110 20 2504 https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/ef83d95f0555207ccd9f6008951d4f17.pdf 9dca016200ca38c6da8eabe3b591dade Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 9 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1993 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Text Any textual data included in the document Open Hands is a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbian, bisexual, and gay persons. Each issue focuses on a specific area of concern within the church. Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. (United Methodist) in conjunction with More Light Churches Network (Presbyterian), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ), and Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran) Programs. Each of these programs is a national network of local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbian and gay persons and their families into their community of faith. These four programs -along with Open and Affirming (Disciples of Christ), Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist), Supportive Congregations (Brethren/ Mennonite), and Welcoming and Affirming (American Baptist) programs -offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. Open Hands is published quarterly. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.). Single copies and back issues are $5. Quantities of lO or more, $3 each. Subscriptions, letters to the editor, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Phone: 312 / 736-5526 Fax: 312 / 736-5475 Member, The Associated Church Press © 1993 Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. ISSN 0888-8833 @ Printed on recycled pape1: Resources Jar Ministries AJJirming the Diversity oj Human Sexuality ANALYZING THE RIGHT Building a Theocracy: Philosophy and Strategies of the Right .................................................. 4 Mary Jo Osterman Confronting Fundamentalism ............................................................... 7 Virginia Ramey Mollenkott The Fanatic's Illness ............................................................................... 10 Connie Lofgreen Race and the Religious Right ............................................................... 12 Scot Nakagawa Do Gays Seek Special Rights? ................................ .... ...................... 13 Mark Bowman The Antigay Agenda ............................................................................... 14 Jean Hardisty . Key Organizations of the Right .................................... ......................... 16 Watchdog Groups ............................................................................. 17 SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT Remembering: A Litany of Many Voices .... ........................................... 18 Carol Larson RESPONDING TO THE RIGHT Preaching Grace/Transforming Condemnation .................................. 19 Christine M. Smith Educating Ourselves .............................................................................. 22 Caring for Our Own .............................................................................. 23 Susan Thornton The Church Responds with Action ...................................................... 25 Simple Justice Michael Spencer and Sue Sherbrooke Local Clergy Organize in Maine Bill Gregory Ecumenical Organizing Jimmy Creech Ten Steps for Organizing ....................................................................... 27 RESOURCES ................................................................................................... 27 LETTERS TO THE EDITOR ........................................................................... 29 MOVEMENT NEWS ....................................................................................... 30 2 Open Hands --- Responding to the Right: Strategies for Change The strategy of the Religious Right includes a major antigay agenda, which in reality masks a much larger agenda: by the end of the century they expect to be in control of the major institutions of our society. Their threat to Christianity and to democracy is potentially dangerous. The dilemma we face is complex. How do we acknowledge the reality of the Right without giving it more credit and credibility than it deserves? How do we engage the Right while speaking and responding with the integrity of our own values of peace and diversity? Finally, how do we organize to confront and counteract the basic assumptions, values, and tactics of the Right? Because the Right takes many forms, our understanding must be broad and our responses necessarily varied. In this issue of Open Hands we offer a variety of perspectives on who and what the Right is, what motivates them, and how they work. We also offer a variety of responses and strategies for you to consider. This issue is heavy and intense at points. Keep turning to page 18 to REMEMBER! Mary Jo Osterman, Editor ProgramCoordinators Mark Bowman Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 312/736-5526 ~"''''''''''''''.Q Ann B. Day rA.................., OPEN Open and Affirming Program !I!~~!!~ ~...........Q P.O. Box 403 Holden, MA 01520 508/ 856-9316 rA.................., o Brian Knittel Reconciled in Christ Program 2800 Buena Vista Way Berkeley, CA 94708 510/841-6990 <:;:!-· ···::::*· ~\ .{ Lindsay Louise Biddle More Light Churches Network T 3538 22nd Avenue, S. Minneapolis, MN 55407 612/ 724-5429 Publisher Mark Bowman Open Hands Editor Mary Jo Osterman Illustrations Christopher Wild Layout I Graphics I Typesetting In Print -Jan Graves Editorial Advisory Committee Reva Anderson, Toledo, OH Peg Beissert, Rolling Hills Est., CA Ann Marie Coleman, Chicago, IL Dan Hooper, Los Angeles, CA Derrick Kikuchi, Daly City, CA Samuel E. Loliger, Buffalo, NY Shawndra Miller, Goshen, IN Dick Poole, Oak Forest, IL Caroline Presnell, Evanston, IL Emilie Pulver, Chicago, IL Irma C . Romero, Chicago, IL Paul Santillan, Chicago, IL Martha Scott, Chicago, IL Fall 1993 3 8\J'LO'\\\:C~: 1'8£OCII. .....PhiiOSOPhy &Strategies By MaryJo Osterman of the Right M any people assumed in the late 1980s that the Religious Right movement was disintegrating. Pat Robertson had failed to get the presidential bid.Jerry Falwell's Moral Majority had collapsed. Televangelists Jim Bakker andJimmy Swaggart were brought low by public sex scandals. In 1990, Michael D'Antonio published Fall From Grace -The Failed Crusade ofthe Christian Right in which he concluded: With the demise of Robertson's campaign came the death of the Christian Right's political hopes. The born-again movement soon ceased to be a significant religious or social force as well. 1 Not so! The Right was merely reforming itself -again. A Little History This latest "demise" of the Right was not its first. As the Coalition for Human Dignity notes: In 1964 when Lyndon Johnson soundly defeated conservative Republican presidential nominee Barry Goldwater, it looked as if the American right was dead. The civil rights movement, the mass protests against the Vietnam War, . the women's movement and the Nixon administration only seemed to confirm that verdict. 2 Before and after Goldwater's defeat and during the heyday of the ciVIl rights movement of the 1960s, conservatives were busy organizing, building an agenda in reaction to civil rights. Finally, in 1968 Alabama Governor George Wallace ran a third-party candidacy which marshaled the conservative Southern white vote. Their tactic then was reactionary: appeal to the conservative white voters' racism by attacking desegregation and the civil rights movement.3 Suzanne Pharr of the Women's Project has observed that While both the Christian Right and the civil rights movements of the 60's were church-based, they were completely opposite in point of view. The civil rights movement put forth the message that true democracy calls for justice, liberation, and participation,...giving hope to disenfranchised people ... The white Christian Right movement put forth the message that inclusion and participation by diverse groups will destroy the old order of the 40's and 50's when segregation was legally enforced, male authority was unchallenged by women as a class, and lesbians and gay men were invisible. It called for a return to the past.4 As the women's movement, the gay and lesbian liberation movement, and the movement for sex education in the schools all gained momentum in the 1970s, the Christian Right emerged as the Moral Majority -again with a reactionary agenda. Televangelists and their electronic churches mobilized the fundamentalist and evangelical religiOUS communities as a solid section of the Right. However, despite Nixon and Reagan elections, the New Right did not really "come into its own" until 1988 with the election of George Bush.5 So far, the Right's tactics had been ones of reaction to the liberal, democratic forces at work in the U.S. However, in the early 1980s the first of two strategic shifts began: The New Right attempted to reframe debate and take control over the language of civil rights, to become a proactive movement instead of a reactive one. The rhetoric was reformed: resistance to reproductive rights became "prolife," opposition to sexual freedom became "pro-abstinence" ... antifeminist became 'pro-family".. . [and antihomosexual became] "special rights for none... equal rights for all."6 The second major shift in strategy came in the mid-1980s. Now proactive instead of reactive, the New Right shifted its image from being the Moral Majority to being the new oppressed minority. They no longer were the "guardians of the moral order" but rather the victims of affirmative action, the victims of militant gays and lesbians, the victims of special interest groups. The Right began to conceive of itself as revolutionaries, victims bent on gaining back their old pre-feminist, pre-civil rights, pre-gay liberation, pre-diversity world.7 In the midst of these two shifts, we witnessed the losses of the Right in the national political arena, and some of us predicted their demise . However, the Right was merely shifting tactics again moving from national politics to local polities to carryon their "revolutionary" agenda -and with some success. At least 500 candidates for federal, state, or local offices were supported by the ReligiOUS Right in the 1992 elections. Over 40 percent of those candidates were elected, according to Phillip Frazer of The Washington Spectator. Why is this important to those of us who profess to be either more moderate or more radical? Because, says Frazer, These candidates and their supporters are united in a movement whose professed goal is to take over our political institutions and change our society at every level.s The stakes are very high, indeed. The New Philosophy Early fundamentalist and evangelical leaders of the ReligiOUS Right catered to an audience who believed that "the things of this world" were Satanic and that little could be done until the Open Hands 4 Second Coming of Jesus. However, many current leaders of the Right are gUided by a different philosophy called reconstructionism.9 In fact, based on this new philosophy, current leaders of the New Right have forged a new consensus and a loose political coalition. They claim to be the true Christianity, with a biblical mandate to "reclaim" the country from militants and humanists. Reconstructionism, the philosophy which gUides them, takes several shapes (Dominion theology, Kingdom theology, Biblical Law revival). It rests on a belief in a biblical mandate to build the Kingdom of God here and now on earth rather than waiting for the second coming ofjesus to judge the world and bring in the Kingdom. Reconstruction is about building a theocracy, not a democracy. According to Skip Porteous, the tenets of this new philosophy of Reconstructionism include: • God's law, as 'revealed in the Bible, should govern every area of life; • local government should rule; • prisons could virtually be closed if serious offenders were executed, and if less serious criminals worked to make restitution for their crimes; • capital offenses, requiring the death penalty, should include unrepentant homosexuality, abortion, and adultery; • pornography in any form should be eliminated; • schools should be run by churches, and property taxes should be abolished; • husbands should be the heads of the household, and women and children should be subservient. lO Every philosophy or political stance except their own is under attack by the Right: feminism, humanism, socialism, science, New Age thinking, atheism, civil rights for gays, lesbians and bisexuals, reproductive choice, and all non-Christian religions or spiritual diSciplines, such as Hinduism and wiccan spirituality. The Religious Right is, in reality, a political movement, masquerading as true Christianity. TFive Strategies o obtain their goal of totally ruling our society and its institutions, the New Right relies on five major strategies: voter turnout, stealth tactics, demonization of opponents, racism tactics, and censorship Voter Turnout. Voter turnout as a strategy is based on the "15 percent solution" which Greg Goldin describes this way: Even in a well-attended presidential election, only 15 percent of eligible voters determine the outcome. Here's the simple math: about 60 percent of the qualified electorate is registered, and only half of them vote. Half again of that 30 percent determines the outcome, hence the all-powerful 15 percent. ll According to Christian Coalition National Field Director Guy Rodgers, in low-turnout elections such as those for school board, city council, and county @ .~':, ::;::::: . '''"; '/~·<:"l'.sr:;.-/*i'4¥ii ;;:;,< commissions, this number drops to 6 or 7 percent. Says Rodgers, We don't have to worry about convincing a majority of Americans to agree with us. Most of them are staying home and watching 'Falcon Crest.'12 The Right is more concerned with voter turnout at local caucuses and elections than national ones. As Ralph Reed, the Christian Coalition's executive director and chief strategist, maintains ...[the] Christian community got it backwards in the 1980s. We tried to change Washington when... the real battles... are in neighborhoods, school boards, city councils and state legislaturesY Pat Robertson, in his book The New Millennium, claims that ...with the apathy that exists in our nation.. .If we have as few as 75100 people in each county we could become the most powerful political influence in the state.14 People for the American Way quote Steve Baldwin of the California Pro-Life Council as follows: The theory is there are enough Christian voters out there to win most races if they register, vote and vote for who they're supposed to vote for. IS The Right taps conservative churches (including pro-family Roman Catholics) to get out that 15 percent vote for their candidates. They claim a built-in mobilization factor, noted by Reed: The advantage we enjoy is that liberals and feminists don't generally go to church; they don't gather in one place three [sic] days before the election. We can print 25 million voter guides and insert them in the bulletins of 10,000 churches across the country. We can mobilize the people; we can send the message.16 Reed claims the Christian Coalition has created a computer file of 1.6 million constituents. He also claims that thousands of voters were registered right before or right after the offering...[when] we pass Fall 1993 5 voter registration materials right down the pews. Everyone fills them out and when the offering plate goes down the pew, in addition to their contribution to their local church they throw in their voter registration card.17 They have also leafletted church parking lots and handed out materials in front of supermarkets, including thousands of copies of their lurid video called The Gay Agenda. Stealth Campaigning. The Right has embarked on a "stealth campaign" (also called "the San Diego model") as their tactic for putting forth candidates for office. Following its successful use in San Diego in 1990, Reed claimed that stealth is just good strategy It's like guerrilla warfare. Ifyou reveal your location, all it does is allow your opponent to improve his artillery bearings. It's better to move quietly, with stealth, under cover of night. You've got two choices: You can wear cammies and shimmy along on your belly, or you can put on a red coat and stand up for everyone to see; It comes down to whether you want to be the British Army in the Revolutionary War or the Viet Congo History tells us which tactic was more effective.1s Stealth tactics involve running candidates for office without identifying them as members of the Religious Right. Lying by omission, stealth tactics also involve having candidates fOCUSing on alternate, "less volatile" issues as a camouflage for the candidates' real concerns; e.g., tax issues instead of abortion, or the spread of AIDS instead of the biblical mandate against homosexuality. Demonization Tactics. The third tactic of the Right involves demonizing their opponents (liberals, feminists, opposition candidates for office, gays and lesbians, moderate and liberal churches, etc.). Examples of this tactic can be seen in the tabloids and videos of the Right which depict all gays and lesbians as extremely promiscuous, engaging in bestiality, having sex with children, etc. Demonization can also be heard in Pat Robertson's comment that feminism is a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism, and become lesbians.19 Racism Tactics. The racism of the Right has also become "stealthy." While suddenly professing to be the supporters and friends of people of color, the Right in reality is just continuing to practice racism in a new form. On the one hand, ultraconservative, antigay, football coach Bill McCartney (University of Colorado, Boulder) announces that Christianity must now work on racism (as if no Christian ever had). On the other hand the Right's current antigay arguments about special rights and "true minority status" involve considerable racism. As Scot Nakagawa points out (see p. 12), the Right's attempts to promote the myth that only people of color have civil rights are based in racism. The Right is not a champion of civil rights; their pose is just that. It's another aspect of stealth campaigning: pretend to be who you are not; pretend to support what you do not truly support. Censorship. A fifth strategy of the Right is control of information and censorship of all views but their own. Again, stealth tactics are being used. Instead of naming directly their goal of having a very narrowly-defined sex education course taught in the schools, they oppose a curriculum because it "usurps parental privileges," or it "recruits children to homosexuality." Instead of directly naming their racist and sexist goals of returning to the past when white, heterosexual males ruled, they attack a diversity curriculum as being "antifamily." All of these so-called "ground war" tactics are supported by Robertson's mass media TV appeals on The 700 Club and through ads such as those on CNN. Together, they constitute the New Right's new approach to achieve a theocracy in this country -a form of government which may ultimately proVide "special rights" for them -and anti-civil rights for everybody else. T NOTES 1Skipp Porteous, "Swat Teams forJesus, "Challenging the Christian Right: The Activist's Handbook (Great Barrington, MA: Institute for First Amendment Studies, 1993), p. 9. 2Jonathan Mozzochi, GilI.ian Leichtling and Steven Gardiner (Coalition for Human Dignity), "The New Right and the Religious Right, " Fight the Right Action Kit (Washington, DC: NGLTF, 1993), p. 11. 3Ibid., pp. 12-13. 4Suzanne Pharr, 'The Christian Right: A Threat to Democracy," Transformation September/ October 1992, p. 2. 5Mozzochi, ibid., P. 12. 6Ibid., p. 13. ilbid. 8Phillip Fraze1~ "The Radical Right: The Stealth Crusade," The Washington Spectator, 15 March 1993, p. 1. 9See Porteous, pp. 10-11; Fred Clarkson , "HardCOR," Challenging the Christian Right, pp. 23-27; and Bruce Barron, Heaven on Earth? (Grand Rapids:Zondervan, 1992). lOPorteous, ibid. p. 10. 11 Greg Goldin, "The 15 Percent Solution," Challenging the Christian Right, pp. 63-64. Also see £1i11 Saberi, "From Moral Majority to Organized Minority: Tactics of the ReligiOUS Right," Christian Century, 11 August 1993, p. 782. Reed's quote is from the New York Times, 27 October 1992. 12Saberi, ibid. Rodgers' quote is from Nation, 27 April 1992. 13Frazer, op. cit.. P. 2. Hlbid. 15Matthew Freeman, The San Diego Model: A Community Battles the Religious Right (Washington, DC: People Jar the American Way, 1993), p. 16. 16Saberi, op. cit. lilbid ., P. 783. 18Freeman. op. cit., p. 18. Reed was quoted by the San Diego Times, 22 March 1992. 19Robertson's quote is Jrom a Jundraising letter. Full letter is reprinted in Appendix C, Challenging the Right. Mary Jo Osterman, Ph.D, is editor oj Open Hands and aJree-lance writer and workshop leader. 6 Open Hands cc®11Will@lli~~TI~ By Virginia Ramey Mollenkott thOugh I became aware of my lesbianism by age eleven, I did ~not begin to challenge my fundamentalist belief-system in a profound way until my mid-thirties. I remember the incident that launched me on my journey of liberation, which for a Protestant fundamentalistl must at least begin as a biblical journey. I was reading a feminist book in which the author claimed that there are two different \'ersions of creation in Genesis 1 and 2. I had read Genesis hundreds of times, and I was sure that this author was wrong. So I made a dive for my Bible and discovered that indeed there are two plots. This discovery caused me considerable shock and dismay. I had a Ph.D. in literature, and I realized that I would never have read Milton or Shakespeare in such a sloppy way. Yet here I was, being truly careless with the Bible , which I believed to be the inerrant Word of God. What had happened to me? What had happened was what happens to everyone who is reared in biblical fundamentalism or who experiences a total conversion into the fundamentalist worldview. I had learned to read through the fundamentalist interpretive grid that screens out anything that might interfere with the belief that the Bible is free of all error and contradiction. Just as a horse wearing blinders cannot see the peripheral motions that might make it skittish, a fundamentalist looking through the "inerrancy grid" cannot see the evidence that the Bible contains a variety of perspectives and approaches, worked out across centuries of human experience. It took courage for me to begin to apply the perspectives of scholarly and contextual reading to the Bible. I was afraid that if I read the Bible with the same care that I gave to "secular" literature, the whole basis of my belief system would collapse. I was right: my fundamentalist interpretive grid did collapse. However, I discovered faith in Fall 1993 the process -a deepened, broadened, heightened faith through the several decades of Bible study that have ensued. Born-Again: An Act of Will A popular misunderstanding about fundamentalism is that it is based on a profound personal experience of God's love through Jesus Christ. On the contrary, fundamentalism is essentially a rationalistic and cognitive form of religion. It stresses making an act of the will regardless of one's feelings; and that may well amount to a denial of reality, because feelings inevitably impact every concept and relationship. Rationalistic thinking is "the practice of guiding one's actions and opinions solely by what seems reasonable." (Webster, emphaSis mine) Ultimately, however, extreme rationalism becomes highly irrational because it ignores emotions and invalidates experience. Why do so many people imagine that fundamentalism is based on profound emotion and genuine experience? The answer, I think, is that many people are seduced by the language of fundamentalism into believing that everybody has had a profound first-hand experience of God's grace in their lives. The hymns, the prayers, and the testimonies all claim that the experience is direct and authentic. However, in fundamentalism, the born-again experience is often a cognitive assent to a set of propositions about the Bible, about Jesus, about the sinfulness of the self, and about whatever interpretations of the Bible are yielded up by the inerrancy grid. Far from having a direct personal experience of God's gracious presence in her life, the fundamentalist is told to distrust her own experience on the basis of such biblical passages as Jeremiah 17:9: ''The heart is deCeitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" For years I could not believe anything that came out of my own deep self because I had memorized that verse and others like it and was convinced that at the very core of me was corruption. As a counselor at the Billy Graham Crusades and as a Bob Jones University soul-winner, I was taught to have penitent persons pray after me a prayer asking the Lord Jesus Christ to wash away their black sins and place in them His nature, a new nature (the New Man) which. would render their hearts white and pure. (I trust that the racism and sexism of that prayer are obvious to everyone.) Once a person had repeated this prayer, phrase by phrase, I was taught to assure them that they had been born again, even if they did not feel any different from five minutes ago. That was an important part of our pitch. Even if the convert did not feel any differently, he or she was, in fact, different for all eternity. Of course, converts must then join a church which teaches everything through the inerrancy grid so that they will learn to obey the Bible in all areas of life. People would understand fundamentalism better if they distingUished between the quiet holistic experience offaith and the intellectual noisy rationalism of mere belief Fundamentalists are forced to believe what they are told the Bible says, even if their instincts and feelings flatly deny what their pastors tell them the Bible is saying. That's why they are sometimes shrill and cruel: the internal dissonance can be painful. Fundamentalism is rationalism that cloaks itself in the language of experience. When a person has had an authentic faith experience, he is able to listen with an open mind to diverse points of view without feeling threatened. But if a person's worldview is based only on rationalistic belief in an airtight, limited, prepackaged belief-system, then the better the evidence that somebody else introduces about an alternative approach to reality, the greater 7 the distress -and the more necessity for a Bible-thumping insistence on absolutes. Selective Literalism The commitment of fundamentalism to biblical literalism is not literal acceptance of every passage in the Bible. Rather, it is a highly selective process that takes literally the passages that seem to support the fundamentalist worldview, but usually ignores those passages that might undermine that worldview. I call this method the supermarket approach to the Bible. Fundamentalists put into their cognitive shopping-carts whatever passages seem to suit their preconceptions and simply leave on the shelf those passages that seem less gratifying. For instance, I once asked a fundamentalist preacher in my church how he interpreted Galatians 3:28 (no male or female in Christ), since women were not allowed to speak or pray or even ask questions in public meetings. This preacher had repeatedly claimed to be preaching "the whole counsel of God." He shrugged off my question, saying he had no idea of its meaning in a tone couldn't care less. Incidentally, as a teacher of literature I must say that the supermarket approach is no more honest or attractive when liberals or feminists or lesbigay theologians use it than it is when fundamentalists do. The only honest way to interpret a book (any book) is to confront every passage in relationship to every other passage and in relationship to the author and culture from which it sprang, as well as in conscious relationship to the interpreter's own preconceptions and culture. All of us wear an interpretive grid when we read. The idea is to be conscious of our grid and honest about it, and honest about the hermeneutical principles we are following, and faithful in applying them to the passages we don't like as well as to the passages we like . The fundamentalist supermarket approach to the Bible blinds people to contrary evidence once they have consented to the doctrine of inerrancy. This doctrine encourages people to read the books of the Bible, which were writ- indicating that he Eph.5:21 (jen. 3:17·19 . Lev. 20:18 ten over a period of ten centuries, without taking seriously their diverse historical and cultural contexts. It is possible to hear preaching that treats every passage as if it were contemporary with every other passage. Fundamentalists even ignore historical context selectively . For instance, in leviticus 18 and 20, both male homosexual acts and heterosexual marital intercourse during the woman's menstrual period are prohibited. However, in their sex manual, contemporary funjL::: ::::::r::::::::::::::: .:.::.:,:.:::.::,:: ::.:.:.::::,::,:,:.:,::.:.:::.:.:::: ::':: ':::::::::: ::::::.:,:,:,:::.:.:;::.-, .••...•.•..•;.:-...~.,.:...• ): :l::~~;~:~.. damentalists Tim and Beverly leHaye promote literally and absolutely the prohibition against male homosexual acts but permit heterosexual intercourse during a women's menstrual period. They permit the latter because times have changed and we now understand hygiene in a different way. Fundamentalists also selectively recognize figures of speech in biblical literature. "If your hand offends you, cut it off" is recognized as metaphoric. (We may be grateful for that.) But the "sonship" and "brotherhood" of believers is taken as literal, so that androcentric language is required for faithfulness. "Take, eat, this is my body," is recognized as metaphor, but "nobody comes to God except by me" is taken literally and forces fundamentalists to proselytize even if it violates their deepest instincts. Fundamentalists are particularly selective about paying attention to the literary genre of any given biblical passage. The Song of Solomon is recognized as an erotic poem celebrating marital love. (I have looked in vain for evidence that the lovers were married' nevertheless, I am grateful for the recognition that the Song is erotic poetry.) By contrast, Genesis I and 2 are treated as if they were scientific textbooks assuring us that everyone is born heterosexual and will be fulfilled through fruitful marriage. In addition, fundamentalists are forced by their inerrancy-grid into ignoring the flow ofgrammar in certain passages. They can't allow themselves to see that the Ephesians 5 passage about wives and husban ds is grammatically and logically governed by the lead-in verse, EpheSians 5:21: "Submitting yourselves one to another in thefear of God. " I have heard fundamentalist preachers claim that although mutual submission is required of Christian males and females generally, it does not apply to married couples, where the woman must be the only one to submit. Furthermore, fundamentalists are forced by their belief in inerrancy to avoid placing apparently contradictory passages side by side. If you believe the Bible never contradicts itself, then Open Hands 8 "Thou shalt not kill" (so important in the abortion controversy) does not bear close comparison with the many commands in the Hebrew Scriptures to kill Canaanites or to kill various social offenders. In the Christian Scriptures, Paul's remarks about obeying the government do not bear close comparison with other passages that describe Paul's own acts of civil disobedience. Studying such passages together, I have discovered, yields creative ethical stimulus. However, it can rarely happen in a right-wing context. Finally, fundamentalists are forced to be selective about which details to emphasize in any given biblical narra":':e. For instance, in Genesis 3 (the story of the fall) the judge said to Adam at he would have to earn a living by e sweat of his brow and would have o eat thorns and thistles. To Eve, the Judge said that childbearing was going be painful. During human history ere was never any hesitation about -·sing labor-saving devices to alleviate ·-e sweat on the human brow, and no ndamentalist I know of sticks to a -et of thorns and thistles. However, storically there was whole lot of hesi.ation about lessening the pain ofchildrth. There's no integrity in interpreting assages selectively; that is, upholding orne statements as absolute, and rearding others in the same passage as ompletely relative. For the fundamen ·a~ist, however, such selectivity is a mater of life and death since their whole elief-system stands or falls as a unit. Suggestions For Dealing With Fundamentalism . ere are six suggestions for dealing with fundamentalism. H (1) Do not put down belief in the divine inspiration of the Bible and do not speak of textual interpolations (that is, the fact that scribes inserted material in the process of transmission, thus altering the original text.) At least, do not speak of these things until trust is firmly established. Instead, point out that the Bible is not a magic book. If the Bible were magic, it would automatically translate itself into the language and the reading level of everybody who Fall 1993 picked it up. However, since God chose to work through human authorship and human languages and human translators, all of us are obliged to try to understand biblical scholarship. We must attempt to understand the changing definitions of words and discoveries in various fields of human scholarship that impact our understanding of Scripture, as well as individual attitudes of the human agents through whom the Scriptures were given to us. (2) Point out that to deny the human aspect of Scripture is as erroneous as denying the human aspect ofjesus. Either stance amounts to a denial of incarnation and embodiment. (3) Raise respectful but insistent questions about the passages that have been denied or ignored and about the other selectivities I have mentioned. Instead of discounting Scripture, go into it in great depth with great contextual awareness and human honesty about your own interpretive grid. For me, the normative statement of Scripture is: "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself." It was given to us by Moses (Leviticus 19: 18); often reiterated by jesus (Matthew 19: 19, 22:39; Mark 12:31; Luke lO:27); upheld by Paul (Romans 13:9; Galatians 5: l4); repeated by james (2:8); and implied in dozens of other passages. That's norm enough for me! Reading through this lens constitutes a "liberation grid." (4) Ask questions that will reveal how well the belief-system is holding up in real-life situations. What is the fundamentalist feeling about the pastor's recent and serious car accident? About the birth of a deformed baby? About the destruction of their home by fire or flood? Is the beliefsystem sustaining the sufferer and his or her caretakers? If so, in all decency, support that. If not, there may be an opening for a more liberating faith to enter. (5) Remember that people cannot understand a moral development more comprehensive than their own. So it is futile to expect an externally rule-bound person to comprehend the integrity of a serious situation ethicist. (6) Engage in the type of "fancy footwork" that jesus did when confronted with trap-questions by the fundamentalists of his day. (See Matthew 19:3-9, where jesus neatly avoided the either-or dilemma posed by the rabbis about divorce by refocusing the issue.) Treat fundamentalists' questions with respect, but try to strike through the mask to the underlying and unspoken assumptions, all the while seeking out approaches and language that will be comprehensible to the fundamentalist mind. Above all, we must keep ourselves centered through prayer and meditation. We must pray for our fundamentalist counterparts, asking that life teach both them and us those humanizing lessons that put us in touch with our deepest feelings. It takes people who are in touch with their own pain to genUinely care about the pain in Central America, or South Africa, or the suffering ofpoor or marginalized people here in the United States. The spark of faith can jump only in an atmosphere of love, but the spark is generated by friction. We need patience in confronting fundamentalism -but it must be a revolutionary patience. T NOTES lFor further reading, see Jack B. Rogers and Donald K. McKim, The Authority and Interpretation of the Bible (New York: Harper & Row, 1979). This article is adapted from a 1987 presentation at the National Council of Churches' headquarters that subsequently appeared in the CALC Report (Clagy and Laity Concerned), Fall 1988. Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, Ph.D. is an Episcopalian . She is professor of English at the William Paterson College of New Jersey in Wayne. Active in lesbian and gay Christian liberation, she has published eleven books. 9 TAE FANAT'C'S 'llNESS By Connie Lofgreen "Mom, why does Ted Phillips (not his real name) hate gays so much?" asked my daughter, Lyda, as I drove past the protest site of the local antihomosexual group. The "Phillips," as they are known In Topeka, were holding signs: "God Hates Gays," "Gays Deserve Death," "Fags Burn in Hell" etc. My daughter's emphasis on why warned me In a word "No heavy lectures, Mom, Just real answers." "He's mentally ill," I said. "Intense hate for those who have done him no harm is a symptom of mental illness. Mentally healthy people sometimes disagree strongly but they respect each other's right to a different opinion instead of wanting them dead for it." Nice words, I thought, but even as I gave Lyda a tidy explanation the brutality of the hate words made me cringe. I wondered if my thirteen-year-old daughter was skeptical about growing up in a world where people often hate viciously and where the innocent become their targets. "God doesn't hate anybody," she continued. The contradiction between the Phillips' devotion to God (their base of operation is their neighborhood church) and their harassment of homosexuals was not lost on Lyda. Their illness was showing through a thin veneer of religiosity. "My point exactly, Lyda. It just doesn't compute, does it?" I reminded her that other Topekans were highlighting the contradiction with bumper stickers that read "Hate is Not a Family Value." When we confront fanatics, it is this incongruity or cognitive dissonance that often lures us into useless debate and confrontation. Words of reason and stories of our own positive experiences with gay men and lesbians bounce off the impenetrable fortress of rigid opinion and we feel helpless in the face of a violent tongue-lashing about immorality. This rigidity is another symptom of mental illness -a relentless insistence that there is one, and only one, correct viewpoint -theirs. If we don't agree , we are deemed worthy of annihilation. Rendered speechless and powerless, our own fear and anger toward the antagonists (and perhaps our own hatred) well up. I witnessed this phenomenon recently when my good friend , who is usually gentle and rational, became so angry that he said, "Ted Phillips just needs to be shot. He's crazy. Nothing else will stop him!" Now we are imagining murder. We are brought full circle back to our own shadow side -our own capacity for rage and even violence towards those we perceive as too different from ourselves. Each of us, if we look deeply into the face in the mirror or into our own hearts, will find the shadow beneath a thin layer of cortex. This cortex (the brain center for thinking and judgment) is easily unplugged by intense emotions or chemicals. Perhaps we have more in common with these haters than we like to admit? My discomfort grows with the thought. Antihomosexuals ' employ several psychological tools to protect their "interpretive grid" (see Mollenkott's article) from a full and open reasoning process -and from their own and others' emotions. These tools (called defense mechanisms by mental health practitioners) include denial, rationalization, and projection. Everyone uses these defenses at times to protect themselves from perceived threats, losses, or too rapid change. Denial abounds in the alcoholic family where the realization that "Dad's drinking a little too much" is really advanced alcoholism would send shoc . waves through the marriage that migh' blow the family apart. Rationalization (making up excuseto avoid the real issues) is also common. The adolescent who blames h15 poor grades on "stupid teachers" and "boring classes" is rationalizing. Wit maturity he comes to accept more responsibility. Ifunable to do so, his blaming may advance to the bizarre -ki ing a superstar's father because he's "too rich," as if his wealth were the direct source of the youth's misery. Projection (seeing others as havinc characteristics or feelings that we disown in ourselves) is another commo .. defense mechanism The child molester who maintains the child wanted him t fondle her because she was acting "sexy" is projecting his own feeling and needs. Projection is also apparen in the person who has unconsciouhomosexual urges, but projects those urges upon others in the environmen' and then struggles against the other persons. Projection is a defense mechanism used by people when the feeling inside or the issue at hand is too frightening to face directly. Denial, rationalization, and projection are all part of our psychologica, survival kit. Such defenses are probably biologically based. They are sophisticated variations on the fight or flight response, certainly an important survival instinct for our ancestors. If a tiger jumped from behind a tree, too much deliberation proved fatal. Eventually these variations on fight or flight developed to help us "flee" the emotionally frightening and painful feelings and experiences: death, abandonment, and embarrassment before our kin. In psychologically mature individuals these defense mechanisms are usually employed temporarily and the reality of the situation is dealt with in a constructive manner. Even when intense anger is a normal response -that Open Hands 10 is, when real harm has been done to us or a loved one -healthier people refrain from acting on their murderous fantasies and find other ways to disharge the feelings. In the mentally ill, more and more psychic and tangible :esources are devoted to maintaining he defenses. In the case of the Phillips, much of their time, energy, and money ,s poured into a campaign against perns they've chosen to hate -homosexuals. Fundamentalist fanatics may feel that idal wave of change is threatening e world (as they perceive it) as gay -...' ,ts issues gain high visibility in the "onal media. Deliberations about lift'he ban on homosexuals in military -'ce, campaigns for funding HIV reh, local ordinances extending non--rimination clauses to lesbians and ,__ ,' men, and churches affirming hosexuals are perceived by fanatics as .ons which threaten the very founns of their belief-system, the core eir identity. So, they flee into the -"'orn labyrinths of their defense anisms and live there. 'hy are some persons apparently pletely locked into an emotional /~/ Fall 1993 prison of these defense mechanisms and unable to reason and accept reality? Most psychotherapists believe the causes to be early childhood trauma and neglect which have interfered with normal psychological development. Such trauma and neglect leave the child and later the adult, with "primitive" coping skills -those usually expected in very young children or employed by terrorized children. They see others as all good or all bad. They are grandiose about their own importance in the world, anxious about dependency needs, and unable to empathize with others. They have feelings of shame and unworthiness, expectations of further assault, and deep feelings of rage. History is filled with the atrocities committed when fanatics organize similarly irrational people and the ignorant into national movements vowed to obliterate the supposed defectives. In fact, history suggests it is not difficult, given certain factors such as widespread economic hardship and charismatic psychopathic leadership, to evoke the violent shadow side in masses of people and organize them to stalk the chosen human target: blacks,lews, women, gay men and lesbians. In such a context paranoia is easily maintained by hate group members as their ideas are reinforced by their comrades. Those frustrated and anxious about economic conditions, though not mentally ill, tend to lo.ok for simplistic answers and somebody or some group to blame. And so the bonfires are lit, the lynching organized, the fur"",--~ naces stoked, the homosexuals banned, beaten, and murdered. Recognizing the mental illness in extremists' views is important. One does not argue with an alcoholic or a fanatic unless she is hoping to be abused. To allow ourselves to be intimidated and silenced is to be rendered powerless by those on the fringe of society and whose death threats are merely an echo of their deepest internal fears. Only extensive psychotherapy might help fanatics. Attempting to converse with fanatics -those who advocate violence and hatred -is both dangerous and useless. We would be better served to put our energies into educational efforts directed toward those who can reason, learn, and mature in their perspectives and into compassionate support of those victimized by senseless aggression. (See Mollenkott's suggestions.) Good education is potent and transformational. Such education raises consciousness about sexual, racial, and cultural diversity. It raises consciousness that what we humans have in common far exceeds our variations. There are also many examples of social changes brought about by such educational efforts: the enactment of child labor laws, the abolition of slavery, women's suffrage, the civil rights movement, the ending of the Vietnam War, and the Israel-PLO Peace Agreement. Ultimately, education and a healthy economy which offers meaningful work to all are the best tools against the forces of irrationality and fear. The social and financial costs of neglecting education and other basic needs of children and adults are well documented. To quote another bumper sticker: Education is Expensive? Try Ignorance . ... Connie Lofgreen, MSW, is a graduate of Rutgers University and a social worker in private practice in Topeka, Kansas. She is a member of Co untryside United Methodist Church und is a trainer and consultant in the area of clergy sexual ethics. 11 ----------------------------- AND THE ---------~------------------RELIGIOUS RIGHT The long history of right-wing activism against the rights of people of color is reflected in their choice of tactics in all of their campaigns. Racist ideology and rhetoric are underpinnings of current antigay propaganda and strategy used in the Right's attempts to subvert democratic potential in American society. Activists organizing against the Religious Right's antigay attacks must come to understand how racism and sex oppression are connected in right-wing rhetoric and strategy. This is especially important because the struggle to overcome race-based discrimination provides the legal and ideological foundation for our gay and lesbian liberation struggle and for the larger movement to realize the promise of full civil equality for all people. Any attempt to undermine the civil rights gains made by African Americans and other people of color will undermine the ability of all groups to achieve civil equality. History of Race and u.s. Racism The struggle for multiracial democracy in the U.s. is a fight against both interpersonal and institutional forms of discrimination that have deep roots in slavery. Racism in the U.s., as experienced by all people of color, is largely based on the justification for and institutionalization of slavery. Prior to slavery, Native Americans, Africans, Latinos, and Asians were regarded as subhuman based on religion. To white Americans and Europeans, the world's people existed in two categories: Christian or heathen. The human worth of individuals was defined according to their relationship to a Christian god. The problem this presented to Ameri- By Scot Nak agawa can slaveholders and to those involved in the project of pacifying and destroying Native American nations is that the evangelical nature of Christianity allowed for people of color to "find religion." White America then had a problem: were these new non-white Christians fully human now? Not wanting to admit that possibility, white America adapted European racialism to their own needs, creating and emphasizing a racial hierarchy which would determine the "natural" human worth of persons. Both the science of racialism and the institutionalization of racial hierarchy were thus constructed as more permanent answers to white America's presumed need for slave labor -and white America's takeover of Native American land. The civil rights movement of the 1960s and the continuing struggle against race-based discrimination is rooted in the struggle against slavery. In the 1960s African Americans led a fight to remove the There is no such thing as "legicmate minority status" as defined b,the ReligiOUS Right. People of color are not a "legitimate minority" on the bas ')f some characteristic such as income or morality. "Minority status" mea .just that: the smaller in number C' two groups. People of color in the u.s. are a minority in relation whites; gay men and lesbians are a minority in relation to heterosexuals. The need for "minority status" and "equal rights" laws, and "affirmative action" programs arises from discriminatory practices perpetrated on minorities by majorities. The Right has argued that gay men and lesbians, and in some cases bisexuals, are not eligible for consideration for "minority status and all the privileges thereof..." This argument promotes the myth, popularized by the Right, that Open Hands legally codified vestiges of slavery from our constitution and from state and local laws. Most odious among these were Jim Crow laws that required racial segregation. The historical effects of slavery continue even now to be a critical element of American social, cultural, political, and economic life. The Right has popularized the misconception that the African Americanled civil rights movement defines civil rights in the United States. In truth, the civil rights movement of the 1960s was a movement against only one kind 0; civil rights violation -race-based discrimination. Right-wing attempts to pr mote the myth that only people of color have civil rights are based in racism. The Right repeatedly states that 'legitimate minority status" may only be conferred to those who can be idem fied as minorities because of "innate natural characteristics" such as race However, there is nothing "innate" 0:"natural" about "race." The concept c: race in the u.s. was largely invented an justified through pseudO-Science b; white Americans to rationalize the explOitation and slavery of blacks. I short, the concept of race in the Amer can context is a socially constructed S} tern for placing people in a hierarchica' structure of social and economic relations. A Legitimate Minority? 12 'lg a minority in a majority rule society 1es with privileges.When we hear the ht talking about "minority privileges" .ld "minority rights," we need to ask what those privileges and rights are, "... whether poor education, substand housing, and low life expectancy he results of discriminatory praces -are part of this "special" benefits ~age. "'e also need to look behind the '-ric of the Right to their real mo. t\s New Right leader Paul Wyerich .e reactionary Free Congress Founon has stated, "The politicians have scared because the homosexual .', like the civil rights lobby, has ex_ erated importance in Washington." eed to ask: "Exaggerated in comon to what?" ting Affirmatively ,irmative action has been assoiated with quotas and called a "tal right" by the ReligiOUS Right. eed to understand just what affir:' e action does and does not do . . ifinnative action is not a "special _...... 010 one has a right to affirmative ,::m. Instead, it is a program that ined to remedy some problems assoed with a historical pattern of disnmation. Because affirmative action remedy and not a right, it is not ended to be permanent. Affirmative action does not mandate . as that require hiring unqualified pIe of color to take jobs away from te men. No quotas are associated u affirmative action. Instead, some ployers are reqUired to review the al and gender composition of the alified applicant pool when hiring \' employees. The percentage of those ible for affirmative action in the alified applicant pool and the actual licant pool set a standard intended prevent discrimination. It is neither Je that all people of color are emoyed because of affirmative action, nor at people of color are the only people benefit from affirmative action. The Poverty Test he ReligiOUS Right claims that people of color "deserve" civil rights protections because racism has resulted in disproportionate levels of poverty in Fall 1993 communities of color. Simultaneously, leaders of the ReligiOUS Right have claimed that racism no longer exists . They have even gone so far as to claim that racism has been reversed and whites are the new victims. They further claim that Blacks, Latinos, Native Americans, or Asians with higher than average incomes are indices that those people of color who are poor, particularly Blacks, are suffering from a lack of moral turpitude. However rich or poor someone or some group may be, all have civil rights, and the option of making claims of discrimination and demanding government redress of grievances. While poverty is frequently the result of discrimination, the presence of poverty is not a test for whether any group may enjoy civil rights. Recognizing Connections The history of racism and the struggle for civil equality of people of color in the United States is far broader and more complex than can be covered in this brief overview. It is critical that we come to understand this history and its impact on contemporary society in order to effectively combat a right-wing movement that has been an integral force in that history, and that has as one of its goals a return to the "traditional values" of openly expressed and overtly institutionalized racism. It is simply not enough for us to "honor diversity. " We must recognize that we are the products of a history steeped in racism and sexism, and that our oppression as gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people is one product of this history. Rather than simply honoring diversity, we must build democracy. T This article is reprinted, with permission, from the Fight the Right Action Kit, a project of the National Gay &: Lesbian Task Force. To order see page 28. Scot Nakagawa is Project Director oj the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force's Fight the Right Project. He is the Jonner Executive Director oj the Coalition Jor Human Dignity. is not to gays and lespians, but instead \yftetber to allow dis/crimination ag.ainst a pa~Ji£ular group of ,S 13 The gay rights movement in the u.s.is often dated to the night ofJune 27, 1969, when police raided a Greenwich Village bar named the Stonewall Inn and bar patrons rebelled in protest. Seven years later, in 1976, Anita Bryant led the first religious campaign against the expansion of protections for gay men and lesbians, sought by that gay rights movement. Bryant's campaign was in opposition to a vote by the Dade County commissioners to prohibit discrimination against gay men and lesbians in housing, public accommodation, and employment. Bryant promoted a successful referendum to repeal the commissioners'vote. In 1977, Anita Bryant inspired a similar campaign in California, where State Senator John Briggs, who had worked with Bryant in Miami, sponsored the "California Defend Our Children Initiative," a binding initiative on the general election ballot in November 1978. The initiative provided for charges against school teachers and others advocating, encouraging, or publicly and "indiscreetly" engaging in homosexuality. It prohibited the hiring and required the firing of homosexuals if the school board deemed them unfit. This was in reaction to a 1975 California law preventing local school boards from firing teachers for homosexuality. California Defend Our Children, the organizing group supporting the initiative, was chaired by State Senator Briggs. Rev. Louis Sheldon (now head of the Anaheim-based organization Traditional Values) was executive director. The initiative failed, but Sheldon would remain extremely active in antihomosexual organizing. That same year, David A. Noebel (later to head Summit Ministries of Colorado) published The Homosexual Revolution, which he dedicated to The Antigay Agenda by Jean Hardisty Anita Bryant. Bryant's antihomosexual campaign ended in 1979 with the collapse of her two organizations, Anita Bryant Ministries and Protect America's Children, which were hampered by a lack of political sophistication. Contemporary techniques in influencing the political system -direct mail, computer technology, religious television ministries -were not available to Bryant. Few religious fundamentalists and evangelicals were interested in the political sphere. Bryant herself was plagued by personal problems, such as divorce, and her organizations were unable to respond effectively to a boycott mounted against Florida's orange industry, for which Bryant was a major spokesperson. With the creation of the New Right at the end of the 1970s, a political movement was born that incorporated conservative fundamentalists and evangelicals as full partners. Now there were tremendous political resources available to the Religious Right, and the success and influence of religious fundamentalists in the spheres of public policy and popular opinion improved dramatically. Under the benign influence of the Reagan administration, the New Right and its Religious Right component flourished. A focus of attention that emerged with the advent of the New Right was a rollback of gains made by the gay rights movement. The Second Right-Wing Antihomosexual Campaign The "second" antihomosexual campaign, born within the New Right in the early 1980s, has been a far more sophisticated one. It has been planned at the national level, carried out by at least fifteen large national organizations using the most refined computer technology, showing an understanding of the political system, and therefore exerting influence only dreamed of by the first movement. The effects of this new sophistication are: • to make local antihomosexual campaigns appear to be exclUSively grassroots efforts, when in fact they are gUided by major national organizations. • to increase the effect of each New Right organization's efforts by building networks and coalitions among the organizations and by coordinating political campaigns. • to camouflage the religious conten' of the organizing and create the more secular theme of "defense 0: the family." • to pursue the antihomosexual campaign under the slogan "no specia rights," despite that slogan's ina curacy. (See sidebar p. 13.) The opening of the second an' homosexual campaign can be trace to three events: 1) The 1982 publication of Enriq T. Rueda's massive The Homosexua Network, which was a thorough e. amination of the organizations, acti--ties, and ideology of the gay righ': movement and its liberalism. 2) The onset of the AIDS epidem which in its earliest days in the C.: was almost exclusively confined to t gay male community. In 1987, the Fre Congress Foundation, which ha sponsored Rueda's book, develope a new condensation that updated the critique of homosexuality to includ the AIDS crisis. This book, Gays, AIDS and You by Michael Schwartz an Enrique Rueda, stands as a semina work in the right's analysis of homosexuality in the context of the AI crisis. Open Hands 14 3'\ The work of antigay activist Dr. . Cameron, director in the early s of the Institute for the Scien'nvestigation of Sexuality in Lino :ebraska, and now chairperson e Family Research Institute in ngton, DC. Paul Weyrich's Free ..,ress Foundation would prove an upporter of Cameron: FCF dised copies of Cameron's Model ality Statute in 1983. e campaign against homosexu'as not a major focus in the mid s, though it was never repudiated oal of right-wing organizing. A alarm and loathing over the f the gay rights movement was tood within the New Right. I Current °holnosexual Campaign elate 1980s, three issues rein,":orated the New Right's anti-hoxual activism and focused added on at the national level. The first '"as the promotion of school .,-urri"-'Jlum reform to reflect a greater ance of gay men and lesbians Project 10 in Southern Califor-:-he second was the religious and cal Right's objection to public ng for homoerotic art. The third e was the passage of gay rights ances, bills, and initiatives in the sphere and in state legislatures. ording to People for the American nineteen states and more than .undred cities and counties now .aws or executive orders protect.., ay and lesbian people from disnation. is commonly thought that the responses to each of these three ~lghts issues are grassroots efforts, nted by outraged citizens stirred ction by local manifestations of power." In fact, while local groups "nd do exist, their power and ef"eness are enormously enhanced e technical assistance provided Hio nal New Right organizations. Colorado provides a case study of effective involvement of national .t-wing groups at the local level. orado for Family Values, the local up which sponsored Amendment "as founded by Coloradans Kevin Fall 1993 Tebedo and Tony Marco, and is headed by Colorado Springs car dealer Will Perkins. It promotes itself as a grassroots group, but its tactics, success, and power are largely the result of support from a national antihomosexual campaign mounted by the New Right. Five of the national organizations active in this campaign are represented on the executive and advisory boards of CFV: Focus on the Family, Summit Ministries, Concerned Women for America, Eagle Forum, and Traditional Values. Pat Robertson's Christian Coalition is not officially represented, but has a strong presence in Colorado. According to People for the American Way ... the ReligiOUS Right's antigay vendetta is not as its leaders often claim, a spontaneous outpouring of concern about gay issues. Theirs is a carefully orchestrated political effort, with a unified set of messages and tactics, that is deliberately deSigned to foster division and intolerance. Conclusion Homophobia is a bedrock value in our society, one that crosses lines of class, race, and even gender. Our Calvinist attitudes toward sex, based in religious teaching that sex is only for procreation, and a patriarchal culture that is discomforted by a breaking down of rigid sex roles, combine to create a culture that can deal with homosexuality, if at all, only in the artistic and commercial spheres. The lesbian and gay ~ivil rights movement has pushed homosexuality out of those spheres and into the political and social spheres. This is almost guaranteed to create a backlash while society absorbs and adjusts to new values. While that backlash may be inevitable, it can be tamped down or fanned by political forces. Deprived of its old enemies and needing a new issue to promote, the Right's antihomosexual organizing is rank opportunism. The antigay backlash is in large part a creation of the Right. It is generating funds, keeping right-wing organizations that were in danger of complete eclipse alive with an infusion of new support, and generating the all-important evidence of political power -media attention. The threat this backlash represents is very real. Violence is its most blatant manifestation, but the litany of pain and waste caused by homophobia includes more subtle attacks on gay men and lesbians as well. Furthermore, confronting the backlash distracts time, energy, and money from the work necessary to bring about equal rights for lesbians and gay men. In the United States we must decide what role the church and religious tenets are going to play, especially when those tenets are in conflict with the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. It is not an attack on Christianity or religion to question the propriety of imposing biblical law on a secular society. If ours is a society in which church and state are separate, then the prohibitions of church dogma cannot overrule the protections provided by the Constitution. And the Constitution, to paraphrase Mr. Justice McKenna in the 1910 case of Weems v. U.S . is progressive -it is not fastened to the obsolete but may acquire new meaning as public opinion becomes enlightened by a humane justice . • This article is excerpted from a longer article, "Constructing Homophobia: Colorado's Right-Wing Attack on Homosexuals" in The Public Eye, March 1993, published by Political Research Associates, a research center that monitors right-wing and anti-democratic organizations and trends. Used with permission. Jean Hardisty, Ph.D., is director oj Political Research Associates in Cambridge, Massachusetts. She testiJied as an expert witness on the political and religious Right at the preliminary injunction hearing Jor Al'nendment 2 in Colorado. 15 IZATIO " R IGI,QU§ AMERICAN FAMILY ASSOCIATION PO Drawer 2440 Tupelo, MS38803 601/844-5036 Founded by the Rev. Donald E. Wildmon, 55, an ordained United Methodist minister. Claims 640 chapters and 540,000 members. Staff of 35-40; 4 full time lawyers. Annual income of $6-7 million. Leads boycotts and letter-writing campaigns against major corporations who sponsor "anti-family" TV shows or sell "antifamily" books and videos; distributed rh. Gay Agenda video; started the controversy over the National Endowment for the Arts; and promotes the "Christian" agenda through the judicial system. CHALCEDON PO Box 158 Vallecito, CA 95251 209/736-4365 Founded in 1964 as a leading think tank of the Christian Right. Rousas John (R.J.) Rushdoony, 76, president, is, "the father of Christian reconstructionism." Named after the Council of Chal~~don of 451 A.D. (in which the Lordship of Christ was proclaimed). Purpose is to establish Old Testament Biblical law as the standard for society. Was an early advocate of the Christian school movement; led in establishing special Christian legal organizations; challenges humanism. CHRISTIAN COALITION 180l -L Sara Drive Chesapeake, VA 23320 800/325-4746. Founded by Marion Gordon "Pat" Robertson, 63, a former Baptist minister, who is president. Robertson alsofounded CBN and The 700 (Iub, co-owns The Family Channel, controls a network of radio stations, and in 1993 bought MTM Enterprises (a TV productionoutfit). Staff of 30 claims 50,000 precinct leaders, , 25,000 Church 'liaison leaders, 800 chapters, and 400,000 members. The 1993 budget is $12 million. Purpose is "to mobilize Christians -one precinct at a time, -until once again we are at the top rather than the bottom of our political system." CITIZENS 'FOR EXCELLENCE IN EDUCATION/NATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF CHRISTIAN EDUCATORS PO Box 3200 Costa Mesa, CA 92628 714/546-5931 Founded in 1983 .by Robert l. Simonds, 68, a former fundamentalist minister who taught math at a co~munity college for 20 years. Goal is to bring public education back under tne control of the Christian community. Attacks public school curricula and faculty; works on electing conservative candidates to school boards in order to take complete control of the 15,700 school districts in the U.S. Claims 1210 chapters and a membership of 130,000. CONCERNED WOMEN FOR AMERICA 370 nnfant Promenade SW, #800 Washington, DC 20024 800/458·8797 Founded by Beverly LaHaye, 63, president. "Beverly LaHaye live" on 2 60 Christian stations, reaches 350,000-500,000 listeners. Claims 600,000 me bers and 800-1200 "prayer chain" chapters used to mobilize grassroots pre sure against elected officials. Staff of 25 members. Annual budget of S million. Promotes the idea that IIspirit controlled women" are "truly liberate because they are "totally submissive:' to their husbands. FOCUS ON THE FAMILY PO Box 35500 Colorado Springs, CO 80935 800/232-6459 • 719/531-3400 Founded by Dr. James Dobson,,58, a licensed psychologist, unsala 'e president and chair of the Board. FOF radio talk show is the second larg nationally syndicated program in the U.S., with 4000 ,stations worldwide. S· of 900. Annual budget of $78 million. Focused on school prayer, gay rig .: school choice, pornography, andsex education. Holds Community Impact Se nars to teach local church members how to become political activists; affiliated political groups in 35 stafes; sends out over 52 million pieces literature and more than a million cassettes a year. RUTHERFORD INSTITUTE PO Box 7482 Charlotteville, VA 22906 804/978-3888 Founded in 1982 as the "premier legal arm" of the Right, which acts s counterpart to the AClU. John Whitehead, Esquire, is preSident. Pro . S "religious liberties" such as Sunday blue laws, prayer in public school eve" . teaching of creationism. THE REPORT 42640 10th Street West Lancaster, CA 93534 800/462-4700 Ty and Jeannette Beeson are executive producers of The Report, antigay project of the Springs of life Church in Lancaster, where Ty Beeso pastor. Produced rhe Gay Agenda. Recently released two more vide Insid. ,h. Marlh and rh. Gay Agenda and Publi' Edue 'ion. Publishes rhe Lambda Repo,', a monthly magazine which scribes the homosexual agenda and"..what they do." 16 Open Hands DITIONAL VALUES COALITION South Anaheim Blvd., Suite 350 8570 (Washington, DC) unded by the Reverend Louis P. Sheldon, 59, chairman, a minister in nservative Presbyterian church in America. He has connections to evangelical chu rches. Affiliated grou ps incl ude the National Task for the Preservation of the Heterosexual Ethic in America and -the ·can liberty Institute ("a researc h organization that traces the develt of biblical concepts pertainingto th e foun ding of th e United States r Constitution."). 1990 bu dget of $500, 000. Lo bbies federal and egislators and school boards; supports "rep arative therapy" for those esire to "leave the [homosexual] lifestyle." sources for descriptions of Right organizations: 'ed Clarkson &Skip pPorteous. C"all.nging ,,,. C"ris,ian Rig"': Adivis"s Handbook, 2nd ed., 1993. pp.143-89. ah Crary Gregor y and Scot Nakagawa, Fig'" ,,,. Rig'" Adion ..ople for the American Way, a 20·page, untitled report, publi shed Februeim, CA 92805 520-0300; 202/547•. '993, pp. 27-29. 93. -all 1993 17 We ,.emembe,.! When we join ou,. hand~ and ou,. hea,.t~, ou,. ~ong~ and dance~, ou,. fea,.~ and ange,.~, We ,.emembe,.! A~ the ladde,.~ to and the ci,.cle of all, We ,.emembe,.! When we ca,.e " w-t!ce of ~;-:~?tJ~ «~~~., the ~ou,.ce 0 1:1';' OU,. g,.ace, ,.emembe,.! I]ou a,.e the ~ou,.ce of ou,. .~ he comfo,.t fo,. ou,. fea,., membe,.! You call u~ togethe,. to ~ha,.e ou,. ou,. live~, to lea,.n f,.om ou,. mi~take~, to move on. We ,.emembe,.! We take a deep b,.eath, Created by Carol Larson, who recently completed twelve pe,.hap~ ~mile a little, years as the representative of the laity in a lay/clergy pastoand ~y, Thank I]ou. ral team at Wheadon United Methodist Church-a Reconciling Congregation, in Evanston, Illinois. She is currently a volunteer at the RCP/Open Hands office in Chicago.. 18 Open Hands PQEACHING GRACE/TRAN~fORMING CONDEMNATION By Christine M. Smith ondemnation seems like the most fitting word to describe the astonishing violence perrated upon lesbians and gay men. escribe the oppression of gay men ~esbians as an experience of invis_ and silence is to mask the aggresnature of the violence. Lesbians and ... en are not simply made invisible e social fabric of our nation and in ommunity life of most of our hes, they are actively excluded, sed, and persecuted. The relational ial values and experiences of gay and lesbians are not simply sid; they are judged inferior, devind sick. ling and Understanding ialence understand the condemnation of lesbians and gay men, religious e will need the courage to look at of the fundamental assumptions r culture and our society. Gay or n sexual identity is not just a mat:-individual nature; each is an alive way of living and being in the .~. Gary Comstock, spoke about the 'orming nature of the lives of gay . and lesbians like this: :hile it may not have been our tention, I think we have to face arely that our very lives, ·.... en lived openly and fully, funamentally threaten the social rder. When we begin to make ecisions for ourselves instead :-letting others tell us how we should live, we challenge those 'ho have power at the expense . the disempowered and .larginalized. 1 -:-he structures of the social order to be challenged and changed, algh this will involve a fundamental .sformation of church and society. -transformation is what persons fear most, and what many persons of . 'ilege desperately want to avoid. se in power are being asked to give ~ 'I 1993 up exclusive privilege in search of a different kind of faith community in which power is shared among all God's people. I want to suggest four areas of thought and ministry that might shape a contemporary preacher's personal and pastoral agenda: (1) naming, addressing, and understanding the present social problem as heterosexism and homophobia; (2) clarifying the connections between heterosexism, homophobia, sexism, and male denomination; (3) discerning and understanding heterosexual privilege; and (4) attending to the repercussions of condemnation by our responses to the actual pain, terror, rage, and oppression of gay and lesbian persons. Heterosexism and Homophobia. Janice Raymond deepens our understanding ofheterosexism when she says, Hetero-relations expresses the wide range of affective, social, political, and economic relations that are ordained between men and women by men. Hetero-reality describes the situation created by hetero-relations.2 We are all taught to fear and to condemn persons who vary from this normative standard. Homophobia is a descriptive term for that fear. Homophobia is the irrational fear and hatred of those persons who choose others of their own gender as primary persons to bond with, love, and desire. "Heterosexism is the systemic display of homophobia in the institutions of society."3 In the reality of homophobia, fear is so linked with hatred that the two cannot be separated. Homophobia serves to keep heterosexism and hetero-reality in place. Sexism and Male Denomination. Hetero-relations and heterosexism cannot be understood apart from sexism and male domination. In a world of male domination, it is totally unacceptable for a woman to choose a woman. Domination must be maintained. In a world of male denomination, it is equally unacceptable for a man to choose a man. Domination is maintained only if men fulfill the dominating roles they are assigned. When men step out of these dominating roles there is often a violent response. "Visible gay men are the objects of extreme hatred and fear by heterosexual men because their breaking ranks with male heterosexual solidarity is seen as a damaging rent in the very fabric of sexism."4 The system can maintain itself only if gender relations are rigidly and clearly structured and controlled. These gender relations are structured in a multitude of ways: through strict gender roles, through the institutions of traditional marriage and the nuclear family, and through compulsory heterosexuality. Sexism, male domination, and heterosexism are completely dependent on men having total and unrestricted access to women, and women relating exclusively to men. Discerning Power: A Critique of Heterosexual Privilege. Ifa society and world acknowledge and value only heterosexual relationships, then that society and world will grant to heterosexual persons certain rights, privileges, and protections that lesbians and gay men will not have. A part of the work of preachers responding to the injustice of heterosexism and homophobia involves inviting heterosexual persons honestly to discern and take responsibility for their privilege while seeking to critique the ideology and social fabric that producesuchinequality. Heterosexual privilege has to do with every aspect of our lives, from holding hands with persons we love to assumptions we make about our privileged place in all the social and political systems of government and church. Gay and lesbian oppression is the daily experience of being silenced when heterosexual persons may speak, being made invisible when heterosexual reality is the only reality assumed and affirmed, and being terrorized by the constant awareness that an inappropriate comment, 19 look, reaction, or expression could change one's entire life. The church will be able to understand this reality only when it listens attentively to the everyday experiences of lesbians and gay men. This listening to the voice of otherness will tune our hearts and spirits to their oppression and our complicity. Attending to the Repercussions of Condemnation. Lesbians and gay men are violated not only by silence, invisibility, and lies, but also by inadequate health care, lack of access to housing, job discrimination, and a multitude of other oppressive realities. What distinctive words and actions will preachers speak and take on behalf of those who suffer a multitude of effects from this kind of condemnation? As preachers and religiOUS communities struggle to respond to the complex and painful agenda of dismantling heterosexism and homophobia, we need to be clear that our work is not simply about the acceptance and empowerment of gay men and lesbians, but is ultimately about social transformation. The most basic understandings of power in our social, political, and ecclesiastical structures must be changed. Dominance and submission at every level of human existence are called into question. What will be our homiletical and theological responses as we seek to address and dismantle the condemning violence ofheterosexism and homophobia? Preaching Grace The grace of God becomes one of the most powerful messages preachers and religiOUS communities might proclaim in faithful response to the violence ofheterosexism and homophobia. The grace of God and the gracefilled love of human beings can shatter prisons of gender domination and submission, expose illusions of moral and ethical superiority, transform judgments into moments of profound acceptance, and empower us to dwell in the realm of mystery rather than condemnation. God's distinctive love and grace are central to the task, but human agency in the work of reconciliation, community building, and justice making is central to a liberationist perspective on grace. In liberation theology, grace has less to do with the forgiveness of individual sins, and more to do with confronting and transforming social and systemic forces and structures that produce evil. Grace empowers human beings to participate in the redemptive process of transformation and justice. It is a love that empowers those whom society would strip of power. It is a grace that indicts and exposes all those human realities that destroy sacred community and embodied justice. Dwelling in Mystery. Grace is by to bear the mystery of God's grace, and it is difficult and often painful to bear the mystery of our created sisters and brothers. Mystery is life-sustaining, but it also engenders fears . A part of the responsibility of preaching is to help religiOUS communities dwell in mystery and know that our capacity to accept and receive mystery has profound implications for our social and political life together. Sanctifying grace involves the work of dwelling in mystery -our own, each other's, and God's. Dwelling in mystery is not an abstract or illusive dimension of human agency; it is concrete and particular. It means accepting a person whose sexual orientation or preference is different from your own without judgment or condemnation. It means accepting the mysterious nature of human sexuality instead cal literalisms or archaic eccleSIastical traditions. It means buildin Christian and religiOUS communities with persons of all sexual orientations. and it involves naming and celebrating the particularities of sexuality. To embrace the work of dwelling in mystery, we ask ourselves and each other to cease the condemnation of that which we do not understand, and to begin the Open Hands nature mysterious. It is difficult for us of attempting reduce its power an passion with narrow bibl 20 ""-::ess of allowing those differences to ce a claim upon the work we do for stice. The healing and liberating work race invites us into the mystery of erness and changes us forever. Preachers need to be concrete in our tations to congregations to dwell in ~ery. The content and words of our ons need the mystery of paradox, mystery of the unknown, and the ery of otherness. ifie Deliverance from Fear. For ~ or heterosexual persons, experiencthe concrete lives of gay men and lans raises complex and frightening -stions about sexuality, intimacy, and .der identity. In a culture that encourdisembodi-ment, perpetuates the .al of vital and passionate sexuality, regulates and restricts any fluidity ender identity, one of the expected -~onses to the presence of lesbians gay men will be fear. preachers, surely a part of our -sage of liberating grace is that derance from fear ultimately demands we plunge our lives directly into Je things we fear the most. Claim:; one's own fear is an inward look he deepest vulnerabilities and limins of one's created self. In facing r fears, we may be able to be liberand saved from them. And as we '~owledge those fears, we transform eed to condemn that which we fear. 'articipating in the salvific delivere of grace requires a courageous 3'.:.:hing ministry. We might preach t all those things that we have been ht to deny and silence. We will find .ng ways to speak about human 'Ie passion, embodied sexuality, and !'isks of human intimacy. We need 3cknowledge honestly the truths and iguities about human intimacy, the onsistencies of sexuality; and the ceny of our concrete, embodied huexistence. We might proclaim a ound understanding of grace as the ent and means of release and delivere from these deepest fears of our n humanness. James Nelson speaks ut this releasing: 'ou are accepted, the total you. 'our body; which you often reject, s accepted by that which is reater than you.Your sexual feelngs and unfulfilled yearnings are accepted. You are accepted in your ascetic attempts at self-justification or in your hedonistic alienation from the true meaning of your sexuality. You are accepted in those moments of sexual fantasy which come unbidden and which both delight and disturb you. You are accepted in your femininity and in your masculinity; for you have elements of both. You are accepted in your heterosexuality and in your homosexuality, and you have elements of both. Simply accept the fact that you are accepted as a sexual person! If that happens to you, you experience grace.s If our preaching ministries are to be vehicles of this kind of liberating and salvific grace, then the content and presence of our preaching will need to be shaped by sacred acceptance. Preaching will be challenged to affirm that the spiritual nature of one's human reality cannot be separated from one's embodied self. Preachers will need to be brave enough to declare that our sexuality is not to be willfully controlled but rather is to be embraced, celebrated, and ethically lived to its fullest. The images and language of our preaching can paint vivid pictures of mutuality and intimacy rather than dominance and submission. Heterosexual people are not the only ones who need salvific deliverance from fear. For gay men and lesbians, the concrete realities of heterosexism and homophobia produce immense anger and fear. That fear distorts and poisons individual relationships, erodes selfconfidence and self-worth, and renders invisible the full relational matrix of gay and lesbian life. For some, this fear leads to anonymous sexual encounters, blatant denial of loved ones, compulsive and addictive behaviors that might numb the persistent pain, and family estrangement. Gay men and lesbians are also in need of salvific deliverance from fear. For many gay men and lesbians, the mediators of God's grace are other lesbians and gay men, and seldom the church. Salvi fie deliverance comes most often from an exiled religious community existing on the borders of, or completely outside, an oppressive institutional church. For Christian preachers, perhaps the greatest challenge regarding salvific deliverance is to look outside the bounds of the traditional church at the places that mediate liberating grace in the lives of gay men and lesbians. Perhaps our preaching might change if we experienced the concrete ways gay men and lesbian women build community from the pains of invisibility, silence, and condemnation. Our preaching needs to reach into these places and experiences of exiled community in order to understand more fully the face, context, and essence of deliverance and saving grace for lesbians and gay men... NOTES lGary David Comstock, "Aliens in the Promised Land? Keynote Address for the 1986 National Gathering of the United Church of Christ's Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. " as quoted in Hasbany, Homosexuality and Religion, p. 140. 2Janice G. Raymond, A Passion for Friends: Toward a Philosophy of Female Affection (Boston: Beacon Press, I 986), p. 7. JSuzanne Pharr, Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism (Inverness, CA: Chardon Press, 1988),p. 16. 4Ibid., pp. 18, 19. 5James B. Ne/.son, Embodiment: An Approach to Sexuality and Christian Theology (Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, .1978), pp. 78-79. This article is excerpted from a chapter in the author's book, Preaching As Weeping, Confession, and Resistance: Radical Responses to Radical Evil (Louisville, KY: John Knox/Westminster Press, 1992). Used with permission. Christine M. Smith is Associate Professor of Preaching and Worship at United Theological Seminary ofthe Twin Cities, New Brighton, Minnesota, and has also written Weaving the Sermon: Preaching in a Feminist Perspective. - all 1993 21 •• •• •• •• • • EDUCATING OURSELVES: THE ANTIGAY AGENDA Our natural tendency is probably to avoid looking at and listening to the messages of the Right about gay men and lesbians. We've heard about their tabloids. We've heard about the lurid character of their video, The Gay Agenda. Why would we want to subject ourselves to those negative, inaccurate images and messages? Two reasons, at least, come to mind. First, most of us still harbor some vestiges of homophobia, even if we've worked hard to eradicate it. Immersing ourselves in the messages of the Right is another way to "debrief' or "detox." Second, to work against the Right's agenda, we need to know as precisely as we can what they are saying, how, and why. Rights "' ..JU" ·... 1 ,,:),Ut" .ICII This new 40-minute video, produced by Jeremiah Films and distributed by the Traditional Values Coalition, seeks to reveal the "myths" behind a so-called "gay agenda ." Using footage from the 1993 March on Washington and statements by lesbian/gay leaders, Gay Rights/ Special Rights builds upon common fears and stereotypes of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons to portray the gay/lesbian rights movement as a powerful conspiracy to attain "special rights." Several leaders of the Right are interviewed in the film . This new video is essentially arevision and upgrading of the Right's well-known video, The Gay Agenda. This video is avery effective and frightening piece of propaganda. It can be purchased for $23 from Traditional Values Coalition, PO Box 940, Anaheim, CA 92815; 714/520ing Congregation Program's national office. (See below.) Truths Produced by the Gay and Lesbian Emergency Media Campaign as aresponseto The Gay Agenda and other Religious Right propaganda, this 58-minute video has three parts: I) an examination of the Re ligious Right, its agenda, and its strategies; 2) a case study using the 1992 antigay referendum in Oregon; and 3) aportrayal of the diversity of the lesbian, gay, and bisexual community through interviews with a variety of different persons. This video provides useful information about the Religious Right in a somewhat rambling style. It can purchased for $35 (plus $2 .90 for priority handling) from GLEMC, c/o Rachel Williams, 390 Dean Street, Brooklyn, NY 1121 7. -Reviewed by Mark Bowman 0300. It can be borrowed from the Reconcil-Reviewed by Mark Bowman As several writers in this issue of Open Hands have noted, education is a crucial part of responding to the Right. A helpful part of that educational effort will be a thorough, intentional viewing of the Right's new video, Gay Rights/Special Rights. A follow-up session might be used -as an antidote -to view and discuss the video Sacred Lies/Civil Truths, which was produced in response to The Gay Agenda and other materials from the Right. • • RELIGIOUS RIGHT VIDEO AND LEADER'S GUIDE AVAILABLE FROM Rep •• Video available for Loan: Contact the RCP Office: Gay Rights/Special Rights • > to schedule a loan of the video : •••• Distributed by the Traditional Values Coalition, > to secure your copy of the Leader's Guide • an organization of the Right Suggested Donation for Guide, $10 : A 40-minute video which claims to reveal "myths" about the "gay agenda." . • • • : Special Guide available for church group use: Reconciling Congregation Program : • Leader's Guide for Gay Rights/Special Rights 3801 N. Keeler • : Prepared by the Reconciling Congregation Program Chicago, Illinois 60641 : • A IS-page guide which includes suggestions for 312/736-5526 • : preparing to view the video, a 90-minute session plan, 312/736-5475 (Fax) : • and five background articles. • :.....................................~.................•........ Open Hands ' By Susan Thornton o understand what pastoral care would look like as we respond to the impact of the .v .t, we first need to look briefly at "our own" people are. Then we st look at the ReligiOUS Right and its ssages about gay and lesbian per.5 . Only then can we look at the pe and content of our pastoral care roach to our own people. o Are Our Own? our welcoming congregations, as 'ell as in other moderate congrega.5, are many different kinds of pers. Some are persons who have been :nformed and have remained in de:. Others have discounted the Relius Right's power and/ or have ded direct engagement with them. one colleague said, it seems easier • liberal heterosexual Christians to eh"e gays and lesbians than to talk persons on the Right. -rhere are persons in our congrega.s for whom some of the messages "0 true, at least about the moral de: m the United States. Others are consed by the messages of the Right. Still .. ers -gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, their families and friends -are di1)' impacted by the actions of the ht and find themselves in fear, pain, anger on an almost daily basis. There are also those among us who 'e been actively involved in the gay lesbian civil rights movement or the o-choice movement who have had rect experience with people and orizations from the Right. Some of the people in our congregans are Baby Boomers, many of whom em to be attracted to the message of e ReligiOUS Right organizations. Oth5 may have grown up in an authoriian environment and continue to Fall 1993 exhibit some of its characteristics. As the Pogo cartoon says, "We have met the enemy and they is us. " A View of the Right The hope the Right holds is to "bring back America" and "traditional family values," to turn around the permissiveness which endangers children and families, and to restore America to its most favored nation status in the world . To do this, they wish to write salvation religion into the very heart of American government. They believe that change must happen in this generation and that the problems must be addressed in a systemic manner. Since traditional forms of changing public policy are blocked, they believe they must use alternate means and methods to achieve their goals. Fundamentalist and conservative churches become a locus for reaching people and for organizing. One significant focus of the Religious Right is to prevent gay men and lesbians from gaining equal rights. In an article in Christianity and Crisis, Donna Minkowitz catalogues the "antigay" activities and gains of the Religious Right since the presidential election in 1992. She cites the work of groups such as the Christian Coalition and Focus on the Family, where much editorial comment is focused on the threat by homosexuals to public health and to children. She notes the Christian Coalition candidates gaining majorities on local school boards and influencing curriculum decisions about sex education and diversity education. She ends her article with these sobering words, "My life still depends on the success or failure of antigay organizers from the Christian right."l The ReligiOUS Right has mastered the art of painting images and portraits to convince their hearers that what they describe is in truth, "a homosexual." A 20-minute video, The Gay Agenda, produced by affiliates of the Christian Coalition, contains as one writer puts it "every disgusting, lurid inch of footage that could be captured on film of the most radical segments of the San Francisco gay community during an annual Gay Pride parade .. ." 2 In other publications of the Right, lesbians and gay men are portrayed as a wealthy elite threatening the economic interests of ordinary people, that is, heterosexuals. They are also described as Nazi-like or as seeking special rights. "Caring for our own" will take different forms depending upon the faces and the realities of the individuals with whom we minister -and how the activities and messages of the Right have impacted them. However, in most cases our pastoral care will involve at least three components: education; emotional/spiritual support; and empowerment. A Ministry of Educating We must remember that the Right claims the authority of Scripture, a Scripture which is inerrant, infallible, and verbally inspired. Many of our people are uncomfortable challenging the claims of the ReligiOUS Right because they have not articulated the foundations on which they themselves stand. Our people need to be able not only to feel that Scripture guides life and that God speaks to them through it, but to know how they interpret it. They need to know by what authority they speak, and how is Scripture authoritative for them? What weight do they give traditions, and personal experience, and what are the hermeneutical (interpretive) principles they follow? To continue to come to terms with our beliefs and to reclaim our Scripture is a central ingredient in healing and challenging fundamentalism. 23 A Sustaining Presence Pastoral care with our own also involves offering spiritual and emotional support. Encountering the fear and misperceptions and even hatred of those in the Religious Right can evoke powerful feelings -of anger, rage, and fear. To hear ourselves and/or those we stand with characterized by an image that fits none of us is not new, though still hurtful. To hear the Right claiming to be Christian and to watch their recent powerful organizing efforts adds another level of fear and anger. Pastoral care in such situations and under such conditions means welcoming persons with all their feelings. It means proViding a safe space in which to both feel and express those feelings, without judgment or recrimination. We are to "bear one another's burdens." We are to offer a ministry of "presence. " One pastoral care strategy we can institute is a time of sharing during worship where people can express social and political concerns as well as personal items ofjoy and concern. We can offer a prayer circle time in worship, where people are encouraged to pray about all of their concerns -personal, political, spiritual, economic, global. At the same time, we can hold one another toJesus' challenge to "love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you. " We can continue to support one another in resisting, standing firm, and in refraining from stereotyping, labeling, and using rhetorical venom. All of us have been hurt in some way by heterosexism, sexism, racism, ageism, and others systems of oppression and we need to create times and places individually and in groups where we can hear one another's stories, affirm our feelings, and seek to understand those feelings and experiences. But pastoral caring does not stop here. We can remind people, either verbally or by our presence, that they do not need to remain stuck in rage or fear. We can suggest potential avenues for action. The ReligiOUS Right emerged partly in response to an American society where the old social cohesiveness based on sameness was breaking down. For some people, the idea of returning to an earlier day is attractive because while they would like to be more open, they can't see how to do it. We in welcoming churches have an alternative to the Religious Right's vision of cohesion based .on homogeneity. We also know how hard it is to move beyond a surface understanding of one another's lives, and the effects of homophobia in them, into a deeper dialogue. A popular t-shirt says, "Love sees no color." N ow ano ther one says, "Love sees all colors." That is the type of shift that we are seeking to make in our congregations, from a no n-d isc ri m i na to r y stance to a truly accepting stance. To achieve it, education and dialogue, along with a sustaining presence, are essential pastoral care strategies. Empowering One last component of pastoral care is empowering our people to directly engage members of the Right. Pastoral care at this point will mean helping our people to sort out whether and what kinds of dialogue are possible. Questions will need to be explored such as "Is it possible for persons of the Right to respect gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals, and if not, can dialogue proceed?" If our church is organizing to engage in direct dialogue with members of the Right, questions and feelings about who should speak and who will be heard by the Right will need patient and sensitive care. It is obvious that heterosexual allies can speak and witness in ways that gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals cannot and still be heard. On the other hand, stories and leadership directly from gay men, lesbians, and bisexual persons can have a powerful effect on persons from the Right. Further, in order to be effective in dialogue with the Right, people must learn to act rather than react. They will find it helpful to identify what the other persons' fears are, what the driving force is underneath their activity, and what their hopes are in order to determine if there is a common ground from which to dialogue. Learning to act directly, to speak directly, and to understand where the other person is coming from are empowering skills we can give our people . In Conclusion To all of us, I would say we need to continue to pray that the Spirit of Christ and not the spirit of fear and hostility would guide us in our work together. ... NOTES JDonna Minkowitz, "The Christian Right's Antigay Campaign" Christianity and Crisis (April 12, 1993):99-104 . 2Bella Stumbo, "The State of Hate" Esquire (Septembel-1993):73. Susan Thornton is a pastoral psychotherapist and Jormer Clinical Pastoral Education Supervis01~ A Presbyterian minister Jor twenty years, she worships with St. Luke Presbyterian Church in Wayzata, Minnesota, and is a member oj PresbyteriansJor Lesbian and Gay Concerns. 24 Open Hands The Church Responds ~~thAGH'1 L.hristians are becoming more organized and vocal in response to the Religious Right. Insistence on God's love for all and on human justice for all rings out across the country! Important organizing is occurring across race, gender, age, rexual orientation, and religious affiliation. Members of three such groups tell lOW they got started. Listen to the voices! Add your own! a] . simple justice "What does God require of you but to do justcie, and to love kindness , and to walk humbly with your God?" ... MICAH 6:8 SIMPLE JUSTICE SIMPLE JUSTICE is a network of 'nited Methodist individuals, groups, ongregations, and others in Washing- n and northern Idaho who support ._man rights and civil liberties for all ersons regardless of sexual orientation. . formed in February of 1993 as an utreach of the Reconciling Congrega'ions Task Force (RCTF) of the Pacific ,~orthwest Annual Conference, UMC. We seek to put into practice that sec. on of Paragraph 71F of the Book of Discipline of the United Methodist r-hurch which states: "We insist that all ersons, regardless of age, gender, marial status, or sexual orientation, are en'itled to have their human and civil rights ensured." Our focus is therefore strictly on civil rights. Participants in SIMPLE JUSTICE enter into a covenant: to share informa"on, to provide material support for its 'ork, and to respond to the best of their bility to its appeals for action on specific issues. Our current membership :-epresents over 1200 people in Washngton state and Northern Idaho. Fall 1993 We have organized letter-writing campaigns and phone campaigns in support of Washington State's Anti-Discrimination Bill which would include sexual orientation among the existing categories. Our focus for 1993-94 is to work against the "Colorado-style" initiative that is coming to the ballot in Washington, Oregon, and Idaho in November of 1994, Michael Spencer has worked on behalf of RCTFfor five years. Sue Sherbrooke served as a lay delegate to the 1992 General Conference. Both are members ofWallingJord United Methodist Church, a Reconciling Congregation. For more information, write to SIMPLEJUSTICE, PO Box 20116, Seattle, WA 98102. MAINE CLERGY ORGANIZE The Portland, Maine City Council passed City Ordinance 13A in May 1992 to secure the rights of gay and it • lesbian persons in areas of employment, hOUSing, public accommodations, and credit. Portland is dedicated to being an inclusive community. However, some in Portland and beyond interpreted Portland's inclusive values to be corrupting of a purity they seek and see themselves called to define and defend. They also feared the effect of the Portland precedent upon the state's anti-discrimination laws which presently do not identify gay and lesbian persons for civil rights protection. The cartoon (below) appeared in the May 20, 1992 Portland Press Herald, Portland's major newspaper. The conservative Christian movement in Maine, led by The Christian Civic League, took exception. Their director mailed a letter to his donors with appeals to support the organization's efforts to repeal ordinance 13A He enclosed a copy of the cartoon with these words: I t appeared in a Maine newspaper and it was a vicious and hateji1led attack upon Maine Christians. It was an attack upon ourfaith. It was an attack upon our intelligence. It >= o 'Vi Vl '§ w 0.. -5 '~ e "0 ;r: w Vl Vl e: 0... "0 >= ~ £: w -5 E -.§ "0 w 'i:: 'C Sf ~ w 0.. ___ 25 was an attack upon our Lord. A petition was circulated to repeal 13A and qualified as an initiative on the November 1992 ballot. Feeling the imperative to identify other Christians with an inclusive ethic, five Portland United Church of Christ clergy began to organize clergy in the greater Portland region to oppose negative discrimination and to support City Ordinance 13A We designed a four step process: 1) solicit Portland area UCC clergy for a major ad in the local paper; 2) encourage sermons and serious study of the issue in our local churches and provide resources for such preaching and study; 3) solicit ecumenical and inter-faith clergy for a second ad; 4) generate denominational executive support for supporting 13A Twenty-nine UCC clergy signed on and contributed $50 each to support the first ad. Our Conference Minister in Maine worked for support from executives of other denominations, gaining clear endorsement from some and passive agreem ent from others. All clergy and religious leaders in the Portland area were then solicited for their signatures and a $15 contribution. An inter-faith ad ran with fifty-nine signatures. Our efforts were coordinated with Equal Protection Portland, developed in 1992 to support City Ordinance 13A The initiative to repeal was defeated. Bill Gregory is Senior Minister at WoodJords Congregational Church, UCC, in Portland. He is the author oj Faith Before Faithfulness: Centering the Inclusive Church (Pilgrim, 1992). ECUMENICAL ORGANIZING It is often difficult to find clergy and laypersons in one synagogue, church, or denomination with the concern and commitment necessary to organize for a high-profile public witness against homophobia and heterosexism. An ecumenical and inter-religious organization that begins with concerned and committed persons, no matter how few, may be the answer. It was for us in North Carolina. In the fall of 1987, the Raleigh Human Resources and Human Relations Advisory Committee requested the Raleigh City Council to add "sexual orientation" to the city's anti-discrimination ordinance. Those two groups sponsored a public hearing at which lesbians and gay men gave testimony about their experiences of discrimination and harassment. A consistent theme in those testimonies was of rejection and alienation from religiOUS communities. 1988 North Carolina Gay & Lesbian Pride March Carrying banner: Jimmy Creech, Mahan Siler, and Jim Lewis Religious leaders who were confronted by those testimonies began to discuss how they could challenge the pervasive hostility toward gay men and lesbians within religious communities as well as within society at large. With approximately fifteen interested and committed lay persons and clergy, the organizing began and RRNGLE was born. The active membership is now over thirty-five persons with eleven different religious affiliations. Raleigh Religious Network for Gay & Lesbian Equality The members of RRNGLE are committed to being a very public challenge to the prevailing hostility within the religious communities. It has sponsored a high-profile annual conference since 1988. It has purchased advertisements, Signed by the members, to support lesbian and gay pride events in the state. Members have written opinion pieces for local papers. RRNGLE has been active in local and state-wide political gay rights initiatives. The success of RRNGLE is attributable to a clear understanding of "who" it is. It is its membership and not an "institution" that exists to survive. It is a membership made up of persons who speak for themselves and not for the synagogues, churches, and other organizations with which they are affiliated. It is a "radical cadre" that is comfortable being few in nu mber. It is a proactive, public witness. Three similar organizing efforts in North Carolina have been spawned by RRNGLE. In 1991, the international meeting of pFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) met in Charlotte. An ticipating public opposition from the Religious Right, RRNGLE met with supportive clergy during the P-FLAG conference. The result was the creation of the "Charlotte Area Ministerial Association Gay and Lesbian Task Force" that has fostered dialogue between the mainline churches and the lesbian and gay community. Through its annual conferences, RRNGLE identified a number of persons from the Winston-Salem area and in a meeting in early 1992 helped create the "Piedmont ReligiOUS Network for Gay and Lesbian Equality." Realizing that the 1992 North Carolina Lesbian and Gay Pride events, scheduled in Asheville, would bring a ReligiOUS Right response, RRNGLE met with clergy and lay persons there and helped create the "Asheville ReligiOUS Network for Gay and Lesbian Equality." ARNGLE purchased advertisements, signed by its members, in local newspapers in support of the Gay Pride events. It continues to address religiOUS and social issues related to lesbians and gay men. jimrny Creech is Program Associate oj the North Carolina Council oj Churc hes and a member oj the Board oj th e Reconciling Congregation Program (United Methodist). To contact write: RRNGLE, PO Box 5961, Ra leigh, NC 27650-5961 . Open Hands 26 5 6. 9. a. a. b. c. ''' names at every opportue;r 'experience 10 take on e work. g'roups around the country; -Michael Spencer Sirl1ple Justice Ten St~ps For Organizing a De~:R:~'in~~~g,~al Group to ~oi1f.vil Rights ~ THEOLOGY/PHILOSOPHY OF THE RIGHT Menendez, AlbertJ. Visions of Reality: What Fundamentalist Schools Teach. Prometheus Books. [Examines the most widely used textbooks in fundamentalist private schools.] Mollenkott, Virginia Ramey. Sensuous Spirituality: Out From Fundamentalism. New York: Crossroad, 1992. [Contains many insights concerning interpretive communities.] Nordbeck, Elizabeth C . Thunder on the Right -Understanding Conservative Christianity in America. New York: United Church Press, 1990. [Examines "the fundamentalist, charismatic, evangelical, and pentecostal movements...during the last half of the twentieth century." (book cover)] Rogers, Jack B., and McKim, Donald. The Authority and Interpretation of the Bible. New York: Harper &: Row, 1979. [A scholarly work placing fundamentalism in a full theological context.] Spong, John Shelby. ' Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism: A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning of Scripture. San Francisco: Harper, 1991. [Provides a crash course on the liberal hermeneutic.] POLITICS OF THE RIGHT Bellant, Russ. The Coors Connection: How Coors Family Philanthropy Undermines Democratic Pluralism. Cambridge: Political Research Associates, 1990. ["A well-d.ocumented investigation into the far-right political activities and funding relationships of the Coors beer family..." Institute for First Amendment Studies (IFAS)] Diamond, Sara. Spiritual Warfare: The Politics of the Christian Right. Boston: South End Press, 1989. ["This left-of-center critique is the best available primer on the history, ideology, factions, and plans of the Christian Right." (IFAS) If you will read only one book on the Right, choose this one.] Freeman, Matthew. The San Diego Model: A Community Battles the Religious Right. Washington, DC: People for the American Way, 1993. [Describes the Right's "stealth campaign" model.] Marty, Martin E., and Appleby, R. Scott. The Fundamentalism Project Series. 6 Vols . Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1991, 1993. Fundamentalisms Observed, Vol. 1; Fundamentalism and SOCiety, Vol. 2; Fundamentalism and the State, Vol. 3; Vols. 4, 5 and 6 available 1994-95. PERSONALITY OF THE RIGHT [Suggestions on the nature of the authoritarian mind and the possible causes of abuse.} Adorno, Theodore, et. al. The Authoritarian Personality. New York: Harper, 1950. Herman, Judith Lewis. Trauma and Recovery. Basic Books, 1992. Miller, Alice. Banished Knowledge. New York. Doubleday, 1990 and For Your Own Good. Canada: Collins Publishers, 1984. Rokeach, Milton. The Open and Closed Mind: Investigations into the Nature of Belief Systems. New York: Basic Books, 1960. ..J Fall 1993 27 THE ANTIGAY AGENDA OF THE RIGHT Minkowitz, Donna. "The Christian Right's Anti-gay Campaign." Christianity & Crisis, April 12, 1993, pp. 99-104. Pharr, Suzanne. "Four Articles on the Religious Right." Transformation. Little Rock, AR: Women's Project, 1992-93. Segrest, Mab and Leonard Zeskind. Quarantines and Death: The Far Right's Homophobic Agenda. Atlanta: Center for Democratic Renewal, 1989. Stumbo, Bella. "American Scene: The State of Hate." Esquire, September 1993, pp. 73-84. [On Colorado's Amendment 2.] WRITTEN BY THE RIGHT Barron, Bruce. Heaven on Earth? The Social and Political Agendas of Dominion Theology. Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1992. Dannemeyer, William. Shadow in the Land: Homosexuality in America. San Francisco: IgnatiUS Press, 1989. ["Must read" says Political Research Associates.] Jones, Stanton L. "The Loving Opposition," Christianity Today, July 19, 1993, p.18. [Jones urges fellow conservatives to embrace a more loving way in responding to homosexuality.] Magnuson, Roger J. Are Gay Rights Right? Making Sense of the Controversy. Portland, OR: Multnomah Press, 1990. ["Must read" says Political Research Associates.] Nobel, David A. Understanding the Times: The Story of the Biblical Christian, Marxist/Leninist and Secular Humanist Worldviews. Manitou Springs, CO: Summit Ministries, 1991. North, Gary. Backward Christian Soldiers: An Action Manual for Christian Reconstruction. Tyler, TX: Institute for Christian Economics, mid-1980s. [The most accessible book on the politics of Christian Reconstructionism. (lFAS)] Phillips, Charles R. The Blue Book for Grassroots Politics. NY: Oliver Nelson, a division of Thomas Nelson Publishers. [The Christian Right's how-to manual. (IFAS)] Robertson, Pat. The New World Order: It Will Change Your Life. Dallas, TX: Word Publishing, 1991. Schaeffer, Francis A. AChristian Manifesto. Westchester, IL: Crossway Books, 1981. RESPONDING TO THE RIGHT Center for Democratic Renewal. When Hate Groups Come to Town: A Handbookfor Effective Community Responses. 2nd ed. PO Box 50469, Atlanta, GA 30302. Suggested donation, $18.95. Marsh, Dave. 50 Ways to Fight Censorship & Important Facts to Know About the Censors. New York: Thunder's Mouth Press. Political Research Associates Packet Series. Constructing Homophobia: How the Right Wing Defines Lesbians, Gay Men, and Bisexuals as a Threat to Civilization. Cambridge, MA:PRA. [Includes primary source material from the Religious Right.] Smith, Christine M. Preaching As Weeping, Confession, and Resistance: Radical Responses to Radical Evil. Louisville, KY: Westminster/John Knox, 1992. [Includes discussion of ageism, handicappism, heterosexism, sexism, white racism, classism.] Wink, Walter. Engaging the Powers: Discernment and Resistance in a World of Domination. Minneapolis: Fortress Press, 1992. [How the dominant culture is captured by the Babylonian myth of domination, and Jesus' commitment to partnership and nonviolent resistance.] 28 Open Hands Letfe7f to t/.e EA4t07 We welcome bOth Clitical and appteCiatiVe responses to OPEN J{AlIIDS. We reserve tue right to select. edit.rs and shOrten all submiSsiOns. Nllette must be signed. with addIess and phOne. please indicate i! ,/ou do not want ,/0\11 letter to be publiShed. 0\11 polic,/ is to publiSh letters. over ,/0\11 full nallle. cM and state. We WIll occasio,/ nJlI aletter anon'llllOUSl'l. nallrt(~~ ,... reetings to you, I wanted to send a note of "Exultation and Praise" to you the great issue of Open Hands on Aging and Integrity. Fall 1992] Both my partner and I read it cover-to-cover (as s~on as it was off the press)! If there's a criticism, it's only .. at it just begins to uncover the iceberg. I know there's lots r material out there on this topic, so I hope there can be another one or two issues devoted to the topic of aging. Of course, mine is a very personal interest. (I'm no kid and my partner is over sixty-five.) .. .Thanks again for your work on this. We look forward to the next issues with happy anticipation ... Judy Jahnke, Rosemont, IL J ear Sir/Madam: Please cancel my subscription. The magazine itself is -erious, dry, statistics. Serious, serious writing. Even the uman interest stories are boring. It just wasn't what I expected.However, please keep my subscription payment 5 a contribution for I agree with your views -Gay/lesbian/ . sexuals should enjoy the normal civil rights we all eny -acceptance in society, adoption, marriage ... Donna Walthour, Leechburg, PA Editor's Note: The magazine is serious. We admit it. I am ooking for light, humorous, human interest stories related to .tpcoming themes. (See list on page 3) I am also interested in "-eceiving cartoons. Please include the name, address, phone "lumber, and date of the newspaper or magazine where you lound it. Cartoonists are also welcome to send material to our Chicago address. To the Editor: As I cannot find a disclaimer in the Summer 1993 issue, Biblical Interpretation: BeyondJudgment to Love, I have a big Summer 1993 evangelical bone to pick with [the]... treatment of Mark 12:35-40 in the article by Arnold Isidore Thomas [po 24]. Specifically, how can any interpretation of the NT canon dare to ignore various ascriptions to Messiah as the rightful heir to the throne of David with the simplistic refutation: " ...and precedes his rejection of the notion that the Messiah is the Son of David ... " [po24, col. 2] Don't you realize that this ...treatment of the Lord's purposed confounding (Mark 11:33) of those who rejected his messianic authority -as witnessed by his miraculous fulfillment of messianic prophecies -gives fundamentalist, traditionalist, and heterosexist evangelical Christians an excuse to ignore everything else your otherwise splendid publication has to say on behalf of oppressed and suffering gay and lesbian Christians? Phillip B. Harry, Temple City, CA Rev. Dr. Arnold Thomas replies: There can be no doubt that there are competing theories regarding the messianic identity of jesus in the Synoptic Gospels, but there should also be no doubt that Mark 12:35-37 (as Matthew 22:41-46 and Luke 20:41-44) favors a christology that does not require a Davidic stamp of approval. Biblical scholars have long acknowledged that the Bible does not speak with one voice concerning the christly identity ofJesus. Robert Funk, in his edition of The Gospel of Mark, suggests that these different points of view arose out of a segment of the early church, "in which there was some tension between the messiah as the son of man (a heavenly figure) and the messiah as the son of David (a political, royal figure)." (Funk, p. 188) This tension, most likely, did not originate with jesus, but with the effort of first century Christians to define the significance of jesus' ministry to the world beyond judaism. Sherman Johnson, in exegeting Matthew 22:41-46 for The Interpreter's Bible, states that "early Christians understood that jesus was a descendant of David (Acts 2:25-36, Romans 1 :3); but he did not derive his authority from his physical descent, and that the Messiah must be thought of, not as a national monarch but as the Lord of all, exalted far above David, ...and David cannot be compared with him." Oohnson, p. 526) Rev. Dr. Arnold Isidore Thomas Dear Mary jo, Thanks very much for sending the Summer issue of Open Hands .. .! stand in awe of the speed with which the issue came out; I had presumed a necessarily longer interim between our last conversation and publication. Also, I am impressed with the handsome layout throughout...Do you suppose others will do what I did, namely, to compare the photos of the two [Furnishes] to see whether they are related! I hope this issue gets the attention you hope for... Victor Paul Furnish Dallas, TX Editor's Note: Yes, people have asked! Victor and Dorothy Jean are brother and sister. 29 Welcome New Churches We welcome eleven additional churches to the movement. Hennepin Avenue UMC Minneapolis, Minnesota Since its founding in 1875, Hennepin Avenue has consistently been one of the largest churches in Minneapolis, now with almost 3,000 members. Located downtown, the congregation reflects the diversity of the Twin Cities area. The congregation is known for "great preaching, great music and social outreach." Its membership reflects a blend of a strong tradition with a forward-looking vision, including about 125 new members whose average age is under 30. Its Reconciling Congregation declaration has brought a number of new gay, lesbian, and bisexual members. r..T...TAT~ ................. OPEN -----m-[!~!~~ ................. OPEN AND AFFIRMING Community Congregational Church Tiburon, California A small city congregation, Community Congregational's 280 members are from all over Marin County. This is a theologically diverse and environmentally and globally concerned church which values the expression of spirituality through music and art. It enjoys a creative, non-traditional worship style. The church is beginning a four-month contemplative series for those wishing to nurture their spiritual awareness and growth. First Congregational UCC Gloversville, New York Located in a conservative area of upstate New York, First Congregational is fairly unique in its liberal commitments and social consciousness. The church has started numerous programs in the area, including hospice, Meals on Wheels, and a family counseling center. It also offers space for an HIV / AIDS support group. Having passed an ONA statement, First Congregational is now considering how that decision might be reflected in its bylaws and mission statement, and how to implement its ONA commitment more fully in the life of the church. Pilgrim Congregational UCC Cleveland, Ohio A spirited, urban congregation of about 225 members, Pilgrim Congregational seeks to live out the gospel in creative, contemporary ways. Multicultural and multiethnic, the congregation is committed to a variety of social justice and peace concerns. In order to minister more effectively in the city, the congregation called an associate staff member who reaches out to the surrounding community and helps the congregation respond to needs identified. Members of the church are active in AIDS ministry. Meeting space is provided for the local UCCL/ GC chapter and a social group for gay men. Plymouth Congregational Church Seattle, Washington "Plymouth Church -where faith and action come together!" That's how this downtown church of 1,000 members presents itself to metropolitan Seattle. The church continues a long history of social activism and attracts people interested in local and global mission. In partnership with an AfricanAmerican Baptist congregation, Plymouth will be part of the "Prince of Peace Walk," (a march against violence) scheduled for Advent. It has hosted a delegation from a Nicaraguan church. Plymouth celebrates the diversity of its congregation and explains the meaning of its ONA stance in each Sunday's order of service. Sanctuary UCC Harrisonburg, Virginia Granted full standing as a uce church in April 1993, Sanctuary's founding vision statement included being a "radically inclusive" faith community which would be Open and Affirming. Members seek to "walk in the way ofJesus with all peoples in all walks and ways of life." In October, the church moved from Mt. Crawford to a new downtown site in Harrisonburg, where it hopes to be a significant spiritual and missional presence. In its new building, Sanctuary will offer meeting space to the first gay, lesbian, and bisexual support group in Harrisonburg. Shalom UCC West Lafayette, Indiana Begun in 1987, Shalom has 64 adult members/ friends and 19 children. Extremely mission-oriented, its members have taken as their goal "to give as much to others as to ourselves." Shalom recently held forums to discuss questions and ideas that have arisen since its ONA vote. The church has had a steady stream of visitors since becoming ONA and is delighted to welcome one and all. Urbandale UCC Des Moines, Iowa This active, urbani suburban church of 360 members draws participants from throughout the Des Moines area. Open Hands 30 ..1embers are completing financial plans for a new sanctuary, assisting with food relief, and working in partnership with an inner city congregation (a Reconcil.ng Congregation!). Another partnership is being discussed, perhaps with a church in Indonesia. The Sunday School has its own special project -col.ecting clothes, toys, and books for hospitalized children. Urbandale recently finished five months of intensive study on gay/lesbian issues. Gethsemane Lutheran Church [RECOYHRISTJ Columbia, South Carolina Gethsemane has actively practiced inclusivity throughout its four decades of ministry. Some South Carolina "firsts" for Gethsemane include: African-American members, congregational presidents and synod delegates, internships for women in seminary, and now the Affirmation ofWelcome. Gethsemane's members during Lent last year studied issues surrounding child abuse, abortion, capital punishment, AIDS ministry, and homosexuality. The coming out of a lesbian member, the congregation's love and support for her, and their desire to act on the issues they studied, led the congregation to adopt the RIC Affirmation of Welcome. Fountain of Hope Lutheran Fellowship Kansas City, Missouri Fountain of Hope is a multicultural, inner-city, storefront congregation committed to inclusivity and outreach. Many members have lived on the fringe of society most of their lives, and understand how our church and society can either marginalize and exclude people, or include and welcome them. Frustrated by the church's slow response to including lesbian and gay people, they Fall 1993 felt that making the Affirmation ofWelcome was a way to move ahead. Abiding Peace Lutheran Church Kansas City, Missouri The members of Abiding Peace felt "it was time" to make a statement of support t9 the church for lesbian and gay people. The congregation has had several long-time lesbian members who have served as congregational leaders. The congregation's commitment to be an inclusive, welcoming congregation overcame concerns about the publicity of becoming a Reconciled in Christ congregation. Others Join the Movement We also welcome two new synods to our ever-growing movement. The Synod of the Northeast Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.) New England, New York, New Jersey Comprised of over 1,200 congregations, the Synod of the Northeast has become the first More Light Synod of the Presbyterian Church (U.S .A). At its January 1993 meeting, the Synod (voting 68 to 52) "declares itself to be a 'More Light Synod,' affirming the inclusiveness set forth in The Book of Order, encouraging all persons, regardless of sexual orientation, who seek to know Christ, to participate fully in the life of the church." The Metro Chicago Synod, ELCA Chicago, Illinois The Metro Chicago Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America passed the Affirmation of Welcome in its annual assembly this past summer. Ecumenical Leaders and Open Hands Advisors Meet Representatives of the Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ), Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran), Reconciling (United Methodist), and Supportive (Brethren/Mennonite) Church programs held their fourth annual ecumenical gathering in Chicago in mid-September. The leaders recognized the continued growth of the "welcoming church" movement across the denomination -now encompassing more than 350 congregations. The leaders shared resources and program ideas, participated in a fundraising workshop, and viewed the new Religious Right video, Gay Rights/ Special Rights. '-RCP Collecting Data on Homophobia in UMC The Reconciling Congregation Program office is collecting data and stories of homophobia or inhospitality toward lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons that occurred in the United Methodist Church (UMC) this year. Persons are encouraged to contact the Rep office by phone or letter with reports of recent words or deeds of homophobia or inhospitality at all levels of the UMC, including agencies, annual conferences, congregations, clergy, and laypersons. All reports will be strictly confidential. An initial published review of "Homophobia in the UMC' is planned for early 1994. 31 Open Hands The leaders called on all the churches in our ecumenical network to be in solidarity with each other by celebrating their welcoming ministries in worship onJanuary 23, 1994. Evaluation of the first year of collaboration in publishing Open Hands produced very positive feedback. The editorial adViSory committee for Open Hands met the following weekend. Again, evaluation of the new ecumenical venture was overwhelmingly positive. Future themes recommended at this meeting include: Outreach and Evangelism; Gifts of the Spirit; Campus Ministries; Denominations: Help or Hindrance in the Movement; Diversity;and Celebrating Relationships. LC/North America Hires Program Executive In September, Robert W Gibeling,jr., from Atlanta, Georgia, became the first Program Executive of Lutherans Concerned/North America (LC/NA) at a gala installation service in Fort Worth, Texas. "It is clear to me that the issue of affection orientation will be in the forefro nt of social concerns faCing North America for the remainder of the decade. In this crucial time, LC/NA can be a tremendously powerful influence for positive change," Gibeling told the Board of Directors. "I consider it an honor to help make this happen." The role of Program Executive is to work with the Board of Directors to develop programs and strategies which will further the mission and ministry of LC/NA "We wanted to leave the maintenance and nuts and bolts operation with the board," said LC/NA Co-Chair Lynn Mickelson, "so that the Program Executive can focus on strengthening and expanding the work of the organization. Bob is uniquely qualified for this role." "Bob views the Reconciled in Christ (RIC) program as one of the most important ministries sponsored by Lutherans Concerned," observes RIC Coordinator Brian Knittel. Gibeling says "Because it's a grassroots, local-based program, [RIC] will have a tremendous Religious Right Video and Leader's Guide Available from Rep The RCP office has a copy of the new Religious Right video Gay Rights/Special Rights which it will loan out to churches. Also available is a leader's guide prepared by the RCP office. For information on how to borrow the video and secure a copy of the guide, call 312/736-5526 or 312/736impact on the church. At some point in the future, as the number of congregations reaches a critical mass, it will ensure that there is positive change in the church." More Light Tenth Annual Conference The 1994 annual conference of the More Light Churches network (Presbyterian) will be held in the Minneapolis/ St. Paul area in May 1994. The theme is "Turning Dialogue into Ministry." A unique, inspirational play, "Coming Out/Coming Home," will be performed by members of Spirit of the Lakes UCC. Speakers will include the former General Assembly moderator,john Fife and preaching professor, Christine Smith. For information and registration, call Lindsay Biddle, 612/724-5429 or Dick Lundy, 612/470-0093. Funding Withheld from Presbyterian Synod In late spring, St. Andrew's Presbyterian Church in Newport Beach, California, decided to withhold funding of the Synod of Southern California and Hawaii until the Synod ceased to fund Lazarus, a gay/lesbian outreach program. One of the largest and wealthiest congregations in the Presbyterian church (U.S .A.), St. Andrew's put $300,000, which was intended for Synod missions, into escrow. For several years the Synod has provided a small amount of financial support for the Lazarus Project, a ministry of reconciliation with lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons housed at West Hollywood Presbyterian (a More Light Church). The Lazarus Project labeled the action "extortionist" and reminded churches that other missions could suffer the same consequences if St. Andrew's demand was met. Synod commissioners condemned St. Andrew's action and declared its support for the Lazarus Project. St. Andrew's subsequently diverted the escrowed funds to non-Synod programs. The Synod has been badly financially damaged by these actions and may be unable to fund any of its social justice and outreach ministries. 5475 (fax). 32 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 9 No 2 - Responding to the Right: Strategies for Change https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/7cd4a1172479b06b0c9c3a20f4af636d.pdf 6ae3390059d9dd8d01ec57c7c952f59b Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 9 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1993 Publication Date The date the issue was published Summer Text Any textual data included in the document Open Hands is a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbian, bisexual, and gay persons. Each issue focuses on a specific area of concern within the church. Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. (United Methodist) in . conjunction with More Light Churches Network (Presbyterian), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ), and Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran) Programs. Each of these programs is a national network of local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbian and gay persons and their families into their community of faith. These four programs -along with Open and Affirming (Disciples of Christ), Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist), Supportive Congregations (Brethren/ Mennonite), and Welcoming and Affirming (American Baptist) programs -offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. Open Hands is published quarterly. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S .). Single copies and back issues are $5. Quantities of 10 or more, $3 each. Subscriptions, letters to the editor, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Phone: 312/736-5526 Fax: 312/ 736-5475 Member, The Associated Church Press © 1993 Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark ISSN 0888-8833 @Printed 011 recycled paper. Resources Jor Ministries Affirming the Diversity oj Human Sexuality APPROACHING SCRIPTURE What Does Scripture Say? How Shall We Listen? The Bible and Homosexuality ................................................................... 4 Victor Paul Furnish Biblical Echoes of My Loving: Interpreting the Scripture from a Gay Perspective .................................... 7 John Linscheid Dead or Alive: Approaches to Teaching the Bible ............................................................. 9 Dorothy Jean Furnish In Word and Deed: Jesus' Approach to Scripture in Matthew ............................................................................... 12 Nancy Carter VOICES OF YOUTH A Personal Perspective ............................................................................. 15 Alison Graham SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT Lamentations 18: Not the One You Know ............................................... 16 Covenant Group 18/Donna Kay Campbell STUDYING SCRIPTURE Hospitable Interpretations of Sodom ...................................................... 18 Lindsay Louise Biddle Sodom's Sin: Conformity ............................................................... 20 Peg Beissert God's Peculiar Righteousness: Unconditional Grace .............................. 21 Dick Poole The Great Commandments According to Mark ...................................... _ Arnold Isidore Thomas RESOURCES ..................................................................................................... 2LETTERS TO THE EDITOR .............................................................................. 28 MOVEMENT NEWS ......................................................................................... 29 Open Hands 2 Biblical Interpretation: BeyondJudgment to Love No issue is more fraught with tensions and disagreements in our churches today than that of interpreting biblical passages related to homosexual behavior. However, the real question before us is not what the Bible says about homosexuality, but what role and authority the Bible has for our lives. Will it serve as a book of rules and punishment meted out in judgment, or as a written witness of a magnificent story of God's love? To help us continue in this dialogue, we include four general articles on how to approach the Bible, as well as three exegetical articles fOfyour personal or congregational Bible study. The writers tell a consistent story of the Good News in the Bible: God is gracious! God is loving! God is accepting! All are welcome at the table of God . Ultimately we must decide: How will we and our churches respond to God's Good News? In judgment or in love? -Mary Jo Osterman, Editor Next Issue: Counteracting the Religious Right 'bJPG,OMINGt THEME ISSUES v~..;, ~% ~ 'I'l.ooking for W:J;it~rsand Worship I tems $kfOr g,'ur Winter 1994 Issue on W()rshipResources for our Ministries i" if Send worship buUetins; photos of creative communion or worship tables, banner photQs or ideas.i1Sendprayers, poems, calls to worship, corpqrate confessit>ns, litanies, benedictions, music youhave fOll~d especially\,helBfuI, etc. Briefs ermon illustratio1)s!stories are OW:tbuti1no sermons3please. 9 (Articles nee"Cted Q,P: worship issues tn a justice-oriented community; in€lusiv¢ liturgy in welcoming congreg£;ltions; preaching about i!:b.eterosexism; appiojaches to dlildren's sermons on heterosexism. DEAULJNE .~XTENDEDTO NOVEMBER 1, 1993 Editor Open Hands 3801 N. Keeler Chicago, IL 60641 Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. 380l N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 312/ 736-5526 &.T&T&T~ Ann B. Day -.'Y&'Y&'Y" OPEN Open and Affirming Program --a--IfRI·ru P.O. Box 403 &.T'i~ Holden, MA 01520 IIII.'YA'Y'" 508/856-9316 Brian Knittel o Reconciled in Christ Program 2800 Buena Vista Way Berkeley, CA 94708 5lO/841-6990 T Lindsay Louise Biddle More Light Churches Network 3538 22nd Avenue, S. Minneapolis, MN 55407 612/ 724-5429 Publisher Mark Bowman Open Hands Editor Mary Jo Osterman Layout I Graphics I Typesetting In Print -Jan Graves Editorial Advisory Committee Reva Anderson, Toledo, OH Peg Beissert, Rolling Hills Est., CA Ann Marie Coleman, Chicago, IL Ann B. Day, Holden, MA Dan Hooper, Los Angeles, CA Derrick Kikuchi, Daly City, CA Samuel E. Loliger, Buffalo, NY Dick Poole, Oak Forest, IL Caroline Presnell, Evanston, IL Emilie Pulver, Chicago, IL Bradley Rymph, Washington, DC Paul Santillan, Chicago, IL Summer 1993 3 What es Sc ·pture Say? How Sha We Listen? The Bible and Homosexuality by Victor Paul Furnish 1. What does the Bible say about homosexuality? Strictly speaking, nothing. It was only toward the end of the nineteenth century that medical and psychological investigators began to advance theories about the origins and formation of sexual identity Until then no distinction between "heterosexual" and "homosexual" orientations was possible. Although even today we understand very little about how sexual identity develops, at least we know that the process is highly complex and involves many different factors . Neither the biblical writers nor the ancient world in general had any notion of this. Therefore, no ancient language, including Hebrew and Greek, had any specific words for "sexuality," "heterosexuality," or "homosexuality" Of course, same-sex practices were known in virtually all ancient cultures. On occasion they come into view in the biblical writings; but not often, and never as a topic for sustained discussion. 2. If homosexuality as such is not a biblical topic, what's the point of the story about Sodom? The topic in Genesis 19:1-25 is not even "sex," let alone same-sex practices or "homosexuality" in general. What is condemned here (and also in a version told about Gibeah, Judg. 19) is the violation of the right of strangers to be accorded hospitality In certain later Jewish writings Sodom did come to symbolize same-sex acts, which accounts for the coining of the words "sodomy" and "sodomites" and their continuing use today But these terms are not employed within the Bible itself, where Sodom is primarily a symbol for evil in general and for the certainty of divine retribution for any who persist in it. For instance, what Ezekiel condemns primarily is Sodom's "pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease," and its neglect of "the poor and needy" (16:49-50, NRSV). 3. Aren't there also specific biblical laws that prohibit same-sex intercourse? Only in Leviticus, where it is said that a male shall not "lie the lyings of a woman" with another male, because it is an "abomination" (18:22). In Leviticus 20: 13 the death penalty is specified for both participants. This law stands within the socalled Holiness Code (Lev. 17-26), which is a collection of materials of widely varying date. The Code provides reg lations for worship, specifies what things are ritually clean and unclean, and includes a few moral laws, like the well-known commandment to love the neighbor as oneself (Lev. 19: 18). The statute about male same-sex intercourse is not one Of the moral laws in the Code, but is concerned with ritual -a distinct from moral or spiritual -purity According to th ancient Hebrew conception, something is "pure" (or "clean") as long as it remains an unblemished specimen of its kind, but it becomes "polluted" (or "unclean") when its physical integrity is in some way compromised, e.g. by "mixing" with things (or people) of another category This is why the laws of Leviticus prohibit sowing two different kinds of seed in one field, wearing two different kinds of fiber, cross-breeding different species of animals, and dressing like persons of the opposite sex. Open Hands 4 ~ This kind of objective purity is also the concern in Leviticus 18:22 and 20: 13; here intercourse between males is viewed as a mixing of roles. The male who takes the passive role, presumed to be properly the female's , becomes impure. This was thought to pervert the whole relationship, and thus to render the other male unclean, too. The circumstances of the act, e.g. whether someone has been victimized, would make no difference. Whatever the circumstances, the relationship itself would be impure and the participants equally defiled. In the New Testament this distinction between the ritually "clean" and "unclean" is specifically rejected, both in sayings attributed to Jesus (Mk. 7:17-23) and by Paul (Rom. 14:14, 20). It is therefore not surprising that the Levitical prohibition of same-sex intercourse is not invoked by any New Testament writer. 4. Does the New Testament oppose same-sex practices for more distinctively Christian reasons? No. The most extensive reference comes in Romans 1:2627, which is still just one sentence in Greek (my translation): For this reason God gave them up to degrading passions, for just as their women exchanged natural intercourse for unnatural so also the men, abandoning natural intercourse with women, were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in their own persons the penalty reqUired by their error. Although this remark is specifically about Gentile society, in the context Paul is insisting that the whole of humankind stands in need of the grace of God, "because all have sinned and fall short of God's glory" (3:23). His comment about same-sex acts echoes what Hellenistic-Jewish writers commonly said about Gentiles, while the description of these as "unnatural" derives from Stoic thought. Moral essayists contemporary with Paul described same-sex intercourse as "unnatural" for two reasons. First, because they presumed that it was an equally attractive option for everyone, they feared that it could lead to the ultimate extinction of the human race. Second, they regarded any same-sex act as a violation of what they supposed to be the "natural" superiority of males over females. In the case of two males, both would be demeaned by the passivity of either; in the case of two females, both would be gUilty of usurping the role supposed to be reserved for the male . Paul shares the view, widespread in his day, that every same-sex act is self-indulgently lustful and therefore degrading to both parties. Therefore, where he lists the kinds of people who will not inherit God's kingdom (1 Cor. 6:9), he includes a term that most likely refers to adolescent call-boys (NRSV: "male prostitutes"), and a second one that refers to "males who go to bed with males" (NRSV: "sodomites"). The latter is also listed by one later writer (1 Tim. 1: 10). These two lists are the only places other than Romans where anything about same-sex practices surfaces in the New Testament. Summer 1993 ?• 1?9 • • - 5. Aren't there any teachings of Jesus on this subject? None that have been handed down. A saying about "eunuchs" in Matthew 19:11-12 is sometimes cited as a general affirmation of those who have been sexually marginalized. But the point there is much more specific: remaining unmarried is appropriate only for those [males] to whom celibacy is "given" (v. 11) for the purpose of serving God's kingdom more fully (v. 12). And the recent suggestion that Mark 9:42 is a denunciation of pederasty (an adult male's purchase of sexual favors from an adolescent boy) is largely conjectural. This silence of the Jesus traditions is important evidence that the first century church was not preoccupied with the matter of same-sex relationships. However, it would be wrong to interpret Jesus' silence as evidence either of his or of the church's indifference to such practices. On this point, as on many others, we do not know what Jesus taught, and it is likely that Paul's views on the topic were representative of the church overall. 6. It is sometimes quipped that "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve." Doesn't the creation story show that only heterosexuality conforms to God's will? There are actually two creation accounts, one beginning in Genesis 1: 1 and another in Genesis 2:4. The former affirms that God created both "male and female" (1:27-28), and the latter includes the observation that "a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh" (2:24, NRSV). Both accounts are concerned mainly to describe how things have come to be as they are, not to prescribe how people ought to act. Moreover, they deal with what is typical of humanity overall, and show no interest in explaining or commenting on conceivable exceptions. Thus Genesis 1:27-28 explains the differentiation of humanity into two sexes as due to God's concern for procreation ("Be fruitful and multiply," v. 28), and Genesis 2:24 explains (hetero-) sexual desire as due 5 ----------------------------------~-----. ------ to God's concern that human beings enjoy companionship. In Genesis 1 it is simply presupposed that sexual intercourse is for the sole purpose of producing children, and in Genesis 2 it is simply presupposed that everyone experiences desire for physical union with someone of the opposite sex. Possible exceptional cases, like singleness, childlessness, or "natural" sexual attraction to a person of one's own sex, lie quite beyond the conceptual horizons of these accounts. 7. Does the Bible provide any positive role models for consensual, loving, and committed homosexual unions? It is sometimes suggested -but rarely by biblical scholars -thatjonathan and David had a homosexual relationship. The same has been said, less often, about Ruth and Naomiand, occasionally, aboutjesus and a "beloved disciple" who is mentioned in the Gospel of John. There is no evidence to support any of these claims, however. The fact remains that every biblical reference or allusion to same-sex practice is in some way negative. 8. How about the aposde Paul? Bishop John Shelby Spong has suggested that he was gay. First, Bishop Spong himself admits that he is just speculating about this.3 But in addition, there have been advances in Pauline studies which render his interpretations of many key passages (e.g. Rom. 7:14-25 and 1 Cor. 7:1) quite impossible. When all is said and done, we know nothing about Paul's sexual orientation. 9. Since the biblical references and allusions to same-sex acts are always in some way negative, doesn't this put the Bible firmly on record as being anti-gay? It would be an anachronism to call the Bible "anti-gay," just as it would be anachronistic to describe it as "anti-environmental" simply because the biblical writers viewed the natural world as something to be tamed and controlled, not protected. We violate the integrity of the Bible's own witness whenever we attempt to extract responses to issues with which the ancient world was not faced. Indeed, what most distinguishes Scripture are not its specific teachings and moral rules. These are all conditioned by the cultural particularities of the ancient world and the special circumstances within and for which they were formulated. In this respect, we must take account of what I call the Law of Diminishing Relevancy: To the extent that something is specifically appropriate in one particular situation, it is less specifically appropriate in any and every other particular situation. 10. If the specific teachings and moral rules of the Bible do not distinguish its witness, then what does? Primarily, its understanding of God -that the whole of creation, nothing and no one excepted, has been graced and claimed by God's unconditional love. The Bible functions as Scripture within the church by shaping and nurturing this understanding of whose and who we are: women and men who live out of God's grace, and who are thereby called to faithful, grace-filled lives. n. Ho can this biblical understanding of God and humankind inform the church's discussions and decisions ~ homosexuality today? Scripture helps provide the context within which Christian moral options are to be examined, and bears witness to the norm by which these options are to be assessed. The norm is God's faithfulness and grace as disclosed in Christ; the context is the faith and life of the believing community itself, including its experience and traditions. Thus, whether the topic is homosexuality or some other, Christians are called to consider what decisions and actions are most faithful to the gift and claim of God's love. In short, "the Bible says" very little about same-sex practices, and what it presupposes about them can no longer be presupposed. For knowledge about homosexuality itself, we must depend both on the findings of modern research and on the life-experiences of homosexual persons. Apart from such knowledge, nothing the church teaches or does with reference to homosexuality will be credible or relevant. But in addition to what is credible and relevant, the church must ask what is Christian. For this it turns above all to the scriptural witness about the gift and claim of God's love. 12. How can people be helped to understand that the passages usually cited in discussions of homosexuality are neither credible nor relevant in our day? Even those who are unwilling to proof text on other topics -for example, divorce and remarriage -may resort to prooftexting when it comes to homosexuality, usually as a way of supporting opinions they already hold. This can be pointed out to them (speaking the truth in love!), and they can also be made aware of the diverse cultural, literary, and theological cQntexts of the passages in question. But in addition, and more baSically, they can be encouraged to listen .for the word that is most central to Scripture and most definitive for the faith and witness of the church -which is the word that in Christ we are both graced and claimed by God's love. Finally, however, this scriptural witness is most fittingly and believably communicated in the actual lives of God's faithful people. We may be confident that, as the church experiences the grace of God working in and through the lives of homosexual persons who are brothers and sisters in Christ, it will be better able to listen for and to live by the word that Scripture really speaks.'Y lSee Randy Shilts, Conduct Unbecoming: Gays and Lesbians in the U. S. Military (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1993) 539,540. 21n a letter to the author, da ted 3/15/92. 3Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism. A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning of Scripture (San Francisco: HarperSanFrancisco, 1991) esp. 108-20. Victor Paul Furnish is University Distinguished ProJessor oJNew Testament in Southern Methodist University's Perkins School oj Theology, Dallas, Texas. Open Hands 6 ' t "o~/~J~n!'Y'vg,a,·'~,,/~7 '>" /l)'v.·~1il ;;' ~ • ,: ~, ' ',. .:': .i ,t../ • Interpreting Scripture from a Gay Perspective byJohn linscheid I have an ongoing love affair with the Bible. The Bible moves me and shapes me. In its restful bosom, its disturbing questions, and its challenging climaxes, I meet God . Its stories whisper to me of my own life as a gay man: mysteries of identity, dynamics of 'er, hiddenness, visibility. The Bible -esses authority for me because it I:le life. sed to disturb me when advoes of compulsory heterosexuality used me of not believing the Bible. en I discovered -as had racial and anomie minorities and feminists before me -that those with power always / to enforce their interpretation on ose \\!ithout. And they seldom listen o alternate suggestions. So I minimize skirmishes over proof texts. Instead, I direct my energy toward finding life in he sacred words. For me, life-sustaining Bible reading "nvoh-es several considerations in addi.on to studying historical and literary aspects of the texts. Among these are: 1) drawing upon personal experience, 2) reading in light of my social context, (3) responding to an interpretative community, and (4) opening to the Holy Spirit. Drawing on Personal Experience eminist scholars, such as Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, taught me to pay attention to my own experience. My unique way of living attunes me to dynamics overlooked by the predominant culture. As I read the Bible, I respect the reactions of my body, mind, and spirit. (Do I become happy, tense, sad, or calm as I read?) I note similarities and differences with my social and sexual situation, paraphrasing texts from a gay perspective. Predominant culture imposes its norms on the Bible. One group which Summer 1993 works to "change" homosexuals into heterosexuals encourages people with unquenched same-sex attractions to claim the heterosexuality of Jesus to cover their own "broken" sexuality. Nowhere does the Bible say that Jesus was heterosexual. This group simply asserts it. Because I know the fulfillmentrather than the social guilt -of loving another man, I am willing to consider what such an organization won't. Scripture doesn't tell me whether Jesus was gay or not. But, as expelled gay Jesuit John McNeill points out, Jesus hung out with a lot of unmarried folks, such as Mary and Martha and Lazarus. And their culture valued marriage and procreation even more highly than ours does. In many non-Western cultures, men readily express affection to one another physically. That scandalizes the homophobic West. (The New Revised Standard Version couldn't handle a disciple reclining "in Jesus' bosom" and translated John 13:23 "reclining next to him.") So gay men, out of our experience, now lead the Western church in acknowledging physical affection between Jesus and the disciple whom he loved . Reading in Light of Sodal Context Gospel dynamics also reveal themselves in my social situation, For example, like Satan tempting Jesus, the predominant church challenges me to prove that I am a child of God. "If you are a child of God," I amtold, "change your gay nature" (like a stone into bread). "Call upon God for power to sustain purposeless celibacy" (like jumping off the temple for no good reason). Finally, "We'll give you riches, power -even ordination -if you fall down and worship our heterosexuality as the ultimate truth for humankind" (compare Mt. 4:1-10). LikeJesus, I must claim my experience of God's love in the face of demonic counter propositions. Responding Within an Interpretive Community But what of limits to personal experience? My interpretations must be tested in a faith community. The institutional church traditionally claimed this authority. Today, sexualminority Christians -and other people on the margins -constitute the community I am interpretatively accountable to. Gustavo Gutierrez wrote that "to know God is to do justice." My primary accountability must be to those for whom my interpretation may enhance life or cause oppression. Early in the sexual-minority struggle within the churches, we looked critically at traditional "clobber" texts. For example, we noted the focus in the Sodom and Gomorrah story on inhospitality rather than on homosexuality. I used the example of Lot offering his daughters to the rapists as evidence of the Sodomites' heterosexuality and of the radical demands of hospitality in Lot's culture (Gen. 19:8). My community held me accountable to women and to the way my interpretation normalized abuse. As a result, I pressed beyond surface arguments about the nature of the Sodomites' sin. Now this story warns me how social structures enforce insidious hierarchies through which minorities may sacrifice each other while resisting the dominant assault. Opening to the Holy Spirit Meditation and prayer initially broke the oppressive power of social structures and opened me to the love of God. Openness to the Holy Spirit still undergirds my Bible study. 7 The most astute applications of scripture to my life and social or political situation come, ironically, when I still the noise of living and culture. In a quiet place, I relax and meditate, reading and re-reading the text, praying the Holy Spirit will move my spirit. Reading the Bible from a gay perspective, I repeatedly find my story in its pages. For example, as a gay white man, I face an invisibility dilemma. While society may oppress me with "straight" assumptions or based on suspected "homo" behavior, I alone can confirm my label. Such a confirmation poses its own risks. Coming out is a spiritual journey much like that ofJesus. I travel on the boundary between clear identities -"in but not of the world." Jesus likewise traversed the boundary. Through much of his life, his identity did not fall clearly into one category. People continually asked who he was and the source of his authority. At times he forbade those who recognized his true identity to reveal it (Mt. 8:4; 9:30). Other times he was less reticent (Mk. 5: 19). Usually; he responded enigmatically to inquiries (Mt. 11:2-4; Mk. 11:28-29;Jn. 6:42-48). I understand the quandary. Labels limit identity. Am I single? Coupled? Homosexual? Gay ? Queer? Words focus society'S interaction \\ith me. Our high school's vocational agriculture teacher once provided a spontaneous sex education lecture to the effect that individuals are "men men, women women, women men, or men women (l think I fall in the third category.) For me, gender definitions are ambiguous. Heterosexist culture says I am not a "real man." Gay men bear, in the popular mind, a largely feminine identity ("sissy;" "fairie," "queen"). In gay circles, masculine and feminine occupy a broader, sometimes fuzzier, spectrum. (A bearded body builder wearing a dress fits nowhere easily in a dualistic paradigm.) Juggling language is crucial to gay identity just as it is for Jesus. Jesus skillfully manipulates efforts to label him. He asks Peter, "Who do you say that I am?" (Mk. 8:29). When Pilate asks whether he is a king, Jesus responds, "You have said so" (Mk. 15:2). Like a sexual minority person negotiating probing questions,Jesus keeps definitions and categories fluid. Through "evasions," he reveals more truly who he is than he would with "acceptable" answers. Most importantly, Jesus claims authority to redefine the terms and control his own destiny. When Peter confesses Jesus as Messiah, Jesus redefines the role as taking up the cross (Mk. 8:29-31). Yet Jesus approaches even death as an act of power. "No one takes [my life] from me," he says, "but I lay it down of my own accord ... and I have power to take it up again" On. 10: 18). Refusing to submit to victimization by political and religious powers, he seizes his own death and makes it life-giVing for those who follow after. Coming out of the closet represented just such an act of power for me. I negotiated the process carefully to maximize my own initiative and frustrate the dominant society's attempts to victimize me. As I "laid down" my straight identity and died to the world, I "took up" a new life possessing empowering integrity. Many friends who have AIDS or are HIV-positive similarly seize life despite society's conviction that only death lurks within them. They repudiate victimization. Like Christ traveling to Jerusalem, they transfigure their journeys to foster life in themselves and in us who live in their company. I take courage in the scripture's reflections of my own life and of the lives of sexual minority people around me. Having been bruised by those who wield the Bible, I am sometimes tempted to leave it behind. But then I read its verses out of my gay context, and I respond to the temptation as Peter did: ''To whom can we go? You have the words of eternallife" On. 6:68).'" John Linscheid, a member of the oldest Mennonite congregation in North Amelica, reads the Bible on the buses and subways of Philadelphia. This summer, he and his lover, Ken White, observed their tenth year of spiritual f1iendship. Announcing a NEW, Revised and Greatly Expanded Edition of The Other Side's Much·Requested Booklet Christians and Homosexuality { In the last live yearn, we"e so~ thousands upon I thousands of these booklets, featuring some of the best articles av~ilable anywhere on Scripture and £ homosexuality, with a helpful guide to organizations ::~ ministering in a Christian way in the gay and lesbian community. Now we've revised, updated, and greatly .. expanded it, adding a host of new articles and features, including "A Crisis of Pronouns,· "Gay Godfathers,' "Reading the Bible Through Gay Eyes,· a debate on gay-lesbian ordination. Plus all the ::: original features. Great for sharing, reading, :~ discussing. Big savings on bulk ordersl Single copy, $5.00. 10-99 copies, $3.50 each. 100 or more, $2.50 .:; each. Free shipping. The Other Side, 300 W. Apsley, ~:' Philadelphia, PA 19144. A wonderful resource! 1 ···t?~>~&i1%vlti'l"Wgm£!.;a.;:_·t:~ Open Hands 8 ou make the Bible come alive!" lthough meant as a compliment, I cringe when I hear that statement ana sometimes reply, "But the Bible isn't ead~" If the atmosphere seems just right ay add, "It is our teaching of the e :that is dead!" Here is a prescription for deadly Bible teaching. Begin by visualizing the learner indo The age of the learner doesn't at this point. The Mind is waitfilled. Next, visualize the Mind p with Right Knowledge, be. he teacher has chosen the con. "-ely and has taught it well, with esired outcomes in mind . Finally, e in the certainty that Right Knowl=:e \.llilllead to Right Belief. And right lief 15 the goal of our teaching. To do deadly Bible teaching one must '~e the proper methodology. While -.. -dents listen, explain the historical d cultural background for the Right Bible Knowledge. Demonstrate how to nd Bible passages which contain the ht Knowledge, how to use the conordance, and how to consult the Bible .las Then plan Bible "drills" so that e!1ts can practice these skills. As-passages to memorize and reward who do it well. Finally, tell the ents what the selection means, and sume their acceptance of this meanng. What's Wrong With Deadly Teaching? W hat is wrong with this picture? In the first place, learners are much more than Minds. They are a delightful mixture of feelings, opinions, experiences, self-identity and stubbornness -as well as Mind! And whatever Right Knowledge is presented to Mind, Summer 1993 it is always processed within the context of this whole person, whether or not such process is encouraged. In the second place, the uniqueness and complexity of each learner complicates the choice of Right Knowledge. What might be right for some persons at a given time might be inappropriate for others. And finally, questions about Right Belief must be raised. If Right Belief is the desired outcome of our teaching, who determines this Right Belief? Is it the teacher? The denomination? The pastor? The curriculum writers? And what about the one being taught? Surely the student's Mind and feelings and experiences must be a major part of the equation. Ultimately, if the truth be known, it is always the student who processes the Right Knowledge in the light of lived experience, and it must be the student who comes to her/his own Right Belief. Otherwise, teaching is little more than indoctrination. Deadly teaching is a trap which has caught many of us. We have been carefully taught a variety of theological doctrines with their accompanying implied and sometimes required behavioral "do's and don'ts", and we have been taught them within a church environment which said 'The Bible is God's Word; this is what the Bible says; the Bible contains Right Beliefs; to question God-given Right Beliefs is a sin against God." Some never question the doctrines or their underlying assumptions and are like the seminary student on his graduation day who was overheard saying with pride , "I came to seminary knowing what I believed and I leave believing exactly the same thing." Others find the struggle for integrity fu tile and leave the institutional church. Still others (this writer included) insist upon asking the questions. We hang in with the church even when there is little support for inquisitive minds and spend a lifetime searching for a place that will affirm both the questions and the questioner. Two Approaches: Two Dangers There must be another way! There must be an approach to teaching the Bible that does not render the Bible obsolete as life changes occur and as new insights about self, others, and world are discovered. In the old way the teacher might stop frequently, sometimes after every verse, and ask: "What does this mean in our everyday life?" Students would struggle to move from the Red Sea or Daniel in the lion's den to the Senior Prom, a job just lost, or a broken romance. The instinct was sound -the Bible and life cannot be separated. But the process was generally unproductive. The Bible and life cannot be separated. What are separated by light years, however, are the cultural settings of the Bible and our life in this last decade of the twentieth century. Much of the daily life of those whose witness is recorded in the Bible has little resemblance to our own. Struggling to find meaning in every verse or paragraph of the Bible lesson often resulted in superficial life applications. On the other hand, everything in our contemporary life is relevant in one way or another; relevant to us personally, to the church in which we work and the community in which we live, or to the larger world arena. One way to begin to overcome this separation of cultures is to start our Bible study with our own personal and cultural life struggles and work our way back to the life issues recorded in the Bible. But 9 there is a real danger inherent in this process, also. While beginning with the biblical text may lead to superficial life application, beginning with modern life situations can tempt one to proof text or read into biblical accounts something that is not there. What is needed is a teaching approach that holds the possibility of eliminating both dangers. This we can know with certainty: Deadly teaching is neither biblical nor necessary; lively teaching is both biblical and possible! And all ages -kindergarten through adult have a right to lively teaching, whatever the content, but especially when the content is the Bible. Congregation As Context Lively teaching begms '\ith the context within which the teaching takes place. Teaching and learning do not occur in a vacuum. \\'here something is learned becomes a part of the learning as well as what is learned. Sex education which occurs on the street may contain the same facts as sex education taught by church or parents, but the perceptions and values learned may be, and usually are, quite different. The Bible we read today was not delivered by God in one grand moment of revelation, but grew out of the experience of God's people over hundreds of years. It was not crafted by a literary religious genius in a lonely retreat, but was hammered out by the Judeo-Christian community as community. And it grew directly out of the experiences of that community as it faced the life and death issues ofexistence. Deadly teaching denies the reality of the living context within which the Bible was written. Lively teaching is best done within a community of faith that is committed to addressing the contemporary life situations of its members. The actual teaching of the Bible may take place in age-specific groups or in an intergenerational setting. In either case the process should be understood and owned by the church as community, for it is the church as community that must be there to support its members as they struggle with the issues of faith and justice. "Lone Ranger" Bible study is not biblical! Preparing to Teach Students, of whatever age, are not empty vessels. They come to the teaching situation with many ideas and attitudes already in the process of being formed. Lively teaching allows questions and accepts the uncertainties of growing persons. It acknowledges that the teacher is a "Christian-in-process ' also! Teachers who hope to help the Bible "come alive" (there's that phrase again!) will consciously hold these assumptions: I know what this Bible passage means to me. I have an idea about what the writers intended it to mean to their audience. I don't know what it will mean to my students. I will share my meanings but I will not impose them on others. The Teaching Plan1 Lively teaching has three steps. First, lively teaching begins with an activity that will help students feel some of the emotions which may have been felt by persons in the biblical narrative. For example, before telling the story of Jesus' baptism, students might be asked to paint a picture of how it felt when they were baptized, or when they wit- Open Hands 10 " feeling w • ..,,% •,.....".. .,......... '" .........a ..a .. =#~ ~g , ~ S <iJl nessed the baptism of others. Or the class might be divided into groups of two or three and asked to share their feelings when they had an important life decision to make. (Whether they share the subject of the decision or the decision finally made is immaterial.) This process is important because it provides a real life connection between the experiences of the student and people who lived generations ago. This J(irst step may be called 'feeling into the Bible. " Second, lively Bible teaching does . begin with a "thus saith the lord" duction of Right Knowledge about assage. An alternative would be an ach and attitude that said: "Hear our foreparents in the faith experiGod's presence and understood 'ord." Because of the thity they may hear it with emotions as well as their One hopes so! In any he)' will have been given --~on and opportunity to e Bible text to their own feelim!s and life experiences. ers are not limited in this -Imply reading the Bible to but may present the bibntent through a whole range . -ities, including drama, choeadmg, songs, art, and espe- Iv through story telling. This seclep may be called "meeting with Bible experientially." ThIrd, lively teaching provides time to respond to the exlence of the Bible passage. IS IS an absolutely necessary of the teaching plan. We are Just called to know the Bible, but to 'n it some meaning for our lives. e each individual will find unique nings, it is within the context of the Uh community that those meanings n be tested and refined. Therefore, roviding an opportunity for persons o respond within the community context to their personally discovered meanmgs is crucial. Children (and youth and adults who are willing to risk!) might respond through art and dance and creative writing as well as in discussion -through Heart as well as Mind. At first, nonriskers will be more comfortable with Summer 1993 discussion. The teacher's role in this step is twofold: (l) accepting the feelings and meanings evoked in the students by the Bible passage, and 2) witnessing to one's own meanings and understandings of the passage. The further growth of students is best served, however, when teachers are careful to avoid making judgmental statements about the nature or quality of class members responses. This third step may be called "responding out of the experience of the Bible." Teachingfor Openness and Inevitable Change Remember -the pOint of this approach is to teach in such a way that students arefree to think their own thoughts, do their own interpretation, and keep open to the possibilities of new meanings in the future. The realization of God's vision of justice for all is possible only when God's people are open to the possibility of new meanings. The Bible is not an answer book. It is a written witness of real people to their experiences of God in the past, and is one channel -but not the only channel -through which God may be experienced in the present. We do both the Bible and ourselves a disservice when we assign to its culture-laden text specific meanings for all time. "New occasions teach new duties, Time makes ancient good uncouth . .." lively teaching of the Bible provides us all with an approach which will keep all our hearts and minds open to God's new revelations. T 1Adapted Jar adults Jrom my original model in Experiencing the Bible with Children. (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1990) esp. chs . 7-11 . DorothyJean Furnish is Professor Emerita of Christian Education, Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary and the author of several books on teaching the Bible to children. She is a member of Wheadon United Methodist Church, Evanston, Ill inois and af filiate member of Community United Church of Christ in Boulder, Colorado. 11 M atthew has been called the Gospel of Justice. In Matthew, Jesus uses a method of interpreting Jewish scriptures based on the values of love, justice, hospitality, and doing good. Understanding and using Jesus' method of interpretation of scripture can aid Christians working to establish justice for all. Jesus as the Fulfillment of the Law and the Prophets 1 esus emphasizes the importance of not only speaking good words but doing good deeds. The structure of the gospel of Matthew reflects this concept. Matthew has five major discourses followed by narratives aboutjesus' and the disciples' actions. The best-known of the discourses is the Sermon on the Mount, in which Jesus says: Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have come not to abolish but to fulfill. For truly I tell you, until heaven and earth pass away, not one letter, not one stroke of a letter, will pass from the law until all is accomplished. (5:17-18, NRSV) But what does Jesus mean? Some claim that these statements mean that Christians should adhere to every part of the Bible. Others claim that Jesus meant "law and prophets" in a very particular sense. In two places in Matthew, Jesus defines "the law and the prophets." Significantly, his first definition is in the Sermon on the Mount: "'In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets'" (7:12, emphaSiS mine) 1 Even more telling, when a Pharisee asks Jesus about which commandment in the law is the greatest (22:36): 12 In Jes byNoneyA. He said to him, "'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.' This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: 'You shall love your neighbor as yourself.' On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets" (22:3740, emphasiS mine). As Matthean scholar Eduard Schweizer has noted, "Matthew in fact reduces all the commandments to one."2 Most of Jesus' statements in Matthew 5:21-7:12 are examples of "doing good unto others." Though the specifics ofjesus' examples may not be applicable to today's living, the basic value on which they are founded, the Golden Rule, is applicable. In Matthew, a tension is present between the meaning of Jesus as fulfillment of the scriptures and Jesus as a new Torah. Jesus is like the faithful scribe who "brings out of his treasure what is new and what is old" (13:51). In the end, most of Matthew's story involves Jesus modifying and even rejecting parts of the law. Jesus Modifies or Rejects Parts of the Law Matthew vividly illustrates Jesus' approach in a section of the Sermon on the Mount called "the six antitheses" (5:21-48). The antitheses are words of Jesus that state, "you have heard it said . . . but I say unto you .. ." Biblical scholar John P. Meier has observed: In six instances of important socio-religious institutions permitted or commanded by the written Mosaic Law, Jesus dares to contrast his word with God's word. Even more startling, in three cases (antitheses three, four, and five, on divorce, oaths and vows, and retaliation),jesus revokes the letter of the Law and replaces it with his own diametrically opposed command.3 Immediately after having said he ha come to fulfill the scriptures, Jesus sets aside some of them! In all six antitheses, Jesus applies the Golden Rule to make his changes. In the last antithesis Jesus turns the laws of retaliation "upside down": "Good must be done to all because all are to be part of God's household."4 Jesus Interprets Scripture Through His Actions 1 esus becomes Living Scripture as he puts his words into action, revealing the true characteristics of the Household of God. He shows that hospitality is an important value -all are welcome in God's house. Three stories in Matthew 8 symbolize Jesus' giving three groups of people direct access to the Presence of God, which he symbolizes (1 :23). Biblical scholar Amy-Jill Levine has observed: .. . the evangelist groups together the healings of the leper, the centurion's servant, and Peter's mother-in-law. The leper represents those removed from full participation in the Temple and thus from a major aspect of the public practice of religion because of disease; the centurion is restricted to the Court of the Gentiles; the woman . . . cannot enter the Open Hands Temple's inner court.5 These groups have been blocked from full inclusion in the religious community because of legalistic clinging to scripture, misuse of scripture, and/or hierarchical social mores. Jesus sets aside scriptures that are used to restrict accessibility to God's Presence. the Table: Jesus Reinterprets ighteousness and Sin sus is even more radical in his conuct at table. He confronts exclusivby eating with so-called "sinners." 10-17) Jesus does not eat with these rs to "convert" them. Rather, by with these oppressed people, hows that they are already a part Household of God. erl confronted by the Pharisees he company he keeps,Jesus says: learn what this means, 'I de.:::cy, not sacrifice.' For I have call not the righteous ers" (9: 13).6 In this en~, "mercy" (or _ parallel with .. and "sacrirogresses. is rightfor he Summer 1993 Later Jesus says that mercy, justice, and faith are the "weightier matters of the law" (23:23). Those at the table with him are also righteous, for they grasp the meaning of loving God, neighbor, and self. They delight in sitting down with each other and Jesus in an atmosphere of love and acceptance and having a good time. They show mercy to each other. Jesus illustrates further the meaning of mercy (9:18-34). When a woman with a flow of blood touches his cloak, he does not condemn an "unclean woman" for making him "unclean." Instead he praises her faith and she is healed. jesus then raises a twelve-yearold girl from death by touching her "unclean" dead body. Two men who are blind ask jesus to show mercy on them. He heals them also. As in the earlier triad of healing stories, this triad also reveals Jesus' good news that all can have direct access to the Presence of God. Everyone has equal status. The Pharisees continue to reject mercy as a gUiding principle. When jesus casts out a demon from a man, they accuse him of being eviL jesus, however, continues to proclaim the good news of God's household. He says that the harvest is plentiful, not meager and exclusive, as the religious hierarchy claims (9:35-38). Everyone is invited to God's Table, where everyone is treated with respect. Jesus as Sabbath Rest: Jesus Confronts Oppressive Exegesis Jesus' saying about God desiring mercy not sacrifice is repeated in Matthew 12. just before this chapter, jesus describes himself and his teachings as "Sabbath rest." He invites those 13 carrying heavy burdens caused by o~pressive teachings to learn from hIS gentleness and humility He offers teachings which offer liberation from burdensome scripture (11:28-30). Having spoken about "rest," Jesus illustrates it in actions. When his disciples are hungry, Jesus allows them to pick grain to eat, despite the Sabbath laws. He heals a man with a withered hand on the Sabbath. In each case, the religious leaders attack him for n~t following Torah and try to make scnpture a heavy burden (12:1-14). Jesus uses two different interpretive methods to defend himself. In the grainfield, Jesus cites other scripture passages (not in Torah) to defend his pos.ition, reminding them of David and hIS companions who ate the bread of the Presence that was reserved for the priests, and of the priests in the temple who break the Sabbath yet are guiltless. Here, he gives more weight to some scripture passages and less weight to others (12:3-8). In the synagogue, Jesus uses a form of rabbinical argument.7 He suggests that if the hearers would save a sheep from a pit on the Sabbath then they surely would save a human being. Her~, he appeals to tradition and to expenence in order to suspend scripture (12:913). In each case, Jesus' point is that a merciful response of meeting the needs of people is more important than observing Sabbath laws. Consistently he suspends or sets aside scriptural mandates when they block the way of loving actions that meet the needs of people. . Against the will of God, the Phansees plot to sacrifice Jesus (12: 14).Jesus, however, continues to do the will of God: "he brings justice to victory" (12:2). In Matthew 23, Jesus pronounces woe on those who are plotting his death. He says they oppress the people with hypocritical and hierarchical attit~des and actions (23: 1-12). They stram at gnats (scripturallegalisms) while swallowing camels (failure to observe the weightier matters of scripture and to do acts of justice, faith, mercy). He curses them for failing to be merciful, sacrificing the prophets, and for failing to accept the hospitality of the one who comes in God's name ( _3:37-39). Setting Priorities: Then and No As "Living Scripture,' Matthew's r\.Jesus demonstrates the characteristics of the Household of God, based on the principles of justice, love, mutuality, forgiveness, faith, goodness, and ministry to those in need. In word and deed, Jesus sets aside scriptures and practices which support hierarchical community arrangements and therefore place heavy burdens on the people. The new household that Jesus constitutes is one which is no longer defined by oppressive scriptural laws that give some groups of people more status than others. Jesus upsets elitists who seek to exclude others from God's realm by labeling them "sinners" or "outcasts" or "inferior." He says/shows that the basic requirements for membership in God's Household are love of God, neighbor, and self, which is revealed in just and merciful actions. . As followers of Jesus today, we also are called to be concerned with the "weightier matters" of the scripture. We are to give the most value to scriptures which stress love and justice and to do acts of love and justice. A scripture passage can be suspended in certain contexts by appealing to other scripture, tradition, and plain common sense (when one can see that love and justice are being neglected). In this way, love and justice can be present in all situations. If a scripture becomes outdated or irrelevant,Jesus shows us that it can be updated and altered to address the changing times. If a scripture is harmful it can be set aside . 'I believe the implications of Jesus' approach to scripture should be cle~r by now. Love and justice are baSIC norms. Hospitality is a Christian lifestyle. Everyone has a place at God's table and no one is to have the "place of honor" (23:6): • no matter one's sexual identity, preference, or orientation; • no matter one's racial, cultural, or ethnic background; • no matter one's economic, social, or marital status; • no matter one's gender or transgender status; • no matter one's physical, intellectual, and emotional abilities and disabilities; • no matter one's age. In Matthew, Jesus enjoins all disciples, then and now, to teach people' obey everything he (not Torah) has commanded (28:19-20). Everything Jes : has commanded is to love God, neig bor, and self and to do good -no mor no less. Through these actions, we C" be in right relationship with God, o~...selves, and our neighbor. We can reconciled.~ 1Verses 5: 17 and 7: 12 Jorm an inclusion, technique oj repetition oJten used by Ma tth to 'frame" a literary passage and gives cl. about his themes). In this case, the inclusi signifies that the verses in-between ~;e ab Jesus and "the law and the prophets. 2Eduard Schweizer, The Good News According to Matthew, translated by David E. Grc (Atlanta: John Knox Press, 1975), p.109. 3John P. Meier, The Vision of Matth~\' Christ, Church and Morality in the FlY . Gospel (New York: Paulist Press, 1979), p. 6..; 4Michael H. Crosby, House of Disciples Church, Economics & Justice in Matth e \ (Maryknoll, NY: Orbis Books, 1988), p.184 5Amy-Jill Levine, "Matthew," The Women.'s Bible Commentary, edited by Carol rl Newsom and Sharon H. Ringe (Louisville. KY: Westm inster/Jo hn Knox Press, 1992), r 256. 6Jesus is citing Hosea 6:6. Hosea 6 ca lls Jor Israel to return to God who will heal them and raise them up on the third day. It judge. Ephraim and Judah whose love oj God ha dissipated. 7The argument is called gal wehomer -Jrom the light to the heavy. ©1993 NANCY A. CARTER Nancy A Carter, an ordained elder in New York Annual Conference, is a member oj the board oj directors oj the Reconciling Congregation Program. She is the author, with contributions by Bishop Leontine I.e. Kelly, oj the book Jesus in the Gospel oj Matthew: "Who Do You Say That I Am 7" Open Hands 14 Personal Perspective by Alison Graham am a nineteen year old, heterosexual girl. I grew up outside of Chicago with an all-heterosexual ~ily. I went to Wheadon United Methst Church which has a large comnity of homosexuals or bisexuals. I 'e just completed my first year at . University in Madison, New Jer: am going to major in political e and eventually I want to be a Senator from Minnesota. not think there is anything wrong any sexual orientation. Actually, I nderstand how anyone could a particular orientation was wrong. only mildly legitimate argument rd against bisexuals and homoIs l5 that the Bible allegedly says -exuality is a sin. My sister keeps .e that God thinks heterosexuonly way to go. I keep telling her that, first, it never says that in the Bible and second, God didn't write the Bible. Let me defend myself. To begin with, only one reference in the Bible possibly refers to lesbianism (Romans 1:26). The few other references to sexual orientation only deal with gay men and in almost every instance the passage is about one man raping another, which is obviously a sin. The Bible is right to call rape a sin. Ifthe writers of the Bible really felt that homosexuality was wrong, don't you think they would have spelled it out for us so that there would be no question? Furthermore, God certainly did not write the Bible. Taking the Bible as God's direct word would be like me relying upon fourth hand information Oohnny heard from Cindy who picked it up from James that Rob . . . ) as truth. Actually, the latter would be more reliable because the original source can be spoken with directly. ummer 1993 Perhaps you think that I feel this way because I haven't had to put my beliefs to test. After all, it's really easy to say that you believe in one thing without realizing how different the scenario is when you are confronted with it yourself. Oh contraire, mon Jrere. One of my closest friends is bisexual and I watched him go through so much pain as he came out. Never have I felt so strongly that God loves everybody. I saw him discover that he was bisexual, then try to cover it up because society wouldn't accept him. I saw his struggle over whether or not to go to the campus bisexual group, worrying about whether or not his friends would reject him, whether people would look at him as an outcast, and whether he would be discriminated against. He went through one of the toughest times in his life. God was not against him; rather, God was the only one with him. You've read "The Footsteps of God?" Well, there you go. I just want to say one last thing. I think if the Bible were to be written today it would be quite different. When the Bible was written, people didn't know that one was born with his or her sexuality. We are trying to overcome racism and sexism because we understand that race and gender are genetic. I hope that someday everyone will realize that people are who they are and that's that. If you have brown hair, you're just as good as a blonde. Ifyou like peaches you are no more a sinner than someone who likes broccoli. Ifyou are a gay, lesbian, or bisexual, you are as good as a heterosexual. God loves you, and so do LT Alison Graham is a member oj Wheadon United Methodist Church, a Reconciling Congregation, in Evanston, Illinois. 15 Lat11ettta ions 18 }/of tift O"t!-tJfJ ~o.v My gut is wrenchirul. I am devastated. Why am I here? I am dis·graced. My lover died and I cannot share it. I have apartner of 14 years, and I cannot share it. Even now, I can feel mYSelf puttirul mYSelf on guard. I stay in the church because I feel like that's where I need to be. We celebrate that we can live our lives as much as we can. Ws hard. But irs still there. The rough rocks no longer can hurt us. We cannot celebrate our lives. We are invisible, silent. OUr tears wear away the roughedges Unresolved grief. The rock becomes acomfort and astrerulth. What we can't celebrate contaminates what we can. Where is the safe place to grieve? We are sittirul at the bottom of a slag heaP. We have to accept the fact that we will always have to stru~le, We are blinded to the slag heap of the church. to fight. What can we do to keep it from coming down? Why do we have to fight for something that should be ours? We have unknowingly added to the slag heaP. Fon!iveness is different than saYirul··rm sorrY: ' T he church has not asked for forgiveness. Open Hands 16 (s there a lesson in pain? The pain never leaves YOU. We can never forget the pain. Pain pushes us to action. I( am a heterosexual woman and I·m angrY. cannot know what it is like. 'm aru!rY and it just isn·t right. feel guilt because I didn·t know. I am angrY. Where is the God of Justice? 9maru!rY because rm lesbigay and I cannot speak. Vou, God. listen to my aru!er. did this in the name of Jesus Christ. makes YOU want to worship somebody else. 9 m still here because the church is my mother 'm not leaviru!. m20nna stay in my mother·s face. IGod. YOU OPened my eyes to the unfairness. aru!rv at YOU. but now I know that YOU have stayed by me. me gay for a reason. t know why. but I know Ws true. ~f4~"'f"f"S ' "' (",.. di' t/ie ~·~~~t Words of Assurance The steadfast 1Q.\le" ofGod never ceases. GodiSi'hler€ies never come to an·end: TheY".Clre .. ~iJ*:;f!i:'4RlI}" rriorning: . g:r,m\'faithfUlness. "GOO is m~POrtiOli~·· saYs nw soUl. ··therefotel wilt hoPe,in God." Lamen~tiogs'i3~i~24 Written by Covenant Group 18 at the Third National Convocation of the Reconciling Congregation Movement, Washington, DC, July 1993. Group Leader: Donna Kay Campbell, Corydon, Iowa. ummer 1993 17 Hospita e nterpretations of Sodom and Gomorrah Lindsay Louise Biddle Literary Context The book of Genesis ("beginnings") is the first of the five books (Pentateuch) comprising the Torah ("Law"). It can be divided into two parts: chapters 1-11 dealing with The traditions about the origins of the world and humankind, and chapters 12-50 dealing with stories of the patriarchs (fathers of the Hebrew people) and the descent into Egypt. Chapter 19 is included in the story ofAbraham, the first patriarch. It comes from the ')" (YHWH) source, the oldest biblical literary tradition and one that views God's call of Israel in the perspective of God's purpose for humanity [Marks, pp. 1-3, Anders p.210] Genesis 19: 1-11 succeeds Abraha intercession on behalf of his nep Lot and his family after Abraham hea God's plan to destroy Sodom an Gomorrah ( 18: 16-33) and precedes the flight of Lot, his wife, and two daughters from Sodom to Zoar (19: 12-23 and the destruction of the cities (19:2428). Historical Context Abraham is thought to have lived sometime during 2000-1900 B.C.E. Genesis 11 :27 shows Lot as the son of Abraham's brother Haran. Sodom and Gomorrah were located near the Dead Sea, perhaps just to the east and south. Both cities were inhabited during most of the third millennium and in places perhaps into the early second millennium. [Achtemeier, p. 974] Cultural Context The common understanding that homosexuality is condemned by the Bible is rooted in several brief passages the most well known and influent'~ being the story of Sodom in Gene_· 19. Although the word sodomy was u later to mean homosexual practices, Old (and New) Testament times r word existed for homosexuality, or ~ that matter for heterosexuality The cor.cept of sexual orientation was unknown. John Boswell points out that "None of the many Old Testament passages which refer to Sodom's wickedness suggests any homosexual offenses, and the rise of homosexual associations can be traced to social trends and literature of a much later period." [Boswell, pp. 92, 93] To understand the story of Sodom, we need to know what cultural mean- Open Hands 18 g both the writer and readers attached it. As we read the story we become 'are very quickly that the story is one ot intended violence and gang rape of e guests in Lot's home. To understand the fuller meaning of story, however, we must go behind o the customs and codes of honor manners of Lot's time. There we O\'er that Lot was upholding a code spitality to the stranger: "When an resides with you in your land, you not oppress the alien. The alien ~esides with you shall be to you as itizen among you; you shall love en as yourself; for you were aliens c land of Egypt: I am the Lord your ev. 19:33, NRSV). .~'"T·"nl Notes anners and faith follow one another in the story of Sodom and rrah. The first three verses outospitality requirements for surn a harsh land -lodging, foot ng, and dining. Lot does not of. 115 guests by asking their identity, !iii background, or purpose (the story assumes Lot does not know they are angels sent by God to rescue him and his family from the destruction of the cities ). The men of Sodom exhibit bad belief and bad behavior by demanding to know the two strangers (19:4-5). Scholars interpret the verb yada, "know," differently. Boswell assumes little if any sexual inference. For Edwards, the verb refers to sexual activity, and denominational reports explain "know" as threatened gang rape. McNeill affirms the verb's double meaning. The men of Sodom certainly attempt to terrorize Lot's guests, and the sexual innuendo simply adds to the harassment. It is also worth noting that not only does the story denigrate women as sexual property, but several modern English versions abet this sexism in their descriptions of the daughters "who have never known a man" (v. 8, NRSV). The verb, "know" (v. 5, NRSV) used actively regarding Lot's male visitors, receives rather harsh moral interpretation: "know them carnally" (New King James Version), "rape them" (Living Bible), "have sex with them" (New International Version) "abuse them" Oerusalem Bible). The same verb in passive form regarding his female children reflects little or no moral judgment, respectively: "have not known a man" (NKJV), "virgin daughters" (LB), "have never slept with a man" (NIV), "are virgins" OB). Jesus offers his opinion of the twin cities of doom when he warns his disciples, "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake off the dust from your feet as you leave that house or town. Truly I tell you, it will be more tolerable for the land of Sodom and Gomorrah on the day of judgment than for that town" (Mt. 10: 14-15; d. Lk. 10: 10-12). Jesus surely knew the prophet Ezekiel's rendering of this divine judgment, "This was the guilt of your sister [city] Sodom; she and her daughters [cities] had pride, excess of food, and prosperous ease, but did not aid the poor and needy. They were haughty, and did abominable things before me; therefore I removed them when I saw it" (16:49,50). Although 2 Peter 2:6-10 and Jude 1: 7 mention Sodom, Boswell and others hold that they do not refer to homosexuality . Interpretation ETIQUETTE AND RELIGION appear side by side in the Library of Congress system, and with good reason, for the way we treat one another reflects our beliefs. ummer 1993 19 DOING THE "RITE" THING means more than applying correct table manners at the altar of sacrifice. It means embracing what Boswell terms a theoxony, a divine call to welcome the stranger. [Boswell p. 96] For Lot, it means offering his two daughters to appease the men of Sodom. (A friend of mine suggests that had this ploy worked, the men could not be truly homosexuals!) For us Christians, it means inviting all to the common table prepared by Jesus Christ who, during his ministry, lodged, washed feet, and broke bread with every kind of folk. Note too that the punishment given the men of Sodom is blindness (19: 11). We no longer equate such physical or other challenges with sins even though the Old and New Testaments often do so. Nor do we define darker skin or femaleness as iniquities, as has been biblically supported in the past. However, strangely enough, the story of Sodom frequently gets used to promote homophobia and gay bashing; it almost never serves to condemn rape or misogyny or xenophobia. Using this tale about hospitality to preach hatred and practice exclusion of others is like using Jesus' parable of the Good Samaritan as a basis for anti-Semitism or priest bashing -it misses the whole point of the story! To GET it, we must cease equating sex with sin and (hetero)sexism with God's will for humanity. Let us instead remember our beliefs and actions with decency and grace and strive to overcome those 'sins of Sodom' outlined in Ezekiel that threaten to separate us from God, ourselves, each other, and our earth.T References Achtemeier, Paul j., general editor. Harper's Bible Dictionary. San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1985. Anderson, Bernhard W Understanding the Old Testament. 3rd edition. Englewood Cliffs, Nj: PrenticeHall, Inc., 1975. Boswell. John. Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century. Chicago: The University ofChicago Press, 1980. Edwards, George R. Gay, Lesbian Liberation: A Biblical Perspective. New York: The Pilgrim Press, 1984. Marks, John H. "The Book of Genesis." Interpreter's One Volume Commentary on the Bible. Charles M. Layman, editor. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1971 . pp. 1-32. McNeill, John j. The Church and the Homosexual. 3rd edition. Boston: Beacon Press, 1988. Lindsay Louise Biddle is a member oj the Twin Cities Area Presbytery and serves a church in St. Paul, Minnesota. Open Hands 20 -god's Peculiar Rig6teoustless: Utlcotlditiotlal-grace Pick Poole ary Context Book of Romans is a letter from e apostle Paul to the Christian nity in Rome. It is public correonce intended to be read in the ~~.~.i.lluunity's public worship, as op'0 private correspondence (such emon) limited to sender and reletter begins with a greeting -), followed by a major segment 320) which focuses on the unusness of humanity. In 3:21 the ifts to God's peculiar righteous'ealed in Jesus Christ, a righ.ess based not on works but on ness. In chapters 4-8 Paul offers .entary on this peculiar righteoususing as illustrations Abraham, and Christ, baptism, marriage, rth. In chapters 9-11 he struggles he fact ofIsrael's unbelief and the quent place ofIsrael in God's plan . 'ation, continuing to demonstrate s peculiar righteousness. Chapters _ _5 include Paul's exhortation to his rs to live lives manifesting the righness of God revealed in Jesus t. He concludes in chapter 16 with mer 1993 personal greetings, final instructions, and a doxology The particuiar verses with which we are dealing (1:26-27) come at the beginning of the letter shortly after the keynote (v. 17) and in the beginning of the illustration of the unrighteousness/ unfaithfulness of humanity. Through his use of rhetoric Paul is drawing his readers to the conclusion in 3:20 that "no human being will be justified in [God's] Sight by deeds prescribed by the law" and is thus preparing his readers for the "explosion" of God's righteousness in 3:21. Historical Context Paul was first and foremost a pastor, a missionary proclaiming the gospel where others had not yet done so. However, for centuries he was understood, not as a pastor, but as a "systematic theologian" whose writings were seen as theological treatises for the teaching of the gospel for all times in all situations. Only around the turn of the last century did scholars begin to see that Paul's purpose was not to be systematically consistent and precise, but rather to speak to the specific issues of specific Christian believers living in specific communities at specific times. A fair amount is known about Paul, (originally Saul), from the coastal city of Tarsus, a Jew with rabbinic training, and also a Roman citizen. As Saul, he was zealous in his commitment to Judaism, to the point of persecuting early Christians, but his conversion refocused his zealousness to proclamation of the Christian gospel. His ministry became a ministry to the Gentiles and his name changed to Paul, reflecting his Roman background and connectedness with the Gentiles. In his mission to the Gentiles Paul traveled much in the forties and fifties C .E. throughout Asia Minor (Turkey), Greece. and Macedonia, preaching the gospel and organizing communities of believers. He also wrote letters to those communities, encouraging them in their continuing faithfulness to the gospel, speaking pastorally to their problematic issues, and challenging them when they seemed to be moving away from the gospel. Paul's letter to the Romans, most probably written in the spring of 55 or 56 C .E., is unique because it was written to a community which he had never visited. It served as a letter of introduction in preparation for a visit he wanted to make to Rome on his way to Spain. The Christian community in Rome to whom he wrote was probably predominantly Gentile Christian, though Jewish Christians were likely a minority presence. Cultural Context Although verses 26 and 27 in chapter 1 make reference to sexual behavior, we must be careful to avoid putting the terms homosexual, gay, or lesbian into Paul's thought. "Sexual orientation" is a modern concept, one with which Paul would be completely unfamiliar. Richard Hays notes: ".. . the usual supposition of writers during the Hellenistic period was that homosexual behavior was the result of insatiable lust seeking novel and more challenging forms of self-gratification." [Hayes, p. 2001 To understand the cultural context of this passage in Romans, one must examine the secular Greco-Roman world, Hellenistic Judaism, and PalestinianJudaism. Paul's own cultural context for this passage is Hellenistic Judaism, influenced by the Greco-Roman world -though certainly he was conversant with the Palestinian Judaism centered in Jerusalem. [See Scroggs, chs. 2-6] Greco-Roman culture was highly maledominated, such that all meaningful 21 discourse occurred between males; in general, women were not present at the banquets or the symposia or in the educational centers. Normal male-male relationships were between an older and a younger, with the older taking the active role as educational mentor, teacher, sexual aggressor, giver of gifts. The younger (generally pre-pubescent or just into puberty) was the passive partner whose function sexually was to gratify the other, but not generally to be gratified sexually in return. The term describing this sort of relationship was "pederasty" or "lover of boys." Palestinian Judaism, both in its Aramaic translations of Scripture and in the early rabbinic commentaries on these translations, opposed homosexual activity, though saying little about it. The perspective was that such activity was practiced among Gentiles, not among Jews. However, some rabbis, seemingly aware of the potential for Jewish males to engage in this "Gentile activity" sought to protect them from such temptation which would transgress the Torah/Law by establishing certain limits, such as that a man with no wife may not be a teacher of children, thus preventing the Greco-Roman practice of pederasty connected with education. Hellenistic Judaism , represented by the Greek translation of the Hebrew Scriptures and especially the commentators Philo and Josephus, was hostile to homosexual behavior and viewed it excluSively as a Gentile (non-Jewish) practice. Philo (a contemporary of Paul's) in his comments clearly was referring to the practice of pederasty with its active and passive partners. He was especially vehement in his condemnation of the passive partner. He deriSively labeled such persons androgynous (literally, "male-female"). His hostility stemmed from two sources: first, that both active and passive homosexual activity was "against nature" (para phusin); and second, that this activity was against the Hebrew Law which prohibits the wasting of semen divinely intended for procreation. [Scroggs, p. 89] The reference in Rom. 1:26 to women is culturally more problematic. Except for this one mention, the Bible is silent on woman-woman sexual activity. In addition, Greco-Roman literature has few references to female homosexual activity. [Scroggs, pp. 140-144] In rabbinic literature there is only one mention of female homosexual behavior, which focused on the question of whether or not it constituted loss of virginity. Two houses of rabbis in the discussion split on their decision. Scroggs notes that "from a legal perspective, female homosexuality was of little interest, and . . . not taken with much seriousness." [Scroggs, p. 80] Textual Notes Verses 26-27 illustrate for Paul the unrighteousness of humankind, as do the other behaviors listed before and after them. Paul is not denouncing selected pagan vices; he is describing in "mythico-historical categories" humanity's alienation from God the Creator; he is offering a "diagnosis of the human Open Hands 22 ndition." [Hayes, p. 190; Kasemann, 47] The peculiar element of this section "omans is how God's wrath is dem"rated. The wrath of God is not -played upon persons as a result of r worshiping idols or degrading their . es or being "filled with every kind ·;ckedness, evil, etc." (1:29). Rather, .\Tath of God is the result of ankind's forgetting of God the CrelUmanity's ignorance and unfaith~ ss. Thus, the female and male ho-exual behavior described in verse _ItS simply one illustration of Paul's n of the fall of humanity. .e various behaviors Paul describes be "abominations" to both Helc and Palestinian jewish readers. 'er, the term "abomination" (see __ us 18:22; 20: 13) "does not sigmething intrinsically evil, like r theft . .. but something which is ll:' unclean for jews, like eating r engaging in intercourse during ·mation ..." [Boswell, p. 100] m Countryman likewise notes Paul thought homosexual inter__ was filthy and disgusting, but not think it was sinful or that people should necessarily share ew." Questions of purity are "a ~ of individual conscience and cane imposed on other people." [The 'ldent] Countryman's appraisal is on his reading of Romans l4: l4: . \' and am persuaded in the Lord "hat nothing is unclean in itself; s unclean for anyone who thinks ean" (NRSV). I'H#ornyetation ertainly, Paul was pejorative in his lustrations; he was neither neuor affirming of the homosexual r-h~;or he found in his world. But exactly was it that he was speakainst? Scroggs makes an excelse for the fact that Paul was speak-against the pederastic practices on in the Greco-Roman world in ay. Scroggs also suggests that Paul ed women in this text as a way of nstrating the equality of women e false world, since such equalit~.· ~ n the new creation. [Ser, mmer 1993 It is also crucial to see verses 26-27 in the context of what precedes and what follows them. In chapter one, Paul draws the reader (especially a jewish reader who has Gentiles in mind) to that very judgmental place of thinking "Yes, indeed, those who do these things are horrible and should die!" (see 1:32). But then there is that rhetorical hook in 2: 1: "Therefore you have no excuse, whoever you are, when you judge others; for in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself . .." [italics mine] Paul's intent in chapter one is NOT to pass judgment on others; that is God's responsibility. Rather, Paul's intent in 1:18-3:20 is to demonstrate that all humanity is fallen and is separate from God's righteous desire for creation. And we cannot by our own doing rectify that situation. Verse 21 of chapter 3 then radically shifts the attention away from humanity's unrighteousness to God's peculiar righteousness that justifies the unjust, makes right the unrighteous. God does what humanity cannot do. Paul's emphaSiS is not on the moral condition of human beings (heterosexual or homosexual), but rather on the absolute fallenness of all humanity and on the unconditional graciousness of the Creator in making all thing new. I suspect Paul would be incredibly saddened by the enormous energy expended these days on 1:26-27, while humanity languishes in its blindness to the focus of this book. One of my favorite theologians, and I believe the best commentator on this whole section of Romans, is Shug in Alice Walker's The Color Purple. Shug speaks to Celie of her understanding of God, that God made everything, loves everything "it" made, and wants human beings to love everything, too. Indeed, "it pisses God off" when someone walks by the color purple without admiring it. So, what does God do when God gets pissed off? Well, says Shug, God "make something else." Then Shug explains that "People think pleasing God is all God care about. But any fool li\ing in the world can see it [God] always trying to please us back." [Walker, pp. 203, 204] It pisses God off when we stumble around in our darkness, seeing clearly neither the Creator nor the creation. So, what does God do when God gets pissed off? God makes a new creation. What a strange and peculiar God this is! What a wondrously gracious God this is! For in this new creation all who are unrighteous are made righteous (how exactly, I do not know), all who are blind are made to see. Humanity is not stuck in the cycle of its ignorance. Heterosexuality and homosexuality are no longer at issue; the incredibly gracious -and absolutely free -love of God as revealed in jesus Christ is offered. Will we accept it? Will the church accept it?T References Boswell, John . Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality. Chicago: University oj Chicago Press, 1980. Hays, Richard B. "Relations Natural and Unnatural: A Response to John Boswell's Exegesis oj Romans 1." Journal of Religious Ethics. 14/1 (1986) 184-215. Kasemann, Ernst. Commentary on Romans. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1980. Scroggs, Robin. The New Testament and Homosexuality. