75 20 2479 https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/a2facd0b5d7a27c4ab65eb7de7b54782.pdf ac80bd9d9291de1d9f429868b553d31f Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 2 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1986 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 2 No 2 - Images of Healing Source A related resource from which the described resource is derived II'JII qour"earl frue -fo mq " earf al mI-ne II-f 0 q OUTJI____ _ ';Jf if ii, give ~1Il{}SO me qour"and:' Z';}(ingl 10:15 1Jo1. 2, ""0_ 2 'iJou,..,. I 0/ t"e~econcilingCongregation","ogram ~ The Reconciling Congregation Program i a network of United M thodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. These congregations strive to offer the hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Enablers are available locally to assist a congregation which is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Open Hands (formerly Manna for the Journey) is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It seeks to address concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. Contributing to This Issue: Susan R Beehler Marshall Jones Kathy Black Julie Morrissey Ralph Blair Beth Richardson Mark Bowman Bradley Rymph Rita Nakashima Wendy Tate Brock James S. Tinney Guy Charles Quentin L. Hand Graphic artist Hoyt L. Hickman Brenda Roth Open Hands (formerly Manna tor the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription IS $10 for four Issues. Single copies are available for $3 each. PermiSSion to repnnt is granted upon request. Reprints of certam articles are available as Indicated in the issue. Subscnptlons and correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Copyright 1986 by Affirmation United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 \I'JIJ your #]earl frue -to my "eart af mine if to youn/___ _ ';JI it if, give ~lI JOS(j me your"and:' 2 ';}(ingf JC:J5 l.,\,Lz,Xz al of t"e~concilingCongregation ~ogram Contents Healing is a word that scares many gay men and lesbians when used in a spiritual context. Too many of us have experienced families trying to cart us off to psychiatrists to make us "normal" or telling us that, if our faith were only strong enough, God would "cure" us. Yet healing is meant to be a positive, enlivening term-the making whole of something that was previously broken. That is the meaning we affirm in this issue of Open Hands. Quentin L. Hand opens our examination with "Saved and Sound" (p. 6), a reflection on the relationship between salvation and healing and how sexual orientation fits into that relationship. Hand's analysis is supplemented by discussions of what healing can mean from two alternative theological perspectives. In uCharismatic Healing and Homosexuality" (p. 8), James S. Tinney discusses Pentecostal concepts of healing and what they might offer gay men and lesbians. Rita Nakashima Brock shares what healing means to her as a Christian feminist in "Feminism, Healing, and Christ" (p. 10). In the midst of the AIDS crisis, healing can have special meaning for gay men, as well as their friends and families. Wendy Tate, in UHealing Ministries and AIDS" (p. 12), shares what she learned through her work as a chaplain with persons with AIDS. No examination of healing as it relates to gay men and lesbians would be complete without a look at the so-called "ex-gay" movement that remains popular in some Christian circles. Ralph Blair studies the history and claims of this movement in uThe Real Changes Taking Place" (p. 13), finding it seriously lacking in credibility and success. Guy Charles-a gay man who founded and, for a time, led one "ex-gay" organization-shares his insider's perspective in HOne Former 'Ex-Gay' Leader's Story" (p. 18). Coming to accept and love persons with sexual orientations different from one's own can be a slow, even painful process of healing. Members of two Reconciling Congregations discuss how they are working through this process in HHealing through Reconciliation" (p. 20). In SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT (p. 23), we offer HBeyond Our Healing, " by Susan R. Beehler and Rev. Kathy Black. This song celebrates the healing that flows from community, enabling us to move beyond our souls' wounding to "greet the sunrise" and "heal the world." Beehler is minister of program at Metropolitan Memorial UMC in Washington, D.C. Black is the pastor of Magothy Church of the Deaf (UMC) in Severna Park, Maryland. Our consideration of healing is rounded out in RESOURCES (p. 24), with a bibliography of materials that further discuss healing's many images. As usual, the RCP REPORT (p. 3) brings us up to date on what is happening in our Reconciling Congregation family. Next issue's theme: Homophobia 2/0pen Hands • • IA AL • Northern Illinois Declared "Reconciling Conference" "'J"'fhe Northern Illinois Annual .I. Conference of the United Methodist Church adopted a resolution urging its local churches to become Reconciling Congregations and declaring itself to be a "Reconciling Conference." The resolution, adopted at its June 1986 meeting, reads as follows: WHEREAS Jesus taught us that we are called to be the good neighbor to all persons regardless of their identity; and WHEREAS Paragraph 7lF of the Social Principles reads in part: Homosexual persons are "individuals ofsacred worth, who need the ministry and guidance of the Church in their struggles for human fulftllment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship which enables reconciling relationships with God, with others and with self." (The 1984 Book of Discipline); and WHEREAS homosexual United Methodists might misconstrue Paragraph 402.2 of The 1984 Book ofDiscipline as an absolute ban on the participation of lesbians and gay men in the representative ministries and general mission of the United Methodist Church; THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the Northern Illinois Conference urges each local church to become a "Reconciling Congregation" by studying and adopting the materials of the Reconciling Congregation Program which affirms the full participation of all persons, regardless of sexual identity, in the life of the congregation; and BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Northern Illinois Conference declare itself a "Reconciling Conference," affirming the full participation of gay men and lesbians in the life of this Annual Conference . R'I Resolutions on Civil Rights "'J"'fhe Wyoming Annual Conference .I. (northeastern Pennsylvania and southern New York) passed a resolution "supporting state legislation that would prohibit discrimination on the basis ofone's sexual orientation." A resolution ofthe Pacific Northwest Annual Conference urged opposition to referenda threatening the civil rights of lesbians and gay men. The texts of these two resolutions are: WHEREAS our church "affirms all persons as equally valuable in the sight of God." (par. n, 1984 Discipline); and WHEREAS "homosexual persons no less than heterosexual persons are individuals of sacred worth, who need the ministry and guidance of the Church in their struggles for human fulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship which enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self. Further we insist that all persons are entitled to have their human and civil rights ensured, though we do not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching." (par. 71, 1984 Discipline); and WHEREAS "the rights and privileges a society bestows upon or withholds from those who comprise it indicates the relative esteem in which that society holds particular persons or groups of persons." (par. n, 1984 Discipline); THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the Wyoming Conference of the United Methodist Church goes on record as supporting stale legislation that would prohibit discrimination on the basis of one's sexual orientation in employment, housing, public accommodation and in any other area of civil rights. -Wyoming Conference BE IT RESOLVED that in response to the Gospel ofgrace and justice, this Annual Conference supports those civil measures that affirm the rights of all people, regardless of their sexual orientation, to be free of harassment and discrimination in matters of housing, job-security, public safety, insurance coverage, and full medical treatment. WE COMMEND the King County Council for its support of anti-discrimination measures, and Governor Booth Gardner for his executive order which assures that protection also for all state employees under his jurisdiction. AND, FURTHERMORE, we urge all United Methodists to vote for referenda protecting civil rights for lesbians and gay men in the King County election of September 1986 and against Initiative 490 or any other measure which would threaten civil rights in the Washington state election of November 1986 as steps to further secure such rights. -Pacific Northwest Conference AIDS Resolutions A t least 14 annual conferences 1"1.adopted resolutions related to the AIDS crisis this spring and summer. Common points among the various resolutions were: 1) urging increased education of all persons about AIDS; 2) calling for increased funding and expanded efforts in research and treatment by public and private agencies; and 3) encouraging local churches to be in ministry with persons with AIDS (PWAs) and their families. In . addition to those common points, several annual conferences (North Arkansas, North Indiana, Desert Southwest, Florida) appealed for the protection ofthe civil rights of PWAs. Rocky Mountain and Pacific Northwest asked local churches to take a special offering to contribute to programs providing services for PWAs. Further actions by general church boards were requested by Northern New Jersey and CaliforniaPacific. We provide the texts of some of the resolutions: WHEREAS Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) is a major health crisis in our world, nation, and some of our churches, and science has not yet found a cure for this painful and usually fatal disease, and (cont.) Open Hands/3 • • • • • • • WHEREAS many persons in our local churches live in fear of developing this disease, or that a friend or relative will develop this disease. BE IT RESOLVED 1) that the North Texas Conference of the United Methodist Church be intentional in prayerful concern for all persons with this disease and seek to educate our members on the facts and fallacies of AIDS and ARC (AIDS Related Complex). 2) That our Conference encourage government and private agencies in continuing the search for the cure, prevention, and treatment of this disease. 3)That pastors and lay members of our churches recognize our calling to be in ministry to persons with this disease and also to those families and friends affected by it. 4) That we seek ways to disseminate information about this disease, recognizing our need to learn more about its cause and treatment. In carrying out this objective, we refer this resolution to the Division of Health and Welfare urging them to act as soon as feasible. -North Texas Conference RESOLVED that each local church in the Pacific Northwest Conference be encouraged to take a Sunday offering during the coming year in support of programs to provide housing and medical services with advanced cases of AIDS. FURTHERMORE the Conference Board of Global Ministries be directed to provide sample bulletin inserts for the offering to be included in the coordinated mailing and be directed to select authorized agencies within the bounds of the PNWAC to receive the funds collected. -Pacific Northwest Conference WHEREAS it is estimated that over a million people in over 70 countries have been infected with the AIDS virus, a disease that almost always leads to death; and the tragedy of this disease is further compounded by its psychological, emotional and social impact on the family and friends of victims and on the community in general, and WHEREAS a usually compassionate and caring community has been slow to respond to this crisis because of lack of accurate information, fear and prejudice and because we often have viewed the problem as limited to and affecting only a certain group of people, not ourselves, and WHERE.AS it is the unique and special calling of the Church to minister in just such a situation in the name and spirit of Jesus Christ, THEREFORE we call upon the Church of the North Arkansas Conference at the local, district and conference level to: 1) Become informed by studying the basic information available on AIDS from various sources. We especially recommend the engage/ 4/ 0pen Hands social action forum 123 available from the General Board of Church and Society. In turn, help to inform the community by sharing information with the public. 2) Work with local and state health agencies and other health professionals to promote programs of research, prevention, treatment and other related services such as the formation of support groups for AIDS victims and their families, while at the same time work to protect the health of the community at large. 3) Develop sensitivity to human rights issues and concerns deriving from the AIDS crisis, such as rights of privacy and access to public institutions and freedom from discrimination and harassment. -North Arkansas Conference WHEREAS Jesus of Nazareth reached into the lives ofthose whose minds and bodies had been destroyed by disease, spoke for those whose ability to speak for themselves had been denied them, and exposed the foolishness offear and oppression against the powerless, and WHEREAS he liberated those suffering from social, physical and spiritual diseases, and WHEREAS the church is called to follow the example of Jesus Christ as it ministers to those who are stricken with disease or are victims of political and social oppression, THEREFORE, LET IT BE RESOLVED that the churches of the North Indiana Conference I) Provide opportunities for objective education about Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS); 2) Provide personnel, materials, space, etc., as needed to groups developing support systems for AIDS victims and their families; 3) Provide opportunities for reconciliation between AIDS victims and the greater community; 4) Take seriously the fears surrounding the AIDS controversy while exposing the misunderstandings which create those fears; 5) Speak out in words and action on behalf of victims whose civil rights are being denied them due to their disease; 6) Consider specialized ministry to AIDS victims and their families; 7) And, advocate for the rights ofvictims in all forums. -North Indiana Conference In addition to the conferences mentioned above, AIDS resolutions were adopted by Baltimore, California-Nevada, Kansas East, Minnesota, and South Georgia. Texts of all the AIDS resolutions can be obtained by writing to Open Hands. Recognition must be given to the Methodist Federation for Social Action (MFSA) for its work on behalf of many of the lesbian/gayrelated resolutions adopted at annual conferences this year. MFSA members and local chapters were active in writing and advocating these resolutions. Oregon-Idaho Lays Groundwork for Reconciling Congregation Program ~irty-five persons attended the .I. Mfirmation meeting during the Oregon-Idaho Annual Conference session in June 1986. Much of the meeting was devoted to planning for the future of the Reconciling Congregation Program there. Participants in the meeting developed a list of steps and suggestions for preparing local churches to become Reconciling Congregations. That list included: -Prepare yourself through reading and study, getting to know openly gay and lesbian persons. -Assume there are lesbians and gay men in any group ofpersons. -Don't allow put-downs to pass by unchallenged. -Use prayers ofpetition and intercession for gay/lesbian people and their families, including specifics such as AIDS, Julian Rush. -Use gay/lesbian positive illustrations in sermons, liturgies, prayers. -Find ways to expand the terminology used about relationships. -Have positive gay/lesbian literature in the literature rack. -Host workshops on human sexuality, homosexuality, and the church. -Support social/cultural/sharing activities for lesbians and gay men; use church facilities for such groups. -Ask the Pastor-Parish Relations Committee and other committees how they would have the pastor answer the question: '1s this a church which welcomes lesbian/gay persons?" -Always emphasize the word reconciling when talking about the program. -Discover and tell stories ofchurch growth resultingjrom being a Reconciling Congregation. - I ~ II current wording which intends moral has developed a resource packet for The NCC Task Force on AIDS character on the part of ministers congregations. It can be ordered for and so as not to single out one par$5.00 (prepaid) from: NCC Task ticular behavior as immoral. Force on AIDS, 475 Riverside Drive • Also denied were overtures that (572), New York, NY 10115. would have given the presbyteries ultimate authority in ordination of ministers and sessions the same authority for deacons and elders. Civil Rights Threatened Park Slope UMC Hosts These overtures were denied so as to in California maintain the connectionalism of Nicaraguan President ~proposition to appear on the the church. Daniel Ortega, president of Nica1" 1.California state ballot this NoIn other action, the Generalragua, addressed the worship vember would classify AIDS as a Assembly adopted a resolution callservice of Park Slope UMC, a Recon" contagious" disease and would ing for various actions in behalf ofciling Congregation in Brooklyn, place severe restrictions on persons persons with AIDS, their families, New York, on July 27. Ortega apwith AIDS or AIDS-related comand loved ones. pealed to the congregation to encourplex, persons who test positive for Members of Presbyterians forage the U.S. government to cease the HTLV-III antibody, and even Lesbian/Gay Concerns were highly support for the contras, who are persons suspected of testing positive. visible during the General Assembly. attempting to overthrow the NicaSuch persons would be barred from Their luncheon attracted 200 persons. raguan government. teaching, going to school, or working Ortega's address received an in medical, food service, or other enthusiastic response from the 400 public-contact areas. The wording of persons crowded into the church Back Issues Available the proposition is vague enough that building and the large crowd gathered I ssues of Open Hands are good such persons could be quarantined outside. The worship service received resources for local church study by the California State Health Dewidespread coverage in the religious groups. Back issues can be ordered partment. and secular media. for $3.00 each (20 or more copies are Proposition 64 was initiated by a Ortega's visit to Park Slope was $2.50 each) from: Open Hands, P.O. group related to Lyndon LaRouche's preceded by a trip to Nicaragua by Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. National Democratic Policy Comseveral members of the congregation Issues available are: mittee. The initiative has built on the this past April. At that time Park -"Be Ye Reconciled" (Summer ignorance and irrational fears about Slope established a covenant rela1985) AIDS that many people continue to tionship with La Merced Christian -"Living & Dying with AIDS" have. Because of this, opponents of Base Community. (Fall 1985) -"A Matter of Justice" (Winter Proposition 64 believe it may be difficult to defeat. Churches and individuals who 1986) -"Our Families" (Spring 1986) National Days want more information or wish to -"Our Churches' Policies" provide support for efforts against of Prayer and Healing (Summer 1986) Proposition 64 can contact: NO on for Persons with AIDS LaRouche Initiative, 7985 Santa 'T'fhe National Council of Monica Blvd., #109-174, Los Angel• Churches (NCC) is calling on all es, CA 90046.213/738-8245. Financial Support churches in its 31 Protestant and Orthodox communions to recognize Appreciated November 3-9 as National Days of M any thanks to those who made Presbyterians Maintain Prayer and Healing for all persons extra contributions with the related to the AIDS crisis. Status Quo on Ordination renewal of their Open Hands The call to National Days of General Assembly of the subscriptions. TIe Prayer and Healing is one part of a Also we are grateful for a $4,000 resolution, "The Churches' ResPresbyterian Church (U.S.A.) grant that we received from Chicago ponse to the AIDS Crisis," approved dismissed two opposing groups of Resource Center this past summer unanimously by the NCC Governovertures regarding ordination durand a special donation of over $230 ing Board in May 1986. The resoluing its June 1986 session. from a Gay Pride worship offering at tion also encourages local churches One group would have inserted Bethany UMC (San Francisco). to engage in various actions and various words concerning the moral All of these contributions and ministries to persons with AIDS and character of ministers, deacons, and more are crucial in moving us fortheir families. elders into the Book of Order. These ward on our common journey . • overtures were denied in favor of Open Handsl5 he gospels tell us that Christians are to have an abundant life (In. 10: 10). They are to be set free by the truth (In. 8:32). Jesus clearly viewed obedience to his teaching as the appropriate response to this life that God offers. Still, the exact meanings of this promise of free, abundant life continue to be debated among Christians, as they have been through the centuries. Too often, Christians of different persuasions have claimed that they have exclusive understanding of what Christian faith and salvation mean and require. They have appeared to regard any spiritual experiences different from their own as "not Christian." One way in which this spiritual exclusivism is practiced by some Christians today is in their attitudes toward homosexuality. These believers frequently maintain that a gay man or lesbian could not possibly also be a "saved" Christian, saying that a truly "saved" Christian would be "healed" of his or her homosexuality. Such views are far too simplistic for Christian thinking and acting. They cannot stand when theological meanings of salvation and spiritually based healing are carefully examined. Defining Salvation To be "saved" is to be in a relationship with God in ======= which the divine love and acceptance is present for -___the person and the person is both committed to God in ----love and seeking to live in loving ways toward God and others. For Christians, this includes acknowledging Jesus as the One who shows God to us and was God among us. Some Christians speak ofbeing "saved" as having had a conversion experience. This experience is a moment or by Quentin L. Hand event, usually emotionally intense, that the person remembers as a turning point in life. Nevertheless, such an instantaneous event-no matter how significant and moving for the one who experiences it-may initiate but does not constitute a "saved" relationship with God. Rather, such a relationship exists in a day-by-day, ongoing commitment to God expressed in loving actions. Salvation must always exist within a broader context ofthe people of God. God's covenant is always, first, with a group of persons and, second, with an individual as a member of the group. After the flood God's covenant was not just with Noah but "with all living beings" (Gen. 9: 12). The covenant with Abram (Gen. 15:18) included all of Abram's descendants. The Sinai covenant was with the Hebrews as a people, not Moses as an individual. Jesus often ministered to persons, but his message was of the Realm of God or ofa new age for all who heard. The Holy Spirit was given to the entire Church on the day of Pentecost rather than to one, two, or a few individuals. Paul wrote to congregations rather than individuals. Even when dealing with such personal issues as the runaway slave Onesimus (Phm.) or the incestuous Corinthian (1 Cor. 5:1), Paul addressed the congregation. A covenant is an agreement of commitment between two or more parties. God's covenant with anyone always implies that person's membership in God's family. Hence the way in which one does or does not love the sisters and brothers, the way in which one provides for another's needs or ignores them, is interwoven with the commitment made to God. Ifone does not love the sister or brother that is seen, that person is not able to love the unseen God (1 In. 4: 19-5:2). Welcoming the stranger, clothing the naked, feeding the hungry, caring for one of the least important persons is an expression of caring for the "Son of Man" (Mt. 25:31-46). Hence, while being "saved" is a relationship that each 6/ 0pen Hands I • individual may have, it is first the community or family of God that has the saving relationship and second the person. We learn to love within a family or group who loves us. We become capable of loving others because we participate in a loving group. We become capable of making and keeping a promise because others have been faithful to us. Any personal commitment to God inevitably means being a member of some form of congregation, or community, as a visible, real expression of God's people. As a congregation, and as members of congregations, loving others includes awareness of and appreciation for the differences that God has created. Learning to accept others as God accepts them, to recognize there are different gifts for the upbuilding ofthe body ofChrist, to give thanks for their contribution to the Church and to our salvation, are parts of our commitment to God and our love for God's works. Relating Salvation to Health Any theological understanding of health must reflect ----this concept of community-based salvation. A ,...---,...-___ healthy, or sound, body is the result not only of one's own ----attention to well being but also of a community that provides good food and sanitation and protection from the elements. A healthy relationship includes one or more parties who stabilize the soundness. A person can become spiritually sound only through a healthy relationship with God and with community. The goal of a true spiritual quest is never health or, in some other way, to improve one's personal life. *To be real, a spiritual quest must be to know God. The goal must be to enlarge and enrich the exchange between God and others of God's people and oneself; to commit oneself continually to love God and others; to reach out to invite others into a loving relationship with God. Having a salvific relationship should make a difference in the way that a Christian makes commitments and keeps relationships. It may, for example, lead to reduced conflicts with others, less frantic efforts to gratify one's own wishes, and increased willingness to meet others' needs. But neither divinely created givens (such as one's skin color) nor humanly created givens (for example, amputation of a diseased arm to save a life) will be changed. Salvation can change destructive sexual behavior, but will not change sexual orientation. Ofcourse, a close tie does exist between one's physical body and one's psychological and spiritual state. The study ofpsychosomatic medicine shows, for example, that constant worry can produce stomach ulcers, a strong drive to succeed may contribute to heart attacks, and people with poor emotional control are accident prone. A trust in God that enables one to reduce fears and anxieties about tomorrow makes for better digestion, uninterrupted sleep, and improved health. Psychotherapists observe that as people learn to improve their relationships with others they have lower blood pressure, better muscle tone and skin color, and fewer illnesses. It must also be acknowledged that there are many references in the Bible where God gives health to some Is Homosexuality a Sickness? The assertion that homosexuality Is a sickness, and therefore a punishment sent by God, is simplistic and Incorrect. The American Psychiatric Association removed homosexuality from its list of mental illnesses in 1973. Recent scientific studies have shown that homosexuality Is a natural condition, affecting about 10% of all known animal and human populations.1 The . mental health of lesbians and gay men, as measured by standard psychological tests, is as sound as, or even better than, that of the general population. And, while some persons argue that the homosexual condition can be traced to abnormal childhood situations, the overwhelming scientific evidence is that there is no known "cause" for homosexuality at this time.2 -Quentin L. Hand 1. William Paul et aI., Homosexuality: Social, Psychological, and 8iologlcal lssues (Beverly Hills, Calif.: Sage Publications, 1982). 2. Alan P. 8ell, Martin S. Weinberg, and Sue Kiefer Hammersmith, Sexual Preference: Its Development In Men and Women (Bloomington, Ind.: Indiana University Press, 1981). who ask. Jesus' healing miracles were evidences that God was present with humans for their physical as well ~s their spiritual welfare. And there are references in which people believe that sickness is a sign ofGod's punishment. So there is some basis for the assumption that health indicates God's favor while illness is a sign one has done wrong. But the relationship between God and human health is not so easy. The book ofJob wrestles with the problem of undeserved suffering. The dedicated Roman Catholic priest, Father Damien, who worked among lepers and contracted the disease, is evidence that illness is not a sign of God's disapproval. It is idolatrous to use mental or physical health criteria as measures of one's relationship with God. To do so substitutes human measures for the theological standards of love for God and others expressed in service relieving human misery. To claim that God gives health and hence only the healthy have received God's favor, or that God gives freedom so only the free are God's chosen, ignores the reality that many ill and dying persons and many who are bound by social or political factors are acknowledged as "saved." The definition ofhomosexuality as an "illness" or a "sin" is, then, arbitrary and without theological substance. The needed change is the furthering of the covenant community within which individual salvation can occur. The reconciliation of God and persons requires the presence of a reconciling people, or congregation. Under( continued on pg. 8) ·Sometimes, nowadays, the primary fruits ofan individual's being "saved" seem to be disguised individualism and thinly hidden self-centeredness. Such a person may tell of how his or her life has improved and how he or she is more at peace since being "born again" (referring to the requirement Jesus made of Nicodemus in In. 3:3). Open Hands/7 ---Saved and Sound (continued) ---standing God as Trinity provides the ground that the divine love was the act of a "community," the three Persons, wanting other persons to receive and retu:n t~at love. As we know that love in the saved relationshIp WIth God we want to assist others to realize they are members of God's family. Our mission is telling of and sharing God's action. A "saved" and sound congregation provides both acceptance for each member and stimulation for growth in spiritual living. It strives to offer introduction to the varieties of theological positions, to the many ways that religious people receive God, so that all benefit. Through it the charismatic and the liturgist can seek to learn from e~ch other, and the monastic and the social actionist can recognize that each enriches the Christian mission. Men and women members of different races and of different ethnic groups, can understand that, because of biosocial factors, their experiences are not identical; they can rejoice in the Creator's abundance. Heterosexuals ~nd homosexuals can discover that each knows somethIng about love's gifts and expressions to enlarge the others' understanding. The varieties of creation are unlimited. But we humans become anxious in the presence of the unknown, the unfamiliar, the different. We build barriers of distance and isolation between nations, races, neighbors and groups, denominations and congregations, .and individual Christians. In so doing, we provide safety for ourselves and our group at the expense of unity and harm?ny. ":Ie become able to avoid the unexpected and to hve WIth equanimity, but we also restrict our love to those like ourselves. A sound congregation seeks both to receive God's love and to share God's love in all of its forms. A sound congregation does not fear differences, for "there is no fear in love" (1 Jn. 4: 18). Its members actively work for reconciliation among themselves and with those outside of the congregation. They seek reconciliation both between persons and God and between persons with one another. They strive to provide the setting in which individuals can realize their salvation. Being "saved" is a question neither of health no~ of 1----being good. One need not have a sound body or m~nd I-----to have a saving relationship with God. A savIng I-----relationship is one of love, of God's love for us and of our loving commitment to God. This commit~ent le~ds ~o loving actions. And the foremost of these lovIng actIOns IS to promote the reconciliation of God's people with one another. In the context of the concerns of this journal, it means straight and lesbian and gay persons all seeking to know and love each other as members of God's family .• Quentin L. Hand, B.D., Ph.D., is a United Methodist minister. He served in pastorates for 18 years before being appointed to his present position as Associate Professor of Psychology and Pastoral Counseling, Candler School of Theology, Emory University, Atlanta, Ga. entecostals and charismatics* have always differed from other evange~icals. in their insistence that all of the sIgn gtfts (Mk. 16:17-18, 1 Cor. 12: 1-11) of the Holy Spirit are available to every Christian today. While a number of spiritual gifts are evidenced, two or t~ree have always been most visible in their circles: heahng, glossolalia (tongues-speaking), ~~d perhaps p~op~ecy. In addition, unlike older tradItIOnal denomInatIons (which at times emphasize spiri~al. healing), .Pentecostals insist that all the gifts are WIthIn the proVInce of all Christians and should operate on a continual basis in every congregation. . At first glance, it might seem that Pentecosta.hsm would have little of appeal to gay men and lesbIans. Charistmatics have, after all, generally aligned themselves with other anti-gay/lesbian conservatives in interdenominational alliances, and they do tend to dominate the New Religious Right. Yet individual Pentecostals have played a surprising role in the lesbian/gay Christia~ movement. ~e Universal Fellowship of Metropohtan CommunIty Churches was started by a Pentecostal minister, Troy Perry, and has always attracted a significant number of members from charistmatic backgrounds. The Pentecostal Coalition for Human Rights, begun in 1981, has more than 2,000 persons on its mailing list and participates in various gay/lesbian interfaith conferences and alliances. With the spread ofAIDS, many gay men are asking what promise for healing charismatic beliefs might offer. A cluster of beliefs underlies the Pentecostal doctrine of divine healing. ** Four beliefs are prominent: • God can heal; only sin and unbelief obstruct God's ability. . It is always God's will to heal every sickness and disease. • Faith (and sometimes obedience or "positive confession") is the requisite for obtaining healing. • A failure to be healed represents a fault in us, rather than fault, unwillingness, or delay on God's part. Pentecostals do not believe that healing is a necessary evidence or equivalence of salvation, however. Rather, in Wesleyan terms, it is more a "sign and seal" -a "sign" ofGod's power and presence within (and of *Formeriy, many persons read Pentecostal to refer to a ,,:,emb~r of a denomination espousing speaking in tongues, whereas chansmattc was used to refer to a member of a mainline denomination who exercised spiritual gifts such as tongues. Today, the two terms are used interchangeable, as is the case here. **Divine healing is Pentecostal language; faith healing is the term used by critics and the press; spiritual healing is more prevalent among non charismatic denominations. 8/0pen Hands God's personal care and concern) and a "seal," or sacramental act, much like baptism or the eucharist. This belief system often has not led openly gay men and lesbians to feel very welcome in Pentecostal circles. Many Pentecostals view gay men and lesbians as pariahs, true lepers. Homosexuality is, to these Pentecostals, "worse" than other "sins" or "sicknesses," simply because it does not conform or respond to charismatic healing. They conclude that either (1) homosexuals' failure to overcome this "sin" lies only in their human will or (2) the persistence of homosexual practice is a symptom of a deeper malady such as demonic possession. All-in-all, charismatic teachings on healing can be disastrous to the personal faith ofa gay man orlesbian. Instead of providing a sense of personal control, growth, assurance, and persistence, vibrant traditional Wesleyan doctrines of freedom of the will, the witness of the Spirit, and personal holiness can become harbingers of spiritual destitution. espite these difficulties, however, many charismatic gay men and lesbians seem to have reconciled their faith and sexuality. Gay and lesbian people still fill Pentecostal pews every Sunday; it has been estimated that up to 70 perent of men in Pentecostal churches are gay. Lesbians and gay men are a staple in the gospel music industry and performing circuit. What accounts for this? I think there are several reasons gay men and lesbians are attracted to Pentecostalism. One ofthese probably is Pentecostals' promise of instantaneous healing and deliverance, which can attract gay men and lesbians hoping for a heterosexual "cure" in orientation. Such a "healing" of homosexuality itself is, of course, a false hope, but Pentecostal experience can offer another, truer form of healing for gay men and lesbians. It can help them to reconcile their faith and sexuality and thus to experience real healing in terms of their intrapsychic selves. I know that, in my own experience, some elements in my religious background and tradition actually helped me to "come out" and facilitated my approach toward a more holistic, healthy lifestyle. What were these elements, which no doubt also operate in others' lives? Chief among the healing forces that operate within charismatic circles for gay men and lesbians, I think, are the following: The Importance of the body In worship and theology. That God cares enough about our bodies to want to heal us is just one example of this. Just as important-and just as healing-is the charismatic emphasis on touching, uplifted hands, and even praise-dancing in spontaneous fashion. Such practices provide a linkage for the embodiment of spirituality. The practice of glossolalia. Charismatics believe that tongues-speaking overcomes the usual route of the rational and provides an access to healing that enables the deepest recesses of our personalities to commune with God. An emphasis on biblical empiricism. Charismatics agree with John Wesley that ifinterpretation of scripture runs counter to human experience, then it is not scripture that is in error but the interpretation of it. In my case, after years of praying, fasting, selfdiscipline, and believing and "confessing" for deliverance, I suddenly realized that my spiritual and sexual experience both ran contrary to my biblical interpretations. Finally, I yielded to the consistency of biblical empiricism. A boldness, a zeal, a spontaneity, enabling persons to rise above their inhibitions. Pentecostals call this the "power of the Holy Spirit." Biblically, of course, such power was to enable the church to witness. But, in practical terms, it had a spillover effect in other areas as well. This "holy impulsiveness" is in reality a stimulus to take risks. No doubt my own ability to "come out" as an openly gay man was linked to the lessons I learned and the charisma I experienced. A sublimation of anger, a sate rebellion, encouraged by the charismatic dimension. Spiritual gifts represent "new wine," a kind of rebellion against religious authority and a reaction to what has been called "frozen theology." To an individual who feels circumscribed by overbearing structures, a healthy bit of self-assertion, such as the charismatic movement encourages, can be very healing. Finally, we should not overlook the fact that many of us need healing as gay men and lesbians. While our sexual orientation in itself is not evil, and while all homosexual activity is not sinful either, many of us bear much pain, abuse, and oppression. We often come from broken relationships with parents, teachers, preachers, peers, and even lovers. We experience frustration from false guilt, over-sensitivity, and other inner wounds from unhealed memories. And, in addition to all this, we experience the same fears and failures that are common to the human condition. Whether or not one agrees with typical charismatic theology or biblical interpretations is not the issue here. The point is that the charismatic dimension calls our attention-everyone's attention-to a whole arena of inner ministries by the Holy Spirit. In one sense, every Christian has chan'sma (which simply means, in New Testament Greek, a gift of grace). As Christians, we are all recipients ofthat grace. We are all gifted. In fact, every believer has the Holy Spirit living within-one who has come to accomplish many things in our lives, including healing. And I can testify that this One is, indeed, a "mighty good" Counselor and Healer! • James S. Tinney, Ph.D., is the pastor andfounder ofFaith Temple. a predominantly black gay/lesbian church in Washington. D.C., and the national director ofthe Pentecostal Coalition for Human Rights. Open Hands/ 9 lO/Open Hands Every summer since 1977 I have spent a week in August with 180 high school students and 25 adults in a process that is a magical 160 hours. Most of us strangers to each other, we are thrown together in a program designed to confront social issues such as racial and sexual identity, sexism, racism, and family interactions. The "Brother/Sisterhood Camp" is a project of the National Conference of Christians and Jews. Those precious days buoy my spirits all year and haunt me when I capitulate to flabby, dishonest relationships. The annual magic is conjured when we connect beyond the level of our most competent, "together" identities and the realness of the pain we all carry inside us becomes a healing power. A deeper connecting begins to allow change to happen and healing energies to surface. One moment in the week always astounds me with its power. An invited speaker talks to everyone about the fear and anger women feel at the threat of rape and about the real damage done long after the deed has happened. The speaker is angry, and she speaks with the force of her anger and of her concern for women. Some males react with hostitlity or defensiveness. Suddenly, the speaker stops and asks the women in the room to share their anger, their feelings about rape.The rape survivors, with support from their sisters, tell the horrifying tales and bare the hidden scars. Permission has been given for the truth to be told. The males are abruptly confronted, not by some strange speaker-one of those "libbers"-but by the female campers they have come to know and care about. Slowly, in the excruciating sharing of pain and terror, a transformation happens. A severer listening, a deeper hearing is taking place. Two events begin in those moments of truth spoken. The dominant-male/submissive-female ritual is exposed by those with the courage to name the truth of their lives. Behind the male hostility and defensiveness are fear, profound loneliness, and a raging sense of inadequacyfeelings embraced openly by many for the first time. With the embracing comes new feelings of shared pain with the women who speak. No longer just a victim's pain, the pain has become the shared hurt of honest relationships in which brokenness is named. And for those who had the courage to hear, to feel, and to speak, a new empowerment begins. As one women decides to say her life is important to her, and in her fear she tells the truth of her existence, others rise to support her and claim themselves. For some, the glimpses of transformation and empowerment illumine enough to light a way dimly to wholeness; for others they become a long-forgotten dream. Those brief, healing, summer hours lurk behind my every religious question. They also illustrate an important truth for me as a feminist and a Christian: only when we actually engage in the difficult and painful process of deep, intimate relationships with those who threaten and frighten our securely defined selves are our whole beings pulled into new ways of understanding that heal and nurture life. The power that comes from living in relational process transcends ideology in a closed universe and reaches for understanding. It transforms, empowers, and saves our lives. To develop and use this power is feminist freedom, a participation and presence in reality to the fullest extent possible. Freedom is to love ourselves and others deeply, and to be created continually by the many complex dimensions of relationship to ourselves and others. When we insist on the increase of this freedom we are led toward salvation. Salvation is the healing of life that emerges from our freedom and from the creative imagining ofa restored and whole existence. In the best offeminist visionaries such as Doris Lessing, Susan Griffin, Adrienne Rich, and Alice Walker, we encounter a persistent eros for wholeness-inprocess, for self-affirmation, for relationship, for forgiveness, and for the embracing of ambiguity as a key to self-discovery. Redemption as Healing Healing is the dominant image of much of feminism today. Those most wounded by reality are the most attuned to the brokenness of reality and the demands of relationships. Such sensitivity can heal. Pain is sometimes the only way to heal. When disease is deep, sometimes only a deep cut will lance the hidden infection. The healer's knife must have the courage to go deep. We dare not surrender our rage to safety or complacency as long as women continue to suffer the wounds of patriarchal violence.'Our anger is fueled by our longings for ourselves, each other, and a reality that does not destroy us. Shared pain brings empathy and compassion. Healing rejects coercive power and authority. Healing is its own authority; its energy cannot be controlled. Because healing is not based in control, it cannot work unilaterally. The internal wisdom of each of us must participate in and want wholeness before it will come. Hence, the healer cannot dictate healing, only offer and receive it . The primary context for healing is relationships. Healing requires an empathetic, compassionate participation in the life ofanother. Healing is engaged and active. It is a gentleness that is not afraid of pain but soothes encrusted wounds and makes them whole again. Profound healing functions only when individual persons are willing to be vulnerable and share intimate feelings. Healing requires calling up the depths of cold pain in ourselves and each other until the warmth of our own tenderness and yearning for each other makes us alive again. We destroy each other in increments by abandoning each other in our fear of what pain and the truth of our lives will do. To discover what does not destroy us, however, more than anger and passion are required. Healing needs imagination. Not only must we strive to see those we love fully and participate in their suffering; we need also to sustain a vision of Wholeness that imagines what is not yet a full reality. Imagination is a wellspring for trust and hope. Imagination must be alive in us as the searchlight for treasures yet unclaimed. Jesus as Healing Presence One life-giving image is that ofJesus Christ as a healer. Healing is the living Jesus' salvific power. Yet in our scientific age, sceptical of the miraculous, this image has been long-neglected. The Jesus of the early church recognizes the coercive powers behind some forms of pain. Evil is removed when it is acknowledged. Naming the powers and calling them out removes them. But Jesus is not concerned with placing ultimate blame for suffering. People ask to be healed, and he heals them because he has a vision of the wholeness that opens him to concrete persons in his presence. He stands with God against suffering and acts to purge illness. In the biblical stories, however, Jesus is not always the source of healing. In some stories, the faith and vulnerability of the sufferer usher in the miracle, and the healer-sufferer relationship produces wholeness. Jesus is the miracle worker, not the miracle itself. While healing is a proof of Jesus Christ's power, healing does not belong exclusively to Jesus. Mark 9:38ff, Luke 9: Iff, and Acts 3: Iff. tell of others who heal. Most receive their power through Jesus Christ, but in Luke 9:49-50 other healers are recognized as part ofGod's salvific work. Hence, healing can have an authority outside the realms ofJesus' powers. God is at work restoring creation even in unseen corners. The healing images of Christ are not the center of our faith, but they can nourish faith when they feed our power, a power that helps us save the images that restore us and lead us back to each other. Christ as healer need not be an image ofexclusive power and authority. Christ is an image of shared power that works and is increased only in the sharing. Healing reality does not emerge from a reliance on a past or future salvific event. Healing requires loving, imaginative presence here and now. And healing is to be in each other, loving ourselves and each other fiercely into wholeness.• From Christian Feminism by Judith Weidman, Copyright 1984 by Harper & Row, Publishers, San Francisco. Used with permission of Harper & Row, Publishers, San Francisco. Rita Nakashima Brock is director of the Women's. Studies Program at Stephens College, Columbia, Mo. A Ph.D. candidate at the Claremont Graduate School, she is working on a dissertation on feminism and Christology. She also writes on Asian women's theology, peace, power, and feminist understandings offreedom. Open Hands/ II 1\ the crisis ofAIDS has gro~ ten, silence is a powerful tool to be concepts of healing used when working at spirituality have expanded greatly as and prayer. well. Persons with AIDS (PWAs)Be informed. The more you faced with a clear threat to their continued existence-seem increasingly willing to "try anything" in the hope that some physical improvement may, indeed, occur. Widely varied therapies-imaging, zero-balancing, macrobiotics, positive thinking, herbal medications, and others-have grown in popularity. They now are frequently used in conjunction with or in place of other conventional medical therapies of pharmaceutics and radiation. But what of healing can be directed beyond the realm and aspect of the physical? Several years ago, I worked with cancer patients as a chaplain in a North Carolina hospital. The hospital staff and administration impressed on us chaplains that we were just as important a part of the healing teams as were the doctors, nurses, therapists, and interns. Several doctors remarked to me that, when they could do nothing else, they called a chaplain and were constantly amazed by the results. I have found much the same to be true in working with PWAs. Usually though, the healing process is far more complicated for PWAs than for persons with other long-term, terminal illnesses. The internal healing processes for PWAs can be thwarted in a number of ways: • Most PWAs have contracted the virus either through homosexual activity or by sharing needles when using intravenous drugs. Because many people view these behaviors solely as matters of choice, persons who become ill with AIDS are accused of "bringing it on themselves." They are made to feel guilty and somehow less deserving of support and proper care. • The church's historic failure to accept and provide spiritual support for gay and lesbian persons ~WendyTate healing processes for gay men. Regardless of how it is stated, the church's condemnation of their lifestyle is seen as rejection of the persons themselves. • Rejection and ostracism by family and friends can seriously affect the mental and emotional health of PWAs. Such rejection may occur in conjunction with the process of "coming out of the closet," as a complication of having AIDS, or as a combination of both. • Although understanding of AIDS among the general population is certainly higher than it was even one year ago, hysterical, irrational fear of someone with the disease still is not uncommon. Family members, friends, work colleagues, and others may fear exposure to the disease even when assured that they are safe. • Finally, social situations may cause problems for PWAs, and not only because side effects of the disease significantly limit the socializing that is physically possible. Invitations to dinners and parties are rescinded or never extended at all. Friends call instead of dropping by. These painful situations inevitably increase the stress felt by PWAs. The effect of stress on someone whose immune system is already compromised is even greater. Fortunately, some things can be done to assist persons with AIDS in bringing about healing and reconciliation. Be present. This is the first and most important action. To be available to talk, to run errands, to just sit and be in the same room and read can be very healing. Listen carefully to what is said and take note of what is left unsaid. Praying together mayor may not be helpful, especially at first, but do not know about AIDS, the less you will have to fear regarding spending time with PWAs. Ifyou are uncomfortable or fearful, PWAs may recognize that fear, increasing their stress. Be honest. To maintain a healthy, helpful relationship with someone, you must build trust and respect with that person. It is not necessary to protect PWAs; they usually are well aware of the extent of their illness. An atmosphere of honesty and respect allows for the discussion of subjects that can be tense and uneasy. Be patient. Healing of any kind takes time, so take things at whatever pace feels comfortable. For a gay man with AIDS, in particular, brokenness and scarring may be very old and deep, so patience, persistence, and an attitude of sincere caring are important. Avoid being judgmental. Opinions are fine, but judging another person can cause further alienation. Recriminations and blaming do not encourage reconciliation and healing. More often than not, they simply add insult to injury. In short, in spending time with persons with AIDS, nothing can take the place of good old-fashioned TLC. Kindness, care, and concern always show through if they are genuine. I have found that something amazing happens when I see healing in the life of someone with whom I am working. I, too, am healed and gain something for myself as well. When we allow ourselves to be open to God's power as it flows through us, a we direct that power to others, we may find that the healing is in us as well .• Rev. Wendy Tate is an elder in the Virginia Annual Conference ofthe United Methodist Church. She spent the 1985-86 appointment year doing pastoral care and counseling with AIDS patients through FOCUS, can further complicate internal assume anything. Always ask. Of- the Fellowship of Christians United in Service. 12/ 0 pen Hands ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ C·H·A·N·G·E·S T·A·K·I·N·G P·L·A·C·E by Ralph Blair '1n olden days-not so very olden either-this practice was painted as the blackest ofall possible sins. Anyone who practiced it was pretty sure ofhell. Our grandfathers, including our medical grandfathers, ifthey did not avoid all reference to it, taught that it was not only a dreadf ul sin, but that also it had physical and mental consequences which were terrible; these consequences being regarded as the just punishment ofGodfor human wickedness. It was said that the victim ofthis habit invariably brought disease upon himselfand that ifhe did not speedily check it he would go mad.. .. The only hope ofcure held out was said to lie in the exercise ofthe victim's will assisted by religious exercises ofprayer and Bible reading. " -Leslie Weatherhead, The Mastery ofSex through Psychology and Religion, 1931 Rev. Leslie Weatherhead, a British Methodist in a Congregationalist pulpit, was one of the pioneers in attempting to integrate psychology and religion. In his day, he was considered a "liberal" or "enlightened" voice on matters relating sexuality to spirituality, as his above words on "Masturbation or Self-Abuse" might indicate. The Methodist Recorder predicted, "without fear of exaggeration it can be said that tens of thousands of young people will be deeply grateful" for Weatherhead's book. In that essay, Weatherhead also stated: "Fortunately, most of what was held to be true in regard to masturbation, physically, psychologically, and theologically, we now know to be vulgar nonsense." He noted that a "psychologist says that 99 per cent. of those who have given him their confidence practice it, and he suspects the hundredth of concealing the truth." We should by now, however, know better than to think that Weatherhead was particularly enlightened. He went on to claim that "some [men and women) achieve complete mastery [over masturbation] ... Quite recently I have had the joy of curing-apparently completely-a boy who masturbated several times a day for eight years and a girl in whom the practice had been a daily one for nearly fifteen years." By what means did Weatherhead have such "joy of curing" masturbators? His recommendations ranged from the psychological (urging patients to recognize masturbation as "the misuse on selfish levels of an instinctive energy"), to the religious ("Simply soak the mind with thoughts of Christ"), to the physical (recommending circumcision of all uncircumcised masturbators, avoidance of "heavy meals late at night," and sleeping with coverings that were "as light as possible" in a bed that was "not too soft"). t should not be surprising how many parallels exist between this approach to masturbation and the various, supposedly enlightened approaches to homosexuality popular today among evangelicals, fundamentalists, and charismatics.* As was the case with Weatherhead's "exmasturbator" process, many (though not all) leaders of what is commonly known as the "ex-gay movement" are attempting to move away from the really outlandish misinformation of previous generations. In both movements, we see a move from ignoring a taboo topic to a revolutionary recognition of it as a widespread phenomenon-even within the churches-requiring a change in perception. We see a seemingly greater compassion. But we see, too, simplistic solutions in the misuse of prayer and Bible reading. And we see the naive reporting of "cure" on the basis ofinstant evaluation ofalleged change, rather than on long-term follow-up studies. We see testimony of"ex-masturbators" and "ex-gays" as narrowly reported by their would-be deliverers. We see recommendations that the behavior be redefined, that thanks be given for a "freedom" not yet actually attained. We see recom( continued on pg. 14) */n his own chapter on homosexuality, Weatherhead simply reje"ed his readers to his chapter on masturbation, though he did say that the sodomy laws were "both cruel and useless. " Open Hands/I3 I loved life and all that it had to offer me each day. I loved my job and my clients. Ma God I loved my friends and thank God for each one of them. Have er 'Y onM oul Suicide is an all-too-common reaction of gay men and lesbians plagued by f eelings ofguilt over their sexual orientation. Below is the actual letter ofone man, who, convinced by an "exgay " organization that as a gay man he was not only sinful but worthless; took his life. He believed that God would forgive him/or killing himselfbut notfor being gay. Originally printed as 'T he Ultimate Act of Violence" by Evangelicals Concerned, San Francisco. Reprinted by permission. I loved my little house and would not have wanted to live anywhere else. All this looks like the perfect life. Yet, I must not let this shadow the problem that I have in my life. At one time, not too long ago, that was all that really mattered in my life. What pleased me and how it affected me. Now that I have turned my life over to the Lord and the changes came one by one, the above statements mean much more to me. I am pleased that I can say those statements with all the truth and honesty that is within me. However, to make this short, I must confess that there were things in my life that I could not gain control, no matter how much I prayed and tried to avoid the temptation, I continually failed. It is this constant failure that has made me make the decision to terminate my life here on earth. I do this with the complete understanding that life is not mine to take. I know that it is against the teachings ofour Creator. But, my failure is also against the teaching of our Creator. No man is without sin, this I realize. I will cleanse myself of all sin as taught to me by His word. Yet, I must face my Lord with the sin of murder. I believe that Jesus died and paid the price for that sin, too. I know that I shall have everlasting life with Him by departing this world now, no matter how much I love it, my friends, my family. IfI remain it could possibly allow the devil the opportunity to lead me away from the Lord. I love life, but my The Real Changes (continued) mendations for avoidance and silly suggestions for distraction, repression, and denial. Make no mistake about it-changes undoubtedly do occur in the "ex-gay" movement. But my extensive study of "ex-gay" phenomena over more than a decade convinces me that the changes are turnover in testimonies, personnel, promises, definitions, expectations, and claims, not changes in sexual orientation and behavior. As even "exgay" movement promoter Sharon Kuhn has admitted in Campus Crusade's Worldwide Challenge magazine, "most ["ex-gay"] ministries to Christian homosexuals soon die out." The degree of "enlightenment" among modem-day evangelicals, fundamentalists, and charismatics varies widely. This is especially the case with many heterosexuals who desperately want to believe in the "ex-gay" movement. Some persons continue to propose "cures" that are downright stupid. Out of Dallas a "Chaplain Ray" has issued advice on "How Homosexuals Can Change." He says that homosexuals should "Keep active. Work Exercise. Involve yourself in as much wholesome group activities as possible." This Rambo-like prison chaplain also believes that homosexuals would have been "healthier emotionally and psychologically if they had been involved in the rough and tumble games and fights of the children on the playgrounds." Some evangelicals continue to claim that complete change to heterosexuality is possible for the gay man or lesbian. For example, Kenneth Gangel, of Dallas Theological Seminary, claims that the "propensity can be changed by the power ofJesus Christ." He says that those Christian leaders who do not promise complete change "stop short ofthe real power ofthe gospel." (He cites as his evidence the testimony of a man who has now left the "exgay" movement and who, in the testimony cited by Gangel, readily admitted that he continued to masturbate thinking of "fond wishes" for homosexual activity.) And Leanne Payne, a heterosexual charismatic who runs Pastoral Care Ministries, calls all same-sex sexuality "a sexual neurosis" (contrary to the diagnostic classification of the American Psychiatric Association). She defines homosexuality as "a condition for God to heal" and says that, as such, "it is (in spite of the widespread belief to the contrary) remarkably simple." Among other evangelicals, such views are waning. Five years ago, Christianity Today bannered across its cover: "Homosexuals CAN Change." Two years later, that magazine's editor, Kenneth Kantzer, admitted that "The evidence is clear that such a turn [from homosexuality to heterosexuality] is often not very successful," though he demanded that all lesbians and gay men "try to turn from your homosexual orientation" or at least "exercise selfcontrol ... refrain from homosexual practice ... and live lives of sexual continence." Eastern College sociologist Tony Campolo admits that "ex-gay" claims "always fall through" on close examination. He even acknowledges the probability of a "biological base for homosexuality" and thus says that we "cannot expect such a person to change his orientation." But Campolo, too, advocates celibacy for men and women whose orientation is homosexual. Increasingly, some evangelicals are moving all the way to the position espoused by Evangelicals Concerned, supporting a realistic integration of same-sex relationship and biblical faithing. As early as 1978, Richard Quebe. THE 14/0pen Hands • • •• •----..-,. ••••••••••••••••••••• love for the Lord is so much greater, the choice is simple. • • I am not asking you to sanction my actions. That is not the purpose of my writing this at all. It is for the express purpose of allowing each one who will read this to know how I weighed things in my own mind I don't want you to think that, "I alone," should have been the perfect person, without sin. That would be ridiculous! It is the continuing lack of strength and/or obedience and/or willpower to cast aside certain sins. To continually go before God and ask forgiveness and make promises you kno you can't keep is more than I can take. I feel it is making a mockery of God and all He stands for in my life. Please know that I am extremely happy to be going to the Lord. He knows my heart and kno how much I love life and all that it has to offer. But, He knows that I love Him more. That is why I believe that 1will be with Him in Paradise. I regret if I bring sorrow to those that are left behind. Ifyou get your heart in tune with the word of God you will be as happy about my "transfer" as I am. I also hope that this answers sufficiently the question, why? May God Have Mercy On My Soul. A Brother & A Friend, JACK the sun [comes out] and the clothes [come] off, ['ex-gays' have] a full blown problem." He admits that even "during love for the same sex." He says that such ambivalence (continued on pg. 16) deaux observed in The Worldly Evangelicals, "Right and center evangelicals may continue to say 'no' to homosexual practice explicitly and homosexual orientation implicitly; but it seems likely that left evangelicals will finally come out closer to Ralph Blair than to Anita Bryant." Nonetheless, perceived "causes" and "cures" of homosexuality are still quite confused and confusing among most evangelicals, fundamentalists, and charismatics. It does not, of course, take much beyond chutzpah to posture righteous indignation and promise "freedom from homosexuality," especially if the one who makes the promise is a heterosexual who says that it is really up to God to heal. It requires quite something else to offer an effective way out of homosexual orientation. And no matter what they claim, it is obvious that nobody is delivering on deliverance. he claims of "ex-gays" themselves also vary considerably. Many frankly admit that, contrary to Payne's claims, "healing" of homosexuality is not "remarkably simple." They know from their own experience what daily and even hourly struggles they are up against. In a recent interview in the St. Paul Pioneer Press, "ex-gay" leader Jeff Ford of Outpost says that he still wrestles with his own homosexual urges, admitting he is not "cured," and that he doubts that "anyone has shed their homosexual orientation" through the "ex-gay" process. Similarly, Frank Worthen, the director of Love in Action, warns in a recent issue of his newsletter, "When the winter months," the "ex-gays" have only "a measure of victory." He confesses, "One of the most difficult battles ex-gay men and women face is working through attractions we often have to members of the same sex." He notes that "ex-gays" often are sexually attracted to persons they see while out shopping or at church but says that it is especially hard when "ex-gays" are sexually attracted to "someone we work with or are required to interact with on a regular basis." Worthen, who is now married to a woman, suggests that other "ex-gays" should, "if possible, cut down the number of times you are seeing the person. Using the telephone rather than visiting the person helps." He advises that "ex-gays" seek out "the physically unattractive." Finally, Worthen says that "ex-gays" "should not just beat yourself ... everytime you feel attracted to another." Another "ex-gay" has this to confide to the readers of The Presbyterian Survey: "I have a hope that I will someday have a heterosexual orientation, or meet a woman who will help me find one. But my hardened, cynical side insists that the future for me will consist of celibacy, and a decreased sexual tension. Nonetheless, the tension will remain with me until death. That's what I think the future will be like." Some "ex-gays," however, actually deny their experience. Daniel Roberts of Homosexuals Anonymous (also known as Quest) says that homosexuals are all mistaken in even thinking of themselves as "homosexuals." According to his pseudo-Freudian interpretation, homosexuality is really "an ambivalence toward the same sex rather than Open Handsl15 The Real Changes (continued) leads to genital behavior when it is "misinterpreted as erotic." Other "ex-gays" redefine terms to suit themselves. Joanne Highley of L.I.F.E. Ministry says that Christians must "see homosexual orientation for what it is-a lie. We are," she insists, "truly heterosexual" in the first place. With such flip-flop argumentation she finds 1t easy to promise "a transformation of one's orientation" (though we might ask what the need is for such "transformation" ifthe homosexual orientation is really just "a lie" all along). At any rate, she says that such "transformation ofone's orientation" is done through a "change ofidentity-recognition of being a new creation." o matter what they over-claim in promoting their movement, careful examination ofmost ofthe claims of the "ex-gays" -at least in their fine-print disclaimersshows far more modest promises. Some of their stories of so-called deliverances don't even focus on sexual orientation or behavior, offering instead illogical "proofs" of change. For example, in an article entitled "Showing Homosexuals a Way Out" and published in the conservative United Methodist magazine, Good News, reporter James Robb relates the testimony ofa man who "was once a practicing homosexual. Now he's set up in ministry." How that man's change of career automatically proved any change in sexual orientation or behavior is never demonstrated. In another issue, Good News has printed the testimony of "A Former Homosexual," now a "musical evangelist." But a close reading of the testimony indicates that, however more musical he might have become, this "former" homosexual's homosexuality is continuing in the form of repeated homosexual temptations. Another evangelical magazine, Message, has published the "ex-gay" testimony of Tim Youngblood. He claims, "After accepting Christ I began changing." But what began changing? "The way I moved my hands and arms changed. Even my walk changed. My voice lowered. My laugh changed." He doesn't say his desire for men changed. He doesn't say he now desires women instead of men, sexually. Youngblood advises other "ex-gay" men to "find a Spirit-filled man of God who is secure in his own self-image ... . You need someone to go to when things get difficult." How is this not a description of homosexual attraction? He warns the "ex-gay": "Allow yourself the freedom to fail. ... You're going to stumble." Christian Life magazine has published an article, entitled "I Was Delivered from Lesbianism," about Darlene Bogle. Now a "leader of singles" at an Assembly of God center, Bogle says that she was "demonically in dwelt" by lesbianism but that when she "took authority over the spirits ofhomosexuality in the name ofJesus and served them their 'vacate-the-premises-immediately' papers they had to leave." Evidently, however, her lesbianism did not leave with the demons. She asks in the article: "Did all the struggles leave overnight? No." While at first "ex-gays" may make outlandishly false claims about their own "change" experiences, they almost always soon become more honest and modest in their claims. All of the early movement leaders who claimed to be personally "ex-gay" have now dropped out: Guy Charles of LIBERATION in Jesus Christ, Roger Grindstaff (also known as Roger Dean) of Disciples Only and a consultant to Teen Challenge, John Evans of Love in Action, Jim Kasper and Mike Bussee of EXIT of Melodyland, Greg Reid of EAGLE, Rick Notch of Open Door, and many others. Alan Mediger, executive director of EXODUS, the "ex-gay" umbrella organization, acknowledges "that his group has had problems with ministry leaders who return to a gay lifestyle ...and that when an ex-gay is trying to help a struggling homosexual, the temptation to fall is great." This "exodus" of "ex-gay" leaders does not, however, prevent some Christian publishers from continuing to distribute, and even advertise, these persons' previous testimonies of deliverance. Today, many of those who lead the "ex-gay" movement have never even been homosexual (e.g., Leanne Payne, Robbi Kenney of Outpost, and Ron Highley of L.I.F.E.). And, apparently, those "ex-gay" persons who do continue to help lead the movement often still struggle with the conflict between their desire to purge themselves of homosexuality and their deep-felt need for same-sex relationships ofsome sort. Andy Comiskey, founder ofthe "ex-gay" Desert Stream at John Wimber's Vineyard asks in its newsletter, "How do we ["ex-gays"] sort out sinful desires from legitimate needs for same-sex friendship?" He continues: "Perhaps we're fearful of falling hopelessly in love with another of the same sex. We detach ourselves. On the other hand we can rush unwisely into friendship and find ourselves enmeshed in an emotional and sexual death grip." omiskey's concerns have been a constant battle in the "ex-gay" movement, where the biggest worry at every "ex-gay" convention is that the "ex-gays" will "fall" during the convention. As ex-"ex-gay" leader Rick Notch has put it: "You pick a prayer partner the first night of the convention, you pray with him the second night, and by the third night your prayers are answered." Don Baker, in his recent book, Beyond Rejection: The Church, Homosexuality, and Hope, acknowledges that even after a prescribed Bible-memorization program, "deliverance from homosexuality is a slow, agonizing process with the everpresent fear of falling at any time" into protracted homosexual behavior. _ _ In short, leaders of the "ex-gay" movement seem to be scrambling to find any substantial proof of success in their efforts. For many, this has meant carefully defining (or redefining) very limited goals. A couple of years before "ex-gay" leader Greg Reid dropped out of sight, abandoning his EAGLE (Ex-ActiveGay-Liberated-Eternally) ministry, he admitted, "There have been many ["ex-gay"] failures. ... Ex-gay testimonies are touted before they are ready, many, in fact, 16/ 0pen Hands 1 don't even have a genuine call. ... Evangelicals and gay Christians alike are looking for a 'perfect record'-and heterosexuality to boot. Ex-gays play right into that destructive game. The scriptural standard is NOT 'are they reoriented' or 'have they fallen.' " Robbi Kenney has issued the following directive to other remaining leaders in the movement: "Know what you are offering .... You are NOT offering heterosexuality ... [but] the power to come into celibacy." She even advised, "avoid calling them ex-gays." Nonetheless, with the same mailing, she sent out a brochure attacking the American Psychiatric Association's position on homosexuality and declaring across the cover of the brochure: "There IS an ex-gay reality!" For herself, the never-lesbian Kenney has long lamented her loneliness and her hopelessness about finding a husband in the "ex-gay" movement. She proves that "ex-gays" are not really new heterosexuals-even when they marry heterosexuallywhen she explains: "Being in ex-gay ministry often has meant that I've only met and fallen in love with men from gay backgrounds, ... I finally asked God to bring a man into my life who could appreciate me as a woman." This past year, leaders of various "ex-gay" groups, including Love in Action, Homosexuals Anonymous, L.I.F.E. Ministries, and Mount Hope, conducted a winter conference in New York City. They repeatedly stressed that the "ex-gay" promise was not one of change from homosexual orientation to heterosexual orientation but rather one of either demanded celibacy or heterosexual marriage (which was recommended to be arranged by a third party and in which genital acts might or might not eventually be added to friendship with someone of the other sex). In summer 1985, EXODUS held its ninth convention. Of 54 conference participants polled, 23 preferred not using a noun to describe someone "freed from homosexuality." Instead, they said that such a person was "struggling with homosexuality" -a"fallen angel." Phrases such as "set free" and "delivered" were said to be "theological terms [that] often misrepresented the process of change which most ministries teach." Ambiguous, nonsexual terms such as "new creation," "image of God," and "sanctified" were used to define what was meant by "being changed." To be "ex-gay," said Doug Houck, founder of the Christian Reformed-backed Metanoia Ministries, does not even mean "a complete elimination of homosexual behavior: homosexual contact, masturbation, buying! reading of pornography, etc." But how was this convention covered in the evangelical press? According to a news feature in Christianity Today, there were at the convention "living testimonies that practicing homosexuals can become heterosexuals." Such backtracking from the editorial enlightenment shown three years ago at Christianity Today clearly points up the continuing ambivalence of evangelicals when faced with evidence they don't want to believe. Conservative Presbyterian Richard Lovelace has also displayed this ambivalence. Not long ago he repeatedly referred to EXIT of Melodyland as the "ex-gay" organization that was "most successful in bringing persons out of the homosexual lifestyle." Now that the cofounders of EXIT have exited into "the homosexual lifestyle," however, he pushes Homosexuals Anonymous, calling the approach used by its leader, Colin Cook, "an authentic theological masterpiece ...a jewel ...a theological pearl . .. a silver bullet against evil." Interestingly, Lovelace neglects to mention that Cook is a Seventh-Day Adventist, a fact that many of his conservative Presbyterian readers might well dislike. At any rate, the "masterpiece" Cook is said to have produced is based on the idea that God accounts the "ex-gay" to be "heterosexual" even though "God knows" that he or she still is not heterosexual. According to Cook, the "exgay" must claim the belief that "God charges to your account all of Christ's ...heterosexual wholeness." It's a "charge," not a "change." And so, of course, Cook must admit that the homosexual "feelings remain." But, without any evidence or explanation, Cook suddenly announces on the last page: "In time, 80 to 90 percent of the strength of homosexual feelings will pass away." Where does he get these figures? And when will the "homosexual feelings ... pass away"? When the homosexuals themselves pass away? Cook admits in a recent interview in the Philadelphia Inquirer that he has no records by which he can speak of"success levels." Indeed, in Ministry, a Seventh-Day Adventist publication, he says, "Many Christians, battling with a homosexual problem, hope one day in the vague future finally to arrive at heterosexuality by the gradual process of God's righteousness working within them as they have faith." But, according to Cook, this "is a wistful hope" and "Biblically false." The Cook approach "focuses itself on a wholeness, a righteousness (and hence a heterosexuality) outside of itself and in the person of Another, namely Jesus Christ. This wholeness and heterosexuality of Christ the homosexual accepts as his own." Cook says that this, then, "ends the search for heterosexuality within himself." He says that "ex-gays" must then praise God "for our new unseen identity." Such a "transformation" is hardly "a theological pearl . .. and a silver bullet." Rather, it's junk jewelry and a blank. ra s is true today of the older approach to "self-abuse," ~the"ex-gay" approach would be comical ifit were not so tragic. In several more decades, the views of the Cooks and Lovelaces will be but amusing footnotes of a less enlightened generation. But those who, because of these unenlightened moralists, will have forfeited a rewarding intimacy for the true self-abuse of isolation, enforced celibacy, and even promiscuity will be beyond the ability to enjoy God's earthy gift of sexual closeness. Whether male or female now, they will then be where, like the angels, they "neither marry nor are given in marriage." • Dr. Ralph Blair is a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City. He is the founder of the Homosexual Community Counseling Center and Evangelicals Concerned, Inc. .................................... ....................................1 Open Hands/ I 7 During the past eight years I have often been asked to write or talk on my experiences in counseling gay men and lesbians, especially through my work in LIBERATION in Jesus Christ. But I have been reluctant to comment publicly on those experiences because I have felt an obligation to those I counseled for five years. However, the growing anti-gay/lesbian conservative movement within the church now leads me to be more outspoken in challenging those who claim God calls all gay men and lesbians to renounce their homosexuality. The youngest in the family of a Salvation Army bandmaster, I was brought up in an environment where God was the center of each individual's daily life; where we learned of God's love for all creatures, great and small. That love became apparent watching my father pray with and counsel the many drunks who followed the army band from open-air meetings to the corps for services. That love was more apparent when my parents, knowing of my homosexuality, declared, "God loves you as you are! He has merely taken away a bit ofyour masculinity to make up for the talents He has given you." Each of my love relationships has been long-term: the first for 7 years, then 5 years, a marriage lasting 2 years, then 11 years, and the present going on 6 years. Mter my first breakup, I became a Roman Catholic and entered the novitiate of a monastery. Mter a serious physical illness made it impossible for me to continue in the religious life, I returned to my career in TV design, but a bankruptcy made me tum to prostitution as a means oflivelihood. My faith in God was all I had to keep me going against adversity. I did meet someone finally and life seemed upbeat once again, especially when my employer moved the two of us to Chicago. Mter 11 years and another breakup, I was back in New York. The night of the Stonewall Riots in 1969 I stood in Sheridan Square watching with unbelief while saying to friends, "Those stupid queens! Don't they know when they have it good!" I never imagined I would become an activist-serving as press and media chair for New York's Gay Activists Alliance; being among the founders of the Metropolitan Community Church in New York; and working in New York and Washington as a political correspondent for The Advocate, a national gay/ lesbian newsmagazine. While covering the two 1972 national political conventions as a reporter, I was tear-gassed, which had an adverse effect on my well-being. I went to Los Angeles following the conventions, and, in a memorial service for a young, murdered MCC member, I believed a voice was speaking to me asking, "What are you doing here?" I left the service immediately and flew to Kentucky, to the monastery where I had spent my novitiate. Those few days spent in quietude and meditation seemed to renew me physically, spiritually, and mentally. Returning to D.C., I found my priorities beginning to change. I became involved in a local parish's activities and concerned for my less fortunate brothers and sisters who were impoverished, addicted to drugs, seemingly lost in a i8/ 0pen Hands One "Ex-Gal" Leaders S by Guy CIIarIes time warp. Attending Catholic charismatic prayer meetings, I found a new release for my spiritual being and the impetus to turn my caring into a reality. Sanctuary House was established as a "communal institute" based on the Rule of Taize, the famous Protestant monastic community in France. Its aim would be a communal sharing of property by lesbians and gay men, with some members going out to earn for the support of the community, while others maintained the house and took care of any needy persons taken in for aid. Listening to various charismatic leaders, I began to believe that God had worked a "miracle" so I was no longer homosexual. Daily attendance at charismatic functions left me with little time to think of my own sexuality. In fact, I became sexually inactive. I began to mail letters to those who placed "personals" ads in The Advocate, stating that I had found the answer to loneliness. The overwhelming response led Sanctuary House to depart from its original purpose of helping lesbians and gay men, to one of converting them. Support came from Pat Robertson's "700 Club," Full Gospel Business Men's Association affiliates, Teen Challenge groups, Assembly of God churches, and mainline church charismatics. Appearances on television and radio, before university Christian groups, at "Jesus rallies," and in Pentecostal and other churches happened with regularity, even though I spoke out supporting civil rights protection for gay men and lesbians. In my travels, I met other "former" gays who had had similar experiences and had started similar ministries. Many of them commented on the loneliness they had experienced, which disappeared when they joined a "Jesus" group. Like me, most believed that a miracle had occurred and that they were no longer homosexual. Some 20 of us gathered in Anaheim, California, in the late summer of 1975 and formed a national support network called EXODUS. The name was chosen to be indicative of the goal to lead lesbians and gay men to "freedom" from their lifetyle. Moments of tension occurred when I questioned the others' stand on gay/ lesbian rights and insisted that there was nothing wrong with a same-sex love relationship void of sex, even if that love was shown by holding or kissing the other person. The discussions that followed showed "cracks" in the "miracle" cures as confessions spoke of occasional reversions to the previous lifestyle. After I returned to the Washington area, I changed the name of my ministry to LIBERATION in Jesus Christ, and a new board of directors was formed under the patronage of an Episcopal Church in Fairfax, Virginia. First an apartment in Arlington, then a house in Fairfax, were used as residences for those desiring counseling. In counseling, I found many individuals with a deeprooted guilt because of their sexual preference or who assumed they were gay because of an experimental experience with homosexual behavior on one or two occasions under the influence of drugs or alcohol. When told experimentation is a part of sexual maturation, many lost their fears and guilt, with some going on to marry and have families. ( The ministry was active for fwe years, which formed an intense period for me. Participation in various church and group prayer meetings, counseling by mail and in person, maintenance of the residence, and lecturing in schools and churches left little time for me to even consider my own sexuality. In 1977, while I was lecturing at Princeton, threats were made against me by a storefront pastor in a small New Jersey town. A teenager he was counseling had come to LIBERATION for help, even though he had been told not to come to Virginia. When he arrived on a Saturday afternoon, he said he felt tired and ill and spent the rest of the day in bed. He did not attend church with the group on Sunday, and, on our return, he told us his grandmother was extremely ill and he had to return home immediately. After he left, we discussed his strange behavior, agreeing his parents and another pastor should be notified of his decision to leave. We were informed that his grandmother was not ill and that no one had called him. He had called the pastor, claiming I had seduced him. We were shocked at the charge, since we were then sleeping in single beds, three in two bedrooms and three in the living room on cots and a sofa. The bedroom doors had never been closed except when he had been alone in the one room. Unfortunately, the storefront pastor would not let anyone confront the accuser face to face regarding the charges, insisting that, as a "man of God," he would not lie regarding the young man's confession. The toll of refuting the charges put a tremendous strain on me, physically and mentally, and fatigue put me in the hospital. The board of directors decided to dissolve LIBERATION and turn all files and assets over to another "ex-gay" ministry. I enrolled at Elim Bible Institute in upstate New York to recover my physical, mental, and spiritual strength. It was at Elim that I became aware of, and witnessed firsthand, the brainwashing methods some fundamentalist and evangelical sects use. It was also at Elim that God gave me insight into the divine word, while I was studying and translating from the Greek. The inconsistencies, the errors, the misinterpretations introduced into the scriptures by human beings became apparent to me. I soon realized that the God taught at Elim was one of retribution and condemnation, not the greater God of the love my parents had shown me. I left Elim in October 1978, returning to Chicago, where I had many friends. I felt a peace within myself for the first time in many years. No longer burdened with the problems of others, able to assume an anonymity in my worship, I knew that God loved me in the fullness of my being. With determination, and in spite of my age, 55, I found employment and began a new life. In retrospect, I now realize that the high we can acquire when turning to God within the structures of prayer groups, even fundamentalist or evangelical bodies, can be an opportunity for brainwashing, guilt trips, or denial of self, if it is misused or misdirected. The vilification and condemnation of lesbians and gay men we repeatedly have thrust at us on TV and radio and in print cannot come from true believers in God's word. As Christ said, we cannot love God unless we love one another. IfChrist did not come to judge or condemn, can we? The basis of the love Christ spoke of comes from John 3:16-21. It cannot be abrogated by men and women building egos and seeking position. Each one of us must find God for herself or himself. Helping that to happen must always be the goal of any truly Christian movement aimed at counseling and ministering to gay men and lesbians in their search for emotional and spiritual fulfillment. • Copyright 1986, Gideon A. Charleson Guy Charles, a former T Vand commercial interior designer and editor, lives in Chicago and is active as a support person to individuals with AIDS at Chicago House. Open Hands/19 POOI::Jooooc)bO()OOOOC)OO()OOOOCIOO()OOOOCIOO()OO'OOC'OO()OO<OOCIOO()Oo<ooC'OO()OO'OOCIOO()OO'oooooooooooooooooo0000 key offices in the church. No particular decision by the congregation seemed necessary; it followed from everything Edgehill stood for. ealing through When Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns was organized nationally and in Nashville, several of its members belonged to Edgehill. Affirmation meetings were held at Edgehill. Since then, Reconciliation g Brokenness appears within an individual's g tion, publicly affinning the full participation of members of Edgehill have been g life and also within human relationships. 8 all persons in the life ofthe local congregation, g Thus healing can take thefonn ofgrowing § can be divisive and requires acts and words of part ofAffirmation's witness at g wholeness within a person or reconciliation be-0 healing. every recent General Conference of 8 tween individuals. g Ifyou are interested in how your local the United Methodist Church. 8 Occurrences of brokenness and healing are 8 church can become a Reconciling CongregaWhen the Reconciling Congrega8 evident in the following stories oftwo local § tion, these examples may stimulate your think§ churches becoming Reconciling Congregations. 8 ing about what steps are most appropriate for tion Program was begun following 8 Confronting concerns that are deeply personal 8 your congregation. You might also consider the 1984 General Conference, Edge8 (for example, human sexuality) and in which 8 using these two stories as case studies for dishill was strongly supportive and in g social nonns are in flux exacerbates divergent g cussing "healing" in a church school class or October 1984 officially became a 8 feelings within and between individuals. The 8 study group. Questions for reflection are proReconciling Congregation. This ac8 bold step ofbecoming a Reconciling Congrega-8 vided below. tion was taken very carefully, with )OOOOOOOOOOC)OO()OOOOC)OO()OOOOC)OO()OOOOC)OO()OOOOCIOO()OO,oqC)OO()OO'OOC)OO()OO'OOC)C0()OOOOCIOO()OOOOC)OO()OOOOO I mailings to the congregation and with racial issues or also with other open discussion throughout the sum §EDGEHILL UMe§ controversial issues, one of the mer and early fall. The statement gdgehill UMC (Nashville, members spoke for the congregaadopted at that time emphasized 8 Tennessee) began in tion when he said, "All oppression that this was in full continuity with the congregation's history and everyis one." § 1966 in the midst of the [E o civil rights struggle. Edge-When the newly organized Metrothing it stood for. hill was organized with a covenant Yet, while this action was taken that committed the congregation to politan Community Church of Nashville was unable in 1971 to unanimously by the Administrative a reconciling ministry. The church find any other church building in Council after being unanimously was located at an inner-city site which to meet, they came to Edgerecommended at a congregational with several neighborhoods of the meeting, it became known that most diverse character within a hill on unanimous invitation of its several members opposed to the two-mile radius. Bill Barnes was Administrative Council. For eight years the MCC congregation woraction had not felt free to speak up. appointed pastor and, after 20 years, shiped on Sunday evenings in In fact, over the years the congregacontinues as such. During this time Edgehill's building, until they obtion had not been as unanimous as it the congregation has incorporated had appeared. So strong had been great diversity and carried on an tained their own building. This the perception of Edgehill's stand extremely wide variety of ministries arrangement caused a controversy that persons not in sympathy with it in its community. It has gradually in the Tennessee Annual Conference, and the Edgehill congregahad either quietly left the church or grown to about 275 members, an stayed and kept quiet. Clearly, recaverage attendance of 125, and an tion held a series of meetings at onciliation and healing with the annual budget of over $100,000. which it developed both a written several quiet dissenters were needAlthough racial issues dominaagreement with the MCC coned. As a member of Affirmation put ted Edgehill's beginnings, its foungregation and a statement to the it, "When I think how often in my ders realized from the start that annual conference articulating its life I've not dared to be honest, it other forms of reconciliation were convictions. The latter statement makes me feel terrible to think that also implied by its covenant and by was unanimously affirmed at a conwe have put others in that position." the nature of the gospel. Beginning gregational meeting, with general agreement that Edgehill's covenant A plan of reconciliation was dewith a draft counseling center durclearly called for such a reconcilveloped and put into operation. ing the war in Vietnam, the conTwo members who were not gay/ gregation has been heavily involved ing stand. lesbian sought out the several perto this day in the peace movement. Meanwhile, several Edgehill sons who were quietly unhappy Many justice issues have been members had identified themabout the Reconciling Congregaaddressed over the years. When the tion Program and invited them to a question was raised as to whether selves as lesbian or gay. Other lesshort- term study group, meeting in the congregation should deal only bians and gay men joined the congregation. Some were elected to the homes of participants. 20/0pen Hands he first two evenings were deT voted to study and discussion of what the Bible teaches about sexual orientation. Discussion of John Boswell's book Christianity, Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality formed the basis of the first evening's discussion. The second evening focused on conservative views. The aim of these two sessions was not to get everyone to agree with Boswell but to persuade those who thought that there was only one Christian view that this was a matter about which Christians could in good conscience disagree and respect one another's beliefs. The third evening was devoted to study and discussion of what the Bible teaches about reconciliation when disputes arise among Christians. Invited to this meeting, by agreement of all present at the second meeting, were two members of Affirmation and the pastor of the Metropolitan Community Church. The evening ended in strong expressions of mutual love and an agreement that no further sessions were needed. Would that we could say no one left the church as a result. That was not quite the case. One couple, whose views on many issues opposed those of Edgehill, left after making a very full and gracious witness to their convictions during a Sunday morning worship service and after the congregation expressed its continuing love for them. Edgehill continues to be diligent about enabling reconciliation and healing in regard to its action. Matters relating to the Reconciling Congregation Program are reported to the congregation as they come up, and the orientation of new members includes presentation of the church's stand as a Reconciling Congregation. A banner on the church's wall declares for all to see that it is a Reconciling Congregation. Reconciliation, Edgehill's members recognize, involves reaching out in many directions and must be a never-ending task. • O §WAIllNGFORD UMe§ od's spirit had been oooooonr~"'n~ring Wallingford UMC (Seattle, Washington) for what seemed to happen suddenly in November 1983. Several gay and lesbian United Methodists had been individually attracted to this local church by hearing a gospel of grace, healing, and justice preached. And the gay/ lesbian strangers had been made to feel at home variously by an accepting choir, a women's support group, and a struggling social action committee; though few of the church members had known the new members were gay. Then, that autumn, some of the gay members who had come to believe in themselves, and to trust that their sexuality was the good gift of God, asked the other members of the church to share this assurance. A recently divorced father, Chuck, came out to the pastor, Rebecca Parker, and to one couple, Alan and Sue, who were not only friends but church officers. They were all supportive. Subsequently. Chuck stood before the Administrative Council and asked it to sponsor the creation of a Seattle chapter of Affirmation and publicly announce itself as a church that welcomed lesbians and gay men into its worshiping community. There was a moment of nervous silence. Long-time members began speaking first. The lay leader, Cecil, a former policeman known for his strong opinions, rose. He had been converted to Christianity by Aimee Semple McPherson and shaped in this faith by the works of Paul Tournier. He stood and said: "I move that we do this. The New Testament is perfectly clear on this. Jesus said, 'Love your neighbor as yourself,' and he didn't put any restrictions on who my neighbor is. There are people who might get upset if we do this, and we might lose them. But if we don't do this, we will lose our relationship with God." Another long-time member remembered her own alienation. She had been divorced in the 1950s and was subsequently shunned by many. Yet she refused to surrender her claim to standing among God's people, and she had stayed. Later she had watched the same members that shunned her oppose young men who came to worship in jeans, without a necktie, or wearing beards. "All of that was wrong. That rejection shouldn't have to happen to anybody." Though some kept their silence for the time being, all the others who spoke that evening were in favor of the motion, puzzled only about the Book ofDiscipline's guidelines. Those voting agreed unanimously that the Administrative Council had the authority to make such a decision and that each member felt this affirmation of lesbian sisters and gay brothers in the faith was right. The pastor was asked to speak to the congregation interpreting what had occurred in the room that evening. T hen the opposition began. One council member had commented that the discusison was too long and should first be opened up to the entire congregation. His letter of resignation began circulating after Becky's sermon. A social worker and therapist who had worked with many homosexual patients, he wrote that homosexuality is maladaptive behavior for underlying problems. The church, he said, should admit into its fellowship only those who are in therapy actively fighting to overcome their homosexual behavior. He withdrew from the church with no further dialogue. Others who left included a couple in their eighties who had been in the church for over 40 years. Their departure occurred after several conversations with church friends. In her last talk with the pastor, Ida asked with warmth, "Do you think I am too old to make a new start?" She assured the (continued) O __________________________ ~__________________________~___________________________ Open Hands/21 QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION o Where is brokenness evident within an individual? Between individuals? o Could this brokenness have been averted? Is something lost in avoiding brokenness or conflict? o Are there conditions in which brokenness can or cannot be consistent with the will of God? o Where did healing occur within an individual? Between individuals? In actions? In words? o Where are instances in which healing did not occur? Give suggestions on how healing might have been reached in those instances. o Must the will to be healed be present? Or can healing be serendipitous, by the grace of God? Give examples. o Quentin Hand writes elsewhere in this issue (p. 7): "it is first the community or family of God that has the saving relationship and secondly the person." How is thi illumined in these stories? How do wounds within the community affect feelings of brokenness within an individual? Must healing within relationships occur before healing as an individual? The story ofEdgehill UMC was written by Hoyt Hickman. The story of Wallingford UMC was a collaborative effort ofseveral church members. O Healing (continued) pastor that she was still able to take on the adventure of new beginnings. A year later, the Men's Breakfast Group heard of this couple's need to replumb their home, and they donated their labor. This was a case of friendship and love that were not broken by the couple's decision to withdraw from the congregation. At the next charge conference, the council decision was challenged and soon everyone who had voted earlier backed down. Alan fell silent as much of the criticism was directed at him as chairperson of the Administrative Council. Only Chuck voted against reconsideration. Talk-back sessions were held during coffee hours, articles pro and con were written for the newsletter, and evening discussion groups took place. Those in opposition seldom spoke out in these forums, where majority sentiment was favorable to a ministry with lesbian/gay United Methodists. The 12 lay deacons, a lay pastoral care committee, tried to maintain open conversations with individuals who talked of leaving. A second vote of the council a month later was once again unanimous to become a Reconciling Congregation. Sometimes there is still pain and alienation expressed by those who chose to remain. At least two families have brought up that decision as a way to deter further "radical" commitments. One apparent supporter always expresses his support for Affirmation before reminding gay/lesbian church members how much the Reconciling Congregation program initially hurt the church or how gay members should be more active. And he stood before a charge conference three years later and argued against voting to become a sanctuary church because he didn't feel the church had done enough to help Affirmation, which wasn't yet what he felt it really should be. ,,"et there have been people to .I. help us understand what is happening and how to dialogue about it. Rev. Morris Floyd, a gay United Methodist pastor, visited Wallingford in April 1985 as it celebrated its first annual Reconciliation Sunday. Speaking with the Adult Open Class, Floyd reminded the group that some people will criticize a process, when it's substance that really bothers them. Others will say that it's the loss of members they regret, though they wouldn't say that if the issue were racism or support of the Ku Klux Klan. And even those who say they want to help may criticize. This, he explained, is just a form of "blaming the victim." Despite the departure from Wallingford of some, others have constantly stepped forward to fill in when needed. When the church's Sunday School Superintendents withdrew, another family, Robin and Carl, immediately volunteered and have held together Wallingford's education program for the past three years. The recently elected chair of the Administrative Council joined only after the second vote. "Since people were leaving in protest, I decided to join to express my support," David said. Wallingford's lay delegate to the annual conference, Sue, first spoke on the floor of the conference on behalf of a resolution to include homosexuality in a conference study on human sexuality. She then personally authored a 1985 resolution that recommended the Reconciling Congregation Program to all local churches in the Pacific Northwest Annual Conference. In 1986 she was elected chair of the annual conference session's Church and Society Committee, where she skillfully and successfully managed discussion of resolutions on voluntary offerings of local churches for AIDS patients, as well as opposition to a statewide repeal of lesbian/ gay rights measures. The faith community at Wallingford is a different one now. There are a handful of openly gay/ lesbian United Methodists, others known only to their close friends, and many new members who have said they first came to Wallingford out of respect for the rare commitment a local church made to offer God's unconditional love to everyone. The lesbians and gay men of the church acted on the knowledge that they were God's blessed people. Their faith made them well. Their healing called forth a new community. All in Wallingford are learning to trust in the gospel of God's grace, which heals us from fear and liberates us to be ever more bold in Jesus' name. • O ______________________________________________________ ~__________________________ 22/0pen Hands fiJUJtaining tl}e fiJpirif by Susan R. Beehler/Kathy Black :D"" G-r I cJ J 1 F J I J. I J. I=.:J. 1 CHORUS And we'll move, move, move be-yond our heal-ing, i!..... 14...~ F' l>-G" J ~ ~ I 1 d I I~ di I d..... I;:J J ~ I J. 1 dl-d. Mov-ing to-geth-er to greet the sun-rise. C £~~ F ~1$ ~ J J I ~. I · I~ ~ I r ~ 1 ~. 1 tf). 1 Yes, we'll move, move, move be-yond our heal-ing, tI_ 1)...., C;., , ~ I; J 1 J_ IJt 1 J J I J,-7L J 1 tiJ. 1 ~ I~ .... ~ ,,---,:e!. Fac-ing to-day to heal the world. Fine ~ R~ :Om'7 G.7 -1 I 1 ~ 1 I 1 ~ I -I I¥ J J J J J :l :i 4t J. ~d,,-VERSE I-The wound-ing of our souls you heard was pain-ful, 2-The lives of those sur-round-ing us are cry-ing. &.. ~m 1).. ~...T GT F$__J ~ 1 ~ ~ I ~ ~ I~ J: 1 ;L :;L I ~. ~.I~ --------....-. -The bru-tal past re-called to you and shared. We try so hard to feel and un-der-stand. F F:l G" C ~. ~ I d ~ ~ Ii ~ ~ I I g~. '-"0 I I®_J I:n~ I r But in com-mu-ni-ty we found re-demp-tion. And as we bond to-geth-er, share our sto-ries, a" F'"" G" I~~~ I ~. (~ I ~ b~ -~ ~ ~ ~ t Ib~ I ~@. 1 We're a-ble to heal be-cause you cared. D.C. alfine You heal our souls and weave us hand to hand. Copyright 1984 by Susan R. Beehler This song is taken from a collection of music, Shared Journey, written by Susan Beehler and Jan Powers Miller. "Beyond our Healing" was written after the early fall This music has been created from the stories of women's 1984 meeting of the Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics, journeys, primarily in the Baltimore Conference of the and Ritual in Washington, D.C. during a time of its UMC. The music selVes as a vehicle for keeping alive the reorganization and moving ahead. The phrase "beyond our images from these stories. Shared Journey is available on healing" came from dialogue during that meeting. The cassette tape ($6.50) and in a book ($6.50) from: Rev. Linda second verse was written by Kathy Black after a Baltimore Coveleskie, 3939 Gamber Road, Finksburg, MD 21048. conference (UMC) clergy women's luncheon. Orders are prepaid; add $2.50 for shipping/handling. Open Hands/23 I By necessity, this issue of Open Hands presents only a small sampling of the varied images of healing. Those images cover many different spectrums-the Christian vs. non-Christian; scientific vs. spiritual; rational vs. emotional; traditional vs. occult. Although not comprehensive in its scope, the following bibliography does attempt to give a sense of the broad images surrounding healing. The listing of any book or article should be considered only as a suggested reading if one desires further understanding of a particular image, not as an endorsement of the publication's contents. Healing and AIDS "e/sa forum 123: The Church in the Midst of the AIDS Epidemic." engage/ social action. Vol. 14, no. 2 (February 1986). Collected articles discuss AIDS and what is appropriate Christian ministry to persons with AIDS. "Living and Dying with AIDS." Manna for the Journey (now Open Hands). Vol. 1, no. 2 (Fall 1985). Assorted articles explain what AIDS is and how churches and individuals can minister to persons with AIDS and others affected by the disease. Serinus, Jason, editor. Psychoimmunity and the Healing Process: Focus on Immunity and AIDS. Berkeley, Calif.: Celestial Arts, 1986. Explores alternative health approaches to immune dysfunction and AIDS, including centeredness and spiritual communication, meditation, and nutrition. Includes a chapter by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross on "My Experiences with People with AIDS." Christian Images of Sp iritual and Psychological Healing Day, Albert E. Letters on the Healing Ministry. Rev. ed. Nashville: The Upper Room, 1986. Discusses the need for the church to engage in holistic healing ministries. New edition includes study guide for group or individual use. Fortunato, John. Embracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians. New York: Seabury Press, 1982. An Episcopalian gay male psychotherapist discusses spirituality and psychology and their relationships to the gay man's or lesbian's personal journey toward healing and wholeness. Gee, Donald. Spiritual Gifts in the Work of Ministry Today. Springfield, Mo.: Gospel Publishing House, 1963. Explains Pentecostal principles for operating spiritual gifts, including healing, in both personal ministry and churches. Ruether, Rosemary Radford. Women-Church: Theology and Practice of Feminist liturgical Communities. San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1985. A leading Christian feminist theoretician discusses women's needs to create religious communities and systems liberated from sexism. One chapter, "Healing our Wounds: Overcoming the Violence of Patriarchy," briefly discusses the importance of healing throughout religious history, then presents rites for various healing services. Melburg, Albert L. Sound Body/Sound Mind. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1984. Focuses on a holistic health program, rather than traditional illness-oriented medicine, to stress Christians' personal responsibility under God for their own physical and mental health. Alternative Im ages of Sp iritual and Psychological Healing Mariechild, Diane. Mother Wit: A Feminist Guide to Psychic Development Trymmsburg, N.Y.: Crossing Press, 1981. Proposes assorted exercises, affirmations, and other psychic tools for further healing and feminist growth. Material derived primarily from occult and Eastern religious traditions. Vaughan, Frances. The Inward Arc: Healing Wholeness in Psychotherapy and Spirituality. Boston: Shambhala Publications, 1986. Argues that physical, emotional, mental, existential, and healing awareness comes through one's consciousness identifying with one's "transpersonal self' (or "inner healer"), which is seen as compassionate, loving, intuitive, spontaneous, creative, open, connected, and peaceful. Walker, Mitch. Visionary Love: A Spirit Book of Gay Mythology and Trans-Mutational Faerie. San Francisco: Treeroots Press, 1980. Out of print. Presents a "New Age" archetypal psychology of gay consciousness in which "gay-shamanic spirit energy" heals self and others. The "Ex-Gay" Movement Blair, Ralph. Ex-Gay. New York: Homosexual Community Counseling Center, 1982. Analyzes the "ex-gay" movement-its history, deceitful claims, manipulation of psychological knowledge, and distortion of scripture. Olson, Mark. Where to Turn: A Guide for Gay and Lesbian Christians." The Other Side Vol. 20, no. 2 (April 1984), pp. 16-20. Reprinted in "Christians and Homosexuality" (a collection ofarticles from The Other Side). 1984. Describes 36 Christian organizations that relate to gay men and lesbians, including both "ex-gay" groups and groups (such as Affirmation) that help gay men and lesbians to pOSitively integrate their sexuality and spirituality. Congregational/ Community Healing Garotto, Alfred. Christians Reconciling: A Process for Renewal. Minneapolis: Winston Press, 1982. Proposes a structured, yet informal, approach for groups to focus on reconciliation and the Christian call to live with others as God's children. Personal Healing Boyd, Malcolm. Take Off the Masks. Rev. ed. San Francisco: Gay Sunshine Press, 1984. The author of Are You Running with Me, Jesus? tells ofthe healing in his own life as he slowly came to reconcile his spiritual faith with his gayness. O'Connor, Elizabeth. Our Many Selves: A Handbook for Self-Discovery. New York: Harper & Row, 1971. Presents practical exercises to help one toward continuing personal growth and self-realization. Pennington, Sylvia. But Lord They're Gay. Hawthorne, Calif.: Lambda Christian Fellowship, 1982. A Pentecostal evangelist relates how she felt called to a ministry of helping "heal" (i.e., change) gay men and lesbians and then instead found herself healed as her prejudices were challenged. Reconciling Congregations Washington Square UMC Wheadon UMC c/o Cathie Lyons & c/o Carol Larson Ed Weaver 2212 Ridge Avenue 135 W. 4th Street Evanston, IL 60201 New York, NY 10012 Sl Paul's UMC Park Slope UMC c/o George Christie c/o A. Finley Schaef 1615 Ogden Street 6th Avenue & 8th Street Denver, CO 80218 Brooklyn, NY 11215 Crescent Heights UMC Calvary UMC c/o Lyle Loder c/o Chip Coffman 1296 North Fairfax 815 S. 48th Street West Hollywood, CA 90046 Philadelphia, PA 19143 Wesley UMC Christ UMC c/o Patty Orlando c/o Kay Moore 1343 E. Barstow Avenue 4th & Eye Streets, SW Fresno, CA 93710 Washington, DC 20024 Bethany UMC Sl John's UMC c/o Kim Smith c/o Howard Nash 1268 Sanchez Street 2705 St. Paul Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Baltimore, MD 21218 Sunnyhills UMC Edgehill UMC c/o Martha Chow c/o Hoyt Hickman 335 Dixon Road 1502 Edgehill Avenue Milpitas, CA 95035 Nashville, TN 37212 Wallingford UMC Central UMC c/o Chuck Richards c/o Howard Abts 2115 N. 42nd Street 701 West Central at Seattle, WA 98103 Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610 Capitol Hill UMC c/o Pat Dougherty University UMC 128 Sixteenth Street East c/o Steven Webster Seattle, WA 98112 1127 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 24/ 0pen Hands https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/1bac215b87a578af7d2e40e810faeda7.pdf acebf740682ca1f85f7b7c137a93cbbd Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 2 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1987 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document t~N;:r¥~: YjN ~ ~~*~.,., ~, ~ ,~ , FORMERLY ::;F~ .',. " c "'''M~nna fC?~ the ~ourney" 1t!]IIyourljearf Irue -10 my "earl €II nu-ne II-I 0 yOUrJI__ __ _ ';Jf il il, give me your"and:' ~infer 1{}87 : ';}(ingl 10:15 1Jo/_2, 'J\[o_ J INSIDE THIS ISSUE "Heterosexism: A Systemic and Personal Evil" ....... ... 4 By Virginia Ramey Mollenkott "On Closets and Coming Out" ....................... . 10 By Patricia Broughton "Confronting Homophobia: An Educational Model" ...............16 By Mary Jo Osterman The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. These congregations strive to offer the hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Enablers are available locally to assist a congregation which is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Open Hands (formerly Manna for the Journey) is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It seeks to address concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. Contributing to this issue: Jeanne Barnett Paula E. Murphy Mark Bowman Mary Jo Patricia Osterman Broughton Rebecca Parker Joanne Brown Suzanne Pharr Kristan Burkert Beth Richardson Mary E. Hunt Bradley Rymph Scott Mierding Lois Seifert Virginia Ramey Graphic artist: Mollenkott Brenda Roth Open Hands (formerly Manna tor the Journey) is published four times a year. SubSCription is $10 for four issues. Single copies are available for $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Copyright 1987 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 2/0pen Hands II'JIJ ':Jour ljearf frue -fa m':J "earf al min e il to ':Jounl.... ';l.1if ii, give me ':Jour"and:' Z';](ingl JC:J5 I 01 t"e~concilingCongregation ~ogtam Contents Homophobia. The fear of gay/lesbian people and issues is rampant in our church, our society, our families, and ourselves. It can be found not only among heterosexual persons but also among gay men and lesbians. Antilesbian/gay hysteria appears to be growing. This is seen in statements and action by church bodies, acts of violence against lesbians/gay men, court cases, and inflammatory statements by religious and secular leaders. In the midst of this maelstrom of fear, we hope to bring a bit of calm and a great deal of energy to enable each of us to stand up to this fear. After Mary Jo Osterman briefly defines homophobia (HUnderstanding Homophobia, "p.3), Virginia Ramey Mollenkott provides a foundation for dealing with the issues in "Heterosexism: A Systemic and Personal Evil" (p. 4). Mary E. Hunt introduces the personal struggles that confront gay men and lesbians because of homophobia in "Another Pain, Another Promise" (p. 7). Jeanne Barnett, Patricia Broughton, and Scott Mierding each share their own experiences: "Just Be Invisible" (p. 8), "On Closets and Coming Out" (p. 10), and '~lone in the Crowd" (p. 11). Broughton's "coming out" has received wide coverage in the United Methodist press because of her position with the denomination's General Commission on the Status and Role of Women. That commission undertook a study of homophobia and sexism last spring, and Kristan Burkert reports on that work in "First Steps on a Journey" (p. 18). Lois Seifert and Paula E. Murphy also relate how "Churches Take the Initiative," reporting from the California-Pacific and Rocky Mountain annual conferences (pp. 20-21). Mary Jo Osterman discusses a workshop model she developed for challenging homophobia ("Confronting Homophobia: An Educational Model, " p. 16). Homophobia's effects are felt throughout society, not just in the church. In "The Connection Between Homophobia and Violence Against Women" (p. 12), Suzanne Pharr explains how homophobia relates to her work in domestic violence. Bradley Rymph discusses the relationship between "AIDS and Homophobia" (p. 14). We once again offer our regular features SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT (p. 15), written by Rebecca Parker, a clergywoman in the Pacific Northwest Conference who serves on the UMC General Board of Discipleship; RESOURCES (p. 22); and RCP REPORT (p. 23). We hope that this issue will give increased courage to all of us as we work, speak, and live for justice for all people. NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Minorities within a Minority o p H o B H o I A y y B M A R J o o s T E R M A N Irrational fear of homosexuality and of homosexual persons is a basic characteristic of our society. In the early 1970s, Dr. George Weinberg coined the term homophobia to describe this phenomenon. Since then, many social scientists, therapists, and others have used homophobia or its related term heterosexism to refer to this widespread problem.l All people are to some extent homophobic, just as all people in this society are to some degree sexist, racist, and ageist. People who have worked through their personal homophobia are still caught in the more systemic levels. Gay men and lesbians, no less than straight men and women, are homophobic on both personal and systemic levels. However, even though all people are homophobic, not all people are homophobic for the same reason. In fact, people's homophobia comes from different sources and serves different functions.2 A person's attitude toward homosexuality may be based on a first experience with a gay man or lesbian. If that experience was traumatic, fearful, or insulting, that experience may feed the person's homophobia. Such homophobia may have an experientialfunction, designed to help that person "make sense" of specific past experience. The fear is built on a perceived need to protect oneself from further intrusion or assault. Some persons are homophobic because of their own inner conflict about sexuality. They may have had a homosexual experience. They may have homosexual fantasies or may feel some attraction to persons oftheir own gender. Because they lack an explanation of human sexuality adequate to deal with these conflicts, they may use rigid categories. They box off people into "me" and "them," "good" and "bad." For these people, homophobia has a defensive junction, designed to help them cope with their personal conflict. The fear here is based on a need to keep one's own shaky identity together. Still other persons are homophobic for a symbolic reason. That is, some persons need to acknowledge their identity by expressing a stance taken by a group that is important to them. Thus, a person closely tied to a group or institution that is homophobic (e.g., the church, the Moral Majority, one's family) will tend also to be homophobic out of loyalty to and identification with that group or institution. For a fourth group of people, homophobia has a political function. These people need to predict and control the actions of other persons and groups so they are kept from important decision-making roles. This function of homophobia operates on an assumption that power is limited and to be closely hoarded by those already in power. This function can be seen at work in persons concerned about keeping gay men and lesbians invisible and out of leadership positions. Sometimes, this form of homophobia is camouflaged by theological and biblical issues. The fear here is that a "different" group of people will take over, change the nature of "our" group or institution, and influence people in different directions than "we" want them to go. Finally, homophobia can serve an economic junction. Operating out of a model of scarcity and privilege, our society offers jobs, goods, and services as rewards for certain behaviors and lifestyles and withholds them as punishment when persons do not conform to acceptable lifestyles and behaviors. The effects ofthis function of homophobia are apparent. Witness the continuous loss of careers, the tremendous drop in income, and the scarcity of services for gay men and lesbians who have "come out." The fear here appears to be that "approving" of gay men and lesbians will give them access to houses in "our" neighborhoods, to jobs "we" might otherwise get, and to services that are already scarce. With all these functions that homophobia serves, one might easily assume that overcoming homophobia in oneself, the church, or society is impossible. Difficult, yes. Impossible, no. Through committed, deliberate efforts, homophobia can be successfully confronted. Later in the issue (see page 16), I discuss one model that has proved successful at challenging homophobia-the use of carefully designed and facilitated workshops .• 1. For further discussion, see my monograph, Homophobia Is a Social Disease (Evanston, Ill.: Kinheart, Inc,. 1987). 2. The first three ofthese functions (experiential, defensive, symbolic) are adapted from Gregory M. Herek, "Beyond 'Homophobia': A Social Psychological Perspective onAttitudes toward Lesbians and Gay Men"; in John P. De Cecco, ed., Bashers. Baiters. and Bigots: Homophobia in American Society (New York: Harrington Park Press, 1985), pp. 1-21. I have added the broader systemic functions. Mary 10 Osterman is a cofounder and codirector of Kinhean. Inc.. in Evanston. flUnois. A former assistant professor of Christian education at Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary. she is a member of Wheadon UMC, a Reconciling Congregation. Open Hands/3 H E R o As Christian churches attempt to become more inclusive, one of their most difficult challenges is the task of overcoming internal heterosexism so they can help society to do the same. Although discussion around this issue usually centers on the term homophobia, I have come to prefer the term heterosexism. Homophobia sounds like a private, clinical problema morbid, hysterical abnormality that other people have. There is nothing private about heterosexism, however. The asssumptions underlying heterosexism-like those underlying racism, sexism, handicapism, ageism, classism, nationalism, and militarism-are so pervasive in "Heterosexism ... is a system ofcoercion that demands heterosexuality in return for jirstclass citizenship. " their effects on each of us that we do not question them; they seem as if they are forces of nature. And the more they remain unconscious, the more power they wield over our behavior. But heterosexism is not just a personal problem we all share. It is also systemic, that is to say it is institutionalized throughout our society. Heterosexism is a political institution-a set ofassumptions that empower heterosexuals, especially heterosexual white males, and exclude open lesbians and gay men from social, religious, and political power. It is a system of coercion that demands heterosexuality in return for first-class citizenship. It is a system that forces homosexual persons into silence concerning the majority of their lives. When we teach, write, or preach as if heterosexuality were everybody's orientation, we automatically exclude gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, or anyone who does not fit narrow definitions of appropriate sexuality. Furthermore, if we support compulsory heterosexuality, we strongly support the oppression of women, because women have been the subordinated and exploited sex during all the centuries of patriarchy. Society trains women to place themselves below men. One result is "male-identified" women who vehemently and vocally oppose inclusive language, ordination ofwomen, the Equal Rights Amendment, and anything else that might give women a status equal to men's. Heterosexism also encourages mother-son relationships between adult women and men. In the words of Adrienne Rich. it encourages a false consciousness in which women are supposed to provide "maternal solace, nonjudgmental nurturing, and compassion" for men in general -even for "harassers, rapists, and batterers,"1 as well as for those "brothers" who merely feed on female energy while relegating women to secondary, powerless roles (for example, in the church). Such maternal solace tends to alTest both male and female emotional development; it is not good for anybody. Even gay males are sometimes shocked and upset when their lesbian sisters withdraw their mothering and begin to use their energy on their own behalf; in this area as in several others, the gay community itself is plagued by heterosexism. Although heterosexism hampers the development of all women and men and excludes self-affirming gay males and lesbians from positions of authority, I suspect that, ultimately, it is more harmful to women than to men. Teaching women that heterosexuality is compulsory is absolutely vital to maintaining the power men in general hold over women in general. This is certainly the case with economic power. Economic inequities alone are enough to keep many women from daring to live authentically, and those inequities are a function of heterosexism. [This argument is further developed by Suzanne Pharr on page 12.] Much "Christian heterosexism" is based on what the church understands to be the clear teaching of Scripture. As an evangelical Christian, I do not believe that we can take that fact lightly. We need to think together about the facts of the Bible and the historical relationship between the church, the Bible, and homosexual persons. To be sure, many English translations ofthe Bible contain the word homosexual in extremely negative contexts. But the fact is that these passages are flagrant mistranslations. No word equivalent to our understanding of the term homosexual occurs anywhere in the original biblical texts-not in any extant text in Hebrew, Greek, Syriac, or Aramaic. The term was not developed in any language until the late 19th century, when first the awareness began to develop that some people have a lifelong, constitutional orientation toward their own sex. The inaccurate use of the term homosexual in English Bible translations helps fuel the heterosexist prejudice that endangers the civil rights and even the lives of homosexual persons. For example, two Greek words in 1 Corinthians 6:9 (one of which is repeated in 1 Timothy 1:10) are sometimes taken to mean that homosexuals will be excluded from God's realm and therefore do not merit protection in the human realm. But, until well into the 20th century, the first of these words, malakos, was unanimously understood by y B v I R G I N I A R A 4/0pen Hands s •• religious leaders to mean not homosexual acts but masturbation. Thus, 1 Corinthians 6:9 was understood to say that no one who masturbated would enter God's realm without first being washed, sanctified, and justified. There is no HTeaching women that heterosexuality is compulsory is absolutely vital to maintaining the power men in general have over women in general. " textual reason why the understanding of malakos should recently have been changed from masturbation to homosexuality. Whatever malakos means, I believe that 1 Corinthians 6:9's real meaning is that nobody will enter God's realm without being washed, sanctified, and justified. The specific sins listed there-including greediness, slander, and swindling-are illustrative only; they certainly do not limit the forms ofsin from which we human beings need to be redeemed! The second word, arsenokoites, was taken during the first four Christian centuries to mean "male prostitute." As they are now, male prostitutes then were available for hire by women as well as men. That this word should now be translated homosexual, negating its context of criticizing a specific sexual practice that was both opposite-sex and same-sex, is typical of heterosexist misuses of biblical passages. Furthermore, Paul wrote about homosexual acts committed by heterosexual persons. He gave no indication that he was aware of a lifelong homosexual orientation that is discovered rather than chosen. Yale historian John Boswell has pointed out that in the early Christian church almost nobody appealed to the Bible as authority to condemn homosexual acts. On the contrary, throughout the Middle Ages, ecclesiastical as well as popular literature often celebrated the love relationships between same-sex pairs like David and Jonathan and Ruth and Naomi, sometimes using distinctly erotic overtones.2 The first ecumenical (or general) church council to rule against homosexual acts was Lateran III, meeting in 1179 A.D. That same council also imposed sanctions against moneylenders, heretics, Jews, and Muslims. The fact that for nearly l3 centuries the Christian church took no official action to oppose homosexual behavior should tell us that contemporary Christian hostility against lesbians and gay men stems not from the Bible, not from early Christian tradition, but from contemporary heterosexism. And the fact that the sanction against homosexual acts was flanked by sanctions against moneylenders, heretics, Jews, and Muslims should warn us that discrimination against anyone group endangers other groups as well. Nobody's human rights are safe until everybody's human rights are safe. 3 Jesus himself pronounced no condemnations against sex among unmarried people and said nothing that bore any relationship to homosexuality. Though he was apparently celibate, Jesus had a very close relationship with John, who repeatedly described himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." Jesus also was very insistent on the absolute importance of loving our neighbor as we love ourselves and of treating other people as we ourselves would like to be treated-a point that many clergy and laypersons would do well to consider. Presumably, those persons would not like to lose any of their rights as citizens, including the rights to hold jobs for which they qualify and to live where they please. Far from violating the intentions of the Bible and the practices of early church tradition, such acts as supporting anti-discrimination laws and same-sex covenantal unions actually constitute the extension to gay men and lesbians of the same protective support that heterosexual Christians covet for themselves. Supporting the equal inclusion of gay men and lesbians in the church and society thus helps fulfill Christ's law of love. Thomas Aquinas wrote, "Because ofthe diverse condition of humans, it happens that some acts are virtuous to H contemporary Christian hostility against lesbians and gay men stems not from the Bible, notfrom early Christian tradition, but from contemporary heterosexism. " some people, as appropriate and suitable to them, while the same acts are immoral to others, as inappropriate to them." The Christian churches are being called on to affirm the human dignity of those persons for whom homosexual love is appropriate, suitable, and virtuous. Nobody is requesting special privileges for gay men and lesbians. No church and no business is being asked to seek out and try to hire gay/lesbian people as part of an affirmative action program. But we should ask insistently (continued on next page) y E M o L L E N K o T T Open Hands/5 H E T E R o s E x I s M: that gay men and lesbians be granted the same protections and respect that other minority groups already receive in both church and society. Most of the homosexual people in the church are understandably unwilling or afraid to come forward to speak on their own behalf. To do so likely would jeopardize their personal ministries. Openness could also jeopardize their jobs and housing and perhaps even their lives. Fortunately, the church could still fulfill its promise by leading the way as we seek to overcome the systemic evil called heterosexism. The tasks before us as we work to redeem the church are several: 1. We should urge the church to repent of allowing any of its members to defame the highest and holiest love feelings of people whose orientation is toward the same sex. We must recognize that people are dehumanized when someone compares their tender and holy affections to alcoholism, bestiality, or other sicknesses or behaviors that do not involve the consent and loving affirmation of two adult human beings. 2. We should urge the church to extend ordination to those gay men and lesbians who are gifted, responsible, and called to the ministry. Human beings should always be dealt with on an individual basis; the moment categories are utilized, our common humanity is denied. No sexual orientation is either good or bad as an abstraction; it is how an individual makes use of his or her sexuality that makes that person either responsible or irresponsible. 3. We must point out to churches that condemn all sex outside of marriage (whether heterosexual or homosexual) as unbiblical that they are not being equitable unless they provide a way for homosexual relationships to achieve recognition in an equivalent of marriage. An unmarried heterosexual person always has the option to marry. Unless an unmarried gay man or lesbian has an equivalent option available within his or her own orientation, the congregation's sexual ethic remains distorted by heterosexist injustice. 4. We must provide active support for existing homosexual relationships to help them achieve stability, just as the church attempts to support heterosexual marriages. 5. We must give all young people, including gay/lesbian young people, assistance in learning how to love. Mutual respect and mutual servanthood should be taught to men as well as women, gay/lesbian people as well as heterosexuals. The emphasis should be on the quality of relationship, rather than on external, quantitative standards such as whether one has a legal certificate or whether one "does it" with a man or a woman. 6. We should provide all young people with a healthy environment in which to meet a life partner, taking care that that environment includes rather than excludes gay/lesbian persons. What is appropriate or tasteful for gay men and lesbians should be no different from what is appropriate or tasteful for heterosexuals. To create social events that assume by their very format that everyone is heterosexual is heterosexism in action. It forces gay young people to turn to bars and baths, significantly reducing their chances of meeting "suitable" partners and significantly increasing the possibility of contracting AIDS. 7. We should urge clergy to work actively to overcome heterosexism at the grass roots, mentioning the oppression of lesbians and gay men from the pulpit along with other oppressions and arranging times when people can ventilate their fears and engage in dialogue with people whom they know to be gay or lesbian. 8. We should ask gay/ lesbian Christian organizations for help in developing a healthy Christian sexual ethic. Homosexual Christians have had to think a lot more about sexuality than most heterosexual Christians have, simply because society has not provided road maps and guidelines for homosexual dating and covenantal union. In my opinion, many Christian churches are operating out of a truly hypocritical, superficial stance regarding human sexuality, scapegoating gay men and lesbians because the churches do not wish to face the pervasive problems of evolving sexual standards. 9. We should commit ourselves to preaching a consistent gospel of grace rather than backsliding into a message of works where homosexuality is concerned. When any church implies that gay men and lesbians must be celibate to be first-class Christians, that church is adding to John 3: 16 by asking that those persons both believe in Jesus and also sacrifice sexual relationship. Worse yet: when any church teaches that homosexual persons must repent of their orientation, that church is actually defaming God's good creation, God's good gift of sexuality! Until the church accepts and rejoices in diversity, until it affirms God's unconditional love for all persons, all people in the church will be denying to themselves the full experience of God's unconditional love. What we give is what we get. What we see is what we are. Itis time for the church to overcome its heterosexism and learn to see in gay men and lesbians the very holy and beloved sons and daughters of the living God.• 1. Adrienne Rich, Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Experience (Denver: Antelope Publications, 1980), p. 19. 2. John Boswell, Christianity. Social Tolerance. and Homosexuality: Gay People in Western Europe from the Beginning ofthe Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980). 3. I admire Willard Swartley's book, Slavery. Sabbath. War, and Women: Case Studies in Biblical Interpretation (Scottsdale, Pa.: Herald Press, 1983). He demonstrates in a scholarly and dispassionate way exactly how the Bible was used to support such institutions as slavery, war, and the subjugation of women. He has also shown how through perfectly scholarly hermeneutical alternatives the Bible can be understood instead to support human liberty, pacifism, and racial and sexual equality-through-mutuality. Virginia Ramey Mollenkott. Ph.D .• is professor ofEnglish at William Paterson College ofNew Jersey and co-author with Letha Dawson Scanzoni. of Is the Homosexual My Neighbor: Another Christian View. She is president of the Advisory Board ofEvangelicals Concerned and a member ofthe Steering Committee of Women ofFaith in the 80s. 6/0pen Hands B y M A E. H u N T Y ars have passed since the first courageous souls stood up to homophobia and "came out" in their local churches, church bureaucracies, and religious orders. Some have long since left, either of their own volition or by force. Others are continuing to minister with an unexpected measure of tolerance. Still others have limited their "good news" to a few trusted friends and colleagues so that they are able to be both in the church and selectively out of the closet. All who have come out in churches have experienced some measure of pain and alienation, fear, and uncertainty in the process. There is, it seems to me, no prescription for how to do this, no theo-politically correct route. Rather, each person's decision is different, taking into account the parameters of one's ministry and the state of one's church. Meanwhile, some denominations- notably the United Methodist, parts of the Anglican, and, of course, the Roman Catholic -have made increasingly clear their opposition to lesbian/gay ministries, whether ordained or not. It pains me to realize the impact that this is having on the Christian community. Some of "the best and the brightest" are rethinking their vocations. Some are moving toward specializations that will take them out of parish work. Others are contemplating career moves that will allow them to love fully without looking over their shoulders. I applaud their integrity. But I am also fascinated and edified by those who choose to remain in ministry. We all know horror stories of ministers, priests, or religious who come out as sexually active gay/ lesbian Christians (many in stable, long-term relationships) only to lose their pastoral assignment, their ordination, and sometimes even their church membership. These cases make headlines, as well they might, when Christian churches act in ways that mock Gospel values of inclusiveness and mutuality. What does not make headlines, but needs to be articulated, is the fact that many people have had paradoxical experiences. By being open and affirming of their sexual preference as a reflection of Divine love, they have found that their ministries have increased tenfold. These stories deserve to be told as well. Three examples, the tip of a big iceberg, give me hope that others might have similar experiences. Beth is a white, Protestant minister in an urban area. Her liberal denomination ordains lesbians and gay men but cannot guarantee that its local churches will call them to pastoral assignments. Beth's father is a retired clergyman, but not even his loving acceptance and celebration of her has moved his colleagues to push for her candidacy. Beth has taken secular jobs to support hersel( She has been active in her denomination's lesbian/gay group. She has been instrumental in starting a new local church that welcomes lesbians and gay men. Without romanticizing her struggle, it is safe to say that her contribution to the life of the church is significant. Those who have ears have heard. Betty is a black Protestant for whom the oppression of being black, a woman, and a lesbian has been difficult. Betty has been "out" selectively; her position in her church makes it hard for her to do more at this time. But the little crack in the closet door has sent many women and men flocking to her for pastoral care and counseling. She has discovered that her ministry is even more widespread, that her presence as a sign of freedom is more powerful than ever. At times she is overwhelmed by the responsibilities, but she is ever more affirmed in her vocation. George is a white Catholic whose choice not to be a priest was rooted in his self-awareness as a gay man who chose to be sexually active. He is a theologically trained psychologist whose practice has grown by leaps and bounds since news of his sexual orientation has become known. Some people shy away, of course, for fear of being labeled. But many others, especially gay men from a range of religious persuasions, throng to his practice. They know that their religious beliefs will be taken seriously while they deal with interwoven psychological issues. George says that he never imagined how much of a priest he could be. His work soothes not just psyches but souls. The pain that each of these has felt, my own pain, and maybe yours as a lesbian or gay man, is not to be trivialized Many cannot see beyond it to the promise. Many consider the promise a joke because of their pain. But some ministries are finding the promise of the Christian faith renewed and the meaning of the Christian community rekindled, paradoxically, through their openness. It bodes well for the church .• Mary E. H unt is a Catholic feminist theologian and the co-director of Women sAlliance f or Theology, Ethics, and Ritual (WA.T.E.R) in Silver Spring, Maryland. She is also VISiting Assistant Professor ofReligion at Colgate University. Open Hands/7 hen I was 50 years old, I finally said to myself, "I am homosexual and that is absolutely right, correct, and beautiful to me." I had been working through that awareness for two or three years. I then had the decisions to make of telling others: who, when, and how. I learned that telling others about my homosexuality, being out to others, is continuousforever. • About nine months after I came out to myself, I shared this with a couple who are dear friends of mine. They are both United Methodist pastors, appointed to ted freely about our lives and relationships. Then I asked her about telling our senior pastor. She immediately responded, "No!" She explained that the senior pastor was not in agreement with her stands on homosexuality and that he had objected to a commitment ceremony she had conducted for a lesbian couple. Months later I was ready to come out to church friends and associates. At our annual conference session, she urged me not to tell others in the church, including the senior pastor. She stated that she did not want to see me hurt. She also told me, "You are strong; I knowyou are strong enough to handle the hurt." But she still did not want me to tell other folks. church. I was extremely nervous. So nervous, I was forcing myself to talk. It took a lot of effort. I already knew that he was not accepting of lesbians and gay men. I was simply very scared. I had made some notes of what I wanted to say ahead of time, but I had a terrible time starting. We had a variety of idle chitchat. Finally I said, "I haven't discovered any good way to get into this subject except to say it. I am a lesbian. I wanted to tell you now, because I'm telling this to a number of folks in the church. I felt I should tell you before you hear it from someone else." I can't remember all that was said thereafter. I can only remember some of his comments and questions were unexpected. I another local church. We talked freanswered them the best I could. B y J E A N N E B A R N E T T quently, in person when we could, but most often by phone. They were good to talk to and realized that I was still in the process of learning about myself. I indicated that I had decided not to come out in my local church. They both quickly agreed. In hindsight, I know my friends were concerned for me. They believed that I needed time to understand myself, to gain strength in that understanding and not to be visible until I was ready. But I had also received a negative message, "Be invisible." They may not have intended to send a deny-your-person message, but that's what I had to consider. • My local church associate minister, a clergywoman, was very understanding, wholly accepting of gay men and lesbians. We met for lunch. I told her, "I am a lesbian." Her personal response to me was very accepting and supportive. We chat- In spite of her support and her warm, even protective, feelings towards me, I received a negative message-that I should conceal this very important part of my personhood from others who would hurt me. Since I did not know who would hurt me, I must withdraw and remain closeted from others. To avoid pain, I should be invisible. • As 1 did come out to various folks in my local church and annual conference, I knew I had to tell the senior pastor. I was in my second year as lay leader in our church, which is fairly large, nearly one thousand members. My relationship with this pastor when dealing with the program and leadership of the church was cordial, but it was not a strong personal relationship. I asked to meet because I had <'r'\mething I wanted to share with aim. We met, as we had several times before, for a bag lunch at the With more experience I'd like to answer them again. I'm sure I would do a better job of it now. He indicated that he didn't understand why I needed to tell him. He didn't consider it anyone's business what went on between him and his wife, so he didn't understand why I needed to tell anyone about my private life. Hadn't he guessed or wondered if I was a lesbian? No, he had assumed I was heterosexual. I told him that at my work many people assumed I was homosexual. The last question he asked me was "Are you going to a be homosexual first?" I was startled by the question. It didn't make sense. How can an orientation or direction be first? I answered the question he was really asking me, "How visible a lesbian was I going to be?" I expected to be about the same, still involved in a variety of areas of the church and getting more active in the lesbian/gay community. This seemed to satisfy him and the conversation ended. 8/0pen Hands I reflected on what he didn't ask, such as, how were you dealing with homosexuality, with your family and friends, and how was it at work? Nothing was asked or discussed in any of the key personal areas. He really was uncomfortable discussing it at all. And I was just as uncomfortable trying to talk with him. During the next year, the subject came up between us about three times. One each occasion he stuttered over the word homosexual. He never was able to say lesbian. This pastor's direct message to me was "Don't tell: I don't want to know, and if you are homosexual, don't be visible." • My family partner, Ellie, and I had our picture taken together for our local church directory. When we went in for our appointment to select our proof, the young woman working for the photo company asked Ellie, "Did you bring a friend to help you choose your picture?" Ellie replied, "No, we're family." The woman continued, "Are you sisters?" "No." "Are you mother and daughter?" (That was ridiculous!) "No." "Cousins?" Finally, Ellie replied, "No, we're a lesbian couple." "Oh!" and then silence. Ellie and I opened a joint bank account not long ago. Ellie went to the bank, got signature cards, arranged for each of us to have our own separate checks, two automatic teller cards, etc. Mter some time into the arrangements, the bank clerk asked, "Are you sisters?" Ellie answered, "No, we're a lesbian couple." "Oh!" the clerk exclaimed, paused awhile, then proceeded with the arrangements. The public and businesses do not want to see homosexuals, certainly not as couples going about everyday living. "We'll do business with you, but be invisible." • My younger sister, Carolyn, and I are all that is left ofour immediate family. With our parents gone, we have drawn closer as we have gotten older. We share our personal thoughts, plans, and trials of life. When I identified my sexual orientation and ran into my first problem at age 50, the first person I called was my sister. I needed to talk and she is a good listener. She didn't understand and at first thought it was a phase that would pass. Because she felt homosexuality was not God's plan, she knew I wouldn't get involved with a woman. When I did get serious about a woman, Carolyn could not handle it. In our phone conversations and in her letters to me, sometimes she would ask, "How is your friend?" and "Do you still see her?" I knew very well that, if my friend had been a man, my sister would have wanted to know all about him, all about our dates, and all about how the relationship was progressing. I became very offended that she couldn't treat my female relationship the same. She could not. She could not even use the woman's name to me. I felt that was her way of keeping me as a lesbian invisible. • Ellie and I were invited to participate in an intergenerational education event on human sexuality. Ellie, who is very knowledgeable in the subject, became a small group leader and was assigned to the senior high group. I decided to be part of the enterprise as an adult participant. We went with such high hopes. We had been invited by the leaders ofthe event, who knew we were a lesbian couple. We thought we would have an opportunity to be a visible lesbian couple at the event, a positive image. That never happened. We were separated as leader and participant, in senior high and adult groups. We thought homosexuality as well as heterosexuality would be discussed. Members of the adult group submitted several questions for discussion on homosexuality; however, the leaders never directly addressed homosexuality in the group discussion. We went with hopes of positive visibility. However, the program format and the manner in which the leaders handled the questions did not permit that to happen even when there were opportunities. The message received was "we want you to come, participate, provide leadership, but do not be a visible lesbian couple." As I write this article now about these incidents and many others, I wonder-Did lover-react? Did I misread the hidden message? I cannot tell. I do know how I reacted and how I felt. Just be invisible. I can't. To ask me, directly or indirectly, to be invisible is to ask me to live a lie-to ask me not to be myself-to ask me to deny myself-to ask me to endure the continuous personal pain of hiding me. Not a single person mentioned in this story would make that request directly. But some would feel better or would have felt better in the past, if I were invisible. To be invisible is to deny my personhood. It is to deny who I am. In Hamlet, Shakespeare has Polonius advise his son Laertes: This above all: to thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. In the musical "La Cage Aux FolIes," Albin sings: Life's not worth a damn, 'Til you can say: "Hey world, I am what I am." Jesus said to his disciples: I give you a new commandment: Love one another; as I have loved you, So are you to love one another. Ifthere is this love among you, Then all will know that you are my disciples. I am me. I am a lesbian. I am here. I AM NOT INVISIBLE.• Jeanne Barnett is chair of the Administrative Board and lay member to annual conference at St. Mark's UMC in Sacramento, California. She is a career administrator with the state of California. Open Hands/ 9 A ting in one body, and one of some point for each of them is a liar.2 us, 1 suppose, the horror of remaining silent beThe truth is that I am no longer comes more compelling content to be a liar. I want tothan the risk of speaking out. stand flat-footed on the earth. 1 wantI could feel my anxiety mountto be one person, whole and coming as the discussion progressed, not plete. I want to tell the truth-about so much from a conscious fear of my life and about the heritage, culcoming out, as from fear of being ture, and reality that 1 share with my censured for speaking out ofturn as lesbian sisters and my gay brothers. the editor of the agency's newsletter. And 1want to know how it is thatIt was September 21, 1985, at the the worst sin in the church is for a annual meeting of the General woman to love a woman, or a man Commission on the Status and Role to love a man? The church is asking of Women (GCSRW) of the United gay men and lesbians to do whatMethodist Church. Members of the cannot be done-to separate ourGCSRW were debating whether to sexuality from the rest of our being. undertake, as one oftheir projects, a To deny one's sexuality (whether study of the linkages between sexexpressed genitally or not) is to be ism and homophobia [see article by cut offfrom one's spirituality. These Kristan Burkert, page 18.]. energies are integrally connected. The clergywoman from Florida As Beverly Harrison writes:kept repeating: "I just don't see what nor the support 1 wished for. Our energy-literally, the gift of this has to do with this commislife- is body-mediated energy .... sion." I kept hearing silence in reA colleague's first response to Our sexuality represents our most my coming out was a hug and "I intense interaction with the world. sponse. Finally, when 1 could bear love you." And then she said: "It's Because this is so, it is also a key to the void no longer, I stepped into it. too bad you came out. You do such the quality and integrity of our "The connections," I said, turnoverall spirituality.3 ing toward her, "are really clear to good work. Now others can disHow incredible that a church me." And then I named myself count your work." that professes a faith grounded in "lesbian." Her comment seemed to me an the triumph of life over death Do not think that my decision to invitation, an invitation to go back should require sexual-and spiricome out as a lesbian in the employinto the closet, to name sexual tual-death of certain of its memment of the UMC was made in that orientation as irrelevant or unimbers. What an ingenious way to moment. No, I had been making portant, unrelated to my creativity destroy a peoples' spirituality-to that decision in tiny steps along the or vocation. I wanted to say, ""I have require them to deny their sexuality. way. That particular coming out was had too many ofthese invitations in As for me, 1 can no longer parsimply a part of my growing resolve my days. I am at the point now of ticipate in the illusion that women that to continue to hide and lie refusing most of them." do not love women and men do not about my sexuality was to make a I did say to her: ""My work is as love men. I can no longer let stand mockery of my values, my faith, and good as it is, and getting better, the apparent lie. To continue to lie my community. Clearly, I felt, it was precisely because of moments like about my sexuality is to give life to time. In some place, buried deep, I these. 1 am becoming whole, intethe oppressive illusion that all perwas ready to claim my wholeness grating my private and public selves. sons are heterosexuals. To name more publicly, ready to accept the That wholeness is reflected in my myself aloud as lesbian is to refuse consequences of this step in my writing. When I shut off pieces of to bolster the illusion. It is to refuse process of integration. myself, 1 do not have access to my to add one more brick to the walls of Judy Grahn writes about the own material." the closet or one more moment to the centuries of oppression suffered need for this public/private integraby my sisters and brothers. M y fear, having come out, was tion in Another Mother Tongue: The gay closet has many points of not so much the negative response ofstrangers who, consequentdiscomfort. One is the sheer shame ly, wrote letters naming homoTo name myself aloud as lesbian that life must be so secret, that sexuality as "sin" and challenging is to challenge the homophobia the GCSRWs right to employ a "selfone's citizenship is always dependent on how camouflaged as a so rampant in the church and heterosexual one appears. The avowed" lesbian. No, my fear lay in society. The silence that surrounds necessary double life means that the possible betrayal by friends and our presence is evidence of the the Gay person can never simply colleagues. As it turned out, I experihomophobia. It is homophobia that enced neither the feared betrayal- stand flat-footed on the earth; there are always two people opera- is responsible for the fact that gay y p B A T R I c I A B R o u G H T o N JO/Open Hands B Y S COT T MIERDING CWSETS(continued) men and lesbians were conspicuously absent from the litany of oppressed persons in the Sunday morning liturgy following the GCSRWs one-day study on homophobia last February. To name myself aloud as lesbian is to challenge the power of the patriarchy to prevent women from bonding with one another. This fear ofbeing labeled lesbian has kept me invisible, divided within myself, estranged from my sisters (both lesbian and straight), and confined within prescribed notions ofwhat is appropriately "female." I continue to be angered and horrified when I think of the damage we as women do to ourselves and our sisters to avoid being labeled lesbian (whether we are or not). What I hear the UMC (and other parts of Christianity) saying to me and to my lesbian sisters and gay brothers is "Choose. Choose sexuality or spirituality." What I know is that to choose is to accept the false dualism upon which the church is built. To choose is to gird up the illusion of either/or. What I am beginning to realize is that for years, faced with this choice, I chose neither the fullness of my sexuality nor the fullness of my spirituality. Now I am learning to choose both. I believe that my personal healing, the healing ofus as a people, and the healing ofour planet depend on each ofus telling the truth about our lives. And one of the places I begin to tell the truth is by naming myself lesbian .• 1. Judy Grahn, Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words. Gay Worlds (Boston: Beacon Press, 1984), p.26. 2. Ibid, p.27. 3. Beverly Wildung Harrison, Making the Connections (Boston: Beacon Press, 1985), p.149. Patricia Broughton is a free-lance writer who works on a contract basis with the General Commission on the Status and Role ofWomen ofthe UMC in Evanston. Rlinois. A L o N E From the time of my earliest memories, I have felt apart from the church. I was raised as an active Methodist in Nebraska-active, but excluded nonetheless. The exclusions were never blatant. Plans were made to hold church dances where boys and girls could date in a controlled environment. I felt excluded because there were no plans for an event where I could date. Anita Bryant's Dade County referendum on gay/lesbian rights occurred during my high school years. As sexuality began to be discussed in adult and senior high school, I was excluded. Once I heard the discussions of homosexuality, I froze. The hatred, judgment, and misconceptions that Christians had for "those people" amazed me. Perhaps the most painful realization was that I was being talked about behind my back in front of my face. I had many questions I could never ask and many social skills I could never develop because I knew what the response would be if I said anything. I drifted away from the church after college. I found society at large much more willing than the church to accept me as I was. As I watched the people involved in the "Good News" movement (the conservative, evangelical caucus in the UMC) spread the false word that not even God could love me, I hurt. I grew bitter at the church for its lost promise. Recently I returned to the United Methodist Church. I did as I had been taught and said nothing of my personal life. I tried to be a full participant, but I could not. During this time, my partner terminated our relationship of two years. Still I had to keep silent. I needed comfort and encouragement, just like any divorced person, but none was available. After three weeks of growing more and more depressed, isolated, and withdrawn, I approached the church pastor with the problem. We talked of the isolation and the deliberate blind side of the church. We talked about the LaRouche initiative, about AIDS, and about the church's response to and isolation of minorities. In the end, he felt that the political pressure kept him from leading the congregation towards dealing with those issues. I was advised to come out discreetly to those whose acceptance I thought possible. My bitterness at the church for its lost promise is not just disappointment. I want to cry when I realize that those persons see us sick, hurting, and hungry and just don't care. I still feel isolated, but at least I have the calm and strong assurance that God does love me .• Scott Mierding is a lawyer in San Francisco. California. Open Hands/}} T H E c I Male violence against women comes from an imbalance and misuse of power, from dominance and control. It is based on a-system of inequity in • which there is a belief in gender-based superiority /inferiority. Through our work in the battered women's movement we have developed an analysis of male violence against women that goes beyond some of the simpler explanations of violence. We do not view it as being caused by undue stress, by the influence ofalcohol or drugs; we don't still see young boys encouraged to be directive, selfview it as the result of childhood violence or mental illasserting, and career-oriented, and young girls taught to ness. What we have seen in our work is that violence against women is directly related to the condition of women in a society that refuses them equal pay, equal access to resources, equal treatment in history books or literature, and equal status with males. From this condition comes the confirmation of the male sense of ownership of women, their power over women, and their right to control women for their own means. The violence of men is fed, then, by their sense of superiority over a group of people who because of gender are supposedly inferior to them. Those ofuse who believe this to be a battered women's movement (and not just a collection of service-providing agencies) have known for a decade or more that, if our goal is to end violence against women, then we have to provide more than safe space and service. We have to work for women's rights and equality on all fronts. We understand the relationship of pay inequity to violence, of unpaid household work to violence, of single gender (male) history and literature to violence, of the entire system ofunequal treatment to violence: this lack of equality supports male dominance and control. We know that, until women find fair and equal treatment under the law, men will continue to consider it their right to dominate and control. Given women's economic dependence upon men and male systems, we find it frightening and difficult to step out of line to seek freedom and equality, to change all of society's institutions that keep us from gaining our rights and our power. For our safety, we are encouraged to curtail activities that could possibly threaten the protection and acceptance some women get from males and male institutions. Hence, many women feel too much at risk to speak and work in their own behalf and are consequently easily threatened by male disapproval, i.e., society's disapproval. Inequality thrives on the oppressed group's intimida tion. Inequality between the sexes is fed by sex role stereotyping which begins at birth and continues through life. From the time we are very young, we are taught that there are different proper behaviors expected from each sex, and though the women's movement has worked hard to raise consciousness about these differences, these behaviors are still enforced in a child's life. We be accommodating, pleasing, indirect, and familyoriented (with perhaps a career thrown in on the side). Women are taught that to be directive, self-assertive, career-oriented is to be not womanly, feminine, acceptable to men-and therefore they might lose what little power and privilege has been granted them. The myth is that for a woman to maintain roles-to be a pleaser, a giver, a nurturer, a supporter who demands little for herself-is to be repaid with a man to provide authority over her life, financial security, decision making, and direction. To eschew roles is to be cut adrift, to be without order, to be out of proper boundaries, to be someone who gets in the way of the flow of society and the acceptable, routinized order of relationships. The woman who thinks that she should be able to accomplish whatever she is capable of instead of what is expected of her is a threat to society: she has stepped out of line. To know no artifical sense of boundaries gives a heady sense of freedom, a sense of release, of joy; and once she knows it, she has to be intimidated if she's to get back in line again: she must be controlled. She must be taught that she will suffer significant losses if she strays out there in those free open spaces. Two primary enforcers of sex role stereotyping are homophobia (irrational fear and hatred of homosexuals) and heterosexism (the use of sexual identity for dominance and privilege). It is not by chance that, when children approach puberty and increased sexual awareness, they begin to taunt each other by calling these names: "queer," "faggot," "pervert." Children know what we have taught them, as we have given clear messages that those who deviate from standard expectations are to be made to get back in line. The best controlling tactic at puberty is to be treated as an outsider, to be ostracized at a time when it feels most vital to conform. Those who are different must be made to suffer loss. It is also at puberty that misogyny begins to be more apparent, and girls are pressured to conform to societal norms that do not permit them to realize their full potential. There was a time when the two most condemning accusations against a woman to ostracize her were "whore" and "lesbian." The sexual revolution and changing attitudes about heterosexual behavior may have led to a lessening of the power of the word whore. However, the 12/ 0pen Hands I E N word lesbian is still fully charged and carries with it the full threat ofloss ofpower and privilege, the threat ofbeing cut asunder, abandoned, and left outside society's protection. To be a lesbian is to be perceived as someone who has stepped out of line, who has moved out of sexual! economic dependence on men, who is woman-identified. A lesbian is perceived as someone who can live without men, who is therefore (however illogically) against men. A lesbian is perceived as being outside the acceptable, routinized order of things. A lesbian is perceived as someone who has no societal institutions to protect her and who is not privileged to receive protection of individual males. A lesbian is perceived as someone who stands in contradicijon of the sacrifices heterosexual women have made. A lesbian is perceived as a threat. Lesbian-baiting is an attempt to control women by calling them lesbians because their behavior is not acceptable: when they are being independent, going their own way, fighting for their rights, demanding equal pay, saying no to violence, being self-assertive, bonding and loving the company of women, assuming the right to their bodies, insisting upon their own authority, making changes that include them in society's decision making. Lesbianbaiting occurs when women are called lesbians because they have stepped out of line. How many of us have heard battered women's stories about their abusers calling them lesbians or calling the battered women's shelter a lesbian place? The abuser is not so much labeling her a lesbian as he is warning her that she is choosing to be outside society's protection (of male institutions), and she therefore should choose to be with him, with what is "right." He recognizes the power in woman-bonding and fears loss of her servitude and loyalty: the potential loss ofhis control. The concern is not affectional!sexual identity; the concern is disloyalty. The labeling is a threat. And the threat is a real one, for women observe the penalties sOGiety places on lesbians when possible; loss of community, loss of job and economic security, loss of children, loss of family, loss ofchurch, and sometimes loss of life. Such is the cost of stepping out of line, out of role, and seeking one's own empowerment. Women fear these losses. To avoid them, many women not only refuse to recognize and support lesbians but they do self-negating things to maintain approval and protection. Lesbianbaiting is successful when women, in their fear, jump back in line, dance whatever dance is necessary for acceptability. T w E E N The dance women dance to keep the privilege offered conditionally by males is that of maintaining proper role, of behaving in a way that does not threaten the status of men; and the conditions for privilege can change at any time. They tone down, reduce their work or activities in order to be safe. Entire industries are built around women's needs to stay within approved, dictated roles. Observe the fashion industry and the cosmetic industry, for two examples. Consider whatever motivated women to put on a pair of pointed-toe shoes with three-inch spiked heels. Was it comfort? Freedom to be who we are (and all of who we are), to control our own lives, is the issue. At issue here is not whether women can wear makeup and high fashion and still be independent and free. At issue is whether women make choices against their best interests of independence and freedom in order to gain approval and protection at a high cost. At issue here is not that all women should be lesbians in order to be independent and free, but that, through the strategy of lesbian-baiting, qualities of independence, freedom, and self-empowerment are made threatening rather than strengthening. All of us as women need to look at what blocks our empowerment; in particular, we need to examine our response to lesbian-baiting. At issue is not our sexual identity but our freedom. We need to examine our failure to assert ourselves, to demand our equality. Women working in shelters sometimes agree out of fear to provide services only and not to talk about and work for lasting social change. Sometimes they agree to serve only acceptable women; lesbians, differently abled women, women of color, older women, prostitutes need not apply. These women would cause disturbances within the shelter and the community, and we would lose approval, funding, etc. Other women fear organizations that advocate change for women; they accept the male notion that to work for the empowerment ofwomen is to present oneself as a man-hater. From fear, women lose. And what do we lose? We lose the freedom to be who we are, and therefore we lose some of our essential humanness. Our concern with homophobia, then, is not just that it damages lesbians but that it damages all women. We recognize homophobia as one means of controlling women, and we recognize the connection between control and violence. Homophobia keeps us from stepping out of line and getting into the movement for freedom. If not a single lesbian worked in a shelter or came to a shelter for services, we still would have to eliminate homophobia because we know how it is used to disempower women and to keep us vulnerable to violence and abuse. To work against homophobia is to work against violence against all women . • Suzanne Pharr is the staffofthe Women sProject in Arkansas. Open Hands/13 Until a few years ago, public opinion polls indicated that Americans might slowly be dealing with their fears of homosexuality and seeing the falsehood of antigay/lesbian stereotypes. With AIDS, however, a new irrational fear has come forth to reinforce many persons' phobic attitudes toward gay men in particular. The signs are readily apparent. • The outcome ofvoting on Proposition 64 in California last November was uncertain until shortly before Election Day. This initiative would have allowed the quarantining of anyone who tested positive for the AIDS antibody. Opinion polls consistently showed a high number of undecided voters, despite the proposition's sponsorship by extremist Lyndon LaRouche and its denunciation by health-care professionals and Democratic and Republican politicians. • In response to a lawsuit filed by the parents of a 29-year-old man killed in a 1985 plane crash, Delta Air Lines argued that the damages it paid should be reduced because the man was gay. Delta claimed that the value of the victim's life was reduced since he might have contracted AIDS if he had lived.I • The U.S. Defense and State Departments, long known for their anti-gayllesbian prejudices, have begun requiring Military and Foreign Service personnel to take the AIDS antibody test. Potential recruits who test positive can be rejected by the military. Foreign Service officers can be denied assignment to diplomatic posts if they test positive. • News stories have abounded of people refusing to be served by waiters they think might be gay, of insurance companies attempting to deny new policies to anyone living in areas with large gay male populations, and of increased anti-gay violence accompanied by taunts about AIDS.2 AIDS is, of course, a terrifying disease, so these fears-though irrational-are in a limited sense understandable. Most Americans probably are mentally aware that AIDS is spread not through casual contact but only through sexual contact involving the exchange of body fluids or through blood contamination. But phobias, after all, are based on emotion, not thought. Nevertheless, it is one thing to be afraid of a fatal disease; it is a totally different matter for people to believe it is acceptable not to deal with their fears or for them to transfer those fears to an entire group of people. Such association is no more valid than the more historical falsehoods about gay men and lesbians. Fortunately, the news about AIDS and homophobia is not all bad. Proposition 64 lost overwhelmingly. A federal court jury rejected Delta's argument. Local and state governments have acted to protect the human rights of persons who test AIDS-antibody positive or who have AIDS. More and more churches are responding to the disease out of Christian love for those in need. One of the most promising signs that people can successfully deal with their fears both ofAIDS and of homosexuality may be Surgeon General C. Everett Koop's recent report on AIDS. Koop, who prior to AIDS had made negative statements concerning homosexuality, turned around and called for massive public education about AIDS and sexuality, free of anti-gayllesbian value judgments. Thus, AIDS is a bit like Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll in its relationship to homophobia. For some persons, the disease is reinforcement for irrational fears. For others, it is a stimulus to confront personal and societal homophobia and to view people with love, not fear. As we pray and work for an end to AIDS, let us also pray and work that this second persona of the disease continues to grow in church and all society .• 1. The Wall Street Journal, November 7, 1986. 2. Dennis Altman, AIDS in the Mind of America (Garden City, NY.: Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1986), pp. 58-81, provides a detailed description of AIDSrelated fears and violence. Bradley Rymph is an editor in Washington, D.C., and a member ofthe national coordinating committee ofAffirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. HOMOPHOBIA B y B R A D L E y R y M p H 14/0pen Hands [3UJlaining flje [3pirif Song of Solomon 2: 14'0 my dove, in the clefts ofthe rock, in the covert ofthe cliff, let me see yourface, let me hear your voice, for your voice is sweet, and yourface is comely. " (RSV) with joy. AMEN. Lamentation for Homophobia L: Dear God, we pray to you in sorrow for the pain and isolation of every gay man and lesbian woman who has been rejected from the church because of fear or false judgment. P: We mourn for the anguish ofthose who believed God was love and found the Christian community turned on them in hate. L: We grieve for all human beings who heard the message that they were an abomination to God and tried to destroy themselves. P: For everyone who, believing it was the way to God, denied their heartfelt desires, repressed feelings, hopes, love, and passion, we cry out in lamentation. SILENCE L: Heal, restore, renew each one who has been injured by the homophobia of the church. P: Judge the church for making grace into law, and love into violence. L: Transform the Christian community into a sanctuary for those who are denied fullness oflife, P: Those who are rejected by society, L: Those who are falsely judged, P: Those who have been disowned by their families. L: Bring us all together into the New Community for which we long, P: Whose law is love, and whose religion is justice. AMEN. Prayer presence? Your heart is hidden from us, your Being invisible, your purpose difficult to discern. We pray to you today for all those who live in hiding, unknown, not cared for, whose joys and sorrows are lived out in forced solitude, and who cannot be present in the world as themselves without harsh rejection. H oly One, when have we seen or felt your elusive o hidden, unknown, misunderstood God, whom the world denies and whose presence many seek to banish -comfort those who share your fate. Do not be hidden to those who must hide, but in the clefts of the rock and the covert of the cliff abide with them. You are their companion in unasked for isolation. Empower us, 0 God, to make the world a place where all people are welcomed, where silenced voices are heard, and the true beauty of hidden faces is seen y y B M A R J o o s T E R M A N CON FRONTING o P H o • A gay Christian man preparing to lead a workshop for a church group thinks: "This is my chance to tell them all about the gay life; and of course they need to have their myths debunked; and then there's the Bible controversy; and for sure I need to do a piece on AIDS; and ..." • A lesbian feminist Christian thinks: "What I'd really like to tell them is, 'Patriarchy is oppressive and the church is an oppressive patriarchal place that erroneously condemns gays and lesbians. The goddess religion has much to offer if only you would look at it!' ...But they wouldn't hear me." Both of these fledgling educators make mistakes common to untrained activists in the gay/lesbian movement in the church. The man assumes that, since he has one shot at his audience, he should hit them with everything he knows and believes. The woman mistakenly thinks her audience wouldn't hear her. In fact, both workshop audiences would "hear" their leaders loud and clear-and immediately brand them as non-Christian radicals, not worthy of being listened to seriously. Untrained workshop leaders, whether lesbian/gay or not, commonly make several errors. They try to change someone's position from anti-to pro-gay/lesbian in one workshop (failing to recognize the way change really occurs). They too quickly share too many personal details about the lesbian/gay life. They use games, role plays, questionnaires, or other educational methods without providing a focused debriefing process that calls forth such elements as dissonance and resistance, as well as sympathy and alliance-building, thereby allowing conscious learning to occur. Gay men and lesbians sometimes assume, incorrectly, that they are automatically experts who can lead a workshop on homophobia, while non-gay/lesbian leaders often assume that they cannot bring in gay men or lesbians until their people have more thoroughly studied the subject. It is possible to conduct a workshop that confronts homophobia successfully. However, it is not possible in two pages to teach one how to do such a workshop; that would take much more space and a training workshop. I only hope to share the bare bones of a model that I have developed and used at Kinheart, Inc., for its Program on Sexuality and Homophobia (see box). I share it as a vehicle to discuss two crucial decisions that must be made by anyone who seeks to confront homophobia in educational settings. These two decisions involve a) basic assumptions and b) goals and methods. Over the past four years, I have led variations of this workshop model approximately 120 times in universities, churches, seminaries, and social service agencies in Illinois and Michigan. In most cases, this workshop was a group's first formal educational experience with homophobia and homosexuality issues. In developing the model I have drawn on my Christian education theory and practice, my group process background, my study of homophobia, and my experience as an oppressed lesbian in the United Methodist Church. The Model The workshop model includes four essential components that are used in every workshop without fail: (a) examination of current assumptions about human sexuality; (b) exploration of myths and stereotypes about homosexuality and offering of factual information; (c) personal stories by gay men and/or lesbians and possibly by a parent; and (d) question and discussion time. These components occur in a two-hour period. If more time is available, one or more of three other components are added: (a) biblical study, including a overview of stances on the nature and authority of the Bible; (b) theological stances and issues related to homosexuality; and (c) systemic connections among forms of oppression, such as racism, sexism, homophobia, and ageism. For each of these components, we have developed a process and rationale relating to a particular part of our overall workshop goals. For example, personal stories are placed late in the workshop schedule, after the storytellers have established their leadership abilities and made some personal contact with the audience. The stories are prepared and told in a dramatic and educational way (based on individual and group work in a three-hour story-preparation training session). 16/0pen Hands Assumptions of the Model Numerous theoretical assumptions undergird this workshop model. One set of those assumptionsabout the functions of homophobia-is discussed elsewhere in this issue (see page 3). A second set of assumptions concerns the nature of education and change. Our assumptions about homophobia and about educational change provide the ingredients for the primary shape and content of a Kinheart workshop on confronting homophobia. Education is a process leading to change, a process of exploring something that is unknown and that for some reason intrigues or disturbs us. Education includes gaining new information and perhaps new skills. And it includes a very basic, almost indescribable, process that challenges our ideas, feelings, and attitudes. This process is not a straightforward movement from point A to point B. Rather, change occurs only when our current explanation for something no longer fits the reality we know. Before we make that change, we hang on rigidly to our old and familiar explanation. We try to make minor modifications. We ignore the most blatant of contradictions created by our minor changes. We make still more changes or perhaps revert to our original explanation. Finally-maybe-we have a major "a-ha" experience that somehow causes our whole existing explanation to crumble and shift into a new configuration. What causes the change? Who can tell which new bit of information, which minor change of attitude, which sudden new perception, goes into a change? My assumption is that it is a delightful mix of many ideas, experiences, interactions, contradictions-plus a strong sense of disease and a strong dose of the Spirit moving among us as it wills and in its own time. Goals and Methods of the Model Given the diversity of sources and functions of homophobia in persons who participate in workshops, it is necessary to develop a model and process that confronts homophobia in a variety of ways. The four essential components of our workshop model are designed to do just that. What challenges, intrigues, or disturbs one person may not touch another person's fear and need. However, the end result (from our workshop evaluation forms) is that most persons' homophobia gets addressed at one point or another in the workshop. The most consistent response we get to our workshop is that we have made homosexuality real, we have helped participants see that gays and lesbians are real people, we have "put a face on homosexuality." That is our number one objective. A variety of educational goals might be chosen for workshops focused on confronting homophobia. With the Kinheart model, we focus on three: 1) to "put" a face 0I'l homosexuality, causing persons to interact with and be led by "out" gay men, lesbians and What Is Kinheart? Kinheart, Inc., is a feminist, liberation-oriented agency committed to providing safe space for women and education for sexual justice. Kinheart operates three major programs: 1. A Women's Center, which offers educational programs and support groups on a variety of issues, as well as social activities and a telephone referral service. 2. A Counseling Program, which offers therapy and education/support services to individuals, couples, and families. Kinheart therapy blends aspects of feminist, pastoral, brief, and social change approaches. The education/support services focus on coming-out issues and relationship skill development for women. 3. The Program on Sexuality and Homophobia, which educates for social change around issues of homosexuality in society. The program designs workshops and consultation processes for academic, religious, and social services groups and trains volunteers in its model. It also publishes educational resources related to sexuality and homophobia issues. In 1987, Kinheart plans to expand this program from the Illinois area to a midwest regional audience and also to begin offering nationwide training workshops on the workshop model described here. Further information can be obtained by writing Kinheart, Inc., 2214 Ridge Avenue, Evanston, IL 60201,312/491-1103. family members; 2) to challenge myths and stereotypes about homosexuality and provide accurate information about gay men, lesbians, and family members; and 3) to stimulate dialogue and further searching and learning beyond the workshop itself. The model addresses the first two goals in a fairly direct way. Gay men and lesbians lead the workshops and share their stories, focusing especially on myths and stereotypes. The third goal is met more indirectly through a particular kind of leadership style rather than by anyone component of the workshop. Because I believe people change when their own explanation for something no longer makes sense, Kinheart workshop leaders offer several options to an issue, show people the range of thinking that is being done on homophobia, point out the various theological stances that religious denominations have taken, etc. Our leaders offer opinions and experience and questions, not absolute answers. Learning to use a personal style and educational process that is dialogical and open-ended, rather than didactic and closed, is probably the hardest part of a training program for potential workshop leaders. It involves understanding that what you sow, others may reap. We must trust the process in order to gather the harvest.. Open Hands/17 F I R S T S T E Ps A its fall 1985 annual meeting, the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women (GCSR W) ofthe United Methodist Church, acting in accord with the recommendation of its Issue Development, Education and Advocacy (IDEA) work unit, adopted as one of its quadrennial goals 'to understand the ways in which homophobia, through its linkages with sexism, hurts the whole church.'" The paper documenting our work began with these calm, factual words. The tone of the paper was in sharp contrast to the tone of the discussion which came before it! As chair of the IDEA work unit and the design team that put together GCSRWs study, I know that adoption of that goal was not an easy matter. In fact, working on homophobia issues within GCSRW has been one of the hardest things I have done. Facing personal prejudice and systemic discrimination is always difficult, but when I entered the struggle in the fall of 1984, I naively assumed that we were all feminists and that feminists would understand. Today, I am no longer so naive, but am still optimistic. We began with only an intuitive feeling by some commission members that homophobia and sexism were related. Our reading had not told us that. We had not even heard the term heterosexism. The first step was to study-to make that connection clearer to ourselves. Great as this seemed at first, it may have been one of our smaller hurdles. Paragraph 906.12 of the Book of Discipline (which prohibits use of general church funds "to promote the acceptance of homosexuality") was a barrier. Trying to be faithful to our mandate as a commission, also from the Discipline, was difficult under the limitations of Para. 906.12. Our mandate, in part, is to "function as an advocate with and on behalf of women," seeking "full and equal responsibility and participation of women in the total life and mission of the church." Our fierce debate over choosing the wording of our goal-"to understand how homophobia ... hurts the whole church"reflected that bind. We were in the awkward position of asking to study homophobia. only because it might place limitations on "straight" women. The parallel example ofworking against racism only because it hurts white people made many ofus question the ethics of this, but it seemed the most the Discipline would allow. (Even so, a chorus of letters objected to our work by quoting Para. 906.12.) The major barrier was trying to persuade 48 united Methodists with no common background in the dynamics of sexism, homophobia, or even the nature ofhomosexuality to agree, before doing any study, that there was sufficient evidence of linkages between sexism and homophobia to warrant studying such a controversial issue. Despite extensive use of conditional phrases (if consensus is reached, then ...), only the first step, an "inhouse" study, was approved. All subsequent plans were tabled. Even this first step brought forth strong and emotional discussion. [See article by Patricia Broughton, page 10.] In the end, two members felt obliged to stand "outside the consensus," firm in the conviction that homophobia was not an issue affecting women in the United Methodist Church and that the matter should not be pursued further. As the study began, the commission gave no clues as to what the outcome might be, since members held widely divergent views. This was not a political strategy to defend against charges that our conclusions were made before we began. My background and study gave me a strong feeling that the links between sexism and homophobia were present and important to women. I am grateful to those who joined in on faith alone. We received mail regarding our study and these letters, too, were a resource. Some confirmed for me that homophobia and sexism are indeed linked. One commented that our study would confirm the idea that single feminists are lesbian; another stated that there must be many gay people in the United Methodist Church's national offices for this issue to be surfacing again. Some protested our hiring ofa "selfavowed" lesbian by calling this an unbiblical double standard. Some people said the issue was controversial in their region and spoke of their concern that opponents of women's issues would capitalize on any negative response. Not all ofthe letters opposed the study idea; several commended the commission's decision and expressed their appreciation for our concern. ~ t the spring 1986 meeting, one ~day was devoted to the study of homophobia and its linkages with sexism. Little of the prior controversy was evident. I felt a spirit of openness among the commission members. The study included a variety of experiences: advance reading, lectures, group discussion, mime, worship, keeping a journal, and meeting a panel including lesbians, parents of gay children, and a gay man. The presence of gay and lesbian guests and the stories they shared were rated as the most helpful parts of the study. Phyllis Athey and Mary Jo Osterman, directors of the Kinheart Program on Sexuality and Homophobia, were present and members of the panel. They led the commisy B K R I s T A N B u R K E R T 18/0pen Hands sion in examining commonly held stereotypes and feeling about gay men and lesbians, using an attitude survey they had designed. [See article by Mary Jo Osterman, page 16.] Stephen Reid, associate professor of Old Testament at Pacific School of Religion, addressed the commission on "Reinterpreting the Creation Tradition." He focused on Old Testament passages dealing with homosexuality and the abuse of women, calling us to remember the social system out of which an ethic grows. For a man to be a homosexual in ancient Israel was to be "like a woman." Homophobia and heterosexism were tools to keep men (people with power and status) from identifying with women (people without power and status). Further, Reid said that "homophobia and heterosexism were vehicles to coerce a particular type of sexual behavior that was deemed the way to build a sufficient economic base for social justice." In an agrarian society where children were economic capital, compulsory heterosexuality was a central key to achieving prosperity. He concluded that this sexual ethic is unnecessary and outdated in a modern post-industrial society. Mary Gaddis, a spokesperson for Mfirmation and a consultant on the design team, gave a powerful portrayal through mime of being "in the closet." One person responded, "The pain became real for me for the first time." After this presentation (and after Stephen Reid's address), we gathered to share responses in small groups designed to be safe and press-free. One evening we listened to our guests tell their stories. Howard and Mildred Eychaner, parents of two gay men (and two non -gay children) gave witness to the importance of parental acceptance. Mr. Eychaner urged other parents to "come out" and to be links between non-gay persons and lesbians and gay men. "I can't understand the rejection and hate of some parents," he said. Mrs. Eychaner spoke of her hope "for the church to get to the place when a person's genital activity does not determine his (or her) worth." She added, "Love is love no matter where you find it. We support civil rights and we say to the United Methodist Church: this minority includes our brothers, sisters, and children, and as such we want them in the church for worship and fellowship." Mary Gaddis told of"overwhelming" sexism and heterosexism she experiences in her predominately male profession and of having to come to terms with her androgynous appearance. Some people, calling her "sir" by mistake, tell her that they thought it would be less insulting to make that mistake than to address a man with a female term. Warren Spare, a relatively new member of the United Methodist Church, remembered being told that "all the feminine parts of me were wrong" and learning to hide those parts. Now he says, "These roles are so superficial. We need to get around that and just be simply human." Mary Jo Osterman and Phyllis Athey each spoke of conflict in trying to answer a call to Christian service and to be who they are-lesbians. Osterman lost her job as a Christian educator at Garrett-Evangelical Seminary when she came out. Athey was denied deacon's orders in the United Methodist Church by a 4-3 vote of her District Committee on Ordained Ministry. They asked her why she couldn't have stayed "in the closet" for a while longer, when the church might be more open. She explained to us, "I knew ifI went into the closet for 10 years I wouldn't be any good. I'd spend more energy hiding than preaching or pastoring." She stressed that "the church is being drained of gifts and graces because of homophobia." The next morning, after reflecting on the power of naming, the commission listened to a taped lecture by Virginia Mollenkott. [See article by Mollenkott, page 4.] This was followed by "fishbowls," groups sharing their reflections on the study. Some spoke of how their thoughts and feelings had changed. Others voiced concerns about ordaining lesbians/gay men. Some felt that heterosexism is a social justice issue. Some spoke of the political dangers to GCSRW if we were to advocate change in the policies of the United Methodist Church. And some shared their desire for action. The study closed with a time of worship. No decisions were expected at this meeting, giving participants opportunity to reflect on their experience. When the commission gathered again in late September 1986, we continued to articulate these linkages, as well as to decide our next steps. Work on both continues. GCSRW will share its study model with other general boards of the United Methodist Church. The IDEA work unit will write a paper drawing together the learnings from the study. We will work from that paper in the spring. For some, these steps are not so very big; for others they were new and brave steps. Some spoke offears that work on this issue would undermine other concerns ofGCSRW, fear that we would be identified by this one issue. In that fear, I saw a dynamic of sexism and heterosexism-defining a person or group by only one attribute (a sexual one)operating to marginalize and trivialize not only women and gay and lesbian persons, but, potentially, the commission itself. I had hopes for great activism to come out of our work, but it will not happen in this quadrennium. I have seen people change, and I respect the size of the task before us. GCSRW has been the only general agency of the United Methodist Church to address heterosexism since the 1984 General Conference. That, in itself, is an accomplishment. The General Commission on the Status and Role of Women has made a beginning: looking for linkages between sexism and heterosexism. I invite you all to join in wherever you can.• Kristan Burkert serves on the General Commission on the Status and Role of Women of the United Methodist Church as the clergywoman from the W~tem Jurisdiction. Open Handsl 19 The discussion in legislative secmen, lesbians, parents of gay/ CALIFORNIAtions and on the floor of the conlesbian persons, and pastors involved ference has been as important as in ministry with lesbians and gay PACIFIC men. Copies of all the workshop mation and allowing persons to exthe resolutions in providing informaterials, including opening and CONFERENCE closing worship services, were made available to the district teams press concerns. BY LOIS SIEFERT as resources for their own events. The conference committee kept in Conference Committee touch with these trained leaders as they made plans for district events Formed The California-Pacific Anon homosexuality and homophobia. nualConference of the In response to the 1982 resoluAs a team, they were to develop a United Methodist Church tion, the Conference Council on plan for involving pastors and key first began considering Ministries (CCOM) named a study/ laypersons in the study. By conissues relating to homosexuality design committee of 10 persons, ference time two years later, over and homophobia five years ago. both lay and clergy, from differing 400 persons from over 100 churchesSince 1982 the following resolutheological perspectives and expehad participated in these events. tions have passed at Annual Conrience. One member was gay. ferences sessions primarily through The committee listened to widethe efforts of the Conference Board ly divergent viewpoints during an of Church and Society and other open hearing and read widely, using individuals, including members of 'The Process Continued such basic resources as Is the Affirmation: Homosexual My Neighbor? by In the meantime, a design for a Letha Scanzoni and Virginia four-session study for use by local • 1982-To set up a task force to Ramey Mollencott, Homosexuality: churches was being developed and "design and implement a study In Search ofa Christian Understandtested. Several churches held semiof Homophobia and Homosexing by Leon Smith, and the United nars on homosexuality and homouality." Methodist Guide to the Study phobia with speakers, panels, op• 1983-To petition the 1984 GenDocument on Human Sexuality. portunities for questions, and diseral Conference to develop such cussion. Progress reports were a study. made at each CCOM meeting, in • 1984-To urge the church to the conference newspaper, and to work for laws that prohibit disthe Annual Conference in 1983 Training Event Is crimination in employment, housand 1984. The committee felt it was Developed ing, and public accommodations important to educate about the based on sexual orientation. As the group progressed, a subconcerns of the church, provide committee was named to design an • 1985-To affirm the personal opportunities for conversation, and worth and dignity of gay men event for use at district or cluster promote the local church studyand lesbians and to call on local levels. This event was first held at that would soon be available. churches to affirm their parthe conference level as training for ticipation in local churches. those present to lead similar events in their own districts. The district ministry to persons with AIDS • 1986-To affirm and implement superintendents, in addition to Other Opportunities or ARC, their families, friends, being invited to attend this event, for Dialogue and those who care for them; were involved in the selection of and to call for participation in Other opportunities were prothe network of religious and those to participate. The seven-hour event included vided throughout the conference community organizations propresentations on "Facts, Untruths, for study and dialogue on the viding an effective response to and Stereotypes," "Scriptural and issues of homosexuality and homothe AIDS crisis, including deTheological Perspectives," "The phobia during these years. These velopment and funding of eduNature and Causes of Homosexincluded: cational programs that overcome uality," and "Homophobia." "Per• workshops at the conference misinformation, fear, and bigotry. sonal Glimpses" were given by gay School of Christian Mission; 20/0pen Hands • Forums are beginning points for exploration, not events of exhaustive examination. • Forums are occasions for dialogue, not debate. • Forums are openings for transformation, not simply opportunities for exchange of information. Transformation implies the possibility that deeper understanding • workshops at conference youth can lead to changed lives. InforROCKY events; mation, while critical, may dead• a workshop at Claremont School end with an accumulation of MOUNTAIN of Theology's Laity Day; facts that fall short of remolding • a one-day convocation held by faith. CONFERENCE the Conf~rence Commission on Forums included speakers who the Status and Role of Women; presented different understandings BY PAULA E. MURPHY and of biblical teachings on homosex• various study programs and semuality and the psychosocial theories inars in local churches. The exorcism of homoof sexual orientation. By far of phobia in the church greatest impact were gay/lesbian is one of the calls and Christians witnessing to their life challenges ofgay/lesbian and faith journeys. Parents of lesChristians, their families and friends. What Has Been bians and gay men spoke poiThe task is formidable. Undoubtgnantly of their struggle toward Learned edly the ingredient most helpful in understanding a daughter's or son'sThrough their participation in rooting out homophobia is the orientation. Most parents also share these various activities, committee willing personal confrontation of the anguish they experienced whenmembers have learned several lessister and fellow church members, clergy and laity in their local consons about homophobia and how by lesbian/gay Christians, who gregations so frequently respondedto study it: themselves are victims of homowith judgments rather than underphobia. Real renewal of the church standing or acceptance. is not likely to occur without the tive on all issues. • Present more than one perspecpersistent exercise of responsible ministry within the church. In the all meetings. • Allow full and free discussion in Rocky Mountain Conference of the Special Ministries of • Make available a great diversity United Methodist Church, we have Presence of literature and resources. begun a special ministry of the As "special ministries of the • Provide opportunities for pargay/ lesbian presence to help the gay/lesbian presence," these forums ticipants to listen carefully to the United Methodist Church authenenabled breakthroughs where prealienation and separation felt by tically become the church. viously there had been blindspots. gay/lesbian persons and to the Heterosexual church members, once pain and grief that parents excomfortable with their dismissal ofperience. Forums Initiated gay menlIesbians as impersonal • Make attempts to help persons Following a 1982 Annual Concategories for disdain, had to enget in touch with their own ference resolution urging the study counter, in face-to-face conversaalienation and separation. of homosexuality, the Adult Sextion, self-assured lesbian/gay per• Make study goals oflearning uality Committee of the Rocky sons who were unavoidably presentrather than reaching agreement. Mountain Conference Council on and undeniably Christian. This The packet for the four-session Ministries initiated and coordinated courageous and graceful presence local church study, "Other Persome 62 different forums in which of gay and lesbian Christians may spectives: Christian Views of 2,500 persons participated. The indeed be making headway inHomosexuality," may be ordered forums, "In Search of Christian exorcising the pernicious plague offor $5 plus postage from: Understanding of Homosexuality," homophobia from within the Adult and Family Ministries Office, varied in approach from evening church.• 472 E. Colorado Blvd., Box 6066 sessions held in local churches to Pasadena, CA 91102. day-long events hosted by District Councils on Ministries. Integral to each forum were cerPaula E. Murphy, Ed.D. is a psychotherapist in Lois Siefert is a diaconal minister, now a private practice who is family life coordinator of tain basic understandings: the Denver North District and cochairperson offreelance consultant in Christian education • The church must celebrate its and church program ministries. She chaired the Rocky Mountain Conference Committee on the task force that designed the four-session extraordinary diversity in order Sexuality Ministries of the United Methodist studyfor local church use. to claim its intended inclusiveness. Church. Open Hands/2} Homophobia Education Sexism and Homophobia Osterman, Mary Jo. Homophobia Is a (These are excerptsfrom the reading list used 1985. Social Disease. Kinheart, Inc. 1987. by the UM General Commission on the Quintales, Mirtha. "I Paid Very Hard for A monograph that can be ordered My Immigrant Ignorance." In This for $6.95 from Kinheart, 2214 Ridge Status and Role ofWomen in its 1986 study on the linkage between sexism and homoBridge Called My Back. Avenue, Evanston, IL 60201, 312/ phobia.) Segrest, Mab. "I Lead Two Lives: Con491-1103. Clarke, Cheryl. "Lesbianism: An Act of fessions of a Closet Baptist." In LesPresbyterian Church (U.S.A). Breaking Resistance." In This Bridge Called bian Studies. the Silence, Overcoming the Fear: My Back: Writings by Radical WomSiegel, Paul. "Homophobia: Types, OriHomophobia Education. Backen of Color. Edited by Cherrie gins, Remedies." Christianity and ground articles on homophobia and Moraga and Gloria Anzaldua. WaterCrisis (November 12, 1978). theological/biblical perspectives with town, Mass.: Persephone Press, 1981. Steinem, Gloria. "The Politics of Supseveral models for homophobia Doughty, Frances. "Lesbian Biography, porting Lesbianism." In Our Right to education; includes a bibliography. Biography of Lesbians." In Lesbian Love. Edited by Ginny Vida. New Order for $3.50 from Church EducaYork: Prentice-Hall, 1978. tion Services, Presbyterian Church Studies. Edited by Margaret CruikDialogue. 5 (December 1982):3 Newslet(U.S.A), 475 Riverside Drive, Room shank. Old Westbury, NY: The ter of Brethren/Mennonite Council 1101, New York, NY 10115. Feminist Press, 1982. for Gay Concerns, Box 24060, WashScanzoni, Letha, and Virginia Ramey Harrison, Beverly. "Misogyny and Homoington, DC 20024. Mollenkott. Is the Homosexual My phobia." In Making the Connections. The Flyer. 8 (March-ApriI1986):1. NewsNeighbor? San Francisco: Harper Boston: Beacon Press, 1985. Manahan, Nancy. "Homophobia in the letter of General Commission on and Row, 1978. One of the best the Status and Role ofWomen, 1200 books on homophobia and homoClassroom." In Lesbian Studies. Davis Street, Evanston, IL 60201. sexuality for the religious comMoraga, Cherrie. "La Guera." In This Reports on their homophobia study. munity to read. Illustrates the need Bridge Called My Back. The Journal of Homosexuality. 10 (Fall to be more accepting and less fearful Mudflower Collective. "Our Use of the 1984):1/2. Haworth Press, 28 E. 22nd of gay men and lesbians. Term Feminist." In God's Fierce Street, New York, NY 10010. Whimsy. New York: Pilgrim Press, Other Homophobia Reconciling CongregationsJournal Issues on Washington Square UMC Wheadon UMC Resources Homophobia c/o Don Himpel c/o Carol Larson 135 W. 4th Street 2212 Ridge Avenue Bulletin: Interracial Books for Children. Babuscio, John. We Speak for Ourselves: New York, NY 10012 Evanston, IL 60201 14 (1983):3/4. A special double issue Experiences in Homosexual CounselPark Slope UMC Albany Park UMC on "Homophobia and Education," ing. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, c/o A. Finley Schaef c/o Ted Luis, Sr. includes excellent articles on recom1977. Case histories written specif6th Avenue & 8th Street 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Brooklyn, NY 11215 Chicago, IL 60625 mended books on gay/lesbian themes, ically for counselors by lesbian and a critical look at lesbian and gay gay counselors. Includes homophoCaivaryUMC Irving Park UMC c/o Chip Coffman c/o Phil Sheets 815 S. 48th Street 3801 N. Keeler Avenue characters in children's literature, bia issues, internalized oppression, and homophobia in sex education family relationships. Philadelphia, PA 19143 Chicago, IL 60641 materials. Order for $3.50 each from Boswell, John. Christianity, Social TolerChristUMC Sl Paur. UMC Interracial Books for Children, 1841 ance, and Homosexuality. Chicago: c/o John Hannay c/o George Christie Broadway, New York, NY 10023. University of Chicago Press, 1980. A 4th & Eye Streets, SW 1615 Ogden Street Washington, D.C. 20024 Denver, CO 80218 Church and Society. 73 (Novemberchallenging study of the history of December 1982):2. Presbyterian attitudes towards homosexuality in Sl John'. UMC Wesley UMC c/o Howard Nash c/o Patty Orlando 2705 St. Paul Street 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Church (U.S.A). Title: "Homophothe Christian West, from the beginbia: The Overlooked Sin." ning of the Christian era to the Baltimore, MD 21218 Fresno, CA 93710 Kalven, Janet, and Mary Buckley, eds. 14th century. Edgehill UMC Bethany UMC Gould, Meredith. "Statutory Oppression: Women's Spirit Bonding. New York: c/o Hoyt Hickman c/o Kim Smith An Overview of Legalized HomoPilgrim Press, 1984. Contains a sec1502 Edgehill Avenue 1268 Sanchez Street Nashville, TN 37212 San FranCisco, CA 94114 tion on "Lesbianism and Homophobia." In Gay Men: The Sociology phobia" which argues that homoof Male Homosexuality. Edited by Central UMC Sunnyhills UMC c/o Howard Abts c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 701 West Central at 335 Dixon Road phobia and heterosexism are barMartin P. Levine. NewYork: Harper riers to women's bonding. and Row, 1979. Scottwood Milpitas, CA 95035 Malyon, Alan K "Psychotherapeutic Heyward, Carter. Our Passion for Justice. Toledo, OH 43610 Wallingford UMC Implications of Internalized HomoNew York: Pilgrim Press, 1984. A University UMC c/o Chuck Richards phobia in Gay Men." In Homosexcollection ofessays and lectures that c/o Steven Webster 2115 N. 42nd Street 1127 University Avenue Seattle, WA 98103 Madison, WI 53715 uality and Psychotherapy: A Practishows the critical links between white supremacy, male gender superitioner's Handbook of Affirmative Capitol Hill UMC Wesley UMC c/o Pat Dougherty c/o Dennis Alexander 128 16th Street East ority, capitalist exploitation, homoModels. Edited by John C. Gonsioerk. New York: Haworth Press, phobia, anti-Semitism, and cultural Marquette at Grant Streets Seattle, WA 98112 1982. im perialism. Minneapolis, MN 55403 22/0pen Hands Three New Reconciling Congregatlons TheF~t Natlonal RCPCon~tlon ~efirst convocation of all Rectries and its connection with the • onciling Congregations will be Reconciling Congregation Program ~ree local UM churches have held March 27-29, 1987, in Chicago. and the institutional church. Work• recently joined the Reconciling Attending the event, entitled "Emshops will include: "Human SexCongregation Program (RCP). We powering Reconciling Ministries: A uality / Homophobia Education," welcome them to the fellowship and National Convocation of Recon"Ministries to Family and Friends of ministry of the RCP. Following are ciling Congregations," will be repreLesbians/Gay Men, "AIDS and the brief descriptions of each of these sentatives of all 18 Reconciling Ministry ofthe Church," "Promoting congrega tions. the Reconciling Congregation Proseveral United Methodist boards Congregations, representatives from gram," "Developing Reconciling The Wesley Church (Minneapolis) and agencies, members of congreMinistries," and "Impacting the GenWesley UMC is one of the oldest gations interested in becoming eral Church." congregations in Minneapolis. It was Reconciling Congregations, and other The convocation will close Sunfounded in 1852 and moved to its interested persons. day morning with a special worship current location in 1891. Leaders for the event will include celebration that symbolically joins The history of Wesley includes Morris Floyd, Mary Gaddis, Melvin all the Reconciling Congregations as such facts as: Wesley was among the Wheatley, and Beverly Jackson in a they worship in their own churches first local churches to pioneer radio panel discussion on "Lesbian/Gay broadcasting (1944); J. Paul Getty Issues in the UMC: Past and Future." on that Sunday morning. Registration for persons not reprewent to Sunday School there; another Tex Sample, from St. Paul's School senting Reconciling Congregations famous former member was raceof Theology, will address "Images of will be limited. Registration cost is horse Dan Patch. a Reconciling People." $100. For more information, contact Wesley has a membership of Workshops for the three-day the Reconciling Congregation Proabout 250. The neighborhood surevent have been designed to focus on gram, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, rounding the church has a large gay both a congregation's local minis- TN 37202. and lesbian population. Wesley began the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation in 1981, when the congregation was approached with a request Upcoming Workshops/Gatherings to host the local Mfirmation group. A unanimous vote opened the February 7 -Chicago, Illinois church's doors to M firmation. Training workshop on involving a Wesley is involved in AIDS local church in the Reconciling G'. education at the local church level. It Congregation Program. CONTACT: Affirmation Chicago ~ has hosted AIDS memorial services P.O. Box 705 March 14 -Kansas City, Missouri and public forums on a rash of gay Chicago, IL 60204 Lh ~Workshop on ministry with lesmurders. Wesley is seeking to raise or call: Annette Oliver pW ~ bians and gay men. Sponsored by the consciousness of the spirituality 312-539-3626 ~ Affirmation and the Methodist 1\ W(\. Federation for Social Action. ofthe gay/lesbian community and is March 5-7 -Seattle, Washington " ~ CONTACT: Susan Vogel working on integrating its memberNine-hour workshop on lesbian/ tf) Q P.O. Box 10116 ship to be one people who work gay concerns and the Reconciling Kansas City, MO together as the Body of Christ. Congregation Program at the 64118 Pacific Northwest Conference School of Discipleship. March 27-29 -Chicago, Illinois Albany Park UM C (Chicago) CONTACT: Chuck Richards "Empowering Reconciling MinisThe United Methodist Church of P.O. Box 31602 tries: A National Convocation of Albany Park, a small congregation Wallingford Station Reconciling Congregations." (See of approximately 150 members, is Seattle, WA 98103 article above.) located in a racially and economMarch 14 -Portland, Oregon April 24-26 -Nashville, Tennessee ically diverse area on the northwest Training workshop on a local Semiannual national meeting of side of Chicago. The congregation church becoming a Reconciling Affirmation: United Methodists for has an active Sunday School proCongregation. Lesbian/Gay Concerns. gram, sponsors a weekly Just-forCONTACT: Terry Voss CONTACT: Affirmation 3786 N. Melrose P.O. Box 1021 Kids program for neighborhood Portland, OR 97227 Evanston, IL 60204 children, and participates in the (continued) Open Hands/23 Albany Park Food Pantry and the Rainbow Convenant. Albany Park tries to reach out to its community in a variety of ways. During the week, the building is open and used for General Equivalency Diploma classes, Alcohol Anonymous meetings, Boy Scouts, and neighborhood organizations. The congregation shares a bilingual pastor, Rev. Finees Flores, and its facilities with a Hispanic congregation. A Korean congregation also meets weekly in the building. The process to become a Reconciling Congregation began in October 1985 with a two-week adult Sunday School class. Though the congregation just recently became a Reconciling Congregation, several of its members have already shown their support by writing letters to their aldermen supporting the Chicago "'Gay/Lesbian Rights Ordinance." The pastor of the church participated in a press conference of religious leaders who supported the ordinance. Members of the congregation are actively praying for persons with AIDS and their families and friends. Irving Park UMC (Chicago) Irving Park UMC is a congregation that will be 100 years old in 1988. The membership ofthe church is approximately 145. The congregation, though primarily Caucasian, has a few Filipino members. The church describes itself as "'A Servant Community of God's People." In other words, Irving Park is in ministry to the community outside, as well as inside the church. The congregation's mInIstries include a food pantry that is based in the building and feeds 800 people a month. The church is involved in distributing cancer pads. Among the community organizations which use the church facilities are Divorced Anonymous and a day~are program. Irving Park has had gay and lesbian members for several years. This summer the congregation was involved in working for the Chicago "Gay/Lesbian Rights Ordinance." 