66 20 2618 https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/41563c386658dc06362f86c1731b3923.pdf 127ba69c6f91b987aedf999ac563c349 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 1 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1986 Publication Date The date the issue was published Spring Text Any textual data included in the document VOL. 1, NO.4 0 JOURNAL OF THE RECONCILING CONGREGATION PROGRAM 0 SPRING 1986 INSIDE THIS ISSUE: The Family of God .... .................. .. 3 by Ben Roe Counseling with Gay and Lesbian Couples .... . . ....... .... ........... ..... . . 13 by Dorothy Gager Scenes from a Journey .. . . . 6 by Frank Smith fV The Reconciling Congregation Program is a VOL. 1, NO.4 0 JOURNAL OF THE RECONCILING CONGREGATION PROGRAM 0 SPRING 1986 network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations fi nd strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. These congregations strive to offer the hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Manna for the Journey. Enablers are available locally to assist a congregation which is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Manna for the Journey is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian and Gay Concerns as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It seeks to address concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. Contributing to This Issue Mark Bowman Ben Roe Judy Cayot Martha Rutland-Mary Gaddis Wallis Dorothy Gager Bradley Rymph Jeanne Knepper Elizabeth Smith Alice Knotts Frank Smith Fred Methered Mike Underhill Julie Morrissey Graphic artist: Beth Richardson Brenda Roth Manna for the Journey is published four times a year. Subscription is $10 for four issues. Single copies are available for $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: Manna for the Journey P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Copyright 1986 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian and Gay Concerns. Contents The wordfamily originates from a Sanskrit word meaning household. Family means all the people living in the same household. As a family of God, we are a multicolored, multigifted, unique collection of households. Each of us are children of God, which makes us a part of that larger unit: the household of God. Our families are diverse. We are families with gay, lesbial), and bisexual children. We are families with gay or lesbian parents. We are families of gay or lesbian lovers or partners. We are families of single adults living together. We are single parents and parents living apart from our children. We are married and divorced and single and young and old. We celebrate, in this issue of Manna/or the Journey, the diversity of our families, and thus the family of God. Ben Roe opens with a theological reflection on "The Family 0/God" (p. 3~. Three articles reflect on the experience of coming out in a family situation. In "Scenes on a Journey" (p .. 6), Frank Smith shares his learning and growth as the father of a lesbian. Elizabeth Smith responds t9 his story in a "Letter to Dad" (p. 8). Fred Methered's "Out-At Last" (p. 15) reflects upon his coming out in the later years of his life. Judy Cayot and Mike Underhill write about their personal experiences as lesbian and gay parents. "Joys and Frustrations 0/a Lesbian Parent" (p. 9), by Cayot, tells of her family's transition to a new lifestyle, their journey together to be a family that is nonhomophobic and open. Underhill deals with the cultural tensions of being a gay father in "Nurturing Children: A Gay Father's Perspective" (p. 11). "Counseling with Gay and Lesbian Couples " (p. 13) by Dorothy Gager, reflects on the similarities and differences in therapy with gay and lesbian clients. Martha Rutland-Wallis presents an overview of the local church's "Opportunities/or Ministry" to the special families that include gay men, lesbians, and bisexual persons (p. 17). Also in this issue is a short bibliography of books helpful for ministry with families in RESOURCES (p. 24). In SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT (p. 19), Jeanne Knepper and Alice Knotts offer a liturgical reflection on Pentecost for a family setting. (Both are Ph.D. students in religion and social change at Iliff School of Theology and the University of Denver, where Knepper is currently chairperson of the Iliff Community Senate and Knotts is a national vice-president of the Methodist Federation for Social Action from the Rocky Mountain chapters. They are both parents, each with a 12-year-old daughter.) The RCP REPORT brings us up to date on the activities of the Reconciling Congregation Program, as well as current events in gay and lesbian issues in the church (p. 21). May this issue on "Our Families" open doors for the nurture and care of our diverse households. Peace to you in this season. ISSN 0884-8327 2/Mal/flO for the Jow7Iey when homosexuality becomes by Ben Roe strengthened, knowledge expanded, known. The truth of who a gay or lesbian person is can clash severely with favored notions about sex. uality, morality, and spirituality. Sometimes the notions win, and the gay, lesbian, or bisexual son or daughter must find family elsewhere. As one of my friends puts it, what could have been family becomes only relatives. So lesbian and gay people often have to take a hard look at what "family" means. . Non-gay/lesbian family members also face painful difficulties. The social stigma faced by lesbian/ gay folk is also shared to a degree. When gay persons come out to family, many families go into the closet, often having no one to share their struggle with, feeling the same isolation theiilesbian/gay ,family member felt. Often a family's reaction follows the traditional grief process. After all, there is usually a sense of loss: of an image, expectation, interpretation, dream, hope. Different and adjustments made so that each families react differently, some Ben Roe is a United Methodist minister. pasfamily member comes out a true more intensely than others. Denial, toral counselor, educator, and executive director winner. There is a closeness, openas the first stage of grief, can last ofMinistry in Human Sexuality, a counseling, ness, and honest caring that facilyears, even after disclosure occurs: education, and advocacy agency in Lincoln, itates growth in everyone. "Family," "Oh no! You can't be gay!" Shock is Nebraska. then ideally means a high quality common: "We've lost our child." of interpersonal relationships. INumbness and confusion are n my work as a pastoral counThis kind of "Walton's Mounnormal. selor, I see over and over the tain" or "Cosby Show" family is Bargaining is another common importance of the family in rare, I suspect, and most of us have reaction or stage: "Is our child our lives. at least some "unfinished business" (brother/sister) really gay?" "You It is in the close quarters and relating to some aspect of our own need a psychiatrist to change you." close daily contacts of the family in family of origin. Bribery and threats are sometimes which we grow up that we learn The contrast between the ideal used to try to bargain away the how to live and relate with other reality. people. It is there that we learn how and the reality ofa given family can be extremely painful. Alcoholism Anger is also common as part of to look at the world, how to comand other chemical dependency; this process: "If you loved us, municate, and what to expect from physical, emotional, and sexual you'd ..." "You're only doing this to life and other people. abuse; and mental illness all have hurt us." Families can be the kind of dynamics that make the reality of a Sadness or depression may model human community that given family's life particularly painneed to be moved through, as well. generates emotional and spiritual ful. Instead of preparing each A family member can feel the sadhealth. Such families are loving, member for more full and effective ness of the losses. Perhaps there optimistic, and warm. They have participation in life, a family may will be sharing of the painful that "just right" balance of hucompromise growth potentials, unrealities that can go with being gay manness-not too perfect, but "good dermine and sap coping resources, or lesbian. Perhaps there will be enough." They are perfectly human, or fail to facilitate their developdifficulties with other family modeling forgiveness, grace, and ment altogether. members. flexibility when mistakes are made, The pain of real-life family exFortunately, in many or most and showing commitment to strugperience is often accentuated with cases, there eventually is a growing gling through differences to resoluthe issue of homosexuality. Ifopensense of acceptance: "Yes, my son/ tion. These are the families where ness and honesty were present brother is gay," or "My daughter/ each challenge is met, coping skills before, they may simply disappear (continued on next page) Manna for the Jowney / 3 will is desired and done. The Family' of God (continued) finally turning more intentionally sister is lesbian," maybe including In Galatians 4, Paul uses the to forms of worship, prayer, and image of adoption as sons and a sense of pride at the accommeditation. Finally, we find ourplishments in the face of some daughters of God in describing selves recognizing a sense of sonadversity. how the relationship with God ship or daughtership-co-creatorchanges for believers. I like to think ship. The biological, legal, and social of the change being one of invitaThere are many instances where tion, acknowledgement, and weldefinition of "family," howthe faithful in an established relicome: potentially all people can live gion either had difficulty accepting, ever,is not the,wholeistory.\There1is as sons and daughters ofthe Creator. or refused to accept, those outside a psychologicaJ and spiritual meaning of "family" that can be helpful. their definition, their particular The invitation is constantly exunderstanding, of religion or famAnd, for Christian believers, there tended. The only thing needed to be welcome in God's family is for one ily. There were the outcasts who is an additional, profoundly rich to recognize God's parenthood and responded to Jesus: the tax collecmeaning to "family." one's sonship or daughtership. tor disciple, the Samaritan woman There is a vast difference beat the well, the leper who desired tween the idea of "family" as Over and over Paul's message is healing, the woman pouring expennuclear (father, mother, children that there is no way to win favor sive oil over Jesus' feet, and Zacliving together) and the family in with God: the only thing required is to allow the Spirit to "move in us" chaeus. Jesus didn't turn aside. He Hebrew culture. The family was a enabling us to respond to God's engaged each in the way that was central part of Hebrew culture, including many beyond blood relmost healing for each. The Bible love. atives: slaves, foreigners, hired serGod's initiative and our respeaks of those excluded in society vants. The family was so meaningsponse to God is the key to membeing included in God's family. bership in this family. ful that it was used as an image for God's love reaches out to include This family is not based on both the tribes and nations of Israel those exiled by their society. There and Judah and for Israel's covenant accomplishment, appearance, good are also numerous times God has grades, or "merit" of any kind. challenged us to expand our definicommunity with God. Jesus' use of the word "Father" God's family is based on acknowltion of faith. This inclusion ofthe "excluded" to refer to God implied a new closeedgement of God's being our loving creator, a creator who cares for us ness, "simplicity and directness of in family can have special meaning as a parent for a child, and God's for gay and lesbian folk. The rejecapproach to God"* and took the Jewish use of "Father" to a new being co-creator with those who retion they often experience is not spond. This family is characterized just of behavior, like a troublesome depth of relationship and intimacy. by a high quality of relationship. adolescence or difficulties with Jesus" use of I "my Father's This family begins with God's parents or job, but of a basic part of house" in Luke 2, for instance imlove always being there for usidentity- the way a person is. mediately deepened and expanded constant, urging, coaxing, inviting The resolution of problems the meaning of the family of God, us into a more open, active relaopen to non-gay/lesbian people is particularly in the context of the tionship. We experience momennot open to gay/lesbian people: yearly "family outing," the visit to tary self-affirmation and recognize once one's homosexual (or bisexthe temple. it as a gift of true grace, and we ual) orientation is disclosed, cerIn our times of greater concern might utter a little "Thank you, tain options of employment are for equality ofwomen and men, we God." Paul would say this is God's closed, no matter how hard one need to note that it is the depth, spirit moving us to call out "Abbaworks (such as ordained ministry intimacy, and closeness that is Father," or "Mother" or simply or teaching). One can never be important in the term "Father," not "God." integrated into what John Forthe gender of the term. Now, for tunato calls the "mythic system"some, "Mother" could also connote the idea that we are in control of This is the beginning of faith, this closeness. our own lives-that if we work For Jesus, the idea of the family when we are enabled to interhard, and do the right things, we pret our experience of self-affirmais not biological. Matthew 12:47-50 can be in charge, get more power, tion as a gift of grace. From there contains the story of Jesus gesturwe can be on an ascending spiral: more money, more rewards. ** ing to his disciples, saying, "These And so lesbians, gay men, and we wonder about where that grace are my mother and my brothers their families must go deeper in came from, we wonder if God was and sisters. Whoever does God's somehow involved, then we decide will is my brother, sister, and to look into it more or be open mother." And, in Luke 8:21, Jesus *The Interpreter's Dictionary of the Bible more. We might decide to pass on declares, "Those who hear the word (Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1962), vol. 2, p. the grace in a small way. And our of God and act upon it are my 433. action helps confirm our beginning mother, sister, and brother." Family **John Fortunato, Embracing the Exile: Healfaith. We recognize God's involvebecomes based on a close relationing Journeys of Gay Christians (New York: ment in our lives in many ways, Seabury Press, 1982). ships with God, so close that God's 4 / Manna for the JOu/lIey faith, in claiming a place in the broadest family of all, the family of God. What would it look like for a church to be this kind of family? John Fortunato suggests: When you are sitting and looking into the face of the mystery, when you are overcome with awe and gratitude and joy for the overwhelming everythingness ofGod, and you feel like an empty vessel being filled to oveiflowing with love, the sexual preference of the person next to you is just nothing. It doesn't matter at all. What matters is that you are both there, looking, worshipping, and being loved by love. Anything else is a distraction. (p. 108) Translating that into our day-today experience as a Christian community, it would mean: • a sensitivity to a member having difficulty, without rushing either to judge or "fix" the problem; • listening actively, sensitively, and lovingly for the person to grow in their faith a bit more; • a deep level of acceptance of each member at his or her own particular point in the personal faith journey; • actively looking for the gifts and graces of each person and actively recognizing and appreciating them, not for what the person does or doesn't do, but for who the person is; • actively seeking to learn about the difference among people and how the Gospel can be spoken to them; • learning about the different stages of faith development, so that folks could be met where they are. In order for our churches to be more this kind of family, we might have to challenge some of the assumptions our culture hasabout the place of faith, religion, and spirituality and about the diversity of the gift of sexuality and its expression. But these things are already part of what ·is the best in our tradition, and things that express the best of our Christian spirit. - Homosexuality: A Family Issue "I'\is letter from the November 1984 issue ofengage/social action expresses well ~ the purpose for this issue ofManna for the Journey. The church has often failed in its ministry to families that have concerns related to homosexuality. What would it take to fill the void ofmissed opportunity for ministry? I liked your issue on the family very much, and am so thankful to see the "mainline" church taking the offensive and claiming a positive family ministry. I am as tired as anyone of the Religious Right claiming the exclusive use to the word "family." I especially appreciated the variety of concerns, including economics, day care, adult dependent care, etc. In an earlier issue, you reviewed the issue of homosexuality as it was raised at the General Conference. For a long time, I have believed that this issue might be looked atfirst andforemost by mainline churches as a family issue. This is the important point that Parents & Friends of Gays & Lesbians tries not to tire of making. The Religious Right always attempts to pit the cause of the rights of gays and lesbians over against the cause of family and unity and hannony. This is a very destructive strategy and, unfortunately, often a successful one. The ministry to the family vis-a-vis homosexuality seems particularly relevant to the sections of the General Conference statement on "Ministries Within Families and Between Family Members" and "Ministries to Families in Need." In the long laundry list of possible situations and problems, the family issues related to homosexuality are glaringly missing (I am not unaware ofjust why that might be). My parents are United Methodists. I wish that their local church, which they have loved and served for more than 30 years, could have been of real comfort and genuine help to them as they struggled through the truth of my gayness. But instead, it isolated them, increased their fears, and left them to fend for themselves on this issue. It has taken us nearly 10 years to repair our otherwise warm and secure relationship-and we had to do it without the help of the United Methodist Church. That is tragic. I am sure that in the church they belong to, there are dozens, even scores, of other parents of gays and lesbians who might have been able to really help each other mend and grow. What a tremendous loss for them and for the whole church. This is not even to mention the fact that gays and lesbians grow up and make families of our own-some fairly traditional, some not. Probably before we could ever even begin to be welcomed, the church needs to welcome hearing the needs of those parents and siblings who suffer in isolation. On a positive note, the church could learn tremendous things from folks like my parents. The story of how our family got torn up and healed in dealing with this issue is a miracle story, one of hope, reconciliation, love and courage. The church could learn how to embrace gays and lesbians by learning from families who have embraced their gay sons and daughters. That is an incredible resource right under our noses that we are not daring enough to use. I'm proud of both my families-the one who nurtured me as a child, and who stuck with me through transitions; and my new family, a relationship (seven years strong) with a woman and a world-wide Metropolitan Community Church family. It is my hope and prayer that the church will continue to struggle to be able to embrace the gifts of family experiences like mine and millions of other folks. The Rev. Nancy Wilson, Los Angeles, CA Reprinted by permission from engage/social action. November 1984. pp. 45-46. lV/alllla for the ' OUl71ey /5 · . Frank Smith is the pastor o/Grace United Methodist Church in Miami, Florida. We were stunned. My wife read the letter and then handed it to me without saying a word. Our daughter, Elizabeth, who was a student at New York University, had written a long letter explaining that she was a lesbian. We were shocked, hurt, confused, mortified. It was as though our personhood and character had been attacked, if not destroyed. She was our oldest child, bright and eager, had been interested in medicine since she was a child, and would be getting her B.S. in Nursing and her R.N. We loved her and were proud of her. And then that letter: We felt wiped out, not knowing which way to turn. Even so, something told me that we should call Elizabeth right then and assure her of our love. We did so, but the conversation was extremely awkward. The words were terribly halting. Nevertheless, I felt a little better afterwards. At least the lines of communication