Open Hands Vol 16 No 3 - What about us kids? Children & Youth Share Our Struggle

Open Hands Vol. 16 No. 3.pdf

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Open Hands Vol 16 No 3 - What about us kids? Children & Youth Share Our Struggle

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Volume Number

16

Issue Number

3

Publication Year

2001

Publication Date

Winter

Text


2 Open Hands
Vol. 16 No. 3 Winter 2001
Shaping an Inclusive Church
Affirming Congregation Programme
More Light Presbyterians
Open & Affirming Ministries
Open and Affirming Program
Reconciling Ministries Network
Reconciling in Christ Program
Welcoming & Affirming Baptists
Interim Executive Publisher
Marilyn Alexander
Editor
Chris Glaser
Designer
In Print—Jan Graves
Marketing Manager
Jacki Belile
Editorial Advisory Committee
Vaughn Beckman, O&A
Ann Marie Coleman, ONA
Chris Copeland, W&A
Bobbi Hargleroad, MLP
Tom Harshman, O&A
Alyson Huntly, ACP
Bonnie Kelly, ACP
Susan Laurie, RCP
Samuel E. Loliger, ONA
Ruth Moerdyk, SCN
Caroline Presnell, RCP
Paul Santillán, RCP
Julie Sevig, RIC
Kelly Sprinkle, W&A
Kathy Stayton, W&A
Margarita Suaréz, ONA
Judith Hoch Wray, O&A
Stuart Wright, RIC
and Program Coordinators
Open Hands is the quarterly magazine of the
welcoming movement, a consortium of programs
that support individuals and congregations
in efforts to welcome lesbians, gay men,
bisexuals, and transgenders in all areas of church
life. Open Hands was founded and is published
by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc.
(United Methodist), in cooperation with the six
ecumenical partners listed above. Each program
is a national network of local congregations and
ministries that publicly affirm their welcome of
LGBT people, their families and friends. These
seven programs, along with Supportive Congregations
(Brethren/Mennonite [www.webcom.
com/bmc], Oasis Congregations (Episcopal),
Welcoming Congregations (Unitarian Universalist),
and INCLUSIVE Congregations (United
Kingdom)—offer hope that the church can be a
more inclusive community.
Subscription is $20 for four issues ($25 outside
the U.S.). Single copies and back issues are
$6; quantities of 10 or more, $4 each.
Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates,
and other business correspondence should be
sent to:
Open Hands
3801 N. Keeler Avenue
Chicago, IL 60641
Phone: 773/736-5526
Fax: 773/736-5475
openhands@rcp.org
www.rcp.org/openhands/index.html
Member, The Associated Church Press
© 2000
Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc.
Open Hands is a registered trademark.
ISSN 0888-8833
Printed on recycled paper.
WHAT ABOUT US KIDS?
Children & Youth Share Our Struggle
The Girl Who Wanted Justice 4
LUCY SADTLER-TAYLOR
A child’s quest for justice in her own words and artwork.
Who’s Teaching Who? 5
A Parent and Child Teach Each Other About Homosexuality
MARCIA BAILEY AND SARAH BAILEY
“Families need to talk about this together,” Sarah, at 10, advises.
“A Bouquet of Birds” 7
Revisioning Family
SUSAN QUINN BRYAN
A mother pays attention to her daughter’s dreams.
Why Talk About This With Kids? 8
ANN THOMPSON COOK
Your questions anticipated.
Tell Us A Story! 9
A Trip to the Children’s Library
VICTOR L. SCHILL
A children’s librarian describes what’s available.
The Pink Cup 21
Kairos Teaching Moments
CHIP JAMES
The children chided me, “How can you drink out of a pink cup?”
Learning From Our Daughter 23
PATRICIA A. GROVES
Seeing transgender people for who they are.
Welcoming Transgender Children 24
ANN THOMPSON COOK
Making the world safe for gender diversity.
Cover: “Come In” invites the artwork of nine-year-old Jonas
Motter of Fresno, California. “When I made this piece of
art, I was thinking of someone hugging another,” explains
the artist, “It also makes me think about people who have
cancer or other diseases like AIDS. Even though they aren’t
always included, they should be.” Jonas’s favorite hobbies
are art and soccer. He attends Wesley United Methodist
Church, a Reconciling congregation in Fresno.
Winter 2001 3
Publisher
Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. (UMC)
Reconciling Ministries Network
Marilyn Alexander, Interim Coordinator
3801 N. Keeler Avenue, Chicago, IL 60641
773/736-5526
www.rcp.org
Ecumenical Partners
Affirming Congregation Programme
(United Church of Canada)
Ron Coughlin, Coordinator
P.O. Box 333, Station Q, Toronto, Ontario
CANADA M4T 2M5
416/466-1489
www.affirmunited.org • acpucc@aol.com
More Light Presbyterians (PCUSA)
Michael J. Adee, Coordinator
369 Montezuma Ave. PMB #447
Santa Fe, NM 87501-2626
505/820-7082
www.mlp.org
Open & Affirming Ministries
(Disciples of Christ)
John Wade Payne, Interim Coordinator
P.O. Box 44400, Indianapolis, IN 46244
941/728-8833
www.sacredplaces.com/glad
Open and Affirming Program (UCC)
Ann B. Day, Coordinator
P.O. Box 403, Holden, MA 01520
508/856-9316
www.UCCcoalition.org
Reconciling in Christ Program (Lutheran)
Bob Gibeling, Coordinator
2466 Sharondale Drive, Atlanta, GA 30305
404/266-9615
www.lcna.org
Welcoming & Affirming Baptists (ABC/USA)
Brenda J. Moulton, Coordinator
P.O. Box 2596, Attleboro Falls, MA 02763
508/226-1945
users.aol.com/wabaptists
Coming Out Young 26
MATTHEW SEEDS, AMY HUFF, RYAN DEREK GONZALEZ
Coming out as adolescents.
Bill of Rights for LGBTQ Youth in the Church 28
TIMOTHY J. BROWN AND LEANN MCCALL TIGERT
What youth should expect from our congregations.
E-Mails to a Young “Q” 29
Assurance and Information for a Questioning or Queer Youth
CHIP ALDRIDGE, JR.
Accessing support as well as identity.
SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT
Prayers for Coming Out and for Affirming Congregations 6, 25, 27
LEANN MCCALL TIGERT AND TIMOTHY J. BROWN
Call for articles and columns for
Open Hands Fall 2001
OUR COAT OF MANY COLORS
Creativity in the Face of Oppression
Theme Section: We’re very creative!—one of the stereotypes of our community
may be true. From the Shower of Stoles to the AIDS Quilt, we have transformed
rejection and death to works of art. Through pen, palette, and performance, we
have made ourselves and others laugh, cry, and love against all odds. How have
you dealt artistically and creatively with being different or supportive of those
who are LGBT? In libraries and art galleries, choir lofts and theaters, we have
found balm for our troubled souls. What books, songs, scriptures, art, icons, quilts,
music, plays, movies, ballets, operas, and artists (from comedians to theologians)
have touched your soul in our struggle toward identity, community, and justice?
For this issue, we want photos, artwork, poetry, quotes, scriptures, vignettes, short
stories and plays, comedy routines—whatever you can think of! (Be creative!)
What films, books, plays, and artwork have changed your life? Of course we want
“stuff” of a spiritual bent, but please interpret “spiritual” broadly. But think too
of specifically sacred and/or Christian art, music, liturgy, dance, architecture,
etc. Short pieces welcome!!!
250 to 2500 words per article.
Ministries Section: Columns may include: Welcoming (the process of becoming
welcoming), Connections (with other justice issues), Worship, Spirituality, Outreach,
Leadership, Marriage, Health, Youth, Campus, Children, and Parents. These
brief articles may or may not have to do with the theme of the issue.
750-1000 words.
Contact with ideas by June 1, 2001
Manuscript deadline: July 30, 2001
Chris Glaser, Phone/Fax 404/622-4222 or e-mail at ChrsGlaser@aol.com
991 Berne St. SE, Atlanta, GA 30316-1859 USA
www.ChrisGlaser.com
SPECIAL PULL-OUT SECTION!
Annual Listing of Welcoming Congregations 13
4 Open Hands
The Girl Who
Wanted Justice
By Lucy Sadtler-Taylor
Lucy Sadtler-Taylor, 11 years old, is a 6th grade student at Inter-American Magnet
School. She wrote this story last year when she was in 5th grade. Lucy studies
piano, karate, and ballet, and sings in the Chicago Children’s Choir. She and her
family belong to Broadway United Methodist Church. She lives with her two moms,
her sister Gracie, her dog Bonnie, and her two cats, Big Boy and Brenda Starr. She
is currently enrolled in the first year of a two year confirmation class at BMC.
SHE ALWAYS COULD NOT GET TO
SLEEP, BECAUSE SHE WAS WORRIED
ABOUT PREJUDICE. SOMETIMES IN
SCHOOL SHE WOULD FALL ASLEEP.
THE TEACHER WOULD GET MAD AT
HER BUT SHE DID NOT CARE.
SHE KNEW THAT MEN AND WOMEN WERE
GETTING KILLED FOR BEING BLACK, GAY,
OR EVEN SUPPORTIVE OF GAYS OR
BLACKS. HER TEACHER GOT MAD WHEN
SHE WAS NOT PAYING ATTENTION IN
SCHOOL AND SENT HOME A NOTE.
HER MOM AND DAD WERE NOT HAPPY,
BUT SHE DID NOT CARE.
SHE KNEW SHE COULD NOT CHANGE
THE WHOLE WORLD BUT THOUGHT
ABOUT HER COMMUNITY. SHE WENT
TO A PROTEST ON GAY PEOPLE.
PEOPLE WERE NOT SURPRISED TO SEE
A KID AT A PROTEST BECAUSE A LOT
OF KIDS LIKE GAY PEOPLE. THE
PEOPLE FOR THE GAY
PEOPLE WERE MANY MORE
THAN THE PEOPLE WHO
HATED GAY PEOPLE.
ON SUNDAY THE CHURCH WAS ABUZZ.
THEY HAD THOUGHT THAT SHE HAD DONE
THE RIGHT THING, ONLY A FEW PEOPLE
WERE MAD. THE CHURCH GREW AND GREW
WITH GAY PEOPLE AND
PEOPLE WHO LIKE GAY
PEOPLE TRYING TO FIND THE
RIGHT CHURCH. THE GIRL
HAD SHOWN THE
COMMUNITY
THE RIGHT
THING.
SHE HAD CHANGED ONE SMALL PART
OF THE WORLD AND THAT TO HER
WAS A BIG SUCCESS, AND THE
WHOLE TOWN KNEW IT.
THE END
ONCE THERE WAS A GIRL NAMED
JENNIFER WHO WANTED JUSTICE.
SHE WAS TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT
PREJUDICE. EVERY DAY SHE LOOKED AT
THE NEWSPAPER AND THERE WAS ALMOST
ALWAYS SOMETHING ABOUT PREJUDICE.
Winter 2001 5
It was in the middle of a Sunday
morning worship service, somewhere
between the anthem and
the offertory, when my then eight-yearold
daughter leaned over and whispered
urgently, “What’s this mean?”, jabbing
her finger at the word “gay” in the book
that lay open on her lap.
Like nearly every parent I had gotten
the message someplace along the
line that I should be prepared to talk
about sexuality with my children at
whatever point they ask, but sitting in
the front row during worship with the
choir singing and the whole congregation
seemingly looking our
way did not feel like the ideal
time for me! Not wanting to discourage
the conversation but
wondering what the heck she
was reading, I suggested that we
take the book home and talk
about it later. I was off the hook
for the moment, but not much
longer!
I grew up in a church and in a
family where the topic of sexuality
was left to the school nurse
and a mother’s private conversations
with her daughter just prior
to the onset of menstruation.
Heterosexism was assumed and
although homosexuality wasn’t outwardly
condemned, the lack of conversation
and information concerning it
left me with no vocabulary to describe,
nor context to understand, the men and
women, boys and girls in my life whom
I knew intuitively were different from
me.
I had hoped that my husband and I,
along with our church, would teach
something different to our children. I
want my children to learn what I continue
to learn myself—that our sexuality
is a gift from God, that God’s creation
is so marvelously diverse that we
dare not limit its expressions of love and
grace, that tolerance is the least we can
do and affirmation is the best we can
do for each other, so that each one of
us can learn and become and grow. I
want to teach them caring respect, tender
compassion. I want them to have a
vision for justice and a passion for
peace. I want them to be comfortable
with the diversity of people around
them and with themselves. It’s not difficult
for me to see where I’d like to go,
but it isn’t always easy to get there!
The book Sarah was reading in worship
(which she got from the church’s
children’s library) was titled Uncle
What-Is-It is Coming to Visit. As we read
it together I discovered that it tells the
story of two siblings whose unfamiliar
Uncle Brett is coming to visit. They’re
told he’s gay, but with no understanding
of what that means, believe the
misinformation given to them until
they see and meet Uncle Brett themselves
and discover that he’s just like
anyone else.
“So, let me get this right,” Sarah
began. “A man that loves a man is called
gay, right?” “Yeah!” I answered, relieved
that we were off to an easy start. “So
do some girls love girls?” she wanted
to know. “Of course,” I answered.
“Women who love women are called
lesbians.” We went on to talk about the
implications of various relationships,
about how some relationships lead to
life-long partnerships, about how some
include children, and about how lack
of understanding, tolerance, and acceptance
of others can lead to pain, isolation
and exclusion. Sarah was righteously
angered! “Who says that they
can’t love each other?” “Sometimes the
church,” I was sad to reply. “Well, not
my church! The same God made everybody.
So what’s the big deal about all
that?” was her wise and matter-of-fact
reply.
Wondering if maybe I should just
leave it at that, I plowed on ahead anyhow
and we began talking a little about
why it was a big deal, about how lots of
people mistreat gays and lesbians because
of who they are, how fear and
hatred and lack of understanding
causes us to hurt one another. I was
startled and impressed by the wisdom
and clarity of my eight year
old, challenged by her forthright
questions, inspired by her passion
for fairness. Somewhere in the
midst of the dialogue she became
the teacher and I the student. How
had we adults made it all so complicated
when in her eyes it was all
so simple? “God made us different.
Isn’t that a good thing?” she asked.
It is a good thing, a very good
thing, and I believe that our children
can help us discover that as
families and as a community of
faith. It has been the birth of a number
of children to families of all kinds in
our congregation that has motivated
parents to ask for Sunday morning
classes on parenting and sexuality. Together
we have wrestled with our own
misunderstandings and growing places
so that we can be teacher-learners alongside
our children. Role playing conversations,
dealing with “what if” scenarios,
becoming more comfortable
with our own sexuality (whatever that
may be) has increased the confidence of
and support for parents teaching children
about human sexuality, all in the context
of the love and wonder of God.
“Families need to talk about this together,”
Sarah, at 10, advises. “Read
books together, like Uncle What-Is-It and
Heather Has Two Mommies. Then every-
Adam, Marcia, Thomas, and Sarah Bailey
Who’s Teaching Who?
A Parent and Child Teach Each Other About Homosexuality
Marcia Bailey and Sarah Bailey
one can talk about it and not learn the
wrong things. Most kids get their information
from other kids. It would be
better if parents could talk to their kids.
Maybe they could take classes together
so they could all understand.”
Sarah and her brothers, Adam, now
nine, and Thomas, six, have found it
helpful to talk about the gay, lesbian,
bisexual, and transgender people that
they know, the friends who have sat at
our table, celebrated holidays with us,
shared our joys and our tears. They have
learned how to create a safe space,
within their hearts and within our
home, for anyone they meet.
“Kids need to get to know gays and
lesbians and find out they are just
people like everybody else,” says Sarah.
One of the gifts of a Welcoming and
Affirming congregation is that this kind
of interaction takes place all the time,
in settings that are natural and nurturing.
The young children in the preschool
room don’t know that the man
who holds them on his lap for story
time or who builds with blocks at
playtime is gay. The middle schoolers
may or may not recognize that the
youth group leader is bisexual. None
of the kids think much about the fact
that Ben and Isaac have two moms. But
someday I want them all to notice! I
want them to see and know and understand
that these women and men who
have loved and supported, nurtured and
challenged them are wise and wonderful
expressions of God among us. That
diversity truly is a gift— a gift that these
have so generously shared; a gift that I
as a parent cherish.
A lesbian couple has invited Sarah
to spend the night at their home on several
different occasions. Now there’s a
gift! Together they drink orange tea and
listen to music and talk. Every child
should have an adult outside their family
who values and cares about them.
We have been grateful that this loving
couple chose Sarah.
We continue to be teacher-learners
with our children. I celebrate a Welcoming
and Affirming congregation where
this is a shared task, where diversity is
simply a description of who we are. It’s
exciting to think that we are nurturing
a whole generation of children who,
when asked about homosexuality say,
“What’s the big deal about that?!” Children
whose vision of family includes
two moms or two dads, whose expectation
of biblical justice demands wholeness
and safety and affirmation of all
persons, regardless of sexual orientation,
who picture a loving couple as two
men holding hands and two women in
an embrace, who value each other as
the image of God no matter what makes
us different or the same.
“Mom,” came the voice of my then
seven-year-old son, “We were rhyming
words in spelling today and when someone
said ‘gay,’ everyone laughed. I said
I didn’t think it was very funny and that
they shouldn’t laugh.” “Good for you,
Adam!”, I replied. “What happened
next?” “Well,” he continued, disappointed,
“the teacher didn’t say any-
Congregational Prayer
Affirming Sexual and Gender Minority Youth & Young Adults
Spirit of the Universe, Almighty One, this day we celebrate youth and young
adults in our congregation. We celebrate the diverse gifts of a diverse people. We
celebrate the lesbians, gay men, bisexuals, and transgender young people among
us, and welcome them as part of the body of God, as part of this unique assembly
of your people. We declare this a safe space for them, for we know there are
places where young lesbians, young gay men, young bisexuals, and young
transgender people do not feel safe or welcome. We ask your special blessing on
them, since we know you love them unconditionally. We ask you to empower us
to love them—to love all—unconditionally, by your great example. Amen.
From Coming Out Young and Faithful by Leanne McCall Tigert and
Timothy J. Brown (Pilgrim Press, Spring 2001, used by permission).
thing at all. How come they didn’t know
not to do that?” “I guess there’s more
they need to learn,
honey,” I answered
hopefully. And with
determination in his
voice he responded,
“Then I guess I’ll
have to teach them.”
Marcia Bailey, Sarah’s mother, serves on
the Pastoral Team at Central Baptist
Church of Wayne,
Pennsylvania, a Welcoming
and Affirming
congregation. Sarah
Bailey, Marcia’s
daughter, is now 12
years old and is in the
seventh grade.
Reading Suggestions:
Uncle What-Is-It Is Coming to Dinner by
Michael Willhoite (Alyson Wonderland,
Boston, MA).
Heather Has Two Mommies by Leslea
Newman (In Other Words Publishers,
Northampton, MA).
It’s Perfectly Normal by Robie H. Harris.
(Candlewick Press, Cambridge, MA.)
6 Open Hands
We lived in a small university
town in the panhandle of
Texas where my middle
daughter, Julia, was attending a nursery
school. At three, she was a very precocious
little thing, already wearing
bifocals and having an amazing vocabulary.
One of her first sentences was uttered
when, at the breakfast table, a
flock of birds took off from the backyard.
“Oh, Mommy, look!” she said, “A
bouquet of birds!” I knew at that moment
that I was raising a poet. Like all
poets, she seemed to lack an outer crust,
a shell, a wall of defense. She seemed
exposed and vulnerable, and everyone
that knew her wanted to protect her.
She was winsome and endearing.
One day she came home from nursery
school with a drawing she had done,
and a note from the teacher attached.
The assignment had been to draw the
family you wanted to have when you
grew up. Julia had drawn a two-story
house with a chimney, and standing in
front were two grown-up women and
three small girls.
“Who is this?” I asked her.
“That’s me, and my best friend,
Katie, and our little girls,” she said
brightly.
The note attached said, “Please come
see me,” and was signed by the teacher.
The teacher was concerned that Julia
was having problems with her father. I
knew that not to be the case. The
teacher pointed out to Julia that there
was no daddy in the picture. To which
Julia had responded, “I don’t want a
Daddy.” The teacher asked if Julia disliked
her own father. To which Julia had
responded, “I like my daddy just fine. I
love my Daddy. I just don’t want one
when I grow up. I want Katie. I like
Katie. We have fun together.”
The teacher remained concerned,
but I looked at Julia: bright, happy, welladjusted,
and unique, and I knew there
was nothing wrong with her. I knew
that there had to be a place in the world
for this special child. I suspected at that
moment that I was raising a lesbian. And
I wasn’t sure how to do that. And so I
began my journey, reading and seeking
positive role models
for my daughter.
I sought out lesbian
friends— no easy
task in some small
Texas towns. I discovered
women’s music
and poetry. I played
Meg Christian and
Chris Williamson in
our home. The strong
women’s messages
were good for my
other two daughters,
as well. And they
were good for me.
When Julia was seven, her father and I
divorced. (It had not occurred to the
teacher that Julia may have sensed the
unhappiness in the relationship between
her father and myself!) I never
mentioned to Julia that I thought she
might be gay. I had read enough to
know that that was her journey, not
mine.
Julia “came out” in high school. She
came home from school one day and
wanted to talk. She looked very serious.
We went into my room and closed the
door. She began telling me that people
could be different and still love one
another. That folks could like different
things and still be close…she went on
and on…and I finally asked, “Julia, is
there a bottom line to this?” To which
she replied, “Mom, I am a lesbian.”
“Thank God, for a minute there, I
thought you were going to tell me you
were a Republican!” We laughed together
and then I hugged her and told
her “Welcome home to yourself.”
It was years later that I told her about
the picture and my suspicions. And we
remain close. I continue to stand in awe
of the marvelous person she is, and so
grateful to God for giving me the responsibility
of stewardship during her
youngest years. I learn so much from
her.
Susan Quinn Bryan
is pastor of A Community
of the Servant Savior,
the 100th More
Light Church in the
Presbyterian Church
(U.S.A.), located in
Houston, Texas.
“A Bouquet of Birds”
Revisioning Family
Susan Quinn Bryan
Julia
Winter 2001 7
8 Open Hands
Adapted with permission from the Viewing Guide for It’s Elementary:
Talking about Gay Issues in School, a documentary film
produced by Debra Chasnoff and Helen Cohen.
When adults are encouraged to incorporate discussion
about gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender (GLBT)
people and issues into Sunday School lessons, school classrooms,
or even family time, questions inevitably arise about
the appropriateness of those discussions with children. Here
are frequently-asked questions and some sample responses.
Q: Why is such talk necessary with young children?
A: Negative language about GLBT people is swirling around
children of all ages; it’s common on the playground, in
school hallways and classrooms, on radio and television,
and at church. Many children are adversely affected. For
example, an estimated 6 to 11 percent of children have
gay or lesbian parents or siblings, and another 5 to 9 percent
will at some point figure out that they themselves are
GLBT. They’re all being taught that either they or the people
they love most are sick and perverted.