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1983. Walker, Alice. The Color Purple. New York: Pocket Books, 1982. The Independent (London, April 22, 1992). Quoted by Advent, April-September 1992, p. 5, Jrom More Light Update. Dick Poole is a Lutheran pastor who does spiritual direction at the Claret Center in the Hyde Park area oj Chicago and participates in Resurrection Lutheran Church in Oak Forest, where his wife is pastor. _3 The Great Commandments According to Mark.9s Jesus Arnold Isidore Thomas Literary Context Often regarded as the "Second Gospel," Mark provides the earliest written account of the apostolic tradition concerning the ministry of Jesus. The Gospel of Mark is a major point of reference for the gospels of Matthew and Luke in constructing their frames of knowledge about the works ofJesus. This reliance has caused Matthew and Luke to be linked with Mark as "Synoptic Gospels" or gospels that share a "common view" (synoptikos in Greek) ofJesus' life and ministry. Matthew and Luke employed other common and independent sources for their respective accounts of Jesus, but the great commandments are featured, with variation, in all three gospels, and Mark is clearly the eldest Christian voice among them. The Gospel of Mark is divided into five parts: 1) The baptism and temptation ofJesus (1: 1-13); 2) Jesus' ministry in Galilee (1:14-9:50); 3) his journey to Jerusalem (ch. 10); 4) the last weeks of his life, including his death and burial (chs. 11-15); and 5) the resurrection (16:1-8). [Metzer, p. 47 NT] The great commandments saying falls within the final weeks of Jesus' life. It follows his rebuke of the Sadducees concerning levirate marriage (12:18-27) and precedes his rejection of the notion that the Messiah is the Son of David and his denouncement of the scribes (1 2:3540). One cannot be certain if Mark has placed the great commandments saying in its accurate context. In Mark the scribe who asks the question seems friendly, unlike the lawyer in Matthew who, with other Pharisees, "conspired against him." (Mt. 22:35) The incidents preceding and following the saying are similar in Mark and Matthew, but Luke has employed this saying to furnish a narrative prelude to the parable of the Good Samaritan. The different moods and settings of this saying prove that contextual accuracy was not a major focus of the Synoptic writers. Historical Context The author of Mark remains a mystery. The most popular assumption claims that he was John Mark, a follower of Paul and Barnabus mentioned in the Acts of the Apostles (Acts 12:25). The gospel was written in Greek for Greek-speaking Gentile Christians, as indicated by the author's need to explain Hebrew terms and customs. It was probably written around the time of the destruction of Jerusalem in 70 C.E. This tragic event in the life of Israel and the early church, along with the persecution of Christians under Emperor Nero, most likely inspired the apocalyptic vision of chapter 13. The purpose of the gospel was to encourage Christians to remain strong in their faith during this period of crisis and persecution, and to assure them that God's judgment was imminent. The author was a Jewish Christian writing in a time when Christianity was swiftly losing its Jewish identity and becoming more Gentile in character and makeup. Robert Funk adds that Mark "develops a sharp polemic against unbelieving Jews, which suggests that Judaism and Christianity are in the process of separating." [Funk, p. 28] The historical context of Mark is therefore far removed (by forty to fifty years) from the life and historical setting ofJesus. The priority of Mark deals with the faith and perseverance of persecuted Christians and not the presentation of the historical Jesus. UnderstandingJesus as an historical figure is not an easy assignment. The reality of this charismatic Jewish reformer is shrouded in the faith testimony of a church that sees Judaism as its adversary. The Synoptic Gospels may share a common view, but they don't always speak as one voice concerning the life, death, and resurrection ofJesus. Still, there are indisputable facts we gain from biblical and extra-biblical sources about Jesus. These facts confirm thatJesus was a GalileanJew, baptized by John the Baptist, who traveled throughout Palestine preaching and healing; that he called disciples and was embroiled in controversy about the temple; that he was . crucified outside Jerusalem by Roman authorities; and that after his death his followers continued as an identifiable movement. [Sanders, p. 11] Sanford Lowe elaborates that Jesus "emerged as a feisty, earthy and life-affirming preacher of hope to the dirt poor and the oppressed, to those who may have lost all hope in living . . . What was the dangerous message he preached? . Jesus sought to affirm the Open Hands 24 spontaneous fullness of life as everyone's birthright, especially for the downtrodden and the poor. His message frequently expressed a 'quiet confidence in the plenitude of creation' and our unbreakable connection to the ource of life." [Lowe, p. 5] esus was not a separatist seeking .. creation of a new religion, but a rmer who sought to change his faith Hion from within. He was a Jew worshiped in the synagogue and ryed Jewish customs and laws. Yet etimes he deviated from the norm igious observance when he felt the .i. .. .mandments of his faith lacked the of divine intent (Mk. 2: 15-28) . this in mind, let us attempt to erstand the religious tradition from hJesus answered the question conmg the greatest commandments. ~tual Notes -us believed that the greatest comandments were a combination of Shema ("Hear") of Deuteronomy nd the law of neighborly love from . icus 19:18. This combination may \... been unique to Jesus' understandof Torah, but the favorable response e scribe suggests a familiarity both nd Jesus shared with a preferred .tion of rabbinic instruction that tened the load of the law. Sherman Johnson states: "The raboved to make aphorisms summing he heart of religion, . .. and there much discussion as to which were weightiest commandments. One i told how Moses gave 613 comdments, but David reduced them even (Ps. 15:1-5), Isaiah to six (Isa. 5), Micah to three (Mic. 6:8), Amos '0 (A.m. 5:4), and Habakkuk to one . 2:4)." Uohnson, p. 523] esus himself may have been influ-ed by Hillel. This acclaimed Jewish '""her, and contemporary of Jesus, mmed up the law in his response to mquiring Gentile who desired a cone statement as to the essence ofJudaT' 1. Hillel replied, "What you would . have done to yourself, do not to d ur neighbor; that is the whole Torah, all the rest is commentary." usner, p. 64] -ummer 1993 Cultural Context The predominant and overarching ethic of the Bible is that of love for God and neighbor. According to Walter Wink, this love ethic "is constantly being brought to bear on whatever sexual mores are dominant in a given country, culture or period." [Wink, p. 1085] Israel and the church's love for God, and God's reciprocal love for them, determined who was their neighbor and how they would relate to the world around and within them. One's neighbor was considered an equal worthy of respect and fair treatment. Since Israel saw itself as a chosen people separated by God from the rest of the world to be a holy nation, neighborly love was first understood as an exclusive right reserved for male Jews (Deut. 15:1-3). This commandment was extended by the Holiness Code of Hospitality to foreigners dwelling in Jewish households. It stated that, "The stranger who sojourns with you shall be to you as a native among you, and you shall love him as yourself; for you were strangers in the land of Egypt. I am the Lord your God" (Lev. 19:34, RSV). The Bible seldom deems women equal to men. Jewish women were considered undeserving of neighborly love (as evident in Gen. 19:8 andJudg. 19:24). Their purpose was to marry, have children, and serve their husbands. Though they were treated as property of their fathers and husbands, Jewish women, by law, were favored over foreign women as wives . Israel's low regard for foreigners, especially during and following the exile, fueled the hatred of its leaders for marriages to foreigners (Ezra 9:1-3; Neh. 10:28-30; 13:23-30). But try as it did, Israel could not rid itself of the fondness many of its natives had for foreign mates. Hating the foreigner became an increasingly difficult task for the Jewish male when the foreigner was his wife, mother-in-law, or father-in-law. While some biblical writers frowned on such relationships, others lauded them as obvious ways God was extending the borders of neighborly love. Yet despite numerous actions to the contrary, this marital prohibition endured and was actively enforced during the life ofJesus. It is important to remember that the great commandments are products of a culture and theological perspective that condoned racism (Ex. 32:2; In. 4:9), slavery (Lev. 25:44-46; Eph. 6:5-9), and the silencing and debaSing of women 25 (l Cor. 14:34-35; 1 Tim. 2:12-15). But such was also the culture and theological perspective from which the Constitution of the United States was created. As the rights of our Constitution were gradually amended to reflect the more inclusive mind of a more diverse American population, so evolved the understanding of the great commandments. The gradually favorable impressions Israel and the church had of the world around them influenced the creation of an amended interpretation of their love for God and neighbor. Though Abraham prevented his son Isaac from marrying a Canaanite (Gen. 24:3),judah, Isaac's grandson, freely married the daughter of Shua, a Canaanite (Gen. 38:2). Though Moabites were denied access to the assembly of the lord (Deut. 23:3), Ruth, a Moabite, married Boaz and became the great grandmother of Israel's greatest monarch -King David. While the anger of Israel burned against foreigners during the exile, Esther, a Jew, married Ahasuerus, king of the Persian Empire, and her influence saved her people from annihilation (Est. 7: 1-10). Though Jews were not to associate with Samaritans, Jesus spoke to a Samaritan woman at Jacob's well, and her testimony about him made her the first evangel of the gospel On. 4). When, in the Gospel of luke, the lawyer asked Jesus, "Who is my neighbor?", Jesus answered with the parable of the good Samaritan who comes to the aid of a Jew (lk. 10:29-37). Such words and actions endorsed the belief of Isaiah that God accepts all "foreigners who join themselves to the lord," for God's house "shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples" (Isa. 56:6,7). These cross-cultural examples of neighborly love, sadly, did not extend to embrace gay men and lesbians by the time the Bible was compiled. The hatred the Bible displays toward homosexual behavior is a hatred of heterosexuals assumed to have lapsed into a sinfulness associated with foreign cult prostitution (Deut. 23: 17). The biblical writers had no concept of homosexuality as an orientation formed in-utero. They believed that everyone was divinely created and intended to be heterosexual, and any deviation from this procreative norm was considered ungodly (lev. 18:22, 20: 13; Rom. 1:2627). Yet the inability, or unwillingness, to procreate was, in fact, the condition of another formerly ostracized group of people -eunuchs. Because of their different sexual orientation and "disability" (due to sterility or castration), eunuchs were believed to be cursed by God and, like Moabites, were excluded from the assembly of the lord (Deut. 23:1). But Isaiah once again countered this intolerance with the belief that God promises full acceptance of eunuchs who are faithful to God's covenant (lsa. 56:4). Furthermore, Jesus acknowledged, in deference to eunuchs, that heterosexual marriage vows do not apply to all people (Mt. 19:11-12), thus removing the taint of sin and divine curse from one's inability or unwillingness to "be fruitful and multiply" (Gen. 1:28). Interpretation Many would argue that if lesbian and gay men were willing to refrain from sexual activity, like eunuchs, they too would be tolerated. They might even add that it is not only homosexual affection that offends them, but also the nonprocreative "waste" of male semen (Gen. 38:9-10). This opinion would surely place them in a diminishing class ' by themselves. In an overpopulated world where millions of people are dying from lack of food , nourishment, medical care, and hOUSing, I doubt that many people would mind if a male sperm were directed to places other than the female egg (like a condom, for instance). The borders of neighborly love need to be further extended. It is unfortunate that Christians, who have already rejected biblical sanctions for slavery and misogyny, fail to comprehend that biblical homophobia is based upon a similar sanction of uninformed and unneighborly prejudice. Jesus desired to know a person's relation to God by being in personal relationship with that individual. He sought to counter the prejudice of his society by being with individuals and people, on a first-hand basis, who were the objects of prejudice -women (lk. 10:38-42), tax collectors and sinners (Mt. 11: 19), lepers (lk. 17: 11-19), foreigners, eunuchs, and others outside the "in-crowd." He knew that his ministry of personal contact with the untouchables of his society would cause division and upset the faith and families of many who followed after him (Mt. 10:34-39). Gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals are the untouchables of our society, and our unneighborly attitudes toward them are sanctioned by biased biblical perceptions. I believe that God's word, while inherent in Scripture, is not confined to it. Neither is it bound by the bias of ancient or modern culture. God's word, expressed in the commandments of love for God and neighbor, speaks to us in every time and place. It guides us in every context of our life in relation to others. It challenges our complacent assumptions of those we fear with reminder that God's house "shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples" (lsa. 56:7). And it cautions us: "Those who do not love do not know God" (1 In. 4:8) .... References Funk, Robert W, editor. The Gospel ofMark: Red Letter Edition. Sonoma: Polebridge Press (the Jesus Seminar Selies), 1991, Johnson, Sherman . The Gospel According to St. Matthew. Vol. 7: The Interpreter's Bible. Nashville: Abingdon, 1951. Gohnson provides the introduction and exegeSiS) Lowe, Sanford. "The Significance of the Work of the Jesus Seminar for Judaism." The Fourth R, Guly 1992):1-9. Metzgel~ Bruce M. and Murphy, Roland E, editors. The New Oxford Annotated Bible (NRSV). New York: Oxford University Press, 1991. Neusner, Jacob. Judaism in the Beginning of Christianity. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1984. Sanders, E P. Jesus and Judaism. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1985. Wink, Walter. "Biblical Perspectives on Homosexuality."Christian Century (November 7, 1979):1085 Arnold Isidore Thomas is pastor oj the First Congregational Church in Williamstown, Massachusetts -an Open and AJJirming Church. Open Hands 26 E BIBLE AND HOMOSEXUALITY following resources offer a moderate to liberal view.] I, John. Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality. Chi0: University of Chicago Press, 1980. en, Bernadette J. "Paul's Views on the Nature of Women and ....emale Homoeroticism." In Immaculate and Powerful: The Female '1 Sacred Image and Social Reality. Edited by C . W. Atkinson et al. 'T'he Harvard Women's Studies in Religion Series. Boston: Beacon ress, 1985, pp. 61-87. [Looks at ancient texts -secular and relious -where lesbian relationships are discussed.) ntr>'man, William L. Dirt, Greed, and Sex: Sexual Ethics in the ~'ew Testament and Their Implications for Today. Philadelphia: .Fortress Press, 1988. rds, George R. Gay /Lesbian Liberation: A Biblical Perspective. -e\\' York: Pilgrim Press, 1984. l"lsh, Victor Paul. "Homosexuality" In Harper's Bible Dictionary. EdIted by P. J. Achtemeier et al. San Francisco: Harper &: Row, 1985, 402 . _.sh, Victor Paul. "Homosexuality" In The Moral Teaching of Paul: Selected Issues. 2nd ed., rev. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1985, pp. -2-82. sh, Victor Paul. "Understanding Homosexuality in the Bible's Cultural Particularity" The Circuit Rider 15/10:10-11, 12. scheid, John, booklet editor. Christians and Homosexuality -A Discussion of Biblical and Ethical Issues. Updated Edition. Published ,. The Other Side, 300 W. Apsley St., Philadelphia, PA 19144. $5. .:oni, Letha and Virginia Ramey Mollenkott. Is the Homosexual My "cighbor? Another Christian View. San Francisco: Harper &: Row, -~. [Revised edition will be available January 1994.) s, Robin. The New Testament and Homosexuality: Contextual Background for Contemporary Debate. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 3 . Bishop John Shelby. Rescuing the Bible from Fundamentalism. arperSanFrancisco, 1991. following resources offer a conservative view.] ser, Frederick J. "Homosexuality and the Old Testament." Word and World 10 (1990):161-65. -. Richard B. "Awaiting the Redemption of Our Bodies." Sojourners ~ll)' 1991): 17-21. Hays, Richard B. "Relations Natural and Unnatural: A Response to John Boswell's Exegesis of Romans l." Journal of Religious Ethics 14/1 (1986):184-215. Seamands, David A "A Common Thread of Opposition to Homosexuality Runs Through the Bible." The Circuit Rider 15/10:8-9, 12. SELECTED COMMENTARIES FOR BIBLE STUDY On the Whole Bible Guthrie, D. and J . A Motyer, editors. The New Bible Commentary: Revised. 3rd edition. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1970. [Written from the "unqualified belief in (the Bible's) divine inspiration"; a conservative resource.) Mays, James L. et aI., editors. Harper's Bible Commentary. San Francisco: Harper &: Row, 1988. [Produced in collaboration with the Society of Biblical Literature. Highly recommended .) Newsom, Carol A and Sharon H. Ringe, editors. The Women's Bible Commentary. Louisville: Westminster/John Knox Press, 1992. [Focuses especially on passages and themes which bear in some way on feminist issues.) On Genesis Brueggemann, Walter. Genesis. Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching_ Atlanta: John Knox Press, 1982. Westermann, Claus. Genesis: A Commentary. 3 Volumes·[chs. 1-11,1236,37-50, respectively). Minneapolis: Augsburg Press, 1984-86. On Matthew Harrington, Daniel J ., SJ . The Gospel of Matthew. Sacra Pagina . Collegeville: Liturgical Press, 1991. Schweizer, Eduard. The Good News According to Matthew. Atlanta: John Knox Press, 1975. On Mark Anderson, Hugh. The Gospel of Mark. New Century Bible. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 1976. Juel, Donald H. Mark. Augsburg Commentary on the New Testament. Minneapolis: Augsburg Press, 1990. On Romans Achtemeier, Paul J . Romans. Interpretation: A Bible Commentary for Teaching and Preaching. Atlanta: John Knox Press, 1985. Ziesler, John. Paul's Letter to the Romans. Trinity Press International New Testament Commentaries. Philadelphia: Trinity, 1989. ~~mmer 1993 27 Editor: I have just read your Fall 1992 Open Hands. It is very impressive. Congratulations on all you have been doing in recent years, and on being joined by additional denominational groups. I have been at Kirkridge now for 18 1/2 years, and for most of those years we have publicly welcomed gay and lesbian people at our events ... We salute your work in the confidence that the hearts and minds of people within the denominations will open and that gay and lesbian people will finally be welcomed fully into the family of the Church as they already are into the family of God, and courage and every blessing to you. Robert A Raines Director, Kirkridge, Bangor, PA Editor: .. . I am concerned about the attitude I see and hear from gays and lesbians regarding their place in the church. If gays and lesbians leave the church, how can people like me convince congregations that we are lessened by the leaving? ... I can understand the desire to leave, but don't people realize how hard it is to make change from within a system if the very people the changes are deSigned to help are no longer around? I would urge your readers and your writers to discover ways in which we can all work to bring the kingdom a little closer. Charles J . Alkula Landover Hills, MD Editor: I am writing to you to request your assistance in my efforts relating to a human rights issue. In defiance of an international human rights treaty to which it is subject, Bermuda maintains on its statute-books a law (Section 175 et seq. of the Bermuda Penal Code) that criminalizes homosexual conduct between males, even when that conduct occurs between consenting adults .. . While the major Christian denominations present on the island have manifested their desire to see the law rescinded, the African Methodist Episcopal Church does not. This Church counts among its members fully one-third of Bermuda's black citizens and enjoys enormous influence with the island's Government and population . . . . please consider communicating with the clergy (and laity) of the African Methodist Episcopal Church in Bermuda and urge their prayerful reconsideration of their position. William A Courson Bloomfield, NJ Editor: I just finished reading the winter issue of "Open Hands". It's a fine publication, but please allow me one minor dissent. [Mark Bowman] states that heterosexual allies expend their energy proving that lesbians and gay men "can't help being who they are." (Winter 1993, pp 6-7) I suggest that is not the most objective way of expressing the reality of gay sexual orientation. I feel it can more accurately be said that gay sexual orientation is not just some sort of casual preference it is instead an intrinsic part of each individual ... Martin Matson Lincoln City, OR Editor: With all due respect, I found your description of the "exgay" or "transforming" ministries to be incomplete or lacking in objectivity. (Winter 1993, page 11) You mention the "personal pain and trauma for lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons who have diligently tried" changing their behavior or orientation. This sounds like all this change is the sole work- drudgery at that -of the man or woman contemplating such a change, rather than the work of the Holy Spirit with that person's cooperation, as well as the support of a committed ministry or church community ... Secondly, you state that "these (transforming) churches require that changing one's behavior is a condition for acceptance into the church". Is that true? I read (in Transforming Congregation material) of "a love for homosexual persons persons of sacred worth who bear the wounds of fallen humanity and need the sexual healing only Christ can bring." From that statement, I don't picture someone being unequivocally barred from membership, but I don't know for sure . .. Linda L. Scisson Little Rock, AR Editor: I want to congratulate you on the Winter 1993 edition of Open Hands. What an excellent issue! We've ordered a dozen copies for use in our work here in the Pacific Northwest Annual Conference and I'm sure we'll want more soon ... Michael Spencer Simple Justice, Seattle, WA Open Hands 28 , tle",:;e:ttf Ne~f • wt.i1it-:s '""': :. Xl; (\' elcome New Churches . :ine more churches have jOined the menical welcoming movement in the ,\" months. 'HECO CIUNG~ aith UMC Cedar Rapids, Iowa Faith UMC is a closely knit commu" of 75 members with an emphasis or. learning and growing together as Christian community. A weekly Bible udy and a dialogue time after the rmon provide key growth opportuni. Active in many prophetic minises, Faith was the first "sanctuary ,urch" in Iowa and has been involved a "Going Home" project accompany-refugees back to EI Salvador. After reliminary discussion and a visit by .e RCP coordinator, Faith moved kly to become a Reconciling Con:egation because it was consistent with identity and ministry of the congre' Ion. --MOREUG:J Gibson Heights Presbyterian Church Louis, Missouri Gibson Heights' session adopted a olution welcoming all people into e church as fully participating memrs, with both the opportunity and the responsibility for ordination should they be elected to leadership positions, regardless of sexual orientation. According to the clerk of the session, Bonnie MontIe, "We celebrate diversity in our church. An all-inclusive church embraces race, ethnic groups, gender, age, education, economic status, physical or mental challenge, and marital status -we meet this criterion." Palisades Presbyterian Church Palisades, New York "In our hearts, we at Palisades Presbyterian Church have been part of the More Light movement for many years. Now we have made it official," states Jack Hoffmeister) chair of the church's More Light Task Force. This small-town congregation, northwest of New York City, is comprised of families, conventional and unconventional. Members include a variety of persons -scientists, actors, business people, teachers, and others -and lots of kids. Gay people have always been included, a distinguished but indistinguishable part of the church family. Several years ago, when a gay member was nominated for elder, the "definitive gUidance" threatened to disrupt Palisades' tranquil association with the Presbyterian Church (U.s.A). Instead of choosing another elder, the session left a place open for cause for three years. Last year) in response to the denial of the Rev. Janie Spahr's call to Downtown Presbyterian in Rochester, the session decided unanimously to become a More Light Church. Takoma Park Presbyterian Church Takoma Park, Maryland During a mission study three years ago, Tacoma Park recognized the need to determine whether its diversity would include gay or lesbian members. Located in a nuclear-free-zone community bordering Washington, D.C., the church already housed a Central American refugee center and child development center. The congregation also expressed its commitment to justice through a sister parish in Nicaragua and a developing ministry in the area of affordable housing. The session of this congregation, whose members come from at least eighteen different nations and are drawn together because of their enjoyment of God's gift of diversity, spent a day wrestling with this new aspect of inclusiveness. A small committee drafted a More Light declaration which the session adopted and presented to the congregation. Following educational events and a congregational forum, the session voted to become a More Light Church last February. VanBrunt BoulevardPresbyterian Church Kansas City, Missouri "Sometimes the Spirit helps a congregation come together and do the right thing!" says Kirk Perucca, pastor, about becoming More Light. The session of this small, multi-racial, urban congregation, predominately made up of older, blue-collar folks, adopted its More Light statement unanimously. "Becoming More Light has given us new life!" Kirk states. "It has helped us connect with the community in more ways than evangelism efforts have in the past. Honestly, this is the best gift this church could ever receive!" &..T~"'~T~ "T...T...T" OPEN --If-- L AffiRMING :J CONGREGATIONS ....a&.. T~"'~T~ ..T.......T.. OPEN AND AFFIRMING Central Congregational Church Topeka, Kansas Although Central's membership peaked in the 1960s (at more than 1,000 members), its enthusiasm hasn't peaked yet! Its 525 members have been inten- ummer 1993 29 tional about extending hospitality to everyone, its Open and Affirming vote being one expression. Through Central's large building in the inner city, space is offered to groups including the Topeka Center for Peace and justice, the Kansas chapter of the Religious Coalition for Abortion Rights, a tutoring program for inner city youth, a low-income day care center, and the Gay/Lesbian Task Force of Topeka where the pastor is a board member. Recently, members of the church helped bring the AIDS Memorial Quilt to Topeka, which raised $30,000 for AIDS service in the area. New Hope Church of Sonoma UCC Sonoma, California This small church of 12 adult members and 12 children is located in the middle of California's wine country. When begun three years ago, it was deliberately organized as a peace and justice congregation. New Hope has made a commitment to economic justice by deciding to give away half of the church's income (from all sources). These funds support "hands on projects" like the work of an Hispanic bilingual organization. In the fall, the congregation will continue to discern new directions for its ministries! Pakachoag Church Auburn, Massachusetts A suburban, central Massachusetts congregation that has grown and diversified recently, Pakachoag attracts folks seeking Christian community and freedom to explore the challenges of faith and ministry. Its programs include the Pakachoag Church AIDS Support Group and the Pakachoag Community Music School. With great joy and gratitude, it recently dedicated a new church building which includes flexible sanctuary space, offices, meeting areas, etc. Eventually this will be the congregation's new church home and the original building will be used for expanded outreach. Members continue to discuss ways that the church might live its ONA commitment and help other churches interested in the ONA process. University Congo Church UCC Missoula, Montana Located in a community of 50,000, this 101-year-old church has 360 members and a large, active church school. Being in "Big Sky Country," the church knows a lot about "mios" -ministries in open spaces! Hoping to broaden the UCC presence in this expansive area, University Church is considering giving leadership to start a new church in Kalispell (north of Missoula). University Church lost and gained some members after its ONA vote and also has more gay/lesbian people attending. The pastor believes theirs is the only church in Montana of any denomination (other -than UFMCC) to have made a "welcoming" statement. That makes them pretty unique in that part of the country!. Sexuality Still Controversial for Presbyterian General Assembly The 205th General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (USA), meeting june 2-9 in Orlando, Florida, proved once again that sexuality is controversial whatever the issue. The majority of overtures addressing the "definitive gUidance" that prohibits the ordination of "unrepentant, self-avowed, practicing homosexuals" made their way to the Committee on Human Sexuality. After hearing many hours of personal testimonies offered by persons from a wide variety of perspectives on homosexuality, the committee recommended a three-year churchwide study and dialogue. Despite several attempts at amendments, the Assembly voted 396-155-7 to adopt the committee's report. It states that the current "authoritative interpretation" (new phrase replacing "definitive guidance") of the Constitution prohibits the ordination of openly homosexual members as deacons, elders, or ministers. It strongly urges each presbytery to study issues of human sexuality, particularly relating to church members, ministry, and ordination and to report their results to the 208th General Assembly in 1996. And it leaves governing bodies to decide how gay, lesbian, and bisexual members can openly participate in the studies without jeopardizing their positions in the church. During the Committee on Human Sexuality's report, newly elected moderator, David Dobler, invited gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons to address the Assembly for twelve minutes. About fifty members, deacons, elders, ministers, family members, and supporters stood on the stage and began introducing themselves to the 700 commissioners and just as many visitors. The presentation ended with a brief statement by the Rev. janie Spahr, and the audience responded with a standing ovation. After the committee's report was approved, several dozen people who had earlier been on stage, demonstrated their anger and frustration. They walked among the commissioners singing, 'Jesus Loves Me" and "We Are a Gentle, Angry People" and chanting "You study us to death!" "How long, 0 church, how long?" and "Lift the ban!" Several commissioners and visitors stood in solidarity with the protestors. In other business, the Assembly voted 334-166 to approve the Consultation on Church Union (COCU) despite some commissioners' fears that the church would be forced to recognize the ordination by other denominations of openly homosexual persons. During the report of the Committee on Worship and Sacraments, the Assembly voted against an overture to amend The Book of Order's Directory of Worship to prohibit ministers from participating in the holy unions of same-sex couples. The Assembly approved the Committee on Social Witness Policy's report that calls for the repeal of Colorado's Amendment 2 and that urges President Clinton and Congress to end discrimination based upon sexual orientation in the military. At the same time, the Assembly rejected a commissioner's resolution that would have urged sessions to examine the current Boy Scout policy prohibiting gay youth from joining troops housed in their churches .• Open Hands 30 •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• 'T# : Reconciling Congregations Gather for Third Convocation • The theme "Borne on the Breath of God" captured the buoyant spirit ~ nd enthusiasm of the third naVa- n \~~ nal convocation of United Meth~ ~v· ) J) ~~ Reconciling Congregations "The convocation drew 278 -,,~J ~~mbers and friends of RCs from ".fo~~~~:' -::::::,..., cs. to Washington, D.C. for 72 hours of worship, study, training, and . es, with preaching by Mark Bowman, on-Petty, Rev. Bonnie · Beckonchrist, and h were consistently mentioned as high ·-eRend. Dr. Sally Brown Geis (Iliff School of r Tex Sample (St. Paul School of Theology) challe['be~ :mJ aroused participants with daily Biblical reflections. A.:ma Crawford and Dr. Elias Farajaje-Jones (Howard Dhinit)' School) captivated participants with their presentation on affirming diversity. During the Saturday night celebration, Bishop Susan Morrison commended the RC movement for its faithful witness. Forums provided succinct, informative presentations and opportunities for dialogue. Covenant groups offered the opportunity to meet each day with a small group of • colleagues to process information and to share individual faith journeys. Twenty different workshops provided handson training in different reconciling ministries. A rousing • concert featuring Susan Savell, Gene Cotton, and the Lavender Light Gay and Lesbian and People of All Colors Gospel Choir was another highlight. The youth participants toured D.C., visited the Holocaust Museum, talked with congressional offices about lifting the ban on gays in the military, and shared their experiences of ministries with lesbian and gay persons. A special preconvocation colloquy for large-membership churches exploring reconciling ministries drew 55 participants from 20 churches across the country. Again and again participants were overheard expressmg their amazement at the magnitude of this grass roots movement in the UMC. The experience of the weekend is best capsulized by their comments: The RCP convocation is a profound event facilitating the transformation ofour church. The convocation helped me listen to marginalized voices and to examine ways that I, as a heterosexist, must confront my own sin and repent. Rev. Betsy Singleton, Little Rock, AR The convocation is an absolutely invaluable experience for all the people involved -not only does it bring gays, lesbians and heterosexuals together in a loving, supportive and productive alliance; it serves as a source of nourishment and encouragement for people still struggling to become RCs or struggling with their sexuality . .. Elaine Baker, Williamstown, MA Comingfrom an annual conference with no Reconciling Congregations, I was amazed by the evangelical power of a truly welcoming space within the church. I have never experienced anything like it! Rev. Harvey Manchester, Smyrna, DE I have never been to a conference before that had such relevance for the entire church from beginning to end. Rev. Tom Shanklin, Rutland, VT The convocation was spiritually alive. It really showed me what the church can and should be like . .. It made me remember what Christianity is about. Joe Liggett, Toledo, OH So many gifted, joyful, beautiful people! ... The main discovery for me was how far I have to grow into full acceptance of diverSity. Rev. H. Myron Talcott, Colgate, WI Startling contrast with our first convocation which could be fitted in a room 1/4 the size ofour gathering place this time. How wonderful to be growing! Rev. Sally Daniel, Atlanta, GA Mark your calendars now for the Next RC Convocation inJuly 1995 inth Annual Conference !Provides More Light Energy The ninth annual More Light Churches Conference -the first under the newly organized More Light Churches Network, -drew over 100 new and familiar folks to Seventh Avenue Presbyterian Church, San Francisco from May 7-9, 1993. Hosted by Summer 1993 the Bay Area More Light congregations, the conference provided much good food, fellowship, and planning. After opening worship, Robert McAfee Brown, liberation theologian and professor at San Francisco Theological Seminary, delivered a powerful keynote address. Attendees participated in numerous workshops. A panel presentation by leaders of the Network, Presbyterians for Lesbian &: Gay Concerns, and the Coalition for Loving Justice preceded a discussion on developing a truly inclusive church. Then the first annual meeting of the new Network was held, the first board of directors elected and the first mission statement adopted. Singer/songwriter Debra Wood blessed Saturday'S evening meal and 31 after-dinner entertainment was provided by a chorus of women students at San Francisco Theological Seminary, including a few SLUTS (Seminarian Lesbians Under Theological Stress!). Kathleen Jimenez, co-director of La Plaza Resolana in Santa Fe, New Mexico, preached a challenging sermon during Sunday morning worship. And Lisa Larges, a candidate to the ministry who was denied certification because she is a lesbian, closed the conference by charging participants to turn themselves into percussion instruments and use their voices to reform the church! Elected to the Network's first board of directors were: Virginia Davidson (comoderator for advocacy); Lindsay Biddle (co-moderator for administration); Richard Lundy (communications coordina tor); Richard Hasbany (conference coordinator); Harold Porter (development coordinator); Ralph Carter (resource coordinator); and Robert Hettrick (secretary / treasurer). The 1994 conference will be held May 6-8 in the Twin Cities area, hosted by St. Luke Presbyterian Church, Wayzata, Minnesota .• UMs Retain Denver as 1996 Conference Site The Commission on General Conference voted unanimously to retain Denver as the site of the 1996 United Methodist quadrennial assembly, while also proposing that the program include "a witness in support of civil and human rights for all persons." In response to petitions and requests by several UM groups to move the General Conference following the passage of the antigay Amendment 2 in Colorado last November, the commission allowed one hour of testimony each from proponents and opponents of relocating the General Conference during its June 5 meeting in Denver. Asking for relocation were Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual Concerns, Colorado United Methodists Against Discrimination, the Methodist Federation for Social Action, and the board of directors of the Reconciling Congregation Program. The mayor of Denver and several UM leaders from the Rocky Mountain Conference testified for staying in Denver. All speakers expressed opposition to Amendment 2, but disagreed on the best strategy for protest. In its action, the commission stated that "the United Methodist Church can make its strongest possible witness in behalf of the civil rights of all persons by holding the 1996 General Conference in Denver. Our stand places us on the side of the ordinances currently operative in the City of Denver, [and] in support of the Rocky Mountain Conference of the UMC, other groups and persons ... who oppose Amendment 2 and the spirit it represents ... " The commission instructed its Program Committee to consult with representatives of the various groups who testified to "bring recommendations for a UM witness in support of civil and human rights for all persons.". UCCs and Disciples Gather in St. Louis The 13th National Gathering of the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns (UCCL/GC) drew a record 136 people to Washington University in St. Louis from July 12-15. Exploring the theme "Unity and Diversity: Gifts to Celebrate, Obstacles To Overcome," participants examined the dynamics of racism, ableism, heterosexism, and other prejudices. Challenging addresses by Peggy Way, Professor of Pastoral Care at Eden Seminary and Mary Webber, creator of the Dismantling Racism Project in St. Louis generated insightful and spirited discussion. On the final day, this Gathering became a joint event with GLAD (Gay, Lesbian, and Affirming Disciples Alliance). The two groups met together for community building, worship, and planning for our "presence" at the national General Synod/General Assembly which brought together 12,000 members of the UCC and DiSciples of Christ. At the Synod/Assembly, UCCL/GC, GLAD, and the Open and Affirming programs of both denominations hosted joint booths in the exhibit hall. A highlight during the Synod/Assembly was the UCCL/GC and GLAD banquet, attended by over 450 people! The speaker, Michael Kinnamon, Dean of Lexington Theological Seminary, the Coalition choir, and the recognition of seventytwo Open and Affirming churches/ministries made for a moving and memorable evening .• Open Hands 32 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 9 No 1 - Biblical Interpretation: Beyond Judgement to Love https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/af5de450cadef18a904c577a43b8f8e5.pdf 4ae24fc32879e0ff64d1791ea6819144 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 8 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1993 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document $5.00 More Light Churches Network Open and Affirming Program Reconciled in Christ Program Reconciling Congregation Program Resources for Ministries Affirming the Diversity of Human Sexuality Vol. 8 No.3 Winter 1993 Open Hands is a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbian, bisexual, and gay persons. Each issue focuses on a specific area of concern within the church. Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. (United Methodist) in conjunction with More Light Churches Network (Presbyterian), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ), and Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran) Programs. Each of these programs is a national network of local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbian and gay persons and their families into their community of faith. These four programs -along with Open and Affirming (Disciples of Christ), Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist), Supportive Congregations (Brethren/ Mennonite), and Welcoming and Affirming (American Baptist) programs -offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. Open Hands is published quarterly. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S .). Single copies and back issues are $5. Quantities of lO or more, $3 each. Subscriptions, letters to the editor, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands 380l N . Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Phone: 312/ 736-5526 Fax: 312/ 736-5475 Member, The Associated Church Press © 1993 Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. * ISSN 0888-8833 Printed on recycled paper. Resources Jor Ministries AJJirming the Diversity oj Human Sexuality IN THE STRUGGLE The Possibilities (and problems) of Reconciliation .................................. 4 Robert McAfee Brown A Note on Alinsky ............................................................................ 4 Dick Tholin Homophobia: The Church's Best-Kept Secret ........................................... 5 Mark Bowman The Most Divisive Issue Since Slavery .............................................. 6 William Sloane Coffin Birth of a Movement .................................................................................. 8 Answers to Commonly-Asked Questions ................................................ 10 VOICES OF THE CHURCHES Walking the Paths TowardJustice ........................................................... 12 St. Mark Presbyterian, Pordand, Oregon ....................................... 12 Leland Clegg Memorial United Methodist, .................................... 13 Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Walnut Creek United Methodist, Walnut Creek, California .......... 14 Trinity Lutheran Church, Chicago, Illinois .................................... 14 Wellesley Congregational UCC, Wellesley, Massachusetts ............ 16 First Congregational UCC, Memphis, Tennessee .......................... 17 Edina Community Lutheran, Edina, Minnesota ............................ 18 First Congregational UCC, Boulder, Colorado .............................. 19 The Welcoming Process: A Faith Adventure .......................................... 20 Ann B. Day How Welcoming Are We? An Exercise .................................................... 22 SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT Welcoming Pilgrims Home: A Prayer ..................................................... 23 Chris Glaser RESOURCES ..................................................................................................... 24 MOVEMENT NEWS ......................................................................................... 27 NCC Vote Marks New Era Kittredge Cherry .......... ....... ............. ............ 27 Welcoming New Churches ...................................................................... 28 Lutheran Church Installs Gay Pastor ...................................................... 29 Presbyterian Church Hires Spahr as Evangelist ..................................... 29 United Methodists Call to Move General Conference ............................. 30 The March on Washington in April ........................................................ 30 WELCOMING CHURCHES LIST ..................................................................... 31 Open Hands 2 Welcoming Churches: A Growing Ecumenical Movement Welcome to our first ecumenical issue of Open Hands!And a special welcome to new readers from the More Light, Open and Affirming, and Reconciled in Christ programs. Open Hands continues to be published by the Board of Directors of the Reconciling Congregation (United Methodist), but now in conjunction with the programs in the Presbyterian, United Church of Christ, and Lutheran denominations. To old and new readers alike, we hope you like our new cover masthead, as well as the new logo for the "news" section on page 27, which have been redesigned to reflect our new venture. This issue of Open Hands is focused on our ecumenical movement of open, affirming, welcoming, reconciling churches. Within our four denominational programs, we're almost 300 strong -and growing! We hope this issue will be of practical use to you whether your church is just beginning to explore becoming a "welcoming-type" church or whether you have officially become one within your own denomination's program. We've packed the issue full of helps for you. Robert McAfee Brown reflects on the theological concept of reconciliation from the perspective of grassroots organizing for change. Mark Bowman names an almost invisible reality in church structures and media. The four national coordinators, with help from others, have compiled an interesting birds-eye view of the "Birth of a Movement." Eight local churches across the country (representing all four denominations, large and small churches, and with ethnic and economic diversity) share their journeys of moving toward a welcoming, reconCiling stance. Ann B. Day explores the faith journey that churches take as they create inclusive community. Then there are several "handson" pieces to use in study/worship! Let us hear from you and we'll try to include comments in a "Letters to the Editor" column. -Mary Jo Osterman, Editor Program Coordinators Mark Bowman ~~::~F~~~!~~n::::::on Chicago, IL 60641 312/ 736-5526 Ann B. Day ................, ................., Open and Affirming Program OPEN ~ p.o. Box 403 !f!!! Holden, MA 01520 .............., ................, 508/856-9316 o Brian Knittel Reconciled in Christ Program 2800 Buena Vista Way Berkeley, CA 94708 510/ 841-6990 T Mark A Palermo More Light Churches Network 600 W. Fullerton Parkway Chicago, IL 60614-2690 312/ 338-0452 Publisher Mark Bowman Open Hands Editor Mary Jo Osterman Layout I Graphics I Typesetting In Print -Jan Graves Editorial Advisory Committee Reva Anderson, Toledo, OH Peg Beissert, Rolling Hills Est., CA Ann Marie Coleman, Chicago, IL Ann B. Day, Holden, MA Dan Hooper, Los Angeles, CA Derrick Kikuchi, Daly City, CA Sam Loliger, Buffalo, NY Anne McKee, Wayzata, MN Dick Poole, Oak Forest, IL Caroline Presnell, Evanston, IL Emilie Pulver, Chicago, Il Bradley Rymph, Washington, DC Paul Santillan, Chicago, IL Winter 1993 3 ,! .,_. l~e P'ffflflfffef (~..~ .~ , One theological gener~tion ago a movement arose m some churches to use the "Alinsky method" for bringing about social change. When this method was discussed, the participants would often come close to blows over the notion that what Christians had to do on the local scene was stir up trouble, be confrontive, force people to take sides, and up the ante in terms of aggressive social protest, so that finally a given objective would be achieved. The chief arrow in the quiver of the dissidents was to claim, "But the church isn't supposed to separate people in this way; the church is supposed to bring them together. The church is supposed to reconcile." The Impasse T his is, of course, a foundational 1. truth of the faith. Reconciliation is the heart of the message. We do want "to bring people together." But when people talked about reconciliation, they were not talking about something that could come after conflict; they were talking about something that would replace coriflict. If "peace" was maintained, if "conflict" was averted, then "reconciliation" had been achieved. Recondliation became an appeal to maintain the status quo. " eee,..eflf~·ff~ , by Robert McAfee Brown Conditions of True Recondliation , 1 Then Christians at their best have V V talked about reconciliation, however, they have insisted on a few things that go beyond the impasse just described. An understanding of such conditions may furnish some handles for those who want reconciliation between gays and straights. In the Christian tradition, reconciliation first of all must be seen as an act ofGod, something that has already taken place. The locus classicus for this claim is 2 Corinthians 5:19: "God was in Christ on Saul AlinskJ: . sky thellest kn er mthe' 1930s 'into t~e 1970s' otg:aniZer an4~F , worKing luFt his Industrial Fou~tla{ion ihChicago. Hebegap in the Back";~te~~;.Yards communi~ in GHiS,~g9 a,nd gained national notoriety in Roches~eF, N.Y. in the 19'60s throu intense struggle with Eastman Ko@'a!k His best known book is 'a:dictils: A Pragmatic"Primer for RealiStic RFititak Alinsky' believe is the e§sentialJ:tpre of a free aucl open sq~~ety3l'c{Rules .'; . , p. ow~rless c~lhJ;):)J.~.i\~ties around . 'mediate 'ipt~rest~, in nt al~§~ntee landlords, unn;spons and major coT,porate . ers. His tactics were dramatic ana abrasive. He felt they were necessarf in a world where "re1?onciliation" normaUYt}comes when one side nelds:,t~e power and the other side gets reconciled tc/that reality. Empowermentprought dignity and putpose to persons and munities and was the (}n~llgasis fqr genuine reconciliation (which Alil1}ight more rea~ily del~I;ib ~(QlJtting a deal.::) ., chard l'holin, R odal Ethics an tan Garrett-Evangelical Theologtc£if 5 nary. Evanston Illinois and a member of Wheadon UMC (a 1<cconciWig Congregation). %%#" . ; sponding to all of them in love, so that a fresh start can be made by us. We may deny this claim 'or ignore it (love is never coercive). But if we choose not to believe this, we are, in effect, living a lie. We are invited to accept the gift of forgiveness and start again. The extent of this outreaching love of God is wider than we imagine. Reconciliation is not simply what God does for us as individuals. As Paul makes clear, what is involved is the reconciliation of the whole "world." The Greek is even stronger: the whole kosmos. We are not only redeemed people, we are redeemed people living in a redeemed The only trouble with this scenario was that nothing changed. Reconciliation became an appeal to maintain the status quo. The point of view of those in charge triumphed. Further defeat and frustration came to those who felt that they were ongoing victims of injustice. The presumed reconciliation signaled only that the victimized ones had thrown in the towel. Estrangement the opposite of reconciliation -became more deeply embedded than ever. reconciling the world to God." This act of God is embodied in the special power of the life, death, and resurrection of Jesus of Nazareth. The estrangement between God and ourselves has been overcome, not by what we do, but by what God did in coming into the world in human form, taking on all the burdens, problems, and consequences of human life and human sin, and re-world -whether we recognize it or not. True, as Martin Buber put it, the world does not look very redeemed, but that is due to our ingratitude rather than God's lack of concern. Although reconciliation is not something we "do," it is something to which we must respond. When we do so positively, God makes us "agents of reconciliation" -those who are to exemplify Open Hands 4 ---- -------------------------------------------------------------------- -- -- -- -- --------- -- -- --- -------------------------- the good news of reconciliation by living it out ourselves. We are instruments through whom God makes the situation "other" than it was before -which is what the Greek root of the word reconciliation suggests. First Steps ofReconciliation I f reconciliation is God's act -already accomplished -and if we are to be agents of that reconciliation, how do we make a fresh approach to the current question of the relation of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons to the church? Surely we begin by repudiating the kind of thinking present in the dissenters' argument of the Alinsky debate (i.e., that reconciliation should mean that gays and lesbians stop being pushy, accept the wisdom of the majority, and fade back into the woodwork). Such "peace" is a perversion of what reconciliation is all about. Instead, reconciliation is to be recognized and affirmed. God has crossed the divide between God and ourselves. Gay men, lesbian women, bisexual persons, heterosexual persons, status-quo people, hostile opponents -all are ones for whom (in Paul's lingo) Christ died and rose again. In crossing the divide between God and ourselves, God has also crossed the divide among ourselves. 0Jo hatred, false or malicious accusation, or self-asserted moral superiority is appropriate here from any side! God's reconciliation encompasses the whole kosmos , the whole created order. God has blessed and redeemed not only heterosexual love but homosexual love as well, since God created both. "And God sawall that God had created. And behold, it was very good." (Genesis 1:31) T Robert McAfee Brown is Professor Emeritus, Theology and Ethics, Pacific School of Religion. Berkeley, CA, and Parish Associate at First Presbyterian Church ofPalo Alto (a More Light Congregation). --..--..~ -..-..-...--~-..----------~-------- --------------~--- --~----- h's 8est-Kept Secret The Churc M k Bowman by ar A moOing InvitingPetsons to SUbscribe to 0JJen HonrJs broughtone I'esfJonse 'NiIh "this is from the Pit ofheirSCrawied on the IetIer 0IJd anotherreminding us thathomosexumlly is an "abomonanon(sic) before God." . Apastor in Olclahoma who was involved in ministry with persons with AIDS and had begun ministry with gaymen and lesbians was told to leave that church by vote ofa parish committee. --~.-19ft ~:::;.--;;,• ."IIt:1SOf/ and sumtnarily IeI7IOVed from his IJOStorate by the bishop, a/1OSfor In asmall town in Ohio was told by aparishioner to move out Of the '../1OISonoge Immediately becaUSe -Ifhe was seen around IDwIt his life was in danger." m • 4i Agay couple in upstate New Vor1c who /1OV8 gained nolOrfeJy for adopting HJV+ chUdren were asked not to come bOCk to a UnHed Me/hOdlsf Church in their communitY by one of its lay leaders. AconsPiracy of silence exists that within the past few weeks. I could fill refuses to acknowledge the perthis magazine with all the stories I've vasiveness of homophobia in heard over the years. Yet we rarely hear our churches and in our society. How these stories in our churches. many stories have you read in the reliWhen I talk with church groups gious press telling of incidents like those about the Reconciling Congregation above? I suspect very few, if any. Instead Program, one of the most common of exposing these acts of retribution questions I hear is "Why do we have to against individuals, the church media do this? Everyone is already welcome in reports congregations which have overour church." Time and again I must to stepped the apparent bounds of acrefute this assertion by pointing out the ceptable practice, such as a United reality that the one and only message Methodist church in Indianapolis recthat the church has clearly communiognizing the lOving commitment of two cated to the lesbian, gay, and bisexual men or a Presbyterian congregation in community over recent decades is -"you Rochester calling a lesbian pastor. are not welcome here." The reality has been and still is that Why the Silence gay men and lesbians daily bear the brunt of discrimination and castigation W hy this conspiracy of silence by those who call themselves "Chrisabout homophobia in our tians." The stories above all occurred churches? I suggest several reasons. Winter 1993 5 Only a small minority of Christians are actively homophobic in their actions toward lesbians and gay men. This homophobic minority sometimes condemns lesbians and gay men in public, such as Pat Buchanan did at the Republican National Convention last July. However, more often, overtly homophobic clergy and laypersons commit acts of emotional and physical violence against gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons in the shadows of church life, unseen and unknown by most of their Christian colleagues. Most Christians are baSically nice people. They desire cooperation, caring, and comfort. They hurt when others hurt. They seek to model Jesus' loving acceptance of other persons. They see the church as a place where others can find love and understanding. These Christians are oblivious to the fact -and probably find it incomprehensible -that a homophobic minority are inflicting injury on gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons in the shadows of church life. Another reason for the secrecy surrounding the church's homophobia is that lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons are still so vulnerable that they dare not publicly name the actions taken against them. A clergy who is "outed" and dismissed from a church still hopes to find employment in another church or a secular job. A lesbian couple who is ostracized from a church fears the news could be passed along to the school their daughter attends. A victim of gaybashing doesn't want to report it to the police lest it get in the newspapers and jeopardize his job. A lesbian who gets menacing phone calls telling her she is condemned to hell assumes the local police will be unsympathetic. Lesbians and gay men are survivors. We have learned to exist in a largely hostile society, where we see and hear homophobia daily. Surviving often means tuning out those messages which are hurtful to us. To personally respond to each homophobic statement that we hear threatens to unleash a torrent of uncontrollable anger from the depths of our being. In defense of ourselves, we learn to ignore comments like ''I'm so glad we finally have an organist who is heterosexual," "Don't you think Sue and Marcia are a little too friendly?" or "I certainly wouldn't want any of those folks around my children." Still another reason for this conspiracy of silence is that public opinion in our society has not yet coalesced into a societal norm that overt homophobia is unacceptable. In other words, blatant homophobia is still within the bounds of socially acceptable behavior. The proper question before the church is not "Can one be gay and Christian 7" but "Can one be Christian and homophobic7" When a religious publication prints a story regarding homosexuality, many letters from readers are generated which are quite negative, even vitriolic, toward lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons. Such letters routinely use words like "perversion," "abomination," or "condemnation." Many magazines and newspapers will print these letters in the interest of voicing "all sides" of the concern. Now that the debate on the ban on gays in the military has reached the national forum, we hear this hate-filled language on radio and TV talk shows and news programs. As I read these letters and listen to voices on the radio and TV, I muse. Racism is still rampant in our society, but would a magazine print the same letter if "African-American" were substituted for "homosexual" persons? Antisemitism and misogyny are prevalent, but would the radio show broadcast that diatribe if it used this language in reference to Jews or women? We know the answer is no. Racism, anti-semitism, and misogyny are deeply rooted within our society, but we have generally adopted the societal norm that blatant expressions of such oppressions are not acceptable in a respectable public forum. Yet it is still socially acceptable for gay, lesbian, or bisexual persons to be condemned in public forums. A final reason for the conspiracy of silence on homophobia in our churches is the one I find most insidious. The discu.ssion in our churches around the concerns of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons still focuses on the worthiness of nonheterosexual persons to be Christian rather than on the unChristian nature of homophobia. The questions that define the debate continue to be "Is homosexuality a sin?" or "Can someone be gay and Christian?" Millions of words have been printed and spoken in debates over biblical interpretation of homosexuality and the origins of homosexuality. Heterosexual allies expend their energy proving that lesbians and gay men can't help being Open Hands 6 who they are and are really good human beings who can be in relationship to God. Even we as gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons continue to allow ourselves to be paraded before Christian study groups to demonstrate that we're really normal and deserve to be allowed to sit in the pews. Homophobia and its partner, heterosexism, are so deeply entrenched in our church that they even frame the questions we consider. 1 suggest that the proper question before the church is not "Can one be ay and Christian?" but "Can one be Christian and homophobic?" The proper question is not "Is homosexuality a sin?" but "Is excluding persons from our churches a sin?" Opening the Church's Closet H oW can we begin to move the church forward and pull the specer of homophobia out of the closet? First, we can name and confront cmophobia when it appears. This is eginning to happen -slowly and in fferent cities around the country. Last .. some pastors in Burlington, Vernt jOintly wrote and read a stateent to their congregations decrying ti-gay and anti-Jewish incidents in eir city. Pastors and other church lead-in :-Jew York City are witnessing to Children of the Rainbow" curricun their public schools (which has ed a public outcry because it inuoes a section on tolerance toward . and lesbian families). More heteroc~ ua~ Christian allies like these need peak out publicly against homoobia and name it as a predominant of todar's church. Gay. lesbian, and bisexual persons st also take steps to name the hoophobic acts carried out against them. Ce!"tainly there are individual needs and concerns in which personal and familial survival seems to outweigh going public. Yet the cost of continuing quietly to bear the brunt of social and ecclesiastical homophobia takes a deadly toll on us. \Ve can also address the homophobia which pervades our media. We can speak out to Christian magazines and nev,'spapers which sensationalize homosexuality and print degrading letters and articles about lesbian, gay, and Winter 1993 bisexual persons, but fail to recognize the daily acts of homophobic violence carried out in the name of the church. Then we can broaden our sphere of influence by confronting homophobia in the secular press. Words . do inflict hurt and injury. Finally, our strategies in our local churches can be informed by this refocusing of our attention. Rather than expending so much energy educating our church members about homosexuality, we can devote more time and resources to instructing about homophobia and its resultant human pain. We can redirect the lens to scrutinize the evidences of homophobia within our congregations. There will be resistance to this redirection of the locus of attention. It is easier to objectify the concern externally to talk about "those persons" than it is to evaluate one's own culpability in creating human suffering. Tough Words, High Stakes Reframing the question from "Can one be homosexual and Christian?" to "Can one be Christian and homophobic?" is not only a matter of ideology, but 1believe it is also strategically significant for our welcoming programs. When church members personally know the painful experiences of gay, lesbian, and bisexual brothers and sisters, they are led to the imperative to publicly decry homophobia and make a welcoming declaration. Congregations become reconciling because they have recognized the need to do so. So our task as those who seek to enable the welcoming process is to create that sense of need. We can do this by exposing the pervasive presence of homophobia. 1 frequently remind congregations that the process of becoming reconciling is not about reaching a consensus about homosexuality, but a consensus about ministry. There is too much mysteriousness and divergence of experience surrounding sexual orientation for us to expect any community of persons to come to a common mind on homosexuality. However, in the welcoming process a congregation seeks a consensus about ministry, in essence stating: "We, in this congregation, declare our ministries open to all persons, regardless of sexual orientation. Furthermore, we have no choice but to make this statement about our ministries because homophobia in the church at large has effectively closed the doors upon lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons." One continuous thread throughout church history is that of God challenging the church to welcome a new group ofoutsiders. These are tough words to speak to our Christian friends and colleagues. We speak these words not only because of our compassion for our lesbian and bisexual sisters and gay and bisexual brothers. We also speak them, 1believe, because much more is at stake here. In fact, I believe that not only the integrity, but also the very survival of our churches in the future depends upon how it deals with this concern today. One continuous thread throughout church history is that of God challenging the church to welcome a new group of outsiders. This challenge began with Jesus' ministry to outcasts and continued with the early Christians' bitter dissension over preaching the Gospel to non-Jews. To put it quite simply, those manifestations of the Body of Christ which have survived over the centuries as vital ministries have been those that have responded to God's challenge to extend the circle of faith to include persons previously excluded. It seems audacious, even awesome, to consider that our efforts to unveil the church's homophobia is part of a much larger divine plan. 1 believe that through our ecumenical welcoming movement God may be calling the larger Church to be the Body of Christ in the 21st century. We cannot risk denying this possibility. We must break the conspiracy of silence. We must expose the church's best-kept secret. T Mark Bowman has been a national coordinator oj the Reconciling Congregation Program since its inception in 1984. He relocated Jrom Washington, D.c. to Chicago last summer to open the program's national office there. 7 t) ~ ~_~Birth of a Movement ~ .. I _ In the 1970s the concerns oflesbians and gay men began to be raised and debated in a major way throughout mainstream churches. t Entrenched homophobia and heterosexism led to numerous church I policies which excluded gay men and lesbians from full participation in the life and service of the church. In response to this exclusion, individuals and groups began to vision the building of a grass roots movement for change in the churches. That vision gave birth to our "welcoming" programs. Fifteen years ago no official "welcoming" programs existed. Today the four oldest "welcoming" programs -More Light, Open and Af firming, Reconciled in Christ, and Reconciling Congregations -claim almost 300 mainstream churches which officially welcome lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons. In November 1992, these four denominational programs became linked in an ecumenical move to publish Open Hands. Here are the stories of how the four programs came ~~~~ ~ ------~~ More Light Churches Network In 1620 Pastor John Robinson advised the Pilgrims seeking religious liberty that "God hath yet more light to break forth from the Word." This promise was quoted at the 1976 United Presbyterian General Assembly when the Assembly formed a two-year task force to study homosexuality, particularly as it related to ordination of local church officers (deacons and elders) and clergy. The 1978 General Assembly rejected the report of the task force and instead determined that gay men and lesbians should be welcomed as local church members but without the right to serve as church officers or as clergy (both of whom are ordained in the Presbyterian Church). This "definitive guidance" was declared "binding" on presbyteries and church congregations, so that any local church which does ordain gay men or lesbians as church officers or clergy is disobeying church law. West-Park Presbyterian Church of New York City became the first congregation to oppose the action of the General Assembly when it voted to welcome all lesbian and gay members, affirm their civil rights, and grant them full religiOUS rights to participate in and serve the Body of Christ, including the right of ordination. Other congregations also adopted resolutions proclaiming their intention to be inclusive in both membership and ordained leadership, regardless of sexual orientation. These congregations became known as "More Light" churches. The movement had begun. In 1985, the Permanentjudicial Commission of the Presbyterian Church (USA) judged a congregation to be in error for passing a More Light resolution. Later that year, other More Light churches met for the first time to plan strategy in case other churches were subject to judicial attack. A conference is now held annually for declared and inquiring congregations. In 1991, an organizational committee was created to determine a more formal structure for More Light congregations. In 1992 The More Light Churches Network was officially recognized and a seven-member Steering Committee was elected to handle ongoing business and facilitate communication. In November 1992 a decision of the Permanent Judicial Commission set aside the call of the Rev. Jane Spahr to Downtown United Presbyterian Church in Rochester, New York. Follow-up by the More Light Churches Network has included writing letters of protest to denominational leaders; strategy sessions on how to overturn "definitive guidance"; and passing overtures which will be forwarded to the General Assembly in June 1993 to challenge the ordination ban. Open and Affirming Program ...--___..., The Open and Affirm................. ing program in the .........-........ United Church of Christ OP~N (UCC) began at the AffiRMING Fourteen th General CONGREGAnONS Synod (1983) when the ""'~T~"'''' Reverend Raymond Bra..........-........ dley, Jr. introduced a resolution urging local churches to welcome gay and lesbian people. This resolution was debated and sent to the Executive Council for referral to national bodies of the denomination for study and further action. Several months later, members of the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns (UCCl/GC) in Massachusetts gathered to revise the 1983 resolution. Their document was submitted to the Massachusetts Conference Annual Meeting which adopted it in June 1984 and forwarded it for consideration at the General Synod in 1985. In the spring of 1985, the resolution encountered .a roadblock. A new rule stated that resolutions which had been debated at General Synod in prior years Open Hands 8 could not be resubmitted. After much negotiation, the Resolutions Committee agreed to place the "Open and Affirming" Resolution on the agenda. The Fifteenth General Synod resolution, "Calling on United Church of Christ Congregations to Covenant as Open and Affirming," encouraged congregations to "adopt a non-discrimination policy and a Covenant of Openness and Affirmation of persons of esbian, gay, and bisexual orientation ---=thin the community of faith." The esolution was passed by ninety-five rcent of the voting delegates on July _ 1985. ince that hot, historic summer in "es, Iowa, many individuals and r·:mps have contributed to the growth the O~Aprogram. In southern Califorma, for example, three ONAchurches uced a video, Open and Ajjirming: urney oj Faith, which was released 1992 by the United Church Board r Homeland Ministries.l Reconciled in Christ Program The Reconciled in Christ program was created by John Ballew, a former president of Lutherans Concerned (LC). His new program was endorsed at the Lutherans __erned biennial Assembly in 1984. ..en six congregations qUickly pled the "Affirmation of Welcome" e p. 15), the RIC ram became a priary grassroots orga--'ng project and a -for LC to promote goals of under-tanding and recon- liation. To give the program -he support it needed, the position of IC Program Director was created as a LC NA board position in 1985. Rose Smith, the first Director, served fulltime until 1990. During her tenure as Director, she wrote the RIC "Plan of Action" which spells out the purpose of the Reconciled in Christ program and gives suggestions for LC chapters which wish to encourage congregations in their area to become RIC congregations. Winter 1993 At Assembly 1992, the membership of Lutherans Concerned authorized the formation of a new, as yet unnamed, program that will invite congregations to join LC as active partners working for justice and the further development of the RIC program. Reconciling Congregation Program In 1983 discussion began among members of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns about identifying and supporting congregations that welcomed lesbians and gay men. A proposal for Reconciling Congregations was approved at the fall 1983 meeting of Affirmation. The program was officially launched at the May 1984 General Conference in Baltimore after decisions were made to continue language that "homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching" and to add a specific policy that no "self-avowed practicing homosexual" could be ordained or appointed. On the morning following that vote, members of Affirmation gathered outside the conference center to pass out brochures to delegates and visitors inviting their congregations to become "reconciling." Within two weeks two congregations had voted to become Reconcil- In addition to these four denominational programs, four others also were developed in the late 1980s and early 1990s; the Open and Affirming program of the Disciples of Christ; the Unitarian Universalist Welcoming program; the Supportive Congregations of the Brethren/Mennonite church; and the Welcoming and Affirming program of the American Baptist Church. ing Congregations. Symbolically, they spanned the country: Washington Square UMC in New York City and Wesley UMC in Fresno, California. By March 1987 twenty-two churches had become RCs. They sent 125 people to a national convocation in Chicago, a weekend of worship, training, sharing, and celebration. A second convocation in San Francisco in February 1990 drew 200 persons from the then forty-three RCs. A third convocation is planned for July 1993 in Washington, DC . The history of the Reconciling Congregation program includes many miracle stories. In 1985, original program co-coordinators, Beth Richardson and Mark Bowman, began a quarterly magazine, Manna jar the Journey, as a resource for the Reconciling Congregations. Now in its eighth year and renamed Open Hands, it has 1500 paid subscriptions and has won several awards from the Associated Church Press. A friend of the RC movement, Marshall Jones, was invited to film the first convocation. He returned with wonderful footage that was edited into the video, Casting Out Fear. Upon discovering during their RC study that no Christian resource existed which presented information about homosexuality in simple language, Ann Thompson Cook and other members of Dumbarton UMC (Washington, DC) wrote And God Loves Each One and raised the funds to publish it. InJuly 1990, in order to enable RCs to provide more direction for their growing movement, the Reconciling Congregation Program became a non-profit organization with its own board of directors. A national office was established in Chicago in 1992 with a paid coordinator who moved to full-time. There you have it -the story of a movement born! As the "welcoming" congregation network grows, so does a powerful witness to the Church as an inclusive community in Christ, where people of all sexual orientations are welcome to bring their gifts for the upbuilding of the church and its ministries. T 1Some background Jor this article came Jrom 'Journeys in Other Denominations: United Church oj Christ." Open Hands, Summer 1986, p. 17. Additional information was provided by a history oj the aNA program written by Ms. Marnis Warner oj the MA ConJerence, Uce. Some material was previously published in the notes accompanying thevideo, "Open and AJJirming: A Journey oj Faitii' (UCBHM) . Compiled by the Jour coordinators oj the welcoming programs: Mark Bowman, Ann B. Day, Brian Knittel, and Mark Palermo. 9 A1\TSWBBS TO o e Commonly-Asked Questions Over the past fifteen years 291 congregations have declared themselves to be More Light (Presbyterian Church, U.s .A), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ), Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran), or Reconciling (United Methodist Church). From our collective experience of working with these congregations as they have sought to make public statements welcoming lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons, we have learned that particular questions arise time and again. Here is a list of these commonly-asked questions with concise answers. You may want to copy these pages to distribute in your local church or use this as a study and reference gUide for the team that is leading the welcoming process in your church. To enable brevity, we have used the te~m "welcoming" to refer to churches in all of our programs. Mark Bowman, Ann B. Day, Brian Knittel, &. Mark Palermo Program Coordinators 1. How does a local church become More Light, Reconciling, Reconciled in Christ, or Open and Affirming? The decision to be a welcoming church can be made by the official deciSion-making body of a local church (administrative board or council in the United Methodist Church; council or congregation in the Lutheran Church and the United Church of Christ; the session in the Presbyterian Church). However, most churches choose to have this decision made by the whole congregation. As part of this decision, a congregation adopts a statement (each program provides a sample) that unconditionally welcomes the participation of lesbian and gay persons in the life of the congregation. They may also specifically include bisexual persons in their statement. This vote is usually preceded by a period of education and dialogue which may take several months or several years. 2. Are we breaking church law by becoming a welcoming congregation? The Open and Affirming Program in the United Church of Christ was developed in response to a resolution passed at the 1985 General Synod which clearly encouraged all UCC congregations to adopt a Covenant of Openness and Affirmation and a nondiscrimination policy. The Social Principles of the United Methodist Church specifically encourage local church ministries with lesbians and gay men. Official United Methodist policy that limits participation of lesbians and gay men in some aspects of general church life (e .g. ordination) does not apply to the local church. The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America restricts the ordination of lesbians and gay men, while encouraging churches to include them in their ministries. In the Presbyterian Church (USA), congregations who become More Light churches choose to dissent from the position of the denomination on ordination of deacons and elders as officers in the local church. This ban on ordination is a result of policy adopted by the 1978 General Assembly, which is in conflict with the Book of Order, or constitution of the church. The More Light decision is made to uphold the constitutional provision that all persons may hold ordained office. 3. Why do we single out lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons to welcome? The welcoming programs highlight the particular situation of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons today because of the blatant discrimination they currently experience in our church and society. In many denominations, lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons are the only social group for whom participation in some aspects of general church life is barred by church law. However, since there are other persons and groups in our society with which our churches must be reconciled, the official welcoming statement adopted by many congregations says that they welcome all persons, "regardless of age, gender, race, ethnic background, mental or physical ability, and sexual orientation. " 4. Why do we have to make a public statement? We already welcome everybody. "Going public" is a critical part of the program to counteract the many local churches and conservative Christians who have been very public about their homophobic actions and statements. The overwhelming perception of the lesbian/gay / bisexual community is that they are not welcome in most churches. Only a public statement can overcome that widespread perception of rejection. Remember Jesus' statement about hiding your light under a bushel. The decision to be welcoming is an event to celebrate. 5. Sexuality is a personal, private matter. Why should we talk about it in our churches? Our Christian tradition teaches that our sexuality is a gift of God to be used responsibly and wisely, as are all other aspects of our human existence. Although many of us have been raised to believe that it's not appropriate to talk about sexuality in church, if we believe that our faith inJesus Christ is all-encompassing in our lives, then we must recognize that our faith touches our sexuality as well. Nothing can remain "private and personal" as long as it is used systematically to exclude an entire group of people. Such discrimination mandates a public statement and discussion. Becoming "welcoming" is about more than sexuality, it's about our understanding Open Hands 10 of the Gospel, and about the community and ministry that arise from it. The real issue is whether our churches are open ·0 all persons. 6. Doesn't the Bible say same-gender sex is sin? Throughout church history much tradition of biblical erpretation has said that same-gender practice is sinful. "e'"er, this tradition has been profoundly challenged by " biblical scholars over the past two decades. Just as the h has changed its interpretation of the Bible regarding social groups and practices over the centuries, so its retation of this matter is undergoing change today. Most believe the Gospels to be the nucleus of our Christian -and the Gospels do not mention homosexuality. Welmg Christians believe that the Gospel's call to love and xample of Jesus' ministry to all persons in his society outweigh an exclusionary tradition built upon the interpretaof a few scattered Bible verses. . If we become a welcoming congregation, will we become an all-gay church? The experience of the 291 congregations who have bee welcoming congregations has been that they have reoed some new lesbian, gay, and bisexual members. Howthey have received as many or more new heterosexual ers who are attracted to an open, hospitable congrega. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons who do come to your egation do that for the same reasons as anyone else -to ip God and to find support in living a Christian life. 'on't this issue split our church? Certainly issues related to homosexuality and bisexuality ighly-charged and can be divisive. However, the intent of programs is to be reconciling, to be empowering. A ...... egation is expected to use an open, consultative process oming welcoming. Care needs to be shown for persons express dissenting opinions. Part of the process is learnow to live in a community with diverse beliefs, sharing ,"ars of responding to those with whom we differ, and lng new options for biblical interpretation. tost churches have found that they have been able to h a consensus (not necessarily unanimity) that they wish o become publicly welcoming. Some have had a few members e,r'-e because of this decision. But most have found their ongregation enriched by the experience of grappling with ch deeply personal concerns in a positive manner. 9. How will having gay members in our church affect our children? Some persons may still equate homosexuality with sexual buse of children. However, pedophilia is a sickness which occurs in persons of all sexual orientations. Pedophilia is not a art of a healthy adult's life, whatever his/her orientation. Other persons may be concerned that openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual adults will recruit or influence children. However, Winter 1993 sexual orientation is determined very early in one's childhood, if not at birth. If a child is gay or lesbian, positive adult role models are invaluable. Most welcoming congregations find that the presence of openly gay, lesbian, and bisexual adults is really a blessing for their children and youth. Parents find that participating in a congregation where human sexuality is discussed honestly and where there are respected gay, lesbian, and bisexual adults is a positive influence on their children. 10" What about "ex-gay" or "transforming" ministries? Some churches have declared themselves to be "transforming," which means that they encourage persons to change from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual. There are two major fallacies in this position, regardless of what you believe about the moral nature of homosexuality or bisexuality. First, these churches require that changing one's behavior is a condition for acceptance into the church. In no other instance in our tradition does a particular behavior bar a person from church membership. Second, no evidence exists that anyone has changed their orientation from homosexual to heterosexual. Some examples exist of persons changing their behavior. Many more exist of personal pain and trauma for lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons who have diligently tried. 11. What does a local church do after officially becoming welcoming? Awelcoming congregation is expected to incorporate ministries with lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons into its ongoing ministries. Many congregations assign responsibility to an existing committee or form a new one. The focus of these ministries will vary, depending upon the resources of the local church and the needs of the local community. Part of the ministry should include making the welcoming decision known in the local community and in the denomination. The congregation is also expected (except in RICs) to have a liaison to its national welcoming program who will assist in communication with other churches in the network and who will interpret the national ministries to the congregation. Finally, the congregation is asked for and may want to provide financial assistance to the national program. 12. What does the national program offer to the local church? The national program provides a support and communications network to congregations who become welcoming and who seek to open their ministries to lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons. Each national program provides assistance and resources (like Open Hands) to its welcoming churches, as well as newsletters and occasional national gatherings. National programs also supply resource persons and/or printed materials to assist congregations that are considering becoming welcoming T 11 These eight churches have shared the stories of their faith journeys and their decision-making processes toward becoming welcoming congregations. While the processes they used may be helpful to you, the steps they took are not requirements! A church beginning this journey will need to find its own path and work out its own process. Resource people in each ofthe national offices are available to consult. Read in sequence, these stories also tell the "bigger story" of the welcoming movement, from the first steps of beginning to talk about gay/lesbian/bisexual concerns; to starting the intentional process ofbecoming welcoming; to making the decision and taking the vote; to continuing the process after the vote is taken. It's a process offaith and a movement toward justice. St. Mark Presbyterian Church Portland, Oregon St. Mark Presbyterian Church in Portland , Oregon is a small, well-educated, close-knit congregation with an activist history. Issues around gay men and lesbian women in the church had not been a topic of conversation for us until the Session was informed about an ecclesiastical judicial matter in our Presbytery, in which one congregation filed a complaint against another for ordaining an openly gay man and lesbian woman as deacons. The members of our Session were shocked that it should even be a matter of discussion, much less of remedial action. Many were not aware of the current policy of the denomination. The Session voted to use the local portion of our 1991 Peacemaking Offering funds to study the issue. We brought Dick Hasbany to a Session retreat to begin the process of reflection and action. He discussed with us the current legislation of our denomination, outlined then-current litigation and showed the video about More Light congregations. We then shared one reason why it would be good for St. Mark to make the move to being more openly supportive of gay men and lesbian women and one reason why it would be difficult or scary. The result? -story telling, laughter, and tears. We heard personal stories -and new things -about our lives, our families, ourjobs, people we love. We shared grief for ourselves, for gay family members and friends, and for the Church. Then Oregon's Measure 9, which among other things would have written into our state constitution that homosexuality is "perverse and abnormal," took our attention. It sparked sermons and discussions regarding homosexuality and civil rights. Our conclusions? We unequivocally stated that our denomination's stance would compel us to vote against Measure 9. We unanimously declared ourselves against the measure, and supported the pastor and several church members in work to defeat the measure. We noted, however the hypocrisy of working for a just society from the midst of an unjust church. After Measure 9 was defeated, our conversation returned to the Presbyterian Church. Our Session is reviewing a possible overture to the General Assembly regarding the Book of Order as the only basis for determining standards for ordination. In a half-day Session retreat we will plan how to proceed with conversations within the congregation. The backdrop of conversation/decisions for St. Mark is not merely intellectual, but relational. This is the congregation of the Reverend Dr. John Anderson (retired professor of religion at Lewis &: Clark College) and the late Sally Anderson, parents of Jim Anderson ( communications secretary for Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns). This is the congregation in which Jim was raised. The Andersons have always been careful to ensure that St. Mark did not deal with issues related to homosexuality as a favor to them. They prayed for the day when we would address homosexuality as a matter of justice, as St. Mark has dealt with other issues (peacemaking, sanctuary, etc.) Open Hands 12 Their participation does mean, however, that for St. Mark as a community, there are personal and relational aspects of the cpnversation. We find that people's rriina}sand hearts are changed through relaho'tship and not through I~" heology. . ..w'; I don't know:#he "right" outcome for s congregation.tt\'~pot a foregone clusion. >.~.»."~~, . ence will be do know that the .:::!-t have begun will not .. Session is committed to continu. he process of talking about our regation's relationship with gay and :In people, and about the theology lity of our denomination . .. Si:::oo, Pastor oj St. Mark Presbyteland Clegg Memorial nited Methodist Church O}~lahoma City, Oklahoma Leland Clegg Memorial United Meth~ Church from its beginnings in 3 has been open to persons from e backgrounds. Its life and misa\-e been characterized by a coment to listen to and respond with ng in ministry to its members' Te'ty. This has resulted in a deep sense of understanding, unity of spirit, and appreciation for the gifts of its mem. ers and friends. Oklahoma City is in the heart of south central conservative fundamentalism where homophobia on the part of heterosexual persons and heterophobia on the part of gay and lesbian persons are deeply ingrained . Resistance to receiving contemporary research is rampant in many denominational attitudes and newspaper stories, as is refusal to acknowledge misinterpretations of biblical data. Clegg Church, however, has been and lesbian persons, hostof Affirmation and areas. In 1990 through pastor and lay began a serious study to ment of Mission which Wab'%fthen adopted at the annual charge conference. The statement addressed the question: What does it mean for Clegg Church to be the Body of Christ in the community and the world? An adult Sunday School class emerged from this study on our mission. Its curriculum is the EcuFilm Questions of Faith. Homosexual persons have been open participants in this class. In 1991 the class was using the tape, "What Has Religion to Do with Sex?" After three weeks of study the class developed a long list of questions which were studied from January 1992 throughJune, 1992. The question of whether or not Clegg church should become a Reconciling Congregation was delegated for future discussion and has been assigned to the Outward Journey Life and Mission area, since we see the issue as one of congregational outreach. In October 1992, our Administrative Council assigned to four persons the task of making recommendations for the updating of our 1990 Statement of Mission. The following paragraph was recommended to Administrative Council: Because of Christ's commission to go and proclaim forgiveness and to make diSCiples of all (Matt. 28: 19; Luke 24:47), we welcome all people into full participation, regardless of age, ethnic origin, gender, sexual orientation, marital status, economic state, reli- Winter 1993 13 gious heritage, handicapping condition, educational level, or any other distinction that may divide the Christian community. In November 1992, our Administrative Council unanimously received this recommendation. Concern was raised that a few persons would perceive this action as giving approval for the church to become a Reconciling Congregation. There was misunderstanding that the recommended study and process had been conducted and completed. The IN MEMORIAM RICHARD E. MONROE Died February 16, 1993 National UMC Staff, 1969-80 Oklahoma Conference Staff, 1980-87 (Fired after identifying himself as a gay man in a magazine article.) new Statement of Mission was unan'mously approved by the Church C ference ecember 6, 1992. proud suc struggle with what it would to become an RCP. T Kathy Leithner, pastor of Leland Clegg. Bill Parker, Lay Leader and delegate to Annual Conference. Richard E. Monroe, member of Clegg Church, an organizer of Affirmation/ Oklahoma City, and active in various AIDS ministries. Walnut Creek United Methodist Church Walnut Creek, California Sunday, June 7, 1992, was a significant day in the life of the church. This was the day set by the Reconciling Congregation Task Force for seriously addressing the question of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. This subject was to be the theme of the sermon at both services, the topic of the Sunday Forum (an adult class), the theme of the keynote address following a potluck luncheon, and the subject of four workshops to be held after the keynote address. The Walnut Creek UMC is a midsized church of 800 members in an affluent suburb of San Francisco and Oakland. It is a family-oriented church, with a reputation for openness and friendliness. Both liberals and conservatives find themselves at home. The church's involvement with the issue of homosexuality started in 1986, when classes were held on human sexuality, homosexuality, and the denomination's stand. InJanuary 1991, four additional forums were held, spurred this time by the up-coming quadrennial UMC General Conference in May 1992, where the report of the Committee to Study Homosexuality would be presented and the Conference would vote again the stand of the denomination to enlarge its membership, and undertook an intensive educational effort. We met monthly, making reports to one another on our findings. We developed a bibliography, assembled ' names of possible speakers, and talked to people in other churches which were already Reconciling Congregations. After our research was completed, the Task Force decided to offer a churchwide "educational event" on what it would mean to become a Reconciling Congrega tion. On June 7, reaction to Rev. Casey Cavallo's sermon was favorable. He compared the situation we are in today regarding acceptance of homosexuals to two prior historical periods when great change was occurring: the Protestant Reformation when Martin Luther took his s against certain practice and Catholic; Church' in Luther hto stand justice. In times like these pastor, we are again challenge to re-think our basic assumptions. At the close of the Educational Ever.' onJune 7, the evaluation was favorable but also cautioned us to "go slow" an to bring people along gradually. In the near future, we will have a speaker 0 Transforming Congregations. We w·. continue to schedule educational event systematically until we feel that it is ar.. opportune time to take the vote. In the meantime, many people have expresse . satisfaction that we are a church wi' courage to face the hard questions. T Marianna Mihills is Chair of Waln ut Cree • Reconciling Congregation Task Force. Trinity Lutheran Church Chicago, Illinois The Pastor's View Trinity Lutheran Church, located the Beverly-Washington Heights neig .borhood on Chicago's south side, is a eighty-five member, pre-------.., dominantly Black parish, which had been without a pastor for two years. Both the church facilities and the morale of the people were in need of rebuilding. Together we worked to remodel and renovate, and a deep Im"e trust, and respect has grown among u as well as a renewed sense of mission ' the community. Together we participated in a pain taking process of self-analysis to establish a renewed grasp of our congregational identity, purpose, and mission This study involved the drafting of a Open Hands 14 mission statement which is now the enterpiece of the brochure which we dlSseminate in the community. In this ~tission Statement, Trinity Lutheran ~lalms: As a community of believers, bap>lZed, forgiven, liberated, and empowered in the Gospel of Jesus Christ . . . we are a worshiping and nurturing church .. . comted ... to be in mission .. . To as St. Palli says, "all things to people," irrclusively and withexception: regardless of one's io-economic er. or sexual orient~tion o be a growif lfYw.t" unity of faith odyi.ng the vision Kingdom of God. .African-American congregations ublicly taken such a stand. Three ics were at work in Trinity eran's process and decision to bee a Reconciled in Christ parish. mclusiveness is imperative to my nderstanding of the Gospel. Seche family at Trinity is made up of ent and empathetic people who live out the Gospel. Third, we through the process of awareand acceptance together. The Decision Came About storal care and the church's welccmmg of gays and lesbians is of deep ance to me. My concern as pasot just theoretical. It is existenause homosexuality is a part of amily experience. Naturally, I ed to share these same concerns sights with my parish, within the xt of the Gospel's mandate of universality and justice for oppressed people. In our Adult Forums we had a lengthy series on the Black experience in America, which brought into theological focus what it means to be an oppressed Suffering-Servant people, and how this can be redemptive for others. This led very naturally into a study of homosexuality, where we noted that evidence indicates that same-sex orientation is primarily physiological in nature. Our study of the biblical texts indicated that very few passages apply in a pejorative way, and where such judgment does occur, the writers had this is the way some reviewed the Lutheran <~ ~~tmphasis which always ,*,j~~. '" places the GiJspel of God's grace in Christ Jesus at the so that the Gospel itself is parse out the theologlc is always applicable) husk (which is not). As St. Atagustme said, when clear and certain reasoning contradicts a passage of Scripture, then we must reinterpret the Scripture in light of it. Luther had the same conviction, as long as the reinterpretation was not contrary to the Gospel. The good people of Trinity listened and discussed and came to the unanimous conclusion that the Gospel, our Reformation underpinnings, and our own humanity, all demand that we be an inclusive and welcoming congregation. Without dissent, this inclusivity, regardless of sexual orientation, was made a part of our Mission Statement. Although gay men and lesbians are still a small percentage of our membership, they are very much a part of the Trinity family, and there is gay representation on our Church Council. No wonder I'm proud to be the pastor at Trinity, and, to my delight, the feeling is mutual. A Lay Leader's View Our pastor brought the issue of becoming a Reconciled in Christ congregation to our church. •Although one member \Vinter 1993 wasn't happy and thought this wasn't something that Trinity should be dealing with, most members felt like I do. As an African-American I've been discriminated against all of my life and I can't see discriminating against anyone else for whatever reason . After our discussion sessions, our 15 church voted unanimously to become Reconciled in Christ. We now have one openly gay person who is generally accepted. I feel that it was very good for the church to do this. I recently asked a friend who is a member of a large Black Baptist church how they deal with homosexuality. My friend said, "we don't talk about it." Yet my friend and I both know that many gays are active in church music and other leadership positions in the church. It's a great gift to Trinity that we're able to talk about this openly. ~ Tom Strieter, pastor of Trinity, Chicago, IL, and a resource person for Synod-sponsored consciousness-raising workshops on Pastoral Care for Gays and Lesbians. Norman Briggs, lay leader at Trinity Lutheran. The Wellesley Congregational Church, VCC Wellesley, Massachusetts Wellesley is an U80-member, predominantly Cauca. · middle class congregation Boston. ship of began · with an "(',,nD"-"" of the issues of being "open and ing" and moved to a new level of seriousness when the Deacons announced at the January 1991 Annual Meeting avoided inflammatory comments. Some stated their disappointment that we were not endorsing services of commitment. Others voiced their approval of a strategy that was clearly trying to take one small positive step which the vast majority could embrace. The congregation's vote for the Open and Affirming resolution was overwhelmingly positive. We have since placed a statement in the weekly bulletin that we are an Open and Affirming their intention to ask the congregation to vote a year later on becoming an Open and Affirming Congregation. By the fall of 1991, the Deacons and the ministerial staff were hearing loud Congregation. Some gay men and lesbians appear to be worshiping here more often and feeling more at home as they do. The few dissenters who have left the church have not had a major negative and substantive dissenting voices about the pending vote. One strategy we used to respond to those voices was my offer as minister to spend time listening to anyone in the church who felt strongly about open and affirming -particularly anyone who felt negatively. My stated intent was simply to listen in depth in an effort to help people feel "heard." We knew we needed to assess how deep and how broad were the negative feelings. We also believed that if those negatives were held by only a small minority, that minority might be more willing to go along with the majority if they felt that someone cared enough to hear them out. Approximately two dozen people took me up on my offer. Some persons were reassured by that visit and have remained strong and active members. A handful were so strongly opposed that they have subsequently dropped their membership. A significant "middle" group stated their support for an open and affirming resolution but their strong opposi . to services of or lesbichapel. o'I[ic0rle that open and affirming J~" :;<Uv'LL to the congregation for vote ut any mention of such services. congregation's Annual Meeting in January of 1992 reflected the careful groundwork we had done. Except for one relatively brief encounter, people spoke openly and honestly but impact on the congregation's spirit, program, or subsequent financial pledge drive. The church seems to have incorporated the open and affirming concept qUietly into our self-image. Open Hands 16 The major foreseeable challenge for -15 what will happen if a request .es for a service of commitment in sanctuary or chapel, where the Board eacons have bylaw responsibilities. ellesley's clergy persons have already ed publicly our willingness to perservices in other spaces.) We are mitted to a congregational meeting ·horization before such a request e acted on positively. Preparing h a meeting, with its new calls h faithfulness and listening, will mportant step for this congrega- B. Abernethy, pastor oj Wellesley, a B.A. Jrom Harvard in 1961, an Jrom Union Theological Seminary in d a D.Min. Jrom Andover Newton cal School in 1983. Congregational Church, C is, Tennessee July 28, 1991, First Congrega·oted to become an Open and ONA) congregation. This was ising move, in some respects! -a church· in the heart of the elt, we realized that God was us to a new and unique witness ... phis, Tennessee: • , • .'< e va st maJon,}{ es are harsh in 01 homosexuality. A ,~ ere gay men and lesbian?lromen ~iMT\ate. But no church had stated ... ,:' that it welcomed gay and lesbipIe fully. small congregation (with Sunship of fifty in 1990), we were to consider an ONA resolution pastoral needs that emerged from :tgregationallife. A lesbian couple r church had gone through an rdinarily difficult year regarding ~. of their children. The judge to even consider evidence, inng extensive psychological reviews ourt-approved psychiatrists. His ment: "They are like drug addicts. don't give custody to drug addicts ,'ou don't give custody to homoals." We, as a congregation, had essed this injustice. Then another lesbian couple asked to have their commitment recognized by the church. We came to realize that our silence contributed to the oppression of gay and lesbian people in our community and within our church. Our resolution to become an ONA church was born out of dialogue on what it meant to stand together as a congregation and to express Christ's love faithfully. Our decision was to take a risk in the name of faith -to do what we thought God wanted us to do in the name of Christ's love. Our love of gay and lesbian friends and family members gave us courage! As we voted, we realized that we were embracing the struggles of an oppressed group of people. We knew that we might be ostracized in the Memphis church comretr eat was a tage of mission and outreac about our legacy of welcoming strangers. (For a time, our church was actually called "Strangers Church" because its membership consisted of the abolitionists who came south to begin schools for the freed slaves.) Older and younger members, straight and gay members, shared together their excitement at being part of such a faith community. As we explore what it means to be an ONA church, new challenges present themselves. We need to find ways of dialoguing with the children of our church about family life in such a way that is inclusive and descriptive of the circumstances of all. We continue to seek ways to share with visitors and new members and to be intentional about ongoing study of the issues. Every consequence of becoming an ONA church has been positive for us. We are more open with each other about all aspects of our lives! We trust each other more. We have witnessed an enthusiasm and a sense of covenant within this church. We have experienced major growth in church membership. All of us -straight or gay- know that this is a place where people genuinely care about us. Here we are more free to share ourselves than in most other environments. Our newest involvement, which we might not have had the courage to do three years ago, is welcoming a refugee family from Somalia -a family of fifteen! Passing an ONA resolution was just the beginning of a whole new venture in faith that has less to do with matters of sexuality than with matters of covenant and faithfulness. We know that living as diSciples of Jesus means that we can't engage in the old status quo patterns and assumptions of our society. We have to allow ourselves to be changed and transformed biJ<;l,od's Spirit -"filS individuals anda~;hl4:llith ·~/P .~ with il, dialogue, make a covenant to love. ~ Cheryl Cornish is pastor oj First Congr'egational and serves as a Trustee oj LeMoyneOwen College. Edina Community Lutheran Church Edina, Minnesota Edina Community Lutheran, a congregation of 550 members, became a Reconciled in Christ (RIC) church on March 19, 1985. ECLC is located in an upper middle class suburb of Minneapolis but attracts members from both Edina and the whole city because of its commitment to inclusiveness. mter 1993 17 Since our vote to become a Reconciled in Christ congregation, we have taken several other steps to keep our commitment before the congregation. We have on display in the church narthex our Reconciled in Christ certificate. Our Mission Purpose Statement, which has a strong statement of inclusivity; including specific reference to sexual orientation, is displayed on the inside cover of every hymn book in each pew. Pastors discuss the congregation's inclusivity and specific involvement in the Lutherans Concerned North America RIC Program. This point is also reinforced in discussions during new member receptions held by the church's evangelism committee in the home of a church member. Internally; . our worship and educational opportunities reflect our commitment to inclusivity. Further, the congregation has consistently supported (financially and via member involvemenl h Lutherans Concerned Twin C~tie~) / i . . ~~\~~ngspan Ministry of St..pat1:~2~'fo1ih1.!.lti<i>nLutheran Church. Edina c~tim\ll1lty Lutheran Church did not become<l\5Gmething "different" per se because it becaI!le an RIC congregation. Rather, tHe diff€,renc shave evolved and still are ev:~l our r, \;, .,0 efforts to try to live out a .~!~'t to what W~t, know to be G~d's love for all of creation. It is a struggle always to learn to be able to respond fully to the fact that God has made us all and that we are all one in Christ. Sometimes, the difference is visible in very concrete terms. Recently the congregation spearheaded a project to involve other RIC congregations in a welcoming advertisement which will run throughout the year in the area's most prominent gay and lesbian newspaper. Edina Community also joins Lutherans Concerned Twin Cities in advertising in the annual Gay Pride week directory (which lists businesses and organiza- More Light Stat~ment tions who are resources for gay and lesbiau>xp in the community.) tegic planning session s Council of Ministers, the , .. ,,,' ,(~nclusivity and specifically the welcoming of gay and lesbian people into our congfegation was identified as one of the "iqeqtifying characteristics" of our congreg~h01i. "0~' f1' Our congregation has '~it"t~~ty~~; a' regular schedule to reaffirm'~~yf',Ji~cision. However, when the Twin Cities Chapter of Lutherans Concerned initiated an effort to bring RIC congregations together, our congregation agreed to have an "RIC REP" initially elected by the congregation at its annual meeting. This was later expanded to two representatives (male and female) also elected at the congregation's annual meeting. Now, this role has been assigned to our entire Care and Counseling representatives each year. Since our openly gay and lesbian members have moved out of town in the last 18 months, we currently do not have any openly gay or lesbian individuals as active members. However, a number of members have relatives or close friends who are gay men or lesbian women. For these members our congregation's commitment to inclusivity is extremely important. We are concerned about attracting openly gay and lesbian individuals into active membership. Our congregationa life was enriched during the time w we had openly gay persons as m bers and we miss them . .. primari individuals with many gifts to s. but also as persons whose pre reminded us of the on-going nee reaffirm an active personal and co rate commitment to inclusivity. T Ray Voss is a member oj the Church Council in charge oj evangelism. He has been an RIC representative. First Congregational Church, VCC Boulder, Colorado First Congregational (750 members) became an Open and Affirming Congregation on October 21, 1987, after a carefully planned educational process that lasted 18 months. We also modified the church constitution to prohibit discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in hiring practices. After making the decision to become an ONA Church, at first we did not do a good job of advertising to the broader c BfJt for an initial ne\ attl as out of feaT • timidity; we ' s$ bur inaction. It have been that weiiw anted to let thi . cool off a bit before ~e did anything' aggressively. Our congregation llQW ~eems m comfortable with the aiversity of op. ion that is characteristic of the United Church of Christ. Those who hold dear their independence and who think the UCC shouldn't make positional statements are learning that their autonomy is not threatened. Some, in fact, stated that although they couldn't bring themselves to vote for ONA, they were very Open Hands 18 it passed! The more traditional quiet in our midst are finding new ect for those who are called to more hetic expression of their faith. And a gay couple can, without hesitastand up in morning worship duri"S and Concerns and ask for rs and support as they attempt to two little boys in spite of a hobic social worker assigned to ase . As they share, they know the egation will minister to and with Fi\'e years ago, that would not . appened! -anous ways over the years, we eaffirmed our ONA decision in1Io.IO~".uug inviting gay choral groups to o ion. , ·ons. -or worship. From time to time, A banner is hung in the sanctuour framed ONA certificate is ed alongside our Just Peace Cer. A supply of our ONA resolu.. :ays available on the narthex re table. We intentionally inform mbers about our ONA status. first new member class, pro-e members '~~'k~iven a folder of s about oul: daurc~;$H~£clus!,ed ely printed ,C(:>t?y"'Jh!llt ElNA The -out this resolution, gr of the process, and now engage in a number of new stries. Two of our clergy particin quarterly Boulder Interfaith HIV/ :--':etwork Prayer Services, providing both leadership and worship space. Church members participate in the citywide Annual AIDS Walk and Candlelight Vigil. Members of our ONA committee and ministerial staff have given presentations to six other churches, describing our process and benefits. Our church has also participated in a panel discussion at CU and in a radio broadcast. Our Board of Missions and Christian Social Action and our Bequest Income Committee commit funds to various gay and lesbian projects . Our Just Peace Task Force is currently strategizing about our response to the passage of Amendment #2. Two lesbian leaders have addressed two of our committees and our Adult Education class about Amendment #2 issues. We have also co-sponsored a paid ad in the Denver Post and the Boulder Daily Camera, which sent messages of support, welcome and solidarity to the gay community. Gay men and lesbians have told us they have come to our church to worship specifically in response to this ad. Our Evangelism Task Force is trying to get the so-called "liberal' tq~Jolks in the community '41 know that "liberal" ex!~t? This is a challenge for those of us who live4~,"~lose proximity to both Colorado sl[tigsand to ultra'~tt\1;r@;';,:."",))*r"~" conservative, ou coach, Bill McCartney. Our congregation 100ks4 reclaiming the Christian vision in the 1990s to enter the 21st century with a strong liberal voice proclaimingjustice and equality for all persons . ... Ray Bieber has been a lay member Jor 13 years and has served as chair oj the Committee on the ONA Resolution, and Moderator oj the congregation.JoAnne Bogart is Assistant ConJerence Minister oj the Rocky Mountain ConJerence UCC and Parish Associate at First Congregational Church. mter 1993 19 The Welcoming Process: A Faith Adventure byAnnB. Day All those in favor, please signify by saying 'aye' . those opposed, 'no'. The motion passes. W ith these or similar words, United Church of Christ congregations adopt "Open and Affirming" (ONA) statements, United Methodists adopt Reconciling (RC) statements, Lutheran churches adopt "Affirmation of Welcome" statements, and Presbyterian churches adopt "More Light" statements. Each of these church declarations welcome gay and lesbian people into the full life and ministry of the church. Some also explicitly include bisexual persons. Weeks, months, or even years of study, conversation, and prayer usually precede such a decision. As a result, it can feel as though the vote itself is the termination of the welcoming process. Afterwards, in the church parking lot, someone may be heard sighing, "Well, I'm glad it passed but I'm glad it's over!" Creating the Inclusive Community Would that the welcoming process could be over after the vote was in, that fears could be allayed and misinformation corrected in relatively short order. My own experience, however, is that unlearning (and learning anew) about sexuality and relationships -and Christian perspectives on both -takes time, probably a lifetime. An initial "reconciling" or other welcoming study process is a Significant step on the way but it is not the whole journey. The vote on a welcoming statement bears greatly needed witness to Church and society that not all Christians regard homosexuality/bisexuality as sin, abomination or disorder. Because local churches in many denominations are willing to speak up and be counted among the welcoming households of Christ's people, many individuals and families have fresh hope that the church can be a spiritual home for them. But if congregations are to keep their promise of welcome, the welcoming and reconciling process must be ongoing. For some churches, the inclusion of people of all sexual orientations in the life of the congregation is nothing new. A number have openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual members who sing in the choir, chair committees, or serve as moderator or pastor. These churches regularly address the life issues of gay /lesbian/ bisexual folks, both their joys and sorrows. Often, such congregations have a history of being affirming, welcoming, and reconciling before they declare themselves officially. For other congregations, the initial ONA, RIC, RC, or ML study is their first in-depth consideration of homophobia, sexual orientation, and gay / lesbian/bisexual experiences. Aftervoting to be welcoming (especially if they have no openly gay, lesbian, or bisexual members), such congregations may need to begin a particularly deliberate process of giving expression to their commitment. However, whether a church is experienced in including persons of all sexual orientations, new to this dimension of creating community, or somewhere in between, the challenge is to find engaging, creative ways to educate, celebrate, and advocate together. Living the Covenant Some churches build this challenge into the text of their welcoming, reconciling statements. For example, Phoenix Community Church, UCC of Kalamazoo, Michigan includes a section called "Living the Covenant." It says in part: To assure that Phoenix's Open and Affirming statement becomes a living document: We will inform the wider church and community regarding our Open and Affirming declaration. We will make ourselves available as a resource to congregations exploring this process. We will respond to bias-related violence discrimination in a visible way when possible and appropriate. We will examine other issues of inclusiveness important to our life as a congregation ... Under the same heading, "Living the Covenant," the United Church in Florida includes the following: We will continue to state in our worship bulletin that UCT welcomes all persons regardless of "age, race, marital status, physical condition, sexual orientation, ethnic or economic background". We will determine together ways in which we might address social justice and other concerns affecting persons of gay, lesbian and bisexual orientation in the wider community. As in all social issues, we will continually examine our experience and how we are living out this covenant. The welcoming vote comes alive in many congregations through the inclusion of gay, lesbian, and bisexual experience and issues in sermons, prayers, church library materials, newsletters, and worship bulletins. Many churches also offer meeting space for a wide variety of groups such as Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG); the local chapter of their denomination's gay/lesbian/bisexual group; gay /lesbian/bisexual AA meetings; or gatherings for youth. Members of some congregations can be seen participating in Open Hands 20 oeal "Gay Pride" marches each arrying welcoming banners. e churches develop concrete exns of their welcoming stance a\'e special meaning within the heir congregation. For example, Thornton Curtz, pastor of the '-Anulllunity for Christian Celebration, " . \ Vashington writes: pink triangle" candle/lamp ed on our altar. (It's a glass mp, triangular in shape and ith pink oil.) We first used en Sally Balmer (a lesbian erial student) was ordained and we bring it out on varicasions when we want to --n our ONA stance. I have an ad hoc member of the ... gton-North Idaho ONA Force. When I've been at larly grueling meetings, I ring the candle out at the 'orship service and talk my feelings/ concerns.l USl\"eness of the church must manifest in word and deed ut, opening doors, expressteeli!1gs. taking further stands in ination, in the community ....~ H.. I it takes to live the covenant. ~'lo.;K.A.luences of Ole Covenant hes considering the weicomprocess often wonder about of such things as pink lamps ar and homophobia discuse parlor. Some folks worry udy process will ignite cone scale of the Civil War; othe that an affirming or "more ill cause an exodus of memresembles a buffalo stampede. such concerns are exaggeralthough they are not totally _OT_••_Aed. rsations about "reconciled in open and affirming," "reconor "more light" can raise prouestions about sexuality, molical interpretation, prejudice, ~~ .1~hips, community, and the naGod. With all that churning in s minds and hearts, it is prob'en desirable, that some passioner 1993 ate give-and-take will occur. Emotions run deep on these matters. It is imperative that the process itself (before and after the vote) continually be as inclusive as possible, encouraging everyone to respect their own feelings as well as those of others. Even the best process, ho\\C~yg.>migh not guarantee a Even Ij¥ou Vote, They May Not Come Churches who have taken an official stand to be open and reconciling sometimes express dismay that more gay, lesbian, and bisexual people have not joined their congregations. This highlights the importance of publicizing a welcoming commitment through your denominational, ecumenical, and local community channels. Get the word out! Also, keep in mind that "you can't tell by looking." Gay, lesbian, and bisexual folks who are not "out" may be attending worship or programs. Like all visitors, it may take awhile for them to feel comfortable or to inquire about membership. It is also true that we who have been rejected by the Church may be cautious about trusting the "welcome" of any congregation, Be patient and let your light shine! Adventure With The Holy Spirit Open dialogue, prayerful reflection, and eager attentiveness to the Spirit of God before, during, and after a "welcoming" vote is important. With each step along the way, new inSights te new questions and challenges. on to examine long-held be-_ f~&,consider information perunknown, people will the growing pains and ()~coming increasingly , gay, and bisexual pastor of Colgational Church, captures the ad) venturouslcl1aractlt of a welcoming pro- demanding, and conflict but it was a l'i?F1 C-Ulole experience of the 'VE:~ent of the Holy Spirit in , Do it with care, and e that it isn't just a matter of taking a vote and being done with it. It will change you and the complexion of your church -but it will be change toward wholeness and truth.3 The welcoming process, as witnessed to by many congregations, can be an adventure of faith which puts us deeper in touch with the workings of the Holy Spirit in our personal and communal lives. Adventure, anyone? .... Footnotes 1, 2, and 3 are from UPDATE '91 (A report from thirty-two ONA congregations about studying, declaring and living an Open and Affirming commitment), ONA Program, United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, June 1991. UPDATE '93 will appear in the summer of 1993. Ann B. Day is an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ. She is a member of United Congregational Church, Worcester, MA, an ONA congregation. As Open and Affirming Program Coordinator for the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, she develops resources, leads educational events and consults with local churches about the ONA process. 21 eJIow. 'W~IlIle 'We?~ 1J1f,~ Directions: As you respond to each of these questions, quickly visualize each situation and give your initial, emotional response. This is confidential; you need only share what you wish with others. ~ ~ ~~ ...... ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ 'ff~ ~0.f2 ~0.f2 ~0.f2 !§ ~§ How comfortable do you feel when . .. ~§ S?§ '""s ~§ 1 ) A friend who is a member of another church asks why your 0 0 0 0 church "Iets gays in?" 2) An AIDS support group is scheduled to meet in the preschool 0 0 0 classroom? 3) The word "bisexual" is said during the sermon? 0 0 0 4) Two men in the pew in front of you are holding hands? 0 0 0 0 5) A lesbian greets you with a hug before worship? 0 0 0 0 6) A man kisses you during the "passing of the peace?" 0 0 0 7) A lesbian is trying to make eye contact with you during Bible 0 0 0 0 study? 8) Two men dance together at a church function? 0 0 0 9) A man "in drag" sits down in the pew in beside you? 0 0 0 0 10) A gay man and a lesbian volunteer to be the youth group 0 0 0 leaders? 11) Two women have their picture taken together for the church 0 0 0 0 directory? 12) Two men engage in flamboyant conversation (are "camping 0 0 0 it up") during the coffee hour after worship? 13) A woman comes to worship wearing black leather pants and 0 0 0 0 jacket? 14) You are asked to take communion to a person with AIDS at 0 0 0 his home? 15) A lesbian is interviewed as a candidate to become your 0 0 0 pastor? 16) A gay men's chorus is invited to sing during your worship? 0 0 0 0 17) Someone suggests that your church school class have a 0 0 0 0 series on bisexuality? 18) Someone designs a banner with a gay/lesbian theme to 0 0 0 hang in your sanctuary? 19) A new hymn in worship includes the words "gay and lesbi-0 0 0 0 an?" 20) A lesbian couple invites you to their anniversary party at a 0 0 0 0 well-known local restaurant? 21) You are asked to distribute flyers in your neighborhood 0 0 0 0 publicizing a study series on racism, sexism, and heterosexism? 22) Two men ask to have a covenant service at your church? 0 0 0 0 23) The morning newspaper has a front-page picture of your 0 0 0 0 church's banner in the gay/lesbian pride parade? 24) A lesbian is nominated to head your church council or 0 0 0 0 session? 25) The children's sermon mentions gay men and lesbians? 0 0 0 0 Open Hands 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 22 WelcoR1i )ng'~Uigrims 1-i9me "" ..,,·i: v.I,,:, :1t:{{.1t/w Mother and Father of us all, thank you for a church that welcomes me as I am. There's something verY.,comf{)rtable and comforting ..., " about being in our san<;tl;J arY~ Watching the deacons set up for C~romunion is like watching farilil~Y' rnetnbers se·t the table for midday Sunday dinner athome. The familiarity of the candles, the cup and the bread,,, th~~' flowers A all offer a sense of home. Dear God, beingllfyvith yq:~l) is You, the forgiving' father' who welcomes me\at the door ~i~h' a hug. You, the nurturing ~other ,'0 it who holds rf1:i on~er lap and rocks mefilenfly to sleep. I feel safe. I feel as if t Thank you; I pray for lesbiaQ} throughout the C~, ~i'Eh Who need such a mifil~t,,"' pf~, eC5mpassion, , support, ana a'diY'oc but mostly get rejection'i~:nd isolafi'on. er 1993 23 WELCOMING PROCESS RESOURCES The process of becoming a welcoming congregation usually includes a time of study and discussion within the local church. There is no definitive gUide or step-by-step process that your church should undertake. The process in each congregation is different -depending upon the history, structure, theology, and style of ministry of your church. In order to help you tailor the educational plan for your local church, we offer a variety of resources which other congregations have used. How Would You Respond? Many churches feel they are welcoming and don't understand why there is a need for an aNA statement. This paper contains responses to that "why" from UCC people of all sexual orientations. $1. Open and Affirming: An Ongoing Process. Notes on how to get aNA started and keep it going in your church. $1. Update '91 -Open and Affirming Churches in the UCC. A report from 32 aNA congregations about studying, declaring, and living an Open and Affirming Commitment. $2. What Is an 'Open and Affirming' Church? Statement by the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns on what it means to be an "aNA" congregation. $1. Why Do We Have to Do This? A member of one aNA church shares numerous reasons why congregations should declare themselves "aNA". $2. More Light Churches Resource Packet. Includes a draft mission statement; ML brochure; article on "What More light Churches Can Do"; sample ML statements, case studies; 1978 background paper on "The Church and Homosexuality"; 1985 RTC Decision against Westminster (Buffalo); quotes from the Book of Order; reference list; study guides; "Breaking the Silence." $16. More Light Churches Network brochure, January 1993. Describes the network structure and defines what a ML congregation is, and how a congregation can become one. Free. A Call to Dialog. 10 pp. Lutherans Concerned's position paper and discussion of homosexuality. $1.50. Plan of Action. 20 pp. Description of the RIC Program for use by Lutherans Concerned chapters and individuals interested in working to develop RIC congregations. $2. Reconciled in Christ, Now Is the Time. Pamphlet. Introduces the RIC Program. $.10. A Biblical Basis for Reconciling Ministries. (Resource Paper # 1) 2 pp. Reprint of article by Dr. Joseph Webber from the first issue of MannaJor the Journey (now Open Hands). Single copy free with SASE; multiple copies $.10. Homosexuality and the Church: A Select Bibliography. (Resource Paper #4) 1991. 6 pp. Annotated bibliography of books for studying lesbian/ gay concerns in Christian context. A few titles given under 16 different topics. Single copy free with SASE; multiple copies $.25. How to Become a Reconciling Congregation. (Resource Paper #2) 4 pp. Introduces Reconciling Congregation Program and process of becoming an RC. Single copy free with SASE: multiple copies $.20. Why Become a Reconciling Congregation? (Resource Paper #3) 4 pp. Provides rationale for becoming an RC. Single copy free with SASE; multiple copies $.20. STUDY RESOURCES And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue about the Church and Homosexuality. Ann Thompson Cook and the Task Force on Reconciliation of Dumbarton UMC, 1988, 20 pp. An honest and friendly booklet that answers a Christian's basic questions about homosexuality. Ideal resources for individuals or groups beginning to explore lesbian/gay concerns. Two-session leader's guide available. $4.95; 10+ copies $3. Add 15% postage/handling. From RCP, 3801 N. Keeler Avenue, Chicago, IL60641. Beyond Heterosexism. Sourceletter published six times/yr. Includes articles, suggestions for children, youth and adult study, liturgies and more -all based on seasons of Christian year and inclusive language lectionary. $18/year. (Colorado residents add 6.8% tax). From AlterVisions, PO Box 2374, Boulder, CO 80306. 303/ 666-8322. Breaking the Silence, Overcoming the Fear: Homophobia Education. Articles on clarifying the problem, biblical/theological perspectives, models for homophobia education. Guidelines for homophobia education events. Bibliography. 71 pp. $4. Order from Presbyterian Publishing House, 100 Witherspoon Street, Louisville, KY 40202-1396.800/ 227-2872. Open Hands 24 Homophobia Be Cured? by Bruce Hilton. Nashville: Abingdon ess, 1992, 128 pp. United Methodist provides basic informal"! for compassionate response to homosexuality. Deals some speCific United Methodist concerns. In question-and-anr format. Good for group or individual reflection. $lO.95. ians and Homosexuality. The Other Side. Evangelicals espouse er acceptance oflesbians and gay men. Reprint of articles by .a Scanzoni, Mark Olson, John Alexander, and others. $5; 3.50; lOO+ $2.50. From The Other Side, 300 W. Apsley eet, Philadelphia, PA 19144. 215/849-2178. rso ns. iful Inquiry: Exploring Christian Responses to Homosexual Minnesota Annual Conference (UMC) Task Force to ~. Ministries with and for Homosexual Persons. 1992.58 pp. -session curriculum: 1) Talking about sexuality in church; 2) mg in someone else's shoes; 3) Sexual orientation;'4) Interng scripture; 5) Examining homophobia; 6) Models for try. $5 from Minnesota Annual Conference, 122 W. Franklin Minneapolis, MN 55404. 612/870-0058. .\1y Hand by Patricia Ann Meyers for the Task Force on nciling Congregations/Conference of the Oregon-Idaho 'erence, UMC. 1990, 68 pp. Practical, five-session study for congregations and groups investigating reconciling stries. $5 plus 15% postage/ handling. From RCP, 380l N. er Avenue, Chicago, IL 6064l. -.1-tobia is a Social Disease. Mary Jo Osterman and the Kinheart am On Sexuality and Homophobia, 1987. 45 pp. Explores ature and cycle of homophobic oppression and offers nmg suggestions for gay/lesbian/bisexual persons and hetxual persons alike to work on breaking down the walls of .95. (Colorado residents add 6.8% tax). From AlterVisions, x 2374, Boulder, CO 80306.303/666-8322. )..'Uality and the Church by James B. Nelson. Lutherans erned. lO pp. Reprint of article from Theological Markings . from LC/NA, P.O. Box lO461, Fort Dearborn Station, o. IL 6061O-046l. sexuality A Sin? Parents and Friends of Lesbians and 23 pp. Catholic, Jewish, and Protestant theologians speak ri~atively about what the scriptures do and don't say about sexuality. Question-and-answer format. $.75 each; lOO+ .60. From PFLAG, p.o. Box 27605, Washington, DC --605. 202/ 638-4200. HCrylOSexual My Neighbor? by Letha Scanzoni &. Virginia _~!nIlenkott. San Francisco: Harper &. Row, 1978. Excellent introto the concerns of lesbians and gay men and the d".3llenge for ministry to this marginalized group. Free study lO for book and study guide) prepared by New Hamp47. Conference, UCC, p.o. Box 465, Concord,NH 03302. 605/ . ~ Silence Breaks: Toward a Pastoral Understanding ofHomolity. Six-part study guide. $2.95 (#69-7075). Companion (IIAV-7075 ): $7.50 rental. From ELCA Distribution Service, x 1209, Minneapolis, MN 55440. 800/328-4648; 800/ 53. rIssues Concerning Homosexuality. $2. (#69-5326). From 0 ', Distribution Service, p.o. Box 1209, Minneapolis, MN ~:I. 800/328-4648; 800/752-8153. (MN). Guide for Study of Issues Concerning Homosexuality. Free. -·3082). From ELCA Distribution Service, p.o. Box 1209, eapolis, MN 55440. 800/328-4648; 800/752-8153. (MN). r 1993 Welcoming Congregation Program Manual. Unitarian/ Universalist Association Office for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, 1990. Comprehensive resource book with introductory information for UUA congregations, outlines of workshops, and other program ideas for local congregations. $24.95 + $2.50 handling from UUA Bookstore, 25 Beacon St., Boston, MA 02108. 617/742-2lO0 x lO1. Where Do We Go From Here?Open and Affirming Task Team of the Massachusetts Conference, UCC . Six-week study packet. Covers gay/ lesbian issues in the UCC, homophobia, homosexuality, and the messages of Scripture. $12 (check payable to "MACUCC"). From ONA Resources, p.o. Box 403, Holden, MA 0l520. West Hollywood Presbyterian Audio-Cassette Series. Includes speeches by John Boswell, George Edwards, Chris Glaser, Dick Hasbany, Brian McNaught, John McNeill, Virginia Mollenkott, James Nelson, John Spong, Robin Scroggs. Order from: West Hollywood Presbyterian Church, 7350 West Sunset Blvd, Hollywood, CA 90046.213/874-6646. Who's Going to Birth This Baby? Sermon by Rev. Jane Spahr (November, 1992) at Downtown United Presbyterian. Rev. Spahr's response to the PermanentJudicial Commission provides words of hope and inspiration. $2.00 plus handling. Order from: That All May Freely Serve, c/ o Downtown United Presbyterian Church, 121 North Fitzhugh St., Rochester, NY 14614. 716/ 325-4000. BACK ISSUES OF OPEN HANDS Back issues of Open Hands provide a solid foundation for group or individual study of lesbian/ gay /bis~xual concerns in the church. Each issue of Open Hands explores a different theme. The following back issues are available from: Open Hands, 380l N. Keeler Avenue, Chicago, IL 60641. Single copies $5; lO+ $3 each. "Be Ye Reconciled" (Summer 1985) "A Matter ofJustice" (Winter 1986) "Our Families" (Spring 1986) "Our Churches' Policies" (Summer 1986) "Images of Healing" (Fall 1986) "Minorities within a Minority" (Spring 1987) "Sexual Violence: Unlocking the Silence" (Fall 1987) "Building Reconciling Ministries" (Spring 1988) "Living and Loving with AIDS" (Summer 1988) "Sexual Ethics: Exploring the Questions" (Winter 1989) "Called to Create: Lesbians &: Gay Men in the Religious Arts" (Spring 1989) "In, Out, or In Between: The Closet Dilemma" (Summer 1989) "Images of Family" (Fall 1989) "Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/ Gay Christian Movement" (Winter 1990) 'Journeys Toward Recovery and Wholeness" (Spring 1990) "Confronted By Love: The 'Holy Union' Controversy" (Fall 1990) "Youth and Sexual Identity: New Vistas" (Winter 1991) "Living as God's Creation: Lesbian/ Gay Reflections on Theology (Spring 1991) "Celebrating our Sisters and Neighbors: The Lesbian Spirit" (Summer 1991) "Bisexuality: Perceptions &: Realities" (Fall 1991) "Creating Alliances: Lesbian/ Gay, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Persons Working Together for Change" (Winter 1992) "Living God's Call: Lesbians, Gay Men, and Bisexuals in Ministry" (Spring 1992) "Our Spirituality: How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It" (Summer 1992) "Aging and Integrity" (Fall 1992) 25 VIDEOTAPES An Unexpected Journey. Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays-Denver, 1992. 29 mins. Shows families dealing with the "coming out". of loved ones; the pain of lesbians, gay men, and their family members, as well as the joy of reconciliation. Purchase: $30. From PFLAG-Denver, P.O. Box 18901, Denver, CO 80218. 303/333-0286. A Time for Caring: A Pastoral Approach to Persons with AIDS, The Lazarus Project, 1989. 37 mins. Shows how West Hollywood Presbyterian responded to concerns and needs of PWA'a within their congregation. Study guide. $23. From The Lazarus Project, West Hollywood Presbyterian Church, 7350 West Sunset Blvd, Hollywood, CA 90046. Be True to Yourself. 21st Century News, 1991. 28 mins. Interview with Bob &: Rod Jackson-Paris and ten teenagers about growing up gay, self-love, and homophobia. Includes 36-page Educational Strategy and Resource Guide. Purchase: $29.95 + $3 postage. From 21 Century News, inc. 1880 E. River Road, #310, Tucson, AZ 85718. 602/577-6476. Casting Out Fear: Reconciling Ministries with Gay/Lesbian United Methodists. Reconciling Congregation Program, 1987. 38 mins. Examines pain and estrangement of gay and lesbian Christians and provides steps that United Methodists are taking to enable ministries of reconciliation among persons of differing sexual orientations. Leader's guide available. Purchase: $50; Rental: $20. From RCP, 3801 N. Keeler Avenue, Chicago, IL 60641. 312/736-5526. Choosing Children. Cambridge Documentary Films, Inc., 1984.45 mins. Looks into issues faced by women who become parents after coming out as lesbians. Reflects the variety of ways that lesbians are becoming parents and raising children through focUSing on six families from diverse racial and ethnic backgrounds. Study gUide available. Purchase: $139; rental: $65. From Cambridge Documentary Films, P.O. Box 385, Cambridge, MA 02139. 617/354-3677. Journey of the Heart, ECUFlLM, 1992. 58 mins. Focuses on racism and homophobia as obstacles on the spiritual journey and enables us to face our fears, be transformed, and find freedom. Features the Riverside Church in NYC and the Downtown United Presbyterian Church, Rochester, NY. $39.95. From ECUFILM, 810 12th Avenue, South, Nashville, TN 37203. 800/ 251-4091. Listening, Learning, LOving, Parents and Friends of Lesbians and GaysDetroit, 1989. 30 mins. A look at the "coming out process from the viewpoint of parents, as well as discussion on the "coming out" process of parents. Talks of the difficulties encountered during these processes as well as newfound relationships which develop. Purchase: $17. From PFLAG-Detroit, p.o. Box 145, Farmington, MI 48332. 313/478-8408. Maybe We're Talking About a Different God: The Church & Homosexuality. Produced by John Ankele and Ann Mackson, 1992. 29 mins. Features Jane Spahr. Coni Staff and members of the Downtown United Presbyterian Church as they experience homophobia in the denomination as a result of Spahr's call to be co-pastor at DUPC Affirms the celebrative lives of gay/lesbian persons and calls the church to be the inclusive community of faith for all God's children. $22.35. From Leonardo's Children, 26 Newport Bridge Road, Warwick, NY 10990. More Light Churches: Obedience, Ministry, Justice. 1989. 27 mins. DeSigned for initiating and directing discussions in churches which are thinking about making a More Light commitment. Study guide. $25. From More Light Churches Network, c/o Mark A Palermo, 600 West Fullerton Parkway, Chicago, IL 60614-2690. No Need to Repent. Ann Alter, 1989. 27 mins. A glimpse into the life of Rev. Jan Griesinger and how she has integrated her ministry, her politics, and her personal life as an ordained United Church of Christ minister, active feminist, and an out lesbian. Purchase: $225; rental: $75 + $15 shipping. From Women Make Movies, 225 Lafayette Street, New York, NY 10012. 212/925-0606. On Being Gay. TRB Productions, 1988. 80 mins. A conversation with Brian McNaught, speaking about what his gayness has meant to him. Helpful for beginning to explore issues related to homosexuality. Purchase: $39.95 + $3 shipping. From TRB Productions, P.O. Box 2362, Boston, MA 02107. 617/236-7800 (Ron). Open and Affirming: AJourney of Faith, Easy Brothers Video Productions, 1992. 53 mins. The story of three United Church of Christ congregations becoming "Open and Affirming," answering questions such as "Why make such a statement?" and "What are the biblical foundations for this ministry?" Purchase: $25. From ONAVideo Resources, UCBHM/ DAMA, 700 Prospect Avenue, Cleveland, OH 44115-1100. Parents Come Out. Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. 27 mins. Purchase: $25. From: PFLAG, P.O. Box 27605, Washington, DC 200287605. 202/638-4200. Pink Triangles. Cambridge Documentary Films, Inc., 1983. 35 mins. Examines homophobia and the nature of discrimination and oppression through historical and contemporary patterns of persecution. Includes discussions with health care providers, parents and educators. Study guide available. Purchase: $300; rental: $50. From Cambridge Documentary Films, p.o. Box 385, Cambridge, MA 02139.617/ 354-3677. Reconciling. St. Francis in the Foothills UMC, 1991. 25 mins. Tells the story of this congregation becoming a Reconciling Congregation and what that has meant to their church family. Purchase: $20. From Jon Stetson, St. Francis in the Foothills,4625 E. River Road, Tucson, AZ 85718.602/ 299-9063. Reunion. One Family Overcomes Religious Homophobia. 21st Century News, 1992. The Rev. Carter Heyward, a lesbian and ordained Episcopal priest, and her family share their stories of reconciliation. Purchase: $19.95 + $3 shipping. From 21st Century News, 1880 E. River Road, #210, Tucson, AZ 85718.602/327-9555. Scared to Death: Gay Youth Suicide, The Lazarus Project, 1992. 28 mins. Thirty percent of youth suicides in the USA are sexuality-r~lated: deals with various issues and proposes ministry of caring. $23. From The Lazarus Project, West Hollywood Presbyterian Church, 7350 West Sunset Blvd, Hollywood, CA 90046. Sexual Orientation: Reading Between the Labels. NEWIST, 1991. 29 mins. Provides basic information on sexual orientation as it relates to youth; gives a firsthand view of what lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth experience in growing up. Study gUide available . Purchase: $195; rental: $50 + $2.75 shipping. From NEWIST/CESA #7, IS 1110, University of Wisconsin, Green Bay, WI 54311. 414/465-2599. Sticks, Stones and Stereotypes. Equity Institute, 1988. 30 mins. Videocurriculum module deSigned for use with youth. Developed to give young people an understanding and appreciation of difference through focusing on name calling and viewing homophobia as it relates to other oppressions. Includes a Curriculum Resource Guide (in English and in Spanish) to facilitate discussion and provide accurate information. Purchase $325 + $6 shipping: 48-hour preview: $25 + $6 shipping. Resource Guide only: $20 + $2.50 shipping. From Equity Institute, 6400 Hollis, # 15, Emeryville, CA 94608. 510/658-4577. What's Religion Got to Do With Sex?EcuFilm, 27 mins. From Questions oj Faith III series. Addresses the Judeo-Christian perspective on sexuality, ministry to nontraditional relationships, and responses to homosexuality. Study guide available. ·From EcuFilm, 810 Twelfth Avenue S., Nashville, TN 37203. 800/251-4091; 615/242-6277 (TN). Open Hands 26 ote Marks New Era for .an and Gay Christians o'---J edQe Cheny ooded with emotions when\: of the National Council of "' ..~_.. ~.'-s ,~CC) meeting in Cleveland !TIber. 1 feel anger and sorrow 'CC board members, fearful 'CC would be destroyed by connection to openly lesbi,. Christians, voted 90-81 to ..e-yer status to the Universal -=--:.,. ~.lipof Metropolitan Community _~-:-.=mes (CFMCC). 1 feel joy and pride after the vote, lesbian/gay afChristian groups jOined with C leaders and seized control of meeting to tell our stories. ler to get into heaven than to observer at the NCC ," said . ancy Wilson, UFMCC Chief ... -...........·-:al Officer, who, when invited after the vote, added that the reached "an all-time low" in n-year relationship with .\ 'ilson concluded by leading _ for Our Lives" as protestors r.ners and lined up at the mi~--~""es. For the next hour, we took ating our personal struggles gotry in the Church. The 'ere men and women of variand ethnic backgrounds. They _~-........'-" national leaders of UFMCC zen lesbian/gay caucuses, many minations in the NCC. abounded in the events sur... the vote. UFMCC requested tatus not to provoke a conut in order to let go of our to have the NCC affirm the -. "_·""'ous 1982 decision of its MemCommittee that UFMCC was for membership. Observer stah is held by Muslim and Jewps and the Unitarian Universociation, confers only the nity to attend meetings and 'nh the chair's permission. By ng official observers, we ex- r 1993 pected to formalize the status that UFMCC has enjoyed for the last decade. UFMCC representatives have attended all NCC General Board meetings since 1982 as "visitors," a category with no official standing; we have spoken at those meetings and participated fully in some NCC program units. Thus there was a surreal quality to the fear provoked by our observer status request. Behind the scenes, NCC leaders talked with us at length about withdrawing our request. On the floor of the meeting, the NCC Membership Committee recommended taking no action because "the very existence of our forty-year ecumenical partnership is at stake." Our supporters moved to grant UFMCC "the privileges but not the title" of observer status, causing the lesbian and gay group at the visitor's table to laugh in disbelief: "The status that dare not speak its name?" "The status that dare not speak its name7" The four hours of debate on UFMCC observer status comprised the most extensive and honest discussion of homosexuality ever held by the NCC. The basic objection was voiced clearly by Very Rev. Leonid Kishkovsky of the Orthodox Church in America: "Even observer status, the lowest category of participation, implicitly signifies approval of the (homosexual) lifestyle." Artticipating Orthodox opposition to observer status, the NCC instituted a new procedure for denominations to register official dissent from an NCC General Board action. Ironically; official dissent ended up being registered by UFMCC supporters: the United Church of Christ, United Methodist Church, and Swedenborgian Church. The vote has continued to stir controversy in at least two NCC member denominations. The national board of Integrity mounted a campaign within the Episcopal Church calling for the replacement of Rev. William Norgren as ecumenical officer and four other delegates who voted against observer status. In response, Presiding Bishop Edmond Browning and Ms. Pamela Chinnis, president of the House of Deputies, sent a letter to NCC General Secretary Joan Campbell "to register in a formal way that, had we been in attendance, we would have spoken in favor of and voted for the granting of observer status to UFMCC". UCC delegates voted unanimously in favor of observer status, but some members want further action. They distributed an information packet on the observer status vote to the 500 attendees of a UCC pastors conference in Florida inJanuary. The title page quotes UCC President Paul Sherry's words during the NCC debate: "Unity without integrity is no unity at all." Then it states, "Great words, Paul! Are they deserving of decisive action ... or more words?" The packet discusses possible UCC responses, including withdrawing money from the NCC. For UFMCC, the months since the vote have been a time of deep reflection and discussion about our relationship with the NCC. Our long-term vision remains the same: We do not need NCC approval, but NCC members need to hear of God's activity in our midst. We must witness to all people -including church authorities -who have not yet heard the good news that God loves everyone, regardless of sexual orientation. We will not go away. UFMCC's approach will become much more pro-active. We are determined to set the terms and tone for our interaction with the NCC and its members. We claim God's promise as spoken by the prophet Hosea: "1 will show mercy to those who were called 'Unloved,' and to those who were called 'Not-My-People' I will say, "You are my people." Rev. Kittredge Cherry is Field Director of Ecumenical Witness and Ministry for the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, a denomination of the lesbian and gay community, open to all, with 265 churches in 17 countries . 27 Welcome New Congregations In this inaugural issue of our ecumenical Open Hands we continue our tradition of introducing congregations that have recently joined the movement -now broadening to include those in our different denominations. Here are introductions to new Open and Affirming and Reconciling Congregations. Fair Oaks UMC Fair Oaks, California Fair Oaks UMC is located in a suburb of Sacramento, which is perceived as an affluent community, although in actuality it is a mixture of persons with wealth and others close to poverty. The community reflects the mindset of a state capital -bureaucratic and conservative. The congregation of about 300 members was established on its current five-acre site in the 1950s. The congregation has a strong tradition of living out the Gospel in its community. In recent years the congregation has focused on "looking for healing ways to relate to our community," notes Pastor Steven Smith. A counseling center, "A Healing Place," has been established. Its symbol is a Native American medicine bundle. Other ministries include making quilts for homeless persons and taking birthday cakes to children at the juvenile hall. First Congregational, UCC Williamstown, Massachusetts Pastor Arnold Thomas describes this 400-member congregation as one that is "trying its best to address the hard challenges of being the church in the world today -moVing beyond its own immediate comforts to minister with others." This commitment is lived out locally and globally through a variety of mission programs. In its immediate community, the congregation supports Habitat for Humanity, food pantries, educational opportunities for ethnic minority persons, women's shelters and numerous other projects. Its involvement in the wider world includes an annual local church delegation exchange with a congregation in the Ukraine through the Bridges for Peace program. First Congregational is also in the process of establishing relationships with Hungarian Reformed churches in Romania as well as partnerships with urban congregations in the u.s. First Congregational, UCC Vancouver, Washington This 102-year old congregation is the only UCC church in Vancouver, on the outskirts of Portland. Pastor Farley Maxwell says that the church has "a history of being open to a wide range of concerns and a willingness to discuss and act on new ideas." Hunger, housing and sexual abuse are among the community concerns addressed by funds and volunteers from this 245member church. As a result of its ONA study, the congregation now sponsors and provides meeting space for a chapter of Parents and Friends of lesbians and Gays (P-FlAG). Holy Trinity UMC Danvers, Massachusetts The slogan of this 600-member congregation is "A Fellowship of Concern." Reflective of this, the congregation's ministries feature a large number of small group activities. Their strong commitment to social concerns.includes sponsoring a young Palestinian in college, a sister relationship with an African-American congregation, and involvement in a local housing partnership. Holy Trinity's strong church school and music (five choirs) programs are supplemented by several Bible study and prayer groups. An Affirmation group was formed five years ago as a support group for lesbian and gay members and their families and friends. Although the vote to become an RC last November is only one step on the journey, there have been positive results already, notes Pastor Bob Hannum. A visitor who came because of the vote on the following Sunday is now attending regularly, along with several other new persons. Mayflower Community Congregational, UCC Minneapolis, Minnesota A metropolitan congregation of 350 urban and suburban households, Mayflower will soon celebrate a merger with Faith United Church of Christ. Strengthened in numbers and spirit, the congregation will continue its ministries which include partnership with a local African-American congregation, a nursery school and dining program for seniors. Rev. Bud Friend-Jones says, "We're a 'regular' church .. . and part of being a regular church is being Open and Affirming." To get the word out about gay, lesbian and bisexual issues, the church maintains a prominent resource table and has produced a reader's theater production called "Mayflower Voices" which shares life experiences of gay, lesbian and bisexual people. An ONA Committee is currently forming and will help create new ONA programs and outreach. Milwaukie UCC Milwaukie, Oregon In its mission statement, Milwaukie uec declares, "We open our hearts and minds to the gUidance of the Holy Spirit to grant our church the vision and courage to meet the needs of people in a changing world." Rev. Art Buck speaks enthusiastically about the church's efforts to meet needs generated by the AIDS pandemic. The congregation is working with sister churches to open the first Assisted living Facility for parents living with AIDS while raising minor dependent children. Related ministries include offering worship services for healing and assisting families in making panels for the AIDS Quilt. A congregation willing to share its information and experiences with other churches, Milwaukie U CC is also committed to furthering its own education on "political issues that involve hate attacks and hate crimes, the oppression and restriction of the rights of All people, and issues affecting older adults." Open Hands 28 Partview Congregational, UCC rado Parkview Congregational was ed in 1960, Aurora's popula20,000. Today, due to boundes and growth in the Denver nearer 250,000. According to -h Hyde, that hasn't changed -egation's commitment to be ~---·-lty oriented" -it's just a bigc!1ge. The church supports 10rams concerned with mental naway youth, senior day care, ..Iter for battered women. .y, in response to passage of s "Amendment 2," this conn joined three other UCC in placing an ad in the local message to the gay, lesbian xual community was simple: ,rou and welcome you to our and stand with you in the ustice. Rev. Hyde reports, ''The --.....~... <"o was wonderful." Congregational, UCC 'ashington ed in 1899, Pilgrim Congrehas a long history of serving ounding community. The 120church houses and adminisPilgrim Referral Center which ersons with food, shelter, and eds. rding to the pastor, Randall -the church has been engaged ian/ gay issues since the late T"here has been a steady nurturime so that when we took the te, the church had been pracfor eight years. Still, we felt we o go on the record with our :nent," said Rev. Mullins. Second Church in Newton, UCC ewton, Massachusetts :owing suburban congregation members, Second Church mainstrong mission outreach through ancial support and personal inrnent of its members. There is a ng sense of the importance of ers' participation in local com, concerns. Believing that it is rtant for a pastor to model such .ter 1993 involvement, Rev. Mal Bertram serves on the local Crime Commission and the Comprehensive Health Education Curriculum Task Force which is developing sex education materials for the Newton schools. The congregation reaches out to the community in worship as well. It was instrumental in creating the area's annual Interfaith Thanksgiving service in 1992 and hosted the 25th celebration in honor of Martin Luther King, Jr. University Park UMC Portland, Oregon Now in its 103rd year, University Park is implementing a new five-year vision statement which strives to be "more inclusive and a vital presence in the community." Becoming a Reconciling Congregation was another step toward inclusiveness for this congregation with members ranging in age from infancy to 97 years, of diverse racial backgrounds, and of differing physical abilities. University Park's trademark, notes Pastor Karen Crooch, is that it is a "warm, loving, open congregation." University Park's 105 members are engaged in an active community ministry, housing a "meals on wheels" program, scouting, and several twelve-step groups. Several members work at a local homeless shelter. Wesley Foundation serving UCLA Los Angeles, California Although some UMC congregations which are related to campus ministries have voted to become RCs, Wesley Foundation serving UCLA is the first UMC campus ministry to become a "Reconciling Ministry." A subcommittee of the Wesley Board drafted a "Covenant of Reconciliation" which was reviewed and debated at a full Board meeting last October, followed by an .overwhelmingly supportive vote. The Wesley Foundation has been serving the UCLA community since 1928. It serves to "present the Gospel of Jesus Christ as relevant to personal crises, academic excellence, social justice and community service." Lutheran Church Installs Gay Pastor First United Lutheran Church, an RIC congregation in San Francisco, became the first Lutheran church to install an openly gay pastor, The Rev. Jeff Johnson, onJanuary 23. The congregation installed Johnson, recognizing that they risked expulSion from the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA). First United and St. Francis Lutheran, also in San Francisco, were suspended for five years by the ELCA inJllly, 1990, after First United ordained Johnson as assistant pastor and St. Francis ordained Ruth Frost and Phyllis Zillhart, a lesbian couple, as assistant pastors (see Open Hands ,Winter and Summer 1990). The intent of the five-year suspension of First United and St. Francis was to give the denomination and the congregation time for further study. If, at that time, the denomination has not changed its policies or the congregations have not rescinded their actions, then the congregations would be permanently expelled from the denomination. First United congregation president, Laura Smith, was quoted as saying, "We considered the possibility of expulsion when we had our congregational meeting to vote on this. After the long process that we had to go through, we decided that Jeff was qualified and matched what our community was needing as a spiritual leader. We would like to stay affiliated with the larger church body, but if we can't follow what our Christian belief is with them, then we need to follow it without them." Johnson expressed his pride in the congregation's stand "to be part of a community that would risk its connection and its life to stand with an oppressed people." Presbyterian Church Hires Spahr as Evangelist Downtown United Presbyterian Church, a More Light congregation in Rochester, countered its denomination's rejection of its call to Janie Spahr as a pastor (see Open Hands, Fall 1992) by 29 MORE LIGHT CHURCHES ANNUAL CONFERENCE T~~~~?~~~~:::~::::t:hurCh six other Presbyterian worshipping communities across the country were planning to express their solidarity by participating in a common "Service of Worship for Empowerment" on or about that day. Contributions to support 'That All May Freely Serve" can be made to DUPC, 121 N. Fitzhugh Street, Rochester, NY 146l4. UMs Call to Move General Conference from Colorado FollOWing Colorado's passage of Amendment 2, (barring the state from adopting civil rights protections for lesbians and gays and rescinding such laws already in place), in November hiring her for a new mission project. Under the project, "That All May Freely Serve," Spahr will speak with Presbyterian groups around the country over the next three months regarding ordination of lesbians and gay men. The project is intended to bring pressure upon the Presbyterian Church's June 1993 General Assembly to change official policy on ordination. The congregation's hope is that the General Assembly will make provision to allow it to once again consider calling Spahr as co-pastor. Downtown Presbyterian commissioned Spahr to this new ministry in a special service on March 6. About forty1992, Colorado United Methodists Against Discrimination was formed to ask the United Methodist Church (UMC) to relocate its 1996 General Conference from Denver. Spearheaded by the pastor, members, and friends of St. Paul's UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Denver, the group is collecting signatures on petitions from UMs around the country requesting the move of the General Conference. Its action was quickly joined by the Methodist Federation for Social Action. Several other UMC groups including the Board of Directors of the Reconciling Congregation Program also have voted to support this effort. Letters and resolutions regarding this issue can be directed to the chair of the Commission on the General Conference, John J. Thomas, P.o. Box 194, Brazil, IN 47834, for consideration at its meeting later this spring. For information on the petition drive and related activities, contact the Rev. Toni Cook at St. Paul's UMC, 303/832-4929 . .... YOUTH EMPOWERMENT SPEAKOUT for lesbian, gay, and bisexual youth: Saturday. Youth create their own national agenda. Call Jenie Hall at the American Friends Service Committee, 215/241-7133, or Daena Peterson at the LA Gay & Lesbian Community Services Center, 213/993-7458. Open Hands 30 da. LIST OF WELCOMING CHURCHES nce 1978, 291 More Light (Presbyterian), Open :\ffirming (Disciples of Christ and United Church Cr.nst), Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran), and (,!"Iciling (United Methodist) congregations have ly declared that they welcome all persons, dmg lesbians and gay men. These "welcoming" ~hes are in 34 states, the District of Columbia, and Following is a complete list of the congregations, alphabetically by state and city. The affiliation of each congregation is designated by the following codes: ML More Light (Presbyterian) ONA Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ) O&A Open and Affirming (Disciples) RIC Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran) RC Reconciling Congregation (United Methodist) e Foothills UMC (RC) r egational (ONA) 'C (RC) na Congregational (ONA) the Good Shepherd Luth. (RIC) Park ~,,,,. Presbyterian (ML) Church of Belmont (ONA) rd of the Hills (RIC) e,e... eley & Richmond Intercity . istry (O&A) ,'s Presbyterian (ML) erd of the Hills Lutheran (RIC) UMC (RC) :ersity Christian Church (O&A) ~.. .'ersity Lutheran Chapel (RIC) -':.ad Congregational (ONA) ,........~s ~::;r Oaks UMC (RC) . Presbyterian (ML) regational UCC (ONA) cod Cong oUCC (ONA) University (ML,RC) .....iey Foundation UCLA (RC) its~re UMC (RC) CIty 5t Andrews Presbyterian (ML) sto lege Avenue Congo (ONA) ,ark Iy Redeemer Lutheran (RIC) 'mter 1993 North Hollywood St. Matthew's Lutheran (RIC) I Oakland Faith Lutheran (RIC) Lutheran Peace Fellowship (RIC) Montclair Presbyterian (ML) Peace UCC (ONA) St. Paul Lutheran (RIC) Palo Alto Covenant Presbyterian (ML) First Evangelical Lutheran (RIC) First Presbyterian (ML) University Lutheran (RIC) Richmond Grace Lutheran (RIC) Sacramento Luth. Church of Our Redeemer (RIC) San Diego First Lutheran (RIC) San Francisco Bethany UMC (RC) Calvary UMC (RC) Christ Church Lutheran (RIC) First Congregational UCC (ONA) First St. John's UMC (RC) Hamilton UMC (RC) Noe Valley Ministry (ML) Seventh Avenue Presbyterian (ML) St. Francis Lutheran (RIC) St. John's UCC (ONA) St. Mark's Lutheran (RIC) St. Paulus Lutheran (RIC) Trinity UMC (RC) SanJose Christ the Good Shepherd Luth. (RIC) First Christian Church (O&A) San Mateo CollegeHeights UCC (ONA) San Rafael Faith Lutheran (RIC) Christ in Terra Linda (ML) Santa Barbara La Mesa Community (ONA) Santa Monica Church in Ocean Park (RC) Sausalito First Presbyterian (ML) Sherman Oaks Luth. Church of the Redeemer (RIC) Sunnyvale Congregational Community (ONA) St. John's Lutheran (RIC) Tiburon Shepherd of the Hills (RIC) Westminster Presbyterian (ML) Vacaville St. Paul's UMC (RC) West Hollywood Crescent Heights UMC (RC) West Hollywood Presbyterian (ML) COLORADO Aurora Parkview Congregational UCC (ONA) Boulder First Congregational UCC(ONA) Denver Capitol Heights Presbyterian (ML) Park Hill CongoUCC (ONA) St. Paul's UMC (RC) Washington Park UCC (ONA) Ft. Collins St. Thomas Univ. Luth. (RIC) CONNECTICUT Covent;y Second Congregational (ONA) Mansfield Center First Church of Christ Congo (ONA) New Haven Church of Christ in Yale Univ. (ONA) United Church on the Green (ONA) South Glastonbu;y Congregational (ONA) Waterbu;y South Congregational (ONA) DELAWARE Newark New Ark UCC (ONA) DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington D,C. Augustana Lutheran (RIC) Christ Lutheran (RIC) Christ UMC(RC) Community of Christ Lutheran (RIC) Dumbarton UMC (RC) First Congregational (ONA) First Trinity Lutheran (RIC) Georgetown Lutheran (RIC) Reformation Lutheran (RIC) Westminster Presbyterian(ML) FLORIDA ' Tallahassee United Church (ONA) Tampa John Calvin Presbyterian (ML) St. Timothy Lutheran (RIC) GEORGIA Atlanta Clifton Presbyterian (ML) Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC (RC) HAWAII Honolulu Church of the Crossroads (ONA) Luth. Church of Honolulu (RIC) ILLINOIS Carbondale Church of the Good Shepherd (ONA) Champaign McKinley Memorial Presbyterian (ML) St. Andrew's Lutheran (RIC) Chicago Albany Park UMC (RC) Augustana Lutheran (RIC) Christ the King Lutheran (RIC) Christ the Mediator Lutheran (RIC) Holy Trinity Evangelical Luth. (RIC) Irving Park Christian (O&A) Irving Park UMC (RC) Lake View Lutheran (RIC) Lincoln Park Presbyterian (ML) Mayfair UMC (RC) Parish of the Holy Covenant (RC) Peoples Church (ONA) Resurrection Lutheran (RIC) St. PaUl's UCC (ONA) Trinity Lutheran (RIC) United Church of Rogers Park (RC) University Church (ONA, O&A) Wellington Avenue UCC (ONA) Evanston Hemenway UMC (RC) Wheadon UMC (RC) Maywood Maywood House Church (RIC) Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC (RC) Good Shepherd Lutheran (RIC) Wilmette First CongoUCC (ONA) Winfield Winfield UMC(RC) INDIANA Bloomington Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) Indianapolis Northeast UCC(ONA) IOWA Ames Lord of Life Lutheran (RIC) Des Moines Trinity UMC (RC) IowaCity Faith UCC (ONA) Luth. Campus Ministry, Uof Iowa (RIC) KANSAS Kansas City ecumenikos (ML, ONA, O&A, RC) LOUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC (RC) MARYLAND Baltimore First & Franklin Presbyterian (ML) St. John's UMC (RC) 31 St. Mark's Lutheran (RIC) Lanham Good Samaritan Lutheran (RIC) Rockville Rockville Presbyterian (ML) MASSACHUSETTS Amherst First Congregational UCC (ONA) South Congregational UCC (ONA) Boston Church of the Covenant (ONA, ML) Cambridge First Church, Congregational (ONA) University Lutheran (RIC) Danvers Holy Trinity UMC (RC) Framingham Grace UCC (ONA) Osterville United Methodist Church (RC) Roxbury Church of the United Community (ONA, O&A) Shrewbury Mt. Olivet Lutheran (RIC) Wellesley Wellesley Congregational (ONA) Wendell Wendell Congregational UCC (ONA) West Newton Second Church in Newton UCC (ONA) Williamstown First CongoUCC(ONA) Worcester United Congregational UCC (ONA) MICHIGAN Ann Arbor Churchof the Good Shepherd (ONA) GuildHouse (O&A) Lord of Light Lutheran (RIC) Memorial Christian (O&A) Northside Presbyterian(ML) Detroit Truth Evangelical Lutheran (RIC) Douglas Douglas Congregational UCC(ONA) East Lansing Ecclesia (O&A) Kalamazoo Phoenix Community UCC (ONA) Ypsilanti First Congregational UCC (ONA) MINNESOTA Edina Edina Community Lutheran (RIC) Minneapolis Community of St. Martin (RIC) First Congregational (ONA) Grace University Lutheran (RIC) Holy Trinity Lutheran (RIC) Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) Lyndale UCC (ONA) Mayflower Comm. CongoUCC(ONA) Our Savior's Lutheran (RIC) Prospect Park UMC (RC) Spirit of the Lakes (ONA) Walker Community UMC(RC) Wesley UMC (RC) Northfield St. Olaf College (RIC) Robbinsdale Robbinsdale UCC (ONA) St. Cloud Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) St. Paul St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran(RIC) Wayzatta St. Luke Presbyterian (ML) MISSOURI Kansas City KairosUMC (RC) St. Mark's Lutheran (RIC) St. Louis Gibson Heights United (ML) Springfield First Congregational (ONA) University City Bethel Lutheran(RIC) NEBRASKA Omaha First Lutheran(RIC) NEW HAMPSHIRE Plymouth Plymouth Congregational (ONA) NEW JERSEY South Orange First Presbyterian &Trinity (ML) Trenton Prospect Street Presbyterian (ML) NEW YORK Brookhaven Old South Haven Presbyterian (ML) Buffalo Westminster Presbyterian (ML) Churchville Union Congo UCC (ONA) Craryville Craryville UMC (RC) Dobbs Ferry South Presbyterian (ML) Grand Island Riverside Salem (ONA) Henrietta John Calvin Presbyterian (ML) Marcellus First Presbyterian (ML) New York (Brooklyn) Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian (ML) Park Slope UMC(RC) New York (Manhattan) Central Presbyterian (ML) Church of St. Paul &St. Andrew (RC) Good Shepherd-Faith Presb. (ML) Grace &St. Paul's Lutheran (RIC) Jan Hus Presbyterian (ML) JudsonMemorial (ONA) Metropolitan-Duane UMC (RC) Our Savior'sAtonement Luth. (RIC) Park AvenueChristian (O&A) Riverside (ONA) Rutgers Presbyterian (ML) St. Peter's Church (RIC) Washington Square UMC (RC) West-Park Presbyterian (ML) Oneonta First UMC (RC) Rochester Calvary St. Andrews (ML) Downtown Presbyterian (ML) The House Church (ONA) Third Presbyterian (ML) Snyder Amherst Community (ONA, O&A) NORTH CAROLINA Raleigh Community UCC(ONA) NORTH DAKOTA Fargo University Lutheran Center (RIC) OHIO Brecksville United Church of Christ (ONA) Columbus Redeemer Lutheran (RIC) Third Avenue Community (RC) Cincinnati Mt. Auburn Presbyterian (ML) Dayton Congo for Reconciliation (ONA) Norton Grace UCC (ONA) Toledo Central UMC (RC) OREGON Ashland United Church of Christ Congo(ONA) Corvallis First UMC (RC) Estacada Estacada UMC (RC) Milwaukie Milwaukie UCC (ONA) Portland First Congregational (ONA) Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) Metanoia Peace Community (RC) St. James Lutheran (RIC) University Park UMC (RC) PENNSYLVANIA Kutztown Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) Philadelphia Calvary UMC (RC) First UMC of Germantown (RC) St. Michael's Lutheran (RIC) Tabernacle United (ONA, ML) Univ. Lutheran of Incarnation (RIC) SOUTH DAKOTA Erwin Erwin UCC (ONA) TENNESSEE Memphis First Congregational UCC (ONA) Nashville Edgehill UMC (RC) TEXAS Austin First English Lutheran (RIC) Trinity UMC (RC) Dallas Bethany Presbyterian (ML) Fort Worth St. Matthew's Lutheran (RIC) Houston Bering Memorial UMC (RC) VERMONT Bennington Second Congregational (ONA) Burlington Christ Presbyterian (ML) WASHINGTON Chelan Fullness of God Lutheran (RIC) Federal Way Wayside UCC (ONA) Leavenworth Faith Lutheran (RIC) Medical Lake Shalom UCC (ONA) Mountlake Terrace TerraceView Presbyterian (ML) Olympia Comm. for ChristianCeleb. (ONA) Seattle Broadview Community UCC (ONA) Capitol Hill UMC (RC) Central Lutheran (RIC) Findlay Street Christian (O&A) Pilgrim Congregational UCC (ONA) Prospect UCC (ONA) Richmond BeachCongo UCC (ONA) University Congregational (ONA) Wallingford UMC (RC) Vancouver First Congregational UCC (ONA) WISCONSIN EauClaire University Lutheran(RIC) La Crosse Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) Madison First Congregational (ONA) University UMC (RC) Milwaukee Cross Lutheran (RIC) Metro Milwaukee Campus Ministry (RIC) NewHope UCC(ONA) Plymouth UCC (ONA) Reformation Lutheran (RIC) Village Lutheran (RIC) Racine Our Savior's Lutheran (RIC) Sheboygan Wesley UMC (RC) CANADA Saskatoon Kingof Glory Lutheran (RIC) The Third National COTM>Cation of RecOnciling Congregations Borne on the Breath of od Remembering· RenewingReforming· Returning July 8-11, 1993 George Washington \Jnivaosity Washington, D.C. Open Hands 32 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 8 No 3 - Welcoming Churches: A Growing Ecumenical Movement https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/12234bcac358fb5f76d29796d0bf788e.pdf d3b96cdea1d19c00b678510fa3fbc2ba Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 8 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1992 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Text Any textual data included in the document "/s your heart true to no/ heart as mine is to yours? .. 1J it is, gIVe me your hand." 2 Kings 10: /5 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbiam and Gay Men Vol. 8 No.2 Fall 1992 4..tS"1rJ. .... Aging and: Integrity $5.00 : I Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. as a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Each issue of Open Hands focuses on a particular area of concern related to gay men and lesbians within the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches that publicly affirm their miniSlrY with the whole family of God and welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ/Disciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist), Supportive Congregations - (Brethren/Mennonite) and Welcoming and Affirming (American Baptist) congregations - offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the Reconciling Congregation Program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Information about the program and these resources can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago,ll60641 Phone: 312 / 736-5526 Fax: 312 / 736-5475 2 Reconci ling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Fall 1992 FOCUS OF THIS ISSUE: Aging and Integrity ..... .... ... ....... ... ... .......... .................. 3 IN THE STRUGGLE: AGING AND AGEISM Aging: The Process and the Dilemma ... ..... .... ........ .... ..... ........ ...... ......... .. 4 Mary Jo Osterman Definitions ................ ......... ................................... ..... .... ................... 5 Aging, Heterosexism and Ageism ...... ....... .. ...... ... ..................... ........ ......... 6 Del Martin Ageism Is ............... ....... .... ....... ..... ... ..... ...... ................. ................. 7 Legal Terms & Documents .... .......................................................... 7 An Older Gay Male Couple Ponders Growing Old ........ ........ ................... 8 Alex Marin & Jay Bowles VOICES OF THE ELDERS Reflections from a Retired Minister .................... ... ..... ............. .............. 10 Peggy Gaylord with Bill Boyce Out at Fifty .......................... ...... .. ...... ....... ..... ... ...... ....... .... ..................... 12 Jeanne Barnett Grandma Is a Lesbian ................. ... ............................... .............. ............ 13 EWe Charlton For United Methodists-To-Come .............................................................. 14 Keith Chalmers 1 Once Was a Liar ....... ....... ............ ... ..... ... ... ..... ...... ..... ............ ................ 15 David J. Biviano Living an Honest Life .. .. ............... ...... ..... ..... ... ... ..... ... ..... ...................... 16 Ardelle Pearsall In Remembrance of a Dear Friend .............. ... ............................ .... . .. 17 Anonymous Organizational Sampling ....... .................. ..... ... ...... .. ....... ........ ...... 17 SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT Anniversary: A Story-Sermon and Song ........... ...... ........ ... ...................... 18 John Sumwalt RESOURCES ..................................................................................................... 20 RCP REPORT ......... ........... .................... ....... .. ................ .. ................................. 21 Welcome New RCs ............. .... ... ..... ............ ..... ... .... .. ..... ..... ....... .............. 21 Presbyterian High Court "Sets Aside" Spahr Call ...... ... ..... ..................... 22 Changes in Open Hands ....... ............................................... ... .... ... ... 23 RCP Board Launches Annual Campaign ..... ..... ...................................... 23 List of Reconciling Congregations .. ..... ..... ... ..... ... .......... .......... ............... 24 Open Hands Aging and Integrity Old gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals are everywhere. If we estimate that 10 percent of the U.S. population is gay or lesbian, then approximately 3.1 million gay men or lesbians over sixty·five years of age live in the U.S. No solid estimates are available for the number of bisexual women and men, but any such estimates would raise the 11 million figure even higher. Where are these older lesbians, bisexuals, and gay men? They are among the most invisible, voiceless, nameless members of our society. How does growing old affect this mostly invisible group? In this issue of Open Hands, we explore some of the aspects of being old in a heterosexually dominant society. The first sect ion, "In the Struggle" includes three articles which examine the nature and tasks of old age and the existence of ageism in our SOCiety. The second section of the issue is devoted to "the voices of the elders." Seven authors share some of the realities of their lives and renecL on their journeys. We seek to give visibility to our elders' joys and pains, needs and concerns. Signs of strength and endurance are woven into these histories and hersLories. Seeds of change spring from their hopes and visions for the future. LiSLen to the voices. Upcoming Theme Issues Deadline for Issue Year Focus Unsolicited Manuscripts Winter 1993 Strategies and Stories for the January 1, 1993 Reconciling Movement Spring 1993 Christian Family Values February 15, 1993 Summer 1993 Exploring Biblical Issues April 15, 1993 which Impact our Ministries Fall 1993 Counteracting the Religious June IS, 1993 Right Winter 1994 Worship Resources for our August 15, 1993 Mmistries If you are interested in writing for one of these issues, please send a query leuer outlining your article idea. Writer's gUidelines are available. Write to: r",n 1992 OH Editor Reconciling Congregation Program 3801 N. Keeler Chicago, IL 60641 Reconciling Con9'"9"tion Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Ednor Mary Jo Osterman This Issue's Co-Coordinators Jeanne Barnen Ellie Charlton Cover & Illustrations laurie Sucher Layout I Graphics I Typesetting In Print - Jan Graves Opcm Hands is published four limes a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues (S20 oUlside the Uniled Siales). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are S3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters 10 the editor, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and inrormation, and other correspon· dence should be sent to: Open Hands 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, Il 60641 Phone: 312 / 7)6·5526 Fax: 312 / 736-5475 © 1992 by Ihe Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered lrademark. Winner 1992 Award of Merit for "General Excellence" The Associated Church Press. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 * Printed on recycled paper. 3 Aging. What images come to mind? The answers will vary depending on the age and life experiences of the hearer. The lTUlh is, aging begins at the moment of birth. The increasing number of candles on the birthday cake, year after year, mark a child's journey toward independence, self-identity, and responsibility. Aging for children and youth means growth toward maturity. But for middle and older adults aging rarely signifies simply growing older and more mature. It ceases lO be understood as a process; it pOinls to an arrived at, flXed time of life. Old. \Vho Is "Old'? Those who work with lhe subject of aging struggle La define "old" but almost universally admit that there can be no clear definition. Does it have to do with physical functioning? Then perhaps old might be defined in terms of active-old, elderly, and frailelderly. Does old have LO do with chronological age? Some geronLOlogists (see box) name three levels of life in older adult years: young-aging, middle-aging, and elderly-aging. Does old have to do with society's perception of age? Then the most descriptive tenns might be pre-retirement and post-retirement years. Human beings defY such neat categorizations. We are much lOO complicated to be so precisely packaged. Our years may put us in one category, our health in another, and our emotional and mental states in still another. Nevertheless, as we attempt to comprehend the aging process we find it necessary and helpful to continue to use the undefinable tenn, uold.ft What we do know is this: At some point in the life-cycle there is a gradual and almost imperceptible shift in our mental image of "aging." No longer does aging bring to mind positive images of gain. Rather it begins to 4 by Mary ]0 Osterman carry the negative message of loss: loss of job, loss of health, loss of friends, loss of spouse, loss of income, and loss of place in society. We may first glimpse this shift as we experience the aging and death of parents. Soon we begin to nolice telltale signs of aging in ourselves, and we become acutely conscious of our own mortality. From that moment 011, aging ceases to be an academic subject or the life experience of others. It becomes our own personal journey even though we may be years or even decades away from becoming ~old old" or "frail-elderly.ft The Tasks of Later Adulthood Every stage of life has its own unique tasks which must be resolved, its own hurdles which must be cleared, and its own dilemmas which must be analyzed and conquered. Children work on gaining a sense of trust and a sense of being able lO perfonn new skills. Children also work on the issue of being connected and being detached from others. Youth and young adults focus on issues of identity and intimacy. Developmental theorists (see box) have described the tasks of later adulthood in a variety of ways. One theorist has suggested that the central task of later adulthood is simplificalion: learning to distinguish the less important from the more important; eliminating the less important; and using thinking, feeling and action energies for the more important. For another theorist the key task is adju.stment Some of the realities to which older adults must adjust include decreasing physical strength and general health, retirement and reduced income, death of friends and loved ones, and possible change of living arrangements. For psycho-social developmental theorist Erik Erikson the key word for the last stage in the life-cycle is integrity. Erikson says the task of lhis final stage is two-fold: to be, through having been; and to face not being. 1 Whatever else one may think of Erikson's theoretical fonnulations l the aging population understands the relevance of this last stage, which he names «Integrity versus Despair." Every older adult knows that the crisis of older adulthood is whether one will end life feeling good or feeling depressed and worthless. Older adults know that when the tasks of middle adulthood have been completed, the identity question must once more be ansv.rered: ~Who are we now?" In early and middle adulthood, we fonned relationships, created a home, raised children, developed friends, refined employment skills and set career goals. Now the relationships may be over, any children we had are grown and on their own, employment has ceased by either forced or voluntary retirement, and we are in the process of redefining who we have become. The next great inevitable task of life will be to face our own "not being" But before that time we look back at our "having been" and ask, "So, how did we do?" Idealry. the outcome of our life journey is integrity. If we are not able to stry "It was good!" we may fall into despair. Ideally, the outcome of our life journey is integrity. We want to be able to look back, see what we have done and who we have become, and be able to accept the "having been" with joy and affirmation. If we are not able to say «It was good!" we may fall into despair, wishing life had been Open Hands [ different. yet knowing that there is not enough time left to stan over with different choices. A newly retired college professor wrote in her Christmas leuer: ~What I hadn't counted on was a strange sense of 'identity crisis' I suppose they call it, with no bells calling me to class or chapel - a new wilderness all my own to be weathered through, along with relentless re-evaluating of my professional years." After naming two friends who had died, she goes on to say, "I feel like a struggling pine in a lonesome place where two mighty oaks have fallen." This woman's words are a classic illustration of one who searches for integrity in older adulthood: Who am I now? How did 1 do? How do I face "nOI being"? Being Old and Gay: The Dilemma Older adults, then, all face the tasks of simplifying life. adjusling 10 changed physical, emotional and mental realities, and resolving the crisis of integrity versus despair. These tasks <Ire not simple for <lnyone. But for some <lging g<ly men, lesbians, and bisexuals, older aduhhood brings <In added dimension - a further dilemma or crisis imposed by a hetcrosexisl social order. Lesbians, bisexuals, and gay men long to be honest, to gain integrity; but their search is made more difficult by the oppression oj a homophobic culture. Lesbians, bisexuals, and g<ly men long 10 be honest, to g<lin integrity; but their search is made more difficult by the oppression of a homophobic cullUre. If they respond to their feMs of rejection and punishment by hiding their sexu<ll identity in an attempt to avoid the p<lin of discrimin<ltion and prejudice, they compromise their search for integrity. If they forthrightly seek imegrity by being honest about their sexu<ll orient<ltion, they risk Fall 1992 society's punishments which may include loss of home, family, friends, income, or professional reputation. Yet they must meet the crisis of integrity versus despair he<ld-on if they <Ire to resolve the dilemm<l fully. The tension old gays, lesbians, and bisexuals face is vividly expressed in the poem «I Once Was a Liar~ (page 15) I once was a liar My whole life balanced precariously on a lie. The resolution of that tension is also vi.vidly expressed in «Living an Honest Life" (page 16): I'm happier than I've ever been because 1 am living an honest life. The pull toward integrity is very strong at any age, but it is especially powerful in old age. To gain integrity some gays, bisexuals, and lesbians will risk home, family, income, friendships, and hard-won profeSSional reputations built over a lifetime. Others will find ways to resolve the dilemma without risking all. For still others, <I compromise with integrity will be forged. As one author (page 10) in this issue shared, YAfter I'm gone, they can know . .. I've left papers in my files ... It won't matter to me anymore." It's a compromise - in the midst of a hostile world - that has its own internal sense of imegrity. DEFINITIONS New Being and Not Being Old age is nO[ only a time for solVing crises and dilemmas, but also for venturing into new experiences <lnd exploring dimensions of oneself that one hadn't had time to do before. The stories of the elders in this issue are full of examples of life going on joyfully. New facets of the older adult's "being~ emerge as she or he has more leisure (<lnd perhaps for the fortunate few, more discretionary income) for learning, travel, making friends, having fun. In short, older adults of <Ill sexual orientations are still ~being," still becoming all that they hope to be. Old age is also that time when adults must face that ultimate experience of "not being" Death - whether our spouse's or our friends' or our own - comes ever closer La us. Part of seeking integrity is coming to terms with the meaning of existence. Just what is life all about? Wh<lt does it me<ln th<lt we have lived on this earth for Sixty, seventy or eighty years? What does it mean La "not ben? What does our faith tell us" Such questions and reflections know no sexual orientation boundaries, except as they are tied to how well <I person has been able to resolve the integrity issue. Ageism: "Prejudice and discrimination directed toward persons based on a "be.lief that,~ person's worth and abilities are determined solely by chronolog1cal age. (Ourselves, Growing Older, p xxii) Developmental Theorists: scientists who study human growth over the life span and who <lssume that persons progress through orderly stages which involve distinct I<Isks. Gerontology: the scientific study of aging and the problems of the <lged. ~eterosexism: Prejudice <lnd discrimination directed toward persons SImply because they are gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Integrity: a sense of completeness, soundness, and rightness; ''<In acceptance of one's one and only life cycle with no basic regret that it should have been otherwise." (Hiltner, Toward A T1teology of Aging, p. 159). Compiled by Editor 5 What If? Reaching toward integrity may be a smooth journey or a rough one. Integrity may be fully or only partially realized. Honesty with the world may be hard-won or painfully rejected. Yet most lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals (as most heterosexuals) manage to lead meaningful, productive lives. That this is more difficult for those in oppressed groups is one of the tragic facts of twentieth century life. But what if our culture wasn't ageist? (see box) What if children, youth, and adults of all ages were equally valued? What if old women were as valued as old men? What if old women didn't lry to ~pass " as younger in order to forestall discrimination, Isolation, or rejection? And what If our culture wasn't heterosexist1 (see box) What if all persons, regardless of their sexual orientation, were valued for who they were and how ethically they lived their lives? What if all lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals over nfly risked being honest? What if we could write the story of our lives like the storyteller who wrote "Anniversary" (page lB) so that in the end everyone was convinced, and everyone could live happily ever after? '" 1 Erik Erikson, Identity and the Life Cycle. New York: Norton, 1959, 1980, pp. 104·5; 178. 2 Carol Gilligan, 1t1 A Different Voice. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1982, ch. I. 6 i$5utS oj coming our, homophobia and htfcroscxism. -& AGlb]SMi -- By Del Martin Lesbians have been blaZing trails in anti-oppression activism for decades. Those of us who have reached old age - in or out of the closet - are survivors. We have been inventing our lives in various phases - learning how to turn negatives into positives. Old age is no exception. We recognize ageism as another hurdle in our H\."l!S, along with helerosexism. On "How Not to be a Bag Lady" ~ Phyllis and I went to a Community College seminar on ~How Not To Be A Bag Lady In Your Old Age.~ As usual it was geared for heterosexual women. One tOpiC of concern to us was how to protect the other if one of us was stricken with a catastrophic illness. A lawyer [rom Legal Services for the Elderly explained that a married couplc would have to spend down to the limit of cash assets allowed before Medicaid would kick in. He said the family home would be left intact as long as the ~spousc" resided there. We asked, UWhat about us - a lesbian couple whose home is held in joint tenancyr He had nOl been asked that question before. He paused a moment, poiming out that, no matter the longevity of our relationship (now thirty-nine years), legally we are strangers! ~In your case you'd probably have to sell half the house." We decided it was time to update our wills. We also found it necessary to draw up powers of anorney for decisions regarding health and financial mallers in case one or the other was incapacitated. We had always kept our bank accounts and other assets in joint tenancy, but after the "bag lady" seminar, we divided most of them into separate living trusts so as to protect each other from being wIped out completely in case of a catastrophic illness. That's eight legal documents to cover what is laken for granted by married couples. That's heterosexism at work. On Overcoming our Ageism The West Coast Celebration By and For Old Lesbians held in 1987 changed our lives significantly. Participation \vas limited to lesbians sixty years of age or more. The organizers chose that age "because the degree of oppression is greater beyond mid-life, after sixty, when most of us know what it is to be perceived as 'old'." Our first breakthrough in the conference was openly admilling our age on our identification badges. We reclaimed the word old in its positive sense just as we had done with the teons lesbian and dyke. Old denotes chronological age, a stage of life which can be a beginning, tying up loose ends. learning and changing, doing things we had always wanted to do but never seemed to have the time, creating new endings. We refuse the lie that it is shameful to be an old woman. Many participants in the old lesbians' conference had never before given thought to ageism and how it affected them. Some could not Open Hands differentiate between natural aging and the unnat ural practice of ageism. Page Smith, in his column Coming OJ Age, highlights a form of ageism seen in the temptation to blame old age for a hosl of Ihings nOI necessarily connected with il at all. ~ l t is a vice indulged in," he said, "especially by the 'new old' men and women in their sixties and seventies who are relatively inexperienced at being old . One example Smith used of ageism is people's response to memory lapse. Most people who are unable to recall a name or date would suy readily, "Il will come to me if I don't try. Just give me a moment I feel so fooli sh." But when it happens 10 someone old, there seems to be an irrepressible impulse to say, "1 can't remember. I know it so well. I must be gClIlng senile." That's blaming old age, Smith poimed OUl.l Having had our consciousness raised by the old lesbian conference and by Smith, PhylliS and I are learning to say, "I have a lot more data in my unconscious mind's computer. Today it must be on overload. II will come to me." The Value of Aging Page Smith also bemoans the host of experts who counsel and AGEISM IS . .. advise us on what to do to cope with or triumph over old agc as though, ultimately, that wcre possible. In the process they distract us from using old age as a way of coming to terms with the meaning of existence. As old lesbians we refuse to look al this phase of lire as a terminal disease. We acknowledge that death is inevitable. We acceptlhal. But we aren't about to sentence ourselves to death row. There is too much to do, too many new adventures to experience. Besides, Phyllis and I have a date for New Year's Eve 1999 to see Ihe new century in. 'Y 1 ExcerptedJrom a speech given at Ihe conference "Diversity Wilh a Difference: Serving 3 Million Aging Gays and Lesbians", sponsored by the American Society On Aging. June 22, 1992. 2 Page Smith, "Coming OJ Age", Sa" Francisco Chronicle. "This Worlel" Sunday Supplement, June 25, 1989. ©1992 LyMllr Associates Used with permission. DEL MARTIN IS a co-founder of Daughters of Bilifis, co-author of Lesbian Woman, a rId a prou.d old lesb!an of 71 . using "old" as a derogatory term and "young" as a compliment · .. tnviahzing an old person's anger as ~feisty" and a younger person's anger as "appropriate and assertive" , . speakmg of old women as "complaining" or ~crotchety" or "difficult" or "witchy" · .. categorizing old men as "dirty~, old gay men as "aging queens", old women as "grandmother", and old lesbians as "old dykes" · .. dismissing old persons' concerns about arthrilis or heart attacks, but talking constantly aboUl premenstrual syndrome or "tennis elbow" saying "you don't look that oldn · .. seeing all old people as ailing and failing and out of touch . lelling ageist comments go because the speaker didn't really "mean it that way" Fall 1992 Compiled by Editor Sources. look Me In The Eye OlOC brochLlre OurSelves, Growing Oilier ~ Legal Tenns & Documents WILL: a document stating who is to receive your assets after your death. : ~IVING TRUST: a way of holding the : title to your home and other assets that enables your estate to bypass the probate process after your death. Avoids costs and delay and protects your privacy. Living trusts are contested less often than wills. ESTATE: all the "stuff" you own: home, car, household furniture, savings accounts, stocks and bonds, etc. PROBATE: a court procedure of six months to two years in which your will is filed with the court and becomes a public record. Probate requires an inventory and appraisal of your estate. Probate fa.....-yers· and executor's fees are a percentage of the gross value of the estate. DURABLE POWER OF ATIORNEY FOR HEALTH CARE: authorizes someone to make health care decisions for you if you cannot. Customized DPAs will allow you to grant hospital visitation. indicate specific life-sustaining treatment choices, authorize someone to maintain your home, care for pets, claim personal belongings, and arrange burial or cremation. CONSERVATORSHIP: appointment by the court of a guardian for you. In naming a guardian, the court will follow a set of priorities (spouse. adult child, parent, sibling, niece or nephew . . . any other person or entity). Unneccesary if you have signed durable powers of attorney. LIFE INSURANCE BENEFICIARY: If you name "my estate" and have a will, proceeds go through probate rather than being paid directly and quickly to your beneficiary. NAN L. GOODART, an attorney in Sacramento, CA, who focuses exclusively on estate planning, trusts. wills, gift and estate taxation. and probate matters, She has written Who Will It Hurt When I Die; A Primer on the Livjng Trust, 1992. Order from Honor Bound Books. 916/422·9208 7 An Older Gay Male Couple Ponders Growing Old We are two gay men who have been in a monogamous relationship for nine years. The following conversation reflects our thoughts about growing older. VVhatDocs it Mean to Get Older? Alex: Well, for one thing it can mean changes in the status of our health. [ have more concern now than 1 ever did about blood pressure, heart rate, cholesterol counts, and the incidence of prostate cancer in older men. Jay: Yes, those pains that we ignored when we were younger we no longer ignore. We wonder if each one is something serious. Alex: But beyond the physical aspects, aging also means changes in my state of mind. My retirement as a minister did not result in my feeling useless. I have still preached some, led worship, served Holy Communion, taught classes and workshops, and led discussion groups. However, it's been at someone else's invitation and on a part-time basis. Beyond the professional sphere, aging has meant a broadening of my interests. 1 have done some reading in new areas. I have retrieved some of the hobbies 1 had put away. We have done some traveling. And we've gotten to know some new people and developed a new circle of friends. Jay: And now that I am not dependent on a job and a pay check I feel more comfortable coming out to selected people without fear of lasing my income. I can be more active in the gay scene and make and enjoy gay friends. What Unique Tasks Can Older Gay People CaTry Out? Jay: I have recently become more aware of our responsibility to the youth who are struggling with their 8 by Alex Marin & Jay Bowles sexuality. We read that so many of them are committing suicide. Alex: Yes, in our area it seems there is no place adolescents can go, no one to talk to, no one to help them as they deal with that issue. Jay: And t understand from one public high school teacher and a local college faculty member that homophobia is rampan t among the youth themselves. Alex: So as older gay men we have a concern that today's gay youth not have to go through what we did - that feeling of knowing you are different from other people and wondering if you are the only person in the world attracted to the same gender. What isolation I remember feeling! Jay: So one of our tasks is to find \V3ys to help these youth. For instance, could we help them steer clear of the ~solutions~ that may be forced upon them, like fundamentalists who want to ~save~ them or change them into heterosexuals? Alex And could we help their parents better understand and accept their sexuality? Maybe some older gays might be instrumental in helping these youth avoid some of the confusion and heartache we experienced. Is Aging Different fOT Gay Men? Jay: Being gay does give some of us new concerns as we gel older. Since I have no biological family, I often wonder who would take care of me if something happened to you, Alex, and I \vcre no longer able to care for myself. I wonder who would handle my finances and be concerned about me as a person. Alex: What you're saying is not unique to gay men, but is also true for older lesbians, bisexuals, and heterosexuals without families. Our view of aging has not been "slanted" just because we are gay. Jay: However, being an older gay person does mean some of us have to be intentional about ~finding a family~ among our gay friends. Otherwise, for some older gay people like me there would be no family. How Do We Approach Getting Older? How Docs OUT Faith Enter In? Alex: I want to enjoy every minute of life! It's a wonderful opportunity, a time with many possibilities. I can't waste my time complaining. I am still in COntrol. I will decide what I want to do and what I don't want to do. I think this approach to life is quite consistent with my Christian faith. As a Christian I believe I am God's unique creation, a very special person JUSt as I am - as a gay man. I believe the various denominations are wrong, even unchristian, in their views that homosexuality is unchristian. But that docs not take away my worth or my faith. Nor docs it take away my optimism about my own future as a gay male who is growing older. J ay: Aging is something we all do. The key is to age as gracefully as possible and to keep doing things at full potential, even though that potential may decrease. If I had no religious faith 1 would be more pessimistic. Once this body is gone there would be nothing else, but with my faith I know that once this body is gone there will be another better life. What Values Do We Piau on Aging? Alex Getting older has allowed me to reach retirement with a decent income. So now that I have the extra time, I am able to do things I had to put off when I was younger and did nOt have either the money or the time to do. Jay: V/hen I was younger I was Open Hands always pUlling money away for retirement. My income was more limited, so I had to make my purchases very carefully, like buying a cheaper car, Now 1 don't have to pinch pennies waiting for old age, I am there, So now 1 can indulge myself occasionally and do some traveling or buy a better car, AJel(: In addition to material things, I find value in just having the freedom LO make choices about what I do and what I don't do. Satisfaction comes in being mysel f. What Concerns Do We Have about Getting Older? How Do They Affect our Relationship? AJel(: I am concerned enough about my physical health to watch my fat intake and try to exercise regularly. I want to maintain my current level of health. Jay: If I were an unattached gay male at my age I am sure I would have more serious concerns about getting older. But since I am not out looking for a partner, my major concern is caring for mysel f now so that I can have a healthy future. AJex: Also I wonder at times whether I would spend the rest of my life alone if something were to happen to you, Jay. I want you to preserve the health you have now. One effect these health concerns has on our relationship is to make us want to do things now and not put them off until later. We have not lraveled together to Europe, for instance, and we sometimes make comments like, ~We'd better go ahead and do it now while we can enjoy it and do it together. ~ Jay: This is constantly reinforced in my mind because of the death of Sam, my previous spouse, before we had a chance to carry out most of our plans. Also, because we fear being alone, some of us who are older probably put more effort inlo making a relationship work than younger gay men do. I guess younger men feel they can go OUI and find another relationship if the current one docs not work. When Sam died nine years ago my fear at the time was that [ would just die a lonely fall 1992 old man with no one the least bit concerned about me and my welfare. Have We Experienced Ageism? J ay: I am not aware of any discrimination from the general society jusl because of my age. Perhaps we gays have had a lifetime of discrimination and have become so hardened to it that we don't recognize additional discrimination because of our age. AJex: Over the years I have been judged much younger than my chronological age, even though I have been bald-headed for a long time. I think that fact may have shielded me from some ageism. People say, "1 would never have guessed your age! You seem much younger!" Of course, that statement ilself may be ageist. Jay: I feel certain that if I were oUllooking for a partner, especially someone younger than myself, I would experience ageism in the gay community. But I don't think I have ever actually experienced it. A1ex I also think that we have chosen older gay friends - people who have more in common with us, But I have nOI felt discriminated against just because of my age among other gay people we know or when we've been traveling with other gays. Jay: in the Metropolitan Community Church where we attend, several younger gay men actually seem to look up 10 us. Maybe it's because long-tenn relationships are sometimes less common in the younger gay community. So those younger gay men who know my history of having been in a relationship for twenty-five years look to me for "the secret." Alex: I agree. I also feel that many folks in our MCC congregation treat me with honor rather than discrimination because my ministerial background has made it easy for me to help the congregation in various ways. I cenainly have never felt M set aside~ because 1 am old. I wonder if ageism affects us differently as gay males than it does lesbians or bisexuals? Jay: No, I don't think so. Of course, t have no experience as a lesbian or as a bisexual! But, based on my experience as a gay male, it seems to me that all of us - even heterosexuals - would experience a similar degree of dis- ____ ~ crimination as we get older. A1ex I don't think gay men experience ageism just because they are gay males. Maybe ageism runs more along gender lines than orientation lines. Or perhaps if we aren't looking for evidence of discrimination we jusl don't find it. Both: In shon, we have high hopes for the coming years. After ail, we survived our terrible teens with their confusion and hopelessness. We no longer have to put on our \ straight faces in the workplace where slurs and hatred were directed at those who live a gay or lesbian life-style. Now we can live our lives more openly as the gay men we have always been. We can choose to do what we please, when we please, with whom we please. We're glad to be gay. We don't mind geuing older. And we're glad to say so . ... ALEX MARIN (a pseudonym), 64, is a rdind ordained minister who has served both in local churches and on a national Sf(ljf He hill been married and has childrrn and grandchildren. JAY BOWLES (a pseudonym), 59, is (I retired cQunselor. Although never heterosexually married, he was in a commiffed long-term relationship with a man who died of wncer. Alex and Jay have been together nine ytars. 