24/ 0pen Hands UM Newspaper Ignores Lesbian/GayMinistries ~e United Methodist Reporter, the ..I. unofficial United Methodist newspaper, has continued its practice of disregarding UM ministries with lesbians and gay men in its coverage. Two Reconciling Congregations, Wesley UMC (Minneapolis) and Calvary UMC (Philadelphia), received extensive coverage last fall in The Reporter. The stories ofthese two congregations, which appeared sep-· arately in national editions of the newspaper, related the extensive ministries each congregation is undertaking in its community. The stories, while presenting each congregation as a model of Christian ministry, did not mention either that Calvary was a Reconciling Congregation or that Wesley was in the process of becoming one. There was only minimal mention of Wesley's ministry to the lesbian/gay community. Last November The United Methodist Reporter refused to carry a paid advertisement for Open Hands. Citing the "UM Social Principles" as grounds for refusal, Spurgeon Dunham, the newspaper's editor wrote: . . . the views expressed in this publication have the effect, without exception, of "promoting the acceptance of homosexuality," the practice of which our General Conference has declared "incompatible with Christian teaching" ... We do not like feeling alienated from, or being cast in the role of inflicting alienation upon, any group in the church. But we see no responsible alternative in this decision. The Reporter is an independennt newspaper whose editorial policy is determined by its Board of Governors. Protests Against Vatican Statement R oman Catholic individuals and organizations in the U.S. have made strong statements in opposition to the Vatican Letter on Pastoral Care of Homosexual Persons released last fall. This letter reaffirms the official Catholic teaching that denies gay men and lesbians acceptance within the church, and it calls homosexual orientation "disordered". The intent of the letter is perceived to be to terminate ministries with lesbians and gay men, which have developed in several U.S. dioceses. One protest against the letter was a press conference called by Dignity, Inc. (national organization of lesbian/gay Catholics), at the Vatican embassy in Washington, D.C., on November 1, 1986. One statement read at the press conference was from the New Ways Ministry in Mt. Ranier, Maryland. This statement cites the theological and pastoral developments of the past ten years with regard to lesbians and gay men. The statement lifts up ministries in the archdioceses of San Francisco, Milwaukee, and Baltimore as examples ofpositive models. The statement closes with: Any attempt to undo or halt the developments in the U.S. Catholic community ... will cause serious pastoral harm and only serve to further alienate homosexual people. It is not sufficient to decry physical violence when the Vatican itself is responsible for causing psychological violence by derogating the human sexual identity of millions of people by describing their orientation as "disordered." The harshness of the statement is powerful testimony of how much out of touch the Vatican is with Catholic thought in the U.S. and elsewhere. The letter is evidence that the efforts of such groups as Dignity and New Ways Ministry is being taken seriously in Vatican circles. The Vatican's response will only serve to increase support for such ministries in the same way that the 1976 statement on women's ordination increased support for ordination ofwomen. This might be its most important contribution.• Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 2 No 3 - Standing Up to Fear: Homophobia and the Church https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/d8bf61805499290c5fd0e4b9123de6e2.pdf 2c26bc105ce6d4be0b90105a3676e648 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 2 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1987 Publication Date The date the issue was published Spring Text Any textual data included in the document FORMERLY "Manna for the Journey" !PJ!I ~our"earl true -to m~"eart al --t I m Ine II 0 ~oun____ _ ';JI it il, give 1 me ~our"and:2 ';K,ingJ 10:15 0/ t"e~conciling~ongregation~ogram Minorities within a Minority T An Interview with Bayard Rustin PAGE 3 ......... .............••••••.......•.•..••.........~ Who Will Be There For Us? BY RENEE McCOY PAGE 14 Reflections on Being Latina and Lesbian BY MARGARITA SUAREZ PAGE 8 The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. These congrega tions strive to offer the hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Enablers are available locally to assist a congregation which is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Open Hands (formerly Manna for the Journey) is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Inc .. as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It seeks to address concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. Contributing to this issue: Paula Gunn Allen Bayard Rustin Mark Bowman Bradley Rymph Vee Lin Margarita Suarez Renee McCoy Randy Miller Graphic artist: Beth Richardson Brenda Roth Open Hands (formerly Manna tor the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription is $10 for four issues. Single copies are available for $3 each. Permission to reprint IS granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as Indicated in the Issue. Subscflpllons and correspond ence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washmgton, D.C. 20026 Copyright 1987 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 Ii'JIJ your /jean true -to m~"eart aJ mine iJ '0 ~ou(J/___ _ ';JI it ii, give me ~our" and:' 2 ';](ingJ 1C:J; ....~fArnafQI 01 t"e~concilingCongregation","ogram Contents American society tends to view people in categories-affectionallsexual orientation, gender, race/ethnicity, age, etc. This tendency can help us appreciate the varied cultural and spiritual experiences that make us a wonderfully diverse people. But, as we all know, excessive categorization of people can cripple us-not just when we promote differences that exist only in our imaginations but also when we use differences to deny our common personal and spiritual needs or to block us from relating to each other. As reconcilers within church and society, we strive to more completely celebrate our valuable differences, as well as similarities, as part of God's creation and as essential to the creativity and vitality of human society. In this issue of Open Hands, we examine what it can mean to simultaneously be an ethnic minority within a predominantly white lesbian/gay culture and a lesbian/gay minority within a predominantly heterosexual racial minority. In (~n Interview with Bayard Rustin" (p. 3), a close aide to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., shares the joys and tensions that surrounded his being a gay Black man in the public eye during King's campaigns. Finding one's way amid double prejudice can be difficult and painful, as Margarita Suarez and Renee McCoy relate in HReflections on Being Latina and Lesbian" (p. 8) and "Who Will Be Therefor Us'!" (p. 14). A racial group's unique cultural history can be an important element in reconciling one's sexual identity with one's ethnic identity. Sometimes, this history can be essentially supportive, as Paula Gunn Allen tells us it is in many Native American traditions (HDisCo~ering Tribal Memories, " p. 11). At other times, cultural histories can make "coming out" particularly difficult, as Yee Lin explains in (~gainst the Cu"ent" (p. 18). Poetry can powerfully relate the struggles and joys that are experienced in daily life. In this issue, we present the offerings of various lesbian and gay poets of color (pp. 10,13,16). In SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT (p. 17), Randy Miller shares with us (~Litany for Freedom, " drawing on the great Black anthem "Lift Every Voice and Sing." Miller is a graduate of Candler School of Theology who works in youth ministries. RESOURCES (p. 20) notes books, journals, and organizations with special focuses on the experiences of lesbians and gay men of color. The RCP REPORT (p. 21) shares the celebrations and deliberations that comprised the first national convocation of Reconciling Congregations, "Empowering Reconciling Ministries," held March 27-29, 1987, in Chicago. We wish to acknowledge a grant from the Gay and Lesbian Activists Alliance Education Fund of Washington, D.C., to assist in the printing and mailing ofthis issue. NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Celebrating Lesbian/Gay Culture 2 Open Hands An Interview with Bayard 'T PHOTOGRAPHS BY MARK BOWMAN 'T Bayard Rustin is one of the outstanding human rights proponents and strategists of our day. Usually working out of the public spotlight, Rustin s socioeconomic analysis, commitment to nonviolent social change, and tactical organizing have been integral to the civil rights, pacifist, and trade union movements ofthe mid-20th century. Born March 17, 1912, in Wew Chewer, Pennsylvania, Rustin searly life was influenced by the Quaker pacifism of his grandmother and his personal experiences of a segregated society. After studies at Wilberforce College, Cheyney State College, and the City College of New York, Rustin became race relations director for the Fellowship of Reconciliation. At this time Rustin also began his long-time association with A. Philip Randolph, president of the Brotherhood of Sleeping Car Porters, serving asyouth organizer for Randolph's march on Washington. Standing firm to his convictions on justice, nonviolence, and human equality, Rustin served more than two years in Lewisburg Penitentiary as a conscientious objector during World War II and, thereafter, served 30 days on a North Carolina chain gang for his participation in the first Freedom Ride in the South. In 1955 Rustin became a special assistant to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He helped organize the Montgomery bus boycott and drew up the plans for the Southern Christian Leadership Conference. At the behest of King and Randolph, Rustin was the chief organizer of the 1963 March on Washington. Rustin s influence expanded the agenda for this gathering of250, ()()() people beyond demands for integration to include fundamental economic and social reforms. Rustin founded the A. Philip Randolph Institute in 1964 to build coalitionsfor social change between the labor movement, the black community, and other groups. While serving as executive director there, he has become increasingly well-known as a commentator on human rights and social change. As a gay man, Bayard Rustin has been subjected to private and public castigation throughout his career. While, in his own words, he "never came out ofthe closet with flags flying," Rustin has not compromised his position as a social pioneer who happens to be gay. In this interview with Open Hands, Rustin addresses this part of his life most often ignored in other public forums. Starting back at the beginning, in West Chester, Pennsylvania, what did you absorb, spoken or unspoken, about homosexuality in your upbringing? My early life was that ofbeing a member ofa very, very close-knit family. I was born illegitimate. My mother was about 17 when I was born, and, consequently, my grandparents reared me. The family members were largely Democrats, long before most other Black families. My grandmother was one of the leaders of the NAACP; she had helped found the Black Nurses' Society and the Black community center. There were two homosexual boys in high school that were rather flamboyant, and the community, I think, looked down on their flamboyance much more than on their homosexuality. But, in general, the question of homosexuality never emerged as a social problem until I got to college. What I heard in high school was: Why don't those guys behave themselves? Why are they always doing something outlandish? As far as my early life is concerned, there was one other incident. There was one young man who was very highly respected in the community that I can remember as a child hearing Whispering about. But I never could put my finger on what it was that made him, in the eyes ofpeople, different. One ofthe reasons that this was confusing to me was that he was highly respected-he was a member ofthe church, sang in the choir, played the organ, and seemed to be such a responsible, talented, and charming person that I could never get quite what it was that was being whispered about him. I asked my grandmother once, and she said "Oh, well, he's just a little different from other people and I wouldn't pay any attention to it." On one occasion this fellow was visiting our home, and when he was leaving he put his arms around me and kissed me (which had never happened to me with a man before). Later when I was discussing him with my grandmother, I said "You know it's very interesting, but this is the second time that he has hugged me and tried to kiss me." My grandmother simply said, "Well, did you enjoy it?" And I ~""'1"1111 Open Hands 3 An Interview with Bayard Rustin said "No, I felt it very peculiar." And she said, "Well, ifyou don't enjoy it, don't let him do it." That's all she said. And that was the extent of it. . Now it was in college I came to understand that I had a real physical attraction to a young man. This attraction was to a particular young man? Oh yes, very definitely. He lived in California. We were both at Wilberforce College in Ohio. He used to come home with me for the holidays. I had a bedroom of my own, but it had twin beds in it-he slept in his bed and I slept in mine. We never had any physical relationship but a very intense, friendly relationship. At that point, I knew exactly what was going on, but I did not feel then that I could handle such a physical relationship. But I never went through any trauma about coming out because I realized what was going on. I was also strong and secure enough to be able to handle it. But I have always sympathized with people who, for one reason or another, go through the great trauma that I never experienced. Can you say a little more about how you handled your coming out? There was one young man at home who was interested in me when I came back from college. (This is what makes me know that my grandmother knew what was happening.) My grandmother called me into the kitchen one Saturday morning (we always had sort of weekly talks on Saturday morning in the kitchen while we were preparing lunch), and she said, "You know I want to recommend something to you. In selecting your male friends, you should be careful that you associate with people who have as much to lose as you have." And I said, "What do you mean, as much to lose as I have?" She said, "Well, you have a very good reputation, so you should go around with people who have good reputations. You are being educated; you must make friends with people who are being educated. You have certain values, and you must make certain that people you go out with hold those values. Otherwise you could find yourself in very serious trouble. Because very often people who do not have as much to lose as you have can be very careless in befriending you because they are careless in befriending themselves." I think that a family in which the members know and accept one's lifestyle is the most helpful factor for emotional stability. They were aware that I was having an affair with my friend from college, and they obviously approved it. Not that anybody said, "Oh, I think it's a good thing." But they would say, "Friends have invited us over for dinner tonight, and we told them that your friend is here, and they said it's quite all right for you to bring him along." There was never any conflict. And yet there was never any real discussion. A few years later you moved to New York City. The clubs in Harlem in the 1930. and 1940s were known as meccas for gay men and lesbians. Did you interact in that world? Well, Harlem was a totally different world than I had known. When I came to New York, I lived with a sister (really my aunt) who lived on St. Nicholas Avenue, which was at that time the main thoroughfare of Black New York aristocracy-it was called Sugar Hill. That's where the Black doctors, the lawyers, the professionals, and ministers lived. In the Black upper class there were a great number of gay people. So long as they did not publicize their gayness, there was little or no discussion of it. A number ofthe poets, artists, musicians were gay or lesbian. And the clubs paid little attention. In that early period there were few gay clubs because there didn't need to be. The gay clubs came later, with World War II and after. I think that the Black community has been largely willing to accept its gay elements so long as they were not openly gay. It was later when the gay clubs came, and gay men and lesbians wanted the right to come out of the closet, that I think the Black community became quite as intolerant as the white community. Why is that, in your estimation? What caused the resistance to acceptance? Well, I think the community felt that we have, as Blacks, so many problems to put up with, and we have to defend ourselves so vigorously against being labeled as ignorant, irresponsible, shufflers, etc., there's so much prejudice against us, why do we need the gay thing, too? I remember on one occasion somebody said to me, "Goodness gracious! You're a socialist, you're a conscientious objector, you're gay, you're Black, how many jeopardies can you afford?" I found that people in the civil rights movement were perfectly willing to accept me so long as I didn't declare that I was gay. During those years in New York were there any gay or lesbian role models for you? Hall Johnson, leader of the Hall Johnson Choir, was gay and one of the most important Black musicians of his time. He was probably the key role model for me. He was responsible for helping train people like Leontyne Price and all kinds of other opera singers, and was the inspiration for many other musicians. I used to go to his 4 Open Hands An Interview with Bayard Rustin apartment. It was never a hangout for gay men and lesbians; it was a hangout for musicians and artists. And if you were gay or lesbian (and there were many of us) you were there too. As ,ou began working for the Fellowship of Reconciliation, did it seem like ,ou were leading a double life-moving in the artist and musician circles in New York and becoming Involved in the different sphere of human rights activists? It was amongst the Fellowship people that there was hypocrisy-more so-called love and affection and nonviolence toward the human family, but it was there that I found some of the worst attitudes to gays. I experienced this personally after I'd been released from working with the Fellowship when I was arrested in California on what they called a "morals charge." Many of the people in the Fellowship of Reconciliation were absolutely intolerant in their attitudes. When I lost my job there, some of these nonviolent Christians despite their love and affection for humanity were not really able to express very much affection to me. Wherein members of my family (a couple of them had actually fought in the war) were loving, considerate, and accepting. So there are times when people of goodwill may find it difficult to maintain consistency between belief and action. This can be very difficult for some people when faced with a homosexual relationship. Later, in the early '80s, Adam Clayton Powell threatened to expose ,ou, and J. Strom Thurmond did make homosexual relationship with Dr. King. But Martin was so uneasy about it that I decided I did not want Dr. King to have to dismiss me. I had come to the SCLC to help. IfI was going to be a burden I would leave-and I did. However Dr. King was never happy about my leaving. He was deeply tom-although I had left the SCLC, he frequently called me in and asked me to help. While in 1960 he felt real pressure to fire me, in 1963 he agreed that I should organize the March on Washington, of which he was one of the leaders. During those tumultuous times when ,our private life was threatened to be exposed, how did ,ou deal with that? Whom' did ,ou find support from? In June of 1963, Senator Strom Thurmond stood in the Congress and denounced the March on Washington because I was organizing it. He called me a communist, a sexual pervert, a draft dodger, etc. The next day Mr. A Phillip Randolph called all the Black leaders and said, "I want to answer Strom Thurmond's attack. But I think we ought not to get involved in a big discussion of homosexuality or communism or draft dodging. What I want to do, with the approval of all the Black leaders, is to issue a statement which says: 'We, the Black leaders ofthe civil rights movements and the leaders of the trade union movement and the leaders of the Jewish, Protestant, and Catholic church which are organizing this march have absolute confidence in Bayard Rustin's ability, his integrity, and his commitment to nonviolence as the best way to bring about social change. He will continue to organize the March with our full and undivided support.' " He said, "Ifany ofyou are called, I do not want any accusations against ,ou. Did ,ou experience man, discussion beyond that-Is he a homosexual? Has he other incidents like these? been arrested? We simply say we have complete confidence in him and his integrity." And that's exactly what Yes, for example, Martin Luther King, with whom I happened. worked very closely, became very distressed when a Someone came to Mr. Randolph once and said, "Do number of the ministers working for him wanted him to you know that Bayard Rustin is a homosexual? Do you dismiss me from his staff because of my homosexuality. know he has been arrested in California? I don't know Martin set up a committee to discover what he should do. how you could have anyone who is a homosexual working They said that, despite the fact that I had contributed for you." Mr. Randolph said, "Well, well, if Bayard, a tremendously to the organization (I drew up the plans for homosexual, is that talented-and I know the work he the creation of the Southern Christian Leadership does for me-maybe I should be looking for somebody Conference and did most of the planning and fundraising else homosexual who could be so useful." Mr. Randolph in the early days), they thought that I should separate was such a completely honest person who wanted myself from Dr. King. everyone else also to be honest. Had anyone said to him, "Mr. Randolph, do you think I should openly admit that I am homosexual?," his attitude, I am sure, would have When was this, the late 19508? been, "Although such an admission may cause you problems, you will be happier in the long run." Because This was about 1960 actually. This was the time when his idea was that you have to be what you are. Powell threatened to expose my so-called homosexual relationship with Dr. King. There, of course, was no Open Hands 5 An Interview with Bayard Rustin You were involved in many civil rights groups in the '40s, '50s, '80s, '70s. Did any of them at least begin to internally think about lesbian/gay rights? After my arrest (in California in '53), 1 tried to get the Black community to face up to the fact that one of the reasons that some homosexuals went to places where they might well be arrested was that they were not welcome elsewhere. 1 wanted to get people to change their attitudes, but they always made it personal. They would say, "Well, now, Bayard, we understand-we know who you are and we know what you are, but you're really different." And I'd say, "I don't want to hear that. 1 want you to change your attitudes." But there was little action, and even now it's very difficult to get the Black community doing anything constructive about AIDS because it is thought of as a "gay" problem." LOOking back over your whole life, in what ways did your being a gay man affect the person that you are, the person you have been? Oh, 1 think it has made a great difference. When one is attacked for being gay, it sensitizes you to a greater understanding and sympathy for others who face bigotry, and one realizes the damage that being misunderstood can do to people. It's quite all right when people blast my politics. That's their obligation. But to attack anyone because he's Jewish, Black, a homosexual, a woman, or any other reason over which that person has no control is quite terrible. But making my peace and adjusting to being attacked has helped me to grow. It's given me a certain sense of obligation to other people, and it's given me a maturity as well as a sense of humor. You were asking about role models earlier-I think one of the best, most helpful, Black men in the '20s and '30s and '4Os was a professor at Howard University whose name was Alain Locke. 1 got to know Alain Locke very well. He was gay and held open house for the literati and for young people like young Langston Hughes and Richard Wright. 1 suspect that he was probably more of a male role model for me than anyone else. He never felt it necessary to discuss his gayness. He was always a friend to those who were aspiring to be writers. Therefore, he universalized his affection to people. And he carried himself in such a way that the most people could say about him was that they suspected he was gay, not that he was mean or that he was in any way unkind. So 1 find that it's very important for members of a minority group to develop an inner security. For in that way we become fearless and very decent human beings. 1 shall never forget once at a meeting, a chap from the Fellowship of Reconciliation accused me ofimpairing the morals of minors and stated that the organization should not permit me to associate with all the youngsters in the organization. A young man stood up at this meeting and said something which was so amazing 1 have never forgotten about it. He said, "I want this group to know that 1 am now 22, and 1 went to bed with Bayard Rustin last year. And it was a culmination of five years of the most profound and deep friendship and love that 1 have ever known. And 1am not homosexual, and 1 will marry, and 1 promise you now, if my first child is a boy, I'm going to name him Bayard. 1 learned so many important and good things from him. That's why 1 want my firstborn named Bayard." Now that took a tremendous amount of nerve on his part. Four years later he named his firstborn Bayard. If you had to do it all over, H you had to live IHe knowing what you know now, would you want to be gay? 1 think, if 1 had a choice, 1 would probably elect not to be gay. Because 1 think that 1 might be able to do more to fight against the prejudice to gays if1 weren't gay, because some people say I'm simply trying to defend myself. But that's the only reason. 1 want to get rid of all kinds of prejudices. And, quite frankly, one ofthe prejudices which 1 find most difficult is the prejudice that some Black homosexuals have to white homosexuals, the prejudice that Oriental homosexuals have to everybody but Oriental homosexuals, and certainly the tremendous amount of prejudice that some white gay men and lesbians have to Blacks. And the reason this is sad to me is not that 1 expect homosexuals to be any different basically than any other human being, but it is sad because 1 do not believe that they know that it is not prejudice to anyone group that is the problem, it is prejudice itself that is the problem. That brings me to a very important point-people who do not fight against all kinds of prejudice are doing three terrible things. They are, first of all, perpetuating harm to others. Secondly, they are denying their own selves because every heterosexual is a part of homosexuality and every homosexual is part ofthis so-called straight world. If 1harm any human being by my bigotry, 1 am, at the same time, harming myself because I'm a part of that person. And, finally, every indifference to prejudice is suicide because, if 1 don't fight all bigotry, bigotry itself will be strengthened and, sooner or later, it will turn on me. 1 think that one ofthe things we have to be very careful ofin the gay and lesbian community is that we do not under any circumstances permit ourselves to hold on to any indifference to the suffering of any other human being. The homosexuals who did not fight Hitler's prejudice to the Jews finally got it. Now they may have gotten it anyhow. But when the Gestapo came up the stairs after them, they would have died knowing that they were better human beings ifonly they had fought facism and resisted when the Jews were being murdered. 6 Open Hands An Interview with Bayard Rustin Are you hopeful for the human race? Do you think prejudice will be overcome? Do you think ifs improved during your lifetime? Oh, I think, it's improved some places; it's gotten worse in others. But I have learned a very significant lesson from the Jewish prophets. If one really follows the commandments of these prophets, the question of hopeful or nonhopeful may become secondary or unimportant. Because these prophets taught that God does not require us to achieve any of the good tasks that humanity must pursue. What God requires ofus is that we not stop trying. And, therefore, I do not expect that we can do anything more than reduce prejudice to an irreducible minimum. We have the responsibility to try to improve economic and social conditions which I believe may well reduce human problems. As long as there's this much unemployment amongst Blacks and poor Hispanics and poor whites, they will prey on each other. Secondly, we can try to deal with problems ofinjustice by setting up a legal structure which outlaws them and causes people to be punished if they violate them. There's a third way, and this is what I call the way of reconciliation. Ifyou can get enough law and you can get an economic structure, then you can get people to live together in harmony, to go to school together, and they will cooperate in the work force. Then there is a deep learning process in which new stimuli will create new responses. Now these are three of the ways in which I believe we can try to reduce prejudice. I want to say a word while fm on this, about the uniqueness of the gay and lesbian community today. The gay community now becomes the most important element when it comes to answering the question that you have raised about hope. Because the gay community today has taken over where the Black community left offin '68 or '69. In those days Black people were the barometer of social change; Black people were the litmus paper of social change. At that time if a person was prepared to accept Blacks then it followed that that person was prepared to look at Jews, Catholics, and other persons. Today gay men and lesbians have taken over that social role. Because theirs is now the central problem and, if you are to go to the bottom line, if people cannot accept gay men and lesbians, they may not be able to accept anybody who is different. That is what makes the homosexual central to how much progress we can make in human rights. That means there must be among gay men and lesbians themselves tremendous political activity. And that means now that we have an additional good reason for coming out of the closet. We cannot really respect ourselves unless we're willing to state quite honestly who we are. Beyond this there's now another reason why we must come out of the closet, and that is to help carry on the real political struggle for acceptance. Because if you do not fight for yourself in a very vigorous way, you cannot expect anybody to join in a fight with you. Do you have any observations, looking historically, at the Black civil rights movement and the lesbian/ gay civil rights movement-where have there been similarities; where have there been differences? Well, I think the moral question is similar. But after you get beyond that question, I think there are not many similarities. The gay and lesbian community is not a community which looks anyone way; it is not a community which behaves in anyone way. Wherein Blacks all look Black (which is not true, but people think so) and they have certain things you can point to-they were once slaves, they were once uneducated-gay men and lesbians tend to belong to a more educated, collegetrained group. Gay men and lesbians are not all in that group, by any means, but the visible ones are. The prejudice to gay men and lesbians is much deeper. Those who fight against gay men and lesbians carry a propaganda which is designed to strike deeply at the most fundamental concerns of our society. Antigay/lesbian proponents will argue that humanity must have the family and gay men and lesbians are anti-family. The society advances only as there are children. Gay men and lesbians will not produce children. The society will only exist as long as there is a high standard ofmoral behavior. Gay men particularly are pictured as running around having sex with everybody in sight and not concerned with anything other than their own immediate pleasure and satisfaction. Now you and I know that much ofthat is decidedly untrue. But gay men and lesbians are looked on as being an unstable element when what you need in the society is stability. As I said this propaganda has been carefully designed. Beyond all this, the bigots argue that segments ofboth the Old and the New Testament have denounced homosexuality as an abomination. Ifone goes through the scriptures and picks out little pieces of this and that, it's possible to distort. You know, those who believe you shouldn't have anything to drink find the little place in the Bible that justifies that attitude. Those who want to drink will quote St. Paul and say "A little wine is good for thy stomach's sake." People will pick out what they want rather than seeing the scriptures as a growth in spiritual insight. The people who want to carry on racial prejudice will no longer talk about this as the way that God wants it. But people will still tell you that homosexuality is ungodly and destructive. That's what I mean when I say that gay men and lesbians have now become the barometer and the litmus paper of human rights attitudes and social change. 0 Open Hands 7 - - I Querido Popi, Howselective memories can be! Why is it that we remember some moments and forget others? It fascinates me that at times we seem to be so close and then other times one or both of us remain silent. Was our silence due to our fear of the possibility of rejection and loss? Or could it be that we are so proud that we can't admit our need to be needed? I often wondered what your response would be to me if I openly confronted you with my lesbianism. Remember that anonymous letter you and Momi received concerning my "homosexual friends" and my "special Black woman friend" of whom you needed to be watchful? You didn't want me to be hurt by someone wanting to destroy my reputation. Your initial response was to protect me from unfounded lies and jealousy, so you told Momi to disregard the perversity contained within the note and never to mention it to me. Did you even think that such sexuality existed between women, or did you think that "being queer" was restricted to men? My fear of being rejected has been so great I've not been able to take the chance of what your answers might be. This same fear has kept me away from seeking out others of our heritage. You have always been my tangible connection to that heritage. You are, in every part of your being, Cuban. I've learned my love of music from you as we danced together. My spirit and passion are in large measure a reflection of how you have presented yourself in the world. Your independence and pride, strength and passion, tender-heartedness and fierce protectiveness of your family are all characteristics that I admire and emulate. Your desire to protect me was not so restricting as to constrain my desire to be independent and strong. You stressed education not boyfriends, success rather than silliness, and above all, a sense of charity to those less fortunate than myself. What I can't seem to understand is that for all the freedom you gave me to discover myself, you refused to give me your language and your culture. I didn't know for many years what other Latinas were like or even that I was one. If it hadn't been for my Angla mother I would not have been filled with the stories of life in Cuba. Momi taught me what your lives had been like when you were in your homeland and she in a foreign land. Momi fed me mondongo and potaje, black beans and rice that always contained the proper sofrito. She engendered in me a great love for a country which wasn't even her own, so much love that my dream for years was to visit the place of your birth to see for myself where I came from. I've always felt jealous of my brother John and my 8 Open Hands sister Susan because they grew up in both worlds. They knew what it meant to be Cuban and North American from lived experience and yet now they seem to have opted for their whiteness and not their color. You thought of yourself as white and differentiated from Black. But in the United States you are not white, you are Latino, a person of color. This may be a new concept to you, one that you might want to reject. But it reflects the alienation that you have always felt being in this country. You never quite fit in with the Anglo men in your office and so your friends were other Latins. But you only associated with them outside our home. I wonder if this was because you wanted me to feel at home in this country. You didn't want me to experience the same feelings of isolation that you felt. Perhaps you noticed our similarities. Perhaps you saw my passion and wanted to spare me from the pain that you had felt for years. Though your intentions were admirable, I soon discovered that I was very different from my surrounding peers. What a twist of fate! You didn't want me to learn Spanish first because you didn't want me to be different from the other American girls. But you didn't realize that I already was a stranger in a strange land. I would never be a white Anglo-Saxon Protestant, tall, thin and blond, genteel, reserved, and able to fit in with the "upper crust" society. I look more like a Gauguin nude than a California girl. I'm loud and boisterous and exude sexuality. I sing and dance in public places even when there is no music. Perhaps this is what you saw and it made you afraid of me. T here are places in my life now where I feel that I belong after so many years of feeling like an outsider, feeling as if something were wrong with me. Discovering my lesbianism opened my life to me. It gave me my first community of similar-minded people. I "came out" in the church, the Riverside Church on the upper west side of Manhattan, to be exact, in front of 2000 people. I had just begun to attend both the church and Maranatha, Riversiders for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, and had been asked by the leadership if I would give the "Minute for Mission," an annual statement by which Maranatha made its presence and mission known to the whole church. When I got up before all those people, I thought my voice would squeak out, but I appeared courageous and self-confident even though I was trembling. In that moment I felt true to myself. I was not performing a role or living someone else's life. I was acknowledging who I was before God and God's assembly. The moment was so powerful. I knew that God was with me, and that I was her ------ child, her voice speaking out for justice and love. A few years ago I was asked to be the spokesperson for the Massachusetts chapter of the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. No -other lesbian or gay man was willing to be "out" in front of the Massachusetts Conference of the United Church of Christ. When it was time for me to speak on behalf of the resolution calling on congregations to declare themselves "open and affirming" to lesbian/gay and bisexual persons in the life of the church, I got up before the 700 people bringing my few notes. I began to talk of the pain of isolation that no one from Massachusetts was willing to face the audience so they asked me, a New Yorker. I asked that, if we truly claimed to identify with Christ, we needed to see that he associated with those whom his society thought were the outcasts and the sinners. He loved them as I knew that I was loved by Christ today. When I finished, some complained because they thought I had been angry. One woman even defended my anger saying that I had a right to be angry after what the church had done to lesbian and gay people in the name of Christianity. But I had been misunderstood. I was not angry, I was passionate in my plea for conversion to the way of Christ. I was again realizing that I was different. Even my sisters and brothers in the Coalition thought I had been angry. People felt threatened by my passion so they called it anger. I began to see that even in the midst of this community I was an outsider. I eventually realized that this was because I was a Latina. I had a different way of being in the world than the Anglos/as. I felt tokenized. They wanted my passion and my courage because they couldn't do it, but they didn't want me to be too outrageous. After this experience it has taken me some time to be courageous enough to seek out a community of Latinos/as in the church. The overwhelming fear was that I would be rejected. But the fear wasn't just because of my lesbianism. Would I be accused of being a false Latina? I am half Angla, from Momi's side; my lover is an Angla. I don't speak perfect Spanish. I attend one of the most elite educational institutions in the country-Harvard Divinity School. And my own class history was a combination of white middle class and Cuban wealthy class. I felt that I couldn't bear the rejection of the community that I knew to be my own, so I didn't chance it for a long time. The journey toward my heritage began when I went to Nicaragua before I started seminary. I was clearly a North American and so a foreigner, but when I would tell Nicaraguans that my father was Cuban their attitudes changed. I was no longer completely an outsider but a cousin. One man said in reply to my comment about my heritage, "So then you are Cuban!" This was a new realization for me. I came back from that trip changed. For the first time in my life I had spent significant time with other Hispanic people outside my family. Finally it came time for my life-long dream to be realized. I received the opportunity to go to Cuba with other Cubans on the Antonio Maceo Brigade.· I was filled with excitement and yet disbelief that this was happening to me. But at the same time it was so painful. I was terrified that I wouldn't fit in. I was in emotional turmoil for the entire three weeks I was in Cuba. I cried in private and I danced and laughed and worked and drank lots of rum in public. Just walking the streets of Havana, I would be overcome with emotion. I was home for the first time and yet it wasn't my home. I was with my people but they weren't my people. I loved what I saw of the revolution, the progress in education, healthcare, housing, and living conditions, but I knew that as a lesbian I wasn't included. I'll never forget what happened when I came back to the U.S. When I called you and Momi, you spoke to me in Spanish for the first time ever. You initiated the conversation in your native tongue. After an entire lifetime of wanting you to let me in, you finally did. Somehow you knew that I loved Cuba as much as you did. The next Christmas when I brought my slides for the whole family to see, I watched you cry when I sang the Cuban national anthem. I knew then that I belonged to you and your people. I was Cuban too. I have now been able to accept myself enough to risk the rejection and/or acceptance of other Latin people in the church. I have been warmly welcomed as a sister. Many know that I am a lesbian. Some are challenged by it; some are fearful; some are accepting; but all of them see my commitment to other Latinos/as. My commitment to justice will not be restricted to activism for only one group of oppressed people. I will be all of who I am and live out of that wholeness. Popi, this has been such a difficult letter to write. These questions that I have asked you, the secrets that I have revealed will never be heard by you. I can only believe that in God's company you have the benefit of deep vision to see the truth about my life. Your passing from this life last October has opened me up to the realization that I cannot depend on you for my connection to my heritage. I must go forward courageously loving and living as only I know how. I am a lesbian Latina and I love myself as I know God loves me. Con amor y carino, tu hija, Margarita *The Antonio Maceo Brigade is a group ofprogressive CubanAmericans committed to normalizing relations between the United States and Cuba. Margarita Suarez is a member ofthe United ChuJ"ch ofChrist, completing a Master ofDivinity degree at Harvard Divinity School and pursuing ordination. She is a member ofthe Amanecidq Collective-authors ofRevolutionary Forgiveness: Feminist Perspectives on Nicaragua. Open Hands 9 BELOVED WOMEN It is not known if those who warred and hunted on the plains chanted and hexed in the hills divined and healed in the mountains gazed and walked beneath the seas were Lesbians It is never known if any woman was a Lesbian so who can say that she who shivering drank warm blood beneath wind-blown moons slept tight to a beloved of shininghair curled as a smile within crescent arms followed her track deep into secret woods dreamed other dreams and who would record these things perhaps all women are Lesbian though many try to turn knotted sinew and stubby cheek into that ancient almostremembered scene perhaps all know the first beloved so well they can shape the power to reclaim her The portents in the skies-the moons forever growing and falling away, the suns concentric orbits daily crossing themselves like a nunwho's to say that these are signs of what has always been? And perhaps the portents are better left written only in the stars, etched on cave-walls, rosewindows, the perfect naves of brooding cathedrals. Perhaps all they signify is best left unsaid. Nobody knows whether those women were Lesbians. Nobody can say what such an event might mean. -Paula Gunn Allen "Beloved Women" Copyright 1979 by Paula Gunn Allen. First published in Conditions 7 1981. Reprinted with permission. n e beginning were tlie people, the spirits, t e gods; \ Ith four-legged, the two-leggeds, the win~l os, the crawlers, the burrowers, the plants, the trees, t,e rocks. There were the moon, the Un, the earth, the waters of earth and sky. There wer the stars, the thunde s, the mountains, the plains, the nw~as and the hills. Til re was the Mystery. There were th G randmothers, the Mothers, the cla s, the people. At t ~ end of the 15th 9f' tury, Anglo-European time, the old world that the tribes, Nations, and Confederacie d in began to be tom apart. At first the tear see~ small enough, and for various reasons we did not grasp the enormity of the threat; indeed, many tribes did not know there was a threat for another 200 to 300 years. The wars of conquest that began with the landing of Christopher Columbus on an isolated little island on the edge of the southeastern sea gained momentum until every tribe and every aspect of traditional life was swept up in it; during the centuries of those wars everything in our lives was affected and much was changed, even the earth, the waters, and the sky. We went down under wave after wave of settlement, each preceded, accompanied by, and followed by military engagements that were more often massacres of our people than declared wars. These wars, taken together, constitute the longest undeclared war neo-Americans have fought, and no end is in sight. It is still being fought on reservations, in urban communities, along Indian-white frontiers (which occur wherever Indian and non-Indian interface); in Mexico and in Central America-Guatemala, El Salvador, Nicaragua, Honduras, and Costa Rica; in South America -Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Venezuela, Peru. In some areas we have been all but extinguished, as in the islands of the Caribbean, Canada, and the United States; in others we continue to survive in large numbers, though usually characterized as peasants and disguised as Hispanics by the Anglo-European/Hispanic media, scholars, officials, and political activists. Still we endure, and many of our old values, lifeways, and philosophies endure with us, for they, like us, are inextricably linked to the land, the sky, the waters, and the spirits of this Turtle Island, this EarthSurface place, that the whites call "the New World." During the 500 years ofAnglo-European colonization, the tribes have seen a progressive shift from womancentered, egalitarian, ritual-based social systems to secularized structures closely imitative of the European patriarchal system. During this time women (including lesbians) and gay men-along with traditional medicine people, holy people, shamans, and ritual leaders-have suffered severe loss of status, power, and leadership. That these groups have suffered concurrent degradation is not coincidental; the woman-based, woman-centered traditions of many precontact tribes were tightly bound to ritual, and ritual was based on spiritual understandings rather than on economic or political ones .... Virtually all ! customary sexual customs among the tribes have been changed-including marital, premarital, homosexual, and ritual sexual practices, along with childhood and I adult indulgence in open sexuality, common in many ;\ tribes. \ Colonization has meant the loss not only of language llnd the power of self-government but also of ritual status of all women and those males labeled "deviant" by the Jwhite Christian colonizers. The usual, generally genderbased divisions of labor ... have been altered, prohibited, or forced underground, from whence they have only recently begun to reemerge as the tribes find themselves engaged in a return to more traditional ways of life. In considering gender-based roles, we must remember that while the roles themselves were flXed in most archaic American cultures, with divisions of "women's work" and "men's work," the individuals fit into these roles on the basis of proclivity, inclination, and temperament. Thus men who in contemporary European and American societies are designated gay or homosexual were genderdesignated among many tribes as "women" in terms of their roles; women who in contemporary societies are designated as lesbians (actually "dykes" is more accuratel) were designated as men in tribal cultures ... Recent scholarly work reveals the universal or nearly universal presence of homosexuality and lesbianism among tribal peoples, the special respect and honor often accorded gay men and women, and the alteration in that status as a result of colonization of the continent by Anglo-Europeans. These studies demonstrate the process by which external conquest and colonization become internalized among the colonized with vivid clarity. Homophobia, which was rare (perhaps even absent entirely) among tribal peoples in the Americas, has steadily grown among them as they have traded traditional tribal values for Christian industrial ones ... Some American Indians, usually the most traditional, continue to accord high respect to homosexuals, even to the present day. Of these, many, perhaps most, will not discuss the subject with non-Indians because they are unwilling to have institutions or practices that they value subjected to ridicule or contempt. They also may feel a strong need to protect the homosexuals and lesbians among them and the tribe as a whole from further lifethreatening assaults which for too long have been directed against them. Other Indians more acculturated and highly Christianized, treat the presence of lesbianism or homosexuality among them with fear and loathing. They do not confine that loathing to homosexuality but direct it to (continued) Editor's Note: Bold type indicates editorial additions to ease transitions. while ellipses denote material deleted from the original. 1,A "dyke" can be .iewed as one who bonds with women to further some Spirit and supernatural directive and a lesbian as a woman who is emotionally and physically intimate with other women. (The two groups are not mutually exclusive.) Open Hands 11 other aspects oftribal ceremonial life, particularly when it has to do with sexuality. But the pattern of colonized psychology and social valuation among Indian people may be being reversed. Recently, Russell Means of the American Indian Movement . .. said, in defense of homosexuals and their anciently valued place among the people: "The Indian looked upon these unique individuals as something special the Great Mystery created to teach us. These people had something special to tell us." And the Oglala Sioux holy man John (Fire) Lame Deer said, "To us a man is what nature, or his dreams, make him. We accept him for what he wants to be. That's up to him. . .. There are good men among the winktes [the Lakota word for gay men] and they have been given certain powers." It is significant, I think, that those who are homophobic are also very likely to be misogynist. Indeed, the latter often masquerade as the former. The colonizers' treatment of gays is analogous to their treatment of healers, holy people, dreamers, and other traditional leaders, foremost among whom have traditionally been the women-the matrons, clan mothers, dreamers, and makers of ritual and tribal life in the western hemisphere. Many people believe that Indian men have suffered more damage to their traditional status than have Indian women, but I think that belief is more a reflection of colonial attitudes toward the primacy of male experience than of historical fact. While women still play the traditional role of housekeeper, childbearer, and nurturer, they no longer enjoy the unquestioned positions ofpower, respect, and decision making on local and international levels that were not so long ago their accustomed functions. Only in some tribes do they still enjoy the medicine or shamanistic power they earlier possessed. No longer, except in backwoods pockets of resistance, do they speak with the power and authority of inviolable law.... In traditional American Indian cultures, power ... is not perceived as political or economic, though status and material possessions can and often do derive from it. Power is conceived of as being supernatural and paranormal. It is a matter of spirit involvement and destiny. Women's power comes automatically, by virtue of her femaleness, her natural and necessary fecundity, and her personal acquaintance with blood. The tribal ... dyke was likely to have been a medicine woman in a special sense . ... The Lakota have a word for some of these women, koskalaka, which is translated as "young man" or "woman who doesn't want to marry," in our terms, "dyke." These women are said to be the daughters (the followers/practitioners) ofa Spirit/Divinity who links two women together making them one in Her power. They do a dance in which a rope is twined between them and coiled to form a "rope baby." The exact purpose or result of this dance is not mentioned, but its significance is clear. In a culture that values children and women because they bear them, two women who don't want to marry (a man) become united by the creation of a rope baby. That is, the rope baby signifies the potency of their union in terms that are comprehensible to their society, which therefore legitimizes it. It is clear that among traditional Lakota the koskalaka are perceived as powerful, as are their presumed male counterparts, the winkte. But their power does not constitute the right "to determine [their] own and others' actions."2 Rather, it consists of the ability to manipulate physical and nonphysical reality toward certain ends. ... The power referred to here is magical, mysterious, and sacred. That does not mean that its possessors are to be regarded as a priestly pious people, for this is hardly the case. But it does mean that those who possess "medicine power," women and men, are to be treated with a certain cautious respect. ... Not so long ago, the American Indians were clearly aware ofthe power that women possessed. Even now there are those among traditionalists who know the medicine power ofwomen. This is why a clear understanding ofthe supernatural forces and their potential in our lives is necessary. More than an interesting tour through primitive exotica is to be gained. Before we worry about collecting more material from aborigines, before we join forces with those who are in a position to destroy us, and before we decide ... that belief in ancient matriarchal civilization is an irrational concept born ofconjecture and wish, let us adjust our perspective to match that of our foresisters. Then, when we search the memories and lore of tribal peoples, we might be able to see what eons and all kinds of institutions have conspired to hide from our eyes. The evidence is all around us. It remains for us to discover what it means. 0 lAs it is accurately put by Jane Fishburne Collier in "Women in Politics, " in Michelle Zimbalist Rosalda and Louise Lamphere, eds., Woman, Culture, and Society (Stanford, Calif.: Stanford University Press, 1974), p. 70. From The Sacred Hoop by Paula Gunn Allen. Copyright 1986 by Paula Gunn Allen. Reprinted by permission of Beacon Press. I Paula Gunn Allen, a Laguna Pueblo/Sioux Indian, is the author offive books of poetry, including Shadow Country, and the novel The Woman Who Owned the Shadows. She teaches Native American studies at the University ofCalifornia, Berkeley. 12 Open Hands FOR EACH OF YOU Be who you are and will be learn to cherish that boisterous Black Angel that drives you up one day and down another protecting the place where your power rises running like hot blood from the same source as your pain When you are hungry learn to eat whatever sustains you until morning but do not be misled by details simply because you live them. Do not let your head deny your hands any memory of what passes through them nor youreyes nor your heart everything can be used except what is wasteful (you will need to remember this when you are accused of destruction). Even when they are dangerous examine the heart of those machines which you hate before you discard them but do not mourn the lack of their power lest you be condemned to relive them. If you do not learn to hate you will never be lonely enough to love easily nor will you always be brave although it does not grow any easier Do not pretend to convenient beliefs even when they are righteous you will never be able to defend your city while shouting Remember our sun is not the most noteworthy star only the nearest Respect whatever pain you bring back from your dreaming but do not look for new gods in the sea nor in any part of a rainbow Each time you love love as deeply as if it were forever only nothing is eternal. Speak proudly to your children where ever you may find them tell them you are the offspring of slaves and your mother was a princess in darkness. -Audre Lorde Reprinted from Chosen Poems: O ld and New by Audre Lourde. Copyright 1963,1976,1974, 1973, 1970, 1966 by Audre Lorde. Reprinted with permission of the publisher, W.W. Norton and Company, Inc. Open Hands 13 Recently, Don, a friend and colleague of mine, and I were asked to train a group of students from a prestigious East Coast university in methods of facilitating workshops on racism, sexism, and homophobia. Delighted to do anything which might further the involvement of individuals in the destruction of these problems, Don and I excitedly accepted the task and made plans for a productive weekend. On probably the worst winter weekend of the season, we drove to meet the students at a farm in upstate New York, where we set about passing on our skills to a new generation of leaders and, hopefully, activists. Twenty-four students took part in the weekend retreat. Thirteen of them were white; eleven were persons ofcolor. Five were openly gay or lesbian. Don is an Asian gay man; I am a Black lesbian. Don considers himself an agnostic; I am a Christian minister. In spite ofour differences, we are activists and good friends and both committed to the enlightenment and empowerment of all persons effected by oppression. The weekend was inspiring and challenging from the start. The students were juniors and seniors with well developed skills in critical analyses and information processing. They had finely tuned, questioning, searching minds. Some were from affiuent families, some were not; all were reaching for middle class dreams. The weekend was intense for all of us. The students requested that we focus more on racism since ongoing workshops on campus dealt with homophobia and sexism. With this in mind, we reserved only the last threehour block oftime for dealing with homophobia. This was a mistake. The method we used requires a great deal of participation and critical looking at one's values. On the issue of homophobia, we discovered that silence had been wrongly interpreted as having dealt with the issue. The workshop was also designed to break through preestablished defenses and encourage participants to say what they really think and feel by creating a safe and trustfilled space. This time, however, when the silence was broken my heart was broken, shattered by the bitter truths of how the Black religious communities have participated in the continued oppression of gay men and lesbians. There were six Black women in the group, one ofwhom was a lesbian. There were no Black men. Four of the five who were not lesbians proved to be the most homophobic ofthe entire group oftwenty-four. They were also the most religious. The basis of their arguments against lesbianism and homosexuality was that sex between persons of the same sex was unnatural, immoral, and just plain wrong in the eyes of God. God said for humankind to replenish the earth and there was only one way to do that. Although pressed for time, I hurriedly pointed out to them how the Bible has been used throughout the history of Blacks to oppress us. I spoke in that down-home faith language familiar to their tradition about the oneness of God's spirit and about God's unconditional love and acceptance. They continued to say, "'It's unnatural." I talked about the Black church's commitment to human rights and about love being one of those rights. Still they replied, "It's unnatural." I spoke of the mandate of the Gospel that we work for justice and equality. "It's still unnatural," was the response. Desperate, I talked about how for generations slavery was considered "natural" for Black people. The cries continued, the voices unchanged. The Black lesbian seated very close to me on the floor hung her head and said nothing. I smelled her fear. I felt the heat of her young soul melting and heard the sounds ofchains fastening around her dreams, locked in place by Black hands. Voices screamed loudly in my head, "Woe to those who come out ofthe tomb and roll the stone back on 14 Open Hands those left in the grave; their salvation shall be deemed highly questionable until the end of time!" Hallelujah! These women, sadly, are reflective of too many Black Christians in this country. Although the Black church has been in the forefront of all progressive changes in civil rights since the days of slavery, it has not been consistent in regards to the human rights of gay men and lesbians. Rather, it has been silent or abusive. And either response has helped to further the oppression of lesbians and gay men. I firmly believe that the good health of the Black community depends upon its healthy response in support of the human rights of all peoples including lesbians and gay men. To do less is to allow the untreated wounds ofour brokenness to decay and thus destroy the entire body. To understand this, one has only to look at the places where brokenness lives in the Black lesbian and gay communities and ask, "Who is working at healing it, and who should be given the call of the Gospel and the oneness of the body of Christ?" Black gay men and lesbians face a dual experience of oppression. They encounter racism almost from birth, and homophobia from the moment they claim their sexualities. As they grow and move among the lesbian and gay communities seeking companionship and relationships, they risk encountering racism from within those very communities to which they have fled. Where do they go for pastoral counseling, for guidance in developing moral behavior and healthy relationships, for affirmation of their relationships, for comfort when relationships fail? Where do they go for help in diffusing the anger and hurt of the racism within the gay and lesbian communities? Who heals the broken painful wounds caused by familial rejection when their sexuality is discovered? Certainly not the Black religious community. Who should be involved in this healing and comforting based on the history of Black people and on the Gospel? As I think back on that workshop and remember the attitudes expressed, as I look at other instances of brokenness that weaken the Black community, I continue to ask, "Who will be there for us?" Consider drug and alcohol abuse. These life-destroying abuses are allowed to flourish by an uncaring system, a system so insensitive to the needs of Black people that it blames those who are victimized. For many gay men and lesbians, drugs and alcohol are their only means of coping with the pressures of their lifestyles, the only way to numb the pain. Who walks among them witnessing to another way of hope? Who gives assurance of God's sustaining grace, a grace more soothing than any other substance known to humankind? Consider the brokenness of AIDS, terrifying every segment of our society. By labeling AIDS a gay problem, the homophobia of the Black comunity makes all of us a people living at risk. Why are not Black religious leaders preaching vehemently throughout the land the whole truth about the disease? Why don't Sunday worshipers as they sit in their pews hear that 41% of all AIDS cases are people ofcolor, or 59% ofall children with AIDS are Black children, or 52% of all women with AIDS are Black women, or that of the men being inducted into the Armed Services, Black men are testing positive 4 to 1. To whom do these people tum to hold them and pray for them when they're on their deathbeds? Who preaches their funerals? Who will be there to wipe the sweat from their brow when they are too weak from coughing to lift an arm? How many Black churches send representatives from the nurse's guild, the deacon board, or the hospitality committee to the homes of persons with AIDS, gay/ lesbian or not? How many Black religious persons have screamed, instead, that AIDS is a punishment from God to gay men and lesbians? Do these same people scream that sickle cell anemia is God's punishment to the Black race? The issues Black lesbians and gay men face without help and needed support ofthe Black religous communities are many. The threat of violence is ever present. Quality health care is absent. Homelessness is increasing in the Black gay and lesbian communities, and they face both racial and sexual discrimination in existing shelter systems and housing programs. Discrimination in employment and child custody, hunger and loneliness are painful realities. Every lesbian or gay man engages in a continuing battle for self-esteem throughout her or his life. Who will set these captives free? Nevertheless, we have survived, often in spite of the Black religious communities. I fear, however, that the credibility of these communities will not survive if their silence and rejection ofgay men and lesbians continues. I fear that one day those who call themselves Christian but continue to participate in our oppression will look for God and God will be busy parting the Red Seas of our lives for our liberation. When it comes to lesbian and gay needs and issues, too many in the Black religious communities have opted to march in Pharoah's army. And, we all know what happened to Pharoah's army ... I often think about the women at that weekend training retreat. I pray that something shifted in their thinking or that they heard something that will at least cause them to question their hard opinions. I pray for them and for the rest of the Black religious communities. As I pray I yearn for us to somehow love one another through these times. Regardless, my faith in God's love for and acceptance of me and my lesbian sisters and gay brothers is unyielding. Each day that I live I know without a doubt "that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love ofGod in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38-39) 0 I Rene McCoy is a minister in the Universal Fellowship ofMetropolitan Community Churches (MCC) and is founder and past pastor of the Harlem MCC. She is currently working with homeless women in New York City. Open Hands 15 DISCHARGE USN '63 To the Brothers of the "African Queens," the USS F.D. Roosevelt eVA-42, and the USS Shangri La eVA-3B, 1961 to 1963, but especially to jimmy who tried to give me love and on my discharge gave me a long hard hug and told me "Man this is forever which is not long enough. " Four years of loving you, You Black masculine multitude, You chocolate sailors infinite and numberless. Long have we come and gone, And being victims Of many an unexpected reunion, Have made drunken jubilation In the far corners of this earth; Have made love, And then again Bonded to suffer separation. But here it is now, My last farewell. For uncelebrated and without ceremony, I'll soon be gone, Leaving you who are well and long loved, Whose simple presence made the barren vast seas, And distant lonely unfamiliar shores, A home. Lovers should never be separated As long as love lasts, But it is my time to move on in life, To make these experiences, Our things of the past. But 0' what a real and live part of me I am leaving behind, That on departing, I know Every moment of true happiness I may ever find, Will be a tender moment, Somewhat akin To being together with you all again. -Oye Apeji Ajanaku Excerpted from In the Life: A Black Gay Anthology Edited by Joseph Beam (Alyson Publications, 40 Plympton St, Boston, Massachusetts 02116) POEM for F.F. I loved my friend. He went away from me. There's nothing more to say. The poem ends, Soft as it began,I loved my friend. -Langston Hughes FREEDOM Freedom will not come Today, this year Nor ever Through compromise and fear. I have as much right As the other fellow has To stand On my two feet And own the land. I tire so of hearing people say, Let things take their course. Tomorrow is another day. I do not need my freedom when I'm dead. I cannot live on tomorrow's bread. Freedom Is a strong seed Planted In a great need. I live here, too. I want freedom Just as you. -Langston Hughes "Freedom" from The Panther and the Lash by langston Hughes. Copyright c 1967 by Ama Bontemps and George Houston Bass, Executors of the Estate of Langston Hughes. Reprinted by permission of Alfred A Knopf, Inc. "Poem" from The Dreamkeeper and Other Poems by langston Hughes, illustrated by Helen Sewell. Copyright 1932 by Alfred A Knopf, Inc. and renewed 1960 by langston Hughes. Reprinted by permission of Alfred A Knopf, Inc. Peo ple: A Litanyfor reedom Some day we shall be free! eUJfaining flje epitif A Word about the Litany "I.If YYeeping may endure/or a night, but joy comes in the morning. "-Psalm 30 Any litany offreedom for lesbians and gay men ofcolor must address the "weary years" and "silent tears" that have characterized the North American experience. Many gay men and lesbians must still bear the double burdens of homophobia and racism in their communities. The expression ofcommunal grief, like communal celebration, can be an enormously transforming experience. Almost 60 years after James Weldon and 1. Rosamond Johnson penned their moving anthem, "Lift Every Voice and Sing, "I lesbians and gay men ofcolor still face those days when it must seem as though "hope unborn had died" andfreedom be delayed. Such experiences mustfind expression in worship. The congregatio.n is invited to speak this liturgy as an affirmation ofsolidarity and reconciliation-with the reminder that such reconciliation never comes without cost or effort. A soloist can sing briefexceptsfrom "Lift Every Voice and Sing. " For some, this liturgy may come asjudgment; for others, as precious words ofgrace. The gospel message is that the night is already far gone and that even now the morning offreedom for all ofGod's children is breaking. Let us rise to meet the morning. IThefull text and musicfor Lift Every Voice and Sing can befound in the Songs of Zion songbook. published by Abingdon Press. Litany for Freedom Soloist: People: Leader: People: Soloist: Leader: People: Soloist: Leader: People: Soloist: Leader: "God of our weary years"How long shall we wait, 0 God, and when shall we be free? We are your people, scarred by racism and disfigured by prejudice. Seemingly forgotten by all save Jesus. When shall we be free? "God of our silent tears"In closets not of our making and ghettos not of our choice, wearied in the struggle, bleeding, bruised, and tired. Tempted to lay our burdens and softly steal 'way home. Our silent tears still flow, 0 God; our cries rise up to you. "Thou who hast brought us thus far on the way"And lovingly called us yours, And sweetly whispered our names, Not "forever oppressed" but "wholly redeemed," Not "downtrodden slave" but "child of God." "Lest our feet stray from the places our God where we met thee. Lest our hearts drunk with the wine of the world we forget thee." "Shadowed beneath thy hand, May we forever stand"And not only stand, 0 God, but dance-a righteous gospel step. For your daughters have visioned it, and your sons have dreamed it. Soloist: "True to our God, true to our native land." People: And to your realm, 0 God. Leader And to ourselves as you have seen us. People: And to the vision of a brighter day to come. All: Amen. Open Hands 17 BYYEE LIN urrent e Chinese are very reticent about sex and malefemale relationships. Needless to say, femalefemale relationships (i.e., lesbian relationships) simply do not exist; it would be too shocking to the Chinese conscience to even acknowledge their existence. At least this was true when I was growing up; Western influence in the sixties and seventies might have slightly changed that attitude. I didn't even know the Chinese word for "homosexual" until I was in my late teens. But I have always been aware of my "feelings" for other women since I was four or five years old. Well, I did not play with my sisters or my girl friends in the neighborhood that much because all they wanted to play was housekeeping and cooking. Instead, I grew up playing soccer, badminton, and Chinese chess with the boys. In particular, I adored two neighborhood girls who could play a good game of badminton and always beat all the boys in badminton, too. I simply gravitated toward female figures since early childhood. I went to an all-girls' school as a third-grader, and have been in all-women schools ever since-including college and graduate school! These women-oriented environments helped me build a very strong and positive sense of being female. I was lucky in this respect, because otherwise I would have grown up just like any other girl from a traditional Chinese family. I can see the reflection of what could easily have been "me" in 99 percent of my girl friends and schoolmates. They all grew up with the very stifling-to me, at least-notion ofbelonging to a man and submitting to him in the not-so-distant future. It is a Chinese virtue for a woman to be a submissive wife-gentle and obedient. I knew what was expected of me as a Chinese woman. It is terribly improper for Chinese women to even speak up in the presence of men. But I must say my parents are, in certain ways, frightfully unconventional by Chinese standards. Perhaps because I am the eldest daughter, my father always enlisted my help in "manly" jobs like waxing the floor, moving furniture, fixing the stereo, etc. Moreover, they often stepped out of the way to encourage me to excel in my studies, in sports, and gave me (and my sisters) plenty of opportunities for extracurricular activities, such as joining the Girl Scouts, taking music lessons, and so on. Such parental attitudes for bringing up girls were quite unheard-of then in a Chinese community. I grew up a free spirit, full of self-confidence and ambitions unseeming of a Chinese woman. Unlike the "average" Chinese young woman, who is usually reluctant to achieve or express herself knowing that she will have a husband who will speak and provide for her anyway, I learned young that I am an individual who has to fend for myself. Therefore, the idea of submitting to a man (i.e., my supposed husband) was sickening to me. Besides, I have always felt that I "love" women, which, by the way, made me even more aware of my "oddity" among other Chinese women, as if being such an "un-Chinese free spirit" were not enough. It is not therefore easy to imagine that lesbians in a Chinese community-a culture imbued with Confucian morality and decency-are extremely hard to come by (to 18 Open Hands put it rather crassly). Even as liberal as my parents are, when it came to my lesbianism, they were alternately shocked, offended, shamed, despaired, and outraged. And I, in turn, was startled too, because I thought-innocently enough-my parents would support my un-Chinese, unconventional mode of life all the way. My high school experience was an episode of my onesided infatuations with various girls in the senior classes. This sort of thing, I learned, was quite common in all-girls' high schools. But deep inside, I knew that in my case it was a serious emotional and physical attraction, and I was not just doing what was "in" under the circumstances. (Sure enough, many of my schoolmates whom I thought were also courting other girls are now "happily married" and raising their children.) I cannot speak for all Chinese lesbians, but I certainly did not feel any guilt about having love feelings for other women. I just felt strange that I did not have the kind of feelings for boys as my schoolmates had. So I kept my lesbian-I didn't know the word then, of course-feelings to myself, and paid lip service whenever they talked about boys. I felt positive and good about loving other women even then. I felt as if! could be the exception: that I could be a woman-loving woman and be accepted by my Chinese environment. A temporary setback came when I was sixteen. My lesbian feelings were getting too intense for me to comfortably live with. At the same time, peer-group pressure was bearing especially hard on me. It was the time when everybody (so it seemed) in my class started actively dating boys. I had never felt so odd, isolated, and totally confused. Finally I succumbed to societal pressure-a move that I bitterly regret till this day. I started dieting in order to look more "feminine" and appealing (I was far too muscular and athletic then); I learned to walk and talk like a "lady"-that is, when I couldn't help not talking. The pressure on me to be "normal," or rather, to be like any other Chinese girl, was just overwhelming. My dieting resulted in a not-so-mild case of malnutrition; but at least I got what I thought I wanted-boyfriends. It took another two years before I could force myself to feel marginally comfortable with going out on a date. Just as I began to feel success in conforming to the expectations for me as a young Chinese woman, I met my first love. It totally took me by surprise, because I thought I had by then gotten my lesbian feelings well under control, and that I was on my way to become a bona fide heterosexual. I was a senior in high school at the time, and she was my ciassmate. I was so thoroughly excited at how supremely good it felt to love a woman that I started directly publicizing our relationship in school. That was very naive and foolish of me; my positive attitude toward lesbianism certainly proved to be one of a kind. When my parents found out about it, they took me to lunch one day, and discussed it with me in a restaurant (as unbelievable as it may sound). Throughout the two-hour discussion, the word "lesbianism" never came up-but we certainly knew what we were talking about. They wanted a confession from me that I "will never do it again." They never got a word of remorse from me, but instead I defended my love unequivocally. It is unthinkable to disobey one's parents if you are a properly brought-up Chinese. I am sure that my parents were very hurt as well as indignant. But I had absolutely no shame or guilt. Mine was quite a "gutsy" coming out considering my cultural background and the circumstances. Mylover left me, rather reluctantly, probably because of all the publicity. My family "ostracized" me for a few months. It was emotionally an extremely trying time for me, but I still would not "confess" that I had done anything wrong. Then came the good news that I got a scholarship to attend college. And the whole matter was dropped instantaneously as far as my parents were concerned. They somehow had this illusion that once I went to college, I would "tum a new leaf," that is, I would be able to leave the "bad influence" in my hometown that got me into "perversion." Of course, just the opposite happened once I left home. My long-suppressed lesbian feelings were set free. But most importantly, having gone through the painful experience of being misunderstood (even by one's own dear parents) and condemned-because of a love so powerful and beautiful-I was determined to work for the liberation of all lesbians. If society is so stubborn and blind as to continue its bigoted oppression of lesbians, at least my (our) efforts can inform our sisters that it is not "sinful" or "perverted" to love other women. I am sure that other Chinese lesbians may have quite a different story in terms of self-esteem and pride in their lesbianism. Several years ago, I came into contact with other Chinese lesbians in my hometown for the first time. I then realized that there was an "underground network" oflesbians that I was not aware ofin my high school days. They were mostly high school students from middle-class families. They would meet at private parties since there were not "women's bars" as such. It was a very close-knit and secretive social circle. It took quite a bit of "leverage" for me to "crack in" at first. But I had a hard time blending into the group anyway because they were very much into role-playing. Since feminism apparently hadn't yet made any impact there, they were unaware that they did not have to pattern their relationships upon the sexist structure of a stereotyped heterosexual relationship. It was almost ironic to see how submissive women could be even to other women (i.e., to their male-identified lovers). Perhaps submissiveness is a distinctive characteristic of Chinese women ... but perhaps it is a universal phenomenon among women-we who have been subject to the indoctrination of male "supremacy" since birth. For this reason, I am committed to freeing my sisters from guilt and shame for loving other women. Lesbianism is the ultimate defiance vis-a-vis the SUbjugation of women by men-an oppression that recognizes no racial or cultural boundaries. 0 I Originally printed as Yee Lin, "It Is Unthinkable to Disobey One's Parents ifYou Are a Properly Brought-up Chinese": in Ginny Vida, editor, Our Right to Love (Englewood Cliffs, NJ.: Prentice-Hall, Inc., 1978). Open Hands 19 Black Women. New York: Kitchen Table, cial gay male experience in North Amerton: South End Press, 1983. An autobio1983. ica. graphy in poetry and prose ofgrowing up lesbian with a Mexican mother and an Anglo father. Periodicals Mud Flower Collective. God's Fierce WhimBlack/ Out. The quarterly magazine of the Nonfiction sey. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1985. ChrisNational Coalition of Black LesbiansAllen, Paula Gunn. The Sacred Hoop: Retian feminism and theological education. and Gays. News of particular interest to covering the Feminine in American Indian Black, Hispanic, and white women-a Black lesbians and gay men, and literaTraditions. Boston: Beacon, 1986. A noted mixture of working class, feminists, theoture by lesbian/gay black writers. Write: Native American poet explores a wide logians, and ethicists-address racism, NCBLG, 930 F Street NW-Suite 514, variety of issues related to the history and sexism, homophobia, and classism. Washington, DC 20004. current status of Native American women. Williams, Walter L. The Spirit and the Flesh: Conditions Magazine. Collective-publishedIncludes two chapters with a particular Sexual Diversity in American Indian Culmagazine of writing by women, emfocus on homosexuality in American ture. Boston: Beacon Press, 1986. A leadphasizing writing by lesbians. LatestIndian culture, "How the West Was ing gay historian who is also a professor issue, "13: International Focus I," 1986. Really Won" and 'Hwame, Koshkalaka, ofAmerican Indian studies examines the Write: Conditions, P.O. Box 56, Vanand the Rest: Lesbians in American Native American berdache tradition, whereBrunt Station, Brooklyn, NY 11215. Indian Cultures." by some male tribal members assume Baldwin, James. The Price of the TIcket: "feminine" or "androgynous" social and Collected Nonfiction 1948-1985. New sexual behaviors to exercise spiritual and York: St. Martin'sIMarek, 1985. Contains Organizations educational leadership. One chapter disalmost all of this major gay writer's Asian American Lesbian and cusses the situation of gay Native Ameriimportant nonfiction. Depicts the difGay Men's Network cans in the United States today. ficulty and pain a Black person can face P.D. Box 29627 in trying to forge a clear identity in the Philadelphia, PA 19144 United States. 215/849-4612 Elsasser, Nan; MacKenzie, Kyle; and Tixier y No~ls Gay American Indians Vigil, Yvonne. Las Mujeres: ConverBaldwin, James. Another Country. Originally 1347 Divisadero Street-Suite 312sations from a Hispanic Community. Old published, 1962. New York: Dell, 1985. San Francisco, CA 94115Westbury, N.Y.: The Feminist Press, 1980. ___~ Giovanni's Room. Originally pubTwenty- one New Mexican Women coverNational Association of Black and lished, 1955. New York: Dell, 1985. White Men Together ing four generations recall their experien___. Just Above My Head. Originally ces being Hispanic in their home state. 584 Castro Street-Suite 140 published, 1979. New York: Dell, 1980. Includes one Hispanic lesbian's sharing San Francisco, CA 94114 Walker, Alice. The Color Purple. Originally of her personal "coming out." 415/431-1976 published, 1982. New York: Pocket Books, Gomez, Alma; Moraga, Cherrie; and Romo1983. National Coalition of Black Lesbians and Gays Carmona, Mariana. Cuentos: Stories by 930 F Street NW-Suite 514u tinas.New York: Kitchen Table, Women Washington, DC 20004of Color Press, 1983. Stories of varied 202/265-7117 Poetry Hull, Gloria T.; Scott, Patricia Bell; and experiences of Hispanic women. Allen, Paula Gunn. Shadow Country. Los Paz y Uberacion Smith, Barbara. But Some of Us Are Angeles: University of California, Amer( Third World lesbian/gay Brave: Black Women's Studies. Old Westican Indian Studies Center, 1982. information network) bury, N.Y.: The Feminist Press, 1982. Clarke, Cheryl. U ving as a Lesbian. Ithaca, P.O. Box 600063 Black women, including lesbians, discuss N.Y.: Firebrand Books, 1986. Houston, TX 77260 topics such as racism, sisterhood, black ___. Narratives: Poems in the Tradition of 713/523-9061 Anthologies Beam, Joseph, ed. In the Ufe: A Black Gay Anthology. Boston: Alyson Publications, 1986. In more than 40 short stories, poems, essays, and other works, 29 contributors share the joys, frustrations, and pains of being black and gay, both in a predominantly white heterosexual society and in Black heterosexual sub society. Moraga, Cherrie, and Anzaldua, Gloria. This Bridge Called My Back: Writinp by Radical Women of Color. Originally published, 1981. New York: Kitchen Table, Women of Color Press, 1983. Black, Asian American, Hispanic, and Native American women examine such issues as feminism, homophobia, and racism through prose, poetry, personal stories, and analyses. Smith, Michael J., ed. Black Men/White Men: A Gay Anthology. San Francisco: Gay Sunshine Press, 1983. Forty-three writers and artists explore the Black and interrafeminism, and theology. Joseph, Gloria I., and Lewis, Jill. Common Differences: Conflicts in Black and White Feminist Perspectives. Originally published, 1981. Boston: South End Press, 1986. Examines areas in which Black and white feminist visions often differ-sexuality, men and marriage, mothers and daughters, etc. Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Trumansburg, N.Y.: The Crossing Press, 1984. Eight essays on contemporary liberation struggles by the black lesbian poet, including "Sexism: An American Disease in Blackface." ___. Zami: A New Spelling of My N'ame. Trumansburg, N.Y.: The Crossing Press, 1983. Lorde combines history and myth with autobiography to tell of her personal coming of age, including her realization ofthe force ofwomen working together as "friends and lovers." Moraga, Cherrie. Loving in the War Years. BosWomen of Color Press, 1983. Flores, Angel, and Flores, Kate, eds. Defiant Muse: Hispanic Feminist Poems from the Middle Ages to the Present. New York: The Feminist Press, 1986. Hemphill, Essex. Conditions. Washington, D.C: Be Bop Books, 1986. ___. Earth Ufe. Washington, D.C: Be Bop Books, 1985. Hughes, Langston. The Panther and the Lash: Poems of Our TImes. New York: Alfred A Knopf, 1967. ___. Selected Poems. New York: Vintage Books, 1974. Lorde, Audre. Chosen Poems: Old and New. New York: W. W. Norton, 1982. ___~ Our Dead Behind Us. New York: W. W. Norton, 1986. Parker, Pat. Jonestown and Other Madness. Ithaca, N.Y.: Firebrand Books, 1985. Parkerson, Michelle. Waiting Rooms. Washington, D.C Common Ground Press, 20 Open Hands Empowering Reconciling Ministries ~efirst national convocation of • Reconciling Congregations drew over 100 persons committed to making their local churches truly inclusive, particularly in their ministries with lesbians and gay men. The convocation, entitled "Empowering Reconciling Ministries," was held March 27-29, 1987, in Chicago. The convocation offered participants a unique opportunity to share stories of what was happening in their local churches concerning ministries with lesbians and gay men, to reflect on the biblical/theological foundations of such reconciling ministries, and to plan for mutual support and nurture in this growing movement within the United Methodist Church. The Community Gathered Among the 120 participants at the convocation were representatives of all 22 current Reconciling Congregations. The diversity of the gathered community-gay, lesbian, straight, and bisexual, from different races and cultures-was a model of the inclusive Body of Christ. A further breakdown of participants indicates that they were: 80% laypersons and 20% clergy and 55% women and 45% men. They represented: 51% Reconciling Congregations, 14%potential Reconciling Congregations, 8% UMC general boards and agencies, 6% annual conferences, 6% other denominations, and 15% resource persons. They came from all UM jurisdictions: 35% North Central, 25% Northeastern, 8% Southeastern, 5% South Central, and 25% Western, with 2% from Canada. March 27-29, 1987 Chicago, .&.&'"'.....&v,..." A National Convocation of Reconciling Congregations Encompassing this diversity, a unity of concern and purpose was evident in the times of worship, informal conversation, and formal discussion and planning throughout the weekend. Many participants commented that a highlight of the weekend was the experience of Christian community-"the spirit of community that happened so wonderfully," "the story sharing, sharing each others pains and joys," "dissolution of isolation," "getting strength to support and carry on." The Community Symbolized A significant symbolic activity of the convocation was the cooperative creation of a large banner. Framed by the cross and flame, pink triangle, and green vine (symbols of the Reconciling Congregation Program), the banner was comprised of 16 panels decorated by the various delegations with symbols of their local communities and their aspirations for their churches. A special celebration was held Saturday evening, at which each delegation shared the story illustrated in its panel. One participant noted that the four blank panels at the base of the assembled banner represented not incompleteness but, instead, the promise of other local churches and communities joining the growing movement of Reconciling Congregations. Over the next several months, this banner will be transported to the various Reconciling Congregations for display as a sign of the network that exists between them. The Community in Reflection Several activities during the weekend helped participants to learn more about lesbian/gay concerns within the church and to consider new avenues for reconciling ministries. A Friday afternoon panel consisting of Mary Gaddis and Morris Floyd, cospokespersons of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian! Gay Concerns, and Melvin Wheatley, retired UMC bishop, addressed "Lesbian/Gay Issues in the United Methodist Church: Past and Future." (continued) Open Hands 21 The panelists cited events, initially seen as insignificant in the life ofthe UMC, which have rippled out in !heir ~ffects to be hopeful signs of InclUSiveness of lesbian/gay concerns within the denomination. Four workshops, also held Friday afternoon, dealt with possibilities for r~conciling ministries: I) Homophobia/Human Sexuality Education; 2) AIDS and the Ministry of the Church; 3) Family/Friends of Lesbians and Gay Men and Lesbian/ Gay Youth; and 4) Ritualizing Lesbian/Gay Lives. Each workshop not ~n~y provided information to participants but also stimulated discussion of ministries in these areas already taking place in Reconciling Congrega tions. Tex Sample, professor of church and society at St. Paul School of Theology in Kansas City, addressed the convocation on Friday evening on "Images ofa Reconciling People." Drawing on the Gospel of John and his experience growing up in the South, Sample called on the church to witness to life in the midst of death, to freedom and liberation in the midst of bondage, and to truth in the midst of distortion and lies. He recognized Reconciling Congregations as one form of this witness. On Saturday morning Emilie Townes, on the faculty of GarrettEvangelical Theological Seminary in Evanston, spoke to the convocation on "Linking Homophobia with Other Social Justice Concerns." Townes reminded the audience that the "dynamic that allows a child to exist in poverty is the same one that allows us to fear a gay man or lesbian. That dynamic is sin. ... The link between homophobia and race, ?r sex, or disability, or anything else IS that all forms of discrimination and injustice deny God's grace working in our lives." The Community In Action The convocation also devoted time to planning for the develop~ent of the Reconciling Congregation Program. Various working groups focused on: I) Promoting the Reconcilin~ Congregation Program; 2) Developing Reconciling Minis!ries in a Local Church; 3) Networkl~g among Reconciling Congregations; and 4) Impacting the General Church. The participants developed many recommendations to be taken back to their local churches for consideration and implementation. Among these recommendations were: **Help make the RCP more visible by presenting information on the program at district and annual conference events,' by placing ads and anicles in the press; by promoting subscriptions to Open Hands; and by using the RCP logo on local church stationery. **Provide a resource packet to support and educate congregations interested in the program. **Encourage Reconciling Congregations to develop and implement a program ofeducation f or all ages that opens dialogue on human sexuality with special emphasis on the gift ofsexual diversity. **Designate a Reconciling Congregation Sunday with a special offering. **Provide resources to local churches to i".clude the concerns and celebrations oflesbzans and gay men within the care and nurture ofthe congregation. **Urge Reconciling Congregations to host quarterly events to build community and encourage friendships among all groups and individuals within the local church. **Encourage Reconciling Congregations to become involved in lesbian/gay civil rights concerns in the local community. *.*Exchange newsletters and worship bulletms between Reconciling Congregations. **Encourage annual conferences to become Reconciling Conferences. **Propose that Reconciling Congregations send letters to all clergy within their annual conferences telling about the program. **Suggest that current Reconciling Congregations "adopt" emerging Reconciling Congregations. **Encourage Reconciling Congregations to stud~ the question of the ordination of lesbzans/gay men and consider making a request or stating willingness to accept an openly gay/lesbian pastor. **Insure a visible presence of Reconciling Congregations at the United Methodist General Conference in St. Louis in May 1988. **Provide a resolution to General Conference recommending the Reconciling Congregation Program as a model of ministry and church growth. **Provide a quarterly newsletter (in addition to Open Hands) to disseminate news on activities and happenings within Reconciling Congregations. **Develop a steering or advisory committee for the RCP. For a complete report on all the recommendations presented at the convocation, see your congregation's representative to the convocation or write to the Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, TN 37202. Many of these recommendations will be presented for consideration within the individual Reconciling Congregations. United Methodist Church Officials Respond toCon~tion I nvitations to send obselVers to the Reconciling Congregation convocation and requests for fmancial support provided a flurry of activity within the United Methodist general boards and agencies. This activity was reported extensively in the church and secular press in the weeks preceding the convocation. The General Board of Discipleship, at its February meeting, engaged in a prolonged debate over sending an obselVer to the convocation. At the conclusion of the debate, the board was deadlocked at 36-36. When a second vote also resulted in a tie, the board's president, Bishop George Bashore (Boston Area), cast the deciding vote against sending a representative to the convocation. Bashore cited concern that a positive vote could be construed as "acceptance" of gay men and lesbians. Board members supporting the invitation issued a call for their colleagues to make voluntary contributions to finance the expenses of an unofficial representative of the board. Nancy Starnes of Dallas volunteered to attend the convocation, and over $200 was raised to support her. The General Commission on the Status and Role ofWomen (GCSRW) agreed to provide a $1,000 grant to help subsidize the travel of representatives of Reconciling Congregations to the convocation. Cognizant of the UM law banning funds to "promote the acceptance of homosexuality,"· the commission made this grant from a special endowment fund rather than from World SeJVice funds contributed by local churches. Subsequently the General Council on Finance and Administration (GCFA) invoked the official funding ban for the first time since its adoption in 1976 and vetoed the grant by National program recommendations are being followed up by individuals who volunteered during the weekend along with the program coordinators. The Community Celebrated M ter many hours of work, the convocation closed with opportunities for celebrating all that had happened in the first "almost three years" of the Reconciling Congregation Program. GCSRW. As the reason for its decision, GCFA cited the workshop, "Ritualizing Lesbian/Gay Lives," in which liturgies for blessing lesbian/ gay relationships were to be discussed. However, the council did state that this decision did not effect the use of funds to send observers to the event The general secretary of GCFA, Clifford Droke, stated that "we have directors and staff attending all kinds of events without assuming the agency is necessarily endorsing the outcome." The GCFA action was strongly criticized by Affirmation cospokespersons Mary Gaddis and Morris Floyd. They noted that this decision "illustrates perfectly the dilemma Par. 906.12 of the Discipline creates for the church. It severely limits our church's ability to share resources, to learn, and to be in ministry with all of its people." One other UM agency, the General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns, voted not to send an official representative, and a staff member attended unofficially. Official representatives did attend the convocation from the General Board of Church and Society, the General Board of Global Ministries' National and Women's Divisions, the General Commission on Religion and Race, the General Commission on the Status and Role ofWomen, the National Youth Ministry Organization, and United Methodist Communications. *Paragraph 906.12 of the UM Book of Discipline states that the General Council on Finance and Administration "shall be responsible for ensuring that no board, agency, committee. commission. or council shall give United Methodist funds to any 'gay' caucus or group, or otherwise use such funds to promote the acceptance of homosexuality. The council shall have the right to stop such expenditures." On Saturday evening the local Chicago support team prepared a delicious Indonesian rice table for dinner. This was followed by sharing of songs, stories, and poetry. Each Reconciling Congregation was formally recognized for its decision to join the program. On Sunday morning the convocation affirmed the reports of the various work groups and joined in a litany to claim future promises and hopes for the movement. The convocation concluded by joining together for worship with the host congregation, the United Church of Rogers Park, which is in the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. Convocation participants dispersed with a renewed sense of hope and strength garnered from common joys, pain, and dreams shared during the weekend. Many persons expressed forethoughts of a renewed, vital movement ofGod's spirit within the church. As one participant observed: "This convocation is another watershed event in the history of the United Methodist Church. Its impact may not be swiftly felt by the denomination, but it will be felt. The UMC will never be the same because of the coming together of this group." The Community Remembered Indicative of the historic nature of this gathering, many of the convocation activities were recorded on videotape. In addition to recording the activities of the convocation, interviews with several individuals and groups were taped during the weekend. Mter needed funds are received, the tapes will be edited and produced in a format that can be a resource to Reconciling Congregations, current and emerging, and other individuals and groups concerned with ministries with lesbians and gay men within the church. Audiocassette tapes ofthe following presentations are now available: Forum: Lesbian and Gay Issues in the UMC: Past and Future. "Images of a Reconciling People," by Tex Sample. "Linking Homophobia with Other Social Justice Concerns," by Emilie Townes. These tapes may be ordered for $5.00 each (add $2.00 shipping to each order) from: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, TN 37202. (continued) Open Hands 23 Kairos UMC (Kansas City, Missouri) Regional Workshops Four New Reconciling Kairos was founded in 1970 as an Congregations Provide Training experimental congregation; it is peo'VTe welcome four new Recon~o regional workshops to assist ple-oriented, not building-oriented. ..I. potential Reconciling Con~ciling Congregations since the Kairos began and continues as a gregations were held this winter. In last issue of Open Hands: house church, meeting primarily in Chicago, 45 persons gathered on members' homes. Lay involvement is Dumbarton UMC (Washington, D.C.) February 2, and 15 persons came the focal point of both worship and together in Salem, Oregon, on March study. Kairos is recognized as one of Dumbarton is a congregation of 14, to learn more about the Reconcilnearly 200 active members who comthe highest per capita mission-giving ing Congregation Program and tomute from all around the Washingcongregations in the United Methplan steps for implementing the proton metropolitan area. These memodist Church. gram within their local churches. bers are drawn to Dumbarton for its Kairos is involved in a number of Similar workshops are being diverse local and global ministries ministries and social justice conplanned in other parts ofthe country and its commitment to empowering cerns. The congregation is commitfor fall 1987. If you would like to laypersons in its ministry. Dumbarted to distributing one-half of its assist in planning a workshop for ton worships in a historic building in income beyond the congregation. your annual conference or area, the Georgetown neighborhood. The Kairos supports a number of nawrite to the Reconciling Congregacongregation provides Sunday lunch tional and local missions, people in tion Program, P.O. Box 24213, Nashand clothing for a women's shelter, need, and seminary students. The ville, TN 37202. support for a bilingual learning cencongregation provides communion ter, and space for Mid-Atlantic Affirand fellowship at a boarding home mation and the Dumbarton Concert for disadvantaged and handicapped Reconciling Congregations Series. persons. W.hinglon Sq..-,. UMC Wheaclon UMC As a sanctuary congregation, c/o Don Himpel c/o Carol Larson Trinity UMC (Berkeley, California) 135 W. 4th Street 2212 Ridge Avenue New York, NY 10012 Evanston, IL 60201 Dumbarton sponsors an El Salvadoran refugee, and several members Trinity was established more ...rk Slope UMC Albany ...rk UMC have traveled to Nicaragua. The conthan 100 years ago and still serves c/o Beth Bentley c/o Ted Luis, Sr. 6th Avenue & 8th Street 3100 W. Wilson Avenue gregation also has an active peacenearby campuses (University ofCaliBrooklyn, NY 11215 Chicago, IL 60625 makers group. fornia and the Pacific School of CalyaryUMC IrYing ...rk UMC c/o Chip Coffman c/o David Foster 81 5 S. 48th Street 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Religion) and communities. The Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC congregation was right in the middle Philadelphia, PA 19143 Chicago,lL 60641 (Atlanta, Georgia) ofthe action ofthe tumultuous 1960s Dumbllrton UMC Kalro. UMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook c/o Richard Vogel In spring 1984, after months of and '70s and, with other mainline 31 33 Dumbarton St., NW 6015 McGee Washington, DC 20007 Kansas City, MO 64113 soul-searching and prayer and in an congregations, faced crises of faith Christ UMC at. ...ur.UMC c/o John Hannay c/o George Christie effort to combat decades ofdeclining and questions of direction. From a membership and increasing costs, membership of 1,000 in 1960, a core 4th & I Streets, SW 1615 Ogden Street Washington, DC 20024 Denver, CO 80218 Grant Park UMC and Aldersgate group of 300 persons remains to at. John'. UMC Wesley UMC UMC voted to merge and become enthusiastically face the challenges c/o Howard Nash c/o Patty Oriando 2705 St. Paul Street 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Baltimore, MD 21218 Fresno, CA 9371 0 one congregation. This was both a of today. sad and joyful occasion; it marked Trinity is a sanctuary church and Gl'llnt Park-Aldengate ......nyUMC the end of one era and the beginning houses the offices of the East Bay UMC c/o Kim Smith c/o Sally Daniel 1268 Sanchez Street of another. Sanctuary Covenant. In December 575 Boulevard, SE San Francisco, CA 941 14 The congregation provides space 1986, the congregation opened its Atlanta, GA 30312 Trinitr UMC EdgehHI UMC c/o Elli Norris c/o Viki Matson 2320 Dana Street for the Grant Park Cooperative doors to street people to sleep overLearning Center. It also participates night and provided this service until 1502 Edgehill Avenue Berkeley, CA 94704 Nashville, TN 3721 2 in a community food bank and a the city of Berkeley opened a shelter Sunnyhilla UMC Cenlnl UMC c/o Cliveden Chew Haas community center. The pastor has for the homeless. c/o Howard Abts 335 Dixon Road been involved in ministry with AIDS The congregation entered the 701 West Central at Milpitas, CA 95035 Scottwood Wallingford UMC patients. It was this ministry that led process of becoming a Reconciling Toledo, OH 43610 c/o Chuck Richards Grant Park-Aldersgate to consider Congregation with an intentional UniwenHy, UMC 2115 N. 42nd Street c/o Steven Webster Seattle, WA 98103 1127 University Avenue becoming a Reconciling Congregaplan to provide opportunity for all Capitol Hili UMC tion. members to be involved in study and Madison, WI 53715 c/o Pat Dougherty The church family of 110 memdiscussion. The Reconciling Statew. leyUMC 128 Sixteenth Street East clo Tim Tennant-Jayrle Seattle,WA 98112 bers is small but has witnessed ment written by a working group was Marquette at Grant Street growth in the past two years. Minneapolis, MN 550403 adopted unanimously. 24 Open Hands Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 2 No 4 - Minorites Within a Minority https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/20a099e036e413184a0c8e392f7fcadc.pdf f6f712b49769347c52c9f69826a17e23 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 3 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1987 Publication Date The date the issue was published Summer Text Any textual data included in the document ~~.,. ...syour heart tme to my heart as mine is to yours? .. Ifit Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program A ommunity Emerging And Some ofUs Are Remembering By Mary 10 Osterman ..... ..... . . .. .. .. . ... Page 3 Daring to Be Visible By Morris Floyd .......... .. .. ......... ... . Page 6 Creating New Worlds through Language By Dee McGraw .............. . .. . . .. . . .. .. Page 9 V ol. j • No. I-Summer 1987 Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program ~ P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Lloyd Lewis Viki Matson Graphic Artist Brenda Roth Contributors to This Issues Morris Floyd, Pat Floyd, Ron Gebhardtsbauer, Roger Kruse, Judy Matthews-Taylor, Dee McGraw, Nashville Affirmation, Mary Jo Osterman, Steve Webster Open Hands (formerly Manna for the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription is $1 2 for four isues ($16 outside the U5A) Single copies are available for $4 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Copyright 1987 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 Contents The different liberation movements in U.S. society in the mid20th century have put to rest the notion of America as a "melting pot." Increasingly we realize that our society is an intricate web of interrelated, but distinct communities, each having some different values, heritages, and patterns of behavior, etc. As our contemporary church seeks to be truly reconciling and inclusive, we recognize and celebrate these diverse communities which comprise our family of God. The last issue of Open Hands provided a foundation for understanding and celebrating the ethnic minority lesbian/gay experience. This issue paints the larger picture of the lesbian/gay community which is emerging in our society. Although the visible emergence of the lesbian/gay community is often marked from the Stonewall riots of 1969, Mary Jo Osterman traces earlier roots in "And Some of Us Are Remembering" (p. 3). Osterman also looks at the relationship between the lesbian/gay "culture" and our dominant culture. As any emerging community develops its own social forms and institutions, Morris Floyd reviews different aspects of social organization in the lesbian/gay community since 1969 in "Daring to Be Visible" (p. 6). From a more personal perspective, "Reflections of a Community 'on the Way' " (p. 12) relates excerpts from a conversation with the men and women of Nashville Affirmation on their experience within this emerging community. Communication plays a key role in the development of a community and in the way that we relate to it. Dee McGraw reminds us that we are "Creating New Worlds through Language" (p. 9) as we live in our society and seek to be reconcilers in the church. Finally, in "Keeping the Circle Unbroken" (p. 16), Lloyd Lewis and Viki Matson present concrete steps local churches can take to make gay/lesbian culture and heritage an important, ongoing part of their congregational life. RESOURCES (p. 20) reviews four of the many books on the market portraying various aspects of the lesbian/gay community. In SUSTAININ G THE SPIRIT (p. 18), Pat Floyd offers a "Dialogue with Psalmists" about the despair, anger, and joy that gay men and lesbians often feel. Floyd is a member of Edgehill UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Nashville, Tennessee. Included in this issue's RCP REPORT (p. 22) is an interdenominational listing of more than 100 congregations that have declared their openness to lesbians and gay men. NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Sexual Violence We have previously announced an increase in the subscription price for Open Hands which takes effect with this issue. The annual subscription rate is now $12.00 for four issues within the U.S. Because of greater postage for overseas mailing, subscriptions outside the U.S. will now be $16.00 per year. Single issues may be purchased at $4.00 each. Orders of quantities of 10 or more will be $3.00 each. We regret to have taken this step, but it will help ensure the long-tenn financial viability of our journal. As in the past, inability to pay the subscription price is not a block to receiving Open Hands. 2 Open Hands J~7 hat gives any group " ofpeople distinction and diginity is its culture. This includes a remembrance ofthe past and a setting ofitselfin a world context whereby the group can see who it is relative to everyone else. I have always been bothered by the definition ofhomosexuality as a behavior. Scratching is a behavior. Homosexuality is a way of being, one that can completely influence a person 's life and shape its meaning and direction. -Judy Grahn, Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words. Gay Worlds Boston: Beacon Press, 1984, pp. xiii-xiv. And Some of Us Are Remembering By Mary Jo Osterman o homosexual people have a culture or just a "lifestyle"? Or are gay men and lesbians a subculture of whatever dominant culture they happen to be born into? In the midst of the extremely personal and often painful struggle of individuals to claim identity and to find ways to survive well in spite of hostilities and condemnation, this more theoretical dialogue has emerged within the gay and lesbian literature. Much of the dominant culture would yet have us all believe that gay men and lesbians are simply a deviant part of the human race to be condemned, cured, ostracized, or kept deep in a closet away from "normal" people. Much of the liberal liberation movement, seeking to accept us, would have us believe we are no different from any of them. and many ofus are not different. . . and some ofus are! Culture is what makes a people unique among peoples. History is the tracing of that people's stories, the interpretation they give to their past life and interactions. Black people have a culture and a history. The Chinese have a culture and a history. Russians have a culture and a history. Native Americans have a culture and a history. The aborigines of Australia have a culture and a history. We can read about these cultures/histories in our libraries and study them in most of our universities. Depending on how long a people has been able to claim openly their culture and history and how much has been lost or suppressed, we may have to search diligently for it. Many blank places may be found. And we may not find it in the "regular" places, but segregated into Black studies, Native American studies, women's studies. But what ofthe culture and history ofthose ofus who are gay or lesbian? Some say we don't have a culture. Others say we do. And what difference does it make? In 1978 in Lavender Culture, in a an essay entitled "A Question of Culture: Mirror without Image," Rose Jordon explored lesbian and gay life in the United States prior to the Stonewall riots of 1969 (see article by Morris Floyd, p. 6) and the rise of the lesbian/gay liberation movement. Jordon examined the dress and language codes, the body of rules, the underground network, the environment of lesbian/gay life, all developed to protect the true identities of gay men and lesbians. She especially examined the gay institution of the times, the gay bar. She found that the codes, the rules, the network, the bar, allowed lesbians and gay men to survive in the midst of a hostile world by living double lives. Jordon used a definition of culture by Robert A. LeVine in Culture, Behavior and Personality (1973). Culture is an organized body of rules concerning ways in which individuals in a population should communicate with one another, think about themselves and their environments, and behave toward one another and toward objects in their environments.1 (continued) Open Hands 3 " '. L.Jesbians and gay men are the only group ofpeople that I know who are born into an alien world. They do not grow up in their own culture, among their own people .. .. Once lesbians and gay men are old enough to distinguish themselves from the rest of the world, they come to know many derogatory things that the world teaches about themselves. And they learn to claim themselves anyway with as much pride as they can. " By this definition, Jordon concluded that gay/lesbian people in the pre-Stonewall days had convinced themselves that they had a different lifestyle and a culture that was uniquely lesbian or gay. Yet she noted that that life was still organized around basic patriarchal principles and a philosophy of life learned from the dominant culture (families, schools, religious groups). She also noted that lesbian/gay life still embraced the stereotypes of feminine and masculine roles, that it accepted and developed with lesbian/gay life a class and race structure based on prejudices paralleling the dominant culture. In short, lesbian/gay life "absorbed all the myths, values, and goals of our basic culture and transported them intact into our other world." She concluded that gay men and lesbians had "created a subculture which had at its core only one difference from the rest of society-that was our emotional! sexual orientation toward members of our own gender."2 From Jordon's analysis we must conclude that pre-Stonewall lesbian/gay "culture" was really only lesbian/gay "lifestyle" that society tolerated because it kept gay men and lesbians separated and subjugated. Lesbians and gay men had simply duplicated the dominant culture within their hidden world, substituting only the gender of their sexual partners. Jordon went on to examine post-Stonewall gay/lesbian life and concluded that by and large it still lacked a distinct culture, though some did seek to examine race, gender, and class assumptions. Yet, as Jordon noted in 1978 (and I believe is still true almost ten years later), much of the gay/lesbian world incorporates much of the dominant society's attitudes about class, race, power, money, status, pornography, and violence. Accepting those rules, many lesbians and gay men are still "out to get a bigger piece of the pie, when in fact the whole pie is rotten.") Jordon concluded that, even though the rise of the gay/lesbian liberation movement had brought us some victories, gay/lesbian life was in fact even more entrenched in the dominant culture because now lesbians and gay men were actively seeking acceptance into that culture. She observed that change cannot usually take place once a group is included, because none of the basic rules have changed. Therefore, she concluded, Until we can honestly realize that we must dispense with the unrewarding values ofa particular culture and not join it to reinforce its status quo-only then will we be able to transcend that society and create a new culture based upon the values we claim will make it a uniquely "gay" culture.4 Are lesbians and gay men simply duplicating the dominant culture with one minor change? Do those of us who are lesbian or gay have to create our own culture in reaction to the one into which we were born? Or do we, as Judy Grahn suggests, have a culture, suppressed but uniquely ours and handed down through the ages? Grahn, in Another Mother Tongue, traces pieces of gay/lesbian culture backwards from some ofthe current derogatory language and stereotypes. In her journey back in time she uncovered older meanings of such words as dyke, faggot, pansy, purp le, lavender, queer, fairy, bulldyke, drag queen, and many more. In recovering the meanings of the words, she rediscovered the stories, the traditions, the older tribal memories so long protected from a hostile world. She discovered a history rich in ceremony, prestige, respect. Does this mean that gay men and lesbians today do have a culture? and many of us don 't . .. and some of us do! If we compare lesbians and gay men with other identifiable groups within our society, we note an important feature. Lesbians and gay men are the only group of people that I know who are born into an alien world. They do not grow up in their own culture, among their own people. Most are born into the patriarchal, heterosexist, racist, classist, and otherwise extremely prejudicial world ofthe dominant culture. In spite of the prejudices that deny lesbians and gay men their identity, somehow they come to know themselves. And they come to find each other. Once lesbians and gay men are old enough to distinguish themselves from the rest of the world, they come to know many derogatory things that the world teaches about themselves. And they learn to claim themselves anyway with as much pride as they can. And some lesbians and gay men know other things ... things they were never taught ... perhaps tribal memories faintly recalled? Last spring, during the national Affirmation meeting in Nashville, a group oflesbians were gathering for breakfast before going to church. We began to talk about dress, how we dressed alike and differently. Some of us began to tell each other how we had always dressed "differently" even as young girls, before we knew who we were. We recalled how we thought the way we dressed was perfectly natural and normal, but how others commented on its queerness. And I remembered then the General 4 Open Hands Commission on the Status and Role of Women homophobia seminar in Chicago, where one gay man shared his desire to cross-dress and how proud he felt when he looked into the mirror and saw his feminine side. How did we know to dress like that? And why? and many no longer know why . . . and some ofus are remembering! Grahn describes the dyke who dresses differently, copying her brothers, her father. Or later, noting that all lesbians are beginning to look like her brothers, the dyke develops yet another way of dressing. And we learn that "dike" means the balance, the path. We learn that Dike (the goddess granddaughter of old Gaia) was the keeper of the balance of the forces in the Old Religions. We learn that one of the social/ceremonial functions of dykes is to provide another way of being a woman. And another. And yet another. And Grahn tells us of the long traditions of cross-dressing among gay men in many of the old cultures (e.g., in numerous Native American tribes and in the religious festivals ofthe Middle Ages).5 She tells us of the days when men and women who cross-dressed were held in high esteem as the priests, the shamans, the medicine women, the healers, the namers. Grahn determines that a major function of homosexual people "is to cross over between" different worlds in order to reveal them to each other.° She also concludes that, though most people ofa distinct group will become assimilated to the dominant culture, always a few will remain at the heart and keep the old ways. For lesbians and gay men, these are the "blatantly Gay, the drag queens and bulldykes," those who maintain the most extreme, the most nearly ceremonial Gay ways.7 Within this group, says Grahn, lie the clues to gay culture and ancient gay traditions. They are carriers of past gay/lesbian culture. Those of us in the church-both lesbian/gay and heterosexual-often view blatantly lesbian/gay people as distasteful. However, if we don't come to know the blatant ones, if we try to quash them, if we refuse to hear them-we destroy the possibility of a continuous heritage of lesbian/ gay culture. Do gay men and lesbians have a culture? Yes and no. Rose Jordon's portrayal of the lesbian/gay world is true to my experience: much of it is a world ofpeople living a slightly different lifestyle, with the only difference being the gender ofpersons' sexual partners. In most other ways, the world of lesbians and gay men parallels the dominant patriarchal world. Most lesbian/gay persons seek to be accepted into that world as it is; they are not trying to change it in any fundamental way. Most simply want to move up the economic, social ladder of success; they want to secure a better place for themselves. Lesbians and gay men are not trying to create a new culture with a new set of rules by which everyone might live more humanely. They just want a bigger piece of a rotten pie. and many ofus have forgotten who we were meant to be And Grahn is right also. Lesbians and gay men do have a history. She, has uncovered bits and fragments of lost cultures where lesbians and gay men were accepted and held in high ceremonial religious esteem. And some of us who are lesbian or gay remember and carry on the traditions. Each historical fragment retrieved and each ceremonial lesbian or gay man who carries on the high function of crossing-over gives all lesbian/gay people more dignity and helps to break down the rigid gender roles created by the patriarchy. Grahn has brought to light for us lesbians' and gay men's ancient position as classic outsider, as the alien, the exile, the shaker and mover, the sacred clown, critic, mirror, goat, shaman/priest, developer of another way. Lesbians and gay men are the transformers in society, the ones who think in "both/and" terms, rather than "either/ or." Lesbians and gay men see inner and outer, strong and tender, male and female, Black and White ... and all the wondrous things between the poles. They are transformers with double vision, says Grahn, standing at the crossroads intent on pointing out possibilities.s and some have always known . .. and some are remembering Fragments of gay and lesbian cultures have been handed down to us. A few lesbians and gay men keep the old ways; some know why and many don't. Most seek simply to be accepted. Yet, those of us who are lesbian or gay avidly learn the old stories and linger over the sacred names as ways to deepen our sense of identity and to strengthen our bonds with each other and with all those who have gone before us. And we watch constantly for those ceremonial few who are always among us! 0 "'7" .J.. hose ofus in the church-both lesbian/gay and heterosexual-often view blatantly lesbian/gay people as distasteful. However, ifwe don't come to know the blatant ones, if we try to quash them, ifwe refuse to hear them-we destroy the possibility ofa continuous heritage oflesbian/gay culture. " REFERENCES I Rose Jordon. "A Question of Culture: Mirror without Image"; in Karla Jay and Allen Young. cds, Lavender Culture (New York: Jove Publications, 1978). p. 445. 2Ibid, pp. 446, 447. 3Sonia Johnson. speech given at Women's Center Conference, Washington, D.C., fall 1983.) 4Jordon, "A Question of Culture,~ p. 4. 5 Judy Grahn, Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words. Gay Worlds (Boston: Beacon Press, 1984), pp. 55-57.95-96. 6Ibid, p. 47-48. 7Ibid, p. 86. 8Ibid, pp. 273-78. Mary Jo Osterman is co-director of Kin h eart. Jnc.. in Evanston. Illinois, where she is responsible for Kinheart:5 Program on Sex:uality and Homophobia. She is the author of Homophobia Is a Social Disease and co-author ofThe Lesbian Relationship Handbook. She is a member of Wheadon UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Evanston. Open Hands 5 - -IIr • __ _ ___ _ __ .J r _ I • ./W . ./.. r • I •• J, •••• ,. 'I •••. .1 . I-----~ TBy Morris Floyd he titles of two pieces by the Twin Cities [Gay] Men's Chorus aptly capture the paradoxical ... --~ ~• , . .. .Ir.__ , -~_ 11 _ , . .. ,. ,.. 11 JJ I.. . ~ ~ . , .... ..." • I • Bilitis, founded in 1955-primarily devoted themselves to finding ways for gay men and lesbians to "fit in" to the •I, I l state of the lesbian/gay experience today: "Singing to the World" and "Eulogy." Lesbian/gay communities are in a peak period ofopenness, even celebration; they are also in a period of deep mourning for lovers, friends, and family members who have died of AIDS. New opportunities for openly gay/lesbian people seem to appear almost daily; new challenges find their way into lesbian/gay consciousness at the same time: living with the twin realities of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) and an equally deadly backlash of antigay attitudes and violence spawned by fear of AIDS and nurtured by those who would manipulate that fear. That is the context for a review of changes among gay men and lesbians over the last two decades. To attempt such a review is a task I approach with some wariness. I have grown from young to middle adulthood over that time span, guaranteeing sUbjectivity to my reflections. Particularities other than my being gay also establish their own limits: gender, race, socioeconomic status, geography. The beginning of the modern movement for lesbian/ gay liberation is often dated from the Stonewall riots in the summer of 1969. Those riots occurred when a group of men who patronized a gay bar in Greenwich Village in New York City decided that they had put up with enough police harassment. The Mattachine Midwest Newsletter of July 1970 described the events: When the New York Police entered and closed the Stonewall Club during the early morning hours of June 28 a year ago, it must have at first seemed like a rerun of a segment of that old, worn-out Official Harassment Story. But this time things were different; the evicted patrons didn't follow the usual script. Instead, throwing rocks and bottles and chanting "Gay Power," they reacted against years of harassment with an explosion of pentup angry frustration. I The riot and subsequent demonstrations were a marked change from the style of gay/lesbian interaction with the society at large up until that time. Until Stonewall, most gay men and lesbians in New York and elsewhere had silently accepted police harassment-worried that resistance would mean public exposure and, very likely, the loss ofjob, family, housing, etc. What few gay/lesbian activists there were-notably, the gay male Mattachine Society, formed in 1951, and the lesbian Daughters of 6 Open Hands larger culture. As Henry Hay, a founder ofthe Mattachine Society put it, they operated from 1953 to 1959 from the perspective that gay men and lesbians are "exactly the same as everybody else, except in bed.,,2* In the almost 20 years since Stonewall, increasing visibility is perhaps the single most important factor in describing the difference in lesbian/gay lives. This visibility now makes it impossible for institutions such as the church to ignore the presence of those of us who are lesbian or gay. In turn, each time those institutions acknowledge our presence, even when that recognition is hostile, we are given yet another opportunity to speak up, ifonly to protest injustice. Each time a lesbian or gay man appears in a public way, it puts another dent in the stereotypes that shore up homophobic attitudes. But the impact of this increased visibility has been at least as great on lesbian/gay communities as It has been on the institutions that react to a lesbian/gay presence. Since Stonewall, lesbians and gay men have, in many ways, been building a culture. Though the lesbian/ gay community may not meet the strict academic definition of a culture, lesbians and gay men have been creating separate communities ofsupport with some ofthe trademarks of a separate culture. Denied by default or design the ability to be themselves and to be respected in most institutions of the society at large, lesbians and gay men have been building their own institutions. Told that their love "dare not speak its name," lesbians and gay men have been creating places where that love and their relationships are valued and affirmed. One important mechanism of that visibility has become the lesbian/gay pride events that have sprung up around the country. In major cities such as New York, San Francisco, and Los Angeles, these events regularly draw hundreds of thousands ofpeople, who come not only for a parade but also for festivals, concerts, and a variety of other activities. The spirit is not all that different from the county fairs of another era. Even more important is the *Not all gay/lesbian activism was so assimilation-centered. Prior to Stonewall, Franklin Kameny, a Washington. D.C., gay activist. had begun to articulate the then-radical notion that the establishment needed to be pushed to see lesbians and gay men as they are, to acknowledge the wholeness of their identity and to disavow the notion that homosexuality is a pathological condition. Kameny held that gay men and lesbians were themselves the experts on their lives and that they ought to speak for themselves about their experiences as often as possible. I fact that lesbian/gay pride events can be found in dozens ofmedium-sized cities all over the United States, as well as in large urban centers. The Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC) is a premier example of another institution that lesbians and gay men have been creating. Though frequently described as a "gay church," MCC is a denomination with a worldwide, urban and rural outreach that welcomes all persons. In many places, the MCC congregation is virtually the only place gay men and lesbians can gather in openness with one another. Many gay men and lesbians, however, prefer to retain their connection to the tradition in which they were raised or to another "mainline" denomination, however problematic that denomination's attitudes toward homosexuality may be. Within most ofthese denominations can be found a special place in which lesbians, gay men, their families and friends have found haven and from which they provide a ministry of presence and challenge to their own churches. The names of several of these groups speak eloquently oftheir role among gay/lesbian people of faith: Acceptance (Southern Baptist); Affirmation (both United Methodist and Mormon groups); Dignity (Roman Catholic); Fidelity ( a nondenominational fundamentalist group); Identity (Christian Science); Integrity (Episcopal); Kinship (Seventh-Day Adventist). Some groups, such as the United Church Coalition for Lesbian and Gay Concerns and the Unitarian Universalist Lesbian/Gay Caucus, have more or less official standing as a specialinterest group within their denomination, but most exist on the margins of their church with little or no access to power and with varying levels of influence. Even a casual look at a guidebook to gay/lesbianrelated services and businesses reveals that religious groups are far from the only or the most numerous evidence ofgay/lesbian institutions. Many cities have gay/ lesbian community services centers, organizations, or hotlines that provide information and access to the myriad of available opportunities for social and service involvement. In some places, these centers provide a full range of social services from counseling to job placement to screening and treatment for sexually transmitted diseases. Senior Action in a Gay Environment (SAGE) has pioneered in efforts to serve and empower lesbian/gay senior citizens. More than 500 self-help programs (such as Alcoholics Anonymous), counseling centers, youth programs, and chemical-dependency treatment programs provide a specialized outreach to persons whose gay/ lesbian expression might make it impossible for them to be effectively served otherwise. Gay/lesbian support groups can be found on the campuses of many universities and professional schools. Groups for lesbian/gay business and professional people abound. Teams of gay/ lesbian athletes can be found at softball and football fields, swimming pools, bowling alleys, marathon courses, and the Olympic-style Gay Games. Nor are the performing arts excluded from the institutionalization of lesbian/gay culture. Theatrical groups such as Theater Rhinoceros in San Francisco and O. Wilde Productions in Minneapolis provide arenas for the gay/lesbian community to look at itself and reflect on its experiences. Gay/lesbian marching bands exist in a dozen or more cities, and more than two dozen choral groups perform in the premier concert facilities of their cities. These many expressions of the gay/lesbian community have an influence far beyond the people they touch directly because of the ways that they provide visibility and therefore a reassurance of self-worth to all lesbians and gay men who know about them. Increased visibility has also had its impact on bars, perhaps the oldest institutions in gay/lesbian culture. Since at least the 19th century, gay men and lesbians have used the bars as much more than places for liquid refreshment. In fact, bars have played much the same role in gay/lesbian culture that churches have played for much of their history in this country: Gay and lesbian bars have been the centers at which people gather to meet one another, to discuss the important issues of the day and mark major events of their personal lives. In previous generations, many bars were located in rather seamy locations and could best be described as dark dives. More recently, bars have literally been opening up. Where formerly there would have been a wall of smoked glass, clear glass may now look out on the street. Perhaps more important, lesbian and gay bars are increasingly owned by members ofthose communities themselves. These owners, along with a growing number of heterosexuual owners of gay/lesbian bars, often express a sense of obligation to put back into the community some of the profits gained from the people who spend their money there. Rather than functioning as exploiters of a largely hidden and oppressed group, they contribute money, energy, time, and use of their facilities to enable the healthy growth of their community. As these institutions have emerged, an unfortunate fact is that lesbians and gay men have exhibited much of the same exclusivist behavior as the rest of society. Many, if not most, lesbian/gay bars, religious groups, clubs, and (continued) Open Hands 7 social networks remain segregated along racial, gender, and economic lines. Many middle-class, professional, White gay males, for example, have trouble being sensitive to the special concerns of women, persons of color, or those with less money or education than themselves. Partly as a result, and partly out of the necessity to serve their own needs, lesbians, Blacks, and others have created institutions of their own-for example, women's coffee houses in many cities, the National Coalition of Black Lesbians and Gay Men, and the Asian American Lesbian and Gay Men's Network. Though most lesbian/gay institutions are primarily in urban areas, it should not be concluded that lesbians and gay men are primarily city-dwellers. In fact, many are moving out of cities to smaller communities. With their identity and self-image now solidly formed, some are looking for the calmer pace of "exurbia." The gay or lesbian resident of a small town can read about all that is going on in the distant medium-or large-sized cities in the more than 500 gay/lesbian publications. Many of these people make a point to travel to locations like San Francisco, New York, Los Angeles, Key West, or Provincetown, where they can experience a concentration of gay/lesbian culture and social activities. They give generously to support a dozen or more national lobbying, legal advocacy, and political action organizations such as the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, the Lesbian Rights Project, and the Human Rights Campaign Fund. Since 1981, the AIDS epidemic has been a major element ofincreased visibility for gay men at least. From a global perspective, of course, AIDS primarily affects heterosexual persons. But, due to happenstance, the disease gained its North American and European entry in the gay and bisexual male population, where it was first recognized. By 1984, when the disease began to be taken seriously in North America by people outside the gay community, its connection with that community was indelibly marked in the general public's mind. Gay men have been forced by the presence of a deadly sexually transmitted disease in their midst to look carefully at issues they might otherwise have ignored, including re-examining many of their values. This reexamination is especially evident with respect to sexuality and sexual behavior. Social stigma has long been responsible for a situation in which there have been very few ways to express one's identity as a gay man. For some gay men, that expression has taken the form of frequent, often anonymous, sexual activity with different partners. AIDS has made reconsideration of this kind of sexual activity mandatory, since persons who have large numbers of anonymous partners are especially likely to become infected. Because so many gay men are already infected by the AIDS virus, however, limiting the number of one's sexual partners is not adequate to prevent transmission of infection. Risk reduction also has required major changes in the specific sexual activities in which gay men engage. Any losses gay men may feel over the necessity of revising sexual behavior, however, are dwarfed by the other losses they face because of AIDS: threats to their civil and human rights as persons perceived to be at risk for the disease; the roller coaster ride of hope alternating with despair inherent in conflicting research reports; the 8 Open Hands loss of attractiveness, strength, independence, and dignity felt or feared by those living with infection by the AIDS virus; the deaths of thousands of lovers, family members, and friends, and the probability that hundreds of thousands more will die over the next five or ten years; the incalculable pain in the loss of a long-sought relationship with that "special someone." But AIDS has also been the occasion for unprecedented demonstrations of individual and community concern, showing strength and resilience previously unacknowledged either within or outside the gay/ lesbian community. Long before public health or other officials understood the seriousness of AIDS, gay men and lesbians in many communities had begun developing mechanisms to provide care for those who were ill and to educate their friends about how to avoid acquiring or transmitting an infection. Though this contribution is still largely unacknowledged outside the gay/lesbian community, it is appropriately a source of tremendous pride. Nor has the gay/lesbian community effort diminished as other portions of the society have begun to respond. We can all hope that pride will counter many of the negative messages and at least some of the loss. AIDS is not a phenomenon that could have been predicted or controlled. Nevetheless, it does remind us all of the basic fact that the greatest changes in the gay/ lesbian community have resulted from decisions to actthe decision almost 20 years ago of a handful of gay men in the Stonewall Club not to put up any longer with police harassment; the decision of first dozens, then hundreds, then thousands of gay and bisexual men in this decade not to surrender to the threat of a deadly disease. These decisions are paradigms for choices individual lesbians and gay men make every day as they decide whether and how to come out to family, friends, co-workers; what kinds of relationships they will form; what objectives they will set for educational and professional endeavors; how they will spend whatever time remains in their lives. Clearly lesbians and gay men have made important substantial gains since Stonewall-in establishing their own communities, their own institutions, their own identities. There is much still to be accomplished, of course. As noted above, racism, sexism, and economic elitism remain powerful forces in much of the lesbian/gay community. Many lesbians and gay men retain realistic or unrealistic fears of being too visible. Many heterosexual (and even some homosexual) persons continue to agree with the 1950s perception that all that makes gay men and lesbians different is what they do in bed. Nevertheless, the message should be clear: Those of us who are lesbian or gay are, as a group, not going to be invisible ever again. We now dare to speak our name, and we will continue to speak it proudly. 0 REFERENCES IQuoted in James W. Cheseboro, ed .. Gayspeak (New York: Pilgrim Press, 1981), p. 238. 2Quoted in Jonathan Katz, Gay American History (New York: Avon Books, 1978), p. 627. Morris Floyd is a member ofthe California-Pacific Annual Conference ofthe United Methodist Church. He lives in Minneapolis and is one of the official spokespersons for Affinnation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Words do not exist in a vacuum. They are spoken and written by human beings who want to communicate with one another. When any of us, as human beings, exchange conversation, our words and sentences transmit meaning, conveying the thoughts, impressions, and feelings of one of us to one or more others. Sometimes, the response is a delighted, "Oh, I see what you mean!" and sometimes a dismayed, "No, that's not what I meant at all." In either case, however, the dynamic is the same: one of us is attempting to put meaning into words and to communicate that meaning to others. By Dee McGraw As Christians who are committed to reconciling ministries within our local churches, our denominations, and Christianity and society in general, we must always bear in mind this basic truth about communication. An important key to bridging gaps and building understanding between lesbian/gay and heterosexual personsor between any frequently separated groups of people-is using language that reconciles, rather than consciously or subconsciously alienates. For communication to happen, words cannot rest passively within a dictionary but must play in the spaces between people. As the philosopher Paul Ricoeur has explained, an "event" happens."! Standing behind this event are some key assumptions. Most obviously, those of us who are trying to communicate must speak the same language. Not only must our sounds and phonetic combinations translate into given words, but those words must be understood in the same way by all persons involved. I remember with a bit of embarrassment the bewildered looks on the faces of a group of Oriental students in a Freshman English class I once taught when I instructed the class to "brainstorm" an assignment. They had dutifully looked up brain and storm in their dictionaries but finally had to come (continued) Open Hands 9 ask me what my bizarre metereological instructions might mean. Similarly, I suspect, many of our "lovers' quarrels" and hurt feelings arise because we assume we have a shared interpretation or value when that is not, in fact, the case. I know that I often have to look a friend in the eye and say, ''I'm sorry. I jumped to conclusions; I misunderstood what you meant." But communication does not stop here. Language does not just reflect understanding; it creates new understanding. When we exchange ideas, we often come to new insights and shape new decisions. By our mutual understanding, we create a new reality. In a White church, for example, a shared common reality may be prejudice and racial exclusion, but after a Bible study series and a pulpit exchange with a neighborhood Black congregation, new understanding and inclusion may be created. In a powerful way, it is the communication of these two congregations that serves as the vehicle for new insights and, ultimately, the new world they create for worship and community. This new creation is possible because, when we communicate, we are each able to express our individual experiences to the others, enabling all involved to become aware of experiences of reality besides our own. Though one of us cannot experience the life of another, no matter how intimate the two ofus are, we can each tell what our individual lives mean to us. Each of our worlds is then expanded. In this way, words are "performatives," to use Ricoeur's terminology They do something by their being spoken or written. A familiar example is the pledge "I promise"; by vocalizing or writing the words, the communicator commits the promise. The same is true for blessings, warnings, and commands. Indeed, Ricoeur claims, all discourse is performative: an event happens in which a new reality is created. Language creates a world. According to Ricoeur, this phenomenon is especially powerful through written texts, in which a message becomes fixated for a potentially universal audience. No longer is an event limited to an exchange between individuals at a given place at a given time. Instead, it is available to any person of any time who picks up the publication. (Of course, if un10 Open Hands derstanding is to occur, the author and the reader must share a common language and a common perception of the reality underlying the text.) A reader can respond to a text in one of two ways: by merely comprehending the information that has been read, or by appropriating it, making it his or her own. Ifthe latter is chosen, the reader is inevitably changed. The world of the text-along with the values, assumptions, and judgments-is accepted as the reader's own. Words, then-whether written or spoken-are not mere words, because they represent our worlds and our ways of being. Advertisers have known this for years, so when they name a car a Monte Carlo or a perfume Obsession, they are using those words to hook us into a world in which we want to live and to make us believe that using that product can place us there. Behind any language stands shared cultural mythologies that define us, telling us who we are. Consider the epithets "Uncle Tom" and "Commie." These insults would be meaningless without the assumptions about reality and the histories that stand between them. Consider, too, the implications behind an axiom like "ladies first." This seemingly benign rule ofconduct assumes certain truths about males and females and how they are to relate to each other. So, when we teach our children manners, we are giving them their world view. Usually, the world that stands behind our language-our rules, nicknames, stereotypes, idioms, and labelsis unconscious and unexamined. But it is nevertheless powerful. In a very real way, it creates us as a community. We share stories, legends, myths, and slang. We have a common memory and a projected future; that is, we share a world. Furthermore, we pass that world along to each generation. As the philosopher Eric Heller has written, "Be careful how you interpret the world; it is like that.,,2 This chilling thought impels us to look more closely at our language. What is the world we are projecting for ourselves and future generations? The world in which we live may have been created out of half truths, lies, misunderstandings, and errors, but nevertheless, it is our reality now. And each time we use words like faggot and bulldyke, we perpetuate a world in which certain persons have standing and power while others are to be ridiculed and despised. For us, who together form the church, this realization is crucial. The prophetic function of the church is to create a new way ofbeing, the new age that Jesus inaugurated. The only way this can happen is for our reality to be changed. The foundation of this change is within our hearts as we allow ourselves to be conformed to the spirit of the Christ. Then, and only then, can we begin to give ourselves to the task of transforming the world. Since language is both a vehicle and a shaper of culture, we must change our language if we want lasting change in our world. This begins with intentional awareness of the language we now use. We must ask, "Is our language reconciling?" The word reconciliation is from a Latin word meaning "to meet." It implies that what has been apart meets. To be a reconciling congregation or a reconciling individual means that we somehow take two opposing worlds and bring them together. We take our contemporary understanding of reality and bring it closer to the reality preached by Jesus the Christ. At the same time, we heal the breach between opposing viewpoints and views of the world. As I have explained, we must be able to communicate with each other if such healing is to happen. This is a difficult task, especially if we use language that is nonreconciling-that fixes us in our old world rather than moves us toward a new age. Such language does not offer a challenge for growth or a cutting edge. It refers to a reality that is cruel and damaging. Use of sexist terminology, for example, acts to keep us in a world in which female identity is subsumed within the male, a world in which chairs of committees, congressional representatives, firefighters, and police officers are all male. We may claim with all sincerity that we mean everyone when we use a word like mankind, but the world out of which that language emerged and the subliminal world it creates is a world where "men are men" and where we "put the little lady on a pedestal." It is a world in which leaders and public officials are indeed male. Nonreconciling language can be separated into at least four categories. These differentiations can be easily seen by examining language that is often used in relationship to homosexuality. One category of nonreconciling language is abusive language. Words like queer label and judge. This kind of talk sets up two opposing worlds and forbids "them" from entering "our" world. It creates a world of exclusion and violence. It implies hierarchies of worth and acceptability. And abusive language is not limited to biased heterosexuals; gay men and lesbians are often guilty ofcritical language against the heterosexual world. Such talk may be understandable, but it is not reconciling. Another category of nonreconciling language is insider language. Oppressed groups usually create their own vocabularies and their own interpretations of the outside world's vocabularies. Thus, it is that dyke is a common insult when used ofa lesbian by a heterosexual, but it is a label of pride to a homosexual woman who accepts and enjoys her identity. This is because this word refers to a different reality for a lesbian than for a homophobic man or woman. Judy Grahn, in Another Mother Tongue, says, "I have explored words such as faggot, fairy, bulldike, and so on. These words have a far different meaning for Gay people than they have for straight people in general . . . This is because heterosexual people have a different mindset from Gay people ....,,3 Once again, insider language is understandable, much more so than abusive language. Oppressed groups must create and maintain a safe place, and it is necesary for them to retreat to this place for nurturing, empowerment, and re-creation. Nevertheless, this language is nonreconciling. It deliberately shuts "them" out of "our" world, creating a defensive, separatist world. A third category of nonreconciling language is authority language. This type of language is frequently found in condemning theological talk, pseudopsychological jargon, and abusive legal decisions-for example, in statements about gay men and lesbians being saved from the sin of homosexuality or in legislation forbidding homosexuals from teaching school or seeking apartments in certain parts of town. This language presumes that "we" have the truth about "them." It circumscribes "our" world as correct, pre-ordained, and God-given and creates a world of arrogance and judgment. Itjustifies harassment, loss of civil rights, and condemnation, all in the name of authority. The fourth and final category of nonreconciling language is at the same time the least obvious and consequently the most insidious and damaging. It is silence. Much of the time, homosexuality is discreetly overlooked and not named. It is left out of most sex education classes and is referred to with euphemisms by polite society. Most of us grew up with unmarried aunts or uncles, neighbors, or teachers who lived with a "friend" and were protected by a veil of wellmeaning silence. For generations, homosexuality has been referred to as "the love that dare not speak its name." Silence allows violence and discrimination to go unchallenged. It perpetuates myths and stereotypes. Worse still, it leaves gay men and lesbians without community or affirmation and confused about their identity. Itcreates shame and shuts off the possibility of healthy development and positive self-image for young homosexuals struggling with sexual identity. A recent Open Hands article detailed one lesbian's pain of being constantly told, "Just be invisible." What would truly reconciling language be, and how can we create it? We must begin by examining our cultural mythologies and assumptions. We all carry unconscious racism, sexism, and prejudice, and so the awareness process is painful, but we must look honestly at ourselves, our worship services, and our conversation. Do they perpetuate a distorted world view? Is the world that they project true? Is it a place in which we want to live? Most important, what new reality does it call into being? Language is a potent force in our culture. It carries our heritage, and, moreover, it brings new worlds into being. According to one of our treasured stories, the God of creation spoke and transformed a watery chaos, first into light and then into life. As reconciling people, may we say of the worlds we have spoken into being, "That is very good." 0 REFERENCES 1Paul Ricoeur. Interpretation Theory (Ft. Worth: Texas Christian University Press, 1976), 2Quoted in Sallie McFague, Models of God (Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1987), p. 28. 3Judy Grahn, Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words, Gay Worlds (Boston: Beacon Press, 1984), p. xiii. Dee McGraw is a third-year divinity student at Vanderbilt Divinity School in Nashville. In her discussion ofPaul Ricoeur's language theory, she relies on classroom lectures. discussion, and readingfrom a Vanderbilt Divinity School course, "Homiletics and Hermeneutics," taught by Professor David Greehaw. Open Hands 11 O n a gray, damp Sunday in February, several members of Nashville Affinnation met in a cozy suburban condominium to talk about our lives together. We had a list ofquestions to get the group thinking and talking about what it means to be a part ofa community. The questions generally could be grouped into three categories: What do we gain f rom being in a community? How does being a part ofa community help us live in the world? and How does community help us grow? We talked for three hours while a tape recorder whirred away. Many persons' thoughts are reflected in this compilation of these comments that were made. The longer we talked, the more we realized that we are not alone. We are a community with both a common unity and a wildly happy diversity. Our community is not done. We are "on the way "; we are still in the process ofbecoming. Other communities' experiences will be differentf rom ours. However, we offer our memories, insights, hopes, andf ears as a gift-an important part of our celebration ofgay/lesbian history and culture. We want to thank especially one member of our community, Tom Burgess, who spent innumerable hours transcribing the tape, sometimes barely audible, other times garbled by the enthusiasm and emotions of the speakers. We are not alone, and we do not want any ofyou-lesbian/gay or heterosexual-to be alone either. 12 Open Hands YOU ARE MY PEOPLE: How we become who we are. M any people in our group talked about times in their lives that were "turning points" for them. Those turning points were times when they, often for the first time, ~ere able to identify with other lesblan/ gay people. Over and over again, persons talked about and resonated with the powerful phrase, "You are my people." Because of being able to identify with a particular community, being gay or lesbian b~came an entirely different expenence than it would have been ifthey had been gay or lesbian alone. Here are illustrative comments from two persons in Nashville Affirmation: We must form a community for ourselves. A community tells us who we are and who we can become. The last time National Affirmation met in Nashville [March 1981} was just after I had a relationship end. I really was not certain ifrelationships were for me or what was to happen next. I had for the first time a really strong sense at the meeting of those people being my people. I continue offa.nd on of having the experience of that being the turning point in my life as a lesbian. A man in the group also shared one of his experiences at that national meeting several years ago, an "aha experience" that for the first time for him emphasized that "we're in this together." The Saturday night ofthe meeting the men and women met separately at Scarritt Graduate School [then Scarritt College}. The night watchman came to the door of where the men were meeting. He told us that the switchboard had received a call from the Ku Klux Klan. The Klan would be waiting for us when we left the meeting to show us that no 'faggots' were going to gather in Nash ville. I remember that there was a little guy sitting next to me. In our culture he would have been called a 'queen. ' I knew that ifanyone would be a targetfor the Klan it would be him. For the first time in my life, I felt that ifsomething violent were to happen, I would protect him with all the resources I had. This was the first time that I felt, 'Hey! These men really are my people, and nobody is going to hurt them.' The experience of finding a people does not lead to the "you and me against the world" attitude or style of being in the world. Rather, as we talked, we were overwhelmed by the remarkable awareness: "Because of you, it is easier for me to be in the world. We're in this thing together." Several persons talked about self-acceptance and pride that comes from being a part of an affirming community: Bef ore becoming a part of Affirmation, I began to believe all the stereotypes and crap heterosexuals and the dominant culture were saying about gay men and lesbians. I started accepting and acting out those stereotypes. Being gay was really a 'sick' thing to be. Then I met you all. Now, I know that gay people aren't strange, just wonderfully different. I believe that Affirmation brought on that change. " Affirmation, as an affirming, accepting, proud community of persons, can provide an essential alternative to what lesbians and gay men too often hear from the "straight" world. We need each other's support and strength to resist being what the nongay/lesbian world expects us to be and to form a positive identity as gay/lesbian persons. We cannot go it alone. As persons continued to share insights and fears and hopes, several in the group returned to how the world tells us what is acceptable and not acceptable. As lesbians and gay men, we often internalize those definitions and standards about how to be who we are. They [the heterosexual world} already know that being gay is not acceptable, but, if you are gay, there are certain ways to do it. One woman said: You're acceptable ifyou are very attractive and dress in skirts and smile nicely. However, ifyou wear your cigarettes rolled up under the sleeve of your T-shirt and clump around in a pair of heavy boots, then you have a 'bulldyke' image. And that's NOT acceptable. It was time to change tapes, but people did not want to stop talking. We realized that being a community "on tape" meant using our common sense to sort out all the messages we get about how to be who we are. And these conflicting, negative presumptuous messages not only come from the heterosexual world but also from gay/lesbian culture. These comments from two women and a man vividly illustrate the "identity crisis" often caused by the messages about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable that are received for the lesbian/gay community: I remember a point of having a real identity crisis. 'OK, this is what I'm supposed to be and that's how I'm supposed to look. And I don't. ' I'm not the type to wear nailclippers on belt loops. (con tinued) Open Hands 13 Some of this stuff can get oppressive from our direction, too. I know there are lesbians who think it is not politically co"ect to wear make-up, that it binds us to the heterosexual society. That may be true for some lesbians, but not for me. I can be a good lesbian wearing make-up. I often feel that if I don't have the 'right' name on my jeans, the co"ect color shirt, the appropriate shoes, the authorized car, and the good address that I'd better not walk into that gay bar. And God forbid that your washboard stomach doesn't ripple sensuously. The challenge to the gay/lesbian community to be inclusive of all folks, no matter how we look, dress, speak, and so forth, is the challenge not to mirror the prejudices and biases of the heterosexual world. We must help each other feel positive about who we are, without imposing strict categories, rules, or expectations about how to live out our identities as lesbians and gay men. In our conversations, we found that being a part of a community also helped us identify ourselves as an oppressed people without selfpity. This can be strengthening and empowering. It also can sensitize us to the plights, problems, and possibilities of other oppressed peoples. When we recognize that we share an identity with other oppressed people and that all oppression is linked together, our sense of justice can be sharpened. Because we are part of a community, we can give ourselves, our talents, and our time to the world, to the communities, to the church, and so forth as seekers after justice. But it is our being a part of a community "on the way" that makes that possible. DIVINE DIVERSITY: Difference really is beautiful. Homogeneity is not the norm for life in community. Genuine community celebrates rich diversity. In Nashville Affirmation we have -an elderly man who is experiencing the transition from living alone to living in a nursing home, -a woman who, having just completed her schooling, is moving across the country to launch her career, -a woman in the midst of a midlife career change from a successful professional situation to a divinity school student, -a lesbian couple in the process of adopting a child, -a man and a woman who each have a child growing into adolescence and are struggling with issues of parenting and family. A part of the diversity that community must celebrate is gender difference. One man shared his feelings this way: Something I appreciate about Affirmation that isn't true about a lot of other groups I'm a part ofis that this is a group in which I can relate to women in a fairly intimate way. A lot of the women in Affirmation have become close to me, and I've more readily shared some ofthe problems going on in my life with a couple of the women rather than the men. Nashville Affirmation had provided opportunities for the building of significant friendships with persons of the other gender. These friendships are free of role expectations and sexual agendas. They allow us opportunities to experience and appreciate and value the differences and similarities between women and men. Out of the rich tapestries of our life experiences and wisdom do we strengthen and nurture each other. LOVE AND SEX· We can talk about that, too. W e were somewhat surprised that we freely could talk about love and sex with each other. One of the women in the group who had been silent for awhile spoke pointedly about what the gay men in Affirmation had helped her learn: From gay men, lesbians can learn something about the joy of sex and the gift of positive and healthy feelings about sexuality. Sensuality, awareness, and appreciation of the body-gay men have taught me much about being sensual toward all oflife and creation. Almost at the same time, one of the men shared how lesbians had taught him about the importance of emotional bonding and the significance of being a friend to one's lover. I think one of the things that makes friendship among men, especially gay men, so difficult is that we are socialized to think that having sex with someone is the acceptable way ofbeing intimate . ... And that takes the place of another kind of intimacy, the emotional intimacy that I've 14 Open Hands heard lesbians talk about-the bonding that goes on. Men need this, too, but we're not very good at doing it because we usually end up in bed with each other before we find it. As we talked, we realized that our community provided us a setting in which honest and personal communication about sex can happen. One of the problems we have had is that some of the women are offended by the men's use ofsexual language, banter, and innuendo. But we have begun talking with each other about the words we use and how they help us define who we are. We feel that it is uncommon for men and women to talk about sex and love openly. We do. As a result, we have learned how rare and wonderful intimacy is and how urgent it is for us to model intimacy for each other by supporting and encouraging each other's intimate relationships. AIDSAND US: We really are not alone. The question about AIDS, of course, was raised. There was silence. Then, as one, we thanked God that we have not experienced the death from AIDS of anyone in Nashville Affirmation. We also voiced the fear and the knowledge that we cannot forever be untouched. Many of us have experienced the death of gay friends who have been a part of other Affirmation groups and friends from the larger gay community. We knew that it was necessary and appropriate when talking about being a community becoming that we ask how AIDS affected our intimate relationships, our community, our politics, our ethics, and so forth. Here are some of the responses: Yes, it's changing for men who recognize what a threat AIDS really is. Unfortunately, many gay men still feel sex is like Russian roulette: you drop your quarter in the dirty movie box and take your chance. But I think more and more gay men are learning what 'safe sex' really is all about. And that there is the unavoidable need to practice safe sex .... There's still a lot of erotic behavior without bonding but, at least, men are learning to be more responsible. I can't put myfinger exactly on how AIDS has impacted the lesbian com un ity. I had never given blood until recently, and somehow that is my symbolic way of reaching out to people with AIDS. (During Nashville's Gay Pride Week in 1986, one of the women from Affirmation headed a blood drive by lesbians that targeted the lesbian community as donors to show solidarity with gay men. Donors became "blood sisters" to gay men.) It's heightened my awareness of the gay community. It used to be that gay men were 'them, 'and lesbians were 'us. 'Now it's more of a 'we' and how 'we' are going to beat this. As a nurse, I am learning how to respond to the fear, anger, and resentment many of the persons in my profession feel toward persons with AIDS. How has AIDS changed us as a community? Perhaps we no longer take each other for granted. Perhaps we are more gentle and tender with each other. Perhaps we are more willing to hold each other accountable for our actions. Perhaps we know dramatically how fragile community is and how precious each of our lives really is. GIFTS BORN OF GIFTS: What do we give back? As we neared the end of our conversation, we, knowing how blessed we were, needed to decide what we could and would give back for the richness we had been given. To the church we want to continue to be a "thorn in the flesh." We want to call the church to greater and more inclusive faithfulness: I think the church needs Affirmation a great deal. Theologically and biblically, we might be like the remnant the faithful Israelites were. We need to speak the unpopular word in the land. I think Affirmation can address the church by keeping gay and lesbian issues alive and prodding the church to be honest. We want to keep persons and institutions sensitive to oppression. We want our intimate relationships to mature so that we can model mutuality and intentionality and responsible sexuality for other persons. Nashville Affirmation is a community "on the way." Being in a community is not always easy. In fact, sometimes it is a relentless pain. We do not always like each other, but we intend to endure and persevere with each other over time. Maybe that's love. We turned off the tape recorder knowing and rejoicing that we are not alone and that we have much to do to help other persons celebrate community as lesbians and gay men with a history, culture, and life-experiences that are valid and valued. 0 Open Hands 15 Tt By Viki Matson and Lloyd Lewis he country gospel hymn, "Will the Circle Be Unbroken?" asks the question about the continuity of life beyond death. On the surface, this hymn celebrates "a better home a-waitin' in the sky." The same question, however, can also be asked about the ongoingness of human relationships on earth and their ever-present influence on how persons live all aspects of their lives-how they love, act, get angry, become gentle, live, and die. As our cultural heritages accumulate and constantly expand, we human beings keep a circle unbrokenthrough our children, our art and literature, our hymns and symphonies, and our memories and visions. Gay men and lesbians share in this continuity, even though this fact has largely been hidden through much of history. With increasing vigor, however, gay men and lesbians are now reclaiming their heritage, a heritage that provides them with their unique identities and reminds them dramatically and profoundly that lesbian foremothers and gay forefathers also exist who must be remembered and celebrated. All Christians-not just gay men and lesbians who claim the Christian church as part of their historiesneed to acknowledge and face the challenge to keep alive the special gifts of gay/lesbian history. We all must recognize that the oppression (including the denial by silence) of anyone group is, in truth, the oppression of all groups. We all must work to make a reality the vision of the Body of Christ, the community of faith, as a diverse, ethnically varied, economically pluralistic, nongender-specific community that is the embodiment of inclusiveness. Part of this inclusiveness must be a refusal to make a heterosexual orientation the norm for mutual human relationships. Same-sex orientation and preference must be celebrated by all of God's people if the circle of life is to be kept unbroken. Notjust accepted. Notjust tolerated. But celebrated in its wholeness and brokenness. To do otherwise is to fail to keep the clear mandate, throughout the Bible, to welcome all of humanity, with love and enthusiasm, into the family of God. 16 Open Hands Celebrating Otherness The ordinary church usually pays tribute to cultural diversity on designated or approved Sundays, often only mentioning the "concern" for the day. For the extraordinary church, however, this is not enough. The extraordinary church celebrates cultural diversity by integrating its commitment to the inclusion of the "other" into the total life of the congregation. It frequently sings spirituals that were born out of the pain and hope of Black American slaves; its remembrances of the stories of American Blacks is not limited to some set-aside "race relations day." It incorporates Native American spirituality into its worship, committee meetings, and social action ministries, especially the central emphasis on the sacredness of the earth and of all creation; the physical world is hallowed in every thing the church does. The extraordinary church faithfully and joyfully uses the rich resources in the liturgies, poetry, music, and festivals of Hispanics and Native Americans, of Arabic and other Middle Eastern persons, as well as of Africans and Europeans. And the truly extraordinary church goes one step further, a step that requries greater intentionality in research and use because resources are not as readily available. It takes the step of integrating gay/lesbian culture and history into the total life of the congregation. The truly extraordinary church knows that gay/lesbian culture and history, though filled with pain and persecution, also brims with joy and affection. Remembering Gay Men and Lesbians Churches that want to be truly extraordinary can act in a wide variety of ways to remember and celebrate the culture and history of gay men and lesbians. They can: • Use music that includes lyrics that are inclusive of lesbians and gay men. Just as churches are learning to change the words of hymns to include women as well as men, they need to consider how lyrics can perpetuate heterosexual cultural norms and thereby deny the existence, value, and contributions of gay men and lesbians in church and society. Moreover, churches need to intentionally and openly use music composed by gay men and lesbians; this should include music that celebrates the joy of same-sex relationships as part of Christian family. • Preach sermons and create liturgies that reflect awareness of and sensitivity to the culture and history of lesbians and gay men. As clergy search for sermon illustrations, they should include the contributions of gay men and lesbians as models of effective and visionary ministry. • Design banners, vestments, and paraments that include, as an important liturgical symbol, the pink triangle-the mark that gay men were forced to wear in Hitler's death camps for identification and that has since been adopted by gay men and lesbians as an international symbol for their heritage, oppression, and pride. • Organize study and conversation groups that include lesbians and gay men in their leadership as well as membership and that pinpoint social justice issues including gay/lesbian concerns. • Invite lesbians and gay men from Affirmation, neighboring Reconciling Congregations, local Metropolitan Community Churches, and other lesbian/gay religious groups such as Dignity (Catholic) and Integrity (Episcopalian) to participate in study, social, and worship events in your church. They should always, of course, be invited as equals, not oddities. • Provide opportunities for lesbians and gay men to tell their stories so that congregations come to know the human joy and pain experienced by lesbians and gay men. • Include correct information about homosexuality at all age levels in your church. Urge "family ministries" to include families with gay and lesbian children and lesbian and gay parents and to recognize that children who may be growing up with a feeling of "being different" need to know that being attracted to persons of the same sex is natural and OK Similarly, recognize lesbian and gay couples as equal to heterosexual couples in all aspects of the church's life. • Buy for the church library books that are positive statements about and by gay men and lesbians, review the books in the church newsletter, and encourage United Methodist Women, United Methodist Men, youth groups, et aI., to use the books for study. • Highlight in church newsletters and calendars, on bulletin boards, and in announcements during worship services events in the gay/lesbian community: Gay and Lesbian Pride Weeks, concerts by gay and lesbian choruses and bands, AIDS awareness events, etc. • Speak out against the use of derogatory language about gay men and lesbians, just as you would about racial epithets, gender put-downs, and ethnic jokes. • Remember the Holocaust and the thousands of gay men who were slaughtered by Hitler's forces alongside of Jews, gypsies, and persons with handicapping conditions. Living It Out As Christians, we recognize that keeping silence denies us all the possibility of expressing our thoughts and feelings, whatever they may be. When the concerns of lesbians and gay men are not "said out loud" in the church, when the words gay, lesbian, and homosexual are not used in positive ways in a congregation, the life and ministry of a church is distorted and fragmented. Every church needs to expand its understanding and definition of inclusiveness. The AIDS crisis poignantly and profoundly highlights how the church, the gay/lesbian community, and non-gay/lesbian persons need each other. Even when a church has made the decision to become a Reconciling Congregation, the work continues. Only through living out the decision to include gay men and lesbians in all areas of church life will the never-ending, concentric circle of inclusive life together be unbroken. 0 Viki Matson is a member ofEdgehill UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Nashville. Tennessee. and is a chaplain in a Nashville hospital. Lloyd Lewis is affiliated with West Nashville UMC in Nashville. a member ofthe Wisconsin Annual Conference. and director ofschool relations at Vanderbilt Divinity School in Nashville. Open Hands 17 SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT A Dialog e with Psalmists By Pat Floyd No despair is so deep, no anger so burning, no joy so ecstatic, but that one ofthe psalmists has lifted just such an emotion in a cry to God. o God, are we alone? Does anyone care? The psalmist testifies: o God, you have examined me and you know me. You know everything I do: from far away you understand all my thoughts. You see me, whether I am working or resting; you know all my actions. Even before I speak, you already know what I will say. You are all around me on every side; you protect me with your power. Your knowledge of me is too deep; it is beyond my understanding. Psalm 139:1-6 But some places I have been, God, some places I may yet find myself; will you be in the hospital, in the jail, in the ghetto? The psalmist asks rather: Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, "Let only darkness cover me, and the light about me be night," even the darkness is not dark to you, the night is bright as the day; for darkness is as light with you. 18 Open Hands I -S USTAINI N G THE SPIRIT The psalmist affirms: How precious to me are your thoughts, 0 God! How vast is the sum of them! If I would count them, they are more than the sand. When I awake, I am still with you. (Or, were I to come to the end, I would still be with you.) Psalm 139:7-12, 17-18 o God, how shall I survive in a hostile world? The psalmist petitions: Deliver me, 0 God, from evil ones; preserve me from violent people who plan evil things in their heart and stir up wars continually They make their tongue sharp as a serpent's, and under their lips is the poison of vipers. Let not the slanderer be established in the land; let evil hunt down the violent ones speedily! The psalmist affirms: I know that God maintains the cause of the afflicted and executes justice for the needy. Surely the righteous shall give thanks to your name: the upright shall dwell in your presence. Psalm 140: 1-3, 11-13 Open Hands 19 RESOURCES Coming Out Stories. Edited by Penelope Stanley and Susan 1. Wolfe; foreword by Adrienne Rich. Watertown, Mass.: Persephone Press, 1980. Reviewed by Judy Matthews-Taylor This book is a richly woven tapestry of the "coming out" stories of lesbian women. The stories are each individual and unique, yet the commmon strand that runs throughout is the same: the progress toward self-acceptance in spite of culture, like a giant billboard, that says you are sick, you are dirty, you are evil. The collection is important to lesbian/gay culture for several reasons. As Adrienne Rich states in the Foreword, one very important reason is that these stories, throughout most of history, have been ignored, destroyed, told as isolated accounts, or not told at all. The stories describe well the many different ways of "coming out" and remind readers of an important truth: coming out is a never-ending process for a lesbian (or a gay man) in our society. New situations always develop, new people are present, and always the pervasive larger culture is at work either assuming a person is heterosexual or labelling one with such terms as dyke and leaving the rest of the person out of the assessment. Coming out gets easier with practice, with age, with greater self-acceptance, and with a loving community. But it isn't something that is done once, with everything settled from that point on. This book reminds us all that acceptance of one's sexuality is central to spiritual, emotional, and physical well-being. Over and over, the stories communicate the pain of the years of denial, the repeated attempts of a woman to relate to men sexually or to see oneself as bisexual. Then, it communicates the joy, the sense of having a great burden lifted, when a woman can acknowlege, "I am a lesbian.~ The great importance of community is a theme throughout the book. Many of the stories contain, often as a closing point, the overwhelming sense of joy in finding "home~ for the first time in women's community-in working with, growing beside, loving other women in a way that includes sexual bonding but is something larger as well. Coming Out Ston'es is a good reminder of how much people need each other, not only as partners, lovers, and spouses, but as friends and community members as well. All is not glowing accounts of having come out, finding home, and living happily ever after. Other truths are told as well: reminders that lesbians have used and hurt men along the way, that role-playing still goes on despite intellectual awareness and greater freedoms, that relationships are not magically good but require patience, commitment, and hard work to last-and that they often end, sometimes very painfully. As Adrienne Rich says in the foreword, these stories "are incomplete; some of the truths we need are not here. The telling must go on." What of the stories of lesbians who find "home" in communities that include men and the freedom that can be found there when compulsory heterosexuality is removed and women and men and are freed to relate as friends and equals? What of stories of those who stay in, or have come back to, the institutional church to love it and do battle with it? The telling must go on, and the ways of telling must evolve. But, thankfully, this wonderfully vibrant, life-filled guidebook is here to lead the way. 0 Judy Matthews-Taylor is a member of Edgehill UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Nashville, Tennessee. 20 Open Hands The Homosexualization of America, the Americanization of the Homosexual. By Dennis Altman. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1982. Reviewed by Steve Webster One begins to feel old when the histories of the times one has lived through seem outdated. Dennis Altman's book, The Homosexualization of America, copyrighted in 1982, was written before Altman was conscious of AIDS and its eventual impact on the lesbian/gay movement. Still, much of the fun of reading Altman's book is to join the author in reflecting on where gay men and lesbians have come from and where they are going. Though AIDS continues to exact a horrible toll, I came away from Altman's book sensing that the movement has continued to grow and mature since this book was published. Though Altman repeatedly demonstrates an impressive familiarity with the long (indeed ancient!) history of lesbians and gay men, his main focus is on the dozen years from the Stonewall riots of 1969 to the early 1980s. Altman, who frequently reminds the reader of his interest in Marxism and Freudianism, is particularly nostalgic for the early '70s and the more idealistic and politically radical roots of the lesbian/gay movement. The revolution Altman had hoped for in the early '70s was not the revolution that had come in the early '80s! The meaning of Altman's lengthy title is that America has become "homosexualized," while homosexuals have been "Americanized." America (by which Altman means the United States) has been profoundly influenced by the lesbian/gay movement. Lesbians and gay men have contributed to language, art, style, and social organization. On the other hand, American culture has shaped the lesbian/gay movement not only in the United States but worldwide, as the Australian and worldtraveling Altman is well qualified to observe. This "Americanization" has resulted in the extreme commercialization of the homosexual (especially gay male) community. Between 1970 and 1980, the gay male market was discovered by all sorts of businesses. In fact, the most significant meeting places in the gay community have been commercial establishments-gay bars and bathhouses. The more positive aspect of the Americanization of the lesbian/gay movement is its eventual rooting in the Western liberal democratic tradition of respect for individual privacy, individual differences, and the rights of minorities to protection from tyranny and bigotry. In one chapter entitled "Sexual Freedom and the End of Romance," Altman takes up the issue of promiscuity. With no reference to AIDS, this is the most dated chapter in the book. Thought Altman does not celebrate gay male promiscuity as have some writers in the past, he does treat promiscuity as another social trend invented by gay men. In doing so, Altman neglects the rise of Hugh Hefner's "Playboy philosophy" in the 1950s and the "sexual revolution" of the '60s which predated the rise of the gay/ lesbian movement in the early '70s. While Altman notes the importance in 1982 of bars and bathhouses as social institutions in the gay community, he also observes that "the closest there is to a grassroots national organization is the network provided by the religious groups" in the lesbian/gay community. In the five years since the appearance of Altman's book, this has become even more true. 0 Steve Webster is a member ofUniversity UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Madison, Wisconsin. RESOU R CES Coming Out Right: A Handbook for the Gay Male. By Wes Muchmore and William Hanson. Boston: Alyson Publications, 1982. Reviewed by Ron Gebhardtsbauer W ritten in the 1980s, this book purports to help gay men come out and learn about the institutions ofgay life. However, it has two major problems: (1) it is already quite out-of-date due to AIDS, and (2) it is very negative about gay life. Chapter I is entitled "Coming Out." The authors reminded me of my fears when they wrote that many gay men coming out worry that they will change radically, closing a door on all the possibilities that they once had. This is laid to rest when the authors rightfully say, "You [a gay man] won't start talking in a lisp, hating females, losing your morality, go wild over lavender, or lust for boys." I now find it very humorous that I had these fears, but they were very real to me at the time. The writers go on to say that coming out is an "extremely difficult time and not pleasant." I strongly disagreed with those assertions, as my year ofcoming out was one of the best in my life. I was saddened by the possibility that the book might scare readers back into the closet or into suicidal thoughts. This negative attitude continued as the book counseled against coming out to family, mentioning tired old rules such as "Don't tell a parent with a heart condition." The book talks about the gay bar, "the dominant social institution for homosexual men," and tells readers to "wear snugly fitting pants" and what signals to use to pick up a man in front of his lover. I found the seeming encouragement of dishonesty and absence of morality distasteful. The chapter entitled "The Gay Baths" tells one what to expect and how to act there. In the midst of much I felt was negative, I found it refreshing when the authors encouraged readers to feel good about themselves and to say no when they find themselves in something they'd rather not participate in. The book goes on to talk about "First Experience" and "First Love," mentioning all the things the authors felt a gay male should worry about. Their suggestions contrasted sharply with my own experiences, which were some of the best moments in my life. The authors did have an interesting point when they said that one's earliest erotic experiences have an imprinting effect, creating the desire to repeat the first experience again and again. That's why it is good to start out healthy. The ensuing chapters deal with 'The Older Gay Man" and 'The Gay Minorities" (in this case, meaning those into sadism and masochism, transvestism, effeminate men, and boy lovers) in a fairly negative way. When covering such other topics as employment, medical problems, recreational drug use, police, friends, roommates, lovers, looking ahead, gay men and professionals, and gay life good and bad, a more positive outlook is taken. The final chapter considers some of the positive aspects of being a gay man. Gay men, for example, are liberated to be who they really are and commonly are not frightened about sex as are many nongay men. In addition, if gay men come out, they will probably have better, supportive friends that will help out in times of need. They need not be alone. In summary, this book did not go far enough in emphasizing the positive, life-giving dimensions of being a gay man in the R on Gebhardtsbauer is a member ofChrist UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C. world today. Coming out has helped me to see society's injustices more clearly and to understand the effects of discrimination and thus identify with other oppressed groups. It has helped me to realize the importance and power of love, strengthened my faith, and brought me closer to God. In coming out, I understand myself better, and have purpose and renewed strength in my life to fight for what I believe in-human rights and equality. D Sex and Germs: The Politics ofAIDS By Cindy Patton. Boston: South End Press, 1985. Reviewed by Roger Kruse The emergence of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome (AIDS) as the planet's greatest health crisis since the Plague swept the western world has been an important, albeit unwelcome, catalyst among the gay!lesbian community to revisit the many elements of its culture. Among those elements that Cindy Patton explores in Sex and Genns: The Politics ofAIDS are the divisions that have prohibited a unified response to the disease. Those divisions, Patton asserts, "rest on unresolved political questions, not the least ofwhich are the relationships between sex and sexual liberation, between sexual liberation and other areas of liberation.~ What the AIDS crisis has provided for the gay/lesbian community is the opportunity to assert its culture by, as Patton relates, "fusing traditional civil rights and legal activism with the anarchic contradictory style of agit prop designed to subvert social restrictions." Patton explains how lessons that have been learned from other organizing experiences can be translated into effective mobilization to address AIDS and its related challenges. Patton recognizes the popular homophobic responses to AIDS and the related attempts to explain and understand AIDS from a scientific perspective. But she quickly moves beyond the mass media pulp and addresses the other mentalities that have resulted in a less-than-enthusiastic national response to AIDS. Addressing the germophobia that accompanies AIDS, Patton reminds readers that "a peculiar and scientifically incorrect cultural concept has emerged: the world is divided into us and germs." Not so. But Patton's analysis makes the reader confront the reality that has permitted government and health officials to evade the real issues surrounding AIDS. Based in large part on her own experiences as an AIDS organizer, Sex and Genns provides readers with an in-depth exploration of the many cultural aspects within the gay/lesbian community that have been affected and that will be forever perceived in a different light as a result of AIDS. AIDS has, in fact, both challenged and threatened the gay/ lesbian community. How gay men and lesbians can respond to those challenges and threats causes Patton well-founded concern. AIDS organizing, Patton writes, "brings the best of gay and lesbian organizing together with some of the movement's obstacles; the quality and direction of AIDS organizing promises to exert a major influence on the lesbian and gay community for years." Sex and Genns: The Politics of AIDS draws together key segments of gay/lesbian culture, discusses how those segments have been challenged, and then provides a clear-cut analysis of elements of the gay!lesbian community that have been most directly threatened by AIDS and the character ofthe community's response to that cultural challenge. D Roger Kruse lives in Mesa, Arizona and is a member ofthe Coordinating Committee ofAffirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Open Hands 21 ~t-~_ R_CP R_EPOR_T___ New Reconciling Congregations We celebrate the decisions of three more UM churches to become Reconciling Congregations, bringing the total number to 25. Here's a brief introduction to the new Reconciling Congregations: Trinity UMC (San Francisco) Trinity UMC celebrated its 100th birthday in 1986. Five years ago, the church building burned. Since that time, Trinity has been using the facilities of St. Francis Lutheran Church. The congregation is currently working towards a new building. Trinity has a membership of about 200. The membership is about one-third gay/lesbian and includes a wide variety of ethnic and cultural groups, though there are few children. Eight years ago, Trinity first declared its acceptance of lesbians and gay men. The church has two worship services and a mid-week potluck and discussion. The congregation is community-oriented and is currently working with other congregations in the areas of AIDS ministries (direct services and a meals program for AIDS patients), ministry to the homeless, and drug counseling. Albany UMC (Albany, California) Albany UMC may seem to be a community unlikely to become a Reconciling Congregation. Although located next to Berkeley, Albany is a more conservative town with small, older homes built in the early 1900s for blue collar-workers. The oldest church in town, dating from 1908, Albany UMC presently has about 150 members, primarily older persons. Since another nearby congregation has a large program for families, Albany focuses on ministries for single persons. The congregation is moving forward from a "survival mentality." It has an active peace and justice commission and is establishing ties with the Evangelical Methodist Church 22 Open Hands of Bolivia. The church building is used continuously by many community groups and is also home to a Korean Christian Reformed congregation. The process ofbecoming a Reconciling Congregation was precipitated by the pastor talking openly about her gay son and by welcoming a gay male couple into the congregation. St. Paul's UMC (Vacaville, California) St. Paul's UMC (located midway between Sacramento and San Francisco) is a local church with a strong commitment to social issues. The church was formed in 1959 and has a total of 125 members. The membership includes both young and old with a small number of ethnic members. The congregation is committed to feminist ministry and racial inclusiveness. A weekly Bible study is a crucial basis for the justice witness of the congregation. Ministries include peace advocacy (the church is located near Travis Air Force base), work with the county National Organization for Women chapter, and the nuclear freeze. The church has a strong lay leadership which is involved in the shaping of the worship liturgy. Several gay men and lesbians are active in the congregation. The process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation was a loving one. The congregation decided that joining the program was the only natural, honest, Bnd loving thing to do. Two New Reconciling Conferences T wo annual conferences of the UMC voted early this summer to become Reconciling Conferences. Troy (eastern New York state) and California-Nevada annual conferences affirmed the full participation of lesbians and gay men in the life oftheir annual conferences. Northern Illinois, which was the first Reconciling Conference, defeated efforts to rescind its "reconciling" decision made a year ago. The New York Annual Conference recommended the Reconciling Congregation Program to all its local churches. Related to the UM General Conference (to be held in St. Louis in May 1988), a few annual conferences proposed changes in UM church law which would be more affirming of lesbians and gay men. However, at least 18 annual conferences asked that the negative language about homosexuality in the Book of Discipline be maintained. Related to AIDS ministries, many annual conferences called on the church, nationally and locally, to be more active in service and ministry to persons with AIDS. The above information was reported in the UM publication, Newscope. The text of some of these resolutions and more analysis of annual conference actions will be included in our next issue. Affirmation Invites Membership Ifyou are not yet a member ofAffirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, you are invited to join this community. Affirmation is a churchwide, inclusive community of lesbians and gay men, bisexual and heterosexual persons who affirm the presence of all persons, regardless of affectionallsexual orientation, in the United Methodist Church. In addition to national gatherings held each spring and fall, Affirmation is active in many local or regional areas. The programs of local Affirmation groups vary but often include worship, education, social activities, or advocacy. You can join Affirmation nationally and receive the organization's newsletter by one of four means: 1) Send $20 ($10 for students/persons on fixed incomes) annual membership. 2) Register for and attend one of the ___R_CPR_EPOR_T-J~~ig semiannual national meetings. 3) Participate in Affirmation activities in your local community. 4) Request to be a member unable to make a financial commitment at this time. Your request to join Affirmation or to find out more about Affirmation activities in your area should be sent to: Affirmation P.O. Box 1021 Evanston, IL 60204 The next national meeting of Affirmation will be September 18-20 in St. Louis. The program will be "Talking about Sex-Meaning and Heali ng." RCP Video Shown in 12 Cities A new videotape, roughly edited from film shot at the Reconciling Congregation Program (RCP) convocation in March, has been previewed in 12 cities this spring and early summer. The video portrays personal stories from members of three different Reconciling Congregations and a montage of images and statements from the convocation. Response to this initial fil m product has been very positive. About 250 persons viewed the video in these 12 cities. Pledges and contributions of over $6,000.00 were given to support the video project and other work of the RCP. Viewers-clergy and lay, United Methodist and other denominations, gay/lesbian and straight-were moved by the dramatic and emotional impact of the stories portrayed. The film presents how the struggle to affirm the church's ministry with lesbians and gay men has deeply affected individual and congregational lives. With the funds raised and feedback received in these screenings, the video will be further edited for availability in September. We recommend the video as a vehicle to invite friends and colleagues to become part of the reconciling movement and to support the RCP with their financial and other resources. If you would be interested in arranging a viewing of the video in your community this fall or winter, write to the RCP, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, TN 37202. National March for Lesbian/Gay Rights M omentum is building across the nation for the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights on Sunday, October 11, 1987. Sponsored by a large coalition of lesbian/gay and other social justice organizations, the march will bring thousands of supporters of lesbian/ gay rights to Washington, D.C. that weekend. In addition to the march, many other activities are being planned during the weekend: a national lobbying effort with members of Congress, a concert by lesbian/gay bands from across the country, unveiling of a large quilt with the name of persons who have died from AIDS, and "The Wedding," a nonsectarian union ceremony celebrating the relationships of hundreds or thousands of same-sex couples. For more information on the march or to find out plans for your community's participation in the march, contact: National March on Washington P.O. Box 7781 Washington, DC 20044 202/783-1828 Mid-Atlantic Affirmation and Reconciling Congregations in the D.C. area will offer limited housing for Affirmation or Reconciling Congregations members who are coming to the march. For more information on such housing contact: March Committee, Mid-Atlantic Affirmation, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026 or call Bradley Rymph at 202/554-9507. Mid-Atlantic Affirmation will be hosting a special worship service and dinner following the march and rally that Sunday. Back Issues of Open Hands O pen Hands is an excellent resource for individual or group study on lesbian/gay concerns within the church. Back issues can be ordered for $4.00 each ($3.00 for orders of 10 or more) from Open Hands, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. Themes of previous issues are: -Be Ye Reconciled (Summer 1985) -Living & Dying with AIDS (Fall 1985)-no longer available -A Matter of Justice (Winter 1986) -Our Families (Spring 1986) -Our Churches' Policies (Summer 1986) -Images of Healing (Fall 1986) -Homophobia and the Church (Winter 1987) -Minorities within a Minority (Spring 1987) Our Interdenominational Movement The Reconciling Congregation Program is only one part of a larger, interdenominational movement of local churches who publicly welcome the full participation of lesbians and gay men. Over 100 congregations in the United Methodist, Presbyterian, Lutheran, and United Church of Christ denominations are part of this movement. As a resource to congregations and individuals in ministry with lesbians and gay men, we offer a list of all the More Light (Presbyterian), Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ), and Reconciling Congregations. We also list the contact person for each denominational program for anyone who would like to get more information on a particular program. More Light Churches (Presbyterian) NATIONAL COORDINATOR: Shirley Hinkamp 376 Baltic Street Brooklyn, NY 11201 Church of the Covenant Christ Church Presbyterian 67 Newbury Street Red Stone Campus Boston, MA 02116 Burlington, VT 05401 (continued) Open Hands 23 Rep REPORT More Light Churches (continued) First Presbyterian & Trinity Church 111 Irvington Avenue South Orange, NJ 07079 Prospect Steet Presbyterian Church 2 Prospect Street Trenton, NJ 08618 Good Shepherd-Faith Presbyterian Church 152 W. 66th Street New York, NY 10023 West-Park Presbyterian Church 165 W. 86th Street New York, NY 10024 lafayette Avenue Presbyterian Church 85 S. Oxford Street Brooklyn, NY 1121 7 South Presbyterian Church 343 Broadway Dobbs Ferry, NY 10522 Old South Haven Presbyterian Church South Country Road, P.O. Box 203 Brookhaven, NY 11 719 Westminster Presbyterian Church 724 Delaware Avenue Buffalo, NY 14222 North Presbyterian Church 90 Lewis Street Geneva, NY 14456 John Calvin Presbyterian Church 50 Ward Hill Road Henrietta, NY 14467 Third Presbyterian Church 4 M eigs Street Rochester, NY 14607 Downtown Presbyterian Church 121 N. Fitzhugh Street Rochester, NY 14614 Calvary St. Andrews Parish 68 Ashland Street Rochester, NY 14620 Westminster Presbyterian Church 400 I Street, SW Washington, DC 20024 Rockville Presbyterian Church 215 W . Montgomery Avenue Rockville, MD 20850 First & Franklin Presbyterian Church 210 Madison St. Baltimore, M D 21201 Waverly Presbyterian Church Old York Road at 34th Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Central Presbyterian Church 318 W. Kentucky Street Louisville, KY 40203 Northside Presbyterian Church 1679 Broadway Ann Arbor, MI 48105 Lincoln Park Presbyterian Church 600 W. Fullerton Parkway Chicago, IL 60614 McKinley Memorial Presbyterian Church 809 S. 5th Street Champaign, IL 61820 Bethany Presbyterian Church 4523 Cedar Springs Dallas, TX 75219 United University Presbyterian Church 817 W. 34th Street Los An geles, CA 90007 West Hollywood Presbyterian Church 7350 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90046 Noe Valley Ministry 1021 Sanchez Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Seventh Avenue Presbyterian Church 1329 7th Avenue San Francisco, CA 94122 First Presbyterian Church 1140 Cowper Street Palo Alto, CA 94301 Covenant Presbyterian Church 670 E. Meadow Drive Palo Alto, CA 94306 Westminster Presbyterian Church 240 Tiburon Blvd. Tiburon, CA 94920 First Presbyterian Church P.O. Box 236 Sausalito, CA 94965 St. Andrews Presbyterian Church Drake & Donahue Avenues Marin City, CA 94965 Terrace View Presbyterian Church 4700 228th Street, SW Mountlake Terrace, WA 98043 Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran) NATIONAL COORDINATOR: Rose Smith 12602 Park Street Cerritos, CA 90701 Mt. Olivet Lutheran Community of Christ Church Lutheran Church Prospect at Spring Street 1812 Monroe Street, NW Shrewsbury, MA 01545 Washington, DC 20010 24 Open Hands St. Mark's Lutheran Church 1900 St. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 St. Timothy Lutheran Church P.O. Box 17552 Tampa, FL 33682 Village Church 130 E. Juneau Avenue Milwaukee, WI 53202 St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church 100 N. Oxford Street St. Paul, MN 55104 Holy Trinity Lutheran Church 2730 E. 31 st Street Minneapolis, MN 55406 Our Savior's Lutheran Church 2639 Thomas Avenue North Minneapolis, MN 55411 Grace University Lutheran Church Harvard & Delaware Streets, SE Minneapolis, MN 55414 Lutheran Campus Ministry/Minneapolis 31 7 17th Avenue, SE Minneapo lis, MN 55414 Edina Community Lutheran Church 41 13 W . 54th Street Edina, MN 55424 The Community of st. Martin 2001 Riverside Avenue Minneapolis, MN 55454 Lutheran Campus Ministry St. Cloud State University 201 4th Street S. St. Cloud, MN 56301 Christ the Mediator Lutheran Church 3100 S. Calumet Chicago, IL 60615 Maywood House Church 2219 N. Spaulding Chicago, IL 60647 Resurrection Lutheran Church 3301 N. Seminary Street Chicago, IL 60657 St. Thomas University lutheran Chapel 805 S. Shields Fort Collins, CO 80521 Lutheran Church of the Redeemer 13330 Riverside Drive Sherman Oaks, CA 91423 St. Matthew's lutheran Church 11031 Camarillo Street N. Ho llywood, CA 91602 St. John's lutheran Church 584 E. Fremont Sunnyvale, CA 94087 St. Paulus Lutheran Church 888 Turk Street San Francisco, CA 94102 St. Mark's lutheran Church 1101 O 'Farrell Street San Francisco, CA 94109 St. Francis Lutheran Church 152 Church Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Christ Church Lutheran 1090 Quintara Street San Francisco, CA 94116 First United Lutheran Church 6555 Geary Blvd. San Francisco, CA 94121 University Lutheran Church 1611 Stanford Avenue Palo Alto, CA 94036 St. Paul's Lutheran Church 1658 Excelsior Avenue Oakland, CA 94602 Lutheran Peace Fellowship 4100 Mountain Blvd. Oakland, CA 94619 University Lutheran Chapel 2425 College Avenue Berkeley, CA 94704 Christ the Good Shepherd Lutheran Church 1550 M eridian Road San Jose, CA 95125 Fullness of God Lutheran Church Holden Village Chelan, WA 98816 Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ) NATIONAL COORDINATOR: Ann Day P.O. Box 403 Holden, MA 01520 First Congregation Riverside Salem Church Church, UCC Box 207 165 Main Street Grand Island, NY 14072 Amherst, MA 01002 Church of the Covenant Amherst Community 67 Newbury Street Church Boston, MA 02116 77 Washington Highway Church of the United Snyder, NY 14226 Community 116 Roxbury Street Roxbury, MA 02119 First Congregational Riverside Church Church 490 Riverside Drive 945 G Street, NW New York, NY 10027 Washington, DC 20001 Grace United Church of Christ 3285 Cleveland-Massillon Road Norton, OH 44203 First Congregational Church of MN 500 8th Avenue, SE Minneapolis, MN 55414 Wellington Avenue UCC 615 Wellington Avenue Chi cago, IL 60657 Altadena Congregational Church 943 East Altadena Drive Altadena, CA 91001 La Mesa Community Church 230 Lighthouse Road Santa Barbara, CA 93109 First Congregational Church Alameda, CA 94501 Peace United Church of Christ 777 Oakland Avenue Oakland, CA 94611 College Avenue Congregational Church 1341 College Avenue Modesto, CA 95350 Reconciling Congregations Washington Square UMC c/o Don Himpel 135 W . 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC c/o Beth Bentley 6th Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11 215 Calvary UMC c/o Chip Coffman 815 S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 Dumbarton UMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC c/o John Hannay 4th and I Streets, SW Washington, DC 20024 St. John's UMC c/o Howard Nash 2705 St. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC c/o Sally Daniel 575 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC c/o Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Central UMC c/o Chuck Larson 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610 University UMC 1127 University Avenue c/o Steve Webster Madison, WI 53715 Wesley UMC c/o Tim Tennant-Jayne Marquette at Grant Streets Minneapolis, MN 55403 Wheadon UMC c/o Carol Larson 2212 Rid ge Avenue Evanston, I L 60201 Albany Park UMC c/o Ted Luis, Sr. 31 00 W . Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625 Irving Park UMC c/o David Foster 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Kairos UMC c/o Richard Vogel 6015 M cGee Kansas City, M O 641 13 St. Paul's UMC c/o George Christie 1615 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218 Wesley UMC c/o Patty Orlando 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Fresno, CA 93710 Bethany UMC c/o Kim Smith 1268 Sanchez Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Trinity UMC c/o Arron Auger 152 Church Street San Francisco, CA 94122 Albany UMC c/o Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706 Trinity UMC c/o Elli Norris 23 20 Dana Street Berkeley, CA 94704 Sunnyhills UMC c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC c/o Dianne L. Grimard 101 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688 Wallingford UMC c/o Chuck Richards 2115 N. 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103 Capitol Hill UMC c/o Mary Dougherty 128 Sixteenth Street East Seattle, WA 98112 Reconciling Conferences California-Nevada Troy (eastern New York Northern Illinois state) Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 3 No 1 - A Community Emerging https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/6199b357b24b394cc3190b308fe16075.pdf 1770be981a7c90fe2d25a54144ae10c5 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 3 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1987 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Table of Contents The table of contents of the issue '7 syour heart tme to my heart as mine is to yours? .. Ifit Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program •••••••••••••••• SEXUAL VIOLENCE: UNLOCKING THE SILENCE Lot's Daughters By Sheila Briggs Page 3 Men and Violence By Murrary Scher and Mark Stevens Page 6 Homophobic Violence: A GrowingEpidemic By Chip Aldridge Page 9 The Second Closet: Battered Lesbians By Donna J. Cecere Page 12 Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. I nformation about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program ~ P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Beth Carey David Jessup Graphic Artist Brenda Roth Contributors to This Issue Chip Aldridge Sheila Briggs Donna J. Cecere Carole Elizabeth Peggy Halsey Gerald Holbrook Peggy Hutchison Murray Scher Mark Stevens Marianne Winters O pen Hands (fonnerly M.1nn. fM the JourMY) is published four times a year. Subsaiption is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the USA) Single copies are available for S4 each; quantities of 10or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain artides are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be se nt to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington. DC 20026 Copyright 1987 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Cay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 Contents Few subjects can be as uncomfortable as sexual violence. Our society avoids the topic, our churches avoid it, and we as individuals frequently do too. Sexuality itself is already threatening for many of us, and sexual violence represents its even-more-uncomfortable sordid side. Rape, spouse and child abuse, "fag bashing" -all are things "good Christians" don't do, and don't talk about either. Yet the human tragedy that surrounds sexual violence cries out for our concern. We are called to reach out lovingly to comfort those who have been violated-to hear their pains and feel their tears. We are also challenged to help heal those who perpetrate sexual violence, both by holding them accountable for their acts and by supporting them on the road toward wholeness. Part of understanding sexual violence is considering the roles our religious and cultural heritages have played in promoting it. In "Lot's Daughters" (p. 3), Sheila Briggs shows how Judeo-Christian tradition has supported the domination of husbands and fathers over their wives and children, including sexually. Murray Scher and Mark Stevens examine how society trains men to be abusive toward women, other men, and children in " Men and Violence" (p. 6). They also define steps men can take toward overcoming their violent behavior. If sexual violence in general is a squeamish topic, violence against lesbians and gay men can be particularly threatening to discuss. Chip Aldridge examines the upsurge in anti-gay/lesbian violence in "Homophobic Violence: A Growing Epidemic" (p. 9), while Marianne Winters probes the personal effects that such violence and the fear of it can have in "External and Internal Realities of Anti-Gay/Lesbian Violence" (p. 10). Spouse abuse is a major problem among lesbians and gay men, as it is among heterosexuals, as Donna J. Cecere reminds us as she speaks from her experience in "The Second Closet: Battered Lesbians" (p. 12). Sexual abuse is global. Different cultures give the tragedy different twists, but it seems to exist everywhere. Peggy Hutchison demonstrates this in "The Violated of Central America: Women of Power and Spirit" (p. 16). Lest we feel overwhelmed, M. Burrill helps us see how we can do our part in "Making Changes: The Church Response" (p. 18). RESOURCES (p. 20) lists books, organizations, and periodicals that may be useful as we strengthen our ministries on sexual violence. In SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT (p. 19), Gerald Holbrook and Carole Elizabeth offer " Reconciling People," a hymn they wrote while participating in the Reconciling Congregation convocation in Chicago last March. The RCP REPORT (p. 22) updates us on the actions of United Methodist annual conferences in 1987 on issues concerning lesbian/gay ministries. NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Spirituality and Sexuality 2 Open Hands InGenesis 19 we find the story of Lot's daughters. We do not know the names of these women. They were totally identified through their relationship to their father, Lot, and it was his right to use their sexuality which was described in the story. Lot's daughters first appearednameless-during Lot's confrontation with the men of Sodom. The townsmen of Sodom demanded to "know" the two strangers who were guests in Lot's house. The intentions of the townsmen of Sodom were unclear. Perhaps, they wanted to interrogate the two strangers as possible spies of an external enemy. Possibly, they were demanding that the strangers submit to the rules of sexual hospitality. Through those rules the potentially dangerous presence of an outsider in a town was defused by sexual contact with a member-usually a young womanof the town. This custom persisted in the Arabian peninsula from very ancient to quite recent times. I Whatever the designs of the men of Sodom were, Lot refused them their initial demand but decided to try and appease them. The biblical text reports Lot's offer to the men of Sodom. "Behold, I have two daughters who have not known man; let me bring them out to you, and do to them as you please" (Gen.l9:8-RSV). In modern debates as to whether Genesis 19 has anything to do with homosexuality, Lot's willingness to submit his daughters to gang rape is usually overlooked. For conservative traditionalists who want to find biblical condemnation for sodomy in this passage, the lack of biblical condemnation for Lot's actions toward his daughters in the text does not seem to present a problem. Gay male interpreters, concerned with showing that Genesis 19 and later biblical references to it know nothing of a link between the sin of Sodom and homosexuality, often ignore the fact that the text assumes the right of a father's complete control and disposal of his daughter's sexuality. Within the early Hebrew culture, the sexuality ofa daughter existed for the benefit of her father. One may, of course, argue that in the ancient Near East the obligations between host Lot's Bysbm~'f!ughters Open Hands 3 and guest were considered sacred and Lot's offer was motivated by his duty to protect his guests. But this simply underlines that in the same context the well-being of daughters was not a sacred obligation offathers. Daughters and other female dependents were expendable. T he same point is made in the very similar story in Judges 19. The setting is ancient Israel. A Levite and his concubine spent the night in a town in Gibeah. Some of the townsmen wanted to "abuse" him. His host made a similar offer to Lot's. "No, my brethren, do not act so wickedly; seeing that this man has come into my house, do not do this vile thing. Behold here is my virgin daughter and his concubine; let me bring them out to you now. Ravish them and do with them what seems good to you, but against this man do not do a vile thing" (Jud. 19:23f.