Other children are affected as well—children who are being
taunted for being different from other boys or girls,
who have been sexually abused or are confused about sexuality,
who are being teased about close friendships with
children of the same sex, who have friends who might be
gay, or who fear being called gay by classmates. All of these
children will be helped by open discussion at home, at
school, and at church about GLBT people.
Q: Aren’t elementary and middle-school-age children too
young to be introduced to this topic? Shouldn’t we
wait until they’re older?
A: In today’s world, it’s not really possible to introduce these
topics. Negative name- calling begins as early as first grade.
And long before they grasp the meaning of the words, children
have heard or witnessed many negative images about
being gay and GLBT people. What a family or church congregation
can do is create a safe environment for children
to ask questions, consider what they’re hearing and seeing,
be given accurate information, and gradually explore
the implications for their faith.
Q: What about parents in our congregation (or school)
who don’t want their children to learn about gay sex?
A: Think about all the stories children read about mommies
and daddies. Just as those stories aren’t about heterosexual
sex, lessons about gay people aren’t about gay sex. The
point is to incorporate ways to simply acknowledge that
GLBT people are among us and to prevent harmful stereotypes
and prejudices.
Q: In our church, there are parents who believe that
homosexuality is wrong. How can the church teach
that it’s a normal lifestyle? Isn’t that going against
the parents?
A: All major churches teach some variation on the values of
love, compassion, and justice. It’s entirely appropriate to
teach these values to children, to ensure that everyone in
our diverse community is treated with respect, and to provide
a safe environment in which to grow. We may not all
agree about homosexuality, but just as we would expect
every person to be acknowledged and respected at church,
the church is obliged to make sure that gay people and
their family members are validated and shown respect.
Q: Wouldn’t this take away from teaching the basics
like the Scriptures and faith?
A: In church education, these topics are a rich jumping-off
point for consideration of who we are, what it means to be
created in God’s image, and what is our responsibility as
God’s people. Our faith and biblical teachings are applicable
to every life experience, and a central Christian theme
is that “outcasts” are welcome at Christ’s table.
Q: Won’t teaching children about this encourage them
to become gay or lesbian themselves?
A: Providing children with information and a forum for discussion
doesn’t make anyone gay. If it did, then most children
who grow up with GLBT parents would turn out gay,
but they don’t. Most turn out heterosexual, in about the
same proportion as the general public. However, having a
chance to learn about GLBT people might make a child
less likely to insult someone she/he thinks is gay or to allow
a friend to be ostracized for having a lesbian mom or
gay dad.
Q: I’m not anti-gay, but why should we single out this
one subject?
A: We all pay a high price for the invisibility of GLBT people
and for our silence. Several studies document that as a direct
result of the hatred and prejudice that surround GLBT
youth, they are at significantly higher risk than other youth
for alcohol and drug abuse, running away, dropping out
of school, HIV/AIDS infection, family violence, and suicide.
Moreover, unchecked hatred and ignorance about
GLBT people are fueling an avalanche of violence. Attacks
based on perceiving people to be gay or transgender are
the fastest growing hate crime in the United States. Frequently,
a gay-basher cites religious views to justify such
violence. To prevent these tragedies, it’s critical for
children’s role models— parents, educators, pastors— not to
be silent in the face of words like “faggot,” “dyke,” or other
harassment and violence. If they do remain silent, they
appear to children to confirm that a certain group of people
doesn’t deserve respect. Rather, we need to model acceptance
and respect for all members of the community.
Ann Thompson Cook is a sex and gender educator and has served
on the board of the Reconciling Congregation Program. She wrote
the viewing guide for It’s Elementary.
Why Talk About This With Kids?
Ann Thompson Cook
Winter 2001 9
What about us kids? What about us kids who grow up
in families with same-sex parents? Who have lesbian
and gay siblings and relatives? Who grow up
discovering our own lesbian or gay identity? Who grow up in
straight families knowing lesbian and gay friends and families?
What about us kids who need to read stories about samesex
parented families? Who need stories about our types of
families? Stories that help us feel good about ourselves and
our families? Where are the stories that affirm and celebrate
the lesbian and gay parented families who are an integral part
of God’s diverse creation? Where are the books with these
stories?—A powerful question indeed.
Since the watershed of Stonewall, the publication of lesbian
and gay fiction and nonfiction has grown, and some authors
are published by mainstream publishers not solely associated
with lesbian and gay concerns. However, the publication
of lesbian and gay children’s picture books represents a minimal
amount of this output. Compared to the number of books
for children showing “traditional” types of families, the number
of children’s books reflecting lesbian and gay parented
families is few. Also, most of the relevant books were published
in the period from 1989 to 1996, with almost no books
published in the succeeding four years. Added to the fact of
limited titles is that there appears to be no titles available that
address the issue of bisexual and transgender parented families.
Children of Same-Gender Parents
With the publication of Heather Has Two Mommies in 1989,
Leslea Newman rendered less invisible same-sex parents,
giving them a long overdue place in children’s picture books.
Recently revised and published in a Tenth Anniversary Edition,
this pioneering work opened the way for other writers to
create picture books with stories of
same-sex parents and their children.
Heather Has Two Mommies shows a loving
family whose special quality lies
not in the fact of being a lesbian
parented family, but in the quality of
being an ordinary family. Heather,
Mama Kate, and Mama Jane live in a
house with a yard of trees and grass,
have a cat and a dog, take walks in the
park, go on picnics, bake cookies, and
love each other very much. And being
a family who does ordinary and commonplace
activities is the important point: lesbian and gay
parented families are the same as “traditional” families. Children
raised by same-sex parents are not different from children
who are raised by parents who are not lesbian or gay.
Families, like individuals, are the same but different.
Published in the following year, Daddy’s Roommate (1990)
was the first children’s picture book to show a child being
raised by gay dads. In vibrant, full-color illustrations, Michael
Willhoite tells a story about another ordinary
family. Nick and his two dads,
Daniel and Frank, engage in commonplace
activities: they go shopping, go
to the movies, work in the yard, play
games, fight and make up, go to the
beach, and have a healthy relationship
with Nick’s mom. Nick and his two
dads are just fine in being a family who
love each other very much. Like families
everywhere, Nick and his two dads
are the same, but different.
Although technically not a
picture book, Zack’s Story: Growing
Up with Same-Sex Parents
(1996) by Keith Elliot Greenberg
is a look at a real-life same-sex
parented family. Using actual
color photographs, Greenberg
shares eleven-year-old Zack’s description
of his life with his
mother, Aimee, and her partner,
Margie. Like Heather and her
moms, and Nick and his dads, Zack and his moms do ordinary
family activities: they go on picnics and sleigh rides, practice
for Little League, watch sports on television, have birthday
parties and family gatherings, cook, make a quilt, take
care of their cat, go on vacations, and have a great relationship
with Zack’s dad. Zack is proud of all his family and feels
“lucky to have the home I have and the people there who care
about me.” Why should the sexual identity of Zack’s moms
be more important than being raised in a loving, healthy home
environment?
As Johnny Valentine and Judith
Vigna remind us in their respective
books, being in a family that loves and
respects each other is a truer measure
of value than the sexual identity of the
parents. In Two Moms, the Zark, and Me
(1993), Johnny Valentine creates a story
in rhyme about a young boy and his
two moms who are visiting the zoo
(must be a queer thing, don’t you
think?). There, he runs afoul of the
McFinks who try to convince him that
it is a sin not to have a “true” family of a mom and a dad. But,
as he tells the McFinks, “Life is just not that simple,” and that
real families come in all types.
Other Types of Real Families
And, indeed they do. Lesbian and gay families need not be
limited to a same-sex parent structure. Judith Vigna’s My
Two Uncles (1995) is a story about a young girl, Elly, who is
being raised by a mom and a dad, but whose sense of family
includes her two favorite uncles— Uncle Ned (her dad’s brother)
Tell Us a Story!
A Trip to the Children’s Library
Victor L. Schill
10 Open Hands
and his partner, Uncle Phil.
Elly’s grandfather does not understand
Ned and Phil’s relationship
and refuses to have Phil
come to an anniversary celebration.
Her grandfather’s unloving
denial of Ned and Phil’s loving
relationship saddens Elly because
both Ned and Phil are a
vital part of her life and whom
she considers her family. Her
two uncles love for each other is only different from the love
of her parents and grandparents in being a loving relationship
between two men. The same but different.
If a same-sex parent structure is not necessary to a lesbian
and gay family, is it necessary for same-sex parents to have a
child? Joseph Kennedy thinks not. In the delightful and bouncy
Lucy Goes to the Country (1998), Kennedy shows that the bond
between same-sex couples and their pets is just another variation
of family. Lucy just happens to be a cat whose relationship
with her “two Big Guys” gives a new and wonderful perspective
on how diverse loving relationships can be.
And a respect for diversity is a core value that we should
practice as well as teach to children. Both Belinda’s Bouquet
(1991) and One Dad Two Dads
Brown Dad Blue Dads (1994) celebrate
differences in people and
family structure as natural. Leslea
Newman’s Belinda’s Bouquet is the
story of Belinda who is distressed
that her body shape does not conform
with what some people think
of as “normal.” With the help of
her friend Daniel and his two moms, Belinda learns that people,
just like flowers, are all different sizes and shapes. She learns
to accept her body shape as a natural difference which is part
of the beauty that is her. The lesbian parented family is not
the focus of this book, but the concept of natural differences.
If natural differences in body shape
are commonplace, then why not natural
differences in family structure?
Johnny Valentine’s One Dad Two Dads
Brown Dad Blue Dads is a lighthearted
but effective story of two children who
discover that being a dad has nothing
to do with skin color or sexual orientation.
Dads do not stop being dads because
they are gay. Gay dads do what
other dads do: work, play, cook, eat
cookies, sing, and love their kids. And
as to why some dads are gay? Well, it’s just the same as why
some dads are blue—because—they just are!
Gay Weddings, Divorce, and Death
If many of the stories discussed above highlight the ordinary
and commonplace activities of same-sex parented
families, what is a more commonplace
family occurrence than a wedding? It
appears that the only children’s picture
book to celebrate same-sex marriages
is Michael Willhoite’s Daddy’s
Wedding (1996). This wonderfully
endearing story answers the question—
“Can men get married to each
other?”—with a resounding “Indeed
they can!” As is customary at traditional
weddings, the wedding of Nick’s
two dads includes an exchange of
vows and rings, a reception complete with a wedding cake,
and a kiss at the end of the ceremony. Probably the only
children’s picture book with a
full-page color illustration of
two men kissing each other,
Daddy’s Wedding joyously affirms
that love is what makes
a family.
Just as families experience
weddings, they sometimes experience
divorce. In Saturday
is Pattyday (1993), Leslea
Newman boldly explores the
Children’s Books
Described in This Article
Greenberg, Keith Elliot, Zack’s Story: Growing Up with Same-
Sex Parents (Lerner Publications Company, 1996).
Jordan, MaryKate, Losing Uncle Tim
(Albert Whitman & Company, 1989).
Kennedy, Joseph, Lucy Goes to the Country
(Alyson Publications, 1998).
Newman, Leslea, Belinda’s Bouquet
(Alyson Publications, 1991).
Newman, Leslea, Heather Has Two Mommies
(Alyson Wonderland, 2000).
Newman, Leslea, Too Far Away to Touch
(Clarion Books, 1995).
Pollack, Eileen, Whisper Whisper Jesse Whisper Whisper Josh:
A Story About AIDS (Advantage/Aurora Publications, 1992).
Valentine, Johnny, One Dad Two Dads Brown Dad Blue Dads
(Alyson Publications, 1994).
Valentine, Johnny, Two Moms, the Zark, and Me
(Alyson Publications, 1993).
Vigna, Judith, My Two Uncles
(Albert Whitman & Company, 1995).
Willhoite, Michael, Daddy’s Roommate
(Alyson Publications, 1990).
Willhoite, Michael, Daddy’s Wedding
(Alyson Publications, 1996).
Winter 2001 11
topic of the divorce of same-sex
parents. Frankie used to live with
his mom, Allie, and her partner,
Patty. But Allie and Patty are divorced,
and Frankie now lives
with his mom, but visits his other
mom, Patty, every Saturday. Patty
still is very much a part of
Frankie’s life. This is an honest
but compassionate and nonjudgmental
story about what
sometimes happens in any family. Same-sex parented families
and “traditional” families are really alike in so many ways,
aren’t they?
And all families are alike in the
experience of the death of a family
member. Several of the picture
books published in the period 1989
to 1996 are compassionate stories
of a child coping with the loss of a
loved one to AIDS. Losing Uncle Tim
(1989) by MaryKate Jordan, Whisper
Whisper Jesse Whisper Whisper
Josh: A Story About AIDS (1992) by
Eileen Pollack, and Too Far Away to Touch (1995) by Leslea
Newman, are eloquent and moving stories that help readers
recognize that all types of families are touched by death, and
whose grief and sorrow bind them together in the common
family of our Creator. The reason for our losses may be different,
but our healing comes from the same source—Love.
And in the true measure of things,
isn’t that what a family is really
about—loving each other? The common
thread present in lesbian and gay
parented families and “traditional”
families is not sexual identity. The
common thread is Love.
Stories about loving families. Stories
about ordinary families. Stories
about families that are unique but
alike in so many ways. The stories
about the families in the books included in this discussion do
not represent the complete published output of relevant titles,
but the fact of the gap between what is available and what
should be available still remains. Why are not more picture
books about lesbian and gay parented families being written
and published? Where are the books about bisexual and
transgendered families? Where are the books that show our
families as a natural part of the background of families kids
can see in the world around them? Where indeed?
Victor L. Schill is a member of Grace Lutheran
Church (ELCA) in Houston, and a member of
Lutherans Concerned/North America. He is
Assistant Branch Librarian/Children’s Librarian
for the Fairbanks Branch Library of the
Harris County Public Library system.
Videos by Debra Chasnoff and
Helen Cohen, available from
Women’s Educational Media,
2180 Bryant Street, Suite 203, San Francisco, CA
94110; phone 415/641-4616; fax 415/641-4632; E-mail:
wemfilms@womedia.org, Website: www.womedia.org.
It’s Elementary:
Talking About Gay Issues in School
This award-winning video is an excellent example of how conversation
with children and youth on the topic of homosexuality
can bring about new understanding and increased tolerance
and acceptance. Children from first grade through high
school are encouraged to participate in age-appropriate
conversation about respecting all persons regardless of sexual
orientation.
That’s A Family!
A video “starring” children who are being raised in an array of
family structures, including single parent, multiracial, divorced,
guardian, adoptive, and gay and lesbian-headed households.
Entertaining and engaging way for children to learn from other
children about family diversity.
Shapiing Sancttuarry
Proclaiming God’s Grace
in an Inclusive Church
A collection of essays, sermons,
liturgies, and hymns from the
Welcoming movement. Valuing Lesbian,
Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender persons
as an integral part of the Body of Christ.
Exploring themes of embodiment
theology, integrating spirituality and
sexuality, and inclusive worship.
Includes an eight-week group study
guide.
ISBN # 0-9701568-0-4
Order from your denominational Welcoming organization
or from www.rcp.org
Don’t miss this opportunity to “help the rest of the church
rediscover its soul.” —from book review by James B. Nelson
$14.00
12 Open Hands
Winter 2001 13
WELCOMING COMMUNITIES 2001
Welcoming Movement Tops 1500!
Since 1978, 1,416 churches, 55 campus ministries,
37 judicatories, and seven national and
international ministries have publicly declared
themselves welcoming of lesbian and gay people.
These 1,515* welcoming communities are found
in ten denominations in 46 states and the District
of Columbia of the United States and in six
provinces of Canada. The affiliation of each is
designated by the following codes:
WELCOMING CHURCHES
UNITED STATES
ALABAMA
Auburn
Auburn UU Fellowship (WEL)
Huntsville
UU Church (WEL)
ALASKA
Anchorage
Immanuel Presbyterian (ML)
UU Fellowship (WEL)
Palmer
Church of the Covenant (W&A)
Sitka
UMC of Sitka (RC)
ARIZONA
Chandler
Valley UU Church (WEL)
Mesa
Celebration of Life Presbyterian (ML)
Phoenix
Asbury UMC (RC)
Augustana Lutheran (RIC)
Faith Lutheran (RIC)
Palo Cristi Presbyterian (ML)
Shadow Rock Cong. UCC (ONA)
Scottsdale
Scottsdale Cong. UCC (ONA)
Tempe
Desert Palm UCC (ONA)
University Lutheran (RIC)
Tucson
Church of the Painted Hills (ONA)
First Christian (O&A)
First Congregational, UCC (ONA)
Rincon Congregational UCC (ONA)
Santa Cruz Lutheran (RIC)
St. Francis in the Foothills UMC (RC)
UU of NW Tucson (WEL)
UU of Tucscon (WEL)
ARKANSAS
Fayetteville
St. Martin’s Episcopal Center (INT)
Little Rock
Pulaski Heights Christian (O&A)
Trinity Cathedral (INT)
CALIFORNIA
Alameda
First Christian (O&A)
First Congregational (ONA)
Albany
Albany UMC (RC)
Altadena
Altadena Congregational (ONA)
Christ the Shepherd Lutheran (RIC)
Baldwin Park
First Presbyterian (ML)
Banning
St. Agnes Episcopal (O)
Bayside
Humboldt UU Fellowship (WEL)
Belmont
Congregational Church UCC (ONA)
Benicia
Community Congregational (ONA)
Berkeley
Berkeley/Richmond Intercity Min. (O&A)
Epworth UMC (RC)
First Baptist (W&A)
First Congregational (ONA)
St. John’s Presbyterian (ML)
Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran (RIC)
Trinity UMC (RC)
University Lutheran Chapel (RIC)
University Church (O&A)
Campbell
First UMC (RC)
Carlsbad
Pilgrim Congregational UCC (ONA)
Carmel
UU of Monterey Peninsula (WEL)
Canoga Park
Emerson Unitarian Church (WEL)
Chico
Congregational Church (ONA)
Claremont
Claremont UMC (RC)
Claremont UCC, Congregational (ONA)
Cloverdale
United Ch. of Cloverdale (ONA)
Concord
First Christian (O&A)
Costa Mesa
Orange Coast UU Church (WEL)
St. John the Divine (O)
Danville
Danville Cong. UCC (ONA)
Peace Lutheran (RIC)
Davis
Davis UMC (RC)
El Cajon
Summit UU Fellowship (WEL)
El Cerrito
Christ Lutheran (RIC)
El Cerrito UMC (RC)
Mira Vista UCC (ONA)
Northminster Presbyterian (ML)
Eureka
First Congregational (ONA)
Fair Oaks
Fair Oaks UMC (RC)
Fairfax
Fairfax Community (ONA)
Fremont
Fremont Congregational (ONA)
Niles Congregational UCC (ONA)
Fresno
College Comm. Cong. (ONA)
First Congregational (ONA)
Wesley UMC (RC)
Fullerton
Fullerton Congregational (ONA)
Gardena
First UMC (RC)
Geyserville
Geyserville Christian (O&A)
Goleta
Live Oaks UU Congregation (WEL)
Guerneville
Community Church, UCC (ONA)
Hayward
Eden UCC (ONA)
New Fellowship UCC (ONA)
United Church (ONA)
Westminster Hills Presbyterian (ML)
Hollywood
Hollywood Lutheran (RIC)
Hollywood UMC (RC)
Hope Lutheran (RIC)
Irvine
Irvine UCC (ONA)
Kensington
Arlington Community UCC (ONA)
Lafayette
Lafayette Christian (O&A)
Laguna Niguel
Shepherd of the Hills (ONA)
La Puente
Delhaven Christian Church (O&A)
Larkspur
Redwoods Presbyterian (ML)
La Verne
Church of the Brethren (SCN)
Long Beach
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
First UMC (RC)
Resurrection Lutheran (RIC)
St. Luke’s Episcpal (O)
St. Thomas of Canterbury (O)
The UU Church (WEL)
Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
Los Alamitos
Community Congregational UCC (ONA)
Los Angeles
All Saints’ Episcopal (O)
Bethel Lutheran (RIC)
First Unitarian of Los Angeles (WEL)
Holy Nativity Episcopal (O)
Mt. Hollywood Congregational UCC (ONA)
Pueblo Nuevo de Jesucristo (O)
St. Bede’s Episcopal (O)
St. John’s Episcopal (O)
St. Mary’s Episcopal, Palms (O)
St. Thomas the Apostle (O)
St. James’ Episcopal (O)
Trinity Episcopal (O)
United University (ML, RC)
Westwood Hills Congregational (ONA)
Wilshire UMC (RC)
Los Gatos
First UMC (RC)
Skyland Community (ONA)
Malibu
Malibu UMC (RC)
Marin City
St. Andrews Presbyterian (ML)
Martinez
Martinez UMC (RC)
Milpitas
Sunnyhills UMC (RC)
Modesto
College Avenue Congregational (ONA)
Napa
Emmanuel Lutheran (RIC)
Newark
Holy Redeemer Lutheran (RIC)
North Hollywood
St. Matthew’s Lutheran (RIC)
Toluca Lake UMC (RC)
Oakland
Beacon Presbyterian Fellowship (ML)
Faith American Lutheran (RIC)
First Congregational (ONA)
First Lutheran (RIC)
Lake Merritt UMC (RC)
Lakeshore Avenue Baptist (W&A)
Lutheran Peace Fellowship (RIC)
Montclair Presbyterian (ML)
Plymouth UCC (ONA)
St. Paul Lutheran (RIC)
Orinda
Orinda Comm. Ch. UCC (ONA)
Palo Alto
Covenant Presbyterian (ML)
First Evangelical Lutheran (RIC)
First Presbyterian (ML)
TOTAL
AC Affirming Congregation (United Church of Canada) ....................... 15
ML More Light Presbyterians ................................................................. 100
O O, OAS, INT (Episcopal)** .............................................................. 165
ONA Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ) ............................. 338
O&A Open & Affirming (Disciples) ............................................................ 45
RIC Reconciling in Christ (Lutheran) .....................................................209
RC Reconciling Congregation (United Methodist) ................................ 198
SCN Supportive Congregation Network (Brethren/Mennonite) ............... 28
W&A Welcoming & Affirming (American Baptist) .....................................42
WEL Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist) ................................................ 257
*This total is lower than the sum of the numbers listed above and on the right because some welcoming communities are multiply designated and affiliated with more than one denomination.
** O=Officially Welcoming; OAS=Oasis; INT=Integrity Host.