9 '101t::E~ ., ft.c Ell>E~~ Peggy's Introduction I travel extensively throughout the country as a member of the nalional Affirmation Council and the Reconciling Congregation Board. Rarely do I visit a community where I do not hear a few more stories of bisexual, lesbian, and gay people's struggles in our church and society. A few years ago I received this letter from Rev. Bill Boyce·: I can't tell you how exciting and liberating it was for me to take up Open Hands last night and read your "Striving Toward WholcnessM [Winter 1989J. I want you to know how much I respect and praise you for the courage h took to "come oulM LO all those who will be reading it I have much lO share with you, as an experience in the early years of my ministry opened me up to the realization that 1 was bisexual (I like your term, ambisexual, too). As a result, I have never been the same and have wrestled with the problem through the years. Retired now for almost fifteen years,] have had time to do much reading and thinking. It is the kind of thing that I can't share with my wife as she is homophobic and critical. But our relationship has never been hurt by my different orientation. We celebr.ue over fifty years of solid and fu lfill ing married life .. Peggy: ] had received Bill's leuer as my long-term relationship was dissolving, so I never did write back to ask him to share his story with me more fully. But at the United Methodist General Conference this year, ] was excited to meet Bill face to face, and he allowed me to tape OUT conversations. Below are excerpted passages. 10 RETIRED MINISTER by Peggy Gaylord with Bill Boyce On Bisexuality BILL: Yes, I had a homosexual experience when I was in the pastorate. After ten years of ministry in rural areas I was appointed to a small city church. A young man, Harold,idolized me. ] was his role model. He became a minister and is a terrinc one today. Harold was desperate for love and affection and understanding. He was in the parsonage constantly. He wanted to go to conference with me, and he kept insisting on rooming with me even though there was only one bed. Finally I let him. Well, we had an experience in the nighl. It devastated me because I knew that it was wrong. I'd been brought up to believe that it was wrong, and yet it happened. It was such a wonderful experience, and that's where it started. I was in that church for another year until ] was reappointed. We were together from time to time, and the experience was repeated. After we were physically separated, we never got together again, until aboutthirty-fjve years later, when we shared a room at a statewide pastors' school. We had another experience there. We still felt the same way toWard each other after all those years. It was a fulfillment in a way. J wanted it again, but it has never happened since. He made other arrangements for atlending the pastors' school the next year. I see him from time to time and our families see each other. He named a son after me. But he doesn't want to talk about homosexuality or about what is happening in the church. PEGGY: Had you ever thought about this before it happened? BILL: Never. I'd always thought that it was wrong. PEGGY: Tell me about your family. BILL: They're scatlered all across the country, and my children all have children. Two of mine understand a little bit of my interest in homosexuality, but they don't know that I've had a homosexual experience. I've never publicly (or even to the family) called myse1fbisexual, because then they would be curious. Two would sympathize, but my sons, being macho, would want 10 know more than they need to know or than I want to tell. But after I'm dead I thought my family could know, so ] have a record of my relationship with Harold. They can deal with il the way they want. At least two of my children will understand, and maybe their spouses will, too. The OIhers may be offended by it and not be able to accept it. But that's life. PEGGY: Aren't you concerned about Harold or your wife if she's still alive? BILL: tr I'm dead, it won't maller. They can know the truth after I'm dead. PEGGY: So in that sense your death would be a freeing experience? You could finally reveal who you were? B1LL: Exactly, exactly. PEGGY: Have you ever regreued that it happened? BILL: My life would have been entirely different if it hadn't happened. I mean, I would never have had all this concern and interest. No, it's opened me up to an understanding of gays and lesbians. I've had the experience myself, and 1 know. I also can't say that I've regretted it because Harold went on to be so effective. He has a very responsible position in the church and will be retiring soon himself. He wasn't damaged. He's living a fulfilled life. He wrote me a tener after our last experience in which he said that he never regretted it, that he never held it against me. PEGGY: Does your wife know? BILL: No, she's never figured it out. PEGGY: Have you been able to Open Hands share this pan of yourself with anyone? BILL: No, I've told you more than I've ever told anybody. PEGGY: When did you stan calling yourself "bisexuaIH? BILL: It was a long time later, actually not until I retired. I've had an awful lot of time to think. It's been since then that 1 realized that this experience could only have happened because that's who I am. I do have real identity with gay and lesbian people. J realize that 1 am more than just a heterosexual. PEGGY: What arc the unique gifts of bisexuals? BILl: Understanding, knowledge. They can test ify to the fact that God didn't make us all for heterosexual relationships. We get that in the older and first account of creation: "male and female, He created them, in His own image." So it would appear that God has female charncteristics. 1 think He surely does. 1 think the bisexual understands that better. PEGGY: If orientation is a given, what do you think about choice and bisexuality? BILl: There's gOt to be a commitment, it's got to be monogamous. I'm just turned off by bisexuals who have more than one partner. I can't see thaI. I believe that a bisexual would have to be committed, faithful, lOVing, and really care about the persons - a man caring for a man, a man caring for his wife, like myse! f. J haven't quite come to the point of whether we should call it marriage. PEGGY: I'm a little curious. To me, monogamy would imply you would have had to choose one or the other. BILL: No, I don't mean that. 1 mean you can be faithful to your spouse and to all the commitments of your marriage, but you can also be faithful in a relationship with someone of the same sex, but only to one. PEGGY: Some bisexuals believe that you should only have one relationship at a time. But, you're talking about two monogamous relationships? BILL: That's the way it was with me. Of course, it was a terrible risk at first, but Harold meant so much to Fall 1992 me. I finally came to accept it. On Aging & Ageism PEGGY: Tell me about your experience of aging. BILL: I've fallen twice in the last year. i never dreamed I'd have to go through what I'm going through. I feel as if I've become old in just these last few months. It's such a contrast to what I was. Something like that can make you old quick. [ haven't been able to correspond much lately. 1 can't sit at the piano, so music is going out of my life. PEGGY: Have you experienced ageism? BILl: It's never troubled me that they don't ask me to do things due to my age, because I'm unable to do extra things. I'm thankful thaI people let me get away with not haVing to do things. On Faith & Future Hopes PEGGY: What has the church meant to you in your lifetime? BILL: The church has been my life, I love it. To this day, I remember singing in Sunday School, ~Jesus is all the world to me ... » PEGGY: What are your hopes for the future? BILL: Georgia Harkness predicted it would take the church twenty years (by 1992) to gel this issue of homosexuality resolved. BuL she was wrong; it's still dividing the church. The sad part to me is that the church is simply echoing what society is doing. The church isn't leading us 10 the Chris· tian point of view. 1 hoped so much for something better at the United Methodist General Conference. To me it is so simple. Homosexuality and bisexuality are givens as much as lefthandedness or black hair. The idea that a gay or lesbian person makes a choice and is immoral, all of that is wrong. There's so much testimony that it just seems so stupid to go on saying that gays and lesbians are choosing the immoral, evil way. We need to reinterpret the Bible in light of present day knowledge. PEGGY: What gives you strength when you feci alone or when you feel times are bleak? My spiritual life has certainly deepened as the result of hurt, because I identify my hurt with the hurt that so many are having I constantly tum to God. BILL: In a way, I feel that God has been more real and available. My spiritual life has certainly deepened as the result of hurt, because I identify my hurt with the hurt that so many are haVing. I constantly turn to God. To have patience, too, is so important. Yes, and 1 thought I would never want to die. But that comes so often. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up. You sort of envy the people who just die in their sleep. You have days like that where you feel you just can'Lgo on. PEGGY: And what pulls you through those days? BILL: It's only the belief that it is God's way, that we have to go through it, that we can't determine our death. We've got to keep going, step by step. You have to make the effort, you just have to do it. PEGGY: If you had some bit of wisdom to pass on, what would it be? BILL: (laughing) Just to keep on keeping on, one step at a time, and believe that God will see you through, that God will be with you until the end. I do have faith that eternal life is good .... *Not the real name of either minister. f-or obvious reasons, their names and certain identifying facts were changed to protect them. REV. BILL BOYCE is the pseudonym of a n:lirui pastor in his eighlles who served churches ill prtdomillalltly rural areas. He also ministered through his music. PEGGY R. GAYLORD is a consultant ill a/If"rnative healing/heallh strategies and sexuality education. She is a member of Tabernacle United Methodist Church, Binghamton, New York, pari of Ihe Wyoming Conference. II "ott:E~ " f~e El~E~~ First Comes Love At age fifty I fell in love. Since I had never been in love, how could I be sure? But I knew the feelings I had were more than friendship and I concluded I was in love. The person [ fell in love with was a woman. "Ah ha," lthought, "I am a lesbian." That immediately felt absolutely right for me. There wasn't any struggle. Itjusl was - and it was just right I was fascinated thai 1 hadn't figured out my orientation until! was fifty. AfleT going steady in high school and dating some in college, 1 knew I wouldn't gel married. I ralionalized that I was lOO smart, not good looking, and too competit ive. Most importantly, I knew I wouldn't play "those games" to catch a man. So I proceeded to work hard to support myself. The hard work paid off with a career in state service. Once I understood myself to be a lesbian, however, [ knew I wanted lO be in a couple relationship - at once. Alii could think of was how many years I had lost. The woman [ fell in love with did not return that love, although we remain good friends to this day. Seeking a lesbian partner in my fifties - what a mystery! 1 was ready, but how was I to find her. How did I ask someone for a date? Who paid for dinner? When should we kiss? When should we have sex? I had 100s of questions and no one to talk to and learn from. I started going to lesbian events and meeting people. At my very first potluck, I met Ellie who was with another woman. They Invited me to go LO parties and concerts with them. I began to meet women and date some. I dated one woman a lot, then realized that it was not a good relationship for me. About the same time, Ellie was breaking up with her partner. We each became the close 12 by Jeanne Barnett friend of the other and talked and talked. Ellie and I shared everything with each other: what we were looking for in a relationship; how important a loving, long-term commitment was; how important it was for us to be able to talk openly and with truslo Slowly we each began to recognize that the qualities we were seeking in a relationship were there in each other. But our friendship was critical to us. If we stepped over the line and became lov£rs, would that end our friendship? Both of us were reluctant to risk. Months later we did, and with the solid base of our friendship our love grew and continues \0 grow to this day. Our love and commitment was never more clearly shown than when 1 served on the United Methodist Committee to Study Homosexuality. After the first two meetings, Ellie and I became aware that I was coming home depressed. We decided it was important for Ellie to accompany me to these meHings for love, support and care. When Ellie had problems getting the time off from her state job, she quit work and staTted her own business, setting her own hours so she could travel with me. We are a couple, in love, supporting each other in the efforts we make. Our love clearly synergizes each of us with the ability to do more than either one of us would be able LO do alone. Coming om at fifty - I would not have missed it for the world. Ufe is grand! Then Comes Prejudice I was well established at work and in my church when I came out at fifty. I suddenly faced the fear ofhomophobia and the shock of prejudice. 1 was afraid of rejection, being treated differently, being told I was wrong, being told I should change. I had grown up and lived in that comfortable American place: while, middle class, Protestant, and assumed heterosexual. I took things for granted. I played out the social roles laid out before me. Once I knew I was a lesbian, however, fear made me think and react with tension. If I didn't tell anyone I was a lesbian, then I wouldn't have to deal with the fear. But I was too happy with the new discovery about myself to keep it a secret. So I was caught up in the fears, mostly when I needed something and wasn't sure how the person was going to react. I was afraid when Ellie and I applied for a home mortgage as a couple and they told us to re-do the papers. I was afraid when we applied for a family membership in our auto club and had to push all the way 10 headquarters to get them to say OK. Gnawing fear crept into my thinking when I applied for long-term health care insurance and they asked why I was living with another person. If I said I was a lesbian, would they turn me down? Sometimes I question why others are reacting as they do toward me? Is it because I am lesbian 7 Some other reason? I don't know for sure, but doubts seep in. Ufe is grand being out, being in love. But now, the fear and discomfort of meeting prejudice is also with me. This fear will only leave me when people realize that stigmatizing and ostracizing whole classes of people in our SOCiety is incompatible with Christian teachings . .... )ea,me Barllett, 62, retired as an administratOT aJter thirty-two )'tars oj statl slrllict. Shl is a member oJSt. Mark's United Methodist Church ill SaCramlntO, chair oj thl California-Nlvada Reconcilillg COIIJerenct Committee, and District Lay Leader. She recenlly returned to worh as OJfice Manager Jar the Conference Capitol Fw!d Campaigll. Open Hands \jO'~E~ " tt.e El~E~~ • •••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• I ••••••••••••••••••••••• • •••••••••••••••••••••••••• I ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• "G'R'A"N D"M'A"'I'S"'/l"'['E'S'B"IA'N' ",.11.11 ••••••••••••• ' •• · 1,' ••• II I • I ,. ' I" ••• I.... " " • • .1 < I • I • , "' t' I. ' II · '· ' " • • II" . , . • '. I. , •• ' , II ' ' . ' "" · ...................................................... ,. ...... . ............................................. ;; ... ,. ........... by Ellie Charlton T he year 1975 was a mOm enlOU5 onc for me, In)anuary I became a g randmother. In April I lurned fo rty. In May I started the process of coming out. Harvey C hinn, a mini ster in our annual conference, ran a series of articles on ~ Homosexua l s and the Church" that spring in the United Methodist Reporter. The articles started m e on my journey. That Ma y,Jane (not her real name) and 1 were on our way to the United Methodist Women's Conference Training fo r District Officers. Having met as new offi cers and become good fri ends, we were haVi ng lunch before the training event. We discussed Ch inn's anicles in the Reporter and whether h omosexuals should be ministers. Jane said, "I'm bisexual you know." I can't begin to tell you the impact her statem ent had on me. We went on to become lovers and I started my self-discovery proce ss. I had a long journey before me. Where do you start when you have three children (seventeen, nineteen , and twenty), a marriage of twentythree years, and a brand new grandchil d? Life went smoothly for a while. Sin ce Jane a nd I were both happily married, we were lovers on th e side. We shared our relationship with our respective husbands so we didn't expend a lot of energy trying to hide or s neak behi nd thei r backs. However, after fo ur years Jane divorced and to ld me she wa s "looking for a rich man to take h er fancy p laces.~ I se t out to find a woman to replace her, having realized my need for a woman in my life. But since I didn't know any gay people, I spent the next three or four years reading alii could find on homosexuality, trying to meet lesbia ns, and reviewing all the anraclions and loving feelings I had had for Fall 1992 women since age fi ve. I grieved for all that I had denied of myself. I wondered how much m y gel tin g married and haVi ng a family was to meet Ihe expectation s of my famil y, church, and society. I W<lS raised in the church and a major part o f my adult life had revolved around it. However, during several years o f my coming o ut process, 1 left the church, unable to d eal w ith the nega tive feelings an d unkind comments about gay p eople. In 1982, after seven years in the coming out process and after thirty years of marriage, I separated from my husband and started coming out to my family: three children, brother, Sis ler, a unt, uncle, and mother. My father died before J wa s ready to tell him a nd my grand children just grew up knowing. As one might expect, I received a variety of react io ns. My aunt and uncle were ac ce pting. So was one so n and hiS fa mil y. However, at first my daughter would n ot let my two granddaughters stay wi th me. I feel sad for the lost years of close grand· mother/granddaughter relationsh ip that can never be regained. My daughter now has an interesting relationship with my partner Jeanne and me. Alth ough she feels "it is not God's plan ," she visi ts us o ft en. Recently, having watched our relationship for yea rs, seei ng how we communicate, an d feeling the love we have for each other, she staled that she wished she cou ld find a man just like J eanne. I take that a s the ultimate co mpliment My youngest son for many years refused to talk to me or to return my telephone calls. Only in th e last few months have we started talking again and rebuilding our friendship. The most difficult to tell and the last to know was Mom. How do you co me out to Mom when she is eighty and you are fifty-five and a mOlher and grand mother yourself? For many years I worried about Mom. Should I come out to h er or n ot? Would she accept me completely (not likely) or have a h eart attack (maybe) or totally reject me ( I didn't think so). Finally, the time came wh en I knew I must te U her. My family partner Jeanne was on the United Methodist Ge neral Conference Committee to Study Ho m osexuality and it was consuming a lot of our time. J was abou t to quit my s tate job so I could accompany her to those meetings. [ fl ew Mom to Sacramento - and fifteen years after my coming out journey began, I took the big step. She was not surprised - by now she had fi gured it o ut! She d oesn't approve for religiOUS reasons, but she s till loves me. She acce pts Jeanne as my partner a n d loves her too. As things turned out, Jeanne and I are much more "out" than we eve r anticipated. We continue to hear of newspapers that reported Jeanne's coming out to th e Unite d Methodist General Conference. I'm so glad I was "outM to all members of my family. Yes , this lesbian is a grandma - and daughter and mother and sister and niece! This lesbian is also an active church member again - and much more. I'm so glad I discovered my real self. the person God crea ted me to be. Thank yo u , Harvey Chinn . .., ELLIE CHARL1DN, 57, runs a hill paying service, INDIVIDUAL FINANCIAL CARE. Sht is a mtmber OJSI. Mark's Uniltd Mtthodis[ Church in Sacramenfo, California, is lre-asure-r oj [he National Affjrmation Co un cil, and chair oj [hI: CalifornialNtvada Annual ConJertnce Commission On the Stalus and Role of Wome,l. 13 • '10't:E~ " t~e Ell)f~( dJo;" UHi/eJ M~-<Jo.-~ I am out enjoying my Golden Years, all seventy-six of them. But I have a hope for United Methodists in years to come. I hope they will have the courage to be - to be themselves. I hope they will nol feel. as I often have, that to remain in the church means they must deny their deepest loving and sexual feelings. I hope they will not feel they are the "u.ndesirables", as I have. War Years From 1942-45 I was in the US. Army Infantry. I was a Chaplain's Assistant as well as piccolo player and Army Division Band entertainer. In the intense heat of a New Guinea summer night in December 1944, 1 shared with the chaplain (my part-time boss) my arudeties about my inner homoerotic feelings. There were no sexual activities involved. I said I did not feel 1 could be a good future husband to my fiancee, waiting for me at home. The chaplain was a fine, well-meaning Methodist, but I had unWillingly put him in a tough spot A higher ranking officer was also present that night in his tent So my chaplain had no choice but to agree with that lieutenant colonel that I was henceforth u.ndesirable 10 Ihe army. Ensuing angry actions on my part due to frustrating army delays and threats of courl-manial led to my hospitalization in New Guinea. My chaplain, only a captain, could do nothing for me. After many months and three transfers, army medical boards in the United States dccided I was not deserving of a dishonorable discharge, since no homosexual acts had been committed, only an expression of my deepest feelings. My army discharge was Honorable. Very understanding psychiatrists and social workers sent me on my civilian way just one week before World War II ended. This ordeal of months left me with strong 14 "" KuU. IJI.aI-,u feelings of self-devaluation and disappointmem for which, much later in California, I found helpful counseling In 1945 my fiancee broke our engagement by mai\. 1 knew 1 was not SUitable for marriage, but I kept trying. Perhaps, I thought, I was a latent heterosexual. A second failed engagement in 1948 proved to me that mine was not to be the heterosexual path. After my anny discharge, I was hired by the New York City YMCA as a veterans' business and vocational counselor. My later work thcre as a secretary caused intense inner conflicts since pari of my work was to check on ever longer lists of "undesirables" who were 10 be banned from fUlure use of YMCA facilities. MOSI persons on these lists were thought to be homosexual. Many prominenl New York City and Hollywood names were induded. I had been active in the theater and musical worlds, both professional and amateur. It was hard to see former school and theater colleagues on such lists. I did not think of them as "undesirubles." In my YMCA days I was being promoted up the executive ladder. The question was often asked, "When are you going to get married? Your career chances and salary will be better if you do." Today ( know those questions and statements were inappropriate and very biased. But back then I could not give an honest answer, so I left that Christian organization in 1959. Early Years Sex education, or lack of it, shaped my early years. In the 1920s in '. Massachusens, sex educalion was thought lO be a little book called ~What Every Young Boy Should Know. ~ As a result of that book (along with books from the Boy Scouts of America) my contemporaries and 1 daily checked on the results of mast urbation. We watched for signs of hair falling out, veins enlarged and incipient idiocy. By 19281 was given a book on reproduction. It featured the fish and animal kingdom and very liule about junior high school sex. Our schools had no sex courses or even general counselors. "Just keep everything cleanH was the message of our hygiene lectures. In the Methodist Episcopal Church of the early 19305 I never heard the word "homosexuality." From my eighth year onward i inwardly felt different But this was the time period of "The Love that dares not speak its name." Our youth ministers were kind men, but they were very concerned with economiC, social, and anti-war issues rather than with sexual counseling At our Epworth League meetings, it was assumed that all nonnal people were heterosexual. However, I never heard that word either. The 1950s I n the 1950s things were different. In 1952, 1 was serving as music and drama staff person in a Florida Methodist church, when 1 was picked up in a police entrapment campaign against ~ quee rs.H My senior minister never suggested dismissal but rather offered constant. continuing friendship and enthusiasm. Homosexuals were visible in the 1950s musical world of our Florida city, in which both my mother and I Open Hands , I. were active. My mother, music teachers and friends would lament the irregularit y, but such gay men were neither held up as models nor ostracized from musical d ubs nor spoken of harshly. In New York City in 1956 1 joined the large and vital Christ Methodist Church on Park Avenue. I was active in the church's theater group. II was common knowledge that two leaders of that group were living together in a man-lo-man relationship. Everyone took it in stride. I never heard ministers or lay people objecl lo ....... _____ _ the ohen very "campy~ professional dancers and actors who were brought in 10 augment our productions. Concerns & Questions After all these years - and many other experiences in the 19605, 19705 and 19805, I am out enjoying my life. But my conscience leads me to ask the church at large to consider these questions: I. Just who is a homosexual and why is it so important to know? 2. What are the spiritual and physical effects of long-term celibacy? of continued sublimation of sexual feelings? Do celibacy and sublimation make for a more Christian life? 3. Does the phrase "love the sinner but not the sin" encourage a kind of heterosexual condescension? Does it say ''I'm OK, bUl you really are a little pecuJiarr How Jesus-like is such an implication? 4. Where will Christian gays, lesbians, and bisexuals in the future find their role-models? Fall 1992 --' - -.:.-:-::;:-- --- --- -------- Will they increaSingly turn away from the church? If the church can begin LO grapple with these and other questions about sexuality, perhaps loday's young people will not reach their Golden Years partly unfulfilled and feeling distanced from their church. Hopefully they will not feel thaI they are the "undesirables." Hopefully they will be told openly that they are valued for who they really are, rather than being a threat to family values . ..,. KEITH CHALMERS, 76, is a m~mbcr ofth~ Unit~d M~fhodisf Church, with a dup I Once Was a Liar: reflections on growing up gay in the 50s David 1. Biviano f once was a liar. My whole life balanced precariously on a lie. These feelings lie heavy on the frail frame of this frightened young boy. Dread locks my mind in chains and throws away the key to the future. Alone like a lost fawn after its mother has been felled for sport. Begin the lonely struggle to win the gold medal in the "Best Little Boy in the World" competition. Olympian feats are futile in the subterfuge. Flee beneath the oppressive orders: Don't feel that way Don't be that way don't let the truth be known. Pretend that "boy meets girl" is your favorite pubescent pastime too. The Great Pretender plays the gay, lying awake only to the dark fears of discovery David Biviano is a counselor and Ed.D. candidate living in Washington state. © 1990 Gay and Lesbian Advocacy Research Project, Inc. First published in Empathy, Vol. 2, No.2, 1990/91. IS '10,eE~ " floe ElP~~ LIVING AN HONEST LIFE I was born and raised in a strict Christian tradition. That meant that we did not dance, play cards or do anything else on a Sunday that would be blasphemous. I was in my early teens when I began \0 sense my homosexuality ahhough I didn '( know the term. Boys were OK for baseball games or riding bikes, but girls were best for real companionship and caring and sharing. I also sensed that my feelings for Olher girls would send me straight \0 hell. Religion can often put a damper on reality. All through high school 1 struggled with my feelings. When I went to college, I enjoyed my first love affair with a woman. 8Ul the pressure of my religious upbringing made me try to find a niche in the heterosexual world. I dated men and uied to fmd a comfortable companion. I spent many years trying to conform \0 society's expeclations of what I should do. I did find one man who was kind and gentle enough for me 10 marry. My marriage was OK for fifteen years and two lovely children, bUl then the next six years were spent trying 10 get rid of headaches. Too many aspirin finally led to mild anemia and the beginnings of an ulcer. Only when I confronted my husband with the truth of who I was, was I on my way to recovery. I began to realize that I was born a lesbian. There was nothing I could do aboUl il. I had tried for thiny-rive years to fit society's role for me and I was killing myself over it The church had told me I was a sinner, but the times I felt closest \0 my God were when I admitted my sexuality and tried 10 live a decent life. When I gave up the lie, I felt physically better and emotionally happier. I moved to California with my children and divorced my husband. My connection with the church died after J had made the rounds of Sacramento looking for a congrega- 16 by Ardelle Pearsall lion that would accept me and found none. My spiritual life has been sustained through reading and the care and concern of many nongay people as well as the support of the gay community. Many, indeed most, of my gay friends have a deep "'1>"1 As my body ages, I'm concerned about becoming dependent on someone else for physical care. In a nursing or convalescent home, willi feel comfortable in a straight community? I am not very comfortable now. spiritual understanding C rt'> . <l;:<> and would enjoy the ( ~ " '/"I • opport unity 10 share in ( I t "\ 1 -061 I wonder if my children will be as supportive as I become less independent? I wonder about the funeral service. Who will do it? will an accepting congrega- ( )' "1~"I'i" ~oO tion. The anger and f'~~~~~;,~~("-':<;;;"'7§~ bitterness of our past experiences make it almost impossible for us to find the comfort, care, and concern we need in most mainstream churches. The fundamentalist churches are our worst enemies. Ihe pastor be - ----=- able to say the So now I am seven ty years old and retired, living with my parmer. Since I can no longer be fired I have come out to almost all my acquaintances. My partner and 1 enjoy traveling around the country in our fifth-wheel RV: Ufe is good. I'm happier than I've ever been- because I am living an honest life. But I'm trying to look to the future as well as to the present. What lies ahead for those of us who have spem so many years in the closet? Many thoughts and questions emerge. What happens if I am in imensive card Will my partner be able to visit me? To insure that, I must fill out a "Power of Attorney for Health Care.H • A ~lega\" spouse would not even have 10 think about that. I have to. I must be sure to word my will correctly so my children will get their share and my partner will also get her share. I cannOl include my partner on my insurance plan. C::J::J right words to .. , comfort my survivors? How open will she or he be? Some problems of aging as a lesbian are probably not much different from aging as a straight woman. However, it feels different because we do not have the support system of the straight world. We feel we must fight every step of the way for what should be our rights. To know now that much of my life has been spent in hiding from myself makes me angry and resentful 3t times. I would like to be judged on what I do in public life, not on what I do in the bedroom. That's pretty much the way others are judged. Why not us? '" ARDELLE PEARSALL, 70, laugh/school for twenty-five years in New York and Massar"' T,ii ... ~r!'1 chusells, then mlrkerl as a gardener Jor Jouruen years after mo~ing 10 Sacmmento in 1975. She was married for twenly-one years 10 a man who was an ordained minister in the United Methodist Church. Open Hands I: IJDt~E~ " floe El~E~~ fit Rememaltee 0.6 a 'OeM hieltd Four years ago I lost my best friend, Carol. Today I look back and thank God for giving me this special woman in my life. We mel in the late 19405 bUl fate played its hand and we wenl our separate paths. Twelve years later onc of her friends told me she was not doing very well, and that made me decide \0 locate her and renew our friendship. From the beginning of our relationship, I had felt a strong bond between us and 1 set out to prove it to myself, once and for all. When I knocked on her door four hundred miles away on a sunny day in December of 1959, we had a joyous reunion. Although the visit was shon, it was very profound - the beginning of the rest of our lives together. The years had taken their toll on Carol, but haVing known her previously, I could only see the person I had known in the 1940s. She was still as lOVing, caring, and happy-go-lucky as I had remembered her. Her smile (an Irish one at that) would steal anyone's heart away. Carol had suffered many hardships over the years. At twenty she had survived polio and had gone on to live a totally self-suffic ient life. But when I renewed my relationship with her in 1959 she was on the brink oflosing her job. She had developed serious seizure problems. She was eventually discharged (in the 1960s) from a highpaying position to total disability without an option of ever ~orking again as long as she lived,She \\laS declared ~unfit to work among normal employees" because of haVing one seizure on the job) Carol was fony-eight years old when she finally became resigned to her fa te. With my persistence she moved to my city to share her life and Fall 1992 all that she possessed with me. Her condition had cost her her job, her independence and her self-esteem. But I believed in her and vowed to care for her as long as she lived, hoping I would survive her. Fortunately, I did. We bought and shared a modest home together and were happy for the next twenty years. Carol1ived a very normal and fairly healthy life too, thanks to the wonderful care of local speCialists. The last five years were sad f and debilitating for my friend. Along with chronic lung problems, she developed Post-Polio Syndrome and in the end she succumbed to a massive stroke. The task of caring for Carol during those five years was mine and I believe I took it in stride, although some times were very frustrating and even difficult. But our love for each other survived the insunnountable ohst<lc\es which confronted us during her last days. I thank God for giving me such a wonderful friend and for the privilege of caring for her in her time of need. ~ The author of this article. 69, is very active in her local church and fears rejection by some she considers friends if her identity were known. As a re_Iu'lt of the years spent caring for her loving partner, she 'lOW provides respife care for people who have Iolal responsibility for the care of a loved one. ORGANIZATIONAL SAMPLING ASA (Society on Aging) 833 Market Street, Suite 512 San Francisco, CA 94103 415/882-2910 A pioneer in lesbian and gay aging issues. Helped found NALGG in 1974; cosponsored 1992 conference on "Diversity w~h a Differ· ence: Serving 3 Million Aging Gays and lesbians"; recently established own Task Force on lesbian and Gay Aging Issues. GALAXY (Gay & Lesbian Accommodations for the Experienced in Years) 3507 23rd Street San Francisco, CA 94110 415/648-8678 Provides advocacy on housing in the Bay area, GLOE (Gay & lesbian Outreach to Elders) 1853 Market Street San Francisco, CA 94103 415/62&-7000 Offers information and referrals; social ActMties; educational programs; support groups; in-home SUppcH't lor frail elders; women's ac· tivities, and bereavement support. NAlGG (National Association for Lesbian & Gay Gerontology) 1853 Market Street San Francisco, CA 94103 "Promotes responsible research, publicatk)ns, networking, service advocacy, and delivery programs for lesbians and gay elders.~ Offers a 37-page Resource Guide on Lesbian and Gay Aging. OLOC (Old Lesbians Organizing for Change) P.O. Box 980422 Houston, TX 77093 Dedicated to confronting ageism; has Contact Persons and Area Support Tearns in many states; published The FacilitiJtor's Handbook On Confronting Ageism for Leshlans 6f) and Over. SAGE (Senior Action in a Gay Environment) 208 West 12th Street New York, NY 10011 212/741-2247 Provides support for homebound gay and lesbian seniors; a Public Education, Advocacy and Media program; an AIDS and Elderly Program; a seniors' social and educational center, 17 ~f4~t"'f"f"S tt.e ~'f'it H arry and Herman had lived in the big, brick house on the hill in Willow Bluff for almost half a century. Some assumed that they were bachelor brothers, but the old timers will tell you that neither of them are natives. Herman ca me up from Texas in the late thirties to lake over the feed mill when Jim Kinnamen died. Harry was from somewhere out East - Delaware or New Jersey. He worked for Herman in the mill, delivering feed and keeping books, until the war came. They tried to enlist together after Pearl Harbor in '41. Herman was accepted and went on to win Ihe silver SlaT in the Baule of the Bulge. Harry had a bad eye, so he stayed home and ran the feed mill for Hennan_ When Herman came home from the war, near the end of '43, business was booming, and he made Harry a full partner. That was when they bought the old Einersen place up on the hill and moved in together. After a few years, folks just came to accept that neither of them was ever going to marry. Harry and Herman started going to church in '49, just after the addition was built, when Reverend Swingle was pastor. Harry immediately joined the choir. He had a beautifultcnor voiee, and when people found out he could sing he became the soloist of choice at most weddings and funerals. Kate Swarrnford used to say that Harry had the voice of an angel, and she made her family promise that when she died they would ge t Harry to sing ~The Lord's Prayer" and "K-K-K-Katie" at her funeral. They kept their promise, and Harry sang both songs jusl the way she wanted. That.....-as one funeral in Willow Bluff that no one ever forgol. Herman became active on the church Board of Trustees. He was often seen over at the church, after work and on Saturday mornings, 18 ANNIVERSARY by John ~umW8ll A slory .. ermon bared on Psalm 24,3-6 repairing the roof, painting the trim, or puttering with the furnace. When they installed the new pipe organ in '55, the Trustees dec ided tha t, whi le they we re at it, they might as well renovate the whole sanctuary. It was Herman who headed up the renovation comminee. They made him chairman of the Trustees the follOWing year, a position he was to hold for over thirty years. He had a way of recruIting the right people for a job and organizing them so that things got done in good order. Their announce~ent on World Communion Sunday came as a surprise 10 the congregation and was the source of much puzzlemem and consternation in the weeks that followed. Herman stood up during the time for sharing joys and concerns and said, ..'Harry and I would like 10 invite everyone to attend our firtie th anniversary celebration on Ihe nineteenth of November. There will be an announcement in the pape r, but we aren't sending any fonnal inv'ilations. We hope you will all be able to come. We've ordered one of those triple-decker cakes from the baker)~ and Harry is planning to sing." The puzzling began as soon as HermaJ;.- sat dOWJ;l. "Anniversary,of what?" Mildr~Hersey whispered to her daughter Gyneth, loud enough for naif of the congregation to hear. Gyneth shr.ugged her shoulders and whispe red back, "I don't know.~ No one seemed to kngw. When the paper came out that Tuesday with Herman and Harry's picture on the front page, the whole tow n began to buzz. The announcement simply read, "Herman Fisker and Harry Beechum cordially inv ite you to attend their fiftieth anniversary celeb ration on Sunday, November 19, at 2:00 P.M., in the community room at the church.~ "I don't understand it,~ Mildred said to her neighbor, Eunice Criven. ~ "It didn't say nftieth anniversary of their business or their partnership. You don't suppose they are ... " She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence . The very thought was abhorrent to her. "To think that they have been carrying on like that here in Willow Bluff for fifty years. 1 can tell you right now that I'm not going to any anniversary party like that!" The follOWing Sunday, Herman sat alone in his usual pew in the center of the sanctuary. No one sat near him and no one greeted him before or after the service. Harry sat with the other tenors in the choir loft, and they spoke to him politely, but there was no joking and laughing as there usually was, and no one said a word about the anniversary celebration. It went on like that for several weeks. People began to wonder why Herman and Harry continued coming 1O church. There was even some talk about fonnally asking them to withdraw their memberships. On the Sunday before the anniversary celebration the organist, Gena Percy, stood up duringjoys and concerns and asked the pastor if she could say something to the congrega· tion . The pastor nodded and Gena stepped out from behind the organ bench, walked over to the center aisle, and with her hands visib ly trembling, began to speak '" want to thank > Hennan and Harry for what they have done. It has given me the courage to say something that I have wanted to say for a long time. I am a lesbian. I am not ashamed to tell you that now, even though I know that many of you will not understand. I have struggled with who I am for years and years, and after much prayer, and the support of severa l dear friends, I have come to accept all that I am as a gift of God. I don't know why God made me this way. 1 have often wished that it could have been otherwIse. There have been Open Hands times when I ha ve wanted to curse God because of th e way 1 have been treated . Bu t I don't feel that way anymore. I think playing th e organ in worship has helped. Pra ising God with this beautiful inst rument is the grea lestjoy of my life. 1 thank you all for the privil ege of serving God as your ch urch organist. " There was no whi spering when Gena returned to the bench behind the orga n. No o ne could remember when the church had been so q uiet, except perhaps at fun era ls. It was a ho ly silence. Everyone who was present knew that he or she had witnessed something ext raordin ary, and even though they were all shocked and troubled by what Gena had said , they could not bring themselves to condemn her. To have do ne so would have been to deny what they clearly saw in her face as cake fo r severa l months. But by 2: 15 the room wa s fun and people were still coming Afler they had open ed th eir gifts, and Hennan had made a liule speech thanking everyone for comi ng and saying so me of th e usual things about what a blessing it was La have so ma ny faithful friends, Harry announced that he had a song he would like 10 sha re . He walked over to the piano, where Gena was already sea ted, and after she played the introduction, he smiled at Herman and began 10 sing in his sweet tenor voice: For all th ese years, these friends and thes e blessing s, we give you all pra ise mighty God . For trials , temptations, and hardships overcome, we thank you,D Lord, our SlIlvation . For this holy union of sinners forgiven . redeemed, tran sform ed, SlInctified; For grace all sufficient. sustaining, maintaining our love all these years, thank you God . ... JOHN SUMWALT, 41, is paSlorof Wes!ey Unit ed Methodist Church , Kenos ha , Wisconsin and a member ojT.AL.E.S. story tdlingguild . He is the autho r af Lectionary Stories, Cycles A, B & c. Music was compostd by Kern Sherwood, Direc lor oj Musi c, Wesle y Umltd Methodis t Church, Kenosha, Wi sconsin. All righlS to story and music re ta in ed byau/hors. One lime permis5ion granud . she spoke: somet hing holy, rr=,;,,============================"'>! something that they had no words to descnbe, but that they knew was of God . Others would co nd em n her whe n word got out tha t Willow Bluff Community Church had a lesbian organist, but they would not. She was one o f their own . They had wa tc hed her grow up, seen her baptized a nd conflnned with their own children and grandchildren; they knev.r her parents and her gra nd pare nts, her aunts and uncles, her brothers and her siste r. They were all members of the c hurch , too. Whateve r else she was, she was thei r Gena. Nothing could change that. When one of the nev.rcomers wondered aloud if Gena woul d be allowed to co ntin ue playing the organ, the question was me t wilh a stony silence. Herman and Har ry decorated the community room wi th cre pe paper the fol lOWing Sa turday n ight. The next day, at 1:45, they stood at the door in th eir rented tuxedos, wailing to see if anyone would come. Ha rry said he was willing to bel his next socia l security check that they would be f~ Anniversary MUSiC by Kerri E. Sherwood Words by John E. Sumwalt y" ", 11 .... •• lend. , .. th . .. bl ... _ Ing. .. 0 , ~ o r J ,I - n tJ7D r .11 p •• I.. mlghl _ y God.. Fo. I. I .11, lemp I. - lion •• nd , ~ .. , L3 QD J EJ J . n dured. ., Ih.nk you. 0 lo.d. our .. I _ o ~ 0 ,,- " [ I 841 r l_fEI n 1 r U r r E n _lion. Fo. IhI.ho - Iy un _Io n ot.ln _ no .. 10. ,,, . 'm. .. ~ d .. m .... Irani . 10 ........ line . " . lI.d . ,., g.ec •• 11 luI ." _ cl.nt, '0' 0 Om .. i j tp J FJ I F9 • . . ,.'n . In g. mll n t .l n '"0 '"' Ion '" the n yea ,., think ,,0 0 .. 0 G O J '=pH r ... '0' loy. '" thu. yurs, thank ,.0 """ eating freezer burnt anniversary i!;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;!.1 r-all 1992 19 Resources LESBIANS AND GAY MEN AND AGING Adelman, Marcy, Ed. Long Time Passing: Lives of Older lesbians. Boston: A1yson Publications, 1986. Twenty-two stories of old lesbians from various classes, races, professions and pans of the country. Berger, Raymond M. Gay and Gray: The Older Homosexual Man. Boston: Alyson Publications, 1982 Report of research and interviews of ten older gay men. Berzon & Leighton. Posifively Gay: New Approaches. Millbrae, CA; Celestial ArLS, 1979. Has chapters on lesbians and gay male aging. Doress, Paula Brown and Diana Laskin Siegel and the Midlife Older Women Book ProjeCl. Ourselves, Growing Older: Women Aging With Knowledge and Power. New York: Simon &: Schuster, 1987. A handbook on aging for women: includes discussion of lesbian aging throughout; limited discussion of ageism. Dynes, Wayne R., Ed. Encyclopedia oj Homosexuality. NY: Garland Publishing. 1990. Includes several references to aging and ageiSm. Golden Threads, P.O. Box 3177, Burlington VT 05401 . A contact magazine for lesbians over fifty. Hamburger, LisaJ .. Katrina Fullman and Ellen Ferwerda, Producers. The Place I Call Home. Elk Productions, 1992. A video on gay and lesbian seniors. their lives. homes, hopes and fears. 10 min. Available from NALGG, 1953 Market st., San Francisco. CA 94103. Hubbard, Will. "Lesbian and Gay Aging: Deconslructing Closets in Rural America," RFD 68:50-53. Hubbard, Will. "Lesbian and Gay Aging: Exploring Myths," Blue 20 Ridge Lnmbda Press (November 1 and December), 1991). Hubbard, Will. ~ Invisible Minorities: Older Lesbians and Gay Men," New River Free Press 9( 1991):7. Kehoe, Monika. Lesbians Over 60 Speak Jor Themselves. New York: Harrington Park Press/The Haworth Press, 1989. Results of a study begun in 1983 on what it is like lO be old and lesbian in our society. Lee,John Alan. Gay, Midlifeand Maturity. New York: Harrington Park Press/The Haworth Press, 1991. Myths about gay men and accelerated aging; sexual attitudes and behaviors of older gay men; a theory of successful aging. Macdonald, Barbara with Cynthia Rich. Look Me In The Eye: Old Women, Aging and Ageism. San Francisco: Spinsters/ Aunt Lute, 1983. Essays and reflections on aging and ageism as women experience them. Sang, Barbara,joyce Warshaw and AdrienneJ. Smith, Eds. Lesbians at Mid/ife: The Creative Trans ition. San Francisco: Spinsters, 1991. Anthology by and about forty to sixty year old lesbians of various races and ethnic backgrounds. Includes slOries, poems, research, essays, reflections. A chapter on legal documents. Sullivan, Andrew. "Gay Life, Gay Death," The New Republic. Decem· ber 17, 1990. Examines age difrerences, race differences and differences in H1V status. Vacha, K. Quiet Fire: Memoirs oj Older Gay Men. New York: Crossing Press, 1985. A collection of interviews with older gay men. Out of print. GENERAL AGING RESOURCES Bell, Marilyn]., Ed. Women as Elders: Images, Visions. and Issues. New York: Haworth Press, 1986. A feminist perspective on aging women and their concerns. Topics include retirement, health care, and issues of policy and politics. 99 pp. Friedan, Betty. The Fountain oj Age. New York: Simon &" Schuster. To be published in 1993. By the year 2000, Friedan sees a new "revolution in consciousness about aging and the role of older persons in ru.S.Jlife. Age ... will be redefined as a new stage in human development, not as lost youth." (AARP Bulletin, September 1992, p. 20) UPCOMING EVENT! The national conference of the American Society on Aging March 27-30, 1993 Chicago Hilton Hotel'&? Towers Call 415/882-2910 ior more iniormation Open Hands • RCPReport Welcome New RCs Nine new congregations have voted to become Reconciling Congregations (Res) since August 1, bringing the natiooaltotal to sixty-two. We imroduce five of these new Res here.The other four will be introduced in the next issue of Open Hands. MayfairUMC (Chicago,lIlinois) Mayfair UMC's vote to become a Reconciling Congregation on August 6 was the culmination of fifteen months of prayer, study, and selfexamination. One member noted: "We discovered we already were an RC - we simply had not publicly declared it. Now we have!" Located on Chicago's conservative northwest side, Mayfair has experienced a mmsformation during the past decade. In 1982, the congregation was mostly comprised of elderly and latc middle-aged persons. Defying the myth that older congregations are resistant to change, Mayfair's members were open to new ideas and new leadership. This openness began to aUract new persons of diverse backgrounds, ages, and family styles. Mayfair's faithfulness and welcoming attitude convened it from a dying urban church into a vital and growing congregation in time for its centennial celebration in 1990. UMC 01 Osterville (Oste!ville, Massachusetts) Located on Cape Cod, ninety miles from Boston, Osterville is most like a suburban community. although it is not easy to categorize. The congregation has grown rapidly in recent years with a large influx of young families. Current membership is 400 members, with 300 altending worship each Sunday. The church school and the youth Fall 1992 program are also growing. Most adult members have auained a high level of fonnal education. The congregation is active on the mission front. Most recently, the youth group traveled to South Carolina to build houses. Osterville's interest in the RCP was initiated by its Outreach Committee. Osterville has been the host for the Cape Cod chapter of Affirmation. First St John's UMC (San Francisco, Cal~omia) First St. John's is one of lhe oldest Protestant churches in nonhern California. It is a predominately minority congregation with a Mandarin- speaking fellowship and many English-speaking Asian·Americans. Other minority groups are also induded among its seventy·eight members. First St.John's was the first ~Peace with Justicen congregation (a program of the United Methodist Board of Church and Society) in its conference. It also served as a sanctuary for military resisters during the Persian Gulf crisis. Church members have traveled to Central America to support peacemaking The congregation has shared its building with the Golden Gate congregation of the Metropolitan Community Church. First UMC (COIVallis, Oregon) Located across the street from Oregon State University, First UMC has a long-time connection with this university. Many university faculty and staff are among its 950 members. The campus ministry relates to the congregation. First UMC has a strong emphasis on community outreach, hOUSing a day care center and play school. The congregation recently completed a major renovation project to make its facilities handicapped·accessible. First UMCs two full-time clergy, half-lime educator, and other part· time staff oversee a wide·ranging program to meet the needs of a congregation which covers the full spectrum of ages. Each Sunday both a contemporary style and traditional worship service are held. Trinity UMC (Austin, Texas) Trinity UMC was founded in 1946 in a new suburb of Austin. After a surge of growth in the 1950s, the congregation entered a downward spiral which ended about six years ago. At that lime a consultant assisted (hem in developing a long-tenn plan. In order to attract younger families, the congregation began a Parents Night Out program. Trinity now has a membership of 250, with an average of 120 persons in worship on Sunday. Many new members were community activists of the 1960s who have not related to a church in the past. These members are actively engaged in a wide array of community ministries, such as Habitat for Humanity, Reading is Fundamental, Haircuts for Homeless. The congregation recently restructured its decision-making style, using teams rather than the traditional committees. An alternative worship experience based upon creationcentered spirituality draws forty-five persons each week. The pastor reports that the Uheart of Trinity" is its prayer time. We welcome these five new Reconciling Congregations with their rich diversity to our growing reconcil· ing movement. 21 l I Presbyterian High Court "Sets Aside" Spahr's Call The Rev. Dr. Jane Spahr's caU to serve as one of the co-pastors of Downtown United Presbyterian Church in Rochester, New York was ~set aside~ by the PennanentJudicial Commission of the denomination in early November. Their decision was a somewhat surprising conclusion to a church drama which unfolded over the past year. In the fall of 1991, the Downtown Presbyterian congregation (a More light Church) voted overwhelmingly to call Spahr as one of its co-pastors. Spahr had been recommended unanimously by its nominating commitlee. The congregation was fully infonned throughout the process that she was in a commil1ed relationship with another woman. Spahr's call was immediately challenged by ten pastors in the Genesee Valley Presbytery in the Rochester area. However, the presbytery upheld the congregation lastJanuary by a vote of 105 to 66. Opponents appealed this decision to the Northeast Synod of the Pennanent Judicial Commission which once again upheld the congregation by a 9 to 1 vote last July. The General .Assembly Permanent Judicial Com" mission was the final step to which Spahr's opponents could appeal. When the United Presbyterian Church adopted its ban on the ordination of homosexual persons in 1978, a "grandparent" clause was also approved, exempting any gay or lesbian clergy who had been ordained before that time. The call to Spahr was believed to be within the bounds of Presbyterian law, since she was ordained in 1974. However, the Permanent Judicial Commission, by a vote of 12 to 1, overturned the intent of the grandpar- I • Join thousands of Lesbians and Gays who are enjoying Second Stone. a national ecumenical Christian ncw~journal. Meet brave men and women who are confronting social injustice and religious bigotry. Explore family and relationship issues. Find out about life changing retreats and other fellowship opportunities. Second Stone feels like family. Order your subscription today! YESt Begin my subscription to SECOND STONE for [ II Year, $13.00 [ 12 Years, $25.00 { J Mail in plain envetope. (Add $2,00 per year.) International subscribers add 510.00 per year. U.S. currency. ent clause by ruling thaI lesbian or gay clergy who were ordained before 1978 would still have to abide by church law adopted thereafter. Therefore, as Spahr noted, the choice is "to repent or be celibate or lie." Downtown Presbyterian Church issued a statement saying that: "The Rev. Jane Spahr will always be a part of our family of faith. Lesbian, gay, and -:- bisexual persons have served Christ's Church faithfully throughout the ages. Please join your prayers with ours - that one day God will open the hearts of the whole church to receive their gifts." : % You are encouraged to send letters of support to the Downtown Presbyterian Church (121 N. Fitzhugh Street, Rochester, NY 14616) andJane Spahr (c/o Spectrum, 1000 Sir Francis Drake Blvd., San Anselmo, CA 94960). [ I 3 Years, $36.00 Engaging Features & Columns Name _____________________ ___ Address ______________________ _ City, State, ZIP ________ _ News from Gay Christian Groups Ncwsbriefs I Calendar I Book Review SECOND Sl'ONE, Box 8340, New Orleans, LA 70182 Hctreats, Travel & New friends 22 Open Hands Changes in Open Hands Not resting on our laurels from the Award of Merit which Open Hands received from the Associated Church Press, we are moving forward on ~ral fronts to enhance Open Hands and to sustain its long-tenn development. First, we have instituted a new editorial arrangement with a single editor. We arc pleased to welcome Mary Jo Ostennan as the new editor of 0pa1 Hands . Mary Jo has a long history of invONcment with the reconciling movement. Mary Jo earned a Ph.D. in religion from Nonhwestern University and taught Christian Education at Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary. From 1982-91 she senul as the director of Kinhean, a lesbian/feminist women's center in Evanston, illinois which she founded with her late panner, Phyllis Athey. Among her dUlles there, Mary background and creative gifts will be a boon to Open Hands. Second, we have brmed an interdenominational editOrial advisory committee comprised of persons from the "welcoming" programs in the various denominations. This committee will meet annually to evaluate the magazine and to recommend the themes and content of future issues. Committee Finally, beginning with the Winter 1993 issue, Open Hands will officially become interdenominational. The More Li ht Churches Ne twork P n), nan fmnin churches United Church of ChrisQ, an Reconciled in Christ churches (Lutheran) are joining l1le Reconciling COngrega tion Program as publishers of the magazine. In order to cover this wkler range of concerns, the size of the magazine will be increased from twenty -four to thirty-two pages (at no exIra cost to you!). While the other programs will underwrite the additional expenses of the larger magazine, the Reconciling Congregation Program will continue to provide the primary fmandal support for the magazine . Jo developed resources and led workshops on eradicating homophobia in the church. She recently relocated lO Colorado Beck Row (left to right) Dick Poole (RIC), Brad RyfIllh (ReP), (>aU Sanlilan (Rep). Mary J:l Osterman (00 EditOl"), Mark Bowman (Rep Coordinator), AM Marie Coleman (ONA), Dan Hooper (RIC), Emil"IO PI.Iv&r (RIC). These changes are intended to sel in place an editorial process to ensure the continuation of the high-quality tradition of Open Hands, to strengthen the bonds within the «welcoming" movement across denominational Hnes, and to broaden the subscriber base and thereby ensure the long-term. financial viability of Open Hands . As where she is beginning her own business, AlIerVJsions, through Front Row (lett to right) Peg Seissert (Ml), Derli:k KrI<l.dli (Ml), Garolir.e PresneU (ReP), Reva Anderson (W), Dan SIem tONAl. Photo by Bert Gamer which she offers workshops, tminmg events, support groups and ncv.r resources on homophobia, heterosexism and coming out issues. Mary Jo's ric h members will be av<iilable to advise and assist the editor during the course of the these changes unfold in the co ming months, we continue to welcome your feedback After all, Open Hands is published for you. Y"" • Rep FRIEND. Rep ANGEL. Rep FRIEND. Rep ANGEL. Rep FRIEND. Rep ANGEL. Rep FRIEND. RCP Board Plans Annual Campaign To Sustain Program Growth The Reconciling Congregation Program (Rep) is growing. Nine congregations havc joined the program since August I. Severn l more congregations are scheduled to vote in the next few months. At least 200 more churches arc In various stages of becoming Reconciling Congrcgat ions. The Open Hands' list has grown by 75 percentln the past eighteen months_ The third national convocation of Reconciling Congregations will draw about 300 persons 10 Washington, D.C. next July. The program now has a nationa l office and a full-time coordinator. Sustaining this growth of our movement and responding 10 ever-increasing interest requires increased financial resources. To provide this needed financial suppon the Board will launch an annual campaign in 1993, to raise at least $65,000 from individuals and families to support the national ministries of the RCP. Meeting this goal would represent a 23 pe rcent increase over projected contributions for 1992. The campaign has two aspe cts. First, Optn Hands' subscribers will be invited to become RCP Friends when they renew their subscriptions. A basic friend's contribution of $35 will cover the full cost of publisning an annual subscription plus r-all 1992 provide a small contribution toward other program costs. This will free up program fund s which are now used to subsidize Open Hands . The Board's goal for 1993 is at least 250 RCP Friends. Second, th e Board witt be inviting RCP Angels to make annual pledges of $100 to $5,000 for 1993. Currently 150 individuals and families pledge monthly or make contributions annually in that range_ The Board invites you to consider prayerfully the value of th e continued growth of the RC movement to you and to the church and to decide whether you would be willing to become an Rep Friend or RCP Angel. You wHl be invited to become an RCP friend with the next rencv.'31 of your Open Hands' subscription. Current donors Will receive a specialletlcr inJanuar}' inviting them 10 become RCP Angels. But you don't have to walt to be askedl Yo u can help launc h this program for 1993 by making a contribution of $35 or more bdore the end of 1992_ Upon doing so, you'll be considered a charter member of RCP Friends. 23 _ J I ARIZONA Tu>con St. Francis in the Foothills CALIfORNIA Albany Albany UMC Btrkdty Trinity UMC Fair Oaks Fair Oaks UMC Fresno WesleyUMC HQllywood Hollywood UMC Los Angeles United Urll~-ersily Wilshire UMC Wesley Found.uion UCLA Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC San Francisw Bethany UMC Calvary UMC First SI_john's UMC Hamilton UMC Trinity UMC Santa Monica Church in Ocean Park Vacaville SI. Paul's UMC W/:Sl HollYwood Crescent Heights UMC COLORADO l)cn,.-er 51. Paul's UMC DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington Chrisl UMC Dumbanon UMC RECONCIUNG CONGREGATIONS GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park.Aldersgatt: UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albany Park UMC Irving Park UMC Mayfair UMC Parish of the Holy Covcnant United Church of Rogers Park EvanSlOn Hemenway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Parh Euclid Avenue UMC Winfield Winfield UMC IOWA Des Moines Trinity UMC KANSi\S MiSSIon ecumenikos LOUISIANA N(w Orkans 51. Mark's UMC MARYLAND Bc:thimorc Stjohn's UMC MASSACHUSETTS Dan~us Holy Trinity UMC Osterville UMC of Osterville MINNESOTA Minneapolis Prospect l',1rk UMC Walker Community UMC Wesley UMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC NEW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC Our)"i"e Craryville UMC New York Church of St. Paul (,: 51. Andrew Metropolitan·Duane UMC Washington Square UMC OnWn!a Firsl UMC OHIO Columbus Third A'"enue Community Church Toledo Central UMC OREGON Corvollis First UMC Es/aCllda Estacada UMC Port/and Metanoia Peace Community University Park UMC PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC First UMC of Germantown TENNESSEE Nasnville Edgehill UMC TEXAS Austin Trinity UMC HOU$lon Bering Memorial UMC WASHINGTON Stallle Capitol Hill UMC Wallingford UMC WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Shebo)gan Wesley UMC Reconciling Conferences California·NCWKIa New York Northern J1linois T,oy Reconciling Commission General Commission on Christian Unily and Interreligious Concerns Reconciling Organization Methodist Federation for Social Action ANNOUNCING The Third National Convocation of Reconciling Congregations 1'0rne on t&e l'reat& of -god 0 ~+\l ~ ~) Rememberln9 • Renewln9 • Reformln9 • Returnln9 ~, ~ '- ~ Q r July 8-11, 1993 A\~ \ at George Washington University ) ~ c "" ~ downtown Washington, D.C. .....:..'#'- f "..::::::..:::; - ..:--";j Plan now to join members of Reconciling Congregations, "exploring" congregations and other friends of the reconciling movement for this exhilarating weekend of: • spirit-filled worship • challenging Bible study • training for reconciling ministries • small group dialogue • dynamic speakers • joyous celebration Special programs for children and youth Complete program and registration information available in January, 1993. 24 Open Hands Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 8 No 2 - Aging and Integrity https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/9fef1933208433099586fdc565f61517.pdf eb250298446935c44b789ae57f1eebf3 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 8 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1992 Publication Date The date the issue was published Summer Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine . ? Ilf' lS to yours. ... tt lS, gwe me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 __ --~ --Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 8 No. 1 Summer 1992 , ' ..... / /~~/"-~" ~ , '\ \. / / /"// -----",~"\"'" '\ Our Spirituality: f (I / ( ;,. ::----:,"', \\ ,\\ \ \ .How Sexual Expression f ( ( I '0 \\\ \\and Sexual Oppression , Sh I , , ')' \\ J I \ \ \ \ \ \ \ /; ), I' I • • ,. ape t \ \. ~ '--/ \ \ \..'" '-----, ~'--.-" \. $5.00 . Summer 1992 Open Hands is published quarterly · by the Reconciling Congregation : Program, Inc., as a resource for · congregations and individuals seeking · to be in ministry with lesbians and · gay men. Each issue of Open Hands · focuses on a particular area of · concern related to gay men and : lesbians within the church. The Reconciling Congregation · Program is a network of United · Methodist local churches that publicly · affirm their ministry with the whole · family of God and welcome lesbians : and gay men into their community of · faith. In this network, Reconciling · Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome · the divisions caused by prejudice and · homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations · along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ/Disciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming (Unitarian : Universalist) congregations-offer · hope that the church can be a · reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage · in these ministries, the Reconciling · Congregation Program provides : resource materials, including Open · Hands. Informatitm about the · program and these resources can be · obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Phone: 312 / 736-5526 Fax: 312 / 736-5475 · 2 · Our Spirituality: How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It · An Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 4 Chris Glaser · INTEGRATING SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY: PERSONAL PERSPECTIVES I Don't Get Baptized Anymore ........................................... 6 Mark King Mending the Split. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 6 Anonymous Touching God, Touching Yourself, Being Touched ......................... 8 George Wilson · Death and Incest ........ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 9 Melinda Valiant McLain : A Spirituality of Creative Marginality ................... ... . . .. . ........... 10 Eric H. F. Law · Learning to Love the Body . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 12 Howard Rice · Love Between Monastic Women. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 12 E. Ann Matter SEXUALITY AND WORSHIP The Body in Worship ................................................... 14 Zalmon O. Sherwood The Dangerous Song of the Wild Geese: Sexuality and Liturgy. . . . . . . . . . .. 15 Elizabeth Stuart The Worship Process and Word Processing ............................... 17 John S. Rice Sustaining the Spirit ...................................................... 18 We Sing to Live Jon Bailey · Resources. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 19 · A Closing Co-Editor's Note ................................................ 20 It's Time to Say Good-bye and Be On My Journey Bradley Rymph · Letters ........................ ............ ................................ 21 · RCP Report ......... .... ................ .. .............. .. ................ 22 Open Hands I Our Spirituality: How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It :\ this issue of OpenHands, people from various embodiments describe their ;pirituality with specific reference to how sexual oppression and sexual expressIOn. h h d 't I. Thi'S Issue,s coord'mator, Ch'ns Gl . . 11 h ave s ape aser, mtentiona y as selected people with different sexualities, spiritualities, and embodiments because, to more fully know the Body of Christ (as Paul conceptualized the church), we must know more about members of that body. Our experience of God is incomplete without that knowledge. Ironically, the only prospective authors who declined Chris's invitation out of fear of the church's political climate were heterosexual! We open with Chris providing a theological and personal context by framing this issue's central question-how do sexual expression and sexual oppression shape our spirituality? In the personal stories that follow, we hear the plaintive cry of a gay man living with HIV without the support of religious belief, the quandary of a bisexual campus pastor trying to live out ''both-and,'' and the difficult discovery of a heterosexual pastor that spiritual quest and sexual embodiment go together. We hear the voices of a survivor of incest no longer afraid of death, of a Chinese American who desperately tried to fit into American society, and of a differently abled professor trying to learn to love his body. From a more generalized, analytical viewpoint, we read of the lesbian and gay experience in history, the body in worship, worship that is unique to us, and worship as an agent of social change. As a closing feature, this issue's "Sustaining the Spirit" tells us of the singing witness of the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles as it confronts AIDS-reminding us that much of the spirituality of the lesbian and gay community is "nonspecific" yet is possibly more vital and accessible than anything the church has to offer. Chris Glaser dedicates his work on this issue of Open Hands in memory and thanksgiving for: • A loving couple who helped shape our spirituality through different communities: Lyle Loder through Affirmation and Jack Frost through the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles; and • An individual whose life embodied the gentleness of Jesus and whose writing and editing reflected God's creativity: David Jessup. Next Issue's Theme: Age-Related Issues in the Lesbian / Gay Community Summer 1992 · Reconciling Congregation · ProgramCoordinator · Mark Bowman . . Open Hands Co-Editors . Betsy 1. Halsey . B dl R h . ra ey ymp . This Issue's Coordinator . Chris Glaser · Editorial Assistant Van Dixon · Graphic Design/Cover Illustration · Brenda Roth Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the United States). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters to the editors, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Phone: 312 / 736-5526 Fax: 312 / 736-5475 Copyright © 1992 by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. Winner, 1992 Award of Merit for "General Excellence," The Associated Church Press. · ISSN 0888-8833 *Printed on recycled paper. 3 Our Spirituality: · How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It-An Introduction · by Chris Glaser · 4 · W hen asked to serve as coordinator for an issue of . Open Hands that focused on · sexuality and spirituality, I was hon· ored. I have read, contemplated, · spoken, and written about the rela· tionship of spirituality and sexuality · for 20 years-this summer marks my · . 20th anniversary out of the closet, as .' well as the 15th anniversary of the · Lazarus Project,1 which I directed for · 10 years. Both events required an · understanding and an explanation of · the integrity of sexuality and spirituality. Coming out of the closet, I under· stood myself as a gay Christian, a term that many Christians still con· sider an oxymoron. Initiating a minis· try for gay and lesbian Christians · involved explaining the juxtaposition · of sexuality and spirituality not only to the church but also to the lesbian and gay community, many of whom · believed they needed to make a choice · between their sexuality and their faith. To be quite honest, I have become · a little tired and a little bored by this · topic. As I try to put my finger on the · reason why, I have come to the con· clusion that it is because of the apolo· getic way in which those of us who · do this type of work need to broach · the subject in a earth-and-body-deny· ing Christian church. Despite the · earthiness of Yahweh, forming the · first human out of earth, despite the · sensual touch of Jesus' miracles, from · turning water to wine to placing mud · made from spit on a blind man's eyes, · and despite the emphasis of the early · church on baptism by immersion, · communion by ingestion, and resur· rection of the body, the early church · fathers whored after the false god of a · spirit and body duality derived from · Hellenistic and Persian thought. In presentations, I have spoken of "the dance of spirituality and sexual· ity," and sometimes have been ques· tioned about whether the image · doesn't conjure up yet another dual· ity. I believe it does, and reveals our · limitation in how we usually frame the discussion. A cynical gay friend · of mine may have been closer to the · truth when he once quipped sarcastically, "To you, sexuality is spirituality." He might conclude the same of those Open Hands who write in the field, such as theologians Carter Heyward and James B. Nelson. To even talk or write about sexuality and spirituality suggests a duality that we are all trying to overcome by speaking of their integrity. Their integrity is, in one sense, inherent, not simply a product of integration. For erotic power drives them both. Eros, that passion for communion with the other, is as integral to the spiritual quest as to the sexual quest. Yet the discussion of sexuality and spirituality is only one door, I believe, into the broader discussion of body and spirit. Unconsciously for me, the valuing of embodiment led me first to concerns of social justice: equality regardless of embodiment. Hunger, war, racism, sexism, domination, exploitation, control, pollution, etc.: virtually all evils-political and personal-arise from a devaluing of someone's or some group's or earth's embodiment. As I reacted against this denial of the body in other areas, I became aware of the denial of my own embodied experience: my sexuality. But though the Body of Christ, the church, served relatively well in challenging other forms of what might be called embodiment injustice, it became the opposition in matters of sexual justice for women, gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals. Patriarchy largely accounts for this. The images of a celibate Christ and a misogynist Paul don't counter this oppositionthough Jesus' behavior toward women and Paul's liberating ideas do, and could lead the church beyond patriarchy and sexual injustice. The central theological assertion of Christianity is that God became flesh in Jesus Christ. Implicit in this understanding is that the divine and the human can come together, and that the body is as hallowed as the spirit, and that embodiment is how we come to know God. Even when the body of Jesus of Nazareth left us, we were not left without an embodiment, as Paul conceptualized the church as the Body of Christ. We know God through our bodies and through God's body, or we do not know God at all. That means we know God through our sexuality as well. Summer 1992 In the process of thinking about how sexual oppression and sexual expression have shaped our spirituality, we each might re-view our individual spiritual development. For example, as a youth, sexual oppression prompted my long talks with God, the foundation of a personal · prayer life in which I also learned to listen for God in my embodied experience. The negative signals about sexuality and homosexuality that all · children receive made me seek out God's unconditionally loving presence. Homophobia that drove a homosexual member from my childhood church helped me to identify the injustice he experienced in the guise of "Christian concern" and called me into the "body politic" -the political life of both church and society. Acceptance of my sexuality, on the other hand, led me to recognize and to enjoy my gay love as a gift from God, causing me to theologize anew and interpret scripture afresh in college. It also helped me to believe in God in times of doubt, since, as I recently heard · Jim Nelson say, "Pleasure is the strongest argument for the existence of God." Integration of my being gay and Christian created within me a passion for a ministry of reconciliation between the church and the les · bian, gay, and bisexual communities. · Now, the church's long delay in acceptance and my community's experience of AIDS reveals to me a necessary · eternal perspective-of God's even · tual vindication of our just cause, as well as of God's everlasting embrace of each one of us-and an expansive perspective-of spirituality unconfined to closets of particular dogmas and creeds and communities. Prayer, justice, theology, scripture, pleasure, passion, and vision characterize the spirituality God has graciously shaped within me by experiences of sexual oppression and sexual expression. Yet I could not have put seemingly random events into a context of · meaning were it not for the body of · Jesus who touched the Body of · Christ, which then embraced me. I · had never realized before that through embodiment-with all of its suffering and all of its glory-God --0-We know God through our bodies and through God's body, or we do not know God at all. That means we know God through our sexuality as well. ------10'----could call forth a well-rounded spirituality. God's Word did and can . become flesh. For the church, for us, to embrace a well-rounded spirituality means reaching out with open hands to embrace the Incarnation and the incarnation, God-with-us and God-withinus. We need one another's embodiments to expand our experience and enjoyment of God . .... REFERENCE 1 The Lazarus Project-based at the West Hollywood Presbyterian Church in California- is a ministry that works to reconcile the church with the lesbian/gay community. Chris Glaser is the coordinator for this issue of Open Hands and is the author of three books: Uncommon Calling: A Gay Man's Struggle to Serve the Church; Come Home! Reclaiming Spirituality and Ministry as Gay Men and Lesbians; and Coming Out to God: Prayers for Lesbians, Gay Men, Their Families and Friends. 5 INTEGRATING SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY o I Don't Get Baptized Anymore o by Mark King At a Methodist summer camp ished me from ever worshipping o o o o o when I was a young teenager, I there again. o enjoyed the guilty pleasure of youth-I don't get baptized anymore. o o ful, experimental sex with another o boy in our secluded cabin in the That was all a lifetime ago. Now, o o o o woods. We never discussed it after-at 31, I've grown weary of search- wards, never tried it with each other ing for an undefinable God. I say this o oo again, and probably prayed with after many tears, because I would like o oo equal fervor that the act be erased nothing more than to believe in some- o oo from our hearts and souls. thing good out there. When my friends o oo o o H would not be the first time that are dying of AIDS, it would be comreligion and my sexuality would forting to know that they were being o o directly square off in a fight for my taken to a loving and accepting God. I o o o o o o loyalties. Just as that summer was could use that assurance myself. oo both a spiritual and sexual awakening When my best friend lay dying of o oo for me, so the next 10 years became a AIDS, hopelessly disbelieving of any search for a resolution between the spiritual afterlife, I watched with soro oo o o two. The search has been a sincere, row mixed with intense interest. I exhausting, and fruitless one. looked for God in the room when he o o I used to get baptized at the thump drew his final breath, for the curtains o of a Bible. In my teenage years follow-to move, for a spirit to pass. There was o o ing camp, I saw each baptism as a no one, and I believe my friend, my o o new chance to wash clean the homo-dear brother, died ultimately alone. o o o sexual thoughts and acts I had experi-I haven't stopped looking for God, o o enced. My parents weren't especially although I've stopped looking in religious, and I would secretly attend church. I try to see God in a beautiful o o o revivals and Christian youth meetings o of every kind. I was baptized Metho odist, Catholic, and Baptist (a number Mending the Split o of times-they love to dunk). Anonymous As I came to terms with my homo-o o o sexuality, though, it became harder to E verything I learned about sexual- o o o accept these religions and their ver-ity I learned by observing my o o o sion of God on their own terms. I was own unfolding. Yet my coming out o o o trying very hard to accept my sexual-took years because of polarization in o o o ity and be proud of it, but there was the spiritual-sexual world I inhabited. o o o no religious doctrine to back me up. I knew mother and father, women o o o By 17, I hid being gay entirely, got and men, hetero-and homo-sexualities-o o o baptized again, and joined the Mor-and the twain never met. As I grew, o o o mon Church. I sincerely liked the the external splittings I observed were o o o people there because they had strong gradually mirrored within; and once _ o o o families and the young people my age internalized, took on a life of their o o o really seemed to take an interest in own. Only much later could I feel the o o o their religious culture. I finally opened urge to connection within myself that o o o up to a church member about my had long been submerged. But that is o sexuality and was immediately ex-o getting ahead of the story. : o communicated. The very family val-I think I first discovered the split o o o ues I admired about the church ban-linguistically. As woman-child trying : 6 day or the eyes of a loved one, but in nothing much more religious. I am HIV positive, and can't help but think my time here is limited. I am not looking forward to the pain of illness, but what terrifies me is dying without the comfort of believing I am going to that ''better place" I've heard so much about. I feel there is still time for me to come to some sort of belief, but I feel so burned from years of trial and failure. I know I'm a good person. I know I've conducted a thorough and sincere search for God, taking many years and trying many religions. My question is this. If I have taken half my life trying to find God, why won't God take just a moment to find me? Mark King is the director of public relations for the Los Angeles Shanti Foundation, which provides counseling and education to those affected by HIV and AIDS. "Shanti" is Sanskrit for "inner peace." to frame my own reality in speech, I was silenced and unable to describe myself to those "in charge." I experimen ted with other languages-those of different countries and cultures; those of art, music, and poetry. I became bilingual in French and English. But, more interestingly, I became bilingual in the languages of male-and femaleness, of power and submission, separation and relation. I learned to speak them well and became an academic success. Although true integration did not, perhaps could not, occur, it was a start. I became fascinated with speech and began taking voice lessons. One Open Hands INTEGRATING SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY .fgving (jod, :Your lieaUng embrace is sealed in our Iiearts; Waters cannot quencli tfr.e streams ofyour fove, nor can tlie risingffootfs arO'Uln it. rrotfay be witli tliose wlio tnow twin rivers in ourfoving, wlio sing 'tlie wliofe ofyour song in one breatli. (jemini, we tliriflto tlie auai toucli ofwomen anamen in your Iiofy creation; We see you in images retfoubfetl anafoulyour sfiafom in fove sjuffness. ~totliers, misuntlerstooaanafearful, woultl spfit usfrom our se[ves anaaiminisli us by liafj, forcing clioices. rroucli our liearts anacreate us anew, 0 (jod, tliat we may a£[ freefy anafaitlijuffy imagine tliegforious realm ofyour foving. 'Dearest Jesus, We remember tlie fJJefovetl1Jiscipfe sIieatl on your breast, anatlie [ift-giving toucliing between you anawomen. We tnowyou openetl to fove freefy,giving witliout stereotyping anawitliout counting tlie cost. rreacli us anatoucIi us as we cross oft{boundaries, rewriting tlie maps ofLove s journey in our fives. 'BefoveaLover anaSpiritfrientl, Jfelp us tnow in ourse{ves anawelCome in otliers tlie ricIi possi6i[ities fqr foving you in tlie Wqrft£. May we arinkJrom your fiving waters, anatnow tlie ever/lowing streams of your fove in our 0'UIn foving, witli eacIi otlier anawitli you. In yourstrong name we pray. .9lmen. -f}Jise~woman offaitli Reprinted from The Healing Touch-Embodying Christianity, the 1992 More Light Prayer Book (January issue of the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian &Gay Concerns). day, I stopped dead in my tentative tracks when I read the title of my teacher's text: Freeing the Natural Voice. I realized that, although I had learned many languages and sung many songs, my natural voice still eluded me. From then on, my journey was intensely spiritual and sexual. I was born "holy," as we all are; yet as child and woman drawn to God, I found only walls, outdated maps. Liturgy's language for humans and God loomed an insurmountable barrier. Doors to ordination were shut tight. And God, who was clearly sexual, was also clearly heterosexual and male. Summer 1992 "What was a girl to do?" Like · many of my sisters, I married a per · son I wanted to be. Not recognizing · the need for reunion within myself, I · tried forced complementarity with · out. Of course, it was as untenable a · resolution to the splittings I experi · enced as was bilingualism: it was arti · ficial at the core. Yet, as I experienced • the limping oneness of the two of us, · I continued to observe myself and God, and to grow. The necessary missing piece for · me fell in the field of inclusive lan· guage, and especially God-language. · Talking about it in "secular feminist" · circles didn't resolve my dilemma, nor did reading about it in the feminist theological tomes I devoured. The practice of worship was necessary for me: repeated worship in which the image of God was re-presented in a multiplicity of ways: feminine, masculine, and more. I needed to worship . in order to imagine and experience the fullness of God's sexuality. I had eons of dualistic thinking to erase before arriving at a fully erotic Godimage and, of course, a fully lovable and loving self. Mending the split began when I was able to "experience my own experience" of loving both women and men. It began with learning to love the me that had been declared unacceptable, whose erotic energies fit no one's definitions. It began with learning that healthy connection with women and men lovers rested on connection within myself of my sundered selves. When God's sexuality was liberated from reductionist divisions, so was my own; and in God's lovely wholeness my own reunion became possible. My personal journey even makes language of ambi/bisexuality seem restrictive. I love God/others/myself. I experience relationships with one/ more/none at a given time. I know man and woman; celibacy; auto-eroticism; and in seconds, over time, at once, in stages. I have friends/lovers (present and past) / alone time. I know a spilling-over of Love's possibilities, and they are all good. To the world, of course, I am bisexual. I unabashedly love men and women, and I live alone. I socialize with one or another; I am invited out alone-and in the latter case I am called to play many roles, both those stereotypically feminine and masculine, from my wholeness. There are no longer barriers on my self-expression or the exercising of my being. And I understand Godlikeness far more fully as I freely know God and others. 7 1 N T E G RAT 1 N G S P 1 R 1 T U ALI T Y AND SEX U A L °1 T Y learn that I am not, after all, so discontinuous with myself in my sexual! spiritual pilgrimage. That I should "feel after" and now and then "find" some space where wholeness and release are both spiritual and sexual with Ann (neither over or upon or by her) is an experience of grace. Such discoveries and gifts have encouraged me enough to share with a few of my male friends some of the pain, loneliness, and blessing of my closeted and recently more open journey to be one person. This sharing has added to my blessing. I wonder if the communion of the Holy Spirit does not mean in some large degree the deliverance of usmale, female, gay, heterosexual, les · bian-from the bondage of being sexual! spiritual victims. That most of us have been victimized to some extent-closeted-by our victimized families and society at large is obvious. Healing is in order, and that is always a communal reality, something which breaks open, washes, · joins together. When Peter refuses to let Jesus wash his feet, Jesus says, "If I do not wash you, you can have nothing in common with me" (John 13:8, The Jerusalem Bible). The response is "not only my feet, but my hands · and my head as well." Peter was right. Those holy waters are for the whole of him and the whole of me and everyone: feet, hands, head, and everything between. The passage is not about cleanliness, but acceptance, community, and the ministry of wholeness-the coming together of the whole of us in the presence of each other and of God. We were · made for a household, God's household (oikomenos), not for closets. ~ George M. Wilson is a retired Presbyterian clergyman who lives on the Monterey Pen in• sula in California. He is married, and together, : Ann and he have eight children and nine • grandchildren who, he says, "fill us with hope • and, occasionally, some fear-as does the world in general." Open Hands My experience is just that; I do not · believe it to be better or more mature than the sexualized lives of my gay, les · bian, or straight friends. I merely claim its truth, its legitimacy, and its common location with all sexuality in God's great heart. I don't think that the politics or responsibilities, pains or joys, of · bisexuality are substantially different from those of all God's lovers, in the end. We do not yet live in a world that can bear Love's truth, although we must live as if we do. For now, it is enough that the truth is coming out; that despite the power of denial, we will be known. So for now, I am content. Whole and holy, lover and loved, many yet one, I am at home. ~ The author describes herself first as a woman of faith . She is "a bisexual campus · pastor in a denomination still tied in knots • over the issue of homosexuality." Being Touched by Geo1'8e M. Wilson In my seventh decade I believe I have discovered that when I was very young, under five, I was severely punished for either saying sexual words or "touching myself" (as was said in those days, assuming it was · bad of course), or for saying theologi · calor scatological words, like "hell," "damn," "shit," etc. Part of my punishment was sitting in a dark closet somewhat like the entrance to Narnia in C. S. Lewis's tales, contemplating my sins and seeking God's forgiveness. For decades I have wondered about the unnamed sins upon which I meditated in those early years of · theological and pyschological conditioning. All I could remember until recently was that I learned to ca1cu · late what was an acceptable passage of time (in the eyes of the authority under which I lived) for a reasonable meditation and repentance. Perhaps I have been meditating and repenting in that closet for six decades, though such a spiritual exercise would seem excessive, I should think, even to my grandmother who so ensconced me. But with the help of all sorts of people, especially my wife · Ann, some light has dawned. I believe Touching God, Touching Yourself, I know the "sins" .now, but even more than their specificity, I am relieved to know their conjunction. Grandmother was right: theology, or · better, spiritual quest and sexual embodiment do go together. Reach · ing out to God and touching yourself or being touched are related. But · grandmother, victim as she was, put a painful and burdensome "spin" on my early searching for God and searching for myself. The image of the closet, which I · believe could have as much significance for heterosexual as gay males, has been very real in my life. If I sub · merged the content and connected · ness of those early theological and sexual meditations, I never forgot the setting. But then, of course, I had to forget the connections in order to survive in my grandmother'S, my · parents', and even my own world: a world where heterosexual males · rarely if ever permit themselves to discuss, let alone deal with, their · conjoined sexual-spiritual selves. · Women and therapists are the exclusive confidants or spiritual masters for those infrequent .times. How fortunate I have been to be · with Ann, and with her to begin to 8 o£).~r}-I )."'10 1~IC£S~r can honestly say I have never been afraid of death. As a religious woman, I wish I could say my fearlessness is / was the result of faith in the mold of Joan of Arc, but truth be told, I do not fear death because I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. A dear lesbian feminist friend of mine recently admitted to me she was growing quite obsessed and terrified of death. "You know," she said to me, "after burying friend after friend who has died from AIDS, I am dreaming about death and am very afraid I will die soon. I am frightened because I believe that my death will truly be the end." She was astonished when I said to her quite honestly I am not and never have been afraid of death. "Oh come on, Melinda, you're not going to give me some pat Christian answer, are you?" Her question put my mind in a whirl. No, the "pat" answers do not immediately come to mind. Why am I not afraid of death? Where have I acquired this uncommon calm? Oh. ~aybe it's the .... The reason began to become clear. What in my experience has given me the sure knowledge that my spirit will go on beyond my bodily existence? any survivors of incest/childhood sexual abuse develop some very special coping skills in order to endure their trauma. We learn to "dissociate," to "go away." In my experience this felt / feels like complete separation from my body, splitting, an "out of body" experience. And like many of those who have been clinically dead and have had an "out of body" experience, I no longer fear death. The logic is easy. If you know and know that you know that your "soul" or "consciousness" can exist separate from your body, it is easy to conclude that body and soul are only temporarily connected. In death, only the connection with the body is ended. As a child in trauma, this ability to dissociate comes naturally and in self- Summer 1992 by Melinda Valliant McLain : defense. It is a gift which allows the · child to survive the trauma. When the · adult begins to remember the abuse · and begins the healing process, this "coping skill" often returns. And · sometimes at the most inopportune · moments. Sally (fictional name), a survivor · of ritual sexual abuse, was walking · through a ..park with her lover, Susan, · in a city which was unfamiliar to : them. A group of strange men began · to follow them. Susan became con· cerned and picked up the pace of · their walking. Sally looked glazed · and sort of blithely walked alongside : her lover, who practically had to drag : her along. After they had reached the : home where they were staying, Sally : was quite normally chatty and inquired · of her lover if she wanted to go out · for dinner. Susan, still shaken from · their experience in the park, stared at · her in disbelief and asked if she had · realized how dangerous their walk · through the park had been. Sally · calmly asked her lover, "When did · we walk through a park?" Later the two discovered that the · particular park they had stumbled · upon was notorious for the number : of rapes which have been perpetrated · there. Whether the men were consid· ering rape is unimportant. The two · women reacted differently to a situa: tion in which both feared sexual vio· lence. The nonabused woman was · fearful and used her fear to take pro· tective action. The survivor simply "checked out" to the point of amnesia · of the event. Never as an adult have I dissoci· ated in a dangerous situation. Only in : the safety of a therapeutic massage · session have I re-experienced the dis· sociation which helped me survive · the childhood sexual abuse. In heal: ing from sexual abuse, many thera· pists quote the phrase, "The mind for· gets, but the body remembers." Indeed, · my healing was stymied as long as I · stayed "in my head." On the massage · table, recalling the abuse experience : while being safely touched brought : back the dissociation. The therapist I · worked with was very skilled, and she : saw me "leave." She immediately · talked me back by asking me direct · questions about objects in the room, : what I had eaten for breakfast, and · other items which forced me back to "reality." This power to dissociate, which I : imagine most yogis would envy, is a · difficult hurdle in the pathway to : healing from childhood sexual abuse. · For many survivors, dissociation often : occurs during consensual sexual · activity, even light kissing or hugging · may trigger the coping response. · When this happens, the results are · often painful and the strains on the relationship complex and difficult to · deal with. Most survivors I have met : have at some point had to be celibate for a significant period of time in · order to heal. In the past year or so since my friend asked me about death, I have : begun to reflect theologically upon : the ways in which childhood sexual · abuse has shaped my ideas about sexu: ality, spirituality, and God/ess. I have · come to make a few connections. 1. The Presbyterian human sexuality report came out with the wonderful title, "Keeping Body and Soul Together." For the sexual abuse survivor, this is a joyous call to healing because we are intimately aware of the high price splitting the two apart exacts from our wholeness. • 2. Though I was raised in the church and have been active most of my life in traditional protestant spiritual practices such as prayer, Bible study, and worship, I have only recently been able to really "feel" the power of the Holy Spirit in my life on a regular basis. It has become clear to me that my ability to connect with God/ess has grown in direct proportion to my healing 9 process of "keeping body and soul together." 3. As I learn to image God/ess in ways which are not reminiscent of the abusive relationship, my contact with the Divine One increases. In this way, inclusive language is not simply about affirming my identity with the image of God/ ess, but is an essential part of my healing from sexual abuse perpetrated by a male authority figure. Exclusively male, authoritarian, warrior images do not enhance my sense of right relatedness with God/ess, but in fact create distance, a spiritual dissociation. These images continue to model the relationship which created deep hurt and brokenness in my life. And my perpetrator was not my father. Imagine how those who were raped by their fathers feel when "He" is exalted in the liturgy of the Church. 4. It is estimated that one in three adult women and one in seven adult men in the United States are survivors of childhood sexual abuse/incest. Of reported cases, the vast majority of incest/ sexual abuse perpetrators are male and were themselves victims of abuse. How many survivors are in our pews? How many victims/perpetrators? Are they suffering in silence, or have they left the church? Are we enabling sexual abuse? What role could a Christian community of friends play to facilitate healing? These connections lead to more . questions, and an open-ended . multivoiced theological dialogue is . desperately needed. In the survivor . community, spirituality is a recog. nized tool of healing, but rarely do . therapists and survivors recommend . the church. Why? As is true in the . case of most sexual issues, the church . has been and remains silent. As long . as we in the church remain silent, we . will be unable to playa significant . role in the healing process of the : sexual abuse/incest survivor. End the silence about incest and . sexual abuse, for as the AIDS move. ment has so aptly said, "Silence . Equals Death." ~ • Melinda Valliant McLain is a lesbian femi· nist theological student at San Francisco • Theological Seminary. She is preparing to • be an agent of healing and liberation and is • committed to being silent no more. !Moonliglit crowns lier Iiead spruu[ing towara tlie eartli springingfortli in warmtli from an epicenter ofca£m. Jfer eyes are poofs ofcoofpear{izeagrey wliicli invite my soul to arinK..inlier care. YJ..nt{yet beyontl tlieselie tliegrace oflier toucIi, Bolit, but tfirect. genife, ofca£m purpose. '1(ow I begin to pontler tliejoy in me to be refeasetl sucIi ecstasy I can liartf(y comprelientl: wliat mysteries intfeet{sfuz[[ I K..nO'UJ? -Mefimfa McLain Reprinted from The Healing Touch -Embodying Christianity, the 1992 More Light Prayer Book (January issue of the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns). A SpiRiTUAliTY of CREATivE MARGiNAliTY by Eric H. E Law · By the time I was a junior in col-· in return but looked up and down and · Chinese roots in order to gain acceplege, I had tried for two years to · around the foyer as if I were not there. · tance by a world that would never · become as "American" as possible. At "W ould you like to sign our regis-· consider me as one of them! On that · that time, "American" meant white · trar?" He looked around some more · day, the world I tried so hard to become · American. Most of my friends were · as if he was trying to find "real" · part of no longer had its appeal. · white. I joined a fraternity. With my · people in the house. Without a word, As the walls of denial tumbled · college being in central New York · he turned around and walked out. · down, I discovered another part of · State, I was far away from Chinatown Alone, I did not know how to react · myself that I had kept hidden all my · in Manhattan, which had been my · to his behavior until I turned around · life in order to fit in: I was gay. · total reality during my teenage years. · and caught my reflection on the face of "Coming out" was not very hard at I thought I had it made until one · the grandfather clock. "I don't look like · this point because I no longer cared · day, during rush week, I was in · everybody else in this place," I said to · whether people accepted me or not. · charge of greeting freshmen in the · myself. He was looking for a white man. · One more thing would not make that · foyer of my fraternity house. It was · He must have thought it was an Asian · much difference. So I came out to my · still pretty early and I was the only · fraternity. I felt like I had just crashed · fraternity, my priest, and my Bible · one around. A blond, boyish fresh-· into a brick wall filled with graffiti · study group. That all went very well. · man walked through the door. · that said, "You are not one of us!" Then I set out to look for another "Hi, welcome," I said and extended How did I fool myself into believ-· community in which I could fit. · my hand. He did not extend his hand · ing that I could melt into this melting · "There must be a gay and lesbian · pot? How foolish I was to deny my · 10 Open Hands community," I said to myself. "When I find it, I will be home." I romanticized that this community would be open and accepting independent of people's color or race because we suffered a common oppression. With some research, I discovered the only gay bar in town. One evening, after regularly attending for several months, I found myself standing alone in the corner of this dark, smoke-filled room, waiting. No one talked to me. No one even looked at me. No one invited me to dance. When another Asian came in, I felt competitive. I went to the college gay and lesbian dance; the same thing happened. When it came to race relations, the gay community, which I dreamed would accept me, was no more than a micro version of the straight world. "You are not one of us!" echoed in my head again and again. Home was not in the gay world. Home was certainly not the white world. Perhaps, my only home was to go back to the Chinese community. I would graduate from college, find a well-paying job, get married, buy a car, buy a house, and have children. This way I would always have my family, my Chinese community, and my security. But I could not do that. I had changed since my arrival in the United States eight years before. I could no longer buy totally into the Chinese culture, with its emphasis on group, not personal, identity and behavior. There was too much individualism in me. I could not be the perfect, obedient Chinese son, never asserting my personal needs over my family's desires. "You are not one of us!" also echoed here. 11 that time, my operating assumption was that I needed to belong to a community in order to have an identity. There was still a lot of Chinese collectivism in me. In this lonely desert experience, I discovered that this assumption might not be valid. I discovered a spirituality that I call "creative marginality." The lack of acceptance by anyone community had caused me to feel marginalizedthat I did not belong anywhere. I discovered that, if I accepted this mar- Summer 1992 ginality, I could use it constructively to enhance my ministry and to build bridges between very diverse groups. In Jewish and Christian tradition, there is much to be said about a spirituality of the marginalized. Many in the Scriptures were marginalized people. Abraham and Sarah and the generations after them up to Joseph were sojourners. Moses started out in Egypt and, in his adult life, found himself in between the enslaved Israelites and Pharaoh. He never could return to Pharaoh's court again, and he never entered Canaan, the promised land, with the Israelites. Jesus was very often in the company of the marginal people. In another way, Jesus was marginal in that he was stuck between being divine and human. A constructive way to look at being marginal was to see myself as in between-part of both ends but not fully one or the other. Being in between is like a string on a musical instrument, nothing more than a wire connecting two points. If there is no tension, there is no sound. If there is too much tension, the string breaks. If the string is tightened with the right amount of tension, it makes a beautiful sound. I was pushing myself too hard to choose one group over another, so I snapped and lost connections with all groups. In this desert experience, I was lucky to have a very supportive Christian community that did not perceive me as a lost person wandering from community to community like a string lying loose between two points. Instead, my Christian community affirmed my marginality and nurtured me to a point where I could use this marginality creatively and constructively. My friends reconnected me and wound me up just right so that I could make music at an in-between place. I might never fit in the Chinese community again, but I had the experience from that culture to understand and have compassion for that community. I might never fit into the "mainstream" gay community, but my experience as a gay person enabled me to support its course and, at the same time, challenge its prejudices and stereotypes. I might never fit into the dominant culture in the United States, but my education · and experience in that culture gave · me the skill and knowledge to work : with and challenge the systems on · behalf of the oppressed groups with · which I was connected. Spirituality to me is the ability to make connections: connection with myself, especially parts of : myself that I dislike and deny; con: nection with others, not just those · who are like me but also those who : are different and even my enemies; : and connection with God through : Jesus Christ, not just the compassion: ate God but also the part of God that : judges and requires me to do justice. : To make connection requires me to : stretch, to step out of my boundaries, : to take risks. To make connection : . might mean leaving what is comfortable and secure. To make connection . might mean risking being rejected by . where I come from and by where I . am going. I have been blessed with . the experiences of being in between . two cultures and between the gay and . the straight worlds. Painful as it . might have been, these experiences . have given me a foretaste of what it : felt like to be in between the divine : and the human. To use my marginal: ity constructively means having the . ability to connect with both ends, wind . myself up with the Gospel with just : the right tension and sing. The realization of the "goodness" : of marginality contributed to my pur: suing the ordained ministry. I went to . seminary. The following years brought . many more stories of rejection and : acceptance, of being connected and dis. connected. But that would be another : essay. I am an Episcopal priest now. I . am connected with one more commu. nity that does not fully accept me. So . that is life for me. "You are not one of : us" still whispers in my ears, but that is : okay, and that is where I should be . ... Eric H. F. Law, an ordained Episcopal minister, is a consultant/ trainer in multicultural organization development for churches and educational institutions. He is also a composer of liturgical music, having produced three recordings and published songbooks of his compositions. 11 spirit. My spiritual life is enhanced pRNlNG topIE theBt;?~ by Howard Rice · T here are many of us whose bodies do not do what we want them · to do, whose bodies are shaped dif· ferently, whose bodies get in the way · of performing many everyday tasks, · whose bodies are not thought of as · attractive by most people in our soci· ety. We have particular problems in · coming to terms with ourselves as "enfleshed" persons. We may even feel that our bodies are enemies · rather than friends. When we hear · talk about the need to integrate our · sexuality and our spirituality, we may respond in ways very different · from persons who think of themselves as "normal" or "able bodied." Society does not make it any easier. Standards of what is accept· able, beautiful, graceful, or handsome · are clearly beyond those of us whose · bodies are twisted or broken, who require assistance from a cane or crutches or a walker or a wheelchair. Looking in a full-length mirror is still · painful for me; it is a shocking · reminder of how I really look sitting · in my wheelchair with my back · curved. I do not like what I see. I · want to see the person I used to be · when I was young and able-bodied. To a certain extent, I have accepted society's standards. I have permitted · others to define who I am. Life is a · constant struggle to define myself in · my own way. I know that I have not · succeeded every time I have difficulty · dealing with another person who has a disability, when I turn my head so · as not to have to see or deal with · someone who reminds me of what I do not like about myself. I also know that shame about my · body has a negative effect upon my spirit. One cannot separate body and 12 when I can accept my body as a friend. An ongoing struggle then, is acceptance of the body, whatever society says. It means acceptance of oneself as a sexual being whatever message others may give. It means knowing that God's love and acceptance do not depend upon what other people think or say or do. This kind of self-acceptance is countercultural, and it requires nurture and encouragement. Unfortunately, the church has not always been the place to find that self-acceptance. People with disabilities have experienced a very mixed message from the church. We are flawed, we lack faith sufficient to be healed, we are "God's warning to others," or we are simply an uncomfortable reminder that life is more complicated than some Christians want it to be, that believing does not make everything come out the way one wants, that prayer is not the solution for every problem, that God is not a cosmic bell-hop waiting to do our bidding if we can get the right formula. I have experienced the rejection of Christians who, more often than I like to remember, look down at me and say, "If you were not carrying some secret sin in your life, you would be healed" or "Ifyou only had enough faith, you could get up and walk." People with disabilities share some common issues with gay, lesbian, and . bisexual people. Our struggle to define ourselves and to claim our own right to be sexual, our difficulty finding acceptance in the church, our need to find wholeness by accepting our sexuality as a good gift, all of these are common to us all. Perhaps we should work together more consciously. God knows we all could use others who see our point of view and are willing to accept us as we are. T Howard Rice served pastorates in Minneapolis and Chicago before becoming a member of the facu lty of San Francisco Theological Seminary in 1968, where he now serves as professor of ministry and as chaplain. He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1964 and has used a wheelchair since 1972. Love Between ·Monastic :Women by E. Ann Matter · T he question of how medieval people saw themselves to be · sexual, and how we can responsibly · express our understanding of their · self-awareness, has been a lively topic · of late, inspiring a session at the 1992 · meeting of the Medieval Academy of · America, an issue of the Medieval · Feminist Newsletter, and a lot of talk. · Two aspects of this talk strike me as · particularly interesting: 1. Everyone agrees that there is precious little first-hand evidence (as opposed to the ravings of medieval Jerry Falwells) for the experience of gay men or (especially) lesbians in the Middle Ages. · 2. Nevertheless, medievalists are almost universally agreed in rejecting the perspective, inspired by the French theorist Michel Foucault, that the very concept of "sexuality" is an invention of the modern world and cannot be applied to pre-modern contexts. The research on this question is : dominated by lesbian, gay, and femi: nist scholars, and we are clearly look: ing for our predecessors and our roots. What evidence is there for medi: eval emotional and erotic relation: ships between members of the same : sex? The answer breaks down quite : clearly by gender. For men, there is : quite a bit, although, as the writings : of John Boswell have shown, most of : the the "gay men" of medieval Europe Open Hands belonged to a clerical subculture. Perhaps these deacons, priests, and bishops were simply drawn to religious life as an all-male environment. If so, it is not surprising that we find some of the same emotional charge between women in the medieval convent. The most beautiful examples of this love between monastic women are found in a collection of 12th-century poems from south Germany. In one, found in a manuscript of the monastery of T egemsee, a woman poet says to her absent woman beloved: To G.: her singular rose From A. the bond of precious love. What is my strength, that I may bear it, That I should have patience in your absence? Is my strength the strength of stones, That I should await your return? I, who grieve ceaselessly day and night Like someone who has lost a hand or a foot? Everything pleasant and delightful Without you seems like mud underfoot. I shed tears as I used to smile, And my heart is never glad, When I recall the kisses you gave me, And how with tender word you caressed my little breasts, I want to die Because I cannot see you. What can I, so wretched, do? Where can I, so miserable, turn? If only my body could be entrusted to the earth until your longed-for return Or if passage could be granted me as it was to Habakkuk So that I might corne there just once To gaze on my beloved's faceThen I should not care if it were the hour of death itself. For no one has been born into the world So lovely and full of grace Or who so honestly And with such deep affection loves me. I shall not therefore cease to grieve Until I deserve to see you again. Well has a wise man said that it is a great sorrow for [one] to be without that Without which [one] cannot live. As long as the world stands You shall never be removed from the core of my being. What more can I say? Corne home, sweet love! Prolong your trip no longer; Know that I can bear your absence no longer. Farewell, Remember me.1 This poem is an obviously erotic · and explicitly sexual testimony to the · fact that some medieval women did · love, and make love to, each other. · The theme of the absent beloved, · however, is found far more often in religious literature of a more ambiguous nature, such as in letters between · women in religious life, letters which · are achingly emotional but not · overtly sexual. A good example of this is found in the works of the Flemish Beguine Hadewijch, who · wrote to members of her community: Greet Sara also in my behalf, whether I am anything to her or nothing. Could I be fully all that in my love I wish to be for her, I would gladly do so; and I shall do so fully, however she may treat me. She has very largely forgotten my affliction, but I do not wish to blame or reproach her, seeing that Love leaves her at rest, and does not reproach her, although Love ought ever anew to urge her to be busy with her noble Beloved.2 Sara, the best beloved, returns · Hadewijch's fervor with indifference; · yet Hadewijch urges her on to new · heights of Love for "her noble · Beloved" -that is, the heavenly · bridegroom, Christ. In the context of · medieval Christian spirituality, neither · the letter of Hadewijch nor the poem · of the Tegernsee manuscript necessar· ily demands a sexual interpretation. · There is a long tradition of Christian · spiritual writing which uses erotic · language allegorically, to express a · type of love which clearly transcends · human limitations. The best-known · example of this is found in the tradi· tions of interpretation of the Song of · Songs, the biblical love poem that · was understood throughout the · Middle Ages, by Christians and Jews alike, as the love between God and the Church or between God and the human soul.3 In other words, there is an ancient Christian spiritual tradition in which human love is the main metaphor for the love of God. But the situation is even more complex, because this metaphorical language works in reverse as well. Although the poem of the Tegernsee manuscript and the letter of Hadewijch use biblical language and point to a spiritual reality, the poign~ In the deeply Christian world of the medieval cloister, this love [between women1 was expressed with the same biblical metaphors as ... the love between human beings and God. ~ ancy of human love spills out between the lines, and the intensity, awkwardness, and sublimation of the human love of which they speak are remarkable. This fact brings us back to the problem of definition. Do these women count as medieval lesbians? According to the poet and critic Adrienne Rich, all intense emotional relationships between women can be placed on a "lesbian continuum."4 Rich argues that the oppression of patriarchy has circumscribed many aspects of women's emotional lives, but has not been able to keep women from bonding with one another in whatever way they can. Rich's theory has met with quite a bit of criticism, especially from other feminists,S especially those who worry about historicity, the "modernity" of our concept of sexuality, and the social implications of placing women friends on a "lesbian continuum." But for many Summer 1992 13 medievalists, it has been a powerful key to interpreting the culturally constructed love between medieval · women and for understanding how women in the Middle Ages could express their emotional and erotic preference for one another. For it seems obvious, even with so little evidence, that there have always been, in every time and place, however they have survived, whatever they may be called, women who love other women. In the deeply Christian world of the medieval cloister, this · love was expressed with the same · biblical metaphors as, and on a continuum of spirituality with, the love · between human beings and God. Perhaps modern lesbians and gay men can learn from this example the strength and · beauty of appropriating our own spiritual tradition into our lives. T E. Ann Matter is a professor and chair of religious studies at the University of Pennsylvania. She studied at Oberlin College and Yale University, "where she did a number of speaking gigs with Chris Glaser." She has published on medieval spirituality, biblical mysticism, and the history of • gender and sexuality in the Christian tradition. REFERENCES 1 E. Ann Matter, "My Sister, My Spouse: • Women-Identified Women in Medieval Christianity," in Judith Plaskow and Carol Christ, eds., Weaving the Visions: New Patterns in Feminist Spirituality (San Francisco: Harper • Collins, 1989), pp. 52-53; John Boswell, Christianity, Social Tolerance and Homosexuality: Gay : People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980), pp. 220-21; Peter Dronke, Medieval Latin and the • Rise of the European Love-Lyric, 2 vols. (Oxford: : Clarendon Press, 1968), 2A80-81. 2 See especially Letter 25, "Sara, Emma, • and Margriet," in Hadewijch:The Complete Works, • translated by Mother Columba Hart, O.S.B. (New York: Paulist Press, 1980), pp.105-106. 3 See the four volumes of English transla• tions of the sermons of Bernard of Clairvaux on the Song of Songs (Kalamazoo, MI: • Cistercian Press, 1976-1980). 4 Adrienne Rich, "Compulsory Hetero: sexuality and Lesbian Existence," Signs 5 (1980): 631-60. 5 See the articles by A. Ferguson, J. N. • Zita, and K. P. Addelson, "On 'Compulsory • Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence': Defining the Issues," Signs 7 (1981): 158-99, and Judith C. Brown, "Lesbian Sexuality in • Renaissance Italy: The Case of Sister • Benedetta Carlini," Signs 9 (1984): 756. The Body in Worship by Zalmon O. Sherwood "If life and the soul are sacred, the human body is sacred." -Walt Whitman Worship is at the very heart of religious life. It is the pulsating center from which we receive divine love and strength for all that we are and do. Like the blood that flows through our bodies, we keep returning to that heart for refreshment and renewal. But what happens when the heart fails to function correctly? For an increasing number of lesbians and gay men, the heart of our lives as members of religious institutions is no longer providing the meaning and power we seek. If the goddess we worship is anything, she is love: yearning, passionate, seeking, active love. To worship is to participate in acts of adoration and love. We have been created for love and to love. If sexuality is the physiological and psychological grounding of our capacities to love, ifour destiny as human beings is to be lovers in the richest, fullest sense of the word, then sexual wholeness is part of our redemption and thus our spiritual destiny. Bodies are our first, closest, and most powerful connection to both ourselves and all else. The loving touch of flesh upon flesh is the first reassurance that one is a self in a world of caring selves. For this reason, human flesh is forever the privileged place of divine encounter. Religious leaders have much to learn from gay men and lesbians, for when we come out and affirm ourselves in the face of social oppression, we affirm the basic goodness of human sexuality and our embodiment. The body has been effectively banished from most traditional worship. That is one role stationary benches or pews play in congregations. They assure that no movement, no dance, no celebration of the body, might · break loose. Books playa similar role in worship. If people have to hold · books, then their hands are also occu · pied and they aren't free to move. As physical beings, we need to express the music inside us. What better way than dance? Dancers have much to teach us about the body, spontaneity, and enjoyment. Dancers know the power of movement to underline and highlight an understanding that is · beyond words. Both the arduously trained dancer and the disciplined athlete embody the grace of the physical in perfect coordination with the mental which may lift one to extraordinary spiritual heights. Movement and dance are not the only ways to affirm the holiness of our bodies in worship. Where there is authentic ritual, there is always full participation according to each person's capabilities. The emphasis in worship should be on how all participants can give and receive fully, using their whole bodies and all their senses: sight, smell, taste, hearing, and touch. Touching is vital to deeply meaningful · worship. Touch is a sacred and impor· tant part of who we are. It should not · be treated superficially during worship · nor should it be used in any contri\'ed exploitative, or hackneyed manner. As the language of love, touch shoul · be used during appropriate periods of sharing and intimacy in worship. Worship, a word that means "to make worth" or "to respect," has the · power to affirm our bodies and our · humanity, to heal us, and to allow us to feel again the deep wellsprings of · reverence for being all that we have in · us. Worship ignites the magic of imagi· nation, and connects disparate and separate parts, making us whole again and · celebrating our place in the universe. Open Hands 14 1Jear CreatoTi Create our fovemaKjng fosh, Live in our desires. 'Bfossom aru£sing in our boaUs as we join as we dose thegap between two ofyour creatures. 'Draw us out clear (jot£, out ofoursk..in aru£bones aru£stamp this with your caress andsmile, your covenant. 'Bring the wortls out ofus, (jot£, your worrfs, . that describe anagrasp tliat canonize the shapes we ~ the sFiapes whose parts are male ~k..notty wooa whose parts arefemale ~piles of£eaves canonize ourgay aru£ fesbian shapes iear (joa with breath aru£ tears with cofor anasme{[ with wotrfs. -cuffora!frasier, !Jlarvard Vivinity Scfwo{ Reprinted from The Healing TouchEmbodying Christianity, the 1992 More Ligh t Prayer Book (January issue of the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian & Gay Concerns). Worship enkindles kinship with other bodies, bodies of joy and bodies of sorrow, human bodies and bodyreatures of this fragile planet. Our heartfelt worship, not alone, but in the resilient interconnections we share with others, generates the power that makes and sustains life. It is in touching, making those human connections, that we find the sacred mystery that binds us in loving each other fiercely in the face of suffering and pain, and empowers our witness against all powers of oppression and destruction. To share an affectionate embrace with another person, to come out, to identify with and be part of a struggling community, to contribute to the Summer 1992 The Dangerous Song of tlie Wild Geese: Sexuality and ~£~~ by Elizabeth Stuart · L iturgy is dangerous. This is what I have learned since the British · publisher SPCK commissioned me to · compile a book of liturgies for use · gay and lesbian Christians, then · doned the project just before publica: tion under pressure from the Church · of England. All this happened only a · few months after the bishops of the · Church of England published a report, • Issues in Human Sexuality, which encour· aged congregations to become "places · of open acceptance and friendship" · for lesbian and gay people. Surely allowing gay and lesbian Christians a · book of prayers and liturgies which · reflects their experience would be a · good start? But no, some of those · who hold powerful positions within · the church find the very idea of such · a book deeply threatening. Why? For all Christians, liturgy-the · public, communal, and ordered gath· ering of believers for the purpose of · worship-is extremely important, for · it is the time when, through words physical and spiritual well-being of · suffering and afflicted persons, is to · know something of the love and pas· sion of the divine. When we choose · togetherness and accept who we are, · even as we seek to be who we might · become, miracles happen. The sky · opens, the stars come out. We say "yes" to the mystery. T Zalmon O. Sherwood is an Episcopal priest who directs the St. James Colony, a center for spirituality and the arts on Beaver Island in northern Lake Michigan . He is currently at work on a book, Equal Rites: Liberating Worship for Lesbians and Caymen. as''t\!;\community, and our lives with those of our 'foreparents in faith. For liturgy to be effective, it needs to articulate and speak to the experience of those who participate in it. The unfortunate fact · is that for most of its history the church's liturgies have been written by privileged white men and have reflected their experience to the exclusion of all others. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people-along with women, people of different races, children, poorpeople, and many others-have been deprived of a liturgical language to make sense of · their experience. Linguistic deprivation is a particularly effective way of keep· ing people silent and disempowered. But now we are speaking for ourselves. We have begun to articulate our spirituality, our understanding of reality in terms of our relationships and faith, in liturgical form. And it is threatening to those in power in the churches because it is an acknowledgment that we do not need them to help · us make sense of our lives. It is also · threatening because it cannot be argued with. One can enter into a debate over : an academic thesis, but one cannot · argue with a person's articulation of · his or her experience. It is an expression of the heart rather than the head · and therefore is not controllable. And it is threatening because many aspects of gay, lesbian, and bisexual experience : are not unique but are shared by thou · sands of heterosexual Christians. By · daring to speak love's name, we expose : the extent to which church teaching · and liturgy have lost their grounding : in reality and become irrelevant, as · have those who uphold them. 15 There is one strong thread that Resurrection is a reality at the heart of oppression. May everything that : runs through all lesbian and gay lit· of "coming out" for many lesbian and happens in this home and all who : urgy, and that is friendship. All our · gay Christians, as the following prayer come into it take us further in our journey towards liberation. : relationships, whether sexual or not, · from a liturgical celebration of this · tend to be defined in terms of friend-· turning point makes clear. The room is The liturgies also express a strong · ship. In a world which is often dan· darkened as the person coming out says, sense of bonding to lesbian and gay : gerous and seeks to marginalize and people from past ages. As Eve came out of Adam, as the : isolate us, friendships are important people of Israel came out of slavery : because we need their equality, mutuinto their freedom, as the exiled IsReading through the liturgies, I : ality, and inC;lusivity. It is in friendships raelites came out of Babylon back to am struck by their honesty, sim: that we experience liberation, the their home, as Lazarus came out of · plicity, and utter conviction of the · freedom to be ourselves. It is no accithe tomb to continue his life, as goodness of our sexuality. They pro-Jesus came out of death into new : dent that the biblical characters who · vide an excellent window onto gay life, I come out-out of the desert : appear most frequently in our litur· and lesbian experience. In the Celtic into the garden, out of darkness into : gical material are two sets of friends, · tradition, the Holy Spirit is not reprelight, out of exile into my home, out : David and Jonathan; Ruth and Naomi. sented as a tame white dove but by a of lies into the truth, out of denial : Jesus and God are also perceived as wild goose, uncontrollable and noisy. into affirmation. I name myself as : friends-each can also be understood A study of gay and lesbian liturgy gay /lesbian. Blessed be God who : as lover. There is no place for the dualhas made me so. · reveals that this is a common experi: istic attitude toward the body that has · ence of God's spirit-free of ecclesiasThe person lights a candle and all : stained Christianity for so long. tical attempts to control and confine : present light candles from it. Flowers · it, it makes its home in the most un · are brought in, music is played, and Gay and lesbian liturgies are · likely places. It drives people together · the room is filled with light and color. remarkably honest. Having no (geese do not like to fly alone) and : Coming out is an Easter experience. · ideal to live up to, liturgies written · does not come in quiet conformity · The symbolism of light overcoming · for the blessing of relationships often · but demanding to be heard. Its song is : the darkness is a common one in les: acknowledge that the relationship may · not sweet to many but those upon · bian and gay liturgical material and is : not last forever, and some recognize · whom it rests are empowered to · a universal symbol of the triumph of : that the relationship will not be monog· become noisy, passionate, and coura: justice over oppression and life over : amous. I have included in my book a · geous guardians of the gospel. Lit: death. As one of the funeral liturgies section on the breaking up of partner· urgy is an important means by which : puts it, "Let us remember that all the : ships. As part of one liturgy, the couple · lesbian, gay, and bisexual people darkness in the world cannot put out : each take a piece of crockery that · make a noise, a noise which attracts · one single light." : belonged to both of them and say, '. others out of isolation and into the The liturgies I have read in prepar · flock and alerts other Christians to the [Name] and I entered willingly into : ing my book convey a strong sense of · fact that the Spirit is among us. T our relationship as lovers. I now : solidarity with other oppressed peoples, mark the end of that relationship of : particularly the ancient Israelites my own free will. This is the symbol : enslaved in Egypt. A housewarming of our sharing of happy times and in theology at the College of : liturgy has the occupants attach a sad times. I smash it to show the end St. Mark and St.John, Ply: gay or lesbian symbol to their front ofour life together, the fracturing of mouth, England, a Church of our dreams and shared future. With · door and say, England college of higher eduits breaking may your hurt and my Just as the ancient Israelites marked cation. She is a Roman Cathohurt be seen and may bitterness and their door lintels with blood as a sign lic and is convener of the Roanger also come to an end. that they were blessed and chosen • man Catholic Caucus of the Lesbian and Gay by God, so we mark our door with • Christian Movement. She is the author of The pastor or a friend then assures · Through Brokenness (Collins Fount, 1990) a sign of our blessedness as lesbian the couple that God has no wish to • and many articles on Christianity and sexual- women/gay men. The people of Is · lock them in a destructive relation• ity. Her book, Daring to Speak Love's rael marked their doors on the eve · ship and pronounces their commit- · Name, a collection of liturgies by lesbian and of their exodus from slavery into · ment ended. How many Christian • gay Christians, will be published this fall by freedom. By marking this house/ · heterosexual couples would benefit · Hamish Hamilton in the United Kingdom and flat we identify with them on their · by Viking in the United States. · from such a liturgical act to mark the journey, for gay and lesbian people · ending of their relationships? are also in the process of coming out Open Hands -" '''''''.'_", ''"*",,,,,, . , Elizabeth Stuart is a lecturer j 16 e Worship Process and ord Processing by John S. Rice ost gay and lesbian people have sadly found that "the ractice of Christianity is incompatIble with homosexual being." The hurch is often an unhealthy place for eople who are different. Even if our ,.ords sound welcoming (and indeed hey should), lesbians and gay men an still feel rejection and unworthi., ess being communicated in our worhip services. How are these sexual titudes communicated? Could we e this mysterious dynamic to communicate reconciliation instead? After few unproductive hours pondering his question at the screen of my candles on each of the four Advent Sundays. The content of the accompanying prayer was that all families in our church were called to wait in hope, and God would come to meet us at the point of our need. The unspoken codes, however, set some narrow margins. "All families" were shown by example to be married heterosexual couples with adorable children. The codes always teach as much as the official content. At a recent funeral of a gay man, the preacher's content was about God's unconditional love and accepting grace. Yet the man's lover wasn't seated with the family or acknowledged by the preacher. The codes of the church's judgement, exclusion, fear, and denial all preached more loudly than the content of God's compassion, mercy, and love. The room :-:«« was filled with hurt, rage, and loss stirred by unspoken codes. ·ord processor, it occurred to me at I was staring at the answer. For this to make sense, there is one asic principle of word processing at must be understood: formatting odes. Every word-processed docu.. ent contains not only the obvious ontent of the words on the page, but 150 embedded formatting codes . :hich control margins, type size, page numbering, line spacing, etc. The same -,·:ord-for-word content can come across with very different meanings epending on how the hidden codes affect its presentation. In worship, our exuality is addressed in both the conent of the service and the unspoken codes through which it is presented. This has three important implications. 1. Both content and codes communicate attitudes toward sexuality. In a church I formerly served, a different family was chosen to light the Advent Summer 1992 2. Both the codes and the content can be gracefully changed. Those of · us in Reconciling Congregations in United Methodism or similar congregations in other denominations already know that the content of our services must honor the diversity of God's creation, and that our words must · bless, confirm, and support the healthy sexual development of each · brother and sister. Let us look again at our worship to make sure our codes support our content. The Advent-candle lighting mentioned above was changed over several years to include a widow with extended family, lesbian and gay couples, single people, blended families, and a few heterosexual firstmarriage couples with adorable children (they still do represent about 17%of our population). Examine your codes. · Which ones are you willing to change? · · · · · · · · · · : · : · · · q/iant you, :Jfeavenly Lover, f orgiving us fove, ana1tlil{ing it a means ofgrace. In eacli sliarp sweet cut ofmy 6oyfriena'sgfana, I ttwUI tlie intensity of your fove for us. Witliin every crusliing liug aniscrape ofstu66kd cliin on tenderffesli, I feel tlie power ana sting ofyour claim upon us. tRy tlie clii£[on sweaty stin ofliis 6reatli 6fown over my sfiouU£ers, I am quict<r-ned to tlie Spirit's calL 9Ylicf0aoger said: {'9'ou can't alwaysget wliat you want, hut ifyou try real liard, you '[[foul, youget wliat you need. n ?1iantyou, :Jfeavenly Lover, for giving usgrace, ani1tlil{ing it a means offove. Ylmen. - (jay t{.1nitet[ Metliotfist deacon Reprinted from The Healing TouchEmbodying Christianity, the 1992 More Light Prayer Book (January issue of the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian & Gay Concerns), Could Todd and Richard join the church as Todd-and-Richard? Would this be reported in the "Welcome to New Members" column as "Todd and Richard/address/phone," or as "Todd/address/phone, Richard/ address/phone"? Would they be asked to serve as greeters together? What about the pictorial directory? We must lead the congregation in making these changes out of pastoral necessity, in order to care for those in our charge with the inclusive love of Jesus. 3. Codes are experienced, not explained. The codes have to do with symbolic actions which show forth the great love of God. Don't undermine them by apologizing for God's 17 · inclusive grace or explaining what · everything "means." First, if we Sustaining the Spirit · apologize, we turn an experience into · an issue. If, for example, we begin by · saying, "Now before we do this, let · me warn you that two lesbians are · going to light the Advent candles, and · many of you may object to this ...," · many of them will. We have just · taken a complex symbolic action · which introduced the notion of diver· sity of households into the meaning · of waiting in hope for the promises of · God and reduced it to a single sexual · issue about lesbians in the chancel. If · your codes model inclusiveness with· out apology, you will more accurately · and effectively model God's grace. The second temptation is to explain · the codes and symbols. We are creat· ing poetry, songs, and symbolic · actions-don't make them treatises · and arguments. Our symbols cannot · explain all details of God's boundless · grace, only welcome us into its mys· tery. Our symbols need lots of space · to make us welcome. Lots of details · justshut us out. In our attempts to be · inclusive and politically correct, we · write services that sound like soft· ware licensing agreements: "Our · parental sovereign which art in heaven (by which we do not mean a · literal place, but a spiritual realm · which is the locus of divine reality), · hallowed be thy non-gender-specific name...." It may be politically correct, · but it's deadly dull liturgy. It doesn't · sing of God's grace. If we are to be reconciling, let us · examine both the content and codes · of our services to be sure that both · show forth the reconciling grace of · God. Move forward, changing con· tent and codes out of a conviction of · pastoral necessity which may lead to · prophetic opportunity, and let our · worship services be parables and · spacious songs of God's grace . .. John S. Rice is a United Methodist minister serving as executive director of WorshipWorks, Inc., in Knoxville, Tennessee. Worship Works teaches "The Dynamics of Effective Worship" to churches of all denominations through workshops, · consulting, and video resources. • 18 WE SING TOIAIVE by Jon Bailey We sing to keep from crying, Our songs can't stop the dying, but focused in song united and strong you can hear ... We sing this word-LOVE: · "Vourchorus has lost almost 70 I men to AIDS. How can you do · it ... how can you go on singing?" That · question always catches me off guard. · I don't think about our singing in that · way, for me the question is: "How · could we not sing in the face of death?" We sing because something very · powerful has happened to us. In the · 1970s, we gay men and lesbians · fought for our right to be; and in 1992 · we celebrate a sense of power and · self-worth. We fought the police at · Stonewall, and now we demand that · they look us in the eye as men and · women of equal worth. We have · moved from the deserted margins of · society to a place of honor and dignity. There is a growing spirit in our · community. It comes from a deepened · sense of who we are and how pro· found our connection to one another · is. This spirit~all it love, call it divine, · call it community, call it sense of self · and purpose-is one of the legacies of · the AIDS generation. And that legacy · is a story which we must sing! It was for that reason that I went · to Los Angeles composer Roger · Bourland to talk about a commission · to write a piece about our AIDS expe· rience. I remember choosing my · -words carefully: "I don't want you to · compose another Requiem. This com· munity has experienced too much · death and too little life!" I reminded · him. "I want you to write a work · which affirms life." Now, some 12 months later, as I reflect on that conversation and my adamant resolve to have the composer create a life-affirming work in which AIDS is the subject, I still ask: Was I avoiding death, even in the face of its unrelenting reality in my own life, or had my own consciousness shifted? Has the gay community's awareness grown and changed to a point where "life-affirming" and "AIDS" are not antithetical terms? Hidden Legacies, the new work which composer Bourland and lyricist John Hall have created for the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles, answers the question with a resounding "yes!" The seven-movement work details the odyssey of the gay community and AIDS from the 1970s to the 1990s. In a sense, it is the story of a community, but also that of each individual's encounter with this disease. It moves from those glowing post-Stonewall years of new liberation: Don't think of control 'Cause you're on a roll. You suffer no loss And double no cross And gather no moss. The stone keeps rolling And unaware you don't have to care. To the nightmare of AIDS: A new plague that hides in blood! The fluid of life now turns to a flood of pollution. No solution! Wake Up! And we do wake up-our community wakes up and demands that we be heard, that our deaths not be diminished by the petty games of politics and medicine: Open Hands And with our death please signify That we were here, no need to cry just look us in the eye. And we learn to care in a way we d not know was possible. We are left hind, we are left alone with our .. ger, our grief, our tears, and finally acceptance. We learn to say goodbye: Dream, journey's end. I say fare well my finest friend. Turn inward now and try to find Your spirit and journey now defined. Remembered laughter, warm and free, Will be your final gift to me. And now we must sing! We sing to keep from crying, but more than that We sing past our fears and over the rage, We sing through the tears that fall on the page of notes that we see, our voices are free to be heard! We sing this word-LOVE. For our songs have changed us. Our songs have created us anew, giving us strength, time, peace, and love. esources For we are the AIDS generation. We are not victims, we are persons who pass through fire and are made new. Beck, Renee, and Sydney Barbara Mitchell, Rosemary Catalano, and Gail And we sing, we sing to live! ~ Metrick. The Art of Ritual. Berkeley, Anderson Ricciuti. Birthings and *All quotations are from Hidden Legacies by Calif.: Celestial Arts, 1990. A guide Blessings: Liberating Worship SerJohn Hall; © 1992. Hidden Legacies was commisto creating and performing one's vices for the Inclusive Church. New sioned through a major grant from the Cultural own rituals for growth and change. York: Crossroad, 1991. Series of Affairs Department of the City of Los Angeles. Glaser, Chris. Coming Out to God: feminist worship experiences, based It received its world premier at Royce Hall, Prayers for Lesbians, Gay Men, Their . in a Reformed worship context, University of California, Los Angeles, on March 29,1992, under the direction of Jon Bailey. Families and Friends. Louisville: from the Woman, Word, & Song Westminster/John Knox Press, 1991. gatherings in Rochester, New York. A collection of 60 prayers for indiMore Light Prayers. Annual January Jon Bailey, previously director vidual or congregational use, indexed issue of the More Light Update, of the Institute of Sacred Music by topics and scriptural references. newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesat Yale University, is currently Duck, Ruth c., and Maren C. Tirabassi. bian & Gay Concerns. Available professor of music at Pomona Touch Holiness: Resources for Worthrough Jim Anderson, P.O. Box 38, College in Claremont, Califorship. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1990. New Brunswick, NJ 08903-0038. nia, and artistic director of the Los Angeles Gay Men's Chorus. Includes contemporary prayers and Prayers gathered from persons supIn thesummer.of 1989, he was invited to liturgies based on traditional forms. portive of lesbian, gay, and bisexual be achoral clinician for the biennial convenEmswiler, Thomas Neufer, and Sharon concerns for the season of Epiphany tion of the Fellowship of United Methodists in Neufer Emswiller. Wholeness in (can be used at other times as well). Worship, Music, and Other Arts.. When Worship. San Francisco: Harper and Schaffron, Janet, and Kozak, Pat. More Bailey was disinvited because of his associaRow. Out of print. Models of worthan Words: Prayer and Ritual for tion with the Gay Men's Chorus, William ship in which liturgical dance and Inclusive Communities. Oak Park, Sloane Coffin, the keynote speaker, threatened drama play large roles. Ill.: Meyer-Stone, 1988. Sourcebook to take the matter to the National Press Corps Illuminations. Annual June-July issue of • for developing inclusive prayers and in Washington, D.C., if Bailey was not rethe More Light Update, newsletter of rituals. Sample rites address multischeduled and the chorus invited to perform. Presbyterians for Lesbian &Gay Concultural traditions with deep sensi'. Bailey was reinvited and led the chorus in cerns. Available through Jim Ander-tivity to issues of justice and peace. song during amoving worship service in son, P.O. Box 38, New Brunswick, NJ • WATERwheel. Quarterly newsletter of which Coffin preached of the necessity of wel08903-0038. Collected liturgies and the Women's Alliance for Theology, coming gay and lesbian people and ministerprograms for congregations welcoming Ethics, and Ritual. Available ing to people with AIDS. It .was ahealing of lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. through WATER, 8035 13th Street, experience for both those in the fellowship as Larson, Jim. Heartsongs. Available Silver Spring, MD 20910-4803. Each well as those in the chorus, many of whom had .' through Center for Renewal, 11201-1 issue contains fresh liturgies created experienced alienation from their church roots. Peartree Way, Columbia, MD 21044. by Diann L. Neu, a feminist liberaThe chorus rehearses at Wilshire UMC in Collected prayers for personal or cor-: tion liturgist, cofounder, and Los Angeles and recently participated {n the porate meditation. codirector of WATER. .. morning worship celebrating its third anniversary as a Reconciling Congregation. Summer 1992 19 A Closing Co-Editor's Note: It's Time to Say Good-bye and Be on My Journey Dear friends: In the spring of 1985, Mark Bowman asked me to help him edit the first issue of a new magazine for the Reconciling Congregation Program. Now, more than seven years later, this issue marks my exit as one of Open Hands' co-editors. Beginning with the fall 1992 issue,. Open Hands will move into a new style of management with one editor overseeing the magazine's production, replacing the current system of co-editors and issue coordinators. I have decided not to apply to be the new editor. Open Hands has been an important part of my life, and it is not easy to put it behind me. But the time has come. Every issue of this magazine has included articles in which people shared their personal spiritual journeys. While I have written various journalistic articles for Open Hands, I have never discussed any of my own spirituality. As I say good-bye to all of you who have supported Open Hands-artd meover the years, I want to end my silence and share a little of myself. It is ironic that my final issue of Open Hands explores how sexuality affects spirituality; it is largely (though not entirely) my own spiritual journey that has caused me to conclude that it is time to leave this magazine. The past year, in particular, has been a time of personal spiritual searching, and I cannot escape one basic conclusion: Even if the United Methodist institution and other mainstream denominations were to eliminate their antigay vestiges, I doubt I would feel fully at home in them. As I have since childhood, I believe that there is some sort of God in all creation-including within all human beings. But I increasingly feel an inner longing for broadened understanding: • I am increasingly pulled to supplement-my Judeo-Christian understanding of spirituality with the insights of the world's other faiths. My Christian roots remain important to me; I still find insights in the Bible-especially, the life and words of Jesus-that help me strive to develop the Dominion of God "within" myself (Luke 17:21). However, I am increasingly uncomfortable with the notion that Christianity is the only valid route to life with God, and I have trouble with hymns and liturgies that proclaim a Christian mission to convert the world. I feel a growing need to listen for the ways in which God has spoken to the world's different peoples and cultures throughout time. • I want a spiritual community that puts more emphasis on encouraging people to think for themselves than on telling them what to believe. In even the most open mainstream denominations, Sunday morning worship remains primarilya one-way experience in which the pastor talks and everyone else listens, rather than a forum in which all people of faith share and learn from the valuable insights that we each have. On my journey, I want to travel a road where travelers are committed not to winning places in a hierarchy but to helping all people appreciate their equal value as part of God's universal family. • It has become clear that I cannot devote energy toward the politics of persuading others to welcome people like myself and still have the proper focus to work on internal spiritual needs-deeper love, truer gentleness, personal wholeness. It seems impossible for me to stay within a hostile institution without having anger overpower my more loving emotions. Increasingly, I think about Jesus' instruction in Luke 10:10-11 to shake the dustof the unwelcoming community (or institution) from one's feet. I'm sure I will continue occasionally (or frequently) to worship in a Reconciling Congregation or a similar congregation affiliated with another mainstream denomination. However, it will be important to identify myself with the people of the welcoming local fellowship, not with the condemning institution/ denomination. On my journey, I need to move on toward a spiritual life and community where I can feel truly at home. To paraphrase Robert Frost, two roads are diverging in the woods of my life. I could keep on the more heavily trafficked highway and stay solely within the mainline church and its theology. I know that for many persons of faithincluding many of you-the institutional church remains a comfortable and loving (if imperfect) home, and I am happy for you. But for me right now, the "road less traveled by" is ca!1ing, and I feel compelled to answer the call. know that these longings are not; in and of themselves, incompatible with my continued work with Open Hands. But it has become clear to me that I do not have the time or energy to continue with this magazine while also working on my personal spirituality. Besides, Open Hands is for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual Christians who are committed to working for reform and understanding within mainstream denominations. This magazine needs to be produced by people who are part of that effort. I am no longer one of those persons. Y -Bradley Rymph . 20 Open Hands ~~tters Response to "Creating Alliances"Issue -'le Winter 1992 issue, "Creating Allies," elicited an unusually large number esponses from our readers. These two "s are indicativeof the responses we've ··ed. :he recent issue, "Creating Alliances," o wonderful! The coordination of articles by Ann Thompson Cook creates a lively and vital discussion. The articles ush boundaries between factions and .ithin my own thinking. Ann's stylistic ntegrity is evident-the entire publicaIon sings with vitality and compassion. deeply appreciate this issue. -Deb Crerie Arlington, Virginia The article "Working Toward Trust" . I the Winter 1992 issue reminded me f my personal and pastoral struggle/ urney to reach out to gay /lesbian per~ons. Mine began 20 years ago. A clergy . . end was going through a divorce and as leaving the ministry. At the same me, he was "coming out of the closet." I ggled then to say it did not matter me either as an individual or as a astor what his sexual orientation was. did matter. In the coming months, he troduced me to Chicago's gay / sbian world. That community taught e how oppressed people have networks aring and love. I introduced my gregation to the issue of homophobia, mittedly with great fears ... all of uch proved to be unfounded. But that was the early 1970s, and Christians, especially liberal! radical Christians, were still under the influe of the' 60s. By the end of the decade, ad been appointed to a more tradi. nal congregation where it seemed itless to deal with the issue of omophobia/ reconciliation. I tried to e a supportive and compassionate resence to the gay members of the congregation, while respecting their hen still hidden identities. Ultimately, I was appointed to Hemenway, a Reconciling Congregation. Here, in our own ways and amid our particular institutional struggles, Summer 1992 we continue to work on the issue of overcoming our heterosexual prejudices. What I've discovered is that learning to trust one another is a twoway street. Unless we force ourselves to learn about another, we never will. Sometimes we offer trust, and it is rejected or betrayed. Where we know there is separation, we can find a multitude of reasons not to attempt to bridge our differences and build one community. I hope and pray that I shed those prejudices and hatred that have crept into my life and that I keep new ones out. -Kerm Krueger Evanston, Illinois The Pain Grows The following letter expresses the sentiments of many gay, lesbian, and bisexual United Methodists following the General Conference in May. These are excerpts from a letter to theAdministrative Board of Fifth Avenue UMC in Wilmington, North Carolina . For 58 years, I have been proud to count myself among the people called Methodist. It was in my great grandfather's house that our beloved Francis Asbury often stayed. I was raised in the old church at Sneads Ferry and there, at the age of 11, made my public profession of faith and joined the Methodist Church. I had a religious experience there, not unlike John Wesley's "heartwarming experience." That event is that which has sustained me all my life in my spiritual relationship with God. Twenty years ago, when our church first took a stand against homosexuality, I felt as though I had been cut to the heart by the very church which I have loved and served. I made every effort to fulfill my vows to support it with my prayers, my presence, my gifts, and my services. I have stayed in this denomination because its records in other avenues of social justice have been and are so strong; surely, the Methodists would come to a more complete understanding and acceptance of human sexuality. Surely one day I would see a "Reconciling Congregation" in Wilmington, and if not in Wilmington at least in our district, and if not in our district then at least in the North Carolina annual conference. Surely one day I would be accepted fully and unconditionally by my own religious denomination. Unfortunately, that day has not come, and I can no longer wait. I can no longer in good conscience make such a commitment to the United Methodist Church because it relegates me to second-class citizenry by proclaiming once again that "homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching." This stand not only affects me, but it impacts my family-immediate and extended, my friends, and all my associates. I've grown weary of being criticized for something that is part of my divinely created being. My sexuality is a good God-given gift, just as heterosexuality is a good God-given gift to the majority of our population. To my church family here, which I so dearly love, I beg you to remember that there are others living under this oppression who could likely be your mothers and fathers, your brothers and sisters, your children and grandchildren, your friends and associates. Normally, they just fade out of the life of the church without ever expressing their deep loss at not being fully accepted as the children of God they know in their hearts they are. I speak as one of God's children. I speak for them because they are unable to speak for themselves. Change will only come when others such as yourselves are bold enough to speak for these silenced, oppressed Christian homosexuals-children of God. Please accept my resignation of membership in the United Methodist Church, membership in Fifth Avenue UMC, member-ship on the Administrative Board, the position of Consecrated Lay Reader, the position of Church Historian, and the position of Lay Member to Annual Conference. My love, God's grace, and the peace of the Holy Spirit to you all. -Bob Jenkins Wilmington, North Carolina 21 · RCPReport Lesbian/Gay Concerns at Forefront ofGeneral andAnnual Conferences General Conference Receives Study: Continues Negative Policies The 1992 General Conference of the United Methodist Church (UMC), which met in May in Louisville, reaffirmed its largely negative policies toward lesbians and gay men. The General Conference (GC) did receive the report of the Committee to Study Homosexuality and voted to publish it, along with additional resources, for local churches to study. The GC also adopted a strong statement on the civil and human rights of lesbians and gay men (see below). However, the GC voted to retain the objectionable statement on homosexuality in the Social Principles, which states that "we do not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching." A substitute statement indicating the church is divided over this issue and seeks further guidance was defeated by a vote of 594 to 372 (the comparable vote in 1988 was 621 to 344). The GC retained the ban on the ordination and appointment of "self-avowed, practicing homosexuals," while rejecting petitions to make this even more restrictive. The ban on national church funding of any group which "promotes the acceptance of homosexuality" was also maintained. Efforts to make it a chargeable offence for clergy to perform a "holy union" or other covenant service for same-gender couples were not approved. Following is the text of the statement on the "Rights of Homosexual Persons" that was adopted by the GC: Certain basic human and civil liberties are due all persons. We are committed to support those rights and liberties for homosexual persons. We see a clear issue of simple justice in protecting their rightful claims where they have: shared material resources, pensions, guardian relationships, mutual powers ofattorney and other such lawful claims typically attendant to contracted relationships which involved shared contributions, responsibilities and liabilities, and equal protection before the law. Moreover, we support efforts to stop violence and other forms or coercion against gays and lesbians. Affirmation Leads Demonstration for Lesbian/Gay Recognition Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay /Bisexual Concerns led a coalition in the design and execution of a demonstration that turned an act of inhospitality on the part of the GC into a powerful witness. Affirmation-along with the Methodist Federation for Social Action, the Women's Caucus, and the Interethnic Caucus-campaigned for the right of an Affirmation spokesperson to address the conference during the debate on homosexuality. Not since 1976 had an openly gay or lesbian person addressed the Gc. When this request was denied by vote of the GC, 20 persons carried a large banner proclaiming "The Stones Will Cry Out" onto the convention floor between the delegates and the presiding bishop. Supporters in the galleries periodically made the bleachers rumble and cry out at the injustice. This demonstration received widespread press attention. Annual Conferences Address Lesbian/Gay Concerns Several annual conferences, meeting in May and June, also took actions regarding Reconciling Congregations and ministries with lesbians and gay men, as reported in the UM Newscope: The California-Pacific Conference, by an overwhelming vote, encouraged local churches to study Christianity and homosexuality and to consider becoming Reconciling Congregations. The Minnesota Conference received the report of a special task force on ministry with homosexual persons and designated 1993 as a "Year of Faithful Inquiry," in which individuals and congregations are asked to study the concerns of lesbian/ gay persons. The conference received a study document on homosexuality, and special training was mandated for clergy. In addition, the three Reconciling Congregations in Minnesota prepared a resolution that affirmed "services of blessing and celebrations of committed relationships for couples of the same gender" within Reconciling Congregations and to be celebrated by their clergy. The presiding bishop ruled that the resolution was contrary to church law and could not be presented to the conference. The conference subsequently voted to appeal this ruling to the UMC's Judicial Council. The California-Nevada Conference adopted a resolution recommending that congregations study ministry with lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons. In addition, each district superintendent was instructed to question each congregation as to its openness to such ministries at each annual charge or church conference. The Oregon-Idaho and Rocky Mountain Conferences adopted resolutions in opposition to civil initiatives that seek to limit the rights of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons. In addition, Oregon-Idaho asked local churches to study homosexuality and report results back to the conference. The Northern New Jersey Conference passed a resolution affirming the right of lesbians and gay men to be full members of congregations. The Reconciling Congregations of the Northern Illinois Conference read a statement to their conference session following the report of the General Conference delegation. This statement declared that the UMC's anti-gay/lesbian actions "give religious sanction to the increased gay bashing which we must abhor." The statement also called on the Northern Illinois Conference to "repudiat[e] hate groups which threaten the well-being of gay men and lesbians, repent. .. the church's exclusion of some of God's children, and shar[e] in a service of healing and reconciliation." Open Hands 22 Nourishing the Tree ofLife Services Impact Communities Across the Country 2spite recommendations from a Love and Justice shortly before, Estacada cially "welcoming." In Chicago, an -tudy committee, among other members were not sure persons would interfaith service during Gay /Lesbian ~e the position of the have energy for another special gather-Pride Week drew 70 people of faith- o homosexuality, ing. However, many members of many of whom have felt the pain and erence retained its Portland's Lesbian Community Project isolation from their respective religious that "the prac-who had participated in the walk came bodies. Parts of the Nourishing the Tree bJ::nosa'Uality is inmmpatible with back to Estacada to share in the wor-of Life service were incorporated in the ~--.. _--'-!__ • ~See story on page 22.) ship which proved to be a powerful, Pittsburgh Gay /Lesbian Pride Service, . tack of hospitality moving event. with over 325 people attending. lHt:'U1UUist Church (UMC) Another Nourishing the Tree of Life The theme of healing and nourish-al congregations and service in Oregon was held in Salem on ment echoed all across the country as roughout the country orga-individuals found welcoming space. For and took part in worship ser-some, it was a time to sustain their 'ic·es to offer healing for those hurt by common journey as a Reconciling Con- he C\IC's policies and to demonstrate gregation, Affirmation group, or MFSA discontent with the church's continued chapter. The service in Oklahoma City homophobia. The week of June 20-28 featured singing and sharing to \vas designated for holding these ser-emphasize the experience of healing. vices, although some were held later In Richmond, Virginia, seven in the summer and some are planned \. ~_ people gathered before their annual for early fall. The Reconciling Con-/ -~ \ conference session, giving energy to gregation Program coordinated / conference members to continue 1 )these services, in conjunction with ( their witness against homophobia the Methodist Federation for Social \ ~< / within the conference. In Boston, 80 Action (MFSA) and local chapters Of~~ ,/;1 persons remained after the annual con-Affirmation: United Methodists for Les-{ -~-C'~'/ \ ~~)ference session for a time of reflection bian/Gay /Bisexual Concerns. '-" t "'"~) fr"~ and celebration before returning to , Nourishing the Tree of Life was the ~~" ~ "'" jf their homes and churches. theme ofthese services using Jeremiah ~ 't. ",¥/ ~ :; The services elicited a very posi17:5-8 and Revelation 22:1-2 as the "r"" ~I -..., ~. _ tive response from most participants biblical foundations. The content of ~) \ ':{ I!.t and filled a variety of needs in their ~ the different sponsoring groups who : ~. '""~ r nominational gathering of 70 persons in were present at the General Conference June 28. -~ ~ the East Ohio Conference commented in Louisville. The service drew on the Around 120 ~~ on the need for such a service on a more criptural metaphors of the river that persons from all arou~~",..~,_"~ regular basis. Among those attending a gives life and the tree that bears fruit. the state participated, including . Saturday night gathering of 80 persons Over 85 persons across the country the bishop and the associate conference in Sacramento was an older woman volunteered to be local contacts and council director. As worshipers left, who, in her young adulthood, had been organizers in cities and towns from they were given oak trees to take home very active in the UMC. However, after Vacaville, California, to New Haven, and plant. A blessing of the trees was coming out as a lesbian, she had been Connecticut; from Milwaukee, Wiscon-given by a Native American pastor who away from the church for many years. sin, to Houston, Texas. Thousands of recalled the isolation and exclusion he After the service, she expressed how persons-United Methodists, friends also felt from the church. good it felt to be back in a loving church from other denominations, and persons Participation extended beyond the again. Similarly, after a service attended from outside the church community-United Methodist community. In by over 50 in Newark, Delaware, the participated in these services of healing Springfield, Illinois, the Metropolitan mother of a gay man asked, "Why have (f) o c and reconciliation. The Nourishing the Community Church pastor assisted in I waited so long to know that some in Tree of Life services provided an oppor-leading the service, which drew 40 per-my church will love my son?" : ~ tunity to draw various communities sons. In Austin, Texas, the planning Nourishing theTree of Life has certainly • .> • ell • C . g- together in solidarity with persons group decided to divide the offering proved to be another milestone in the • :n ostracized by the church. three ways-the local Affirmation growth of our reconciling movement . D>The service at Estacada UMC in group, national RCP ministries and across the country. We offer special thanks . Qc: Oregon drew around 90 people on June First English Lutheran Church, the only to the many volunteers who helped orga-Cil · ~ 25. Because they had hosted a Walk for congregation in Austin which is offi-nize, publicize, and lead these services. ~ · . .= ~ Summer 1992 23 Five Reconciling Congregations In New Zealand A newly formed Methodists for Les· bian and Gay Concerns in New · Zealand wrote to the RCP office in the · summer of 1991 requesting information · about Reconciling Congregations. A recent letter from the Rev. Ashley · Sedon, convener of the group, reported that, as of this past July, five congre: gations in New Zealand had decided to : become Reconciling Congregations. · These parishes are Glenaven Methodist · Church (Dunedin), Broad Bay Methodist Church (Dunedin), Mornington · Methodist Church (Dunedin), Hamilton Methodist Church (Hamilton), and · Aotea Chapel Methodist Community (Auckland). It is with great joy that we celebrate the growth of the RCP as an · international movement! Reconciling Congregations ARIZONA ILLINOIS Tucson Chicago St. Francis in the Albany Park UMC Foothills Irving Park UMC CALIFORNIA MayfairUMC Albany Parish of the Holy AlbanyUMC Covenant Berkeley United Church of TrinityUMC Rogers Park Fresno Evanston WesleyUMC Hemenway UMC Hollywood Wheadon UMC Hollywood UMC Oak Park Los Angeles Euclid A venue UMC United University Winfield Wilshire UMC Winfield UMC Milpitas IOWA Sunny hills UMC Des Moines San Francisco Trinity UMC BethanyUMC KANSASCalvary UMC Mission Hamilton UMC ecumenikos Trinity UMC Santa Monica LOUISIANA Church in Ocean New Orleans Park St. Mark's UMC Vacaville .MARYLANDSt. Paul's UMC BaltimoreWest Hollywood St. John's UMC Crescent Heights UMC MASSACHUSETTS Osterville COLORADO Osterville UMC Denver St. Paul's UMC MINNESOTA Minneapolis DISTRICT OF Prospect Park UMCCOLUMBIA Walker Community Washington UMC Christ UMC WesleyUMC Dumbarton UMC MISSOURI GEORGIA Kansas City Atlanta Kairos UMC Grant Park- Aldersgate UMC OPEN AND AFFIRMING: A JOURNEY OF FAITH An Open and Affirming Video Resource from the United Church Board for Homeland Ministries "It brings to life the printed words I have read about the ONA process. Real people. Real churches. Really valuable!" VCC Clergyperson "An excellent video. I lookforward to using it in our local church. " VCC Laywoman "Presents the issue rationally, with conviction, from a variety of perspectives. " Open and Affirming: A Journey of Faith Color, 55 minutes, VHS; Purchase only -Not available for rental Documents the experiences of three United Church of Christ congregations deciding whether or not to declare themselves open to and affIrming of lesbian, gay and bisexual persons. Different approaches to the ONA dialogue are documented as are candid comments from church members about personal experiences with the ONA process. Video package includes printed resources. Rev. Bill Johnson ONA Video Resources -UCBHMlDAMA 700 Prospect Avenue Cleveland, Ohio 44115-1100 All orders must be pre-paid by check or money order payable to "UCBHM". For further information call (216) 736 -3270. NEW YORK OREGON WASHINGTON Brooklyn Estacada Seattle Park Slope UMC Estacada UMC Capitol Hill UMC Craryville Portland Wallingford UMC Craryville UMC New York Church of St. Paul & St. Andrew Metropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC Metanoia Peace Community PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC First UMC of Germantown TENNESSEE WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC Reconciling Conferences OHIO Columbus Nashville Edgehill UMC California-Nevada New York Third A venue Community Church TEXAS Hous ton Northern Illinois Troy Toledo Bering Memorial UMC Central UMC Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 8 No 1 - Our Spirituality: How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/35ce9a53491a51d7e65e5910cf29fe12.pdf 3fca62949b33266fa8c4953ed0c1bbde Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 7 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1992 Publication Date The date the issue was published Spring Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 7 No 4 - Living God's Call: Lesbians, Gay Men, and Bisexuals in Ministry https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/0192271ad7172b13d97048227d1fb72b.pdf e6cbbf6715648b7e20720355b49efd2d Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 7 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1992 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 7 No 3 - Creating Alliances: Lesbian/Gay, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Persons Working Together For Change https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/62fdeaf23b965894b79789dcfcae84a1.pdf 9619ab2ebe8d203976b9b2d3369f372c Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 7 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1991 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 7 No 2 - Bisexuality: Perceptions & Realities https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/79b39db111f3dfec8d76550d6a04df31.pdf 2833867376c9b18d9fdd4876b8b39c15 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 7 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1991 Publication Date The date the issue was published Summer Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 7 No 1 - Celebrating Our Sisters and Neighbors: Keeping the Lesbian Spirit Alive https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/25435e0b5859e3ec12e00bd82ad14cf5.pdf 69747f96b7613463f976dde9824d8a7e Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 6 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Date The date the issue was published 1991 Table of Contents The table of contents of the issue Spring Text Any textual data included in the document Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc., as a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Each issue of Open Hands focuses on a particular area of concern related to gay men and lesbians within the Church. The R econciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. In this network, Reconciling Congregations fmd strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations, along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Mfirming (United Church of ChristfDisciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist) congregations, offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the Reconciling Congregation Program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Information about the program and these resources can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Reconciling -'linistries u:ith Lesbillns and Ga.' _len The Theological Task: Different for Lesbians~ Gay Men~ and Bisexual .~........... . Morris Floyd On Being an Artist of the Spirit...................................................... 6 Rebecca Ruth Richards and Kathy Schaafsma On My Journey Now ....................................................................... 8 Ra';"dy Miller The Road Back: From Religious Abuse to Healthy Spirituality ...............................l1 CathyAnn Beaty Doing Theology: Some Personal Perspectives Making Our Own Doors ............................................................. 13 Douglas F ederhart God Loves Me .............................................................................. 15 Donna Jones Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality ...................................... 16 Gloria Soliz My Cup Runneth Over............................................................... 17 R. S. Umoja Sustaining the Spirit A Eucharistic Liturgy ................................................................. 18 Dan Geslin and Bill Plieseis Our Table Prayer...................... · ................................................. 20 Ahavat Shalom Resources ......................................................................................... 21 RCP Report.....................................................................................22 2 Open Hand.. Living as God's Crea~on: Lesbian / Gay Reflections on Christian Theology Like all individuals and all groups of people, lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons of faith have their own spiritual insights and experiences. Among themselves, these offerings can constitute a legitimate theology of their own-much like the important perspectives offered by feminist, Black, Latin American, and other liberation theologies. Equally important, only when the insight of all these theologies are valued will Christians be on the way toward developing a theology that truly speaks to the complexity of human experience. Various Christian denominations have official statements exploring why and how they "do theology." The United Methodist Church (UMC), for example, adopted a statement at its 1988 General Conference that defmes theology as "our effort to reflect upon God's gracious action in our lives." This statement, entitled "Our Theological Task," lists various responsibilities faced by Christians as we do our own theologizing: theological work is "both critical and constructive," "individual and communal," "contextual and incarnational," and "essentially practical." Through much of Christian history, theology has been treated as the province of the narrow set of persons who have largely run the Churchessentially, heterosexual, White, European and North American males with formal academic training in religion. Yet, as the UMC statement reminds us, theology should be inclusive: "The discernment of 'plain truth for plain people' is not limited to theological specialists. Scholars have their role to play ..., but all Christians are called to theological reflection." Moreover, Christians of varied perspectives and cultures "are called to work within our diversity while exercising patience and forbearance with one another. Such patience stems ... from an awareness that we know only in part and that none of us is able to search the mysteries of God except by the Spirit of God." It is in this spirit that we present this issue of Open Hands. For it is only when the UMC and other Christian denominations are intentional about blending in their theology the entire r ange of perspectives and cultureslesbian, gay, bisexual, and heterosexual; from all racial, ethnic, and economic spheres-that the Church will be able to claim with any integrity that it is working toward the inclusive theology that Christ clearly desires for us. ********** We are pleased to announce that, beginning with this issue, Open Hands is printed on recycled paper. This paper meets both the guidelines for recycled paper set by the U. S. Environmental Protection Agency and stricter standards set by various state governments. In addition, because this paper is "uncoated" (i.e., not glossy), it is easily recyclable in many communities. It is also less expensive than our previous paper, enabling us to print Open Hands with two ink colors throughout--and still have a slightly reduced printing bill! T Next Issue~ Theme: Lesbian Concerns Spring 1991 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors Ann Thompson Cook Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Kristen Burkert Morris Floyd Editorial Assistants Van Dixon Donna Jones Graphic Design Supon Design Group Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters to the editors, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1991 by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 ® Printed on recycled paper 3 The Theolo~ea1 Task: Different for lesb~Gay Men, and Bisexuals? by Morris Floyd Church people are accustomed to talking aboutor at least listening to others talk about-theology. Asked the meaning of theology, they might respond in a simple way that it is "thinking about God." The inadequacy of such a defmition becomes immediately apparent, of course, if one tries to imagine "thinking about God" independent from any religious or life experience. Theological insight is required even to defme the term God that is to be the subject of thought. The question of God-or, for.that matter, of god(s)--does not arise in a vacuum. Rather, the idea of God arises most often as a result of questions about other subjects. In many cultures, the issue arises from a question about how "things" (the world , humankind, a people, the rain) came to be or about how "things" got to be the way they are. Questions such as these arise out of the experience of those asking the question. To this extent, theology has as much to do with the one who "does" it as with the One who is its subject. This reality can be illustrated by thinking of the first few chapters of Genesis as a theological document. These chapters certainly meet the defmition of theology as "thinking about God." Opinions about the nature of God can be inferred from them, but these chapters also contain information about the world, the plants and animals that inhabit it, the relationships between them, and their relationships with the creator. God is described only with reference to other entities. Moreover, what we learn from these chapters depends a great deal on what questions we imagine the writer was addressing or on what questions we ask when we go to the text. Reading the Bible as a theological document is not unlike the game show Jeopardy, in which the questions are at least as important as the answers. The depth of the question's significance can be seen by imagining an answer as "1492." The accompanying question might be "In what year is Christopher Columbus said to have discovered America?" Alternatively, the question might be "In what year was the fate of the indigenous people of the Americas sealed when the invasion from Europe gained a solid foothold in the hemisphere?" In the first case, "1492" would be a simple but correct response to a schoolchild's question. In the second case, itwould be a "true" response about a historical reality that has had a permanent impact on the cultures, politics, and ecologies of the north and south American continents. In comparison with the historical reality referenced by the question, the answer is of little significance. Even more important, the difference between the two questions reveals much about the experience of those who ask them. While it is true that the same person could ask either question, one may well wonder whether a person who was concerned with the second question would bother with the first. The same principle applies in reading Genesis or engaging in any other theological endeavor. There mayor may not be "truth" or "truths" that are the same no matter who asks the question. The meaning of those ideas, however, likely will not be. That is why in any faith community it is so important to have a variety of people asking theological questions. Without that variety, the faith is reduced to a collection of principles whose full meaning is lost to the community. In time, the principles become more important than the questions, and a stultifying fundamentalism sets in. When that fundamentalism is further reinforced by one or another kind of social intolerance, emotional or physical violence can result. What CathyAnn Beaty refers to as "religious abuse" elsewhere in these pages is one example. In short, any theological endeavor based solely on what the Bible "says" is destined to be incomplete. Theology must be informed by the witness of the Scripture, but that witness should be enlightened by the experiences of the persons doing the theology, the insights of our forebears in the faith, and the knowledge that further insight is still to come. Persons raised in a Methodist environment may recognize in this what is commonly called the "Wesleyan quadrilateral": the teaching of John Wesley that enlightened Christian theology has four sources-Scripture, experience, tradition, and reason. E lsewhere in this issue, Randy Miller explains that "the starting point ofdoing theology is naming and defming one's own condition and experience." In addition, however, the authenticity of a "lesbianlgay/bisexual theology" will be greatest when that theology emerges on the basis of the experience of a whole community, rather than the experience of a single individual in that community. To move even further-towards a complete, more inclusive theology--dialogue is necessary both among those whose experiences are similar and with those whose experiences are different. Any theology based solely on the experience of persons of one sexual orientation, one gender, or one ethnic group is destined to speak to and for only that subset of experience. Ifthe churches fail to empower their members for the theological task by fostering community among people with different experiences, the result may well be something not terribly different than what exists todaya disharmonious, sometimes vituperative competition of ideologies, rather than a symphony of shared vision, careful thought, and faithful action. T he theological task does not end with creating a context in which this kind of "thinking about God" can occur. Another aspect of Christian theologizing is the establishment of a connection between the 4 Open Hand~ dialogue that is happening now empirical knowledge. ~~ In 1988~ a with the dialogue that has come rewritten theological statement before. This imperative can be a approved by the denomination~s neology has as particular challenge for lesbians~ General Conference~ affirmed gay men~ and bisexuals. Anti-gay ··efforts to discern the connections proof texts from the Bible have between revelation and reason~ been hurled against us for a long faith and science~ grace and much to do·witn the time by those who would~ in the nature ... in developing credible name of Christ~ deny us access to and communicable doctrine."5 the Gospel unless we are preSetting aside the implicit pared to deny the gift of our assertions that the purpose of sexuality. The parts of the doing theology is to develop one wh.o"does" it Christian tradition that have doctrine~ critical analysis is what respected that gift and honored keeps the theologian from talking our relationships have been only to her-or himself. Much carefully hidden~ while theological thinking about matters as with ,the One tradition~ s heterosexist and related to sexual orientation has homophobic aspects have been been devoid of reason~ ignoring emphasized. well-established insights from A large measure of our scientific and empirical discitheological task then is to do as plines. When we avoid that fault~ who is its subject. John Shelby Spong has suggested in the title of his recent book-to rescue the Bible from the fundamentalists.l At the same time~ we can open for public view those parts of the Christian tradition that have been hidden from us~ knowing that they offer a liberating word of good news for many. To do so~ we will have to address the dozen or so biblical passages that seem to have specific references to same-sex behavior. This does not mean surrendering to the traditional approaches or literal interpretations of those who are predisposed to condemn us. Rather~ as James Nelson has pointed out~ it means adding value to the Bible and to the Christian tradition by bringing to them the ··crucial insights about the ways of God in human relationships~~ that arise from our ··consciousness of sexual oppression."2 This part of the theological task is not merely debunking. It also involves bringing into the discussion the rest of Scripture~ the parts that capture the fullest meaning of discipleship and give greatest expression to the inclusiveness to which God is calling the churches. John McNeill~ a former Jesuit priest and author of The Church and the Homosexual~ has written about ··one of the true ironies of history: for thousands of years in the Christian West~ homosexuals have been the victims of inhospitable treatment-the true crime of Sodom-in the name of a mistaken understanding of Sodom~ s crime."3 You may not have to be lesbian~ gay ~ or bisexual to have that insight~ but it certainly helps in appreciation of the irony! And is it coincidence that only a gay scholar (historian John Boswell~ author of Christianity, Social Tolerance and Homosexuality) has persevered to discover centurieshidden evidence that celebration and solemnization of samesex relationships is a significant part of the Christian tradition.4 F inally~ the theological task requires an accountability to reason. As the statement on ··Our Theological Task~~~ adopted in 1972 by the United we strengthen our own understandings as well as improve the credibility of our insights to those whose perspectives may be different. T he theological task may~ itself~ not be different for lesbians~ gay men~ and bisexuals than it is for heterosexuals~ but the contributions we can make to that task are. To the extent that being gay or lesbian-or indeed~ having any other characteristic-is a key to one's identity, it will playa key role in that person~s contribution to doing theology. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons of faith bring crucial insights to the church's ongoing need to develop and redevelop valid theology. The other writers in this issue introduce some significant areas of this insight: the importance of various forms of interpersonal and communal relationships; what it can mean to be an ··outsider'~ or victim of ··oppression"; why the church everywhere is called to be inclusive; and the comfort and sureness that can come from personally knowing the accepting love of God even when that love is denied by other humans~ whether they be in one~ s family of origin~ the chutch~ or society at large.T Notes 1. John Shelby Spong, Rescuing the Biblefrom Fundamentalism: A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning ofScripture (San Francisco: Harper, 1991). 2. James Nelson, "Reuniting Sexuality and Spirituality," The Christian Century, February 25, 1987, p. 188. 3. John McNeill, "Homosexuality: Challenging the Church to Grow," The Christian Century, March 11, 1987. 4. John Boswell introduces some of his fmdings in a videotape, 1500 Years ofthe Church Blessing Lesbian and Gay Relationships: It's Nothing New (available from Integrity, Inc., P.O. Box 19561, Washington, DC 20036). 5. The Book ofDiscipline ofthe United Methodist Church 1972, Para. 70, p. 70, and 1988, Para. 69, p. 86. Morris Floyd is a ministerial member ofthe California-PaciflC Annual Conference ofthe United Methodist Church, serving a special Methodist Church~ declared~ ··Christian doctrines which appointment as a health-care administrator in Minneapolis. He is one of are developed from Scripture~ tradition and ·experience~ the spokespersons ofAffirmation: United Methodistsfor Lesbian, Gay, must be submitted to critical analysis so that they ... avoid and Bisexual Concerns. self-contradiction and take due account of scientific and Spring 1991 5 On Beingan Artist ofthe Spirit by Rebecca Ruth Richards and Kathy Schaaftma Recently I (Rebecca) spent a glorious afternoon in New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art. For an entire hour, I was totally immersed in the qualities of light, sound, and smell elicited by one Monet painting, "A Bridge Over a Pool of Water Lilies." Deep in meditation, I remember wondering, what made Monet believe in his own work? The critics, authorities of artistic value, derided the style as "giving an impression," but not worthy of being called ""true" art. How did Monet know that his canvases would not end up on the trash heap or in dusty attic oblivion? A partial answer came as I contemplated the pure joy of standing there in the warm, buzzing, summer garden, watching the artist in the rapture (or struggle) of creation. Monet painted what he saw in the scene, not what artistic authority prescribed. Most art-and true genius-is thusly born. Itbreaks with tradition; in the face of its critics, it has the courage to continue, to tell its own story. During a time in my life when I was struggling to understand the gifts that I, as a pastor and as a lesbian, had to offer the church, I prepared a lenten sermon on I Samuel 16:1-13 and John 9:1-41. Both of these lessons have to do with ways of seeing things, and what it means to see. In the Hebrew Bible lesson, Samuel goes to Bethlehem to anoint Saul's successor. Even the prophet is subject to the lure of outward appearance and must be reminded that God sees things differently. This story is only one among many in scripture by which we are reminded that God's ways are not our ways. In the passage from John, Jesus challenges the usual order of things, questioning the authority of the religious establishment. When Jesus heals the one born blind, the council of Pharisees responds with jealous anger, condemning Jesus and casting the healed one out of the temple. Jesus responds that indeed he has come ""that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind" (John 9:39). Those of us who have been blinded to our own wholeness by the imposition of the dominant cultural norm of heterosexuality have had our eyes opened: Gay and lesbian Christians have been cast out of the temple, not by God, but 6 Open Hands hy religious authorities who have patterned religious law concerning human sexuality after their own image. As we discover the wholeness within ourselves, we fmd the affirmation of God's hlessing. Through faith in God and in our own worth, we proclaim, as did the one horn hlind, "One thing I know, that though I was hlind, now I see" (Jo1m 9:25). As we come to understand the failings of the church in its interpretation of Scripture, we also look more skeptically upon the Scripture itself. While we take very seriously the hiblical witness to the loving creator, we are fully aware that Scripture also reflects the imperfect human culture through which it has come. For example, we read in Genesis 19 (the infamous story of Sodom and Gomorrah) that Lot offered his young daughters to he gang-raped rather than turn over the messengers of God to the angry moh from Sodom. The moh was intent on hrutalization and murder, an expression of violence condemned hy God. But the fact that Lot's offer of his daughters is not also condemned reflects the values of the malecentered society which produced the text. In an equally prohlematic text from Judges II, a hargain struck with God for military victory results in J ephthah ' s making a hurnt offering of his own daughter. Jephthah's willingness to sacrifice one of "his own" to achieve a goal demonstrates his culture's emphasis on ownership over relationship. A god whose favor can he had for a price is not a god of justice. Nor are Jephthah's actions an example of faithful living we want to emulate. Particularly disturhing for women is the model of faithfulness provided to the daughters of Israel hy Jephthah's unnamed daughter. Her sacrifice, commemorated annually, upholds the value of a woman's ohedience, even unto death, to patriarchal authority. Even the New Testament is often more a conveyer of ancient cultural norms than of God's will. Paul's use of marriage analogies, in which the hride-church submits to her hushand-Lord, illustrates the role of women in marriage at that time. The proscriptions in I Timothy (Paul's authorship is widely disputed) against the leadership of women in the church reversed the place of women in the earliest Christian communities. Unfortunately, this reversal hecame the norm, estahlishing church practice for centuries. It is of particular interest to leshians and gay men that the church relinquished its earlier inclusivity in order to conform itself to the cultural norms of the Roman Empire. Scriptural and ecclesiastical authority are riddled with patriarchal, sexist, racist, and heterosexist values. Therefore, in our efforts to understand divine nature and to develop a value system consistent with that understanding, we must turn to our own experience of God's presence in our lives and in our community offaith. Like the creative genius, we must trust our experience. We must acknowledge what we see and proclaim that vision. We must open our eyes, ears, hearts, and minds to the stirrings of the Spirit and honor what we receive. We must value these gifts and share them. We must trust that God's purpose is hest fulf"illed when all of HerlHis creatures have the freedom to speak and live their visions, for only then will God's will for all of creation-not the will of ruling authorities-he accomplished. We must work confidently for the day when church authority will rest in the community of the faithful, a community as diverse as God's creation, with every race proudly represented, men and women working cooperatively together, gay men and leshians openly contributing their voices, with the voices of the poor, the elderly, the young, and the physically challenged all respectfully heard. Indeed, it is within the faith community that our new theology is tested, as we who are huilding the inclusive community of God share with one another our experience and our visions. Christ's first commandment, to love God, and the second, to love our neighbors as ourselves, move us to thankfulness toward God, to ~ zz::::,c:. compassion towards others, and to loving acceptance of ~ ourselves. Christ tells us not to judge or condemn ourselves or others. Towards tax collectors, _the sick, the hlind, the leper , the rich, the poor, the confused , the ostracized, Christ shows us an example of inclusive love, mercy, and compassion. We see in Christ an active love, a hrightly hurning fire which could he quenched neither hy the threat of death nor hy death itself. We too must tend the fires of our spirits through loving action, with compassion for all our hrothers and sisters and with compassion for those who exclude us, condemning no one. As leshians and gay men, we experience the love of God every day-in the heauty of nature; the courage of those who struggle; the love of our partners, friends, and relatives; the unexpected moments of perfect peace and tranquility; and the understanding we gain as we move through our lives open to the Spirit. God, in whom we too live and move and have our heing, sustains us and helps us to sustain each other. Because we experience ourselves to he cherished children of our creator, we can celehrate our lives. We shall not deny who we are. We shall not deny God's love for us. Rather, as trusting children, we shall rejoice in that love and share it with all, especially with those whom society has rejected. As we move toward the a.rticulation of a leshian/gay theology, we must he recalled to the struggle of the artist, not only to take courage, hut to he reminded, as Samuel reminded the assembly at Bethlehem, that "God sees not as people see" (I Samuel 16:7). Throughout the hiblical narrative, divine wisdom is revealed through the witness of those who stand against the outward and visible authorities andfor the internal authority of God's spirit and claim on their lives. God's spirit in the world does not wait upon the approval of religious authority-for good reason. And ifgay and leshian Christians are to he the instruments of God's grace, neither can we." Rebecca Ruth Richards and Kathy Schaafsma are partners and members ofSt. John's UMC ofBaltimore City, a Reconciling Congregation. Rebecca directs a racial justice center, and Kathy coordinates Central American solidarity activities. Spring 1991 7 b y Randy Miller /IOn my journey now, on myjourney now. And I wouldn't trade nothin' for my journey now. /I -African American Spiritual T hese days I am reminded almost daily what a rare and beautiful opportunity it is to be an Mrican American man who loves men. As a gay man, I am utterly convinced that my life has been blessed and continues to be shaped by the hand of a loving God. My journey to this affirmation has not been an easy one. The double burdens of racism and heterosexism have taken their toll, but the pain does not exceed the power. Indeed, it is only as I have begun to embrace and confront the painful experiences in my life that I have been able to speak theologically about my journey and to feel connected to other people who share similar journeys. "Yet do I marvel at this curious thing, To make apoet black and bid him sing. " -Countee Cullen1 T he great genius of the M rican American experience, according to Marlon Riggs, 2 has always been a kind ofpastiche, the selective collection and reshaping of a hodgepodge of experiences and traditions to meet the survival needs of Mrican American people. In my own theological journey, I am indebted to many people, some living, some now ancestral. I offer these reflections as a way of keeping the faith and expressing my gratitude. I hope it might also be of help to those who have temporarily lost their way on the journey out and those who need an advocate in their struggle for human dignity. But mostly I write this for my Mrican American gay brothers and lesbian sisters who are living and all too often dying in a world that seems alien. This is/ or us. "Ain't none of us free until we all are free." Doing Theology "Somebody, anybody, sing acolored girl's song. She's so lost to herself that she does not know her infinite beauty." -Ntozake Shange3 I believe that the s~arting ~oint of do~~ theology is naming and definrng one s own conditIOn and experience. A popular misconception, which is actively promoted by those connected with the institutional church, holds that theology belongs to the realm of experts-in the context of Western Christianity, usually males of European descent-and is thus inaccessible to those without appropriate training or credentials. In this way, the church has imposed, in effect, a ban of silence on the spirituality and experiences of people of color and women. Although recently the contributions of heterosexual women and people of color have been acknowledged to merit further attention, no such acknowledgement is forthcoming for those who are openly lesbian or gay. It is time to break this silence and reclaim theology as a crucial part of who we are as faithful people. Instead of being limited to esoteric discussions, theology can and mu~t provide the energy necessary for survival and the grounding necessary for faithful action. As James Cone, the Black 8 Open Hands ~ -......;:---...--........ ~ ~ / ~~~,J,t/ ~, (I) ~ ~ ~ liberation theologian, maintains in his autobiographical work, My Soul Looks Back4 , "When theology begins to be more than a philosophical exercise, when it becomes a matter of life and death, then the energy to do theology comes easily and naturally. " Doing theology is as necessary to human existence as earth, air, and freedom. More than this, theology is a natural human expression. It belongs to all of us as surely as do love and grief. When theology is seen as the natural outgrowth of the experiences and reflections of faithful people, it becomes possible to understand how the lives of illiterate slaves and uneducated custodial workers can be undergirded with fundamental theological premises that were once and may still be needful to know. Doing theology has played a crucial role in the experiences of Mrican Americans-perhaps best exemplified by the spirituals that our ancestors sang to each other. In the face of a society that continually suggested that the slaves were no one and nothing, spirituals offered the assurance that they and we are children of God and, thus, of inestimable worth. For oppressed people who are aware of their condition, doing theology is a revolutionary act. It is always subversive in that it fosters a chafmg discontent with the present state of affairs and urges the oppressed to "steal away" at the first opportunity to the freedom and abundance that God intends for us. God Is Black I God Is Gay T o be Mrican American means coming to "the angry awareness," in the words of Malcolm X, "that your forebears have worked for over 400 years in this country, from can't see in the morning to can't see at night, without a dime in return." Mrican American people have survived the horror of the middle passage from Mrica, the holocaust of slavery, and the continuing effects of segregation, lynchings, and economic deprivation. We wake each day to a world that is in many ways hostile and alien. At a very fundamental level, then, the problem becomes fmding the presence of the Sacred in a foreign land. Mrican American theology has traditionally found God in the very midst of the struggle for freedom and human dignity. Unlike the image of the "Unmoved Mover"-a God who acts but is never acted upon-traditional Black theology envisions a God of pathos who weeps for her children's oppression, conspires on the side of the oppressed against oppressors, and acts to set her people free. The pivotal event is not the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus but the deliverance of the Hebrew children (M rican Americans) from bondage in Egypt. This understanding of the Exodus from Egypt makes clear that even now, despite all empirical evidence to the contrary, the basis of human freedom and dignity is found most fully within the will and intent of God. God empathizes and acts on behalf of the oppressed. That is why it is possible to affirm that God is Black. Where traditional Black theology does concern itself with Jesus, it is with Jesus the "human one" rather than the Cosmic Christ. It is Jesus the human one who was born to poor parents, preached deliverance for the oppressed, and was finally executed by the authorities. Far from being removed from the reality of daily oppression, Jesus experienced it himself. Where traditional Black theology is concerned with the crucifIxion and resurrection, it is to celebrate it as the triumph of the divine conspiracy. As one theologian put it, "Easter means the executioners don't have the last word." Easter, too, is ultimately about freedom. Within traditional Black theology, then, human liberation and freedom become transcendent values, fundamental to our relationship with a loving God. When freedom becomes a transcendent value rooted in our understanding of the intent and will of God, it is not dependent on recognition of God's intent by those in power. God desires freedom and liberation. It is this understanding that sent ordinary members ofMrican American churches into the streets and the pages of history during the Spring 1991 9 civil rights movement. Despite city and state laws that sanctioned segregation and injustice, Mrican Americans implicitly understood that such things are contrary to God's will for their lives and thus required civil disobedience. This is the great legacy of traditional Black theology: The acknowledgment that God has acted and continues to act for the liberation of all God's people. Those of us who are Mrican American and gay-marginalized even within an oppressed community--can testify to the larger community that God has acted, is acting, to liberate us as well. We affirm that God is gay in that the Holy One actively conspires for our liberation as well. This understanding of human liberation and freedom as transcendent values becomes a tool for critiquing all human relationships, religious tenets, societal laws, and even liberation movements themselves: Are they life-enhancing? Do they acknowledge human dignity and worth? Is their effect to bring justice for all God's people? The Journey Out "Our humanity is our burden, our life. We need only to do what is infinitely more difficult, that is, accept it. " -James Baldwin5 am told fairly often that, if I want to be accepted or successful, I must choose to live a fragmented, selfdestructive life in the closet-or conversely, that I must choose between my experience as an Mrican American and my experience as an openly gay man. In reality, this is no choice. It demands an impossible splitting of the self and confirms deeply held societal beliefs that both "blackness" and "gayness" are unnatural, even evil. As Barbara Deming says so powerfully, "We cannot live without our lives."6There comes a time when wholeness and integrity demand that we choose exile rather than be less than who we are. In choosing exile, we begin the journey out. I have suggested that traditional Black theology is intimately concerned with human liberation and empowerment. At the heart of this concern is an affirmation that human beings are persons of sacred worth-what I have elsewhere called God's original blessing, "the blessing woven into the texture of who we are, that is surely ours even as our fmgerprints or the hairs upon our heads are part of us." What if lesbian and gay people believed at the core of our being and lived our lives as if we were an intricate part of God's plan for her creation? What does this affirmation have to say about our identities, our "closetedness," and our freedom? Perhaps the distinctive witness that Mrican American lesbians and gay men of faith have to offer is simply that such living is possible, despite what seems to be overwhelming eVidence to the contrary. Maybe the gift we have to give is our unique perspective as those who, of necessity, live within the context of at least two experiences of oppression and still make it to freedom. Perhaps what we have to pass on is the knowledge forged at the core of our being that, in the end, all struggles for liberation converge into a common struggle and that despite our differences, all people share a common humanity under the loving eye of the Creator. If so, such knowledge is obtained only by loving ourselves and beginning the journey out.'" Notes 1. Countee Cullen, "Yet Do I Marvel," in Abraham Chapman, ed. Black Voices: An Anthology ofAfro-American Literature (New York: New American Library, 1968). 2. Marlon Riggs, unpublished speech, 1991 National Black Gay and Lesbian Leadership Conference, Los Angeles. 3. Ntozake Shange, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf(New York: Bantam, 1980). 4. James H. Cone, My Soul Looks Back (Maryknoll, N.Y. : Orbis Books, 1986). 5. James Baldwin, The Price ofTicket: Collected Nonfiction, 19481985 (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1985). 6. Barbara Deming, quoted in Audre Lorde, Need: A Choralefor Black Woman Voices (Latham, N.Y.: Kitchen Table: Women of Color Press, 1982). Randy Miller directs the Rafiki Services Project, San Francisco, which trains practical and emotional support volunteersfor African Americans with AIDS, and he serves on the National Council of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbain, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns. Open Hands I 10 Spring 1991 When I first began my ministry at Spirit of the Lakes Ecumenical Community~ a congregation of the United Church of Christ located in Minneapolis~ I knew I would hear many stories about homophobia in the church at large. Spirit of the Lakes~ members are primarily gay ~ lesbian~ and bisexual, and many of them have come from very conservative religious backgrounds. More often than not, the stories I hear are about struggles to recover from a combination of internalized homophobia and internal religious beliefs that do not reflect their personal spiritual experiences. At first~ I heard in those stories references to biblical teachings and subsequent attitudes that condemned gay and lesbian people~ and the profound negative impact that those particular teachings had on parishioners ~ lives. As the months went on~ however~ I began to unearth layer upon layer of other "Christian teachings~~ and methods of religious education that had similar oppressive impact. Time and again~ I hear stories about being forced into believing doctrines and creeds about God and Jesus without being able to make choices about whether or not those doctrines~ creeds, and ways of religious life fit their particular spiritual experience. Over time~ as I have listened to story after story~ I have discovered some very specific parallels between the struggles of survivors of physical~ emotional~ or sexual abuse and the struggles of survivors of this extreme religious indoctrination~ which I call "religious abuse." The results of this abuse~ I believe, have significantly influenced not only my congregants' development as children but their ability to function as healthy adults as well. This can be especially true when one becomes aware of one's sexual orientation at a very young age~ in those most impressionable years of spiritual growth. I am beginning to understand that people who are no longer satisfied with their religious education cover a wide spectrum of experiences and concerns. At one extreme are people who are discovering that they were ritually abused or brainwashed to force on them specific beliefs (including, in some cases~ Satanic and other cults); these people can be trying to recover from such symptoms as multiple personality disorders ~ psychoses~ and suicidal tendencies. At the spectrum~s other end are people who simply have concerns and questions about pieces of religious teachings that no longer seem to fit with their lives. In the middle are many people who have left the church because they have not been given an environment that truly nurtures their spiritual needs. Rather~ they have grown up in environments which insisted that they believe certain "truths" or face rejection by God and the church. Obviously ~ religious abuse covers quite a broad range. The crucial spiritual and therapeutic issues involved across the spectrum have only just begun to be addressed by a handful of professionals in church and therapeutic communities. This kind of abuse commonly produces a lot of guilt and shame~ especially for people from Catholic~ fundamentalist, and very conservative Lutheran backgrounds. Of course, not all people who come from these particular religious backgrounds have suffered from religious abuse. Rather~ many of the people that I have spoken to who have grown up in these religious environments are seeking a spiritual reality that is true for them. Much of their struggle is a 11 result of what they learned as children. Rather than being Christian communities of faith that are welcoming not only given the tools and the permission to question and seek out of diverse sexual orientation but of theological understandtheir own faith when they were young, many grew up with ing as well. beliefs that were pushed onto them, and in some cases used Whatever the direction taken, however, there is a great to keep them "in line." need for internal healing before personal A t the ages of theologizing can take three, four, and place. Folks who have five, children been religiously abused are beginning to ask need time to rediscover questions about God, who they are and what beginning to understand it means to care about what being in relationship themselves. They need is about, and beginning to permission to let go of express their joy and awe guilt and work through in the world, in creation, shame so that they can in themselves, and in their begin to accept themfamilies. It is precisely at selves as creative, this time that they begin to lovable people in their be, if they are in rigid own right. Itis also religious systems, taught critical that they fmd and pushed to believe very safe places and safe . specific doctrines and people. Only then can creeds. These doctrines they begin to ask commonly include a God questions about what who is judgmental, who they have been taught, demands a certain way of as well as to grapple expressing religious belief, with and learn about and who rejects those who their own unique do not. These doctrines spiritual experiences. also specify a male God Though who perpetuates a religious abuse is a very patriarchal system. In old reality, it is a very short, children raised in new discovery. Both an environment of the clergy and the religious abuse receive a church at large have message that "God loves much to do to help you but you don't quite parishioners further measure up. You need to explore their stories be doing something to try and spiritual searching. and better yourself and I am just beginning to then you can fmd God's see what religious abuse grace and go to heaven. If can do to us, and I am you don't believe what the convinced that spiritual church teaches you about recovery is possible. I God, you will go to hell." see it happening for This kind of indoctrimany people at Spirit nation often results in an of the Lakes, as they inability to believe in fmd a church home oneself, to fmd one's that not only is affirmtruth, and to express it ing and nurturing of within a community. It them as lesbian, gay, can also lead to dissatisfaction with one's spirituality, lack of self-esteem, confusion about boundaries (where do I stop and you begin), and, in some cases, a deep loathing of oneself. T he road back to healthy spirituality takes different directions. Many people leave the institutional church altogether, either giving up on ever having spiritual fulfillment or fmding their spiritual needs met in a wide variety of other ways. Other folks choose to leave the church for a time and then seek out and bisexual people but also respects each individual's spiritual journey. In addition, the therapeutic and church communities need to be willing to work together in exploring these issues further, especially for those people who have been severely abused either ritually or denominationally. Itwill take more than a nurturing church home to help those folks recover. The Rev. CathyAnn Beaty is co-pastor ofSpirit ofthe Lakes Ecumenical Community, an Open and Affirming Congregation of the United Church ofChrist in Minneapolis, Minnesota. 12 Open Hand DOING THEOLOGY Some Personal Perspectives Making Our Own Doors by Douglas Federhart T he old neighborhood is no longer; rve been back, driven the streets of my Iowa hometown-streets familiar now only in name and memory. The houses look smaller, shabbier-30 years' weather took a hard toll. Dutch elm disease decimated what was once the canopy of trees that arched over the long slope of West 19th Street. And out beyond myoId house, the dirt road smothers now under a thick blanket of concrete. The hilltop that used to be my private mountain of wild grasses, sumac, and mayflowers-the entire bulk of earth is gone, flattened to a buildable terrain, the dirt now doing duty in some landfill, who knows where? There's no perfume as sweet as an Iowa summer's eve, just after dusk when the air releases the last of its daytime heat, the grass even smeUing green as the dew gathers. For my little group and me, these were the hours to "spy" : lights just on in darkening kitchens, mothers at the windows putting away the last of the supper dishes, dads in the circle of light from living room lamps, alone at last with the Sioux City Journal. Then my friends and I would creep like would-be burglars across the thick lawns, drawing as close as we dared to the window sills, and what we'd steal would be looks in on other people's lives. And ifsomeone would turn our direction-did they hear our shushing noises through the open screen?-we'd dash away as ifour lives depended on a fast escape. I suppose my friends moved on years ago to other games, grown-ups' games, and left behind that childhood stuff. But even now, at 41, I walk down nighttime streets and steal glances into other people's windows, other people's lives, and long for some imagined normalcy. For even as that boy those many years ago, I sensed my differentness, already beginning to know that I did not fit what other people assumed was "the way things should be." Not until my late teens did I have words to describe that differentness-and then, the words were crude and harsh, an affront to how I would describe myself. On the outside looking in: that is perhaps the one universal in the experience of growing up gay or lesbian. Most of us "know" so early, and most of us, out of terror and societally induced shame, keep it secret for so long. I reached my emotional and spiritual showdown comparatively early-at 16, I spoke the words "I think I may be homosexual" to my parents and altered the course of my life from then on. Not that that statement was anything more than the beginning of the process: coming out is lifelong-ajourney only completed at our de,ath. Spring 1991 13 Being gay or lesbian is a life of straddling two culturesthat of dominant society with all its assumptions and often oppressive attitudes~ and that of the counterculture of gay life~ of seeing the world from the outside~ from the country of the dispossessed. I don~t mean this as a negative image. I am grateful for the gift of this "double vision~" and I value this ability to question deeply that being gay can bring. Questioning matters of sexuality has long been necessary to my survival as a human being~ and it seems that once I began asking those questions (discovering that the assumptions of mainstream society didn~t work for me) ~ the door was flung open to asking all sorts of other questions as well. Was the world the way my parents said~ the way our neighbors and our church painted it? The social upheaval of the 1970s was the backdrop for my life as a young gay man. Along with so many people~ I discarded much of what had been held sacred by the generations before me. In the midst of all that~ church and religion went by the wayside. And~ like so many others at the time~ I began experimenting with alcohol and drugs~ and found there effects I grew to love and depend on: namely~ "better living through chemistry" to soften the pain of the alienation I had felt for so long. Paradoxically ~ as I took part in the raucous liberation of the growing gayllesbian movement~ I became subtly yet thoroughly chained to alcohol. Through it all~ never had I any awareness that there was a God operating in the Universe. I relate these things because they are integral to how I now "do theology." I am firmly planted in the camp whose methodology starts with experience-what is my life experience~ and~ out of that~ what do I think I know about God? Nearly a decade ago~ on a spiritual retreat~ I heard Matthew Fox reclaim the word humility. He did a quick word-study with us~ pointing out that the root of the word is the Latin humus, meaning "earth." Therefore, to be humble probably has something to do with being "of the earth." I extend that by saying that humility is the state of knowing who we are, of being deeply in touch with our roots and the very personal ground in which we are planted. My experience, then, includes this proclivity for irreverence: I take very little on faith, and I ask questions about any sort of theological assumption that other people take for granted. I tend to mistrust creeds and dogmas. Ifsomething is not plain and within the grasp of anyone's understanding, then I say itis unnecessarily clouded. Keeping people in the dark may be a means to a sort of power, but it seems to me dishonest and I don't accept it as a way of doing theology. For instance, to say God is Love is a remarkably simple statement, Sunday-school simple. But it has a childlike quality that speaks to me, that rings of a certain truth. This is what I look for, then, in theology: what is the heart of the matter, what is simple and direct? And what is congruent with my life experience? My being gay has entailed another experience, too-that of being, in a spiritual sense, an orphan. As I grew ever further into my coming out, I came to realize that my family of origin, my blood family, was not the place where I received the kind of nurturing I needed as a gay man. I had to become, in effect, an orphan to fmd new ways of defming and creating family for myself. In my first years away at college, when I was first active in discarding traditional social expectations, I discovered in my new gay and lesbian friends the brothers and sisters I did not have growing up ......... ' ... )~..~~I,.~.~#~>t;'~~.4",~~....!'~... !-t.oS ~~~, '"1."'''(-.".,.., • •:~:..,:.!{\::.}.~.t.:···:~·r;.......r...~~.·':.iJ·l'., ~,:~~J","""t!\t;t'..:\>~'~ ·\·';·~"·"\a : •• 0 .. .. .... ••• • • I' : ..... -:,'.. '*, :. '0 ~.. .' • • ..... I." .', 1, ... 1. I ... • , o •• 0 : ", :.' ~ .. ' • .' ' , ~. :'~":' :'. ~" , , : :. 0 , ... " ....... " I" ,'-,'. .....,'.: ,-.. . .. :...... '. . ... · ' .................. '. ' .. .. . • " '."I' •• :.. ..,' '0 • • '. '. to .' ,':'. .. • ,I .',.. :. • •••••0 .. .. ..,'.. .. ... ..... . . . .' • I, '.. ••••• • •. : •• ". .. .... ,. I' " . .. " .... to -..... " ........................... 1# •• _ ................... '. ' .......... " ... . (my biological brother remains in deep ways a stranger to me). And, in recent years especially, I have come to lean heavily on my gayllesbian family, often seeking solace in their arms over losses and griefs-so many deaths-which· my original family understands only in a perfunctory way. I criticize traditional churches on this point: the theology that church should be so structured around the "traditional" idea of family and its values. So much of that time when I felt on the outside looking in was time when I saw in my childhood church those apparently perfect families with those apparently "normal" children. I had no models of alternatives-if there were other gay people in that church (and there almost certainly were), the atmosphere was such that none ever dared let themselves be truly known-unless it was by scandal. My loneliness and bewilderment were only deepened at church. I ronically, the spirituality that today most nurtures and sustains me came to me totally outside the Church. It was through my recovery from alcoholism that I first encountered an extremely pragmatic spiritual program----.:.one grounded in the concept of unconditional love, call that love "higher power" or God or Goddess or any name that has personal meaning. In my Congregational upbringing, spirituality had been something we never talked about, and it was a revelation to me to be encouraged in an intimate, personal relationship with God as I understood God. This approach was my salvationespecially because I had the freedom to fmd what would work for me and, above all, to question and tryout new things. For the first time in my life~ I realized I had the power to think deeply, to meditate~ and to be open to experiencing the presence of God personally. The remarkable transformation was manifold. First, I moved from the position of standing at some institution's Open Hands 14 J:fi~:rf::":";(~r.~ .. .. :... .. . ... . ....... ~~jt;;',':<:\\:\f~J ..... ' .... :::~'(/>' \.? }~~~J~l{f~'':.:.. ............. .......................................... : ~~~.~~.:.!: iron door~ beseeching to be let in~ to the powerful position of creating my own door and stepping into the embrace of my own community. Second~ I found I could make my own family and define for myself what kinds of ties I felt with friends and mentors-brothers~ sisters~ aunts~ uncles~ mothers~ and fathers. And~ lastly~ I realized a Universal Power~ a force I call God~ which is Unconditional Love~ the Source of Justice and the Giver of Liberation. I am back in church~ though the community is far from traditional. I fmd I fit best in a primarily lesbian/gay congregation. (Another irony: this worship family is part of the United Church of Christ~ leading me full circle to my childhood roots.) And~ though I went to seminary~ trained for the ministry~ and earned my mastees degree~ I found out that theology is not strictly the property of ""professionar~ theologians; rather ~ every one of us who examines our life in relationship to how we understand God is a theologian. Now that I have said all this ~ one thing strikes me. I refer a number of times to being nontraditional~ to standing outside the mainstream. But now I feel the urge to ask~ ""Was Christianity ever envisioned to be a "mainstream~ movement?'~ Perhaps it will always be those of us at the outer limits~ the ""fringe~~~ who model for other s how to make their own doors and hence become the vehicles of transformation. Ifthis be one of the purposes my life might serve~ then truly there is grace to be so used." Douglas F ederhart received his master ofdivinity degree from United Theological Seminary ofthe Twin Cities in 1984. For five years, he was an advocatefor the homeless at a churchsponsored shelter. He "retired"from that ministry afew years ago, and now operates a housecleaning service and writes fICtion. Spring 1991 God Loves Me by Donna Jones As a lesbian~ I have experienced the institutional church as a source of great pain and even rejection. On the other hand~ it was in my small hometown church in rural Virginia that I came to understand myself as a lesbian and a Christian and to know where my own ministry should lie. It was my home church that I fmally came back to after years of mistrust and fear. Of course~ I tried not to get involved-I was going only to please my family-but one day my father asked me to teach an adult Sunday school class. I decided to try it. It worked~ and everybody began to encourage me. Eventually ~ I became one of the primary adult teachers and also a lay speaker. Now~ what does all this have to do with spirituality and theology? First~ the success I had in delivering messages of inclusion for all people in God~s house made me know that God loved me and had a plan for me. Second~ because I shared so much of my own life experience in my teaching (although not yet my lesbianism)~ I began to realize that the only way we can truly experience God is to openly share our lives with others. Lastly~ it helped me create my own images of the trinity and how the traditional ""Father~ Son~ and Holy Spirie~ played out in my own life. ""God loves me~~ is probably the most simple and personal theological statement ever made~ but it was the most important one for me as a lesbian to understand. Homosexuality had been presented as the worst possible sin. The fact that the word homosexuality was never even mentioned only served to emphasize how bad it really was to be ""funny" or ""queer." As a young person in the church~ everything told me it was wrong to be gay: Being uneducated in biblical translation~ I believed the Scriptures told me it was wrong; the tradition of my church told me it was wrong; and reason told me that society would reject me because it was wrong. The only thing that told me it was right was my experience (what little I had). Based on the messages I received about how wrong and wicked my feelings were~ I truly believed that God loved me only when I denied those feelings. The problem was I couldn~t always suppress them. Much of the time I felt God couldn~t possibly love me. As I grew older~ experience became more important to me and the church less important. Mter all~ I reasoned~ God didn~t love me anyway~ so why bother? Feeling that I was without God~s love when I needed it so badly~ I developed a negative self image and became self-destructive. I prayed for change but none came. I was so afraid of rejection that I would have done anything to avoid it~ and I was constantly trying to run away and hide~ yet couldn~t find any place where I truly belonged. Finally~ when everything came crashing down around me~ I realized that I had to be content with myself as a lesbian and a good person~ even if that meant that church and God had no place in my life. When I came back to my home church~ I had lost all hope that I would ever have a real relationship with God. Then to my surprise~ my involvement in the church seemed to inspire other people. My sharing of some of my stories seemed to get through to people. Suddenly~ I was fmding a gift that God had surely given me~ and yet I knew that I was 15 a lesbian. To me this could only mean one thing, God loved me! I had fmally come home and found peace. With the overwhelming realization that God could love and use me, I became aware of a need to bring my two worlds together-the gay/lesbian world and the Christian world. How could I do this? Perhaps the only way is sharing. It was through sharing my own life experiences that I had learned that God loved me. Since that beginning, I have learned that this sharing means opening ourselves up to each other, giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Itmeans sharing our pain and our secrets as well as our joys. It means trusting one another and being openminded and nonjudgmental. What do lesbians and gay men have to share? Of course, we have the same gifts and graces that others have. In addition, most of us have experienced a deep sense of alienation from God, the church, and society which allows us to identify with others who are oppressed. Christ's story of oppression, shared throughout the ages, is one that ends in hope and joy. As a lesbian, I have been oppressed, but I have hope, and that needs to be shared. In sharing my experiences, I also need to share my understanding of God in all three forms. Like most people, I grew up with the traditional trinity of "Father, Son, and Holy Spirit," and I still have trouble changing to different, gender-inclusive words. I have realized, however, that I have never taken the traditional expressions literally. For me, "God the Father" has always been reflected in my father's hands, strong and gentle; my mother's smile, warm and caring; amI my grandmother's voice, wise and understanding. A God more concerned with love and justice than with fear and power. A God who wants us to be who we are, not a figment of society's imagination. A God who loves all people no matter who they are, not just society's elite. When I think of "Jesus the Son," I think of a kindred soul, a person who associated with every type of person. I think of a brother who would be proud to have a lesbian or gay man for a sister or brother (perhaps even marching in Gay Pride Day celebrations). I also think of a "rebel with a cause." I identify with Christ and sometimes look to him as the leader of all social justice movements. The Holy Spirit, to me, is a sister, a companion on life's road, the Sustainer. She marches with me at Gay Pride Day. She cries with me when I have been rejected or hurt because of my lesbianism. She laughs with me at my Holy Union. She rejoices in the strength I have and applauds my love for women. She is my "forever friend." My theology is not wrapped up in theories and books. It is a personal experience of God, a personal sharing with God's people, and a knowledge that God loves all that I am. This is my story, my way of dealing with God, my hope for all people to come together and celebrate their differences as well as their similarities with the God I love. T Donna Jones is systems manager for the Federation of Parents and Friends ofLesbians and Gays (P-FLAG) and a lay member ofDumbarton United Methodist Church, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C. Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality by Gloria B. Soliz L esbians, gay men, and bisexuals who consider themselves practicing Christians frequently wrestle with the question, "How does our participation in the institutional church and our sexuality fit together?" Unfortunately, much of the time we compartmentalize by staying sexually closeted in our Christian community and spiritually closeted in our sexual communities. Instinctively, we know our faith and sexual orientation are both integral parts of who we are as children of God, yet we can wonder if it is possible to integrate our spiritual and sexual selves and continue to be active in our worshipping communities. The institutional church often answers this question with diametrically opposing answers, yes and no. Within the United Methodist Church (UMC), for example, the Social Principles affirm that we, like heterosexuals, are "individuals of sacred worth," while the Book ofDiscipline simultaneously declares that "self-avowed practicing homosexuals" are not to be ordained. Positions like this can make it hard for lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals in the church to have integrated experiences as fully sexual and spiritual selves. This can even be the case when one is part of a more supportive spiritual community such as a Reconciling Congregation or an Mfirmation group. I responded to God's call to ordained ministry and came out to myself as a lesbian simultaneously, bringing an incredible burst of energy and joy. The journey began, but I had no idea how my coming out and my call to ordained ministry would fit together within the homophobia of the church in which I had been born and reared. I just knew that discovering my sexual identity and my call to ordained ministry were both gifts from God. I lived the life of a closeted United Methodist clergyperson for four years. During those years, the UMC adopted the Disciplinary language explicitly denying ordination and appointment to "self-avowed practicing homosexuals." Over time, the pain of this decision became excruciating, as my identity as a clergywoman and my sexual identity each became compartmentalized. The stress of this lifestyle caused me to die a little each day. In the midst of all the stress, the cover-up, and the lying, is it any wonder that my theological development became stifled? My studies in seminary and my work in my pastorates became a means of justification by works to make up for my sexual identity. The Board of Ordination did not have to beg the question overtly or covertly. I had internalized the oppressive and threatening situation well. I was held captive by my own fear, which eventually became self destructive. In the end, I was forced to resign in the face of being discontinued. The reasons given were that I was,theologically inarticulate and had an aversion to authority. In hindsight, I can see that in my state of mind there was no healthy integration of my sexual orientation with my ministry. My lifestyle and my theology did not have a chance to mature in the warped and convoluted sin of the United Methodist Church. The board's appraisal of my having an aversion to authority was not clear to me. If they Open Hands meant that I had an aversion to the authority of God in my life, they were right. I was not being faithful in the deepest sense. Ifthey meant that I had an aversion to their authority, yes, this is probably also true. But I refuse to accept a totally negative connotation of an aversion to this authority. As a working-class woman of Hispanic descent, I would mostly likely never have entered-let alone graduated from-college or gone on to seminary. In the midst of the sin of racism and sexism, I have continued to be compelled by a desire for an intimacy with God. In my journey, I have made plenty of miscalculations and mistakes in this realm of sin, yet God continues to offer forgiveness and grace. Over two years ago, I accepted a position in Christian education with a United Church of Christ. My immediate reason for taking the job was fmancial, but, as I talked with a clergy friend from seminary, I also recognized the importance of a continued professional ministry within the church. Then it became clear that I might be putting myself in another compromising situation. The next day I made an appointment with the church's pastor, so that I could come out to him. I was prepared to resign ifhe had any objections to my lesbianism. Obviously, the pastor was accepting of me, since I am going into my third year on the staff. A lthough it is not necessary for me to make an issue of my sexual orientation, it has become more important for me to be open and honest when opportunities present themselves to deepen relations with parishioners and friends. It has been a blessing to have the new experience of providing professional Christian leader-. ship without having my sexual orientation constantly threatening my ministry. I know that God has forgiven me for hiding a part of myself and I have begun to forgive myself. I am still seeking the path that will lead to greater integration of my spirituality and sexuality in my ministry. In the meantime, I have begun to fmd peace. My last six years have been filled with depression and grieving. However, through family, friends, and my Christian brothers and sisters in Mfirmation, God's healing power also has been at work in my life. Perhaps the most significant source of healing in my life has come from the love of a special woman. I understand this new love as a precious gift of hope from God. Whether or not the UMC and other denominations ever resolve their institutionalized conflicts, we who are God's lesbian, gay, and bisexual children are called by Godindividually and collectively-to integrate our lives. As people of faith, we cannot remain conflicted and compromising regarding our Christian faith and our sexuality. Ours is a higher calling to our full humanity in Christ. Our love-making informs our theological understanding of a loving and compassionate God. We cannot settle for anything less than being fully sexual and fully spiritual children of this God of love.T Gloria B. Soliz, M.Div., is coordinator ofchildren and youth ministries at First Congregational Church in San Francisco, an Open and Affirming Congregation. She is also a health educator with Lyon-Martin Women 's Health Services in San Francisco. Spring 1991 My Cup Runneth Over by R.S. Unwja L esbians are Sunday school teachers, chairs of women's groups, committee members, pastors of congregations. Yet we continually hear that God loves us but hates our ""lifestyle." We watch as some of our sister clergy come out, are removed from their congregations or never granted ordination. We listen to whispers of condemnation about the ""two friends" who sit in the rear pew and leave immediately after services. Our childhood God despises homosexuals; our church family denies our very existence; our traditional theology openly condemns us; our denominations and churches believe we are sick individuals who choose to alienate ourselves from God by refusing to ask for forgiveness for our sinful ways. This is my experience, from the heart of a wounded Christian lesbian, unable and unwilling to relinquish my Christianity, looking for an overflowing cup in the midst of a seemingly endless drought. Over the years, my reflections. my stunted spiritual growth, and my weariness at working so hard to be part of-indeed a leader of-a denomination that has not accepted me, called me to step away from it. Doing so has led me on an inward journey, striving to fmd the theology of fullness for which I long. Contemplating the times in my life when I have felt spiritually whole, when I have felt God's love filling me to overflowing, I recall the tender embrace of my lover. My own experience confirms what Carter Heyward and Virginia Mollencott discuss in books and lectures: that it is through relationships, intimate friendships, and lover relationships that we can experience God's love at work in our lives. Together, my lover and I have seen God's gentleness in our most intimate moments, God's compassion when we comfort one another. Itis through the joys and pains of this relationship that I have felt God's spirit entwined with my own, filling me with unconditional love. Throughout the Scriptures, this idea of the sanctity of relationships is a strong theme. Jesus' intimate friendships and his parables reveal how God's love for us can be experienced through the love of another, whether an intimate friend or a stranger. God chose to become human to teach us how to relate to God and God to us. Especially significant for lesbians is the story of Ruth and Naomi-a story of love between two women, through which they learn the power and life-changing excitement of a constant yet evolving God. We who are lesbians need to believe that our lover and friend relationships are sacred, that the way we interact with one another is precious'to God, that our most intimate relationships deserve to be developed, nurtured, and cherished, not only by ourselves, but by our church family. Itis also time to gather, to share our journeys toward spiritual wholeness, to acknowledge our presence and intentional worship, to reclaim Jesus' theology of relationships in all aspects of our lives, including Christian worship and rituals. For it is through our love that we may be filled to overflowing with the presence of God.T R. S. Umoja is an ordained United Methodist clergywoman using a pen name in compliance with her bishop's request. 17 Sustaining the Spirit A Eucharistic Liturgy Bill Plieseis and Dan Geslin Dan Geslin F F Gm --J JIJ F :I r Fl p) C3 r 0::1 PEOPLE : CELEBRANT: CELEBRANT: Yah -weh's spir -it now is with you! And Sbe al-so is witb you! Let us give God praise and glo -ry! It's a rigbt, good tbing to do! PE OPLE: God of life and lib -er -a -tion, we now ga -tber in your name. Bring your praise and gay thanks· giv. ing, and your prom.ise we pro· claim. Gm7 Om OmOm J 3I J j In F1 !pIJ a -ver wa -ters void and deep, Did your spir-it bring forth na -ture and from earth you gave us birth. CANTOR-When the sky down· poured the wa -ters, and the earth was drowned in pain, In the ark you saved us, era -died in your prom -ise: born a -gain. CELEBRANT: Out of noth -ing -ness and cha -as, Gm FF Gm F ~~ J J r-g n 1j j 1fl in n 1J 1U cJ fl l F riA i7J n 1J :11 PEOPlE: Then you breatbed in • to our nos· trils-breatb of life and light 01' mind -You cre· a • ted in your im· age, eacb of us your im· age still. PEOPLE: In tbat sky you put a rain· bow, to re· mind us ev· er· more That life comes In maD -y col-ors and your love's for ev -'I)' • one. I' Bb/G F/A F/G F Bp/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F n 19 Fj n I 3 J R. J n 3 J r a F1 n I 3 J FJ. 3• II 1 1 ~ II: Fl CANTOR' Next through A -bra -ham and Sa -rah, old of age and sex -less then, You birthed us an end -less prom -ise -we, your peo -pie, you our God. CANTOR: God of life and lib -er -a -tion; you have called us each by name, So we dance our gay thanks -giv -ing and your prom -ise we pro -claim! Om Om A7 Om J 3 J J 3I J j I n p) FJ I j. CELEBRANT: When you heard our groans and sor -rows in the chains of sla· ver -y, With a might. y love you saved us; set us free for lib -er -!y. CANTOR Through your psalm -ists and your pro -phets, men and wo -men, young and old, You re-vealedyourWord a· mongus, Godofloveand notof stone. F Gm c7 F I n iJ J J I J PEOPLE' Mo • ses led us t'ward your prom -ise, Mir -iam led us in your dance; eel· e -bra . ling, lib· er -a -tion, We con -tin -ue now tbat dance. :I PEOPLE Once a -gain in great op -pres -sion, wben tbe time was full and right, Ma -ry, young, still in -de -pen· dent, sbe your lov -er birtbed your Word. Om Gm7 Om A7 Om 1 J J P ) n I j. I n A n I J j J J 3I J j 13 JJ1rplJ I'~ J J 3 CANTOR: Je -sus healed and taught a -mong us, shared our strug -gles and our joys, Felt the pain of hu -man bon -dage, preached the way of your sha -10m. 18 Open Hands F Gm c' A7 F Gm c7 1& b a J ra R ia J IHlda 1,1 IODiRlr r IArEa J ~. PEOPLE: Out of fear they'd lose their pow· er if we peo. pie fol· lowed him, Pa • tri· archs and em· pire ru· lers plot· ted then, and now, Christ's end. Dm Gm7 Dm A7 Dm I' b I: J J £J n IJ j I]J p) a la. IJEJ;4 B id J I J J r1 J15 1 J :1 CELEBRANT. On the night be -fore they killed him, he took bread and gave you thanks, Break -ing it he said "my bod· y, " ask -ing "please re • mem -ber me. CELEBRANT Af-ter sup -per in the same way Je -sus took the pro -phet's cup, Blest it, passed it on, he asked us, "drink of the new cov . e · nan!." c7 A7 c7 Gm F Gm ""'I' ~ a J rn a lJ J In J1£J IJ lE3cJ R lr Jj n IJ. II ~ PEOPLE: We pro· claim the death of Je . sus, but Christ's res· ur • rec • tion too; Though they tl)' to kill your prom· ise, still Christ lives and lib· er • ates! F Bb/G F/A F/G Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F ~ !!iii; LO .q.....:::: J I'b I A IJ J Inn. d J JIB ro Pj n IJ J fJ. J I IJ CANTOR: God of love and lib· er • a -tion, we're Christ's bod· Y in your name! With our lives of gay thanks -giv • ing we your prom· ise do pro· claim! • Om Gm' Om Om A' ~ J JJ JIJj ~ 17) Ella. Im;4 a id J I £J r1iplJ CE LEBRANT Christ breaks bread with those who hun -ger and shares drink with those who thirst, And to those who know op • pres· sian, gives your prom· ise of re . birth. A7 F Gm c' F Gm c' I'b a J i7J fl l aJ In ;4 n I J 10 c:::J FJ lr r IDmaJIJ. ~ PEOPlE: At this cov -e .. nan • tal ta -ble we your prom -ise now re • tum; We will share with those who hun · ger, we will set the cap' tives free! F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F I' bfI: FJ I n J. SF] J J In J J. J J Jln 19 Po filJ J Fl. J I :1 CELEBRANT· At this ta . ble all are wei· come: God's good gifts for you are free. Bread of life, cup of sal . va . lion, feast of grace for you and me. PEOPlE On this day of res -ur· rec • tion we will sing and dance and play, For our God of lib -er . a • tlon is a -live in us to -.day! PEOPlE· AI -Ie • lu -ia! Christ Is ris • en! AI Ie I. ia! Christ's a • live! AI Ie lu • la! feel the spir· it! AI • Ie -lu -ia with· out end! PEOPlE AI • Ie -lu -la! Christ Is ris • en! AI -Ie • I. • la! Christ's a -live! AI • Ie • lu -la! feel the spir· it! AI • Ie • lu -ia and A -men! Writtenfor Easter 1990 at Spirit ofthe Lakes Community Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota © 1990 Dan Geslin and BiU Plieseis. AU Rights Reserved. Spring 1991 19 ----------------------------------- --- forw ard~ we see that vict •ving made the journey~ ,.ronl"J'Ir71:ayllesbian congregation in San Francisco Our Table Prayer Holy Spirit~ birth is a beginning and death a destination. Life is a journey: from childhood to maturity and youth to age; from innocence to awareness and ignorance to knowing; from foolishness to discretion and then~ perhaps ~ to wisdom; from weakness to str ength back again ; from health to sic some high stage ~ in love 20 Open Hands Resources LJ . LESBIAN/GAY THEOLOGYGENERAL EXPLORATION Fortunato, John E. Emhracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians. New York: Seabury, 1982. Explores the interaction of sexuality and spirituality and the invitation to growth that lesbian/gaylbisexual experiences of "exile" can present. Heyward, Carter. Touching Our Strength: The Erotic as Power and the Love of God. San Francisco: Harper, 1989. The openly lesbian Episcopal priest and theologian explores the "re-imaging" of sex and of God as sparks that empower people in relationship. Probes "the Sacred" or "divine terrain" through sexual experience and attempts "to give voice to an embodied-sensual-relational movement among women and men who explore our sexualities as a liberating resource." Nelson, James B. Embodiment: An Approach to Sexuality and Christian Theology. Minneapolis: Augsburg, . 1978. Between Two Gardens: Reflection on Sexuality and Religious Experience. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983. Classic works on the interrela~ tionship of human sexuality, including homosexuality, with Christian spiritual experience. Stemmeler, Michael L., and Clark, J. Michael, eds. Constructing Gay Theology. Las Colinas, Texas: Monument Press, 1991. The contributors to this booklet explore the problems of unapologetically constructing gay male theology. Thomas M. Thurston analyzes existing approaches toward a particularly gay theology, J. Michael Clark sets parameters for such a theology, and E. Michael Gorman examines the relationship of religion and spirituality to other aspects of gay culture. John J. McNeill provides a response to all three papers. LESBIAN/GAY THEOLOGYPERSONAL PERSPECTIVES Boyd, Malcolm. Gay Priest: An Inner Journey. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1986. The well-known openly gay Episcopal priest shares his personal spiritual journey. Especially moving are his lengthy meditations on images of "God the Lover" and "Christ the Runner." Spring 1991 Glaser, Chris. Come Home! Reclaiming Spirituality and Community as Gay Men and Lesbians. San Francisco: Harper, 1990. Presents a vision of faith, hope, and affirmation that invites gay men and lesbians to come home to their spirituality through Christian faith and community. Written not only for gay men and lesbians, but also for others seeking to benefit from gay spirituality and ministry. Hull, Gloria T.; Scott, Patricia Bell; and Smith, Barbara. But Some of Us Are Brave: Black Women's Studies. Old Westbury, N.Y.: Feminist Press, 1982. Black women (including lesbians) discuss such topics as racism, Black feminism, and theology. McNaught, Brian. On Being Gay: Thoughtson Family, Faith, and Love. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1988. Valuable reflections on developing honest relationships with oneself, with others, and with God. Mud Flower Collective. God's Fierce Whimsey. Carter Heyward, ed. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1985. Black, Hispanic, and White women-a mixture of working class, feminists, theologians, and ethicists-address classism, racism, sexism, and homophobia through perspectives of Christian feminist theology. Zanotti, Barbara, ed. A Faith of One's Own: Explorations by Catholic Lesbians. Trumansburg, N.Y.: The Crossing Press, 1986. Stories of lesbians raised as Catholic both exemplify those women's sufferings and illustrate their brave and creative quests for meaningful spiritual life. Discusses the varieties of Catholic lesbian faith-faith as a womancentered response to the world springing from the passion of loving women and trusting one's energies to the values inspired by lesbian existence. OTHER LIBERATION · THEOLOGIES Several varieties ofliberation theology have emerged over the past two decades or so. These theologies often emerge • from the experience ofan oppressed • group. As such, they may be models for a distinctively lesbian/gay theology. Following are afew examples: Cone, James H. God of the Oppressed. New York: Seabury, 1975. Speaking the Truth: Ecumenism, Liberation, and Black Theology. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Eerdmans, 1986. Two of several books by one of the leading proponents ofMrican American liberation theology. In God ofthe Oppressed, Cone argues that "one's social and historical context decides not only tIle qQ.estio~s we address to God but also the mode or the form of the answers to the questions." In Speaking the Truth, Cone demonstrates that liberation is an inclusive element of the entire Christian faith, as well as an aspiration of all oppressed peoples. Dussel, Enrique. Philosophy of Liberation. Maryknoll, N.Y.: Orbis Books, 1985. Dussell-an Argentinean philosopher, theologian, and ethicistexamines the alienation of the world's poor and proposes "thinking the world" from their perspective as a means toward creating a just world order. Gutierrez, Gustavo. A Theology of Liberation: History, Politics, and Salvation. rev. ed. Maryknoll, N. Y. : Orbis Books, 1988. Gutierrez, a Peruvian, describes this book in the introduction as "an attempt at reflection, based on the Gospel and the experiences of men and women committed to the process of liberation, in the oppressed and exploited land of Latin America" in which he "reconsider[s] the great themes of the Christian life" from the perspective of "a commitment which seeks to become more radical, total, and efficacious." Harrison, Beverly W. , ed. Making the Connections: Essays in Feminist Social Ethics. Boston: Beacon, 1985. Essays on the connections between various forms of oppression and how that relates to the theological task. Some essays deal specifically with heterosexism in Christian theology. Tutu, Desmond. Hope and Suffering: Sermons and Speeches. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Eerdmans, 1985. The Nobel Peace Prize-winning South Mrican bishop expounds his faith and certainty that liberation will eventually come to South Mrica because the God of liberation is working with and for South Mricans in their struggle. Especially noteworthy are five sermons on "Liberation as a Biblical Theme." 21 Rep Report Welcome to Our 49th RC-Third Avenue Community Church (Columbus, Ohio) The Reconciling Congregation Program (RCP) recently welcomed its 49th Reconciling Congregation. Reborn from a disbanded congregation and boarded-up building, Third Avenue Community Church is, indeed, a symbol of the resurrection. Three years ago some community and church leaders with an "alternative" vision began an experimental congregation in the building of the former Third Avenue UMC. The new congregation is a chartered UMC congregation and an affiliated Episcopal congregation. Third Avenue Community's 50 members have been attracted to the congregation because of its commitment to social justice issues. The congregation has a strong community outreach program. A monthly "community days" dinner draws 100 to 150 persons from the neighborhood. The congregation is active in AIDS ministry and sponsors a community recycling program. In addition, the congregation houses several community-based nonprofit groups. ******* While the RCP is primarily a local church-based program, its commitment to inclusiveness continues to be embraced by other UMC groups. The Baltimore Conference Committee on HIV/AIDS Ministries declared itself a "Reconciling Committee" this past winter and states its commitment to reconciling ministries in its resource materials. RCP Board MeetsEvangelism Top Priority The Board of Directors of the Reconciling Congregation Program held its semiannual meeting in February in Atlanta, Georgia. The 17-member board, comprised of members of Reconciling Congregations, Reconciling Conferences, and Mfirmation, affirmed that the 92 in '92 campaign (to enlist 92 RCs by the end of 1992) continues to be its top priority. The board authorized the development of new resources to assist congregations studying the RCP and implemented strategies to nurture these prospective RCs. In other business, the board: • adopted a plan for an RCP witness at the 1992 General Conference of the UMC; • provided information and support for churches regarding lesbian/gay covenant services; • adopted a budget for the coming year; • fmalized terms of a ""separation agreement" with Mfirmation; • postponed until August a proposal to add ""bisexual persons" to the RCP purpose statement to allow further study by board members and RCs; • authorized hiring a part-time program assistant in September 1991. Additional information on the RCP board meeting and ongoing RCP program development is available in the bimonthly RCP newsletter. Ifyou do not currently receive this newsletter and would like to be more informed about the RC movement contact the RCP office (202/863-'1586) and ask to be put on the RCP newsletter mailing list. Novel RC Promotion in Oregon Metanoia Peace Community, a Reconciling Congregation in Portland, Oregon, has launched a campaign to have 1,000 United Methodists in Oregon and Idaho declare their willingness to be part of a new RC. Metanoia is distributing buttons saying "I would be proud to be a member of a Reconciling Congregation" to a key supporter in 100 congregations in the conference. This person, in turn, will enlist at least 10 other persons in that congregation to wear the button in worship on one or more Sundays in April and May. Study Committee Considers Changing UMC Policy-Draws Reaction The UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality considered proposals and recommendations to be included in its final report during its February meeting. The proposal, which drew widespread interest, was to change the statement in the UMC Social Principles that currently reads: ""we do not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching." The proposed new statement reads, in its entirety: ""We acknowledge with humility that the Church has been unable to arrive at a common mind on the compatibility of homosexual practice with Christian faith. Many consider the practice incompatible with Christian teaching. Many believe it acceptable when practiced in a context of human caring and covenantal faithfulness. The present state of knowledge in the relevant disciplines does not provide a satisfactory basis upon which the Church can responsibly maintain a specific prohibition of homosexual 22 Open Hands practice. The Church seeks further understanding through continued prayer, study and pastoral experience. In doing so, the Church continues to affirm that God's grace is bestowed upon all and that the members of Christ's body are called to be in ministry for and with one another, and to the world." This statement was supported by 17 members of the committee in a nonbinding, preference vote. Four members opposed the statement in favor of retaining the present "incompatible" language. Since this statement was designed to be a compromise, reports of it expectedly drew dissent from both sides of the debate. The progressive Methodist Federation for Social Action said that the statement did not go far enough to welcome lesbians and gay men as full-fledged United Methodists. The conservative "Good News" caucus attacked the committee for considering changing the church's current policy. Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns issued a statement saying, in part: "nothing less than an unqualified affirmation and invitation to full participation in all aspects of church life is acceptable. Committee members may compromise their opinions in the hope of gaining approval for a recommendation. Lesbians, gay men, and bisexual persons have learned... that compromising our identity is too high a price to pay." The committee will fmalize its report at its August 22-25 meeting and present its report to the General Council on Ministries in September. The General Council will then decide what and how to report to the 1992 General Conference. Ifyou are interested in providing thoughts or feedback to the committee before it completes its work, you can send correspondence to: UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality, clo C. David Lundquist, GCOM, 601 W. Riverview Avenue, Dayton, OH 45406. Spring 1991 Cokesbury Story Follow-up Our story in the Fall 1990 issue, "Does Cokesbury Exclude Gayl Lesbian Books?" elicited a response from the Cokesbury store at GarrettEvangelical Seminary in Evanston, Illinois. A spokesperson from that store said that books on lesbian/gay spirituality are available and can be ordered from them. ClOUT-"Christian lesbians Out Together" A new movement to "empower lesbian Christian women and to challenge the churches to which they belong" was launched in February with a statement signed by 113 clergy and laywomen from the United States, Canada, and Europe. ""Christian Lesbians Out Together" (CLOUT) is an intercultural, multi- NOW AT racial group from 14 Christian denominations. ""While we realize the risks in coming out, we are aware of the risks involved in not coming out," says one of CLOUT's organizers, Irene Monroe, an Mrican-American doctoral student who has worked as a Presbyterian pastor. According to Monroe, ""CLOUT is based in the conviction that lesbian Christian women continue to be victims of spiritual abuse in churches which insist that lesbians and gay men remain either celibate or silent about their sexual activity." An initial international gathering of CLOUT is being planned for November 1991. For more information and/or to get on the group's mailing list, write: CLOUT, P.O. Box 758, Jamaica Plains, MA 02130. 50% OFF What local church leaders say about this video: " ... a deeply 11Wvingfilm helped me understand Gods love better." " ... definitely God s message ofreconciliation. " "...an excellent tool for engaging in genuine discussion. " Casting Out Fear Reconciling Ministries with Gay/Lesbian United Methodists Poignant stories from Reconciling Congregations that portray the pain and estrangement that lesbians and gay men feel in the church and the hope of reconciliation in the congregations. 38 mins. VHS. 1988. Free study guide with each order. Speakers include: Bishop Melvin Wheatley, Dr. Tex Sample, Dr. Emilie Townes. Purchase-$50 30-day rental-$20 Send your prepaid order to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, D.C. 20026 23 ----------------------- ------------------------- Disciples Adopt "Open and • Upcoming National Gatherings Affirming" The interdenominational movement of congregations publicly welcoming lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons continues to expand with the beginning of an Open and Mfirming congregation program in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). Open and Mfirming began in 1985 as a program of the Vnited Church of Christ (VCC). Since the VCC and Disciples denominations are moving toward a merger or federation, the GLAD Alliance (the Disciples lesbian! gay group) also adopted the Open and Mfirming name and principles. Currently, seven congregations in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) are Open and Mfirming. The coordinators of the Disciples' Open and Mfirming program are Allen Harris (1010 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10028) and Lorie Rudel (4231 S. Lucille, Seattle, WA 98118). : June 4-12., Presbyteriansfor Lesbian/Gay Concerns will be present for the : Presbyterian General Assembly in Baltimore, Maryland. For information, write: : P.O. Box 38, New Brunwsick, NJ 08903. : June 9-16., Annual gathering of Seventh-Day Adventist Kinship International : at Menucha Camp, outside Portland, Oregon. For information, write: P .O. Box : 3840, Los Angeles, CA 90078. : June 23-26., National Gathering of the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/ : Gay Concerns preceding the V CC General Synod in Norfolk, Virginia. For : information, write: VCCUGC , 18 N. College, Athens, OH 45701, or call: 614/593• 730l. : July 4-7., Joint conference of Evangelicals Concerned Midwest and Western : regions in Denver, Colorado. For information, call 303/830-2823. : August 29-September I., National convention of Dignity/USA in Washing: ton, D.C. For information, write: Dignity/uSA, P.O. Box 29661, Washington, DC • 20017. · September 20-22., National meeting of Affirmation: United Methodists for • Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns in Atlanta. For information, write: • Mfirmation, P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204. · Oetober 11-14., Annual convention of the National Federation ofParents and • Friends ofLesbians and Gays (PFLAG) in Charlotte, North Carolina. For • information, write: Charlotte PFLAG, 5815 Charing Place, Charlotte, NC 2821l. · Oetober 25-27., Annual conference of Emergence International (Christian • Scientists) near Palm Springs, California. For information, write: P.O. Box 581, • Kentfield, CA 94914 or call: 415/485-188l. · Oetober 25-30., National gathering of GLAD Alliance (Disciples of Christ) in • conjunction with the General Assembly of the Christian Church (Disciples) in Tulsa, • Oklahoma. For information, write: P.O. Box 19223, Indianapolis, IN 46219-0223. Reconciling Congregations ARIZONA Tucson St. Francis in the Foothils CALIFORNIA Albany AlbanyUMC Berkeley Trinity UMC Fresno WesleyUMC Los Angeles United University Wilshire UMC Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC San Francisco Bethany UMC Calvary UMC Hamilton UMC Trinity UMC Santa Monica Church in Ocean Park Vacaville St. Paul's UMC West Hollywood Crescent Heights UMC COLORADO Denver St. Paul's UMC DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington Christ UMC Dumbarton UMC GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albany Park UMC Irving Park UMC Parish of the Holy Covenant United Church of Rogers Park DeKalb University UMC Evanston Hemenway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC WinflRld Winfield UMC KANSAS Mission ecumenikos LOUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC MARYLAND Baltimore St. John's UMC MINNESOTA Minneapolis Prospect Park UMC Walker Community UMC WesleyUMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC NEW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC New York Metropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC OHIO Columbus Third Avenue Community Church Toledo Central UMC OREGON Estacada Estacada UMC Portland Metanoia Peace Community PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia CalvaryUMC First UMC of Germantown TENNESSEE Nashville Edgehill UMC WASHINGTON Seattle Capitol Hill UMC Wallingford UMC WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC RECONCILING CONFERENCES California-Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy RECONCILING COMMISSION General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns RECONCILING ORGANIZATION Methodist Federation for Social Action 24 Open Hands Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 6 No 4 - Living as God's Creation: Lesbian/Gay Reflections on Christian Theology https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/f5a6a219c3d931306a9f1f5abb27ea07.pdf e497425ccba3f504dd534f1749cbce9a Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 6 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1991 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine . ? If·zs to yours. . . . It zs, gzve me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 6 No.3 Winter 1991 ne w Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc., as a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Each issue of Open Hands focuses on a particular area of concern related to gay men and lesbians within the Church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. In this network, Reconciling Congregations fmd strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations, along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Mfirming (United Church of ChristlDisciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist) congregations, offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the Reconciling Congregation Program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Information about the program and these resources can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 6 No.3 ----------------~---The Starting Point I Affirnung dolescence ................................ 4 John Hannay Rainbow's End: Creating a af la Janie Spahr Cultural Expectations and Experience: Thr Mrican American...................................................................... . Stefan Wade Native American.......................................................................... 8 Stephen E. Watt Asian American............................................ '.' ............................. 9 Bertie Mo Listening to youth........................................................................... 11 Since When Is Discrimination OK? ........................................... 12 Carrie Thompson A Conversation at School.. ......................................................... 12 Abigail Peterson Sunflowers in a Rose Garden..................................................... 13 LAB, Jr. Families with Lesbian/Gay Parents................................................ 14 James Fagelson Beyond Dichotomies....................................................................... 15 Ann Thompson Cook Surrounded by Silence: Youth in Exile ........................................ 18 Jack Harrison Walking Alongside youth............................................................... 21 Melany Burrill Resources......................................................................................... 17 RCP Report..................................................................................... 23 Letters.. ............................................................................................ 24 Cover Photo © 1988 Doug Hinckle, The Washington Blade. 2 Open Hands Youth and Sexual Identity: New Vistas Within the past few years, the gayllesbian community as well as those who are concerned about youth have begun to turn attention to young people who are either identifying or behaving in ways that suggest the labels of gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Recognizing these youthtechnically, sexual minority youth---()pens a whole new set of vistas and poses a number of challenges. Sexual minority youth challenge those of us in the gayllesbian community, because we tend to think of ourselves solely in adult terms. They challenge the church and society at large because we prefer not to think of youth as sexual beings. They even challenge those who accept adolescent sexuality but assume that young people are, by nature, heterosexual. Being a young person in today's world is tough. Being a sexual minority youth is frequently tougher. Because of societal denial, they have few support systems. Remarkably, a large number of them grow up to be happy and healthy in spite of it all. Yet many don't make it-or make it with deep scars that take years to heal. Gay and bisexual males under age 24 are the most at-risk group of youth for HIV infection today-two to three times as high as any other subset of adolescents. Sexual minority youth are two to three times as likely to commit suicide as their heterosexual peers. A 1989 report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services hypothesized that as many as 30 percent of completed teen suicides may be related to confusion or isolation arising from sexual orientation. Anecdotal reports from youth-serving agencies around the United States (particularly those serving youth on the streets) suggest that sexual minority youth experience much higher incidents of drug and alcohol addiction or abuse, homelessness, family neglect and abuse, and harassment and violence. In this issue of Open Hands, we share positive stories about how people of faith are helping gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth grow up. We also examine sexual identity issues that arise in families with lesbian and gay adults and youth. By including voices of young people and adults who have confronted and worked through these issues, the articles presented here strive both to examine some distinctly cultural issues and to analyze the way churches have contributed to the problems and the solutions. We often hear the trite (and offensive) assertion that youth are our future. The reality is that young people-including sexual minority youth-are part of our present. Together with their heterosexual peers, they want to be positive partners with adults in shaping a world of justice, peace, prosperity, and reconciliation... Next Issues Theme: Toward a Lesbian/Gay Theology Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors Bradley Rymph Ann Thompson Cook This Issue's Coordinators Ann Thompson Cook John Hannay Editorial Assistants Van Dixon Donna Jones Graphic Design Supon Design Group Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters to the editors, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1991 by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. Member, The Associated Qmrch Press ISSN 0888-8833 inter 1991 3 The Starting Point Is Affirming Adolescence by John Hannay A topic that generates much enthusiasm but little activity within churches is ministry with youth. Too often churches with thriving ministries have strong religious education programs for young children~ adult ministries of wide variety~ but scanty or weak offerings for those in-between-teenagers. When asked to rate the importance of youth ministries~ most congregants rate it as highly important~ although not an activity in which they are willing to become involved. This ambivalence regarding youth ministry reflects a general ambivalence toward teenagers within our larger culture. Their period of life is very much a mystery to most of us~ and we~re not really sure we like them. Teens exhibit a wide variety of emotions and behaviors~ sometimes without apparent rhyme or reason. Such misunderstanding and confusion surrounding adolescence also contribute powerfully to fears and anxieties about adolescent sexuality. Shifting Understandings ofAdolescence Like it or not~ those of us concerned about adolescents are having to come to terms with the reality that adolescents exist~ in part~ as sexual beings. In some urban areas~ for example~ one out of four teens have had sexual intercourse by age 15. (In rural~ suburban~ and urban areas~ 60 to 90 percent of high school students have had sexual intercourse at least monthly by the time they graduate.) Teenagers account for a high number of unplanned pregnancies~ and one out of five adults with AIDS probably became infected via sexual activity while an adolescent.1 Nevertheless~ the idea of adolescent sexuality is relatively new in Western thought and culture. Only recently have concepts of human growth and development begun to define adolescence as a stage of life. Until the latter part of the 19th century~ neither social~ economic~ nor public health systems allowed for adolescent sexuality. Children were children until the onset of puberty~ usually age 14 or 15~ when they began to take on the physical aspects of adulthood-the ability to reproduce and nurture children~ appearance of facial and body hair~ enlargement of skeleton and musculature necessary to carry out survival tasks~ and so on. Once the process of puberty was complete~ usually within a year or two~ they became adults-marrying~ raising children~ and/or entering the work force. With the social and economic changes brought on by the industrial revolution and extended schooling~ a period of life began to evolve in which one was no longer a child~ yet not given the full opportunities and responsibilities of adulthood. Added to this have been recent advances in nutrition~ reduction in child mortality~ and lower ages for the onset of puberty (currently beginning as young as age 10 in girls and 11 in boys). Whereas the period associated with adolescence was once brief and coincided with physical development~ it is now lengthy (as long as 12 years) and out of synch with physical maturation. Thus~ we now have a group of people who are physically out of childhood~ capable of reproducing~ and experiencing a full range of sexual feelings. Yet they are not considered to possess the intellectual and psychological skills to manage adulthood and adult sexuality-nor are they given appropriate guidance in developing these skills. Denial: The Prevailing Ethic We all have had the tendency to deny that adolescents are sexual beings. We insist~ instead~ that they deny their sexual needs and feelings until they are adults and heterosexually married-at which point~ it is assumed~ they will suddenly possess all the skills successfully to manage the sexual aspect of a committed relationship. Besides the heterosexism of such an ethic~ it hardly facilitates young people~ s overall health and development. Many human development experts now believe that~ in the long run~ affirmation and careful teaching of adolescent sexuality would be more beneficial and productive than the present ethic. As things stand now~ society's denial of adolescent sexuality leads to a lot of casual, furtive~ unplanned~ and careless sexual activity among teenagers. In recent group discussions conducted by adolescent health researchers~ many young people have expressed awareness of sexual health fI£ K£EP~ SA7'/~ WI-IOEVE..R THEY ARE, THAT fJR£h:.HE/? SuRE. THAT GoD Dof3-S 1i1 j)o£5IJ'T LIKE LIKE 771E.fv/ £/TH£ I? HOM05E.X()/1L S ... 4 Open Hands threats and a desire to avoid them. They want accurate, forthright, and honest information on human sexuality and sexual health. Yet they consistently voice fears that they will be punished and/or ridiculed by adults when they request help regarding sex. They do not feel that they have a right to ask for information and devices (such as condoms) that will help them stay healthy while expressing their sexuality in positive ways. These feelings of isolation and repression are compounded for sexual minority youth, who also risk drastic changes in their peer relationships, discrimination in their communities and school, and breakdown within their family structures, ifand when their sexual orientation becomes known. The need to rethink approaches to adolescent sexuality poses a big dilemma for Christian churches. Not only do most of our rituals and ethical systems reflect a child/adult dichotomy. Even more powerful is the denial and lack of affirmation for any sexuality that exists outside of heterosexual marriage. Besides closing off opportunities within the Church to examine and shape a healthy adolescent sexuality, such an approach prevents society from dealing with the public health aspects and consequences of adolescent sexual activity. This must stop. We will never successfully handle the problems of teenage pregnancy, escalating sexually transmitted disease rates, and adolescent HIV/AIDS infection, among other public health challenges, until we have in place a new ethic of adolescent sexuality. (Moreover, I suspect, the institutional church will not be able to stem its severe membership loss among young people until it has adopted an approach that affirms adolescent sexuality.) Affirmative Sexuality: A More Helpful Ethic What would a new approach of affirmation and careful teaching look like? First, the new approach must involve families. Parents and/or other significant relatives/adults are among children's most powerful teachers, both for sexual information and behaviors. To do their job well, families must be given information, tools, and skills in which positive communication and guidance about sexuality can occur. Second, the affirming approach must start early. This is not to say that we should offer children in pre-school settings explicit sexual information. But education about sexuality and about their bodies can progress in age-appropriate ways, and the sooner that starts, the better. Fortunately, many schools, churches, and community groups have experience in sex education with younger children. We need to ~~~~ /!:JUT MY .5uNlJAY SCHOO L TE.ACHE.i<. SAYS -nlAT GO{) LOVE ~TIlE LI7TL.£. CHILDREN! . ~\- L build on and enhance the quality of what has already been accomplished here. Third, an affirming approach educates youth in the context of overall personal development, recognizing that sexual needs and feelings occur interactively with other needs and feelings. Such an approach seeks to build a positive sexual self-image as it builds overall self-image. It teaches sexuality in the context of human relationships, rather than particular kinds of genital activities. An affirming approach does not ask young people to deny or hate a part of themselves, nor indoctrinate youth to "just say no." Rather, it encourages youth to reflect consistently on ··what do I know?" Fourth, an affirming approach teaches and challenges youth to be personally and socially responsible. It educates young people fully and honestly about the wide diversity of human sexuality and the consequences of particular behaviors. Rather than withholding information-fearing that ··if we tell them, they will do ie'-an affirming approach gives young people tools and skills to act responsibly. It advocates setting appropriate limits to avoid certain unwanted consequences-and discusses those limits with youth. Finally, an affirming approach to adolescent sexuality celebrates, as other cultures do, the specialness of adolescence as a time of life. Although adolescence is fraught with tensions and awkward moments, it is also a time when one becomes more aware of oneself as a unique creation-of one's ability to form meaningful relationships outside the family and to make meaningful contributions to society. Discovering this and working it out to fit one's values and needs involves a lot of trial and error. An affirming approach to adolescent sexuality expects and supports this experimentation and uses it as a basis for growth. Only in the context of an affirming approach to adolescent sexuality in general can churches begin to work more specifically with gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth. This is because a minority sexual identity is such an important part of these youths' overall identity, and because they face a great deal of negativity in society at large. Sexual minority youth cannot (and, by and large, will refuse to) be helped by institutions that reflect sex-negative or sex-ambivalent attitudes. These youth need to feel safe and unconditionally accepted before they will engage in ministry with any community of faith. The challenge for churches, then, is to move beyond views of sexuality that intentionally or unintentionally foster homophobia and heterosexism. My own understanding of God leads me to believe that, while they may not always like it, churches will eventually examine their approaches and respond to these young people. The day will come when sexual minority youth, as well as their heterosexual peers, will be helped to grow, to develop, and to integrate their sexuality and their spirituality into a positive, overall selfimage..... Note 1. u.s. Centers for Disease Control, Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, January 4, 1991. John Hannay is coordinatorfor Outreach to Sexual Minority Youth for the Maryland Department ofHealth and Mental Hygiene. He holds a master oftheological studies from Wesley Theological Seminary. inter 1991 5 by Janie Spahr Rainbow~s End--a program of, by~ andfor young peopleemergedfrom a group ofpeople coming together with a common need and a common goal. Here is our story: I n the spring of 1984, a young person named Marla called the Volunteer Center in Marin County, . California, asking ifshe could volunteer at a lesbian! gay-identified agency. She said she was exploring her own sexuality and wanted to meet gay and lesbian people. Marla arrived soon thereafter at the Ministry of Light, a lesbian! gay outreach ministry of the Presbyterian Church (USA) in northern California. That same spring, as part of our annual presbytery report, Phyllis, an elder at a local church, spoke these powerful words: IfI told you my daughter was in prison~ you would offer to visit her with me. IfI told you my daughter was on drugs or alcohol~ you would be with me in her recovery. Why is it that when I tell you my daughter is a lesbian~ you give me stone silence? During the break, a woman with tears in her eyes came over to talk with me. "Janie," she said, "I have been an elder in my church for almost 30 years, and I have never attended a Presbytery meeting until today. Now I know why I'm here. I have a wonderful daughter, raised up in our church, who hasn't been back to church since she was a teenager. She is lesbian and works with youth in San Francisco. We are so proud of her and I have never told anyone in my church." We cried together. A few weeks later, I met with that daughter, Chris Van Stone, who was doing her social work internship at Larkin Street Center with street youth in downtown San Francisco. Chris could hardly believe that the Presbyterian Church was involved in a ministry with gay and lesbian people. Chris and I talked about her desire to begin a youth group with lesbian and gay youth. She told me that after a local radio station had inadvertently advertised Larkin Street Center as working specifically with gay and lesbian youth, they had been inundated with calls from youth throughout the city who felt isolated, who needed support and someone to talk to. Some who had called were close to suicide. Next, Chris and I met with a small group oflesbian and gay people in our community, including Marla, who felt strongly that, with Chris's help, the Ministry of Light should begin a gayllesbian youth project in Marin County. We began by conducting a needs assessment, a poll of teachers, counselors, pastors, priests, rabbis, and community agencies. As we suspected, the need was there. To spread word of our new program, one of our organizers wrote an article for a local newspaper about growing up gay in our county, Rainbow~s End: Creating a Safe Place ee and Marla began talking to friends in her school who were lesbian or gay. In late summer, some 20 youth gathered with the organizers. The youth began holding weekly meetings at a local church. Marla held orientation sessions for newcomers, stressing the importance of confidentiality to the success of the group. We adults began a newsletter for the group, while two youth, Bonnie and Jeff, met with a facilitator to write a statement of our mission and purpose, which the group used to begin the process of saying who we were and why we were here. Over the next three years, the youth, aged 14 to 21, grew to support and care for each other and began taking on leadership positions. Marla wrote the newsletter, and several of the youth facilitated the "youth topic" for particular meetings. We invited gay/lesbian leaders in our community to come and share their expertise-from writing to parenting. Marla's and Bonnie's mothers became very supportive of our group and served as a resource for parents who needed another parent to talk to. When two of our youth moved to Seattle, one wrote the words to a song called "Rainbow's End" and put it on our wall as she was leaving. The group then named themselves Rainbow's End. By the fall of 1988, several high schools in the Bay Area had heard about Rainbow's End. When teachers called asking us to speak, Guy, Marla, and Bonnie began our speakers bureau, and others have joined since. There is nothing like youth hearing and meeting lesbian!gaylbisexual youth. (You will notice that I have added "bisexual," since some bisexual youth have join~d our group, educating us and helping us to become more inclusive.) One ofthe joys I experience at Rainbow~s End is being a public speaker. Going to high schools and speaking about being a gay young man is exhilarating and informative. I get to learn where my peers are in dealing with their own prejudices~ and they get 6 Open Hands e e e to learn what it is like to be on the other end ofthose prejudices. Also, I get the opportunity to say to other gay youth that they are not alone and that there is somewhere they can go. In February 1989, Rainbow's End received the Pioneer Award from an organization called Speaking Out for their courage in speaking to high school students. Marla was asked to receive the award on behalf of the group. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. Since several of our youth demonstrated such good leadership ability, we adults began to discuss inviting them to take on the role of facilitator. This was timely, as one of our facilitators was soon to leave. Not sure what to expect, we moved forward with the plan, and on July 1, 1990, Chris became our youth supervisor, while Danielle and Steve, both 20 years old, became youth facilitators. The arrangement worked great! Here is Steve describing his experience: At the age of18, I knew I was gay. I'd been out of the closet for four years and had accepted my homosexuality, but something was missing. I came to Rainbow's End and learned that I could be proud of who I was. Now, two years later, Rainbow's end has become an important part ofmy life.... It is a great joy to see my peers come infrightened, lonely, and confused, and leave knowing that they do infact have an opportunity to lead normal, healthy lives as lesbian and gay people. And Danielle: After attending Rainbow's Endfor well over a year, I realize just how much I have grown and accomplished since the first group that I attended. I went from insecurity and shame, but coming to group and talking to other youth has brought me to a level ofConfident and Proud Lesbian. But what is also important to me is being shown that I am loved and repected by my peers-maybe not because ofmy sexuality, but because ofmy personality and views.... If you want to really know what Rainbow's End means to me, think ofyourfavoritefriends and/orfamily members and how special and giving they are--and the love youfeel toward them and the love you get from them--and then you'll know how I feel about Rainbow's End. The love, support, and care we have seen in the last six years has been astounding. When youth go on to school or work, or move away, we get post cards, notes, calls, and even visits-just to let us know how they are. Dear Chris ... I would like to thank youfor being a positive lesbian presence in my life at a time when I really needed one. Just getting to know you helped me out. Chris Van Stone has worked with the youth consis tently for six years. Chris left her own church at the age of 15 because she felt different. Now she has made it possible for youth at that very same age to find support and love-a place that is safe. These are Chris's words: My memories ofattending our church youth group are still very vivid. I can remember my mother insisting that I go no matter how much I complained. She had no idea how "different" Ifelt. As a young person, I needed to hear that myfeelings were okay, that my church would accept me, God would accept me, and that being a lesbian was something I couldfeel good about. Instead I heard nothing. Because I heard nothing, I felt alone. Remembering this time in my life helps me remain committed to insuring that young people have the opportunity to share, socialize, and receive supportfrom lesbian, gay, and bisexual people andfrom heterosexuals who are not afraid to talk aboutfeeling "different. " Rainbow's End has been part ofa healing process not onlyfor many young people, butfor myselfas well. Maybe someday young people won't need separate groups to express themselves openly and honestly, without sacrificing acceptance. By the way, at Rainbow's End we say that we don't care what your sexual orientation is. We want you to feel safe here and to like who you are. Weare here to help you be yourself.T Since 1982, Rev. Jane Adams Spahr has been executive director ofthe Ministry ofLight, a nonjudgmental outreach ministry withgayllesbian people, their families andfriends in northern California. inter 1991 7 Cultural Expectations an Mrican American by Stefan Wade African Americans enter adolescence well acquainted with feelings of being different. Since early childhood, they have faced the racism ofAmerican society, sometimes blatant, but more often subtle and institutionalized. Simply to survive in the predominant culture, these young people have learned to manage their feelings, often relying on the support of parents, siblings, extended family members, and the church. By the time young people begin to develop their sexual identity and recognize that their orientation is quite different from most of those who surround them, they have already developed skills to help them cope with being different. To their benefit, these youth usually enter this period with great coping ability, having already dealt with a lifetime of adversity. The Family The family plays a critical role in the development of the Mrican-American individual-not only the nuclear family but also the extended family, including aunts, uncles, grandparents, and even neighbors and family friends. Often such people are called upon for financial aid, child care, advice, and emotional support. Sometimes extended family members reside in the same home or neighborhood, and their opinions may be critical. Sometimes an Mrican-American lesbian or gay young person lives with a relative, and while the parents may have little to do with his or her care and may not object to the individual's sexual orientation, the primary caretaker may take issue with the young person's feelings, identity, or behavior. The Church For many Mrican-American young people, the church exerts a strong psychological, sociopolitical, and sociological influence. Historically, religion has played a role in sustaining Mrican-Americans in adverse social circumstances and has been a rallying point for societal change. Once Mrican-American youth identify and acknowledge their sexual orientation, they frequently experience either a loss of two major supports, family and church, or find themselves surrounded by conflict that can have extreme consequences for their development. Sexual minority youth often feel a strong sense of loneliness and isolation. Unable to feel part of the social mainstream due to their ethnic and cultural background, and now threatened with alienation from the important social supports that have sustained them through their developmental years, these young people struggle to cope with the upheaval in their lives and to create new structures to support their continued development. The LesbianJGay Corrununity One support strategy involves integration into the lesbian/gay community. Once again, however, racism becomes a critical area of conflict for Mrican-American lesbian and gay youth. They are initially attracted by the possibility of membership in a group and the support the group provides, but they eventually learn that, even as group members, they will continue to be victims of racism and discrimination. In Sister Outsider, Audre Lorde describes the challenge of having several oppressed identities, of "constantly being encouraged to pluck out some one aspect of [your]self and present this as the meaningful whole, eclipsing or denying the other parts of self." For Mrican-American lesbians, she explains, it is often difficult or impossible to find a community that offers full acceptance. Lesbianism is largely considered incompatible with the role expectations of women in the Mrican-American community. At the same time, lesbian-supportive communities and social groups often marginalize their Mrican-American members and do not provide the level of affirmation that other members receive. Clearly, sexual minority youth face great challenges in integrating two central identities that can be highly charged in our society: being an Mrican-American and being gay or lesbian. Native American by Stephen E. Watt Prior to European contact, many Native American tribes placed no special emphasis on sexual identity. A child was allowed to freely embody sexual desires and feelings for either sex, while homosexual persons were considered an integral and necessary part of the community. The Ojibwa name for a homosexual person was "special," and in many tribes a homosexual person had special roles in religious or healing ceremonies. It was believed that a person with same-sex desires contained spiritual elements of both male and female. Today, by contrast, the Native American population in the United States (over 1.5 million) adheres to the European models of male and female roles. In many native cultures, 8 Open Hands Experience: Three Views this change resulted from early European contact and the efforts of missionaries to educate the ""savages" in European thought and traditions. The early missionaries also abolished ceremonies that involved homosexual acts, as among the Hopi, and taught the native people that homosexual acts are an abomination in the eyes of God. In the current attitude of the native population toward homosexuality, machismo has brutally replaced compassion. Many sexual minority youth in native populations today face the dual problems of rural reservation life and a lack of compassion toward their sexual identity. As in today's majority culture, these native youth quietly suffer humiliation and sometimes violence from their peers. Frequently, there is no one for them to turn to for help or guidance. Positive local resources for gay and lesbian native youth are extremely rare, and no nationally organized Native American groups specifically help native sexual minority youth. Although there are no statistics regarding homosexuality in Native American cultures today, it is widely believed that bisexuality is more common than exclusive homosexuality. Only recently, with the appearance of AIDS within the native population, have Native Americans begun to address the issue once again. The AIDS pandemic has alerted reservation communities to the need for open adult discussions about sex, the need for sex education, and the need for compassion toward sexual minority youth in the population. Native Americans must remember the love and kindness toward homosexual people that were once a part of their culture as they work to recognize and address the needs of today's lesbian and gay youth. Asian American by Bertie Mo In Asianl homelands, particularly among peasants and the working class, sexuality and procreation are an integral part of life. In the United States, however, the Christian church-including the church in Asian-American communities-has displayed extreme insensitivity to issues of sexuality. In general, the church discourages individuals from discussing any issues of potential conflict, including lifestyle differences and experiences of pain and oppression. Likewise, it has not dealt effectively with the loneliness, pain, and confusion of youth who are concerned and/or confused about their sexual identity. Asian-American youth in the church carry a double b u ..den in their perception of what God (as reflected by the church) expects from them and what their parents and culture expect. In traditional Asian society, individualism in most instances is not tolerated (except perhaps among the rich) and is thought to endanger the entire community. Interdependence within the community is considered to be integral to the survival of society. Children's main purposes in life are to marry, to have children to carryon the family name, and to support and care for parents in their old age. Any diversion from this standard not only jeopardizes the adult child's standing in the community but also casts aspersions on the character of the family and suggests its inability to raise a child properly. From the church hierarchy, Asian-American youth receive the message that they need to lead ""good," ""clean" lives. Translated, this means sexless. Woe to the child or adolescent who is involved in homosexual behavior, which is stigmatized by both society and the church. As the church moves out into the world as an advocate for those have not been accepted-including people of color, refugees, the homeless, those who have been abused, people with HIV disease-it must also help youths who are struggling with their sexual identities to feel that they are accepted just as they are. Only when the church provides warm, caring people who can listen to what young people are going through will it truly minister to all people.~ Note 1. Asian/Pacific Islanders in the United States are a diverse cultural group comprised of at least 32 different language and ethnic/racial groups, within each of which are found differences based on nativity and generation in the United States. This commentary focuses on the groups that have been heavily influenced by Confucian philosophy: Chinese, Korean, and Japanese. Stefan Wade is past president ofthe Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League in Washington, D.C. He has several years' experience working in mental health settings with children, youth, andfamilies. He is currently working toward a Ph.D. in social work at the University ofMaryland. Stephen Watt, a Seneca with experience in Native American advocacy and AIDS in the native population, currently works for a national organization concerned with education. Bertie Mo, a native San Franciscan, grew up in a Presbyterian Church in Chinatown. She now holds advanced degrees in medical anthropology and public health education and cofounded the Bay Area's Pacifu; AIDS Coalition. Winter 1991 9 Upper portion ofposter used with permission ofthe Wingspan Ministry ofSt. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church, 100 N. Oxford St., St. Paul, MN 55104. Open Hands 10 LISTENING TO YOUTH As part of a recent "Coming Out Workshop" for a multicultural gathering of youth (ages 15 to 21) at the Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League in Washington, D.C., I asked the youth to pair off and interview each other, . using the following questions: 1. Please name one person you're considering coming out to. 2. Do you depend on this person for anything (shelter, food, job, money, other)? 3. Name three things that might happen if you do come out to this person. 4. Name three things that are likely to happen if you don't come out to this person. 5. What signals has this person given you about how shelhe might react? More than half of the group named mother or father. Following is a sampling of their responses (responses grouped together were made by the same person). THINGS THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF I DO COME OUT TO MY MOTHER/FATHER She'll try to talk me out of being gay. She'll think of it as a choice. She'll think of it! She won't give ash.. ! I'll be evicted. I'll lose contact with my family. I'll send them to an early grave. Shocked. Disappointed. May want me to move out. She'll be concerned for my well-being. She'll be confused. She'll be understanding and loving. Ok. AIready knew. Might want to meet Mario. Still love me but not accept me being gay. Try to convert me to being "straight." They gonna be sad and cry. They don't gonna talk to me. End of the world. -Ann Thompson Cook THINGS THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF I DON'T COME OUT TO MY MOTHER/FATHER The subject will come up anyway. I'll feel like isolation is taking place. It will create a barrier that would block future conversation. Nada. He'll find out anyway. Personal duress. More lying. Depression. More distrust. Friction. Confusion. Guilt of lying. Hide entire life. No understanding. Will have expectations that I can't fulfill. I'll feel guilty for lying. There will be an outward or superficial peace (no confrontation). They really won't know who I am. 'inter 1991 II ---~ -~- - ~~-- --~------- ~~~--~~~~~~~----------------------~------ SINCE WHEN Is DISCRIMINATION OK? by Carrie Thompson A CONVERSATION AT SCHOOL by AbigailPeterson-Finch Discrimination is Gretchen: "So what kind of church do yo~ go to, Abigail?" aUowed. It is acceptable. TAbigail: "I go to Dumbarton United Methodist and we're o anyone reading this, a reconciling congregathose statements are tion." ridiculous. Yet almost G: "Huh?" everyday at school, 1 hear A: "It means we accept gaysderogatory remarks aimed at a and lesbians in our faithcertain minority. Not words community. 1 like it, it's like nigger, chink, and spicopen to everybody, really they are never heard, and inclusive. " indeed should never be heard, Marcia: ""Yeah, 1 think that'sanywhere. But almost a good idea." everyday, 1 hear the word A: ""And I've been to a holy faggot. union. It's like a weddingDiscrimination against for gays and lesbians. Thishomosexuals is rampant at this and other schools. The oppression can be blatant: once 1 heard a student proudly announce how disgusting gays are. Or it can be subtle: the upper school library has only seven books on homosexuality in the card catalog, compared to hundreds on other minority groups. We all want to feel supported and accepted, yet there is little or no information or support for the homosexual students. Almost everyday, if you notice, you hear of some form of discrimination. Just recently a friend of my family suffered it, 1 am ashamed to say, within the Quaker community. Quakerism is built on the belief that there is that of God in everyone. Quakers, and those of us at this Friends school, should be among the pioneers in ending any discrimination. Yet, for some reason unknown to me, we allow it to continue. The reasons given to justify the discrimination are based on myth. People think that homosexuals are all child molesters or psychopathic weirdos. Studies and reports on the subject say the opposite. They are just people. Their sexual orientation is as natural to them as heterosexuality is to others. It's just like our having no control over our skin color. We must learn to judge not by sexual orientation, but by the person inside. When you say "faggot," or do something degrading or hurtful to homosexuals, it hurts and offends me, my family, my friends, my beliefs, my country, and yourself. It is a matter of logic, a matter of morals, a matter of heart. Discrimination cannot, must not, be tolerated.• Carrie Thompson (age 16) is a junior at Sidwell Friends Upper School, Washington, D.C. This article was adaptedfrom her letter to the editor ofthe school newspaper. one was for two women." G: ""I don't know. That sounds a little too weird for me." A: ""Oh, it wasn't that different from a heterosexual wedding. In fact, 1 liked it a lot better than some of the other weddings I've been to. They wrote their own vows and some of the other parts. It was really neat." M:""I don't know, Abigail. Not that 1hold anything against gay people, but it sure sounds weird." A: ""No more weird than the next person, if you make an effort to get to know them better." I 'm really proud of what my church has done, and it has taken a lot to get to where we are. 1 tell my friends about my church and its positions. A lot of kids don't know enough about homosexuals to not like them. 1 want my friends to understand. 1 wish they all had accepting churches and communities that educate kids about some of these fundamental questions in life.• Abigail Peterson-Finch (age 14) is a freshman at Richard Montgomery High School in Rockville, Maryland. This article reflects a conversation she had with other students in her band class. 12 Open Hands SUNFLOWERS IN A ROSE GARDEN byLAB,Jr. Do you ever stop to wonder the make-up of the soil? .. What causes the Earth to yield its majestic beauty Eons of sand., minerals., and rock; nourishing the fruit that sustain our world"s inhabitants'. But are the seeds that feed the masses planted by the knowledged tillers of the plains? Or do the winds of the gods spray these pollens of diverse foliage. Should we stop and wonder why some seeds flourish in the most unlikely conditions., Or do we just accept that they do., that their existence is just and right. If we acknowledge the beauty that blooms before our eyes., do we pluck it from existence because it is not what we expect? We should nourish the sunflower in the rose garden., for it possesses its own beauty. I t has arisen despite the odds ... and who are we not to accept its presence. The sunflower is a new beginning., the hope of things to come; an asset ... not an annoyance., to the splendor that once reined supreme. LAB, Jr., is a student at Howard University in Washington, D.C. 'inter 1991 13 • Families with Lesbian/Gay Parents ,. !ly JamesFagels~n As my daughter was talking with one of her friends the other day, she mentioned that her stepfather . was taking her shopping. ""Oh," her friend replied, ""I didn't know your mother had remarried." ""She hasn't," came the answer, ""my father has." The friend replied, ""Okay," and the conversation continued. The number of children who have gayllesbian parents has been estimated by several sources at 6 to 10 million. Although the exact number remains unknown because such parents are often closeted, the number is significant and must be acknowledged. Family Structure Lesbian/gay families are structured in a variety of ways: • Two-adult families, in which both adults act as the parent, share the parent role, and expect the child to respond to each as the parent (for example, when children were adopted by the couple or conceived through alternative fertilization). • Two-adult families, in which one adult is dominant and the other acts as a ""co-parent" (for example, when the children are from a previo~s family unit of one of the adults). • Single-parent families with adopted, foster, or birth children. • Joint parenting by a gayllesbian person and an exspouse, usually of children who are the product of a heterosexual marriage. • Extended families, consisting of one dominant parent and unrelated friends who care for each other and are responsible for each other. Such families share the same joys, sorrows, and adventures as other families. On the other hand, certain issues emerge that must be addressed to mainJain a stable and nurturing family environment: the process of ""coming out" to friends, discussion of family business (who does the child tell and how m~ch), dealing with schools and teachers, and handling negative social influences. Coming Out Coming out-that is, recognizing, acting upon, and accepting one's homosexuality-usually carries with it some apprehension. When lesbian/gay people come out, they often risk losing a friend, job, love of family, and, in the case of parents, their relationship with their children. Less well known is the extent to which children of gay and lesbian parents also go through a comIng-out process. In coming out, young people acknowledge that they are ""different" from their friends, risk exposing family members to ridicule, risk losing the friend they tell, and/or risk subjecting themselves to ridicule or ostracism from their peer group (which can be particularly devastating for teens). One of the parents in our group was troubled that her daughter was ""going overboard" in her use of cosmetics. The bathroom looked amd smelled like a cosmetics store. Finally, the mother confronted the daughter. ""Why all the perfumes and make-up? You are prettier when you use less." The daughter responded that she wanted to make sure her friends knew she wasn't a lesbian, because ""everyone knows lesbians don't wear make-up." Clearly, our families struggle with society's myths and stereotypes. What the parent and child tell the outside world about the family depends on many factors: the openness of the gay and lesbian community, the degree of homophobia in the larger community, the amount of support available to both the parent and the child, and whether the parent is closeted. Should the neighbors be told? Should the minister/ rabbi be told? Should the grandparents be told? Careful consideration should be given to these questions prior to discussing them with the teen. Frank discussions with teenagers (1) allow teens to express their ideas about how their friends would react, and (2) reveal any confusion or homophobia. The School Although much has been written about gay and lesbian individuals and parents, many schools and religious institutions continue to express ignorance and suspicion based on erroneous stereotypes. For example, parentteacher meetings often exclude co-parents, thus restricting their full participation in the child's education. When schools request, at the beginning of each year, a list of responsible adults who may interact with the child in the school setting, it is helpful to list both the parent and coparent and to encourage both to participate. A key person in the school is often the counselor who, if familiar with gay and lesbian families, can help the children of such families in dealing with their peers and dispelling discrimination within the educational system. Support Organizations Lesbian/gay parents have now established an international network of support groups that allow them openly to discuss their problems, fears, and joys-the Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International (GLPCI). Some GLPCI chapters have established TRUST groups (Teens Relating in Unique Situations Together) to help youths cope with their family situation. Discussions focus on ways teens can handle peer pressures, sexuality concerns, and school stresses. Nevertheless, despite-perhaps because of-the many challenges our youth face, they are likely to develop real strength of character. Through their family experience, they learn that aU people deserve the basic right to be who they are and that discrimination based on myths and stereotyping causes pain and suffering. They learn to accept the diversity within individuals and to judge people by their actions and not by such artificial criteria as race, religion, or sexual orientation..... James Fagelson, Jather oJtwo teenage daughters, belongs to the Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition oJMetropolitan Washington, D.C., whose "'JRmbers collaborated on this article. 14 Open Hands •• •• • ••••••••••••••••• • • • • • Beyond Dichotomies • • • by Ann Thompson Cook • Once there was a teenage boy who believed that he was sexually attracted to lawn mowers. He frequently had an erection when mowing the lawn, and one day he had an orgasm. What do you think? Was he sexually attracted to lawn mowers? Or was he simply in that pubescent state of ever-readiness and responding pleasantly to intense vibration? What is sexual attraction after all? Or sexual orientation? As an educator, I too often find my language slipping into easy dichotomies, speaking and writing as though people were either lesbian/gay or not. Sometimes I throw in the word bisexual, but rarely with explanation. I know, however, that my own sexuality is much more complex than that, and research suggests that most people are like me: omewhere in between the extremes. I am not discounting that some people are unalterably heterosexual and others totally and completely homosexual. Hundreds of people have told me (and I fully believe them) that they knew with certainty at a very early age that they were attracted to people of the same gender, whether or not they could name that attraction. On the other hand, many people experience a sufficient response to both females and males to make them wonder about themselves. Yet they have few accepting, nonjudgmental words to describe their experience. What else, besides gender, might define sexual orientation? Recently I was attending a national convention with a gay colleague, and although we are both in our mid-40s and in longstanding, committed relationships, we enjoy sharing our experience of who looks "good" to us. So I was not surprised when he told me with a big grin that I just had to see this cute guy at the reservation desk. When I went to look, I saw a young, preppy fellow, clean-shaven, every hair on his head in place, dressed in tailored clothes with a discreet splash of color, standing very tall. He was beautiful, and definitely my friend's "type," but not mine at all. The men I point out to my friend tend to have more hair, often have beards, and are neatly but comfortably attired in fairly casual clothes (the kind one might wear on a hike in the woods). I've noticed that the women I look at twice are either lean and "bony-jawed" (to use Holly Near's expression) or athletically compact. These and many other characteristics enter into our individual "lovemaps," a term coined by sexologist John Money, who believes that lovemaps are not present at birth but develop, like a native language, within the first few years: "[Your lovemap] depicts your idealized lover and what, as a pair, you do together.... A lovemap exists in 'Winter 1991 15 mental imagery first, in dreams and fantasies, and then may be translated into action with a partner or partners.m Note that Money is not limiting his definition to sexual behavior. Sexual orientations-Iovemaps-include dreams and fantasies that mayor may not materialize. What would you think about sharing such ideas with children and youth? Why does it make so many people uneasy? Why is it important? I believe such sharing is important because it helps us reframe the discussion-to take a closer look at and appreciate sexual diversity, and to distinguish between feelings and behavior. Returning to my colleague's and my playful comparisons, the fact is that I was reporting only feelings, not behavior; neither of us involved the attractive others in our ""game." Ifwe had, our behavior could be considered objectionable harassment. When I described being attracted to certain types of people, I was saying nothing about what I would do about those attractions, how I would behave, or how I should behave (all legitimate and important questions). In our game, my colleague and I enjoyed feelings that we had no wish or expectation of acting upon. Sharing a broad view of sexuality with adolescents, then, could enable us and them to move beyond labels and to grapple instead with the really tough questions, especially the ones about right and wrong. Take date rape, for example, a major problem that is only now beginning to receive the attention it deserves. Researchers report that many young people feel that date rape is perfectly justified in some situations. For example, they tend to agree that if a girl ""leads a boy on," she has no right to say no to intercourse, and he has every right to ""finish" what they had ""started." This point of view, of course, assumes that aroused feelings must be acted on, carried to their ""logical conclusion." Yet, upon reflection, most teens can acknowledge that they often experience aroused feelings toward people (movie stars, for example) with whom they have no hope, intention, or possibility of behaving sexually. And once they put that myth aside-that sexual feelings automatically lead to sexual behavior-teens are usually able seriously to address the larger issues. They can consider, for example, the importance of staying in touch with what is right or wrong for oneself at any given moment; the difference between sexual and violent behavior; one's right to stop (and role in stopping) unwanted behavior; and relationship issues including respect, power, sexism, rights, and exploitation. You will notice that, although the date rape example was stated in a heterosexual context, the personal and relationship issues transcend the gender of the partners. As a power play-an act of violence-I consider date rape wrong, whether in same-sex or other-sex relationships. A similar confusion of feelings and behavior is reflected in a question teachers often ask me: ""How can I communicate to my students that I accept homosexual people, that they shouldn't be discriminated against ... but still let students know that it's wrong?" What exactly is ""wrong"? Are my (or your)feelings of attraction to individual men or women wrong? Was the teenage boy wrong to become turned on by a lawn mower? Of course not. Our sexual responses are not always consciously determined. Our behavior, on the other hand, is a matter of choice. The decision of whether, when, how, and with whom to express our loving feelings can be very complex. What, then, are the important values we want young people to consider-values that will guide them in making such complex decisions? To address that question, we must learn to distinguish between feelings and behavior and acknowledge that the dilemmas are the same for all of us: • What is it that makes me (or anyone) a person of worth? • How does my own unique sexuality inform the decisions I make? The way I live my life? • In an important relationship, what will guide me in balancing my needs and wishes with my partner's? • What does it mean to make a commitment to someone I love? What should slhe expect of me? What can I expect ofhimlher? When we (adults and youth together) begin to grapple seriously with questions like these, we may begin to make a difference in whether we can sustain the intimate, long-term relationships we long for-whatever our sexual orientation.... Note 1. J. Money, Lovemaps: Clinical Concepts ofSexualJErotic Health and Pathology, Paraphilia, and Gender Transposition in Childhood, Adolescence, and Maturity (New York: Irvington P,ublishers, Inc., 1986). Ann Thompson Cook is founding director ofINSITE, a consortium ofmental health professionals and sexuality educators offering training and consultation to help schools and youth agencies become hospitable and safe for sexual diversity. 16 Open Hands Resources BOOKS Cohen, Susan and Daniel. When Someone You Know Is Gay. New York: M. Evans, 1989. Written for teens in a down-to-earth, friendly style with compassion and wit. Herdt, Gilbert, ed. Gay and Lesbian Youth. New York: Harrington Park Press, 1989. Compilation of articles originally printed in the Journal of Homosexuality. Heron, Ann, ed. One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth. Boston: Alyson, 1983. Essays and poems written by gay and lesbian youth in the early 1980s; particularly helpful for young people exploring a potential lesbian/ gay identity. Schneider, M. Often Invisible: Counseling Gay and Lesbian Youth. Toronto: Central Toronto Youth Services, 1988. Overview of adolescent homosexuality and specific guidelines for counselors on handling sexual identity issues with young people. Westheimer, Ruth, and Lieberman, Louis. Sex and Morality: Who Is Teaching Our Sex Standards? San Diego: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1988. Clarifies how young people develop an understanding of sexual right and wrong. Whitlock, Kay, for the American Friends Service Committee. Bridges of Respect: Creating Support for Lesbian and Gay Youth. Philadelphia: AFSC, 1988. Provides concise overviews of several aspects of growing up lesbian or gay in a homophobic culture, suggests antidotes, and lists numerous organizational, print, and audiovisual resources. ARTICLES AND PAMPHLETS Bodde, Tineke. Why Is My Child Gay? Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, P.O. " -inter 1991 Box 27605, Washington, DC 20038. Provides verbatim responses of top sexology researchers to questions about the origins of homosexuality. • Dennis, D., and Harlow, R. "Gay Youth and the Right to Education." Yale Law and Policy Review 4 (1986):446-78. Recommends rationale for ~nd strategies to gain equal educati(mal opportunities for lesbian/gay youth. • Gonsiorek, J. "Mental Health Issues of Gay and Lesbian Adolescents." Journal ofAdolescent Health Care 9 (1988):114-22. • Hannay, J.; Weiss, L.; and Langguth, P. Sexual Minority Youth Suicide Risks and Prevention. Youth Suicide Prevention Program, Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, 201 W. Preston St., 4th floor, Baltimore, MD 21201. · VIDEOS • AIDS, Not Us. Staten Island, N.Y.: HIV Center for Clinical Studies, 1990. 45 mins. Portrays the impact of the HIV epidemic within a gang of young men in New York City. : Growing Up Gay. Toronto City TV, 1985.60 mins. Documentary on the lives of lesbian and gay youth, with several moving accounts of conflicts and reconciliations within families. • On Being Gay. Boston: TRB Productions, 1988. 80 mins. Noted author and lecturer Brian McNaught talks about growing up gay, gives factual information, and discusses issues for gay/lesbian Christians. • Sticks, Stones, and Stereotypes. Boston: Equity Institute, 1989. 20 mins. Interviews with youth and roleplays demonstrating development and human relations issues experienced by sexual minority youth. Presented simultaneously in English and Spanish. NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS Campaign to End Homophobia. P.O. Box 819, Cambridge, MA 02139. Publishes resources including a training manual for introductory workshops and brochures for youth. Center for Population Options. 1025 Vermont Ave. NW, Suite 210, Washington, DC 20005. Collects data on HIV infection and sexually transmitted disease among youth; has resources on adolescent sexuality and health education among youth. Hetrick Martin Institute for the Protection of Lesbian and Gay Youth. 401 West St., New York, NY 10014. Has printed educational materials on sexual identity issues suitable for youth; provides technical assistance and training to organizations interested in starting community-based gay and lesbian youth programs. Human Rights Campaign Fund. 1012 14th St. NW, Washington, DC 20005. Coordinates advocacy/ lobbying efforts on behalf of lesbian and gay youth issues with Congress. INSITE. 9504 Crosby Rd., Silver Spring, MD 20910. Offers training and consultation to schools and youth agencies "to promote positive sexual identities for all youth." National Lesbian and Gay Health Foundation. 1638 R St. NW, Washington, DC 20009. Sponsors an annual one-day institute on gay and lesbian youth issues. National Minority AIDS Council. 300 1St. NE, Washington, DC 20002. Has information, resources, and program models for lesbian/gay youth of color. National Network of Runaway Youth Services. 1400 1St. NW, Suite 330, Washington, DC 20005. Acts as a data collection point and information clearinghouse on research related to sexual minority youth. 17 Surrounded by Silence: by lack Harrison As one who has worked with youth in the context of the church, I write these words out of (1) a great rage created by the silence of the church toward lesbian and gay youth; (2) a profound guilt rooted in my participation in a system which continues to oppress and use these young people; and (3) my own inability to speak or act in the face of that oppression. We adults-gayllesbian and others-have a great deal to answer for when it comes to our dealings with and our mentoring of those gay and lesbian youth who are in our midst. Gay and lesbian youth live in the context of the larger youth culture. They share its music, its language, its appearance. But most of all, they share a process of self discovery--especially the discovery of themselves as sexual beings and as beings in relationship. For all youth in our society, these are fearful times. While their experienced reality often contains messages that sex is fun and enjoyable, they also receive a powerful message from many adults within the society: that sex is dirty, not to be spoken about, even condemned by God. This mixed message characterizes youthful confusion and creates the furtiveness which defines much adolescent sexual discovery. A world emerges where adults are not allowed, for as one youth explained, "Most adults have lost their sense of mischief and adventure ... so they usually don't approve of most things."1 In short, because of a need to be accepted by adults while maintaining their own culture, youth erect boundaries defining who is allowed in and what behavior is acceptable-boundaries that mirror the larger culture in being profoundly heterosexual. This compulsory heterosexuality is supported and enforced-often unwittingly-by adults: When you get married... When youfind a nice boy or girl... Why aren't you dating someone now? I have watched the faces of gay and lesbian youth when adults in the church say these things, never even thinking that there might be gay and lesbian youth present. It is as though the youths' very • Youth In , Xl e existence has been denied and negated; they are defenseless. Having little encouragement or experience in speaking about sexual identity, they wait for those of us whom they know and respect to challenge these assumptions and model a more inclusive response. What they usually hear instead is our silence. Their faces inevitably seem to say, Will I ever be understood? Will anyone ever care to know the real me? Gay and lesbian youth, then, fmd themselves in the midst of their own self discovery in a culture that demands heterosexuality and exacts a great price for those who do not fit the mold-the price being, too often, social isolation, poor self-esteem, family break-up, substance abuse. An Ovenvhelming Silence No one dares to speak of these youth in public settings. Schools teach of Walt Whitman, Michelangelo, W.H. Auden . .. but nowhere do the textbooks mention the fact that these great artists were gay. Reading the Dialogues of Plato, we find some of the most homoerotic literature written. The recent controversial art work by Robert Mapplethorpe pales by comparison! Rock stars, movie stars, athletes, and others become idols for young people, yet those who are gay dare not speak of it for fear of losing their careers and fame. In the church-notwithstanding what appears to be a disproportionate number of gay and lesbian persons in leadership positions-pastors and youth ministers and others rarely create a space where youth can speak freely and safely of their own sexual discovery. Nor do schools, community centers, and other sources of support for youth offer information or support. Loneliness and Isolation Added to the silence, and often resulting from it, are loneliness and isolation. Like most persons, gay and lesbian youth believe they have never met or known another gay or lesbian person, and they cannot think of any counselor, family member, minister, or friend with whom they might safely share their feelings. 18 Open Hands As lesbian and gay youth become more Jware of their feelings and of their unacceptability to the larger society, they become less willing to disclose these feelings to anyone. Their questions ring in my ears: Where are the other persons who are like me? One young person wrote, It was a real revelation to discover that aU gay people were not hanging out in the rest rooms at the bus station or in the bookstores or in the parks, because that was what I thought myfuture looked like. Tofindjust one or two persons who were lawyers or doctors or in the church gave me hopefor myfuture. The fear of disclosure and rejection often affects how gay and lesbian youth relate to their families. They believe they will bring shame to their parents and ultimately be rejected, particularly those reared in a family that holds traditional Christian understandings of homosexuality. For these reasons, youth often pull away from their families, creating an even deeper sense of loneliness and isolation. Unlike their heterosexual peers, gay and lesbian youth are denied the opportunity to express affection or explore relationships in safe ways such as flirting, dating, or even holding hands. Most communities offer nQ opportunities to meet other gay or lesbian youth and to practice the social skills necessary to form lasting and loving relationships with others. Most sit in silence and desperation, denied their history, often cut off from their culture-while many gay and lesbian adults protect their status in sdbiety by being silent. It was this very tension that led to my decision to leave the church-based job that required me to be closeted in public settings. I believe these youth, and their literal or spiritual deaths by the hundreds, pose the greatest challenge to those who argue that one's sexuality is private and one's decision to remain in the closet is purely personal. Whether we like it or not, the decision to make a change on this issue is always political and communal in nature, and it can greatly benefit these youth. Winter 1991 Harassment and Discrimination In their book, After the BaU, Marshall Kirk and Hunter Madsen point out the inaccuracy of the term homophobia. They argue that while it may be comforting to think that heterosexual persons fear gay and lesbian persons, the reality is more simple. Rather, through teachings and actions, heterosexuals as a culture hate homosexuals.2 It is this insidious hatred, not fear, that gay and lesbian youth live with and confront every day of their lives. In 1984, in Maine a young man was attacked and drowned by teenagers who believed he was gay. Theologian Carter Heyward called attention to the Church's unmistakable role in the incident: Charlie Howard was not thrown offthe bridge in Bangor simply because he happened to be an "effeminate" individual who had the misfortune ofrunning into some particularly homophobic boys. Charlie Howard was killed because aU-American kids are taught by church, synagogue, and state to fear and hatefags.3 Unfortunately, lesbian and gay youth learn early---'--from other~se well-meaning people of faith-to abhor what "Oscar Wilde called ""the love that dare not speak its name," even when that love is felt within oneself. Then the voice"s started, first from this corner, thenfrom that,from overhead, thenfrom below. Wicked. Wicked. Abomination. Man lover! Child molester! Sissy! Greyboy! Old men, little girls, widows and workers, he saw no faces, knew no names, but the voices, the voices ... Unclean bastard! Be ashamed ofyourself! Filthy knob polisher!... 19 Homo-suck-shual! and lesbian youth clearly represent a culture in exile. As Ashamed. Be ashamed. pastoral persons, we have been graced with the opportunity Faggot! to incarnate the faithful and loving God to these youth and Sonofa __ empower them in their struggle for liberation. He burst through thefront door and they were there, all ofthem, laughing, hooting and pointing.4 At school, at church, in social settings, youth use with impunity words they learned from us-words likefag, dyke, queer (to name only a few). Many adults stand idly by and never challenge that language. In fact, they often laugh along with it. The silence, the lack of challenge, encourage homo-hatred, which often leads to violence and, in the case of Charlie Howard and others, death. Depression and Suicide It is hardly surprising, given the reality that gay and lesbian youth face daily, that many of them experience feelings of depression. As the Seattle Commission on Children and Youth reported after holding hearings on the experiences of lesbian and gay youth, Young people hear many negative messages about homosexuality ... oftenfrom parents and other trusted members ofthe community ... and often [they] accept these messages as true, [seeing] them as real descriptions ofwho they are or will become. The result is a sense ofshame, guilt, rejection, and diminished self-esteem. 5 Tragically, far too many see suicide as a path out of their anguish. In a 1986 report on suicide among gay and lesbian youth presented to the National Institute of Mental Health, Paul Gibson found that most lesbian and gay suicide attempts occur before age 20 -that gay youth are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than are other youths. He also hypothesized that as many as 30 percent of all completed teen suicides in the United States may involve sexual identity confusion or anxiety as a contributing factor. Have we in churches examined this aspect of the teen suicide problem? Are we prepared for its implications? The ChaUenge for Pastoral Care No image resonates more clearly with the Christian tradition than that of a community in exile awaiting liberation through the power of a gentle and just God-and gay Here are my specific recommendations for the church and for those within the church who work with youth: • Promote a safe and loving environment for gay and lesbian youth by clearly defIning that homo-hatred in language and actions is not acceptable in the Christian community. • Advocate and support the development of social and health services to meet the special needs of gay and lesbian youth-including, ifnecessary, providing funding and facilities for such services. • Provide training for church staff and members on issues facing gay and lesbian youth and their families, on their special service needs, and on effective ways to meet those needs. • Provide accurate, objective, and relevant information about sexual orientation in curriculum, preaching, teaching, and all other settings where people gather in the church. Finally, and perhaps most important, I believe that lesbian and gay adults simply have to become more visible and available to these youth as models. For too long, unhealthy behavior, secrets, lies, and closetedness have been modeled to gay youth. This must stop! An elderly Black man, speaking of his bold and visible work in the civil rights movement, describes his own intentions: I knew I was going to lose a lot. I also knew that I would not live long enough to see the changes come. I did what I didfor those young persons coming behind me. The conspiracy ofsilence and lies had to be broken somewhere. Gay and lesbian persons in the church-including the many gay and lesbian pastors, teachers, youth workers, and members in all churches--carry the same responsibility: to place a higher value on the lives of these youths than on their own status and acceptability. The church's responsibility, in turn, is to encourage, support, and protect lesbian and gay members in their efforts to provide effective and healthy models to our gay and lesbian youth.• Notes 1. Glenbard East Echo, Voices ofYouth (New York: Adama Books, 1988). 2. Marshall Kirk and Hunter Madsen, After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred ofGays in the 90s (New York: New American Library, 1990). 3. Carter Heyward, Touching Our Strength (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1989), p. 51. 4. Randall Kenan, A Visitation ofSpirits (New York: Grove Press, 1989). 5. Seattle Commission on Children and Youth, Report on Gay and Lesbian Youth in Seattle, 1988, p. 7. Formerly executive director ofthe United Methodist National Youth Ministry Organization, lack Harrison is a law student at the University ofCincinnati Law School and serves as a consultant on issues related to youth. 20 Open Hands WallringAlongside Youth by Melany Burrill A IDS, teenage pregnancy, children becoming parents, sexually transmitted diseases, sex used to sell everything from cars to toothpaste, gay bashing, gayllesbian teen suicide rates-all these are disturbing realities. As Christians, what responsibilities and/or opportunities do we have to equip young people to live in this world? How do youth view their faith, and how is it related to their sexuality? Are we willing to walk alongside them as they grow in faith as sexual persons? As we consider these questions, we need to examine how and where spirituality and sexuality interface for teens and what can be done to encourage growth of a more healthy interrelationship between the two. Youth View Spirituality A beginning point might be to ask, "What is spirituality and how is it viewed by youth?" Spirituality is an "in" word in church jargon these days. To me, spirituality refers to a person's relationship not just to God but also to himJherself and other people. It includes beliefs about people and their purpose and role in this world and the way people understand God acting in their lives and in the world. From my experience as a Christian educator in a suburban United Methodist Church, youth in the junior high age group (ages 12 to 14) have limited views of God. Their reflections on God indicate that many of them are not yet into abstract thinking. Although they may have some ideas about who God is and how God relates to them, a broader sense of spirituality is nonexistent. They see God as a judge, and their job is to not get caught breaking church rules. It is a narrow and compartmentalized view in which God is talked about in Sunday school but not really related to all of life. Junior high youth tend to parrot behavioral expectations heard from parents and teachers rather than integrate those behaviors into their lives. Senior high youth (ages 14 to 18) may have a more developed sense of spirituality. Thinking abstractly is easier for older youth, and many of them have spent time contemplating God. Many have a growing relationship with God and are asking difficult questions concerning God's relationship to the problems of life. Nevertheless, senior high youth still seem to equate spirituality with church. They see the church as setting forth a set of rules defining right and wrong. To be a spiritual person is to live by those rules. Questions Youth Ask The types of questions youth ask during church sexuality education weekends reveal much about the connections they see between sexuality and spirituality. Early teens ask very few of what I call "God questions." These youth are curious about the biology of sexuality and the social rules of relating to one another, but the religious perspective is noticeably absent. When I raise issues of personal stewardship of God's gift of our sexuality, they are open to the ideas but do not offer many of their own thoughts. It seems a foreign idea to relate sexuality and God. Their compartmentalized view of life is evident. ,"inter 1991 21 Late teens, however, are beginning to see things differently. They do ask ""God questions." Sometimes they want to know what God thinks about premarital intercourse or homosexuality. But more often their concern is with what the church says about these two issues and whether certain sexual activities are ""right" or ""wrong." Using a legalistic mindset, youth check out their beliefs or behaviors to see if they are in synchrony with the ""religious view" or what they ""should" be doing or thinking. Senior high youth do see a relationship between their sexuality, and their spirituality but that relationship consists of their ideas and behavior being judged. The Church's Response When teens grapple with issues of sexuality church people usually respond in three ways. First, they quickly define right and wrong (sometimes using biblical passages as proof). Second, they give ready answers (often in obscure terms). And third, they list numerous rules for sexual behavior. Each of these responses is said to be ""very clear" (even though the ones giving the answers may not have seen things nearly so clearly in their youth and young adulthood!). As real human beings with our own discomforts with issues of sexuality and our own fears for the well-being and indeed the very lives of young people today, the temptation for those of us who are adults to respond in these ways is strong. Nevertheless, we need to stretch ourselves and offer young people more than rules and pat answers. Our ChaUenge As church people concerned with youth and their sexual and spiritual development, we are challenged to respond in new ways. What follows are some key ways that we can nurture the integration of young people's sexuality and spirituality. • Help them develop their critical thinking skills. Giving pat answers does nothing to help people learn to think and make wise decisions for themselves. Teaching decisionmaking skills does just that. None of us can be with young people every moment of their lives to make their decisions for them. But we can help them develop skills to critically think through those situations. • Help youth to see their own prejudices and to push their own limits ofjudgmental thinking. I have often seen youth be cruel to others they perceive as different-shorter, smarter, less talented, more talented, possibly gay or lesbian, the list goes on. We need to accept youth as they are and affirm them as individuals, and then help them do the same with each other. Youths' cruelty can stem from their own feelings of differentness and inadequacy. We need to help youth see that their attitudes towards others need to be ones of acceptance, not judgment. We have a responsibility to treat others with kindness and mercy-especially those whom we perceive as different! We can provide a prophetic witness to young people in our lives by the way we treat them, by the way we treat others, and the way we call them to treat others. • Provide youth with tools and resources such as adequate and complete sexuality education and opportunities for open communication and dialogue concerning sexuality and spirituality. Being willing to discuss issues instead of avoiding them makes a strong statement. We have a responsibility to see that youth are provided facts as well as values, communication skills, and faith resources so they can grow in their spirituality and their understandings of their sexuality. We need to quit assuming that kids will pick up our values and beliefs (and thereby behaviors) by osmosis. We consciously and conscientiously should generate opportunities for encouraging the spiritual and sexual growth and development of ""our" young people. (When I speak of our young people I am not just speaking to parents. Any young people in the community of faith belong to and are the responsibility of the entire community of faith!) We need to talk about intimacy, love, sexual intercourse, sexual orientation, physical expressions of intimacy besides intercourse, relationships, self-esteem, decision making and how our faith informs that process, among other topics. • Provide an environment ofsupport. Too often in church settings we avoid difficult issues hoping they will go away. Young people should be openly supported as they struggle with the difficult issues of growing up. Offering many of the opportunities mentioned above will help youth feel that they are supported by the community of faith. This environment of support needs to include significant relationships with adults other than youths' parents. Youth can use the support and wisdom provided by adults and can often listen better to adults that are not their parents. As adults, we can provide a faithful witness to youth if we allow ourselves to get real with youth. They can see through our examples what have been good choices, what are some pitfalls in life, and what issues we still struggle with. We have awesome tasks before us. We can offer much to youth as they grow into adulthood, but we need to take those tasks seriously. We need to come to grips with our own spirituality and sexuality and look at how they interface for us. Then we need to walk alongside youth as they discern these interfaces for themselves. With such vital life issues as sexuality and spirituality facing our young people, how can we do less?'" Melany Burrill has a master's degree in religious education from Wesley Theological Seminary and is a Christian educator in Burke, Virginia. She has led more than 20 sexuality education weekend workshops within churches over the last nine years, reaching more than 350 youth and their parents. Open Hands 22 Rep Report ~ New Reconciling Congregations We welcome two new Reconciling Congregations who joined the program in the fall of 1990. Both of these congregations are in the Northern Illinois Conference, making a total of 9 in that conference and 48 across the country. Parish of the Holy Covenant The Parish of the Holy Covenant is a landmark in Chicago, affectionately known as "the church with the mural," by riders on the "el" line. An award-winning mural, "For a New World," was created on the west wall of the church building in 1973 by artists John Weber and Oscar Martinez. The Parish dates from 1894 in the Lincoln ParklLakeview neighborhood of Chicago. The congregation was active in the civil rights movement of the 1960s and women's rights in the 1970s. A core group has spent the last decade working on J apaneseAmerican redress from World War II internment, which culminated in their names appearing on the Supreme Court case decided.in 1989. In the 1980s, the congregation declined to 10 to 12 members. It has recently begun a redevelopment project to build its membership among the younger professionals now living in the neighborhood. The RC statement attracted several new members, and now worship attendance averages over 30 persons. The congregation is about to embark on a major building renovation project. Winfield UMC Winfield UMC is a small congregation seeking to maintain a progressive UMC presence in conservative DuPage County, 27 miles west of Chicago. Founded over 30 years ago, Winfield now has about 20 active members, most of whom are younger adults with children. Winfield has a history of involvement on issues of inclusiveness, havin!!: held forums on racism and inter l Central American concerns. Making the church school curriculum inclusive in terms of images, language, and relationships has been a special project. Interested in exploring the Reconciling Congregation Program, Winfield sent a member to the RC convocation in February 1990. Following a six-week study session, a resolution to become a Reconciling Congregation was approved by the congregation on November 4, 1990. The process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation provided a special opportunity for dialogue for church members regarding their families and their experiences. UMC Annual Conferences Approaching The 1991 sessions of the 73 United Methodist annual conferences in the United States coming up in May and June are of particular importance. It is at these sessions that the delegates to the quadrennial General Conference of 1992 will be elected and petitions and resolutions to that policy-making body will be approved. Among other business, the 1992 General Conference will receive the report and any recommendations from the UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality. Here are ideas of what you can do this winter and spring to prepare for your 1991 annual conference: 1) Have your local church propose a resolution to your annual conferencefor the 1992 General Conference. Talk with your pastor, your RC Committee, other RCs in your conference, and the local MFSA chapter to coordinate the submission of resolutions or legislation supporting inclusive ministries. Check with your conference office on the deadline and proper procedures for submitting any petitions. ' Ifyou have questions or need assistance, contact the RCP office. 2) Identify candidatesfor General Conference delegates who are supportive oflesbian/gay ministries. Talk with your pastor or conference lay member to help determine prospective delegates. Contact these persons about your concern for reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men. Help supportive candidates get their name before other churches and fellow conference members. 3) Plan to display RCP resources at your annual conference session. Contact your conference office to find the process for securing display space at the conference session. You should also contact other RCs in your conference to coordinate efforts. Contact the RCP office several weeksin advance to arrange to have display materials shipped to you. The RCP Board will be sending information about General Conference to Reconciling Congregations this spring. Ifyou are not a member of an RC and would like to receive this information, contact the RCP office at 202/863-1586. Future Issues of Open Hands Here is a list of themes of upcoming issues of Open Hands: • Lesbian Concerns (Summer '91) • Sexual Diversity (Fall '91) • Why Nongay Persons Support the Lesbian/Gay Movement (Winter '92) • Ministry/Ordination (Spring '92) • Inclusiveness of Other Minorities (Summer '92) • Spirituality & Sexuality (Fall '92) • Age-related Concerns (Winter '93) • Saints of the Reconciling Movement (Spring '93) Ifyou are interested in helping plan the content or writing for any of these issues, contact the RCP office. 23 Letters Out of the Woods Many thanks for sending the back issues. I've enjoyed "catching up" as it were. All the issues [of Open Hands] are so meaningful, especially when you consider living in this small town of 1,000 souls. Mter spending all my life (54 years) here and in another small town nearby as a high school guidance counselor, a two-year retirement, and "finding myself," I'm in the process of moving to Atlanta. Knowing that Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC [a Reconciling Congregation in Atlanta] exists poses a wonderful opportunity for me. I am so thankful and appreciative for what you and my fellow gay Christian people are so involved and so committed to doing. The inclusiveness of all has to be our goal for this age. Know how meaningful your efforts are to one subscriber out here! -Cranford Sutton Willacoochee, Georgia · Taking a Stand The enclosed check for the : Reconciling Congregation Project • needs a brief explanation. Recently • the "homestead" of my fathers' • family (all of whom have died) was • sold. The inheritance should have • gone to my mother and us five : siblings. My mother refused her • share, saying she didn't need it, but • requested that each of us five • children give to her local Methodist • Church building fund (the church I • grew up in). I was clear that I : couldn't conscientiously help • Methodism until it stopped discrimi• nating against my gay brothers and • sisters. I announced my decision to • make a donation to the part of • Methodism I believe in-Kinheart (a : locallesbianlwomen's program in • Evanston, Illinois) and the Reconcil• ing Congregation Program.... My • point is that, after criticizing main• stream Methodism, I decided to do Reconciling Congregations • something about what I find wrong in : Methodism. My best wishes in your effort to • have "92 by '9211-and in the contin• ued reconciling ministry you are • doing. -Dave Matteson Crete, Illinois [A special thanks to Dave and the • many otherfriends who have sent • gifts in response to our "92 in '92" • appeal. MLB.] Send your letters and comments to • share with other readers to Open : Hands, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, • D.C. 20026. ARIZONA Tucson St. Francisin the Foothils CALIFORNIA Albany AlbanyUMC Berkel€y Trinity UMC Fresno Wesley UMC Los Angeles United University Wilshire UMC Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC San Francisco BethanyUMC CalvaryUMC Hamilton UMC Trinity UMC Santa Monica Church in Ocean Park Vacaville St. Paul's UMC West Hollywood Crescent Heights UMC COLORADO Denver St. Paul's UMC DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington Christ UMC Dumbarton UMC GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albany Park UMC Irving Park UMC Parish of the Holy Covenant United Church of Rogers Park DeKalb University UMC Evanston He'C1 enway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC Winfield Winfield UMC KANSAS Mission ecumenikos LOUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC MARYLAND Baltimore St. John's UMC MINNESOTA Minneapolis Prospect Park UMC Walker Community UMC Wesley UMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC NEW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC New York Metropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC OHIO Toledo Central UMC OREGON Estacada Estacada UMC Portland Metanoia Peace Community PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC First UMC of Germantown TENNESSEE Nashville Edgehill UMC WASHINGTON Seattle Capitol Hill UMC Wallingford UMC WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC RECONCILING CONFERENCES California-Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy RECONCILING COMMISSION General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns RECONCILING ORGANIZATION Methodist Federation for Social Action Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 6 No 3 - Youth and Sexual Identity: New Vistas https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/b7588a278fabf473bf715e2b90ba9342.pdf 2a121120c7c2d987c5d3a3f45d2f14af Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 6 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1990 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Text Any textual data included in the document ----------------------------------- Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc., as a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Each issue of Open Hands focuses on a particular area of concern related to gay men and lesbians within the Church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. In this network, Reconciling Congregations fmd strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations, along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Mfirming (United Church of ChristfDisciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist) congregations, offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the Reconciling Congregation Program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Information about the program and these resources can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 6 No.2 Fall 1990 Exploring the Dilemmas ................................................................ 4 M. Burrill A Covenant Written on Our Hearts............................................... 5 Tom Russell Holy Union: One Church's Experience......................................... 7 Graeme and Jane Donovan You Do, I Don't...............................................................................10 Mary E. Hunt Two Couples Who Did..................................................................... 12 Tom Russell A Risk and A Revelation ................................................................. 14 Peg Beissert Churches Move...Cautiously .......................................................... 15 Mark Bowman The Law and the Prophets: Precedents for the Church's Blessing of Extra-Legal Marriages ................................. 16 Melvin R. Woodworth Social Change: Domestic Partner Legislation ............................... 17 Donna Jones Sustaining the Spirit....................................................................... 18 Resources ..................................................................... ................... 20 Letters.............................................................................................. 21 RCP Report.................................................................................... 22 Two Couples Social Change: Domestic Who Did ........................12 Partner Legislation...........17 Open Hands • 2 Confronted By Love: The "Holy Union" Controversy ,'T hose whom God has joined together, let no one put asunder." With those words, many a couple have begun their lives as married people joined to one another in "holy matrimony." But what happens to lesbian and gay people of faith who wish to commit to each other before God and the community of believers? Our reconciling movement boldly declares that gay men and lesbians are vital parts of the family of God. But does that include celebrating lesbian/gay relationships, too? If it does, what do such celebrations consist of and what blessings, obstacles, and ramifications can we expect? To some churches, this is new ground to explore for the first time, while others have faced these challenges many times. This issue of Open Hands looks at covenant celebrations within the church between same-gender couples, sometimes called "holy unions." In addition to exploring the theology of covenant relationships, we present stories of churches and individuals who have had experience with services of commitment. Through these interviews, narratives, and reflections, the complexity of this concern unfolds. Covenants within Christian tradition are not taken lightly and samegender covenants are no exception. Controversy exists even within the lesbian/gay community concerning the desirability of such services of commitment. In addition, gay/lesbian partnerships raise issues of justice in the larger community. Inequities in insurance, income tax, and legal matters have inspired some to work to pass domestic partner legislation in a number of jurisdictions. Our faith tradition is full of stories of people bound together in committed relationships. This tradition continues herein as we explore the possibilities and meanings of covenantal commitments.... Next Issues Theme: Adolescents and Homosexuality Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Tom Russell Editorial Assistants Van Dixon Donna Jones Graphic Design Supon Design Group Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters to the editors, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1990 by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. Member, The Associated Omrch Press ISSN 0888-8833 Fall 1990 3 Exploring the DileIIllllas by M. Burrill Human beings have a need for close relationships. In the creation story in Genesis 2, God recognizes the need for humans to have companionship. This drive towards intimacy plays itself out in this society by the "coupling phenomenon." From fairy tales to children's dreams of growing up, the plan is to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Lesbians and gay men dream, too, of falling in love, fmding life partners, and living happily ever after. They sometimes desire a public acknowledgement or celebration of that partnership. A recent national survey of 1,266 lesbian and gay couples discovered 19% of the lesbian couples and 11% of the male couples stated that they had held a ceremony of some kind to recognize their relationship. (See page 24.) In recent history, the church has been the usual environment for marriages. As more churches identify themselves as open to gay men and lesbians, and as more lesbian and gay couples are open about their relationships, the issue of celebrating commitment ceremonies between persons of the same gender increasingly confronts people of faith. Celebrating gayllesbian "unions" within the church has personal, social, religious, institutional, and pastoral implications. Personal Issues Gayllesbian couples considering a church ceremony grapple with a number of issues in the personal arena. To publicly celebrate a relationship means a larger degree of visibility for that relationship. The sometimes comforting cloak of invisibility falls away. Lesbian/gay couples often struggle to determine whether such a ceremony merely copies heterosexual marriages or has unique significance for their lives. Through a commitment service, a couple could seek to legitimize a relationship spurned by society and the church. Some couples yearn also for the legal sanctions afforded marriages in this culture. Social Implications If a church moves forward to celebrate commitment ceremonies for lesbian/gay couples, it risks being unpopulal' in the community. Performing, encouraging, and supporting "lesbian and gay marriages" upsets the heterosexual status quo. Reconciling Congregations often weigh the pros and cons of proclaiming a public policy supporting covenant ceremonies or going quietly about their ministry, which may well include such ceremonies. A church's involvement in commitment services, including marriages, perpetuates the two-by-two stereotype often to the exclusion of other relational options. The early Christian church vision of community is redefined in our age to refer to a loose conglomerate of twos and threes. Other options for living in community are ignored or stigmatized. Religious Ramifications Some churches offer gayllesbian covenant celebrations out of a sense of justice. Ifa celebration of relationship is offered to nongaylleshian couples in the form of marriage, why not to lesbians and gay men? For churches in the reconciling movement, the decision to publicly support same-gender commitments often comes as a result of growth beyond the initial position of openness to gayllesbian people to that of actively nurturing and celebrating same-gender relationships. Churches involved with lesbian/gay commitment services grapple with their theology of covenant and marriage. One unspoken dimension of this dilemma is sexual expression. Marriage has traditionally been seen as the bond within which full sexual expression is blessed. When churches publicly support and celebrate committed gay and lesbian relationships through a service of union, they are blessing sexual expression within those relationships. This brings sex into the open when it previously had been more comfortably ignored. Institutional Complications Churches and clergy responding to lesbian and gay church members' requests for commitment services have been told by hierarchies that participating in commitment services risks consequences. Being prophetic in such a political system as the church can have negative repercussions. Pastoral Implications Once a congregation celebrates a lesbian or gay relationship, it takes on serious pastoral responsibilities as well. Counseling, support, and recognition are all part of that role. The celebration is not the end but the beginning of a congregation's relationship to that couple as a family. Lesb!an/gay couples suffer from invisibility much of the time. When couples break up, the congregation should realize that a divorce has just occurred and respond with love and care. In the above-mentioned survey, although a majority of respondents claimed a Judeo-Christian fc.ith (53% of women and 620/0 of men), they also ranked the church as the lowest source of support for their relationship. The church was ranked as more hostile than family members, coworkers, and friends. Only four percent of the couples had sought relationship help from clergy. The need for commitment services for gayllesbian relationships raises complex questions for the church requiring equally complex answers. As we respond to these questions in faith and love, we are reminded that love is our calling. We are created by a God of love and we respond by loving God and loving one another.T M. Burrill is coeditor ojOpen Ha,nds. . 4 Open Hands ~ ~ S q, This kind of by Tom RusseU Our lives are filled with relationships of one sort or anothernuclear and chosen families, work colleagues, the people in the neighborhood or building where we live, acquaintances, special friends, housemates, church friends and school chums. These are just a few of the overlapping circles where some friendships are like dust in the wind, while others endure and flourish. How is it then that we understand theologically our deep feelings in those relationships that we care most about, those that are intense, valuable, and longlasting, those where we are also intimate, sexually expressive, and vulnerable? In the Christian tradition, we often look to the Bible to illustrate relationships which give meaning to our present situation. Whether or not they had legal status or a religious ceremony, Abraham and Sarah lived a long life together in covenant with each other strengthened by their mutual faith in God. When the men in their lives died, Ruth and Naomi no longer had any legal ties to bind them together. Naomi, as the elder, encouraged Ruth to return to her own family across the river valley. Ruth refused and instead chose to remain as Naomi's companion. Despite differences in age and ethnicity, they made a promise offriendship and loyalty (Ruth 1: 16-17). While there is no mention of a sexual relationship in this covenant, the possibility cannot be excluded. Fall 1990 biblical promise, like the one between David and Jonathan (I == Samuel 18:3), as w~ll as the one between Abraham and Sarah, is understood as a "covenant," that is, a solemn agreement or oath made verbally and, sometimes, with symbolic action. A major focus of Hebrew history and theology and later Christian interpretation is that God and humanity are in covenant with each otherhumans accepting the covenant oflove and responsibility that God offers. God is gracious and offers to continue to lead humanity from slavery to freedom, from exile to redemption. Subsequent covenants between humans are influenced by our faith and our understanding of the divine-human covenant. The scriptures are full of examples of various types of covenants: 1) differing interpretations of the divine-human covenant, 2) warring tribes and nations settling differences, and 3) families and individuals agreeing on everything from payments and property to eternal fidelity. The Divine-Human Encounter Israel's self-identification as a religious community and as a nation was seen, and in some ways is still seen, in covenant relationship to God, much like a stern but loving monarch who makes agreements with the people who serve as protected vassals. The covenant at Mt. Sinai where God gives the people the Ten Commandments is a good example of this in the early Hebrew tradition. ( continued on next page) 5 In Christian faith, the core of the new covenant in Jesus of Nazareth can be summarized in John 3:16 and 13:34-35: For God so loved the that God gave God's only Child, that whoever believes in that Child should not perish but have eternal life. A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. Covenants as Treaties between Nations The Hittite Empire (ca. 1400-1200 B.C.E.) and other conquering states usually forced vassal kings into covenant agreements of obedience and financiaIJrnilitary obligations to the empire, with the gods appealed to as witnesses to this contract. A synonym of covenant in the Hebrew scriptures is the notion of ""oath" as the act of formally binding a contract. There are numerous examples of such oaths betweens individuals and peace treaties and alliances between rival ethnic and national groups. One significant common factor in these early understandings of covenant is that they were agreements between unequal parties-between God and humanity or between a warring kingdom and a conquered state. Covenant ofEquals However, the covenants of David and Jonathan and of Ruth and Naomi, unlike those of conquered nations and social unequals, are ones of mutuality-a pledge of life-long friendship and loyalty, with apparently no formal contractualobligations. ""Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul." (I Samuel 18:3). This pledge is made as equals who give their love to each other in trust. Some such oaths or covenants impose specific obligations on both parties, some have no stipulations. A Covenant Written on Our Hearts Many believers look to the words of Jeremiah for the embodiment of a covenant that embraces all people from the least to the greatest: The days are surely coming...when I will make a new covenant...it will not be like the covenant I made with their ancestors...that they broke.. .1 will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. No longer shall they teach one another, or say to each other ""Know the Lord," for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. (Jeremiah 31:3lff.) • 6 As followers of Jesus Christ, the Christian church has defme itself (ifthere is anyone defmition!) as the community of believers in covenant with God through Jesus Christ and in covenant with one another. An ancient Christian faith saying is, ""God has become a human being that humans might become more like God." God's loving action and covenant in Jesus Christ draw us closer to God and closer to each other. Weare in dynamic movement, becoming more like God. God is not simply love as an abstract noun, but the divine Lover, who actively seeks us out and offers loving relationship to us, and encourages us to form loving relationships with other people as reflections and icons of God's divine love.l For a faithful people groaning under oppressive traditions imposed by a combination of the powers of religion and state, the Hebrew prophets and the teachings of Jesus were a license for liberation. This call to liberation legitimized the role of the individual and the community in determining the way their faith was manifested in their lives. Rather than being a covenant only for the nation and its cult, the covenant written on our hearts helps us to draw the circle of community closer. Since it is not just my heart, but yours as well, I must hear you while asking you to hear me. This is a key element of community. Since this covenant is written on the heart of the greatest and the least, I must hear the rich and the poor, the educated and the uneducated, the healthy and the sick, the Black and the White, the heteosexual and the homosexual. ""The commonwealth of God is not coming with things that can be observed...For, in fact, the commonwealth of God is among you." (Luke 17:20ff). The fact that there are now individual congregations willing to offer their support, prayers, and respect to partners of the same gender who desire to covenant to live their faithful lives together demonstrates that there are a few who are listening to what is written on the hearts of the gay brothers and lesbian sisters of faith. It also suggests that many committed same-gender couples, despite the Church's general stubborn and negative response, are increasingly willing to more fully share their faith with their community. By so doing, we are faithful to the instruction of Jesus not to "'hide our light under a bushel." .. I Robert Williams, Anglican Theological Review, Spring 1990, p. 150. Tom Russell was a US-2 mission volunteer in New Mexico and mission intern in the Middle Eastfor the United Methodist Board ofGlobal Ministries and is now a member ofSt. John's of Baltimore City UMC in Baltimore, Maryland. This article was adapted and excerptedfrom a copyrighted and unpublished article by Peter L. De Groote entitled "Holy Unions. " Open Hands Holy Union: One Church~s Experience by Graeme and Jane Donovan We should have known that making the decision to conduct a holy union in our church would be the easy part. Mter all, Dumbarton United Methodist Church, in the Georgetown section of Washington, D.C., has spent lots of time and corporate angst in the last twenty years making decisions on difficult or controversial social issues, only to find their consequences to be beyond any "what if..." on our carefully thought-out list of contingencies. There was the time, for example, when we decided to use the church as a pick-up point for homeless persons in the vicinity, a place where they could fmd a cup of coffee on a cold afternoon while waiting for a vehicle to take them to the city shelter for the night. We had agonized over everything from theft to lice, but it turned out to be our neighbors, the people who lived in the big houses along the street, who did in our plan. They said they would take us to court if we went ahead. That was that. Several years later, when we voted to join the Sanctuary Movement and sponsor a refugee from Central America, we assumed we would be sheltering someone who, fearful of the dangers just escaped, would make every effort to blend in as quickly as possible-and stay out of trouble. We did not anticipate that our refugee would promptly set off on a cross-country speaking tour to call attention to human rights abuses in the region, or later be arrested and undergo deportation hearings (with fortunate results so far, but many anxieties along the way). When we voted to become a Reconciling Congregation, we thought we had talked out every possible occurrence that could make us uncomfortable with the consequences of our decision. Later, we discovered that the decision-which we had reached after over a year of carefully planned studies and discussions in a deliberate and conscious process of consensus building-was no more than a beginning. The reality has been more decision-making, more agonizing, more facing up to our hidden prejudices and other inadequacies, and far more challenge and growth than we had imagined. With all this in our recent history, perhaps it should have come as no surprise that our decision to adopt a policy allowing holy unions, and setting a date to celebrate the union of two of our lesbian members, ended up as a major story in The Washington Post. D umbarton United Methodist Church is a small congregation of thoughtful, middle-class liberals. We take to heart John Wesley's teachings on social concerns and try not to shy away from the most difficult call, to be God's people in mission to the world. Knowing that we are part of United Methodism's "connectional" system, in which the church hierarchy can overrule us on occasion, had neve.t:.given us pause, because we saw our role within the denomination as one of bringing to the church as a whole the struggle to love our neighbors as ourselves, even Fall 1990 as we at Dumbarton struggle. We have not always agreed with the bishop or The Discipline, but we had never before found our disagreements featured in a major metropolitan daily newspaper. The morning of Friday, May 11, 1990, was different, however. Dumbarton members, our district superintendent, and our bishop awakened to the headline, "Methodist Congregation Blesses Lesbian Couple's Union," with their bran muffins and coffee. It was a big headline. And it wasn't the best thing for our immediate relationship with official United Methodism. The decision to hold this holy union came several years after our becoming a Reconciling Congregation and, like most of our decisions, after much struggle and discussion. While we had always felt that becoming a Reconciling Congregation implied a commitment to seek ways for our community to bless the loving relationships of gay men and lesbians in the same way that the Church has blessed those of heterosexual couples for hundreds of years, we had not specifically addressed the issue in our earlier discussions. We needed to decide exactly where we stood on the issue of holy unions, and why. We also wanted to spell out a policy for the guidance of future pastors who might not have traveled the same road we had. And, of course, some in our congregation, while comfortable with the decision to become a Reconciling Congregation, found that the issue of holy unions resurrected doubts they thought had been laid to rest. Dealing with such doubts right away has always been an important feature of our decision making. Indeed, we can scarcely avoid doing so, since Dumbarton is a congregation of strong-minded people, the kind who will let their reservations, doubts, and disagreements be known in no uncertain terms. So, although we had dealt with these concerns, at least enough to move forward as a community, the full glare of the public spotlight occasioned by the newspaper article raised yet others, not about our position on holy unions, but about what to do next. A number of news organizations, both secular and religious, wanted to know mOl'e about the rather too rare sight of a group of people trying to do a work of love in a loveless world. And most of them, truth be told, sensed here ""an angle," which was confrontation. Now, we had not set out to be confrontational. Ours was not an act of civil disobedience. It very quickly became clear, however, that acting upon our statement, actually allowing a celebration of holy union on our church premises, would be treated as an act of civil disobedience-and would be punished accordingly. This crisis reflected the confused, inconsistent, and entirely inadequate treatment of sexuality in the United Methodist Discipline, which claims to affirm the sacred worth of both heterosexual and homosexual persons, while denying (continued on next page) 7 Thefollowing storyis taken from the Summer 1990issue of VISION , the newsletter of University UMC, Madison, Wisconsin: Recent publicity generated by a United Methodist Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C., brought press attention to University Church as well. Services of celebration for "committed relationships between persons of the same sex" had been conducted for 3 112 years with the knowledge of the Cabinet (the Superintendents and Bishop of the Conference). The publicity, appearing in the Wisconsin State Journal on May 18, 1990, precipitated the issuance on May 24, 1990 of a two page statement from the Cabinet. In bold print in that statement appears the following directive: "Mter review of the 1988 Discipline and the practices of University Church, we believe that offering the "Celebration of Holy Union" for same sex persons, is incompatible with the Book ofDiscipline, The United Methodist Social Principles, is outside the parameters of the original Resolution of University Church, and thus must be discontinued." Full Text ofUniversity UM Omrch Resolution (adopted at a church conference December 16, 1986) Whereas, University United Methodist Church has a long tradition ofacceptance ofaU peoples regardless of sexual or affectional orientation as evidenced b)' the "Resolution Concerning the Openness ofUniversity United Methodist Church to AU Persons regardless ofSexual or Affectional Orientation;" Whereas, committed relationships between persons of the same sex can be ofthe same quality, depth, and duration, involve the same challenges, and need the same supportfrom the community as relationships recognized by marriage; Whereas, human companionship is essential in the biblical view ofhumanfulfrllment; and Whereas, the Discipline ofthe United Methodist Church affirms that lesbians and gay men " .. . are individuals of sacred worth, who need the ministry and guidance ofthe Church in their strugglesfor humanfulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care ofa fellowship which enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self. Further we insist that aU persons are to have their human and civil rights ensured ..." Now, therefore be it resolved that, in keeping with our tradition that lesbian and gay people are an integral part ofour ministry and community, we offer a service of celebrationfor lesbian and gay relationships; That, ourfacilities be made availablefor such services; and That, knowing that the Discipline gives pastors alone final responsibilityfor decisions concerning the performance ofreligious services in a congregation; we respectfully request that the pastor ofUniversity United Methodist Church ~fflCiate at such services as he/she deems appropriate, thus allowing couples to celebrate their continuing relationship with one another in the presence ofGod. • 8 the latter the right to be themselves without incurring the church's (official) displeasure. Itis hard, we suppose, for such an official policy to do any better than it did in our case, namely allowing churches to state that they will be in reconciling ministry with all people, but woe betide those who put flesh and blood on such a declaration! Our first concern was for the two people over whose heads this furor had erupted. The whole thing was supposed to be for their benefit, not a vehicle for yet another round of societal disdain. The world was full enough of such ill will, as hard experience had taught them. Perhaps that experience had taught them courage as well, for in the discussions which followed, they were an example and an inspiration to us, of patience, gentleness, forbearance, and wisdom. Under circumstances which no heterosexual couple must endure, they demonstrated their commitment to one another, their concern for the community, and their determination to move forward along the path upon which they firmly believed God had set their feet. The decisions Dumbarton Church have made have been fraught with suprises, serendipitous discoveries, graces, and graceful people. In the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation, we learned new things about long-cherished members of our community and received new blessings from them, as we did also from newcomers who saw our struggles toward reconciliation as an invitation to join us. The lesson of our journeying is that loving is not an impoverishing but an enriching process, for lover as much as for loved. In spite of these gifts, in the matter of holy union, Dumbarton received a setback, a firm ""No" from the institutional chlll'ch, which took considerable effort to turn into a ""Yes." The hurt and humiliation we experienced were in direct proportion to our inability even to protect our members from the pain. But after the first shock, the first round of new doubts, the community coalesced in a way that was stronger than ever before. We reaffirmed our statement on holy unions as a reflection of who we are as a congregation, as an expression of belief. Beating a tactical retreat on the narrower issue of venue, we t'ejoiced when a chlll'ch of anothet· denomination was found to host the ceremony. Members of our congregation decorated the sanctuary, took part in the service, and hosted the reception which followed. Though not performed in our church building, the service nevertheless took place within our community of faith. Both the union and those united were supported by the congregation. The sky did not fall. We are now in a position to look back on these events, but we realize that foresight is never so clear. When we made the decision to perform a holy union, we did not anticipate all the outcomes. We sUl'Vived this crisis, but there was no guarantee that we would do so. Sometimes the sky does fall. Risky decisions would not be risky otherwise. Furthermore, we are on a journey. Just when we begin to be more comfortable with the landscape, it may change abruptly-and probably will, ifour experience is any guide. The hardest and most important things for us as members of a community are to face our own weaknesses and shortcomings, accept one another as finite persons equally in need of grace, and press on. From the short distance travelled so far, we can report that the journey is richly worth the effort.. Graeme and Jane Donovan are members ofDumbarton United Methodist Church in Washington, D.C. Open Hands Dumbarton United Methodist Church, Washington, D.C An Understanding ofLesbian/Gay Holy Unionsl Background Information As a church that has, after study, prayer, and deliberation, designated itself a Reconciling Congregation-in ministry with lesbian and gay people and their families-we continue to grow in our understanding of equitable and inclusive ministry. Through the Bible, we have come to know that Jesus Christ calls us to love both God and our neighbor. The church community is one place where we grow in relationship to God and our neighbor. When two people come together in life and spirit and develop a primary, committed relationship, the church is often asked to celebrate and bless the ""wedding" of their lives and spirits. Marriage: Licensed by the State, Blessed by the Church For heterosexual couples, that celebration takes place in Christian marriage. Marriage is licensed by the state, and the clergy who officiates is authorized to act as an agent of the state.2 As Bishop Spong notes, however, ""The church does not, in fact, marry anyone. People marry each other. The state, not the church, defines the nature of legal marriage. It does so by giving to the married couples the right of joint property ownership."3 Legal ramifications of marriage involve inheritance, legitimacy of children, custody rights, taxes, insurance, social security benefits, etc. The clergy who officiates also acts as an agent of the church, and in that role is witnessing a couple's ""public vows to love each other, to live in a faithful relationship, and to be mutually supportive and caring in all of life's vicissitudes."4 Once the clergy person has heard the covenant vows that the couple makes ""before God and this company," s/he then adds blessings, prayers, and the promise of supportive community. This is a gift from the church to the couple. Holy Unions: Neither Licensed nor Offered Blessing For same-gender (gay or lesbian) couples, the state refuses to issue licenses or recognize legal rights or obligations. Some same-gender couples undertake legal paperwork-"living together" contracts, wills, powers of attorney, guardianship, documents of joint ownership, joint insurance policies, etc.-to duplicate some of the benefits of marriage. Some benefits, however-such as social security, income tax, and child custody--can be granted only by state laws and licenses. Similarly, most Christian Protestant communities deny same-gender couples the opportunity to celebrate the wedding of their lives and spirits within the church. The gift has not been offered. Congregational Policy Dumbarton joins the growing movement of Christian churches that wish to offer the gift. We affirm the need for the church to celebrate, with a ""blessing of covenant" or ""holy union," commitments that lesbian/gay couples wish to makeand to celebrate them with the same serious and pastoral support that are afforded heterosexual couples in the service of marriage. Definition ofHoly Union A holy union is a religious celebration in which two persons ask for God's blessing; declare and affirm their faith, love, and commitment before God and the community; commit their common journey into the hands of God; reconcile themselves with God and with each other; and join their lives to the fullest of their capacity. Elements ofPre-Union Counseling The blessing of a gay or lesbian covenant should entail pre-union counse]jng. Although the content of such counse]jng would depend on the counselor's style and the couple's history, the same issues should be covered that one would cover in pre-marriage counseling with heterosexual couples: the meaning of covenant, communication, finances, household responsibilities, sexuality, relationships with children and extended family, careers, etc. Content ofServices The elements of a holy union are basically the same as any service of marriage: a time of gathering with or without music; a declaration of intent; appropriate prayers, scriptures, readings, and interpretation of the Word; the involvement of family and friends; covenant vows; an option on the exchange of rings or some other token of commitment; prayers of blessings; and the option of communion. The service can be as traditional or as contemporary as the individuals involved. Celebrant Holy unions are entirely a blessing and should be performed by a celebrant who understands and affirms the loving commitment being tmdertaken by the couple. Due to the controversial nature of celebrating holy unions, the pastor appointed to Dumbarton may choose not to be involved in the service himlherself, but is encouraged to help the couple find a suitable celebrant. Resolution In sum, it is the spirit of the Dumbarton congregation that the celebration of holy unions is a part of the ministry this congregation can offer to persons who otherwise have been denied the full ministry of the church. This means two things: (1) for those within the Dtunbarton community, we offer holy unions as part of our community life; (2) for those not within the community, we offer use of church facilities on the same basis as we offer them for services of marriage. I Policy of the congregation adoped May 3,1990, at Dmnharton United Medthodist Church, 3133 Dumharton Avenue, N.W., Washington, DC 20007 1 In many European countt;es, the legal (justice of the peace) procedures are hancUed separately fl'Om the religious celebration. ! Spong, John S., Livillg ill Sin? A Bishop Rethinks Hwnan Sexuality, New York: Harper and Row, 1988, p.200. ' Ibid. FaIl 1990 9 Tom Russell interviewed Mary and Marcia and also Mauro and Christopher in the summer of1990, heard stories oftheir relationships, laughed with them, looked at photo albums and heard their visions and hopes for theirfutures together. Cupid~s arrow often finds its mark unexpectedly. The May 1989 Gertrude Stein Democratic Club banquet in Washington~ D.C.~ was no ordinary political event in the lives of Mauro Montoya and Christopher Echols. Both men are leaders of the club and active in D.C. politics and the gay community~ yet they had never met~ only talked on the phone in planning the banquet. But both mark the banquet as the beginning of their friendship. The romance began in June~ there was a 4th of July ""American Cafe" picnic on the Capitol mall watching the fireworks~ and by October the once forbidden ""L" word was employed. ""I love you!~~ ""Will you marry me?" They lead busy lives of work~ politics and travel. Mauro is an attorney and executive dil'ector of Lifelink~ a people with AIDS coalition in D.C. Christopher is a computer software specialist on leave from his firm to assist in the D.C. mayoral campaign of Sharon Pratt Dixon. So~ with all the busy-ness~ it was no ordinary feat to grow in love and plan their sacred union! ""We both have such hectic lives~ so the preparations were both tense and wonderful. When we would fmally sit down to focus on the relationship and preparing for the ceremony, it was delightful.~~ ""We talked a lot about whether or not to have a ceremony. Why would we want to imitate straight people? I wanted to make a public statement and a public commitment of my love for Christopher. Nobody can tell me that I can~t do that.~' Originally~ Mauro wanted a ceremony, but not a religious one. Since Christopher is Episcopalian~ Mauro knew how much his partner wanted a Christian context for their wedding. ""I knew it would mean a lot to Christopher to have a priest bless our union." The date was set and they asked The Rev. Jerry Anderson~ chaplain of the Episcopal Caring Response to AIDS~ to celebrate at their sacred union. On June 23~ 1990~ after a frantic spring organizing political events in addition to their personal preparations for the ceremony, 200 guests gathered in the Rose Garden of the Friends Meeting House to honor the union of Christopher and Mauro. This was the first time the Friends Meeting House had been used for a same-gender wedding. The Old Testament passage spoke of the love of David and Jonathan. The two friends who stood up with them during the liturgy were ""best persons." They made their vows~ exchanged rings~ prayed the Lord~s Prayer and a friend of theirs sang the prayer of St. Francis. ""We cried big time. "'During the ceremony ~ when Rev. Anderson asked the congregation if they would support and encourage us in our union, everyone broke out into applause. '''It was so wonderful! It~s helped a lot of people. In fact~ two other couples have since had unions as a result of ours." The challenges of their sacred calling continue for' Christopher and Mauro beyond the ceremony and the early months of their life together. Together they walk the path toward justice~ comfort, hope and healing for those who are HIV positive and those living with AIDS. Together they struggle for a better political order for all the people of Washington, D. C. And together they grow in the grace and power oflove. • 12 Open Hands The following excerpt from their Covenant Statement conveys much of their Christian faith and their spiritual vision together with God in community: [Marcia and Mary]join their lives as amzpanions, a couple, to form a family that emerges out ofa manifested deep love given to each other over a nineteen yearjourney, that responds to their first and still primary love for God. They believe that the Spirit has led them to the mystery and discovery oflove through each other and to the depth ofthat love's shared expressions. They believe that in the formati?n ofthis family, love will be given the nurturing to bloom and grow. Together they will provide an environment where each will become more hospitable, reach new horizons ofcreativity, missional e}fictiveness, and spiritual depth through that love. They expect their love to reach out beyond themselves to the world and its need. Mary and Marcia Radiance and joy are the words that come to mind listening to Marcia and Mary tell their story of love and companionship. August 14, 1990, was the 6th anniversary of their "Covenanting Service" celebrated with friends and food, promises and prayers, singing and balloons. Since they met in 1965 at a midwestern university, these two wonderful women have chronicled their journey over the years. They longed for each other's company and grew in their love despite the fact that they lived in different states for 19 years. They were able to see each other on average about twice a year--on holidays, Christmas, church camp, mission events, workshops, funerals, vacations. Mary is a preacher's daughter and grew up in United Methodist parsonages. She is now a professional in the Church and both she and Marcia, who is a manager/ organizer for a not-for-profit group, feel that they cannot use their last names because of the professional risk for Mary in the United Methodist Church. They've dealt with the non-acceptance of their relationship in another Christian group, too. When they approached the religious order to which they belonged with the news that they wished to become a family recognized by their community, there was great debate and finally a decision of "no consensus." As inclusive and progressive as that group was, they had never before wrestled with the issue of an open lesbian couple recognized as a family among them. Although there was no consensus within their religious community, there was a subgroup of the members, dubbed the Lavender League, who whole-heartedly supported them and helped them plan for their covenanting service. Most of the Lavender League were also members of the Good Shepherd Parish of the Metropolitan Community Church in Chicago. Marcia and Mary speak of what they had intended for their ceremony, "We wanted to publicly proclaim our love to one another rather than toast each other in private and proclaim ourselves life-mates. We did this before God and our community-in the context of the Christian church. This community supports us and continues with us in our spiritual journey. "We send a family letter each year to the friends who were there with us at our covenant service-to let them know how things are going with Mary and me. There is accountability through the community for our growth as a family. "We understood what we did as a covenanting event, rather than a marriage/wedding, as traditionally marriage assumes the union of heterosexual persons. We did not want to imitate the heterosexual wedding. "We have joined in a Christian covenant, a distinctively different relationship than a state recognized legal commitment. While we believe same gender unions should become legally honored, that is not the primary pm·pose for family creation based on mutual faith. Our model is the Biblical understanding of covenant, a relationship with God not subject to state law. Socially, we refer to our relationship as "life-mates" and, indeed, envision a life-long covenant." In preparing for their ritual Marcia and Mary wrote the story of their friendship and a covenant statement, discussed their "mission" as a family, the meaning of their shared lives and created a family symbol that helps to picture their values and shared vision. They also discussed budget and finances. The Lavender League prepared the feast, a congregational dinner before the ceremony, and a reception and giftgiving following. There wet'e balloons and songs, prayers and promises and lots of good memories...sacred memories. One of those memories Mary speaks of is the pastor who led the covenant sel'Vice. "We even had an ordained United Methodist minister. This was very powerful and significant for us. It felt right. We joked with our pastor because joining a lesbian couple was her first official act since her ordination a short time before. What a way to begin her ministry in the United Methodist Church!"'Fall 1990 13 A Risk and A Revelation by Peg Beissert ship stand up against the flack they would anxiety. I feared that the service I was I approached the church with great have to bear? And why, I wondered, why about to witness would be extremely must they be subjected to that kind of offensive to me. Hmy situation became oppression? too difficult what should I, as pastor, do? The other question that bothered me Walk out? That dramatic action seemed had to do with my own apprehensions almost as unbearable as it might be to about the service. I told myself I should experience what was ahead. have known this service would be tasteful, The church was located in the midst of in good order, and meaningful as well. a gay community and many of its members Both Bill and Gary had been two of the were homosexual. The service was to most dedicated Christians I had ever met. celebrate the union of two of its men. In truth, Gary was an ordained minister It was a lovely evening. I sat quietly in in another denomination and Bill a most the warm glow of candlelight. Friends of devout church leader. They are quality the participants entered, well groomed, I noticed, and if they spoke at all, it was in subdued tones. So far, so good. What I most feared was that this would be some kind of parody on marriage. I am sure there were old stereotypes of gay people rattling in the back of my head that caused me to think this. In addition, I was recently widowed after a wonderful marriage. Any "put downs" of that institution would be more than I could handle. As the church filled, the time to start arrived. It was not necessary that a pastor officiate since this was not a legal ceremony. All it could be was a celebration of friendship. Bill and Gary, both dressed in dark suits, walked down the aisle together. During much of the service they faced each other. The leader spoke about the meaning of the ceremony. He deplored the fact that such a service was not properly recognized in the church, nor in society in general. He lifted up the love and respect these two people had long held for each other. He prayed that they be sustained in their relationship because, unlike marriages supported by families of the bride and groom, such union services are not taken seriously by the community. Indeed, any rift in the relationship is often looked on as a good move to break up "this foolishness." The participants exchanged promises of continued caring and of their willingness to be supportive and to assist in each other's growth. And now, I thought, there will be a distasteful display of...of...of what? Probably prolonged kisses and overdone affection like I had witnessed as a pastor in a good many heterosexual marriages, creating only embarrassment. Instead, Bill and Gary simply gave each other a small hug and a smile, turned and walked back down the aisle together. I saw the parents of both men leave then, followed by the witnessing community. I sat very still as the tears ran down my face. What was ahead for these two very special people? Facing a world that would deride them, could their relation-people with much courage. Since that time, I have taken a role in quite a few union services. I have officiated when communion is requested. I have heard a man tell his partner, "Society does not understand; nevertheless, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." If ever I have felt the presence of a loving God it has been in the midst of such moments when a deep and abiding love between two people is being expressed. When will the church catch up with God's leading? Once when I was preparing a service for two women, I realized how very little I had to change the words in the ceremony I usually used for marriages. With the exception of "husband" and "wife," the focus was on trust in a relationship, on fidelity and love, on communication and support for each other. The whole turmoil over homosexuality is reflected in the story of Adam and Eve. Those two wrestled with God for power. The continuing story of humanity and the divine centers on our desire to limit God. "You may only create one model of humanity, God. Let that be like the majority of us-heterosexual." Then we sit in judgment of each other, having made our own rules. I once was in a huge aquarium. The walls formed the tanks and visitors walked up graduated ramps in the center of the building. There were fish: the skates, swimming like birds flying; there were fish that resembled miniature trees; and there were species that lay on the floor of the tank like dead stones. Why is it we can marvel at all this creativity of God in the natural world without desiring to change one bit of it? We applaud it and it delights us. But when it comes to human life we become rigid and deplore the slightest variances. God is inviting us to delight in the whole panorama of human creation.t The Rev. Peg Beissert is director ofThe Lazarus Project, a gay and lesbian ministry, at West Hollywood Presbyterian Church, Hollywood, California. • 14 Open Hands Churches Move ... Cautiously by Mark Bowman Within a month after founding the Metropolitan Community Church of Los Angeles, the Rev. Troy Perry performed the first holy union there in November, 1968. The term "holy union" is closely identified with the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC), which defmes it as a rite within its bylaws. While most other faith traditions have been slow to respond to the desires of same-gender couples to bless their committed relationships, the UFMCC has carried on this ministry within the lesbian/ gay community for many years now. The practice of same-gender union services is not a recent phenomenon in the church, however. Yale historian Dr. John Boswell has traced liturgies for same-gender marriages back to sixth-century liturgical manuals [see article in Open Hands, vol. 5, no. 2, p. 16]. These samegender weddings appear to have been commonly celebrated for several centuries. Only when European civil authorities enacted antihomosexual laws beginning in the 13th century did the church begin to rett'eat from its tradition of blessing same-gender love. S'. ome other modern faith traditions have followed the lead of the UFMCC and openly celebrated samegender commitments. The Unital'ian-Universalist Association has a national policy encouraging its J)astors and congregations to perform such services. One association leader estimates that about one-half of the denomination's 700 pastors have celebrated same-gender unions, ""and the rest haven't been asked yet." The Society of Friends has been offieially performing same-gender ""celebrations of commitmcnt" since 1981. As a decentralized church, the Friends' rite of marriage is defined by the local meetings (congregations). The University Friends Meeting in Seattle, Washington was the first to bless a lesbian couple ""under the care of the meeting." About 30 other local meetings have subsequently agrced to bless gay or lesbian ['elationships. The progression of this movement within the Friends' tradition reveals a common struggle within most other faith traditions-what do we call such acts? The initial service in 1981 in Seattle was to be called a ""marriage." However, when one member of the meeting objected, the couple eventually agreed to call their service a ""celebration of commitment." Some other meetings then defined the rite as a "'same-gender celebration of commitment." However, under pressure from some lesbian or gay couples who wanted their commitments equally recognized with those of heterosexual couples, some meetings defined the rite as ""marriage." Recognizing that the issue of naming the rite is as volatile in the lesbian/gay community (where there is also strong sentiment against ""milnicking heterosexual institutions") as it is in the church, many Fdends' meetings have decided to let the couple name the service themselves. The mainline Protestant and Roman Catholic churches have been much more cautious in their recognition of same-gender union services. The Roman Catholic Church and Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) officially prescribe sexual activity only within heterosexual marriage. The Episcopal, Presbyterian (U.S.A.), United Church of Christ, and United Methodist churches do not have explicit policies which ban samegender unions, but their traditions assume such a policy. Yet local congregations, clergy, and some judicatories are beginning to break with this tradition and bless samegender unions. Within the Episcopal Church, the Diocese of Rochester developed an official service of '"celebration and affirmation of a covenant relationship" 15 years ago. The Diocese of California has adopted a sitnilar policy and the bishops of Newark and New York have openly supported such covenanting services. Across the denominational spectrum, many clergy are coming to the conclusion that blessing lesbian or gay relationships is their only compassionate response to the church's complicity in decades, even centuries, of undermining or destroying these same committed relationships. Other clergy note that they commonly bless buildings, homes, and other human institutions; therefore, how can they not bless a loving relationship between two women or two men,? The ""reconciling" local church movements within several Protestant denominations have spawned an increasing number of congregations that joyfully celebrate the unions of their leshian or gay members. Whi,le no official national statistics are available, the UFMCC probahly celebrates over 10,000 holy unions each year and hundreds, perhaps thousands, more are perfot'med in other churches. This growing demand upon the churches hy lesbian and gay couples and the affit'mative -response of more and more clergy and congregations indicates a forthcoming change. Undoubtedly, policies about same-gender unions will be hotly debated within the larger denominations in the coming decade. Yet the eventual outcome seems clear-the compelling nature of love and covenanting in the Christian scriptur'es and tradition will lead the churches to overcome fears and myths and to celebt'ate the loving covenants oflesbians and gay men. T Mark Bowman i.5 coordinator ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program and a member ofChri.5t UMC in Washington, D.C. Fall 1990 15 The Law and the Prophets: Precedents for the Church~s Blessing ofExtra-Legal Marriages by Melvin R. Woodworth ""Will I officiate at the wedding of two women or two men?" The question of celebrating gay and lesbian weddings is not academic. Indeed, it is the issue of the day for many clergy. Yet pastors nudged by the Spirit to extend the Church's blessing to a marriage unlicensed by the state are often unaware of their authority to take such action. The notion that clerical authority to perform marriages exists only within the limits of civil law is a recent one; historically, this has not been the case. The early Christian Church was only peripherally involved in weddings. Marriage was considered a worldly institution best avoided by an ascetic faith. While priests often participated in marriage ceremonies, the regulation of contractual and physical relationships was considered to be the right and responsibility of the state. In 210 A.D. the Roman Senate legislated a change in marriage law. In order to make the greatest number of women available to men in the highest social strata, marriage between a woman and a man of lower social standing was made illegal. Pope Calixtus was outraged. Christian men were lal-gely from the lower social classes while women were often of higher social standing. Church leaders wanted members to marry within the faith, but the new Roman law made this illegal for many Christian women. Pope Calixtus, asset-ting that marriage is a Godgiven relationship between Christians, claimed the right of the church to solemnize marriages, even those violating the new law. As the centuries passed, the church claimed jurisdiction over marriage. When the Roman empire collapsed, the church made good its claim and became sole arbiter of marital matters. Tension between church and state over the control of marriage returned during the sixteenth centm'y, and in the seventeenth century the English government Antimiscegenation Laws The struggle to gain legal acceptance of lesbian/gay relationships has a parallel in the fight to repeal laws limiting interracial matTiages. Thesc antimiscegenation statutes were in force in 31 states as recently as the end of World War II. In the years which followed, churches in the U.S. played a role in theil-elimination by establishing study commissions, educating (~hurch members, and issuing statements uq,'ing the repeal or nullification of laws prohibiting interr-acial marriages. The United States SupI'eme Court refused two opportunities to address this issue, finally acting in the 1967 decision Loving v. Virginia to strike down the laws then remaining in 16 states. References: Sickels, Rohert J. , Race. Marriage. and the Law, Alhuquel'tluP: Univprsily of New Mexico Press, 1972. Washington, JosPl'h R., Jr.• Marriage in Black and White, Boston: Bt'aeon Press, 1970. made marriage a civil rather than a holy rite, claiming for itself the right to establish limits to marriage. The church, however, refused to recognize this shift of authority. In the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, marriage became a source of revenue for the crown. William and Mary required expensive licenses before a wedding could legally be performed, effectively barring most of the population from marrying. Priests responded by solemnizing marriages and granting certificates even when there was no license. During this period, the majority of English marriages were unlicensed. Many Christians of the time conceded that the state had a legitimate interest in regulating and recording marriages in order to promote the common good and provide a means of arbitrating parentage and property issues. Most, however, held that the church had as much or more authority as the state to recognize and socially authenticate a marriage. Recognizing that the very act of publicly announcing a marriage is a blessing, the church has maintained the right to make such public proclamation before God and the community of faith. Because marriage is a goal and process as well as a declared reality, the church has insisted on the right to be God's agent of blessing for marriages between Christians. Tremendous prices have been paid personally, socially, and judicially, by couples and clergy alike, when the church has recognized marriages that the civil law did not. Fear of paying a pI-ice, however, should not dissuade a pastor from solemnizing an unlicensed marriage; this pt-ice is the cost of discipleship. The Discipline ofthe United Methodist Church -1988 specifies that ""The decision to perform the ceremony [of marriage] shall be the right and responsibility of the pastor." (par 139f) Through the ages clergy have exercised this right and responsibility prophetically, bringing social change in accordance with God's will and in spite of societal criticism. Marriage between two women or two men has fallen out of practice in the church, but gay and lesbian Christians are increasingly declaring their marriages and requesting the church's formal l-ecognition of these relationships. The pastor has the right and the responsibility to grant these l'equests.~ A discussion of thf' confli!'