-RSV). The gang rape of a daughter was not seen as an infamy but as an acceptable compromise. The men, however, rejected it. The Levite, therefore, seized his concubine and forced her outside; she is raped to death. In the further account of the punishment of Gibeah by their fellow Israelites, the crime seemed to be the violation of the relationship between host and guest and of the Levite's rights over his concubine rather than the torture and killing of the woman herself. As in the story of Lot's daughters, the daughter offered for rape and the raped concubine remain nameless throughout. Lot's daughters reappear in a bizarre sequel to the story of the destruction of Sodom at the end of Genesis 19. The devastation had been so complete that it seemed the human race had become extinct in the whole region. Perhaps in the original form of the narrative human beings had vanished from the whole world as the result of some primordial disaster akin to Noah's flood. The plight ofLot's daughters was described in the words that the elder addressed to the younger: "Our father is old, and there is not a man on earth to come in to us after the manner of all the earth" (Gen. 19:31-RSV). According to the story, Lot's daughters tried to resolve this situation by making their father drunk and sleeping with him without his knowledge in order to become pregnant. Although the daughters took the initiative, one 4 Open Hands should not be misled into thinking that the author considered them autonomous human beings capable of moral decision. The daughters remained nameless as they had in the earlier account of Genesis 19; they are referred to simply as the elder and the younger. Their actions were motivated by concern for Lot's lineage. He had no son; the sons-in-law whom he had chosen for his daughters had perished in Sodom. Although veiled, the underlying assumption here was the same as in the earlier part of the narrative when Lot offered his daughters for rape: the sexuality of a daughter existed for the benefit of her father. The description ofthe daughters' initiative served in fact to remove responsibility from Lot for what was considered morally dubious conduct. G enesis 19 does seem to know something of an incest taboo. The portrayal of Lot being drunk and therefore unable to control his behavior was intended to exonerate Lot from being culpable of an act of incest. In contemporary studies of incestuous fathers this ancient motif is repeated. Presentday incestuous fathers also claim that they were unable to control their sexual behavior towards their daughters, sometimes that the influence of alcohol was to blame for the incest, and that their daughters in some way desired and provoked the incest. Although we do not find any account of incest in the New Testament, we should not assume that incest or other forms of sexual abuse of women and children were unknown in the early Christian communities. Indeed, the social environment of early Christianity was sexually exploitative, and the first Christian churches struggled over the extent to which Christian sexual conduct should differ from that of the surrounding society. Yet the New Testament is silent over sexual intercourse which occurs within an established relationship of domination and subordination, in particular over the sexual exploitation of (female) slaves by (male) slave owners and of (female) children by (male) parents. The victims of such abuse in a patriarchal society are commonly female while the violators are overwhelmingly male. In the rules for a Christian household, which occur in Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3, children are required to obey their parents and slaves their masters alongside the demand that wives obey their husbands. No limits are set to this obedience. Certainly, the Christian church did not want to encourage incest, but its unwillingness to challenge the power relations between parents and children, between fathers and daughters in the patriarchal household, led the church to tolerate it. Where Christianity has been dominant, incest has been regarded as a sin and condemned in the legal code as a crime. Yet fathers have committed it with a large degree ofimpunity. There is a historical parallel between incest and infanticide. Fathers throughout much of Christian history have exposed infants or otherwise withdrawn life-sustaining care with practical immunity from punishment while unmarried mothers who did the same but not upon the authority of a husband were put to death. Christianity has undoubtedly favored loving fathers over tyrannical ones. Yet this preference has been qualitatively no different from the manner in which Christianity, where slavery existed, advocated kind rather than cruel masters. The Christian ethic of care in the relationship of children and parents has been undermined by an ethic of SUbjection. This situation has survived into the present. Women have increasingly emancipated themselves from the authority of husbands, yet the area of children's rights has remained nebulous. Children have no legal recourse against inappropriate forms of discipline and affection when these have not escalated into personal injury and overt sexual activity. Even when physical or sexual abuse has occurred, the economic and emotional dependence of children on parents presents often insurmountable obstacles to children seeking the protection they are due under the law. Much literature on the prevention of incest has targeted mothers. Mothers are indeed far less likely than fathers to be incest perpetrators. However, the families in which incest most often takes place conform highly to the traditional patriarchal model of a dominant father with a submissive mother. Mothers are frequently unable or unwilling to protect their children. Indeed, incest families often reproduce themselves. Since the vast majority of perpetrators are fathers and most victims are daughters, boys and girls learn that females are to be abused and dominated and males are to abuse and dominate. This learning is buttressed by their experience of how society at large still frequently idealizes the traditional patriarchal family which provided the dynamics for their family's incest. Christian churches are obviously among the chief purveyors of this ideology. Even in liberal congregations where the biblical injunctions of wives to obey their husbands and children their parents are glossed over or revised in the light ofcontemporary needs, the devastating effects of this Christian tradition on present women and children is ignored. How often have we heard (or given) a sermon which holds Christian teachings accountable for creating an atmosphere in which incest can flourish? How much of the church's pastoral care is geared to the reality that incest is occurring in the congregation? Does Christian ministry take into account the needs and experience of adult survivors of incest? For instance, the image of God as father, embedded as it is in a biblical tradition which contains the stories of Lot's daughters and the rules for a Christian household from Ephesians 6 and Colossians 3, evokes for the incest survivor not the sense ofloving nurture but that of exploitation and domination. Christian preaching should not avoid Genesis 19, Ephesians 6, and Colossians 3 but should tackle directly the harmful messages they convey about the human relationships ofthe family and the nature of the divine-human relationship, in as far as it draws its imagery from the human family. C hristians also need to reflect on the link between the basic presupposition of Genesis 19-that a daughter's sexuality exists for the benefit of her father-and violence, primarily but not exclusively violence against women. The profile ofthe rapist, which has emerged from recent research, emphasizes the connection between incest, homophobia, the domination of and violence towards women and patriarchal family values. The rapist is likely to have been sexually abused as a child and the rapist is vehemently homo-phobic. The rapist is not a sexually starved individual but is normally in a relationship with a woman where he is the dominant partner. And the rapist holds traditional patriarchal views about women's roles and the family. When one considers how Genesis 19 and the similar story in Judges 19 connect rape and a father's control of his daughter's sexuality, and when one ponders the homophobic interpretation that Christians have given these passages, then one becomes aware how traditional Christian teaching has fostered the mentality of the rapist. Relationships of domination always include the possibility of violence. The rapist converts what he considers as his God-given right to dominate and abuse women within the family into permission to commit violent acts against women outside the family. The rapist regards his crime as "natural" over against the homosexual behavior which he abhors. Christian theology and ethics seem too often to share the mental traits of the rapist. An inordinate amount of effort is expended asking which genital acts between which consenting adults are right or wrong. In contrast, very little reflection is given to the sexual violence against and the abuse of women and children which arise out of the patterns of domination in the traditional patriarchal family. Our Christian sexual ethics must break with the rapist mentality. Having seen clearly the detrimental effect of much Christian teaching on the evolution of a humane family, we must create a new image of the family as a community of equals where different capabilities and stages of development do not become excuses for domination and exploitation. In such families, boys would not learn to be violent and abusive and girls would not learn to be submissive and dependent. A respect for the sexuality of others would replace the views that women's sexuality exists for the benefit of men and that a daughter's sexuality exists for the benefit of her father. Such respect for the sexuality of others is necessary ifwe are going to overcome the societal evils of rape and sexual harassment of women, of sexual abuse of children, and of homophobia and violence towards gay men and lesbians. 0 THE GOOD SAMARITAN REVISITED By Beth Matheson There is II tllle w"ide creeps with silen« Ihrollgh 1M Ollre'" 1M people, Ihe com"",lIity. 11 whispers Ulce II hot willd 0" MrS which do IJOt WIMt to hear. if WOIIUIIt Iuu -..beaten. This 1M MrS heGr. TIre rest nulln by with tM wind. SIw WII8 beaten ;" .1aome, by • hIlSband. They tire well off, we see II ""PPI llUln'itlge, Ihree childrert. TIre wind sIIY' 'he """ to Ihe priest w/ro IIIid: "Go back. " She mllst retllm 10 • /rome; • responsibility WG$ to • "",1Huul iUUI her children. SM retllmaL He belli •• W1uu more w will IJOt hetll'. TIle willd blows ,ilertce to 011' etU'S. She """ 10 • mot•• Retll,n 10YO"' luuband;YOIl IIUJn'iaI him, YOlI ',e stuck with him. SIw retumaL He beat her. And forced . -whllt more w wiU nol hetll'. TIre willd CIII'rin it awllY. She ,."" illlo 1M street III1d cried. A lesbiall foulld.. "Get IIWIIY from him, " ,he SIIid. "You do"'1 deserre lhis. 1 know II IIIfe Iunue. Come. I'll show yoII." Alld 1M Iesbiall took her, Mlped • III1d remained a Sletldy friend. 1. Rafael Patai, Sex and Family in the Bible and the Middle EaYt, Garden C~ty, N.V., 1959, Of lhese, who WG$ lhe woman " neighbor? Reprinted with pemlission from Working Together to Pre~Dt Sexual and Domestic Violence, Center for 'he Prevention ofSelUll Qltd Domestic nolence. Spring/Summer 19M pp.138-44. Sheila Briggs is an aYsistant professor in the School of Religion at the University of Southern California. Originally from England. Sheila now lives in Claremont. California. OpenHands 5 Vwlence seems to be a male prerogative. Throughout history, men have perpetrated hostile acts on others and on themselves. It is not only physical stamina and strength that have lent themselves to male violence, but also a kind of historical entitlement to mastery that has justified violent behavior. Celebrated in both sacred and profane literature, the prerogative to violence is an established folkway in all cultures. Western society approves and condones violence, particularly in men, whereas revulsion is the general reaction to violent behavior by women.l Men are socialized to violence. Early in their lives, boys are introduced to roughhousing and, thus, are subtly encouraged to behave belligerently and aggressively. Female infants are handled as if they are fragile whereas male infants are not/ a not-so-subtle message to little boys to be tough. The heroes and role models provided for boys are spurs to aggressive behavior.3 The dread of being a sissy and the need to preclude becoming one by resorting to belligerence further induces men to be violent.4 The early encouragement to internalize all emotional reactions and to be self-sufficient and autonomous, no matter the cost, are the precursors of the harm that men do to themselves.5 Coupled with the admonition to a man not to let anyone see him cry is the message to reduce or eliminate all emotional responses. Ifmen cannot deal with their frustration through hurt and sadness, then only anger is left. Because in our culture anger is an acceptable trait in men, violence often results as a consequence of emotional restriction.6 A further impetus to violence by men is competitiveness.7Cultural notions of progress demand a fiercely competitive society, and it is men who have classically been trained to compete. This competition can obstruct intimacy or trust in relationships and cause men to act aggressively toward others who might outdistance them. The competitive urge can infiltrate all areas of a man's life, causing him to be constantly on guard. Anxiety results and sometimes culminates in violent acts. Along with the culturally imposed sanctions against intimacy, men are taught to confuse sexuality with violence.8 For women, intimacy and sexuality commonly are tied together; for men, they often are not. Men can share sex and feel no ties to the persons with whom they have been physicall~ intimate because they have not been emotionally intimate. Because of the lack of emotional intimacy, the violent images of male sexuality, and the desire to prove their masculinity through conquests, sex can become a violent act for men. MANIFESTATIONS OF MALE VIOLENCE Male violence is manifested in both blatant and subtle ways against women, men, children, and themselves. Blatant violence against women occurs in the form of physical and emotional abuse, harassment, and economic or social subjugation.lo The physical abuse includes rape, spouse battering, and any form of observable harm inflicted on women. Harassment occurs through sexual innuendo and suggestion in work and social situations in which women are not able to respond or escape. The gamut of harassment spans direct sexual propositioning or caressing to oversolicitous and lascivious interest in the individual. Economic and social SUbjugation surfaces in attempts to maintain the status quo. Women are seen as servants, and everything from demeaning tasks to inequality in remuneration is used to keep them subject economically. Social domination is maintained through various means designed to demonstrate and continue the illusion of masculine superiority. War, physical abuse, and institutionalized brutality are the general manifestations of the blatant violence men inflict on other men. I I The more subtle forms surface particularly in the economic and cultural SUbjugation of minority and lower-class men. However, with our economic system being hierarchically constructed, it actually demeans all who are a part of it. Because the structure is basically pyramidal, only those at the very apex do not feel controlled; however, even they, because of the stress created by the competition and struggle necessary to main taining their positions, are victims of the violence of our male-dominated society. Men's violence against themselves surfaces in the restrictions and constrictions placed on their lives. It also occurs in the depression that results from the anger internalized by deprivation ofautonomy as well as the inability to express, in a positive manner, the hostility resulting from restrictive socialization. Children are direct victims of male violence through physical and sexual abuse, which may begin in infancy and be maintained throughout childhood. Moreover, children are also forced to surrender their spontaneity and autonomy by a society dedicated to maintaining its exist ing structure. This enforced surrender commences with the intrinsic regimentation of our major social institutions: family, school, and religion. Aside from the blatant aspects of male violence, there are subtle and ambiguous manifestations of that violence. These subtle aspects are often insidious and potentially devastating because they clandestinely maintain the status quo, undermining and demoralizing those who are not male, powerful, and privileged. These forms ofviolence are manifested in sexism and misogyny, homophobia, homosexism, racism, and ageism. Se.lsm. Sexism and misogyny lead to the oppression of women economically and socially. This oppression is a product of fear and hatred of women. Men, believing that they are entitled to power and control, must vanquish anyone who threatens that entitlement. Women as a group can threaten that entitlement and, therefore, are treated as less than equal and are kept in subordinate positions.12 Homophobia. Homophobia, which is the fear or hatred of homosexuals and homosexuality, is a strong force in our society. Examples of homophobia range from outright physical harm, including murder, to legislative acts that turn gay men and lesbians into criminals. The use of institutional constraints, including legislation, to dominate a minority is an example of the way in which violence can be sublimated. Ho............ "Homosexism" is the projection onto other men of the negative qualities that men experience about themselves.13 Once the projection is made, men can be seen as enemies because they are perceived as bad or evil. Such a perception enables one to feel blameless when other men are mistreated. Homosexism in conjunction with homophobia gives license to all men. Racism. The desire to maintain status plus the projection ofone's own frailties onto another group is the basis of racism. That combination is further strengthened by the economic value of dominating another race or ethnic group (if racism can be stretched to include ethnic as well as racial groups). Age.sm. Discrimination against aged and aging persons is also an example of the subtle way in which violent impulses can be expressed. Older people are mistreated through discrimination and neglect. This mistreatment allows men, who orchestrate such behavior, to work through their aggression at those who dominated them when they were boys. Children are taught and urged to strive for autonomy and are often frustrated. The resulting hostility toward those adults can result in ageism. Violence in men is almost endemic and sometimes seems unlikely ever to change. Yet there is hope. With increased understanding and knowledge, it is possible for individuals and society to be helped. CASE EXAMPLES Frank is a 35-year-old man who scares his partner. At times Frank's anger is out 9f control when he is frustrated. His partner does not understand his frustration, primarily because Frank does not share his frustration in nonviolent ways. The partner does not understand why she or he is being shoved around the house, having things thrown at her or him, and being slapped across the face. Frank hurts so badly inside and feels so out ofcontrol that he cries with his fists. He has learned, from his father and other male role models, to seek relief and answers in ultimately futile ways when he feels out of control, unsure, and helpless. Frank needs a sense of self-respect, self-understanding, and self-love. Instead, he pursues domination, violation, and eventually self-pity. He fails to realize that he is damaging others and himself. His focus is usually inward, and he is afraid of being rejected and abandoned. Frank sees few options for himself. He sometimes feels suicidal and homicidal. Craig is 21 years old. He has learned about sex and sexuality from locker room lies and partial truths and from reading "girlie" magazines. Craig believes that he is learning about sex, but, in reality, he is learning to confuse sex and violence. Craig cannot be arrested for his catcalls, for telling rape jokes, or for having his hand pushed off his date's thigh three times within an hour. As our society says, "Boys will be boys." Yet boys in our culture grow up to be adolescents and adults who, as in Craig's case, sometimes do not realize that they violate others. Craig is probably not aware that the promise of male sexual prowess is a myth. Also, he is probably not aware that he is seeking a positive sense of self in inappropriate ways. As he pursues selfesteem with sexual conquests and stories, he does not realize that a positive self-image cannot be built and maintained through dishonesty, violence, coercion, and domination. When Craig sticks his head out of a car window and yells obscene suggestions to a woman, he knows, on some level, that he is hurting another person who has feelings just like his mother or sister. Along with this knowledge, at a deep level, come guilt, anger, and depression. This in tum restricts and confines Craig's ability to Open Hands 7 feel good as a sexual being and severely damages his selfconcept and self-worth. JOURNEYING TOWARD WHOLENESS There are a Frank and Craig inside most men. Helping men get in touch with the violent aspect of themselves is to help them begin a journey toward redefining their images of masculinity and femininity. It is also a journey that will help men forgive themselves and other men who have hurt them and not carry the burden of internalized guilt and self-pity. For many, the journey begins with a cue from the outside world or from the inside experience of something that is not working right. For some men, this cue is a feeling of emptiness in their relationships, depression, or impulse toward suicide. For others, help comes only after having been arrested for beating their spouse or abusing their child. The first part of men's journey is to get in touch with how much they are hurting. Talking about the hurt, sharing stories, and sharing secrets is the first step.14 Often there is a sense ofreliefand a feeling that they are not alone. Men see and experience that talking it out, risking, and being vulnerable will not devastate them. The second part of the journey involves reeducation. Evaluating and coming to grips with their ideas of what it means to be a man and what is entailed in that definition can be a precursor to relearning and resocializing old patterns.15 Men need a chance to talk about how and what they learned about being a man in reference to attitudes toward women, male friendships, homophobia, sexuality, work, expression of feelings, intimacy, fathering, power and control, money, and expression of anger; such discussions can be quite healing and enlightening. Awareness begins to allow men to put their violent behavior in a different frame of reference, enabling men to suspend temporarily some of their internalized anger and guilt and to accept their humanness. The third part of the journey involves a cognitive and emotional realization ofthe impact or cost that others have borne as a result of men's violence. This part of the journey may involve a remembering and verbalizing of both past and current victims of their violence. It is important for men to recognize the impact their behavior had on the objects of their violence. They must no longer numb themselves to the pain that they have inflicted. Men can begin to experience a sense of sadness ( outer-directed experience) rather than only feeling guilt or shame (inner-directed experience) for the damage they have done. The fourth phase of the journey involves discovering options and opportunities to feel good about oneself, to feel responsible, and to feel in charge of one's life without having to control, dominate, and humiliate others.16 It is in this phase of the journey that men learn what they may lose or need to give up in order to change. Some men are faced with losing peer acceptance; others are faced with the knowledge that they will not get their way all the time. Fear of these losses is based in reality and will often serve as a major block to change. Helping men stay in touch with the pain and the cost of maintaining the in-control, in-charge male machine concept helps break down their resistance to change. In addition, men must be introduced to and taught alternatives for meeting their needs. The fifth phase of the journey revolves around the concept offorgiveness. The ability to forgive oneself and others is a prelude to helping and teaching other men to be nonviolent. The process of forgiving oneself allows men to 8 Open Hands move beyond their guilt and shame to a view of themselves as individuals capable of changing and learning from their mistakes. CONCLUSION S ocial mores, familial experiences, and individual choice are all contributing factors in men's propensity toward violence. If male violence is to be reduced, then political, educational, and psychotherapeutic interventions must be made on many levels. Fortunately, efforts are being made today to effect these changes. On the social or institutional level, by readjusting the power differential between men and women (e.g., job opportunities, compensation, sexual harassment policies, affirmative action), the women's movement and the men's movement are working toward changing the attitudes, behaviors, and policies of a system that sanctions male superiority and privilege. On the individual and familial level, therapists are working with clients and their families to help stop the cycle of violence that is often passed down from generation to generation, while at the same time the men's and women's movements are motivating men to take individual and collective responsibility to stop violence. o REFERENCES 1. S. Brownmiller, Against Our Will (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1975). 2. R Gilmore, personal communication, 1984. 3. M. Gerzon, A Choice of Heroes (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1982). 4. D.S. David and R Brannon, eds., The Forty-nine Percent Majority: The Male Sex Role (Reading, Mass.: Addison-Wesley, 1976). 5. J. Harrison, "Warning: The Male Sex Role May Be Dangerous to Your Health,Journal ofSocial Issues 34 (1978):65-86. 6. J.M. ONeil, "Patterns of Gender Role Conflict and Strain: Sexism and Fear of Femininity in Men's Lives," Personnel and Guidance Journal 60 (1981 ):203-10. 7. RA Lewis, "Emotional Intimacy among Men," Journal ofSociaI Issues 34 (1978):109-21; M. Scher, "Men and Intimacy," Counseling and Values 25 (1981):62-68. 8. M. Stevens and R Gebhart, Rape Education for Men: Curriculum Guide (Columbus: The Ohio State University Rape Education Prevention Project, 1985). 9. R.A Lewis, R. Casto, W. Aquilino, and N. McGuffin, "Developmental Transitions in Male Sexuality," Counselil1g Psychologist 7, no. 4 (1978):15-19. 10. E. Stanko, Intimate Intrusions (London: Rutledge & Kegan Paul, 1985). II. P. Chesler, About Men (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1978). 12. N. Carlson, personal communication, 1984; G. Greer, The Female Eunuch (New York: McGraw-Hill, 1970). 13. G.K Lehne, "Homophobia among Men," pp. 66-88 in David and Brannon, The Forty-nine Percent Majority. 14. M. Scher, "Men in Hiding: A Challenge for Counselors," Personnel and Guidance Journal 60 (1981): 199-202. 15. N. Malmuth and E. Donnerstein, eds., Pornography and Sexual Aggression. Orlando, Aa.: Academic Press, 1984); J. ON eil, "Gender Role Conflict and Strain in Men's Lives," pp. 5-41 in K Solomon and N. Levy, eds., Men in Transition (New York: Plenum Press, 1982); J. Pleck, "The Male Sex Role: Definitions, Problems, and Sources of Change," Journal ofSocial Issues 32(1976):155-64. 16. Stevens and Gebhart, Rape Education for Men. Mu"ay Scher is a psychologist in private practice, Greeneville, Tennessee. Mark Stevens is coordinator of training, University Counseling Services, University ofSouthern California, Los Angeles. He is the spokesperson for the National Organization for Changing Men and is active in antirape work. This arlicle is excerpted from an arlicle by the same name in Journal of Counseling and Development, March 1987. Copyright AACD. Reprinted with permission. No further reproduction authorized without written permission of AACD. By Chip Aldridge o Saturday, October 10, 1987, as one of the events related to the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights, a National Round Table Discussion on Anti-Gay and Lesbian Violence and related issues was held at a hotel in the nation's capitol. The organizers of this meeting-the San Francisco Community against Violence and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force (NGLTF)-had anticipated a small turnout considering the other major march-related events that were in conflict with the gathering. To their surprise, the small meeting room was overflowing with those who had come from across the United States and even Great Britain to learn more about the increasing epidemic of persons being threatened, assaulted, or killed because of their perceived sexual orientation. Participants discussed strategies for monitoring the patterns and results of anti-gay/lesbian violence and for advocating for those who survive "fag-bashing." A NATIONAL PROBLEM The statistics are staggering. In 1986,4,946 acts of anti-gay/lesbian violence and victimization from across the United States were reported to NGLTF. That figure was more than two times the 2,042 incidents reported to the task force in 1985. Yet, insists NGLTF, "these episodes account for only a very small fraction of the actual number that occurred in 1986 since anti-gay episodes in the vast majority of U.S. towns and cities were not reported" to the task force.) The incidents ranged from verbal attacks to physical assaults to homicide. Eight percent involved police abuse, harassment, or negligence. Anti-gay/lesbian violence occurs in all parts of the country. The New York City Gay and Lesbian Anti-Violence Project reported that its caseload increased 86% in 1986. Approximately 1,300 of the cases reported to NGLTF in 1986 came from North Carolina. Another study published in 1986 reported on 734 victimizations in Alaska due solely to sexual orientation. There is little doubt that much of this increase is attributable to fears of AIDS or to homophobes' perceptions that AIDS legitimizes their prejudices. Reference to AIDS was made in 14% of the incidents reported to NGLTF in 1986. According to Kevin Berrill, director of the task force's Anti-Violence Project, "What AIDS has done is simply give the bigots and bashers the justification to attack gays.,,2 Yet, he notes, very little has been done in the way of organizing to educate against homophobic violence, in contrast to the way so much organizing has been done in response to the AIDS crisis. Outside of the gay/lesbian press, one might seldom come across reports of these incidents. Many Americans may be aware of the 1978 murder of openly gay San Francisco supervisor Harvey Milk by Dan White, another San Francisco supervisor. But they may not have heard of other incidents to which lesbian/gay newspapers and magazines have worked hard to draw attention: o Charlie Howard, a gay man, was killed by being thrown off a bridge in Bangor, Maine, by three young men in July 1984. o In Morristown, New Jersey, on February 26, 1987, a gay man was beaten, slashed, and burned with a cigarette by three men. They then tied him behind their truck and drove off, dragging him along a dirt road. o On September 6, 1986, in Portland, Maine, three women were assaulted by an assailant who called them anti-lesbian epithets and left one of them with a fractured jaw, several broken teeth, and bruised ribs. o In March 1986, Jeffrey McCourt, the editor of the Windy City Times, a Chicago lesbian/gay newspaper, was beaten with a baseball bat by an intruder who broke into his office. Incidents such as these victimize far more persons than those who are directly assaulted. They result in increased worry and tension among gay men and lesbians in general since one does not have to actually experience anti-gay/ lesbian violence to live with ongoing fear of violence and the knowledge that gay men and lesbians do not have equal protection under the law. Open Hands 9 EXTERNAL AND INTERNAL R EALITIES OF WHAT NEEDS To BE DONE? Those involved in fighting antigay/lesbian violence have numerous suggestions on what needs to be done to curb this epidemic. One of the most effective tools they recommend is documentation of this type of violence. Not only physical violence and homicide but also verbal harassment or threats of violence, objects thrown, vandalism, bombings, bomb threats, and arson need to be recorded to show the scope of the violence that offends the dignity and security of any lesbian or gay man. Particularly important is maintaining information on verbal or physical abuse by local police or the harassment or negligence that can occur when police are called into gay/ lesbian-related situations. When the system works against the rights of a gay/lesbian person, the victim of a crime becomes re-victimized. Currently, virtually all the information gathered on anti-gay/lesbian violence is collated by private interest and advocacy groups such as NGLTF. California is the only state that requires authorities to record victimization in crimes by sexual orientation. As this article is being written, the U.S. House of Representatives has on its agenda the "Hate Crime Statistics Act" (H.R. 3193), which would require the U.S. Department of Justice to compile statistics not only on crimes motivated by ethnic, racial, or religious prejudice but also on crimes based on sexual orientation. The bill was approved by the House Judiciary Committee in October 1987 by a vote of22 to 11; consideration by the full House is not expected until sometime in 1988. Too often those who lobby for lesbian/gay rights approach city, state, or federal officials with pleas for attention to the problems of homophobic violence are met with surprised looks and the question, "Are there really problems with violence against lesbians and gay men?" The officials are unaware of the issue because fear of exposure and lack of protection under current laws deter a majority of people who suffer in situations of anti-gay/ lesbian violence from reporting the crime. And many of those who do attempt to report crimes find themselves the accused by virtue of admitting their sexual orientation. 10 Open Hands ~J~ Tiolence. Humiliation. Degradation. Pain. Fear. Denial ofdignity. All~r\~1\ ~V ~re at least a part of the life of every gay man and lesbian. ~:qJil\t Members of any disenfranchised or oppressed group can cite incidents and name fear ofviolence based solely on whatever makes those individuals different, be it race, culture. religion, physical ability, etc. Members ofthe gay/ lesbian community experience violence based on their homosexuality almost daily. from both external and internal sources. External violence, of course, stems largely from society's hatred of anything or anyone who follows a different path or who simply is different from society's norm. Throughout our society, one of the possible punishments for being lesbian or gay has been physical or sexual abuse. I was once speaking with a group of college students about the issues of homosexuality. After a lengthy discussion affirming that indeed gay men and lesbians exist and make up approximately 10 percent of the population, a student in the group calculated that on this small campus of 1.500 students. there were probably 150 homosexuals. Expecting to hear an affirming response, I heard from this student instead, "Let's line them up and shoot them." Lesbians and gay men know that they frequently have legitimate reason to fear for their physical safety. They know they often must be attentive when leaving a gay or lesbian bar, wondering if someone will be waiting outside to attack anyone who has been there. They know that if two women or two men are seen expressing tenderness or affection to each other-simply holding hands or embracing-the result may be beating. rape. or public harassment or ridicule. External violence can be psychological and emotional as well as physical. Lesbians and gay men may fear being rejected. denied. or labeled as maladjusted. sick, or perverted by families and friends. Thus. they may celebrate a new relationship alone, keeping it hidden and sharing it only with those who are trusted or who cannot deny employment, housing, love, or acceptance. Safety. affirmation, and acceptance are needs and desires everyone has. When any of these is denied based on sexual identity, fear and isolation fill the void. How this affects an individual is often profound. Actions are censored, and decisions are altered by the possibility for abuse. In short, the results of fear ofexternal violence can be another form of violence-internal violence. Its results can be devastating. Fear turned inward is one of the most pervasive and painful realizations of individual members of the gay/lesbian community and of society as a whole. In trying to build a community's existence, violence turned inward works to destroy trust, relationships, and lives. Fear turned inward results in escape The Front Page, a lesbian/gay newspaper for the Carolinas, ran an extensive story in its September 8, 1987, issue on the significant impact even a few testimonies on anti-gay/lesbian violence can have in affecting the attitudes of elected officials.3 In August 1986 the Rev. June Norris, pastor of St. John's Metropolitan Community Church in Raleigh. North Carolina, received a message on her office answering machine: ''I'm gonna kill all you fags ... because I hate you fags ... I'm gonna kill all you god-damned queers." The caller alluded that blood would be shed at the following Sunday's service of worship. Police were called in to search for bombs. None were found. but the police remained on guard at the church for the duration of the service. Nancy Parr, a member of the city's Human Resource and Human Relations Advisory Committee, found the bomb scare especially alarming since she belongs to the church that rents space to St. John's. She voiced her realization to The Front Page, "If someone could plant a bomb and injure any of us, it was no longer an us-versusthem." Parr asked Rev. Norris to present her experiences along with data on other anti-gay/lesbian-related violence to the advisory committee. Rev. Norris's testimony led to a , committee recommendation that legis: I 1I tNTI-GAy/LESBIAN VIOLENCE through alcohol and drugs. one of the most destructive and prominent realities of the lesbian/gay world. Fear turned inward creates unsafe relationships ofsexual and physical battering, ofemotional abuse. ofvictims being left to feel isolated and crazy, of feeling that the abuse was somehow deserved or justified as punishment simply for whom they love. Few gay men and lesbians wish to acknowledge-much less write about and educate others on-the problems of internalized gay and lesbian violence. The reasons for this are many. First ofall is sadness. the feeling that I didn't go to the trouble of accepting my sexuality, stepping away from the norm of society. only to once again deal with these issues within my community that I hoped was my home. Lesbians and gay men working toward community experience grief and a sense of loss upon seeing the difference between that which is hoped for and needed and that which is real. Fear of articulating internal violence also stems from a desire that this should not be public information. Ifa homophobic society finds out that gay men and lesbians sometimes are batterers in relationships. that lesbian and gay pornography frequently promotes and portrays sadomasochism and exploitation. this is more that can be used against homosexuals. I am personally saddened and angered when I go to a book store for gay men and lesbians and find that which is presented as erotica and sexual expressions often to be no more than a mirror of exploitation and unequal relationships as found in heterosexual pornography. Fighting sexual violence and exploitation within the gay/lesbian community can be difficult When I have tried, as a writer, to identify these internal sources ofviolence against my own community, reactions from within the gay and lesbian community as well as from the straight world have been frightening. Whom will this knowledge harm? For whom will it reaffirm that gay men and lesbians should be shunned and feared? For which ofmy friends or acquaintances will this be the beginning of the end of our relationship? All these are valid concerns. Yet I firmly believe that only through identifying these issues will victims ofviolence be able to identify their own abuse as abuse. Ifwe can all acknowledge these issues. ifwe can all take responsibility for ending our own violent behaviors and for holding accountable those who are violent toward us. perhaps we will begin to regain our power. And perhaps we will be able to work together to create safe places. 0 Marianne Winters is associate director for direct service at the Rape Crisis Program of Worcester, Massachusetts. She is the former cochair person ofthe Task Force on Pornography and Legislation for the National Coalition against Sexual Assault. lation in the state legislature to protect was provided by the city about crimes those whose civil rights are violated for against lesbian/gay people. racial or ethnic reasons be expanded to The anger generated by the city's cover sexual orientation. But in May, callous response moved the Human when the bill came before the Raleigh Resource and Human Relations AdCity Council, the council refused to visory Committee to schedule a hearendorse it on the grounds that "Gay ing in the Raleigh City Council rights resolutions tend not to further chambers. Then the stories were heard. understanding and tolerance but rather More than 20 individuals came forto stir up an emotional issue." Instead ward to recount incidences of beatings, the council asked the city staff to invesharassment, police talking people out tigate violence against Raleigh's of pursuing cases, violence from hate lesbian/gay citizens. Three days later, groups, flyers and brochures-some of Raleigh Police Chief F.K. Heineman which talked about "killing queers"issued his two-paragraph report: "Our and people losing their children jn criminal records indicate there is not a court or being blackmailed in divorce pattern of victimization of homosexsituations. uals in the city." No other information How far this type of testimony will push local officials to take action cannot yet be determined, but in the Raleigh area it clearly has mobilized the local lesbian/gay community to act for themselves. Those who have come together since the Raleigh hearing have adopted a far-reaching agenda of victim's aid, police relations and education, religious outreach, documentation, media watch, and voter education. They are finding more and more people outside the gay/ lesbian community in favor of the plans they are proposing. Their experience has been repeated in communities all over the county-and needs to be repeated by many more. Most people feel that nobody should be subjected to violence, unwarranted job loss, or loss of housing because of whom they happen to love. It's not a gay/lesbian vs. heterosexual issue. As one person in Raleigh noted, it's an issue of enlightened people vs. bigots. ONE MORE INCIDENT Afriend recently told me of an incident where two lesbians were walking together on the street one evening in Washington, D.C. They were approached by a man who perceived them to be homosexuals and began a tirade of religiously related pronouncements against them, becoming more and more angry. The women felt intimidated and endangered as the man became more hostile toward them. Suddenly as part of his "attack" he began singing the hymn "Amazing Grace," perhaps under the impression that it would have detrimental affects on homosexuals. Automatically one of the women joined him by singing the alto harmony part. The attacker then apologized for mistakenly bothering two Christian "sisters" who could not possibly be homosexuals and left them in peace. Amazing grace! 0 REFERENCES l. National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, "Anti-Gay Violence, Victimization, and Defamation in 1986," 1987, p. 3. 2. "Fear ofAIDS Stirs New Attacks on Homosexuals," New York Times, April 24, 1987. 3. "Testimony on Anti-Gay Violence Heard," The Front Page, September 8, 1987. Chip Aldridge is assistant to the dean ofstudents at Wesley Theological Seminary in Washington, D.C.,from which he has an MDiv. degree. Open Hands 11 e were together for two years. The abuse began early on, though I didn't know enough then to make such a connection. Though a lesbian feminist activist for years at that point, I still thought of battering as, first, a male-against-female act, and second, as being a physically violent act. I had no concept ofwhat emotional, psychological, and spiritual abuse was about. Like many battered people, I didn't see it coming. And if I had had a sense about what lay ahead, I was far too ignorant to call it what it was. After all, we were in love and we were intelligent women of high political consciousness (whatever that means). I need to clarify at this point that the abuse I suffered was mostly verbal and emotional, which many battered people will testify as being the real event. You can be involved in a devastatingly brutal relationship, with all of the extreme emotional consequences, and never have a hand raised against you. For myself, the physical outbreak ofviolence occurred infrequently, but I lived with the knowledge that the threat or possibility of physical violence could happen. I was often distracted from the real issue in our relationship and quieted by her reminders that the brutality suffered by her lovers previous to myself was far worse than anything I suffered, physically. I'm sure this is true, but the real message she was delivering (and which I bought) was that I didn't have anything to complain about since others had suffered more harm than I, and after all, she was trying to control herself. I backed off. I understood. I forgave. And I felt sorry for her. I still feel sorry for her. Well, it's more like pity. She came from a home situation where she was the victim of what ranged from severe neglect to severe violence, which I later became convinced also included sexual abuse, though she would never betray her family by claiming such a thing. She was so afraid and so tormented by her past. I listened and I held her through all the tears and the horror stories and the re-living of the terrifying and bloody nightmares she experienced so often. I sometimes felt like I was taking care of a scared little girl while she told her stories with all intense emotions as though it were twenty-five minutes instead of twenty-five years that had passed since the actual event. She carried such a rage around inside of her. Part of me was paralyzed with fear of that rage and part of me wanted to relieve her of its burden and torture. I loved her for her ability and willingness to survive a childhood filled with such trauma and pain, and I sympathized. We moved right into a way of relating in which it became my role in our relationship to make up for all that pain, all those terrifying times and denial of love. Clearly an unhealthy way of relating. but it wasn't clear to me at the beginning. I thought the strength of our love could heal those old wounds. And I felt for a long time that I had failed her. We loved each other and I was taken with the apparent intensity of her feelings for me. I guess "dramatic" might be more accurate a term, but it was the first relationship for me in which the woman I was so in love with was also in love with me. I couldn't believe my fortune. There was all the special ness and passion I had ever wanted. She was striking and intelligent and always willing to take a stand. We opposed and fought sexism, racism, and homophobia, with pride and conviction. The stickler in our little paradise was a growing habit of condescension which I at first interpreted as a byproduct of ageism (she was ten years older than I). She didn't seem to value my opinions much and had little trust in my intellect. My stories more amused than moved her and I became more and more hurt by it. I let it go and let it go until I could let it go no more. The next put-down was met with a challenge. I let her know that some of her attitudes towards me were insulting and I felt I deserved more respect. From that came our first fight (a yelling match) in which she told me that if I was so insulted and felt that I was being treated so badly, I could leave. I took her apartment key off my key ring, left it on the bed and headed for the door. That's when the first incidence of violence occurred. In the following two years, I tried to walk out on her many times; each time the attempt was met with physical violence or threats of suicide. The physical abuse I endured ranged from pushing and being restrained against my will to slaps and a tackle 12 Open Hands I which produced a back injury that left me in pain for several months. I never sought medical help, mostly out of fear of having to explain or lie about what had happened. My injuries were not visible, except perhaps in my mood. For many months I repeated to myself, ··This is not happening:' I knew it was and did not want to believe it. It was a very personal hell. There was the time that she made a move to strangle me, and was shocked that I bothered to defend myself. And there was the time when she woke me in the middle of the night with her crying because she had awakened to find me sleeping so still that she imagined she must have killed me. There were the tantrums and the dramatic mood swings. I was at a loss to try to find the rhyme or reason to what would set her off. There was' the time I had to talk her out of buying a gun, not out ofany strong convictions on my part around gun control, but because I thought I had a pretty good idea whom she might threaten with it Itwas the only time in my life I've ever used the words ""I forbid it!" I allowed her to convince me that I was the one who instigated the abuse. Itseems that any time my needs differed from hers, I was being abusive. Ifshe wanted to go to the movies and I wanted to stay home and finish schoolwork, that was supposed to be abusive on my part. Fights erupted almost daily over these kinds of things, and I gradually came to see that for her this was normal. Every couple fights, right'? But our conflicts were almost constant and I gradually lost weight (down to eighty-nine pounds, at one point), I was constantly exhausted and suffered from headaches and an ulcer condition. I developed several cysts and PIO and was almost hospitalized for these lack-of-health conditions. In trying to relate to my best friend what was happening to my body (which for all ofmy life up to that point had been relatively free from illness) I realized that for the months that this condition was developing, my lover had repeated to me many times that I was going to die. Upon learning of this my best friend said, "For Christsakes, she's talking you into it! You've got to get away from it." Which I did for three days. Long enough to fast, do some soul-searching meditation! healing work, and set into process a momentum to correct the conditions that had caused the deterioration of my health. We were together only six months after that. I had told her at one point that I would no longer accept apologies from her, figuring that it was in part my forgiving of these acts that allowed her to tum around and repeat them. All I actually succeeded in doing was obliterating the only nice phase of our relationship-the "making-up" phase. Our relationship became a two-part cycle: tension-abuse, tension-abuse. I remember thinking that the only way out, the only way to change this situation was for one of us to die. I couldn't leave her because ofthe threats and also because I still loved and needed her. I was halfconvinced I'd never find love again and not so sure that I would want to after this anyway. But death came to seem the only way out and that thought scared me. I came to understand how battered people sometimes finally murder their batterers. But I found another way out: I went to therapy. She left me two weeks later. Mter two years ofthe confusion of our relationship (How could someone who loves me treat me this way?), suffering accusations, and always struggling to prove myself and my love and yet blaming myself, I was left emotionally and behaviorally paralyzed. I worked with an excellent counselor who had some experience counseling lesbians and some experience counseling battered women, but never a battered lesbian. We did good work together and with the patience and support of my close friends and an understanding family I set out to recover and to transform my pain into personal power. I worked through guilt and fear and my own outrage at what I had put up with. Mter all the self-doubt and self-blame, it was a powerful realization and an important step in self-affirmation to be able to say that it was not wrong of me to trust her. It was wrong of her to betray my trust. Along with personal counseling I did the feminist thing and began to work on bringing the issue ofbattering in gay and lesbian relationships out of the closet. I hooked up and helped to form a group called RUTH, which was a support group for battered lesbians. Along with my friend Blair, I put on workshops, did interviews with the lesbian press, circulated information on how to determine if you are a battered person, spoke to mental health groups and shelter workers. We received phone Open Hands 13 calls from women all over the country, proof that our HOMOPHOBIA I~ experience was not an isolated and unique problem. As with many problems that we confront within our community, we translate the personal pain and fear into activity. We form support groups, organize conferences. ar from being monolithic or homoset up hotlines. provide safe space and opportunities for geneous, the battered women's movelearning, sharing and healing. We present our stories of F ment incorporates differences among women in ideology, horror and survival. We cry, we mourn, we get angry. We class, race, ethnicity, education, skill and knowledge level, blame ourselves. we blame someone else and eventually and sexual preference. The fight against battering bonds work our way to the calm after the storm, pick up our diverse groups of women. The battered women's movement pouch of learnings and move on. Some of us move on to cannot escape the reality that gender is not the only oppresother issues. working against other forms of assault on sion many women face. Because the potential strength of the our people and our spirit, and carrying with us an movement lies partly in its diversity it is now at a point where awareness and a reclaiming of the right and the ability in order to realize this potential, it must acknowledge difand the courage to love, and to no longer live in fear. We ferences and struggle with them internally. laugh again. Homophobia has made its ugly way into shelters, forcing For me. the real crime, the real sin in battering is the lesbians to leave the movement or, more frequently, to fear that it strikes in a person's heart. Anything that remain silent about their identities. Homophobia has makes you afraid is an act against your spirit, for when divided and will continue to divide the movement unless you are afraid, you don't really live. heterosexual women confront it in themselves and their I resent the phone calls (since our break-up) from my organiza tions. ex to inform me ofher latest suicide attempt, and then the Women often suggest that sexual preference is a personal remorse and tears over the ending of our relationship. choice that has no place in movement discussions. This posiAnd the angry reminders that a "relationship is a two-way tion denies the significance of homophobia-the irrational street, you know, Donna!" Yes, a relationship is a two-way fear ofwomen emotionally and sexually loving each otherstreet Abuse isn't necessarily. My point is: the abuse and heterosexism-defining heterosexuality as the only nordoesn't always end with the divorce. mal sexual expression within our society. As an attempt to I still don't know why. when it is so common to grow deny all women the right to define themselves, homophobia up with violence in all its forms, that some people go on to attacks the right to self-determination that is the foundation continue the tradition of violence and some people of the battered women's and women's liberation movements. manage to rise above that particular training and do good Sexual identity is an obvious political issue within work and lead loving lives. I don't know what makes the shelters, where residents face their own ambivalence about difference. living in all-female environments. The homophobia of this I still have not found it in myself to forgive her. I someculture, which teaches most people to fear and label as sick times think that if I forgive her that it will somehow make or evil same-sex love, leads both residents and staff to worry me vulnerable to her again. I'll never trust her to put my about identifying too closely with other women. rights ahead of her violent impulses. As they live in shelters, sorting through their experiences, battered women inevitably raise questions about what it Emeans to be a woman. Heterosexual staff often join with arly on, when Blair and I were first putting out them as they share their personal journeys, but lesbians, literature on the RUTH support group, we were some of them former battered women, have been asked to asked, "So? Who's battering the lesbians?" Cringe. Some dykes tried to explain my own experience away by pointing out all the "stress factors" in my relationship. There women abusing women, the discomfort and anger was an age difference. We were of different racial and experienced by the community has, at times, been leveled class backgrounds. She was more educated than I ... against the victim. perhaps we were unconsciously acting out "roles." Ifa straight woman shows up with black eyes, swollen These arguments imply a belief that somewhere there lips, and broken arms and a story about walking into is an understandable reason for battering. Enough stress, doors, falling down stairs, whatever, anyone of us would enough complicating factors, enough "provocation" and assume violence to be the true culprit. But when the same violence is bound to occur. No! We've learned better than thing happens to our sister, we often don't see it. I was as that after all these years providing safe space for straight guilty of this form of denial as anyone. women. A word about the shelter community: There are powerful forces here at work against the batLesbians laid much ofthe groundwork ofthe feminist tered lesbian. They are called Shame and Denial. Not theory around why and how violence against women only does the battered lesbian or gay man feel the same occurs-some of which our own experience forces us to doubt and guilt associated with victimization, there is revise, the main point being that we can no longer afford also the additional pressure caused by a community to view violence as exclusively a male-against-female which has, up until recently, buried its collective head in phenomenon, but rather as a control issue. As we began the sand. When pushed to confront the problem of gaining more acceptance and support for the work ofpro14 Open Hands ~~! V WOMEN'S SHELTERS hide their choices. Not only is this painful for lesbian staff, but it means that battered women who want to explore lesbianism as a positive, self-affirming choice are given no support. The heterosexism and homophobia of the larger society are once again reinforced, and it becomes clear that sexual preference remains more than just a "personal choice." / Openly acknowledging that they are lesbians places individuals in vulnerable positions and some women advocate only selectively revealing their sexual and lifestyle preferences. Lesbians fear not only for their personal positions, but for that of the shelter in general. Frightened residents and angry communities still accuse shelters of "recruiting" battered women and their children to lesbian lifestyles. Some women assert that the battered women's movement Will lose public support and funding if it acknowledges the role oflesbians in the movement. Increasingly, lesbians have organized to affirm their identities, break the enforced silences, and share their anger and II fear of attack. Sensitizing heterosexual women to lesbian concerns, including those of battered lesbians, and educating them about their role in combatting hom phobia, have been frequent conference efforts. More sensitizing workshops and consciousness raising groups are needed to explore sexuality, homophobia, and heterosexism. If the battered women's movement, and heterosexual women within it in particular, recognize that lesbian energy galvanized a movement, saved women's lives, and provided creative, sustaining direction to programs and to a national struggle, some of the internal problems and right-wing I' attacks might dissipate. Women identified women-lesbian II and heterosexual-started shelters, and current activists I; must insure that the movement neither denies its history nor the rights of women within it. 0 Excerpted from Women and Male VIOlence by Susan Schechter (Boston: --South End Press, 1982). viding safe space for battered women in mainstream society, receiving various forms of public and private funding, we were forced to become more closeted in order to attract and maintain that mainstream community support. Many lesbians turned their positions over to straight workers. moving into loseted work or other women's issues. Then lesbians, experiencing violence in our own relationships, turned to these same safe-spaces that we had helped to create and were turned away. Somehow, in the transition from grassroots lesbian staff to mainstream straight staff, some basic information was lost. And we were forgotten. In some cases, the shelter workers just did not know what to do with us. How is a battered lesbian or gay man different from a battered straight woman (or straight man)? How does one counsel a person of another lifestyle? Which issues are the same? Which are different? Consequently, lesbians and gay men were without safe space and community resources for dealing with their situations or recovering from them. I know of many instances of lesbians and gays being denied help here in my city. My ex's previous lover, seeking shelter one night. afraid for her life, was turned away, ironically by the same institution that later employed my ex as a relief counselor while she was abusing me. The stories go on: denial ofmedical assistance to a lesbian who was knifed by a woman she had left; police officers not bothering to make out a report on an assault case; sexual attacks within our own community; a lesbian psychotherapist who is known to have brutalized ten different women (some to the point of mutilation); a gay activist being threatened and terrorized by a former lover, years after breaking off the relationship. And so the question remains: What do we do with the batterers in our community? What is our responsibility to our brothers and sisters who may become the next victim? What do we do about those individuals whom we know or suspect are batterers or battered? Are there creative, workable ways of attending to this problem in our communities? We're learning not to cover up. And not to make excuses for the violence that occurs and not take responsibility for a batterer's actions. We are beginning to demand accountability from those who commit abusive acts. I t's been quite a few years since I've dealt with this issue on a community level and on a personal level. It all seemed quite behind me. Most of it is. I have recovered. for the most part. But in the last two weeks, I found myself writing in my journal (though I had not set out to) about the one incident at the end of my battering relationship when I finally acted in self-defense, leaving cuts and bruises. An incident about which I experienced an almost suicidal sense of shame and guilt. I hadn't realized that was something I carried like a sin. I had to work that one through, and it's five years later. Also, in the last few weeks, I've learned of two attacks in this area. And I cried when viewing The Burning Bed, reliving some of the fear, the helplessness, the loneliness, and the perception that death is the only way out. I've noticed during the course ofthis writing an urge in me to give my ex "an out." Allow her an excuse for what happened. Part of me still doesn't believe that this happened. Part of me still fears retribution. But I'm not going to allow her or any abusive person an out. I want them all to be held accountable for their choices and their actions. 0 Donna Cecere is a native New Yorker, resides in Denver where she works in pharmacy and is active in the Colorado AIDS Project. Th is article is excerpted, with permission, from an essay by the same name in Naming the Violence: Speaking Out about Lesbian Battering. edited by Kerry Lobel for the National Coalition against Domestic Violence Lesbian Task Force (Seattle: The Seal Press, 1986). Copyright 1986 by the National Coalition against Domestic Violence. Open Hands 15 THE WOMEN POF OWER SAND PIRIT By Peggy Hutchinson VIOLATED OF W en I first began to listen to the stories of the women of Central America, I heard them as individual horror stories, as atrocities that had been committed against individual women. For each story there was a face and a name. Rosa was a young Salvadoran student who slept in a different house every night in order to continue her involvement in a student organization. A single mother, there were many nights when she would not see her young daughter. This passionate young woman told me matter of factly of her friends who had been killed by the military of EI Salvador. Juana was one such woman. Juana was captured by Salvadoran soldiers while she was in her last months of pregnancy. Juana was later found with her stomach sliced open, her head severed from her body, and stuffed inside her gorging wound. Juana's bloody dead fetus lay next to her on the ground. Rosa, a friend of Juana's fled in fear to "el norte" after she learned that her name appeared on a death list. Maria, a middle-aged catechist who worked for the Roman Catholic Church in EI Salvador, was grabbed from the grocery store late one afternoon by the treasury police. For eight days Maria survived repeated rapes and torture by the military forces of her country: beatings to her breasts and knees with metal and wooden clubs, broomsticks rammed up her vagina, strangulation, and more. I still wonder today how Maria survived to tell her story after being thrown off a bridge from a speeding truck while tied and gagged. 16 C E N T R A LAM E RIC A: Ramona, Sylvia, Alicia, and her newborn baby didn't live to tell their tales of terrorism. Their younger brother, a Guatemalan campesino, still sees the fire when he closes his eyes. He and his father had gone to work in the fields when the Guatemalan army entered the village in the late morning, raped the women, beat the baby to death, locked the screaming Ramona, Sylvia, and Alicia in their home, and torched it. When Carlos and his father saw the billowing smoke from the fields, they came running. It was too late to save their family. Perhaps I felt a naive hope that the atrocities committed against these women were isolated acts. Surely, their experiences were not the norm. Painfully and sadly, I began to weave together the stories I was hearing. Though the specific incidents changed, a frighteningly similar pattern of violence emerged. This is what war means to the women in Central America. International human rights organizations (such as the International Red Cross, Americas Watch, and Amnesty International) have provided well-documented evidence of the horrors perpetrated against women of El Salvador, Guatemala, and Honduras by the military regimes of their nations. Additional terrorism against women of Nicaragua has also been uncovered by these international human rights organizations. Their rapes, mutilations, and murders, though, are not government sponsored, but are perpetrated by the U.S. backed "Contra" forces. For me, each reported statistic of torture isn't only a number, but is a name, a face, and a powerful, courageous spirit. T here were times in the dusk of the mystical Sonoran desert-when the tapestry of blue, purple, violet, pink, and orange clouds danced across the fading horizonthat I thought I could listen no more to the stories of these brave women. I didn't want to hear about the countless varieties of torture used against Salvadoran women in the political prisons of EI Salvador. Or about the monthly massacres of Guatemalan Indian women and children living in the highlands. I didn't want to hear about the 500-pound fragmentation bombs paid for by U.S. tax dollars and dropped on innocent Salvadoran women and children. Or about what it felt like to have white phosphorus bombs, described as "flaming liquid," burn throughout one's body. I didn't want to hear about the Honduran children, with venereal disease sores in their young mouths, who had been lured into sexual relations by U.S. soldiers located a few miles from their village. My ears cried "no more!" as they were told of Honduran women who had been forced into prostitution so that their starving children could be fed. As painful as the stories were for me to listen to, I was doing only that. . .listening. The survivors of these atrocities were the ones who mysteriously were able to comfort me. These uprooted, terrorized, tortured women had transcended the war that defined their very lives. From the wellspring of their soul they found strength and power to keep on fighting for life in all of its fullness. Time and time again I would ask myself, as I would ask my Central American sisters: "Do you still believe in a God of justice and liberation? Why do you still have hope?" I am only beginning to grasp and fully understand the responses these women gave. They speak of love: love for life; love that is determined to defend life, even if that means sacrificing one's life for friends, family, and country. They speak of truth: of telling the truth about the reality of the wars in Central America, and how the United States is involved in the wars. They speak of resistance: of resistance to iron-fisted rulers and to exploitation. They speak of solidarity: a solidarity between the people of Central America and the people of North America that can bring justice and peace to their homelands. Finally, they speak of hope: a hope that transcends the daily brutalities from which they have fled; hope for .nations free from war, violence, and hunger. Hope that lives on in the spirit of the people. Some time ago, I met a Salvadoran refugee woman who at first I did not recognize. Later I realized she was Maria, the Salvadoran catechist described in this story. "Remember the saying from EI Salvador I shared with you?" she asked as we embraced. "Hope is the last part.of a person that dies." The tears streaming down our faces melted together. When I asked Maria what she was doing, she told me of her involvement in a Salvadoran Women's Federation organized to educate people in the U.S. Then she pulled out a stack of papers. "And," she said, ''I'm writing poetry." Whenever I think of Maria, I think of her poem written to honor the Salvadoran mother. "Mother" ends this way: Today, I said I'll look for you no longer, beloved son; Even though my heart is broken; May God grant me peace ofmind; So I may embrace as my own true child; That thing for which you're still fighting; And which you often told me was so beautiful; Which is called UBERTY! UBERTY! LIBERTY! 0 Peggy Hutchison is the director of the Border Ministries Program ofthe Desert Southwest Conference ofthe UMC. Open Hands 17 MAKING CHANGES: ByM Burrill THE CHURCH RESPONSE As we in the church deal with the persons and issues involved in sexual violence, we recognize the need for changing attitudes, behaviors, social structures, institutions, and policies. As persons offaith, we are called by a God ofjustice to start where we are and do what we can to bring about change. But we are often overwhelmed. The problems seem so huge and insurmountable, where/how can we make a difference? Where can one individual or one congregation begin to address sexual violence? A variety ofresponses are possible on the personal, professional clergy, and congregationallevels. Here are only a few ofthe possibilities. I.INDMDUAL Starting with ourselves and our own attitudes is a good beginning. We can read, be in dialogue with others, and become informed about the issues involved in sexual violence. By doing so, we can break the wall of silence and denial that often help us avoid our own discomfort. Sexual violence is more severe and more commonplace than most ofus realize. Increasing our own sensitivities helps us to be aware of the pain in the lives ofthose around us and allows us to offer ourselves as compassionate friends. We can make sure our legislators and other elected officials are made aware of the true extent of sexual violence. Our legal system often shows a lack of sensitivity to victims. Funding for various programs to help survivors as well as offenders are often pushed towards the bottom of priority lists. Government officials need to be informed and reminded to give these issues more urgency. In addition, we can find out what shelters or victim assistance networks operate in our communities and offer our assistance. Nearly all programs could use additional financial support as government funding only supplies a small portion of their needs. We can offer time as a volunteer. Many programs depend on volunteers for the services they offer and provide training for those volunteers. II. PROFESSIONAL CLERGY Whether a professional clergy person or just in a position to influence one, we can consider these options. Although all professional members ofchurch staffs need to be informed about sexual violence, clergy have a special role since they are often the first ones people turn to in times of crisis. We need to encourage the strengthening and/or formation of training programs in seminaries and continuing education workshops on the issues of pastoral care ofpersons involved in sexual violence. Such programs help clergy learn to recognize the signs of violence, help them become sensitive to the scope of the problem, and raise their awareness of the effects not only on the abuser and the survivor but also on the family and friends ofboth. In addition, this training can heighten awareness of the need for referral and of the community resources available for further assistance. Clergy can set an example and be instrumental in urging individuals and congregations to become informed and take action. III. CONGREGATION A congregation can do much to help erase sexual violence. Churches need to actively avoid silence on these issues. Every congregation has someone in its midst that is affected by sexual violence. When dealing with any group within the church we should always assume that at least one person's life in that group has been affected by sexual violence. Offering a supportive, caring atmosphere can go a long way towards helping survivors deal with their pain. Churches can speak openly in word and action that "church" is for all people not just the "nice" or the "acceptable" ones. We can begin the road to recovery by ending the isolation of silence and inacceptance. Churches can be active participants in education. By sponsoring speakers and workshops, a church can increase individual and community awareness of the problems of sexual violence. Churches can encourage schools to design junior and senior high school curricula to address the issues of violence, abuse, and anger-management right alongside current courses in single living, household management, relationships, and parenting. Churches can provide both monetary and volunteer support for shelters and assistance programs. Groups within the church might want to take on a specific program as a service project, like the Girl Scout troop that sponsored seasonal parties for children staying with their mothers at the local shelter for battered women. Churches can add additional strength to the individual campaign for reform legislation and support for assistance networks by organizing letter-writing and lobbying efforts and encouraging other churches and community groups to do likewise. Churches can offer their facilities for support groups much the same as many now provide space for Alcoholics Anonymous. A church could begin its own support group for survivors of sexual violence to reach those within the congregation as well as the community. A church could also begin a consciousness-raising group where the participants examine how we all in our attitudes and avoidance have become desensitized to the issues of sexual violence in particular and violence in general. Through this process, we come to recognize more fully how we are all a part of it and how we can move out ofparalyzing guilt into changing our attitudes, our behavior, and our society. These suggestions for action are not exhaustive. They are a starting point, a place to begin our responding and changing. As we work together to eliminate sexual violence and, ultimately, all oppression and injustice, we are hastening the coming of the realm of God here on earth. Some suggestions for this article are taken from William A. Stacey and Anson Shape, The Family Secret: Domestic Violence in America (Boston: Beacon Press, 1983), chapter 8, "A Look Ahead." M. Burrill, a co-editor ofOpen Hands, is a Christian educator. 18 Open Hands 0 -- ,........, f'j ~ , iii --.. JJc .... .. ..... 1II ..-I ..-I u • • • ---~... ... --... ... ... 0 r r r- Keep us locked in lone -Iy_ pri -sons; God calls us to more: God who fonned us, calls and_loves us, Made us to be free: Join hands, all God's pre -cious_peo -pie, Sis -ter, bro -ther, lov -er: Shout for free -dom, joy, and_ vis -ion; Come now, let's be -gin: .r- .. ..-I-I.-.. r-• •r-I.--r-.. J... •• '" • -• • -I I •• iii l.-'" - I ..• r..- I .. r.. • I I I I I fl ~ I ~ I J l ~ I I ...L ~ ..1 ..... ..-I ~ .. .. ... ..-I --.-..-.. ..-I-..-I ..-I ..-I ..-I-..-I .. ..-I .. .. -'" tJ •• • ----~... u Re -con -cil -ing, build -ing bridg -es 'cross the gap be -tween I - • ..-.. .. .. ,..-.. •1.--l.-• • ~ ~ r-.. .. • . • • • --• ....... ~ 1. I.l. .. r-D ! ~ I I I V fl ~ ~ I I 11 iii ....... r_ ..... -~ I r ~ :.I ..-I ..-I ..-I " tJ .. .. .. --.--.. -~... ... ... -.. -... -0 --• Vi -sions of what ought_ to_ be And what we know and see, r- I.-.. .. .r-.... --'0 ..•• '" • -•.. • ~·1iI -I""'"--• • •l.-lK-• • • .I r~ I I I I I I I © Copyright 1987 International Copyright Secured Made in U.S.A. All Rights Reserved Gerald W Holbrook is minister ofmusic at All Saints' Episcopal Church in Western Springs. fllinois. Carole Elizabeth is member ofCapitol Hill UMC, a Reconciling Congregation. in Seattle. Open Hands 19 R ESOURCES SEXUAL V IOLENCEGENERAL Books, Pamphlets, and Articles Burns, Maryviolet C., editor. The Speaking Profits Us: Violence in the Lives of Women of Color. Seattle: Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence, 1986. A monograph printed in English and Spanish containing articles about violence in the lives of Black, Native American, Asian, and Latina women. Coppernoll, Lee, and Halsey, Peggy. Crisis: Women's Experience and the Church's Response. New York: General Board of Global Ministries, United Methodist Church, 1982. Reports on a national survey of United Methodists' experiences (personal, with family and friends, pastoral) with such crisis issues as rape, incest, battering, and child abuse. Demonstrates that church families are not immune to these crises. Includes poignant excerpts from letters that accompanied the survey responses, most of them telling of the role the church played at the time of the experiences. Fortune, Marie M. Sexual Violence, the Unmentionable Sin: An Ethical and Pastoral Perspective. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983. Examines the social and religious roots of sexual violence and the consequences of silence. Develops the framework for an ethical stance on sexual violence, long absent from traditional Christian ethics. Focus is on rape and child sexual abuse, including incest. General Board of Global Ministries, United Methodist Church. Ministries with Women in Crisis. New York, 1984. A program resource packet for church use containing reprints of articles and brochures on family violence, rape, child abuse, sexual violence in the media, and other issues. Livezey, Lois Gehr. "Sexual and Family Violence: Growing Issue 20 Open Hands for the Churches." The Christian Century. October 28, 1987. Condemns the church's almost-total silence on sexual violence. Proposes a "reconstruction of our theology" that clearly opposes sexual violence and violation and calls humanity to a commitment to interpersonal, as well as international, nonviolence. Pellauer, Mary D.; Chester, Barbara; and Boyajian, Jane A, editors. Sexual Assault and Abuse: A Handbook for Clergy and Religious Professionals. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1987. An anthology covering a range of issues related to sexual violence, from recognizing patterns to understanding issues and responding with compassion. Includes section of resources for "ritual and recuperation" and a listing of national and state organizations. Organizations Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence. 1914 N. 34th St., Ste. 105, Seattle, WA 98103.206-634-1903. Office of Ministries with Women and Families in Crisis. National Program Division, General Board of Global Ministries, United Methodist Church, 475 Riverside Dr., Ste. 333, New York, NY 10015. 212-870-3833. Periodical Working Together to Prevent Sexual and Domestic Violence. Quarterly news-journal of the Center for the Prevention of Sexual and Domestic Violence. $10/year. D OMESTIC VIOLENCE Books, Pamphlets, and Articles Bingham, Carol F., Doorway to Response: The Role of Clergy in Ministry with Battered Women. Springfield, Ill.: Illinois Interfaith Committee against Family Violence, 1986. A manual designed to provide clergy with information they need to respond to the needs ofviolent families in their congregations and to become informed community spokespersons on the issue of violence in the home. Bussert, Joy M.K Battered Women: From a Theology of Suffering to an Ethic of Empowerment. New York: Division for Mission in North America, Lutheran Church in America, 1986. Addresses the theological backdrop against which violence occurs, the dynamics of battering and the violent male, and the role of the religious right. Its "Call to the Church" is clear and unambiguous. Appendixes are particularly helpful, containing such resources as a sample workshop agenda, a local church action checklist, and a listing of all state Coalitions against Domestic Violence. Fortune, Marie M. Keeping the Faith: Questions and Answers for the Abused Women. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1987. Written especially for the abused Christian woman to remind her that God is present and that there are people of faith who understand her pain and will support her. An excellent little book for clergy to buy in quantity to give to abused women. Lobel, Kerry, ed. Naming the Violence: Speaking Out about Lesbian Battering. Seattle: The Seal Press, 1986. An anthology by and for battered lesbians sponsored by the Lesbian Task Force of the National Coalition against Domestic Violence. Alternates perRESOURCES sonal experiences of formerly battered lesbians with commentary by counselors, activists, and others who offer advice on treating victims and dealing with the issue. Organizations National Child Abuse Hotline. 1-800-422-4453. National Coalition against Domestic Violence. P.O. Box 15127, Washington, DC 20003. 202-293-8860. National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1-800-333-SAFE. RAPE Books, Pamphlets, and Articles Brownmiller, Susan. Against Our Will: Men, Women, and Rape. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1975. The classic work on rape. Provides broad-ranging historical, cultural, and psychological analyses. Davis, Angela Y. Violence against Women and the Ongoing Challenge. New York: Kitchen Table, Women of Color Press, 1985. A brief look at the larger sociopolitical context of the contemporary epidemic of sexual violence and its relationship to racism. Estrich, Susan. Real Rape. Cambridge, Mass.: Harvard University Press, 1987. Examines cultural assumptions that men can force women to have sex against their will, especially if a man knows a woman. Argues that coercive sex must be classified as rape but shows how the legal system commonly treats such rape casually. Griffin, Susan. Rape: The Politics of Consciousness. New York: Harper and Row, 3rd ed., 1986. An acclaimed consideration of the politics and history of rape, meshed with an explanation of the power of personal consciousness for overcoming both the fear of rape and rape itself. Ledray, Linda E. Recovery From Rape. New York: Henry Holt, 1986. A comprehensive handbook for rape survivors and their families and friends by the director of the Minneapolis Sexual Assault Resource Service. Organizations National Coalition against Sexual Assault, Sexual Violence Center, 1222 W. 31 st St., Minneapolis, MN 55408. 612-824-2864. ANTI-GAy/LESBIAN V IOLENCE Books, Pamphlets, and Articles Howard, Evan Drake. "Extremism on Campus: Symbols of Hate, Symbols of Hope." The Christian Century. July 15, 1987. An examination of the increase in incidents of acts of violence against minorities on college campuses. Studies gay men and lesbians as the latest scapegouts. National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Anti-Gay Violence, Victimization, and Defamation in 1986. Washington, D.C., 1987. Statistical analysis of incidents of antigay/lesbian violence in 1986 reported to the task force's AntiViolence Project. _________. Dealing with Violence: A Guide for Gay and Lesbian People. Washington, D.C., 1986. Discusses basic facts and myths pertaining to antigay/lesbian violence, self-defense, dealing with victimization, working with the criminal justice system, dealing with police abuse, and community organizing. Organizations National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Anti-Violence Project. 1517 U St. NW, Washington, DC 20009. 202-332-6483. MEN AND VIOLENCE Books Beneke, Timothy. Men on Rape. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1982. A collection of interviews with men from all walks of life. Demonstrates that most men recognize rape as a crime committed out of deep-rooted anger-in other words, a crime of violence and aggression rather than of passion. Sonkin, Daniel and Durphy, Michael. Learning to Live without Violence: A Handbook for Men. San Francisco: Volcano Press, rev. ed. 1985. A workbook detailing a step-by-step process for men who want to change their responses to anger within themselves. Suggests ways to respond to anger positively or to withdraw from anger-producing situations rather then risk becoming violent. Organizations National Organization for Changing Men. P.O. Box 451. Watseka, IL 60970. RAVEN (Rape and Violence End Now). 665 Delmar St., Ste. 301, St. Louis, MO 63130. Periodical Changing Men. Twice-yearly journal studying "issues in gender, sex, and politics." 306 N. Brooks St., Madison, WI 53715. $16/two years. 0 ~ ~,'-.". ,,--.......,a I f~ Many of these resources were suggested by Peggy Halsey. executive secretary. Ministries with Women and Families in Crisis. United Methodist General Board of Global Ministries; Debbie Morris of Lammas Women's Books. Washington. D.C.; and Mark Stevens. coauthor of "Men and Violence . .. Open Hands 21 ~r....---:)_R_C P R_EPOR_T__ ANNUAL CONFERENCEREPORTS ..... ... .......... .... ... ... ... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . ...'............... "K~'~'~af/East' ask~d.that 'this . ~~gatlve RECONCILING CONFERENCES Three annual conferences of the United Methodist Church (UMC) voted to become "Reconciling Conferences" this past summer. The new Reconciling Conferences are Troy (northeastern New York and Vermont), New York, and California-Nevada, bringing the total to four annual conferences which have declared that they welcome the full participation of lesbians and gay men. The Northern Illinois annual conference defeated an effort to rescind its Reconciling Conference action in 1986. Since the content of the three Reconciling Conference resolutions is very similar, we present the text of one of them: WHEREAS Jesus taught that we are called to be good neighbors to all persons WHEREAS par. 7lF of the Social Principles reads in part: "Homosexual persons are individuals of sacred worth, who need the ministry and guidance of the Church in their struggles for human fulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship which enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self ...n AND WHEREAS United Methodists might misconstrue par. 402.2 of The Book ofDiscipline as forbidding gay men and lesbians from participating in the ministry and mission of the United Methodist Church; THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the New York annual conference urge each local church to consider becoming a Reconciling Congregation through participation in the Reconciling Congregation Program which affirms the full participation of all persons, regardless of sexual identity in the life of their congregations, BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the New York annual conference declare itself a Reconciling Conference, affirming the full participation of lesbians and gay men in the life of this annual conference. We welcome the thousands of United Methodists in these three annual conferences to the reconciling movement. 22 Open Hands PETITIONS TO GENERAL CONFERENCE Lesbian/gay issues have been one of the predominate concerns of the past three UM general conferences. (The General Conference is the quadrennial official decision-making gathering of the UMC.) Based upon the petitions sent to the 1988 General Conference from the more than 70 annual conferences this summer, issues related to lesbians and gay men will again be on the forefront of the agenda. The actions of the past three general conferences have generally reflected the homophobia within the UMC and have been exclusionary of lesbians and gay men. Indicative ofthe fears about lesbian/gay concerns existing in the UMC, anti-lesbian/gay persons and groups sought annual conference petitions which would preclude any General Conference actions appearing to reach out to lesbians and gay men. In a highly unusual procedure, 18 annual conferences petitioned the General Conference to make no changes in UMC law regarding lesbians and gay men. Despite these attempts to display a movement of anti-lesbian/gay sentiment in the UMC, many other annual conferences struggled with their perceived call to be in ministry with all persons, while recognizing the pervasive homophobia in the church. Some of these annual conferences approved petitions clearly affirming lesbian/gay participation in the UMC, while others tried to reach a compromise. Regarding the Social Principles statement which reads that "we do not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching," the Wissentence be replaced with: At this point in history, although there are many differing views, we are not prepared to declare that homosexuality is a practice which is or is not compatible with Christian teachings. Because of the despair and self-devaluing attitude of many gay persons, we can no longer afford to make a statement of condemnation. Instead, we need to consistently affirm the sacred worth of all persons. On the UMC ban on ordination of "self-avowed practicing homosexuals," the California-Nevada and Wisconsin annual conferences recommended removing the ban. The Rocky Mountain annual conference approved an umbrella petition brought by the mediation team which has sought to resolve the division there regarding gay pastor Julian Rush. Because it could not resolve the disparate views of the team members regarding homosexuality, the mediation team proposed 6 different petitions representing its full range of views. The individual petitions range from full inclusion of lesbians and gay men in the clergy to the banning of homosexual persons from any office in the UMC. The largest number of annual conference actions were related to the general church ban on funding any gay group or other program which would "promote the acceptance of homosexuality." (This law was invoked for the first time to veto a $1,000 grant to the convocation of Reconciling Congregations in March 1987.) Troy, Wisconsin, California-Nevada, and Pacific Northwest recommended deletion of the paragraph from The Discipline. Missouri East and Northern Illinois recommended amending the paragraph to ensure that study and dialogue would not be curbed. A general church task force to consin, Pacific Northwest, and study lesbian/gay issues was recomCalifornia-Nevada annual conferenmended by the California-Nevada ces requested removal of this sentence. annual conference. __RC_PR_EPOR_T~~~ AIDS-RELATED MINISTRIES Reflecting the growing concern about AIDS by United Methodists, at least 28 annual conferences adopted plans or resolutions regarding AIDS and ministry to persons with AIDS. A sample of some of the resolutions adopted include: -encouraging local churches to study the disease and develop ministries (Maine. Western North Carolina. Central Pennsylvania. Southwest Texas. Kansas West. Louisville): -creating a conference task force. AIDS ministry committee. or speaker's bureau (California-Pacific. Rocky Mountain. Iowa. and Callifornia-Nevada): -adopting an AIDS education and awareness program (Western Pennsylvania): -banning discrimination against UMC employees with AIDS (Pacific Northwest) -encouraging protection ofcivil rights of persons with AIDS (Eastern Pennsylvania and South Carolina): -providing church space for AIDS support and bereavement groups (New York): -supporting efforts for increased AIDS research and education (North Carolina and South Carolina): -considering the establishment of an AIDS hospice (Northern New Jersey): -opposing or questioning government plansfor mandatory AIDS testing (Southwest Texas and Northern New Jersey). CONFERENCE STUDIES ON HOMOSEXUALITY The Northern Illinois and Wyoming (northeastern Pennsylvania) annual conferences adopted plans to engage in conference-wide studies on homosexuality. The text of these two resolutions follows. WHEREAS much time and energy is spent maintaining partisan positions on questions relating to homosexuality, and WHEREAS proponents ofopposing positions can present facts to substantiate their views which is why the issue is debatable, and ' WHEREAS carefully reasoned testimony by recognized scholars can be helpful in discerning the truth, and WHEREAS this information would be helpful to General Conference delegates and Annual Conference members when voting on such issues, NOW THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that Bishop May appoint an ad hoc committee, whose goal shall be to select recognized scholars able to present typical conservative and liberal positions to Annual Conference members and General Conference delegates, at times and places to be determined by the committee, and that a report of these presentations and the results be reported to the 1988 Annual Conference. AND BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that interested persons may volunteer to serve on this committee, but the final composition shall be determined by Bishop May. -Wyoming Annual Conference WHEREAS Bishop DeWitt, in the Bishop's address on Wednesday, June 3, reported that the issue of homosexuality has caused more correspondence to arrive on his desk than any other; and WHEREAS Bishop DeWitt feels the discussion about homosexuality could become the most divisive issue in the Northern Illinois Conference; and WHEREAS Bishop DeWitt made an impassioned plea for reconciliation with all people; and WHEREAS Bishop DeWitt asked for a commission to be formed about homosexuality; THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED that the Annual Conference establish a "Commission on Homosexuality and the Church" to begin dialogues in each district, specifically with laypersons and clergy from each church. BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the commission define the issue of how the churches in the Northern Illinois Conference will deal with those persons who are homosexual, utilizing John Wesley's quadrilateral rule: 1) scripture, 2) reason, 3) tradition, and 4) experience, as a basis for furthering dialogue. BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Conference Nominations Committee compose a commission (not to exceed 18 persons) composed of 50% clergy and 50% laity with a special sensitivity to be inclusive of racial, theological, geographical, and gender diversity. BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the commission will be convened by a member of the commission not later than September 1987 and be instructed to make an interim report to the Annual Conference in June 1988. -Northern Illinois Annual Conference We recognize the many members of the Methodist Federation for Social Action and Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns for their steadfast resolve in advocating the church's ministry to all persons. OTHER NEWS NATIONAL M ARCH FOR LESBIAN/GAY RIGHTS Along with an estimated 500,000 persons, 100 members from Reconciling Congregations and Affirmation joined in the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights on October 11. Carrying red and gold ballons and several banners, including a 14-foot high "Lady Liberty," the troupe was recognized as one ofthe more '"festive" groups in the religious organization section of the march. Reflecting a Wesleyan heritage, the group sang several spirituals and gospel hymns, as well as contemporary movement songs, as they were marching. One high point for the marchers was singing '"Jesus Loves Me" before a small group of anti-lesbian/gay hecklers in front of the White House. The feeling of empowerment from the overwhelming size and the spirit of the march was one of the most commonly articulated experiences of the day. Wave after wave of marchers continued to pour onto the Mall for nearly five hours. An impassioned energy and unequivocal demand for full rights for lesbians and gay men was transmitted throughout one of the largest civil rights gatherings ever held in this country. Affirmation members in the D.C. area hosted a dinner and worship service that evening. More than 125 persons gathered at Christ UMC, a Reconciling Congregation, to celebrate the inclusive Body of Christ. Rose Mary Denman, lesbian pastor recently suspended from her pastoral duties in the Maine Conference, was the speaker for the worship service. Her story of her struggle to uphold her personal integrity along with her calling to pastoral ministry reminded the gathered community of the injustice lesbians and gay men continue to face in the church. (continued) Open Hands 23 RCPREPORT AFFIRMATION PLANS FOR GENERAL CONFERENCE Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns has announced plans for its presence at the General Conference of the UMC, which begins April 26, 1988, in St. Louis. Members of Reconciling Congregations and other concerned individuals are invited to participate in activities to remind the denomination of its ministry with lesbians and gay men. Affirmation's activities will include: -distribution of a platform statement reflecting Affirmation's vision for the church; -a daily newsletter to be distributed to delegates and guests; -daily showings of the videotape from the convocation of Reconciling Congrega tions; -performance of contemporary hymns proclaiming the biblical mandate for inclusiveness and service; -a special worship service, which will include the memorializing of persons who have died from AIDS; -street theater on peace and justice; -a dinner to recognize representatives ofthe movement for justice for all God's people; -a hospitality suite for delegates and guests. Comfortable, low-cost housing is being arranged in close proximity to the conference site for those assisting in these activities. For more information on these activities or to volunteer your assistance, write to Affirmation, P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204, or contact the RCP office. NEW RESOURCES FROM THE RCP A new brochure promoting Open Hands is being mailed with this issue. We encourage you to share a copy with a friend and invite them to subscribe. Additional copies of the brochure for distribution are available at no charge. A revised "How to Become a 24 Open Hands Reconciling Congregation" is now available. This four-page paper offers suggestions and guidelines for individuals and congregations beginning the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. A resource packet for prospective Reconciling Congregations is now being developed by volunteers from Dumbarton UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C.. The packet should be available by April 1988. OTHER HApPENINGS IN THE MOVEMENT D Two more congregations became Reconciling Congregations in late October-University UMC in DeKalb, Illinois, and St. Mark's UMC in New Orleans, Louisiana. In addition, several more congregations will be voting during charge conferences in November. Introductions to all the new Reconciling Congregations will be in the next issue of Open Hands. D Two regional or conference-wide task forces on the RCP are now meeting regularly. In the Bay Area (California) and Washington state, these task forces include representatives from current and prospective Reconciling Congregations. The task forces serve to provide resources and support for individuals and congregations engaged in reconciling ministries. D A workshop, ''The Sacred Worth," held in the Los Angeles area on October 3 drew more than 30 participants to share and plan for ministries with lesbians and gay men. D A workshop on the RCP and similar programs in other denominations was held at the national convention of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) in Washington, D.C., on October 25. An enthusiastic group of 50 persons participated in the workshop. D A special grant of$6,000 from the Chicago Resource Center was received in September to assist in promotional efforts for Open Hands. We also give thanks to the Northern Illinois Conference for a grant of $1,000 for further editing of the RCP videotape and to Sisbros, a collective of concerned United Methodists in the Evanston, Illinois, area, for a gift of$I,500 to support the RCP. RECONCILING CONGREGATIONS W~shington Squ.re UMC c/o Don Himpel 135 W. 4th Street New York, NY 10012 hrk Slope UMC c/o Beth Bentley 6th Avenue &8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 C~Iv~ry UMC c/o Chip Coffman 815 S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 Dumb.1rton UMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC c/o John Hannay 4th and I Streets, SW Washington, DC 20024 St. John's UMC c/o Howard Nash 2705 St Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Gr~nt hrk-A1dersg~te UMC c/o Sally Daniel 575 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC c/o Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Centr~1 UMC c/o Chuck larson 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610 University UMC c/o Steven Webster 1127 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 WesleyUMC c/o Tim Tennant-Jayne Marquette at Grant Streets Minneapolis, MN 55403 University UMC c/o Dave Schmidt 633 W. Locust DeKalb, IL 60115 Whe~don UMC c/o Carol larson 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Alb.1ny hrk UMC c/o Ted Luis, Sr. 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625 Irving hrk UMC c/o David Foster 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 lYiros UMC c/o Richard Vogel 6015 McGee Kansas City, MO 64113 St. M~rk's UMC c/o David Schwarz 1130 N. Rampart Street New Orleans, LA 70116 St. hul's UMC c/o George Christie 1615 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218 WesleyUMC c/o Patty Orlando 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Fresno, CA 93710 Bet~nyUMC c/o Kim Smith 1268 Sanchez Street San Frandsco, CA 94114 Trinity UMC c/o Arron Auger 152 Church Street San Frandsco, CA 94122 A1b.1ny UMC c/o Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706 Trinity UMC c/o Elli Norris 2320 Dana Street Berkeley, CA 94704 Sunnyhills UMC c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035 St. hul's UMC c/o Dianne L Grimard '01 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688 Wallingford UMC c/o Chuck Richards 2115 N. 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103 ~pitol Hill UMC c/o Mary Dougherty '28 Sixteenth Street East Seattle, WA 98112 RECONCILING CONFERENCES ~Iifomia-Nev~da New York Northern Illinois Troy (e~stem N_ York sute and Vermont) Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 3 No 2 - Sexual Violence: Unlocking the Secret https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/1ae9578e8df3bb3433c012847c3bb714.pdf d856487fec718aea061a3a4572eedf90 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 3 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1988 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document ~1syour heart true to my heart as mine is to yours? .. Ifit Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Cay Concems, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concems of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of Cod and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program ~ P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Kristan Burkert Rebecca Parker Graphic Artist Brenda Roth Other Contributors to This Issue Malcolm Boyd Pat Dougherty W. Paul Jones Carolyn Henninger Oehler Robert Treese Un iversity UMC (Madison) Cover Graphic: Brenda Roth Open H.nds (formerly M. nn. (0' the /ou,ney) is published four times a year. Subsaiption is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the U.sA ) Single copies are available for $4 each; quantities of 10 or more are S3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: OpenH.nds P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Copyright 1988 by Affirmation: United MethodistS for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 Contents Spirituality and sexuality: we have often heard that they have nothing to do with one another, or that too much thought about sexuality is damaging to spirituality. Our Christian tradition has a long history of negative attitudes toward things of the body, with sexuality receiving the greatest share of prohibitions and taboos. In this issue of Open Hands, we break with that tradition and explore the ties linking spirituality and sexuality. Instead of damaging spirituality, sexuality can be seen as a source of strength and knowledge for our spiritual journey. Pat Dougherty, in "Sexuality and Spirituality: Exploring Connections" (p. 3), draws parallels between sexual desire and our longing for intimacy with God, our acceptance of grace, our life in community, and our call to witness. In "Making Love as a Means of Grace" (p. 8), Rebecca Parker utilizes the writings of several women to demonstrate the ties between love-making and our religious experience. Three individuals share their personal journeys with us. Malcolm Boyd offers a witness that "Being Gay Is Good for Your Spiritual Journey" (p. 5). Robert Treese tells of his own struggle at "Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality" (p. 18). An anonymous lesbian relates her own story-one of sexual addiction. In "Personal Reflections" (p. 19), she reminds us that answers are not easy, nor do all of our struggles for wholeness take the same road. New language and imagery are needed, especially in worship, if we are to convey a new vision of integrated sexuality and spirituality. Carolyn Henninger Oehler shares an important reminder of the power of language in shaping our spirituality in "From Jacob's Ladder to Sarah's Circle" (p. 20). And in this issue, we have expanded the SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT section to offer a "Book of Uncommon Prayer" (p. 13). As in past issues, we present a list of RESOURCES (p. 17) on the theme of this issue and news of the reconciling movement in the RCP REPORT (p. 22). As people with an incarnational faith, we are invited to take our embodied life seriously. Let us embrace the many gifts that sexuality brings to our lives. NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Developing Reconciling Ministries 2 Open Hands Sexuality andSpirituality: Exploring Connections By Pat Dougherty arl jung found that people who brought religious questions to him were really asking sexual questions; conversely, those who posed sexual questions were really asking about religion. 1 The last century has seen the relatively young science ofpsychology scrutinize the ways in which religion and sexuality have mutually informed dominant Western culture. Unfortunately, mainstream Christian traditions, Protestant as well as Catholic, have not been similarly inquisitive. Modern Christianity has not seriously considered the effects of its historical abandonment and condemnation of sexuality or of the resulting debilitated spirituality. Nor has it begun to explore the revitalization now possible for both sexual and spiritual understanding. Modern research has given us the potential for greater understanding of sexuality than ever before. Better understanding of sexuality stands in need Of spiritual depth for interpretation and meaning; it also challenges Christian spiritual receptivity and expression to reincorporate the sexual, the bodily, the Incarnate. Despite our best efforts, we often continue to experience sexuality and spirituality as mutually exclusive and tend to compartmentalize both apart from our "ordinary" lives. Through exploration of the connections between sexuality and spirituality, we can begin to heal the rifts. What fOllOWS is based on the premise that diversity of sexual orientation, preference, and gender is a fact of God's creation and is seen by God as good. (The recognition of bisexuality and transsexualism prompts me to include the possibility ofgender diversity, not just gender bifurcation.) Furthermore, the portrayal of human sexuality as a heterosexual core surrounded by "deviant" offshoots is to be left behind, in favor ofan understanding ofhuman sexuality as a spectrum ofidentities. Of course, as Linus from the Peanuts comic striP says, the theological implications alone are staggering. How will theological acknowledgment of this created reality, along with the commitment to explore the implications, change our spiritual understanding? What insights will be deepened? What awareness activated? In the context of acceptance of diversity, how will our faith continue to challenge andguide us? Matthew Fox, in the article, "The Spiritual journey of Homosexuals ... And just About Everyone Else, "2 suggests that gay men and lesbians hold the potential to be spiritual guides for those Christians who f ind themselves more welcome in socially accepted sexual norms. The spiritual journeys oflesbians and gay men are more often taken out of necessity rather than choice. The rewards are hard won. H?t those who are growing through the crises of self-acceptance (grace), coming out (exile), self-authenticating, creative expression (new birth), and transformation to a faithgrounded hope motivating work for justice (witness) are those in a position to provide guideposts for others. In pain and in solidarity with others in pain, all are called to be bearers of the light, stepping out on the journey to redefine our experience as "sexualspiritual" beings, witnesses sent by God and drawn toward God through an ever more revealing gospel of love. What follows are sexual and spiritual starting points, places where sexuality might better inform spiritual understanding, and vice versa. Sexualityand theYearningSpirit James Nelson, author of Embodiment, 3 once was asked how sexuality can be understood as part of the spiritual lives of Christians. He responded by telling a story about his attending the Christmas Eve service at a large stone church in England. He went forward to the communion rail, and, as he knelt, he had the distinct experience of sexual arousal. He felt in that awareness of the erotic the culmination of all he had heard, seen, and felt. He experienced himself as an embodiment of the yearnings of many nations and peoples for fulfillment. "0 come, Desire of Nations, come ...." His spirituality and sexuality mutually informed that moment in such a way that they were inseparable. Open Hands 3 What does it mean to truly desire the presence of the Holy in our lives? Might we better understand spiritual longing for God as physical longing? The longing of hunger, of thirst? The longing for a lover? Certainly this was the intensity of God's yearning for Israel. So Hosea understood it. Hebrew scriptures unabashedly use the imagery of God and Israel as lovers, with Israel alternately embracing and scorning that love, while God in faithfulness pursues and reclaims Israel again and again. In our spiritual searching, physical, sexual longing is an appropriate and biblical metaphor for the soul who thirsts for the living, incarnate God. Grace and Sexuality Noone knows our faults, including what we perceive as our sexual and spiritual faults, better than ourselves-except God. We persist, however, in our unbelief: "If you really knew me, you wouldn't love me." Dr. Roger A. Roffman, professor of social work at the University of Washington in Seattle, works with gay men who find it difficult to accept safer sex practices, such as the use of condoms, into their lifestyles. Dr. Roffman finds that another shared problem for most of the men in this group is an overwhelming fear of intimacy. To risk knowing and being known in their sexual expression, as perhaps elsewhere in their human encounters, is a fear to be weighed against the fear of AIDS itself. Physical, sexual intimacy devoid of personal and spiritual meaning is not intimacy at all. Our ability to be intimate, to give a glimpse of who we really are to another person, is based on the measure of grace we experience. As Christians we are always in the process of being astonished by grace, and of learning to accept it. The God who made a most intimate disclosure of God's self in the embodied, physical, and sexual human being Jesus of Nazareth is the same Holy One who draws each of us close in a gospel of love. To the extent I am able to believe this in my heart and soul, I, in turn, am able to risk intimacy. Acceptance of God's love and the risk that God takes in offering that love is empowering for the scariest of our acts: the offer of our own vulnerability in love. Making the Erotic Connections Eroticism is our creative power to make intimate connections with one another and with God. It is energy enhanced by mutuality. Erotic power, says Audrey Lorde, "comes from sharing deeply any pursuit with another person,"4 The perversion of that energy by removing its mutuality becomes the energy of violence and oppression. It is the difference between erotica and pornography. A spirituality bereft of the erotic is flat, isolating itself from expression in the world created and loved by God. (A spirituality can be pornographic, however, as we see in the obsessive preoccupation of right-wing Christianity with sexual matters and the desire to control others' sexual behavior.) In contrast to the sterile and the pornographic spiritualities, erotic spiritualities are whole and very much connected to our lives in this world. The two great commandments to which Jesus pointed were these: Love God with all your emotional power, all your mental capacity, all your physical ability-with your very being. Second, love your neighbor as 4 Open Hands much as you love yourself. We need to rekindle the erotic meaning in Jesus' message. The experience of erotic joy in relation to God or another lover affords us a glimpse of that joy God intends for all. Incorporated into our lives as spiritual beings, joy spurs us to act on behalf of love, that all might experience its tender power. In other words, erotic knowledge and energy spur us to act for justice-which is love.s Erotic power is what draws us into community. Social support is as important as personal meditation for the growth of the spirit. Those who participated in the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights on October 11, 1987-"For Love, for Life" -certainly experienced an erotic connection with others in the meaning of that event. At our church we heard from a member whose eyes filled with tears as he related event after event that spoke to the deeply felt spiritual, sexual, and political connection of those days. Having so many gay men, lesbians, and supporters gathered purposefully, joyfully, and for many in a new experience of safety was an erotic, empowering act. In traditional Christian terms, to make the erotic connections is to witness. To connect is to be physically present to and with others, to "share deeply" the pursuit of love that is one with justice, often in the face of a hostile, antierotic world. We are renewed because God continually lures us forward, giving us, in what measure we can accept, the love that is intended for the world. We are drawn beyond our own causes to see the connections among all who work for fulfillment. And we are lured into a deeper spirituality, where the experience of the depths of joy also opens us all to deep feelings-of pain, of wonder, of anger, of hope. We are drawn toward the fire of the heart of God. Making erotic connection also means celebrating this life fiercely, tenderly, loving at once the gift and the Giver. Loving in the face of pain, in the face of death, because God has first loved us. The dialogue continues concerning what it means to be "sexualspiritual" beings. My hope is that these reflections will light a fire under your spirit and move you to find connections down the paths of spirituality and sexuality to which you are drawn. What, then, does the Holy One require of us but to make these connections: to act justly, to love tenderly, and to journey the humble road with God? (Micah 6:8) 0 References I. James Nelson, Embodiment: An Approach to Sexuality and Christian Theology (Minneapolis: Augsburg Publishing House, 1978), p.14. 2. Matthew Fox, "The Spiritual Journey of the Homosexual . . . and Just About Everybody Else," in Robert Nugent, ed., A Challenge to Love: Gay and Lesbian CathoLics in the Church (New York: Crossroad, 1984), pp. 189-204. 3. James Nelson, "The Spiritual Journey." 4. Audre Lorde, "Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power," in Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches (Trumansburg, NY.: The Crossing Press, 1984), p. 56. 5. Carter Heyward, The Redemption of God (Lanham, Md.: University Press of America, 1982), pp. 217-25. Pat Dougherty is a member of CapitoL HiLL UMC in SeattLe, a ReconciLing Congregation. She hoLds a Master of TheoLogicaL Studies degree from Vancouver SchooL of Theology, British CoLumbia. She wrote her thesis on sexuaL diversity and the theoLogy of relationship. Being Gay Is Goodfor Your spintualJourney By Malcolm Boyd uman aspiration includes interior liberation, as well as liberation from external pressures that stand in the way of fulfillment. This is a message of liberation theology-indeed, of Christ's gospel. A corollary is that it is necessary to quit equating sex with sin. A terrible legacy from fundamentalist and patriarchal religion is the preaching of God's hate instead of love, and the espousal of denial and repression in place of communication and fulfillment. As a gay man, I had to confront this reality in order to survive. I wrote in H Gay Priest: An Inner Journey: It is no mistake that my well-known book of prayers written in the sixties was entitled Are You Running with Me, Jesus? That was an honest question from me, an anguished cry from my heart. Indeed, it was an existential question: Who am I? What am I doing here? What does my being have to do with God and reality? Mine was the gay experience characterized by an image of a cat on a hot tin roof. I was restless, in pain, driven, passionately seeking love-sometimes finding a prefiguring of it in a sexual encounter with another stranger. I did the only thing that seemed to make sense for me: I ran. Fast. Kept in motion. Interacted with others who were also running. Knew no "home," no "nest," no quiet or secure locus. And, what a blessing!-I found that I wasn't in place long enough to have to look into a mirror. My self-esteem could stay low without needlessly agonizing about it. I could even accumulate fragments of prestige, as Band-Aids, to fool myself that I had acquired significance. In motion, I found meanings. Quick images of grace. Flashes of fulfillment. The hot ardor of the race, lust for life. Seashell symphonies, beauty caught for a second as if in a photo. It seemed to be enough. Wasn't I lucky to have that? I worked and played harder, ran ever faster, turned motion into an art form. Yet loneliness remained, and burned brightly in the dark night. A sensual itch for meaning grew more fevered. I needed to possess a sense of meaning, fulfill a longing for union and mission in my life. Open Hands 5 Wholeness: this is what I sought: Wholeness embraced love, meaning, union, mission. Where could I find it? How? Martin Luther King, Jr., understood how true spirituality has to deal with universal elements as well as individual ones. He put it succinctly: People, he said, "often hate each other because they fear each other; they fear each other because they do not know each other; they do not know each other because they cannot communicate; they cannot communicate because they are separated." In other words, people need to come out of closets and ghettos, of whatever kind, and relate to each other. I realized this meant, for me, that I needed not only to "find" myself; I needed to find my brother/sister, too. I comprehended I could not speak of freedom as an individual if I could not live in a free society. The shattering truth of this involved me deeply in the civil rights movement. In December 1964, I traveled a thousand miles through rural Mississippi, drove down country lanes at night, talked to black people living in shacks of abject slums. Gradually, I realized the "moral leaders" had decided not to know what was happening. I came upon horror story after horror story of misery and degradation, yet church leaders 50 miles away remained blind, deaf, and mute. They did not know. This reminded me of the "moral leaders" in Nazi Germany who did not know. In 1965 when I was in the Watts area of Los Angeles during its "riot," I sensed the hopelessness of the black people there. I realized the causes of the revolt were simply not comprehended by people who did not understand the ghetto conditions. But why didn'l Ihey know? Communication was virtually nonexistent between poor blacks and the city's white power structure. Why? "Good" people had been hiding behind a facade of religion devoid of prophetic utterance or social involvement. In fact, these people had isolated themselves from personal confrontation with oppressed black people and others who were oppressed, including lesbians and gay men, Asians, Latinos, and homeless persons. I beheld the failure of religion to place spirituality ahead of its own selfinterest as a social institution. A large part of Christianity placed "churchianity" ahead of Christ. Christ, I remembered, had nowhere to lay his head when he lived among us, and died a 6 Open Hands social outcast. Spirituality, under the strong guidance of Jesus Christ, led me to the all-. together surprising moment of honesty when I could risk "coming out," a moment of raw nakedness when I could incredibly confront Christ and my own reality. Being gay became the key to my spiritual journey, as I later explained when I came out publicly for the first time at a 1976 convention of Integrity, the Episcopalian lesbian/gay organization. The Advocate, a national gay newsmagazine, quoted me as saying, In civil rights I was arrested frequently, despised by people who had formerly honored me. As it happened, my fragmented life was becoming unified. The pieces were coming together because they had to. It was God's insistence. That's when my sexuality came into focus. I had to work with it and through it, and look at it, experience it, figure out what it was and what I felt about it. My sexual development, in other words, has grown and been a part of my religious experience. The holy, earthy radical Christ calls us to wholeness. The grace of Christ insinuates this gift into our lives, bestows it on us. In his book Jesus in Bad Company, Adolf Holl observes that the "real" Jesus "wants to change thought, not direct it along new lines that would simply become another rut." Why wasn't I ever taught about this in Sunday School as a kid? From my youth, my education earmarked me to be "an American," "a white man," and "a Christian." The rigidity of this role excluded a basic factor of my spiritual and physical reality: my gayness. It has taken the greater part of my life to unlearn the implications of what I was taught. Ominously, to be "gay" was never a part of the prescribed agenda. At the outset, how could I find out that I have an allegiance to humankind transcending my identity as "an American"? Or that I belong to a race that defines me, not narrowly as "white," but as a creative and growing human being? I would "find" Christ, and Christ would "find" me, and I would become a Christian. This, largely despite my "Christian" education. I would be born again, know the meaning of conversion, that epiphany of wonder, mystery, beauty, and human gut reaction to God. Yet it had to follow such a long period of deprivation and dryness. For example, I was not given an opportunity in junior high school, high school, or college to establish a relationship with a black person or a gay person. But these institutions spoke earnestly of giving me "an education." I was never enabled to see myself in any context of gay culture, history, literature, or achievement. I was not taught American history or American literature but instead "heterosexual white American history" and "heterosexual white American literature." I spent hours, days, weeks, months, and years seated in classrooms receiving not so much a minimal education as a false one. I was taught about a world that did not exist. How would I be able to cope with the real world? I was always taught that patriotism really meant "my country, right or wrong." But how, it was suggested, could it ever be wrong? History was shoehorned into neat categories. I was taught that war was justified if my country fought it. The church backed up this teaching. I was taught that black people were crude and vulgar people called "niggers"-although one was never supposed to say that word, just to think it when looking at a black face. I was taught that Native Americans were stupid, alcoholic, loutish, and had savagely killed kind and courageous American (white) troops who were fighting for "our country." I was taught that homosexuals were perverts, sinners, inhuman, evil, dangerous, degenerate, and deserved no mercy-even from God. I was taught that Latinos were unspeakably dirty, smelly, undependable, shifty people who did manual labor and were to be treated as children. This meant they should be disciplined when necessary if they got out of line. Why didn't they learn to speak EngLish? We mimicked their style of speech and laughed uproariously. I was ta ught by U.S. war propaganda that the Japanese people were loathsome bearers of "the yellow peri1." Hiro-shi-ma ... Hiro-shima ... Hiroshi-ma. In 1955, as an American student at an international seminar in Switzerland, I lived in a dormitory with a Japanese student. He was the first person from his land whom I had ever known as a person instead of an image. After superficial talk and polite smiles, we finally "met" as humans. No place, I found, was distant any longer. Nothing was remote from my thoughts, my life. Why did my education fail to teach me about the world in which I lived? My intuition as a gay man, lovingly nurtured by the Holy Spirit, became my teacher, my guide on my spiritual journey. It demanded that 1 make careful, precise connections between myself and others. Cries of pain encircle the world. There are cries of hunger, dying, anxiety, torture, loneliness, brutality, depression, self-concern, and a sense of anguish for the suffering of others. I do not want to be shielded from the terror and volume of so many cries of pain. My partnership in the continuing action of creation means that 1 must hear these cries and absorb their meaning into my life. As a gay man who also suffers needlessly at the hand of ignorance and prejudice, if 1 only hear such cries and do nothing about alleviating their cause, I betray love. In stillness, one may hear the ticking of a clock, wind in trees, whispers, footsteps, and the roar of the sea in a seashell. If there is enough stillness, and words are absent, one may hear the beat of another heart. In a silence that speaks volumes, one hears unspoken words. Outward silence may be accompanied by inner fury and a plethora of sound. Outward fury and sound may be accompanied by inner stillness. Oh let the fury of the world diminish. Let us wait upon the spirit of love with still voices and hearts. Growing up-in addition to being "an American," "white," and "Christian"-I was, yes, a gay boy. At that time, 1 did not know the word gay in reference to myself. All 1 heard was "queer," "faggot," "sinful," and "wrong." But 1 survived. A long odyssey lay ahead before 1 would claim "gay," assert pride in it, and know I am-as a gay man-healthy, joyful, creative, loved, yes, and blessed. I know it now. Being gay has taught me much. It has helped me see how my life is interconnected with many other lives: gay, straight, black, white, Latino, Anglo, Asian, Western, Christian, Marxist, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, young, old .... Because 1 am gay 1 know that freedom, justice, and love are meant to be shared. They do not belong, as possessions, to any of us. We simply cannot possess them alone without each other. And, by coming to know and love myself as a gay man, 1 have also come to know and love myself as a brother/ sister of Christ. 1 wrote in Take Off the Masks a few years after I came out, "Self-worth is a gift of God. This fact gradually permeated my consciousness. I did not have to earn it but only accept it with humility and gratitude." A few years later, in a sermon to my parish at St. Augustine by-the-Sea Episcopal Church, I told my congregants that I consider myself "whole, healthy, blessed, happy, created in God's own image, free of the past horrors of human slavery, and able to combine my sexuality and my spirituality": Think of all the various closets of all our lives! Opening doors ... walking outside, sharing "closet experiences" as past history, can be liberating, a gospel experience in Jesus Christ .... Don't let's label each other, place each other on convenient shelves, and therefore keep each other in our places! Let's let each other breathe, grow, develop as daughters and sons of God. To do this, we must truly see each other and share ourselves. Then, in that mutual vulnerability which is surely a gift of grace, we can all grow to the fullness of the glory that is God's call, and gift, to each one of us. Thanks be to God! My hands touch, grasp, and move My legs stretch out, cross, walk, stand stil~ and run My mouth tastes, eats, drinks, shouts, whispers, talks, closes, and opens My stomach fills, empties, growls, hisses, and is silent My shoulders bend, twist, lean over, and are solid My hair is handsome, ugly, long, short, wavy, oily, dry, and falls out My genitals are quiet, aroused, normal, mysterious, functional, private, and public My back is unbending, bent, and filled with nerve ends My head is the most familiar view of me held by most people My heart is unseen as it pumps, yet the character of it is seen by everybody in my actions My eyes are the windows of my soul, although sometimes I try to pull do wn the shades I am grateful fo r my body I want to give it food, drink, iron, tenderness, and love I am grateful for my soul I want to give it flowers, humor, visions, dreams, and love I am grateful that being gay has illuminated my spiritual journey, integrating it with Christ instead of churchianity, relating my God-given spirituality to my God-given sexuality. 0 Malcolm Boyd, an Episcopal priest and author of 22 books including Are You Running with Me, Jesus? and Gay Priest: An Inner Journey, resides in Los Angeles with his life partner, Mark Thompson. He is writer-priestin-residence at St. Augustine by-the-Sea Episcopal Church, Santa Monica, California, and director of the Institute of Gay Spirituality and Theology. Copyright 1988 by Malcolm Boyd. Open Hands 7 Mak ing Love as a M eans of Grace: Women -s Reflections By Rebecca Parker 8 Open Hands exual intimacy can serve as Sa resource for healing and transformation in our lives. Through it, we can experience a restored sense of intrinsic joy in being, elemental goodness, personal power to affect and be affected, intimate connection with all of life, and creative potency. When it functions this way in our lives, making love is a means of grace. This is not to say that sexuality is the only means of grace available to us or that it automatically solves life's problems. On the one hand, there are other important means of grace-the world itself, the arts, friendship, rituals, meaningful work-to name a few. On the other hand, there are times when sex is not a rewarding or appropriate part of our lives. The goodness of sexuality can be marred, denied, or even destroyed by any number of means. The use of sex in an act of overpowering or coercing another, sexual abuse of children by adults, intimacy outside one's committed relationship for the sake of punishing one's committed partner, addiction to sexual intimacy as the exclusive source of one's sense of worth, sexual intimacy as a ritual reinforcement of domination and submission (as in traditional "Christian" marriage)-these are examples of ways in which sexuality's goodness is denied or destroyed. At some stages in life sexual activity is by choice, circumstance, or age not part of our lives. Childhood and early youth at best have other joys. We may find we must decide to limit our sexual activity to protect ours or another's health. Or our sexual experiences may have been so traumatic that we find abstinence to be the most healing choice, itself a means of grace. Furthermore, even our best sexual encounters may be fraught with human foibles or failures-we are blocked by fears and past hurts, insecurities, embarrassment, lack of confidence in our ability to give or receive pleasure, physical limitations, illness. Sex is not the be all and end all of life. Other pressing issues of lifeboth sorrows and joys-sometimes rightly take precedence in our attention. We discover we can live without sex, or without good sex. We don't need it in the same way we need food, sleep, and shelter. We need it more like the ways in which we need community, opportunities to learn, art, a vocation. But, within its proper perspective, when it is not being abused or used as a tool of abuse, when circumstances are right and it is one part of our lives offering its own measure of joy-sex can be a means of grace not only "within the bounds of marriage," or even "within the bounds of committed relationship," but in many forms. "For this is the meaning of desire, that wanting leads us to the sacred," writes Susan Griffin.' She is one, among several women writers, whose self-described positive sexual experiences form a body of literature that illuminates how making love can be a means of grace. Since so much of the writing and visual material available to us reflects views of sexuality formed in the context of patriarchal, heterosexist culture, it is important to turn to voices and visions from "outside" the dominant culture. Here, as one way to expand on the theme of making love as a means of grace, are reflections on some of the writings of women-lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual-who have described their most positive sexual experiences. '1'or this is the meaning ofliesire)tfzat wanting feacfs us to the sacrec£. )~usan Griffin Open Hands 9 "It was as thougfi a door opened and aifowed ai{of fife to surge wougfi tier. )) -Susan Griffin Audre Lorde in her article "Uses of the Erotic" speaks of erotic experience as "the nurturer is nursemaid of all our deepest knowledge."2 In her understanding, erotically satisfying experiences are ones in which sensual pleasure and creative power merge in a holistic experience of joy. Sexual intimacy can be an erotic experience, so can "building a bookcase, writing a poem, examining an idea."3 One characteristic of women's positive experiences of the erotic is a reluctance to isolate such experiences singularly to sexual activity. Rather, erotic joy, as known in the best experiences of sexual enjoyment, become the touchstone of life. Erotic joy reveals the ultimate possibilities of life, and through experiences of erotic joy the rest of life is judged. In Lorde's view, the heights of sexual happiness become the foundation for ethics, ... once we begin to demand from ourselves and from our life-pursuits that they feel in accordance with that joy which we know ourselves to be capable of 4 She goes on to say, When we begin to live... in touch with the power of the erotic within ourselves, and allowing that power to inform and illuminate our actions upon the world around us, then we begin to be responsible to ourselves in the deepest sense . .. we begin to give up, of necessity being satisfied with suffering and selfnegation, and with the numbness which so often seems like their only alternative in our society. Our acts against oppression become integral with self, motivated and empowered from within. 5 This view of the erotic as the inner source of knowledge about fullness of life contrasts dramatically with the traditional Christian view of eros as destructive energy that leads to disobedience to God. Rather, sexuality is viewed as a source of insight and guidance into the way of life-carnal knowledge is not the fall, it is the wellspring of right living, a resource for sustaining the vision of what is just and good, as well as a constant source of refreshment of the desire for abundant life. How might sexuality function in this capacity as "nursemaid of all our deepest knowledge"? For one thing, sexual intimacy can give us a profound sense of our communion with all of life, our connectedness in contrast to our loneliness or alienation. Theologian Carter Heyward sees loneliness as the creation of patriarchal culture and theology. We are saved when we are restored to a 10 Open Hands sense of intimacy with all of life. We are untouched and untouching until we realize our intimacy; until we know a fundamental bond between our innermost senses of who we are. Intimacy is the deepest quality of relation, the realization of ourselves, generically, as humanity-people with something in common-rather than as alien pieces offlesh and blood playing our separate parts in an absurd drama of loneliness. 6 In love making we can have a sense of boundaries falling away between the self and the world. Sexual ecstasy may involve a sense of feeling as if the whole of life were flowing through one's body, or as if one were smelling, touching, tasting, and breathing the universe, or as if the self and the world were indistinguishable from one another. This boundless communion through the breakdown of a sense of boundaried selfhood is the very thing about sexuality that theologians such as Augustine, Bonhoeffer, and Fuchs have found so offensive-to them the breakdown of a sense of limit signals abandonment of God. But it may in fact be the restoration of a healed sense of intimate connection to life. A woman describes a sexual experience: New life was felt in her, newer even than the earth sgracious giving, a hopeful stirring deep in her center. They were part ofall life around them, and all of the alive natural facets of the world glowed and glistened between them. The sweet smell of their bodies came up with (l warm rush of breeze and they breathed deeply of themselves and the earth and were filled with an effortless joy. 7 Susan Griffin's description of making love moves close to a form of mystical enlightenment: And if I let myself love, let myself touch, enter my own pleasure and longing, enter the body of another, the darkness, let the dark parts of my body speak, tongue into mouth, in the body's language, as I enter, a part of me I believed was real begins to die. I descend into matter, I know I am at the heart of myself, I cry out in ecstasy. For in love, we surrender our uniqueness and become world. 8 Describing this experience of sexual happiness as a merging with all of life, women use language similar to the language of mystical ecstasy. Images of profound stillness, whirling dervish ecstasy, and brilliant light are employed to describe sexual pleasure or orgasm: She felt it come up from the base of her spine. It was as though a door opened and allowed all of life to surge through her. The spinning sensation rose up and flooded her whole body, pushing at the boundaries of who she thought she was . .. pressing . .. pressing . .. pressing . . .. Finally, unable to hold the energy back any longer, she let it expLode through every ceLL in her body, cleansing her with light and pulsating out into the room-9 Or, I am filled with light inside you, I have no boundary, the light has extinguished my skin, I am perished in light, Light fiLLing you, shining through you. /0 This altered state of consciousness described by women during experiences of sexual intimacy carries with it not only unbounded joy-an expansion of the self into a field of lightbut also matchless peace and liferenewing power: She felt what she could only describe as her spirit spinning somewhere with his. It was as if they were both floating outside time and space in a peacefuLness that didn't exist on earth. / / I know I am entranced at those times, gone into another dimension . .. the silver rays connecting between us fill me with strength, confidence, affirmation, joy, and some esthetic quality of beauty that is Like another way ofseeing, like being in another place. /2 And then we are free, floating outside our contours in emptiness. A stillness, a perfect stasis opens beneath us. Peace. /J In contrast to this empowering, intense sense of immediate joy, mystical connection, and communion that is refreshing and healing, positive sexual experience is also described by women as an experience that heightens a sense of personal presence and power, and initiates one into a clearer sense of strong selfhood. As a writer of feminist spirituality, Starhawk emphasizes this aspect of sexual intimacy: in sex we merge, give way, become one with another, allow ourseLves to be caressed, pLeasured, enfolded, allow our sense of separation to dissolve. But in sex we also feel our impact on another, we see our own faces reflected tn another's eyes, feel ourseLves confirmed, and sense our power, as separate human beings, to make another feel. /4 We as human beings feel ourselves felt. We know we are here-not invisible. We feel our power to give joy to another. We know our presence is a blessing to the world. We feel the joy the presence of a lover gives us. We know soul to be the power of presence. Let me feel, more intensely, your fuLL power and presence. Bathe me with the pleasure of your company. The mind's delight, my heart's delight. You, my souL met love, my bone's history, my eye's remembrance, my ear's companion, my tongue 's perfect dialog partner. The life in you, so radiant, so deep, so there. You entice, excite, overwhelm me with joy and happiness, apple of my eye, ecstatic friend. /5 Sexual intimacy imparts to us a knowledge of ourselves as a powerful presence, and love as enjoyment of the presence of power of another. As such, making love is a means of moving beyond a sense of ourself as passive. It saves us from the sin of feeling that we are helpless and empty, which leads to the horrible despair of believing we have no being. Theologian Daniel Day Williams says, "Inauthentic existence is the fall from inner self-determination. . .. Sin is.. . unbelief in ourselves. "/6 But making love can strengthen our sense of acting and being acted upon, restoring us to the balance that is the foundation of all ethical responsibility. Beverly Harrison asserts that personal well-being and healthy community depend on this kind of knowledge of ourselves. She says: All of us . .. literally call forth each other in relationship, and our power of being and capacity to act emerges through our sensuous interaction in relation. /7 Daniel Day Williams expresses a similar sensibility: The power to act is a condition of love; but it follows that the capacity to be acted upon, to be moved by another, is also required; for to act in love is to respond, and to have one's actions shaped by the other. /8 Sexual intimacy, at its best, teaches us this truth about ourselves-that joy is grounded in relational power. Thus it frees us from the sin of pride (wanting to be completely in control) and the terror of despair (feeling ourselves to be completely powerless). Finally, it should be observed that women describe a strong connection between sexual pleasure and creativity. This is in dramatic contrast to the predominant public image of sexual expression as a form of violence and destruction. Though in people's experience intimacy may be closely tied to love of life and the desire to bring life into being, public images often associate sex with destruction of life: the penis is spoken of as a weapon and sometimes shown used as one. Language about sexual intimacy is a language of war: people are conquered. Images that present sex as a joyful, creative act are largely absent from the public sphere. II . ins~ we merge, give wag, Gecome one witli another. . . )) - Sta.rfiawk. Open Hands 11 The association of sexual joy and creativity is felt by some in specific connection with their power to give birth. A woman describes a sexual fantasy in which she simultaneously gives birth and is made love to by her partner. 19 A pregnant woman exclaims, "I feel so sexy-so, I don't know, ripe, fertile, full of energy, alive."20 Another woman describes the birth of her daughter as an experience in which she felt overwhelmed with a mystical sense of connectedness to all of life, a whole body feeling of insight and ecstasy.21 But the deeply felt tie between sexuality and creativity is not confined in women's experience to pregnancy and childbirth. Other experiences in which personal strength is harnessed to bring forth life are felt to have erotic overtones. Wherever passion, energy, joy, personal power, and creativity emerge and converge, the experience can be felt as erotic. Creativity in every aspect of living requires an inner sense of "Power to bring forth." One essence of sexual energy in human beings is this sense of "power to bring forth." Starhawk defines the erotic as "Power from within."22 This power is carried within the body of every human being. Our fundamental bodily experience is that sexuality is bonded to the power of life. Sexual energy is life-giving energy. We know that giving life to ourselves, to another, to a work of imagination or research, or a political cause-all forms of giving life to life-are bonded to sexual energy. Our sexual energy expands throughout life the more we choose to create out of the power within us. Our sexual body tells us we have the power to bring forth life. In this way, again, carnal knowledge saves us rather than damns us. It undergirds a sense of ourselves as people with the power, right, and responsibility to bring forth life. As a means of grace, it invites us to center our lives on the joy of creating. Audre Lorde writes: In touch with the erotic, I become Less wiLLing to accept powerLessness, or those other supplied states of being which are not native to me, such as resignation, despair, seLf-effacement, depression, self-denial. 23 The zest for passionate, exuberant, creative living can be tasted and seen and thus restored and sustained through our sexual pleasure. 12 Open Hands In sum, women's self-described positive sexual experiences disclose four sensibilities about our deepest being. The self we come to know in our best sexual encounters is first, a self that is intimately connected with all of life. It is not a discreet, selfcontained entity, but a center of feeling flooded by the whole world. Secondly, the self we come to know has power to deeply affect another. It has the power of presence. It does not leave the world undisturbed but can activate profound pleasure in another by its very being. Thirdly, the self we come to know has the power to bring forth life. It is creative, originative, nurturing, and sustaining. Finally, the self we come to know takes joy in sheer being, in its own life and in the life it senses all around. Being itself is joyful, and being itself is a complex integration of breadth, created by receptivity to a vast field, and intensity, created by the power to move another and to bring forth life. In sexual intimacy we can experience ourselves as having power-the power of receptivity and action combined, the power of feeling and doing, being moved and moving. We feel the force of our soul, the reality of our powerful presence in the world, and we feel it with joy. Sexual knowledge of this nature, knowledge bequeathed to us through our bodies, is gracious and saving knowledge. It releases us from a false sense of separation and alienation from the world. It baptizes us into the whole creation and tells us we are good. It explains our freedom to usour power to bring forth life from within our very being-and gives us a standard for judging what is worthwhile. It restores to us a sense of the balance of power-we are neither totally passive nor totally in control. And in some moments, making love gives us a sense of complete peace through the experience of immediate JOY· Making love is not the be all and the end all of life. It rarely approaches perfection and isn't the most important thing we do. But it is far from the root of all sin. On the contrary, it can be life's most delightful means of grace. As such, it should be held in honor among all people, and no church should legislate against its potential for undergirding all that is right, good, and joyful in our lives. 0 References 1. Susan Griffin, Pornography and SiLence (New York: Harper and Row, Colophon Books, 1982), p. 262. 2. Audre Lord, Sister Outsider (Trumansburg, N.Y.: The Crossing Press, 1984), p. 56. 3. Ibid. 4. Ibid. 5. Ibid., p. 58. 6. Carter Heyward, The Redemption of God (Lanham, Md.: University Press of America, 1982), p. xviii. 7. Suzanne Miller, in Lonnie Barbach, ed., Erotic Interludes: Tales ToLd by Women (Garden City, NY.: Doubleday, 1986), p. 173. 8. Griffin, Pornography and SiLence, p. 260. 9. Udana Power, in Barbach, Erotic InterLudes, p. 21. 10. Susan Griffin, Made from This Earth (New York: Harper and Row, 1982), p. 226. 11. Power, in Barbach, Erotic Interludes, p.29. 12. Judy Grahn, Another Mother Tongue (Boston: Beacon Press, 1984), p. 240. 13. Boucher, Sandy, in Barbach, Erotic Interludes, p. 215. 14. Starhawk, Dreaming the Dark (Boston: Beacon Press, 1982), p. 138. 15. From a woman's personal journal. 16. Daniel Day Williams, The Spirit and the Forms of Love (New York: Harper and Row, 1968), p. 150-51. 17. Beverly Harrison, "Human Sexuality and Mutuality," in Judith L. Weidman (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1984), pp. 14849. 18. Williams, The Spirit and Forms of Love, p. 117.. 19. Power, in Barbach, Erotic Interludes, p. 20-21. 20. Personal conversation, fall 1986. 21. Mary Brown, sermon, Wallingford United Methodist Church, Seattle. 22. Starhawk, Dreaming the Dark, p. 138. 23. Lord, Sister Outsider, p. 58. Rebecca Parker served as pastor of WaLLingford UMC, a ReconciLing Congregation in SeattLe, from 1979 to 1986. She currently is pastor of Vashon Island UMC o o ~.:.~ """"broUghout childhood, each of us is exposed to an:: J. ; artici/Jates in rituals-bedtime prayers and waking routines7 birthday celebrations and holiday parades7 weddings andfunerals7 worship services andpep rallies. These and other rituals play a key role in our socialization an~ on a deeper levelbegin to establish a sense ofmeaning andpurpose in our 7 lives. As we mature into adulthoo~ we take a more active role i1) creating and choosing our rituals. We intendfor our rituals to reflect our self-identity and the nature of our human relationships. As persons offaith7 we create and participate in particular rituals that convey and sustain our relationship to God and our intention to live Christian lives. These rituals include the formal7 traditional liturgies ofthe institutional church and the informalday-to-day rituals we celebrate in our communal 7 and individual lives. While institutional church liturgies represent centuries of sifting through inherited tradition and a connection to a larger body ofpersons sharing our faith7 they are slow to respond to GodJs unfolding revelation. Therefore7 rituals are revised and recreated by local communities offaith out of their struggle to do theology in their daily lives. Those of us in the reconciling movement celebrate rituals that reflect our commitment to justice for the diversity of GodJs creation. Recognizing that our traditional rituals are usually Euro-American-specificmale-dominate~ and hetero7 sexual-centere~ we delight in recreating liturgies and rites that sustain and enhance ourfaith journey. We offer a sampling of these ((uncommon rites that have grown out of the reconciln ing movement. Open Hands 13 OUR DAILY RIlUALS Sharing at Table At mealtime reflect alone or say aloud with others gathered the names ofindividuals or groups who live in suffering and oppression. Rememberpersons who are hungry, those in Central America and other wartorn areas ofthe world, persons with AIDS, victims of violence and hate. After each name is lifted up, everyone responds with: Plant in us the seeds of your justice, 0 God. Evening Prayer At the conclusion ofthis litany say or sing this grace in Spanish: Por e~ -te pan. sa -Iud yy -mor. gra -cias te doy. Se -nor' (For health and strength and dai-Iy food. we give you thanks. 0 God!) This litany is from '~Liberationist Daily Office" written by W Paul Jones (St. Paul School of Theology, Kansas City). You can read the litany yourselfor, if other persons are with you, line it out by alternating reading lines. o God, come to our assistance. o Liberator, make haste to help me. You are the God of Abraham and Sarah, Rebekah and Isaac, Jacob and Rachel, Zipporah and Hosea, Ruth and Naomi, Mary and Joseph, Mary Magdalene and Jesus. Therefore, My soul magnifies you and my spirit rejoices in you, 0 God, our savior, because you have regarded the lowly people, because you, the almighty one, have done great things, because you are scattering the proud in the imaginations of our hearts, are pulling down the mighty from their thrones, and are exalting the lowly. The hungry, 0 God, you will fill with good things, and the rich, you will send empty away. o God, help us to believe in the impossible, for with you all things are possible. May we Christians come to embrace as sisters and brothers all blacks, all gays and lesbians, all witches, all communists, and all the victims of our "inquisitions." May we live for the Holy City, Where on the twelve gates of Hiroshima is the prayer "Never Again;" And the ghettos shine like precious stones; And the reservations bloom as after a spring rain; And the victims of battering begin and end their days without fear. Lord we believe, help thou our unbelief. Unto you, 0 God, we offer up the works of our hands, the ideas of our minds, the feelings of our bodies, and the dreams and visions of our hearts. We offer them pure, tainted, questionable. As the Refining Fire, make beauty of them; As the Incarnate One, accept them into yourself; And as the Driving Spirit, carryon, that in trusting you we may at the close of day know the refreshment of having been co-creators with you in your vision. May the souls of the faithful and unfaithful departed through the mercy of God rest in peace. Eternal rest, grant unto them, 0 Christ, and let the perpetual light shine upon them, May they find themselves at last with you. In the name ofYahweh, the martyrs of the Revolution, and the new heaven and the new earth, as it was promised in the beginning, must be now, and will be forever. AMEN. 14 Open Hands RIruALS OF OUR LNBS TOGEmER Coming Out Ritual Based upon the ritual ofbaptism, this rite is designed to be a celebration ofthe goodness ofa gay man or lesbian's life-a goodness given by God. This ritual was written by Rebecca Parker, a clergywoman in the Pacific Northwest Conference ofthe UMC andformer pastor of Wallingford UMC in Seattle. GATHERING Leader: Dear Friends, all life is a sacred and blessed gift. We are here today to bless the life of __, who has invited us to join her/him in celebration of her/himself as a lesbian/gay men. As we welcome this sister/brother with joy, we proclaim the sacred worth of every child of God. PRAYER FOR TRUTH All: God of truth and justice, may our worship here help us to practice truth in speech and in thought before you, to ourselves, and before one another. We pray in the name ofJesus who promised: You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. Amen. A HYMN or SONG OF PRAISE FOR LIFE SELF-BLESSING The one coming out recites these words: Holy One, you examine and know me, you know if I am standing or sitting, you read my thoughts from far away. Where could I go to escape your spirit? Where could I flee from your presence? Prayerjor One Who Has Died It was you who created my inmost self, and put me together in my mother's womb; for all these mysteries, I thank you; for all the wonder of myself, for all the wonder ofyour works. (Adapted from Psalm 139) COMMUNITY BLESSING The celebrant and other friends and family pour or sprinkle water on the one coming out, and address her/him with any ofall the following words or other spontaneous words ofblessing. Fora woman: Born of woman, beloved of God, lover of woman, you are blessed. You are the light of the world. Fora man: Born of woman, beloved of God, lover of man, you are blessed. You are the light of the world. WORDS OF WELCOME All: We welcome you, sister/brother and friend, into this community. With you we make a commitment to integrity. We promise to oppose injustice, and we embrace with joy the gifts that come to us from the Holy One's hand. A HYMN or SONG may be sung BENEDICTION All: Go in peace. Love God and do what you will. Be a blessing to the world. Amen. Before beginning this rite (written by Beth Richardson), gather together a candle and symbols that represent the life ofthis friend (a letter, a photo, a button, a flower, etc.). Place the candle and symbols on a table or altar. Use this prayer as a guided meditation or as a corporate prayer. During the times marked "silence, H you may write your reflections or share them with a friend. You may also want to use a bowl ofwater and some seeds as a part ofthe prayer. Make this prayeryour own. Spirit of Life, we gather to remember the life of You are the Creator of Life, the Comforter in death. Be present with us in our remembering, our celebrating, our letting go. Light the candle. We remember the life of our friend, ___ . We remember times of laughter... times of sharing.. . times of frustration. . . times of crying. . . times of growing... times of loving. (silence) (continued) Open Hands 15 RITIJALS OF OUR LIVES TOGETHER Prayerfor One Who Has Died(continued) We remember times of pain, of anger, of regret, of guilt. (silence) We feel God's Spirit washing over us like healing waters. Let the waters wash away that which must be released. Enable us to let go of the crusty, stale, prickly memories that block us from life. Let go as the waters wash them away. (silence) We celebrate the gifts that ___ has given to us and to the world. We celebrate the seeds that ___ has planted, seeds that are growing and will bear fruit. Remember the gifts that ___has given to friends, to the church, to family, to the world. (silence) Remember seeds that have been A Celebration of Holy Union T his celebration Of a covenanted relationship or holy union is one ofseveral developed by University United Methodist Church in Madison, Wisconsin. PRELUDE and ENTRANCE G REETIN G: Brothers and sisters in Christ, may the love of God that passes all understanding be yours now and forever more. Amen. Human companionship is essential in the Biblical view of human fulfillment. These two persons are here this day to publicly declare their covenant with each other and God. They have come into the presence of family and friends to affirm their relationship and what each brings to that relationship, making it like no other. We gather to witness the declaration that ___ and ___ are about to make. We pledge to each of them our continued love and support. Let us rejoice and be glad! MUSIC OF CELEBRATION STATEMENT OF COVENANT ___ and ___, you are meant, as persons chosen by God, to live lives of compassion, kindness, humility and patience. Forbear each other; forgive each other. As God has forgiven you, you two are Sustainer of Life, we are thankful for the water, thankful for the seeds, thankful for the life of ___ . Teach us to live again and to bless life through our own living. Send us out as faithful, lifegiving, celebrating people. Shalom. Amen. asked to forgive. Above all, love. Love binds everything together in perfect harmony. Let the peace of Christ dwell in you. Be thankful for all that God has given you and that you give to each other. Let all you do, in word or deed, be done in the spirit of Christ, giving thanks to God, the creator of us all. VOWS: Will you now say your vows to each other? ___ , I promise to love you, to be patient with you, to be with you in joy and pain as long as we both shall live. PRAYER: Gracious God, you are the very source of our life and our love. May your love be with ___ and ___ throughout their lives. May their love for each other enable them to serve you more fully, to love others more deeply. Guide them to serve you all the days of their lives. Through Christ our Sovereign. Amen. DECLARATION You have spoken vows to each other in the presence of these persons and God. May you have the wisdom and strength to keep these vows. May no one seek to destroy the covenant you have affirmed today in our presence. May peace come to you and to all people. Amen. BENEDICTION POSTLUDE 16 Open Hands RESOURCES SPIRITUALITYGENERAL STUDIES delBene, Ron, and Montgomery, Herb. Hunger of the Heart. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1983. A new way of looking at some of the basic rhythms of spiritual growth. Foster, Richard 1. The Celebration of Discipline: Paths to Spiritual Growth. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1978. Looks at the classic spiritual disciplines, both individual and corporate. Holmes, Urban T., III. Spirituality for Ministry. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1982. A specific look at spirituality in relation to ordained ministry. Nouwen, Henri J. Making All Things New: An Invitation to Life in the Spirit. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1981. and The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1981. Clear and simple books about the basics of the spiritual life. SEXUALITY AND SPIRITUALITY Daly, Mary. Pure Lust. Boston: Beacon Press, 1985. A brilliant critical analysis of culture that experiences lust as sinful, and a celebrative assertion of the lifegiving power of women loving women. Donnelly, Dody. Radical Love: An Approach to Sexual Spirituality. Minneapolis: Winston Press, 1984. Strongly recommended for its integrated outlook. Griffin, Susan. Pornography and Silence: Culture's Revenge against Nature. New York: Harper and Row, 1981. An analysis of pornography, including the relationship between patriarchal Christianity and pornography, by a lesbian poet who proposes a vision of desire as sacred. Kosnik, John, et al. Human Sexuality. New York: Paulist Press, 1977. A landmark work by the U.S. Roman Catholic bishops. Critiques the Vatican's stand on sexuality, including homosexuality, calling for a modern reappraisal of traditional Catholic theology on sexual ethics. Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Trumansburg, NY.: The Crossing Press, 1984. Includes "Uses of the Erotic: The Erotic as Power," an often-cited essay with much food for thought. Nelson, James B. Between Two Gardens: Reflections on Sexuality and Religious Experience. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983. and Embodiment: An Approach to Sexuality and Christian Theology. Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1978. Foundational works addressing spirituality and sexuality. Propose the need for a sexual theology that would draw from liberation theologies to ask the question: what does sexuality say about faith? Scanzoni, Letha Dawson. Sexuality. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1984. With a primary emphasis on women, uses both biblical analysis and careful research to lay the groundwork for a well-rounded approach to sexuality. United Church of Christ, Board for Homeland Ministries, Task Force to Study Human Sexuality. Human Sexuality: A Preliminary Study. New York: United Church Press, 1977. Accepted at the 1977 General Synod of the UCC, this document comprehensively covers sexuality from biblical/theological, ethical, psychological, public policy, and congregational perspectives. GAy/LESBIAN S PIRITUAL JOURNEYS Boyd, Malcolm. Gay Priest: An Inner Journey. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1986. Movingly recounts Boyd's spiritual journey as both a gay man and a priest, describing the confusion and ethical dilemma posed by being impelled to "tell a lie for Christ." Fortunato, John E. Embracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians. Minneapolis: Seabury Press, 1982. Connects spiritual and psychological journeys. Fox, Matthew. "The Spiritual Journey of the Homosexual ... and Just about Everybody Else." In Nugent, Robert, ed. A Challenge to Love: Gay and Lesbian Catholics in the Church. New York: Crossroad, 1984. Suggests that the experience of gay men and lesbians offers the potential to be spiritual guides for other Christians as well. Heyward, Carter. Our Passion for Justice: Images of Power, Sexuality, and Liberation. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1984. Includes accounts of her coming-out process, and essays on sexuality and spirituality. ---. The Redemption of God. Lanham, Md.: University Press of America, 1982. Heyward uses her lesbian experience to inform her theological work, offering creative and challenging reflections. Thompson, Mark. Gay Spirit: Myth and Meaning. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1987. An anthology of widely varied essays on spirituality/sexuality issues, with an emphasis on their relationship to the life of the gay man. LANGUAGE AND I MAGERY Bynum, Caroline Walker. Jesus as Mother: Studies in the Spirituality of the High Middle Ages. Berkeley, Calif.: University of California Press, 1982. A fascinating scholarly study of sexual imagery used in describing spiritual experience during the Middle Ages. Mollenkott, Virginia Ramey. The Divine Feminine: The Biblical Imagery of God as Female. New York: Crossroad, 1983. In-depth examinations of many biblical images of God-for example, God as nursing mother, as mother eagle, as female beloved. United Methodist Church, General Council on Ministries, Task Force on Language Guidelines. Words that Hurt and Words that Heal: Language about God and People. Nashville, Tenn.: Graded Press, 1985. Excellent United Methodist document on inclusive language. Recommended by the 1984 General Conference of the UMC for churchwide study. SCRIPTURAL STUDIES Cady, Susan; Ronan, Marian; and Taussig, Hal. Sophia: The Future of Feminist Spirituality. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1986. A rediscovery and study of the biblical image of Wisdom-Sophia. Mulholland, M. Robert. Shaped by the Word. Nashville, Tenn.: Graded Press, 1985. A way of reading and appropriating scripture in a transformation way. Trible, Phyllis. God and the Rhetoric of Sexuality. Philadelphia: Fortress Press, 1978. This Old Testament scholar includes an interpretation of the "Song of Songs" as an account of sexuality redeemed through mutuality. 0 Open Hands 17 ity By Bob Treese In the early years of my life, I saw little relationship between my sexuality and my relationship to God. My understanding of sexuality was limited to genital sex, and this was something not to be discussed. Enjoyed, yes! Understood, no! Sexual intercourse with my wife was "doing what came naturally" and was the supreme expression of our growing and deepening love for one another. Only at times when I experienced a feeling of guilt-for example, because lust had overpowered sensitive lovedid I get a sense that sexuality and its expression might have something to do with my relationship to God. Spirituality was a term I shied away from. It connoted something ethereal, unearthly, a goal toward which I was meant to grow, up and out of my earthiness toward some realm of being up there somewhere. Beginning in my childhood, I was perplexed by the emphasis my Sunday School teachers and others placed on another world up there somewhere. That emphasis seemed to mean denial of the world we lived in. Yet we were taught that God loved this world so much that God came in Jesus of Nazareth to save it. I thought that "the Word became flesh" meant that the body was real and important and that Jesus was really human, like me. Why did the religion that was shaping me seem to dehumanize him? If Jesus was all good, and my natural bodily feelings were somehow bad, Jesus couldn't have been human like mecould he? 18 Open Hands With all the confusion I felt toward spirituality, it is hardly surprising how unprepared I was when I was first forced to deal with an aspect of sexuality in a religious context. In 1965-66, I spent a sabbatical year in San Francisco on the staff of Glide Urban Center. As part of my responsibilities, I was assigned to work with the Council on Religion and the Homosexual and to serve as consultant on its Theology Committee. I went into that setting with an unexamined, typical, and naive attitude toward sexual orientation-mine was right; any other was wrong. As I worked with that committee, however, I discovered some important things about myself. In the first place, contrary to my expectations, at our initial meeting I could not distinguish homosexual persons from heterosexuals on that committee of about a dozen men and women. I also discovered that I was scared: what would I do if one of those men tried to seduce me? (My fear was inappropriate; seductive behavior never occurred.) And, on reflection, I came to realize that I could take no credit for my sexual orientation. I had not the slightest idea how I came to be heterosex ual. As we worked together over that year, struggling with the nature and meanings of personhood, of sexuality, and of the church's rejection of persons with same-sex orientation, we developed a warm, intimate relationship with strong mutual respect. Sexuality, I came to realize, is something more than, and more mysterious than, genital sex. Sexuality is present as a dynamic force in all human experiences and relationships. That year of working with the Council on Religion and the Homosexual and the Theology Committee was a kind of new-birth experience for me, one could say a "spirituality birthing." For the first time in my life, I came to know at some depth Christians who were gay and lesbian. Some of these lay persons were active in congregations (though they remained closeted); others were very hurt and angry at the institution that had rejected them. All of them longed to give open expression to their faith; to be accepted as they were. And most felt accepted by God, though rejected by Christians. As I ruminated on my responses to fear of seduction-which disappeared after our first meeting-I experienced a spiritual breakthrough. Not only did I realize that I had responded homophobically because of fear of my own impulses; I also think I began to understand how a woman must feel in the midst of a group of macho men. I felt like a sex object-objectified, robbed of my personhood-not because any of the gay men had treated me that way but because I had imagined they would. This realization brought up the reality and brutality of sexism. I have struggled, since, with my own unconscious sexism. I also became aware of an issue more subtle than blatant sexism. I found that I was ashamed of my own feelings of tenderness, of compassion, of the unexpected teardrop. I saw the sexism in feeling that a man should be above such "womanlike" qualities. I was forced to embrace those parts of me, finally realizing that so-called feminine qualities are integral parts of my being and that learned "male" attitudes are false and destructive of relationships. Since my days at Glide, I have continued to grow in my understanding of the intricate relationships between sexuality and spirituality. Sexism, I now know, is in reality unhealed sexual dualism, supported by our male-dominated society. Such an awakening caused me to affirm that, truly, woman and man were, and are, both created in the image of the Creator (Genesis 1 :27). For centuries many of the Church Fathers posited as unchallengeable truth that women were inferior to men. St. Augustine's comment that "Man but not woman is made in the image and likeness of God"l is but one example. Not until the eye-opening feminist liberation movement of recent years has the male-dominated Church begun to understand the profound significance that such evil teachings have had in distorting the Gospel. By contrast, Meister Eckhart, the Dominican theologian who was condemned as a heretic by Pope John XXII and who developed the theory of "creationcentered" (as opposed to sin-redemption) spirituality, said "that the reason Eve was said to be created from Adam's side was to demonstrate the absolute equality of woman to man."2 Gradually, I have become aware that spirituality for me is not otherworldly or ethereal; God is immanent in creation. God is not limited in the least by the affirmation that the Divine is present and active in creation. God permeates being, is present in and to me and all human beings. The incarnation of God in Jesus of Nazareth affirms all creation, including human beings. It says that flesh is important, that flesh became the medium of divine communication. God's compassionate judgment was communicated in the earthly life of Jesus. The Reign of God, which was more central in Jesus' message, is here and now among us and in us. Relationship to God is awesome. Rather than the "up-there-ness" I had been struggling with, I now see spirituality as all-embracing, a kind of web of relationships that includes communion, celebration, earthiness, creativity, and hunger for ever more profound relationship to God. And an integral part of this web is sexuality, the psychological and physiological power by which we can be in community and can love. Sexuality, I now know, is essential in relationships; without it we can neither love others nor love God. 0 Notes 1. Quoted in Matthew Fox, Breakthrough: Meister Eckhart's Creation Spirituality in New Translation (Garden City, N.Y.: [mage Books, 1980), p. 41. 2. Quoted in ibid. Bob Treese is emeritus professor of practical theoLogy, Boston University SchooL of TheoLogy. He now resides in St. Louis. Anonymous am a recovering addict. 1 am I addicted to lust, to people. I use the lust connection I get from other people just as an alcoholic uses alcohol, or a drug addict uses cocaine, heroin, or valium. I use lust to escape reality and pain, to get me high, to bring me down, to cure the wrongs in my life. I grew up as a normal child-a little on the shy side-in a Christian home. Around the age of eleven, I began using fantasies to escape; fairy tales, movies, and books drew me into them. In them, I was beautiful and loved and desired. This "normal" childhood pastime developed into my coping mechanism for life. I became more comfortable in fantasy than in reality. I was very involved with the church during my teenage years. I was a leader in the United Methodist youth activities. I was admired and loved, but 1 did not feel confident. I felt afraid and alone and different. When I went away to college, I tasted my first freedom . . . and my first alcohol .. . and my first lust. I "came out" during my third year of college and feIt, finally, at one with myself. I was very comfortable as a lesbian. But finding my identity as a lesbian also introduced me to my drug of choice: lesbian women. I quit drinking alcohol when I fou nd the lesbian bars. 1 would sit at the bar drinking soft drinks and watching the women. I felt warm and excited and high when I watched the women. I loved the feeling of being in that place. Over the next several years, 1 crossed the line from abuse to addiction. I lost the freedom to choose whether or not I would become involved in relationships with women. I was powerless over my actions, over my life. Feeling the lust, feeding the desire became a compulsion. I was not a skid row sex drunk. I did not go on binges, go to prostitutes, sleep with "undesirables." My outward behavior fit very well into what was considered "acceptable" in the lesbian culture. But 1 was dying inside. 1 was using sex and lust to fill a very deep void in me, a hunger inside me. And I was filled with guilt and shame, confusion and insanity. 1 finally hit bottom when I found myself in an affair outside of my committed relationship. 1 had had affairs before, but 1 did not want to have this one. At each stage of the relationship, 1 tried to stop but could not. I was totally powerless over my feelings and my actions! Desperately, 1 sought help and found it in a 12-step program for sexual addiction. The point of this storytelling is that I have discovered that I used sex and lust in a spiritual way. My use of women was based on a piritual need. Each encounter with another began with the feelings that "this one is the one," "it feels like I've known her forever ... we must have been together in another life," "I feel whole when I am with her." 1 was addicted to this wonderful sense of oneness that came when 1 was physically intimate with another person. I was addicted to the romance, the rush, the pursuit, the excitement. I did not feel happy or whole unless I was involved in some aspect of a relationship. As 1 have gotten sober, I have realized that I was trying to fill an emptiness within me. I have discovered that the void in my soul was a God-hunger that can only be filled by a relationship with God. I tried to use lust and sex with other people to fill the emptiness inside me. Now I am beginning anew with my life. I am learning about true intimacy and love. I am getting well from this disease, which is physical, spiritual, and mental. I am content, excited, and loving life. I am finally learning-after a life of being in the church-how to have a spiritual relationship with God. 0 Open Hands 19 "VZn one hears the term spirituality,W ::mcerns about language and imagery may not immediately come to mind. Rather, the mention ofspirituality may inspire thoughts ofrelationship to some ethereal force or presence, some sacred being. ~ta careful consideration ofjust why certain ideas arise regarding the spiritual reveals that a close interconnectedness links language and imagery with spirituality. However any ofus views spirituality in relationship to our own lives, spirituality clearly is shaped and experienced through the language and images offaith. AsJames Nelson explains, spirituality includes disciplines and practices, but also myths, symbols, and rituals, informal as well as formal. It includes the affective as well as the cognitive. Significantly, spirituality includes the ways in which our relatedness to the ultimate affects our understandings and feelings of relatedness to everyone and everything else. I Myths, symbols, rituals, relatedness-all these are shaped and transmitted by language. This fact demonstrates the importance that language and imagery have in influencing ourperception and experience ofthe spiritual. The more inclusive the words and images that are used in worship, prayer, art7and literature7the more comprehensive a spirituality is possible. The use Of a malecenterec£ patriarchal language and imagery generates a male-centered spirituality. Nelson again: Because our imagery and language have been so onesidedly masculine, a masculinist-shaped spirituality has resulted. Hence we have experienced God dominantly as noun, as transcendence, as order, as structure, as law, as rationality. A more androgynous theological imagery and language will help us to experience God also as verb, as immanence, as creativity, as vulnerability, as flow, and as absolute relatedness to creation.2 To use inclusive language and imagery in worship7 in prayer, in dialogue is to open oneselfand the community ofwhich one is a part to spiritual growth and development beyond the confines of traditional restrictions. Their use also opens us to the possibility ofa justice-based spirituality. This justice-based spirituality was dreamed of by theprophets7who en.visionedjustice rolling down like water. This spirituality was sung ofby Mary, who experienced God acting to feed the hungry, bring thepowerfUl low, and offer liberation to those who live under oppression. This spirituality was claimed byJesus Christ, who envisioned his ministry as good news to the poor, release to the captives, and recovery ofsight to the blind. 20 Open Hands Fromjacobs L to Sarahs Circle: LanglUlge, lmage~ and spiritlUllity By Carolyn Henninger Oehler From Dominance/ Subordinance to Equality andCo-Creation M oving to this justice-based, inclusive spirituality means leaving behind language and imagery that foster dominance! subordinance metaphors for reality and embracing those that "affirm reciprocity in action."3 We need language and imagery that help us to claim the role of co-creator in our relationship to God and to other persons. We have ample evidence of the inadequacy of and damage done by male-dominated language and understandings. In the traditional hierarchy of dominance, God is viewed as Lord, King, all-powerful, transcendent, demanding human submission, and fostering a sense of human powerlessness. Coming next in the hierarchy, males assume the role of dominance over those beneath them. In this hierarchy, so-called generic language is common, with the male noun or pronoun used to represent all persons. The users of this language may not intend to be exclusive, but the effect nevertheless is to deny women's separate identity and power, both linguistically and in relationships. Dominating white male imagery and language serve to enforce subordinance of other groups as well-by race, by class, by sexual orientation. This dominance/subordinance understanding of God and of human relationships can be replaced by images and metaphors that teach us relationships of mutuality. Beverly Harrison, for example, writes of "One present who sustains us, gently but firmly grounding the fragile possibilities of our action, One whose power of co-relation enhances and enriches our acts aimed at human fulfillment, mutuality, and justice."4 Traditional faith language and imagery often are heterosexist, as well as sexist. The Church as the Bride of Christ, for example, presents difficulties for those seeking inclusive imagery. The use of heterosexist words and images shapes a spirituality that is the same, allowing for sexual beliefs and practices that distort or deny the goodness of human sexuality. As Nelson writes: "[T]he retheologizing of our language and imagery in sexually inclusive ways is a fundamental challenge of our day. At stake is a wholistic spirituality, for masculinist-shaped spirituality will only perpetuate alienation."5 From Dualism to an Integrated Spirituality If we are to develop a justice-based, inclusive spirituality, we must use language and imagery that move away from dualism toward an integrated language and spirituality. Dualistic thinking supposes a division of reality into two separate and opposite categories. Some dualisms are: God/creation, spirit/body, good/evil, spiritual/sexual, male/female, mind/emotion, white/black, rationality/intuition, heaven/earth, transcendence/immanence. These dualisms not only set up each category as opposites, they also describe God (and maleness) in the first category as good and the created world (and femaleness) in the second category as evil or "other." Using this kind of language and imagery to construct and describe reality can lead to a spirituality that supports oppression and injustice, since it denies that the creation, the body, and those equated with them must be treated with respect. This dichotomized spirituality separates God from God's creation and suggests that some persons are more spiritual than other persons. When homosexuality is defined primarily or exclusively as sexual behavior, then this dichotomized spirituality can consider gay and lesbian persons as "other" and as candidates for exclusion and oppression. When people of color fall on the "other" side of the dualism, then their oppression and exploitation can be justified. Dualistic language and imagery works against a justice-based spirituality. Dualisms like the spirit/body one have created an uneasiness in the church about the bodily implications of its worship. Leaving behind these dualisms can open us to the sacramentality that is hidden in human sexuality.6 The links between sexuality and spirituality are profound. Rather than seeing them as opposites, inclusive language and imagery can help us to experience them as part of one whole. From Death to Life-Giving Spirituality Creation-centered theology and spirituality offer a third possibility that the use of inclusive language and imagery helps to make possible. One suggested metaphor to connect creation and the creator is the image of Sophia, or Holy Wisdom. Susan Cady, Marian Ronan, and Hal Taussig explain: "Sophia provides exactly the image needed to make us aware of our own collective power, not as God's puppets, but as co-creators-or potential destroyers-of this planet. Sophia's continuing creativity, too, helps to keep before us the renewal of the earth, in birth, death, and resurrection."7 The introduction of Sophia as a metaphor for creativity signals the importance of a neglected aspect of God, sometimes called feminine, and the possible recovery of a biblical tradition that can contribute to a more inclusive spirituality. The links between spirituality and creativity are strong. And a creative spirituality must move away from exclusive, patriarchal imagery. Matthew Fox says: I think that for a theology to celebrate creativity, it must have a sense of the Motherhood of God. An exclusively paternalistic theology-which is what the West has had for three centuries, speaking and imaging God onLy as maLe-doesn't celebrate birthing, doesn't see birthing as the powerfuL, exciting, surprising, ecstatic, and spirituaL event that it is, personaLLy and culturally. 8 A spirituality that is life-giving will be shaped by language and imagery that are inclusive, rather than exclusive. Instead of alienation from our bodies and our life processes, we can claim an interrelatedness and connectedness to creation and to those created to be in community with us. Instead of being frozen in images that reinforce our powerlessness, we can become co-creators with God. Instead of accepting a spirituality that is misogynist and homophobic, we can be mothers and midwives in the shaping of a spirituality that celebrates rather than denies the world. A justice-based spirituality needs language and imagery that are creative, egalitarian, integrated, inclusive. Virginia Ramey Mollenkott predicts that "the inclusive naming of God will train us to include all aspects of ourselves and the whole human race, and all of creation in the category of what is holy. And that in turn will help to break our bondage to a spirit-body dualism and to hierarchical structures."9 That spirituality will be good news to the poor and to the oppressed and to all who seek wholeness and healing. It is also our hope of creating a truly inclusive community. 0 Notes 1. James B. Nelson, Between Two Gardens (New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983), p. 5. 2. Ibid. 3. Beverly Wildung Harrison, Making the Connections (Boston: Beacon Press, 1985), p. 39. 4. Ibid. 5. Nelson, Between Two Gardens, p. 52. 6. Ibid., p. i5. 7. Susan Cady, Marian Ronan, and Hal Taussig, Sophia (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1986), p. 80. . 8. Milenko Matanovic, Lightworks (Issaquah, Wash.: Lonan Press, 1985), p. 29. 9. Virginia Ramey Mollenkott, "God-In-Here-And-Everywhere," Daughters of Sarah, March/April 1985, p. 6. Carolyn Henninger Oehler is director of the Council on Ministries of the Northern Illinois Annual Conference, a Reconciling Conference of the UMC. Open Hands 21 L~r-----.~ __ P R_EPOR_T__ R_C _ FOur new local churches became Reconciling Congregations last fall, bringing the total to 29 at the end of 1987. As we have in the past, we present a brief introduction to the congregations that have joined this growing movement. University UMC (DeKalb, Illinois) University is the congregation affiliated with the Wesley Foundation at Northern Illinois University. Its congregation of about 50 members is comprised of faculty, staff, students, and their families. As a campus congregation, its miOlstries are primarily directed to the university community. Currently University is engaged in ministries in three areas: peace with justice, racism, and homophobia. The congregation has supported a variety of activities in these areas. The congregation has been dealing with issues related to lesbians and gay men since the early 1970s. Currently the Lambda Christian Fellowship operates from the church. In conjunction with other campus ministries, University has supported educational programs on AIDS and alcoholism in the gay/lesbian community. A resource collection of writings on religion and homosexuality has been developed at the church. St. Mark's UMC (New Orleans) St. Mark's was founded around the turn of the century as a community center in the French Quarter of New Orleans by the national women's agency of the Methodist Episcopal Church. A congregation grew out of its ministries to the needs of the Irish and Italians living there then. Although a small congregation, St. Mark's is a very close-knit community. Its membership of about 90 persons is interracial and includes a number of lesbians and gay men. Sunday morning worship is regularly joined by many tourists visiting the famous French Quarter. 22 Open Hands The community center is still active and now houses a street academy, an accredited alternative school for youths who have not functioned well in the public schools. As the Greater New Orleans Urban Ministry, St. Mark's and two other UM congregations cooperate in providing other community services. The church building is also home to the New Orleans Gay Men's Chorus. Metropolitan-Duane UMC (New York City) One of the early Methodist parishes in New York, Metropolitan-Duane traces its roots back to First Wesleyan Chapel in 1833. After several moves and mergers with other congregations, it acquired its current name and building in the 1930s. A small, but very active congregation, Metropolitan-Duane emphasizes development of the spiritual life and social justice for all persons. A Bible study group meets regularly. An excellent music program enhances weekly worship and provides many special events through the year. The congregation provides social activities for community youth, as well as several other community services. In addition to the many ministries supported by the congregation, its building houses many other community and religious organizations, including a Korean UM congregation, the Metropolitan Community Church of New York, the Greenwich Village branch of the NAACP, and Parents of Lesbians and Gays. The Church in Ocean Park (Ocean Park, California) The original Ocean Park congregation was founded about 90 years ago. Faced with a dwindling membership, the church was closed in 1972 and then reopened as a new congregation in 1973. Its current pastor, James Conn, began the new congregation as a new model of Christian community. The core group of about 75 persons in the congregation (Ocean Park does not have "members" per se) is a diverse group of persons from many different religious backgrounds and covers a wide age range. A large number of single and transitional persons are part of the congregation. The focus of its ministry is on establishing community and care for each other and the larger community. Several different groups meet regularly for spiritual development and personal support. Members of the community are engaged in many different social justice activities-world peace, justice in Central America, and the sanctuary movement. The building also houses several programs for empowering persons in need, including a homeless shelter, battered women's shelter, food bank and crisis counseling, and a child care center. CURRICULUM DEVELOPED FOR LESBIAN/G AY COUPLES T he Sacramento Affirmation group has initiated an enrichment program for lesbian or gay couples. The Affirmation group requested and received a $400 grant from the California-Nevada Annual Conference to develop the curriculum. Perry Wiggins, a marriage enrichment counselor and clergyman in the California Pacific Annual Conference, was retained to develop the curriculum. The first retreat was held on December 4-6 with six couples participating. The retreat was led by Wiggins and the Rev. Jane Spahr, a Presbyterian clergywoman. All participants rated the weekend very highly. The retreat became nationally known through press reports of the weekend and the fact that the California-Nevada conference had provided some funding. The largely negative response that this provoked is once again evidence of the prevalence of ____R C_PR_EPO R_T------'l,iiiJ homophobia in the denomination. The curriculum is being revised based upon the experience of the first retreat and should be available in March. For more information, contact Jeanne Barnett, 2340 Gila Way, Sacramento, CA 95864. RCP WORKSHOPS IN C OLUMBUS A ND I NDIANAPOLIS "Developing Intentional Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men" was the title of a workshop held in Columbus, Ohio, on February 6. More than 30 persons from the West Ohio Annual Conference of the UMC, representing more than a dozen local churches, participated. After opening with a presentation on the current situation of lesbians and gay men in our church and society, the workshop focused on the Reconciling Congregation Program as a means to engage in ministries with lesbians and gay men. Participants viewed the videotape from the Rep convocation in March 1987 and grappled with how to begin a reconciling process in their local churches. The day closed with a strategy session on how to have a larger impact on the annual conference. Members of Central UMC (a Reconciling Congregation in Toledo) were instrumental in planning the workshop and ensuring a lively, enthusiastic dialogue on a cold wintry day. On the following day, 15 members of the Indianapolis chapter of Affirmation gathered to view the RCP videotape and to plan for promotion of the RCP in the South Indiana Annual Conference. These are examples of many local efforts to empower local church ministries with lesbians and gay men and to evangelize about the Reconciling Congregation Program. Several other local events are being planned around the country this winter and spring. For more information on what is happening in your area, contact the RCP national office, P.o. Box 24213, Nashville, TN 37202. U M GENERAL CONFERENCE P LANS P ROCEED P lans for witnessing to the lesbian/gay presence in the United Methodist Church at the quadrennial policy-making gathering of the denomination are unfolding. The General Conference will meet April 26-May 6 in St. Louis, Missouri. Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns has written a platform statement which will be mailed to all 998 delegates to the General Conference. (A copy of the platform statement can be obtained by sending $3.00 to Affirmation, address below.) Affirmation members will be present throughout the 11 days of the General Conference to talk with delegates and visitors about the ministries of Affirmation. Affirmation also plans a celebrative dinner and a worship service, during the first week of the gathering, to memorialize persons who have died from AIDS. The Methodist Federation for Social Action (MFSA) has issued a "Reconciling Ministry Pledge for United Methodists." This 14-point pledge identifies ways in which concerned individuals can proclaim their solidarity with lesbians and gay men in the UMC. MFSA has included "removal of homophobic/heterosexist statements and strictures" from official denominational policies as one of its legislative priorities for the General Conference. MFSA also will be celebrating its 80th Anniversary Jubilee during the General Conference on Saturday, April 30. The dinner will celebrate the writing of the Social Creed of the denomination and the founding of MFSA 80 years ago. Affirmation and MFSA will each provide low-cost housing to supporters who will be present for any part or all of General Conference. For more information on housing or other activities, contact: Affirmation P.O. Box 1021 Evanston, IL 60204 or MFSA Shalom House 76 Clinton Avenue Staten Island, NY 10301 NATIONAL AFFIRMATION TO MEET THIS S PRING The upcoming biannual meeting of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns will be April 22-24 in St. Louis, just preceding General Conference. In addition to a special program, Affirmation members will select a new Coordinating Committee and complete plans for its presence at the General Conference. For more information on the meeting, contact Affirmation (address above). R CP CHALLENGED TO MEET GROWTH "God's Spirit is moving across the church" and "the Reconciling Congregation Program is on the move" were proclaimed in a January meeting of the Affirmation Coordinating Committee and the RCP Advisory Committee. This special meeting was called to address the rapidly increasing demand for information and support for the RCP across the country. In the meeting, decisions were made to: 1) expand the RCP Advisory Committee from four to eight persons, 2) devote more resources to fundraising in the next four months, and 3) begin the process of selecting a new program coordinator to replace Beth Richardson, who will retire from the program in May. It was also agreed that a recom- Open Hands 23 RC P REPORT mendation to hire two half-time cocoordinators be made at Affirmation's spring meeting. While recognizing that all the funds are not in place to make these moves, participants in this meeting made these decisions in response to the everincreasing amount of volunteer activity on behalf of the RCP across the country. As the RCP and Open Hands were initiated as a leap of faith, so these decisions will test the amount of support for ministries with lesbians and gay men in the church. Current members of the RCP Advisory Committee are: Ann Thompson Cook, Washington, D.C. Reva Anderson, Toledo, Ohio Tim Tennant-Jayne, Minneapolis Duane Wilkerson, San Francisco NATIONAL TOUR OF AIDS QUILT The NAMES Project, the national memorial to the tens of thousands of Americans who have died from AIDS, will begin its eagerly awaited national tour this spring. The quilt, formed of panels individually sewn by survivors and friends of those who have died, was unveiled at the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights last October. The quilt received such an overwhelming positive response that its coordinators decided to expand the project and take it on a national tour. The quilt will be displayed in 20 cities across the country. Funds raised from the tour will stay in the communities displaying the quilt to support local organizations providing direct services to persons with AIDS. The NAMES Project is seeking local volunteers to support the tour in each community (see list below). For more information or to volunteer your support in your city, contact the NAMES Project, P.o. Box 14573, San Francisco, CA 94114. They will let you know who the local coordinator in your city is. 24 Open Hands The cities and dates of the tour as Metropolitan-Duane UMC clo Takayuki Ishii 201 W. 13th Street New York, NY 10011 Washington Square UMC clo Don Himpel 135 W. 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC clo Beth Bentley Sixth Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 Calvary UMC clo Chip Coffman 815 S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 Dumbarton UMC clo Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Ave nue, NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC clo Kay M oore 4th and I Streets, SW Washington, DC 20024 SI. John's UMC clo How ard Nash 2705 SI. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC clo Sally Daniel 575 Boulevard, SE Altanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC clo Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Central UMC clo Chuck Larkins 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610 University UMC clo Steven Webster 1127 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 Wesley UMC clo Tim Tennant-J ayne Marquette at Grant Streets Minneapolis, MN 55403 University UMC clo Dave Sc hmidt 633 W. Loc ust DeKalb, IL 60115 Wheadon UMC clo Carol Larson 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Albany Park UMC cio Ted Luis, Sr. 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625 Irving Park UMC clo David Foster 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Kairos UMC clo Richard Vogel 6015 McGee Kansas City, MO 64113 SI. Mark's UMC clo David Schwarz 1130 N. Rampart Street New Orleans, LA 70116 St. Paul's UMC clo George Christie 1615 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218 Church in Ocean Park clo Judy Abdo 235 Hill Street Santa Monica, CA 90405 Wesley UMC clo Della Campbell 1343 E. Barstow Avenue fresno, CA 93710 Bethany UMC clo Kim Smith 1268 Sanchez Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Trinity UMC clo Arron Auger 152 Church Street San Francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC clo Elli Norris 2320 Dana Street Berkeley, CA 94704 Albany UMC clo Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706 Sunnyhills UMC clo Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC clo Dianne L. Grimard 101 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688 Wallingford UMC clo Margarita Will 2115 N. 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103 Capitol Hill UMC clo Mary Dougherty 128 Sixtee nth Street East Seattle, WA 98112 announced are: Los Angeles San Diego Phoenix Denver Kansas City St. Louis Dallas Houston New Orleans Atlanta Cleveland Baltimore Boston New York Philadelphia Detroit Chicago Minneapolis Seattle Portland April 5-11 April 11-14 April 14-18 April 20-24 April 25-28 April 28-May 2 May 3-6 May 6-10 May 10-16 May 25-31 June 1-6 June 6-13 June 15-20 June 20-28 June 28-July 4 July 5-8 July 8-12 July 13-18 July 22-26 July 26-31 RECONCILING CONGREGATIONS RECONCILING CONFERENCES California-Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 3 No 3 - Sexuality and Spirituality https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/bb98ab778df74dbedfe0bf4a7ec4be29.pdf 4979f7d094209cacedbfb55ab0fe3efb Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 3 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1988 Publication Date The date the issue was published Spring Text Any textual data included in the document '1 syour heart true to my heart as mine . ? If'1S to yours. . .. tt Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation P rogram Bui dingReconci IngMinistries The \Nelcome Place: Biblical Hospitality for Lesbians and Gay Men Stephen GMgory Page 3 Profile ofa Reconciling Movement Madr lowman Page 6 Reconciliation in Action ...... 1enIIey Page 9 ChucII: LaIIrIns Page i O Richard Schloner Page ii Sandy'forIc Page i2 Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for l esbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling Congregation Program ~ p.D. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph Art Director Brenda Roth Production Artist Dan Barker Cover Graphic: Brenda Roth Contributors to This Issue Beth Bentley, Donald Bossart, Sally Daniel, Roger Gilkeson, Stephen Gregory, Chuck larkins, Viki Matson, Richard Schlosser, Deen Thompson, Sandy York. Open HtlIHIs (formerly lot."". for ,,,. 100000000Y) is published four times a year. Subscription is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $4 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are availabfe as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: 0petJ tt.nds P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Copyright 1988 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 2 Open Hands Contents ThiS spring marks the fourth anniversary of the Reconciling Congregation Program. With this issue of Open Hands, we celebrate the 32 Reconciling Congregations, 4 Reconciling Conferences, and the many More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ) and Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran) churches who open their doors to welcome lesbians and gay men and all other persons into the family of God. The issue begins with "The Welcome Place: Biblical Hospitality for Lesbians and Gay Men" (p. 3) by Stephen Gregory, which offers a biblical/theological foundation for ministries with lesbians and gay men. Mark Bowman relates the history of and reflections on the Reconciling Congregation Program in "Profile of a Reconciling Movement" (p. 6). Several members of Reconciling Congregations tell stories of their congregations' ministries with lesbians and gay men in "Reconciliation in Action" (p. 9). Beth Bentley talks about "Celebrating Gay Pride Day," Chuck Larkins writes on "Approaching the Hierarchy," Richard Schlosser speaks about "AIDS Ministries in the Local Church," and Sandy York tells the story of "Becoming a Reconciling Conference." Two special stories unveil the thoughts of a closeted gay manRoger Gilkeson's "Opening Closet Doors" (p. 14)-and of a pastor-Sally Daniel's "Into the Wilderness" (p. 20)-as their churches became Reconciling Congregations. We also offer assistance for the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. Donald Bossart gives a helpful framework for dealing with "Conflict Resolution in the Local Church" (p. 16). SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT (p. 18) offers suggestions for celebrating a "Season of Reconciliation" in your local church. This is offered by Viki Matson who attends Edgehill UMC, a Reconciling Congregation, in Nashville, Tennessee. RESOURCES (p. 23) lists the many publications developed for Reconciling, More Light, Open and Affirming, and Reconciled-in-Christ congregations, along with worship resources. In a SPECIAL REPORT we look at the progress of dealing with lesbian/ gay issues in the larger Christian community in "Continuing the Dialogue: MCC and the National Council of Churches" (p. 21) by Bradley Rymph. By sharing some of what we have learned in these four years, we extend an invitation to other congregations to join this reconciling movement. NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: AIDS and the Ministry of the Church 'l3y stephen (jregory {jod, a Stranger Longing to be wefcomet£ Basic to the biblical understanding of hospitality is that from the beginning Yahweh, the God of the Hebrews, chooses to be a god that prefers the life of the sojourner in the desert. Yahweh's first command to the parents of the Hebrew nation, to Abraham and Sarah, is to leave their home and to journey as strangers to a new land. Both God and God's people from the start are people on the move in need of a resting place and of gracious hospitality. Genesis 18: 1-15 records the story of three strangers who pass by the tent of Abraham and Sarah. Abraham greets them with the traditional hospitality of the ancient Near East by offering drink, washing their feet, and feeding them their finest food. One of the strangers speaks and announces that barren Sarah will give birth to a son in the spring. The strangers who bear the news are God. By welcoming the strangers, Abraham and Sarah welcome God and discover God's promise. In the next chapter of Genesis, two angels journey to Sodom. Lot meets them and welcomes them in the same manner as his uncle, Abraham, had welcomed the three strangers earlier. The visitors decide to stay the night. The men of Sodom hear the news and desire to act out their lust and evil on the visitors. Lot goes to any extremes to protect his guests-even offering his daughters to satisfy the lust of the men. Lot, who too is a stranger to Sodom, is threatened. He shuts his guests behind the door. The men of Sodom are struck blind. Then the strangers, messengers from God, tell Lot and his family to escape. The next day Sodom is destroyed. The way the men of Sodom treat the strangers is a concrete sign of the pervasiveness of that city's wickedness. All reverence for the sojourner is disregarded. If only the Sodomites had been hospitable rather than violent, they could have heard the news of the strangers and, like Lot and his family, might have been spared the tragic outcome. When Sodom is destroyed, its citizens' primary sin is the neglect and abuse of strangers. (See Ezekiel 16:49-50 and Matthew 10:5-15).* *Editors' note: For a discussion of what this scriptural story says about cultural perceptions of women and sexuality in early biblical times, see "Lot's Daughter's" by Sheila Briggs, Open Hands, Fall 1987. Open Hands 3 In the New Testament, Jesus continues the presence of God as a sojourner. After Joseph and Mary journey to Bethlehem, he is delivered. Turned away from an inn, Jesus too comes as one ready to be welcomed. Jesus sees that how one welcomes the stranger and the outcast is how one welcomes him. The act of hospitality and compassion to the stranger is what indicates one's relationship to Jesus and one's ultimate salvation. "Come, 0 blessed of my Father, inherit the realm prepared for you from the foundation of the world, for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me .... Truly I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brethren [and sisters] you did it to me." (Matthew 25:34-46) Luke's account of the resurrection appearance of Jesus on the road to Emmaus (Luke 24: 13-35) affirms the power of hospitality. Two apostles are walking along a road talking with a stranger-telling the story of Jesus' death. They are also listening to the stranger's teaching. But when they invite him into their home to share food and when he breaks bread, their eyes are opened! They recognize Jesus in the breaking of the bread. As Henri Nouwen has said, "Old and New Testament stories not only show how serious our obligation is to welcome the stranger in our home, but they also tell us that guests are carrying precious gifts with them, which they are eager to reveal to a receptive host." I And the writer of Hebrews offers a summary reminder, "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unawares." (Hebrews 13:2) "Every gay man and every lesbian woman grows up like an orphan and like a stranger. Most grow up knowing they are not accepted by their family and their church. Most are isolated," says the gay Catholic theologian John McNeill.2 If you are lesbian or gay, or if you care for someone who is, you know the stories of such isolation. A young man from Alabama gets lost in alcohol to cover up his feelings about being gay. More and more, he destroys himself because when he is sober he remembers the hate he feels from people. Finally he gets help, gets sober, meets a few Christian lesbians and gay men, and comes to some peace. But the hatred still eats away at him. A lesbian couple has been together for years. Their devotion and fidelity to one another witnesses to the power of what Christian intimacy can be. Yet neither has introduced the other to her aging parents. They plan on doing it soon, but the idea of disappointing or even risking isolation has delayed for years the completeness that might come. Every time the gifted pastor meets with the other members of his Conference Board of Ordained Ministry, his heart breaks. It is not that he doesn't feel called; it's not that he believes he should bailout of the United Methodist Church because of its ordination stance. His heart breaks because he wants some "official" acceptance. He figures it will never come and in a way he will always have to hide. Peggy Way, a therapist and retired professor of pastoral counseling at Vanderbilt University, has said, "For the straight world and especially the mainline churches, after people of different color, after people of different classes, gays and lesbians will be the last group they will be hospitable to. Gays and lesbians are the strangers." Like the biblical strangers, many gay men and lesbians just might be "God's angels." Like other people, they carry God's promises-waiting to be given to those who would wel4 Open Hands come them. The testimonies of many heterosexual persons from Reconciling Congregations and from Christians who have opened themselves to the lives of lesbians and gay men give witness to a deep faith of lesbian/gay persons that has come through struggle, acceptance, grace, and salvation. god wefcomes the Stranger God not only comes as the stranger; God also welcomes the stranger. Matthew Fox speaks of God's hospitality to all the persons of the earth: {Tlhe Creator God is a gracious, an abundant, and a generous host/hostess. She has spread out for our delight a banquet that was twenty billion years in the making . ... God has declared that this banquet is "very gooa" and so are we, blessings ourselves, invited to the banquet. 3 When the Hebrew children wander in the desert after escaping Egypt's oppression, God as a gracious host feeds them with manna and quail and gives them water to drink. (Exodus 16, 17) Though Jesus the wanderer often is a guest himself, he also is the gracious host to all the strangers he encounters. For Jesus, the stranger is the one who suffers the most, who is the lowliest, and who is the outcast of society. Around the table, Jesus repeatedly includes the stranger. He turns the tables on Mary and Martha and on the despised tax collectors, Levi and Zacchaeus, when he chooses to enjoy their hospitality. By his presence, they are hallowed and welcomed. He invites those who labor and are heavy ladened to find rest in him. In Jesus' parables, the rebellious son receives a banquet on his return; the battered traveler is given lodging and personal attention by the Samaritan; the rowdies and street people of his day are welcomed to a banquet. And, at the last supper, he invites his disciples, fishers and outcasts, to partake in his very presence, to gain strength and life from him. Finally, Jesus points to the great heavenly banquets of the future, where the faithful will gather at his table. Recalling the hospitality of Abraham, Jesus declares, "I tell you, many will come from the east and the west and sit at the table with Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob in the realm of heaven." (Matthew 8: 11) Jesus promises his disciples that they will "eat and drink at my table" in heaven. (Luke 22:30) Among gay men and lesbians, the message "You are welcome here" gets around. Quickly they know the bar, the party, or the restaurant where they are welcome. When Christian congregations, pastors, or laypersons speak those words, they speak for God. Most lesbians and gay men in our society grow up in a church, but the older they get the more many of them assume the church does not want them. Indeed, denominations' official stands push gay men and lesbians to the outside rather than welcome them to the inside. Gay men and lesbians often are surprised to discover a congregation that welcomes them either by becoming a Reconciling Congregation or simply by unspoken ways that it involves others like them in the full life of the congregation. One important sign of hospitality to lesbians and gay men-as to all Christians-is the Lord's Supper. At a table through the sharing of food, the stranger turns into friend. Charles Wesley's hymn, "Come, Sinners, to the Gospel Feast," bids everyone come to the Lord's table: Come, sinners to the gospel feast; Let every soul be Jesus' guest; Ye need not one be left behind, For God hath bidden [hulmankind. Come all ye souls by sin oppressed, Ye restless wanderers after rest; Ye poor, and maimed, and halt, and blind, In Christ a hearty welcome find. At Christ's table, gay men and lesbians find a welcome home. They need not come as persons repenting of their sexual orientation. Rather, they are called to repent of the same sins for which the heterosexual must repent-the same lust, greed, gluttony, and injustices-and they long for the same forgiveness and renewal. This important symbolism of the Lord's table became especially apparent to me the first time I served communion to gay men and lesbians who knew I was gay. They received God's nourishment confident that God welcomes them just as much as any of the heterosexual members of my congregation. And the loving way in which they received the elements from me was, to me, also a sign that I am welcomed by God. {jod rrransforms the Stranger Into :J{ostess aruf :J{ost In the Old Testament, the beloved wandering people of God finally find a welcome place. In time, they receive the promise of the land. But God reminds these chosen people that, because they have once been strangers, they must care for the stranger that comes their way. "You shall not oppress a stranger," says Exodus 23:9; "you know the heart of a stranger, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt." After reminding them that God executes justice to the widow and orphan and loves the sojourner, God commands them, "Love the sojourner therefore; for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt." (Deuteronomy 10: 19) And they are called on to leave grain in the fields and grapes in the vineyard after the harvest for the stranger, the widow, and the orphan because, again, they have once been strangers. (Deuteronomy 25:19-22) The transformation from stranger to host and hostess has a similar impact in the New Testament. In a very real way by Jesus inviting himself to the home of Zacchaeus, Jesus plays host to the despised tax collector. Jesus' welcoming of Zacchaeus transforms him so that he not only opens his home but also gives to the poor and restores fourfold all the funds that he has acquired by cheating. The transformation is powerfully declared in the letter to the Ephesians. Paul welcomes the gentile convert, who is the stranger to the 1 st century church-not just as a welcome guest but as part of the family: "So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners, but you are fellow citizens and members of the household of God, built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Christ Jesus himself being the cornerstone." (Ephesians 2: 19,20) That transformation demands from the follower of Christ the same response that God demands of the Hebrews. Because you have been welcomed, welcome others. Paul writes to the church at Rome, "Welcome one another, therefore, as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God." (Romans 15:7) That same transformation is happening among Christian gay men and lesbians today. For example, a lesbian from Seattle got into Nashville early for a national meeting. She had time to spare and didn't know what to do. So she headed to the local Reconciling Congregation, where she hoped to be welcomed. And she was. But before she had time to sit for a southern-style chat, she was handed a dipper to help dish out food to the community's poor and hungry. She was no longer a stranger. Lesbian, that didn't matter. She was so at home, so loved by God, she turned into host. The compassion that gay men (as well as many lesbians and heterosexual Christians) are offering to their brothers with AIDS is amazing. Because many Christians, both lesbian/gay and heterosexual, have reached out to gay men suffering with AIDS, some gay men that never felt God's welcome before have been welcomed. Gay men and lesbians, who feel the hospitality of Christ and Christ's church, are reaching out to their brothers. In their hospitality to the suffering, they indeed have discovered "angels unaware." Gay men and lesbians who have felt and know the hospitality of Christ must make Christ's welcome known to others in acts of compassion, forgiveness, justice, and peace. Their ministry must extend to others that are the strangers in our world-those who are hungry, who seek sanctuary, who work for peace, who are in prison, who are children abused, who suffer from addictions. Mother Teresa reminds us, "Because we cannot see Christ we cannot express love to him; but our neighbors we can always see, and we can do for them, what, if we saw him, we would like to do for Christ." 