PULL-OUT SECTION ➚
14 Open Hands
St. Andrew’s UMC (RC)
University Lutheran (RIC)
UU Church of Palo Alto (WEL)
Palm Springs
St. Paul in the Desert (INT)
Pasadena
All Saints’ Episcopal (O)
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Neighborhood Church (WEL)
Throop Memorial UU Church (WEL)
Pomona
St. Paul’s Episcopal (O)
Portola Valley
Ladera Community Church (ONA)
Rancho Palos Verdes
Pacific Unitarian Church (WEL)
Redondo Beach
St. Paul’s UMC (RC)
Richmond
Grace Lutheran (RIC)
Riverside
First Congregational (ONA)
St. George’s Episcopal (O)
UU Church of Riverside (WEL)
Sacramento
Lutheran Church of Our Redeemer (RIC)
Parkside Community (ONA)
Unitarian Universalist Society (WEL)
Salinas
Good Shepherd Episcopal (INT)
San Bernardino
First Congregational Church, UCC (ONA)
St. John’s Episcopal (O)
San Bruno
Peace Lutheran (RIC)
San Diego
First Lutheran (RIC)
First Unitarian (WEL)
Pacific Beach UMC (RC)
St. Paul’s Cathedral (INT)
San Diego Mennonite (SCN)
University Christian (O&A)
San Francisco
Bethany UMC (RC)
Calvary UMC (RC)
Christ Church Lutheran (RIC)
Church of the Advent (OAS)
Ch. of the Incarnation (OAS)
Church of St. John the Evangelist (OAS)
City of Refuge (ONA)
Dolores Street Baptist (W&A)
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
First Mennonite Church (SCN)
First St. John’s UMC (RC)
First Unitarian Society (WEL)
First United Lutheran (RIC)
Glide Memorial UMC (RC)
Grace Cathedral (OAS)
Hamilton UMC (RC)
Noe Valley Ministry (ML)
Pine UMC (RC)
Seventh Avenue Presbyterian (ML)
St. Aidan’s Church (OAS)
St. Francis Lutheran (RIC)
St. John the Evangelist Episcopal (OAS)
St. John’s UCC (ONA)
St. Mark’s Lutheran (RIC)
St. Paulus Lutheran (RIC)
Temple UMC (RC)
Trinity Church (OAS)
San Jose
Almaden Hills UMC (RC)
Alum Rock UMC (RC)
Christ the Good Shepherd Lutheran (RIC)
1st Cong. Ch. of San Jose UCC (ONA)
First Christian Church (O&A)
New Community of Faith (ONA, W&A)
St. Paul’s UMC (RC)
Trinity Cathedral (INT)
San Leandro
San Leandro Comm. Church (ONA, W&A)
San Mateo
Chalice Christian Church (O&A)
College Heights UCC (ONA)
First Christian (O&A)
UU of San Mateo (WEL)
San Pedro
St. Peter’s Episcopal (O)
San Rafael
Christ in Terra Linda Presb. (ML)
Faith Lutheran (RIC)
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
First UMC (RC)
UU Congregation of Marin (WEL)
Santa Ana
Messiah Episcopal (O)
Santa Barbara
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
La Mesa Community (ONA)
Trinity Episcopal Church (O)
Santa Clarita
St. Stephen’s Episcopal (O)
Santa Cruz
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
First UMC (RC)
Grace UMC (RC)
Santa Monica
The Church in Ocean Park (RC)
St. Augustine-by-the-Sea Episcopal (O)
Santa Rosa
Christ UMC (RC)
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
UU Fellowship of Sonoma Co. (WEL)
Saratoga
Grace UMC (RC)
Sausalito
First Presbyterian (ML)
Sebastopol
Community Church (ONA)
Simi Valley
United Church of Christ (ONA)
South Lake Tahoe
Lake Tahoe UU Fellowship (WEL)
Stockton
Central UMC (RC)
First Christian (O&A)
St. Mark’s UMC (RC)
Studio City
St. Michael and All Angel’s Episcopal (O)
Sunnyvale
Congregational Community (ONA)
Raynor Park Christian (O&A)
St. John’s Lutheran (RIC)
Sunol
Little Brown Church (ONA)
Thousand Oaks
Conejo Valley UU Fellowship (WEL)
Tiburon
Community Congregational (ONA)
Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran (RIC)
Westminster Presbyterian (ML)
Vacaville
St. Paul’s UMC (RC)
Vallejo
Fellowship UMC (RC)
First Christian (O&A)
Ventura
UU Church of Ventura (WEL)
Walnut Creek
Mt. Diablo UU (WEL)
Walnut Creek UMC (RC)
West Covina
Shepherd of the Valley Lutheran (RIC)
West Hollywood
Crescent Heights UMC (RC)
West Hollywood Presbyterian (ML)
Whittier
St. Matthias’ Episcopal (O)
Yucaipa
Faith Lutheran (RIC)
COLORADO
Arvada
Arvada Mennonite (SCN)
Arvada UMC (RC)
Aurora
Parkview Congregational UCC (ONA)
Boulder
Boulder Mennonite (SCN)
Community UCC (ONA)
First Christian (O&A)
First Congregational (ONA)
First UMC (RC)
Mount Calvary Lutheran (RIC)
St. John’s Episcopal (O&I)
UU Church of Boulder (WEL)
Colorado Springs
All Souls Unitarian (WEL)
First Congregational (ONA)
High Plains UU Church (WEL)
Denver
Capitol Heights Presbyterian (ML)
Fireside Christian (O&A)
First Universalist (WEL)
Our Savior’s Lutheran (RIC)
Park Hill Congregational UCC (ONA)
Sixth Avenue United (ONA)
Spirit of Joy Fellowship (SCN)
St. Andrew’s Episcopal (O)
St. Barnabas Episcopal (O)
St. John’s Episcopal (O)
St. Paul Lutherans (RIC)
St. Paul’s UMC (RC)
St. Thomas Episcopal (O)
Warren UMC (RC)
Washington Park UCC (ONA)
Englewood
First Plymouth Cong. UCC (ONA)
Evergreen
Wild Rose UCC (ONA)
Fort Collins
Foothills Unitarian Church (WEL)
Fort Collins Mennonite Fel. (SCN)
St. Thomas Lutheran Chapel (RIC)
Grand Junction
Koinonia Church (SCN, W&A)
Greeley
Family of Christ Presbyterian (ML)
Littleton
Columbine UU Church (WEL)
Longmont
First Cong. UCC (ONA, W&A)
Pueblo
Christ Congregational, UCC (ONA)
UU Church (WEL)
Telluride
Christ Presbyterian (ML)
CONNECTICUT
Bridgeport (Stratford)
UU Church of Greater Bridgeport (WEL)
Coventry
Second Congregational (ONA)
Ellington
First Lutheran (RIC)
Fairfield
First Church Cong. (ONA)
Glastonbury
First Church of Christ Cong. (ONA)
Guilford
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Hamden
Spring Glen Church, UCC (ONA)
U Society of New Haven (WEL)
Hartford
Central Baptist (W&A)
First Church of Christ, UCC (ONA)
Madison
Shoreline UU Society (WEL)
Manchester
UU Society: East (WEL)
Mansfield Center
First Church of Christ Cong. (ONA)
Meriden
UU Church in Meriden (WEL)
Middletown
First Church of Christ Cong. (ONA)
New Haven
Church of Christ in Yale Univ. (ONA)
The Church of the Redeemer, UCC (ONA)
First Church of Christ (ONA)
First & Summerfield UMC (RC)
United Church on the Green (ONA)
Noank
Noank Baptist (W&A)
South Glastonbury
Congregational Church (ONA)
Stamford
St. John Lutheran (RIC)
Storrs
Storrs Congregational (ONA)
Unitarian Fellowship of Storrs (WEL)
Uncasville
Uncasville UMC (RC)
Waterbury
South Congregational (ONA)
St. John’s Church (INT)
West Redding
UU Society of Northern Fairfield Cty (WEL)
Westport
Unitarian Church (WEL)
Windsor
First Church UCC (ONA)
DELAWARE
Newark
New Ark UCC (ONA)
Wilmington
First Unitarian Society of Wilmington
(WEL)
West Presbyterian (ML)
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
Washington, D.C.
All Souls Unitarian (WEL)
Augustana Lutheran (RIC)
Christ Lutheran (RIC)
Christ UMC (RC)
Community of Christ Lutheran (RIC)
Dumbarton UMC (RC)
First Congregational (ONA)
First Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
Winter 2001 15
Foundry UMC (RC)
Georgetown Lutheran (RIC)
Grace Lutheran (RIC)
Lutheran Church of the Reformation (RIC)
New York Ave. Presbyterian (ML)
Riverside Baptist (W&A)
Sojourner Truth Cong. UU (WEL)
St. Thomas’ Parish (INT)
St. Paul’s Lutheran (RIC)
Westminster Presbyterian (ML)
FLORIDA
Bradenton
Manatee UU Church (WEL)
Clearwater
UU Church of Clearwater (WEL)
Daytona Beach (Ormond Beach)
UU Society Daytona Beach Area (WEL)
Dunedin
Faith Presbyterian (ML)
Fort Lauderdale
UU Church of Fort Lauderdale (WEL)
Gainesville
United Church (ONA)
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship (WEL)
Key West
Holy Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
Lake Mary
Grace UMC (RC)
Miami Beach
Miami Beach Community (ONA)
Riviera Presbyterian (ML)
St. John’s UMC (RC)
North Palm Beach
First Unitarian (WEL)
Orlando
First Unitarian (WEL)
Pinellas Park
Good Samaritan Presbyterian (ML, ONA)
St. Petersburg
Lakewood UCC (ONA)
Sunrise
Christ the King Lutheran (RIC)
Tallahassee
St. Stephen Lutheran (RIC)
United Church (ONA)
Tampa
First United Church (ONA)
John Calvin Presbyterian (ML)
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
GEORGIA
Athens
Unitarian Universalist Fellowship (WEL)
Atlanta
Clifton Presbyterian (ML)
Ormewood Park Presbyterian (ML)
Trinity UMC (RC)
UU Congregation of Atlanta (WEL)
Macon
High Street UU Church (WEL)
Marietta
Pilgrimage UCC (ONA)
Savannah
St. Luke Lutheran (RIC)
HAWAI‘I
Honolulu
Calvary By the Sea Lutheran (RIC)
Church of the Crossroads (ONA)
Honolulu Lutheran (RIC)
St. Mark’s Church (INT)
Kalaupapa
Kanaana Hou-Siloama, UCC (ONA)
Pearl City
Trinity UMC (RC)
IDAHO
Boise
First Cong. UCC (ONA)
St. Michael’s Cathedral (INT)
Pocatellow
Trinity Episcopal (INT)
ILLINOIS
Aurora
Lutheran Church of the Redeemer (RIC)
The N.E. Cong. UCC (ONA)
Bloomington
Unitarian Church of Bloomington (WEL)
Carbondale
Carbondale UU Fellowship (WEL)
Church of the Good Shepherd (ONA)
Champaign
Community UCC (ONA)
McKinley Memorial Presbyterian (ML)
St. Andrew’s Lutheran (RIC)
Chicago
Albany Park UMC (RC)
Augustana Lutheran (RIC)
Berry Memorial UMC (RC)
Broadway UMC (RC)
Christ the King Lutheran (RIC)
Christ the Mediator Lutheran (RIC)
Ebenezer Lutheran (RIC)
Epworth UMC (RC)
Douglas Park Ch. of the Brethren (SCN)
First UMC (RC)
First Unitarian Church of Chicago (WEL)
Grace Baptist (W&A)
Grace UMC (RC)
Holy Covenant UMC (RC)
Holy Trinity Evangelical Lutheran (RIC)
Immanuel Lutheran (RIC)
Irving Park Christian (O&A)
Irving Park UMC (RC)
Lake View Lutheran (RIC)
Lincoln Park Presbyterian (ML)
Nazareth UCC (ONA)
New Hope UMC (RC)
New Light of Christ Lutheran (RIC)
Park View Lutheran (RIC)
Peoples Church (ONA)
Resurrection Lutheran (RIC)
Second Unitarian Church (WEL)
St. Luke’s Evangelical Lutheran (RIC)
St. Paul’s UCC (ONA)
Third Unitarian Church (WEL)
Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
United Church of Rogers Park (RC)
University Church (ONA, O&A)
Wellington Avenue UCC (ONA)
Elmhurst
Maywood House Church (RIC)
Decatur
UU Fellowship of Decatur (WEL)
East Peoria
New Church (ONA)
Evanston
Lake Street Church of Evanston (W&A)
Hemenway UMC (RC)
Unitarian Church of Evanston (WEL)
Wheadon UMC (RC)
Hazel Crest
Hazel Crest Community UMC (RC)
Jacksonville
Congregational Church, UCC (ONA)
La Grange
First Congregational (ONA)
Metamora
Christ UCC of Germantown Hills (ONA)
Naperville
Dupage UU Church (WEL)
First Congregational Church (ONA)
Normal
New Covenant Comm. (ML, ONA, O&A)
Northampton
St. John’s Episcopal (INT)
Oak Park
Euclid Avenue UMC (RC)
First United Church (ML, ONA)
Good Shepherd Lutheran (RIC)
Grace Church (INT)
Oak Park Mennonite (SCN)
Pilgrim Church (ONA)
Unity Temple UU Congregation (WEL)
Park Forest
UU Community (WEL)
Rockford
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
Schaumburg
Prince of Peace Lutheran (RIC)
Springfield
Abraham Lincoln UU Congregation (WEL)
Streamwood
Immanuel UCC (ONA)
Urbana
UU Church (WEL)
Waukegan
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Wheaton
St. Paul Lutheran (RIC)
Wilmette
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Winfield
Winfield Community UMC (RC)
INDIANA
Bloomington
St. Thomas Lutheran (RIC)
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
Fort Wayne
UU Congregation of Fort Wayne (WEL)
Goshen
Circle of Hope Mennonite Fellowship (SCN)
Greencastle
Gobin Memorial UMC (RC)
Indianapolis
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Northeast UCC (ONA)
Lafayette
UU Church of Lafayette (WEL)
North Manchester
Manchester Church of the Brethren (SCN)
South Bend
Central UMC (RC)
First Unitarian (WEL)
Southside Christian (O&A)
West Lafayette
Shalom UCC (ONA)
IOWA
Ames
Ames Mennonite (SCN)
Lord of Life Lutheran (RIC)
UCC Congregational (ONA)
University Lutheran (RIC)
UU Fellowship of Ames (WEL)
Cedar Rapids
Faith UMC (RC)
Peoples Church UU (WEL)
Clinton
Clinton-Camanche, Iowa MFSA (RC)
Davenport
Davenport Unitarian (WEL)
Des Moines
Cottage Grove Avenue Presbyterian (ML)
First Unitarian (WEL)
Plymouth Congregational UCC (ONA)
Trinity UMC (RC)
Urbandale UCC (ONA)
Grinnel
UCC Congregational (ONA)
Iowa City
Faith UCC (ONA)
UU Society of Iowa City (WEL)
KANSAS
Kansas City
FaithWorks Community (O&A)
Rainbow Mennonite (SCN)
Olathe
St. Andrews Christian (O&A)
Topeka
Central Congregational UCC (ONA)
Wichita
First UU Church (WEL)
KENTUCKY
Henderson
Zion UCC (ONA)
Lexington
The UU Church of Lexington (WEL)
Louisville
Calvary Lutheran (RIC)
Central Presbyterian (ML)
First Unitarian (WEL)
Third Lutheran (RIC)
Mount Prospect
Grace and Glory Lutheran (RIC)
LOUISIANA
New Orleans
St. Mark’s UMC (RC)
MAINE
Alfred
Alfred Parish Church (ONA)
Bath
UCC, Congregational (ONA)
Camden
John Street UMC (RC)
Ellsworth
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
Mt. Desert
Somesville Union Meeting House (ONA)
Parsonfield
Riverside UMC (RC)
Portland
Woodfords Cong. UCC (ONA)
Rockland
The First Universalist (WEL)
Saco
First Parish Cong. Ch. of Saco (ONA)
Sanford
UU Church (WEL)
Waterville
Universalist Unitarian (WEL)
Wilton
First Congregational (ONA)
MARYLAND
Adelphi
Paint Branch UU (WEL)
Annapolis
St. Margaret’s Episcopal (O)
Unitarian Church of Annapolis (WEL)
16 Open Hands
Baltimore
Brown Memorial Park Ave. Pres. (ML)
Cathedral Church of the Incarnation (INT)
Church of the Good Shepherd (O)
Church of the Holy Apostles (O)
Church of the Holy Nativity (O)
Church of the Redeemer (O)
Dundalk Church of the Brethren (SCN)
First & Franklin Presbyterian (ML)
Grace and St. Peter’s Church (O)
Govans Presbyterian (ML)
St. Andrew’s Episcopal (O)
St. George’s and St. Matthew’s (O)
St. James, Lafayette Square (O)
St. John’s Huntingdon (O)
St. John’s UMC (RC)
St. Margaret’s, Coventry (O)
St. Mark’s Lutheran (RIC)
St. Paul’s Parish (O)
First Unitarian of Baltimore (WEL)
Bethesda
Cedar Lane Unitarian (WEL)
River Road Unitarian (WEL)
Westmoreland Cong. UCC (ONA)
Cockeysville
Sherwood Episcopal Church (O)
Columbia
Abiding Savior Lutheran (RIC)
Christ UMC (RC)
Columbia United Christian (O&A)
Columbia United Christian (ONA)
St. John UM-Presbyterian (ML, RC)
UU Congregation (WEL)
Cumberland
Emmanuel Parish (O)
Holy Cross Episcopal Church (O)
Darlington
Deer Creek Parish, Grace Memorial (O)
Davidson
All Hallow’s Parish (O)
Deer Park
St. John’s Church (O)
Essex
Holy Trinity Church (O)
Frederick
St. Timothy’s Church (O)
Gaithersburg
Christ the Servant Lutheran (RIC)
Glencoe
Immanuel Church (O)
Glen Dale
St. George’s Episcopal (INT)
Lanham
Good Samaritan Lutheran (RIC)
Lutherville
Church of the Holy Comforter (O)
Towson UU Church (WEL)
Oakland
St. Matthew’s Church (O)
Odenton
Epiphany Episcopal Church (O)
Prince Frederick
St. Paul’s Parish (O)
Rockville
Rockville Presbyterian (ML)
Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
Unitarian Church of Rockville (WEL)
Silver Spring
Christ Congregational UCC (ONA)
Silver Spring Presbyterian (ML)
UU Church of Silver Spring (WEL)
Street
Holy Cross Church, The Rocks (O)
Takoma Park
Takoma Park Presbyterian (ML)
Timonium
Epiphany Church (O)
Walkersville
The Gathering–A Family of Faith (O)
MASSACHUSETTS
Acton
St. Matthew’s UMC (RC)
Amherst
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
South Congregational (ONA)
Andover
Ballardvale United (ONA, RC)
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
Arlington
First Parish UU Church (WEL)
Athol
South Athol UMC (RC)
Auburn
Pakachoag (ONA)
Auburndale
United Parish of Auburndale (ONA)
Barnstable
The Unitarian Church (WEL)
Boston
Arlington Street (WEL)
Church of the Covenant (ML, ONA)
Old South Church (ONA)
Union UMC (RC)
Braintree
All Souls Church (WEL)
Brewster
First Parish (WEL)
Cambridge
First Church, Congregational (ONA)
Harvard-Epworth UMC (RC)
Old Cambridge Baptist (W&A)
University Lutheran (RIC)
Concord
West Concord Union (ONA)
Danvers
Holy Trinity UMC (RC)
Duxbury
First Parish Church, UU (WEL)
Framingham
Edwards Church UCC (ONA)
First Parish in Framingham, UU (WEL)
Grace UCC (ONA)
Franklin
First Universalist Society (WEL)
Greenfield
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Hingham
First Parish Old Ship (WEL)
Hingham Congregational (ONA)
Holliston
First Congregational (ONA)
Jamaica Plain
Central Congregational (ONA)
First Church, UU (WEL)
Lexington
Follen Community Church (WEL)
The First Parish Church, UU (WEL)
Lexington UMC (RC)
Lincoln
The First Parish in Lincoln (ONA)
Malden
The First Ch. in Malden (ONA)
Marblehead
St. Stephen’s UMC (RC)
Marshfield
Marshfield UMC (RC)
Medford
UU Church (WEL)
Middleboro
First Unitarian Society (WEL)
Needham
Cong. Church of Needham, UCC (ONA)
First Parish UU (WEL)
Newburyport
Belleville Congregational UCC (ONA)
First Parish Society (WEL)
People’s UMC (RC)
Newton
Eliot Church of Newton, UCC (ONA)
Newton Highlands
Congregational (ONA)
Northampton
First Baptist Church (W&A)
First Church of Christ (ONA)
Unitarian Society (WEL)
North Easton
Unity Church (UU) (WEL)
Norwell
First Parish Church (WEL)
UCC Congregational (ONA)
Osterville
United Methodist (RC)
Penbroke
First Church in Penbroke (ONA)
Plymouth
First Parish Church (WEL)
Provincetown
Universalist Meeting House (WEL)
Reading
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
Roxbury
Ch. Of United Community (O&A, ONA)
Salem
Crombie Street UCC (ONA)
First Universalist Society (WEL)
Shrewsbury
Mt. Olivet Lutheran (RIC)
Somerville
Clarenden Hill Presbyterian (ML)
First Cong. of Somerville (ONA)
South Hadley
UMC of Holyoke, S. Hadley, & Granby
Springfield
First Ch. of Christ Congregational (ONA)
South Cong. Church, UCC (ONA)
UU Society of Greater Springfield (WEL)
Stowe
First Parish Ch. of Stowe & Acton (WEL)
Sudbury
The First Parish (WEL)
Memorial Congregational UCC (ONA)
Waltham
First Presbyterian (ML)
Wayland
First Parish Church, UU (WEL)
Wellesley
Wellesley Congregational (ONA)
UU Society (WEL)
Wendell
Wendell Congregational (ONA)
West Newton
First Unitarian Society (WEL)
Second Church in Newton UCC (ONA)
West Somerville
College Avenue UMC (RC)
Williamstown
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
First UMC (RC)
Winchester
The Winchester Unitarian Society (WEL)
Worcester
Bethany Christian (W&A, ONA, O&A)
United Congregational (ONA)
UU Church (WEL)
MICHIGAN
Ann Arbor
Amistad Community Church, UCC (ONA)
Central UMC (RC)
Church of the Good Shepherd (ONA)
First UU (WEL)
Lord of Light Lutheran (RIC)
Memorial Christian (O&A)
Northside Presbyterian (ML)
St. Andrew’s Episcopal (OAS)
Bloomfield Hills
Birmingham Unitarian (WEL)
Detroit
First UU Church (WEL)
Truth Evangelical Lutheran (RIC)
Douglas
Douglas Congregational UCC (ONA)
East Lansing
Edgewood United Church (ONA)
UU of Greater Lansing (WEL)
Ferndale
Zion Lutheran (RIC)
Flint
UU Church of Flint (WEL)
Farmington Hills
UU Church of Farmington
Grand Rapids
Plymouth Congregational, UCC (ONA)
Kalamazoo
Phoenix Community UCC (ONA)
Skyridge Church of the Brethren (SCN)
Lansing
Ecclesia (O&A)
Lansing Church of the Brethren (SCN)
Pilgrim Congregational UCC (ONA)
Muskegon
Our Savior Lutheran (RIC)
Port Huron
St. Martin Lutheran (RIC)
Southfield
Calvary Lutheran (RIC)
Traverse City
UU Fellowship of Grand Traverse (WEL)
Williamston
Williamston UMC (RC)
Ypsilanti
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
MINNESOTA
Albert Lea
Christ Church Episcopal (O)
Austin
Christ Church Episcopal (O)
Burnsville
Church of the Nativity (O)
Presbyterian Church of the Apostles (ML)
Chatfield
St. Matthew’s Church (O)
Duluth
Gloria Dei (RIC)
St. Andrew’s by the Lake (O)
St. Paul’s Episcoapl (O)
Winter 2001 17
Eagan
Ss. Martha and Mary Episcopal (O)
Edina
Edina Community Lutheran (RIC)
Good Samaritan UMC (RC)
Falcon Heights
Falcon Heights UCC (ONA)
Frontenac
Christ Church Episcopal (O)
Hibbing
St. James’ Episcopal (O)
Little Falls
The Church of Our Saviour (O)
Mahtomedi
White Bear UU (WEL)
Mankato
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
St. John’s Church (O)
Maple Grove
Pilgrims United (ONA)
Marshall
St. James’ Church (O)
Minneapolis
Cathedral Church of St. Mark (O)
The Church of Gethsemane (O)
Christ the Redeemer Lutheran (RIC)
First Congregational (ONA)
First Unitarian Society (WEL)
First Universalist (WEL)
Grace University Lutheran (RIC)
Hennepin Avenue UMC (RC)
Hobart UMC (RC)
Holy Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
Judson Memorial Baptist (W&A)
Lyndale UCC (ONA)
Lynnhurst Congregational (ONA)
Mayflower Community Cong. UCC (ONA)
Minnehaha UCC (ONA)
Mt. Olive Lutheran (RIC)
Our Savior’s Lutheran (RIC)
Parkway UCC (ONA)
Praxis (RC)
Prospect Park UMC (RC)
Spirit of the Lakes (ONA)
St. Andrew’s Lutheran (RIC)
St. James’ on the Parkway (O)
St. John the Baptist Episcopal (O)
St. Luke’s Parish (O)
St. Matthew’s Church (O)
St. Paul’s Parish (O)
St. Peter Lutheran (RIC)
The Parish of Holy Trinity & St. Ansgar (O)
University Baptist (W&A)
Univ. Lutheran Church of Hope (RIC)
Walker Community (RC)
Wesley UMC (RC)
Zion Lutheran (RIC)
Minnetonka
St. David’s Church (O)
New Brighton
United Church of Christ (ONA)
New Ulm
St. Peter’s Church (O)
Northfield
All Saints’ Church (O)
First UCC (ONA)
Onamia
Onamia UMC (RC)
Prairie Island
Church of the Messiah (O)
Red Wing
Christ Church (O)
Richfield
St. Nicholas’ Church
Robbinsdale
Robbinsdale UCC (ONA)
Roseville
St. Christopher’s Church (O)
Sauk Center
The Church of the Good Samaritan (O)
The Living Waters (O)
Shoreview
Peace UMC (RC)
St. Cloud
St. Cloud UU Fellwoship (WEL)
St. John’s Episcopal Church (O)
Univ. Lutheran of the Epiphany (RIC)
St. Paul
Ascension Church (O)
Cherokee Park United (ML, ONA)
The Church of St. Paul on the Hill & La
Mision El (O)
Dayton Avenue Presbyterian (ML)
Gloria Dei Lutheran (RIC)
Hamline UMC (RC)