! ht'lwef'n Pope Calixtus and the Roman marriage l'eform laws can lit' found in: Murstein, Bernarcl, Love, Sex and Marriage through the Ages, New YOl'k: Springel' Puhlishing Company, 1974, p. 9(). Lietzmann, Hans, A History ofthe Early Church, Clevf'land: World Puhlishing Company, 1953, p. 248. El'nst, Wilhelm, "Marriage as Institution and the Contemporary Challenge to It" in ContempOl'ary Pf'l'speclives on Christian Maniage, e' Richard Malone and John R. Connery, Chieago: Loyola Univt'l'sity Press, ]984, p, 59, Aclditional information about maniagf' lieenses ancl the Church's refusal to he hound hy tht'ir l'equil'ements t:an be found in Lacey, T. A., Marriage ill Chu.rch and State, London: R. Seotl, 1912. Melvin R. Woodworth is a member ofthe Pacifu: Northwest Annual Conference and pastor ofthe Redmond United Methodist Church in Redmond, Washington. 16 Open Hands Social Change: DOlllestic Partner Legislation by Donna Jones The societal equivalent of the holy union controversy in the church is the legal and legislative issue of domestic partnership. In many communities across the country, this movement is working to pt'ovide lesbian/gay couples and other I.l.domestic partners" with the same rights and privileges that married couples receive. Domestic pat'tnership is generally defined as two persons living together who are not related by blood, at'e not man-ied, are eighteen years or older, are each other's sole domestic partner, and are mutually t'esponsible for thcir common welfare. The need for domestic partner legislation becomes evident when one examines the changing demographics of the U.S. population. In 1988, pt'eliminary census data indicated that only 270/0 of the nation's 91.] million households (down from 40% in 1970) fit the traditional definition of family-heterosexual, married couple with children. Today's households are compt'ised largely of singlc parents, a stepparent Ot' pat'ents, extended families, unmarried male/ female couples, same-gendel' couples with and without childt'en, and one-person households. Since many of our society's cmployment benefits and civil pt'otections al'e based upon mat'ital or blood t'elationships, these benefits are thereby denied to the vast majOl'ity of households in our country. Some municipalities and employers aloe working to change this dispat'ity. Since 1985, there have been 12 cities which have adopted some kind of domestic pal'tner legislation: West Hollywood, Bed(e\ey, Santa Cruz, Los Angelcs, San Ft'ancisco, and Laguna Beach, all in CaLifot'nia; Takoma Pad(, Mat'yland; Madison, Wisconsin; Seattle, Washington; Ithaca, New YOl'k; New York City; and Washington, D.C. At present there al"C only two states that are considering domestic partner legislation-Illinois and New Yol'i(. The city of West Hollywood initially approved a domestic pal"tner ordinance in Febt'uary, 1985, which covet'ed pat'ental, sick, and bet'eavement leave. Later, the city added health coverage for domestic partners. West Hollywood also allows any couple who satisfies the legal requirements, even those not residing there, to ['egister as domestic partners and be officially recognized within the Fall] 990 boundaries of that city. Related benefits include guaranteed visitation rights in city jails and hospitals, and protection from housing eviction. Berkeley's ordinance, passed in 1985 and in 1987, gives medical benefits and sick and bereavement leave to city employees who are domestic partners. An affidavit is signed only for health plan"purposes and is not a matter of public record. In 1988, Madison passed an ot'dinance providing sick and bereavement leave for city employees. The city council also changed a zoning ordinance to expand the definition of family to include domestic partnet's, so that unmarried and um'elated adults with children could live together. The city is now considering laws that would extend benefits to domestic partners in public accommodations and also would provide insurance coverage for domestic partners of city employees. In the latter case, all insurance providers contacted so far have refused to provide such coverage, which is the problem many municipalities have faced. Seattle's domestic partnership journey began with a 1988 briefing paper produced by the mayor's lesbian and gay task fOl"ce, which pt'ovided background and a rationale for extending benefits to domestic pal·tners. (This briefing paper has been used throughout the country as a tool to study domcstic partner issues.) In 1989, an ordinance was passed to define domestic partnership for city employees and to provide sick and bet'eavement leave fOI: domestic partners. The city is now planning to become self-insured so that it can begin providing medical benefits. As most cities have discovered, the majority of couples initially registering fOI' domestic pat'tner benefits have been heterosexual couples. A nothet' way to obtain domestic partnet' benefits is through an employeL A small, but growing, number of employers and associations offer some fOI'm of domestic pat'tner benefits to their employees or members. As another fon11 of recognition, the Human Rights Campaign Fund (1012 14th Street, N.W., Washington, D.C. 20005) has begun a National Family Registry. While such a registr ation has no legal status, it does I"ecognize lesbian/gay families in a formal mannel: and provides data for education and lobbying cfforts on behalf of lesbian/gay families. Advances continue in this new realm of domestic partnerships. More cities are considering or enacting legislation and other jurisdictions are reexamining their current status. Local voters are deciding the fate of some cities' domestic partnet' ordinances. Having a consistent method of recognizing "'alternative families" across the country will be a slow, uphilJ battle. However, it may be the only way to obtain equitable economic and legal rights for all persons.~ Donna Jones is the co-chair ofthe Reconciling Congregation Task Force and member ofDlUnbarton UMC in Washington, DC. 17 Sustaining The Spirit There are many possibilitiesfor adapting both traditional and nontraditional rituals for use in holy unions or celebrations ofcommitment. Here we present We take the vow of fidelity, which to us means to speak the truth with love, to share life openly, to stay close to a variety ofelements which have been used in different liturgies. Also note the Resources sectionfor other ideasfor rituals. Planning a ceremony should be fun and can be a very meaningful experience ofthinking, hoping, dreaming, and even prayingfor the present and thefuture. Remember that this is a celebration! Greeting One: God has called us together here today All: As a community of family and friends-and friends who are family. One: This is an occasion of joyous community. All: Our purpose is to recognize, celebrate, and bless the working of the Holy Spirit in the lives of ___ and as they share publicly a covenant conunitment, one to the other. One: For what has heen All: We give thanks. One: For these two people All: We thank God. One: And for the possibilities that God offers All: We wait expectantly-and with joy! A Pledge reality. We take the vow of risk, to be vulnerable to a love that risks what we are for the sake of what we can become. We vow to talk, even when it is easier not to, to keep sending messages, to listen, knowing we are committed to the path, even when we do not know the way. We vow to walk in empathy and compassion. We vow to try together, to pledge this as a year of union, one ever renewable, season after season. We vow to grow together always, honoring our history, no matter what form our relationship takes. .... We vow to release the need to manufacture hardship. We vow to be happy, not to forget who we are and who we want to be. We vow to laugh in joy and in our folly. We vow to celebrate our sensuality. We vow not only to share our joys and successes, but to accept each other's mood swings, sorrows, and failures. In this, we vow to love the universe which feeds us. We vow to appoint one another the guardian and greeter of each other's times of solitude. We vow to let that which is different between us exist and be itself. With these vows, may you trust one another, trust life and not be afraid. Remember to be one another's best friend. (adapted from The Lesbian Love Advisor: The Sweet and Savory Arts of Lesbian Courtship by Celeste West.) Open Hands • 18 Response to the Word Blessed are those who are convinced of their basic dependency on God, whose lives are emptied of all that doesn't matter, those for whom the riches of the world just aren't that important. The Reign ofHeaven is theirs. Blessed are those who know that all they are is gift from God, and so they can be content with their greatness and their smallness, knowing themselves and being true to themselves. For they shall have the earth for their heritage. Blessed are those who wear compassion like a garment, those who have learned how to find themselves by losing themselves in another's sorrow. For they shall receive comfort. Blessed are those who are hungry for goodness, those who never get enough of God and truth and righteousness. For they shall be satisfzed. Blessed are the merciful, those who remember how much Blessing by the Community The union of and has called us together because it touches each one ofus. A new family is established in our midst and we all celebrate that relationship. By God)sgrace) we who are family andfriends of and offer our blessing and commit ourselves to love and support them as they grow in this Christian union. A Benediction Now let the great powers that are in you radiating from the center of your selves has been forgiven them, and are able to extend this forgiveness into the lives of others. expressing the greatness of divinity of what For they shall receive God's mercy. you are Blessed are those whose hearts aloe free and simple, those dance in the rhythm between you who have smashed all false images and are seeking honestly for truth. of divine-human power For they shall see God. and create beauty Blessed are the creators of peace, those who build roads that unite rather than walls that divide, those who bless the to enrich your lives world with the healing power of their presence. For they shall be called children ofGod. and enrich the life of this community Blessed are those whose love has been tried, like gold, in the and enrich the whole of life. furnace and found to be precious, genuine, and lasting, those who have lived their belief out loud, no matter what the cost or pain. For theirs is the Realm ofHeaven. (from Seasons ofthe Heart, Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB) Fall 1990 19 Resources LESBIAN/GAY RELATIONSHIPS Athey, Phyllis Jean Kinheart and Mary Jo Kinheart Osterman. The Lesbian Relationship Handbook. Evanston, Ill.: Kinheart, Inc., 1984. Berzon, Betty. Pennanent Partners. New York: Plume Books, 1988. Clunist, D. Merilee and G. Dorsey Green. Lesbian Couples. Seattle, Wash.: Seal Press, 1988. Isensen, Rik. Love Between MenEnhancing Intimacy and Keeping Your Relationship Alive. Prentiss Hall Press, 1990. Marcus, Eric. The Male Couple's Guide to Living Together. New York: Harper & Row, 1988. Tessina, Tina. Gay Relationships. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1989. West, Celeste. A Lesbian Love Advisor: The Sweet and Savory Arts of Lesbian Courtship. San Francisco, The Cleis Press, 1989. All ofthese books give helpful advice for keeping and enjoying relationships. They include advice on courting, communication,family relationships, financial planning, and sex. Some include examples of liturgies or hints for planning a commitment service. LITURGIES &UNIONS Board of Church and Society. Christian Social Action. October 1990 (special issue on holy unions.) 100 Maryland Avenue, N.E., Washington, D.C. 20002. • Butler, Becky. Ceremonies of the Heart-Celebrating Lesbian Unions. Seattle, Wash.: The Seal Press, 1990. • Uhrig, Rev. Larry J. The Two of Us. Boston: Alyson Publication, Inc., 1984. • Unitarian Universalist Association, Office for Lesbian and Gay Concerns. A Planning Guide for Same-sex Services of Union. $3.00. Order from UUA, 25 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108. 6171742-2100. Williams, Robert. ""Toward a Theology for Lesbian and Gay Marriage." The Anglican Theological Review. vol. LXXII, no. 2, Spring 1990. Women's Ordination Conference. Liberating Liturgies, A Collection of Women's Litw·gical Celebrations. 1981. Order from P.O. Box 2693, Fairfax Circle Center, 9653 Lee Highway, Fairfax, VA 22031. The special issue of Christian Social Action explores issues regarding • holy unions from a mainline church • perspective. Uhrig talks about relationships and commitment service planningfrom his experience as an MCC pastor. Liberating Lituq,'ies • provides liturgies ofall kinds, especially designed for women. Butler brings us the stories ofseveral lesbian couples and their unions and includes some oftheir liturgies. The UUA guide practically discusses pre• paringfor a service, gives 9 sample services, and a partnership contract. Williams provides some theological basis for lesbian/gay marriage in the Anglican tradition. LEGAL ISSUES AND DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP Curry, Hayden and Denis Clifford. A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples. Berkeley, Calif.: Nolo Press Self-help Law, 1989. Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund. Domestic Partnership Issues and Legislation. 1990. 666 Broadway, New York, NY 10012. Curry and Clifford present the legal issues facing gay and lesbian couples in a concise, easy to understandformat and give many examples ofsimple legal documents that can be utilized. Lambda's resource is a wealth ofinformation as ofJuly, 1990, and includes copies ofordinances passed in many ofthe cities. OTHER RESOURCES The Lesbian and Gay National Family Registry, Human Rights Campaign Fund, 1012 14th Street, NW, 6th Floor, Washington, DC 20002. Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, Inc., 666 Broadway, New York, NY, 10012. • 20 Open Hands Letters A Biblical Stumbling Block? Through the past few years, I have found Open Hands both helpful and informative. Especially, I have appreciated the sharing that many have done regarding their lives and the obstacles and transitions which have marked their passage in life. They are brave and commendable people! I have come upon the homolhetero debate late, and have stumbled along, wrestling with various past and present experiences. I began, frightened of homosexuality, then realized that homolheterosexuality is more an appearance of chance than anything else: like being born male or female.... For me, logic and scientific evaluation had eliminated any reason to separate homosexuals from heterosexuals in human society. [But] I was still stumbling over theological and biblical issues. Biblically, a distinct line is drawn, homosexuals were out, heterosexuals were in. The biblical exegesis of the pro-homosexuals is unconvincing at best, misleading at worst. One author, arguing on some other subject, suggested, "ignore the biblical passages that are obstacles, just as we have always done." He held a lot of wisdom in this suggestion. Through the centuries we have dropped, ignored and otherwise abrogated passages that have been obstacles. A classic example is the fourth commandment. Recently, I had a ""break-through" of my own. Writing an apology for my position, suppol·tive of homosexu.. als, in referring to the biblical passages condemning (at least in modern interpretation) homosexuality, I suggested that the authors wrote from their understanding, they did not know that at least ten percent of humanity is homosexual, that it is an orientation of the person and not a chosen manner of life. Mter I wrote that, I began to think of many passages in the Bible, which reflected the author's understanding, which we no longer understand in that manner. The Fall 1990 three-tiered universe of the early books of the Bible, the lesser position of women in society, etc., have given way to our present understanding of creation, sexuality, and human society. These writers, like ourselves, spoke from their understanding of the world as we do today. The key lies in their experience of God which redirected their lives. References to the world in which they lived which sometimes differs from our understanding does not change their witness. The biblical and theological obstacles, for me, were removed. I have been shal'ing my journey with fellow ministers, and thought maybe you would find it useful for Open Hands. Rev. Robert Simison Wiehita, Kansas Seminarian Connections I am writing as a UM repl'esentative of a b'TOUP at Union Theological Seminary (NY) working for changes in denominational policies regarding the ordination of lesbians and gay men. This group is based on the assertion that we, as seminarians, have an important voice in our churches, being the future of the church in America. Given Union's reputation as the liberal seminary of all liberal seminaries, we recognize that our voice alone can easily be dismissed as a minority voice coming out of a radical school. For this reason, we are concentrating our efforts this year toward reaching other schools and organizations. What I ask for, first and foremost, is your support.. .. Fighting the system, as you are no doubt aware, can be a daunting task, and solidarity is important. Your prayers and simply your verbal recognition of our efforts would be incredibly meaningful to us hf're. But on a mOl'e concrete level, we need contacts. We are working...on building contacts with other seminaries as well as with denominational and ecumenical organizations concerned with this issue. While personal contacts at other seminaries are helpful, they are by no means exhaustive. If you have information, therefore, about gay and lesbian groups at other seminaries or about any other groups working for gay and lesbian ordination, we would love to know how to get in contact with them. I understand that contacts of this nature can be extremely sensitive, particularly in the case of a denomination that does not ordain "practicing" homosexuals. Bearing that in mind, I can only assure you that we will do our best to maintain the privacy of our contacts and trust your judgement regarding the people to whom you refer us. James Wyatt 600 W. 122nd Street, #603 New York, NY 10027 [Editors' note: A conferencefor gay, lesbian, and bisexual seminarians is plannedfor February 15-17, 1991 at Episcopal Divinity School in Cambridge, Massachusetts. For information, contact Michael Musolf, 99 Brattle Street, Box 30, Cambridge, MA 02138.J Open Hands in Prison I have appreciated receiving Open Hands during the past year and wish to continue receiving it. However, I am incarcerated and have limited funds. I am enclosing as check for $10 in hopes that you will find that sufficient to continue me as a subscriber. I share my copies with several other men and we have used them as a resource for a monthly gathering of gay men for Bible study and support. Thanks for your resources and support. Michael R. Miller Avenel, New Jersey Your comments about Open Hands and thoughts you wish to share with other readers are most welcome. Send your letter to: Open Hands, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, D.C. 20026. 21 Rep Report New Reconciling UMC Commission The General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns passed a resolution at its October meeting declaring itself to be a "Reconciling Commission." This is the first time an official UMC national body has proclaimed its "openness to the full participation of all people, including lesbians and gay men, in its life and work." One of the commission members, Rev. Patricia Farris, attended the February 1990 convocation of Reconciling Congregations. Her passionate report to the commission's April meeting resulted in a growing sentiment that the 40-member commission become "reconciling." A committee was appointed at that mC'l~ting to draft a statement that would c1eclare the commission's intent without conflicting with the UMC law which bans funding national agencies which "promote the acceptance of homosexuality. " The resolution "On Becoming a Reconciling Commission" was adopted with 2 abstentions and no negative votes. The text of the resolution is printed on page 24 below. NINETY-TWO IN:9~ The Board of Directors of the RCP has launched an evangelism campaign-92 in '92-which intends to double the number of Reconciling Congregations from the current 46 in the next two years. The campaign builds upon what is already happening in the RC movement across the country. Several Reconciling Congregations are already reaching out to other prospec• 22 tive RCs in their communities. Because of the widespread media attention related to "holy unions" and Reconciling Conferences this spring and summer, the number of inquiries to the national office has increased dramatically. "We are launching a major evangelism campaign," said Rev. Kim Alice Smith, chair of the Board and pastor of Bethany UMC in San Francisco. "We think it is critical that other congregations hear the stories of new life and revitalization in Reconciling Congregations and that these congregations be invited to join our growing movement." As a first step in this campaign, information about prospective Res is being gathered from friends around the country. These prospective RCs will then be linked up with either a nearby RC or an "RC Evangelist" to provide ongoing nurture and cultivation of the RCP in that congregation. Ifyou have information on a prospective RC or are intet"ested in being an "RC Evangelist," contact the national RCP office. St. Francis in the Foothills Named as UMC "Vital Congregation" St. Francis in the Foothills UMC , a Reconciling Congregation in Tucson, Arizona, has been named one of the UMC's "Vital Congregations." St. Francis is one of only five UMC congregations across the country to receive such recognition as part of the Council of Bishops Initiative, "Vital Congregations = Faithful Disciples. " St. Francis and the other Vital Congregations were honored at "The Gathering," an international event which drew thousands of United Methodists to Fort Worth at the end of October. This event also featured the premiere showing of a videotape about St. Francis and the other Vital Congregations. St. Francis was chosen from a large pool of congregations that were nominated by their bishops. Final selection was made by the staff of the General Board of Discipleship. Congratulations to the congregation of St. Francis in the Foothills on this honor and for its forthright witness to its ministry with lesbians and gay men. United Church of Canada Affirms Ordination Policy The General Council of the United Church of Canada voted to reaffirm its policy that all members, "regardless of sexual orientation," are eligible to be ordained as clergy. This policy was first adopted by the General Council in 1988. Opponents of the policy, led by a group called the Community of Concern, subsequently mounted efforts to have it rescinded at the next meeting of the General Council which was in August, 1990. However, the policy was strongly reaffirmed with the support of 80% of the commissioners voting. Mfirm, the lesbian/gay organization in the United Church, called on the denomination to move forward in implementing this policy. "Because of the controversial nature of the original report, the church has been reluctant to act on it," stated Bill Siksay, Mfirm spokesperson. "'Now with this clear vote of reaffirmation we call upon the "lmited Chlll"ch to take action on the ordination of qualified lesbians and gay men." The United Church of Canada, with two million members, is the largest Protestant denomination in Canada. It is also the largest Christian church to adopt an official policy allowing the ordination of lesbians and gay men. Open Hands Does Cokesbury Exclude Gay/ Lesbian Books? Allegations that Cokesbury, the official UMC book distributor, excludes books by lesbian/gay Christian authors have been made by Chris Glaser, Presbyterian gay writer. According to a story in More Light Update (the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns), Glaser anticipated that his book Come Home, recently published by Harper & Row, would be listed in the Cokesbury catalog. However, the book was not included in the catalog and Harper & Row's efforts to get an explanation were not satisfied by Cokesbury, according to Glaser. In a letter to More Light Update, Cokesbury spokesperson, Marc Lewis, writes that Glaser's book, Come Home, was omitted from the Good Books Catalog, ""due to lack of demand." However, he also indicates that Glaser's forthcoming book, Coming Out to God, will be listed in the Spring 1991 catalog. Regarding Cokesbury policy, Lewis writes that Glaser's book ""clearly advocates a lifestyle that is contrary to the Discipline of the United Methodist Church. Books on controversial subjects are, however, always considered for presentation to our market." Lewis was unavailable for r:omment in response to Open Hands ' calls requesting a clarification of Cokesbury policy and why the Good Books Catalog has generally not listed books by lesbian/gay authors. Cokesbury is the largest distributor of religious books within the UMC and other mainline Protestant denominations. Books are chosen for its Good Books Catalog by a national advisory group. Cokesbury stores actually carry a much wider selection of books, with local store managers determining additional books to supplement those in the catalog. Therefore, some Cokesbury stores do carry books by John Boswell, Virginia Mollenkott, Carter Heyward, Malcolm Boyd, and other well-known lesbian/gay Christian writers. Fall 1990 "Reconciling" Program Leaders in Different Denominations Meet A first-tilne gathering of leaders of the lesbian/gay-affirming local church programs in five denominations took place October 26-28, 1990, in Chicago. The meeting involved leaders of the More Light (Presbyterian, U.S.A.), Open and Mfirming (United Church of Christ), Reconciling Congregation (United Methodist), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming Congregation (Unitarian-Universalist) programs. Together these programs represent 200 congregations that have made public statements that they welcome lesbians and gay men. The meeting was intended to allow the different program leaders to learn more about what was happening in other denominations and to talk about opportunities for cooperative efforts. Several areas for cooperation and mutual support were identified: -continuecl promotion and utilization of each other's resources; -development of a joint bibliography and other print and video educational resources; -designation of a nationwide interdenominational ""Reconciling Day of Worship" in 1992; -a future national assembly of all local churches that officially welcome lesbians and gay men. A significant topic of discussion during the weekc~nd was the possibility of collaboration in the publication of Open Hands. The four mainline Protestant programs were very interested in the idea of making this magazine an interdenominational venture. A proposal is being prepared for discussion and review by the various programs in the coming months. All nine persons present agreed that the weekend was inspiring and informative and decided to meet again in November, 1991. UMC Study Committee Completes Listening Posts The UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality recently completed a series of ""listening posts," or field hearings around the country. These six gatherings were intended to allow UM individuals and congregations to give input to committee members as they begin to prepare their report for the 1992 General Conference. The number of persons who testified at these hearings ranged from 25 at one to 48 at another, totalling over 200 persons. Unofficial reports indicate that the percentage of the testimony that affirmed full participation of lesbians and gay men in the church ranged from 95% in the Northeast to 70% in the South Central and Southeastern jurisdictions. The listening posts revealed the faithful witness of Reconciling Congregations on issues related to lesbians and gay men. Members of at least 19 different RCs testified at listening posts around the country. The full study committee received reports from the various listening posts during its November 1990 meeting. First drafts of its report were reviewed at that time. The committee's intention is to report to the general church the points of agreement and disagreement on homosexuality that members have found in the areas of theology, biblical studies, ethics, and science. Furthermore, it will suggest what the church can responsibly teach about homosexuality and the implications of its study for the policies of the denomination. The committee will meet again January 31 to February 3, 1991, to continue its writing and will present its final report to the General Council on Ministries at a September 12-15, 1991, meeting in Dayton, Ohio. Results of Survey of Lesbian/Gay Couples Partners, a national newsletter for gay & lt~sbian couples, has released the results of its national surve)' of 1,266 lesbian and gay couples. This survey, conducted from 1988-89, is one of the largest surveys of its kind. The survey, which is cited in the article on page 4 above, can be helpful in many educational settings and provides information about lesbians and gay men that dispels many myths and stereotypes. A copy of the survey and full n~port can be obtained for $3.95, from Partners, P.O. Box 9685, Seattle, Washington 98109. 23 Reconciling Congregations ARIZONA Tucson St. Francis in the Foothils CALIFORNIA Albany Albany UMC Berkeley Trinity UMC Fresno WesleyUMC Los Angeles United University Wilshire UMC Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC San Francisco Bethany UMC Calvary UMC Hamilton UMC Trinity UMC Santa Monica Church in Ocean Park Vacaville St. Paul's UMC West HoUywood Crescent Heights UMC COLORADO Denver St. Paul's UMC DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington Christ UMC Dumbarton UMC GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albany Park UMC Irving Park UMC United Church of Rogers Park DeKalb University UMC Evanston Hemenway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC KANSAS Mission ecumenikos LOUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC MARYLAND Baltimore S1. John's UMC MINNESOTA Minneapolis Prospect Park UMC Walker Community UMC Wesley UMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC NEW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC New York Metropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC OHIO Toledo Central UMC OREGON Estacada Estacada UMC Portland Mctanoia Peace Community PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC Fi.'st UMC of Ge.'mantown TENNESSEE Nashville Edgehill UMC WASHINGTON Seattle Capitol Hill UMC Wallingford UMC WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC RECONCILING CONFERENCES California-Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy RECONCILING COMMISSION General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns RECONCILING ORGANIZATION Methodist Fede.'ation for Social Action On Becoming A Reconciling Commission The General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns October 16, 1990 RESOLUTION Whereas, the purpose of the General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns is "to advocate and work towards the full reception of the gift of Christian unity in every aspect of the Church's life and to foster approaches to ministry and mission which more fully reflect the oneness of Christ's Church in the human community" (par, 2002, 1988 Book of Discipline); and Whereas, the Constitution of the United Methodist Church sets forth as our position on ecumenical relations, that "The United Methodist Church believes that the Lord of the Church is calling Christians everywhere to strive toward unity, and therefore it will seek, and work for, unity at all levels of church life"," (par, 5, 1988 Book ofDiscipline); and Whereas, the General Confer~nce in 1988 adopted the Consultation on Church Union Consensus, recognizing the apostolic understanding that baptism with water effects or signifies the union of the one baptized with Christ, and in Christ with all members of his body, and thus is our basic bond of unity; and Whereas, on the basis of our unity in Baptism, The United Methodist Church has committed itself "to be in ministry for and with all persons" (Par, 7lF, 1988 Book ofDiscipline); and Whereas, the Consultation on Church Union Consensus ~ets forth our conviction that members of the Church fail as Christ's amhassadors in reconciling the world to God if we have not heen reconciled to one another; and Whereas, baptized members of the United Methodist Church who are gay men and lesbians are often denied full inclusion in the life of the church; and Whereas, some United Methodist congregations, as a visible sign of the unity God has given, have become Reconciling Congregations to declare their inclusion of gay men and lesbians as full participants in the life of their congregations; and Whereas, the General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns recognizes the action of these congregations as expt'essive of our purpose within the United Methodist Church and its ecumenical relations; and Whereas, becoming a Reconciling Commission will affirm that humanity dividing issues will not be allowed to be church dividing issues; and Whereas, the General Commission on Christian Unity and IntelTeligious Concerns has the ecumenical responsibility to work for unity in the church and renewal of the wholeness in creation (Eph, 1:10), Therefore be it resolved: That, acknowledging that we as members of the General Commission on Christian Unity and IntelTeligious Concerns hold diverse opinions regarding homosexuality and the Christian faith, and recognizing our own need for learning and growth, we affirm that through Baptism God has made us members of one Body in Christ and this is our hasic bond of unity; and That, the General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns proclaims itself to be a Reconeiling Commission, dedicated to openness to the full participation of all people, including gay men and leshians, in its life and work; and encourages respect, dialogue, witness, learning, and growth in mutual compassion toward that unity, 24 Open Hands Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 6 No 2 - Confronted By Love: The "Holy Union" Controversy https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/4e8aa9ae3149b1efecf1d99186dad28b.pdf 3db310b6fa8383f96c61d66945b20518 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 6 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1990 Table of Contents The table of contents of the issue Summer Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine . ? If·lS to yours. . .. zt lS, gzve me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 6 No. 1 Summer 1990 Telling Our Stories Ministries of Inclusiveness - Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and .."ho welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congrega tion. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program p.o. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 2021863-1586 Vol. 6 No. 1 Summer 1990 ----~-----------------------------------------Reconciling Ministries: Including, Evangelizing, Leading ..... .... . 4 Kim A. Smith Reconciling Congregations in Profile . ...... . .... ......... .... ... . 7 Margarita 1. Will Breaking Out of the Large Church Mold ......... . ......... .. ... .. 8 Irene Morrissey Our Journey: From Fear to Inclusion ..... .... ... .... .. ..... . .....9 Charles Anderson Taking a Stand in a Small Town . ... ......... ............ . ... . ... 11 Margie Sims "We All Belong Together" ........ .. ....... ....... ..... . .... .... 12 Bradley Rymph Growing in Faith and Numbers ... ..... .. ...... 17 Dale McCurdy Witnessing to My Faith ...... ....... ... . ...... . . . .......... .. ... 18 Sylvia Bouton Resources .. ....... ....... .............. . ....... .... ..... .. .. . . 14 Resources for Reconciling Ministries Planning a Study Series Making a Presentation Sustaining the Spirit . ........ .. ....... . ... ..... ................20 Letters ..................... . .... ....... .. . ... . .... ..... ..... .. 21 R CP Report ........... . ... .... ... ........... .. ......... ... ....22 Reconciling Ministries: Including, Witnessing to My Faith ....... 18 Evangelizing, Leading ........ .4 2 Open Hands Telling Our Stories: Ministries of Inclusiveness Storytelling lies at the heart of our Christian faith. Our foremothers and forefathers passed on wondrous stories of God's saving acts in history. Jesus used stories to illustrate his proclamation of God's Word. The stories told by Jesus' followers represented Jesus' life, death, and resurrection as God's redemptive act. Participants in the second national gathering of Reconciling Congregations last February recounted and told stories. In fact, most participants stated that sharing stories with members of other Reconciling Congregations was the most valuable part of the weekend. Storytelling is a vital part of our national movement affirming local church ministries with lesbians and gay men. A story is a vehicle through which we convey our understanding of truth-how we understand the world around us and God's activity in that world. When we listen to the stories of other persons, we begin to get a larger picture of that truth. Hearing the stories of congregations in our reconciling movement allows us to discern how God's Spirit is at work in our movement. This issue of Open Hands presents stories of many Reconciling Congregations. Woven through these stories are a series of messages that depict the state of our movement within the United Methodist Church and other mainline denominations. We hear that our movement is growing rapidly. Our movement is increasingly representative of our church and society: urban and rural churches; small and large churches; churches that are racially and ethnically diverse. Our movement is engaged in inclusive ministries beyond just lesbian/gay concerns. God's Spirit is at work transforming the lives of individuals and communities through the ministry of reconciliation. For those of you who are already engaged in this interdenominational movement, this issue of Open Hands provides you with a larger picture of where our movement is today and some insights into where we are going. You will also find tools for evangelism-practical suggestions for proclaiming the good news of our movement to others. For others who are interested in this movement, this issue provides some practical resources and ideas to assist you and your congregation in grappling with issues of reconciliation with lesbians and gay men. You are invited to use these resources to become an active participant in God's reconciling movement. ~ Next Issue's Theme: Holy Unions: Blessing Lesbian/Gay Relationships Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph Editorial Assistant Van Dixon Graphic Design Supon Design Group Open BlWds is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1990 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Summer 1990 3 . Reconciling Ministries: Including, Evangelizing, Leading by Kim A. Smith d d that didn't ask h I've atten e h "It's the first churc "ys a single mot er, h band was, sa .. ' 10 me where my us B th ny after VISltmg over . . taV at e a decldmg to s . . . S' n FrancIsco. , . churches m a b' t for Fillpmos , t n easy SlL Jec . h "Homosexuali~7 lS no a la leader, the patnarc to talk about, con~eysw~ m~ke up 20% of our of an extended fa~1l1y" t what if one of my, sons hurch membershIP· B,u, l' gay? I want hlm to c h ame lS' . [ages 7 and 11 at t e h he knows that he lS groW up in a church ; ;r;onsider raisi~g. my s~ns welcome and accepte . of my mmlStry. d Christians to be pa,rt did not feel as goo . God If my sons ot be servmgld n wou d" loved and accepte . h here there are no . "My friend attends a c7:~~ re~tes one of our ~emor children or young peo)l h that about two-thlrds of members. "When I te ~: a e of 40, she gets our members are under t ;u do it,) she asks. ~ tears in her eyes. (Ho~ ~:~t to consider becommg tell her that her churc , , " 'l' g Congregatwn . a ReconCl m There is no universal formula to being a Reconciling Congregation (RC) within the United Methodist Church. More than likely, the members of any R C are not a homogeneous group of people, nor are all the congregations themselves alike. The same is true of the parallel movements in other mainline Protestant denominations. Whether a congregation calls itself More Light (Presbyterian), Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ or Christian Church-Disciples of Christ), or Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist), it is certain to include a beautifully diverse assortment of people. And it is also certain to have its own image of its role in the witness and ministry of Christ's gospel. Yet each of these congregations-no matter what its denomination, location, or individual makeup-shares one common commitment: to strive for an inclusiveness that welcomes all persons into their faith communities and to practice reconciling ministries wherever the Spirit may lead. As members of these congregations, we are a people who have moved (or are moving) beyond the basic question of merely accepting lesbian and gay members. Instead, we ask whether we can exclude anyone from our local church's ministry. We know that there are many groups of people who have often been excluded from the life of the church-not just gay men and lesbians but also people of color, children, and women. Probably none of our congregations has perfected inclusiveness. But I trust that we at least struggle with inclusiveness as an issue of justice, and as the cutting edge for the life of our communities. : 4 We are also a people who work for justice and peace in many ways and on many levels. When I review the newsletters I receive from several Reconciling Congregations, I am struck at the level of concern and activity among even the smallest churches. (A statistical profile of Reconciling Congregations responding to a national survey is offered by Margarita I. Will on page 7.) Congregations engaged in reconciling ministries often become models as churches that practice prophetic service and witness in their communities and for their denominations. Several pastors in the California-Nevada Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church have expressed admiration of the "courage" of Bethany, the church I serve as pastor, to be an active Reconciling Congregation. By our very being, we challenge the UMC to reflect not only on its policies and practices around homosexuality, but also on the hard questions of inclusion and exclusion, the outreach of God's love, and the way we reflect God's creation. We seem to confront the system whether we do so directly or not (and often whether we want to or not!). A former parishioner of mine calls this "being a tree in the road." She notes that in rural areas the routes of even major roads are modified in order to accommodate large and old trees, because the presence of the tree is so valuable. The road is built around the tree! Our congregations continue to be trees in the road. By our existence, we cause the way to be altered or moved. A II these congregations are a distinctive and specific expression of Christian community. By definition, we are congregations that intentionally include gay men and lesbians in all aspects of our ministries. In this way, we have decided to define ourselves by the relationships we invite, encourage, nourish, and celebrate. This includes relationships not only with lesbians and gay men but with all persons Open Hands who seek an open and loving Christian fellowship. The life we share is determined by the relationships we keep. In his book The Bible Makes Sense, theologian Walter Brueggemann offers an unusual perspective about relationships in the faith community. He frames his discussion within the concepts of death and life. He writes: The Bible has notions of life and death which are very different from those we have today . . . The Bible understands life and death in covenantal categories. Life means to be significantly involved in a community of caring, meaning and action, while death means to be excluded from such a community or denied access to its caring, meaning and action. A German scholar, Jungel, has recently shown that life in the Bible means relatedness. Conversely death is to be unrelated. [Now] this is a two-sided issue. On the one hand, life is a task. It is work which is assigned to a community and which the community must intentionally undertake. The other side is that life is a free gift. It is pure gift. It is new life in renewed relations. It is the continuing task of maturing for every faith community to embrace both realities that life is task and that life is free gift.! To invite, create, and celebrate relationships is to invite life itself. As I reflect on Brueggemann's ideas, I begin to substitute "reconciliation" for "life." Reconciliation is a relationship, seeking to be in honest, open, and caring affiliation with another. To be engaged in reconciling ministries means to offer a place where such relationships can be developed-to be significantly involved in a practicing community of caring, meaning, and actionwhile fighting the death of being excluded from such a community or denied access to its caring, meaning, and action. Reconciliation and its practice are both a gift Summer 1990 and a task. The ministries we ordain and pursue under the umbrella of reconciliation are both a task and gift. An examination of our tasks and gifts is a ,..,ay of looking at where we are going. One of our tasks as a reconciling people is continuing to make connections and build networks. We can expand our alliances with other movements and communities that are formulated around • spirituality linked with justice. This can mean, for exam-. pIe, working with local congregations that belong to parallel programs in other denominations. Many local churches are the only congregation in their denominational program in their judicatory, lending a sense of isolation and loneliness. But when we think of these other churches as travelers on the same path, then we are no longer the only one! Reaching out to other churches with a similar affinity is an absolute necessity. What's more, building common ministries, including worship services and outreach programs, can only strengthen our ministries. We must also reach out to other spiritually based communities, not defined as Christian or as a church. In San Francisco, we find it vital to encourage strong relationships with the gay/lesbian community. Long before churches got involved, members of this community and those who were becoming the "AIDS community" were caring for people with AIDS (PWAs) and their families. Churches are often relative newcomers to the AIDS crisis. At Bethany, I must acknowledge that I • have much to learn about ministry with PWAs from members of the lesbian and gay community, who have become expert caregivers. It is they who, from the begin-• ning, were bringing the good news of healing, hope, and . love to PWAs. I am reminded of the story of the Samaritan woman at the well, who, in the Gospel of John, is the first person to tell non-Jews about Jesus the Christ. She is an outcast: a woman, a Samaritan, a person judged morally • unacceptable to the community. She is an outsider, yet she is the one who recognizes Jesus as the Christ and shares this good news with the very ones who have rejected her. The one on the outside instructs and invites those on the inside to a new relationship with God. Many on the outside of the church can teach us about the love of God and humankind. Communities and movements that come to mind include the gay/lesbian community, the recovery movement, the feminist movement, and other movements of liberation. It is essential that we build good, mutual relationships with these communities and movements. T he story of the Samaritan woman also reminds me that it is our job to share the good news of Jesus' love and healing for all people. It is time for us to proclaim ourselves as evangelists and reclaim 5 the field of evangelism. In recent decades, the term evangelistic has, for many, become synonymous with conservative. I balk at this analogy. Theologically, I may be classified as liberal or progressive, but I am also evangelistic. Evangelism has everything to do with proclaiming God's love for all and little to do with a particular theological stance. Congregations engaged in reconciling ministries may claim their roles as evangelists by offering to help other congregations in the process of discussion and study leading to a decision to publicly • join their movements. Bethany is currently targeting several local United Methodist churches that seem to be potential Reconciling Congregations, writing to encourage their leadership to consider the RC program, as well as offering help with speakers, seminars, etc. Local RCs can become evangelists for the movement by working for their annual conference to become a Reconciling Conference, and congregations in other denominations often can undertake similar witnesses in their • jurisdictions. The future of the various congregational programs in our multidenominational movement will be stronger as we develop, encourage, and invest in lay-led ministries. Each of us in the Church is a minister by virtue of our baptism and/or membership. Some of us choose to become ordained pastors, but the true ministers of a congregation are all those who are active in the life and mission of the local church. In the United Methodist Church, Reconciling Congregations will be less vulnerable to the whims of the appointment system if their lay leadership is skilled and strong. In congregations of any denomination, programs will remain more stable through pastoral changes if lay leadership is predominant. In addition, our journey as congregations working toward reconciliation must include strategic planning. On the local church level, our congregations can include support for their denominational program (Reconciling Congregation, More Light, or whatever) as one element in our goals and objectives. On the national level, we must continue to target where we want to go and the best ways for getting there. As each of our programs develops as an independent organization, specific and strategic goals and objectives will be essential to keep alive our mission. Finally, we must remember that reconciliation is a free gift, shared by God and with one another. The late theology professor Joseph Weber wrote that reconciliation is not something deserved or earned but is the movelTlent of God. "Our reconciliation to God," he said, "has given us back our genuine humanity as children of God. Reconciliation is an objective, effective, divine change of reality."2 These free and loving gifts are many. In particular, I can think of two "gifts" that are shared with congregations engaged in reconciling ministries as we move into the future. The first gift is the presence of the Holy Spirit. Yes, the Holy Spirit! As we struggle to pay bills, keep up attendance, and address the issues that face us, it is easy to forget that the Spirit is with our congregations and our movement, guiding us, uplifting us, and inspiring us. But how do we know where the Spirit is leading us? In the Gospel of John, Jesus ties the evidence of the Spirit's presence and guidance to the love we share with one another and the world. The Holy Spirit is manifested where love and acceptance, not exclusion, is practiced. Who is coming through our doors? Who is here? Who is seeking spiritual community with us? If we look at who is coming to our churches for our ministry, then we can see where the Spirit is leading us. The movement of the Spirit is evidenced by the people God sends to us. Yes, I believe God sends us people. Each person is a gift of the Spirit. The needs, dreams, and desires of people who are currently friends and members, and those yet to come, can guide us in our ministry. The people who come through our doors are gifts from God, who indicate for us the direction of our mission and ministry. A second gift comes from the pronouncements on community that Jesus shares in the Beatitudes. The sermon focuses on the various ways of being "blessed." The word that Jesus uses is makarios, which means more than blessed. Makanos was a term used to describe a joy that is internal, that is based in the very core of an individual person. It is a joy that is completely independent of al the changes and chances of life. Therefore, a more accurate translation might be: "the joy of being a peacemaker" or "the joy of humility." This frames an important question: "What brings us our joy?" Another way of stating this question is "Where are we blessed and how can we be a blessing?" or "As a community, where is our passion, and how will we express it in ministry?" If our movement is to stay alive and vital, we must continually ask ourselves these questions. Such queries keep before us our mission. The responses we make to these questions can provide both a touchstone of reality and a sense of vision. What a gift to be able to follow our passions and to focus on ministries that bring us great joy! The greatest gift we have, as individuals and as a movement, also brings with it a task. This important gift is our power: the power of our being, the power of our faith, the power of our faithfulness. Before he died from AIDS, longtime Affirmation leader 4le Loder wrote: "The greatest power we have is the power to decide to whom we will give the power to define who we are."3 Who will have the power to define who we arethat is, who will have the power over our life as a movement, over the life of each of our congregations, over our individual lives? It is WE who have that power, and how we utilize that power will determine the future of the movement of congregations of any denomination as they commit themselves to the quest of reconciling ministries . .. Notes 1. Walter Brueggemann. The Bible Makes Sense (Louisville, Ky: Westminster/John Knox, 1977). 2. Joseph Weber, "Reconciliation Rediscovered," Manna for the Journey I, no. I (985), p. 9. 3. Lyle Loder, paraphrasing Peggy Way in an address to the United Methodist National Consultation on AIDS Ministries, November 12-15, 1987. Excerpt printed in "Choosing Life with Power," Open Hands, Summer 1988, p. 7. Kim A. Smith is pastor of Bethany UMC in San Francisco and chair of the Board of Directors of the Reconciling Congregation Program. Open Hands 6 Reconciling Congregations in Proflle by Margarita I. Will If you have just become a Reconciling Congregation, you are probably wondering what lies in your future. If you are considering becoming a Reconciling Congregation, what can you anticipate and when? Or if you have taken this stand for five years, what has actually happened? To begin to answer these and other questions, a questionnaire was distributed to all 43 RCs in February. Answers from 29 churches have been received, a 62% return. We concentrated on getting responses from the 15 Reconciling Congregations that made their decision prior to 1986 and received replies from 12 of them. These we compared with newer RCs. Observations reported here reflect the information we received. I f a Reconciling Congregation had been previously involved in lesbian/gay issues, it continued to be so involved. If it had just become interested as it decided to become an RC, it has taken two or more years for significant changes to occur. Most RCs are churches with smaller memberships (40 to 330 average attendance, one with only 15). However, a few larger congregations of 500 to 1200 members have recently become RCs (see articles on pages 8-10. Size is not necessarily a determinant of effectiveness. Even a small congregation (attendance of 15 to 25) can have a strong impact in its commllllity and annual conference. All responding churches are actively involved in a wide range of social justice issues and have been for some time. Human rights, South Africa, peace, and Central America (including sanctuary) have received major attention, with the homeless and the hungry topping the list. Ministries to persons living with AIDS have increased and taken a larger proportion of people's time in several churches. Overall, the survey shows continuity of interest in all social areas, with an increase in gay/lesbian concerns in most cases. Many of the congregations that are actively involved • with societal problems reported a growing percentage of · younger members with 35% to 75% of their present : membership being in the 20-to 40-year-old range. This : increase has included YOllllger singles, couples, and • families with yOllllg children. Most congregations re• porting did not seem to feel this was due primarily to • being an RC. Two active churches reported that 60% of • the congregation was over 60 years of age. Only two con• gregations reported that a few of the long-time members • had left their churches. Most of the reporting congregations have been in dia• logue with other United Methodist churches and with • other denominations about their becoming RCs. Newer • Res reported that contact with other RCs was helpful in • their own decision-making process. Dialogue undertaken with churches strongly opposed • to the RC position hasn't seemed to change many opin• ions but is still helpful. Wallingford Church in Seattle • reported, "Results [from such discussions] were mixed, • but most participants felt that the dialogue enhanced • Summer 1990 mutual understanding and sharpened the issues involved." When asked " Have you experienced hostility from annual conference leaders? ," most congregations said no (17 of 22), though the others felt there had been subtle negative comments made privately. Sixteen churches said they had received "actions and expressions of support from bishops, district superintendents, and other church leaders." Examples given of such support were: • A bishop publicly affirmed the Reconciling Congregation movement at an RC dinner at annual conference. • A district superintendent stated that "This is a continuation of the congregation's struggle for justice." • Another superintendent said, "Your role as a Reconciling Congregation holds out a vision for all of us." M ore churches have experienced hostility from the surrOllllding commllllity (9 out of 25) than from the annual conference. In one case this was expressed in letters, phone calls, and sly remarks related to the congregation's support of local ordinances protecting rights of lesbians and gay men. St. Paul's in Denver recalled that during the early 1980s, before it became an RC, community opposition to their support of gay/lesbian issues became "explicit, frightening, and gruesome." All of the Reconciling Congregations answering affirm and use tHe gifts, talents, and leadership of their lesbian/gay members. Those members actively chair committees and administrative councils, participate in all worship areas, teach children in Sllllday school, lead and sing in choirs, and serve as greeters, church treasurers, financial secretaries, lay members of annual conference, and paid staff. The fact that RCs include gay men and lesbians as teachers in their church schools reflects certain convictions. One, that lesbians and gay men do not try to indoctrinate children with their sexual orientation. And two, that by their very presence as teachers, they exemplify the view that sexual orientation is innate and therefore to be accepted as God-given. Fourteen of the 29 reporting congregations have had pastoral changes since becoming RCs. All report receiving a supportive new pastor, and most had helpful consultations with the district superintendent in the process. All in all, Reconciling Congregations report being empowered and fulfilled in their ministry and have no regrets for the actions they have taken and, in fact, actively recommend the process to others! • Margarita 1. Will, a member of WaLLingford UMC in Seattle, chaired her church 's RC liaison committee. She is also liaison between her church and Beacon House, a residence for persons living with AIDS. She is bilingual and translates for lawyers doing pro bono work with Salvadoran and Guatamalan clients. 7 Breaking Out of the Large Chuch Mold by Irene Morrissey First UMC, Oneonta, New York • First United Methodist Church in Oneonta, N.Y., is one of the largest (800 + members) and wealthiest • churches in the Wyoming Annual Conference (containing parts of northeastern Pennsylvania and southeastern : New York state). Our decision to become a Reconciling Congregation did not come quickly or easily-or is yet a • comfortable thing for all members of the church. Several • years ago Wyoming Conference voted to become a Rec• onciling Conference (a decision which has since been • rescinded). The following year the annual conference • issued a mandate to all local churches to study the issue of homosexuality and the ruling of the General Con• ference excluding homosexual persons from ordination • and thus from full participation in the life of the church. During the church year, we normally hold two adult • seminars that deal with the social and theological issues • of the church. The Issues Class of the Sunday school studies additional issues and often recommends that fur· ther study be done in a seminar or similar forum. • Drawing on local resources-Oneonta is home to two • colleges-we organize and present studies during Sunday school time, as a five-week Lenten series, and in co· operation with the United Methodist Women. We have : studied the bishops' letter on nuclear war, issues on the · environment, Native Americans, and hunger and homelessness locally and internationally, and have been in• strumental in organizing our area's Habitat for Human• ity. We have an active, growing church-so study on the issues of exclusion from the church seemed a natural. : The Issues Class had already discussed our disagreement with that infamous section of the United Metho• dist Social Principles (para. 71F) stating that the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian · teaching. We also discussed the exclusion of lesbians and • gay men from ordination (para. 402.2). We found these : to be the only areas where the church discriminated · against any of God's creation. Since we all had friends • family, colleagues, pastors, etc., who were lesbian/gay, ' we felt we needed to do something about it. After the conference mandate, the Issues Class was • asked to present a seminar. We decided we did not want · this particular issue to begin and end in our Sunday school class. Often we "deal" with the issues, and the · majority of the church then doesn't have to think about • it and everyone's conscience is cleared. So we refused • and asked that a task force consisting of all the commissions of the church be formed. The task force explored resources and available • speakers and asked for a block of six Sundays during Sunday school time to be set aside for the seminar. • Publicity was well planned and placed in every conceivable place. Seminars are always well attended-all · 8 three adult classes, usually the youth classes, members not usually in a class, and persons from other churches and the community. We wanted this one to be especially well attended. The first session was conducted by a resource person from Wyoming Conference. We discussed the related Social Principles passages and the judgment the church and society place on all persons we declare "different." Our own prejudices and prejudgments about what is or isn't "sin" were also discussed. We had ordered copies of everything available through the Reconciling Congregation Program, including the newly released book And God Loves Each One. These !o I were available for members to read before, during, and following the seminar. The following Sundays we viewed and discussed the video "Casting Out Fear," our pastor spoke on the biblical and theological aspects, and we concluded the seminar with a panel consisting of local and conference members-among them a "still-closeted" church conference leader. Everyone was given the opportunity to speak and air concerns and encouragements. During the last session, a statement declaring that "First Church would include all persons in the full life of the church" was drafted and directed to the Administrative Board. Again, the Administrative Board meeting and its agenda were heavily publicized. We wanted everyone to be aware of the importance of the meeting. The board meeting was probably the best attended in the history of First Church and probably one of the longest. Most members were open-minded, informed, and supportive. Some of the opposition came from persons who had not attended the seminar, some who confused the term pedophile with homosexual, and some who were concerned with their old beliefs about sin. After much discussion, a secret ballot was taken. The outcome was .. 'a ... ...•.. Open Hands an overwhelming majority-in favor of becoming a Reconciling Congregation! Our work had only just begun. We fOlllld our youth to still be extremely troubled and confused. A new task force and the Youth Council (which had been abandoned years ago) were formed to work with the youth. Opportunities were provided for youth to explore the questions they had about their own sexuality and to explore what the whole issue of exclusion of others we perceive as "different" meant. T hroughout the process, we were reminded how important communication is. In any church, but especially in a large church, keeping issues and events constantly before the congregation using a variety of media is vital. Every step we took, we went to great lengths to make sure people were aware of what was happening. We continue to make available reports of events that we participate in and have a bulletin board in a central place highlighting RC activities. Even so, we still have an occasional member who indignantly claims to have no knowledge of our decision. Almost always our pastor is able to reason with such persons and calm their fears and doubts. We continue to struggle, pray, and inform. We have grown both spiritually and physically as our congregation grapples with our differences. In a large congregation, total agreement on any subject is rarely possible. Our membership includes people representing a whole spectrum of views. We work at getting along and settling our differences so we can get on with what needs to be done and avoid getting bogged down in petty disagreements and squabbles. This year we sent members of our congregation to the convocation of Reconciling Congregations in San Francisco. Three First Church members attended the General Conference Committee to Study Homosexuality in Boston in March as observers to listen to theologians and speak informally with members of the committee. In April we testified before the Northeastern Jurisdiction "listening post," which was also a part of the general church's study committee. (See article on page 18.' Locally, our Mission Commission has asked our Enabling Ministries fund for a grant of money, time, and space to assist people with AIDS and their friends and families. We hope to house a staff person from the Southern Tier (of New York) AIDS Program in Binghamton one day per week to counsel and educate persons seeking help. We've asked to become involved with the local AIDS task force, and First Church members are being asked to become part of the "buddy" program for persons with AIDS. We house the local gay/lesbian group from one of our colleges, which had been denied meeting space on campus. We make a conscious effort to include all persons in the life of the church. Because we are a large, beautiful, wealthy city church we struggle with the perceptions others have of us and that we ourselves may have unconsciously portrayed that we are exclusive. We are striving to overcome all these perceptions in order to become the loving, caring church our Lord has asked us to be .... Irene Morrissey is convener of the Issues Class and cochair of the Missions Committee in her church, First UMC in Oneonta, New York, and on the local Board for Habitat for Humanity. Our Journey: From Fear to Inclusion by Charles Anderson First UMC of Germantown, Philadelphia The First United Methodist Church of Germantown is a large congregation (900+ members) in Philadelphia. We have a long history of involvement in many justice issues. However, we really weren't sure we were prepared to grapple with the denomination's stand on homosexuality. But grapple we did. This is the story of our congregation's journey-of our struggle that ultimately made possible our enthusiastic decision to become a Reconciling Congregation. Our journey took over two years-a journey from saying "tolerance is important, but I wouldn't want all the gays in Philadelphia to come here," to an affirmation that "a Reconciling Congregation stands for inclusion." We went from saying "many of us are afraid of issues of sexuality" to the establishment of a standing committee on Religion and Sexuality. We went from asking "What happens to lesbian and gay members if we don't become a Reconciling Congregation?" to a resounding vote in favor of becoming a Reconciling Congregation that stands not only for inclusion but also for justice, love, and witness. For many, the journey was exciting and memorable for its highs and lows. For almost everyone, the journey was hard. F Our key factors were at work during our journey. Being a large church with four professional clergy, one critical factor in our reconciling process was the support of all four of them. In addition to their support, they played several important roles. The idea of considering becoming an RC was actually proposed by the senior pastor, who encouraged the leaders of the Social Concerns committee to begin work on the issue. This pastor is extremely well respected in the church, and his initial endorsement gave the idea credibility. At least one of the clergy attended almost all the meetings of the task force that eventually coordinated the process. Besides bringing their own ideas to the task force, they shared any concerns raised by church members with that group. The ministerial staff provided information as well as powerful witnesses of their feelings in sermons, while remaining open to discussions of differing viewpoints with members of the congregation. The involvement of a broad segment of lay people was another equally important factor. Although their involvement was essential if the process was to have any meaning at all, developing that participation proved to be more difficult than anticipated. When the leaders of the Social Concerns committee first announced a meeting open to anyone who wanted to become involved, it was reasonably well attended. Almost all the people who Summer 1990 9 came, however, were lesbians, gay men, or nongay/lesbian people with a strong personal reason for being interested, such as having a lesbian/gay child. While it was obvious why such people might be more interested than other church members in the idea of becoming an RC, it was important that a broader segment of the congregation become involved. This broader involvement was needed because: 1) the gay/lesbian people needed to sense that they were not alone in the struggle; 2) with such a large congregation a diversity was needed on the committee so that most church members would know and trust a committee member to facilitate comfortable communication if they had questions or concerns; and 3) • the process needed even more credibility than that provided by the interest of the church staff-lay leaders needed to be involved as well. A third critical factor in the process was the participation and openness of lesbian/gay members of the congregation. They were willing to risk pain and rejection in revealing much of their lives including information beyond the fact of being gay/lesbian. At times some people were hurt. But this personalized the issue in a way that nothing else could, and many people were forced to think specifically about one gay man or lesbian about whom they cared, rather than just about "those homosexuals.' ' The fourth important element was the use of outside resources. Representatives of another RC, a leader of the Reconciling Congregation Program, a member of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, a psychiatrist, biblical scholars, and social workers all participated in sessions with church members. The topics covered were diverse. As we embarked on our journey, one of the first hurdles we addressed was resolving the dilemma of broad church involvement. The Administrative Board decided that rather than having a voluntary group organized by the Social Concerns committee coordinate the process, they could achieve broader congregational representation through appointing a task force to do the job. This task force included some members by virtue of office and some who had initially expressed interest. Establishing this task force had interesting consequences. A number of people (many of whom were lesbian/gay) who had initially expressed an interest in the project were now not on the task force. It took time for the gay men and lesbians in the congregation, whether on the task force or not, to accept this decision and to overcome the feeling that this was just an example of the larger heterosexual community not trusting them and dictating terms. This concern was resolved, in part, by forming a subcommittee of the task force (called the Working Group) which included some task force members as well as any other members of the church who wanted to be involved. This group ended up proposing, planning, and executing (under the auspices of the task force) many of the events in the reconciling process. Another interesting consequence of establishing the task force was that the members of this group found themselves thrown together, in some cases unwillingly, to consider an issue with which many were uncomfortable. The result was a process of reconciliation within the task force itself before major events were undertaken with the "For the first time in 14 years the church has had a net increase in membership since beginning the process of becoming a ReconCiling Congregation. " -one of the largest RCs. rest of the congregation. This was an incredibly valuable process. Members learned much about the issue and about themselves. They came to care about each other and to trust each other. These people then carried the message of reconciliation to other church members. Early in the process, the task force set goals. One goal involved an organized plan to present a variety of information. The congregation did not simply consider biblical or theological aspects of homosexuality. According to the plan, justice issues were considered and homosexuality itself was discussed with such questions as: Do people choose to be homosexual? Is there a "gay lifestyle"? Why are people homophobic? These topics were discussed in formal sessions with a variety of outside resource persons (in such settings as Adult Sunday School, United Methodist Women, Senior High Youth, Administrative Board, Council on Ministries, etc.) as well as in informal sessions in members' homes. Throughout the entire process, one main goal of the task force was to encourage an environment where people could freely express their feelings. This was often hard to do. Sometimes the feelings were strong; sometimes people were impatient. But the task force reminded itself often that it was an important goal. I n the end, the Administrative Board received the report of the task force and voted to recommend that the congregation vote to become a Reconciling Congregation. The board also established a standing committee on Religion and Sexuality whose mission would be to encourage continuing dialogue about the moral, justice, theological, and complex societal issues connected with functioning as spiritual and sexual human beings-whatever one's sexual orientation. In an emotional meeting, the congregation itself voted overwhelmingly in favor of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. The vote was not unanimous, and right up to the end strong objections were voiced. Our struggle is not over; our committee of Religion and Sexuality has work to do as our journey continues. ~ Charles Anderson, a member at First UMC of Germantown, is a veterinarian working in the Philadelphia area. He was a member of his church's Reconciling Congregation task force and chairperson of the "working group." Open Hands 10 i Taking a Stand in a Small Town by Margie Sims Estacada UMC, Estacada, Oregon Estacada, Oregon, is a town of 2,000 located in a rural area 25 miles from Portland. The commlll1ity has traditionally depended on the now-troubled timber industry, but today a growing number of Estacada's residents are people who have chosen to live in a rural setting and work in the city. The community has been, and continues to be, politically conservative. Independence of spirit and old-fashioned values are alive and well in Estacada! The Estacada United Methodist Church was organized in 1906 with 36 members. After reaching a high of 150 by 1951, membership declined to about 60 in the 1970s as yOlll1g adults left town to seek greater economic opportlll1ity and as the number of churches in town proliferated. That decade, however, brought a growing social awareness and involvement to the church. This commitment continued through the 1980s, as members became active in the larger church at district, conference, and even denominational levels and as the congregation became infused with ideas, enthusiasm, and a sense of mission that have drawn in new members looking for a church with a social commitment. When the Oregon-Idaho Annual Conference called for congregations to examine whether they might consider becoming Reconciling Congregations, our then pastor suggested in the spring of 1989 that we consider the issue. Our Program Task Force was asked to plan an event for this purpose. Estacada has no openly gay community, and while at least one, and possibly more, persons of same-sex orientation were in our midst, we did not feel comfortable asking them to address the congregation on this issue. To develop a program, then, we sought resources from outside the commlll1ity, chiefly from the Affirmation group in Portland. In Jlll1e 1989 we held a potluck dinner after church, followed by a two-hour study and discussion session. After watching the video "Casting Out Fear," our pastor and a representative of Affirmation led a discussion on biblical and theological perspectives on homosexuality. This was an entirely new issue for most of our congregation. Most of us had accepted the prevailing societal view, reinforced by the church, that homosexuality is immoral and lll1acceptable. Some of us were open about asking questions, but many were not. Two points stood out in this discussion: first, we considered lesbians and gay men as persons, not ideas or lifestyles. We put aside labels and emotional reactions and simply considered people who feel joy and pain, who work, play, and struggle, who are fathers and daughters, nurses and farmers, black, white, urban, rural. Second, we discussed the fact that people don't choose their affectional orientation and often find it a source of great struggle. We then asked ourselves how we, as United Methodist Christians trying to be responsible as God's commlll1ity Summer 1990 in action, were to relate to gay men and lesbians. We didn't attempt to answer the question that day, but elected to pursue the question through dialogue. We talked formally in church and informally in many other settings. At a potluck and brainstorming session in August with our new pastor, a consensus began to emerge. We still disagreed about feelings and fears, but we did agree that we couldn't be both faithful and exclusive. By fall it was obvious that we were on our way to becoming a Reconciling Congregation, and we decided to take this step formally at our charge conference in November. In preparation for the vote, we stepped up our dialogue to give all our members and constituents an opportlll1ity to participate in the decision. We also tried to anticipate the reactions that might come from others in our closely knit, conservative small town and to be sure that we were ready to handle them. On November 8, 1989, with 15 persons present, we voted lll1animously to become a Reconciling Congregation and on Slll1day, December 10, held a joyful public celebration as a part of our worship service. This was attended by supportive district and conference representatives, members of Affirmation, people from up to 150 miles away, and the press. It was reported sympathetically by local and regional newspapers. There followed a fairly brief, but strong, flurry of protests. The local ministerial association disbanded "for the purpose of reforming the ministers into one or more ministerial organizations," basically because a number of the more conservative ministers felt they could not be identified with us in any way. Letters were received by the congregation and the local newspaper; most of them supported our action, though a few denolll1ced it. A local church had a stone thrown through a window and "FAG" spray-painted all over the front. Whoever did it had the wrong church, but we cleaned it up. In a month the controversy was all but over. We apparently haven't lost a single member because of our decision. In fact, our constituency has increased, and many travel a considerable distance to attend our services. Our giving has remained steady. Among our activities, we have held a four-month study of homosexuality, we have visited the Portland Metropolitan Commlll1ity Church, and their choir has visited our congregation. We have also redecorated a room in a new AIDS hospice. Two of us attended the National Convocation of Reconciling Congregations in February and brought back bean seeds distributed during a commlll1ion service at the convocation. We planted them during the children's sermon on the Slll1day that the MCC choir sang. Recently, our children took the plants home to give them more nurturing and slll11ight. Our children may not understand homosexuality, but they do lll1derstand hospitality, healing, and hope-the theme of the convocation-and so do we! .... Margie Sims teaches eLementary and retarded children and at-risk adoLescents in Estacada, Oregon. She enjoys camping, reading, and her work with Estacada UMC. 11 "We.All Belong Together" by Bradley Ryrnph Ethnically Diverse Congregations "One congregation-four language ministries": such is the d~scr~pti~:m us~d by Wilshire UMC in Los Angeles to deSCrIbe ItS mclusIVe fellowship. With over 1,000 me~ber~, th~s urban. parish is in many ways a model of e~hmc dIversIty, not Just for the Reconciling CongregatIOn Program but for the entire United Methodist Church. Originally an all-white, English-speaking church, Wilshire took its first steps toward inclusiveness about 25 years ago, when the first black families joined it. One of those f!rst bla~k me~bers recalls, "During the early years, It was hke bemg on an island alone. We were not really seen; we were looked through. Our children would ask us why we were putting up with this .. . . I knew we all served the same Christ, and I felt the church ought to be on the cutting edge of this kind of change. So we stuck it out." In the late 1970s, Wilshire moved further towards br?~d inclusiveness when it began a Korean-language ~mIstry to. serve people who were increasingly moving mto the neIghborhood near the church. With this new m~nis~ry, Wilshire's members established an important prmclple-that they were "one church." Rather than creating a Korean tenant congregation that paid rent a~d evolved as a separate church, the organizing commIttee felt strongly that membership should be held together as one congregation. (Not everyone supported this principle-showing a fear common to members of cong~egations in "changing neighborhoods," some Enghsh-Ianguage members feared being "taken over" by the Korean-language people.) Eventually, Wilshire began two more language ministries-Spanish and Tagalog (Filipino). While Wilshire may be the most ethnically diverse Reconciling Congregation, it is far from the only one. He~enw~y UMC in ~vanston, Illinois, offers worship servIces m both Enghsh and Chinese. Other RCs share ~heir facilities with separate congregations that worship m ~ language other than English. Albany Park UMC in C~llcago shares its building and its pastor, Finees Flores, WIt~ EI Redentor, a Spanish-language UM congregation, whIle a Korean Christian Reformed congregation worships in the facilities of Albany UMC in Albany California. ' In many cases, an RC's ethnic diversity has evolved ~ver time, reflecting geographic and population transitIOns. Two such RCs are Central UMC in Toledo, Ohio, and Metropolitan-Duane UMC in New York City. In other cases, local congregations were established intentionally to be racially mixed. Christ UMC in Washington, D.C., was founded in 1963 in an urban renewal neighborhood to be the first integrated Methodist church in that city. Edgehill UMC in N ashville was established in 1966 with essentially the same mandate. . ~ith any ethnically mixed congregation, such diversity mevItably creates special dynamics as its members consider what it means to be publicly intentional in ministering with lesbians and gay men. But these dynamics have, as often as not, been different from what some people's stereotypes might have led them to expect. I n each of these churches, support for-as well as discomfort with-the idea of being a Reconciling Congregation has cut across racial and ethnic lines. In Wilshire, for example, various black members have discussed the links among different kinds of discrimination, recalls Alan Jones, the church's English-speaking senior pastor. At Metropolitan-Duane, black and white T?embers together were unanimous in adopting a resolutIO? earli~r .this year affirming the controversial holyumon pohcles of two other Reconciling Congregations. Rather, whatever opposition to the RCP has been expressed has often reflected the same concerns that are common in other congregations-that is, the beliefs of ~eople with gen.erally conservative theological perspectIves that the BIble condemns homosexual behavior. Such attitudes, of course, are not specifically racial or ethnic but merely reflect stances that the Church has taken for centuries and only recently have been challenged. When concerns have been raised by nonwhite or nonEnglis?-speaking members of a congregation, they have more hkely been concerns that the public addition of lesbian/gay ministries to a church's commitment might mean a lessened commitment to other inclusiveness issues. Ethnically diverse congregations have found that it is important to develop their ministries with lesbians and gay men in the same way that they develop their other ministries-by drawing on the varied perspectives and concerns that their diversity provides. For example, as Christ UMC was discussing becoming an RC, a few black members commented that they supported the congregation's ministries with lesbians and gay men but did not want it to appear that those ministries were more important than the church's other justice activities. The congregation responded by adopting a "Statement of Purpose" that specifically called for outreach across racial, economic, age, and gender-as well as sexual orientation-lines and recommitted church members to their other ministries in the community. The concerns of blacks and other ethnic minorities that their issues could be thrust aside in the push for action on lesbian/gay issues is often based in fact. Both gay/lesbian and nongay whites can sometimes appear to be uninterested in other human rights issues. At this spring's session of one UMC annual conference, one participant observed that the same white persons who forcefully advocated for the Reconciling Congregation Program were seemingly silent when topics of special concern to black church members were being discussed. Open Hands 12 1 Because of Wilshire's multilingual nature, the need to draw on the varied perspectives of its members has been particularly challenging for that congregation. When Wilshire was considering becoming a Reconciling Congregation, it was being governed by a structure headed by an Administrative Council composed primarily of English-speaking members. The church's discussions of what it would mean to be an RC were held entirely in English. Thus, when the council voted in May 1989 to join the RCP, many non-English-speaking members of the church were caught off-guard. According to Jones, they were upset not so much because of the decision but because they had not been brought into the process. Partly as a result of these reactions, the membership of Wilshire realized the urgency of adopting a more inclusive mode of governance. In November 1989, the church reformulated its decision-making structure to include more equitable representation from all its language ministries. A special challenge, Jones recalls, was selecting a chairperson for the new Administrative Board: "We needed a very special person who had skills at relating and cultural sensitivities." Chang Soon Lee, Wilshire's Korean-language pastor, suggested one possibility, and he was supported by Djalma Araujo, the Spanishlanguage pastor. The nominee: a white, Englishspeaking gay man named Bob Ficklin. When Ficklin expressed his concern that having a gay man might cause problems since the congregation was still struggling over the way it had become a Reconciling Congregation, Lee and Araujo stood firm: Ficklin was the person they wanted. I t is an oversimplification, however, to assume that there are no differences in perspectives toward homosexuality between whites, blacks, and other groups. Obviously, it is not only inaccurate but even potentially harmful to put forth generalized assumptions as though they apply to all persons in any given group, but differing cultural sensitivities can require special considerations as congregations pursue ministries with lesbians and gay men. Thus far, although many Reconciling Congregations are ethnically diverse, no ethnic-minority congregations have joined the RCP. At least one such churchSpanish-speaking El Redentor in Chicago-is exploring the possibility, however. According to its pastor, Finees Flores, the congregation is attempting to minister to gay men and lesbians who attend the English courses held in the church building. An El Redentor committee helping to draft a joint mission statement for El Redentor and Albany Park, the RC whose building it shares, has proposed the following concluding sentence: "There will be openness to all folk, regardless of race, color, or sexual orientation." Undoubtedly, differences will exist between ethnicminority and ethnically diverse congregations, just as there are inevitable differences between integrated and white congregations. The extent of such differences is far from clear, however. A black member of one integrated Reconciling Congregation suspects that "If you find an ethnically mixed congregation, the minorities there are not necessarily going to be representative of their groups. There is going to be more of a blending.... I think the Summer 1990 same thing is the case with the white members of a mixed congregation-they hold some values that are different from other whites." Janet Petty, an associate pastor at Wilshire, agrees. "Before coming here, I pastored a couple of black churches. They would not have been open to becoming a Reconciling Congregation and would have felt it was an insult to draw parallels between racism and attitudes on homosexuality. We had several conversations about the issue of sexism, and they were clear to tell me that comparing racism and sexism was like comparing apples and oranges." Petty explains that some blacks equate homosexuality with "black genocide." "They feel that homosexuality is a white thing that black folks have been sucked into. They are also saying that, if you're a lesbian or gay man and black, you're betraying your blackness." She added that another difficulty in discussing lesbian/gay issues in black churches can be the "image of sin. They say, 'Of course, we love them, but we hate their sin.' In some black congregations, there is no tradition of questioning or examining scripture." It was already noted above that this is a commonly raised concern among churches, whatever their ethnic/racial makeup, but Petty believes that this is a particularly strong tradition for many black congregations. "But that doesn't mean that we [who support ministries with lesbians and gay men] don't take a stand and go on." Joshua Hutchins, the pastor of Asbury UMC, the largest black United Methodist congregation in Washington, D.C., has a somewhat different perspective. "There are many challenges that black congregations face, primarily in terms of the black family and the black male in today's society," he explained. "Congregations may be reluctant to pick up another subject [such as discussing becoming a Reconciling Congregation]. This may be because there may seem to be some contradiction to some people, or there may just be a lack of energy to deal with too many issues. I don't think there is any more conflict [ over lesbian/gay issues] in a primarily black congregation than in any other. There may simply be other ways of handling the issue." Because true inclusiveness is the goal of the Reconciling Congregation Program, the ethnically diverse churches in the program together offer examples of what it means to be committed to truly reconciling ministries. Alan Jones may have best expressed the attitude of the diverse members of Wilshire-and of other Reconciling Congregations-when he noted: "What has happened in formatting our vision of a church has been a broader image of inclusiveness. We realize that it's wrong to exclude anybody. If we're all children of God, we all belong together." ~ Bradley Rymph is co-editor of Open Hands and a member of Christ UMC in Washington, D. C. Some of this article was adapted from information provided by Bob Ficklin, a member of Wilshire UMC in Los Angeles. 13 Resources Resources for Reconciling Ministries The Reconciling Congregation Program office receives many requests for a definitive guide or step-by-step process on how to become a Reconciling Congregation. Our experience has shown us that we cannot provide such a guideevery congregation is different, therefore the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation is different. However, there are many resources available which you can adapt to your congregation. On this page is a list of resources available from the Reconciling Congregation Probrram and other programs to assist your congregation. On the next page are suggestions for planning a study series in your congregation on affirming reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men. The succeeding page contains an outline of a presentation about the Reconciling Congregation Program. Remember that the best resources are other people-persons in your congregation, your community, and/or your judicatory. If you need assistance in locating resource persons, feel free to contact the national RCP office at 202/863-1586 or the office of your denominational program (see on p. 16). From the Reconciling Congregation Program And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue about the Church and Homosexuality. Ann Thompson Cook and Task Force on Reconciliation of Dumbarton UMC, 1988. 20 pp. An honest and friendly booklet that answers a Christia~'s basic questions about homosexuality. Ideal resource for individuals or groups beginning to explore lesbian/gay concerns. $4.95; 10+ copies $3.00. Add 15% postage/handling. Also 2-session study guide available at no charge. Casting Out Fear: Reconciling Ministries ,-vith Lesbians and Gay Men. Videotape, 1988. 38 mins. Portrays the pain and estrangement lesbians and gay men feel in the church and the hope of reconciliation found in congregations that are moving toward a more loving acceptance. Filmed at the national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in 1987. Purchase: $100; 30-day rental: $20.00. How to Become A Reconciling Congregation. Rev. 1989. 4 pp. Paper outlining process and steps guiding a local church to affirm its ministry with lesbians and gay men. Free. Open Hands: Reconciling Ministries mth Lesbians and Gay Men. 24 pp. Quarterly magazine which provides information, practical suggestions, resources, and news on different themes related to ministry with lesbians and gay men. Annual subscription: $16.00; single copies: $5.00. NOTE: Order the above resources from Reconciling Congregation Program, P. O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026, or call 202/863-1586. From Other Denominations/ Groups Breaking the Silence, Overcoming the Fear: Homophobia Education. New York: Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), 1985. 71 pp. Background articles on homophobia and theological/biblical perspectives with several models for homophobia education. Includes a bibliography. $3.50 from Church Education Services, Room llOl, 475 Riverside Drive, New York, NY 10015. Here Is My Hand. Patricia Ann Meyers for the Task Force on Reconciling Congregations/ Conference of the Oregon-Idaho Conference, UMC, 1990. 68 pp. Practical, five-session study guide for congregations and groups investigating reconciling ministries. $5.00 plus $2.00 postage/handling from Patricia Ann Meyers, 3005 S.W. ll8th Avenue, Beaverton, OR 97005. More Light Churches: Obedience, Ministry, Justice. Videotape, 1989. 27 mins. Video focuses on issues faced by lesbian and gay Presbyterians and how two More Light congregations attempt to respond to these issues in a compassionate way. Study guide also available. Purchase $23; two-week rental: $8 from PLGC, c/o Dick Hasbany, 2641 N ,W. Ginseng Place, Corvallis, OR 97330. Plan of Action. Lutherans Concerned, N A. 12 pp. Paper which provides a suggested study process for congregations considering becoming "Reconciled in Christ." Free from Lutherans Concerned, P.O. Box 10461, Ft. Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL 60610-0461. • Resources for Ministry with Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Persons. United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, 1987 ed. Packet of information from pastoral perspective on "Open and Affirming" ministries, homophobia, issues for families and friends of lesbians/gay men. $7.50 from UCC/LGC, 18 N. College Street, Athens, OH 45701. • Thinking It Through: United Methodists Look at the Church and Homosexuality. Methodist Federation for Social Action, 1987. Collection of reprinted articles from many sources covering: forming a reconciling attitude, ordering our theology of ministry, developing AIDS ministries, and resources for reconciling ministries. $10.00 from MFSA, 76 Clinton Avenue, Staten Island, NY 10301. • Welcoming Congregation Program Manual. Unitarian/ Universalist Association for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, 1990. Comprehensive resource book with introductory information for UUA congregations, outlines of workshops on homophobia, and other program ideas for local congregations. $24.95 plus $2 handling from UUA Bookstore, 25 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108. • What Is an Open and Affirming Church'~ Open and Affirming Program, 1990. 4 pp. Information on what it means to become an Open and Affirming Church. Send SASE to ONA, c/o Ann Day, P.O. Box 403, Holden, MA 01520. • Where Do We Go From Here'! Massachusetts Conference of the United Church of Christ, 1987. Six-week study course developed to lead to the affirmation of local church ministries with lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons. $ll.50 from MACUCC, c/o Ann Day, P.O. Box 403, Holden, MA 01520. Why Do We Have To Do This? Open and Affirming Program, 1990. 7 pp. Paper written by a member of an Open and Affirming Church, outlining the reasons why it is important for a local church to take such a stance. $1.00 from, ONA, c/o Ann Day, P.O. Box 403, Holden, MA 01520... 14 Open Hands Planning a Study Series Most congregations that begin discussing reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men decide to hold a study series as part of the church school program or as a series of special forums. Here are SOme suggestions, garnered from the experiences of other congregations, for developing such a study series. Preparation Allow ample time for preparation and publicity. With the busy schedules of many congregations, some programs tend to be developed hurriedly. Insist on the utter seriousness and importance of this series, and allow several weeks or months for preparation. Publicize the series through personal invitation. Concerns related to human sexuality are deeply personal and not often raised in a church setting. Persons in your church may find it more comfortable not to participate in the study series. Congregations have learned that persons attend because of a personal invitation from one of the leaders or planners. Design a personal, experiential series. Focus the series on the experience of ministry and on relationships with persons-lesbians and gay men-not the academic understanding of homosexuality. Use lesbians and gay men and their families from your congregation or community to talk with participants about their faith and their lives. Always try to focus discussion and dialogue on persons' experience. Make the series participatory and open. Expanding upon the previous point, use the active participation of all attending the series. This assures participants that you value their feelings, experiences, and beliefs; that this is a reconciling process, and not just the presentation of a particular point of view. Open and close each session with a question or reflection and ask for participants' responses. Content The content of your study series will vary depending upon the amount of time you have. Some congregations have used four one-hour sessions on Sunday mornings. Others have had six to eight twohour sessions on a weeknight. Here is a list of topics you will want to try to include in your series. You will need to arrange and adjust them to fit the amount of time you have. Introducing the National Program Some congregations choose to introduce the national program early in the series as a possible decision for the church. Others choose to introduce this as a possible congregational response after several sessions on ministries with les- Summer 1990 bians and gay men. On the following page is an outline of a presentation on the RCP; a list of the national programs in other denominations can be found below. Homophobia in the Church and Society Share the real life experiences of lesbians and gay men. If there are open lesbians and/or gay men in your congregation, invite them to talk about their lives. Use a role-reversal exercise or other such activity to help participants understand the prevalence of homophobia in our church and society. Denonzinational Policies Homophobia is codified in the policies of most denominations. Invite your pastor or someone else who is well informed about your denomination to present this information, including the history of how such policies came into being. If your congregation is United Methodist, you will focus on paragraphs ?IF, 402.2, and 906.12 in the Book of Discipline. Information on Hon1osexuality After identifying the focus of this series as your congregation's ministry with lesbians and gay men, provide basic information and discussion on homosexuality. Some congregations utilize psychologists, social workers, or other social scientists to help participants understand the social phenomenon of homosexuality. Bible Study Our experience as Christians frames our interpretation of the Bible. You can help participants break free of the traditional interpretation of the biblical texts which are assumed to deal with homosexuality when you have first given them a broader experience from which to understand these texts. Bible study should also include other texts which inform your congregation's ministry of reconciliation (see below). Another Congregation's Story Invite a member of a current Reconciling Congregation (or similar program in another denomination) to talk about how they have publicly affirmed ministries with lesbians and gay men. You will find your participants very eager to hear what other congregations have done-what has worked and what was not helpful-and how their ministry was enhanced through this decision and action. This also puts your congregation in the context of a national movement. Your Congregation's Background Invite discussion about other ways in which your congregation has reached out to those who are alienated or oppressed. Is becoming a Reconciling Congregation consistent with who your congregation is? Fears about Becoming a Reconciling Congregation Invite participants to talk about their anxieties. What do they fear could happen to themselves and to the congregation if they publicly affirm reconciling ministries? When these fears are acknowledged, the group can move closer toward a common understanding. What Do We Do Next? Close the series with discussion and concrete planning of the following steps. How do we share what we have learned here with the rest of the congregation? How can we help our congregation move closer to a declaration of ministry with all persons? Make a list of specific actions and assign persons to do them .• Bible Study Texts When studying a biblical basis for reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men, many groups tend to study only the few widely recognized passages which appear to mention homosexuality or same-sex activity specifically (Genesis 19:1-29; Lev. 18:22, 20:13; Romans 1:18-32; I Cor. 6:9-10; I Tim. 1:8-11). However, there are several other texts which relate to engaging in reconciling ministries. When planning Bible study in your local church, include some of the following texts: II Corinthians 5:16-21-God's reconciliation through Jesus Christ. I John 4:17..18~'perfect love drives out all fear." Luke 4:16-21-Jesus' ministry of liberation. Luke 12:1-7; Matthew 1O:26-31-faithfulness to God's truth. Galatians 3:26-29-All persons are one in Christ. Ephesians 2:13-22-Christ breaks down dividing walls. Romans 5:8-11-God redeems us through Jesus Christ. Acts 15:1-21-Early church affirms ministry to Gentiles. Acts 10-Story of Peter and Cornelius. 15 Making a Presentation Representatives from Reconciling Congregations and other individuals are often invited to make a presentation to an interested congregation or other group about the program. Here is a suggested outline of key points for such a presentation. You will want to change the language to fit you. This presentation can be done in 10-15 minutes or can be extended to 25-30 minutes with the addition of illustrations and stories from your congregation's experience. You should feel free to call the national RCP office (202 /863-1586) to get the latest statistics or other information about the program. A. Definition The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist congregations who have publicly welcomed all persons, including lesbians and gay men, into the life of their local church. B. Our History 1. The RCP began in conversations among members of Affirmation in 1983 seeking a way to identify local churches where lesbians and gay men, their families, and friends would feel welcome and to support local churches that were already in ministry with lesbians and gay men. 2. The Presbyterian More Light Program (begun in 1979) served as a model. 3. The RCP was publicly announced at the UMC General Conference in Baltimore in May 1984. On the morning following the vote to deny ordination to lesbians and gay men, friends of Affirmation gathered outside the conference center and distributed brochures inviting local churches to become Reconciling Congregations. 4. Within two weeks, two congregations voted to become Reconciling Congregations-symbolically, they were on the two ends of the continent: Washington Square in New York City and Wesley in Fresno, California. 5. The program has steadily grown over the ensuing years to now include 46 congregations across the country. 6. In 1986, the Northern Illinois Annual Conference voted to become a Reconciling Conference. Three other conferences have since voted to call themselves "reconciling" (California-Nevada, New York, and Troy). Many other conferences have encouraged their local churches to study becoming Reconciling Congregations or are studying becoming Reconciling Conferences. C. Who We Are 1. The RC movement is a model of the inclusive Body of Christ. 2. We are a national movement with congregations in all 5 UMC jurisdictions or regions and in 19 different annual conferences. 3. We range in size from under 50 members to over 1,000 members. 4. We are located in urban, suburban, and rural communities. 5. Many RCs are racially and ethnically diverse. 6. Most RCs have a history of engagement in the social justice dimensions of the Gospel. 7. We are a part of a larger in terdenominational movement of almost 200 congregations: Presbyterian "More Light," Lutheran "Reconciled in Christ," Disciples of Christ and United Church of Christ "Open and Affirming," and Unitarian-Universalist "Welcoming." D. What We Are About 1. Becoming an RC simply affirms the Gospel mandate to preach the Gospel to the whole world-to everyone. 2. lesbian/gay concerns touch every congregation-every local church has lesbian or gay members, families with lesbians/gay men, or close friends of lesbians/gay men. 3. The RCP is attempting to redirect the focus of conversation in the church from the issue of homosexuality to the issue of ministry. We think the key question is "How does our congregation relate to a lesbian/gay member who sits beside me in worship on Sunday?" not "What do we think about homosexuality?" 4. The RCP is a movement of God's Spirit which is transforming the lives of congregations and individual Christians. 5. There are other groups in our society who are excluded or alienated from the ministries of the church. The RCP, therefore, seeks to open the church's doors to all persons while recognizing that the most blatant exclusion today is that of lesbians and gay men. 6. Every congregation is a potential Reconciling Congregation-for some it will take 6 months and for others, 20 years. God's Spirit can move in any congregation from where the congregation is today. E. How To Become 1. To become an RC, a local church goes through a process of dialogue and study which can take several months or several years. 2. After a period of informal discussion and dialogue, an official study process is usually approved by the Administrative Board or Council. Such a pro- o cess seeks to include education and dialogue with all persons and groups in the local church. 3. The process should be reconciling, o recognizing that this is a deeply emotional and personal issue for many memo bers of the congregation. Because con- o gregations strive to make this process o reconciling, very few members have aco tually left congregations which became Reconciling Congregations. 4. A group in the congregation writes o a statement of reconciliation which uno conditionally affirms the full participation of all persons, including lesbians and gay men, in the life of the local church. 5. When the congregation is ready, an official vote and declaration is made by the Administrative Board or Council. In order to reflect the will of the entire congregation, many RCs take this vote at a church conference with all members participating. 6. The reconciling process is ongoing as the congregation educates new members and seeks to integrate ministries with lesbians and gay men into the full ministry of the local church. F. Resources The national program provides several resources for congregations that are considering becoming Reconciling Congregations: -Brochure "Is Your local Church Open to all Persons?" -How to Become a Reconciling Congregation -And God Loves Each One -Casting Out Fear -Open Hands (Be sure to have sample copies and order forms to distribute.) Y Programs in Other Denominations More Light Program (Presbyterian) c/o Jim Anderson P.O. Box 38 New Brunswick, NJ 08903 Open and Affirming Program (UCC/Disciples of Christ) c/o Ann Day P.O. Box 403 Holden, MA 01520 Reconciled in Christ Program (Lutheran) c/o Brian Knittel 20800 Buena Vista Way Berkeley, CA 94708 Welcoming Congregation Program (Unitarian/Universalist) c/o Scott Anderson 25 Beacon Street Boston, MA 02108 Open Hands 16 Growing in Numbers and in Faith by Dale McCurdy l~Wallingford UMC, ~V' Seattle Last October at Wallingford United Methodist Church in Seattle, we celebrated the fifth anniversary of our becoming a Reconciling Congregation. Before the vote was taken to become part of the reconciling family, the average weekly worship attendance was 60. Today, our average attendance is 135, with very little of the traditional "summer slump" in attendance experienced by many churches. What kinds of growth have we experienced? Who are the people who have been attracted to Wallingford since our decision to become reconciling? Two trends are most striking: first, the increased number of gay/lesbian people in attendance and, second, the marked increase in the number of young families with children. These two constituencies have been our greatest growth success story. Church growth and evangelism expert Lyle Schaller coined the phrase "wounded bird" to describe people who have suffered a great deal, and whose pain often keeps them isolated from the ministry of the church. The number of "wounded birds" in the church family at Wallingford seems high compared to the large suburban congregation I served in the past. At Wallingford, these "wounded birds" are encouraged to share their stories, to grow, and to become "wounded healers" through various support groups and through intensive pastoral and congregational care. Some former "wounded birds" have become models of courage and growth to the entire congrega tion. Several of the factors that have facilitated our growth at Wallingford are hardly unusual. Indeed, they are the building blocks commonly stressed in primers about church growth. Most important in my observation has been the quality of our pastoral leadership and worship style. Through two changes of pastor since we became a Reconciling Congregation, we have continued to have excellent sermons and well-planned worship that involves the entire community, particularly in "prayers of the people." Not incidental has been the fact that our congregation was served by a female pastor when we became an RC and is also served by a woman today. This has brought many first-time visitors to our door and continues to be a strength. In addition, vibrant, quality music during worship has contributed to our growth. Our sanctuary's fine acoustics support vital hymn singing and choral music, helping newcomers experience the vigor and liveliness of the congregation. We also have an active, well-organized evangelism work area that diligently follows up on first-time visitors with phone calls, letters, and personal invitations to church events. Demographics have also played a role in our growth. The number of young families with children active in our worship and ministry has markedly increased, as has our ability to draw on the nearby community at the University of Washington. But one big factor sets our growth apart from the "how to" instructions commonly given for congregational growth. Some people might worry that being intentionally public about a congregation's active ministry with lesbians and gay men could hurt membership, attendance, and income. This has not been the case with Wallingford. We are "out of the closet" as a Reconciling Congregation, and that clearly has helped, not hurt, our growth in membership, in financial giving, and in personal faith. A comment I hear frequently both in and out of the gay/lesbian community in Seattle is "Oh yes, I've heard about that church." Because Wallingford has made no secret of our status as a Reconciling Congregation, our influence in Seattle and in the Pacific Northwest Annual Conference is far greater than our size: • We cosponsor (with Capitol Hill UMC, Seattle's other Reconciling Congregation) an annual Advent "service of reconciliation" with the gay/lesbian community. This service draws people into the life of the church. • We have received a generous amount of publicity and media coverage. Our staff and others have regularly spoken in secular settings about the mission of our church, including discussion of our stature as a Reconciling Congregation and what that means to us as a community of faith. • We are known as a center of feminist theology, as a place where worship is inclusive, and as a congregation where the elderly, physically challenged, or unconventional person will be included and affirmed. • Every year, several of our members march in Seattle's gay pride parade, complete with a large banner proudly proclaiming our church name and our status as a Reconciling Congregation. • Financially, Wallingford seems more sound than it has in several years. In the summer of 1989, we raised $9,000 for church renovation. This year, the goal of our yearly stewardship drive, which we moved from the traditional fall to the early spring, was not only met but exceeded. As a result, we have been able to continue a part-time lay staff position and are becoming less dependent on rental income. Becoming a Reconciling Congregation has been an important journey for Wallingford UMC. The decision has created a congregation much stronger than it has been for many years. In the words of our current pastor, Kathlyn Hoover, "Our church is a vital, thriving, healthy community, with no regrets about having made the decision to become reconciling." ... Dale McCurdy is a former diaconal minister who currently works as a sales person in a lesbian-owned firm that maintains professional libraries. He is director of the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Chorus and associate director of the Seattle Men's Chorus. Summer 1990 17 I 1's a Saturday morning and I would rather turn over and go back to sleep. But I have made a promise to get into the church van with a group of sleepy folks and drive for five hours to Drew Seminary. Why would anyone spend a Saturday in a church van WITNESSING driving to Madison, New Jersey? To participate in a "listening post." The committee appointed by the General Conference of the United Methodist Church to study homosexuality has invited all interested parties, pro and con, to testify before their group. These sessions are called "listening posts," where small groups are called in front of a panel of the committee to explain why they agree or disagree with the denomination's stand on homosexuality. I f you had asked me several years ago what I would be doi~g to ,:itness to my faith, I can honestly say that thIS subject would not have been on my mind. That is no longer true. My local church, after much thought, prayer, and study, and then some more prayer, chose to become a Reconciling Congregation. That is to say, we do not discriminate against anyone based on race, origins, gender, and especially, sexual orientation. Full participation in the church is open to all. My local church decided to send delegates to the Convocation of Reconciling Congregations in San Francisco this past February. I was lucky enough to be included with my husband, Bill. Words cannot begin to describe the feelings that I felt (and will always feel) as I came face to face and faith to faith with gay men and lesbians. It has been a long time since I have felt God working in such mysterious ways as I did during that convocation. I listened as retired Bishop Melvin Wheatley told how the church had to be a haven for all persons. I met men with AIDS who had found congregations where they were loved for who they were as individuals. I came to know life partners who had made commitments to each other. I discovered participants who were also new to this and, as a result, were going home with different hearts. After arriving back home in Oneonta, N.Y., I thought my traveling days were over for a while and I could go back to a quieter life. But, no! The General Conference Study Committee on Homosexuality was meeting in Boston, and it was time to pack again. This time my husband and I were going as observers, with the chance to talk informally with members of the committee. They had invited theologians to make presentations to the combined committee. Once in Boston, we had a chance to renew friendships with a member of the committee, a pastor of an RC who had also been at the convocation in San Francisco. Another retired bishop, James Thomas, reminded us of our need for compassion and acceptance of all persons in the church family. (I began to wonder how the witness of clergy becomes enhanced after retirement and we are no longer caught by political concerns.) Bishop Thomas spoke eloquently about the covenant relationship of the Church and how restrictions 'placed upon conference Boards of Ordained Ministry damage that covenant, refusing to trust their first-hand knowledge of a candidate's call and qualifications. BY SYLVIA Bishop James Thomas also spoke persuasively about church U11ity. He told how the efforts of the Council of Bishops to restrict discussion of slavery in the General Conferences of 1838 and 1842 still ended in the schism of the Methodist church in 1944. Avoiding discussion of injustice to preserve U11ity does not work. While in Boston, we were asked bv two different members of the committee why we ~ere interested in this subject. They wanted to know about our agenda. They wondered if we had a "closet" with someone special behind the doors. When told that we had no agenda other than the love which continually drove us into issues of discrimination and injustice, they seemed Open Hands 18 OMYFAITH ! BOUTON to think that, as a heterosexual couple, we were an oddity. Well, hopefully, it isn't the first time, nor the last, that we will be seen as odd. NoW back to our van trip! After picking up members of three other Wyoming Conference churches, we headed south for Madison-a long way to go for five minutes in the spotlight! We joined perhaps 100 other people who had traveled from various parts of the Northeastern Jurisdiction for this listening post. We had been apprehensive that only those opposed to homosexuality would testify. Much to our delight, we discovered that the opposite was true. Summer 1990 We heard testimony from family members who had lost children and siblings to AIDS. We heard from pastors who felt that the church was neglecting a whole group of people out of fear and ignorance. We heard the testimony of a father who worships in one of our Wyoming Conference United Methodist congregations. He told how his gay son had come to church for services, was insulted and called names, and finally left. This father told how he had been asked to resign as a teacher in the church school because of his son. He told tearfully of the abuse, both emotional and physical, that his son was enduring at college. We heard a United Methodist minister/professor tell of the recent baptism of his infant son. He asked the committee: "Should that boy turn out to be gay, was the United Methodist Church going to retract the promises which it had just made to him?" We heard testimony from district superintendents who felt that the church had to change its policy back to inclusiveness. We heard testimony from pastors who had been removed from growing, thriving churches once their sexuality had been revealed. We heard testimony from Reconciling Congregation members who stated that their churches had gained new vigor and members, mostly young families with children who were looking for a church home where people were compassionate to all persons. We were pleasantly surprised that the testimonies we heard were almost unanimously in favor of changing the policy of the denomination to one of inclusiveness for all persons. We had started the day dreading that we would drive all that distance for a day filled with anger and homophobia. What we discovered was a group of church people who had decided that enough was enough, and now was the time to act in an educated, informed manner and to challenge the leadership of the denomination to step toward reconciliation through Jesus the Christ. We each have our own thoughts on why someone is homosexual. We probably will never change each others' ideas. That is all right. What we must decide is whether we continue to exclude anyone from the fellowship and communion of the church on the basis of their sexual orientation. The change for me has been very drastic. What I am witnessing to has not been popular with some of my family and friends. I know that I would not be happy being a part of a congregation where barriers are placed in front of people. The bottom line has been the thought: "What would Jesus do?" We have no biblical record of what he may have thought about this issue, but we know how he reached out with God's love, especially to those persons who had been condemned by society as sexually impure. How can we do anything different? y Sylvia Bouton is married to an activist who is pastor of the only Reconciling Congregation in the Wyoming Conference, First United Methodist Church in Oneonta, New York. Together, they put forth a team effort to work towczrds compassion for all people. This article was written to help the reconciling cause at conference. In spite of that effort, a close vote rescinded the conference's status as a Reconciling Conference. 19 Sustaining The Spirit CALL TO AWARENESS LEADER: As we gather in this place, we ask ourselves, who are we? VOICE I: We are the song, VOICE 2: We are the singer, VOICE 3: And we listen for the song. VOICE 4: We are the love, VOICE 5: The lover, VOICE 6: And the beloved. VOICE 7: We are the bread, VOICE 8: The bread maker, VOICE 9: And those filled ... those hungry... VOICE 10: We are the gift, VOICE II: The giver, VOICE 12: And we receive... LEADER: Who are we? ALL: We gather from across the country, from our daily places of loving and living, to enter this moment and this space. We gather to receive and accept the hospitality here offered. We gather in support of one another, seeking to create a space in ourselves, in our church, in our world, A space of hospitality with gay men and lesbians in community. LEADER: Who are we? GROUP I: We are gay and straight, men and women, a rainbow of colors. GROUP 2: We are young and old, old friends and newcomers, eager for the journey and tired from the journey. GROUP 3: We are clergy and laity, members of Affirmation. GROUP 4: We are Reconciling Congregations. We are United Methodists. ALL: We are the church! We come "traveling 'long a road we've never seen before." We come for renewal and for vision. We are people with abundant gifts, with many needs, and with a strong faith that in community new possibilities emerge: Needs become gifts that challenge us, gifts that are nurtured and channeled. LEADER: Who are we? ALL: We are people who know that the soil, the sun, and the rain are provided for the lilies, the oak, and the corn. We seek that force which can provide growth and nourishment for our lives. We are people called to the journey by Jesus Christ. We are people empowered by God's spirit, held and healed by God's love. Let us be together in God's spirit and truth. Adapted from a litany written by members of the Reconciling Congregations and Affirmation of the Northern Illinois Conference for the National Convocation of Reconciling Congregations, held February 16-18, 1990, in San Francisco, California. • 20 Open Hands : Letters Responses to Lesbian/Gay Christian Movement Issue T hank you so much for your excellent issue on the lesbian/gay Christian movement (Winter, 1990). As a firm believer that we benefit from knowing and understanding history, I learned much from the various articles that will be helpful to me in the future. Because our movement doesn't attract much outside interest, the authors were persons intimately involved in the activities described. That's great but it tended to make the articles historical commentary without countervailing opinions. Leo Treadway's articles on the Lesbian/ Gay Interfaith Alliance (LGIA) is a case in point. Integrity kept faith till the end, sending one of only two "full" delegations (with one white male, one female, and one "third world" representative) to the final meeting. Two were on our Board of Directors. Our president at the time was a woman. At least for Integrity, it wasn't a case of "white males . ..who felt that smaller groups and minorities had been given too great a share in the decision making." Only the white male favored continuing Ollr participation. The rest felt that LGIA accomplished almost nothing and participation ",ras a waste of our very limited resources. Perhaps we were unique, but this perspective colored my reading of this and other articles. Yours for Integrity in Christ, Edgar K. Byham Guttenberg, New Jersey Good issue on our collective history. "Where are the Women?" can be answered, at least in part, by the Conference for Catholic Lesbians. For more information regarding excellent retreats, newletter ("Images") and groups contact: Conference for Catholic Lesbians P.O. Box 436 Planetarium Station, NY 10024 All good wishes and many thanks for your fine work. Mary Hunt Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics, and Ritual Silver Spring, Maryland Summer 1990 I had the pleasure of finding Open Hands at the local gay bookstore this week. As yet another defrocked, "back-slid" Methodist, I've a few minor additions to your excellent history in the winter 1990 issue. About 1970, one Dan Gorham was flung out of the Orthodox church down in the Carolinas. This was the first I'd heard of "homosexuals" and the modern Church. I followed his setting up of an alternative Orthodox group in our brief correspondence, and thought it'd be great if someone did that for the Methodists, too. In '72 I went to McCormick Seminary in Chicago. I ran into David Sindt and we conspired to set up a "Gay Seminarians" group. While this was more of a support and social group, we did get called on to offer presentations and gave Gene Leggett a hero's welcome when he came to visit. Through Gay Seminarians I met Bill Krick, who later introduced me to dear Michael Troyer: hence my first introduction to Affirmation. Once we gays started to creep out of our closets, the General Conference responded to the issue with the infamous "persons of sacred worth but incompatible" line, which was likely the first mention of homosexuals in official writ. A far cry from the attitude shown by John Wesley's ministry to the convicted homosexual Blair, and certainly an equal "pain in the fundament." Though McCormick was supportive, my coming out to the Central Illinois Conference was met with predictable reactions. Hence the current absence of a frock. David's own Presbyterian group (now PLGC) was first called "gay United Presbyterians," and we tried several lame guppy jokes out on it. Fond memories are dredged up from your history. I met Bill Johnson and Chris Glaser way back when. I suppose I was lucky that the job which paid my way through college and much of seminary was in a profession which didn't look at one's laundry. I was able to resume myoid job and career. Still, I enjoyed seminary life, studies, and the honor of spending time with David and others. Sincerely, Jim Tolson Chicago, Illinois Prayer Requests in Open Hands? At an informal meeting of people interested in Reconciling Congregations at our annual conference, we discovered that there is a need for connections which we think Open Hands might meet. In our discussion, we discovered one of the problems is that those of us who get involved in justice issues around the issue : of homosexuality are often scattered without support. For that reason, we began to discuss the ways in which we : could get accurate information about where there is a problem. I proposed a "prayer chain." • Would it be possible for you to have a section of Open Hands where you could list prayer requests by first name? Then someone, such as my friend who is receiving grief from her Pastor-Parish Relations Committee about being supportive of gay/ lesbian Christians, could drop you a postcard. You would then include a short statement of her prayer request, which those of us who read Open Hands could then read and faithfully pray for. We hope that you will see our request as what it is, a much needed resource for • support for those who are willing to tackle justice issues regarding people who are gay or lesbian. I appreciate your work on Open Hands. Even having a magazine about Reconciling Congregations is a helpful • move in the right direction. Let's think of • a few more steps we might take as we encourage each other along this journey of faithfulness. Sincerely, Peggy L. T. Garrison Park Ridge, Illinois [Editors' note: We welcome prayer requests. They will be printed in the letters section.] • You are invited to exchange ideas, comments. and reactions with other readers : through this new, regular feature of Open Hands. Send your letters to: Open Hands, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, D.C. 20026. -The editors 21 Rep Report New Reconciling Congregations Metanoia Peace Community (Portland, Oregon) Metanoia Peace Community was begun in 1986 with the intention of fostering a deeper commitment to Christian discipleship and community life than is experienced in most other congregations. Persons can become members of the community after at least 12 months of mentoring and training. Members agree to live in a covenantal relationship which includes specific disciplines of personal and community life. Each member is expected to pursue an inward journey (faith development) and an outward journey (mission) through weekly meetings. The community currently has 11 covenanting members and about 50 active nonmembers. The variety of missions in which Metanoia is involved includes an income-sharing household devoted to radical community, a ministry to persons experiencing grief ranging from a death in the family to the death of Mother Earth to the loss of one's naive faith in human nature, and a women's group which explores feminine spirituality and feminist issues. The church is also a sanctuary congregation, participating in the Portland Sanctuary Coalition. The congregation gathers every Sunday evening in space shared with another United Methodist congregation for worship, learning, and a common fellowship meal. Metanoia unanimously decided to become a Reconciling Congregation in June. ecumenikos (Mission, Kansas) ecumenokis is an alternative housechurch style faith community, formally affiliated with the United Methodist, United Presbyterian, Mennonite, United Church of Christ, and Christian (Disciples) denominations, but open to people of any faith as well as those who are "spiritual seekers." It was chartered in 1973 and was originally conceived as a mission-oriented, nontraditional church with a high degree of lay empowerment. Seventeen years later, ecumenikos is still faithful to much of its original model. The congregation has resisted building an edifice and meets in homes, community centers, and parks. Two members are periodically chosen to serve as parttime lay ministers, but leadership for all community functions is shared among all members. ecumenikos has no specific religious creed or doctrine, nor does it have formal membership requirements, other than giving a "covenant statement" based upon what each person is willing to commit to. All decisions are made by consensus. Members are expected to live their lives consistent with their personal beliefs. The congregation advocates seeing Jesus as a model for . that kind of living. The congregation's involvement in various collective ministries reflects those areas where individual members have felt called and also reflects a strong commitment to ecumenical efforts, particularly in peace and justice concerns. The congregation's decision to go on record as a Reconciling Congregation came about, in part, through a request to sponsor a gay ministerial student for ordination. The congrega-. tion said "yes" to this call and has joined congregations in other denominations who support inclusive and reconciling ministries. Annual Conference Update As the United Methodist annual conferences across the country met this May and June, several were confronted with actions related to Reconciling Congregations and ministry with lesbians and gay men. Here is a brief look at actions taken by some conferences. Several annual conferences dealt with decisions about becoming a Reconciling Conference. In the Wyoming conference (northeastern Pennsylvania and southeastern New York), a two-year designation as a Reconciling Conference was overturned by a narrow vote. However, the conference did encourage all local churches to study becoming Reconciling Congregations. The Baltimore and Minnesota conferences appointed task forces to explore becoming a Reconciling and/or Transforming Conference and report back to next year's sessions. The Oregon-Idaho, Wisconsin, and Eastern Pennsylvania conferences received reports from Reconciling Conference task forces and decided not to become Reconciling Conferences at this time but to continue study and dialogue on the conference and local church levels. The North Central New York conference encouraged its local churches to study becoming Reconciling Congregations. The Iowa conference received a report from a task force on ministry with homosexual persons and encouraged local churches to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Related to the issue of lesbian/gay "holy unions," Bishop Joseph Yeakel (Washington Area) publicly read his decision overturning Dumbarton UMC's (Washington, D.C.) policy on blessing same-sex relationships, while encouraging the conference and congregations to continue to study this. In Wisconsin, Bishop David Lawson was asked to make an official ruling on the conference's ban on holy unions being performed by University UMC (Madison, Wisconsin). Such a ruling would have been subject to review by the Judicial Council, the "supreme court" of the UMC. However, Bishop Lawson ruled that this request was out of order and declined to make an official ruling. Related to the ordination of lesbians and gay men, the clergy members of the Western Penn- Open Hands 22 In response to the suspension, over 100 gay and lesbian Lutherans demonstrated outside the denominational headquarters in Chicago on July 20. The demonstrators burned a copy of the ELCA's decision to suspend the two congregations. A spokesperson for Lutherans Concerned said, " We call the church to repentance for its lack of vision and courage, for its postponement of justice, and for its irrelevance in the lives of lesbians and gay men hungering for righteousness and truth." MFSA Recognizes Reconciling Congregations Recipients of the Methodist Federation for Social Action (MFSA) annual Lee and Mae Ball Awards were Dumbarton UMC (Washington, D.C.) and St. John's UMC (Baltimore, Maryland), both Reconciling Congregations. The Ball Awards recognize UMC leaders in biblical justice and social action. MFSA also recognized UMC pastor Rev. Jimmy Creech for his leadership in opposing violence against the gay and lesbian community in Raleigh, North Carolina. Because of his public support for les- ARIW~A Tucson St. Francis ill the Foothills CALIFOR~IA ALbany Albanv UMC BerkeleY Trinity UMC Fresno Wesley UMC Los Angeles United Universitv Wilshire UMC ' MiLpitas Slumyhills UMC San Francisco Bethany UMC Calvary UMC Hamilton UMC Trinitv UMC Santa Monica Church of Ocean Park Va caville S1. Paul 's UMC West Hollywood Crescent Heights UMC COWRAOO Denver St. Paul 's UMC bian/gay concerns, Creech's former congregation, Fairmont UMC, asked the bishop not to reappoint him as their pastor. The two rural chnrches to which Creech was subsequently appointed refused to accept him, and . the bishop placed him on "leave of absence" from active ministry. The MFSA executive committee specifically declared its support for Dumbarton UMC's policy on "holy unions" and committed MFSA to help link lesbian and gay United Methodists across the denomination with UMC congregations and pastors . willing to provide them with "full pastoral services." Also, the Wisconsin MFSA chapter • presented its annual Perry Saito Award to University UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Madison, • Wisconsin. · Reformed Jews Affirm · Lesbian/Gay Rabbis Reformed J udiasm has joined the • small but growing number of • American religious institutions which • affirm lesbian/gay leadership. Meeting in Seattle in June, the 101st Convention of the Central Con• ference of American Rabbis approved a resolution which states that "all Reconciling Congregations DISTRICT OF COLUM BIA W ashinl:,'ton Christ UMC Dumbarton UMC GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-AJdersgate UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albanv Park UMC Irving' Park UMC United Church of Rogers Park DeKalb University UMC Evanston Hemenway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Park Euclid Avenue U~C K ANSAS Mis.~ioll ecumenikofl WUlSIAl'llA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC MARYLA;~D Baltimore St. John's UM C MDiNESOfA M inneapolis Prospect Park IJMC Walker Community UMC Wesley UMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC l\EW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC N ew York M etropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC OHIO Toledo Central UMC OR EGO," Estacada EstacadaUMC Portland Metanoia Pl'acc Community rabbis, regardless of their sexual orientation, be accorded the opportunity to fulfill the sacred vocation which they have chosen." The resolution was part of a report which a special committee had prepared over the previous four years. Reformed Judaism, with an estimated membership of 1.5 million, is the most liberal and also the largest branch of Judaism in the U.S. While the resolution was a major step in the endorsement of lesbian/gay rabbis, one observer noted that it was largely symbolic because the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion already has a policy of admitting lesbians and gay men to the rabbinical training program. Lesbians and gay rabbis must still be concerned about placement, which is the final decision of the congregation. The report approved also states "in light of the limited ability of the Placement Commission or the Central Conference of American Rabbis to guarantee the tenure of gay or lesbian rabbis who 'come out of the closet; the committee does not want to encourage colleagues to put their careers at risk."~ r'EN,\SYLVA"\JA Philadelphia Calvarv UMC First UMC of Germantown TEi\i\ESSEE Nashville Edgehill (jMC WASH1NG1UN Seattle Capitol Hill UYlC Wallingford UMC WIS(;()NSI~ Mlldi~o" Univt'rsity UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC Reconciling Conferences California-N(,vada New YiJrk Northern Illinois Troy Reconciling Organization Methodist Federation for Social Action 24 Summer 1990 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 6 No 1 - Telling Our Stories: Ministries of Inclusiveness https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/9887283f4d50b1e905b455524e0d3a85.pdf 51003ea3376a72086ba146e2e728185e Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 5 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1990 Publication Date The date the issue was published Spring Text Any textual data included in the document Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Inc.. as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network. Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries. the program provides resource materials. including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congrega tion. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington. DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Acceptance and Spirituality in Recovery ......... . .. ... .... . . .. .. . 4 Thom Harshman Alcoholism and Drug Dependence among Lesbians and Gay Men ... 7 Tim Davis and David Hudson HMy Story: From Pain Relief to Addiction" .. ... ...... . . .. .... .. 8 Tim Davis HRick's Story: Chemical Dependency and AIDS" .. ... . . .... . . . .. 9 David Hudson and Tim Davis 12-Steps Examined .. ......... .............. ............ ........ 10 M. Burrill Sexual Addiction: An Inside View .. .. ..... .. . .. .... .. ...... . .. .. Il Hooked on Food: Sustenance or Suicide .......... .... ........... 13 Ruth Lipschutz Breaking the Silence: Codependence and Abuse in Lesbian/Gay . . . 16 Relationships Mary Gaul and Nancy VanArsdall Jones Sustaining the Spirit ..... . . ...... .. . . ..... ... ...... ... .. ... .. .. 15 HService of Healing" Resources .... ..... .... ........ .. ................ ... ... .. .. ... .18 Special Report ... ......... .. ....... ....... .. ..... ...... .. ...... 20 RCP Report . ... ...... . . . ..... .. .. . ... ..... ..... . . .. .... .. . ... . 24 Acceptance and Spirituality in Recovery ... ... ...... .. ......4 Thom Harshman 12-Steps Examined . . . . . . . . . .. 10 M. Burrill Open Hands 2 Journeys Toward Recovery and Wholeness T houghts of an "addict" or "alcoholic" often conjure up mental pictures of derelicts and stumbling bums on the street. In reality, hundreds of thousands of people, people we know and love, people we interact with daily, struggle with various addictions. Research indicates that alcoholism and drug abuse are more prevalent in the lesbian/gay community than in the population at large. The same is likely true for other addictions as well. For these reasons, we offer this issue of Open Hands on addiction and recovery. Addictions can be divided into two major categories: substance and process. Both function in essentially the same way and produce the same results. In substance addictions, the alcohol, drugs, food, etc. ~re ingested. Such substances are mood-altering and create an increasing physical dependency. Process addicts are hooked on a specific series of actions or interactions, such as work, sex, or codependency. The key to addiction is a person's use of or relationship to a process or substance: Is it used to avoid what is going on inside that person? Does it take on a life of its own? Does that process or substance take precedence over family, friends, or personal health? Both substance and process addictions are included here. Along with information on the nature and progression of addictions, we offer the human side-people telling their own experiences with addiction and recovery from alcoholism, drug dependency, sexual addiction, and food addiction. Codependency and its relationship to abuse in gay and lesbian relationships and the role spirituality plays in addiction are both highlighted here also. Addiction touches our lives and the lives of many around us in often invisible ways. Our intention is to shed light on this painful topic and offer the hope of recovery to those in need. Next Issue's Theme: Celebrating Reconciling Ministries Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Tim Davis Mary Z. Longstreth Graphic Design Supon Design Group, Inc. Opt>n Hand... is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.I. Single copies are available for $,') each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Opt'n Hands P.a. Box 2:~6:H) Washinbrton. DC 20026 Phone: 20UH63-1.,)H() Copyright © 1990 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Spring 1990 Acceptance and Spirituality in Recovery by Thom Harshman o A s a child, I had a favorite game. I loved placing my hands over my eyes and then creating a small space between my fingers through which I : could see the world. The world, as seen through this o tiny crack in my hands, was manageable to me. I made o the claim of power over it, for it was finally reduced to a o size that matched my sense of my size. I believed I had o control; I felt safe. Yet the game would not last forever. o Sometimes, I would be intrigued by noises from things : outside my field of sight. Other times, someone would o abruptly end my play or I'd simply become tired with o my limited vision. However the game concluded, I would o end up seeing the world more fully. Addictions and recovery are much like my little game. o Covering our eyes can be a way of describing the addic: tive process. Each of us has a particular way of viewing o the world. We decide that how we see the world is the o full way the world is. We learn the belief that, if we gain o power over the world, we will be safe. This is akin to o viewing the world through the cracks between our fino gers. As -we live with our worldview, we resist believing : that anything exists outside of our perception, for then o things over which we have no control might also exist. As life proceeds, we receive more information about o the world. Some of this information differs from our o world view and seems to come from outside the percepo tual crack between our fingers. As new information o enters our awareness, we have basic directions in which o we can move. We can broaden our perception of the world and expand our experience of life. Or we can minimize and ignore that this new information is real, or important, and thereby maintain our illusory sense of power. The degree to which we are locked into our perspective of the world is the degree to which we are addicted. Addicted to our worldview, we need compulsions to help us ignore noises from outside our limited field of vision. When I was a child and did not want to hear my sister calling me as I played my game, I would put my thumbs in my ears and hum. Sometimes I'd have to hum loudly. But I could always find a way to distract myself from her so I could continue to play the game. I maintained the illusion that my world was all there was. Now as an adult, when I need to ignore new information about the nature of my reality, I can drink, use drugs, eat, focus on others' behaviors, or obsess on sex, weight, exercise, work, or gambling. I can even hum religious tunes loudly. I develop the delusion that my reality is the only reality. The stronger our addiction to our world view becomes, the stronger the behaviors needed to maintain this delusion become. As these behaviors take over our lives, we begin to sense discord. We experience ourselves increasingly out of step with reality, and at the same time our compulsions distract or numb us from these sensations. This process is terribly discouraging and is usually Open Hands 4 described as the feeling that we are losing control. We are losing control-control, that is, of our ability to ignore the world that exists outside of our field of vision. Our compulsions are not working as effectively as they had in the past. As we sense our loss of control, we become terrified, and we attempt to control more powerfully. Our compulsions now begin to take on a life of their own beyond their original purpose of distraction. Our delusions grow, along with the numbness to our distorted reality. We begin to feel crazy. We hum louder in a fearful attempt to maintain our limited vision. Our lives are llllmanageable. Our fear heightens. Hopelessness further overwhelms us. Then comes the miracle-but differently for each one. Some become curious about those "other" noises. Sometimes, others intervene on our illusion or we become exhausted with the price we pay to block out reality. Sometimes the story of another person offers a glimpse of possibilities. However it occurs, the gift comes-a moment in which hope becomes stronger than fear. The unknown "perhaps" becomes preferred over the known "pain." The attraction of control is overcome by the invitation of freedom. Acceptance is the beginning of freedom. For me, acceptance occurs each time I recognize that my fingers are limiting my experience of the world rather than giving me power over the world. Acceptance is the beginning of freedom from my need for addictions-addictions that distract me from reality. Acceptance becomes freedom from the illusion that my view of creation is complete and therefore safe. It neutralizes the intoxication of control. At times, ministry, for me, is intoxicating. I become addicted to controlling by serving. This is a pious form of workaholism which follows the same compulsive dynamic. My pattern began with my hope to find ways to serve God. I discovered ministry and "responded to God's call." In my parish, I could serve God through various church activities. I would develop how I thought a particular activity should proceed. I would decide that God's spirit would be most present if this activity were to occur according to my plan. Over time, I became quite adept at figuring out how I might best manipulate people and events so the outcome would fit into my plans. I would spend hours strategizing over whom to call first and what to say when. As the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" says, I began to "arrange" the whole "ballet." I became convinced that it was my activity that was creating healing experiences within the congregation. The more enamored I became with my power, the less I trusted in God's spirit moving within our church commllllity. If events seemed to shift in directions other than toward my vision, I would work harder, strategize more diligently, telephone more emphatically. Instead of looking for the direction God was taking an activity, I became more invested in squeezing God into my plan. The more out of control events seemed, the more I attempted to control. I worked harder and longer. I forgot that I am a conduit for God's power and began to experience myself as power itself. I believed that my actions truly controlled events. Not at all coincidentally, I had less and less energy to look at other issues in my life. I Spring 1990 would separate these facets of myself into my "personal" as opposed to "professional" life spheres. I did not have the time to hear beckonings from my sexuality. I did not have the energy to develop a more vulnerable intimacy or a more integrated lifestyle. I could not look at these things. After all, I had been called to serve God. And then came the miracle. Weary with my efforts to control, I was reminded that it is God who is God. I began to believe that there were many ways to follow God's movement within the parish and within my being. I entertained the thought that God may view shifts in direction as opportllllities for new growth. I then began to, as I called it then, "look for God in the midst of the path on which I travel." God reminded me that my viewpoint is transcended by and held within God's viewpoint. Each time I accept that, I am freed. Acceptance, as the beginning of recovery, is the belief that I need not assert my perception of reality as full and unchanging. With this initial gift of recovery comes freedom from the illusion that controlling my view of the world provides safety. In my life, I began to believe that there are other possibilities-that God offers a variety of ways of being, of serving, and of living. Acceptance is freedom from the arrogant idea that I can control God's spirit, that I have full llllderstanding of God's will. I can believe, with childlike wonder, in discovering. With acceptance, I am freed. Spiritual recovery is the liberation that occurs each time I move my fingers from my eyes and thereby expand my experience of myself, others, and God. I can now embrace a broader view of reality. In fact, life now embraces me. Spirituality is in that moment when I am active in accepting and passive in receiving God's embrace. The hope offered by acceptance comes to fruition in spirituality. I can actively choose to see the world more and more fully. Throughout his ministry, Jesus offers attention to this activity. Recently, I was reflecting on the account in the Gospel of John of the healing of the one born blind. I wondered, "How am I blind?" My pondering took me into dusk whereupon I found myself enjoying the setting of the Sllll. As I looked at this sunset, I noticed "flaws." There were asymmetrical clouds, ill-placed holes, and mismatched hues. Yet, as I viewed these "flaws" in the context of the whole sunset, they really were not flaws at all. In the sunset, I experienced richness, beauty, lllliqueness. It struck me-lam blind to how God sees me. God sees me in much the same way that I view a sunset. Where I see shameful qualities about who I am, God sees the wonderful diversity of God's creation in my lllliqueness. Where I harbor guilt for the things I have done, God holds awe at my creative response to situations. Where I play the internal tapes about how I am or how I ought to be, God hears the rich orchestra of possibilities, of discovering the sounds of yet unfinished scores. My blindness can be healed by the limitless sight of God. My guilt can be transformed by the gentle touch of God. I can hear wisdom in the powerful voice of God. With spirituality, every moment becomes an opportllllity to enjoy an expanded vision of life's events. Spiritual recovery involves continually pushing out the edges of my experience of who or what God is by asking anew, "How does God interact with my life, and how am I to respond?" In a way, the action of moving my 5 • fingers from in front of my eyes is as simple as this ask· ing of new questions. By re-creating new questions, I see • myself, others, and God in ever broader, richer contexts. How am I called to serve others today? Where is God's · compassionate movement within me, towards me, hap · pening in this moment? How am I in awe of God to · day? In what way can I be there for God? Acceptance and spirituality as facets of recovery cannot be separated much the same way as faith and works cannot be separated according to the New Testament. They are interdependent. For recovery to transcend being simply another addictive way of viewing the world, we need both the passive humility of acceptance and the active creativity of spirituality. At the same time, we need the active choosing of acceptance and the passive waiting of spirituality. The paradox comes alive. The bottom line supporting the connectedness of acceptance and spirituality in recovery is that, like faith and works, both receive their energy for existence from the font of creative energy that is of God and is God. Countless hours were occupied by my childhood game. Yet it would always end. The world would teach me why I was not born with my hands covering my eyes. Yes, it did offer a measure of power and a sense of safety. I liked that part. But as soon as I would move my hands, I would realize that these didn't hold a candle to the quality of life outside my blinders. You see, fingers that cover eyes can't hold caterpillars or dig in gardens for worms. Hands limiting one's view can't clap with glee. Thumbs in one's ears can't be locked together to make a church. Arms used to block one's sight can't hug. Ah, awe; sweet freedom, sweet liberation. Thom Harshman is an ordained minister in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), serving as hospital chaplain with primary responsibility for a chemical dependency unit in Orange, California, and is personally involved in a 12-Step program. Some Important Definitions Addiction-Addiction is an experience. It exists when a person's attachment to a sensation, an object, or another person interferes with that individual's life. The addicted person has become increasingly dependent on that experience as his or her only source of gratification. Addiction, like any serious disease, is progressive. It keeps the addict unaware of her or his "internal landscape" of feelings. In turn, this lack of internal awareness deadens internal processes, which in turn keeps the addiction going-a cycle. As addicts lose touch with themselves, they • II also lose touch with people in the world around them. Addiction dulls and distorts sensory input. The addict is aware that something is wrong but feels increasingly powerless and worthless. Regardless of the addiction, it takes more and more to create the desired effect and no amount is enough. If a person cannot cease after being sated, if a person cannot be sated, she or he is addicted. Psychological security is what is wanted above all. Codependency-An addiction to another person or persons and their problems, or to a relationship and its problems. It involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving towards oneself and others that causes one pain. When people refuse to be codependent, addictions do not get the support they need to continue. Eating Disorders-Addiction to eating, to not eating, or to eating a huge quantity of food then desperately trying to get rid of it . • Anorexia-Self-starvation • Bulimia-Bingeing and purging through vomiting and/or use of laxatives or diuretics. • Compulsive Eating-Eating in response to feelings rather than hunger. Obsession-Persistent and unescapable preoccupation with an idea or behavior. Compulsive-A compulsive act or behavior is one that a person feels compelled or driven to do rather than having a choice to do. Dysfunctional-Not functioning in a healthy, whole manner. The following terms often have different shades of meaning depending on the person using them. Individuals recovering from addictions use and define terms to have specific meaning to their personal situation. Abstinence-Refraining from addictive behavior or substances. Program-A plan of action for recovery from addiction. People in 12-step programs often speak of "working a program" of recovery-that is, using the 12 steps to recover from their addiction. Recovery-Actively working on personal growth and change towards wholeness. Involves awareness and behavior. Often used as "in recovery" from an addiction. Sobriety-A state of being where one is abstinent and working a program of recovery. Open Hands 6 Drug Dependency Among Lesbians Alcoholism and and Gay Men by Tim Davis and David Hudson I n many minds, the word alcoholic implies the image of the skid row bum. Only 3 percent of the alcoholics in the United States are on skid row. Many of the other 97 percent have homes, families, and • jobs. About 45 percent are professional or in managerial positions, 25 percent are white-collar workers, and 30 percent are manual laborers. Over half have attended college; only 13 percent have not finished high school. Often people deny that alcohol is a drug, because it can be legally purchased over the counter at almost any store. Alcohol, however, is very much a drug, producing all the classic signs of addictions: As individuals become addicted, they experience changes in tolerance-that is, their brains adapt to the presence of high concentrations of alcohol or other drugs. They also experience withdrawals when the alcohol or other drugs are ceased. They often lose control of how much they consume or for how long. Alcohol and drug dependency are chronic, progressive, and potentially fatal diseases. As they progress, individ• uals often experience problems in their relationships, • families, employment, and sexual functioning. They can also fall into financial, legal, and spiritual bankruptcy. What was once a social glass of wine or a tranquilizer • or a sleeping pill to relieve stress becomes an obsession • to obtain the substance and to maintain a euphoric high • or blackout where they do not remember what they said • or did or how they got home the night before. Dependency on alcohol and other drugs is a particularly serious and tragic problem in the lesbian/gay community. Thirty percent of gay men and lesbians are thought to have very serious problems with alcohol or other drugs, compared with 10 percent of heterosexuals. A variety of factors probably account for the significant difference between the gay/lesbian and heterosexual populations: 1) For many gay men and lesbians, the gay bar is the focal point of their social lives, partly because of the lack of other places (such as churches or social settings) where they can comfortably be themselves. 2) Abuse and dependency behaviors are frequently used to aid in coping with life in an often hostile and antigay society. 3) Gay men and lesbians commonly lack validation from society, media, and families. Spring 1990 Probably fewer than 10 percent of all the victims of alcoholism and drug dependency ever receive help, and this percentage is almost surely even lower for gay men and lesbians. Gay and lesbian alcoholics and addicts can face a double stigma that often compounds their denial of dependency. Not only do they face the difficulty of acknowledging their drug dependency or the extent of their usage; they can also be afraid to acknowledge their sexual orientation due to prejudices (or fear of prejudices). As a result, lesbian/gay addicts far too frequently never get to treatment. It is easy to see why many gay men and lesbians with drug-dependency problems question whether treatment will help. Not only the lesbian/gay community, but also the rest of society, including churches, must acknowledge a few basic facts: 1. Lesbian and gay alcoholics and addicts are less likely to have supportive family structures to help their efforts to not drink or use drugs. The need for family participation is critical in recovery, and efforts should be made to help develop surrogate families for support after lesbians and gay men are discharged from treatment. 2. The need for interventions to halt the active drinking/using stage must be more widely recognized. This could be achieved by reaching socially isolated gay men and lesbians and by removing the threat of exposing one's orientation, while educating everyone that drug dependency, including alcoholism, is a disease and not a moral issue. 3. Effective treatment for gay men and lesbians requires a setting that offers drug-free re-entry into the lesbian/gay community as well as society-at-large. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) groups that specifically serve lesbians and gay men often can fill this need and function as a social activity too. Many gay/lesbian alcoholics and addicts are comfortable in primarily nongay AA and N A groups, but others feel a need for meetings where they can more comfortably be open and honest about their sexual orientation. 4. Heterosexual therapists working predominately with heterosexuals often strongly discourage gay/lesbian alcoholics and addicts from going to gay bars. It is not uncommon, however, for several members of a gay/lesbian AA or N A meeting to go as a small group to such a bar to socialize. Therapists need to recognize that bars 7 • serve a different, primarily social function for gay men • and lesbians than for heterosexuals, who generally go to : a bar specifically to drink. S. Gay men -and lesbians often need on-going therapy • after treatment to deal with issues about shame, guilt, • and rejection by family, employers, and friends. On• going individual therapy allows them time to understand • and accept their sexuality. · My Story: · From Pain Relief to Addiction I grew up as an only child with both my parents be• ing alcohol and drug dependent. I decided by age 8 that • I would never be like them. Many nights I would lay awake and listen to their irrational arguments, which ap: peared to be induced by alcohol and prescription drugs. • By age 10, I identified my maternal grandmother as the • only significant person in my life. An active member in • the Methodist Church, she was very consoling of much • abuse I received from my father. Nevertheless, she ac• tively enabled my parents' abuse by making excuses for : their behaviors and rescuing my mother's financial prob• lems. As I got older, I realized that my maternal uncle • and grandfather were also addicted and that my only • thread to sanity was my interaction with my grand• mother. I always felt shame and embarrassment about • my family's behavior. With my grandmother's insistence, my grandfather • went to church with a hangover. Once during the ser• vice, my grandfather was snoring, and the minister said, • "Marley, wake up; you must have had a good time last • night." My grandmother felt undue shame, and my • grandfather never returned to church for 20 years. At age 13, I was injured in a speedboat accident that • was a result of my father's intoxication. I still recall the • embarrassment of wearing a body cast and trying to ex• plain how the accident occurred without implicating my • father and his alcoholism. Our hometown doctor was • very understanding and prescribed mood-altering drugs : to relieve the pain. As I became more aware that I was gay, I believed • that no one in my family or in the church would accept • me. To eliminate the emotional pain of being gay, at age • 20 I used more drugs and abused alcohol. Quickly I • learned that I could acquire more drugs by seeing : several doctors for the pain caused years before in the • boating accident. While in college, I was active in · various organizations but lived a double life because no • one really knew the other side of me. I was gay and • coped with the isolation and shame by using alcohol and • other drugs. During my late teens and early twenties, I became • angry at my family and church because I knew they • would never accept me for being gay. After graduation · from college, I became a teacher in special education, • and the following year I was promoted to an admin• istrative position in which I supervised six school • cooperatives. For the next eight years, I was able to sup• press my feelings regarding my sexuality and was never • confronted about my alcohol and drug addiction. Finally • I decided I could not live like that any more, and I quit • my job. By then, my grandfather was active in AA, and • my uncle had about 10 years sobriety. I tried to quit : drinking and drugging on my own with no success. I · 8 had lost the suppon of my family and was unemployed. I finally decided to go into treatment but feared they would find out I was gay. In fact, no one in treatment ever asked me if I was gay, straight, or bisexual. Nevertheless, I feared that, if they knew I was gay, they would ask me to leave treatment. After treatment, I did not deal with my sexuality for another year for fear of being rejected by my therapist and my friends in AA. I have now been sober for nine years, but working a program of recovery has not been easy. For several years, I found myself fighting to maintain another day of sobriety. One of the most difficult issues earlier in my recovery was developing a concept of a higher power (one of the 12 steps) because I blamed all my problems on God. Today, however, I feel an inner peace that has given me an inner serenity-and that I would never trade. Earlier I mentioned that my parents, grandfather, and uncle were all alcoholics or addicts: My mom now has S years of sobriety; my father is still in denial of his Open Hands alcoholism; my grandfather died last year with 22 years of sobriety in AA; my uncle remained sober for 15 years •but went back to drinking and was dead within 3 weeks. Alcoholism and dependency on other drugs are diseases of denial. As it says in AA, "There by the grace of God go I." -Tim Davis Rick's Story: Chemical Dependency and AIDS Rick is a 27-year-old bisexual male who lives with his mother and stepfather in Indianapolis. According to Rick's mom, he was a typical child with no unusual problems in school. He was liked by all his teachers and peers in school. At age 17, however, Rick started using marijuana on a daily basis and also started skipping classes. When his mother confronted him about this behavior, he became belligerent and left home, eventually moving to Florida. He began acting out sexually with older women and with males his own age. When he was 20, his natural father died. By then, he had begun using cocaine intravenously, knowing that if he smoked it he would not stop until the supply ran out. Soon thereafter, Rick was arrested and convicted of theft and dealing cocaine and was sentenced to 10 years in a Florida prison. Then, after two years, he was diagnosed with AIDS and was granted clemency to return home to Indianapolis to die. Since his return, Rick and his mother have redeveloped a close relationship. They have each been able to verbalize their unresolved anger towards the other and their grief over Rick's father's and sister's deaths. Rick now works as a volunteer at Indianapolis's Damien Center, a support facility for persons with AIDS, persons infected with the AIDS-causing human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), and their family members. He has given numerous talks to doctors, nurses, and other health professionals. Rick still looks healthy and has a lot of energy. Until recently, he could water ski nonstop all day. In the past month, however, he has developed pneumocystis pneumonia, lost 20 pounds due to diarrhea, and contracted hystoplasmosis, a lung infection that healthy immune systems can generally fight off but that persons with AIDS often cannot. About eight months ago, Rick entered a treatment center for his cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol dependence. The evening nurse there would not allow other patients to eat out of the same popcorn bowl that he was using. The following morning the staff was in conflict whether other patients could get AIDS by eating after him. This conflict was two weeks after an in service training on AIDS for the center's staff, so they should have known better. Rick was extremely agitated while in treatment because he was afraid his peers would discover he had AIDS. He decided to tell his therapy group that he had AIDS, but that he got it by shooting up cocaine intravenously. The group was extremely divided in its reaction, and several decided to avoid him. In the last three months, Rick has become more open about his bisexuality. On a local TV interview, he was asked how he contracted the virus, and his response was "by a dirty needle, or sex with a man or woman. It really doesn't matter how I got it. What really matters is that J did get it, and I am learning to live with it." I t is becoming increasingly apparent that approximately two-thirds of the men and women at the Damien Center in Indianapolis are not only HIV+ but exhibit either alcohol or drug abuse/dependency as well. Perhaps this should not be surprising, considering both the disproportionate incidence of alcohol and drug dependence in the lesbian/gay commun!ty a~d the fa~t that intravenous drug use is a proven hIgh-rIsk behaVIOr for HIV infection. But there is more to the linkage. Alcohol and other drugs function by themselves to weaken the immune system. According to some studies, just a few beers can render the T-4 cells in a person's blood 25 to 250 times more susceptible to HIV infection. Opiates such as heroin are known to suppress the function of T-4 cells, and, although marijuana has not been well studied in humans, it has directly affected the ability of N -K cells to function in animals. Animal studies also indicate that cocaine may be able to speed up the replication of HIV in already infected cells by up to 1,100 times.l In addition, a person who is intoxicated or under the influence of mood-altering chemicals is far more likely to engage in unsafe sex or share needles for drugs because his or her inhibitions are reduced. I t is hard enough for lesbians and gay men in many places to find alcohol and drug treatment centers that specialize in gay/lesbian issues. Being HIV+ or having AIDS complicates treatment even more. In working with alcoholics or other addicts, there often is an underlying issue of shame and guilt over one's past. This shame can be even more complicated if a person has AIDS. In addition, homophobia among nongay therapists and other patients can be a major roadblock to recovery for persons who have AIDS or who have tested HIV+. The challenge to service-providing centers such as Damien Centers and alcohol-and drug-dependency clinics is to develop programs and treatment for gay/lesbian addicted individuals who have AIDS or are HIV+. Meeting the challenges posed by these multiple problems will not be easy for treatment centers. Not only are the affected individuals dealing with their various dependencies, they are also dealing with their own immortality on a moment-by-moment basis. : -David Hudson and Tim Davis 1. Larry Siegel and Milan Korcok, AIDS: The Drug and Alcohol Connection (Center City, Minn.: Hazelden Foundation, 1989), p. 26. Tim Davis has a master's degree in addictionology and family therapy. He worked in the area of chemical dependency for eight years and is presently in private practice working in chemical dependency, codependency, and AIDS. David Hudson, ACSW, is a case worker at the Damien Center in Indianapolis. He has made numerous speaking engagements on AIDS and was honored as 1990 Social Worker of the Year for the state of Indiana. Spring 1990 9 o Begin any inquiry into the nature and treatment of addictions and one quickly discovers the "12-step" approach. The original 12-step recovery o program was Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Its success o has spawned a wide variety of recovery programs pat- o terned after the 12-steps of AA. Twelve-step programs o are available for alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, como pulsive overeaters, sex addicts, adult children of al- o coholics, family members of alcoholics, and survivors of : incest, to name a few. Many therapists and people in recovery agree-12-step o programs work. Many people, having tried many other o alternatives, have had their lives saved and are recovering o from their addictions because of 12-step programs. What o is so appealing about them? What is it that works? o • Twelve-step programs are programs for the total person. They address not only the physical addiction but mental and spiritual aspects of life as well. o • Twelve-step programs have been instrumental in taking addictions out of the realm of morality and into the realm of disease. The program helps participants realize that it is not a person's moral weakness that causes the addiction. This effectively unloads the weapon of blame that addictive persons so swiftly and devastatingly aim at themselves. o • Twelve-step programs provide an accessible, working system, a plan for a person's recovery: follow the 12-steps, attend meetings, work with a sponsor, and you're on your way to recovery. Support for recovery is even available when traveling. Any major city, most medium-sized towns and some small towns offer 12-step meetings that will often feel familiar to visitors. • Twelve-step programs are self-help groups-people in recovery helping people in recovery. No trained experts lead the process. The lack of hierarchy is stressed. Guidance through sponsorship is provided by those who have been longer in the program and can share their experience, strength, and hope. 12..Steps Examined by M. Burrill • Twelve-step programs provide community. Their success is enhanced by connecting people to one another. Discovering that you are not alone, there are others with similar thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, helps to end the isolation that is characteristic of addictions. Through phone lists, sponsors, sharing at meetings, people are encouraged to support, seek support, and maintain contact with one another. This is a key aspect to many people's recovery. My mother always used to say, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." So where's the catch? If 12-step programs are so wonderful, why isn't every addicted person in recovery? Denial keeps people from recovery. Many people deny that an addiction exists, so why be in recovery? But others not in denial have tried the 12-step approach and found it not for them. Upon closer examination, several difficulties appear. • The 12-steps originated to address alcoholism. Those same steps have been applied to many other situations. Are all addictions the same? You can live without alcohol and drugs, but not food. Addictions to gambling, sex, and love do not involve substances at all. Can the same 12 steps really adequately address such different scenarios? Some say, "No, the differences are too great." • To those with a feminist awareness, the sexist nature of the 12-step approach, both in language (referring to a patriarchal God as He) and in theory (stressing powerlessness when women are already in powerless positions relative to men's positions in society) often becomes untenable. Several women have tried to address these issues by rewriting the stepS.l These concerns are rarely mentioned ,in mainstream 12-step groups. • The God-centered nature of the 12-step approach keeps away some, especiallY lesbians and gay men,2 Open Hands 10 who have been rejected or judged by religious people and institutions and, as a result, want nothing to do with God or anything "religious." T welve-step programs are the road to life for many recovering addicts. Their effectiveness and strengths are immediately evident. Significant criticisms also exist. The dialogue continues to the end that help in recovery from addictions might be available and effective to all who are in need. : Notes 1. Gail U nterberger, "Twelve Steps for Women Alcoholics," The Christian Century, December 1989, and Jean Kilpatrick's 13 steps of "Women for Sobriety." • 2. For discussion of political issues of lesbians and gay men in 12-step recovery programs, see "Getting to Serenity: Do Addiction Programs Sap Our Political Vitality?" Out/Look, Summer 1988, p. 10. M. Burrill is coeditor of Open Hands. The 12 Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol*-that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had hanned, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, * and to practice these principles in all our affairs. *This is adapted to the addiction relevant to each 12-step program. Spring 1990 Sexu al' Addiction: An Inside View I don't remember the first time I masturbated. I do remember the loneliness and depression that masturbation kept me in for 12 years of my life. I remember using people for sex-if I was sexual with someone, we could be friends; if not, I had little interest in that person. At the age of 15, I was raped by a man I babysat for. It wasn't a violent rape, but he was twice my age and I didn't know how to say "no." I never had an orgasm with him, but we were sexual many times over the next 6 years. I used masturbation to deal with the pain of having been raped and became addicted to it. It was the fastest way I knew to have a few moments of feeling good when inside I felt so bad. . Through prior abuse and neglect from my own famIly, I became codependent. I didn't know what I needed, what I felt, or what I wanted. The emptiness from not knowing myself was filled by using sex, but eventually that became too painful also. When I was 19, I began drinking. I used alcohol for eight years to numb the pain of my codependency and sexual addiction. At one point, I became very " religious," but I had no spirituality. I would go to church every time the doors were opened. Once again I was seeking something on the outside to make me feel good because on the inside I was dying emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. I decided that I would be OK if I could just get a college degree, so I joined the Army to get money for school. Once I enlisted, I was put into an environment that was perfect for a codependent and an addict. I was told what to do, when to do it, and where; I didn't have to think. I found other codependents and addicts. If I needed a fix with alcohol or sex, it was readily available. In three years, I went through 25 relationships. I used my many sexual partners and drinking buddies to help fill my emptiness inside. r had no purpose in life; it was only a day to day struggle. Since I was disconnected with my own feelingsphysically, intellectually, sexually, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally-I couldn't get close to anyone else 11 Today In recovery I have more friends, love, and peace in my life than I've ever known. either. I only knew how to connect through sex or alcohol. When I was alone, I would cry and not know what I was crying about. I hated the thought of working and had no interest in anything outside sex or alcohol. When I look back on pictures of myself, I can see the depression on my face. Yet I had no one to talk to; I felt no one would understand what I was going through. I was stationed in Germany, and on Saturday morn: ings I would always get up and start the day with a • beer. One Saturday morning the beer didn't make me • feel better; in fact, I started crying and couldn't stop. I • looked at the beer and told myself that when I got back to the United States I would quit drinking. When I did get back to America, I lasted six days without a drink. I went and got one beer, came home, and called Alcoholics Anonymous. I went to my first meeting, and my life has never been the same. I went from a living hell to actually being glad I was alive. After eight months of sobriety in AA, something was wrong, and I knew I was going to drink. I called my sponsor, and she had me go through the 12 steps to examine my relationships. When I did my 5th step with her, she discovered that I was using sex just as I had used alcohol in my life. She sent me to Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), and once again my life has never been the same. After working that program for a year, I still couldn't stay sober from sex for over a month. I kept getting sick physically, and I was always going to my doctor for something. One day it was suggested to me that maybe my physical problems were coming from something that was going on with me mentally. I'd been keeping a journal so I started going back to find what it might be. The word codependent kept popping up. I joined a 12-step program that dealt specifically with codependency, and I was able to start getting longer periods of sobriety within my SAA program. Today I know my sexual addiction and alcoholism were just symptoms of my codependency. Helen Keller once said that, before her teacher came along, she was a nobody in a no man's land and did not know that she was. For me it was codependency, sex, and alcohol that kept me from knowing who I was; for others it's cocaine, working, gambling, or buying-the list goes on and on. We addicts lose ourselves through our addictions, but most of us were lost before we started using our addictions. Today in recovery I have more friends, love, and peace in my life than I've ever known. When I'm alone, I don't need a chemical or sex to make me feel. I know how to go within and feel love and peace without needing something outside myself. Today I'm connected with myself physically, intellectually, spiritually, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. Today I'm living life, not just surviving! The author is a woman who lives in Indianapolis. Some Basic Statistics about Sexual Addicts • 81 % were sexually abused at some time in their life. • 52% were clinically depressed at some time. • 72% were physically abused at some time. • 97% were emotionally abused at some time. • 40% of all fathers and 18% of all mothers of sex addicts were also sex addicts. • 38% of all fathers and 26% of all mothers of sex addicts were alcoholic. • 43% of all mothers of sex addicts had eating disorders. Open Hands • 12 Hooked on Food: ~I Sustenance or Suicide 1 by Ruth Lipschutz Cocaine, heroin, marijuana, alcohol-most people would readily admit that these are all potentially lethal drugs. Many of these same people, however, would laugh if they were told that a doughnut could be fatal or a package of cookies could result in suicide. Our society portrays food as a harmless and acceptable medium for showing love or giving a reward. But food is no harmless substance for people suffering from an eating disorder. To them it is an addictive and potentially lethal drug. Eating disorders are progressive and life-threatening addictions.] Anorexia nervosa and bulimia are the most publicized eating disorders. However, the most common form of eating disorder, compulsive eating, is also the least known. They are not separate addictions, only facets of the same disease. The word disease is used because many believe there is a physical basis to eating disorders, as well as other addictions, though the research in this area is still in its infancy. Eating disorders affect every area of a person's life. They interfere with normal development physically, emotionally, and spiritually. As in other addictions, eating disorders are fueled by and in turn exacerbate a sense of shame in which persons feel not that they are doing something bad, but that they are "bad," "worthless," or "flawed." Self-hate grows in direct proportion to the time one carries the horrible secret. I have lived my whole life with an eating disorder. Before beginning my recovery nearly nine years ago, I experienced every aspect of the disease-anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive eating. As far back as I can remember, food was my best friend. It was my comfort when nothing or no one else was available. I was a chubby kid and was teased for this. I was aware my mother felt I was "too fat," but she never dealt with me directly on this topic. She used food with me as a reward or as a substitute for time together. She especially used sugar, which is a highly addictive and mood-altering substance for many people with eating disorders. The occasions I looked forward to were all around food. I would even steal money to buy candy or sneak cookies and candy off store shelves. In retrospect, I see that food kept me numb during many painful periods of Spring 1990 my life. I cannot remember a time I would eat only one of most foods. I always wanted more. My self-image as I became a teenager was fairly poor. Around age 15 everyone in my family went on a diet. Theirs lasted a few days. Mine lasted 12 years. Through periods of dieting, starving, bingeing, and purging, my weight went up and down like a yo-yo. First came a period of anorexia. In anorexia, persons starve themselves for an extended period of time. I would only eat tiny bits of food. Many days I fasted. I knew how many calories were in every consumable substance. I was obsessed with my body and with being thin. No matter how much weight I lost, it was never enough-even when I reached 70 pounds. Exercise became another obsession, and I would feel fat if I did not do my regular daily routine. My behavior became very rigid and ritualistic, especially around food. Things had to be prepared, cut, and eaten in a certain way, or I felt panicked and furious. My menstruation stopped, and I became tired easily. The more I tried to control my eating, the more out of control I felt. Despite my refusal to eat, I was obsessed with food. I would even take cooking classes and offer to cook for others. Starving is one side of the binge-purge cycle. When I would start eating after a fast or starving on small amounts of food for days, my body needed and craved sustenance. I was malnourished, and my body was trying to tell me it needed more. Frequently, I would binge when I started eating. A binge could be anything from eating the equivalent of a couple of meals at one time to consuming boxes of cookies, whole cakes, or other foods. At age 17 I ended up in a psychiatric hospital due to my depression. The staff there addressed some family issues, but at that time eating disorders were not well known. The most crucial and fundamental issue of my addiction was never dealt with at all. I stopped starving myself soon after discharge. Very quickly I gained a tremendous amount of weight, more than doubling it in a short amount of time. I was eating everything in sight. Many days I would not eat a regular meal but would "graze," eating little bits (which quickly become bigger bits) of food all day long. 13 At 18 I discovered I could make myself vomit. For the o next nine years, I binged and purged through vomiting or starving. I tried every diet that came out but would always gain back the weight or give it up quickly. My menstruation stopped again. What self-esteem I had was o slipping away. Even vomiting blood did not stop the o vicious cycle I was on. I knew something was wrong with my relationship with food as early as age 15, but my pride and denial refused to allow me to accept the truth. Most of all, I o felt ashamed. I had no idea anyone else behaved as I o did. There was no doubt in my mind that they would be o disgusted if they knew, as I was with myself. The worst part of the disease, for me, was carrying around this awful secret. It exacerbated the feelings of shame-that something was fundamentally wrong with me-that I still carried from childhood. Food became more and more important in my life. I o used it to numb myself as any other addicts use their o drugs. My thinking was affected. At times I felt paranoid, as if everyone somehow knew what I was do- o ing. My concentration was poor. I became more and : more isolated with my best friend, food. Repeatedly, I o made myself promise to stop, only to break my promise. o The desire to eat was overwhelming. I felt like an animal in a cage. My binges became worse. I would consume larger and larger quantities of food. Binges were often planned, and I would spend exorbitant amounts of money on my food. The quality of my life : became worse and worse. Therapy had always been my answer when I felt unable to resolve issues in my life. At age 27, I went for an evaluation with someone who specialized in eating disorders. For the first time, a name was given to my problem, and I had the first real awareness that I was not alone. Eating disorders have several characteristics in common. These include an obsession with food and weight, a distorted body image, feelings of shame and self-hate, a belief one can "control" the eating, an inability to remember the feelings attached to the last binge or purge episode, a feeling of being "different," as well as serious physical complications. A common factor in all addictions is a strong presence o of denial. Addicts may be truly convinced they do not o have a problem. Not that persons with eating disorders o lie to others, but denial is so strong they believe the lies o they tell themselves. Many experience a great deal of : pain before realizing the old ways of coping are not o working and need to be changed. One of the most devastating beliefs of people with o eating disorders is that they could stop the destructive o behavior themselves if they really wanted to, if they just o had enough willpower. The sufferers themselves believe : this myth and berate themselves for being weak, lazy, or o undisciplined. None of these are true. Persons with eat- o ing disorders could no sooner stop using food on their o own than alcoholics or drug addicts could stop abusing o those substances on their own. Only with help in re- o covery is it possible to develop a healthy relationship : with food and let go of self-blame. Recovery is a lifelong process to be taken one day at a o time. No one way is the "correct" way for everyone to o recover from an eating disorder. What is important is o the realization that as powerful and devastating as the : 14 disease is, recovery is possible. The first steps are accepting that something is wrong and the problem cannot be handled alone. Addictions are spiritual disorders as well as emotional and physical. They destroy our connection with ourselves and others, and to God or a Higher Power. Recovery primarily addresses the spiritual level, reconnecting or healing our separation from self, others, and God. Without proper attention to this crucial aspect of recovery, relapse is inevitable. Healing on the spiritual level, as well as emotional and physical levels, gives us back the power to define ourselves and be who we want to be. Recovery can be found in many places. Groups such as Overeaters Anonymous, based on the 12 steps of recovery of Alcoholics Anonymous, provide simple and effective programs for physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery. Inpatient and intensive outpatient programs offered through facilities and hospitals have worked for some. Individual therapists who specialize in dealing with eating disorders and understand the addiction process can also be helpful. A combination of these has proven successful for many people. Eating disorders, as other addictions, affect the entire family. Denial can be just as strong among family members as in the addicted person. Families can help by recognizing and expressing feelings, acknowledging that something is wrong, and seeking education and support for themselves. Without this, family members can become focused on "controlling," "fixing," or "blaming" the addict or themselves. O-Anon groups, 12-step support groups for families and friends of food addicts, are available in some areas through Overeaters Anonymous. Some clinics, hospitals, and private therapists also offer family support groups. Recovery is not easy, but I would not trade my worst day now for my best day before. I have learned how to go through the pain and feel the relief at the other end. When I abstain from the behaviors my disease triggers, I go through those feelings once. When I eat (drink, do drugs, etc.) to avoid the pain, I go through it a million times. Today, with help from my support system and my Higher Power, food does not control my life. My selfesteem is not determined by the bathroom scales or other external sources. I have my life back. The connection to myself, my friends, and my Higher Power is a gift no money could buy. No food or drug could bring me the sense of love, acceptance, and serenity I have experienced these last nine years. I have found that life can be more than mere painful survival. It is possible to walk out of the darkness of shame and self-hate and into the light of recovery. Note 1. For further information regarding eating disorders, including symptoms and medical and nutritional complications, contact the author Ruth Lipschutz at 6031 N. Rockwell St., Chicago, IL 60659. Ruth Lipschutz is a bilingual (Spanish/English) psychotherapist in the Chicago area. She specializes in substance abuse, eating disorders, adult children of alcoholics/ dysfunctional families, and sexual abuse. Open Hands Sustaining The Spirit 4. SERVICE OF HEALING · Call to Worship • L: We gather as a people When we are guilty with a guilt that will not • P: Who would learn to be faithful; leave us in peace; • L: Who yearn to find ourselves acceptable; Then, 0 God-heal us ...strengthen us ... feed • P: Who seek to accept one another; us ...forgive us. : L: Who seek the healing and wholeness of God. L: And bring us through birth and rebirth. • P: Who are we? ALL: Through giving and forgiving • L: We are the song, the singer, and we listen for the Through loving and loving kindness song. Through using us and preparing us for use We are the love, the lover, and we are beloved. Through judgment and grace We are the bread, the breadmaker, and those Into citizenship in the community filled ...those hungry. Where all are sinners, yet all are accepted We are the gift, the giver, and we receive. All are judged, yet all find mercy We are the wound, the healing, and the healers. All are limited, yet all are ministers, grateful citizens,· Hymn of Praise Loving children of the community of • "God, You Spin the Whirling Planets" God. Amen. Words by Jane Parker Huber Tune: Austria Hearing the Word II Kings 5:1-14 · Naming our Brokenness Mark 5:25-35 • L: What are those things, personal and corporate, Prayers of Response which stand in the way of our transformation? L: Let us offer our prayers for ourselves, others, and · Prayer of Confession and Hope the world. • ALL: Eternal God, Litany of Anointing When our eyes are too full of our own visions; L: We live in this world that God has made. When our ears are too full of our own P: There is no one in this world that God did not sounds; make. When our mouths are too full of our wisdoms; L: No one is hurt without hurting all. When our hearts are too full of our own P: Until all are healed, all are wounded. concerns; L: All are invited to heal and be healed. Receive the Break through-oil on your forehead, then anoint the person next to Liberate us from the narrow worlds which you, saying, "(name), you are healed." constrict our souls; Liberate us from the fear which blinds us to Song of Healing the newness of your work on the horizons; Liberate us from the preoccupation with the "Song of the Soul" trivial and uneasiness with what is great; Words & music by Cris Williamson Liberate us into the community of God. • L: And when the hurt in our souls is deep: This service of worship was developed by Betty Jo · ALL: When we feel weak at the beginning of a Birkahn-Rommelfanger and Carol Larson and mighty task; members of the Northern Illinois Conference for the When we are parched for the water of life and convocation of Reconciling Congregations, February hungry for the bread of heaven; 16-18, 1990. 15 • • Spring 1990 Codependence and Abuse in Lesbian/Gay Relationships C odependence is a name that describes behaviors resulting from internalized oppression, low selfesteem, emotional repression, loss of internal boundaries that protect an individual's sense of selfintegrity, and a sense of hypervigilance to the judgments, needs, wants, and feelings of others. For codependents, it is as if other people and situations have control of their individual sense of themselves. The ability to experience their own feelings and thoughts as their own may be impaired by being totally focused outside of themselves. In other words, codependents view their world from the outside in rather than from the inside out. Allowing others to define their own experience of self, they are unable to honor their own integrity while at the same time respecting the integrity of others as separate from their own. Particularly extreme forms of codependence are emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Such abuse can occur in any dysfunctional relationship, whether heterosexual or lesbian/gay. It is hard enough for heterosexual persons to acknowledge the abusive relationships within their ranks. For lesbians and gay men, making this acknowledgment can be even tougher, due to fear of supporting the stereotypical perception that we are sick, depraved, and unable to love in a healthy manner. Nevertheless, when lesbian/gay abuse is kept "in the closet," the result can be even greater dysfunction. Codependence, Dysfunctional Families, and Children When a person grows up in a dysfunctional family, she or he will almost certainly become codependent to a greater or lesser degree. No one knows exactly what proportion of families in the United States is dysfunctional, but many authors feel that 90 to 95 percent of American families have some sort of serious dysfunction. This may reflect the stress placed on nuclear families as opposed to extended families, which had been the norm until 60 to 75 years ago. • 16 by Mary Gaul and Nancy VanArsdall Jones Dysfunctional families commonly share a variety of characteristics: a primary person causing stress (a "stressor") such as a workaholic, alcoholic, and/or emotionally absent parent; denial and delusion; absence of intimacy; shame-based, rigid roles. Individual needs are sacrificed to the family's system, and especially to reacting to or controlling the stressor. Emotional repression, combined with low-grade anger or depression, is the norm. Either open conflict or an unspoken agreement to never disagree exists, as do irrevocable rules manifested in perfectionism, control, and blame. The more each person in the family plays his or her role, the more the system stays the same. This unchanging, closed nature of the dysfunctional family makes it almost impossible to leave in a healthy manner. In other words, an individual in a dysfunctional family feels negated and violated. Children in such families are treated as objects to be controlled, as reflections or extensions of a parent or parents who need the children in order to feel complete. The result, of course, is the breeding of emotional hostages. They commonly exhibit such negative behavior as fits of rage, symptoms of emotional neglect and abandonment, and drunkenness, and eventually lose their own identity, their own connection with self. These children learn some basic core beliefs: Don't talk about feelings; It's best to deny wants and needs; You can't trust anyone to consider your wants or needs; Communication is best if it is indirect; Be strong, be right, be good, be perfect (unrealistic expectations); Don't be selfish; Don't rock the boat; Don't get caught; Do as I say, not as I do. And, unfortunately, these beliefs may lead the children, in turn, to become abusive once they reach adulthood. Codependence, Homophobia, and Lesbian/Gay Relationships As adults, feelings of love, caring, and needing are very threatening for the person who has experienced (or continues to experience) personal abuse and/or societal Open Hands oppression. These feelings not only can trigger a sense of shame, of inadequacy, of deprivation, of wanting the basic human need for love to be met; they can also lead to the terrifying fear that this need won't be met, sometimes evoking a sense of shame for even having such a need. American culture, like many cultures of the world, is one in which being a heterosexual, white male is the norm and people who don't fit into that norm find themselves without power. Codependence is the societal standard for relationships between men and womenthat is, men are dominant over women via power, money, career, and status. One result is the tragedy of battered women. Fifty percent of all battered women in heterosexual relationships stay in their relationships for economic reasons. As long as their children aren't battered, the battered women tolerate the abuse and try to work things out, due to their lack of personal financial resources. Similarly, lesbians and gay men generally carry the heterosexual model of dominance/submissiveness as the only model available in this culture for our intimate relationships. This situation is made still more complicated for us because we can internalize homophobia, carrying the same negative messages about homosexuality that society, church, family, and others have taught us. Most often, abuse in lesbian/gay relationships is not recognized. Instead, it is minimized and tolerated due to internalized homophobia, self-hatred, and adherence to the heterosexual patriarchal norm of codependence. Thus, gay or lesbian abusers victimize their partners verbally, emotionally, and/or physically as manifestations of their extreme need to control and dominate. Abusive episodes may be followed by expressed remorse, desperate pleas, promises of never "losing control" again, and/or efforts at convincing the abused that they brought the violence on themselves by their own behavior and therefore it is up to them to do something to prevent future abuse. In our opinion, gay/lesbian individuals generally remain in abusive relationships due to extreme codependence. Both the abuser and the abused suffer from internalized oppression, believing the previously mentioned stereotype that they are sick, depraved, and unable to experience healthy love. Gay/ lesbian couples maintain abusive relationships as long as they (like much of society) perceive themselves as less than human, unworthy of loving or being loved. Neither the abuser nor the abused is able to experience self-respect with the other. Talking openly about abuse in such relationships with therapists, social workers, legal officials, or other outsiders is very difficult. Reports of abuse are not taken seriously, are viewed as "normal" for "abnormal" homosexuals, and/or are considered "just dues" for sick perverts. Thus, gay/ lesbian people have greater difficulty than heterosexuals in seeking help if they desire it. Healing from Abusive Relationships Healing from abusive lesbian/gay relationship must include confronting the homophobia that is inherent in them, as well as nurturing a sense of self that can function without the need to control/dominate others or the need to be submissive to attain a feeling of being cared for. According to the German philosopher Johann Wolf- Spring 1990 gang von Goethe, partners in healthy, adult, loving relationships become the caretakers of each other's solitude. Life-affirming loving relationships have no dichotomy of dominance/submission. Each person sincerely desires and is committed to working within a context of mutuality and reciprocity. Being human means we all struggle with feelings of shame and fear of rejection and abandonment. Being healthy means we learn to tolerate these feelings, knowing that they are fears and feelings, that they will give way to other perceptions, and that numerous options for responding to such feelings are available. Being healthy as gay men and lesbians in an often hostile, sick culture means that we do not oppress ourselves; our sense of self, our integrity, is not defined by the culture anymore. The best hope for all people-heterosexual, lesbian/gay, and any other category-is to work at letting go of violence/dominance/submissive dynamics so that we can create a truly more gentle, reverent environment within the spirit, where the individual can embrace himor herself as a whole person and no longer be dominated by the feelings of fear and shame that dictate behavior in the chronic codependent model we have all been trained to accept as the norm. Mary GauL, Ed.D, and Nancy VanArsdall Jones, M.A., have a private practice in psychotherapy in IndianapoLis. They also pubLish Lavender Visions, a Lesbian feminist pubLication addressing spirituaLity, poLitics, culture, and other varied issues and topics. They may be contacted through Lavender Visions, P.O. Box 321, ZionsviLLe, IN 46077. 17 Resources LJ Addiction and Recovery-General Black, Claudia. Repeat after Me. Denver: MAC Publishing, 1985. Bradshaw, John. Bradshaw on: Healing the Shame that Binds You. Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 1988. Klaas, Joe. The 12 Steps to Happiness. Rev. ed. New York: Ballantine, 1990. Rosellin i, Gayle, and Worden, Mark. Barriers to Intimacy: For People Torn by Addiction and Compulsive Behavior. New York: Ballantine, 1990. Schaef, Anne Wilson. When Society Becomes an Addict. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1987. Sunshine, Linda, and Wright, John W. The 100 Best Treatment Centers for Alcoholism and Drug Abuse. New York: Avon, 1988. Bradshaw explores how shame can drive and reinforce compulsions, codependencies, and addictions, while Rosellini and Worden discuss the destructive effects that addictions and compulsive behaviors can have on developing and maintaining intimate relationships. Schaef looks at addictions as part of an all-encompassing societal matrix and shows us how to think and act more freely, challenging readers to move beyond their own dependency issues. Klaas breaks down the "12 steps" to explain them in ways applicable to anyone recovering through an Anonymous program, while Black presents a workbook that is designed for adult children of alcoholics but is helpful for anyone trying to identify and deal with feelings, behaviors, and family patterns. The 100 Best Treatment Centers in-eludes consideration of programs that specialize in treating lesbian/gay addicts or persons with AIDS. Chemical Dependence Alcoholics Anonymous. 