were open. Elizabeth came home soon after that, and the three of us spent an evening talking. The air was charged. Each of us was angry. It was as though she expected us to understand fully and completely accept her position right then and there! And her mother and I responded by saying all the wrong things. We wanted to know why she couldn't be "'normal." Where had we as parents gone wrong? And so on. She gave us books to read. I felt imposed upon. One of the books was Sappho Was a Right-On Woman. It was about lesbian bars and assignations there and about hard, tough women. The book turned my stomach, and it was all I could do to get through it. All the time though, I assured myself that surely this wasn't our Elizabeth! She must be testing us. She also gave us a brochure about an organization called Parents of Gays (POG). I read it and laid it aside. Months later, I read the leaflet again and decided to visit the group nearest me. By this time, my wife and I had separated (not because of . Elizabeth), and I had moved from our suburban home in New Jersey to an apartment in Manhattan. The New York Parents of Gays met on Sunday afternoon at Metropolitan Duane United Methodist Church in Greenwich Village. There were about 20 or 30 people there, mostly parents, including two or three gay men and a few sons and daughters. One father, a doctor, also there for the first time, was convinced that homosexuality was a psychological problem that could and should be cured. Others tried to help him accept his son's homosexuality as natural. I didn't agree with the doctor, but neither was I comfortable with the idea of homosexuality being perfectly natural. I went back to POG several times, once with Elizabeth. The meeting we attended together was just prior to the annual Gay Pride Parade in Manhattan. POG was going to march in the parade, and those who were willing to participate were asked to raise their hands. My hand did not go up. Before the week was over, though, I called Elizabeth and told her I had decided to march. I expected her to be elated, but she was very matter-of-fact and said perhaps she would see me there. When the parade was forming in the Village and we were getting ready to march up Fifth Avenue, along came Elizabeth and her lover Annie bounding up. They hugged and kissed me and joined the Parents' group. The three of us marched arm-in-arm up Fifth Avenue. In the Village, there were large crowds of young adults who applauded and cheered the Parents' group. Along the way, we gave out POG literature, and many of these young people were delighted to get a brochure to send to their parents. After that day, I participated in several other Gay Pride Parades in New York, though there never was another one quite as exhilarating as that first with Elizabeth and Annie. I have to be honest and admit though it was much easier for me to participate in Gay Pride Parades in the relative anonymity of New York City, where I served as a General Board of Global Ministries staff person, than it would be now as a pastor in Miami. About this time, another significant event happened. Joan Clark, a staff person in the Women's Division of the General Board, had made public statements about her lesbianism. Consequently, several members of the General Board were pushing for her dismissal from the staff. At a spring meeting 6 / Manna for the Journey by Frank Smith of the General Board, Clark's situation was debated, and it was voted that she be dismissed from her position. During the meeting, while the Women's Division was going through that difficult process, I met one of their directors (a good friend of mine) in the hall. She spoke of the ordeal they were experiencing, and I shared very briefly with her that I was experiencing some of that pain and growth myself. A few days later, back in my office, I received a phone call from a Women's Division staff person saying that they were going to hold two workshops on human sexuality in which homosexuality would be discussed. She further asked me to serve as a resource person. I was astounded! I replied that I had only recently begun what I was sure would be a long journey and that I had no wisdom or expertise to share. She persisted, however, and I reluctantly agreed. A few days later she called back and asked if I thought Elizabeth would be willing to participate. I was pleased-in fact, excited-when Elizabeth said she would. When Elizabeth and I arrived at the Catholic Retreat Center in the Bronx, where the first workshop was to be held, she said to me, "I feel like I'm going into a lion's den!" I said, "No, it won't be like that." And it wasn't. Our part on the program the next morning took place in a fish-bowl arrangement. Elizabeth and I, together with Affirmation leader Michael Collinsand Kim Porter, a good friend from Florida-were in the fish bowl. Women's Division staff and directors encircled us. Elizabeth spoke with emotion but clarity. I remember Elizabeth saying that she probably expected too much of her mother and me too quickly; and, since her parents were "so-called liberals," she thought that we could handle the fact that she was homosexual! I remember saying that, when her mother and I first received Elizabeth's news, we agreed that we mustn't tell Granny. Granny wouldn't be able to handle it. As if we were! I also struggled to remember a quotation from Shakespeare that my colleague, Beverly Chain, helped me to recall: Let me not to the m arriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love Which alters when it alterations finds, Or bends with the remover to remove. (1l6th Sonnet) I did not want my love for Elizabeth to alter. The warmth and acceptance that Elizabeth and I received in that workshop were wonderful. Every once in a while now, nearly seven years later, I see someone who was at that workshop, and she will ask me, "How is Elizabeth?" At another time, I saw a notice that the Kirkridge Retreat Center in Pennsylvania was having a weekend session on "The Christian Faith and Homosexuality." I figured that this I would help me in my understanding of Elizabeth and in my relationship with her. So I went. The leadership was outstanding: feminist Episcopalian theologian Carter Hayward, Roman Catholic theologian John McNeill, feminist evangelical writer Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, and others. As it turned out, I was one of the very few "straight" persons there. It was basically a group of gay men and lesbians worshiping together and enjoying being together and the freedom of being themselves. In small groups, we each went around a circle briefly telling our stories. When it was my turn, J said that my daughter was a lesbian and that I wanted to relate to her with understanding and that was why I had come. The young woman leading the group jumped up and hugged me and said she wished so much that her father were open to her. Then she and I both wept. Idon't know how to analyze or evaluate these experiences. And I certainly don't know how to advise other parents of lesbians and gay men. I simply know that that I am grateful that we didn't allow the shock of learning that Elizabeth is a lesbian to come between us and separate us. Elizabeth is a sensitive, caring person whom I love and admire. I thank God daily that she is my daughter and friend. And I also thank God that, through Elizabeth, I have had the opportunity to shed the demeaning and debilitating baggage of homophobia. Manna for the Joumey /7 !-Dear Dad, The honesty and love you've expressed in the above account exemplifies what a special person you are. With several years' perspective, I am much more appreciative of those qualities in you than I was when I came out to you and Mom. About a year passed between the time I began confronting my own homosexuality and my initial discussion about it with you. That year became more and more awkward and painful because I felt like I was withholding an important part of myself from you. I was living a lie. I did not want to have such big secrets, and I could not imagine a lifetime of concealment. It became clear that I had no choice but to tell you. You had to know, for my peace of mind. I was extremely anxious about telling you I am a lesbian. At worst, it meant suffering your disapproval of me. At best, we would need to deal with the normal reactions of bewilderment, anger, guilt, and withdrawal. I felt responsible to make you understand, and that was a tall order! And yet, deep down, I knew what I had always known. You loved me, and nothing could change that. Values that you and Mom taught and lived included the willingness to love all kinds of people and the abhorrence of discrimination. Because of these values, I expected you to have little trouble accepting my lesbianism. Oh, I knew that there would be an initial "adjustment period," but I thought it would last minutes instead of months! Needless to say, my expectations were quite high. What I imagined would be an awkward but satisfying discussion turned into an unsatisfying child-parent battle. You didn't understand, and I had no patience. I forgot to consider that it had taken me time to come to terms with this myself, and you deserved at least as much time. Our talk didn't go as I had planned, but I still felt tremendously relieved when it was over. I had taken an important step. There were awkward moments over the next several months. I felt uncomfortable explaining my feelings to you, Dad. But I knew I was very lucky because you are the kind of person who wants to understand. I even resented, at times, that I needed to help "educate" you. I wanted you to magically understand and accept everything! The first Gay Pride Day Parade was a turning point. When you told me that you would be marching in the parade with Parents of Gays, I was matter-of-fact. Somehow, it seemed like a perfectly usual thing for a loving father to do. You had certainly marched for plenty of other good causes over the years! I also remember thinking that, if you marched, I would be obliged to march with you in appreciation. Being newly in love with Annie, and this being my first year in the parade, I was terribly excited-and not so sure if I wanted to share that excitement with you. (It pains me to make these admissions; I thought I was so mature.) I spent the evening before the march with some friends talking about the next day. Their reaction to your marching was what you had probably expected from me. They helped me begin to realize what a special day it would be. The day was truly extraordinary. Thousands of people gathered at the starting point, and Annie and I excitedly searched for Parents of Gays. It didn't take us long to spot you. Immediately I was filled with love, pride, and joy at our togetherness. As we marched up Fifth Avenue, no other organization in the parade was cheered and applauded as strongly. The crowds and television crews realized how special it was. It was exhilarating! Many gay men and lesbians thanked you and the other parents for marching and said they only wished their parents could do the same. I had always taken your love and acceptance for granted and that day helped me develop a much deeper appreciation for you. One of my most treasured possessions is a photograph that was taken that day of the three of us. In that picture, you are holding a sign that says, "We love our gay children." Today I am just a bit wiser and a great deal more aware. Most of all, I am thankful of how lucky I am to know this kind of love. Love, Elizabeth is a hospice "Ii Elizaheth Smith 1:re who h I( New York Cin, I! as lVet!ill OJ' Jor te" yeal'S, F~ stratlons of.a bian Pal1 nt by Judy Cayot Judy Cayot is the director ofa child-care program. She is a healer, a workerfor justice, and sometimes actress and singer. In the summer of 1981, after 10 years of marriage and 5 years as a single parent, I met and fell in love with _a woman who became my first female lover. At that time, my daughters were 12V2 and 9 years old. Their needs have always concerned me as I have "come out" to myself, my family, and others. How are their lives affected by the changes in my life? What have they lost, what have they gained, by having a lesbian mother? How do they, how do we together, deal with the homophobia that is in all our lives? When I first was coming out, I talked with them about my growing understanding of my own sexuality because I felt they deserved clear, honest statements about the nature of my relationship with my lover. I wanted a home without secrets, hidden emotions, or the tensions they create. They needed to know that they could talk with me about their feelings-friendly or ugly-without being judged. And I was excited about my new sense of self and wanted to share my happiness. I let them know whom in the family I had talked to, so they wouldn't have to wonder who knew. I talked to their father to relieve them of the burden of "keeping my secret" when they were with him. Fortunately, we have had acceptance in our family. I know other lesbian mothers who have been threatened with, or have experienced, the loss of custody of their children because of heterosexlst exhusbands and other relatives. Often gay and lesbian parents are not even allowed visitation rights. M. (older daughter) and H. (younger daughter) have responded differently to my being lesbian.* The first year, they both seemed to accept it with little change of attitude or feeling toward me. As M. grew into her teens, she became angry and hurt by my lifestyle. She told me once that she didn't like my lover spending so much time at our house because her friends were asking, "Why is she there so much?" M. did not want to explain. I assured her that when I "came out" to friends, I was scared of their reactions but always ended up being supported by them. Her response was, "But your friends aren't 15." It was true. Being a teenager and being "different" is hard. And, if your mom is different, you are different. Fortunately, as M. is moving into adulthood and becoming clear about her own sexuality, she again is becoming more relaxed and accepting in her relationship with me and my lover/partner. Other problems can face lesbian or gay couples and their children outside of the family circle in general society. We have had to deal with a broad variety of issues that probably confront all lesbian or gay parents and their children: How do churches, schools, and other community agencies relate to families with lesbian or gay parents? Are both parents encouraged to come to parent-teacher conferences? Who can attend the PTA meetings? When my daughter's school has Open House and my lover goes with me, how should she get introduced to the teacher? Is there a support system that sustains families such as ours through tough times? When we all go to church, are we considered a familyencouraged to participate in family events? Who speaks up when children at the day-care center where I work use "fag" and "lessie" as put downs? The schools and churches should understand that these problems are all of ours. The community's educational, counseling, religious, and other service organizations must begin addressing the needs of children of lesbian or gay parents and the heterosexism that creates and contributes to those needs. Children of lesbians or gay men need support, information, and a variety of adult role models. Isolation, i.e., feeling that "we're" the only ones, is, perhaps, the hardest thing. To whom do you talk when nobody talks about homosexuality except to put it down? Knowledge of sexuality in general, including objective information about homosexuality, is sadly lacking for our children. As far as I know, my children had no resources, no frame of reference in which to deal with lesbianism, when I first came out-except a loving family. I am glad my children now have role models who are gay, straight, female, male, single, and "coupled." They learn that there are many ways to relate to others-that differing lifestyles are a healthy part of life. My children and I have been fortunate to have the family and friends that we have. Lesbian and gay parents can't "do it all alone" any more than other parents can. The community must acknowledge the needs of children of lesbians and gay men and create a better, more open flow of information and support for (continued on next page) * I have decided not to include the names ofmy children in this article. I do not wish, at this time, to force them to "come out" as openly as this article would be iftheir names were printed. They need to choose their own times and ways to come out as children ofa lesbian mother. Manna for the .Towney / 9 Joys and Frustrations (continued) these children and their parents. The churches could lead the way in this endeavor. Instead, they seem to be taking gigantic steps backwards into oppressive, legalistic attitudes of a former day. I often consider how my life has affected my daughters. They have lost a certain innocence of childhood where there is no "hard stuff' to deal with. But they also have gained an ability to work through difficult times. H. almost lost a trip to Alaska when she was 10. My sister had arranged for H. to visit her in Anchorage before I came out to her. When I did so, I received a letter from my sister that shocked and surprised me. She considered homosexuality a sin. Although she didn't approve of my lifestyle, she wanted to continue to love me as her sister. I almost didn't let H. go visit her aunt because I was afraid my sister would try to influence H.'s feelings toward me. But, in the end, I trusted my sister's love and common sense and the strength of my relationship with H., and sent her off for a wonderful two-week visit. Very recently, I realized that my daughters and I had all lost something very important (at least for a time). When I came out, I stopped a lot of my communication with my ex-in-laws. I love my children's grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, but I let go of them because it was "easier" than coming out to them. I let my connection with them become very distant, and M. and H.'s did also. That was not intentional on my part, but it happened. Their grandmother died recently. It was only then that I realized how much we all had lost over the last five years. How sad that my own internalized homophobia and fear of it in others contributed to that loss. What have my children gained? They have a mother who is happy with herself; a greater openness to dealing with sexuality in general; knowledge that they have choices in life; a better understanding of intolerance and how fear feeds intolerance. A friend asked me, "How do you raise children to be nonhomophobic?" My first response was, "I have no idea." But now, I see clearly, one raises children to be nonhomophobic and nonheterosexist in the same way one raises them to be nonracist and nonsexist. Children must learn first to value themselves; to feel good about whoever they are; to know that they have choices in their lives about work, loving, and relationships. One helps them learn not to be afraid to question, to recognize fear in themselves and to name it. One teaches them to respect others, to appreciate what is similar about us all and that which is different and to celebrate both. Finally, one tries to be and to act according to personal beliefs. Jwant to be honest with myself and with my children. I want to be clear with them about my sexuality and my life choices. Finally, I want them to know that I feel good about who I am and who they are; that it is OK for me to love women and it is also OK for them to struggle with that. I want us to share the joys, pains, frustrations, and victories. That is how we all learn to be more human. Parents FLAG Groups The Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, Inc. (Parents FLAG, or PFLAG), was officially formed in 1981. Groups of parents had been meeting around the country since the first groups of parents met in New York in1973. The primary objective of Parents FLAG is "to help parents and their Gay children to understand and love one another, and to offer mutual support wherever it is needed." (from "About Our Children," p. 12) Although parents of gay men and lesbians comprise most of the members of Parents FLAG, other relatives, friends, gay men, and lesbians are active members. There are 65 Parent FLAG groups in the country (at least one in every state), and many single contacts in areas where there are not groups. These groups and individuals help each other learn about the concerns and needs of their gay children and friends. Rap groups are held across the country, and many of the local groups sponsor a crisis phone line. Parents FLAG is available to furnish speakers for organizational events and has a thorough list of resources on gay and lesbian issues. National Convention A national convention of Parents FLAG is held once a year. These conventions are held in different locations across the country. The next Parents FLAG convention will be September 19-21, 1986, in Portland, Oregon. This event will provide a place for networking, support, and