Open Hands Vol 3 No 2 - Sexual Violence: Unlocking the Secret

Open Hands Vol 3 No 2 - Sexual Violence: Unlocking the Secret

3

2

1987

Fall

'7
syour heart tme to my heart as mine is to yours? .. Ifit Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program •••••••••••••••• SEXUAL VIOLENCE: UNLOCKING THE SILENCE Lot's Daughters By Sheila Briggs Page 3 Men and Violence By Murrary Scher and Mark Stevens Page 6 Homophobic Violence: A GrowingEpidemic By Chip Aldridge Page 9 The Second Closet: Battered Lesbians By Donna J. Cecere Page 12
Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church.
The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community.
To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation.
I nformation about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program ~
P.O. Box 24213
Nashville, TN 37202
Reconciling Congregation Program
Coordinators
Mark Bowman Beth Richardson
Open Hands Co-Editors
M. Burrill Bradley Rymph
This Issue's Coordinators
Beth Carey David Jessup
Graphic Artist
Brenda Roth
Contributors to This Issue
Chip Aldridge Sheila Briggs
Donna J. Cecere Carole Elizabeth
Peggy Halsey Gerald Holbrook
Peggy Hutchison Murray Scher
Mark Stevens Marianne Winters
O pen Hands (fonnerly M.1nn. fM the JourMY) is published four times a year. Subsaiption is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the USA) Single copies are available for S4 each; quantities of 10or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain artides are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be se nt to:
Open Hands
P.O. Box 23636
Washington. DC 20026
Copyright 1987 by Affirmation:
United Methodists for Lesbian/Cay Concerns, Inc.
ISSN 0888-8833
Contents
Few subjects can be as uncomfortable as sexual violence. Our society avoids the topic, our churches avoid it, and we as individuals frequently do too. Sexuality itself is already threatening for many of us, and sexual violence represents its even-more-uncomfortable sordid side. Rape, spouse and child abuse, "fag bashing" -all are things "good Christians" don't do, and don't talk about either. Yet the human tragedy that surrounds sexual violence cries out for our concern. We are called to reach out lovingly to comfort those who have been violated-to hear their pains and feel their tears. We are also challenged to help heal those who perpetrate sexual violence, both by holding them accountable for their acts and by supporting them on the road toward wholeness. Part of understanding sexual violence is considering the roles our religious and cultural heritages have played in promoting it. In "Lot's Daughters" (p. 3), Sheila Briggs shows how Judeo-Christian tradition has supported the domination of husbands and fathers over their wives and children, including sexually. Murray Scher and Mark Stevens examine how society trains men to be abusive toward women, other men, and children in " Men and Violence" (p. 6). They also define steps men can take toward overcoming their violent behavior. If sexual violence in general is a squeamish topic, violence against lesbians and gay men can be particularly threatening to discuss. Chip Aldridge examines the upsurge in anti-gay/lesbian violence in "Homophobic Violence: A Growing Epidemic" (p. 9), while Marianne Winters probes the personal effects that such violence and the fear of it can have in "External and Internal Realities of Anti-Gay/Lesbian Violence" (p. 10). Spouse abuse is a major problem among lesbians and gay men, as it is among heterosexuals, as Donna J. Cecere reminds us as she speaks from her experience in "The Second Closet: Battered Lesbians" (p. 12). Sexual abuse is global. Different cultures give the tragedy different twists, but it seems to exist everywhere. Peggy Hutchison demonstrates this in "The Violated of Central America: Women of Power and Spirit" (p. 16). Lest we feel overwhelmed, M. Burrill helps us see how we can do our part in "Making Changes: The Church Response" (p. 18). RESOURCES (p. 20) lists books, organizations, and periodicals that may be useful as we strengthen our ministries on sexual violence. In SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT (p. 19), Gerald Holbrook and Carole Elizabeth offer " Reconciling People," a hymn they wrote while participating in the Reconciling Congregation convocation in Chicago last March. The RCP REPORT (p. 22) updates us on the actions of United Methodist annual conferences in 1987 on issues concerning lesbian/gay ministries.
NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Spirituality and Sexuality
2 Open Hands
InGenesis 19 we find the story of Lot's daughters. We do not know the names of these women. They were totally identified through their relationship to their father, Lot, and it was his right to use their sexuality which was described in the story.
Lot's daughters first appearednameless-during Lot's confrontation with the men of Sodom. The townsmen of Sodom demanded to "know" the two strangers who were guests in Lot's house. The intentions of the townsmen of Sodom were unclear. Perhaps, they wanted to interrogate the two strangers as possible spies of an external enemy. Possibly, they were demanding that the strangers submit to the rules of sexual hospitality. Through those rules the potentially dangerous presence of an outsider in a town was defused by sexual contact with a member-usually a young womanof the town. This custom persisted in the Arabian peninsula from very ancient to quite recent times. I
Whatever the designs of the men of Sodom were, Lot refused them their initial demand but decided to try and appease them. The biblical text reports Lot's offer to the men of Sodom. "Behold, I have two daughters who have not known man; let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please" (Gen.l9:8-RSV). In modern debates as to whether Genesis 19 has anything to do with homosexuality, Lot's willingness to submit his daughters to gang rape is usually overlooked. For conservative traditionalists who want to find biblical condemnation for sodomy in this passage, the lack of biblical condemnation for Lot's actions toward his daughters in the text does not seem to present a problem. Gay male interpreters, concerned with showing that Genesis 19 and later biblical references to it know nothing of a link between the sin of Sodom and homosexuality, often ignore the fact that the text assumes the right of a father's complete control and disposal of his daughter's sexuality.
Within the early Hebrew culture, the sexuality ofa daughter existed for the benefit of her father. One may, of course, argue that in the ancient Near East the obligations between host
Lot's
Bysbm~'f!ughters
Open Hands 3
and guest were considered sacred and Lot's offer was motivated by his duty to protect his guests. But this simply underlines that in the same context the well-being of daughters was not a sacred obligation offathers. Daughters and other female dependents were expendable.
T he same point is made in the very similar story in Judges 19. The setting is ancient Israel. A Levite and his concubine spent the night in a town in Gibeah. Some of the townsmen wanted to "abuse" him. His host made a similar offer to Lot's. "No, my brethren, do not act so wickedly; seeing that this man has come into my house, do not do this vile thing. Behold here is my virgin daughter and his concubine; let me bring them out to you now. Ravish them and do with them what seems good to you, but against this man do not do a vile thing" (Jud. 19:23f.-RSV). The gang rape of a daughter was not seen as an infamy but as an acceptable compromise. The men, however, rejected it. The Levite, therefore, seized his concubine and forced her outside; she is raped to death. In the further account of the punishment of Gibeah by their fellow Israelites, the crime seemed to be the violation of the relationship between host and guest and of the Levite's rights over his concubine rather than the torture and killing of the woman herself. As in the story of Lot's daughters, the daughter offered for rape and the raped concubine remain nameless throughout.
Lot's daughters reappear in a bizarre sequel to the story of the destruction of Sodom at the end of Genesis 19. The devastation had been so complete that it seemed the human race had become extinct in the whole region. Perhaps in the original form of the narrative human beings had vanished from the whole world as the result of some primordial disaster akin to Noah's flood. The plight ofLot's daughters was described in the words that the elder addressed to the younger: "Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth" (Gen. 19:31-RSV). According to the story, Lot's daughters tried to resolve this situation by making their father drunk and sleeping with him without his knowledge in order to become pregnant. Although the daughters took the initiative, one
4 Open Hands
should not be misled into thinking that the author considered them autonomous human beings capable of moral decision. The daughters remained nameless as they had in the earlier account of Genesis 19; they are referred to simply as the elder and the younger. Their actions were motivated by concern for Lot's lineage. He had no son; the sons-in-law whom he had chosen for his daughters had perished in Sodom. Although veiled, the underlying assumption here was the same as in the earlier part of the narrative when Lot offered his daughters for rape: the sexuality of a daughter existed for the benefit of her father. The description ofthe daughters' initiative served in fact to remove responsibility from Lot for what was considered morally dubious conduct.
G enesis 19 does seem to know something of an incest taboo. The portrayal of Lot being drunk and therefore unable to control his behavior was intended to exonerate Lot from being culpable of an act of incest. In contemporary studies of incestuous fathers this ancient motif is repeated. Presentday incestuous fathers also claim that they were unable to control their sexual behavior towards their daughters, sometimes that the influence of alcohol was to blame for the incest, and that their daughters in some way desired and provoked the incest.
Although we do not find any account of incest in the New Testament, we should not assume that incest or other forms of sexual abuse of women and children were unknown in the early Christian communities. Indeed, the social environment of early Christianity was sexually exploitative, and the first Christian churches struggled over the extent to which Christian sexual conduct should differ from that of the surrounding society. Yet the New Testament is silent over sexual intercourse which occurs within an established relationship of domination and subordination, in particular over the sexual exploitation of (female) slaves by (male) slave owners and of (female) children by (male) parents. The victims of such abuse in a patriarchal society are commonly female while the violators are overwhelmingly male.
In the rules for a Christian household, which occur in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3, children are required to obey their parents and slaves their masters alongside the demand that wives obey their husbands. No limits are set to this obedience. Certainly, the Christian church did not want to encourage incest, but its unwillingness to challenge the power relations between parents and children, between fathers and daughters in the patriarchal household, led the church to tolerate it. Where Christianity has been dominant, incest has been regarded as a sin and condemned in the legal code as a crime. Yet fathers have committed it with a large degree ofimpunity. There is a historical parallel between incest and infanticide. Fathers throughout much of Christian history have exposed infants or otherwise withdrawn life-sustaining care with practical immunity from punishment while unmarried mothers who did the same but not upon the authority of a husband were put to
death.
Christianity has undoubtedly favored loving fathers over tyrannical ones. Yet this preference has been qualitatively no different from the manner in which Christianity, where slavery existed, advocated kind rather than cruel masters. The Christian ethic of care in the relationship of children and parents has been undermined by an ethic of SUbjection. This situation has survived into the present. Women have increasingly emancipated themselves from the authority of husbands, yet the area of children's rights has remained nebulous. Children have no legal recourse against inappropriate forms of discipline and affection when these have not escalated into personal injury and overt sexual activity. Even when physical or sexual abuse has occurred, the economic and emotional dependence of children on parents presents often insurmountable obstacles to children seeking the protection they are due under the law.
Much literature on the prevention of incest has targeted mothers. Mothers are indeed far less likely than fathers to be incest perpetrators. However, the families in which incest most often takes place conform highly to the traditional patriarchal model of a dominant father with a submissive mother. Mothers are frequently unable or unwilling to protect their children.
Indeed, incest families often reproduce themselves. Since the vast majority of perpetrators are fathers and most victims are daughters, boys and girls learn that females are to be abused and dominated and males are to abuse and dominate. This learning is buttressed by their experience of how society at large still frequently idealizes the traditional patriarchal family which provided the dynamics for their family's incest.