Macalester-Plymouth United (ML, ONA)
St. Anthony Park UCC
St. Clement’s Church (O)
St. John the Evangelist (O)
St. Mary’s Church (O)
St. Paul Mennonite Fellowship (SCN)
St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran (RIC)
Stillwater
The Church of the Ascension (O)
Sunfish Lake
St. Anne’s Church (O)
Wabasha
Grace Memorial Church (O)
Waseca
Trinity Episcopal (O)
Wayzatta
St. Luke Presbyterian (ML)
White Bear Lake
St. John in the Wilderness (O)
MISSISSIPPI
Meridian
Church of the Mediator (INT)
MISSOURI
Kansas City
Abiding Peace Lutheran (RIC)
All Souls Unitarian (WEL)
Country Club Congregational (ONA)
Epworth Roanoke UMC (RC)
Fountain of Hope Lutheran (RIC)
Kairos UMC (RC)
Spirit of Life Community (RIC)
St. James Lutheran (RIC)
St. Mark’s Lutheran (RIC)
Trinity UMC (RC)
Van Brunt Blvd. Presbyterian (ML)
St. Louis
Centenary UMC (RC)
Epiphany (ONA)
Gibson Heights United (ML)
Lafayette Park UMC (RC)
St. Marcus Evangelical UCC (ONA)
Tyler Place Presbyterian (ML)
University City
Bethel Lutheran (RIC)
MONTANA
Billings
Billings UU Fellowship (WEL)
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Mayflower Cong. UCC (ONA)
Bozeman
UU Fellowship of Bozeman (WEL)
Butte
United Congregational Church (ONA)
Helena
Big Sky UU Fellowship (WEL)
Kalispell
Glacier UU Fellowship (WEL)
Missoula
University Congregational UCC (ONA)
UU Fellowship of Missoula (WEL)
NEBRASKA
Lincoln
St. Mark’s on the Campus (INT)
Unitarian Church (WEL)
Omaha
First Lutheran (RIC)
First UMC (RC)
Reconciling Worship Community (RC)
NEVADA
Las Vegas
UU Congregation of Las Vegas (WEL)
Reno
UU Fellowship of Northern Nevada (WEL)
NEW HAMPSHIRE
Chocura
UU Fell. of the Eastern Slopes (WEL)
Concord
South Congregational, UCC (ONA)
Exeter
Congregational (ONA)
Hanover
Church of Christ at Dartmouth (ONA)
Our Savior Lutheran (RIC)
Jaffrey
United Church (ONA)
Laconia
UU Society of Laconia (WEL)
Milford
Unitarian Universalist Congregation (WEL)
Nashua
UU Church (WEL)
Pelham
First Congregational (ONA)
Plymouth
Plymouth Congregational (ONA)
Starr King UU Fellowship (WEL)
Sanbornton
Sanbornton Congregational UCC (ONA)
NEW JERSEY
Asbury Park
Trinity Episcopal Church (INT)
Belleville
Christ Church Episcopal (OAS)
Belvedere
St. Mary’s Episcopal (OAS)
Bloomfield
Christ Episcopal (OAS)
Boonton
St. John’s Episcopal (OAS)
Chatham
St. Paul’s Episcopal (OAS)
Cherry Hill
UU Church (WEL)
Chester
Church of the Messiah Episcopal (OAS)
Clifton
St. Peter’s Episcopal (OAS)
Closter
First Cong. Ch. UCC (ONA)
Denville
Church of Our Saviour Episcopal (OAS)
East Brunswick
East Brunswick Cong. UCC (ONA)
Englewood
St. Paul’s Episcopal (OAS)
Exeter
Congregational Church (ONA)
Fort Lee
Church of the Good Shepherd (OAS)
Hackensack
Christ Episcopal (OAS)
Hackettstown
St. James’ Episcopal (OAS)
Harrington Park
St. Andrew’s Episcopal (OAS)
Hasbrouck Heights
Church of St. John the Divine (OAS)
Haworth
St. Luke’s Episcopal (OAS)
Hawthorne
St. Clement’s Episcopal (OAS)
Hoboken
All Saints Parish (OAS)
Jersey City
Grace Lutheran (RIC)
Grace Van Vorst Episcopal (OAS)
St. Paul’s Episcopal (OAS)
Kearny
Trinity Episcopal (OAS)
Leonia
All Saints Episcopal (OAS)
Lincoln Park
St. Andrews Episcopal (OAS)
Lincroft
First Unitarian of Monmouth Cty (WEL)
Madison
Grace Episcopal (OAS)
Maplewood
St. George’s Episcopal (OAS)
Mendham
St. Mark’s Episcopal (OAS)
Millburn
St. Stephen’s Episcopal (OAS)
Montclair
St. John’s Episcopal (OAS)
St. Luke’s Episcopal (OAS)
Unitarian (WEL)
Montvale
St. Paul’s Episcopal (OAS)
Morristown
Church of the Redeemer (OAS)
St. Peter’s Episcopal (OAS)
Unitarian Fellowship (WEL)
Mt. Arlington
St. Peter’s Episcopal (OAS)
New Brunswick
Emanuel Lutheran (RIC)
Newark
Cathedral of Trinity and St. Philip (OAS)
Grace Episcopal (OAS)
Norwood
Church of the Holy Communion (OAS)
Nutley
Grace Church (O)
Oakland
St. Alban’s Episcopal (OAS)
Paramus
Central Unitarian Church (WEL)
Parsippany
St. Andrew Lutheran (RIC)
St. Gregory’s Episcopal (OAS)
Passaic
St. John’s Episcopal (OAS)
18 Open Hands
Paterson
St. Paul’s Episcopal (OAS)
Plainfield
First Unitarian Society (WEL)
Pompton Lakes
Christ Church (OAS)
Princeton
Christ Congregation (ONA, W&A)
Ramsey
St. John’s Episcopal (OAS)
Ridgewood
Christ Episcopal (OAS)
The Unitarian Society of Ridgewood (WEL)
Rutherford
Rutherford UMC (RC)
Short Hills
Christ Episcopal (OAS)
South Orange
First Presbyterian & Trinity (ML)
Sparta
St. Mary’s Episcopal (OAS)
Summit
Calvary Episcopal (OAS)
Christ Church (ONA)
Teaneck
St. Mark’s Episcopal (OAS)
Tenafly
Church of the Atonement (OAS)
Towaco
Church of the Transfiguration (OAS)
Titusville
UU of Washington Crossing (WEL)
Union City
St. John’s Episcopal (OAS)
Upper Montclair
St. James’ Episcopal (OAS)
Verona
Holy Spirit Episcopal (OAS)
Wantage
Good Shepherd Episcopal (OAS)
NEW MEXICO
Albuquerque
First Unitarian (WEL)
St. Michael & All Angels (INT)
St. Thomas of Canterbury (INT)
Santa Fe
Christ Lutheran (RIC)
First Christian Church (O&A)
St. Bede’s Episcopal (OAS)
Unitarian Church (WEL)
United Church (ONA)
NEW YORK
Albany
Emmanuel Baptist (W&A)
First Presbyterian (ML)
First UU Society of Albany (WEL)
Bay Shore
St. Peter’s Church (INT)
Binghamton
Centenary-Chenango Street UMC (RC)
UU Congregation (WEL)
Blooming Grove
Blooming Grove UCC (ONA)
Brookhaven
Old South Haven Presbyterian (ML)
Brooklyn
All Souls Bethlehem (O&A, ONA)
Church of Gethsemane (ML)
First Unitarian Cong. Society (WEL)
King’s Highway UMC (RC)
Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian (ML)
Park Slope UMC (RC)
St. Jn-St. Matt-Emmanuel Luth. (RIC)
Buffalo
Westminster Presbyterian (ML)
Canandaigua
UU Church of Canandaigua (WEL)
Canton
The UU Church (WEL)
Churchville
Union Congregational (ONA)
Copake
Craryville UMC (RC)
Cortland
United Community Church (W&A, ONA)
Dobbs Ferry
South Presbyterian (ML)
Fairport
Mountain Rise UCC (ONA)
Gloversville
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Grand Island
Riverside Salem (ONA)
Henrietta
John Calvin Presbyterian (ML)
Huntington
UU Fellowship (WEL)
Ithaca
First Baptist (W&A)
First Baptist Church (W&A)
St. Paul’s UMC (RC)
Manhasset
UU Congregation at Shelter Rock
Marcellus
First Presbyterian (ML)
Merrick
Community Presbyterian (ML)
Mt. Kisco
Mt. Kisco Presbyterian (ML)
UU Fell. of Northern Westchester (WEL)
Mt. Sinai
Mt. Sinai Congregational UCC (ONA)
New York City
Broadway UCC (ONA)
Central Presbyterian (ML)
Church of the Holy Apostles (OAS)
The Community Church of NY, UU (WEL)
Good Shepherd-Faith Presbyterian (ML)
Grace & St. Paul’s Lutheran (RIC)
Holy Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
Jan Hus Presbyterian (ML)
Judson Memorial (ONA, W&A)
Madison Avenue Baptist (W&A)
Metropolitan-Duane UMC (RC)
Our Savior’s Atonement Lutheran (RIC)
Park Avenue Christian (O&A)
Riverside (ONA, W&A)
Rutgers Presbyterian (ML)
St. Paul & St. Andrew UMC (RC)
St. Peter’s Lutheran (RIC)
Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
Trinity Lutheran-Lower East Side (RIC)
Trinity Presbyterian (ML)
Unitarian Ch. of All Souls (WEL)
Washington Square UMC (RC)
West-Park Presbyterian (ML)
Norwich
First Congregational, UCC (ONA)
Oneonta
First UMC (RC)
UU Society (WEL)
Palisades
Palisades Presbyterian (ML)
Plattsburgh
Plattsburgh UMC (RC)
Poughkeepsie
Unitarian Fellowship (WEL)
Richmondtown (Staten Island)
The Church of St. Andrew (INT)
Riverhead
First Congregational (ONA)
Rochester
Calvary-St. Andrews (ML)
Ch. of St. Luke & St. Simon Cyrene (INT)
Downtown United Presbyterian (ML)
First Unitarian (WEL)
First Universalist of Rochester (WEL)
Lake Avenue Baptist (W&A)
Third Presbyterian (ML)
Westminster Presbyterian (ML)
Saratoga Springs
Presb.-New Eng. Cong. (ML, ONA)
Saratoga Springs UMC (RC)
Sayville
Sayville Congregational UCC (ONA)
Schenectady
Emmanuel Bapt.–Friedens UCC (ONA, W&A)
First UMC (RC)
First Unitarian (WEL)
Sea Cliff
UMC of Sea Cliff (RC)
Slatehill
Grace UMC of Ridgebury (RC)
Slingerlands
Community UMC (RC)
Snyder
Amherst Community (ONA, O&A)
Syosset
The Community Church (ONA)
Syracuse
First UU Society of Syracuse (WEL)
May Memorial UU Society (WEL)
Plymouth Congregational UCC (ONA)
Troy
First United Presbyterian (ML)
Utica
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
White Plains
St. Bartholomew’s Episcopal (INT)
Williamsville
UU of Amherst (WEL)
Yorktown Heights
First Presbyterian (ML)
NORTH CAROLINA
Asheville
UU Church of Asheville (WEL)
Chapel Hill
Church of the Reconciliation (ML)
Olin T. Binkley Memorial Baptist (W&A)
United Church (ONA)
Charlotte
Holy Covenant UCC (ONA)
Holy Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
UU Church of Charlotte (WEL)
Durham
Eno River UU Fellowship (WEL)
Pilgrim UCC (ONA)
Greensboro
UU Church of Greensboro
Raleigh
Community UCC (ONA)
Pullen Memorial Baptist (W&A)
UU Fellowship of Raleigh
Wilmington
Church of the Servant (INT)
UU Fellowship (WEL)
Winston-Salem
Parkway UCC (ONA)
UU Fellowship (WEL)
NORTH DAKOTA
Fargo
Fargo-Moorhead UU Church (WEL)
St. Mark’s Lutheran (RIC)
OHIO
Akron
UU Church of Akron (WEL)
Brecksville
United Church of Christ (ONA)
Chesterland
Community Church (ONA)
Chillicothe
Orchard Hill UCC (ONA)
Cincinnati
Church of Our Savior (INT)
Clifton UMC (RC)
Mt. Auburn Presbyterian (ML)
Saint John’s Unitarian Church (WEL)
Cleveland
Archwood UCC (ONA)
Euclid Ave. Congregational UCC (ONA)
Pilgrim Congregational UCC (ONA)
Simpson UMC (RC)
Trinity Cathedral (INT)
Trinity UCC (ONA)
UU of Cleveland (Cleveland Hts) (WEL)
West Shore UU (WEL)
Zion UCC (ONA)
Cleveland Heights
Church of the Redeemer (RC)
Noble Road Presbyterian (ML)
Columbus
Calvary Lutheran (RIC)
First English Lutheran (RIC)
First Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
North Congregational UCC (ONA)
Redeemer Lutheran (RIC)
St. Mark Lutheran (RIC)
Dayton
Congregation for Reconciliation (ONA)
Cross Creek Community (ONA)
Faith UCC (ONA)
Miami Valley Unitarian Fellowship (WEL)
Delaware
Delaware UU Fellowship (WEL)
Granville
First Baptist (W&A)
Lakewood
Cove UMC (RC)
Liberation UCC (ONA)
Lorain
First Cong. Church, UCC (ONA)
Marietta
First UU Church (WEL)
Norton
Grace UCC (ONA)
Oberlin
First Church in Oberlin (ONA)
Sandusky
UU Fellowship of Erie Cty (WEL)
Shaker Heights
First Unitarian of Cleveland (WEL)
Strongsville
Southwest UU Church (WEL)
Toledo
Central UMC (RC)
St. Lucas Lutheran (RIC)
Winter 2001 19
OKLAHOMA
Oklahoma City
Church of the Open Arms, UCC (ONA)
Epworth UMC (RC)
First Unitarian Church of Okla.City (WEL)
St. Andrew’s Presbyterian (ML)
Tulsa
College Hill Presbyterian (ML)
Community UU Congregation (WEL)
Fellowship Congregational, UCC (ONA)
UM Community of Hope (RC)
OREGON
Ashland
The Rogue Valley UU Fellowship (WEL)
United Church of Christ, Cong. (ONA)
Beavercreek
Beavercreek UCC (ONA)
Beaverton
Southminster Presbyterian (ML)
Bend
First Presbyterian (ML)
UU Fellowship of Central Oregon (WEL)
Corvallis
First Congregational Church (ONA)
First UMC (RC)
Estacada
Estacada UMC (RC)
Eugene
First Congregational, UCC (ONA)
Unitarian of Eugene & Lane Co. (WEL)
Forest Grove
Forest Grove UCC (ONA)
Gresham
Eastrose Fellowship UU (WEL)
Zion UCC (ONA)
Hubbard
Hubbard UCC (ONA)
Klamath Falls
Klamath Falls Cong. UCC (ONA)
Lake Oswego
Lake Oswego UCC (ONA)
Milwaukie
Clackamus UCC (ONA)
Milwaukie UCC (ONA)
Portland
Ainsworth UCC (ONA)
First Congregational (ONA)
First UMC (RC)
Metanoia Peace Community (RC)
Peace Church of the Brethren (SCN)
Southwest United (ONA)
St. James Lutheran (RIC)
St. Mark Presbyterian (ML)
Trinity Cathedral (INT)
University Park UMC (RC)
Salem
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
First Unitarian Society (WEL)
Morningside UMC (RC)
Springfield
Church of the Brethren (SCN)
Wilsonvillle
Meridian UCC (ONA)
PENNSYLVANIA
Allentown
Muhlenberg College Chapel (RIC)
St. John Lutheran (RIC)
Bethlehem
Trinity Episcopal (INT)
Devon
Main Line Unitarian (WEL)
Harrisburg
Unitarian Church (WEL)
Lansdale
Trinity Lutheran (RIC)
Levittown
United Christian Church (O&A, ONA)
Lewisburg
Beaver Memorial UMC (RC)
Norristown
Olivet-Schwenkfelder UCC (ONA)
Philadelphia
Calvary UMC (RC)
First UMC of Germantown (RC)
Germantown Mennonite Church (SCN)
Holy Communion Lutheran (RIC)
Holy Trinity Church (INT)
Old First Reformed (ONA)
St. Michael’s Lutheran (RIC)
Tabernacle United (ML, ONA)
Unitarian Society of Germantown (WEL)
Univ. Lutheran of the Incarnation (RIC)
Pittsburgh
First Unitarian (WEL)
Sixth Presbyterian (ML)
St. Andrew Lutheran (RIC)
State College
Univ. Baptist & Brethren (SCN, W&A)
Smithton
Thomas UU Church (WEL)
State College
UU Fellowship of Centre County (WEL)
Upper Darby
Christ Lutheran (RIC)
Wayne
Central Baptist (W&A)
York
UU Congregation of York (WEL)
RHODE ISLAND
East Greenwich
Westminster Unitarian (WEL)
Newport
Newport Congregational (ONA)
North Providence
St. James Church
Pawtucket
Park Place Cong. UCC (ONA)
Providence
Mathewson Street UMC (RC)
SOUTH CAROLINA
Charleston
Circular Congregational (ONA)
Columbia
Gethsemane Lutheran (RIC)
SOUTH DAKOTA
Erwin
Erwin UCC (ONA)
TENNESSEE
Chattanooga
Christ Church–Episcopal (INT)
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
Knoxville
Ch.of St. Michael and All Angels (INT)
Tennessee Valley UU (WEL)
Memphis
Calvary Church (INT)
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Nashville
Brookmeade Congregational UCC (ONA)
Edgehill UMC (RC)
First UU Church (WEL)
Hobson UMC (RC)
St. David’s Episcopal (INT)
TEXAS
Austin
First English Lutheran (RIC)
First UU Church (WEL)
St. Andrews Presbyterian (ML)
St. George’s Episcopal Church (O)
Trinity UMC (RC)
College Station
Friends Congregational (ONA)
St. Francis’ Episcopal Church (O)
UU Fellowship of Brazos Valley (WEL)
Corpus Christi
St. Paul UCC (ONA)
Dallas
Bethany Presbyterian (ML)
First Unitarian (WEL)
Midway Hills Christian (O&A)
Northaven UMC (RC)
El Paso
St. Timothy Lutheran (RIC)
Fort Worth
St. Matthew’s Lutheran (RIC)
Houston
Bering Memorial UMC (RC)
Comm. of the Reconciling Servant (ML)
Community of the Servant-Savior (ML)
Covenant Baptist (W&A)
Faith Covenant (ML, ONA)
First Congregational (ONA)
First UU Church of Houston (WEL)
Grace Evangelical Lutheran (RIC)
St. Stephen’s Episcopal Church (O)
Lubbock
St. John’s UMC (RC)
Mesquite
St. Stephen UMC (RC)
Plano
Community UU Church (WEL)
San Antonio
Spirit of Life (RIC)
UTAH
Midvale
St. James Episcopal (INT)
Ogden
UU Church of Ogden (WEL)
Salt Lake City
All Saints Church (INT)
First Unitarian Church (WEL)
Holladay UCC (ONA)
Mount Tabor Lutheran (RIC)
South Valley UU Society (WEL)
VERMONT
Bennington
Second Congregational (ONA)
Burlington
Christ Presbyterian (ML)
College Street Congregational (ONA)
First UU Society of Burlington (WEL)
Middlebury
Champlain Valley UU Society (WEL)
Congregational UCC (ONA)
Putney
United Church (ONA)
Rutland
Rutland UMC (RC)
Thetford
First Congregational Church (ONA)
Westminster West
Congregational Church (ONA)
VIRGINIA
Alexandria
Hope UCC (ONA)
Mount Vernon Unitarian (WEL)
Peace Lutheran (RIC)
Arlington
Clarendon Presbyterian (ML)
Unitarian Church (WEL)
Burke
Accotink UU Church
Charlottesville
Sojourners UCC (ONA)
Harrisonburg
Sanctuary UCC (ONA)
Manassas
Bull Run UU (WEL)
Oakton
Fairfax Unitarian (WEL)
Reston
Washington Plaza Baptist (W&A)
Roanoke
Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
Saxton’s River
Christ’s Church (ONA)
Winchester
UU of the Shenandoah Valley (WEL)
WASHINGTON
Bellevue
Eastgate Congregational UCC (ONA)
First Congregational, UCC (ONA)
First UMC (RC)
Bellingham
First Cong. of Bellingham (ONA)
Bremerton
Kitsap UU Fellowship (WEL)
Carnation
Tolt Congregational, UCC (ONA)
Chelan
Fullness of God Lutheran (RIC)
Edmonds
Edmonds UU (WEL)
Ellensburg
First UMC (RC)
Everett
First Congregational (ONA)
Federal Way
Wayside UCC (ONA)
Kirkland
Holy Spirit Lutheran (RIC)
Leavenworth
Faith Lutheran (RIC)
Marysville
Evergreen UU Fellowship (WEL)
Medical Lake
Shalom UCC (ONA)
Mountlake Terrace
Terrace View Presbyterian (ML)
Olympia
Comm. for Interfaith Celebration (ONA)
Olympia UU Congregation (WEL)
Pullman
Community Congregational UCC (ONA)
Reston
Washington Plaza Baptist (W&A)
Richland
Shalom UCC (ONA)
Seattle
Alki Cong. UCC (ONA)
Broadview Community UCC (ONA)
Central Lutheran (RIC)
Fauntleroy UCC (ONA)
Findlay Street Christian (O&A)
First Baptist (W&A)
Gethsemane Lutheran (RIC)
Gift of Grace Lutheran (RIC)
20 Open Hands
Immanuel Lutheran (RIC)
Keystone Cong. UCC (ONA)
Magnolia UCC (ONA)
Normandy Park Cong. UCC (ONA)
Pilgrim Congregational (ONA)
Plymouth Congregational (ONA)
Prospect UCC Cong. (ONA)
Ravenna UMC (RC)
Richmond Beach Cong. UCC (ONA)
Trinity UMC (RC)
St. Paul’s UCC (ONA)
University Baptist (W&A)
University Christian (O&A)
University Congregational (ONA)
University Temple UMC (RC)
Wallingford UMC (RC)
Spokane
Unitarian Church (WEL)
Suquamish
Community Congregational (ONA)
Vancouver
East Vancouver UMC (RC)
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
Walla Walla
First Congregational Church
White Salmon
Bethel Cong., UCC (ONA)
Woodinville
Northshore UCC
WEST VIRGINIA
Morgantown
UU Fellowship of Morgantown (WEL)
Wheeling
UU Congregation (WEL)
WISCONSIN
Brown Deer
Brown Deer UCC (ONA)
Delavan
Delavan UMC (RC)
Eau Claire
University Lutheran (RIC)
Green Bay
Union Cong. UCC (ONA)
Kenosha
Bradford Comm. Church UU (WEL)
Madison
Advent Lutheran (RIC)
Community of Hope UCC (ONA)
First Baptist (W&A)
First Congregational UCC (ONA)
First Unitarian Society (WEL)
James Reeb UU Congregation (WEL)
Lake Edge Lutheran (RIC)
Orchard Ridge UCC (ONA)
Prairie UU Society
Plymouth Congregational UCC (ONA)
St. Francis House (INT)
University UMC (RC)
Milwaukee
Broken Walls Christian Comm. (W&A)
Cross Lutheran (RIC)
Incarnation Lutheran (RIC)
Lake Park Lutheran (RIC)
Pentecost Lutheran (RIC)
Plymouth UCC (ONA)
Reformation Lutheran (RIC)
Village Church, Lutheran (RIC)
Racine
Olympia Brown UU Church (WEL)
Our Savior’s Lutheran (RIC)
Sheboygan
Wesley UMC (RC)
Waukesha
Christ the Servant Lutheran (RIC)
Maple Avenue Mennonite (SCN)
Wauwatosa
Mt. Zion Lutheran (RIC)
CANADA
ALBERTA
Calgary
Calgary Inter-Mennonite (SCN)
The Unitarian Church of Calgary (WEL)
Edmonton
Southminster-Steinhauer United (AC)
Unitarian Church (WEL)
BRITISH COLUMBIA
Burnaby
St. Paul’s United (AC)
Kelowna
Unitarian Fellowship of Kelowna (WEL)
Vancouver
First United Church (AC)
Trinity United (AC)
Unitarian Church (WEL)
Victoria
Capital UU Cong. of Victoria (WEL)
MANITOBA
Winnipeg
Augustine United (AC)
First Unitarian Universalist (WEL)
Young United (AC)
ONTARIO
Hamilton
First Unitarian Ch. of Hamilton (WEL)
Kingston
Sydenham Street United (AC)
Ottawa
First Unitarian Cong. of Ottawa (WEL)
Thunder Bay
Lakehead U. Fellowship (WEL)
Toronto
Bathurst United (AC)
Bloor Street United (AC)
First Unitarian Cong. of Toronto
Glen Rhodes United (AC)
Metropolitan United (AC)
Trinity-St. Paul’s United (AC)
Waterloo
Olive Branch Mennonite (SCN)
Westminster United (AC)
QUEBEC
Montreal, Quebec City
Unitarian Church of Montreal (WEL)
SASKATCHEWAN
Regina
St. James United (AC)
Saskatoon
King of Glory Lutheran (RIC)
St. Thomas-Wesley United (AC)
CAMPUS MINISTRIES
LCM, LSC, LSM=Lutheran Campus Ministry,
Student Center, Student Movement
UCM=United Campus Ministry
UMSF=United Methodist Student Fellowship
UNITED STATES
ARKANSAS
St. Martin’s Ctr, Fayetteville (INT)
CALIFORNIA
Cal-Aggie Christian House, UC-Davis (RC)
UCM, UC, Riverside (RC)
UCM, USC, Los Angeles (RC)
Wesley Fdn., UC-Berkeley (RC)
Wesley Fdn., UC-Santa Barbara (RC)
Wesley Fdn., UCLA, Los Angeles (RC)
COLORADO
LCM-Co.State Univ., Ft. Collins (RIC)
LCM, CU-Boulder (RIC)
Wesley Foundation, U. of Denver (RC)
DELAWARE
Wesley Fdn., UD, Newark (RC)
DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA
UMSF, American U. (RC)
ILLINOIS
Agape House, U. of Illinois, Chicago (RC)
Ill. Disciples Fdn., UI, Champaign (O&A)
UMSF, Ill. Wesleyan, Bloomington (RC)
UCM, No. Illinois, DeKalb (RC)
U. Christ. Min., Northwestern, Evanston (RC)
INDIANA
LCM, IU, Bloomington (RIC)
IOWA
LCM, UI, Iowa City (RIC)
Stud. Cong., Luther Coll., Decorah (RIC)
KANSAS
Episc./Luth. Ctr, U. of KS, Lawrence (RIC)
LCM, KSU, Manhattan (RIC)
United Methodist CM, UK, Lawrence (RC)
KENTUCKY
Louisville Presb. Theo. Seminary (ML Chap.)
MARYLAND
U. of Md. Episc. CM, College Park (INT)
MICHIGAN
Guild House, UM, Ann Arbor (O&A)
Wesley Fdn., Cen. MI U., Mt. Pleasant (RC)
Wesley Fdn., U. of Michigan, Ann Arbor (RC)
MINNESOTA
Augsburg Coll. LCM, Minneapolis (RIC)
Episc. Ctr, Minneapolis (INT)
LCM in Minneapolis (RIC)
Stud. Cong., St. Olaf, Northfield (RIC)
MONTANA
U. of Montana LCM, Missoula (RIC)
NEBRASKA
St. Mark’s on Campus, Lincoln (INT)
NORTH DAKOTA
Univ. Lutheran Center, NDSU, Fargo (RIC)
OHIO
UCM, OU, Athens (O&A, RC, W&A)
OREGON
LCM in Portland (RIC)
Wesley Fdn., UO, Eugene (RC)
PENNSYLVANIA
Christ Chapel, Gettysburg College,
Gettysburg (RIC)
LSC-LCM, Kutztown U, Kutztown (RIC)
TENNESSEE
Wesley Fdn., Vanderbilt, Nashville (RC)
TEXAS
LCM, UT, Austin (RIC)
VIRGINIA
Campus Christian Community, MWC,
Fredericksburg (RC, RIC)
WASHINGTON
Common Min., Wash. State U.,Pullman (RC)
LCM, WWU, Bellingham (RIC)
Wesley Club, UW, Seattle (RC)
UM Fellowship, UPS, Puget Sound (RC)
WISCONSIN
LCM, UW, LaCrosse (RIC)
LCM, Metro Milwaukee(RIC)
LCM, UW-Stout, Menomonie (RIC)
St. Francis House, Madison (INT)
Wesley Fdn., U. of Wisconsin, Madison (RC)