3rd ed. New York: Alcoholics Anonymous, 1976. Allen, Chaney. I'm Black and I'm Sober. Minneapolis: CompCare, 1978. Kominars, Sheppard B. Accepting Ourselves: The Twelve-Step Journey of Recovery from Addiction for Gay Men and Lesbians. New York: Harper and Row, 1989. Mongeon, John E., and Ziebold, Thomas 0., eds. Gay and Sober: Directions for Counseling and Therapy. Binghamton, N.Y.: Harrington Park, 1985. Siegel, Larry, and Korcoh, Milan. AIDS: The Drug and Alcohol Connection. Center City, Minn.: Hazelden Foundation, 1989. V., Rachel. A Woman Like You: Life Stories of Women Recovering from Alcoholism and Addiction. New York: Harper and Row, 1985. Alcoholics Anonymous is the socalled Big Book presenting AA's program of recovery and 44 personal stories. Kominars evaluates the 12 steps from a gay/lesbian perspective, while Mongeon and Ziebold present scholarly essays exploring relationships between alcoholism and homosexuality. Siegel and Korcoh discuss the special role that providers of chemical dependency treatment have in dealing with people at high risk for AIDS. Allen tells her story of growing up in poverty as the daughter of a strict minister; of progressing into alcoholism-induced pain, blackouts, and violent relationships; and of dedicating her life to helping other alcoholics once she became sober. A Woman Like You presents the stories of 19 women from varied backgrounds who are all recovering from alcoholism or other addictions. Food Addiction Chernin, Kim. The Hungry Self: Women, Eating, and Identity. New York: Harper and Row, 1985. • Orbach, Susie. Fat Is a Feminist Issue II. New York: Berkley Publishing, 1982. Ray, Sondra. The Only Diet There Is. Berkeley, Calif: Celestial Arts, 1981. • Roth, Geneen. Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating. New York: Signet, 1984. Roth outlines a positive program • for resolving the conflicts at the root : of eating disorders so that one can • develop new eating habits and become more self-aware. Ray looks at • one's relationship to her-or himself • with activities to develop affirmations and positive strategies specific to that person; her premise is that negative • thoughts and feelings lead to negative eating patterns. Chernin examines contemporary female identity and its relationship to eating disorders, while Orbach offers a down-to-earth guide for women with activities designed to conquer compulsive eating. Sex Addiction Carnes, Patrick. Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Minneapolis: CompCare, 1983. Open Hands 18 Schaef, Anne Wilson. Escape from Intimacy-Untangling the "Love" Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1989. What Everyone Needs to Know about Sex Addiction. Minneapolis: CompCare, 1989. Carnes's book is a landmark work for anyone concerned with sex addiction; he describes this addiction, family systems that can produce it, and the 12 steps to recovery. Schaef explores how addictions to sex, romance, and relationships are formed and how recovery can be possible. What Everyone Needs . . . offers a brief introduction to concepts of sex addiction and codependence, including 110 questions describing thought and behavior patterns of sex addicts and codependents. Codependence Beattie, Melody. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. New York: Harper and Row, 1987. and Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time. New York: Harper and Row, 1989. Bradshaw, John. Bradshaw on: The Family-A Revolutionary Way of Self-Discovery. Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 1988. Mellody, Pia. Facing Codependence. New York: Harper and Row, 1989. Schaef, Anne Wilson. Co-Dependence: Misunderstood-Mistreated. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1986. Drawing on her own experience, Beattie discusses codependence and offers a plan for recovery in Codependent No More. In the sequel, she explores how to love, affirm, and nurture oneself. Bradshaw synthesizes ideas from various disciplines and draws them together to offer practical tools for moving away from codependence to self-acceptance, while Schaef traces the history and development of the concept of co• dependence and discusses its often confusing overlapping definitions; she also discusses the cultural context of codependence and its implications and treatment. Mellody discusses how one can acknowledge past abuse and learn to nurture oneself and one's children to end codependence's intergenerational cycle. National Organizations and Hotlines The following national contacts can : offer guidance to self-help and treatment programs in local areas across • the country. Adult Children of Alcoholics-P.O. Box 3216, 2522 W. Sepulveda Blvd., Suite 200, Torrance, CA 90505; 1-213-534-1815. Alcoholics Anonymous-Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10017; 1-212-686-1100. AI-Anon and Alateen (families and friends of alcoholics)-P.O. Box 862, Midtown Station, New York, NY 10018; 1-212-302-7240. 24-hour information line, 1-800-356-9996 (in NY, 1-800-245-4656) . Codependents Anonymous-P.0. Box 33577, Phoenix, AZ 85067; 1-602-944-0141. Food Addiction Hotline-1-800-U SA-0088 Narcotics Anonymous-P.0. Box 9999, Van Nuys, CA 91409; 1-818-780-3951. Nar-Anon {families and friends of drug addicts)-P.O. Box 2562, Palos Verdes, CA 90274; 1-213-547-5800. National Association of Lesbian and Gay Alcoholism Professionals (lesbian/gay-sensitive recovery programs)-204 W. 20th St., New York, NY 10011; 1-212-713-5074 National Council on Alcoholism-12 W. 21st St., New York, NY 10010; 1-800-NCA-CALL National Institute on Drug Abuse-I-800-662-HELP : Overeaters Anonymous-P.0. Box 92870, Los Angeles, CA 90009; 1-213-542-8363. • O-Anon (families and friends of compulsive overeaters)-P.O. Box 4305, San Pedro, CA 90731. • Sex Addicts Anonymous-P.0. Box 3038, Minneapolis, MN 55403; 1-612-339-0217. • Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous-P.O. Box 229, New Town Branch, Boston, MA 02258; 1-617 -332-1845. • Women for Sobriety (women alcoholics)-Box 618, Quakertown, PA 18951; 1-215-536-8026. · For More Resources • Yoder, Barbara. The Recovery Resource Book. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1990. The above resources are only a few • of the publications and organizations serving people with addictive be · haviors and their loved ones. Many more are examined in Yoder's comprehensive guide to recovery resources in the United States. Individual chapters focus on specific addictions and behaviors, such as alcoholism, abuse of street drugs, compulsive overeating, codependence, and love and sex addictions. Additional chapters address the "special issues" of dual disorders, incest and abuse, and AIDS. Within each chapter, selfhelp and treatment programs are profiled, national organizations and hotlines are noted, and worthwhile books and magazines are reviewed. The alcoholism chapter includes separate sections on resources for female, ethnic, older, gay/lesbian, deaf, and young alcoholics. Spring 1990 19 Special Report ~ As 200 voices exuberantly sang "Walls that divide are broken down, Christ is our unity!," bright sunshine broke through the heavy rainclouds that had hovered over San Francisco all day. This auspicious beginning to the second national convocation of Reconciling Congregations was a harbinger of the experience to come. They arrived from all around the country-from 25 different annual conferences. They endured flight delays and detours caused by Midwestern snowstorms and Bay Area rains. Many were skittish about encountering the national reconciling movement for the first time. Some came to ascertain what, if anything, the Reconciling Congregation Program had to offer their local church. Some came questioning whether there was any place left in the church for lesbians and gay men. Others came for spiritual nourishment and mutual support on their faith journey. This reconciling community gathered under the theme. Renewing the Vision: Parables of Hospitality, Healing, and Hope. They sang ...prayed ...told stories ...studied the Bible ... listened ...planned ...cheered ...laughed ... cried. They found a community that cared and loved each of its members unconditionally ...a community that gently nudged them forward on their faith journeys ...a community that envisioned a whole church which would be reconciled. The convocation ... had all the qualities of an oldfashioned Methodist camp meeting! Rev. Dennis Alexander Wesley UMC, Minneapolis Each of the three days of the convocation focussed on one aspect of the theme. Bishop Melvin Talbert set the tone of hospitality on Friday by welcoming participants to the San Francisco area of the United Methodist Church and challenging Reconciling Congregations to continue their faithful witness. The concern for healing was woven through the worship, Bible study, and workshops on Saturday. That night's gala banquet provided an experience of healing through celebration. Sunday's workshops, Bible study, and stirring closing worship expressed hope for the reconciling church. Symbolic of its desire to model the inclusive Body of Christ, the convocation included a special youth program. The youth present from around the country joined in the convocation worship and celebration, met separately for dialogue sessions, and trekked around San Francisco. About 35 of the persons present had also participated in the first gathering of Reconciling Congregations in Chicago in March, 1987-a watershed event in the history of this movement. One of these participants exclaimed as she left: "I didn't think any event could surpass the first convocation, but this one was even better!" Worship Common worship was an integral part of the weekend experience. The opening liturgy reminded participants that, even as a diverse group of persons, they shared a common journey. Preacher Jim Conn (pastor of the Church of Ocean Park in Santa Monica) dared participants to reveal even that which they think is The convocation ... was full of breath and life. It was symbolic of the way that the Holy Spirit is blowing through the UMC. Re\'. Dana Carroll Troy Conference • unspeakable about human sexuality-in • order to be prepared to offer complete • hospitality to the world. Conn's frank · language captured peoples' attention • and set a tone for seriously grappling • with the faith issues confronting om movement. Saturday's preacher, Rev. Janie Spahr (director of the Presbyterian More Light · Ministry in Marin County, California), reminded Reco)1ciling Congregations of the gift of healing they have to offer lesbians and gay men. She told delightful stories of seeing God's presence in the lives of lesbians and gay men. Spahr challenged the congregations to dare to dream of the day when the church will be freed of homophobia and heterosexism. The community then practiced this ministry of healing by anointing one another with healing oil and remembering that "until all are healed, all are wounded." Open Hands : 20 The convocation closed on Sunday afternoon, as it began, with worship. In her sermon, Reva Anderson (member of Central UMC in Toledo) challenged participants to return home with a message of hope. This task is not easy-so often the words of hopelessness confront us in society and in the church. Anderson reminded the community that the true hope to which our movement lays claim is in Jesus Christ. The worship closed with the Eucharistic meal. Participants gathered in an unbroken circle. Each participant was given seeds and commissioned to "go forth and plant these seeds in the soil of your congregation and community." While sharing the communion meal, the community sang "We are a gentle, loving people ...we are singing for our lives" and "We shall overcome someday." True to its Methodist roots, the convocation's worship was enlivened by rousing congregational singing. Several participants remarked that they'd love to take this congregation home with them in order to hear such spirit-filled singing more often. Bible Study One plenary session each day was devoted to Bible study. Co-leader Joan Martin (codirector of the Church and World Institute at Temple University) was unable to attend due to a family emergency. Rev. Art Brandenburg (district superintendent in the Eastern Pennsylvania Conference) ably assumed the full mantle of leadership. The Bible studies were conducted with small groups gathered around tables in the large hall. In an introductory session on Friday afternoon, Brandenburg invited each small group to use remembered Bible passages to construct a call to justice for our movement. These messages were shared on Friday night in what many participants thought was one of the most stirring parts of the weekend. The large hall grew very still as individual voices offered hope-filled words from our tradition, for example: Let us remember that perfect love casts out fear, for God so loved the world, not just this group or that group, for God shows no partiality. It is God's truth that shall set us free. God is in Christ, reconciling the world unto God's self. Blessed are you when people persecute you for righteousness' sake, then justice shall roll down like water and righteousness like an everflowing stream! Murmurs of "amen" and "yes, Lord" were offered in thanksgiving for each of these gifts. As one participant remarked, the convocation "claimed the Bible as a source of strength and revelation, and longed for that day when the Spring 1990 Bible ceased to be used as a weapon against lesbians and gay men." Through worship, Bible study, workshops, meals, and conversation, the focus was constantly to seek the healing and wholeness of God that would liberate us. Lois Seifert Claremont UMC Claremont, California Friday night's session looked at the sometimes troubling story of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 11 for what it can reveal to us about being a "people of hospitality." Saturday's lively session centered on the story of Jesus healing . the possessed man (Legion) among the tombs in the Gospel of Mark. The final session dealt with Jesus' post-Resurrection appearance on the road to Emmaus in the Lukan gospel. Brandenburg continually challenged the community to translate the Biblical stories to the contemporary setting-to discern the Biblical message in the context of their lives. Persons responded enthusiastically to this challenge and discovered messages which were humorous, illuminating, and inspiring. Workshops Sets of workshops were offered on Saturday and Sunday. The workshops dealt with the concrete reality of local church ministries-how reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men can be enhanced and how the national movement can be strengthened. Participants found the workshops to be a welcome opportunity to talk about the joys and the struggles of their particular congregations and to hear the stories of others. A workshop on "How RCs Are Growing" used Wallingford UMC in Seattle as a case study of how a local church can use being a Reconciling Congregation as a tool for church growth. "Opening Dialogue" offered resources and discussion on beginning the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. "Lesbian/Gay Politics American Style" provided ideas and support for local churches advocating lesbian/gay rights in their local COill21 munities. Witnessing to and building support for the Reconciling Congregation Program in annual conferences and regions was dealt with in "Sharing the Vision of Reconciliation." Strengthening the linkages between Reconciling Congregations across the country was the subje~; of "Empowering our RC Network. The love {shown} at the convocation was unconditional. No wonder Reconciling Congregations are growing. Mike Alexander Bethany UMC, San Francisco Other workshops developed skills in dealing with lesbian/gay concerns in racial minority communities, engaging in ministries with persons with AIDS and families of lesbians and gay men, using storytelling for spiritual growth, and educating children and youth about sexuality. The workshops were all led by skilled volunteers from Reconciling Congregations and other friends of the movement. This diversity of proficient and creative leaders again testifies to the strength of this movement. Celebration Convocation participants took a needed break on Saturday afternoon to explore San Francisco, while preparations were being made for the banquet that evening. A local team, led by Jerry Brown (Calvary UMC) and Lorraine Moore (Bethany UMC), transformed the meeting hall into a festive rainbow of colors and cooked a splendid meal (in a site with no kitchen facilities). During the evening's celebration, Bishop Melvin and Lucile Wheatley were recognized for their steadfast witness to the reconciling movement over many years. Mark Bowman and Beth Richardson received a special award for envisioning and providing national leadership to the Reconciling Congregation Program during the past five years. A focal point of the celebration was a 12' x 12' quilt symbolizing the reconciling movement. Each Reconciling Congregation had been invited before the convocation to create a panel which was representative of their particular community. These panels were stitched together, interwoven with the convocation theme of "hospitality, healing, and hope," by Charles Berkstresser (Bethany UMC). This huge tapestry was then hung on the front wall of the hall. During the banquet, a member of each congregation was invited to briefly describe its panel. The community applauded and cheered as delightful stories and new meanings were revealed for each individual panel. The quilt is now being displayed at Bethany UMC in San Francisco and will be available to travel to other Reconciling Congregations around the country. Unquestionably, the highlight of the celebration, and perhaps the whole weekend, was the premiere performance of Paschal Pains and Platitudes: A Flower Song. Julian Rush (St. Paul's UMC in Denver) wrote this original musical for the reconciling movement. Sixteen volunteers from among the convocation participants gathered early Friday morning, before the convocation opened, to begin rehearsing for the performance. Under Rush's direction, they rehearsed for the next 36 hours whenever possible-during program breaks, during meals, and late at night-to prepare for the Saturday night premiere. Their performance was a smashing success. Paschal Pains and Platitudes is a parable of hospitality. Flowers live securely in rich soil within the garden wall. The flowers consider the "gulus," who live outside the wall, to be weeds and bar them from entering the garden. This convocation is a reality check for me-it affirms that I'm not the only person crazy enough for God to go out on a limb with the UMC. Chip Aldridge Dumbarton UMC Washington, D.C. Even when one of the gulus becomes ill and needs the nourishment of the garden soil, the flowers remain adamant in their exclusion. When the sick gulu dies, the rest angrily plan to storm the garden wall. However, the gulus' energy is redirected to another member who Open Hands 22 has fallen sick. The tension builds and the performers remind us that this impasse is not resolved-there is still no "happy ending" to this story. The audience was captivated by the melodious songs and diversity of musical styles which Rush wrote for Paschal Pains and Platitudes. The performers were mightily cheered for the ability to learn and perform the musical in less than two days. Of course, many participants asked to get a copy of the musical to perform in their local communities. The musical has not yet been transcribed (Rush accompanied the performance himself without written music). But plans are under way for the Reconciling Congregation Program to publish the musical in the next few months. Youth Activities As one sign of the movement's resolve for the future, Reconciling Congregations were invited to send a youth representative to the convocation. Five youths participated--each from a different part of the country: Ohio, Wisconsin, Illinois, Oregon, and California. After participating in the opening sessions, the youth retreated to their own space to get to know one another. The youth soon discovered their commonalities and bonded into their own family-they were often seen bounding arOlllld . arm-in-arm. In their own sessions, the youth talked about their experiences in Reconciling Congregations. They discussed their relationships with lesbians and gay men-as parents or friends or fellow Christians. They talked about ways they could be a witness in their congregations and in their peer groups, helping to overcome fears and prejudices. The convocation was an exciting experience of making great friends, sharing ideas, and just having fun ....many times better than I expected. Elizabeth Bowman Cleveland, Ohio IVIost importantly to them, the youth toured around San Francisco-riding on the cable cars, visiting the Hard Rock Cafe, and shopping in the waterfront shops. The significance of the youths' presence in the convocation was demonstrated by their leadership role in the closing worship service. Going Forth Hugs, smiles, and tears were lovingly exchanged as this newly formed family dispersed to their local communities on Sunday afternoon. Reconciling Congregation members carried new ideas and renewed energy back to their local churches. Others departed with a heightened resolve to lead their congregations toward becoming reconciling communities. Church leaders conveyed stories a'ld images of this vibrant movement of United Methodists that is leading the larger church to a new expression of the family of God. Lesbians and gay men returned home to recreate the true experience of "home" that they discovered at the convocation. Overall, the convocation was striking evidence that the reconciling movement has come of age and will play a prominent role in the future of the church. The convocation was truly a model of what the community of faith, the inclusive Body of Christ, can be. At the same time, the convocation empowered its participants to return home to witness and work to create that community in their own congregations. The Reconciling Congregation Program ...is our best hope to move the UMC toward effective faithfulness in the '90s, to make it a "decade of destiny"-and to set the agenda for the 21st century. Rev. Charles Straut District superintendent New York Conference As one expression of the conviction to be a strong, leavening force in the church, the Reconciling Congregation Program established new direction for the national movement. A ten member board of directors was elected and commissioned to provide leadership and guidance for the national movement. They will be working with the leadership of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian and Gay Concerns, the organization which birthed and nurtured the reconciling movement, to define organizational relationships which will further the movement for justice for lesbians and gay men. Rejoice, people of God! The seeds of hope live in you, and God makes all this possible. Spring 1990 23 Rep Report New Reconciling Congregations Prospect Park UMC (Afinneapolis, Afinnesom) Prospect Park is a small, but diverse, congregation of about 200 members located near the University of Minnesota. Many students and visiting professors are active in the church. Several lesbian families are also part of the congregation. Programming is available for many age levels. An active adult education program on Sunday morning covers a wide range of subjects, including study of books that severa}. church members have published. The church also has a large Sunday school for children. In addition, Prospect Park offers a quilters' group for seniors, an active men's group, and a young adult group. The church sponsors several retreats each year to provide opportunities for spiritual growth and fellowship. Prospect Park also takes seriously its responsibility to be in ministry with others outside its congregation. It holds ecumenical services and events through the year with other churches in the community. It also supports several mission projects, including a local community center and food shelf, and a children's orphanage in Africa. First UMC of Germantown (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) First UMC is one of the older congregations in Philadelphia, having been founded in 1796. The congregation is located in the historic Germantown neighborhood. The congregation is very diverse with membership of just over 900. It is a racially integrated congregation and has a diversity of family units and single person of all ages. First UMC is a "sanctuary congregation" and has been very active in Central American issues. It has sponsored several refugee families from Guatemala who are now U.S. citizens. It sent observers to the recent Nicaraguan elections. The congregation has an active Commission on Religion and Race and has been very intentional about dialogue on racism. The congregation is planning a visit with Nelson Mandela during his trip to the United States. Its Commission on the Status and Role of Women has engaged the congregation in study and action on women's concerns. A celebration was recently held on "Women's Work." * * * * * We welcome Prospect Park UMC and First UMC of Germantown as the 43rd and 44th Reconciling Congregations. RCs Testify Before Study Committee Representatives from several Reconciling Congregations in the Northeast were among the 47 persons testifying before the UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality at its first "listening post" or field hearing on April 28 in Madison, New Jersey. Members of Reconciling Congregations and other interested United Methodists are encouraged to attend and testify before the five remaining listening posts: • Park Ridge, Ill., Aug. 18, 1990 • Portland, Oreg., Sept. 30, 1990 • Claremont, Calif., Oct. 6, 1990 • Oklahoma City, Okla., Oct. 6, 1990 • Nashville, Tenn., date to be announced Please call David Lundquist's office at the General Council on Ministries (513/227-9400) for exact locations. Upcoming Affirmation Meeting The fall meeting of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns is planned for September • 13-15, 1990, in Washington D.C. For • information, write Affirmation, P.O. · Box 1021, . Evanston, IL 60204. · Holy Union Controversy Actions by two Reconciling Con• gregations publicly supporting "holy unions" for lesbian or gay couples • have incurred the opposition of their • UMC conference leaders. On May 3, after several months of • study and preparation, Dumbarton • UMC (Washington, D.C.) adopted a • statement entitled ''An Understanding · of Lesbian/Gay Holy Unions." The • public announcement of this state• ment along with the plans for a • union service for a lesbian couple in • the congregation received media • attention across the country. Dumbarton leaders were-called to a special meeting with their bishop a few days later, in which they were told that they would be breaking UMC law if such a service were held in their building and that charges could be brought against their pastor. In a congregational meeting the following Sunday, the congregation reaffirmed its statement while deciding to hold the particular service in another church building so as not to jeopardize the position of their pastor. In a related development, U niversity UMC (Madison, Wisconsin) received local media attention about their holy unions along with the Dumbarton coverage. In 1986, in consultation with their conference's leaders, University had developed a policy on celebrating lesbian or gay relationships. A week after the local news story, University received a letter from the current conference leaders disallowing any future holy unions. At this time, both congregations are in dialogue with their respective conference officials to seek clearer understandings of how they can carry out their ministries of blessing lesbian/gay relationships. Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 5 No 4 - Journeys to Recovery and Wholeness https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/d8dd84c515c20a7ab2a184f4567f9833.pdf 8df74a4f45b9414f55f5b5974f3037d5 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 5 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1990 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine :,t~::%:?~~~~ it ~r( £J'J hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 \... I ~/~ ~~(JJJ~-j ~ . Reconciling Ministries with - . ~ / Lesbians and Gay Men Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/Gay Christian Movement t Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program p.o. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 n Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Gay and Lesbian Christians: The Movement Evolves .. ......... . ...4 Morris Floyd The Vision Out on the End of the Limb ..... ..... . ....... ... ..... 7 Leo Treadway The Story Begins Emerging Issues ........... . ...................................8 M. Burrill A Historic Consultation . ..... . .... . .. . . . ....... . .......... . .....9 Phyllis Lyon & Del Martin Timeline: 25 Years of the Gay/Lesbian Christian Movement ... ..... 10 Sustaining the Spirit .................... . ...... ... .. ....... .... 14 Leaving Home/Coming Home/Creating Family Open to Light that Reconciles: Local Churches in Ministry .. ......15 Kristan Burkert A Home for Lesbian/Gay Evangelicals .. .. . .... .... ... . .... . ..... 16 Freda Smith Third World Lesbian/Gay Christians ... . .... ....... ..... ..... . . .. 18 Carolyn Mobley Resources .....................................................19 Letters .. ... ...... . . . .................... . ...... . . ... . .. .. .. . . . 21 RCP Report .. .. .. ... ... . .. .. .... .. ... .. ........ .. ....... ... . ... 22 Next Issue's Theme: Addiction and Codependency Gay and Lesbian Christians: The Movement Evolves .... . ...4 Timeline: 25 Years of the Gay/ Lesbian Christian Movement .. 10 Open Hands { 2 reconciling congregation progralll A network of United Methodist local churches that welcome all persons into the community of faith. A quarterly magazine addressing lesbian and gay concerns in a religious context. RESOURCES ORDER FORM Board Members: Rev. Kim Smith, chair PROMOTIONAL RESOURCES Rev. Finees Flores, vice-chair Carolyn Dell, secretary Please send me: Reva Anderson, treasurer __ copies of the Reconciling Congregation Program brochure (free) Rev. Sally Daniel _ _ copies of 'How to Become a Reconciling Congregation' (free) Kathy Jones Jay McCarty __ copies of the list of Reconciling Congregations (free) Susan Spruce __ copies of the Open Hands brochure (free) Rev. Tim Tennant-Jayne __ copies of the flyer describing the video Casting Out Fear (free) _ copies of the flyer describing And God Loves Each One (free) Program Coordinator: Mark Bowman _ 'I Support Reconciling Congregations' buttons ($2.00; 10 or more, $1.50 each) _ 'I Support Reconciling Congregations' ribbons ($1.00; 10 or more, $0.75 each) Open Hands Co-editors: M. Burrill Bradley Rymph OPEN HANDS: Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men -Quarterlyresource magazine on lesbian/gay concems In the church. _ Iwant to subscribe to Open Hands @ $ 16JYJ/year (four issues) _ Please send me the following back issues @ $5.00 each (10 or more, $3.00 each) _ 'Be Ve Reconciled' (Summer 1985) _ 'Raising Reconciling Children' (Fall 1988) _ 'A Matter of Justice' (Winter 1986) _ 'Sexual Ethics: Exploring the Questions' (Winter 1989) _ 'Our Families' (Spring 1986) _ 'Called to Create: Lesbians and Gay Men in the _ 'Our Churches' Policies' (Summer 1986) Religious Arts' (Spring 1989) _ 'Images of Healing' (Fall 1986) _ 'In, Out, or In Between: The Closet Dilemma' _ 'Minorities within a Minority' (Spring 1987) (Summer 1989) _ 'Sexual Violence: Unlocking the Silence' (Fall 1987) _ 'Images of Family' (Fall 1989) _ 'Sexuality and Spirituality' (Winter 1988) _ 'Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/Gay Christian _ 'Building Reconciling Ministries' (Spring 1988) Movement' (Winter 1990) _ 'Uving and Loving with AIDS' (Summer 1988) CASTING OUT FEAR: Reconciling Ministries with Gay/Lesbian United Methodists -A provocative, warm videotape portraying the painful stories oflesbians and gay men In the church and the struggles of Reconciling Congregations to be supportive oflesbian/gay concems. _ I wish to purchase __copies of Casting Out Fear@ $100.00 each. _ I wish to rent Casting Out Fearfor 30 days beginning @ $20.00. AND GOD LOVES EACH ONE: A Resource for Dialogue on Homosexuality and the Church -A slmp/e, friendly presentation of the facts on lesbians and gay men In the church. Written by Ann Thompson Cook, a sexuality educator and member ofa Reconciling Congregation. Good starting point for discussion In local churches. A free leader's guide Is now available with each order. __ I wish to purchase _ copiesof And God Loves Each One @ $4.95 each ( 10 or more, $3.00 each). TOTAL COST FOR ORDER: $_ _ _ __ My payment is enclosed. Please bill me. SHIP TO: Name Home phone Address Work phone Local Church P.O. Box 23636 T Washington, D.C. 20026 T 202/863-1586 Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/Gay Christian Movement A critical aspect of the identity of any individual or community is its understanding of its history. Partly, this is so that we "don't repeat the same mistakes" or "don't have to reinvent the wheel." But history is more than just a teacher, it is also a source of meaning, the interpretation of how we've come to be where and who we are today. The lesbian/gay Christian movement, as a phenomenon of the last three decades, hasn't tended to think much about its history. Lesbian/gay Christian activists have often bemused the lack of a remembered past, which has led to the continual need to create new models of action. The "lack of history" can produce a freedom with no limits of tradition or experience to direct actions. Unfortunately, the same phenomenon can also produce a "tyranny of the present" in which immediately visible needs determine actions. Of course, the reality is that the lesbian/gay Christian movement does have a history. Perhaps it's not as long or as full as the histories of other communities, but it is a history nonetheless. We offer this issue of Open Hands as a beginning step in the gathering of stories and the interpretation of events for the lesbian/gay Christian movement. We have chosen to begin this history in 1964 with the founding of the first national organization to address the concerns of lesbian/gay Christians-the Council on Religion and the Homosexual in San Francisco. Yet we recognize that the voices and actions of lesbian/gay Christians and their friends before this date were critical to the genesis of the movement. For lesbian/gay Christians, we hope that this beginning history will create a sense of solidarity with those who've gone before, will encourage other efforts to interpret the past, and will provide some direction for future actions. For those in ministry with lesbian/gay Christians, we hope this issue will bring a greater clarity to your understanding of the needs of your lesbian/gay sisters and brothers. A special word of gratitude to Dr. William Johnson for his assistance in the production of this issue. As the founder of the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns and a pioneer in the lesbian/gay Christian movement, Bill's memories, historical records, and contacts with movement leaders were invaluable in helping us construct this issue. We apologize for the lateness of this issue of Open Hands. OH staff were overwhelmed in preparing for the national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in February. We are already at work on the spring issue and pledge to finish it in a more timely fashion. -The staff of Open Hands Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph Graphic Design Supon Design Group, Inc. Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1990 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Winter 1990 3 . · Gay and Lesbian Christians: The Movement Evolves · by Morris floyd G ay and lesbian Christians have been an important force in the growth of the church for all of its history. The growth and change of this movement • over the last 25 years is related to a variety of dynamics • in the churches, in the society at large, and in the • gay/lesbian communities. The presence of an organized movement can be traced • to the Council on Religion and the Homosexual (CRH), • which emerged from a consultation in 1964 [see p. 8]. In • addition to their educational value for all participants, • events subsequently planned by CRH offered an impor• tant mechanism by which closeted gay/lesbian Christians • (most often clergy) could meet each other, share their : stories, and create networks of mutual support. This latter • function remains a key emphasis in the gay/lesbian Chris• tian movement 25 years later because enforced invisibility • of gay men and lesbians has made it so difficult for them • to find that support. · BECOMING VISIBLE The June 1969 events at the Stonewall Bar in New • York City's Greenwich Village created a climate that • energized a few lesbian/gay Christians to come out pub• licly and become more visible. Among these persons was : Bill Johnson, a member of the United Church of Christ • who asked for and subsequently received ordination as an • openly gay man. Gene Leggett, a United Methodist min• ister, found his denomination considerably less open when • he shared his identity at an emotional session of his an• nual conference. Through the 1970s and '80s, lesbian/gay Christians be: came more and more visible despite the nearly universal • message from the churches that they were unwelcome. • Actions of these persons served to challenge the lack of • hospitality so evident in the institutional church and to • assure the presence of effective ministry in lesbian/gay • communities. Both types of activities began early in the : history of the movement: .Pentecostal minister Troy Perry and others created in 1968 what was to become the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC). UFMCC congregations are now found all over the United States as well as in several other countries. Though not exclusively gay/lesbian in membership, the ministry of UFMCC congregations is primarily in those communities . • Persons from communions like the Roman Catholic and Episcopal churches created groups (Dignity and Integrity, respectively) that offered worship and fellowship in their traditions using mechanisms very similar to those found in their larger communions. .Gay men and lesbians from other denominations, such as the United Church of Christ, the United Methodist Church, and the Presbyterian Church, organized groups that functioned more like a "caucus" within their denominational systems. While Integrity and Dignity developed primarily through local chapters, these other denominational groups : 4 found their primary energy in responding to and trying to make an impact upon the national decisionmaking processes of their churches. The earliest strategies of these caucuses capitalized on the legacy of CRH, using educational events to support their organizing and networking goals. The results of such education may partially account for the continuing fear of educational efforts in some churches. Early on it became evident that, whenever educational activities enable gay men and lesbians in the church to be visible to each other and to themselves, it advances the effort to make the system more open. This is consistent with studies showing that the single factor most highly correlated with homophobia is the belief that one doesn't know any gay or lesbian people. DENOMINATIONS RESPOND The visibility of gay men and lesbians in the churches also began to grow through denominational publications. Two special issues of motive (United Methodist) and one of Trends (United Presbyterian) were published in 1972 and 1973, respectively. The magazines provided some of the first occasions in those denominations for official publications to address gay/lesbian concerns in a positive way. However, neither magazine was being published a year after these special issues. Dignity had been formed by a Roman Catholic priest with approval of his superior. Nevertheless, Fr. John McNeill, S.J., who in 1973 had been the keynote speaker for the first national convention of Dignity, was officially forbidden in 1974 to speak his views on homosexuality. This did not stop him from publishing his landmark book The Church and the Homosexual. As a result of such events, the question of visibility vs. invisibility became an important theme in the movement. One participant in an early 1970s conference on homosexuality sponsored by the National Council of Churches describes it as "a meeting of closeted homosexuals" seeking acceptance by the church through staying invisible. As uncomfortable as it made many closeted lesbians and gay men and most other church members, however, the gay/lesbian Christian movement steadily increased its visibility. In the communions that took an affirmative stance toward lesbians and gay men in early years, lesbian/gay groups have served to support denominational efforts by helping them to understand the full impact of homophobia and heterosexism in their churches. The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) lesbian and gay caucus was formed in 1971, after the General Conference of that body adopted a landmark statement supporting gay/lesbian rights in the church and in society. Similarly, the United Church of Christ (VCC) lesbian/gay caucus formed shortly after that denomination's decision that homosexuality as such should not be a bar to ordination. The UCC and VVA lesbian/gay caucuses in succeeding years have come to each of their denominational general assemblies with additional policy recommendations that reinforce the organization's support for gay/lesbian rights. Open Hands By the mid-1980s, for example, the UUA had developed a process for ensuring that openly gay/lesbian clergy would receive reasonable consideration when they applied for positions as pastors. In the late 1970s, the educational approach to the movement took a new turn when several denominations, most notably 'the UCC and the United Presbyterian Church, developed studies on human sexuality. As in studies that would come in other denominations later, lesbians and gay men were essentially invisible or reduced to tokens during the study process. The Presbyterians accepted most of the findings of their study but rejected its suggestions for increased openness to gay men and lesbians, especially those who wished to be ordained. The UCC study resulted in a list of recommendations that have formed the agenda for that denomination's progressive activity in support of lesbians and gay men since its publication. In denominations where official encouragement was lacking, gay and lesbian groups also found ways to place the issues on their churches' agenda. By the mid to late 1970s, Presbyterians for Gay Concerns (now called Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns) and Gay United Methodists (later to be known as the United Methodist Gay Caucus and finally as Affirmation) made their presence felt at denominational assemblies. Concurrently, reaction began to occur. Theologically and socially conservative groups such as Good News (United Methodist) and Biblical Witness Fellowship (UCC) gained recognition for opposing the progressive directions that had begun to emerge in their respective denominations. Though these groups attempt to impose their viewpoints on the denomination on a wide variety of issues, their opposition to progressive attitudes towards lesbians and gay men, particularly related to ordination, continues to serve as their most important organizing tool. One result of this change has been an extension of the educational efforts beyond "Gay/Lesbian 101" experiences to a broader examination of what a comprehensive ministry among and by gay/lesbian Christians might mean. Another result is a reduced focus on addressing prohibitive policies related to ordained clergy. Some gay/lesbian clergy and seminarians have felt abandoned by this change. Other ordained lesbian/gay persons have understood that without a general church intention to be in ministry with gays and lesbians, their presence as ordained persons continues to be a matter either of secrecy or controversy. The emphasis in the gay/lesbian Christian movement on inclusive ministry can also be seen as related to parallel efforts to bring about racial and gender justice in the institutional church. While many gay men and lesbians have been involved in these other struggles, the lesbian/gay Christian movement itself has, for the most part, been dominated by young, white, middle-class men. Where this pattern is beginning to change, credit is due to two factors: the willingness of a few persons of color to confront and work through the realities of racism in these groups and the presence of articulate and thoughtful lesbians who have been able to teach their gay brothers about the connections between oppression based on race, gender, and class and oppression based on sexual orientation. These teachers have pushed sometimes reluctant students to address their own racism and sexism and to establish in the lesbian/gay Christian organizations an intention to overcome those barriers. MODELS OF INCLUSIVE MINISTRY ~~.. It soon became clear that changes in official church statements or in church polity related to ordination would C not come soon. In addition, lesbians and gay men in the church had already learned by observing the movement for racial justice that changing policy or law did not eliminate the underlying social attitudes that caused the injustice in the first place. On this basis, groups that had begun as caucuses aimed at creating policy change began to expand their purpose to enable an effective ministry to and by the church through: • a ministry of presence that affirms and supports those seeking to create a just and loving church institution; • offering to the churches the model of ministry truly responsive to the needs of all persons including, but not limited to, gay men and lesbians; and • confronting the institution with the costs in lost opportunities for evangelism, witness, and service that result from the pervasive influence of homophobia and heterosexism. Winter 1990 ~ 5 . t tH :. The focus on inclusive ministry has also helped to nurture a still small spark of ecumenism in the gay/ lesbian Christian movement. Gay/lesbian interfaith alliances have appeared in a few localities and attempts have been made at national networking [see p. 7]. Probably the largest single impact of the impetus toward inclusive ministry is the development in most ma• jor denominations of networks of local churches that identify themselves as open to the full participation of gay men and lesbians. "More Light" churches in the Presbyterian denomination, "Open and Affirming" UCC churches, "Reconciled in Christ" Lutheran congregations, and United Methodist "Reconciling Congregations" now number 170 around the country [see pp. 15 & 19]. These are congregations where gay/lesbian and non gay people have been able to define a shared vision of ministry and, • based on that vision, to articulate an intention to be fully inclusive. The process toward such an articulation is not always smooth; nor is the decision always unanimous. : However, the result is almost always growth in varieties of • ministry and people served, as well as enlargement and • revitilization of the congregations themselves. This development has raised the question about the role • of "straight" -identified persons in the gay/ lesbian Chris• tian movement. It is typical, and perhaps imperative, for : justice movements to include those from outside the op• pressed group-whites in the civil rights movement and • feminist men are examples. These movements have fre• quently had to find gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) • ways to remind their outside supporters of the need for • oppressed persons to create their own spaces, to make • their own decisions, and to speak for themselves. Among gay/lesbian Christians, an additional dynamic • has been added-the presence of persons who are actually • gay or lesbian but who wish to preserve their privileges in • the institutional church and in the society at large by re• maining "straight" -identified. Maintaining clarity of iden• tity and integrity of role can become very difficult for : these persons and for those around them. More than one • lesbian/gay church activist has had the experience of • building an emotionally important relationship with such • a person only to have the individual disavow or discount • the relationship in hurtful ways at a later time. Added to • the reality that many progressive heterosexual persons • have yet to confront fully their heterosexist assumptions, • this is an arena where further evolution of the movement • is likely to be observed. The stark reality of AIDS has also contributed to the development of the lesbian/gay Christian movement since the early 1980s. This epidemic has been an occasion for churches to have another look at broader gay/lesbian issues, albeit in the context of stereotypes reinforced by blaming attitudes toward those who are affected by the disease. Most denominations and local churches were very slow to respond to the ministry challenges associated with the epidemic. Early response was almost always the result of efforts by gay men and lesbians, many of whom were closeted persons taking an important risk in supporting an effort so closely identified with homosexuality. While the wider church has begun to respond more helpfully in the last few years, much of the informal leadership in this area continues to be given by gay men or lesbians, even though they rarely hold official responsibility for doing so. T he fact that AIDS has provided an opportunity for professional ministry in the church to gay men and lesbians who might otherwise not have found it is, at the same time, a dramatic reminder of how gay men and lesbians continue to be marginalized and compartmentalized. To gay men and lesbians, it reinforces the impression that they are merely tolerated in the church, and then only to the extent that they identify themselves with what many still perceive as evidence of a fundamental moral inferiority. EMERGING OPPORTUNITIES The emergence of predominantly gay/ lesbian congregations in denominations other than UFMCC is the most recent step in the effort by lesbian/gay Christians to assure effective ministries within and by their communities. Spirit of the Lakes Ecumenical Community Church, in Minneapolis, for example, is in the process of becoming affiliated with the UCC. This congregation was started by former members of a UFMCC church as an alternative operating from a liberal theological perspective and having a congregational rather than a clergy-centered operational style. The rapid growth of Spirit of the Lakes Church (from average attendance of 50 to over 200 in less than a year) suggests to some observers that congregations like this-equivalent to ethnic or language community congregations-may provide an important vehicle for outreach in the years ahead. The same dynamic is at work in places such as the Society of Friends, where lesbians and gay men are working within a basically welcoming milieu to develop liturgical rites particular to their own needs, such as celebrations of relationships or marriages. The continuing challenge to the gay/lesbian Christian movement will be to determine whether and how it can relate to the institutional church. Seeking too close an involvement in a still hostile environment risks reinforcement of self-oppressions when we see ourselves as supplicants for acceptance rather than inheritors of God's grace and co-creators of the reign of love and justice. Maintaining too great a distance risks the opportunity for a truly ecumenical church. The balance will not be easy to find. T Morris Floyd is a long-time participant in the lesbian/gay Christian movement. He has been active in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns since 1977 and served as one of Affirmation's spokespersons from 1982-88. He is now a member of Spirit of the Lakes Ecumenical Community Church in Minneapolis. Open Hands : 6 · The Vision Out on the End of the Umb · by Leo Treadway • Being part of a group of visionaries can be both exciting and disappointing. Such was to be the experience of several representatives from the lesbian/ gay religious community, including myself, a decade • ago. Together, we nurtured a vision of what our lives and • mutual faith journeys might be. As our vision matured, it • challenged us to set aside temptations of power and o prestige and to look more closely at how we could work • with each other. The story began in 1979 when the Quixote Center, a Roman Catholic justice ministry in Maryland, and the o National Organization for Women hosted a Strategy Con- o ference on Homophobia in the Churches. Sixteen denom• inational lesbian/gay organizations and two secular groups • sent some 60 participants. Through our discussions, we o identified homophobia in our churches as promoting a state of sin and pain. We believed that lesbian/gay Chris• tians had both a responsibility to confront such homo• phobia and the ability to help churches transcend this · and related issues such as racism, sexism, ageism, and • classism. And we believed that the development of an in- o terdenominational network would facilitate such work and help foster mutual support and strategizing. In the fall of 1981, the Quixote Center began preparing o for a second conference, "Toward an American leso bian/Gay Christian Movement," set for May 1982 in o Washington, D.C. This time, 17 lesbian/gay Christian o organizations participated. lesbian/gay Jews were invited but offered only "observer status." From the beginning, our deliberations were marked by o controversy. Our focus had made a clear, substantive o change from the first conference. No longer were we o primarily addressing the ills we perceived in the churches. o Now we were looking at ourselves-at how we could con• structively oppose homophobia, sexism, racism, and classism in our own organizations; share resources and tasks among ourselves; and present a united witness that o lesbians and gay men are affirmed by God for ministry o and witness in all aspects of religious life. This inward focus was most apparent in the discussions • about how our joint decision making should occur. Par• ticipants agreed early on that a meeting to form an alliance of our organizations should be held in November o 1982. As a matter of theological principle, we agreed that o all decisions at that gathering were to be arrived at by · consensus. We also agreed that lesbian/gay Jews would be o invited as full participants to that meeting. Some dele• gates felt strongly that the decision to invite Jews only as observers to the Washington gathering had been responsi• ble for the total absence of Jewish participation. There was another principle of equal, or even greater, • importance, however, and it proved far more challengingo the acceptable composition of "official representatives" to • the November gathering. A "parity rule" was proposed, o stipulating that denominational organizations could have up to three delegates, with only one white male, at least o one female, and at least one "Third World" person. Even• tually, this principle was adopted, but several organizao tions announced that they would challenge the rule at the o November gathering. • Winter 1990 As preparations were made for the November gathering, these concerns for consensus and inclusiveness were built into every aspect of planning. When that meeting convened in Atlanta on schedule, all decision making did occur through consensus, lesbian/gay Jews were full participants, and organizational delegates were held to the parity rule. Eighteen groups sent official representatives to this gathering of what became known as the lesbian/Gay Interfaith Alliance (LGIA). But these lofty principles were to cause a gradual defection away from the alliance. Organizations that were composed mainly of white males or who felt that smaller groups and minorities had been given too great a share in the decision making began to drift away. When LGIA next gathered in October 1983 in Minneapolis, only 13 groups participated, with few full delegations in attendance. Delegate selection had shifted from representatives who could speak for their organizations to delegates selected on the basis of geographical convenience. Nevertheless, participants worked diligently, adopting resolutions supporting programs such as "More Light Congregations," "Reconciling Congregations," and the "Reconciled in Christ Project"; supporting membership for the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches in the National Council of Churches; and opposing theological pronouncements equating AIDS with God's judgment. October 1984's conference in San Francisco drew representatives of 12 groups, with a total of only 25 participants. Plans were made for subsequent conferences in 1985, 1986, and 1987, but little of LGIA survived beyond the San Francisco gathering. Two of the largest member groups had effectively withdrawn from participation in LGIA and had begun to make plans for their own joint national convention in 1987. Other groups also weakened their commitment. The dream that had spawned LGIA seemed to have run its course. Sadly, the demise of LGIA marked a return by groups to work largely apart from one another. It also returned them to more familiar postures where white men frequently maintained the power and called the shots. Those involved in the journey of LGIA had dared to hold up a vision that recognized diversity and committed lesbian/gay people of faith to be truly inclusive. In the end, all our old shortcomings surfaced and destroyed the alliance. LG IA was a benchmark in our community and perhaps could be a model for us once again, as the discussion about a similar network is now under way. T Leo Treadway has been a ministry associate with the Wingspan Ministry of St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church in St. Paul, Minnesota, for the past eight years. The Wingspan Ministry is that congregation's ministry with and on behalf of lesbians, gay men, and their fa milies. He was a founding member of the Lesbian and Gay Interfaith Council of Minnesota and served as cochair of Lutherans Concerned/North America. 7 THE STORY BEGINS : EMERGING ISSUES : by M. Burrill T he Council on Religion and the Homosexual has played a key role in the emergence of lesbians and gay men within the church. This council was born : out of a consultation in California in 1964. The Rev. Ted Mcllvenna was the man who started it all. He was director of the Young Adult Project in San Francisco. In the course of his work, he met persons for • whom homosexuality created problems. In hunting for groups which were providing services for these persons, he • found four organizations: Daughters of Bilitis, Mattachine Society, Inc., League for Civil Education, and the Tavern Guild. During his explorations, Ted found a conflict between the basic sexual feelings of many homosexuals and • the response of religion or the church. He sensed a sharp • division between homosexuals and the Church. Ted shared his concerns with others. Methodism's Older • Youth/Young Adult Project and a division of the Methodist Board of Christian Social Concerns joined Glide Urban Center in sponsoring a consultation to foster understanding between homophile organizations and churches. The event was to include 15 clergy from around • the country and 15 homosexuals from the San Francisco Bay Area. Prior to the consultation itself, gay men began their orientation of the clergy to the gay life. A weekend "plunge" into the gay community included a Saturday 0' night tour of gay male bars and a Sunday picnic at a "secret" oceanside locale. Sunday evening all 30 participants gathered at a retreat center for the opening session of the consultation. The church participants included eight from the Methodist Chur,eh, as well as representatives of the United Church of Christ (UCC), the Lutheran Church in America, and the Protestant Episcopal Church. The retreat opened dialogue, defined terms, determined ways of relating, encouraged openness of attitudes, and gained understanding of homosexuality. The participants looked beyond labels and found friends. After the retreat, the San Francisco participants established themselves as the Council on Religion and the Homosexual (CRH). The following statement of "goals and purposes" was adopted. "In order to promote a continuing dialogue between the church and the homosexual, understand more fully human sexuality, and to promote understanding of the broad variations and manifestations within the spectrum of human sexuality, The Council on Religion and the Homosexual sets forth these goals and purposes: • "To orient the clergy on aspects of homosexuality (i.e. physical, economic, legal, intellectual, emotional, etc.) in accordance with homosexual testimony and available scientific data. • "To encourage pastoral clergy to provide homosexuals of both sexes an opportunity to present their views on sex, religion, morals, and ethics to lay organizations within their churches. . 8 • "To open up channels of communication so that clergy and lay churchmen [sic] may engage in dialogue with the homosexual so that new understandings of the church and religious faith may be developed. • "To conscript the aid of religious publications and other appropriate communication media urging a broadened editorial policy that will include accurate and objective articles on homosexuality, • "To provide an effective voice throughout the nation in matters of laws, policies, and penal reforms governing adult sexual behavior. • "To help the clergyman to better understand his role as counselor in dealing with problems of human sexuality in our society with special reference to young people." I At its inception in 1964, CRH was the only place in the country where homosexuality and religion was being openly discussed. It soon earned the respect of additional clergy, many homosexuals, and others in the community I concerned with civil rights and vital religion. The council's work was essential for initial consciousness-raising on issues of homosexuality for people of faith. CRH, being the only organization that dealt with concerns of both homosexuality and religion, provided unique services. Printed material dealing with these subjects was sent upon request. When the press needed a contact in this arena, they called CRH. People called CRH for counseling. In addition, it was the first organization dealing with homosexuals to gain 501(c)3 federal tax exempt status. The council sponsored an annual symposium on the lifestyles of the homosexual. Drawing about 50 participants each year, these events, besides providing much needed education and dialogue, also provided opportunities for developing informal networks. The CRH symposia were the primary connecting points for many lesbian and gay Christians, especially closeted clergy. Out of the networking of the Council on Religion and the Homosexual, denominational gay and lesbian groups began to form. CRH actively encouraged people to get involved in the lesbian/gay religious movement in their own denominations. In 1975, when Bill Johnson resigned as the executive director, he recommended that CRH become inactive. The council had done its work so well that denominational groups were now getting off the ground and doing the work of connecting issues of faith and sexuality. In the last five or six years, CRH has become reactivated. It has a board of directors and holds annual meetings. The important work of the Council on Religion and the Homosexual continues. ~ M. Burrill is coeditor of Open Hands. Material for this article was taken primarily from a report on the first consultation of CRH written by Donald Kuhn, former director of Glide Publications. Open Hands : o A HISTORIC CONSULTATION o by Del Martin & Phyllis Lyon o I n June 1964, a most unusual gathering occurred which had a profound impact on the relationship between American churches and lesbians and gay omen. Through the lesbian organization Daughters of Bilitis o (DOB), the Rev. Ted McIlvenna contacted us and told us o about a consultation that was being planned on "The o Church and the Homosexual" to foster better under- o standing between the two groups. We must admit that Ted did not fit our stereotype of a o minister. He did not appear to be the hellfire and dam- o nation type. Yet we were very skeptical when he invited us o to attend the consultation. "Who wants to spend three o days with a bunch of ministers?" was Phyllis' reaction. We took the idea to members of the Daughters of Bilio tis. Of 25 women present, we found that only two at- o tended church regularly. Two had quit going to church o because of their homosexuality. The other 21 (ourselves o included) had stopped attending long before they were o consciously aware of their homosexual tendencies. One o woman, who had worked for the Council of Churches, o strongly urged us to participate saying, "You might be o surprised." The group noted that, if just the two of us : attended, women would be underrepresented and went on o to say DOB should have at least five delegates. We accepted Ted's invitation and passionately and o loudly advocated for more women. We won our five. We o were joined by Cleo Glenn, national president of DOB; o Pat Walker, San Francisco chapter president (the only per: sons of color at the retreat); and Billie Talmij, who made o the opening presentation on our behalf. We were out- o manned-five to one-but not undone. At the opening session, introductions were somewhat o stiff, but polite. Some anxiety was evident among both o the clergy and the lesbian/gay contingents. Ted, the only person known to everyone there, laid the o groundwork for the two-day sessions to follow. "Forget o who you represent. We represent the human race. Let's o start there." He cautioned against letting sexual or o religious identification get in the way of understanding. Neither heterosexuals nor homosexuals had special access o to truth or righteousness. Deference to women was : dropped at the lesbians' request, a decision we women o later regretted. The clergy (all male) found the gay men o to be far more provocative and fascinating. We were only o women-or perhaps as women independent of men we o were a threat. Besides, there were segregated sleeping : quarters for men and women, allowing for more gay-manto- nongay-man talk through the night and early morning. Monday's session began with an exchange-how the o church and homosexuals view each other. The gays critio cized the church for its omissions in pastoral counseling o and education about human sexuality, and for its blanket : condemnation of homosexuals. The clergy defended the o church, saying most denominations had made no "official" statements, that the church should not be locked o Winter 1990 into the past, that theology was beginning to recognize that all relationships which are informed by love, involve commitment, and include responsibility are valid. And one minister said to the gay group, "What do you need us for? You've been conducting your own ministry for years." Billie's presentation on behalf of DOB filled us with pride. She began, "All heterosexuals are at this conference hoping to understand the homosexual better, and all the homosexuals are here because they hope you will." She also noted, "We women are actually a minority within a minority within a minority." That is, we are minorities as women in the homosexual minority and as homosexuals within the religious minority. We would also add-as lesbians in the minority status of women. Billie pointed out that all of us had preconceived notions and that to her the original sin was ignorant, inflexible, wall-to-wall thinking. "So, we of DOB offer a challenge...to the gay (homosexual) and straight (heterosexual) alike, a challenge to dislodge a brick or two from this four-walled thinking." Billie's presentation was indeed a blockbuster for the small groups to consider. We met in three discussion groups of 10 each, and our small band of women was stretched to the limit. The last day was set aside for an "official statement" which instead became reports representing the consensus reached in each discussion group. Before parting, everyone expressed concern about how, when we returned to our home base, we could continue the dialogue which we had begun. C. Kilmer Myers, the Episcopal suffragan bishop of Detroit and the highest ranking clergy at the consultation, suggested that we make San Francisco the "test city," that clergy and homosexuals who participated in the retreat organize and open further channels between the gay and the church communities. In the following weeks, after much debate and soulsearching, the Council on Religion and the Homosexual was formed. Its purpose was to promote a continuing dialogue between the church and the homosexual and understanding of the broad variations and manifestations within the spectrum of human sexuality. It was the first organization to use the "H" word in its title. Today's lesbian/gay organizations both within and without the church bear witness to the success of the council's purpose. T Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon are two of the founders of the Daughters of Bilitis, co-authors of Lesbian/Woman, and activists in the lesbian, gay, and women 's movements since 1955. They have been domestic partners for 36 years. 9 • • 25 Years 0/the Lesbian/Gay ChristianMovement · departure from the1964 · 1967 PIONEERING DENOMINATIONS heterosexual nature of A • God's creation." A few Christian communions were on the cutting edge -Consultation with 30 · -United Church of · of the lesbian/gay Christian movement by declaring their church leaders and gay · Christ (UCC) magazine • support for lesbian/gay rights early on in the movement. men and lesbians organSocial Action and Public support came initially from the Unitarian U niver · 1971 • salist Association and the Friends (Quakers). The United ized through Glide United Presbyterian • Church of Christ followed shortly thereafter with General Urban Center in San publication Social • -A gay Friend (Quaker) • Synod resolutions supporting lesbian/gay rights within Francisco leads to Progress devote joint • tells his personal story • the society and within the church. Most mainline Protesfounding of the Council • issue to topic of civil • in the Friends Journa~ tant denominations have been equivocal in their support • of lesbian/gay concerns-trying to uphold conflicting beon Religion and the · rights of lesbians and • under the pseudonym of Homosexual (CRH). • gay men. liefs by supporting civil rights, but denying support of • Jim Bradford. Rev. Ron · lesbians and gay men within the church, particularly • Mattson (Minneapolis) • related to ordination. The Roman Catholic Church and • responds to this story by most evangelical denominations and sects have manifest • founding the Committee · the most blatant instutitional homophobia. 1965 1968 • of Concern, American -CRH holds first of -Troy Perry begins · and Canadian Friends, several annual sym· Metropolitan Com-• to deal with lesbian/gay posiums on "The · munity Church of Los liberation movement. · --Gay seminarians in • concerns. Lifestyles of the · Angeles; later to become -Father Pat Nidorf · the nine schools of the • -Rev. Gene Leggett an-Homosexual." · the Universal Fellowship . (San Diego) organizes · Graduate Theological • nounces his homosex· of Metropolitan Dignity for gay/lesbian Union in the Bay Area • uality and is suspended Community Churches Catholics. • of California organize • from the Southwest • (UFMCC). · for mutual support. • Texas Conference of the · -Bill Johnson, a • United M ethodist 1966 1970 · seminarian at Pacific · Church (UMC). -National Council of · 1969 · School of Religion • -National Conference Churches seminar on · -Unitarian Universalist comes out publicly and • on Religion and the "The Church and • Association (UUA) Gen-· announces his intention • Homosexual in New---.... Homosexuals" in White . -Stonewall Riots in · eral Assembly adopts to seek ordination in the • York City draws 70 par....~ Plains, New Yook New York City; recog· resolution calling for an UCc. • ticipants from 11 difdraws 36 partici-nized as birth of end to homosexual • -wtheran Church in • ferent denominations. pants from NCC modern lesbian/gay · discrimination in law • America states that member enforcement, in civil ser-• homosexuality is "acommunions. · vice, and in the armed • services. MOVEMENT TAKES TWO DIRECTIONS -Rev. Richard Nash · (Los Angeles) and Elgin' The very early years of the lesbian/gay Christian · Blair (Toronto) organize • movement witnessed two different answers to the critical · UUA Gay Caucus. • question: what relationship should lesbian/gay Christians take to the institutional church? Troy Perry saw little hope for acceptance of lesbians and gay men in evan· gelicallpentecostal churches and answered this question • by creating an alternative church. The Universal Fellow• ship of Metropolitan Community Churches has grown • rapidly since 1968 by providing a church home for les• bians and gay men free from the institutional homo: phobia of most Christian denominations. Other lesbians • and gay men chose to stay within their denominations • and create support and advocacy organizations. The early ones were Dignity (Catholic), Committee of Concern (Quaker), and the Unitarian Universalist Gay Caucus. · Such organizations now exist in almost every Christian · denomination. Open Hands · 1974 · 1976 1972 IN THE MEDIA As the lesbian/gay Christian movement became more -The Committee of • -Vatican investigates · -United Church of visible in the 1970s, it began receiving coverage in the reConcern meets in conFather John McNeill, · Canada supports incluligious media. Early articles appread in Christian Cenjunction with the tury, U.S. Catholic, Christianity & Crisis, Commonweal, · S.]., and officially for· sion of sexual orientaFriends General Conand engage/social action. A United Methodist young • bids him to speak or tion in provincial and ference to elicit dialogue • adult magazine, motive, had been on the forefront of · write on gay/lesbian · federal human rights on lesbian/gay concerns; • covering social justice in the church and society through • concerns. · legislation. later they hold their first • the 1950s and 1960s. When conservative forces in the • -Presbyterian Church -Episcopal General denomination prevailed to stop motive from publishing in Midwinter Gathering in • • ceases publication of Convention passes 1972, the magazine staff published two final issues-one New York. · Trends magazine. resolution affirming gay on lesbianism and feminism and the other on gay men. -Metropolitan Com· -UMC Council on people as "fully children Dennis Shoemaker, co-editor of the Presbyterian munity Temple, first • Youth Ministry adopts a of God" who are entiTrends magazine, had participated in an early consulta · tled to the full ministry gay/lesbian'synagogue, tion with the Council on Religion and the Homosexual resolution declaring that is founded in Los (CRHl and found his opinions on lesbian/gay concerns • homosexuality should of the church. Angeles. transformed. He and co-editor Florence Bryant compiled not be a bar to ordained -John McNeill, Jesuit -Bill Johnson is ora special issue of Trends in 1973 entitled "Homosexual• ministry. priest, publishes The dained hy the Golden ity: Neither Sin nor Sickness." Publishing executives cen· -Louie Crew (in rural Church and the sored the magazine by forcing Shoemaker and Bryant to Gate Association of the · Georgia) organizes In-Homosexual. cut one article on lesbian feminism. Bryant resigned in UCC; subsequently • tegrity for Episcopalian -Dr. Ralph Blair orgaprotest. The censored magazine still produced an uproar Johnson organizes the lesbians and gay men. nizes Evangelicals Conin conservative Presbyterian circles. Shoemaker resigned UCC Gay Caucus. • -Sally Gearhart and cerned in New York. shortly thereafter, and Trends ceased publishing. -UMC General ConNondenominational magazines did not have the stric• Bill Johnson compile -Insight, journal of gay ference adopts statement • tures of dealing with denominational politics. Christianity and write Loving Catholic opinion, begins which refers to gay and & Crisis was the magazine on the forefront of covering · Women/Loving Men: publishing. lesbians persons as "per-. lesbian/gay concerns by devoting a whole issue to homo• Gay Liberation and the -Ben Pickell begins sexuality in 1977 and one on coming out in 1979. In the sons of sacred worth" Church. organization for les1980s, reading about lesbian/gay concerns in the religious but also declares that bian/gay Seventh Day media had become commonplace. "we do not condone the Adventists in southern practice of homosexuali-. California. · 1975 ty and consider this WHERE ARE THE WOMEN? practice incompatible Many have asked this question and wonder why the • -National Council of with Christian • lesbian/gay Christian movement has historically had 1977 · Churches adopts resoluteaching." fewer women than men involved in leadership and par• tion supporting civil-The final two issues of . ticipation. Many organizations have focused special atten· rights for lesbians and -Anita Bryant leadsmotive, a United . tion on bringing in and nurturing lesbians, and still religious movement to Methodist magazine, are : many gatherings are primarily male. · gay men. -Brian McNaught, repeal antidiscrimination devoted to lesbian and Although no one knows for a fact the answer to this, · legislation in Dadefeminist concerns and to • dialogue within lesbian groups has suggested an impor-writer for Detroit • tant reason. For gay male Christians, their oppression as · diocesan Catholic news-County, Florida. gay men. • gay seems to be what draws them into solidarity in · paper, writes column in -UCC General Synod -Rev. Troy Perry, groups. For lesbians, their oppression as lesbians often adopts resolution which • which he comes out; is founder of Metropolitan . takes a back seat to their primary oppression as women. · subsequently fired from deplores the use of Community Church, The church, being largely a patriarchal institution known · newspaper. scripture to generate publishes his autobio-. for its oppression of women, is not therefore a place -Committee of Con-hatred of gays andgraphy, The Lord is My . where many lesbians would seek liberation and empower· cerns (Quaker) decides lesbians. General Synod Shepherd and He . ment as readily as gay men do. name is too closeted and also adopts study comKnows I'm Gay. changes it to Friends mittee report "Human -Rev. Freda Smith is Committee for Gay Sexuality: A Preliminary credentialed as the first Concerns. (In 1978 it is Report." woman clergy in the · discuss lesbian/gay con-magazine, entitled again changed to -Christianity & Crisis, UFMCC. · cerns in Lincoln, "Homosexuality: Friends for Lesbian and nondenominational • Nebraska, results in N either Sin nor Gay Concerns.) magazine, publishes · founding of the Sickness," is censored -Gay United Methodist special issue on American Baptist Gay but still published. Caucus (later called homosexuality. 1973 • Caucus. -Gay activists disrupt Affirmation) is founded -Study document on -Presbytery of Chicago : meeting of the Governin meeting in Evanston, homosexuality and the-First national Dignity vetoes Lincoln Park • ing Board of the Illinois. • church is submitted toconvention held San P resbyterian Church's National Council of the General Assembly of Diego. call to Rev. David Churches in Pittsburgh. the Disciples of Christ. -UUA General Sindt, an openly gay -NCC facilitates con- Bishop Paul Moore Assembly adopts proPresbyterian minister, to : sultation on "The • ordains Ellen Barrett,posal to establish an Ofbe on the staff; Sindt • Church and the Gay • · acknowledged lesbian fice of Gay Concerns in begins organizing the Community" at St. Paul: · and first copresident of the denominational Presbyterian Gay School of Theology in · Integrity, as Episcopal headquarters. Caucus. Kansas City. National -Gathering of 150 -Special issue of Task Force on GayAmerican Baptists to Trends, a Presbyterian People in the Church is • founded out of this consultation. • priest. Winter 1990 II • -Strategy Conference • first official same-sex 1978 • on Homophobia in the • "celebration of commit- PAYING A PRICE • Churches (in Mt. • ment" at University -Presbyterian Task • Rainier, Maryland) Force to Study • draws together les-Homosexuality report to • bian/gay leaders from General Assembly in-• many denominations. eludes statement that . -Lesbian/gay Christian "self affirming, practic-• groups participate in ing homosexu&ls" should : first National March for be ordained if qualified. . Lesbian/Gay Rights in . • lVT h' gto DC GeneraI Assembly rejects was rn n, .. • D" I f Ch . ordination statement and • -ISCIP es 0 rIst • G adopts minority report eneral Assembly votes from Task Force. • to leave ordination of -Presbyterians for Gay • lesbians and gay men to Concerns organizes • the discretion of regions; "More Light" Program • group of elergy and laity for local churches to • begin forming what make public declaration • would later be known as of support for lesbians • the GLAD Alliance. • A C 11 Ch and gay men. -appe a orus -Re". Paul Abels, for lesbian and gay y openly gay UMC pastor, . members of the Church is denied reappointment of Christ is founded in to his New York City • Houston, Texas. church by bishop. . -Brethren/Mennonite Annual conference over-Council for Gay Con-rides bishop's decision, . cerns founded by Mar-and Abels is reappointed. • tin Rock. Ch . " d -American Friends Ser-• -nstzanzty an vice Committee includes . Crisis publishes special gay men and lesbians in . issue on "coming out." the affirmative action statement for employ-. 1980 ment policy.-Letha Scanzoni and Virginia Mollenkott . -National Gay publish Is the Homo-• Pentecostal Alliance is sexual My Neighbor? . founded in Schenectady, -Bill Johnson organizes : New York. Maranatha, Riversiders . -John Boswell pub-for Lesbian/Gay Con-. lishes his landmark cerns at R' 'de ,IverSI . book, Christianity, Church in New York Social Tolerance, and City. • Homosexuality. -Episcopal priest and • -Seventh Day Advenwriter, Malcolm Boyd, • tists/Kinship is founded comes out publicly in • as a national organi- his book, Take Off the • zation. Masks. '1981 1979 · F' . I h -Irst natIona gat er-First national con•. f I d rng 0 new y renameference of gay/lesbian · U . d Ch h C l't' mte urc oa 1 IOnseminarians held at · for Lesbian/Gay Con-Union Theological • h ld' R h te cerns e rn oc es r,Seminary. • New York. -Joan Clark, UMC · -Debra Peevey and deaconness and staff of · Christine Leslie, openlyBoard of Global Minis• 1 b' rd' d' , lVl' • es lan, are 0 arne rn tries women s Division, • th D' . I f Ch . t acknowledges that she is' e ISCIP es 0 rIS . -Two Friends (Quaked a lesbian and is fired : women celebrate the from her church position. • Friends Meeting in The momentum of the lesbian/gay Christian movement • Seattle. • swelled with the strategic public "coming out" of several • lesbian/gay Christians. While some of these persons suI• -Universal Fellowship • fered few repercussions for their public statements, others • of Metropolitan Com-• paid a significant price. David Sindt, openly gay Pres• munity Churches applies : byterian minister, received a call to be on the staff of a • for admission to the • local church, only to have that call vetoed by the Pres• National Council of • bytery of Chicago in 1973. Two other Presbyterians suI• Churches. • fered a similar backlash in the 1970s. Bill Silver, semi- I . h b • narian at Union Theological Seminary in New York, was • -nszg t, ecomes an • denied ordination for his public declaration. Another • ecumenical journal of . seminarian, Sandy Brawders, came out publicly on the • lesbian/gay opinion. . floor of General Assembly and found her scholarship at • -Brian McNaught . Princeton Seminary revoked. A reporter for the news• publishes A Disturbed • paper of the Detroit Catholic diocese, Brian McNaught, • Peace. . came out in a column he wrote in 1975. McNaught was • : subsequently fired from the newspaper. 1982 One of the most celebrated cases was that of Joan : • Clark, deaconness and staff of the Women's Division of • the United Methodist Board of Global Ministries. Joan's • public announcement of being a lesbian initially drew • Aff' G d Le -rrm: ays an s-: support from the division, but as the public outcry grew, • b' f th U 'ted Ians 0 em' she was fired. Her attempts to be reinstated were • Church of Canada is • repeatedly denied. • founded in Montreal as These cases were among the most prominent in the • national network of public eye because the individuals chose to appeal their • regional groups of . cases in the public forum. However, throughout the past . lesbians and gay men. : 25 years, there have been a multitude of cases which . Affirm establishes . never became publicly known-where lesbians and gay . Friends of Affirm for . men were dismissed from church staff positions or denied . ordination, even removed from membership in local . others who support • churches. . goals of Affirm. . -UFMCC organizes INTERDENOMINATIONAL COOPERATION National Conference for . . Third World Les-The early years of the lesbian/gay Christian movement • were marked by the development of organizations within . bian/Gay Christians, • denominations. While the leaders of these denominational which draws 75 . groups knew and communicated with each other, there . participants. . were few efforts at denominational cooperation. . -UMC bishop Melvin As these fledgling organizations matured in the late • Wheatley appoints . 1970s, new energy was devoted to working together across • openly gay pastor, • denominational lines. One of the first efforts at such • Julian Rush, to Denver • cooperation was a series of conferences for lesbian/gay • congregation and writes • seminarians which were held in 1979-1981. • a pastoral letter to Another effort at coalition building was the Strategy • . Conference on Homophobia in the Churches, which was • pastors explaining his • facilitated by the Quixote Center in Mt. Rainier in 1979. • decision and saying that : This eventually resulted in the organization of the l.es• homosexuality is not a • bian/Gay Intedaith Alliance in 1982. As part of this • sin. Charges are filed : effort a gay Catholic journal, Insight, became an ecu. against Wheatley in the • menical journal. However, political differences, shifting . church's judicial system • priorities, and conflicting demands led to the demise of . and later dismissed. • the Intedaith Alliance and Insight magazine within a • -Ann Holmes, openly • couple of years. Ecumenical cooperation has continued · lesbian, is ordained by • informally, but a structured forum for such efforts has • not be reconstructed. · the Potomac Association • · of the UCc. • -Seventeen lesbian/gay • • 1983 . -Lutherans Concerned • begm's "Reconciled in . Christian organizations . • Christ" program for • send representatives to • the American Con-• -Gay People in Chris-• local churches, modeled • tian Science/Chicago • after the Presbyterian • ference of Lesbian/Gay Christians in Wash-• convene the first-ever na-: More Light Program. . DC M' • tional conference of : -Governing Board of • rngton, .. eetrng • gay/lesbian Christian . the National Council of • leads to founding of the • • Scientists. • Churches votes to "postLesbian/Gay Interfaith • -First national con-• pone indefinitely" any ~ Alliance later that year. : ference of Affrrm' h 1 vote on t e app ication • (United Church of • of the UFMCC to join ~ • Canada) is held in • the council. • Vancouver. • Open Hands 12 1987 1988 -First national con--United Church of vocation of Reconciling . Canada adopts policy Congregations held in stating that sexual orien-Chicago, Illinois. tation is not a factor in -Second National ordination. "All persons March on Washington regardless of their sexual for Lesbian/Gay Rights . orientation, who profess draws estimated 500,000 . faith in Jesus Christ and participants. . obedience to him, are -SDA/Kinship is sued welcome to be or be-by the General Con-come members of the ference of the Seventh United Church. All Day Adventists for use members of the church of the trademark name are eligible to be con"Seventh Day Adven-sidered for the ministry." tist." -John McNeill is ex-First official Friends . pelled from the Society (Quaker) ceremony for a of Jesus (Jesuit order) same-sex couple to be for his continued mincalled a "marriage" istry with the gay occurs in New York commlUlity. City. Four more mar· -Chris Glaser's Unriages occur later that common Calling is year. published. -Dignity places full--United Church of page ad in Newsweek Christ holds national magazine. consultation on place- U.S. Catholic bishops · ment of lesbian/gay begin prohibiting Digclergy. nity chapters from -The Second Ston(~ nameeting on church proptional newspaper for erty due to Vatican lesbian/gay Christians, directive. · begins publishing in New Orleans. adopts "Open and America study states commlUlity. Affirming" resolution that the church can . -First international 1989 calling on all congrega-"neither absolutely con-: convention of Brethtions to publicly declare : demn nor ignore nor . ren/Mennonite COlUlcil themselves open to les-praise and affirm homo-: for Lesbian and Gay -UUA General bians and gay men. sexuality." Suggests that : Concerns takes place in Assembly approves ---="God, Gays and the "many more of our con-: Chicago. "Welcoming Congrega-Gospel: This Is Our gregations can extend a . · tion" program. Story," a one-hour tele-welcome, withhold judg-: -Bill Johnson is elected vision documentary, is ment, and offer pastoral : · a program secretary of released by UFMCC. support" to gay and les-: · the United Church -First issue of Manna bian persons. • · Board of Homeland for the Journey is pub- Ministries... lished (name later changed to Open , Hands). AIDS TAKES ITS TOLL As the AIDS epidemic came to the forefront of the lesbian/gay community in the 1980s, it, of course, had a great impact on the lesbian/gay Christian movement. Many of the lesbian/gay Christian organizations began devoting resources and energies to adv()cating AIDS ministries within their denominations and to initiating their own ministries. Not surprisingly, the AIDS epidemic has also taken a toll in the death of a number of gay men who have been leaders in the movement. Michael Collins and Richard Cash were early leaders in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. David Sindt, founder of Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns; James Tinney, founder of the Pentecostal Coalition for Human Rights and Faith Temple in Washington, D.C.; and James Sandmire, UFMCC pastor and leader, are among the gay/lesbian Christian leaders who have died of AIDS. 1984 -UMC General Conference adopts church law which bars "selfavowed, practicing homosexuals" from ordained ministry. -Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns invites local congregations to declare themselves "Reconciling Congregations." -National Gay Pentecostal Alliance begins production of cable TV program "The Lord Is My Shepherd, and He Knows I'm Gay" in Schenectady. -Evangelical social action magazine, The Other Side, publishes special issue on homosexuality. 1985 -Emergence is organized as national umbrella for gay/lesbian Christian Scientists. -UCC General Synod BUILDING A GRASS-ROOTS MOVEMENT One of the significant developments in the lesbian/gay • Christian movement in the 1980s has been the rapid • growth of networks of congregations supporting les• bian/gay concerns. Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns began the More Light Program in 1978 as a vehicle • for local churches to dissent from the General Assembly's • adoption of a minority report from its Study Commission • on Homosexuality; that minority report held the line • against a more open stance on lesbian/gay concerns. The name for the program was taken from the majority re• port, which asked local churches "to seek more light" on • the subject of homosexuality. Recognizing that much of the impetus for social • change is always generated from grass-roots movements, • other denominational groups adopted the More Light • model in the 1980s. Lutherans Concerned initiated the • Reconciled in Christ Program and Affirmation (United • Methodists) began the Reconciling Congregation Program • in 1983 and 1984, respectively. The United Church Coali• tion for Lesbian/Gay Concerns prevailed upon the UCC General Synod to adopt a denominationally sponsored • Open and Affirming program in 1985. The GLAD AI• liance (Disciples of Christ) have joined in the Open and • Affirming efforts. The Unitarian Univeralist Association (UUA) initiated the second denominationally sponsored program with the • Welcoming Congregation Program in 1989. This program • manifests the maturation of these programs and long• standing support for lesbian/gay concerns within the • UUA with its 10-point guidelines which congregations • have to adopt in order to become Welcoming Congregations. 1986 -Father John McNeill, S.J., receives order from . . Vatican to cease all -Lutheran Church in . ministry with the gay 13 Sustaining The Spirit 4. Leaving Home / Coming Home / Creating Family • L: We are God's people! · P: God's good peoplelesbian women, gay men, bisexuals, and those who stand in solidarity with us. • L: We are God's people! · P: God's beautiful peoplebrown as the earth; pale as moonlight; black as the night sky; red as the sunset; golden as sunlight-We are God's living rainbow. • L: We are God's people! · P: Dancing God's seasonschildren who skip to a wordless tune; young people who Inove to new rhythms each day; adults who march and wheel to the steady beat of a distinctly different drummer; and those elders who've danced all the other dances and now step securely in well-chosen waltz-time. • L: We are God's people! · P: A family like no otherand all like family to each other. We leave home to come home to create family. • L: We are God's people and yet we found "home" to be .......a place of Exodus-a wilderness place where we cannot rest. · P: Because "home" was anger, abandonment, abuse, and denial; "home" was closeted, painful, and oppressive; "home" was unhealthy, uncomfortable, unloving, and unkind; "home" was rejection, guilt, damage, and brokenness. L: And this wilderness home, this place of anguish, is a place that we should only pass through on the road to the new "home"...the "home" just barely visible and still being imagined by spirited souls full of possibility. P: We taste the new home at table-fellowship with our spiritual sisters and brothers, who in our religious communities become the family we cry with, callout to, laugh with, hug, hold, and celebrate with on our special days. L: We people that new home with friends who know our stories...parents who move beyond rejection ...partners who share our dreams. P: We hear that new home in the laughter of children: our daughters and sons, nieces and nephews, sisters and brothers, cousins and grandchildren, L: We feel that new home in the quiet presence we bring to those suffering with AIDS, their partners, families, and friends...sharing what we have: our time, our talent, our prayers. P: we vision our new home in the breaking down of the old and the building up of the new-our new home is furnished with our stories and heroes, role models and martyrs, heroines and heroes, parades and protests, rituals and affirmations, blessings and family reunions. L: We are your people, 0 God! P: We are your people, 0 God! And when we come home to you, you know us as your people. Amen...and amen! Litany written by members of Mid-Atlantic Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns for the Washington metropolitan • area's 1988 interfaith Gay and Lesbian Pride service, merging ideas from dinner following an Affirmation worship service. __~ Open Hands' 14 · Open to Ught that Reconciles: weal Churches in Ministry by Kristan Burkert We limit not the truth of God to our poor reach of mind-by notions of our day and sect-crude, partial, and confined. No, let a new and better hope within our hearts be stirred, for God hath yet more light and truth to break forth from the Word. 1 P astor John Robinson asked for "yet more light" in 1620. His words took on deeper meaning and significance when quoted by his Presbyterian descendants in 1976. In that year, the V nited Presbyterian Church proposed a churchwide study on homosexuality, seeking "more light" on this subject, particularly as it related to ordination of church officers. The study was completed and presented in 1978. Despite favorable resolutions related to civil rights, outreach, education, and dialogue, lesbian/gay persons were left in the shadows. Homosexuality was declared to be a sin, and ordination was denied to gay men and lesbians seeking to take lay and clergy leadership roles in their denomination. Yet, at the same time, a movement was born. Presbyterian congregations dissatisfied with their denomination's stand began to adopt resolutions announcing their intention to include gay men and lesbians in their membership and their leadership. These local churches called themselves "More Light" congregations. V nited Methodists faced the same kind of setback in 1984 when their national governing body voted that "selfavowed practicing homosexuals" could not be ordained as clergy. With the Presbyterian concept of "More Light" churches as a pattern, the "Reconciling Congregation" program came into being that same year. For Presbyterians and Vnited Methodists, national church statements were a catalyst for organizing a "loyal opposition" movement that gave explicit welcome to gay men and lesbians. Other denominations followed different paths, but each local church movement addressed the same question: are lesbians and gay men welcome to worship as full participants in the Body of Christ? Lutherans began the "Reconciled in Christ" (RIC) program in 1983. John Ballew, then president of Lutherans Concerned, wrote an "Affirmation of Welcome" to gay men and lesbians that has become the centerpiece of the RIC program. "Open and Mfirming" congregations of the V nited Church of Christ (VCC ) are the first local churches to welcome lesbians and gay men as part of a denominationally sponsored program. In 1985, the VCC's General Synod called on local congregations to declare themselves "open and affirming" of their lesbian/gay and bisexual members. This support has been influential, and yet the congregational polity of the V CC means that this denomination also sees the welcome mat laid out one church at a time. (Disciples of Christ congregations in "covenanting" relationships with VCC congregations have become "Open and Affirming" congregations at the same time. A parallel movement of the same name is beginning in that denomination.) The most recent movement is the Vnitarian Vniversalist Association's (VVA's) program of "Welcoming Congregations," adopted by that denomination in April 1989 after more than two years of preparation and study. V nlike other programs where each congregation declares its welcome of lesbians and gay men, deciding for itself how that might be embodied, the VVA program includes a 10-point definition and 10 measurable criteria for a local church to examine before being recognized as a "Welcoming Congregation." All of these programs have learned from and built upon each other. Ecumenical cooperation is evident. By being the first such program, the "More Light" effort has provided an inspiration and model for other groups to adapt to their own situations. The "More Light" flyer recommends Open Hands, the journal of the Reconciling Congregation program. The Lutheran program coordinator circulates the V nited Methodist video, "Casting Out Fear," and reports being contacted by members of the V nited Church of Canada who want to start a similar congregational program. One VVA article mentions assistance received from the "Reconciled in Christ" program in its planning process. V CC leaders cite learning from the "Reconciling Congregation" program about the value of convocations bringing together church members already committed to gay/lesbian ministries with those just beginning to explore. Denominational differences flavor the emphases of each program. Presbyterians, with yearly national conventions, have a political focus less prominent in other programs. They also face a major barrier since some elected lay offices in local churches are ordained positions. A ruling of the denomination's judicial body in 1985 makes the "More Light" stand a form of "ecclesiastical disobedience." The VCC's liberal national leadership has given us the first picture of a denominational president giving active public support for affirming ministries with gay /lesbian people. The VVA, which has supported lesbian/gay rights for 20 years, is giving us the first program that emphasizes that a congregation's welcome is shown by its actions, not primarily by its words in the form of a resolution. Despite differences, these programs understand themselves to be parallel phenomena. One Presbyterian flyer explains simply that "More Light" churches are "called Reconciling Congregations in the Vnited Methodist Church." Each program reflects a common goal to extend a full welcome to gay men and lesbians seeking to be part of a worshiping congregation. The decision-making process and the importance of study are emphasized in every program. Congregations are invited to explore and encouraged to take time to study. Real growth and change is the goal, not simply a quick favorable vote. A humble spirit can be seen between the - Winter 1990 15 • lines; true respect for others, including those still trapped • in homophobic attitudes, is evident. · A Home for Over the years, church members working for greater ac• ceptance of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people have found • that "putting a face on the issue" is the most effective way to change hearts and minds. People unwilling to ex• amine the "issue" of homosexuality find themselves • touched by the life of the person next to them in the pew: • a person who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Attitudes • change because of direct experience with the lives of faithful gay men, lesbians, and bisexual persons. This happens most easily at the local church level. The ques• tion "would you welcome a gay man or lesbian as a • member of this congregation?" might have been answered • "no" until a lesbian or gay man is known by name: • "Susan" or "Joe," who says hello to me each week or sings so faithfully with the choir. The abstract question of welcome becomes specific and attitudes are stretched. It is harder to close the door on someone you already have • come to know and love. The first churches in each program were churches • where the issue was not new: churches with visible • lesbian/gay members and sometimes with special • ministries to the gay/lesbian communities in which they were located. Not every program emphasizes the actions : that follow a decision to welcome gay men and lesbians. : Growth is ongoing, however, and congregations take a • variety of steps to embody the commitment in their • words. Some celebrate "gay pride" week; same-sex couples, • are listed in the church directory as couples; space is pro• vided for gay/lesbian positive organizations such as de• nominational caucus groups or Parents and Friends of : lesbians and Gays. Churches announce their status as "Reconciling," "More Light," "Welcoming," "Open and • Affirming," or "Reconciled in Christ" congregations on • their bulletin boards and in their advertising; many work • to share the good news of their experiences with neighbor• ing congregations. The study process and self-examination that a con: gregation experiences in deciding to give an explicit • welcome to gay men and lesbians is a time of soul search• ing about important issues of faith as well as sexuality. It • is not easy. Questions arise: How are we assured that we • are acceptable to God? What does it mean to be a sexual • being created by God? Do we really believe that faith : alone is necessary for salvation? Often, grace is discovered • in a new way. Congregations experience a revival as • spiritual lives are deepened. Congregations that have taken the steps to affiliate with • one of these programs believe that the church as a whole • should have a welcoming attitude toward lesbians and gay : men and the gifts that they bring to the church in their • participation. They are willing to step out front with that belief, sometimes hoping to guide the rest of the church • along that way, sometimes simply secure that they are doing the right thing, the loving thing, by welcoming • everyone to their church. ~ Reference 1. Words adapted from those of Rev. John Robinson, 1620. Kristan Burkert is a United Methodist in Portland, Oregon, who looks forward to worshiping regularly in a congregation like the ones she heard about while researching this article. :a eby Freda Smith I was born into a fundamentalist Christian sect in -'----.. .. -. -~ lesbian/Gay Evangelicals · . rural America. I had no awareness of homosexuality until the truth of my sexual orientation was so ap• parent I could no longer fight with it, attempt to pray it • away, or distance myself from my own identity. In this I : am no different from hundreds of thousands of indivi• duals today. Today, as was true in my young years of self-discovery, · the evangelical tradition continues to offer its gay/lesbian • children "stones instead of bread" and "serpents instead • of fish" (Mt. 7:9-10). Almost without exception, the evan: gelical tradition within the United States remains hostile and condemning of the gay/lesbian lifestyle. Two examples show the extremes common among evangelicals: The pastor of Sacramento's largest evangelical church, in declining an invitation to join in an ecumenical • prayer vigil on behalf of persons with AIDS, wrote, "God does not listen to the prayers of practicing gays and les• bians." Meanwhile, a major televangelist proclaimed on • national TV concerning a ministry to gay men and lesbians: "Thank God, this vile and satanic system will one • ?ay be ut~rly annihilated and there will be a celebration m heaven. Choosing to ignore the core of Jesus' teaching and their : own tradition of "salvation by grace through faith" (Eph. • 2:8), and insisting on wresting a very few verses out of context, the traditional evangelical church pressures its lesbian/gay children into heterosexual marriage or loveless celibacy-threatening them with exposure, rejection, and • ruin-in the name of Christ. Yet many gay men and lesbians try to stay within the traditional evangelical churches. But why? Why do they struggle to hold onto a faith that so soundly rejects them? Because, for many, the fervor and joy inherent in the evangelical tradition of worship, the absorption in a study of "born again" power, and the felt presence of the Spirit of God is the foundation of their world view. Open Hands 16 ::---.. ---r ------r .. -; ""Q5-.It is thus not surprising that a new denomination, the -,--.~. Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC), has appeared with such strength in the last two decades. Perhaps it should be surprising that no one before Troy Perry, a former pentecostal Church of God of Prophecy clergy, did what was (in the words of UFMCC's Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson) "a typically American Protestant thing, .. .instead of begging an oppressive church to tolerate us ... he started a new church ... and called us ...to stand up for the fact that gays and lesbians do not need outside spiritual authority to make us whole or spiritual." On October 6, 1968, Rev. Perry placed an advertisement in The Advocate, a gay news magazine, inviting gay men and lesbians to join him in worship. In the 21 years since that first meeting, UFMCC congregations have circled the globe and have become a force to be reckoned with in dialogue with the U.S. National Council of Churches. At first, the UFMCC was seen as a temporary religious movement "in business to work its way out of business." The view was that, once existing churches had been challenged on their patently un-Christian view of lesbians and gay men, all lesbian/gay Christians would return to-or come out in-the church of their origins. Over time, however, the UFMCC has come to see itself as a denomination in its own right. The fellowship's Rev. Janet Pierce has described our ministry in this way: "[UFMCC] has its roots in the evangelical tradition, but it has been tempered by the oppression experienced by most of its members in society and Church ... while the Bible is central and divinely inspired, it is not an inerrant transmission directly from God .... It is closer to [mainline churches] in its view of the authority of scripture, but closer to the [evangelical] in its emphasis on scripture." Winter 1990 Prophetically then, the UFMCC has been what it was originally proclaimed to be-and more. Congregations within our church are made up of both lesbian/gay and nongay persons. Issues of inclusive language, ministry of the laity, catastrophic illnesses, and ministries with people of color have equal emphasis with issues of sexual identity. A recent pamphlet offers this overview: "A church which proclaims liberation for all, a church which extends its ministry to persons of all races and backgrounds, to young and old alike, to rich and poor, a church which welcomes Gays, Lesbians and heterosexuals to worship together, to witness and serve together." T Reverend Elder Freda Smith is vice moderator of the Governing Board of Elders of the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches. Evangelical Christians are a widely varied group-ranging, for example, from the charismatic Pentecostalists to Fundamentalists who oppose charismatic religion as contrary to the gospel. Not surprisingly, this diversity of perspective and experience exists among lesbian/gay evangelicals just as it does among evangelicals in general. The breadth of organizations serving lesbian/gay evangelical Christians reflects this diversity, with the UFMCC only the largest of these groups. Some organizations are denominationally oriented (for example, Seventh-Day Adventist Kinship) or aimed at a particular strain of evangelicalism (such as the National Gay Pentecostal Alliance). Evangelicals Concerned, a national group with local chapters across the United States, gives particular emphasis to promoting dialogue with evangelical congregations, to countering the claims of religious "ex-gay" movements, and to ministering to the needs of persons who have been hurt by those movements. Addresses for these and other lesbian/gay Christian organizations can be found in the "Resources" section on page 19. 17 • I. \ \ ,. L . Third WJrld lesbian/Gay Christians . by Carolyn Mobley ,,-;, / /' ,/ ./ W~/, here are Third World lesbian/gay Christians? .;/ ;/ What are their religious and spiritual needs? Where and how do they worship? I have been asked these questions many times by various M CC (Metropolitan Community Church) pastors and friends in Dignity and other lesbian/gay religious /<~, groups. My answer isn't too profound---=-'I don't know." I ...; ~ / can only speak for myself and share with you my journey, my observations, and my reasons for my choices. I was born into a black educated Christian family. My maternal grandfather was a Baptist preacher. My mother and three of her siblings were educators. Most of my uncles, aunts, and cousins were all active church folks. I became a Christian at the age of 10 and excelled in church activities. Before I entered high school, I was aware that I was drawn to girls in a special way. But I was also aware that my family, church, and community expected me to act just the opposite of what I felt. So I tried to please everyone. I promised God and myself that I would not act on my homosexual or lesbian feelings. I went off to college to earn a degree in religious education and returned home to begin my career in church work. At this time I also decided that I was old enough (I was 22) to become sexually active. During the next year and a half I explored my sexual feelings for women. : I soon realized that it was time for me to move away from home, so I came to Atlanta to earn a seminary degree in Christian education and to continue my career in the church as a religious educator. Around that time I happened to read an article in a major news magazine about Rev. Troy Perry and a church in California for homosexuals. I found the idea fascinating and wanted to know more about such a church. Then I discovered that in one of my classes (at a predominantly black seminary) was a white gay man who was the associate pastor of MCC Atlanta. How providential that God would set this up! Rev. Jim Snow and I became good friends. While I remained an active member of the Southern Baptist church where I was working, I also began visiting MCC Atlanta from time to time. When I graduated from seminary in 1976 and began work as a Baptist home missionary, I was also beginning a new relationship with a woman who was an active member of MCC Atlanta. During these early years (1976 to 1981), I felt I was the only person of color in MCC Atlanta. I felt peripheral to the whole MCC movement because I did not see other people of color involved in MCC. This began to change in 1982 when I attended a national Conference for Third World Lesbian/Gay Christians in Washington, D.C. The conference was sponsored by MCC and led by Rev. Renee McCoy, Rev. Delores Berry, and other people of color in MCC. There were about 75 of us-many from MCC, but also others from other religious groups. We talked about the different parts of ourselves-being black, being gay, and being Christian. We shared our experience of always being a:sK.~U to reject a part of ourselves-white folks didn't want us to be black, black folks didn't want us to be gay, even our gay friends couldn't understand why we held onto our Christian faith. We found networks of support around the country. Rev. Renee McCoy had begun an MCC congregation in Harlem. There was a group that was beginning to worship together in Chicago. Rev. James Tinney had begun the Pentecostal Coalition for Human Rights in Washington, D.C. A sense of solidarity in the movement of Third World lesbian/gay Christians was beginning to form. The next year Jim Tinney invited me to sing at a revival service in Washington, D.C. This was the kickoff for a new congregation, Faith Temple, which he founded there. I began attending MCC General Conferences and had other opportunities to work together with my newly found colleagues. For the first time I began to feel that I had found community, that I had found a home. Presently, there is a strong movement of people of color in MCC-blacks, Asians, and Latinos. MCC's Department of Third World Ministries represents that movement and leads a worship service and workshops on racism at MCC general conferences. Other congregations are beginning to form around the country, including a new congregation in Detroit led by Rev. Renee McCoy. The evidence of change can also be seen in MCC Atlanta. After my 14 years of involvement, MCC Atlanta is finally show-• ing a growth in the participation of people of color. Why has this change taken so long? My own speculation is that we, black gay/ lesbian Christians, have found it more important to hold onto the familiarity of black culture and black worship, even in the midst of the homophobia prevalent in our churches, than to ideI;ltify fully as gay men and lesbians. This is still true for the larger number of our sisters and brothers now. But we are • moving toward the time when we can be as equally proud of our gayness as we are of our blackness. White gay men • and lesbians haven't had to deal with the discomfort of being white. We have had the disparity of struggling first to affirm our blackness and then move on to affirm our gayness. That's where we are today; that's the challenge we face as Third World lesbian/gay Christians. T Carolyn Mobley is a Florida-born black lesbian living in Atlanta. During the 1980s she worked in the secular com-• munity. She is re-entering full-time Christian ministry in the 1990s as openly lesbian to use her gifts in worship and music in Christian conferences, revivals, and church retreats. Open Hands 18 Resources LJ National Lesbian/Gay Denominational Organizations Descriptive text below was provided by organizations who responded to requests for information. Affirm: Gays and Lesbians of the United Church of Canada Box 34458, Station "D," Vancouver, British Columbia V6J 4L6 "A worshipping community celebrating the Biblical and theological liberation which recognizes lesbian and gay people as members of the whole people of God. It is the purpose of this group to affirm gay and lesbian people within the United Church of Canada, provide a network of support among regional groups, act as a point of contact for individuals, and speak to the church in a united fashion encouraging it to act prophetically and pastorally both within and beyond the church structure." Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons P.O. Box 46022, Los Angeles, CA 90046 213 / 255-7251 Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204 312/475-0499 "A churchwide, inclusive community of lesbians and gay men, bisexuals, and heterosexuals who affirm the presence of all persons, regardless of affectionallsexual orientation, in the United Methodist Church. We serve both as a network for justice-seeking ministries and as a personal support network for lesbian and gay United Methodists." American Baptists Concerned 872 Erie St., Oakland, CA 94610 415/465-8652 "A fellowship of both gay and nongay Christians working to foster within our church (American Baptist Churches in the USA) a community of understanding, justice, and reconciliation for all women and men regardless of their sexual orientation or affectional preference. Our hope is to persuade the ABCUSA to face honestly, aggressively, and forthrightly the questions and needs of gay people within the church and also those driven from the church by its lack of understanding." Axios-Eastern & Orthodox Christian Gay Men & Women 328 W. 17th St., #4-F, New York, NY lOon 2121989-2595 Winter 1990 Brethren/Mennonite Council for Lesbian & Gay Concerns P.O. Box 65724, Washington, DC 20035 202/462-2595 "Founded in 1976 to provide support for Brethren and Mennonite gay people, their parents, spouses, relatives, and friends; to foster dialogue between gay and nongay people in the churches; and to provide accurate information about homosexuality from the social sciences, biblical studies, and theology." Dignity, Inc. (Roman Catholic) 1.500 Massachusetts Ave. NW, #11, Washinl:,rton, DC 20015 202/ 861-0017 "A national organization of gay Roman Catholics, their familie5, and their friends. It provides spiritual affirmation for gay Catholics through no chapters across the country and works within the Roman Catholic Church for reassessment and renewal of its sexual theology." Emergence International: Christian Scientists Supporting Lesbians and Gay Men P.O. Box 581, Kentfield, CA 94914 415/ 485-1881 "We are apolitical; we honor the integrity of individual growth and provide a healing and reinforcing environment of safety and affirmation to help people deal with homophobia and heterosexism in and out of the Church." Evangelicals Concerned c/o Dr. Ralph Blair, 3n E. 72nd Street, Suite I-G, New York, NY 10021 212/ 517-3171 Friends for Lesbian/Gay Concerns (Quakers) P.O. Box 222, Sumneytown, PA 18084 "An association of lesbian, gay, and nongay Friends (Quakers) who seek spiritual community within the Religious Society of Friends. From this fellowship, we seek to know that of God within ourselves and others and to express God's truth in both the Quaker and lesbian/gay communities, as it is made clear to us." Gay, Lesbian, and Affirming Disciple Alliance -GLAD Alliance P.O. Box 19223, Indianapolis, IN 46219 Hotline numbers: 2061725-7001, 707/823-6517 "We are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and affirming laity, clergy, and friends from Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) congregations within the United States and Canada. Our alliance strives to maintain a visible presence within the denomination through annual retreats, a quarterly newsletter, regional contact persons, an Open and Affirming Congregation program, and activities and advocacy at regional and general assemblies." Integrity, Inc. (Episcopal) P.O. Box 19561, Washington, DC 20036 212/ 942-3686 "The Episcopal Church's lesbian and gay ministry. The organization is open to all who support gay and lesbian rights in the EpiscopallAnglican Church. Members include several bishops. Integrity's goal is to bring the church to the lesbian and gay community and to bring the lesbian and gay community to the church." Lutherans Concerned P.O. Box 10461, Ft. Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL 60610 313/ 353-8329 National Gay Pentecostal Alliance P.O. Box 1391, Schenectady, NY 12301 "A Oneness Pentecostal fellowship. Our purpose is to establish a network of churches where gay and lesbian Christians may worship in Spirit and in Tmth without fear of condemnation on the basis of sexual orientation. Membership is open to all. NGPA is divided into four departments: Lighthouse Ministries (outreach and evangelism), Pentecostal Bible Institute (offers ministerial training in Schenectady or by correspondence), Foreign Missions, and Home Missions. Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns James D. Anderson, Communications Secretary, P.O. Box 38, New Brunswick, NJ 08903 2011846-1510; 2011932-7501 "We seek full membership, including ordination, for lesbian and gay Christians in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). We meet annually with the church's General Assembly, in regional conferences, and locally in 20 ~hapters around the country." Reformed Church in America Gay Caucus P.O. Box 8174, Philadelphia, PA 19101 Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International P.O. Box 3840, Los Angeles, CA 90078 East: 617/436-5950; west: 213/876-2076 Sovereignty (Jehovah's Witnesses) P.O. Box 27242, Santa Ana, CA 92799 Unitarian Universalists for Lesbian & Gay Concerns 25 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108 6171742-2100 United Church Coalition for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns 18 N. College S1., Athens, OH 45701 614/ 593-7301 "A recognized special interest group of the United Church of Christ, committed to ministry with and justice for lesbian, gay, and bisexual United Church members. their families, and friends." 19 Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches 5300 Santa Monica Blvd., Ste. 304, Los Angeles, CA 90029 213/464-5100 "An ecumenical Christian denomination of 250 congregations in 14 countries with a primary outreach to the lesbian and gay community. The UFMCC promotes individual spiritual development and is committed to principles of social justice including the elimination of poverty, illness, sexism, racism, and homophobia." Local Congregations Publicly Welcoming Lesbians and Gay Men Since 1978, congregations in several Protestant denominations have been invited to publicly welcome the full participation of lesbians and gay men. There are now 170 More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Mfirming (Disciples of Christ and United Church of Christ), Reconciled in Christ (lutheran), and Reconciling (United Methodist) congregations. Following is a complete list of these congregations, given alphabetically by state and city. The affiliation of each congregation is designated by the following codes: ML More Light (Presbyterian) ONA Open and Mfirming (Disciples and UCC) RIC Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran) RC Reconciling Congregation (United Methodist) ARIWNA Tucson S1. Francis in the Foothills UMC (RC) CALIFORNIA Alameda First Christian (ONA) First Congregational (ONA) Albany Albany UMC (RC) Altadena Altadena Congregational (ONA) Christ the Good Shepherd lutheran (RIC) Baldwin Park First Presbyterian (ML) Berkeley Berkeley & Richmond Intercity Ministry (ONA) Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran (RIC) Trinity UMC (RC) University lutheran Chapel (RIC) Fresno Wesley UMC (RC) Larkspur Redwoods Presbyterian (ML) Los Angeles Crescent Heights UMC (RC) United University (ML,RC) West Hollywood Presbyterian (ML) Wilshire UMC (RC) Marin City St. Andrews Presbyterian (ML) Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC (RC) Modesto College Avenue Congregational (ONA) North Hollywood S1. Matthew's Lutheran (RIC) Oakland Faith American lutheran (RIC) lutheran Peace Fellowship (RIC) Montclair Presbyterian (ML) Peace UCC (ONA) S1. Paul's lutheran (RIC) Palo Alto Covenant Presbyterian (ML) First Presbyterian (ML) University lutheran (RIC) Richmond Grace Lutheran (RIC) Sacramento lutheran Church of Our Redeemer (RIC) San Francisco Bethany UMC (RC) Calvary UMC (RC) Christ lutheran (RIC) First Congregational (ONA) First United lutheran (RIC) Hamilton UMC (RC) Noe Valley Ministry (ML) Seventh Avenue Presbyterian (ML) St. Francis lutheran (RIC) S1. Mark's lutheran (RIC) St. Paulus lutheran (RIC) Trinity UMC (RC) San Jose Christ/Good Shepherd lutheran (RIC) San Mateo College Heights UCC (ONA) San Rafael Faith lutheran (RIC) Santa Barbara La Mesa Community (ONA) Santa Monica The Church in Ocean Park (RC) Sausalito First Presbyterian (ML) Sebastopol Church of the Reconciliation (ONA) SUlUlyvale St. John's lutheran (RIC) Tiburon Westminster Presbyterian (ML) Vacaville St. Paul's UMC (RC) COWRADO Boulder First Congregational (ONA) Denver S1. Paul's UMC (RC) Fort Collins S1. Thomas University Chapel (RIC) CONNECTICUT New Haven Church of Christ in Yale Univ. (ONA) United ChUrch on the Green (ONA) DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington, D.C. Augustana lutheran (RIC) Church of the Reformation (RIC) Christ UMC (RC) Community of Christ lutheran (RIC) Dumbarton UMC (RC) First Congregational (ONA) Westminster Presbyterian (ML) GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC (RC) FWRIDA Tampa St. Timothy lutheran (RIC) ILLINOIS Carbondale Church of the Good Shepherd (ONA) Champaign McKinley Memorial Presbyterian (ML) S1. Andrew's lutheran (RIC) Chicago Albany Park UMC (RC) Christ. the Mediator lutheran (RIC) Irving Park UMC (RC) Lake View lutheran (RIC) Lincoln Park Presbyterian (ONA) Maywood House Church (RIC) Resurrection lutheran (RIC) United Church of Rogers Park (RC) University UCC (ONA) Wellington Avenue UCC (ONA) DeKalb University UMC (RC) Evanston Hemenway UMC (RC) Wheadon UMC (RC) Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC (RC) Good Shepherd lutheran (RIC) • KANSAS Mission ecumenikos (ML) • KENTUCKY Louisville Central Presbyterian (ML) • WUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC (RC) • MARYLAND Baltimore First & Franklin Presbyterian (ML) St. John's UMC (RC) St. Mark's lutheran (RIC) Waverly Presbyterian (ML) Lmham Good Samaritan lutheran (RIC) Rockville Rockville Presbyterian (ML) MASSACHUSETfS Amherst First Congregational (ONA) South Congregational (ONA) Boston Church of the Covenant (ONA,ML) Church of the United Community (ONA) Cambridge University lutheran (RIC) Framingham Grace UCC (ONA) Shrewsbury M1. Olivet lutheran (RIC) Wendell Wendell UCC (ONA) Worcester United Congregational (ONA) MICHIGAN AlUl Arbor Church of the Good Shepherd (ONA) Lord of Light Lutheran (RIC) Northside Presbyterian (ML) Douglas Douglas Congregational (ONA) Ypsilanti First Congregational (ONA) MINNESOTA Edina Edina Community Lutheran (RIC) Minneapolis Community of S1. Martin (RIC) First Congregational (ONA) Grace University lutheran (RIC) Holy Trinity lutheran (RIC) Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) Our Savior's lutheran (RIC) Prospect Park UMC (RC) Spirit of the Lakes (ONA) Walker Community (RC) Wesley UMC (RC) Northfield St. Olaf College (RIC) St. Cloud lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) St. Paul St. Paul-Reformation lutheran (RIC) Open Hands 20 Wayzatta St. LIke Presbyterian (ML) MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC (RC) NEW JERSEY South Orange I."irst Presbyterian & Trinity (ML) Trenton Prospect Street Presbyterian (ML) NEW YORK Brookhaven Old South Haven Presbyterian (ML) Brooklyn Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian (ML) Park 'Slope UMC (RC) Buffalo Westminster Presbyterian (ML) Dobbs Ferry South Presbyterian (ML) Geneva North Presbyterian (ML) Grand Island Riverside Salem (ONA) Henrietta John Calvin Presbyterian (ML) Marcellus First Presbyterian (ML) New York Good Shepherd-Faith Presbyterian (ML) Grace & St. Paul's Lutheran (RIC) Metropolitan-Duane UMC (RC) Riverside (ONA) Washington Square UMC (RC) West-Park Presbyterian (ML) Oneonta First UMC (RC) Rochester Calvary St. Andrews (ML) Downtown Presbyterian (ML) Third Presbyterian (ML) Snyder Amherst Community (ONA) • NORTH DAKOfA Fargo University Lutheran Center (RIC) • OHIO Norton Grace UCC (ONA) Toledo Central UMC (RC) • OREGON Estacada Estacada UMC (RC) Portland Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) • PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC (RC) University Lutheran of Incarnation (RIC) • TENNESSEE Nashville Edgehill UMC (RC) • TEXAS Austin First English Lutheran (RIC) Dallas Bethany Presbyterian (ML) • VERMONT Burlington Christ Presbyterian (ML) • WASHINGIDN Chelan Fullness of God Lutheran (RIC) Mountlake Terrace Terrace View Presbyterian (ML) Olympia Community for Christ (ONA) Seattle Capitol Hill UMC (RC) Findlay Street Christian (ONA) Prospect UCC (ONA) Wallingford UMC (RC) • WISCONSIN Eau Claire University Lutheran (RIC) Madison University (RC) Milwaukee Metro Milwaukee Campus Ministry (RIC) New Hope (ONA) Village Lutheran (RIC) Sheboygan Wesley UMC (RC) Letters Dear editors, I am a new subscriber to Open Hands, and I am very pleased to say that I eagerly await each issue. I especially like the fact that your publication specifically pertains to practicing Christians who also happen to be gay and lesbian. The article "Finding My Way" in the Fall 1989 edition was a fine piece, but I found nothing relating to a Christian experience in it other than the author being befriended by a United Methodist minister. This article could just as easily have appeared in any number of gay publications. Your publication is unique in that it is intended for gay and lesbian Christians, and I hope that it doesn't try to become too "inclusive." Yours truly, Phillip G. Kuhlman West Chester, P A Winter 1990 I Dear editors, have received a couple of issues of Open Hands on my own subscription and have seen a few back issues. I have enjoyed being exposed to thought-provoking ideas and commonplace stories of people trying to make a difference individually and through their churches. But what has moved me to write was a simple little article in your last issue [Summer 89], "Back Home to the Fann". I hope you will get more people to write about being gay in rural communities. We need examples of how people deal with isolation, fear of exposure, and negative consequences. It would be great to hear how rural and small town churches are trying to make gay men and lesbians feel at home in their own churches. Our family is going through the trauma of AIDS. We have found local doctors, hospital personnel, and dentist prepared to deal with AIDS in a safe and supportive way. They have not been caught unprepared. The extended family is supportive and loving. But, sadly, we are not able to bring ourselves to use the resources of the church my husband was raised in. You probably can't remedy our cynicism or fears, but do share with us news of how small town and country churches are making all of their members welcome. Sincerely, Susan Wyoming Annual Conference (NY/PA) You are invited to exchange ideas. comments. and reactions with other readers through this new, regular feature of Open Hands. Send your letters to: Open Hands. P.O. Box 23636. Washington. D.C. 20026. -The editors 21 • • • • • Rep Report WELCOME TO 42nd RC Estacada UMC (Estacada, Oregon) Estacada is a town of about 1,000 persons located 25 miles southeast of Portland, Oregon. The Methodist church was organized at the same time as the incorporation of the town-in 1906. Church membership peaked at about 150 members in the 1950s. The church was served by its first woman pastor in 1951. A proliferation of new churches in the community and the departure of many young adults from the community in the 1970s led to a decline in membership. A keen awareness of the social implications of the Gospel has been the trademark of Estacada's mission over the past two decades. Although a small church, several of Estacada's members are actively engaged in the larger church at the district, conference, and national church levels of the UMC. Estacada voted to become a Reconciling Congregation on November 8, 1989, after an extended period of study and dialogue. The vote, taken by secret ballot, was unanimous. A service of dedication was held on December 10. Pastor B. David Williams shares some of his reflections: "Nobody had told us that it would be easy, and it hasn't! Already, though, becoming a Reconciling Congregation has been a source of blessings. Together and as individuals we're in dialogue with our community as never before about critical issues related to the Bible and to people and their pain. The media has given us sympathetic coverage. New persons have shown up for worship primarily because of our new identity, including some gay and lesbian persons and a couple who have a gay son .... "But the most rewarding part is to experience the appreciation of the gay and lesbian community, to see a mother sitting in worship with her gay son, to pick a card from a pew that says "I feel that a great weight has been lifted when I can worship in a United Methodist Church without denying who I am." 22 On January 14, Prospect Park UMC in Minneapolis voted to become the 43rd Reconciling Congregation. On February n, First UMC of Germantown in Philadelphia became the 44th. We'll introduce these two congregations in the next issue of Open Hands. RCP TESTIFIES BEFORE STUDY COMMITTEE Three representatives of the Reconciling Congregation Program testified before the UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality during its December 1989 meeting in Atlanta. Mark Bowman, program coordinator and member of Christ UMC (Washington, D.C.) related the history and purpose of the program to the committee. Reva Anderson, member of Central UMC (Toledo, Ohio), gave a stirring testimonial on a Biblical basis for reconciliation. Rev. Sally Daniel, pastor of Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC (Atlanta) told the dramatic story of the new life which the RCP awakened in her congrega tion. Also testifying during the weekend meeting were representatives of Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, the Methodist Federation for Social Action, Good News, and the Transforming Congregation Program. This meeting was the occasion for the members of the study committee to hear from different "interest groups" within the church. In other business, the committee finalized plans for collecting information and data on homosexuality and began planning for the next phase of their work-writing their report. Upcoming meetings of the study committee will be March 9-12 in Boston and August 2-5 in Chicago. Interested persons are welcome to observe the meetings of the study committee. TRINITY UMC TO BUILD CENTER WITH NAMES PROJECT Trinity UMC (San Francisco) has announced a joint project with the Names Project to construct a multipurpose facility to serve as a service center for persons with AIDS, a home for the AIDS Quilt, and an assembly hall for the congrega• tion and other community groups. The site of the center is the former location of Trinity's church building, which burned and was razed in 1981. Trinity will provide the land for the new center and will work with the Names Project in raising funds for construction. The center will provide office and worship space for the Trinity con~egation. The Names Project has been seeking a permanent home for its AIDS Quilt. The Quilt has been displayed in many cities across the country over the past three years. Now consisting of more than 10,000 panels, the October 1989 display of the Quilt in Washington, D.C. was announced as the last public display of the full Quilt. Trinity and the Names Project will announce an international design competition in early 1990 and seek completion of the center by 1992. UM NATIONAL AIDS TASK FORCE FORMED A special UMC national task force on AIDS ministries was organized in January 1990. This task force was ordered by the 1988 General Conference. The purpose of the task force is to coordinate the network of AIDS ministries already in existence in annual conferences, to assist conferences which want to begin such ministries, and to provide educational resources to help the church provide an effective response to the AIDS epidemic. The task force's initial plans, as discussed in its first meeting, are to focus on educating local congregations about ministries with persons with AIDS and on outreach to persons affected by AIDS. Of the 15 current members of the committee, one, Terry Boyd of St. Louis, has been diagnosed with AIDS. More members of the task force are to be added in the coming months. Paul Dirdak, pastor of Trinity UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in San Francisco, is the chair of the task force. Open Hands LESBIAN AND GAY LUTHERAN PASTORS ORDAINED Several hundred persons filled St. Paulus Lutheran Church in San Francisco on January 20 to celebrate the ordinations of Ruth Frost, Phyllis Zillhart, and Jeff Johnson. A mass choir from area churches provided stirring music. Preacher Carter Heyward, on the faculty of Episcop~l Divinity School in Cambridge, Massachusetts, reminded the congregation that those who chose to wrestle with God and demand God's blessing will bear the mark of that event. Finally, more than 30 clergy participated in the "laying on of hands" in the traditional Lutheran service of ordination. The ordination was the culmination of the efforts of Bay Area Lutheran churches to organize the Lutheran Lesbian and Gay Ministry (LLGM). LLGM was formed in early 1989 to begin an outreach ministry with lesbians and gay men in the Bay Area and to help find churches willing to call openly lesbian/gay pastors. On October 29, 1989, St. Francis Lutheran Church voted to call Ruth Frost and Phyllis Zillhart, a lesbian couple, to be part of the LLGM leadership team. On November 4, 1989, First United Lutheran Church voted to call Jeff Johnson to complete the LLGM staff. Bishop 41e Miller of the Sierra Pacific Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) stated in November that he would convene a committee to determine the appropriate discipline for the two congregations which called Frost, Zillhart, and Johnson. Draft guidelines for ordination in the newly formed ELCA draw a distinction between homosexual orientation and behavior, with the latter being grounds for denying ordination. Letters were delivered to the two congregations on the day following the ordination service. According to a Religious New Service report, the letters indicated that charges were being filed by Bishop Miller because the congregations had "willfully disregarded and violated a criterion for recognition as congregations" of the denomination. Frost and Zillhart are graduates of Luther Northwestern Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota. Johnson is a graduate of Pacific Lutheran Seminary in Berkeley. He was certified for ordination in 1988 by the Lutheran Church in America, a predecessor to the ELCA. When Johnson and two seminary classmates refused to make a promise of life-long abstinence from sexual expression, they were denied ordination. Winter 1990 MFSA DECLARED "RECONCILING ORGANIZATION" One recognition we failed to make in 1989 was that the Methodist Federation for Social Action (MFSA) declared itself to be a Reconciling Organization. The following resolution was passed by the MFSA Executive Committee last January: WHEREAS MFSA has been and continues to be a bold advocate for gay and lesbian persons and has worked for corrective changes in the Book of Discipline and supports the ordination and full participation of self-avowed, practicing homosexual persons, has worked in coalition with Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, to whom the Ball Award was presented at the 1988 General Conference Jubilee Celebration, and WHEREAS MFSA encouraged and enabled the Reconciling Congregation Program to be adopted in local churches and annual conferences and has authorized and disseminated the study packet Thinking It Through: United Methodists Look at the Church and Homosexuality, THEREFORE we declare that MFSA call itself a Reconciling Organization and encourage chapters to affirm their support by also becoming Reconciling Organizations. CONVOCATION REPORT IN NEXT ISSUE As we go into production with this issue of Open Hands, final preparations are being made for the second national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in San Francisco from February 16-18. We will carry a full report on RENEWING THE VISION: Parables of Hospitality, Healing, and Hope in the spring issue. UPCOMING GATHERINGS April 6-8, 1990-':'Palm Sunday Weekend for Gay & Lesbian Christians" with Virginia Ramey Mollenkott & John McNeill. Beaver Conference Farm, Underhill Avenue, R.D.3, Yorktown Heights, NY 10598. April 20-22, 1990-National meeting of Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns in Kansas City. For info: Mfirmation: P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204. May 29-June 6, 1990-National meeting of Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns in conjunction with the denomination's General Assembly in Salt Lake City. For info: PLGC, P.O. Box 38, New Brunswick, NJ 08903. AND FEMINISM How do they fit together? For fifteen years, DAUGHTERS OF SARAH, the magazine for Christian feminists, has spoken to this question. Each bimonthly magazine examines lively, current issues for women and the church today. Some topics addressed are: spirituality, gender roles, biblical interpretation, divorce, and feminist understandings of sin and grace. Each 40-page issue provides a forum for the ecumenical voices of Christian feminists. All share a commitment to the Scriptures' proclamation of equality, mutual power, and mutual servanthood between women and men. D Send me a trial subscription. Enclosed is $9.00 for a 6month (three issues) subscription. D I want to know more. Please send me a free brochure. Name ___________ Address ___________ Return to: Daughter. of Sarah Dept. 1400 3801 N. Keeler Chicago, IL 60641 23 July 10-15, 1990-National Gathering of seeking information on the Open and the Vnited Church Coalition for LesAffirming Program: bian/Gay Concerns in Los Angeles. WEST COAST: April 29-May 2 at theFor info: VCCL/GC, 18 N. College Mercy Center, Burlingame, Street, Athens, OH 45701. California. July 19-22-Assembly '90, "I Am in MIDWEST: May 6-8 at St. Paul's Your Midst," national gathering of Church, Chicago, Illinois. wtherans Concerned in Chicago. For info: wtherans Concerned, Box 10461, EAST COAST: June 1-3 at the Vnited Fort Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL Congregational Church in Worcester, 60610-0461. Mass. Open and Affirming Regional For info: Ann Day, P.O. Box 403, Conferences-For VCC congregations Holden, MA 01520. -p E -x -A -N -D Your reconciling ministry. Become involved in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Affirmation is a national organization of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and their families, friends, and supporters who seek to be in ministry. Annual dues are $25.00 for individuals and $10.00 for students and those on subsistence incomes. For further information: National Affirmation P. O. Box 1021 Evanston,IL 60202 A path to greater understanding ... And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on the C h LI rc h and Homosexuality This booklet's gentle, personto-person approach -is a perfect starting place for congregations or individuals dealing with questions about homosexual ity: T How do people become homosexual'! T What does the Rible say about homosexuality"! T What's it like to be gay or lesbian in the church today"! "For all who feel the pain ofour times, this much-needelL booklet identifies a path to greater love and understamLing." -C. Dale White, bishop, New York Area, UMe Written by Ann Thomp;;on Cook, ]988. 20 pp. Published by the Dumbarton liMe Task Force on Reconciliation; distributed by the Reconciling Congregation Program. .$4.95 per copy $:-3.00 for bulk orders (10 or more) Please prepay your order with 15% postage and handling to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 5 No 3 - Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/Gay Christian Movement https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/2b26112b39f1397996f098b1767f78ff.pdf 32b123c7c36cd868d510f0bbee384847 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 5 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1989 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine • ? lrl· IS to yours . . .. J It is, give me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Reconciling Mini3tries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 5 No.2 Fall 1989 I IMAGES OF FAMILY Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congrega tion. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washinblion, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Vol. 5 No.2 Fall 1989 The Bible, the Church, and the Family . . .. . ............... . . . .... 4 William A. Beardslee and John B. Cobb, Jr. Making Connections: Intentional Family . ...... . ... . . .. . .. .... . . . . 6 Cindy Darcy Finding My Way ........... .. . . ............................ . .. .. 8 Anonymous It's OK to Go to Bed with Pizza on Your Face ..... . . .. .. . ... . .... 10 Millie Jesson and Susan Pavlik A Father's Testimony .. . . . . ..... . ........... ... ...... .Il Oliver Powell With Love Always, Richard ...... ... .. . . .. ..... .. . . .. . . ... . .. . .. 12 Richard Swanson A Wedding Journal ........... . .. ..... .. ........... . .. .. ....., . . 14 Marshall Brewer and John Calvi Same-Sex Marriage: It's Nothing New . ..... . . . ... . ....... . . .. .. . . 16 Dick Burdon After the Shock ......... .. ... ..... .. . . ..... ..... ..... ......... .17 Jane E. Vennard Strength for the Journey . .... ......... .. . . ....... . . . . . .......... 19 E. Marie Wright-Self Sustaining the Spirit ..... . . ... . .. ..... .. . . ......... . .. . . . ...... 18 Part of the Family Jim Manley Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ........ 20 Letters .. . .. . . ...... ... .. ...... .. . .. .. . .. . ...... . .... . .. . ...... 21 R CP Report . .. . ..... . ...... . ....... . ...... . ... . ...............22 It's OK to Go to Bed with Pizza Same-Sex Marriage: on Your Face ..... . ........... 10 Ifs Nothing New ........ .. . . . 16 2 Open Hands Images of Family Family-what a great feeling to be part of a community that supports, accepts, confronts, judges, and helps give guidance to our lives. One New Testament story presents insight into Jesus' understanding of family. In the scripture, Jesus' disciples come to him, saying, "Jesus, your mother and sisters and brothers are outside." Jesus responds with a penetrating question---':'Who is my mother and brother and family? '':''''-then he provides the answer: "It is those who do the will of God." Through his response, Jesus explodes the simple mother/father, sister/brother image of family. Lyle loder, a long-time leader of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns until his death in 1987, often used the phrase "This is family!" He was saying that the people who really cared and were willing to be present with each other through all life's ups and downs were "family." In this issue of Open Hands, we examine areas in our society and our church in which gay men and lesbians, and the loved ones in their lives, find and experience (or are denied) family. Two inescapable conclusions come through the personal stories told here. One is simply that the "nuclear" image is no longer adequate to define what a family is (if, indeed, that image ever was adequate). This is demonstrated by the vast diversity of connections and living arrangements that people say form the basis of family in their lives. Second, and perhaps most important: all of us-whether gay/lesbian or nongay; coupled or single; young, old, or somewhere in between-need a close sense of family, however we define it, as we face the challenges and struggles of our lives. * * * * * As we promised a few issues back, in this issue we begin printing "letters to the editor." We are constantly striving to expand Open Hands as a forum for you (our readers) to participate with us in producing this magazine. We encourage you to write us, either in reaction to something we print or in expression of some other concern affecting lesbians and gay men in the church. We may not have room for every letter, and we may have to edit some of your letters to fit space available, but we do want to hear from you. Please write us at the address to the right. Next Issue's Theme: The Ecumenical Lesbian/Gay Movement ReconCiling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Bert All lois Seifert Graphic Design Supon Design Group, Inc. Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Rep~ints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1989 by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Fall 1989 3 The Bible, the Church, and the Family What is a family? Perhaps the deepest meaning of the family is that it is a group of people among whom each has an unconditional place. o You belong there, and the members of the family accept o responsibility for you. Of course, this only works well if o the responsibility is mutual. To recognize someone as a o member of your family is to take responsibility for that o person "for better, for worse." Of course, the term unconditiona.l is a bit of an exago geration. Sometimes obedience to a parent (most como monly the father) is in fact a condition of being in a • family, and children who refuse that obedience are o disowned. Still, family remains a strong term. A great o deal of mutual resentment, animosity, and failure in o fulfilling responsibilities can be contained within a family : without ending the mutual commitments and shared be- o longing that give it its distinctive character. We might say o that, whereas in most groups membership is a privilege to o be merited, in a family it is a right that is forfeited only in extreme circumstances. The scope and membership of families have varied : greatly among cultures. In our culture the primary image o of the family has been mother, father, an.d children (though, in truth, this image is reality for only a minority o of American households). The parents of the mother and o father, and the children of the children, are also included to a considerable degree in most images of the family. Frequently, if parents cannot care for their children, the o grandparents take over, and, less certainly, if children cannot care for their parents, grandchildren assume direct responsibility. A lesser degree of responsibility is felt for siblings, aunts, and uncles. The norm remains, however, that beyond the nuclear unit each person or group should be financially independent of the others and should so arrange matters as never to become a "burden." In recent years, only within the nuclear family living under one roof has there been the fullness of mutual responsibility and guarantee of belonging that makes for family in the deepest sense. This matter of living together was important for the family in biblical times as well. The Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament commonly speak of the family as the "house" or "household," most often as the house or household of the father of the family. These terms point to the family as a functioning or working group. The Hebrew Scriptures tell of the passage of Hebrew society through several different types of family life. At the time of the patriarchs-Abraham, Isaac, and Jacobthe life of wandering shepherds was favorable to a pattern of small family groups closely linked by kinship, but often enlarged by associated workers or slaves. As the society moved to agricultural life, family groups became important in the division of the land (Joshua 17:1-6). The emphasis on the connections among Hebrew families through descent from a common ancestor served to link family groups and to mark the Hebrews off from others. Despite the teaching that one ought to marry within the group o (especially strong after the return from exile [Ezra 10:1-44]), there was extensive intermarrying between Hebrews and other neighboring peoples, and the book of Ruth recognizes that good could come from this. The family group centered on the father, but the mother also was a person of power and influence (Sarah in Genesis 21:10), though this influence sometimes had to be exercised surreptitiously (Rebekah in Genesis 27:11-17). In addition, the mother was a person to whom respect was due (Exodus 20:12; Proverbs 1:8). The nuclear family of spouses and children blended into the extended family of more distant kin and others living in the household, often including concubines and their children. Later, even more than in patriarchal times, these associated persons-servants, slaves, immigrants-were fully included within the life of work and community of the family. The family was a basic focus of religious life and religious formation (Deuteronomy 4:9-10). It was also the place of most forms of education through most of the biblical period; the distinction we make today between religious education and other education would have seemed inconceivable to early biblical families. Eventually, the synagogue took over some of the teaching functions, but the family remained a primary center for them. Moreover, loyalty to family life was felt by many Jews to be a mark that set them off from many non-Jews. The early Church inherited from Judaism the strong emphasis on loyalty to the family. Early Christianity was one of the places in the world of its time where women found more recognition, power, and freedom (Paul accepted this though with some reservation); the presence of women entrepreneurs in the Church was simply a mark of the times (e.g., 4-'dia, a seller of "purple" [i.e., cloth], Acts 16:14). Paul's discussion of marriage (I Corinthians 7) makes a strong effort to affirm equality of the sexes in marriage, though he does not quite fully carry this out. The family was also one of the principal foci for the expansion of the faith (Acts 10, where the family of Cornelius is included with him in baptism). Families were linked together by their ties to the Church, both the local community and the wider Church. Hence, the stress on hospitality (I Peter 4:9). However, early Christianity also knew of families that were divided in faith (I Corinthians 7:12-16). In another generation or two, most Christians had returned to the more patriarchal patterns of the surrounding culture. The power of family ties is presupposed by Jesus' contrast between these ties and the call that he was issuing: "Who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me" (Matthew 10:37); "They left the boat and their father, and followed him" (Matthew 4:22). The power of family love also is reflected in the many references in the Bible to God as parent (usually, but not always, as father) and in the image of the Church as "the family of God" (I Peter 4:17). Open Hands 4 Clearly, no existing form of family is sanctioned once and for all by the Bible. Indeed, while Jesus and Paul took the households of their day for granted, the focus of their message was to deny any final status to those institutions. The coming of the Realm of God replaced the family as the primary source of meaning and belonging. It would be absurd to derive from the New Testament any argument for the Christian necessity either of the family as it was constituted then, or of some other form of the family-unless one were to refer to the Church as the family of God. So how should Christians think of family today? One possibility is to deny the need for families as they have traditionally been defined. People who wanted to live as such families could still do so, but their decision would be recognized as just one choice among others. To avoid loneliness or for economic reasons, people might enter into conditional contracts with one another rather than binding commitments. They could agree to accept certain mutual responsibilities conditional on both persons meeting certain expectations of the other. Many hwnan relationships these days, including many that are called marriages, are of this sort. To further develop in this way is to accent individual freedom. Theological ideas stemming from Jesus and Paul give some support to that direction. Nevertheless, such an approach is quite one-sided. For Jesus and Paul, breaking off the primacy of familial ties was related to the expectation of the imminent coming of the Realm of God. For Paul, it was also connected with the emergence of the Church as the primary community of belonging and mutual responsibility. If the Church, or enough churches, become that community again, the need for other families would certainly be reduced. Meanwhile, the Church has been wise through the centuries in promoting the family as important for most people and for a healthy society. Usually these families have been extended ones that have given some place to people of all ages and conditions. Perhaps some day these larger families will reappear. On the whole, they seemed to provide healthier environments than the nuclear family does today. The pattern of relationships within the larger families allowed for greater richness and did not put so great a stress on very limited relations. The extended family also allowed for greater diversity among its members. In recent times, however, the economic order has broken up extended families and exerted pressure even against nuclear ones. In that context, the Church acts wisely whenever it supports whatever forms of family can be maintained. Unfortunately, the Church's legalistic attitudes toward sex too often have inhibited its support for the mutual commitments that are the essence of family. This has certainly been the case, for example, with samesex images of family. Instead of celebrating commitments between same-sex couples, the Church has generally rejected them. It has, in effect, affirmed that homosexually Fall 1989 oriented persons should be condemned to loneliness and isolation, since it has seen no place for them in the nuclear family. That, in spite of this rejection, such persons have constituted true communities of belonging and mutual responsibility shows a capacity for commitment often not matched by heterosexual couples. It is the fullness of belonging and the depth of mutual commitment that constitute family. Through most of history, families have been large, spanning several generations and including less closely related persons. These large families, however, have been patriarchal. In the future, if social and economic conditions allow for the renewal of larger groupings, these groupings might be freed from patriarchal dominance and make space for same-sex, as well as heterosexual, pairings in the midst of other relationships. Unfortunately, for now, that probably is not practicable. The family has become much smaller, often simply a couple. Still, when two people commit themselves to one another-whether two women, two men, or a woman and a man-the conditions for being a family are met. It is past time for the Church to recognize that all these pairings are true families. ... William A. Beardslee is emeritus professor of bible and religion at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. He now lives in Claremont, California. John B. Cobb, Jr., ~ Ingraham professor of theology at the School of Theology at Claremont in Claremont, California. 5 . Making Connections: Intentional Family by Cindy Darcy Episcopal feminist theologian Carter Heyward has said: "Don't be duped by folks who talk about 'God' all the time. It's more critical to make the connections among ourselves. And a hell of a lot more honest." Carter Heyward sums up for me what it's all about: making connections among ourselves. For me, it is in and through these connections that I find God among and with us. Well-made connections, when nurtured by some of the ingredients I offer from my own experiences, can provide us with intentional family. What I mean by "intentional" or "chosen" family is that commtmity of loved ones we choose to call into our lives, and into whose lives we choose to walk, with what comes to be a deliberate and named purpose of connecting and deepening. To these chosen ones, we bring our staying power. Intentional family differs in my mind from "biological," "blood," or "natural" family that we did not choose. Both, hopefully, are gifts: the one, of grace, purely; the other, we have a hand in bringing about. With intentional family, as I think of it, there is that element of choice. Either family we may choose to leave; intentional family we ourselves help call into being. With my birth, my parents began a family, which was to include two siblings. When I was 12, my father died, and from then on, no one could assume that I came from a "typical" "nuclear" family with two parents. I constantly bumped up against the awful question, asked by parents of friends I went home to play with: "So, what does your father do?" I learned how it feels to have people assume families are structured a set way, like theirs, to feel the assumption that we all "do family" the same way. That situation for my growing up years provided me with a unique understanding of what "family" meant, since my family was "different." So I have felt relatively at home in an age when traditional family structures have been changing and society is grasping for new terms and names for what to call how we live our lives. My own venture into intentional family began shortly after graduation from college, when I decided to undertake a denominational voluntary service assignment. For three years, I lived with between two and four other service workers in intentional commtmity. It was the intention of our community that we would share the chores of the house, fellowship together, do recreation together, share a witness in the neighborhood, encourage each other in our social justice work assignments. And you might think that people immediately or recently out of college, coming to Washington, D.C., to work with and on behalf of the oppressed and the poor, would have a lot in common. You might even think that the basics of living in community would be obvious and easy to agree on for those who chose to enter that lifestyle for a period of time, knowing what they were walking into. Yet even to this work and lifestyle, we brought a vast array of ideas about spirituality, relationships, values, community, etc. We were deliberate, alright; we ate meals together, had book discussions, played together. But we weren't really community, in my mind. At the very core, while we had chosen to be doing similar kinds of service, and living in the city necessitated pooling our resources financially, we didn't choose each other. We were deliberate because we made ourselves be. We didn't really like each other, and we certainly weren't a "natural fit." Even with all the right ingredients there, you can't make commtmity or family happen; sometimes it just doesn't take. So, in the face of my disappointments about building an " intentional family" in my community of choice, I turned elsewhere. I knew others who also sought something deeper: several in my voluntary service program, a couple of friends from church, and a friend in the wider peace-and-justice-folks circle. We shared similar underlying commitments and values; a sense of comfort and playfulness in each other's company; mutual needs for fellowship and processing of our experiences, whether living in the city, confronting unjust social structures, or living in a group house. We took our spiritual journeys seriously, as we sought out the Light of others on that path, and all had in common a willingness to do the work to build and maintain relationships that would help us grow, that would nurture and challenge us. With those ingredients and a marvelous gift of grace to recognize their presence among us, this group of seven formed what we came to call, for lack of any other name, "Small Group." While the majority of us participated regularly in a church and had an important faith family or community there, we all were keenly aware that the "struggle, struggle, push, pull" of life in the city, working on behalf of those without power, took its toll on us, and we needed more spiritual nurture than just on Sunday morning. A few of us were in the process of leaving the established church over feminist and other issues and were struggling to find spiritual expression that felt right. As different as our spiritual journeys may have been from each other, faith was a deeply important ingredient in this intentional family. All seven of us also had other community-colleagues at work, especially, but other friends as well-with whom we shared our lives. But each of us hungered for others who could share a commitment to and a consistency with us that would give us the safety to risk being known, before whom we could openly and honestly live our lives, and with whom we could let down our guard. We wanted to set about creating "safe space." For the next two years, Small Group met faithfully on Sunday nights. We did "talk about 'God' " sometimes, but even more, we made connections. Sometimes the evening was structured as we discussed a book we chose to read together or as we batted around ideas on a particular topic. We took turns doing our historical/chronological biographies, as well as sharing about our spiritual journeys. Sometimes a need in the group arose, and we focused on that. Other times we shared a meal and played together, or attended an event that one of us was in. We Open Hands 6 always ended our evening in a prayer circle and closed that time of worship with a group backrub. Small Group helped process two relationships which were to become marriages of four of us in the group. The first couple to marry asked the rest of Small Group to be the family present at parts in their actual wedding ceremony. The remaining three of us came out as lesbians to that chosen family-giving several a very difficult topic to wrestle with-and tw'O of us were helped through the pain of breaking up. Several of us received healing from family struggles in our past. Some of us shared our coming into joy as aunts when our siblings had little ones. Several of us made career changes under the care and support of the group. We spent holidays together, when we chose not to go "home" to our biological families. A couple of us learned to be more open and articulate about ow' needs, and a couple of us learned not to push others in their sharing. We met in pairs, as well as a group of seven, striving to deepen our relationships not only as a group, but as pairs and smaller groups within the whole, and respecting the uniqueness of each one's relationships. One of us eventually moved away, to another city, and the rest of us saw her through the move and learned to create family-by-extension, being faithful in our commitment over the miles. We made each other dinner; jump-started each other's cars; visited each other after surgery; fetched each other from the airport after work trips; brought silly presents when someone was sick; sang carols at Christmastime; gave input on speeches, articles, and grant applications; met each other's families; dropped by for iced tea on the "vay home from work; followed each other through a hairy week with check-in phone calls; celebrated birthdays and new jobs; and helped each other find and move into new homes. Small Group was intentional family. We worked at our connections; we took our relationships with each other seriously; we were real with each other-honest, open, vulnerable, caring, playful. For most of us, our families were miles, sometimes literally a continent away from Washington; in some cases, a relationship with a family member was strained or in transition. Because we were all seeking to serve God and God's people through the work we set our hands and hearts to, we had a need for a place to come home to, for a few to be really present to us, those with whom we could share our experiences and receive encouragement and perspective, where we could be listened to and accepted. In the case of the three of us in the group who are lesbian, there was an especially strong need to build this "intentional family." We were not sure our natural families would still accept us when they learned The News. In addition to the real or imagined reaction we feared of family, friends, colleagues, society to us, we were also struggling with learning how gay men and lesbians "do relationships." Our unique experience with this chosen family provided some of the freedom to create other or new definitions for relationships. The two men in the group both came from conservative families with prescribed male-female conduct. They were given an environment where they could struggle to create a relationship with their partners that expressed who both people were, not merely be a rerun of the traditional "mold" they were taught. In addition, we created a place where they could enjoy intimate, affectionate relationships with other women who were essentially "sisters." With Small Group, there was risk, play, prayer, listening, sharing, being present, struggling together. We were intentional family not by chance but because we made it happen. "Intentional" derives from the word "intensity," which has to do with quality or degree of energy, and relates to "intent" or purpose, aim, what we set our will to. Clearly, we brought each other our energy and were purposeful about creating and building that support community. We also had the sense to recognize and name "family" when we saw it, in the way I think Jesus meant when He said something like "Whoever shall do the will of the Holy One, who is in heaven, that one is my brother and sister and mother" (Matthew 12:50), After two years, as one of us felt she needed to spend more time elsewhere, Small Group had a harder and harder time pulling together. Our schedules had changed, and it was difficult to find a night when everyone could meet. The two couples were now married and seeking out other married couples. The three lesbians in the group were seeking out other lesbians and gay men, especially as the nongays struggled to varying degrees with who we were. We had become a sort of two families within the bigger family, and that was OK for a while. But then Small Group was, in effect, laid down as intentional family and disbanded in the sense of meeting regularly and with such deliberateness. We still kept in touch, but to varying, less intentional degrees. Now it has been almost two years since we disbanded Small Group. Yet we still find our way together: we celebrated one of us going off to graduate school, we shared Thanksgiving together, and we were all present at the holy union of one of us to her partner. We called each other into our lives and lived very deliberately and very intentionally. Those bonds formed have changed somewhat, but they will never be completely forgotten or broken. Those connections made, as Carter Heyward would say, will always be critical. T Cindy Darcy has been on the staff of a Quaker public policy organization in Washington, D. c., working as a lobbyist on legislative issues affecting American Indians and Alaska Natives since 1982. Her intentional family now lives in Virginia, Minnesota, and Oregon, as well as Washington, D. C. Fall 1989 7 . Findlng Many gay men and lesbians are separated from biological families by miles and/or circumstances. As a result, they strive to "create" a supportive community or "family" out of their network of friends. This author shares his ~tory of ~vercoming the obstacles of simultaneously being m a forelgn country and culture, coming out as a gay man, and developing a "family." · I t ~as Se.ptem~er 15, ~986, when I arrived at O'Hare AIrport m ChIcago wIth my two suitcases full of belongings accumulated during my student years in ~ngland. I knew that moment that a new phase of my hfe had begun. I was flooded with mixed feelings of anxiety and excitement. I had adapted to the British way of life from my Indian background. Now America seemed like a totally different world to me. I arrived alone. I had come to study and to live. I settled in and began my new life in the United States. New ~riends from all over the world surrounded me. My attentIOn was focused on my career objectives and : academic performance. However, I still felt as I had right through my years in England and my adolescence in India. There was a vacuum within me, a feeling of not being fulfilled and of being very alone. I knew I was different all along. I had suffered a lot in the past because I had tried to express myself, yet I knew • that I couldn't change. I knew I was gay from the day I learned what the word meant. However, due to a completely disapproving environment in India, where homosexuality is not even considered an issue to be discuss~d, I had come to look upon my sexuality as being somethmg abnormal and unnatural as a naive teenager. I tried to express these feelings to some friends and my parents in my early teens, but I was faced with severe disapproval and chose to hide my feelings. I was still at this stage when I arrived in Chicago. I tried to bury myself in my work and academic pursuits. This was not possible for long because the more I tried to suppress my feelings, the stronger they became. I found myself desperately in love with a gorgeous Belgian business student. His charm, grace, perfect facial features, bright eyes, and smile captivated me. I felt I could never express my feelings to him except indirectly. I was perfectly aware that I could never have him, yet there was still a flicker of hope which kept me going. I got to a point where I couldn't bear this anymore. I had been through such longings before and did not want to go through them again. Intense feelings of hurt and pain and the yearning for some love and affection were deep inside me. I wanted a relationship where I could give someone all I was without wanting to ask for or even to expect anything in return. I knew there must be an easier way but couldn't get myself to search for it. It happened one evening; I finally decided to go to one of the meetings of the gay group on campus. · It was a dark Tuesday evening in spring, when I • walked alone, nervous and with feelings of guilt and fear to the Quaker House on campus where the group met. I • did not have the courage to go inside. I looked in from · 8 the dark street and saw six male students talking. This was the Coming Out Group, but I wondered if I was in the wrong place. I knew the meeting was to be followed by a social hour, so I waited outside till the meeting was over and they went into another room. The men in this room informed me the social hour had been canceled. I began talking to a man named Bobby, who walked me home and took my number. He called me, and we met again the next day. I was surprised and very confused when he asked if he could kiss me. I was very hesitant and did not know how to react. I felt extremely nervous but decided to put these feelings aside and see how it felt. This was my first real gay experience, apart from boyish encounters during my early teens. I felt wonderful. Many years had passed since I had been this intimate with anyone. For a few hours, I remained in a kind of trance-it suddenly felt as though life was great and the world around me was beautiful. This did not last for long, however, as I soon found out in a rather unpleasant manner t~~t Bobby had a lover and was just "curious about me. I felt devastated for a few days and couldn't talk to anyone about it. Finally I decided, on Bobby's advice, to see a counselor at the Student Mental Health Clinic. The name itself scared me. I was assigned to Dr. Brown, whom I saw for four months. He was a gentle and understanding man and explained to me that I was going through something very natural. He encouraged me to meet other gay people and make friends. He told me that I had to start living my life and enjoying it and that I couldn't continue to live against my nature. This made sense, and I chose to take the big step. There were a lot Open Hands MyUby • • of obstacles on the way. I felt the guilt: "What would my parents think?" "Am I doing the right thing?" and "Is this why I came to America?" These questions haunted me all the time. I was lonely, miserable, and disappointed. I went to the weekly meetings on campus, which were boring and not well attended. Sometimes I didn't speak to anyone. Other times I had to learn to cope with unwanted attention. I reported my progress or lack of it to Dr. Brown every week and was encouraged to persevere and keep going back to the meetings. It seemed bleak and hopeless, but Dr. Brown told me that I had to sift through the forest and find what I liked, discarding the rest. Slowly I began to see some results. I began to talk to more people. Life became more fun and I began to feel more relaxed. I met a student from ilorida whose situation was much like mine. He was new to all of this and had the same apprehensions and worries as I did. We shared a lot of our experiences and decided to help each other. By the time summer arrived, we even ventured to go to the nightclubs dancing. I felt as though I was reentering my teenage years. Everything was new and exciting. It was my turn to be young and enjoy it. I had one of the most enjoyable summers of my life. In August 1987 I arrived in Ins Angeles to continue my studies. A friend of mine in Chicago arranged for me to meet a friend of his who is a United Methodist minister in the Ins Angeles area. Once again I arrived in a new city anxious but excited to see what the future held for me. I was given a most wonderful introduction to Ins Angeles and to the gay spots there. It was so reassuring to have a father-like figure who was so warm and affec- Fall 1989 tionate, I couldn't believe that I had just met him a few hours ago. For the first time I had the feeling that I was becoming an independent person. I was meeting people on my own, not through my parents or relatives. I could share my entire personality with them and felt comfortable, accepted, and liked. Moreover, I was doing exactly what I wanted to without any hesitation and without worrying about what people would say or think. I certainly felt liberated. It felt great to have a guardian like my new friend, who is such a giving person. He gave me a feeling of support and security. I knew he was someone I could rely on-he became a member of my family and I his. I settled into UCLA, moving into an apartment near the university. The manager was a very affable and warm person. On the second day of our meeting, he took me to lunch and told me he was gay. I cannot explain in words the amazement and relief I felt when I heard this. Of course, I immediately, though hesitatingly, told him about myself. We developed a beautiful friendship. Not a day passed without us meeting at least once. I now had a grandfather in Ins Angeles who enjoyed spoiling me and was a wonderful companion to me. I wanted to make friends within my own age group, too. This took a long time, and I was lonely. I met another Indian who is bisexual. We shared our experiences and thoughts, and it was very reassuring to meet someone from my own country who could relate to my sexuality. More than anything else we had a lot of fun going out dancing, bar hopping, and to parties. This initial period was a difficult time for me. In the meantime I was also introduced to an Indian gay group in Ins Angeles. I went to some of their meetings. I became friendly with one man who realized that I needed help and support and that I hadn't found my feet yet in the gay "forest." We became very good friends and kept in touch on a daily basis. He helped me deal with a lot of emotional difficulties and became like a brother. Through him I made another friend who has also become a brother to me. We have spent some wonderful times together and share almost all our feelings and emotions. We are planning to become roommates soon. I have also made a lot of other friends-my family keeps growing. My mother recently visited me and met my new friends and felt perfectly comfortable with them. I came out to her and received a very positive and understanding response. I still have to find a real "love," but Dr. Brown was right-it is only after sifting through the forest and keeping what you like and discarding the rest that you can find yourself a nice field in which you feel comfortable and happy. I am aware a new family in the United States is now a significant part of my life. T The author is Indian. He has been educated in India, has completed his secondary schooling and college in the United Kingdom, and is now completing graduate school in Los Angeles. Due to immigration restrictions, he chooses to remain anonymous. 9 I It's OK to Go to Bed with Pizza on Your Face by Millie Jesson and Susan Pavlik t was a1l Susan's idea. When we first got together, she talked a lot about children. She had always wanted children. Millie, on the other hand, responded with "Do we really have to talk about that now?" In her mind, "straight" women have kids; lesbians don't. As a committed lesbian couple, we children is rekindled through having our own child-it's seeing the world through new eyes. We didn't used to think about jumping over cracks in the sidewalk because it was fun to jump over cracks in the sidewalk. Through Eric, we've discovered the joy older people seemed to be able to han-• dIe other lesbian/gay couples who didn't have children living with them. I t was easier to pretend those couples were just best friends or sharing an apartment. It was harder for them to do that with us. There we were each week-the three of us. In the last year : and a half, they've come a long way were forging a life together, making a and now see us as a family. Our home, and being family for one church community supports and another. Family for us means people accepts us. that you can be yourself with, that We also experience some discrimina-• love you, that care for you, that nurfrom the lesbian/gay community. ture and support you. It's people who Because Susan is a mother who wants • are going to be there for you when the to stay home with her child and Millie : going gets tough and people who is employed outside the home, we are expect you to be there for them. Famseen as playing "straight roles" of ily to us means loving unconditionally, mother and father. We are "blemishno matter what. ing" the look of the gay/lesbian comAs we knit together our family, we talked about having children. We decided that it might happen in the future, when we were financially secure. Artificial insemination was a possibility, but it seemed very involved. The idea of children was on hold. THEN AWNG CAME ERIC When Millie began training in an AIDS chaplaincy program, she discovered a dire need for foster parents. After learning more, we agreed to give it a try. When Eric came into our lives, we were suddenly parents. Little did we know or suspect what changes were in store for us. One major change was in the quality of our relationship with each other. Until Eric joined us (and for a while a second child, Chuck, as well), we were in that deep, madly-in-Iove-with-eachother phase. Children as part of our family forced us to improve communication. It was essential that we talk about what was really going on, plan for the future, and make decisions together. Our relationship has grown deeper, stronger, and richer because of this. We're comfortable in our love for each other. We've never been happier. By far the most significant change in our lives, since Eric, is our shift in values and priorities. Making money, having the right car, and having the right friends used to be important to us. We look at life much differently now. The innocence that we ·had as in a bug or a flower, the simple pleasures of playing with dry rice in a pan, and the surprise of tasting each baking ingredient as it is added to the mixing bowl. We don't worry that he's got pizza all over his face when we put him to bed anymore. Vacuuming and dusting aren't important things in life-spending time with Eric is important. Loving, caring, and hugging are important. Our values are no longer as self-centered as they once were. Our quality of life has changed. It's incredible how kids can help you enjoy being alive, can make you grow more human if you let them. CHALLENGES WE FACE One of the biggest challenges we face is being accepted as a family. The misconception is that a child must have a mother and a father to be a "normal" family. Sometimes people ask about Eric's father, and we reply, "He has two mothers." The response can be a look of disgust, disbelief, or total noncomprehension. It took a long while for the staff at the hospital where we go to understand that Eric has two mothers. He doesn't have a father. His two mothers are equal in their responsibility, care, and love for him. They now realize that we are both to be respected as Eric's parents. Some people at our church also had a difficult time seeing us as a family. Our congregation is mostly made up of young lesbians and gay men and older non-gay/lesbian people. The munity. In addition, we're at odds with the ultra-feminist views where les-: bians are expected to be professionals, then come home and work on the car. It's somehow second class to want to stay home and be a mom. Our way of • doing things works for us and for Eric, and that's what counts. OUR HOPES AND DREAMS Our hopes and dreams for the future are really not that different from any other family's. We have now joint-• ly adopted Eric, so we are both his legal parents. We want a healthy, hap-: py, secure future for our child. We plan to enjoy each day to its fullest. We also hope, through parenting Eric, to be able to change the world a • little. In many families children don't count. They are neglected and not treated with dignity and respect. We want Eric to grow up knowing he is loved, he is important, and his opinions matter. We are committed to being family the best way we know how so he has a head start at feeling like the valuable, special, and unique child : of God that he is .... Millie Jesson, Susan Pavlik, and Eric • are a truly interracial family: one black, one Hispanic, and one white. Millie is a computer technical analyst. • Susan is a mother. And Eric is wonderful! They live in Hayward, California, and are a part of Lakeshore Avenue Baptist Church. Open Hands: 10 AFATHERS TESTIMONY by Oliver Powell W hen our daughter told us she is a lesbian, we were astonished and realized that we had much to learn about homosexuality. Our immediate response was to assure her of our uninterrupted, continuing love for her as a person. This expression of unconditional love has been the basis for our relationship ever since. Run-of-the-mill misunderstandings and disagreements take place from time to time, as in all families, but something fundamental holds and supports us. For me, the whole business was another experience of grace, an incursion of the Beyond into my life, bringing new insights and understanding. It was grace moving in on me from a new and wholly unexpected source-from an area of human experience with which I was unfamiliar and inexperienced. Surely, God often uses strange and startling means of intervention into our lives! Several aspects of my life were changed through this experience of grace. First, I came to have a sturdier understanding and richer appreciation of the qualities of courage, integrity, and patience of the human spirit at its truest and best. Courage-There it was, raw and beautiful in my daughter's simple and courageous disclosure of the truth about herself in the face of one of the darkest, most insidious prejudices infecting human society: homophobia, the fear, the terror in some instances, of homosexuality itself. She took the risk, endangering her prospects for employment in her chosen profession (ironically, the Christian ministry) because she profoundly believes that unless she and other lesbians and gay men publicly identify themselves and lay claim to the same dignity of personhood which others profess, the whole subject of homosexuality will remain indefinitely in the dark closet of ignorance and mindless suspicion. Integrity-My daughter is a whole person, a full, Godloved, God-endowed human being. no special explanations required. If any are stated, they are a problem not for her, but for those who feel the need to qualify her life. Such an understanding of integrity simply demands that she live her life openly and without fear. Patience-Those who have openly affirmed their homosexuality feel frustration and anger like Joan of Arc crying at the end of George Bernard Shaw's play, "How long, 0 Lord, how long?" Yet they know with brutal • realism how much patience is required if the cause they · embody is to prevail, if hard and stubborn hearts are to • be changed. Surely, of all people they share the open secret of New Testament faith: "We know that trouble produces endurance, endurance brings God's approval, and God's approval creates hope." (Romans 5:3) I have also learned, from my daughter and her friends, that suffering doggedly endured has a cleansing, fortifying power that makes one's priorities clearer and more secure. My second changed understanding is that, through the experiences I've had, I have seen statistics tum into • people. Lesbians and gay men are no longer merely a • percentage of the population. They are warm, talented, • delightful human beings, sharing many of my interests • Fall 1989 "L . I . .. ove lS not ove Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: 0, no! it is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests and is never shaken. " -William Shakespeare and concerns, committed to the same issues and causes. How much richer my life is because of the new friends I have made! Third, I am saddened by the position towards gay men and lesbians taken by many of my fellow members of the Church, pigeon-holing them as sinners in dire need of repentance, or counseling them to seek professional help in order to change their sexual orientation as though that were a practical possibility. How great is the need for programs of education on the subject of homosexuality as one expression of human sexuality. Without it, mindless, unexamined fear will continue to determine attitudes toward lesbians and gay men, children of God, equally precious as the rest of us, in the sight of God! My outrage over my daughter being forced to make her way against the odds of a hostile society has resulted in a commitment to action. My wife Eleonore and I have become active in the local chapter of the National Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), and we are joining with others in the formation of a new organization within the United Church of Christ, "UCC Parents of Lesbians/Gays." In both of these groups, parents of gay and lesbian children have agreed to make themselves available to provide confidential support for other parents. I believe there is no substitute for personal presence. So, I make myself available for speaking and sharing leadership at church conferences, at "rap sessions," in college classes, in retreat settings. My story is simply my experience being the parent of a lesbian and what I have learned about homosexuality because of this grace-full opportunity in my life. I have appropriated some of my daughter's painfully won wisdom-that endurance brings God's approval, and God's approval creates hope. And, truly, it is by an indomitable hope that we all live! .. This article in similar form first appeared in Waves the newsletter of the United ChUIch of Christ lesbian/gay group. Oliver Powell is a retired United Church of Christ minister living in Pilgrim Place retirement community in Claremont, California. He served churches in Illinois and Massachusetts. He is the author of Household of Power and Carrying My Chalice. 11 The letter is dated October 13, 1981. Richard, the 24-year-old man who wrote it, gambled a lifetime of trust-in the love of his parents, in the community of faith, in the stories of Jesus. Nearly eight years later, he is still assessing his gains and losses, still counting the cost. Dear Mom and Dad: 'b t to begin this letter, I don't know re8:11y hO~re;Sou begin to read it, but simply to. begln. '~~ant to find a comfortabl~ however, I thlnk you h share in reading. I wlsh place where you bot canto hold you and to be that I could ~e there:l;oo, d the comforts of time held, but I thlnk you. nee derstand what I am and distance for awhlle to un about to write ... Richard's father, Willard, was a military man, straight arrow and all that. At age 20, he married Alice and carried her from port to port during a 20-year enlisted career in the U.S. Coast Guard. Two children, Verna and Richard, completed the family. Willard worked hard. He paid his taxes. He supported his wife and kids. Dear Richard: Please don't expect this letter to be as melodramatic as yours. First I would say this thing has been as great a shock as you could have given us, and I have a feeling that will give you some kind of pleasure knowing it. I guess I'm not too surprised. As I remember it, you hardly ever considered our feelings in any of your endeavors... Born in Tampa in 1957, Richard was Willard and Alice's second child. He watched and listened and believed. He went to school and did his homework and said his prayers at night. He saw magic in a fall of snow. ewriter to think As I struggle here before the t~~, I am left at last ainless way to say h e known of an easy, ~ th the truth that I aV h t I have with the plaln tru ~ anything, the truth t a lied sinc~ I!a~:s~:elY, that I haVet~Z~~~:t~~t finally rubnO~o and denied for 24 Yde~his truth: that I, by a , d d embrace , I have face an f providence, am gay. whatever mystery 0 Dear Richard, I want to write to let you know that I read Psalm 27. I can see how you feel that you wanted me to read it. Let me tell you that your Mother nor your Father have forsaken you; neither are they your enemies. They probably have poured out more love for you over the years than on anyone else. Now in return they are asking that you seek aid from a psychiatrist to get rid of a regressive neurosis. It is against all our moral principles and we are only sorry that you put on such an act for us that you fooled us completely. You talk of honesty and I had always taught you to be honest-I did but you weren't. If you had been, we'dhave worked through a psychiatrist when you were younger. .. Richard grew up on the move. Japan, Michigan, Hawaii, Michigan again, New Jersey, and finally, Florida. More than half a dozen schools, new friends every two or three years. Adventure. And two unfailing anchors: home and family, and the United Methodist Church. Moving to college in Tallahassee and later to work in Statesboro, Georgia, only meant longer and less frequent trips home to 1597 Old Colonial Way and St. Paul's United Methodist Church in Melbourne, Florida. I know I think be. A hU~dre .' how difficult thes minds, but if d Ideas n:ust be reeli e Words must Your love for ~oeu can ~lX in Your he~~;hro~gh Your I. wish I could ' I belIeve you'll be abl an Image of gUlshed years' rec?unt for You the 1 e to bear it. thing, the cru In WhlC~ I struggled o~g and. andesires, the a el a!ld bItter Words th agaln~t thIS desperatel I ghOnles of prayer H' e unbIdden and how Y ave wished to b 0':'1 often and This h completely impossibl e .lIke other. men ha as not been an eels that Wish ma~~~~n a Wonderful on!~r ~elf-discovery but it this unse:~e from a fearful Pri:nyou see, like a ster waiting ~~rseemed to stalk' !hl~~e before of Christ see . evour, I have now i I e a monmysterious gi~ It fo~ What it truly is': t~e full light received '" WIsely to be used' s range and ... , gratefully 12 Open Hands ----- Willard and Alice were proud of their children. While others in their family and circle of friends had struggled with difficult teenagers, their kids had always been models of achievement and responsibility. Verna was married to Ed and had a baby on the way. Richard was about to enter seminary to become a Christian minister. For Alice, who alone among her siblings had been denied a college education and who· had quit work to keep house and raise her children, their success seemed especially sweet; they had done what she could not. But when the letter from Richard arrived, it was Willard, not Alice, who responded by telephone: Either quit work., come home, and see a psychiatrist, he said; or (I) withdraw from the ministerial candidacy without explanation, (2) change your name, (3) never call, write, or visit again, and (4) never have any contact with other family members ever again-or be "hunted down and killed like the animal, the scum that you are." Reverend Crossman came by and told us you called him and told him the whole sordid story, once again disregarding our feelings. Your mother and I have the book [Is the Homosexual My Neighbor?] that you have apparently embraced as releasing you from your "prison." Well, I can understand how some people could be taken in by this, but I used to think you were smarter than that. To begin with, the two ladies who wrote it don't have the credentials for doing a thing like that. It's apparent that they set out to write a nice little story to let some seriously regressive neurotic folks accept their neurosis as normal, and thereby feel like they are okay. Not to mention their profit motive. This book is full of flimsy theory, convoluted logic and misinterpreted scripture passages... Richard had last come home for Labor Day. It had not been a good visit. He had played go-between for Willard and Alice in a bitter quarrel. Alice had been in tears, Willard icy and threatening divorce. By Monday morning, Richard was exhausted and ready to return to Georgia. The time had not been right, he thought, to talk about his own problems. That could wait. For now, it was enough that the fabric of family was still intact. He would be coming home again. Forget eu h·veryt Ing you th· k and the "gay World" It . In ~ou know about a World is just the w~rld' SImply IS not true. The ga ys ~~rvehWith equal grac~ ~~rl:e ehve!ywhere a;dy urc es, communities N v~ t err homes, understand that I h . ow think of me and now h ave not chan d' ' m w at I have been all m . ge ,I am preCisely emory: The only differen y hf~, from earliest and accept myself as I real~e '" IS that now I see you. y am. I ask no m ore of came to you 24 years t~e mercy of Your love ago naked, innocent at Slon .of this new birth iSo now again at the o~ca~~~ St~l~ ~ith greater'lov~o~:nt~:~ubl~ving you if n erstand and accept... r e ore, trusting Willard had experienced more of the world than he thought necessary. He had been rakish in the early years of his marriage to Alice, had spent months at a time at sea, and had only gradually settled into the comforts of home and family. At age 35, he joined the church, became a Mason, and never looked back. I don't know if you have thought of the full import of what your decision will mean if you stick to it, but I pray you will give it some very serious thought, as I refuse to relent on my initial pronouncements, and have sadly resigned myself to accept whatever consequences result.... I don't like the way I feel now and don't like to see your mother crying and hurting. We both long to have things the way they were before we received your letter, but it just won't ever be if you choose to continue this way. All of us live under great pressure to try and be normal and fit into society. To me, that is what Christian discipline is.... I believe the requirement for being normal is to do normal, socially accepted things and repress our baser instincts.... If you really want to be right, you simply have to do what is right. If you really wish to be like other men, as you stated, you simply do like other men. That's the way we all have to do it. Like everything else, it's learned, and learning takes effort and practice, and I think most of us are still in the process and struggling hard. ... If we do not hear from you soon, we will assume you have chosen not to try, and will begin to adjust our lives accordingly. I have shared this news with Vema and Ed already and with several other people, incl~ding my pastors. They h~ve be~n ~ithout exceptIo~ understanding, canng, affIrmIng, and supportIve. I have worked through with them many of the questions you will have. I am fortuna~e beyon~ words to have been blessed with the fanuly and fnends ~ have. As you begin to sort through all the emot~on, I want you to know that I am here,. at your servIce to love listen and understand. UntIl we see one anothe'r agai~ and I can give you a big hug (Thanksgiving?), I am with love always, ktdlAAJ-, Nearly eight years have passed since that October, and Thanksgiving has yet to come. Willard and Alice, still married, have joined a Charismatic church. They spend holidays with Verna, Ed, and their four children. The naive believer, now 32, Richard has become skeptical of faith, wary of devotion. He believes good people make good Christians. And he still sees magic in a fall of snow. ~ Richard Swanson is administrator of the Atlanta Gay Center in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a member of Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in that city. He will be moving this fall to take a new job in Milwaukee. Fall 1989 I 13 · Same-Sex Marriage: It's Nothing New · by Dick Burdon For 1,500 years, the institutional Church has officially blessed lesbian and gay relationships. So reports Dr. John Boswell, an assistant professor of o history at Yale University. Boswell is currently preparing a o book (tentatively titled What God Has Joined Together: o Same-Sex Unions in the Christian Tradition) in which he o will detail his discoveries in old Greek liturgical manuals o that reveal a centuries-old Christian tradition of samegender marriage. Boswell offered a preview of his book in a lecture spono sored by Integrity (the lesbian/gay Episcopalian caucus) o during the 1988 General Convention of the Episcopal o Church.* He recounted details of his search for what was o an electrifying discovery of documents setting forth clear o evidence that same-sex weddings are a part of Christian tradition. They were well established by the sixth century o and continued in relatively common use for several ceno turies thereafter. Because of overwhelming antisocial o pressure from outside the Church, the practice of same- o sex marriages eventually fell out of use, but, says Boswell, o the service is still performed in isolated areas. And it has never been removed from the Vatican's volumes of officially sanctioned rituals. In an earlier book, the critically acclaimed Christianity, • Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality, Boswell detailed • how homosexual ubiquity seems to have been assumed • and accepted as far as the Church was concerned until • about 1200 A.D. High-ranking clergy were Gay, as were persons of political and artistic importance, and these people held equal status in Church and society. However, • society was changing, as barbaric influences of 'morally o restrictive' rural agricultural societies from northern and • central Europe moved into conflict and amalgamation • with the more liberal, urban-minded Greek and Roman societies. The result was the loss of urban social perspectives and the collapse of the Roman Empire. As the o Roman state declined, so did the Roman Church. In his lecture, Boswell explained that by the 13th ceno tury, "what the Church joined together in holy union" • (gay men and lesbians), the civil authorities burned at the • stake. "Social intolerance came crashing down." Then, in a kind of decoupage manner, Church tradition, civil law, Greek mythology, "conventional wisdom," and barbaric "moral standards" melded and were codified. The Church • became separated from its Gospel foundations, forgot its • history, stood aloof and undefending of its traditions, and o ignored social concerns in an attempt to preserve political power and social status. The liturgies uncovered by Boswell should force today's Church to acknowledge a long-standing tradition that ap• pears to have been based on eschatological expectations of • the imminent return of Christ. Christians in the early • Church saw love as expressed in relationships as a means • of salvation. They emphasized spiritual preparedness and focus. Heterosexual marriages in the early Church essentially followed Roman civil custom. They emphasized the • importance of procreation and provided for paternal • delineation of property. By contrast, the gay marriage was • not an adaptation of the heterosexual marriage contract but was a Christian creation from its very beginning. It emphasized love and devotion of the couple to God as a means of salvation. Gay marriage was always sacramental and conducted in the Church; heterosexual marriages were not conducted in the Church or pronounced sacramental until 1215 A.D. Boswell's findings make clear a crucial conclusion: As gay men and lesbians increasingly seek public and legal recognition of their relationships, their demands must be considered legitimate on the basis both of Scripture and of Church tradition. But the importance of Boswell's research does not end there. His discoveries provide important insights into the breadth of the spectrum of family relationships throughout Church history. They show that the early Church saw and nurtured gay and lesbian relationships as wholesome and natural-and that the Church based this understanding on its interpretation of Scripture.... *Boswel\'s lecture is available in a videotape entitled 1500 Years of the Church Blessing Lesbian and Gay Relationships: It's Nothing New. The tape can be purchased from Integrity Inc., P.O. Box 19561, Washington, DC 20036, for $29.95. Dick Burdon is a graduate of Wesley Theological Seminary, Washington, D.C. and a clergy member of the Oregon-Idaho Conference of the UMC on honorable location. Prior to leaving the active ministry, he served as a United Methodist missionary to Brazil and Zaire, as well as pastor of various local congregations in his conference. Open Hands 16 AFTER THE SHOCK · by Jane E. Vennard W e had been married seven years when my husband John told me he was in love with Gordon. This announcement turned our world up• side down, for neither of us had an inkling of John's • homosexuality. "How could that be?" people ask. "How • could he NCYf know?" "How could you not have • suspected? " John grew up in a small midwestern town in a family • that did not talk openly about feelings. From an early • age, he knew that he was different, but he could never • name the difference. Handsome, artistic, well liked, John • hid his sense of difference from the world and from • himself. I grew up in a similar situation, and, although I fan• cied myself sophisticated and experienced, I was naive • about relationships and sexuality. When I met John in • the summer of 1963, he was just what I was looking for. · I was 23, teaching school, and ready to get married. Just • out of the Navy, John was establishing himself as a : graphic designer. We fell in love. Our families approved. I • received his family's diamond to mark our engagement. • In December 1965, we married. Our marriage was a partnership, with both of us work• ing and both of us taking responsibility at home. To our • friends and families, we had the "perfect" marriage. But : under the image was a growing tension, particularly in • the area of sexuality. We did not talk about it, for we had • no experience of intimate dialogue. I decided that, since • we were both orgasmic, I should be satisfied and learn to • accept the infrequency of our sexual activity. Into this setting came John's announcement. Gordon : was a friend of his from work; he had told John early in • their friendship that he was gay. In knowing Gordon, • John began to name the difference he had buried so long • before. In the freedom that came with the naming, he fell • in love. John and 1 had no idea what was happening, what to • do, or how to be. Because he loved me, John was sure he • was bisexual. But he was so confused and ashamed that • he asked me to tell no one what we were experiencing. I • willingly agreed, for I was as confused as he was and • believed that somehow I was to blame for his homo• sexuality. Gordon was not prepared for the complications of lov• ing a married man, and he withdrew from John's life. • This left John with the dilemma of discovering if his love • for Gordon was unique or if he was truly homosexual. To • gain understanding, John began going out with other • men. As he gradually came out of his closet, I went more : deeply in. Alone in my half of the closet, I was hurt, angry, · ashamed, and afraid. Cut off from family and friends, • with nowhere to turn and totally ignorant about homosex• uality, I began to feel as if I were going crazy. I began • drinking too much, experimented with drugs, and suffered • severe anxiety attacks in some areas of the city. My physi• cian sent me to a psychiatrist, but she was unable to help • me cope. She seemed convinced that what I was going • through had something to do with my relationship to my • father. • Fall 1989 What is it that shifts a life from the downward plunge? What is the source of strength and courage that allows a broken life to be healed? Looking back, I can only say that it was the Spirit alive and moving that would not let me die. For somehow I found the strength to act on my own behalf. I did three things. First, I told my therapist I would not be back. Deep inside me I knew she was not helping. Second, I broke silence and told my sister all that was happening. Her love and support sustained me. Third, I found a lover who let me know in his own passionate and tender way that there was nothing wrong with me as a woman. I could not have come to this understanding by myself. With my returning strength and John's awareness that he always had been gay, we had to decide what to do. Because we still loved each other, we decided to see if we could stay married. We each had lovers. We went out a lot together. I became welcome among his gay friends. But soon it became clear to me that we no longer had a marriage. We were not a couple except in name. I also knew that I had my own inner work to do and that I could not do it without my own space. John did not want me to leave. I did not want to go. But in May, a year and a half after John told me about Gordon, I left. I am not sorry. Since my departure, John and I have grown-individually and together. Our families have been stretched to include the realities of our lives. My sister and John's brother have not wavered in their support of us. My mother, after the shock and the hurt settled, proclaimed John to always be her son-in-law and has maintain~d an ongoing relationship with him. John's parents were slower to accept and somehow in their pain turned away from me. They requested the return of the engagement diamond and broke all contact with me and my family. I was deeply hurt. John and I kept contact, but also distance, the first years after I left. Over the years the embers of our love, which had never died, slowly rekindled into a deep friendship. We began seeing more of each other, met each other's lovers, became running partners, and stood by together as a mutual friend died of AIDS. It has been 18 years since John's announcement. He now has been with his partner Eric for 9 years. Jim and I were married 2 years ago. On the rare occasions when the four of us are together, we look at each other with amazement. And we laugh. What twists and turns have brought us to this place at this time. As different as we are, and as unexpected as it seems, we must admit that in • our own unique way-we are a family. T Jane E. Vennard is ordained in the United Church of Christ to a special ministry of teaching and spiritual direction. She is chair of the National Task Force on Spouses formed by the Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. She is an active member in the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. 