education. Workshop topics at the event will include religion, AIDS, coming out to families, youth groups, and much more. For more information, contact the Parents FLAG national office (listed below) or the convention chairperson, Thelma, at 503-223-5293. Starting a PFLAG Group One of the primary objectives of Parents FLAG is to enable more local groups to be formed. Parents FLAG has sent mailings to such diverse groups as university dorm directors, nursing schools, and 90,000 local churches across the United States. (Included in this church mailing were a large number of United Methodist congregations.) Local churches can be an important catalyst for the beginnings of support and caring for parents and friends of lesbians and gay men. Several of the Parents FLAG groups have been started by clergy who have a gay or lesbian child. Each congregation, whether or not it knows it, has members who are friends and families of gay men and lesbians. Ministry to these members could be the beginning of reconciliation within families and within your church. Contact the national office of Parents FLAG (address is listed below) for information on how you can start a local group. For More Information For information about parents' groups and contacts, you may write either the Reconciling Congregation Program or the natiopal office of Parents FLAG. Two free booklets, "About Our Children" and "Coming Out to Your Parents," are available from Parents FLAG. Send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope to: Parents FLAG P.O. Box 24565 Los Angeles, CA 90024 10/ A-fallna for the JOUl7ley by Mike Underhill Mike Underhill is the national treasurer ofAffirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. He is the father ofa nine-year-old daughter and lives in Chicago, fl/inois. "yougay fathers are strange. You've got one foot in the straight community and one foot in the gay world. You must be crazy," a usually understanding friend recently told me. While I know my friend genuinely supports civil rights for all, his comment certainly shows the ignorance, if not the hostility, that surrounds the 10 percent of gay men who are fathers and the much larger percentage of gay men who are involved in nurturing relationships with children. While one would expect hostility from homophobic persons, I am struck by the lack of understanding that comes from within the gay community as well as from gay fathers' friends who support many other areas of gay life. Several years ago, for example, our local Affirmation group went out on a Sunday outing to the zoo. That day half of the men in the group were fathers. The day itself was beautiful, the first warm day of spring, and the zoo was overflowing. Kids continually ran through and around us. All was well until one of our group was bumped and almost knocked down. As he yelled out to the running child, he indignantly remarked, "Well, at least we don't have kids like those breeders do!" This lack of understanding pervades many images of gay men. There are many different positive views of the "gay lifestyle." You'll look long and hard, however, to find many images in which children and nurturing are thought-by the general gay male community or society at large-to be important parts ora gay man's life. Gay fathers and gay men who want to be nurturing pay a price for this ignorance. But the real victims are the thousands and thousands of children who are denied their rights to love and be loved by their fathers and the millions of children who are prevented from having nurturing, productive relationships with adult gay men. There are many reasons why all men, both gay and straight, are discouraged from having nurturing relationships with children. But there are two beliefs, I think, that directly contribute to the particular ignorance and hostility about gay men nurturing children: • A belief that gay fathers just don't legitimately exist. • A belief that a male homosexual environment is an inherently suspicious one in which to raise children. These concerns primarily face gay fathers, but they may also have some relevance for gay men who are nurturing children as day-care workers, teachers, counselors, clergy, or social workers. In addition, some of the issues discussed here parallel the concerns of lesbian mothers; others probably do not. (continued on next page) Manna for the Journey / 11 Nurturing Children (continued) . Heterosexism Both gay and straight communities often see a gay father's children as "mistakes" or as remnants of a heterosexual past. Similarly, many see a gay man's desire to adopt children as a refusal to accept his homosexuality or as a desire to become "respectable." The implication is that, if all were properly sorted out, gay fathers just wouldn't exist. Fathering would be left to the heterosexual men, and the gay men could get on with their interior decorating, choir directing, or other "suitable" homosexual activities. The assumptions, I think, are that homosexual persons and children don't "naturally" go together and that heterosexual persons have a privileged claim to children. As such, this view is yet another manifestation of heterosexism. Conceiving children is so intimately connected with males and females together that it may be difficult to see that raising children has little connection with the sexual preferences of adult men or women. Conception requires that an ovum and a sperm come together. But the biological facts of conception require neither heterosexual love or heterosexual nurturing. In our more honest moments, we know this to be true. How many children are conceived, in the absence of love, as an attempt to "save" a marriage? How many children are conceived with the conscious desire of only one of the sexual partners? How many heterosexual parents are good nurturers? Desiring to have children, wanting to nurture children, enjoying being with kids-these are simply human desires, having little or nothing to do with an adult's sexual orientation. Whether two gay men can biologically produce a child is as irrelevant for their desire and ability to raise children as it is for the heterosexual couple in which one spouse is sterile. Homophobia and Patriarchy It has long been asserted by many persons that a gay male environment simply is not a good one in which to raise children. On one level, this belief reflects a particular distaste that is often accorded to gay culture. Heterosexual intercourse is praised as a gift of God; gay sex is judged to be disgusting. Lonely-heart ads in a straight newspaper are seen as funny or sad; personal ads in a gay newspaper are said to be desperate or sick. Heterosexual pornography is seen as offensive; homosexual porn is seen as repulsive. On another level, this belief touches deep strains in our collective psyche. The root, I think, is a fear of male power in general and male sexuality in particular. In a patriarchal system, such as ours traditionally has been, men commonly understand themselves to be unreliable, if not incapable, of controlling their sexuality and their desire for power. Patriarchy thus absolves males of responsibility for controlling their aggressiveness. As a corollary, women are held responsible for trying to civilize or tame this otherwise unbridled male power. The home of the family, then, is that space in which the female presence makes possible a nurturing environment suitable for children. But what happens in an environment in which women are not intimately present? Who will protect the children from the men? How can we not be suspicious about raising children in a gay environment? From all that we know about male power and male sexuality, these are valid questions. Some men certainly use all relationships, including those with children, as an arena in which to demonstrate and develop their male power. Some men abuse-cruelly and deliberately, psychologically and sexually-children. Whether based on cultural judgment or patriarchal fear, the view that gay men-either because of their gayness or because of their maleness-should not raise children probably does include sincere concern for children. Still, we should be very careful not to let concern for the well-being of children be translated into a blanket homophobic judgment about the unsuitability of any gay male environment for raising children. Struggle Heterosexism, homophobia, and patriarchy certainly provide many rationalizations why gay fathers cannot be legitimate and why gay men should not be allowed nurturing relationships with children. Our task as people of faith, however, is to struggle with these traditions, bringing to bear all that experience, reason, and scripture have to offer. From the above starting points, we can explore other resources in an ongoing discussion and reflection. One resource is contemporary research about gay and lesbian parenting. Again and again, this research finds that (1) what's important for a child's development is the quality of love and care that an adult is able to give the child and (2) the more accepted and supported a gay or lesbian parent is, the more he or she is able to give love and care to the child. Another reason is simply the experience of gay men who are already nurturing children in most communities throughout the country. These men and their children provide real-life data against which the beliefs of heterosexism and homophobia can be examined. Again and again, children teach us that one man's falling in love with another man is just not as critical in their lives as it is in ours as adults. Heterosexism and homophobia are grown-up ways ofviewing the world. A child's problems are "Is Daddy there?," "Do Mommy and Daddy really love me?," or "Why?" Especially for those of us who have had many years' experience in believing that homosexuality is evil, sinful, and sick, it is an unexpected lesson that what has taken us so long to see is something that children intuitively know. And learning from children is profoundly healing and liberating. Gay fathers don't have to be role models so that their children will easily adapt to a sexist and homophobic society. They don't have to be in control. They don't have to measure their success by patriarchal standards. Gay fathers can be themselves-as butch, as effeminate, as silly, as serious, and as gay as God made them. Their children will still be strong and healthy, loved and loving, with as many glories and as many warts as any children. And our children will love us for who we are. 12 / Malllla for [he lOUlney 1 Any two adults who try to share the same living space will inevitably experience some conflict and disagreement. Sometimes, if those individuals are to maintain an ongoing, committed relationship, outside help may help them resolve some ofthe issues that are especially complex. Such seeking of outside help should not be seen as indicating any sort of failure in the relationship; rather, a willingness on the part of both partners to work toward a more mutually satisfying relationship is actually a sign of considerable strength. Couple counseling is readily available for heterosexual married couples. Same-sex couples or heterosexual couples who are living together without a marriage license face many of the same issues as their legally married counterparts; however, counseling for these couples is not as easily available. For same-sex couples, especially, it is often intimidating to look for a counselor who is understanding of lesbian/gay lifestyles as well as skilled in working with couples. Although the basic patterns of relationships are the same regardless ofthe gender ofthe individuals involved, there are issues that must be considered somewhat differently with lesbian or gay couples. For most same-sex couples, the specific details regarding commitment have never been discussed, yet each partner brings a lifetime of assumptions about how relationships and commitments are supposed to be. These rules about commitment usually have not been examined carefully in dialogue with the partner. The same problem exists for married couples who use the standard marriage vows without stopping to think about their real meaning and specific applications. Lesbian or gay couples who decide to have some sort of commitment ceremony are forced to struggle with the issue of commitment as they write their vows. This process of putting in writing the specific understanding of commitment can be difficult, but it also can Counseling with Gayand Lesbian Couples by Dorothy Gager Dorothy Gager is a licensed independent practitioner of social work with considerable experience in counseling lesbians and gay men. She is a member ofNashville's Edgehill United Methodist Church, a Reconciling Congregation. be one of the most useful tools in helping couples come to grips with the foundation upon which their relationship is established. Even if a couple is not interested in any sort of public statement of the terms of the relationship, it can be extremely helpful to have each person independently write what he or she is willing to commit to in the relationship. Only after each person has developed a statement of his or her own should the partners share these statements with each other. Ifeach person has been honest, the process of looking at the other person's perceptions about relationships can lead to the formulation of a common agreement that can be used as the starting point at any time in the future when problems arise. Closely linked to the issue of differing understandings of commitment is the issue of roles within the relationship. Despite tremendous changes in the understanding of sex roles in recent years, the basic assumptions about male and female roles within relationships serve as a point ofdeparture for most couples in deciding such varying issues as who sets standards for household cleanliness, who checks the oil in the car, who manages the budget, and who initiates sexual activity. Once again, people come to relationships with deep-seated assumptions about who should perform which tasks, and these need to be brought into the open and negotiated. In some lesbian and gay relationships, the individuals choose to follow strictly the traditional roles, with one person taking the stereotypical male role and the other taking the female role. It is important not to jump to the conclusion that there is something wrong with this arrangement. If both individuals are aware that other alternatives exist, and if neither feels dissatisfied or oppressed by the way the relationship operates, the pattern may be functional for that relationship at a particular time. As long as communication lines are open and functioning well and each individual is able to raise matters for discussion, the couple should be (continued on next page) Malllla for the Joumey / 13 orientation. One partner may be Counseling (continued) Other grief issues are often presextremely closeted with family ent, especially in instances where able to deal with any future difficulties in a satisfactory manner. there is estrangement from the members, meaning that the partfamily of origin or where society's ners never can be together on One of the major factors affecting reaction to the lesbian/gay lifestyle holidays or that the other partner may resent time spent with family. the stability of long-term lesbian or has meant the abandonment of gay relationships is the relative ease career or other dreams. When one When one or both partners has children, all of the problems faced or both partners in a couple bring with which such relationships can by any blended family exist, plus a to a new relationship such major be initiated and terminated. This is wide array of issues such as legal grief issues, increased support is not to imply that entering or leaving custody, decisions about what to necessary if the relationship is to relationships is taken lightly. It is tell the children, and societal presgrow in a healthy way while the true, however, that many married sure on the children.· It is imporpast issues are being resolved. couples work through problems tant to note that research shows that rather than separating largely bechildren reared in lesbian or gay For many lesbian or gay couples, cause they desire to avoid the legal households adjust well if they are there may be no role models of divorce process. The institution of healthy couples that have mainin a family where they know they marriage in our society certainly tained a long-term relationship. are loved by both adults and where has its problems, but it does have the adults relate well to each other. Such couples certainly do exist, but clear entry and exit rituals and Such children are no more likely to they usually associate primarily rules that are binding on the parties be lesbian or gay than children with friends their own age who are involved. also in long-term relationships. reared in more conventional Lesbian or gay relationships They may be less visible within the households. may become coupled relationships lesbian/gay community because of without going through any conNone of the issues discussed scious process of acknowledging having successfully created their above are unique to lesbian or own subcommunity of support. what is happening. Two individuals gay relationships and families, but Younger lesbians and gay men tend who have been seeing each other they do take on a slightly different to socialize and meet people in setregularly may decide to move in flavor in such couples. Each coutings where most people are not in together because someone's lease ple, regardless of the gender of its expires or because of financial relationships, and they may make members, struggles with the same the faulty assumption that there are stress. While these are legitimate general issues, and each couple no other settings or types of relareasons for a change in living quartionships. Further complicating achieves its own unique balance in ters, they are not necessarily legimeeting the needs of both partners. this problem can be the fact that timate reasons for deciding to enter In a society where divorce and older lesbians and gay men in longa long-term relationship. The result separation are facts of life. it makes may be that two people find themterm relationships are often well sense for anyone entering into a established in their jobs and feel selves living together and trying to the need to be closeted-or at least long-term relationship to be aware maintain a committed relationship of the difficulties ahead and to to be more selective about where without having made a careful make some plan about where help decision that they want to do so. If they choose not to be closetedwill be sought if the need arises. the relationship does not work out, and are therefore not visible as role Receiving counseling, whether inmodels. It is helpful for lesbians they may tell themselves that they and gay men to know about couples dividually or as a couple, should be have failed or they may take consuch as Dell Martin and Phyllis seen as a sign of growth and comsolation in the popular (but not Lyon, lesbian social activists since mitment, not as a sign of failure or necessarily correct) view that lesdoom. Because of the additional bians and gay men cannot mainthe 1950s and co-authors of Lesbian/ Woman, and the four gay male societal pressures on lesbian and tain long-term relationships. gay couples, they have even more couples who write a regular column There seems to be less understandin The Afhocate (a national gay reasons for entering relationships ing in the lesbian/gay culture ofthe newspaper) about various relationwith caution, with open comgrief process and the need for a ship issues and experiences. munication and assumptions and period of mourning and healing expectations, and with examinaafter the end of a relationship. Too tion of the specific terms of comWhile relationships withfamilies of often, individuals immediately seek origin can be problemmatic for any mitment, as well as with joy in another relationship without ever couple, there are special stresses for having found a partner to serve as a resolving the grief over previous fellow pilgrim on the lifelong jourlesbian or gay couples, especially losses. The result is a person with ney called relationship. when the two individuals have very multiple grief wounds, lacking the different relationships with their emotional energy to deal sucfamilies. It is not uncommon for *See the articles by Judy Cayot and Mike cessfully with the present or the f~milies to blame the partner for Underhill in this issue for more discussion of past. lesbian and gay parenting. their son's or daughter's sexual 14 / Manna for the Joumey Qat::ed Mered eth Fred Methered is a retired teacher. gay activist, counselor, and historian. He is a founder of the Sexual Identity Center in Honolulu and is active in the Metropolitan Community Church and in the United Methodist Church. He is the father of three children and the grandfather offour. M any gay men and lesbians have come to an acknowledgement of their homosexuality only after years of struggling with self and society to get