Christian churches are obviously among the chief purveyors of this ideology. Even in liberal congregations where the biblical injunctions of wives to obey their husbands and children their parents are glossed over or revised in the light ofcontemporary needs, the devastating effects of this Christian tradition on present women and children is ignored. How often have we heard (or given) a sermon which holds Christian teachings accountable for creating an atmosphere in which incest can flourish? How much of the church's pastoral care is geared to the reality that incest is occurring in the congregation? Does Christian ministry take into account the needs and experience of adult survivors of incest? For instance, the image of God as father, embedded as it is in a biblical tradition which contains the stories of Lot's daughters and the rules for a Christian household from Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3, evokes for the incest survivor not the sense ofloving nurture but that of exploitation and domination. Christian preaching should not avoid Genesis 19, Ephesians 6, and Colossians 3 but should tackle directly the harmful messages they convey about the human relationships
ofthe family and the nature
of the divine-human relationship, in
as far as it draws its imagery from the
human family.
C hristians also need to reflect on the link between the basic presupposition of Genesis 19-that a daughter's sexuality exists for the benefit of her father-and violence, primarily but not exclusively violence against women. The profile ofthe rapist, which has emerged from recent research, emphasizes the connection between incest, homophobia, the domination of and violence towards women and patriarchal family values. The rapist is likely to have been sexually abused as a child and the rapist is vehemently homo-phobic. The rapist is not a sexually starved individual but is normally in a relationship with a woman where he is the dominant partner. And the rapist holds traditional patriarchal views about women's roles and the family. When one considers how Genesis 19 and the similar story in Judges 19 connect rape and a father's control of his daughter's sexuality, and when one ponders the homophobic interpretation that Christians have given these passages, then one becomes aware how traditional Christian teaching has fostered the mentality of the rapist.
Relationships of domination always include the possibility of violence. The rapist converts what he considers as his God-given right to dominate and abuse women within the family into permission to commit violent acts against women outside the family. The rapist regards his crime as "natural" over against the homosexual behavior which he abhors. Christian theology and ethics seem too often to share the mental traits of the rapist. An inordinate amount of effort is expended asking which genital acts between which consenting adults are right or wrong. In contrast, very little reflection is given to the sexual violence against and the abuse of women and children which arise out of the patterns of domination in the traditional patriarchal family.
Our Christian sexual ethics must break with the rapist mentality. Having seen clearly the detrimental effect of much Christian teaching on the evolution of a humane family, we must create a new image of the family as a community of equals where different capabilities and stages of development do not become excuses for domination and exploitation. In such families, boys would not learn to be violent and abusive and girls would not learn to be submissive and dependent. A respect for the sexuality of others would replace the views that women's sexuality exists for the benefit of men and that a daughter's sexuality exists for the benefit of her father. Such respect for the sexuality of others is necessary ifwe are going to overcome the societal evils of rape and sexual harassment of women, of sexual abuse of children, and of homophobia and violence towards gay men and lesbians. 0
THE GOOD
SAMARITAN
REVISITED
By Beth Matheson
There is II tllle w"ide creeps with silen« Ihrollgh 1M Ollre'" 1M people, Ihe com"",lIity. 11 whispers Ulce II hot willd 0" MrS which do IJOt WIMt to hear. if WOIIUIIt Iuu -..beaten. This 1M MrS heGr. TIre rest nulln by with tM wind. SIw WII8 beaten ;" .1aome, by • hIlSband. They tire well off, we see II ""PPI llUln'itlge, Ihree childrert. TIre wind sIIY' 'he """ to Ihe priest w/ro
IIIid: "Go back. " She mllst retllm 10
• /rome; • responsibility WG$ to
• "",1Huul iUUI her children. SM retllmaL He belli •• W1uu more w will IJOt hetll'. TIle willd blows ,ilertce
to 011' etU'S. She """ 10 • mot•• Retll,n 10YO"' luuband;YOIl IIUJn'iaI him, YOlI ',e stuck with him. SIw retumaL He beat her. And forced . -whllt more w wiU nol hetll'. TIre willd CIII'rin it awllY. She ,."" illlo 1M street III1d cried. A lesbiall foulld.. "Get IIWIIY from him, " ,he SIIid. "You do"'1 deserre lhis. 1 know II IIIfe Iunue. Come. I'll show yoII." Alld 1M Iesbiall took her, Mlped • III1d remained a Sletldy friend.
1.
Rafael Patai, Sex and Family in the Bible and the Middle EaYt, Garden C~ty, N.V., 1959, Of lhese, who WG$ lhe woman "
neighbor?
Reprinted with pemlission
from Working
Together to Pre~Dt
Sexual and Domestic
Violence, Center for
'he Prevention ofSelUll
Qltd Domestic nolence.
Spring/Summer
19M
pp.138-44.
Sheila Briggs is an aYsistant professor in the School of Religion at the University of Southern California. Originally from England. Sheila now lives in Claremont. California.
OpenHands 5
Vwlence seems to be a male prerogative. Throughout history, men have perpetrated hostile acts on others and on themselves. It is not only physical stamina and strength that have lent themselves to male violence, but also a kind of historical entitlement to mastery that has justified violent behavior. Celebrated in both sacred and profane literature, the prerogative to violence is an established folkway in all cultures. Western society approves and condones violence, particularly in men, whereas revulsion is the general reaction to violent behavior by women.l
Men are socialized to violence. Early in their lives, boys are introduced to roughhousing and, thus, are subtly encouraged to behave belligerently and aggressively. Female infants are handled as if they are fragile whereas male infants are not/ a not-so-subtle message to little boys to be tough. The heroes and role models provided for boys are spurs to aggressive behavior.3 The dread of being a sissy and the need to preclude becoming one by resorting to belligerence further induces men to be violent.4
The early encouragement to internalize all emotional reactions and to be self-sufficient and autonomous, no matter the cost, are the precursors of the harm that men do to themselves.5 Coupled with the admonition to a man not to let anyone see him cry is the message to reduce or eliminate all emotional responses. Ifmen cannot deal with their frustration through hurt and sadness, then only anger is left. Because in our culture anger is an acceptable trait in men, violence often results as a consequence of emotional restriction.6
A further impetus to violence by men is competitiveness.7Cultural notions of progress demand a fiercely competitive society, and it is men who have classically been trained to compete. This competition can obstruct intimacy or trust in relationships and cause men to act aggressively toward others who might outdistance them. The competitive urge can infiltrate all areas of a man's life, causing him to be constantly on guard. Anxiety results and sometimes culminates in violent acts.
Along with the culturally imposed sanctions against intimacy, men are taught to confuse sexuality with violence.8 For women, intimacy and sexuality commonly are tied together; for men, they often are not. Men can share sex and feel no ties to the persons with whom they have been physicall~ intimate because they have not been emotionally intimate. Because of the lack of emotional intimacy, the violent images of male sexuality, and the desire to prove their masculinity through conquests, sex can become a violent act for men.
MANIFESTATIONS OF
MALE VIOLENCE
Male violence is manifested in both blatant and subtle ways against women, men, children, and themselves. Blatant violence against women occurs in the form of physical and emotional abuse, harassment, and economic or social subjugation.lo The physical abuse includes rape, spouse battering, and any form of observable harm inflicted on women. Harassment occurs through sexual innuendo and suggestion in work and social situations in which women are not able to respond or escape. The gamut of harassment spans direct sexual propositioning or caressing to oversolicitous and lascivious interest in the individual. Economic and social SUbjugation surfaces in attempts to maintain the status quo. Women are seen as servants, and everything from demeaning tasks to inequality in remuneration is used to keep them subject economically. Social domination is maintained through various means designed to demonstrate and continue the illusion of masculine superiority.
War, physical abuse, and institutionalized brutality are the general manifestations of the blatant violence men inflict on other men. I I The more subtle forms surface particularly in the economic and cultural SUbjugation of minority and lower-class men. However, with our economic system being hierarchically constructed, it actually demeans all who are a part of it. Because the structure is basically pyramidal, only those at the very apex do not feel controlled; however, even they, because of the stress created by the competition and struggle necessary to main taining their positions, are victims of the violence of our male-dominated society. Men's violence against themselves surfaces in the restrictions and constrictions placed on their lives. It also occurs in the depression that results from the anger internalized by deprivation ofautonomy as well as the inability to express, in a positive manner, the hostility resulting from restrictive socialization.
Children are direct victims of male violence through physical and sexual abuse, which may begin in infancy and be maintained throughout childhood. Moreover, children are also forced to surrender their spontaneity and autonomy by a society dedicated to maintaining its exist ing structure. This enforced surrender commences with the intrinsic regimentation of our major social institutions: family, school, and religion.
Aside from the blatant aspects of male violence, there are subtle and ambiguous manifestations of that violence. These subtle aspects are often insidious and potentially devastating because they clandestinely maintain the status quo, undermining and demoralizing those who are not male, powerful, and privileged. These forms ofviolence are manifested in sexism and misogyny, homophobia, homosexism, racism, and ageism.
Se.lsm. Sexism and misogyny lead to the oppression
of women economically and socially. This oppression is a
product of fear and hatred of women. Men, believing that
they are entitled to power and control, must vanquish anyone
who threatens that entitlement. Women as a group can
threaten that entitlement and, therefore, are treated as less
than equal and are kept in subordinate positions.12
Homophobia. Homophobia, which is the fear or hatred
of homosexuals and homosexuality, is a strong force in
our society. Examples of homophobia range from outright
physical harm, including murder, to legislative acts that
turn gay men and lesbians into criminals. The use of
institutional constraints, including legislation, to dominate
a minority is an example of the way in which violence can
be sublimated.
Ho............ "Homosexism" is the projection onto other men of the negative qualities that men experience about themselves.13 Once the projection is made, men can be seen as enemies because they are perceived as bad or evil. Such a perception enables one to feel blameless when other men are mistreated. Homosexism in conjunction with homophobia gives license to all men.
Racism. The desire to maintain status plus the projection ofone's own frailties onto another group is the basis of racism. That combination is further strengthened by the economic value of dominating another race or ethnic group (if racism can be stretched to include ethnic as well as racial groups).
Age.sm. Discrimination against aged and aging persons is also an example of the subtle way in which violent impulses can be expressed. Older people are mistreated through discrimination and neglect. This mistreatment allows men, who orchestrate such behavior, to work through their aggression at those who dominated them when they were boys. Children are taught and urged to strive for autonomy and are often frustrated. The resulting hostility toward those adults can result in ageism.
Violence in men is almost endemic and sometimes seems unlikely ever to change. Yet there is hope. With increased understanding and knowledge, it is possible for individuals and society to be helped.
CASE EXAMPLES
Frank is a 35-year-old man who scares his partner. At times Frank's anger is out 9f control when he is frustrated. His partner does not understand his frustration, primarily because Frank does not share his frustration in nonviolent ways. The partner does not understand why she or he is being shoved around the house, having things thrown at her or him, and being slapped across the face. Frank hurts so badly inside and feels so out ofcontrol that he cries with his fists. He has learned, from his father and other male role models, to seek relief and answers in ultimately futile ways when he feels out of control, unsure, and helpless. Frank needs a sense of self-respect, self-understanding, and self-love. Instead, he pursues domination, violation, and eventually self-pity. He fails to realize that he is damaging others and himself. His focus is usually inward, and he is afraid of being rejected and abandoned. Frank sees few options for himself. He sometimes feels suicidal and homicidal.