17 : "Sustaining The Spirit ~ Part of the Family For Judy Wagner and Tim Words and music by Chorus Jim Manley Am o J J I rJ. I J J J r I r Come in, come in and sit down; You are a ,. J G j J I ,J. I J. r part of the fam 'Iy. We are lost and G )f Am J J 8J j J I J. P444JJ ~ r rJ we are found, and we are a pal1 of the fam -'Iy. G Am 3. There's I. You know the rea son why you came, 2, Chil-dren and el ders, mid -dlers and teens life to be shared in the bread and the wine; 07 G '. ", .. ...- Yet no rea son can ex plain; So Sin -gles and dou bles and in be tweens, We are the bran ches, Christ is the vine . Am ' r~n:-~~~~~E share In the laugh -ter and cry in the pain for Strong eigh -ty five -ers and street -wise six -teens This is God's tern -pie it's not yours or mine, But G are a part of the fam 'Iy. are a part of the fam 'Iy. we are a part of the Am fam 'Iy. There's r J .j j I J .j j I tJ; j I J-J ad God is with us in this place Greet-ers and shop pers, long -time and new, rest for the wea -ry and health for us all, There's a 07 G r+ J J J I J; JJI JJ J I J.J Like a Moth er's warm em brace. No -bo -dy here has a claim on a pew. And yoke that is ea sy and a bur den that's small. So j j j I J .j j I .J; J I J. .J We're all for -giv en by God's grace. For 'ti Am wheth-er we're ma-ny or on ly a few: come in and wor-ship and an -swer the call For 07 G ~# J J J I J J J J. j. II we are a part of the fam 'ly. We are a part of the fam 'ly. we are a part of the fam 'Iy. Copyright © 1984 by James K. Manley All Rights Reserved [ASCAP] Open Hands· 18 Strength for the Journey by E. Marie Wright-Self Persons diagnosed with AIDS live in a special, particular world. In addition to their illness, they often experience the fear, confusion, and rejection of their families, friends, employers, even their church. They thereby discover that they have become members of a new "family": one they didn't choose, one that is comprised of society's outcasts. Jesus ministered to the outcasts of his day-the lepers-touching them and loving them, making them fee] accepted and part of His family. Jesus said, "Whoever does the will of God is my brother, and sister, and mother" (in other words, my family). (Mark 3:35) A group of people in the California-Pacific Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church took Jesus' words seriously and dreamed about sponsoring retreats for persons affected by AIDS. What better opportunity than a retreat to bring people close and provide strength for the journey? Two "Strength for the Journey" retreats were held during the summer of 1988. A number of AIDS-diagnosed individuals volunteered their time to help create a retreat that would address the issues they felt were important. Included were times for worship, discussion, hiking, swimming, workshops on journaling, stress-reduction techniques, massage, and crafts. Designed. and .included by .God were wondrous thunderstorms with hghtnmg and coolmg rain, tarantulas, inspiration to express deep feelings in poetry, and, for some, the gift of spiritual healing. Most of the people arriving for the retreats did not know each other. Initial hesitancy ("Will they like me?" "Will people shun me here, too, because .of .the ~aposi's sarcoma lesions?") soon gave way to begmnmg fnendships. Tasks shared contributed to individuals feeling involved and needed. Through individual conversations and larger group discussions, people began to realize they had valuable and valued insights and information. By the second night's campfire a family feeling was in the air: encouragement for the hesitant to speak, applause for those "just right" words, tears as some struggled to exp~ess their feelings. There was a sense of wonder that, 10 such a few hours, we'd come to know and value each other so much. "Family" happens when a group of people, related by blood or circumstance, meet together for support, encouragement, challenge, and celebration. A forI?er nurse from New York met his cabin host, a former 011 com pany executive. Later the host was remembered, "He was so kind to all of us in the cabin. He made us feel welcome and taken care of. We felt like we were his family. He made sure we were comfortable every night-kind of like tucking us in. I'll never forget him." "Family" happens when a group of people meet together and affirm the gift of life and God's spirit alive in each day. A woman shared, "I've always wanted to have control. When I used to be in control of my life, I wasn't • as happy as I am now. Now that AIDS is in control, I • Fall 1989 v v ( 7 ~; L f'" .., V (' vol ; ..J '(' r-<. \ v < .l ') ~ ,) "" .J ~ ..., > < A L-t"" .J -, : <'.> i »,...." L ~1: ...l ., ~ : : :.> ~ '>J< : 1,.....) t""", : ,,~ < ",:"~I\<"r\<. ~__ ., ,) v., '{" &.. :.v:\~>~(~V~~..... just live. d each ?ay, I thank ~,odf" that I am ~till alive." A man shared a Journal entry, Guess what I ve seen? I've seen squirrels, tarantulas, bats, flies, and ants. I've seen love, honor, and respect. I've seen Kaposi's sarcoma, neurological disturbances, and illness, Rlus a lot more. But most importantly, I've seen me! !! Another person said, " I think I notice things differently from people who are healthy and think they ~now their future. This spring, the colors were more beautiful than ever before. Certain pieces of music really move me. I treasure each moment." "Family" happens when a group of people meet together and are united by the common history of that meeting. Joseph and Phillip, two participants in the retreat, kept in touch after it ended, usually by telephone. As they became more disabled, they relied on a mutual friend from the retreat to carry messages back and forth. They were concerned about each other and were t~ing to bolster each others' spirits. One day, Joseph sent thIS message, "Tell Phillip that whoever dies first has to promise to keep a cloud warm for the other." The night be.fore Phillip died, the friend reminded him of Joseph's message. Phillip smiled and promised he would remember. The next day, when told of Phillip's response and his death, Joseph smiled and said, "It's good to know I'll have two friends there-Phillip and God! ! " The retreat time was a powerful experience, and its uniting, "family" spirit has continued for many of the participants. They keep in touch via letters and telephone calls. Some are able to meet regularly for movies, lunches, and other events. They visit each other in the hospital and at home. Phillip, Joseph, and two other people have died since the retreats. Members of their retreat families attended their funeral and memorial services. A horrendous calamity gathered people together for a retreat. Christ's message provided the guidance, sharing time together provided the bonding, and all who participated became family and received "Strength for the Journey." .... E. Marie Wright-Self is vice-chair of the CaliforniaPacific Annual Conference AIDS Ministries Task Force and a staff member of the AIDS Chaplaincy Program of the San Diego Ecumenical Conference. She is a member of Rolando UMC in San Diego. 19 Rep Report New Reconciling Congregation Welcome to Hemenway UMC in Evanston, Illinois, our 41st Reconciling Congregation. Hemenway is a multicultural, multiracial congregation, just north of Chicago. Its characteristics are like those of an inner-city parish, even though it is located in a suburban community. Now 115 years old, Hemenway committed itself to being an inclusive community about 15 years ago. Worship is offered in both Chinese and English languages. Several races and nationalities are represented in the congregation. Hemenway maintains a strong program of community service. A soup kitchen there serves 100 to 150 persons each week. Free food is distributed twice a month. A recreation program for youth is also offered. Christ the Redeemer Metropolitan Community Church worships in Hemenway's building and also has its office there. This past September Hemenway graciously hosted the national gathering of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Hemenway is the seventh Reconciling Congregation in the Northern Illinois Conference of the UMC. Annual Conferences Discuss RCP Several UMC annual conferences considered matters related to the Reconciling Congregation Program (RCP) at their sessions this past summer. The Wyoming annual conference (northeastern Pennsylvania and southern New York) reaffirmed its 1988 decision to become a Reconciling Conference. The Eastern Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Oregon-Idaho, and Wisconsin conferences approved plans to study becoming Reconciling Conferences. Southern New England approved a resolution encouraging local churches to study becoming Reconciling Congregations. Pacific Northwest and West Ohio are among several other conferences where special efforts to witness to the RCP happened during the conference session. These events and ongoing activities related to the RCP are continued signs of the movement of God's Spirit in our midst. Advisory Committee Finalizes Convocation Plans The national RCP Advisory Committee met in Chicago in late August to finalize plans for the national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in February 1990. The official convocation brochure outlining plans for the convocation was mailed to all Open Hands subscribers in October. In other business, the Advisory Committee discussed the program's future relationship with Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, its parent organization. A nominating committee was appointed to fill positions on the Advisory Committee at its next meeting in February. The committee also heard a report about the UMC Study Task Force on Homosexuality and received information on the new Transforming Congregation Program, which is modeled after the RCP except that its seeks to change a person's sexual orientation. Committee members also shared news of the continued growth of the Reconciling Congregation movement around the country. In September, the convocation worship planning team announced the convocation preachers. Rev. Ignacio Castuera, pastor of Hollywood First UMC (Hollywood, California); Rev. James Conn, pastor of The Church in Ocean Park (Santa Monica, California); and Rev. Janie Spahr, director of The Ministry of Light (Marin Country, California), will be the preachers for the three convocation worship services. Across the Denominational Spectrum News crossing the Open Hands desk attests to the health and growth of our ecumenical movement. *Lutherans Concerned welcomed their 51st Reconciled in Christ (RIC) congregation this past summer. Anticipating the program's continued growth, Rose Smith, RIC coordinator states that "locating the first 50 was the hardest! " *The More Light Program (Presbyterian) held its largest national conference to date last spring. About 115 participants from around the country gathered in Palo Alto, California, for a time of listening, nurturing, and celebrating. The More Light Program has also just released a new videotape, More Light Churches: Obedience, Ministry, Justice. The video looks at issues faced by gay and lesbian Presbyterians and portrays the response of two More Light churches to these concerns. This 27minute videotape is available for purchase ($23) or rent ($8). Order from Dick Hasbany, 365 Perkins, #305, Oakland, CA 94610. *The United Church of Christ Office for Church in Society recently gave a A Presbyterian Promise "We will work to increase the acceptance and participation in the church of all persons regardless of racial-ethnic origins, sex, class, age, disability, marital status or sexual orientation" -195th General Assembly (1983), Atlanta, Georgia If this is your promise, too, we invite you tojoin Presbyterians for Lesbian & Gay Concerns Write to Elder James D. Anderson PLGC, P.O. Box 38 New Brunswick, NJ 08903-0038 201/846-1510 Open Hands 22 $5,000 grant to the VCC Open and Affirming Program for producing three regional conferences. These conferences will provide the opportunity to introduce the Open and Affirming Program to more congregations and individuals around the country. *The General Assembly of the Vnitarian V niversalist Association overwhelmingly approved the Welcoming Congregation Program during its June meeting. (See report in Summer 1989 Open Hands.) *The Episcopal Diocese of Newark has established a new ministry, called "The Oasis," designed to make lesbians and gay men feel more welcome in the church. The director of The Oasis, Rev. Robert Williams, is an openly gay man who was ordained an Episcopal deacon by Bishop John Spong this past June. In the next issue, Open Hands will again run a combined list of all congregations (wtheran, Presbyterian, V nited Church of Christ, and United Methodist) who have officially welcomed lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. Reconciling Congregations ~1etropolitan-Duane UMC c/o Trudy Grove 201 W. 13th Street New York, NY 10011 Washington Square UMC c/o P.]. unpold-Trump 135 W. 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC c/o Beth Bentley 6th Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 First UMC clo Bill Bouton 66 Chestnut Street Oneonta, NY 13820 Calvary FVIC clo Chip Coffman Ill.) S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 OUlllbarton UMC clo Ann Thompson Cook ;~133 Dumbarton Avenue. NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC clo Chuck Kimble 4th and I Streets. SW Washington, DC 20024 St. John's LMC do Barbara Larcom 2705 St. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park·Aldersgate UMC c/o Sally Daniel 373 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC c/o Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Central UMC c/o Chuck Larkins 701 W. Central Toledo. OH 436lO Wesley UMC clo John Human 823 Union Avenue Sheboygan, WI 530Hl University UMC clo Steven Webster 1I27 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 Wesley UMC c/o Patchwork Committee lOl E. Grant Street Minneapolis, MN 55403 Walker Community UMC c/o Debra Keefer 3104 16th Avenue Minneapolis, MN ;).)4.07 University UlVIC c/o D ave Schm idt ()33 W. locust DeKalb, IL 6011 5 Wheadon UMC c/o Phyllis Tholin 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Hemenway UMC c/o Don Marshall 933 Chicago Avenue Evanston, IL 60202 Euclid UMC c/o Alan Tuckey 405 S. E uclid Avenue Oak Park. IL CJ0302 Albany Park UMC c/o Reconciling Committee 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago. IL 6062:'> United Church of Rogers Park clo Sally Baker/ Paul Chapman 1545 W. Morse Avenue Chicago, IL 60626 E-X-P-A-N-D AND FEMINISM How do they fit together? Forfifteen years, DAUGHTERS OF SARAH, the magazine for Christian feminists, has spoken to this question. Each bimonthly magazine examines lively, current issues for women and the church today. Some topics add ressed are: spi rituality, gender roles, biblical interpretation, divorce, and feminist understandings of sin and grace. Each 40-page issue provides a forum for the ecumenical voices of Christian .feminists. All share a commitment to the Scriptures' proclamation of equality, mutual power, and mutual servanthood between women and men. Your reconciling ministry. Become involved in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Affirmation is a national organization of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and their families, friends, and supporters who seek to be in ministry. Annual dues are $25.00 for individuals and $10.00 for students and those on subsistence incomes. For further information: National Affirmation P. O. Box 1021 Evanston, IL 60202 o Send me a trial subscription. Enclosed is $9.00 for a 6month (three issues) subscription. o I want to know more. Please send me a free brochure. Name Address Return to: Daughters of Sarah Dept. 1400 3801 N. Keeler Chicago, IL 60641 Fall 1989 23 Irving Park UMC Crescent Heights UMC Trinity UMC c/o David Foster c/o Walter Schlosser c/o Elli Norris 3801 N. Keeler Avenue 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue 2362 Bancroft Way Chicago. IL 60641 W. Hollywood, CA 90046 Berkeley, CA 94704 Kairos UMC The Church in Ocean Park Albany UMC c/o Jay McCarty c/o Judy Abdo clo Jim Scurlock 207 E. 67th 235 Hill Street 980 Stann age Kansas City, MO 64113 Santa Monica. CA 904()5 Albany, CA 94706 St. Mark's UMC Wesley UMC Sunnyhills UMC c/o David Schwarz c/o Della Campbell c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 1130 N. Rampart Street 1343 E. Barstow Avenue 335 Dixon Road New Orleans. LA 70116 Fresno. CA 93710 Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC Hamilton UMC St. Paurs UMC clo Jeanne Knepper c/o Judy Kreige c/o Darrell Wilson 1615 Ogden Street 1;)25 Waller Street 101 West Street Denver. CO H021H San Francisco. CA 94109 Vacaville, CA 95688 St. Francis in the Foothills UMC Bethany UMC Wallingford UMC c/o Lucy Johnson c/o Rick Grube c/o Margarita Will 4625 E. River Road 1268 Sanchez Street 2115 N. 42nd Street Tucson. AZ H57lH San Francisco, CA 94114 Seattle, WA 98103 United University Church Trinity UMC Capitol Hill UMC c/o Edgar Welty c/o Arron Auger c/o Mary Dougherty Hl'i W. 34th Street 152 Church StreN 128 E. 16th Street ws Angeles. CA 90007 San Francisco, CA 94114 Seattle, WA 98112 Wilshirt" UMC Calvary UMC Rt'('oncilinl{ Confc'n'n('c's c/o Bob Ficklin c/o Jerry Brown California-Nevada 4350 Wilshire Blvd. 1400 Judah Street New York ws Angeles, CA 90010 San Francisco. CA 94122 Northern Illinois Troy Wyoming The Second National Convocation of Reconciling C g egations February 16-18, 1990 Fort Mason Conference Center San Francisco You can be a part of this unique gathering of representatives of Reconciling Congregations and other Christians interested in reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men. • BIBLE STUDY will ground our • SPECIAL YOUTH SESSIONS will reconciling movement in the Bib-allow junior high and senior high lical witness led by Rev. Joan participants the opportunity to Martin and Rev. Arthur meet youth from other Reconcil-Brandenburg. ing Congregations and to explore • WORSHIP will celebrate and nur-San Francisco. ture our spirit journey with REGISTRATION (includes all mealspreaching by Rev. Ignacio Casand convocation activities):tuera, Rev. James Conn, and $100 for ReconCiling CongregationRev. Janie Spahr. representative. • WORKSHOPS will build our skills $75 for each additional rep from a in reconciling ministries with lesReconciling Congregation. bians and gay men. $40 for youth representative. $150 for others. • SATURDAY NIGHT CELEBRATI will include the premiere perforFOR MORE INFORMATION, write or mance of Paschal Pains and Platcall: Reconciling Congregation itudes: A Flower Song, written Program, P.O. Box 23636, and directed by Julian Rush and Washington, D.C. 20026; performed by convocation 2021863-1586. participants. A path to greater understanding ... And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on the Church and Homosexuality This booklet's gentle, personto-person approach is a perfect starti ng place for congregations or individuals dealing with questions about homosexuality : ~ How do reople become homosexual'! ~ What does the Bible say alJOll1 homosexual it y'! ~ What's it like to be gay or les bian in the churc h t()day'~ "For all who feel the pain ofour times, this much-needed booklet identifies a path to greater love and understanding." -C. Dale White, bish()p. New York Area, UMC Written by Ann Thompson Cook, 1988 , :20 PI'. Published by the Dumbarton UMC Task Force on Reconciliation; distributed by the Reconciling Congregation PrograTll, $4,9S per copy $;~.OO for hulk orders (I () or Tllore) Please prepay your order with 15% postage and handl ing to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P. O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 5 No 2 - Images of Family https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/d5cc6048aab4eeec4f3bf34e9a521076.pdf d86d6bcfedbf9f09e9417e189805d0c5 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 5 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1989 Publication Date The date the issue was published Summer Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine . ? If· lS to yours. . . . zt lS, gzve me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men · · · · $5.00 Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Telephone: 202/863-1586 n Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 5 No.1 Summer 1989 My Business or Ours? ...........................................4 Greg Wise I Choose the Church ..... . ....................... ... ..... . .. . . .. 6 Anonymous Wrestling with Closet Doors The Prices I Pay .................................... . ......9 Reva Anderson Between Memory and Hope ............................ . .... 10 Anonymous The Joys of Being Out .................................. ... 12 Mary Gaddis Back Home to the Farm ............ ... .............. . .. . .. . 13 Russell Fridley Coming Out Straight ................................ .... ... 14 Caroline Presnell The Call and the Pain ............................... . ..... . 15 Anonymous Standing Witness (poem) ... . .... ... ..................... .. . .. ... 16 Patricia Broughton At What Cost? .............................................. ... 17 Jesse R. DeWitt AIDS: Invading the Closet .......................... .. ... . . .. . . . 19 Chris Hinnen Sustaining the Spirit ................................ ... . .......20 Prayer of Confession and Hope Joanne Brown Resources .....................................................21 RCP Report ................................... .. ........... .. . 22 I Choose the Church ..... .. ...6 At What Cost? .............. 17 2 Open Hands In, Out, or In Between: The Closet Dilemma A gay friend wears a T-shirt with a simple proclamation: "Closets are for clothes." He laughingly tells of wearing the shirt and having a woman ask him where he got it. ''I'd love to get one for my husband," she exclaimed. "He's always leaving his clothes all over the place." To many gay men and lesbians-and probably to many non gay people-that story would seem both comical and sad. They would know instantly that this friend's shirt is not about keeping a bedroom neat; they would see the shirt for what it is-a statement of pride in who he is as a gay man and of determination not to keep his identity "in" the closet. Unfortunately, as he learned, proclaiming that he is "out" of the closet is not as easy as he thought. The truth is, few issues related to the closet are easy. There are many types of closets, many degrees of being in or out of them, and many reasons for being in some closets and out of others. One thing that is fairly simple is the making of blanket statements in opposition to the closet ("I have a moral responsibility to be honest"; "If people don't like my being gay, it's their problem") or in defense of it ("My private life is no one else's business"; "My ministry is so important that it's worth being quiet about who I am"). Such statements are almost always legitimate and hard to argue with. They can also oversimplify a dilemma that, for many people, is not only difficult but deeply painful as well. For Christians, the difficulties of the closet can be particularly complex. It is in the church that we are taught both the "morality" of personal honesty and the necessity of serving God through our actions as well as our faith. And it is also in the church that we can feel forced to choose between these two ethics-being "honest" about our sexual orientation (or even about the orientation of someone we love) can mean denial of opportunities to serve God in ways to which we feel divinely called. In this issue of Open Hands, we try to go beyond oversimplifications to look at the human dimensions beneath decisions to be in or out of closets related to sexual orientation. We hear three clergypersons offer varying perspectives: why one felt compelled to leave his closet and find a new (non-church-related) avenue for his ministry; why another believes that being in the closet is not a denial of her personal integrity; how another deals with continuing pain and frustration in wrestling with his closetedness. But closetedness in the church does not involve only lesbian/gay clergy or other church employees. It can involve almost any person in some way, as is evidenced by the variety of other contributors to this issue: a lesbian businesswoman, an older gay man, a lesbian construction worker, a gay farmer, a heterosexual mother / antihomophobia activist, a colleague of a gay pastor who died of AIDS, and a retired bishop. Each of these personal stories is different. But they also have some common themes-the joy of self-acceptance, the need for others' caring, the pain when the closet makes that caring seem nonexistent, and the importance of God, the church, and people in affirming and helping each person wrestle with closeted ness and openness in their various guises ... Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Kristan Burkert Bradley Rymph Graphic Design Supon Design Group, Inc. Open H.1nds is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1989 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Summer 1989 3 MyBusinrm or Ours~ Gregory A. Wise , , W hat I do in the privacy of my own bedroom is my business. I don't look in anyone else's bedroom windows and I don't want anyone else looking in mine!" How often I have heard these words uttered by closeted gay and lesbian sisters and brothers as they defend their right to privacy and hiddenness. And, in principle, I agree with them. Sexual expression should be a very private matter -loving, tender, intimate moments shared by two persons. The public should not be invited to, nor be interested in, what takes place in the privacy of anyone's bedroom. But the key word here is "should" Unfortunately, too often the public is interested in what takes place in the privacy of one's bedroom, and, in specific cases, the public has been there as an uninvited guest. Without question, one's sexual expression should not be a public matter in~ofar as it relates to what takes place between consenting adults. Prejudice and discrimination should not exist because one is gay/lesbian any more than it should exist because one is female or male. Persons should be judged and accepted or rejected as individuals, not because of issues related to sexuality. In reality, however, these ideals are far from experience. Women continue to experience discrimination in a maledominated world. Lesbian/gay folk can find difficulty in employment, housing, health care, etc. (I am currently employed by a community center that could not find health insurance for its employees as long as it used its legal name, "The Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Baltimore," in its application.) Why these difficulties? Simply because of what persons do in the privacy of their own bedrooms. And while I wholeheartedly agree that sexual expression should be a private matter and "my" business, the society in which we live has not allowed it to be so. And this forces persons who are gay/lesbian to respond somewhere between two polar reactions-allow your sexual orientation to remain "your" business, keep it hidden to avoid prejudice and discrimination, and ignore such prejudice and discrimination when experienced by others, or be open and honest about who you are, be "out," and meet these evils face to face, defending not only yourself but also the rights of others. In my opinion, the Christian tradition that formulated my mores and shaped the ethics which guide my decision-making process leaves me no choice. And, while I respect the manner in which others choose to live their lives and would certainly never breech another's confidentiality, I have decided that, personally, I must be open in order to defend myself and others. I cannot hide. To do otherwise would be a denial of self, a denial of others, and ultimately a denial of God-all of which are for me ethically intolerable. Ethically, it is unacceptable for me to deny myself. As a child growing up, it was in my local E.U.B. (Evangelical United Brethren) church that the ideals and principles of openness, honesty, and integrity were first taught to me. Perhaps I was naive, but I sincerely believed (and continue to believe) that a person can possess these ideals. In the end, it was the ideals and principles instilled in me by the church that would cause me to leave its service-that to which I continue to be called. When a person is lesbian/gay and is a member of the clergy, to accept oneself as lesbian/gay places oneself into conflict with the institution of the church (at least the United Methodist Church). Even though judicatory leaders may be personally supportive, the tension with the institution (i.e., The United Methodist Book of Discipline) remains. And, if openness, honesty, and integrity are going to continue to be part of a clergy person's life, service in the church becomes incredibly difficult and stress producing. Oh, service remains possible. But to do so most assuredly causes one to deny oneself on occasion, if only through silence, thus nullifying the openness, honesty, and integrity one seeks. On Palm Sunday, I shared with the Mid-Atlantic Affirmation group the fact that as Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey, he had a decision to make. He did not have to choose the passion and crucifixion. Jesus had free will, as do all human beings. His life could have been very comfortable-full of luxury and prominence. Easily, Jesus could have been regally crowned. That was within his power. But to do so, he would have had to deny who he was. Jesus was not an "earthly" leader. His was a different calling-a calling to which he remained true. Open Hands 4 "Emotionally, what must be the choice?" Lesbian and gay women and men have received a different calling than that which is perceived as the norm. To accept that calling leads more often to suffering and sacrifice than to a life of luxury and ease. But, ethically, what must be the choice? Emotionally, what must be the choice? Psychologists have repeatedly stated that the most well-adjusted, content lesbian/gay folk are those who are "out." Happy (blessed) are those who are comfortable enough with themselves to put others at ease. I sometimes wonder how much of the prejudice and discrimination one perceives is merely a reflection of one's own dissatisfaction with and unacceptance of oneself. Admittedly, being open about one's homosexuality imposes sacrifice and suffering. But to avoid this is to deny oneself and in so doing deny one's calling. This was not Jesus' example. But apart from the troubles many may bring on themselves by remaining closeted, a more important ethical consideration is how remaining hidden affects others. I am absolutely convinced that if all those who engage in same-sex behaviors stood up and were counted, the negative emotional energy of the issue would be dramatically neutralized, for everyone would then know and love someone involved. After all, if Kinsey is correct, a very small percentage of the population is exclusively homosexual and a very small percentage exclusively heterosexual. The vast majority in the middle, then, have probably experienced a variety of sexual expressions. If only those who have nothing to lose-those already disenfranchised from society-have the courage to be "out," then role models are extremely limited for young people struggling with their own sexual identity. If I myself am hidden, I will probably laugh at the faggot and dyke jokes to avoid suspicion. If I am cowering in my closet, I will not be free to be a buddy for a PWA (person with AIDS), to demand civil rights for those abused because of sexual orientation, or to offer another the full extent of my love. If I have accepted myself as a gay person, then it is selfish for me not to be open about who I am. Again-it should not be this way. Sexuai orientation should be a private matter. But as long as discrimination and prejudice exist based solely on sexual orientation, then I cannot be quiet. I agree with the popular slogan Silence = Death, especially considering the current health crisis. Physical, emotional, and spiritual death-for myself and for others. Finally, and ultimately, I believe all people, including lesbian and gay folk, must be open about who we are because to be otherwise denies the very God who created us. Contrary to what Jerry Falwell may say, God did create Adam and Steve as well as Adam and Eve .. . and Joyce and Ingrid and Allan and Elaine. We are all a spark of wondrous creativity birthed by our ingenious Creator. All of us different yet universally akin. We are members of one family and called to live in committed fellowship. Each of us is part of God's great design, and to deny who we are created to be frustrates God's intent. "For, behold, the realm of God is within you" (Luke 17:21). The love, creativity, intelligence, ability, passion, commitment, and caring for which gay/lesbian folk are so well known is not to be kept hidden and unshared. God's plan calls for these wonders to be present in the midst of a world of pain and incarnated within lesbian/gay persons. To deny oneself becomes a denial of God and God's plan. Can we afford so to do? Sexual orientation should be a private matter. But society has not afforded gay/lesbian people that luxury. Ethically, I see a clear imperative that all people not deny themselves, others, or God. For this, there is a price, however. It costs comfort, luxury, acceptance. But as we pay what is actually not that great a price, we find ourselves embraced by one for whom this is already a familiar path. Jesus the Christ shares the struggle with us! ... Gregory A. Wise is co-director of the Chase-Brexton Clinic, one of two anonymous HIV counseling and test sites in Baltimore, and a clinic for persons who are HIV positive. He is an elder in the Baltimore Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church. Summer 1989 5 I'CHOOSE'THE'CHURCH Aunited Methodist deacon increasingly believed For many, the issue is not whether to stay in the that he needed to share his sexual identity closet but whether to stay in the church at all! But here honestly with his bishop. In the conversation, I stand: As for me, I choose the Church. the deacon spoke with enthusiasm about the claiming of I bear incredible pain for that decision. Have you ever his homosexuality as both a gift and a blessing in his sat in a room and listened to persons diminish who you call to ordained ministry. The bishop, after listening are by speaking in ugly stereotypes about "others," not carefully, and seeking to respond in a pastoral and sup-knowing they are talking about you? Have you ever been portive way, said, "But _ __, why do you have to talk present when vicious emotional outbursts "perpetrate all about it? Just don't admit it or let anyone know. Most manner of evil against you falsely," but you know you of all, don't tell me about it!" To which the deacon cannot defend either yourself or your gay and lesbian responded, "You mean, bishop, if I lie about who I am, friends? Have you ever sat through church debates lisI'm 'fit' for ministry, but if I tell the truth, then you tening to heated arguments that because of who you are will block my future?" "That's about it," replied the it is impossible for you to fulfill your calling to some bishop. The deacon, who was later denied his elder's form of ministry (even if you've given evidence of acorders, found another avenue for his Christian vocation. complishment)? Is there any other minority group Two lesbians were in animated conversation. One was (people of color, persons with handicapping conditions, a United Methodist elder, the other the wife of a minyouth in the midst of adult decision makers, etc.) who ister and married over 20 years. Said the wife, "If it ever have to endure tirades in their presence on why they comes down to my choosing the Church or my sexuality, should be excluded from church settings? I'll choose my sexuality every time!" To which the elder, At the United Methodist Clergywomen's Consultation with equal vehemence, responded, "Well, I wouldn't. I'd in 1987, voices of anonymous lesbian clergywomen choose the Church!" She continues to serve in the stunned the gathering by speaking of "the lies and United Methodist ministry. deception and soul destroying silence" required of them: Two clergy in the same denomination, both homosex"1 am so far back in the closet that no one can see ual persons, but each one choosing a different path: one me"; "The closet is silent, dark, and lonely"; "I must leaving the professional ministry, the other staying. Did live within a lie"; "I'm faced with leaving the ministry one choose "honesty" while the other chose "dishonesor dying inside." One woman spoke of "walking in the ty"? Is one "living a lie" while the other "maintains desert, trusting God in that wilderness, and embracing integrity"? Is one compromising herself while the other that exile." It is a painful experience to remain in the affirms himself by "coming out"? Or is there another church. way to look at the situation in which gay and lesbian I understand the internal struggle that requires many church employees and members find themselves? While lesbians and gay men to "come out," to be honest about denominational positions vary slightly, for the most part the core of their identity for the sake of wholeness and this matter is particularly intense for ordained persons in their emotional health. In many ways, I long for that, which both homosexual orientation and behavior is extoo. But I believe there is a way to live, closeted, for the pressly forbidden. sake of our love of the Church and our call to ministry (in whatever form that ministry takes). Difficult as it Open Hands 6 constantly is, I refuse to name the closeted life "a lie," and I believe I have kept my integrity. Perhaps it all comes down to what I understand "Church" to be. Perhaps I am sustained by a commitment to a "Church" that is larger than any by which a denomination defines itself. Perhaps I remember that in the history of the Church, there have been those who have been persecuted for their convictions and honored as faithful through the lens of history. Perhaps I understand that the call to discipleship may include suffering for our faith in Christ and walking with Him in it. Whatever the reasons are, I love the church and believe that it is always essentially more than what it appears to be. of faith and incarnate itse(f in the very midst of the people. 2 If Jesus were to come again. he might well come as a gay or lesbian person, knowing what it means to be "despised and rejected of men." And so, where are we to look for the Body of Christ? Perhaps it is amidst those communities of faith where lesbian/gay and heterosexual persons worship, work, play, and seek justice together: among Reconciling Congregations and similar congregations in various denominations; in traditional settings where Christians friends know one another for who they are, lesbian/gay and heterosexual together; in prayer and The Church as the Community of Disciples I have found ways to define "Church" that have been strongly influenced by the Christian "base communities" of Latin America. Rising out of oppressed but believing disciples, these communities proclaim and live the values of God's Dominion in the midst of people fighting for their liberation. They are, indeed, the Church-outside of ecclesiastical boundaries-finding their life in the world and witnessing to the love of God made known in Jesus Christ. (The "women-church" movement in this country is another developing form of this community of faithful ones.) I always remember that the biblical image of the banquet table, with all its diversity, is the eucharistic table to which Christ invites us and around which the whole Church gathers. But I remember especially that, because those who were invited to the table refused to attend, the invitation was then given to those out in the streets, to those who originally had been uninvited. "And the wedding hall was filled with guests." (Matt. 22:10) It is the uninvited who remind the Church that its identity is in Jesus Christ and that its ultimate point of reference is the Reign of God, where justice and life prevail. Jose Miguez Bonino, Methodist theologian from Argentina, in writing about the biblical message, says: It is not a "Church" but a humanity that God creates. It is in humanity that God's image is reflected. It is to humanity that God entrusts a mission. It is with humanity that God makes a covenant of commitment. [The New Testament} has to do with a' new "humanity"-not a temple. but a city. I He goes on, in speaking about those who are called out as the Christian community, to remind us that the Church is always subordinate to the Reign of God. The Church is there to Hdiscern" God's universal action. Jesus did not merely advocate for "the poor" (or the uninvited or the outcast or the homosexual person); Jesus became poor, [The Church} will not try to absorb the people into it. nor will it proclaim itself to be the "leader" of the people. Instead it will structure itself as a community study retreats where gay and lesbian clergy are out of the closet to their intimate heterosexual friends. This is where "Church" as the community of salvation is experienced most fully. And for those of us who do not experience such a "Church," can we live by its vision until the Reign of God comes in our midst? "The banquet table is ready. There are lots of seats. Y'all come now!" The Character of Heresy Heresy has always been a charged word. It usually means "false teaching." While United Methodists and other mainline Protestants seldom use the word today, I believe that our denominations' efforts to tighten restrictions against gay and lesbian clergy are fundame~~al!y intended to remove "heretics" from the Church. SImIlarly, I believe the harsh condemnation of fa.ithf~l homosexual Christians is the only way the denommatIOns know how to cope with radical dissent (in lifestyle, as well as in doctrine I. You see, we gay men and lesbians who choose to remain in the church do not accept the institution's authority for how we perceive our sexuality. For us, claiming our sexuality as "good" or offerin¥ thanksgiving for our life partners of the same sex, m spite of our fundamental identity being judged "in.compatible with Christian teaching" (the phrase u:e~ m the United Methodist Church), is a heretIcal convictIOn! Instead of allowing the institution to define the faith, we live with a faith that has not yet defined the institution. Our Roman Catholic sisters often say to us, "We haven't left the Church; the church has left us." So, I've been doing some study about the charaeter of heresy. The Greek word for "heresy" actually means "a minority opinion." One writer remarks, "Heresy arises from the struggle between majorities and minorities in the Church, in which victorious majorities classify de-' feated minorities as heretics."3 From the very beginning, there were so-called "heresies" within the church, and what made them so dangerous to those who held power was that they drew their strength from a good deal of truth. Conte~porary church historians, such as Elaine Pagels and Elizabeth Schussler Fiorenza, have focused Summer 1989 7 on these minority voices who were silenced by the patriarchal "keepers of the mysteries." Hans Kling points out that frequently what has been called "heresy" has actually been a major part of the Christian message, brought out in a new way, and that it "fulfilled the function of warning and admonishing the Church as a challenge to self-criticism, reform, and renewal according to the Gospel."1 In a variety of ways, then, those heterosexual and lesbian/gay persons who light a candle in their closets are fulfilling Kung's affirmations: How often heresies prepared the way for good new directions in the Church ... they guarantee the "genuineness" of the Church. The birth of a heresy can therefore be a moment of grace for the Church, provided it is overcome by the power of love. In this way, too, the one Body of Christ is finally built up. "5 We have often recognized (at least in theory) that our efforts at "inclusiveness" of persons of color or persons in poverty or those with handicapping conditions should not be because the church is being generous or benevolent, but because the life experiences of those persons can provide perceptions that are desperately needed by the church. Isn't it time to recognize that those who have struggled for years with who they are as a sexual minority in our culture have profound and illuminating gifts to offer the church on a subject-human sexuality-that the church has for too long been unable to fully comprehend? Perhaps such continuing "heresy" can be a moment of grace for the church. On the other hand, we need to look at where real heresy may lie. Karl Barth interpreted "heresy" as "the willful abstraction of one element from the whole of doctrine and the placing of it with equal weight beside the Christological center."h Future historians reviewing current activities within our various denominations may conclude that the real "heretics" were not at all those whom many thought them to be! I have always been overwhelmed with the love which gay and lesbian Christians who have left their closets but still love the Church show toward even their strongest opponents. In so doing, they model for the rest of us attitudes that can take shape in us and inspire us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. "See these Christians ... how they love one another!" The Invitation to Suffering In many ways, the 6Tfeat heretics were very much like the great saints. Those who do not submit to the authority of the church but remain hidden within it choose for themselves a way of suffering. "Neither group has ever been understood by lukewarm believers, shrewd ecclesiastical tacticians, or by the diplomats of the Church."7 Katarina of Siena once cried out: "Where were you, my God and Lord, when my heart was full of darkness?" And the answer came, "My child, didn't you feel it? I was in your heart." The early saints have no monopoly on suffering, for whenever we discover God's pain in our own pain we find community with God and understand it as participation in "the sufferings of Christ." Like the saints, we know what it means to endure the passion. I have been inspired by the Resistance movement during World War II. especially the writings of Christians who were condemned to die. In them qualities of selfconfidence, prophetic self-assurance, graceful dignity, and courageous serenity are empowering for me. The decisive certainty and unbelievable strength from pride in their own just cause and ongoing task kept them going. It is a particular strength that empowers the weak, and when it is infused by love, it is indestructible! Dorothee Soelle has written: Precisely those who in suffering experience the strength of the weak, who incorporate the suffering into their lives, for whom coming through free of suffering is no longer the highest goal, precisely they are there for others who, with no choice in the matter, are crucified in lives of senseless suffering. II I believe that those of us who choose to stay in the Church (instead of leaving it for "perfect freedom") have chosen "the way of suffering" and in that act have become more keenly united not only to Christ but also to those for whom Christ died. It is what enables us to com prehend the Gospel in the deepest places of our hearts, blesses us in the fulfillment of our ministries, and send us forth into the world with a daring and tender love. In my wrestling with the Psalms, I know in whom I have believed, for I pray with the Psalmist and with all manner of Christians everywhere, "Vindicate me, 0 Lord, for I have walked in my integrity" (Psa. 26:1)... Notes 1. Jose Miguez Bonino, "Fundamental Questions in Ecclesiology," in Sergio Torres and John Eagleson, eds., The Challenge of Basic Christian Communities (Maryknoll, N.Y.: Orbis Books, 1982), p. 146. 2. Ibid., p. 148. 3. Hans Kung, The Church-Maintained in Truth (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday / Image, 1976), p. 247. 4. Ibid. ;). Ibid., p. 255. 6. Van A. Harvey, A Handbook of Theological Terms (New York: MacMillan, 1964), p. lli. I. Kung, The Church, p. 248. 8. Dorothee Soelle, Suffering (LOndon: Darton, Longman and Todd, 1975), pp. 148-49. Open Hands 8 The Prices I Pay Reva Anderson I s a closet a place of retreat or privacy-or a deception in which people engage? Or is it both? I wonder sometimes. As one in a state of discovery, I'm trying to discern where I am in relation to various aspects. of the closet. Being Black and a lesbian in a white-male, heterosexual society is interesting-and much easier than being Black and a lesbian in the Black community. Why? Because ac-. ceptance by the Black community is more important to me. So, I guess I am closeted to the Black community. • When you grow up Black, poorfrom the bowels of society-and you survive, you feel a burden to represent the possibilities for others yet to come. You also desire to make proud those who believed in you and who assisted you along the way-it hurts to know they would be sorely disappointed and terribly ashamed to know you are a "bull-dyke." I remember when I was about 14 being told to stay away from a woman in the community who was organizing a girls softball team. My father also warned her to "stay away from my girl." I didn't understand why I couldn't be around this woman; I just wanted to learn to play softball. I never learned-to play softball or the real reason why I couldn't be around that woman. However, now I have a pretty good idea. She was thought to be a lesbian or, in the language of our community, a "buB-dyke." She must have suffered a lot of pain from being denied the opportunity to lighten her "burden" for representing an acceptable role model for young Black females. This pain I have attempted to avoid by remaining in the closetthough the door is open-in the Black community. What does this mean? I don't pretend to be heterosexual, but I don't attest to being a lesbian. Actually, I avoid real involvement with the Black community. Black folks have a tendency to get into "your business," and the only way I know to effectively keep them out is to not be close to them. I would like so much to serve as a role model to young Black females-I'm an entrepreneur, a first-generation college graduate with a Ph. D., but Summer 1989 9 • • • Between Memory and HopeM y name is irrelevant. I I'm also a lesbian. Worse yet, my partner is a white female. I fear the Black community would warn me, as my father did the "softball woman," to "stay away from their girls." Even though I consider the price to be pretty high for disclosing my homosexuality to the Black community, I don't consider it as high as the cost the church seeks to extract. Sure, I would like to have "my people" proud of me-I would like to share the benefits of my education, experiences and associations with young, aspiring, Black females-I would like to have parents and teachers point to me as someone to emulate, but as "what" or "whom"? To risk this "recognition," or to be denied it altogether, is a pretty high price to pay for "coming out," or is it? At an earlier point in my life, I might have thought so; but now I understand it only to be my ego, a small price compared to what the church asks of me-my soul. Like so many other lesbian and gay people in the church, at one point I thought I could assure my "salvation" by "purchasing" the church's acceptance through the closet. I was taught and I accepted "deny yourself" as the secret to coping with being "homosexual and a Christian." And to "deny yourself" meant to be closeted about who you were, how you felt, and what your needs were. Consider, we usually closet those things we want to preserve, or if you are like most of us, those things we don't want to deal with-like sexuality. Especially sexuality that is less understood-misunderstood to be "unnatural." So, should the "pot say to the potter, why have you made me thus?" Or, should we just "curse God and die"? The church tempts me to be in this sort of relationship with God rather than in one where I "cast my cares on God for God cares for me." The church's price for my being in the closet is to forfeit the grace Christ purchased for me on the cross. I'm not willing to pay that price. 'Y Reva Anderson is a member of CentraL UMC, a ReconciLing Congregation in ToLedo. Ohio. o am a lifelong United Methodist afflicted with a di- o sease that our society labels "age." o Growing older means many things to o many people. For some, it means o recurring illness or a sense of o vulnerability and brokenness. For o many, it means an overwhelming : sense of death. I am also a gay man in a fairly o conservative, medium-sized town o located near a major city. U nforo tunately, it has often seemed to me o that this second dimension of who I : am has only complicated my life and o thus my own aging process. My experiences with closetedness o have taught me much about privacy o and seclusion. My sexuality has re- o mained firmly in the realm of the passive, a sexuality not manifested in o the open or acted upon positively. I recall my first notion of attraction to the same sex while in that in- o famous American institution called o the Boy Scouts. My first sexual experience occurred at a young age and : was with a close friend of my family. o The individual was in his early twen• ties-a young adult who should have • known better than to take advantage · of a child. Simultaneously, I became cognizant of society's labeling process. Those who participated in such behavior were known to be "queers," "fairies," and "faggots," with "fairies" being the favorite terminology. To be labeled in such a way at that time meant complete ostracism-not just from society but from the meaning and potential of life. Public knowledge of one's gayness meant more than lost employment or family rejection, as horrible as that was. It meant, above all else, an unwelcome and forced isolation. There was no gay/lesbian community then, as there is today. (At least, if there was I could not find it.) And, despite the fact that many of us lived a common life, there was no viable, socially acceptable, and long-term way to share that commonality. The first time I patronized a socalled gay bar (then a rare and infant institution), I was told by the bartender that I did not belong there. This only compounded my sense of isolation-and for years to come. But eventually I became hopeful again, for I had heard of something new: a "bathhouse." I was told that this was a place where one Open Hands 10 "For me, the closet clearly had an ugly face" • Summer 1989 could be himself. In my naivete, I believed this to be true. I was even lucky enough to meet someone there-someone who was for me at that juncture a Messiah figure who would save me from my loneliness and thus give to me some degree of meaning and relationship. Imagine my surprise when this man, quite unknowingly, walked into my workplace with daughter in hand. He was married! This was particularly painful as he had told me of his singleness and his desire to make a life for us together. In fact, he had even lied about his name. The years that followed were among the most bitter I have known. My so-called friend and potential lover was not content with anonymity. Instead, his course of action was vengeance. He threatened to expose me to family and employers. The price I paid for his silence was quite literally to pay him off. Over the next 15 years, I paid this man close to $20,000. The payments started small. Sixty dollars would buy me a week of silence. As time progressed, however, the amounts increased until I was financing his family's luxuries-clothes, conveniences, vacations. I remember vividly and painfully realizing during one holiday season that my payments for silence were purchasing his family's entire Christmas. Eventually, this man moved away after having met another man.and abruptly leaving his wife and children to fend for themselves. Even then, however, my peace of mind was only partially restored. Indeed, my living memory of these years still exists in terms of present-day poverty. For me, the closet clearly had an ugly face. And yet it was the only face I knew. In its reflection, I found some degree of comfort and solace. So, for the next eight years, I renounced my identity as a gay man. For me, a pathetic irony was realizing that the very community I belonged to had in some sense made me one of its many casualties. N eedless to say, God seemed very far away. I had always been a member of the local United Methodist Church. Church was for me a source of freedom from all that afflicted my life. It was the only place that gave me hope. In the quietness of its sanctuary, there seemed to be for one brief moment each week light in the midst of my darkness. But such light remained vague and intangible until recently. At age 61, hope finally had a face in the person of a pastor whom I revealed myself to and with. He told me that I mattered. Only now, after all these years, have I come to realize my innate value as one of God's children. Only now have I begun to understand and experience the reality of this one named Christ. Late in life, I have finally come to see that my gayness is good and is one of God's gifts to me. None of this would have been possible if this one pastor had not introduced me to the presence of God, which up until now had remained unimaginable. For him and his ministry, I shall always be grateful. This is not to say that all has suddenly become happiness and perfection, sweetness and light. I still have countless issues that must be resolved. And I sometimes worry that I may not have enough time left to resolve them all. Nevertheless, much has changed an~ for the better. I finally am able to bear witness to the fact that one can be both gay and Christian and that both are good. As one commonly referred to as a senior citizen, I live much of life out of a sense of memory. But today and with joy, I also live out of hope .... 11 o The Joys of Being Out Mary Gaddis At work, on a construction site, 20 feet up in the air, on a 3' x 6' platform, Frank o asked why I had been arrested a o month earlier. I said I thought it was o because I am a lesbian. (I didn't o think about what I was saying. I tell people all the time I'm a lesbian.) o He lifted his arms and walked too ward me. Then he grabbed me-and o I realized he was hugging me and o crying, on a construction site where o "men are not supposed to cry." After • the hugging and crying, Frank thanked me for coming out. Ten o years earlier his college roommate o had come out to his family. They o kicked him out and told him to find o a new last name. He went back to o school, packed, not telling Frank o why, said good-bye and left. Frank o learned some years later his room- o mate was gay and afraid of Frank's • possibLe response. What I got by o coming out to Frank was the love o and caring his roommate never got. o Frank thanked me for coming out so o he could tell his roommate, through o me, how much he cared. I'm sad about the roommate and o his family and hope time and como munication have healed those o wounds. And I celebrate the relief, comfort, and joy Frank and I will o always share by my coming out. I started coming out about 13 years ago. It took me a while to figure out I was a lesbian, but, as soon as I did, I came out to most of the world-including husband, parents, sister (brother came later}, doctor, co-workers, church folk. I was so glad to have some understanding of who I really am. An emptyness in me was filled, and I wanted to share that joy. I wanted to let people know I felt whole and happy and full. We aJ] know horror stories about coming out, but, in · addition to "Frank" I want to share a few of the o joy-full stories that help make the risk worth it. After I came out, mv mom was afraid what effect that might have on her friends. We were part of the same local church, and most of mom's friends were church friends. One week a bunch of them were having lunch together. She said, "I need to tell all of you that Mary came out to me recently and I'm scared. I don't want to lose you as friends." Their response was, "We don't know what being a lesbian means, but we know we love you and we love Mary. So we'll learn about what being a lesbian means." They have been very supportive both of mom and of mo. When I decided to be in my first Gay Pride March, I was working as a laborer, the only female in a 25-person maintenance crew. Some of the guys asked what I was going to do for the weekend. So, I told them. They were horrified. They wouldn't let me do it-not on a dirty motorcycle like that. If I was going to ride with Dykes on Bikes, they were going to be proud of me. Four of us spent most of the rest of the day washing and polishing my bike. When I rode down Market Street two days later I was filled with pride. And I felt a special joy thinking about those three "straight" men watching the sixo'clock news "parade report" with their families. I 've been a steamfitter and worked in the local union for 10 years. I had never been to a company or union party, never felt quite comfortable. We were always encouraged to "bring your wife and family." This last Christmas I talked with Judy and filled out the reservation card for 2. When we arrived the room was filled with beautifully dressed straight couples. At least we half-way fit in-I in my tux, Judy in her black suit with bright purple shirt. We sat at a table with four other couples. Two of the men were people I was working with at the time, one of whom was on the crew I "ran." (At the time I was in the middle of my four months as "foremame.") "This is my wife, Michelle. Michelle, this is mv boss, Mary. and her-uh-partne;' Judy:' The food was good, the company interesting. the evening was good fun. Judy won a door prize, and the music was most danceable. There was pure delight in going to work Monday morning and having the crew say things like "It was great to meet Judy." "You look terrific in a tux." And "You two must dance a lot, you really looked good." There is real joy in knowing I care about these men and they care about me. A number of years ago the Commission on the Status and Role of Women (COSROW) of the California-Nevada Conference of the United Methodist Church wanted to put my name in nomination for chair of that group. I said I would only do that with the understanding that I was an out-ofthe-closet lesbian. I felt they needed to think about what that would mean for the commission and for themselves. The commission unanimously asked me to run. It was a real delight to have them affirm me in that way. Subsequently, the conference nominating committee had a tough discussion about my nomination. During that dialogue a couple of other people were motivated to come out. They said things like, "I need to tell you that these things you're saying about Mary are not what being gay or lesbian is about. I know because I'm a gay man." In the end I did serve as COSROW chair. I was glad that my being out had empowered others to come out and that in the whole process some learning and growing had taken place. When asked if there was something I could share about the joys of being out of the closet, my answer was, "What's the question?" To me it wasn't a matter of "if" I could find something to share, but "which" of the joys to choose to share. These stories are only but a few of the rewards that I have gained by sharing who I am.• Mary Gaddis is the founder of Women Empowering Women in northern California, where she aLso works as a pLumber and pipefitter. Open Hands 12 :. Back Home to the Farm o Russell Fridley o Most of the time this is a beautiful place to live. The wind blows much too hard and all too often. The days unintero rupted by nature's heavy breathing o are splendid to say the least. My life o began not far from here, just across o the river . . Grandfather came to this land with his father to settle and raise a family, horses, and grain. The o homestead still stands as a sort of o monument to the struggles of the o past and hope of the future. Dad o farmed the land passed on to him and more. He also bought a farm, where I live now. This is where my o family lived and I grew up. With a o house full of love, we all matured o and found our place in life, some- o times by accident or maybe by God's o will. When I was 23, Dad passed away. The responsibility of a busy farm be- o came mine, and I accepted willingly. o With two years of college behind me, o I became the operator and manager o of the place and did well, aside from being unmarried and lonely. The church choir was something I o became involved in. The church famOily as a whole was great support in o my situation. For a while, I dated a o young woman whom I met at church. But my interest faded quickly, as it had in the past so o many times. There just didn't seem o to be anyone of interest to me. The o drive from within never occurred. o Even with intimacy, the female o gender just didn't fulfill the need I felt for companionship. My best friend Dough couldn't o even persuade me to stick with the o women I dated. One day it came to o me that the daily needs of como panionship I felt were being fulfilled by Dough. He was attractive, no doubt, but I could never discuss my o feelings lest I be rejected and lose his o company. More and more, I realized o I was gay. I never felt that being gay o was wrong in God's eyes, but I knew that society would not tolerate it. A year or two went by, and out of total frustration I decided to find someone else like me. In a bar in a o city nearby, I met my first com pan- Summer 1989 ion. The experience was overwhelming. I felt so incredibly alive and overjoyed to be a part of this world. Mom and I went to church that weekend. One of the hymns we sang was "He leadeth me: 0 blessed thought." I felt the touch of God's great power come down and tell me I was OK even if I didn't do what society thought was OK. "Whate'er I do, where'er I be, still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me." I was just beginning to mature spiritually, and I felt the need to follow my inner self's needs. The world began to seem brighter, better, happier to me. I moved to the city and became acquainted with more people like myself. There was some disappointment, however. The folks I met were nice, but they lacked the sincerity of my friends back home. The love and security of the church family was missing too. All these gay III wonder if anyone has figured us out. I hope SO." ~ people seemed wrapped up with being successful city folks. I guess you can't take a boy out of the country. Visits home to the farm and my hometown church always felt so good. Everyone said they missed me, and somehow I knew it was true. At the beginning of my third year in the city, I met someone special at last-someone with a love so sincere and honest I could not ignore it. The two of us, Ray and I, soon set up house together. We each are very different from one another, but that seemed to make things better. He soon joined the United Methodist church we attended together each Sunday. I've never joined the church; I don't feel a need to. After a few months, another spring began to approach. As a farmer at heart, I yearned for my home, the earth, the trees, even the wind. On a weekend visit home, some friends expressed a need for an honest mechanic, a guy like me, to keep their machines rolling. I instantly saw an opportunity for income. The farm, really, in this day of agricultural depression, isn't able to support one person or family. OK. I'm living with this fine man, in a fine house, in a fine part of town. I have a fine job. However, my inner spiritual self says "Go home to where life feels most fulfilling." So I quit my job and moved back to my home town. My partner did not join me in my venture. He is a city person. We've held together a sort of weekend relationship. I've attended church both in the city and in my home town. It is so hard not to become involved at home. The church family needs me. I wish I could come out to them so they would understand why I won't commit to anything. The choir pesters me regularly to join. Ray comes sometimes for the weekend, and we go to church together. I wonder if anyone has figured us out. I hope so. For some reason, in the past year I have not felt God's power very much. I don't know why. Maybe because of my fragmented life. I have not stopped long enough to take note. I really don't know why I don't feel the magic I used to. The inspiration that used to come from singing an old familiar hymn just isn't there anymore. Could it be because I avoid any commitment to my church? I'm surely not doing anything to help anymore. I spend a lot of energy keeping my relationship alive. Maybe the problem is that I spend too much energy on one person instead of many. It still feels right to be living where I am. I'm a good mechanic, taking the best care I can of the people that live in this little valley. I hope the great power we call God is using me in a favorable manner. That's important to me! • Russell Fridley is a farmer currently working as a mechanic serving the agricultural commmunity in southcentral Washington. 13 Coming Out Straight Caroline Presnell , , S 0 what are you doing . 0 with yourself these days?" asks an acquaintance I haven't seen in a while. I name several things and add, "And next week I'm leading another workshop on sexuality and homophobia for the Kinheart Women's Center." At this point, if the person doesn't know my history well, I'm likely to get "The Look." I can almost hear them thinking, "Is she lesbian, after all?" I am then faced with a decision: to come out as a "straight" person or not. I usually choose to leave them wondering. It's part of my educational strategy in workshops and in personal encounters to disturb the unfortunately common idea that lesbians and gay men are always easily identifiable because they are very different from heterosexuals. In most of my social life, though, people know I'm not lesbian. When I choose to talk about the workshops, I am choosing to come out as an activist. I can't predict the reaction. It might be puzzlement, eager acceptance of an opportunity for discussion, or hostility. I don't like this coming out any more than I like being visible and vulnerable in antiapartheid demonstrations. Yet I won't stop doing either one. I was reared a Christian. According to my reading of the Gospels, some of the main themes are inclusiveness, liberation, and standing with the oppressed. I try to put these beliefs into action through my church, Wheadon United Methodist. Being a Reconciling Congregation, one important event for us is marching in the Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade. Talk about coming out! That's about as public as you can get. You don·t know who will see you, in person or in the news media, and perhaps assume you are lesbian/gay. You don't know how your personal image may be affected by being associated, even as a nongay/lesbian person, with a less than popular cause. These concerns are minor when weighed against the gratifications. The mood of the watching crowds 14 ranges from curious to friendly to festive. The sign we carry with our church's name draws frequent applause and audible comments. "Hey, a church is with us. All right!" Sometimes I glue on my smile and choke back my tears as I see an unobtrusive thumbs-up aimed at us, or a silently mouthed "Thank-you," and wonder what pain and rejection that person may have felt from the Church. I pray for the time when Pride Week will be no more and no less than another folk festival, the need for a political component all but ended. Because my home and church upbringing taught me to stand with the PROVO O~ MY 6AY SoN oppressed, I believe I would be involved in homophobia education even if I didn't have another personal reason. I'll never know that for sure, however. Homophobia has hit me in some tender places. In our workshops, leaders tell their own stories in order to put a face on homophobia. In relating mine, I come out in another way: I say that one of my five children is gay. Adjusting to the gayness itself wasn't a big task. He and I were close as he was growing up, and shared our thoughts and feelings freely. So when he, in his early twenties, told me that he was gay, I was shocked and very hurt that he had kept it from me. When I asked him why he hadn't told me earlier, he said my life was hard enough without adding another big burden. I was angry when I realized that although I had tried my utmost to be a good parent, I had not been fully available to and supportive of my child as he had gone through a special struggle in his formative years. I remembered that none of my child-rearing books suggested that sex education include information about homosexuality. I felt, and still feel, robbed. Each time I tell my story, it's like picking the scab off a wound and having it bleed some more. I don't have to do it, of course. I could choose not to come out as the parent of a gay person. I could avoid feeling resentment for ignorance, demeaning reactions I sometimes get, or weariness at perpetually having to be an educator. Most of all, I hate being pitied! But, like lesbian and gay people who open the closet door, I prefer to live free even if some consequences are undesirable. Many parents are unable to be open about their lesbian/gay child. I feel that by being out, I encourage them to struggle. I perhaps provide hope for lesbians and gay men working toward coming out to parents, or validation for those whose parents have rejected them. To come out as either an activist supporter or a parent of a lesbian/gay person is to stand with-to put body and spirit beside-the oppressed/loved ones. When society figuratively or literally throws rocks at my son, they wound me, too. I'm not going to hide in a closet while it happens. They're at least going to have to look me squarely in the face as they take aim. ~ Caroline Presnell is a member of Wheadon UMC. a Reconciling Congregation in Evanston, Illinois. She is interested in spirituality as it relates to humanity's development and envisions the evolution of religion to an eventual global synthesis of our collective wisdom. Open Hands T here are many joys associated with being a parish pastor. They have to do with living : with folks year in and year out and o sharing their lives-their triumphs; o their tragedies. One of the greatest joys is being able to share the whole gospel with them over the years. I o don't have to teach the whole Bible o in one Sunday school hour-or pro- o claim the entire message of God's o salvation in one 20-minute sermon. I can preach on spiritual growth this week, the global mission of the o church next week, the social respono sibility of the Christian the week o after, and the importance of Bible o study the week after that. One Sunday I preached what I felt o was a hard-hitting and sound sermon o on the church's responsibility to lead o in dismantling patterns of dis- o crimination-on our responsibility to o stand against racism, anti-semitism, o sexism, and homophobia. As I shook o hands after the service, one o parishioner commented to me: You know, I really appreciate your sermons. They are thought provoking and educational. You gave us a great deal to think about this morning. You really opened my eyes to how the church has collaborated in discrimination. But, while I have to agree with you that gays should be able to live and work where they want like anyone else, it is different when it comes to the church itself. We can't let homosexuals be leaders in the church; it wouldn't work. No homosexual could stand in the pulpit and teach me anything about the Christian faith. o It was simultaneously one of the fun- o niest and one of the most painful • moments of my career. For, you see, : I am a gay pastor. This incident happened many • years ago, but it is still the first story • I tell when asked what it is like to · be a gay pastor. It is by turns amus: ing, frightening, full of hope, and : full of pain. · What is it like? o It is scary. A great number of people-ind~ed the official policy of our church- o would put me right out of the ordained ministry if they knew I were gay-for living a life "incompatible with Christian teaching." That is very frightening-because it would separate me from a career I love, because it would destroy a reputation I have worked many years to build. and because I don't know how else I could make a living. It is scary to have to worry about "rumors" and "appearances," who can be trusted and who can't, the possibility of being exposed. It is damaging to my ministry when I am tempted to hold my tongue rather than risk antagonizing someone who would love to "expose" me "for the good of the church." It is frustrating. Though I consider myself to be one of the more able pastors in my annual conference, I will never have the advancement that I deserve because of innuendo and suspicion among my colleagues-some of whom, though married and presumed above suspicion, are also gay. Even colleagues who don't have personal problems with my life-style are a little afraid to have me in a position of any prominence because I might cause "scandal" in the church. In addition, being a gay pastor is frustrating because the church badly needs to be confronted with its homophobia and with the debt it owes to its gay and lesbian clergy. (I know of one annual conference in which virtually every major committee is headed by a gay or lesbian pastor.) If I came out there would have to be some acknowledgment (albeit grudgingly) that a gay man was an effective and respected pastor. But I can't do that without losing my job and thus all future opportunity to continue to be an effective parish pastor. As much as I want the church to face squarely my sexual orientation, I love my work and want to continue doing it. And my situation is also frustrating because I see gays and lesbians in the church. particularly youth who desperately need good adult gay/lesbian role models, but I can't be that role model without risking losing completely my access to these people. It is lonely. In an organization that places great value on committed relationships, I could not "bless" a relationship of my own in the eyes of the church. Besides, can you imagine moving a lover into the parsonageeven dating is a cat-and-mouse game with nosy parishioners. I feel cut off from both sides-never accepted for who I really am by the church community that means so much to me, and isolated by suspicion of anything or anyone connected with the church and by the demands of my job from the gay community as well. Only the presence of others in the same predicament keeps me from total despair. It is painful. I have lost friends to AIDS, but I cannot grieve openly. I hate the hiding and would love to live openly as who I really am. I am hurt constantly by actions and statements of a church and people that I really love. One particularly painful memory is of watching the pastor of my teenage years, a second father I dearly love, stand right next to me at annual conference and vote to deny ordination to gay men and lesbians. It is truly, in many ways, an intolerable situation. Why then, one might legitimately ask, do I put up with it? I could give you political reasons-the most effective agents of change are often Summer 1989 15 those within the system. I could give you ethical reasons-the church is · Standing Witness wrong on this issue, and I am part of a righteous remnant. And I sort of believe these things. But the greatest truth is, I don't feel I have had a choice. God made me a gay man and called me to ordained ministry, and to deny either my gayness or my calling would be to mock God. In spite of that, if I had come out before I finished seminary, I'm not sure I would have gone through with ordination-because I knew how homophobic the church was, and I'm not sure I would have had the courage to submit myself to it. As it worked out, however, I found myself confronting my sexual orientation in the midst of the church and, more importantly, in the midst of my professional ministry. My sense of God's acceptance and love have certainly deeply affected the way I deal with facing my gayness. At the same time, the process I went through in dealing with my gayness has made me a much better pastor than I ever could have been without it. I learned compassion and tolerance in the struggle to face who I am. And I feel that my experiences of homophobia have given me some insight into the oppressions of other people, helping me to stand for the rights of all who are oppressed. So-though I suffer from the conflicts of being both gay and a pastor-I nevertheless feel complete. I am a far healthier and better pastor than I was when I was denying my gayness. This is the ultimate irony-the church would dismiss me for the very thing that has given my ministry most of its power. Will I stick it out? I honestly don't know. There may come a point at which my need to take care of myself overcomes my commitment to being a pastor. I'm getting older, my pension is long vested, maybe it is time to live openly, to open myself to the possibility of a relationship, to spend more time with people who affirm who I am and not who they want me to be. Maybe it's time. Maybe it is a foolish dream to think the church I love and serve will ever learn to love and serve me and other gays and lesbians. Maybe it's time to let go of the hope that the church will ever turn back to the love of Christ and away from power games and oppression. I pray for my church. butmaybe it's time. Y · Phyllis is dead. · Shot herself to death Monday afternoon. · You remember Phyllis: the lesbian who wanted to be ordained in the United Methodist Church (God knows why). · Wanted to be a minister in a church that told her quite clearly: "No queers allowed here" (Only they said it much nicer than that, of course.) · Still, Phyllis persisted (God knows why) insisted she had a call t~ ministry, insisted she'd be less than whole proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ from the vantage point ·. of a closet. · Somehow she clung to the notion that she, too, was made in the image of God (God knows why), even while being battered by the church, even while her gifts and graces were being trashed. Well, Phyllis is dead now. · She's not around to bother you anymore, Church. · Not around to stand before you, insisting you see her .and hear her and know her. · No, Phyllis isn't around anymore. · And all you have left to contend with, Church, is a host of witnesses angelic and otherwise who stand expectantly before you. · And not a closet in sight. , , ~-:--:,~-<::; ~~.~ . .. .-.' Patricia Broughton ~ :-~" Chicago-based freelance writer and photographer 16 , • Jesse R. DeWitt Summer 1989 What is the cost? This is a question that is asked in every segment of our society. Cost analysis is a significant part of institutional and corporate survival. But how does one define or secure the "cost" to the church for its positions on social. economic, and/or moral issues that divide the body? What is the cost to United Methodism. or any denomination, for its social pronouncements on homosexuality and the resulting consequences in the lives of individuals? How does one measure the cost to individuals and the church of those who are either alienated from the church or maintain a "closet attitude" regarding their sexuality within the church'! As I experience increasing division within the church over issues of sexual orientation, I am aware that there are no sim pIe answers. It will be possible to report a specific dollar cost for the United Methodist quadrennial study and report of the Task Force on Homosexuality that was approved at the church's General Conference in 1988. However, this financial statement or audit will in no way address the real cost of homophobia in the United Methodist Church as a result of the report of this committee and the investments some will make to support its recommendations and others to oppose it. The investment on the part of pastors, laity, boards and agencies, cabinets and bishops regarding the issues of sexual orientation would be difficult to secure. Many of us are fully aware of the extent of such deliberations in our own experiences. Time, resources, and travel within judicatories have been invested as persons seek to deal responsibly with these issues. To acknowledge this is to call us to accountability and to raise the more critical concern of cost to the church of "gifts and graces" of individuals who are not accepted or recognized as "morally qualified" to share in the ministries of the church because of their sexual orientations or their supportive positions on homosex,uality. Personal stories, which must of necessity remain confidential, are the main vehicle through which one can begin to sense the high cost of homophobia to the church and society. I am aware of numerous individuals whose "gifts and graces" would have been of tremendous value to the church in pastoral ministry, and in other areas, of our church life. They have withdrawn from church involvement out of fear for their personal safety and/or to maintain their personal sense of integrity rather than reveal their sexual orientation. These persons possess the essential qualities of compassion, sensitivity, spiritual and social concern, intellectual capacity, educational qualifications, personal commitment, counselling skills, administrative ability, and creative vision. Their ability to challenge people to faithful action, to motivate individuals to self-awareness, and to create a climate in which various positions could be openly and honestly discussed is obvious to me. The cost to the church when such presence is lost to the community is high. I am aware of. the personal emotional and psychological cost to individuals who have remained within the structure of the church, living with the secret of their sexual orientation out of fear and uncertainty. To live on the edge of possible exposure and rejection extracts a high price from individuals and society. When persons are unduly limited in their capacity to share their God17 given talents openly, the church and society lose the bounty of such gifts and the individual often suffers anxiety and frustration. I have also experienced congregations and individual persons whose legalistic religious perspectives focus tremendous energy in policing the church in areas of sexual orientation. Such motivation is not open to rational discussion, reasonable consideration, or Christian love. A homosexual orientation is seen as so "evil and sinful" from their perspective that the only valid response open to the church is rejection. (The exception to this is if a gay/lesbian person "converts" to heterosexuality.) Compassion , forgiveness, and other nonjudgmental values of the Christian faith don't seem to enter in. Such churches and individuals become "single issue" oriented and project uncompromising demands upon the larger community of faith. Such action on the part of \I > "" ..,J '" v., '" '(" ., <. ., ), < "C'" .... r>f"Lv ....IIIIL'" 1-" f"""'" <oJ ".., ~ '" "., \. <(' oJ< ;} J'\ t.. r .., ( ., ., < '(' L. LV,.. ,...J ('" " ., ',... L. t'",.. L.,.., ,,~~ :r-v~",...."',,"-: ':--:"r \I.,'" r".,>(",..""" '" ., "'.J t" < L.." -, ~ &,. v '" .l '" " '1)" ... ,.. ... ,..t..,...,..~"'1'('~v ..J '" ....J.,., < ., ') ,.. < '(''''.c. "" <. '" > (" L"7&.-'C'<""....&t" ....&~L-r-.,V">,, &. v : ~ ':, ~"~I\'L,.. 7 ... &,.. 'T ".(, : "" "", \ v:t"..,..,.......r.......... <. ,.'" >" ') '" .> l,.. "" --'< t....,,....;:,<. ., " "\.J" .,. L ..J ., L 1\"> t. ,..'"L ~ r.l '),.. L ... '("' "L.vt'v..,J..,,,-",,...,'»"' .... "..,v >.,>V(,\.rv~v..,,.. "'>"'v"''''''L.''''''''''"&-",<...I..,.loL~''",,..) t'",,,.lo<>L,, ~ "" <t,.':~~ ~ ~ .,,,, >r "'., -:. <'.... ""r-<..,">"" >L,.. ",,"),..'" ~ ~ ~ ~ LI\ ,." ..,> ;: -; ('''» -, ~t'",,) '" 7f'".J' ~" """ \.>.. '" .,.J<,..,L....,..,('.v.,""'~ ........ ,.. "'''r.,'':.,'t''.... ..",,7L "..,L..., Vi ~I >/\'" ~L "" t",.. ,.. ~ , . L 1\ '(' one group polarizes the church. It redirects the focus and attention of the community from its primary tasks and objectives to dealing with one set of issues. In addition, it builds walls of separation and bitterness that limit open communication, mutual trust, and unity. The body is severely fractured, and reconciliation and healing are rendered virtually impossible. Human and financial resources are redirected into such endeavors at high cost to the overall mission of the church. When people are alienated, wounds are deeply inflicted and real healing is difficult. The church and its constituency pay dearly for sllch divisiveness. Because of their positions and/or actions, many local churches find it difficult to provide pastoral ministry to lesbian/gay persons. Although many on an individual basis would affirm a ministry to all persons, narrow definitions of the body of Christ by institutions make sllch ministry impossible. The effect of denying pastoral ministry to members of Christ's body is difficult to measure. It is clear, however, that there are no winners and the meaning of salvation and reconciliation can be distorted in such situations. Often an individual or group is willing to challenge what they believe to be a denial of human rights or a misunderstanding of the Gospel. Such confrontation can be essential to creative change but costly to those involved. I have shared with numerous individuals in this struggle. I have seen the responsible committees, boards, and agencies of the church take strong positions after prayerful and serious deliberation. Even though the group's discussion is intended to be confidential, the decision and discussion become a public matter. Debates begin. Accusations are made openly. Sides are chosen, and the outspoken individual becomes a victim rather than a channel for creative change. In such a conflict, the life of the 'group is disrupted and its work is jeopardized. The effect on the individual involved can be devastating as well, denying the very promise of Christ that we may have life abundant. That person's life could be ended by suicide or damaged by mental and/or physical breakdown. While the "finality of death" may be a rare experience in such situations, no one can ever measure the cost of a single life ending in such a tragic way. Conflicts like this can have far-reaching effects on family, friends, community, and the church. When we seek to compartmentalize life into a variety of categories as these various exam pies show, we deny the holistic nature of our God-given life. In many instances what some reject as evil and unacceptable may be God-given, and, like the Apostle Paul, we find ourselves kicking out against God. The sacredness of human life, the unity of Christ's Church, the nurturing of the Christian community, and the reconciling love of Christ that are to be revealed in the church are often sacrificed in interactions where sexual orientation is at issue. How can one measure the cost of such a loss? It is time for churches and people of faith to study the biblical and theological foundations of our faith as they reflect on human sexuality. Until we earnestly address this basic aspect of our humanity, we will continue to find individuals, families, congregations, communities, and judicatories increasingly involved in the costly conflicts surrounding homosexuality. We cannot afford the continued uncertainty in and the modification of our denominational positions. We must intensify our efforts for clarity and understanding, and establish a sound foundation for our position as a church. Until that occurs, we will continue to pay a high price in the sacrifice of individuals and the divisiveness within the church. Religious attitudes and church statements have served in many instances to undergird homophobia. Compassion and understanding are crucial as we seek to minister to all of God's people. The church must speak out with clarity and in love if we are to have unity within the body of Christ. ~ Jesse R. DeWitt. retired bishop of the United Methodist Church. served 8 years in both the Wisconsin and Chicago areas. He is presently a volunteer on the staff of the Midwest Center for Labor Research in Chicago. where he continues to work with groups in human rights and economic and social justice issues. Open Hands 18 Invading the Closet When I was a student at Drew U niversitv Theological School in the early 1980s, studying to be a minister in the United Methodist Church (UMC), I became aware that the issues of ordination were not the same for all the students there. For one group of students, there was a special question: "Am I a minister of God first, or am I a gay/lesbian indi vid ual first?" Since then, it has become clear to me that many gay men and lesbians like those students have chosen to be a minister of God first. The call to ordained ministry seems to have a power even greater than the need to openly affirm the self in the church and in society. I have seen how in my conference (the UMC's Northern New Jersey Annual Conference) gay and lesbian clergy, with much care and caution, have developed a support network that allows them, to some degree, to be who they are. There are no formal meetings or events, just an awareness that a certain person can be trusted not to reveal the truth about one's sexual orientation. But an outsider has stepped in. This one threatens to break down the intricately woven network that protected our gay brothers and lesbian sisters. The outsider is AIDS. When I was first appointed to a local church in 1985, I became aware that one of my ministerial colleagues had died of AIDS. This information came to me from the newly appointed minister to his charge. When he first moved in, he couldn't understand why the house was being cleaned, top to bottom, with disinfectant. To his knowledge, this was the first time that anyone had bothered to provide the bathroom with a new toilet seat. Gradually, it came out that his predecessor had died of AIDS. Recently, one of my clergy friends also died of AIDS. Ron Markle was the pastor of a church in a town that was increasingly becoming a colony of gay men and lesbians. He attended AIDS Action Team meetings (our conference's AIDS task force). He hosted an initial meeting for the Reconciling Congregation Program. In each of his four appointments, he, through his preaching and because of who he was, fostered a community of openness and inclusion. He preached and acted out the Gospel. He did not, however, ever make his gayness an issue. This was not so much because it would endanger his ministry. It was more because his gayness and his call to ordained ministry were integrated. For those who could see his gayness, it would be evident. For those who couldn't, it didn't matter. Yet being gay was important for Ron. If the question came up, he would answer honestly. Then he would say "Well, what are we going to do about it1" Invariably, the type of minister he was overrode the fact that he was gay. This is not to say that there was no struggle. When he and Steven became lovers, there were some conflicting feelings about Steven living in the parsonage. He was scared that he might be transferred out of the church or, worse, have his credentials pulled. They made no big issue out of their relationship. Steven moved in. People took to him very we]]. And that was that. By living honestly and with integrity, Ron maintained the respect of his congregation. Those who could see, did. Those who couldn't (or wouldn't) see, didn't. When Ron was too sick to work, there were those who rallied around him. His inner circle of friends knew he had AIDS. They were a compassionate, loving group of people. I went to the hospital to see Ron the day before he died. StE'ven was there and so was another cleq,ry friend. Ron knew that he was ready to die. If he died now, he would die with grace and dignity. If he hung on, he felt that he would lose most. if not all, of who he was as a person and as a minister. He wanted it to be made clear to those at his funeral that he had died of AIDS. But the focus was to be on his personhood and ministry. The next day, Ron died. Steven and Ron's district superintendent were there. He did die with grace and dignity. His funeral was beautiful and moving. Another district superintendent preached the funeral sermon to a church with standing room only. At the time for personal reflections, people stood up and affirmed Ron's gayness, his personhood, and his ministry. Others prayed for the affirmation of gay men and lesbians in ordination. Steven was there as Ron's most significant other in mourning. I think Ron would have been satisfied. We have come a long way between the deaths of these two ministers. Yet many of our cleq.,ry live in fear of being discovered. And many of our lay people live in ibrrlorance. One woman from Ron's church said, "Oh, he couldn't have died of AIDS; only gays die of AIDS." AIDS is having its impact on the church. Hopefully, the time is coming when we can openly affirm and support AIDSstricken people, both clergy and lay, before they die, rather than in memoriam .• Chris Hinnen is pastor of Grace UMC in Kearny, New Jersey. lIe has been involved in AIDS ministry since 1985 and is chair of the AIDS Action Team in the Northern New Jersey Annual Conference of the UMC. Summer 1989 19 "Sustaining The Spirit ~ Prayer of Confession and Hope Eternal God When our eyes are too full of our own visions; When our ears are too full of our own sounds; When our mouths are too full of our own wisdoms; When our hearts are too full of our own concerns; Break through; Liberate us from the narrow worlds which constrict our souls; Liberate us from the fear which blinds us to the newness of your work on the horizon; Liberate us from the preoccupation with the trivial and uneasiness with what is great; Liberate us into the community of God. AND When the hurt in our souls is deep; When we feel weak at the beginning of a mighty task; When we are parched for the water of life and hungry for the bread of heaven; When we are guilty with a guilt that will not leave us in peace; THENOHGOD Heal us. Strengthen us. Feed us. Forgive us. AND Bring us Through birth and rebirth Through giving and forgiving Through loving and loving kindness Through using us and preparing us for use Through judgment and grace Into citizenship in · the community Where all are sinners, yet all are accepted All are judged, yet all find mercy All are limited, yet all are ministers Grateful citizens, Loving children of the community of God. Amen -Joanne Brown Professor of Church History and Ecumenics. St. Andrews College. Saskatoon. Sasketachewan 20 YSustaining The Spirit~ Prayer of Confession and Hope Eternal God When our eyes are too full of our own visions; When our ears are too full of our own sounds; When our mouths are too full of our own wisdoms; When our hearts are too full of our own concerns; Break through; Liberate us from the narrow worlds which constrict our souls; Liberate us from the fear which blinds us to the newness of your work on the horizon; Liberate us from the preoccupation with the trivial and uneasiness with what is great; Liberate us into the community of God. AND When the hurt in our souls is deep; When we feel weak at the beginning of a mighty task; When we are parched for the water of life and hungry for the bread of heaven; When we are guilty with a guilt that will not leave us in peace; THENOHGOD Heal us. Strengthen us. Feed us. Forgive us. AND Bring us Through birth and rebirth Through giving and forgiving Through loving and loving kindness Through using us and preparing us for use Through judgment and grace Into citizenship in · the community Where all are sinners, yet all are accepted All are judged, yet all find mercy All are limited, yet all are ministers Grateful citizens, Loving children of the community of God. Amen -Joanne Brown Professor of Church History and Ecumenics. St. Andrews College. Saskatoon. Sasketachewan 20 Resources LJ Ethics and Honesty Bok, Sissela. Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life. New York: Random House/ Vintage, 1978. A widely acclaimed contemporary examination of what it takes to be honest. Discusses situations (including threats to privacy and questions about sexual preferences) in which lying mayor may not be ethically acceptable. An excellent appendix includes excerpts from writings on honesty and truth by philosophers and theologians such as Thomas Aquinas, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and Immanuel Kant. Closetedness and Openness in Society Grahn, Judy. Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words, Gay Worlds. Boston: Beacon Press, 1984. Miller, Neil. In Search of Gay America: Women and Men in a Time of Change. New York: Atlantic Monthly Press, 1989. Pharr, Suzanne. Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism. Inverness, Calif.: Chardon Press, 1988. Stanley, Julia Penelope, and Wolfe, Susan J., eds. The Original Coming Out Stories. Expanded ed. Watertown, Mass.: Persephone Press, 1989. Umans, Meg. Like Coming Home: Coming-Out Letters. Austin, Tex.: Banned Books, 1988. Varying perspectives on what it means to be in or out of the closet. Chapter 2 of Grahn's book, in particular, presents a valuable discussion of manifestations and consequences of the closet (both historically and in contemporary society I. Miller's fascinating report carefully portrays the diversity of gay men and lesbians in the United States today-in urban and rural areas; in minority communities, religious circles, and politics; in the closet and out. In her essay "Women in Exile: The Lesbian Experience," Pharr probes the negative effects of the closet as internalized homophobia. Stanley and Wolfe offer a diverse collection of stories of women describing their personal processes of coming out to themselves and others. Umans' book is a collection of letters home or to friends from lesbians and gay men as they come out. Summer 1989 Closets and the · Church-General • Boyd, Malcolm. Gay Priest: An Innt'r Journey. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1986. • Curb, Rosemary, and Manahan, Nancy. Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence. Tallahassee, Fla. Naiad Press, 1985. • Glaser, Chris. Uncoming Calling: A Gay Man's Struggle to Servt-' the Church. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1988. Sherwood, Zalmon O. Kairos: Confessions of a Gay Priest. Boston: Alyson, 1987. • Tinney, James S. "Struggles of a Black Pentecostal." Insight. December 1981. Reprinted in Smith, Michael J., ed. Black Men / White Men. San Francisco: Gay Sunshine Press, 1983. • Yoffe, Emily. "The Double Life of Finis Crutchfield." Texas Monthly. Vol. 15, no. 10 (October 1987). • Zanotti, Barbara, ed. A Faith of One's Own: Explorations by Catholic Lesbians. Trumansburg, N.Y.: Crossing Press, 1986. Several perspectives on aspects of being • in or out of the closet in the church. • Boyd writes from the perspective of a gay • man who lived in the closet as an Epis• copal priest until he came out publicly in • the late 1970s, while Sherwood's book (a • collection of letters to a friend) reveals • the struggle of a closeted gay priest aspir• ing to ordination. Curb and Monahan : present the stories of 51 lesbian nuns who • reveal their joys and pains, including • their struggles toward self-realization, • while Zanotti's book shares the personal • stories of a variety of lesbians raised in • the Roman Catholic Church. Glaser tells : of being denied ordination as a Pres• byterian minister and of struggling to • find alternative avenues for his call to : ministry. Tinney writes of working to • deal honestly and openly with three im• portant aspects of his persona (his : Blackness, gayness, and Pentecostalism). • Yoffe examines the ministry and deeply • closeted life of a United Methodist : bishop who died of AIDS in 1987. Closets of Family and Friends • Borhek, Mary V. My Son Eric. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1979. • Fairchild, Bettv, and Hayward. Nann. Now That You Kn;)w. Nt'\,\, )()rk: Harcourt, 1979. Both these books are dassics. Borlwk • movingly tells of her journt'y as an t'van: gelical Christian mother to understand • and accept her gay son. Fairchild and • Hayward offer stories and advice aimed • at family members struggling with the • reality of a lesbian/gay relatiw. · AIDS and the Closet • Altman. Dennis. AIDS in lh.· Mind of America. Garden Citv, N.Y.: Doubleday / Anchor i>ress, 19S(). • Nungesser, Lm G. Epidemic of Couragt·: Facing-AIDS in Anwrica. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1986. • Shands, Nancy. AIDS: Th(' Lon('ly Voyag-(" San Carlos. Calif.: Wid£> World / Tetra, 1988. Altman explores the social, political, • and psychological impacts of AIDS, in: cluding the fear and stigma that can ac• company the disease. He also talks about • the dual effects of AIDS on the doset• leading some gay men to come out more • publicly, while driving others deeper into • their closets. Nungesser's and Shands's : books are each the result of detailed in• terviews with persons who have AI DS or • AIDS-related complex (or who have been • affected by the disease in some other • way). In Nungesser's book, one respon• dent observes: " ... coming out with • AIDS is similar to coming out of the • closet as a gay person: a lot of question• ing, a lot of trying to find your iden• tity .... It's like crawling-starting out in • diapers and then crawling, then standing • up, then taking your first step, and it's • very similar, I think, to what people go • through coming out." 21 Rep Report Two New Reconciling Congregations The month of May brought two new Reconciling Congregations to our growing network. As you will read in the paragraphs below, Wilshire UMC (Los Angeles) and First UMC (Oneonta, New York) are two distinctive communities which add increased diversity to our movement. They also bring the distinction of being the two Reconciling Congregations with the largest membership. These two new churches bring the total number of Reconciling Congregations to 40. Wilshire UMC (Los Angeles) Wilshire is a large, 1,000-member urban parish comprised of diverse ethnic groups. A primary mission of the congregation is to provide worship and education opportunities in the different languages spoken by its members. Worship and education classes are held in Korean , Spanish, and English languages. The congregation has recently begun a worship service for Tagalog-speaking people (a Filipino language). A history of being an inclusive church helped prepare the congrega- Open Hands Wins Awards We are proud to announce that Open Hands received two prestigious awards from the Associated Church Press at its May convention. The "Living and Loving with AIDS" issue of Open Hands (Summer 1<)88) received an Award of Merit for best "in-depth coverage of a current issue." In the category of "general excellence," Open Hands was one of two magazines to receive honorable mention. In both categories Open Hands was rated alongside other magazines with fewer than 10.000 subscribers. 22 o tion for becoming a Reconciling Congregation. At the same time, its o diverse ethnic and racial composition o generated discussions about attitudes : toward homosexuality in different o cultures. Another important aspect of this o congregation's life has been its in- o volvement in music and the arts. In o addition to its own music/arts pro- o gram, the congregation provides o space for other community groups, o including the Gay Men's Chorus of o Los Angeles. The current congregation is the o product of several mergers. It has o been located on its current site since o the 1930s. o First UMC o (Oneonta, New York) Oneonta is a small city in eastern o New York state which is home to two o colleges. Initially a railroad town, o Oneonta witnessed the development o of several major corporations in its o vicinity. The resulting accumulation o of financial wealth is unusual for o such a small community. First UMC is a congregation of o 750 members which, after a period o of membership loss in the 1960s and o 1970s, is discovering renewed energy o in its life and mission. Much of its o ministry is directed toward those who The Associated Church Press is an association of over 175 religious newspapers and magazines in the United States and Canada. Its annual Award of Merit program is the most coveted award in religious print journalism. We applaud the many persons who have volunteered for the various tasks and roles needed to produce and promote this award-winning magazine over the past four years. Together we share the joy of these awards. o have been estranged from the church and society. The congregation main-o tains an active campus ministry and o a strong educational program for all o ages. The congregation provides fio nancial assistance in the form of o grants to smaller, rural churches. o The congregation also provides pro- o grams for children with handicapping o conditions and other community o groups. The congregation's mission reaches o out beyond its local community. The o congregation supports a Zimbabwean o family whose father is training for o the pastorate. The process of becoming a Recon: ciling Congregation began at First o UMC a year ago with a study within o the Mission Committee. After a o series of worship services on recono ciliation and alienation, the con- o gregation was invited to participate in : a four-week seminar with the Council o on Ministries. This seminar resulted o in a written statement of reconciliao tion which was presented to the Ado ministrative Board. o Keynote Speakers for RCP o Convocation I Joan Martin and Arthur Brandeno burg have agreed to be the keynote o speakers at the national convocation o of Reconciling Congregations. The o convocation will be held February 16-18, 1990, in San Francisco. Joan Martin is co-director of the Church and World Institute at Temple University in Philadelphia. Prior to her work in campus ministry, o Martin was director of the Justice for Women Program at the National Council of Churches and also served Open Hands i~ gs:.~'" ~ii-; ~";;;;E; ~.~:::.~~ Introducing A National Newspaper For Gay & Lesbian Christians..• SECOND STON--m~",;, ,.~~••, ,.'\II.'l_I\OPI~""'.""' " ~~ Ii . ... -. -.~.• . CAl.......... '. UiI ~__-' V:-r\..~. . .. ~II..."'.~-.---•. eoor-s~......,.. _~_ ",._, ... -~:~.. ..........\.. Engaging Features & Columns • News from Gay Christian Groups -~-~~~ ~." ~.... ,,,n'" '''' ... ~ . . V4b0-ChfUChIO'T!\8\( . . SIIJd~'l 0~ tAe\nod\$\ . Newsbriefs / Calendar / Book Revie -~~ '\j jl Retreats, Travel & New Friends Subscribe today to \ The Second Stone. \\ ~. '~t! u,..(le8IIr4 \IH~Oi9nl~"~~D~tr\c\\0f\S •. ,. V4ith Chure" u.... ._ .• ~~~M_-. :::-::r:;::,:,.'..'" ..~" ;t:.~~·~· \ ..~:-~_ ~1~~;~~;; ~~=~;;j 1~~tE~ :~~tA£ · · · · · · · · Y E5 ,· · · · · · · · · N ~~.~.~.....~.~.~ .~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.....~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.:.....~.~.~.~.~ Begin my subscription to Arldres,g ................................................................. . THE SECOND STONE for City, Sta.te & Zip ............................................... . [ ] One year (6 issues) for $12.60 [ ] Two years (12 l"ssues) fior $25.20 Check here if you prefer plain envelope for mailing: I I Please allow 6-8weeks for delivery of your f'rsl Issue Add $8.00 per year for poslage in Canada and ail other foreign countries. U S currency only Mail To: THE SECOND STONE, Box 8340, New Orleans, LA 70182 as the pastor of congregations in Philadelphia and Wilmington, Delaware. A graduate of Princeton Theological Seminary and ordained in the Presbyterian Church (V.S.A.), Martin is currently a Ph.D. candidate in Christian Social Ethics at Temple. V niversity. Highly regarded as a preacher, lecturer, and teacher, Martin has been a guest lecturer at Yale Divinity School and Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary and has taught at schools of Christian mission for Vnited Methodist Women. Arthur Brandenburg is currently a district superintendent in the Eastern Pennsylvania Conference of the V nited Methodist Church. Prior to this, Brandenburg was senior pastor of Calvary VMC (a Reconciling Congregation) in Philadelphia for 12 years. With his innovative pastoral leadership, Calvary became a model of urban ministry. After his graduation from Vnion Theological Seminary (New York), Brandenburg served as chaplain at Duke and Yale universities during the tumultuous 1950s and 1960s. In addition to graduate study at the V niversity of Chicago, Brandenburg • has traveled and studied extensively Spirit of the Lakes began as a • in Europe, Asia, and Africa. • small house church in May 1988, Joan Martin and Arthur Branden• comprised of 10-12 persons from All • burg bring a combination of skills in • God's Children MCC in Minnea: biblical/theological analysis and local : polis. Its initial purpose was to create • church ministry to the RCP convoca-• a safe place for worship and spiritual • tion. As the keynote team, they will • growth for lesbians and gay men • lead three plenary sessions on the • with a liberal theological perspective. • convocation theme--':'Renewing the From the time it opened its ser• Vision: Parables of Hospitality, Heal• vices and programs to the general : ing, and Hope." They will guide con-: public the following September, • vocation participants in reflection • Spirit of the Lakes was an inten• and study to ground this reconciling • tionally inclusive community. Over • movement in the biblical witness. • the succeeding months, attendance in To assist you in planning your par• worship grew dramatically to 100-125 • ticipation in the convocation, regis-• persons by the spring of 1989. When : tration information will be available : Spirit of the Lakes began seeking • in September. • denominational affiliation several • months ago, the V CC conference · Gay/Lesbian Congregation : minister took the initiative to invite · Admitted to UCC Denomination: Spirit of the Lakes to join the VCC. • In early June the covenanting service In what is regarded as a historical • between Spirit of the Lakes and the • first, the Eastern Association of the · V CC association brought together • Minnesota Conference of the V nited • 200 persons to celebrate this historic • Church of Christ (VCC) voted on • event. • April 22 to accept the Spirit of the • Lakes Ecumenical Community · Thanks for Your Support • Church as a "developing church." Our April appeal for funds to • This is the first step for a new con• erase a financial deficit for Open • gregation to become a fuJI member • Hands and the Reconciling Con: of that denomination. • gregation Program has produced a 23 Summer 1989 generous response from our friends. By the end of Jnne, 120 persons had contributed over $4,200 to support our ministry. In addition to one-time gifts, several persons pledged regular contributions over the next year. We are most grateful for these signs of support for this ministry. The Reconciling Congregation Program and Open Hands receive no national denominational support and are dependent primarily on contributions from congregations and friends. If you wanted to make a contribution but did not have the resources to do so, remember that your support is 'needed and most welcome at any time. Shalom! Reconciling Congregations Metropolitan·Duane UMC c/o Trudy Grove 201 W. 13th Street New York, NY lOOn Washington Square UMC c/o PJ. Leopold.Trump 135 W. 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC c/o Beth Bentley 6th Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 First UMC c/o Bill Bouton 66 Chestnut Street Oneonta, NY 13820 Calvary UMC c/o Chip Coffman 815 S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 Dumbarton UMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC c/o Chuck Kimble 4th and I Streets, SW Washington, DC 20024 St. John's UMC c/o Barbara Larcom 2705 St. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park·Aldersgate UMC c/o Sally Daniel 575 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC c/o Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Reach for the Light! ~ ...~~..~~~..~~.~~.~~~.~~.~~~~.:~.~~~...~ shinC'& forth the light of hope for all God's people. I want: _ 1 year of The Other Side for $12.50 Save $9.25 plus get the "Giver's Guide" _ 2 years of The Other Side for $25.00 Save $1850 plus get the "Giver's Guide" _ Payment enclosed. _ Bill me later. Name ______________________________________ Address ___________ City ____________________ State Zip ________________ Add$8 per yearfor M"·U.s. andAPO or FPO addresses. S0601Z .................................................................... An Incredible Price on an Incredible Magazine Act now and you'll save as much as $18.50 on The Other Side. the premier magazine ofhope and love for all God's people. Clip the coupon below and discover a Christian peace-and-social-justice magazine infused with the biblical vision of jubilee, a magazine that has courageously sided with gay and lesbian Christians since 1977. Great reading. Fascinating people. Refreshing ideas. An Amazing Bonus If You Act Now Subscriptions to The Other Side are normally $21.75 a year. Act now and we'll send it to you for just $12.50. PLUS we'll include, as the first issue on your subscription, our special, extra-value "Giver's Guide," a fact-filled guide to 123 charitable organizations involved in a variety of causes. You'll find detailed opinions and perspectives, including concrete information on those organizations which actually acknowledge that they discriminate against gay and lesbian people. The "Giver's Guide" alone is worth the price of your subscription. Quantities limited! Respond today! The Other Side 300 W. Apsley Street, Philadelphia. Pa. 19144 Central UMC c/o Chuck Larkins 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610 Wesley UMC c/o John Human 823 Union Avenue Sheboygan, WI 53081 University UMC c/o Steven Webster 1127 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 Wesley UMC c/o Patchwork Committee 101 E. Grant Street Minneapolis, MN 55403 Walker Community UMC c/o Debra Keefer 3104 16th Avenue Minneapolis, MN 55407 University UMC c/o Dave Schmidt 633 W. locust DeKalb, IL 6O115 Wheadon UMC c/o Albert Lunde 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Euclid UMC c/o Alan Tuckey 405 S. Euclid Avenue Oak Park, IL 60302 Albany Park UMC c/o Reconciling Committee 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625 United Church of Rogers Park c/o Sally Baker/Paul Chapman 1545 W. Morse Avenue Chicago, IL 60626 Irving Park UMC c/o David Foster 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Kairos UMC c/o Richard Vogel 6015 McGee Kansas City, MO 64113 St. Mark's UMC c/o David Schwarz 1130 N. Rampart Street New Orleans, LA 70116 St. Paul's UMC c/o Jeanne Knepper 1615 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218 St. Francis in the Foothills UMC c/o Christiane Heyde 4625 E. River Road Tucson, AZ 85718 United University Church c/o Edgar Welty 817 W. 34th Street Los Angeles, CA 90007 Wilshire UMC c/o Bob Ficklin 4350 Wilshire Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90010 Crescent Heights UMC c/o Walter Schlosser 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue W. Hollywood, CA 90046 The Church in Ocean Park c/o Judy Abdo 235 Hill Street Santa Monica, CA 90405 Wesley UMC c/o Della Campbell 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Fresno, CA 93710 Hamilton UMC c/o Judy Kreige 1525 Waller Street San Francisco, CA 94109 Bethany UMC c/o Rick Grube 1268 Sanchez Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Trinity UMC c/o Arron Auger. 152 Church Street San Francisco. CA 94114 Calvary UMC c/o Jerry Brown 1400 Judah Street San Francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC c/o Elli Norris 2362 Bancroft Way Berkeley, CA 94704 Albany UMC c/o Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706 Sunnyhills UMC c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC c/o Darrell Wilson 101 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688 Wallingford UMC c/o Margarita Will 2115 N . 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103 Capitol Hill UMC c/o Mary Dougherty 128 Sixteenth Street Seattle, WA 98112 Reconciling Conferences California·Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy Wyoming Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 5 No 1 - In, Out, or In Between: The Closet Dilemma https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/617792925db4b690627783b317469262.pdf 65a1a89aa33406b263080df374e21bcd Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 4 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1989 Publication Date The date the issue was published Spring Text Any textual data included in the document Uls your heart true to my heart as "mine is to yours? ..!!it is, give me your Spring 1989 Vol. 4· No.4 Created to Create: Lesbian and Gay Men in the Religious Arts I Vol. 4· No.4· Spring 1989 O pen H ands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole fami Iy of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. . Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling congregation~ Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson . Open Hands Co-Editors M . Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Jerry W . Henry Beth Richardson Typesetting and Graphic Design linda Coffin leanne Poteet Note to advertisers: Beginning with the Summer 1989 issue, Open Hands will accept paid advertising. For rate information, write to Open Hands or call: 202/863-1586. Open H.... (formerly Mann.J '04' the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities ot 10 or more are $3 each .. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are avai lable as indicated in the bsue. Subscriptions and COfrespondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 W.shinglon, DC 20026 Copyright © 1989 by Affirmation: United Methodists for l esbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Member of The Associated Church Press. ISSN 0888-8833 Created to Create: Lesbians and Gay Men in the Religious Arts Contents 3 A Letter from the Open Hands' Staff 4 The Church, Art, and the Search for Truth Paul Abels 6 Profiles in Creativity: Gay Contributions through the Centuries Jerry W. Henry and Bradley Rymph 9 Walking on the Edges An Interview with Tina Heck 12 "Coming Out: A S tory in Mime" Mary Gaddis and Patricia Broughton 14 What's in a Name? Chris Glaser 16 "Meditations on God" Susan Echo 18 RESOURCES 19 "Ours the Journey" Julian Rush 20 Called to Serve Dale McCurdy 21 14Easter Alleluia" John S. Rice 22 RCP REPORT Cover painting by Tim Achor-Hoch Next Issue's Theme: Closetedness and the Church Open Hands 2 Dear Open Hands' readers: It's hard to believe that this issue completes four years of publication. What ajourney it's been! The flrst issue of Manna for the Journey (our original name) was cranked out on a word processor after-hours at Mark's offlCe. It was a risk of faith With no capital funds and no subscribers. In these four years, we've changed our name, seen volunteer staff come and go, changed printers and graphic artists, tWisted authors' arms (over the phone) to get articles in, and cried over the increasing costs of production. There have been times we've thought we might not produce another issue. But thanks to you and our hundreds of other friends around the country, we've made it through four years -a major accomplishment. We continue to grow -we have almost 1,500 subscribers in the United States and around the world. In the 16 issues published, we have attempted to offer in-depth coverage of a Wide variety of issues related to lesbians and gay men in the church. We have provided a written forum for many supporters of lesbian/gay concerns who otherWise would not have been publicly heard. We have provided nurture and support for the more than 140 pioneer congregations around the country who have declared themselves to be "Reconciling," "More Light," "Reconciled-in-Christ," or "Open and Afflrming. " As we look toward our flfth year and beyond, we also antiCipate some changes. We want to continue to enhance Open Hands' usefulnE;lss to you and to ensure its long-term stability. First of all, we must address the fmances of the magazine. In 1988, our income from subscriptions, renewals, and sales reached $18,757.93 (a 69% increase over our 1987 income). However, this was still over $10,000 short of the total cost of prodUCing, printing, and promoting Open Hands. This continuing deflcit drains resources from the other important ministries of Afflrmation and the Reconciling Congregation Program. Therefore, we have deCided to increase the basic subscription price to $16, effective June 1, 1989. We were very reluctant to do thiS and made the decision only after consultation With many Open Hands readers and friends who have assured us that the long-term survival of the magazine is worth at least that much of their money. So the new subscription prices are: One-year subscription $18 Two-year subscription $30 One-year subscription outside sao the U.S.A. Single issue .8 Of course, as has always been our policy, we Will send a subscription to those on limited incomes who cannot afford the full subscription price. To you, our current subscribers, we do make a special offer: we will renew your subscription for another year at the old price of $12 ifyou send in your paorment by July 31,1989. This subscription increase is not the only change we are planning for Open Hands. We Will begin printing "letters to the editors" in one of our next issues. We want to give you, our readers, the opportunity to respond to what you read in Open Hands and also to share other concerns affecting lesbians and gay men in the church. We hope to offer more "special reports" on events related to ministry With lesbians and gay men in the church, in cases where you would not find in-depth coverage in other religious publications. We have some other ideas in mind as we evaluate what we have accomplished over the past four years. But we also want to hear what you think. If you could take a few minutes to write us a note telling what you like about Open Hands and where you would suggest changes, that would be gratefully received. We are exceedingly glad as we reach this milestone of four years on the 'ourney. Yet we recogniZe that there are miles to go before we reach the Promised Land. We are most thankful that God has not abandoned us and that the mighty Winds of Pentecost continue to gently guide (and push) us forward. Mark Bowman M. Burrill Bradley Rymph ' THE CHURCH, ART, and the SEARCH FOR TRUTH by Paul Abels One of the great spiritual struggles of our age is how to cling to the irreplaceable objects of beauty in our lives and at the same time share our possessions with the poor. In our churches, we may commit ourselves to preservation of a splendid historic church structure or repair of a stained-glass window and get lambasted by critics for diverting the church's money away from more needy causes, such as support for a local shelter for the homeless. At the individual level, we can buy a new, expensive stereo (because we love good music) -and, as we are signing the credit card receipt, remember that we have not yet paid up our pledge to that shelter. We generally live with the tension of this dichotomy because we have grown to accept that this is the way that it is. The contradiction simply is a basic fact of life . This dilemma lies at the very heart of the relationship between the church and art. Our culture has isolated the products of art, thoroughly commercialized and often deified them, while also isolating the poor and devaluing them as persons. Our economic system thrives on this dichotomy, and the church is thrust into its vortex. We have reached this point partly because we have encouraged the "elite-izing" of art, puffing up the price of the so-called masterpiece to obscene tens of millions of dollars. By so doing, we have discouraged and further devalued the "ordinary" creative act. We can see this elite-izing happening presently with folk art, that creative expression which until recently was considered simply nice to have around, but not especially costly. Is this not what has been happening with Shaker furniture? For generations, it was considered good and useful but not expensive. Now, because it is "in," prices are reaching astronomical levels, and this folk craft -which only a few years ago would never have been found outside of rural areas -may soon be found only in the posh residences and offices of the wealthy. What do religion and art mean? Each of these words is ambiguous and vague. Is religion the avenue through which we seek to find the meaning of the universe and life in it? If so, this search has led to the congealing of a few "mainstream" codifications of what are held to be valid meanings, one of which is Christianity, and its institutionalization, the church . And within what we call the church are, in tum, hundreds of manifestations of what are believed to be true Christian belief and practice. Each of these manifestations holds to a particular view of art in the religious experience with a particular historic and faith bias. And what about art? Upon mention of art, we readily imagine products (objects) -paintings, sculptures, buildings, books, etc. But the arts embrace an incomprehensible range of creative, intuitive processes of the imagination (subjects), leading to an expression -only one form of which is the products. Therefore, we must add to the objects of art the process arts, including music, dance, theater, etc., which leave us with impressions and memories shaped through time. They are a process, though perhaps a product in the memory. Each of us is more likely to have an opinion of what is good art or bad art than we are to have a definition of what art is. Roger Ortmayer, editor of motive magazine in the 1960s and later director of the Department of Church and Culture of the National Council of Churches, resolved this question for me when he said that "art is whatever artists do." With this definition, the judgment categories of "good" or "bad" simply do not apply. It leaves us only with making a choice -do I like it or not? We can rightfully say we like or don't like a particular manifestation of art, because art is a subjective idiom of communication. But in such circumstances does it matter if the art is good or bad? I think not. The Balinese have said that "We have no art -we do all things well." The judgment upon Western culture that this remark contains is scorching. In our society, we set aside art as something special, participated in only by the few. For the people of Bali, the cultural objective is that whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well . Everything is done on a continuum of more or less equal value, rather than stacked in a hierarchy of values, some greater or lesser than others. Our masterpiece syndrome has eroded the broad base of creative expression which is fundamental to a vital religious (and certainly, artistic) life. What, then, is the relationship between the church and art? I believe that it is where it has been at least since the beginning of this century -generally looking for common ground (at best), and merely surviving as a thread of interest (at worst). Ken Dewey, one of the leading "happening" artists of the 1960s, observed that "the common ground between religion and arts is the search for truth." This search is a driving force for the theologian, whether he or she is spinning out theories of grace or delving into the gospel of Mark for hidden meaning. The artist is attempting to do the same. The artist has a vision of the creation at hand (even a partial one). He or she spins out the shape, color, sound, or words with the expectation that when the Open Hands 4 act is finished (if it ever is), one more window into the great mystery of life will be opened. At one time in our Western world, religion and art were virtually synonymous. However, centuries ago, they parted ways, and now the two are almost irreconcilably divided. Some of us undoubtedly long -perhaps subconsciously -for their reunion. But I believe that religion and art are two distinct entities, each propelled by forces that upon close examination have much in common, including the search for truth. One of the greatest dangers for both the artist and the theologian has always been replacing the search for truth with a proclamation of truth. In this instance -when it is believed that truth has been discovered -religion becomes orthodoxy and art becomes propaganda. The church ends up using art for telling its story , rather than joining with artists as coequal forces in the search for truth. Only when the practice of religion remains open, exploratory, flexible, creative, and tentative (good enough for the time being -but there must be more) does it remain vital. Sadly, most American religious practice is sterile, rigid, and closed, devoid of the vitality of a searching faith. Art can succumb to the same fate. When music settles for the comfortable, the familiar, the formula, it grows inane and morose. So it is, too, with visual arts, literature, theater. But in art (as sometimes in religion), there are moments of breakthrough, where a new statement is made , a new view of truth is exposed, and these are the moments for which we wait. Another common ground in both religion and art -at their best -is a drive to create. Dorothy Sayers, in her book The Mind of the Maker, says that the sole , unique goal of the artist is to "make a new thing." She finds in this goal the nexus of relationship between God and God's creatures. She goes on to say that "the distinction between the artist and [one] who is not an artist thus lies in the fact that the artist is living in the 'way of grace,' so far as vocation is concerned." Sayers then concludes with this stirring remark: "Perhaps the first thing [we] can learn from the artist is that the only way of 'mastering' one's material is to abandon the whole conception of mastery and to cooperate with it in love: whosoever will be a lord of life , let them be its servant. If the artist tries to wrest life out of its true nature, it will revenge itself in judgment, as the work revenges itself upon the domineering artist." A similar attitude was put another way by Walter Wangerin, Jr., a Lutheran clergyman and author of Miz Lil & The Chronicles of Grace. In an interview, Wangerin reflected on the intersection of his two professions: "The two professions drew on the same resources in me and upon the same time. Ministry is a creative act, just as writing is a creative act. Both of them deal with human being. Both of them require integrity and affection." Another, more contemporary definition of the goal of the artist which has a social redemption twist is that of Gore Vidal. In his book Sex, Death and Money, Vidal says that: politics in a work ofart is like a pistol shot at a concert. But that was another century. Today the pistol shots are the concert while the work of art is the discordant interruption. To interrupt catastrophe is the artist's highest goal at a time when, like it or not, pure novelist and worldly polemicist are both in the same boat, each bailing water since it is not (yet) our nature to drown without a struggle. This definition is based on the premise that life (collectively) would be so much worse than whatever it now is -i.e. , catastrophic -without the work of artists. If we are to accept this premise (which I sometimes do), I think it is a perfect metaphor for the church (at its best, of course). #.ul of this seems to lie at such great distance from the prevailing attitude of American Christians, which is often limited to the observation, "Isn't it pretty," growing out of the social conditioning (reinforced by life in the church as mirror of that culture) that only those things that are conventionally "beautiful" are worthy of a place in (or permitted to enter) the church. In recent decades, a faithful few in the church have been moving toward formulating a new aesthetic, one which is consonant with an honest and loving faith. This joining of integrity and affection, as Wangerin puts it, is our church and art agenda as we move into the 21 st century. We must finally move away from prostituting art and artists -most especially, musicians -for merely telling the church's story. Instead, we must engage in a mutually respectful search with artists for new visions of truth an~ new expressions of affection . One of the few resources which. churches have to lend to this journey is space, and space IS one of the most badly needed tools for artists . When churches share space with artists, they have to take risks that what artists will say and do may not be pleasing or pretty . But when an honest working relationship is estab-. lished between the church and artists it is less likely that we will take offense at the surprises, because they are rendered in love. Churches must also let go of the longing to own masterpieces. That day is long gone and we have a new day before us. I do believe that we have a profound moral obligation to preserve and maintain the treasures that we have already inherited, whether they be musical works or paintings or architectural gems. But we have an even more compelling moral imperative to create a new thing. But what about the other agenda of the church -to feed the hungry, house the homeless , clothe the naked? J tum to an essay of Albert Camus for a way to go about it: "There is beauty and there are the humiliated. Whatever difficulties the enterprise may present, Jwould like never to be unfaithful either to one or the other." There is no question that this enterprise is, indeed, very difficult. It is hard enough to work in the church to join integrity and affection without adding to it a struggle with artists. But if we are to succeed we have no other choice. For Camus the question is: how can beauty and the humiliated be understood together? For the Christian the question is: how could they possibly be understood separately? • Paul Abels is executive director of Equinox, a community-services agency in ALbany, New York. He is a retired member of the New York AnnuaL Conference of the United Methodist Church. Open Hands 5 - Benjamin Britten Dtnid· Mk:bD1mae10 Open Hands Profiles in Creativity Gay Contributions through the Centuries by Jerry W. Henry and Bradley Rymph Over many centuries, gay men and lesbians -or persons who by today's standards would be considered gay or lesbian -have made innumerable contributions to the life ofthe church through the arts. The most visible arena for this creativity has probably been church music, but there have often been visual artists, writers, architects, glassworkers, and performing artists ofall descriptions who have offered their gifts to God through the Church. We offer here briefprofiles ofjust afew ofthese artists. This clearly is not a complete list. Space does not permit such an accounting, and, undoubtedly, the lesbian/ gay identities ofmany ofthose who have made contributions through the centuries will forever remain unknown. Only recently have historians begun revealing evidence related to the sexual orientations of some of humanity's most creative geniuses. Sadly, this lack ofhistorical evidence is particularly the case with lesbian artists. Not only have historians hidden their subjects' sexual orientations; being mostly men, these historians have also neglected to consider the contributions ofwomen -whether heterosexual or lesbian -to be worth study or discussion. In addition, it has historically been easier for two women to maintain hidden lives than for two men living together. There can be no doubt that lesbians, as well as heterosexual women and gay men, have made notable contributions to the Church's artistic life throughout Christian history. ARTHUR S. S ULLIVAN was apparently widely known to his contemporaries. The social rules of his -From Penzance to "Onward, day unofficially stipulated that the Christian Soldiers" upper classes would be allowed their One of the greatest controversies "vices" so long as no public scandal that faced the committee assembling was likely. the new United Methodist Hymnal was deciding what to do with "Onward, Christian Soldiers." To many people, FRANZ SCHUBERT the hymn was overtly militaristic and -A Life in Gay Circles therefore unsuitable for the hymnal. To many other United Methodists, howAnother composer who probably ever, the hymn was a reminder of the was gay is Franz Schubert. He also is need for Christians to be vigilant in represented in the new United Methotheir quest to do God's will and addist Hymnal. The new musical settings vance God 's word. for Holy Communion include a very Many of the persons who fought singable set of selections adapted from (successfully) to preserve "Onward, Schubert's Deutche Messe. Christian Soldiers" might be surprised Relatively little information exto learn that the composer of St. Gerists about Schubert's private life. His trude, the hymn's tune, was a British music did not become widely known gay man named Arthur S. Sullivan. until many years after he died, and, as a Along with his musical partner, result, most of what is known about William S. Gilbert, he composed such him comes from memoirs written by popular Victorian satires as HMS Pinafriends. It is clear, however, that fore, The Pirates ofPenzance, and The Schubert most likely was gay. He travMikado. Sullivan is also represented in eled in predominantly gay circles. Of the new hymnal by the tune St. Kevin, the several friends he lived with from used for the hymn "Come Ye Faithful, his early teens, only one ever married Raise the Strain." -and that man at the age of 61. Although Sullivan chose to live Schubert died at age 31 , after suffering his life "discreetly," his homosexuality for years from syphilis. 6 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- -- - - BENJAMIN BRITTEN -20th-Century Choral Composer Any church choir that performs Christmas cantatas each year has probably at some time or another performed A Ceremony of Carols by Benjamin Britten. These choirs may also have performed Britten's other, shorter religious anthems -Hymn to St. Cecilia, Rejoice in the Lamb, and others. Britten is considered to have been not just one of the most important 20th-century composers but one of the greatest British composers ever. He was a prolific writer of choral and orchestral compositions but is probably best known for his operas. Two of these -Billy Budd and Death in Venice -were based on literary texts with strong homosexual undercurrents. With both Billy Budd and Death in Venice, Britten wrote the principal role for tenor Peter Pears. Pears and Britten met each other in 1934 while preparing a broadcast of Britten's A Boy Was Born. Three years later, after Britten had accepted his homosexuality, they became lovers. They lived together until Britten's death in 1976. In a 1980 interview, Pears described their union as having been filled with "passionate devotion, faith, and love." LEONARDO DA VINCI -Linking God and Humanity Through Art One of the most famous depictions of an event in Jesus' life is Leonardo da Vinci's painting The Last Supper. Many Christians recognize with awe the God-given creativity that Leonardo's work in this painting and others clearly displays. Yet many of these same Christians might have trouble seeing God's presence in other aspects of Leonardo's life. At the age of 24, he was imprisoned for two months when he and four other young men were accused of having sex with a 17-year-old lad named Jacopo Saltarelli. Later, Leonardo hired a 10-year-old studio boy named Giacomo Caprotti, who was described as "graceful and beautiful, with fine curly hair, in which Leonardo greatly delighted." Salai, as the boy was nicknamed, eventually became Leonardo's pupil and lover. Leonardo also took in a young gentleman named Francesco Melzi, who became his lifelong companion and eventually was executor of Leonardo's estate. Leonardo rejected strong convictions on either side of the religious controversies of his day. He had no use for such concepts as a special Creation or the Flood. But he was a deeply religious man, who loved the Church and who saw artists as forces able to link God, nature, and human existence. MICHELANGELO And His Love Sonnets Probably the most famous of the visual artists commissioned to do works of art for the Vatican and various Italian patrons was Michelangelo Buonarotti. His creative genius shone through in such masterpieces as the sculptures the Pieta, David, and Moses, and his painting ofthe ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. All these masterpieces share in glorifying the muscular, male nude body. Though Michelangelo always maintained a discreet silence about his sex life, his general partiality to young men was well known in Rome, where he lived. Some historians suspect that the male models he used for his statues of both men and women shared his bed as well as his studio. Michelangelo's affections were particularly strong for the young nobleman Tommasso Cavalieri and Febo di Poggio, a young prostitute who' worked as one of his models. Michelangelo expressed his feelings for these men through sonnets that leave no secret of his affection . In one letter, he wrote, "Whenever I behold someone who. possesses any talent or liveliness of mind, or displays any excellence in action or grace of body, I am impelled to fall in love with him. I give myself up to him so entirely that I no longer possess myself, but am wholly his." ALBRECHT DURER And the Praying Hands One of the most commonly reproduced pieces of Christian art today is the classic engraving the Praying Continued on p. 8 ~of. dDtail of MiclIeWJplo'. P;~td Open Hands 7 MALCOLM BOYD This is ahomosexual bar, Jesus. It looks like any other bar on the outside, only it isn't. Men stand three and four deep at this bar -some just feeling a sense of belonging here, others making contacts for new sexual partners. This isn't very much like a church, Lord, but many members of the church are also here in this bar. Quite afew of the men here belong to the church as we" as to this bar. If they knew how, a number of them would ask you to be with them in both places. Some of them wouldn't, but won't you be with them, too, Jesus? Reprinted from Are You Running wjth Me, Jesus?: Prayers by Malcolm Boyd. Copyright © 1965 by Malcolm Boyd. Reprinted by permission of the author. As ayoung gay man, I was alonely outsider and rebel. I felt condemned by society for being who I was, and had no help to understand what being gay could possibly mean in any hopeful, positive, or creative ways. The ideal of the lover was always close and tender to me. The lover would touch me, hold me ... laugh and cry with me ... understand ... be kind, not vengeful ... let me be myself, even while helping me to grow ... share in a loving mutuality ... . My theology slowly took root in my experience and consciousness as agay man. Life around me, as within, seemed brutal, lonely, repressive. Who was God? Surely, the antithesis of what was brutal, lonely, repressive. I adored God. God was my strength. God was with me. God cared. In God's view, everything came together somehow and made sense. God looked upon life and it was good. God made life. God redeemed life. From my view, God was never the Torturer. God did not run concentration camps for people. God was not the Executioner, Cruel Judge, Absolute Monarch, Totalitarian Dictator, Capricious Deity. I learned to know God as The Lover. Reprinted from Gay Priest: An Inner Journey by Malcolm Boyd. Copyright © 1986 by Malcolm Boyd. Reprinted by permission 0/ the author. Open Hands Continued from p. 7 Hands or, more properly, Hands in an Attitude of Prayer. The story of how this work of art by Albrecht Durer came to be created is also a beautiful story of the deep love between two men in 15th-century Germany. As a young man, Durer aspired to an artistic career, as did a close friend of his. Neither man was wealthy, however, and they lacked the financial resources to study art at the same time. The friend agreed to work at manual labor and earn a living for the two of them while Durer pursued his studies. In tum, when Durer finished school, he agreed to work while his friend studied. Unfortunately, by the time Durer had completed his training, his friend's hands had stiffened from manual labor to the point where he could not pursue his own painting career. Later, when Durer prepared a series of anatomical drawings, he included an engraving of his friend's gnarled hands. Thus, the Praying Hands is one man's loving tribute to the selfless giving of another man, a memorial to their deep love for each other. The kind of giving demonstrated by Durer and his friend is typical of the sacrifices that men and women throughout history have made for those with whom they are in committed relationships. The historical evidence indicates that Durer and his friend were almost certainly male lovers. MALCOLM BOYD -Running With Jesus In 1965, an activist Episcopal priest published a book of poetically written prayers that evoked God's presence in the concerns both of everyday life and of a rapidly changing society. After a slow start, Malcolm Boyd's Are You Running with Me, Jesus? became a national best seller, garnering rave reviews in religious and secular publications. His prayers were used in worship services, studied in church school classes, and read by hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of people. Thirteen years and several successful books later, Boyd published an autobiography, Take Offthe'Masks. In it, he talked about coming to grips with one aspect of his personhood that he had long kept deeply private: his homosexuality . This time, the reaction was different. Secular and religious publications refused to review or (in some cases) accept advertisements for it, and television programs that had interviewed him before turned down opportunities to do so with this book. Suddenly, religious people who had admired Boyd's work seemed to want to forget they had ever praised him. But Boyd's voluminous writings could not be forgotten. Nor could his continuing literary productivity be stifled. The man who had gone from Hollywood promotion and production in the 1940s to the priesthood in the 1950s to leadership in the civil rights and peace movements of the 1960s continued his ministries while shifting the focus of his writings somewhat. More than a decade after the release of Take Off the Masks, Malcolm Boyd continues to be a powerful presence in creative religious literature. While serving as writer-priest-inresidence at St. Augustine-by-the-Sea Episcopal Church in Santa Monica, California, he has written poetry and prose that celebrates gay love and spirituality. He has penned meditations integrating gay sexuality with his faith. In his 1986 book Gay Priest: An Inner Journey, for example, he portrays God as The Lover and Christ as The Runner. And he has helped prepare liturgical rituals that minister to the special needs of gay and lesbian Christians, including AIDS masses and "covenants of commitment." • Sources for this article include: Boughner, Terry. Out of All Time: A Gay and Lesbian History. Boston: Alyson, 1988. Cowan, Thomas. Gay Men and Women Who Enriched the World. New Canaan, Conn.: William Mulvey, 1988. Grief, Martin. The Gay Book of Days. Secaucus, N.J.: Lyle Stuart, 1982. Profiles: Men and Women of the Bible. Study Book #1. Nashville, Tenn: Graded Press, 1986. Jerry W. Henry is executive secretary for the FeLLowship of United Methodists in Worship, Music. and Other Arts. He is an ordained elder in the South Carolina Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church and attends Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC , a Reconciling Congregation in Atlanta, Georgia. Bradley Rymph is co-editor ofOpen Hands. He is a member ofChrist UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C. 8 Walking on the Edges An I nterview with Tina Heck Tina Heck is an artist living in the San Francisco Bay area. Recently ordained as a Disciples ofChrist minister, she puts together herfaith and her art through creating art during worship experiences. Asa lesbian artistminister, she walks on the edges ofseveral realms. In this interview with Open Hands, Tina shares what it' s like for her to walk on those edges and how she integrates those realms in her life. How did you come to be involved in the religious arts? I am a visual artist -a painter, illustrator, and graphic artist. When I came into the seminary at Pacific School of Religion to study for my Masters of Divinity degree, I discovered a program for worship and the arts. I immediately got involved and over the past three years have been more intentional about combining my call to ministry and my art. It is not possible to separate them anymore. It's not a common ministry; I'm having to create it as I go along. For example, my ministry is not going to a church and being an artist in residence. Through this process of discovery, I have begun to put art and religion together in unique ways. What are some art projects in which you have been involved? What do they express for you? One project I'm working on right .now is creating art during worship services, as a part of the worship experience. Using not just the traditional Christian symbols, I expand people's awareness. This weekend I was at a conference and did some painting during the worship service. I pushed people's "buttons" because I was using female imagery as God imagery. People were both very excited by it and at the same time disturbed by it. For me, it was a way to take a prophetic stance in a visual form. I'm also working on a mural on women in the church as a part of my thesis project. It's a large portable mural on sections of canvas. This project is exciting because it deals with feminist theology in a way that's visual and not completely academic, the way it's usually been dealt with in religious studies. I also have designed a number of logos in the past few months for different groups and ministries, including AIDS ministries, here in the Bay Area. The elements of visualizing healing, spiritual awareness, the importance of spirit, and bodies are all brought together through such religious art. A creation-centered spirituality comes out of my art. I'm not into drawing chalices or church buildings. My work is more bodycentered. People respond to it, which says to me there is a real need to get new imagery in the religious world. We need to get away from the traditional cross and fish images that we've known for so many years. I have also done flyers and bulletin covers. The bulletin covers for church services are often in a series, expressing a particular theme, like one I did during Lent. Are your projects by commission? For a couple of years getting paid was rare. Much of my art has been something I've been able to give to people as a gift. Now I'm moving into charging a fee for what I do since it's my Open Hands 9 - -""" .-. ............ ...... -, ... -----..... -----.",-.." --., -' ,..~ , ,,, ---. . . , -, -spiritual life or even a healthy emotional life if I was completely isolated from the gay or lesbian Christian community. That would be very difficult. I would not consciously choose to go into that kind of position. I know a lot of people are in that position, and it's very difficult to move out of isolation, I'm aware of that. But I really am thankful for the gay and lesbian community here. It very much sustains me. What barriers have you experienced in your pursuit ofreligious arts? I've met up with some folks who don't think art is valid. I think that just comes from the fact that many people think art is this sideline thing, something you do as a hobby. The secular world is so much more accepting of art as a serious study, as a serious vocation. Especially in studying for the ministry, there's a real expectation to become a mainline minister and preach and teach and do all those things that are very common. Anything that really pushes those boundaries out, people don't know what to do with. For instance, if you write plays and you're a minister, I don't think your congregation is going to understand. That's one way I have met with barriers. I don't fit in anywhere as a religious artist, as a lesbian artist minister. I'm really walking on the edges of a lot ofexpectations, not only as a lesbian but as an artist as well. The other barrier I've run up against is my own expectations, in terms of translating theology into a visual form, into an art form instead of an academic form . That expectation comes from the seminary more than anywhere else. Seminaries are higher education, graduate work. And even if I do all my academic work and do it well, the visual arts do not carry anywhere near the weight that academic work has. It's considered "light-weight" or "artsy-fartsy" or whatever you want to call it. It's definitely not considered as substantial as academic work. That's reflective of our complete overload on "left-brain" learning -words and theories rather than dealing with the experience of the whole person. I think that barrier is everywhere, not just in the church. The exception to that being in the art world, of course, where visual arts are counted as significant. How do you see religious arts moving, changing, growing? For one thing, the arts in the church period, regardless of sexuality, are really just beginning to sprout some new life. It's something that churches are beginning to see is really very much needed. Some churches, more than others, are actively incorporating arts into in their own worship. Art in general, and visual arts especially, are really going to make a big impact in the next 10 years on the life of the church. Music and drama have had their place for years, and awareness of their value as art forms is growing also. Visual arts are coming alive much more. I think churches are hungry for it. Because it's been absent? Exactly. Especially Protestant mainline churches have had a horrendous lack of visual imagery , with the exception of a few banners that we put together. (And half the time those are very embarrassing!) I think artists in the church make up a small group of people who are really committed to making art a dynamic, vital part of the faith community. It's one way gay and lesbian artists can be directly involved in the church in very life-giving, creative ways. That kind of possibility is so hopeful, so dynamic. Art is one avenue among others for gay and lesbian people to be giving of themselves. Doing the kind of art I do can be a risk. Because I'm doing imagery that is radical to many, it disturbs people. And yet, our society is much more tolerant of artists than of preachers. It's a very different thing to do radical imagery as an artist than to get up in a pUlpit and say such radical things. I think art speaks to people on a deeper level. We're so bombarded with words that the visual arts are able to really hit often on a deeper level for people. They can take something in through art that may be just as radical as a sermon, if not more so, but it reaches a different part of them. We assimilate and integrate art and words different ways in our brains. Because of that, I find it exciting the kind of changes in the community that can come through art and the kinds of messages that gay or lesbian artists can bring. TiM Heek is an artist living in the San Francisco Bay area. Havingfinished her Master ofDIvinity Degree at Pacific SchooL ofReligion. she is currentLy working on a M.A . degree in worship and the arts. Open Hands 11 Coming Out: Alone in a closet whose walls are named fear, hate, other; lesbian. Alone in a dark cramped closet, suffocating. To come out requires courage, courage to squeeze through a narrow door. And so you do. Come out fearfully, and go back in. Come out eagerly, with extended hand that's knocked away. Come out tough this time, you'll not get hurt, only to be slammed into the ground. And writhing you crawl back into the closet. Tears. Anger. A gun could easily kill oneself . .. others. No! The gun flung. Damn! Fists slam, and then, open hands. Wonder. Claiming self naming self finding the door. Open hands reach out, reach out to be embraced. -Patricia Broughton 12 Open Hands AStory in Mime Mary Gaddis is thefounder of Women Empowering Women in northern CaLifornia. where she aLso works as a pLumber and pipe fitter. Mary has presented her "coming out" mime and other stories to church audiences around the country. After one such presentation. one observer. Patricia Broughton, wrote the poem that accompanies the photographs. Patricia is a freeLance writer and photographer in Chicago. Open Hands 13 What's in a arne? by Chris Glaser The 1978 General Assembly of the former United Presbyterian Church dealt a decisive blow to the gay and lesbian struggle for ordination. I had figured prominently in the nationwide debate over a controversial task force recommendation that homosexuality should not necessarily bar someone from ordained ministry in the denomination. I had served on that task force as its only penly gay member. During the same time period , I had become national coordinator of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns and had begun directing a ministry reconciling the church and the lesbian/gay community called Lazarus Project. Much of my identity, as perceived by others, was related to my sexuality. A few weeks after the task force recommendation was rejected and a ban on ordination was put in place by that General Assembly, a friend decided I needed to get away and took me to Aspen, Colorado. 14 Open Hands Aspen in the summertime is fresh and green and Eden-like. As I climbed a mountain, I felt my soul undressing, removing layers of identity that hung heavy on iny shoulders. I was no longer gay; I was no longer Presbyterian; I was no longer male. As I unburdened myself of these identities, the elemental parts of myself joined nature around me. I no longer blocked the wind: it seemed to breeze through me. I no longer simply observed the beautiful green of the grass and blue of the sky and grey of the rocks: my eyes were one with them. My soul soared as my body ascended. "What a relief!" I thought. "What a release." And then, as if all of this were not enough, I made a serendipitous discovery. At the top of the mountain that I climbed was a meadow, surrounded by aspens whose fresh leaves flickered in the wind as candle flames in a sanctuary. I laughed aloud, tears of joy sprang from deep within me, and I danced ecstatically. This vision that I was something more than the labels applied to me has stayed me in the most turbulent times of chaos and confrontation. It has also helped me see that others are something more than the labels by which I try to lay hands of understanding on them. Better to reach out with open hands than hands that grasp identities solely, whether the identities are of me or ofothers. And to know that rising above identities and labels leads to a green, wooded meadow restores my soul when I feel that I'm close to burnout. As natio nal coordinator of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns, I received letters from those who similarly did not want to be defined simply by labels, specifically, their sexual orientation. I also occasionally received letters from those whose unmarried status, particular vocation, or inclusion of opposite gender personality traits caused others to suspect or assume they were lesbian or gay. A gay man told me that he was considering marriage so that, when he was divorced, no one would question his sexuality. A nongay woman found herself the object of gossip in her denomination because she attended a largely gay congregation. A nongay unmarried minister described being frequently refused consideration for jobs because he had no "proof' of heterosexuality. Rather than embittering him toward the lesbian/gay movement in the church, this experience had created in him a deep solidarity with us. (Sadly, this isn't always true even for gay and lesbian church workers. Many have kept their distance from the very movement that sacrificially works for their rights in the church!) Perhaps no single group of professional church workers has suffered more suspicion and stereotyping than church artists: organists, choirmasters, liturgical performers, iconographers, and so on. Part of the reason is that it is true that a disproportionate number of gay men and lesbian women are drawn to church careers as well as to creative expressions of their faith. I believe that the attraction to serve the church and the development of aesthetic sensitivity grows out of the experience of being a dispossessed minority within society and the church. This leads to motives for church work ranging from the basic needed for approval to the complex transformation of suffering into beauty. Another reason that lesbians and gay men may choose a ministry in the arts is that it is a form of ministry that does not require ordination, presently forbidden for them in most of Christendom. Less scrutiny of personal lives is involved, and more privacy is possible. This is not to say that a ministry in the arts is a second choice. Rather, it is an option for spreading the gospel as viable as becoming a pastor, yet with a greater guarantee of personal freedom. Despite the sizable lesbian/gay minority, most church artists are not gay or lesbian, and they rightly resent being labeled or imagined to be homosexual because of their vocational choices . Many of their lesbian/gay counterparts resent such labeling, too. I would hope that this would not set church artists over against the movement for lesbian/gay rights in the church. Rather, I would hope these artists would join the unmarried non gay man described earlier. He transformed the pain of discrimination for whom people mistook him to be into solidarity with those who suffer discrimination because of who they are. Like the king of Denmark who wore a yellow star in solidarity with his Jewish subjects when Nazi Germany began its occupation of their country and the persecution of the Jews, so God may be calling church artists to figuratively wear pink triangles to protect those among them who are lesbian or gay. Labels are burdensome, but as Christians we are called to bear one another's burdens. How often I have felt compelled to speak up for lesbian and gay rights in the church when I wished other people in the room would share the burden! As a result, I have been labeled a "militant radical ," a member of "the homosexual lobby," and "an angry young man," when, indeed, my friends regard me as friendly and vulnerable, and my fel low church workers consider me pastoral and patient. Nongay church artists have less to fear than those who are gay or lesbian, though those who speak up for gay rights in the church may do so 'at vocational and personal cost. Lesbian and gay artists must speak up themselves whenever possible , and at least financially support those who sacrifice time and vocation to speak on behalf of their rights. The 'kingdom or commonwealth of God is the, aspen meadow beyond labels and identities where "there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female." It is there waiting for us whenever we need to lay aside our burdensome identities, so that our soul may be restored and our vision and perspective may be renewed. But, even as Jesus took on his identity as a first-century Palestinian Jew to do his ministry, so we are called to our ministries within our several identities. Part of that ministry, I believe, is leading others in our communal ascent above labels to enjoy ourselves and one another as children of God's creation. • Chris Glaser is the author ofUncommon Calling: A Gay Man's Struggle to Serve the Church (Harper & Row, 1988). He is a member of United University Church in Los AngeLes, a federated United Methodist-Presbyterian congregation. It is both a Reconciling Congregation and a More Light Church. A Prayer for Martin Luther King, Jr./s Birthday God of aII colors: the one who made me want to speak and to write with quiet, eloquent significance, was black. Yet, though principal of my high school, his family was not allowed to buy a home in our neighborhood . God, forgive us. God, deliver us. For we have accepted the gifts of many while rejecting their body-selves because of color, gender, age, disability, sexual orientation, appearance. Help us to realize if the gifts are beautiful, so are they. Help us to celebrate others' value by their fruits not the shape of the trees. -Chris Glaser Reprinted from "A More Light Prayer Book," More Light Update, the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns, January 1989. Open Hands 15 Meditations on God by Susan Echo I. God is a woman who sings the blues and it ain't My Man Done Got Away. God is in the body of a woman or child beaten with a stick or a fist. It ain't got to do just with the body, or sprinkling the water, or bread. The body is an altar upon which we no longer sacrifice. Hey You There! Take off your shoes And ask the spi rit if it's okay for you to visit this particular temple, and at this particular time. Or wash your feet and come back later, when the table is set for you. Or not at all. Don't desecrate my temples, my calves, my palms. My navel, my nipples, my ear lobes, my pudenda, or that sensitive corner in the small of my back. II. God is a magpie whose airborne, wings beat and punctuate the wind like a semaphore code which we have yet to crack. God's eternal laugh floods the universe, is picked up by mechanical sensors and is mistaken for the Big Bang. But God keeps on laughin. God plays the blues and caresses his horn like a Louie Armstrong who doesn't sweat and trumpets his love around the universe wrapping it in a string of so many notes like stars. III. She's sneaking out back' the house down by the creek hidin' behind the broken-open cattails for cover, Singin for all Her people, cryin that they are starvin with hungry bellies, are bruised with the leprosy of a hated disease, are driven away by the people they love, cryin cause they can't tell even thei r best friend the name of the person whom they really love, are disinherited from their roots, their pasts, their families, their very lives. Minds torched by Gaslights, they are alone. All alone. 16 Open Hands IV. They are gagged and fettered against god's house, and barred from uttering the words, from issuing forth the chalice and the bread to those who need to drink from the hands of their own apostolic procession to be reconciled and made whole. The blood in the church is from the fists pounding at the door, not from the lamb on the altar, or the overturned cup. Not the sacrificial lamb on the door jam. Those not in the sanctuary are not passed over . -;:;.....V9"..:.c.(but are victim to the falloutbullets, bombs, napalm, deportation and death, or else the white ashes of our only eons reigning from the sky.) It is the oil of their hands on the door jam ~;;;J that lubricates the hinges for those who hold the keys. V. God-dess is clearing her throat bout ready to give us all a piece of her mind 'Bout how we spoil her planet, not just by spittin on the sidewalks (which don't 'xactly amuse her), but by these eternal erections, these unholy chemical combustions, these super-instant destructo machines, these lazer reflective panels in her heavenly spheres, from cannons to mustard gas, to the Trident to the neutron bomb, from (whose Empire anyway?) State Building to the futuristic obsceni~ies of Three Mile Islands. VI. If God were to tal k, what would she say about sex? or How would she sing that song? (Shug Avery seems to be our only contemporary clue ....) I don't think she'd sing it to us 'bout steamrollers, babe "roll on over you." If she were a dyke like me she'd sing it sweet and soft with lips puckered like a kiss to the wind to those of declining body seeking haven and rest in a home where they won't be invisible or mistaken for someone else, to those who are victims of others who lash out in their own internalized insidious self-loathing, to those who have answered the call but aren't allowed in the door who are not able to touch the altar, to those who hide and clothe their most profound love/communion for fear of losing their sources of survival in the world, to those broken in spirit who lost the string leading back to the labyrinth of love. Susan Echo lives and writes in Denver and currently serves on the Coordinating Council of the United Church Coalition f or Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Her poetry has been published in WomanSpirit and Women Energy. Open Hands 17 - --------~------------------~-------------------RESOURCE Art & Religion -General Bryans, Nena. Full Circle: A Proposal to the Church for an Arts Ministry. San Carlos, Calif.: Schuyler Institute for Worship and the Arts, 1988. L'Engle, Madeleine. Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art. Wheaton, Ill. : Shaw Publications, 1980. Yates, Wilson . The Arts in Theological Education: New Possibilities for Integration. Decatur, Ga.: Scholars Press, 1988. Bryans and Yates each argue that the arts are essential to the church's effective performance of its ministries. Each book offers models for integrating the arts into the church's life. L'Engle explores the creative/spiritual process from a writer's point of view. Clowning, Mime, & Religion Kipnis, Claude. The Mime Book. New York: Harper and Row, 1974. Robertson, Everett. The Ministry of Clowning. Nashville: Broadman, 1983. Shaffer, Floyd. If I Were a Clown. Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1984. Shaffer presents a theological basis for clowning, while Robertson offers a good "how-to" book on clowning in worship. Kipnis's book, though not specifically religious in focus, is a classic work on mime. Dance & Religion Daniels, Marilyn. The Dance in Christianity. Ramsey, N.J.: Paulist Press, 1981. Gagne, Ronald; Kane, Thomas; and VerEecke, Robert, eds. Introducing Dance in Christian Worship. Washington, D.C.: Pastoral Press, 1984. Rock, Judith. Performer as Priest and Prophet: Worship in Music and Dance. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1988. Three good, historical overviews of the use of dance in Christian worship. Music & Religion Johnson, Lawrence J. The Mystery of Faith: The Ministers of Music. Washington, D.C.: Pastoral Press, 1983. Pastoral Music. Bimonthly journal of the National Association of Pastoral Musicians, Washington, D.C. Johnson explores the varying roles of music in worship, using history, liturgical documentation, and reflection. Pastoral Music contains essays and reviews about the use of music in worship. Visual Art & Religion Adams, Doug, and Apostolos-Cappadona, Diane, eds. Art as Religious Studies. New York: Crossroad, 1987. Apostolos-Cappadona, Diane, ed. Art, Creativity, and the Sacred: An Anthology in Religion and Art. New York: Crossroad, 1983. Dillenberger, Jane. Style and Content in Christian Art. New York: Crossroad, 1986. Dillenberger, John. The Visual Arts and Christianity in America: From the Colonial Period to the Present. rev., enl. ed. New York: Crossroad, 1988. Tina Heck says that the first two of these books "reflect a lot on different kinds of perspectives people have in t rms of art and religion and how they meet, where they connect." The Dillenberger books are well-regarded scholarly works on Christian art. Jane Dillenberger is an art historian at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley, California, while John is a theologian there. Gay Men & Lesbians in the Religious Arts Boughner, Terry. Out of All Time: A Gay and Lesbian History. Boston: Alyson, 1988. Cowan, Thomas. Gay Men and Women Who Enriched the World. New Canaan, Conn.: William Mulvey , 1988. Rowse, A. L. Homosexuals in History: Ambivalence in Society, Literature and the Arts. New York: Macmillan, 1977. These books explore the contributions that gay men and lesbians have made to society, the arts, and religion over the centuries. Boughner and Cowan present selected personality profiles, including such creative geniuses as Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, and Benjamin Britten. Also included among the many profiles are King James I of England and Scotland, who commissioned the translation of the Bible that commonly bears his name, and Erasmus, a medieval Bible translator and scholar. Oxford historian Rowse explores various historical ages and the contributions that different gay men made to their respective societies. Women & the Arts Hedges, Elaine, and Wendt, Ingrid, eds .. In Her Own Image: Women Working in the Arts. New York: Feminist Press, 1980. Nochlin, Linda. Women, Art, and Power and Other Essays. New York: Harper and Row, 1988. Hedges and Wendt present an interesting anthology of essays about women in the arts, both historical and contemporary, and about the significance of women's art as a force for social change. They also include illustrations and examples of visual and literary works of art by various women. Nochlin offers seven essays on different women artists and on women in art history. Inclusive Worship Resources The following books contain musical or liturgical material that can be useful to any congregation attempting to design its worship life to include persons (such as lesbians and gay men) who can feel excluded by the language and imagery of traditional worship resources: Duck, Ruth C. Bread for the Journey: Resources for Worship. New York: Pilgrim, 1981. Flames of the Spirit: Resources for Worship. New York: Pilgrim, 1985. Inclusive-language liturgical resources. Duck, Ruth c. , and Bausch, Michael G., eds. Everftowing Streams: Songs for Worship. New York: Pilgrim, 1981. Excellent collection of new hymns and inclusive-language modifications of old favorites. A particular favorite in Affirmation circles. Huber, Jane Parker. A Singing Faith. Philadelphia: Westminster, 1987. All new lyrics set to familiar hymn tunes. Ruether, Rosemary Radford . Women-Church: Theology and Practice. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1985. Both a theological discussion of feminist liturgy and a collection of rituals for a variety of occasions. Includes "Coming-Out Rite for a Lesbian" and "Covenant Celebration for a Lesbian Couple." Winter, Miriam Therese. WomanPrayer / WomanSong: Resources for Ritual. Oak Park, Ill.: Meyer Stone Books, 1987. New music and liturgy from a feminist Catholic perspective. Several of these resources were suggested by J. Bruce Stewart. director of the Center for Liturgy and the Arts, Annandale. Virginia. 18 Open Hands Ours the Journey Julian B. Rush f 3 r r 1. In the midst of new di -men-sions, In the face of chang-ing ways, 2. Thru the flood of starv -ing peo -pIes, war -ring fac -tions and des -pair, 3. Thru the years of hu -man strug -gle, walk a peo -pie long des -pised, 4. We are Black and we are A -sian, In -di -an, His pan -ic, White, 5. We are man and we are wo -man, all per -sua -sions, old and young, 6. Should the threats of dark pre -dic -tions cause us to with -draw in pain, ~ B r: r~r f & Who will lead the pil -grim peo -pies wan -der -ing their sep -arate ways? Who will lift the o -live bran -ches? Who will light the flame of care? Gays and les -bi -ans to -geth -er fight -ing to be re -al ized. We a rain -bow co -a -Ii -tion, all of va -lue In thy sight. Each a gift in thy cre -a -tions, each a love song to be sung. May thy bla -zing phoe -nix spir -it res -ur -rect the church a gain. God of rain -bow, fier Y pil -lar, lead -ing where the ea -gles soar, We, thy peo -pie, ours the jour -ney now and e -ver, now and e -ver, now and e -ver -more. © 1985 Julian B. Rush All Rights Reserved International Copyright Secured Printed in U.S.A. Open Hands 19 by Dale McCurdy When I was in high school in the late 1960s and active in what was then the Methodist Youth Fellowship, I knew that I was called to work in the church. I wasn't able to ascertain what shape that calling would take until my late twenties when I entered full -time church work in the United Methodist Church after several years of teaching and professional singing. At the large church where I served as full-time director of music, I was able to create a vital and active music ministry. This gave me great personal satisfaction and touched the minds and hearts of many children, youth, and adults in the congregation. I was a consecrated diaconal minister and had been working at this church ten years when it became apparent to me that my goals for ministry in that particular congregation had been reached. I knew it was time to set my sights on different targets and "write a new chapter" in my life and ministry. After months of networking, resume writing, and applying for new positions, I discovered ajob which looked attractive at a church of another denomination over 2,000 miles from the church I had been serving. I was invited to an interview where the pastor and layperson who was chair of the search committee talked specifics of a job offer with me. We discussed salary (a very nice increase, for which I 20 Open Hands was grateful), benefits, generous moving expenses, and the date when I would first conduct the music at the new church. I obviously had the strengths, skills, and commitment which the church required in a music director. I knew that under my direction the music ministry at that church could grow and that a new era could begin for them. I had additional expertise in church growth and evangelism which was needed by the congregation. For the preceding two years, I had been on a spiritual journey which led me to believe that I might benefit from the more evangelicallinward-centered faith the new church espoused. I felt that I would be able to grow and learn from being a part of their tradition, and they from me with my peculiarly United Methodist understanding that "the world is our parish. " A few days later I received a formal confirmation of the job offer. I remember the exact words of the committee chair during that late night call and my feeling of excitement when he said, "Dale, will you come to our community and serve as director of music at First Church?" I replied that I would be delighted. The following day I resigned my position at the church which had nurtured me, and where I had gone thro~gh so much of my faith journey. The outpouring of love, joy for me in my new adventure, and gratitude for my ministry at the church was overwhelming. I arranged for housing in the new community, and looked forward to an exciting new ministry. The next week I received a telephone call from the new church. The pastor said, that since they had suspected that I was a gay person, they were rescinding the call to ministry. His exact words were, "You need to know that our denomination and our local church feel that gay people are not appropriate in ministry." I felt betrayed, hurt, and angry . I was denied the opportunity to serve a church where my talents could have been used in a dramatic new way. Not only was I left adrift without a ministry, but with a lease signed in a new community where I knew no one. The church even wrote me a form letter thanking me for my interest in the position as if I had not received a call to serve that congregation and as if I were merely one of many applicants. Iquickly sought out a new church home in my new community, which turned out to be a United Methodist Reconciling Congregation, Wallingford UMC in Seattle. Here I felt care, concern, and inclusion in contrast to the rejection and hatred evidenced by the other congregation. At this congregation's worship, I learned that I am not alone in feeling called to do the work of the church, and that there is a growing movement afoot to spend more time in the church including people rather than excluding people. Through the kindness of people in the new community, I was put in touch with a Lutheran congregation where I now serve as part-time director of music. I was encouraged to find another congregation, one which reacted to me as a person in a much more Christlike fashion. Not all who call themselves Christians are prisoners of their own fear. I am not serving a church full-time but am taking this opportunity to evaluate my calling and see where I perceive that God needs me to serve. Paradoxically, the church which was so concerned about my sexuality has had a part in creating a person who is even more committed to resisting injustice, ignorance, and hatred, What I have learned is that God calls each of us to service of one kind or another. Being · embraced in the loving nature of God, I feel even more powerfully the words of Paul, "Neither powers nor principalities nor ... can separate me from the love of God." Sadly, my experience is not uncommon. Many other lesbian and gay people strive to live out their calling to celebrate the religious arts within church communities and are pushed away. How do we deal with this fear on the part of the church and its people? One way, I believe, is to continue to claim the church as our own . We refuse to let others define ourselves or our ministry. The church belongs to all of us, and, in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., "Until we are all free, none of us is free." Another road we can choose to travel is one of mutual support with other gay/ lesbian people and non-gay/lesbian people whose visions of the church are inclusive. I personally have felt the support of many friends. lowe a great debt especially to those with whom I shared many hours in a support group. I jealously guard a regular time of prayer, reading, and reflection to enable me to remain faithful. I thank God for writers like Chris Glaser (Uncommon Calling) and Brian McNaught (On Being Gay) who helped me affinn my calling as a gay person through their impassioned writing. One effective way I have found as a gay Christian to empower myself is to be constantly aware of opportunities to share my witness with others. While we remain nameless, it is easy for the church to be condemnatory. When we come out to others in love, however, we can celebrate an important victory. We enable others as members of the body of Christ to be true to the gospel as proclaimed for ALL people. In the final analysis, however, the approval of a committee, the General Conference, the bishop, or the pope is not necessary for our affinnation. The right to claim Christ as our Savior belongs to each man and woman as a child of God. • Dale McCurdy servedfor 10 years as diaconaL ministerofmusicatCommunity UMC. NaperviLLe. ILLinois. Easter Processional By John S. Rice CHRIST THE LORD IS RISEN TODAY, ALLELUIA! How can I sing your song in a strange land? SONS OF lvfEN AND ANGELS SAY, ALLELUIA! Where the words and the rules exclude me, RAISE YOUR JOYS AND TRIUMPHS HIGH, ALLELUIA! And where your Church won't accept me? SING YE HEAVENS, AND EARTH REPLY, ALLELUIA! Deliver me, 0 God, from these, my excuses for not singing. LIVES AGAIN OUR GLORIOUS KING, ALLELUIA! Explode my understanding, 0 God, WHERE, 0 DEATH, IS NOW THY STING? ALLELUIA! Until my words can't contain your inclusive love, ONCE HE DIED, OUR SOULS TO SAVE, ALLELUIA! Until my fear won't silence my witness, WHERE'S THY VICTORY, BOASTING GRAVE? ALLELUIA! Until even death is trusted to be always in your care. LOVE'S REDEEMING WORK IS DONE, ALLELUIA! Continue in me your work of redemption FOUGHT THE FIGHT, THE BATILE WON, ALLELUIA! That by your constant nurture and gentle care DEATH IN VAIN FORBIDS HIM RISE, ALLELUIA! My life may be a sign that all of stubborn creation CHRIST HATH OPENED PARADISE, ALLELUIA! Is being made new and whole. SOAR WE NOW WHERE CHRIST HAS LED, ALLELUIA! Rearrange my secret words of sorrow and fear FOLLOWING OUR EXALTED HEAD, ALLELUIA! Into lusty songs ofIOvingkindness and joy; MADE LIKE HIM, LIKE HIM WE RISE, ALLELUIA! Pry my fingers loose from their enduring excuses OURS THE CROSS, THE GRAVE, THE SKIES, ALLELUIA! That they may hug, heal, and perhaps play castanets. John S. Rice is director of Worship Works. a nationaL worship resource network. Open Hands 21 ~I----_RC -«.J _ P RE_POR_T-_ about 200 in the mid-1970s. The past few years have brought slow but steady growth, with a current membership of 235. Euclid's focus of ministry falls into two primary arenas. Its "church and world concerns" ministry has addressed a variety of concerns locally , nationally, and globally. As one sign of its growth and commitment, the congregation's budget for church and world concerns has increased from $3,000 to $24,000 over the past five years. The ministry of education is also an important part of the Euclid community. The Christian education program ad- A IDS ministries A Resource for Christian Education and Study Sexuality and spirituality Welcome to New Reconciling Congregations Euclid UM C (Oak Park, Illinois) Euclid UMC is an active and growing congregation in Oak Park, a multiethnic suburb of Chicago. The congregation was founded in 1898 and is one of five United Methodist churches in Oak Park. Like many other churches, Euclid suffered a significant decline in the 1960s, dropping to a membership of Homophobia in the church Sexual ethics ~ Every issue focuses on a particular theme related to m inistry with lesbians and gay men. ~ Every issue provides thought-provoking and discussion-generating a.rticles which probe the breadth of the particular theme. ~ Every issue also provides suggested resources for further study. ~ Used in both adult and youth settings. ISSUES AVAILABLE: o "Be Ye Reconciled" (Summer 1985) o "A Matter ofJustice" (Winter 1986) o "Our Families" (Spring 1986) o "Our Churches' Policies" (Summer 1986) o "Images of Healing" (Fall 1986) o "Homophobia and the Church" (Winter 1987) o "Minorities within a Minority" (Spring 1987) Single issue: $5 o "An Emerging Community" (Summer 1987) o "Sexual Violence" (Fall 1987) o "Spirituality and Sexuality" (Winter 1988) o "Building Reconciling Ministries" (Spring 1988) o "AIDS and the Church" (Summer 1988) o "Raising Reconciling Children" (Fall 1988) o "Sexual Ethics" (Winter 1989) 10+ copies: $3 each Single copies available for review at no charge. Annual subscription (four issues): $16 Please prepay your order with 15% postage and handling to: Open Hands. P.O. Box 2.3636. Washington. DC 20026. For information. write or call 202/863-1586. 22 Open Hands dresses the needs of the full congregation from young children to older adults. The process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation began at Euclid about 18 months ago. As part of this process, discussion was held in every committee, in adult Christian education classes, and in special forums. Concerns about being a Reconciling Congregation were addressed in newsletter articles and a congregational survey. One of the key struggles was with the meaning of being a "reconciling" community rather than just an "open" community (the former signifying taking a proactive, inviting stance). Euclid's decision to become a Reconciling Congregation is a part of its ongoing commitment to a church inclusive of all of God's people. Walker Community UMC (Minneapolis, Minnesota) Walker Community UMC is an inner-city church that has gone through a transformation process during the past 20 years. The community has been a center for community organizing efforts since the late 1960s. Ministries have included addressing housing and education needs and providing alternative institutions to serve the community. Fresh Air Community Radio found its home in the congregation's building. The Southside Family School has evolved out of years of struggle for change within the public school system. Several community theaters, including Heart of the Beast Puppet and Mask Theatre, began on stage in Walker's facilities. The current congregation has its roots in these new community-based institutions. Walker Community is a small congregation, recovering in many senses. The congregation has grown to 111 members from a low of 42 in the mid1970s. Spiritual recovery and growth are common themes for community members with small groups, workshops, and retreats available for such experiences. In 1983, Walker became a public sanctuary for refugees from EI Salvador and Guatemala; two Guatemalan refRe p REPORT ugees have found safe haven in this community. The decision to become a Reconciling Congregation was more a matter of recognizing what has been the stance of this church for many years. Now in its second century, Walker hopes to be a beacon of light welcoming people of all faiths into a community of nurture and growth -"we sing the songs of all people as we honor the Source of Life. " * * * With the addition of Euclid and Walker Community, there are now 38 Reconciling Congregations across the country. Thanks be to God! "Renewing Our Vision: Parables of Hospitality, Healing, and Hope" To Be Convocation Theme Plans for the second national gathering of Reconciling Congregations were ironed out by the RCP Advisory Committee at its recent meeting. Set for February 16-18, 1990, the convocation program will focus on grounding our reconciling movement in our biblical witness. The program will include group Bible study, workshops on local church ministries, several worship celebrations, and a festive banquet on Saturday night. The convocation will be held at the Fort Mason Conference Center on the historic San Francisco waterfront. Fort Mason is a federal park overlooking the San Francisco Bay, a short walk from Fisherman's Wharf. The weekend will also include special programs for junior and senior high youth participants. One highlight of · the weekend is sure to be the Saturday night celebration. Julian Rush (pastor of St. Paul's UMC, Denver, director of Colorado AIDS Project, and accomplished composer) is writing and directing a musical/dramatic performance for an ad hoc group of "RC Players." The convocation is intended primarily for representatives from Reconciling Congregations but will also be open to a limited number of other persons -members of prospective Reconciling Congregations, representatives from other denominations, national church staff, and other interested individuals. So begin thinking about whether you would like to be a participant in this historic and spirit-filled gathering. The registration fee of $100 for the first representative of a Reconciling Congregation, $75 for each additional RC representative, and $150 for participants not from Reconciling Congregations will include all meals and participation in all convocation activities. A convocation brochure and registration information will be available in the early fall of 1989. Watch future issues of Open Hands for further information and plan to be in San Francisco in February! Future Issues of Open Hands The upcoming issues of Open Hands will be: Summer '89 Closetedness and the Church Fall '89 Family-Related Concerns Winter '90 Interfaith Lesbian/Gay Movement Spring '90 Addiction! Co-dependency Summer '90 Celebrating Reconciling Congregations Fall '90 Toward a Gay/Lesbian Theology Winter '91 Adolescents and Homosexuality If you are interested in writing for one of these issues of Open Hands or could recommend someone else as a possible writer, write to the Open Hands staff at P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. A path to greater understanding ... And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on the Church and Homosexuality This booklet's gentle, personto-person approach is a perfect starting place for congregations or individuals dealing with questions about homosexuality: ~ How do people be<.:ome homosexuall ~ What does the Bible say about homosexuality'~ ~ What's it like to be gay or lesbian in the <.:hur<.:h today'~ "For all who feel the pain ofour times, this much-needed booklet identifies a path to greater love and understanding." -C. Dale White, bishop, New York Area, UMC Written by Ann Thompson Cook, 1988. 20 PI'. Published by the Dumbarton UMC Task For<.:e on Reconciliation; distributed by the Reconciling Congregation Program. $4.95 per <.:opy $3.00 for bulk orders (10 or more) Please prepay your order with 15% postage and handling to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. Open Hands 23 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 4 No 4 - Created to Create: Lesbian and Gay Men in the Religious Arts https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/208c57c40b8a8c2620107cfd19d130ce.pdf a09c6af64d0d5ec7f29b8e25d7c7a920 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 4 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1989 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document U l s y our heart true to my heart as mine is to yours? .. /f it is, give me y our hand (( 2 Kings 10: 15 PCl9f 4 Winter 1989 Vol. 4 e No.3 Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program Myths of Mono9anl)' by Rebecca PaT~ PCl9f 7 Lesbian & Gay Mafe Perspectives by Mary E. Hunt & Morris L. Royc! PCl9es 10 13 Vol. 4· No. 3· Winter 1989 O pen Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials , including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling congregation~ Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Joanne Brown J. Benjamin Roe Typesetting and Graphic Design Linda Coffin Leanne Poteet Note to advertisers: Beginning with the Summer 1989 issue, Open Hands will accept paid advertising. For rate information, write to Open Hands or call : 202/8631586. Open Hands (formerly Manna for the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the U.S.A.!. Single copies are available for $4 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Repri nts of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: Open H.mds P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Copyright 1989 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Member of The Associated Church Press. ISSN 0888-8833 Open Hands Contents 3 4 7 10 11 14 15 19 20 22 Introduci.f19 Tliis Issue Joanne Brown andJ. Benjamin Roe ~"aCi:9' andsalvation TexSampfe Myths ofMono9anry Rebecca Parker sexual Ethics: A Lesbian Perspective Mary E. Hunt sexual Ethics: A Gay Mafe Perspective Morris L. Ffoyd SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT IfLitany ofSupportive Communi1J" Joanne Brown PERSONAL REFLECTIONS IfStrivi"9 Towardwhofemss" Peggy R. Gayford IfRiski"9 Intimacy" Jan Orson IfDevelopi"9 the Christ W ithin" Rafpft Wi[[iams RESOURCES SPECIAL REPORT Cfotu( ofWitnesses: Tlie 32nd General Councif of the United Church ofcanada barb m. janes RCPREPORT NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Les6ians and Gay Men in the ReCi9ious A rts 2 · Th· I I ntroduClng IS ssue Sexual ethics: a tremendously complex topic and, for Christians, one interrelated to every other aspect of faith -how we look at God and creation, Christ and salvation, forgiveness, justice, and human nature. As theologian James Nelson argues, it is a twoway street: how we understand God influences the way we understand human sexuality, and our experience of sexuality influences our understanding of God and Christ. I Sexual ethics is a multifaceted subject, difficult to do justice to in 24 pages. Nevertheless , it demands examination. Serious reflection on sexual ethics inclusive of the experience and faith of lesbians and gay men has often been muted or missing. Indeed, serious reflection on sexual ethics of any sort is too often avoided by or kept from concerned Christians, both laity and clergy. Sexual ethics is also an intimidating topic. Part of the reason may be that it attempts to deal with head, heart, and self, as well as principles and values. In addition, sexual ethics is often seen too narrowly, as a list of "do's" and "don'ts" handed down without consideration, that reflect only sexual morality or sexual mores isolated from the rest of theology. Discussion of sexual ethics too often centers on the acts done by, to, and with certain organs and too often ignores the context of the acts in the relationship between the persons. The subject is too often divorced from knowledge of the complexity of human sexuality as it is experienced by real human beings in "the real world." In a book on philosophical ethics, William Frankena writes, "Very often when one is puzzled about what he[/she] or someone else should do in a certain situation, what one needs is not really any ethical instruction, but simply either more factual knowledge or greater conceptual clarity.,,2 Indeed, the first step in most decision-making processes, once a problem is clarified, is information gathering. We suspect that most denominations are where they are in discussions of homosexuality partly because of a general lack of knowledge of human sexuality itself and partly because of the ways that sexual behavior is fragmented from its sources: individual meanings, personality and sexual identity issues, relationship dynamics. Another factor not often overtly acknowledged in denominational debates is developmental: different persons are at different stages of their personal, faith, and moral development. One significant consequence is that people use different methods and reach different conclusions because of their different developmental stages. And these stages usually do not make much sense to those who have not yet experienced them. Each person's unique set of experiences of sexuality influences his or her ethical stances and conclusions to a profound degree. Mix this with dynamics of the stages of personality development, and sexuality becomes very complex indeed. For instance, according to some personality theories, unconscious "defense mechanisms" (like repression or projection) operate so strongly that it becomes nearly impossible to deal with some sexuality (and other) issues, most especially those tied painfully and sometimes unconsciously to one's experiences. People who have experienced the effects of gender-role stereotyping, homophobia, or traumatic events such as sexual abuse will be shaped by those experiences. This will be expressed in their ethical stances. This issue of Open Hands is presented in the hope that it encourages consideration of an approach to sexual ethics that is informed by the broader per- Joanne Brown J. Benjamin Roe spective of faith, an appreciation of sexuality as a basic part of identity and personality, and a more general context of justice and social concern issues. Sexual ethics is approached here from a holistic perspective, not concentrating just on gay/lesbian/bisexual issues but using them as illustrative of sexuality in a broader context. As persons of faith, we are responsible for our individual actions, and we cannot escape this responsibility simply by appealing to, or relying on, statements from academic or clergy sources. Taking responsibility for developing our own sets of ethical principles can be scary and difficult, but it can also be liberating. It involves struggle with developing the strength, the principles, and the courage to claim one's own power to be a "responsible self' in one's sexual life. Ultimately, of course, coming to a sense of one's own independently chosen ethic is an important step along the journey for all people of faith. It will not be the same for everyone; we each have our own appropriate time line of development. The various writers in this issue outline ways that they and others have struggled, reflected, chosen, acted. We hope their sharing can serve to stimulate your own reflection and sharing .• Notes 1. James Nelson, Embodiment: An Approach to SexuaLity and Christian Theology (Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1978), p. 14-15. 2. William Frankena, Ethics (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, 1963), p. II. Joanne Brown is professor of church history and ecumenics at SI. Andrews College in Saska(()vll. Saskatchewan . J. Benjamin Roe is a United Methodist minister and pastoral psychotherapist living in Denver. Open Hands 3 sexuaCii)' and Saevation 6y Tex SampCe I f one were to ask the "average Christian" today how sexuality relates to salvation, the questioner might be met with a blank stare. If a response was forthcoming, it might be that to be "saved" a person must limit him-or herself to monogamous sex inside of legally recognized male/female marriage. Another, slightly different response might be that, if a person is saved , he or she will abstain from all sexual behavior outside traditional moral bounds. With either answer, salvation would be linked with traditionally perceived moral law. This is unfortunate. Not because sexuality and salvation have nothing to do with each other, for they are deeply related. But because the word salvation, as it is frequently used today, has lost so much of its biblical meaning. In both Old and New Testament times, salvation was closely related to liberation, not to legalism. Once this is understood, it is possible to see more clearly what salvation means today with regard to human sexuality. Salvation In the Hebrew scriptures, the word for salvation connotes "broadening" or "enlarging." It has the sense of roominess, of a wide and open space in which life in community can occur. Such "space" usually comes with God's help (Ex. 14: 13-14, 30; 15:2; 1 Sam. 7:8; 2 Sam. 22:28; 1 Chron. 16:35). To save, then, is to recover spaciousness, prosperity, well being, freedom. Salvation also takes on the meaning of deliverance in that God delivers people from conflict, oppression, and want (Ex. 3; Isa. 49:25-26, 52:6-10, 55:1-5; Jer. 31:31-34; Eze. 36:22-32, 37:23-28). The reign of God as such is not an Old Testament teaching; nevertheless, the rule of God is the purpose of such deliverance. Salvation, thus, has a profound liberative sense. In the New Testament, the Greek root meaning of salvation is to "rescue" or "save," and, in the synoptic teachings of Jesus, salvation is the end-time rule of God. Indeed, in Jesus the reign of God has come, and Jesus is the foretaste of its fulfillment. He rescues and saves. The gospels are replete with stories of Jesus' deliverance of people from all kinds of bondage physical, spiritual, psychic, demonic , and cosmic -to health and wholeness (Mk. 1:40-45; Lk. 7:50; In. 12:3-7). Salvation is being restored to fullness of life in relationship to God, to self, to others, and to the world. The death and resurrection of Jesus are central to understanding salvation in the New Testament. In his death, Jesus is the gift of God's reconciliation, bringing regeneration and new relationship to God. In Jesus' death and resurrection, the whole world has been saved and has also been delivered from the wrath and judgment yet to come (I Thess. 