4 All Christians-lesbian/gay and heterosexual-must speak words of invitation to those gay brothers and lesbian sisters who remain the strangers to come to the welcome places-to those rare and brave congregations-and to the family of those courageous and gentle followers of Jesus. H OSPitality is at the core of God's message to the world. It is what Henri Nouwen has identified as "a fundamental attitude toward our fellow human being." 5 And it is the fundamental attitude God has toward us. "My lesbian sisters and gay brothers, my heterosexual sisters and brothers, welcome!" 0 !1(iferences I. Henry J. M. Nouwen, Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life (Garden City, NY.: Doubleday, 1975), p. 47. 2. John McNeill, personal communication. 3. Matthew Fox, Original Blessing: A Primer in Creation Spirituality (Santa Fe, N.M.: Bear & Company, 1983), pp. 112, 113. 4. Mother Teresa of Calcutta, A Gift jor God: Prayers and Meditations (New York: Harper & Row, 1975), p. 28. 5. Nouwen, Reaching Out, p. 48. The following other books are also worthy ofattention: John McNeill, Taking a Chance on God: Liberation Theology for Gays and Lesbians, Their Lovers, Friends, and Family (Boston: Beacon Press, forthcoming). Parker J. Palmer, The Company of Strangers: Christians and the Renewal of America's Public Life (New York: Crossroad, 1986). Gerhard von Rad, Genesis: A Commentary (Philadelphia: Westminster, 1961). Stephen Gregory is a pen name for a United Methodist pastor who is gay and who deLights in weLcoming others. However he doesn't yet feel welcome enough to speak his own name beyond a whisper. Someday . .. Open Hands 5 PROFILE OF A RECONCILING MOVEMENT ay 10, 1984, resides in Mhistory as a day of ignomy in the United Methodist Church (UMC). On that evening, the General Conference of the denomination enacted, by a vote of 525 to 442, a church law explicitly prohibiting the ordination and appointment of "selfavowed, practicing homosexuals." This action, narrowly interpreted, dealt specifically with the ordination of clergy. However, in a larger sense, it was the culminating victory of church forces seeking to squelch a growing movement affirming lesbian/gay participation within the church. To those viewing the General Conference proceedings through the national media, the message was clear: the UMC is an unwelcome place for lesbians and gay men. Early the following morning, several persons from Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns gathered outside the doors of the Baltimore Civic Center. As the General Conference delegates and visitors entered the building for morning worship, they were handed leaflets inviting UM local churches to become "Reconciling Congregations"-local churches who publicly welcome all persons into Christian community. Within a few days, two congregations answered the call. Appropriately enough, they were at the ends of the continent-Washington Square UMC in New York City and Wesley UMC in Fresno, California. Within a year, 11 local churches voted 6 Open Hands By Mark Bowman to become Reconciling Congregations. The Reconciling Congregation movement that was born that early morning in Baltimore has grown to include 32 UM congregations and 4 annual conferences throughout the country. Reconciling Congregations are in major urban centers like New York, Chicago, and San Francisco, and they are in small towns like Milpitas, California, and DeKalb, Illinois. They are geographically spread across the country with at least 2 in each of the 5 UMC jurisdictions. They range in size from 500 members to 50 members. Many of them are interracial congregations-Black, White, Hispanic, and Asian. Some Reconciling Congregations have been in ministry with lesbians and gay men in their neighborhood for many years; others were not conscious of their ministry with lesbians and gay men until they began the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. About one-half have or have had a woman as pastor. In those early months, Beth Richardson and I agreed to serve as the co-coordinators of the Reconciling Congregation Program. These past four years have held both unexpected joys and numerous frustrations. I have been awed by the resolute and fa ithful expressions of Christian love received unexpectedly from many laypersons. I have been horrified at the entrenchment of homophobia and prejudice in the institutional church. I have seen miracles at work: at those times when there was no one to do a critical task, no money to move ahead, no prospect of the next Reconciling Congregation, God has moved a person or groups of persons to fill that void. In the face of human doubt, God has gently led and pushed this movement forward. The Reconciling Congregation movement has continued to steadily grow and build momentum over the past four years. One image that captures for me much of what is happening in the Reconciling Congregation movement is from the Gospel of Matthew. In chapter 9, Jesus is questioned by other religious leaders as to why his disciples do not fast, i.e., do not follow the traditional religious practices. Jesus responds as usual with a question-asking his questioners whether they would patch an old coat with a new, unshrunken piece of cloth, or whether they would pour new wine into old wineskins. Jesus' message is clear-new life doesn't mix with old religious and social forms. God's revelation continues to unfold through history, challenging the community of faith to respond. Responding in faith is to take risks, to be pioneers, to reach out to the everchanging human community with the promise of new life. Here are some ways in which Reconciling Congregations are creating new wineskins as vessels for God's grace. BUILDERS OF INCLUSIVE COMMUNITY. Reconciling Congregations have taken seriously the call to be in ministry with all persons. I am reminded of this each time I am able to worship with a different Reconciling Congregation. Most Reconciling Congregations are different from typical mainline Protestant congregations, which are generally white, suburban, and middle class. Rec- Graphics: Tim Achor-Hoch onciling Congregations, more often than not, reflect the diversity of God's human creation-persons of many colors, nationalities, physical conditions, economic means, sexual orientations. Worshipping with them is a reminder that God doesn't offer redemption only to those persons who meet our social and religious standards of success and acceptibility. Reconciling Congregations are a modern reflection of the delightful, motley band of followers that Jesus attracted. I've often thought that the community gathered for the national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in March 1987 was a glimpse of the church of the future. Here were 125 persons-Black, White, and other races; female and male; gay and straight; young and old; in different physical and economic conditions-who were joined in community to celebrate their common ministries. Differences between persons were not threats to the community, but instead were gifts to add richness to the community. Certainly this must be what God is calling the church to be. most of their members to suburban flight. Wesley (Minneapolis), Central (Toledo), Irving Park (Chicago), and Metropolitan-Duane (New York) reformulated their missions during the 1970s to respond to the justice needs of their new communities. Reconciling Congregations are sometimes referred to disparagingly (and inaccurately) as "gay churches." We remember similar labels being thrown at congregations like these (many times the same congregations) who were in the forefront of the civil rights movement. Reconciling Congregations are engaged in ministries advocating God's justice and liberation for many different groups of persons. (Examples of these ministries are given on p. 13.) Reconciling Congregations are pioneers who have chosen to take seriously the biblical mandate for social justice. RISK TAKERS. even when it meant the Cross, so Reconciling Congregations have made the decision to be faithful, rather than popular. TRAVELERS ON A SPIRIT-LED MOVEMENT. In the early months of the program, Beth and I made great plans for how this reconciling movement would develop. We designed organizational plans and structures. We prepared lists of potential congregations on which to focus our work. We set goals and planned strategies for carrying out those goals. Not surprisingly, this reconciling movement did not simply unfold at our direction. Instead, God's spirit began moving persons through the church. Many friends in AffirmaPIONEERS IN BIBLICAL JUSTICE. Ministry with lesbians and gay men is not an isolated justice concern for most Reconciling Congregations. Most Reconciling Congregations have been in the forefront of earlier movements for social justice. Christ (Washington, D.C.), Edgehill (Nashville), and Sunnyhills (Milpitas, California) trace their roots to the civil rights movement and concerns for racial integration in the late 1950s and early 1960s. Other congregations, like St. Mark's (New Orleans) and University (Madison, Wisconsin), have roots earlier in this century and were active advocates for European immigrants who faced social injustice at that time. Several Reconciling Congregations were formerly large, fashionable, urban churches who lost Local churches have made the decision to become a Reconciling Congregation recognizing the possible negative repercussions of such a move. Some members have threatened to leave if their congregation adopted an open stance to lesbians and gay men. Some congregations have feared the loss of district or conference financial support for their ministries. Some pastors have feared that they may be blackballed or given undesirable appointments in the future. However, becoming a Reconciling Congregation has meant that a congregation has chosen what its members believe to be God's calling instead of the path of least resistance. I find this to be a vital sign of renewal in the church today. Our church is an institution that is increasingly aligned with the social status quo and in which only "popular" causes are embarked upon. Each of us has had the experience of disillusionment at the failure of the church to take risks for the sake of the Gospel. As Jesus refused continually to take the easy way out, tion and the Methodist Federation for Social Action began organizing and promoting the program in their local communities. Often the Spirit moved in unexpected places, at unexpected times, doing unexpected things. We received inquiries and even news of decisions to become Reconciling Congregations from local churches that were completely unknown to us. In June of 1986, I received a phone call from a friend telling me that the Northern Illinois Annual Conference had voted to become a Reconciling Conference. I was incredulous. We had never conceived such a notion. How would we deal with a Reconciling Conference? Since that time, three other annual conferences have voted to become Reconciling Conferences. For many of us, it is a challenge to walk in cadence with the movement of God's Spirit. We sometimes run too far ahead or try to take shortcuts. At these times, we invariably stumble and fall. Each time this happens God takes us by the hand and brings us back in step with our fellow travelers. There we can once again be channels of God's Spirit. Open Hands 7 SEED PLANTERS. Most of my phone calls to Reconciling Congregations seem to provoke responses of guilt and the statement, "We've really not done much as a Reconciling Congregation." I've gradu:. ally learned that this response does not indicate lack of action as much as a desire to be doing more. The gift most Reconciling Congregations bring to the larger church is the belief that God's call for justice-seeking ministries is a primary mission of the church. The utter seriousness with which a congregation adopts that stance can lead to a sense of failure if that congregation doesn't establish God's reign on earthby tomorrow. However, these phone conversations inevitably lead to the discovery of many seemingly small actions that reflect the congregation's mission as a Reconciling Congregation. A Reconciling Congregation is planting seeds, not constructing a forest. Reconciling Congregations make public their openness to lesbians and gay men in their Sunday morning bulletins and their newsletters, on the walls of their church buildings, on signs outside their churches and in their advertisements. Reconciling Congregations also offer hospitality to many organizations serving lesbian/gay constituencies. Gay men's choruses, congregations of the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, lesbian/ gay synagogues, local Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays groups, gay/lesbian resource centers, and AIDS projects, to name a few, all find a home in Reconciling Congregations. Reconciling Congregations have also planted many seeds in the larger church. The Church in Ocean Park (Santa Monica, California) related its ministries with lesbians and gay men to its bishop who was speaking at its 75th anniversary celebration. Central (Toledo) informed its district superintendent that its new pastor should be open to being in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Dumbarton (Washington, D.C.) has entered into discussions with 8 Open Hands a UM seminary over an intern's preparedness for being in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Washington Square (New York), Wallingford (Seattle), and St. Paul's (Denver) have provided most of the direction and leadership for their annual conference's education and ministry to persons with AIDS. Calvary (Philadelphia) and Wesley (Minneapolis) were featured as models of ministry in the largest newspaper circulated to United Methodists. (However, the newspaper minimized mention of the congregation's ministry to the lesbian/gay community.) The Reconciling Congregations in Seattle and the Bay Area have each formed regional task forces to nurture and develop current and new Reconciling Congregations. These are only a few of the seeds planted by Reconciling Congregations over the past four years. Together with the seeds that will be planted in coming years, they will grow, in time, into gardens and forests. As such, they provide sustenance and support for future Reconciling Congregations and a vision of new possibilities for the larger church. WHERE WE ARE. The first four years of the Reconciling Congregation movement are overflowing with stories of the wondrous display of God's grace. This movement has had a profound impact on the larger church and will continue to do so in the future. The movement already has brought at least three important gifts to the larger church in dealing with lesbian/gay concerns and other issues of reconciliation. To the United Methodist Church, which has been primarily concerned with denominational policy towards lesbians and gay men, Reconciling Congregations ask a different question. Instead of "Should we ordain lesbians and gay men?" or "What do we believe about homosexuality?," Reconciling Congregations ask "Can we exclude anyone from our local church's ministries?" In actuality, this is not a new question but instead a reframing of the concern which points to a concern prior to denominational policy and law. The UMC's connectional structure and laws exist to empower local church ministries. The homophobic policies the denomination has adopted have hindered local church ministries. Many lesbians and gay men have left local churches and continue to do so. Reconciling Congregations are reminding the church ofits primary mission and calling on it to move from a policy of exclusion to a ministry of openness. The second gift, related to the first one, is that the Reconciling Congregation movement moves lesbians and gay men from being an "issue" to being persons. It is too often the case that oppressed persons are treated as a category or an abstract concern, and not as real, live persons. This is the luxury of persons in power-to conceptually struggle with ideas while ignoring persons in need. The primary concern of lesbians and gay men is not "What does the Bible or the church say about homosexuality?" The concerns of lesbians and gay men are: Is this a community which can address my spiritual needs? Is this a community where I can offer my God-given gifts? Is this a community that can celebrate my joys and grieve with my losses? Finally, the Reconciling Congregation movement offers local churches a focus for discussion and dialogue on lesbian/gay concerns. Many local churches have conducted study sessions and forums on human sexuality, including homosexuality. These learning opportunities are important for overcoming ignorance and stimulating persons' growth. Study, however, cannot be an end in itself. Christian faith is manifest in action. The process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation takes the discussion from the theoretical level and brings it home. It places lesbian/ gay concerns within the context of the congregation's activity-its ministries. I do not know what God holds in store for the Reconciling Congregation movement in the next four years. I am convinced that this inclusive movement of pioneers, risk takers, and seed planters will continue to be led by God's Spirit. Together, we will make a difference in formulating the church's ministries. 0 M ark Bowman is a co-coordinator of the ReconciLing Congregation Program and member of Christ UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C. RECONCILIATION IN Ac T ION Engaging in ministries with lesbians and gay men may mean entering an unknown territory for a congregation, Anticipation of such ministries may induce d iscomfort and fears on the part of many members of a congregation, However, as the following stories portray, Reconciling Congregations and other local churches have taken this step, Their experience has not onIy been satisfying as a fulfillment of Biblical hospitality, but also has been enriching for their community life, The following stories demonstrate reconciliation in action in a local church, We recognize that reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men are only a part of what it means to be a Reconciling Congregation, A Reconciling Congregation br ings God's message of liberation, hospitality, and reconci I iation to all persons, This is, in fact, the reality in Reconc iling Congregations today, The box below lists a sampling of the ministries of current Reconciling Congregations, What we see emerging is a whole tapestry of reconciling ministries, addressing local and global needs along the whole spectrum of God's human creation, Ce ebrating Goy Pride Day By Beth Bentley ince declaring ourselves a SReconciling Congregation, the Park Slope United Methodist Church in Brooklyn has celebrated Gay Pride Day twice as a congregation. By participating in these activities, we experienced firsthand what reconciliation means. In 1986, we marched in the New York City Gay Pride Parade carrying a banner that read "Park Slope United Methodist Church: Gay and Straight Reconciled by Faith in a Loving God." We had heard there would be counterdemonstrators at St. Patrick's Cathedral who were religious people. As we passed the counterdemonstrators, we hoisted our banner higher and hoped its message would challenge them to reexamine their beliefs. Although their opposition to homosexuality was based on their interpretation of the Bible, ironically all but two of their signs bore secular slogans. Of the two religious signs, one misquoted John 3: 16 saying "God sent Jesus to punish sinners," and the other carried a positive message from a children's song "Jesus loves me this I know, for the Bible tells me so." Frequently as we marched, spectators would clap or cheer us on when they saw our banner. One from our group would go over to them to find out why. Their responses varied. Some were from our neighborhood, some liked our message, and some were actually United Methodists. One United Methodist spectator decided to join in and march with us. He was a former minister who had left the ministry after coming out of the closet. When he realized that most of our group consisted of nongay/lesbian people, he commented, "You marched all this way and you didn't even have to!" The unnecessary loss of this person's service as a minister because of the homophobia of the United Methodist denomination was just one example of the many reasons we "had to" march. In 1987, one church member, a festival organizer, invited us to work at a table at the Gay Pride Festival in our neighborhood. In my fairly short career as an activist, I had always found "tabling" to be an experience to be endured for the good of " the cause" (and I had endured it through rain, cold, heat, and unreceptive neighborhoods in the past!). I tried to draft enough other people to staff the table so I wouldn't have to, but unfortunately, I was stuck doing my shift as well. My apparent misfortune turned out to be a blessing. While I passed out church brochures and talked with the few people who stopped by our table, I was also able to hear a variety of musical groups, take turns visiting other tables, buy delicious food, get a shoulder massage (I'll table anytime for that), admire the fabulous decorations, feel the positive energy flowing in the room, and actually enjoy the experience. At both the parade and the festival, most of the representatives from our church have been nonlesbianl gay. Several of the nongay/lesbian participants have observed that taking part in such events enabled them to better see their own homophobia. In spite of their rational beliefs about homosexuality, they found themselves worrying that someone would see them and think they were lesbianIgay (God Open Hands 9 RECONCILIATION IN Ac TION forbid!). Some felt uncomfortable suddenly being in the minority (even though no one was harassing them for being a minority) or wondered why they felt the urge to make it clear to strangers that they were not gay/ lesbian (as they had with the man we befriended at the march). Those who have not participated in these events because of such worries are nudged and challenged by the example of those who have. Our participation in Gay Pride Day events continues to serve an important role in the process of learning what it means individually and as Approach i ng The Hierarchy By Chuck Larkins here always is some trepidaTtion involved when we decide to approach our denominational hierarchy. The situation was no different when Central United Methodist Church in Toledo, Ohio, decided to help organize a statewide conference on the Reconciling Congregation Program. We certainly wanted to let the United Methodist leaders of the West Ohio Conference know what we were up to, but we were a little nervous as to what to expect in response. The Toledo district superintendent (OS), Vance Summers, had always been aware of Central's mission and outreach to the gay and lesbian community. However, he had not become familiar with the Reconciling Congregation movement specifically. Therefore, some of us at Central thought it would be a good idea to meet with him, explain the program, and inform him that in February of this year we were planning a little "heresy" by organizing the conference. We also wanted him to inform the bishop of the West Ohio Conference, Edsel A. Ammons, of what we were up to. We had no intention of "bushwacking the bishop"-we wanted him to know what was going on. 10 Open Hands After several calls to the District office-all district superintendents seem to be the busiest people around-a luncheon appointment was scheduled. Central's pastor, Kevin Chambers (appointed the previous June fresh out of seminary); Kevin's father, Chester Chambers, metropolitan coordinator of the Toledo District office; Reva Anderson, Central's chair of Outreach (and on the RC advisory committee); and myself (lay member of the annual conference) met with the OS to make our pitch. In anticipation of the meeting, we had prepared a packet of information concerning the RC program, including an issue of Open Hands. Since both our OS and the bishop are black, we felt that the best issue to include was the "Minorities within a Minority" issue. We prepared a packet for each of them. After some general conversation and presentation of the materials, we began to discuss the RC program and what we might like to accomplish within the West Ohio Conference. At that point, Vance stopped to caution us on what the Discipline said about expending money on programs to "promote" homosexuality. As with many church leaders, he was under the impression that that prohibition meant conference or district money could not be spent. We rapidly corrected that misconception, and his a congregation to be "reconciled by faith in a loving God." 0 Beth Bentley is Lay Leader and chair of the SociaL Action Committee at Park SLope UMC, a ReconciLing Congregation in BrookLyn, NY. She is married and empLoyed by New York Housing. response was, "Well, maybe I had better read what the Discipline actually says if that's the case." Vance listened carefully, asking questions where he felt he needed clarification. He said he thought that Central's mission was important and that the church needed to be inclusive of all people. He promised to forward our packet of information to Bishop Ammons and to inform him of our upcoming meeting. We asked him what he thought and he smiled and said, "Central has to do what is important to advance Central's mission. Just as I have to be district superintendent for the entire district, and Bishop Ammons has to be bishop of all Methodists in the Conference. We all have our missions. I think your meeting is important, and I hope it's a success." Not a bad response for all the concern that was felt before the meeting. And while the response was very diplomatic, we were also pleased that his comments were positive. Oh, and did I forget to mention that he picked up the lunch check? Maybe that's the best indication of how he felt! 0 Chuck Larkins is a Lay member of the AnnuaL Conference from CentraL UMC, a ReconciLing Congregation in ToLedo, OH. He is Supervisor of ELections for Lucas County,OH. RECONCILIATION IN ACTION A DS Ministries In The Loco Church By Richard Schlosser Albany United Methodist Church is in a community nestled in a corner of Berkeley up against the San Francisco Bay. We have not always been active in social issues. Like many churches, Albany has fluctuated over the years from conservatism to mild liberalism depending on the leadership of the pastor and laity at the time. Increasingly, however, we have come to see the need to establish our own identity and priorities as a congregation. In a few years, we have grown to the place where we have an active peace and justice committee; regularly hold classes, discussions, public forums, potlucks, and programs on a variety of justice issues; have become a Reconciling Congregation; and maintain our feeling of "family." We deeply care about and for one another, even when we disagree. Our congregation has become increasingly influential in our conference and area regarding AIDS ministries due primarily to the leadership and activism of our pastor, the Reverend Virginia Hilton, and many of the members of our church and its staff, who have made these ministries priorities. We have been able to respond to the AIDS crisis in ways that we feel may be very helpful to other "smaller" churches that do not have the resources to open a hospice or a counseling center or other ministries that get the most pUblicity. We have developed a two-pronged approach that includes (1) a carefully selected limited number of one-time projects and events for our own local church and (2) encouraging "family" members to offer their talents and time to community and interfaith organizations that are carrying out AIDS ministries in ways we never could by ourselves. The response to both aspects of our approach has been more than we ever could have hoped for. Here's some of what we have done in these two areas. Our first involvement in AIDS ministry came when California faced the Lyndon LaRouche-sponsored Proposition 64, which called for largescale AIDS testing and quarantining of those testing positive with the HIV virus. We were instrumental in encouraging our Conference Council on Ministries to establish a task force to work for the defeat of Proposition 64, the first time such a task force had ever been created. The task force was envisioned and chaired by an Albany UMC member, and half the task force was made up of Albany members. In addition, we sponsored several events to educate our members and community about AIDS: what it is, how it is contracted, how best to deal with the spread of the virus, and the ethical and civil rights issues involved. The culmination was a community "public forum." Our church made four quilt squares for the Names Project quiltthe huge quilt made in memory of those who have died of AIDS. Our squares were made by 17 members of the congregation, including some members no one ever believed would give up a Saturday for such a cause. The organizers said we were one of very few mainline churches who participated. Albany UMC sent five people, including our pastor and her spotise, Dr. Bruce Hilton, who led two of the workshops, to the National AIDS Consultation in Millbrae, California. That consultation was sponsored by the United Methodist Church and held in the fall of 1987. Following up on the consultation, we continue to work closely with the California-Nevada Annual Conference AIDS Working Group to facilitate and empower AIDS ministries in the churches of our conference. We are active in the AIDS Interfaith Network of the East Bay and regularly participate in its activities and provide leadership for their healing services. And we regularly deal with AIDS and related issues in our classes and worship services, including regular prayer for, by, and with people who are affected by the AIDS crisis. We believe this crisis affects all of us regardless of whether or not we carry the virus. By far, most of our AIDS ministries are carried out by individuals with the blessing of the congregation. Our pastor has given time and energy to more AIDS ministries than there is room to list. In addition to providing the nurturing leadership that allows us to discover our own AIDS ministries in the local church and community, she has planned and led healing services. Bruce Hilton has participated in the World Council of Churches World Consultation on AIDS in Geneva, led workshops on AIDS and homophobia around the conference and country, written columns on AIDS, and taught classes in our church. A number of other members have received training in AIDS ministries; worked with local, state, and national groups; volunteered in counseling, hospice, and hospital ministries; supported each other; provided home health care visits; taught, Open Hands 11 R ECO N CI LIATION IN Ac T IO N written, and campaigned for civil rights and justice for persons with AIDS, their families, and their lovers. The AIDS ministries in which our church family engages go far beyond what one would expect from a church with our limited numbers and finances. But we are discovering ways to carryon AIDS ministries that work for us. The greatest ministry our congregation has is our caring acceptance for each person who comes through our doors regardless of politics or sexual orientation or any of the "isms" so often used to marginalize children of God. We believe that we have been blessed. We strive to live up to our call. D R ichard Schlosser is a clergy member of the West Ohio Conference presently residing in the San Francisco Bay area, where he is a housespouse and takes care of 1 year old Elizabeth. In his spare time he serves as Minister of Music for Albany UMC Becoming a Reconci ing Conference By Sandy York During a break in the United Methodist Consultation on AIDS Ministries in November 1987, a stranger asked me how I was chosen to be a participant in this particular consultation. I told him my official role in the California-Nevada Annual Conference as chair of the Conference Council on Ministries (CCOM) Reconciling Conference Committee had won me that honor. He responded, "What is a Reconciling Conference?" After a short explanation, his next questions were even more challenging: "How did this happen? Does this mean that all the churches in your conference are Reconciling Churches?" "Unfortunately not. But we are working on it." I replied. This brief episode gave me pause to realize that becoming a Reconciling Conference is not easy; it did not happen overnight. The journey began many years ago when a member of our conference was being overlooked for a major leadership role solely because she was an "out" lesbian. This was the first indication for many that our conference was not inclusive and angered those who felt that this reality was not in line with the teach12 Open Hands ings of Jesus. The Conference Nominating Committee was flooded with responses, and ultimately the woman was nominated to the position and served superbly, as we had all expected! At the following Annual Conference session, the Conference Commission on the Status and Role of Women and the Executive Committee of the Conference United Methodist Women presented a joint resolution asking for a Task Force on Homophobia. This task force was assigned to develop a three year plan to study homophobia and conduct model workshops in each district with the hope that those attending would then study the issues in their own local churches. In 1983, the task force worked on passage of a resolution recommending legislation that would include lesbians and gay men at every level in the life of the church. This resolution passed, which laid the groundwork for the Reconciling Conference idea. The climax of the work of the Task Force was to recommend to the Annual Conference session in 1983 that the task force be dissolved and that there be a duly authorized Committee on Homophobia within the scope of the Council on Ministries. This committee would continue working on monitoring homophobia and educating the conference on related issues. With this encouragement, and the hope that finally all persons were considered important in all of church life-and that indeed our conference was serious about becoming an inclusive conference-many lesbians and gay men within our conference bounds "came out." Affirmation groups have evolved, and a number of local churches began studying how to become Reconciling Congregations. We now have seven Reconciling Congregations within our conference, and several other local churches are studying the process. A great deal of pain and heartache has gone into the struggle to make this conference totally inclusive. Generous portions of "see it through" attitude have been necessary. The committee established consultations on homophobia for ministry staff and for executive committees of all the conference boards and agencies with suggestions that follow-up sessions be conducted within the boards, agencies, and districts. The most recent step was to work with Bethany United Methodist Church, a Reconciling Congregation in San Francisco. At the 1987 session of the California-Nevada Annual Conference, together we sponsored legislation making our conference a Reconciling Conference and encouraging all local churches to study the possibility of becoming Reconciling Congregations. The CCOM Committee on HomoRECONCILIATI ON IN Ac T ION phobia lobbied for action by wntmg to "friends" and encouraging their support for this legislation. We sent representatives to the pre-Annual Conference meetings of the districts and of the Methodist Federation for Social Action. We were striving to increase understanding of Jesus' teachings that we are to be good neighbors to all persons regardless of their identity. The resolution passed and, on the recommendation of the Conference Council on Ministries, the Committee on Homophobia became the CCOM Reconciling Conference Committee. As one member of our committee put it: "When I think about the meaning of a Reconciling Conference, I think of a mother and her love for all her children, and how she embraces them all." (Lupita Diaz) She went on to say, " ... however, I feel that this love has a deeper base.... 1 think God ... sent Jesus ... for us to see what love really is all about. . .. Love is sacrifice, acceptance, and joy, and to me that is the base of a Reconciling Conference. " We continue to hope that this conference will truly be totally inclusive and will live up to the meaning of its designation as a Reconciling Conference. Recently a lesbian was elected to the Conference Council on Ministries. These beginning steps let the world out there know that we mean what we say-we affirm the full participation of all persons regardless of sexual identity in the life of their congregation and in the life of this annual conference! 0 Sandy York, from San Jose, CA, is former chair of the Reconciling Conference Committee and currently vice-chair of the Board of Church and Society in the California/Nevada Annual Conference. Reconciling Conferences California-Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy (eastern New York state and Vermont) Representative Ministries of Reconci I ing Congregations Community food pantry Providing clothing for women's Senior citizens, housing project shelter Drop-in center for street people Sponsoring refugee families Gay/lesbian youth group Unemployment action center Movement for justice in South Involvement in peace movement Africa Central American organizing Sanctuary Congregation project Neighborhood children's Providing space for a variety of programs before/after school groups including: Affirmation, Ministry with persons living with Metropolitan Community AIDS and their families Church, Divorced Ministry with chronically mentally ill Anonymous, Women's Chorus, Involvement in farmworkers' issues AA, English as a Second Support for and cooperation Language Classes, Gay / with Black, Hispanic, and/or Lesbian Community Center, Korean congregations Ministry of Criminal Justice, etc. University UMC The Church in Ocean Park Reconciling c/o Steven Webster c/o Judy Abdo 1127 University Avenue 235 Hill Street Congregations Madison. WI 53715 Santa Monica. CA 90405 Metropolitan-Duane UMC Wesley UMC Wesley UMC c/o Takayuki Ishii c/o Tim Tennant-Jayne c/o Patty Orlando 201 W. 13th Street Marquette at Grant Streets 1343 E. Barstow Avenue New York. NY 10011 Minneapolis. MN 55403 Fresno. CA 93710 Washington Square UMC University UMC Bethany UMC c/o Marty Morrison c/o Dave Schmidt c/o Rick Grube 135 W. 4th Street 633 W. Locust 1268 Sanchez Street New York. NY 10012 DeKalb.IL 60115 San Francisco. CA 94114 Park Slope UMC Wheadon UMC CalvaryUMC c/o Beth Bentley c/o Carol Larson c/o Jerry Brown 6th Avenue & 8th Street 2212 Ridge Avenue 1400 Judah Street Brooklyn. NY 11215 Evanston. IL 60201 San Francisco. CA 94122 Calvary UMC Albany Park UMC TrinltyUMC c/o Chip Coffman c/o Ted Luis. Sr. c/o Arron Auger 815 S. 48th Street 3100 W. Wilson Avenue 152 Church Street Philadelphia. PA 19143 Chicago. IL 60625 San Francisco. CA 94122 Dumbarton UMC Irving Park UMC TrinltyUMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook c/o David Foster c/o Elli Norris 3133 Dumbarton Avenue. NW 3801 N. Keeler Avenue 2320 Dana Street Washington. DC 20007 Chicago. IL 60641 Berkeley. CA 94704 ChristUMC KairosUMC Albany UMC c/o Kay Moore c/o Richard Vogel c/o Jim Scurlock 4th and I Streets. SW 6015 McGee 980 Stannage Washington. DC 20024 Kansas City. MO 64113 Albany. CA 94706 St. John's UMC St. Mark's UMC Sunnyhills UMC c/o Howard Nash c/o David Schwarz c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 2705 St. Paul Street 1130 N. Rampart Street 335 Dixon Road Baltimore. MD 21218 New Orleans. LA 70116 Milpitas. CA 95035 Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC St. Paul's UMC St. Paul's UMC c/o Sally Daniel c/o George Christie c/o Dianne L. Grimard 575 Boulevard. SE 1615 Ogden Street 101 West Street Atlanta. GA 30312 Denver. CO 80218 Vacaville. CA 95688 Edgehlll UMC United University Church Wallingford UMC c/o Hoyt Hickman c/o Edgar Welty c/o Margarita Will 1502 Edgehill Avenue 817 W. 34th Street 2115 N. 42nd Street Nashville. TN 37212 Los Angeles. CA 90007 Seattle. WA 98103 Central UMC Crescent Heights UMC Capitol Hili UMC c/o Chuck Larkins c/o Walter Schlosser c/o Mary Dougherty 701 W. Central at Scottwood 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue 128 Sixteenth Street Toledo. OH 43610 W. Hollywood. CA 90046 Seattle. WA 98112 Open Hands 13 am writing this the day after we at Dumbarton [ United Methodist Church celebrated our first anniversary as a Reconciling Congregation. Some time ago, I was asked to write about my feelings as a closeted gay person who belonged to a church that had become an RC. I balked at the idea for several reasons: writing is hard work; my thoughts about being gay are still in a jumble; and my energy level has been generally low this year as I struggle through a mid-life cnSlS. But as I think about this year and a half, I do feel inspired to share some thoughts about the Reconciling Congregation Program as it has affected me, especially on the first anniversary of our vote to become an RC. I first heard the term "Reconciling Congregation" in church one Sunday morning. As I learned what this process was going to be like, I was both frightened and excited. I was frightened by the possibility that I might somehow feel compelled to come out of the closet and thereby hang a gay label (albatross!) around my neck. But I also felt surprised and energized by the idea that a number of nongay/lesbian people in my church cared enough about gay/lesbian people that they wanted to work towards freedom and justice for us, even if the journey would be a rocky road for some. I was certainly not "out" in a publicly open way in my church. In fact, our congregation had no openly lesbian/ gay members. Generally, as I got older, however, I had become less paranoid about revealing my sexual identity. During the past 15 years, I had come out to my parents, whose acceptance was intelligent and warm; to my minister, Tom Brunkow, who was wonderfully compassionate; and to assorted co-workers, coparishioners, and other nongay/lesbian friends. But the idea of being known only as a "gay person" repelled me. While I didn't want to lie about my sexual identity, I feared being prematurely and permanently lumped into a group, especially one that had so many negative connotations. So at first I just waited to see what would happen. The church had initially attracted me because it had a young intellectual minister with whom I could identify and a reputation for energetic concern about social justice. Now I watched silently as the church took on what proved to be one of the most controversial and emotional of its projects. During coffee hour after church one Sunday (early in the RC process), when the sermon had been given by a lay mem14 Open Hands ber of the congregation who linked the struggle of lesbians and gay men to that of blacks, for civil rights, I found myself opening up to one of the leaders of the committee working on the RC issue. After this conversation, I began to feel called to contribute, even if indirectly and somewhat secretly, to the mission of the program. I had come to believe by this time that the issue was a civil rights issue, among many other things. Also I was persuaded that the RC Program was important for the children in our church: some of them might be gay/lesbian and might otherwise grow up with negative feelings about gayness (as I had), unless they were part of an RC church that offered understanding and positive role models. I was sure such a church would have been helpful to me as I struggled as a child with my secret-later opening up only to other gay/lesbian people and psychotherapists. During my years at Dumbarton, my main contribution had been through music-playing the piano for the service once a month. This was a special joy for me, since it provided a chance to share with others music I loved, as well as some complex part of my personality that could never be expressed in words. In some ways, expressing myself musically was safe-a way to be known emotionally and intellectually without the danger of words. But now that this RC issue was at hand, I began to realize I could also open up to other people in words. I spoke quietly, privately, at first-with members of the Reconciling Congregation committee whom I knew to be sympathetic. Somewhat later, in an adult Sunday school class, I came out to some others. After we had watched a film ["On Being Gay," by Brian McNaught] that dealt with the pain nearly all lesbian/ gay people go through as they realize they are outsiders, I commented that the emotion McNaught talked about rang true for me-hesitantly, but consciously, revealing to those that were listening that I was one of those people. It was a first step towards being known. (And the sky had not fallen on my head!) Another step towards telling my congregation of my sympathies with the RC program without proclaiming my gayness from the rooftop was telling children's stories (part of our regular worship service). In one-Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer-my point in the story was to remind everyone that simply because Rudolph was different, "all of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names." This was a plight at least some of the adults in the congregation would know to be sadly true of adolescents for whom "queer" and "faggot" have become more common than the ugly racial epithets of yesterday. Another regular element in our service is a time for sharing joys and concern. During one of these periods, I spoke to ask for prayers for a friend, Sam, who was suffering from AIDS. Visiting this man in the hospital over a six-week period was a deeply moving time for me. It was a coincidence that my involvement with an AIDS patient was occurring during our church's struggle with the RC issue, but it profoundly strengthened my commitment to the program. Bringing to the congregation the life/death struggle of a gay man made an issue that had been abstract, now personal, touching, moving. My own hesitancy about being more open in our church seemed trivial in this context. People who were still unsure about how they felt about the RC program came to me expressing warmth and empathetic concern about my friend. People are mainly good, I decided. When they embrace narrow and prejudiced positions, maybe it's because they are confused by past teachings and limited perspectives, their own fears, and too many abstractions. Sam was not an "issue"; he was Roger's friend, a desperately sick person, whose death later that spring would be felt by our church almost as if he had been one of our own. During my visits with Sam, my feelings about the RC program became more intense. I reasoned that many AIDS patients were men who had never been able to come out to their families and friends-and certainly not to their churches. Their self-esteem had been undermined from their earliest sexual awakening by society and churches that don't understand the origins of homosexuality, and therefore fear and shun gay men and lesbians. The consequences of this kind of environment had luckily been relatively mild for me; for Sam and so many others, this environment had contributed to tragedy. As the time for the congregation's vote on becoming an RC came closer, I knew some still felt uncomfortable about the issue. Homosexuality seemed wrong to them. I wanted to listen to them, to tell them that I felt the same way much of the time, because that's the message society had given us out of superstition and fear. I didn't talk to them: I still feared their rejection. But I did tell another children's story. I brought stick-on name tags and magic markers. The children and I wrote our names and stuck them on our clothes. "This," I said, "is the reason for labels-so we can learn each other's names." And then I wrote the word 'stupid' on a blank label and stuck it over my name tag. "Sometimes I feel stupid and I stick this label over my name. See how hard it is to get it off?" I tried to separate the two labels. "That's what happens when we label ourselves and other people with words other than their names. We coverup the names with words like 'fat' or 'homeless' or 'enemy' or even 'little kid'. Yes, if I don't know your name, I just think of you as a little kid. And if you don't know my name, you think of me as that man with a beard." These stories were really stories I was telling myself as well as the children and the congregation. I wanted to be accepted for myself. So now it's a year later. The vote a year ago had been unanimous in favor of joining the Reconciling Congregation Program. I wish I could say that I exuberantly jumped in to further the cause. I didn't. Having come part of the way out of the closet, I now was ready to go back in for a while. And 1987 had some losses that depressed me: Tom, our minister, left to be pastor at another church; and two friends, including Sam, died of AIDS. I felt lethargic about my work; it seemed time for a change, but I lacked the energy. I was generally tired. But yesterday's celebratory service was a wonderful boost. I had approached this day nervously. I was again to give the children's story and had agonized over it all week. In the story I finally decided to tell, I began by talking about left-handedness as a minority trait that had been thought of as "wrong" and needing to be changed. Then I told of the time when I was a little boy and broke my right wristforcing me to be left-handed for a while. This accident had its benefits, I had thought: "I won't have to practice the piano." But I was wrong. My teacher insisted that I use the time to work on my left hand-to strengthen it. This involved learning pieces for the left hand alone, and I gained not only increased strength, but an appreciation for the melodies often covered up when we listen to the more prominent melodies in the right hand. Then I illustrated the story with part of a piano piece. The children gathered around the piano as I played the right hand alone, then the left hand alone. "Now listen to the magic when we put them both together!" I said. I myself felt moved as the world of music showed the magic of harmony when the right hand and the left get it together-each note, like each person-important, beautiful. Making God's music together, I thought, is what reconciliation is all about: left-handed people and right-handed people, rich and poor, young and old, men and women, black and white, gay/lesbian and nongay/lesbian-joining together as a loving family. How fortunate I feel to be part of a church that reaches out to welcome the stranger. My fears of rejection were groundless. My secret is out, and as someone once said, the only thing I had to lose was my chains. That afternoon I attended a concert. Suddenly I was aware of a mysterious and warm glow. It was not simply the beauty of the music I was hearing: it also felt like a strange intimation of wholeness in myself. 0 Roger Gilkeson, 44. is an editor at the National Institutes of Health and lives in Washington, D.C. Open Hands 15 Conf ct Re 0 ution n The Loco Church C By Donald E. Bossart onflict is an inevitable component of our personal and organizational lives. Wherever there are values, needs, wants, goals, and plans, there is conflict. The church is no different from other organizations in this respect. Yet we Christians often seem to think that conflict in our churches is wrong and avoidable. In a sense, this is understandable. We believe that we have received unconditional love from the Creator and have been mandated to extend that love to others. It might be expected that this knowledge would give us the sense of acceptance that is necessary for education and change. This is not necessarily so. In fact, the church is one place where conflict might most be expected. As the firmness of belief systems and expressions on matters of faith increases, the likelihood of conflict also increases. Thus, for church members the question is not whether there will be conflict. Rather, the appropriate questions are what kind of conflict will there be, and how will it be handled? Conflict within a church or any other organization can be either destructive or constructive. A central characteristic of much destructive conflict is that it is goal-less, focusing on individual persons rather than the actual subject at hand. When this destructive tendency is coupled with an inclination to pit persons or groups against each other in a "win/lose" contest for higher righteousness or power, an organization-splitting potential results. As participants in a controversy, we can find ourselves more concerned about proving ourselves right than hearing another's perspective in mutual concern for learning and growth. We can fear that the very survival of our sense of worth depends on our being right and winning in an exchange of opinions. Destructive conflict is not always expressed with forceful voice. It can also be expressed in congregations in "silent" ways. Attendance at worship can drop gradually; church income can do the same. Communication can become minimal in official church gatherings over major issues, but be strong in small informal groups or over the telephone. Leadership positions can become hard to fill. Opinions, when voiced, can become polarized between segments of the congregation. Communication can be limited and positions hardened, with listening a forgotten art. Such congregational dissension is common today around the issue of the place of gays and lesbians in the church. Fortunately, conflict need not be so destructive. Properly approached, conflict can be productive and promote personal and group growth. Indeed, conflict can actually become a bond that unifies persons, leading to new norms rather than a polarization between persons or groups. In constructive efforts to grow from conflict, church members should always keep in mind their mutual goals in the midst of disagreement. For United Methodists experiencing conflict around lesbian and gay issues, the Social Principles of the United Methodist Church express a common goal before us: Homosexual persons no less than heterosexual persons are individuals of sacred worth who need the ministry and guidance of the church in their struggles for human fulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care of a fellowship which enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self. This statement affirms our theological unity in the proposition that God is the creator of us all. It helps us to center our commitment on the oneness of all persons under God and to remember that we are all equal recipients of God's grace. This affirmation must constantly be raised as the central unity in whatever the task in the church. It is central to resolving any conflict in the church, setting the climate for working together. It is in this caring climate that persons can best begin to address the personal fears and ambivalence that are at the heart of a conflict. This can especially be the case with a conflict so sensitive as dealing with our sexuality. The fear of homosexuality (homophobia), in particular, can be so strong and subconscious that it cannot be ameliorated without considerable care and support. 16 Open Hands As church members attempt to address conflict, we should be aware of the natural but unnecessary tendency toward the win/lose approach to a problem. There simply need not be a winner and a loser to each encounter. Instead, it is possible to resolve conflict through a "win/ win" approach. If we affirm our oneness under God, this approach should follow naturally. We are linked by a spiritual commonality in the Christian community that is basic for constructive conflict resolution. Therefore, when goals are held in common, creative growth possibilities exist for all through the conflict. Fear tends to polarize. Pressuring with any particular point of view on social issues does not create an environment for openness or listening, let alone understanding or reconciliation. The causes of conflict are usually deep-seated in our personal perceptions coming from our life experiences, our lack of good communication skills, and our natural tendency toward fulfilling our power needs in the competition of a conflict. This latter need arises out of our continuing failure to "accept the fact that we are accepted" (in the words of Paul Tillich) and our corresponding battle to win our acceptance from others. A strongly supportive atmosphere is necessary to allow for a stretching of the horizons of each person involved in a controversy. The breaking of stereotypes and preconceptions is a difficult first step toward opening up the mind and heart on any controversial issue. For instance, the controversy over the gay and lesbian place in church and society often hinges on the preconception that homosexuality is a "choice," contrary to God's will. This position has to be dealt with before much helpful discussion can follow. The hope is that all persons involved in a conflict find an opening for growth and change and are secure in the process rather than that the opposition finally capitulates to a "superior" position. Once a positive and secure climate is established, education becomes possible. Education and change only occur in an accepting climate. However, we must understand that the lesbian and gay issue is not merely a rational confrontation, but rather a highly emotional one. Both aspects must be addressed. A felt equilibrium of power and acceptance must be maintained for all to protect their personal integrity and worth along with the continuing sense of unity of organization and purpose. Sometimes, a third-party mediator is necessary and helpful in achieving this end. Persons within a congregation as well as the pastoral leadership often become too personally and emotionally involved to fulfill a mediator function. An outside mediator can help persons deal as positively as possible with a divisive issue by helping them to listen and reflect together on the range of views from factual, biblical, theological, and historical perspectives. More important, such a facilitator can help elicit the emotional/experiential fears behind negative positions. If it is needed, the congregation can then be led toward a consensus decision with which everyone can live. General plans for action can emerge out of a climate in which mutual goals are recognized and personal caring and acceptance are affirmed. Some helpful guidelines follow: 1. Keep integrative and long-range goals out in front of all actions. 2. Deal directly and constructively with differences as they develop. 3. Focus on education (from all perspectives). 4. Teach and model communication skills at all times, especially maintaining an open stance and listening. 5. Keep all parties involved in the process. 6. Foster a "win/win" consensual attitude that is redemptive, thereby allowing for change with integrity for each person. 7. Allow each involved to feel personally accepted and empowered in order to avoid defensive, insecure responses. In dealing with conflict constructively, always remember that most persons want only to be heard and understood (listened to) and do not have to be agreed with in the endeavor toward growth in community. Jesus showed us a way that worked in his ministry. He used the formula of acceptance + challenge = change. Challenge toward change does not seem to be responded to creatively or willingly unless acceptance has been experienced first. This is major precedent for those who want to facilitate growth in a conflict situation. The theoretical/theological and the practical dimensions of being inclusive in the community of faith are more easily said than done. But some understanding of the dynamics of how persons respond to conflict can be helpful. This analysis and set of guidelines may help congregations on their way toward integration of all of God's children in peace and mission. 0 Donald E. Bossart, Ph. D., is associate professor of interpersonal ministries at the Iliff School of Theology in Denver. Open Hands 17 SUSTAI N ING ~ u o ~ o ~ u -< --. ...,. .....~..~ -~-. ~:~/'" E .... -i= .9L Metaphor .52L 'l(econdfing Congregation is [ikf, a 9{gw f£ngfaruffieU. f£acfi!lear tfzefarmer haufs awa!l tfze rock$.from tfzefoJa in order to pfant. r:But after tfze ice aruf cora oftfze wintD, tfze me£ting snow reveafs more rock$ tIiat have worl(ed tIieir wag to tfze surface oftfze earth. So it is witli a 1(econdfing Congregation. f£ven wlien tfze prOCRSS has reacftd tfze point ofresolution ofdisagreements ana concerns, afarrow time wi£[ again proC£uce confBets ana confusedfeelings. r:Being a 1(econciling Congregation requires periodS ofstruggfe ana cfearing, as we[[ as pfanting arufgroWing. THE S PIRIT ((rr J or eoerytfzing tfiere is a season, and a timefor eoer!l purpose under fieaven. J J (Ecclesiastes 3: 1) P paring ... waiting ... celebrating .. . confessing ... fasting . .. feasting-the seasons of the church year reflect the many and varied movements of our spirituality. As communities offaith, the rhythms ofour life together circle around again year after year, as predictable as the seasons ofthe earth. As our faith grows and changes, the liturgical seasons take on new and wonderful meanings, representing at the same time something familiar and something fresh. What about observing a Season of Reconciliation? Although reconciliation is the work of all seasons and in some way could possibly be a part ofevery liturgical observance, much could be gained from designating a period of time in which reconciliation is consciously and deliberately a part of our life. Perhaps relationships could be deepened and community life strengthened if we took some time to allow the impact of reconciliation to settle in us and find a home. A Season ofReconciliation could be one Sunday, a couple of weeks, a summer-whatever fits congregational needs. The focus could be as broad or as specific as desired. Reconciling Congregations are justice-seeking churches; our impulses and efforts toward reconciliation include addressing issues ofracism, sexism, ethnocentrism, ageism, as well as homophobia and heterosexism. Some suggestions for observing a Season of Reconciliation are offered here, but the time can be most fruitful if church members design programs especially appropriate for their congregations. Use these ideas to spark your own creativity: • Celebrate reconcilers within the congregation-people who are "in the business" of reconciliation, such as counselors and social workers; community workers; socially conscious musicians, poets, and writers; people 18 Open Hands S U STAINING THE S PIR IT involved in prison ministry or advocacy for the homeless; or those working with people with AIDS. Beyond this, consider highlighting the reconciling work that happens in all our important relationships (with spouses, children, parents, co-workers, etc.). • Invite reflection on where reconciliation is needed in certain areas or relationships within people's lives. A good setting for this reflection might be a retreat or small group experience. Provide opportunities for individuals and the church family to express renewed commitment to reconciliation. Write your own covenants or pledges. A community pledge could be put on a poster and prominently displayed. • Make banners, paraments, or clergy stoles-or stoles for everybody picking up on the symbolism of taking up the yoke of service-using colors and symbols that express reconciliation for you. Call attention to them in the newsletter, the bulletin, and during worship. • Design a worship service using reconciliation as a theme. Include prayers of confession that highlight your community's particular needs for reconciliation; celebrate reconciliation that is already happening; collect a special offering for a local reconciliation project. • Church school classes could go through the morning newspaper together, identifying stories that point to reconciliation that is happening, as well as stories that describe situations where reconciliation is needed. • Initiate conversation among various groups within the congregation around the following questions: -What are the issues that divide our community? (church, neighborhood, city?) -What is the basic source of conflict underlying those issues? -Are there any common threads unifying all the issues? -How can our church be a reconciling presence within this community? -Does reconciliation need to happen within this church? If so, what can we do to bring it about? -What characterizes a Reconciling Congregation? • Plan a potluck meal and festival where diversity is celebrated through food, dress, culture, music, and storytelling. You may know of people in your community who represent a culture different than most of your congregation. Invite them to be your special guests and celebrate the richness of all God's children. • Conduct a Bible study on reconciliation. Some important scripture passages are Genesis 3, Matthew 5:24, Ephesians 2:12-17, Romans 5:8-11, Colossians 1:19-22, II Corinthians 5: 14-21, and passages in the Old Testament regarding the year ofjubilee, which was a time of reconciliation. Litany ofReconcifiation LEADER: PEOPLE: LEADER: PEOPLE: LEADER: PEOPLE: LEADER: PEOPLE: LEADER: PEOPLE: LEADER: PEOPLE: ALL: For everything there is a season And a time for every matter under heaven. There is a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted ... God, we pray that we will reap bountiful harvests from our planting, and that we will know when the roots have rotted and the time has come for plucking. A time to kill, and a time to heal; A time to break down, and a time to build up ... God, give us grace to know that sometimes things must die, or even be destroyed, in order for healing and restoration to come about. Help us do the necessary breaking down and building up in our own lives. A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance . .. God, we pray for wholeness and balance. Soften our hearts so that the sorrows and groanings of others might move us to tears, and lighten our spirits so that we can dance and shout for joy and laugh from our bellies when it is time to celebrate. A time to keep, and a time to cast away ... God, give us wisdom to take stock of our attitudes, values, and deeply held beliefs in light of your gospel, so that we will know what is worth keeping in our efforts to bring about your desires, and what it is time to cast away. A time to keep silence [moment of silence], and a time to speak .. . God, give us patience to be silent and still when it is time for that [pause], but also strengthen our voices and our resolve so that in the face of injustice and discrimination, we will speak as the prophets did, calling for righteousness and reconciliation. Planting, plucking, weeping, laughing, waiting, speaking, reconciling ... -for everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven. Open Hands 19 ~eare some who say that Jesus' temptation in the wilderness didn't really happen. It troubles them to think that Jesus was human enough to really be tempted. This approach robs Jesus of reality. Matthew tells us clearly (Matt. 4:1-I/): Jesus was out there in the wilderness, and he was tempted-just as the people of God had been tempted before his time, andjust as we are tempted now. God not only allowed this experience to happen; God caused it to happen. No sooner was Jesus' baptism over, then he was taken out into the desert by the same Spirit that had descended like a dove a few hours before. In the eyes of the people ofJesus' day, he was now on Satan sturf, not Gods, since they believed that Satan owned the world. People in the ancient world usually lived within walled cities. Inside the walls, there was law and order; outside the walls and between the cities, there was territory not governed by law. In Palestine the territory outside city walls was dangerous desert and wilderness. In a sense, the city walls and desert wilderness of ancient times are like our own lives. We all have walls-familiar structures that keep us safe, both as a community and as individuals. When the Spirit enters our lives, however, everything is suddenly different. We become newly aware of God s presence and call If we respond, we are taken out from our safe walls into dangerous territory, beyond everything that is familiar, safe, and predictable. Into tlie wilderness one look at us in this church on a Sunday morning, and a stranger would likely assume that we all lead normal-and fairly dull-lives. That stranger probably would conclude that we are rather typical of a small inner-city church. But that stranger might be surprised, because a few weeks ago our Administrative Council walked straight out of these safe walls and into a wilderness, taking their pastor with them. Without lengthy study, but with sensitivity and awareness, the council voted to have our church become a Reconciling Congregation. By doing this, we stated publicly that gay men and lesbians are welcome as full, participating members of our congregation, and we pledged to work for justice for all people. I first learned about the Reconciling Congregation Program in late 1985. In the following months, I had quiet conversations with some council members, in which we discussed the concept. But I did not push it-I knew it would be political suicide for me. In my heart, I believed that becoming a Reconciling Congregation was the right thing to do, but I was afraid that down the line I would be 20 Open Hands "punished," as only the bishop and Cabinet can punish! And then came our council meeting in November 1986. I had decided to play it by ear: if the meeting went well, I'd take the plunge. The meeting was interminably long, and we were tired. I'm always last on the agenda, and soon it would be my turn. I honestly did not know what would be the best thing to do. I couldn't risk a "no" vote. And, yes, at the back of my mind was my next appointment. I was scared. And then, in what I am convinced was the Spirit of God at work, when it came time for new business Nita suddenly spoke. Words came tumbling out: "Last-nightwe-were-talking-about-being-a-Reconciling-Congregation-and-I-thought -we-already-were-but -Sally-said-we 'renot-so-I-move-we-do." Doris quickly seconded. It was a wonderful moment. Laity will go where clergy fear to tread! There was some discussion; after all, not everyone knew what a Reconciling Congregation is, and some thoughtful questions were raised. But after a few minutes we agreed we were ready to vote. It was a unanimous "yes." A weight was lifted from my shoulders. I actually wept! It felt good. During the next month, Quentin drafted our statement, and after a few minor changes it was passed unanimously at the council's December meeting. We knew that we needed to inform our district superintendent. When two members of our council, Nita and Earl, and I eventually managed to get together with him, it was another wilderness. We stressed that a Reconciling Congregation is not making a statement about sexuality, but about ministry. He wasn't enthusiastic. Of course, he was hearing about the Reconciling Congregation Program for the first time. He wanted to know what this would mean to me in the conference. No doubt he was concerned about himself, too: after all, he was a brand new OS, and now he had to deal with this (in his estimation) flaming liberal pastor and the far-out congregation! When the Devil left Jesus, Matthew says, angels came to him and "helped him." I'm sure you know who my angels were in the OS's office. We know that problems may lie ahead. Some of our inactive members will learn about this in a distorted wayand you may be sure it will be distorted! Frankly, I don't know what will happen then. And you folks may be stuck with me for a while! The challenge of the Gospel is not to play it safe, not to hide in the comfort and security of old, familiar ways. We are called out. We are a pilgrim people, who must travel by the light of the Gospel through the wilderness territory that lies between the walled cities. I am glad that we are a Reconciling Congregation. If we are truly faithful to the Gospel, then one day there will be for us a heavenly walled city, and we won't ever have to be in the wilderness again. 0 S ally V. Daniel is pastor of Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Atlanta. This article is excerpted from a sermon delivered at Grant Park-Aldersgate on March 8, 1987. p p s E c I A L R E o R T CAN A LESBIAN/GAY CHURCH BE A CONTINUING REAL CHURCH? The issue at dispute has never been whether MCC meets the legal or instiTHE DIALOGUE: tutional definition of a church or fulfills the NCC's own membership requirements. In fact, in March 1982, the council's Constituent Membership MCC AND THE NATIONAL Committee voted unanimously that MCC was eligible for membership. Rather, as the Rev. Elder Nancy WilCOUNCIL OF CHURCHES son, MCC's chief ecumenical officer, A fter the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (MCC) applied to join the National Council of Churches (NCC) in 1981 , the council found itself embroiled in deep controversy. The NCC's then-president, James Armstrong, who was also a United Methodist bishop at the time, reportedly told one MCC official that her denomination's application threatened to destroy the council. Whether prompted by fear of causing a schism in the councilor by legitimate desire for a greater understanding of homosexuality, the NCC's Governing Board has repeatedly put off voting on the primarily lesbian/gay denomination's application. Such a vote was first set for May 1983, after a one-year study period. Then, in November 1982, the board decided to extend the study period to May 1984. In November 1983, the board voted to "postpone indefinitely" action on MCC's application. Instead, it appointed a steering committee to develop a process for NCC and MCC to dialogue around three issues: "Christian unity and ecclesiology,* biblical interpretation, and human sexuality." Since then, separate consultations focusing on each of these issues have * Webster's defines ecclesioLogy as "the study of church architecture and adornment." In the council's usage, however, it has the broader meaning of "what makes a church a church." By Bradley Rymph been held with representatives of MCC and NCC member denominations participating. However, only 14 of the council's 32 member denominations have participated in any of the consultations. At the November 1987 Governing Board meeting, the consultation steering committee recommended that a new committee be appointed to develop yet another process to continue NCC/ MCC dialogue. The committee also recommended that the council begin a comprehensive study on the general subject of human sexuality. In acting on those recommendations, a few board members attempted to avert any vote that would affirm the dialogue as a positive experience. Yet the recommendations passed by a large majority. And, more important, according to the Rev. Joseph Gilbert, an MCC participant, "there did not seem to be the same monolithic centers of opposition. Even when most of the delegates from one denomination [voted against the recommendations], some one or another seemed freer to break ranks." According to Rev. Gilbert, MCC participants "left exhilarated. For the first time in the Western Christian Tradition, the church had agreed that it needed more, not less, real information about human sexuality and less bombast." Of course, MCC still is not a member of the council, and when it will be remains an open question. explained during the ecclesiology consultation, the issue has been whether MCC is "a 'legitimate' church based on our primary outreach to homosexuals." At that consultation, various presenters addressed this issue. Publicly, at least, the questions were whether any religious group can have a single-issue focus and be a true church and whether MCC is concerned with only one subject-homosexuality. One of the presenters, Archie Smith, Jr., the Foster professor of pastoral psychology and counseling at Pacific School of Religion, doubted that MCC is a singleissue church: [MCC congregations] are concerned with the creation of permeabLe boundaries by weLcoming all persons. Furthermore, they are concerned with a wide variety of faith issues, including spirituaL wholeness, economic and social justice, quaLity of Life, world peace, Life and death. Rev. Wilson, as another presenter, dismissed the ecclesiology issue as "bogus and really a smokescreen." Accepting the claim that a church cannot be organized around homosexuality, she countered that MCC is not ... organized around homosexuality. The question is, is [our denomination] organized around Legitimizing a kind of behavior? Or is it a church reaching out to a kind of people? This is the crux of the issue that is mislabeled "ecclesiology." . .. Are gays and lesbians a kind of people, or only a kind of behavior? And is homosexuaLity per se unacceptabLe in a Christian context? InevitabLy, that is the question we return to. Indeed, that does seem to be the basic. question. The council members that have most vehemently opposed Open Hands 21 p s p E c I A L R E o R T MCC's application-primarily Eastern Orthodox and Protestant evangelical denominations-generally insist that homosexuality is so incompatible with Christianity that they cannot possibly view MCC as a true church. In comments both to the ecclesiology consultation and to the Governing Board, Rev. Wilson attempted to place that argument in perspective, noting that some other NCC members also welcome gay men and lesbians as members and have theological and ethical positions on homosexuality similar to MCC's. In addition, Rev. Wilson observed that diversity already exists in the NCC over a wide variety of religious issuesamong them, abortion, capital punishment, divorce, female clergy, forms and minimum ages for baptism, necessity or validity of an episcopacy. If difference of opinion is accepted on these issuessome of which involve life-and-death issues and respect for the sacramentswhy, then, does the NCC continue to refuse MCC's application for admission? HEARING ONLY ONE SIDE OF THE ISSUE Critics of the consultation steering committee have charged that "both sides" of the issues surrounding MCC and homosexuality were never presented at the consultations. According to Rev. Wilson, however, MCC participants suggested several scholars who had published articles on the "other side." NCC officials rejected everyone of those suggestions because the persons were not credible, respected authorities. In a report to the Governing Board, Rev. Wilson noted: The only pubLished witnesses we knew of were associated with the kind of right-wing fundamentalism from which the CounciL seeks to disassociate itself. What does this say? I beLieve that what is says is that ... there are not two sides to this issue. But, as with racism and sexism, there are two dynamics: the emerging truth, and the resistance to hearing it and putting it into practice. As peopLe study and learn about human sexuality, and about gay men and Lesbians, they learn difficuLt truths that the rest of the 22 Open Hands church does not want to hear, at Least at first. This is not a new story. [NCC members] are not just stuck between two equaLLy valid sides of an issue. Rather the [council] is stuck with a moral/political/spirituaL dilemma: How to keep saying "no" to its gay and Lesbian chiLdren in the face of overwhelming evidence that aLL of the resistance is BiblicaLLy, scientifically, and theoLogicaLLy unwarranted. Or, more positively, how to say yes to gay men and Lesbians when homophobia is still so much a part of our culture and tradition. CONTINUING TOWARD RECONCILIATION Why does MCC continue to dialogue with an NCC that could be viewed as hopelessly slow, stalling, afraid to take a conclusive vote? In her comments to the Governing Board, Rev. Wilson explained: First of all, we get the same things you getbeing with you sometimes makes our own journey a little less lonely. We have the opportunity to experience the wider church in the ecumenical movement, to hear the great prophetic voices of our age. To learn and to grow. We have a chance to contribute our gifts, in so far as we are welcomed, to the ecumenical movement. Also we come to witness to a miracle, that even in the midst of the AIDS crisis, God is doing wonderful things in our community. God is blessing and healing our people and our churches. God is teaching us and strengthening us. We come to you with a story of courage and hope, of goodness, of great joy, that Jesus' amazing and saving grace is ours as well! ... Sometimes we are not as patient as we wouLd like to be about our participation in the Council. It is not easy for us to sit by while the nature of our humanity, or the reaLness of our church is debated and We stay because we beLieve God has asked us to stay, and because we believe that any suffering that causes us, or our people, is redemptive suffering . ... We also dare to believe that to know us is to love us; to love us is to include us; and that ultimately the Council must face that or forsake its own values. 0 More information on MCC's application to the NCC can be obtained by writing the Rev. Sandra Robinson, Department of Ecumenical Witness and Ministry, Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, P.O Box 5757, Dayton, OH 45405. NATIONAL GATHERINGS S everal nationallesbianlgay religious groups hoLd national gatherings during the summer and early faLL. These events provide opportunities for community building. spiritual reflection, and worship for lesbians and gay men and their famiLies and friends. Here are the events we 've received notice of and how to get more information. May 20-22, 1988, in Washington, DC. "Conference on Homophobia Education" sponsored by coalition of religious and other organizations. Participation li mited. Contact: Campaign to End Homophobia, P.o. Box 819, Cambridge, MA 02139. May 21-25, 1988. in Arlington, Texas. "Gathering of Christians" sponsored by the National Council of Churches. A visible lesbian/gay presence is being coordinated by the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches. Contact: Rev. Joseph Gilbert. P.O. Box 8174, Philadelphia, PA 19101. June 7-15, 1988, in St. Louis. Annual gathering of Presbyterians for Lesbians and Gay Concerns coinciding with the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). Contact: James Anderson, P.o. Box 38, New Brunswick, NJ 08903. July 6-10, 1988, in Colorado Springs, Colorado. 8th national gathering of the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Contact: Susan Echo, 2358 S. University, #10, Denver, CO 80210. July 21-24, 1988, in Toronto, Canada. 6th 'biannual international assembly of Lutherans ConcernedI North America. Contact: LCI NA, P.o. Box 10461, Fort Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL 60610. September 16-18, 1988, in San Francisco. Semiannual national gathering of Affirmation: United Methodists for LesbianlGay Concerns. Contact: Affirmation, P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204. Bradley Rymph is co-editor of Open Hands and a member of the Coordinating Committee of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/ Gav Concerns. He is a member of Christ UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington. D.C. RESOURCES BOOK REVIEW Living in Sin? By John Shelby Spong San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988 (scheduled for May release) Most people who read Living in Sin? will have a strong reaction to it. The book is designed to make "people change their opinions and grow" by forcing them "in debate to defend their prejudices." The author hopes this volume will help move the church toward "an appropriate response" to what he describes as "changing patterns of family life and human sexuality." This emerging reality is that many, perhaps most, church folkswithin and outside the church-are ignoring the traditional teaching "that genital sexual activity is neither appropriate nor moral except inside the bond of marriage." Like it or not, he argues, There can and will be no return to the values and virtues of that patriarchal age in which what most people define as "traditional" moral norms were developed. More and more we will witness the expansion of that gray area bounded by promiscuity on the one side and sex onLy inside marriage on the other. Most peopLe will Live inside this area of reLativity, of uncertainty, of various LeveLs of commitment and various kinds of sexuaL practices. It wiLL be in the gray area that new vaLues will need to be formulated. Author Spong, who is bishop of the Episcopal Diocese of Newark, holds that the church has much to contribute toward the formulation of new values. Far from being an enemy of this enterprise, the Bible is a significant ally when it is freed of the idolatrous literalism that has supported the "status quo"-that keeps people enslaved, women in their place, and gay men and lesbians in the closet. The strongest and by far the longest portion of the book is the chapter entitled "The Case Against Literalism." The author looks carefully at the biblical attitudes toward women and toward homosexuality. These analyses distinguish between divine truth and the culturally conditioned worldview of the writers. Uniformly, Spong rejects those worldviews and tries to identify the "spirit beneath the letter that brings the Bible forward in time with integrity" and to make it a "source of life" and "a guide in the area of sexual ethics." On this basis Bishop Spong sets aside traditional teachings and develops a series of "new proposals" to affirm non marital arenas for loving sexual expression, including gay and lesbian relationships and committed but not necessarily permanent relationships between heterosexual couples, as well as "Holy Sex" for mature "post-married singles." He encourages the use of a rite for acknowledging and "blessing" the pain of divorce. At the same time he acknowledges marriage as the ideal for most and freely chosen celibacy as an important option for a few. As a final proposal, he encourages the election of more women bishops to symbolize that the church has finally moved beyond its patriarchal heritage. This broad-brush look at the range of issues of human sexual expression is exactly the right context to discuss gay and lesbian relationships. Authors such as John Boswell, James Nelson and Robin Scroggs have already broken most of the biblical and theological ground covered in this little book. However, Living in Sin? is brief enough and nontechnical enough to be used as a discussion guide for an adult or older youth group. Such usage would only be effective with a group open to new understandings. The bishop's approach to scripture is anathema to literalists and fundamentalists, who are unlikely to be convinced by his argument. The main weakness of Living in Sin? occurs when the author makes an ill-advised attempt to demonstrate the neurobiological basis of sexual orientation. The section weakens his argument by implying that this is the primary basis for a more open approach to persons with a same-sex orientation. Furthermore, Spong evidently does not understand or appreciate the difference between sexual orientation on one hand and gender identity and gender role on the other. Despite this unfortunate distraction, Living in Sin? addresses the churches' current debate on sexuality in a useful and articulate way. It is a welcome addition to the growing list of resources. Reviewed by Morris Floyd, co-spokesperson of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. BULLETIN-After we began production on this issue of Open Hands, the Abingdon Press Division of the United Methodist Publishing House unexpectedly announced that it was cancelling its contract to publish tlving in Sin? by Bishop John Spong. This story was filed by John Hannay. a consuhant in Bahimore. Maryland. and occasional contributor to Open Hands. UMC PUBLISHERS CANCEL BOOK (April 18) Earlier this spring, Abingdon Press released an excerpt from Living in Sin? by Episcopal bishop John Spong in Circuit Rider magazine, a publication for United Methodist clergy. In that excerpt, Spong called for careful consideration of rites of betrothal for unmarried heterosexual couples living together "in contexts in which lifetime vows are neither expected nor required." The excerpt contained no discussion of lesbian/ gay issues. The excerpt set off, however, a firestorm of reaction from the Circuit Rider's more conservative readers. According to Martha Pilcher, manager of communications for the Publishing House, "we were deluged with phone calls and letters criticizing us for publishing Bishop Spong's point of view and asking us to publish only material which was consistent with official United Methodist statements." It was following that reaction and in anticipation of the UMC General Conference meeting April 26-May 6, that Publishing House president Robert Feaster, after consultation with the executive committee of the house's board, decided to cancel publication of the book. "The emotionally charged atmosphere which has intensified in recent weeks," said Feaster, "makes difficult the Publishing House's fulfillment of its primary mission to publish materials which encourage thoughtful discussion and understanding of issues confronting Christian people. We believe that the General Conference and other groups within the life of the UMC will be best served by a moderating climate that promotes careful, prayerful, and reconciling discussion of these matters. While the Publishing House planned to publish Living in Sin? to encourage that debate, it has been determined that the church's publisher could appear to be aggravating fierce controversy rather than helping to find solutions." Abingdon's decision to cancel has been viewed as highly unusual because they invited Spong to write the book. According to spokeswoman Pilcher, the decision by Feaster came after a great deal of deliberation. "We are well aware that our mission is to encourage thoughtful discussion among a diverse customer group. We do not have to publish only official denominational statements to accomplish this, although we try to make those views known. This time the climate of fear, hysteria, and misunderstanding in the church around these issues was just so great that we had no other choice. It was disappointing to us all." Another source in the Publishing House, Open Hands 23 RESOURCES who asked not to be named, confirmed a climate of fear that arose close to the time of the book's scheduled publication. "At first everyone was very excited about the book. It was feIt that it would be a positive step forward. But then, everybody became really fearful and anxious. I think it was because of some heavy criticism from a relatively small, but highly organized, faction which is trying to keep anything but the official church line from being circulated within the denomination." The source also cited two other recent incidents as contributing to the climate of fear within the Publishing House. One was the anticipated release of another book by former United Methodist Reporter staffperson Roy Howard Beck, entitled On Thin /ceo That book heavily criticizes UMC general agencies for being "out of touch" with the church. Beck also writes of a series of conversations he had with unnamed general board and agency sources in which allegations were made about large numbers of homosexual staffpersons in UMC agencies in New York. "That really scared a lot of people," said the Publishing House source, "not because it's necessarily true, but because it could be distorted to compromise the integrity of a lot of what the general agencies are doing. This led to a sort-of unannounced policy at the Publishing House of trying to keep the homosexual issue as invisible as possible when it comes to agency activities." The second contributing factor was a series of police raids in the Nashville area (where the Publishing House is based) on a child sex ring. "A number of persons picked up in the raids, but not all of them, were homosexual," said the source. "It included a prominent staffer for the Southern Baptist Sunday School Board [also based in Nashville], who later committed suicide. That whole set of events was widely covered in the local media, frequently sensationalized, and contributed to an overall climate of hysteria when it came to sexuality issues." Since Abingdon's decision to cancel, Harper and Row has decided to publish the book, with a release date of May 15. In the announcement that it was picking up the book, Harper and Row said it was "very pleased to be the unexpected publisher of this bold, important, and constructive book." In a prepared statement, Bishop Spong said, "It is a sad experience to observe the fear of sexuality that is so rampant in some Christian circles." "There is no doubt, whatever the opposition, that issues of sexuality will be debated both in our society and within the Church," Spong continued. "Moralistic repression is not going to terminate the discussion. The 24 Open Hands hierarchy, whether it is Roman Catholic, Methodist, or Episcopal, cannot end the questioning and debating .... The truth shall be determined by dialogue, not by censors." "We need to face the reality that we are living during a period of major transformation in all areas of sexuality . .. . The Church must participate in discussions [about thisl as something other than close-minded voices from another era. If some Christian leaders cannot do this, then all churches will discover that ignorance, no matter how sanctified with pious words, is still ignorance and the voice of the Christian Church will be ignored as irrelevant." 0 STUDy/MINISTRY RESOURCES T here are many resources availabLe for deveLoping reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men in your local church. The ones provided here are produced by denominational groups and are probably not avaiLable in a bookstore. A Call For Dialog: Gay and Lesbian Christians and the Ministry of the Church. Lutherans Concerned/NA, 1985. Produced by Task Force on Theology of LC/NA as a basis for theological/biblical reflection on ministries with lesbians and gay men. 12 pages. Order for $1.50 from LC/NA, P.O. Box 10461, Fort Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL 60610. A Guide for Pastoral Care in Matters Concerning Homosexuality. Division of Parish Services of the former Lutheran Church in America, 1987. Written by Harold C. Skillrud and Richard L. Schaper, pastors of Lutheran Church of the Redeemer in Atlanta. Provides caring perspective and concrete suggestions for pastoral and congregational ministries with lesbians and gay men. 23 pages. Order for $3.50 from Order Secretary, Division for Parish Services, 2900 Queen Lane, Philadelphia, PA 19129. Bibliography: The Church and Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Presbyterians for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns, 1987. Annotated bibliography covering: general lesbian/gay concerns; lesbians/gay men and the church; biblical/theological studies; psychological/sociological studies; youth and families; civil rights; pastoral care; AIDS and health issues. 18 pages. Order for $2.00 from PLGC, P.o. Box 38, New Brunswick, NJ 08903. Breaking the Silence, Overcoming the Fear: Homophobia Education. New York: Presbyterian Church eu.S.A.), 1985. Background articles on homophobia and theological/biblical perspectives with several models for homophobia education. Includes a bibliography. 71 pages. Order for $3.50 from Church Education Services, Room 1101, 475 Riverside Drive, New York, NY 10115. How to Become a Reconciling Congregation. Reconciling Congregation Program, 1987. Paper outlining process and steps guiding a local church to affirm its ministry with lesbians and gay men. 4 pages. Order at no cost from RCP, P.o. Box 24213, Nashville, TN 37202. Resources for Ministry with Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Persons. United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, 1987 ed. A packet of information on "Open and Affirming" ministries, homophobia, issues for families and friends of lesbians and gay men. Order for $7.50 from UCC/LGC, 18 N. College Street, Athens, OH 45701. Thinking It Through: United Methodists Look at the Church and Homosexuality. Methodist Federation for Social Action, 1987. Collection of reprinted articles from many sources covering: forming a reconciling attitude, ordering our theology of ministry, developing AIDS ministries, and resources for reconciling ministries. Order for $8.00 from MFSA, 76 Clinton Avenue, Staten Island, NY 10301. Where Do We Go From Here? Massachusetts Conference of the United Church of Christ, 1987. Six-week study course developed to lead to affirmation of local church ministries with lesbians and gay men. Order for $5.00 from MACUCC, c/o Ann B. Day, 75 Pilgrim Drive, Holden, MA 01520. Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 3 No 4 - Building Reconciling Ministries https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/ff3fa6cc4701de00abe936762fb2b411.pdf 381068352f42c5f88f6c8d53488b3e3e Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 4 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1988 Publication Date The date the issue was published Summer Text Any textual data included in the document l '1s your heart true to my heart as mine lS. to yours . ? ... 11if'tt Summer 1988 Vol. 4 eNo. 1 Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program by Nancy A. Carter .............. p. 3 Plagues and People by Howard Moody ............... p. 8 AIDS: Opportunities for Ministry by Nancy A. Carter, Sally Daniel, Bill Lasher, and J. Delton Pickering .................... p. 14 Vol.4 • NO.1· Summer 1988 Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their co mmunity. In this network, Re~onciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materi al s, includ i ng Open Hands. Resource persons are available focally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling congregation~ Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Mary Gaddis Jeremy Landau Typesetting and Graphic Design Linda Coffin Leanne Poteet Other Contributors to This Issue Mike Alexander, Harold Burris, Nancy A. Carter, Sally Daniel, Bill Lasher, Lyle Loder, Paul and Ethyle Loder, Howard Moody, J. Delton Pickering, Kim Smith, Wendy Tate, Duane Wilkerson Cover photo by Judy Cayot Open Hands (formerly MMJIIa for the }ourMY) is published four times a year. Subscription is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $4 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Copyright 1988 by Affirmation : United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 Open Hands Contents T:e number of AIDS cases diagnosed in the United States now approaches , ~5,OOO. Over half of these persons have died. Major church bodies are slowly responding to this unfolding health crisis in our society. However, local churches and individuals have been active in the fight against AIDS for several years now. With this issue of Open Hands, we celebrate this work that has been faithfully and quietly undertaken and hope these stories offer suggestions to your local community. Nancy A. Carter opens this issue by looking at the AIDS crisis in the context of a familiar Gospel story in "On the Road to Emmaus" (p. 3). Howard Moody's "Plagues and People" (p. 8) offers insights into the Christian community's handling of health epidemics historically and today. In the more personal dimension we offer writings from the late Lyle Loder in "Choosing Life with Power" (p. 6) along with reflections by his parents, Paul and Ethyle Loder in "After the Phone Call" (p. 7). Wendy Tate examines the trauma that AIDS can bring upon closeted gay men in "AIDS in the Closet" (p. 24). To help portray an accurate and full picture of the AIDS epidemic, we offer a concise definition of the disease in "What Is AIDS?" (p. 5). We explore unfamiliar dimensions of the disease in "Women and AIDS: Fighting Invisibility" by M. Burrill (p. 10) and "AIDS in the Black Community: An Interview with Harold Burris" (p. 11). "AIDS: Opportunities for Ministry" (p. 14) portrays how churches and individuals have responded to local needs. These articles include: "AIDS on Retreat" by Bill Lasher, "When AIDS Comes Home To Us" by Nancy A. Carter, "Person to Person" by Sally Daniel, and "Churches Bind Together" by J. Delton Pickering. "When A Loved One Has AIDS" (p. 18) talks in clear, simple language about how we can care for a loved one with AIDS. This issue's SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT (p. 20) uses the Jewish celebration of Yom Hashoa as a framework for a liturgical response to AIDS. This was written by Jeremy Landau, a United Methodist minister who is under appointment to AIDS ministries in San Francisco and serves on the board of directors of the AIDS National Interfaith Network. We report on the United Methodist Church's Consultation on AIDS, which was held last fall, in "Following Jesus' Example" by Mike Alexander (p. 22) and "Empowering the Ministry of Reconciling Congregations" by Kim Smith and Duane Wilkerson (p. 23). In addition to RESOURCES on AIDS (p. 25), we present our usual roundup of activities in the Reconciling Congregation Program in the RCP REPORT (p. 26). NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Children and Homophobia 2 In Luke 24: 13-35, two followers of Jesus are walking home to Emmaus on Sunday, the day of Christ's resurrection. Christ appears and walks and talks with them, but they do not recognize him. They share with him their acute grief about his death. Why did not these two people recognize Jesus? They did not recognize Jesus because of their broken relationships in three areas: with Jesus himself, with women in their society, and with the scriptures. This story has something to say to the church as it walks on an Emmaus road called the AIDS crisis. Brokenness is there, and sometimes we don't recognize t~e Christ. On the Road An examination of the travelers' conversation with Jesus reveals their brokenness. First, they say that they had hoped that Jesus would be the one to redeem Israel from foreign rule, the Messiah foretold in the scriQtures. This means they had seen Jesus, they had known Jesus, but they had not understood him. Something was broken in their relationship with Jesus; they had a distorted vision of him and his mission, which limited what he was really about. Second, they tell Jesus that earlier that day some women had told them that Jesus had risen, but they did not believe the women. Later in the chapter, we learn that the apostles and the others believe one man, Peter, when he says Christ has risen. Though they have dismissed the word of at least five women, one man's word is good enough for them. Clearly their relationship with women is broken, because the women's witness is discounted; women are not considered to be full members of society. And, finally, Jesus himself chides the two people on the road to Emmaus for not believing the prophecy of the scriptures and proceeds to tell them all of the things in the scriptures about himself. He is telling the travelers that they read the scripture selectively when they hoped he would be their King , the Anointed One who would liberate Israel. Their relationship with scripture is broken. They are not listening to its whole witness. The travelers to Emmaus had their experience of the resurrection delayed because of these three broken relationships with Jesus, society, and scripture. If they had really known who Jesus was, they would have recognized him as he came near to them. If they had listened to the women that morning, they could have already been celebrating the Good News instead of grieving. If they had understood the whole testimony of the scriptures, they would have known he would rise again. How often has Jesus been walking along beside us and talking with us and we have failed to recognize him? How often have we had delayed experiences of Christ's resurrection experiences of joy, or hope, or celebration -because of our broken relationships? In the spring of 1983, my friend Charles, the treasurer of Washington Square United Methodist Church, where I was a member, was diagnosed with AIDS. My journey and that of other Christians involved with AIDS work has been a journey on the Emmaus road, a road full of grief and brokenness. But Christ is walking that road with us and talking to us and teaching us, even if we do not recognize him, and resurrection and new life is present, even if we don't know it yet. When Charles was diagnosed with AIDS in 1983, I was faced with a number of decisions about our personal relationship. Researchers suspected AIDS was sexually transmitted, but they did not know for sure. Could I catch AIDS from him? Should I continue to let him come to my house each week and rent time on my word processor? Today we know how AIDS is transmitted. We know that it cannot be spread through everyday casual contact such as shaking hands, hugging, working together, or eating together. But in 1983 we did not know how AIDS was transmitted. And, I wondered, how would I respond to him? to Emmaus I was scared. I was scared because I did not understand about AIDS and because a 33-year-old man was dying. I was just one year older than he was; people our age are too young to die. I had to deal with more than my fear of AIDS -I had to deal with my fear of death. AIDS confronts us with our mortality. What would I say to Charles? Part of my decision was fatalistic. I decided that if AIDS were casually transmitted, I already had it, so Charles continued to come to my home and use my word processor. But the other part of my decision was based on my view of the church and its purpose. Charles was an active member of my church community. It was inconsistent with my theology of the church and of ministry to separate myself from him in his time of crisis. The church is to be a caring, healing community. I invited him over for lunch, something I had never done before, and I did not throwaway the plate and flatware he used. Then I went one step further. I knew that Charles was interested in healing and prayer and meditation. I asked him if he would like me to do healing work with him. He said, "Yes." By Nancy A. Carter Open Hands 3 The first time I visited Charles, I asked him ifhe could think of a healing image to focus upon, one he could use to counteract his cancer. He had been diagnosed with Kaposi's sarcoma, a skin cancer that is often associated with AIDS. For some people, visualization of healing imagery in conjunction with medical treatment has helped cancer go into remission. But he could not think of an image. Then I explained therapeutic touch, a type of laying on of hands that I would use on him. I told him that many people often experience a wann tingling sensation , especially in the area where my hands were. Charles did not experience physical feelings of wannth when I worked on him. Instead, unusually vivid, colorful imagery came to him in the fonn of a windmill. Windmills were common to his native state of Texas. He said the windmill which appeared to him was standing on parched land, but the wind was blowing and the windmill was drawing up water from beneath the earth and was nourishing the dry land. I told him the windmill was his healing image. After I left, Charles and his partner David went out to the store and bought tinker toys and built a windmill , which they set up and kept in their living room. Most every time I worked with Charles , the image of the windmill appeared to him . One time, Charles said that he felt as if he were the base of the windmill and I were the blades that were turning. Once when I visited Charles, his feet were bruised and colored blue from injections that had been given to him. He was in pain and could barely walk to the bathroom because his feet hurt so much. That day, when I did therapeutic touch on his feet, he exclaimed, "I can feel heat! Now I know what you were talking about." A few days later, I received a letter from David thanking me for the visit. He wrote that, after I had worked on Charles, the pain had gone away enough that he had been able to walk out to catch a cab for the hospital. One day in October 1983, Charles began to cough. His sister rushed him to the hospital. He had the dreaded pneumocystis pneumonia that strikes so many people with AIDS. They expected him to die that night, but the doctors caught the pneumonia in time to arrest it. But that was the night I said good-bye to him. As I thought of him, I remembered the windmill. And I heard the strong rushing of wind . Once a person asked me , when he heard that I had done laying on of hands on someone with AIDS, if the man was still alive. I said, "No , but he was healed." He died on December 26, 1983. The focus of my work with Charles was never on preventing his death but on his healing. The windmill was a symbol of his healing. The wind that helped the windmill bring up the healing water was the Holy Spirit, the wind of God. Charles suffered with AIDS, but he did not suffer the way that some do. He had love, and he had.eourage that sustained him. Christ was walking with him. Charles reached out to friends, and friends reached out to him. Of course, some friends abandoned him, but he had a strong supportive community, much of which was based in the church. When he died, his partner was at his side. In February 1987, I visited St. Peter's Lutheran Church in Manhattan, which has a free supper for persons with AIDS and others who wish to come on Tuesday night. That night, over 100 people were at the dinner: people with AIDS, their friends, members of the church, a number of clergy, and volunteers who helped to prepare the dinner. All these people mixed with each other, so it was not obvious who had AIDS and who did not have AIDS. The food was wonderful, and a person played dinner music on the grand piano. But what was most impressive Open Hands was that the dinner was served on the church's best dinnerware, goblets, and silverware. There were no throwaway paper plates and plastic eating ware. What a beautiful thing this church was saying to a group of people who are often shunned. We are setting out our best dishes for you. We are sitting down and eating with you. We know that some people think that you are throwaway people. D o you remember when the two travelers to Emmaus finally recognized Jesus? It was almost night, and they asked this supposed stranger to stay overnight with them. "When he was at table with them, he took the bread and blessed, and broke, and gave it to them. And their eyes were opened and they recognized him." I believe that the reason that the two travelers recognized Jesus in the breaking of the bread is that they finally really saw him and what he was about. He was not a warrior who would defeat the Romans. But he was a reconciler come to heal society's brokenness. That meant restoring those who were outcast and devalued to their proper place at God's table, whether or not the in-crowd liked it. A society that has outcasts is a broken society; a society that devalues the witness of certain groups of people is a broken society. For Jesus ' society, societal healing meant coming to tenns with the role of women in the religious community. It was no accident that women were the first ones to receive the news of the resurrection; they were particularly chosen because they were not held in high esteem. They too had a place at God's table. Gayness was not looked on as a reason to exclude people at my church. That meant that my friend Charles felt free to share with us that he was ill and to ask us for support. And many of us did so in different ways. People often ask me where I find hope in the midst of the tragedy of the AIDS epidemic. I respond that I don't place my hope in the discovery of a vaccine or a cure, though I hope these are discovered soon. I place my hope in those who are working together now not only to stop the spread of AIDS but also to put an end to homophobia, racism, sexism, poverty -types of brokenness that keep us from recognizing the Christ. But nevertheless Christ still walks with us in love. When a group of concerned people come together to talk about AIDS, I believe Christ is in the midst of us. And when I sit down to the table with a friend who has AIDS at my home or at a supper for people with AIDS, I see Christ sitting there also. Nancy A. Carter, pastor ofEpworth UM Parish in Woodhaven, New York, and director ofpastoral care at Brooklyn UM Church Home, is coordinator of the AIDS Education Project for Prevention, Ministry, and Action of the N ew York Annual Conference. 4 • HIV, and thereby AIDS and ARC, Otherwise unexplained swollen A cquired Immune Deficiency Syncannot be spread through casual contact. drome (AIDS) is a life-threatening glands (enlarged lymph nodes usually As the U.S. Surgeon General's report on of otherwise healthy individuals. Almost disease that damages the immune system in the neck, armpit, or groin) lasting AIDS declares, "There is no evidence of more than two weeks. all scientists agree that the disease is transmission ... of AIDS virus by every• Pink or purple flat or raised blotches day contact even [among] family members or lumps, usually painless, occurring caused by a virus, the "human immuno[ of PWAs who] shared food, towels, on or under the skin, inside the mouth, deficiency virus" or HIV. This virus pre- cups, razors, even toothbrushes, and nose, eyelids, or rectum. dominantly attacks the immune system, kissed each other." infections effectively. impairing the body's ability to fight off HIV is transmitted in specific ways: • A persistent, often dry cough, not due through sexual contact that results in thePersons with AIDS (PWAs) are susto smoking and lasting too long to be exchange of body fluids (especially semen ceptible to a wide variety of illnesses, indue to a common respiratory infection. or blood), by sharing intravenous drug cluding, most commonly, opportunistic infections such as Pneumocystis carinii paraphernalia, and by other blood-to-Persistent diarrhea. • blood contact. A pregnant or nursing coma, and neurological infections such as pneumonia, cancers such as Kaposi's sar- Shortness of breath that is new and mother with HIV in her blood can also • getting worse. transmit the virus to her unborn or new-neither new nor unique to people with toxoplasmosis. While these illnesses are born child. • Persistent white spots or unusual Physical intimacy in and of itself blemishes in the mouth or throat. AIDS, they are uncommon diseases that does not cause AIDS. Such intimacy, like able to ward off successfully when ex- most people who do not have AIDS are emotional intim~cy, is important to a per-posed to them. son's overall health. But, for expression of that intimacy to be safe as well as satisfying, it is important to know that specific risks are related to certain sexual practices. Condom use by a man during sexual intercourse is becoming recognized as one significant way to reduce the risk of HIV transmission . What Is Some other, nonsexual behavior patterns can apparently increase a per-son's likelihood of eventually developing AIDS or ARC if he or she is infected with HIV. Drugs and alcohol are thought by many researchers to be significant factors in compounding personal risk for AIDS. Not only may judgment be impaired by AI OS7 substance abuse (increasing one's chances of engaging in unsafe sexual behavior), but the immune system may be compro- The symptoms of AIDS, which may mised as well. Poor nutrition, inadequate be mild or severe, often are similar in ap• Ongoing neurological symptoms such exercise and sleep, and excessive stress pearance to symptoms of other, more as memory loss, vision disturbances, can all act to weaken a person's immune common illnesses. The difference is that and loss of coordination. system, whether or not HIV is present in with AIDS, the symptoms do not disapthe blood. pear but instead often get worse with time. More specific suggested guidelines These symptoms may also signify These symptoms include the following: for risk reduction are commonly available that a person has what is known as AIDS-related complex (ARC). This con- from AIDS-assistance organizations (see • Unexplained, increasing, ongoing "Resources," p. 25) and local publicdition seems simply to be AIDS in a less fatigue. health agencies. as severe and life threatening as AIDS. acute form, although it may sometimes be • Periodic or regular fever, shaking ARC may eventually develop into AIDS, chills, or night sweats not accomthough it is not yet known how frequently panied by a known illness and last-this occurs. ing longer than several weeks. • Weight loss that is unexplained and is greater than approximately 10 pounds in less than two months. Open Hands 5 Lyle Loder was a leader ofAffirmation: United M ethodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns -serving on its national Coordinating Committee for several years and being a driving force behind Affirmation's presence in southern California. Throughout his life, he served in various leadership and service roles in the United Methodist Church, including being a "US-2" domestic missionary for the UMC from 1974 to 1976. Lyle felt a strong call to ordained ministry, but his revelation of himselfas a gay man kept him from following that track. Lyle was diagnosed with AIDS in the fall of 1986, providing him with his final forum for ministry. He served faithfully on the steering committee for the UMC's National Consultation on AIDS Ministries. At that consultation, held in San Francisco November 12-15, 1987, Lyle movingly spoke to the participants about his life, his faith, and his illness. A few weeks later, on December 2 (two days after his 37th birthday), Lyle died. We offer here an adapted excerptfrom Lyle's speech to the consultation. This is followed by brief reflections by Lyle's parents on their experience of having a son diagnosed with AIDS. I don't care if you hear anything else, but it's a fact that life and death have been laid before us and we have to decide what we are going to do. I hope that we will all choose life, but that's up to each of us to decide. I don't care whether a person with AIDS or anyone decides to sit and vegetate and wait for death or whether they're going to be real active and have a full and abundant life as I have tried to do. The important thing is that we have to have people decide what they're going to do, and I assume that by your being here you have made some sort of decision about that. I simply found out from the doctor that I had been diagnosed. I was diagnosed with PCP [pneu- Quilt panel by Cliff Kolb and Karl Doerflinger Choosing Life with Power by Lyle Loder mocystis carinii pneumonia]. Since then, [ have made some decisions about my life. That's very important because those decisions have to do with power. [ have decided that AIDS is not the decision-making influence in my life. To be sure, I have to live within particular kinds of limits, but it is not the deciding factor for me. I have learned that I have a powerof deciding what's going to happen with me; of medical care; of being abLe to decide about what I want to do and how to live my life . And my life is full . I've got a good life . It's because of friends and of people. There are four or five people in my life right now who make all the difference. First, I have my parents. They have been absolutely wonderful in whatever way they can. We've talked about my death, and that's not easy to do, for parents to talk about the death of their youngest. They expect me to bury them and that may not be the way it works. Another significant person in my life is my lover, Rob. Rob has proven to be one of the major support people in my life. He takes care of me helps with things like laundry, doing dishes, watering the plants. I wish I could tell you how wonderful he is and the kind of care he gives me. I have other friends. One in particular is a sort of spiritual counselor for me. Dennis does a lot to keep me honest. Very frequently he'll sit down with me and say "Lyle, you're being a victim again." He kind of gets me on the straight and narrow again, and life goes on. His friendship is so powerful. He really gives me so much. 6 Open Hands .0:1=-9990.····'·····",·,···""'·"999 Friends have played an important role for me. Cards, letters, and phone calls have all been signs of caring. I have learned how significant these simple remembrances are, even when they begin with "I don't know what to say, but I want you to know I care." They have kept me from being alone. Being present is one of the most significant things you can do for anyone who has AIDS, or their families. Just to sit and talk. I have also learned a lot about my faith. My faith has been made very real to me. And I have learned what sin is about. Paul Tillich talked about alienation, being separated from who we want to be, or from God. I have learned that indeed my AIDS keeps me from being who I want to be. And I have learned about grace. I experience grace when I awaken to another day; when the telephone rings and it is a friend calling to check in on me; when someone slips a hand into mine; when I participate in the Eucharist and taste the bread and the juice; when I feel that thrill deep within me that all is well in God's world in spite of my illness. All are instances of grace, and I sense what it means to be accepted by God and to be made whole. I think that I am not afraid of death -at least I do not want to be. My hope is grounded in a faith stance best described by theologian Peggy Way, whom I recently heard paraphrased: the greatest power we have is the power to decide to whom we will give the power to define who we are. I have decided that that power will not be given over to AIDS or to death. It is reserved and given over to the God whom I serve, the God of the living, the God who calls me to life with quality and abundance until that moment when my life is surrendered with dignity and integrity to the peaceful and eternal embrace of God's love. After the Phone Call by Paul and Ethyle Loder O n that October day in 1986 when we received Lyle's phone call telling us of his diagnosis with AIDS, we were devastated. We had known for some time of our son's gay orientation and had had no problem accepting that. We had also heard and read a lot about AIDS. Yet it still seemed unbelievable that this disease could affect our own loved one. Naturally, we were grief-stricken and terrified at what this meant for Lyle. We knew that it had to be awful dealing with the possibility of one's death at such a young age (Lyle was only 35 when the call came). And through our readings we knew that AIDS could be a very painful disease. Our hearts went out to Lyle. He was always aware of our great love, concern, and support. Unfortunately, we were hindered by distance and our own physical problems. Lyle lived in the Los Angeles area, while our home is 1,400 miles away on a farm near the small town of Marquette, Kansas. In addition to wanting to do all we could to help Lyle, we knew we were going to need support ourselves. At first, we were worried that getting this support might be difficult; AIDS in one's family is not the kind of subject one finds easy to talk about in a rural, fairly conservative area like ours. We had had no contact with any families who had dealt with AIDS, nor any knowledge of any support group. Local ministers were unsympathetic . Yet, as we shared news with family, friends, relatives, and other leaders of the United Methodist congregation we've belonged to for many years, love and s.uPport were given, with few exceptions. Our church share group was especially supportive in prayer and fellowship. We also found that we were not alone in our situation. For example, only 10 miles away from us was another family whose son in Los Angeles had AIDS. Between the time of Lyle's diagnosis and his death 14 months later, Lyle made three trips home to see us. He was also planning to spend Christmas of 1987 with us. We never made it out to California after Lyle's call, but we had planned to go there in the fall of 1987. Lyle, however, wanted us to wait until the following February. Of course, our son's death was hard for us; we still grieve for our loss. But Lyle's strong faith in his God, his love for the church, his life-long concern for the oppressed and underprivileged, our knowledge that his employers' insurance made the latest medical care and treatment (which kept suffering to a minimum) available to him -all this made his early departure somewhat easier. The support we have continued to receive since Lyle's death has helped us immensely, too. At Lyle's funeral, the sanctuary in our small church building was filled to overflowing, as so many people -dear friends and family members, and people we'd never met -came to show their love for Lyle and for us. Since then, we have received many expressions of sympathy from people who were total strangers to us but whom Lyle touched at some point in his life. Lyle always had such a loving, sunny, cheerful disposition, always upbeat, confident the disease would be overcome. We know that his life truly was surrendered in dignity and integrity to the peaceful and eternal embrace of God's love. Open Hands 7 ues and People: The Church and the In the facing of this disease, pastors and chaplains will be Pia AIDS Crisis By Howard Moody brought to the painful recognition that caring is a lot more significant than curing. It is concerned ~i~\~t and expressed caring, not the promise of cure, than can bring The history of religion and distheologians and clergy argue about hope out of helplessness. Doctors ease, particularly those that have whether the HIV virus comes are having a lot harder time with been mysterious mass killers, is within God's will, we are faced this plague because there is nothnot a pretty one. When religion with trying to understand this ing they can do to cure, and for has not been claiming that "the awful plague that is wiping out the physician, being a professional plague" was God's own personal our young at an alarming rate. means being able to cure. AIDS punishment on some species or One aspect of this crisis that is a terrible threat to the medical nationality in the human race, it makes it particularly troublesome professional, and AIDS patients has been fairly certain that it was and problematic for the church is are further distanced from doctors at least God's self-expression of because there is no cure for their displeasure at some people's the fact that the most susceptible disease. wanton pleasure. people to this dreaded disease are It may be that pastors and One might hope that we those whom the church has perchaplains will need to be adwould have outgrown this exsecuted, ostracized, and read out vocates before medical personnel planation, theologically and morof the congregation of the acand institutions in the face of a ally, by the end of the 20th cenceptable. Their behavior has been disease which carries so much tury. But with the onslaught of criminalized by society. Even in misinformation and so many disAIDS, religious folk are busy at it the enlightened present, those who tortions of the truth. One cannot again proclaiming how ticked off are homosexual still bear the express loving care for the patient God really is, not just at those stigma of "deviant" and "perwithout attacking with some zeal who are sexually "deviant," but at verse." the intolerance and bigotry that those who engage in sex outside No wonder self-declared makes more painful the effects of _carefully proscribed parameters of prophets of God can see the the disease. Are we ready to God's own created sexual order of handwriting of God in the divine mediate between a dying son and things. decree of AIDS on people whose parents who cannot accept the But even for those in the life and activity is so repugnant to homosexuality of their only child church who do not share the God and God's people. The -sons who can never go home "Religious Right's" belief in a Church has an opportunity for and wish to carry their secret to vengeful God who acts out of penance in the challenge of AIDS, their grave rather than hurt their antipathy in the fonn of personal if we can only muster the courage aging parents? and social calamities, we still and compassion of our Master to Pastoral care of AIDS pahave a belief system that includes make the divine mission of mercy tients will test our integrity to the all kinds of disasters and catashigh on the agenda of priorities. hilt. It means that religious leadtrophes as part of the divine I want to suggest several tasks ers will have to deal with their pedagogy for the human race. As that I believe the church in its own genteel and unspoken homopastoral/ prophetic role may have. 8 Open Hands We must also recognize that Another example shows how phobia at the same time they are the very complexity and morbidity "politics is nothing but medicine trying to help an AIDS patient of AIDS reveals the serious limits on a large scale." In New York overcome the self-loathing that of medicine to change the course City, the minority AIDS victim comes from believing that the of the biological world. The dies on the average of 19 weeks disease is punishment for his or magic bullet theory of stopping after diagnosis, while the life her sexual orientation. It will infectious organisms is false and expectancy of a white AIDS victeach us to confess that AIDS is a misleading. Our faith in the abtim is two years. This is due as human disease and it is humanity solute power of scientific medicine much to a two-class medical systhat is at risk. to find cures for every ill and for tem one for the poor and one medicine to be completely free for others as it is to a racist from the cultural values and bebias in our society . BeYOnd the pastoral functions liefs of the society in which it is of ministry, church leaders have practiced leads only to disilluanother responsibility. The sionment and even paranoia. We must work to dispel the church should take leadership to Medicine is deeply emaccepted wisdom that we are help demythologize this disease . bedded in social, economic, and helpless before this plague. The I am referring to the subtle rumor political variables. It was only a fact of the matter is that if we that AIDS is caused by homofew years ago that modem psyhave the will, we could tum sexuality or shooting heroin rather chiatry decided that the state of around the frightening and fatal than by a retrovirus. It's a quick being known as a homosexual was statistics. If we offered universal jump from there to assume the not a "mental deformity" or education on safe sex at .every age way to cure the disease is not by "emotional illness." All of us level and repealed the tough neemedical means but by moral recneed to understand what Rudolf dle laws, we would save the lives titude. This view of the disease is Virchow, the father of modem of thousands of potential victims. far too simplistic. It assumes pathology, said about his profesThe mythology is that we each person's behavior is free sion: "Medicine is a social science can scare people out of and away from external forces internal in its very marrow and bone. from drugs, homosexuality, and and external, conscious and unPolitics is nothing but medicine on heterosexual promiscuity. We, conscious, economic and social, a large scale." people of faith, know better than many more powerful than the fear Do we really believe that it anyone else that you can't scare of death. People drink, smoke, is a medical decision not to give people into "being good." It fiand drive themselves to death in clean needles to intravenous drug nally won't work. The religious staggering numbers each year in users? Of course not, but most institutions in this country have a this country. doctors, and clergy, and polimarvelous challenge before them. If we look at the history of ticians would agree because it There is only the slightest hint venereal disease in this nation, we would encourage "illegal drug that we will be able to rise to the will see that old scare tactics have use." But AIDS is not caused by occasion. failed. Victim blaming and morinjecting intravenous drugs. It is alizing have not been effective caused by reusing an infected This article is reprinted by permission public health mechanisms. We hypodermic needle. In England from the September 1987 issue of must be honest and recognize that and Canada, IV drug users are not Missionworks: Reports from the Divithe behavioral change we are a high risk group. In the Nethsion of the American Missionary Asseeking does not mean encouragerlands, only two AIDS cases sociation of the United Church Board for ing celibacy, heterosexuality, or were reported among Homeland Ministries of the United morality. Rather, it means deAmsterdam's 7,000 to 8,000 Church ofChrist. Howard Moody is the veloping means to avoid coming addicts. In these countries, sterile pastor of Judson Memorial Church in into contact with the virus. needles are easily available. New York City. Open Hands 9 in the Black Community An Interview with Harold Burris Harold 1. Burris, an ordained United Methodist minister, has been involved in AIDS planning and services since his moving to Washington, D.C., in 1983. As part of that work, he was director of, and consultant to, Schwartz Housing Services, a program through which the Whitman-Walker Clinic, Washington's Iesbianl gay clinic, provides housing for persons with AIDS. Previously, he worked for 13 years as a special consultant to the Alcohol and Drug Abuse Education Program of the U.S. Department of Education. Burris currently is program director of IMPACT (the Intergroup Minority Project, AIDS Consortium, and Trust), an organization that does AIDS-education and social-services work with minorities in Washin!?ton, D.C. In this interview with Open Hands co-editor Bradley Rymph, Burris describes special probLems and challengesfacing the Black community -and especially BLack churches -in dealing with AIDS. He also speaks ofthe changes aLready taking place in the Black church and of his hope for further progress in this drastically needed effort. Why don't we start out by talking about what the general problems related to AIDS in minority communities are? Well, the first and most alanning thing we're dealing with is the fact, unmistakable now, that the statistics are changing. Use Washington, D.C., for example. For so long, approximately 49% of the persons with AIDS here were minorities. That is now up to 53% and quickly approaching 55%. We have 12 children with full-blown AIDS in Washington, and all of them are minority. Yet these Black persons with AIDS in Washington are not being served by anyone. I remember my first introduction to this issue was by a local physician who indicated to me his alarm that most of his minority patients came in for a diagnosis and then he didn't see them again until someone called for the signature on a death certificate. My experience over the last three years dealing with everything from families to PW As themselves to support services is that there is no indication whatsoever that the majority of minority AIDS patients are getting any And by services you mean professional medical treatment as well as housing services, financial services, ... Everything. A diagnosis with the disease has such traumatic effect and stigma in the minority community that there is no way that a family or an individual is going to do anything but cringe, fall apart, and go into some back roll. Then, with the traditional poor health background and lack of health insurance, there's little opportunity to have access to medical and social resources. Many of these people are already stigmatized by having been on welfare or having some contributions to their lives from social services, so to have one more stigma -and a stigma that has morality, sexuality, and social judgment on itis just something they can't take. The average White, middle-class gay man in a large city like Washington is not living at home. He has moved here from Iowa, Kansas, Pennsylvania, California, wherever. The average gay Black man has moved down the street, if he's moved anywhere. Mother, dad, grandparents, aunts, uncles, family persons are all around him. Coming out is in many cases not an option. Even when it is an option, it is done very cautiously. So that to be seen in the city utilizing these resources is a difficult situation. For the White gay male, Washington is an escape from wherever he grew up, from the family setting and all the rest, the church inclusive. But for the Black gay male, this is generally home. For the IV-drug user, it is absolutely home. An IV user doesn't move from city to city even as much as gay people. Another statistic also disturbs me. The local gay male clinic for VD and syphilis has virtually closed down. But, where once this was a 90% White clinic, it is now a 99% Black clinic. *The danger is that we have minority people who somehow don't believe that this is a serious matter and are still involved in unprotected sexual practices. *Editor's note: The U.S. Centers for Disease Control reported earlier this year that, during the first 46 weeks of 1987, syphilis cases among White gay menfell by 34% nationally, while the number ofcases among Black gay men increased by 6%. However, the number ofcases among all people in the United States -heterosexual and homosexuaL, male services or seeking those services. andfemale -rose by 32%. 10 Open Hands Why do you think that is? I think it ha a lot to do with culture, and especially a culture of all minority groups, whether they be Black, Hispanic, you name it. Cultures that are oppressed place a high premium on masculinity as a matter of production and saving the culture. I think that Blacks have long thought that using condoms, using anything artificial in sexual behavior, demeans it, or as I heard a young lady say , "changes my nature." There is still a strong belief that any control in terms of sexual practices is counter to being a strong masculine or female person. And many heterosexual women don 't want their men to use a condom because it doesn't "feel right." Now, I think we have to be honest. It doesn't feel right to gay males either. They 're using condoms because there is a high priority on life. We've got to raise that priority with other people. AIDS education has to be honest about these facts. You have to sell people the idea of risk and not the idea that safe sex is something that's going to be more pleasurable than what they have been doing. Don't try to make it some glamorous thing when it's not. You've referred to some statistics for Washington, D.C. Is it fair to assume that the statistics are similar nationally, especially in urban areas? Oh, sure. And I'm sure that the statistics have never been up to par in urban areas because, as the doctor said, so many cases are diagnosed and the next time you see them they're dead. And who's going to determine that they ' ve got AIDS when they're dead unless somebody is requesting it. You 've got to understand that in the Black community autopsies are not respected or a predominant thing. I'm sure we've buried many a young person for a long time with AIDS who will never be diagnosed as such. Now there's a bigger issue that we've got to look at. And that is the issue that the Black church is basically conservative, fundamentalistic, and has not dealt well , historically or presently, with any sexuality. Anybody who knows anything about the Black church would not expect it to be able to deal effectively with what is still seen there as a "gay disease." I mean, it is no wonder that the mouths of most of our ministers keep quiet. This includes the whole spectrum. There is no part of the minority church that I know of that in any way has a broad perspective on human sexuality and moral issues. They're very tight, very judgmental, and very traditional. It just doesn't bode well for dealing with an issue like AIDS. How realistic is it to hope that Black churches might become more positively involved, or do you just have to develop ways to go around the Black church? You have to face that that's where we are and begin working. I see changes in Washington. I see ministers struggling to find new ways. What AIDS has done is that it has taken Black churches, Black ministers, and slammed them against the walls and said morality is not about who you've been sleeping with last night; morality is about lifestyle. Morality is about life and death now -not because somebody might catch you sleeping with someone and shoot you, but because you might live and die from the suffering of AIDS. This kind of context makes it a whole different world. It's painful for people to have to walk out from this, preachers particularly, and say to congregations, "Hey, you've got to look differently at this. Your children, my Children, you, me, are in a different world." It takes time to say that. We've got to help people through education, programs, training , and all the rest to deal with this. Black people don't hate gays. They don 't know how to deal with it in the context of their religion and their morality. They love gay people as persons, but they have no context in which to deal with it wholesomely. So what kind of help and programs are needed? One of the things that we 're doing with IMPACT is developing a program of training pastors here in Washington, taking a group of 12 to 14 at a time and working with them in sessions to do several things: to first, look at AIDS for what it is; secondly, to be better pastors to persons with AIDS ; thirdly, to introduce AIDS education into their churches' education programs; and fourthly , to extend that education to their adults and to their community. That's asking a lot of them. And you can't ask it individually . You've got to ask it in groups because people cannot go out on a limb by themselves and be destroyed. They must have some support system. We are planning to have that support system by not only training them and giving them the best resources we have but by also giving them technical assistance in the process. In general , AIDS work in the minority community isn't being done adequately any place around the country. One of the pioneers who has tried to do something is the Rev. Carl Bean in Los Angeles. He has had one of the first minority AIDS programs in the country and always attaches-to it training and educatioil for clergy persons. A second pioneer was here in Washington, Dr. James Tinney, who died recently. He had the first seminars for clergy persons on AIDS, I believe, in this country. He had so much skill and resource which he shared with people, and he really provided the groundwork through which many of us others will go. Open Hands 11 The fact that these men have raised the issue of AIDS is what's important. Certainly they have had to step out of the mainstream of the church to do it, and that's tragic. But I don't find many folk in the mainstream of any churches, period, and less in the Black churches, raising the issue. These men were willing to risk, to surrender. If you were to go to a pastor or a deacon of a Black church and say "What you most need to do now in relationship to AIDS in your community is __," what would you say? Relate to one person. I have a wonderful experience of a church where that happened. When I was in housing services, I had a problem with a young Black man who -caught in the crossfires of his physical pain and his emotional traumas -just couldn't be dealt with. I asked this church for some help, and they sent over a deacon. I will never forget this 60-, 65-year-old man coming up there to sit down with us and try to mediate, work out, put his prejudices aside -all that he'd lived with and believed all his life to get to be respected as a deacon. And he had to put it all aside to deal with this situation. That man is a light of lights in that congregation, and we were invited back later to do an education seminar in that church around AIDS. I don't think we changed the church; don't be confused. But that we were in there, and that I could talk about all the issues, was miraculous in itself. It does happen. Go in with one person, one human need, and give somebody the opportunity to know one person, and that will make a difference. Understand that I don't believe that, because we have IMPACT, we're going to make miracles and change the world. We just want to make a few steps. We just want to take a few lives out of the grips of pain and hell and despair and make them better. Let's go back to my working with mostly White gays in AIDS housing services. I was a Black clergy person coming out of a Black community. But I believe every person deserves to live and die in dignity. And the one thing I know that I pushed for everybody was that I don't care who you are or what you did; you have the right, the need, the opportunity, to live whatever life you have before you in the grandest dignity possible. And no person on the earth has the right under God to demean you or deny you less than the best. And that means less than the best of medical resources, social resources, housing resources. Nobody has made me God. Nobody has told me that I have the right to cut somebody down, because who knows -it's not just the selfishness of who knows where I'll end up, but it is the selfishness of knowing that all of us are children of God. That's the ultimate nature of us all. And that's all I have to say to them. And I have to fight for that sometimes. It's damn painful, but that's what you have to fight for . WODlenand Fighting] Although AIDS is often seen as a gay male disease, women are making up a growing percentage of the total reported AIDS cases. Epidemics always seem to hit the poorer populations the hardest, and this one is no different. Poor Black and Hispanic women have much higher rates of death from AIDS than their Anglo sisters. The reality of women and AIDS today is usually hidden from us. For example, a recent cover story on "AIDS and the Single Woman" in People magazine carried photos of 14 women with AIDS, two of whom were Black and two of whom were Hispanic. The reality is that the great majority of women with AIDS are Black or Hispanic. Some AIDS education films picture a woman in despair over her baby dying of AIDS -a tragic scene. Even more tragic, however, is the fact that no mention is made that the woman herself must also have AIDS to have transmitted the disease to her infant before birth. Her disease is invisible; only the tragedy of the child counts. Where you live and what you read affects how you perceive the crisis . In California and Texas, AIDS is over 90 percent a gay male disease. However, in New York City, AIDS is the leading cause ofdeath for women between the ages of 25 and 34. Twenty-two percent of New York City women contracted the virus from infected men, not infected needles. The number of children with AIDS increased 50percent in the past year. Seventy-six percent ofthese AIDS children are black or Latino. I AIDS is a disease of gay men, and of women, and of children, and of minority people . Economic realities often force women into invisibility with their health concerns. Women are frequently unable to secure adequate health care for themselves and their children. Especially women at increased risk for AIDS (usually poor and non-White) must often rely on already overburdened health facilities that lack the time and resources to provide adequate diagnosis and treatment. 12 Open Hands AIDS: Invisibllity By M. Burrill When a women does have access to medical care, it may not necessarily address her particular needs. The medical community is just beginning to acknowledge that HIV infection may appear differently in women than in men. As a recent article in Ms. magazine points out: States and cities with heavy concentrations ofAIDS are experiencing dramatic increases in the number of deaths of women from a variety of respiratory and infectious diseases thought to be AIDS-related, but not included in the Centersfor Disease Control's definition ofAIDS. These increases ... indicate that in the communities hardest hit so far by AIDS, the deaths of women may be significantly undercounted because many do not survive long enough to develop or be diagnosed as having the ''full-blown'' AIDS usedfor official case counts. In addition, AIDS may manifest itself differently in women, often first appearing as a gynecological disease. 2 Not only is it a problem that AIDS may not be properly diagnosed in women, but the disease may cause different opportunistic infections in women than in men. The protocol that defined AIDS initially was derived from treatment of gay men and male IV drug users. We are beginning to see that AIDS in women may manifest itself very differently. For example, Kaposi's sarcoma, the skin cancer often seen in male AIDS patients, is rarely seen in women. On the other hand, gynecological diseases commonly found in HIV -infected women are not included in the official definition of AIDS. Are we wearing blinders that allow us only to see what is happening in the "male world"? At what point are women taken into account in the total picture of AIDS? The health care system is not the only place where the skewed attitudes towards women and AIDS are reflected. Even though tracking the spread of AIDS in this country has consistently revealed that men are most responsible for the spread of the disease, the strong belief persists that women are dangerous transmitters of the disease. As a recent article in OffOur Backs noted: Despite the indisputable fact that AIDS is primarily a male-vectored disease, male researchers persist in viewing women as carriers dangerous to men rather than as victims to men ... In the U.S. men pass the [AIDSJ virus to women far more often than women to men. Semen is a far more effective medium than vaginal fluids. 3 Attitudes of women themselves affect the AIDS situation in two ways. First, women are often the ones who worry about the practice of "safe sex" in a relationship. As with issues of birth control, she is the one who is at increased risk. Often a woman is put in the position of weighing her access to the man's comparative wealth and the security it provides against her desire for safe sex and his unwillingness to use a condom.4 Women with little power in their relationships feel unable to jeopardize the immediate well-being of themselves and their children by demanding "safe sex" for some seemingly mythical protection from a disease that might strike them 10 years hence. Second, low-risk women seem to be the ones that worry the most about getting AIDS. The women with the greatest access to accurate information and adequate health care are not the ones getting the disease. Ifwe allow low-risk women's needs to dominate the picture, it diverts attention from the very desperate needs for education, social services, and health care for lowincome minority women -the high-risk women. 5 Our attitudes and AIDS-phobia also contribute to a tendency to exaggerate. Off Our Backs explained: "To read most manuals and pamphlets on safe sex, it would seem that a sexually active woman has to rubberize or risk death at every encounter and that all women in all relationships are at equal risk. This is both simplistic and inaccurate.,,6 Non-drug-using women in monogamous relationships with men who are not bisexual or IV drug users are not at great risk of contracting AIDS. Neither are lesbians. The incidence of AIDS "is lower in the lesbian populations than in other groups and it is unlikely that even seropositive women could easily transmit the virus to another woman.,,7 Taking responsibility for our own lives (and it is a life and death matter) includes knowing facts and myths, distinguishing between them, and acting accordingly. An of this has implications about how we address the issues involved with women and AIDS. AIDS education needs to be targeted to high-risk women . All of us need to examine and reexamine our attitudes about AIDS and, specifically, women and AIDS. We must not let our prejudices exacerbate the problem. We have to challenge the invisibility and misperceptions of those around us about women and AIDS. We need to be in dialogue about these issues. We need to be accurately informed. Unfortunately , what we think we know about AIDS determines social policies that touch us everywhere we live -the government and public health; medicine and the Hippocratic oath; civil liberties and mandatory testing; immigration; the church and gays; the bishops and condoms; network TV and commercials for contraceptives; how we collect blood, administer prisons, license marriages, apply for insurance, educate our children, and look into our mirror. s We need to call on our broadest definitions of inclusiveness and apply them to the AIDS crisis. We need to expand our views of AIDS as a "gay disease" to AIDS as a disease of people. As we stretch these boundaries, we will help the invisible -women with AIDS -become more visible. NOTES 1 John Leonard, "Straight Facts, Homophobia and Heterosexual Anxiety Twine to Create AIDS Madness," Ms., June 1988, p. 32. 2 Chris Norwood, "Alanning Rise in Deaths, Are Women Showing New AIDS Symptoms?" Ms. , July 1988, p. 65. 3 Linda Anderson and Samantha Winchester, "AIDS: Between Rubber and Reason," Off Our Backs, April 1988, p. 12. 4 Ibid. 5 Ibid. 6 Ibid. 7 Ibid, p. 13. 8 Leonard, p. 33. M. Burrill is co-editor o/Open Hands and a director o/Christian education. Open Hands 13 AIDS: OPPORTUNITI AIOS on Retreat The fact that AIDS is one of the most devastating diseases of this century IS overwhelming. As persons of faith called to reach out in love wherever there is a need, we struggle to avoid our own paralysis in the face of this frightening virus. In rising to meet the challenges posed by AIDS, a smorgasbord of opportunities for minIstry is available. The short pieces that follow contain a sampling of that fare Including indivIdual ministry with persons with AIDS (PWAs), instItutions organizing to provide housing and help for PWAs, an AIDS retreat, and a whole host of suggestions for congregations asking "What can we do7" This serves not as an exhaustive list of possibilities but as yeast to provide leaven for your loaf of ministry By Bill Lasher W hen we think of a retreat, we think of peaceful nature settings, hiking with friends, or s~tting around the fire. We usually do not thmk of persons with AIDS. The Troy Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church (which includes Vermont and the northeastern part of New York state) is expanding visions of what a retreat can be through their camping program for persons with AIDS. The Troy Conference is a small conference of predominantly small churches in rural or small town settings in a politically conservative area. Its camping program has a long and successful history, with a program that includes some outof-the-ordinary provisions. For instance, a recent fund drive stipulated that 5% of the monies raised be given to a "partner" Methodist camp in Brazil, and the Board of Camps and Conferences was challenged to develop camping programs to address the needs of persons not usually served by that program. Out of this last provision grew the idea for a retreat for persons with AIDS. Two actions of significance here were taken by the 1987 annual conference session. It voted to become a Reconciling Conference, and it upheld the Board of Camps and Conferences in their plans t.o sponsor a "Quality of Life" retreat expenence for persons with AIDS. The AIDS Council of Northeastern New York helped to develop the retreat, and funding was provided by the Conference Council on Ministries, the Albany Synod of the Presbyterian Church USA, and individual gifts and local church donations. The objectives of the program were to offer hospitality in a safe and loving space and to listen to what persons with AIDS have to say to us as they come to terms with life, illness, and possible death. The five-day event was held in August at one of the conference retreat fac.il~ties. Twelve persons with AIDS particIpated. Topics for discussion, recreational activities, and scheduling were planned by the participants in advance and during the retreat itself. Such involvement created trust and credibility between sponsors and participants. Ownership and enthusiasm for the retreat grew with their involvement. At the retreat itself, a community spirit of trust, caring, and o~e?ness quickly developed. For mo~t p~rtlclpants who had experienced the rejectIOns of the church, community, and, in some cases, family and friends, this experience ~as one of healing and hope. Personal stones of sorrow, pain, joy, and triumph were shared. The retreat was a success. The objectives were met, and the lives of the participants and leaders were enriched. S~veral participants have become more active in the work of the AIDS Council. Another person, who participated in the planning but was too ill to attend, spoke of the retreat before his death in October as a significant event in his life. The date is set, and plans are proceeding with the AIDS Council and with possible participants for a second "Quality of Life" retreat in 1988. Sponsoring this event was not without difficulties. Hysteria and poor information about AIDS and the risks involved were legion. Conference leaders, local churches, and camp staff asked many questions and expressed many concerns. Neighbors to the retreat center were not given enough advance notice of the plans and objectives of the retreat. . We have learned from our expenence and look forward to a smoother process in the future as we continue this ministry with a very special group of persons. Bill Lasher is council director of the Troy Conference Council on Ministries in Saratoga Springs, New York. 14 Open Hands I IES FOR MINISTRY When AIDS Come:,;s~~~~, Home to Us By Nancy A. Carter Allover the United States, AIDS has "come home" to our communities. Churches are asking, "What should we do?" Although many people may not heard it at least three times! In every an individual's fear of "catching" homoyet know a person with AIDS, most of us group, there are always people who do not sexuality. The racist fear that persons of know a family member of someone who know what AIDS is and how it is transcolor are "dangerous" may be interminhas AIDS or has died from it, whether we mitted. gled with the fear of AIDS as "dangerare aware of it or not. Most of us have ous." AIDS becomes a means to extend read, seen, and heard media reports about • Fear reduction -By stating facts individual and institutional discriminaAIDS and have worried whether or not we about AIDS, educators seek to reduce tion. or one of our loved ones might be at risk people's irrational fears about AIDS. for getting the disease. No matter what our "No, we do not get AIDS from toilet seats, • Risk reduction -The purpose of this age, sex, race, or sexual orientation, we drinking fountains, and door knobs ..." is to help us change our behavior to reduce all need to be concerned about this crisis Even when some people hear facts, they our risk of contracting AIDS. And I mean and the many facets of society it affects. still are afraid. All of us at one time or "us" here -church people, too. Like Churches have responded to the AIDS crisis from many different beginning points. The pastor or a lay person raises a concern for persons with AIDS at prayer time during worship. A member asks the congregation to volunteer and/or contribute to work of an AIDS service organization. The pastor uses an illustration about AIDS in a sermon; later a church family decides to share its pain about one of its relatives who died from AIDS. A youth or adult study group asks for educational sessions on AIDS and sexuality. Or someone announces during sharing time that she or he has AIDS. Especially in this last case, AIDS has come home in the most dramatic way. Ideally, a church should educate itself about AIDS before someone in the congregation develops the disease. Education should involve a number of basic components. • Presentation ofmedical facts -This is essential, not just once but over and over. Most people do not assimilate the most basic information about how people get and do not get AIDS until they have another have irrational fears about AIDS. This type of fear is termed "AFRAIDS." Thank people for being honest about their fears; encourage them to share their true feelings. If persons are simply repeating ignorant rumors, you may need to be more firm. Reiterate the basic facts, and include stories of people relating positively to people with AIDS. Another way to reduce fear is to invite people who know persons with AIDS to talk. The presence of a person with AIDS can help, although sensitivity to the possibility that some individuals in the group may react negatively is important. In the long run, personal contact with persons with AIDS is the best way to help eliminate "AFRAIDS." • Combating societal ills -An educational event can give information about how the AIDS crisis intensifies such long-term societal illnesses as homophobia, racism, sexism, and economic injustice~ Another level of irrational fear related to AIDS can be present -a fear based on homophobia and/or racism. The fear of "catching" AIDS may be related to most human beings, we tend to deny that we need to change our behavior. It's easier to focus on "other people out there" or "our teenagers" and not take responsibility for ourselves. Even when people know the facts about AIDS, they may not change risky behavior. Use of role plays and other experiential exercises are helpful. • Self-determination -Involving the group itself in deciding the best way to do prevention education is preferred. One pastor invited the "grandmothers" of her church to meet with her to discuss AIDS. The grandmothers decided upon a number of actions, including holding a "safer sex" party for themselves, which would later be replicated for younger members! Selfdetermination was one of the keys to the success of the educational campaign in the gay male community. • Exploring theological and spiritual models of health and wholeness -As Christians within this crisis, we need to (continued on page 16) Open Hands 15 A I DS : OPPORTUNITI (continued from page 15) look at the relationship of sin and sickness. Various traditions in the Bible and church history equate sin and sickness. Some, citing these traditions, have asserted that AIDS is God's judgment. Life does not confirm that sickness equals sin. Job found that out. Jesus corrected people's ideas about why a man was born blind. We only need to reflect on our own experience to realize that sickness cannot always be equated with sin. Study and dialogue can bring to light biblical and church traditions that give more complex understandings of sickness. • Affirmation of sexuality -The church has not had a good record of living out the affirmation that human sexuality is a good gift from God. We need to examine Christian viewpoints on human sexuality and our attitudes towards lesbian and gay people. AIDS has been used by some to reinforce negative attitudes toward sexual activity, particularly gay and lesbian sexual activity. Churches need to affirm human sexuality and also to be inclusive of all persons. Churches can resource educational events in a number of ways. Some have members already well versed on the issues. Others bring together a small program planning group that studies printed and audiovisual resources and talks to people familiar with AIDS education before doing their own event. Others contact the nearest AIDS service organization, health department, hospital, or Red Cross for assistance. Some church agencies or jurisdictions have AIDS task forces that provide or suggest speakers. Publicize your event. Don't underestimate interest. Many people will come to an AIDS education event at church because they feel safe talking about a scary topic there. Recently I was told to expect maybe a dozen persons at an event; over 40 came. The minister and the planning committee were surprised. A desired outgrowth of education is involvement in ministry and action. One large suburban church, after holding six 16 Open Hands sessions on AIDS, decided to consider becoming a Reconciling Congregation (RC). Becoming an RC equips a church to deal with one societal illness intensified by the AIDS crisis -homophobia. People still regard AIDS as a "gay disease." Homophobia causes persons with AIDS and/or their families to suffer in secret rather than tell their church that they or one of their relatives has been infected with AIDS. In an affirming church, persons are more likely to share their pain. Other actions may involve the worship and service life of the church. An easily accomplished first step includes remembering persons with AIDS and their loved ones and caretakers in prayer. One church lights a green candle of life and hope in the midst of the AIDS crisis. Another church held four Advent services on the theme of hope, healing, and AIDS. A church can contribute to an AIDS project, which may be church sponsored or run by an AIDS service organization. Members can volunteer for AIDS service organizations, if these are nearby. One church packs "safer sex" kits, which are distributed by the local AIDS organization to drug addicts. Another church provides office space for the newly formed Women and AIDS Resource Network. Church members can volunteer at hospitals, visiting persons with AIDS or cuddling babies with AIDS. A church can do AIDS education. It can distribute literature about AIDS in its information rack. It can encourage school boards to do appropriate AIDS education at all age levels. The list of "beginning" actions is endless. Choose an approach that is appropriate to your group. The Gospel calls us to love and care for one another. As AIDS "comes home" to our communities and churches, we can respond through education and action. Nancy A. Carter, pastor of Epworth UM Parish in Woodhaven, New York, and director ofpastoral care at Brooklyn UM Church Home, is coordinator ofthe AIDS Education Project for Prevention, Ministry, and Action of the New York Annual Conference . Person To Person By Sally Daniel When I began to be Involved w ith AIDS ministry they assigned me one AI DS patient at a time I'd pick up [the case] at whatever pOint I was assigned and carry It through the death, the funeral, and time with the family afterwards In some cases, the family learned their son was gay the day they learned he was gOing to dlel And that's when I got cal led In When I w as assigned my fi rst AIDS patient, I really didn't know what in the world I w as gOing to do. I knew that hiS mother had Just learned that he w as gay and was going to die. I had to drive qUite a long way to see him, and I w as getting more and more nervous and anxious "What am I gOing to do, what am I gOing to say?" I walked Into the room, and there he w as, lying on the bed I Just took him Into my arms, and we cned together We'd never met he didn't know who I was And strangely enough, that's what's happened ever Sl nee Many of the AIDS patients I dea l With have been told they're no good. Their pastors or priests have kicked them out of the church. I am there to affirm that they are not rotten, no-good sinners I affirm they are children of God, loved children of GOd. I have to walk into their rooms and be the ChrISt figure. Sally Daniel is pastor of Grant Park Aldersgate UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Atlanta. Excerpted with permission from the video "Casting Out Fear. " See RCP Report, this issue, for details. CHURCHES BIND T IES FOR MINISTRY TOGETHER By J. Delton Pickering The AIDS Interfaith Network of Baltimore was founded in August 1985 by a group of laity and clergy and quickly adopted goals related to pastoral care, education, advocacy, and residential serv ices for persons with AIDS (PW As). Committees were formed around each of these areas to shape policies and to implement programs. The residential services committee, chaired by Don Miller, a Roman Cathobc gay activist and a person with AIDS, initially focused on the need for hospice care for PW As. In April 1986, the committee issued a report that included a survey of all the hospice programs in metropolitan Baltimore. The survey found that five programs offered their services to PWAs, while four did not. None of the programs, however, was geared to providing PW As with the quality of care the committee deemed appropriate. In light of this, the AIDS Interfaith Network issued a call to the religious community to provide a free-standing hospice specifically for persons with AIDS. The report stated: The religious community is called to be a healing force ... assuring the care of the sick and dying, ministering to the grief of family and friends. People of faith must move to ensure that persons with AIDS are enabled to die with dignity and that trained people are available to minister to the bereaved. To place their proposals before the religious community, in addition to a press conference, news releases , and correspondence, the committee requested agenda time at one of the bimonthly meetings of major religious leaders in the Baltimore area. Working through the Central Maryland Ecumenical Council (CMEC), a respected ecumenical organization in the region, the committee members found a receptive ear. They proposed that an interfaith project focusing on residential care for PW As be developed under the auspices of CMEC. The first stage of the project was the development of small residential units (apartments or homes) for PWAs. These were to be located in scattered sites throughout the metropolitan area. The second stage was to explore the development of a "full-blown, free-standing hospice" as the need for hospice care became more acute. The group was bold enough to lay out a first year's budget of approximately $70,000, complete with suggestions as to the amount each faith group was to contribute. The amounts ranged from $20,000 for the Roman Catholic archdiocese and $15 ,000 for the United Methodists to several hundred dollars for the small denominations. The denominational leaders, anxious to find a way that the religious community 'could demonstrate its compassion, agreed both to the project and the budget. Since that date, the Jewish community has joined the project to assure that it is in fact an inteifaith response to the AIDS crisis. With the imprimatur of the religious community, AIDS Interfaith Residential Services (AIRS) moved quickly to develop a governing board and to hire a project director. Several months later, the Sisters of Mercy released one of their members (a nun who had been related to the AIDS Interfaith Network from the beginning) to serve as coordinator of patient services for the project. Soon, the Jesuit Volunteer Corps sent a young man to serve as coordinator of volunteers. The first residence was opened in March 1988 and was named, appropriately, the Don Miller House. Don Miller first conceptualized this program and devoted enormous energy to seeing that it was developed. A week before he died from AIDS on March 15, he was informed that the first residence was to be named in his honor. The Don Miller House now has its first occupants: a previously homeless young mother who has AIDS and her two daughters, one of whom has ARC. A second apartment in the house is being readied for three single men. The project is moving rapidly toward the opening of other houses and apartments. Representatives of the sponsoring religious groups have pledged the budget for a second year and have given indications that they will continue this ministry for the long haul. Jews, Orthodox, Roman Catholics, Quakers, Unitarians, United Methodists, and other Protestant denominations in Baltimore have demonstrated that the religious community can join collaboratively to reach out with compassion and care to persons with AIDS. J. Delton Pickering is executive director of Ecumenical Campus Ministry. Inc .. and chairs the Steering Committee of the AIDS Interfaith NetIVork of Baltimore. Open Hands 17 When A Loved One Has AIDS ... ... Offer to do household chores, perhaps taking out the laundry While serious Illness IS a fact of washing dishes, watering plants, everyday life, AIDS poses new challenges feeding and walking pets. This may for everyone involved; not only Individuals be appreciated more than you realize. with AIDS, but also their friends and However, ask before doing anything. family members People who are in the Don't do what your loved one wants prime of their lives have become III, and and can do for him/herself. their prospects for a long life may be ... Keep any promises you make. severely affected Their situation is not an Tell your loved one what you'd like to isolated one, but is shared by people do to help. If he/she agrees to your close to them request do it. When someone you know becomes I II, ... Check in with your loved one 's especially with a serious Illness like AIDS, lover, spouse, care-partner, or you may feel helpless or Inadequate roommate. They may need a break Here are some thoughts and suggestions from time to time. Offer to care for that may help you to help someone who the person with AIDS in order to give IS ill. the loved one some free time. Remember, they may need someone to talk with as well. ... Try not to avoid your friend. Be ... Don't allow your loved one or there -it instills hope. Be the loved the care-partner to become isolated. one you've always been, especially ... Celebrate holidays and life by Let them know about the support now when it is most important. offering to decorate the home or groups and other concrete, practical hospital room. Bring flowers or other services offered without charge by ... Ask if it is okay to visit. Let your special treasures. Include your loved organizations and agencies in your loved one make the decision. He/she one in holiday festivities. A holiday area. may not feel up to a visit that day. doesn't have to be marked on a You can always visit on another calendar; you can make any day a occasion. Now is a time when your ... Ask for a shopping list holiday. friendship can help keep loneliness and make a home delivery. and fear at a distance. ... Your loved one may be a parent. Ask about the children. Offer to help ... Touch your loved one. A simple care for them. squeeze of the hand or a hug can let him or her know that you care. ... Be creative. Bring books, periodicals, taped music, a poster for ... Spend time sharing a meal. Call the wall, home-baked cookies or and say you would like to bring a delicacies to share. Any of these can favorite dish. bring warmth and joy. ... Go for a walk or outing, but ask ... Transportation may be needed to about and know your loved one's a treatment to the store or bank, to limitations. the physician, or perhaps to a movie. How aboutjust a ride to the beach or ... Offer to help answer any the park? correspondence which may be giving some difficulty or which your loved ... Send a card that says simply, "I one may be avoiding. care!" 18 Open Hands ~ It's okay to ask about the illness, but be sensitive to whether your loved T Be gentle, yet remember, never one wants to discuss it. You can find lie. Tell your loved one how good out by asking, "Would you like to talk he/she looks, but only if it is realistic. about how you're feeling?" However, If your loved one's appearance has don't pressure. changed, don't ignore it. T Respond to your loved one's T Do not confuse acceptance of emotions. Weep when he/she weeps. the illness with defeat. This Laugh when your loved one laughs. acceptance may free your loved one It is healthy to share intimacy. It and give a sense of his/her power. enriches you both. T You don't always have to talk. T Like everyone else a person with Much can be expressed without AIDS can have both good and bad words. Sit together, silently reading, days. On the bad days, however, listening to music, watching television, treat your loved one with extra care holding hands. and compassion. T Ask if you could pray together. T Be prepared for your loved one Ask if they wish to talk about feelings to get angry with you for "no obvious about God. Read the Bible and reason," although it feels that you've helpful devotional books. been there and done everything you COUld. Remember, anger and T Finally, take care of yourself. frustration are often taken out on Recognize your own emotionS"' and people most loved because it's safe honor them. Share your grief, anger, and will be understood. feelings of helplessness or whatever is coming up for you with others. T Don't lecture or direct your anger Getting the support you need during at your loved one if he/she seems to this crisis will help you to be there for be handling the illness in a way that your loved one. you think is inappropriate. You may not understand what the feelings are T Bring a positive attitude. It's and why certain choices are made. catChing! T Keep your loved one up to date on mutual friends and other common interests. You both may be tired of talking about symptoms, doctors, and treatments. T What's in the news? Discuss "When A Loved One Has AIDS" is reprinted current events. Help keep your loved with permission/rom a pamphlet published by the one from feeling that the world is United Church Board/or Homeland Ministries . passing him or her by. Copies 0/ this pamphlet may be purchased at $.10 per copy from UCBHM. J32 W. 3 Jst Street. New York. NY 1000J . T Encourage your loved one to make decisions. Illness can cause a loss of control over many aspects of life. Don't deny your friend a chance to make decisions, no matter how simple or silly they may seem to you. T Talk about the future tomorrow, next week, next year. It's good to look toward the future without denying the reality of today. Open Hands 19 SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT A Yom Hashoa In ancient Hebrew, Yom Hashoa meant a "burnt offering." In more modern times, Yom Hashoa has come to symbolize the remembrance of those who died during the Holocaust. Yom Hashoa is celebrated 40 days after Passover/Easter. CALL TO WORSHIP We come to this service with so many needs and longings. We have been on different journeys, and conceived many different thoughts. But underneath it all is the same basic need for love and acceptance. That is why we are here -to confess to each other our need for love from one another -even in the abiding presence of God's love. God, lay the sustaining spirit of your love on us as we come to remember those living and no longer living with AIDS. Let us feel the liberating power of your love which calls us into new roles of compassion and outreach. LITANY Leader: We are called to go where we would not go -to places of suffering and death -and places of remembrance. People: We are called like the prophets, like Daniel and like Esther, to right a wrong, to cry out for our people who are dying. Leader: In the midst of the holocaust, I saw the Ancient One in the faces of my fathers and mothers who went before me to face the forces of selfrigh teousness. People: In the midst of the flame, I saw God. In the midst of death, I saw those who had been delivered. Leader: liNever shall I forget that nocturnal silence which deprived me, for all eternity of the desire to live. Never shall I forget those moments which murdered my God and my soul and turned my dreams to dust. Never shall I forget those things, even if I am condemned to live as long as God. Never." [by Elie Wiesel] 20 Open Hands People: Never shall I forget those flames which consumed me and thee. Leader: And lest we be driven to forget, a remembrance has been placed before us, in the faces of AIDS; that we might know of God's presence -not in the suffering, but in the compassion; not in the judgment, but in the love. People: Never shall I forget those flames which consumed me and thee. Leader: The remnants of the bombing of Hiroshima are called "hibakusha," explosion-affected persons. And we are explosion-affected persons against the holocaust which AIDS has perpetuated upon our brothers and our sisters and on ourselves, as well. People: Never shall I forget those flames which consumed me and thee. Leader: Never shall I forget those flames which forged you into a hero and martyr, one who was strong when I felt most weak. People: Amidst your dying, I saw the infinite face of God. I came to hold your hand, and you told me not to be afraid. I looked for ways to heal, and you told me, Utoday I will be with you in paradise." ALL: And lest we forget, I saw in the faces of AIDS a new heaven and a new earth -a place where I could cry out against injustice and be unafraid -a place where God was transforming human frailty into love. Lest we forget God's compassion, let us remember one another's love, and the place for that love, with our brothers and sisters, our adversaries and our allies. AMEN and AMEN. SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT HYMN FOR REMEMBRANCE "Open My Eyes" CALL TO PRAYER God, we come before you today aching inside. We are revolted by the news which comes to us daily of hatred and disease. But we are doubly troubled today because we know that the awful things we see going on in the world are also inside of us. We know too, God, that often we have tried to go our lives alone without calling on you for help. We haven't even been willing to take the time to see how an expanded concept of you might bring us to a brand new way of envisioning possibilities for ourselves. We need to experience today the radical, sweeping power of your active love in the midst of our hating and hesitant living. SILENT AND CONGREGATIONAL PRAYERS (A time to speak aloud or silently of the grief and hope which we all carry. A time for the reading of names of those who have died. Optional time of Eucharist and/or Passing of the Peace.) WORDS OF ASSURANCE "And behold: I saw a new heaven and a new earth -for the old heaven and the old earth had passed away and were no more!" Look around you -God's powerful love is present in persons who care about you and the health of persons in the world. Look within you -God's powerful love is present in all your yearnings to be the very best person you can possibly be. HYMN OF ASSURANCE: "We Are a Gentle, Angry People" BENEDICTION (adapted from a Navajo benediction) L: God is before us. P: God is behind us. L: God is within us. P: God is outside of us. L: God's words shall come from our mouths for we are God's essence, a vision of God's love. P: All is finished in beauty. L: All is finished in beauty. P: All is finished in beauty. Open Hands 21 UNITED METHODIST CONSULTA TIO N The United Methodist Church's first national gathering to look at the church's response to AIDS was held last November. This consultation was cosponsored by three general boards of the denomination: Global Ministries, Church and Society, and Discipleship. Over 400 participants from around the country gathered to listen to speakers, participate in workshops, and worship together. These reflections explore the impact of the consultation on its participants and, more particularly, on Reconciling Congregations. Following Jesus' Example By Mike Alexander Two occurrences since the National Consultation on AIDS Ministries help to interpret my experiences there. The first was the death of Lyle Loder, a member of the consultation steering committee who died two weeks after the event. The other members of the steering committee sent the consultation participants a memorial card to honor Lyle's contribution to the consultation and to the United Methodist response to the epidemic. The second event was the death of one of my parishioners. During the 15 months of his struggle, I learned much about AIDS, its physical and emotional effects, and especially its effects on family members. Mark's disease and death challenged me in many ways, but I remained convinced that God was calling me to minister to him and his family. These two experiences reinforced the primary message of the consultation for me -the assurance of God's compassion to all people and that by following the example of Jesus Christ, I will be strengthened to serve all people, including persons with AIDS. My theological understanding was strengthened by the speakers at the consultation. Bishop Leontine Kelly reminded us that "the Sovereign God is free to be merciful 22 Open Hands to whom God chooses." She went on to say, "Jesus God in flesh -lives out this freedom" by serving those who are outcasts. Kelly rejected any thoughts of AIDS as God's retribution by stating that "God wills shalom for us." Dr. William Herzog, professor of New Testament at the American Baptist Seminary of the West, echoed Bishop Kelly's statements and suggested that Jesus made a shift from the purity codes that were prevalent in his day to a mercy code whereby we are all indebted to God, clean or unclean. His primary example of this shift was the healing of the man with leprosy (Mark 1:40-45). The man asked Jesus to make him clean. Jesus did this by touching him, thus becoming unclean according to the codes. The implications of Herzog's presentation on our understanding of AIDS is that Jesus would reject our 20th century purity codes that center on wealth and health and on a religious morality which sees AIDS as God's punishment. Dr. Karen Lebacqz, on the faculty of the Pacific School of Religion, reminded us that the church's integrity is on the line as it deals with the AIDS crisis. We should be willing to address the realities of AIDS transmission despite the fact that it brings up our most prevalent fears: fear of illness, of death, of the unknown, and of sex, particularly homosexual ity. Rev. Connie Hartquist, Episcopal chaplain at San Francisco General Hospital, urged us as caregivers to be willing to be seen as the other, like Jesus, when we minister. We should be willing to be labeled as gay and as HIV positive. She asked, "What do our responses to AIDS say about our God?" Rev. Cecil Williams, pastor of Glide Memorial Church, San Francisco, reminded us that God suffers with those who suffer. He suggested that the real evil in the world is among those who sit on the sidelines of this crisis. In addition to these theological challenges, we were given an update on the medical aspects of the disease. Dr. Paul Volberding, from San Francisco General Hospital , explained that the difficulty with HIV is that it is a retrovirus that is implanted in a person's genes, thus persons are infected for life and can be infectious even if they don't develop AIDS or ARC. Pat Norman, lesbian activist from San Francisco, warned us to be especially concerned for women, children, and people of color because of the exploding rates of transmission among those groups. Dr. Margaret Gregory, a San Francisco internist, pleaded with us not to forget the IV drug user community which she serves. Dr. Cecile DeSweemer, an epidemiologist working in Africa, challenged us to a global perspective of AIDS. There are more cases in the rest of the world than in North America. In Africa, death comes, on the average, 20 weeks after diagnosis, while in the United States, it comes 18 months after diagnosis . The condition of health care facilities in Africa allows for 15% of the AIDS cases there to be transmitted through the health care system. I also attended two workshops. The first, "Homophobia: A Barrier to AIDS Ministries," looked at the church's heterosexism -the assumption that heterosexuality is the norm upon which human relationships are based. This causes us to miss opportunities for ministry among those who fall outside that norm. ON AID S M INISTRIES The second workshop was "Local Church Models for AIDS Ministries." Here we were challenged to assist in the invention of AIDS ministries. The event that most deeply moved me was not on the agenda of the consultation. It was when George Clark, a person with AIDS, shared with us his visit to his college fraternity. There he told his fraternity brothers that he was gay and that he had AIDS. Quite surprisingly, they accepted him and pledged their support to him. This had not been the response of his local church. He asked us if he would find the same kind of community offered by his fraternity in our local churches. Empowering the Ministry of Reconciling Congregations By Kim Smith and Duane Wilkerson A s pastors of local churches in San Francisco, both Reconciling Congregations, we were deeply involved in the planning and operations of the consultation . The event not only surpassed our personal expectations, but also had a significant impact upon our congregations. B ethany UMC has been a Reconciling Congregation for almost five years. The man who served as our church organist for several years, a beloved and active member of the congregation, was one of the first persons in San Francisco to be diagnosed with AIDS and die. When the congregation adopted two-year program goals in 1987, the first was to educate ourselves about AIDS and equip ourselves for a ministry with persons with AIDS. We looked forward to the consultation as a way of beginning and boosting our local church ministry. This was realized in many ways . First, the consultation provided several members with extensive ~nfo~ation and training. No one in San Francisco has any lllusIOns about AIDS being somewhere else, but it is also easy not to see what is next door to you. The consultation drove home the fact that we are in a prime area for serving persons with AIDS, their caregivers, lovers and families. There was a sense in which we heard, "Yes, it is herewe are here -let's go!" Second, the consultation was a promise from the national church that it would be supportive of our ministries. As a Reconciling Congregation, we stand outside the national church's policy and understanding about ?omosexuality. \The consultation, which had to address ~ssues of homosexuality, sexuality, and ethics as a part of ltS agenda, said to us: "We are interested in the problems that fa~e your community; we want to understand what you are domg and will be doing; in growing ways, we will be there with you." The consultation was also a realization of the slowness of the whole church to respond to the AIDS crisis and did create a national ownership of this confession and commit~ent to action. Bethany is empowered by the unity of our slster and brother United Methodists that evolved from the consultation. We no longer feel that we are absolutely alone in this crisis and struggle. Lastly, the consultation pointed out the glaring need fo~ ~ ~nif~ed a~d ~ignified response to a horrible and tragic cnSlS. In ldentlfymg the need, the consultation made Bethany's response all the more timely and necessary . Knowing that they are part of a greater effort, people are more willing to put in the effort to care for people with AIDS and ARC. We feel supported and thus empowered to reach out, to learn and grow and serve. W hile it is important to separate AIDS from gay/lesbian concerns, for Calvary UMC they were twin births. The impetus to be in AIDS ministry also spawned our decision to begin a formal process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. Five laymembers of Calvary and I worked on a planning committee and attended the consultation. The effect of the consultation cannot be measured simply from what took place at the consultation itself but also from the many months leading up to it. The most obvious effect of the consultation on Calvary was the validation we felt from the national church. We are a small congregation of I 10 members . We can easily get lost in the forest of national issues and concerns. The consultation demonstrated that the work and efforts of local congregations like ours are valuable. Much of the focus of the consultation was on how local congregations are involved in AIDS-related ministries. We are involved in AIDS ministry partly because we believe strongly that it is a justice issue which involves gay men in our community . This tragedy within the gay community of San Francisco, juxtaposed with the apathy of much of our society as a whole, is intolerable to us. Because we are a community of which gay men are a part, AIDS was a "personal crisis" before it became a "national crisis." This sense of outrage expressed over and over again at the consultation reinforced our belief that the depth of our concern was not overexaggerated but was, in fact, based on reality (not to mention being based upon sound biblical themes). Our commitment and resolve to be in AIDS ministry has been bolstered for the long haul. The wonderful connection experienced at the consultation in meeting United Methodists from across the country who are in the same struggle with us further empowered our resolve. Finally, the consultation empowered us at Calvary by doing and being what the church was born to be -a community of God's people that strengthens one another through worship, fellowship, and service. The church's inclusiveness, a mark of the consultation, is a reflection of what being a Reconciling Congregation is about. Mike Alexander is associate pastor of First UMC in Ashland, Ohio. Kim Smith and Duane Wilkerson are pastors, respectively, of Bethany and Calvary UMCs, two Reconciling Congregations. in San Francisco. Open Hands 23 AIDS IN THE CLOSET By Wendy Tate For a person with AIDS, simply coping with opportunistic infections and trying to maintain as normal a life as possible is hard work. Yet many persons with AIDS must wrestle with the additional burden of keeping the nature of their illness asecret. They must be selective in choosing those with whom they speak freely concerning their physical, mental, and emotional health. They must remain silent in public arenas, and their silence stems from fear -fear of rejection by friends and family. " HIV is an equal opportunity virus. Not only does it infect persons in different parts of the world, persons of both genders, persons of every sexual orientation, and persons outside of the originally identified 'high risk groups,' but it infects even persons who may have thought themselves safely hidden away in a closet. ~ Several United Methodist ministers, professional lay workers, and abishop have died of AIDS. Too few of them have felt free to discuss it publicly, to educate and enlighten, or to simply open themselves to the possibility of the support from the wider church. Their lives have become divided into what can and cannot be made public. In most cases, any discussion of how AIDS was contracted has had to be completely avoided. " Perhaps the most tragic aspect of AIDS and the closeted individual (and I am speaking from my perspective as a closeted gay man) is the 'double whammy' of having to deal with a serious, life-threatening disease and at the same time face up to issues of sexual orientation that one thought were safely hidden away from public view. All too often, the . 'coming out' process (or the 'coming to grips' process for those around the individual) takes what limited time there may be, denying the individuals involved the opportunity to actually deal with issues concerning death and dying. This saddens and angers me. Not only does the person with AIDS (PWA) lose the possibility of choosing how to deal creatively with 'coming out,' but also those around the PWA are denied the opportunity to understand, to witness, and to participate fully in the healing process. I have learned some profound lessons about life from friends who have died from AIDS. These persons' ability to reach out and embrace life, even in the presence of their own death, have challenged and empowered me. ~ The combination of "AIDS hysteria" and of social homophobialheterosexism works to drive underground those whose quality of life might be vastly improved if openness and honesty could be achieved. Ayoung woman with AIDS is so frightened that she will share her secret only with her minister, despite the supportive nature of her church family. Bishop Finis Crutchfield died of AIDS yet kept the source of his infection asecret to everyone until his death, leading ,to false assumptions as to how he contracted the disease. A nurse in Alabama whose blood test comes back afalse positive spends four months isolating herself from her family and friends before the mistake is discovered and corrected. Ayoung man, fearfu of the response of neighbors, does not answer the door or go out in the daytime in an attempt to hide Kaposi's sarcoma lesions on his face. Certainly the choice to remain private is avalid one, but doing so out of necessity is another matter -aforced life and death essentially alone. The mental and emotional burden of remaining in the closet with AIDS takes its toll, creating loneliness and isolation and placing an added strain on an already overburdened immune system. The PWA can be isolated from those very persons and groups that might provide help and support. The church could be amain source of support. Many local churches have given tremendous support and enthusiastic help to persons with AIDS. However, many find their own homophobia and AIDS-phobia prevent such reaching out. PWAs perceive both direct and indirect messages from their churches to stay in the closet with their disease. Thus, for aperson with AIDS, the church has effectively distanced itself. " From my vantage point in the closet, I observe that for some closeted persons, the opportunity to become actively involved in AIDS-related ministries has been an important way for them to move past the isolation and frustration in their own closetedness. It has allowed them to reach out to persons in need, persons with whom they share significant common experiences and feelings, yet with whom they feel they cannot openly identify. Also, I would remind you that not all persons who commit themselves to working with PWAs or in AIDS-related causes are closeted gays! Many are in that category, to be sure, but so many more amazing individuals have chosen to give of themselves in the face of this frightening and tragic disease simply because they are needed. The power of their love touches not only those persons with AIDS whom they seek to help. The power of that love can penetrate even the most fortified of closet doors and reach into the darkest corner. I know. ~ Wendy Tate is pastor of Fairmount UMC in Richmond, VA. She worked with PWAs in the Maryland suburbs of Washington, D.C., in 1985-86 and is currently a volunteer at the Richmond AIDS Information Network. The quotations in this article are by a gay UMC clergyman who works in a health and human service agency. 24 Open Hands RESO U RCES P UBLISHED AND AUDIO-VIDEO MATERIALS AIDS and Society Altman, Dennis. AIDS in the Mind of America. New York: Doubleday, 1986. One of the earlier AIDS books and still among the finest. Looks at AIDS as a part of the U. S. consciousness and offers some important insights. Shilts, Randy, And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic. New York: St. Martin's, 1987. A journalist's historical account of the AIDS epidemic. This book is controversial and names names, both of heroes and of supposed villains. Not an easy read, but an important part of today's AIDS culture. AIDS and Spirituality Amos, William E., Jr., When AIDS Comes to Church. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1988. An account by a Florida Baptist minister of his personaljourney, as well as his congregation's, to minister to persons with AIDS in their church and community. Chapter on "Enabling the Church to Respond" contains excellent suggestions for, and caveats about, congregational action. Written with compassion and commitment, not judgment. Fortunato, John E., AIDS, the Spiritual Dilemma. New York: Harper & Row, 1987. An insightful and informative book concerning AIDS from the viewpoint of spirituality. Likens AIDS, and society's response to it, to the Middle Ages . Develops models through which individuals and the church may respond out of understanding and concern. Shelp, Earl E., Ronald H. Sunderland, and Peter W.A. Mansell. AIDS: Personal stories in Pastoral Perspective. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1986. Captures a pastoral insight into AIDS that is usable in local church communities. Includes stories , personal reflection, and responses. AIDS, Children, and Youth de Saint Phaile , Niki. AIDS -You Can't Catch It Holding Hands. San Francisco: Lapis Press, 1986. A letter for children of all ages . Written to "Phillip" from his mother describing what is known and important to know concerning AIDS. Compassionate, informative, and captivating. Quackenbush, Marsha, ed. Teaching AIDS. Burlington, N.C.: Carolina Biological Supply, 1986. An important resource providing curricula and teaching guides towards educating young people about the myths and realities of the AIDS epidemic . Personal Stories Nungesser, Lon. Epidemic of Courage: Facing AIDS in America. New York: St. Martin's, 1986. A collection of insights and interviews by an accomplished writer who himself has AIDS . Offers an important perspective of living with AIDS from the people themselves and their lovers, friends, and care-givers. Peabody, Barbara. The Screaming Room. New York: Avon, 1986. One of several books now available concerning a parent's dilemma in coming to grips with the terminal illness of a child, gay sexuality, and AIDS. The author is also the founder of a parents group concerned with AIDS. Resource Manuals Helquist, Michael, ed. Working with AIDS. San Francisco: University of California, 1987. A guide for mental health professionals that is also useful for lay persons. Articles address every level of people at risk for AIDS/HIV-infection and issues such as people with AIDS/ARC, HIV antibody testing, women, youth, minorities, treatment, and family members and friends. Landau, Jeremy, ed . An AIDS Action Manual. Boston: Alyson, forthcoming (scheduled for fall 1988 release). Written for persons getting involved in AIDS work or interested in seeing "how others have done it" in order to not reinvent the wheel. Divided into five major areas: direct services, education, alternative health, organizational development, and resources. Royalties are dedicated to the National Association of People with AIDS. McKusick, Leon. What to Do about AIDS. Berkeley: University of California Press, 1986. An outstanding collection of insightful articles by professionals involved in AIDS work . Miscellaneous General Board of Global Ministries, United Methodist Church. AIDS: A Healing Ministry. New York: 1988. Drawing on speeches at the United Methodist National Consultation on AIDS Ministries, this excellent 32-minute videotape presents basic facts about AIDS ; puts forth the biblical mandate to develop sound, compassionate AIDS ministries; and discusses fears and prejudices that can impede these ministries. Includes a printed study guide. Order from Ecufilm Distributors, 810 12th Avenue S., Nashville, TN 37203 , 800-251 -409 1. Purchase, $25.00; rent, $12.50; plus postage and handling. Norwood, Chris. A Woman's Guide to AIDS Risk and Prevention. New York: Pantheon, 1987. Deals with the issues of women concerned about AIDS both as care-giv.ers and as individuals potentially at risk. One of the few books on the subject, giving an appropriate response and insight into women and the AIDS epidemic. Serinus, Jason, ed. Psychoimmunity and the Healing Process: Focus on Immunity and AIDS. Berkeley: Celestial Arts Press, 1986. A new-age approach to AIDS , including "trance channeling ." Offers a vital response to the AIDS epidemic that is both insightful and supportive to persons facing AIDS and their loved ones. ORGANIZATIONS AND H OTLINES National AIDS Hotlines AIDS Hotline, U.S. Public Health Service, 800-342-AIDS AIDS Information Line, the Fund for Human Dignity, 800-221-7044 (NY state: 212-807-60 16) National Sexually Transmitted Diseases Hotline, American Social Health Association, 800-227-8922 National Organizations AIDS Action Council, 729 8th St. SE, Ste. 200, Washington, DC 20003,202-547-3101 American Red Cross, AIDS Education Office, 1730 D St. NW, Washington, DC20006, 202737-8300 Mothers of AIDS Patients, c/o Barbara Peabody, 3403 ESt., San Diego, CA 92102, 619234-3432 National AID3 Network, 1012 14th St. NW, Ste. 601, Washington, DC 20005,202-347-0390 National Association of People with AIDS, P.O. Box 65472, Washington, DC 20035, 202-483-7979 National Council of Churches, AIDS Task Force, 475 Riverside Dr., Ste. 572, New York, NY 10115, 212-870-2421 National Council of Churches, Minority Task Force on AIDS, 475 Riverside Dr., Ste. 456, New York, NY 10115,212-749-1214 National Minority AIDS Council, 5882 W. Pico Blvd., Ste. 210, Los Angeles, CA 90019, 213-936-4949 U.S. Publk Health Service, Public Affairs Office, Hubert H. Humphrey Bldg. , Room 725-H, 200 Independence Ave. SW, Washington, DC 20201, 202-245-6867 State and Local Organizations To obtain a list of many state and local AIDS-related organizations, write or phone the National AIDS Network (see above) and ask for the NAN directory, "AIDS Education and Service Organizations." Cost = $10.00 Open Hands 25 ~~~_R_CPRE_PORT__ New Reconciling Congregations We welcome the six UM local churches who have become Reconciling Congregations this spring and early summer. We introduce three of them here. The three who joined early this summerSt. Francis-of-the-Foothills (Tucson), Hamilton (San Francisco), and Wesley (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) -will be introduced in our fall issue. We celebrate this continued growth of our movement, which now has 35 Reconciling Congregations and 5 Reconciling Conferences, to affirm the full participation of all persons in the Body of Christ. Calvary UMC (San Francisco) Calvary celebrated its 75th anniversary as a church on June 26, 1988. It is a multiethnic congregation with 110 members. Calvary has been one of the leaders in the California-Nevada Annual Conference in AIDS ministries. In January of this year, in cooperation with Bethany UMC (another Reconciling congregation), it formed the United Methodist AIDS Project. This project was facilitated by a grant from the Health and Welfare Division of the General Board of Global Ministries. The pastor of Calvary, Duane Wilkerson, is a member of the RCP Advisory Committee. Crescent Heights UMC (West Hollywood, California) Crescent Heights UMC was formed in 1914. Located in an "urban village," the neighborhood is comprised primarily of Old World Jews and lesbians and gay men. Crescent Heights is currently the only mainline Protestant denomination in this neighborhood. The congregation of about 70 members offers its community a ministry of hospitality. Several community groups, including the local Metropolitan Community Church and a Korean congregation, share its building. Currently, Crescent Heights is welcoming a new pastor, Tom Griffith. United University Church (Los Angeles) United University Church was formed several decades ago through the union of University Methodist Church and Old First Presbyterian Church of Los Angeles. It maintains ties with both denominations, alternating jurisdictions every five years. It is just beginning a five-year period of being "United Methodist" with a new pastor, Patricia Farris. Located on the edge of the University of Southern California campus, the congregation includes the campus community as part of its ministry and outreach. The congregation of 60 to 80 members is active in ministries in the sanctuary movement and with peace and justice concerns. The congregation became a "More Light" church (the Presbyterian equivalent of a Reconciling Congregation) three years ago. Annual Conference Actions This year's meetings of the annual conferences of the United Methodist Church resulted in one new Reconciling Conference and a few other actions related to lesbians and gay men. The Wyoming Annual Conference (not in Wyoming, but in northeastern Pennsylvania and southeastern New York state) became the fifth Reconciling Conference. The resolution passed at the Wyoming Conference reads, in part: BE IT RESOLVED that the Wyoming Annual Conference reaffirm the personal worth and dignity oflesbians and gay men and their participation in the general ministry ofthe Church ofJesus Christ; and BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Wyoming Annual Conference demonstrates its commitment to the Christian faith and to the Social Principles by directing its boards and agencies to adopt the policies of nondiscrimination on the basis of sexual orientation; and BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Wyoming Annual Conference calls on all United Methodists within the bounds ofthe Conference to reject in their own lives, and challenge in others, attitudes and actions which drive lesbians and gay men away from Christ and the Church; and ... BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Wyoming Annual Conference urges each local church to develop a statement affirming the full participation of all persons, regardless of sexual orientation, in the life of that local congregation; and BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Wyoming Annual Conference declare itself a "Reconciling Conference," affirming the active participation of homosexuals and bisexuals, as well as heterosexuals, in the life ofthis Annual Conference. A local newspaper, in Binghamton, New York, juxtaposed this action of the annual conference with the recent General Conference actions in an article headlined, "Regional Methodists Break Ranks to Back Gays." Another Reconciling Conference, Troy (in northeastern New York and Vermont), faced a request to rescind its status as a Reconciling Conference voted a year ago. The resolution, as presented to the annual conference, called for the suspension of its status as a Reconciling Conference until a two-year study on what it means to be a Reconciling Conference and its implications for the local church could be completed. After a lengthy and impassioned discussion, the full conference voted to conduct the two-year study but did not vote the suspension. Efforts were defeated in two annual conferences , California-Nevada and Northern Illinois, to implement a conference ban on funding lesbian/gay concerns. The current provision in the Book of Discipline (par. 906.12), which prohibits "funds to any 'gay' caucus or group, or otherwise use of such funds to promote the acceptance of homosexuality," is applicable only to general church agencies and not to annual conferences. As in recent years, many annual conferences passed AIDS-related resolutions. The Eastern Pennsylvania conference adopted a resolution condemning violence directed towards lesbians and gay men. 26 Open Hands __RC_PRE_PORT_~lig Gen eral Conference Maintains Status Quo; Adopts Study The United Methodist General Conference, meeting April 26-May 6 in St. Louis, made no significant changes in its policies towards lesbians and gay men. The ban on ordaining or appointing "self-avowed, practicing homosexuals" and the funding ban on national church bodies were maintained without change. Some editorial changes were made in the Social Principles statement, including adding the phrase "we commit ourselves to be in ministry for and with all persons." However, the objectionable phrase, "we do not condone the practice of homosexuality ... " was maintained. In breaking with past practice, the General Conference did mandate a fouryear study on homosexuality to be conducted by the General Council on Ministries and reported back to the 1992 General Conference. In spite of the lack of official support from the General Conference, members of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns and Reconciling Congregations carried out a lively and faithful witness during the two weeks of the General Conference. The hospitality center was constantly busy with work and visitors. The celebration dinner and AIDS memorial service were very well attended and received. One highlight of the General Conference was the premiere of "Casting Out Fear: Reconciling Ministries with Gay/ Lesbian United Methodists." A roughly edited version of film taken at the convocation of Reconciling Congregations in March 1987 has been shown in many cities around the country over the past year. Now released in its final, polished form, "Casting Out Fear" was shown daily during the General Conference. Word of the video quickly spread around the conference, and a total of 368 persons saw the video and participated in a reflection time afterward. (For information on how to obtain a copy of "Casting Out Fear," see the box on page 28.) A four-page report on General Conference was mailed in May to supporters of the Reconciling Congregation Program efforts there. If you would like a copy of that report, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to: RCP, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, TN 37202. Affirmation Meets in September The semiannual meeting of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns will be September 16-18, 1988, at Albany UMC in the Bay Area of California. All friends of Affirmation and Reconciling Congregations are welcome. For more information on the meeting, write Affirmation, P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204. Index to Open Hands Available A complete index of all articles in the first three volumes (12 issues) of Open Hands is now available. To receive one, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to Open Hands, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. As the Reconciling Congregation Program and Open Hands continue to grow, the need for resources and assistance also grows. Ifyou would like to get more involved in our movement advocating lesbian/gay concerns in the church, write to us or call Mark (202/484-1233) or Beth (6151792-3534). Here are some areas in which we need help now: Co-coordinator of Reconciling Congregation Program -Woman to fill part-time staff position in leadership team of RCP and Open Hands, beginning in the fall. Work includes strategic planning and implementation, grass roots organizing, writing and editing, volunteer recruitment and support, and some fundraising. Must be able to handle own correspondence and filing. Send resume and letter outlining qualifications by September 30, 1988, to RCP address. Sales Manager -volunteer position (4-6 hours a month) to arrange and handle sales of Open Hands through bookstores around the country. May involve a commission in the future. Advertising Manager -volunteer position (4-6 h9urs a month) to develop and propose plan for accepting paid advertising in Open Hands; then to implement the plan, if approved. Also may include commission in the future. Subscription Manager -volunteer position (8-10 hours a month) to fill subscriptions, maintain subscription records, and handle limited subscription correspondence. Most helpful if person lives in Washington, D.C., area. Ifyou don't feel able to handle one of the positions above, but would like to volunteer in any other way, please contact Mark or Beth. Open Hands 27 ~I----~_RC_PRE_PORT_ C -. '1-' Limited Release Videotape Now A"ailable! CASTING OUT FEAR: Reconciling Ministries with Gay/Lesbian United Methodists This videotape poignantly tells stories from Reconciling Congregations, United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministries with all persons, including lesbians and gay men. These stories portray the pain and estrangement lesbians and gay men feel in the church and the hope of reconciliation found in these congregations who are willing to struggle with homophobia and move toward a more loving acceptance. Shot at the national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in March 1987, the film also contains words from Bishop Melvin Wheatley, Dr. Tex Sample, and Dr. Emilie Townes. 38 minutes. VHS format. Copyright 1988. Responses from viewers at the premiere showing at the 1988 United Methodist General Conference: "'Casting Out Fear' will open your heart and mind to fuller love. " -Rev. Patricia Farris, California-Pacific Conference 'This videotape very poignantly describes the feelings I hear expressed byfriends who are unable to be open about their sexuality. " -Phil Carver, Iowa Conference ':.. an eye-opener. This film is definitely Ood's message of reconciliation. " - Rene Pino, "'Casting Out Fear' is a deeply movOregon- Idaho Conference ing film that helped me understand Ood's love better. " -Rev. Arthur Brandenburg, Eastern Pennsylvania Conference '''Casting Out Fear' is an excellent tool for engaging in genuine discussionfor learning, rather than top rove the rightness or wrongness of any particular belief. " -Marcus Dickson, Western Pennsylvania Conference AVAILABLE FROM: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 PURCHASEPRICE -$100 30-DAY RENTAL -$20 ALL ORDERS PREPAID ReconCi mg Metropolitan-Duane UMC do Takayuki Ishii 201 W. 13th Street New York, NY 10011 Washington Square UMC c/o Marty Morrison 135 W . 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC c/o Beth Bentley 6th Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 Calvary UMC c/o Chip Coffman 815 S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 Dumbarton UMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Ave., NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC do Kay Moore 4th and I Streets, SW W ashington, DC 20024 St. John's UMC C/o Howard Nash 2705 SI. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC c/o Sally Daniel 575 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC do Hoyt Hickman 1S02 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Central UMC c/o Chuck Larkins 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 436 10 Wesley UMC c/o Barry Watson 823 Union Avenue Sheboygan, W I 53081 University UMC c/o Steven Webster 11 27 University Avenue Madison, WI S3715 Wesley UMC c/o Tim Tennant-Jayne Marquette at Grant Streets Minneapolis, MN 55403 University UMC do Dave Schmidt 633 W. Locust DeKalb, IL 60115 Wheadon uMc do Carol Larson 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Albany Park UMC do Ted Luis, Sr. 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625 Irving Park UMC do David Fos~r 3801 N. Keelet Avenue Chicago, IL 6004 1 Kairos UMC c/o Richard Vogel 6015 McGee Kansas City, MO 6~113 ongregatlons St. Mark's UMC c/o David Schwarz 11 30 N. Rampart Street New Orleans, LA 70116 St. Paul's UMC do George Christie 1615 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218 St. Francis-of-the-Foothills UMC c/o P. David Wilkinson 4625 E. River Road Tucson, AZ. 85718 United University Church do Edgar Welty 81 7 W. 34th Street Los Angeles, CA 90007 Crescent Heights UMC c/o Walter Schlosser 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue W. Hollywood, CA 90046 The Church in Ocean Park do Judy Abdo 235 Hill Street Santa Monica, CA 90405 Wesley UMC c/o Patty Orlando 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Fresno, CA 9371 0 Bethany UMC do Rick Grube 1268 Sanchez Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Hamilton UMC do Judy Kreige 1525 Waller Street San Francisco, CA 94117 Calvary UMC c/o Jerry Brown 1400 Judah Street San Francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC c/o Arron Auger 152 Church Street San Francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC do Elli Norris 2320 Dana Street Berkeley, CA 94704 Albany UMC do Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706 Sunnyhills UMC c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC do Dianne L. Grimard 101 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688 WaJlingford UMC do Margarita Will 21 15 N. 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103 C~'OIHiliUMC c/o ary Dougherty 128 SI teenth Street Seattle, WA 981 12 Reconciling Conferences California-Nevada Troy New York Wyoming Northern Illinois 28 Open Hands Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 4 No 1 - Living and Loving with AIDS https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/e539ac239f3856cb4993c3909d91f1e3.pdf 029e987241b881022d4dbf9aa539d537 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 4 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1988 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Text Any textual data included in the document ~1syour heart true to my heart as mine is to yours? .. Ifit Fall 1988 is, give me your Vol. 4 -No. 2 hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program Raising.---------~---~I Reconciling • ~,~ren The Godfathers ............ 3 by Mary Beth Danielson & Leonard Lamberg Ministry for the 10 Percent .. 6 by Ann Thompson Cook SPECIAL SECTION: Activities for Children ... 11 Loving My Gay Dad ....... 