Craig is 21 years old. He has learned about sex and sexuality from locker room lies and partial truths and from reading "girlie" magazines. Craig believes that he is learning about sex, but, in reality, he is learning to confuse sex and violence. Craig cannot be arrested for his catcalls, for telling rape jokes, or for having his hand pushed off his date's thigh three times within an hour. As our society says, "Boys will be boys." Yet boys in our culture grow up to be adolescents and adults who, as in Craig's case, sometimes do not realize that they violate others. Craig is probably not aware that the promise of male sexual prowess is a myth. Also, he is probably not aware that he is seeking a positive sense of self in inappropriate ways. As he pursues selfesteem with sexual conquests and stories, he does not realize that a positive self-image cannot be built and maintained through dishonesty, violence, coercion, and domination. When Craig sticks his head out of a car window and yells obscene suggestions to a woman, he knows, on some level, that he is hurting another person who has feelings just like his mother or sister. Along with this knowledge, at a deep level, come guilt, anger, and depression. This in tum restricts and confines Craig's ability to
Open Hands 7
feel good as a sexual being and severely damages his selfconcept and self-worth.
JOURNEYING TOWARD WHOLENESS
There are a Frank and Craig inside most men. Helping men get in touch with the violent aspect of themselves is to help them begin a journey toward redefining their images of masculinity and femininity. It is also a journey that will help men forgive themselves and other men who have hurt them and not carry the burden of internalized guilt and self-pity.
For many, the journey begins with a cue from the outside world or from the inside experience of something that is not working right. For some men, this cue is a feeling of emptiness in their relationships, depression, or impulse toward suicide. For others, help comes only after having been arrested for beating their spouse or abusing their child.
The first part of men's journey is to get in touch with how much they are hurting. Talking about the hurt, sharing stories, and sharing secrets is the first step.14 Often there is a sense ofreliefand a feeling that they are not alone. Men see and experience that talking it out, risking, and being vulnerable will not devastate them.
The second part of the journey involves reeducation. Evaluating and coming to grips with their ideas of what it means to be a man and what is entailed in that definition can be a precursor to relearning and resocializing old patterns.15 Men need a chance to talk about how and what they learned about being a man in reference to attitudes toward women, male friendships, homophobia, sexuality, work, expression of feelings, intimacy, fathering, power and control, money, and expression of anger; such discussions can be quite healing and enlightening. Awareness begins to allow men to put their violent behavior in a different frame of reference, enabling men to suspend temporarily some of their internalized anger and guilt and to accept their humanness.
The third part of the journey involves a cognitive and emotional realization ofthe impact or cost that others have borne as a result of men's violence. This part of the journey may involve a remembering and verbalizing of both past and current victims of their violence. It is important for men to recognize the impact their behavior had on the objects of their violence. They must no longer numb themselves to the pain that they have inflicted. Men can begin to experience a sense of sadness ( outer-directed experience) rather than only feeling guilt or shame (inner-directed experience) for the damage they have done.
The fourth phase of the journey involves discovering options and opportunities to feel good about oneself, to feel responsible, and to feel in charge of one's life without having to control, dominate, and humiliate others.16 It is in this phase of the journey that men learn what they may lose or need to give up in order to change. Some men are faced with losing peer acceptance; others are faced with the knowledge that they will not get their way all the time. Fear of these losses is based in reality and will often serve as a major block to change. Helping men stay in touch with the pain and the cost of maintaining the in-control, in-charge male machine concept helps break down their resistance to change. In addition, men must be introduced to and taught alternatives for meeting their needs.
The fifth phase of the journey revolves around the concept offorgiveness. The ability to forgive oneself and others is a prelude to helping and teaching other men to be nonviolent. The process of forgiving oneself allows men to
8 Open Hands
move beyond their guilt and shame to a view of themselves as individuals capable of changing and learning from their mistakes.
CONCLUSION
S ocial mores, familial experiences, and individual choice are all contributing factors in men's propensity toward violence. If male violence is to be reduced, then political, educational, and psychotherapeutic interventions must be made on many levels.
Fortunately, efforts are being made today to effect these changes. On the social or institutional level, by readjusting the power differential between men and women (e.g., job opportunities, compensation, sexual harassment policies, affirmative action), the women's movement and the men's movement are working toward changing the attitudes, behaviors, and policies of a system that sanctions male superiority and privilege. On the individual and familial level, therapists are working with clients and their families to help stop the cycle of violence that is often passed down from generation to generation, while at the same time the men's and women's movements are motivating men to take individual and collective responsibility to stop violence. o
REFERENCES
1.
S. Brownmiller, Against Our Will (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1975).
2. R Gilmore, personal communication, 1984.
3.
M. Gerzon, A Choice of Heroes (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1982).
4.
D.S. David and R Brannon, eds., The Forty-nine Percent Majority: The Male Sex Role (Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley, 1976).
5.
J. Harrison, "Warning: The Male Sex Role May Be Dangerous to Your Health,Journal ofSocial Issues 34 (1978):65-86.
6.
J.M. ONeil, "Patterns of Gender Role Conflict and Strain: Sexism and Fear of Femininity in Men's Lives," Personnel and Guidance Journal 60 (1981 ):203-10.
7.
RA Lewis, "Emotional Intimacy among Men," Journal ofSociaI Issues 34 (1978):109-21; M. Scher, "Men and Intimacy," Counseling and Values 25 (1981):62-68.
8.
M. Stevens and R Gebhart, Rape Education for Men: Curriculum Guide (Columbus: The Ohio State University Rape Education Prevention Project, 1985).
9.
R.A Lewis, R. Casto, W. Aquilino, and N. McGuffin, "Developmental Transitions in Male Sexuality," Counselil1g Psychologist 7, no. 4 (1978):15-19.
10.
E. Stanko, Intimate Intrusions (London: Rutledge & Kegan Paul, 1985).
II. P. Chesler, About Men (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1978).
12. N. Carlson, personal communication, 1984; G. Greer, The Female Eunuch (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1970).
13. G.K Lehne, "Homophobia among Men," pp. 66-88 in David and Brannon, The Forty-nine Percent Majority.
14.
M. Scher, "Men in Hiding: A Challenge for Counselors," Personnel and Guidance Journal 60 (1981): 199-202.
15.
N. Malmuth and E. Donnerstein, eds., Pornography and Sexual Aggression. Orlando, Aa.: Academic Press, 1984); J. ON eil, "Gender Role Conflict and Strain in Men's Lives," pp. 5-41 in K Solomon and
N. Levy, eds., Men in Transition (New York: Plenum Press, 1982); J. Pleck, "The Male Sex Role: Definitions, Problems, and Sources of Change," Journal ofSocial Issues 32(1976):155-64.
16. Stevens and Gebhart, Rape Education for Men.
Mu"ay Scher is a psychologist in private practice, Greeneville, Tennessee. Mark Stevens is coordinator of training, University Counseling Services, University ofSouthern California, Los Angeles. He is the spokesperson for the National Organization for Changing Men and is active in antirape work. This arlicle is excerpted from an arlicle by the same name in Journal of Counseling and Development, March 1987. Copyright AACD. Reprinted with permission. No further reproduction authorized without written permission of AACD.
By Chip Aldridge
o Saturday, October 10, 1987, as one of the events related to the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, a National Round Table Discussion on Anti-Gay and Lesbian Violence and related issues was held at a hotel in the nation's capitol.
The organizers of this meeting-the San Francisco Community against Violence and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF)-had anticipated a small turnout considering the other major march-related events that were in conflict with the gathering. To their surprise, the small meeting room was overflowing with those who had come from across the United States and even Great Britain to learn more about the increasing epidemic of persons being threatened, assaulted, or killed because of their perceived sexual orientation. Participants discussed strategies for monitoring the patterns and results of anti-gay/lesbian violence and for advocating for those who survive "fag-bashing."
A NATIONAL PROBLEM
The statistics are staggering. In 1986,4,946 acts of anti-gay/lesbian violence and victimization from across the United States were reported to NGLTF. That figure was more than two times the 2,042 incidents reported to the task force in 1985. Yet, insists NGLTF, "these episodes account for only a very small fraction of the actual number that occurred in 1986 since anti-gay episodes in the vast majority of U.S. towns and cities were not reported" to the task force.)
The incidents ranged from verbal
attacks to physical assaults to homicide.
Eight percent involved police abuse,
harassment, or negligence.
Anti-gay/lesbian violence occurs in
all parts of the country. The New York
City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence
Project reported that its caseload increased
86% in 1986. Approximately
1,300 of the cases reported to NGLTF
in 1986 came from North Carolina.
Another study published in 1986 reported
on 734 victimizations in Alaska
due solely to sexual orientation.
There is little doubt that much of
this increase is attributable to fears of
AIDS or to homophobes' perceptions that AIDS legitimizes their prejudices. Reference to AIDS was made in 14% of the incidents reported to NGLTF in 1986. According to Kevin Berrill, director of the task force's Anti-Violence Project, "What AIDS has done is simply give the bigots and bashers the justification to attack gays.,,2 Yet, he notes, very little has been done in the way of organizing to educate against homophobic violence, in contrast to the way so much organizing has been done in response to the AIDS crisis.
Outside of the gay/lesbian press, one might seldom come across reports of these incidents. Many Americans may be aware of the 1978 murder of openly gay San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk by Dan White, another San Francisco supervisor. But they may not have heard of other incidents to which lesbian/gay newspapers and magazines have worked hard to draw attention:
o Charlie Howard, a gay man, was killed by being thrown off a bridge in Bangor, Maine, by three young men in July 1984.
o In Morristown, New Jersey, on February 26, 1987, a gay man was beaten, slashed, and burned with a cigarette by three men. They then tied him behind their truck and drove off, dragging him along a dirt road.
o On September 6, 1986, in Portland, Maine, three women were assaulted by an assailant who called them anti-lesbian epithets and left one of them with a fractured jaw, several broken teeth, and bruised ribs.
o In March 1986, Jeffrey McCourt, the editor of the Windy City Times, a Chicago lesbian/gay newspaper, was beaten with a baseball bat by an intruder who broke into his office.
Incidents such as these victimize far more persons than those who are directly assaulted. They result in increased worry and tension among gay men and lesbians in general since one does not have to actually experience anti-gay/ lesbian violence to live with ongoing fear of violence and the knowledge that gay men and lesbians do not have equal protection under the law.
Open Hands 9
EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL R EALITIES OF
WHAT NEEDS To BE DONE?
Those involved in fighting antigay/lesbian violence have numerous suggestions on what needs to be done to curb this epidemic. One of the most effective tools they recommend is documentation of this type of violence. Not only physical violence and homicide but also verbal harassment or threats of violence, objects thrown, vandalism, bombings, bomb threats, and arson need to be recorded to show the scope of the violence that offends the dignity and security of any lesbian or gay man. Particularly important is maintaining information on verbal or physical abuse by local police or the harassment or negligence that can occur when police are called into gay/ lesbian-related situations. When the system works against the rights of a gay/lesbian person, the victim of a crime becomes re-victimized.
