Suzanne Weber

REV. SUZANNE WEBER

I am an ordained Elder who served the Board of Global Ministries and two charges in the Baltimore Washington Conference.  I was called by God to preach and serve.  I loved the church, and believed the church was the embodiment of God's justice.  Out of my love for the church, I pushed the boundaries concerning my sexuality.  I was fully aware my relationship with the church was jeopardized by my openness.

Was I was not aware of was the affect the church's homophobia would have on my health.  After seven years of never being fully included, straddling the edge of a double life as pastor and lesbian, and ultimately burning out, I severed my relationship with the church.  Or, I should say, the church left me in the midst of the greatest personal brokenness I have ever endured.

I am finally recovering from the years of depression this conflict created in my life.  I still grieve the loss of my connection with my church family and community, but I believe this was the only way I could heal.  On the other side of this struggle, I am at peace, and pray for the church's peace.

The toll on LGBT people of faith exacted by the church's homophobia is enormous.  Over the years we received dozens of stole stories, letters and e-mails from LGBT folk (especially clergy) who struggled with self-doubt, depression, stress-induced illnesses and exhaustion after years of being forced to live carefully choreographed double lives in the closet, or years of doing battle with the church after coming out.  Some have recoiled at the term "spiritual violence," thinking it too harsh.  I would say that it barely begins to describe the experience of having one's life torn apart by the church's oppression.

This is one of thirteen stoles given to us by Dumbarton UMC in advance of the 2000 General Conference of the United Methodist Church in Cleveland, OH.  Dumbarton is a Reconciling congregation, working for the full inclusion of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people into the life and leadership of the United Methodist Church.  In 1999, the Reconciling Ministries Network (RMN) inquired about the possibility of having a display of the Shower of Stoles at the General Conference the following April.  At the time, there were only around twenty United Methodist stoles in the collection.  We decided to introduce the Shower of Stoles to the Reconciling community by bringing the twenty UM stoles and about a hundred others to RMN’s Convocation in Denton, TX over the Labor Day weekend.  Stoles started to trickle in during the fall, and by February they began coming in droves.  In all, we received 220 United Methodist stoles – the vast majority of them arriving within eight weeks of the Conference.  Thanks to a monumental effort by a number of volunteers who pitched in to help record, inventory, sew labels and make last-minute repairs, all of the new stoles were present in Cleveland.  Twenty more people brought stoles directly to Cleveland, bringing the total number on display to 240.

 Towards the end of the General Conference, twenty eight lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender United Methodists and allies stood on the Conference floor in silent protest over the Conference’s failure to overturn the ban on LGBT ordination – a profound witness and act of defiance for which they were later arrested.  As these twenty eight moved to the front of the room, another 200 supporters stood up around the balcony railing, each wearing one of the new United Methodist stoles.  Hundreds more stood in solidarity as well, in the balcony and on the plenary floor, wearing symbolic “stoles” made from colorful bands of cloth.  A group of young people from Minneapolis, members of a Communicant’s Class, had purchased bolts of cloth the preceding evening and stayed up all night cutting out close to a thousand of these “stoles.”  In less than eight months, a handful of stoles had grown to become a powerful, visible witness to the steadfast faith of LGBT United Methodists nationwide.

 Martha Juillerat

Founder, Shower of Stoles Project

2006