20 by Elizabeth Bowman V ol. 4 • NO. 2· Fall 1988 Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local church s who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In t his network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, incl ud ing Open H ands. Resource persons are a ailable locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling congregation~ Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators George Bob Mary Jo Osterman Typesetting and Graphic Design Linda Coffin Leanne Poteet Other Contributors to This Issue Elizabeth Bowman, James Brock. Ann Thompson Cook. Mary Beth Danielson, Gregory Dell, Roger Gil keson, Elizabeth Huesemann, Leonard Lamberg, Jeffrey Mahon. Todd Schuett, Nancy Swedlund Open Hands (formerly Manna for the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $4 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: (JpMHands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Copyright 1988 by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Cay Concerns, Inc. ISSN 0888-8833 Contents 1'1 hildrearing has never been easy. Neither has growing up. And to'-.I day, when many of the guidelines that have traditionally been used for parenting and being a child no longer seem adequate, both of these tasks may be harder than ever before. Yet they are still important. For parents, raising children not to be susceptible to society's many prejudices can be particularly difficult. In "The Godfathers" (p. 3), Mary Beth Danielson and Leonard Lamberg discuss why they are determined to raise their son and daughter to be nonhomophobic and what special challenges they face in their efforts. Ann Thompson Cook explores how the church can help parents in this endeavor in "Ministry for the 10 Percent" (p. 6). Homosexuality can pose a variety of challenges for parents and children alike. James Brock relates his experiences and difficulties as a teenager in reconciling his Christian faith and emerging gayness in "Gay, Christian, and Growing Up" (p. 8), while Elizabeth Huesemann puts the needs of lesbian and gay adolescents into professional perspective for parents and other adults (" 'Please Listen to Me,' " p. 9). In addition, Nancy Swedlund discusses "Mothering: One Lesbian's Story" (p. 10), and Elizabeth Bowman talks about "Loving My Gay Dad" (p. 20). Children and adolescents can find sexuality in general-and homosexuality in particular -touchy subjects to deal with, as Todd Schuett discovered with a Sunday school class he teaches. He tells us how the teenagers in his class feel that "Gay Is Okay (for Someone Else)" (p. 18). Young children -with their innate senses of fairness and empathy can show us all the hope of a future church and society where homophobia is no longer common. Gregory Dell in "The Children's Word" and Roger Gilkeson in "Loving the Different Ones: Three Children's Stories" (p. 15) share with us children's sermons on love and fairness that they have used in their churches. We also offer special ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN ("Opening the Closet Door," p. 11) with guidelines, activities, and discussion material for opening communications with children about homosexuality; this section was developed by George Bob, Leonard Lamberg, and M. Burrill. RESOURCES (p. 21) offers books on sexuality and homophobia for adults, young adults, and children. The RCP REPORT (p. 22) includes information on the ecumenical movement of local churches that welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Sexual Ethics 2 Open Hands e s odfat e I f you could see our toddler son right now, you would see mischievous, dancing blue eyes lighting up his rosy, round face. You would see his irresistible, irrepressible, toothy little smile. He has muddy shoes, sandy socks, filthy overalls, a damp diaper, and hands that are sticky from the popsicle he just mangled, slurped, and wiped on the cat. We adore him. We have given him heartfulls of love, too many toys, umpteen books, and two gay godfathers. It would be a lie to tell you we gave our son those particular godfathers because we want him to be "nonhomophobic and politically correct." Nothing about parenting is that cut-and-dried. That's what makes the whole subject of "raising a nonhomophobic child" so difficult. Not that it isn't important. It's just that everything about raising a child is important, nothing about child rearing is a sure thing, and it all happens a lot faster than we ever imagined! For several reasons, it is important that adults like us try to raise children who are free from homophobia. First, the attitudes toward gay men and lesbians we give our children today will largely shape the attitudes of society tomorrow. We have an obligation to the world not to perpetuate its homophobia. Second, for those of us who are Christians and parents, our faith and sense of justice demands that we challenge homophobia ourselves and teach our children to do so as well. We must help them understand and internalize that gay men and lesbians, like all humans, deserve love and respect; that gayllesbian love, like all human love, is to be cherished; that the gayllesbian community is a special and vital part of the human community. Finally, we want our children to grow up free. Homophobia, like any prejudice, twists and cramps with fear and hatred the lives of those who hold it. Unaddressed, it is a danger and a burden that keeps children from growing into whole adults. What's more , we want those of our kids who will mature into their own homosexuality to do so without the deadening constraints of shame and guilt. For all these reasons, we must address this issue if we care to parent our children in truth with love. This task is not likely to be any easier now than it was when we were growing up. Schools, media, and the ordinary people in their lives -relatives, friends, and neighbors -will continue to perpetuate homophobia. It is likely that we will have to purge unexamined relics of old prejudice in our own psyches. The task will be difficult, but if we really love our kids, we will try. We will try because we have dreams for our children. We can almost imagine a society in which the challenge of one's life was simply to grow up to be one's self. Imagine if girls didn't all have to be "sugar and spice and everything nice ," but it was okay if some were (our mystifying four-year old daughter among them). ( continued) by Mary Beth Danielson and Leonard Lamberg Open Hands 3 (continued) Imagine if young boys didn't have to carry live snakes and snails in their pockets to prove their incipient manhood, if it were simply okay for some boys to be bored by ball games, that disinterest in these activities was not a threat to their entire identity within this society. Imagine if the challenge of adolescence was to use one's mind and heart and not simply one's sex organs. Imagine what it might be like if all of us -heterosexuals and gay/lesbian persons -trusted each other. The dream is worth the work. I t is difficult to be a liberated person even in this society -the United States -and this time -the late 1980s. (It boggles the mind to imagine what folks of other nations or eras had or have to go through.) We may want to assume that freedom from want, fear, and hatred are givens. But we know they're not. Prejudice and violence permeate this society. The reality of homophobia is everywhere. Dealing with that reality without losing our dream is one of the most important lessons any adult can give any child. The first issue with which we must deal is simply that a lot of people want things to stay the way they are . They continue to believe -in spite of all evidence -that homosexuality is a "threat to the family". "What kind of parents are they," such people ask, "who allow 'homosexuals' to be involved in their children's lives?" We can and do counter with true, witty, and/or angry responses. Still, it is important for us to realize that sometimes we are going to lose the approval of people we care about. People such as our own parents and siblings, our co-workers and friends. We have to acknowledge this so we don't lose sight of our dreams when it happens, so we can respond with courage, truth, and grace. The second part of this lesson is even more frightening. "What kind of parents are they," these same people say, "who set their own children up for ridicule?" Make no mistake, taking a stand on homophobia does earn us criticism. We can probably stand that. But knowing that our children will suffer, too, is difficult. Most of us know how awful it can feel to be regarded as weird, un-American, "wimpy" -because we believe in and act on human rights. How can we expect kids to deal with this? It would probably be a good idea to raise children in an environment where occasionally recordings by Holly Near or Pete Seeger or some other woolly, wild, tuneful, radical singers are played too loudly on the stereo. Where the parents, who might not be very good singers or dancers, lip sync and dance their hearts out anyway. We are only half joking here. The point is that there is no demure and tasteful way to raise liberated children. Liberation, by its very nature, is about breaking out, being tough enough to act on one's tenderness . Homophobia is one of the most deeply entrenched prejudices of civilization. We are not going to free children from its snare by quietly telling them it isn't nice. We have to show them, by our 4 Open Hands own loving, reckless attitude, that it is okay to be different, that sometimes it is necessary to be regarded as nuts. Christians should be used to this. Our faith is about following -being "fools for" -Christ. We were never promised this would be a comfortable or seemly business. We were promised that Christ would accompany us as we accompanied, ministered to, and learned from the put-upon, ostracized, unjustly treated people of this world. This is what we are about. Most people agree that the family (however it is defined) is a powerful institution. Yet we who are the parents raising the next generation of humans, seem to be mostly conservative, tradition-bound, nervous, and unimaginative. We worry about the most trivial things -whether Johnny will keep his clothes clean, whether we should sign Susie up for dancing classes or piano lessons. Our world revolves around whether our teenagers clean their rooms and get Bs or Cs in high school chemistry. We have created this family and yet all we do with it is the niggling, nagging maintenance work of human life. Here we are, leading and directing our piece of one of the most powerful institutions of civilization , and all we want is to make no waves. Except that maybe making waves is what growing up is all about. The littlest child (believe us, we know what we're talking about here) craves to know he or she can influence his family, her world. So what better gift can we give our growing children than the heritage of a family that says right along that it is okay to be weird and act out? What finer heritage can we pass on than that of believing in causes and acting on them? " In Dan's death we saw the love and servanthood of Christ. This is what we want for our son to grow up to see, understand, and make part ofhimself if he can. " Maybe the most important thing we can do to raise nonhomophobic people for the next generation is to allow and encourage the development of their strong egos now. They are going to need them for this and all their other struggles. We tell this to ourselves every day when our son adamantly and insistently demands to pull all of the Tinkertoys out of the basket, when he insists on playing with stones under the back porch instead of nice, clean blocks in the house. We usually let him "get his way." These things are inconvenient for us but, we believe, necessary for him. He learns that he has a lot of power and influence in this family. We imagine-there are people who think we are "spoiling" him by "letting him get away with so much." Though we also notice that what most people do comment on about him is how calm and happy he always seems to be. That when we say no (albeit, in that certain tone of voice only parents get), he surprisingly often stops what he's doing (plugging the cat's tail into the light socket) and obeys. We have heard of a child development expert who, when asked what the magic three words of child rearing were, replied, "Example, example, example." We think about that a lot. We try to avoid stereotypes of how men and women act. Often this is inconvenient. We take turns driving the car, doing the laundry, accompanying our daughter to preschool picnics, playing ball with both kids. We admit when we are struggling with a task or an issue. We try to let them know that being an adult does not mean we have gone on "automatic pilot," that things are still difficult and yet worth struggling over (like writing this article). M aYbe these suggestions seem removed from this issue -trying to raise children free from homophobia. Lots of people want their children to have strong egos. Lots of people want their children to see their parents struggling to be free from stereotypes. How, you may ask, do you actually go about the work of convincing children that homosexuality is okay? You don 't. You do your best to raise strong and empathetic children. Then you make sure there are gay and lesbian people in your family life . You let their love, their stories, and their integrity become part of your children's lives. Most of us did not come to liberation because we believed this was the "correct" way to think. Most of us became friends with people and then discovered they were gay or lesbian. Fears and stereotypes crumble during ordinary human exchange. The process worked for us; it can work for our children as well. And you talk. You talk about stereotypes and fears kids pick up from society. One is that homosexuals are child abusers. You explain that this is a myth and that, if they believe it, they are going to lose valuable friendships and are going to be more vulnerable to anyone who might be a heterosexual abuser. You help them think about what it might feel like to be regarded as a criminal before someone even knew them. Kids worry about AIDS . You explain (you bring up the subject if they don't) about unprotected sex. You explain, once again, how a stereotype could kill them if they think avoiding gay people is the way to protect themselves from the disease. There is a theory that homophobia causes promiscuity. People (especially teenagers) who are afraid of being gay, or of having other people think they are, might engage in multiple sexual encounters to prove to themselves and to others that they are straight. Responsible parents talk about homosexuality as a legitimate alternative. They tell their children that nothing is proved by such promiscuity except the frightened immaturity of the person involved in it. And they remind their children that promiscuity paired with unsafe sexual practices, not homosexuality, is one of the risk factors for AIDS. As for language, we believe that attitude is more important than purity . Even the youngest children soon pick up the derogatory anti-gayllesbian terms. Maybe the key here isn't to respond with anger, to simply forbid such language in our homes (though we can demand that, too). Start with consciousness raising. Let children imagine what it would feel like to be slurred and slandered. Imagine if the very core of their being was an epithet to someone else. Remind them of this constantly. Kids are sensitive to name-calling, and they'll understand this well. They are facing considerable homophobic pressure in their lives from other kids, teachers, the media. In fact, it is important for parents to realize just how deeply children do feel. Don't demand perfection. Empathy isn't something any of us learned overnight. We nag, remind, continue to examine their world with them, in the hopes that they will grow to be authentically free adults. Now back to our son. Sooner or later, he is going to notice that he has two godfathers. He's going to ask about that. We've been practicing our reply. "They made us an offer we couldn't refuse!" In all seriousness, we are going to tell Max why we love and respect Otis and George. We will begin by explaining our beloved, mutual friend, Dan, who died of AIDS the spring after Max was born. We will tell Max of how Otis and George took care of Dan. How they dealt with the endless, irritating red tape of insurance and finances. How they helped coordinate Dan's medical care. They drove him to appointments, washed his dishes, arranged for a housekeeper. They were the ones who called Dan's mother and helped her around the city when she came to visit. And in the end, with his mother, they stayed with Dan as he died. We had always all been friends, but in Dan's death we saw the love and servanthood of Christ. This is what we want for our son to grow up to see, understand, and make part of himself if he can. Christianity isn't something one straight guy in a long robe preaches at all the rest of us as passive listeners. We believe that the truth and meaning of faith evolves when the community of believers gathers to talk, serve, and worship our God. Ifwe exclude certain Christians from the church, our understanding of faith will be diminished. We believe that our son will grow up all the better because of his loving godfathers. Our family is richer for them. We believe every family that takes up the challenge of opposing homophobia will end up stronger for the effort.• Mary Beth Danielson is a contributing editor for The Other Side and is cowriting a book with five other women for publication infall 1989 by the Chicago Collective. Leonard Lamberg is a creative editor for an advertising agency and has worked on several national ad campaigns aimed toward children. They have two children and are members of Wellington Avenue United Church ofChrist in Chicago . Open Hands 5 • Ministry for the by Ann Thompson 10 Percent Cook One lazy New Years' Day during a gathering of neighbors, as a father and I were watching 10 young boys playing football, I commented casually that, statis tically, one of those boys was surely gay. No way to tell which one, but what would it be like for him and for the others? The father turned and looked at me, amazed. Since then, I have had many such conversations, and they inevitably continue long beyond the day they begin. There are, of course, some people whose minds are closed. But in my experience, many people are hungry for information that they simply don't have access to in the nonnal course of their lives. "You say 10%? I had no idea!" "Why are people lesbian/gay?" I tell you this because I cannot write an article about "children's sexual development and the church" without thinking about the families that children are growing up in. Whether or not parents actively disparage homosexuality, they rarely consider it a possibility for their children or the other children they know. That is a powerful context to grow up in. Sexuality education is needed in the church, not just for children but for the whole community. We need to identify the insidious messages that make us all afraid to be ourselves --and deliberately search for alternative, affirming messages. First, let's define sexuality as being everything that has to do with being male and female: how we grow and change over the years, how we view our bodies, how we relate to each other, how we reproduce, how we are alike and different in appearance and behavior, and who we are as women/men, girls/boys. Sexuality includes intimacy, which has to do with our ability to trust another person. to become known, to share, to show affection and caring, to reveal ourselves honestly. Sexuality includes being sensual, which has to do with how we accept our bodies, the way we feel pleasure, the image wt: have of ourselves, what we know about our bodies, how willing we are to take care of them, our comfort with touching and feelings . And sexuality includes identity and orientation. Our sexual identity has to do with who we are as female/male, how we behave, and what we let the world see about ourselves as female/male. Our sexual orientation is what we feel inside whether or not we make it known outwardly -including fantasies, dreams, and attractions. We all know that there are many ways to be intimate, sensual, and male/female. There are also differences in the "objects" of our affection, as we develop loving relationships. Some of us are attracted to people who are tall and fair; some to people who are short and stocky. Some of us are attracted to men, some to women, some to both. So, we are all unique sexual beings. Our sexuality -and the ways we experience and express our sexuality -develop and change over the years from infancy through old age. As children grow, their experiences in their families, churches, and schools deeply affect their ability to explore and affirm their own sexuality. At age 6, my son discovered that he had little access to arts and crafts at summer day camp because he was in the boys' group, and "boys prefer sports." At age 8, he chose to drop out of a ballet class he loved because some children were taunting him for being a "ballet boy." For a science fair project, a girl in his 6th-grade class secretly documented the ways that teachers involved the boys more than the girls during math lessons. Clearly, children are still given powerful messages about who they can be as males/females, how they can express their maleness/femaleness. By the time children reach puberty, their opportunity to explore their own sexuality is limited indeed. No single message, however, is more powerful than the "rightness" of heterosexuality and the "wrongness" of homosexuality. On school playgrounds all over the country, children use the words fag , dyke, homo, and lezzie as the ultimate putdown. Rarely does anyone intervene. Yet many young people have strong sexual response feelings toward both males and females. For some, the sexual feelings toward members of the same sex will taper off or disappear, and they will learn that they are predominantly heterosexual. For them, adolescence is a time to explore at least their heterosexual feelings and to learn to develop intimate connections with others. 6 Open Hands They experiment with many styles of being themselves -coy, loud, strong, tearful, effusive, passive, sweet, obnoxious, silent. dominant. They discover great tolerance for publicly displaying their (heterosexual) affections in school halls and public streets. They learn by trial and error what they like in another, what others like about them, the difference between being turned on and loving someone, and so on. Other young people, who learn that they are predominantly homosexual, find it extremely difficult to test themselves out in these various ways. A central aspect of their sexuality has been labeled perverted. Their opportunity to be accepted by their peers depends on successfully hiding their true selves, on keeping their orientation secret. Add to this dilemma the overt gay bashing (verbal and physical harassment) that is tolerated and frequently encouraged in schools and other parts of the community, and you can begin to imagine what gay, bisexual and lesbian youth experience. Even if no one "suspects," even if the harassment is directed toward others, such youth must learn to cope with an atmosphere that explicitly and continually condemns who they are. If people do find out, the reactions are often intense. Youth from all walks of life -racially, socioeconomically, geographically -are suddenly disinherited, given one-way tickets and told to leave home, physically abused, and publicly humiliated. We now have evidence that such youth comprise 30 to 50% of the young people who are out on the streets. They comprise a significant proportion of the youth who are at risk for dropping out of school, abusing drugs and alcohol, developing eating disorders, becoming pregnant, and committing suicide. How hard it is to feel good about yourself when you are constantly told that you are "trash." Churches today have a unique opportunity -indeed, obligation -to support all children in developing a positive sense of their own sexuality. We can provide information and establish ourselves as a resource for children to come with questions. And we can give a different message than children get elsewhere: We can broaden the definition of "family" to include same-sex partners and "single" persons of all ages. v We can talk about bodies as beautiful gifts of creation, to take care of and use wisely. We can affinn that people come in all shapes and sizes and sexual orientations and develop continually, each in his/her own way -all of which are okay. And we can clarify, as Bishop John Spong l has done so eloquently, that we consider expressions of sexuality that enhance life good, those that dim inish life, evil-whether they occur in heterosexual or homosexual relationships. As people ofGod , our goal is to move beyond the "evil" in relationshipsexploitation, intimidation, manipulation, abuse -and to develop relationships characterized by nurturing, caring, and support. " The most compelling counterpoint to homophobia comes when lesbian, bisexual, and gay people are free to share all of who they are with the congregation, including the children. " In matters of sexuality, our actions do speak loudly to our children. Sexuality education is much more than what we say. The example we set is critical, and everyone is involved -not just the Sunday School teacher and pastor. but everyone in the church. It is time for all of us to examine our congregational "life" together and consider what messages are being sent. What are children learning from the games we play, the skits we put on, the songs we sing, the stories we tell? Do we accept or do we challenge homophobic put-downs? Do we assume that the children will grow up to marry, or do we leave their options open to their own self-discovery? Finally, we must remember that persons who don't know they know lesbian, bisexual, and gay persons are the most likely to fear homosexuals. We can and must give explicitly positive messages about homosexuality. But the most compelling counterpoint to homophobia comes when lesbian, bisexual. and gay people are free to share all of who they are with the congregation, including the children. In the process of being such a church together -whether we are singing, putting on plays, decorating for Christmas, studying the Bible, serving the community -we, and our children, can learn about and grow to accept and celebrate our unique selves, whoever we find ourselves to be .• John S. Spong, Living in Sin?: A Bishop Rethinks Human Sexuality (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1988). © ) 988 Ann Thompson Cook Ann Thompson Cook, sexuality educator and author. has written And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue about the Church and Homosexuality, a booklet to be published this fall and distribllted by the Reconcilillg Congregation Program. She is a member ofDumbarton UMC, a Reconciling COIlgregation in Washington, D.C. Open Hands 7 V ian and Growing Up by James Brock T he most difficult problem created by my homosexuality was to deal with the religious beliefs -I was raised with. Dealing with these were harder than the years of being called names, the years of being rejected by my peers, and the time spent trying to regain the understanding of my family. My religious roots are both Pentecostal and Baptist. Either of these alone would have been enough to have caused me severe mental problems, but the two combined, with my homosexuality on top of it all, makes me wonder how I actually did manage to make it this far with any feelings for God intact at all! I accepted most of the rules and ideals set forth by both of these denominations. I taught Bible school, Sunday school, led the singing for both the children's and adult church services. I understood the idea and concept of such practices as "Ye must be born again" and speaking in tongues while in prayer. It was made perfectly clear in both of these churches that: 1. Yes, homosexuals existed. 2. Homosexuals were damned to eternity in hell. 3. Homosexuals had no place in society. Of course, I never asked about homosexuality, or even connected what they were talking about with the fact that I was sexually attracted to other males. I always thought of homosexuals as old men who walked poodles on rhinestone leashes and wore make-up. I never thought, dreamed, or realized that there were, or ever had been, homosexuals who were my age. Since my first sexual awareness at about age 10, I knew that I was sexually excited by men. Not until about the age of 15 did I begin to realize that the people [ had heard damned time and time again, the people my religious leaders saw as such destroyers of morality, and I, were the same. I was one of them. It both angered and frightened me. It frightened me as I now thought I was doomed to hell. It angered me because I felt that all of the church work I had done had been done for nothing and that somehow God had let me down and allowed my soul to be taken by the devil. I tried to change myself. I prayed every day to have a sexual feeling for girls. I prayed that I would start liking sports. I prayed that I would stop watching sports just so I could look at the guys. But no change ever came. Religion had been my lifeline, my stronghold, the one thing I was good at. On the ball field I was always the last picked for all of the teams. Then I would proceed to lose the games by dropping the pop-fly/easy-out ball. Not purposely; I just could not get into the spirit of the games. And after years of verbal abuse I had no desire to try and improve my gamesmanship. But in church! I was a whiz at leading the songs, helping with the offerings and communion, teaching. And now I felt that I no longer had anything I was "good" at, and that I was no longer loved and protected by a God I had devoted my life to. My prayers had always been my secret solace, and now I felt I was just talking to the wind. For over five years, although I still remained active and involved in my church programs, I was only going through the motions. I still believed in God, but I had no real feeling that God believed in me. I was 20 years old before I found the feeling of God's love again. I was just finally accepting my sexuality, and facing the fact that, while I was going to Hell, life was still going on. I decided to confide my woes to my best friend. I had grown up with him and trusted him; besides, I could no longer hide my feelings about my sexuality and needed a release. To my utter astonishment, he in tum told me that he also was gay and had been dealing with these same problems of "God rejection." I was more fortunate than most in having this happen to me as my friend was able to introduce me to a very wise and wonderful pastor who opened my eyes, and helped mere-open my heart. Together he and I read the Scriptures which had plagued my life. He pointed out that each of them could be read to say what anyone wanted it to say. He showed me how beliefs differed from religion to religion. And that it was my accepting what people had been saying rather than accepting the feeling of love and peace I had felt before that was causing my pain and feeling of excommunication from God. As he said, I had been given life by God, and these feelings were a part of the Whole Me that God had created. After talking with him I began to realize that I had allowed my life to change and be ruled by mere bigoted ideas and ignorance. I was still the same person I had always been, and God loved me as much then as he did when I was 10. It was such a relief to know that I could be a Christian who was gay, rather than just accepting the fact that I was gay and trying to be a Christian. Religion and religious beliefs can be as strong as the sexual urges facing an adolescent -at least in my case they were. The question of whether or not to have sex is one thing, but the dilemma of wanting a type of sex for which you are told there is no forgiveness by God can be devastating. It is hard enough to deal with the taunting, the jeers, and being ostracized by your peers. But when your religion, the one and only security you have come to know, turns you away, the hollow emptiness cannot be filled in any way. It is unfortunate that everyone is not as understanding and caring as the person I was able to talk with. It is also unfortunate that by the time most young people discover their own sexuality, be ther gay or straight, their religious mores and values are 8 Open Hands pretty well set in. To someone talking with a young gay person who is confused with the conflicts of their religion and their sexuality, I would suggest that they convey the fact that they were created and loved by their God before they became aware of their sexuality and that that has not changed. What has changed are the sexual values and feelings in their lives. They must try to take the time to understand that they, like every other person who has ever lived, must deal with their religious feelings first of all within their own soul. Then, as I mentioned before, they must read their own Scriptures, and find that these can be read in many different ways, and that they must read and apply them to their lives as a person who is first and foremost a Christian, Jew, whatever, and then be a homosexual. It is in this manner that I regained the spiritual part of my life that I thought was lost forever. I am hardly a theologian , or a student of the seminary. I am a 24-year-old college student. My lover is 21, and devotion and worship of God has been an important part of our relationship for the past three years. Maybe my ideas and story are meaningless to most, but if they can help even one person to avoid the torment that I faced, then they have accomplished something . • Reprinted with permission from One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth, edited by Ann Heron. Copyright 1983 by Alyson Publications. Inc., Boston, Massachusetts. "Please Listen , toM by Elizabeth Huese:rnann Describing the situation faced by families who find that a son or izations such as the one I work for -Horizons Community Services in Chicago-are arising in cities across the United States to provide safe places for gay. lesbian. and bisexual youth. These agencies exist to help these youth tal . bout themselves in an open, accepting environment. By sharing their feelings and experiences, they can enhance their self esteem and emotional growth. For the first time, they can experience being who they are and can begin to love themselves. One of the you t h group members at Horizons wrote the following after talking about his parents: daughter is homosexual is difficult. Envision two loving people untouched in their personal lives by homosexuality and then confronted with it in a child they have raised. To the child, who has found the courage to reveal this hidden facet. it has been too much an integral part of his or her life to remain a secret or covered with lies any longer. But to the parents, homosexuality is likely to be unaceeptable. an unnatural state to be feared and -r- rejected. Their child can't be gay or lesbian but merely going through some bizarre stage of rebellion. They are unprepared to tn at I am still yo set aside the negative attitudes held by society to listen in an atto hear 1. l.L tempt to empathize with this now alien person. PLEASE LISTEN TO Many gay males and lesbians become aware of their atson. I traction to persons of the same sex at or before the time of pu- 1..----t'...--}J1- E and see and feel that berty. They frequently panic, feel ashamed, and hide from friends, family, and other adults in their lives. They have no Q d n't am loveable~.~~~one to talk to and feel lonely and alone within every sociaJ situation. They feel afraid to show friendship to a same-sex friend for -~~-;oclety to take yOU fear of giving away their sexual orientation. They lack access t information about homosexuality, including roJe models. Bewatch and yOU__ - cause of this, they believe the stereotypes they have heard about from me=..:-'~_-~-----homosexuals and. if they are male, worr that someday they 's no -will see that there_~ might end up molesting children or wearing dresses. Many deal with their secret through drugs and alcohol, suicide, and run--. g a child -..---. shame in haVln___ ning from the home. Homosexual adolescents are just as worthy as heteroWh~ eroea sexuals, and their needs need to be addressed and acknowl_ __-TI-edged. They need to be heard and loved. Fortunately, organ.- chance. -, EliztIbeth Huesemann is youth group director at Horizons Communir)' Cemer. , I - Open Hands 9 Mother-og: One Lesbian's Story Jewels Graphics Sa rita Johnson • am a lesbian and a mother of three children -a son, age 24, and two daughters, 17 and 13. Weaving these two aspects of my life together is a continual challenge. My children were born into a heterosexual marriage that lasted 17 years. I came out as a lesbian about a year and a half after I left my husband. At that time, my son was 18 and living with his father in another state, so he wasn't directly involved in my coming out. My daughters were 9 and 5 and were very much involved in the changes in my life. It was never an issue with me whether I would be "out" to my daughters. It had taken me six years to begin to learn who I was, and I was not about to go back into hiding in my own home and with my own family. And, in fact, my older daughter figured out what was going on almost as soon as I did! We were attending a church where there were a number of lesbians, and where gay and lesbian issues were quite openly talked about. My daughter put two and two together pretty quickly and asked me if I was lesbian. I simply answered her honestly. That was six years ago. During that time, we have struggled a lot with what my lesbian identity means to me and to my daughters and with how it affects our lives. Several factors have supported us in this struggle. My being an active feminist for several years before coming out helped to lay important ground work. I have tried to raise my children to question gender stereotypes, to respect people for who they are, and to value women's relationships with women. I think this helped make it easier for them to accept my lesbian identity. I by Nancy wedlund We have also been fortunate to be part of a number of supportive communities. We attend a predominantly heterosexual church where we are fully supported as a lesbian family. This has been immensely important to us, giving us a place where being lesbian or gay is accepted as normal and positive, countering many of the negative stereotypes that my daughters pick up elsewhere in their lives, and giving us a place where we can be open about our lives. I have also been part of a community of friends who have been important role models for my daughters. We have shared camping weekends, 4th of July picnics, and women's music concerts, and my daughters have come to know lesbians as strong women who love and support each other. Last summer we went to the Michigan W omyn' s Music Festival together, and my daughters found there the same sense of freedom and safety in women's community that I have found. I trust they will carry these positive experiences of relationships among women into their adult lives. • don't mean to paint an overly rosy picture. We certainly have had, and continue to have, our difficulties. When I was in relationship with a woman for three and one-half years, we had all the problems of other stepfamilies, with the added concern of "how do I explain this to my friends?" I find it very difficult, on the one hand, to tell my daughters that I believe being lesbian is normal and good and, on the other hand, to tell them, "this is probably not something you want to share with your friends." There have been resentments about "why does my mother have to be that way?" And, as my daughters have entered into their teen years, they have raised questions about my ability to understand their interest in boys. One of the most difficult things for me has been sorting out I what are "normal" parent-child issues and what problems are due to living in a family that is "different." I know I' ve had to make compromises for the sake of my children. I would undoubtedly be more open about my identity if I didn't have them to protect. I want not to make my life too much of a burden on them, and so I am particularly careful about my identity in our neighborhood. I keep my lesbian literature carefully confined to my bedroom. I am now single and don't know if I would enter into another live-in relationship while my children are at home. It's very difficult to know where to draw the line between my freedom to be myself and my daughters' very understandable need to fit in among their friends . What I try to do is find some kind of balance between including them in my life and respecting their lives. • n spite of the difficulties, I really feel I have given my daughters something of value by being open with them about my identity. I hope, first of all, that I've given them the model of accepting myself as I am, and encouraging them to discover and accept who they are. I see signs that they've learned some things about tolerance, prejudice, and the unfairness of stereotyping. They know , as I certainly never did, that they have more than one option for expressing their sexuality, and hopefully that will help them find and accept what's right for them. And I trust that they will carry into their adult relationships the images they've received of women who value themselves as women, and who value their relationships with other women, whatever form those relationships may take. I Nancy Swedlund is a member 0/ Wheadon UMC. a Reconciling Congregation in Evanston. Illinois. She is a graduate o/Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary and volunteers with Kinheart. Inc. She has been involved with/eminist theology and spirituality and lesbian issues. 10 Open Hands ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN • Ope ng the or Asparents and caring persons, we need to take seriously our responsibilities for opening the closet door and eliminating homophobia. This involves special effort to face our own homophobia and to enable the next generation to break free from similar attitudes and prejudices. One key to unlocking such attitudes is the process of enlarging our views of humanity to include the vast diversity that is present. This means recognizing gay and lesbian as two among many human differences. A part of this effort to counter homophobia also includes encouraging people, especially in churches and within families, to talk with one another more openly about love, sexuality, and gay and lesbian people. Thefollowing activities (as well as many books in RESOURCES on page 21 of this issue) are starting points for discussions with children. Do an activity together, or let children proceed on their own but follow up with discussion. The best learning is experience reflected upon . Encourage their questions, and be open about your own as you explore these aspects of humanity and our relationships. Our community has many different kinds of people and many different kinds of helpers. Helpers come in many different colors, speak different languages, eat different kinds of foods, and show their love in different ways. Helpers can be women or men; some are lesbian or gay, and some are not. In the pictures to the right , match the hats with the helpers at work. Draw a line between them. Think about each helper and how they help others. Firefighters put out fires and save lives. Some firefighters are lesbian or gay people. Nurses take care ofyou when you are sick or hurt. Some nurses are gay or lesbian people. Football players can be lesbian or gay; maybe they'll win the game! Police officers will help you if you are lost or ifyou need to cross a busy street. Some police officers are gay or lesbian people. (jor kindergarten and early elementary age children. A parent or teacher needs to read instructions and talk about the activity with the children.) Things to Talk About: • What are some ways people are different? [hair, eyes, size, color skills, gender, handicapping conditions, whom someone loves ... ] • What are some ways people are alike? [Feelings -happy, sad, angry, hurt, love ... ] • How do you think God feels about people being different? Open Hands 11 (for early and middle elementary children) (for elementary children) Things to Talk About: . Have you ever been called a name? How does it feel? Has anyone ever made fun of you? How does that feel? Have you ever heard people make fun of gay or lesbian people? Why do you think people do that? How do you think the gay person feels? • Do you know any lesbian or gay people? How do you think God feels about them? . How do you think Jesus would have acted towards a lesbian or gay person? ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN ~~ ,. A ~ ~ ~~~~ ~~ ~,~~~,'~~~,~~ Loving makes the world a happier place. When we share hugs with people we care about, that's called being affectionate. Being affectionate helps us all feel loved. There are many ways to show affection. Can you think of some? There are many kinds of loving relationships where people show affection to one another. The people in this church maze are all separated. They would like to be connected. Take a pencil (a colored pencil would be even better!) and draw an "affection connection" from each person to one or two others in the church. ~ ~.,. ~ ~~ ~~~,~" Qualities are things that people have that we can't see -but they're as much a part of the way we are as our faces or our fingerprints. Qualities are the inside parts of people that make them special. You have qualities, your friends have qualities, gay and lesbian people have qualities all people have qualities. However, sometimes qualities are hard to recognize when we're not looking for them. In the puzzle below, some important qualities are hidden. When you find a quality, draw a line through the letters. You might find the words spelled forwards or backwards, up or down, or on a slant, some may even share a letter, but they will always be in a straight line. The first one, TRUSTING, is done for you. When you have found all the qualities, circle the leftover letters -they should spell out another word for a gay or lesbian person. S E N 0 H H 0 R B R A V E C A S P E S M A M H P T C N R S Y 0 R U S E 0 X F N A N L 0 V G L E L T N E The qualities are HONEST, BRA VE, LOVING, GENTLE, HAPPY, STRONG, FUN, TRUSTING, NICE, CARING, SHY, SMART. ·7Vn X:3S0WOH ll<Jds S.l<JJ}<J/ 8U.lU!VUl<J.l <Jlf.L 12 Open Hands ••• A CTIVITIES FOJl £JJJJJJJI~ NEEDS OF AN AVERAGE CHRISTIAN PERSON: 1. _____________________________ 2. _____________________________ 3. _____________________________ 4. _____________________________ 5. ____________________________ 6. ___________________________ 7._____________________________ 8. ____________________________ 9. ____________________________ 10. ________________________ Imagine for a moment an average Christian person. Make a list of the basic things that person would need to be a happy person. Include both physical things (food, shelter, etc.) and emotional things (need to be loved, need to be accepted, etc.) How many can you think of? Now imagine for a moment a gay or lesbian person. Make a list of the basic things that person would need to be a happy person. Again, list both physical and emotional. How many can you think of? NEEDS OF A LESBIAN/GA Y PERSON: 1. _____________________________ 2. _____________________________ 3. _____________________________ 4. _____________________________ 5. ____________________________ 6. ____________________________ 7. ____________________________ 8. ____________________________ 9. ___________________________ 10. __________________________ (for older elementary children or junior high youth) Things to Talk About: • How are your two lists alike? How are they different? Why? • Have you ever been afraid of someone who is different than you 'are (someone in a wheelchair, someone who speaks a different language, someone much older than you are, someone gay or lesbian ...)? What did you do to deal with that fear and become comfortable with that person? What advice would you give to someone who is afraid of lesbian or gay people? • How many different people can you name whom you could go to to ask any questions you have about homosexuality? (Did you think about parents, church youth group counselors, teachers, nurses, ministers?) • How do you think someone who might be dealing with the question of homosexuality would feel sitting in on this discussion? Open Hands 13 ACTIVITIES FOR CHILDREN This section can be given to young people directly or used by parents and adult leaders to help them know how to answer questions that are asked. In addressing homophobia when dealing with young people both the subtle and the direct need to be utilized. Use the direct by sharing activities and discussions like those suggested here. Use the subtle by being aware ofhow we speak and the attitudes we convey about a variety of related issues. For instance, when talking with youth about dating relationships, do we always use "opposite sex" or do we use more inclusive terms like partner. By our word choice, do we leave the door open for inclusion and acceptance ofgay, lesbian, and bisexual people and relationships? Do we speak only of homosexuality as a problem, or do we include it in our general discussions of sexuality as part of the normal range of human behavior and emotions? We convey much by what we say, how we say it, and what we omit. Words are powerful transmitters of our values and attitudes. We must consciously change those transmitters ifwe are to open the closet doors for our succeeding generations and raise accepting and open children. What does homosexual mean? A homosexual is a person, male or female, who is attracted to someone of his or her own sex. Another tenn for homosexual is gay. Women who are homosexual usually prefer to be called lesbians. FAIRY, FAG, DYKE, FAGGOT, LEZZIE, QUEER, HOMO ... I've heard these words. What do they mean? These are all impolite tenns for homosexual or gay and lesbian people. Some refer usually to men: fairy, fag, faggot. Some refer to women: dyke, lezzie. Some refer to either: homo, queer. Often these words are used as insults to hurt others who seem different. Name-calling is a cruel way to make others unhappy. Why or how do people become gay? Can they help it? There are lots of theories, but scientists don't really know for sure. All that can be said for sure is that some people are basically attracted to the same sex. Being around lesbian and gay people will not make a person gay or lesbian. You are who you are, and no person or event can suddenly zap you into something else. How do homosexuals make love? Two women or two men make love in much the same way a man and a woman do. They can be tender with one another, touch every part of the body, kiss , hold hands, and use every other fonn of sexual relating that a man and a woman can, except they do not have sexual intercourse by inserting a penis into a vagina. If lesbian or gay people raise a child, will the child be gay too? Usually not. There is about the same possibility for the child of a gay or lesbian parent to be gay as for the child of a nongay parent (one out of every ten). Is it okay to be attracted to someone of the same sex, or will it hurt you? It will not hurt you . Some people are attracted to the opposite sex , some to the same sex, and orne to both sexes. However, certain people who don't approve of homosexuals are sometimes very cruel to them, so many gay people tend to be very private about their personal lives. Do homosexuals still have the same sexual body parts? Yes. Can I catch AIDS from being around gay and lesbian people? NO. First of all, most gay and lesbian people do not have AIDS. Second, AIDS is NOT passed by just being near an infected person. Body fluids (blood, semen, ... ) must be passed from one person to another (like in sexual contact or sharing drug needles) to pass the disease. If you have other questions, ask a parent, teacher, pastor, or another adult friend. The only dumb question is one that is NOT ASKED . • George Bob is curriculum director for a Catholic High School and has recentLy impLemented AIDS education with instruction in Health and Religious Education classes. Leonard Lamberg is a creative editor for all advertising agency and has worked on severaL natiollaL ad campaigns aimed toward chiLdren. M . Burrill is co-editor of Open Hands and is a director of Christian education. Background i~formationfor these activities is taken from Let's Talk about Sex and Loving by Gail Jones Sanchez with Mary Gerbino (Burlingame , Calif.: Yes Press, 1983) and Talking With Your Child about Sex by Dr. Mary S. CaLderone and Dr. James W. Ramey (New York: Ba/laline Books, 1982). 14 Open Hands Start with the children -where they are, who they are. Start with the faith -what it is, how it is. T hat, I think, would be the advice I would share for approaching the "children's word" on any topic . But it's even more important advice for approaching topics around homosexuality, the "scary" issue (to parents and other adults more than to children, usually). I move to the time for the children's word each Sunday with a few presumptions. First, it is the children's word, not just the Word to children. What they say, how they feel, what their experience has been, what they think -all are important sources of insight for understanding God's word. Second, it is the Word. That is, I try to reflect the themes of the adult sermon and the scriptures for the morning in the themes of my part of the children's word. Third, just as children are sometimes excluded de facto from the adult sermon -because of its vocabulary, length, or complexity -so too, it's fine to have the children's word a time for the children alone. In our congregation, the children in the sixth grade or younger are invited forward, while everyone else is encouraged to register their attendance, pray, and read over the scriptures for the morning. Then the microphone is turned off. All of this makes it more of a special time for the kids . Given that setting and understanding, what do I say, what do I do with the issues surrounding homophobia-heterosexism and homosexuality? First, I welcome any new children, and we all introduce ourselves. Then, I begin by asking the children, "Whom do you love?" The responses are, without exception, a wonderful menagerie of people, animals, foods, places, things, and God (sometimes, I suspect, because they know that this is, after all, church!). I try to have a bag of some toys and dolls representing the variety they might suggest. As they call them out, I pull them out of the bag. Then we talk about what ways it's okay to be loved and what it's okay to love. Their ideas and mine are often pretty close. Greg: "How do you like to be loved?" Children: "With hugs." "By people being nice and sharing." Greg: "Any bad ways to be loved?" Children: "Grandpa is too rough sometimes. " "Grown-ups tickle too much sometimes. " "If people want you to do things you shouldn't do, that's a bad way." Greg: "I think that's right. OK, now how about what we should love?" Children: "It's okay to love lots of things, except bad things." Greg: "Like?" Children: "Like things that hurt people, like guns or bombs." Greg: "But it's okay to love other things. " Children: "Sure!" Greg: "How many of you like boys? (show of hands) How many like girls? (hands) How many like some boys and some girls? (hands) Do you think that's okay? (kids usually nod) I do too. I think so does God. T That's why God made so many wonderful things in so many wonderful ways. For instance, we all may love lots of people, but we usually love some people in very special ways: our parents or sisters or brothers or best friends. That's okay too. As we grow up , we will probably keep loving special people in special ways. Adults do that too. A woman and man may decide they love each other in a very special way and decide to get married. A woman could also decide that she loves a woman in that special way. Or a man could decide that about another man. Some boys, as they get closer to being adults, fi nd that they like boys more. Some boys find that they like girls more. Same with girls. Sometimes as people are growing up they find that they might like boys sometimes and girls sometimes -all in that special way. Some people think all of that is silly or even bad. They don't understand how someone (continued) e by Gregory Dell Open Hands 15 ~~ ~Child.ren's ~~Word ( continued) could love someone in a special way who isn't the same kind of person they love in a special way. You know what? I think all the special loves are okay! And I think God thinks so too! The most important thing is that all of our loves be caring and loving loves, not hurting loves. Those are the kind of loves that God wants for us. That's why God made so many different and wonderful people in so many different and wonderful ways -just like you!" With that, I ask the children if they have any questions or last things they want to share. I try to respond as honestly and completely as I can. Even if a child is way off the topic, it's sometimes important to hear at least a little piece. Then, I count "One, two, three!" and all the children say a loud, corporate, and hopefully heartfelt "Amen ." P arents or other adults sometimes ask what the children and I talk about. I usually encourage them to ask one of the children. For this topic and some other more sensitive ones, I like to let the adults know about my approach and to encourage their feedback both beforehand -about how I propose to work with the kids -and afterwards -how they think the children received the experience. All in all , my experience with doing children's words on this issue in two congregations has been positive. Being in a congregation that is at least willing to grapple with the issue on the adult level is, of course, a prerequisite. But the guiding principles I've tried to suggest above are just as important. Children are real people who have just as much variety (if less anxiety about that variety) as adults have. We have a responsibility to share God's Word with them on this issue and on any issue that may have an impact on their lives. May God's grace go with us as we try! • Gregory Dell is pastor of Euclid Avenue UMC in Oak Park, Illinois. and has written for engage/social action Qnd the Methodist Federation for Social Action. Prior to his appointment to Euclid Avenue UMC, he was pastor of Wheadon UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in EVQnston, Illinois. Euclid Avenue is now in the process of considering becoming a Reconciling Congregation. 16 Open Hands Loving the Different Ones: Three Children's Stories By Roger Gilkeson Children's stories, told by members of the congregation, are a regular feature of Sunday morning worship at Dumbarton UMC in Washington, D.C. We have some wonderful story tellers at Dumbarton, so it was with some trepidation that I agreed to tell my first story several years ago. As I look back on that first meeting with the children ("This Little Light of Mine"), I realize that the stories I told had a connection to my later decision to open up more to members of the congregation about my homosexuality (see my earlier article , "Opening Closet Doors," Open Hands, Spring 1988.) In these stories -there have been about six now, of which three are highlighted below -I developed several themes: we are all equally worthy in God's sight; not fitting in with the majority might be a blessing in disguise; and people want to be known by their individual names, not some label that fixes them abstractly in a particular group. "This Little Light of Mine" The children had learned this song in Sunday School, and the idea was that I would talk about it with them and they would sing it while I accompanied them on the piano. It was Epiphany Sunday, so the theme was especially appropriate . As a child, I had been inspired by this little song, linking it in my mind with the biblical injunction not to hide one's light under a bushel, as well as the Parable of the Talents (don't bury them). I began by having the children close their eyes and experience darkness, then open them and look for images of light in the church building -the light streaming through the stained-glass windows, the candle light, even the exit light. Then we talked about the words of the song: "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine!" We discussed what kind of "light" the song referred to. I asked if they thought that children's lights and adult lights were the same size (yes); if people in other countries had different-sized lights (no); if rich and poor people's lights were different (no). I asked what kept peopIe's lights from shining (hunger, fear, anger). I quickly sensed that the children knew -they were really teaching us adults about an innocent desire to see everybody as equal, with lights ready to shine to make the world a better place. When they sang the song, joined by the whole congregation, I glimpsed a bit of what the church could be for the dispossessed among us. "Rudolph. the Red-Nosed Reindeer" This was a rather humorous story based on the familiar Christmas song. I told it during an Advent service in which the children were dressed as clowns (to be featured in the annual children's Christmas pageant). I dressed as a clown myself, purposely leaving off my red nose, which I wanted to tie in with Rudolph's story at the end. I asked the children why the other reindeer "used to laugh and call him names." They answered quickly: "Because he was different." Then I asked how they thought that made Rudolph feel. With little hesitation or prodding from me: "Hurt." "Left out." "Angry." ( continued) could love someone in a special way who isn't the same kind of person they love in a special way. You know what? I think all the special loves are okay! And I think God thinks so too! The most important thing is that all of our loves be caring and loving loves, not hurting loves. Those are the kind of loves that God wants for us. That's why God made so many different and wonderful people in so many different and wonderful ways -just like you!" With that, I ask the children if they have any questions or last things they want to share. I try to respond as honestly and completely as I can. Even if a child is way off the topic, it's sometimes important to hear at least a little piece. Then, I count "One, two, three!" and all the children say a loud, corporate, and hopefully heartfelt "Amen ." P arents or other adults sometimes ask what the children and I talk about. I usually encourage them to ask one of the children. For this topic and some other more sensitive ones, I like to let the adults know about my approach and to encourage their feedback both beforehand -about how I propose to work with the kids -and afterwards -how they think the children received the experience. All in all , my experience with doing children's words on this issue in two congregations has been positive. Being in a congregation that is at least willing to grapple with the issue on the adult level is, of course, a prerequisite. But the guiding principles I've tried to suggest above are just as important. Children are real people who have just as much variety (if less anxiety about that variety) as adults have. We have a responsibility to share God's Word with them on this issue and on any issue that may have an impact on their lives. May God's grace go with us as we try! • Gregory Dell is pastor of Euclid Avenue UMC ill Oak Park. Illinois. and has written for engage/social action and the Methodist Federation for Social Action . Prior to his appointment to Euclid A venue UMC. he was pastor of Wheadon UMC. a Reconciling Congregation in Evanston. Illinois. Euclid Avenue is now in the process of considering becoming a Reconciling Congregation. 16 Open Hands Loving the Different Ones: Three Children's Stories By Roger Gilkeson Children's stories, told by members of the congregation, are a regular feature of Sunday morning worship at Dumbarton UMC in Washington, D.C . We have some wonderful story tellers at Dumbarton, so it was with some trepidation that I agreed to tell my first story several years ago. As I look back on that first meeting with the children ("This Little Light of Mine"), I realize that the stories I told had a connection to my later decision to open up more to members of the congregation about my homosexuality (see my earlier article, "Opening Closet Doors," Open Hands, Spring 1988.) In these stories -there have been about six now, of which three are highlighted below -I developed several themes: we are all equally worthy in God's sight; not fitting in with the majority might be a blessing in disguise; and people want to be known by their individual names, not some label that fixes them abstractly in a particular group. "This Little Light of Mine" The children had learned this song in Sunday School, and the idea was that I would talk about it with them and they would sing it while I accompanied them on the piano. It was Epiphany Sunday, so the theme was especially appropriate. As a child, I had been inspired by this little song, linking it in my mind with the biblical injunction not to hide one's light under a bushel, as well as the Parable of the Talents (don't bury them). I began by having the children close their eyes and experience darkness, then open them and look for images of light in the church building -the light streaming through the stained-glass windows, the candle light, even the exit light. Then we talked about the words of the song: "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine!" We discussed what kind of "light" the song referred to. I asked if they thought that children's lights and adult lights were the same size (yes); if people in other countries had different-sized lights (no); if rich and poor people's lights were different (no). I asked what kept people's lights from shining (hunger, fear, anger). I quickly sensed that the children knew -they were really teaching us adults about an innocent desire to see everybody as equal , with lights ready to shine to make the world a better place. When they sang the song, joined by the whole congregation, I glimpsed a bit of what the church could be for the dispossessed among us. "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" This was a rather humorous story based on the familiar Christmas song. I told it during an Advent service in which the children were dressed as clowns (to be featured in the annual children's Christmas pageant). I dressed as a clown myself, purposely leaving off my red nose, which I wanted to tie in with Rudolph's story at the end. I asked the children why the other reindeer "used to laugh and call him names." They answered quickly: "Because he was different." Then I asked how they thought that made Rudolph feel. With little hesitation or prodding from me: "Hurt." "Left out." "Angry." I told the children that I had wondered why Rudolph hadn't run away after being treated so badly by his friends. In searching for an answer to this question, I told them I had finally located Rudolph's diary. I discovered in the diary that Rudolph had hung in there -to grow up to be the greatest reindeer of all -because he had gone to his parents and told them how badly he felt. And his parents, in addition to being loving and warm, had reminded him of the song he had learned in reindeer Sunday school -you guessed it: "This Little Light of Mine." His mother suggested that Rudolph's little light must want to shine so much that it was trying to come out through his nose! And so, I explained, a reassured Rudolph, with his shiny nose, became the leader, lighting Santa's way through the fog so that the presents could be delivered on Christmas. Then, in sympathy with Rudolph, I put red grease paint on my nose. I quietly offered to add the red nose to other children who wanted it, including a baby who smiled as I touched her tiny nose. The main point of "Rudolph" was that feeling different and rejected could ultimately lead to awareness of a talent that would later blossom forth to be wonderful ("The last shall be first.") For the child who might be gay or lesbian -or has some other quality that separates him or her from the rest-that is something he or she really needs to hear. When you don't fit in and feel you have to hide, you gain relief from knowing that others have had to struggle with feeling different and have somehow triumphed. The lesson for the others might be simply that it hurts to call other people names. The symbolic identification with the rejected Rudolph by choosing to wear a red nose gave another meaning to the story: what would happen if people chose a symbolic identification with those that had been rejected as different? Labels Continuing the theme of namecalling begun in the Rudolph story, another Sunday I brought in stick-on name tags. I explained that these were called "labels" and were useful for identifying each other's names. We all wrote our names on the labels and stuck them on so we could call each other by name. I explained that sometimes I cover up my own name by thinking badly about myself. I wrote the word "Stupid" on another tag and covered up my name tag with it. I wasn't "Roger"; I was "Stupid." I showed how difficult it is to separate the two labels, which were well stuck together. This is what happens when we don't remember who we really are. It's hard to let our lights shine when we cover up our selves with bad feelings . And it can be equally hurtful to others when we label them. We cover up their names by thinking of them as simply part of a group. We call them "fat," or "homeless," or "enemy." "And if I don't know your name," I added, "I think of each of you as some little kid, rather than as the special, individual, and important person each of you is. If you don't know my name, you think of me as just 'that man with a beard. '" (One little boy David -surprised me at this point by exclaiming, "That's true !") "So let's remember what labels are for," I said. "They're for helping us learn each other's names, not for sticking people into groups that keep us from knowing them as real people, people with names like us." A s I talked with the children, telling them these stories, I was impressed by their instinctive sense of fairness. When given a choice, they always picked the simple answer of empathy with the other. In "This Little Light," for example, they intuitively sensed that everyone -the plain and the fancy, the rich and the poor -all have lights the same size, just waiting to shine. And perhaps more important, they understood what keeps their lights from shining, whether it be physical (hunger) or mental (fear or anger). They also identified with Rudolph -we all feel like outcasts at one time or another -and understood his feeling left out Uust as gay/lesbian people sometimes feel left out). In "Labels," they quickly grasped the idea that kids are just kids until we call them by their names, and then they become special, personal, real Uust as gay and lesbian people are just "homosexuals" until we know them in their complexity and fullness as individuals). These concepts, deceptively simpIe, are at the heart of the struggle, I feel, for acceptance of gay people within the church. It is the innocence of children, their innate sense of fairness and empathy with the powerless, that we need to nurture. The themes of my stories, I realize in retrospect, are ones the child in me wanted and needed to hear again. Telling the stories helped me clarify my own ideas about fairness, about being different from the majority, and about being accepted as a whole person. They were both an outlet for me -a way to express myself and my ideas to the children and the adults in my congregation -and a means by which I was unconsciously healing something in myself. Adults could hear the themes -all related to nonjudgmentallove and God's grace -and easily relate them to specifically gay/lesbian concerns. Children, I hoped, would simply find some positive meaning in their lives as they grow up in a world of pressures to conform and fears about being different. • Roger Gilkeson is an editor at the National 111stitutes ofHealth. He lives in Washington. D.C.. and is a member of Dumbarton UMC. a Reconciling Congregation. Open Hands 17 r,w bout no single topic do adolescents know so much (jJII and yet so little as homosexuality. Likewise, about no other sex-related topic do adolescents want to discuss so much and yet so little as homosexuality. It is approachavoidance: they want to talk about it, but they don't want to appear interested in it. At various points in history, homosexuality has been considered the noblest of all loves, a gift from God, the most heinous of sins, the grounds for execution, and a psychological condition. But what do adolescents think? What are their images of gay men and lesbians? How do they feel about friendships with lesbians and gay men? What sort of value judgments do preteens and teenagers place on homosexual relationships? These questions were going through my mind as I began interviewing groups of junior high school students within the context of three sessions of a Sunday school sexuality course. The eight adolescents involved were children of members of a small, liberal, Protestant, social activist church located on the north side of Chicago. This church, which also houses a Metropolitan Community Church parish, is open and affirming of homosexuality. Groups, instead of individuals, were interviewed in order to create an interactive atmosphere among the adolescents. The group size ranged from three to six individuals. Ages ranged from II to 14. Each session started with a general question to elicit attitudes and images of homosexuality. We used role playing and situational problem-solving to bring out individual feelings about homosexual relationships and friendships. The interviews were informal. I told the groups I was interested in their honest and candid thoughts. I sometimes gave them a scapegoat, to keep their responses genuine, by asking them what their "friends" thought. These adolescents became very quiet when the conversation turned to homosexuality. At the same time, they were very interested in who was gay. They wanted to know names and how I knew them and if I was gay. Their curiosity was almost feverish, as if they were starved for any information -all the while checking themselves to not show too much interest. Their curiosity spotlights one truth about this culture: no one wants to talk to youth about homosexuality . By the time they have reached puberty, adolescents have developed many of their ideas and images of homosexual people. They "know" how a gay man dresses, talks, walks, and acts. How do they know? As one young woman put it, "Well, you just know!" An adolescent is much like a corporation with many stockholders. Each of the stockholders -friends, parents, teachers, church, radio, television -seeks to maintain an influence on one or more divisions of the corporate adolescent. Occasionally these stockholders fight among themselves for controlling interest in the life of the corporation. On rare occasions, they work together. The two most powerful stockholders of the corporate adolescent are usually the peer group and the television. Both of these have a strong effect on an adolescent's attitudes toward homosexuality. Yet, in the area of stereotyping gay men, television is the major stockholder. 18 Open Hands The predominant stereotype was the Michael Jackson motif. Masculine men such as athletes were definitely not gay. Feminine men were definitely gay. When articulating her image of a homosexual person, one 12-year-old girl said, "Sort of like Michael Jackson; you know, a guy who has long hair and a high voice and walks like a woman." In the minds of many of these youth, gay equaled feminine. This stereotype played itself out in interactions with supposed homosexuals. One 13-year-old boy spoke of another boy his same age whom he suspected of being gay. "He always got real close to you when he talked to you ... and he touched you on the arm like a girl would ... and he was always saying 'Hi,' (a long, drawn out, and breathy 'hi'). He was weird." If a male's body language , voice, or gestures contained anything smacking of femininity, an adolescent automatically thought of him as gay. The feminine gay man was a negative stereotype -especially for the adolescent boys. Their tone of voice and posture indicated disapproval-though none of them ever said "I don't like gays." The adolescent girls, however, did not seem to care much one way or the other. My theory was that the stereotypical gay man was an implicit threat to an adolescent boy's developing masculinity. They felt threatened because their own sexuality was untried -or, if tried, unconfirmed. Television and peers have told them that gay equals feminine, and male femininity is weird. And very few adolescent boys respect weird . The youth I interviewed did not stereotype lesbians. None of them could think of any lesbians they knew -either their own age or adults. They operated on the assumption that when one is talking about homosexuals, one is talking about men. I continually redirected the interviews to include lesbians. Only one adolescent, a 13-year-old girl, verbally acknowledged the existence of lesbians. Most all the attitudes toward lesbian women were the opposite of attitudes toward gay men. When asked if they might consider a friendship with a lesbian, each said that would be okay. However, a few boys had indicated that they would probably never have a gay friend. What makes a lesbian an acceptable friend but not a gay man? What became clear during the interviews was that youth are not as opinionated about lesbians as they are about gay men. Lesbians are an unknown category, a mystery. The boys feared two things from gay men: assault and AIDS. While we were discussing what their friends thought about gay men, one 12-year-old boy remarked "My friends don't mind it, but they say they want to stay away from it. ... They are afraid of being assaulted." The articulation of this fear denoted a disturbing image ofgay men: an image of the dirty old man hanging out near the school yard. Within the minds of some adolescents, a reasonable fear of assault or molestation from a stranger has become an unreasonable fear of all homosexual men. This fear is further compounded by AIDS. When asked if knowing a person was gay might make a difference in how they interacted with that person, most of the youth said "No." A few said "Yes," their reason being that they didn't want to catch AIDS. Their reasoning was very straightforward: gay men are the primary carriers of AIDS, and, if one has contact with a gay man, one can contract AIDS (supposedly by shaking hands or breathing the same air). I told them that AIDS cannot be transmitted through casual contact but through an exchange of body fluids. They acknowledged that I was correct. But I got the feeling I had missed the point of their reasoning, that something bigger was going on. For those who fear, assault and AIDS are symptomatic of a greater, more diffuse fear: homophobia. Although the adolescents I interviewed expressed a number of negative attitudes toward homosexuality, they made it very clear that "Gay is okay." One 13-year-old boy, when referring to friends he had made through the Metropolitan Community Church, said, "They're normal people too!" He seemed only slightly surprised that gay men didn't act like their television versions. Another 14-year-old boy said he could interact with gays on a normal level without feeling the slightest bit of unease. Most of the adolescents agreed that the environment of their church led to an accepting attitude. None of them placed a value judgment of "bad" or "wrong" on homosexuality. As one adolescent put it, "A gay is a gay." But these youth made it clear that homosexuality was not for them. After acknowledging that gay and lesbian people are normal, one 13-year-old boy added, "But I'm not going to get in love with them or anything. " Adolescents have a need to assert their own sexuality. Because their sexuality is untried or unconfirmed, it is a supposed sexuality. They might grudgingly accept gay men and lesbians, but they do not w~n~ to ~e thought of as gay. In the minds of many adolescents, It IS gUilt by association. In addition, youth cannot fully affirm lesbians and gay men because the media and the friends consider it deviant or weird. Perhaps adolescents would like to fully affirm and accept homosexuality, but no one tells them how to do it and still remain socially acceptable. dolescents are a delightful jumble of dualisms and contradictions. They are asked to make sense of a culture and a society that doesn't know how to make sense of itself. Television portrays a negative stereotype; their friends and the media instill the fear of assault and AIDS, and all the while adolescents know of few positive role models or people to talk to about homosexuality. These particular you th are doing well to express any accepting attitudes, especially when they are given little help in formulating these attitudes. They don't know how to express their interest -but they want to talk about homosexuality. As one 12-year-old girl said, "If I know who they are, I can see how they act, and then I can see that they are normal people, too." • Todd Schuett is a seminary student at the University of Chicago. He teaches a teen Sunday School class at Wellington Avenue United Church of Christ in Chicago. where he is an intern. Open Hands 19 Loving My Gay Dad by Elizabeth Bowman I don't remember when I was first told my father was gay. I do remember I had lots of questions. I didn't know what gay meant or why my dad was gay until I got older. A few times I used to wish it was all a dream and when I woke up it wouldn't be there, but it always was. Learning to ask questions helped me to understand it more. My dad was very helpful. I could always ask him anything, but a lot of the time I was too embarrassed to ask or tell him anything. My mother was also extremely supportive. She saw my sister Rachel and me through times we thought things like, "Maybe he doesn't love me because I'm a girl." Most of my dad's friends are really nice, and they don't act differently than anybody else. I've only told two of my friends, because most other kids in my class think the first person they see walking down the street who looks the slightest bit different is gay. Ifsome of them found out, they'd think , "Her father's gay so she must be a lesbian," or "Since her father is gay she probably has AIDS." I don't mean that that should bother me, but it does. The two friends I have told do understand, especially Melanie. They don't treat me any differently than they ever did, but they watch so they don't say anything offensive. We don't talk about my dad much, but if they ever have questions, usually they ask. All people have different ideas. Sometimes I read or hear that talk about gay men and lesbians being against God. I believe God created and loves all people, including lesbians and gay men. I don't know if I'd be different if my father wasn't gay, but now I know I'm not prejudiced. My father being gay has helped me see people for who, not what, they are .• Elizabeth Bowman is in the eighth grade at St. Stephen's School in Cleveland. Ohio. 20 Open Hands RESOURCES BOOKS FOR ADULTS C hild Rearing Carmichael, Carrie. Non-Sexist Childraising. Boston: Beacon, 1977. Describes what it means and how to raise children in a nonsexist, anti homophobic environment. Pogrebin, Letty Cottin. Growing Up Free: Raising Your Child in the '80s. New York: McGraw-Hill, 1980. Well-written book on nonsexist child rearing . One chapter discusses "Homosexuality, Hysteria and Children: How Not to Be a Homophobic Parent." Pollack, Sandra, and Jeanne Vaughan, eds. Politics of the Heart. Ithaca, N.Y. : Firebrand Books, 1987. Stories, poems, and music by lesbians for a variety of uses, including parenting and games for children. Children ofLesbian/Gay Parents Gantz, Joe. Whose Child Cries: Children of Gay Parents Talk about Their Lives. Rolling Hills Estates, Calif.: Jalmar Press, 1983. Children in five families talk about what it is like to be raised in households with lesbian or gay male parents. Hanscombe, Gillian E., and Jackie Forster. Rocking the Cradle -Lesbian Mothers: A Challenge in Family Living. Boston: Alyson, 1982. Includes discussion of how children feel about growing up with lesbian mothers and the special implications of lesbian motherhood. Schullenburg, Joy. Gay Parenting. Garden City, N. Y.: Anchor PresslDoubleday, 1985. A guide to help lesbians and gay men with the special challenges they are likely to face in parenting. Educating about Sexuality and Homophobia American Friends Service Committee. Bridges of Respect: Creating Support for Lesbian and Gay Youth. Philadelphia: AFSC, 1988. Provides basic discussion of homophobia in the context of working with young people. Good bibliography of publications, organizations, and other resources. Available for $7 .50 from AFSC, 1501 Cherry Street, Philadelphia, PA 19102. Bell, Ruth, and Leni Ziegler Wildflower. Talking with Your Teenager: A Book for Parents. New York: Random House, 1984. Discusses how to improve communication on all aspects of parent/teen relationships, including lesbian/gay concerns. Human Rights Foundation, Inc. Demystifying Homosexuality: A Teaching Guide about Lesbians and Gay Men. New York: Irvington, 1984. Excellent educational resource to help teachers and counselors teach students about homosexuality. Interracial Books for Children Bulletin. Double issue on "Homophobia and Education." Vol. 14, nos. 3&4, 1983. Discusses homophobia and its relationship to sexism and racism and how education of children and youth can help challenge all these forms of prejudice and fear. Planned Parenthood. How to Talk with Your Child about Sexuality: A Parent's Guide. Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday, 1986. A detailed book to help parents teach children about sexuality. Chapter on "The Top Seven Questions" includes homosexuality. BOOKS FOR YOUNG ADULTS Fiction Brown, Rita Mae. Rubyfruit Jungle. New York: Bantam, 1973. An impoverished teenage girl in the South comes out to herself and her friends. A classic. Futcher, Jane . Crush. Boston: Little, Brown, 1981. A friendship between two girls in boarding school blossoms into romantic attraction. Garden, Nancy. Annie on My Mind. New York: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1982. Two female New York high school students meet and fall in love. Novel presents two lesbian teachers as role models. Selected by the American Library Association as among the Best of the Best Books for Young Adults, 1970-1982. Hobson, Laura Z. Consenting Adult. New York: Warner, 1976. A teenager comes out to himself and his mother; written from the mother's perspective. Miller, Isabel. Patience and Sarah. New York: Fawcett, 1976. Two women live with -and fall in love with -each other in 19th-century New England. Winner of American Li brary Association's Gay Book Award. Snyder, Anne. Counter Play. New York: Signet, 1981. A novel about two high school football stars -one who is gay and one who is pushed to choose between protecting his West Point scholarship and standing by his friend. Nonfiction Alyson, Sasha, ed. Young, Gay, and Proud! 2d ed. Boston: Alyson, 1985. A landmark book addressing the needs, problems, and general invisibility of lesbian/gay youth. Bell, Ruth. Changing Bodies, Changing Lives: A Book for Teens on Sex and Relationships. Rev. ed. New York: Random House, 1987. A guidebook for young adults with good discussions of homosexuality, including samesex relationships and ways that homophobia hurts heterosexuals as well as gay/lesbian people. Fricke, Aaron. Reflections of a Rock Lobster: A Story about Growing Up Gay. Boston: Alyson, 1981. A gay teenager's moving and humorous story about growing up and going to court for the right to take a male date to his senior prom. Heron, Ann, ed. One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth. Boston: Alyson, 1983. Youth in the United States and Canada talk about the joys and struggles of discovering their gay/lesbian sexualities. BOOKS FOR CHILDREN Fiction de Paola, Tomie. Oliver Button Is a Sissy. San Diego: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1979. Oliver Button is made fun of because he prefers dancing school to football . Severance, Jane. When Megan Went Away. Chapel Hill, N.C.: Lollipop Press, 1979. A young girl deals with loss, anger, and loneliness when her mother and her mother's female lover separate. N onfiction Blank, Joani, and Marcia Quackenbush. A Kid's First Book about Sex. Burlingame, Calif.: Yes Press, 1985. Chapters cover such topics as "Your Body," "What Is Sexy," and "Being Together." "Partners" explains that people can have sexual feelings for persons of the same or opposite sex. B6sche, Susanne. English translation by Louis Mackay. Jenny Lives with Eric and Martin. London: Gay Men's Press, 1983. A weekend in the life of a Danish girl who lives with her father and his male lover. de Saint Phalle , Niki . AIDS -You Can't Catch It Holding Hands. San Francisco: Lapis Press, 1986. A book for children about AIDS, including discussion of the HIV virus, the disease, and people who have AIDS. Drescher, Joan. Your Family, My Family. New York: Walker and Co., 1980. Describes many diverse families, including "Margo and Rita are Peggy's family." Rofes, Eric, ed. The Kid's Book of Divorce. Lexington, Mass.: Stephen Greene, 1981. Includes section on "Loving Your Gay Parent." Open Hands 21 ~~_ RE___ :,) RC_P POR_T New Reconciling Congregations Our grass-roots movement welcoming lesbians and gay men into full participation in the life of the church now includes 35 Reconciling Congregations and 5 Reconciling Conferences. We welcome the 3 local churches who publicly declared themselves to be Reconciling Congregations this past spring and summer. Hamilton UMC (San Francisco) Hamilton UMC is an inner city church located in the Haight-Ashbury district of San Francisco. It is a congregation with a small active membership and a long history of providing food, shelter, and youth services to the surrounding community. Typical attendance on a Sunday morning is 20 to 30 people. Hamilton held two meetings in its study to become a Reconciling Congregation . In the first meeting, the participants shared personal experiences of being excluded for being Black, elderly, a single parent, a woman, part of an interracial marriage, or gay or lesbian . In the second meeting, the congregation undertook a Bible study to deal with passages that have been used against gay and lesbian persons. The vote to become a Reconciling Congregation was an extension of the congregation's commitment to being a worship community that is inclusive of all persons. As Judy Anne Kriege, chair of the Hamilton R.C . Committee, states, "Becoming a Reconciling Congregation has helped us to become more intentional about our efforts toward this goal and to give us a greater self-identification with the work of Christ as we understand it." St. Francis in the Foothills (Tucson, Arizona) St. Francis in the Foothills was formed about 20 years ago. Under the leadership of its current pastor, David Wilkinson , the congregation has grown from 80 to over 600 members in 22 Open Hands the past six years. Much of the church's growth can be attributed to its outreach to persons of diverse religious backgrounds -Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, as well as Protestant -and diverse lifestyles. The ministries of the congregation seek to integrate spirituality with social involvement. Prayer and meditation are important elements in the community's life, and a healing service is held weekly. St. Francis attempts to maintain the intimacy of family in a large congregation by inviting persons to participate in small groups, like the "base communities" that exist in many Central American churches. The congregation is involved in many social service programs and has also been involved in the sanctuary movement for Central American refugees. St. Francis has sent delegations to its sister churches in Estonia and Mexico and hosted Soviet delegations in Tucson. In its process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation, a committee produced a 10-page educational booklet which was distributed to all members of the congregation. A copy of the booklet can be obtained from the church. Wesley UMC (Sheboygan, Wisconsin) In 1987 Wesley UMC celebrated its 50th anniversary. It was founded on its current site through the merger of two congregations, one formerly German-speaking and the other English-speaking. During the 1940s and 1950s, Wesley grew to a membership of almost 400 persons. Membership declined over the next two decades to about 200 members in 1980. The 1980s have brought a new era of growth and outreach for the congregation. A number of outreach ministries have been formed: the Loaves and Fishes Food Pantry, an ongoing evangelism effort, a "singles" ministry, and cable TV ministries. During this period, the congregation has also undertaken and paid for major maintenance and renovation work on its property. In 1987 the congregation adopted a team ministry approach for its staff. Two staff persons , male and female , share the responsibilities of worship, preaching, education, visitation, and administration. The congregation looks forward to new opportunities for church growth and ministry in the coming years. Next RCP Convocation Set for February 16-18, 1990 The RCP Advisory Committee has begun planning for the second national gathering of Reconciling Congregations, to be held February 16-18, 1990 , in the Bay Area of California. The committee will be seeking input for convocation program and workshop ideas from Reconciling Congregations in the coming months. At its August meeting in Washington, D.C., the Advisory Committee also made plans for supporting and providing resources for prospective Reconciling Congregations across the country. Various members of the committee have taken responsibility for different regions of the country to serve as resource persons to individuals and congregations who inquire about the program. Members of the RCP Advisory Committee are: Reva Anderson (Toledo, Ohio), Ann Thompson Cook (Washington, D.C.), Rev. Finees Flores (Chicago), Kathy Jones (Philadelphia) , Richard Monroe (Oklahoma City), Rev. Kim Smith (San Francisco), Rev. Tim TennantJayne (Minneapolis), and Rev. Duane Wilkerson (San Francisco). Maggie Roe (Denver) is the liaison from Affirmation's Coordinating Committee. The five Reconciling Conferences have been invited to send a representative to the committee. Representatives named to date are Rev. Marty Morrison (New York) and Shirley Dare (Northern IlIinois). (continued) Rep REPORT NEW RESOURCES FROM THE RECONCILING CONGREGATION PROGRAM Rep Buttons and Ribbons A Resource for Dialogue about the And God Loves Each One: Central UMC (Toledo, Ohio) Church and Homosexuality created buttons and ribbons saying "I Support Reconciling Congregations" This appealing, friendly booklet to distribute at the recent session ofresponds to the typical Christian's funtheir annual conference. Because ofdamental questions: How do people the popularity and attractiveness ofbecome gay or lesbian? What does the these items, the members of CentralBible really say about homosexuality? have made a large quantity of them What's it like to be gay or lesbian in the available to other congregations and church today? The booklet's gentle, individuals. person-to-person approach is a perfect The button is 3 inches in diameterstarting place for congregations or inwith "I Support Reconciling Congredividuals dealing with questions about gations" and the RCP logo printed inhomosexuality. The booklet is written purple ink on a white background. The by Ann Thompson Cook of Dumbarton ribbon is purple with the same message UMC (Washington, D.C.) and brings and logo printed in gold. together the input and experience of The buttons are available for $2 many other leading educators and each (10 or more -$1. 50 each) and scholars. the ribbons cost $1 .00 each (10 or more Now in production, this 16-page -$.75 each). booklet will be released in December. Advance copies may be ordered at All resources from the Reconciling $4.95 ($3.00 each for orders of 10 + Congregation Program can be obcopies) (includes shipping and handtained by writing: RCP, P.O. Box ling). 24213, Nashville, TN 37202. Prepaying your order saves the program time and cost. Annual Conference Update In the last issue of Open Hands, we printed a roundup of actions related to the Reconciling Congregation Program in the United Methodist annual conferences this past spring and summer. Since that report, we have learned of actions in two other conferences. The Oregon-Idaho Conference adopted a resolution urging each local church to become a Reconciling Congregation. A resolution to declare Oregon-Idaho a Reconciling Conference was postponed a year for further study. The Wisconsin Conference appointed a study committee to review the ramifications of becoming a Reconciling Conference. The committee is to report back to next year's session of the annual conference. On behalf of all the Reconciling Congregations and other supporters, we express appreciation for those individuals who continue to advocate full participation of lesbians and gay men in the local, regional, and national church. Our Ecumenical Movement Our enthusiasm about the growth of the Reconciling Congregation Program swells when we remember that there are now more than 125 mainline Protestant congregations which have publicly welcomed lesbians and gay men into their community life. These congregations are in the United Methodist Presbyterian, Lutheran, and United Church of Christ denominations. As has been our tradition in past years, we offer a list of all these congregations and encourage you to contact congregations of other denominations in your community. More Light Churches (Presbyterian) NATIONAL CONTACT: James Anderson P.O. Box 38 New Brunswick. NJ 08903 Church of the Covenant Good Shepherd-Faith 67 Newbury Street Presbyterian Boston. MA 02116 152 W. 66th Street New York, rh 10023 Christ Church Presbyterian Red Stone Campus West Park Presbyterian Burlington, VT 05401 165 W. 86th Street New York , NY 10024 First Presbyterian & Trinity III Irvington Avenue Lafayette A venue Presbyterian South Orange, NJ 07079 85 S. Oxford Street Brooklyn, NY 11217Prospect Street Presbyterian 2 Prospect Street Trenton , NJ Q8618 ( continued) Open Hands 23 l ~~----A- ~-.u~-on.. c-ong-reg-ati-ons~ t--J gr-:~-~-E-~-lm~-~~-.~:-naIC-hurc-h--R-eco-nc-mn-g ( continued) South Presbyterian 343 Broadway Dobbs Ferry, NY 10522 Old South Haven Presbyterian South Country Road, Box 203 Brookhaven, NY 11719 Westminster Presbyterian 724 Delaware Avenue Buffalo, NY 14222 North Presbyterian 90 Lewis Street Geneva. NY 14456 John Calvin Presbyterian 50 Ward Hill Road Henrietta, NY 14467 Third Presbyterian 4 Meigs Street Rochester. NY 14607 Downtown Presbyterian 121 N. Fitzhugh Street Rochester. NY 14614 Calvary St. Andrews 68 Ashland Street Rochester. NY 14620 Westminster Presbyterian 4001 Street. S.W. Washington . DC 20024 Rockville Presbyterian 215 W. Montgomery A venue Rockville. MD 20850 First & Franklin Presbyterian 210 W. Madison Street Baltimore, MD 21201 Waverly Presbyterian Old York Road at 34th SI. Baltimore. MD 21218 Central Presbyterian 318 W. Kentucky Street Louisville. KY 40203 Northside Presbyterian 1679 Broadway Ann Arbor. MI48105 St. Luke Presbyterian 3121 Groveland School Road Wayzata. MN 55391 Lineoln Park Presbyterian 600 W. Fullerton Parkway Chicago. IL 60614 McKinley Memorial Presbyterian 809 S. 5th Street Champaign, IL 61820 Bethany Presbyterian 4523 Cedar Springs Dallas, TX 75219 United University Presbyterian 817 W. 34th Street Los Angeles, CA 90007 West Hollywood Presbyterian 7350 Sunset Blvd. Los Angeles. CA 90046 Noe Valley Ministry 1021 Sanchez Street San Francisco. CA 94114 Seventh A venue Presbyterian 1329 7th Avenue San Francisco, CA 94122 First Presbyterian Church 1140 Cowper Street Palo Alto. CA 94301 Covenant Presbyterian 670 E. Meadow Drive Palo Alto. CA 94306 Westminster Presbyterian 240 Tiburon Blvd. Tiburon. CA 94920 First Presbyterian P.O. Box 236 Sausalito, CA 94965 St. Andrews Presbyterian Drake & Donahue Avenues Marin City, CA 94965 Terrace View Presbyterian 4700 228th Street. S.W. Mountlake Terrace, W A 98043 Open and Affirming Churches (United Church of Christ) NATIONAL CONTACT: Ann Day P.O. Box 403 Holden, MA 01520 First Congregational Church 165 Main Street Amherst, MA 01002 The Wendell Church Wendell. MA 01379 United Congregational Church 6 Institute Road Worcester, MA 01609 Church of the Covenant 67 Newbury Street Boston, MA 021 16 Church of the United Community 11 6 Roxbury Street Roxbury . MA 021 19 Riverside Church 490 Riverside Drive New York. NY 10027 Amherst Community Church 77 Washington Highway Snyder. NY 14226 24 Open Hands Riverside Salem Church P.O. Box 207 Grand Island, NY 14072 First Congregational Church 945 G Street, N.W. Washington, DC 20001 Grace UCC 3285 Cleveland-Massillon Rd. Norton , OH 44203 First Congregational Church 500 8th Avenue , S.E. Minneapolis, MN 55414 University Church 5655 S. University Avenue Chicago , IL 60637 Wellington Avenue UCC 615 Wellington Avenue Chicago, IL 60657 First Congregational Church 1128 Pi ne Boulder, CO 80302 932 E. Altadena Drive 1912 Central Avenue Altadena, CA 91001 Alameda, CA 94501 La Mesa Community Church Peace UCC 230 Lighthouse Road 777 Oakland Avenue Santa Barbara, CA 93109 Oakland, CA 94611 First Congregational Church College A venue 432 Mason Street Congregational San Francisco, CA 94102 1341 College Avenue Modesto, CA 95350 Reconciled in Christ Churches (Lutheran) NATIONAL CONTACT: Rose Smith 12602 Park Street Cerritos, CA 90701 Mt. Olivet Lutheran Prospect at Springs SI. Shrewsbury, MA 01545 Grace & St. Paul's Lutheran 123 W. 71st Street New York, NY 10023 University Church of Incarnation 3637 Chestnut Street Philadelphia. PA 19104 Community of Christ Lutheran 1812 Monroe Street. N.W. Washington. DC 20010 St. Mark's Lutheran 1900 SI. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 St. Timothy Lutheran P.O. Box 17552 Tampa, FL 33682 Lord of Light Lutheran 80 IS. Forest A venue Ann Arbor, M148104 Village Church 130 E. Juneau Avenue Milwaukee, WI 53202 St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran 100 N. Oxford Street SI. Paul, MN 55104 Holy Trinity Lutheran 2730 E. 31 st Street Minneapolis , MN 55406 Our Savior'S Lutheran 2639 Thomas A venue N. Minneapolis. MN 55411 Lutheran Campus Ministry 317 17th Avenue S.E. Minneapolis, MN 55414 Grace University Lutheran Harvard & Delaware Sts., S.E. Minneapolis , MN 55414 Edina Community Lutheran 4113 W. 54th Street Edina , MN 55424 The Community of SI. Martin 2001 Riverside Avenue Minneapolis, MN 55454 Lutheran Campus Ministry 201 4th Street S. St. Cloud, MN 56301 University Lutheran Center 1201 13th Avenue N. Fargo, ND 58 102 Lake View Lutheran 835 W. Addison Chicago, IL 60613 Christ the Mediator Lutheran 3100 S. Calumet Chicago, IL 606 15 Maywood House Church 2219 N. Spaulding Chicago, IL 60647 Resurrection Lutheran 3301 N. Seminary Street Chicago, IL 60657 St. Andrew's Lutheran Church 909 S. Wright Street Champaign, IL 61820 St. Thomas University Lutheran 805 S. Shields Fort Collins. CO 80521 St. Matthew's Lutheran 11031 Camarillo Street North Hollywood, CA 91602 St. John's Lutheran 584 E. Fremont Sunnyvale, CA 94087 St. Paulus Lutheran 888 Turk Street San Francisco, CA 94102 St. Mark's Lutheran 1101 O'Farrell Street San Francisco, CA 94109 St. Francis Lutheran 152 Church Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Christ Church Lutheran 1090 Quintara Street San Francisco, CA 94116 First United Lutheran 6555 Geary Blvd. San Francisco, CA 94121 University Lutheran 1611 Stanford Avenue Palo Alto , CA 94306 St. Paul's Lutheran 1658 Excelsior Avenue Oakland, CA 94602 Lutheran Peace Fellowship 4100 Mountain Blvd . Oakland, CA 94619 University Lutheran Chapel 2425 College Avenue Berkeley, CA 94704 Shepherd of the Hills 401 Grizzly Peak Blvd. Berkeley, CA 94708 Faith Lutheran Church 355 Los Ranchitos Road San Rafae l, CA 94903 Christ the Good Shepherd 1550 Meridian Road San Jose. CA 95125 Fullness of God Lutheran Holden Village Chelan, WA 98816 Metropolitan-D~ne UMC do Takayuki Ishii 201 W. 13th Street New York, NY 10011 Washington Sq~re UMC do Marty Morrison 135 W. 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC do Beth Bentley 6th Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 Calvary UMC do Chip Coffman 815 S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 Dumbarton UMC do Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC do Kay Moore 4th and 1 Streets, SW Washington, DC 20024 St. John's UMC do Howard Nash 2705 SI. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park-Aldengate UMC do Sally Daniel 575 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC do Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Central UMC do Chuck Larkins 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610 Wesley UMC do John Human 823 Union Avenue Sheboygan, WI 53081 University UMC do Steven Webster 1127 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 Wesley UMC do Tim Tennant-Jayne Marquette at Grant Streets Minneapolis, MN 55403 University UMC do Dave Schmidt 633 W. Locust DeKalb, IL 60115 Wheadon UMC do Albert Lunde 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Albany Park UMC c/o Ted Luis, Sr. 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625 Irving Park UMC do David Foster 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Kairos UMC do Richard Vogel 6015 McGee Kansas City, MO 64113 St. Mark's UMC do David Schwarz 1130 N. Rampart Street New Orleans, LA 70116 St. Paul's UMC do George Christie 161 5 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218 St. Francis in the Foothills do P. David Wilkinson 4625 E. River Road Tucson, AZ 85718 United University Church do Edgar Welty 81 7 W. 34th Street Los Angeles, CA 90007 Crescent Heights UMC do Walter Schlosser 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue W. Hollywood, CA 90046 The Church in Ocean Park do Judy Abdo 235 Hill Street Santa Monica, CA 90405 Wesley UMC do Patty Orlando 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Fresno, CA 93710 Bethany UMC do Rick Grube 1268 Sanchez Street San Francisco, CA 94114 HamiltonUMC do Judy Kreige 1525 Waller Street San Francisco, CA 94117 Calvary UMC do Jerry Brown 1400 Judah Street San francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC do Arron Auger 152 Church Street San Francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC do Elli Norris 2320 Dana Street Berkeley, CA 94704 Albany UMC do Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706 Sunnyhills UMC do Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC do Dianne l. Grimard 101 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688 Wallingford UMC do Margarita Will 2115 N. 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103 Capitol Hill UMC do Mary Dougherty 128 Sixteenth Street Seattle, WA 98112 Reconciling Conferences California-Nevada New York Troy Northern Illinois Wyoming Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 4 No 2 - Raising Reconciling Children https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/208c57c40b8a8c2620107cfd19d130ce.pdf a09c6af64d0d5ec7f29b8e25d7c7a920 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 4 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1989 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document U l s y our heart true to my heart as mine is to yours? .. /f it is, give me y our hand (( 2 Kings 10: 15 PCl9f 4 Winter 1989 Vol. 4 e No.3 Journal ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program Myths of Mono9anl)' by Rebecca PaT~ PCl9f 7 Lesbian & Gay Mafe Perspectives by Mary E. Hunt & Morris L. Royc! PCl9es 10 13 Vol. 4· No. 3· Winter 1989 O pen Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials , including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling congregation~ Program P.O. Box 24213 Nashville, TN 37202 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Joanne Brown J. Benjamin Roe Typesetting and Graphic Design Linda Coffin Leanne Poteet Note to advertisers: Beginning with the Summer 1989 issue, Open Hands will accept paid advertising. For rate information, write to Open Hands or call : 202/8631586. Open Hands (formerly Manna for the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription is $12 for four issues ($16 outside the U.S.A.!. Single copies are available for $4 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Repri nts of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions and correspondence should be sent to: Open H.mds P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Copyright 1989 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Member of The Associated Church Press. ISSN 0888-8833 Open Hands Contents 3 4 7 10 11 14 15 19 20 22 Introduci.f19 Tliis Issue Joanne Brown andJ. Benjamin Roe ~"aCi:9' andsalvation TexSampfe Myths ofMono9anry Rebecca Parker sexual Ethics: A Lesbian Perspective Mary E. Hunt sexual Ethics: A Gay Mafe Perspective Morris L. Ffoyd SUSTAINING THE SPIRIT IfLitany ofSupportive Communi1J" Joanne Brown PERSONAL REFLECTIONS IfStrivi"9 Towardwhofemss" Peggy R. Gayford IfRiski"9 Intimacy" Jan Orson IfDevelopi"9 the Christ W ithin" Rafpft Wi[[iams RESOURCES SPECIAL REPORT Cfotu( ofWitnesses: Tlie 32nd General Councif of the United Church ofcanada barb m. janes RCPREPORT NEXT ISSUE'S THEME: Les6ians and Gay Men in the ReCi9ious A rts 2 · Th· I I ntroduClng IS ssue Sexual ethics: a tremendously complex topic and, for Christians, one interrelated to every other aspect of faith -how we look at God and creation, Christ and salvation, forgiveness, justice, and human nature. As theologian James Nelson argues, it is a twoway street: how we understand God influences the way we understand human sexuality, and our experience of sexuality influences our understanding of God and Christ. I Sexual ethics is a multifaceted subject, difficult to do justice to in 24 pages. Nevertheless , it demands examination. Serious reflection on sexual ethics inclusive of the experience and faith of lesbians and gay men has often been muted or missing. Indeed, serious reflection on sexual ethics of any sort is too often avoided by or kept from concerned Christians, both laity and clergy. Sexual ethics is also an intimidating topic. Part of the reason may be that it attempts to deal with head, heart, and self, as well as principles and values. In addition, sexual ethics is often seen too narrowly, as a list of "do's" and "don'ts" handed down without consideration, that reflect only sexual morality or sexual mores isolated from the rest of theology. Discussion of sexual ethics too often centers on the acts done by, to, and with certain organs and too often ignores the context of the acts in the relationship between the persons. The subject is too often divorced from knowledge of the complexity of human sexuality as it is experienced by real human beings in "the real world." In a book on philosophical ethics, William Frankena writes, "Very often when one is puzzled about what he[/she] or someone else should do in a certain situation, what one needs is not really any ethical instruction, but simply either more factual knowledge or greater conceptual clarity.,,2 Indeed, the first step in most decision-making processes, once a problem is clarified, is information gathering. We suspect that most denominations are where they are in discussions of homosexuality partly because of a general lack of knowledge of human sexuality itself and partly because of the ways that sexual behavior is fragmented from its sources: individual meanings, personality and sexual identity issues, relationship dynamics. Another factor not often overtly acknowledged in denominational debates is developmental: different persons are at different stages of their personal, faith, and moral development. One significant consequence is that people use different methods and reach different conclusions because of their different developmental stages. And these stages usually do not make much sense to those who have not yet experienced them. Each person's unique set of experiences of sexuality influences his or her ethical stances and conclusions to a profound degree. Mix this with dynamics of the stages of personality development, and sexuality becomes very complex indeed. For instance, according to some personality theories, unconscious "defense mechanisms" (like repression or projection) operate so strongly that it becomes nearly impossible to deal with some sexuality (and other) issues, most especially those tied painfully and sometimes unconsciously to one's experiences. People who have experienced the effects of gender-role stereotyping, homophobia, or traumatic events such as sexual abuse will be shaped by those experiences. This will be expressed in their ethical stances. This issue of Open Hands is presented in the hope that it encourages consideration of an approach to sexual ethics that is informed by the broader per- Joanne Brown J. Benjamin Roe spective of faith, an appreciation of sexuality as a basic part of identity and personality, and a more general context of justice and social concern issues. Sexual ethics is approached here from a holistic perspective, not concentrating just on gay/lesbian/bisexual issues but using them as illustrative of sexuality in a broader context. As persons of faith, we are responsible for our individual actions, and we cannot escape this responsibility simply by appealing to, or relying on, statements from academic or clergy sources. Taking responsibility for developing our own sets of ethical principles can be scary and difficult, but it can also be liberating. It involves struggle with developing the strength, the principles, and the courage to claim one's own power to be a "responsible self' in one's sexual life. Ultimately, of course, coming to a sense of one's own independently chosen ethic is an important step along the journey for all people of faith. It will not be the same for everyone; we each have our own appropriate time line of development. The various writers in this issue outline ways that they and others have struggled, reflected, chosen, acted. We hope their sharing can serve to stimulate your own reflection and sharing .• Notes 1. James Nelson, Embodiment: An Approach to SexuaLity and Christian Theology (Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1978), p. 14-15. 2. William Frankena, Ethics (Englewood Cliffs, N.J.: Prentice-Hall, 1963), p. II. Joanne Brown is professor of church history and ecumenics at SI. Andrews College in Saska(()vll. Saskatchewan . J. Benjamin Roe is a United Methodist minister and pastoral psychotherapist living in Denver. Open Hands 3 sexuaCii)' and Saevation 6y Tex SampCe I f one were to ask the "average Christian" today how sexuality relates to salvation, the questioner might be met with a blank stare. If a response was forthcoming, it might be that to be "saved" a person must limit him-or herself to monogamous sex inside of legally recognized male/female marriage. Another, slightly different response might be that, if a person is saved , he or she will abstain from all sexual behavior outside traditional moral bounds. With either answer, salvation would be linked with traditionally perceived moral law. This is unfortunate. Not because sexuality and salvation have nothing to do with each other, for they are deeply related. But because the word salvation, as it is frequently used today, has lost so much of its biblical meaning. In both Old and New Testament times, salvation was closely related to liberation, not to legalism. Once this is understood, it is possible to see more clearly what salvation means today with regard to human sexuality. Salvation In the Hebrew scriptures, the word for salvation connotes "broadening" or "enlarging." It has the sense of roominess, of a wide and open space in which life in community can occur. Such "space" usually comes with God's help (Ex. 14: 13-14, 30; 15:2; 1 Sam. 7:8; 2 Sam. 22:28; 1 Chron. 16:35). To save, then, is to recover spaciousness, prosperity, well being, freedom. Salvation also takes on the meaning of deliverance in that God delivers people from conflict, oppression, and want (Ex. 3; Isa. 49:25-26, 52:6-10, 55:1-5; Jer. 31:31-34; Eze. 36:22-32, 37:23-28). The reign of God as such is not an Old Testament teaching; nevertheless, the rule of God is the purpose of such deliverance. Salvation, thus, has a profound liberative sense. In the New Testament, the Greek root meaning of salvation is to "rescue" or "save," and, in the synoptic teachings of Jesus, salvation is the end-time rule of God. Indeed, in Jesus the reign of God has come, and Jesus is the foretaste of its fulfillment. He rescues and saves. The gospels are replete with stories of Jesus' deliverance of people from all kinds of bondage physical, spiritual, psychic, demonic , and cosmic -to health and wholeness (Mk. 1:40-45; Lk. 7:50; In. 12:3-7). Salvation is being restored to fullness of life in relationship to God, to self, to others, and to the world. The death and resurrection of Jesus are central to understanding salvation in the New Testament. In his death, Jesus is the gift of God's reconciliation, bringing regeneration and new relationship to God. In Jesus' death and resurrection, the whole world has been saved and has also been delivered from the wrath and judgment yet to come (I Thess. 1 :9-10). The biblical concept of salvation thus involves a highly specialized understanding of history. With the coming of Christ Open Hands also comes the establishment of God's eschatological reign and the advent of a new age. Humanity now lives "between the times" of Christ's coming and of the fulfillment of the creation. This is a time to cast out demons, to proclaim salvation, to live faithfully in caring community, and to reach out in acts of justice and service to the world God loves. Salvation, therefore, has a past, present, and future sense. In that Christ has come, the world has been saved; as the Spirit abides in the world, the world is being saved; and, as the world awaits its final consummation, the world will be saved. This biblical view of salvation has at least two implications for understanding how salvation relates to human behavior, including sexuality: (a) meaning and significance are given to the concrete work we do in the present; and (b) liberative and salvific events occur here and now, and we participate in them. When we work towards the liberation of ourselves and others from modem slaveries, we become part of God's ongoing process of salvation. Moreover, salvation in the New Testament encompasses the whole cosmos. It is not merely individualistic; rather, the whole creation groans in travail in anticipation of ultimate completion. The affirmation of Ephesians is that all things, things in heaven and things on earth, shall be made one in Christ. In John's gospel, the world is a place of bondage, illusion, and death to which Christ as savior offers freedom, truth, and life eternal, because, despite the world's terribly mixed state, it is the world that God loves. Thus, a biblically informed view of salvation means spaciousness, freedom, deliverance, liberation, the establishment of a new age in which we are free to respond to an emancipative God in a history that has meaning and purpose and which is not lost in futility, emptiness, bondage, and death. Salvation means health and wholeness and concerns both nature and history, earthly and cosmic reality in an ongoing process, the end of which is the consummation of the whole creation. I I 4 Sexuality As we relate this biblical view of salvation to our experience of sexuality, we note, first of all, that some aspects of our sexual experience cry out for salvation. In fact, I suggest three historical phenomena that enslave, rather than liberate, our sexuality. Sexism One enslavement of sexuality is sexism. Beverly Harrison has argued, rightly, that "social control of women as a group has totally shaped our deepest and most basic attitudes toward sexuality.,,2 The enormity of the impact of sex-role socialization on male and female, the con strictures of the economy and the political order, the deep-rooted cultural definitions and structuring of gender life, the often hidden violence and coercive psychological control, the rampantly increasing relation of women and poverty, the dependence on men for financial and social security: all these and more sketch the outlines of sexism and its pervasive control and degradation. As the result of sexism, sexuality's varied meanings are twisted and contorted in subterfuge, coercive control, and systemic manipulation. The rich potential for an authentic human sexuality is stifled with oppressive ideology, power inequities, and intimacy avoidance. Male sexual expression is too exclusively genital and otherwise detached, and intimacy is among the first victims. For women, their sexuality and its distinctive manifestations are buried in a hegemony that renders all sexuality as male sexuality (and that in a tradition of hostility and control). H eterosexism A second form of enslavement -compulsory heterosexuality -is perhaps the most powerful and deeply embedded systemic constraint on human sexuality. Institutionalized, it is a highly sanctioned power order replete with penalties, legal and informal, that are so pervasive that they are a form of oppression. For millions of lesbians and gay men, heterosexism means "life in the closet" and the burden of living a double life. For those who "come out," heterosexism can mean a continuing maze of blocked pathways, economic and otherwise. To be gay or lesbian too often means to inhabit a world of pain caused by stifled opportunities, sundered relationships, and obstruction of the human capacity to be, to become, and to belong. Heterosexism's relationship to sexism and misogyny seems clear. James Nelson maintains that homophobia is directed toward both men and women in our culture, but "clearly the stronger [fears] are directed by males toward male homosexuality." He suggests reasons for why this is so: (a) A gay man embodies to a heterosexual man the symbol of a woman because the submission of a male to be penetrated and to be the passive partner is to submit to womanization. (b) A gay man has the "capacity to view me [another man] not primarily as a person, but rather as a sex object, a desired body,,3 -the way straight men typically regard women. This often unconscious dynamic, which places males in the role of sex objects as women are, is psychically threatening. (c) The socialization of men to relate to equals (i.e., other men) competitively is threatened by gay men because they express affection and love to other men and thereby represent and symbolize what is prohibited for those who are heterosexual.4 In the situation of lesbians, Mary Daly, among others, has pointed out that they are viewed with such fear because they are "undomesticated," no longer under the rule of the father, no longer under the control of men. 5 Related to this are Adrienne Rich's view that men basically fear the indifference of women to them6 and James Nelson's point that men have "performance anxiety," living always with the threat of impotence. Each explanation suggests a male temptation to express a deep. irrational hostility toward one perceived as indifferent who symbolizes performance failure. Lesbians, in a heterosexist world, can readily be made symbolic targets of repressed and projected fear and hostility. Hostility Finally, sexuality is enslaved by hostility. Alfred Kinsey's report in 1948 observed that the physiological pattern most closely parallel to male sexual excitement was anger. Studies now indicate that anger and hostility are pervasive in male sexual excitement. 7 The history of this hostility is his story. Having grown up in a "stud culture," my mind is littered with comments about sexual intercourse that almost without exception involve the defilement, humiliation, and debasement of women. Nancy Hartsock has detailed the devastating impact of historical, economic, and ideological factors_on intimacy as part of an examination of power and community. She reports that hostility and domination, not intimacy and physical pleasure, are central to sexual excitement in Western culture, especially in its masculine expressions. 8 Hartsock's analysis portrays the twisting of eros into dehumanizing forms. She examines three aspects of eros: (a) the desire for fusion, "to make the many one" (in the words of Sigmund Freud); (b) sensuality and bodily pleasure; and (c) generativity and creativity. These healthy and wholesome dynamics, however, are distorted by anxiety about intimacy. Men, she says, are left in considerable anxiety about intimacy because of thetraumas and fears they experience in early childhood. As a result, they avoid intimacy through control, hence reducing women to objects and finding their excitement in overcoming female resistance. Fetishism is a second means of dealing with the threat of intimacy. In this form, the focus is on the woman's "parts" -her legs, breasts, buttocks, pubis, etc. Thus, no longer faced with an intimate other, the woman is reduced to a "clit," "pussy," "broad," "bitch," "score," "kill," etc. In a third distortion, eros takes on a form of reversal! revenge. The man's need here is to reverse the child-mother roles where the former was so needy and utterly dependent on the mother. The trauma of this needy dependence is reversed into revenge so that anxiety can then take the form of pleasure. In this dynamic the woman is needy, utterly at the hands of the man, and the man in rage from childhood fears and trauma seeks vengeance on the woman by debasing her. Threatened by anxiety, eros as sensuality and pleasure is perverted into numbness, the death of feeling, and the denial of the body. In many men, it takes the form of loathing of the body and can even become a preoccupation and fascination with death. Open Hands 5 An Ethic of Sexuality and Salvation What inferences can we draw from a biblically inf view of salvation to address the oppressive structures of sexism, heterosexism, and hostility? It seems clear that any ethic of sexuality related to salvation must engage these three issues. Moral thought about sexuality that operates apart from these is like an oceanographer who, so captivated by frothy bubbles in a backwash, ignores the dangers of the sea. It does little to talk of the good or the right, principles or norms, without examining the fundamental ways in which we hold our sexuality captive. A viable ethic of sexuality will name these demons that populate sexuality's personal and political dimensions. Even in the presence of their ominous control, an ethic of salvation can proclaim that the principalities and powers have been defeated in the work of Christ and that we live in a new age. Responsive to the liberative action of God, an ethic of sexuality seeks to discern the enlarging and creative spaces for authentic humanity. God's deliverance from oppression is already at work to shatter the bonds of sexism, heterosexism, and hostility. God is at work to render healthy and whole the sexuality both of our embodied selves and of all our relationships -personal, interpersonal, economic, political, cultural, historical, and spiritual. An ethic of sexuality and salvation will also address the anxieties attached to intimacy with a gospel of grace in which one can fully trust God and can find the strength to be oneself. Fueled by grace, this ethic will be able to take down, stone by stone, the fears and traumas of the fortified ego defenses of men so that new depths of life and experience with others can be known and shared. An ethic of salvation will offer new vistas of feminist and womanist ways of being in the world and new opportunities no longer constricted by stereotypes, fetishism, control, and the threat of violence. Furthermore, this ethic will call for a systematic institutionalization of homosexual life and unions and for the provision in law and social policy of civil liberties and civil rights for gay men and lesbians. It will mean structuring equality into a broad range of issues crucial to substantive justice: equal treatment in employment, public service, housing, taxation, inheritance, medical care and insurance, and so on. It will mean an end to compulsory heterosexuality. Such an ethic will seek to enable the expression of warmth and affection and to tum sexuality from its compressed focus on genitalia so that friendship and other ties can own and celebrate levels of feeling and attachment that are so often suppressed and consigned to silence. Sexuaiity itself will become covenantal in an ethic combining sexuality and salvation. People will be liberated to live out their sexuality in faithfulness to the reign of God and faithfulness to others. This ethic will understand the historical character of human existence -that indeed we live between the times, between the already and the not yet. Living in a present filled with poignancy gives sexuality a wondrous vitality and affirmation. 6 Open Hands Finally, with the understanding of salvation on which such an ethic will be based, concrete, lived reality will take on ultimate significance and import. Sexuality will no longer be the embarrassing, repressed side of life but a celebrative, reveling, deeply intimate, fun and humorous, wannly affectionate, committed and compelling, earthy and ecstatic sharing of life in covenant. • Notes 1. John E. Alsup, "Salvation"; in Paul J. Achtemeier, ed., Harper's Bible Dictionary (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1985). 2. Beverly Wildung Harrison, Making the Connections. edited by Carol S. Robb (Boston: Beacon Press, 1985), p. 138. 3. James B. Nelson, Between Two Gardens (New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983), p. 51. 4. Ibid., p. 52. 5. Mary Daly, Gyn-Ecology (Boston: Beacon Press, 1978). 6. Adrienne Rich, "Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Experience," Signs 5, no. 4 (Summer 1980). 7. Alfred C. Kinsey et al., Sexual Behavior in the Human Male (Philadelphia: W. B. Saunders, 1948). 8. Nancy C. M. Hartsock, Money, Sex and Power (Boston: Northeastern University Press, 1985). With appreciation to my colleague and friend, Kris Culp, who did a careful and critical reading of the first draft of this paper. Tex Sample is professor ofchurch and society at Saint Paul School ofTheology in Kansas City, Missouri. He is an ordained elder in the Missouri West Conference of the United Methodist Church. Myths of Mono9amy 6y Re6ecca Parker M onogamy is to be celebrated as one of life's richest possibilities. The commitment of two people to create a life together centered in love is a decision to remain faithful to one another through the joys and sorrows of life, in hardship and in plenty, and in making the well-being of the other a concern equal to concern for oneself. Such commitment can bring intensity, depth , growth, strength, courage, healing, and happiness to people 's lives. The joys of faithful committed, life-long relationships are not experienced only by those who define themselves as heterosexual and whose relationship is blessed by church and state. Life-long committed relationships have blessed the lives of lesbians and gay men, their children, and their communities -even when such faithful relationships have been neither recognized nor celebrated in any public way. Faithful commitment deserves celebration in the public and the religious spheres, in the many forms that such commitment can take. The story of Ruth and Naomi stands as a reminder that the biblical model of faithful love is love not compelled but freely given, not required by custom or law, but arising from the heart, unwavering, courageous, not destroyed by hardship, and life-transforming. Wherever such love is found, or choices for such love are made, there God is. The day the whole church is able to affirm, celebrate, and support life-long, committed, monogamous relationships among gay men and lesbians will be a joyful one. The dawning of that day, however, is hindered by several dimensions of the traditional Christian concept of monogamous marriage. These must be discarded before an inclusive ethic of monogamy can be formulated, or faithful relationships outside the bounds of the heterosexual circle can be valued. Three concepts -which I would like to name "myths of monogamy" -are associated with the traditional understanding of Christian marriage. These myths contribute to homophobia and to destructive patterns of intimacy, and are linked to the failure of the Christian community to affirm lesbians and gay men and likewise gay and lesbian unions. The first myth is that marriage completes incomplete, complementary beings. Second is the idea that monogamy involves a structure of authority (the man is the head of the woman and sexual intimacy is surrender of personal power). The third concept is that God has ordained marriage, and anyone who is not married has sinned against God and nature. Myth: M~eCompfetes Incompfete Beil19s "I was incomplete until I found you" is a romantic feeling most of us have experienced in our lives. Is this feeling at the heart of mature, life-long love? The traditional concept of monogamy says "yes." In the traditional, heterosexual view, men and women are incomplete beings who are only made whole through marriage . The story in Genesis 2 describes woman being created from man's rib, and says, "Therefore a man leaves his father and mother and cleaves to his wife" (Gen 2:24). This biblical passage is interpreted to mean that a part of every man has been taken from him and is possessed by a woman. He can only regain himself by possessing the woman who possesses his lost part. Conversely, the woman is a wayward being until she is possessed -embraced by the one she h.as belonged to all along. If a woman thinks she is independent of man, doesn't belong to anyone, is her own person -she is denying her God-given nature. For a man to think he is whole without ,a woman is to deny his God-given nature. Those who view the essence of marriage in these terms cannot accept committed relationships between gay men or lesbians. To them such a couple doesn't add up to wholeness -two incomplete people cannot make a whole unless their incompleteness is complementary. A modem tenn for this form of complementarity in marriage is "co-dependency." A co-dependent relationship is Continued on p. 8 Open Hands 7 Continued from p. 7 one in which the individuals involved are psychologically fused in an unhealthy way -a way that inhibits personal growth and finally destroys intimacy. Depth psychologists such as lung who explored the psychology of complementarity over a lifetime identify "romantic" love as the attraction to another person\ who represents the 10sUrepressed part of one's own self. Romantic love is fed by repression. A man who has repressed his emotions is attracted to a woman whose emotions are vividly expressed. She may not be what he loves at all -he loves the lost part of himself which he is seeking to possess by bonding possessively with her. He cannot allow any kind of unfaithfulness because unfaithfulness robs him of himself. The woman, in tum, may have been attracted to him because she had repressed her ambitions and aspirations, but he is full of dreams, goals, and hopes. He may not be what she loves but the lost part of herself which she regains by being with him. He must be faithful to her in every way or else she loses what she most wants -herself. Co-dependent relationships can endure only so long as the partners in co-dependency continue to deny parts of themselves. Any move towards personal integration of the lost part of oneself threatens the bond. In fact, the move towards personal wholeness may even be experienced as an unfaithful act. Thus, a woman who stops living through a man and begins to acknowledge and pursue her own aspirations is blamed for destroying or not valuing marriage. Many Christian ethicists and proponents of "traditional" family values, extol the "union of opposites" understanding of monogamy. Co-dependency is considered the ideal. However, lung went beyond the traditional concept of marriage and believed that marriage should mature through romantic love to mature love, possible after one has been led by the beloved to see and integrate the lost part of oneself. Mature love is a relationship between whole people, complete in themselves, who do not depend on one another for self-completion. Only when a post-dependent model of love is lifted up as the ideal can Christian ethics appropriately affirm lesbian and gay relationships as expressions of the highest ideal. A post-dependent model of love begins by defining faithfulness as self-faithfulness. To be faithful to yourself is to embrace all aspects of yourself unconditionally -rejecting no part. Self-faithfulness especially means embracing aspects of yourself that patriarchal culture says you must reject. When you learn not to abandon yourself, you become capable of not abandoning someone else. Two people who are seeking to be whole in themselves relate differently than two who are seeking themselves in each other. Those who seek to be whole in themselves offer companionship, support, friendship, and loving criticism to one anotherwithout demand. It is a higher love because it is a freer love. Faithfulness is experienced as personal responsibility and integrity rather than demanding control of another who has the power to rob you of what belongs to you. In a post-dependent relationship, the partners d"o not have to be "opposites" -sexually or otherwise. Differences add legitimate variety, spice, conflict, freshness but the differences are not the energy that binds two together in a union of mutual possession and completion. The two are bound together by the energy of mutual love, respect, caring, appreciation, delight, knowledge, and support. Differences enrich rather than define the union. 8 Open Hands Myth: M~eImpfies a Structure of Autfiori1y When I was first interviewed as a woman seeking to be ordained, I was asked who would be the head of the household in my marriage. The tone of the question was not friendly. It suggested that my pursuit of ordination represented a usurping of the proper structures of authority. The "traditional" view of heterosexual monogamy sees "man as the head of the woman." To be in a monogamous relationship is to enter into an authority structure. This authority structure is grounded in the divine/human authority structure. God is the head of the creation in the big picture. Man is the head of the woman on the domestic scene. The identification of God as male is a necessary correlation of this view of authority. In this context, resistance to imaging God as female is not dogmatic insistence on God's gender, but dogmatic insistence that males have authority over females. The reverse is an offensive, threatening idea -a disruption of the proper order of things. In a recent conversation with a self-described evangelical Christian, I was asked if I had ever performed a gay union. I answered that I have been privileged to participate in such celebrations. The next question was, "Well, how do they know which one is the bride and which one is the groom?" "What do you mean?" I asked. The person responded, "How do they know who is going to be on top, who is going to be the man, the person in charge?" In this way of thinking, sexuality is identified with power (maleness) and powerlessness (femaleness), with exercise of authority (male) and submission to authority (female), and with command (male) and obedience (female). This is a tragic way to define sexuality for all concerned. For gay men and lesbians, it has meant social and religious rejection and chastisement for "not following the orders," not defining sexuality in terms of power. For heterosexual men, it outlaws ever letting go of control and power. For heterosexual women, it has often meant that sexual intimacy is tantamount to surrender of personal authority and autonomy. When monogamy is associated with this structure of authority, then sexual faithfulness becomes identified for the submissive party with obedience to the authority of another. To be unfaithful in the context that identifies maleness with dominance and femaleness with submission is to be disobedient. Unfaithful is something that really only the submissive party can be (hence arises the double standard). This understanding of monogamy as faithfulness to authority is closely tied to the theology that identifies human sin as disobedience to the will of God. God, the male authority figure, commands but we do not obey. Hence, we human beings are called "harlot," or "adulterer," or "unfaithful wife." Theologians such as Augustine condemn sexuality as the root of all sin by identifying sexuality with the desire to rebel from authority. A man's sexual organ does not obey his command, and woman is inherently rebellious -inherently evil. In this context, ethical sexuality is always and only highly controlled sexuality. The lesbian or gay man is to be condemned because she or he has transgressed authority in the extreme -refused to be obedient to the rules. Homophobia includes an element of fear of the uncontrollable, hatred of the disobedient. Within this context, lesbian and gay relationships cannot be tolerated for two reasons. First, sexuality has been perverted because the clear structure of husband/ruler and wife/subject has been confused. In this view, sexuality is perverted by equality. Secondly, in lesbian or gay relationships the persons involved have defied all authority they represent unconstrained sexuality which is in its very nature rebellious energy. Properly constrained sexuality is only found within the bonds of patriarchal marriage. The identification of "good sexuality" with a ruler/ subject authority structure or even with a divinely ordained marriage structure must be abandoned by the church before the value of lesbian and gay monogamous relationships can be fully affirmed and celebrated. This theological transformation will have to involve a re-imaging of God's sexuality, so that the insistence on God's sovereignty is not dependent on the insistence on God's maleness. It also will have to involve an affirmation of sexual energy as energy that is either inherently neutral (carrying the potential for good or evil) or inherently good (leading us toward creation, enhancement, or fulfillment of God's purposes). Thus, the affirmation of gay and lesbian relationships and the forming of an inclusive, nondestructive ethic of monogamy requires the identification of sexuality as "the good gift of God." That good gift can be a means of expressing and deepening love and discovering the sacredness of oneself and others. Forming such an ethic also requires identifying equality, rather than dominance and submission, as the highest form of human love. Mytli: God Has Ordained M~eas a Requirement Jesus mayor may not have been married, but the Gospels picture him as single. Paul advised the unmarried state as the best way but allowed that marriage was acceptable for those who would give in to the temptations of sex without it. Nevertheless, the idea that God has ordained marriage as a requirement is implied for some by the Creation story and by the commandment "be fruitful and multiply." Lesbian or gay unions are sometimes criticized (by those who have never met the children of gay or lesbian people) for being a defiance of that commandment and a defiance of the "order of creation." Man and woman are created to be together and to produce children; therefore, God has ordained marriage as a requirement. Faithful, committed relationships need to be rescued from the canon of requirements and returned to the canon of possibilities. God has given us choice. The choice to be single can be a wise, life-giving choice. Those who are single have not failed to fulfill God's requirements. God has also given us freedom to choose a partner in life. Love is freely given and freely bestowed. It is not forced or demanded of us. The difference between a life-long, loving heterosexual relationship and a life-long, loving same-sex relationship is only a difference in the gender of the partner chosen. Ed chose Michael, Rebecca chose George, Julia chose Jim, Kate chose Elizabeth. What makes a monogamous relationship Christian is not that the two partners complete one another, is not that one is submissive to another's rule, and is not that the partners have fulfilled God's requirement. Three things make a monogamous relationship Christian. First, the two partners love one another for who they are, not as symbols of lost parts of themselves. Second, the partners regard one another with mutual respect and honor one another's authority as self-responsible adults -there is equality of power. And, finally, the two partners have chosen one another freely, not under compunction, but out of love and in favor of the values that life-long commitment can bring. An inclusive ethic of faithful commitment leaves room for other ethical and life-affirming choices -to be single, to love intimately more than once. It defines faithfulness in terms that transcend gender. It gives a common ground for many forms of committed love to be recognized, celebrated, resourced, and supported within the community of faith. And, at best, it points us beyond one-on-one relationships to the wider circle and reminds us that God loves not one, but many, and we are invited to love not just one, not just the inner circle, but all who bear the image of God in their souls .• Rebecca Parker is pastor o/Vashon Island UMC in the Seattle area. She is also a member of the Committee to Study Homosexuality recently formed by the United Methodist General Conference. Open Hands 9 T he trend in mainline Christian churches, including my own, the Roman Catholic Church, is toward increased acceptance of same-sex love. Admittedly there are countersigns to this. But in the past 20 years we have moved from complete silence. through heated debate, to grudging acceptance. Plenty of kicking and screaming is still ahead. But now that the signs of success are so obvious (including the ferocious backlash that we are finding in some denominations), I think it is time for lesbian and gay Christians to say what we mean by same-sex love. Only then can the richness of our experiences become part of a healthy faith family. Otherwise, we participate in the dysfunctional dynamics that make our so-called "spiritual homes" abusive households. Most Christians who tolerate or even advocate same-sex love as healthy , good, natural. and holy (an opinion I share) are hesitant to unpack just what this means. They fear, rightly, being rejected if the full spectrum of lesbian/gay humanity were exposed. Of course, no one rejects heterosexuality simply because every heterosexual is not monogamously married to the first person she/he ever dated. We who wish to be acceptable members of our faith traditions have been cowed into sanitizing our sex. It is as if we love in wrinkle-resistant, button-down pairs in splitlevel houses for ever and ever amen. I do not mean to blame the victims. We have every reason to be circumspect if we want to survive in a homophobic society. But I consider it a sign of maturity that we begin to discuss our sexual ethics openly, realistically. Homophobia and heterosexism have forced us to lower our standards, to settle for crumbs at the table where in many instances we have baked the bread of life. Our growing success at educating ourselves and our communities is impetus to continue the process with harder questions, more honest discussion and increased tolerance of ambiguity . As a feminist liberation theologian, I am constantly experimenting with my craft. I consider theology, especially moral theology or ethics; to be too important to be left to theologians. I reject moralizing and pontificating from religious professionals. I urge communities to theologize. I assume that every subject is able to be discussed, i. e .. that there are no taboo topics. I take for granted that easy answers are "cheap grace." that it takes a long time. some luck. and many mistakes to love well. I presume that there are many right answers. that no one politically correct way of being exists. I like the fact that we change our minds. see things differently over time. and make corrections in mid-course. For matters moral, I suggest that we engage in creative listening, sketch some general directions, and leave the rest up to the good 10 Open Hands sense of faithful people. In short, I trust the community of faith more than I do experts' judgments on matters of morality. What follows is an effort to use my own methodology in a brief reflection on lesbian sexual ethics, leaving the gay part up to my good brothers who know more about it than I do. Of course, each of the following issues deserves much longer treatment. I hope that such discussion will go on among readers who will take an active part in writing the next chapter of lesbian/gay Christian sexual ethics . Four general issues arise over and over in my discussions with lesbian friends. Note that my point of reference is as a white, middleclass, U.S .-based, well-educated, lesbian feminist woman. I limit my insights to what this perspective provides, sure that from other starting points issues and priorities will differ. First, monogamy is not for everyone. and for those for whom it works it is never enough. Second, "an army of ex-lovers" may never fail . but they sure do make for complicated parties. Third, "breaking up is hard to do," but it takes more courage to try loving again . Fourth, love may be more important than sex, but love and sex beat even chocolate. Let me discuss each of these in turn. M onogamy is the number one topic among lesbian women (after the niceties about whom Holly Near is "seeing" these days). It is usually couched as "monogamy vs. nonmonogamy" and usually means do you and your lover have other sexual partners? Or, if one is not in a coupled relationship, it means if you are interested in being coupled with me will there be someone(s) else? While polygamy is practiced openly by men of some religious (and personal) persuasions, the predominant articulated sexual more of lesbian women is monogamy. That many heterosexual couples are not monogamous in practice for a variety of reasons does not seem to enter the picture. What we are admitting, however, is that monogamy is not for everyone. For some women (I would venture the majority, but who knows?) the notion of a monogamous relationship appeals for reasons of an economy of time and emotion. But for others, equally legitimately I would argue, the idea of having one sex partner for a lifetime is simply unthinkable. Rather than brand this as promiscuous or depraved, I prefer to hope that they find people who also want this arrangement and feel free to enjoy it. After all, the problems usually arise when one partner wants to be monogamous and the other not. While I have rarely seen non monogamous relationships last very long, I have deep respect for the fact of our heterogeneity and I urge others to respect it as well. Continued on p. I2 W riting about gay male sexual ethics feels about as safe as walking on thin ice in May. Though there may be some areas of consensus in the gay male subculture, this clearly is not one of them. As is true in the larger culture, gay people face these issues differently according to age, developmental stage, sociocultural and ethnic background. Furthermore, gay men and lesbians generally lack norms or systems that might be guides for sexual decision making. Members of the heterosexual majority frequently appeal to the Judeo-Christian tradition as a basis of sexual ethics, but few gay men are likely to do so . That ethic is perceived as a system in which gay male or lesbian sexual expression is outside of acceptable boundaries. Why should we tum to such a system as a guide? Nor have we been eager to construct an alternative system. A homophobic and heterosexist culture has made most outlets for expression of gay identity both rare and risky. Genital sexual interaction has, therefore, been for many gay men a primary means of expressing our personal identity. Thus, it should be no surprise that few gay men are anxious to subscribe to any system of beliefs or norms that might provide a basis for decision making about sexual activity, even ifthat system has been constructed by other gay men. To do so would seem to be a surrender of self-definition. As a result, questions of sexual ethics tend to be considered by gay men more on a pragmatic or issue-oriented basis than from a standpoint of systems or norms. Nevertheless, a review of some of the sexual ethical issues suggests that the Christian gay man does have resources available from within his faith community. Asking whether "to be or not to be" in the closet, hiding gay male identity, is an ethical question. On one side of the issue are questions of respect for self and others -what does it say about my view of myself if I hide a significant part of who I am from those who are important to me? And what does it say about my view of others? Arguments on the other side of the issue may well raise consideration of survival or self-preservation, as well as responsibility for others. Should I place my job, my life, my family in jeopardy by coming out? And if I do suffer losses, what about those who may be dependent on me to meet their basic needs for shelter, food, clothing? In spite of what is sometimes described as "increased openness" to lesbians and gay men, many still see the issue of the closet in these stark survival terms. At another level of analysis, many feel that continued invisibility by lesbians and gay men contributes to their ongoing oppression in the culture. As suggested above, this matter also relates to the meaning that gay men may see in their sexual activity. If genital sexual interaction with another man is virtually my only means of expressing my gay identity, that reality will have an important effect on the forms of that expression. Combined with performance-oriented traditional male socialization, a person's "success" or "failure" (however he may define those terms) in the arena ofgenital sexuality may have a powerful impact on his ability to know and appreciate his own or others' complete personhood. Some gay men have taken a relatively casual approach to sex, seeing it primarily as a means for recreation, stress reduction, and communication with others. When the meaning of sexual interaction is seen in this light, the principal ethical considerations may be to be sure that all involved get what they wanted to get out of it, that partners' limits and needs are respected, that communication is clear and personally affirming. Because differing expectations can cause emotional pain, persons who enter these relationships have an obligation to ensure clarity. A traditional approach is to understand sexual interaction as an expression of love and of intimacy, as well as a means to intimacy. Many gay men struggle mightily with the interrelationships of sex, love, and intimacy. The distinctions and relationships among these realities may not be different than for heterosexuals or for lesbians. However, because both partners were socialized as men, both have likely learned the same lesson -such as "sex equals intimacy." This creates a special context for the ethical and other dilemmas involved. Many gay men make sexual ethical judgments based on intimacy as a primary value. These men ask whether sexual activity will foster or inhibit intimacy between themselves and a particular partner. They may also ask about its impact on their ability to maintain or create satisfactory intimate relationships with other persons. Intimacy is especially likely to be at stake in the issues of sexual ethics that arise for gay men in a coupled relationship. One frequent question is whether or not the partners should have sex outside the relationship. The question may arise even when the relationship is defined as "open" to sexual excursions beyond its bounds. The specific dynamics within a relationship at a given time may suggest that such activity would be inappropriate, even though it might be appropriate at another time. When intimacy within the primary relationship is highly valued, the couple has a basis for making these decisions. Other gay couples have covenanted for sexual exclusivity. (I resist the term monogamy because it is a term linked by definition to heterosexual marriage.) The presence of such a covenant suggests an additional level of ethical analysis to be done if the possibility of breaking it is contemplated. Most gay men would subscribe to Continued on p. 13 Open Hands 11 Continued from p. 10 For those of us who do find monogamy to our liking, I contend it is simply not enough. While a primary partner is nice (we can share a home, finances, fun, friends, sex, and family), there is an equally important need for such relationships to be generative, to make and find life outside of themselves. This is something that nonmonogamous relationships have built-in -the fresh, often complicating newness of others. Monogamously committed couples need this newness, too, whether in the form of an extended community, children, pets, challenging work, and/or volunteer commitments, whatever it takes to push the horizons of coupledness into the cosmos. I hear more and more about spirituality and celebration from lesbian women. I take it as a way we are all pushing, regardless of our relational status, for something more than predictable patriarchy promises. This spirituality is something to nurture . A second ethical issue that often arises is how to deal with our ex-lovers. Again heterosexuality has provided few clues. Most men discard their women lovers when sex is over; many women do the same with men, though I often hear a wistful "I wish we could be friends" from my straight sisters that echoes so many lesbian women's efforts to keep connected. Psychologists have a heyday on lesbian fusion issues, but I think the urge to be friends with ex-lovers is a healthy one, to a point. The truism that many women become lovers with their friends and many men become friends with their lovers is never more true than with lesbian women. While one night stands are not unknown among lesbians, the more common experience is that women friends become lovers. But when it is clear that the relationship is not going to be permanent, as is typically the case since few of us form a permanent couple with our first, second, or even third partner, what to do? Our healthy urge to maintain and even deepen friendships is laudable. But life goes on, and every community is not the size of New York. Sometimes it is necessary to let go of one another, to admit that being lovers was what being friends was about in the first place, and since it will not work we had best let go. Would that it were so easy. But hopefully we can say that how we break off a love relationship needs to be given at least as much attention as how we build one. That means a commitment to work through problems, with help if necessary, and some attention to the implications of our former relational status on the wider community. No one thinks of these things in the heat of betrayal or just plain disappointment. But it is something to consider just as much as who will get the cat. 12 Open Hands Third, many lesbian women I know find loving again after a break-up to be difficult unto impossible. Negative words and deeds from so-called friends make this understandable: it's over, they didn't make it, she lost, they quit, it's so painful. The fact is most break-ups are a sign of growth, honesty for a change, increased personal knowledge. I am not referring to putting a pretty face on what is usually a devastating experience. But the obligation of a supportive community, especially one that is based on a faith tradition that stresses hope and new life, is to see things in the big picture even if the persons most deeply involved are, understandably, more narrowly focused. The best strategy I know in this regard is to see friendship as learned behavior. We can teach children how to be friends, and we learn in every friendship something that is practice for the one to come. Finally, everyone loves to be loved , and most people enjoy sex. Lesbian women are no exception even though somewhere along the patriarchal line a lie got started that lesbian women were more interested in love than sex. This is fueled by studies that show that the frequency of sex diminished in all long-term relationships. In an effort to assure the world that we do not molest Girl Scouts nor lust after heterosexually married women (though some of them have been known to do more than lust after us!), lesbian women have earned a reputation for being nonsexual. Some of us may have been so busy saving the lesbian whales that we may have given this impression. It is time to correct it, to "come out" as the sexual beings that we are entitled to be. Of course, some lesbian couples, as some heterosexual couples, see the sexual spark go out of their relationships. This is neither necessary nor normative. Contrary to some opinions, we do not stay together for convenience' sake, out of habit or duty, nor for economic reasons. We stay together, as all healthy people do, because life together, both in bed and out, is better than life apart. Love and sex are compatible. We need not apologize nor hide behind a cloak of seeming celibacy. This is our birthright. These four issues -monogamy, breaking up, loving again, and sex -are among the major ethical concerns of many lesbian women. Of course, we are concerned with economic issues, racism , U.S. military involvement, and nuclear war. But these brief reflections on our lives take our communities one more step toward selfrespect and justice. Let's take another one .• Mary E. Hunt is a Catholic theologian who is co-director of WATER, Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics, and RituaL. She writes regularly in the WATERwheel. Continued from p. II the notion that people should keep the promises they make; failing to keep a promise is disrespectful to the other party and rarely fosters intimacy. A serious challenge arises from the situation in which no specific understandings about sexual exclusivity have been articulated. Lacking socially approved models for a relationship, expectations between members of a couple have to be either articulated or assumed. If the assumed expectations of each member of a couple about a particular subject are not similar, do the partners have obligations to one another? Some people would say that there is an obligation to "check out" a partner's expectation before doing something that might be contrary to it. Such behavior fosters intimacy. One would also say that a member of a couple who has especially strong feelings, for example, about the need for sexual exclusivity, has an obligation to articulate that expectation and to negotiate it with his partner. Recent studies show that many gay men are forming mutually sexually exclusive partnerships as one way ofdealing with the tragic reality of AIDS. When two uninfected men form a sexually exclusive couple and both abide by that covenant, they need not worry about the possibility of passing on a sexually transmitted disease from outside the relationship. This further complicates the ethical situation for the person who considers violating the covenant since he may incur an obligation to inform his partner or to begin to practice only "safer sex." The AIDS epidemic is the source of other ethical questions for gay men. One such question that deserves more attention is what responsibility one should take for helping to foster a climate in which safer sex is the norm. An immediate health risk does not arise when two uninfected persons have "unsafe" sex with each other. Since risking AIDS is risking death , however, some are arguing that all gay men (and for that matter all persons who are not in mutually exclusive relationships) should engage in only safer sex. This protects everyone against the possibility that a partner may lie about infection status. It also provides support for those persons who have a special difficulty in following safer-sex guidelines. With respect to the sexual transmission of AIDS, one person's risk may never be limited to that person alone. For several years now, gay men have been warning one another to have only safer sex no matter what their partner's infection status. Given the responsibility of each person to avoid risk, do those who are infected by the human immunodeficiency virus (HIV) have an obligation to tell prospective partners? Or does this obligation arise only when unprotected sex is contemplated? Does everyone have an obligation to know whether he is infected by HIV? Does a person who is infected have an obligation never to practice "unsafe" sex, even though a partner has knowingly chosen to take the risk? A particularly poignant ethical question arises for men who are attracted emotionally and sexually to someone who has been diagnosed with AIDS. At least some men have decided that they do not wish to go through the experience of living and loving with someone who can realistically be expected to die within a short time. These men may be recognizing and honoring their own limits in dealing with another's illness. If they feel they would be unable to offer an ill partner the presence, support, and tenderness he would need, it may well be best for both if they do not enter a relationship. On the other hand, no one lives forever, and no one can predict when accident or illness might strike. If I feel that I could not or would not be willing to be present to a partner under those circumstances, am I not obligated at least to disclose that to any potential partner, whatever their current health status? May I ethically decline to love, cherish, and care for someone who is ill or who is likely to die? T his is only a partial list of the sexual ethical questions gay men are facing currently. A second look reveals that behind the specific questions of "What shall I do (or not do) and with whom?" is a set of values decisions familiar to most people in the Judeo-Christian tradition. For example, within the set of questions related to coming out are issues related to self-respect, honesty, care for others, and the like. Other questions likewise point to matters having to do with respect versus exploitation, stewardship of God's gifts, honoring the dignity and worth of a creature of God, and others. There can be little doubt where the witness of scripture and tradition will lead us in response to these kinds of values questions. We are the inheritors of a faith that proclaims the worth of every human being, challenges us to witness to our love of God by the way we treat those who are in need, demands that justice and mercy be done, and calls for the liberation of the oppressed. From these imperatives arise obligations: to be honest with self and others; to act for the welfare of others and avoid harm; to be a good steward of the gifts that God has given us . Like other people of faith, gay men may disagree about the application of these principles to specific ethical questions. But the resource is there and the community of faith offers a setting in which to explore the questions that emerge .• Morris L. Floyd is a member of the California-Pacific Annual Conference ofthe United Methodist Church and is on the board ofthe National Gay and Lesbian Task Force. He has long been active in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Open Hands 13 SU STAINING THE SPIRIT Litany of Supportive Community Leader: We are t0gether in this pface today with different 6adi.9roundS) cfifferent taCents and commitments) different COnceT115. PEOPLE: TO EACH OTHER WE SAY: We sfiare a faith inJesus Cfirist and a commitment to the purpose of Cfiristianity. This is our 60ru{, and it is as compeffil19 as the one 6etween Ruth and Naomi. Leader: As we seek a moaeC for our community of [ave) Ruth sym6oCize5 Cove and CoyaCty)faithJuCness and wi[Cingness to risR hardS hip for the safi.e ofothers. vVe wou[cf 6e Rutfls to a[[ Naomis: to those who face 6ittemess who are moving into new Cife experiences, those who share our dreams and hopes) and those who have cfifferent dreams. We havefriendS whose ener9ies are et19agecf 6y activities and issues cfifferent fro m our own. PEOPLE: TO THEM WE SAY: We wiU not Leave you. We are 9Cad that you are worlUl19 in areas we cannot. We wiU support you in your efforts and request your support of each of us in ours. We rec09niu that onry thnn'9h such diversity oftaLents and conunitments can we 6uild t0gether a new heaven and earth. Leader: There are peapCe in our Churches and communities with whom we strot19 !Y disagree on issues ofcurrent concern in our church and socie"!)'. PEOPLE: TO THEM WE SAY: We wiU not a6arufonyou. We wiU listen to your views and wiU sfiare our ideas with you openry and frankry. We wiU de6ate with you w hen necessary. We wiU not shrink from creative conffict. Yet we wiUaLways remember that we sfiare a common Fuunanity and Leader: There are friendS among us with speciaC pro6fems and d£ep pai11.S) for whom life is especiaC!y cfifficuCt. PEOPLE: TO THEM \;VE SAY: We wiU 90 with you thr0U9h your vaCfeys. We may not aLways know your stories, t~h we are open to fiearil19 tliem. We may not wuferstandyour pain, t~h we wiU try. We wiU sfiare the Coad ifyou wiU affow us to. Leader: We have friendS in our Churches and our communities who have chosen CifestyCes we do not uncferstand. PEOPLE: TO THEM WE SAY : We wiU Cove you and accept you. We wiU not ju£lge your decision, as we ask. you not to ju£lge ours. We wiU join you in worlUl19 for a world where peopCe are respected and differences are ceCe6rated. Leader: There are those perso11.S we CabeC "them, " who are different from us) who choose this difference) whom we Cabe[ as cfifferent, who threaten us, at1ger us, fri9hten us. PEOPLE: TO THEM WE SAY: We wiU name our differences, our concerns, our fears and seek. to Cove within tliem. We wiU seek. to see in aU persons God's revefation of Cove and acceptance, the source of our ma. Leader: vVith Ruth we say: III vvi[[ 90 with you." God calIs us now to risR the next step -not just lito90 ivith" 6ut to em6race, to ho[cf) and to heaL PEOPLE: WE HEAR THE CALL. We ask. for stretl9th and courClge to 6~in Uvil19 the cau. are cfiHdren of one God. ALL: AMEN AND AMEN. 14 Open H ands Persona! RefCections Thinking a60ut what sexuaL" ethics means for one's self 5) what is the pface of Goct church, and spirituaCity in is often di§icuft. I rufeecf, it can 6e frustrating, threatening, her or his experience and ethics? even painfoL Yet stu:h ethicaL souC-searching can aCso 6e pro6) How have your own experiences of God, the Hoo/, and founcf(y rewarding, prodUcing a deepened sense of personaL spirituaCity 6een shaped 6y your experience ofsexuaL"ity? identity, self-understanding, self-respect, and accompCish7) How has new knowCedge a60ut sexuaL"ity injTuenced ment. your reflection a60ut sexuaL" ethics? As the personaL stories shared here are rejfecwf upon, 8) How would you rank these factors invoCved in Cove resome questions might 6e particuCaro/ usejUC for this process. Cationships? Consideration of what ethicaL principCes may underCie these • personaL whoCeness statements and of the types of ethicaL reflection 6eing done • open and honest communication could prod the 6f9inning or expansion ofone's own reJTection • vuCnera6iCity on personaL sexuaL" ethics. • uftimatums in intimate/Cove reCationships • spiritual commitment aruVor experience1) what vafues does each writer affirm as positiveo/ im• one's sense of self-id'entity pacting her or his sexuaL"ity, growth, and reCationships? • what the Bi6Ce says 2) what vafues does she or he consider and not affirm? • what the minister says 3) what sources and authorities does she or he use in affirming personaL decisions? what other factors wouldyou aM as 6eing important? 4) What experiences seem to have 6een major injTuences in each writer's story and ethicaC tfeveCopment? Striving Toward Wholeness W hen I was first asked to write an article on sexual ethics, I had to restrain myself from laughing out loud. Me ... , the one recently accused of having none? Life certainly provides its ironies. Then I wondered if I could write anything about the process I've been going through recently, trying to arrive at a sexual ethic for myself. I certainly feel I can speak only for myself, and not anyone else in this matter. One major dilemma that continues for me is the issue of whether monogamy within a primary, committed relationship is the ideal to be emulated. For many of my friends, this is not questioned; it is simply accepted as a given, one of the criteria for being a "real Christian." But, for me, many questions remain. When I first began to recognize my ambisexuality -that is, my capacity for intimately loving both men and women, somewhat in a gender-blind by Peggy R. Gaylord way -the discovery was primarily intellectual. As a product of a society where heterosexuality is the norm, I never expected to act on the portion of my sexuality that drew me toward other women. Later, however, when I did become sexually intimate with another woman, I felt joyful doors opening inside of me, similar to when I had acted on my sexuality with a man . I felt the excitement of discovery, of becoming vulnerable with another, of growing toward more wholeness and freedom. At the same time, I felt the discrimination of heterosexuals and homosexuals alike -that I should choose one or the other, usually with the implication that I be willing to accept my "gayness." For me, that would have meant denying my "straightness," the strong attraction I felt for men as well as women. However, it is the insight that I have of both sides that I feel allows me to respond to the call I experience, and to function better as a reconciler. For those of us who are not heterosexual (and for some of us who are), the myths that society proffers about heterosexuality do not fit well. Since uncovering those myths, I no longer accept much without thorough exploration. I have had to sculpt my own path for the journey into my sexuality. Consequently, I'm not convinced that other myths such as exclusive monogamy fit for me either. In fact, pursuing monogamy might just be another attempt for people of other orientations to try to buy acceptance from heterosexuals. Indeed, determining whether to be monogamous is very complex. Sometimes in sorting out what is involved, it's easier to know or feel what is not the case, rather that what is. If I am not monogamous, I am not necessarily promiscuous; I am not having a "fling" or being hedonistic or selfish; and I do Continued on p . /6 Open H ands 15 Continued from p. J5 not think it means I have a sexual addiction. I take sexual intimacy very seriously as an outgrowth of relationship. For many years, I have believed that sexual intimacy can be simply an expression of friendship. Obviously, whether it occurs in a particular instance depends on mutual agreement of individual boundaries. Simultaneously, I have also expected or suspected that one individual would not be able to fulfill all my needs, desires, and fantasies; nor I theirs. Before my most recent relationship and in the first few years of it, neither of us was exclusively intimate with the other. Then we entered a period of time, without discussion, when we weren't involved with anyone else. For me, it was a pragmatic monogamy. Being sexually involved with more than one person takes more energy for juggling priorities and being sensitive to the situation. Sometimes I had felt guilty , thinking the energy should be redirected to more "productive" purposes. This partly occurred because II we/she wanted to have a lifetime relationship. We thought we had to make decisions always first in terms of how our couple relationship would be affected. I think many same-sex couples work very hard at trying to continue a relationship, partly because there's nothing in our society that supports us in long-term relationships. But subjugating our individual selves to the couple has resulted in a fusion that makes separateness almost impossible. Apart from the fusion that has occurred, sometimes I ask myself whether I could be any more committed in a monogamous relationship than in one that clearly has primacy in my life but may not be monogamous. My ideal relationship includes willingness to risk exploration of the depths of emotional and physical intimacy, concern with the growth and fulfillment of each other and of the relationship, and, of course, honesty and trust. What becomes the issue in a relationship is the conflict of needs between my partner and myself, when there is no apparent, mutually agreeable resolution. If my partner desires monogamy and issues me an ultimatum to that effect, then if I choose not to be monogamous her/his trust is broken and other dynamics in our relationship are impacted. Because societally we have moved toward serial monogamy rather than a singular lifetime relationship, perhaps it is very threatening if a partner becomes involved with someone else. The implication is that a choice will have to be made, with the risk that we may lose our life together as we've known it. A few months ago, if anyone had asked me to talk about my personal sexual ethic, I would have had no idea what to say. Perhaps, "I have nothing to share ," or "I've never thought about it," or "I don't even know what sexual ethic means." Those certainly were my initial reactions when I was asked to write this article. Yet for some strange reason, I agreed. Looking ethic up in the dictionary didn't help me much. All I found were such things as "good and bad" and "moral obligation." But, when I began to look inside myself and to consciously explore this topic, I came to a surprising realization: my sexual ethic has been a process, one that started long before I was aware of it. For a long time, my thoughts, behaviors, and feelings concerning sexuality and sexual behavior were based on what others told me was right and wrong. The influence of my family and the church was strong. I accepted their teachings with the innocence of a child. But, as I began to struggle with my sexuality, I found I had lost my innocence. I could no longer blindly accept what I was being told. The message 16 Open Hands that God loved me but that my emerging lesbian identity was sinful put me in turmoil. There were years I could not reconcile these two parts of me. As John E. Fortunato has described his own, similar struggle, I felt I was on "a spirituality-sexuality teeter-totter. A rather unsettling oscillation. Reject one, lift up the other. Reverse. Reverse. Affirming a piece of myself while denying another." 1 The solution to my dilemma came when I began to question the messages I had received. When I was able and willing to look at the possibility that these messages were lies, I was thrown into an exciting, yet often painful, journey toward wholeness that could encompass my sexuality and spirituality. I finally knew that God loves me as a person and as a lesbian. Once I had questioned the messages about my sexuality, the natural progression was to question what others had told me was right and wrong in terms of sexual behavior. Do I deny my feelings and expression of those feelings because of how others expect me to behave? I had denied myself for too long. It was time to explore, to experi- Risking Intimacy ment, to determine what feels right for me. The question remained of how I would know what is right for me, especially when old messages continued their influence. In some sense, the process has been one of trial and error. Certainly, I have made some choices that were not healthy for me. But I have learned from them. As I've struggled for wholeness, I've come to understand a person's inherent need for intimacy. This is clearly understood in many psychological theories, such as psychologist Abraham H. Maslow's hierarchy of needs. There have also been studies of infants who were deprived of physical touch compared to those who were not. The deprived infants' development was retarded, showing the importance of physical touch to our well-being. For me, as for many others who have experienced inappropriate, negative touching in the past, accepting this need for intimacy can oftentimes be difficult and frightening. It can be a struggle to allow, accept, and take in the nurturing and love offered by another in physical I've generally believed that I should try to enjoy present experiences in such a way as not to injure future ones. I think personal growth requires close friendships with others as well as a partner. What I look for in all friendships or relationships is the experience of my own and others' vulnerability, openness to possibility, and re-energizing -all of which brings me and the other another step closer to healing or wholeness, refreshing us for whatever life struggles we're engaged in. f!owever, what is appropriate for me in one context may be only partially appropriate in another. If I experience healing or growth in a friendship, that will enhance my primary relationship. But, if my primary partner does not want me to be emotionally or physically intimate with another, the detrimental effects may outweigh the enhancement. I would prefer to be able to trust in the constancy of an enduring lifelong commitment. Serial monogamy is not appealing. But, as with all else, there are risks and pain involved. Why would I risk everything I have now? Why won't I promise monogamy and leave it at that? My ultimate criterion is whether a situation brings me closer to my personal wholeness. Then, it is not simply an issue of whether I am physically intimate or not in the context of emotional intimacy -it is an issue of whether I have the freedom to choose to be, and the freedom to choose not to be. I am not convinced that this is impossible, just that I haven't figured out how to make it manageable. I'm reminded of some words from a song: "We're travelin' on a road we've never seen before ... but somewhere there's a promise ... that those who seek will someday know." I We are moving into new times where old myths no longer work well for us. I don't know the answers, but I'm compelled to reach for them in the dark and in the moments of light. As I do, I need to be open in whatever way I can be, combining future and past, thoughts and feelings. Artist and songwriter Judy Fjell sings: /'m living on dreams for now And /' m listening to the sounds of my own past 'Cause there are things my heart knows better Than my mind can ever reason . 2 Notes 1. Doris Ellzey Blesoff, "We Are Gathered," in Michael Bausch and Ruth Duck, eds. , Everjlowing Streams (New York: Pilgrim Press, 1981). 2. Judy Fjell, "Living on Dreams." Peggy R. Gaylord is coconvenor of the Methodist Federationfor Social Action in the Wyoming Annual Conference. a Reconciling Conference. She reluctantly admits to managing a computer consulting group. by Jan Olson closeness. It can require the willingness to risk being vulnerable, the risk of opening up myself and sharing with another. My journey has moved me from the act of sexual physicalness, in and of itself, to one encompassing mind, body, and spirit. The need for emotional intimacy, which mayor may not lead to sexual intimacy, has become the focus. And in each instance I have learned to ask myself if my behavior and that of the other person helps to increase my sense of worth or reinforces the negative messages of the past. Do my actions affirm me as a person capable of giving and receiving love? Do they allow me to be everything God created me to be, including the longtime denied sexual being that I am? These are the questions I ask to determine what's right and wrong for me in other words, my sexual ethic. When I began to ask these questions of myself, I found that sexual intimacy took on a different form. I began to experience how this connectedness with another can have a spiritual quality that brings healing. As Rebecca Parker has written, "Sexual intimacy imparts to us a knowledge of oursel ves as a powerful presence, and love as enjoyment of the presence of power of another. As such, making love is a means of moving beyond a sense of ourselves as passive. It saves us from the sin of feeling helpless and empty, which leads to the horrible despair of believing we have no being.,,2 I have been blessed to experience this within myself and within the life of another because I was willing to be vulnerable and open. Sexual intimacy has brought healing and hope as I've allowed myself to express love and accept another's expression of it. Does everything I've said mean I can have intimacy, emotional or sexual, with anyone I meet? Maybe, or maybe not. The answer depends for me on two factors. The first is whether I feel safe to be vulnerable with this person. This usually occurs when I feel an acceptance of who I am and where I'm at in the present. It happens when I share my thoughts and feelings and do not feel rejected or ridiculed. The second important element in determining whether intimacy can be shared is the other person's thoughts and feelings. If I am not accepting of her or his personhood, any true intimacy is blocked and the healing quality cannot be present. There is no one sexual ethic for all. Each of us is different and must take responsibility for ourselves. We each must determine what is right for us, keeping in mind that it is a process, ever changing as we change. My journey is not finished. My process of defining my sexual ethic will continue as I change, but as long as I move forward in the search for wholeness I will continue to make more and more healthy choices. Notes 1. John E. Fortunato, Embracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians (Minneapolis: Winston Press, 1982), p. 12. 2. Rebecca Parker, "Making Love as a Means of Grace: Women's Reflections," Open Hands 3, no. 3 (Winter 1988): II. Jan Olson is a substance abuse counselor in Waukegan . Illinois. and national treasurer ofAffirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Open Hands 17 Developing the Christ Within T hinking through what ethics means for me has been more painful than I ever imagined. I found myself struggling first to get to the basics of a Christian ethical teaching one freed from the prejudices of culture, history, and time. This starting point has been particularly important for me as a gay Christian, since culture, history, and social mores have more influence on the ethical teachings that frequently condemn gay men and lesbians than do Christ's teachings. Of course, it is no new thing for human societies to presume to determine God's morallethicallaws. In U.S. history, for example, churches have taken what they claimed were clear, biblical stands both affirming and opposing such issues as slavery , women's rights, and subjugation of Native Americans. On a more personal note, I recall my West Indian mother's story of how she devoutly followed the rules of the church in which she was raised. These rules provided that she should never cut or "straighten" her hair. Such a transgression was considered a sign of moral failure. After coming to the United States, she discovered that Christian women here routinely both cut and straightened their hair without being damned to hell. It took years for my mother to determine that standards which the church had spent so much time extolling were nothing more than the temporal standards of culture and history. C learly, for principles of ethics I cannot look only to the guidance of the church, which frequently prefers an ethic based on cultural morality rather than wholeness and growth. Instead , I must go back to the basic source of my ethical teachings. I must find an ethic bigger than culture, time, or personal history. 18 Open Hands by Ralph Williams For me, the basic principle is to love God and to follow God's everpresent guidance. That means that, in my own living , I must submit to the life of God's spirit within and not to the dictates of culture. Indeed, it may mean submitting to the guidance of the Spirit in direct opposition to the prejudicial requirements of culture. As a gay man, this has given me freedom to realize my wholeness within the whole of the spiritual , physical, sexual life that God has given me. Coming to understand the difference between my faith and my culture was the beginning of the formation of an appropriate ethical base for my life. I have come to understand that Christ calls me to wholeness and not cultural ethics. I can now see that, like my mother, I had been bound to a culturally based ethic and that overcoming that ethic was my primary task. The ethic to which I was bound told me that I was not a good person because of whom God created me to be as a gay man. Accepting that ethic withered away my self-esteem and self-acceptance -the very basis on which any consistent internal ethic must stand. Any attempt to formulate an idea of ethics without self-acceptance was futile. I had to first know myself to be good to formulate and motivate myself to do good. I have spent so much time getting to self acceptance that I have only recently begun to address the resulting ethical issues that confront my life not those artificial ones that I had been given and had unwittingly accepted, but the real issues for my wholeness and integrity. I am unprepared to make definitive statements concerning ethical standards that follow on accepting my gayness as a good part of my God-given humanity. Indeed, my journey has made me extremely cautious in asserting the existence of universal ethical codes in any more than broad principles. What is becoming increasingly important, though, as I seek not just ethics but spiritual growth is to place myself within the context of open, loving relationships within the gay/lesbian Christian community. In common study and sharing of our journeys, I have come to know gay ethics and personal integrity in a new light. This ethic includes the integrity of coming out of the closet when remaining there can more easily protect property and prestige.· Within the community, I have seen an ethic that deals honestly and openly with a positive HIV status when denial could have been easier. These examples constitute more important issues of gay ethics than that of the sexual morality often placed before us. On such issues as monogamy and sexual morality, I don't pretend to know what is right for everyone. For me, a monogamous relationship is becoming more right as I seek to work on commitment, growth, and stability in my intimate human relationships. However, in many ways, the overriding question is not monogamy itself but whether or not I can give and receive the most intimate of human love in a life-enhancing way. Freed from a social ethic that condemns, I find myself growing more in my capacity for such intimacy. In the final analysis, I have too often found the social ethic to be the source of social bigotry and mindless conformity. Freed from it, growth has been possible within the gayllesbian Christian community as I have worked to develop my integrity through development of the Christ within . • Ralph Williams is a member of Mid-Atlantic Affirmation. He resides in Washington, D.C. RESOURCES General Ethical Method Niebuhr, H. Richard. The Responsible Self. San Francisco: Harper & Row , 1978. Outlines an ethic based on taking seriously human freedom and on a human place in a partnership with God. Oates, Wayne E. Convictions that Give You Confidence. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1984. A good, nontechnical resource for persons wanting to reflect on their own faith and ethics. Has practical exercises and suggestions for aiding a person's process of discovery and decision . Sellers, James. Theological Ethics. New York: Macmillan, 1966 (out of print). A somewhat technical but helpful book outlining some of the tasks of theological ethics in general, making distinctions about morality and ethics, and outlining a way to look at Christian ethics in general . sexual Ethics Batchelor, Edward, Jr., ed. Homosexuality and Ethics. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1980. Selections of several theologians and ethicists, showing a range of positions and their supporting rationales, with helpful critiques at the end. Harrison, Beverly W. Making the Connections: Essays in Feminist Social Ethics. Boston: Beacon Press, 1985. "Misogyny and Homophobia" is especially powerful. international Christian Digest 2: no. I (February 1988). Includes solid, brief articles on "Sexuality and Spirituality," "Adolescent Sexuality," "A Sexual Ethic for Singles," and "Aging and Intimacy." Kosnik, Anthony, et al. Human Sexuality: New Directions in American Catholic Thought. New York: Paulist Press, 1977. A solid study of the subject. The chapter on ethics presents a suggestion of new ethical values to be considered in sexual ethics. Scanzoni, Letha D awson . Sexual ity. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1984. Written primarily for women; helpful for men , too. Honest, direct, takes the power of sexuality and sexual experiences seriously. Spong, John Shelby. Living in Sin? San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988. Carefully explores biblical attitudes toward women and toward homosexuality, distinguishing from divine truth and the cultural worldviews of the Bible's writers. Strives to make the Bible a "source of life" and "a guide in the area of sexual ethics." Uhrig, Larry J. Sex Positive: A Gay Contribution to Sexual and Spiritual Union. Boston: Alyson, 1986. Explores why the church is so often "sex-negative." Posits that it is time to create a new sexual ethic that combines responsible, caring attitudes with a "sexpositive approach to life and religion." Spiritualify Edwards, George R. GaylLesbian Liberation: A Biblical Perspective. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1984. Argues that gay/lesbian liberation is a valid liberation theology and that homophobia cannot claim biblical basis. Fox, Matthew. A Spirituality Named Compassion; and the Healing of the Global Village, Humpty Dumpty and Us. Minneapolis: Winston Press, 1979. Makes suggestions concerning sexuality in a "creation spirituality" perspective. Chapter 2 is especially helpful. Hurcombe, Linda, ed. Sex and God: Some Varieties of Women's Religious Experience. New York: Routledge & Kegan Paul, 1987. An assortment of feminist perspectives about sexuality and spirituality in the Judeo-Christian tradition. Subjects include, among others, promiscuity and monogamy; sex, politics, and spirituality; feminist "embodied" theology. Nelson, James B. Between Two Gardens; Reflections on Sexuality and Religious Experience. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1984. A series of essays about various religious issues, including homosexuality, from his perspective of a "sexual theology ." Nelson, James B. Embodiment: An Approach to Sexuality and Christian Theology. Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1978. The best single book on sexuality from a holistic, Christian perspective, with an excellent survey of theological and ethical opinion on homosexuality, and suggestions for ministry. A ground-breaking book. Section on love and sexual ethics lays out some of the important differences in method one can see in different sexual ethical statements. Nouwen, Henri. Reaching Out: The Three Movements of the Spiritual Life. New York: Doubleday, 1986. Helpful thoughts for this area, keeping before us the broader issues of what he calls the three movements of spiritual life. Scanzoni, Letha, and Mollenkott, Virginia Ramey. Is the Homosexual My Neighbor? San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1978. Presents a case for a fundamental shift in Christian attitudes toward gay/lesbian persons. United Church of Christ, Board for Homeland Ministries. Human Sexuality: A Preliminary Study. New York: United Church Press, 1977. A report by the UCC's Task Force to Study Human Sexuality prepared prior to that denomination's 1977 General Synod pronouncements on human sexuality. Contains excellent biblical resources, with sections on ethical method and biblical interpretation. Persona! Stories Brown, Rita Mae. Rubyfruit Jungle. New York: Bantam, 1973. Novelized account of a young woman's growth. Fortunato, John. Embracing the Exile: Healing Jour ney s of Gay Chri stia ns. Minneapolis: Seabury Press, 1982. Excellent book on the interaction of sexuality and spirituality, and the invitation to growth that gay/lesbian/bisexual experiences of "exile" can provide. Has much more than just his story. Glaser, Chris. Uncommon Calling: A Gay Man's Struggle to Serve the Church. San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1988. A gay Presbyterian tells of his struggle to develop a sexual ethic for his life, as well as to serve his denomination in a professional capacity. Oates, Wayne E. The Struggle to Be Free: My Story and Your Story. Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1983. Personal story of a leader in the pastoral counseling movement and his various decision points. (Sexuality is not a prominent part of his story, but it illustrates the process of clarification of one's personal ethic.) Open Hands 19 SPECIAL REPORT Cloud of Witnesses: by barb ffi. janes The 32nd General Council of the United Church of Canada The 32nd General Council ofthe United Church ofCanada made religious news headlines around the world this past August with its proclamation that "all persons, regardLess oftheir sexual orientation, who profess Jesus Christ and obedience to Him, are welcome to be or becomefuLL members ofthe Church." Furthermore, the council stated that "all members ofthe Church are eligible to be consideredfor ordered ministry." "Ordered" ministry includes both ordained and diaconal ministers. In recognition ofthe historic nature ofthat declaration, we have invited an Open Hands reader who closely followed the United Church action to share her observations with us in this special report. The United Church of Canada. with about two million members. is the largest Protestant denomination in Canada. It was formed in 1925 through the merger ofthe Methodist Church, the Congregational Union ofCanada. the Councils ofLocal Union Churches. and 70 percent ofthe Presbyterian Church in Canada . The Canadian Conference of the Evangelical United Brethren Church became part of the United Church in /968. The United Church is divided into conferences which meet annually. Each conference is comprised ofpresbyteries. The General Council meets every two years with commissioners recommended by the presbyteries and elected by the conferences. The decision-making structure ofthe denomination is presbyterian. BLAM! A woman's startled cry ... a gay man hit the deck in fear ... then silence ... and then the rancorous discussion about homosexuality continued at the 32nd General Council of the United Church of Canada. The bang was not, thank God, a gunshot, but merely an exploded light bulb. Yet a gunshot would not have been a complete surprise at this particular General Council, which had on its agenda the recommendations of the report 'Toward a Christian Understanding of Sexual Orientation, Lifestyles, and Ministry." This report included the contentious recommendation 2a, which asked the church to "affirm that sexual orientation in and of itself is not a barrier to participation in all aspects of the life and ministry of the Church, including the order of ministry." Security guards patrolled the site, while right-wing Christian groups leafleted commissioners and held press conferences denouncing our denomination for even considering such an action. United Church congregations across the land had held meetings to discuss the report, meetings at which statements such as "We don't have queers in our church" and "Line 'em up and shoot 'em" largely went unchallenged. Despite the rather pervasive attitude of homophobia, most conferences had asked the General Council to approve recommendation 2a. The release of "the report," as it has come to be known, brought to birth the Community of Concern (COC), a male-clergy-dominated group within the denomination. The COC has only one spoken agenda: to keep gay men and lesbians out of United Church pulpits, if not out of the church. The COC couches its rhetoric in palatable, middle-of-the-road terms, emphasizing its "concern" for the church rather than its homophobia. It fosters a mistrust of 20 Open Hands the national church, uses a campaign of disinformation regarding church structures and how they work, advocates that people withhold their giving to the churchwide Mission and Service Fund, and threatens to leave the denomination and take "their" congregations with them. Two other groups within the United Church were hoping against hope that 2a would pass: Affirm, lesbians and gay men of the United Church of Canada, and Friends of Affirm, others who support Affirm's goals. These groups, founded in 1982, are poorly funded and geographically scattered. In the early years of Affirm, only a few people could choose to speak publicly and openly as gay men and lesbians. Today, there are a few more, but the situation largely remains one of "familiar faces, hidden lives." At the conference meetings, members of Affirm and Friends of Affirm wore buttons proclaiming "Oui Affirm." At General Council, the button campaign expanded to include T-shirts and sweatshirts with the same logo, making our presence visible both on the floor of council and in the visi tors' gallery. The festive Affirm booth boasted banners, an ongoing video on the rightful place of lesbians and gay men in the church, and helium-filled lavender and pink balloons stamped with the words: "Oui Affirm. We're here for good!" One irate parent was heard to exclaim to a whining child, "Never mind, dear, we'll get you a normal balloon." Important as all this was, the real impact was made by the loving presence of the members and Friends of Affirm who staffed the booth, including the mother of a gay man, a retired professor of church history, a nurse, an organist, a political aide, and many others. Their patient and loving presence melted a few hard hearts. S PECIAL REPORT Affirm and Friends had low expectations of this General Council. We were not at all sure that 2a would pass; indeed, it seemed that the best we could hope for would be yet another period of further study. Our request to the General Council Executive that Affirm's two spokespeople be given speaking privileges was turned down. The General Council of some 388 commissioners had to consider close to 1,800 petitions on the report (mostly negative). Of course, the church also had to deal with such other pressing issues as Free Trade, the place of children in the church, sexism, and the recognition of the All Native Circle Conference. General Council assigned its work to sessional committees, whose task it was to sift through the reports and petitions on a particular issue and bring back recommendations to the full council. Several of the 24 members of the committee which would deal with "the report" and the 1,800 related petitions were publicly identified with COC. None of its members were members of Affirm, although Affirm had expressed to the church its willingness to dialogue. The sessional committee worked to consensus: all members of the committee would have to agree or say "I can live with that" to any action or statement coming from the committee. The committee's first major decision was to put aside the report and to frame in its place a consensus statement on Membership, Ministry, and Human Sexuality. The statement was more than we expected and less than we hoped for. The "more" was that "all persons regardless of their sexual orientation who profess faith in Jesus Christ and obedience to Him are welcome to be or become full members of the church." A confession of participation in homophobia and persecution was accompanied by asking the church at all levels to advocate human rights for gay men and lesbians. The "less" was, and remains, that there is no enforcement to any of this, so that lesbian and gay church folk remain unprotected, especially those who are in ordered ministry. During General Council debate, the COC raised procedural questions as often as possible (and frequently inappropriately). They tried to make the council separate orientation from practice, a strategy that was defeated by laughter when one wag asked, "If I wink at someone over the frozen foods in the grocery store, is that orientation or practice?" Supporters of Affirm who were commissioners spoke about love, about the gospel call to be an inclusive church, and about the ministries of lesbians and gay men. Other commissioners spoke of immorality , abomination, sodomites, and, in one regrettable instance, necrophilia, bestiality, and AIDS. Such showing of naked hatred and the misuse of procedure did not help the C~C's cause. W hat was it that swayed General Council? How could they have approved the very thing that most of the church feared? Commissioners returning to their home presbyteries have been told that they were "brainwashed by the powerful and well-funded homosexual lobbying group." The story was told of an elderly woman who had come to the council absolutely convinced that homosexuals should not be ministers. She worked at the local arrangements booth across the aisle from the Affirm booth and watched the members of Affirm and Friends show unfailing patience, good humour, and tenderness, not only with one another but also with anyone who stopped to talk. Their faithfulness changed her mind. Affirm and Friends also displayed a strong loyalty to and love for our denomination, never once threatening to leave the church that is our home and birthright. Our faith was further evidenced in defining our struggle in terms of calling the church to be faithful, rather than speaking in C~C's winllose vocabulary. But most clearly, the work of General Council was the work of the Spirit, who eludes description and cries out for recognition. The COC has renamed the Spirit "the heat of the moment," but those more open to the ways of God felt an embracing wind of change, calling God's people to risk faithfulness, even if that includes being misunderstood and persecuted. But the United Church continues to be sorely tempted to a more comfortable faithfulness. The COC continues its campaign, strong enough that the General Council Executive has set up a committee to meet with COC representatives in the hopes of coming up with a common ground. To date, Affirm has never been consulted in the process that affects the lives of lesbians and gay men in the church. During the closing worship of General Council, a slide show depicted the life of this particular council: chil., dren, theological reflectors, youth, ecumenical visitors, theme presentations, the Native celebration, worship, lunch line-ups ... and not one picture of anyone wearing a "Oui Affirm" button or shirt. The theme of this General Council was "Called to Covenant," yet the place of lesbians and gay men in the church calls this covenant a sham. As one of Affirm's spokespeople said, "I feel like we've been invited to the table, but we've been given chairs so low we can't reach the food." But the last word in this tear-stained chapter of the church's history is God's. Hope has come to us in the sharp, clear sense that God is on our side and we will live to see God's righteousness. Affirm and Friends feel a deepening sense of spirituality which many compare to the spirituality that gave civil rights workers the courage to face bigots with no shield but prayer. We are learning to walk back to back and to keep on dissenting toward justice .• A copy of the United Church of Canada statement, entitled "Membership, Ministry, and Human Sexuality," can be ordered from the United Church Publishing House, 85 St. Clair Avenue East, Toronto, Ontario M4T IM8, Canada. barb m. janes is a minister in the United Church of Canada who has long been an advocate of rights and rites for lesbians and gay men. She is presently working with the congregation ofMount Royal United Church in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan. Open Hands 21 ~~~--------R_C_P_R_E_P_O_R_T----R-~-~-~-~-~OU-- Welcome to a New Reconciling Congregation We welcome the United Church of Rogers Park in Chicago as the 36th Reconciling Congregation. Rogers Park is well-known to many RCP supporters as the congregation which graciously hosted the convocation of Reconciling Congregations in March 1987. The United Church of Rogers Park, with 240 members, was created by the merger of two congregations , United Methodist and Congregational, in 1971. Its mission statement, adopted in 1984, proclaims Rogers Park as a "diverse, active, urban congregation, seeking to proclaim the love of God by words and deeds that free and heal." The congregation has been active in work against racism, in opposition to nuclear weapons, and in the sanctuary movement. The congregation is located in a diverse community on the far north side of Chicago. Its programs include a thrift shop, soup kitchen, tutoring, and outreach to nursing homes and to persons with handicapping conditions. The congregation provides space for a day care center, a Spanish-speaking "base community," and many other organizations. The congregation began its official journey toward becoming a Reconciling Congregation with the c0nvening of a group concerned with issues of sexuality and homophobia in September 1987. During its monthly meetings over the course of a year, this group engaged in study, prayer, and dialogue, culminating in the writing of a statement of reconciliation. This statement was then adopted by the Administrative Council and the charge conference. * * As we approached our production deadline, we learned of a 37th Reconciling Congregation -Euclid UMC in Oak Park, Illinois. We will officially welcome them in the next issue of Open Hands. What local church leaders say about our new videotape: ".. .an excellent tool for engaging in genuine discussion. " " ... a deeply moving film that helped me understand God's love better. " " ... definitely God's message of reconciliation. " CASTING OUT FEAR: Reconciling Ministries with Gay/Lesbian United Methodists Casting Out Fear poignantly tells stories from Reconciling Congregations, United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministries with lesbians and gay men. These stories portray the pain and estrangement lesbians and gay men feel in the church and the hope of reconciliation found in these congregations. Speakers include: Bishop Melvin Wheatley, Dr. Tex Sample, Dr. Emilie Townes. Produced and directed by W. Marshall Jones, 1988. 38 mins. VHS format Purchase price -$100 3~-day Rental -$20 Send your prepaid order to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, TN 37202; or call 202/863-1586. Beginning with the Summer 1989 issue., we will begin accepting paid advertising in Open Hands. For rate information or other questions, write Open Hands. P.O. Box 23636, Washington, D.C. 20026, or call 202/863-1 586. And God Loves Each One Published The printer began work at 4:00 AM on a Sunday morning, which allowed Dumbarton UMC (Washington, D.C.) to celebrate the publication of And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on Homosexuality and the Church at its December 18, 1988, worship with final copies in hand! At the invitation of the Reconciling Congregation Program, Dumbarton' s Task Force on Reconciliation began work on the resource a year ago. With Ann Thompson Cook as primary writer and with input from many sectors of the church and education communities, a concise, easy-to-read, and informative booklet was created. Personalized with photographs of lesbians and gay men in a multitude of settings, the booklet provides an ideal resource for congregations and individuals beginning to explore lesbian/gay concerns in the church. Initial demand for the book has been high and the response overwhelmingly enthusiastic, noting that it fills a gap in existing resources. Orders for over 500 copies were received before the book was printed! Every venture we undertake has its "miracle" element. As the book entered final production in early November, it became clear that sufficient financial support from foundations and private organizations would not be available to complete the project. A hasty appeal to friends of the RCP provided $3,725 in contributions from 20 individuals and organizations in the last month. We give thanks for the generous supporters and for God's gracious providence. If you have not yet seen a copy of And God Loves Each One, see the order information in the ad at right. If you would like to take copies on consignment to sell to others, call 202/863-1586. 22 Open Hands Rep REPORT Resources for AIDS Ministries We have received infonnation on two new resources available for congregations and other groups involved in ministries with persons with AIDS. An "AIDS Ministries Network" has been launched by the Health and Welfare Department of the UMC General Board of Global Ministries. Members of this network of "United Methodists and others who care about the global AIDS crisis and those whose lives have been touched by AIDS" will receive an AIDS Ministries Network Alert. The Alert will sometimes take the fonn of a focus paper and at other times will provide infonnation about AIDS ministry work being carried out by United Methodist churches and conferences. Persons interested in becoming a member of the network should write: Health and Welfare Ministries, General Board of Global Ministries, Room 350, 475 Riverside Drive, New York, NY 10115. Another AIDS resource available, also entitled Alert, is a monthly newsletter from the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC) AIDS Ministry. This Alert provides capsules of news infonnation on AIDS legislation , education, research, treatment, and ministries. Persons interested in receiving this resource should write: UFMCC AIDS Ministry, 5300 Santa Monica Blvd., #304, Los Angeles, CA 90029. Lutherans Issue "Call to Repentance" Delegates to Assembly '88, the biennial meeting of Lutherans Concerned/North America (LC/NA), unanimously approved a document which names the ways in which the church has sinned against the lesbian/gay community and calls on the church to repent of its sins. A Call for Repentance has been sent to the bishops and presidents of Lutheran churches of North America with an invitation for these leaders to meet with the leadership of LC/NA to develop a special plan for dialogue between the groups. For more infonnation or a copy of the document, write: Lutherans Concerned, P.O. Box 10461, Fort Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL 606 10. Wc.'it(. ~ S:tc"., :tD.. 1dl . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. March 31-April 2 Semiannu:11 meeting of Affirmation: lfnited ~1ethodisrs for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, in Dallas, Te "as. Leadership to include Dr. John Horlbert, Perkins School of Theology, and Rev. Christine Darrow, assistant pastor at :\lCC Dallas. \'<'rite: Affirmation, P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, II. 60204. St,~HUh St,~ ... .. . ... ....... .... April 13-16 Southeastern Conference for Lesbians and Gay I ten, in Dallas, Texas. Write: Southeastern Conference for Lesbians/Gay Men, P.O. Box 190712, Dallas, TX 7::;219, or call: 214/471-6040. ~~/I. H(J~fk~ £~~ ......... . June 30-July 3 Conferen e for homophobia educators at the l'niversity of California in Los Angeles. Write: Camp:1ign to End Homophobia, P.o. Box 819, Cambridge, ~1A 02139. REMEMBER: February 16-18, 1990, are the dates for the second national convocation of Reconciling Congregations, to be held in the Bay Area of California. A path to greater understanding ... And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on the Church and Homosexuality This booklet's gentle, personto-person approach is a pedect starting place [or congregations or individuals dealing with questions about homosexuality: ~ How do people become homosexual? ~ What does the Bible say about homosexuality'? ~ What's it li ke to be gay or lesbian in the church today? "For all who feel the pain ofour tun.es, this much-needed booklet identifies a path to greater love and understanding." -C. Dale White, bishop, New York Area, UMC Written by Ann Thompson Cook, 1988. 20 pp. Published by the Dumbarton UMC Task Force on Reconciliation; distributed by the Reconciling Congregation Program. $4. 95 per copy $3.00 for bulk orders (10 or more) Please prepay your order with ]5% postage and handling to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 24213, Nashville, T 37202 Open Hands 23 P 0 RT-=--------_ ~~_ RE ~ RC_P________ UMC Homosexuality Study Commission Appointed The General Council on Ministries of the United Methodist Church has announced the formation of the 26-member Committee to Study Homosexuality . The study commission was mandated by the 1988 General Conference of the UMC. The study panel will meet over the next four years to "study homosexuality as a subject for theological and ethical analysis ... seek the best biological, psychological, and sociological information and opinion on the nature of homosexuality ... and explore the implications of its study for the Social Principles." The UMC Social Principles currently declare that "the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching." A swift response to the appointment of the panel members came from Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Noting that the panel consisted of only one identified lesbian or gay person, spokespersons Judy Cayot and Randy Miller said, "We refuse to bel ieve, no matter how open-minded or how high their level of expertise, that other persons can speak better to the realities of living as lesbian and gay Christians than those of us who deal with it everyday." Affirmation's request to expand the committee's membership to include adequate representation of the lesbian/gay community has been rejected by the General Council on Ministries. There are several panel members with ties to the Reconciling Congregation Program . Dennis Alexander is pastor of Wesley UMC in Minneapolis. Rebecca Parker is the former pastor of Wallingford UMC in Seattle. Jeanne Barnett is chair of the California-Nevada Reconciling Task Force, and Bruce Hilton is a member of Albany UMC in Albany, California. Other study panel members are: Rodolfo G. Beltran, Philippines; Jan Bond. Oak Grove, Missouri; David Diaz, Edinburgh, Texas; Victor Paul Furnish. Dallas; Sally Brown Geis, Denver; Stanley Hauer24 Open Hands was, Durham, North Carolina; T. Kevin Higgs, Birmingham, Alabama; James W. Holsinger, Jr., Richmond, Virginia; Bishop Neil L. Irons, New Jersey; Rachael Ann Julian, Birmingham, Alabama; J. Edward Legates, Raleigh, North Carolina; James Logan, Washing ton, D.C.; C . Dav id Lundquist, Dayton, Ohio; William E. Lux, Manchester, Iowa; Richard E. Martin, Indianapolis; Arthur Pressley, Madison, New Jersey; Tex Sample, Kansas City; David A. Seamonds, Wilmore, Kentucky; Claudia Webster , Portland, Oregon; Wesley D. Williams, Boston; J. Phillip Wogaman, Washington, D.C.; Nancy S. Yamasaki, Spokane, Washington. UFMCC Celebrates 20th Anniversary We offer a belated note of congratulations to the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches, which celebrated its 20th anniversary in 1988. With its roots in a Bible study group in South Los Angeles led by Troy D. Perry, the UFMCC has grown over these 20 years to include more than 200 study groups and churches with an international membership of around 27,000. Rev. Elder Freda Smith's welcome to participants in a 20th anniversary dinner held on October 6, 1988, stated: Especially during times of crisis and c!wtlenge there is a great need to remember and to celebrate the miracle of God's deliverance. To lose our record ofhistory and to fail to celebrate our exodus from bondage that so many ofour people hm'e sacrificed so much to bring about, lVould be a tragedy. It would likewise be a tragedy for us not to acknowledge the many ways in which the UFMCC has been at the forefront confronting homophobia In our churches and our society. Reconciling Congregations Metropolitan·Duane UMC Wesley UMC Kairos UMC Hamilton UMC c/o Trudy Grove c/o John Human c/o Richard Vogel c/o Judy Kreige 20 I W. 13th Street 823 Union Avenue 6015 McGee 1525 Waller Street New York. NY 10011 Sheboygan, WI 53081 Kansas City. MO 64 11 3 San Francisco. CA 94 117 Calvary UMCWashington Square UMC University UMC St. Paul's UMC c/o Jerry Brown c/o P.J. Leopold-Trump c/o Steven Webster c/o Jeanne Knepper 1400 Judah Street 135 W 4th Street I 127 University Avenue 1615 Ogden Street San Francisco. CA 94122 New York. NY 10012 Madison. WI 53715 Denver. CO 80218 Trinity UMCPark Slope UMC Wesley UMC St. Francis·or·the·Foothilis c/o Arron Augcr c/o Beth Bentley c/o Tim Tennant-Jayne UMC 152 Church Street 6th Avenue & 8th Strect Marquette at Grant Streets c/o Christiane Heyde San Francisco. CA 94 122Brooklyn. NY 11215 Minneapolis. MN 55403 4625 E. River Road Tucson. AZ 85718 Trinity UMC Calvary UMC University UMC c/o Elli Norris c/o Chip Coffman c/o Dave Schmidt 2320 Dana Street United University Church Berkeley. CA 94704 815 S. 48th Street 633 W. Locust c/o Edgar Welty 81 7 W. 34th Street Albany UMC Philadelphia. PA 19143 DeKalb. IL 60115 Los Angeles. CA 90007 c/o Jim Scurlock Dumbarton UMC Wheadon UMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook c/o Albert Lunde 980 Stannage3133 Dumbarton Avenue. NW 2212 Ridge Avenue Crescent Heights UMC Albany . CA 94706 Washington. DC 20007 Evanston. IL 60201 c/o Walter Schlosser 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue Sunnyhills UMC Christ UMC Euclid UMC W. Hollywood. CA 90046 c/o Cliveden Chew Haas c/o Chuck Kimble c/o Alan Tuckey 335 Dixon Road 4th and I Streets. SW 405 S. Euclid Avenue Milpitas, CA 95035The Church in Ocean Park c/o Judy Abdo Washington, DC 20024 Oak Park. IL 60302 St. Paul's UMC St. John's UMC Albany Park UMC 235 Hill Street c/o Dianne L. Gri mard c/o Barbara Larcom c/o Reconciling Committee Santa Monica. CA 90405 10 1 West Street 2705 St. Paul Street 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Vacavi lle. CA 95688 Baltimore, MD 21218 Chicago. IL 60625 Wesley UMC c/o Patty Orlando Wallingford UMC Grant Park.Aldersgate UMC United Church or Rogers Park 1343 E. Barstow Avenue c/o Margarita Will c/o Sally Daniel c/o Sally Baker/Paul Chapman Fresno. CA 937 10 2115 N. 42nd Street 575 Boulevard. SE 1545 W. Morse Avenue Seattle. WA 98103 Atlanta. GA 30312 Chicago. IL 60626 Bethany UMC Capitol Hill UMC c/o Rick Grube c/o Mary Dougherty Edgehill UMC Irving Park UMC 1268 Sanchez Street 128 Sixteenth Street c/o Hoyt Hickman c/o David Foster San Francisco. CA 941 14 Seattle. WA 98112 1502 Edgehill Avenue 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Nashville. TN 37212 Chicago. IL 60641 Reconciling Conferences Central UMC St. Mark's UMC California-Nevada Troy c/o Chuck Larkins c/o David Schwarz 701 W. Central at Scottwood 1 130 N. Rampart Street New York Wyoming Toledo. OH 43610 New Orleans. LA 70116 Northern Illinois Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 4 No 3 - Sexual Ethics: Exploring the Questions https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/617792925db4b690627783b317469262.pdf 65a1a89aa33406b263080df374e21bcd Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 4 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1989 Publication Date The date the issue was published Spring Text Any textual data included in the document Uls your heart true to my heart as "mine is to yours? ..!!it is, give me your Spring 1989 Vol. 4· No.4 Created to Create: Lesbian and Gay Men in the Religious Arts I Vol. 4· No.4· Spring 1989 O pen H ands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole fami Iy of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. . Information about the program can be obtained by writing: Reconciling congregation~ Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinators Mark Bowman Beth Richardson . Open Hands Co-Editors M . Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Jerry W . Henry Beth Richardson Typesetting and Graphic Design linda Coffin leanne Poteet Note to advertisers: Beginning with the Summer 1989 issue, Open Hands will accept paid advertising. For rate information, write to Open Hands or call: 202/863-1586. Open H.... (formerly Mann.J '04' the Journey) is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities ot 10 or more are $3 each .. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are avai lable as indicated in the bsue. Subscriptions and COfrespondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 W.shinglon, DC 20026 Copyright © 1989 by Affirmation: United Methodists for l esbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Member of The Associated Church Press. ISSN 0888-8833 Created to Create: Lesbians and Gay Men in the Religious Arts Contents 3 A Letter from the Open Hands' Staff 4 The Church, Art, and the Search for Truth Paul Abels 6 Profiles in Creativity: Gay Contributions through the Centuries Jerry W. Henry and Bradley Rymph 9 Walking on the Edges An Interview with Tina Heck 12 "Coming Out: A S tory in Mime" Mary Gaddis and Patricia Broughton 14 What's in a Name? Chris Glaser 16 "Meditations on God" Susan Echo 18 RESOURCES 19 "Ours the Journey" Julian Rush 20 Called to Serve Dale McCurdy 21 14Easter Alleluia" John S. Rice 22 RCP REPORT Cover painting by Tim Achor-Hoch Next Issue's Theme: Closetedness and the Church Open Hands 2 Dear Open Hands' readers: It's hard to believe that this issue completes four years of publication. What ajourney it's been! The flrst issue of Manna for the Journey (our original name) was cranked out on a word processor after-hours at Mark's offlCe. It was a risk of faith With no capital funds and no subscribers. In these four years, we've changed our name, seen volunteer staff come and go, changed printers and graphic artists, tWisted authors' arms (over the phone) to get articles in, and cried over the increasing costs of production. There have been times we've thought we might not produce another issue. But thanks to you and our hundreds of other friends around the country, we've made it through four years -a major accomplishment. We continue to grow -we have almost 1,500 subscribers in the United States and around the world. In the 16 issues published, we have attempted to offer in-depth coverage of a Wide variety of issues related to lesbians and gay men in the church. We have provided a written forum for many supporters of lesbian/gay concerns who otherWise would not have been publicly heard. We have provided nurture and support for the more than 140 pioneer congregations around the country who have declared themselves to be "Reconciling," "More Light," "Reconciled-in-Christ," or "Open and Afflrming. " As we look toward our flfth year and beyond, we also antiCipate some changes. We want to continue to enhance Open Hands' usefulnE;lss to you and to ensure its long-term stability. First of all, we must address the fmances of the magazine. In 1988, our income from subscriptions, renewals, and sales reached $18,757.93 (a 69% increase over our 1987 income). However, this was still over $10,000 short of the total cost of prodUCing, printing, and promoting Open Hands. This continuing deflcit drains resources from the other important ministries of Afflrmation and the Reconciling Congregation Program. Therefore, we have deCided to increase the basic subscription price to $16, effective June 1, 1989. We were very reluctant to do thiS and made the decision only after consultation With many Open Hands readers and friends who have assured us that the long-term survival of the magazine is worth at least that much of their money. So the new subscription prices are: One-year subscription $18 Two-year subscription $30 One-year subscription outside sao the U.S.A. Single issue .8 Of course, as has always been our policy, we Will send a subscription to those on limited incomes who cannot afford the full subscription price. To you, our current subscribers, we do make a special offer: we will renew your subscription for another year at the old price of $12 ifyou send in your paorment by July 31,1989. This subscription increase is not the only change we are planning for Open Hands. We Will begin printing "letters to the editors" in one of our next issues. We want to give you, our readers, the opportunity to respond to what you read in Open Hands and also to share other concerns affecting lesbians and gay men in the church. We hope to offer more "special reports" on events related to ministry With lesbians and gay men in the church, in cases where you would not find in-depth coverage in other religious publications. We have some other ideas in mind as we evaluate what we have accomplished over the past four years. But we also want to hear what you think. If you could take a few minutes to write us a note telling what you like about Open Hands and where you would suggest changes, that would be gratefully received. We are exceedingly glad as we reach this milestone of four years on the 'ourney. Yet we recogniZe that there are miles to go before we reach the Promised Land. We are most thankful that God has not abandoned us and that the mighty Winds of Pentecost continue to gently guide (and push) us forward. Mark Bowman M. Burrill Bradley Rymph ' THE CHURCH, ART, and the SEARCH FOR TRUTH by Paul Abels One of the great spiritual struggles of our age is how to cling to the irreplaceable objects of beauty in our lives and at the same time share our possessions with the poor. In our churches, we may commit ourselves to preservation of a splendid historic church structure or repair of a stained-glass window and get lambasted by critics for diverting the church's money away from more needy causes, such as support for a local shelter for the homeless. At the individual level, we can buy a new, expensive stereo (because we love good music) -and, as we are signing the credit card receipt, remember that we have not yet paid up our pledge to that shelter. We generally live with the tension of this dichotomy because we have grown to accept that this is the way that it is. The contradiction simply is a basic fact of life . This dilemma lies at the very heart of the relationship between the church and art. Our culture has isolated the products of art, thoroughly commercialized and often deified them, while also isolating the poor and devaluing them as persons. Our economic system thrives on this dichotomy, and the church is thrust into its vortex. We have reached this point partly because we have encouraged the "elite-izing" of art, puffing up the price of the so-called masterpiece to obscene tens of millions of dollars. By so doing, we have discouraged and further devalued the "ordinary" creative act. We can see this elite-izing happening presently with folk art, that creative expression which until recently was considered simply nice to have around, but not especially costly. Is this not what has been happening with Shaker furniture? For generations, it was considered good and useful but not expensive. Now, because it is "in," prices are reaching astronomical levels, and this folk craft -which only a few years ago would never have been found outside of rural areas -may soon be found only in the posh residences and offices of the wealthy. What do religion and art mean? Each of these words is ambiguous and vague. Is religion the avenue through which we seek to find the meaning of the universe and life in it? If so, this search has led to the congealing of a few "mainstream" codifications of what are held to be valid meanings, one of which is Christianity, and its institutionalization, the church . And within what we call the church are, in tum, hundreds of manifestations of what are believed to be true Christian belief and practice. Each of these manifestations holds to a particular view of art in the religious experience with a particular historic and faith bias. And what about art? Upon mention of art, we readily imagine products (objects) -paintings, sculptures, buildings, books, etc. But the arts embrace an incomprehensible range of creative, intuitive processes of the imagination (subjects), leading to an expression -only one form of which is the products. Therefore, we must add to the objects of art the process arts, including music, dance, theater, etc., which leave us with impressions and memories shaped through time. They are a process, though perhaps a product in the memory. Each of us is more likely to have an opinion of what is good art or bad art than we are to have a definition of what art is. Roger Ortmayer, editor of motive magazine in the 1960s and later director of the Department of Church and Culture of the National Council of Churches, resolved this question for me when he said that "art is whatever artists do." With this definition, the judgment categories of "good" or "bad" simply do not apply. It leaves us only with making a choice -do I like it or not? We can rightfully say we like or don't like a particular manifestation of art, because art is a subjective idiom of communication. But in such circumstances does it matter if the art is good or bad? I think not. The Balinese have said that "We have no art -we do all things well." The judgment upon Western culture that this remark contains is scorching. In our society, we set aside art as something special, participated in only by the few. For the people of Bali, the cultural objective is that whatever is worth doing at all is worth doing well . Everything is done on a continuum of more or less equal value, rather than stacked in a hierarchy of values, some greater or lesser than others. Our masterpiece syndrome has eroded the broad base of creative expression which is fundamental to a vital religious (and certainly, artistic) life. What, then, is the relationship between the church and art? I believe that it is where it has been at least since the beginning of this century -generally looking for common ground (at best), and merely surviving as a thread of interest (at worst). Ken Dewey, one of the leading "happening" artists of the 1960s, observed that "the common ground between religion and arts is the search for truth." This search is a driving force for the theologian, whether he or she is spinning out theories of grace or delving into the gospel of Mark for hidden meaning. The artist is attempting to do the same. The artist has a vision of the creation at hand (even a partial one). He or she spins out the shape, color, sound, or words with the expectation that when the Open Hands 4 act is finished (if it ever is), one more window into the great mystery of life will be opened. At one time in our Western world, religion and art were virtually synonymous. However, centuries ago, they parted ways, and now the two are almost irreconcilably divided. Some of us undoubtedly long -perhaps subconsciously -for their reunion. But I believe that religion and art are two distinct entities, each propelled by forces that upon close examination have much in common, including the search for truth. One of the greatest dangers for both the artist and the theologian has always been replacing the search for truth with a proclamation of truth. In this instance -when it is believed that truth has been discovered -religion becomes orthodoxy and art becomes propaganda. The church ends up using art for telling its story , rather than joining with artists as coequal forces in the search for truth. Only when the practice of religion remains open, exploratory, flexible, creative, and tentative (good enough for the time being -but there must be more) does it remain vital. Sadly, most American religious practice is sterile, rigid, and closed, devoid of the vitality of a searching faith. Art can succumb to the same fate. When music settles for the comfortable, the familiar, the formula, it grows inane and morose. So it is, too, with visual arts, literature, theater. But in art (as sometimes in religion), there are moments of breakthrough, where a new statement is made , a new view of truth is exposed, and these are the moments for which we wait. Another common ground in both religion and art -at their best -is a drive to create. Dorothy Sayers, in her book The Mind of the Maker, says that the sole , unique goal of the artist is to "make a new thing." She finds in this goal the nexus of relationship between God and God's creatures. She goes on to say that "the distinction between the artist and [one] who is not an artist thus lies in the fact that the artist is living in the 'way of grace,' so far as vocation is concerned." Sayers then concludes with this stirring remark: "Perhaps the first thing [we] can learn from the artist is that the only way of 'mastering' one's material is to abandon the whole conception of mastery and to cooperate with it in love: whosoever will be a lord of life , let them be its servant. If the artist tries to wrest life out of its true nature, it will revenge itself in judgment, as the work revenges itself upon the domineering artist." A similar attitude was put another way by Walter Wangerin, Jr., a Lutheran clergyman and author of Miz Lil & The Chronicles of Grace. In an interview, Wangerin reflected on the intersection of his two professions: "The two professions drew on the same resources in me and upon the same time. Ministry is a creative act, just as writing is a creative act. Both of them deal with human being. Both of them require integrity and affection." Another, more contemporary definition of the goal of the artist which has a social redemption twist is that of Gore Vidal. In his book Sex, Death and Money, Vidal says that: politics in a work ofart is like a pistol shot at a concert. But that was another century. Today the pistol shots are the concert while the work of art is the discordant interruption. To interrupt catastrophe is the artist's highest goal at a time when, like it or not, pure novelist and worldly polemicist are both in the same boat, each bailing water since it is not (yet) our nature to drown without a struggle. This definition is based on the premise that life (collectively) would be so much worse than whatever it now is -i.e. , catastrophic -without the work of artists. If we are to accept this premise (which I sometimes do), I think it is a perfect metaphor for the church (at its best, of course). #.ul of this seems to lie at such great distance from the prevailing attitude of American Christians, which is often limited to the observation, "Isn't it pretty," growing out of the social conditioning (reinforced by life in the church as mirror of that culture) that only those things that are conventionally "beautiful" are worthy of a place in (or permitted to enter) the church. In recent decades, a faithful few in the church have been moving toward formulating a new aesthetic, one which is consonant with an honest and loving faith. This joining of integrity and affection, as Wangerin puts it, is our church and art agenda as we move into the 21 st century. We must finally move away from prostituting art and artists -most especially, musicians -for merely telling the church's story. Instead, we must engage in a mutually respectful search with artists for new visions of truth an~ new expressions of affection . One of the few resources which. churches have to lend to this journey is space, and space IS one of the most badly needed tools for artists . When churches share space with artists, they have to take risks that what artists will say and do may not be pleasing or pretty . But when an honest working relationship is estab-. lished between the church and artists it is less likely that we will take offense at the surprises, because they are rendered in love. Churches must also let go of the longing to own masterpieces. That day is long gone and we have a new day before us. I do believe that we have a profound moral obligation to preserve and maintain the treasures that we have already inherited, whether they be musical works or paintings or architectural gems. But we have an even more compelling moral imperative to create a new thing. But what about the other agenda of the church -to feed the hungry, house the homeless , clothe the naked? J tum to an essay of Albert Camus for a way to go about it: "There is beauty and there are the humiliated. Whatever difficulties the enterprise may present, Jwould like never to be unfaithful either to one or the other." There is no question that this enterprise is, indeed, very difficult. It is hard enough to work in the church to join integrity and affection without adding to it a struggle with artists. But if we are to succeed we have no other choice. For Camus the question is: how can beauty and the humiliated be understood together? For the Christian the question is: how could they possibly be understood separately? • Paul Abels is executive director of Equinox, a community-services agency in ALbany, New York. He is a retired member of the New York AnnuaL Conference of the United Methodist Church. Open Hands 5 - Benjamin Britten Dtnid· Mk:bD1mae10 Open Hands Profiles in Creativity Gay Contributions through the Centuries by Jerry W. Henry and Bradley Rymph Over many centuries, gay men and lesbians -or persons who by today's standards would be considered gay or lesbian -have made innumerable contributions to the life ofthe church through the arts. The most visible arena for this creativity has probably been church music, but there have often been visual artists, writers, architects, glassworkers, and performing artists ofall descriptions who have offered their gifts to God through the Church. We offer here briefprofiles ofjust afew ofthese artists. This clearly is not a complete list. Space does not permit such an accounting, and, undoubtedly, the lesbian/ gay identities ofmany ofthose who have made contributions through the centuries will forever remain unknown. Only recently have historians begun revealing evidence related to the sexual orientations of some of humanity's most creative geniuses. Sadly, this lack ofhistorical evidence is particularly the case with lesbian artists. Not only have historians hidden their subjects' sexual orientations; being mostly men, these historians have also neglected to consider the contributions ofwomen -whether heterosexual or lesbian -to be worth study or discussion. In addition, it has historically been easier for two women to maintain hidden lives than for two men living together. There can be no doubt that lesbians, as well as heterosexual women and gay men, have made notable contributions to the Church's artistic life throughout Christian history. ARTHUR S. S ULLIVAN was apparently widely known to his contemporaries. The social rules of his -From Penzance to "Onward, day unofficially stipulated that the Christian Soldiers" upper classes would be allowed their One of the greatest controversies "vices" so long as no public scandal that faced the committee assembling was likely. the new United Methodist Hymnal was deciding what to do with "Onward, Christian Soldiers." To many people, FRANZ SCHUBERT the hymn was overtly militaristic and -A Life in Gay Circles therefore unsuitable for the hymnal. To many other United Methodists, howAnother composer who probably ever, the hymn was a reminder of the was gay is Franz Schubert. He also is need for Christians to be vigilant in represented in the new United Methotheir quest to do God's will and addist Hymnal. The new musical settings vance God 's word. for Holy Communion include a very Many of the persons who fought singable set of selections adapted from (successfully) to preserve "Onward, Schubert's Deutche Messe. Christian Soldiers" might be surprised Relatively little information exto learn that the composer of St. Gerists about Schubert's private life. His trude, the hymn's tune, was a British music did not become widely known gay man named Arthur S. Sullivan. until many years after he died, and, as a Along with his musical partner, result, most of what is known about William S. Gilbert, he composed such him comes from memoirs written by popular Victorian satires as HMS Pinafriends. It is clear, however, that fore, The Pirates ofPenzance, and The Schubert most likely was gay. He travMikado. Sullivan is also represented in eled in predominantly gay circles. Of the new hymnal by the tune St. Kevin, the several friends he lived with from used for the hymn "Come Ye Faithful, his early teens, only one ever married Raise the Strain." -and that man at the age of 61. Although Sullivan chose to live Schubert died at age 31 , after suffering his life "discreetly," his homosexuality for years from syphilis. 6 ----------------------------------------------------------------------- -- - - BENJAMIN BRITTEN -20th-Century Choral Composer Any church choir that performs Christmas cantatas each year has probably at some time or another performed A Ceremony of Carols by Benjamin Britten. These choirs may also have performed Britten's other, shorter religious anthems -Hymn to St. Cecilia, Rejoice in the Lamb, and others. Britten is considered to have been not just one of the most important 20th-century composers but one of the greatest British composers ever. He was a prolific writer of choral and orchestral compositions but is probably best known for his operas. Two of these -Billy Budd and Death in Venice -were based on literary texts with strong homosexual undercurrents. With both Billy Budd and Death in Venice, Britten wrote the principal role for tenor Peter Pears. Pears and Britten met each other in 1934 while preparing a broadcast of Britten's A Boy Was Born. Three years later, after Britten had accepted his homosexuality, they became lovers. They lived together until Britten's death in 1976. In a 1980 interview, Pears described their union as having been filled with "passionate devotion, faith, and love." LEONARDO DA VINCI -Linking God and Humanity Through Art One of the most famous depictions of an event in Jesus' life is Leonardo da Vinci's painting The Last Supper. Many Christians recognize with awe the God-given creativity that Leonardo's work in this painting and others clearly displays. Yet many of these same Christians might have trouble seeing God's presence in other aspects of Leonardo's life. At the age of 24, he was imprisoned for two months when he and four other young men were accused of having sex with a 17-year-old lad named Jacopo Saltarelli. Later, Leonardo hired a 10-year-old studio boy named Giacomo Caprotti, who was described as "graceful and beautiful, with fine curly hair, in which Leonardo greatly delighted." Salai, as the boy was nicknamed, eventually became Leonardo's pupil and lover. Leonardo also took in a young gentleman named Francesco Melzi, who became his lifelong companion and eventually was executor of Leonardo's estate. Leonardo rejected strong convictions on either side of the religious controversies of his day. He had no use for such concepts as a special Creation or the Flood. But he was a deeply religious man, who loved the Church and who saw artists as forces able to link God, nature, and human existence. MICHELANGELO And His Love Sonnets Probably the most famous of the visual artists commissioned to do works of art for the Vatican and various Italian patrons was Michelangelo Buonarotti. His creative genius shone through in such masterpieces as the sculptures the Pieta, David, and Moses, and his painting ofthe ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. All these masterpieces share in glorifying the muscular, male nude body. Though Michelangelo always maintained a discreet silence about his sex life, his general partiality to young men was well known in Rome, where he lived. Some historians suspect that the male models he used for his statues of both men and women shared his bed as well as his studio. Michelangelo's affections were particularly strong for the young nobleman Tommasso Cavalieri and Febo di Poggio, a young prostitute who' worked as one of his models. Michelangelo expressed his feelings for these men through sonnets that leave no secret of his affection . In one letter, he wrote, "Whenever I behold someone who. possesses any talent or liveliness of mind, or displays any excellence in action or grace of body, I am impelled to fall in love with him. I give myself up to him so entirely that I no longer possess myself, but am wholly his." ALBRECHT DURER And the Praying Hands One of the most commonly reproduced pieces of Christian art today is the classic engraving the Praying Continued on p. 8 ~of. dDtail of MiclIeWJplo'. P;~td Open Hands 7 MALCOLM BOYD This is ahomosexual bar, Jesus. It looks like any other bar on the outside, only it isn't. Men stand three and four deep at this bar -some just feeling a sense of belonging here, others making contacts for new sexual partners. This isn't very much like a church, Lord, but many members of the church are also here in this bar. Quite afew of the men here belong to the church as we" as to this bar. If they knew how, a number of them would ask you to be with them in both places. Some of them wouldn't, but won't you be with them, too, Jesus? Reprinted from Are You Running wjth Me, Jesus?: Prayers by Malcolm Boyd. Copyright © 1965 by Malcolm Boyd. Reprinted by permission of the author. As ayoung gay man, I was alonely outsider and rebel. I felt condemned by society for being who I was, and had no help to understand what being gay could possibly mean in any hopeful, positive, or creative ways. The ideal of the lover was always close and tender to me. The lover would touch me, hold me ... laugh and cry with me ... understand ... be kind, not vengeful ... let me be myself, even while helping me to grow ... share in a loving mutuality ... . My theology slowly took root in my experience and consciousness as agay man. Life around me, as within, seemed brutal, lonely, repressive. Who was God? Surely, the antithesis of what was brutal, lonely, repressive. I adored God. God was my strength. God was with me. God cared. In God's view, everything came together somehow and made sense. God looked upon life and it was good. God made life. God redeemed life. From my view, God was never the Torturer. God did not run concentration camps for people. God was not the Executioner, Cruel Judge, Absolute Monarch, Totalitarian Dictator, Capricious Deity. I learned to know God as The Lover. Reprinted from Gay Priest: An Inner Journey by Malcolm Boyd. Copyright © 1986 by Malcolm Boyd. Reprinted by permission 0/ the author. Open Hands Continued from p. 7 Hands or, more properly, Hands in an Attitude of Prayer. The story of how this work of art by Albrecht Durer came to be created is also a beautiful story of the deep love between two men in 15th-century Germany. As a young man, Durer aspired to an artistic career, as did a close friend of his. Neither man was wealthy, however, and they lacked the financial resources to study art at the same time. The friend agreed to work at manual labor and earn a living for the two of them while Durer pursued his studies. In tum, when Durer finished school, he agreed to work while his friend studied. Unfortunately, by the time Durer had completed his training, his friend's hands had stiffened from manual labor to the point where he could not pursue his own painting career. Later, when Durer prepared a series of anatomical drawings, he included an engraving of his friend's gnarled hands. Thus, the Praying Hands is one man's loving tribute to the selfless giving of another man, a memorial to their deep love for each other. The kind of giving demonstrated by Durer and his friend is typical of the sacrifices that men and women throughout history have made for those with whom they are in committed relationships. The historical evidence indicates that Durer and his friend were almost certainly male lovers. MALCOLM BOYD -Running With Jesus In 1965, an activist Episcopal priest published a book of poetically written prayers that evoked God's presence in the concerns both of everyday life and of a rapidly changing society. After a slow start, Malcolm Boyd's Are You Running with Me, Jesus? became a national best seller, garnering rave reviews in religious and secular publications. His prayers were used in worship services, studied in church school classes, and read by hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions, of people. Thirteen years and several successful books later, Boyd published an autobiography, Take Offthe'Masks. In it, he talked about coming to grips with one aspect of his personhood that he had long kept deeply private: his homosexuality . This time, the reaction was different. Secular and religious publications refused to review or (in some cases) accept advertisements for it, and television programs that had interviewed him before turned down opportunities to do so with this book. Suddenly, religious people who had admired Boyd's work seemed to want to forget they had ever praised him. But Boyd's voluminous writings could not be forgotten. Nor could his continuing literary productivity be stifled. The man who had gone from Hollywood promotion and production in the 1940s to the priesthood in the 1950s to leadership in the civil rights and peace movements of the 1960s continued his ministries while shifting the focus of his writings somewhat. More than a decade after the release of Take Off the Masks, Malcolm Boyd continues to be a powerful presence in creative religious literature. While serving as writer-priest-inresidence at St. Augustine-by-the-Sea Episcopal Church in Santa Monica, California, he has written poetry and prose that celebrates gay love and spirituality. He has penned meditations integrating gay sexuality with his faith. In his 1986 book Gay Priest: An Inner Journey, for example, he portrays God as The Lover and Christ as The Runner. And he has helped prepare liturgical rituals that minister to the special needs of gay and lesbian Christians, including AIDS masses and "covenants of commitment." • Sources for this article include: Boughner, Terry. Out of All Time: A Gay and Lesbian History. Boston: Alyson, 1988. Cowan, Thomas. Gay Men and Women Who Enriched the World. New Canaan, Conn.: William Mulvey, 1988. Grief, Martin. The Gay Book of Days. Secaucus, N.J.: Lyle Stuart, 1982. Profiles: Men and Women of the Bible. Study Book #1. Nashville, Tenn: Graded Press, 1986. Jerry W. Henry is executive secretary for the FeLLowship of United Methodists in Worship, Music. and Other Arts. He is an ordained elder in the South Carolina Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church and attends Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC , a Reconciling Congregation in Atlanta, Georgia. Bradley Rymph is co-editor ofOpen Hands. He is a member ofChrist UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C. 8 Walking on the Edges An I nterview with Tina Heck Tina Heck is an artist living in the San Francisco Bay area. Recently ordained as a Disciples ofChrist minister, she puts together herfaith and her art through creating art during worship experiences. Asa lesbian artistminister, she walks on the edges ofseveral realms. In this interview with Open Hands, Tina shares what it' s like for her to walk on those edges and how she integrates those realms in her life. How did you come to be involved in the religious arts? I am a visual artist -a painter, illustrator, and graphic artist. When I came into the seminary at Pacific School of Religion to study for my Masters of Divinity degree, I discovered a program for worship and the arts. I immediately got involved and over the past three years have been more intentional about combining my call to ministry and my art. It is not possible to separate them anymore. It's not a common ministry; I'm having to create it as I go along. For example, my ministry is not going to a church and being an artist in residence. Through this process of discovery, I have begun to put art and religion together in unique ways. What are some art projects in which you have been involved? What do they express for you? One project I'm working on right .now is creating art during worship services, as a part of the worship experience. Using not just the traditional Christian symbols, I expand people's awareness. This weekend I was at a conference and did some painting during the worship service. I pushed people's "buttons" because I was using female imagery as God imagery. People were both very excited by it and at the same time disturbed by it. For me, it was a way to take a prophetic stance in a visual form. I'm also working on a mural on women in the church as a part of my thesis project. It's a large portable mural on sections of canvas. This project is exciting because it deals with feminist theology in a way that's visual and not completely academic, the way it's usually been dealt with in religious studies. I also have designed a number of logos in the past few months for different groups and ministries, including AIDS ministries, here in the Bay Area. The elements of visualizing healing, spiritual awareness, the importance of spirit, and bodies are all brought together through such religious art. A creation-centered spirituality comes out of my art. I'm not into drawing chalices or church buildings. My work is more bodycentered. People respond to it, which says to me there is a real need to get new imagery in the religious world. We need to get away from the traditional cross and fish images that we've known for so many years. I have also done flyers and bulletin covers. The bulletin covers for church services are often in a series, expressing a particular theme, like one I did during Lent. Are your projects by commission? For a couple of years getting paid was rare. Much of my art has been something I've been able to give to people as a gift. Now I'm moving into charging a fee for what I do since it's my Open Hands 9 - -""" .-. ............ ...... -, ... -----..... -----.",-.." --., -' ,..~ , ,,, ---. . . , -, -spiritual life or even a healthy emotional life if I was completely isolated from the gay or lesbian Christian community. That would be very difficult. I would not consciously choose to go into that kind of position. I know a lot of people are in that position, and it's very difficult to move out of isolation, I'm aware of that. But I really am thankful for the gay and lesbian community here. It very much sustains me. What barriers have you experienced in your pursuit ofreligious arts? I've met up with some folks who don't think art is valid. I think that just comes from the fact that many people think art is this sideline thing, something you do as a hobby. The secular world is so much more accepting of art as a serious study, as a serious vocation. Especially in studying for the ministry, there's a real expectation to become a mainline minister and preach and teach and do all those things that are very common. Anything that really pushes those boundaries out, people don't know what to do with. For instance, if you write plays and you're a minister, I don't think your congregation is going to understand. That's one way I have met with barriers. I don't fit in anywhere as a religious artist, as a lesbian artist minister. I'm really walking on the edges of a lot ofexpectations, not only as a lesbian but as an artist as well. The other barrier I've run up against is my own expectations, in terms of translating theology into a visual form, into an art form instead of an academic form . That expectation comes from the seminary more than anywhere else. Seminaries are higher education, graduate work. And even if I do all my academic work and do it well, the visual arts do not carry anywhere near the weight that academic work has. It's considered "light-weight" or "artsy-fartsy" or whatever you want to call it. It's definitely not considered as substantial as academic work. That's reflective of our complete overload on "left-brain" learning -words and theories rather than dealing with the experience of the whole person. I think that barrier is everywhere, not just in the church. The exception to that being in the art world, of course, where visual arts are counted as significant. How do you see religious arts moving, changing, growing? For one thing, the arts in the church period, regardless of sexuality, are really just beginning to sprout some new life. It's something that churches are beginning to see is really very much needed. Some churches, more than others, are actively incorporating arts into in their own worship. Art in general, and visual arts especially, are really going to make a big impact in the next 10 years on the life of the church. Music and drama have had their place for years, and awareness of their value as art forms is growing also. Visual arts are coming alive much more. I think churches are hungry for it. Because it's been absent? Exactly. Especially Protestant mainline churches have had a horrendous lack of visual imagery , with the exception of a few banners that we put together. (And half the time those are very embarrassing!) I think artists in the church make up a small group of people who are really committed to making art a dynamic, vital part of the faith community. It's one way gay and lesbian artists can be directly involved in the church in very life-giving, creative ways. That kind of possibility is so hopeful, so dynamic. Art is one avenue among others for gay and lesbian people to be giving of themselves. Doing the kind of art I do can be a risk. Because I'm doing imagery that is radical to many, it disturbs people. And yet, our society is much more tolerant of artists than of preachers. It's a very different thing to do radical imagery as an artist than to get up in a pUlpit and say such radical things. I think art speaks to people on a deeper level. We're so bombarded with words that the visual arts are able to really hit often on a deeper level for people. They can take something in through art that may be just as radical as a sermon, if not more so, but it reaches a different part of them. We assimilate and integrate art and words different ways in our brains. Because of that, I find it exciting the kind of changes in the community that can come through art and the kinds of messages that gay or lesbian artists can bring. TiM Heek is an artist living in the San Francisco Bay area. Havingfinished her Master ofDIvinity Degree at Pacific SchooL ofReligion. she is currentLy working on a M.A . degree in worship and the arts. Open Hands 11 Coming Out: Alone in a closet whose walls are named fear, hate, other; lesbian. Alone in a dark cramped closet, suffocating. To come out requires courage, courage to squeeze through a narrow door. And so you do. Come out fearfully, and go back in. Come out eagerly, with extended hand that's knocked away. Come out tough this time, you'll not get hurt, only to be slammed into the ground. And writhing you crawl back into the closet. Tears. Anger. A gun could easily kill oneself . .. others. No! The gun flung. Damn! Fists slam, and then, open hands. Wonder. Claiming self naming self finding the door. Open hands reach out, reach out to be embraced. -Patricia Broughton 12 Open Hands AStory in Mime Mary Gaddis is thefounder of Women Empowering Women in northern CaLifornia. where she aLso works as a pLumber and pipe fitter. Mary has presented her "coming out" mime and other stories to church audiences around the country. After one such presentation. one observer. Patricia Broughton, wrote the poem that accompanies the photographs. Patricia is a freeLance writer and photographer in Chicago. Open Hands 13 What's in a arne? by Chris Glaser The 1978 General Assembly of the former United Presbyterian Church dealt a decisive blow to the gay and lesbian struggle for ordination. I had figured prominently in the nationwide debate over a controversial task force recommendation that homosexuality should not necessarily bar someone from ordained ministry in the denomination. I had served on that task force as its only penly gay member. During the same time period , I had become national coordinator of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns and had begun directing a ministry reconciling the church and the lesbian/gay community called Lazarus Project. Much of my identity, as perceived by others, was related to my sexuality. A few weeks after the task force recommendation was rejected and a ban on ordination was put in place by that General Assembly, a friend decided I needed to get away and took me to Aspen, Colorado. 14 Open Hands Aspen in the summertime is fresh and green and Eden-like. As I climbed a mountain, I felt my soul undressing, removing layers of identity that hung heavy on iny shoulders. I was no longer gay; I was no longer Presbyterian; I was no longer male. As I unburdened myself of these identities, the elemental parts of myself joined nature around me. I no longer blocked the wind: it seemed to breeze through me. I no longer simply observed the beautiful green of the grass and blue of the sky and grey of the rocks: my eyes were one with them. My soul soared as my body ascended. "What a relief!" I thought. "What a release." And then, as if all of this were not enough, I made a serendipitous discovery. At the top of the mountain that I climbed was a meadow, surrounded by aspens whose fresh leaves flickered in the wind as candle flames in a sanctuary. I laughed aloud, tears of joy sprang from deep within me, and I danced ecstatically. This vision that I was something more than the labels applied to me has stayed me in the most turbulent times of chaos and confrontation. It has also helped me see that others are something more than the labels by which I try to lay hands of understanding on them. Better to reach out with open hands than hands that grasp identities solely, whether the identities are of me or ofothers. And to know that rising above identities and labels leads to a green, wooded meadow restores my soul when I feel that I'm close to burnout. As natio nal coordinator of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns, I received letters from those who similarly did not want to be defined simply by labels, specifically, their sexual orientation. I also occasionally received letters from those whose unmarried status, particular vocation, or inclusion of opposite gender personality traits caused others to suspect or assume they were lesbian or gay. A gay man told me that he was considering marriage so that, when he was divorced, no one would question his sexuality. A nongay woman found herself the object of gossip in her denomination because she attended a largely gay congregation. A nongay unmarried minister described being frequently refused consideration for jobs because he had no "proof' of heterosexuality. Rather than embittering him toward the lesbian/gay movement in the church, this experience had created in him a deep solidarity with us. (Sadly, this isn't always true even for gay and lesbian church workers. Many have kept their distance from the very movement that sacrificially works for their rights in the church!) Perhaps no single group of professional church workers has suffered more suspicion and stereotyping than church artists: organists, choirmasters, liturgical performers, iconographers, and so on. Part of the reason is that it is true that a disproportionate number of gay men and lesbian women are drawn to church careers as well as to creative expressions of their faith. I believe that the attraction to serve the church and the development of aesthetic sensitivity grows out of the experience of being a dispossessed minority within society and the church. This leads to motives for church work ranging from the basic needed for approval to the complex transformation of suffering into beauty. Another reason that lesbians and gay men may choose a ministry in the arts is that it is a form of ministry that does not require ordination, presently forbidden for them in most of Christendom. Less scrutiny of personal lives is involved, and more privacy is possible. This is not to say that a ministry in the arts is a second choice. Rather, it is an option for spreading the gospel as viable as becoming a pastor, yet with a greater guarantee of personal freedom. Despite the sizable lesbian/gay minority, most church artists are not gay or lesbian, and they rightly resent being labeled or imagined to be homosexual because of their vocational choices . Many of their lesbian/gay counterparts resent such labeling, too. I would hope that this would not set church artists over against the movement for lesbian/gay rights in the church. Rather, I would hope these artists would join the unmarried non gay man described earlier. He transformed the pain of discrimination for whom people mistook him to be into solidarity with those who suffer discrimination because of who they are. Like the king of Denmark who wore a yellow star in solidarity with his Jewish subjects when Nazi Germany began its occupation of their country and the persecution of the Jews, so God may be calling church artists to figuratively wear pink triangles to protect those among them who are lesbian or gay. Labels are burdensome, but as Christians we are called to bear one another's burdens. How often I have felt compelled to speak up for lesbian and gay rights in the church when I wished other people in the room would share the burden! As a result, I have been labeled a "militant radical ," a member of "the homosexual lobby," and "an angry young man," when, indeed, my friends regard me as friendly and vulnerable, and my fel low church workers consider me pastoral and patient. Nongay church artists have less to fear than those who are gay or lesbian, though those who speak up for gay rights in the church may do so 'at vocational and personal cost. Lesbian and gay artists must speak up themselves whenever possible , and at least financially support those who sacrifice time and vocation to speak on behalf of their rights. The 'kingdom or commonwealth of God is the, aspen meadow beyond labels and identities where "there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female." It is there waiting for us whenever we need to lay aside our burdensome identities, so that our soul may be restored and our vision and perspective may be renewed. But, even as Jesus took on his identity as a first-century Palestinian Jew to do his ministry, so we are called to our ministries within our several identities. Part of that ministry, I believe, is leading others in our communal ascent above labels to enjoy ourselves and one another as children of God's creation. • Chris Glaser is the author ofUncommon Calling: A Gay Man's Struggle to Serve the Church (Harper & Row, 1988). He is a member of United University Church in Los AngeLes, a federated United Methodist-Presbyterian congregation. It is both a Reconciling Congregation and a More Light Church. A Prayer for Martin Luther King, Jr./s Birthday God of aII colors: the one who made me want to speak and to write with quiet, eloquent significance, was black. Yet, though principal of my high school, his family was not allowed to buy a home in our neighborhood . God, forgive us. God, deliver us. For we have accepted the gifts of many while rejecting their body-selves because of color, gender, age, disability, sexual orientation, appearance. Help us to realize if the gifts are beautiful, so are they. Help us to celebrate others' value by their fruits not the shape of the trees. -Chris Glaser Reprinted from "A More Light Prayer Book," More Light Update, the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns, January 1989. Open Hands 15 Meditations on God by Susan Echo I. God is a woman who sings the blues and it ain't My Man Done Got Away. God is in the body of a woman or child beaten with a stick or a fist. It ain't got to do just with the body, or sprinkling the water, or bread. The body is an altar upon which we no longer sacrifice. Hey You There! Take off your shoes And ask the spi rit if it's okay for you to visit this particular temple, and at this particular time. Or wash your feet and come back later, when the table is set for you. Or not at all. Don't desecrate my temples, my calves, my palms. My navel, my nipples, my ear lobes, my pudenda, or that sensitive corner in the small of my back. II. God is a magpie whose airborne, wings beat and punctuate the wind like a semaphore code which we have yet to crack. God's eternal laugh floods the universe, is picked up by mechanical sensors and is mistaken for the Big Bang. But God keeps on laughin. God plays the blues and caresses his horn like a Louie Armstrong who doesn't sweat and trumpets his love around the universe wrapping it in a string of so many notes like stars. III. She's sneaking out back' the house down by the creek hidin' behind the broken-open cattails for cover, Singin for all Her people, cryin that they are starvin with hungry bellies, are bruised with the leprosy of a hated disease, are driven away by the people they love, cryin cause they can't tell even thei r best friend the name of the person whom they really love, are disinherited from their roots, their pasts, their families, their very lives. Minds torched by Gaslights, they are alone. All alone. 16 Open Hands IV. They are gagged and fettered against god's house, and barred from uttering the words, from issuing forth the chalice and the bread to those who need to drink from the hands of their own apostolic procession to be reconciled and made whole. The blood in the church is from the fists pounding at the door, not from the lamb on the altar, or the overturned cup. Not the sacrificial lamb on the door jam. Those not in the sanctuary are not passed over . -;:;.....V9"..:.c.(but are victim to the falloutbullets, bombs, napalm, deportation and death, or else the white ashes of our only eons reigning from the sky.) It is the oil of their hands on the door jam ~;;;J that lubricates the hinges for those who hold the keys. V. God-dess is clearing her throat bout ready to give us all a piece of her mind 'Bout how we spoil her planet, not just by spittin on the sidewalks (which don't 'xactly amuse her), but by these eternal erections, these unholy chemical combustions, these super-instant destructo machines, these lazer reflective panels in her heavenly spheres, from cannons to mustard gas, to the Trident to the neutron bomb, from (whose Empire anyway?) State Building to the futuristic obsceni~ies of Three Mile Islands. VI. If God were to tal k, what would she say about sex? or How would she sing that song? (Shug Avery seems to be our only contemporary clue ....) I don't think she'd sing it to us 'bout steamrollers, babe "roll on over you." If she were a dyke like me she'd sing it sweet and soft with lips puckered like a kiss to the wind to those of declining body seeking haven and rest in a home where they won't be invisible or mistaken for someone else, to those who are victims of others who lash out in their own internalized insidious self-loathing, to those who have answered the call but aren't allowed in the door who are not able to touch the altar, to those who hide and clothe their most profound love/communion for fear of losing their sources of survival in the world, to those broken in spirit who lost the string leading back to the labyrinth of love. Susan Echo lives and writes in Denver and currently serves on the Coordinating Council of the United Church Coalition f or Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Her poetry has been published in WomanSpirit and Women Energy. Open Hands 17 - --------~------------------~-------------------RESOURCE Art & Religion -General Bryans, Nena. Full Circle: A Proposal to the Church for an Arts Ministry. San Carlos, Calif.: Schuyler Institute for Worship and the Arts, 1988. L'Engle, Madeleine. Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art. Wheaton, Ill. : Shaw Publications, 1980. Yates, Wilson . The Arts in Theological Education: New Possibilities for Integration. Decatur, Ga.: Scholars Press, 1988. Bryans and Yates each argue that the arts are essential to the church's effective performance of its ministries. Each book offers models for integrating the arts into the church's life. L'Engle explores the creative/spiritual process from a writer's point of view. Clowning, Mime, & Religion Kipnis, Claude. The Mime Book. New York: Harper and Row, 1974. Robertson, Everett. The Ministry of Clowning. Nashville: Broadman, 1983. Shaffer, Floyd. If I Were a Clown. Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1984. Shaffer presents a theological basis for clowning, while Robertson offers a good "how-to" book on clowning in worship. Kipnis's book, though not specifically religious in focus, is a classic work on mime. Dance & Religion Daniels, Marilyn. The Dance in Christianity. Ramsey, N.J.: Paulist Press, 1981. Gagne, Ronald; Kane, Thomas; and VerEecke, Robert, eds. Introducing Dance in Christian Worship. Washington, D.C.: Pastoral Press, 1984. Rock, Judith. Performer as Priest and Prophet: Worship in Music and Dance. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1988. Three good, historical overviews of the use of dance in Christian worship. Music & Religion Johnson, Lawrence J. The Mystery of Faith: The Ministers of Music. Washington, D.C.: Pastoral Press, 1983. Pastoral Music. Bimonthly journal of the National Association of Pastoral Musicians, Washington, D.C. Johnson explores the varying roles of music in worship, using history, liturgical documentation, and reflection. Pastoral Music contains essays and reviews about the use of music in worship. Visual Art & Religion Adams, Doug, and Apostolos-Cappadona, Diane, eds. Art as Religious Studies. New York: Crossroad, 1987. Apostolos-Cappadona, Diane, ed. Art, Creativity, and the Sacred: An Anthology in Religion and Art. New York: Crossroad, 1983. Dillenberger, Jane. Style and Content in Christian Art. New York: Crossroad, 1986. Dillenberger, John. The Visual Arts and Christianity in America: From the Colonial Period to the Present. rev., enl. ed. New York: Crossroad, 1988. Tina Heck says that the first two of these books "reflect a lot on different kinds of perspectives people have in t rms of art and religion and how they meet, where they connect." The Dillenberger books are well-regarded scholarly works on Christian art. Jane Dillenberger is an art historian at the Graduate Theological Union in Berkeley, California, while John is a theologian there. Gay Men & Lesbians in the Religious Arts Boughner, Terry. Out of All Time: A Gay and Lesbian History. Boston: Alyson, 1988. Cowan, Thomas. Gay Men and Women Who Enriched the World. New Canaan, Conn.: William Mulvey , 1988. Rowse, A. L. Homosexuals in History: Ambivalence in Society, Literature and the Arts. New York: Macmillan, 1977. These books explore the contributions that gay men and lesbians have made to society, the arts, and religion over the centuries. Boughner and Cowan present selected personality profiles, including such creative geniuses as Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, and Benjamin Britten. Also included among the many profiles are King James I of England and Scotland, who commissioned the translation of the Bible that commonly bears his name, and Erasmus, a medieval Bible translator and scholar. Oxford historian Rowse explores various historical ages and the contributions that different gay men made to their respective societies. Women & the Arts Hedges, Elaine, and Wendt, Ingrid, eds .. In Her Own Image: Women Working in the Arts. New York: Feminist Press, 1980. Nochlin, Linda. Women, Art, and Power and Other Essays. New York: Harper and Row, 1988. Hedges and Wendt present an interesting anthology of essays about women in the arts, both historical and contemporary, and about the significance of women's art as a force for social change. They also include illustrations and examples of visual and literary works of art by various women. Nochlin offers seven essays on different women artists and on women in art history. Inclusive Worship Resources The following books contain musical or liturgical material that can be useful to any congregation attempting to design its worship life to include persons (such as lesbians and gay men) who can feel excluded by the language and imagery of traditional worship resources: Duck, Ruth C. Bread for the Journey: Resources for Worship. New York: Pilgrim, 1981. Flames of the Spirit: Resources for Worship. New York: Pilgrim, 1985. Inclusive-language liturgical resources. Duck, Ruth c. , and Bausch, Michael G., eds. Everftowing Streams: Songs for Worship. New York: Pilgrim, 1981. Excellent collection of new hymns and inclusive-language modifications of old favorites. A particular favorite in Affirmation circles. Huber, Jane Parker. A Singing Faith. Philadelphia: Westminster, 1987. All new lyrics set to familiar hymn tunes. Ruether, Rosemary Radford . Women-Church: Theology and Practice. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1985. Both a theological discussion of feminist liturgy and a collection of rituals for a variety of occasions. Includes "Coming-Out Rite for a Lesbian" and "Covenant Celebration for a Lesbian Couple." Winter, Miriam Therese. WomanPrayer / WomanSong: Resources for Ritual. Oak Park, Ill.: Meyer Stone Books, 1987. New music and liturgy from a feminist Catholic perspective. Several of these resources were suggested by J. Bruce Stewart. director of the Center for Liturgy and the Arts, Annandale. Virginia. 18 Open Hands Ours the Journey Julian B. Rush f 3 r r 1. In the midst of new di -men-sions, In the face of chang-ing ways, 2. Thru the flood of starv -ing peo -pIes, war -ring fac -tions and des -pair, 3. Thru the years of hu -man strug -gle, walk a peo -pie long des -pised, 4. We are Black and we are A -sian, In -di -an, His pan -ic, White, 5. We are man and we are wo -man, all per -sua -sions, old and young, 6. Should the threats of dark pre -dic -tions cause us to with -draw in pain, ~ B r: r~r f & Who will lead the pil -grim peo -pies wan -der -ing their sep -arate ways? Who will lift the o -live bran -ches? Who will light the flame of care? Gays and les -bi -ans to -geth -er fight -ing to be re -al ized. We a rain -bow co -a -Ii -tion, all of va -lue In thy sight. Each a gift in thy cre -a -tions, each a love song to be sung. May thy bla -zing phoe -nix spir -it res -ur -rect the church a gain. God of rain -bow, fier Y pil -lar, lead -ing where the ea -gles soar, We, thy peo -pie, ours the jour -ney now and e -ver, now and e -ver, now and e -ver -more. © 1985 Julian B. Rush All Rights Reserved International Copyright Secured Printed in U.S.A. Open Hands 19 by Dale McCurdy When I was in high school in the late 1960s and active in what was then the Methodist Youth Fellowship, I knew that I was called to work in the church. I wasn't able to ascertain what shape that calling would take until my late twenties when I entered full -time church work in the United Methodist Church after several years of teaching and professional singing. At the large church where I served as full-time director of music, I was able to create a vital and active music ministry. This gave me great personal satisfaction and touched the minds and hearts of many children, youth, and adults in the congregation. I was a consecrated diaconal minister and had been working at this church ten years when it became apparent to me that my goals for ministry in that particular congregation had been reached. I knew it was time to set my sights on different targets and "write a new chapter" in my life and ministry. After months of networking, resume writing, and applying for new positions, I discovered ajob which looked attractive at a church of another denomination over 2,000 miles from the church I had been serving. I was invited to an interview where the pastor and layperson who was chair of the search committee talked specifics of a job offer with me. We discussed salary (a very nice increase, for which I 20 Open Hands was grateful), benefits, generous moving expenses, and the date when I would first conduct the music at the new church. I obviously had the strengths, skills, and commitment which the church required in a music director. I knew that under my direction the music ministry at that church could grow and that a new era could begin for them. I had additional expertise in church growth and evangelism which was needed by the congregation. For the preceding two years, I had been on a spiritual journey which led me to believe that I might benefit from the more evangelicallinward-centered faith the new church espoused. I felt that I would be able to grow and learn from being a part of their tradition, and they from me with my peculiarly United Methodist understanding that "the world is our parish. " A few days later I received a formal confirmation of the job offer. I remember the exact words of the committee chair during that late night call and my feeling of excitement when he said, "Dale, will you come to our community and serve as director of music at First Church?" I replied that I would be delighted. The following day I resigned my position at the church which had nurtured me, and where I had gone thro~gh so much of my faith journey. The outpouring of love, joy for me in my new adventure, and gratitude for my ministry at the church was overwhelming. I arranged for housing in the new community, and looked forward to an exciting new ministry. The next week I received a telephone call from the new church. The pastor said, that since they had suspected that I was a gay person, they were rescinding the call to ministry. His exact words were, "You need to know that our denomination and our local church feel that gay people are not appropriate in ministry." I felt betrayed, hurt, and angry . I was denied the opportunity to serve a church where my talents could have been used in a dramatic new way. Not only was I left adrift without a ministry, but with a lease signed in a new community where I knew no one. The church even wrote me a form letter thanking me for my interest in the position as if I had not received a call to serve that congregation and as if I were merely one of many applicants. Iquickly sought out a new church home in my new community, which turned out to be a United Methodist Reconciling Congregation, Wallingford UMC in Seattle. Here I felt care, concern, and inclusion in contrast to the rejection and hatred evidenced by the other congregation. At this congregation's worship, I learned that I am not alone in feeling called to do the work of the church, and that there is a growing movement afoot to spend more time in the church including people rather than excluding people. Through the kindness of people in the new community, I was put in touch with a Lutheran congregation where I now serve as part-time director of music. I was encouraged to find another congregation, one which reacted to me as a person in a much more Christlike fashion. Not all who call themselves Christians are prisoners of their own fear. I am not serving a church full-time but am taking this opportunity to evaluate my calling and see where I perceive that God needs me to serve. Paradoxically, the church which was so concerned about my sexuality has had a part in creating a person who is even more committed to resisting injustice, ignorance, and hatred, What I have learned is that God calls each of us to service of one kind or another. Being · embraced in the loving nature of God, I feel even more powerfully the words of Paul, "Neither powers nor principalities nor ... can separate me from the love of God." Sadly, my experience is not uncommon. Many other lesbian and gay people strive to live out their calling to celebrate the religious arts within church communities and are pushed away. How do we deal with this fear on the part of the church and its people? One way, I believe, is to continue to claim the church as our own . We refuse to let others define ourselves or our ministry. The church belongs to all of us, and, in the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., "Until we are all free, none of us is free." Another road we can choose to travel is one of mutual support with other gay/ lesbian people and non-gay/lesbian people whose visions of the church are inclusive. I personally have felt the support of many friends. lowe a great debt especially to those with whom I shared many hours in a support group. I jealously guard a regular time of prayer, reading, and reflection to enable me to remain faithful. I thank God for writers like Chris Glaser (Uncommon Calling) and Brian McNaught (On Being Gay) who helped me affinn my calling as a gay person through their impassioned writing. One effective way I have found as a gay Christian to empower myself is to be constantly aware of opportunities to share my witness with others. While we remain nameless, it is easy for the church to be condemnatory. When we come out to others in love, however, we can celebrate an important victory. We enable others as members of the body of Christ to be true to the gospel as proclaimed for ALL people. In the final analysis, however, the approval of a committee, the General Conference, the bishop, or the pope is not necessary for our affinnation. The right to claim Christ as our Savior belongs to each man and woman as a child of God. • Dale McCurdy servedfor 10 years as diaconaL ministerofmusicatCommunity UMC. NaperviLLe. ILLinois. Easter Processional By John S. Rice CHRIST THE LORD IS RISEN TODAY, ALLELUIA! How can I sing your song in a strange land? SONS OF lvfEN AND ANGELS SAY, ALLELUIA! Where the words and the rules exclude me, RAISE YOUR JOYS AND TRIUMPHS HIGH, ALLELUIA! And where your Church won't accept me? SING YE HEAVENS, AND EARTH REPLY, ALLELUIA! Deliver me, 0 God, from these, my excuses for not singing. LIVES AGAIN OUR GLORIOUS KING, ALLELUIA! Explode my understanding, 0 God, WHERE, 0 DEATH, IS NOW THY STING? ALLELUIA! Until my words can't contain your inclusive love, ONCE HE DIED, OUR SOULS TO SAVE, ALLELUIA! Until my fear won't silence my witness, WHERE'S THY VICTORY, BOASTING GRAVE? ALLELUIA! Until even death is trusted to be always in your care. LOVE'S REDEEMING WORK IS DONE, ALLELUIA! Continue in me your work of redemption FOUGHT THE FIGHT, THE BATILE WON, ALLELUIA! That by your constant nurture and gentle care DEATH IN VAIN FORBIDS HIM RISE, ALLELUIA! My life may be a sign that all of stubborn creation CHRIST HATH OPENED PARADISE, ALLELUIA! Is being made new and whole. SOAR WE NOW WHERE CHRIST HAS LED, ALLELUIA! Rearrange my secret words of sorrow and fear FOLLOWING OUR EXALTED HEAD, ALLELUIA! Into lusty songs ofIOvingkindness and joy; MADE LIKE HIM, LIKE HIM WE RISE, ALLELUIA! Pry my fingers loose from their enduring excuses OURS THE CROSS, THE GRAVE, THE SKIES, ALLELUIA! That they may hug, heal, and perhaps play castanets. John S. Rice is director of Worship Works. a nationaL worship resource network. Open Hands 21 ~I----_RC -«.J _ P RE_POR_T-_ about 200 in the mid-1970s. The past few years have brought slow but steady growth, with a current membership of 235. Euclid's focus of ministry falls into two primary arenas. Its "church and world concerns" ministry has addressed a variety of concerns locally , nationally, and globally. As one sign of its growth and commitment, the congregation's budget for church and world concerns has increased from $3,000 to $24,000 over the past five years. The ministry of education is also an important part of the Euclid community. The Christian education program ad- A IDS ministries A Resource for Christian Education and Study Sexuality and spirituality Welcome to New Reconciling Congregations Euclid UM C (Oak Park, Illinois) Euclid UMC is an active and growing congregation in Oak Park, a multiethnic suburb of Chicago. The congregation was founded in 1898 and is one of five United Methodist churches in Oak Park. Like many other churches, Euclid suffered a significant decline in the 1960s, dropping to a membership of Homophobia in the church Sexual ethics ~ Every issue focuses on a particular theme related to m inistry with lesbians and gay men. ~ Every issue provides thought-provoking and discussion-generating a.rticles which probe the breadth of the particular theme. ~ Every issue also provides suggested resources for further study. ~ Used in both adult and youth settings. ISSUES AVAILABLE: o "Be Ye Reconciled" (Summer 1985) o "A Matter ofJustice" (Winter 1986) o "Our Families" (Spring 1986) o "Our Churches' Policies" (Summer 1986) o "Images of Healing" (Fall 1986) o "Homophobia and the Church" (Winter 1987) o "Minorities within a Minority" (Spring 1987) Single issue: $5 o "An Emerging Community" (Summer 1987) o "Sexual Violence" (Fall 1987) o "Spirituality and Sexuality" (Winter 1988) o "Building Reconciling Ministries" (Spring 1988) o "AIDS and the Church" (Summer 1988) o "Raising Reconciling Children" (Fall 1988) o "Sexual Ethics" (Winter 1989) 10+ copies: $3 each Single copies available for review at no charge. Annual subscription (four issues): $16 Please prepay your order with 15% postage and handling to: Open Hands. P.O. Box 2.3636. Washington. DC 20026. For information. write or call 202/863-1586. 22 Open Hands dresses the needs of the full congregation from young children to older adults. The process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation began at Euclid about 18 months ago. As part of this process, discussion was held in every committee, in adult Christian education classes, and in special forums. Concerns about being a Reconciling Congregation were addressed in newsletter articles and a congregational survey. One of the key struggles was with the meaning of being a "reconciling" community rather than just an "open" community (the former signifying taking a proactive, inviting stance). Euclid's decision to become a Reconciling Congregation is a part of its ongoing commitment to a church inclusive of all of God's people. Walker Community UMC (Minneapolis, Minnesota) Walker Community UMC is an inner-city church that has gone through a transformation process during the past 20 years. The community has been a center for community organizing efforts since the late 1960s. Ministries have included addressing housing and education needs and providing alternative institutions to serve the community. Fresh Air Community Radio found its home in the congregation's building. The Southside Family School has evolved out of years of struggle for change within the public school system. Several community theaters, including Heart of the Beast Puppet and Mask Theatre, began on stage in Walker's facilities. The current congregation has its roots in these new community-based institutions. Walker Community is a small congregation, recovering in many senses. The congregation has grown to 111 members from a low of 42 in the mid1970s. Spiritual recovery and growth are common themes for community members with small groups, workshops, and retreats available for such experiences. In 1983, Walker became a public sanctuary for refugees from EI Salvador and Guatemala; two Guatemalan refRe p REPORT ugees have found safe haven in this community. The decision to become a Reconciling Congregation was more a matter of recognizing what has been the stance of this church for many years. Now in its second century, Walker hopes to be a beacon of light welcoming people of all faiths into a community of nurture and growth -"we sing the songs of all people as we honor the Source of Life. " * * * With the addition of Euclid and Walker Community, there are now 38 Reconciling Congregations across the country. Thanks be to God! "Renewing Our Vision: Parables of Hospitality, Healing, and Hope" To Be Convocation Theme Plans for the second national gathering of Reconciling Congregations were ironed out by the RCP Advisory Committee at its recent meeting. Set for February 16-18, 1990, the convocation program will focus on grounding our reconciling movement in our biblical witness. The program will include group Bible study, workshops on local church ministries, several worship celebrations, and a festive banquet on Saturday night. The convocation will be held at the Fort Mason Conference Center on the historic San Francisco waterfront. Fort Mason is a federal park overlooking the San Francisco Bay, a short walk from Fisherman's Wharf. The weekend will also include special programs for junior and senior high youth participants. One highlight of · the weekend is sure to be the Saturday night celebration. Julian Rush (pastor of St. Paul's UMC, Denver, director of Colorado AIDS Project, and accomplished composer) is writing and directing a musical/dramatic performance for an ad hoc group of "RC Players." The convocation is intended primarily for representatives from Reconciling Congregations but will also be open to a limited number of other persons -members of prospective Reconciling Congregations, representatives from other denominations, national church staff, and other interested individuals. So begin thinking about whether you would like to be a participant in this historic and spirit-filled gathering. The registration fee of $100 for the first representative of a Reconciling Congregation, $75 for each additional RC representative, and $150 for participants not from Reconciling Congregations will include all meals and participation in all convocation activities. A convocation brochure and registration information will be available in the early fall of 1989. Watch future issues of Open Hands for further information and plan to be in San Francisco in February! Future Issues of Open Hands The upcoming issues of Open Hands will be: Summer '89 Closetedness and the Church Fall '89 Family-Related Concerns Winter '90 Interfaith Lesbian/Gay Movement Spring '90 Addiction! Co-dependency Summer '90 Celebrating Reconciling Congregations Fall '90 Toward a Gay/Lesbian Theology Winter '91 Adolescents and Homosexuality If you are interested in writing for one of these issues of Open Hands or could recommend someone else as a possible writer, write to the Open Hands staff at P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. A path to greater understanding ... And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on the Church and Homosexuality This booklet's gentle, personto-person approach is a perfect starting place for congregations or individuals dealing with questions about homosexuality: ~ How do people be<.:ome homosexuall ~ What does the Bible say about homosexuality'~ ~ What's it like to be gay or lesbian in the <.:hur<.:h today'~ "For all who feel the pain ofour times, this much-needed booklet identifies a path to greater love and understanding." -C. Dale White, bishop, New York Area, UMC Written by Ann Thompson Cook, 1988. 20 PI'. Published by the Dumbarton UMC Task For<.:e on Reconciliation; distributed by the Reconciling Congregation Program. $4.95 per <.:opy $3.00 for bulk orders (10 or more) Please prepay your order with 15% postage and handling to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. Open Hands 23 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 4 No 4 - Created to Create: Lesbian and Gay Men in the Religious Arts https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/d5cc6048aab4eeec4f3bf34e9a521076.pdf d86d6bcfedbf9f09e9417e189805d0c5 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 5 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1989 Publication Date The date the issue was published Summer Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine . ? If· lS to yours. . . . zt lS, gzve me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men · · · · $5.00 Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Telephone: 202/863-1586 n Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 5 No.1 Summer 1989 My Business or Ours? ...........................................4 Greg Wise I Choose the Church ..... . ....................... ... ..... . .. . . .. 6 Anonymous Wrestling with Closet Doors The Prices I Pay .................................... . ......9 Reva Anderson Between Memory and Hope ............................ . .... 10 Anonymous The Joys of Being Out .................................. ... 12 Mary Gaddis Back Home to the Farm ............ ... .............. . .. . .. . 13 Russell Fridley Coming Out Straight ................................ .... ... 14 Caroline Presnell The Call and the Pain ............................... . ..... . 15 Anonymous Standing Witness (poem) ... . .... ... ..................... .. . .. ... 16 Patricia Broughton At What Cost? .............................................. ... 17 Jesse R. DeWitt AIDS: Invading the Closet .......................... .. ... . . .. . . . 19 Chris Hinnen Sustaining the Spirit ................................ ... . .......20 Prayer of Confession and Hope Joanne Brown Resources .....................................................21 RCP Report ................................... .. ........... .. . 22 I Choose the Church ..... .. ...6 At What Cost? .............. 17 2 Open Hands In, Out, or In Between: The Closet Dilemma A gay friend wears a T-shirt with a simple proclamation: "Closets are for clothes." He laughingly tells of wearing the shirt and having a woman ask him where he got it. ''I'd love to get one for my husband," she exclaimed. "He's always leaving his clothes all over the place." To many gay men and lesbians-and probably to many non gay people-that story would seem both comical and sad. They would know instantly that this friend's shirt is not about keeping a bedroom neat; they would see the shirt for what it is-a statement of pride in who he is as a gay man and of determination not to keep his identity "in" the closet. Unfortunately, as he learned, proclaiming that he is "out" of the closet is not as easy as he thought. The truth is, few issues related to the closet are easy. There are many types of closets, many degrees of being in or out of them, and many reasons for being in some closets and out of others. One thing that is fairly simple is the making of blanket statements in opposition to the closet ("I have a moral responsibility to be honest"; "If people don't like my being gay, it's their problem") or in defense of it ("My private life is no one else's business"; "My ministry is so important that it's worth being quiet about who I am"). Such statements are almost always legitimate and hard to argue with. They can also oversimplify a dilemma that, for many people, is not only difficult but deeply painful as well. For Christians, the difficulties of the closet can be particularly complex. It is in the church that we are taught both the "morality" of personal honesty and the necessity of serving God through our actions as well as our faith. And it is also in the church that we can feel forced to choose between these two ethics-being "honest" about our sexual orientation (or even about the orientation of someone we love) can mean denial of opportunities to serve God in ways to which we feel divinely called. In this issue of Open Hands, we try to go beyond oversimplifications to look at the human dimensions beneath decisions to be in or out of closets related to sexual orientation. We hear three clergypersons offer varying perspectives: why one felt compelled to leave his closet and find a new (non-church-related) avenue for his ministry; why another believes that being in the closet is not a denial of her personal integrity; how another deals with continuing pain and frustration in wrestling with his closetedness. But closetedness in the church does not involve only lesbian/gay clergy or other church employees. It can involve almost any person in some way, as is evidenced by the variety of other contributors to this issue: a lesbian businesswoman, an older gay man, a lesbian construction worker, a gay farmer, a heterosexual mother / antihomophobia activist, a colleague of a gay pastor who died of AIDS, and a retired bishop. Each of these personal stories is different. But they also have some common themes-the joy of self-acceptance, the need for others' caring, the pain when the closet makes that caring seem nonexistent, and the importance of God, the church, and people in affirming and helping each person wrestle with closeted ness and openness in their various guises ... Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Kristan Burkert Bradley Rymph Graphic Design Supon Design Group, Inc. Open H.1nds is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1989 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Summer 1989 3 MyBusinrm or Ours~ Gregory A. Wise , , W hat I do in the privacy of my own bedroom is my business. I don't look in anyone else's bedroom windows and I don't want anyone else looking in mine!" How often I have heard these words uttered by closeted gay and lesbian sisters and brothers as they defend their right to privacy and hiddenness. And, in principle, I agree with them. Sexual expression should be a very private matter -loving, tender, intimate moments shared by two persons. The public should not be invited to, nor be interested in, what takes place in the privacy of anyone's bedroom. But the key word here is "should" Unfortunately, too often the public is interested in what takes place in the privacy of one's bedroom, and, in specific cases, the public has been there as an uninvited guest. Without question, one's sexual expression should not be a public matter in~ofar as it relates to what takes place between consenting adults. Prejudice and discrimination should not exist because one is gay/lesbian any more than it should exist because one is female or male. Persons should be judged and accepted or rejected as individuals, not because of issues related to sexuality. In reality, however, these ideals are far from experience. Women continue to experience discrimination in a maledominated world. Lesbian/gay folk can find difficulty in employment, housing, health care, etc. (I am currently employed by a community center that could not find health insurance for its employees as long as it used its legal name, "The Gay and Lesbian Community Center of Baltimore," in its application.) Why these difficulties? Simply because of what persons do in the privacy of their own bedrooms. And while I wholeheartedly agree that sexual expression should be a private matter and "my" business, the society in which we live has not allowed it to be so. And this forces persons who are gay/lesbian to respond somewhere between two polar reactions-allow your sexual orientation to remain "your" business, keep it hidden to avoid prejudice and discrimination, and ignore such prejudice and discrimination when experienced by others, or be open and honest about who you are, be "out," and meet these evils face to face, defending not only yourself but also the rights of others. In my opinion, the Christian tradition that formulated my mores and shaped the ethics which guide my decision-making process leaves me no choice. And, while I respect the manner in which others choose to live their lives and would certainly never breech another's confidentiality, I have decided that, personally, I must be open in order to defend myself and others. I cannot hide. To do otherwise would be a denial of self, a denial of others, and ultimately a denial of God-all of which are for me ethically intolerable. Ethically, it is unacceptable for me to deny myself. As a child growing up, it was in my local E.U.B. (Evangelical United Brethren) church that the ideals and principles of openness, honesty, and integrity were first taught to me. Perhaps I was naive, but I sincerely believed (and continue to believe) that a person can possess these ideals. In the end, it was the ideals and principles instilled in me by the church that would cause me to leave its service-that to which I continue to be called. When a person is lesbian/gay and is a member of the clergy, to accept oneself as lesbian/gay places oneself into conflict with the institution of the church (at least the United Methodist Church). Even though judicatory leaders may be personally supportive, the tension with the institution (i.e., The United Methodist Book of Discipline) remains. And, if openness, honesty, and integrity are going to continue to be part of a clergy person's life, service in the church becomes incredibly difficult and stress producing. Oh, service remains possible. But to do so most assuredly causes one to deny oneself on occasion, if only through silence, thus nullifying the openness, honesty, and integrity one seeks. On Palm Sunday, I shared with the Mid-Atlantic Affirmation group the fact that as Jesus rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey, he had a decision to make. He did not have to choose the passion and crucifixion. Jesus had free will, as do all human beings. His life could have been very comfortable-full of luxury and prominence. Easily, Jesus could have been regally crowned. That was within his power. But to do so, he would have had to deny who he was. Jesus was not an "earthly" leader. His was a different calling-a calling to which he remained true. Open Hands 4 "Emotionally, what must be the choice?" Lesbian and gay women and men have received a different calling than that which is perceived as the norm. To accept that calling leads more often to suffering and sacrifice than to a life of luxury and ease. But, ethically, what must be the choice? Emotionally, what must be the choice? Psychologists have repeatedly stated that the most well-adjusted, content lesbian/gay folk are those who are "out." Happy (blessed) are those who are comfortable enough with themselves to put others at ease. I sometimes wonder how much of the prejudice and discrimination one perceives is merely a reflection of one's own dissatisfaction with and unacceptance of oneself. Admittedly, being open about one's homosexuality imposes sacrifice and suffering. But to avoid this is to deny oneself and in so doing deny one's calling. This was not Jesus' example. But apart from the troubles many may bring on themselves by remaining closeted, a more important ethical consideration is how remaining hidden affects others. I am absolutely convinced that if all those who engage in same-sex behaviors stood up and were counted, the negative emotional energy of the issue would be dramatically neutralized, for everyone would then know and love someone involved. After all, if Kinsey is correct, a very small percentage of the population is exclusively homosexual and a very small percentage exclusively heterosexual. The vast majority in the middle, then, have probably experienced a variety of sexual expressions. If only those who have nothing to lose-those already disenfranchised from society-have the courage to be "out," then role models are extremely limited for young people struggling with their own sexual identity. If I myself am hidden, I will probably laugh at the faggot and dyke jokes to avoid suspicion. If I am cowering in my closet, I will not be free to be a buddy for a PWA (person with AIDS), to demand civil rights for those abused because of sexual orientation, or to offer another the full extent of my love. If I have accepted myself as a gay person, then it is selfish for me not to be open about who I am. Again-it should not be this way. Sexuai orientation should be a private matter. But as long as discrimination and prejudice exist based solely on sexual orientation, then I cannot be quiet. I agree with the popular slogan Silence = Death, especially considering the current health crisis. Physical, emotional, and spiritual death-for myself and for others. Finally, and ultimately, I believe all people, including lesbian and gay folk, must be open about who we are because to be otherwise denies the very God who created us. Contrary to what Jerry Falwell may say, God did create Adam and Steve as well as Adam and Eve .. . and Joyce and Ingrid and Allan and Elaine. We are all a spark of wondrous creativity birthed by our ingenious Creator. All of us different yet universally akin. We are members of one family and called to live in committed fellowship. Each of us is part of God's great design, and to deny who we are created to be frustrates God's intent. "For, behold, the realm of God is within you" (Luke 17:21). The love, creativity, intelligence, ability, passion, commitment, and caring for which gay/lesbian folk are so well known is not to be kept hidden and unshared. God's plan calls for these wonders to be present in the midst of a world of pain and incarnated within lesbian/gay persons. To deny oneself becomes a denial of God and God's plan. Can we afford so to do? Sexual orientation should be a private matter. But society has not afforded gay/lesbian people that luxury. Ethically, I see a clear imperative that all people not deny themselves, others, or God. For this, there is a price, however. It costs comfort, luxury, acceptance. But as we pay what is actually not that great a price, we find ourselves embraced by one for whom this is already a familiar path. Jesus the Christ shares the struggle with us! ... Gregory A. Wise is co-director of the Chase-Brexton Clinic, one of two anonymous HIV counseling and test sites in Baltimore, and a clinic for persons who are HIV positive. He is an elder in the Baltimore Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church. Summer 1989 5 I'CHOOSE'THE'CHURCH Aunited Methodist deacon increasingly believed For many, the issue is not whether to stay in the that he needed to share his sexual identity closet but whether to stay in the church at all! But here honestly with his bishop. In the conversation, I stand: As for me, I choose the Church. the deacon spoke with enthusiasm about the claiming of I bear incredible pain for that decision. Have you ever his homosexuality as both a gift and a blessing in his sat in a room and listened to persons diminish who you call to ordained ministry. The bishop, after listening are by speaking in ugly stereotypes about "others," not carefully, and seeking to respond in a pastoral and sup-knowing they are talking about you? Have you ever been portive way, said, "But _ __, why do you have to talk present when vicious emotional outbursts "perpetrate all about it? Just don't admit it or let anyone know. Most manner of evil against you falsely," but you know you of all, don't tell me about it!" To which the deacon cannot defend either yourself or your gay and lesbian responded, "You mean, bishop, if I lie about who I am, friends? Have you ever sat through church debates lisI'm 'fit' for ministry, but if I tell the truth, then you tening to heated arguments that because of who you are will block my future?" "That's about it," replied the it is impossible for you to fulfill your calling to some bishop. The deacon, who was later denied his elder's form of ministry (even if you've given evidence of acorders, found another avenue for his Christian vocation. complishment)? Is there any other minority group Two lesbians were in animated conversation. One was (people of color, persons with handicapping conditions, a United Methodist elder, the other the wife of a minyouth in the midst of adult decision makers, etc.) who ister and married over 20 years. Said the wife, "If it ever have to endure tirades in their presence on why they comes down to my choosing the Church or my sexuality, should be excluded from church settings? I'll choose my sexuality every time!" To which the elder, At the United Methodist Clergywomen's Consultation with equal vehemence, responded, "Well, I wouldn't. I'd in 1987, voices of anonymous lesbian clergywomen choose the Church!" She continues to serve in the stunned the gathering by speaking of "the lies and United Methodist ministry. deception and soul destroying silence" required of them: Two clergy in the same denomination, both homosex"1 am so far back in the closet that no one can see ual persons, but each one choosing a different path: one me"; "The closet is silent, dark, and lonely"; "I must leaving the professional ministry, the other staying. Did live within a lie"; "I'm faced with leaving the ministry one choose "honesty" while the other chose "dishonesor dying inside." One woman spoke of "walking in the ty"? Is one "living a lie" while the other "maintains desert, trusting God in that wilderness, and embracing integrity"? Is one compromising herself while the other that exile." It is a painful experience to remain in the affirms himself by "coming out"? Or is there another church. way to look at the situation in which gay and lesbian I understand the internal struggle that requires many church employees and members find themselves? While lesbians and gay men to "come out," to be honest about denominational positions vary slightly, for the most part the core of their identity for the sake of wholeness and this matter is particularly intense for ordained persons in their emotional health. In many ways, I long for that, which both homosexual orientation and behavior is extoo. But I believe there is a way to live, closeted, for the pressly forbidden. sake of our love of the Church and our call to ministry (in whatever form that ministry takes). Difficult as it Open Hands 6 constantly is, I refuse to name the closeted life "a lie," and I believe I have kept my integrity. Perhaps it all comes down to what I understand "Church" to be. Perhaps I am sustained by a commitment to a "Church" that is larger than any by which a denomination defines itself. Perhaps I remember that in the history of the Church, there have been those who have been persecuted for their convictions and honored as faithful through the lens of history. Perhaps I understand that the call to discipleship may include suffering for our faith in Christ and walking with Him in it. Whatever the reasons are, I love the church and believe that it is always essentially more than what it appears to be. of faith and incarnate itse(f in the very midst of the people. 2 If Jesus were to come again. he might well come as a gay or lesbian person, knowing what it means to be "despised and rejected of men." And so, where are we to look for the Body of Christ? Perhaps it is amidst those communities of faith where lesbian/gay and heterosexual persons worship, work, play, and seek justice together: among Reconciling Congregations and similar congregations in various denominations; in traditional settings where Christians friends know one another for who they are, lesbian/gay and heterosexual together; in prayer and The Church as the Community of Disciples I have found ways to define "Church" that have been strongly influenced by the Christian "base communities" of Latin America. Rising out of oppressed but believing disciples, these communities proclaim and live the values of God's Dominion in the midst of people fighting for their liberation. They are, indeed, the Church-outside of ecclesiastical boundaries-finding their life in the world and witnessing to the love of God made known in Jesus Christ. (The "women-church" movement in this country is another developing form of this community of faithful ones.) I always remember that the biblical image of the banquet table, with all its diversity, is the eucharistic table to which Christ invites us and around which the whole Church gathers. But I remember especially that, because those who were invited to the table refused to attend, the invitation was then given to those out in the streets, to those who originally had been uninvited. "And the wedding hall was filled with guests." (Matt. 22:10) It is the uninvited who remind the Church that its identity is in Jesus Christ and that its ultimate point of reference is the Reign of God, where justice and life prevail. Jose Miguez Bonino, Methodist theologian from Argentina, in writing about the biblical message, says: It is not a "Church" but a humanity that God creates. It is in humanity that God's image is reflected. It is to humanity that God entrusts a mission. It is with humanity that God makes a covenant of commitment. [The New Testament} has to do with a' new "humanity"-not a temple. but a city. I He goes on, in speaking about those who are called out as the Christian community, to remind us that the Church is always subordinate to the Reign of God. The Church is there to Hdiscern" God's universal action. Jesus did not merely advocate for "the poor" (or the uninvited or the outcast or the homosexual person); Jesus became poor, [The Church} will not try to absorb the people into it. nor will it proclaim itself to be the "leader" of the people. Instead it will structure itself as a community study retreats where gay and lesbian clergy are out of the closet to their intimate heterosexual friends. This is where "Church" as the community of salvation is experienced most fully. And for those of us who do not experience such a "Church," can we live by its vision until the Reign of God comes in our midst? "The banquet table is ready. There are lots of seats. Y'all come now!" The Character of Heresy Heresy has always been a charged word. It usually means "false teaching." While United Methodists and other mainline Protestants seldom use the word today, I believe that our denominations' efforts to tighten restrictions against gay and lesbian clergy are fundame~~al!y intended to remove "heretics" from the Church. SImIlarly, I believe the harsh condemnation of fa.ithf~l homosexual Christians is the only way the denommatIOns know how to cope with radical dissent (in lifestyle, as well as in doctrine I. You see, we gay men and lesbians who choose to remain in the church do not accept the institution's authority for how we perceive our sexuality. For us, claiming our sexuality as "good" or offerin¥ thanksgiving for our life partners of the same sex, m spite of our fundamental identity being judged "in.compatible with Christian teaching" (the phrase u:e~ m the United Methodist Church), is a heretIcal convictIOn! Instead of allowing the institution to define the faith, we live with a faith that has not yet defined the institution. Our Roman Catholic sisters often say to us, "We haven't left the Church; the church has left us." So, I've been doing some study about the charaeter of heresy. The Greek word for "heresy" actually means "a minority opinion." One writer remarks, "Heresy arises from the struggle between majorities and minorities in the Church, in which victorious majorities classify de-' feated minorities as heretics."3 From the very beginning, there were so-called "heresies" within the church, and what made them so dangerous to those who held power was that they drew their strength from a good deal of truth. Conte~porary church historians, such as Elaine Pagels and Elizabeth Schussler Fiorenza, have focused Summer 1989 7 on these minority voices who were silenced by the patriarchal "keepers of the mysteries." Hans Kling points out that frequently what has been called "heresy" has actually been a major part of the Christian message, brought out in a new way, and that it "fulfilled the function of warning and admonishing the Church as a challenge to self-criticism, reform, and renewal according to the Gospel."1 In a variety of ways, then, those heterosexual and lesbian/gay persons who light a candle in their closets are fulfilling Kung's affirmations: How often heresies prepared the way for good new directions in the Church ... they guarantee the "genuineness" of the Church. The birth of a heresy can therefore be a moment of grace for the Church, provided it is overcome by the power of love. In this way, too, the one Body of Christ is finally built up. "5 We have often recognized (at least in theory) that our efforts at "inclusiveness" of persons of color or persons in poverty or those with handicapping conditions should not be because the church is being generous or benevolent, but because the life experiences of those persons can provide perceptions that are desperately needed by the church. Isn't it time to recognize that those who have struggled for years with who they are as a sexual minority in our culture have profound and illuminating gifts to offer the church on a subject-human sexuality-that the church has for too long been unable to fully comprehend? Perhaps such continuing "heresy" can be a moment of grace for the church. On the other hand, we need to look at where real heresy may lie. Karl Barth interpreted "heresy" as "the willful abstraction of one element from the whole of doctrine and the placing of it with equal weight beside the Christological center."h Future historians reviewing current activities within our various denominations may conclude that the real "heretics" were not at all those whom many thought them to be! I have always been overwhelmed with the love which gay and lesbian Christians who have left their closets but still love the Church show toward even their strongest opponents. In so doing, they model for the rest of us attitudes that can take shape in us and inspire us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus. "See these Christians ... how they love one another!" The Invitation to Suffering In many ways, the 6Tfeat heretics were very much like the great saints. Those who do not submit to the authority of the church but remain hidden within it choose for themselves a way of suffering. "Neither group has ever been understood by lukewarm believers, shrewd ecclesiastical tacticians, or by the diplomats of the Church."7 Katarina of Siena once cried out: "Where were you, my God and Lord, when my heart was full of darkness?" And the answer came, "My child, didn't you feel it? I was in your heart." The early saints have no monopoly on suffering, for whenever we discover God's pain in our own pain we find community with God and understand it as participation in "the sufferings of Christ." Like the saints, we know what it means to endure the passion. I have been inspired by the Resistance movement during World War II. especially the writings of Christians who were condemned to die. In them qualities of selfconfidence, prophetic self-assurance, graceful dignity, and courageous serenity are empowering for me. The decisive certainty and unbelievable strength from pride in their own just cause and ongoing task kept them going. It is a particular strength that empowers the weak, and when it is infused by love, it is indestructible! Dorothee Soelle has written: Precisely those who in suffering experience the strength of the weak, who incorporate the suffering into their lives, for whom coming through free of suffering is no longer the highest goal, precisely they are there for others who, with no choice in the matter, are crucified in lives of senseless suffering. II I believe that those of us who choose to stay in the Church (instead of leaving it for "perfect freedom") have chosen "the way of suffering" and in that act have become more keenly united not only to Christ but also to those for whom Christ died. It is what enables us to com prehend the Gospel in the deepest places of our hearts, blesses us in the fulfillment of our ministries, and send us forth into the world with a daring and tender love. In my wrestling with the Psalms, I know in whom I have believed, for I pray with the Psalmist and with all manner of Christians everywhere, "Vindicate me, 0 Lord, for I have walked in my integrity" (Psa. 26:1)... Notes 1. Jose Miguez Bonino, "Fundamental Questions in Ecclesiology," in Sergio Torres and John Eagleson, eds., The Challenge of Basic Christian Communities (Maryknoll, N.Y.: Orbis Books, 1982), p. 146. 2. Ibid., p. 148. 3. Hans Kung, The Church-Maintained in Truth (Garden City, N.Y.: Doubleday / Image, 1976), p. 247. 4. Ibid. ;). Ibid., p. 255. 6. Van A. Harvey, A Handbook of Theological Terms (New York: MacMillan, 1964), p. lli. I. Kung, The Church, p. 248. 8. Dorothee Soelle, Suffering (LOndon: Darton, Longman and Todd, 1975), pp. 148-49. Open Hands 8 The Prices I Pay Reva Anderson I s a closet a place of retreat or privacy-or a deception in which people engage? Or is it both? I wonder sometimes. As one in a state of discovery, I'm trying to discern where I am in relation to various aspects. of the closet. Being Black and a lesbian in a white-male, heterosexual society is interesting-and much easier than being Black and a lesbian in the Black community. Why? Because ac-. ceptance by the Black community is more important to me. So, I guess I am closeted to the Black community. • When you grow up Black, poorfrom the bowels of society-and you survive, you feel a burden to represent the possibilities for others yet to come. You also desire to make proud those who believed in you and who assisted you along the way-it hurts to know they would be sorely disappointed and terribly ashamed to know you are a "bull-dyke." I remember when I was about 14 being told to stay away from a woman in the community who was organizing a girls softball team. My father also warned her to "stay away from my girl." I didn't understand why I couldn't be around this woman; I just wanted to learn to play softball. I never learned-to play softball or the real reason why I couldn't be around that woman. However, now I have a pretty good idea. She was thought to be a lesbian or, in the language of our community, a "buB-dyke." She must have suffered a lot of pain from being denied the opportunity to lighten her "burden" for representing an acceptable role model for young Black females. This pain I have attempted to avoid by remaining in the closetthough the door is open-in the Black community. What does this mean? I don't pretend to be heterosexual, but I don't attest to being a lesbian. Actually, I avoid real involvement with the Black community. Black folks have a tendency to get into "your business," and the only way I know to effectively keep them out is to not be close to them. I would like so much to serve as a role model to young Black females-I'm an entrepreneur, a first-generation college graduate with a Ph. D., but Summer 1989 9 • • • Between Memory and HopeM y name is irrelevant. I I'm also a lesbian. Worse yet, my partner is a white female. I fear the Black community would warn me, as my father did the "softball woman," to "stay away from their girls." Even though I consider the price to be pretty high for disclosing my homosexuality to the Black community, I don't consider it as high as the cost the church seeks to extract. Sure, I would like to have "my people" proud of me-I would like to share the benefits of my education, experiences and associations with young, aspiring, Black females-I would like to have parents and teachers point to me as someone to emulate, but as "what" or "whom"? To risk this "recognition," or to be denied it altogether, is a pretty high price to pay for "coming out," or is it? At an earlier point in my life, I might have thought so; but now I understand it only to be my ego, a small price compared to what the church asks of me-my soul. Like so many other lesbian and gay people in the church, at one point I thought I could assure my "salvation" by "purchasing" the church's acceptance through the closet. I was taught and I accepted "deny yourself" as the secret to coping with being "homosexual and a Christian." And to "deny yourself" meant to be closeted about who you were, how you felt, and what your needs were. Consider, we usually closet those things we want to preserve, or if you are like most of us, those things we don't want to deal with-like sexuality. Especially sexuality that is less understood-misunderstood to be "unnatural." So, should the "pot say to the potter, why have you made me thus?" Or, should we just "curse God and die"? The church tempts me to be in this sort of relationship with God rather than in one where I "cast my cares on God for God cares for me." The church's price for my being in the closet is to forfeit the grace Christ purchased for me on the cross. I'm not willing to pay that price. 'Y Reva Anderson is a member of CentraL UMC, a ReconciLing Congregation in ToLedo. Ohio. o am a lifelong United Methodist afflicted with a di- o sease that our society labels "age." o Growing older means many things to o many people. For some, it means o recurring illness or a sense of o vulnerability and brokenness. For o many, it means an overwhelming : sense of death. I am also a gay man in a fairly o conservative, medium-sized town o located near a major city. U nforo tunately, it has often seemed to me o that this second dimension of who I : am has only complicated my life and o thus my own aging process. My experiences with closetedness o have taught me much about privacy o and seclusion. My sexuality has re- o mained firmly in the realm of the passive, a sexuality not manifested in o the open or acted upon positively. I recall my first notion of attraction to the same sex while in that in- o famous American institution called o the Boy Scouts. My first sexual experience occurred at a young age and : was with a close friend of my family. o The individual was in his early twen• ties-a young adult who should have • known better than to take advantage · of a child. Simultaneously, I became cognizant of society's labeling process. Those who participated in such behavior were known to be "queers," "fairies," and "faggots," with "fairies" being the favorite terminology. To be labeled in such a way at that time meant complete ostracism-not just from society but from the meaning and potential of life. Public knowledge of one's gayness meant more than lost employment or family rejection, as horrible as that was. It meant, above all else, an unwelcome and forced isolation. There was no gay/lesbian community then, as there is today. (At least, if there was I could not find it.) And, despite the fact that many of us lived a common life, there was no viable, socially acceptable, and long-term way to share that commonality. The first time I patronized a socalled gay bar (then a rare and infant institution), I was told by the bartender that I did not belong there. This only compounded my sense of isolation-and for years to come. But eventually I became hopeful again, for I had heard of something new: a "bathhouse." I was told that this was a place where one Open Hands 10 "For me, the closet clearly had an ugly face" • Summer 1989 could be himself. In my naivete, I believed this to be true. I was even lucky enough to meet someone there-someone who was for me at that juncture a Messiah figure who would save me from my loneliness and thus give to me some degree of meaning and relationship. Imagine my surprise when this man, quite unknowingly, walked into my workplace with daughter in hand. He was married! This was particularly painful as he had told me of his singleness and his desire to make a life for us together. In fact, he had even lied about his name. The years that followed were among the most bitter I have known. My so-called friend and potential lover was not content with anonymity. Instead, his course of action was vengeance. He threatened to expose me to family and employers. The price I paid for his silence was quite literally to pay him off. Over the next 15 years, I paid this man close to $20,000. The payments started small. Sixty dollars would buy me a week of silence. As time progressed, however, the amounts increased until I was financing his family's luxuries-clothes, conveniences, vacations. I remember vividly and painfully realizing during one holiday season that my payments for silence were purchasing his family's entire Christmas. Eventually, this man moved away after having met another man.and abruptly leaving his wife and children to fend for themselves. Even then, however, my peace of mind was only partially restored. Indeed, my living memory of these years still exists in terms of present-day poverty. For me, the closet clearly had an ugly face. And yet it was the only face I knew. In its reflection, I found some degree of comfort and solace. So, for the next eight years, I renounced my identity as a gay man. For me, a pathetic irony was realizing that the very community I belonged to had in some sense made me one of its many casualties. N eedless to say, God seemed very far away. I had always been a member of the local United Methodist Church. Church was for me a source of freedom from all that afflicted my life. It was the only place that gave me hope. In the quietness of its sanctuary, there seemed to be for one brief moment each week light in the midst of my darkness. But such light remained vague and intangible until recently. At age 61, hope finally had a face in the person of a pastor whom I revealed myself to and with. He told me that I mattered. Only now, after all these years, have I come to realize my innate value as one of God's children. Only now have I begun to understand and experience the reality of this one named Christ. Late in life, I have finally come to see that my gayness is good and is one of God's gifts to me. None of this would have been possible if this one pastor had not introduced me to the presence of God, which up until now had remained unimaginable. For him and his ministry, I shall always be grateful. This is not to say that all has suddenly become happiness and perfection, sweetness and light. I still have countless issues that must be resolved. And I sometimes worry that I may not have enough time left to resolve them all. Nevertheless, much has changed an~ for the better. I finally am able to bear witness to the fact that one can be both gay and Christian and that both are good. As one commonly referred to as a senior citizen, I live much of life out of a sense of memory. But today and with joy, I also live out of hope .... 11 o The Joys of Being Out Mary Gaddis At work, on a construction site, 20 feet up in the air, on a 3' x 6' platform, Frank o asked why I had been arrested a o month earlier. I said I thought it was o because I am a lesbian. (I didn't o think about what I was saying. I tell people all the time I'm a lesbian.) o He lifted his arms and walked too ward me. Then he grabbed me-and o I realized he was hugging me and o crying, on a construction site where o "men are not supposed to cry." After • the hugging and crying, Frank thanked me for coming out. Ten o years earlier his college roommate o had come out to his family. They o kicked him out and told him to find o a new last name. He went back to o school, packed, not telling Frank o why, said good-bye and left. Frank o learned some years later his room- o mate was gay and afraid of Frank's • possibLe response. What I got by o coming out to Frank was the love o and caring his roommate never got. o Frank thanked me for coming out so o he could tell his roommate, through o me, how much he cared. I'm sad about the roommate and o his family and hope time and como munication have healed those o wounds. And I celebrate the relief, comfort, and joy Frank and I will o always share by my coming out. I started coming out about 13 years ago. It took me a while to figure out I was a lesbian, but, as soon as I did, I came out to most of the world-including husband, parents, sister (brother came later}, doctor, co-workers, church folk. I was so glad to have some understanding of who I really am. An emptyness in me was filled, and I wanted to share that joy. I wanted to let people know I felt whole and happy and full. We aJ] know horror stories about coming out, but, in · addition to "Frank" I want to share a few of the o joy-full stories that help make the risk worth it. After I came out, mv mom was afraid what effect that might have on her friends. We were part of the same local church, and most of mom's friends were church friends. One week a bunch of them were having lunch together. She said, "I need to tell all of you that Mary came out to me recently and I'm scared. I don't want to lose you as friends." Their response was, "We don't know what being a lesbian means, but we know we love you and we love Mary. So we'll learn about what being a lesbian means." They have been very supportive both of mom and of mo. When I decided to be in my first Gay Pride March, I was working as a laborer, the only female in a 25-person maintenance crew. Some of the guys asked what I was going to do for the weekend. So, I told them. They were horrified. They wouldn't let me do it-not on a dirty motorcycle like that. If I was going to ride with Dykes on Bikes, they were going to be proud of me. Four of us spent most of the rest of the day washing and polishing my bike. When I rode down Market Street two days later I was filled with pride. And I felt a special joy thinking about those three "straight" men watching the sixo'clock news "parade report" with their families. I 've been a steamfitter and worked in the local union for 10 years. I had never been to a company or union party, never felt quite comfortable. We were always encouraged to "bring your wife and family." This last Christmas I talked with Judy and filled out the reservation card for 2. When we arrived the room was filled with beautifully dressed straight couples. At least we half-way fit in-I in my tux, Judy in her black suit with bright purple shirt. We sat at a table with four other couples. Two of the men were people I was working with at the time, one of whom was on the crew I "ran." (At the time I was in the middle of my four months as "foremame.") "This is my wife, Michelle. Michelle, this is mv boss, Mary. and her-uh-partne;' Judy:' The food was good, the company interesting. the evening was good fun. Judy won a door prize, and the music was most danceable. There was pure delight in going to work Monday morning and having the crew say things like "It was great to meet Judy." "You look terrific in a tux." And "You two must dance a lot, you really looked good." There is real joy in knowing I care about these men and they care about me. A number of years ago the Commission on the Status and Role of Women (COSROW) of the California-Nevada Conference of the United Methodist Church wanted to put my name in nomination for chair of that group. I said I would only do that with the understanding that I was an out-ofthe-closet lesbian. I felt they needed to think about what that would mean for the commission and for themselves. The commission unanimously asked me to run. It was a real delight to have them affirm me in that way. Subsequently, the conference nominating committee had a tough discussion about my nomination. During that dialogue a couple of other people were motivated to come out. They said things like, "I need to tell you that these things you're saying about Mary are not what being gay or lesbian is about. I know because I'm a gay man." In the end I did serve as COSROW chair. I was glad that my being out had empowered others to come out and that in the whole process some learning and growing had taken place. When asked if there was something I could share about the joys of being out of the closet, my answer was, "What's the question?" To me it wasn't a matter of "if" I could find something to share, but "which" of the joys to choose to share. These stories are only but a few of the rewards that I have gained by sharing who I am.• Mary Gaddis is the founder of Women Empowering Women in northern California, where she aLso works as a pLumber and pipefitter. Open Hands 12 :. Back Home to the Farm o Russell Fridley o Most of the time this is a beautiful place to live. The wind blows much too hard and all too often. The days unintero rupted by nature's heavy breathing o are splendid to say the least. My life o began not far from here, just across o the river . . Grandfather came to this land with his father to settle and raise a family, horses, and grain. The o homestead still stands as a sort of o monument to the struggles of the o past and hope of the future. Dad o farmed the land passed on to him and more. He also bought a farm, where I live now. This is where my o family lived and I grew up. With a o house full of love, we all matured o and found our place in life, some- o times by accident or maybe by God's o will. When I was 23, Dad passed away. The responsibility of a busy farm be- o came mine, and I accepted willingly. o With two years of college behind me, o I became the operator and manager o of the place and did well, aside from being unmarried and lonely. The church choir was something I o became involved in. The church famOily as a whole was great support in o my situation. For a while, I dated a o young woman whom I met at church. But my interest faded quickly, as it had in the past so o many times. There just didn't seem o to be anyone of interest to me. The o drive from within never occurred. o Even with intimacy, the female o gender just didn't fulfill the need I felt for companionship. My best friend Dough couldn't o even persuade me to stick with the o women I dated. One day it came to o me that the daily needs of como panionship I felt were being fulfilled by Dough. He was attractive, no doubt, but I could never discuss my o feelings lest I be rejected and lose his o company. More and more, I realized o I was gay. I never felt that being gay o was wrong in God's eyes, but I knew that society would not tolerate it. A year or two went by, and out of total frustration I decided to find someone else like me. In a bar in a o city nearby, I met my first com pan- Summer 1989 ion. The experience was overwhelming. I felt so incredibly alive and overjoyed to be a part of this world. Mom and I went to church that weekend. One of the hymns we sang was "He leadeth me: 0 blessed thought." I felt the touch of God's great power come down and tell me I was OK even if I didn't do what society thought was OK. "Whate'er I do, where'er I be, still 'tis God's hand that leadeth me." I was just beginning to mature spiritually, and I felt the need to follow my inner self's needs. The world began to seem brighter, better, happier to me. I moved to the city and became acquainted with more people like myself. There was some disappointment, however. The folks I met were nice, but they lacked the sincerity of my friends back home. The love and security of the church family was missing too. All these gay III wonder if anyone has figured us out. I hope SO." ~ people seemed wrapped up with being successful city folks. I guess you can't take a boy out of the country. Visits home to the farm and my hometown church always felt so good. Everyone said they missed me, and somehow I knew it was true. At the beginning of my third year in the city, I met someone special at last-someone with a love so sincere and honest I could not ignore it. The two of us, Ray and I, soon set up house together. We each are very different from one another, but that seemed to make things better. He soon joined the United Methodist church we attended together each Sunday. I've never joined the church; I don't feel a need to. After a few months, another spring began to approach. As a farmer at heart, I yearned for my home, the earth, the trees, even the wind. On a weekend visit home, some friends expressed a need for an honest mechanic, a guy like me, to keep their machines rolling. I instantly saw an opportunity for income. The farm, really, in this day of agricultural depression, isn't able to support one person or family. OK. I'm living with this fine man, in a fine house, in a fine part of town. I have a fine job. However, my inner spiritual self says "Go home to where life feels most fulfilling." So I quit my job and moved back to my home town. My partner did not join me in my venture. He is a city person. We've held together a sort of weekend relationship. I've attended church both in the city and in my home town. It is so hard not to become involved at home. The church family needs me. I wish I could come out to them so they would understand why I won't commit to anything. The choir pesters me regularly to join. Ray comes sometimes for the weekend, and we go to church together. I wonder if anyone has figured us out. I hope so. For some reason, in the past year I have not felt God's power very much. I don't know why. Maybe because of my fragmented life. I have not stopped long enough to take note. I really don't know why I don't feel the magic I used to. The inspiration that used to come from singing an old familiar hymn just isn't there anymore. Could it be because I avoid any commitment to my church? I'm surely not doing anything to help anymore. I spend a lot of energy keeping my relationship alive. Maybe the problem is that I spend too much energy on one person instead of many. It still feels right to be living where I am. I'm a good mechanic, taking the best care I can of the people that live in this little valley. I hope the great power we call God is using me in a favorable manner. That's important to me! • Russell Fridley is a farmer currently working as a mechanic serving the agricultural commmunity in southcentral Washington. 13 Coming Out Straight Caroline Presnell , , S 0 what are you doing . 0 with yourself these days?" asks an acquaintance I haven't seen in a while. I name several things and add, "And next week I'm leading another workshop on sexuality and homophobia for the Kinheart Women's Center." At this point, if the person doesn't know my history well, I'm likely to get "The Look." I can almost hear them thinking, "Is she lesbian, after all?" I am then faced with a decision: to come out as a "straight" person or not. I usually choose to leave them wondering. It's part of my educational strategy in workshops and in personal encounters to disturb the unfortunately common idea that lesbians and gay men are always easily identifiable because they are very different from heterosexuals. In most of my social life, though, people know I'm not lesbian. When I choose to talk about the workshops, I am choosing to come out as an activist. I can't predict the reaction. It might be puzzlement, eager acceptance of an opportunity for discussion, or hostility. I don't like this coming out any more than I like being visible and vulnerable in antiapartheid demonstrations. Yet I won't stop doing either one. I was reared a Christian. According to my reading of the Gospels, some of the main themes are inclusiveness, liberation, and standing with the oppressed. I try to put these beliefs into action through my church, Wheadon United Methodist. Being a Reconciling Congregation, one important event for us is marching in the Gay and Lesbian Pride Parade. Talk about coming out! That's about as public as you can get. You don·t know who will see you, in person or in the news media, and perhaps assume you are lesbian/gay. You don't know how your personal image may be affected by being associated, even as a nongay/lesbian person, with a less than popular cause. These concerns are minor when weighed against the gratifications. The mood of the watching crowds 14 ranges from curious to friendly to festive. The sign we carry with our church's name draws frequent applause and audible comments. "Hey, a church is with us. All right!" Sometimes I glue on my smile and choke back my tears as I see an unobtrusive thumbs-up aimed at us, or a silently mouthed "Thank-you," and wonder what pain and rejection that person may have felt from the Church. I pray for the time when Pride Week will be no more and no less than another folk festival, the need for a political component all but ended. Because my home and church upbringing taught me to stand with the PROVO O~ MY 6AY SoN oppressed, I believe I would be involved in homophobia education even if I didn't have another personal reason. I'll never know that for sure, however. Homophobia has hit me in some tender places. In our workshops, leaders tell their own stories in order to put a face on homophobia. In relating mine, I come out in another way: I say that one of my five children is gay. Adjusting to the gayness itself wasn't a big task. He and I were close as he was growing up, and shared our thoughts and feelings freely. So when he, in his early twenties, told me that he was gay, I was shocked and very hurt that he had kept it from me. When I asked him why he hadn't told me earlier, he said my life was hard enough without adding another big burden. I was angry when I realized that although I had tried my utmost to be a good parent, I had not been fully available to and supportive of my child as he had gone through a special struggle in his formative years. I remembered that none of my child-rearing books suggested that sex education include information about homosexuality. I felt, and still feel, robbed. Each time I tell my story, it's like picking the scab off a wound and having it bleed some more. I don't have to do it, of course. I could choose not to come out as the parent of a gay person. I could avoid feeling resentment for ignorance, demeaning reactions I sometimes get, or weariness at perpetually having to be an educator. Most of all, I hate being pitied! But, like lesbian and gay people who open the closet door, I prefer to live free even if some consequences are undesirable. Many parents are unable to be open about their lesbian/gay child. I feel that by being out, I encourage them to struggle. I perhaps provide hope for lesbians and gay men working toward coming out to parents, or validation for those whose parents have rejected them. To come out as either an activist supporter or a parent of a lesbian/gay person is to stand with-to put body and spirit beside-the oppressed/loved ones. When society figuratively or literally throws rocks at my son, they wound me, too. I'm not going to hide in a closet while it happens. They're at least going to have to look me squarely in the face as they take aim. ~ Caroline Presnell is a member of Wheadon UMC. a Reconciling Congregation in Evanston, Illinois. She is interested in spirituality as it relates to humanity's development and envisions the evolution of religion to an eventual global synthesis of our collective wisdom. Open Hands T here are many joys associated with being a parish pastor. They have to do with living : with folks year in and year out and o sharing their lives-their triumphs; o their tragedies. One of the greatest joys is being able to share the whole gospel with them over the years. I o don't have to teach the whole Bible o in one Sunday school hour-or pro- o claim the entire message of God's o salvation in one 20-minute sermon. I can preach on spiritual growth this week, the global mission of the o church next week, the social respono sibility of the Christian the week o after, and the importance of Bible o study the week after that. One Sunday I preached what I felt o was a hard-hitting and sound sermon o on the church's responsibility to lead o in dismantling patterns of dis- o crimination-on our responsibility to o stand against racism, anti-semitism, o sexism, and homophobia. As I shook o hands after the service, one o parishioner commented to me: You know, I really appreciate your sermons. They are thought provoking and educational. You gave us a great deal to think about this morning. You really opened my eyes to how the church has collaborated in discrimination. But, while I have to agree with you that gays should be able to live and work where they want like anyone else, it is different when it comes to the church itself. We can't let homosexuals be leaders in the church; it wouldn't work. No homosexual could stand in the pulpit and teach me anything about the Christian faith. o It was simultaneously one of the fun- o niest and one of the most painful • moments of my career. For, you see, : I am a gay pastor. This incident happened many • years ago, but it is still the first story • I tell when asked what it is like to · be a gay pastor. It is by turns amus: ing, frightening, full of hope, and : full of pain. · What is it like? o It is scary. A great number of people-ind~ed the official policy of our church- o would put me right out of the ordained ministry if they knew I were gay-for living a life "incompatible with Christian teaching." That is very frightening-because it would separate me from a career I love, because it would destroy a reputation I have worked many years to build. and because I don't know how else I could make a living. It is scary to have to worry about "rumors" and "appearances," who can be trusted and who can't, the possibility of being exposed. It is damaging to my ministry when I am tempted to hold my tongue rather than risk antagonizing someone who would love to "expose" me "for the good of the church." It is frustrating. Though I consider myself to be one of the more able pastors in my annual conference, I will never have the advancement that I deserve because of innuendo and suspicion among my colleagues-some of whom, though married and presumed above suspicion, are also gay. Even colleagues who don't have personal problems with my life-style are a little afraid to have me in a position of any prominence because I might cause "scandal" in the church. In addition, being a gay pastor is frustrating because the church badly needs to be confronted with its homophobia and with the debt it owes to its gay and lesbian clergy. (I know of one annual conference in which virtually every major committee is headed by a gay or lesbian pastor.) If I came out there would have to be some acknowledgment (albeit grudgingly) that a gay man was an effective and respected pastor. But I can't do that without losing my job and thus all future opportunity to continue to be an effective parish pastor. As much as I want the church to face squarely my sexual orientation, I love my work and want to continue doing it. And my situation is also frustrating because I see gays and lesbians in the church. particularly youth who desperately need good adult gay/lesbian role models, but I can't be that role model without risking losing completely my access to these people. It is lonely. In an organization that places great value on committed relationships, I could not "bless" a relationship of my own in the eyes of the church. Besides, can you imagine moving a lover into the parsonageeven dating is a cat-and-mouse game with nosy parishioners. I feel cut off from both sides-never accepted for who I really am by the church community that means so much to me, and isolated by suspicion of anything or anyone connected with the church and by the demands of my job from the gay community as well. Only the presence of others in the same predicament keeps me from total despair. It is painful. I have lost friends to AIDS, but I cannot grieve openly. I hate the hiding and would love to live openly as who I really am. I am hurt constantly by actions and statements of a church and people that I really love. One particularly painful memory is of watching the pastor of my teenage years, a second father I dearly love, stand right next to me at annual conference and vote to deny ordination to gay men and lesbians. It is truly, in many ways, an intolerable situation. Why then, one might legitimately ask, do I put up with it? I could give you political reasons-the most effective agents of change are often Summer 1989 15 those within the system. I could give you ethical reasons-the church is · Standing Witness wrong on this issue, and I am part of a righteous remnant. And I sort of believe these things. But the greatest truth is, I don't feel I have had a choice. God made me a gay man and called me to ordained ministry, and to deny either my gayness or my calling would be to mock God. In spite of that, if I had come out before I finished seminary, I'm not sure I would have gone through with ordination-because I knew how homophobic the church was, and I'm not sure I would have had the courage to submit myself to it. As it worked out, however, I found myself confronting my sexual orientation in the midst of the church and, more importantly, in the midst of my professional ministry. My sense of God's acceptance and love have certainly deeply affected the way I deal with facing my gayness. At the same time, the process I went through in dealing with my gayness has made me a much better pastor than I ever could have been without it. I learned compassion and tolerance in the struggle to face who I am. And I feel that my experiences of homophobia have given me some insight into the oppressions of other people, helping me to stand for the rights of all who are oppressed. So-though I suffer from the conflicts of being both gay and a pastor-I nevertheless feel complete. I am a far healthier and better pastor than I was when I was denying my gayness. This is the ultimate irony-the church would dismiss me for the very thing that has given my ministry most of its power. Will I stick it out? I honestly don't know. There may come a point at which my need to take care of myself overcomes my commitment to being a pastor. I'm getting older, my pension is long vested, maybe it is time to live openly, to open myself to the possibility of a relationship, to spend more time with people who affirm who I am and not who they want me to be. Maybe it's time. Maybe it is a foolish dream to think the church I love and serve will ever learn to love and serve me and other gays and lesbians. Maybe it's time to let go of the hope that the church will ever turn back to the love of Christ and away from power games and oppression. I pray for my church. butmaybe it's time. Y · Phyllis is dead. · Shot herself to death Monday afternoon. · You remember Phyllis: the lesbian who wanted to be ordained in the United Methodist Church (God knows why). · Wanted to be a minister in a church that told her quite clearly: "No queers allowed here" (Only they said it much nicer than that, of course.) · Still, Phyllis persisted (God knows why) insisted she had a call t~ ministry, insisted she'd be less than whole proclaiming the Gospel of Jesus Christ from the vantage point ·. of a closet. · Somehow she clung to the notion that she, too, was made in the image of God (God knows why), even while being battered by the church, even while her gifts and graces were being trashed. Well, Phyllis is dead now. · She's not around to bother you anymore, Church. · Not around to stand before you, insisting you see her .and hear her and know her. · No, Phyllis isn't around anymore. · And all you have left to contend with, Church, is a host of witnesses angelic and otherwise who stand expectantly before you. · And not a closet in sight. , , ~-:--:,~-<::; ~~.~ . .. .-.' Patricia Broughton ~ :-~" Chicago-based freelance writer and photographer 16 , • Jesse R. DeWitt Summer 1989 What is the cost? This is a question that is asked in every segment of our society. Cost analysis is a significant part of institutional and corporate survival. But how does one define or secure the "cost" to the church for its positions on social. economic, and/or moral issues that divide the body? What is the cost to United Methodism. or any denomination, for its social pronouncements on homosexuality and the resulting consequences in the lives of individuals? How does one measure the cost to individuals and the church of those who are either alienated from the church or maintain a "closet attitude" regarding their sexuality within the church'! As I experience increasing division within the church over issues of sexual orientation, I am aware that there are no sim pIe answers. It will be possible to report a specific dollar cost for the United Methodist quadrennial study and report of the Task Force on Homosexuality that was approved at the church's General Conference in 1988. However, this financial statement or audit will in no way address the real cost of homophobia in the United Methodist Church as a result of the report of this committee and the investments some will make to support its recommendations and others to oppose it. The investment on the part of pastors, laity, boards and agencies, cabinets and bishops regarding the issues of sexual orientation would be difficult to secure. Many of us are fully aware of the extent of such deliberations in our own experiences. Time, resources, and travel within judicatories have been invested as persons seek to deal responsibly with these issues. To acknowledge this is to call us to accountability and to raise the more critical concern of cost to the church of "gifts and graces" of individuals who are not accepted or recognized as "morally qualified" to share in the ministries of the church because of their sexual orientations or their supportive positions on homosex,uality. Personal stories, which must of necessity remain confidential, are the main vehicle through which one can begin to sense the high cost of homophobia to the church and society. I am aware of numerous individuals whose "gifts and graces" would have been of tremendous value to the church in pastoral ministry, and in other areas, of our church life. They have withdrawn from church involvement out of fear for their personal safety and/or to maintain their personal sense of integrity rather than reveal their sexual orientation. These persons possess the essential qualities of compassion, sensitivity, spiritual and social concern, intellectual capacity, educational qualifications, personal commitment, counselling skills, administrative ability, and creative vision. Their ability to challenge people to faithful action, to motivate individuals to self-awareness, and to create a climate in which various positions could be openly and honestly discussed is obvious to me. The cost to the church when such presence is lost to the community is high. I am aware of. the personal emotional and psychological cost to individuals who have remained within the structure of the church, living with the secret of their sexual orientation out of fear and uncertainty. To live on the edge of possible exposure and rejection extracts a high price from individuals and society. When persons are unduly limited in their capacity to share their God17 given talents openly, the church and society lose the bounty of such gifts and the individual often suffers anxiety and frustration. I have also experienced congregations and individual persons whose legalistic religious perspectives focus tremendous energy in policing the church in areas of sexual orientation. Such motivation is not open to rational discussion, reasonable consideration, or Christian love. A homosexual orientation is seen as so "evil and sinful" from their perspective that the only valid response open to the church is rejection. (The exception to this is if a gay/lesbian person "converts" to heterosexuality.) Compassion , forgiveness, and other nonjudgmental values of the Christian faith don't seem to enter in. Such churches and individuals become "single issue" oriented and project uncompromising demands upon the larger community of faith. Such action on the part of \I > "" ..,J '" v., '" '(" ., <. ., ), < "C'" .... r>f"Lv ....IIIIL'" 1-" f"""'" <oJ ".., ~ '" "., \. <(' oJ< ;} J'\ t.. r .., ( ., ., < '(' L. LV,.. ,...J ('" " ., ',... L. t'",.. L.,.., ,,~~ :r-v~",...."',,"-: ':--:"r \I.,'" r".,>(",..""" '" ., "'.J t" < L.." -, ~ &,. v '" .l '" " '1)" ... ,.. ... ,..t..,...,..~"'1'('~v ..J '" ....J.,., < ., ') ,.. < '(''''.c. "" <. '" > (" L"7&.-'C'<""....&t" ....&~L-r-.,V">,, &. v : ~ ':, ~"~I\'L,.. 7 ... &,.. 'T ".(, : "" "", \ v:t"..,..,.......r.......... <. ,.'" >" ') '" .> l,.. "" --'< t....,,....;:,<. ., " "\.J" .,. L ..J ., L 1\"> t. ,..'"L ~ r.l '),.. L ... '("' "L.vt'v..,J..,,,-",,...,'»"' .... "..,v >.,>V(,\.rv~v..,,.. "'>"'v"''''''L.''''''''''"&-",<...I..,.loL~''",,..) t'",,,.lo<>L,, ~ "" <t,.':~~ ~ ~ .,,,, >r "'., -:. <'.... ""r-<..,">"" >L,.. ",,"),..'" ~ ~ ~ ~ LI\ ,." ..,> ;: -; ('''» -, ~t'",,) '" 7f'".J' ~" """ \.>.. '" .,.J<,..,L....,..,('.v.,""'~ ........ ,.. "'''r.,'':.,'t''.... ..",,7L "..,L..., Vi ~I >/\'" ~L "" t",.. ,.. ~ , . L 1\ '(' one group polarizes the church. It redirects the focus and attention of the community from its primary tasks and objectives to dealing with one set of issues. In addition, it builds walls of separation and bitterness that limit open communication, mutual trust, and unity. The body is severely fractured, and reconciliation and healing are rendered virtually impossible. Human and financial resources are redirected into such endeavors at high cost to the overall mission of the church. When people are alienated, wounds are deeply inflicted and real healing is difficult. The church and its constituency pay dearly for sllch divisiveness. Because of their positions and/or actions, many local churches find it difficult to provide pastoral ministry to lesbian/gay persons. Although many on an individual basis would affirm a ministry to all persons, narrow definitions of the body of Christ by institutions make sllch ministry impossible. The effect of denying pastoral ministry to members of Christ's body is difficult to measure. It is clear, however, that there are no winners and the meaning of salvation and reconciliation can be distorted in such situations. Often an individual or group is willing to challenge what they believe to be a denial of human rights or a misunderstanding of the Gospel. Such confrontation can be essential to creative change but costly to those involved. I have shared with numerous individuals in this struggle. I have seen the responsible committees, boards, and agencies of the church take strong positions after prayerful and serious deliberation. Even though the group's discussion is intended to be confidential, the decision and discussion become a public matter. Debates begin. Accusations are made openly. Sides are chosen, and the outspoken individual becomes a victim rather than a channel for creative change. In such a conflict, the life of the 'group is disrupted and its work is jeopardized. The effect on the individual involved can be devastating as well, denying the very promise of Christ that we may have life abundant. That person's life could be ended by suicide or damaged by mental and/or physical breakdown. While the "finality of death" may be a rare experience in such situations, no one can ever measure the cost of a single life ending in such a tragic way. Conflicts like this can have far-reaching effects on family, friends, community, and the church. When we seek to compartmentalize life into a variety of categories as these various exam pies show, we deny the holistic nature of our God-given life. In many instances what some reject as evil and unacceptable may be God-given, and, like the Apostle Paul, we find ourselves kicking out against God. The sacredness of human life, the unity of Christ's Church, the nurturing of the Christian community, and the reconciling love of Christ that are to be revealed in the church are often sacrificed in interactions where sexual orientation is at issue. How can one measure the cost of such a loss? It is time for churches and people of faith to study the biblical and theological foundations of our faith as they reflect on human sexuality. Until we earnestly address this basic aspect of our humanity, we will continue to find individuals, families, congregations, communities, and judicatories increasingly involved in the costly conflicts surrounding homosexuality. We cannot afford the continued uncertainty in and the modification of our denominational positions. We must intensify our efforts for clarity and understanding, and establish a sound foundation for our position as a church. Until that occurs, we will continue to pay a high price in the sacrifice of individuals and the divisiveness within the church. Religious attitudes and church statements have served in many instances to undergird homophobia. Compassion and understanding are crucial as we seek to minister to all of God's people. The church must speak out with clarity and in love if we are to have unity within the body of Christ. ~ Jesse R. DeWitt. retired bishop of the United Methodist Church. served 8 years in both the Wisconsin and Chicago areas. He is presently a volunteer on the staff of the Midwest Center for Labor Research in Chicago. where he continues to work with groups in human rights and economic and social justice issues. Open Hands 18 Invading the Closet When I was a student at Drew U niversitv Theological School in the early 1980s, studying to be a minister in the United Methodist Church (UMC), I became aware that the issues of ordination were not the same for all the students there. For one group of students, there was a special question: "Am I a minister of God first, or am I a gay/lesbian indi vid ual first?" Since then, it has become clear to me that many gay men and lesbians like those students have chosen to be a minister of God first. The call to ordained ministry seems to have a power even greater than the need to openly affirm the self in the church and in society. I have seen how in my conference (the UMC's Northern New Jersey Annual Conference) gay and lesbian clergy, with much care and caution, have developed a support network that allows them, to some degree, to be who they are. There are no formal meetings or events, just an awareness that a certain person can be trusted not to reveal the truth about one's sexual orientation. But an outsider has stepped in. This one threatens to break down the intricately woven network that protected our gay brothers and lesbian sisters. The outsider is AIDS. When I was first appointed to a local church in 1985, I became aware that one of my ministerial colleagues had died of AIDS. This information came to me from the newly appointed minister to his charge. When he first moved in, he couldn't understand why the house was being cleaned, top to bottom, with disinfectant. To his knowledge, this was the first time that anyone had bothered to provide the bathroom with a new toilet seat. Gradually, it came out that his predecessor had died of AIDS. Recently, one of my clergy friends also died of AIDS. Ron Markle was the pastor of a church in a town that was increasingly becoming a colony of gay men and lesbians. He attended AIDS Action Team meetings (our conference's AIDS task force). He hosted an initial meeting for the Reconciling Congregation Program. In each of his four appointments, he, through his preaching and because of who he was, fostered a community of openness and inclusion. He preached and acted out the Gospel. He did not, however, ever make his gayness an issue. This was not so much because it would endanger his ministry. It was more because his gayness and his call to ordained ministry were integrated. For those who could see his gayness, it would be evident. For those who couldn't, it didn't matter. Yet being gay was important for Ron. If the question came up, he would answer honestly. Then he would say "Well, what are we going to do about it1" Invariably, the type of minister he was overrode the fact that he was gay. This is not to say that there was no struggle. When he and Steven became lovers, there were some conflicting feelings about Steven living in the parsonage. He was scared that he might be transferred out of the church or, worse, have his credentials pulled. They made no big issue out of their relationship. Steven moved in. People took to him very we]]. And that was that. By living honestly and with integrity, Ron maintained the respect of his congregation. Those who could see, did. Those who couldn't (or wouldn't) see, didn't. When Ron was too sick to work, there were those who rallied around him. His inner circle of friends knew he had AIDS. They were a compassionate, loving group of people. I went to the hospital to see Ron the day before he died. StE'ven was there and so was another cleq,ry friend. Ron knew that he was ready to die. If he died now, he would die with grace and dignity. If he hung on, he felt that he would lose most. if not all, of who he was as a person and as a minister. He wanted it to be made clear to those at his funeral that he had died of AIDS. But the focus was to be on his personhood and ministry. The next day, Ron died. Steven and Ron's district superintendent were there. He did die with grace and dignity. His funeral was beautiful and moving. Another district superintendent preached the funeral sermon to a church with standing room only. At the time for personal reflections, people stood up and affirmed Ron's gayness, his personhood, and his ministry. Others prayed for the affirmation of gay men and lesbians in ordination. Steven was there as Ron's most significant other in mourning. I think Ron would have been satisfied. We have come a long way between the deaths of these two ministers. Yet many of our cleq.,ry live in fear of being discovered. And many of our lay people live in ibrrlorance. One woman from Ron's church said, "Oh, he couldn't have died of AIDS; only gays die of AIDS." AIDS is having its impact on the church. Hopefully, the time is coming when we can openly affirm and support AIDSstricken people, both clergy and lay, before they die, rather than in memoriam .• Chris Hinnen is pastor of Grace UMC in Kearny, New Jersey. lIe has been involved in AIDS ministry since 1985 and is chair of the AIDS Action Team in the Northern New Jersey Annual Conference of the UMC. Summer 1989 19 "Sustaining The Spirit ~ Prayer of Confession and Hope Eternal God When our eyes are too full of our own visions; When our ears are too full of our own sounds; When our mouths are too full of our own wisdoms; When our hearts are too full of our own concerns; Break through; Liberate us from the narrow worlds which constrict our souls; Liberate us from the fear which blinds us to the newness of your work on the horizon; Liberate us from the preoccupation with the trivial and uneasiness with what is great; Liberate us into the community of God. AND When the hurt in our souls is deep; When we feel weak at the beginning of a mighty task; When we are parched for the water of life and hungry for the bread of heaven; When we are guilty with a guilt that will not leave us in peace; THENOHGOD Heal us. Strengthen us. Feed us. Forgive us. AND Bring us Through birth and rebirth Through giving and forgiving Through loving and loving kindness Through using us and preparing us for use Through judgment and grace Into citizenship in · the community Where all are sinners, yet all are accepted All are judged, yet all find mercy All are limited, yet all are ministers Grateful citizens, Loving children of the community of God. Amen -Joanne Brown Professor of Church History and Ecumenics. St. Andrews College. Saskatoon. Sasketachewan 20 YSustaining The Spirit~ Prayer of Confession and Hope Eternal God When our eyes are too full of our own visions; When our ears are too full of our own sounds; When our mouths are too full of our own wisdoms; When our hearts are too full of our own concerns; Break through; Liberate us from the narrow worlds which constrict our souls; Liberate us from the fear which blinds us to the newness of your work on the horizon; Liberate us from the preoccupation with the trivial and uneasiness with what is great; Liberate us into the community of God. AND When the hurt in our souls is deep; When we feel weak at the beginning of a mighty task; When we are parched for the water of life and hungry for the bread of heaven; When we are guilty with a guilt that will not leave us in peace; THENOHGOD Heal us. Strengthen us. Feed us. Forgive us. AND Bring us Through birth and rebirth Through giving and forgiving Through loving and loving kindness Through using us and preparing us for use Through judgment and grace Into citizenship in · the community Where all are sinners, yet all are accepted All are judged, yet all find mercy All are limited, yet all are ministers Grateful citizens, Loving children of the community of God. Amen -Joanne Brown Professor of Church History and Ecumenics. St. Andrews College. Saskatoon. Sasketachewan 20 Resources LJ Ethics and Honesty Bok, Sissela. Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life. New York: Random House/ Vintage, 1978. A widely acclaimed contemporary examination of what it takes to be honest. Discusses situations (including threats to privacy and questions about sexual preferences) in which lying mayor may not be ethically acceptable. An excellent appendix includes excerpts from writings on honesty and truth by philosophers and theologians such as Thomas Aquinas, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, and Immanuel Kant. Closetedness and Openness in Society Grahn, Judy. Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words, Gay Worlds. Boston: Beacon Press, 1984. Miller, Neil. In Search of Gay America: Women and Men in a Time of Change. New York: Atlantic Monthly Press, 1989. Pharr, Suzanne. Homophobia: A Weapon of Sexism. Inverness, Calif.: Chardon Press, 1988. Stanley, Julia Penelope, and Wolfe, Susan J., eds. The Original Coming Out Stories. Expanded ed. Watertown, Mass.: Persephone Press, 1989. Umans, Meg. Like Coming Home: Coming-Out Letters. Austin, Tex.: Banned Books, 1988. Varying perspectives on what it means to be in or out of the closet. Chapter 2 of Grahn's book, in particular, presents a valuable discussion of manifestations and consequences of the closet (both historically and in contemporary society I. Miller's fascinating report carefully portrays the diversity of gay men and lesbians in the United States today-in urban and rural areas; in minority communities, religious circles, and politics; in the closet and out. In her essay "Women in Exile: The Lesbian Experience," Pharr probes the negative effects of the closet as internalized homophobia. Stanley and Wolfe offer a diverse collection of stories of women describing their personal processes of coming out to themselves and others. Umans' book is a collection of letters home or to friends from lesbians and gay men as they come out. Summer 1989 Closets and the · Church-General • Boyd, Malcolm. Gay Priest: An Innt'r Journey. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1986. • Curb, Rosemary, and Manahan, Nancy. Lesbian Nuns: Breaking Silence. Tallahassee, Fla. Naiad Press, 1985. • Glaser, Chris. Uncoming Calling: A Gay Man's Struggle to Servt-' the Church. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1988. Sherwood, Zalmon O. Kairos: Confessions of a Gay Priest. Boston: Alyson, 1987. • Tinney, James S. "Struggles of a Black Pentecostal." Insight. December 1981. Reprinted in Smith, Michael J., ed. Black Men / White Men. San Francisco: Gay Sunshine Press, 1983. • Yoffe, Emily. "The Double Life of Finis Crutchfield." Texas Monthly. Vol. 15, no. 10 (October 1987). • Zanotti, Barbara, ed. A Faith of One's Own: Explorations by Catholic Lesbians. Trumansburg, N.Y.: Crossing Press, 1986. Several perspectives on aspects of being • in or out of the closet in the church. • Boyd writes from the perspective of a gay • man who lived in the closet as an Epis• copal priest until he came out publicly in • the late 1970s, while Sherwood's book (a • collection of letters to a friend) reveals • the struggle of a closeted gay priest aspir• ing to ordination. Curb and Monahan : present the stories of 51 lesbian nuns who • reveal their joys and pains, including • their struggles toward self-realization, • while Zanotti's book shares the personal • stories of a variety of lesbians raised in • the Roman Catholic Church. Glaser tells : of being denied ordination as a Pres• byterian minister and of struggling to • find alternative avenues for his call to : ministry. Tinney writes of working to • deal honestly and openly with three im• portant aspects of his persona (his : Blackness, gayness, and Pentecostalism). • Yoffe examines the ministry and deeply • closeted life of a United Methodist : bishop who died of AIDS in 1987. Closets of Family and Friends • Borhek, Mary V. My Son Eric. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1979. • Fairchild, Bettv, and Hayward. Nann. Now That You Kn;)w. Nt'\,\, )()rk: Harcourt, 1979. Both these books are dassics. Borlwk • movingly tells of her journt'y as an t'van: gelical Christian mother to understand • and accept her gay son. Fairchild and • Hayward offer stories and advice aimed • at family members struggling with the • reality of a lesbian/gay relatiw. · AIDS and the Closet • Altman. Dennis. AIDS in lh.· Mind of America. Garden Citv, N.Y.: Doubleday / Anchor i>ress, 19S(). • Nungesser, Lm G. Epidemic of Couragt·: Facing-AIDS in Anwrica. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1986. • Shands, Nancy. AIDS: Th(' Lon('ly Voyag-(" San Carlos. Calif.: Wid£> World / Tetra, 1988. Altman explores the social, political, • and psychological impacts of AIDS, in: cluding the fear and stigma that can ac• company the disease. He also talks about • the dual effects of AIDS on the doset• leading some gay men to come out more • publicly, while driving others deeper into • their closets. Nungesser's and Shands's : books are each the result of detailed in• terviews with persons who have AI DS or • AIDS-related complex (or who have been • affected by the disease in some other • way). In Nungesser's book, one respon• dent observes: " ... coming out with • AIDS is similar to coming out of the • closet as a gay person: a lot of question• ing, a lot of trying to find your iden• tity .... It's like crawling-starting out in • diapers and then crawling, then standing • up, then taking your first step, and it's • very similar, I think, to what people go • through coming out." 21 Rep Report Two New Reconciling Congregations The month of May brought two new Reconciling Congregations to our growing network. As you will read in the paragraphs below, Wilshire UMC (Los Angeles) and First UMC (Oneonta, New York) are two distinctive communities which add increased diversity to our movement. They also bring the distinction of being the two Reconciling Congregations with the largest membership. These two new churches bring the total number of Reconciling Congregations to 40. Wilshire UMC (Los Angeles) Wilshire is a large, 1,000-member urban parish comprised of diverse ethnic groups. A primary mission of the congregation is to provide worship and education opportunities in the different languages spoken by its members. Worship and education classes are held in Korean , Spanish, and English languages. The congregation has recently begun a worship service for Tagalog-speaking people (a Filipino language). A history of being an inclusive church helped prepare the congrega- Open Hands Wins Awards We are proud to announce that Open Hands received two prestigious awards from the Associated Church Press at its May convention. The "Living and Loving with AIDS" issue of Open Hands (Summer 1<)88) received an Award of Merit for best "in-depth coverage of a current issue." In the category of "general excellence," Open Hands was one of two magazines to receive honorable mention. In both categories Open Hands was rated alongside other magazines with fewer than 10.000 subscribers. 22 o tion for becoming a Reconciling Congregation. At the same time, its o diverse ethnic and racial composition o generated discussions about attitudes : toward homosexuality in different o cultures. Another important aspect of this o congregation's life has been its in- o volvement in music and the arts. In o addition to its own music/arts pro- o gram, the congregation provides o space for other community groups, o including the Gay Men's Chorus of o Los Angeles. The current congregation is the o product of several mergers. It has o been located on its current site since o the 1930s. o First UMC o (Oneonta, New York) Oneonta is a small city in eastern o New York state which is home to two o colleges. Initially a railroad town, o Oneonta witnessed the development o of several major corporations in its o vicinity. The resulting accumulation o of financial wealth is unusual for o such a small community. First UMC is a congregation of o 750 members which, after a period o of membership loss in the 1960s and o 1970s, is discovering renewed energy o in its life and mission. Much of its o ministry is directed toward those who The Associated Church Press is an association of over 175 religious newspapers and magazines in the United States and Canada. Its annual Award of Merit program is the most coveted award in religious print journalism. We applaud the many persons who have volunteered for the various tasks and roles needed to produce and promote this award-winning magazine over the past four years. Together we share the joy of these awards. o have been estranged from the church and society. The congregation main-o tains an active campus ministry and o a strong educational program for all o ages. The congregation provides fio nancial assistance in the form of o grants to smaller, rural churches. o The congregation also provides pro- o grams for children with handicapping o conditions and other community o groups. The congregation's mission reaches o out beyond its local community. The o congregation supports a Zimbabwean o family whose father is training for o the pastorate. The process of becoming a Recon: ciling Congregation began at First o UMC a year ago with a study within o the Mission Committee. After a o series of worship services on recono ciliation and alienation, the con- o gregation was invited to participate in : a four-week seminar with the Council o on Ministries. This seminar resulted o in a written statement of reconciliao tion which was presented to the Ado ministrative Board. o Keynote Speakers for RCP o Convocation I Joan Martin and Arthur Brandeno burg have agreed to be the keynote o speakers at the national convocation o of Reconciling Congregations. The o convocation will be held February 16-18, 1990, in San Francisco. Joan Martin is co-director of the Church and World Institute at Temple University in Philadelphia. Prior to her work in campus ministry, o Martin was director of the Justice for Women Program at the National Council of Churches and also served Open Hands i~ gs:.~'" ~ii-; ~";;;;E; ~.~:::.~~ Introducing A National Newspaper For Gay & Lesbian Christians..• SECOND STON--m~",;, ,.~~••, ,.'\II.'l_I\OPI~""'.""' " ~~ Ii . ... -. -.~.• . CAl.......... '. UiI ~__-' V:-r\..~. . .. ~II..."'.~-.---•. eoor-s~......,.. _~_ ",._, ... -~:~.. ..........\.. Engaging Features & Columns • News from Gay Christian Groups -~-~~~ ~." ~.... ,,,n'" '''' ... ~ . . V4b0-ChfUChIO'T!\8\( . . SIIJd~'l 0~ tAe\nod\$\ . Newsbriefs / Calendar / Book Revie -~~ '\j jl Retreats, Travel & New Friends Subscribe today to \ The Second Stone. \\ ~. '~t! u,..(le8IIr4 \IH~Oi9nl~"~~D~tr\c\\0f\S •. ,. V4ith Chure" u.... ._ .• ~~~M_-. :::-::r:;::,:,.'..'" ..~" ;t:.~~·~· \ ..~:-~_ ~1~~;~~;; ~~=~;;j 1~~tE~ :~~tA£ · · · · · · · · Y E5 ,· · · · · · · · · N ~~.~.~.....~.~.~ .~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.....~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.:.....~.~.~.~.~ Begin my subscription to Arldres,g ................................................................. . THE SECOND STONE for City, Sta.te & Zip ............................................... . [ ] One year (6 issues) for $12.60 [ ] Two years (12 l"ssues) fior $25.20 Check here if you prefer plain envelope for mailing: I I Please allow 6-8weeks for delivery of your f'rsl Issue Add $8.00 per year for poslage in Canada and ail other foreign countries. U S currency only Mail To: THE SECOND STONE, Box 8340, New Orleans, LA 70182 as the pastor of congregations in Philadelphia and Wilmington, Delaware. A graduate of Princeton Theological Seminary and ordained in the Presbyterian Church (V.S.A.), Martin is currently a Ph.D. candidate in Christian Social Ethics at Temple. V niversity. Highly regarded as a preacher, lecturer, and teacher, Martin has been a guest lecturer at Yale Divinity School and Garrett-Evangelical Theological Seminary and has taught at schools of Christian mission for Vnited Methodist Women. Arthur Brandenburg is currently a district superintendent in the Eastern Pennsylvania Conference of the V nited Methodist Church. Prior to this, Brandenburg was senior pastor of Calvary VMC (a Reconciling Congregation) in Philadelphia for 12 years. With his innovative pastoral leadership, Calvary became a model of urban ministry. After his graduation from Vnion Theological Seminary (New York), Brandenburg served as chaplain at Duke and Yale universities during the tumultuous 1950s and 1960s. In addition to graduate study at the V niversity of Chicago, Brandenburg • has traveled and studied extensively Spirit of the Lakes began as a • in Europe, Asia, and Africa. • small house church in May 1988, Joan Martin and Arthur Branden• comprised of 10-12 persons from All • burg bring a combination of skills in • God's Children MCC in Minnea: biblical/theological analysis and local : polis. Its initial purpose was to create • church ministry to the RCP convoca-• a safe place for worship and spiritual • tion. As the keynote team, they will • growth for lesbians and gay men • lead three plenary sessions on the • with a liberal theological perspective. • convocation theme--':'Renewing the From the time it opened its ser• Vision: Parables of Hospitality, Heal• vices and programs to the general : ing, and Hope." They will guide con-: public the following September, • vocation participants in reflection • Spirit of the Lakes was an inten• and study to ground this reconciling • tionally inclusive community. Over • movement in the biblical witness. • the succeeding months, attendance in To assist you in planning your par• worship grew dramatically to 100-125 • ticipation in the convocation, regis-• persons by the spring of 1989. When : tration information will be available : Spirit of the Lakes began seeking • in September. • denominational affiliation several • months ago, the V CC conference · Gay/Lesbian Congregation : minister took the initiative to invite · Admitted to UCC Denomination: Spirit of the Lakes to join the VCC. • In early June the covenanting service In what is regarded as a historical • between Spirit of the Lakes and the • first, the Eastern Association of the · V CC association brought together • Minnesota Conference of the V nited • 200 persons to celebrate this historic • Church of Christ (VCC) voted on • event. • April 22 to accept the Spirit of the • Lakes Ecumenical Community · Thanks for Your Support • Church as a "developing church." Our April appeal for funds to • This is the first step for a new con• erase a financial deficit for Open • gregation to become a fuJI member • Hands and the Reconciling Con: of that denomination. • gregation Program has produced a 23 Summer 1989 generous response from our friends. By the end of Jnne, 120 persons had contributed over $4,200 to support our ministry. In addition to one-time gifts, several persons pledged regular contributions over the next year. We are most grateful for these signs of support for this ministry. The Reconciling Congregation Program and Open Hands receive no national denominational support and are dependent primarily on contributions from congregations and friends. If you wanted to make a contribution but did not have the resources to do so, remember that your support is 'needed and most welcome at any time. Shalom! Reconciling Congregations Metropolitan·Duane UMC c/o Trudy Grove 201 W. 13th Street New York, NY lOOn Washington Square UMC c/o PJ. Leopold.Trump 135 W. 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC c/o Beth Bentley 6th Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 First UMC c/o Bill Bouton 66 Chestnut Street Oneonta, NY 13820 Calvary UMC c/o Chip Coffman 815 S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 Dumbarton UMC c/o Ann Thompson Cook 3133 Dumbarton Avenue, NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC c/o Chuck Kimble 4th and I Streets, SW Washington, DC 20024 St. John's UMC c/o Barbara Larcom 2705 St. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park·Aldersgate UMC c/o Sally Daniel 575 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC c/o Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Reach for the Light! ~ ...~~..~~~..~~.~~.~~~.~~.~~~~.:~.~~~...~ shinC'& forth the light of hope for all God's people. I want: _ 1 year of The Other Side for $12.50 Save $9.25 plus get the "Giver's Guide" _ 2 years of The Other Side for $25.00 Save $1850 plus get the "Giver's Guide" _ Payment enclosed. _ Bill me later. 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PLUS we'll include, as the first issue on your subscription, our special, extra-value "Giver's Guide," a fact-filled guide to 123 charitable organizations involved in a variety of causes. You'll find detailed opinions and perspectives, including concrete information on those organizations which actually acknowledge that they discriminate against gay and lesbian people. The "Giver's Guide" alone is worth the price of your subscription. Quantities limited! Respond today! The Other Side 300 W. Apsley Street, Philadelphia. Pa. 19144 Central UMC c/o Chuck Larkins 701 W. Central at Scottwood Toledo, OH 43610 Wesley UMC c/o John Human 823 Union Avenue Sheboygan, WI 53081 University UMC c/o Steven Webster 1127 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 Wesley UMC c/o Patchwork Committee 101 E. Grant Street Minneapolis, MN 55403 Walker Community UMC c/o Debra Keefer 3104 16th Avenue Minneapolis, MN 55407 University UMC c/o Dave Schmidt 633 W. locust DeKalb, IL 6O115 Wheadon UMC c/o Albert Lunde 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Euclid UMC c/o Alan Tuckey 405 S. Euclid Avenue Oak Park, IL 60302 Albany Park UMC c/o Reconciling Committee 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago, IL 60625 United Church of Rogers Park c/o Sally Baker/Paul Chapman 1545 W. Morse Avenue Chicago, IL 60626 Irving Park UMC c/o David Foster 3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Kairos UMC c/o Richard Vogel 6015 McGee Kansas City, MO 64113 St. Mark's UMC c/o David Schwarz 1130 N. Rampart Street New Orleans, LA 70116 St. Paul's UMC c/o Jeanne Knepper 1615 Ogden Street Denver, CO 80218 St. Francis in the Foothills UMC c/o Christiane Heyde 4625 E. River Road Tucson, AZ 85718 United University Church c/o Edgar Welty 817 W. 34th Street Los Angeles, CA 90007 Wilshire UMC c/o Bob Ficklin 4350 Wilshire Blvd. Los Angeles, CA 90010 Crescent Heights UMC c/o Walter Schlosser 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue W. Hollywood, CA 90046 The Church in Ocean Park c/o Judy Abdo 235 Hill Street Santa Monica, CA 90405 Wesley UMC c/o Della Campbell 1343 E. Barstow Avenue Fresno, CA 93710 Hamilton UMC c/o Judy Kreige 1525 Waller Street San Francisco, CA 94109 Bethany UMC c/o Rick Grube 1268 Sanchez Street San Francisco, CA 94114 Trinity UMC c/o Arron Auger. 152 Church Street San Francisco. CA 94114 Calvary UMC c/o Jerry Brown 1400 Judah Street San Francisco, CA 94122 Trinity UMC c/o Elli Norris 2362 Bancroft Way Berkeley, CA 94704 Albany UMC c/o Jim Scurlock 980 Stannage Albany, CA 94706 Sunnyhills UMC c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 335 Dixon Road Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC c/o Darrell Wilson 101 West Street Vacaville, CA 95688 Wallingford UMC c/o Margarita Will 2115 N . 42nd Street Seattle, WA 98103 Capitol Hill UMC c/o Mary Dougherty 128 Sixteenth Street Seattle, WA 98112 Reconciling Conferences California·Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy Wyoming Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 5 No 1 - In, Out, or In Between: The Closet Dilemma https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/2b26112b39f1397996f098b1767f78ff.pdf 32b123c7c36cd868d510f0bbee384847 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 5 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1989 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine • ? lrl· IS to yours . . .. J It is, give me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Reconciling Mini3tries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 5 No.2 Fall 1989 I IMAGES OF FAMILY Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congrega tion. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washinblion, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Vol. 5 No.2 Fall 1989 The Bible, the Church, and the Family . . .. . ............... . . . .... 4 William A. Beardslee and John B. Cobb, Jr. Making Connections: Intentional Family . ...... . ... . . .. . .. .... . . . . 6 Cindy Darcy Finding My Way ........... .. . . ............................ . .. .. 8 Anonymous It's OK to Go to Bed with Pizza on Your Face ..... . . .. .. . ... . .... 10 Millie Jesson and Susan Pavlik A Father's Testimony .. . . . . ..... . ........... ... ...... .Il Oliver Powell With Love Always, Richard ...... ... .. . . .. ..... .. . . .. . . ... . .. . .. 12 Richard Swanson A Wedding Journal ........... . .. ..... .. ........... . .. .. ....., . . 14 Marshall Brewer and John Calvi Same-Sex Marriage: It's Nothing New . ..... . . . ... . ....... . . .. .. . . 16 Dick Burdon After the Shock ......... .. ... ..... .. . . ..... ..... ..... ......... .17 Jane E. Vennard Strength for the Journey . .... ......... .. . . ....... . . . . . .......... 19 E. Marie Wright-Self Sustaining the Spirit ..... . . ... . .. ..... .. . . ......... . .. . . . ...... 18 Part of the Family Jim Manley Resources . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ........ 20 Letters .. . .. . . ...... ... .. ...... .. . .. .. . .. . ...... . .... . .. . ...... 21 R CP Report . .. . ..... . ...... . ....... . ...... . ... . ...............22 It's OK to Go to Bed with Pizza Same-Sex Marriage: on Your Face ..... . ........... 10 Ifs Nothing New ........ .. . . . 16 2 Open Hands Images of Family Family-what a great feeling to be part of a community that supports, accepts, confronts, judges, and helps give guidance to our lives. One New Testament story presents insight into Jesus' understanding of family. In the scripture, Jesus' disciples come to him, saying, "Jesus, your mother and sisters and brothers are outside." Jesus responds with a penetrating question---':'Who is my mother and brother and family? '':''''-then he provides the answer: "It is those who do the will of God." Through his response, Jesus explodes the simple mother/father, sister/brother image of family. Lyle loder, a long-time leader of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns until his death in 1987, often used the phrase "This is family!" He was saying that the people who really cared and were willing to be present with each other through all life's ups and downs were "family." In this issue of Open Hands, we examine areas in our society and our church in which gay men and lesbians, and the loved ones in their lives, find and experience (or are denied) family. Two inescapable conclusions come through the personal stories told here. One is simply that the "nuclear" image is no longer adequate to define what a family is (if, indeed, that image ever was adequate). This is demonstrated by the vast diversity of connections and living arrangements that people say form the basis of family in their lives. Second, and perhaps most important: all of us-whether gay/lesbian or nongay; coupled or single; young, old, or somewhere in between-need a close sense of family, however we define it, as we face the challenges and struggles of our lives. * * * * * As we promised a few issues back, in this issue we begin printing "letters to the editor." We are constantly striving to expand Open Hands as a forum for you (our readers) to participate with us in producing this magazine. We encourage you to write us, either in reaction to something we print or in expression of some other concern affecting lesbians and gay men in the church. We may not have room for every letter, and we may have to edit some of your letters to fit space available, but we do want to hear from you. Please write us at the address to the right. Next Issue's Theme: The Ecumenical Lesbian/Gay Movement ReconCiling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Bert All lois Seifert Graphic Design Supon Design Group, Inc. Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Rep~ints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1989 by Affirmation: United Methodists for lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Fall 1989 3 The Bible, the Church, and the Family What is a family? Perhaps the deepest meaning of the family is that it is a group of people among whom each has an unconditional place. o You belong there, and the members of the family accept o responsibility for you. Of course, this only works well if o the responsibility is mutual. To recognize someone as a o member of your family is to take responsibility for that o person "for better, for worse." Of course, the term unconditiona.l is a bit of an exago geration. Sometimes obedience to a parent (most como monly the father) is in fact a condition of being in a • family, and children who refuse that obedience are o disowned. Still, family remains a strong term. A great o deal of mutual resentment, animosity, and failure in o fulfilling responsibilities can be contained within a family : without ending the mutual commitments and shared be- o longing that give it its distinctive character. We might say o that, whereas in most groups membership is a privilege to o be merited, in a family it is a right that is forfeited only in extreme circumstances. The scope and membership of families have varied : greatly among cultures. In our culture the primary image o of the family has been mother, father, an.d children (though, in truth, this image is reality for only a minority o of American households). The parents of the mother and o father, and the children of the children, are also included to a considerable degree in most images of the family. Frequently, if parents cannot care for their children, the o grandparents take over, and, less certainly, if children cannot care for their parents, grandchildren assume direct responsibility. A lesser degree of responsibility is felt for siblings, aunts, and uncles. The norm remains, however, that beyond the nuclear unit each person or group should be financially independent of the others and should so arrange matters as never to become a "burden." In recent years, only within the nuclear family living under one roof has there been the fullness of mutual responsibility and guarantee of belonging that makes for family in the deepest sense. This matter of living together was important for the family in biblical times as well. The Hebrew Scriptures and the New Testament commonly speak of the family as the "house" or "household," most often as the house or household of the father of the family. These terms point to the family as a functioning or working group. The Hebrew Scriptures tell of the passage of Hebrew society through several different types of family life. At the time of the patriarchs-Abraham, Isaac, and Jacobthe life of wandering shepherds was favorable to a pattern of small family groups closely linked by kinship, but often enlarged by associated workers or slaves. As the society moved to agricultural life, family groups became important in the division of the land (Joshua 17:1-6). The emphasis on the connections among Hebrew families through descent from a common ancestor served to link family groups and to mark the Hebrews off from others. Despite the teaching that one ought to marry within the group o (especially strong after the return from exile [Ezra 10:1-44]), there was extensive intermarrying between Hebrews and other neighboring peoples, and the book of Ruth recognizes that good could come from this. The family group centered on the father, but the mother also was a person of power and influence (Sarah in Genesis 21:10), though this influence sometimes had to be exercised surreptitiously (Rebekah in Genesis 27:11-17). In addition, the mother was a person to whom respect was due (Exodus 20:12; Proverbs 1:8). The nuclear family of spouses and children blended into the extended family of more distant kin and others living in the household, often including concubines and their children. Later, even more than in patriarchal times, these associated persons-servants, slaves, immigrants-were fully included within the life of work and community of the family. The family was a basic focus of religious life and religious formation (Deuteronomy 4:9-10). It was also the place of most forms of education through most of the biblical period; the distinction we make today between religious education and other education would have seemed inconceivable to early biblical families. Eventually, the synagogue took over some of the teaching functions, but the family remained a primary center for them. Moreover, loyalty to family life was felt by many Jews to be a mark that set them off from many non-Jews. The early Church inherited from Judaism the strong emphasis on loyalty to the family. Early Christianity was one of the places in the world of its time where women found more recognition, power, and freedom (Paul accepted this though with some reservation); the presence of women entrepreneurs in the Church was simply a mark of the times (e.g., 4-'dia, a seller of "purple" [i.e., cloth], Acts 16:14). Paul's discussion of marriage (I Corinthians 7) makes a strong effort to affirm equality of the sexes in marriage, though he does not quite fully carry this out. The family was also one of the principal foci for the expansion of the faith (Acts 10, where the family of Cornelius is included with him in baptism). Families were linked together by their ties to the Church, both the local community and the wider Church. Hence, the stress on hospitality (I Peter 4:9). However, early Christianity also knew of families that were divided in faith (I Corinthians 7:12-16). In another generation or two, most Christians had returned to the more patriarchal patterns of the surrounding culture. The power of family ties is presupposed by Jesus' contrast between these ties and the call that he was issuing: "Who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me" (Matthew 10:37); "They left the boat and their father, and followed him" (Matthew 4:22). The power of family love also is reflected in the many references in the Bible to God as parent (usually, but not always, as father) and in the image of the Church as "the family of God" (I Peter 4:17). Open Hands 4 Clearly, no existing form of family is sanctioned once and for all by the Bible. Indeed, while Jesus and Paul took the households of their day for granted, the focus of their message was to deny any final status to those institutions. The coming of the Realm of God replaced the family as the primary source of meaning and belonging. It would be absurd to derive from the New Testament any argument for the Christian necessity either of the family as it was constituted then, or of some other form of the family-unless one were to refer to the Church as the family of God. So how should Christians think of family today? One possibility is to deny the need for families as they have traditionally been defined. People who wanted to live as such families could still do so, but their decision would be recognized as just one choice among others. To avoid loneliness or for economic reasons, people might enter into conditional contracts with one another rather than binding commitments. They could agree to accept certain mutual responsibilities conditional on both persons meeting certain expectations of the other. Many hwnan relationships these days, including many that are called marriages, are of this sort. To further develop in this way is to accent individual freedom. Theological ideas stemming from Jesus and Paul give some support to that direction. Nevertheless, such an approach is quite one-sided. For Jesus and Paul, breaking off the primacy of familial ties was related to the expectation of the imminent coming of the Realm of God. For Paul, it was also connected with the emergence of the Church as the primary community of belonging and mutual responsibility. If the Church, or enough churches, become that community again, the need for other families would certainly be reduced. Meanwhile, the Church has been wise through the centuries in promoting the family as important for most people and for a healthy society. Usually these families have been extended ones that have given some place to people of all ages and conditions. Perhaps some day these larger families will reappear. On the whole, they seemed to provide healthier environments than the nuclear family does today. The pattern of relationships within the larger families allowed for greater richness and did not put so great a stress on very limited relations. The extended family also allowed for greater diversity among its members. In recent times, however, the economic order has broken up extended families and exerted pressure even against nuclear ones. In that context, the Church acts wisely whenever it supports whatever forms of family can be maintained. Unfortunately, the Church's legalistic attitudes toward sex too often have inhibited its support for the mutual commitments that are the essence of family. This has certainly been the case, for example, with samesex images of family. Instead of celebrating commitments between same-sex couples, the Church has generally rejected them. It has, in effect, affirmed that homosexually Fall 1989 oriented persons should be condemned to loneliness and isolation, since it has seen no place for them in the nuclear family. That, in spite of this rejection, such persons have constituted true communities of belonging and mutual responsibility shows a capacity for commitment often not matched by heterosexual couples. It is the fullness of belonging and the depth of mutual commitment that constitute family. Through most of history, families have been large, spanning several generations and including less closely related persons. These large families, however, have been patriarchal. In the future, if social and economic conditions allow for the renewal of larger groupings, these groupings might be freed from patriarchal dominance and make space for same-sex, as well as heterosexual, pairings in the midst of other relationships. Unfortunately, for now, that probably is not practicable. The family has become much smaller, often simply a couple. Still, when two people commit themselves to one another-whether two women, two men, or a woman and a man-the conditions for being a family are met. It is past time for the Church to recognize that all these pairings are true families. ... William A. Beardslee is emeritus professor of bible and religion at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia. He now lives in Claremont, California. John B. Cobb, Jr., ~ Ingraham professor of theology at the School of Theology at Claremont in Claremont, California. 5 . Making Connections: Intentional Family by Cindy Darcy Episcopal feminist theologian Carter Heyward has said: "Don't be duped by folks who talk about 'God' all the time. It's more critical to make the connections among ourselves. And a hell of a lot more honest." Carter Heyward sums up for me what it's all about: making connections among ourselves. For me, it is in and through these connections that I find God among and with us. Well-made connections, when nurtured by some of the ingredients I offer from my own experiences, can provide us with intentional family. What I mean by "intentional" or "chosen" family is that commtmity of loved ones we choose to call into our lives, and into whose lives we choose to walk, with what comes to be a deliberate and named purpose of connecting and deepening. To these chosen ones, we bring our staying power. Intentional family differs in my mind from "biological," "blood," or "natural" family that we did not choose. Both, hopefully, are gifts: the one, of grace, purely; the other, we have a hand in bringing about. With intentional family, as I think of it, there is that element of choice. Either family we may choose to leave; intentional family we ourselves help call into being. With my birth, my parents began a family, which was to include two siblings. When I was 12, my father died, and from then on, no one could assume that I came from a "typical" "nuclear" family with two parents. I constantly bumped up against the awful question, asked by parents of friends I went home to play with: "So, what does your father do?" I learned how it feels to have people assume families are structured a set way, like theirs, to feel the assumption that we all "do family" the same way. That situation for my growing up years provided me with a unique understanding of what "family" meant, since my family was "different." So I have felt relatively at home in an age when traditional family structures have been changing and society is grasping for new terms and names for what to call how we live our lives. My own venture into intentional family began shortly after graduation from college, when I decided to undertake a denominational voluntary service assignment. For three years, I lived with between two and four other service workers in intentional commtmity. It was the intention of our community that we would share the chores of the house, fellowship together, do recreation together, share a witness in the neighborhood, encourage each other in our social justice work assignments. And you might think that people immediately or recently out of college, coming to Washington, D.C., to work with and on behalf of the oppressed and the poor, would have a lot in common. You might even think that the basics of living in community would be obvious and easy to agree on for those who chose to enter that lifestyle for a period of time, knowing what they were walking into. Yet even to this work and lifestyle, we brought a vast array of ideas about spirituality, relationships, values, community, etc. We were deliberate, alright; we ate meals together, had book discussions, played together. But we weren't really community, in my mind. At the very core, while we had chosen to be doing similar kinds of service, and living in the city necessitated pooling our resources financially, we didn't choose each other. We were deliberate because we made ourselves be. We didn't really like each other, and we certainly weren't a "natural fit." Even with all the right ingredients there, you can't make commtmity or family happen; sometimes it just doesn't take. So, in the face of my disappointments about building an " intentional family" in my community of choice, I turned elsewhere. I knew others who also sought something deeper: several in my voluntary service program, a couple of friends from church, and a friend in the wider peace-and-justice-folks circle. We shared similar underlying commitments and values; a sense of comfort and playfulness in each other's company; mutual needs for fellowship and processing of our experiences, whether living in the city, confronting unjust social structures, or living in a group house. We took our spiritual journeys seriously, as we sought out the Light of others on that path, and all had in common a willingness to do the work to build and maintain relationships that would help us grow, that would nurture and challenge us. With those ingredients and a marvelous gift of grace to recognize their presence among us, this group of seven formed what we came to call, for lack of any other name, "Small Group." While the majority of us participated regularly in a church and had an important faith family or community there, we all were keenly aware that the "struggle, struggle, push, pull" of life in the city, working on behalf of those without power, took its toll on us, and we needed more spiritual nurture than just on Sunday morning. A few of us were in the process of leaving the established church over feminist and other issues and were struggling to find spiritual expression that felt right. As different as our spiritual journeys may have been from each other, faith was a deeply important ingredient in this intentional family. All seven of us also had other community-colleagues at work, especially, but other friends as well-with whom we shared our lives. But each of us hungered for others who could share a commitment to and a consistency with us that would give us the safety to risk being known, before whom we could openly and honestly live our lives, and with whom we could let down our guard. We wanted to set about creating "safe space." For the next two years, Small Group met faithfully on Sunday nights. We did "talk about 'God' " sometimes, but even more, we made connections. Sometimes the evening was structured as we discussed a book we chose to read together or as we batted around ideas on a particular topic. We took turns doing our historical/chronological biographies, as well as sharing about our spiritual journeys. Sometimes a need in the group arose, and we focused on that. Other times we shared a meal and played together, or attended an event that one of us was in. We Open Hands 6 always ended our evening in a prayer circle and closed that time of worship with a group backrub. Small Group helped process two relationships which were to become marriages of four of us in the group. The first couple to marry asked the rest of Small Group to be the family present at parts in their actual wedding ceremony. The remaining three of us came out as lesbians to that chosen family-giving several a very difficult topic to wrestle with-and tw'O of us were helped through the pain of breaking up. Several of us received healing from family struggles in our past. Some of us shared our coming into joy as aunts when our siblings had little ones. Several of us made career changes under the care and support of the group. We spent holidays together, when we chose not to go "home" to our biological families. A couple of us learned to be more open and articulate about ow' needs, and a couple of us learned not to push others in their sharing. We met in pairs, as well as a group of seven, striving to deepen our relationships not only as a group, but as pairs and smaller groups within the whole, and respecting the uniqueness of each one's relationships. One of us eventually moved away, to another city, and the rest of us saw her through the move and learned to create family-by-extension, being faithful in our commitment over the miles. We made each other dinner; jump-started each other's cars; visited each other after surgery; fetched each other from the airport after work trips; brought silly presents when someone was sick; sang carols at Christmastime; gave input on speeches, articles, and grant applications; met each other's families; dropped by for iced tea on the "vay home from work; followed each other through a hairy week with check-in phone calls; celebrated birthdays and new jobs; and helped each other find and move into new homes. Small Group was intentional family. We worked at our connections; we took our relationships with each other seriously; we were real with each other-honest, open, vulnerable, caring, playful. For most of us, our families were miles, sometimes literally a continent away from Washington; in some cases, a relationship with a family member was strained or in transition. Because we were all seeking to serve God and God's people through the work we set our hands and hearts to, we had a need for a place to come home to, for a few to be really present to us, those with whom we could share our experiences and receive encouragement and perspective, where we could be listened to and accepted. In the case of the three of us in the group who are lesbian, there was an especially strong need to build this "intentional family." We were not sure our natural families would still accept us when they learned The News. In addition to the real or imagined reaction we feared of family, friends, colleagues, society to us, we were also struggling with learning how gay men and lesbians "do relationships." Our unique experience with this chosen family provided some of the freedom to create other or new definitions for relationships. The two men in the group both came from conservative families with prescribed male-female conduct. They were given an environment where they could struggle to create a relationship with their partners that expressed who both people were, not merely be a rerun of the traditional "mold" they were taught. In addition, we created a place where they could enjoy intimate, affectionate relationships with other women who were essentially "sisters." With Small Group, there was risk, play, prayer, listening, sharing, being present, struggling together. We were intentional family not by chance but because we made it happen. "Intentional" derives from the word "intensity," which has to do with quality or degree of energy, and relates to "intent" or purpose, aim, what we set our will to. Clearly, we brought each other our energy and were purposeful about creating and building that support community. We also had the sense to recognize and name "family" when we saw it, in the way I think Jesus meant when He said something like "Whoever shall do the will of the Holy One, who is in heaven, that one is my brother and sister and mother" (Matthew 12:50), After two years, as one of us felt she needed to spend more time elsewhere, Small Group had a harder and harder time pulling together. Our schedules had changed, and it was difficult to find a night when everyone could meet. The two couples were now married and seeking out other married couples. The three lesbians in the group were seeking out other lesbians and gay men, especially as the nongays struggled to varying degrees with who we were. We had become a sort of two families within the bigger family, and that was OK for a while. But then Small Group was, in effect, laid down as intentional family and disbanded in the sense of meeting regularly and with such deliberateness. We still kept in touch, but to varying, less intentional degrees. Now it has been almost two years since we disbanded Small Group. Yet we still find our way together: we celebrated one of us going off to graduate school, we shared Thanksgiving together, and we were all present at the holy union of one of us to her partner. We called each other into our lives and lived very deliberately and very intentionally. Those bonds formed have changed somewhat, but they will never be completely forgotten or broken. Those connections made, as Carter Heyward would say, will always be critical. T Cindy Darcy has been on the staff of a Quaker public policy organization in Washington, D. c., working as a lobbyist on legislative issues affecting American Indians and Alaska Natives since 1982. Her intentional family now lives in Virginia, Minnesota, and Oregon, as well as Washington, D. C. Fall 1989 7 . Findlng Many gay men and lesbians are separated from biological families by miles and/or circumstances. As a result, they strive to "create" a supportive community or "family" out of their network of friends. This author shares his ~tory of ~vercoming the obstacles of simultaneously being m a forelgn country and culture, coming out as a gay man, and developing a "family." · I t ~as Se.ptem~er 15, ~986, when I arrived at O'Hare AIrport m ChIcago wIth my two suitcases full of belongings accumulated during my student years in ~ngland. I knew that moment that a new phase of my hfe had begun. I was flooded with mixed feelings of anxiety and excitement. I had adapted to the British way of life from my Indian background. Now America seemed like a totally different world to me. I arrived alone. I had come to study and to live. I settled in and began my new life in the United States. New ~riends from all over the world surrounded me. My attentIOn was focused on my career objectives and : academic performance. However, I still felt as I had right through my years in England and my adolescence in India. There was a vacuum within me, a feeling of not being fulfilled and of being very alone. I knew I was different all along. I had suffered a lot in the past because I had tried to express myself, yet I knew • that I couldn't change. I knew I was gay from the day I learned what the word meant. However, due to a completely disapproving environment in India, where homosexuality is not even considered an issue to be discuss~d, I had come to look upon my sexuality as being somethmg abnormal and unnatural as a naive teenager. I tried to express these feelings to some friends and my parents in my early teens, but I was faced with severe disapproval and chose to hide my feelings. I was still at this stage when I arrived in Chicago. I tried to bury myself in my work and academic pursuits. This was not possible for long because the more I tried to suppress my feelings, the stronger they became. I found myself desperately in love with a gorgeous Belgian business student. His charm, grace, perfect facial features, bright eyes, and smile captivated me. I felt I could never express my feelings to him except indirectly. I was perfectly aware that I could never have him, yet there was still a flicker of hope which kept me going. I got to a point where I couldn't bear this anymore. I had been through such longings before and did not want to go through them again. Intense feelings of hurt and pain and the yearning for some love and affection were deep inside me. I wanted a relationship where I could give someone all I was without wanting to ask for or even to expect anything in return. I knew there must be an easier way but couldn't get myself to search for it. It happened one evening; I finally decided to go to one of the meetings of the gay group on campus. · It was a dark Tuesday evening in spring, when I • walked alone, nervous and with feelings of guilt and fear to the Quaker House on campus where the group met. I • did not have the courage to go inside. I looked in from · 8 the dark street and saw six male students talking. This was the Coming Out Group, but I wondered if I was in the wrong place. I knew the meeting was to be followed by a social hour, so I waited outside till the meeting was over and they went into another room. The men in this room informed me the social hour had been canceled. I began talking to a man named Bobby, who walked me home and took my number. He called me, and we met again the next day. I was surprised and very confused when he asked if he could kiss me. I was very hesitant and did not know how to react. I felt extremely nervous but decided to put these feelings aside and see how it felt. This was my first real gay experience, apart from boyish encounters during my early teens. I felt wonderful. Many years had passed since I had been this intimate with anyone. For a few hours, I remained in a kind of trance-it suddenly felt as though life was great and the world around me was beautiful. This did not last for long, however, as I soon found out in a rather unpleasant manner t~~t Bobby had a lover and was just "curious about me. I felt devastated for a few days and couldn't talk to anyone about it. Finally I decided, on Bobby's advice, to see a counselor at the Student Mental Health Clinic. The name itself scared me. I was assigned to Dr. Brown, whom I saw for four months. He was a gentle and understanding man and explained to me that I was going through something very natural. He encouraged me to meet other gay people and make friends. He told me that I had to start living my life and enjoying it and that I couldn't continue to live against my nature. This made sense, and I chose to take the big step. There were a lot Open Hands MyUby • • of obstacles on the way. I felt the guilt: "What would my parents think?" "Am I doing the right thing?" and "Is this why I came to America?" These questions haunted me all the time. I was lonely, miserable, and disappointed. I went to the weekly meetings on campus, which were boring and not well attended. Sometimes I didn't speak to anyone. Other times I had to learn to cope with unwanted attention. I reported my progress or lack of it to Dr. Brown every week and was encouraged to persevere and keep going back to the meetings. It seemed bleak and hopeless, but Dr. Brown told me that I had to sift through the forest and find what I liked, discarding the rest. Slowly I began to see some results. I began to talk to more people. Life became more fun and I began to feel more relaxed. I met a student from ilorida whose situation was much like mine. He was new to all of this and had the same apprehensions and worries as I did. We shared a lot of our experiences and decided to help each other. By the time summer arrived, we even ventured to go to the nightclubs dancing. I felt as though I was reentering my teenage years. Everything was new and exciting. It was my turn to be young and enjoy it. I had one of the most enjoyable summers of my life. In August 1987 I arrived in Ins Angeles to continue my studies. A friend of mine in Chicago arranged for me to meet a friend of his who is a United Methodist minister in the Ins Angeles area. Once again I arrived in a new city anxious but excited to see what the future held for me. I was given a most wonderful introduction to Ins Angeles and to the gay spots there. It was so reassuring to have a father-like figure who was so warm and affec- Fall 1989 tionate, I couldn't believe that I had just met him a few hours ago. For the first time I had the feeling that I was becoming an independent person. I was meeting people on my own, not through my parents or relatives. I could share my entire personality with them and felt comfortable, accepted, and liked. Moreover, I was doing exactly what I wanted to without any hesitation and without worrying about what people would say or think. I certainly felt liberated. It felt great to have a guardian like my new friend, who is such a giving person. He gave me a feeling of support and security. I knew he was someone I could rely on-he became a member of my family and I his. I settled into UCLA, moving into an apartment near the university. The manager was a very affable and warm person. On the second day of our meeting, he took me to lunch and told me he was gay. I cannot explain in words the amazement and relief I felt when I heard this. Of course, I immediately, though hesitatingly, told him about myself. We developed a beautiful friendship. Not a day passed without us meeting at least once. I now had a grandfather in Ins Angeles who enjoyed spoiling me and was a wonderful companion to me. I wanted to make friends within my own age group, too. This took a long time, and I was lonely. I met another Indian who is bisexual. We shared our experiences and thoughts, and it was very reassuring to meet someone from my own country who could relate to my sexuality. More than anything else we had a lot of fun going out dancing, bar hopping, and to parties. This initial period was a difficult time for me. In the meantime I was also introduced to an Indian gay group in Ins Angeles. I went to some of their meetings. I became friendly with one man who realized that I needed help and support and that I hadn't found my feet yet in the gay "forest." We became very good friends and kept in touch on a daily basis. He helped me deal with a lot of emotional difficulties and became like a brother. Through him I made another friend who has also become a brother to me. We have spent some wonderful times together and share almost all our feelings and emotions. We are planning to become roommates soon. I have also made a lot of other friends-my family keeps growing. My mother recently visited me and met my new friends and felt perfectly comfortable with them. I came out to her and received a very positive and understanding response. I still have to find a real "love," but Dr. Brown was right-it is only after sifting through the forest and keeping what you like and discarding the rest that you can find yourself a nice field in which you feel comfortable and happy. I am aware a new family in the United States is now a significant part of my life. T The author is Indian. He has been educated in India, has completed his secondary schooling and college in the United Kingdom, and is now completing graduate school in Los Angeles. Due to immigration restrictions, he chooses to remain anonymous. 9 I It's OK to Go to Bed with Pizza on Your Face by Millie Jesson and Susan Pavlik t was a1l Susan's idea. When we first got together, she talked a lot about children. She had always wanted children. Millie, on the other hand, responded with "Do we really have to talk about that now?" In her mind, "straight" women have kids; lesbians don't. As a committed lesbian couple, we children is rekindled through having our own child-it's seeing the world through new eyes. We didn't used to think about jumping over cracks in the sidewalk because it was fun to jump over cracks in the sidewalk. Through Eric, we've discovered the joy older people seemed to be able to han-• dIe other lesbian/gay couples who didn't have children living with them. I t was easier to pretend those couples were just best friends or sharing an apartment. It was harder for them to do that with us. There we were each week-the three of us. In the last year : and a half, they've come a long way were forging a life together, making a and now see us as a family. Our home, and being family for one church community supports and another. Family for us means people accepts us. that you can be yourself with, that We also experience some discrimina-• love you, that care for you, that nurfrom the lesbian/gay community. ture and support you. It's people who Because Susan is a mother who wants • are going to be there for you when the to stay home with her child and Millie : going gets tough and people who is employed outside the home, we are expect you to be there for them. Famseen as playing "straight roles" of ily to us means loving unconditionally, mother and father. We are "blemishno matter what. ing" the look of the gay/lesbian comAs we knit together our family, we talked about having children. We decided that it might happen in the future, when we were financially secure. Artificial insemination was a possibility, but it seemed very involved. The idea of children was on hold. THEN AWNG CAME ERIC When Millie began training in an AIDS chaplaincy program, she discovered a dire need for foster parents. After learning more, we agreed to give it a try. When Eric came into our lives, we were suddenly parents. Little did we know or suspect what changes were in store for us. One major change was in the quality of our relationship with each other. Until Eric joined us (and for a while a second child, Chuck, as well), we were in that deep, madly-in-Iove-with-eachother phase. Children as part of our family forced us to improve communication. It was essential that we talk about what was really going on, plan for the future, and make decisions together. Our relationship has grown deeper, stronger, and richer because of this. We're comfortable in our love for each other. We've never been happier. By far the most significant change in our lives, since Eric, is our shift in values and priorities. Making money, having the right car, and having the right friends used to be important to us. We look at life much differently now. The innocence that we ·had as in a bug or a flower, the simple pleasures of playing with dry rice in a pan, and the surprise of tasting each baking ingredient as it is added to the mixing bowl. We don't worry that he's got pizza all over his face when we put him to bed anymore. Vacuuming and dusting aren't important things in life-spending time with Eric is important. Loving, caring, and hugging are important. Our values are no longer as self-centered as they once were. Our quality of life has changed. It's incredible how kids can help you enjoy being alive, can make you grow more human if you let them. CHALLENGES WE FACE One of the biggest challenges we face is being accepted as a family. The misconception is that a child must have a mother and a father to be a "normal" family. Sometimes people ask about Eric's father, and we reply, "He has two mothers." The response can be a look of disgust, disbelief, or total noncomprehension. It took a long while for the staff at the hospital where we go to understand that Eric has two mothers. He doesn't have a father. His two mothers are equal in their responsibility, care, and love for him. They now realize that we are both to be respected as Eric's parents. Some people at our church also had a difficult time seeing us as a family. Our congregation is mostly made up of young lesbians and gay men and older non-gay/lesbian people. The munity. In addition, we're at odds with the ultra-feminist views where les-: bians are expected to be professionals, then come home and work on the car. It's somehow second class to want to stay home and be a mom. Our way of • doing things works for us and for Eric, and that's what counts. OUR HOPES AND DREAMS Our hopes and dreams for the future are really not that different from any other family's. We have now joint-• ly adopted Eric, so we are both his legal parents. We want a healthy, hap-: py, secure future for our child. We plan to enjoy each day to its fullest. We also hope, through parenting Eric, to be able to change the world a • little. In many families children don't count. They are neglected and not treated with dignity and respect. We want Eric to grow up knowing he is loved, he is important, and his opinions matter. We are committed to being family the best way we know how so he has a head start at feeling like the valuable, special, and unique child : of God that he is .... Millie Jesson, Susan Pavlik, and Eric • are a truly interracial family: one black, one Hispanic, and one white. Millie is a computer technical analyst. • Susan is a mother. And Eric is wonderful! They live in Hayward, California, and are a part of Lakeshore Avenue Baptist Church. Open Hands: 10 AFATHERS TESTIMONY by Oliver Powell W hen our daughter told us she is a lesbian, we were astonished and realized that we had much to learn about homosexuality. Our immediate response was to assure her of our uninterrupted, continuing love for her as a person. This expression of unconditional love has been the basis for our relationship ever since. Run-of-the-mill misunderstandings and disagreements take place from time to time, as in all families, but something fundamental holds and supports us. For me, the whole business was another experience of grace, an incursion of the Beyond into my life, bringing new insights and understanding. It was grace moving in on me from a new and wholly unexpected source-from an area of human experience with which I was unfamiliar and inexperienced. Surely, God often uses strange and startling means of intervention into our lives! Several aspects of my life were changed through this experience of grace. First, I came to have a sturdier understanding and richer appreciation of the qualities of courage, integrity, and patience of the human spirit at its truest and best. Courage-There it was, raw and beautiful in my daughter's simple and courageous disclosure of the truth about herself in the face of one of the darkest, most insidious prejudices infecting human society: homophobia, the fear, the terror in some instances, of homosexuality itself. She took the risk, endangering her prospects for employment in her chosen profession (ironically, the Christian ministry) because she profoundly believes that unless she and other lesbians and gay men publicly identify themselves and lay claim to the same dignity of personhood which others profess, the whole subject of homosexuality will remain indefinitely in the dark closet of ignorance and mindless suspicion. Integrity-My daughter is a whole person, a full, Godloved, God-endowed human being. no special explanations required. If any are stated, they are a problem not for her, but for those who feel the need to qualify her life. Such an understanding of integrity simply demands that she live her life openly and without fear. Patience-Those who have openly affirmed their homosexuality feel frustration and anger like Joan of Arc crying at the end of George Bernard Shaw's play, "How long, 0 Lord, how long?" Yet they know with brutal • realism how much patience is required if the cause they · embody is to prevail, if hard and stubborn hearts are to • be changed. Surely, of all people they share the open secret of New Testament faith: "We know that trouble produces endurance, endurance brings God's approval, and God's approval creates hope." (Romans 5:3) I have also learned, from my daughter and her friends, that suffering doggedly endured has a cleansing, fortifying power that makes one's priorities clearer and more secure. My second changed understanding is that, through the experiences I've had, I have seen statistics tum into • people. Lesbians and gay men are no longer merely a • percentage of the population. They are warm, talented, • delightful human beings, sharing many of my interests • Fall 1989 "L . I . .. ove lS not ove Which alters when it alteration finds, Or bends with the remover to remove: 0, no! it is an ever-fixed mark, That looks on tempests and is never shaken. " -William Shakespeare and concerns, committed to the same issues and causes. How much richer my life is because of the new friends I have made! Third, I am saddened by the position towards gay men and lesbians taken by many of my fellow members of the Church, pigeon-holing them as sinners in dire need of repentance, or counseling them to seek professional help in order to change their sexual orientation as though that were a practical possibility. How great is the need for programs of education on the subject of homosexuality as one expression of human sexuality. Without it, mindless, unexamined fear will continue to determine attitudes toward lesbians and gay men, children of God, equally precious as the rest of us, in the sight of God! My outrage over my daughter being forced to make her way against the odds of a hostile society has resulted in a commitment to action. My wife Eleonore and I have become active in the local chapter of the National Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG), and we are joining with others in the formation of a new organization within the United Church of Christ, "UCC Parents of Lesbians/Gays." In both of these groups, parents of gay and lesbian children have agreed to make themselves available to provide confidential support for other parents. I believe there is no substitute for personal presence. So, I make myself available for speaking and sharing leadership at church conferences, at "rap sessions," in college classes, in retreat settings. My story is simply my experience being the parent of a lesbian and what I have learned about homosexuality because of this grace-full opportunity in my life. I have appropriated some of my daughter's painfully won wisdom-that endurance brings God's approval, and God's approval creates hope. And, truly, it is by an indomitable hope that we all live! .. This article in similar form first appeared in Waves the newsletter of the United ChUIch of Christ lesbian/gay group. Oliver Powell is a retired United Church of Christ minister living in Pilgrim Place retirement community in Claremont, California. He served churches in Illinois and Massachusetts. He is the author of Household of Power and Carrying My Chalice. 