Currently, virtually all the information gathered on anti-gay/lesbian violence is collated by private interest and advocacy groups such as NGLTF. California is the only state that requires authorities to record victimization in crimes by sexual orientation. As this article is being written, the U.S. House of Representatives has on its agenda the "Hate Crime Statistics Act" (H.R. 3193), which would require the U.S. Department of Justice to compile statistics not only on crimes motivated by ethnic, racial, or religious prejudice but also on crimes based on sexual orientation. The bill was approved by the House Judiciary Committee in October 1987 by a vote of22 to 11; consideration by the full House is not expected until sometime in 1988.
Too often those who lobby for lesbian/gay rights approach city, state, or federal officials with pleas for attention to the problems of homophobic violence are met with surprised looks and the question, "Are there really problems with violence against lesbians and gay men?" The officials are unaware of the issue because fear of exposure and lack of protection under current laws deter a majority of people who suffer in situations of anti-gay/ lesbian violence from reporting the crime. And many of those who do attempt to report crimes find themselves the accused by virtue of admitting their sexual orientation.
10 Open Hands
~J~ Tiolence. Humiliation. Degradation. Pain. Fear. Denial ofdignity. All~r\~1\ ~V ~re at least a part of the life of every gay man and lesbian.
~:qJil\t Members of any disenfranchised or oppressed group can cite incidents and name fear ofviolence based solely on whatever makes those individuals different, be it race, culture. religion, physical ability, etc. Members ofthe gay/ lesbian community experience violence based on their homosexuality almost daily. from both external and internal sources. External violence, of course, stems largely from society's hatred of anything or anyone who follows a different path or who simply is different from society's norm. Throughout our society, one of the possible punishments for being lesbian or gay has been physical or sexual abuse. I was once speaking with a group of college students about the issues of homosexuality. After a lengthy discussion affirming that indeed gay men and lesbians exist and make up approximately 10 percent of the population, a student in the group calculated that on this small campus of 1.500 students. there were probably 150 homosexuals. Expecting to hear an affirming response, I heard from this student instead, "Let's line them up and shoot them." Lesbians and gay men know that they frequently have legitimate reason to fear for their physical safety. They know they often must be attentive when leaving a gay or lesbian bar, wondering if someone will be waiting outside to attack anyone who has been there. They know that if two women or two men are seen expressing tenderness or affection to each other-simply holding hands or embracing-the result may be beating. rape. or public harassment or ridicule. External violence can be psychological and emotional as well as physical. Lesbians and gay men may fear being rejected. denied. or labeled as maladjusted. sick, or perverted by families and friends. Thus. they may celebrate a new relationship alone, keeping it hidden and sharing it only with those who are trusted or who cannot deny employment, housing, love, or acceptance.
Safety. affirmation, and acceptance are needs and desires everyone has. When any of these is denied based on sexual identity, fear and isolation fill the void. How this affects an individual is often profound. Actions are censored, and decisions are altered by the possibility for abuse. In short, the results of fear ofexternal violence can be another form of violence-internal violence. Its results can be devastating.
Fear turned inward is one of the most pervasive and painful realizations of individual members of the gay/lesbian community and of society as a whole. In trying to build a community's existence, violence turned inward works to destroy trust, relationships, and lives. Fear turned inward results in escape
The Front Page, a lesbian/gay newspaper for the Carolinas, ran an extensive story in its September 8, 1987, issue on the significant impact even a few testimonies on anti-gay/lesbian violence can have in affecting the attitudes of elected officials.3
In August 1986 the Rev. June Norris, pastor of St. John's Metropolitan Community Church in Raleigh. North Carolina, received a message on her office answering machine: ''I'm gonna kill all you fags ... because I hate you fags ... I'm gonna kill all you god-damned queers." The caller alluded that blood would be shed at the following Sunday's service of worship. Police were called in to search for bombs. None were found. but the police remained on guard at the church for the duration of the service.
Nancy Parr, a member of the city's Human Resource and Human Relations Advisory Committee, found the bomb scare especially alarming since she belongs to the church that rents space to St. John's. She voiced her realization to The Front Page, "If someone could plant a bomb and injure any of us, it was no longer an us-versusthem." Parr asked Rev. Norris to present her experiences along with data on other anti-gay/lesbian-related violence to the advisory committee.
Rev. Norris's testimony led to a , committee recommendation that legis:
I
1I
tNTI-GAy/LESBIAN VIOLENCE
through alcohol and drugs. one of the most destructive and prominent realities of the lesbian/gay world. Fear turned inward creates unsafe relationships ofsexual and physical battering, ofemotional abuse. ofvictims being left to feel isolated and crazy, of feeling that the abuse was somehow deserved or justified as punishment simply for whom they love.
Few gay men and lesbians wish to acknowledge-much less write about and educate others on-the problems of internalized gay and lesbian violence. The reasons for this are many. First ofall is sadness. the feeling that I didn't go to the trouble of accepting my sexuality, stepping away from the norm of society. only to once again deal with these issues within my community that I hoped was my home. Lesbians and gay men working toward community experience grief and a sense of loss upon seeing the difference between that which is hoped for and needed and that which is real.
Fear of articulating internal violence also stems from a desire that this should not be public information. Ifa homophobic society finds out that gay men and lesbians sometimes are batterers in relationships. that lesbian and gay pornography frequently promotes and portrays sadomasochism and exploitation. this is more that can be used against homosexuals. I am personally saddened and angered when I go to a book store for gay men and lesbians and find that which is presented as erotica and sexual expressions often to be no more than a mirror of exploitation and unequal relationships as found in heterosexual pornography.
Fighting sexual violence and exploitation within the gay/lesbian community can be difficult When I have tried, as a writer, to identify these internal sources ofviolence against my own community, reactions from within the gay and lesbian community as well as from the straight world have been frightening. Whom will this knowledge harm? For whom will it reaffirm that gay men and lesbians should be shunned and feared? For which ofmy friends or acquaintances will this be the beginning of the end of our relationship?
All these are valid concerns. Yet I firmly believe that only through identifying these issues will victims ofviolence be able to identify their own abuse as abuse. Ifwe can all acknowledge these issues. ifwe can all take responsibility for ending our own violent behaviors and for holding accountable those who are violent toward us. perhaps we will begin to regain our power. And perhaps we will be able to work together to create safe places. 0
Marianne Winters is associate director for direct service at the Rape Crisis Program of Worcester, Massachusetts. She is the former cochair person ofthe Task Force on Pornography and Legislation for the National Coalition against Sexual Assault.
lation in the state legislature to protect
was provided by the city about crimes
those whose civil rights are violated for
against lesbian/gay people.
racial or ethnic reasons be expanded to
The anger generated by the city's
cover sexual orientation. But in May,
callous response moved the Human
when the bill came before the Raleigh
Resource and Human Relations AdCity
Council, the council refused to
visory Committee to schedule a hearendorse
it on the grounds that "Gay
ing in the Raleigh City Council
rights resolutions tend not to further
chambers. Then the stories were heard.
understanding and tolerance but rather
More than 20 individuals came forto
stir up an emotional issue." Instead
ward to recount incidences of beatings,
the council asked the city staff to invesharassment,
police talking people out
tigate violence against Raleigh's
of pursuing cases, violence from hate
lesbian/gay citizens. Three days later,
groups, flyers and brochures-some of
Raleigh Police Chief F.K. Heineman
which talked about "killing queers"issued
his two-paragraph report: "Our
and people losing their children jn
criminal records indicate there is not a
court or being blackmailed in divorce
pattern of victimization of homosexsituations.
uals in the city." No other information
How far this type of testimony will
push local officials to take action cannot
yet be determined, but in the
Raleigh area it clearly has mobilized
the local lesbian/gay community to act
for themselves.
Those who have come together since the Raleigh hearing have adopted a far-reaching agenda of victim's aid, police relations and education, religious outreach, documentation, media watch, and voter education. They are finding more and more people outside the gay/ lesbian community in favor of the plans they are proposing. Their experience has been repeated in communities all over the county-and needs to be repeated by many more. Most people feel that nobody should be subjected to violence, unwarranted job loss, or loss of housing because of whom they happen to love. It's not a gay/lesbian vs. heterosexual issue. As one person in Raleigh noted, it's an issue of enlightened people vs. bigots.
ONE MORE INCIDENT
Afriend recently told me of an incident where two lesbians were walking together on the street one evening in Washington, D.C. They were approached by a man who perceived them to be homosexuals and began a tirade of religiously related pronouncements against them, becoming more and more angry. The women felt intimidated and endangered as the man became more hostile toward them. Suddenly as part of his "attack" he began singing the hymn "Amazing Grace," perhaps under the impression that it would have detrimental affects on homosexuals. Automatically one of the women joined him by singing the alto harmony part. The attacker then apologized for mistakenly bothering two Christian "sisters" who could not possibly be homosexuals and left them in peace. Amazing grace! 0
REFERENCES
l. National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, "Anti-Gay Violence, Victimization, and Defamation in 1986," 1987, p. 3.
2.
"Fear ofAIDS Stirs New Attacks on Homosexuals," New York Times, April 24, 1987.
3.
"Testimony on Anti-Gay Violence Heard," The Front Page, September 8, 1987.
Chip Aldridge is assistant to the dean ofstudents at Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington, D.C.,from which he has an MDiv. degree.
Open Hands 11
e were together for two years. The abuse began early on, though I didn't know enough then to make such a connection. Though a lesbian feminist activist for years at that point, I still thought of battering as, first, a male-against-female act, and second, as being a physically violent act. I had no concept ofwhat emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse was about.
Like many battered people, I didn't see it coming. And if I had had a sense about what lay ahead, I was far too ignorant to call it what it was. After all, we were in love and we were intelligent women of high political consciousness (whatever that means).
I need to clarify at this point that the abuse I suffered was mostly verbal and emotional, which many battered people will testify as being the real event. You can be involved in a devastatingly brutal relationship, with all of the extreme emotional consequences, and never have a hand raised against you.
For myself, the physical outbreak ofviolence occurred infrequently, but I lived with the knowledge that the threat or possibility of physical violence could happen. I was often distracted from the real issue in our relationship and quieted by her reminders that the brutality suffered by her lovers previous to myself was far worse than anything I suffered, physically. I'm sure this is true, but the real message she was delivering (and which I bought) was that I didn't have anything to complain about since others had suffered more harm than I, and after all, she was trying to control herself.
I backed off.
I understood.
I forgave.
And I felt sorry for her.
I still feel sorry for her. Well, it's more like pity. She came from a home situation where she was the victim of what ranged from severe neglect to severe violence, which I later became convinced also included sexual abuse, though she would never betray her family by claiming such a thing.
She was so afraid and so tormented by her past. I listened and I held her through all the tears and the horror stories and the re-living of the terrifying and bloody nightmares she experienced so often.
I sometimes felt like I was taking care of a scared little girl while she told her stories with all intense emotions as though it were twenty-five minutes instead of twenty-five years that had passed since the actual event. She carried such a rage around inside of her. Part of me was paralyzed with fear of that rage and part of me wanted to relieve her of its burden and torture.
I loved her for her ability and willingness to survive a childhood filled with such trauma and pain, and I sympathized. We moved right into a way of relating in which it became my role in our relationship to make up for all that pain, all those terrifying times and denial of love. Clearly an unhealthy way of relating. but it wasn't clear to me at the beginning. I thought the strength of our love could heal those old wounds.
And I felt for a long time that I had failed her.