1 :9-10). The biblical concept of salvation thus involves a highly specialized understanding of history. With the coming of Christ Open Hands also comes the establishment of God's eschatological reign and the advent of a new age. Humanity now lives "between the times" of Christ's coming and of the fulfillment of the creation. This is a time to cast out demons, to proclaim salvation, to live faithfully in caring community, and to reach out in acts of justice and service to the world God loves. Salvation, therefore, has a past, present, and future sense. In that Christ has come, the world has been saved; as the Spirit abides in the world, the world is being saved; and, as the world awaits its final consummation, the world will be saved. This biblical view of salvation has at least two implications for understanding how salvation relates to human behavior, including sexuality: (a) meaning and significance are given to the concrete work we do in the present; and (b) liberative and salvific events occur here and now, and we participate in them. When we work towards the liberation of ourselves and others from modem slaveries, we become part of God's ongoing process of salvation. Moreover, salvation in the New Testament encompasses the whole cosmos. It is not merely individualistic; rather, the whole creation groans in travail in anticipation of ultimate completion. The affirmation of Ephesians is that all things, things in heaven and things on earth, shall be made one in Christ. In John's gospel, the world is a place of bondage, illusion, and death to which Christ as savior offers freedom, truth, and life eternal, because, despite the world's terribly mixed state, it is the world that God loves. Thus, a biblically informed view of salvation means spaciousness, freedom, deliverance, liberation, the establishment of a new age in which we are free to respond to an emancipative God in a history that has meaning and purpose and which is not lost in futility, emptiness, bondage, and death. Salvation means health and wholeness and concerns both nature and history, earthly and cosmic reality in an ongoing process, the end of which is the consummation of the whole creation. I I 4 Sexuality As we relate this biblical view of salvation to our experience of sexuality, we note, first of all, that some aspects of our sexual experience cry out for salvation. In fact, I suggest three historical phenomena that enslave, rather than liberate, our sexuality. Sexism One enslavement of sexuality is sexism. Beverly Harrison has argued, rightly, that "social control of women as a group has totally shaped our deepest and most basic attitudes toward sexuality.,,2 The enormity of the impact of sex-role socialization on male and female, the con strictures of the economy and the political order, the deep-rooted cultural definitions and structuring of gender life, the often hidden violence and coercive psychological control, the rampantly increasing relation of women and poverty, the dependence on men for financial and social security: all these and more sketch the outlines of sexism and its pervasive control and degradation. As the result of sexism, sexuality's varied meanings are twisted and contorted in subterfuge, coercive control, and systemic manipulation. The rich potential for an authentic human sexuality is stifled with oppressive ideology, power inequities, and intimacy avoidance. Male sexual expression is too exclusively genital and otherwise detached, and intimacy is among the first victims. For women, their sexuality and its distinctive manifestations are buried in a hegemony that renders all sexuality as male sexuality (and that in a tradition of hostility and control). H eterosexism A second form of enslavement -compulsory heterosexuality -is perhaps the most powerful and deeply embedded systemic constraint on human sexuality. Institutionalized, it is a highly sanctioned power order replete with penalties, legal and informal, that are so pervasive that they are a form of oppression. For millions of lesbians and gay men, heterosexism means "life in the closet" and the burden of living a double life. For those who "come out," heterosexism can mean a continuing maze of blocked pathways, economic and otherwise. To be gay or lesbian too often means to inhabit a world of pain caused by stifled opportunities, sundered relationships, and obstruction of the human capacity to be, to become, and to belong. Heterosexism's relationship to sexism and misogyny seems clear. James Nelson maintains that homophobia is directed toward both men and women in our culture, but "clearly the stronger [fears] are directed by males toward male homosexuality." He suggests reasons for why this is so: (a) A gay man embodies to a heterosexual man the symbol of a woman because the submission of a male to be penetrated and to be the passive partner is to submit to womanization. (b) A gay man has the "capacity to view me [another man] not primarily as a person, but rather as a sex object, a desired body,,3 -the way straight men typically regard women. This often unconscious dynamic, which places males in the role of sex objects as women are, is psychically threatening. (c) The socialization of men to relate to equals (i.e., other men) competitively is threatened by gay men because they express affection and love to other men and thereby represent and symbolize what is prohibited for those who are heterosexual.4 In the situation of lesbians, Mary Daly, among others, has pointed out that they are viewed with such fear because they are "undomesticated," no longer under the rule of the father, no longer under the control of men. 5 Related to this are Adrienne Rich's view that men basically fear the indifference of women to them6 and James Nelson's point that men have "performance anxiety," living always with the threat of impotence. Each explanation suggests a male temptation to express a deep. irrational hostility toward one perceived as indifferent who symbolizes performance failure. Lesbians, in a heterosexist world, can readily be made symbolic targets of repressed and projected fear and hostility. Hostility Finally, sexuality is enslaved by hostility. Alfred Kinsey's report in 1948 observed that the physiological pattern most closely parallel to male sexual excitement was anger. Studies now indicate that anger and hostility are pervasive in male sexual excitement. 7 The history of this hostility is his story. Having grown up in a "stud culture," my mind is littered with comments about sexual intercourse that almost without exception involve the defilement, humiliation, and debasement of women. Nancy Hartsock has detailed the devastating impact of historical, economic, and ideological factors_on intimacy as part of an examination of power and community. She reports that hostility and domination, not intimacy and physical pleasure, are central to sexual excitement in Western culture, especially in its masculine expressions. 8 Hartsock's analysis portrays the twisting of eros into dehumanizing forms. She examines three aspects of eros: (a) the desire for fusion, "to make the many one" (in the words of Sigmund Freud); (b) sensuality and bodily pleasure; and (c) generativity and creativity. These healthy and wholesome dynamics, however, are distorted by anxiety about intimacy. Men, she says, are left in considerable anxiety about intimacy because of thetraumas and fears they experience in early childhood. As a result, they avoid intimacy through control, hence reducing women to objects and finding their excitement in overcoming female resistance. Fetishism is a second means of dealing with the threat of intimacy. In this form, the focus is on the woman's "parts" -her legs, breasts, buttocks, pubis, etc. Thus, no longer faced with an intimate other, the woman is reduced to a "clit," "pussy," "broad," "bitch," "score," "kill," etc. In a third distortion, eros takes on a form of reversal! revenge. The man's need here is to reverse the child-mother roles where the former was so needy and utterly dependent on the mother. The trauma of this needy dependence is reversed into revenge so that anxiety can then take the form of pleasure. In this dynamic the woman is needy, utterly at the hands of the man, and the man in rage from childhood fears and trauma seeks vengeance on the woman by debasing her. Threatened by anxiety, eros as sensuality and pleasure is perverted into numbness, the death of feeling, and the denial of the body. In many men, it takes the form of loathing of the body and can even become a preoccupation and fascination with death. Open Hands 5 An Ethic of Sexuality and Salvation What inferences can we draw from a biblically inf view of salvation to address the oppressive structures of sexism, heterosexism, and hostility? It seems clear that any ethic of sexuality related to salvation must engage these three issues. Moral thought about sexuality that operates apart from these is like an oceanographer who, so captivated by frothy bubbles in a backwash, ignores the dangers of the sea. It does little to talk of the good or the right, principles or norms, without examining the fundamental ways in which we hold our sexuality captive. A viable ethic of sexuality will name these demons that populate sexuality's personal and political dimensions. Even in the presence of their ominous control, an ethic of salvation can proclaim that the principalities and powers have been defeated in the work of Christ and that we live in a new age. Responsive to the liberative action of God, an ethic of sexuality seeks to discern the enlarging and creative spaces for authentic humanity. God's deliverance from oppression is already at work to shatter the bonds of sexism, heterosexism, and hostility. God is at work to render healthy and whole the sexuality both of our embodied selves and of all our relationships -personal, interpersonal, economic, political, cultural, historical, and spiritual. An ethic of sexuality and salvation will also address the anxieties attached to intimacy with a gospel of grace in which one can fully trust God and can find the strength to be oneself. Fueled by grace, this ethic will be able to take down, stone by stone, the fears and traumas of the fortified ego defenses of men so that new depths of life and experience with others can be known and shared. An ethic of salvation will offer new vistas of feminist and womanist ways of being in the world and new opportunities no longer constricted by stereotypes, fetishism, control, and the threat of violence. Furthermore, this ethic will call for a systematic institutionalization of homosexual life and unions and for the provision in law and social policy of civil liberties and civil rights for gay men and lesbians. It will mean structuring equality into a broad range of issues crucial to substantive justice: equal treatment in employment, public service, housing, taxation, inheritance, medical care and insurance, and so on. It will mean an end to compulsory heterosexuality. Such an ethic will seek to enable the expression of warmth and affection and to tum sexuality from its compressed focus on genitalia so that friendship and other ties can own and celebrate levels of feeling and attachment that are so often suppressed and consigned to silence. Sexuaiity itself will become covenantal in an ethic combining sexuality and salvation. People will be liberated to live out their sexuality in faithfulness to the reign of God and faithfulness to others. This ethic will understand the historical character of human existence -that indeed we live between the times, between the already and the not yet. Living in a present filled with poignancy gives sexuality a wondrous vitality and affirmation. 6 Open Hands Finally, with the understanding of salvation on which such an ethic will be based, concrete, lived reality will take on ultimate significance and import. Sexuality will no longer be the embarrassing, repressed side of life but a celebrative, reveling, deeply intimate, fun and humorous, wannly affectionate, committed and compelling, earthy and ecstatic sharing of life in covenant. • Notes 1. John E. Alsup, "Salvation"; in Paul J. Achtemeier, ed., Harper's Bible Dictionary (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1985). 2. Beverly Wildung Harrison, Making the Connections. edited by Carol S. Robb (Boston: Beacon Press, 1985), p. 138. 3. James B. Nelson, Between Two Gardens (New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983), p. 51. 4. Ibid., p. 52. 5. Mary Daly, Gyn-Ecology (Boston: Beacon Press, 1978). 6. Adrienne Rich, "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Experience," Signs 5, no. 4 (Summer 1980). 7. Alfred C. Kinsey et al., Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders, 1948). 8. Nancy C. M. Hartsock, Money, Sex and Power (Boston: Northeastern University Press, 1985). With appreciation to my colleague and friend, Kris Culp, who did a careful and critical reading of the first draft of this paper. Tex Sample is professor ofchurch and society at Saint Paul School ofTheology in Kansas City, Missouri. He is an ordained elder in the Missouri West Conference of the United Methodist Church. Myths of Mono9amy 6y Re6ecca Parker M onogamy is to be celebrated as one of life's richest possibilities. The commitment of two people to create a life together centered in love is a decision to remain faithful to one another through the joys and sorrows of life, in hardship and in plenty, and in making the well-being of the other a concern equal to concern for oneself. Such commitment can bring intensity, depth , growth, strength, courage, healing, and happiness to people 's lives. The joys of faithful committed, life-long relationships are not experienced only by those who define themselves as heterosexual and whose relationship is blessed by church and state. Life-long committed relationships have blessed the lives of lesbians and gay men, their children, and their communities -even when such faithful relationships have been neither recognized nor celebrated in any public way. Faithful commitment deserves celebration in the public and the religious spheres, in the many forms that such commitment can take. The story of Ruth and Naomi stands as a reminder that the biblical model of faithful love is love not compelled but freely given, not required by custom or law, but arising from the heart, unwavering, courageous, not destroyed by hardship, and life-transforming. Wherever such love is found, or choices for such love are made, there God is. The day the whole church is able to affirm, celebrate, and support life-long, committed, monogamous relationships among gay men and lesbians will be a joyful one. The dawning of that day, however, is hindered by several dimensions of the traditional Christian concept of monogamous marriage. These must be discarded before an inclusive ethic of monogamy can be formulated, or faithful relationships outside the bounds of the heterosexual circle can be valued. Three concepts -which I would like to name "myths of monogamy" -are associated with the traditional understanding of Christian marriage. These myths contribute to homophobia and to destructive patterns of intimacy, and are linked to the failure of the Christian community to affirm lesbians and gay men and likewise gay and lesbian unions. The first myth is that marriage completes incomplete, complementary beings. Second is the idea that monogamy involves a structure of authority (the man is the head of the woman and sexual intimacy is surrender of personal power). The third concept is that God has ordained marriage, and anyone who is not married has sinned against God and nature. Myth: M~eCompfetes Incompfete Beil19s "I was incomplete until I found you" is a romantic feeling most of us have experienced in our lives. Is this feeling at the heart of mature, life-long love? The traditional concept of monogamy says "yes." In the traditional, heterosexual view, men and women are incomplete beings who are only made whole through marriage . The story in Genesis 2 describes woman being created from man's rib, and says, "Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife" (Gen 2:24). This biblical passage is interpreted to mean that a part of every man has been taken from him and is possessed by a woman. He can only regain himself by possessing the woman who possesses his lost part. Conversely, the woman is a wayward being until she is possessed -embraced by the one she h.as belonged to all along. If a woman thinks she is independent of man, doesn't belong to anyone, is her own person -she is denying her God-given nature. For a man to think he is whole without ,a woman is to deny his God-given nature. Those who view the essence of marriage in these terms cannot accept committed relationships between gay men or lesbians. To them such a couple doesn't add up to wholeness -two incomplete people cannot make a whole unless their incompleteness is complementary. A modem tenn for this form of complementarity in marriage is "co-dependency." A co-dependent relationship is Continued on p. 8 Open Hands 7 Continued from p. 7 one in which the individuals involved are psychologically fused in an unhealthy way -a way that inhibits personal growth and finally destroys intimacy. Depth psychologists such as lung who explored the psychology of complementarity over a lifetime identify "romantic" love as the attraction to another person\ who represents the 10sUrepressed part of one's own self. Romantic love is fed by repression. A man who has repressed his emotions is attracted to a woman whose emotions are vividly expressed. She may not be what he loves at all -he loves the lost part of himself which he is seeking to possess by bonding possessively with her. He cannot allow any kind of unfaithfulness because unfaithfulness robs him of himself. The woman, in tum, may have been attracted to him because she had repressed her ambitions and aspirations, but he is full of dreams, goals, and hopes. He may not be what she loves but the lost part of herself which she regains by being with him. He must be faithful to her in every way or else she loses what she most wants -herself. Co-dependent relationships can endure only so long as the partners in co-dependency continue to deny parts of themselves. Any move towards personal integration of the lost part of oneself threatens the bond. In fact, the move towards personal wholeness may even be experienced as an unfaithful act. Thus, a woman who stops living through a man and begins to acknowledge and pursue her own aspirations is blamed for destroying or not valuing marriage. Many Christian ethicists and proponents of "traditional" family values, extol the "union of opposites" understanding of monogamy. Co-dependency is considered the ideal. However, lung went beyond the traditional concept of marriage and believed that marriage should mature through romantic love to mature love, possible after one has been led by the beloved to see and integrate the lost part of oneself. Mature love is a relationship between whole people, complete in themselves, who do not depend on one another for self-completion. Only when a post-dependent model of love is lifted up as the ideal can Christian ethics appropriately affirm lesbian and gay relationships as expressions of the highest ideal. A post-dependent model of love begins by defining faithfulness as self-faithfulness. To be faithful to yourself is to embrace all aspects of yourself unconditionally -rejecting no part. Self-faithfulness especially means embracing aspects of yourself that patriarchal culture says you must reject. When you learn not to abandon yourself, you become capable of not abandoning someone else. Two people who are seeking to be whole in themselves relate differently than two who are seeking themselves in each other. Those who seek to be whole in themselves offer companionship, support, friendship, and loving criticism to one anotherwithout demand. It is a higher love because it is a freer love. Faithfulness is experienced as personal responsibility and integrity rather than demanding control of another who has the power to rob you of what belongs to you. In a post-dependent relationship, the partners d"o not have to be "opposites" -sexually or otherwise. Differences add legitimate variety, spice, conflict, freshness but the differences are not the energy that binds two together in a union of mutual possession and completion. The two are bound together by the energy of mutual love, respect, caring, appreciation, delight, knowledge, and support. Differences enrich rather than define the union. 8 Open Hands Myth: M~eImpfies a Structure of Autfiori1y When I was first interviewed as a woman seeking to be ordained, I was asked who would be the head of the household in my marriage. The tone of the question was not friendly. It suggested that my pursuit of ordination represented a usurping of the proper structures of authority. The "traditional" view of heterosexual monogamy sees "man as the head of the woman." To be in a monogamous relationship is to enter into an authority structure. This authority structure is grounded in the divine/human authority structure. God is the head of the creation in the big picture. Man is the head of the woman on the domestic scene. The identification of God as male is a necessary correlation of this view of authority. In this context, resistance to imaging God as female is not dogmatic insistence on God's gender, but dogmatic insistence that males have authority over females. The reverse is an offensive, threatening idea -a disruption of the proper order of things. In a recent conversation with a self-described evangelical Christian, I was asked if I had ever performed a gay union. I answered that I have been privileged to participate in such celebrations. The next question was, "Well, how do they know which one is the bride and which one is the groom?" "What do you mean?" I asked. The person responded, "How do they know who is going to be on top, who is going to be the man, the person in charge?" In this way of thinking, sexuality is identified with power (maleness) and powerlessness (femaleness), with exercise of authority (male) and submission to authority (female), and with command (male) and obedience (female). This is a tragic way to define sexuality for all concerned. For gay men and lesbians, it has meant social and religious rejection and chastisement for "not following the orders," not defining sexuality in terms of power. For heterosexual men, it outlaws ever letting go of control and power. For heterosexual women, it has often meant that sexual intimacy is tantamount to surrender of personal authority and autonomy. When monogamy is associated with this structure of authority, then sexual faithfulness becomes identified for the submissive party with obedience to the authority of another. To be unfaithful in the context that identifies maleness with dominance and femaleness with submission is to be disobedient. Unfaithful is something that really only the submissive party can be (hence arises the double standard). This understanding of monogamy as faithfulness to authority is closely tied to the theology that identifies human sin as disobedience to the will of God. God, the male authority figure, commands but we do not obey. Hence, we human beings are called "harlot," or "adulterer," or "unfaithful wife." Theologians such as Augustine condemn sexuality as the root of all sin by identifying sexuality with the desire to rebel from authority. A man's sexual organ does not obey his command, and woman is inherently rebellious -inherently evil. In this context, ethical sexuality is always and only highly controlled sexuality. The lesbian or gay man is to be condemned because she or he has transgressed authority in the extreme -refused to be obedient to the rules. Homophobia includes an element of fear of the uncontrollable, hatred of the disobedient. Within this context, lesbian and gay relationships cannot be tolerated for two reasons. First, sexuality has been perverted because the clear structure of husband/ruler and wife/subject has been confused. In this view, sexuality is perverted by equality. Secondly, in lesbian or gay relationships the persons involved have defied all authority they represent unconstrained sexuality which is in its very nature rebellious energy. Properly constrained sexuality is only found within the bonds of patriarchal marriage. The identification of "good sexuality" with a ruler/ subject authority structure or even with a divinely ordained marriage structure must be abandoned by the church before the value of lesbian and gay monogamous relationships can be fully affirmed and celebrated. This theological transformation will have to involve a re-imaging of God's sexuality, so that the insistence on God's sovereignty is not dependent on the insistence on God's maleness. It also will have to involve an affirmation of sexual energy as energy that is either inherently neutral (carrying the potential for good or evil) or inherently good (leading us toward creation, enhancement, or fulfillment of God's purposes). Thus, the affirmation of gay and lesbian relationships and the forming of an inclusive, nondestructive ethic of monogamy requires the identification of sexuality as "the good gift of God." That good gift can be a means of expressing and deepening love and discovering the sacredness of oneself and others. Forming such an ethic also requires identifying equality, rather than dominance and submission, as the highest form of human love. Mytli: God Has Ordained M~eas a Requirement Jesus mayor may not have been married, but the Gospels picture him as single. Paul advised the unmarried state as the best way but allowed that marriage was acceptable for those who would give in to the temptations of sex without it. Nevertheless, the idea that God has ordained marriage as a requirement is implied for some by the Creation story and by the commandment "be fruitful and multiply." Lesbian or gay unions are sometimes criticized (by those who have never met the children of gay or lesbian people) for being a defiance of that commandment and a defiance of the "order of creation." Man and woman are created to be together and to produce children; therefore, God has ordained marriage as a requirement. Faithful, committed relationships need to be rescued from the canon of requirements and returned to the canon of possibilities. God has given us choice. The choice to be single can be a wise, life-giving choice. Those who are single have not failed to fulfill God's requirements. God has also given us freedom to choose a partner in life. Love is freely given and freely bestowed. It is not forced or demanded of us. The difference between a life-long, loving heterosexual relationship and a life-long, loving same-sex relationship is only a difference in the gender of the partner chosen. Ed chose Michael, Rebecca chose George, Julia chose Jim, Kate chose Elizabeth. What makes a monogamous relationship Christian is not that the two partners complete one another, is not that one is submissive to another's rule, and is not that the partners have fulfilled God's requirement. Three things make a monogamous relationship Christian. First, the two partners love one another for who they are, not as symbols of lost parts of themselves. Second, the partners regard one another with mutual respect and honor one another's authority as self-responsible adults -there is equality of power. And, finally, the two partners have chosen one another freely, not under compunction, but out of love and in favor of the values that life-long commitment can bring. An inclusive ethic of faithful commitment leaves room for other ethical and life-affirming choices -to be single, to love intimately more than once. It defines faithfulness in terms that transcend gender. It gives a common ground for many forms of committed love to be recognized, celebrated, resourced, and supported within the community of faith. And, at best, it points us beyond one-on-one relationships to the wider circle and reminds us that God loves not one, but many, and we are invited to love not just one, not just the inner circle, but all who bear the image of God in their souls .• Rebecca Parker is pastor o/Vashon Island UMC in the Seattle area. She is also a member of the Committee to Study Homosexuality recently formed by the United Methodist General Conference. Open Hands 9 T he trend in mainline Christian churches, including my own, the Roman Catholic Church, is toward increased acceptance of same-sex love. Admittedly there are countersigns to this. But in the past 20 years we have moved from complete silence. through heated debate, to grudging acceptance. Plenty of kicking and screaming is still ahead. But now that the signs of success are so obvious (including the ferocious backlash that we are finding in some denominations), I think it is time for lesbian and gay Christians to say what we mean by same-sex love. Only then can the richness of our experiences become part of a healthy faith family. Otherwise, we participate in the dysfunctional dynamics that make our so-called "spiritual homes" abusive households. Most Christians who tolerate or even advocate same-sex love as healthy , good, natural. and holy (an opinion I share) are hesitant to unpack just what this means. They fear, rightly, being rejected if the full spectrum of lesbian/gay humanity were exposed. Of course, no one rejects heterosexuality simply because every heterosexual is not monogamously married to the first person she/he ever dated. We who wish to be acceptable members of our faith traditions have been cowed into sanitizing our sex. It is as if we love in wrinkle-resistant, button-down pairs in splitlevel houses for ever and ever amen. I do not mean to blame the victims. We have every reason to be circumspect if we want to survive in a homophobic society. But I consider it a sign of maturity that we begin to discuss our sexual ethics openly, realistically. Homophobia and heterosexism have forced us to lower our standards, to settle for crumbs at the table where in many instances we have baked the bread of life. Our growing success at educating ourselves and our communities is impetus to continue the process with harder questions, more honest discussion and increased tolerance of ambiguity . As a feminist liberation theologian, I am constantly experimenting with my craft. I consider theology, especially moral theology or ethics; to be too important to be left to theologians. I reject moralizing and pontificating from religious professionals. I urge communities to theologize. I assume that every subject is able to be discussed, i. e .. that there are no taboo topics. I take for granted that easy answers are "cheap grace." that it takes a long time. some luck. and many mistakes to love well. I presume that there are many right answers. that no one politically correct way of being exists. I like the fact that we change our minds. see things differently over time. and make corrections in mid-course. For matters moral, I suggest that we engage in creative listening, sketch some general directions, and leave the rest up to the good 10 Open Hands sense of faithful people. In short, I trust the community of faith more than I do experts' judgments on matters of morality. What follows is an effort to use my own methodology in a brief reflection on lesbian sexual ethics, leaving the gay part up to my good brothers who know more about it than I do. Of course, each of the following issues deserves much longer treatment. I hope that such discussion will go on among readers who will take an active part in writing the next chapter of lesbian/gay Christian sexual ethics . Four general issues arise over and over in my discussions with lesbian friends. Note that my point of reference is as a white, middleclass, U.S .-based, well-educated, lesbian feminist woman. I limit my insights to what this perspective provides, sure that from other starting points issues and priorities will differ. First, monogamy is not for everyone. and for those for whom it works it is never enough. Second, "an army of ex-lovers" may never fail . but they sure do make for complicated parties. Third, "breaking up is hard to do," but it takes more courage to try loving again . Fourth, love may be more important than sex, but love and sex beat even chocolate. Let me discuss each of these in turn. M onogamy is the number one topic among lesbian women (after the niceties about whom Holly Near is "seeing" these days). It is usually couched as "monogamy vs. nonmonogamy" and usually means do you and your lover have other sexual partners? Or, if one is not in a coupled relationship, it means if you are interested in being coupled with me will there be someone(s) else? While polygamy is practiced openly by men of some religious (and personal) persuasions, the predominant articulated sexual more of lesbian women is monogamy. That many heterosexual couples are not monogamous in practice for a variety of reasons does not seem to enter the picture. What we are admitting, however, is that monogamy is not for everyone. For some women (I would venture the majority, but who knows?) the notion of a monogamous relationship appeals for reasons of an economy of time and emotion. But for others, equally legitimately I would argue, the idea of having one sex partner for a lifetime is simply unthinkable. Rather than brand this as promiscuous or depraved, I prefer to hope that they find people who also want this arrangement and feel free to enjoy it. After all, the problems usually arise when one partner wants to be monogamous and the other not. While I have rarely seen non monogamous relationships last very long, I have deep respect for the fact of our heterogeneity and I urge others to respect it as well. Continued on p. I2 W riting about gay male sexual ethics feels about as safe as walking on thin ice in May. Though there may be some areas of consensus in the gay male subculture, this clearly is not one of them. As is true in the larger culture, gay people face these issues differently according to age, developmental stage, sociocultural and ethnic background. Furthermore, gay men and lesbians generally lack norms or systems that might be guides for sexual decision making. Members of the heterosexual majority frequently appeal to the Judeo-Christian tradition as a basis of sexual ethics, but few gay men are likely to do so . That ethic is perceived as a system in which gay male or lesbian sexual expression is outside of acceptable boundaries. Why should we tum to such a system as a guide? Nor have we been eager to construct an alternative system. A homophobic and heterosexist culture has made most outlets for expression of gay identity both rare and risky. Genital sexual interaction has, therefore, been for many gay men a primary means of expressing our personal identity. Thus, it should be no surprise that few gay men are anxious to subscribe to any system of beliefs or norms that might provide a basis for decision making about sexual activity, even ifthat system has been constructed by other gay men. To do so would seem to be a surrender of self-definition. As a result, questions of sexual ethics tend to be considered by gay men more on a pragmatic or issue-oriented basis than from a standpoint of systems or norms. Nevertheless, a review of some of the sexual ethical issues suggests that the Christian gay man does have resources available from within his faith community. Asking whether "to be or not to be" in the closet, hiding gay male identity, is an ethical question. On one side of the issue are questions of respect for self and others -what does it say about my view of myself if I hide a significant part of who I am from those who are important to me? And what does it say about my view of others? Arguments on the other side of the issue may well raise consideration of survival or self-preservation, as well as responsibility for others. Should I place my job, my life, my family in jeopardy by coming out? And if I do suffer losses, what about those who may be dependent on me to meet their basic needs for shelter, food, clothing? In spite of what is sometimes described as "increased openness" to lesbians and gay men, many still see the issue of the closet in these stark survival terms. At another level of analysis, many feel that continued invisibility by lesbians and gay men contributes to their ongoing oppression in the culture. As suggested above, this matter also relates to the meaning that gay men may see in their sexual activity. If genital sexual interaction with another man is virtually my only means of expressing my gay identity, that reality will have an important effect on the forms of that expression. Combined with performance-oriented traditional male socialization, a person's "success" or "failure" (however he may define those terms) in the arena ofgenital sexuality may have a powerful impact on his ability to know and appreciate his own or others' complete personhood. Some gay men have taken a relatively casual approach to sex, seeing it primarily as a means for recreation, stress reduction, and communication with others. When the meaning of sexual interaction is seen in this light, the principal ethical considerations may be to be sure that all involved get what they wanted to get out of it, that partners' limits and needs are respected, that communication is clear and personally affirming. Because differing expectations can cause emotional pain, persons who enter these relationships have an obligation to ensure clarity. A traditional approach is to understand sexual interaction as an expression of love and of intimacy, as well as a means to intimacy. Many gay men struggle mightily with the interrelationships of sex, love, and intimacy. The distinctions and relationships among these realities may not be different than for heterosexuals or for lesbians. However, because both partners were socialized as men, both have likely learned the same lesson -such as "sex equals intimacy." This creates a special context for the ethical and other dilemmas involved. Many gay men make sexual ethical judgments based on intimacy as a primary value. These men ask whether sexual activity will foster or inhibit intimacy between themselves and a particular partner. They may also ask about its impact on their ability to maintain or create satisfactory intimate relationships with other persons. Intimacy is especially likely to be at stake in the issues of sexual ethics that arise for gay men in a coupled relationship. One frequent question is whether or not the partners should have sex outside the relationship. The question may arise even when the relationship is defined as "open" to sexual excursions beyond its bounds. The specific dynamics within a relationship at a given time may suggest that such activity would be inappropriate, even though it might be appropriate at another time. When intimacy within the primary relationship is highly valued, the couple has a basis for making these decisions. Other gay couples have covenanted for sexual exclusivity. (I resist the term monogamy because it is a term linked by definition to heterosexual marriage.) The presence of such a covenant suggests an additional level of ethical analysis to be done if the possibility of breaking it is contemplated. Most gay men would subscribe to Continued on p. 13 Open Hands 11 Continued from p. 10 For those of us who do find monogamy to our liking, I contend it is simply not enough. While a primary partner is nice (we can share a home, finances, fun, friends, sex, and family), there is an equally important need for such relationships to be generative, to make and find life outside of themselves. This is something that nonmonogamous relationships have built-in -the fresh, often complicating newness of others. Monogamously committed couples need this newness, too, whether in the form of an extended community, children, pets, challenging work, and/or volunteer commitments, whatever it takes to push the horizons of coupledness into the cosmos. I hear more and more about spirituality and celebration from lesbian women. I take it as a way we are all pushing, regardless of our relational status, for something more than predictable patriarchy promises. This spirituality is something to nurture . A second ethical issue that often arises is how to deal with our ex-lovers. Again heterosexuality has provided few clues. Most men discard their women lovers when sex is over; many women do the same with men, though I often hear a wistful "I wish we could be friends" from my straight sisters that echoes so many lesbian women's efforts to keep connected. Psychologists have a heyday on lesbian fusion issues, but I think the urge to be friends with ex-lovers is a healthy one, to a point. The truism that many women become lovers with their friends and many men become friends with their lovers is never more true than with lesbian women. While one night stands are not unknown among lesbians, the more common experience is that women friends become lovers. But when it is clear that the relationship is not going to be permanent, as is typically the case since few of us form a permanent couple with our first, second, or even third partner, what to do? Our healthy urge to maintain and even deepen friendships is laudable. But life goes on, and every community is not the size of New York. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of one another, to admit that being lovers was what being friends was about in the first place, and since it will not work we had best let go. Would that it were so easy. But hopefully we can say that how we break off a love relationship needs to be given at least as much attention as how we build one. That means a commitment to work through problems, with help if necessary, and some attention to the implications of our former relational status on the wider community. No one thinks of these things in the heat of betrayal or just plain disappointment. But it is something to consider just as much as who will get the cat. 12 Open Hands Third, many lesbian women I know find loving again after a break-up to be difficult unto impossible. Negative words and deeds from so-called friends make this understandable: it's over, they didn't make it, she lost, they quit, it's so painful. The fact is most break-ups are a sign of growth, honesty for a change, increased personal knowledge. I am not referring to putting a pretty face on what is usually a devastating experience. But the obligation of a supportive community, especially one that is based on a faith tradition that stresses hope and new life, is to see things in the big picture even if the persons most deeply involved are, understandably, more narrowly focused. The best strategy I know in this regard is to see friendship as learned behavior. We can teach children how to be friends, and we learn in every friendship something that is practice for the one to come. Finally, everyone loves to be loved , and most people enjoy sex. Lesbian women are no exception even though somewhere along the patriarchal line a lie got started that lesbian women were more interested in love than sex. This is fueled by studies that show that the frequency of sex diminished in all long-term relationships. In an effort to assure the world that we do not molest Girl Scouts nor lust after heterosexually married women (though some of them have been known to do more than lust after us!), lesbian women have earned a reputation for being nonsexual. Some of us may have been so busy saving the lesbian whales that we may have given this impression. It is time to correct it, to "come out" as the sexual beings that we are entitled to be. Of course, some lesbian couples, as some heterosexual couples, see the sexual spark go out of their relationships. This is neither necessary nor normative. Contrary to some opinions, we do not stay together for convenience' sake, out of habit or duty, nor for economic reasons. We stay together, as all healthy people do, because life together, both in bed and out, is better than life apart. Love and sex are compatible. We need not apologize nor hide behind a cloak of seeming celibacy. This is our birthright. These four issues -monogamy, breaking up, loving again, and sex -are among the major ethical concerns of many lesbian women. Of course, we are concerned with economic issues, racism , U.S. military involvement, and nuclear war. But these brief reflections on our lives take our communities one more step toward selfrespect and justice. Let's take another one .• Mary E. Hunt is a Catholic theologian who is co-director of WATER, Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics, and RituaL. She writes regularly in the WATERwheel. Continued from p. II the notion that people should keep the promises they make; failing to keep a promise is disrespectful to the other party and rarely fosters intimacy. A serious challenge arises from the situation in which no specific understandings about sexual exclusivity have been articulated. Lacking socially approved models for a relationship, expectations between members of a couple have to be either articulated or assumed. If the assumed expectations of each member of a couple about a particular subject are not similar, do the partners have obligations to one another? Some people would say that there is an obligation to "check out" a partner's expectation before doing something that might be contrary to it. Such behavior fosters intimacy. One would also say that a member of a couple who has especially strong feelings, for example, about the need for sexual exclusivity, has an obligation to articulate that expectation and to negotiate it with his partner. Recent studies show that many gay men are forming mutually sexually exclusive partnerships as one way ofdealing with the tragic reality of AIDS. When two uninfected men form a sexually exclusive couple and both abide by that covenant, they need not worry about the possibility of passing on a sexually transmitted disease from outside the relationship. This further complicates the ethical situation for the person who considers violating the covenant since he may incur an obligation to inform his partner or to begin to practice only "safer sex." The AIDS epidemic is the source of other ethical questions for gay men. One such question that deserves more attention is what responsibility one should take for helping to foster a climate in which safer sex is the norm. An immediate health risk does not arise when two uninfected persons have "unsafe" sex with each other. Since risking AIDS is risking death , however, some are arguing that all gay men (and for that matter all persons who are not in mutually exclusive relationships) should engage in only safer sex. This protects everyone against the possibility that a partner may lie about infection status. It also provides support for those persons who have a special difficulty in following safer-sex guidelines. With respect to the sexual transmission of AIDS, one person's risk may never be limited to that person alone. For several years now, gay men have been warning one another to have only safer sex no matter what their partner's infection status. Given the responsibility of each person to avoid risk, do those who are infected by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) have an obligation to tell prospective partners? Or does this obligation arise only when unprotected sex is contemplated? Does everyone have an obligation to know whether he is infected by HIV? Does a person who is infected have an obligation never to practice "unsafe" sex, even though a partner has knowingly chosen to take the risk? A particularly poignant ethical question arises for men who are attracted emotionally and sexually to someone who has been diagnosed with AIDS. At least some men have decided that they do not wish to go through the experience of living and loving with someone who can realistically be expected to die within a short time. These men may be recognizing and honoring their own limits in dealing with another's illness. If they feel they would be unable to offer an ill partner the presence, support, and tenderness he would need, it may well be best for both if they do not enter a relationship. On the other hand, no one lives forever, and no one can predict when accident or illness might strike. If I feel that I could not or would not be willing to be present to a partner under those circumstances, am I not obligated at least to disclose that to any potential partner, whatever their current health status? May I ethically decline to love, cherish, and care for someone who is ill or who is likely to die? T his is only a partial list of the sexual ethical questions gay men are facing currently. A second look reveals that behind the specific questions of "What shall I do (or not do) and with whom?" is a set of values decisions familiar to most people in the Judeo-Christian tradition. For example, within the set of questions related to coming out are issues related to self-respect, honesty, care for others, and the like. Other questions likewise point to matters having to do with respect versus exploitation, stewardship of God's gifts, honoring the dignity and worth of a creature of God, and others. There can be little doubt where the witness of scripture and tradition will lead us in response to these kinds of values questions. We are the inheritors of a faith that proclaims the worth of every human being, challenges us to witness to our love of God by the way we treat those who are in need, demands that justice and mercy be done, and calls for the liberation of the oppressed. From these imperatives arise obligations: to be honest with self and others; to act for the welfare of others and avoid harm; to be a good steward of the gifts that God has given us . Like other people of faith, gay men may disagree about the application of these principles to specific ethical questions. But the resource is there and the community of faith offers a setting in which to explore the questions that emerge .• Morris L. Floyd is a member of the California-Pacific Annual Conference ofthe United Methodist Church and is on the board ofthe National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. He has long been active in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Open Hands 13 SU STAINING THE SPIRIT Litany of Supportive Community Leader: We are t0gether in this pface today with different 6adi.9roundS) cfifferent taCents and commitments) different COnceT115. PEOPLE: TO EACH OTHER WE SAY: We sfiare a faith inJesus Cfirist and a commitment to the purpose of Cfiristianity. This is our 60ru{, and it is as compeffil19 as the one 6etween Ruth and Naomi. Leader: As we seek a moaeC for our community of [ave) Ruth sym6oCize5 Cove and CoyaCty)faithJuCness and wi[Cingness to risR hardS hip for the safi.e ofothers. vVe wou[cf 6e Rutfls to a[[ Naomis: to those who face 6ittemess who are moving into new Cife experiences, those who share our dreams and hopes) and those who have cfifferent dreams. We havefriendS whose ener9ies are et19agecf 6y activities and issues cfifferent fro m our own. PEOPLE: TO THEM WE SAY: We wiU not Leave you. We are 9Cad that you are worlUl19 in areas we cannot. We wiU support you in your efforts and request your support of each of us in ours. We rec09niu that onry thnn'9h such diversity oftaLents and conunitments can we 6uild t0gether a new heaven and earth. Leader: There are peapCe in our Churches and communities with whom we strot19 !Y disagree on issues ofcurrent concern in our church and socie"!)'. PEOPLE: TO THEM WE SAY: We wiU not a6arufonyou. We wiU listen to your views and wiU sfiare our ideas with you openry and frankry. We wiU de6ate with you w hen necessary. We wiU not shrink from creative conffict. Yet we wiUaLways remember that we sfiare a common Fuunanity and Leader: There are friendS among us with speciaC pro6fems and d£ep pai11.S) for whom life is especiaC!y cfifficuCt. PEOPLE: TO THEM \;VE SAY: We wiU 90 with you thr0U9h your vaCfeys. We may not aLways know your stories, t~h we are open to fiearil19 tliem. We may not wuferstandyour pain, t~h we wiU try. We wiU sfiare the Coad ifyou wiU affow us to. Leader: We have friendS in our Churches and our communities who have chosen CifestyCes we do not uncferstand. PEOPLE: TO THEM WE SAY : We wiU Cove you and accept you. We wiU not ju£lge your decision, as we ask. you not to ju£lge ours. We wiU join you in worlUl19 for a world where peopCe are respected and differences are ceCe6rated. Leader: There are those perso11.S we CabeC "them, " who are different from us) who choose this difference) whom we Cabe[ as cfifferent, who threaten us, at1ger us, fri9hten us. PEOPLE: TO THEM WE SAY: We wiU name our differences, our concerns, our fears and seek. to Cove within tliem. We wiU seek. to see in aU persons God's revefation of Cove and acceptance, the source of our ma. Leader: vVith Ruth we say: III vvi[[ 90 with you." God calIs us now to risR the next step -not just lito90 ivith" 6ut to em6race, to ho[cf) and to heaL PEOPLE: WE HEAR THE CALL. We ask. for stretl9th and courClge to 6~in Uvil19 the cau. are cfiHdren of one God. ALL: AMEN AND AMEN. 14 Open H ands Persona! RefCections Thinking a60ut what sexuaL" ethics means for one's self 5) what is the pface of Goct church, and spirituaCity in is often di§icuft. I rufeecf, it can 6e frustrating, threatening, her or his experience and ethics? even painfoL Yet stu:h ethicaL souC-searching can aCso 6e pro6) How have your own experiences of God, the Hoo/, and founcf(y rewarding, prodUcing a deepened sense of personaL spirituaCity 6een shaped 6y your experience ofsexuaL"ity? identity, self-understanding, self-respect, and accompCish7) How has new knowCedge a60ut sexuaL"ity injTuenced ment. your reflection a60ut sexuaL" ethics? As the personaL stories shared here are rejfecwf upon, 8) How would you rank these factors invoCved in Cove resome questions might 6e particuCaro/ usejUC for this process. Cationships? Consideration of what ethicaL principCes may underCie these • personaL whoCeness statements and of the types of ethicaL reflection 6eing done • open and honest communication could prod the 6f9inning or expansion ofone's own reJTection • vuCnera6iCity on personaL sexuaL" ethics. • uftimatums in intimate/Cove reCationships • spiritual commitment aruVor experience1) what vafues does each writer affirm as positiveo/ im• one's sense of self-id'entity pacting her or his sexuaL"ity, growth, and reCationships? • what the Bi6Ce says 2) what vafues does she or he consider and not affirm? • what the minister says 3) what sources and authorities does she or he use in affirming personaL decisions? what other factors wouldyou aM as 6eing important? 4) What experiences seem to have 6een major injTuences in each writer's story and ethicaC tfeveCopment? Striving Toward Wholeness W hen I was first asked to write an article on sexual ethics, I had to restrain myself from laughing out loud. Me ... , the one recently accused of having none? Life certainly provides its ironies. Then I wondered if I could write anything about the process I've been going through recently, trying to arrive at a sexual ethic for myself. I certainly feel I can speak only for myself, and not anyone else in this matter. One major dilemma that continues for me is the issue of whether monogamy within a primary, committed relationship is the ideal to be emulated. For many of my friends, this is not questioned; it is simply accepted as a given, one of the criteria for being a "real Christian." But, for me, many questions remain. When I first began to recognize my ambisexuality -that is, my capacity for intimately loving both men and women, somewhat in a gender-blind by Peggy R. Gaylord way -the discovery was primarily intellectual. As a product of a society where heterosexuality is the norm, I never expected to act on the portion of my sexuality that drew me toward other women. Later, however, when I did become sexually intimate with another woman, I felt joyful doors opening inside of me, similar to when I had acted on my sexuality with a man . I felt the excitement of discovery, of becoming vulnerable with another, of growing toward more wholeness and freedom. At the same time, I felt the discrimination of heterosexuals and homosexuals alike -that I should choose one or the other, usually with the implication that I be willing to accept my "gayness." For me, that would have meant denying my "straightness," the strong attraction I felt for men as well as women. However, it is the insight that I have of both sides that I feel allows me to respond to the call I experience, and to function better as a reconciler. For those of us who are not heterosexual (and for some of us who are), the myths that society proffers about heterosexuality do not fit well. Since uncovering those myths, I no longer accept much without thorough exploration. I have had to sculpt my own path for the journey into my sexuality. Consequently, I'm not convinced that other myths such as exclusive monogamy fit for me either. In fact, pursuing monogamy might just be another attempt for people of other orientations to try to buy acceptance from heterosexuals. Indeed, determining whether to be monogamous is very complex. Sometimes in sorting out what is involved, it's easier to know or feel what is not the case, rather that what is. If I am not monogamous, I am not necessarily promiscuous; I am not having a "fling" or being hedonistic or selfish; and I do Continued on p . /6 Open H ands 15 Continued from p. J5 not think it means I have a sexual addiction. I take sexual intimacy very seriously as an outgrowth of relationship. For many years, I have believed that sexual intimacy can be simply an expression of friendship. Obviously, whether it occurs in a particular instance depends on mutual agreement of individual boundaries. Simultaneously, I have also expected or suspected that one individual would not be able to fulfill all my needs, desires, and fantasies; nor I theirs. Before my most recent relationship and in the first few years of it, neither of us was exclusively intimate with the other. Then we entered a period of time, without discussion, when we weren't involved with anyone else. For me, it was a pragmatic monogamy. Being sexually involved with more than one person takes more energy for juggling priorities and being sensitive to the situation. Sometimes I had felt guilty , thinking the energy should be redirected to more "productive" purposes. This partly occurred because II we/she wanted to have a lifetime relationship. We thought we had to make decisions always first in terms of how our couple relationship would be affected. I think many same-sex couples work very hard at trying to continue a relationship, partly because there's nothing in our society that supports us in long-term relationships. But subjugating our individual selves to the couple has resulted in a fusion that makes separateness almost impossible. Apart from the fusion that has occurred, sometimes I ask myself whether I could be any more committed in a monogamous relationship than in one that clearly has primacy in my life but may not be monogamous. My ideal relationship includes willingness to risk exploration of the depths of emotional and physical intimacy, concern with the growth and fulfillment of each other and of the relationship, and, of course, honesty and trust. What becomes the issue in a relationship is the conflict of needs between my partner and myself, when there is no apparent, mutually agreeable resolution. If my partner desires monogamy and issues me an ultimatum to that effect, then if I choose not to be monogamous her/his trust is broken and other dynamics in our relationship are impacted. Because societally we have moved toward serial monogamy rather than a singular lifetime relationship, perhaps it is very threatening if a partner becomes involved with someone else. The implication is that a choice will have to be made, with the risk that we may lose our life together as we've known it. A few months ago, if anyone had asked me to talk about my personal sexual ethic, I would have had no idea what to say. Perhaps, "I have nothing to share ," or "I've never thought about it," or "I don't even know what sexual ethic means." Those certainly were my initial reactions when I was asked to write this article. Yet for some strange reason, I agreed. Looking ethic up in the dictionary didn't help me much. All I found were such things as "good and bad" and "moral obligation." But, when I began to look inside myself and to consciously explore this topic, I came to a surprising realization: my sexual ethic has been a process, one that started long before I was aware of it. For a long time, my thoughts, behaviors, and feelings concerning sexuality and sexual behavior were based on what others told me was right and wrong. The influence of my family and the church was strong. I accepted their teachings with the innocence of a child. But, as I began to struggle with my sexuality, I found I had lost my innocence. I could no longer blindly accept what I was being told. The message 16 Open Hands that God loved me but that my emerging lesbian identity was sinful put me in turmoil. There were years I could not reconcile these two parts of me. As John E. Fortunato has described his own, similar struggle, I felt I was on "a spirituality-sexuality teeter-totter. A rather unsettling oscillation. Reject one, lift up the other. Reverse. Reverse. Affirming a piece of myself while denying another." 1 The solution to my dilemma came when I began to question the messages I had received. When I was able and willing to look at the possibility that these messages were lies, I was thrown into an exciting, yet often painful, journey toward wholeness that could encompass my sexuality and spirituality. I finally knew that God loves me as a person and as a lesbian. Once I had questioned the messages about my sexuality, the natural progression was to question what others had told me was right and wrong in terms of sexual behavior. Do I deny my feelings and expression of those feelings because of how others expect me to behave? I had denied myself for too long. It was time to explore, to experi- Risking Intimacy ment, to determine what feels right for me. The question remained of how I would know what is right for me, especially when old messages continued their influence. In some sense, the process has been one of trial and error. Certainly, I have made some choices that were not healthy for me. But I have learned from them. As I've struggled for wholeness, I've come to understand a person's inherent need for intimacy. This is clearly understood in many psychological theories, such as psychologist Abraham H. Maslow's hierarchy of needs. There have also been studies of infants who were deprived of physical touch compared to those who were not. The deprived infants' development was retarded, showing the importance of physical touch to our well-being. For me, as for many others who have experienced inappropriate, negative touching in the past, accepting this need for intimacy can oftentimes be difficult and frightening. It can be a struggle to allow, accept, and take in the nurturing and love offered by another in physical I've generally believed that I should try to enjoy present experiences in such a way as not to injure future ones. I think personal growth requires close friendships with others as well as a partner. What I look for in all friendships or relationships is the experience of my own and others' vulnerability, openness to possibility, and re-energizing -all of which brings me and the other another step closer to healing or wholeness, refreshing us for whatever life struggles we're engaged in. f!owever, what is appropriate for me in one context may be only partially appropriate in another. If I experience healing or growth in a friendship, that will enhance my primary relationship. But, if my primary partner does not want me to be emotionally or physically intimate with another, the detrimental effects may outweigh the enhancement. I would prefer to be able to trust in the constancy of an enduring lifelong commitment. Serial monogamy is not appealing. But, as with all else, there are risks and pain involved. Why would I risk everything I have now? Why won't I promise monogamy and leave it at that? My ultimate criterion is whether a situation brings me closer to my personal wholeness. Then, it is not simply an issue of whether I am physically intimate or not in the context of emotional intimacy -it is an issue of whether I have the freedom to choose to be, and the freedom to choose not to be. I am not convinced that this is impossible, just that I haven't figured out how to make it manageable. I'm reminded of some words from a song: "We're travelin' on a road we've never seen before ... but somewhere there's a promise ... that those who seek will someday know." I We are moving into new times where old myths no longer work well for us. I don't know the answers, but I'm compelled to reach for them in the dark and in the moments of light. As I do, I need to be open in whatever way I can be, combining future and past, thoughts and feelings. Artist and songwriter Judy Fjell sings: /'m living on dreams for now And /' m listening to the sounds of my own past 'Cause there are things my heart knows better Than my mind can ever reason . 2 Notes 1. Doris Ellzey Blesoff, "We Are Gathered," in Michael Bausch and Ruth Duck, eds. , Everjlowing Streams (New York: Pilgrim Press, 1981). 2. Judy Fjell, "Living on Dreams." Peggy R. Gaylord is coconvenor of the Methodist Federationfor Social Action in the Wyoming Annual Conference. a Reconciling Conference. She reluctantly admits to managing a computer consulting group. by Jan Olson closeness. It can require the willingness to risk being vulnerable, the risk of opening up myself and sharing with another. My journey has moved me from the act of sexual physicalness, in and of itself, to one encompassing mind, body, and spirit. The need for emotional intimacy, which mayor may not lead to sexual intimacy, has become the focus. And in each instance I have learned to ask myself if my behavior and that of the other person helps to increase my sense of worth or reinforces the negative messages of the past. Do my actions affirm me as a person capable of giving and receiving love? Do they allow me to be everything God created me to be, including the longtime denied sexual being that I am? These are the questions I ask to determine what's right and wrong for me in other words, my sexual ethic. When I began to ask these questions of myself, I found that sexual intimacy took on a different form. I began to experience how this connectedness with another can have a spiritual quality that brings healing. As Rebecca Parker has written, "Sexual intimacy imparts to us a knowledge of oursel ves as a powerful presence, and love as enjoyment of the presence of power of another. As such, making love is a means of moving beyond a sense of ourselves as passive. It saves us from the sin of feeling helpless and empty, which leads to the horrible despair of believing we have no being.,,2 I have been blessed to experience this within myself and within the life of another because I was willing to be vulnerable and open. Sexual intimacy has brought healing and hope as I've allowed myself to express love and accept another's expression of it. Does everything I've said mean I can have intimacy, emotional or sexual, with anyone I meet? Maybe, or maybe not. The answer depends for me on two factors. The first is whether I feel safe to be vulnerable with this person. This usually occurs when I feel an acceptance of who I am and where I'm at in the present. It happens when I share my thoughts and feelings and do not feel rejected or ridiculed. The second important element in determining whether intimacy can be shared is the other person's thoughts and feelings. If I am not accepting of her or his personhood, any true intimacy is blocked and the healing quality cannot be present. There is no one sexual ethic for all. Each of us is different and must take responsibility for ourselves. We each must determine what is right for us, keeping in mind that it is a process, ever changing as we change. My journey is not finished. My process of defining my sexual ethic will continue as I change, but as long as I move forward in the search for wholeness I will continue to make more and more healthy choices. Notes 1. John E. Fortunato, Embracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians (Minneapolis: Winston Press, 1982), p. 12. 2. Rebecca Parker, "Making Love as a Means of Grace: Women's Reflections," Open Hands 3, no. 3 (Winter 1988): II. Jan Olson is a substance abuse counselor in Waukegan . Illinois. and national treasurer ofAffirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Open Hands 17 Developing the Christ Within T hinking through what ethics means for me has been more painful than I ever imagined. I found myself struggling first to get to the basics of a Christian ethical teaching one freed from the prejudices of culture, history, and time. This starting point has been particularly important for me as a gay Christian, since culture, history, and social mores have more influence on the ethical teachings that frequently condemn gay men and lesbians than do Christ's teachings. Of course, it is no new thing for human societies to presume to determine God's morallethicallaws. In U.S. history, for example, churches have taken what they claimed were clear, biblical stands both affirming and opposing such issues as slavery , women's rights, and subjugation of Native Americans. On a more personal note, I recall my West Indian mother's story of how she devoutly followed the rules of the church in which she was raised. These rules provided that she should never cut or "straighten" her hair. Such a transgression was considered a sign of moral failure. After coming to the United States, she discovered that Christian women here routinely both cut and straightened their hair without being damned to hell. It took years for my mother to determine that standards which the church had spent so much time extolling were nothing more than the temporal standards of culture and history. C learly, for principles of ethics I cannot look only to the guidance of the church, which frequently prefers an ethic based on cultural morality rather than wholeness and growth. Instead , I must go back to the basic source of my ethical teachings. I must find an ethic bigger than culture, time, or personal history. 18 Open Hands by Ralph Williams For me, the basic principle is to love God and to follow God's everpresent guidance. That means that, in my own living , I must submit to the life of God's spirit within and not to the dictates of culture. Indeed, it may mean submitting to the guidance of the Spirit in direct opposition to the prejudicial requirements of culture. As a gay man, this has given me freedom to realize my wholeness within the whole of the spiritual , physical, sexual life that God has given me. Coming to understand the difference between my faith and my culture was the beginning of the formation of an appropriate ethical base for my life. I have come to understand that Christ calls me to wholeness and not cultural ethics. I can now see that, like my mother, I had been bound to a culturally based ethic and that overcoming that ethic was my primary task. The ethic to which I was bound told me that I was not a good person because of whom God created me to be as a gay man. Accepting that ethic withered away my self-esteem and self-acceptance -the very basis on which any consistent internal ethic must stand. Any attempt to formulate an idea of ethics without self-acceptance was futile. I had to first know myself to be good to formulate and motivate myself to do good. I have spent so much time getting to self acceptance that I have only recently begun to address the resulting ethical issues that confront my life not those artificial ones that I had been given and had unwittingly accepted, but the real issues for my wholeness and integrity. I am unprepared to make definitive statements concerning ethical standards that follow on accepting my gayness as a good part of my God-given humanity. Indeed, my journey has made me extremely cautious in asserting the existence of universal ethical codes in any more than broad principles. What is becoming increasingly important, though, as I seek not just ethics but spiritual growth is to place myself within the context of open, loving relationships within the gay/lesbian Christian community. In common study and sharing of our journeys, I have come to know gay ethics and personal integrity in a new light. This ethic includes the integrity of coming out of the closet when remaining there can more easily protect property and prestige.· Within the community, I have seen an ethic that deals honestly and openly with a positive HIV status when denial could have been easier. These examples constitute more important issues of gay ethics than that of the sexual morality often placed before us. On such issues as monogamy and sexual morality, I don't pretend to know what is right for everyone. For me, a monogamous relationship is becoming more right as I seek to work on commitment, growth, and stability in my intimate human relationships. However, in many ways, the overriding question is not monogamy itself but whether or not I can give and receive the most intimate of human love in a life-enhancing way. Freed from a social ethic that condemns, I find myself growing more in my capacity for such intimacy. In the final analysis, I have too often found the social ethic to be the source of social bigotry and mindless conformity. Freed from it, growth has been possible within the gayllesbian Christian community as I have worked to develop my integrity through development of the Christ within . • Ralph Williams is a member of Mid-Atlantic Affirmation. He resides in Washington, D.C. RESOURCES General Ethical Method Niebuhr, H. Richard. The Responsible Self. San Francisco: Harper & Row , 1978. Outlines an ethic based on taking seriously human freedom and on a human place in a partnership with God. Oates, Wayne E. Convictions that Give You Confidence. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1984. A good, nontechnical resource for persons wanting to reflect on their own faith and ethics. Has practical exercises and suggestions for aiding a person's process of discovery and decision . Sellers, James. Theological Ethics. New York: Macmillan, 1966 (out of print). A somewhat technical but helpful book outlining some of the tasks of theological ethics in general, making distinctions about morality and ethics, and outlining a way to look at Christian ethics in general . sexual Ethics Batchelor, Edward, Jr., ed. Homosexuality and Ethics. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1980. Selections of several theologians and ethicists, showing a range of positions and their supporting rationales, with helpful critiques at the end. Harrison, Beverly W. Making the Connections: Essays in Feminist Social Ethics. Boston: Beacon Press, 1985. "Misogyny and Homophobia" is especially powerful. international Christian Digest 2: no. I (February 1988). Includes solid, brief articles on "Sexuality and Spirituality," "Adolescent Sexuality," "A Sexual Ethic for Singles," and "Aging and Intimacy." Kosnik, Anthony, et al. Human Sexuality: New Directions in American Catholic Thought. New York: Paulist Press, 1977. A solid study of the subject. The chapter on ethics presents a suggestion of new ethical values to be considered in sexual ethics. Scanzoni, Letha D awson . Sexual ity. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1984. Written primarily for women; helpful for men , too. Honest, direct, takes the power of sexuality and sexual experiences seriously. Spong, John Shelby. Living in Sin? San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988. Carefully explores biblical attitudes toward women and toward homosexuality, distinguishing from divine truth and the cultural worldviews of the Bible's writers. Strives to make the Bible a "source of life" and "a guide in the area of sexual ethics." Uhrig, Larry J. Sex Positive: A Gay Contribution to Sexual and Spiritual Union. Boston: Alyson, 1986. Explores why the church is so often "sex-negative." Posits that it is time to create a new sexual ethic that combines responsible, caring attitudes with a "sexpositive approach to life and religion." Spiritualify Edwards, George R. GaylLesbian Liberation: A Biblical Perspective. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1984. Argues that gay/lesbian liberation is a valid liberation theology and that homophobia cannot claim biblical basis. Fox, Matthew. A Spirituality Named Compassion; and the Healing of the Global Village, Humpty Dumpty and Us. Minneapolis: Winston Press, 1979. Makes suggestions concerning sexuality in a "creation spirituality" perspective. Chapter 2 is especially helpful. Hurcombe, Linda, ed. Sex and God: Some Varieties of Women's Religious Experience. New York: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1987. An assortment of feminist perspectives about sexuality and spirituality in the Judeo-Christian tradition. Subjects include, among others, promiscuity and monogamy; sex, politics, and spirituality; feminist "embodied" theology. Nelson, James B. Between Two Gardens; Reflections on Sexuality and Religious Experience. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1984. A series of essays about various religious issues, including homosexuality, from his perspective of a "sexual theology ." Nelson, James B. Embodiment: An Approach to Sexuality and Christian Theology. Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1978. The best single book on sexuality from a holistic, Christian perspective, with an excellent survey of theological and ethical opinion on homosexuality, and suggestions for ministry. A ground-breaking book. Section on love and sexual ethics lays out some of the important differences in method one can see in different sexual ethical statements. Nouwen, Henri. Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life. New York: Doubleday, 1986. Helpful thoughts for this area, keeping before us the broader issues of what he calls the three movements of spiritual life. Scanzoni, Letha, and Mollenkott, Virginia Ramey. Is the Homosexual My Neighbor? San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1978. Presents a case for a fundamental shift in Christian attitudes toward gay/lesbian persons. United Church of Christ, Board for Homeland Ministries. Human Sexuality: A Preliminary Study. New York: United Church Press, 1977. A report by the UCC's Task Force to Study Human Sexuality prepared prior to that denomination's 1977 General Synod pronouncements on human sexuality. Contains excellent biblical resources, with sections on ethical method and biblical interpretation. Persona! Stories Brown, Rita Mae. Rubyfruit Jungle. New York: Bantam, 1973. Novelized account of a young woman's growth. Fortunato, John. Embracing the Exile: Healing Jour ney s of Gay Chri stia ns. Minneapolis: Seabury Press, 1982. Excellent book on the interaction of sexuality and spirituality, and the invitation to growth that gay/lesbian/bisexual experiences of "exile" can provide. Has much more than just his story. Glaser, Chris. Uncommon Calling: A Gay Man's Struggle to Serve the Church. San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988. A gay Presbyterian tells of his struggle to develop a sexual ethic for his life, as well as to serve his denomination in a professional capacity. Oates, Wayne E. The Struggle to Be Free: My Story and Your Story. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1983. Personal story of a leader in the pastoral counseling movement and his various decision points. (Sexuality is not a prominent part of his story, but it illustrates the process of clarification of one's personal ethic.) Open Hands 19 SPECIAL REPORT Cloud of Witnesses: by barb ffi. janes The 32nd General Council of the United Church of Canada The 32nd General Council ofthe United Church ofCanada made religious news headlines around the world this past August with its proclamation that "all persons, regardLess oftheir sexual orientation, who profess Jesus Christ and obedience to Him, are welcome to be or becomefuLL members ofthe Church." Furthermore, the council stated that "all members ofthe Church are eligible to be consideredfor ordered ministry." "Ordered" ministry includes both ordained and diaconal ministers. In recognition ofthe historic nature ofthat declaration, we have invited an Open Hands reader who closely followed the United Church action to share her observations with us in this special report. The United Church of Canada. with about two million members. is the largest Protestant denomination in Canada. It was formed in 1925 through the merger ofthe Methodist Church, the Congregational Union ofCanada. the Councils ofLocal Union Churches. and 70 percent ofthe Presbyterian Church in Canada . The Canadian Conference of the Evangelical United Brethren Church became part of the United Church in /968. The United Church is divided into conferences which meet annually. Each conference is comprised ofpresbyteries. The General Council meets every two years with commissioners recommended by the presbyteries and elected by the conferences. The decision-making structure ofthe denomination is presbyterian. BLAM! A woman's startled cry ... a gay man hit the deck in fear ... then silence ... and then the rancorous discussion about homosexuality continued at the 32nd General Council of the United Church of Canada. The bang was not, thank God, a gunshot, but merely an exploded light bulb. Yet a gunshot would not have been a complete surprise at this particular General Council, which had on its agenda the recommendations of the report 'Toward a Christian Understanding of Sexual Orientation, Lifestyles, and Ministry." This report included the contentious recommendation 2a, which asked the church to "affirm that sexual orientation in and of itself is not a barrier to participation in all aspects of the life and ministry of the Church, including the order of ministry." Security guards patrolled the site, while right-wing Christian groups leafleted commissioners and held press conferences denouncing our denomination for even considering such an action. United Church congregations across the land had held meetings to discuss the report, meetings at which statements such as "We don't have queers in our church" and "Line 'em up and shoot 'em" largely went unchallenged. Despite the rather pervasive attitude of homophobia, most conferences had asked the General Council to approve recommendation 2a. The release of "the report," as it has come to be known, brought to birth the Community of Concern (COC), a male-clergy-dominated group within the denomination. The COC has only one spoken agenda: to keep gay men and lesbians out of United Church pulpits, if not out of the church. The COC couches its rhetoric in palatable, middle-of-the-road terms, emphasizing its "concern" for the church rather than its homophobia. It fosters a mistrust of 20 Open Hands the national church, uses a campaign of disinformation regarding church structures and how they work, advocates that people withhold their giving to the churchwide Mission and Service Fund, and threatens to leave the denomination and take "their" congregations with them. Two other groups within the United Church were hoping against hope that 2a would pass: Affirm, lesbians and gay men of the United Church of Canada, and Friends of Affirm, others who support Affirm's goals. These groups, founded in 1982, are poorly funded and geographically scattered. In the early years of Affirm, only a few people could choose to speak publicly and openly as gay men and lesbians. Today, there are a few more, but the situation largely remains one of "familiar faces, hidden lives." At the conference meetings, members of Affirm and Friends of Affirm wore buttons proclaiming "Oui Affirm." At General Council, the button campaign expanded to include T-shirts and sweatshirts with the same logo, making our presence visible both on the floor of council and in the visi tors' gallery. The festive Affirm booth boasted banners, an ongoing video on the rightful place of lesbians and gay men in the church, and helium-filled lavender and pink balloons stamped with the words: "Oui Affirm. We're here for good!" One irate parent was heard to exclaim to a whining child, "Never mind, dear, we'll get you a normal balloon." Important as all this was, the real impact was made by the loving presence of the members and Friends of Affirm who staffed the booth, including the mother of a gay man, a retired professor of church history, a nurse, an organist, a political aide, and many others. Their patient and loving presence melted a few hard hearts. S PECIAL REPORT Affirm and Friends had low expectations of this General Council. We were not at all sure that 2a would pass; indeed, it seemed that the best we could hope for would be yet another period of further study. Our request to the General Council Executive that Affirm's two spokespeople be given speaking privileges was turned down. The General Council of some 388 commissioners had to consider close to 1,800 petitions on the report (mostly negative). Of course, the church also had to deal with such other pressing issues as Free Trade, the place of children in the church, sexism, and the recognition of the All Native Circle Conference. General Council assigned its work to sessional committees, whose task it was to sift through the reports and petitions on a particular issue and bring back recommendations to the full council. Several of the 24 members of the committee which would deal with "the report" and the 1,800 related petitions were publicly identified with COC. None of its members were members of Affirm, although Affirm had expressed to the church its willingness to dialogue. The sessional committee worked to consensus: all members of the committee would have to agree or say "I can live with that" to any action or statement coming from the committee. The committee's first major decision was to put aside the report and to frame in its place a consensus statement on Membership, Ministry, and Human Sexuality. The statement was more than we expected and less than we hoped for. The "more" was that "all persons regardless of their sexual orientation who profess faith in Jesus Christ and obedience to Him are welcome to be or become full members of the church." A confession of participation in homophobia and persecution was accompanied by asking the church at all levels to advocate human rights for gay men and lesbians. The "less" was, and remains, that there is no enforcement to any of this, so that lesbian and gay church folk remain unprotected, especially those who are in ordered ministry. During General Council debate, the COC raised procedural questions as often as possible (and frequently inappropriately). They tried to make the council separate orientation from practice, a strategy that was defeated by laughter when one wag asked, "If I wink at someone over the frozen foods in the grocery store, is that orientation or practice?" Supporters of Affirm who were commissioners spoke about love, about the gospel call to be an inclusive church, and about the ministries of lesbians and gay men. Other commissioners spoke of immorality , abomination, sodomites, and, in one regrettable instance, necrophilia, bestiality, and AIDS. Such showing of naked hatred and the misuse of procedure did not help the C~C's cause. W hat was it that swayed General Council? How could they have approved the very thing that most of the church feared? Commissioners returning to their home presbyteries have been told that they were "brainwashed by the powerful and well-funded homosexual lobbying group." The story was told of an elderly woman who had come to the council absolutely convinced that homosexuals should not be ministers. She worked at the local arrangements booth across the aisle from the Affirm booth and watched the members of Affirm and Friends show unfailing patience, good humour, and tenderness, not only with one another but also with anyone who stopped to talk. Their faithfulness changed her mind. Affirm and Friends also displayed a strong loyalty to and love for our denomination, never once threatening to leave the church that is our home and birthright. Our faith was further evidenced in defining our struggle in terms of calling the church to be faithful, rather than speaking in C~C's winllose vocabulary. But most clearly, the work of General Council was the work of the Spirit, who eludes description and cries out for recognition. The COC has renamed the Spirit "the heat of the moment," but those more open to the ways of God felt an embracing wind of change, calling God's people to risk faithfulness, even if that includes being misunderstood and persecuted. But the United Church continues to be sorely tempted to a more comfortable faithfulness. The COC continues its campaign, strong enough that the General Council Executive has set up a committee to meet with COC representatives in the hopes of coming up with a common ground. To date, Affirm has never been consulted in the process that affects the lives of lesbians and gay men in the church. During the closing worship of General Council, a slide show depicted the life of this particular council: chil., dren, theological reflectors, youth, ecumenical visitors, theme presentations, the Native celebration, worship, lunch line-ups ... and not one picture of anyone wearing a "Oui Affirm" button or shirt. The theme of this General Council was "Called to Covenant," yet the place of lesbians and gay men in the church calls this covenant a sham. As one of Affirm's spokespeople said, "I feel like we've been invited to the table, but we've been given chairs so low we can't reach the food." But the last word in this tear-stained chapter of the church's history is God's. Hope has come to us in the sharp, clear sense that God is on our side and we will live to see God's righteousness. Affirm and Friends feel a deepening sense of spirituality which many compare to the spirituality that gave civil rights workers the courage to face bigots with no shield but prayer. We are learning to walk back to back and to keep on dissenting toward justice .• A copy of the United Church of Canada statement, entitled "Membership, Ministry, and Human Sexuality," can be ordered from the United Church Publishing House, 85 St. Clair Avenue East, Toronto, Ontario M4T IM8, Canada. barb m. janes is a minister in the United Church of Canada who has long been an advocate of rights and rites for lesbians and gay men. She is presently working with the congregation ofMount Royal United Church in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Open Hands 21 ~~~--------R_C_P_R_E_P_O_R_T----R-~-~-~-~-~OU-- Welcome to a New Reconciling Congregation We welcome the United Church of Rogers Park in Chicago as the 36th Reconciling Congregation. Rogers Park is well-known to many RCP supporters as the congregation which graciously hosted the convocation of Reconciling Congregations in March 1987. The United Church of Rogers Park, with 240 members, was created by the merger of two congregations , United Methodist and Congregational, in 1971. Its mission statement, adopted in 1984, proclaims Rogers Park as a "diverse, active, urban congregation, seeking to proclaim the love of God by words and deeds that free and heal." The congregation has been active in work against racism, in opposition to nuclear weapons, and in the sanctuary movement. The congregation is located in a diverse community on the far north side of Chicago. Its programs include a thrift shop, soup kitchen, tutoring, and outreach to nursing homes and to persons with handicapping conditions. The congregation provides space for a day care center, a Spanish-speaking "base community," and many other organizations. The congregation began its official journey toward becoming a Reconciling Congregation with the c0nvening of a group concerned with issues of sexuality and homophobia in September 1987. During its monthly meetings over the course of a year, this group engaged in study, prayer, and dialogue, culminating in the writing of a statement of reconciliation. This statement was then adopted by the Administrative Council and the charge conference. * * As we approached our production deadline, we learned of a 37th Reconciling Congregation -Euclid UMC in Oak Park, Illinois. We will officially welcome them in the next issue of Open Hands. What local church leaders say about our new videotape: ".. .an excellent tool for engaging in genuine discussion. " " ... a deeply moving film that helped me understand God's love better. " " ... definitely God's message of reconciliation. " CASTING OUT FEAR: Reconciling Ministries with Gay/Lesbian United Methodists Casting Out Fear poignantly tells stories from Reconciling Congregations, United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministries with lesbians and gay men. These stories portray the pain and estrangement lesbians and gay men feel in the church and the hope of reconciliation found in these congregations. Speakers include: Bishop Melvin Wheatley, Dr. Tex Sample, Dr. Emilie Townes. Produced and directed by W. Marshall Jones, 1988. 38 mins. VHS format Purchase price -$100 3~-day Rental -$20 Send your prepaid order to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, TN 37202; or call 202/863-1586. Beginning with the Summer 1989 issue., we will begin accepting paid advertising in Open Hands. For rate information or other questions, write Open Hands. P.O. Box 23636, Washington, D.C. 20026, or call 202/863-1 586. And God Loves Each One Published The printer began work at 4:00 AM on a Sunday morning, which allowed Dumbarton UMC (Washington, D.C.) to celebrate the publication of And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on Homosexuality and the Church at its December 18, 1988, worship with final copies in hand! At the invitation of the Reconciling Congregation Program, Dumbarton' s Task Force on Reconciliation began work on the resource a year ago. With Ann Thompson Cook as primary writer and with input from many sectors of the church and education communities, a concise, easy-to-read, and informative booklet was created. Personalized with photographs of lesbians and gay men in a multitude of settings, the booklet provides an ideal resource for congregations and individuals beginning to explore lesbian/gay concerns in the church. Initial demand for the book has been high and the response overwhelmingly enthusiastic, noting that it fills a gap in existing resources. Orders for over 500 copies were received before the book was printed! Every venture we undertake has its "miracle" element. As the book entered final production in early November, it became clear that sufficient financial support from foundations and private organizations would not be available to complete the project. A hasty appeal to friends of the RCP provided $3,725 in contributions from 20 individuals and organizations in the last month. We give thanks for the generous supporters and for God's gracious providence. If you have not yet seen a copy of And God Loves Each One, see the order information in the ad at right. If you would like to take copies on consignment to sell to others, call 202/863-1586. 22 Open Hands Rep REPORT Resources for AIDS Ministries We have received infonnation on two new resources available for congregations and other groups involved in ministries with persons with AIDS. An "AIDS Ministries Network" has been launched by the Health and Welfare Department of the UMC General Board of Global Ministries. Members of this network of "United Methodists and others who care about the global AIDS crisis and those whose lives have been touched by AIDS" will receive an AIDS Ministries Network Alert. The Alert will sometimes take the fonn of a focus paper and at other times will provide infonnation about AIDS ministry work being carried out by United Methodist churches and conferences. Persons interested in becoming a member of the network should write: Health and Welfare Ministries, General Board of Global Ministries, Room 350, 475 Riverside Drive, New York, NY 10115. Another AIDS resource available, also entitled Alert, is a monthly newsletter from the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC) AIDS Ministry. This Alert provides capsules of news infonnation on AIDS legislation , education, research, treatment, and ministries. Persons interested in receiving this resource should write: UFMCC AIDS Ministry, 5300 Santa Monica Blvd., #304, Los Angeles, CA 90029. Lutherans Issue "Call to Repentance" Delegates to Assembly '88, the biennial meeting of Lutherans Concerned/North America (LC/NA), unanimously approved a document which names the ways in which the church has sinned against the lesbian/gay community and calls on the church to repent of its sins. A Call for Repentance has been sent to the bishops and presidents of Lutheran churches of North America with an invitation for these leaders to meet with the leadership of LC/NA to develop a special plan for dialogue between the groups. For more infonnation or a copy of the document, write: Lutherans Concerned, P.O. Box 10461, Fort Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL 606 10. Wc.'it(. ~ S:tc"., :tD.. 1dl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. March 31-April 2 Semiannu:11 meeting of Affirmation: lfnited ~1ethodisrs for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, in Dallas, Te "as. Leadership to include Dr. John Horlbert, Perkins School of Theology, and Rev. Christine Darrow, assistant pastor at :\lCC Dallas. \'<'rite: Affirmation, P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, II. 60204. St,~HUh St,~ ... .. . ... ....... .... April 13-16 Southeastern Conference for Lesbians and Gay I ten, in Dallas, Texas. Write: Southeastern Conference for Lesbians/Gay Men, P.O. Box 190712, Dallas, TX 7::;219, or call: 214/471-6040. ~~/I. H(J~fk~ £~~ ......... . June 30-July 3 Conferen e for homophobia educators at the l'niversity of California in Los Angeles. Write: Camp:1ign to End Homophobia, P.o. Box 819, Cambridge, ~1A 02139. REMEMBER: February 16-18, 1990, are the dates for the second national convocation of Reconciling Congregations, to be held in the Bay Area of California. A path to greater understanding ... And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on the Church and Homosexuality This booklet's gentle, personto-person approach is a pedect starting place [or congregations or individuals dealing with questions about homosexuality: ~ How do people become homosexual? ~ What does the Bible say about homosexuality'? ~ What's it li ke to be gay or lesbian in the church today? "For all who feel the pain ofour tun.es, this much-needed booklet identifies a path to greater love and understanding." -C. Dale White, bishop, New York Area, UMC Written by Ann Thompson Cook, 1988. 20 pp. Published by the Dumbarton UMC Task Force on Reconciliation; distributed by the Reconciling Congregation Program. $4. 95 per copy $3.00 for bulk orders (10 or more) Please prepay your order with ]5% postage and handling to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, T 37202 Open Hands 23 P 0 RT-=--------_ ~~_ RE ~ RC_P________ UMC Homosexuality Study Commission Appointed The General Council on Ministries of the United Methodist Church has announced the formation of the 26-member Committee to Study Homosexuality . The study commission was mandated by the 1988 General Conference of the UMC. The study panel will meet over the next four years to "study homosexuality as a subject for theological and ethical analysis ... seek the best biological, psychological, and sociological information and opinion on the nature of homosexuality ... and explore the implications of its study for the Social Principles." The UMC Social Principles currently declare that "the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching." A swift response to the appointment of the panel members came from Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Noting that the panel consisted of only one identified lesbian or gay person, spokespersons Judy Cayot and Randy Miller said, "We refuse to bel ieve, no matter how open-minded or how high their level of expertise, that other persons can speak better to the realities of living as lesbian and gay Christians than those of us who deal with it everyday." Affirmation's request to expand the committee's membership to include adequate representation of the lesbian/gay community has been rejected by the General Council on Ministries. There are several panel members with ties to the Reconciling Congregation Program . Dennis Alexander is pastor of Wesley UMC in Minneapolis. Rebecca Parker is the former pastor of Wallingford UMC in Seattle. Jeanne Barnett is chair of the California-Nevada Reconciling Task Force, and Bruce Hilton is a member of Albany UMC in Albany, California. Other study panel members are: Rodolfo G. Beltran, Philippines; Jan Bond. Oak Grove, Missouri; David Diaz, Edinburgh, Texas; Victor Paul Furnish. Dallas; Sally Brown Geis, Denver; Stanley Hauer24 Open Hands was, Durham, North Carolina; T. Kevin Higgs, Birmingham, Alabama; James W. Holsinger, Jr., Richmond, Virginia; Bishop Neil L. Irons, New Jersey; Rachael Ann Julian, Birmingham, Alabama; J. Edward Legates, Raleigh, North Carolina; James Logan, Washing ton, D.C.; C . Dav id Lundquist, Dayton, Ohio; William E. Lux, Manchester, Iowa; Richard E. Martin, Indianapolis; Arthur Pressley, Madison, New Jersey; Tex Sample, Kansas City; David A. Seamonds, Wilmore, Kentucky; Claudia Webster , Portland, Oregon; Wesley D. Williams, Boston; J. Phillip Wogaman, Washington, D.C.; Nancy S. Yamasaki, Spokane, Washington. UFMCC Celebrates 20th Anniversary We offer a belated note of congratulations to the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, which celebrated its 20th anniversary in 1988. With its roots in a Bible study group in South Los Angeles led by Troy D. Perry, the UFMCC has grown over these 20 years to include more than 200 study groups and churches with an international membership of around 27,000. Rev. Elder Freda Smith's welcome to participants in a 20th anniversary dinner held on October 6, 1988, stated: Especially during times of crisis and c!wtlenge there is a great need to remember and to celebrate the miracle of God's deliverance. To lose our record ofhistory and to fail to celebrate our exodus from bondage that so many ofour people hm'e sacrificed so much to bring about, lVould be a tragedy. It would likewise be a tragedy for us not to acknowledge the many ways in which the UFMCC has been at the forefront confronting homophobia In our churches and our society. Reconciling Congregations Metropolitan·Duane UMC Wesley UMC Kairos UMC Hamilton UMC c/o Trudy Grove c/o John Human c/o Richard Vogel c/o Judy Kreige 20 I W. 13th Street 823 Union Avenue 6015 McGee 1525 Waller Street New York. NY 10011 Sheboygan, WI 53081 Kansas City. MO 64 11 3 San Francisco. CA 94 117 Calvary UMCWashington Square UMC University UMC St. Paul's UMC c/o Jerry Brown c/o P.J. Leopold-Trump c/o Steven Webster c/o Jeanne Knepper 1400 Judah Street 135 W 4th Street I 127 University Avenue 1615 Ogden Street San Francisco. CA 94122 New York. NY 10012 Madison. WI 53715 Denver. CO 80218 Trinity UMCPark Slope UMC Wesley UMC St. Francis·or·the·Foothilis c/o Arron Augcr c/o Beth Bentley c/o Tim Tennant-Jayne UMC 152 Church Street 6th Avenue & 8th Strect Marquette at Grant Streets c/o Christiane Heyde San Francisco. CA 94 122Brooklyn. NY 11215 Minneapolis. MN 55403 4625 E. River Road Tucson. AZ 85718 Trinity UMC Calvary UMC University UMC c/o Elli Norris c/o Chip Coffman c/o Dave Schmidt 2320 Dana Street United University Church Berkeley. CA 94704 815 S. 48th Street 633 W. Locust c/o Edgar Welty 81 7 W. 34th Street Albany UMC Philadelphia. PA 19143 DeKalb. IL 60115 Los Angeles. CA 90007 c/o Jim Scurlock Dumbarton UMC Wheadon UMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook c/o Albert Lunde 980 Stannage3133 Dumbarton Avenue. NW 2212 Ridge Avenue Crescent Heights UMC Albany . CA 94706 Washington. DC 20007 Evanston. IL 60201 c/o Walter Schlosser 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue Sunnyhills UMC Christ UMC Euclid UMC W. Hollywood. CA 90046 c/o Cliveden Chew Haas c/o Chuck Kimble c/o Alan Tuckey 335 Dixon Road 4th and I Streets. SW 405 S. Euclid Avenue Milpitas, CA 95035The Church in Ocean Park c/o Judy Abdo Washington, DC 20024 Oak Park. IL 60302 St. Paul's UMC St. John's UMC Albany Park UMC 235 Hill Street c/o Dianne L. Gri mard c/o Barbara Larcom c/o Reconciling Committee Santa Monica. CA 90405 10 1 West Street 2705 St. Paul Street 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Vacavi lle. CA 95688 Baltimore, MD 21218 Chicago. IL 60625 Wesley UMC c/o Patty Orlando Wallingford UMC Grant Park.Aldersgate UMC United Church or Rogers Park 1343 E. Barstow Avenue c/o Margarita Will c/o Sally Daniel c/o Sally Baker/Paul Chapman Fresno. CA 937 10 2115 N. 42nd Street 575 Boulevard. SE 1545 W. Morse Avenue Seattle. WA 98103 Atlanta. GA 30312 Chicago. IL 60626 Bethany UMC Capitol Hill UMC c/o Rick Grube c/o Mary Dougherty Edgehill UMC Irving Park UMC 1268 Sanchez Street 128 Sixteenth Street c/o Hoyt Hickman c/o David Foster San Francisco. CA 941 14 Seattle. WA 98112 1502 Edgehill Avenue 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Nashville. TN 37212 Chicago. IL 60641 Reconciling Conferences Central UMC St. Mark's UMC California-Nevada Troy c/o Chuck Larkins c/o David Schwarz 701 W. Central at Scottwood 1 130 N. Rampart Street New York Wyoming Toledo. OH 43610 New Orleans. LA 70116 Northern Illinois Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 4 No 3 - Sexual Ethics: Exploring the Questions https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/e539ac239f3856cb4993c3909d91f1e3.pdf 029e987241b881022d4dbf9aa539d537 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 4 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1988 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Text Any textual data included in the document ~1syour heart true to my heart as mine is to yours? .. Ifit Fall 1988 is, give me your Vol. 4 -No. 2 hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program Raising.---------~---~I Reconciling • ~,~ren The Godfathers ............ 3 by Mary Beth Danielson & Leonard Lamberg Ministry for the 10 Percent .. 6 by Ann Thompson Cook SPECIAL SECTION: Activities for Children ... 11 Loving My Gay Dad ....... 20 by Elizabeth Bowman V ol. 4 • NO. 2· Fall 1988 Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local church s who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In t his network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, incl ud ing Open H ands. Resource persons are a ailable locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling congregation~ Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators George Bob Mary Jo Osterman Typesetting and Graphic Design Linda Coffin Leanne Poteet Other Contributors to This Issue Elizabeth Bowman, James Brock. Ann Thompson Cook. Mary Beth Danielson, Gregory Dell, Roger Gil keson, Elizabeth Huesemann, Leonard Lamberg, Jeffrey Mahon. Todd Schuett, Nancy Swedlund Open Hands (formerly Manna for the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $4 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: (JpMHands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Copyright 1988 by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Cay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 Contents 1'1 hildrearing has never been easy. Neither has growing up. And to'-.I day, when many of the guidelines that have traditionally been used for parenting and being a child no longer seem adequate, both of these tasks may be harder than ever before. Yet they are still important. For parents, raising children not to be susceptible to society's many prejudices can be particularly difficult. In "The Godfathers" (p. 3), Mary Beth Danielson and Leonard Lamberg discuss why they are determined to raise their son and daughter to be nonhomophobic and what special challenges they face in their efforts. Ann Thompson Cook explores how the church can help parents in this endeavor in "Ministry for the 10 Percent" (p. 6). Homosexuality can pose a variety of challenges for parents and children alike. James Brock relates his experiences and difficulties as a teenager in reconciling his Christian faith and emerging gayness in "Gay, Christian, and Growing Up" (p. 8), while Elizabeth Huesemann puts the needs of lesbian and gay adolescents into professional perspective for parents and other adults (" 'Please Listen to Me,' " p. 9). In addition, Nancy Swedlund discusses "Mothering: One Lesbian's Story" (p. 10), and Elizabeth Bowman talks about "Loving My Gay Dad" (p. 20). Children and adolescents can find sexuality in general-and homosexuality in particular -touchy subjects to deal with, as Todd Schuett discovered with a Sunday school class he teaches. He tells us how the teenagers in his class feel that "Gay Is Okay (for Someone Else)" (p. 18). Young children -with their innate senses of fairness and empathy can show us all the hope of a future church and society where homophobia is no longer common. Gregory Dell in "The Children's Word" and Roger Gilkeson in "Loving the Different Ones: Three Children's Stories" (p. 15) share with us children's sermons on love and fairness that they have used in their churches. We also offer special ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN ("Opening the Closet Door," p. 11) with guidelines, activities, and discussion material for opening communications with children about homosexuality; this section was developed by George Bob, Leonard Lamberg, and M. Burrill. RESOURCES (p. 21) offers books on sexuality and homophobia for adults, young adults, and children. The RCP REPORT (p. 22) includes information on the ecumenical movement of local churches that welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Sexual Ethics 2 Open Hands e s odfat e I f you could see our toddler son right now, you would see mischievous, dancing blue eyes lighting up his rosy, round face. You would see his irresistible, irrepressible, toothy little smile. He has muddy shoes, sandy socks, filthy overalls, a damp diaper, and hands that are sticky from the popsicle he just mangled, slurped, and wiped on the cat. We adore him. We have given him heartfulls of love, too many toys, umpteen books, and two gay godfathers. It would be a lie to tell you we gave our son those particular godfathers because we want him to be "nonhomophobic and politically correct." Nothing about parenting is that cut-and-dried. That's what makes the whole subject of "raising a nonhomophobic child" so difficult. Not that it isn't important. It's just that everything about raising a child is important, nothing about child rearing is a sure thing, and it all happens a lot faster than we ever imagined! For several reasons, it is important that adults like us try to raise children who are free from homophobia. First, the attitudes toward gay men and lesbians we give our children today will largely shape the attitudes of society tomorrow. We have an obligation to the world not to perpetuate its homophobia. Second, for those of us who are Christians and parents, our faith and sense of justice demands that we challenge homophobia ourselves and teach our children to do so as well. We must help them understand and internalize that gay men and lesbians, like all humans, deserve love and respect; that gayllesbian love, like all human love, is to be cherished; that the gayllesbian community is a special and vital part of the human community. Finally, we want our children to grow up free. Homophobia, like any prejudice, twists and cramps with fear and hatred the lives of those who hold it. Unaddressed, it is a danger and a burden that keeps children from growing into whole adults. What's more , we want those of our kids who will mature into their own homosexuality to do so without the deadening constraints of shame and guilt. For all these reasons, we must address this issue if we care to parent our children in truth with love. This task is not likely to be any easier now than it was when we were growing up. Schools, media, and the ordinary people in their lives -relatives, friends, and neighbors -will continue to perpetuate homophobia. It is likely that we will have to purge unexamined relics of old prejudice in our own psyches. The task will be difficult, but if we really love our kids, we will try. We will try because we have dreams for our children. We can almost imagine a society in which the challenge of one's life was simply to grow up to be one's self. Imagine if girls didn't all have to be "sugar and spice and everything nice ," but it was okay if some were (our mystifying four-year old daughter among them). ( continued) by Mary Beth Danielson and Leonard Lamberg Open Hands 3 (continued) Imagine if young boys didn't have to carry live snakes and snails in their pockets to prove their incipient manhood, if it were simply okay for some boys to be bored by ball games, that disinterest in these activities was not a threat to their entire identity within this society. Imagine if the challenge of adolescence was to use one's mind and heart and not simply one's sex organs. Imagine what it might be like if all of us -heterosexuals and gay/lesbian persons -trusted each other. The dream is worth the work. I t is difficult to be a liberated person even in this society -the United States -and this time -the late 1980s. (It boggles the mind to imagine what folks of other nations or eras had or have to go through.) We may want to assume that freedom from want, fear, and hatred are givens. But we know they're not. Prejudice and violence permeate this society. The reality of homophobia is everywhere. Dealing with that reality without losing our dream is one of the most important lessons any adult can give any child. The first issue with which we must deal is simply that a lot of people want things to stay the way they are . They continue to believe -in spite of all evidence -that homosexuality is a "threat to the family". "What kind of parents are they," such people ask, "who allow 'homosexuals' to be involved in their children's lives?" We can and do counter with true, witty, and/or angry responses. Still, it is important for us to realize that sometimes we are going to lose the approval of people we care about. People such as our own parents and siblings, our co-workers and friends. We have to acknowledge this so we don't lose sight of our dreams when it happens, so we can respond with courage, truth, and grace. The second part of this lesson is even more frightening. "What kind of parents are they," these same people say, "who set their own children up for ridicule?" Make no mistake, taking a stand on homophobia does earn us criticism. We can probably stand that. But knowing that our children will suffer, too, is difficult. Most of us know how awful it can feel to be regarded as weird, un-American, "wimpy" -because we believe in and act on human rights. How can we expect kids to deal with this? It would probably be a good idea to raise children in an environment where occasionally recordings by Holly Near or Pete Seeger or some other woolly, wild, tuneful, radical singers are played too loudly on the stereo. Where the parents, who might not be very good singers or dancers, lip sync and dance their hearts out anyway. We are only half joking here. The point is that there is no demure and tasteful way to raise liberated children. Liberation, by its very nature, is about breaking out, being tough enough to act on one's tenderness . Homophobia is one of the most deeply entrenched prejudices of civilization. We are not going to free children from its snare by quietly telling them it isn't nice. We have to show them, by our 4 Open Hands own loving, reckless attitude, that it is okay to be different, that sometimes it is necessary to be regarded as nuts. Christians should be used to this. Our faith is about following -being "fools for" -Christ. We were never promised this would be a comfortable or seemly business. We were promised that Christ would accompany us as we accompanied, ministered to, and learned from the put-upon, ostracized, unjustly treated people of this world. This is what we are about. Most people agree that the family (however it is defined) is a powerful institution. Yet we who are the parents raising the next generation of humans, seem to be mostly conservative, tradition-bound, nervous, and unimaginative. We worry about the most trivial things -whether Johnny will keep his clothes clean, whether we should sign Susie up for dancing classes or piano lessons. Our world revolves around whether our teenagers clean their rooms and get Bs or Cs in high school chemistry. We have created this family and yet all we do with it is the niggling, nagging maintenance work of human life. Here we are, leading and directing our piece of one of the most powerful institutions of civilization , and all we want is to make no waves. Except that maybe making waves is what growing up is all about. The littlest child (believe us, we know what we're talking about here) craves to know he or she can influence his family, her world. So what better gift can we give our growing children than the heritage of a family that says right along that it is okay to be weird and act out? What finer heritage can we pass on than that of believing in causes and acting on them? " In Dan's death we saw the love and servanthood of Christ. This is what we want for our son to grow up to see, understand, and make part ofhimself if he can. " Maybe the most important thing we can do to raise nonhomophobic people for the next generation is to allow and encourage the development of their strong egos now. They are going to need them for this and all their other struggles. We tell this to ourselves every day when our son adamantly and insistently demands to pull all of the Tinkertoys out of the basket, when he insists on playing with stones under the back porch instead of nice, clean blocks in the house. We usually let him "get his way." These things are inconvenient for us but, we believe, necessary for him. He learns that he has a lot of power and influence in this family. We imagine-there are people who think we are "spoiling" him by "letting him get away with so much." Though we also notice that what most people do comment on about him is how calm and happy he always seems to be. That when we say no (albeit, in that certain tone of voice only parents get), he surprisingly often stops what he's doing (plugging the cat's tail into the light socket) and obeys. We have heard of a child development expert who, when asked what the magic three words of child rearing were, replied, "Example, example, example." We think about that a lot. We try to avoid stereotypes of how men and women act. Often this is inconvenient. We take turns driving the car, doing the laundry, accompanying our daughter to preschool picnics, playing ball with both kids. We admit when we are struggling with a task or an issue. We try to let them know that being an adult does not mean we have gone on "automatic pilot," that things are still difficult and yet worth struggling over (like writing this article). M aYbe these suggestions seem removed from this issue -trying to raise children free from homophobia. Lots of people want their children to have strong egos. Lots of people want their children to see their parents struggling to be free from stereotypes. How, you may ask, do you actually go about the work of convincing children that homosexuality is okay? You don 't. You do your best to raise strong and empathetic children. Then you make sure there are gay and lesbian people in your family life . You let their love, their stories, and their integrity become part of your children's lives. Most of us did not come to liberation because we believed this was the "correct" way to think. Most of us became friends with people and then discovered they were gay or lesbian. Fears and stereotypes crumble during ordinary human exchange. The process worked for us; it can work for our children as well. And you talk. You talk about stereotypes and fears kids pick up from society. One is that homosexuals are child abusers. You explain that this is a myth and that, if they believe it, they are going to lose valuable friendships and are going to be more vulnerable to anyone who might be a heterosexual abuser. You help them think about what it might feel like to be regarded as a criminal before someone even knew them. Kids worry about AIDS . You explain (you bring up the subject if they don't) about unprotected sex. You explain, once again, how a stereotype could kill them if they think avoiding gay people is the way to protect themselves from the disease. There is a theory that homophobia causes promiscuity. People (especially teenagers) who are afraid of being gay, or of having other people think they are, might engage in multiple sexual encounters to prove to themselves and to others that they are straight. Responsible parents talk about homosexuality as a legitimate alternative. They tell their children that nothing is proved by such promiscuity except the frightened immaturity of the person involved in it. And they remind their children that promiscuity paired with unsafe sexual practices, not homosexuality, is one of the risk factors for AIDS. As for language, we believe that attitude is more important than purity . Even the youngest children soon pick up the derogatory anti-gayllesbian terms. Maybe the key here isn't to respond with anger, to simply forbid such language in our homes (though we can demand that, too). Start with consciousness raising. Let children imagine what it would feel like to be slurred and slandered. Imagine if the very core of their being was an epithet to someone else. Remind them of this constantly. Kids are sensitive to name-calling, and they'll understand this well. They are facing considerable homophobic pressure in their lives from other kids, teachers, the media. In fact, it is important for parents to realize just how deeply children do feel. Don't demand perfection. Empathy isn't something any of us learned overnight. We nag, remind, continue to examine their world with them, in the hopes that they will grow to be authentically free adults. Now back to our son. Sooner or later, he is going to notice that he has two godfathers. He's going to ask about that. We've been practicing our reply. "They made us an offer we couldn't refuse!" In all seriousness, we are going to tell Max why we love and respect Otis and George. We will begin by explaining our beloved, mutual friend, Dan, who died of AIDS the spring after Max was born. We will tell Max of how Otis and George took care of Dan. How they dealt with the endless, irritating red tape of insurance and finances. How they helped coordinate Dan's medical care. They drove him to appointments, washed his dishes, arranged for a housekeeper. They were the ones who called Dan's mother and helped her around the city when she came to visit. And in the end, with his mother, they stayed with Dan as he died. We had always all been friends, but in Dan's death we saw the love and servanthood of Christ. This is what we want for our son to grow up to see, understand, and make part of himself if he can. Christianity isn't something one straight guy in a long robe preaches at all the rest of us as passive listeners. We believe that the truth and meaning of faith evolves when the community of believers gathers to talk, serve, and worship our God. Ifwe exclude certain Christians from the church, our understanding of faith will be diminished. We believe that our son will grow up all the better because of his loving godfathers. Our family is richer for them. We believe every family that takes up the challenge of opposing homophobia will end up stronger for the effort.• Mary Beth Danielson is a contributing editor for The Other Side and is cowriting a book with five other women for publication infall 1989 by the Chicago Collective. Leonard Lamberg is a creative editor for an advertising agency and has worked on several national ad campaigns aimed toward children. They have two children and are members of Wellington Avenue United Church ofChrist in Chicago . Open Hands 5 • Ministry for the by Ann Thompson 10 Percent Cook One lazy New Years' Day during a gathering of neighbors, as a father and I were watching 10 young boys playing football, I commented casually that, statis tically, one of those boys was surely gay. No way to tell which one, but what would it be like for him and for the others? The father turned and looked at me, amazed. Since then, I have had many such conversations, and they inevitably continue long beyond the day they begin. There are, of course, some people whose minds are closed. But in my experience, many people are hungry for information that they simply don't have access to in the nonnal course of their lives. "You say 10%? I had no idea!" "Why are people lesbian/gay?" I tell you this because I cannot write an article about "children's sexual development and the church" without thinking about the families that children are growing up in. Whether or not parents actively disparage homosexuality, they rarely consider it a possibility for their children or the other children they know. That is a powerful context to grow up in. Sexuality education is needed in the church, not just for children but for the whole community. We need to identify the insidious messages that make us all afraid to be ourselves --and deliberately search for alternative, affirming messages. First, let's define sexuality as being everything that has to do with being male and female: how we grow and change over the years, how we view our bodies, how we relate to each other, how we reproduce, how we are alike and different in appearance and behavior, and who we are as women/men, girls/boys. Sexuality includes intimacy, which has to do with our ability to trust another person. to become known, to share, to show affection and caring, to reveal ourselves honestly. Sexuality includes being sensual, which has to do with how we accept our bodies, the way we feel pleasure, the image wt: have of ourselves, what we know about our bodies, how willing we are to take care of them, our comfort with touching and feelings . And sexuality includes identity and orientation. Our sexual identity has to do with who we are as female/male, how we behave, and what we let the world see about ourselves as female/male. Our sexual orientation is what we feel inside whether or not we make it known outwardly -including fantasies, dreams, and attractions. We all know that there are many ways to be intimate, sensual, and male/female. There are also differences in the "objects" of our affection, as we develop loving relationships. Some of us are attracted to people who are tall and fair; some to people who are short and stocky. Some of us are attracted to men, some to women, some to both. So, we are all unique sexual beings. Our sexuality -and the ways we experience and express our sexuality -develop and change over the years from infancy through old age. As children grow, their experiences in their families, churches, and schools deeply affect their ability to explore and affirm their own sexuality. At age 6, my son discovered that he had little access to arts and crafts at summer day camp because he was in the boys' group, and "boys prefer sports." At age 8, he chose to drop out of a ballet class he loved because some children were taunting him for being a "ballet boy." For a science fair project, a girl in his 6th-grade class secretly documented the ways that teachers involved the boys more than the girls during math lessons. Clearly, children are still given powerful messages about who they can be as males/females, how they can express their maleness/femaleness. By the time children reach puberty, their opportunity to explore their own sexuality is limited indeed. No single message, however, is more powerful than the "rightness" of heterosexuality and the "wrongness" of homosexuality. On school playgrounds all over the country, children use the words fag , dyke, homo, and lezzie as the ultimate putdown. Rarely does anyone intervene. Yet many young people have strong sexual response feelings toward both males and females. For some, the sexual feelings toward members of the same sex will taper off or disappear, and they will learn that they are predominantly heterosexual. For them, adolescence is a time to explore at least their heterosexual feelings and to learn to develop intimate connections with others. 6 Open Hands They experiment with many styles of being themselves -coy, loud, strong, tearful, effusive, passive, sweet, obnoxious, silent. dominant. They discover great tolerance for publicly displaying their (heterosexual) affections in school halls and public streets. They learn by trial and error what they like in another, what others like about them, the difference between being turned on and loving someone, and so on. Other young people, who learn that they are predominantly homosexual, find it extremely difficult to test themselves out in these various ways. A central aspect of their sexuality has been labeled perverted. Their opportunity to be accepted by their peers depends on successfully hiding their true selves, on keeping their orientation secret. Add to this dilemma the overt gay bashing (verbal and physical harassment) that is tolerated and frequently encouraged in schools and other parts of the community, and you can begin to imagine what gay, bisexual and lesbian youth experience. Even if no one "suspects," even if the harassment is directed toward others, such youth must learn to cope with an atmosphere that explicitly and continually condemns who they are. If people do find out, the reactions are often intense. Youth from all walks of life -racially, socioeconomically, geographically -are suddenly disinherited, given one-way tickets and told to leave home, physically abused, and publicly humiliated. We now have evidence that such youth comprise 30 to 50% of the young people who are out on the streets. They comprise a significant proportion of the youth who are at risk for dropping out of school, abusing drugs and alcohol, developing eating disorders, becoming pregnant, and committing suicide. How hard it is to feel good about yourself when you are constantly told that you are "trash." Churches today have a unique opportunity -indeed, obligation -to support all children in developing a positive sense of their own sexuality. We can provide information and establish ourselves as a resource for children to come with questions. And we can give a different message than children get elsewhere: We can broaden the definition of "family" to include same-sex partners and "single" persons of all ages. v We can talk about bodies as beautiful gifts of creation, to take care of and use wisely. We can affinn that people come in all shapes and sizes and sexual orientations and develop continually, each in his/her own way -all of which are okay. And we can clarify, as Bishop John Spong l has done so eloquently, that we consider expressions of sexuality that enhance life good, those that dim inish life, evil-whether they occur in heterosexual or homosexual relationships. As people ofGod , our goal is to move beyond the "evil" in relationshipsexploitation, intimidation, manipulation, abuse -and to develop relationships characterized by nurturing, caring, and support. " The most compelling counterpoint to homophobia comes when lesbian, bisexual, and gay people are free to share all of who they are with the congregation, including the children. " In matters of sexuality, our actions do speak loudly to our children. Sexuality education is much more than what we say. The example we set is critical, and everyone is involved -not just the Sunday School teacher and pastor. but everyone in the church. It is time for all of us to examine our congregational "life" together and consider what messages are being sent. What are children learning from the games we play, the skits we put on, the songs we sing, the stories we tell? Do we accept or do we challenge homophobic put-downs? Do we assume that the children will grow up to marry, or do we leave their options open to their own self-discovery? Finally, we must remember that persons who don't know they know lesbian, bisexual, and gay persons are the most likely to fear homosexuals. We can and must give explicitly positive messages about homosexuality. But the most compelling counterpoint to homophobia comes when lesbian, bisexual. and gay people are free to share all of who they are with the congregation, including the children. In the process of being such a church together -whether we are singing, putting on plays, decorating for Christmas, studying the Bible, serving the community -we, and our children, can learn about and grow to accept and celebrate our unique selves, whoever we find ourselves to be .• John S. Spong, Living in Sin?: A Bishop Rethinks Human Sexuality (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1988). © ) 988 Ann Thompson Cook Ann Thompson Cook, sexuality educator and author. has written And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue about the Church and Homosexuality, a booklet to be published this fall and distribllted by the Reconcilillg Congregation Program. She is a member ofDumbarton UMC, a Reconciling COIlgregation in Washington, D.C. Open Hands 7 V ian and Growing Up by James Brock T he most difficult problem created by my homosexuality was to deal with the religious beliefs -I was raised with. Dealing with these were harder than the years of being called names, the years of being rejected by my peers, and the time spent trying to regain the understanding of my family. My religious roots are both Pentecostal and Baptist. Either of these alone would have been enough to have caused me severe mental problems, but the two combined, with my homosexuality on top of it all, makes me wonder how I actually did manage to make it this far with any feelings for God intact at all! I accepted most of the rules and ideals set forth by both of these denominations. I taught Bible school, Sunday school, led the singing for both the children's and adult church services. I understood the idea and concept of such practices as "Ye must be born again" and speaking in tongues while in prayer. It was made perfectly clear in both of these churches that: 1. Yes, homosexuals existed. 2. Homosexuals were damned to eternity in hell. 3. Homosexuals had no place in society. Of course, I never asked about homosexuality, or even connected what they were talking about with the fact that I was sexually attracted to other males. I always thought of homosexuals as old men who walked poodles on rhinestone leashes and wore make-up. I never thought, dreamed, or realized that there were, or ever had been, homosexuals who were my age. Since my first sexual awareness at about age 10, I knew that I was sexually excited by men. Not until about the age of 15 did I begin to realize that the people [ had heard damned time and time again, the people my religious leaders saw as such destroyers of morality, and I, were the same. I was one of them. It both angered and frightened me. It frightened me as I now thought I was doomed to hell. It angered me because I felt that all of the church work I had done had been done for nothing and that somehow God had let me down and allowed my soul to be taken by the devil. I tried to change myself. I prayed every day to have a sexual feeling for girls. I prayed that I would start liking sports. I prayed that I would stop watching sports just so I could look at the guys. But no change ever came. Religion had been my lifeline, my stronghold, the one thing I was good at. On the ball field I was always the last picked for all of the teams. Then I would proceed to lose the games by dropping the pop-fly/easy-out ball. Not purposely; I just could not get into the spirit of the games. And after years of verbal abuse I had no desire to try and improve my gamesmanship. But in church! I was a whiz at leading the songs, helping with the offerings and communion, teaching. And now I felt that I no longer had anything I was "good" at, and that I was no longer loved and protected by a God I had devoted my life to. My prayers had always been my secret solace, and now I felt I was just talking to the wind. For over five years, although I still remained active and involved in my church programs, I was only going through the motions. I still believed in God, but I had no real feeling that God believed in me. I was 20 years old before I found the feeling of God's love again. I was just finally accepting my sexuality, and facing the fact that, while I was going to Hell, life was still going on. I decided to confide my woes to my best friend. I had grown up with him and trusted him; besides, I could no longer hide my feelings about my sexuality and needed a release. To my utter astonishment, he in tum told me that he also was gay and had been dealing with these same problems of "God rejection." I was more fortunate than most in having this happen to me as my friend was able to introduce me to a very wise and wonderful pastor who opened my eyes, and helped mere-open my heart. Together he and I read the Scriptures which had plagued my life. He pointed out that each of them could be read to say what anyone wanted it to say. He showed me how beliefs differed from religion to religion. And that it was my accepting what people had been saying rather than accepting the feeling of love and peace I had felt before that was causing my pain and feeling of excommunication from God. As he said, I had been given life by God, and these feelings were a part of the Whole Me that God had created. After talking with him I began to realize that I had allowed my life to change and be ruled by mere bigoted ideas and ignorance. I was still the same person I had always been, and God loved me as much then as he did when I was 10. It was such a relief to know that I could be a Christian who was gay, rather than just accepting the fact that I was gay and trying to be a Christian. Religion and religious beliefs can be as strong as the sexual urges facing an adolescent -at least in my case they were. The question of whether or not to have sex is one thing, but the dilemma of wanting a type of sex for which you are told there is no forgiveness by God can be devastating. It is hard enough to deal with the taunting, the jeers, and being ostracized by your peers. But when your religion, the one and only security you have come to know, turns you away, the hollow emptiness cannot be filled in any way. It is unfortunate that everyone is not as understanding and caring as the person I was able to talk with. It is also unfortunate that by the time most young people discover their own sexuality, be ther gay or straight, their religious mores and values are 8 Open Hands pretty well set in. To someone talking with a young gay person who is confused with the conflicts of their religion and their sexuality, I would suggest that they convey the fact that they were created and loved by their God before they became aware of their sexuality and that that has not changed. What has changed are the sexual values and feelings in their lives. They must try to take the time to understand that they, like every other person who has ever lived, must deal with their religious feelings first of all within their own soul. Then, as I mentioned before, they must read their own Scriptures, and find that these can be read in many different ways, and that they must read and apply them to their lives as a person who is first and foremost a Christian, Jew, whatever, and then be a homosexual. It is in this manner that I regained the spiritual part of my life that I thought was lost forever. I am hardly a theologian , or a student of the seminary. I am a 24-year-old college student. My lover is 21, and devotion and worship of God has been an important part of our relationship for the past three years. Maybe my ideas and story are meaningless to most, but if they can help even one person to avoid the torment that I faced, then they have accomplished something . • Reprinted with permission from One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth, edited by Ann Heron. Copyright 1983 by Alyson Publications. Inc., Boston, Massachusetts. "Please Listen , toM by Elizabeth Huese:rnann Describing the situation faced by families who find that a son or izations such as the one I work for -Horizons Community Services in Chicago-are arising in cities across the United States to provide safe places for gay. lesbian. and bisexual youth. These agencies exist to help these youth tal . bout themselves in an open, accepting environment. By sharing their feelings and experiences, they can enhance their self esteem and emotional growth. For the first time, they can experience being who they are and can begin to love themselves. One of the you t h group members at Horizons wrote the following after talking about his parents: daughter is homosexual is difficult. Envision two loving people untouched in their personal lives by homosexuality and then confronted with it in a child they have raised. To the child, who has found the courage to reveal this hidden facet. it has been too much an integral part of his or her life to remain a secret or covered with lies any longer. But to the parents, homosexuality is likely to be unaceeptable. an unnatural state to be feared and -r- rejected. Their child can't be gay or lesbian but merely going through some bizarre stage of rebellion. They are unprepared to tn at I am still yo set aside the negative attitudes held by society to listen in an atto hear 1. l.L tempt to empathize with this now alien person. PLEASE LISTEN TO Many gay males and lesbians become aware of their atson. I traction to persons of the same sex at or before the time of pu- 1..----t'...--}J1- E and see and feel that berty. They frequently panic, feel ashamed, and hide from friends, family, and other adults in their lives. They have no Q d n't am loveable~.~~~one to talk to and feel lonely and alone within every sociaJ situation. They feel afraid to show friendship to a same-sex friend for -~~-;oclety to take yOU fear of giving away their sexual orientation. They lack access t information about homosexuality, including roJe models. Bewatch and yOU__ - cause of this, they believe the stereotypes they have heard about from me=..:-'~_-~-----homosexuals and. if they are male, worr that someday they 's no -will see that there_~ might end up molesting children or wearing dresses. Many deal with their secret through drugs and alcohol, suicide, and run--. g a child -..---. shame in haVln___ ning from the home. Homosexual adolescents are just as worthy as heteroWh~ eroea sexuals, and their needs need to be addressed and acknowl_ __-TI-edged. They need to be heard and loved. Fortunately, organ.- chance. -, EliztIbeth Huesemann is youth group director at Horizons Communir)' Cemer. , I - Open Hands 9 Mother-og: One Lesbian's Story Jewels Graphics Sa rita Johnson • am a lesbian and a mother of three children -a son, age 24, and two daughters, 17 and 13. Weaving these two aspects of my life together is a continual challenge. My children were born into a heterosexual marriage that lasted 17 years. I came out as a lesbian about a year and a half after I left my husband. At that time, my son was 18 and living with his father in another state, so he wasn't directly involved in my coming out. My daughters were 9 and 5 and were very much involved in the changes in my life. It was never an issue with me whether I would be "out" to my daughters. It had taken me six years to begin to learn who I was, and I was not about to go back into hiding in my own home and with my own family. And, in fact, my older daughter figured out what was going on almost as soon as I did! We were attending a church where there were a number of lesbians, and where gay and lesbian issues were quite openly talked about. My daughter put two and two together pretty quickly and asked me if I was lesbian. I simply answered her honestly. That was six years ago. During that time, we have struggled a lot with what my lesbian identity means to me and to my daughters and with how it affects our lives. Several factors have supported us in this struggle. My being an active feminist for several years before coming out helped to lay important ground work. I have tried to raise my children to question gender stereotypes, to respect people for who they are, and to value women's relationships with women. I think this helped make it easier for them to accept my lesbian identity. I by Nancy wedlund We have also been fortunate to be part of a number of supportive communities. We attend a predominantly heterosexual church where we are fully supported as a lesbian family. This has been immensely important to us, giving us a place where being lesbian or gay is accepted as normal and positive, countering many of the negative stereotypes that my daughters pick up elsewhere in their lives, and giving us a place where we can be open about our lives. I have also been part of a community of friends who have been important role models for my daughters. We have shared camping weekends, 4th of July picnics, and women's music concerts, and my daughters have come to know lesbians as strong women who love and support each other. Last summer we went to the Michigan W omyn' s Music Festival together, and my daughters found there the same sense of freedom and safety in women's community that I have found. I trust they will carry these positive experiences of relationships among women into their adult lives. • don't mean to paint an overly rosy picture. We certainly have had, and continue to have, our difficulties. When I was in relationship with a woman for three and one-half years, we had all the problems of other stepfamilies, with the added concern of "how do I explain this to my friends?" I find it very difficult, on the one hand, to tell my daughters that I believe being lesbian is normal and good and, on the other hand, to tell them, "this is probably not something you want to share with your friends." There have been resentments about "why does my mother have to be that way?" And, as my daughters have entered into their teen years, they have raised questions about my ability to understand their interest in boys. One of the most difficult things for me has been sorting out I what are "normal" parent-child issues and what problems are due to living in a family that is "different." I know I' ve had to make compromises for the sake of my children. I would undoubtedly be more open about my identity if I didn't have them to protect. I want not to make my life too much of a burden on them, and so I am particularly careful about my identity in our neighborhood. I keep my lesbian literature carefully confined to my bedroom. I am now single and don't know if I would enter into another live-in relationship while my children are at home. It's very difficult to know where to draw the line between my freedom to be myself and my daughters' very understandable need to fit in among their friends . What I try to do is find some kind of balance between including them in my life and respecting their lives. • n spite of the difficulties, I really feel I have given my daughters something of value by being open with them about my identity. I hope, first of all, that I've given them the model of accepting myself as I am, and encouraging them to discover and accept who they are. I see signs that they've learned some things about tolerance, prejudice, and the unfairness of stereotyping. They know , as I certainly never did, that they have more than one option for expressing their sexuality, and hopefully that will help them find and accept what's right for them. And I trust that they will carry into their adult relationships the images they've received of women who value themselves as women, and who value their relationships with other women, whatever form those relationships may take. I Nancy Swedlund is a member 0/ Wheadon UMC. a Reconciling Congregation in Evanston. Illinois. She is a graduate o/Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary and volunteers with Kinheart. Inc. She has been involved with/eminist theology and spirituality and lesbian issues. 10 Open Hands ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN • Ope ng the or Asparents and caring persons, we need to take seriously our responsibilities for opening the closet door and eliminating homophobia. This involves special effort to face our own homophobia and to enable the next generation to break free from similar attitudes and prejudices. One key to unlocking such attitudes is the process of enlarging our views of humanity to include the vast diversity that is present. This means recognizing gay and lesbian as two among many human differences. A part of this effort to counter homophobia also includes encouraging people, especially in churches and within families, to talk with one another more openly about love, sexuality, and gay and lesbian people. Thefollowing activities (as well as many books in RESOURCES on page 21 of this issue) are starting points for discussions with children. Do an activity together, or let children proceed on their own but follow up with discussion. The best learning is experience reflected upon . Encourage their questions, and be open about your own as you explore these aspects of humanity and our relationships. Our community has many different kinds of people and many different kinds of helpers. Helpers come in many different colors, speak different languages, eat different kinds of foods, and show their love in different ways. Helpers can be women or men; some are lesbian or gay, and some are not. In the pictures to the right , match the hats with the helpers at work. Draw a line between them. Think about each helper and how they help others. Firefighters put out fires and save lives. Some firefighters are lesbian or gay people. Nurses take care ofyou when you are sick or hurt. Some nurses are gay or lesbian people. Football players can be lesbian or gay; maybe they'll win the game! Police officers will help you if you are lost or ifyou need to cross a busy street. Some police officers are gay or lesbian people. (jor kindergarten and early elementary age children. A parent or teacher needs to read instructions and talk about the activity with the children.) Things to Talk About: • What are some ways people are different? [hair, eyes, size, color skills, gender, handicapping conditions, whom someone loves ... ] • What are some ways people are alike? [Feelings -happy, sad, angry, hurt, love ... ] • How do you think God feels about people being different? Open Hands 11 (for early and middle elementary children) (for elementary children) Things to Talk About: . Have you ever been called a name? How does it feel? Has anyone ever made fun of you? How does that feel? Have you ever heard people make fun of gay or lesbian people? Why do you think people do that? How do you think the gay person feels? • Do you know any lesbian or gay people? How do you think God feels about them? . How do you think Jesus would have acted towards a lesbian or gay person? ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN ~~ ,. A ~ ~ ~~~~ ~~ ~,~~~,'~~~,~~ Loving makes the world a happier place. When we share hugs with people we care about, that's called being affectionate. Being affectionate helps us all feel loved. There are many ways to show affection. Can you think of some? There are many kinds of loving relationships where people show affection to one another. The people in this church maze are all separated. They would like to be connected. Take a pencil (a colored pencil would be even better!) and draw an "affection connection" from each person to one or two others in the church. ~ ~.,. ~ ~~ ~~~,~" Qualities are things that people have that we can't see -but they're as much a part of the way we are as our faces or our fingerprints. Qualities are the inside parts of people that make them special. You have qualities, your friends have qualities, gay and lesbian people have qualities all people have qualities. However, sometimes qualities are hard to recognize when we're not looking for them. In the puzzle below, some important qualities are hidden. When you find a quality, draw a line through the letters. You might find the words spelled forwards or backwards, up or down, or on a slant, some may even share a letter, but they will always be in a straight line. The first one, TRUSTING, is done for you. When you have found all the qualities, circle the leftover letters -they should spell out another word for a gay or lesbian person. S E N 0 H H 0 R B R A V E C A S P E S M A M H P T C N R S Y 0 R U S E 0 X F N A N L 0 V G L E L T N E The qualities are HONEST, BRA VE, LOVING, GENTLE, HAPPY, STRONG, FUN, TRUSTING, NICE, CARING, SHY, SMART. ·7Vn X:3S0WOH ll<Jds S.l<JJ}<J/ 8U.lU!VUl<J.l <Jlf.L 12 Open Hands ••• A CTIVITIES FOJl £JJJJJJJI~ NEEDS OF AN AVERAGE CHRISTIAN PERSON: 1. _____________________________ 2. _____________________________ 3. _____________________________ 4. _____________________________ 5. ____________________________ 6. ___________________________ 7._____________________________ 8. ____________________________ 9. ____________________________ 10. ________________________ Imagine for a moment an average Christian person. Make a list of the basic things that person would need to be a happy person. Include both physical things (food, shelter, etc.) and emotional things (need to be loved, need to be accepted, etc.) How many can you think of? Now imagine for a moment a gay or lesbian person. Make a list of the basic things that person would need to be a happy person. Again, list both physical and emotional. How many can you think of? NEEDS OF A LESBIAN/GA Y PERSON: 1. _____________________________ 2. _____________________________ 3. _____________________________ 4. _____________________________ 5. ____________________________ 6. ____________________________ 7. ____________________________ 8. ____________________________ 9. ___________________________ 10. __________________________ (for older elementary children or junior high youth) Things to Talk About: • How are your two lists alike? How are they different? Why? • Have you ever been afraid of someone who is different than you 'are (someone in a wheelchair, someone who speaks a different language, someone much older than you are, someone gay or lesbian ...)? What did you do to deal with that fear and become comfortable with that person? What advice would you give to someone who is afraid of lesbian or gay people? • How many different people can you name whom you could go to to ask any questions you have about homosexuality? (Did you think about parents, church youth group counselors, teachers, nurses, ministers?) • How do you think someone who might be dealing with the question of homosexuality would feel sitting in on this discussion? Open Hands 13 ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN This section can be given to young people directly or used by parents and adult leaders to help them know how to answer questions that are asked. In addressing homophobia when dealing with young people both the subtle and the direct need to be utilized. Use the direct by sharing activities and discussions like those suggested here. Use the subtle by being aware ofhow we speak and the attitudes we convey about a variety of related issues. For instance, when talking with youth about dating relationships, do we always use "opposite sex" or do we use more inclusive terms like partner. By our word choice, do we leave the door open for inclusion and acceptance ofgay, lesbian, and bisexual people and relationships? Do we speak only of homosexuality as a problem, or do we include it in our general discussions of sexuality as part of the normal range of human behavior and emotions? We convey much by what we say, how we say it, and what we omit. Words are powerful transmitters of our values and attitudes. We must consciously change those transmitters ifwe are to open the closet doors for our succeeding generations and raise accepting and open children. What does homosexual mean? A homosexual is a person, male or female, who is attracted to someone of his or her own sex. Another tenn for homosexual is gay. Women who are homosexual usually prefer to be called lesbians. FAIRY, FAG, DYKE, FAGGOT, LEZZIE, QUEER, HOMO ... I've heard these words. What do they mean? These are all impolite tenns for homosexual or gay and lesbian people. Some refer usually to men: fairy, fag, faggot. Some refer to women: dyke, lezzie. Some refer to either: homo, queer. Often these words are used as insults to hurt others who seem different. Name-calling is a cruel way to make others unhappy. Why or how do people become gay? Can they help it? There are lots of theories, but scientists don't really know for sure. All that can be said for sure is that some people are basically attracted to the same sex. Being around lesbian and gay people will not make a person gay or lesbian. You are who you are, and no person or event can suddenly zap you into something else. How do homosexuals make love? Two women or two men make love in much the same way a man and a woman do. They can be tender with one another, touch every part of the body, kiss , hold hands, and use every other fonn of sexual relating that a man and a woman can, except they do not have sexual intercourse by inserting a penis into a vagina. If lesbian or gay people raise a child, will the child be gay too? Usually not. There is about the same possibility for the child of a gay or lesbian parent to be gay as for the child of a nongay parent (one out of every ten). Is it okay to be attracted to someone of the same sex, or will it hurt you? It will not hurt you . Some people are attracted to the opposite sex , some to the same sex, and orne to both sexes. However, certain people who don't approve of homosexuals are sometimes very cruel to them, so many gay people tend to be very private about their personal lives. Do homosexuals still have the same sexual body parts? Yes. Can I catch AIDS from being around gay and lesbian people? NO. First of all, most gay and lesbian people do not have AIDS. Second, AIDS is NOT passed by just being near an infected person. Body fluids (blood, semen, ... ) must be passed from one person to another (like in sexual contact or sharing drug needles) to pass the disease. If you have other questions, ask a parent, teacher, pastor, or another adult friend. The only dumb question is one that is NOT ASKED . • George Bob is curriculum director for a Catholic High School and has recentLy impLemented AIDS education with instruction in Health and Religious Education classes. Leonard Lamberg is a creative editor for all advertising agency and has worked on severaL natiollaL ad campaigns aimed toward chiLdren. M . Burrill is co-editor of Open Hands and is a director of Christian education. Background i~formationfor these activities is taken from Let's Talk about Sex and Loving by Gail Jones Sanchez with Mary Gerbino (Burlingame , Calif.: Yes Press, 1983) and Talking With Your Child about Sex by Dr. Mary S. CaLderone and Dr. James W. Ramey (New York: Ba/laline Books, 1982). 14 Open Hands Start with the children -where they are, who they are. Start with the faith -what it is, how it is. T hat, I think, would be the advice I would share for approaching the "children's word" on any topic . But it's even more important advice for approaching topics around homosexuality, the "scary" issue (to parents and other adults more than to children, usually). I move to the time for the children's word each Sunday with a few presumptions. First, it is the children's word, not just the Word to children. What they say, how they feel, what their experience has been, what they think -all are important sources of insight for understanding God's word. Second, it is the Word. That is, I try to reflect the themes of the adult sermon and the scriptures for the morning in the themes of my part of the children's word. Third, just as children are sometimes excluded de facto from the adult sermon -because of its vocabulary, length, or complexity -so too, it's fine to have the children's word a time for the children alone. In our congregation, the children in the sixth grade or younger are invited forward, while everyone else is encouraged to register their attendance, pray, and read over the scriptures for the morning. Then the microphone is turned off. All of this makes it more of a special time for the kids . Given that setting and understanding, what do I say, what do I do with the issues surrounding homophobia-heterosexism and homosexuality? First, I welcome any new children, and we all introduce ourselves. Then, I begin by asking the children, "Whom do you love?" The responses are, without exception, a wonderful menagerie of people, animals, foods, places, things, and God (sometimes, I suspect, because they know that this is, after all, church!). I try to have a bag of some toys and dolls representing the variety they might suggest. As they call them out, I pull them out of the bag. Then we talk about what ways it's okay to be loved and what it's okay to love. Their ideas and mine are often pretty close. Greg: "How do you like to be loved?" Children: "With hugs." "By people being nice and sharing." Greg: "Any bad ways to be loved?" Children: "Grandpa is too rough sometimes. " "Grown-ups tickle too much sometimes. " "If people want you to do things you shouldn't do, that's a bad way." Greg: "I think that's right. OK, now how about what we should love?" Children: "It's okay to love lots of things, except bad things." Greg: "Like?" Children: "Like things that hurt people, like guns or bombs." Greg: "But it's okay to love other things. " Children: "Sure!" Greg: "How many of you like boys? (show of hands) How many like girls? (hands) How many like some boys and some girls? (hands) Do you think that's okay? (kids usually nod) I do too. I think so does God. T That's why God made so many wonderful things in so many wonderful ways. For instance, we all may love lots of people, but we usually love some people in very special ways: our parents or sisters or brothers or best friends. That's okay too. As we grow up , we will probably keep loving special people in special ways. Adults do that too. A woman and man may decide they love each other in a very special way and decide to get married. A woman could also decide that she loves a woman in that special way. Or a man could decide that about another man. Some boys, as they get closer to being adults, fi nd that they like boys more. Some boys find that they like girls more. Same with girls. Sometimes as people are growing up they find that they might like boys sometimes and girls sometimes -all in that special way. Some people think all of that is silly or even bad. They don't understand how someone (continued) e by Gregory Dell Open Hands 15 ~~ ~Child.ren's ~~Word ( continued) could love someone in a special way who isn't the same kind of person they love in a special way. You know what? I think all the special loves are okay! And I think God thinks so too! The most important thing is that all of our loves be caring and loving loves, not hurting loves. Those are the kind of loves that God wants for us. That's why God made so many different and wonderful people in so many different and wonderful ways -just like you!" With that, I ask the children if they have any questions or last things they want to share. I try to respond as honestly and completely as I can. Even if a child is way off the topic, it's sometimes important to hear at least a little piece. Then, I count "One, two, three!" and all the children say a loud, corporate, and hopefully heartfelt "Amen ." P arents or other adults sometimes ask what the children and I talk about. I usually encourage them to ask one of the children. For this topic and some other more sensitive ones, I like to let the adults know about my approach and to encourage their feedback both beforehand -about how I propose to work with the kids -and afterwards -how they think the children received the experience. All in all , my experience with doing children's words on this issue in two congregations has been positive. Being in a congregation that is at least willing to grapple with the issue on the adult level is, of course, a prerequisite. But the guiding principles I've tried to suggest above are just as important. Children are real people who have just as much variety (if less anxiety about that variety) as adults have. We have a responsibility to share God's Word with them on this issue and on any issue that may have an impact on their lives. May God's grace go with us as we try! • Gregory Dell is pastor of Euclid Avenue UMC in Oak Park, Illinois. and has written for engage/social action Qnd the Methodist Federation for Social Action. Prior to his appointment to Euclid Avenue UMC, he was pastor of Wheadon UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in EVQnston, Illinois. Euclid Avenue is now in the process of considering becoming a Reconciling Congregation. 16 Open Hands Loving the Different Ones: Three Children's Stories By Roger Gilkeson Children's stories, told by members of the congregation, are a regular feature of Sunday morning worship at Dumbarton UMC in Washington, D.C. We have some wonderful story tellers at Dumbarton, so it was with some trepidation that I agreed to tell my first story several years ago. As I look back on that first meeting with the children ("This Little Light of Mine"), I realize that the stories I told had a connection to my later decision to open up more to members of the congregation about my homosexuality (see my earlier article , "Opening Closet Doors," Open Hands, Spring 1988.) In these stories -there have been about six now, of which three are highlighted below -I developed several themes: we are all equally worthy in God's sight; not fitting in with the majority might be a blessing in disguise; and people want to be known by their individual names, not some label that fixes them abstractly in a particular group. "This Little Light of Mine" The children had learned this song in Sunday School, and the idea was that I would talk about it with them and they would sing it while I accompanied them on the piano. It was Epiphany Sunday, so the theme was especially appropriate . As a child, I had been inspired by this little song, linking it in my mind with the biblical injunction not to hide one's light under a bushel, as well as the Parable of the Talents (don't bury them). I began by having the children close their eyes and experience darkness, then open them and look for images of light in the church building -the light streaming through the stained-glass windows, the candle light, even the exit light. Then we talked about the words of the song: "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine!" We discussed what kind of "light" the song referred to. I asked if they thought that children's lights and adult lights were the same size (yes); if people in other countries had different-sized lights (no); if rich and poor people's lights were different (no). I asked what kept peopIe's lights from shining (hunger, fear, anger). I quickly sensed that the children knew -they were really teaching us adults about an innocent desire to see everybody as equal, with lights ready to shine to make the world a better place. When they sang the song, joined by the whole congregation, I glimpsed a bit of what the church could be for the dispossessed among us. "Rudolph. the Red-Nosed Reindeer" This was a rather humorous story based on the familiar Christmas song. I told it during an Advent service in which the children were dressed as clowns (to be featured in the annual children's Christmas pageant). I dressed as a clown myself, purposely leaving off my red nose, which I wanted to tie in with Rudolph's story at the end. I asked the children why the other reindeer "used to laugh and call him names." They answered quickly: "Because he was different." Then I asked how they thought that made Rudolph feel. With little hesitation or prodding from me: "Hurt." "Left out." "Angry." ( continued) could love someone in a special way who isn't the same kind of person they love in a special way. You know what? I think all the special loves are okay! And I think God thinks so too! The most important thing is that all of our loves be caring and loving loves, not hurting loves. Those are the kind of loves that God wants for us. That's why God made so many different and wonderful people in so many different and wonderful ways -just like you!" With that, I ask the children if they have any questions or last things they want to share. I try to respond as honestly and completely as I can. Even if a child is way off the topic, it's sometimes important to hear at least a little piece. Then, I count "One, two, three!" and all the children say a loud, corporate, and hopefully heartfelt "Amen ." P arents or other adults sometimes ask what the children and I talk about. I usually encourage them to ask one of the children. For this topic and some other more sensitive ones, I like to let the adults know about my approach and to encourage their feedback both beforehand -about how I propose to work with the kids -and afterwards -how they think the children received the experience. All in all , my experience with doing children's words on this issue in two congregations has been positive. Being in a congregation that is at least willing to grapple with the issue on the adult level is, of course, a prerequisite. But the guiding principles I've tried to suggest above are just as important. Children are real people who have just as much variety (if less anxiety about that variety) as adults have. We have a responsibility to share God's Word with them on this issue and on any issue that may have an impact on their lives. May God's grace go with us as we try! • Gregory Dell is pastor of Euclid Avenue UMC ill Oak Park. Illinois. and has written for engage/social action and the Methodist Federation for Social Action . Prior to his appointment to Euclid A venue UMC. he was pastor of Wheadon UMC. a Reconciling Congregation in Evanston. Illinois. Euclid Avenue is now in the process of considering becoming a Reconciling Congregation. 16 Open Hands Loving the Different Ones: Three Children's Stories By Roger Gilkeson Children's stories, told by members of the congregation, are a regular feature of Sunday morning worship at Dumbarton UMC in Washington, D.C . We have some wonderful story tellers at Dumbarton, so it was with some trepidation that I agreed to tell my first story several years ago. As I look back on that first meeting with the children ("This Little Light of Mine"), I realize that the stories I told had a connection to my later decision to open up more to members of the congregation about my homosexuality (see my earlier article, "Opening Closet Doors," Open Hands, Spring 1988.) In these stories -there have been about six now, of which three are highlighted below -I developed several themes: we are all equally worthy in God's sight; not fitting in with the majority might be a blessing in disguise; and people want to be known by their individual names, not some label that fixes them abstractly in a particular group. "This Little Light of Mine" The children had learned this song in Sunday School, and the idea was that I would talk about it with them and they would sing it while I accompanied them on the piano. It was Epiphany Sunday, so the theme was especially appropriate. As a child, I had been inspired by this little song, linking it in my mind with the biblical injunction not to hide one's light under a bushel, as well as the Parable of the Talents (don't bury them). I began by having the children close their eyes and experience darkness, then open them and look for images of light in the church building -the light streaming through the stained-glass windows, the candle light, even the exit light. Then we talked about the words of the song: "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine!" We discussed what kind of "light" the song referred to. I asked if they thought that children's lights and adult lights were the same size (yes); if people in other countries had different-sized lights (no); if rich and poor people's lights were different (no). I asked what kept people's lights from shining (hunger, fear, anger). I quickly sensed that the children knew -they were really teaching us adults about an innocent desire to see everybody as equal , with lights ready to shine to make the world a better place. When they sang the song, joined by the whole congregation, I glimpsed a bit of what the church could be for the dispossessed among us. "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" This was a rather humorous story based on the familiar Christmas song. I told it during an Advent service in which the children were dressed as clowns (to be featured in the annual children's Christmas pageant). I dressed as a clown myself, purposely leaving off my red nose, which I wanted to tie in with Rudolph's story at the end. I asked the children why the other reindeer "used to laugh and call him names." They answered quickly: "Because he was different." Then I asked how they thought that made Rudolph feel. With little hesitation or prodding from me: "Hurt." "Left out." "Angry." I told the children that I had wondered why Rudolph hadn't run away after being treated so badly by his friends. In searching for an answer to this question, I told them I had finally located Rudolph's diary. I discovered in the diary that Rudolph had hung in there -to grow up to be the greatest reindeer of all -because he had gone to his parents and told them how badly he felt. And his parents, in addition to being loving and warm, had reminded him of the song he had learned in reindeer Sunday school -you guessed it: "This Little Light of Mine." His mother suggested that Rudolph's little light must want to shine so much that it was trying to come out through his nose! And so, I explained, a reassured Rudolph, with his shiny nose, became the leader, lighting Santa's way through the fog so that the presents could be delivered on Christmas. Then, in sympathy with Rudolph, I put red grease paint on my nose. I quietly offered to add the red nose to other children who wanted it, including a baby who smiled as I touched her tiny nose. The main point of "Rudolph" was that feeling different and rejected could ultimately lead to awareness of a talent that would later blossom forth to be wonderful ("The last shall be first.") For the child who might be gay or lesbian -or has some other quality that separates him or her from the rest-that is something he or she really needs to hear. When you don't fit in and feel you have to hide, you gain relief from knowing that others have had to struggle with feeling different and have somehow triumphed. The lesson for the others might be simply that it hurts to call other people names. The symbolic identification with the rejected Rudolph by choosing to wear a red nose gave another meaning to the story: what would happen if people chose a symbolic identification with those that had been rejected as different? Labels Continuing the theme of namecalling begun in the Rudolph story, another Sunday I brought in stick-on name tags. I explained that these were called "labels" and were useful for identifying each other's names. We all wrote our names on the labels and stuck them on so we could call each other by name. I explained that sometimes I cover up my own name by thinking badly about myself. I wrote the word "Stupid" on another tag and covered up my name tag with it. I wasn't "Roger"; I was "Stupid." I showed how difficult it is to separate the two labels, which were well stuck together. This is what happens when we don't remember who we really are. It's hard to let our lights shine when we cover up our selves with bad feelings . And it can be equally hurtful to others when we label them. We cover up their names by thinking of them as simply part of a group. We call them "fat," or "homeless," or "enemy." "And if I don't know your name," I added, "I think of each of you as some little kid, rather than as the special, individual, and important person each of you is. If you don't know my name, you think of me as just 'that man with a beard. '" (One little boy David -surprised me at this point by exclaiming, "That's true !") "So let's remember what labels are for," I said. "They're for helping us learn each other's names, not for sticking people into groups that keep us from knowing them as real people, people with names like us." A s I talked with the children, telling them these stories, I was impressed by their instinctive sense of fairness. When given a choice, they always picked the simple answer of empathy with the other. In "This Little Light," for example, they intuitively sensed that everyone -the plain and the fancy, the rich and the poor -all have lights the same size, just waiting to shine. And perhaps more important, they understood what keeps their lights from shining, whether it be physical (hunger) or mental (fear or anger). They also identified with Rudolph -we all feel like outcasts at one time or another -and understood his feeling left out Uust as gay/lesbian people sometimes feel left out). In "Labels," they quickly grasped the idea that kids are just kids until we call them by their names, and then they become special, personal, real Uust as gay and lesbian people are just "homosexuals" until we know them in their complexity and fullness as individuals). These concepts, deceptively simpIe, are at the heart of the struggle, I feel, for acceptance of gay people within the church. It is the innocence of children, their innate sense of fairness and empathy with the powerless, that we need to nurture. The themes of my stories, I realize in retrospect, are ones the child in me wanted and needed to hear again. Telling the stories helped me clarify my own ideas about fairness, about being different from the majority, and about being accepted as a whole person. They were both an outlet for me -a way to express myself and my ideas to the children and the adults in my congregation -and a means by which I was unconsciously healing something in myself. Adults could hear the themes -all related to nonjudgmentallove and God's grace -and easily relate them to specifically gay/lesbian concerns. Children, I hoped, would simply find some positive meaning in their lives as they grow up in a world of pressures to conform and fears about being different. • Roger Gilkeson is an editor at the National 111stitutes ofHealth. He lives in Washington. D.C.. and is a member of Dumbarton UMC. a Reconciling Congregation. Open Hands 17 r,w bout no single topic do adolescents know so much (jJII and yet so little as homosexuality. Likewise, about no other sex-related topic do adolescents want to discuss so much and yet so little as homosexuality. It is approachavoidance: they want to talk about it, but they don't want to appear interested in it. At various points in history, homosexuality has been considered the noblest of all loves, a gift from God, the most heinous of sins, the grounds for execution, and a psychological condition. But what do adolescents think? What are their images of gay men and lesbians? How do they feel about friendships with lesbians and gay men? What sort of value judgments do preteens and teenagers place on homosexual relationships? These questions were going through my mind as I began interviewing groups of junior high school students within the context of three sessions of a Sunday school sexuality course. The eight adolescents involved were children of members of a small, liberal, Protestant, social activist church located on the north side of Chicago. This church, which also houses a Metropolitan Community Church parish, is open and affirming of homosexuality. Groups, instead of individuals, were interviewed in order to create an interactive atmosphere among the adolescents. The group size ranged from three to six individuals. Ages ranged from II to 14. Each session started with a general question to elicit attitudes and images of homosexuality. We used role playing and situational problem-solving to bring out individual feelings about homosexual relationships and friendships. The interviews were informal. I told the groups I was interested in their honest and candid thoughts. I sometimes gave them a scapegoat, to keep their responses genuine, by asking them what their "friends" thought. These adolescents became very quiet when the conversation turned to homosexuality. At the same time, they were very interested in who was gay. They wanted to know names and how I knew them and if I was gay. Their curiosity was almost feverish, as if they were starved for any information -all the while checking themselves to not show too much interest. Their curiosity spotlights one truth about this culture: no one wants to talk to youth about homosexuality . By the time they have reached puberty, adolescents have developed many of their ideas and images of homosexual people. They "know" how a gay man dresses, talks, walks, and acts. How do they know? As one young woman put it, "Well, you just know!" An adolescent is much like a corporation with many stockholders. Each of the stockholders -friends, parents, teachers, church, radio, television -seeks to maintain an influence on one or more divisions of the corporate adolescent. Occasionally these stockholders fight among themselves for controlling interest in the life of the corporation. On rare occasions, they work together. The two most powerful stockholders of the corporate adolescent are usually the peer group and the television. Both of these have a strong effect on an adolescent's attitudes toward homosexuality. Yet, in the area of stereotyping gay men, television is the major stockholder. 18 Open Hands The predominant stereotype was the Michael Jackson motif. Masculine men such as athletes were definitely not gay. Feminine men were definitely gay. When articulating her image of a homosexual person, one 12-year-old girl said, "Sort of like Michael Jackson; you know, a guy who has long hair and a high voice and walks like a woman." In the minds of many of these youth, gay equaled feminine. This stereotype played itself out in interactions with supposed homosexuals. One 13-year-old boy spoke of another boy his same age whom he suspected of being gay. "He always got real close to you when he talked to you ... and he touched you on the arm like a girl would ... and he was always saying 'Hi,' (a long, drawn out, and breathy 'hi'). He was weird." If a male's body language , voice, or gestures contained anything smacking of femininity, an adolescent automatically thought of him as gay. The feminine gay man was a negative stereotype -especially for the adolescent boys. Their tone of voice and posture indicated disapproval-though none of them ever said "I don't like gays." The adolescent girls, however, did not seem to care much one way or the other. My theory was that the stereotypical gay man was an implicit threat to an adolescent boy's developing masculinity. They felt threatened because their own sexuality was untried -or, if tried, unconfirmed. Television and peers have told them that gay equals feminine, and male femininity is weird. And very few adolescent boys respect weird . The youth I interviewed did not stereotype lesbians. None of them could think of any lesbians they knew -either their own age or adults. They operated on the assumption that when one is talking about homosexuals, one is talking about men. I continually redirected the interviews to include lesbians. Only one adolescent, a 13-year-old girl, verbally acknowledged the existence of lesbians. Most all the attitudes toward lesbian women were the opposite of attitudes toward gay men. When asked if they might consider a friendship with a lesbian, each said that would be okay. However, a few boys had indicated that they would probably never have a gay friend. What makes a lesbian an acceptable friend but not a gay man? What became clear during the interviews was that youth are not as opinionated about lesbians as they are about gay men. Lesbians are an unknown category, a mystery. The boys feared two things from gay men: assault and AIDS. While we were discussing what their friends thought about gay men, one 12-year-old boy remarked "My friends don't mind it, but they say they want to stay away from it. ... They are afraid of being assaulted." The articulation of this fear denoted a disturbing image ofgay men: an image of the dirty old man hanging out near the school yard. Within the minds of some adolescents, a reasonable fear of assault or molestation from a stranger has become an unreasonable fear of all homosexual men. This fear is further compounded by AIDS. When asked if knowing a person was gay might make a difference in how they interacted with that person, most of the youth said "No." A few said "Yes," their reason being that they didn't want to catch AIDS. Their reasoning was very straightforward: gay men are the primary carriers of AIDS, and, if one has contact with a gay man, one can contract AIDS (supposedly by shaking hands or breathing the same air). I told them that AIDS cannot be transmitted through casual contact but through an exchange of body fluids. They acknowledged that I was correct. But I got the feeling I had missed the point of their reasoning, that something bigger was going on. For those who fear, assault and AIDS are symptomatic of a greater, more diffuse fear: homophobia. Although the adolescents I interviewed expressed a number of negative attitudes toward homosexuality, they made it very clear that "Gay is okay." One 13-year-old boy, when referring to friends he had made through the Metropolitan Community Church, said, "They're normal people too!" He seemed only slightly surprised that gay men didn't act like their television versions. Another 14-year-old boy said he could interact with gays on a normal level without feeling the slightest bit of unease. Most of the adolescents agreed that the environment of their church led to an accepting attitude. None of them placed a value judgment of "bad" or "wrong" on homosexuality. As one adolescent put it, "A gay is a gay." But these youth made it clear that homosexuality was not for them. After acknowledging that gay and lesbian people are normal, one 13-year-old boy added, "But I'm not going to get in love with them or anything. " Adolescents have a need to assert their own sexuality. Because their sexuality is untried or unconfirmed, it is a supposed sexuality. They might grudgingly accept gay men and lesbians, but they do not w~n~ to ~e thought of as gay. In the minds of many adolescents, It IS gUilt by association. In addition, youth cannot fully affirm lesbians and gay men because the media and the friends consider it deviant or weird. Perhaps adolescents would like to fully affirm and accept homosexuality, but no one tells them how to do it and still remain socially acceptable. dolescents are a delightful jumble of dualisms and contradictions. They are asked to make sense of a culture and a society that doesn't know how to make sense of itself. Television portrays a negative stereotype; their friends and the media instill the fear of assault and AIDS, and all the while adolescents know of few positive role models or people to talk to about homosexuality. These particular you th are doing well to express any accepting attitudes, especially when they are given little help in formulating these attitudes. They don't know how to express their interest -but they want to talk about homosexuality. As one 12-year-old girl said, "If I know who they are, I can see how they act, and then I can see that they are normal people, too." • Todd Schuett is a seminary student at the University of Chicago. He teaches a teen Sunday School class at Wellington Avenue United Church of Christ in Chicago. where he is an intern. Open Hands 19 Loving My Gay Dad by Elizabeth Bowman I don't remember when I was first told my father was gay. I do remember I had lots of questions. I didn't know what gay meant or why my dad was gay until I got older. A few times I used to wish it was all a dream and when I woke up it wouldn't be there, but it always was. Learning to ask questions helped me to understand it more. My dad was very helpful. I could always ask him anything, but a lot of the time I was too embarrassed to ask or tell him anything. My mother was also extremely supportive. She saw my sister Rachel and me through times we thought things like, "Maybe he doesn't love me because I'm a girl." Most of my dad's friends are really nice, and they don't act differently than anybody else. I've only told two of my friends, because most other kids in my class think the first person they see walking down the street who looks the slightest bit different is gay. Ifsome of them found out, they'd think , "Her father's gay so she must be a lesbian," or "Since her father is gay she probably has AIDS." I don't mean that that should bother me, but it does. The two friends I have told do understand, especially Melanie. They don't treat me any differently than they ever did, but they watch so they don't say anything offensive. We don't talk about my dad much, but if they ever have questions, usually they ask. All people have different ideas. Sometimes I read or hear that talk about gay men and lesbians being against God. I believe God created and loves all people, including lesbians and gay men. I don't know if I'd be different if my father wasn't gay, but now I know I'm not prejudiced. My father being gay has helped me see people for who, not what, they are .• Elizabeth Bowman is in the eighth grade at St. Stephen's School in Cleveland. Ohio. 20 Open Hands RESOURCES BOOKS FOR ADULTS C hild Rearing Carmichael, Carrie. Non-Sexist Childraising. Boston: Beacon, 1977. Describes what it means and how to raise children in a nonsexist, anti homophobic environment. Pogrebin, Letty Cottin. Growing Up Free: Raising Your Child in the '80s. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1980. Well-written book on nonsexist child rearing . One chapter discusses "Homosexuality, Hysteria and Children: How Not to Be a Homophobic Parent." Pollack, Sandra, and Jeanne Vaughan, eds. Politics of the Heart. Ithaca, N.Y. : Firebrand Books, 1987. Stories, poems, and music by lesbians for a variety of uses, including parenting and games for children. Children ofLesbian/Gay Parents Gantz, Joe. Whose Child Cries: Children of Gay Parents Talk about Their Lives. Rolling Hills Estates, Calif.: Jalmar Press, 1983. Children in five families talk about what it is like to be raised in households with lesbian or gay male parents. Hanscombe, Gillian E., and Jackie Forster. Rocking the Cradle -Lesbian Mothers: A Challenge in Family Living. Boston: Alyson, 1982. Includes discussion of how children feel about growing up with lesbian mothers and the special implications of lesbian motherhood. Schullenburg, Joy. Gay Parenting. Garden City, N. Y.: Anchor PresslDoubleday, 1985. A guide to help lesbians and gay men with the special challenges they are likely to face in parenting. Educating about Sexuality and Homophobia American Friends Service Committee. Bridges of Respect: Creating Support for Lesbian and Gay Youth. Philadelphia: AFSC, 1988. Provides basic discussion of homophobia in the context of working with young people. Good bibliography of publications, organizations, and other resources. Available for $7 .50 from AFSC, 1501 Cherry Street, Philadelphia, PA 19102. Bell, Ruth, and Leni Ziegler Wildflower. Talking with Your Teenager: A Book for Parents. New York: Random House, 1984. Discusses how to improve communication on all aspects of parent/teen relationships, including lesbian/gay concerns. Human Rights Foundation, Inc. Demystifying Homosexuality: A Teaching Guide about Lesbians and Gay Men. New York: Irvington, 1984. Excellent educational resource to help teachers and counselors teach students about homosexuality. Interracial Books for Children Bulletin. Double issue on "Homophobia and Education." Vol. 14, nos. 3&4, 1983. Discusses homophobia and its relationship to sexism and racism and how education of children and youth can help challenge all these forms of prejudice and fear. Planned Parenthood. How to Talk with Your Child about Sexuality: A Parent's Guide. Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1986. A detailed book to help parents teach children about sexuality. Chapter on "The Top Seven Questions" includes homosexuality. BOOKS FOR YOUNG ADULTS Fiction Brown, Rita Mae. Rubyfruit Jungle. New York: Bantam, 1973. An impoverished teenage girl in the South comes out to herself and her friends. A classic. Futcher, Jane . Crush. Boston: Little, Brown, 1981. A friendship between two girls in boarding school blossoms into romantic attraction. Garden, Nancy. Annie on My Mind. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1982. Two female New York high school students meet and fall in love. Novel presents two lesbian teachers as role models. Selected by the American Library Association as among the Best of the Best Books for Young Adults, 1970-1982. Hobson, Laura Z. Consenting Adult. New York: Warner, 1976. A teenager comes out to himself and his mother; written from the mother's perspective. Miller, Isabel. Patience and Sarah. New York: Fawcett, 1976. Two women live with -and fall in love with -each other in 19th-century New England. Winner of American Li brary Association's Gay Book Award. Snyder, Anne. Counter Play. New York: Signet, 1981. A novel about two high school football stars -one who is gay and one who is pushed to choose between protecting his West Point scholarship and standing by his friend. Nonfiction Alyson, Sasha, ed. Young, Gay, and Proud! 2d ed. Boston: Alyson, 1985. A landmark book addressing the needs, problems, and general invisibility of lesbian/gay youth. Bell, Ruth. Changing Bodies, Changing Lives: A Book for Teens on Sex and Relationships. Rev. ed. New York: Random House, 1987. A guidebook for young adults with good discussions of homosexuality, including samesex relationships and ways that homophobia hurts heterosexuals as well as gay/lesbian people. Fricke, Aaron. Reflections of a Rock Lobster: A Story about Growing Up Gay. Boston: Alyson, 1981. A gay teenager's moving and humorous story about growing up and going to court for the right to take a male date to his senior prom. Heron, Ann, ed. One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth. Boston: Alyson, 1983. Youth in the United States and Canada talk about the joys and struggles of discovering their gay/lesbian sexualities. BOOKS FOR CHILDREN Fiction de Paola, Tomie. Oliver Button Is a Sissy. San Diego: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1979. Oliver Button is made fun of because he prefers dancing school to football . Severance, Jane. When Megan Went Away. Chapel Hill, N.C.: Lollipop Press, 1979. A young girl deals with loss, anger, and loneliness when her mother and her mother's female lover separate. N onfiction Blank, Joani, and Marcia Quackenbush. A Kid's First Book about Sex. Burlingame, Calif.: Yes Press, 1985. Chapters cover such topics as "Your Body," "What Is Sexy," and "Being Together." "Partners" explains that people can have sexual feelings for persons of the same or opposite sex. B6sche, Susanne. English translation by Louis Mackay. Jenny Lives with Eric and Martin. London: Gay Men's Press, 1983. A weekend in the life of a Danish girl who lives with her father and his male lover. de Saint Phalle , Niki . AIDS -You Can't Catch It Holding Hands. San Francisco: Lapis Press, 1986. A book for children about AIDS, including discussion of the HIV virus, the disease, and people who have AIDS. Drescher, Joan. Your Family, My Family. New York: Walker and Co., 1980. Describes many diverse families, including "Margo and Rita are Peggy's family." Rofes, Eric, ed. The Kid's Book of Divorce. Lexington, Mass.: Stephen Greene, 1981. Includes section on "Loving Your Gay Parent." Open Hands 21 ~~_ RE___ :,) RC_P POR_T New Reconciling Congregations Our grass-roots movement welcoming lesbians and gay men into full participation in the life of the church now includes 35 Reconciling Congregations and 5 Reconciling Conferences. We welcome the 3 local churches who publicly declared themselves to be Reconciling Congregations this past spring and summer. Hamilton UMC (San Francisco) Hamilton UMC is an inner city church located in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco. It is a congregation with a small active membership and a long history of providing food, shelter, and youth services to the surrounding community. Typical attendance on a Sunday morning is 20 to 30 people. Hamilton held two meetings in its study to become a Reconciling Congregation . In the first meeting, the participants shared personal experiences of being excluded for being Black, elderly, a single parent, a woman, part of an interracial marriage, or gay or lesbian . In the second meeting, the congregation undertook a Bible study to deal with passages that have been used against gay and lesbian persons. The vote to become a Reconciling Congregation was an extension of the congregation's commitment to being a worship community that is inclusive of all persons. As Judy Anne Kriege, chair of the Hamilton R.C . Committee, states, "Becoming a Reconciling Congregation has helped us to become more intentional about our efforts toward this goal and to give us a greater self-identification with the work of Christ as we understand it." St. Francis in the Foothills (Tucson, Arizona) St. Francis in the Foothills was formed about 20 years ago. Under the leadership of its current pastor, David Wilkinson , the congregation has grown from 80 to over 600 members in 22 Open Hands the past six years. Much of the church's growth can be attributed to its outreach to persons of diverse religious backgrounds -Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, as well as Protestant -and diverse lifestyles. The ministries of the congregation seek to integrate spirituality with social involvement. Prayer and meditation are important elements in the community's life, and a healing service is held weekly. St. Francis attempts to maintain the intimacy of family in a large congregation by inviting persons to participate in small groups, like the "base communities" that exist in many Central American churches. The congregation is involved in many social service programs and has also been involved in the sanctuary movement for Central American refugees. St. Francis has sent delegations to its sister churches in Estonia and Mexico and hosted Soviet delegations in Tucson. In its process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation, a committee produced a 10-page educational booklet which was distributed to all members of the congregation. A copy of the booklet can be obtained from the church. Wesley UMC (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) In 1987 Wesley UMC celebrated its 50th anniversary. It was founded on its current site through the merger of two congregations, one formerly German-speaking and the other English-speaking. During the 1940s and 1950s, Wesley grew to a membership of almost 400 persons. Membership declined over the next two decades to about 200 members in 1980. The 1980s have brought a new era of growth and outreach for the congregation. A number of outreach ministries have been formed: the Loaves and Fishes Food Pantry, an ongoing evangelism effort, a "singles" ministry, and cable TV ministries. During this period, the congregation has also undertaken and paid for major maintenance and renovation work on its property. In 1987 the congregation adopted a team ministry approach for its staff. Two staff persons , male and female , share the responsibilities of worship, preaching, education, visitation, and administration. The congregation looks forward to new opportunities for church growth and ministry in the coming years. Next RCP Convocation Set for February 16-18, 1990 The RCP Advisory Committee has begun planning for the second national gathering of Reconciling Congregations, to be held February 16-18, 1990 , in the Bay Area of California. The committee will be seeking input for convocation program and workshop ideas from Reconciling Congregations in the coming months. At its August meeting in Washington, D.C., the Advisory Committee also made plans for supporting and providing resources for prospective Reconciling Congregations across the country. Various members of the committee have taken responsibility for different regions of the country to serve as resource persons to individuals and congregations who inquire about the program. Members of the RCP Advisory Committee are: Reva Anderson (Toledo, Ohio), Ann Thompson Cook (Washington, D.C.), Rev. Finees Flores (Chicago), Kathy Jones (Philadelphia) , Richard Monroe (Oklahoma City), Rev. Kim Smith (San Francisco), Rev. Tim TennantJayne (Minneapolis), and Rev. Duane Wilkerson (San Francisco). Maggie Roe (Denver) is the liaison from Affirmation's Coordinating Committee. The five Reconciling Conferences have been invited to send a representative to the committee. Representatives named to date are Rev. Marty Morrison (New York) and Shirley Dare (Northern IlIinois). (continued) Rep REPORT NEW RESOURCES FROM THE RECONCILING CONGREGATION PROGRAM Rep Buttons and Ribbons A Resource for Dialogue about the And God Loves Each One: Central UMC (Toledo, Ohio) Church and Homosexuality created buttons and ribbons saying "I Support Reconciling Congregations" This appealing, friendly booklet to distribute at the recent session ofresponds to the typical Christian's funtheir annual conference. Because ofdamental questions: How do people the popularity and attractiveness ofbecome gay or lesbian? What does the these items, the members of CentralBible really say about homosexuality? have made a large quantity of them What's it like to be gay or lesbian in the available to other congregations and church today? The booklet's gentle, individuals. person-to-person approach is a perfect The button is 3 inches in diameterstarting place for congregations or inwith "I Support Reconciling Congredividuals dealing with questions about gations" and the RCP logo printed inhomosexuality. The booklet is written purple ink on a white background. The by Ann Thompson Cook of Dumbarton ribbon is purple with the same message UMC (Washington, D.C.) and brings and logo printed in gold. together the input and experience of The buttons are available for $2 many other leading educators and each (10 or more -$1. 50 each) and scholars. the ribbons cost $1 .00 each (10 or more Now in production, this 16-page -$.75 each). booklet will be released in December. Advance copies may be ordered at All resources from the Reconciling $4.95 ($3.00 each for orders of 10 + Congregation Program can be obcopies) (includes shipping and handtained by writing: RCP, P.O. Box ling). 24213, Nashville, TN 37202. Prepaying your order saves the program time and cost. Annual Conference Update In the last issue of Open Hands, we printed a roundup of actions related to the Reconciling Congregation Program in the United Methodist annual conferences this past spring and summer. Since that report, we have learned of actions in two other conferences. The Oregon-Idaho Conference adopted a resolution urging each local church to become a Reconciling Congregation. A resolution to declare Oregon-Idaho a Reconciling Conference was postponed a year for further study. The Wisconsin Conference appointed a study committee to review the ramifications of becoming a Reconciling Conference. The committee is to report back to next year's session of the annual conference. On behalf of all the Reconciling Congregations and other supporters, we express appreciation for those individuals who continue to advocate full participation of lesbians and gay men in the local, regional, and national church. Our Ecumenical Movement Our enthusiasm about the growth of the Reconciling Congregation Program swells when we remember that there are now more than 125 mainline Protestant congregations which have publicly welcomed lesbians and gay men into their community life. These congregations are in the United Methodist Presbyterian, Lutheran, and United Church of Christ denominations. As has been our tradition in past years, we offer a list of all these congregations and encourage you to contact congregations of other denominations in your community. More Light Churches (Presbyterian) NATIONAL CONTACT: James Anderson P.O. Box 38 New Brunswick. NJ 08903 Church of the Covenant Good Shepherd-Faith 67 Newbury Street Presbyterian Boston. MA 02116 152 W. 66th Street New York, rh 10023 Christ Church Presbyterian Red Stone Campus West Park Presbyterian Burlington, VT 05401 165 W. 86th Street New York , NY 10024 First Presbyterian & Trinity III Irvington Avenue Lafayette A venue Presbyterian South Orange, NJ 07079 85 S. Oxford Street Brooklyn, NY 11217Prospect Street Presbyterian 2 Prospect Street Trenton , NJ Q8618 ( continued) Open Hands 23 l ~~----A- ~-.u~-on.. c-ong-reg-ati-ons~ t--J gr-:~-~-E-~-lm~-~~-.~:-naIC-hurc-h--R-eco-nc-mn-g ( continued) South Presbyterian 343 Broadway Dobbs Ferry, NY 10522 Old South Haven Presbyterian South Country Road, Box 203 Brookhaven, NY 11719 Westminster Presbyterian 724 Delaware Avenue Buffalo, NY 14222 North Presbyterian 90 Lewis Street Geneva. NY 14456 John Calvin Presbyterian 50 Ward Hill Road Henrietta, NY 14467 Third Presbyterian 4 Meigs Street Rochester. NY 14607 Downtown Presbyterian 121 N. Fitzhugh Street Rochester. NY 14614 Calvary St. Andrews 68 Ashland Street Rochester. NY 14620 Westminster Presbyterian 4001 Street. S.W. Washington . DC 20024 Rockville Presbyterian 215 W. Montgomery A venue Rockville. MD 20850 First & Franklin Presbyterian 210 W. Madison Street Baltimore, MD 21201 Waverly Presbyterian Old York Road at 34th SI. Baltimore. MD 21218 Central Presbyterian 318 W. Kentucky Street Louisville. KY 40203 Northside Presbyterian 1679 Broadway Ann Arbor. MI48105 St. Luke Presbyterian 3121 Groveland School Road Wayzata. MN 55391 Lineoln Park Presbyterian 600 W. Fullerton Parkway Chicago. IL 60614 McKinley Memorial Presbyterian 809 S. 5th Street Champaign, IL 61820 Bethany Presbyterian 4523 Cedar Springs Dallas, TX 75219 United University Presbyterian 817 W. 34th Street Los Angeles, CA 90007 West Hollywood Presbyterian 7350 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles. CA 90046 Noe Valley Ministry 1021 Sanchez Street San Francisco. CA 94114 Seventh A venue Presbyterian 1329 7th Avenue San Francisco, CA 94122 First Presbyterian Church 1140 Cowper Street Palo Alto. CA 94301 Covenant Presbyterian 670 E. Meadow Drive Palo Alto. CA 94306 Westminster Presbyterian 240 Tiburon Blvd. Tiburon. CA 94920 First Presbyterian P.O. Box 236 Sausalito, CA 94965 St. Andrews Presbyterian Drake & Donahue Avenues Marin City, CA 94965 Terrace View Presbyterian 4700 228th Street. S.W. Mountlake Terrace, W A 98043 Open and Affirming Churches (United Church of Christ) NATIONAL CONTACT: Ann Day P.O. Box 403 Holden, MA 01520 First Congregational Church 165 Main Street Amherst, MA 01002 The Wendell Church Wendell. MA 01379 United Congregational Church 6 Institute Road Worcester, MA 01609 Church of the Covenant 67 Newbury Street Boston, MA 021 16 Church of the United Community 11 6 Roxbury Street Roxbury . MA 021 19 Riverside Church 490 Riverside Drive New York. NY 10027 Amherst Community Church 77 Washington Highway Snyder. NY 14226 24 Open Hands Riverside Salem Church P.O. Box 207 Grand Island, NY 14072 First Congregational Church 945 G Street, N.W. Washington, DC 20001 Grace UCC 3285 Cleveland-Massillon Rd. Norton , OH 44203 First Congregational Church 500 8th Avenue , S.E. Minneapolis, MN 55414 University Church 5655 S. University Avenue Chicago , IL 60637 Wellington Avenue UCC 615 Wellington Avenue Chicago, IL 60657 First Congregational Church 1128 Pi ne Boulder, CO 80302 932 E. Altadena Drive 1912 Central Avenue Altadena, CA 91001 Alameda, CA 94501 La Mesa Community Church Peace UCC 230 Lighthouse Road 777 Oakland Avenue Santa Barbara, CA 93109 Oakland, CA 94611 First Congregational Church College A venue 432 Mason Street Congregational San Francisco, CA 94102 1341 College Avenue Modesto, CA 95350 Reconciled in Christ Churches (Lutheran) NATIONAL CONTACT: Rose Smith 12602 Park Street Cerritos, CA 90701 Mt. Olivet Lutheran Prospect at Springs SI. Shrewsbury, MA 01545 Grace & St. Paul's Lutheran 123 W. 71st Street New York, NY 10023 University Church of Incarnation 3637 Chestnut Street Philadelphia. PA 19104 Community of Christ Lutheran 1812 Monroe Street. N.W. Washington. DC 20010 St. Mark's Lutheran 1900 SI. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 St. Timothy Lutheran P.O. Box 17552 Tampa, FL 33682 Lord of Light Lutheran 80 IS. Forest A venue Ann Arbor, M148104 Village Church 130 E. Juneau Avenue Milwaukee, WI 53202 St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran 100 N. Oxford Street SI. Paul, MN 55104 Holy Trinity Lutheran 2730 E. 31 st Street Minneapolis , MN 55406 Our Savior'S Lutheran 2639 Thomas A venue N. Minneapolis. MN 55411 Lutheran Campus Ministry 317 17th Avenue S.E. Minneapolis, MN 55414 Grace University Lutheran Harvard & Delaware Sts., S.E. Minneapolis , MN 55414 Edina Community Lutheran 4113 W. 54th Street Edina , MN 55424 The Community of SI. Martin 2001 Riverside Avenue Minneapolis, MN 55454 Lutheran Campus Ministry 201 4th Street S. St. Cloud, MN 56301 University Lutheran Center 1201 13th Avenue N. Fargo, ND 58 102 Lake View Lutheran 835 W. Addison Chicago, IL 60613 Christ the Mediator Lutheran 3100 S. Calumet Chicago, IL 606 15 Maywood House Church 2219 N. Spaulding Chicago, IL 60647 Resurrection Lutheran 3301 N. Seminary Street Chicago, IL 60657 St. Andrew's Lutheran Church 909 S. Wright Street Champaign, IL 61820 St. Thomas University Lutheran 805 S. Shields Fort Collins. CO 80521 St. Matthew's Lutheran 11031 Camarillo Street North Hollywood, CA 91602 St. John's Lutheran 584 E. Fremont Sunnyvale, CA 94087 St. Paulus Lutheran 888 Turk Street San Francisco, CA 94102 St. Mark's Lutheran 1101 O'Farrell Street San Francisco, CA 94109 St. Francis Lutheran 152 Church Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Christ Church Lutheran 1090 Quintara Street San Francisco, CA 94116 First United Lutheran 6555 Geary Blvd. San Francisco, CA 94121 University Lutheran 1611 Stanford Avenue Palo Alto , CA 94306 St. Paul's Lutheran 1658 Excelsior Avenue Oakland, CA 94602 Lutheran Peace Fellowship 4100 Mountain Blvd . Oakland, CA 94619 University Lutheran Chapel 2425 College Avenue Berkeley, CA 94704 Shepherd of the Hills 401 Grizzly Peak Blvd. Berkeley, CA 94708 Faith Lutheran Church 355 Los Ranchitos Road San Rafae l, CA 94903 Christ the Good Shepherd 1550 Meridian Road San Jose. CA 95125 Fullness of God Lutheran Holden Village Chelan, WA 98816 Metropolitan-D~ne UMC do Takayuki Ishii 201 W. 13th Street New York, NY 10011 Washington Sq~re UMC do Marty Morrison 135 W. 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC do Beth Bentley 6th Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 Calvary UMC do Chip Coffman 815 S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 Dumbarton UMC do Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC do Kay Moore 4th and 1 Streets, SW Washington, DC 20024 St. John's UMC do Howard Nash 2705 SI. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park-Aldengate UMC do Sally Daniel 575 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC do Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Central UMC do Chuck Larkins 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610 Wesley UMC do John Human 823 Union Avenue Sheboygan, WI 53081 University UMC do Steven Webster 1127 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 Wesley UMC do Tim Tennant-Jayne Marquette at Grant Streets Minneapolis, MN 55403 University UMC do Dave Schmidt 633 W. Locust DeKalb, IL 60115 Wheadon UMC do Albert Lunde 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Albany Park UMC c/o Ted Luis, Sr. 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625 Irving Park UMC do David Foster 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Kairos UMC do Richard Vogel 6015 McGee Kansas City, MO 64113 St. Mark's UMC do David Schwarz 1130 N. Rampart Street New Orleans, LA 70116 St. Paul's UMC do George Christie 161 5 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218 St. Francis in the Foothills do P. David Wilkinson 4625 E. River Road Tucson, AZ 85718 United University Church do Edgar Welty 81 7 W. 34th Street Los Angeles, CA 90007 Crescent Heights UMC do Walter Schlosser 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue W. Hollywood, CA 90046 The Church in Ocean Park do Judy Abdo 235 Hill Street Santa Monica, CA 90405 Wesley UMC do Patty Orlando 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Fresno, CA 93710 Bethany UMC do Rick Grube 1268 Sanchez Street San Francisco, CA 94114 HamiltonUMC do Judy Kreige 1525 Waller Street San Francisco, CA 94117 Calvary UMC do Jerry Brown 1400 Judah Street San francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC do Arron Auger 152 Church Street San Francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC do Elli Norris 2320 Dana Street Berkeley, CA 94704 Albany UMC do Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706 Sunnyhills UMC do Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC do Dianne l. Grimard 101 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688 Wallingford UMC do Margarita Will 2115 N. 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103 Capitol Hill UMC do Mary Dougherty 128 Sixteenth Street Seattle, WA 98112 Reconciling Conferences California-Nevada New York Troy Northern Illinois Wyoming Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 4 No 2 - Raising Reconciling Children