11 The letter is dated October 13, 1981. Richard, the 24-year-old man who wrote it, gambled a lifetime of trust-in the love of his parents, in the community of faith, in the stories of Jesus. Nearly eight years later, he is still assessing his gains and losses, still counting the cost. Dear Mom and Dad: 'b t to begin this letter, I don't know re8:11y hO~re;Sou begin to read it, but simply to. begln. '~~ant to find a comfortabl~ however, I thlnk you h share in reading. I wlsh place where you bot canto hold you and to be that I could ~e there:l;oo, d the comforts of time held, but I thlnk you. nee derstand what I am and distance for awhlle to un about to write ... Richard's father, Willard, was a military man, straight arrow and all that. At age 20, he married Alice and carried her from port to port during a 20-year enlisted career in the U.S. Coast Guard. Two children, Verna and Richard, completed the family. Willard worked hard. He paid his taxes. He supported his wife and kids. Dear Richard: Please don't expect this letter to be as melodramatic as yours. First I would say this thing has been as great a shock as you could have given us, and I have a feeling that will give you some kind of pleasure knowing it. I guess I'm not too surprised. As I remember it, you hardly ever considered our feelings in any of your endeavors... Born in Tampa in 1957, Richard was Willard and Alice's second child. He watched and listened and believed. He went to school and did his homework and said his prayers at night. He saw magic in a fall of snow. ewriter to think As I struggle here before the t~~, I am left at last ainless way to say h e known of an easy, ~ th the truth that I aV h t I have with the plaln tru ~ anything, the truth t a lied sinc~ I!a~:s~:elY, that I haVet~Z~~~:t~~t finally rubnO~o and denied for 24 Yde~his truth: that I, by a , d d embrace , I have face an f providence, am gay. whatever mystery 0 Dear Richard, I want to write to let you know that I read Psalm 27. I can see how you feel that you wanted me to read it. Let me tell you that your Mother nor your Father have forsaken you; neither are they your enemies. They probably have poured out more love for you over the years than on anyone else. Now in return they are asking that you seek aid from a psychiatrist to get rid of a regressive neurosis. It is against all our moral principles and we are only sorry that you put on such an act for us that you fooled us completely. You talk of honesty and I had always taught you to be honest-I did but you weren't. If you had been, we'dhave worked through a psychiatrist when you were younger. .. Richard grew up on the move. Japan, Michigan, Hawaii, Michigan again, New Jersey, and finally, Florida. More than half a dozen schools, new friends every two or three years. Adventure. And two unfailing anchors: home and family, and the United Methodist Church. Moving to college in Tallahassee and later to work in Statesboro, Georgia, only meant longer and less frequent trips home to 1597 Old Colonial Way and St. Paul's United Methodist Church in Melbourne, Florida. I know I think be. A hU~dre .' how difficult thes minds, but if d Ideas n:ust be reeli e Words must Your love for ~oeu can ~lX in Your he~~;hro~gh Your I. wish I could ' I belIeve you'll be abl an Image of gUlshed years' rec?unt for You the 1 e to bear it. thing, the cru In WhlC~ I struggled o~g and. andesires, the a el a!ld bItter Words th agaln~t thIS desperatel I ghOnles of prayer H' e unbIdden and how Y ave wished to b 0':'1 often and This h completely impossibl e .lIke other. men ha as not been an eels that Wish ma~~~~n a Wonderful on!~r ~elf-discovery but it this unse:~e from a fearful Pri:nyou see, like a ster waiting ~~rseemed to stalk' !hl~~e before of Christ see . evour, I have now i I e a monmysterious gi~ It fo~ What it truly is': t~e full light received '" WIsely to be used' s range and ... , gratefully 12 Open Hands ----- Willard and Alice were proud of their children. While others in their family and circle of friends had struggled with difficult teenagers, their kids had always been models of achievement and responsibility. Verna was married to Ed and had a baby on the way. Richard was about to enter seminary to become a Christian minister. For Alice, who alone among her siblings had been denied a college education and who· had quit work to keep house and raise her children, their success seemed especially sweet; they had done what she could not. But when the letter from Richard arrived, it was Willard, not Alice, who responded by telephone: Either quit work., come home, and see a psychiatrist, he said; or (I) withdraw from the ministerial candidacy without explanation, (2) change your name, (3) never call, write, or visit again, and (4) never have any contact with other family members ever again-or be "hunted down and killed like the animal, the scum that you are." Reverend Crossman came by and told us you called him and told him the whole sordid story, once again disregarding our feelings. Your mother and I have the book [Is the Homosexual My Neighbor?] that you have apparently embraced as releasing you from your "prison." Well, I can understand how some people could be taken in by this, but I used to think you were smarter than that. To begin with, the two ladies who wrote it don't have the credentials for doing a thing like that. It's apparent that they set out to write a nice little story to let some seriously regressive neurotic folks accept their neurosis as normal, and thereby feel like they are okay. Not to mention their profit motive. This book is full of flimsy theory, convoluted logic and misinterpreted scripture passages... Richard had last come home for Labor Day. It had not been a good visit. He had played go-between for Willard and Alice in a bitter quarrel. Alice had been in tears, Willard icy and threatening divorce. By Monday morning, Richard was exhausted and ready to return to Georgia. The time had not been right, he thought, to talk about his own problems. That could wait. For now, it was enough that the fabric of family was still intact. He would be coming home again. Forget eu h·veryt Ing you th· k and the "gay World" It . In ~ou know about a World is just the w~rld' SImply IS not true. The ga ys ~~rvehWith equal grac~ ~~rl:e ehve!ywhere a;dy urc es, communities N v~ t err homes, understand that I h . ow think of me and now h ave not chan d' ' m w at I have been all m . ge ,I am preCisely emory: The only differen y hf~, from earliest and accept myself as I real~e '" IS that now I see you. y am. I ask no m ore of came to you 24 years t~e mercy of Your love ago naked, innocent at Slon .of this new birth iSo now again at the o~ca~~~ St~l~ ~ith greater'lov~o~:nt~:~ubl~ving you if n erstand and accept... r e ore, trusting Willard had experienced more of the world than he thought necessary. He had been rakish in the early years of his marriage to Alice, had spent months at a time at sea, and had only gradually settled into the comforts of home and family. At age 35, he joined the church, became a Mason, and never looked back. I don't know if you have thought of the full import of what your decision will mean if you stick to it, but I pray you will give it some very serious thought, as I refuse to relent on my initial pronouncements, and have sadly resigned myself to accept whatever consequences result.... I don't like the way I feel now and don't like to see your mother crying and hurting. We both long to have things the way they were before we received your letter, but it just won't ever be if you choose to continue this way. All of us live under great pressure to try and be normal and fit into society. To me, that is what Christian discipline is.... I believe the requirement for being normal is to do normal, socially accepted things and repress our baser instincts.... If you really want to be right, you simply have to do what is right. If you really wish to be like other men, as you stated, you simply do like other men. That's the way we all have to do it. Like everything else, it's learned, and learning takes effort and practice, and I think most of us are still in the process and struggling hard. ... If we do not hear from you soon, we will assume you have chosen not to try, and will begin to adjust our lives accordingly. I have shared this news with Vema and Ed already and with several other people, incl~ding my pastors. They h~ve be~n ~ithout exceptIo~ understanding, canng, affIrmIng, and supportIve. I have worked through with them many of the questions you will have. I am fortuna~e beyon~ words to have been blessed with the fanuly and fnends ~ have. As you begin to sort through all the emot~on, I want you to know that I am here,. at your servIce to love listen and understand. UntIl we see one anothe'r agai~ and I can give you a big hug (Thanksgiving?), I am with love always, ktdlAAJ-, Nearly eight years have passed since that October, and Thanksgiving has yet to come. Willard and Alice, still married, have joined a Charismatic church. They spend holidays with Verna, Ed, and their four children. The naive believer, now 32, Richard has become skeptical of faith, wary of devotion. He believes good people make good Christians. And he still sees magic in a fall of snow. ~ Richard Swanson is administrator of the Atlanta Gay Center in Atlanta, Georgia. He is a member of Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in that city. He will be moving this fall to take a new job in Milwaukee. Fall 1989 I 13 · Same-Sex Marriage: It's Nothing New · by Dick Burdon For 1,500 years, the institutional Church has officially blessed lesbian and gay relationships. So reports Dr. John Boswell, an assistant professor of o history at Yale University. Boswell is currently preparing a o book (tentatively titled What God Has Joined Together: o Same-Sex Unions in the Christian Tradition) in which he o will detail his discoveries in old Greek liturgical manuals o that reveal a centuries-old Christian tradition of samegender marriage. Boswell offered a preview of his book in a lecture spono sored by Integrity (the lesbian/gay Episcopalian caucus) o during the 1988 General Convention of the Episcopal o Church.* He recounted details of his search for what was o an electrifying discovery of documents setting forth clear o evidence that same-sex weddings are a part of Christian tradition. They were well established by the sixth century o and continued in relatively common use for several ceno turies thereafter. Because of overwhelming antisocial o pressure from outside the Church, the practice of same- o sex marriages eventually fell out of use, but, says Boswell, o the service is still performed in isolated areas. And it has never been removed from the Vatican's volumes of officially sanctioned rituals. In an earlier book, the critically acclaimed Christianity, • Social Tolerance, and Homosexuality, Boswell detailed • how homosexual ubiquity seems to have been assumed • and accepted as far as the Church was concerned until • about 1200 A.D. High-ranking clergy were Gay, as were persons of political and artistic importance, and these people held equal status in Church and society. However, • society was changing, as barbaric influences of 'morally o restrictive' rural agricultural societies from northern and • central Europe moved into conflict and amalgamation • with the more liberal, urban-minded Greek and Roman societies. The result was the loss of urban social perspectives and the collapse of the Roman Empire. As the o Roman state declined, so did the Roman Church. In his lecture, Boswell explained that by the 13th ceno tury, "what the Church joined together in holy union" • (gay men and lesbians), the civil authorities burned at the • stake. "Social intolerance came crashing down." Then, in a kind of decoupage manner, Church tradition, civil law, Greek mythology, "conventional wisdom," and barbaric "moral standards" melded and were codified. The Church • became separated from its Gospel foundations, forgot its • history, stood aloof and undefending of its traditions, and o ignored social concerns in an attempt to preserve political power and social status. The liturgies uncovered by Boswell should force today's Church to acknowledge a long-standing tradition that ap• pears to have been based on eschatological expectations of • the imminent return of Christ. Christians in the early • Church saw love as expressed in relationships as a means • of salvation. They emphasized spiritual preparedness and focus. Heterosexual marriages in the early Church essentially followed Roman civil custom. They emphasized the • importance of procreation and provided for paternal • delineation of property. By contrast, the gay marriage was • not an adaptation of the heterosexual marriage contract but was a Christian creation from its very beginning. It emphasized love and devotion of the couple to God as a means of salvation. Gay marriage was always sacramental and conducted in the Church; heterosexual marriages were not conducted in the Church or pronounced sacramental until 1215 A.D. Boswell's findings make clear a crucial conclusion: As gay men and lesbians increasingly seek public and legal recognition of their relationships, their demands must be considered legitimate on the basis both of Scripture and of Church tradition. But the importance of Boswell's research does not end there. His discoveries provide important insights into the breadth of the spectrum of family relationships throughout Church history. They show that the early Church saw and nurtured gay and lesbian relationships as wholesome and natural-and that the Church based this understanding on its interpretation of Scripture.... *Boswel\'s lecture is available in a videotape entitled 1500 Years of the Church Blessing Lesbian and Gay Relationships: It's Nothing New. The tape can be purchased from Integrity Inc., P.O. Box 19561, Washington, DC 20036, for $29.95. Dick Burdon is a graduate of Wesley Theological Seminary, Washington, D.C. and a clergy member of the Oregon-Idaho Conference of the UMC on honorable location. Prior to leaving the active ministry, he served as a United Methodist missionary to Brazil and Zaire, as well as pastor of various local congregations in his conference. Open Hands 16 AFTER THE SHOCK · by Jane E. Vennard W e had been married seven years when my husband John told me he was in love with Gordon. This announcement turned our world up• side down, for neither of us had an inkling of John's • homosexuality. "How could that be?" people ask. "How • could he NCYf know?" "How could you not have • suspected? " John grew up in a small midwestern town in a family • that did not talk openly about feelings. From an early • age, he knew that he was different, but he could never • name the difference. Handsome, artistic, well liked, John • hid his sense of difference from the world and from • himself. I grew up in a similar situation, and, although I fan• cied myself sophisticated and experienced, I was naive • about relationships and sexuality. When I met John in • the summer of 1963, he was just what I was looking for. · I was 23, teaching school, and ready to get married. Just • out of the Navy, John was establishing himself as a : graphic designer. We fell in love. Our families approved. I • received his family's diamond to mark our engagement. • In December 1965, we married. Our marriage was a partnership, with both of us work• ing and both of us taking responsibility at home. To our • friends and families, we had the "perfect" marriage. But : under the image was a growing tension, particularly in • the area of sexuality. We did not talk about it, for we had • no experience of intimate dialogue. I decided that, since • we were both orgasmic, I should be satisfied and learn to • accept the infrequency of our sexual activity. Into this setting came John's announcement. Gordon : was a friend of his from work; he had told John early in • their friendship that he was gay. In knowing Gordon, • John began to name the difference he had buried so long • before. In the freedom that came with the naming, he fell • in love. John and 1 had no idea what was happening, what to • do, or how to be. Because he loved me, John was sure he • was bisexual. But he was so confused and ashamed that • he asked me to tell no one what we were experiencing. I • willingly agreed, for I was as confused as he was and • believed that somehow I was to blame for his homo• sexuality. Gordon was not prepared for the complications of lov• ing a married man, and he withdrew from John's life. • This left John with the dilemma of discovering if his love • for Gordon was unique or if he was truly homosexual. To • gain understanding, John began going out with other • men. As he gradually came out of his closet, I went more : deeply in. Alone in my half of the closet, I was hurt, angry, · ashamed, and afraid. Cut off from family and friends, • with nowhere to turn and totally ignorant about homosex• uality, I began to feel as if I were going crazy. I began • drinking too much, experimented with drugs, and suffered • severe anxiety attacks in some areas of the city. My physi• cian sent me to a psychiatrist, but she was unable to help • me cope. She seemed convinced that what I was going • through had something to do with my relationship to my • father. • Fall 1989 What is it that shifts a life from the downward plunge? What is the source of strength and courage that allows a broken life to be healed? Looking back, I can only say that it was the Spirit alive and moving that would not let me die. For somehow I found the strength to act on my own behalf. I did three things. First, I told my therapist I would not be back. Deep inside me I knew she was not helping. Second, I broke silence and told my sister all that was happening. Her love and support sustained me. Third, I found a lover who let me know in his own passionate and tender way that there was nothing wrong with me as a woman. I could not have come to this understanding by myself. With my returning strength and John's awareness that he always had been gay, we had to decide what to do. Because we still loved each other, we decided to see if we could stay married. We each had lovers. We went out a lot together. I became welcome among his gay friends. But soon it became clear to me that we no longer had a marriage. We were not a couple except in name. I also knew that I had my own inner work to do and that I could not do it without my own space. John did not want me to leave. I did not want to go. But in May, a year and a half after John told me about Gordon, I left. I am not sorry. Since my departure, John and I have grown-individually and together. Our families have been stretched to include the realities of our lives. My sister and John's brother have not wavered in their support of us. My mother, after the shock and the hurt settled, proclaimed John to always be her son-in-law and has maintain~d an ongoing relationship with him. John's parents were slower to accept and somehow in their pain turned away from me. They requested the return of the engagement diamond and broke all contact with me and my family. I was deeply hurt. John and I kept contact, but also distance, the first years after I left. Over the years the embers of our love, which had never died, slowly rekindled into a deep friendship. We began seeing more of each other, met each other's lovers, became running partners, and stood by together as a mutual friend died of AIDS. It has been 18 years since John's announcement. He now has been with his partner Eric for 9 years. Jim and I were married 2 years ago. On the rare occasions when the four of us are together, we look at each other with amazement. And we laugh. What twists and turns have brought us to this place at this time. As different as we are, and as unexpected as it seems, we must admit that in • our own unique way-we are a family. T Jane E. Vennard is ordained in the United Church of Christ to a special ministry of teaching and spiritual direction. She is chair of the National Task Force on Spouses formed by the Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. She is an active member in the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. 17 : "Sustaining The Spirit ~ Part of the Family For Judy Wagner and Tim Words and music by Chorus Jim Manley Am o J J I rJ. I J J J r I r Come in, come in and sit down; You are a ,. J G j J I ,J. I J. r part of the fam 'Iy. We are lost and G )f Am J J 8J j J I J. P444JJ ~ r rJ we are found, and we are a pal1 of the fam -'Iy. G Am 3. There's I. You know the rea son why you came, 2, Chil-dren and el ders, mid -dlers and teens life to be shared in the bread and the wine; 07 G '. ", .. ...- Yet no rea son can ex plain; So Sin -gles and dou bles and in be tweens, We are the bran ches, Christ is the vine . Am ' r~n:-~~~~~E share In the laugh -ter and cry in the pain for Strong eigh -ty five -ers and street -wise six -teens This is God's tern -pie it's not yours or mine, But G are a part of the fam 'Iy. are a part of the fam 'Iy. we are a part of the Am fam 'Iy. There's r J .j j I J .j j I tJ; j I J-J ad God is with us in this place Greet-ers and shop pers, long -time and new, rest for the wea -ry and health for us all, There's a 07 G r+ J J J I J; JJI JJ J I J.J Like a Moth er's warm em brace. No -bo -dy here has a claim on a pew. And yoke that is ea sy and a bur den that's small. So j j j I J .j j I .J; J I J. .J We're all for -giv en by God's grace. For 'ti Am wheth-er we're ma-ny or on ly a few: come in and wor-ship and an -swer the call For 07 G ~# J J J I J J J J. j. II we are a part of the fam 'ly. We are a part of the fam 'ly. we are a part of the fam 'Iy. Copyright © 1984 by James K. Manley All Rights Reserved [ASCAP] Open Hands· 18 Strength for the Journey by E. Marie Wright-Self Persons diagnosed with AIDS live in a special, particular world. In addition to their illness, they often experience the fear, confusion, and rejection of their families, friends, employers, even their church. They thereby discover that they have become members of a new "family": one they didn't choose, one that is comprised of society's outcasts. Jesus ministered to the outcasts of his day-the lepers-touching them and loving them, making them fee] accepted and part of His family. Jesus said, "Whoever does the will of God is my brother, and sister, and mother" (in other words, my family). (Mark 3:35) A group of people in the California-Pacific Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church took Jesus' words seriously and dreamed about sponsoring retreats for persons affected by AIDS. What better opportunity than a retreat to bring people close and provide strength for the journey? Two "Strength for the Journey" retreats were held during the summer of 1988. A number of AIDS-diagnosed individuals volunteered their time to help create a retreat that would address the issues they felt were important. Included were times for worship, discussion, hiking, swimming, workshops on journaling, stress-reduction techniques, massage, and crafts. Designed. and .included by .God were wondrous thunderstorms with hghtnmg and coolmg rain, tarantulas, inspiration to express deep feelings in poetry, and, for some, the gift of spiritual healing. Most of the people arriving for the retreats did not know each other. Initial hesitancy ("Will they like me?" "Will people shun me here, too, because .of .the ~aposi's sarcoma lesions?") soon gave way to begmnmg fnendships. Tasks shared contributed to individuals feeling involved and needed. Through individual conversations and larger group discussions, people began to realize they had valuable and valued insights and information. By the second night's campfire a family feeling was in the air: encouragement for the hesitant to speak, applause for those "just right" words, tears as some struggled to exp~ess their feelings. There was a sense of wonder that, 10 such a few hours, we'd come to know and value each other so much. "Family" happens when a group of people, related by blood or circumstance, meet together for support, encouragement, challenge, and celebration. A forI?er nurse from New York met his cabin host, a former 011 com pany executive. Later the host was remembered, "He was so kind to all of us in the cabin. He made us feel welcome and taken care of. We felt like we were his family. He made sure we were comfortable every night-kind of like tucking us in. I'll never forget him." "Family" happens when a group of people meet together and affirm the gift of life and God's spirit alive in each day. A woman shared, "I've always wanted to have control. When I used to be in control of my life, I wasn't • as happy as I am now. Now that AIDS is in control, I • Fall 1989 v v ( 7 ~; L f'" .., V (' vol ; ..J '(' r-<. \ v < .l ') ~ ,) "" .J ~ ..., > < A L-t"" .J -, : <'.> i »,...." L ~1: ...l ., ~ : : :.> ~ '>J< : 1,.....) t""", : ,,~ < ",:"~I\<"r\<. ~__ ., ,) v., '{" &.. :.v:\~>~(~V~~..... just live. d each ?ay, I thank ~,odf" that I am ~till alive." A man shared a Journal entry, Guess what I ve seen? I've seen squirrels, tarantulas, bats, flies, and ants. I've seen love, honor, and respect. I've seen Kaposi's sarcoma, neurological disturbances, and illness, Rlus a lot more. But most importantly, I've seen me! !! Another person said, " I think I notice things differently from people who are healthy and think they ~now their future. This spring, the colors were more beautiful than ever before. Certain pieces of music really move me. I treasure each moment." "Family" happens when a group of people meet together and are united by the common history of that meeting. Joseph and Phillip, two participants in the retreat, kept in touch after it ended, usually by telephone. As they became more disabled, they relied on a mutual friend from the retreat to carry messages back and forth. They were concerned about each other and were t~ing to bolster each others' spirits. One day, Joseph sent thIS message, "Tell Phillip that whoever dies first has to promise to keep a cloud warm for the other." The night be.fore Phillip died, the friend reminded him of Joseph's message. Phillip smiled and promised he would remember. The next day, when told of Phillip's response and his death, Joseph smiled and said, "It's good to know I'll have two friends there-Phillip and God! ! " The retreat time was a powerful experience, and its uniting, "family" spirit has continued for many of the participants. They keep in touch via letters and telephone calls. Some are able to meet regularly for movies, lunches, and other events. They visit each other in the hospital and at home. Phillip, Joseph, and two other people have died since the retreats. Members of their retreat families attended their funeral and memorial services. A horrendous calamity gathered people together for a retreat. Christ's message provided the guidance, sharing time together provided the bonding, and all who participated became family and received "Strength for the Journey." .... E. Marie Wright-Self is vice-chair of the CaliforniaPacific Annual Conference AIDS Ministries Task Force and a staff member of the AIDS Chaplaincy Program of the San Diego Ecumenical Conference. She is a member of Rolando UMC in San Diego. 19 Rep Report New Reconciling Congregation Welcome to Hemenway UMC in Evanston, Illinois, our 41st Reconciling Congregation. Hemenway is a multicultural, multiracial congregation, just north of Chicago. Its characteristics are like those of an inner-city parish, even though it is located in a suburban community. Now 115 years old, Hemenway committed itself to being an inclusive community about 15 years ago. Worship is offered in both Chinese and English languages. Several races and nationalities are represented in the congregation. Hemenway maintains a strong program of community service. A soup kitchen there serves 100 to 150 persons each week. Free food is distributed twice a month. A recreation program for youth is also offered. Christ the Redeemer Metropolitan Community Church worships in Hemenway's building and also has its office there. This past September Hemenway graciously hosted the national gathering of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Hemenway is the seventh Reconciling Congregation in the Northern Illinois Conference of the UMC. Annual Conferences Discuss RCP Several UMC annual conferences considered matters related to the Reconciling Congregation Program (RCP) at their sessions this past summer. The Wyoming annual conference (northeastern Pennsylvania and southern New York) reaffirmed its 1988 decision to become a Reconciling Conference. The Eastern Pennsylvania, Minnesota, Oregon-Idaho, and Wisconsin conferences approved plans to study becoming Reconciling Conferences. Southern New England approved a resolution encouraging local churches to study becoming Reconciling Congregations. Pacific Northwest and West Ohio are among several other conferences where special efforts to witness to the RCP happened during the conference session. These events and ongoing activities related to the RCP are continued signs of the movement of God's Spirit in our midst. Advisory Committee Finalizes Convocation Plans The national RCP Advisory Committee met in Chicago in late August to finalize plans for the national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in February 1990. The official convocation brochure outlining plans for the convocation was mailed to all Open Hands subscribers in October. In other business, the Advisory Committee discussed the program's future relationship with Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, its parent organization. A nominating committee was appointed to fill positions on the Advisory Committee at its next meeting in February. The committee also heard a report about the UMC Study Task Force on Homosexuality and received information on the new Transforming Congregation Program, which is modeled after the RCP except that its seeks to change a person's sexual orientation. Committee members also shared news of the continued growth of the Reconciling Congregation movement around the country. In September, the convocation worship planning team announced the convocation preachers. Rev. Ignacio Castuera, pastor of Hollywood First UMC (Hollywood, California); Rev. James Conn, pastor of The Church in Ocean Park (Santa Monica, California); and Rev. Janie Spahr, director of The Ministry of Light (Marin Country, California), will be the preachers for the three convocation worship services. Across the Denominational Spectrum News crossing the Open Hands desk attests to the health and growth of our ecumenical movement. *Lutherans Concerned welcomed their 51st Reconciled in Christ (RIC) congregation this past summer. Anticipating the program's continued growth, Rose Smith, RIC coordinator states that "locating the first 50 was the hardest! " *The More Light Program (Presbyterian) held its largest national conference to date last spring. About 115 participants from around the country gathered in Palo Alto, California, for a time of listening, nurturing, and celebrating. The More Light Program has also just released a new videotape, More Light Churches: Obedience, Ministry, Justice. The video looks at issues faced by gay and lesbian Presbyterians and portrays the response of two More Light churches to these concerns. This 27minute videotape is available for purchase ($23) or rent ($8). Order from Dick Hasbany, 365 Perkins, #305, Oakland, CA 94610. *The United Church of Christ Office for Church in Society recently gave a A Presbyterian Promise "We will work to increase the acceptance and participation in the church of all persons regardless of racial-ethnic origins, sex, class, age, disability, marital status or sexual orientation" -195th General Assembly (1983), Atlanta, Georgia If this is your promise, too, we invite you tojoin Presbyterians for Lesbian & Gay Concerns Write to Elder James D. Anderson PLGC, P.O. Box 38 New Brunswick, NJ 08903-0038 201/846-1510 Open Hands 22 $5,000 grant to the VCC Open and Affirming Program for producing three regional conferences. These conferences will provide the opportunity to introduce the Open and Affirming Program to more congregations and individuals around the country. *The General Assembly of the Vnitarian V niversalist Association overwhelmingly approved the Welcoming Congregation Program during its June meeting. (See report in Summer 1989 Open Hands.) *The Episcopal Diocese of Newark has established a new ministry, called "The Oasis," designed to make lesbians and gay men feel more welcome in the church. The director of The Oasis, Rev. Robert Williams, is an openly gay man who was ordained an Episcopal deacon by Bishop John Spong this past June. In the next issue, Open Hands will again run a combined list of all congregations (wtheran, Presbyterian, V nited Church of Christ, and United Methodist) who have officially welcomed lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. Reconciling Congregations ~1etropolitan-Duane UMC c/o Trudy Grove 201 W. 13th Street New York, NY 10011 Washington Square UMC c/o P.]. unpold-Trump 135 W. 4th Street New York, NY 10012 Park Slope UMC c/o Beth Bentley 6th Avenue & 8th Street Brooklyn, NY 11215 First UMC clo Bill Bouton 66 Chestnut Street Oneonta, NY 13820 Calvary FVIC clo Chip Coffman Ill.) S. 48th Street Philadelphia, PA 19143 OUlllbarton UMC clo Ann Thompson Cook ;~133 Dumbarton Avenue. NW Washington, DC 20007 Christ UMC clo Chuck Kimble 4th and I Streets. SW Washington, DC 20024 St. John's LMC do Barbara Larcom 2705 St. Paul Street Baltimore, MD 21218 Grant Park·Aldersgate UMC c/o Sally Daniel 373 Boulevard, SE Atlanta, GA 30312 Edgehill UMC c/o Hoyt Hickman 1502 Edgehill Avenue Nashville, TN 37212 Central UMC c/o Chuck Larkins 701 W. Central Toledo. OH 436lO Wesley UMC clo John Human 823 Union Avenue Sheboygan, WI 530Hl University UMC clo Steven Webster 1I27 University Avenue Madison, WI 53715 Wesley UMC c/o Patchwork Committee lOl E. Grant Street Minneapolis, MN 55403 Walker Community UMC c/o Debra Keefer 3104 16th Avenue Minneapolis, MN ;).)4.07 University UlVIC c/o D ave Schm idt ()33 W. locust DeKalb, IL 6011 5 Wheadon UMC c/o Phyllis Tholin 2212 Ridge Avenue Evanston, IL 60201 Hemenway UMC c/o Don Marshall 933 Chicago Avenue Evanston, IL 60202 Euclid UMC c/o Alan Tuckey 405 S. E uclid Avenue Oak Park. IL CJ0302 Albany Park UMC c/o Reconciling Committee 3100 W. Wilson Avenue Chicago. IL 6062:'> United Church of Rogers Park clo Sally Baker/ Paul Chapman 1545 W. Morse Avenue Chicago, IL 60626 E-X-P-A-N-D AND FEMINISM How do they fit together? Forfifteen years, DAUGHTERS OF SARAH, the magazine for Christian feminists, has spoken to this question. Each bimonthly magazine examines lively, current issues for women and the church today. Some topics add ressed are: spi rituality, gender roles, biblical interpretation, divorce, and feminist understandings of sin and grace. Each 40-page issue provides a forum for the ecumenical voices of Christian .feminists. All share a commitment to the Scriptures' proclamation of equality, mutual power, and mutual servanthood between women and men. Your reconciling ministry. Become involved in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Affirmation is a national organization of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and their families, friends, and supporters who seek to be in ministry. Annual dues are $25.00 for individuals and $10.00 for students and those on subsistence incomes. For further information: National Affirmation P. O. Box 1021 Evanston, IL 60202 o Send me a trial subscription. Enclosed is $9.00 for a 6month (three issues) subscription. o I want to know more. Please send me a free brochure. Name Address Return to: Daughters of Sarah Dept. 1400 3801 N. Keeler Chicago, IL 60641 Fall 1989 23 Irving Park UMC Crescent Heights UMC Trinity UMC c/o David Foster c/o Walter Schlosser c/o Elli Norris 3801 N. Keeler Avenue 1296 N. Fairfax Avenue 2362 Bancroft Way Chicago. IL 60641 W. Hollywood, CA 90046 Berkeley, CA 94704 Kairos UMC The Church in Ocean Park Albany UMC c/o Jay McCarty c/o Judy Abdo clo Jim Scurlock 207 E. 67th 235 Hill Street 980 Stann age Kansas City, MO 64113 Santa Monica. CA 904()5 Albany, CA 94706 St. Mark's UMC Wesley UMC Sunnyhills UMC c/o David Schwarz c/o Della Campbell c/o Cliveden Chew Haas 1130 N. Rampart Street 1343 E. Barstow Avenue 335 Dixon Road New Orleans. LA 70116 Fresno. CA 93710 Milpitas, CA 95035 St. Paul's UMC Hamilton UMC St. Paurs UMC clo Jeanne Knepper c/o Judy Kreige c/o Darrell Wilson 1615 Ogden Street 1;)25 Waller Street 101 West Street Denver. CO H021H San Francisco. CA 94109 Vacaville, CA 95688 St. Francis in the Foothills UMC Bethany UMC Wallingford UMC c/o Lucy Johnson c/o Rick Grube c/o Margarita Will 4625 E. River Road 1268 Sanchez Street 2115 N. 42nd Street Tucson. AZ H57lH San Francisco, CA 94114 Seattle, WA 98103 United University Church Trinity UMC Capitol Hill UMC c/o Edgar Welty c/o Arron Auger c/o Mary Dougherty Hl'i W. 34th Street 152 Church StreN 128 E. 16th Street ws Angeles. CA 90007 San Francisco, CA 94114 Seattle, WA 98112 Wilshirt" UMC Calvary UMC Rt'('oncilinl{ Confc'n'n('c's c/o Bob Ficklin c/o Jerry Brown California-Nevada 4350 Wilshire Blvd. 1400 Judah Street New York ws Angeles, CA 90010 San Francisco. CA 94122 Northern Illinois Troy Wyoming The Second National Convocation of Reconciling C g egations February 16-18, 1990 Fort Mason Conference Center San Francisco You can be a part of this unique gathering of representatives of Reconciling Congregations and other Christians interested in reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men. • BIBLE STUDY will ground our • SPECIAL YOUTH SESSIONS will reconciling movement in the Bib-allow junior high and senior high lical witness led by Rev. Joan participants the opportunity to Martin and Rev. Arthur meet youth from other Reconcil-Brandenburg. ing Congregations and to explore • WORSHIP will celebrate and nur-San Francisco. ture our spirit journey with REGISTRATION (includes all mealspreaching by Rev. Ignacio Casand convocation activities):tuera, Rev. James Conn, and $100 for ReconCiling CongregationRev. Janie Spahr. representative. • WORKSHOPS will build our skills $75 for each additional rep from a in reconciling ministries with lesReconciling Congregation. bians and gay men. $40 for youth representative. $150 for others. • SATURDAY NIGHT CELEBRATI will include the premiere perforFOR MORE INFORMATION, write or mance of Paschal Pains and Platcall: Reconciling Congregation itudes: A Flower Song, written Program, P.O. Box 23636, and directed by Julian Rush and Washington, D.C. 20026; performed by convocation 2021863-1586. participants. A path to greater understanding ... And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on the Church and Homosexuality This booklet's gentle, personto-person approach is a perfect starti ng place for congregations or individuals dealing with questions about homosexuality : ~ How do reople become homosexual'! ~ What does the Bible say alJOll1 homosexual it y'! ~ What's it like to be gay or les bian in the churc h t()day'~ "For all who feel the pain ofour times, this much-needed booklet identifies a path to greater love and understanding." -C. Dale White, bish()p. New York Area, UMC Written by Ann Thompson Cook, 1988 , :20 PI'. Published by the Dumbarton UMC Task Force on Reconciliation; distributed by the Reconciling Congregation PrograTll, $4,9S per copy $;~.OO for hulk orders (I () or Tllore) Please prepay your order with 15% postage and handl ing to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P. O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 5 No 2 - Images of Family https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/d8dd84c515c20a7ab2a184f4567f9833.pdf 8df74a4f45b9414f55f5b5974f3037d5 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 5 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1990 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine :,t~::%:?~~~~ it ~r( £J'J hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 \... I ~/~ ~~(JJJ~-j ~ . Reconciling Ministries with - . ~ / Lesbians and Gay Men Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/Gay Christian Movement t Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congregation. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program p.o. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 n Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Gay and Lesbian Christians: The Movement Evolves .. ......... . ...4 Morris Floyd The Vision Out on the End of the Limb ..... ..... . ....... ... ..... 7 Leo Treadway The Story Begins Emerging Issues ........... . ...................................8 M. Burrill A Historic Consultation . ..... . .... . .. . . . ....... . .......... . .....9 Phyllis Lyon & Del Martin Timeline: 25 Years of the Gay/Lesbian Christian Movement ... ..... 10 Sustaining the Spirit .................... . ...... ... .. ....... .... 14 Leaving Home/Coming Home/Creating Family Open to Light that Reconciles: Local Churches in Ministry .. ......15 Kristan Burkert A Home for Lesbian/Gay Evangelicals .. .. . .... .... ... . .... . ..... 16 Freda Smith Third World Lesbian/Gay Christians ... . .... ....... ..... ..... . . .. 18 Carolyn Mobley Resources .....................................................19 Letters .. ... ...... . . . .................... . ...... . . ... . .. .. .. . . . 21 RCP Report .. .. .. ... ... . .. .. .... .. ... .. ........ .. ....... ... . ... 22 Next Issue's Theme: Addiction and Codependency Gay and Lesbian Christians: The Movement Evolves .... . ...4 Timeline: 25 Years of the Gay/ Lesbian Christian Movement .. 10 Open Hands { 2 reconciling congregation progralll A network of United Methodist local churches that welcome all persons into the community of faith. A quarterly magazine addressing lesbian and gay concerns in a religious context. RESOURCES ORDER FORM Board Members: Rev. Kim Smith, chair PROMOTIONAL RESOURCES Rev. Finees Flores, vice-chair Carolyn Dell, secretary Please send me: Reva Anderson, treasurer __ copies of the Reconciling Congregation Program brochure (free) Rev. Sally Daniel _ _ copies of 'How to Become a Reconciling Congregation' (free) Kathy Jones Jay McCarty __ copies of the list of Reconciling Congregations (free) Susan Spruce __ copies of the Open Hands brochure (free) Rev. Tim Tennant-Jayne __ copies of the flyer describing the video Casting Out Fear (free) _ copies of the flyer describing And God Loves Each One (free) Program Coordinator: Mark Bowman _ 'I Support Reconciling Congregations' buttons ($2.00; 10 or more, $1.50 each) _ 'I Support Reconciling Congregations' ribbons ($1.00; 10 or more, $0.75 each) Open Hands Co-editors: M. Burrill Bradley Rymph OPEN HANDS: Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men -Quarterlyresource magazine on lesbian/gay concems In the church. _ Iwant to subscribe to Open Hands @ $ 16JYJ/year (four issues) _ Please send me the following back issues @ $5.00 each (10 or more, $3.00 each) _ 'Be Ve Reconciled' (Summer 1985) _ 'Raising Reconciling Children' (Fall 1988) _ 'A Matter of Justice' (Winter 1986) _ 'Sexual Ethics: Exploring the Questions' (Winter 1989) _ 'Our Families' (Spring 1986) _ 'Called to Create: Lesbians and Gay Men in the _ 'Our Churches' Policies' (Summer 1986) Religious Arts' (Spring 1989) _ 'Images of Healing' (Fall 1986) _ 'In, Out, or In Between: The Closet Dilemma' _ 'Minorities within a Minority' (Spring 1987) (Summer 1989) _ 'Sexual Violence: Unlocking the Silence' (Fall 1987) _ 'Images of Family' (Fall 1989) _ 'Sexuality and Spirituality' (Winter 1988) _ 'Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/Gay Christian _ 'Building Reconciling Ministries' (Spring 1988) Movement' (Winter 1990) _ 'Uving and Loving with AIDS' (Summer 1988) CASTING OUT FEAR: Reconciling Ministries with Gay/Lesbian United Methodists -A provocative, warm videotape portraying the painful stories oflesbians and gay men In the church and the struggles of Reconciling Congregations to be supportive oflesbian/gay concems. _ I wish to purchase __copies of Casting Out Fear@ $100.00 each. _ I wish to rent Casting Out Fearfor 30 days beginning @ $20.00. AND GOD LOVES EACH ONE: A Resource for Dialogue on Homosexuality and the Church -A slmp/e, friendly presentation of the facts on lesbians and gay men In the church. Written by Ann Thompson Cook, a sexuality educator and member ofa Reconciling Congregation. Good starting point for discussion In local churches. A free leader's guide Is now available with each order. __ I wish to purchase _ copiesof And God Loves Each One @ $4.95 each ( 10 or more, $3.00 each). TOTAL COST FOR ORDER: $_ _ _ __ My payment is enclosed. Please bill me. SHIP TO: Name Home phone Address Work phone Local Church P.O. Box 23636 T Washington, D.C. 20026 T 202/863-1586 Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/Gay Christian Movement A critical aspect of the identity of any individual or community is its understanding of its history. Partly, this is so that we "don't repeat the same mistakes" or "don't have to reinvent the wheel." But history is more than just a teacher, it is also a source of meaning, the interpretation of how we've come to be where and who we are today. The lesbian/gay Christian movement, as a phenomenon of the last three decades, hasn't tended to think much about its history. Lesbian/gay Christian activists have often bemused the lack of a remembered past, which has led to the continual need to create new models of action. The "lack of history" can produce a freedom with no limits of tradition or experience to direct actions. Unfortunately, the same phenomenon can also produce a "tyranny of the present" in which immediately visible needs determine actions. Of course, the reality is that the lesbian/gay Christian movement does have a history. Perhaps it's not as long or as full as the histories of other communities, but it is a history nonetheless. We offer this issue of Open Hands as a beginning step in the gathering of stories and the interpretation of events for the lesbian/gay Christian movement. We have chosen to begin this history in 1964 with the founding of the first national organization to address the concerns of lesbian/gay Christians-the Council on Religion and the Homosexual in San Francisco. Yet we recognize that the voices and actions of lesbian/gay Christians and their friends before this date were critical to the genesis of the movement. For lesbian/gay Christians, we hope that this beginning history will create a sense of solidarity with those who've gone before, will encourage other efforts to interpret the past, and will provide some direction for future actions. For those in ministry with lesbian/gay Christians, we hope this issue will bring a greater clarity to your understanding of the needs of your lesbian/gay sisters and brothers. A special word of gratitude to Dr. William Johnson for his assistance in the production of this issue. As the founder of the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns and a pioneer in the lesbian/gay Christian movement, Bill's memories, historical records, and contacts with movement leaders were invaluable in helping us construct this issue. We apologize for the lateness of this issue of Open Hands. OH staff were overwhelmed in preparing for the national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in February. We are already at work on the spring issue and pledge to finish it in a more timely fashion. -The staff of Open Hands Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph Graphic Design Supon Design Group, Inc. Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1990 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Winter 1990 3 . · Gay and Lesbian Christians: The Movement Evolves · by Morris floyd G ay and lesbian Christians have been an important force in the growth of the church for all of its history. The growth and change of this movement • over the last 25 years is related to a variety of dynamics • in the churches, in the society at large, and in the • gay/lesbian communities. The presence of an organized movement can be traced • to the Council on Religion and the Homosexual (CRH), • which emerged from a consultation in 1964 [see p. 8]. In • addition to their educational value for all participants, • events subsequently planned by CRH offered an impor• tant mechanism by which closeted gay/lesbian Christians • (most often clergy) could meet each other, share their : stories, and create networks of mutual support. This latter • function remains a key emphasis in the gay/lesbian Chris• tian movement 25 years later because enforced invisibility • of gay men and lesbians has made it so difficult for them • to find that support. · BECOMING VISIBLE The June 1969 events at the Stonewall Bar in New • York City's Greenwich Village created a climate that • energized a few lesbian/gay Christians to come out pub• licly and become more visible. Among these persons was : Bill Johnson, a member of the United Church of Christ • who asked for and subsequently received ordination as an • openly gay man. Gene Leggett, a United Methodist min• ister, found his denomination considerably less open when • he shared his identity at an emotional session of his an• nual conference. Through the 1970s and '80s, lesbian/gay Christians be: came more and more visible despite the nearly universal • message from the churches that they were unwelcome. • Actions of these persons served to challenge the lack of • hospitality so evident in the institutional church and to • assure the presence of effective ministry in lesbian/gay • communities. Both types of activities began early in the : history of the movement: .Pentecostal minister Troy Perry and others created in 1968 what was to become the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC). UFMCC congregations are now found all over the United States as well as in several other countries. Though not exclusively gay/lesbian in membership, the ministry of UFMCC congregations is primarily in those communities . • Persons from communions like the Roman Catholic and Episcopal churches created groups (Dignity and Integrity, respectively) that offered worship and fellowship in their traditions using mechanisms very similar to those found in their larger communions. .Gay men and lesbians from other denominations, such as the United Church of Christ, the United Methodist Church, and the Presbyterian Church, organized groups that functioned more like a "caucus" within their denominational systems. While Integrity and Dignity developed primarily through local chapters, these other denominational groups : 4 found their primary energy in responding to and trying to make an impact upon the national decisionmaking processes of their churches. The earliest strategies of these caucuses capitalized on the legacy of CRH, using educational events to support their organizing and networking goals. The results of such education may partially account for the continuing fear of educational efforts in some churches. Early on it became evident that, whenever educational activities enable gay men and lesbians in the church to be visible to each other and to themselves, it advances the effort to make the system more open. This is consistent with studies showing that the single factor most highly correlated with homophobia is the belief that one doesn't know any gay or lesbian people. DENOMINATIONS RESPOND The visibility of gay men and lesbians in the churches also began to grow through denominational publications. Two special issues of motive (United Methodist) and one of Trends (United Presbyterian) were published in 1972 and 1973, respectively. The magazines provided some of the first occasions in those denominations for official publications to address gay/lesbian concerns in a positive way. However, neither magazine was being published a year after these special issues. Dignity had been formed by a Roman Catholic priest with approval of his superior. Nevertheless, Fr. John McNeill, S.J., who in 1973 had been the keynote speaker for the first national convention of Dignity, was officially forbidden in 1974 to speak his views on homosexuality. This did not stop him from publishing his landmark book The Church and the Homosexual. As a result of such events, the question of visibility vs. invisibility became an important theme in the movement. One participant in an early 1970s conference on homosexuality sponsored by the National Council of Churches describes it as "a meeting of closeted homosexuals" seeking acceptance by the church through staying invisible. As uncomfortable as it made many closeted lesbians and gay men and most other church members, however, the gay/lesbian Christian movement steadily increased its visibility. In the communions that took an affirmative stance toward lesbians and gay men in early years, lesbian/gay groups have served to support denominational efforts by helping them to understand the full impact of homophobia and heterosexism in their churches. The Unitarian Universalist Association (UUA) lesbian and gay caucus was formed in 1971, after the General Conference of that body adopted a landmark statement supporting gay/lesbian rights in the church and in society. Similarly, the United Church of Christ (VCC) lesbian/gay caucus formed shortly after that denomination's decision that homosexuality as such should not be a bar to ordination. The UCC and VVA lesbian/gay caucuses in succeeding years have come to each of their denominational general assemblies with additional policy recommendations that reinforce the organization's support for gay/lesbian rights. Open Hands By the mid-1980s, for example, the UUA had developed a process for ensuring that openly gay/lesbian clergy would receive reasonable consideration when they applied for positions as pastors. In the late 1970s, the educational approach to the movement took a new turn when several denominations, most notably 'the UCC and the United Presbyterian Church, developed studies on human sexuality. As in studies that would come in other denominations later, lesbians and gay men were essentially invisible or reduced to tokens during the study process. The Presbyterians accepted most of the findings of their study but rejected its suggestions for increased openness to gay men and lesbians, especially those who wished to be ordained. The UCC study resulted in a list of recommendations that have formed the agenda for that denomination's progressive activity in support of lesbians and gay men since its publication. In denominations where official encouragement was lacking, gay and lesbian groups also found ways to place the issues on their churches' agenda. By the mid to late 1970s, Presbyterians for Gay Concerns (now called Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns) and Gay United Methodists (later to be known as the United Methodist Gay Caucus and finally as Affirmation) made their presence felt at denominational assemblies. Concurrently, reaction began to occur. Theologically and socially conservative groups such as Good News (United Methodist) and Biblical Witness Fellowship (UCC) gained recognition for opposing the progressive directions that had begun to emerge in their respective denominations. Though these groups attempt to impose their viewpoints on the denomination on a wide variety of issues, their opposition to progressive attitudes towards lesbians and gay men, particularly related to ordination, continues to serve as their most important organizing tool. One result of this change has been an extension of the educational efforts beyond "Gay/Lesbian 101" experiences to a broader examination of what a comprehensive ministry among and by gay/lesbian Christians might mean. Another result is a reduced focus on addressing prohibitive policies related to ordained clergy. Some gay/lesbian clergy and seminarians have felt abandoned by this change. Other ordained lesbian/gay persons have understood that without a general church intention to be in ministry with gays and lesbians, their presence as ordained persons continues to be a matter either of secrecy or controversy. The emphasis in the gay/lesbian Christian movement on inclusive ministry can also be seen as related to parallel efforts to bring about racial and gender justice in the institutional church. While many gay men and lesbians have been involved in these other struggles, the lesbian/gay Christian movement itself has, for the most part, been dominated by young, white, middle-class men. Where this pattern is beginning to change, credit is due to two factors: the willingness of a few persons of color to confront and work through the realities of racism in these groups and the presence of articulate and thoughtful lesbians who have been able to teach their gay brothers about the connections between oppression based on race, gender, and class and oppression based on sexual orientation. These teachers have pushed sometimes reluctant students to address their own racism and sexism and to establish in the lesbian/gay Christian organizations an intention to overcome those barriers. MODELS OF INCLUSIVE MINISTRY ~~.. It soon became clear that changes in official church statements or in church polity related to ordination would C not come soon. In addition, lesbians and gay men in the church had already learned by observing the movement for racial justice that changing policy or law did not eliminate the underlying social attitudes that caused the injustice in the first place. On this basis, groups that had begun as caucuses aimed at creating policy change began to expand their purpose to enable an effective ministry to and by the church through: • a ministry of presence that affirms and supports those seeking to create a just and loving church institution; • offering to the churches the model of ministry truly responsive to the needs of all persons including, but not limited to, gay men and lesbians; and • confronting the institution with the costs in lost opportunities for evangelism, witness, and service that result from the pervasive influence of homophobia and heterosexism. Winter 1990 ~ 5 . t tH :. The focus on inclusive ministry has also helped to nurture a still small spark of ecumenism in the gay/ lesbian Christian movement. Gay/lesbian interfaith alliances have appeared in a few localities and attempts have been made at national networking [see p. 7]. Probably the largest single impact of the impetus toward inclusive ministry is the development in most ma• jor denominations of networks of local churches that identify themselves as open to the full participation of gay men and lesbians. "More Light" churches in the Presbyterian denomination, "Open and Affirming" UCC churches, "Reconciled in Christ" Lutheran congregations, and United Methodist "Reconciling Congregations" now number 170 around the country [see pp. 15 & 19]. These are congregations where gay/lesbian and non gay people have been able to define a shared vision of ministry and, • based on that vision, to articulate an intention to be fully inclusive. The process toward such an articulation is not always smooth; nor is the decision always unanimous. : However, the result is almost always growth in varieties of • ministry and people served, as well as enlargement and • revitilization of the congregations themselves. This development has raised the question about the role • of "straight" -identified persons in the gay/ lesbian Chris• tian movement. It is typical, and perhaps imperative, for : justice movements to include those from outside the op• pressed group-whites in the civil rights movement and • feminist men are examples. These movements have fre• quently had to find gentle (and sometimes not-so-gentle) • ways to remind their outside supporters of the need for • oppressed persons to create their own spaces, to make • their own decisions, and to speak for themselves. Among gay/lesbian Christians, an additional dynamic • has been added-the presence of persons who are actually • gay or lesbian but who wish to preserve their privileges in • the institutional church and in the society at large by re• maining "straight" -identified. Maintaining clarity of iden• tity and integrity of role can become very difficult for : these persons and for those around them. More than one • lesbian/gay church activist has had the experience of • building an emotionally important relationship with such • a person only to have the individual disavow or discount • the relationship in hurtful ways at a later time. Added to • the reality that many progressive heterosexual persons • have yet to confront fully their heterosexist assumptions, • this is an arena where further evolution of the movement • is likely to be observed. The stark reality of AIDS has also contributed to the development of the lesbian/gay Christian movement since the early 1980s. This epidemic has been an occasion for churches to have another look at broader gay/lesbian issues, albeit in the context of stereotypes reinforced by blaming attitudes toward those who are affected by the disease. Most denominations and local churches were very slow to respond to the ministry challenges associated with the epidemic. Early response was almost always the result of efforts by gay men and lesbians, many of whom were closeted persons taking an important risk in supporting an effort so closely identified with homosexuality. While the wider church has begun to respond more helpfully in the last few years, much of the informal leadership in this area continues to be given by gay men or lesbians, even though they rarely hold official responsibility for doing so. T he fact that AIDS has provided an opportunity for professional ministry in the church to gay men and lesbians who might otherwise not have found it is, at the same time, a dramatic reminder of how gay men and lesbians continue to be marginalized and compartmentalized. To gay men and lesbians, it reinforces the impression that they are merely tolerated in the church, and then only to the extent that they identify themselves with what many still perceive as evidence of a fundamental moral inferiority. EMERGING OPPORTUNITIES The emergence of predominantly gay/ lesbian congregations in denominations other than UFMCC is the most recent step in the effort by lesbian/gay Christians to assure effective ministries within and by their communities. Spirit of the Lakes Ecumenical Community Church, in Minneapolis, for example, is in the process of becoming affiliated with the UCC. This congregation was started by former members of a UFMCC church as an alternative operating from a liberal theological perspective and having a congregational rather than a clergy-centered operational style. The rapid growth of Spirit of the Lakes Church (from average attendance of 50 to over 200 in less than a year) suggests to some observers that congregations like this-equivalent to ethnic or language community congregations-may provide an important vehicle for outreach in the years ahead. The same dynamic is at work in places such as the Society of Friends, where lesbians and gay men are working within a basically welcoming milieu to develop liturgical rites particular to their own needs, such as celebrations of relationships or marriages. The continuing challenge to the gay/lesbian Christian movement will be to determine whether and how it can relate to the institutional church. Seeking too close an involvement in a still hostile environment risks reinforcement of self-oppressions when we see ourselves as supplicants for acceptance rather than inheritors of God's grace and co-creators of the reign of love and justice. Maintaining too great a distance risks the opportunity for a truly ecumenical church. The balance will not be easy to find. T Morris Floyd is a long-time participant in the lesbian/gay Christian movement. He has been active in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns since 1977 and served as one of Affirmation's spokespersons from 1982-88. He is now a member of Spirit of the Lakes Ecumenical Community Church in Minneapolis. Open Hands : 6 · The Vision Out on the End of the Umb · by Leo Treadway • Being part of a group of visionaries can be both exciting and disappointing. Such was to be the experience of several representatives from the lesbian/ gay religious community, including myself, a decade • ago. Together, we nurtured a vision of what our lives and • mutual faith journeys might be. As our vision matured, it • challenged us to set aside temptations of power and o prestige and to look more closely at how we could work • with each other. The story began in 1979 when the Quixote Center, a Roman Catholic justice ministry in Maryland, and the o National Organization for Women hosted a Strategy Con- o ference on Homophobia in the Churches. Sixteen denom• inational lesbian/gay organizations and two secular groups • sent some 60 participants. Through our discussions, we o identified homophobia in our churches as promoting a state of sin and pain. We believed that lesbian/gay Chris• tians had both a responsibility to confront such homo• phobia and the ability to help churches transcend this · and related issues such as racism, sexism, ageism, and • classism. And we believed that the development of an in- o terdenominational network would facilitate such work and help foster mutual support and strategizing. In the fall of 1981, the Quixote Center began preparing o for a second conference, "Toward an American leso bian/Gay Christian Movement," set for May 1982 in o Washington, D.C. This time, 17 lesbian/gay Christian o organizations participated. lesbian/gay Jews were invited but offered only "observer status." From the beginning, our deliberations were marked by o controversy. Our focus had made a clear, substantive o change from the first conference. No longer were we o primarily addressing the ills we perceived in the churches. o Now we were looking at ourselves-at how we could con• structively oppose homophobia, sexism, racism, and classism in our own organizations; share resources and tasks among ourselves; and present a united witness that o lesbians and gay men are affirmed by God for ministry o and witness in all aspects of religious life. This inward focus was most apparent in the discussions • about how our joint decision making should occur. Par• ticipants agreed early on that a meeting to form an alliance of our organizations should be held in November o 1982. As a matter of theological principle, we agreed that o all decisions at that gathering were to be arrived at by · consensus. We also agreed that lesbian/gay Jews would be o invited as full participants to that meeting. Some dele• gates felt strongly that the decision to invite Jews only as observers to the Washington gathering had been responsi• ble for the total absence of Jewish participation. There was another principle of equal, or even greater, • importance, however, and it proved far more challengingo the acceptable composition of "official representatives" to • the November gathering. A "parity rule" was proposed, o stipulating that denominational organizations could have up to three delegates, with only one white male, at least o one female, and at least one "Third World" person. Even• tually, this principle was adopted, but several organizao tions announced that they would challenge the rule at the o November gathering. • Winter 1990 As preparations were made for the November gathering, these concerns for consensus and inclusiveness were built into every aspect of planning. When that meeting convened in Atlanta on schedule, all decision making did occur through consensus, lesbian/gay Jews were full participants, and organizational delegates were held to the parity rule. Eighteen groups sent official representatives to this gathering of what became known as the lesbian/Gay Interfaith Alliance (LGIA). But these lofty principles were to cause a gradual defection away from the alliance. Organizations that were composed mainly of white males or who felt that smaller groups and minorities had been given too great a share in the decision making began to drift away. When LGIA next gathered in October 1983 in Minneapolis, only 13 groups participated, with few full delegations in attendance. Delegate selection had shifted from representatives who could speak for their organizations to delegates selected on the basis of geographical convenience. Nevertheless, participants worked diligently, adopting resolutions supporting programs such as "More Light Congregations," "Reconciling Congregations," and the "Reconciled in Christ Project"; supporting membership for the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches in the National Council of Churches; and opposing theological pronouncements equating AIDS with God's judgment. October 1984's conference in San Francisco drew representatives of 12 groups, with a total of only 25 participants. Plans were made for subsequent conferences in 1985, 1986, and 1987, but little of LGIA survived beyond the San Francisco gathering. Two of the largest member groups had effectively withdrawn from participation in LGIA and had begun to make plans for their own joint national convention in 1987. Other groups also weakened their commitment. The dream that had spawned LGIA seemed to have run its course. Sadly, the demise of LGIA marked a return by groups to work largely apart from one another. It also returned them to more familiar postures where white men frequently maintained the power and called the shots. Those involved in the journey of LGIA had dared to hold up a vision that recognized diversity and committed lesbian/gay people of faith to be truly inclusive. In the end, all our old shortcomings surfaced and destroyed the alliance. LG IA was a benchmark in our community and perhaps could be a model for us once again, as the discussion about a similar network is now under way. T Leo Treadway has been a ministry associate with the Wingspan Ministry of St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church in St. Paul, Minnesota, for the past eight years. The Wingspan Ministry is that congregation's ministry with and on behalf of lesbians, gay men, and their fa milies. He was a founding member of the Lesbian and Gay Interfaith Council of Minnesota and served as cochair of Lutherans Concerned/North America. 7 THE STORY BEGINS : EMERGING ISSUES : by M. Burrill T he Council on Religion and the Homosexual has played a key role in the emergence of lesbians and gay men within the church. This council was born : out of a consultation in California in 1964. The Rev. Ted Mcllvenna was the man who started it all. He was director of the Young Adult Project in San Francisco. In the course of his work, he met persons for • whom homosexuality created problems. In hunting for groups which were providing services for these persons, he • found four organizations: Daughters of Bilitis, Mattachine Society, Inc., League for Civil Education, and the Tavern Guild. During his explorations, Ted found a conflict between the basic sexual feelings of many homosexuals and • the response of religion or the church. He sensed a sharp • division between homosexuals and the Church. Ted shared his concerns with others. Methodism's Older • Youth/Young Adult Project and a division of the Methodist Board of Christian Social Concerns joined Glide Urban Center in sponsoring a consultation to foster understanding between homophile organizations and churches. The event was to include 15 clergy from around • the country and 15 homosexuals from the San Francisco Bay Area. Prior to the consultation itself, gay men began their orientation of the clergy to the gay life. A weekend "plunge" into the gay community included a Saturday 0' night tour of gay male bars and a Sunday picnic at a "secret" oceanside locale. Sunday evening all 30 participants gathered at a retreat center for the opening session of the consultation. The church participants included eight from the Methodist Chur,eh, as well as representatives of the United Church of Christ (UCC), the Lutheran Church in America, and the Protestant Episcopal Church. The retreat opened dialogue, defined terms, determined ways of relating, encouraged openness of attitudes, and gained understanding of homosexuality. The participants looked beyond labels and found friends. After the retreat, the San Francisco participants established themselves as the Council on Religion and the Homosexual (CRH). The following statement of "goals and purposes" was adopted. "In order to promote a continuing dialogue between the church and the homosexual, understand more fully human sexuality, and to promote understanding of the broad variations and manifestations within the spectrum of human sexuality, The Council on Religion and the Homosexual sets forth these goals and purposes: • "To orient the clergy on aspects of homosexuality (i.e. physical, economic, legal, intellectual, emotional, etc.) in accordance with homosexual testimony and available scientific data. • "To encourage pastoral clergy to provide homosexuals of both sexes an opportunity to present their views on sex, religion, morals, and ethics to lay organizations within their churches. . 8 • "To open up channels of communication so that clergy and lay churchmen [sic] may engage in dialogue with the homosexual so that new understandings of the church and religious faith may be developed. • "To conscript the aid of religious publications and other appropriate communication media urging a broadened editorial policy that will include accurate and objective articles on homosexuality, • "To provide an effective voice throughout the nation in matters of laws, policies, and penal reforms governing adult sexual behavior. • "To help the clergyman to better understand his role as counselor in dealing with problems of human sexuality in our society with special reference to young people." I At its inception in 1964, CRH was the only place in the country where homosexuality and religion was being openly discussed. It soon earned the respect of additional clergy, many homosexuals, and others in the community I concerned with civil rights and vital religion. The council's work was essential for initial consciousness-raising on issues of homosexuality for people of faith. CRH, being the only organization that dealt with concerns of both homosexuality and religion, provided unique services. Printed material dealing with these subjects was sent upon request. When the press needed a contact in this arena, they called CRH. People called CRH for counseling. In addition, it was the first organization dealing with homosexuals to gain 501(c)3 federal tax exempt status. The council sponsored an annual symposium on the lifestyles of the homosexual. Drawing about 50 participants each year, these events, besides providing much needed education and dialogue, also provided opportunities for developing informal networks. The CRH symposia were the primary connecting points for many lesbian and gay Christians, especially closeted clergy. Out of the networking of the Council on Religion and the Homosexual, denominational gay and lesbian groups began to form. CRH actively encouraged people to get involved in the lesbian/gay religious movement in their own denominations. In 1975, when Bill Johnson resigned as the executive director, he recommended that CRH become inactive. The council had done its work so well that denominational groups were now getting off the ground and doing the work of connecting issues of faith and sexuality. In the last five or six years, CRH has become reactivated. It has a board of directors and holds annual meetings. The important work of the Council on Religion and the Homosexual continues. ~ M. Burrill is coeditor of Open Hands. Material for this article was taken primarily from a report on the first consultation of CRH written by Donald Kuhn, former director of Glide Publications. Open Hands : o A HISTORIC CONSULTATION o by Del Martin & Phyllis Lyon o I n June 1964, a most unusual gathering occurred which had a profound impact on the relationship between American churches and lesbians and gay omen. Through the lesbian organization Daughters of Bilitis o (DOB), the Rev. Ted McIlvenna contacted us and told us o about a consultation that was being planned on "The o Church and the Homosexual" to foster better under- o standing between the two groups. We must admit that Ted did not fit our stereotype of a o minister. He did not appear to be the hellfire and dam- o nation type. Yet we were very skeptical when he invited us o to attend the consultation. "Who wants to spend three o days with a bunch of ministers?" was Phyllis' reaction. We took the idea to members of the Daughters of Bilio tis. Of 25 women present, we found that only two at- o tended church regularly. Two had quit going to church o because of their homosexuality. The other 21 (ourselves o included) had stopped attending long before they were o consciously aware of their homosexual tendencies. One o woman, who had worked for the Council of Churches, o strongly urged us to participate saying, "You might be o surprised." The group noted that, if just the two of us : attended, women would be underrepresented and went on o to say DOB should have at least five delegates. We accepted Ted's invitation and passionately and o loudly advocated for more women. We won our five. We o were joined by Cleo Glenn, national president of DOB; o Pat Walker, San Francisco chapter president (the only per: sons of color at the retreat); and Billie Talmij, who made o the opening presentation on our behalf. We were out- o manned-five to one-but not undone. At the opening session, introductions were somewhat o stiff, but polite. Some anxiety was evident among both o the clergy and the lesbian/gay contingents. Ted, the only person known to everyone there, laid the o groundwork for the two-day sessions to follow. "Forget o who you represent. We represent the human race. Let's o start there." He cautioned against letting sexual or o religious identification get in the way of understanding. Neither heterosexuals nor homosexuals had special access o to truth or righteousness. Deference to women was : dropped at the lesbians' request, a decision we women o later regretted. The clergy (all male) found the gay men o to be far more provocative and fascinating. We were only o women-or perhaps as women independent of men we o were a threat. Besides, there were segregated sleeping : quarters for men and women, allowing for more gay-manto- nongay-man talk through the night and early morning. Monday's session began with an exchange-how the o church and homosexuals view each other. The gays critio cized the church for its omissions in pastoral counseling o and education about human sexuality, and for its blanket : condemnation of homosexuals. The clergy defended the o church, saying most denominations had made no "official" statements, that the church should not be locked o Winter 1990 into the past, that theology was beginning to recognize that all relationships which are informed by love, involve commitment, and include responsibility are valid. And one minister said to the gay group, "What do you need us for? You've been conducting your own ministry for years." Billie's presentation on behalf of DOB filled us with pride. She began, "All heterosexuals are at this conference hoping to understand the homosexual better, and all the homosexuals are here because they hope you will." She also noted, "We women are actually a minority within a minority within a minority." That is, we are minorities as women in the homosexual minority and as homosexuals within the religious minority. We would also add-as lesbians in the minority status of women. Billie pointed out that all of us had preconceived notions and that to her the original sin was ignorant, inflexible, wall-to-wall thinking. "So, we of DOB offer a challenge...to the gay (homosexual) and straight (heterosexual) alike, a challenge to dislodge a brick or two from this four-walled thinking." Billie's presentation was indeed a blockbuster for the small groups to consider. We met in three discussion groups of 10 each, and our small band of women was stretched to the limit. The last day was set aside for an "official statement" which instead became reports representing the consensus reached in each discussion group. Before parting, everyone expressed concern about how, when we returned to our home base, we could continue the dialogue which we had begun. C. Kilmer Myers, the Episcopal suffragan bishop of Detroit and the highest ranking clergy at the consultation, suggested that we make San Francisco the "test city," that clergy and homosexuals who participated in the retreat organize and open further channels between the gay and the church communities. In the following weeks, after much debate and soulsearching, the Council on Religion and the Homosexual was formed. Its purpose was to promote a continuing dialogue between the church and the homosexual and understanding of the broad variations and manifestations within the spectrum of human sexuality. It was the first organization to use the "H" word in its title. Today's lesbian/gay organizations both within and without the church bear witness to the success of the council's purpose. T Del Martin and Phyllis Lyon are two of the founders of the Daughters of Bilitis, co-authors of Lesbian/Woman, and activists in the lesbian, gay, and women 's movements since 1955. They have been domestic partners for 36 years. 9 • • 25 Years 0/the Lesbian/Gay ChristianMovement · departure from the1964 · 1967 PIONEERING DENOMINATIONS heterosexual nature of A • God's creation." A few Christian communions were on the cutting edge -Consultation with 30 · -United Church of · of the lesbian/gay Christian movement by declaring their church leaders and gay · Christ (UCC) magazine • support for lesbian/gay rights early on in the movement. men and lesbians organSocial Action and Public support came initially from the Unitarian U niver · 1971 • salist Association and the Friends (Quakers). The United ized through Glide United Presbyterian • Church of Christ followed shortly thereafter with General Urban Center in San publication Social • -A gay Friend (Quaker) • Synod resolutions supporting lesbian/gay rights within Francisco leads to Progress devote joint • tells his personal story • the society and within the church. Most mainline Protesfounding of the Council • issue to topic of civil • in the Friends Journa~ tant denominations have been equivocal in their support • of lesbian/gay concerns-trying to uphold conflicting beon Religion and the · rights of lesbians and • under the pseudonym of Homosexual (CRH). • gay men. liefs by supporting civil rights, but denying support of • Jim Bradford. Rev. Ron · lesbians and gay men within the church, particularly • Mattson (Minneapolis) • related to ordination. The Roman Catholic Church and • responds to this story by most evangelical denominations and sects have manifest • founding the Committee · the most blatant instutitional homophobia. 1965 1968 • of Concern, American -CRH holds first of -Troy Perry begins · and Canadian Friends, several annual sym· Metropolitan Com-• to deal with lesbian/gay posiums on "The · munity Church of Los liberation movement. · --Gay seminarians in • concerns. Lifestyles of the · Angeles; later to become -Father Pat Nidorf · the nine schools of the • -Rev. Gene Leggett an-Homosexual." · the Universal Fellowship . (San Diego) organizes · Graduate Theological • nounces his homosex· of Metropolitan Dignity for gay/lesbian Union in the Bay Area • uality and is suspended Community Churches Catholics. • of California organize • from the Southwest • (UFMCC). · for mutual support. • Texas Conference of the · -Bill Johnson, a • United M ethodist 1966 1970 · seminarian at Pacific · Church (UMC). -National Council of · 1969 · School of Religion • -National Conference Churches seminar on · -Unitarian Universalist comes out publicly and • on Religion and the "The Church and • Association (UUA) Gen-· announces his intention • Homosexual in New---.... Homosexuals" in White . -Stonewall Riots in · eral Assembly adopts to seek ordination in the • York City draws 70 par....~ Plains, New Yook New York City; recog· resolution calling for an UCc. • ticipants from 11 difdraws 36 partici-nized as birth of end to homosexual • -wtheran Church in • ferent denominations. pants from NCC modern lesbian/gay · discrimination in law • America states that member enforcement, in civil ser-• homosexuality is "acommunions. · vice, and in the armed • services. MOVEMENT TAKES TWO DIRECTIONS -Rev. Richard Nash · (Los Angeles) and Elgin' The very early years of the lesbian/gay Christian · Blair (Toronto) organize • movement witnessed two different answers to the critical · UUA Gay Caucus. • question: what relationship should lesbian/gay Christians take to the institutional church? Troy Perry saw little hope for acceptance of lesbians and gay men in evan· gelicallpentecostal churches and answered this question • by creating an alternative church. The Universal Fellow• ship of Metropolitan Community Churches has grown • rapidly since 1968 by providing a church home for les• bians and gay men free from the institutional homo: phobia of most Christian denominations. Other lesbians • and gay men chose to stay within their denominations • and create support and advocacy organizations. The early ones were Dignity (Catholic), Committee of Concern (Quaker), and the Unitarian Universalist Gay Caucus. · Such organizations now exist in almost every Christian · denomination. Open Hands · 1974 · 1976 1972 IN THE MEDIA As the lesbian/gay Christian movement became more -The Committee of • -Vatican investigates · -United Church of visible in the 1970s, it began receiving coverage in the reConcern meets in conFather John McNeill, · Canada supports incluligious media. Early articles appread in Christian Cenjunction with the tury, U.S. Catholic, Christianity & Crisis, Commonweal, · S.]., and officially for· sion of sexual orientaFriends General Conand engage/social action. A United Methodist young • bids him to speak or tion in provincial and ference to elicit dialogue • adult magazine, motive, had been on the forefront of · write on gay/lesbian · federal human rights on lesbian/gay concerns; • covering social justice in the church and society through • concerns. · legislation. later they hold their first • the 1950s and 1960s. When conservative forces in the • -Presbyterian Church -Episcopal General denomination prevailed to stop motive from publishing in Midwinter Gathering in • • ceases publication of Convention passes 1972, the magazine staff published two final issues-one New York. · Trends magazine. resolution affirming gay on lesbianism and feminism and the other on gay men. -Metropolitan Com· -UMC Council on people as "fully children Dennis Shoemaker, co-editor of the Presbyterian munity Temple, first • Youth Ministry adopts a of God" who are entiTrends magazine, had participated in an early consulta · tled to the full ministry gay/lesbian'synagogue, tion with the Council on Religion and the Homosexual resolution declaring that is founded in Los (CRHl and found his opinions on lesbian/gay concerns • homosexuality should of the church. Angeles. transformed. He and co-editor Florence Bryant compiled not be a bar to ordained -John McNeill, Jesuit -Bill Johnson is ora special issue of Trends in 1973 entitled "Homosexual• ministry. priest, publishes The dained hy the Golden ity: Neither Sin nor Sickness." Publishing executives cen· -Louie Crew (in rural Church and the sored the magazine by forcing Shoemaker and Bryant to Gate Association of the · Georgia) organizes In-Homosexual. cut one article on lesbian feminism. Bryant resigned in UCC; subsequently • tegrity for Episcopalian -Dr. Ralph Blair orgaprotest. The censored magazine still produced an uproar Johnson organizes the lesbians and gay men. nizes Evangelicals Conin conservative Presbyterian circles. Shoemaker resigned UCC Gay Caucus. • -Sally Gearhart and cerned in New York. shortly thereafter, and Trends ceased publishing. -UMC General ConNondenominational magazines did not have the stric• Bill Johnson compile -Insight, journal of gay ference adopts statement • tures of dealing with denominational politics. Christianity and write Loving Catholic opinion, begins which refers to gay and & Crisis was the magazine on the forefront of covering · Women/Loving Men: publishing. lesbians persons as "per-. lesbian/gay concerns by devoting a whole issue to homo• Gay Liberation and the -Ben Pickell begins sexuality in 1977 and one on coming out in 1979. In the sons of sacred worth" Church. organization for les1980s, reading about lesbian/gay concerns in the religious but also declares that bian/gay Seventh Day media had become commonplace. "we do not condone the Adventists in southern practice of homosexuali-. California. · 1975 ty and consider this WHERE ARE THE WOMEN? practice incompatible Many have asked this question and wonder why the • -National Council of with Christian • lesbian/gay Christian movement has historically had 1977 · Churches adopts resoluteaching." fewer women than men involved in leadership and par• tion supporting civil-The final two issues of . ticipation. Many organizations have focused special atten· rights for lesbians and -Anita Bryant leadsmotive, a United . tion on bringing in and nurturing lesbians, and still religious movement to Methodist magazine, are : many gatherings are primarily male. · gay men. -Brian McNaught, repeal antidiscrimination devoted to lesbian and Although no one knows for a fact the answer to this, · legislation in Dadefeminist concerns and to • dialogue within lesbian groups has suggested an impor-writer for Detroit • tant reason. For gay male Christians, their oppression as · diocesan Catholic news-County, Florida. gay men. • gay seems to be what draws them into solidarity in · paper, writes column in -UCC General Synod -Rev. Troy Perry, groups. For lesbians, their oppression as lesbians often adopts resolution which • which he comes out; is founder of Metropolitan . takes a back seat to their primary oppression as women. · subsequently fired from deplores the use of Community Church, The church, being largely a patriarchal institution known · newspaper. scripture to generate publishes his autobio-. for its oppression of women, is not therefore a place -Committee of Con-hatred of gays andgraphy, The Lord is My . where many lesbians would seek liberation and empower· cerns (Quaker) decides lesbians. General Synod Shepherd and He . ment as readily as gay men do. name is too closeted and also adopts study comKnows I'm Gay. changes it to Friends mittee report "Human -Rev. Freda Smith is Committee for Gay Sexuality: A Preliminary credentialed as the first Concerns. (In 1978 it is Report." woman clergy in the · discuss lesbian/gay con-magazine, entitled again changed to -Christianity & Crisis, UFMCC. · cerns in Lincoln, "Homosexuality: Friends for Lesbian and nondenominational • Nebraska, results in N either Sin nor Gay Concerns.) magazine, publishes · founding of the Sickness," is censored -Gay United Methodist special issue on American Baptist Gay but still published. Caucus (later called homosexuality. 1973 • Caucus. -Gay activists disrupt Affirmation) is founded -Study document on -Presbytery of Chicago : meeting of the Governin meeting in Evanston, homosexuality and the-First national Dignity vetoes Lincoln Park • ing Board of the Illinois. • church is submitted toconvention held San P resbyterian Church's National Council of the General Assembly of Diego. call to Rev. David Churches in Pittsburgh. the Disciples of Christ. -UUA General Sindt, an openly gay -NCC facilitates con- Bishop Paul Moore Assembly adopts proPresbyterian minister, to : sultation on "The • ordains Ellen Barrett,posal to establish an Ofbe on the staff; Sindt • Church and the Gay • · acknowledged lesbian fice of Gay Concerns in begins organizing the Community" at St. Paul: · and first copresident of the denominational Presbyterian Gay School of Theology in · Integrity, as Episcopal headquarters. Caucus. Kansas City. National -Gathering of 150 -Special issue of Task Force on GayAmerican Baptists to Trends, a Presbyterian People in the Church is • founded out of this consultation. • priest. Winter 1990 II • -Strategy Conference • first official same-sex 1978 • on Homophobia in the • "celebration of commit- PAYING A PRICE • Churches (in Mt. • ment" at University -Presbyterian Task • Rainier, Maryland) Force to Study • draws together les-Homosexuality report to • bian/gay leaders from General Assembly in-• many denominations. eludes statement that . -Lesbian/gay Christian "self affirming, practic-• groups participate in ing homosexu&ls" should : first National March for be ordained if qualified. . Lesbian/Gay Rights in . • lVT h' gto DC GeneraI Assembly rejects was rn n, .. • D" I f Ch . ordination statement and • -ISCIP es 0 rIst • G adopts minority report eneral Assembly votes from Task Force. • to leave ordination of -Presbyterians for Gay • lesbians and gay men to Concerns organizes • the discretion of regions; "More Light" Program • group of elergy and laity for local churches to • begin forming what make public declaration • would later be known as of support for lesbians • the GLAD Alliance. • A C 11 Ch and gay men. -appe a orus -Re". Paul Abels, for lesbian and gay y openly gay UMC pastor, . members of the Church is denied reappointment of Christ is founded in to his New York City • Houston, Texas. church by bishop. . -Brethren/Mennonite Annual conference over-Council for Gay Con-rides bishop's decision, . cerns founded by Mar-and Abels is reappointed. • tin Rock. Ch . " d -American Friends Ser-• -nstzanzty an vice Committee includes . Crisis publishes special gay men and lesbians in . issue on "coming out." the affirmative action statement for employ-. 1980 ment policy.-Letha Scanzoni and Virginia Mollenkott . -National Gay publish Is the Homo-• Pentecostal Alliance is sexual My Neighbor? . founded in Schenectady, -Bill Johnson organizes : New York. Maranatha, Riversiders . -John Boswell pub-for Lesbian/Gay Con-. lishes his landmark cerns at R' 'de ,IverSI . book, Christianity, Church in New York Social Tolerance, and City. • Homosexuality. -Episcopal priest and • -Seventh Day Advenwriter, Malcolm Boyd, • tists/Kinship is founded comes out publicly in • as a national organi- his book, Take Off the • zation. Masks. '1981 1979 · F' . I h -Irst natIona gat er-First national con•. f I d rng 0 new y renameference of gay/lesbian · U . d Ch h C l't' mte urc oa 1 IOnseminarians held at · for Lesbian/Gay Con-Union Theological • h ld' R h te cerns e rn oc es r,Seminary. • New York. -Joan Clark, UMC · -Debra Peevey and deaconness and staff of · Christine Leslie, openlyBoard of Global Minis• 1 b' rd' d' , lVl' • es lan, are 0 arne rn tries women s Division, • th D' . I f Ch . t acknowledges that she is' e ISCIP es 0 rIS . -Two Friends (Quaked a lesbian and is fired : women celebrate the from her church position. • Friends Meeting in The momentum of the lesbian/gay Christian movement • Seattle. • swelled with the strategic public "coming out" of several • lesbian/gay Christians. While some of these persons suI• -Universal Fellowship • fered few repercussions for their public statements, others • of Metropolitan Com-• paid a significant price. David Sindt, openly gay Pres• munity Churches applies : byterian minister, received a call to be on the staff of a • for admission to the • local church, only to have that call vetoed by the Pres• National Council of • bytery of Chicago in 1973. Two other Presbyterians suI• Churches. • fered a similar backlash in the 1970s. Bill Silver, semi- I . h b • narian at Union Theological Seminary in New York, was • -nszg t, ecomes an • denied ordination for his public declaration. Another • ecumenical journal of . seminarian, Sandy Brawders, came out publicly on the • lesbian/gay opinion. . floor of General Assembly and found her scholarship at • -Brian McNaught . Princeton Seminary revoked. A reporter for the news• publishes A Disturbed • paper of the Detroit Catholic diocese, Brian McNaught, • Peace. . came out in a column he wrote in 1975. McNaught was • : subsequently fired from the newspaper. 1982 One of the most celebrated cases was that of Joan : • Clark, deaconness and staff of the Women's Division of • the United Methodist Board of Global Ministries. Joan's • public announcement of being a lesbian initially drew • Aff' G d Le -rrm: ays an s-: support from the division, but as the public outcry grew, • b' f th U 'ted Ians 0 em' she was fired. Her attempts to be reinstated were • Church of Canada is • repeatedly denied. • founded in Montreal as These cases were among the most prominent in the • national network of public eye because the individuals chose to appeal their • regional groups of . cases in the public forum. However, throughout the past . lesbians and gay men. : 25 years, there have been a multitude of cases which . Affirm establishes . never became publicly known-where lesbians and gay . Friends of Affirm for . men were dismissed from church staff positions or denied . ordination, even removed from membership in local . others who support • churches. . goals of Affirm. . -UFMCC organizes INTERDENOMINATIONAL COOPERATION National Conference for . . Third World Les-The early years of the lesbian/gay Christian movement • were marked by the development of organizations within . bian/Gay Christians, • denominations. While the leaders of these denominational which draws 75 . groups knew and communicated with each other, there . participants. . were few efforts at denominational cooperation. . -UMC bishop Melvin As these fledgling organizations matured in the late • Wheatley appoints . 1970s, new energy was devoted to working together across • openly gay pastor, • denominational lines. One of the first efforts at such • Julian Rush, to Denver • cooperation was a series of conferences for lesbian/gay • congregation and writes • seminarians which were held in 1979-1981. • a pastoral letter to Another effort at coalition building was the Strategy • . Conference on Homophobia in the Churches, which was • pastors explaining his • facilitated by the Quixote Center in Mt. Rainier in 1979. • decision and saying that : This eventually resulted in the organization of the l.es• homosexuality is not a • bian/Gay Intedaith Alliance in 1982. As part of this • sin. Charges are filed : effort a gay Catholic journal, Insight, became an ecu. against Wheatley in the • menical journal. However, political differences, shifting . church's judicial system • priorities, and conflicting demands led to the demise of . and later dismissed. • the Intedaith Alliance and Insight magazine within a • -Ann Holmes, openly • couple of years. Ecumenical cooperation has continued · lesbian, is ordained by • informally, but a structured forum for such efforts has • not be reconstructed. · the Potomac Association • · of the UCc. • -Seventeen lesbian/gay • • 1983 . -Lutherans Concerned • begm's "Reconciled in . Christian organizations . • Christ" program for • send representatives to • the American Con-• -Gay People in Chris-• local churches, modeled • tian Science/Chicago • after the Presbyterian • ference of Lesbian/Gay Christians in Wash-• convene the first-ever na-: More Light Program. . DC M' • tional conference of : -Governing Board of • rngton, .. eetrng • gay/lesbian Christian . the National Council of • leads to founding of the • • Scientists. • Churches votes to "postLesbian/Gay Interfaith • -First national con-• pone indefinitely" any ~ Alliance later that year. : ference of Affrrm' h 1 vote on t e app ication • (United Church of • of the UFMCC to join ~ • Canada) is held in • the council. • Vancouver. • Open Hands 12 1987 1988 -First national con--United Church of vocation of Reconciling . Canada adopts policy Congregations held in stating that sexual orien-Chicago, Illinois. tation is not a factor in -Second National ordination. "All persons March on Washington regardless of their sexual for Lesbian/Gay Rights . orientation, who profess draws estimated 500,000 . faith in Jesus Christ and participants. . obedience to him, are -SDA/Kinship is sued welcome to be or be-by the General Con-come members of the ference of the Seventh United Church. All Day Adventists for use members of the church of the trademark name are eligible to be con"Seventh Day Adven-sidered for the ministry." tist." -John McNeill is ex-First official Friends . pelled from the Society (Quaker) ceremony for a of Jesus (Jesuit order) same-sex couple to be for his continued mincalled a "marriage" istry with the gay occurs in New York commlUlity. City. Four more mar· -Chris Glaser's Unriages occur later that common Calling is year. published. -Dignity places full--United Church of page ad in Newsweek Christ holds national magazine. consultation on place- U.S. Catholic bishops · ment of lesbian/gay begin prohibiting Digclergy. nity chapters from -The Second Ston(~ nameeting on church proptional newspaper for erty due to Vatican lesbian/gay Christians, directive. · begins publishing in New Orleans. adopts "Open and America study states commlUlity. Affirming" resolution that the church can . -First international 1989 calling on all congrega-"neither absolutely con-: convention of Brethtions to publicly declare : demn nor ignore nor . ren/Mennonite COlUlcil themselves open to les-praise and affirm homo-: for Lesbian and Gay -UUA General bians and gay men. sexuality." Suggests that : Concerns takes place in Assembly approves ---="God, Gays and the "many more of our con-: Chicago. "Welcoming Congrega-Gospel: This Is Our gregations can extend a . · tion" program. Story," a one-hour tele-welcome, withhold judg-: -Bill Johnson is elected vision documentary, is ment, and offer pastoral : · a program secretary of released by UFMCC. support" to gay and les-: · the United Church -First issue of Manna bian persons. • · Board of Homeland for the Journey is pub- Ministries... lished (name later changed to Open , Hands). AIDS TAKES ITS TOLL As the AIDS epidemic came to the forefront of the lesbian/gay community in the 1980s, it, of course, had a great impact on the lesbian/gay Christian movement. Many of the lesbian/gay Christian organizations began devoting resources and energies to adv()cating AIDS ministries within their denominations and to initiating their own ministries. Not surprisingly, the AIDS epidemic has also taken a toll in the death of a number of gay men who have been leaders in the movement. Michael Collins and Richard Cash were early leaders in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. David Sindt, founder of Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns; James Tinney, founder of the Pentecostal Coalition for Human Rights and Faith Temple in Washington, D.C.; and James Sandmire, UFMCC pastor and leader, are among the gay/lesbian Christian leaders who have died of AIDS. 1984 -UMC General Conference adopts church law which bars "selfavowed, practicing homosexuals" from ordained ministry. -Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns invites local congregations to declare themselves "Reconciling Congregations." -National Gay Pentecostal Alliance begins production of cable TV program "The Lord Is My Shepherd, and He Knows I'm Gay" in Schenectady. -Evangelical social action magazine, The Other Side, publishes special issue on homosexuality. 1985 -Emergence is organized as national umbrella for gay/lesbian Christian Scientists. -UCC General Synod BUILDING A GRASS-ROOTS MOVEMENT One of the significant developments in the lesbian/gay • Christian movement in the 1980s has been the rapid • growth of networks of congregations supporting les• bian/gay concerns. Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns began the More Light Program in 1978 as a vehicle • for local churches to dissent from the General Assembly's • adoption of a minority report from its Study Commission • on Homosexuality; that minority report held the line • against a more open stance on lesbian/gay concerns. The name for the program was taken from the majority re• port, which asked local churches "to seek more light" on • the subject of homosexuality. Recognizing that much of the impetus for social • change is always generated from grass-roots movements, • other denominational groups adopted the More Light • model in the 1980s. Lutherans Concerned initiated the • Reconciled in Christ Program and Affirmation (United • Methodists) began the Reconciling Congregation Program • in 1983 and 1984, respectively. The United Church Coali• tion for Lesbian/Gay Concerns prevailed upon the UCC General Synod to adopt a denominationally sponsored • Open and Affirming program in 1985. The GLAD AI• liance (Disciples of Christ) have joined in the Open and • Affirming efforts. The Unitarian Univeralist Association (UUA) initiated the second denominationally sponsored program with the • Welcoming Congregation Program in 1989. This program • manifests the maturation of these programs and long• standing support for lesbian/gay concerns within the • UUA with its 10-point guidelines which congregations • have to adopt in order to become Welcoming Congregations. 1986 -Father John McNeill, S.J., receives order from . . Vatican to cease all -Lutheran Church in . ministry with the gay 13 Sustaining The Spirit 4. Leaving Home / Coming Home / Creating Family • L: We are God's people! · P: God's good peoplelesbian women, gay men, bisexuals, and those who stand in solidarity with us. • L: We are God's people! · P: God's beautiful peoplebrown as the earth; pale as moonlight; black as the night sky; red as the sunset; golden as sunlight-We are God's living rainbow. • L: We are God's people! · P: Dancing God's seasonschildren who skip to a wordless tune; young people who Inove to new rhythms each day; adults who march and wheel to the steady beat of a distinctly different drummer; and those elders who've danced all the other dances and now step securely in well-chosen waltz-time. • L: We are God's people! · P: A family like no otherand all like family to each other. We leave home to come home to create family. • L: We are God's people and yet we found "home" to be .......a place of Exodus-a wilderness place where we cannot rest. · P: Because "home" was anger, abandonment, abuse, and denial; "home" was closeted, painful, and oppressive; "home" was unhealthy, uncomfortable, unloving, and unkind; "home" was rejection, guilt, damage, and brokenness. L: And this wilderness home, this place of anguish, is a place that we should only pass through on the road to the new "home"...the "home" just barely visible and still being imagined by spirited souls full of possibility. P: We taste the new home at table-fellowship with our spiritual sisters and brothers, who in our religious communities become the family we cry with, callout to, laugh with, hug, hold, and celebrate with on our special days. L: We people that new home with friends who know our stories...parents who move beyond rejection ...partners who share our dreams. P: We hear that new home in the laughter of children: our daughters and sons, nieces and nephews, sisters and brothers, cousins and grandchildren, L: We feel that new home in the quiet presence we bring to those suffering with AIDS, their partners, families, and friends...sharing what we have: our time, our talent, our prayers. P: we vision our new home in the breaking down of the old and the building up of the new-our new home is furnished with our stories and heroes, role models and martyrs, heroines and heroes, parades and protests, rituals and affirmations, blessings and family reunions. L: We are your people, 0 God! P: We are your people, 0 God! And when we come home to you, you know us as your people. Amen...and amen! Litany written by members of Mid-Atlantic Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns for the Washington metropolitan • area's 1988 interfaith Gay and Lesbian Pride service, merging ideas from dinner following an Affirmation worship service. __~ Open Hands' 14 · Open to Ught that Reconciles: weal Churches in Ministry by Kristan Burkert We limit not the truth of God to our poor reach of mind-by notions of our day and sect-crude, partial, and confined. No, let a new and better hope within our hearts be stirred, for God hath yet more light and truth to break forth from the Word. 1 P astor John Robinson asked for "yet more light" in 1620. His words took on deeper meaning and significance when quoted by his Presbyterian descendants in 1976. In that year, the V nited Presbyterian Church proposed a churchwide study on homosexuality, seeking "more light" on this subject, particularly as it related to ordination of church officers. The study was completed and presented in 1978. Despite favorable resolutions related to civil rights, outreach, education, and dialogue, lesbian/gay persons were left in the shadows. Homosexuality was declared to be a sin, and ordination was denied to gay men and lesbians seeking to take lay and clergy leadership roles in their denomination. Yet, at the same time, a movement was born. Presbyterian congregations dissatisfied with their denomination's stand began to adopt resolutions announcing their intention to include gay men and lesbians in their membership and their leadership. These local churches called themselves "More Light" congregations. V nited Methodists faced the same kind of setback in 1984 when their national governing body voted that "selfavowed practicing homosexuals" could not be ordained as clergy. With the Presbyterian concept of "More Light" churches as a pattern, the "Reconciling Congregation" program came into being that same year. For Presbyterians and Vnited Methodists, national church statements were a catalyst for organizing a "loyal opposition" movement that gave explicit welcome to gay men and lesbians. Other denominations followed different paths, but each local church movement addressed the same question: are lesbians and gay men welcome to worship as full participants in the Body of Christ? Lutherans began the "Reconciled in Christ" (RIC) program in 1983. John Ballew, then president of Lutherans Concerned, wrote an "Affirmation of Welcome" to gay men and lesbians that has become the centerpiece of the RIC program. "Open and Mfirming" congregations of the V nited Church of Christ (VCC ) are the first local churches to welcome lesbians and gay men as part of a denominationally sponsored program. In 1985, the VCC's General Synod called on local congregations to declare themselves "open and affirming" of their lesbian/gay and bisexual members. This support has been influential, and yet the congregational polity of the V CC means that this denomination also sees the welcome mat laid out one church at a time. (Disciples of Christ congregations in "covenanting" relationships with VCC congregations have become "Open and Affirming" congregations at the same time. A parallel movement of the same name is beginning in that denomination.) The most recent movement is the Vnitarian Vniversalist Association's (VVA's) program of "Welcoming Congregations," adopted by that denomination in April 1989 after more than two years of preparation and study. V nlike other programs where each congregation declares its welcome of lesbians and gay men, deciding for itself how that might be embodied, the VVA program includes a 10-point definition and 10 measurable criteria for a local church to examine before being recognized as a "Welcoming Congregation." All of these programs have learned from and built upon each other. Ecumenical cooperation is evident. By being the first such program, the "More Light" effort has provided an inspiration and model for other groups to adapt to their own situations. The "More Light" flyer recommends Open Hands, the journal of the Reconciling Congregation program. The Lutheran program coordinator circulates the V nited Methodist video, "Casting Out Fear," and reports being contacted by members of the V nited Church of Canada who want to start a similar congregational program. One VVA article mentions assistance received from the "Reconciled in Christ" program in its planning process. V CC leaders cite learning from the "Reconciling Congregation" program about the value of convocations bringing together church members already committed to gay/lesbian ministries with those just beginning to explore. Denominational differences flavor the emphases of each program. Presbyterians, with yearly national conventions, have a political focus less prominent in other programs. They also face a major barrier since some elected lay offices in local churches are ordained positions. A ruling of the denomination's judicial body in 1985 makes the "More Light" stand a form of "ecclesiastical disobedience." The VCC's liberal national leadership has given us the first picture of a denominational president giving active public support for affirming ministries with gay /lesbian people. The VVA, which has supported lesbian/gay rights for 20 years, is giving us the first program that emphasizes that a congregation's welcome is shown by its actions, not primarily by its words in the form of a resolution. Despite differences, these programs understand themselves to be parallel phenomena. One Presbyterian flyer explains simply that "More Light" churches are "called Reconciling Congregations in the Vnited Methodist Church." Each program reflects a common goal to extend a full welcome to gay men and lesbians seeking to be part of a worshiping congregation. The decision-making process and the importance of study are emphasized in every program. Congregations are invited to explore and encouraged to take time to study. Real growth and change is the goal, not simply a quick favorable vote. A humble spirit can be seen between the - Winter 1990 15 • lines; true respect for others, including those still trapped • in homophobic attitudes, is evident. · A Home for Over the years, church members working for greater ac• ceptance of lesbian, gay, and bisexual people have found • that "putting a face on the issue" is the most effective way to change hearts and minds. People unwilling to ex• amine the "issue" of homosexuality find themselves • touched by the life of the person next to them in the pew: • a person who is gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Attitudes • change because of direct experience with the lives of faithful gay men, lesbians, and bisexual persons. This happens most easily at the local church level. The ques• tion "would you welcome a gay man or lesbian as a • member of this congregation?" might have been answered • "no" until a lesbian or gay man is known by name: • "Susan" or "Joe," who says hello to me each week or sings so faithfully with the choir. The abstract question of welcome becomes specific and attitudes are stretched. It is harder to close the door on someone you already have • come to know and love. The first churches in each program were churches • where the issue was not new: churches with visible • lesbian/gay members and sometimes with special • ministries to the gay/lesbian communities in which they were located. Not every program emphasizes the actions : that follow a decision to welcome gay men and lesbians. : Growth is ongoing, however, and congregations take a • variety of steps to embody the commitment in their • words. Some celebrate "gay pride" week; same-sex couples, • are listed in the church directory as couples; space is pro• vided for gay/lesbian positive organizations such as de• nominational caucus groups or Parents and Friends of : lesbians and Gays. Churches announce their status as "Reconciling," "More Light," "Welcoming," "Open and • Affirming," or "Reconciled in Christ" congregations on • their bulletin boards and in their advertising; many work • to share the good news of their experiences with neighbor• ing congregations. The study process and self-examination that a con: gregation experiences in deciding to give an explicit • welcome to gay men and lesbians is a time of soul search• ing about important issues of faith as well as sexuality. It • is not easy. Questions arise: How are we assured that we • are acceptable to God? What does it mean to be a sexual • being created by God? Do we really believe that faith : alone is necessary for salvation? Often, grace is discovered • in a new way. Congregations experience a revival as • spiritual lives are deepened. Congregations that have taken the steps to affiliate with • one of these programs believe that the church as a whole • should have a welcoming attitude toward lesbians and gay : men and the gifts that they bring to the church in their • participation. They are willing to step out front with that belief, sometimes hoping to guide the rest of the church • along that way, sometimes simply secure that they are doing the right thing, the loving thing, by welcoming • everyone to their church. ~ Reference 1. Words adapted from those of Rev. John Robinson, 1620. Kristan Burkert is a United Methodist in Portland, Oregon, who looks forward to worshiping regularly in a congregation like the ones she heard about while researching this article. :a eby Freda Smith I was born into a fundamentalist Christian sect in -'----.. .. -. -~ lesbian/Gay Evangelicals · . rural America. I had no awareness of homosexuality until the truth of my sexual orientation was so ap• parent I could no longer fight with it, attempt to pray it • away, or distance myself from my own identity. In this I : am no different from hundreds of thousands of indivi• duals today. Today, as was true in my young years of self-discovery, · the evangelical tradition continues to offer its gay/lesbian • children "stones instead of bread" and "serpents instead • of fish" (Mt. 7:9-10). Almost without exception, the evan: gelical tradition within the United States remains hostile and condemning of the gay/lesbian lifestyle. Two examples show the extremes common among evangelicals: The pastor of Sacramento's largest evangelical church, in declining an invitation to join in an ecumenical • prayer vigil on behalf of persons with AIDS, wrote, "God does not listen to the prayers of practicing gays and les• bians." Meanwhile, a major televangelist proclaimed on • national TV concerning a ministry to gay men and lesbians: "Thank God, this vile and satanic system will one • ?ay be ut~rly annihilated and there will be a celebration m heaven. Choosing to ignore the core of Jesus' teaching and their : own tradition of "salvation by grace through faith" (Eph. • 2:8), and insisting on wresting a very few verses out of context, the traditional evangelical church pressures its lesbian/gay children into heterosexual marriage or loveless celibacy-threatening them with exposure, rejection, and • ruin-in the name of Christ. Yet many gay men and lesbians try to stay within the traditional evangelical churches. But why? Why do they struggle to hold onto a faith that so soundly rejects them? Because, for many, the fervor and joy inherent in the evangelical tradition of worship, the absorption in a study of "born again" power, and the felt presence of the Spirit of God is the foundation of their world view. Open Hands 16 ::---.. ---r ------r .. -; ""Q5-.It is thus not surprising that a new denomination, the -,--.~. Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC), has appeared with such strength in the last two decades. Perhaps it should be surprising that no one before Troy Perry, a former pentecostal Church of God of Prophecy clergy, did what was (in the words of UFMCC's Rev. Elder Nancy Wilson) "a typically American Protestant thing, .. .instead of begging an oppressive church to tolerate us ... he started a new church ... and called us ...to stand up for the fact that gays and lesbians do not need outside spiritual authority to make us whole or spiritual." On October 6, 1968, Rev. Perry placed an advertisement in The Advocate, a gay news magazine, inviting gay men and lesbians to join him in worship. In the 21 years since that first meeting, UFMCC congregations have circled the globe and have become a force to be reckoned with in dialogue with the U.S. National Council of Churches. At first, the UFMCC was seen as a temporary religious movement "in business to work its way out of business." The view was that, once existing churches had been challenged on their patently un-Christian view of lesbians and gay men, all lesbian/gay Christians would return to-or come out in-the church of their origins. Over time, however, the UFMCC has come to see itself as a denomination in its own right. The fellowship's Rev. Janet Pierce has described our ministry in this way: "[UFMCC] has its roots in the evangelical tradition, but it has been tempered by the oppression experienced by most of its members in society and Church ... while the Bible is central and divinely inspired, it is not an inerrant transmission directly from God .... It is closer to [mainline churches] in its view of the authority of scripture, but closer to the [evangelical] in its emphasis on scripture." Winter 1990 Prophetically then, the UFMCC has been what it was originally proclaimed to be-and more. Congregations within our church are made up of both lesbian/gay and nongay persons. Issues of inclusive language, ministry of the laity, catastrophic illnesses, and ministries with people of color have equal emphasis with issues of sexual identity. A recent pamphlet offers this overview: "A church which proclaims liberation for all, a church which extends its ministry to persons of all races and backgrounds, to young and old alike, to rich and poor, a church which welcomes Gays, Lesbians and heterosexuals to worship together, to witness and serve together." T Reverend Elder Freda Smith is vice moderator of the Governing Board of Elders of the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches. Evangelical Christians are a widely varied group-ranging, for example, from the charismatic Pentecostalists to Fundamentalists who oppose charismatic religion as contrary to the gospel. Not surprisingly, this diversity of perspective and experience exists among lesbian/gay evangelicals just as it does among evangelicals in general. The breadth of organizations serving lesbian/gay evangelical Christians reflects this diversity, with the UFMCC only the largest of these groups. Some organizations are denominationally oriented (for example, Seventh-Day Adventist Kinship) or aimed at a particular strain of evangelicalism (such as the National Gay Pentecostal Alliance). Evangelicals Concerned, a national group with local chapters across the United States, gives particular emphasis to promoting dialogue with evangelical congregations, to countering the claims of religious "ex-gay" movements, and to ministering to the needs of persons who have been hurt by those movements. Addresses for these and other lesbian/gay Christian organizations can be found in the "Resources" section on page 19. 17 • I. \ \ ,. L . Third WJrld lesbian/Gay Christians . by Carolyn Mobley ,,-;, / /' ,/ ./ W~/, here are Third World lesbian/gay Christians? .;/ ;/ What are their religious and spiritual needs? Where and how do they worship? I have been asked these questions many times by various M CC (Metropolitan Community Church) pastors and friends in Dignity and other lesbian/gay religious /<~, groups. My answer isn't too profound---=-'I don't know." I ...; ~ / can only speak for myself and share with you my journey, my observations, and my reasons for my choices. I was born into a black educated Christian family. My maternal grandfather was a Baptist preacher. My mother and three of her siblings were educators. Most of my uncles, aunts, and cousins were all active church folks. I became a Christian at the age of 10 and excelled in church activities. Before I entered high school, I was aware that I was drawn to girls in a special way. But I was also aware that my family, church, and community expected me to act just the opposite of what I felt. So I tried to please everyone. I promised God and myself that I would not act on my homosexual or lesbian feelings. I went off to college to earn a degree in religious education and returned home to begin my career in church work. At this time I also decided that I was old enough (I was 22) to become sexually active. During the next year and a half I explored my sexual feelings for women. : I soon realized that it was time for me to move away from home, so I came to Atlanta to earn a seminary degree in Christian education and to continue my career in the church as a religious educator. Around that time I happened to read an article in a major news magazine about Rev. Troy Perry and a church in California for homosexuals. I found the idea fascinating and wanted to know more about such a church. Then I discovered that in one of my classes (at a predominantly black seminary) was a white gay man who was the associate pastor of MCC Atlanta. How providential that God would set this up! Rev. Jim Snow and I became good friends. While I remained an active member of the Southern Baptist church where I was working, I also began visiting MCC Atlanta from time to time. When I graduated from seminary in 1976 and began work as a Baptist home missionary, I was also beginning a new relationship with a woman who was an active member of MCC Atlanta. During these early years (1976 to 1981), I felt I was the only person of color in MCC Atlanta. I felt peripheral to the whole MCC movement because I did not see other people of color involved in MCC. This began to change in 1982 when I attended a national Conference for Third World Lesbian/Gay Christians in Washington, D.C. The conference was sponsored by MCC and led by Rev. Renee McCoy, Rev. Delores Berry, and other people of color in MCC. There were about 75 of us-many from MCC, but also others from other religious groups. We talked about the different parts of ourselves-being black, being gay, and being Christian. We shared our experience of always being a:sK.~U to reject a part of ourselves-white folks didn't want us to be black, black folks didn't want us to be gay, even our gay friends couldn't understand why we held onto our Christian faith. We found networks of support around the country. Rev. Renee McCoy had begun an MCC congregation in Harlem. There was a group that was beginning to worship together in Chicago. Rev. James Tinney had begun the Pentecostal Coalition for Human Rights in Washington, D.C. A sense of solidarity in the movement of Third World lesbian/gay Christians was beginning to form. The next year Jim Tinney invited me to sing at a revival service in Washington, D.C. This was the kickoff for a new congregation, Faith Temple, which he founded there. I began attending MCC General Conferences and had other opportunities to work together with my newly found colleagues. For the first time I began to feel that I had found community, that I had found a home. Presently, there is a strong movement of people of color in MCC-blacks, Asians, and Latinos. MCC's Department of Third World Ministries represents that movement and leads a worship service and workshops on racism at MCC general conferences. Other congregations are beginning to form around the country, including a new congregation in Detroit led by Rev. Renee McCoy. The evidence of change can also be seen in MCC Atlanta. After my 14 years of involvement, MCC Atlanta is finally show-• ing a growth in the participation of people of color. Why has this change taken so long? My own speculation is that we, black gay/ lesbian Christians, have found it more important to hold onto the familiarity of black culture and black worship, even in the midst of the homophobia prevalent in our churches, than to ideI;ltify fully as gay men and lesbians. This is still true for the larger number of our sisters and brothers now. But we are • moving toward the time when we can be as equally proud of our gayness as we are of our blackness. White gay men • and lesbians haven't had to deal with the discomfort of being white. We have had the disparity of struggling first to affirm our blackness and then move on to affirm our gayness. That's where we are today; that's the challenge we face as Third World lesbian/gay Christians. T Carolyn Mobley is a Florida-born black lesbian living in Atlanta. During the 1980s she worked in the secular com-• munity. She is re-entering full-time Christian ministry in the 1990s as openly lesbian to use her gifts in worship and music in Christian conferences, revivals, and church retreats. Open Hands 18 Resources LJ National Lesbian/Gay Denominational Organizations Descriptive text below was provided by organizations who responded to requests for information. Affirm: Gays and Lesbians of the United Church of Canada Box 34458, Station "D," Vancouver, British Columbia V6J 4L6 "A worshipping community celebrating the Biblical and theological liberation which recognizes lesbian and gay people as members of the whole people of God. It is the purpose of this group to affirm gay and lesbian people within the United Church of Canada, provide a network of support among regional groups, act as a point of contact for individuals, and speak to the church in a united fashion encouraging it to act prophetically and pastorally both within and beyond the church structure." Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons P.O. Box 46022, Los Angeles, CA 90046 213 / 255-7251 Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204 312/475-0499 "A churchwide, inclusive community of lesbians and gay men, bisexuals, and heterosexuals who affirm the presence of all persons, regardless of affectionallsexual orientation, in the United Methodist Church. We serve both as a network for justice-seeking ministries and as a personal support network for lesbian and gay United Methodists." American Baptists Concerned 872 Erie St., Oakland, CA 94610 415/465-8652 "A fellowship of both gay and nongay Christians working to foster within our church (American Baptist Churches in the USA) a community of understanding, justice, and reconciliation for all women and men regardless of their sexual orientation or affectional preference. Our hope is to persuade the ABCUSA to face honestly, aggressively, and forthrightly the questions and needs of gay people within the church and also those driven from the church by its lack of understanding." Axios-Eastern & Orthodox Christian Gay Men & Women 328 W. 17th St., #4-F, New York, NY lOon 2121989-2595 Winter 1990 Brethren/Mennonite Council for Lesbian & Gay Concerns P.O. Box 65724, Washington, DC 20035 202/462-2595 "Founded in 1976 to provide support for Brethren and Mennonite gay people, their parents, spouses, relatives, and friends; to foster dialogue between gay and nongay people in the churches; and to provide accurate information about homosexuality from the social sciences, biblical studies, and theology." Dignity, Inc. (Roman Catholic) 1.500 Massachusetts Ave. NW, #11, Washinl:,rton, DC 20015 202/ 861-0017 "A national organization of gay Roman Catholics, their familie5, and their friends. It provides spiritual affirmation for gay Catholics through no chapters across the country and works within the Roman Catholic Church for reassessment and renewal of its sexual theology." Emergence International: Christian Scientists Supporting Lesbians and Gay Men P.O. Box 581, Kentfield, CA 94914 415/ 485-1881 "We are apolitical; we honor the integrity of individual growth and provide a healing and reinforcing environment of safety and affirmation to help people deal with homophobia and heterosexism in and out of the Church." Evangelicals Concerned c/o Dr. Ralph Blair, 3n E. 72nd Street, Suite I-G, New York, NY 10021 212/ 517-3171 Friends for Lesbian/Gay Concerns (Quakers) P.O. Box 222, Sumneytown, PA 18084 "An association of lesbian, gay, and nongay Friends (Quakers) who seek spiritual community within the Religious Society of Friends. From this fellowship, we seek to know that of God within ourselves and others and to express God's truth in both the Quaker and lesbian/gay communities, as it is made clear to us." Gay, Lesbian, and Affirming Disciple Alliance -GLAD Alliance P.O. Box 19223, Indianapolis, IN 46219 Hotline numbers: 2061725-7001, 707/823-6517 "We are gay, lesbian, bisexual, and affirming laity, clergy, and friends from Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) congregations within the United States and Canada. Our alliance strives to maintain a visible presence within the denomination through annual retreats, a quarterly newsletter, regional contact persons, an Open and Affirming Congregation program, and activities and advocacy at regional and general assemblies." Integrity, Inc. (Episcopal) P.O. Box 19561, Washington, DC 20036 212/ 942-3686 "The Episcopal Church's lesbian and gay ministry. The organization is open to all who support gay and lesbian rights in the EpiscopallAnglican Church. Members include several bishops. Integrity's goal is to bring the church to the lesbian and gay community and to bring the lesbian and gay community to the church." Lutherans Concerned P.O. Box 10461, Ft. Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL 60610 313/ 353-8329 National Gay Pentecostal Alliance P.O. Box 1391, Schenectady, NY 12301 "A Oneness Pentecostal fellowship. Our purpose is to establish a network of churches where gay and lesbian Christians may worship in Spirit and in Tmth without fear of condemnation on the basis of sexual orientation. Membership is open to all. NGPA is divided into four departments: Lighthouse Ministries (outreach and evangelism), Pentecostal Bible Institute (offers ministerial training in Schenectady or by correspondence), Foreign Missions, and Home Missions. Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns James D. Anderson, Communications Secretary, P.O. Box 38, New Brunswick, NJ 08903 2011846-1510; 2011932-7501 "We seek full membership, including ordination, for lesbian and gay Christians in the Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.). We meet annually with the church's General Assembly, in regional conferences, and locally in 20 ~hapters around the country." Reformed Church in America Gay Caucus P.O. Box 8174, Philadelphia, PA 19101 Seventh-day Adventist Kinship International P.O. Box 3840, Los Angeles, CA 90078 East: 617/436-5950; west: 213/876-2076 Sovereignty (Jehovah's Witnesses) P.O. Box 27242, Santa Ana, CA 92799 Unitarian Universalists for Lesbian & Gay Concerns 25 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108 6171742-2100 United Church Coalition for Lesbian/ Gay Concerns 18 N. College S1., Athens, OH 45701 614/ 593-7301 "A recognized special interest group of the United Church of Christ, committed to ministry with and justice for lesbian, gay, and bisexual United Church members. their families, and friends." 19 Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches 5300 Santa Monica Blvd., Ste. 304, Los Angeles, CA 90029 213/464-5100 "An ecumenical Christian denomination of 250 congregations in 14 countries with a primary outreach to the lesbian and gay community. The UFMCC promotes individual spiritual development and is committed to principles of social justice including the elimination of poverty, illness, sexism, racism, and homophobia." Local Congregations Publicly Welcoming Lesbians and Gay Men Since 1978, congregations in several Protestant denominations have been invited to publicly welcome the full participation of lesbians and gay men. There are now 170 More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Mfirming (Disciples of Christ and United Church of Christ), Reconciled in Christ (lutheran), and Reconciling (United Methodist) congregations. Following is a complete list of these congregations, given alphabetically by state and city. The affiliation of each congregation is designated by the following codes: ML More Light (Presbyterian) ONA Open and Mfirming (Disciples and UCC) RIC Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran) RC Reconciling Congregation (United Methodist) ARIWNA Tucson S1. Francis in the Foothills UMC (RC) CALIFORNIA Alameda First Christian (ONA) First Congregational (ONA) Albany Albany UMC (RC) Altadena Altadena Congregational (ONA) Christ the Good Shepherd lutheran (RIC) Baldwin Park First Presbyterian (ML) Berkeley Berkeley & Richmond Intercity Ministry (ONA) Shepherd of the Hills Lutheran (RIC) Trinity UMC (RC) University lutheran Chapel (RIC) Fresno Wesley UMC (RC) Larkspur Redwoods Presbyterian (ML) Los Angeles Crescent Heights UMC (RC) United University (ML,RC) West Hollywood Presbyterian (ML) Wilshire UMC (RC) Marin City St. Andrews Presbyterian (ML) Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC (RC) Modesto College Avenue Congregational (ONA) North Hollywood S1. Matthew's Lutheran (RIC) Oakland Faith American lutheran (RIC) lutheran Peace Fellowship (RIC) Montclair Presbyterian (ML) Peace UCC (ONA) S1. Paul's lutheran (RIC) Palo Alto Covenant Presbyterian (ML) First Presbyterian (ML) University lutheran (RIC) Richmond Grace Lutheran (RIC) Sacramento lutheran Church of Our Redeemer (RIC) San Francisco Bethany UMC (RC) Calvary UMC (RC) Christ lutheran (RIC) First Congregational (ONA) First United lutheran (RIC) Hamilton UMC (RC) Noe Valley Ministry (ML) Seventh Avenue Presbyterian (ML) St. Francis lutheran (RIC) S1. Mark's lutheran (RIC) St. Paulus lutheran (RIC) Trinity UMC (RC) San Jose Christ/Good Shepherd lutheran (RIC) San Mateo College Heights UCC (ONA) San Rafael Faith lutheran (RIC) Santa Barbara La Mesa Community (ONA) Santa Monica The Church in Ocean Park (RC) Sausalito First Presbyterian (ML) Sebastopol Church of the Reconciliation (ONA) SUlUlyvale St. John's lutheran (RIC) Tiburon Westminster Presbyterian (ML) Vacaville St. Paul's UMC (RC) COWRADO Boulder First Congregational (ONA) Denver S1. Paul's UMC (RC) Fort Collins S1. Thomas University Chapel (RIC) CONNECTICUT New Haven Church of Christ in Yale Univ. (ONA) United ChUrch on the Green (ONA) DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington, D.C. Augustana lutheran (RIC) Church of the Reformation (RIC) Christ UMC (RC) Community of Christ lutheran (RIC) Dumbarton UMC (RC) First Congregational (ONA) Westminster Presbyterian (ML) GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC (RC) FWRIDA Tampa St. Timothy lutheran (RIC) ILLINOIS Carbondale Church of the Good Shepherd (ONA) Champaign McKinley Memorial Presbyterian (ML) S1. Andrew's lutheran (RIC) Chicago Albany Park UMC (RC) Christ. the Mediator lutheran (RIC) Irving Park UMC (RC) Lake View lutheran (RIC) Lincoln Park Presbyterian (ONA) Maywood House Church (RIC) Resurrection lutheran (RIC) United Church of Rogers Park (RC) University UCC (ONA) Wellington Avenue UCC (ONA) DeKalb University UMC (RC) Evanston Hemenway UMC (RC) Wheadon UMC (RC) Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC (RC) Good Shepherd lutheran (RIC) • KANSAS Mission ecumenikos (ML) • KENTUCKY Louisville Central Presbyterian (ML) • WUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC (RC) • MARYLAND Baltimore First & Franklin Presbyterian (ML) St. John's UMC (RC) St. Mark's lutheran (RIC) Waverly Presbyterian (ML) Lmham Good Samaritan lutheran (RIC) Rockville Rockville Presbyterian (ML) MASSACHUSETfS Amherst First Congregational (ONA) South Congregational (ONA) Boston Church of the Covenant (ONA,ML) Church of the United Community (ONA) Cambridge University lutheran (RIC) Framingham Grace UCC (ONA) Shrewsbury M1. Olivet lutheran (RIC) Wendell Wendell UCC (ONA) Worcester United Congregational (ONA) MICHIGAN AlUl Arbor Church of the Good Shepherd (ONA) Lord of Light Lutheran (RIC) Northside Presbyterian (ML) Douglas Douglas Congregational (ONA) Ypsilanti First Congregational (ONA) MINNESOTA Edina Edina Community Lutheran (RIC) Minneapolis Community of S1. Martin (RIC) First Congregational (ONA) Grace University lutheran (RIC) Holy Trinity lutheran (RIC) Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) Our Savior's lutheran (RIC) Prospect Park UMC (RC) Spirit of the Lakes (ONA) Walker Community (RC) Wesley UMC (RC) Northfield St. Olaf College (RIC) St. Cloud lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) St. Paul St. Paul-Reformation lutheran (RIC) Open Hands 20 Wayzatta St. LIke Presbyterian (ML) MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC (RC) NEW JERSEY South Orange I."irst Presbyterian & Trinity (ML) Trenton Prospect Street Presbyterian (ML) NEW YORK Brookhaven Old South Haven Presbyterian (ML) Brooklyn Lafayette Avenue Presbyterian (ML) Park 'Slope UMC (RC) Buffalo Westminster Presbyterian (ML) Dobbs Ferry South Presbyterian (ML) Geneva North Presbyterian (ML) Grand Island Riverside Salem (ONA) Henrietta John Calvin Presbyterian (ML) Marcellus First Presbyterian (ML) New York Good Shepherd-Faith Presbyterian (ML) Grace & St. Paul's Lutheran (RIC) Metropolitan-Duane UMC (RC) Riverside (ONA) Washington Square UMC (RC) West-Park Presbyterian (ML) Oneonta First UMC (RC) Rochester Calvary St. Andrews (ML) Downtown Presbyterian (ML) Third Presbyterian (ML) Snyder Amherst Community (ONA) • NORTH DAKOfA Fargo University Lutheran Center (RIC) • OHIO Norton Grace UCC (ONA) Toledo Central UMC (RC) • OREGON Estacada Estacada UMC (RC) Portland Lutheran Campus Ministry (RIC) • PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC (RC) University Lutheran of Incarnation (RIC) • TENNESSEE Nashville Edgehill UMC (RC) • TEXAS Austin First English Lutheran (RIC) Dallas Bethany Presbyterian (ML) • VERMONT Burlington Christ Presbyterian (ML) • WASHINGIDN Chelan Fullness of God Lutheran (RIC) Mountlake Terrace Terrace View Presbyterian (ML) Olympia Community for Christ (ONA) Seattle Capitol Hill UMC (RC) Findlay Street Christian (ONA) Prospect UCC (ONA) Wallingford UMC (RC) • WISCONSIN Eau Claire University Lutheran (RIC) Madison University (RC) Milwaukee Metro Milwaukee Campus Ministry (RIC) New Hope (ONA) Village Lutheran (RIC) Sheboygan Wesley UMC (RC) Letters Dear editors, I am a new subscriber to Open Hands, and I am very pleased to say that I eagerly await each issue. I especially like the fact that your publication specifically pertains to practicing Christians who also happen to be gay and lesbian. The article "Finding My Way" in the Fall 1989 edition was a fine piece, but I found nothing relating to a Christian experience in it other than the author being befriended by a United Methodist minister. This article could just as easily have appeared in any number of gay publications. Your publication is unique in that it is intended for gay and lesbian Christians, and I hope that it doesn't try to become too "inclusive." Yours truly, Phillip G. Kuhlman West Chester, P A Winter 1990 I Dear editors, have received a couple of issues of Open Hands on my own subscription and have seen a few back issues. I have enjoyed being exposed to thought-provoking ideas and commonplace stories of people trying to make a difference individually and through their churches. But what has moved me to write was a simple little article in your last issue [Summer 89], "Back Home to the Fann". I hope you will get more people to write about being gay in rural communities. We need examples of how people deal with isolation, fear of exposure, and negative consequences. It would be great to hear how rural and small town churches are trying to make gay men and lesbians feel at home in their own churches. Our family is going through the trauma of AIDS. We have found local doctors, hospital personnel, and dentist prepared to deal with AIDS in a safe and supportive way. They have not been caught unprepared. The extended family is supportive and loving. But, sadly, we are not able to bring ourselves to use the resources of the church my husband was raised in. You probably can't remedy our cynicism or fears, but do share with us news of how small town and country churches are making all of their members welcome. Sincerely, Susan Wyoming Annual Conference (NY/PA) You are invited to exchange ideas. comments. and reactions with other readers through this new, regular feature of Open Hands. Send your letters to: Open Hands. P.O. Box 23636. Washington. D.C. 20026. -The editors 21 • • • • • Rep Report WELCOME TO 42nd RC Estacada UMC (Estacada, Oregon) Estacada is a town of about 1,000 persons located 25 miles southeast of Portland, Oregon. The Methodist church was organized at the same time as the incorporation of the town-in 1906. Church membership peaked at about 150 members in the 1950s. The church was served by its first woman pastor in 1951. A proliferation of new churches in the community and the departure of many young adults from the community in the 1970s led to a decline in membership. A keen awareness of the social implications of the Gospel has been the trademark of Estacada's mission over the past two decades. Although a small church, several of Estacada's members are actively engaged in the larger church at the district, conference, and national church levels of the UMC. Estacada voted to become a Reconciling Congregation on November 8, 1989, after an extended period of study and dialogue. The vote, taken by secret ballot, was unanimous. A service of dedication was held on December 10. Pastor B. David Williams shares some of his reflections: "Nobody had told us that it would be easy, and it hasn't! Already, though, becoming a Reconciling Congregation has been a source of blessings. Together and as individuals we're in dialogue with our community as never before about critical issues related to the Bible and to people and their pain. The media has given us sympathetic coverage. New persons have shown up for worship primarily because of our new identity, including some gay and lesbian persons and a couple who have a gay son .... "But the most rewarding part is to experience the appreciation of the gay and lesbian community, to see a mother sitting in worship with her gay son, to pick a card from a pew that says "I feel that a great weight has been lifted when I can worship in a United Methodist Church without denying who I am." 22 On January 14, Prospect Park UMC in Minneapolis voted to become the 43rd Reconciling Congregation. On February n, First UMC of Germantown in Philadelphia became the 44th. We'll introduce these two congregations in the next issue of Open Hands. RCP TESTIFIES BEFORE STUDY COMMITTEE Three representatives of the Reconciling Congregation Program testified before the UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality during its December 1989 meeting in Atlanta. Mark Bowman, program coordinator and member of Christ UMC (Washington, D.C.) related the history and purpose of the program to the committee. Reva Anderson, member of Central UMC (Toledo, Ohio), gave a stirring testimonial on a Biblical basis for reconciliation. Rev. Sally Daniel, pastor of Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC (Atlanta) told the dramatic story of the new life which the RCP awakened in her congrega tion. Also testifying during the weekend meeting were representatives of Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, the Methodist Federation for Social Action, Good News, and the Transforming Congregation Program. This meeting was the occasion for the members of the study committee to hear from different "interest groups" within the church. In other business, the committee finalized plans for collecting information and data on homosexuality and began planning for the next phase of their work-writing their report. Upcoming meetings of the study committee will be March 9-12 in Boston and August 2-5 in Chicago. Interested persons are welcome to observe the meetings of the study committee. TRINITY UMC TO BUILD CENTER WITH NAMES PROJECT Trinity UMC (San Francisco) has announced a joint project with the Names Project to construct a multipurpose facility to serve as a service center for persons with AIDS, a home for the AIDS Quilt, and an assembly hall for the congrega• tion and other community groups. The site of the center is the former location of Trinity's church building, which burned and was razed in 1981. Trinity will provide the land for the new center and will work with the Names Project in raising funds for construction. The center will provide office and worship space for the Trinity con~egation. The Names Project has been seeking a permanent home for its AIDS Quilt. The Quilt has been displayed in many cities across the country over the past three years. Now consisting of more than 10,000 panels, the October 1989 display of the Quilt in Washington, D.C. was announced as the last public display of the full Quilt. Trinity and the Names Project will announce an international design competition in early 1990 and seek completion of the center by 1992. UM NATIONAL AIDS TASK FORCE FORMED A special UMC national task force on AIDS ministries was organized in January 1990. This task force was ordered by the 1988 General Conference. The purpose of the task force is to coordinate the network of AIDS ministries already in existence in annual conferences, to assist conferences which want to begin such ministries, and to provide educational resources to help the church provide an effective response to the AIDS epidemic. The task force's initial plans, as discussed in its first meeting, are to focus on educating local congregations about ministries with persons with AIDS and on outreach to persons affected by AIDS. Of the 15 current members of the committee, one, Terry Boyd of St. Louis, has been diagnosed with AIDS. More members of the task force are to be added in the coming months. Paul Dirdak, pastor of Trinity UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in San Francisco, is the chair of the task force. Open Hands LESBIAN AND GAY LUTHERAN PASTORS ORDAINED Several hundred persons filled St. Paulus Lutheran Church in San Francisco on January 20 to celebrate the ordinations of Ruth Frost, Phyllis Zillhart, and Jeff Johnson. A mass choir from area churches provided stirring music. Preacher Carter Heyward, on the faculty of Episcop~l Divinity School in Cambridge, Massachusetts, reminded the congregation that those who chose to wrestle with God and demand God's blessing will bear the mark of that event. Finally, more than 30 clergy participated in the "laying on of hands" in the traditional Lutheran service of ordination. The ordination was the culmination of the efforts of Bay Area Lutheran churches to organize the Lutheran Lesbian and Gay Ministry (LLGM). LLGM was formed in early 1989 to begin an outreach ministry with lesbians and gay men in the Bay Area and to help find churches willing to call openly lesbian/gay pastors. On October 29, 1989, St. Francis Lutheran Church voted to call Ruth Frost and Phyllis Zillhart, a lesbian couple, to be part of the LLGM leadership team. On November 4, 1989, First United Lutheran Church voted to call Jeff Johnson to complete the LLGM staff. Bishop 41e Miller of the Sierra Pacific Synod of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) stated in November that he would convene a committee to determine the appropriate discipline for the two congregations which called Frost, Zillhart, and Johnson. Draft guidelines for ordination in the newly formed ELCA draw a distinction between homosexual orientation and behavior, with the latter being grounds for denying ordination. Letters were delivered to the two congregations on the day following the ordination service. According to a Religious New Service report, the letters indicated that charges were being filed by Bishop Miller because the congregations had "willfully disregarded and violated a criterion for recognition as congregations" of the denomination. Frost and Zillhart are graduates of Luther Northwestern Seminary in St. Paul, Minnesota. Johnson is a graduate of Pacific Lutheran Seminary in Berkeley. He was certified for ordination in 1988 by the Lutheran Church in America, a predecessor to the ELCA. When Johnson and two seminary classmates refused to make a promise of life-long abstinence from sexual expression, they were denied ordination. Winter 1990 MFSA DECLARED "RECONCILING ORGANIZATION" One recognition we failed to make in 1989 was that the Methodist Federation for Social Action (MFSA) declared itself to be a Reconciling Organization. The following resolution was passed by the MFSA Executive Committee last January: WHEREAS MFSA has been and continues to be a bold advocate for gay and lesbian persons and has worked for corrective changes in the Book of Discipline and supports the ordination and full participation of self-avowed, practicing homosexual persons, has worked in coalition with Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, to whom the Ball Award was presented at the 1988 General Conference Jubilee Celebration, and WHEREAS MFSA encouraged and enabled the Reconciling Congregation Program to be adopted in local churches and annual conferences and has authorized and disseminated the study packet Thinking It Through: United Methodists Look at the Church and Homosexuality, THEREFORE we declare that MFSA call itself a Reconciling Organization and encourage chapters to affirm their support by also becoming Reconciling Organizations. CONVOCATION REPORT IN NEXT ISSUE As we go into production with this issue of Open Hands, final preparations are being made for the second national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in San Francisco from February 16-18. We will carry a full report on RENEWING THE VISION: Parables of Hospitality, Healing, and Hope in the spring issue. UPCOMING GATHERINGS April 6-8, 1990-':'Palm Sunday Weekend for Gay & Lesbian Christians" with Virginia Ramey Mollenkott & John McNeill. Beaver Conference Farm, Underhill Avenue, R.D.3, Yorktown Heights, NY 10598. April 20-22, 1990-National meeting of Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns in Kansas City. For info: Mfirmation: P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204. May 29-June 6, 1990-National meeting of Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns in conjunction with the denomination's General Assembly in Salt Lake City. For info: PLGC, P.O. Box 38, New Brunswick, NJ 08903. AND FEMINISM How do they fit together? For fifteen years, DAUGHTERS OF SARAH, the magazine for Christian feminists, has spoken to this question. Each bimonthly magazine examines lively, current issues for women and the church today. Some topics addressed are: spirituality, gender roles, biblical interpretation, divorce, and feminist understandings of sin and grace. Each 40-page issue provides a forum for the ecumenical voices of Christian feminists. All share a commitment to the Scriptures' proclamation of equality, mutual power, and mutual servanthood between women and men. D Send me a trial subscription. Enclosed is $9.00 for a 6month (three issues) subscription. D I want to know more. Please send me a free brochure. Name ___________ Address ___________ Return to: Daughter. of Sarah Dept. 1400 3801 N. Keeler Chicago, IL 60641 23 July 10-15, 1990-National Gathering of seeking information on the Open and the Vnited Church Coalition for LesAffirming Program: bian/Gay Concerns in Los Angeles. WEST COAST: April 29-May 2 at theFor info: VCCL/GC, 18 N. College Mercy Center, Burlingame, Street, Athens, OH 45701. California. July 19-22-Assembly '90, "I Am in MIDWEST: May 6-8 at St. Paul's Your Midst," national gathering of Church, Chicago, Illinois. wtherans Concerned in Chicago. For info: wtherans Concerned, Box 10461, EAST COAST: June 1-3 at the Vnited Fort Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL Congregational Church in Worcester, 60610-0461. Mass. Open and Affirming Regional For info: Ann Day, P.O. Box 403, Conferences-For VCC congregations Holden, MA 01520. -p E -x -A -N -D Your reconciling ministry. Become involved in Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Affirmation is a national organization of gay men, lesbians, bisexuals, and their families, friends, and supporters who seek to be in ministry. Annual dues are $25.00 for individuals and $10.00 for students and those on subsistence incomes. For further information: National Affirmation P. O. Box 1021 Evanston,IL 60202 A path to greater understanding ... And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue on the C h LI rc h and Homosexuality This booklet's gentle, personto-person approach -is a perfect starting place for congregations or individuals dealing with questions about homosexual ity: T How do people become homosexual'! T What does the Rible say about homosexuality"! T What's it like to be gay or lesbian in the church today"! "For all who feel the pain ofour times, this much-needelL booklet identifies a path to greater love and understamLing." -C. Dale White, bishop, New York Area, UMe Written by Ann Thomp;;on Cook, ]988. 20 pp. Published by the Dumbarton liMe Task Force on Reconciliation; distributed by the Reconciling Congregation Program. .$4.95 per copy $:-3.00 for bulk orders (10 or more) Please prepay your order with 15% postage and handling to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026. Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 5 No 3 - Growing in Faith: The Lesbian/Gay Christian Movement https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/9887283f4d50b1e905b455524e0d3a85.pdf 51003ea3376a72086ba146e2e728185e Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 5 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1990 Publication Date The date the issue was published Spring Text Any textual data included in the document Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Inc.. as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and who welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network. Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries. the program provides resource materials. including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congrega tion. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington. DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Acceptance and Spirituality in Recovery ......... . .. ... .... . . .. .. . 4 Thom Harshman Alcoholism and Drug Dependence among Lesbians and Gay Men ... 7 Tim Davis and David Hudson HMy Story: From Pain Relief to Addiction" .. ... ...... . . .. .... .. 8 Tim Davis HRick's Story: Chemical Dependency and AIDS" .. ... . . .... . . . .. 9 David Hudson and Tim Davis 12-Steps Examined .. ......... .............. ............ ........ 10 M. Burrill Sexual Addiction: An Inside View .. .. ..... .. . .. .... .. ...... . .. .. Il Hooked on Food: Sustenance or Suicide .......... .... ........... 13 Ruth Lipschutz Breaking the Silence: Codependence and Abuse in Lesbian/Gay . . . 16 Relationships Mary Gaul and Nancy VanArsdall Jones Sustaining the Spirit ..... . . ...... .. . . ..... ... ...... ... .. ... .. .. 15 HService of Healing" Resources .... ..... .... ........ .. ................ ... ... .. .. ... .18 Special Report ... ......... .. ....... ....... .. ..... ...... .. ...... 20 RCP Report . ... ...... . . . ..... .. .. . ... ..... ..... . . .. .... .. . ... . 24 Acceptance and Spirituality in Recovery ... ... ...... .. ......4 Thom Harshman 12-Steps Examined . . . . . . . . . .. 10 M. Burrill Open Hands 2 Journeys Toward Recovery and Wholeness T houghts of an "addict" or "alcoholic" often conjure up mental pictures of derelicts and stumbling bums on the street. In reality, hundreds of thousands of people, people we know and love, people we interact with daily, struggle with various addictions. Research indicates that alcoholism and drug abuse are more prevalent in the lesbian/gay community than in the population at large. The same is likely true for other addictions as well. For these reasons, we offer this issue of Open Hands on addiction and recovery. Addictions can be divided into two major categories: substance and process. Both function in essentially the same way and produce the same results. In substance addictions, the alcohol, drugs, food, etc. ~re ingested. Such substances are mood-altering and create an increasing physical dependency. Process addicts are hooked on a specific series of actions or interactions, such as work, sex, or codependency. The key to addiction is a person's use of or relationship to a process or substance: Is it used to avoid what is going on inside that person? Does it take on a life of its own? Does that process or substance take precedence over family, friends, or personal health? Both substance and process addictions are included here. Along with information on the nature and progression of addictions, we offer the human side-people telling their own experiences with addiction and recovery from alcoholism, drug dependency, sexual addiction, and food addiction. Codependency and its relationship to abuse in gay and lesbian relationships and the role spirituality plays in addiction are both highlighted here also. Addiction touches our lives and the lives of many around us in often invisible ways. Our intention is to shed light on this painful topic and offer the hope of recovery to those in need. Next Issue's Theme: Celebrating Reconciling Ministries Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Tim Davis Mary Z. Longstreth Graphic Design Supon Design Group, Inc. Opt>n Hand... is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.I. Single copies are available for $,') each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Opt'n Hands P.a. Box 2:~6:H) Washinbrton. DC 20026 Phone: 20UH63-1.,)H() Copyright © 1990 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Spring 1990 Acceptance and Spirituality in Recovery by Thom Harshman o A s a child, I had a favorite game. I loved placing my hands over my eyes and then creating a small space between my fingers through which I : could see the world. The world, as seen through this o tiny crack in my hands, was manageable to me. I made o the claim of power over it, for it was finally reduced to a o size that matched my sense of my size. I believed I had o control; I felt safe. Yet the game would not last forever. o Sometimes, I would be intrigued by noises from things : outside my field of sight. Other times, someone would o abruptly end my play or I'd simply become tired with o my limited vision. However the game concluded, I would o end up seeing the world more fully. Addictions and recovery are much like my little game. o Covering our eyes can be a way of describing the addic: tive process. Each of us has a particular way of viewing o the world. We decide that how we see the world is the o full way the world is. We learn the belief that, if we gain o power over the world, we will be safe. This is akin to o viewing the world through the cracks between our fino gers. As -we live with our worldview, we resist believing : that anything exists outside of our perception, for then o things over which we have no control might also exist. As life proceeds, we receive more information about o the world. Some of this information differs from our o world view and seems to come from outside the percepo tual crack between our fingers. As new information o enters our awareness, we have basic directions in which o we can move. We can broaden our perception of the world and expand our experience of life. Or we can minimize and ignore that this new information is real, or important, and thereby maintain our illusory sense of power. The degree to which we are locked into our perspective of the world is the degree to which we are addicted. Addicted to our worldview, we need compulsions to help us ignore noises from outside our limited field of vision. When I was a child and did not want to hear my sister calling me as I played my game, I would put my thumbs in my ears and hum. Sometimes I'd have to hum loudly. But I could always find a way to distract myself from her so I could continue to play the game. I maintained the illusion that my world was all there was. Now as an adult, when I need to ignore new information about the nature of my reality, I can drink, use drugs, eat, focus on others' behaviors, or obsess on sex, weight, exercise, work, or gambling. I can even hum religious tunes loudly. I develop the delusion that my reality is the only reality. The stronger our addiction to our world view becomes, the stronger the behaviors needed to maintain this delusion become. As these behaviors take over our lives, we begin to sense discord. We experience ourselves increasingly out of step with reality, and at the same time our compulsions distract or numb us from these sensations. This process is terribly discouraging and is usually Open Hands 4 described as the feeling that we are losing control. We are losing control-control, that is, of our ability to ignore the world that exists outside of our field of vision. Our compulsions are not working as effectively as they had in the past. As we sense our loss of control, we become terrified, and we attempt to control more powerfully. Our compulsions now begin to take on a life of their own beyond their original purpose of distraction. Our delusions grow, along with the numbness to our distorted reality. We begin to feel crazy. We hum louder in a fearful attempt to maintain our limited vision. Our lives are llllmanageable. Our fear heightens. Hopelessness further overwhelms us. Then comes the miracle-but differently for each one. Some become curious about those "other" noises. Sometimes, others intervene on our illusion or we become exhausted with the price we pay to block out reality. Sometimes the story of another person offers a glimpse of possibilities. However it occurs, the gift comes-a moment in which hope becomes stronger than fear. The unknown "perhaps" becomes preferred over the known "pain." The attraction of control is overcome by the invitation of freedom. Acceptance is the beginning of freedom. For me, acceptance occurs each time I recognize that my fingers are limiting my experience of the world rather than giving me power over the world. Acceptance is the beginning of freedom from my need for addictions-addictions that distract me from reality. Acceptance becomes freedom from the illusion that my view of creation is complete and therefore safe. It neutralizes the intoxication of control. At times, ministry, for me, is intoxicating. I become addicted to controlling by serving. This is a pious form of workaholism which follows the same compulsive dynamic. My pattern began with my hope to find ways to serve God. I discovered ministry and "responded to God's call." In my parish, I could serve God through various church activities. I would develop how I thought a particular activity should proceed. I would decide that God's spirit would be most present if this activity were to occur according to my plan. Over time, I became quite adept at figuring out how I might best manipulate people and events so the outcome would fit into my plans. I would spend hours strategizing over whom to call first and what to say when. As the Alcoholics Anonymous "Big Book" says, I began to "arrange" the whole "ballet." I became convinced that it was my activity that was creating healing experiences within the congregation. The more enamored I became with my power, the less I trusted in God's spirit moving within our church commllllity. If events seemed to shift in directions other than toward my vision, I would work harder, strategize more diligently, telephone more emphatically. Instead of looking for the direction God was taking an activity, I became more invested in squeezing God into my plan. The more out of control events seemed, the more I attempted to control. I worked harder and longer. I forgot that I am a conduit for God's power and began to experience myself as power itself. I believed that my actions truly controlled events. Not at all coincidentally, I had less and less energy to look at other issues in my life. I Spring 1990 would separate these facets of myself into my "personal" as opposed to "professional" life spheres. I did not have the time to hear beckonings from my sexuality. I did not have the energy to develop a more vulnerable intimacy or a more integrated lifestyle. I could not look at these things. After all, I had been called to serve God. And then came the miracle. Weary with my efforts to control, I was reminded that it is God who is God. I began to believe that there were many ways to follow God's movement within the parish and within my being. I entertained the thought that God may view shifts in direction as opportllllities for new growth. I then began to, as I called it then, "look for God in the midst of the path on which I travel." God reminded me that my viewpoint is transcended by and held within God's viewpoint. Each time I accept that, I am freed. Acceptance, as the beginning of recovery, is the belief that I need not assert my perception of reality as full and unchanging. With this initial gift of recovery comes freedom from the illusion that controlling my view of the world provides safety. In my life, I began to believe that there are other possibilities-that God offers a variety of ways of being, of serving, and of living. Acceptance is freedom from the arrogant idea that I can control God's spirit, that I have full llllderstanding of God's will. I can believe, with childlike wonder, in discovering. With acceptance, I am freed. Spiritual recovery is the liberation that occurs each time I move my fingers from my eyes and thereby expand my experience of myself, others, and God. I can now embrace a broader view of reality. In fact, life now embraces me. Spirituality is in that moment when I am active in accepting and passive in receiving God's embrace. The hope offered by acceptance comes to fruition in spirituality. I can actively choose to see the world more and more fully. Throughout his ministry, Jesus offers attention to this activity. Recently, I was reflecting on the account in the Gospel of John of the healing of the one born blind. I wondered, "How am I blind?" My pondering took me into dusk whereupon I found myself enjoying the setting of the Sllll. As I looked at this sunset, I noticed "flaws." There were asymmetrical clouds, ill-placed holes, and mismatched hues. Yet, as I viewed these "flaws" in the context of the whole sunset, they really were not flaws at all. In the sunset, I experienced richness, beauty, lllliqueness. It struck me-lam blind to how God sees me. God sees me in much the same way that I view a sunset. Where I see shameful qualities about who I am, God sees the wonderful diversity of God's creation in my lllliqueness. Where I harbor guilt for the things I have done, God holds awe at my creative response to situations. Where I play the internal tapes about how I am or how I ought to be, God hears the rich orchestra of possibilities, of discovering the sounds of yet unfinished scores. My blindness can be healed by the limitless sight of God. My guilt can be transformed by the gentle touch of God. I can hear wisdom in the powerful voice of God. With spirituality, every moment becomes an opportllllity to enjoy an expanded vision of life's events. Spiritual recovery involves continually pushing out the edges of my experience of who or what God is by asking anew, "How does God interact with my life, and how am I to respond?" In a way, the action of moving my 5 • fingers from in front of my eyes is as simple as this ask· ing of new questions. By re-creating new questions, I see • myself, others, and God in ever broader, richer contexts. How am I called to serve others today? Where is God's · compassionate movement within me, towards me, hap · pening in this moment? How am I in awe of God to · day? In what way can I be there for God? Acceptance and spirituality as facets of recovery cannot be separated much the same way as faith and works cannot be separated according to the New Testament. They are interdependent. For recovery to transcend being simply another addictive way of viewing the world, we need both the passive humility of acceptance and the active creativity of spirituality. At the same time, we need the active choosing of acceptance and the passive waiting of spirituality. The paradox comes alive. The bottom line supporting the connectedness of acceptance and spirituality in recovery is that, like faith and works, both receive their energy for existence from the font of creative energy that is of God and is God. Countless hours were occupied by my childhood game. Yet it would always end. The world would teach me why I was not born with my hands covering my eyes. Yes, it did offer a measure of power and a sense of safety. I liked that part. But as soon as I would move my hands, I would realize that these didn't hold a candle to the quality of life outside my blinders. You see, fingers that cover eyes can't hold caterpillars or dig in gardens for worms. Hands limiting one's view can't clap with glee. Thumbs in one's ears can't be locked together to make a church. Arms used to block one's sight can't hug. Ah, awe; sweet freedom, sweet liberation. Thom Harshman is an ordained minister in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ), serving as hospital chaplain with primary responsibility for a chemical dependency unit in Orange, California, and is personally involved in a 12-Step program. Some Important Definitions Addiction-Addiction is an experience. It exists when a person's attachment to a sensation, an object, or another person interferes with that individual's life. The addicted person has become increasingly dependent on that experience as his or her only source of gratification. Addiction, like any serious disease, is progressive. It keeps the addict unaware of her or his "internal landscape" of feelings. In turn, this lack of internal awareness deadens internal processes, which in turn keeps the addiction going-a cycle. As addicts lose touch with themselves, they • II also lose touch with people in the world around them. Addiction dulls and distorts sensory input. The addict is aware that something is wrong but feels increasingly powerless and worthless. Regardless of the addiction, it takes more and more to create the desired effect and no amount is enough. If a person cannot cease after being sated, if a person cannot be sated, she or he is addicted. Psychological security is what is wanted above all. Codependency-An addiction to another person or persons and their problems, or to a relationship and its problems. It involves a habitual system of thinking, feeling, and behaving towards oneself and others that causes one pain. When people refuse to be codependent, addictions do not get the support they need to continue. Eating Disorders-Addiction to eating, to not eating, or to eating a huge quantity of food then desperately trying to get rid of it . • Anorexia-Self-starvation • Bulimia-Bingeing and purging through vomiting and/or use of laxatives or diuretics. • Compulsive Eating-Eating in response to feelings rather than hunger. Obsession-Persistent and unescapable preoccupation with an idea or behavior. Compulsive-A compulsive act or behavior is one that a person feels compelled or driven to do rather than having a choice to do. Dysfunctional-Not functioning in a healthy, whole manner. The following terms often have different shades of meaning depending on the person using them. Individuals recovering from addictions use and define terms to have specific meaning to their personal situation. Abstinence-Refraining from addictive behavior or substances. Program-A plan of action for recovery from addiction. People in 12-step programs often speak of "working a program" of recovery-that is, using the 12 steps to recover from their addiction. Recovery-Actively working on personal growth and change towards wholeness. Involves awareness and behavior. Often used as "in recovery" from an addiction. Sobriety-A state of being where one is abstinent and working a program of recovery. Open Hands 6 Drug Dependency Among Lesbians Alcoholism and and Gay Men by Tim Davis and David Hudson I n many minds, the word alcoholic implies the image of the skid row bum. Only 3 percent of the alcoholics in the United States are on skid row. Many of the other 97 percent have homes, families, and • jobs. About 45 percent are professional or in managerial positions, 25 percent are white-collar workers, and 30 percent are manual laborers. Over half have attended college; only 13 percent have not finished high school. Often people deny that alcohol is a drug, because it can be legally purchased over the counter at almost any store. Alcohol, however, is very much a drug, producing all the classic signs of addictions: As individuals become addicted, they experience changes in tolerance-that is, their brains adapt to the presence of high concentrations of alcohol or other drugs. They also experience withdrawals when the alcohol or other drugs are ceased. They often lose control of how much they consume or for how long. Alcohol and drug dependency are chronic, progressive, and potentially fatal diseases. As they progress, individ• uals often experience problems in their relationships, • families, employment, and sexual functioning. They can also fall into financial, legal, and spiritual bankruptcy. What was once a social glass of wine or a tranquilizer • or a sleeping pill to relieve stress becomes an obsession • to obtain the substance and to maintain a euphoric high • or blackout where they do not remember what they said • or did or how they got home the night before. Dependency on alcohol and other drugs is a particularly serious and tragic problem in the lesbian/gay community. Thirty percent of gay men and lesbians are thought to have very serious problems with alcohol or other drugs, compared with 10 percent of heterosexuals. A variety of factors probably account for the significant difference between the gay/lesbian and heterosexual populations: 1) For many gay men and lesbians, the gay bar is the focal point of their social lives, partly because of the lack of other places (such as churches or social settings) where they can comfortably be themselves. 2) Abuse and dependency behaviors are frequently used to aid in coping with life in an often hostile and antigay society. 3) Gay men and lesbians commonly lack validation from society, media, and families. Spring 1990 Probably fewer than 10 percent of all the victims of alcoholism and drug dependency ever receive help, and this percentage is almost surely even lower for gay men and lesbians. Gay and lesbian alcoholics and addicts can face a double stigma that often compounds their denial of dependency. Not only do they face the difficulty of acknowledging their drug dependency or the extent of their usage; they can also be afraid to acknowledge their sexual orientation due to prejudices (or fear of prejudices). As a result, lesbian/gay addicts far too frequently never get to treatment. It is easy to see why many gay men and lesbians with drug-dependency problems question whether treatment will help. Not only the lesbian/gay community, but also the rest of society, including churches, must acknowledge a few basic facts: 1. Lesbian and gay alcoholics and addicts are less likely to have supportive family structures to help their efforts to not drink or use drugs. The need for family participation is critical in recovery, and efforts should be made to help develop surrogate families for support after lesbians and gay men are discharged from treatment. 2. The need for interventions to halt the active drinking/using stage must be more widely recognized. This could be achieved by reaching socially isolated gay men and lesbians and by removing the threat of exposing one's orientation, while educating everyone that drug dependency, including alcoholism, is a disease and not a moral issue. 3. Effective treatment for gay men and lesbians requires a setting that offers drug-free re-entry into the lesbian/gay community as well as society-at-large. Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) and Narcotics Anonymous (NA) groups that specifically serve lesbians and gay men often can fill this need and function as a social activity too. Many gay/lesbian alcoholics and addicts are comfortable in primarily nongay AA and N A groups, but others feel a need for meetings where they can more comfortably be open and honest about their sexual orientation. 4. Heterosexual therapists working predominately with heterosexuals often strongly discourage gay/lesbian alcoholics and addicts from going to gay bars. It is not uncommon, however, for several members of a gay/lesbian AA or N A meeting to go as a small group to such a bar to socialize. Therapists need to recognize that bars 7 • serve a different, primarily social function for gay men • and lesbians than for heterosexuals, who generally go to : a bar specifically to drink. S. Gay men -and lesbians often need on-going therapy • after treatment to deal with issues about shame, guilt, • and rejection by family, employers, and friends. On• going individual therapy allows them time to understand • and accept their sexuality. · My Story: · From Pain Relief to Addiction I grew up as an only child with both my parents be• ing alcohol and drug dependent. I decided by age 8 that • I would never be like them. Many nights I would lay awake and listen to their irrational arguments, which ap: peared to be induced by alcohol and prescription drugs. • By age 10, I identified my maternal grandmother as the • only significant person in my life. An active member in • the Methodist Church, she was very consoling of much • abuse I received from my father. Nevertheless, she ac• tively enabled my parents' abuse by making excuses for : their behaviors and rescuing my mother's financial prob• lems. As I got older, I realized that my maternal uncle • and grandfather were also addicted and that my only • thread to sanity was my interaction with my grand• mother. I always felt shame and embarrassment about • my family's behavior. With my grandmother's insistence, my grandfather • went to church with a hangover. Once during the ser• vice, my grandfather was snoring, and the minister said, • "Marley, wake up; you must have had a good time last • night." My grandmother felt undue shame, and my • grandfather never returned to church for 20 years. At age 13, I was injured in a speedboat accident that • was a result of my father's intoxication. I still recall the • embarrassment of wearing a body cast and trying to ex• plain how the accident occurred without implicating my • father and his alcoholism. Our hometown doctor was • very understanding and prescribed mood-altering drugs : to relieve the pain. As I became more aware that I was gay, I believed • that no one in my family or in the church would accept • me. To eliminate the emotional pain of being gay, at age • 20 I used more drugs and abused alcohol. Quickly I • learned that I could acquire more drugs by seeing : several doctors for the pain caused years before in the • boating accident. While in college, I was active in · various organizations but lived a double life because no • one really knew the other side of me. I was gay and • coped with the isolation and shame by using alcohol and • other drugs. During my late teens and early twenties, I became • angry at my family and church because I knew they • would never accept me for being gay. After graduation · from college, I became a teacher in special education, • and the following year I was promoted to an admin• istrative position in which I supervised six school • cooperatives. For the next eight years, I was able to sup• press my feelings regarding my sexuality and was never • confronted about my alcohol and drug addiction. Finally • I decided I could not live like that any more, and I quit • my job. By then, my grandfather was active in AA, and • my uncle had about 10 years sobriety. I tried to quit : drinking and drugging on my own with no success. I · 8 had lost the suppon of my family and was unemployed. I finally decided to go into treatment but feared they would find out I was gay. In fact, no one in treatment ever asked me if I was gay, straight, or bisexual. Nevertheless, I feared that, if they knew I was gay, they would ask me to leave treatment. After treatment, I did not deal with my sexuality for another year for fear of being rejected by my therapist and my friends in AA. I have now been sober for nine years, but working a program of recovery has not been easy. For several years, I found myself fighting to maintain another day of sobriety. One of the most difficult issues earlier in my recovery was developing a concept of a higher power (one of the 12 steps) because I blamed all my problems on God. Today, however, I feel an inner peace that has given me an inner serenity-and that I would never trade. Earlier I mentioned that my parents, grandfather, and uncle were all alcoholics or addicts: My mom now has S years of sobriety; my father is still in denial of his Open Hands alcoholism; my grandfather died last year with 22 years of sobriety in AA; my uncle remained sober for 15 years •but went back to drinking and was dead within 3 weeks. Alcoholism and dependency on other drugs are diseases of denial. As it says in AA, "There by the grace of God go I." -Tim Davis Rick's Story: Chemical Dependency and AIDS Rick is a 27-year-old bisexual male who lives with his mother and stepfather in Indianapolis. According to Rick's mom, he was a typical child with no unusual problems in school. He was liked by all his teachers and peers in school. At age 17, however, Rick started using marijuana on a daily basis and also started skipping classes. When his mother confronted him about this behavior, he became belligerent and left home, eventually moving to Florida. He began acting out sexually with older women and with males his own age. When he was 20, his natural father died. By then, he had begun using cocaine intravenously, knowing that if he smoked it he would not stop until the supply ran out. Soon thereafter, Rick was arrested and convicted of theft and dealing cocaine and was sentenced to 10 years in a Florida prison. Then, after two years, he was diagnosed with AIDS and was granted clemency to return home to Indianapolis to die. Since his return, Rick and his mother have redeveloped a close relationship. They have each been able to verbalize their unresolved anger towards the other and their grief over Rick's father's and sister's deaths. Rick now works as a volunteer at Indianapolis's Damien Center, a support facility for persons with AIDS, persons infected with the AIDS-causing human immunodeficiency virus (HIV), and their family members. He has given numerous talks to doctors, nurses, and other health professionals. Rick still looks healthy and has a lot of energy. Until recently, he could water ski nonstop all day. In the past month, however, he has developed pneumocystis pneumonia, lost 20 pounds due to diarrhea, and contracted hystoplasmosis, a lung infection that healthy immune systems can generally fight off but that persons with AIDS often cannot. About eight months ago, Rick entered a treatment center for his cocaine, marijuana, and alcohol dependence. The evening nurse there would not allow other patients to eat out of the same popcorn bowl that he was using. The following morning the staff was in conflict whether other patients could get AIDS by eating after him. This conflict was two weeks after an in service training on AIDS for the center's staff, so they should have known better. Rick was extremely agitated while in treatment because he was afraid his peers would discover he had AIDS. He decided to tell his therapy group that he had AIDS, but that he got it by shooting up cocaine intravenously. The group was extremely divided in its reaction, and several decided to avoid him. In the last three months, Rick has become more open about his bisexuality. On a local TV interview, he was asked how he contracted the virus, and his response was "by a dirty needle, or sex with a man or woman. It really doesn't matter how I got it. What really matters is that J did get it, and I am learning to live with it." I t is becoming increasingly apparent that approximately two-thirds of the men and women at the Damien Center in Indianapolis are not only HIV+ but exhibit either alcohol or drug abuse/dependency as well. Perhaps this should not be surprising, considering both the disproportionate incidence of alcohol and drug dependence in the lesbian/gay commun!ty a~d the fa~t that intravenous drug use is a proven hIgh-rIsk behaVIOr for HIV infection. But there is more to the linkage. Alcohol and other drugs function by themselves to weaken the immune system. According to some studies, just a few beers can render the T-4 cells in a person's blood 25 to 250 times more susceptible to HIV infection. Opiates such as heroin are known to suppress the function of T-4 cells, and, although marijuana has not been well studied in humans, it has directly affected the ability of N -K cells to function in animals. Animal studies also indicate that cocaine may be able to speed up the replication of HIV in already infected cells by up to 1,100 times.l In addition, a person who is intoxicated or under the influence of mood-altering chemicals is far more likely to engage in unsafe sex or share needles for drugs because his or her inhibitions are reduced. I t is hard enough for lesbians and gay men in many places to find alcohol and drug treatment centers that specialize in gay/lesbian issues. Being HIV+ or having AIDS complicates treatment even more. In working with alcoholics or other addicts, there often is an underlying issue of shame and guilt over one's past. This shame can be even more complicated if a person has AIDS. In addition, homophobia among nongay therapists and other patients can be a major roadblock to recovery for persons who have AIDS or who have tested HIV+. The challenge to service-providing centers such as Damien Centers and alcohol-and drug-dependency clinics is to develop programs and treatment for gay/lesbian addicted individuals who have AIDS or are HIV+. Meeting the challenges posed by these multiple problems will not be easy for treatment centers. Not only are the affected individuals dealing with their various dependencies, they are also dealing with their own immortality on a moment-by-moment basis. : -David Hudson and Tim Davis 1. Larry Siegel and Milan Korcok, AIDS: The Drug and Alcohol Connection (Center City, Minn.: Hazelden Foundation, 1989), p. 26. Tim Davis has a master's degree in addictionology and family therapy. He worked in the area of chemical dependency for eight years and is presently in private practice working in chemical dependency, codependency, and AIDS. David Hudson, ACSW, is a case worker at the Damien Center in Indianapolis. He has made numerous speaking engagements on AIDS and was honored as 1990 Social Worker of the Year for the state of Indiana. Spring 1990 9 o Begin any inquiry into the nature and treatment of addictions and one quickly discovers the "12-step" approach. The original 12-step recovery o program was Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). Its success o has spawned a wide variety of recovery programs pat- o terned after the 12-steps of AA. Twelve-step programs o are available for alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers, como pulsive overeaters, sex addicts, adult children of al- o coholics, family members of alcoholics, and survivors of : incest, to name a few. Many therapists and people in recovery agree-12-step o programs work. Many people, having tried many other o alternatives, have had their lives saved and are recovering o from their addictions because of 12-step programs. What o is so appealing about them? What is it that works? o • Twelve-step programs are programs for the total person. They address not only the physical addiction but mental and spiritual aspects of life as well. o • Twelve-step programs have been instrumental in taking addictions out of the realm of morality and into the realm of disease. The program helps participants realize that it is not a person's moral weakness that causes the addiction. This effectively unloads the weapon of blame that addictive persons so swiftly and devastatingly aim at themselves. o • Twelve-step programs provide an accessible, working system, a plan for a person's recovery: follow the 12-steps, attend meetings, work with a sponsor, and you're on your way to recovery. Support for recovery is even available when traveling. Any major city, most medium-sized towns and some small towns offer 12-step meetings that will often feel familiar to visitors. • Twelve-step programs are self-help groups-people in recovery helping people in recovery. No trained experts lead the process. The lack of hierarchy is stressed. Guidance through sponsorship is provided by those who have been longer in the program and can share their experience, strength, and hope. 12..Steps Examined by M. Burrill • Twelve-step programs provide community. Their success is enhanced by connecting people to one another. Discovering that you are not alone, there are others with similar thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, helps to end the isolation that is characteristic of addictions. Through phone lists, sponsors, sharing at meetings, people are encouraged to support, seek support, and maintain contact with one another. This is a key aspect to many people's recovery. My mother always used to say, "If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." So where's the catch? If 12-step programs are so wonderful, why isn't every addicted person in recovery? Denial keeps people from recovery. Many people deny that an addiction exists, so why be in recovery? But others not in denial have tried the 12-step approach and found it not for them. Upon closer examination, several difficulties appear. • The 12-steps originated to address alcoholism. Those same steps have been applied to many other situations. Are all addictions the same? You can live without alcohol and drugs, but not food. Addictions to gambling, sex, and love do not involve substances at all. Can the same 12 steps really adequately address such different scenarios? Some say, "No, the differences are too great." • To those with a feminist awareness, the sexist nature of the 12-step approach, both in language (referring to a patriarchal God as He) and in theory (stressing powerlessness when women are already in powerless positions relative to men's positions in society) often becomes untenable. Several women have tried to address these issues by rewriting the stepS.l These concerns are rarely mentioned ,in mainstream 12-step groups. • The God-centered nature of the 12-step approach keeps away some, especiallY lesbians and gay men,2 Open Hands 10 who have been rejected or judged by religious people and institutions and, as a result, want nothing to do with God or anything "religious." T welve-step programs are the road to life for many recovering addicts. Their effectiveness and strengths are immediately evident. Significant criticisms also exist. The dialogue continues to the end that help in recovery from addictions might be available and effective to all who are in need. : Notes 1. Gail U nterberger, "Twelve Steps for Women Alcoholics," The Christian Century, December 1989, and Jean Kilpatrick's 13 steps of "Women for Sobriety." • 2. For discussion of political issues of lesbians and gay men in 12-step recovery programs, see "Getting to Serenity: Do Addiction Programs Sap Our Political Vitality?" Out/Look, Summer 1988, p. 10. M. Burrill is coeditor of Open Hands. The 12 Steps 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol*-that our lives had become unmanageable. 2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 8. Made a list of all persons we had hanned, and became willing to make amends to them all. 9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, * and to practice these principles in all our affairs. *This is adapted to the addiction relevant to each 12-step program. Spring 1990 Sexu al' Addiction: An Inside View I don't remember the first time I masturbated. I do remember the loneliness and depression that masturbation kept me in for 12 years of my life. I remember using people for sex-if I was sexual with someone, we could be friends; if not, I had little interest in that person. At the age of 15, I was raped by a man I babysat for. It wasn't a violent rape, but he was twice my age and I didn't know how to say "no." I never had an orgasm with him, but we were sexual many times over the next 6 years. I used masturbation to deal with the pain of having been raped and became addicted to it. It was the fastest way I knew to have a few moments of feeling good when inside I felt so bad. . Through prior abuse and neglect from my own famIly, I became codependent. I didn't know what I needed, what I felt, or what I wanted. The emptiness from not knowing myself was filled by using sex, but eventually that became too painful also. When I was 19, I began drinking. I used alcohol for eight years to numb the pain of my codependency and sexual addiction. At one point, I became very " religious," but I had no spirituality. I would go to church every time the doors were opened. Once again I was seeking something on the outside to make me feel good because on the inside I was dying emotionally, spiritually, and sexually. I decided that I would be OK if I could just get a college degree, so I joined the Army to get money for school. Once I enlisted, I was put into an environment that was perfect for a codependent and an addict. I was told what to do, when to do it, and where; I didn't have to think. I found other codependents and addicts. If I needed a fix with alcohol or sex, it was readily available. In three years, I went through 25 relationships. I used my many sexual partners and drinking buddies to help fill my emptiness inside. r had no purpose in life; it was only a day to day struggle. Since I was disconnected with my own feelingsphysically, intellectually, sexually, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally-I couldn't get close to anyone else 11 Today In recovery I have more friends, love, and peace in my life than I've ever known. either. I only knew how to connect through sex or alcohol. When I was alone, I would cry and not know what I was crying about. I hated the thought of working and had no interest in anything outside sex or alcohol. When I look back on pictures of myself, I can see the depression on my face. Yet I had no one to talk to; I felt no one would understand what I was going through. I was stationed in Germany, and on Saturday morn: ings I would always get up and start the day with a • beer. One Saturday morning the beer didn't make me • feel better; in fact, I started crying and couldn't stop. I • looked at the beer and told myself that when I got back to the United States I would quit drinking. When I did get back to America, I lasted six days without a drink. I went and got one beer, came home, and called Alcoholics Anonymous. I went to my first meeting, and my life has never been the same. I went from a living hell to actually being glad I was alive. After eight months of sobriety in AA, something was wrong, and I knew I was going to drink. I called my sponsor, and she had me go through the 12 steps to examine my relationships. When I did my 5th step with her, she discovered that I was using sex just as I had used alcohol in my life. She sent me to Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA), and once again my life has never been the same. After working that program for a year, I still couldn't stay sober from sex for over a month. I kept getting sick physically, and I was always going to my doctor for something. One day it was suggested to me that maybe my physical problems were coming from something that was going on with me mentally. I'd been keeping a journal so I started going back to find what it might be. The word codependent kept popping up. I joined a 12-step program that dealt specifically with codependency, and I was able to start getting longer periods of sobriety within my SAA program. Today I know my sexual addiction and alcoholism were just symptoms of my codependency. Helen Keller once said that, before her teacher came along, she was a nobody in a no man's land and did not know that she was. For me it was codependency, sex, and alcohol that kept me from knowing who I was; for others it's cocaine, working, gambling, or buying-the list goes on and on. We addicts lose ourselves through our addictions, but most of us were lost before we started using our addictions. Today in recovery I have more friends, love, and peace in my life than I've ever known. When I'm alone, I don't need a chemical or sex to make me feel. I know how to go within and feel love and peace without needing something outside myself. Today I'm connected with myself physically, intellectually, spiritually, sexually, mentally, and emotionally. Today I'm living life, not just surviving! The author is a woman who lives in Indianapolis. Some Basic Statistics about Sexual Addicts • 81 % were sexually abused at some time in their life. • 52% were clinically depressed at some time. • 72% were physically abused at some time. • 97% were emotionally abused at some time. • 40% of all fathers and 18% of all mothers of sex addicts were also sex addicts. • 38% of all fathers and 26% of all mothers of sex addicts were alcoholic. • 43% of all mothers of sex addicts had eating disorders. Open Hands • 12 Hooked on Food: ~I Sustenance or Suicide 1 by Ruth Lipschutz Cocaine, heroin, marijuana, alcohol-most people would readily admit that these are all potentially lethal drugs. Many of these same people, however, would laugh if they were told that a doughnut could be fatal or a package of cookies could result in suicide. Our society portrays food as a harmless and acceptable medium for showing love or giving a reward. But food is no harmless substance for people suffering from an eating disorder. To them it is an addictive and potentially lethal drug. Eating disorders are progressive and life-threatening addictions.] Anorexia nervosa and bulimia are the most publicized eating disorders. However, the most common form of eating disorder, compulsive eating, is also the least known. They are not separate addictions, only facets of the same disease. The word disease is used because many believe there is a physical basis to eating disorders, as well as other addictions, though the research in this area is still in its infancy. Eating disorders affect every area of a person's life. They interfere with normal development physically, emotionally, and spiritually. As in other addictions, eating disorders are fueled by and in turn exacerbate a sense of shame in which persons feel not that they are doing something bad, but that they are "bad," "worthless," or "flawed." Self-hate grows in direct proportion to the time one carries the horrible secret. I have lived my whole life with an eating disorder. Before beginning my recovery nearly nine years ago, I experienced every aspect of the disease-anorexia, bulimia, and compulsive eating. As far back as I can remember, food was my best friend. It was my comfort when nothing or no one else was available. I was a chubby kid and was teased for this. I was aware my mother felt I was "too fat," but she never dealt with me directly on this topic. She used food with me as a reward or as a substitute for time together. She especially used sugar, which is a highly addictive and mood-altering substance for many people with eating disorders. The occasions I looked forward to were all around food. I would even steal money to buy candy or sneak cookies and candy off store shelves. In retrospect, I see that food kept me numb during many painful periods of Spring 1990 my life. I cannot remember a time I would eat only one of most foods. I always wanted more. My self-image as I became a teenager was fairly poor. Around age 15 everyone in my family went on a diet. Theirs lasted a few days. Mine lasted 12 years. Through periods of dieting, starving, bingeing, and purging, my weight went up and down like a yo-yo. First came a period of anorexia. In anorexia, persons starve themselves for an extended period of time. I would only eat tiny bits of food. Many days I fasted. I knew how many calories were in every consumable substance. I was obsessed with my body and with being thin. No matter how much weight I lost, it was never enough-even when I reached 70 pounds. Exercise became another obsession, and I would feel fat if I did not do my regular daily routine. My behavior became very rigid and ritualistic, especially around food. Things had to be prepared, cut, and eaten in a certain way, or I felt panicked and furious. My menstruation stopped, and I became tired easily. The more I tried to control my eating, the more out of control I felt. Despite my refusal to eat, I was obsessed with food. I would even take cooking classes and offer to cook for others. Starving is one side of the binge-purge cycle. When I would start eating after a fast or starving on small amounts of food for days, my body needed and craved sustenance. I was malnourished, and my body was trying to tell me it needed more. Frequently, I would binge when I started eating. A binge could be anything from eating the equivalent of a couple of meals at one time to consuming boxes of cookies, whole cakes, or other foods. At age 17 I ended up in a psychiatric hospital due to my depression. The staff there addressed some family issues, but at that time eating disorders were not well known. The most crucial and fundamental issue of my addiction was never dealt with at all. I stopped starving myself soon after discharge. Very quickly I gained a tremendous amount of weight, more than doubling it in a short amount of time. I was eating everything in sight. Many days I would not eat a regular meal but would "graze," eating little bits (which quickly become bigger bits) of food all day long. 13 At 18 I discovered I could make myself vomit. For the o next nine years, I binged and purged through vomiting or starving. I tried every diet that came out but would always gain back the weight or give it up quickly. My menstruation stopped again. What self-esteem I had was o slipping away. Even vomiting blood did not stop the o vicious cycle I was on. I knew something was wrong with my relationship with food as early as age 15, but my pride and denial refused to allow me to accept the truth. Most of all, I o felt ashamed. I had no idea anyone else behaved as I o did. There was no doubt in my mind that they would be o disgusted if they knew, as I was with myself. The worst part of the disease, for me, was carrying around this awful secret. It exacerbated the feelings of shame-that something was fundamentally wrong with me-that I still carried from childhood. Food became more and more important in my life. I o used it to numb myself as any other addicts use their o drugs. My thinking was affected. At times I felt paranoid, as if everyone somehow knew what I was do- o ing. My concentration was poor. I became more and : more isolated with my best friend, food. Repeatedly, I o made myself promise to stop, only to break my promise. o The desire to eat was overwhelming. I felt like an animal in a cage. My binges became worse. I would consume larger and larger quantities of food. Binges were often planned, and I would spend exorbitant amounts of money on my food. The quality of my life : became worse and worse. Therapy had always been my answer when I felt unable to resolve issues in my life. At age 27, I went for an evaluation with someone who specialized in eating disorders. For the first time, a name was given to my problem, and I had the first real awareness that I was not alone. Eating disorders have several characteristics in common. These include an obsession with food and weight, a distorted body image, feelings of shame and self-hate, a belief one can "control" the eating, an inability to remember the feelings attached to the last binge or purge episode, a feeling of being "different," as well as serious physical complications. A common factor in all addictions is a strong presence o of denial. Addicts may be truly convinced they do not o have a problem. Not that persons with eating disorders o lie to others, but denial is so strong they believe the lies o they tell themselves. Many experience a great deal of : pain before realizing the old ways of coping are not o working and need to be changed. One of the most devastating beliefs of people with o eating disorders is that they could stop the destructive o behavior themselves if they really wanted to, if they just o had enough willpower. The sufferers themselves believe : this myth and berate themselves for being weak, lazy, or o undisciplined. None of these are true. Persons with eat- o ing disorders could no sooner stop using food on their o own than alcoholics or drug addicts could stop abusing o those substances on their own. Only with help in re- o covery is it possible to develop a healthy relationship : with food and let go of self-blame. Recovery is a lifelong process to be taken one day at a o time. No one way is the "correct" way for everyone to o recover from an eating disorder. What is important is o the realization that as powerful and devastating as the : 14 disease is, recovery is possible. The first steps are accepting that something is wrong and the problem cannot be handled alone. Addictions are spiritual disorders as well as emotional and physical. They destroy our connection with ourselves and others, and to God or a Higher Power. Recovery primarily addresses the spiritual level, reconnecting or healing our separation from self, others, and God. Without proper attention to this crucial aspect of recovery, relapse is inevitable. Healing on the spiritual level, as well as emotional and physical levels, gives us back the power to define ourselves and be who we want to be. Recovery can be found in many places. Groups such as Overeaters Anonymous, based on the 12 steps of recovery of Alcoholics Anonymous, provide simple and effective programs for physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery. Inpatient and intensive outpatient programs offered through facilities and hospitals have worked for some. Individual therapists who specialize in dealing with eating disorders and understand the addiction process can also be helpful. A combination of these has proven successful for many people. Eating disorders, as other addictions, affect the entire family. Denial can be just as strong among family members as in the addicted person. Families can help by recognizing and expressing feelings, acknowledging that something is wrong, and seeking education and support for themselves. Without this, family members can become focused on "controlling," "fixing," or "blaming" the addict or themselves. O-Anon groups, 12-step support groups for families and friends of food addicts, are available in some areas through Overeaters Anonymous. Some clinics, hospitals, and private therapists also offer family support groups. Recovery is not easy, but I would not trade my worst day now for my best day before. I have learned how to go through the pain and feel the relief at the other end. When I abstain from the behaviors my disease triggers, I go through those feelings once. When I eat (drink, do drugs, etc.) to avoid the pain, I go through it a million times. Today, with help from my support system and my Higher Power, food does not control my life. My selfesteem is not determined by the bathroom scales or other external sources. I have my life back. The connection to myself, my friends, and my Higher Power is a gift no money could buy. No food or drug could bring me the sense of love, acceptance, and serenity I have experienced these last nine years. I have found that life can be more than mere painful survival. It is possible to walk out of the darkness of shame and self-hate and into the light of recovery. Note 1. For further information regarding eating disorders, including symptoms and medical and nutritional complications, contact the author Ruth Lipschutz at 6031 N. Rockwell St., Chicago, IL 60659. Ruth Lipschutz is a bilingual (Spanish/English) psychotherapist in the Chicago area. She specializes in substance abuse, eating disorders, adult children of alcoholics/ dysfunctional families, and sexual abuse. Open Hands Sustaining The Spirit 4. SERVICE OF HEALING · Call to Worship • L: We gather as a people When we are guilty with a guilt that will not • P: Who would learn to be faithful; leave us in peace; • L: Who yearn to find ourselves acceptable; Then, 0 God-heal us ...strengthen us ... feed • P: Who seek to accept one another; us ...forgive us. : L: Who seek the healing and wholeness of God. L: And bring us through birth and rebirth. • P: Who are we? ALL: Through giving and forgiving • L: We are the song, the singer, and we listen for the Through loving and loving kindness song. Through using us and preparing us for use We are the love, the lover, and we are beloved. Through judgment and grace We are the bread, the breadmaker, and those Into citizenship in the community filled ...those hungry. Where all are sinners, yet all are accepted We are the gift, the giver, and we receive. All are judged, yet all find mercy We are the wound, the healing, and the healers. All are limited, yet all are ministers, grateful citizens,· Hymn of Praise Loving children of the community of • "God, You Spin the Whirling Planets" God. Amen. Words by Jane Parker Huber Tune: Austria Hearing the Word II Kings 5:1-14 · Naming our Brokenness Mark 5:25-35 • L: What are those things, personal and corporate, Prayers of Response which stand in the way of our transformation? L: Let us offer our prayers for ourselves, others, and · Prayer of Confession and Hope the world. • ALL: Eternal God, Litany of Anointing When our eyes are too full of our own visions; L: We live in this world that God has made. When our ears are too full of our own P: There is no one in this world that God did not sounds; make. When our mouths are too full of our wisdoms; L: No one is hurt without hurting all. When our hearts are too full of our own P: Until all are healed, all are wounded. concerns; L: All are invited to heal and be healed. Receive the Break through-oil on your forehead, then anoint the person next to Liberate us from the narrow worlds which you, saying, "(name), you are healed." constrict our souls; Liberate us from the fear which blinds us to Song of Healing the newness of your work on the horizons; Liberate us from the preoccupation with the "Song of the Soul" trivial and uneasiness with what is great; Words & music by Cris Williamson Liberate us into the community of God. • L: And when the hurt in our souls is deep: This service of worship was developed by Betty Jo · ALL: When we feel weak at the beginning of a Birkahn-Rommelfanger and Carol Larson and mighty task; members of the Northern Illinois Conference for the When we are parched for the water of life and convocation of Reconciling Congregations, February hungry for the bread of heaven; 16-18, 1990. 15 • • Spring 1990 Codependence and Abuse in Lesbian/Gay Relationships C odependence is a name that describes behaviors resulting from internalized oppression, low selfesteem, emotional repression, loss of internal boundaries that protect an individual's sense of selfintegrity, and a sense of hypervigilance to the judgments, needs, wants, and feelings of others. For codependents, it is as if other people and situations have control of their individual sense of themselves. The ability to experience their own feelings and thoughts as their own may be impaired by being totally focused outside of themselves. In other words, codependents view their world from the outside in rather than from the inside out. Allowing others to define their own experience of self, they are unable to honor their own integrity while at the same time respecting the integrity of others as separate from their own. Particularly extreme forms of codependence are emotional, physical, and sexual abuse. Such abuse can occur in any dysfunctional relationship, whether heterosexual or lesbian/gay. It is hard enough for heterosexual persons to acknowledge the abusive relationships within their ranks. For lesbians and gay men, making this acknowledgment can be even tougher, due to fear of supporting the stereotypical perception that we are sick, depraved, and unable to love in a healthy manner. Nevertheless, when lesbian/gay abuse is kept "in the closet," the result can be even greater dysfunction. Codependence, Dysfunctional Families, and Children When a person grows up in a dysfunctional family, she or he will almost certainly become codependent to a greater or lesser degree. No one knows exactly what proportion of families in the United States is dysfunctional, but many authors feel that 90 to 95 percent of American families have some sort of serious dysfunction. This may reflect the stress placed on nuclear families as opposed to extended families, which had been the norm until 60 to 75 years ago. • 16 by Mary Gaul and Nancy VanArsdall Jones Dysfunctional families commonly share a variety of characteristics: a primary person causing stress (a "stressor") such as a workaholic, alcoholic, and/or emotionally absent parent; denial and delusion; absence of intimacy; shame-based, rigid roles. Individual needs are sacrificed to the family's system, and especially to reacting to or controlling the stressor. Emotional repression, combined with low-grade anger or depression, is the norm. Either open conflict or an unspoken agreement to never disagree exists, as do irrevocable rules manifested in perfectionism, control, and blame. The more each person in the family plays his or her role, the more the system stays the same. This unchanging, closed nature of the dysfunctional family makes it almost impossible to leave in a healthy manner. In other words, an individual in a dysfunctional family feels negated and violated. Children in such families are treated as objects to be controlled, as reflections or extensions of a parent or parents who need the children in order to feel complete. The result, of course, is the breeding of emotional hostages. They commonly exhibit such negative behavior as fits of rage, symptoms of emotional neglect and abandonment, and drunkenness, and eventually lose their own identity, their own connection with self. These children learn some basic core beliefs: Don't talk about feelings; It's best to deny wants and needs; You can't trust anyone to consider your wants or needs; Communication is best if it is indirect; Be strong, be right, be good, be perfect (unrealistic expectations); Don't be selfish; Don't rock the boat; Don't get caught; Do as I say, not as I do. And, unfortunately, these beliefs may lead the children, in turn, to become abusive once they reach adulthood. Codependence, Homophobia, and Lesbian/Gay Relationships As adults, feelings of love, caring, and needing are very threatening for the person who has experienced (or continues to experience) personal abuse and/or societal Open Hands oppression. These feelings not only can trigger a sense of shame, of inadequacy, of deprivation, of wanting the basic human need for love to be met; they can also lead to the terrifying fear that this need won't be met, sometimes evoking a sense of shame for even having such a need. American culture, like many cultures of the world, is one in which being a heterosexual, white male is the norm and people who don't fit into that norm find themselves without power. Codependence is the societal standard for relationships between men and womenthat is, men are dominant over women via power, money, career, and status. One result is the tragedy of battered women. Fifty percent of all battered women in heterosexual relationships stay in their relationships for economic reasons. As long as their children aren't battered, the battered women tolerate the abuse and try to work things out, due to their lack of personal financial resources. Similarly, lesbians and gay men generally carry the heterosexual model of dominance/submissiveness as the only model available in this culture for our intimate relationships. This situation is made still more complicated for us because we can internalize homophobia, carrying the same negative messages about homosexuality that society, church, family, and others have taught us. Most often, abuse in lesbian/gay relationships is not recognized. Instead, it is minimized and tolerated due to internalized homophobia, self-hatred, and adherence to the heterosexual patriarchal norm of codependence. Thus, gay or lesbian abusers victimize their partners verbally, emotionally, and/or physically as manifestations of their extreme need to control and dominate. Abusive episodes may be followed by expressed remorse, desperate pleas, promises of never "losing control" again, and/or efforts at convincing the abused that they brought the violence on themselves by their own behavior and therefore it is up to them to do something to prevent future abuse. In our opinion, gay/lesbian individuals generally remain in abusive relationships due to extreme codependence. Both the abuser and the abused suffer from internalized oppression, believing the previously mentioned stereotype that they are sick, depraved, and unable to experience healthy love. Gay/ lesbian couples maintain abusive relationships as long as they (like much of society) perceive themselves as less than human, unworthy of loving or being loved. Neither the abuser nor the abused is able to experience self-respect with the other. Talking openly about abuse in such relationships with therapists, social workers, legal officials, or other outsiders is very difficult. Reports of abuse are not taken seriously, are viewed as "normal" for "abnormal" homosexuals, and/or are considered "just dues" for sick perverts. Thus, gay/ lesbian people have greater difficulty than heterosexuals in seeking help if they desire it. Healing from Abusive Relationships Healing from abusive lesbian/gay relationship must include confronting the homophobia that is inherent in them, as well as nurturing a sense of self that can function without the need to control/dominate others or the need to be submissive to attain a feeling of being cared for. According to the German philosopher Johann Wolf- Spring 1990 gang von Goethe, partners in healthy, adult, loving relationships become the caretakers of each other's solitude. Life-affirming loving relationships have no dichotomy of dominance/submission. Each person sincerely desires and is committed to working within a context of mutuality and reciprocity. Being human means we all struggle with feelings of shame and fear of rejection and abandonment. Being healthy means we learn to tolerate these feelings, knowing that they are fears and feelings, that they will give way to other perceptions, and that numerous options for responding to such feelings are available. Being healthy as gay men and lesbians in an often hostile, sick culture means that we do not oppress ourselves; our sense of self, our integrity, is not defined by the culture anymore. The best hope for all people-heterosexual, lesbian/gay, and any other category-is to work at letting go of violence/dominance/submissive dynamics so that we can create a truly more gentle, reverent environment within the spirit, where the individual can embrace himor herself as a whole person and no longer be dominated by the feelings of fear and shame that dictate behavior in the chronic codependent model we have all been trained to accept as the norm. Mary GauL, Ed.D, and Nancy VanArsdall Jones, M.A., have a private practice in psychotherapy in IndianapoLis. They also pubLish Lavender Visions, a Lesbian feminist pubLication addressing spirituaLity, poLitics, culture, and other varied issues and topics. They may be contacted through Lavender Visions, P.O. Box 321, ZionsviLLe, IN 46077. 