We loved each other and I was taken with the apparent intensity of her feelings for me. I guess "dramatic" might be more accurate a term, but it was the first relationship for me in which the woman I was so in love with was also in love with me. I couldn't believe my fortune. There was all the special ness and passion I had ever wanted. She was striking and intelligent and always willing to take a stand. We opposed and fought sexism, racism, and homophobia, with pride and conviction. The stickler in our little paradise was a growing habit of condescension which I at first interpreted as a byproduct of ageism (she was ten years older than I). She didn't seem to value my opinions much and had little trust in my intellect. My stories more amused than moved her and I became more and more hurt by it. I let it go and let it go until I could let it go no more. The next put-down was met with a challenge. I let her know that some of her attitudes towards me were insulting and I felt I deserved more respect. From that came our first fight (a yelling match) in which she told me that if I was so insulted and felt that I was being treated so badly, I could leave. I took her apartment key off my key ring, left it on the bed and headed for the door. That's when the first incidence of violence occurred. In the following two years, I tried to walk out on her many times; each time the attempt was met with physical violence or threats of suicide. The physical abuse I endured ranged from pushing and being restrained against my will to slaps and a tackle
12 Open Hands
I
which produced a back injury that left me in pain for several months. I never sought medical help, mostly out of fear of having to explain or lie about what had happened. My injuries were not visible, except perhaps in my mood. For many months I repeated to myself, ··This is not happening:' I knew it was and did not want to believe it. It was a very personal hell.
There was the time that she made a move to strangle me, and was shocked that I bothered to defend myself. And there was the time when she woke me in the middle of the night with her crying because she had awakened to find me sleeping so still that she imagined she must have killed me.
There were the tantrums and the dramatic mood swings. I was at a loss to try to find the rhyme or reason to what would set her off.
There was' the time I had to talk her out of buying a gun, not out ofany strong convictions on my part around gun control, but because I thought I had a pretty good idea whom she might threaten with it Itwas the only time in my life I've ever used the words ""I forbid it!"
I allowed her to convince me that I was the one who instigated the abuse. Itseems that any time my needs differed from hers, I was being abusive. Ifshe wanted to go to the movies and I wanted to stay home and finish schoolwork, that was supposed to be abusive on my part. Fights erupted almost daily over these kinds of things, and I gradually came to see that for her this was normal. Every couple fights, right'? But our conflicts were almost constant and I gradually lost weight (down to eighty-nine pounds, at one point), I was constantly exhausted and suffered from headaches and an ulcer condition. I developed several cysts and PIO and was almost hospitalized for these lack-of-health conditions. In trying to relate to my best friend what was happening to my body (which for all ofmy life up to that point had been relatively free from illness) I realized that for the months that this condition was developing, my lover had repeated to me many times that I was going to die. Upon learning of this my best friend said, "For Christsakes, she's talking you into it! You've got to get away from it." Which I did for three days. Long enough to fast, do some soul-searching meditation! healing work, and set into process a momentum to correct the conditions that had caused the deterioration of my health.
We were together only six months after that. I had told her at one point that I would no longer accept apologies from her, figuring that it was in part my forgiving of these acts that allowed her to tum around and repeat them. All I actually succeeded in doing was obliterating the only nice phase of our relationship-the "making-up" phase. Our relationship became a two-part cycle: tension-abuse, tension-abuse.
I remember thinking that the only way out, the only way to change this situation was for one of us to die. I couldn't leave her because ofthe threats and also because I still loved and needed her. I was halfconvinced I'd never find love again and not so sure that I would want to after this anyway. But death came to seem the only way out and that thought scared me. I came to understand how battered people sometimes finally murder their batterers.
But I found another way out: I went to therapy. She left me two weeks later. Mter two years ofthe confusion of our relationship (How could someone who loves me treat me this way?), suffering accusations, and always struggling to prove myself and my love and yet blaming myself, I was left emotionally and behaviorally paralyzed. I worked with an excellent counselor who had some experience counseling lesbians and some experience counseling battered women, but never a battered lesbian. We did good work together and with the patience and support of my close friends and an understanding family I set out to recover and to transform my pain into personal power. I worked through guilt and fear and my own outrage at what I had put up with. Mter all the self-doubt and self-blame, it was a powerful realization and an important step in self-affirmation to be able to say that it was not wrong of me to trust her. It was wrong of her to betray my trust.
Along with personal counseling I did the feminist thing and began to work on bringing the issue ofbattering in gay and lesbian relationships out of the closet. I hooked up and helped to form a group called RUTH, which was a support group for battered lesbians. Along with my friend Blair, I put on workshops, did interviews with the lesbian press, circulated information on how to determine if you are a battered person, spoke to mental health groups and shelter workers. We received phone
Open Hands 13
calls from women all over the country, proof that our
HOMOPHOBIA I~
experience was not an isolated and unique problem.
As with many problems that we confront within our community, we translate the personal pain and fear into activity. We form support groups, organize conferences.
ar from being monolithic or homoset up hotlines. provide safe space and opportunities for
geneous, the battered women's movelearning, sharing and healing. We present our stories of
F
ment incorporates differences among women in ideology, horror and survival. We cry, we mourn, we get angry. We
class, race, ethnicity, education, skill and knowledge level, blame ourselves. we blame someone else and eventually
and sexual preference. The fight against battering bonds work our way to the calm after the storm, pick up our
diverse groups of women. The battered women's movement pouch of learnings and move on. Some of us move on to
cannot escape the reality that gender is not the only oppresother issues. working against other forms of assault on
sion many women face. Because the potential strength of the our people and our spirit, and carrying with us an
movement lies partly in its diversity it is now at a point where awareness and a reclaiming of the right and the ability
in order to realize this potential, it must acknowledge difand the courage to love, and to no longer live in fear. We
ferences and struggle with them internally. laugh again.
Homophobia has made its ugly way into shelters, forcing For me. the real crime, the real sin in battering is the
lesbians to leave the movement or, more frequently, to fear that it strikes in a person's heart. Anything that
remain silent about their identities. Homophobia has makes you afraid is an act against your spirit, for when
divided and will continue to divide the movement unless you are afraid, you don't really live.
heterosexual women confront it in themselves and their I resent the phone calls (since our break-up) from my
organiza tions. ex to inform me ofher latest suicide attempt, and then the
Women often suggest that sexual preference is a personal remorse and tears over the ending of our relationship.
choice that has no place in movement discussions. This posiAnd the angry reminders that a "relationship is a two-way
tion denies the significance of homophobia-the irrational street, you know, Donna!" Yes, a relationship is a two-way
fear ofwomen emotionally and sexually loving each otherstreet Abuse isn't necessarily. My point is: the abuse
and heterosexism-defining heterosexuality as the only nordoesn't always end with the divorce.
mal sexual expression within our society. As an attempt to I still don't know why. when it is so common to grow
deny all women the right to define themselves, homophobia up with violence in all its forms, that some people go on to
attacks the right to self-determination that is the foundation continue the tradition of violence and some people
of the battered women's and women's liberation movements. manage to rise above that particular training and do good
Sexual identity is an obvious political issue within work and lead loving lives. I don't know what makes the
shelters, where residents face their own ambivalence about difference.
living in all-female environments. The homophobia of this I still have not found it in myself to forgive her. I someculture,
which teaches most people to fear and label as sick times think that if I forgive her that it will somehow make
or evil same-sex love, leads both residents and staff to worry me vulnerable to her again. I'll never trust her to put my
about identifying too closely with other women. rights ahead of her violent impulses.
As they live in shelters, sorting through their experiences,
battered women inevitably raise questions about what it
Emeans to be a woman. Heterosexual staff often join with arly on, when Blair and I were first putting out
them as they share their personal journeys, but lesbians, literature on the RUTH support group, we were
some of them former battered women, have been asked to asked, "So? Who's battering the lesbians?" Cringe. Some dykes tried to explain my own experience away by pointing out all the "stress factors" in my relationship. There
women abusing women, the discomfort and anger was an age difference. We were of different racial and
experienced by the community has, at times, been leveled class backgrounds. She was more educated than I ...
against the victim. perhaps we were unconsciously acting out "roles."
Ifa straight woman shows up with black eyes, swollen These arguments imply a belief that somewhere there
lips, and broken arms and a story about walking into is an understandable reason for battering. Enough stress,
doors, falling down stairs, whatever, anyone of us would enough complicating factors, enough "provocation" and
assume violence to be the true culprit. But when the same violence is bound to occur. No! We've learned better than
thing happens to our sister, we often don't see it. I was as that after all these years providing safe space for straight
guilty of this form of denial as anyone. women.
A word about the shelter community:
There are powerful forces here at work against the batLesbians
laid much ofthe groundwork ofthe feminist tered lesbian. They are called Shame and Denial. Not
theory around why and how violence against women only does the battered lesbian or gay man feel the same
occurs-some of which our own experience forces us to doubt and guilt associated with victimization, there is
revise, the main point being that we can no longer afford also the additional pressure caused by a community
to view violence as exclusively a male-against-female which has, up until recently, buried its collective head in
phenomenon, but rather as a control issue. As we began the sand. When pushed to confront the problem of
gaining more acceptance and support for the work ofpro14
Open Hands
~~!
V WOMEN'S SHELTERS
hide their choices. Not only is this painful for lesbian staff, but it means that battered women who want to explore lesbianism as a positive, self-affirming choice are given no support. The heterosexism and homophobia of the larger society are once again reinforced, and it becomes clear that sexual preference remains more than just a "personal choice."
/ Openly acknowledging that they are lesbians places individuals in vulnerable positions and some women advocate only selectively revealing their sexual and lifestyle preferences. Lesbians fear not only for their personal positions, but for that of the shelter in general. Frightened residents and angry communities still accuse shelters of "recruiting" battered women and their children to lesbian lifestyles. Some women assert that the battered women's movement Will lose public support and funding if it acknowledges the role oflesbians in the movement.
Increasingly, lesbians have organized to affirm their identities, break the enforced silences, and share their anger and
II
fear of attack. Sensitizing heterosexual women to lesbian concerns, including those of battered lesbians, and educating them about their role in combatting hom phobia, have been frequent conference efforts. More sensitizing workshops and consciousness raising groups are needed to explore sexuality, homophobia, and heterosexism.
If the battered women's movement, and heterosexual women within it in particular, recognize that lesbian energy galvanized a movement, saved women's lives, and provided creative, sustaining direction to programs and to a national struggle, some of the internal problems and right-wing
I'
attacks might dissipate. Women identified women-lesbian II and heterosexual-started shelters, and current activists I; must insure that the movement neither denies its history nor
the rights of women within it. 0
Excerpted from Women and Male VIOlence by Susan Schechter (Boston: --South End Press, 1982).
viding safe space for battered women in mainstream society, receiving various forms of public and private funding, we were forced to become more closeted in order to attract and maintain that mainstream community support. Many lesbians turned their positions over to straight workers. moving into loseted work or other women's issues. Then lesbians, experiencing violence in our own relationships, turned to these same safe-spaces that we had helped to create and were turned away. Somehow, in the transition from grassroots lesbian staff to mainstream straight staff, some basic information was lost. And we were forgotten.
In some cases, the shelter workers just did not know what to do with us. How is a battered lesbian or gay man different from a battered straight woman (or straight man)? How does one counsel a person of another lifestyle? Which issues are the same? Which are different?