the fortitude, commitment, or whatever to be open about an integral part of who they are as human beings-something of which they may have been aware, in various degrees of consciousness, since their earliest years. I know from personal experience how difficult and painful it can be to "come out" as a homosexual while belonging to a church family in which one has been active from earliest youth and while also belonging to a bloodrelated family (in my case, having a wife and three grown children). It takes God's urging, support, and help. From my earliest consciousness, I wanted to hug boys, not girls, but did not act on the desire. I didn't know why boys didn't hug boys-boys just didn't. I never had even an inkling that it might be possible for a loving Creator to give some of humanity a sexual attraction toward persons of the same gender. My father died when I was a teenager, and I had no adult male confidant. I was introverted and seldom got into the supposedly unavoidable sexinformation exchanges with peers. I have no recollection of even a hint of being cruised by an older male. Nor do I recall ever being tempted to invite seduction. Sex education was nonexistent. By the time I was high school age, we students had been indoctrinated with the assurance that "self-abuse" automatically resulted in hairy, coarse, and abrasive palms. I was left to wonder why I alone managed to avoid that calamity or whether other boys simply forwent the pleasure I could not resist. Later, in college psychology courses, we might find a couple of pages on "deviation," phrased in terms likely to titillate more than inform. No one risked suspicion or embarrassment by showing interest in explicit elucidation. After I had received undergraduate and graduate degrees in history and religion, 1 became a teacher and student counselor until World War II. Stationed in the Philippines when the war ended, I gravitated to Japan where, in response to recruitment drives for civilian workers on the U.S Occupation force, I doffed my uniform for civilian wear, becoming a military historian. There I met, in an approved social group of "enemy aliens," a young Japanese woman who enjoyed dancing as much as I did and whose aunt found me to be an acceptable guest. With my facing frequent jibes for reaching 30 without having a wife and children, my Japanese girlfriend and I ignored Occupation frowns and married. Eventually, we moved, with two sons and a daughter, to Hawaii. Middle age came and, with diminishing straight sexual competence, I became more and more aware of the repressed attraction I felt for males. I knew no homosexuals, and, anyway, overt outreach to another male was unthinkable. My fantasies remained limited to hugging and/or fondling-and definitely without genital play. I began intensive research on human sexuality and biblical exegesis. I learned that sexual orientation was not a matter of individual choice and, undoubtedly, was ineradicably fixed during a person's earliest years. I recalled that God never ended the creation process, continuing to bring new insights to human creation. I noted that Isaiah's Yahweh had told God's people not to dwell on past history and that "I am doing a new deed" and that later Jesus was sent to expound even greater concepts of love for all human creation. I learned that no concept of differing sexual orientations had been made known by the Creator to humanity until glimmerings were given to some European scholars in the middle and late 1800s. I learned that, for that reason and because no equivalent to homosexual existed in Hebrew, Greek, or Latin, none of the words in those languages could correctly or ethically be translated into the emerging English word homosexual. Self acknowledgement of my homosexuality came with the enlightening conviction that I did not need to engage in sex with another male to prove that I was indeed a homosexual. I just was and always had been a homosexual, even though I was married, fathered children, and passed middle age without having knowingly spoken to another homosexual. My mind knew all that; my conscience and God's needling called on me to be honest with my family, my church, and, above all, my God and myself. While that demand grew constantly more clamorous, I prayed and procrastinated. In 1969, the Stonewall Riots suddenly catapulted homosexuality into public consciousness. I saw young men and women risking schooling, careers, even lives in seeking human rights protections for homosexuals. Fairly secure myself, I was letting those younger homosexuals suffer for me. I felt God's (continued on next page) Manila for the .Ioumey / 15 Out--:-At Last (continued) increased pressure to share the risks, yet I continued to weasel. As a member of my annual conference's Council on Ministries and its Adult Ministries Committee, I did, at least, cautiously begin speaking out in United Methodist circles, carefully avoiding giveaways about any personal interest. In addition, after I retired in 1972, I got heavily involved in volunteer counseling and began to hear about homosexuals in Hawaii. At a Council of Churches meeting, I met a young man who was forming a Honolulu Metropolitan Community Church (MCC) congregation. He was the first person I knew to be a homosexual with whom I exchanged more than a hello. I asked to talk to him about what I could do for those "mistreated" homosexuals. Although Ron surely knew that I was peeking from behind a closed closet door, he was kind, made no spoken assumptions, spoke about conditions among homosexuals, and invited me to attend MCC services. God's prodding increased, and I agonized about acknowledgement. I was aware of the evils of homophobia, and I knew my Christian faith expected me to condemn such fear and prejudice. I continued to pray for guidance and, meanwhile, intensified my commitment to serve gay youth. I saw the pain the youth endured and the rejections they suffered; I saw estrangement from parents and alienation from religious loyalties; I saw bitterness and the wounding of inner selves. My prayers turned to pleas for leads as to how I could best help. It was obvious that my effectiveness would be increased if I were accepted as one of "them." I integrated myself into the homosexual community, a step that proved rewarding and joyful. However, the suicide, within eight months, of three young men who had been very close to me stirred a crushing grief and, with it, a boundless anger against church members who maliciously charged young men with unforgivable sin and against parents who closed their doors on their sons. Iffine, sensitive 20-year-olds were driven to die because of a sexual orienation given by God, then God no longer accepted wishy-washiness from me. God demanded that I, fairly immune from personal hurts, be completely open about my own sexual orientation so that, hopefully, I might be more helpful to others who suffered more than I. Finally, my procrastination withered. Iwas exceptionally fortunate and blessed with my family. The roughest time for my wife and me had come years before I "came out," when I ceased to be an adequate sexual mate. I returned to masturbation and fantasy, and my wife, without any heavy discussions, appeared to find other values as substitutes for sexual companionship. By the time I "came out," we were socializing together more than we had 20 years earlier. Our children were by then young adults, and the two oldest lived far from home after being graduated from mainland colleges. When I wrote to them about my sexual orientation and my commitment to fight for human rights for gay persons, my older son responded that, regardless of the kind of commitment I felt called upon to make, he would always back me, taking the choice to be right for me. My daughter's reaction was short: "That big news, Dad, is no big deal. It's OK with us, and we love you." My younger son, recently graduated from college, lived in Hawaii, and his reaction was much like that of his sister. That last reaction was illustrated by an amusing occurrence. I was eager to "educate" my fellow United Methodists, and I wangled an invitation to meet with a group at First UMC, Honolulu, which we had attended for 20 years. My son, then the church's lay leader, introduced me to the group by saying, "This is my Dad, who knows all about sex." I talked about homosexuality and answered questions. Something was said that caused me to say, "Look, folks, I am a homosexual and have been a homosexual ever since birth." After some of the people had recovered from their initial shock, questioning turned to my son. Asked how he had reacted to the "news," he said that he had been taught to think of human beings as being worthy and good as long as they didn't hurt others. Then: "But, Bob, how did you find out that your Dad was gay?" Answer: "Well, I think that I knew it before he did." And that may have been true if the "he did" was "he accepted it." My wife has met most of my gay friends-often counselees or fellow activists, almost all the age of our children or younger. Some she likes very much, some just a little, and some not at all-especially very young fellows who are "hurting" so much that they appear to her to be "wimps," too weak to stand up to parents and peers. Martin Luther King, Jr., once said, "Set yourself earnestly to discover what you are made to do, and then give yourself passionately to the doing of it." God had uncovered to me, over my reticence, wha~ I had to do, and I pledged that, as long as God gave me life, I would work, in every way I could, to bring about the acceptance-not toleration, but acceptanceof gay men and lesbians. I would not rest until we could all sit in complete and loving fellowship in the pews where we had received our early religious nurture, where we had wanted to remain but from which we had been alienated. I would also strive for the day when we could feel the same full acceptance by society as a whole. My family accepted that commitment of mine, and my appreciation for their support knows no bounds. AhosPitalization two years ago forced me to live my life at a much slower pace. Nevertheless, I am continuing my efforts to the best of my ability. I know now that I am doing what a loving, compassionate God wants me to do. My life is more open, more honest, more compassionate, and much happier than it ever was when I was concealing so inherent a part of my humanness. I am at peace with my God and myself. I am no longer afraid, ever, to speak out. 16/Malina for the Journey Martha Rutland· Wallis is the pastor of Highlands United Methodist Church in Jack· sonville. Florida. Every Sunday, as part of our gathering, my congregation sings, "I'm so glad I'm a part of the family of God." What are some ways in which local churches can begin to make this song sing in the lives of all the members of our family-including lesbians, gay men, and those close to them, such as their parents, siblings, and children? Focusing on the statement in the United Methodist Social Principles-that we are all persons of sacred worth-a church family could minister to some of the deepest pastoral needs of this constituency simply by acknowledging and affirming their presence. Instead of operating on the assumption that no such folk are in our churches, we could assume that they are among us and begin to find ways to extend a warm welcome. • Consider becoming a Reconciling Congregation. Reconciling Congregations are those who are dealing with a grave crisis in the United Methodist Church in such a way that we are again "one in the spirit." We can all learn from these congregations and be made more whole through their ministries. • Give a friend, your church library, your conference library and newspaper editor, the United Methodist Women's program resource officer, or your public library a gift (continued on next page) Manna for the Joumey / 17 (and of single, heterosexual partimes there are basic needs like Opportunities (continued) ents). With relatives often distant sheets, housing, housewares. As subscription to Manna for the with any serious health crisis, either by miles or by choice, how is Journey. volunteers to answer phones, proyour church seeking to be "family" to these parents? What kind of care vide transportation, shop, and lis• Mfinnation is another chanis extended to lesbian and gay ten are always appreciated. nel of welcome. Being "United parents and their children when The church can do much to Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Conthere are family crises: sickness, cerns," this organization can keep educate people about the probdeath, job change, and the constant local churches aware of the conlems and possibilities for our bepressure of children who need all coming a more caring community cerns of these members of our their families to give, and more? to those most personally touched family. Subscribe to national MfirWhile our United Methodist mation's newsletter for your church by AIDS. Social Principles clearly support library; announce its availability, Too many times parents of lesthe civil rights of homosexual peror post it on the bulletin board bians and gay men have no one sons, sustaining the struggle to regularly.* Put notices about nawith whom to talk about their conobtain and protect those rights is tional and local Mfinnation-sponfusion and their pain. These parnecessary for the rights to become a sored conferences in regular church ents are in our church families. reality. "Blessed are the poor in newsletters-so that those who Find out where the nearest Parents spirit for yours is the realm ofGod." might be interested find out about and Friends of Lesbians and Gays The influence of the church can be them; and so that those who would (PFLAG) chapter is located. Have of great help to those suffering job someone come and share their rather not know about the existence loss and discrimination, child cusstory with members of your church. of these members of our family are tody disputes, housing and credit Make the resources of this organikept informed of their presence as problems, immigration scrutiny, well. zation available in your church lithe constant presence ofverbal and ,brary. Maybe even start a chapter Such avenues are not open only physical violence, and the spiritual so that fewer parents will be lost to United Methodists. No matter pain of being outcast by family what the denomination of your and more friends may be found. and church. local church, you can contact the Many times a family will simply In many areas, the church has national lesbian/gay organization drop away from the church rather traditionally been a leader in matof your denomination. Programs than share this difficult part oftheir ters of justice. Unfortunately, this like the Reconciling Congregation life journey, especially when our often has not been the case when it Program are also sponsored by church is more vocal about its fear came to the rights of lesbians and and hostility than it is about its Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay gay men. People are leaving our Concerns and Lutherans Concommitment to care and reconcerned (see Rep Report, p. 22,). churches in great pain and are sufcile. fering intense spiritual pain with Sex education needs tremenThe fiist step in developing a few resources to help them. Let the dous attention and support by our ministry with lesbians, gay men, churches. Too often this critically healing and renewing wind of the and their biological and affectional spirit blow by opening some doors important aspect of our lives is left families is to find out what organof awareness in your church. to the streets. Become aware of izations are already serving these what your annual conference is people in your . community, how Let us be guided by the example doing to pn>mote thought and they are doing this, and what needs dialogue about how to live responof Jesus. The tax collectors they are encountering. The best and peasants whom he made the sibly as the sexual beings we are. ministries will be ministries develTake advantage of these programs focus of his ministry were among oped with and by the constituency and make them available on a local the most despised and outcast served. We cannot serve the elderly, level so that more people are able to citizens of his day. Jesus came that the alcoholic, the youth without they might know the love of God. participate. involving those persons in the Help your church extend the love ministry itself. The same is true of of God to all its members. Begin Another oft-neglected conserving homosexual persons. stituency in our churches is now to offer some basic love and Special needs may exist surthe children. Church meetings care to a constituency you may not rounding the current AIDS crisis, often ignore the need for child care even know but which has always which is challenging the caring reand the need for pro gam developbeen here-and is here to stay. sources of our churches. Who curMter all, when we turn anyone ment for children. Lesbian and gay rently serves those suffering in your parents-whether they be "single" away, we turn away the living community? How do personal fears or in couples-may find that supChrist. exacerbate the problems? Are pubport for their child-raising is critlic health resources availableically needed, yet hard to obtain. *Published quarterly. Send a $15 donhospice, nursing homes, funeral Parenting resources usually ignore ation to Mfirmation, P.O. Box 1021; homes, home nursing care? Many Evanston, IL 60204. the presence of lesbian/gay parents 18 / Manna for the Journey The Day of Pentecost, traditionally observed seven weeks after the Passover, was the celebration of _the day on which the Hebrew law was given. For Christian traditions, Pentecost represents the day that the Holy Spirit came in a rush of wind and fire, filling the followers of Jesus with a gift of speaking in every tongue and telling the Good News. (Acts 2) Surprised pilgrims from all over the earth heard the Good News in their own languages. (Some call the event of Pentecost the reverse of the Tower of Babel.) The day of Pentecost was the birth of the Christian church. Pentecost today calls ~s back to a wholeness and oneness that has been lost. The church today is divided by fear and hate. May this Pentecost be one in which all may hear the Good News that all are one in God. Let the church be a Church of justice and love, opening its doors to gay and lesbian and bisexual persons, to people of color, to variously abled persons, to women and men. Let the church be rebaptized in the Holy Spirit. Celebrating Pentecost as a Household Begin to incorporate worship celebrations into your daily household life. Use symbols to help you remember the season of the year. Have worship celebrations that fit your household style. Informal conversations, sentence prayers, responsive readings, and justice activities can all be instances of worship. Talk about the meaning of Pentecost for your household. What does it mean to celebrate the birthday of the church? How can your celebration reflect the church's mission of love and justice for all people? Talk to someone you know who is working for justice and ask them why they do what they do. Decide together on an activity to do as a household. Help serve in a soup kitchen, get involved with a network that is helping those with AIDS, join a Parents FLAG group. Have a special birthday service at one of your meals. Decorate your table with red, the color of Pentecost. Light a candle to remind you of the Holy Spirit. Have a time of sharing in which each person tells what they will do to help celebrate the birthday of the church. Close your time together by reading the Pentecost liturgy on the next page. Divide the reading, and let different people read different parts. .... _"No. No, not me." Denial. Denial of his Lord, yes, but just as much, denial of his relationships, his connectedness, his "Who am I?" Fifty days later. the Spirit of God blew through his life and Peter claimed his truth, his people, his life, and his power. God calling, always, Pentecostal Empowerment to those who will claim themselves and speak to an unjust orId. to cry, hLet my people gor' The Spirit upon Miriam to lead the dance of faith and power. The Spirit upon Gandhi to leave English ways for Indian leadership. The Spirit came upon Joan of Arc and Martin Luther King, Harriet Tubman and Cesar Chavez, Bishop Desmond Tutu and Reverend Michael Collins. The Spirit, God's Spirit crying out in the wilderness of oppression, calling forth those who will know who they are. Pentecost The everpresent day receiving the gift of the Spirit flinging open closed doors and opening the way for Nebraska Seminar Advocates Reconciling Congregation Program The year-long planning effort culminated in this gathering of 60 persons from four states representing several denominations. In many ministry to persons with AIDS. On the national church level, the United Methodist General Board of Discipleship unanimously endorsed What is a Reconciling Congregaways, the conference was a model of the following resolution