Anonymous (When All May Freely Serve)

Anonymous

I am currently serving as a pastor of a church.  I am quite certain that most of the members know that I am lesbian.  Still, we continue to tip-toe around the question of identifying who I am.  As a pastor, it sometimes feels as if I am crossing a bridge to meet someone and, just as we are about to embrace in the middle of the bridge, the center falls away.

And so, I must ask that my name not be used  just yet.  Someday, perhaps, "when all may freely serve"

A lesbian minister

This stole was one of the original 80 stoles that were on display on Sept. 16, 1995 when I set aside my ordination before Heartland Presbytery (see stole #1 for details).  (The stole inventory numbers are not in exact chronological order; the inventory was not created until 1997.)

This very brief story offers a poignant glimpse into the isolation experienced by so many closeted pastors.  That painful loneliness is palpable in this poetic image: "...it sometimes feels as if I am crossing a bridge to meet someone and, just as we are about to embrace in the middle of the bridge, the center falls away."  The church has forced so many pastors into a terrible bind -- on the one hand sharing so deeply in the lives of their parishioners, on the other hand having to tread carefully so as to share as little as possible in return.  It is no wonder that pastors who have come out and left parish ministry often describe their life in the closet as "exhausting."

We who are lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender have come to the middle of the bridge.  It is time -- past time -- for the church to come and meet us half way, and to embrace us fully.

Martha Juillerat
Founder, Shower of Stoles Project
2006