Consequently, lesbians and gay men were without safe space and community resources for dealing with their situations or recovering from them. I know of many instances of lesbians and gays being denied help here in my city. My ex's previous lover, seeking shelter one night. afraid for her life, was turned away, ironically by the same institution that later employed my ex as a relief counselor while she was abusing me.
The stories go on: denial ofmedical assistance to a lesbian who was knifed by a woman she had left; police officers not bothering to make out a report on an assault case; sexual attacks within our own community; a lesbian psychotherapist who is known to have brutalized ten different women (some to the point of mutilation); a gay activist being threatened and terrorized by a former lover, years after breaking off the relationship.
And so the question remains: What do we do with the batterers in our community? What is our responsibility to our brothers and sisters who may become the next victim? What do we do about those individuals whom we know or suspect are batterers or battered? Are there creative, workable ways of attending to this problem in our communities?
We're learning not to cover up. And not to make excuses for the violence that occurs and not take responsibility for a batterer's actions. We are beginning to demand accountability from those who commit abusive acts.
I t's been quite a few years since I've dealt with this issue
on a community level and on a personal level. It all seemed quite behind me. Most of it is. I have recovered. for the most part. But in the last two weeks, I found myself writing in my journal (though I had not set out to) about the one incident at the end of my battering relationship when I finally acted in self-defense, leaving cuts and bruises. An incident about which I experienced an almost suicidal sense of shame and guilt. I hadn't realized that was something I carried like a sin. I had to work that one through, and it's five years later. Also, in the last few weeks, I've learned of two attacks in this area. And I cried when viewing The Burning Bed, reliving some of the fear, the helplessness, the loneliness, and the perception that death is the only way out.
I've noticed during the course ofthis writing an urge in me to give my ex "an out." Allow her an excuse for what happened. Part of me still doesn't believe that this happened. Part of me still fears retribution. But I'm not going to allow her or any abusive person an out. I want them all to be held accountable for their choices and their actions. 0
Donna Cecere is a native New Yorker, resides in Denver where she works in pharmacy and is active in the Colorado AIDS Project. Th is article is excerpted, with permission, from an essay by the same name in Naming the Violence: Speaking Out about Lesbian Battering. edited by Kerry Lobel for the National Coalition against Domestic Violence Lesbian Task Force (Seattle: The Seal Press, 1986). Copyright 1986 by the National Coalition against Domestic Violence.
Open Hands 15
THE
WOMEN
POF
OWER
SAND
PIRIT
By Peggy Hutchinson
VIOLATED OF
W en I first
began to listen to the stories of the women of Central America, I heard them as individual horror stories, as atrocities that had been committed against individual women. For each story there was a face and a name.
Rosa was a young Salvadoran student who slept in a different house every night in order to continue her involvement in a student organization. A single mother, there were many nights when she would not see her young daughter. This passionate young woman told me matter of factly of her friends who had been killed by the military of EI Salvador. Juana was one such woman. Juana was captured by Salvadoran soldiers while she was in her last months of pregnancy. Juana was later found with her stomach sliced open, her head severed from her body, and stuffed inside her gorging wound. Juana's bloody dead fetus lay next to her on the ground. Rosa, a friend of Juana's fled in fear to "el norte" after she learned that her name appeared on a death list.
Maria, a middle-aged catechist who worked for the Roman Catholic Church in EI Salvador, was grabbed
from the grocery store late one afternoon by the treasury police. For eight days Maria survived repeated rapes and torture by the military forces of her country: beatings to her breasts and knees with metal and wooden clubs, broomsticks rammed up her vagina, strangulation, and more. I still wonder today how Maria survived to tell her story after being thrown off a bridge from a speeding truck while tied and gagged.
16
C E N T R A LAM E RIC A:
Ramona, Sylvia, Alicia, and her newborn baby didn't live to tell their tales of terrorism. Their younger brother, a Guatemalan campesino, still sees the fire when he closes his eyes. He and his father had gone to work in the fields when the Guatemalan army entered the village in the late morning, raped the women, beat the baby to death, locked the screaming Ramona, Sylvia, and Alicia in their home, and torched it. When Carlos and his father saw the billowing smoke from the fields, they came running. It was too late to save their family.
Perhaps I felt a naive hope that the atrocities committed against these women were isolated acts. Surely, their experiences were not the norm. Painfully and sadly, I began to weave together the stories I was hearing. Though the specific incidents changed, a frighteningly similar pattern of violence emerged. This is what war means to the women in Central America. International human rights organizations (such as the International Red Cross, Americas Watch, and Amnesty International) have provided well-documented evidence of the horrors perpetrated against women of El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras by the military regimes of their nations. Additional terrorism against women of Nicaragua has also been uncovered by these international human rights organizations. Their rapes, mutilations, and murders, though, are not government sponsored, but are perpetrated by the U.S. backed "Contra" forces. For me, each reported statistic of torture isn't only a number, but is a name, a face, and a powerful, courageous spirit.
T here were times in the dusk of the mystical Sonoran desert-when the tapestry of blue, purple, violet, pink, and orange clouds danced across the fading horizonthat I thought I could listen no more to the stories of these brave women. I didn't want to hear about the countless varieties of torture used against Salvadoran women in the political prisons of EI Salvador. Or about the monthly massacres of Guatemalan Indian women and children living in the highlands. I didn't want to hear about the 500-pound fragmentation bombs paid for by U.S. tax dollars and dropped on innocent Salvadoran women and children. Or about what it felt like to have white phosphorus bombs, described as "flaming liquid," burn throughout one's body. I didn't want to hear about the Honduran children, with venereal disease sores in their young mouths, who had been lured into sexual relations by U.S. soldiers located a few miles from their village. My ears cried "no more!" as they were told of Honduran women who had been forced into prostitution so that their starving children could be fed.
As painful as the stories were for me to listen to, I was doing only that. . .listening. The survivors of these atrocities were the ones who mysteriously were able to comfort me. These uprooted, terrorized, tortured women had transcended the war that defined their very lives. From the wellspring of their soul they found strength and power to keep on fighting for life in all of its fullness. Time and time again I would ask myself, as I would ask my Central American sisters: "Do you still believe in a God of justice and liberation? Why do you still have hope?"
I am only beginning to grasp and fully understand the responses these women gave. They speak of love: love for life; love that is determined to defend life, even if that means sacrificing one's life for friends, family, and country. They speak of truth: of telling the truth about the reality of the wars in Central America, and how the United States is involved in the wars. They speak of resistance: of resistance to iron-fisted rulers and to exploitation. They speak of solidarity: a solidarity between the people of Central America and the people of North America that can bring justice and peace to their homelands. Finally, they speak of hope: a hope that transcends the daily brutalities from which they have fled; hope for .nations free from
war, violence, and hunger. Hope that lives on in the spirit of the people.
Some time ago, I met a Salvadoran refugee woman who at first I did not recognize. Later I realized she was Maria, the Salvadoran catechist described in this story. "Remember the saying from EI Salvador I shared with you?" she asked as we embraced. "Hope is the last part.of a person that dies." The tears streaming down our faces melted together. When I asked Maria what she was doing, she told me of her involvement in a Salvadoran Women's Federation organized to educate people in the U.S. Then she pulled out a stack of papers. "And," she said, ''I'm writing poetry."
Whenever I think of Maria, I think of her poem written to honor the Salvadoran mother. "Mother" ends this way:
Today, I said I'll look for you no longer, beloved son; Even though my heart is broken; May God grant me peace ofmind; So I may embrace as my own true child; That thing for which you're still fighting; And which you often told me was so beautiful; Which is called UBERTY! UBERTY! LIBERTY! 0
Peggy Hutchison is the director of the Border
Ministries Program ofthe Desert Southwest Conference ofthe UMC.
Open
Hands
17
MAKING CHANGES: ByM Burrill THE CHURCH RESPONSE
As we in the church deal with the persons and issues involved in sexual violence, we recognize the need for changing attitudes, behaviors, social structures, institutions, and policies. As persons offaith, we are called by a God ofjustice to start where we are and do what we can to bring about change. But we are often overwhelmed. The problems seem so huge and insurmountable, where/how can we make a difference? Where can one individual or one congregation begin to address sexual violence? A variety ofresponses are possible on the personal, professional clergy, and congregationallevels. Here are only a few ofthe possibilities.
I.INDMDUAL
Starting with ourselves and our own attitudes is a good beginning. We can read, be in dialogue with others, and become informed about the issues involved in sexual violence. By doing so, we can break the wall of silence and denial that often help us avoid our own discomfort. Sexual violence is more severe and more commonplace than most ofus realize. Increasing our own sensitivities helps us to be aware of the pain in the lives ofthose around us and allows us to offer ourselves as compassionate friends.
We can make sure our legislators and other elected officials are made aware of the true extent of sexual violence. Our legal system often shows a lack of sensitivity to victims. Funding for various programs to help survivors as well as offenders are often pushed towards the bottom of priority lists. Government officials need to be informed and reminded to give these issues more urgency.
In addition, we can find out what shelters or victim assistance networks operate in our communities and offer our assistance. Nearly all programs could use additional financial support as government funding only supplies a small portion of their needs. We can offer time as a volunteer. Many programs depend on volunteers for the services they offer and provide training for those volunteers.
II. PROFESSIONAL CLERGY
Whether a professional clergy person or just in a position to influence one, we can consider these options. Although all professional members ofchurch staffs need to be informed about sexual violence, clergy have a special role since they are often the first ones people turn to in times of crisis. We need to encourage the strengthening and/or formation of training programs in seminaries and continuing education workshops on the issues of pastoral care ofpersons involved in sexual violence. Such programs help clergy learn to recognize the signs of violence, help them become sensitive to the scope of the problem, and raise their awareness of the effects not only on the abuser and the survivor but also on the family and friends ofboth. In addition, this training can heighten awareness of the need for referral and of the community resources available for further assistance. Clergy can set an example and be instrumental in urging individuals and congregations to become informed and take action.
III. CONGREGATION
A congregation can do much to help erase sexual violence. Churches need to actively avoid silence on these issues. Every congregation has someone in its midst that is affected by sexual violence. When dealing with any group within the church we should always assume that at least one person's life in that group has been affected by sexual violence. Offering a supportive, caring atmosphere can go a long way towards helping survivors deal with their pain. Churches can speak openly in word and action that "church" is for all people not just the "nice" or the "acceptable" ones. We can begin the road to recovery by ending the isolation of silence and inacceptance.
Churches can be active participants in education. By sponsoring speakers and workshops, a church can increase individual and community awareness of the problems of sexual violence. Churches can encourage schools to design junior and senior high school curricula to address the issues of violence, abuse, and anger-management right alongside current courses in single living, household management, relationships, and parenting.
Churches can provide both monetary and volunteer support for shelters and assistance programs. Groups within the church might want to take on a specific program as a service project, like the Girl Scout troop that sponsored seasonal parties for children staying with their mothers at the local shelter for battered women.
Churches can add additional strength to the individual campaign for reform legislation and support for assistance networks by organizing letter-writing and lobbying efforts and encouraging other churches and community groups to do likewise.