in their Febtion? How could my local church how a group can plan an educational ruary meeting: become a Reconciling Congregaand nurturing event for a geographi" During the past seven years, tion? How can I be a "reconciler" cally scattered people who share a within many parts of the world, a with a concern that is so personal common concern for the spiritual new ugly, and dangerous disease and so emotionally divisive? These journey of gay, lesbian, and bisexual called AIDS (Acquired Immune and other questions were addressed persons. Deficiency Syndrome) has appeared. by participants at "Spirituality and To date, the health consequences for Homosexuality: A Dialogue Conthose who contract the disease are ference," held in Lincoln, Nebraska, February 28 and March l. As part of the conference Beth Growing Concern for Ministry to Persons with AIDS devastating. Most frequently, it ends in death. Also running coincident with this epidemic is a psychological Richardson and Mark Bowman led After several years of national crisis for family members and loved 30 participants in a workshop on the media coverage and public concern ones as well as for those at risk for Reconciling Congregation Program over AIDS, mainline churches are the disease. through discussion of the steps of growing more actively involved in "We, the Board of Discipleship of becoming a Reconciling Congregaeducation about and ministry with the United Methodist Church, recogtion. "Every local church is a poten, persons with AIDS. nize that in the midst of this epidemtial Reconciling Congregation" was Within the United Methodist ic, we are called to accept people as a major point of the workshop. ParChurch, several Reconciling Conthey are, relate them to God's healticipants looked at their own local gregations have been in the forefront ing grace, and empower them to churches through the perspective of of this development. The ministry of undertake ministries of compassion the journey toward becoming a bereavement at Washington Square and hope. We applaud those local Reconciling Congregation, recognizUMC (New York) was reported in United Methodist Churches who ing that for some congregations it Manna for the Journey (MFIJ), vol. 2, have already undertaken such minmight take I year and, for others, 20 no. 2. The same issue ofM FIJ reportistries on our behalf. We also confess years. Discussions covered both the ed the resolution "AIDS and the that we as a total church have not theological/biblical framework for Ministry of the Church," which was always responded lovingly in the the program and the practical steps passed by the New York Annual midst of this epidemic in part of implementing it. Participants Confere nce of the UMC last spring. because of deeply held fears and departed with enthusiasm and hope Members of Washington Square prejudices. We ask God's forgiveness for beginning work on becoming a followed up that resolution by workin this regard. Reconciling Congregation in several ing with the Conference Board of "We commend to all United area local churches. Church and Society to plan a Methodist Churches this tragic situThe refreshing presupposition conference-wide workshop which ation as a unique opportunity for that pervaded the whole conference was held on March 22. The conministry and witness. We also comwas to focus on the church's relationference drew 75 participants to share mit ourselves to assembling resources ship to the spiritual journeys of gay, information and learn more about and guidelines to enable local lesbian, and bisexual Christians AIDS ministry in the United Methochurches to engage in such ministry. rather than on the morality of homodist Church. Such work will be carried out by sexuality. Other workshops offered We have also received reports means of a special ad hoc task force to the attendees of the two-day confrom Bethany UMC (San Francisco) appointed by the Board's president, ference were: biblical/theological on their ministry to persons with who will work in conjuction with the understandings, counseling issues, AI DS. Capitol Hill UMC (Seattle) Board's Executive Council." the church and AIDS, coming out/ and St. John's UMC (Baltimore) going out, and family issues. The have been involved in educational keynote address was given by United Methodist Bishop Melvin Wheatley. efforts on AI DS. Several other Reconciling Congregations are developPresbyterian Gathering The conference was the collaboring programs. Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay ative effort of an interdenominaAnother positive sign of growing Concerns (PLGC) will be visible tional body of concerned laity and church involvement is that at least again this summer at the annual clergy under the auspices of the three United Methodist clergy are General Assembly of the Pres- Interchurch Ministries of Nebraska. appointed to positions involving (continued on next page) M allllafor the Journey /2 J I several articles explore discriminaeral Assembly will be held June byterian Church (U.S.A.). The Genchures describing the Reconciling tion and oppression experienced by 10-18 in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Congregation Program, as well as lesbians and gay men, and relevant PLGC will have an exhibition booth subscription forms and sample copies legislation and litigation is reviewed. and hospitality suite during the of Manna for the Journey, were availBack issues ofManna for the Jourgathering. They will also hold their able. ney are available for $3 each. Any of annual membership meeting on We would encourage you to think the above resources can be obtained Friday evening, June 13, and sponsor about how you or your local church by writing: Reconciling Congregaa special luncheon the following could help others learn more about tion Program, P.O. Box 24213, NashSaturday afternoon. For information our collective efforts at your annual ville, TN 37202 or Manna for the about participating in or assisting conference gathering coming up Journey, P.O. Box 23636, Washingwith these efforts, write to: PLGC, soon. If you need resources for this ton, DC 20026. c/o James Anderson, P.O. Box 38, endeavor, you can write to either the Reconciling Congregation Program New Brunswick, NJ 08903-0038. or Manna for the Journey, or call Beth Richardson (615/244-0867) or Mark Bowman (202/484-1233). Your efforts to help promote our Annual Conferences Offer an work are crucial! Opportunity to Promote Reconciling Congregation Program and Manna for the Journey Resources Available The annual gatherings of United Remember that several resources Methodists offer a rich opportunity are available to you on the Reconcilfor spreading the good news about ing Congregation Program and the Reconciling Congregation ProMannafor the Journey. A revised RCP gram. brochure and a four-page paper, As one example, last year Wal" How to Become a Reconciling Conlingford UMC and Capitol HillUMC gregation," are available at no (both in Seattle) hosted a special dincharge. ner meeting during the Pacific Limited numbers of back issues Northwest Annual Conference gathof Manna for the Journey are also ering. A separate room was reserved available: in advance just off the conference "Be Ye Reconciled" (vol.l, no.l) cafeteria. Announcements of the Ecumenical Efforts provides a biblical and theological meeting were disseminated in the foundation for the Reconciling ConTwo other denominations have early days of the conference gregation Program with articles by similar programs to the Reconciling At the meeting, several represenDr. Joseph Weber, Rev. Virginia Congregation Program in which tatives from both Reconciling ConHilton, and Howard and Millie local churches show their support gregations were present to discuss Eychaner. A six-page annotated for and welcome to lesbians and gay and answer questions about the bibliography on resources related to men. In the Presbyterian Church Reconciling Congregation Program. lesbian/gay concerns and the church (U.S.A.), there are "More Light ConThe pastor, chair of the Administrais included. gregations" and in the Lutheran tive Council, and other persons from "Living and Dying with AIDS" Church, there are congregations each church spoke of the process of which are "Reconciled in Christ." becoming a Reconciling Congrega( vol.1, no.2) explores opportunities for ministry to persons with AIDS. We offer a brief profile of these two tion-the change and growth as well Articles include a medical presentaprograms and a listing of conas the cost to the congregation. Time tion on AIDS, writings on personal gregations which are part of them. for questions was allowed after the experience with AIDS, and suggesWe hope that this sharing will brief presentations. Over 40 persons tions for organizing efforts for edubroaden the support networks for showed up for the meeting to learn cation and ministry about AIDS. gay men, lesbians, their family and more about the Reconciling Con" A Matter of Justice" (vol. 1, no.3) friends, and their congregations. gregation Program. reviews the civil and legal rights conOn a smaller scale, several indivicerns of lesbians and gay men. In Reconciled in Christ Program duals arranged for displaying inforthis issue, Dr. Arthur Flemming preThe Reconciled in Christ promation on conference resource tables sents the Christian case for involvegram was developed by Lutherans at their annual conferences. Broment in the civil rights of all persons, ConcernedlNorth America in 1983. 22/Mal/I/a for the Joumey SI. Francis (ALC) University (LCA) Downtown Presbyterian McKinley Memorial 152 Church Street 1611 Stanford Avenue Congregations in three major Luth121 N. Fitzhugh Street Presbyterian eran bodies-the American Lutheran San FranCisco, CA 94114 Palo Alto, CA 94306 Rochester, NY 14614 809 S. 5th Street Champaign, IL 61820 Church (ALC), Association of EvanChrist Church (AELC) SI. Paurs (LCA) 1090 Qunitara Street 1658 Excelsior Avenue Calvary St. Andrews Parish Bethany Presbyterian San FranCiSCO, CA 94116 Oakland, CA 94602 gelical Lutheran Churches (AELC), 68 Ashland Street 4523 Cedar Springs and the Lutheran Church in America Rochester, NY 14620 Dallas, TX 75219 First United (LCA) Lutheran Peace Fellowship 6555 Geary Blvd. 4100 Moutain Blvd. (LCA)-are invited to sign an "AffirNew Community Life West Hollywood mation of Welcome." San FranCiSCO, CA 94121 Oakland, CA 94619 Presbyterian Presbyterian 243 Rosedale Street 7350 Sunset Blvd. Fullness of God (ALC) "The Affirmation of Welcome is Rochester, NY 14620 Los Angeles, CA 90046 a statement that affirms the message Holden Village Chelan, WA 98816 Westminster Presbyterian Noe Valley Ministry of Christ that calls us to reconcilia400 I Street, S.W. 1021 Sanchez Street tion and wholeness. Since gay and Washington, DC 20024 San FranCiSCO, CA 94114 lesbian persons are often scorned by More Light Program Rockville Presbyterian Seventh Avenue 215 W. Montgomery Avenue Presbyterian Rockville, MD 20850 1329 7th Avenue society and alienated from the The More Light Program was Church, the affirmation states the initiated by Presbyterians for Lesbian! San FranCiSCO, CA 94122 First. Franklin SI. following: Gay Concerns (PLGC) in 1979. Presbyterian Covenant Presbyterian "-that gay and lesbian people More Light congregations have 210 W. Madision Street 670 E. Meadow Drive Baltimore, MD 21201 Palo Alto, CA 94306 "declared that all people, regardless of comes from being unique individuals share with all others the worth that Waverty Presbyterian Westminster Presbyterian Old York Road at 34th Street 240 Tiburon Blvd. their sexual orientation or preference crea ted by God; and their affectional relationships, Baltimore, MD 21218 Tiburon, CA 94920 "-that gay and lesbian people are are welcomed into full participation Central Presbyterian First Presbyterian welcome within the membership of (including election and ordination 318 W. Kentucky Street P.O. Box 236 Louisville, KY 40203 Sausalito, CA 94965 this congregation upon making the to the offices of the church) on the same affirmation of faith that all same basis. The message of the GosNorthside Presbyterian SI. Andrews Presbyterian 1679 Broadway Drake & Donahue Avenues other people make; and pel is for all people. The law of love Ann Arbor, MI48105 Marin City, CA 94965 "-that as members of this conapplies equally to all persons, reLincoln Park Presbyterian Terrace View Presbyterian gregation, gay and lesbian people are gardless of their particular sexual 600 W. Fullerton Parkway 4700 228th Street, S.w. Chicago, IL 60614 Mountlake Terrace, WA 98043 expected and encouraged to share in orientation or preference of their the sacramental and general life of affectional relationships." this congregation." More Light congregations are The coordinator of the Reconencouraged to write and adopt their ciled in Christ Program is Rose own More Light resolutions, A bookReconciling Congregations let giving background information Smith, 12602 Park Street, Cerritos, Washington Square UMC University UMC CA 90701. on More Light ministry, including c/o Cathie Lyons & c/o Steven Webster Ed Weaver 1127 University Avenue Lutheran congregations which sample More Light statements, is 135 W. 4th Street Madison, WI 53715 have become "Reconciled in Christ" available for $2,00 from PLGC. New York, NY 10012 to date are: The contact person for the More Park Slope UMC Wheadon UMC c/o A. Finley Schaef c/o Carol Larson 6th Avenue & 8th Street 2212 Ridge Avenue The Community of Christ Edina Community (ALC) Light Program is: Shirley Hinkamp, 300 W. 55th, #IOJ, New York, NY Brooklyn, NY 11215 Evanston, IL 60201 (ALC) 443 W. 54th Street 10019. 1812 Monroe Street, NW Edina, MN 55424 Calvary UMC St. Paul's UMC Washington, DC 20010 Presbyterian congregations in c/o Chip Coffman c/o George Christie Christ the Mediator (LCA) 815 S. 48th Street 1615 Ogden Street the More Light Program are: Philadelphia, PA 19143 Denver, CO 80218 1900 St. Paul Street Chicago, IL 60615 Baltimore, MD 21218 SI. Mark's (LCA) 3100 S. Calumet Christ UMC Wesley UMC St. Gregory of Nyssa (AELC) Church of the Covenant South Presbyterian Church 67 Newbury Street 343 Broadway c/o Bea Judge c/o Warren Russell 1401 E. 55th Street #3202N 4th & Eye Streets, SW 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Chicago, IL 60615 Boston, MA 02116 Dobbs Ferry, NY 10522 Village Church (LCA) Washington, DC 20024 Fresno, CA 93710 LafayeHe Avenue 130 E. Juneau Avenue Christ Church Presbyterian Resurrection (LCA) Milwaukee, WI 53202 Presbyterian SI. John's UMC Bethany UMC 3301 N. Seminary Street Redstone Campus 85 S. Oxford Street c/o Howard Nash c/o Christine L Shiber Burlington, VT 05401SI. Paul-Reformation (LCA) Brooklyn, NY 11217Chicago, IL 60657 2705 St. Paul Street 1268 Sanchez Street 100 N. Oxford Street Baltimore, MD 21218 San Francisco, CA 94114 Munn Avenue Presbyterian St. Paul, MN 55104 Old South Haven St. Paurs (LCA) 7 S. Munn Avenue Presbyterian P.O. Box 341 Edgehill UMC Sunnyhills UMC Holy Trinity (LCA) East Orange, NJ 07018 South Country Road Northridge, CA 91324 c/o Hoyt Hickman c/o Martha Chow Brookhaven, NY 117192730 E. 31st Street 1502 Edgehill Avenue 335 Dixon Road First Presbyterian. TrinityMinneapolis, MN 55406 St. MaHhew's (LCA) Nashville, TN 37212 Milpitas, CA 95035 2 Prospect Street Westminster Presbyterian 11031 Camarillo Street Trenton, NJ 08618 724 Delaware Avenue Christ the Servant North Hollywood, CA 91602 Central UMC Wallingford UMCBuffalo, NY 14222 (ALC/LCA) c/o Howard Abts c/o Chuck Richards 317 17th Avenue, SE SI. Paulus (AELC) Prospect Street 701 West Central at 2115 N. 42nd Street Minneapolis, MN 55414 888 Turk Street Presbyterian Church North Presbyterian Scottwood Seattle, WA 98103 San Francisco, CA 94102 2 Prospect Street 90 Lewis Street Toledo, OH 43610 Grace University (LCA) Trenton, NJ 08618 Geneva, NY 14456 Capitol Hill UMC Harvard and Delware SI. Mark's (LCA) West-Park Presbyterian John Calvin Presbyterian c/o Pat Dougherty Streets, SE 1101 O'Farrell Street 165 W. 86th Street 50 Ward Hill Road 128 Sixteen Street East Minneapolis, MN 55414 San Francisco, CA 94109 New York, NY 10024 Henrietta, NY 14467 Seattle, WA 98112 Mal/fla for the Jowney / 23 Back, Gloria Guss. Are You Still My Mother? Are You Still My Family? New York: Warner Books, 1985. Written by a social worker who has a gay son and now specializes in counseling the families of gay men and lesbians. Borhek, Mary V. Coming Out to Parents: A Two-Way Survival Guide for Lesbians and Gay Men and Their Parents. New York: Pilgrim Press: 1983. Contains suggestions to the lesbian or gay man on how and when to come out to parents, what to expect. For parents, the book explains how initial reactions of grief and loss can be overcome. _______ My Son Eric. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1979. The moving story of an evangelical Christian mother's journey to acceptance of her gay son. Clark, Don. Loving Someone Gay. Milbrae, Calif.: Celestial Arts, 1977. Attempts to enable a positive self-identity to those persons who are newly out. (Primarily oriented to gay men.) Fairchild, Betty, and Hayward, Nancy. Now That You Know: What Every Parent Should Know About Homosexuality. New York: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1979. An excellent book for those who are struggling with the reality of a gay or lesbian relative. Silverstein, Charles. A Family Matter: A Parent's Guide to Homosexuality. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1978. A guide for parents of lesbians and gay men. Discusses how to approach the subject, how to listen, etc. Switzer, David K and Shirley A Parents of the Homosexual. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1980. Examines feelings of guilt and anger that Christian parents can have toward themselves, their child, and God after hearing that their child is gay or lesbian. Helps parents and children move toward reconciliation. Counseling Babuscio, John. We Speak for Ourselves. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1977. Case histories written specifically for counselors by lesbian and gay counselors. Topics include homophobia, internalized oppression, family relationships. Gonsiorek, John, ed. A Guide to Psychotherapy with Gay and Lesbian Clients. New York: Harrington Park Press, 1985. Includes articles on coming out, therapeutic issues with lesbian and gay couples, bisexuality, etc. 24/Mallfla for the JOl:lmey Hall, Marny. The Lavender Couch: A Consumer's Guide to Psychotherapy for Lesbians and Gay Men. Boston: Alyson Publications, 1985. Discusses how to choose a therapist, danger signs to watch for, what to expect in therapy, and other issues. Moses, A. Elfin, and Hawkins, Robert, eds. Counseling Lesbians and Gay Men. St. Louis: Mosby, 1982. A presentation of counseling techniques for lesbian/gay and heterosexual therapists to assist their lesbian and gay clients. Gay/Lesbian Parenting Gantz, Joe. Whose Child Cries. Rolling Hills Estates, Calif.: Jalmar Press, 1983. Children of gay parents talk about their lives and their growing up in openly gay and lesbian homes. Hanscombe, Gillian E., and Forster, Jackie. Rocking the Cradle. Boston: Alyson Publications, 1982. A book about lesbian mothers, their children, lovers, husbands, friends. Shares their hopes, dreams, concerns, fears. Pies, Cheri. Considering Parenthood: A Workbook for Lesbians. San Francisco: Spinsters Ink, 1985. A workbook for lesbians and their lovers who would like to be mothers. Contains information on artificial insemination, adoption, single parenting, co-parenting, etc. Schulenberg, Joy. Gay Parenting. Garden City, N.J.: Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1985. A practical guide to help lesbian/gay parents deal with special problems they are likely to face. Some topics are adoption, artificial insemination, coming out to the children, and preparing for custody battles. Relationships Curry, Hayden, and Clifford, Denis. A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples. Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley, 1980. A practical book that discusses all important aspects of coupling. Includes sample letters, forms and agreements to handle legal situations, estate planning, power of attorney, etc. Uhrig, Larry J. The Two of Us: Affirming, Celebrating, and Symbolizing Gay and Lesbian Relationships. Boston: Alyson Publications, 1984. A handbook by a Metropolitan Community Church pastor, on overcoming the difficulties ofgay and lesbian relationships. Miscellaneous Berzon, Betty. Positively Gay: New Approaches in Gay and Lesbian Ufe. Los Angeles: Mediamix, 1984. A collection of articles that include topics on coupling, job security, financial planning, family relationships, etc. Fortunato, John. Embracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians. New York: Seabury Press, 1982. Presents a theological discussion of the struggle of gay men and lesbians within the church. Good resource for pastoral counselors. Heron, Ann, ed. One Teenager in Ten. Boston: Alyson Publications, 1983. Writings by gay and lesbian youth dealing with parents, growing up lesbian/gay, etc. MacDonald, Barbara, and Rich, Cynthia. Look Me in the Eye: Old Women, Aging and Ageism. San Francisco: Spinsters Ink, 1983. Insightful look at aging from a feminist perspective. Nelson, James. Embodiment. Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1978. Covers broadly the subject of human sexuality from a relational standpoint. Includes one chapter on homosexuality. Scanzoni, Letha, and Mollenkott, Virginia Ramey. Is the Homosexual My Neighbor? San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1978. Written by two women from the evangelical tradition, this book presents an excellent introductory look at the concerns of gay men and lesbians and the challenge of ministry to this often marginalized group. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Manna for the Journey Vol 1 No 4 - Our Families https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/e5aa139de0e5994242baf9d3e7fb52f2.jpg fe1b57dac73df8de78a5c09fa45ce8e0 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Historical Development of BIPOC Trans-spiritual Leadership Still Image A static visual representation. Examples include paintings, drawings, graphic designs, plans and maps. Recommended best practice is to assign the type Text to images of textual materials. Text Any textual data included in the document Al-Andalus in global context. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Map of Al Andalus by 750 AD. Description An account of the resource Mahgreb & Al-Andalus Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived MEMOS: Medieval and Modern Orients https://memorients.com/maghreb-and-al-andalus https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/75bbfd59cabe1dbb49cf12d6ae6121b5.jpg 0d4b348ba563c3f999bfd26d09ff72fd Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Maranatha Description An account of the resource Items for the Maranatha: Riversiders for LGBT Concerns exhibit Still Image A static visual representation. Examples include paintings, drawings, graphic designs, plans and maps. Recommended best practice is to assign the type Text to images of textual materials. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Maranatha: Riversiders for LGBT Concerns logo Description An account of the resource The logo of Maranatha: Riversiders for LGBT Concerns https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/d35a7aca2e47ba0a6008e1aff7861f0b.jpeg 7edf5302c9534f93c19a1af3a9bd1990 https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/4b2cc0185b728aa38342c49ec40e259a.jpeg e8adcda29714558402633d67d4455208 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource The Historical Development of BIPOC Trans-spiritual Leadership Person An individual. Text Any textual data included in the document He was a family man. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Marcelle Cooks-Daniels Subject The topic of the resource Died by suicide. https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/5744d054c03d35969e0facbb46434143.pdf ef17ffa38c55be920e7cf42482cec080 Still Image A static visual representation. Examples include paintings, drawings, graphic designs, plans and maps. Recommended best practice is to assign the type Text to images of textual materials. Text Any textual data included in the document CONGREGATION BETH SIMCHAT TORAH NEW YORK'S SYNAGOGUE SERVING THE GAY & LESBIAN JEWISH COMMUNl1Y PRESS RELEASE For Immediate Release March 9, 1991 Contacts: Rosanne Leipzig, 212-548-5760 (evening number) Arthur Leonard, 212-431-2156 (daytime number) NEW YORK'S GAY AND LESBIAN SYNAGOGUE SEEKS TO IDRE ITS FIRST RABBI Congregation Beth Simchat Torah (CBST), the egalitarian gay and lesbian synagogue serving the greater New York City area, has initiated a nationwide search to hire its first rabbi. Founded in 1973, the 1150-member congregation made the decision to hire a rabbi after more than a year of study and discussion by the congregants and the Board of Trustees. "Our continued growth, the diversity of our members and the increasing need for counseling and spiritual guidance in this time of the AIDS crisis have created the desire among the Board and the congregation for a full-time rabbi to provide pastoral care and spiritual leadership," explained Arthur Leonard, co-chair of the Rabbi Search Committee. "We believe that this position offers a unique opportunity to a progressive rabbi who would enjoy the challenges and rewards our synagogue has to offer," added Rosanne Leipzig, the Committee's other co-chair. Since CBST is an unaffiliated synagogue, the congregation welcomes applicants from all backgrounds. The congregation is seeking an ordained rabbi with a minimum of two years of pulpit experience and a willingness to share the pulpit with lay leaders. Until now, congregants at CBST have conducted all services, and men and women participate on an equal basis. The congregation has adapted traditional liturgy and a wide spectrum of religious and cultural observances in order to meet the diverse needs of its members. Interested candidates should submit a resume or an indication of interest no later than June 1, 1991, to: Professor Arthur Leonard New York Law School 57 Worth Street New York, N.Y. 10013-2960 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource March 9, 1991 Press Release Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived CBST Archives https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/30b4e426c2ecfe6b10bf294854bb19e7.jpg 40050eb0c6a98d621d2f4f6b806e73dd Person An individual. Text Any textual data included in the document <p>Marco A. Grimaldo has long adhered to the personal motto, “be of good service.” He grew up in the Spanish-speaking Presbyterian Churches of Central and South Texas where service to family and community was always stressed.&nbsp; Marco remains fiercely Tejano.&nbsp; Born and raised in New Braunfels, Texas, Marco is the son of Pedro and Ruth Grimaldo and brother to Rebecca.&nbsp; His dad, Pedro, worked for non-profit groups, mostly for Southside Community Center to provide housing and help to low-income families in Central and South Texas.&nbsp; Ruth was first Deputy County Clerk and later court administrator for a state district judge. Together they raised a family of Presbyterian Chicano activists.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>Marco attended Southwest Texas State University for his undergraduate degree in political science and later attended the Georgetown Public Policy Institute which brought him to Washington, D.C.&nbsp; He worked briefly for the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute and went on to serve as a consultant on policy and political organizing to clients, mainly churches and charitable groups.</p> <p>In 1996, Marco began working with Bread for the World advocating for an end to hunger as a consultant and that relationship has grown into a long-standing partnership. Marco started off in the Organizing Department but over the years he has served as Director of Bread for the World Institute and the founding director of the Alliance to End Hunger. From 2012 through 2015, Marco took a break from Bread to become the President and CEO of the Virginia Interfaith Center for Public Policy, a statewide interfaith group that equips faithful Virginians to lobby the Virginia General Assembly and the Virginia delegation in Congress on issues of hunger, poverty and inequality.&nbsp; Following that, Marco returned to Bread for the World and currently serves as Deputy Director of Church Relations and Senior Associate for Latino Engagement.&nbsp;</p> <p>Marco Grimaldo has more than 25 years of experience in politics and non-profit advocacy, including work on national campaigns related to international development assistance, HIV/AIDS, debt relief and domestic hunger and poverty concerns. As a queer Latino in the church, Marco has worked to bridge the gap between people’s expectations and assumptions of who we are as LGBTQ people and the reality of our lives and ministries.&nbsp; Marco previously served on the board of More Light Presbyterians, the Presbyterian AIDS Network, NGLTF’s Religious Leadership Roundtable and co-chaired Witness Our Welcome 2003.&nbsp; Marco is an ordained ruling elder who attends Church of the Pilgrims in Washington, D.C.</p> <p>(This biographical statement provided by Marco Grimaldo.)</p> Biographical Text <p>Marco A. Grimaldo has long adhered to the personal motto, “be of good service.” He grew up in the Spanish-speaking Presbyterian Churches of Central and South Texas where service to family and community was always stressed.&nbsp; Marco remains fiercely Tejano.&nbsp; Born and raised in New Braunfels, Texas, Marco is the son of Pedro and Ruth Grimaldo and brother to Rebecca.&nbsp; His dad, Pedro, worked for non-profit groups, mostly for Southside Community Center to provide housing and help to low-income families in Central and South Texas.&nbsp; Ruth was first Deputy County Clerk and later court administrator for a state district judge. Together they raised a family of Presbyterian Chicano activists.&nbsp; &nbsp;</p> <p>Marco attended Southwest Texas State University for his undergraduate degree in political science and later attended the Georgetown Public Policy Institute which brought him to Washington, D.C.&nbsp; He worked briefly for the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute and went on to serve as a consultant on policy and political organizing to clients, mainly churches and charitable groups.</p> <p>In 1996, Marco began working with Bread for the World advocating for an end to hunger as a consultant and that relationship has grown into a long-standing partnership. Marco started off in the Organizing Department but over the years he has served as Director of Bread for the World Institute and the founding director of the Alliance to End Hunger. From 2012 through 2015, Marco took a break from Bread to become the President and CEO of the Virginia Interfaith Center for Public Policy, a statewide interfaith group that equips faithful Virginians to lobby the Virginia General Assembly and the Virginia delegation in Congress on issues of hunger, poverty and inequality.&nbsp; Following that, Marco returned to Bread for the World and currently serves as Deputy Director of Church Relations and Senior Associate for Latino Engagement.&nbsp;</p> <p>Marco Grimaldo has more than 25 years of experience in politics and non-profit advocacy, including work on national campaigns related to international development assistance, HIV/AIDS, debt relief and domestic hunger and poverty concerns. As a queer Latino in the church, Marco has worked to bridge the gap between people’s expectations and assumptions of who we are as LGBTQ people and the reality of our lives and ministries.&nbsp; Marco previously served on the board of More Light Presbyterians, the Presbyterian AIDS Network, NGLTF’s Religious Leadership Roundtable and co-chaired Witness Our Welcome 2003.&nbsp; Marco is an ordained ruling elder who attends Church of the Pilgrims in Washington, D.C.</p> <p>(This biographical statement provided by Marco Grimaldo.)</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Marco Grimaldo Marco Grimaldo More Light Presbyterians for LGBT Concerns Presbyterian Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Mardee Rightmeyer Stole Text Mardee Rightmeyer Denomination Presbyterian Church (USA) Contribution Date 1995 Contribution Story <p>This stole was one of the original 80 stoles that were on display on Sept. 16, 1995 when I set aside my ordination before Heartland Presbytery (see stole #1 for details).  Mardee is known for her many extraordinary contributions to the Presbyterian Church -- and also for a noteable family connection.</p> <p>Mardee is an ordained elder and professional church educator in the Presbyterian Church (USA).  She holds a masters degree in Christian Education from the Presbyterian School of Christian Education (now part of Union Theological Seminary, Richmond VA) and has served as a Volunteer In Mission in China. </p> <p></p> <p>In 1991 Mardee was forced to resign from her position as Director of Christian Education at St. Luke Presbyterian Church in Dunwoody, GA after it became known that she is a lesbian.  Fortunately, she has been able to put her gifts to work in the greater church; Mardee is now the Director of the Resource Center for the Presbytery of Greater Atlanta and the Synod of South Atlantic.  She is also the Co-Moderator for That All May Freely Serve, a national organization working for the full inclusion of LGBT persons in the life and leadership of the Presbyterian Church.</p> <p>Many Presbyterians also know Mardee for a notable family tie.  Her brother, Rev. Joe Rightmeyer, served for a decade as the Executive Director of Presbyterians For Renewal, the largest organization in the church working <em>against</em> the ordination of LGBT persons.  As two of ten siblings, Mardee says that when she lost her job and came out to her family, all of her family was extremely supportive, except Joe.  She once quipped that, within her family context, it is interesting that Joe is actually the one that has become a bit of the "black sheep."</p> <p><strong>Martha Juillerat</strong><br />Founder, Shower of Stoles Project<br />2006</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 29 Title A name given to the resource Mardee Rightmeyer Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Atlanta, Georgia (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Mardee Rightmeyer Georgia Presbyterian Presbyterian Church (USA) Rightmeyer, Joe Rightmeyer, Mardee That All May Freely Serve (TAMFS) https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/40e556f3a5c4d8b6aa6e13eee287266b.jpg 0e4cb0a9d068b7b5cb38e14141eb6859 https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/afb37bbab5e3ec529eeac169ecac3f44.jpg 1b23b39eb9254f9e99bc05f6a713434f Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Margaret Reiff Stole Text MARGARET REIFF Denomination Presbyterian Church (USA) United Church of Christ Contribution Date 2001 Contribution Story <p></p> <p>This is one of 52 stoles donated to the Shower of Stoles collection by members and staff of Church of the Covenant.  Although each of the stoles is unique, all of them are tied together by the inclusion of a piece cloth from a common bolt of blue and ivory material somewhere in the stole.  Covenant is both a More Light and Open and Affirming Congregation.  Their strong and public advocacy on behalf of LGBT persons in the life and leadership of the church has drawn many LBGT persons to become a part of the Covenant church family.  Their 52 stoles represent the largest subset of stoles given to the collection by any one congregation.</p> <p>Church of the Covenant, a federated United Church of Christ and Presbyterian Church, is steeped in history.  Located just off the Boston Commons, the Gothic revival building erected in the mid-1800's was one of the first churches built in the Back Bay area.  In the 1890's the sanctuary was completely redecorated by Tiffany Glass and Decorating Co., including the creation of an extraordinary set of Tiffany stained-glass windows and a chandelier that is said to be the first electrified light installed in a public building by Thomas Edison.</p> <p>Covenant's history of social justice and human rights work is equally rich.  When I visited Covenant, I was intrigued to learn that the church was a designated stop along the "Boston Women's Heritage Trail."  One of Covenant's members, Abbie Child, was the head of the Women's Board of Missions of the Congregational Church in the late 1800's.  Another member, Dr. Elsa Meder, was one of the first women ordained as an elder in the Presbyterian Church.  Elizabeth Rice and Alice Hageman, ordained in 1974 and 1975 respectively, were the first women to serve as pastors at a Back Bay church.  When they were joined by Donna Day Lower, the church became the only one in the United States with three women clergy.  Since opening the "Women's Lunch Place" in 1982, the church has served as a haven for poor women and their children.  It is fitting, then, that one of the Tiffany windows is "Four Women of the Bible," including Miriam, Deborah, Mary of Bethany, and Dorcas.  Covenant remains on the forefront of work for equality and justice, and is active in the LGBT Welcoming movement in the Boston area and beyond.</p> <p><strong>Martha Juillerat</strong><br />Founder, Shower of Stoles Project<br />2006</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 787 Title A name given to the resource Margaret Reiff Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Boston, Massachusetts (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Church of the Covenant Boston Clergy Activist Feminism Massachusetts More Light Presbyterians for LGBT Concerns Open and Affirming in the UCC (ONA) Ordination Presbyterian Presbyterian Church (USA) Reiff, Margaret Theology United Church of Christ Women and Religion https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/2ab3ab4eb463b14246f75b13d12e3e01.jpeg 817faf40b78c1b7f4aa2b5266fe0fb2a Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Queer Sacramentality: The Church of the Beloved Disciple Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context CBD_042 Date A point or period of time associated with an event in the lifecycle of the resource 1970s Title A name given to the resource Marian Shrine Description An account of the resource A side chapel dedicated to the Blessed Virgin Mary provided a quiet place for personal prayer within the Church of the Beloved Disciple. Centered on an icon painted by John Darcy Noble, the shrine was adorned with candles, flowers, and votive lights, reflecting the congregation's enduring practice of traditional Catholic devotion. Like the church's public processions and liturgical celebrations, the shrine affirmed that contemplative prayer and Marian piety remained central to the spiritual life of this pioneering LGBTQ-affirming community. Type The nature or genre of the resource Still Image Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived Church of the Beloved Disciple Archive, https://beloved-disciple.com https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/425401c9af942c0a6b4f68b77dcb9bb8.jpg a580d8c6019a40faff197af9998e0714 Person An individual. Text Any textual data included in the document Marianne Duddy-Burke was born just after Christmas 1960 to Eunice (Scullion) and Joseph Duddy in Edgewater, New Jersey, not far from New York City. Marianne was the oldest of four children in a typical Irish Catholic family. Their lives revolved around extended family and the church. Some of her earliest memories involve being mesmerized by the rituals, music, smells and many people gathered together for Sunday Mass in traditional Latin at Holy Name Church. After Mass, Marianne’s family would often go to her paternal grandmother’s home for Sunday dinner. Marianne recalls kneeling around the coffee table with her parents and siblings for evening prayer. A favorite family excursion was to her mother’s parents’ home in the Catskill Mountain area of New York state. There Marianne could roam a dairy farm and interact with a great many cousins. Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, weddings, and funerals were the rhythms of life for the Duddy family When Marianne was four, her parents moved to East Brunswick, NJ where they lived in a community that was in transition from rural to suburban. They joined St. Bartholomew’s Parish in the midst of the changes brought about by Vatican II. Marianne went to school there. Her father was a successful businessman in New York City. He oversaw a trillion-dollar oil deal which was a first for its time. But his alcoholism soon interfered with his life and work. Marianne recalls that she and her mother sometimes pored over paperwork from his briefcase in the evenings, analyzing credit reports and making recommendations to try to help him function in his job. By the time Marianne was in middle school, her father had difficulty holding down a steady job. The family went from being very secure financially to frequent hard times. All this resulted in a conflicted upbringing for Marianne. There was a great deal of love and affection with her father. But he could also be quite violent and abusive when drunk. Her mother bore the brunt of this, often withdrawing into her room for days to heal from the beatings she received. Marianne loved reading and going to school and was a top-notch student. She was also very interested in the church and felt the call to be a priest from a young age. Along with other children in the neighborhood, Marianne played games, rode bikes and played Mass and Confession. Whenever she could, she stayed after school to help the nuns. She regularly helped care for her younger siblings and other young children in the community. She earned a scholarship to study at Mt. St. Mary High School, located at the motherhouse of the Sisters of Mercy of New Jersey. She received an outstanding education there—taking some college-level courses and traveling on a National Science Foundation grant. She felt a pull to medical school. She boarded at the school for her junior and senior years, which allowed her to be part of the community life of the nuns. She was enthralled with the religious vocation and expressed interest in joining the order. But the sisters insisted that she explore the world, go away to college and have life experiences outside Catholic circles. Marianne enrolled in Wellesley College in Massachusetts in 1978. This meant that her high school and college years were spent in all-women environments. She went to college having no awareness of the possibility of a lesbian identity. However, not long after arriving at Wellesley she came across the book, Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective. This was the first place she read or learned about lesbian and gay identities and it spoke to her deeply. She began to venture out to find other persons like herself. She continued her active religious life at Wellesley and by her sophomore year was president of the Newman Center group on campus. Although Marianne was only out to a few people at this time, rumors started to circulate. The chaplain confronted her about being a lesbian and forced her to resign, stating that she could not represent Catholics on campus. The juxtaposition of finding affirmation and comfort in a lesbian community while being cut off from a faith community which had been so important throughout her life created much tumult in Marianne’s life. Marianne graduated with honors from Wellesley. Not long thereafter, she read an article in the Boston Globe about Dignity, the group for gay and lesbian Catholics. The following Sunday she went to her first Dignity Mass with a straight roommate who came along for moral support. Marianne immediately found that she was at home and has been involved in Dignity ever since. This was 1982. Marianne had been vacillating between going to medical school or seminary. She decided to apply to Weston Jesuit School of Theology in Boston and began studies there in the fall of 1982. As one of only a handful of women enrolled, this was radically different from her past all-female school environments. Given that it was unusual for a woman to have the opportunity to study there, she started out intending to be quiet about her lesbian identity. She still felt a strong call to a church vocation, even the priesthood. But she soon came to realize that she could not stay closeted. Such duplicity was not possible; Marianne could not hide who she was. She recognized that she could not work for the Catholic institution with integrity, thereby being conflicted by being unable to fulfill the vocation to which she was called. Gradually she came to realize a new vocation possibility—service to the LGBT community. She secured work in elder care to support herself so she could finish her studies and volunteer with Dignity. She became the first woman chaplain for the Boston chapter of Dignity. She facilitated lively discussion about inclusive language and women’s roles and rights. She attended her first national Dignity Conference in New York in 1985. There she was appointed to the National Women’s Concerns Committee. She has held some position at Dignity’s national organization ever since. At the 1987 convention in the Miami area, DignityUSA was trying to figure out how to respond to the Vatican’s shocking letter the previous Halloween which used language of “objectively disordered” and “intrinsically evil” in reference to LGBT persons. Prior to this time, DignityUSA had not taken a public position on the nature of same-sex relationships. Marianne drew on her theological training to draft language for an amendment to the organization’s Statement of Position and Purpose which stated that sexual relationships between people of the same sex could be unitive, life-giving and life-affirming. Following this publicly affirming statement, the pace of expulsion of Dignity chapters from Catholic spaces across the U.S., which had started soon after the Vatican’s statement was released, increased rapidly. These actions positioned Dignity on the front lines of LGBT advocacy in the years that followed. In 1991, Marianne was elected vice-president of DignityUSA. She had an enriching and productive relationship with president Kevin Calegari. By this time Marianne was connecting with a strong network of Dignity colleagues and activists around the U.S. In 1993, she was the first woman elected president of DignityUSA and served four years in that position. These were formative and lively years for DignityUSA. Marianne recalls the discovery that expulsion from Catholic spaces was a valuable gift that enabled DignityUSA to become a stronger public voice and advocate on behalf of LGBT Catholics and allies. No longer beholden to the institution, DignityUSA could more aggressively challenge the teachings, policies and practices of the church hierarchy. This enabled and unleashed growing support from more Catholic political leaders and gave many parishioners the language they needed to voice their discomfort with the church’s anti-LGBT teachings. Marianne met Becky Burke in 1994 when she came to Boston as a Sister of Mercy to study for a Masters in Social Work. Their relationship flourished and they celebrated a marriage covenant with the Boston Dignity chapter in 1998. They joined their names as Duddy-Burke just before the adoption of their first child. Marianne and Becky welcomed an infant girl to their family in 2002 and adopted her a year later. A second daughter joined them in 2008. Both girls joined the family through the foster care system, and the Duddy-Burkes advocate for the right of LGBT people and same-sex couples to become foster and adoptive parents. The family lives in Boston and enjoys a range of activities, as well as traveling together whenever possible. The DignityUSA executive director left in 2000 and the group’s fundraising efforts were faltering. President Mary Louise Cervone asked Marianne to join the staff on a short-term, part-time basis to rebuild their development program. The next year, Marianne traveled to Rome with Mary Louise, Mel White of Soulforce and other activists to hold a dramatic sit-in in Vatican Square to protest the Vatican’s negative teachings and policies about LGBT persons. This action garnered widespread media attention around the world. After another staff transition in 2007, Marianne was invited to join the DignityUSA staff as the full-time executive director, a position which she has held ever since. Under her leadership, DignityUSA has transitioned from being primarily a support and sanctuary movement to being an affirming community that is actively justice-seeking. She has helped the organization address the challenges seeing much of its membership and leadership aging and strive to discern the needs and interests of younger Catholics and younger LGBT persons and allies. In recent years Marianne has served as a Catholic advisor to the Religion and Social Justice Advisory Group within the Office of Religion and Global Affairs at the U.S. State Department. The Advisory Group assists the State Department in addressing how to support the U.S. goal of affirming LGBTI human rights in its foreign policy and development initiatives, and in understanding how faith and culture impact this goal. This has provided opportunities to help foreign service agents better understand the dynamics of faith in other cultures, i.e., to see beyond official religious leaders and get a picture of how religion is lived and practiced in everyday lives. It has led to interactions with LGBTI leaders from numerous countries who visit the U.S. on State Department study programs. This has even opened opportunities for training and education with staff at the U.S. Embassy to the Holy See, as well as with United Nations staff. Marianne speaks regularly at conferences around the country and internationally on issues of importance to LGBT Catholics and their families. She represents DignityUSA in numerous coalitions, ensuring the voices of LGBT Catholics are heard in Catholic and LGBT circles. She serves as DignityUSA’s primary spokesperson, and has appeared in thousands of print, radio, and television stories. She was featured in the video DignityUSA: A Conversation with Marianne Duddy, and her work has been included in several books, including Redemption Stories: Stories of Survival and Transformation and Catholic Women Confront their Church: Stories of Hurt and Hope. She is a featured blogger for Huffington Post. (This biographical statement drafted by Mark Bowman from an interview with Marianne Duddy-Burke and edited by Duddy-Burke.) Biographical Text Marianne Duddy-Burke was born just after Christmas 1960 to Eunice (Scullion) and Joseph Duddy in Edgewater, New Jersey, not far from New York City. Marianne was the oldest of four children in a typical Irish Catholic family. Their lives revolved around extended family and the church. Some of her earliest memories involve being mesmerized by the rituals, music, smells and many people gathered together for Sunday Mass in traditional Latin at Holy Name Church. After Mass, Marianne’s family would often go to her paternal grandmother’s home for Sunday dinner. Marianne recalls kneeling around the coffee table with her parents and siblings for evening prayer. A favorite family excursion was to her mother’s parents’ home in the Catskill Mountain area of New York state. There Marianne could roam a dairy farm and interact with a great many cousins. Baptisms, First Communions, Confirmations, weddings, and funerals were the rhythms of life for the Duddy family<br /><br />When Marianne was four, her parents moved to East Brunswick, NJ where they lived in a community that was in transition from rural to suburban. They joined St. Bartholomew’s Parish in the midst of the changes brought about by Vatican II. Marianne went to school there. Her father was a successful businessman in New York City. He oversaw a trillion-dollar oil deal which was a first for its time. But his alcoholism soon interfered with his life and work. Marianne recalls that she and her mother sometimes pored over paperwork from his briefcase in the evenings, analyzing credit reports and making recommendations to try to help him function in his job. By the time Marianne was in middle school, her father had difficulty holding down a steady job. The family went from being very secure financially to frequent hard times. All this resulted in a conflicted upbringing for Marianne. There was a great deal of love and affection with her father. But he could also be quite violent and abusive when drunk. Her mother bore the brunt of this, often withdrawing into her room for days to heal from the beatings she received. <br /><br />Marianne loved reading and going to school and was a top-notch student. She was also very interested in the church and felt the call to be a priest from a young age. Along with other children in the neighborhood, Marianne played games, rode bikes and played Mass and Confession. Whenever she could, she stayed after school to help the nuns. She regularly helped care for her younger siblings and other young children in the community. <br /><br />She earned a scholarship to study at Mt. St. Mary High School, located at the motherhouse of the Sisters of Mercy of New Jersey. She received an outstanding education there—taking some college-level courses and traveling on a National Science Foundation grant. She felt a pull to medical school. She boarded at the school for her junior and senior years, which allowed her to be part of the community life of the nuns. She was enthralled with the religious vocation and expressed interest in joining the order. But the sisters insisted that she explore the world, go away to college and have life experiences outside Catholic circles. <br /><br />Marianne enrolled in Wellesley College in Massachusetts in 1978. This meant that her high school and college years were spent in all-women environments. She went to college having no awareness of the possibility of a lesbian identity. However, not long after arriving at Wellesley she came across the book, Our Bodies, Ourselves by the Boston Women’s Health Book Collective. This was the first place she read or learned about lesbian and gay identities and it spoke to her deeply. She began to venture out to find other persons like herself.<br /><br />She continued her active religious life at Wellesley and by her sophomore year was president of the Newman Center group on campus. Although Marianne was only out to a few people at this time, rumors started to circulate. The chaplain confronted her about being a lesbian and forced her to resign, stating that she could not represent Catholics on campus. The juxtaposition of finding affirmation and comfort in a lesbian community while being cut off from a faith community which had been so important throughout her life created much tumult in Marianne’s life. <br /><br />Marianne graduated with honors from Wellesley. Not long thereafter, she read an article in the Boston Globe about Dignity, the group for gay and lesbian Catholics. The following Sunday she went to her first Dignity Mass with a straight roommate who came along for moral support. Marianne immediately found that she was at home and has been involved in Dignity ever since. This was 1982.<br /><br />Marianne had been vacillating between going to medical school or seminary. She decided to apply to Weston Jesuit School of Theology in Boston and began studies there in the fall of 1982. As one of only a handful of women enrolled, this was radically different from her past all-female school environments. Given that it was unusual for a woman to have the opportunity to study there, she started out intending to be quiet about her lesbian identity. She still felt a strong call to a church vocation, even the priesthood. But she soon came to realize that she could not stay closeted. Such duplicity was not possible; Marianne could not hide who she was. She recognized that she could not work for the Catholic institution with integrity, thereby being conflicted by being unable to fulfill the vocation to which she was called. Gradually she came to realize a new vocation possibility—service to the LGBT community. She secured work in elder care to support herself so she could finish her studies and volunteer with Dignity. <br /><br />She became the first woman chaplain for the Boston chapter of Dignity. She facilitated lively discussion about inclusive language and women’s roles and rights. She attended her first national Dignity Conference in New York in 1985. There she was appointed to the National Women’s Concerns Committee. She has held some position at Dignity’s national organization ever since. <br /><br />At the 1987 convention in the Miami area, DignityUSA was trying to figure out how to respond to the Vatican’s shocking letter the previous Halloween which used language of “objectively disordered” and “intrinsically evil” in reference to LGBT persons. Prior to this time, DignityUSA had not taken a public position on the nature of same-sex relationships. Marianne drew on her theological training to draft language for an amendment to the organization’s Statement of Position and Purpose which stated that sexual relationships between people of the same sex could be unitive, life-giving and life-affirming. Following this publicly affirming statement, the pace of expulsion of Dignity chapters from Catholic spaces across the U.S., which had started soon after the Vatican’s statement was released, increased rapidly. These actions positioned Dignity on the front lines of LGBT advocacy in the years that followed. <br /><br />In 1991, Marianne was elected vice-president of DignityUSA. She had an enriching and productive relationship with president Kevin Calegari. By this time Marianne was connecting with a strong network of Dignity colleagues and activists around the U.S. In 1993, she was the first woman elected president of DignityUSA and served four years in that position. These were formative and lively years for DignityUSA. Marianne recalls the discovery that expulsion from Catholic spaces was a valuable gift that enabled DignityUSA to become a stronger public voice and advocate on behalf of LGBT Catholics and allies. No longer beholden to the institution, DignityUSA could more aggressively challenge the teachings, policies and practices of the church hierarchy. This enabled and unleashed growing support from more Catholic political leaders and gave many parishioners the language they needed to voice their discomfort with the church’s anti-LGBT teachings. <br /><br />Marianne met Becky Burke in 1994 when she came to Boston as a Sister of Mercy to study for a Masters in Social Work. Their relationship flourished and they celebrated a marriage covenant with the Boston Dignity chapter in 1998. They joined their names as Duddy-Burke just before the adoption of their first child. Marianne and Becky welcomed an infant girl to their family in 2002 and adopted her a year later. A second daughter joined them in 2008. Both girls joined the family through the foster care system, and the Duddy-Burkes advocate for the right of LGBT people and same-sex couples to become foster and adoptive parents. The family lives in Boston and enjoys a range of activities, as well as traveling together whenever possible.<br /><br />The DignityUSA executive director left in 2000 and the group’s fundraising efforts were faltering. President Mary Louise Cervone asked Marianne to join the staff on a short-term, part-time basis to rebuild their development program. The next year, Marianne traveled to Rome with Mary Louise, Mel White of Soulforce and other activists to hold a dramatic sit-in in Vatican Square to protest the Vatican’s negative teachings and policies about LGBT persons. This action garnered widespread media attention around the world.<br /><br />After another staff transition in 2007, Marianne was invited to join the DignityUSA staff as the full-time executive director, a position which she has held ever since. Under her leadership, DignityUSA has transitioned from being primarily a support and sanctuary movement to being an affirming community that is actively justice-seeking. She has helped the organization address the challenges seeing much of its membership and leadership aging and strive to discern the needs and interests of younger Catholics and younger LGBT persons and allies.<br /><br />In recent years Marianne has served as a Catholic advisor to the Religion and Social Justice Advisory Group within the Office of Religion and Global Affairs at the U.S. State Department. The Advisory Group assists the State Department in addressing how to support the U.S. goal of affirming LGBTI human rights in its foreign policy and development initiatives, and in understanding how faith and culture impact this goal. This has provided opportunities to help foreign service agents better understand the dynamics of faith in other cultures, i.e., to see beyond official religious leaders and get a picture of how religion is lived and practiced in everyday lives. It has led to interactions with LGBTI leaders from numerous countries who visit the U.S. on State Department study programs. This has even opened opportunities for training and education with staff at the U.S. Embassy to the Holy See, as well as with United Nations staff.<br /><br />Marianne speaks regularly at conferences around the country and internationally on issues of importance to LGBT Catholics and their families. She represents DignityUSA in numerous coalitions, ensuring the voices of LGBT Catholics are heard in Catholic and LGBT circles. She serves as DignityUSA’s primary spokesperson, and has appeared in thousands of print, radio, and television stories. She was featured in the video DignityUSA: A Conversation with Marianne Duddy, and her work has been included in several books, including <em>Redemption Stories: Stories of Survival and Transformation</em> and <em>Catholic Women Confront their Church: Stories of Hurt and Hope</em>. She is a featured blogger for Huffington Post.<br /><br />(This biographical statement drafted by Mark Bowman from an interview with Marianne Duddy-Burke and edited by Duddy-Burke.) Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Marianne Duddy-Burke Catholic Dignity DignityUSA Marianne Duddy-Burke Roman Catholic RTSA Ecumenical Planning Team https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/7ef7b28e1b2264cbc21a8cebe836e269.jpg b4ff2f330398ebd80fce1af971d6ece4 Still Image A static visual representation. Examples include paintings, drawings, graphic designs, plans and maps. Recommended best practice is to assign the type Text to images of textual materials. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Marianne Duddy-Burke at DignityUSA—Civil Rights Timeline Description An account of the resource Taken from RTSA History Slideshow Dignity DignityUSA Marianne Duddy-Burke Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Marianne, Lynn, Kathleen, and Kirstie Stole Text <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:6pt 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">In honor of<!