PULL-OUT SECTION ➚
CANADA
SASKATCHEWAN
LSC, LSM, Saskatoon (RIC)
JUDICATORIES
which have passed welcoming resolutions
Conferences (ONA)
California/Nevada N.
Central Atlantic
Central Pacific
Connecticut
Massachusetts
Michigan
Conferences (RC)
California-Nevada
New York
Northern Illinois
Regions (O&A)
Northern California/Nevada
Synods (ML)
Synod of the Northeast
Synods, ELCA (RIC)
Delaware-Maryland
Eastern North Dakota
Eastern Wash.-Idaho
Greater Milwaukee
Metro Chicago
Metro New York
Metro Washington, D.C.
Minneapolis Area
Pacifica
NATIONAL MINISTRIES
which have passed welcoming resolutions
Disciples Justice Action Network (O&A)
Disciples Peace Fellowship (O&A)
Gen’l Commission on Christian Unity &
Interreligious Concerns (RC)
Lutheran Student Movement—USA (RIC)
Methodist Fed. for Social Action (RC)
Urban Servants Corps (RIC)
INTERNATIONAL
MINISTRIES
Baptist Peace Fell. of North America (W&A)
Minnesota
New Hampshire
New York
Ohio
Rocky Mountain
Southern California
Oregon-Idaho
Troy
Wisconsin
Rocky Mountain
Sierra-Pacific
Southeastern
Southeast MI
Southeast PA
Southern CA–West
Southwestern TX
St. Paul (MN) Area
Shaping An Inclusive Church
Quarterly magazine of
Welcoming congregations
in the U.S. and Canada
Annual subscriptions $20
($25 outside U.S.)
Mail to
Open Hands
3801 N. Keeler Ave.
Chicago, IL 60641
Phone 773/736-5526
Fax 773/736-5475
www.rcp.org/openhands/
index.html
Winter 2001 21
teachers hone their skills at nurturing,
managing behavior, providing information
and dealing with conflict. Often
what is missing is the acknowledgment
that there are LGBT students, and students
with LGBT family members. Once
acknowledged, they become people.
Once they are people, it follows that
they have needs of inclusion, safety,
modeling, accurate information, and
appropriate social opportunities— just
like their peers. Also missing has been
the permission and support for teachers,
counselors and administrators to
include LGBT people in their thinking.
The same is true of leaders in the
church.
Invisible Girls and Boys
Teachers and counselors, pastors and
Sunday School teachers, need to
know what development in a hostile environment
“feels” like. They need to
know what it is like to be an LGBT person
in a heterocentric world— home,
school, church, and community. When
these missing pieces are provided, teachers,
counselors, and administrators can
begin to effect change in their schools;
pastors, church educators, and lay leaders
can begin to effect change in their congregations.
One veteran teacher said, “I
can’t believe that I’ve been teaching for
almost 30 years and this is the first time
I’m having this conversation.”
Lacking inclusion, safety, modeling,
accurate information, and appropriate
social opportunities, LGBT kids are
forced to use much of their energy to
deal with alienation and attack, verbal
and physical, whether projected, anticipated,
or real. Historically this has lead
to invisibility of the person through a
de facto unspoken, yet enforced, policy
of “don’t ask, don’t tell.” A great amount
of energy goes into this exercise,
and it contradicts other basic learnings
like “tell the truth,” “be yourself,” “do
what your ‘gut’ tells you.”
Retrospectively, LGBT adults have
generally been aware of a sense of being
“different” from very early on, including
the first years of school. Though
some understand the nature of the difference
then, most don’t realize it until
puberty, when the relationship to
sexual/affectional or gender identity
begins to become clear. Any pervasive
distraction of energy during foundational
developmental periods makes a
child, or an adult for that matter, less
available for “authentic” relationships.
Relationship building is crucial during
the social/emotional milestones of the
school years, and is the stuff of identity
formation. It does indeed “take a village,”
though preferably one willing to
understand and include you.
Corrective experiences regarding inclusion
benefit all children. Non-LGBT
kids suffer from not receiving corrective
experiences and information as
they continue to be confused by apparently
contradicting values i.e. “do unto
others”— except for “them.” Kids place
great stock in “fairness,” and are gratified
and comforted by seeing it displayed.
As shown in our sixth grade
teacher’s story, when kids (and teachers)
are invited to rise to the occasion,
they do. This is especially true where
inclusion and protection of all is
modeled for them on a consistent basis.
Without these advantages, young
people are ill-prepared to have comfortable
relationships with LGBT peers,
community and family members, and
continue to operate defensively or offensively
due to mis/dis-information.
Simple but powerful interventions can
be achieved using the “teachable moment.”
The basic ingredients of this
corrective recipe are: dealing firmly with
all harassment and violence; stopping
all put-down language, clearly including
pejorative use of terms referring to
sexual or gender identity; detoxifying
the words gay and lesbian by using them
appropriately; and supporting a full
range of identity expression unfettered
by gender role stereotypes.
Kairos: A Moment of
Spiritual Opportunity
Oh, I’m so excited,” exclaimed the
sixth grade science teacher. “I used
what we learned last week, and it went
great.” She was telling a story at the start
of class in a series of workshops I was
giving on meeting the needs of LGBT
(lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender)
students.
“During my class, the lesson was to
do a ‘query,’ ” she continued. “Some of
the boys began snickering and using the
word ‘queer.’ I stopped the lesson,” she
puffed, “and told them it’s my job to
make sure that everyone who walks in
that door feels safe and treated fairly so
they can learn, and no putting people
down for who they are will be allowed.”
“Well,” she continued, “the boy who
started it actually apologized to me and
the class, and a girl sitting on her own
in the back of the class looked right at
me silently nodding her head up and
down. It’s one of the most powerful
moments I’ve had in teaching, and I felt
so powerful. I don’t think I would have
been able to do that before. I knew what
to do and I did it. I made a difference. I
felt empowered.”
In presenting to increasing numbers
of school faculties and community
agencies, I have come to realize that part
of what I do, for some, is to re-personalize
LGBT people. There is a depersonalizing
sense of sexual-affectional minorities as
being alien and “somewhere else,” particularly
when considering children
and adolescents. I add “affectional” as
a reminder that we are dealing with
an expression of personhood, that defining
an identity simply by sexuality
skews the picture in a minimizing and
sensational way, and has left a group of
kids under-served.
I am finding that schools are already
equipped to deal appropriately with the
needs of LGBT students and want to do
so. They include all students in the language
of their mission statements, and