Churches can offer their facilities for support groups much the same as many now provide space for Alcoholics Anonymous. A church could begin its own support group for survivors of sexual violence to reach those within the congregation as well as the community. A church could also begin a consciousness-raising group where the participants examine how we all in our attitudes and avoidance have become desensitized to the issues of sexual violence in particular and violence in general. Through this process, we come to recognize more fully how we are all a part of it and how we can move out ofparalyzing guilt into changing our attitudes, our behavior, and our society.
These suggestions for action are not exhaustive. They are a starting point, a place to begin our responding and changing. As we work together to eliminate sexual violence and, ultimately, all oppression and injustice, we are hastening the coming of the realm of God here on earth.
Some suggestions for this article are taken from William A. Stacey and Anson Shape, The Family Secret: Domestic Violence in America (Boston: Beacon Press, 1983), chapter 8, "A Look Ahead."
M. Burrill, a co-editor ofOpen Hands, is a Christian educator.
18 Open Hands
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Gerald W Holbrook is minister ofmusic at All Saints' Episcopal Church in Western Springs. fllinois. Carole Elizabeth is member ofCapitol Hill UMC, a Reconciling Congregation. in Seattle.
Open Hands 19
R ESOURCES
SEXUAL V IOLENCEGENERAL
Books, Pamphlets, and Articles
Burns, Maryviolet C., editor. The Speaking Profits Us: Violence in the Lives of Women of Color. Seattle: Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence, 1986. A monograph printed in English and Spanish containing articles about violence in the lives of Black, Native American, Asian, and Latina women.
Coppernoll, Lee, and Halsey, Peggy. Crisis: Women's Experience and the Church's Response. New York: General Board of Global Ministries, United Methodist Church, 1982. Reports on a national survey of United Methodists' experiences (personal, with family and friends, pastoral) with such crisis issues as rape, incest, battering, and child abuse. Demonstrates that church families are not immune to these crises. Includes poignant excerpts from letters that accompanied the survey responses, most of them telling of the role the church played at the time of the experiences.
Fortune, Marie M. Sexual Violence, the Unmentionable Sin: An Ethical and Pastoral Perspective. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983. Examines the social and religious roots of sexual violence and the consequences of silence. Develops the framework for an ethical stance on sexual violence, long absent from traditional Christian ethics. Focus is on rape and child sexual abuse, including incest.
General Board of Global Ministries, United Methodist Church. Ministries with Women in Crisis. New York, 1984. A program resource packet for church use containing reprints of articles and brochures on family violence, rape, child abuse, sexual violence in the media, and other issues.
Livezey, Lois Gehr. "Sexual and Family Violence: Growing Issue
20 Open Hands
for the Churches." The Christian Century. October 28, 1987. Condemns the church's almost-total silence on sexual violence. Proposes a "reconstruction of our theology" that clearly opposes sexual violence and violation and calls humanity to a commitment to interpersonal, as well as international, nonviolence.
Pellauer, Mary D.; Chester, Barbara; and Boyajian, Jane A, editors. Sexual Assault and Abuse: A Handbook for Clergy and Religious Professionals. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1987. An anthology covering a range of issues related to sexual violence, from recognizing patterns to understanding issues and responding with compassion. Includes section of resources for "ritual and recuperation" and a listing of national and state organizations.
Organizations
Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence. 1914 N. 34th St., Ste. 105, Seattle, WA 98103.206-634-1903.
Office of Ministries with Women and Families in Crisis. National Program Division, General Board of Global Ministries, United Methodist Church, 475 Riverside Dr., Ste. 333, New York, NY 10015. 212-870-3833.
Periodical
Working Together to Prevent Sexual and Domestic Violence. Quarterly news-journal of the Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence. $10/year.
D OMESTIC VIOLENCE
Books, Pamphlets, and Articles
Bingham, Carol F., Doorway to Response: The Role of Clergy in Ministry with Battered Women. Springfield, Ill.: Illinois Interfaith Committee against Family Violence, 1986. A manual designed to provide clergy with information they need to respond to the needs ofviolent families in their congregations and to become informed community spokespersons on the issue of violence in the home.
Bussert, Joy M.K Battered Women: From a Theology of Suffering to an Ethic of Empowerment. New York: Division for Mission in North America, Lutheran Church in America, 1986. Addresses the theological backdrop against which violence occurs, the dynamics of battering and the violent male, and the role of the religious right. Its "Call to the Church" is clear and unambiguous. Appendixes are particularly helpful, containing such resources as a sample workshop agenda, a local church action checklist, and a listing of all state Coalitions against Domestic Violence.
Fortune, Marie M. Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Women. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1987. Written especially for the abused Christian woman to remind her that God is present and that there are people of faith who understand her pain and will support her. An excellent little book for clergy to buy in quantity to give to abused women.
Lobel, Kerry, ed. Naming the Violence: Speaking Out about Lesbian Battering. Seattle: The Seal Press, 1986. An anthology by and for battered lesbians sponsored by the Lesbian Task Force of the National Coalition against Domestic Violence. Alternates perRESOURCES
sonal experiences of formerly battered lesbians with commentary by counselors, activists, and others who offer advice on treating victims and dealing with the issue.
Organizations
National Child Abuse Hotline. 1-800-422-4453.
National Coalition against Domestic Violence. P.O. Box 15127, Washington, DC 20003. 202-293-8860.
National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1-800-333-SAFE.
RAPE
Books, Pamphlets, and Articles
Brownmiller, Susan. Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1975. The classic work on rape. Provides broad-ranging historical, cultural, and psychological analyses.
Davis, Angela Y. Violence against Women and the Ongoing Challenge. New York: Kitchen Table, Women of Color Press, 1985. A brief look at the larger sociopolitical context of the contemporary epidemic of sexual violence and its relationship to racism.
Estrich, Susan. Real Rape. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1987. Examines cultural assumptions that men can force women to have sex against their will, especially if a man knows a woman. Argues that coercive sex must be classified as rape but shows how the legal system commonly treats such rape casually.
Griffin, Susan. Rape: The Politics of Consciousness. New York: Harper and Row, 3rd ed., 1986. An acclaimed consideration of the politics and history of rape, meshed with an explanation of the power of personal consciousness for overcoming both the fear of rape and rape itself.
Ledray, Linda E. Recovery From Rape. New York: Henry Holt, 1986. A comprehensive handbook for rape survivors and their families and friends by the director of the Minneapolis Sexual Assault Resource Service.
Organizations
National Coalition against Sexual Assault, Sexual Violence Center, 1222 W. 31 st St., Minneapolis, MN 55408. 612-824-2864.
ANTI-GAy/LESBIAN
V IOLENCE
Books, Pamphlets, and Articles
Howard, Evan Drake. "Extremism on Campus: Symbols of Hate, Symbols of Hope." The Christian Century. July 15, 1987. An examination of the increase in incidents of acts of violence against minorities on college campuses. Studies gay men and lesbians as the latest scapegouts.
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Anti-Gay Violence, Victimization, and Defamation in 1986. Washington, D.C., 1987. Statistical analysis of incidents of antigay/lesbian violence in 1986 reported to the task force's AntiViolence Project. _________. Dealing with Violence: A Guide for Gay and Lesbian People. Washington, D.C., 1986. Discusses basic facts and myths pertaining to antigay/lesbian violence, self-defense, dealing with victimization, working with the criminal justice system, dealing with police abuse, and community organizing.
Organizations
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Anti-Violence Project. 1517 U St. NW, Washington, DC 20009. 202-332-6483.
MEN AND VIOLENCE
Books
Beneke, Timothy. Men on Rape. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1982. A collection of interviews with men from all walks of life. Demonstrates that most men recognize rape as a crime committed out of deep-rooted anger-in other words, a crime of violence and aggression rather than of passion.
Sonkin, Daniel and Durphy, Michael. Learning to Live without Violence: A Handbook for Men. San Francisco: Volcano Press, rev. ed. 1985. A workbook detailing a step-by-step process for men who want to change their responses to anger within themselves. Suggests ways to respond to anger positively or to withdraw from anger-producing situations rather then risk becoming violent.
Organizations
National Organization for Changing Men. P.O. Box 451. Watseka, IL 60970.
RAVEN (Rape and Violence End Now). 665 Delmar St., Ste. 301, St. Louis, MO 63130.
Periodical
Changing Men. Twice-yearly journal studying "issues in gender, sex, and politics." 306 N. Brooks St., Madison, WI 53715. $16/two years. 0 ~
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Open Hands 21
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P R_EPOR_T__
ANNUAL CONFERENCEREPORTS
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RECONCILING CONFERENCES
Three annual conferences of the United Methodist Church (UMC) voted to become "Reconciling Conferences" this past summer. The new Reconciling Conferences are Troy (northeastern New York and Vermont), New York, and California-Nevada, bringing the total to four annual conferences which have declared that they welcome the full participation of lesbians and gay men. The Northern Illinois annual conference defeated an effort to rescind its Reconciling Conference action in 1986.
Since the content of the three Reconciling Conference resolutions is very similar, we present the text of one of them:
WHEREAS Jesus taught that we are called to
be good neighbors to all persons WHEREAS par. 7lF of the Social Principles reads in part: "Homosexual persons are individuals of sacred worth, who need the ministry and guidance of the Church in their struggles for human fulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship which enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self ...n
AND WHEREAS United Methodists might misconstrue par. 402.2 of The Book ofDiscipline as forbidding gay men and lesbians from participating in the ministry and mission of the United Methodist Church;
THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the New York annual conference urge each local church to consider becoming a Reconciling Congregation through participation in the Reconciling Congregation Program which affirms the full participation of all persons, regardless of sexual identity in the life of their congregations,
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the New York annual conference declare itself a Reconciling Conference, affirming the full participation of lesbians and gay men in the life of this annual conference.
We welcome the thousands of United Methodists in these three annual conferences to the reconciling movement.
22 Open Hands
PETITIONS TO GENERAL
CONFERENCE
Lesbian/gay issues have been one of the predominate concerns of the past three UM general conferences. (The General Conference is the quadrennial official decision-making gathering of the UMC.) Based upon the petitions sent to the 1988 General Conference from the more than 70 annual conferences this summer, issues related to lesbians and gay men will again be on the forefront of the agenda.
The actions of the past three general conferences have generally reflected the homophobia within the UMC and have been exclusionary of lesbians and gay men. Indicative ofthe fears about lesbian/gay concerns existing in the UMC, anti-lesbian/gay persons and groups sought annual conference petitions which would preclude any General Conference actions appearing to reach out to lesbians and gay men. In a highly unusual procedure, 18 annual conferences petitioned the General Conference to make no changes in UMC law regarding lesbians and gay men.
Despite these attempts to display a movement of anti-lesbian/gay sentiment in the UMC, many other annual conferences struggled with their perceived call to be in ministry with all persons, while recognizing the pervasive homophobia in the church. Some of these annual conferences approved petitions clearly affirming lesbian/gay participation in the UMC, while others tried to reach a compromise.
Regarding the Social Principles statement which reads that "we do not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching," the Wissentence be replaced with:
At this point in history, although there are many differing views, we are not prepared to declare that homosexuality is a practice which is or is not compatible with Christian teachings. Because of the despair and self-devaluing attitude of many gay persons, we can no longer afford to make a statement of condemnation. Instead, we need to consistently affirm the sacred worth of all persons.