--?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /--></span></p> <p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><b><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">MARIANNE, </span></b><b><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">LYNN, </span></b><b><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">KATHLEEN, </span></b><b><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">AND KIRSTIE</span></b></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Sacred Heart Roman Catholic Church<b></b></span></p> <p><b></b></p> <b></b> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Eureka, California<b></b></span></p> <p><b></b></p> <b></b> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:12pt 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">We present this stole in honor of the LGBT members of our church who were forced out of ministry when their orientation was known, and those unknown who left, feeling no longer at home there.<span>  </span>They were loved and accepted only when closeted and silenced.<span>  </span>They were active leaders in music, in liturgy, in education, and in Cursillo.<span>  </span>They served as Eucharistic ministers, lectors, confirmation class leader, CCD director, study group and prayer group leaders and participants, music leaders, and choir members, and in almost every role in Cursillo teams. </span></p> <p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:12pt 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">Marianne, Lynn, Kathleen, and Kirstie –</span></p> <p></p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:12pt 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-size:10pt;font-family:Arial;">We are sorry.<span>  </span>We love you.</span></p> Denomination Roman Catholic Church Contribution Date 2006 Contribution Story <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;">Dear “Stole People”</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><span>               </span>(no longer Martha!)</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;text-indent:.5in;">I saw the Shower of Stoles at the United Methodist General Conference in Pittsburgh 2004.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;text-indent:.5in;">Back home, some friends from church and I got together to make a stole for friends, church members, who had been fired and excluded.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;text-indent:.5in;">The items sewn onto the stole were chosen or contributed by the four lesbian women involved. They also gave an OK to use their names, and contributed photos. We, their friends, discussed naming our church clearly and decided we wanted to and needed to.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;text-indent:.5in;">The stole has been in each of our homes and displayed at a wedding for one of the couples.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;text-indent:.5in;">Now it’s time to send it on. May their story touch hearts as mine was touched when I read – a few at a time – others’ stories in <!--?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /-->Pittsburgh.</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;text-indent:.5in;">Blessings on you and on GLBT work</p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt;"><!--?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /--></p> <p> </p> <p class="MsoNormal" style="margin:0in 0in 0pt 1in;text-indent:.5in;">Kathleen Tillinghost</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 1076 Title A name given to the resource Marianne, Lynn, Kathleen, and Kirstie Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Eureka, California (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Kathleen Tillinghost California Catholic Cursillo Pennsylvania Roman Catholic Tillinghost, Kathleen Women and Religion https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/60ad21dec2d0fe5ada62ae51d326e304.jpg f9b98fa6af70375fa674ca50bb6366da https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/8b8fea1ea178b02b1cbd72d77f5fe542.jpg f751a29021ed9430c6e83a9a19b936ee https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/bcf5d1529c36c0d1f52f2c68f29e37a2.jpg 5e8ec9c95e7a4ae2cff3be7c893a2736 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Marietta Oberlin Stole Text <strong>MARIETTA OBERLIN</strong><br />BAPTIZED 10/07/34<br />ORDAINED 10/09/59<br />NEXT 10/08/96 Denomination #NAME? Contribution Date 1996 Contribution Story <p>We have no other information about Marietta Oberlin, other that that which is written on the stole.</p> <p><strong>Martha Juillerat<br /></strong>Founder, Shower of Stoles Project<br />2006</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 245 Title A name given to the resource Marietta Oberlin Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Unknown, (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Bruce Billman Billman, Bruce Oberlin, Marietta Ordination United States https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/70ec168516ebddad68eb85480e38f699.jpg cbacfdf4e775a6d214556f76a0692e82 https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/56c83e197fe821186bcd712ac4eace53.jpg 6136cc6a0b7fa7423320adbc72cf000d Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Marilyn Nash Stole Text <p><strong>MARILYN NASH</strong></p> <p>Dedicated at a service of worship at<br />McCormick Theological Seminary</p> <p>Chicago, Illinois<br />January 14, 1998</p> Denomination Presbyterian Church (USA) Contribution Date 1998 Contribution Story <p>Marilyn Nash made this stole for the occasion of the preaching of her Senior Sermon at McCormick Theological Seminary in Chicago.</p> <p>With a longstanding commitment to diversity, McCormick is the only historically Euro-centric seminary in the Presbyterian denomination in which Whites are now in the minority.  This commitment to diversity has made McCormick a relatively safe place for LGBT students over the years, but that same diverse student body -- with large numbers of Koreans, African-Americans, native Africans and Hispanics  from a wide range of countries and religious backgrounds -- has kept the conversation lively around LGBT issues.  Some students have used these opportunities to come out and tell their stories; others have found it more difficult to do so in such an intense and intimate environment.</p> <p>In 1998, Marilyn Nash invited me to bring stoles to McCormick for the service at which she would be preaching her Senior Sermon.  Marilyn, who was "out" and an active leader in the local LGBT movement, had experienced open hostility from a couple of students that year, and she felt it important to have both the public statement and the support of the stoles surrounding her.  She received this, along with overwhelming support of the seminary community itself.  The chapel was packed for her service, with students and faculty from all walks of life sitting on the floor or standing in every available foot of space and spilling out into the entryway. </p> <p>A talented artist and worship designer, Marilyn returned to school to pursue a doctorate in Liturgical Arts.</p> <p> </p> <p><strong>Martha Juillerat</strong></p> <p>Founder, Shower of Stoles Project</p> <p class="Editor">2006</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 396 Title A name given to the resource Marilyn Nash Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Chicago, Illinois (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Marilyn Nash African American Asian Chicago Clergy Activist Illinois Latinx Lesbian Nash, Marilyn Presbyterian Presbyterian Church (USA) https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/d6d4fc1895e0db82f611d31fb70170b7.jpg 5a97464b33fae10cfef866c03323772b https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/21a7418bc002922fd23702ae94200d48.jpg 458b7925e56960cef4124c28db18d49d https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/73384b2dacc7b7690aa13ad726625844.jpg f07d32e72c045ef7aa845c9031a1fe6b Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Mark Stole Text <p>MARK</p> <p>DEACON</p> Denomination Presbyterian Church (USA) Contribution Date 1996 Contribution Story <p>This is one of about thirty stoles donated to the collection by First Presbyterian Church of Palo Alto.  First Palo Alto, a More Light congregation, has for decades been on the forefront of the movement for full inclusion of LGBT persons into the life and leadership of the church and greater society.  Among the many leaders of the movement who have come from this congregation is Mitzi Henderson, former national President of PFLAG and national Co-Moderator of More Light Presbyterians.</p> <p><strong>Martha Juillerat</strong><br />Founder, Shower of Stoles Project<br />2006</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 137 Title A name given to the resource Mark Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Palo Alto, California (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource First Presbyterian Church California Henderson, Mitzi More Light Presbyterians for LGBT Concerns Ordination Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) Presbyterian Presbyterian Church (USA) https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/a79a526a6c3ba03bd1fafe8a034b4ee0.jpg a37e768d4fd5bc6f77e28d193da40166 https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/ed16ec609fc2fe73d5cb1ab2f64b7dc2.jpg 356fcec593f3758286d6f8d0faef7440 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Mark (Church of the Covenant, Boston MA) Stole Text MARK Denomination Presbyterian Church (USA) United Church of Christ Contribution Date 2001 Contribution Story <p></p> <p>This is one of 52 stoles donated to the Shower of Stoles collection by members and staff of Church of the Covenant.  Although each of the stoles is unique, all of them are tied together by the inclusion of a piece cloth from a common bolt of blue and ivory material somewhere in the stole.  Covenant is both a More Light and Open and Affirming Congregation.  Their strong and public advocacy on behalf of LGBT persons in the life and leadership of the church has drawn many LBGT persons to become a part of the Covenant church family.  Their 52 stoles represent the largest subset of stoles given to the collection by any one congregation.</p> <p>Church of the Covenant, a federated United Church of Christ and Presbyterian Church, is steeped in history.  Located just off the Boston Commons, the Gothic revival building erected in the mid-1800's was one of the first churches built in the Back Bay area.  In the 1890's the sanctuary was completely redecorated by Tiffany Glass and Decorating Co., including the creation of an extraordinary set of Tiffany stained-glass windows and a chandelier that is said to be the first electrified light installed in a public building by Thomas Edison.</p> <p>Covenant's history of social justice and human rights work is equally rich.  When I visited Covenant, I was intrigued to learn that the church was a designated stop along the "Boston Women's Heritage Trail."  One of Covenant's members, Abbie Child, was the head of the Women's Board of Missions of the Congregational Church in the late 1800's.  Another member, Dr. Elsa Meder, was one of the first women ordained as an elder in the Presbyterian Church.  Elizabeth Rice and Alice Hageman, ordained in 1974 and 1975 respectively, were the first women to serve as pastors at a Back Bay church.  When they were joined by Donna Day Lower, the church became the only one in the United States with three women clergy.  Since opening the "Women's Lunch Place" in 1982, the church has served as a haven for poor women and their children.  It is fitting, then, that one of the Tiffany windows is "Four Women of the Bible," including Miriam, Deborah, Mary of Bethany, and Dorcas.  Covenant remains on the forefront of work for equality and justice, and is active in the LGBT Welcoming movement in the Boston area and beyond.</p> <p><strong>Martha Juillerat</strong><br />Founder, Shower of Stoles Project<br />2006</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 779 Title A name given to the resource Mark (Church of the Covenant, Boston MA) Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Boston, Massachusetts (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Church of the Covenant Boston Clergy Activist Feminism Massachusetts More Light Presbyterians for LGBT Concerns Open and Affirming in the UCC (ONA) Ordination Presbyterian Presbyterian Church (USA) Theology United Church of Christ Women and Religion https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/f62d2af21975779dbffb21bbecf6304b.jpg 9b4dcc8655d34e63e26681ff78027d7a Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Mark Bowman https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/735b588f641bdd3dff29fe88849f9fae.jpg ea509c5b21a7212fed71127482258d45 Person An individual. Text Any textual data included in the document <p><a href="mailto:mark@rollingthestoneaway.org">mark@rollingthestoneaway.org</a></p> <p><strong>Mark Bowman<span>&nbsp;</span></strong>has been the coordinator of the LGBT Religious Archives Network since its inception in 2001. He first became publicly involved in Affirmation: United Methodists for LGBT Concerns in 1980. He played a key role in the founding of the Reconciling Congregation Program (now Reconciling Ministries Network) in 1984 and served as co-coordinator and later executive director until 1999. Through the publication of the quarterly magazine<span>&nbsp;</span><em>Open Hands</em><span>&nbsp;</span>Mark was instrumental in building ecumenical connections and partnerships in the Welcoming Church Movement. He served as staff coordinator for the WOW 2000 and WOW 2003 Conferences. He lives in Chicago where he is a part-time church musicians and juggles a number of part-time projects in LGBT or church networks.</p> Biographical Text <p><a href="mailto:mark@rollingthestoneaway.org">mark@rollingthestoneaway.org</a></p> <p><strong>Mark Bowman<span>&nbsp;</span></strong>has been the coordinator of the LGBT Religious Archives Network since its inception in 2001. He first became publicly involved in Affirmation: United Methodists for LGBT Concerns in 1980. He played a key role in the founding of the Reconciling Congregation Program (now Reconciling Ministries Network) in 1984 and served as co-coordinator and later executive director until 1999. Through the publication of the quarterly magazine<span>&nbsp;</span><em>Open Hands</em><span>&nbsp;</span>Mark was instrumental in building ecumenical connections and partnerships in the Welcoming Church Movement. He served as staff coordinator for the WOW 2000 and WOW 2003 Conferences. He lives in Chicago where he is a part-time church musicians and juggles a number of part-time projects in LGBT or church networks.</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Mark Bowman Mark Bowman RTSA Conference Staff Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Mark Gruber Stole Text Mark Gruber United Methodist Church As the song of a United Methodist pastor, I grew up with deep love for Jesus Christ and His church at the center of my life. In 1983, after beginning a career in elementary education, I felt my own powerfully clear call to the ordained ministry. Heeding that call, the following year I began full-time seminary studies and began serving a Northern Virginia parish as assistant pastor. My sense of joy and certainty in responding to God’s call was absolute. Unfortunately, I began my studies and parish ministry in the year that this denomination issued its decree against the ordination of “self-professing” homosexuals. While I had not yet declared my sexual orientation – to myself or to the world at large – its reality was becoming undeniably clear inside me. Not wishing to be an embarrassment to the church I loved, and believing that I had been created for better than a life of loneliness and lies, I withdrew from seminary and returned to the teaching career that I had previously begun. To this day, twenty-six years later, I grieve my departure from the path I had begun toward ordained parish ministry. God has blessed me with continuing opportunities to serve within this troubled denomination that I love, despite it all, and with the miracle of a wonderful husband with whom to share my life and faith journey. Denomination United Methodist Church Contribution Date 2012 Contribution Story The stoles for Mark Gruber and Rachel Small Stokes were made and donated by Mandi Janis. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 1154 Title A name given to the resource Mark Gruber Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Unknown, (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Mandi Janis Gruber, Mark Janis, Mandi Methodist Ordination Theology United Methodist Church United States Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Shower of Stoles Description An account of the resource Items (stoles) for the Shower of Stoles exhibit Stole A stole in the Shower of Stoles exhibit Honoree The person honored by the creation of thestole. Mark Haberman Stole Text Mark Haberman's first home was a seminary apartment at Drew Theological Seminary where his father was studying for ministry in the United Methodist Church.  While yet a child, Mark sensed God's call to ministry through the corporate worship of God.  Throughout twenty-four years, he served in music  and program ministry in three United Methodist churches in Minnesota, Iowa, and Idaho, first as a layperson, later as a diaconal minister and finally as a deacon in full connection.  Following the dissolution of his marriage, Mark chose to be "selectively out" for over five years before leaving the church in 2000.  He now serves as a non-profit program manager. Denomination United Methodist Church Contribution Date 2000 Contribution Story <p></p> <p>Mark Haberman originally gave us this stole anonymously.  After "coming out" and leaving the United Methodist church, Mark wrote us in 2002 and asked that his story be amended to include his name.  Mark is one of at least a dozen people represented in this collection who had hoped to follow a parent in the ministry but could not fulfill that calling because of their sexual orientation.</p> <p>This stole in advance of the 2000 General Conference of the United Methodist Church in Cleveland, OH.  In 1999, the Reconciling Ministries Network (RMN) inquired about the possibility of having a display of the Shower of Stoles at the General Conference the following April.  At the time, there were only around twenty United Methodist stoles in the collection.  We decided to introduce the Shower of Stoles to the Reconciling community by bringing the twenty UM stoles and about a hundred others to RMN’s Convocation in Denton, TX over the Labor Day weekend.  Stoles started to trickle in during the fall, and by February they began coming in droves.  In all, we received 220 United Methodist stoles – the vast majority of them arriving within eight weeks of the Conference.  Thanks to a monumental effort by a number of volunteers who pitched in to help record, inventory, sew labels and make last-minute repairs, all of the new stoles were present in Cleveland.  Twenty more people brought stoles directly to Cleveland, bringing the total number on display to 240.</p> <p>Towards the end of the General Conference, twenty eight lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender United Methodists and allies stood on the Conference floor in silent protest over the Conference’s failure to overturn the ban on LGBT ordination – a profound witness and act of defiance for which they were later arrested.  As these twenty eight moved to the front of the room, another 200 supporters stood up around the balcony railing, each wearing one of the new United Methodist stoles.  Hundreds more stood in solidarity as well, in the balcony and on the plenary floor, wearing symbolic “stoles” made from colorful bands of cloth.  A group of young people from Minneapolis, members of a Communicant’s Class, had purchased bolts of cloth the preceding evening and stayed up all night cutting out close to a thousand of these “stoles."  In less than eight months, a handful of stoles had grown to become a powerful, visible witness to the steadfast faith of LGBT United Methodists nationwide.</p> <p><b>Martha Juillerat<br /></b>Founder, Shower of Stoles Project<br />2006</p> Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Identifier An unambiguous reference to the resource within a given context 634 Title A name given to the resource Mark Haberman Coverage The spatial or temporal topic of the resource, the spatial applicability of the resource, or the jurisdiction under which the resource is relevant Coeur d'Alene, Idaho (USA) Contributor An entity responsible for making contributions to the resource Mark Haberman Clergy Activist Haberman, Mark Idaho Methodist Ordination Reconciling Ministries Network (formerly Reconciling Congregation Program) Theology United Methodist Church