The Pink Cup
Kairos Teaching Moments
Chip James
22 Open Hands
Silence. They looked at me and each
other. “We’re getting angry at each
other,” offered Anna firmly.
“Why?”
“Because there are things wrong on
those lists.”
“So,” I proposed, “how about we go
back to the lists, and if you can tell me
what’s wrong with an item, we’ll agree
to take it off the list.”
Third Grade
Deconstructionists
We began to dismantle the lists.
Girls were quick and clear about
owning things on the boys list. Girls can
also be strong, fast, and can like and be
good at sports. With examples agreeable
to all, these items were removed
from the list. The boys sat silently as
their list grew shorter. I wondered if
they were feeling emasculated. They
needed help.
Knowing them all rather well, I encouraged
the boys to own something
on the girls’ list, something they needed
but were terrified to do.
“Now listen here you guys,’ I cajoled,
“I happen to know how long it takes to
make those spikes in your hair, tie laces
like that, and make sure the pants hang
right up top and at the bottom. I also
happen to know that you wouldn’t even
think of leaving your house unless they
were all perfect. So don’t even try to
tell me otherwise. Am I right?”
The boys looked at one another
blushing, with chirps of suppressed
giggles. The girls were thrilled with the
suggestion, and joined the boys chirping,
till they all laughed together at the
truth of the situation. It was removed
from the girls’ list without opposition.
I pushed again. “And you, Tony,
brought me spaghetti that you made so
I would know what a good cook you
are, right?” Again, laughter, and still
lighter spirits. That item was removed
from the girls’ list.
It was just about time to end the
meeting for that day, and there were
only a few items left on the lists. “I have
another idea,” I said, “tell me what you
think about this.” I erased the line dividing
the board into two lists.
“That’s it,” Anna cried out, “we’ll
have only one list!” She got it immediately.
They all excitedly agreed.
“If it’s going to be one list it has to
have one title,” I stated. “What will we
title the list?”
Again, silence. Then, Anna (on a roll)
states with certainty, “let’s call it ‘Humankind.’”
“Yes, yes,” the chorus went. “Humankind.”
I wrote HUMANKIND over
the one list of items not yet fully addressed.
They literally bounced together out
of my room to rejoin their classes. They
looked as though pounds of extra
weight had been taken off them. There
was such relief in surviving and even
flourishing through the process of constructing,
then consciously deconstructing
a system that is experienced
as oppressive. The children were clearly
moved by the boys’ acceptance of my
use of humor to weather the vulnerability
of potential humiliation. As it turns
out, there are all kinds of boys and all
kinds of girls, and it feels good to remember
that.
Two weeks later I played a board
game with this same group of kids. Anna
stopped the play for a moment saying,
“Hey, look what we did!” She pointed
to the plastic pawns on the board. “We
all chose opposite colors.” We all looked
at the pieces to see that, indeed each
child had chosen a color from the
‘other’ side of the original two lists. We
all laughed, and they reminisced about
how fun that meeting had been. Privately,
I feared that once attention was
called to their ‘gender-atypical’ choices,
something tantamount to a crime, they
would rectify this by trading colors. I
was gratified to see that they laughed
right over it, and, eventually, we continued
the game. They seemed gratified
too.
What Needs to Be Done,
One Level at a Time
These stories confirm the fact that
when we consider what needs to be
done in school or churches regarding
LGBT issues, we are talking about
ensuring safe and healthy identity formation
so that all kids can make responsible
choices and are capable of authentic,
healthy relationships. The work is
about withdrawing our participation in
Boys Must Be Boys and
Girls Must Be Girls
Hey! Mr. James, how can you do
that?” asked a boy in the third
grade, first to arrive of six boys and girls
in a weekly counseling group. I had no
idea what he was referring to. “Your
cup— you’re drinking out of a pink
cup!” With his permission, I brought
the question to the group when they
arrived with lunch bags and trays of
mass-produced food. “Yeah,” they
chided, “how can you drink out of a
pink cup?!” Their incredulity was
unanimous.
“Well,” I told them, “it’s got a bottom,
a handle, and it’s filled with coffee
exactly the way I like it, so I don’t
have any problem drinking out of it.
What could be the problem with me
drinking out of it?”
“It’s a girl color,” they agreed.
“Oh,” I said, “you mean there are
things only for girls and only for boys?”
“YES!”
“OK, so let’s do this so we can get
really clear.” I drew a line down the center
of the black board, labeling one side
BOYS, and the other GIRLS. “Let’s list
as many girl things and boy things as
we can.” They instantly began calling
out items for the lists, seemingly without
dispute. Of course, the lists began
with colors. Girl colors are pink, red,
yellow, and purple, while boy colors are
blue, green, brown and black. Boys are
faster, stronger, better at and more interested
in sports, and they like tools
and cars. Girls, on the other hand, like
to play with dolls, dance, clean, cook and
sew, and care more about their looks.
I found myself reminiscing about
television shows from the fifties like
Donna Reed, Father Knows Best, and Leave
It To Beaver—and this the cusp of the
year 2000! Though there were no overt
challenges to individual items, as the
lists lengthened the group became increasingly
polarized, and the tension
was palpable. They began pushing one
another’s lunch materials into small,
identifiable “territories” separating the
boys’ camp from the girls’ camp.
“OK, stop,” I said. “Let’s forget about
the list for a minute. What’s happening
in this room at this table?”