On the UMC ban on ordination of "self-avowed practicing homosexuals," the California-Nevada and Wisconsin annual conferences recommended removing the ban. The Rocky Mountain annual conference approved an umbrella petition brought by the mediation team which has sought to resolve the division there regarding gay pastor Julian Rush. Because it could not resolve the disparate views of the team members regarding homosexuality, the mediation team proposed 6 different petitions representing its full range of views. The individual petitions range from full inclusion of lesbians and gay men in the clergy to the banning of homosexual persons from any office in the UMC.
The largest number of annual conference actions were related to the general church ban on funding any gay group or other program which would "promote the acceptance of homosexuality." (This law was invoked for the first time to veto a $1,000 grant to the convocation of Reconciling Congregations in March 1987.) Troy, Wisconsin, California-Nevada, and Pacific Northwest recommended deletion of the paragraph from The Discipline. Missouri East and Northern Illinois recommended amending the paragraph to ensure that study and dialogue would not be curbed.
A general church task force to
consin, Pacific Northwest, and study lesbian/gay issues was recomCalifornia-Nevada annual conferenmended by the California-Nevada ces requested removal of this sentence. annual conference.
__RC_PR_EPOR_T~~~
AIDS-RELATED MINISTRIES
Reflecting the growing concern about AIDS by United Methodists, at least 28 annual conferences adopted plans or resolutions regarding AIDS and ministry to persons with AIDS. A sample of some of the resolutions adopted include:
-encouraging local churches to study the disease and develop ministries (Maine. Western North Carolina. Central Pennsylvania. Southwest Texas. Kansas West. Louisville):
-creating a conference task force. AIDS ministry committee. or speaker's bureau (California-Pacific. Rocky Mountain. Iowa. and Callifornia-Nevada):
-adopting an AIDS education and awareness program (Western Pennsylvania):
-banning discrimination against UMC employees with AIDS (Pacific Northwest)
-encouraging protection ofcivil rights of persons with AIDS (Eastern Pennsylvania and South Carolina):
-providing church space for AIDS support and bereavement groups (New York):
-supporting efforts for increased AIDS research and education (North Carolina and South Carolina):
-considering the establishment of an AIDS hospice (Northern New Jersey):
-opposing or questioning government plansfor mandatory AIDS testing (Southwest Texas and Northern New Jersey).
CONFERENCE STUDIES ON HOMOSEXUALITY
The Northern Illinois and Wyoming (northeastern Pennsylvania) annual conferences adopted plans to engage in conference-wide studies on homosexuality. The text of these two resolutions follows.
WHEREAS much time and energy is spent maintaining partisan positions on questions relating to homosexuality, and
WHEREAS proponents ofopposing positions can present facts to substantiate their views which is why the issue is debatable, and '
WHEREAS carefully reasoned testimony by recognized scholars can be helpful in discerning the truth, and
WHEREAS this information would be helpful to General Conference delegates and Annual Conference members when voting on such issues,
NOW THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that Bishop May appoint an ad hoc committee, whose goal shall be to select recognized scholars able to present typical conservative and liberal positions to Annual Conference members and General Conference delegates, at times and places to be determined by the committee, and that a report of these presentations and the results be reported to the 1988 Annual Conference.
AND BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that interested persons may volunteer to serve on this committee, but the final composition shall be determined by Bishop May.
-Wyoming Annual Conference
WHEREAS Bishop DeWitt, in the Bishop's address on Wednesday, June 3, reported that the issue of homosexuality has caused more correspondence to arrive on his desk than any other; and
WHEREAS Bishop DeWitt feels the discussion about homosexuality could become the most divisive issue in the Northern Illinois Conference; and
WHEREAS Bishop DeWitt made an impassioned plea for reconciliation with all people; and
WHEREAS Bishop DeWitt asked for a commission to be formed about homosexuality;
THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the Annual Conference establish a "Commission on Homosexuality and the Church" to begin dialogues in each district, specifically with laypersons and clergy from each church.
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the commission define the issue of how the churches in the Northern Illinois Conference will deal with those persons who are homosexual, utilizing John Wesley's quadrilateral rule: 1) scripture, 2) reason, 3) tradition, and 4) experience, as a basis for furthering dialogue.
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Conference Nominations Committee compose a commission (not to exceed 18 persons) composed of 50% clergy and 50% laity with a special sensitivity to be inclusive of racial, theological, geographical, and gender diversity.
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the commission will be convened by a member of the commission not later than September 1987 and be instructed to make an interim report to the Annual Conference in June 1988.
-Northern Illinois Annual Conference
We recognize the many members of the Methodist Federation for Social Action and Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns for their steadfast resolve in advocating the church's ministry to all persons.
OTHER NEWS
NATIONAL M ARCH FOR
LESBIAN/GAY RIGHTS
Along with an estimated 500,000 persons, 100 members from Reconciling Congregations and Affirmation joined in the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights on October
11. Carrying red and gold ballons and several banners, including a 14-foot high "Lady Liberty," the troupe was recognized as one ofthe more '"festive" groups in the religious organization section of the march. Reflecting a Wesleyan heritage, the group sang several spirituals and gospel hymns, as well as contemporary movement songs, as they were marching. One high point for the marchers was singing '"Jesus Loves Me" before a small group of anti-lesbian/gay hecklers in front of the White House.
The feeling of empowerment from the overwhelming size and the spirit of the march was one of the most commonly articulated experiences of the day. Wave after wave of marchers continued to pour onto the Mall for nearly five hours. An impassioned energy and unequivocal demand for full rights for lesbians and gay men was transmitted throughout one of the largest civil rights gatherings ever held in this country.
Affirmation members in the D.C. area hosted a dinner and worship service that evening. More than 125 persons gathered at Christ UMC, a Reconciling Congregation, to celebrate the inclusive Body of Christ. Rose Mary Denman, lesbian pastor recently suspended from her pastoral duties in the Maine Conference, was the speaker for the worship service. Her story of her struggle to uphold her personal integrity along with her calling to pastoral ministry reminded the gathered community of the injustice lesbians and gay men continue to face in the church. (continued)
Open Hands 23
RCPREPORT
AFFIRMATION PLANS FOR GENERAL CONFERENCE
Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns has announced plans for its presence at the General Conference of the UMC, which begins April 26, 1988, in St. Louis. Members of Reconciling Congregations and other concerned individuals are invited to participate in activities to remind the denomination of its ministry with lesbians and gay men.
Affirmation's activities will include: -distribution of a platform statement reflecting Affirmation's vision for the church; -a daily newsletter to be distributed to delegates and guests; -daily showings of the videotape from the convocation of Reconciling Congrega tions; -performance of contemporary hymns proclaiming the biblical mandate for inclusiveness and service; -a special worship service, which will include the memorializing of persons who have died from AIDS;
-street theater on peace and justice;
-a dinner to recognize representatives ofthe movement for justice for all God's people; -a hospitality suite for delegates and guests.
Comfortable, low-cost housing is being arranged in close proximity to the conference site for those assisting in these activities. For more information on these activities or to volunteer your assistance, write to Affirmation, P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204, or contact the RCP office.
NEW RESOURCES
FROM THE RCP
A new brochure promoting Open Hands is being mailed with this issue. We encourage you to share a copy with a friend and invite them to subscribe. Additional copies of the brochure for distribution are available at no charge.
A revised "How to Become a
24 Open Hands
Reconciling Congregation" is now available. This four-page paper offers suggestions and guidelines for individuals and congregations beginning the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation.
A resource packet for prospective Reconciling Congregations is now being developed by volunteers from Dumbarton UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C.. The packet should be available by April 1988.
OTHER HApPENINGS
IN THE MOVEMENT
D Two more congregations became Reconciling Congregations in late October-University UMC in DeKalb, Illinois, and St. Mark's UMC in New Orleans, Louisiana. In addition, several more congregations will be voting during charge conferences in November. Introductions to all the new Reconciling Congregations will be in the next issue of Open Hands.
D Two regional or conference-wide task forces on the RCP are now meeting regularly. In the Bay Area (California) and Washington state, these task forces include representatives from current and prospective Reconciling Congregations. The task forces serve to provide resources and support for individuals and congregations engaged in reconciling ministries.
D A workshop, ''The Sacred Worth," held in the Los Angeles area on October 3 drew more than 30 participants to share and plan for ministries with lesbians and gay men.
D A workshop on the RCP and similar programs in other denominations was held at the national convention of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) in Washington, D.C., on October 25. An enthusiastic group of 50 persons participated in the workshop.
D A special grant of$6,000 from the Chicago Resource Center was received in September to assist in promotional efforts for Open Hands. We also give thanks to the Northern Illinois Conference for a grant of $1,000 for further editing of the RCP videotape and to Sisbros, a collective of concerned United Methodists in the Evanston, Illinois, area, for a gift of$I,500 to support the RCP.
RECONCILING
CONGREGATIONS
W~shington Squ.re UMC
c/o Don Himpel
135 W. 4th Street
New York, NY 10012
hrk Slope UMC
c/o Beth Bentley
6th Avenue &8th Street
Brooklyn, NY 11215
C~Iv~ry UMC
c/o Chip Coffman
815 S. 48th Street
Philadelphia, PA 19143
Dumb.1rton UMC
c/o Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20007
Christ UMC
c/o John Hannay
4th and I Streets, SW
Washington, DC 20024
St. John's UMC
c/o Howard Nash
2705 St Paul Street
Baltimore, MD 21218
Gr~nt hrk-A1dersg~te UMC
c/o Sally Daniel
575 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312
Edgehill UMC
c/o Hoyt Hickman
1502 Edgehill Avenue
Nashville, TN 37212
Centr~1 UMC
c/o Chuck larson 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610
University UMC
c/o Steven Webster
1127 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715
WesleyUMC
c/o Tim Tennant-Jayne Marquette at Grant Streets Minneapolis, MN 55403
University UMC
c/o Dave Schmidt 633 W. Locust DeKalb, IL 60115
Whe~don UMC
c/o Carol larson 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201
Alb.1ny hrk UMC
c/o Ted Luis, Sr. 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625
Irving hrk UMC
c/o David Foster 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641
lYiros UMC
c/o Richard Vogel 6015 McGee Kansas City, MO 64113
St. M~rk's UMC
c/o David Schwarz 1130 N. Rampart Street New Orleans, LA 70116
St. hul's UMC
c/o George Christie 1615 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218
WesleyUMC
c/o Patty Orlando 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Fresno, CA 93710
Bet~nyUMC
c/o Kim Smith 1268 Sanchez Street San Frandsco, CA 94114
Trinity UMC
c/o Arron Auger 152 Church Street San Frandsco, CA 94122
A1b.1ny UMC
c/o Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706
Trinity UMC
c/o Elli Norris 2320 Dana Street Berkeley, CA 94704
Sunnyhills UMC
c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035
St. hul's UMC
c/o Dianne L Grimard '01 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688
Wallingford UMC
c/o Chuck Richards 2115 N. 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103
~pitol Hill UMC
c/o Mary Dougherty '28 Sixteenth Street East Seattle, WA 98112
RECONCILING CONFERENCES
~Iifomia-Nev~da New York Northern Illinois Troy (e~stem N_ York sute and Vermont)