Winter 2001 23
the unspoken “don’t ask, don’t tell”
policy which shrouds with paralyzing
misinformation.
As we see with the third grade
deconstructionists (!), dealing with
LGBT issues in the elementary years can
mean simply broadening the range of
what’s allowable for boys and girls, and
correcting put-downs. With a fifth grade
group, it means including ‘gay people’
in the discussion of minorities and social
issues, and in addressing pejorative
language. These must continue into the
middle school/junior high years (typically
the most difficult for LGBT students
due to heightened social consciousness),
and must include age
appropriate accurate information about
growing up as a gay person. In the high
school years, LGBT students need age
appropriate social opportunities with
LGBT peers and non-LGBT allies.
At the dawn of the new millennium
it seems appropriate that we are challenged
to reexamine and reaffirm our
core values, and to find ways to establish
them anew in ourselves, families, communities,
and institutions, including the
church. We are challenged to find the
courage, creativity, patience and humor
required for this process. We are humbled
by the legitimate reality that we are all
in different places in this forward momentum.
It is good to revisit the intent
of our founding mothers and fathers,
and to celebrate their wisdom in providing
protections for our growth.
Well, time for a cup of coffee…in my
pink cup. Such a rebel.
Chip James, CSW, CASAC, is with the
Clarkstown Central School District of New
York state, and part of CANDLE: Community
Awareness Network for a Drug-free Life
& Environment, which provides many K-
12 programs, including a group for LGBT
and questioning youth.
Nearly eleven years ago, my partner and I adopted our daughter. We were
clear in our minds about how we would deal with the fact that our family
was different. We planned to be honest about our lesbian relationship and
believed that she would grow up secure in the knowledge that she had two moms
who loved her and each other.
Our church, a United Methodist Reconciling Congregation, provided support,
reinforcing the belief that we are loved by God, as well as by people both gay and
straight in our church family. In spite of the strength of our convictions and the
support of our church, I admit that we both held some internalized homophobia,
and had some fears about the potential outcome of our decisions. There were not
many families at that time which had children who had spent their entire lives in
lesbian families.
Like all parents, we had the unrealistic hope that our child would never face
discrimination or hardship. I heard the messages that my child would be damaged
by not having a father or by being raised by lesbians. I feared the possible damage to
her developing psyche by the heterosexist and homophobic society she would have
to face.
When our daughter was about three years of age, there was a transgender person
who regularly attended our church. She worked in a blue-collar job, and would
come to church dressed as a man if she was going to work. If she had Sunday off, she
would dress as a woman. Our daughter believed her to be two different people.
My uncertainty about addressing our own family issues led me to believe that I
should not point out the fact that both the male and female presentations were
manifestations of the same person. It seemed complicated enough that we were a
family with two female parents, and it was incredibly complicated to imagine introducing
the concept that gender could be anything other than dichotomous and
clearly defined.
As we have all grown through the process of being the family which we are, it has
occurred to me that my daughter has a better understanding of sexual orientation
and gender identity than I do. At age 11, she has an intense interest in understanding
relationships and identity issues. She does not have to categorize people in relation
to scientific definitions. She has not thought about the question of biological determination
or social construction of identity. She is able, through her experience, to
see people for who they are and by how they present themselves. She has learned
through her relationships with individuals that people can feel they are not the same
gender that they were assigned at birth. She knows that it is possible for people to
love someone of the same or other gender. She knows that masculinity and femininity
are constructs which people of any gender have in varying degrees.
Oppression often takes the form of silence. By not addressing issues of variety in
gender and sexual orientation, we maintain the heterosexist and homophobic messages
which our society wants to maintain. Even in our gay and lesbian communities,
it is easy to continue to oppress and marginalize those who do not fit neatly into
our agenda to create families and fit in to mainstream society. What my daughter
has taught me is that I must accept all people as they are, to allow them to tell me
how they perceive themselves.
Transgender persons should expect the same of me which I expect of heterosexuals.
I want parents to tell their children that there are families in which two women
or two men love each other as a man and woman love each other. I should tell my
children that gender is not fixed and biologically determined. There are people who
were born female, who identify themselves as male and vice versa. There are also
males who identify with a feminine role and vice versa. In my life, it is my daughter
who has taught me these lessons.
Learning From Our Daughter
Patricia A. Groves
24 Open Hands
It Begins as Children
From the time I was a small child, I
was baffled by the importance
people placed on someone being male
or female. I didn’t understand why my
parents treated me differently from my
brother or why adults would admonish
me or shame me for something that
would have been okay if I’d been a boy.
I hated the restrictions that came with
being a girl, and I worried a lot that I
wasn’t a good enough girl.
But I was clear I was a girl. I never
had the sense there was anything wrong
with my being a girl. What was wrong
was the restrictiveness and my difficulty
conforming to it.
For some children, however, what is
wrong is that they have the body they
have. For example, a child with a male
body may be as clear as I was about
being female. But every time she is true
to herself, asserts herself as the girl she
knows herself to be, the world comes
crashing down on her. In most families
and communities, she’s not allowed to
play with the other girls, not allowed
to dress like the other girls. What’s even
worse, when she reaches puberty, instead
of growing breasts and starting to
menstruate, which would seem normal
and natural, she gets big, muscular, and
hairy in all the wrong places. And it’s
perfectly obvious that no-one understands
the pain she’s in.
Similarly, some children with female
bodies are clear they are male, find
adults’ wish to dress them in frills and
ribbons abhorrent, and only want to be
with the other guys. They may, as young
children, assume they just haven’t
grown their penis yet, but eventually
discover, to their horror, the development
instead of breasts and soft curves
and monthly periods.
Transexualism and
Gender Identity Disorder
The technical term for both the maleto-
female and the female-to-male
child is transexual, the current medical
diagnosis, gender identity disorder. Like
homosexuality, transexualism shows up
at a very young age and occurs among
people in every walk of life, socioeconomic
position, race/ethnicity, and religion.
And we know very little about
its etiology.
Societies differ in their response to
transexuals. In the United States, transexuals
and other people who don’t
conform to gender stereotypes are
shamed, forced to conform, ostracized,
and often beaten, raped, or killed. However,
in some societies, such as in Native
North America, transexuals were
considered to bring special gifts to the
community, and they were revered or
given a privileged position. In the Netherlands,
transexual children are treated
with compassion and given hormones
so they don’t have to go through the
wrong puberty.
A big stumbling block in the United
States is our tendency to lump together
gender identity and sexual orientation,
which are really two distinct phenomena.
• Gender identity is who we know
ourselves to be as male, female or
other. For most people, gender identity
is aligned with physical sex, but
in the case of transexuals, is not.
• Sexual orientation has to do with
whom we’re attracted to. Most
people are attracted to people of the
other sex, many are not.
Gender identity and sexual orientation
are confused as early as the kindergarten
playground. Many children
are harassed as gay, not for anything
sexual, but because of how they’re being
a girl or boy. When boys don’t conform
to what society says is okay for
their gender, they’re called “gay,”
“sissy” or “girl”; girls are called “tomboy”
and “dyke.” They may or may not
figure out later that they’re gay or lesbian,
but internally, their gender identity
(male or female) matches the body
they have.
When the same names are hurled at
a transexual child, however, their profound
confusion has a different source.
For example, a child with a male body
has the experience of being a girl, has
probably said so and wasn’t believed,
and now is being called a girl as an insult.
My friend Bren told me that
throughout his childhood, he prayed
every night, “Please, God, let me wake
up a girl.” Every morning, he would
check to see if his prayer had been answered
and, when he saw it hadn’t, was
deeply disappointed.
In addition to transexuals, there are
intersexed people, whose chromosomes
or genitals at birth leave room for doubt
about their gender. In such cases, doctors
frequently encourage parents to
approve surgery in order to “correct”
the ambiguity and then to raise the
child in whichever gender was assigned.
Many intersexed adults are now complaining
about not having been consulted
and say they would have preferred
to have been left as they were
born.
The list goes on. Many other people
also feel out of sync with society’s rigid
gender requirements. People may be
satisfied with the body they were born
with, but behave in ways that other
people see as different. People may
cross-dress, or dress “ambiguously.”
Ironically, even children who fit the
stereotypes are in gender trouble! I
know a mother who is upset that her
four year old daughter loves pink and
always wants to wear frilly dresses.
“That’s not the way I raised her,” she
tells me, and then explains her philosophy
of gender neutral parenting.
Making the World Safe
for Gender Diversity
I’m writing about gender diversity in
Open Hands to make a request. The
Ed. Note: An individual is typically referred to as a transgender person; collectively
transgenders are the transgendered community. Sometimes transgendered is used singly;
sometimes transgender is the preferred self-designation over either male or female.
Welcoming
Transgender Children
Ann Thompson Cook
Winter 2001 25
world is not safe for gender non-conforming
people, and I think we, the
Welcoming movement, are the people
who can change that.
Think about it. We’ve already created
a sea change with regard to sexual
orientation! Fifteen years ago, few
people outside the gay community
questioned the prevailing view that
homosexuality was abnormal, immoral,
a sinful choice. Yes, there’s still a lot of
work to do, but consider that 15 years
ago, few of us predicted that large corporations
would, by the year 2000, pull
support from the Boy Scouts because
of their intractable stance on homosexuality.
Consider that 15 years ago,
few of us could imagine that a state
would provide for same-sex unions in
our lifetime. We in the Welcoming
movement had stepped forward as a
religious community and challenged
assumptions about what is moral. In
doing so, we’ve altered the future for
our children and youth.
The world we are creating as a Welcoming
movement is a world that values
God’s creation, a world that stands
for all people being free to be fully
themselves. It’s time to extend that valuing
beyond sexuality to gender, to extend
our acceptance and unconditional
love to people on the whole continuum
of gender diversity.
Some would say we’ve done that.
We’ve added “T” to “GLB.” Doesn’t that
prove we’re accepting? Not in itself. As
an emerging Welcoming movement,
we knew from the beginning it wasn’t
enough for our churches to say we wel-
A Prayer for Coming Out as Transgender
Creator God, I am learning things all the time. It is a gift to be young and
to get to know you and your world, your beautiful creation. I am also
getting to know myself, and I’m discovering that sometimes I feel as if I am the other
gender. Sometimes I feel scared about these feelings. Sometimes I feel wonderful
about them. I know that I am your creation, and you have given me a wonderful gift in
my gender identity. I pray for your supportive presence as I become more comfortable
with my feelings. I pray for your guidance, that I may know when it is the right time for
me to let other people know about this part of me. I pray for your supportive presence
if I should be rejected, knowing that you, God who created me, will not reject me, that
you will affirm me as part of your beautiful creation. In you I trust. Amen.
From Coming Out Young and Faithful by Timothy J. Brown and Leanne McCall
Tigert (Pilgrim Press, Spring 2001, used by permission).
comed everyone. We knew it wasn’t
even enough to say we welcomed gay
and lesbian people. Something fundamental
had to be altered in our relationships,
our language, our assumptions,
and our way of being with each other.
When I first began confronting my
own homophobia, I saw that I had absorbed
all kinds of negativity about GLB
people. Like the culture I had grown up
in, I identified homosexuality with aberrant
sex. To become an ally required
acknowledging that in myself. To become
an ally required me to become
open to people’s experience and to listen
and listen, and then listen some
more. Lesbian, gay and bi folks were
unbelievably generous in sharing their
lives so I could “get it,” and we all
struggled together to create a new way
of being church with each other.
To truly stand with transpeople will
require all of us, both GLB and straight,
to undertake a similar process of listening.
GLB Solidarity with T
Many GLB and transgender people,
of course, have strikingly parallel
experiences: being taunted, scorned and
often bullied for being different; feeling
isolated and alone; carrying what
feels like a terrible secret; monitoring
one’s own behavior at a microscopic
level so as not to reveal the secret; struggling
with shame, low self-esteem, drug
abuse, suicide; and having little access
to people who seem like oneself. And
some percentage of LGB people are gender
non-conforming by nature or by
politics. I’ve heard repeatedly, however,
a huge sense of uneasiness from both
gay as well as straight people, a visceral,
negative reaction to the idea of someone
disowning their own body.
We’ve advocated for people to be
free to follow their call to the ministry.
We’ve stood up for people to be free to
love whom they love. What would it
take for us to stand up, unquestioningly,
for the boy-born child to be free to wear
a dress and wear nail polish and lipstick?
What would it take for us to support a
genetic girl to be free to use a boy’s
name and frequent the boy’s bathroom,
where he believes he belongs? What
would it take for us to really “get” that
gender diversity is part of normal human
experience?
My request is that we do the homework
with the transgendered community,
extend to transgenders the love
and deep listening we’ve been doing
within the gay and straight communities,
listen to children and adults with
gender identity issues and consider
what is required of us as a faith community
to celebrate them as children
of God. It’s time.
Ann Thompson Cook, longtime leader
and ally in the Reconciling
Congregation Program
within the United
Methodist Church, is
currently developing a
book based on correspondence
with a transwoman
in transition.
Resources
Open Hands, Fall 1996, Theme: Transgender
Realities. Available only in church libraries
and, if needed, by xeroxed copy from the
RCP office (see masthead for contact information).
True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism,
Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley
(Jossey-Bass Publishers, 1996).
Trans-sister Radio, a novel, Chris Bohjalian
(Harmony Books, NY, 2000).
Ma Vie en Rose, French language film (with
English subtitles), 88 minutes (1997).
www.ifge.org International Federation for
Gender Education
www.isna.org Intersex Society of North
America
Excerpted from Coming Out Young and Faithful, edited by
Leanne McCall Tigert and Timothy J. Brown, to be released in the
Spring of 2001. Used by permission of The Pilgrim Press.
Matthew Seeds, Age 20, Philadelphia
United Church of Christ
It was a cold winter morning during 12th
grade and I was sitting in English class trying
to learn something amidst my raging hormones.
I rolled up the sleeves of my heavy
shirt as my eyes began to wander around the
room. I came to realize something this very
day that would change my life forever. My
eyes stopped when I came to two individuals
who were sitting together sharing a textbook. Although Lauren
looked attractive in her sweater and dress, there was something
about Jeremy that really caught my eye. Was it his bright
blue eyes or his broad shoulders that made me so attracted to
him, or was it the way he smiled, or his warm personality? I
was feeling something that was leading me into forbidden
territory. This was not the first time I had looked at other guys
and found them desirable, but this was the first time that I
began to understand and know that the feelings I had were
strong and needed to be addressed.
During my senior year of high school I began to stop denying
my sexual orientation and let go of “my secret” for the
very first time. At times I did not know what to do or who I
could talk to. I did not even know if I was gay—maybe I was
just confused. Maybe I just needed to experiment a little. Was
it that I lacked a significant relationship in my life, since
everyone else around me seemed to have a boyfriend or
girlfriend?
While interviewing my high school counselor for a story
on “troubled youth” the words slipped out of my mouth at
long last. My hands were shaking as I told her what was so
deep within my soul and it took everything for me to receive
her knowledge and guidance that day. I know God was with
me in the office and encouraging me to seek the truth through
understanding myself better. I told her I thought I might be
gay, but I think I already knew in my heart what the truth
really was.
The word “gay” was used as a weapon against me for years
and so I related it to something sinful and awful. In turn, I
needed to find a way out of the mess I was creating for myself.
Could I be changed? The counselor was the first person who
told me it was okay to have these feelings. It was “okay to be
gay.” How refreshing and reassuring those words were to hear.
One night in 1997 my mother asked me why I was not
doing well in school and why I seemed so distracted. I was so
frustrated by my parents’ inability to understand me, and I
thought it was about time to tell them what was on my mind.
I did not expect a warm welcome from my mother after I told
her I was gay, but I had to be honest and truthful no matter
what the consequences. After the words slipped out of my
mouth she ran upstairs and told my father, who was sleeping,
that her son was gay. The bomb had hit. Over the next few
days every picture of me came off the wall and I was called
every name in the book. I was told that what I said couldn’t be
true. I didn’t walk like a girl, have earrings, or talk feminine.
Being gay was all about wild sex and partying. My parents’
reaction was probably to be expected but it proved to me that
love can be very conditional. Things eventually quieted down
and we went back to pretending that I was straight.
I know my parents love me and that one day they will understand
what I have been feeling all these years. Life is fragile
and short and I need to do what makes me happy, and they
will see in time that loving another human being is not all
bad. There may even be grandchildren! I hope God can help
them know that their son is always the same as he always was.
A loving, compassionate, and truthful individual who desires
the same from others.
It is very difficult to form intimate relationships when parents
disapprove. The sneaking around, the quiet conversations,
and the feelings of guilt do not help to build healthy relationships.
The only connection I had to the gay community at the
time that I graduated from high school was on the internet. I
found people I could talk to and relate to in a safe environment
without giving away any personal information. It was
wonderful to be talking and sharing with others who were
feeling like I was.
I believed that there was no way that the church could be a
source of support, but what I thought was wrong. I now know
that God has been following me on this journey since day
one. My home church is friendly but not welcoming. I believe
that if most people knew the real me I would not have
the same relationship with the church. I was able to talk about
my sexuality with my church pastor and the difficulties I was
having with college while home on spring break in 1998. Never
in my life did I think that I would hear loving and compassionate
words about being gay coming from my church pastor.
In my journey, I view this as a crossroads because the
church and my inner being became reconnected at this point.
I knew I was a child of God no matter whom I loved and that
left me feeling content.
Being gay has recently affected my home church involvement
due to my feelings of becoming more comfortable with
who I am. I feel like I am hiding something at times and would
like to open up, but it is very difficult depending on the leadership
in the church at the time. The pastor whom I felt so
comfortable with is now gone and replaced with someone I
cannot relate to. Even pastors who are comfortable with gay
issues face extreme opposition from their congregations.
My image of God used to be rooted in fear and condemnation,
but now it is one of salvation, understanding, blessings,
and love. Our churches need resources, guidance, and stability
to serve those in need. Change and the end of homophobia
will only happen through education and positive examples.
My spiritual journey and faith in God has been strengthened
through all of my struggles. I feel the joy and love of
26 Open Hands
Coming Out Young
A Prayer for Coming Out as
Lesbian, Gay, or Bisexual
Creator God, I am learning things all the time. It is a gift to be
young and to get to know you and your world, your beautiful
creation. I am also getting to know myself, and I’m discovering
that sometimes I am attracted to members of my gender—
other girls (or boys). Sometimes the things I feel are strong
and deep. Sometimes it even feels like love. Sometimes I feel
scared about these feelings. Sometimes I feel wonderful about
them. I know that I am your creation, and you have given me
a wonderful gift in my orientation. I pray for your supporting
presence as I become more comfortable with my feelings. I
pray for your guidance, that I may know when it is the right
time for me to let other people know about this part of me. I
pray for your supporting presence if I should be rejected, knowing
that you, God who created me, will not reject me, that
you will affirm me as part of your beautiful creation. In you I
trust. Amen.
From Coming Out Young and Faithful by Leanne McCall Tigert and
Timothy J. Brown (Pilgrim Press, Spring 2001, used by permission).
God in the person who I am today. I plan to be a teacher one
day and want to help others understand that it is okay to be
the person that God intended, no matter what others say. I
am “just me” and that is all I can say. There is no mold into
which I need to fit. God has blessed me with a gift, the ability
to love another man in a way I never thought possible. Thanks
be to God for the power of love and its ability to change lives.
Amy Huff, Age 19, Portland, Maine
Church of the Nazarene
Unitarian Universalist Association
My name is Amy, sometimes I go by
Dylan. I’m 19, I live in Maine and I’m a
lesbian and I also identify as transgender.
I was baptized at my family church, the
Church of the Nazarene.
When I hit the age of thirteen I started
thinking there was something wrong with
me because I really lost interest in the boy
next door, but man, was his sister something! At the same
time, I rediscovered my faith and started attending church
with my papa and grandpa. They’d pile all four of us kids into
the van and we’d take a 10-minute ride down the road to a
“Little Church in the Woods.”
The pastor and his wife were good friends of my pa’s. I
went through the normal routine of Sunday School, sermons,
picnics, pot lucks and watching the babies. He’d be talking
about how we would be saved if we put our love and trust in
Jesus. I tried so hard to pay attention, but I had so much running
through my head. I thought about talking to my pastor
because I trusted him and it really started to get to me, but I
didn’t. I think the reason for that was, I just didn’t feel like
being criticized and going through a replay of The Exorcist.
I stopped going to church again when my papa passed away
because I was angry at God, and then I started thinking that
this was God’s way of punishing me for being gay. With my
faith in question and my sexuality following closely behind, I
went on with life as usual and retreated more into my own
little world. I figured that church couldn’t help me—so nothing
or nobody can. I met my boyfriend Shawn three years
later. He came from a fairly religious family. His family got
me going back to church and this time it was really interesting.
The pastor from this church was a big Bible-preaching man.
He came up from down South and he really showed it. I went
just about every Sunday and sat next to Shawn and held his
hand, pretending to be happy. His dad talked to the pastor
about this, me and Shawn holding each other’s hands. So one
day the pastor pulled us into his office and talked about it. He
kept saying that we should wait till we were out of church and
stuff. He then went on talking to me about my home life. He
kept saying, “I know things aren’t all that great and if there’s
anything you want to talk about, you can talk to me anytime.”
I started getting really paranoid. “Oh no. I think he
knows I’m in so much trouble,” I kept repeating in my head.
He finally let us go and life went on as usual. All that week
I kept thinking, “Oh no, he knows—I’m caught and I’m in big
trouble.” The next Sunday service, it was really funny how he
worked the whole gay discussion into his sermon. They’re
disgraces and are going to hell, I heard. That really got me not
wanting to be there or go back. I stuck it out for a couple more
weeks and finally broke down. I first told Shawn about my
sexuality, who was pretty okay with it.
“Well, that would explain a lot,” he said. I told him that I
was going to go to church anymore and we’d be better off as
friends. I jumped back into my hole.
When I was 16, I met Beth. We were together for a couple
of weeks and within those weeks she got me going to church
again. This time it was a Unitarian church. The reverend was a
woman, and the whole congregation was really open-minded.
I talked to the pastor a few times and I brought up my being
gay. She was totally okay with it. She helped me realize that
being gay and loving God were totally cool. I finally had found
some acceptance within a faith group and also within myself.
Ryan Derek Gonzalez, Age 17, California
United Methodist
The coming out process for many gay and
lesbian people is usually agonizing and
painful. I like to compare it to vomiting:
you know that it’s coming; you dread it
to no end; you try to postpone it for as
long as possible; but eventually you just
can’t hold it in any longer and you puke.
Once it’s out of your system though, you feel one hundred
percent better. This is the exact same way I felt towards coming
out to my family. In retrospect, coming out to my family
was probably one of the best things that ever happened to
me. Coming out was like a rebirth of my soul. I know this
sounds cheesy, but it’s the truth. After I came out, I was free to
be exactly the person God had created me to be.
When I started sexually experimenting with my male best
friend at the age of fourteen, the thought that I was participating
in an “abominable sin” never once entered my mind. In
27 Open Hands
fact, up until I was about fifteen, I didn’t even know that
being gay was thought of as a “crime against God.” I did, however,
feel some guilt within me after I would experiment with
my friend. The guilt I felt was caused by the thought that I
had become a “faggot.” Eventually I overcame that guilt because
it just felt right to be with another boy.
A year later, I met the boy that I would spend the next ten
months in a relationship with. At this point we were both
about fifteen and in the closet. Two weeks into our relationship
I decided to come out to my family. It was a few days
before Thanksgiving and I was busy preparing the individual
letters that I would give to my parents and siblings explaining
to them how much I loved them and how I was gay. My plan
was to give them the letters the day after Thanksgiving so that
I wouldn’t ruin the holiday. Somehow my plan blew up in my
face and I ended up telling them Thanksgiving night. It was
definitely the most emotional Thanksgiving I’ve ever had, but
it was also quite successful.
The role of homosexuality in religion was never really discussed
with me during the next few months. It wasn’t until
my boyfriend came out to his family that I realized how much
Christians despised homosexuality. It was a huge shock to me
to see how my boyfriend’s mother tried relentlessly to make
her son straight. I couldn’t understand nor believe that Christians
felt justified in hating homosexuality.
I painfully watched my boyfriend suffer from his mother’s
constant pressure to be “normal.” I felt so guilty that I had
never been put through that kind of trauma. It seemed like
there was absolutely nothing I could do for him except to tell
him that it would all work out someday. I contacted the local
PFLAG president and she invited my family and me to one of
their monthly meetings. She also recommended that I contact
the minister of the gay welcoming, Wesley United Methodist
Church. My mother and I met with this minister shortly
after that. The minister, Jan Everhart, explained to me that
the Bible can be interpreted in many ways and that you can
be gay and Christian at the same time.
My meeting with Jan made me re-evaluate my theories on
religion and God. I decided to attend a service at Wesley with
my mom. I expected to feel incredibly uncomfortable and
out of place. Instead, the people there made me feel right at
home. I sat down and listened intently to Jan’s sermon. I remember
towards the end of her sermon she said, “And we are
all God’s children—and he loves each and every one of us.” At
that point I felt something within me that I had never felt
before. It was such a beautiful feeling, but it hit me like a ton
of bricks. I realized at that miraculous moment that there was
indeed a God, and that he loved me very much. At this realization
I began to cry uncontrollably.
After getting in touch with my spirituality, I’ve realized that
no one can interfere with or judge my relationship with God.
I also know now that God has been and always will be in my
heart. I am thankful to have come to these realizations at such
an early age. I wish that more of my gay peers could have
these beautiful, life-saving realizations. I trust that God is Love
and that he will always be there for anyone who opens their
heart to him.
Bill of Rights
for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender,
and Questioning Youth and Young Adults
in the Church
I.
The right to fair and accurate information about sexual orientation
and gender identity in church school materials,
youth group materials, church publications, and textbooks.
II.
The right to unbiased information about the historical and
continuing contributions of lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender
people in the church, in Christianity, and in other religions.
III.
The right to positive role models, both clergy and laity, both in
person and in the curriculum; the right to accurate and nonjudgmental
information about themselves which is delivered by
training people who both inform and affirm lesbian, gay, bisexual,
transgender, and questioning youth and young adults.
IV.
The right to attend all churches and events free from verbal
and physical harassment, where religious practice,
not survival, is the priority.
V.
The right to attend churches where respect and dignity for all youth
and young adults, including lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
and questioning youth and young adults, is a standard set by the
denomination, supported by respective national and regional
youth and young adult ministries groups, and enforced by every
national and regional staff, lay worker, and clergy member.
VI.
The right to be included in all support programs that exist to help
youth and young adults deal with the difficulties of adolescence.
VII.
The right to be included in all social and other support programs
specifically for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender,
and questioning youth and young adults.
VIII.
The right to representatives at all levels of the church who advocate
for their freedoms, rather than reinforce hatred and prejudice.
IX.
The right to a heritage free of crippling self-hate
and unchallenged discrimination.
X.
The right to the sustaining and nurturing love of God.
From Coming Out Young and Faithful by Timothy Brown and
Leanne Tigert (Pilgrim Press, Spring 2001, Used by permission).
Special thanks to Dr. Virginia Uribe and Project 10 of the Los
Angeles City School District.
Winter 2001 28
Winter 2001 29
From: RevChipVA
To: Pat “Q”
Sub: Its OK! You’ll survive and probably have fun!
Hello Pat “Q”—Thanks for your e-mail and your MANY questions. Glad you were
referred in my direction. Not sure I can answer them all, but want to let you know
you’re asking ALL the right questions—of me and of yourself. And, you are asking all
the same questions that other young persons who are discovering their sexual orientation
ask too! How can you really know if you’re gay? When and how to come out to
friends and family? How do you find the right person? Even—can you still be a
Christian if you are queer? You are on-target and I’ll try to give you some clues and
direction. I may not get it all into this email—but I’m sure you’ll have more questions,
too.
I couldn’t tell from your email whether you are in junior high, senior high or
college—but that doesn’t really matter. People begin understanding themselves as
gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender at different points in their lives. Sexual orientation
and gender identification are not choices—but gifts from God that we discover
and learn about all through our lives. Some of us grow up knowing we are “different”
from the heterosexual majority early in life—others seem to be late bloomers.
For about 8 years I was a volunteer facilitator at a youth group in Washington, DC
for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and questioning (lgbt?) youth. “Questioning”
refers to those who might not be ready to name their sexual orientation—but knew
something was going on that they wanted to explore.
On a typical Saturday we would have between 20 and 40 young people, between 14
and 21, drop in for organized discussions, guest speakers, special social activities, and
support groups. With so much information out on the internet, in the media and in the
schools about being gay or lesbian—I met lots of youth who were beginning to claim
and name their sexual self-understanding as teenagers. We even had a couple kids who
came into the group when they were 12 or 13 years old. And they were very clear
about being attracted to youth of their own gender—even though they had never
dated or had any physical relationship, yet. That’s one of those strange things about
knowing “if you are or if you aren’t.” You know. And until you are clear and comfortable
with what you know—don’t feel forced to label yourself or do anything you are
NOT comfortable with doing. OK?
Hey, before I go I want to give you a resource to check out. If you can go to
www.gaylesteens.about.com on your computer—there is a whole section on YOUTH and
lots of links to great websites. Some are created by other q-kidz to tell about themselves
and friends. Fun stuff. And you’ll get to read about other youth asking some of
the same questions that I hear you asking. TTL —Chip
E-Mails to a Young “Q”
Assurance and Information for a Questioning Youth
Chip Aldridge, Jr.
30 Open Hands
From: RevChipVA
To: Pat “Q”
Sub: Finding a Queer Youth Group
Well P-Q! You have been checking out the links for youth from
PlanetOut. Thanks for pointing me toward the section on Youth
Guardian Services (YGS at www.youth-guard.org). It’s great to
know that there are adults who are helping try to make the
internet safe for young lgbt persons. Sort of a “Queer—Safe Surf
of Approval”! <grin>
So you think you might want to visit a youth group. The one in
Washington, DC is called SMYAL (for Sexual Minority Youth
Assistance League—that’s a mouthful). I think there are more
than 200 of these groups across the country. Most are located in
good-size cities or towns—and are usually privately run by
professionals with the help of volunteers from the lgbt community.
Of course you’ll find these Q-Youth groups in big cities like
New York, Miami, DC, Atlanta, Denver, Chicago, LA and San
Francisco—but, there are also groups in lots of places like:
Nashua, NH; Tulsa, OK; Charlottesville, VA; Schofield, WI; Birmingham,
AL; Indianapolis, IN; and Albuquerque, NM.
After your last email, I was looking at current magazines and
spotted a resource put out by XY (a guy-oriented q-youth publication)
called “The XY Survival Guide—Everything you need to know
about being young and Gay” by Benjie Nycum. Like I said, it is
guy-oriented, and some of the writing is pretty blunt (I haven’t
Youth Sites on the Internet
All begin http://www.
advocatesforyouth.org For developing
programs and policies which help young
people make informed and responsible
decisions about their sexual health.
doe.mass.edu/lss/gsa/ MA guide for
setting up gay/straight groups in
schools.
gaylesteens.about.com Hosted by a youth
services librarian in NYC, links to
personal homepages of glbtq teens.
glsen.org Gay, Lesbian and Straight
Education Network.
nyacyouth.org National Youth Advocacy
Coalition advocates for LGBT youth.
oasismag.com Oasis monthly online LGBT
youth magazine.
outproud.org OutProud, The National
Coalition for GLBT Youth.
<about_outproud.html> Wide range of
resources available for youth and
educators
pflag.org Homepage of Parents and
Friends of Lesbians and Gays with links
to local chapters.
queeramerica.com Database published by
OutProud.
safespaces.org Information in both
English and French on youth groups in
Canada.
youthresource.com LGBT Youth Resource,
library, peer chats, and resources.
spotted a similar publication that is girl-oriented, yet), but it has
lots of great information—like contact phone numbers and email
addresses for youth groups all across the country.
Keep in mind—EVERY group is different and will have a
different style of helping youth. But, the main thing to look for is
a SAFE place to be who you are—and to meet other young people
who are like you!
If you are in a rare but not unheard of situation, the high
school you attend may have a “gay/lesbian and straight alliance”
club. One resource on starting a school group is GLSEN (Gay,
Lesbian and Straight Education Network and Student Pride,
www.studentprideusa.org). And, I did want to let you know that it
is now really common for colleges and universities to have lgbt
groups that offer support and social activities. Sometimes there is
even a staff person in charge of lgbt activities on campus. So,
depending on how comfortable you are with being “out” on your
college campus, that’s one of the things you might look for if you
are checking out particular schools.
Speaking of being “out of the closet” about being lgbt—I want
to remind you that it is OK to take your time, don’t feel pushed to
publicly identify yourself before you are ready. There is still lots of
risk associated with being a young person who is queer—and I
don’t want you to be one of those front page stories about “fagbashing”
or “dyke-killing” that prove the need for lots more
education and protection for folks like us. Got to run. More later,
Rev. C.
Shaping An Inclusive Church
Quarterly magazine of
Welcoming congregations
in the U.S. and Canada
Annual subscriptions $20
($25 outside U.S.)
Mail to
Open Hands
3801 N. Keeler Ave.
Chicago, IL 60641
Phone 773/736-5526
Fax 773/736-5475
www.rcp.org/openhands/
index.html
Winter 2001 31
Sample homepages of the 200+ youth groups across North America:
cafepride.com Café Pride is Chicago’s coffeehouse for GLBT youths 21 and younger. “We are a youth
outreach of Pride Ministries.”
lyric.org Community Center for LGBTQ Youth 23 & Under in San Francisco, CA (415/703.6150).
projectyes.org Project YES is an educational organization whose goal is to ensure the healthy
development of GLBT youth (Project YES, 5275 Sunset Drive, Miami, Florida 33143. 305/663-7195,
E-mail: communicate@projectyes.org).
smyal.org Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League provides support groups and resources for lgbtq
youth (SMYAL, 410 7th Street, SE Washington, DC. Phone: 202/546-5940).
smyrc.org Drop-in center for LGBTQ youth and their allies, 21 and under in the Portland, OR area
(424 East Burnside 503/872-9664).
timeoutyouth.com To give support to LGBTQ youth, 13-23, in Charlotte area (1900 The Plaza
Charlotte, NC, 704/344-8335).
From: RevChipVA
To: Pat “Q”
Sub: Love at first sight?
Well friend Pat! So you have found someone. Does that person know you’ve found them? Not
stalking are you! <grin> Oh, I know I’ve had “crushes” before and the guy never knew it—but I
bet I put off some signals I didn’t even know about!
Here is one clue and a caution. Remember that when you are attracted to someone your heart,
head, gut and instincts get all messed up—so that it is very easy to imagine the other person is
sending you non-verbal or verbal “messages” that lead you to think that person is equally
attracted to you. Be careful! Proceed with caution. Time!
When I led group discussions at SMYAL—there were some groups that were separated by
gender. I would facilitate a free-flowing discussion among the MGG (Male Gender Group)—and
often the topic was dating, romance, broken hearts and new love. Sigh. Sometimes we return on
a Saturday to find that a half-dozen new romances had bloomed and died on the vine in the
previous week.
But the thing I learned in listening to the young guys was the clarity with which many of
them could name what type of relationship they were looking for—and also what they WERE NOT
looking for. The guys sometimes talked about different kinds of “dates”: Friend-Dates, Hanging
Out-Dates, Dancing-Dates, Romance-Dates, Serious-Dates, Sex-Dates, etc. (I don’t remember all
the categories).
A 14- or 15-year-old who was just coming out as a queer teen was looking for a very different
kind of friendship and depth of interaction than an 19- or 20-year-old who had been out for
three or four years. And even if you are the same chronological age—how long you have been
self-identifying as lgbt weighs heavily on what you need and want in your dating or friendships
with other queer youth.
I don’t know what all was discussed in the FGG (Female Gender Group). The women adult
volunteers facilitated those groups. There was one day when it got REALLY loud in the room in
which the FGG was meeting. Roaring loud. And, the only word that clearly came through the wall
was “PENIS!”—then great laughter. The guys in my group could sort of guess what was going on
in there. No one said being queer couldn’t be fun.
And PQ—I was just thinking. If you want a good way to test yourself in this new found
romance with someone of the same gender—treat it with all the same rules and measures that
you previously did when you dated persons of another sex. You’ve already grown to understand
what is comfortable and correct for you when dating. Don’t throw all that out the window just
because you’re queer. Use all that experience to make sure you are asking the right questions,
understanding your feelings and treating that person with the same respect and caring that you
would if your were in those previous “boy-girl” situations. Am I giving you too much advice?
Well, you keep asking me more questions like you are hungry for answers. Late night, early
tomorrow —Chip
32 Open Hands
From: RevChipVA
To: Pat “Q”
Sub: God loves us queer folk, too!
Way to go Pat! You visited a youth group and had a great time! I’m proud of you. And you
actually ran into someone else from your school. Too much! It’s a small queer world.
Every youth groups run differently—so enjoy the special opportunities yours offers. At
SMYAL we encouraged the new youth participants to attend “Support One”—where a series of
discussion topics was covered in about an eight-week rotation. We talked about: coming out
(to family, to friends, at school); bisexuality and transgender issues (since these are less
familiar areas for most youth); drugs and alcohol (along with other health concerns); “the
blues,” depression and suicide; safer-sex, negotiating and communicating (yes is yes and no is
NO!); dating, romance and relationship; glbt culture and history—and other topics were added
(like self-defense and safety on the street) as we had guest speakers available.
You might not know it yet, but some of the youth involved in your queer youth group may
be exploring issues of being transgender — and there are good resources available for them at
the homepage of the International Foundation for Gender Education (www.ifge.org) and
American Boyz (www.amboyz.org).
Because the staff at SMYAL knew I am involved in the United Methodist Church, they often
asked me to lead a regular discussion with the youth on religion and spirituality. When we hit
the topic of religion, almost without exception, every young person had some example of
where a church or church leader had been hurtful or really hateful about glbt persons. Often
the nasty church discussion or the vicious preaching went on without recognizing how it
personally touched someone in the pew—but, other times it was directed at the young
person—attacking their queerness in a painful way.
The message I tried to leave with the youth at SMYAL is that religion is yours to value.
Ignorant or bigoted church people, even if they are clergy, have no right to take away your
option to be faithful followers of your religion. The resources of scripture, spirituality, and
religion are the possession of glbt youth to claim—not to be given up simply because someone
attempts to use them against you. God loves us queer folk, too!
When you get to the point that you are ready to talk with you parents about your new
understanding of yourself, be VERY ready for their reaction—and prepare for the worst. Even
the best parents can find this a difficult issue to accept and understand. Give them some
credit for the fact that you’ve struggled with it for a long time—and they are usually being hit
cold with a pretty hefty new understanding of their child.
One clue about parental response to a child “coming out” is the understanding that parents
have to “grieve” a whole understanding of who they thought their child was—the life and
relationship they anticipated for you (marriage, in-laws, grandchildren). Some of those pieces
might still come to pass—but, it still won’t be the same scrapbook of memories they assumed.
I want to encourage you to seek some resources for your parents. There is a wonderful organization
called PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They have a homepage
(www.pflag.org), a national office, and regional chapters. They have some great advice about the
“do’s and don’ts” of coming out to your family. Contact information from PFLAG also helps a parent
understand that yours in NOT the first family to experience this new information.
Well, when you get around to that conversation—I will pray for you and your family that it
goes well. That’s all for now. Your friend in Christ —Rev. Chip ▼
William D. “Chip” Aldridge, Jr., is a clergy member of the Baltimore-Washington
Conference of the United Methodist Church. He is active at Dumbarton United
Methodist Church in the Georgetown neighborhood of Washington, D.C., and a
member of the board of the Reconciling Ministries Network, formerly known as the
Reconciling Congregation Program.
Reading suggestions for professionals
working with LGBT youth:
Lesbian & Gay Youth: Care and Counseling,
Caitlin Ryan & Donna Futterman (Columbia
Press, NY, 1998). Recommended by National
Education Association.
Queer Kids: The Challenges and Promise for
Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Youth, Robert
E. Owens (Harrington Park Press NY, 1998).