17 Resources LJ Addiction and Recovery-General Black, Claudia. Repeat after Me. Denver: MAC Publishing, 1985. Bradshaw, John. Bradshaw on: Healing the Shame that Binds You. Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 1988. Klaas, Joe. The 12 Steps to Happiness. Rev. ed. New York: Ballantine, 1990. Rosellin i, Gayle, and Worden, Mark. Barriers to Intimacy: For People Torn by Addiction and Compulsive Behavior. New York: Ballantine, 1990. Schaef, Anne Wilson. When Society Becomes an Addict. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1987. Sunshine, Linda, and Wright, John W. The 100 Best Treatment Centers for Alcoholism and Drug Abuse. New York: Avon, 1988. Bradshaw explores how shame can drive and reinforce compulsions, codependencies, and addictions, while Rosellini and Worden discuss the destructive effects that addictions and compulsive behaviors can have on developing and maintaining intimate relationships. Schaef looks at addictions as part of an all-encompassing societal matrix and shows us how to think and act more freely, challenging readers to move beyond their own dependency issues. Klaas breaks down the "12 steps" to explain them in ways applicable to anyone recovering through an Anonymous program, while Black presents a workbook that is designed for adult children of alcoholics but is helpful for anyone trying to identify and deal with feelings, behaviors, and family patterns. The 100 Best Treatment Centers in-eludes consideration of programs that specialize in treating lesbian/gay addicts or persons with AIDS. Chemical Dependence Alcoholics Anonymous. 3rd ed. New York: Alcoholics Anonymous, 1976. Allen, Chaney. I'm Black and I'm Sober. Minneapolis: CompCare, 1978. Kominars, Sheppard B. Accepting Ourselves: The Twelve-Step Journey of Recovery from Addiction for Gay Men and Lesbians. New York: Harper and Row, 1989. Mongeon, John E., and Ziebold, Thomas 0., eds. Gay and Sober: Directions for Counseling and Therapy. Binghamton, N.Y.: Harrington Park, 1985. Siegel, Larry, and Korcoh, Milan. AIDS: The Drug and Alcohol Connection. Center City, Minn.: Hazelden Foundation, 1989. V., Rachel. A Woman Like You: Life Stories of Women Recovering from Alcoholism and Addiction. New York: Harper and Row, 1985. Alcoholics Anonymous is the socalled Big Book presenting AA's program of recovery and 44 personal stories. Kominars evaluates the 12 steps from a gay/lesbian perspective, while Mongeon and Ziebold present scholarly essays exploring relationships between alcoholism and homosexuality. Siegel and Korcoh discuss the special role that providers of chemical dependency treatment have in dealing with people at high risk for AIDS. Allen tells her story of growing up in poverty as the daughter of a strict minister; of progressing into alcoholism-induced pain, blackouts, and violent relationships; and of dedicating her life to helping other alcoholics once she became sober. A Woman Like You presents the stories of 19 women from varied backgrounds who are all recovering from alcoholism or other addictions. Food Addiction Chernin, Kim. The Hungry Self: Women, Eating, and Identity. New York: Harper and Row, 1985. • Orbach, Susie. Fat Is a Feminist Issue II. New York: Berkley Publishing, 1982. Ray, Sondra. The Only Diet There Is. Berkeley, Calif: Celestial Arts, 1981. • Roth, Geneen. Breaking Free from Compulsive Eating. New York: Signet, 1984. Roth outlines a positive program • for resolving the conflicts at the root : of eating disorders so that one can • develop new eating habits and become more self-aware. Ray looks at • one's relationship to her-or himself • with activities to develop affirmations and positive strategies specific to that person; her premise is that negative • thoughts and feelings lead to negative eating patterns. Chernin examines contemporary female identity and its relationship to eating disorders, while Orbach offers a down-to-earth guide for women with activities designed to conquer compulsive eating. Sex Addiction Carnes, Patrick. Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction. Minneapolis: CompCare, 1983. Open Hands 18 Schaef, Anne Wilson. Escape from Intimacy-Untangling the "Love" Addictions: Sex, Romance, Relationships. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1989. What Everyone Needs to Know about Sex Addiction. Minneapolis: CompCare, 1989. Carnes's book is a landmark work for anyone concerned with sex addiction; he describes this addiction, family systems that can produce it, and the 12 steps to recovery. Schaef explores how addictions to sex, romance, and relationships are formed and how recovery can be possible. What Everyone Needs . . . offers a brief introduction to concepts of sex addiction and codependence, including 110 questions describing thought and behavior patterns of sex addicts and codependents. Codependence Beattie, Melody. Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself. New York: Harper and Row, 1987. and Beyond Codependency: And Getting Better All the Time. New York: Harper and Row, 1989. Bradshaw, John. Bradshaw on: The Family-A Revolutionary Way of Self-Discovery. Deerfield Beach, Fla.: Health Communications, 1988. Mellody, Pia. Facing Codependence. New York: Harper and Row, 1989. Schaef, Anne Wilson. Co-Dependence: Misunderstood-Mistreated. San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1986. Drawing on her own experience, Beattie discusses codependence and offers a plan for recovery in Codependent No More. In the sequel, she explores how to love, affirm, and nurture oneself. Bradshaw synthesizes ideas from various disciplines and draws them together to offer practical tools for moving away from codependence to self-acceptance, while Schaef traces the history and development of the concept of co• dependence and discusses its often confusing overlapping definitions; she also discusses the cultural context of codependence and its implications and treatment. Mellody discusses how one can acknowledge past abuse and learn to nurture oneself and one's children to end codependence's intergenerational cycle. National Organizations and Hotlines The following national contacts can : offer guidance to self-help and treatment programs in local areas across • the country. Adult Children of Alcoholics-P.O. Box 3216, 2522 W. Sepulveda Blvd., Suite 200, Torrance, CA 90505; 1-213-534-1815. Alcoholics Anonymous-Box 459, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10017; 1-212-686-1100. AI-Anon and Alateen (families and friends of alcoholics)-P.O. Box 862, Midtown Station, New York, NY 10018; 1-212-302-7240. 24-hour information line, 1-800-356-9996 (in NY, 1-800-245-4656) . Codependents Anonymous-P.0. Box 33577, Phoenix, AZ 85067; 1-602-944-0141. Food Addiction Hotline-1-800-U SA-0088 Narcotics Anonymous-P.0. Box 9999, Van Nuys, CA 91409; 1-818-780-3951. Nar-Anon {families and friends of drug addicts)-P.O. Box 2562, Palos Verdes, CA 90274; 1-213-547-5800. National Association of Lesbian and Gay Alcoholism Professionals (lesbian/gay-sensitive recovery programs)-204 W. 20th St., New York, NY 10011; 1-212-713-5074 National Council on Alcoholism-12 W. 21st St., New York, NY 10010; 1-800-NCA-CALL National Institute on Drug Abuse-I-800-662-HELP : Overeaters Anonymous-P.0. Box 92870, Los Angeles, CA 90009; 1-213-542-8363. • O-Anon (families and friends of compulsive overeaters)-P.O. Box 4305, San Pedro, CA 90731. • Sex Addicts Anonymous-P.0. Box 3038, Minneapolis, MN 55403; 1-612-339-0217. • Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous-P.O. Box 229, New Town Branch, Boston, MA 02258; 1-617 -332-1845. • Women for Sobriety (women alcoholics)-Box 618, Quakertown, PA 18951; 1-215-536-8026. · For More Resources • Yoder, Barbara. The Recovery Resource Book. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1990. The above resources are only a few • of the publications and organizations serving people with addictive be · haviors and their loved ones. Many more are examined in Yoder's comprehensive guide to recovery resources in the United States. Individual chapters focus on specific addictions and behaviors, such as alcoholism, abuse of street drugs, compulsive overeating, codependence, and love and sex addictions. Additional chapters address the "special issues" of dual disorders, incest and abuse, and AIDS. Within each chapter, selfhelp and treatment programs are profiled, national organizations and hotlines are noted, and worthwhile books and magazines are reviewed. The alcoholism chapter includes separate sections on resources for female, ethnic, older, gay/lesbian, deaf, and young alcoholics. Spring 1990 19 Special Report ~ As 200 voices exuberantly sang "Walls that divide are broken down, Christ is our unity!," bright sunshine broke through the heavy rainclouds that had hovered over San Francisco all day. This auspicious beginning to the second national convocation of Reconciling Congregations was a harbinger of the experience to come. They arrived from all around the country-from 25 different annual conferences. They endured flight delays and detours caused by Midwestern snowstorms and Bay Area rains. Many were skittish about encountering the national reconciling movement for the first time. Some came to ascertain what, if anything, the Reconciling Congregation Program had to offer their local church. Some came questioning whether there was any place left in the church for lesbians and gay men. Others came for spiritual nourishment and mutual support on their faith journey. This reconciling community gathered under the theme. Renewing the Vision: Parables of Hospitality, Healing, and Hope. They sang ...prayed ...told stories ...studied the Bible ... listened ...planned ...cheered ...laughed ... cried. They found a community that cared and loved each of its members unconditionally ...a community that gently nudged them forward on their faith journeys ...a community that envisioned a whole church which would be reconciled. The convocation ... had all the qualities of an oldfashioned Methodist camp meeting! Rev. Dennis Alexander Wesley UMC, Minneapolis Each of the three days of the convocation focussed on one aspect of the theme. Bishop Melvin Talbert set the tone of hospitality on Friday by welcoming participants to the San Francisco area of the United Methodist Church and challenging Reconciling Congregations to continue their faithful witness. The concern for healing was woven through the worship, Bible study, and workshops on Saturday. That night's gala banquet provided an experience of healing through celebration. Sunday's workshops, Bible study, and stirring closing worship expressed hope for the reconciling church. Symbolic of its desire to model the inclusive Body of Christ, the convocation included a special youth program. The youth present from around the country joined in the convocation worship and celebration, met separately for dialogue sessions, and trekked around San Francisco. About 35 of the persons present had also participated in the first gathering of Reconciling Congregations in Chicago in March, 1987-a watershed event in the history of this movement. One of these participants exclaimed as she left: "I didn't think any event could surpass the first convocation, but this one was even better!" Worship Common worship was an integral part of the weekend experience. The opening liturgy reminded participants that, even as a diverse group of persons, they shared a common journey. Preacher Jim Conn (pastor of the Church of Ocean Park in Santa Monica) dared participants to reveal even that which they think is The convocation ... was full of breath and life. It was symbolic of the way that the Holy Spirit is blowing through the UMC. Re\'. Dana Carroll Troy Conference • unspeakable about human sexuality-in • order to be prepared to offer complete • hospitality to the world. Conn's frank · language captured peoples' attention • and set a tone for seriously grappling • with the faith issues confronting om movement. Saturday's preacher, Rev. Janie Spahr (director of the Presbyterian More Light · Ministry in Marin County, California), reminded Reco)1ciling Congregations of the gift of healing they have to offer lesbians and gay men. She told delightful stories of seeing God's presence in the lives of lesbians and gay men. Spahr challenged the congregations to dare to dream of the day when the church will be freed of homophobia and heterosexism. The community then practiced this ministry of healing by anointing one another with healing oil and remembering that "until all are healed, all are wounded." Open Hands : 20 The convocation closed on Sunday afternoon, as it began, with worship. In her sermon, Reva Anderson (member of Central UMC in Toledo) challenged participants to return home with a message of hope. This task is not easy-so often the words of hopelessness confront us in society and in the church. Anderson reminded the community that the true hope to which our movement lays claim is in Jesus Christ. The worship closed with the Eucharistic meal. Participants gathered in an unbroken circle. Each participant was given seeds and commissioned to "go forth and plant these seeds in the soil of your congregation and community." While sharing the communion meal, the community sang "We are a gentle, loving people ...we are singing for our lives" and "We shall overcome someday." True to its Methodist roots, the convocation's worship was enlivened by rousing congregational singing. Several participants remarked that they'd love to take this congregation home with them in order to hear such spirit-filled singing more often. Bible Study One plenary session each day was devoted to Bible study. Co-leader Joan Martin (codirector of the Church and World Institute at Temple University) was unable to attend due to a family emergency. Rev. Art Brandenburg (district superintendent in the Eastern Pennsylvania Conference) ably assumed the full mantle of leadership. The Bible studies were conducted with small groups gathered around tables in the large hall. In an introductory session on Friday afternoon, Brandenburg invited each small group to use remembered Bible passages to construct a call to justice for our movement. These messages were shared on Friday night in what many participants thought was one of the most stirring parts of the weekend. The large hall grew very still as individual voices offered hope-filled words from our tradition, for example: Let us remember that perfect love casts out fear, for God so loved the world, not just this group or that group, for God shows no partiality. It is God's truth that shall set us free. God is in Christ, reconciling the world unto God's self. Blessed are you when people persecute you for righteousness' sake, then justice shall roll down like water and righteousness like an everflowing stream! Murmurs of "amen" and "yes, Lord" were offered in thanksgiving for each of these gifts. As one participant remarked, the convocation "claimed the Bible as a source of strength and revelation, and longed for that day when the Spring 1990 Bible ceased to be used as a weapon against lesbians and gay men." Through worship, Bible study, workshops, meals, and conversation, the focus was constantly to seek the healing and wholeness of God that would liberate us. Lois Seifert Claremont UMC Claremont, California Friday night's session looked at the sometimes troubling story of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 11 for what it can reveal to us about being a "people of hospitality." Saturday's lively session centered on the story of Jesus healing . the possessed man (Legion) among the tombs in the Gospel of Mark. The final session dealt with Jesus' post-Resurrection appearance on the road to Emmaus in the Lukan gospel. Brandenburg continually challenged the community to translate the Biblical stories to the contemporary setting-to discern the Biblical message in the context of their lives. Persons responded enthusiastically to this challenge and discovered messages which were humorous, illuminating, and inspiring. Workshops Sets of workshops were offered on Saturday and Sunday. The workshops dealt with the concrete reality of local church ministries-how reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men can be enhanced and how the national movement can be strengthened. Participants found the workshops to be a welcome opportunity to talk about the joys and the struggles of their particular congregations and to hear the stories of others. A workshop on "How RCs Are Growing" used Wallingford UMC in Seattle as a case study of how a local church can use being a Reconciling Congregation as a tool for church growth. "Opening Dialogue" offered resources and discussion on beginning the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. "Lesbian/Gay Politics American Style" provided ideas and support for local churches advocating lesbian/gay rights in their local COill21 munities. Witnessing to and building support for the Reconciling Congregation Program in annual conferences and regions was dealt with in "Sharing the Vision of Reconciliation." Strengthening the linkages between Reconciling Congregations across the country was the subje~; of "Empowering our RC Network. The love {shown} at the convocation was unconditional. No wonder Reconciling Congregations are growing. Mike Alexander Bethany UMC, San Francisco Other workshops developed skills in dealing with lesbian/gay concerns in racial minority communities, engaging in ministries with persons with AIDS and families of lesbians and gay men, using storytelling for spiritual growth, and educating children and youth about sexuality. The workshops were all led by skilled volunteers from Reconciling Congregations and other friends of the movement. This diversity of proficient and creative leaders again testifies to the strength of this movement. Celebration Convocation participants took a needed break on Saturday afternoon to explore San Francisco, while preparations were being made for the banquet that evening. A local team, led by Jerry Brown (Calvary UMC) and Lorraine Moore (Bethany UMC), transformed the meeting hall into a festive rainbow of colors and cooked a splendid meal (in a site with no kitchen facilities). During the evening's celebration, Bishop Melvin and Lucile Wheatley were recognized for their steadfast witness to the reconciling movement over many years. Mark Bowman and Beth Richardson received a special award for envisioning and providing national leadership to the Reconciling Congregation Program during the past five years. A focal point of the celebration was a 12' x 12' quilt symbolizing the reconciling movement. Each Reconciling Congregation had been invited before the convocation to create a panel which was representative of their particular community. These panels were stitched together, interwoven with the convocation theme of "hospitality, healing, and hope," by Charles Berkstresser (Bethany UMC). This huge tapestry was then hung on the front wall of the hall. During the banquet, a member of each congregation was invited to briefly describe its panel. The community applauded and cheered as delightful stories and new meanings were revealed for each individual panel. The quilt is now being displayed at Bethany UMC in San Francisco and will be available to travel to other Reconciling Congregations around the country. Unquestionably, the highlight of the celebration, and perhaps the whole weekend, was the premiere performance of Paschal Pains and Platitudes: A Flower Song. Julian Rush (St. Paul's UMC in Denver) wrote this original musical for the reconciling movement. Sixteen volunteers from among the convocation participants gathered early Friday morning, before the convocation opened, to begin rehearsing for the performance. Under Rush's direction, they rehearsed for the next 36 hours whenever possible-during program breaks, during meals, and late at night-to prepare for the Saturday night premiere. Their performance was a smashing success. Paschal Pains and Platitudes is a parable of hospitality. Flowers live securely in rich soil within the garden wall. The flowers consider the "gulus," who live outside the wall, to be weeds and bar them from entering the garden. This convocation is a reality check for me-it affirms that I'm not the only person crazy enough for God to go out on a limb with the UMC. Chip Aldridge Dumbarton UMC Washington, D.C. Even when one of the gulus becomes ill and needs the nourishment of the garden soil, the flowers remain adamant in their exclusion. When the sick gulu dies, the rest angrily plan to storm the garden wall. However, the gulus' energy is redirected to another member who Open Hands 22 has fallen sick. The tension builds and the performers remind us that this impasse is not resolved-there is still no "happy ending" to this story. The audience was captivated by the melodious songs and diversity of musical styles which Rush wrote for Paschal Pains and Platitudes. The performers were mightily cheered for the ability to learn and perform the musical in less than two days. Of course, many participants asked to get a copy of the musical to perform in their local communities. The musical has not yet been transcribed (Rush accompanied the performance himself without written music). But plans are under way for the Reconciling Congregation Program to publish the musical in the next few months. Youth Activities As one sign of the movement's resolve for the future, Reconciling Congregations were invited to send a youth representative to the convocation. Five youths participated--each from a different part of the country: Ohio, Wisconsin, Illinois, Oregon, and California. After participating in the opening sessions, the youth retreated to their own space to get to know one another. The youth soon discovered their commonalities and bonded into their own family-they were often seen bounding arOlllld . arm-in-arm. In their own sessions, the youth talked about their experiences in Reconciling Congregations. They discussed their relationships with lesbians and gay men-as parents or friends or fellow Christians. They talked about ways they could be a witness in their congregations and in their peer groups, helping to overcome fears and prejudices. The convocation was an exciting experience of making great friends, sharing ideas, and just having fun ....many times better than I expected. Elizabeth Bowman Cleveland, Ohio IVIost importantly to them, the youth toured around San Francisco-riding on the cable cars, visiting the Hard Rock Cafe, and shopping in the waterfront shops. The significance of the youths' presence in the convocation was demonstrated by their leadership role in the closing worship service. Going Forth Hugs, smiles, and tears were lovingly exchanged as this newly formed family dispersed to their local communities on Sunday afternoon. Reconciling Congregation members carried new ideas and renewed energy back to their local churches. Others departed with a heightened resolve to lead their congregations toward becoming reconciling communities. Church leaders conveyed stories a'ld images of this vibrant movement of United Methodists that is leading the larger church to a new expression of the family of God. Lesbians and gay men returned home to recreate the true experience of "home" that they discovered at the convocation. Overall, the convocation was striking evidence that the reconciling movement has come of age and will play a prominent role in the future of the church. The convocation was truly a model of what the community of faith, the inclusive Body of Christ, can be. At the same time, the convocation empowered its participants to return home to witness and work to create that community in their own congregations. The Reconciling Congregation Program ...is our best hope to move the UMC toward effective faithfulness in the '90s, to make it a "decade of destiny"-and to set the agenda for the 21st century. Rev. Charles Straut District superintendent New York Conference As one expression of the conviction to be a strong, leavening force in the church, the Reconciling Congregation Program established new direction for the national movement. A ten member board of directors was elected and commissioned to provide leadership and guidance for the national movement. They will be working with the leadership of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian and Gay Concerns, the organization which birthed and nurtured the reconciling movement, to define organizational relationships which will further the movement for justice for lesbians and gay men. Rejoice, people of God! The seeds of hope live in you, and God makes all this possible. Spring 1990 23 Rep Report New Reconciling Congregations Prospect Park UMC (Afinneapolis, Afinnesom) Prospect Park is a small, but diverse, congregation of about 200 members located near the University of Minnesota. Many students and visiting professors are active in the church. Several lesbian families are also part of the congregation. Programming is available for many age levels. An active adult education program on Sunday morning covers a wide range of subjects, including study of books that severa}. church members have published. The church also has a large Sunday school for children. In addition, Prospect Park offers a quilters' group for seniors, an active men's group, and a young adult group. The church sponsors several retreats each year to provide opportunities for spiritual growth and fellowship. Prospect Park also takes seriously its responsibility to be in ministry with others outside its congregation. It holds ecumenical services and events through the year with other churches in the community. It also supports several mission projects, including a local community center and food shelf, and a children's orphanage in Africa. First UMC of Germantown (Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) First UMC is one of the older congregations in Philadelphia, having been founded in 1796. The congregation is located in the historic Germantown neighborhood. The congregation is very diverse with membership of just over 900. It is a racially integrated congregation and has a diversity of family units and single person of all ages. First UMC is a "sanctuary congregation" and has been very active in Central American issues. It has sponsored several refugee families from Guatemala who are now U.S. citizens. It sent observers to the recent Nicaraguan elections. The congregation has an active Commission on Religion and Race and has been very intentional about dialogue on racism. The congregation is planning a visit with Nelson Mandela during his trip to the United States. Its Commission on the Status and Role of Women has engaged the congregation in study and action on women's concerns. A celebration was recently held on "Women's Work." * * * * * We welcome Prospect Park UMC and First UMC of Germantown as the 43rd and 44th Reconciling Congregations. RCs Testify Before Study Committee Representatives from several Reconciling Congregations in the Northeast were among the 47 persons testifying before the UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality at its first "listening post" or field hearing on April 28 in Madison, New Jersey. Members of Reconciling Congregations and other interested United Methodists are encouraged to attend and testify before the five remaining listening posts: • Park Ridge, Ill., Aug. 18, 1990 • Portland, Oreg., Sept. 30, 1990 • Claremont, Calif., Oct. 6, 1990 • Oklahoma City, Okla., Oct. 6, 1990 • Nashville, Tenn., date to be announced Please call David Lundquist's office at the General Council on Ministries (513/227-9400) for exact locations. Upcoming Affirmation Meeting The fall meeting of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns is planned for September • 13-15, 1990, in Washington D.C. For • information, write Affirmation, P.O. · Box 1021, . Evanston, IL 60204. · Holy Union Controversy Actions by two Reconciling Con• gregations publicly supporting "holy unions" for lesbian or gay couples • have incurred the opposition of their • UMC conference leaders. On May 3, after several months of • study and preparation, Dumbarton • UMC (Washington, D.C.) adopted a • statement entitled ''An Understanding · of Lesbian/Gay Holy Unions." The • public announcement of this state• ment along with the plans for a • union service for a lesbian couple in • the congregation received media • attention across the country. Dumbarton leaders were-called to a special meeting with their bishop a few days later, in which they were told that they would be breaking UMC law if such a service were held in their building and that charges could be brought against their pastor. In a congregational meeting the following Sunday, the congregation reaffirmed its statement while deciding to hold the particular service in another church building so as not to jeopardize the position of their pastor. In a related development, U niversity UMC (Madison, Wisconsin) received local media attention about their holy unions along with the Dumbarton coverage. In 1986, in consultation with their conference's leaders, University had developed a policy on celebrating lesbian or gay relationships. A week after the local news story, University received a letter from the current conference leaders disallowing any future holy unions. At this time, both congregations are in dialogue with their respective conference officials to seek clearer understandings of how they can carry out their ministries of blessing lesbian/gay relationships. Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 5 No 4 - Journeys to Recovery and Wholeness https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/4e8aa9ae3149b1efecf1d99186dad28b.pdf 3db310b6fa8383f96c61d66945b20518 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 6 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1990 Table of Contents The table of contents of the issue Summer Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine . ? If·lS to yours. . .. zt lS, gzve me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 6 No. 1 Summer 1990 Telling Our Stories Ministries of Inclusiveness - Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Open Hands is published by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc., as a resource for the Reconciling Congregation Program. It addresses concerns of lesbians and gay men as they relate to the ministry of the church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches who publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and .."ho welcome lesbians and gay men into their community. In this network, Reconciling Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Together these congregations offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Resource persons are available locally to assist a congregation that is seeking to become a Reconciling Congrega tion. Information about the program can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program p.o. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 2021863-1586 Vol. 6 No. 1 Summer 1990 ----~-----------------------------------------Reconciling Ministries: Including, Evangelizing, Leading ..... .... . 4 Kim A. Smith Reconciling Congregations in Profile . ...... . .... ......... .... ... . 7 Margarita 1. Will Breaking Out of the Large Church Mold ......... . ......... .. ... .. 8 Irene Morrissey Our Journey: From Fear to Inclusion ..... .... ... .... .. ..... . .....9 Charles Anderson Taking a Stand in a Small Town . ... ......... ............ . ... . ... 11 Margie Sims "We All Belong Together" ........ .. ....... ....... ..... . .... .... 12 Bradley Rymph Growing in Faith and Numbers ... ..... .. ...... 17 Dale McCurdy Witnessing to My Faith ...... ....... ... . ...... . . . .......... .. ... 18 Sylvia Bouton Resources .. ....... ....... .............. . ....... .... ..... .. .. . . 14 Resources for Reconciling Ministries Planning a Study Series Making a Presentation Sustaining the Spirit . ........ .. ....... . ... ..... ................20 Letters ..................... . .... ....... .. . ... . .... ..... ..... .. 21 R CP Report ........... . ... .... ... ........... .. ......... ... ....22 Reconciling Ministries: Including, Witnessing to My Faith ....... 18 Evangelizing, Leading ........ .4 2 Open Hands Telling Our Stories: Ministries of Inclusiveness Storytelling lies at the heart of our Christian faith. Our foremothers and forefathers passed on wondrous stories of God's saving acts in history. Jesus used stories to illustrate his proclamation of God's Word. The stories told by Jesus' followers represented Jesus' life, death, and resurrection as God's redemptive act. Participants in the second national gathering of Reconciling Congregations last February recounted and told stories. In fact, most participants stated that sharing stories with members of other Reconciling Congregations was the most valuable part of the weekend. Storytelling is a vital part of our national movement affirming local church ministries with lesbians and gay men. A story is a vehicle through which we convey our understanding of truth-how we understand the world around us and God's activity in that world. When we listen to the stories of other persons, we begin to get a larger picture of that truth. Hearing the stories of congregations in our reconciling movement allows us to discern how God's Spirit is at work in our movement. This issue of Open Hands presents stories of many Reconciling Congregations. Woven through these stories are a series of messages that depict the state of our movement within the United Methodist Church and other mainline denominations. We hear that our movement is growing rapidly. Our movement is increasingly representative of our church and society: urban and rural churches; small and large churches; churches that are racially and ethnically diverse. Our movement is engaged in inclusive ministries beyond just lesbian/gay concerns. God's Spirit is at work transforming the lives of individuals and communities through the ministry of reconciliation. For those of you who are already engaged in this interdenominational movement, this issue of Open Hands provides you with a larger picture of where our movement is today and some insights into where we are going. You will also find tools for evangelism-practical suggestions for proclaiming the good news of our movement to others. For others who are interested in this movement, this issue provides some practical resources and ideas to assist you and your congregation in grappling with issues of reconciliation with lesbians and gay men. You are invited to use these resources to become an active participant in God's reconciling movement. ~ Next Issue's Theme: Holy Unions: Blessing Lesbian/Gay Relationships Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Bradley Rymph Editorial Assistant Van Dixon Graphic Design Supon Design Group Open BlWds is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Reprints of certain articles are available as indicated in the issue. Subscriptions, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, DC 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1990 by Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay Concerns. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 Summer 1990 3 . Reconciling Ministries: Including, Evangelizing, Leading by Kim A. Smith d d that didn't ask h I've atten e h "It's the first churc "ys a single mot er, h band was, sa .. ' 10 me where my us B th ny after VISltmg over . . taV at e a decldmg to s . . . S' n FrancIsco. , . churches m a b' t for Fillpmos , t n easy SlL Jec . h "Homosexuali~7 lS no a la leader, the patnarc to talk about, con~eysw~ m~ke up 20% of our of an extended fa~1l1y" t what if one of my, sons hurch membershIP· B,u, l' gay? I want hlm to c h ame lS' . [ages 7 and 11 at t e h he knows that he lS groW up in a church ; ;r;onsider raisi~g. my s~ns welcome and accepte . of my mmlStry. d Christians to be pa,rt did not feel as goo . God If my sons ot be servmgld n wou d" loved and accepte . h here there are no . "My friend attends a c7:~~ re~tes one of our ~emor children or young peo)l h that about two-thlrds of members. "When I te ~: a e of 40, she gets our members are under t ;u do it,) she asks. ~ tears in her eyes. (Ho~ ~:~t to consider becommg tell her that her churc , , " 'l' g Congregatwn . a ReconCl m There is no universal formula to being a Reconciling Congregation (RC) within the United Methodist Church. More than likely, the members of any R C are not a homogeneous group of people, nor are all the congregations themselves alike. The same is true of the parallel movements in other mainline Protestant denominations. Whether a congregation calls itself More Light (Presbyterian), Reconciled in Christ (Lutheran), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ or Christian Church-Disciples of Christ), or Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist), it is certain to include a beautifully diverse assortment of people. And it is also certain to have its own image of its role in the witness and ministry of Christ's gospel. Yet each of these congregations-no matter what its denomination, location, or individual makeup-shares one common commitment: to strive for an inclusiveness that welcomes all persons into their faith communities and to practice reconciling ministries wherever the Spirit may lead. As members of these congregations, we are a people who have moved (or are moving) beyond the basic question of merely accepting lesbian and gay members. Instead, we ask whether we can exclude anyone from our local church's ministry. We know that there are many groups of people who have often been excluded from the life of the church-not just gay men and lesbians but also people of color, children, and women. Probably none of our congregations has perfected inclusiveness. But I trust that we at least struggle with inclusiveness as an issue of justice, and as the cutting edge for the life of our communities. : 4 We are also a people who work for justice and peace in many ways and on many levels. When I review the newsletters I receive from several Reconciling Congregations, I am struck at the level of concern and activity among even the smallest churches. (A statistical profile of Reconciling Congregations responding to a national survey is offered by Margarita I. Will on page 7.) Congregations engaged in reconciling ministries often become models as churches that practice prophetic service and witness in their communities and for their denominations. Several pastors in the California-Nevada Annual Conference of the United Methodist Church have expressed admiration of the "courage" of Bethany, the church I serve as pastor, to be an active Reconciling Congregation. By our very being, we challenge the UMC to reflect not only on its policies and practices around homosexuality, but also on the hard questions of inclusion and exclusion, the outreach of God's love, and the way we reflect God's creation. We seem to confront the system whether we do so directly or not (and often whether we want to or not!). A former parishioner of mine calls this "being a tree in the road." She notes that in rural areas the routes of even major roads are modified in order to accommodate large and old trees, because the presence of the tree is so valuable. The road is built around the tree! Our congregations continue to be trees in the road. By our existence, we cause the way to be altered or moved. A II these congregations are a distinctive and specific expression of Christian community. By definition, we are congregations that intentionally include gay men and lesbians in all aspects of our ministries. In this way, we have decided to define ourselves by the relationships we invite, encourage, nourish, and celebrate. This includes relationships not only with lesbians and gay men but with all persons Open Hands who seek an open and loving Christian fellowship. The life we share is determined by the relationships we keep. In his book The Bible Makes Sense, theologian Walter Brueggemann offers an unusual perspective about relationships in the faith community. He frames his discussion within the concepts of death and life. He writes: The Bible has notions of life and death which are very different from those we have today . . . The Bible understands life and death in covenantal categories. Life means to be significantly involved in a community of caring, meaning and action, while death means to be excluded from such a community or denied access to its caring, meaning and action. A German scholar, Jungel, has recently shown that life in the Bible means relatedness. Conversely death is to be unrelated. [Now] this is a two-sided issue. On the one hand, life is a task. It is work which is assigned to a community and which the community must intentionally undertake. The other side is that life is a free gift. It is pure gift. It is new life in renewed relations. It is the continuing task of maturing for every faith community to embrace both realities that life is task and that life is free gift.! To invite, create, and celebrate relationships is to invite life itself. As I reflect on Brueggemann's ideas, I begin to substitute "reconciliation" for "life." Reconciliation is a relationship, seeking to be in honest, open, and caring affiliation with another. To be engaged in reconciling ministries means to offer a place where such relationships can be developed-to be significantly involved in a practicing community of caring, meaning, and actionwhile fighting the death of being excluded from such a community or denied access to its caring, meaning, and action. Reconciliation and its practice are both a gift Summer 1990 and a task. The ministries we ordain and pursue under the umbrella of reconciliation are both a task and gift. An examination of our tasks and gifts is a ,..,ay of looking at where we are going. One of our tasks as a reconciling people is continuing to make connections and build networks. We can expand our alliances with other movements and communities that are formulated around • spirituality linked with justice. This can mean, for exam-. pIe, working with local congregations that belong to parallel programs in other denominations. Many local churches are the only congregation in their denominational program in their judicatory, lending a sense of isolation and loneliness. But when we think of these other churches as travelers on the same path, then we are no longer the only one! Reaching out to other churches with a similar affinity is an absolute necessity. What's more, building common ministries, including worship services and outreach programs, can only strengthen our ministries. We must also reach out to other spiritually based communities, not defined as Christian or as a church. In San Francisco, we find it vital to encourage strong relationships with the gay/lesbian community. Long before churches got involved, members of this community and those who were becoming the "AIDS community" were caring for people with AIDS (PWAs) and their families. Churches are often relative newcomers to the AIDS crisis. At Bethany, I must acknowledge that I • have much to learn about ministry with PWAs from members of the lesbian and gay community, who have become expert caregivers. It is they who, from the begin-• ning, were bringing the good news of healing, hope, and . love to PWAs. I am reminded of the story of the Samaritan woman at the well, who, in the Gospel of John, is the first person to tell non-Jews about Jesus the Christ. She is an outcast: a woman, a Samaritan, a person judged morally • unacceptable to the community. She is an outsider, yet she is the one who recognizes Jesus as the Christ and shares this good news with the very ones who have rejected her. The one on the outside instructs and invites those on the inside to a new relationship with God. Many on the outside of the church can teach us about the love of God and humankind. Communities and movements that come to mind include the gay/lesbian community, the recovery movement, the feminist movement, and other movements of liberation. It is essential that we build good, mutual relationships with these communities and movements. T he story of the Samaritan woman also reminds me that it is our job to share the good news of Jesus' love and healing for all people. It is time for us to proclaim ourselves as evangelists and reclaim 5 the field of evangelism. In recent decades, the term evangelistic has, for many, become synonymous with conservative. I balk at this analogy. Theologically, I may be classified as liberal or progressive, but I am also evangelistic. Evangelism has everything to do with proclaiming God's love for all and little to do with a particular theological stance. Congregations engaged in reconciling ministries may claim their roles as evangelists by offering to help other congregations in the process of discussion and study leading to a decision to publicly • join their movements. Bethany is currently targeting several local United Methodist churches that seem to be potential Reconciling Congregations, writing to encourage their leadership to consider the RC program, as well as offering help with speakers, seminars, etc. Local RCs can become evangelists for the movement by working for their annual conference to become a Reconciling Conference, and congregations in other denominations often can undertake similar witnesses in their • jurisdictions. The future of the various congregational programs in our multidenominational movement will be stronger as we develop, encourage, and invest in lay-led ministries. Each of us in the Church is a minister by virtue of our baptism and/or membership. Some of us choose to become ordained pastors, but the true ministers of a congregation are all those who are active in the life and mission of the local church. In the United Methodist Church, Reconciling Congregations will be less vulnerable to the whims of the appointment system if their lay leadership is skilled and strong. In congregations of any denomination, programs will remain more stable through pastoral changes if lay leadership is predominant. In addition, our journey as congregations working toward reconciliation must include strategic planning. On the local church level, our congregations can include support for their denominational program (Reconciling Congregation, More Light, or whatever) as one element in our goals and objectives. On the national level, we must continue to target where we want to go and the best ways for getting there. As each of our programs develops as an independent organization, specific and strategic goals and objectives will be essential to keep alive our mission. Finally, we must remember that reconciliation is a free gift, shared by God and with one another. The late theology professor Joseph Weber wrote that reconciliation is not something deserved or earned but is the movelTlent of God. "Our reconciliation to God," he said, "has given us back our genuine humanity as children of God. Reconciliation is an objective, effective, divine change of reality."2 These free and loving gifts are many. In particular, I can think of two "gifts" that are shared with congregations engaged in reconciling ministries as we move into the future. The first gift is the presence of the Holy Spirit. Yes, the Holy Spirit! As we struggle to pay bills, keep up attendance, and address the issues that face us, it is easy to forget that the Spirit is with our congregations and our movement, guiding us, uplifting us, and inspiring us. But how do we know where the Spirit is leading us? In the Gospel of John, Jesus ties the evidence of the Spirit's presence and guidance to the love we share with one another and the world. The Holy Spirit is manifested where love and acceptance, not exclusion, is practiced. Who is coming through our doors? Who is here? Who is seeking spiritual community with us? If we look at who is coming to our churches for our ministry, then we can see where the Spirit is leading us. The movement of the Spirit is evidenced by the people God sends to us. Yes, I believe God sends us people. Each person is a gift of the Spirit. The needs, dreams, and desires of people who are currently friends and members, and those yet to come, can guide us in our ministry. The people who come through our doors are gifts from God, who indicate for us the direction of our mission and ministry. A second gift comes from the pronouncements on community that Jesus shares in the Beatitudes. The sermon focuses on the various ways of being "blessed." The word that Jesus uses is makarios, which means more than blessed. Makanos was a term used to describe a joy that is internal, that is based in the very core of an individual person. It is a joy that is completely independent of al the changes and chances of life. Therefore, a more accurate translation might be: "the joy of being a peacemaker" or "the joy of humility." This frames an important question: "What brings us our joy?" Another way of stating this question is "Where are we blessed and how can we be a blessing?" or "As a community, where is our passion, and how will we express it in ministry?" If our movement is to stay alive and vital, we must continually ask ourselves these questions. Such queries keep before us our mission. The responses we make to these questions can provide both a touchstone of reality and a sense of vision. What a gift to be able to follow our passions and to focus on ministries that bring us great joy! The greatest gift we have, as individuals and as a movement, also brings with it a task. This important gift is our power: the power of our being, the power of our faith, the power of our faithfulness. Before he died from AIDS, longtime Affirmation leader 4le Loder wrote: "The greatest power we have is the power to decide to whom we will give the power to define who we are."3 Who will have the power to define who we arethat is, who will have the power over our life as a movement, over the life of each of our congregations, over our individual lives? It is WE who have that power, and how we utilize that power will determine the future of the movement of congregations of any denomination as they commit themselves to the quest of reconciling ministries . .. Notes 1. Walter Brueggemann. The Bible Makes Sense (Louisville, Ky: Westminster/John Knox, 1977). 2. Joseph Weber, "Reconciliation Rediscovered," Manna for the Journey I, no. I (985), p. 9. 3. Lyle Loder, paraphrasing Peggy Way in an address to the United Methodist National Consultation on AIDS Ministries, November 12-15, 1987. Excerpt printed in "Choosing Life with Power," Open Hands, Summer 1988, p. 7. Kim A. Smith is pastor of Bethany UMC in San Francisco and chair of the Board of Directors of the Reconciling Congregation Program. Open Hands 6 Reconciling Congregations in Proflle by Margarita I. Will If you have just become a Reconciling Congregation, you are probably wondering what lies in your future. If you are considering becoming a Reconciling Congregation, what can you anticipate and when? Or if you have taken this stand for five years, what has actually happened? To begin to answer these and other questions, a questionnaire was distributed to all 43 RCs in February. Answers from 29 churches have been received, a 62% return. We concentrated on getting responses from the 15 Reconciling Congregations that made their decision prior to 1986 and received replies from 12 of them. These we compared with newer RCs. Observations reported here reflect the information we received. I f a Reconciling Congregation had been previously involved in lesbian/gay issues, it continued to be so involved. If it had just become interested as it decided to become an RC, it has taken two or more years for significant changes to occur. Most RCs are churches with smaller memberships (40 to 330 average attendance, one with only 15). However, a few larger congregations of 500 to 1200 members have recently become RCs (see articles on pages 8-10. Size is not necessarily a determinant of effectiveness. Even a small congregation (attendance of 15 to 25) can have a strong impact in its commllllity and annual conference. All responding churches are actively involved in a wide range of social justice issues and have been for some time. Human rights, South Africa, peace, and Central America (including sanctuary) have received major attention, with the homeless and the hungry topping the list. Ministries to persons living with AIDS have increased and taken a larger proportion of people's time in several churches. Overall, the survey shows continuity of interest in all social areas, with an increase in gay/lesbian concerns in most cases. Many of the congregations that are actively involved • with societal problems reported a growing percentage of · younger members with 35% to 75% of their present : membership being in the 20-to 40-year-old range. This : increase has included YOllllger singles, couples, and • families with yOllllg children. Most congregations re• porting did not seem to feel this was due primarily to • being an RC. Two active churches reported that 60% of • the congregation was over 60 years of age. Only two con• gregations reported that a few of the long-time members • had left their churches. Most of the reporting congregations have been in dia• logue with other United Methodist churches and with • other denominations about their becoming RCs. Newer • Res reported that contact with other RCs was helpful in • their own decision-making process. Dialogue undertaken with churches strongly opposed • to the RC position hasn't seemed to change many opin• ions but is still helpful. Wallingford Church in Seattle • reported, "Results [from such discussions] were mixed, • but most participants felt that the dialogue enhanced • Summer 1990 mutual understanding and sharpened the issues involved." When asked " Have you experienced hostility from annual conference leaders? ," most congregations said no (17 of 22), though the others felt there had been subtle negative comments made privately. Sixteen churches said they had received "actions and expressions of support from bishops, district superintendents, and other church leaders." Examples given of such support were: • A bishop publicly affirmed the Reconciling Congregation movement at an RC dinner at annual conference. • A district superintendent stated that "This is a continuation of the congregation's struggle for justice." • Another superintendent said, "Your role as a Reconciling Congregation holds out a vision for all of us." M ore churches have experienced hostility from the surrOllllding commllllity (9 out of 25) than from the annual conference. In one case this was expressed in letters, phone calls, and sly remarks related to the congregation's support of local ordinances protecting rights of lesbians and gay men. St. Paul's in Denver recalled that during the early 1980s, before it became an RC, community opposition to their support of gay/lesbian issues became "explicit, frightening, and gruesome." All of the Reconciling Congregations answering affirm and use tHe gifts, talents, and leadership of their lesbian/gay members. Those members actively chair committees and administrative councils, participate in all worship areas, teach children in Sllllday school, lead and sing in choirs, and serve as greeters, church treasurers, financial secretaries, lay members of annual conference, and paid staff. The fact that RCs include gay men and lesbians as teachers in their church schools reflects certain convictions. One, that lesbians and gay men do not try to indoctrinate children with their sexual orientation. And two, that by their very presence as teachers, they exemplify the view that sexual orientation is innate and therefore to be accepted as God-given. Fourteen of the 29 reporting congregations have had pastoral changes since becoming RCs. All report receiving a supportive new pastor, and most had helpful consultations with the district superintendent in the process. All in all, Reconciling Congregations report being empowered and fulfilled in their ministry and have no regrets for the actions they have taken and, in fact, actively recommend the process to others! • Margarita 1. Will, a member of WaLLingford UMC in Seattle, chaired her church 's RC liaison committee. She is also liaison between her church and Beacon House, a residence for persons living with AIDS. She is bilingual and translates for lawyers doing pro bono work with Salvadoran and Guatamalan clients. 7 Breaking Out of the Large Chuch Mold by Irene Morrissey First UMC, Oneonta, New York • First United Methodist Church in Oneonta, N.Y., is one of the largest (800 + members) and wealthiest • churches in the Wyoming Annual Conference (containing parts of northeastern Pennsylvania and southeastern : New York state). Our decision to become a Reconciling Congregation did not come quickly or easily-or is yet a • comfortable thing for all members of the church. Several • years ago Wyoming Conference voted to become a Rec• onciling Conference (a decision which has since been • rescinded). The following year the annual conference • issued a mandate to all local churches to study the issue of homosexuality and the ruling of the General Con• ference excluding homosexual persons from ordination • and thus from full participation in the life of the church. During the church year, we normally hold two adult • seminars that deal with the social and theological issues • of the church. The Issues Class of the Sunday school studies additional issues and often recommends that fur· ther study be done in a seminar or similar forum. • Drawing on local resources-Oneonta is home to two • colleges-we organize and present studies during Sunday school time, as a five-week Lenten series, and in co· operation with the United Methodist Women. We have : studied the bishops' letter on nuclear war, issues on the · environment, Native Americans, and hunger and homelessness locally and internationally, and have been in• strumental in organizing our area's Habitat for Human• ity. We have an active, growing church-so study on the issues of exclusion from the church seemed a natural. : The Issues Class had already discussed our disagreement with that infamous section of the United Metho• dist Social Principles (para. 71F) stating that the practice of homosexuality is incompatible with Christian · teaching. We also discussed the exclusion of lesbians and • gay men from ordination (para. 402.2). We found these : to be the only areas where the church discriminated · against any of God's creation. Since we all had friends • family, colleagues, pastors, etc., who were lesbian/gay, ' we felt we needed to do something about it. After the conference mandate, the Issues Class was • asked to present a seminar. We decided we did not want · this particular issue to begin and end in our Sunday school class. Often we "deal" with the issues, and the · majority of the church then doesn't have to think about • it and everyone's conscience is cleared. So we refused • and asked that a task force consisting of all the commissions of the church be formed. The task force explored resources and available • speakers and asked for a block of six Sundays during Sunday school time to be set aside for the seminar. • Publicity was well planned and placed in every conceivable place. Seminars are always well attended-all · 8 three adult classes, usually the youth classes, members not usually in a class, and persons from other churches and the community. We wanted this one to be especially well attended. The first session was conducted by a resource person from Wyoming Conference. We discussed the related Social Principles passages and the judgment the church and society place on all persons we declare "different." Our own prejudices and prejudgments about what is or isn't "sin" were also discussed. We had ordered copies of everything available through the Reconciling Congregation Program, including the newly released book And God Loves Each One. These !o I were available for members to read before, during, and following the seminar. The following Sundays we viewed and discussed the video "Casting Out Fear," our pastor spoke on the biblical and theological aspects, and we concluded the seminar with a panel consisting of local and conference members-among them a "still-closeted" church conference leader. Everyone was given the opportunity to speak and air concerns and encouragements. During the last session, a statement declaring that "First Church would include all persons in the full life of the church" was drafted and directed to the Administrative Board. Again, the Administrative Board meeting and its agenda were heavily publicized. We wanted everyone to be aware of the importance of the meeting. The board meeting was probably the best attended in the history of First Church and probably one of the longest. Most members were open-minded, informed, and supportive. Some of the opposition came from persons who had not attended the seminar, some who confused the term pedophile with homosexual, and some who were concerned with their old beliefs about sin. After much discussion, a secret ballot was taken. The outcome was .. 'a ... ...•.. Open Hands an overwhelming majority-in favor of becoming a Reconciling Congregation! Our work had only just begun. We fOlllld our youth to still be extremely troubled and confused. A new task force and the Youth Council (which had been abandoned years ago) were formed to work with the youth. Opportunities were provided for youth to explore the questions they had about their own sexuality and to explore what the whole issue of exclusion of others we perceive as "different" meant. T hroughout the process, we were reminded how important communication is. In any church, but especially in a large church, keeping issues and events constantly before the congregation using a variety of media is vital. Every step we took, we went to great lengths to make sure people were aware of what was happening. We continue to make available reports of events that we participate in and have a bulletin board in a central place highlighting RC activities. Even so, we still have an occasional member who indignantly claims to have no knowledge of our decision. Almost always our pastor is able to reason with such persons and calm their fears and doubts. We continue to struggle, pray, and inform. We have grown both spiritually and physically as our congregation grapples with our differences. In a large congregation, total agreement on any subject is rarely possible. Our membership includes people representing a whole spectrum of views. We work at getting along and settling our differences so we can get on with what needs to be done and avoid getting bogged down in petty disagreements and squabbles. This year we sent members of our congregation to the convocation of Reconciling Congregations in San Francisco. Three First Church members attended the General Conference Committee to Study Homosexuality in Boston in March as observers to listen to theologians and speak informally with members of the committee. In April we testified before the Northeastern Jurisdiction "listening post," which was also a part of the general church's study committee. (See article on page 18.' Locally, our Mission Commission has asked our Enabling Ministries fund for a grant of money, time, and space to assist people with AIDS and their friends and families. We hope to house a staff person from the Southern Tier (of New York) AIDS Program in Binghamton one day per week to counsel and educate persons seeking help. We've asked to become involved with the local AIDS task force, and First Church members are being asked to become part of the "buddy" program for persons with AIDS. We house the local gay/lesbian group from one of our colleges, which had been denied meeting space on campus. We make a conscious effort to include all persons in the life of the church. Because we are a large, beautiful, wealthy city church we struggle with the perceptions others have of us and that we ourselves may have unconsciously portrayed that we are exclusive. We are striving to overcome all these perceptions in order to become the loving, caring church our Lord has asked us to be .... Irene Morrissey is convener of the Issues Class and cochair of the Missions Committee in her church, First UMC in Oneonta, New York, and on the local Board for Habitat for Humanity. Our Journey: From Fear to Inclusion by Charles Anderson First UMC of Germantown, Philadelphia The First United Methodist Church of Germantown is a large congregation (900+ members) in Philadelphia. We have a long history of involvement in many justice issues. However, we really weren't sure we were prepared to grapple with the denomination's stand on homosexuality. But grapple we did. This is the story of our congregation's journey-of our struggle that ultimately made possible our enthusiastic decision to become a Reconciling Congregation. Our journey took over two years-a journey from saying "tolerance is important, but I wouldn't want all the gays in Philadelphia to come here," to an affirmation that "a Reconciling Congregation stands for inclusion." We went from saying "many of us are afraid of issues of sexuality" to the establishment of a standing committee on Religion and Sexuality. We went from asking "What happens to lesbian and gay members if we don't become a Reconciling Congregation?" to a resounding vote in favor of becoming a Reconciling Congregation that stands not only for inclusion but also for justice, love, and witness. For many, the journey was exciting and memorable for its highs and lows. For almost everyone, the journey was hard. F Our key factors were at work during our journey. Being a large church with four professional clergy, one critical factor in our reconciling process was the support of all four of them. In addition to their support, they played several important roles. The idea of considering becoming an RC was actually proposed by the senior pastor, who encouraged the leaders of the Social Concerns committee to begin work on the issue. This pastor is extremely well respected in the church, and his initial endorsement gave the idea credibility. At least one of the clergy attended almost all the meetings of the task force that eventually coordinated the process. Besides bringing their own ideas to the task force, they shared any concerns raised by church members with that group. The ministerial staff provided information as well as powerful witnesses of their feelings in sermons, while remaining open to discussions of differing viewpoints with members of the congregation. The involvement of a broad segment of lay people was another equally important factor. Although their involvement was essential if the process was to have any meaning at all, developing that participation proved to be more difficult than anticipated. When the leaders of the Social Concerns committee first announced a meeting open to anyone who wanted to become involved, it was reasonably well attended. Almost all the people who Summer 1990 9 came, however, were lesbians, gay men, or nongay/lesbian people with a strong personal reason for being interested, such as having a lesbian/gay child. While it was obvious why such people might be more interested than other church members in the idea of becoming an RC, it was important that a broader segment of the congregation become involved. This broader involvement was needed because: 1) the gay/lesbian people needed to sense that they were not alone in the struggle; 2) with such a large congregation a diversity was needed on the committee so that most church members would know and trust a committee member to facilitate comfortable communication if they had questions or concerns; and 3) • the process needed even more credibility than that provided by the interest of the church staff-lay leaders needed to be involved as well. A third critical factor in the process was the participation and openness of lesbian/gay members of the congregation. They were willing to risk pain and rejection in revealing much of their lives including information beyond the fact of being gay/lesbian. At times some people were hurt. But this personalized the issue in a way that nothing else could, and many people were forced to think specifically about one gay man or lesbian about whom they cared, rather than just about "those homosexuals.' ' The fourth important element was the use of outside resources. Representatives of another RC, a leader of the Reconciling Congregation Program, a member of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, a psychiatrist, biblical scholars, and social workers all participated in sessions with church members. The topics covered were diverse. As we embarked on our journey, one of the first hurdles we addressed was resolving the dilemma of broad church involvement. The Administrative Board decided that rather than having a voluntary group organized by the Social Concerns committee coordinate the process, they could achieve broader congregational representation through appointing a task force to do the job. This task force included some members by virtue of office and some who had initially expressed interest. Establishing this task force had interesting consequences. A number of people (many of whom were lesbian/gay) who had initially expressed an interest in the project were now not on the task force. It took time for the gay men and lesbians in the congregation, whether on the task force or not, to accept this decision and to overcome the feeling that this was just an example of the larger heterosexual community not trusting them and dictating terms. This concern was resolved, in part, by forming a subcommittee of the task force (called the Working Group) which included some task force members as well as any other members of the church who wanted to be involved. This group ended up proposing, planning, and executing (under the auspices of the task force) many of the events in the reconciling process. Another interesting consequence of establishing the task force was that the members of this group found themselves thrown together, in some cases unwillingly, to consider an issue with which many were uncomfortable. The result was a process of reconciliation within the task force itself before major events were undertaken with the "For the first time in 14 years the church has had a net increase in membership since beginning the process of becoming a ReconCiling Congregation. " -one of the largest RCs. rest of the congregation. This was an incredibly valuable process. Members learned much about the issue and about themselves. They came to care about each other and to trust each other. These people then carried the message of reconciliation to other church members. Early in the process, the task force set goals. One goal involved an organized plan to present a variety of information. The congregation did not simply consider biblical or theological aspects of homosexuality. According to the plan, justice issues were considered and homosexuality itself was discussed with such questions as: Do people choose to be homosexual? Is there a "gay lifestyle"? Why are people homophobic? These topics were discussed in formal sessions with a variety of outside resource persons (in such settings as Adult Sunday School, United Methodist Women, Senior High Youth, Administrative Board, Council on Ministries, etc.) as well as in informal sessions in members' homes. Throughout the entire process, one main goal of the task force was to encourage an environment where people could freely express their feelings. This was often hard to do. Sometimes the feelings were strong; sometimes people were impatient. But the task force reminded itself often that it was an important goal. I n the end, the Administrative Board received the report of the task force and voted to recommend that the congregation vote to become a Reconciling Congregation. The board also established a standing committee on Religion and Sexuality whose mission would be to encourage continuing dialogue about the moral, justice, theological, and complex societal issues connected with functioning as spiritual and sexual human beings-whatever one's sexual orientation. In an emotional meeting, the congregation itself voted overwhelmingly in favor of becoming a Reconciling Congregation. The vote was not unanimous, and right up to the end strong objections were voiced. Our struggle is not over; our committee of Religion and Sexuality has work to do as our journey continues. ~ Charles Anderson, a member at First UMC of Germantown, is a veterinarian working in the Philadelphia area. He was a member of his church's Reconciling Congregation task force and chairperson of the "working group." Open Hands 10 i Taking a Stand in a Small Town by Margie Sims Estacada UMC, Estacada, Oregon Estacada, Oregon, is a town of 2,000 located in a rural area 25 miles from Portland. The commlll1ity has traditionally depended on the now-troubled timber industry, but today a growing number of Estacada's residents are people who have chosen to live in a rural setting and work in the city. The community has been, and continues to be, politically conservative. Independence of spirit and old-fashioned values are alive and well in Estacada! The Estacada United Methodist Church was organized in 1906 with 36 members. After reaching a high of 150 by 1951, membership declined to about 60 in the 1970s as yOlll1g adults left town to seek greater economic opportlll1ity and as the number of churches in town proliferated. That decade, however, brought a growing social awareness and involvement to the church. This commitment continued through the 1980s, as members became active in the larger church at district, conference, and even denominational levels and as the congregation became infused with ideas, enthusiasm, and a sense of mission that have drawn in new members looking for a church with a social commitment. When the Oregon-Idaho Annual Conference called for congregations to examine whether they might consider becoming Reconciling Congregations, our then pastor suggested in the spring of 1989 that we consider the issue. Our Program Task Force was asked to plan an event for this purpose. Estacada has no openly gay community, and while at least one, and possibly more, persons of same-sex orientation were in our midst, we did not feel comfortable asking them to address the congregation on this issue. To develop a program, then, we sought resources from outside the commlll1ity, chiefly from the Affirmation group in Portland. In Jlll1e 1989 we held a potluck dinner after church, followed by a two-hour study and discussion session. After watching the video "Casting Out Fear," our pastor and a representative of Affirmation led a discussion on biblical and theological perspectives on homosexuality. This was an entirely new issue for most of our congregation. Most of us had accepted the prevailing societal view, reinforced by the church, that homosexuality is immoral and lll1acceptable. Some of us were open about asking questions, but many were not. Two points stood out in this discussion: first, we considered lesbians and gay men as persons, not ideas or lifestyles. We put aside labels and emotional reactions and simply considered people who feel joy and pain, who work, play, and struggle, who are fathers and daughters, nurses and farmers, black, white, urban, rural. Second, we discussed the fact that people don't choose their affectional orientation and often find it a source of great struggle. We then asked ourselves how we, as United Methodist Christians trying to be responsible as God's commlll1ity Summer 1990 in action, were to relate to gay men and lesbians. We didn't attempt to answer the question that day, but elected to pursue the question through dialogue. We talked formally in church and informally in many other settings. At a potluck and brainstorming session in August with our new pastor, a consensus began to emerge. We still disagreed about feelings and fears, but we did agree that we couldn't be both faithful and exclusive. By fall it was obvious that we were on our way to becoming a Reconciling Congregation, and we decided to take this step formally at our charge conference in November. In preparation for the vote, we stepped up our dialogue to give all our members and constituents an opportlll1ity to participate in the decision. We also tried to anticipate the reactions that might come from others in our closely knit, conservative small town and to be sure that we were ready to handle them. On November 8, 1989, with 15 persons present, we voted lll1animously to become a Reconciling Congregation and on Slll1day, December 10, held a joyful public celebration as a part of our worship service. This was attended by supportive district and conference representatives, members of Affirmation, people from up to 150 miles away, and the press. It was reported sympathetically by local and regional newspapers. There followed a fairly brief, but strong, flurry of protests. The local ministerial association disbanded "for the purpose of reforming the ministers into one or more ministerial organizations," basically because a number of the more conservative ministers felt they could not be identified with us in any way. Letters were received by the congregation and the local newspaper; most of them supported our action, though a few denolll1ced it. A local church had a stone thrown through a window and "FAG" spray-painted all over the front. Whoever did it had the wrong church, but we cleaned it up. In a month the controversy was all but over. We apparently haven't lost a single member because of our decision. In fact, our constituency has increased, and many travel a considerable distance to attend our services. Our giving has remained steady. Among our activities, we have held a four-month study of homosexuality, we have visited the Portland Metropolitan Commlll1ity Church, and their choir has visited our congregation. We have also redecorated a room in a new AIDS hospice. Two of us attended the National Convocation of Reconciling Congregations in February and brought back bean seeds distributed during a commlll1ion service at the convocation. We planted them during the children's sermon on the Slll1day that the MCC choir sang. Recently, our children took the plants home to give them more nurturing and slll11ight. Our children may not understand homosexuality, but they do lll1derstand hospitality, healing, and hope-the theme of the convocation-and so do we! .... Margie Sims teaches eLementary and retarded children and at-risk adoLescents in Estacada, Oregon. She enjoys camping, reading, and her work with Estacada UMC. 11 "We.All Belong Together" by Bradley Ryrnph Ethnically Diverse Congregations "One congregation-four language ministries": such is the d~scr~pti~:m us~d by Wilshire UMC in Los Angeles to deSCrIbe ItS mclusIVe fellowship. With over 1,000 me~ber~, th~s urban. parish is in many ways a model of e~hmc dIversIty, not Just for the Reconciling CongregatIOn Program but for the entire United Methodist Church. Originally an all-white, English-speaking church, Wilshire took its first steps toward inclusiveness about 25 years ago, when the first black families joined it. One of those f!rst bla~k me~bers recalls, "During the early years, It was hke bemg on an island alone. We were not really seen; we were looked through. Our children would ask us why we were putting up with this .. . . I knew we all served the same Christ, and I felt the church ought to be on the cutting edge of this kind of change. So we stuck it out." In the late 1970s, Wilshire moved further towards br?~d inclusiveness when it began a Korean-language ~mIstry to. serve people who were increasingly moving mto the neIghborhood near the church. With this new m~nis~ry, Wilshire's members established an important prmclple-that they were "one church." Rather than creating a Korean tenant congregation that paid rent a~d evolved as a separate church, the organizing commIttee felt strongly that membership should be held together as one congregation. (Not everyone supported this principle-showing a fear common to members of cong~egations in "changing neighborhoods," some Enghsh-Ianguage members feared being "taken over" by the Korean-language people.) Eventually, Wilshire began two more language ministries-Spanish and Tagalog (Filipino). While Wilshire may be the most ethnically diverse Reconciling Congregation, it is far from the only one. He~enw~y UMC in ~vanston, Illinois, offers worship servIces m both Enghsh and Chinese. Other RCs share ~heir facilities with separate congregations that worship m ~ language other than English. Albany Park UMC in C~llcago shares its building and its pastor, Finees Flores, WIt~ EI Redentor, a Spanish-language UM congregation, whIle a Korean Christian Reformed congregation worships in the facilities of Albany UMC in Albany California. ' In many cases, an RC's ethnic diversity has evolved ~ver time, reflecting geographic and population transitIOns. Two such RCs are Central UMC in Toledo, Ohio, and Metropolitan-Duane UMC in New York City. In other cases, local congregations were established intentionally to be racially mixed. Christ UMC in Washington, D.C., was founded in 1963 in an urban renewal neighborhood to be the first integrated Methodist church in that city. Edgehill UMC in N ashville was established in 1966 with essentially the same mandate. . ~ith any ethnically mixed congregation, such diversity mevItably creates special dynamics as its members consider what it means to be publicly intentional in ministering with lesbians and gay men. But these dynamics have, as often as not, been different from what some people's stereotypes might have led them to expect. I n each of these churches, support for-as well as discomfort with-the idea of being a Reconciling Congregation has cut across racial and ethnic lines. In Wilshire, for example, various black members have discussed the links among different kinds of discrimination, recalls Alan Jones, the church's English-speaking senior pastor. At Metropolitan-Duane, black and white T?embers together were unanimous in adopting a resolutIO? earli~r .this year affirming the controversial holyumon pohcles of two other Reconciling Congregations. Rather, whatever opposition to the RCP has been expressed has often reflected the same concerns that are common in other congregations-that is, the beliefs of ~eople with gen.erally conservative theological perspectIves that the BIble condemns homosexual behavior. Such attitudes, of course, are not specifically racial or ethnic but merely reflect stances that the Church has taken for centuries and only recently have been challenged. When concerns have been raised by nonwhite or nonEnglis?-speaking members of a congregation, they have more hkely been concerns that the public addition of lesbian/gay ministries to a church's commitment might mean a lessened commitment to other inclusiveness issues. Ethnically diverse congregations have found that it is important to develop their ministries with lesbians and gay men in the same way that they develop their other ministries-by drawing on the varied perspectives and concerns that their diversity provides. For example, as Christ UMC was discussing becoming an RC, a few black members commented that they supported the congregation's ministries with lesbians and gay men but did not want it to appear that those ministries were more important than the church's other justice activities. The congregation responded by adopting a "Statement of Purpose" that specifically called for outreach across racial, economic, age, and gender-as well as sexual orientation-lines and recommitted church members to their other ministries in the community. The concerns of blacks and other ethnic minorities that their issues could be thrust aside in the push for action on lesbian/gay issues is often based in fact. Both gay/lesbian and nongay whites can sometimes appear to be uninterested in other human rights issues. At this spring's session of one UMC annual conference, one participant observed that the same white persons who forcefully advocated for the Reconciling Congregation Program were seemingly silent when topics of special concern to black church members were being discussed. Open Hands 12 1 Because of Wilshire's multilingual nature, the need to draw on the varied perspectives of its members has been particularly challenging for that congregation. When Wilshire was considering becoming a Reconciling Congregation, it was being governed by a structure headed by an Administrative Council composed primarily of English-speaking members. The church's discussions of what it would mean to be an RC were held entirely in English. Thus, when the council voted in May 1989 to join the RCP, many non-English-speaking members of the church were caught off-guard. According to Jones, they were upset not so much because of the decision but because they had not been brought into the process. Partly as a result of these reactions, the membership of Wilshire realized the urgency of adopting a more inclusive mode of governance. In November 1989, the church reformulated its decision-making structure to include more equitable representation from all its language ministries. A special challenge, Jones recalls, was selecting a chairperson for the new Administrative Board: "We needed a very special person who had skills at relating and cultural sensitivities." Chang Soon Lee, Wilshire's Korean-language pastor, suggested one possibility, and he was supported by Djalma Araujo, the Spanishlanguage pastor. The nominee: a white, Englishspeaking gay man named Bob Ficklin. When Ficklin expressed his concern that having a gay man might cause problems since the congregation was still struggling over the way it had become a Reconciling Congregation, Lee and Araujo stood firm: Ficklin was the person they wanted. I t is an oversimplification, however, to assume that there are no differences in perspectives toward homosexuality between whites, blacks, and other groups. Obviously, it is not only inaccurate but even potentially harmful to put forth generalized assumptions as though they apply to all persons in any given group, but differing cultural sensitivities can require special considerations as congregations pursue ministries with lesbians and gay men. Thus far, although many Reconciling Congregations are ethnically diverse, no ethnic-minority congregations have joined the RCP. At least one such churchSpanish-speaking El Redentor in Chicago-is exploring the possibility, however. According to its pastor, Finees Flores, the congregation is attempting to minister to gay men and lesbians who attend the English courses held in the church building. An El Redentor committee helping to draft a joint mission statement for El Redentor and Albany Park, the RC whose building it shares, has proposed the following concluding sentence: "There will be openness to all folk, regardless of race, color, or sexual orientation." Undoubtedly, differences will exist between ethnicminority and ethnically diverse congregations, just as there are inevitable differences between integrated and white congregations. The extent of such differences is far from clear, however. A black member of one integrated Reconciling Congregation suspects that "If you find an ethnically mixed congregation, the minorities there are not necessarily going to be representative of their groups. There is going to be more of a blending.... I think the Summer 1990 same thing is the case with the white members of a mixed congregation-they hold some values that are different from other whites." Janet Petty, an associate pastor at Wilshire, agrees. "Before coming here, I pastored a couple of black churches. They would not have been open to becoming a Reconciling Congregation and would have felt it was an insult to draw parallels between racism and attitudes on homosexuality. We had several conversations about the issue of sexism, and they were clear to tell me that comparing racism and sexism was like comparing apples and oranges." Petty explains that some blacks equate homosexuality with "black genocide." "They feel that homosexuality is a white thing that black folks have been sucked into. They are also saying that, if you're a lesbian or gay man and black, you're betraying your blackness." She added that another difficulty in discussing lesbian/gay issues in black churches can be the "image of sin. They say, 'Of course, we love them, but we hate their sin.' In some black congregations, there is no tradition of questioning or examining scripture." It was already noted above that this is a commonly raised concern among churches, whatever their ethnic/racial makeup, but Petty believes that this is a particularly strong tradition for many black congregations. "But that doesn't mean that we [who support ministries with lesbians and gay men] don't take a stand and go on." Joshua Hutchins, the pastor of Asbury UMC, the largest black United Methodist congregation in Washington, D.C., has a somewhat different perspective. "There are many challenges that black congregations face, primarily in terms of the black family and the black male in today's society," he explained. "Congregations may be reluctant to pick up another subject [such as discussing becoming a Reconciling Congregation]. This may be because there may seem to be some contradiction to some people, or there may just be a lack of energy to deal with too many issues. I don't think there is any more conflict [ over lesbian/gay issues] in a primarily black congregation than in any other. There may simply be other ways of handling the issue." Because true inclusiveness is the goal of the Reconciling Congregation Program, the ethnically diverse churches in the program together offer examples of what it means to be committed to truly reconciling ministries. Alan Jones may have best expressed the attitude of the diverse members of Wilshire-and of other Reconciling Congregations-when he noted: "What has happened in formatting our vision of a church has been a broader image of inclusiveness. We realize that it's wrong to exclude anybody. If we're all children of God, we all belong together." ~ Bradley Rymph is co-editor of Open Hands and a member of Christ UMC in Washington, D. C. Some of this article was adapted from information provided by Bob Ficklin, a member of Wilshire UMC in Los Angeles. 13 Resources Resources for Reconciling Ministries The Reconciling Congregation Program office receives many requests for a definitive guide or step-by-step process on how to become a Reconciling Congregation. Our experience has shown us that we cannot provide such a guideevery congregation is different, therefore the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation is different. However, there are many resources available which you can adapt to your congregation. On this page is a list of resources available from the Reconciling Congregation Probrram and other programs to assist your congregation. On the next page are suggestions for planning a study series in your congregation on affirming reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men. The succeeding page contains an outline of a presentation about the Reconciling Congregation Program. Remember that the best resources are other people-persons in your congregation, your community, and/or your judicatory. If you need assistance in locating resource persons, feel free to contact the national RCP office at 202/863-1586 or the office of your denominational program (see on p. 16). From the Reconciling Congregation Program And God Loves Each One: A Resource for Dialogue about the Church and Homosexuality. Ann Thompson Cook and Task Force on Reconciliation of Dumbarton UMC, 1988. 20 pp. An honest and friendly booklet that answers a Christia~'s basic questions about homosexuality. Ideal resource for individuals or groups beginning to explore lesbian/gay concerns. $4.95; 10+ copies $3.00. Add 15% postage/handling. Also 2-session study guide available at no charge. Casting Out Fear: Reconciling Ministries ,-vith Lesbians and Gay Men. Videotape, 1988. 38 mins. Portrays the pain and estrangement lesbians and gay men feel in the church and the hope of reconciliation found in congregations that are moving toward a more loving acceptance. Filmed at the national convocation of Reconciling Congregations in 1987. Purchase: $100; 30-day rental: $20.00. How to Become A Reconciling Congregation. Rev. 1989. 4 pp. Paper outlining process and steps guiding a local church to affirm its ministry with lesbians and gay men. Free. Open Hands: Reconciling Ministries mth Lesbians and Gay Men. 24 pp. Quarterly magazine which provides information, practical suggestions, resources, and news on different themes related to ministry with lesbians and gay men. Annual subscription: $16.00; single copies: $5.00. NOTE: Order the above resources from Reconciling Congregation Program, P. O. Box 23636, Washington, DC 20026, or call 202/863-1586. From Other Denominations/ Groups Breaking the Silence, Overcoming the Fear: Homophobia Education. New York: Presbyterian Church (U.S.A.), 1985. 71 pp. Background articles on homophobia and theological/biblical perspectives with several models for homophobia education. Includes a bibliography. $3.50 from Church Education Services, Room llOl, 475 Riverside Drive, New York, NY 10015. Here Is My Hand. Patricia Ann Meyers for the Task Force on Reconciling Congregations/ Conference of the Oregon-Idaho Conference, UMC, 1990. 68 pp. Practical, five-session study guide for congregations and groups investigating reconciling ministries. $5.00 plus $2.00 postage/handling from Patricia Ann Meyers, 3005 S.W. ll8th Avenue, Beaverton, OR 97005. More Light Churches: Obedience, Ministry, Justice. Videotape, 1989. 27 mins. Video focuses on issues faced by lesbian and gay Presbyterians and how two More Light congregations attempt to respond to these issues in a compassionate way. Study guide also available. Purchase $23; two-week rental: $8 from PLGC, c/o Dick Hasbany, 2641 N ,W. Ginseng Place, Corvallis, OR 97330. Plan of Action. Lutherans Concerned, N A. 12 pp. Paper which provides a suggested study process for congregations considering becoming "Reconciled in Christ." Free from Lutherans Concerned, P.O. Box 10461, Ft. Dearborn Station, Chicago, IL 60610-0461. • Resources for Ministry with Gay, Lesbian, and Bisexual Persons. United Church Coalition for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, 1987 ed. Packet of information from pastoral perspective on "Open and Affirming" ministries, homophobia, issues for families and friends of lesbians/gay men. $7.50 from UCC/LGC, 18 N. College Street, Athens, OH 45701. • Thinking It Through: United Methodists Look at the Church and Homosexuality. Methodist Federation for Social Action, 1987. Collection of reprinted articles from many sources covering: forming a reconciling attitude, ordering our theology of ministry, developing AIDS ministries, and resources for reconciling ministries. $10.00 from MFSA, 76 Clinton Avenue, Staten Island, NY 10301. • Welcoming Congregation Program Manual. Unitarian/ Universalist Association for Lesbian/Gay Concerns, 1990. Comprehensive resource book with introductory information for UUA congregations, outlines of workshops on homophobia, and other program ideas for local congregations. $24.95 plus $2 handling from UUA Bookstore, 25 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108. • What Is an Open and Affirming Church'~ Open and Affirming Program, 1990. 4 pp. Information on what it means to become an Open and Affirming Church. Send SASE to ONA, c/o Ann Day, P.O. Box 403, Holden, MA 01520. • Where Do We Go From Here'! Massachusetts Conference of the United Church of Christ, 1987. Six-week study course developed to lead to the affirmation of local church ministries with lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons. $ll.50 from MACUCC, c/o Ann Day, P.O. Box 403, Holden, MA 01520. Why Do We Have To Do This? Open and Affirming Program, 1990. 7 pp. Paper written by a member of an Open and Affirming Church, outlining the reasons why it is important for a local church to take such a stance. $1.00 from, ONA, c/o Ann Day, P.O. Box 403, Holden, MA 01520... 14 Open Hands Planning a Study Series Most congregations that begin discussing reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men decide to hold a study series as part of the church school program or as a series of special forums. Here are SOme suggestions, garnered from the experiences of other congregations, for developing such a study series. Preparation Allow ample time for preparation and publicity. With the busy schedules of many congregations, some programs tend to be developed hurriedly. Insist on the utter seriousness and importance of this series, and allow several weeks or months for preparation. Publicize the series through personal invitation. Concerns related to human sexuality are deeply personal and not often raised in a church setting. Persons in your church may find it more comfortable not to participate in the study series. Congregations have learned that persons attend because of a personal invitation from one of the leaders or planners. Design a personal, experiential series. Focus the series on the experience of ministry and on relationships with persons-lesbians and gay men-not the academic understanding of homosexuality. Use lesbians and gay men and their families from your congregation or community to talk with participants about their faith and their lives. Always try to focus discussion and dialogue on persons' experience. Make the series participatory and open. Expanding upon the previous point, use the active participation of all attending the series. This assures participants that you value their feelings, experiences, and beliefs; that this is a reconciling process, and not just the presentation of a particular point of view. Open and close each session with a question or reflection and ask for participants' responses. Content The content of your study series will vary depending upon the amount of time you have. Some congregations have used four one-hour sessions on Sunday mornings. Others have had six to eight twohour sessions on a weeknight. Here is a list of topics you will want to try to include in your series. You will need to arrange and adjust them to fit the amount of time you have. Introducing the National Program Some congregations choose to introduce the national program early in the series as a possible decision for the church. Others choose to introduce this as a possible congregational response after several sessions on ministries with les- Summer 1990 bians and gay men. On the following page is an outline of a presentation on the RCP; a list of the national programs in other denominations can be found below. Homophobia in the Church and Society Share the real life experiences of lesbians and gay men. If there are open lesbians and/or gay men in your congregation, invite them to talk about their lives. Use a role-reversal exercise or other such activity to help participants understand the prevalence of homophobia in our church and society. Denonzinational Policies Homophobia is codified in the policies of most denominations. Invite your pastor or someone else who is well informed about your denomination to present this information, including the history of how such policies came into being. If your congregation is United Methodist, you will focus on paragraphs ?IF, 402.2, and 906.12 in the Book of Discipline. Information on Hon1osexuality After identifying the focus of this series as your congregation's ministry with lesbians and gay men, provide basic information and discussion on homosexuality. Some congregations utilize psychologists, social workers, or other social scientists to help participants understand the social phenomenon of homosexuality. Bible Study Our experience as Christians frames our interpretation of the Bible. You can help participants break free of the traditional interpretation of the biblical texts which are assumed to deal with homosexuality when you have first given them a broader experience from which to understand these texts. Bible study should also include other texts which inform your congregation's ministry of reconciliation (see below). Another Congregation's Story Invite a member of a current Reconciling Congregation (or similar program in another denomination) to talk about how they have publicly affirmed ministries with lesbians and gay men. You will find your participants very eager to hear what other congregations have done-what has worked and what was not helpful-and how their ministry was enhanced through this decision and action. This also puts your congregation in the context of a national movement. Your Congregation's Background Invite discussion about other ways in which your congregation has reached out to those who are alienated or oppressed. Is becoming a Reconciling Congregation consistent with who your congregation is? Fears about Becoming a Reconciling Congregation Invite participants to talk about their anxieties. What do they fear could happen to themselves and to the congregation if they publicly affirm reconciling ministries? When these fears are acknowledged, the group can move closer toward a common understanding. What Do We Do Next? Close the series with discussion and concrete planning of the following steps. How do we share what we have learned here with the rest of the congregation? How can we help our congregation move closer to a declaration of ministry with all persons? Make a list of specific actions and assign persons to do them .• Bible Study Texts When studying a biblical basis for reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men, many groups tend to study only the few widely recognized passages which appear to mention homosexuality or same-sex activity specifically (Genesis 19:1-29; Lev. 18:22, 20:13; Romans 1:18-32; I Cor. 6:9-10; I Tim. 1:8-11). However, there are several other texts which relate to engaging in reconciling ministries. When planning Bible study in your local church, include some of the following texts: II Corinthians 5:16-21-God's reconciliation through Jesus Christ. I John 4:17..18~'perfect love drives out all fear." Luke 4:16-21-Jesus' ministry of liberation. Luke 12:1-7; Matthew 1O:26-31-faithfulness to God's truth. Galatians 3:26-29-All persons are one in Christ. Ephesians 2:13-22-Christ breaks down dividing walls. Romans 5:8-11-God redeems us through Jesus Christ. Acts 15:1-21-Early church affirms ministry to Gentiles. Acts 10-Story of Peter and Cornelius. 15 Making a Presentation Representatives from Reconciling Congregations and other individuals are often invited to make a presentation to an interested congregation or other group about the program. Here is a suggested outline of key points for such a presentation. You will want to change the language to fit you. This presentation can be done in 10-15 minutes or can be extended to 25-30 minutes with the addition of illustrations and stories from your congregation's experience. You should feel free to call the national RCP office (202 /863-1586) to get the latest statistics or other information about the program. A. Definition The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist congregations who have publicly welcomed all persons, including lesbians and gay men, into the life of their local church. B. Our History 1. The RCP began in conversations among members of Affirmation in 1983 seeking a way to identify local churches where lesbians and gay men, their families, and friends would feel welcome and to support local churches that were already in ministry with lesbians and gay men. 2. The Presbyterian More Light Program (begun in 1979) served as a model. 3. The RCP was publicly announced at the UMC General Conference in Baltimore in May 1984. On the morning following the vote to deny ordination to lesbians and gay men, friends of Affirmation gathered outside the conference center and distributed brochures inviting local churches to become Reconciling Congregations. 4. Within two weeks, two congregations voted to become Reconciling Congregations-symbolically, they were on the two ends of the continent: Washington Square in New York City and Wesley in Fresno, California. 5. The program has steadily grown over the ensuing years to now include 46 congregations across the country. 6. In 1986, the Northern Illinois Annual Conference voted to become a Reconciling Conference. Three other conferences have since voted to call themselves "reconciling" (California-Nevada, New York, and Troy). Many other conferences have encouraged their local churches to study becoming Reconciling Congregations or are studying becoming Reconciling Conferences. C. Who We Are 1. The RC movement is a model of the inclusive Body of Christ. 2. We are a national movement with congregations in all 5 UMC jurisdictions or regions and in 19 different annual conferences. 3. We range in size from under 50 members to over 1,000 members. 4. We are located in urban, suburban, and rural communities. 5. Many RCs are racially and ethnically diverse. 6. Most RCs have a history of engagement in the social justice dimensions of the Gospel. 7. We are a part of a larger in terdenominational movement of almost 200 congregations: Presbyterian "More Light," Lutheran "Reconciled in Christ," Disciples of Christ and United Church of Christ "Open and Affirming," and Unitarian-Universalist "Welcoming." D. What We Are About 1. Becoming an RC simply affirms the Gospel mandate to preach the Gospel to the whole world-to everyone. 2. lesbian/gay concerns touch every congregation-every local church has lesbian or gay members, families with lesbians/gay men, or close friends of lesbians/gay men. 3. The RCP is attempting to redirect the focus of conversation in the church from the issue of homosexuality to the issue of ministry. We think the key question is "How does our congregation relate to a lesbian/gay member who sits beside me in worship on Sunday?" not "What do we think about homosexuality?" 4. The RCP is a movement of God's Spirit which is transforming the lives of congregations and individual Christians. 5. There are other groups in our society who are excluded or alienated from the ministries of the church. The RCP, therefore, seeks to open the church's doors to all persons while recognizing that the most blatant exclusion today is that of lesbians and gay men. 6. Every congregation is a potential Reconciling Congregation-for some it will take 6 months and for others, 20 years. God's Spirit can move in any congregation from where the congregation is today. E. How To Become 1. To become an RC, a local church goes through a process of dialogue and study which can take several months or several years. 2. After a period of informal discussion and dialogue, an official study process is usually approved by the Administrative Board or Council. Such a pro- o cess seeks to include education and dialogue with all persons and groups in the local church. 3. The process should be reconciling, o recognizing that this is a deeply emotional and personal issue for many memo bers of the congregation. Because con- o gregations strive to make this process o reconciling, very few members have aco tually left congregations which became Reconciling Congregations. 4. A group in the congregation writes o a statement of reconciliation which uno conditionally affirms the full participation of all persons, including lesbians and gay men, in the life of the local church. 5. When the congregation is ready, an official vote and declaration is made by the Administrative Board or Council. In order to reflect the will of the entire congregation, many RCs take this vote at a church conference with all members participating. 6. The reconciling process is ongoing as the congregation educates new members and seeks to integrate ministries with lesbians and gay men into the full ministry of the local church. F. Resources The national program provides several resources for congregations that are considering becoming Reconciling Congregations: -Brochure "Is Your local Church Open to all Persons?" -How to Become a Reconciling Congregation -And God Loves Each One -Casting Out Fear -Open Hands (Be sure to have sample copies and order forms to distribute.) Y Programs in Other Denominations More Light Program (Presbyterian) c/o Jim Anderson P.O. Box 38 New Brunswick, NJ 08903 Open and Affirming Program (UCC/Disciples of Christ) c/o Ann Day P.O. Box 403 Holden, MA 01520 Reconciled in Christ Program (Lutheran) c/o Brian Knittel 20800 Buena Vista Way Berkeley, CA 94708 Welcoming Congregation Program (Unitarian/Universalist) c/o Scott Anderson 25 Beacon Street Boston, MA 02108 Open Hands 16 Growing in Numbers and in Faith by Dale McCurdy l~Wallingford UMC, ~V' Seattle Last October at Wallingford United Methodist Church in Seattle, we celebrated the fifth anniversary of our becoming a Reconciling Congregation. Before the vote was taken to become part of the reconciling family, the average weekly worship attendance was 60. Today, our average attendance is 135, with very little of the traditional "summer slump" in attendance experienced by many churches. What kinds of growth have we experienced? Who are the people who have been attracted to Wallingford since our decision to become reconciling? Two trends are most striking: first, the increased number of gay/lesbian people in attendance and, second, the marked increase in the number of young families with children. These two constituencies have been our greatest growth success story. Church growth and evangelism expert Lyle Schaller coined the phrase "wounded bird" to describe people who have suffered a great deal, and whose pain often keeps them isolated from the ministry of the church. The number of "wounded birds" in the church family at Wallingford seems high compared to the large suburban congregation I served in the past. At Wallingford, these "wounded birds" are encouraged to share their stories, to grow, and to become "wounded healers" through various support groups and through intensive pastoral and congregational care. Some former "wounded birds" have become models of courage and growth to the entire congrega tion. Several of the factors that have facilitated our growth at Wallingford are hardly unusual. Indeed, they are the building blocks commonly stressed in primers about church growth. Most important in my observation has been the quality of our pastoral leadership and worship style. Through two changes of pastor since we became a Reconciling Congregation, we have continued to have excellent sermons and well-planned worship that involves the entire community, particularly in "prayers of the people." Not incidental has been the fact that our congregation was served by a female pastor when we became an RC and is also served by a woman today. This has brought many first-time visitors to our door and continues to be a strength. In addition, vibrant, quality music during worship has contributed to our growth. Our sanctuary's fine acoustics support vital hymn singing and choral music, helping newcomers experience the vigor and liveliness of the congregation. We also have an active, well-organized evangelism work area that diligently follows up on first-time visitors with phone calls, letters, and personal invitations to church events. Demographics have also played a role in our growth. The number of young families with children active in our worship and ministry has markedly increased, as has our ability to draw on the nearby community at the University of Washington. But one big factor sets our growth apart from the "how to" instructions commonly given for congregational growth. Some people might worry that being intentionally public about a congregation's active ministry with lesbians and gay men could hurt membership, attendance, and income. This has not been the case with Wallingford. We are "out of the closet" as a Reconciling Congregation, and that clearly has helped, not hurt, our growth in membership, in financial giving, and in personal faith. A comment I hear frequently both in and out of the gay/lesbian community in Seattle is "Oh yes, I've heard about that church." Because Wallingford has made no secret of our status as a Reconciling Congregation, our influence in Seattle and in the Pacific Northwest Annual Conference is far greater than our size: • We cosponsor (with Capitol Hill UMC, Seattle's other Reconciling Congregation) an annual Advent "service of reconciliation" with the gay/lesbian community. This service draws people into the life of the church. • We have received a generous amount of publicity and media coverage. Our staff and others have regularly spoken in secular settings about the mission of our church, including discussion of our stature as a Reconciling Congregation and what that means to us as a community of faith. • We are known as a center of feminist theology, as a place where worship is inclusive, and as a congregation where the elderly, physically challenged, or unconventional person will be included and affirmed. • Every year, several of our members march in Seattle's gay pride parade, complete with a large banner proudly proclaiming our church name and our status as a Reconciling Congregation. • Financially, Wallingford seems more sound than it has in several years. In the summer of 1989, we raised $9,000 for church renovation. This year, the goal of our yearly stewardship drive, which we moved from the traditional fall to the early spring, was not only met but exceeded. As a result, we have been able to continue a part-time lay staff position and are becoming less dependent on rental income. Becoming a Reconciling Congregation has been an important journey for Wallingford UMC. The decision has created a congregation much stronger than it has been for many years. In the words of our current pastor, Kathlyn Hoover, "Our church is a vital, thriving, healthy community, with no regrets about having made the decision to become reconciling." ... Dale McCurdy is a former diaconal minister who currently works as a sales person in a lesbian-owned firm that maintains professional libraries. He is director of the Seattle Lesbian and Gay Chorus and associate director of the Seattle Men's Chorus. Summer 1990 17 I 1's a Saturday morning and I would rather turn over and go back to sleep. But I have made a promise to get into the church van with a group of sleepy folks and drive for five hours to Drew Seminary. Why would anyone spend a Saturday in a church van WITNESSING driving to Madison, New Jersey? To participate in a "listening post." The committee appointed by the General Conference of the United Methodist Church to study homosexuality has invited all interested parties, pro and con, to testify before their group. These sessions are called "listening posts," where small groups are called in front of a panel of the committee to explain why they agree or disagree with the denomination's stand on homosexuality. I f you had asked me several years ago what I would be doi~g to ,:itness to my faith, I can honestly say that thIS subject would not have been on my mind. That is no longer true. My local church, after much thought, prayer, and study, and then some more prayer, chose to become a Reconciling Congregation. That is to say, we do not discriminate against anyone based on race, origins, gender, and especially, sexual orientation. Full participation in the church is open to all. My local church decided to send delegates to the Convocation of Reconciling Congregations in San Francisco this past February. I was lucky enough to be included with my husband, Bill. Words cannot begin to describe the feelings that I felt (and will always feel) as I came face to face and faith to faith with gay men and lesbians. It has been a long time since I have felt God working in such mysterious ways as I did during that convocation. I listened as retired Bishop Melvin Wheatley told how the church had to be a haven for all persons. I met men with AIDS who had found congregations where they were loved for who they were as individuals. I came to know life partners who had made commitments to each other. I discovered participants who were also new to this and, as a result, were going home with different hearts. After arriving back home in Oneonta, N.Y., I thought my traveling days were over for a while and I could go back to a quieter life. But, no! The General Conference Study Committee on Homosexuality was meeting in Boston, and it was time to pack again. This time my husband and I were going as observers, with the chance to talk informally with members of the committee. They had invited theologians to make presentations to the combined committee. Once in Boston, we had a chance to renew friendships with a member of the committee, a pastor of an RC who had also been at the convocation in San Francisco. Another retired bishop, James Thomas, reminded us of our need for compassion and acceptance of all persons in the church family. (I began to wonder how the witness of clergy becomes enhanced after retirement and we are no longer caught by political concerns.) Bishop Thomas spoke eloquently about the covenant relationship of the Church and how restrictions 'placed upon conference Boards of Ordained Ministry damage that covenant, refusing to trust their first-hand knowledge of a candidate's call and qualifications. BY SYLVIA Bishop James Thomas also spoke persuasively about church U11ity. He told how the efforts of the Council of Bishops to restrict discussion of slavery in the General Conferences of 1838 and 1842 still ended in the schism of the Methodist church in 1944. Avoiding discussion of injustice to preserve U11ity does not work. While in Boston, we were asked bv two different members of the committee why we ~ere interested in this subject. They wanted to know about our agenda. They wondered if we had a "closet" with someone special behind the doors. When told that we had no agenda other than the love which continually drove us into issues of discrimination and injustice, they seemed Open Hands 18 OMYFAITH ! BOUTON to think that, as a heterosexual couple, we were an oddity. Well, hopefully, it isn't the first time, nor the last, that we will be seen as odd. NoW back to our van trip! After picking up members of three other Wyoming Conference churches, we headed south for Madison-a long way to go for five minutes in the spotlight! We joined perhaps 100 other people who had traveled from various parts of the Northeastern Jurisdiction for this listening post. We had been apprehensive that only those opposed to homosexuality would testify. Much to our delight, we discovered that the opposite was true. Summer 1990 We heard testimony from family members who had lost children and siblings to AIDS. We heard from pastors who felt that the church was neglecting a whole group of people out of fear and ignorance. We heard the testimony of a father who worships in one of our Wyoming Conference United Methodist congregations. He told how his gay son had come to church for services, was insulted and called names, and finally left. This father told how he had been asked to resign as a teacher in the church school because of his son. He told tearfully of the abuse, both emotional and physical, that his son was enduring at college. We heard a United Methodist minister/professor tell of the recent baptism of his infant son. He asked the committee: "Should that boy turn out to be gay, was the United Methodist Church going to retract the promises which it had just made to him?" We heard testimony from district superintendents who felt that the church had to change its policy back to inclusiveness. We heard testimony from pastors who had been removed from growing, thriving churches once their sexuality had been revealed. We heard testimony from Reconciling Congregation members who stated that their churches had gained new vigor and members, mostly young families with children who were looking for a church home where people were compassionate to all persons. We were pleasantly surprised that the testimonies we heard were almost unanimously in favor of changing the policy of the denomination to one of inclusiveness for all persons. We had started the day dreading that we would drive all that distance for a day filled with anger and homophobia. What we discovered was a group of church people who had decided that enough was enough, and now was the time to act in an educated, informed manner and to challenge the leadership of the denomination to step toward reconciliation through Jesus the Christ. We each have our own thoughts on why someone is homosexual. We probably will never change each others' ideas. That is all right. What we must decide is whether we continue to exclude anyone from the fellowship and communion of the church on the basis of their sexual orientation. The change for me has been very drastic. What I am witnessing to has not been popular with some of my family and friends. I know that I would not be happy being a part of a congregation where barriers are placed in front of people. The bottom line has been the thought: "What would Jesus do?" We have no biblical record of what he may have thought about this issue, but we know how he reached out with God's love, especially to those persons who had been condemned by society as sexually impure. How can we do anything different? y Sylvia Bouton is married to an activist who is pastor of the only Reconciling Congregation in the Wyoming Conference, First United Methodist Church in Oneonta, New York. Together, they put forth a team effort to work towczrds compassion for all people. This article was written to help the reconciling cause at conference. In spite of that effort, a close vote rescinded the conference's status as a Reconciling Conference. 19 Sustaining The Spirit CALL TO AWARENESS LEADER: As we gather in this place, we ask ourselves, who are we? VOICE I: We are the song, VOICE 2: We are the singer, VOICE 3: And we listen for the song. VOICE 4: We are the love, VOICE 5: The lover, VOICE 6: And the beloved. VOICE 7: We are the bread, VOICE 8: The bread maker, VOICE 9: And those filled ... those hungry... VOICE 10: We are the gift, VOICE II: The giver, VOICE 12: And we receive... LEADER: Who are we? ALL: We gather from across the country, from our daily places of loving and living, to enter this moment and this space. We gather to receive and accept the hospitality here offered. We gather in support of one another, seeking to create a space in ourselves, in our church, in our world, A space of hospitality with gay men and lesbians in community. LEADER: Who are we? GROUP I: We are gay and straight, men and women, a rainbow of colors. GROUP 2: We are young and old, old friends and newcomers, eager for the journey and tired from the journey. GROUP 3: We are clergy and laity, members of Affirmation. GROUP 4: We are Reconciling Congregations. We are United Methodists. ALL: We are the church! We come "traveling 'long a road we've never seen before." We come for renewal and for vision. We are people with abundant gifts, with many needs, and with a strong faith that in community new possibilities emerge: Needs become gifts that challenge us, gifts that are nurtured and channeled. LEADER: Who are we? ALL: We are people who know that the soil, the sun, and the rain are provided for the lilies, the oak, and the corn. We seek that force which can provide growth and nourishment for our lives. We are people called to the journey by Jesus Christ. We are people empowered by God's spirit, held and healed by God's love. Let us be together in God's spirit and truth. Adapted from a litany written by members of the Reconciling Congregations and Affirmation of the Northern Illinois Conference for the National Convocation of Reconciling Congregations, held February 16-18, 1990, in San Francisco, California. • 20 Open Hands : Letters Responses to Lesbian/Gay Christian Movement Issue T hank you so much for your excellent issue on the lesbian/gay Christian movement (Winter, 1990). As a firm believer that we benefit from knowing and understanding history, I learned much from the various articles that will be helpful to me in the future. Because our movement doesn't attract much outside interest, the authors were persons intimately involved in the activities described. That's great but it tended to make the articles historical commentary without countervailing opinions. Leo Treadway's articles on the Lesbian/ Gay Interfaith Alliance (LGIA) is a case in point. Integrity kept faith till the end, sending one of only two "full" delegations (with one white male, one female, and one "third world" representative) to the final meeting. Two were on our Board of Directors. Our president at the time was a woman. At least for Integrity, it wasn't a case of "white males . ..who felt that smaller groups and minorities had been given too great a share in the decision making." Only the white male favored continuing Ollr participation. The rest felt that LGIA accomplished almost nothing and participation ",ras a waste of our very limited resources. Perhaps we were unique, but this perspective colored my reading of this and other articles. Yours for Integrity in Christ, Edgar K. Byham Guttenberg, New Jersey Good issue on our collective history. "Where are the Women?" can be answered, at least in part, by the Conference for Catholic Lesbians. For more information regarding excellent retreats, newletter ("Images") and groups contact: Conference for Catholic Lesbians P.O. Box 436 Planetarium Station, NY 10024 All good wishes and many thanks for your fine work. Mary Hunt Women's Alliance for Theology, Ethics, and Ritual Silver Spring, Maryland Summer 1990 I had the pleasure of finding Open Hands at the local gay bookstore this week. As yet another defrocked, "back-slid" Methodist, I've a few minor additions to your excellent history in the winter 1990 issue. About 1970, one Dan Gorham was flung out of the Orthodox church down in the Carolinas. This was the first I'd heard of "homosexuals" and the modern Church. I followed his setting up of an alternative Orthodox group in our brief correspondence, and thought it'd be great if someone did that for the Methodists, too. In '72 I went to McCormick Seminary in Chicago. I ran into David Sindt and we conspired to set up a "Gay Seminarians" group. While this was more of a support and social group, we did get called on to offer presentations and gave Gene Leggett a hero's welcome when he came to visit. Through Gay Seminarians I met Bill Krick, who later introduced me to dear Michael Troyer: hence my first introduction to Affirmation. Once we gays started to creep out of our closets, the General Conference responded to the issue with the infamous "persons of sacred worth but incompatible" line, which was likely the first mention of homosexuals in official writ. A far cry from the attitude shown by John Wesley's ministry to the convicted homosexual Blair, and certainly an equal "pain in the fundament." Though McCormick was supportive, my coming out to the Central Illinois Conference was met with predictable reactions. Hence the current absence of a frock. David's own Presbyterian group (now PLGC) was first called "gay United Presbyterians," and we tried several lame guppy jokes out on it. Fond memories are dredged up from your history. I met Bill Johnson and Chris Glaser way back when. I suppose I was lucky that the job which paid my way through college and much of seminary was in a profession which didn't look at one's laundry. I was able to resume myoid job and career. Still, I enjoyed seminary life, studies, and the honor of spending time with David and others. Sincerely, Jim Tolson Chicago, Illinois Prayer Requests in Open Hands? At an informal meeting of people interested in Reconciling Congregations at our annual conference, we discovered that there is a need for connections which we think Open Hands might meet. In our discussion, we discovered one of the problems is that those of us who get involved in justice issues around the issue : of homosexuality are often scattered without support. For that reason, we began to discuss the ways in which we : could get accurate information about where there is a problem. I proposed a "prayer chain." • Would it be possible for you to have a section of Open Hands where you could list prayer requests by first name? Then someone, such as my friend who is receiving grief from her Pastor-Parish Relations Committee about being supportive of gay/ lesbian Christians, could drop you a postcard. You would then include a short statement of her prayer request, which those of us who read Open Hands could then read and faithfully pray for. We hope that you will see our request as what it is, a much needed resource for • support for those who are willing to tackle justice issues regarding people who are gay or lesbian. I appreciate your work on Open Hands. Even having a magazine about Reconciling Congregations is a helpful • move in the right direction. Let's think of • a few more steps we might take as we encourage each other along this journey of faithfulness. Sincerely, Peggy L. T. Garrison Park Ridge, Illinois [Editors' note: We welcome prayer requests. They will be printed in the letters section.] • You are invited to exchange ideas, comments. and reactions with other readers : through this new, regular feature of Open Hands. Send your letters to: Open Hands, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, D.C. 20026. -The editors 21 Rep Report New Reconciling Congregations Metanoia Peace Community (Portland, Oregon) Metanoia Peace Community was begun in 1986 with the intention of fostering a deeper commitment to Christian discipleship and community life than is experienced in most other congregations. Persons can become members of the community after at least 12 months of mentoring and training. Members agree to live in a covenantal relationship which includes specific disciplines of personal and community life. Each member is expected to pursue an inward journey (faith development) and an outward journey (mission) through weekly meetings. The community currently has 11 covenanting members and about 50 active nonmembers. The variety of missions in which Metanoia is involved includes an income-sharing household devoted to radical community, a ministry to persons experiencing grief ranging from a death in the family to the death of Mother Earth to the loss of one's naive faith in human nature, and a women's group which explores feminine spirituality and feminist issues. The church is also a sanctuary congregation, participating in the Portland Sanctuary Coalition. The congregation gathers every Sunday evening in space shared with another United Methodist congregation for worship, learning, and a common fellowship meal. Metanoia unanimously decided to become a Reconciling Congregation in June. ecumenikos (Mission, Kansas) ecumenokis is an alternative housechurch style faith community, formally affiliated with the United Methodist, United Presbyterian, Mennonite, United Church of Christ, and Christian (Disciples) denominations, but open to people of any faith as well as those who are "spiritual seekers." It was chartered in 1973 and was originally conceived as a mission-oriented, nontraditional church with a high degree of lay empowerment. Seventeen years later, ecumenikos is still faithful to much of its original model. The congregation has resisted building an edifice and meets in homes, community centers, and parks. Two members are periodically chosen to serve as parttime lay ministers, but leadership for all community functions is shared among all members. ecumenikos has no specific religious creed or doctrine, nor does it have formal membership requirements, other than giving a "covenant statement" based upon what each person is willing to commit to. All decisions are made by consensus. Members are expected to live their lives consistent with their personal beliefs. The congregation advocates seeing Jesus as a model for . that kind of living. The congregation's involvement in various collective ministries reflects those areas where individual members have felt called and also reflects a strong commitment to ecumenical efforts, particularly in peace and justice concerns. The congregation's decision to go on record as a Reconciling Congregation came about, in part, through a request to sponsor a gay ministerial student for ordination. The congrega-. tion said "yes" to this call and has joined congregations in other denominations who support inclusive and reconciling ministries. Annual Conference Update As the United Methodist annual conferences across the country met this May and June, several were confronted with actions related to Reconciling Congregations and ministry with lesbians and gay men. Here is a brief look at actions taken by some conferences. Several annual conferences dealt with decisions about becoming a Reconciling Conference. In the Wyoming conference (northeastern Pennsylvania and southeastern New York), a two-year designation as a Reconciling Conference was overturned by a narrow vote. However, the conference did encourage all local churches to study becoming Reconciling Congregations. The Baltimore and Minnesota conferences appointed task forces to explore becoming a Reconciling and/or Transforming Conference and report back to next year's sessions. The Oregon-Idaho, Wisconsin, and Eastern Pennsylvania conferences received reports from Reconciling Conference task forces and decided not to become Reconciling Conferences at this time but to continue study and dialogue on the conference and local church levels. The North Central New York conference encouraged its local churches to study becoming Reconciling Congregations. The Iowa conference received a report from a task force on ministry with homosexual persons and encouraged local churches to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Related to the issue of lesbian/gay "holy unions," Bishop Joseph Yeakel (Washington Area) publicly read his decision overturning Dumbarton UMC's (Washington, D.C.) policy on blessing same-sex relationships, while encouraging the conference and congregations to continue to study this. In Wisconsin, Bishop David Lawson was asked to make an official ruling on the conference's ban on holy unions being performed by University UMC (Madison, Wisconsin). Such a ruling would have been subject to review by the Judicial Council, the "supreme court" of the UMC. However, Bishop Lawson ruled that this request was out of order and declined to make an official ruling. Related to the ordination of lesbians and gay men, the clergy members of the Western Penn- Open Hands 22 In response to the suspension, over 100 gay and lesbian Lutherans demonstrated outside the denominational headquarters in Chicago on July 20. The demonstrators burned a copy of the ELCA's decision to suspend the two congregations. A spokesperson for Lutherans Concerned said, " We call the church to repentance for its lack of vision and courage, for its postponement of justice, and for its irrelevance in the lives of lesbians and gay men hungering for righteousness and truth." MFSA Recognizes Reconciling Congregations Recipients of the Methodist Federation for Social Action (MFSA) annual Lee and Mae Ball Awards were Dumbarton UMC (Washington, D.C.) and St. John's UMC (Baltimore, Maryland), both Reconciling Congregations. The Ball Awards recognize UMC leaders in biblical justice and social action. MFSA also recognized UMC pastor Rev. Jimmy Creech for his leadership in opposing violence against the gay and lesbian community in Raleigh, North Carolina. Because of his public support for les- ARIW~A Tucson St. Francis ill the Foothills CALIFOR~IA ALbany Albanv UMC BerkeleY Trinity UMC Fresno Wesley UMC Los Angeles United Universitv Wilshire UMC ' MiLpitas Slumyhills UMC San Francisco Bethany UMC Calvary UMC Hamilton UMC Trinitv UMC Santa Monica Church of Ocean Park Va caville S1. Paul 's UMC West Hollywood Crescent Heights UMC COWRAOO Denver St. Paul 's UMC bian/gay concerns, Creech's former congregation, Fairmont UMC, asked the bishop not to reappoint him as their pastor. The two rural chnrches to which Creech was subsequently appointed refused to accept him, and . the bishop placed him on "leave of absence" from active ministry. The MFSA executive committee specifically declared its support for Dumbarton UMC's policy on "holy unions" and committed MFSA to help link lesbian and gay United Methodists across the denomination with UMC congregations and pastors . willing to provide them with "full pastoral services." Also, the Wisconsin MFSA chapter • presented its annual Perry Saito Award to University UMC, a Reconciling Congregation in Madison, • Wisconsin. · Reformed Jews Affirm · Lesbian/Gay Rabbis Reformed J udiasm has joined the • small but growing number of • American religious institutions which • affirm lesbian/gay leadership. Meeting in Seattle in June, the 101st Convention of the Central Con• ference of American Rabbis approved a resolution which states that "all Reconciling Congregations DISTRICT OF COLUM BIA W ashinl:,'ton Christ UMC Dumbarton UMC GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-AJdersgate UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albanv Park UMC Irving' Park UMC United Church of Rogers Park DeKalb University UMC Evanston Hemenway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Park Euclid Avenue U~C K ANSAS Mis.~ioll ecumenikofl WUlSIAl'llA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC MARYLA;~D Baltimore St. John's UM C MDiNESOfA M inneapolis Prospect Park IJMC Walker Community UMC Wesley UMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC l\EW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC N ew York M etropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC OHIO Toledo Central UMC OR EGO," Estacada EstacadaUMC Portland Metanoia Pl'acc Community rabbis, regardless of their sexual orientation, be accorded the opportunity to fulfill the sacred vocation which they have chosen." The resolution was part of a report which a special committee had prepared over the previous four years. Reformed Judaism, with an estimated membership of 1.5 million, is the most liberal and also the largest branch of Judaism in the U.S. While the resolution was a major step in the endorsement of lesbian/gay rabbis, one observer noted that it was largely symbolic because the Hebrew Union College-Jewish Institute of Religion already has a policy of admitting lesbians and gay men to the rabbinical training program. Lesbians and gay rabbis must still be concerned about placement, which is the final decision of the congregation. The report approved also states "in light of the limited ability of the Placement Commission or the Central Conference of American Rabbis to guarantee the tenure of gay or lesbian rabbis who 'come out of the closet; the committee does not want to encourage colleagues to put their careers at risk."~ r'EN,\SYLVA"\JA Philadelphia Calvarv UMC First UMC of Germantown TEi\i\ESSEE Nashville Edgehill (jMC WASH1NG1UN Seattle Capitol Hill UYlC Wallingford UMC WIS(;()NSI~ Mlldi~o" Univt'rsity UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC Reconciling Conferences California-N(,vada New YiJrk Northern Illinois Troy Reconciling Organization Methodist Federation for Social Action 24 Summer 1990 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 6 No 1 - Telling Our Stories: Ministries of Inclusiveness https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/b7588a278fabf473bf715e2b90ba9342.pdf 2a121120c7c2d987c5d3a3f45d2f14af Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 6 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 2 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1990 Publication Date The date the issue was published Fall Text Any textual data included in the document ----------------------------------- Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc., as a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Each issue of Open Hands focuses on a particular area of concern related to gay men and lesbians within the Church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. In this network, Reconciling Congregations fmd strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations, along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Mfirming (United Church of ChristfDisciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist) congregations, offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the Reconciling Congregation Program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Information about the program and these resources can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 6 No.2 Fall 1990 Exploring the Dilemmas ................................................................ 4 M. Burrill A Covenant Written on Our Hearts............................................... 5 Tom Russell Holy Union: One Church's Experience......................................... 7 Graeme and Jane Donovan You Do, I Don't...............................................................................10 Mary E. Hunt Two Couples Who Did..................................................................... 12 Tom Russell A Risk and A Revelation ................................................................. 14 Peg Beissert Churches Move...Cautiously .......................................................... 15 Mark Bowman The Law and the Prophets: Precedents for the Church's Blessing of Extra-Legal Marriages ................................. 16 Melvin R. Woodworth Social Change: Domestic Partner Legislation ............................... 17 Donna Jones Sustaining the Spirit....................................................................... 18 Resources ..................................................................... ................... 20 Letters.............................................................................................. 21 RCP Report.................................................................................... 22 Two Couples Social Change: Domestic Who Did ........................12 Partner Legislation...........17 Open Hands • 2 Confronted By Love: The "Holy Union" Controversy ,'T hose whom God has joined together, let no one put asunder." With those words, many a couple have begun their lives as married people joined to one another in "holy matrimony." But what happens to lesbian and gay people of faith who wish to commit to each other before God and the community of believers? Our reconciling movement boldly declares that gay men and lesbians are vital parts of the family of God. But does that include celebrating lesbian/gay relationships, too? If it does, what do such celebrations consist of and what blessings, obstacles, and ramifications can we expect? To some churches, this is new ground to explore for the first time, while others have faced these challenges many times. This issue of Open Hands looks at covenant celebrations within the church between same-gender couples, sometimes called "holy unions." In addition to exploring the theology of covenant relationships, we present stories of churches and individuals who have had experience with services of commitment. Through these interviews, narratives, and reflections, the complexity of this concern unfolds. Covenants within Christian tradition are not taken lightly and samegender covenants are no exception. Controversy exists even within the lesbian/gay community concerning the desirability of such services of commitment. In addition, gay/lesbian partnerships raise issues of justice in the larger community. Inequities in insurance, income tax, and legal matters have inspired some to work to pass domestic partner legislation in a number of jurisdictions. Our faith tradition is full of stories of people bound together in committed relationships. This tradition continues herein as we explore the possibilities and meanings of covenantal commitments.... Next Issues Theme: Adolescents and Homosexuality Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors M. Burrill Tom Russell Editorial Assistants Van Dixon Donna Jones Graphic Design Supon Design Group Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters to the editors, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1990 by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. Member, The Associated Omrch Press ISSN 0888-8833 Fall 1990 3 Exploring the DileIIllllas by M. Burrill Human beings have a need for close relationships. In the creation story in Genesis 2, God recognizes the need for humans to have companionship. This drive towards intimacy plays itself out in this society by the "coupling phenomenon." From fairy tales to children's dreams of growing up, the plan is to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. Lesbians and gay men dream, too, of falling in love, fmding life partners, and living happily ever after. They sometimes desire a public acknowledgement or celebration of that partnership. A recent national survey of 1,266 lesbian and gay couples discovered 19% of the lesbian couples and 11% of the male couples stated that they had held a ceremony of some kind to recognize their relationship. (See page 24.) In recent history, the church has been the usual environment for marriages. As more churches identify themselves as open to gay men and lesbians, and as more lesbian and gay couples are open about their relationships, the issue of celebrating commitment ceremonies between persons of the same gender increasingly confronts people of faith. Celebrating gayllesbian "unions" within the church has personal, social, religious, institutional, and pastoral implications. Personal Issues Gayllesbian couples considering a church ceremony grapple with a number of issues in the personal arena. To publicly celebrate a relationship means a larger degree of visibility for that relationship. The sometimes comforting cloak of invisibility falls away. Lesbian/gay couples often struggle to determine whether such a ceremony merely copies heterosexual marriages or has unique significance for their lives. Through a commitment service, a couple could seek to legitimize a relationship spurned by society and the church. Some couples yearn also for the legal sanctions afforded marriages in this culture. Social Implications If a church moves forward to celebrate commitment ceremonies for lesbian/gay couples, it risks being unpopulal' in the community. Performing, encouraging, and supporting "lesbian and gay marriages" upsets the heterosexual status quo. Reconciling Congregations often weigh the pros and cons of proclaiming a public policy supporting covenant ceremonies or going quietly about their ministry, which may well include such ceremonies. A church's involvement in commitment services, including marriages, perpetuates the two-by-two stereotype often to the exclusion of other relational options. The early Christian church vision of community is redefined in our age to refer to a loose conglomerate of twos and threes. Other options for living in community are ignored or stigmatized. Religious Ramifications Some churches offer gayllesbian covenant celebrations out of a sense of justice. Ifa celebration of relationship is offered to nongaylleshian couples in the form of marriage, why not to lesbians and gay men? For churches in the reconciling movement, the decision to publicly support same-gender commitments often comes as a result of growth beyond the initial position of openness to gayllesbian people to that of actively nurturing and celebrating same-gender relationships. Churches involved with lesbian/gay commitment services grapple with their theology of covenant and marriage. One unspoken dimension of this dilemma is sexual expression. Marriage has traditionally been seen as the bond within which full sexual expression is blessed. When churches publicly support and celebrate committed gay and lesbian relationships through a service of union, they are blessing sexual expression within those relationships. This brings sex into the open when it previously had been more comfortably ignored. Institutional Complications Churches and clergy responding to lesbian and gay church members' requests for commitment services have been told by hierarchies that participating in commitment services risks consequences. Being prophetic in such a political system as the church can have negative repercussions. Pastoral Implications Once a congregation celebrates a lesbian or gay relationship, it takes on serious pastoral responsibilities as well. Counseling, support, and recognition are all part of that role. The celebration is not the end but the beginning of a congregation's relationship to that couple as a family. Lesb!an/gay couples suffer from invisibility much of the time. When couples break up, the congregation should realize that a divorce has just occurred and respond with love and care. In the above-mentioned survey, although a majority of respondents claimed a Judeo-Christian fc.ith (53% of women and 620/0 of men), they also ranked the church as the lowest source of support for their relationship. The church was ranked as more hostile than family members, coworkers, and friends. Only four percent of the couples had sought relationship help from clergy. The need for commitment services for gayllesbian relationships raises complex questions for the church requiring equally complex answers. As we respond to these questions in faith and love, we are reminded that love is our calling. We are created by a God of love and we respond by loving God and loving one another.T M. Burrill is coeditor ojOpen Ha,nds. . 4 Open Hands ~ ~ S q, This kind of by Tom RusseU Our lives are filled with relationships of one sort or anothernuclear and chosen families, work colleagues, the people in the neighborhood or building where we live, acquaintances, special friends, housemates, church friends and school chums. These are just a few of the overlapping circles where some friendships are like dust in the wind, while others endure and flourish. How is it then that we understand theologically our deep feelings in those relationships that we care most about, those that are intense, valuable, and longlasting, those where we are also intimate, sexually expressive, and vulnerable? In the Christian tradition, we often look to the Bible to illustrate relationships which give meaning to our present situation. Whether or not they had legal status or a religious ceremony, Abraham and Sarah lived a long life together in covenant with each other strengthened by their mutual faith in God. When the men in their lives died, Ruth and Naomi no longer had any legal ties to bind them together. Naomi, as the elder, encouraged Ruth to return to her own family across the river valley. Ruth refused and instead chose to remain as Naomi's companion. Despite differences in age and ethnicity, they made a promise offriendship and loyalty (Ruth 1: 16-17). While there is no mention of a sexual relationship in this covenant, the possibility cannot be excluded. Fall 1990 biblical promise, like the one between David and Jonathan (I == Samuel 18:3), as w~ll as the one between Abraham and Sarah, is understood as a "covenant," that is, a solemn agreement or oath made verbally and, sometimes, with symbolic action. A major focus of Hebrew history and theology and later Christian interpretation is that God and humanity are in covenant with each otherhumans accepting the covenant oflove and responsibility that God offers. God is gracious and offers to continue to lead humanity from slavery to freedom, from exile to redemption. Subsequent covenants between humans are influenced by our faith and our understanding of the divine-human covenant. The scriptures are full of examples of various types of covenants: 1) differing interpretations of the divine-human covenant, 2) warring tribes and nations settling differences, and 3) families and individuals agreeing on everything from payments and property to eternal fidelity. The Divine-Human Encounter Israel's self-identification as a religious community and as a nation was seen, and in some ways is still seen, in covenant relationship to God, much like a stern but loving monarch who makes agreements with the people who serve as protected vassals. The covenant at Mt. Sinai where God gives the people the Ten Commandments is a good example of this in the early Hebrew tradition. ( continued on next page) 5 In Christian faith, the core of the new covenant in Jesus of Nazareth can be summarized in John 3:16 and 13:34-35: For God so loved the that God gave God's only Child, that whoever believes in that Child should not perish but have eternal life. A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. Covenants as Treaties between Nations The Hittite Empire (ca. 1400-1200 B.C.E.) and other conquering states usually forced vassal kings into covenant agreements of obedience and financiaIJrnilitary obligations to the empire, with the gods appealed to as witnesses to this contract. A synonym of covenant in the Hebrew scriptures is the notion of ""oath" as the act of formally binding a contract. There are numerous examples of such oaths betweens individuals and peace treaties and alliances between rival ethnic and national groups. One significant common factor in these early understandings of covenant is that they were agreements between unequal parties-between God and humanity or between a warring kingdom and a conquered state. Covenant ofEquals However, the covenants of David and Jonathan and of Ruth and Naomi, unlike those of conquered nations and social unequals, are ones of mutuality-a pledge of life-long friendship and loyalty, with apparently no formal contractualobligations. ""Then Jonathan made a covenant with David, because he loved him as his own soul." (I Samuel 18:3). This pledge is made as equals who give their love to each other in trust. Some such oaths or covenants impose specific obligations on both parties, some have no stipulations. A Covenant Written on Our Hearts Many believers look to the words of Jeremiah for the embodiment of a covenant that embraces all people from the least to the greatest: The days are surely coming...when I will make a new covenant...it will not be like the covenant I made with their ancestors...that they broke.. .1 will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. No longer shall they teach one another, or say to each other ""Know the Lord," for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest. (Jeremiah 31:3lff.) • 6 As followers of Jesus Christ, the Christian church has defme itself (ifthere is anyone defmition!) as the community of believers in covenant with God through Jesus Christ and in covenant with one another. An ancient Christian faith saying is, ""God has become a human being that humans might become more like God." God's loving action and covenant in Jesus Christ draw us closer to God and closer to each other. Weare in dynamic movement, becoming more like God. God is not simply love as an abstract noun, but the divine Lover, who actively seeks us out and offers loving relationship to us, and encourages us to form loving relationships with other people as reflections and icons of God's divine love.l For a faithful people groaning under oppressive traditions imposed by a combination of the powers of religion and state, the Hebrew prophets and the teachings of Jesus were a license for liberation. This call to liberation legitimized the role of the individual and the community in determining the way their faith was manifested in their lives. Rather than being a covenant only for the nation and its cult, the covenant written on our hearts helps us to draw the circle of community closer. Since it is not just my heart, but yours as well, I must hear you while asking you to hear me. This is a key element of community. Since this covenant is written on the heart of the greatest and the least, I must hear the rich and the poor, the educated and the uneducated, the healthy and the sick, the Black and the White, the heteosexual and the homosexual. ""The commonwealth of God is not coming with things that can be observed...For, in fact, the commonwealth of God is among you." (Luke 17:20ff). The fact that there are now individual congregations willing to offer their support, prayers, and respect to partners of the same gender who desire to covenant to live their faithful lives together demonstrates that there are a few who are listening to what is written on the hearts of the gay brothers and lesbian sisters of faith. It also suggests that many committed same-gender couples, despite the Church's general stubborn and negative response, are increasingly willing to more fully share their faith with their community. By so doing, we are faithful to the instruction of Jesus not to "'hide our light under a bushel." .. I Robert Williams, Anglican Theological Review, Spring 1990, p. 150. Tom Russell was a US-2 mission volunteer in New Mexico and mission intern in the Middle Eastfor the United Methodist Board ofGlobal Ministries and is now a member ofSt. John's of Baltimore City UMC in Baltimore, Maryland. This article was adapted and excerptedfrom a copyrighted and unpublished article by Peter L. De Groote entitled "Holy Unions. " Open Hands Holy Union: One Church~s Experience by Graeme and Jane Donovan We should have known that making the decision to conduct a holy union in our church would be the easy part. Mter all, Dumbarton United Methodist Church, in the Georgetown section of Washington, D.C., has spent lots of time and corporate angst in the last twenty years making decisions on difficult or controversial social issues, only to find their consequences to be beyond any "what if..." on our carefully thought-out list of contingencies. There was the time, for example, when we decided to use the church as a pick-up point for homeless persons in the vicinity, a place where they could fmd a cup of coffee on a cold afternoon while waiting for a vehicle to take them to the city shelter for the night. We had agonized over everything from theft to lice, but it turned out to be our neighbors, the people who lived in the big houses along the street, who did in our plan. They said they would take us to court if we went ahead. That was that. Several years later, when we voted to join the Sanctuary Movement and sponsor a refugee from Central America, we assumed we would be sheltering someone who, fearful of the dangers just escaped, would make every effort to blend in as quickly as possible-and stay out of trouble. We did not anticipate that our refugee would promptly set off on a cross-country speaking tour to call attention to human rights abuses in the region, or later be arrested and undergo deportation hearings (with fortunate results so far, but many anxieties along the way). When we voted to become a Reconciling Congregation, we thought we had talked out every possible occurrence that could make us uncomfortable with the consequences of our decision. Later, we discovered that the decision-which we had reached after over a year of carefully planned studies and discussions in a deliberate and conscious process of consensus building-was no more than a beginning. The reality has been more decision-making, more agonizing, more facing up to our hidden prejudices and other inadequacies, and far more challenge and growth than we had imagined. With all this in our recent history, perhaps it should have come as no surprise that our decision to adopt a policy allowing holy unions, and setting a date to celebrate the union of two of our lesbian members, ended up as a major story in The Washington Post. D umbarton United Methodist Church is a small congregation of thoughtful, middle-class liberals. We take to heart John Wesley's teachings on social concerns and try not to shy away from the most difficult call, to be God's people in mission to the world. Knowing that we are part of United Methodism's "connectional" system, in which the church hierarchy can overrule us on occasion, had neve.t:.given us pause, because we saw our role within the denomination as one of bringing to the church as a whole the struggle to love our neighbors as ourselves, even Fall 1990 as we at Dumbarton struggle. We have not always agreed with the bishop or The Discipline, but we had never before found our disagreements featured in a major metropolitan daily newspaper. The morning of Friday, May 11, 1990, was different, however. Dumbarton members, our district superintendent, and our bishop awakened to the headline, "Methodist Congregation Blesses Lesbian Couple's Union," with their bran muffins and coffee. It was a big headline. And it wasn't the best thing for our immediate relationship with official United Methodism. The decision to hold this holy union came several years after our becoming a Reconciling Congregation and, like most of our decisions, after much struggle and discussion. While we had always felt that becoming a Reconciling Congregation implied a commitment to seek ways for our community to bless the loving relationships of gay men and lesbians in the same way that the Church has blessed those of heterosexual couples for hundreds of years, we had not specifically addressed the issue in our earlier discussions. We needed to decide exactly where we stood on the issue of holy unions, and why. We also wanted to spell out a policy for the guidance of future pastors who might not have traveled the same road we had. And, of course, some in our congregation, while comfortable with the decision to become a Reconciling Congregation, found that the issue of holy unions resurrected doubts they thought had been laid to rest. Dealing with such doubts right away has always been an important feature of our decision making. Indeed, we can scarcely avoid doing so, since Dumbarton is a congregation of strong-minded people, the kind who will let their reservations, doubts, and disagreements be known in no uncertain terms. So, although we had dealt with these concerns, at least enough to move forward as a community, the full glare of the public spotlight occasioned by the newspaper article raised yet others, not about our position on holy unions, but about what to do next. A number of news organizations, both secular and religious, wanted to know mOl'e about the rather too rare sight of a group of people trying to do a work of love in a loveless world. And most of them, truth be told, sensed here ""an angle," which was confrontation. Now, we had not set out to be confrontational. Ours was not an act of civil disobedience. It very quickly became clear, however, that acting upon our statement, actually allowing a celebration of holy union on our church premises, would be treated as an act of civil disobedience-and would be punished accordingly. This crisis reflected the confused, inconsistent, and entirely inadequate treatment of sexuality in the United Methodist Discipline, which claims to affirm the sacred worth of both heterosexual and homosexual persons, while denying (continued on next page) 7 Thefollowing storyis taken from the Summer 1990issue of VISION , the newsletter of University UMC, Madison, Wisconsin: Recent publicity generated by a United Methodist Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C., brought press attention to University Church as well. Services of celebration for "committed relationships between persons of the same sex" had been conducted for 3 112 years with the knowledge of the Cabinet (the Superintendents and Bishop of the Conference). The publicity, appearing in the Wisconsin State Journal on May 18, 1990, precipitated the issuance on May 24, 1990 of a two page statement from the Cabinet. In bold print in that statement appears the following directive: "Mter review of the 1988 Discipline and the practices of University Church, we believe that offering the "Celebration of Holy Union" for same sex persons, is incompatible with the Book ofDiscipline, The United Methodist Social Principles, is outside the parameters of the original Resolution of University Church, and thus must be discontinued." Full Text ofUniversity UM Omrch Resolution (adopted at a church conference December 16, 1986) Whereas, University United Methodist Church has a long tradition ofacceptance ofaU peoples regardless of sexual or affectional orientation as evidenced b)' the "Resolution Concerning the Openness ofUniversity United Methodist Church to AU Persons regardless ofSexual or Affectional Orientation;" Whereas, committed relationships between persons of the same sex can be ofthe same quality, depth, and duration, involve the same challenges, and need the same supportfrom the community as relationships recognized by marriage; Whereas, human companionship is essential in the biblical view ofhumanfulfrllment; and Whereas, the Discipline ofthe United Methodist Church affirms that lesbians and gay men " .. . are individuals of sacred worth, who need the ministry and guidance ofthe Church in their strugglesfor humanfulfillment, as well as the spiritual and emotional care ofa fellowship which enables reconciling relationships with God, with others, and with self. Further we insist that aU persons are to have their human and civil rights ensured ..." Now, therefore be it resolved that, in keeping with our tradition that lesbian and gay people are an integral part ofour ministry and community, we offer a service of celebrationfor lesbian and gay relationships; That, ourfacilities be made availablefor such services; and That, knowing that the Discipline gives pastors alone final responsibilityfor decisions concerning the performance ofreligious services in a congregation; we respectfully request that the pastor ofUniversity United Methodist Church ~fflCiate at such services as he/she deems appropriate, thus allowing couples to celebrate their continuing relationship with one another in the presence ofGod. • 8 the latter the right to be themselves without incurring the church's (official) displeasure. Itis hard, we suppose, for such an official policy to do any better than it did in our case, namely allowing churches to state that they will be in reconciling ministry with all people, but woe betide those who put flesh and blood on such a declaration! Our first concern was for the two people over whose heads this furor had erupted. The whole thing was supposed to be for their benefit, not a vehicle for yet another round of societal disdain. The world was full enough of such ill will, as hard experience had taught them. Perhaps that experience had taught them courage as well, for in the discussions which followed, they were an example and an inspiration to us, of patience, gentleness, forbearance, and wisdom. Under circumstances which no heterosexual couple must endure, they demonstrated their commitment to one another, their concern for the community, and their determination to move forward along the path upon which they firmly believed God had set their feet. The decisions Dumbarton Church have made have been fraught with suprises, serendipitous discoveries, graces, and graceful people. In the process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation, we learned new things about long-cherished members of our community and received new blessings from them, as we did also from newcomers who saw our struggles toward reconciliation as an invitation to join us. The lesson of our journeying is that loving is not an impoverishing but an enriching process, for lover as much as for loved. In spite of these gifts, in the matter of holy union, Dumbarton received a setback, a firm ""No" from the institutional chlll'ch, which took considerable effort to turn into a ""Yes." The hurt and humiliation we experienced were in direct proportion to our inability even to protect our members from the pain. But after the first shock, the first round of new doubts, the community coalesced in a way that was stronger than ever before. We reaffirmed our statement on holy unions as a reflection of who we are as a congregation, as an expression of belief. Beating a tactical retreat on the narrower issue of venue, we t'ejoiced when a chlll'ch of anothet· denomination was found to host the ceremony. Members of our congregation decorated the sanctuary, took part in the service, and hosted the reception which followed. Though not performed in our church building, the service nevertheless took place within our community of faith. Both the union and those united were supported by the congregation. The sky did not fall. We are now in a position to look back on these events, but we realize that foresight is never so clear. When we made the decision to perform a holy union, we did not anticipate all the outcomes. We sUl'Vived this crisis, but there was no guarantee that we would do so. Sometimes the sky does fall. Risky decisions would not be risky otherwise. Furthermore, we are on a journey. Just when we begin to be more comfortable with the landscape, it may change abruptly-and probably will, ifour experience is any guide. The hardest and most important things for us as members of a community are to face our own weaknesses and shortcomings, accept one another as finite persons equally in need of grace, and press on. From the short distance travelled so far, we can report that the journey is richly worth the effort.. Graeme and Jane Donovan are members ofDumbarton United Methodist Church in Washington, D.C. Open Hands Dumbarton United Methodist Church, Washington, D.C An Understanding ofLesbian/Gay Holy Unionsl Background Information As a church that has, after study, prayer, and deliberation, designated itself a Reconciling Congregation-in ministry with lesbian and gay people and their families-we continue to grow in our understanding of equitable and inclusive ministry. Through the Bible, we have come to know that Jesus Christ calls us to love both God and our neighbor. The church community is one place where we grow in relationship to God and our neighbor. When two people come together in life and spirit and develop a primary, committed relationship, the church is often asked to celebrate and bless the ""wedding" of their lives and spirits. Marriage: Licensed by the State, Blessed by the Church For heterosexual couples, that celebration takes place in Christian marriage. Marriage is licensed by the state, and the clergy who officiates is authorized to act as an agent of the state.2 As Bishop Spong notes, however, ""The church does not, in fact, marry anyone. People marry each other. The state, not the church, defines the nature of legal marriage. It does so by giving to the married couples the right of joint property ownership."3 Legal ramifications of marriage involve inheritance, legitimacy of children, custody rights, taxes, insurance, social security benefits, etc. The clergy who officiates also acts as an agent of the church, and in that role is witnessing a couple's ""public vows to love each other, to live in a faithful relationship, and to be mutually supportive and caring in all of life's vicissitudes."4 Once the clergy person has heard the covenant vows that the couple makes ""before God and this company," s/he then adds blessings, prayers, and the promise of supportive community. This is a gift from the church to the couple. Holy Unions: Neither Licensed nor Offered Blessing For same-gender (gay or lesbian) couples, the state refuses to issue licenses or recognize legal rights or obligations. Some same-gender couples undertake legal paperwork-"living together" contracts, wills, powers of attorney, guardianship, documents of joint ownership, joint insurance policies, etc.-to duplicate some of the benefits of marriage. Some benefits, however-such as social security, income tax, and child custody--can be granted only by state laws and licenses. Similarly, most Christian Protestant communities deny same-gender couples the opportunity to celebrate the wedding of their lives and spirits within the church. The gift has not been offered. Congregational Policy Dumbarton joins the growing movement of Christian churches that wish to offer the gift. We affirm the need for the church to celebrate, with a ""blessing of covenant" or ""holy union," commitments that lesbian/gay couples wish to makeand to celebrate them with the same serious and pastoral support that are afforded heterosexual couples in the service of marriage. Definition ofHoly Union A holy union is a religious celebration in which two persons ask for God's blessing; declare and affirm their faith, love, and commitment before God and the community; commit their common journey into the hands of God; reconcile themselves with God and with each other; and join their lives to the fullest of their capacity. Elements ofPre-Union Counseling The blessing of a gay or lesbian covenant should entail pre-union counse]jng. Although the content of such counse]jng would depend on the counselor's style and the couple's history, the same issues should be covered that one would cover in pre-marriage counseling with heterosexual couples: the meaning of covenant, communication, finances, household responsibilities, sexuality, relationships with children and extended family, careers, etc. Content ofServices The elements of a holy union are basically the same as any service of marriage: a time of gathering with or without music; a declaration of intent; appropriate prayers, scriptures, readings, and interpretation of the Word; the involvement of family and friends; covenant vows; an option on the exchange of rings or some other token of commitment; prayers of blessings; and the option of communion. The service can be as traditional or as contemporary as the individuals involved. Celebrant Holy unions are entirely a blessing and should be performed by a celebrant who understands and affirms the loving commitment being tmdertaken by the couple. Due to the controversial nature of celebrating holy unions, the pastor appointed to Dumbarton may choose not to be involved in the service himlherself, but is encouraged to help the couple find a suitable celebrant. Resolution In sum, it is the spirit of the Dumbarton congregation that the celebration of holy unions is a part of the ministry this congregation can offer to persons who otherwise have been denied the full ministry of the church. This means two things: (1) for those within the Dtunbarton community, we offer holy unions as part of our community life; (2) for those not within the community, we offer use of church facilities on the same basis as we offer them for services of marriage. I Policy of the congregation adoped May 3,1990, at Dmnharton United Medthodist Church, 3133 Dumharton Avenue, N.W., Washington, DC 20007 1 In many European countt;es, the legal (justice of the peace) procedures are hancUed separately fl'Om the religious celebration. ! Spong, John S., Livillg ill Sin? A Bishop Rethinks Hwnan Sexuality, New York: Harper and Row, 1988, p.200. ' Ibid. FaIl 1990 9 Tom Russell interviewed Mary and Marcia and also Mauro and Christopher in the summer of1990, heard stories oftheir relationships, laughed with them, looked at photo albums and heard their visions and hopes for theirfutures together. Cupid~s arrow often finds its mark unexpectedly. The May 1989 Gertrude Stein Democratic Club banquet in Washington~ D.C.~ was no ordinary political event in the lives of Mauro Montoya and Christopher Echols. Both men are leaders of the club and active in D.C. politics and the gay community~ yet they had never met~ only talked on the phone in planning the banquet. But both mark the banquet as the beginning of their friendship. The romance began in June~ there was a 4th of July ""American Cafe" picnic on the Capitol mall watching the fireworks~ and by October the once forbidden ""L" word was employed. ""I love you!~~ ""Will you marry me?" They lead busy lives of work~ politics and travel. Mauro is an attorney and executive dil'ector of Lifelink~ a people with AIDS coalition in D.C. Christopher is a computer software specialist on leave from his firm to assist in the D.C. mayoral campaign of Sharon Pratt Dixon. So~ with all the busy-ness~ it was no ordinary feat to grow in love and plan their sacred union! ""We both have such hectic lives~ so the preparations were both tense and wonderful. When we would fmally sit down to focus on the relationship and preparing for the ceremony, it was delightful.~~ ""We talked a lot about whether or not to have a ceremony. Why would we want to imitate straight people? I wanted to make a public statement and a public commitment of my love for Christopher. Nobody can tell me that I can~t do that.~' Originally~ Mauro wanted a ceremony, but not a religious one. Since Christopher is Episcopalian~ Mauro knew how much his partner wanted a Christian context for their wedding. ""I knew it would mean a lot to Christopher to have a priest bless our union." The date was set and they asked The Rev. Jerry Anderson~ chaplain of the Episcopal Caring Response to AIDS~ to celebrate at their sacred union. On June 23~ 1990~ after a frantic spring organizing political events in addition to their personal preparations for the ceremony, 200 guests gathered in the Rose Garden of the Friends Meeting House to honor the union of Christopher and Mauro. This was the first time the Friends Meeting House had been used for a same-gender wedding. The Old Testament passage spoke of the love of David and Jonathan. The two friends who stood up with them during the liturgy were ""best persons." They made their vows~ exchanged rings~ prayed the Lord~s Prayer and a friend of theirs sang the prayer of St. Francis. ""We cried big time. "'During the ceremony ~ when Rev. Anderson asked the congregation if they would support and encourage us in our union, everyone broke out into applause. '''It was so wonderful! It~s helped a lot of people. In fact~ two other couples have since had unions as a result of ours." The challenges of their sacred calling continue for' Christopher and Mauro beyond the ceremony and the early months of their life together. Together they walk the path toward justice~ comfort, hope and healing for those who are HIV positive and those living with AIDS. Together they struggle for a better political order for all the people of Washington, D. C. And together they grow in the grace and power oflove. • 12 Open Hands The following excerpt from their Covenant Statement conveys much of their Christian faith and their spiritual vision together with God in community: [Marcia and Mary]join their lives as amzpanions, a couple, to form a family that emerges out ofa manifested deep love given to each other over a nineteen yearjourney, that responds to their first and still primary love for God. They believe that the Spirit has led them to the mystery and discovery oflove through each other and to the depth ofthat love's shared expressions. They believe that in the formati?n ofthis family, love will be given the nurturing to bloom and grow. Together they will provide an environment where each will become more hospitable, reach new horizons ofcreativity, missional e}fictiveness, and spiritual depth through that love. They expect their love to reach out beyond themselves to the world and its need. Mary and Marcia Radiance and joy are the words that come to mind listening to Marcia and Mary tell their story of love and companionship. August 14, 1990, was the 6th anniversary of their "Covenanting Service" celebrated with friends and food, promises and prayers, singing and balloons. Since they met in 1965 at a midwestern university, these two wonderful women have chronicled their journey over the years. They longed for each other's company and grew in their love despite the fact that they lived in different states for 19 years. They were able to see each other on average about twice a year--on holidays, Christmas, church camp, mission events, workshops, funerals, vacations. Mary is a preacher's daughter and grew up in United Methodist parsonages. She is now a professional in the Church and both she and Marcia, who is a manager/ organizer for a not-for-profit group, feel that they cannot use their last names because of the professional risk for Mary in the United Methodist Church. They've dealt with the non-acceptance of their relationship in another Christian group, too. When they approached the religious order to which they belonged with the news that they wished to become a family recognized by their community, there was great debate and finally a decision of "no consensus." As inclusive and progressive as that group was, they had never before wrestled with the issue of an open lesbian couple recognized as a family among them. Although there was no consensus within their religious community, there was a subgroup of the members, dubbed the Lavender League, who whole-heartedly supported them and helped them plan for their covenanting service. Most of the Lavender League were also members of the Good Shepherd Parish of the Metropolitan Community Church in Chicago. Marcia and Mary speak of what they had intended for their ceremony, "We wanted to publicly proclaim our love to one another rather than toast each other in private and proclaim ourselves life-mates. We did this before God and our community-in the context of the Christian church. This community supports us and continues with us in our spiritual journey. "We send a family letter each year to the friends who were there with us at our covenant service-to let them know how things are going with Mary and me. There is accountability through the community for our growth as a family. "We understood what we did as a covenanting event, rather than a marriage/wedding, as traditionally marriage assumes the union of heterosexual persons. We did not want to imitate the heterosexual wedding. "We have joined in a Christian covenant, a distinctively different relationship than a state recognized legal commitment. While we believe same gender unions should become legally honored, that is not the primary pm·pose for family creation based on mutual faith. Our model is the Biblical understanding of covenant, a relationship with God not subject to state law. Socially, we refer to our relationship as "life-mates" and, indeed, envision a life-long covenant." In preparing for their ritual Marcia and Mary wrote the story of their friendship and a covenant statement, discussed their "mission" as a family, the meaning of their shared lives and created a family symbol that helps to picture their values and shared vision. They also discussed budget and finances. The Lavender League prepared the feast, a congregational dinner before the ceremony, and a reception and giftgiving following. There wet'e balloons and songs, prayers and promises and lots of good memories...sacred memories. One of those memories Mary speaks of is the pastor who led the covenant sel'Vice. "We even had an ordained United Methodist minister. This was very powerful and significant for us. It felt right. We joked with our pastor because joining a lesbian couple was her first official act since her ordination a short time before. What a way to begin her ministry in the United Methodist Church!"'Fall 1990 13 A Risk and A Revelation by Peg Beissert ship stand up against the flack they would anxiety. I feared that the service I was I approached the church with great have to bear? And why, I wondered, why about to witness would be extremely must they be subjected to that kind of offensive to me. Hmy situation became oppression? too difficult what should I, as pastor, do? The other question that bothered me Walk out? That dramatic action seemed had to do with my own apprehensions almost as unbearable as it might be to about the service. I told myself I should experience what was ahead. have known this service would be tasteful, The church was located in the midst of in good order, and meaningful as well. a gay community and many of its members Both Bill and Gary had been two of the were homosexual. The service was to most dedicated Christians I had ever met. celebrate the union of two of its men. In truth, Gary was an ordained minister It was a lovely evening. I sat quietly in in another denomination and Bill a most the warm glow of candlelight. Friends of devout church leader. They are quality the participants entered, well groomed, I noticed, and if they spoke at all, it was in subdued tones. So far, so good. What I most feared was that this would be some kind of parody on marriage. I am sure there were old stereotypes of gay people rattling in the back of my head that caused me to think this. In addition, I was recently widowed after a wonderful marriage. Any "put downs" of that institution would be more than I could handle. As the church filled, the time to start arrived. It was not necessary that a pastor officiate since this was not a legal ceremony. All it could be was a celebration of friendship. Bill and Gary, both dressed in dark suits, walked down the aisle together. During much of the service they faced each other. The leader spoke about the meaning of the ceremony. He deplored the fact that such a service was not properly recognized in the church, nor in society in general. He lifted up the love and respect these two people had long held for each other. He prayed that they be sustained in their relationship because, unlike marriages supported by families of the bride and groom, such union services are not taken seriously by the community. Indeed, any rift in the relationship is often looked on as a good move to break up "this foolishness." The participants exchanged promises of continued caring and of their willingness to be supportive and to assist in each other's growth. And now, I thought, there will be a distasteful display of...of...of what? Probably prolonged kisses and overdone affection like I had witnessed as a pastor in a good many heterosexual marriages, creating only embarrassment. Instead, Bill and Gary simply gave each other a small hug and a smile, turned and walked back down the aisle together. I saw the parents of both men leave then, followed by the witnessing community. I sat very still as the tears ran down my face. What was ahead for these two very special people? Facing a world that would deride them, could their relation-people with much courage. Since that time, I have taken a role in quite a few union services. I have officiated when communion is requested. I have heard a man tell his partner, "Society does not understand; nevertheless, I love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." If ever I have felt the presence of a loving God it has been in the midst of such moments when a deep and abiding love between two people is being expressed. When will the church catch up with God's leading? Once when I was preparing a service for two women, I realized how very little I had to change the words in the ceremony I usually used for marriages. With the exception of "husband" and "wife," the focus was on trust in a relationship, on fidelity and love, on communication and support for each other. The whole turmoil over homosexuality is reflected in the story of Adam and Eve. Those two wrestled with God for power. The continuing story of humanity and the divine centers on our desire to limit God. "You may only create one model of humanity, God. Let that be like the majority of us-heterosexual." Then we sit in judgment of each other, having made our own rules. I once was in a huge aquarium. The walls formed the tanks and visitors walked up graduated ramps in the center of the building. There were fish: the skates, swimming like birds flying; there were fish that resembled miniature trees; and there were species that lay on the floor of the tank like dead stones. Why is it we can marvel at all this creativity of God in the natural world without desiring to change one bit of it? We applaud it and it delights us. But when it comes to human life we become rigid and deplore the slightest variances. God is inviting us to delight in the whole panorama of human creation.t The Rev. Peg Beissert is director ofThe Lazarus Project, a gay and lesbian ministry, at West Hollywood Presbyterian Church, Hollywood, California. • 14 Open Hands Churches Move ... Cautiously by Mark Bowman Within a month after founding the Metropolitan Community Church of Los Angeles, the Rev. Troy Perry performed the first holy union there in November, 1968. The term "holy union" is closely identified with the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (UFMCC), which defmes it as a rite within its bylaws. While most other faith traditions have been slow to respond to the desires of same-gender couples to bless their committed relationships, the UFMCC has carried on this ministry within the lesbian/ gay community for many years now. The practice of same-gender union services is not a recent phenomenon in the church, however. Yale historian Dr. John Boswell has traced liturgies for same-gender marriages back to sixth-century liturgical manuals [see article in Open Hands, vol. 5, no. 2, p. 16]. These samegender weddings appear to have been commonly celebrated for several centuries. Only when European civil authorities enacted antihomosexual laws beginning in the 13th century did the church begin to rett'eat from its tradition of blessing same-gender love. S'. ome other modern faith traditions have followed the lead of the UFMCC and openly celebrated samegender commitments. The Unital'ian-Universalist Association has a national policy encouraging its J)astors and congregations to perform such services. One association leader estimates that about one-half of the denomination's 700 pastors have celebrated same-gender unions, ""and the rest haven't been asked yet." The Society of Friends has been offieially performing same-gender ""celebrations of commitmcnt" since 1981. As a decentralized church, the Friends' rite of marriage is defined by the local meetings (congregations). The University Friends Meeting in Seattle, Washington was the first to bless a lesbian couple ""under the care of the meeting." About 30 other local meetings have subsequently agrced to bless gay or lesbian ['elationships. The progression of this movement within the Friends' tradition reveals a common struggle within most other faith traditions-what do we call such acts? The initial service in 1981 in Seattle was to be called a ""marriage." However, when one member of the meeting objected, the couple eventually agreed to call their service a ""celebration of commitment." Some other meetings then defined the rite as a "'same-gender celebration of commitment." However, under pressure from some lesbian or gay couples who wanted their commitments equally recognized with those of heterosexual couples, some meetings defined the rite as ""marriage." Recognizing that the issue of naming the rite is as volatile in the lesbian/gay community (where there is also strong sentiment against ""milnicking heterosexual institutions") as it is in the church, many Fdends' meetings have decided to let the couple name the service themselves. The mainline Protestant and Roman Catholic churches have been much more cautious in their recognition of same-gender union services. The Roman Catholic Church and Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA) officially prescribe sexual activity only within heterosexual marriage. The Episcopal, Presbyterian (U.S.A.), United Church of Christ, and United Methodist churches do not have explicit policies which ban samegender unions, but their traditions assume such a policy. Yet local congregations, clergy, and some judicatories are beginning to break with this tradition and bless samegender unions. Within the Episcopal Church, the Diocese of Rochester developed an official service of '"celebration and affirmation of a covenant relationship" 15 years ago. The Diocese of California has adopted a sitnilar policy and the bishops of Newark and New York have openly supported such covenanting services. Across the denominational spectrum, many clergy are coming to the conclusion that blessing lesbian or gay relationships is their only compassionate response to the church's complicity in decades, even centuries, of undermining or destroying these same committed relationships. Other clergy note that they commonly bless buildings, homes, and other human institutions; therefore, how can they not bless a loving relationship between two women or two men,? The ""reconciling" local church movements within several Protestant denominations have spawned an increasing number of congregations that joyfully celebrate the unions of their leshian or gay members. Whi,le no official national statistics are available, the UFMCC probahly celebrates over 10,000 holy unions each year and hundreds, perhaps thousands, more are perfot'med in other churches. This growing demand upon the churches hy lesbian and gay couples and the affit'mative -response of more and more clergy and congregations indicates a forthcoming change. Undoubtedly, policies about same-gender unions will be hotly debated within the larger denominations in the coming decade. Yet the eventual outcome seems clear-the compelling nature of love and covenanting in the Christian scriptur'es and tradition will lead the churches to overcome fears and myths and to celebt'ate the loving covenants oflesbians and gay men. T Mark Bowman i.5 coordinator ofthe Reconciling Congregation Program and a member ofChri.5t UMC in Washington, D.C. Fall 1990 15 The Law and the Prophets: Precedents for the Church~s Blessing ofExtra-Legal Marriages by Melvin R. Woodworth ""Will I officiate at the wedding of two women or two men?" The question of celebrating gay and lesbian weddings is not academic. Indeed, it is the issue of the day for many clergy. Yet pastors nudged by the Spirit to extend the Church's blessing to a marriage unlicensed by the state are often unaware of their authority to take such action. The notion that clerical authority to perform marriages exists only within the limits of civil law is a recent one; historically, this has not been the case. The early Christian Church was only peripherally involved in weddings. Marriage was considered a worldly institution best avoided by an ascetic faith. While priests often participated in marriage ceremonies, the regulation of contractual and physical relationships was considered to be the right and responsibility of the state. In 210 A.D. the Roman Senate legislated a change in marriage law. In order to make the greatest number of women available to men in the highest social strata, marriage between a woman and a man of lower social standing was made illegal. Pope Calixtus was outraged. Christian men were lal-gely from the lower social classes while women were often of higher social standing. Church leaders wanted members to marry within the faith, but the new Roman law made this illegal for many Christian women. Pope Calixtus, asset-ting that marriage is a Godgiven relationship between Christians, claimed the right of the church to solemnize marriages, even those violating the new law. As the centuries passed, the church claimed jurisdiction over marriage. When the Roman empire collapsed, the church made good its claim and became sole arbiter of marital matters. Tension between church and state over the control of marriage returned during the sixteenth centm'y, and in the seventeenth century the English government Antimiscegenation Laws The struggle to gain legal acceptance of lesbian/gay relationships has a parallel in the fight to repeal laws limiting interracial matTiages. Thesc antimiscegenation statutes were in force in 31 states as recently as the end of World War II. In the years which followed, churches in the U.S. played a role in theil-elimination by establishing study commissions, educating (~hurch members, and issuing statements uq,'ing the repeal or nullification of laws prohibiting interr-acial marriages. The United States SupI'eme Court refused two opportunities to address this issue, finally acting in the 1967 decision Loving v. Virginia to strike down the laws then remaining in 16 states. References: Sickels, Rohert J. , Race. Marriage. and the Law, Alhuquel'tluP: Univprsily of New Mexico Press, 1972. Washington, JosPl'h R., Jr.• Marriage in Black and White, Boston: Bt'aeon Press, 1970. made marriage a civil rather than a holy rite, claiming for itself the right to establish limits to marriage. The church, however, refused to recognize this shift of authority. In the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, marriage became a source of revenue for the crown. William and Mary required expensive licenses before a wedding could legally be performed, effectively barring most of the population from marrying. Priests responded by solemnizing marriages and granting certificates even when there was no license. During this period, the majority of English marriages were unlicensed. Many Christians of the time conceded that the state had a legitimate interest in regulating and recording marriages in order to promote the common good and provide a means of arbitrating parentage and property issues. Most, however, held that the church had as much or more authority as the state to recognize and socially authenticate a marriage. Recognizing that the very act of publicly announcing a marriage is a blessing, the church has maintained the right to make such public proclamation before God and the community of faith. Because marriage is a goal and process as well as a declared reality, the church has insisted on the right to be God's agent of blessing for marriages between Christians. Tremendous prices have been paid personally, socially, and judicially, by couples and clergy alike, when the church has recognized marriages that the civil law did not. Fear of paying a pI-ice, however, should not dissuade a pastor from solemnizing an unlicensed marriage; this pt-ice is the cost of discipleship. The Discipline ofthe United Methodist Church -1988 specifies that ""The decision to perform the ceremony [of marriage] shall be the right and responsibility of the pastor." (par 139f) Through the ages clergy have exercised this right and responsibility prophetically, bringing social change in accordance with God's will and in spite of societal criticism. Marriage between two women or two men has fallen out of practice in the church, but gay and lesbian Christians are increasingly declaring their marriages and requesting the church's formal l-ecognition of these relationships. The pastor has the right and the responsibility to grant these l'equests.~ A discussion of thf' confli!'! ht'lwef'n Pope Calixtus and the Roman marriage l'eform laws can lit' found in: Murstein, Bernarcl, Love, Sex and Marriage through the Ages, New YOl'k: Springel' Puhlishing Company, 1974, p. 9(). Lietzmann, Hans, A History ofthe Early Church, Clevf'land: World Puhlishing Company, 1953, p. 248. El'nst, Wilhelm, "Marriage as Institution and the Contemporary Challenge to It" in ContempOl'ary Pf'l'speclives on Christian Maniage, e' Richard Malone and John R. Connery, Chieago: Loyola Univt'l'sity Press, ]984, p, 59, Aclditional information about maniagf' lieenses ancl the Church's refusal to he hound hy tht'ir l'equil'ements t:an be found in Lacey, T. A., Marriage ill Chu.rch and State, London: R. Seotl, 1912. Melvin R. Woodworth is a member ofthe Pacifu: Northwest Annual Conference and pastor ofthe Redmond United Methodist Church in Redmond, Washington. 16 Open Hands Social Change: DOlllestic Partner Legislation by Donna Jones The societal equivalent of the holy union controversy in the church is the legal and legislative issue of domestic partnership. In many communities across the country, this movement is working to pt'ovide lesbian/gay couples and other I.l.domestic partners" with the same rights and privileges that married couples receive. Domestic pat'tnership is generally defined as two persons living together who are not related by blood, at'e not man-ied, are eighteen years or older, are each other's sole domestic partner, and are mutually t'esponsible for thcir common welfare. The need for domestic partner legislation becomes evident when one examines the changing demographics of the U.S. population. In 1988, pt'eliminary census data indicated that only 270/0 of the nation's 91.] million households (down from 40% in 1970) fit the traditional definition of family-heterosexual, married couple with children. Today's households are compt'ised largely of singlc parents, a stepparent Ot' pat'ents, extended families, unmarried male/ female couples, same-gendel' couples with and without childt'en, and one-person households. Since many of our society's cmployment benefits and civil pt'otections al'e based upon mat'ital or blood t'elationships, these benefits are thereby denied to the vast majOl'ity of households in our country. Some municipalities and employers aloe working to change this dispat'ity. Since 1985, there have been 12 cities which have adopted some kind of domestic pal'tner legislation: West Hollywood, Bed(e\ey, Santa Cruz, Los Angelcs, San Ft'ancisco, and Laguna Beach, all in CaLifot'nia; Takoma Pad(, Mat'yland; Madison, Wisconsin; Seattle, Washington; Ithaca, New YOl'k; New York City; and Washington, D.C. At present there al"C only two states that are considering domestic partner legislation-Illinois and New Yol'i(. The city of West Hollywood initially approved a domestic pal"tner ordinance in Febt'uary, 1985, which covet'ed pat'ental, sick, and bet'eavement leave. Later, the city added health coverage for domestic partners. West Hollywood also allows any couple who satisfies the legal requirements, even those not residing there, to ['egister as domestic partners and be officially recognized within the Fall] 990 boundaries of that city. Related benefits include guaranteed visitation rights in city jails and hospitals, and protection from housing eviction. Berkeley's ordinance, passed in 1985 and in 1987, gives medical benefits and sick and bereavement leave to city employees who are domestic partners. An affidavit is signed only for health plan"purposes and is not a matter of public record. In 1988, Madison passed an ot'dinance providing sick and bereavement leave for city employees. The city council also changed a zoning ordinance to expand the definition of family to include domestic partnet's, so that unmarried and um'elated adults with children could live together. The city is now considering laws that would extend benefits to domestic partners in public accommodations and also would provide insurance coverage for domestic partners of city employees. In the latter case, all insurance providers contacted so far have refused to provide such coverage, which is the problem many municipalities have faced. Seattle's domestic partnership journey began with a 1988 briefing paper produced by the mayor's lesbian and gay task fOl"ce, which pt'ovided background and a rationale for extending benefits to domestic pal·tners. (This briefing paper has been used throughout the country as a tool to study domcstic partner issues.) In 1989, an ordinance was passed to define domestic partnership for city employees and to provide sick and bet'eavement leave fOI: domestic partners. The city is now planning to become self-insured so that it can begin providing medical benefits. As most cities have discovered, the majority of couples initially registering fOI' domestic pat'tner benefits have been heterosexual couples. A nothet' way to obtain domestic partnet' benefits is through an employeL A small, but growing, number of employers and associations offer some fOI'm of domestic pat'tner benefits to their employees or members. As another fon11 of recognition, the Human Rights Campaign Fund (1012 14th Street, N.W., Washington, D.C. 20005) has begun a National Family Registry. While such a registr ation has no legal status, it does I"ecognize lesbian/gay families in a formal mannel: and provides data for education and lobbying cfforts on behalf of lesbian/gay families. Advances continue in this new realm of domestic partnerships. More cities are considering or enacting legislation and other jurisdictions are reexamining their current status. Local voters are deciding the fate of some cities' domestic partnet' ordinances. Having a consistent method of recognizing "'alternative families" across the country will be a slow, uphilJ battle. However, it may be the only way to obtain equitable economic and legal rights for all persons.~ Donna Jones is the co-chair ofthe Reconciling Congregation Task Force and member ofDlUnbarton UMC in Washington, DC. 17 Sustaining The Spirit There are many possibilitiesfor adapting both traditional and nontraditional rituals for use in holy unions or celebrations ofcommitment. Here we present We take the vow of fidelity, which to us means to speak the truth with love, to share life openly, to stay close to a variety ofelements which have been used in different liturgies. Also note the Resources sectionfor other ideasfor rituals. Planning a ceremony should be fun and can be a very meaningful experience ofthinking, hoping, dreaming, and even prayingfor the present and thefuture. Remember that this is a celebration! Greeting One: God has called us together here today All: As a community of family and friends-and friends who are family. One: This is an occasion of joyous community. All: Our purpose is to recognize, celebrate, and bless the working of the Holy Spirit in the lives of ___ and as they share publicly a covenant conunitment, one to the other. One: For what has heen All: We give thanks. One: For these two people All: We thank God. One: And for the possibilities that God offers All: We wait expectantly-and with joy! A Pledge reality. We take the vow of risk, to be vulnerable to a love that risks what we are for the sake of what we can become. We vow to talk, even when it is easier not to, to keep sending messages, to listen, knowing we are committed to the path, even when we do not know the way. We vow to walk in empathy and compassion. We vow to try together, to pledge this as a year of union, one ever renewable, season after season. We vow to grow together always, honoring our history, no matter what form our relationship takes. .... We vow to release the need to manufacture hardship. We vow to be happy, not to forget who we are and who we want to be. We vow to laugh in joy and in our folly. We vow to celebrate our sensuality. We vow not only to share our joys and successes, but to accept each other's mood swings, sorrows, and failures. In this, we vow to love the universe which feeds us. We vow to appoint one another the guardian and greeter of each other's times of solitude. We vow to let that which is different between us exist and be itself. With these vows, may you trust one another, trust life and not be afraid. Remember to be one another's best friend. (adapted from The Lesbian Love Advisor: The Sweet and Savory Arts of Lesbian Courtship by Celeste West.) Open Hands • 18 Response to the Word Blessed are those who are convinced of their basic dependency on God, whose lives are emptied of all that doesn't matter, those for whom the riches of the world just aren't that important. The Reign ofHeaven is theirs. Blessed are those who know that all they are is gift from God, and so they can be content with their greatness and their smallness, knowing themselves and being true to themselves. For they shall have the earth for their heritage. Blessed are those who wear compassion like a garment, those who have learned how to find themselves by losing themselves in another's sorrow. For they shall receive comfort. Blessed are those who are hungry for goodness, those who never get enough of God and truth and righteousness. For they shall be satisfzed. Blessed are the merciful, those who remember how much Blessing by the Community The union of and has called us together because it touches each one ofus. A new family is established in our midst and we all celebrate that relationship. By God)sgrace) we who are family andfriends of and offer our blessing and commit ourselves to love and support them as they grow in this Christian union. A Benediction Now let the great powers that are in you radiating from the center of your selves has been forgiven them, and are able to extend this forgiveness into the lives of others. expressing the greatness of divinity of what For they shall receive God's mercy. you are Blessed are those whose hearts aloe free and simple, those dance in the rhythm between you who have smashed all false images and are seeking honestly for truth. of divine-human power For they shall see God. and create beauty Blessed are the creators of peace, those who build roads that unite rather than walls that divide, those who bless the to enrich your lives world with the healing power of their presence. For they shall be called children ofGod. and enrich the life of this community Blessed are those whose love has been tried, like gold, in the and enrich the whole of life. furnace and found to be precious, genuine, and lasting, those who have lived their belief out loud, no matter what the cost or pain. For theirs is the Realm ofHeaven. (from Seasons ofthe Heart, Macrina Wiederkehr, OSB) Fall 1990 19 Resources LESBIAN/GAY RELATIONSHIPS Athey, Phyllis Jean Kinheart and Mary Jo Kinheart Osterman. The Lesbian Relationship Handbook. Evanston, Ill.: Kinheart, Inc., 1984. Berzon, Betty. Pennanent Partners. New York: Plume Books, 1988. Clunist, D. Merilee and G. Dorsey Green. Lesbian Couples. Seattle, Wash.: Seal Press, 1988. Isensen, Rik. Love Between MenEnhancing Intimacy and Keeping Your Relationship Alive. Prentiss Hall Press, 1990. Marcus, Eric. The Male Couple's Guide to Living Together. New York: Harper & Row, 1988. Tessina, Tina. Gay Relationships. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1989. West, Celeste. A Lesbian Love Advisor: The Sweet and Savory Arts of Lesbian Courtship. San Francisco, The Cleis Press, 1989. All ofthese books give helpful advice for keeping and enjoying relationships. They include advice on courting, communication,family relationships, financial planning, and sex. Some include examples of liturgies or hints for planning a commitment service. LITURGIES &UNIONS Board of Church and Society. Christian Social Action. October 1990 (special issue on holy unions.) 100 Maryland Avenue, N.E., Washington, D.C. 20002. • Butler, Becky. Ceremonies of the Heart-Celebrating Lesbian Unions. Seattle, Wash.: The Seal Press, 1990. • Uhrig, Rev. Larry J. The Two of Us. Boston: Alyson Publication, Inc., 1984. • Unitarian Universalist Association, Office for Lesbian and Gay Concerns. A Planning Guide for Same-sex Services of Union. $3.00. Order from UUA, 25 Beacon Street, Boston, MA 02108. 6171742-2100. Williams, Robert. ""Toward a Theology for Lesbian and Gay Marriage." The Anglican Theological Review. vol. LXXII, no. 2, Spring 1990. Women's Ordination Conference. Liberating Liturgies, A Collection of Women's Litw·gical Celebrations. 1981. Order from P.O. Box 2693, Fairfax Circle Center, 9653 Lee Highway, Fairfax, VA 22031. The special issue of Christian Social Action explores issues regarding • holy unions from a mainline church • perspective. Uhrig talks about relationships and commitment service planningfrom his experience as an MCC pastor. Liberating Lituq,'ies • provides liturgies ofall kinds, especially designed for women. Butler brings us the stories ofseveral lesbian couples and their unions and includes some oftheir liturgies. The UUA guide practically discusses pre• paringfor a service, gives 9 sample services, and a partnership contract. Williams provides some theological basis for lesbian/gay marriage in the Anglican tradition. LEGAL ISSUES AND DOMESTIC PARTNERSHIP Curry, Hayden and Denis Clifford. A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples. Berkeley, Calif.: Nolo Press Self-help Law, 1989. Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund. Domestic Partnership Issues and Legislation. 1990. 666 Broadway, New York, NY 10012. Curry and Clifford present the legal issues facing gay and lesbian couples in a concise, easy to understandformat and give many examples ofsimple legal documents that can be utilized. Lambda's resource is a wealth ofinformation as ofJuly, 1990, and includes copies ofordinances passed in many ofthe cities. OTHER RESOURCES The Lesbian and Gay National Family Registry, Human Rights Campaign Fund, 1012 14th Street, NW, 6th Floor, Washington, DC 20002. Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, Inc., 666 Broadway, New York, NY, 10012. • 20 Open Hands Letters A Biblical Stumbling Block? Through the past few years, I have found Open Hands both helpful and informative. Especially, I have appreciated the sharing that many have done regarding their lives and the obstacles and transitions which have marked their passage in life. They are brave and commendable people! I have come upon the homolhetero debate late, and have stumbled along, wrestling with various past and present experiences. I began, frightened of homosexuality, then realized that homolheterosexuality is more an appearance of chance than anything else: like being born male or female.... For me, logic and scientific evaluation had eliminated any reason to separate homosexuals from heterosexuals in human society. [But] I was still stumbling over theological and biblical issues. Biblically, a distinct line is drawn, homosexuals were out, heterosexuals were in. The biblical exegesis of the pro-homosexuals is unconvincing at best, misleading at worst. One author, arguing on some other subject, suggested, "ignore the biblical passages that are obstacles, just as we have always done." He held a lot of wisdom in this suggestion. Through the centuries we have dropped, ignored and otherwise abrogated passages that have been obstacles. A classic example is the fourth commandment. Recently, I had a ""break-through" of my own. Writing an apology for my position, suppol·tive of homosexu.. als, in referring to the biblical passages condemning (at least in modern interpretation) homosexuality, I suggested that the authors wrote from their understanding, they did not know that at least ten percent of humanity is homosexual, that it is an orientation of the person and not a chosen manner of life. Mter I wrote that, I began to think of many passages in the Bible, which reflected the author's understanding, which we no longer understand in that manner. The Fall 1990 three-tiered universe of the early books of the Bible, the lesser position of women in society, etc., have given way to our present understanding of creation, sexuality, and human society. These writers, like ourselves, spoke from their understanding of the world as we do today. The key lies in their experience of God which redirected their lives. References to the world in which they lived which sometimes differs from our understanding does not change their witness. The biblical and theological obstacles, for me, were removed. I have been shal'ing my journey with fellow ministers, and thought maybe you would find it useful for Open Hands. Rev. Robert Simison Wiehita, Kansas Seminarian Connections I am writing as a UM repl'esentative of a b'TOUP at Union Theological Seminary (NY) working for changes in denominational policies regarding the ordination of lesbians and gay men. This group is based on the assertion that we, as seminarians, have an important voice in our churches, being the future of the church in America. Given Union's reputation as the liberal seminary of all liberal seminaries, we recognize that our voice alone can easily be dismissed as a minority voice coming out of a radical school. For this reason, we are concentrating our efforts this year toward reaching other schools and organizations. What I ask for, first and foremost, is your support.. .. Fighting the system, as you are no doubt aware, can be a daunting task, and solidarity is important. Your prayers and simply your verbal recognition of our efforts would be incredibly meaningful to us hf're. But on a mOl'e concrete level, we need contacts. We are working...on building contacts with other seminaries as well as with denominational and ecumenical organizations concerned with this issue. While personal contacts at other seminaries are helpful, they are by no means exhaustive. If you have information, therefore, about gay and lesbian groups at other seminaries or about any other groups working for gay and lesbian ordination, we would love to know how to get in contact with them. I understand that contacts of this nature can be extremely sensitive, particularly in the case of a denomination that does not ordain "practicing" homosexuals. Bearing that in mind, I can only assure you that we will do our best to maintain the privacy of our contacts and trust your judgement regarding the people to whom you refer us. James Wyatt 600 W. 122nd Street, #603 New York, NY 10027 [Editors' note: A conferencefor gay, lesbian, and bisexual seminarians is plannedfor February 15-17, 1991 at Episcopal Divinity School in Cambridge, Massachusetts. For information, contact Michael Musolf, 99 Brattle Street, Box 30, Cambridge, MA 02138.J Open Hands in Prison I have appreciated receiving Open Hands during the past year and wish to continue receiving it. However, I am incarcerated and have limited funds. I am enclosing as check for $10 in hopes that you will find that sufficient to continue me as a subscriber. I share my copies with several other men and we have used them as a resource for a monthly gathering of gay men for Bible study and support. Thanks for your resources and support. Michael R. Miller Avenel, New Jersey Your comments about Open Hands and thoughts you wish to share with other readers are most welcome. Send your letter to: Open Hands, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, D.C. 20026. 21 Rep Report New Reconciling UMC Commission The General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns passed a resolution at its October meeting declaring itself to be a "Reconciling Commission." This is the first time an official UMC national body has proclaimed its "openness to the full participation of all people, including lesbians and gay men, in its life and work." One of the commission members, Rev. Patricia Farris, attended the February 1990 convocation of Reconciling Congregations. Her passionate report to the commission's April meeting resulted in a growing sentiment that the 40-member commission become "reconciling." A committee was appointed at that mC'l~ting to draft a statement that would c1eclare the commission's intent without conflicting with the UMC law which bans funding national agencies which "promote the acceptance of homosexuality. " The resolution "On Becoming a Reconciling Commission" was adopted with 2 abstentions and no negative votes. The text of the resolution is printed on page 24 below. NINETY-TWO IN:9~ The Board of Directors of the RCP has launched an evangelism campaign-92 in '92-which intends to double the number of Reconciling Congregations from the current 46 in the next two years. The campaign builds upon what is already happening in the RC movement across the country. Several Reconciling Congregations are already reaching out to other prospec• 22 tive RCs in their communities. Because of the widespread media attention related to "holy unions" and Reconciling Conferences this spring and summer, the number of inquiries to the national office has increased dramatically. "We are launching a major evangelism campaign," said Rev. Kim Alice Smith, chair of the Board and pastor of Bethany UMC in San Francisco. "We think it is critical that other congregations hear the stories of new life and revitalization in Reconciling Congregations and that these congregations be invited to join our growing movement." As a first step in this campaign, information about prospective Res is being gathered from friends around the country. These prospective RCs will then be linked up with either a nearby RC or an "RC Evangelist" to provide ongoing nurture and cultivation of the RCP in that congregation. Ifyou have information on a prospective RC or are intet"ested in being an "RC Evangelist," contact the national RCP office. St. Francis in the Foothills Named as UMC "Vital Congregation" St. Francis in the Foothills UMC , a Reconciling Congregation in Tucson, Arizona, has been named one of the UMC's "Vital Congregations." St. Francis is one of only five UMC congregations across the country to receive such recognition as part of the Council of Bishops Initiative, "Vital Congregations = Faithful Disciples. " St. Francis and the other Vital Congregations were honored at "The Gathering," an international event which drew thousands of United Methodists to Fort Worth at the end of October. This event also featured the premiere showing of a videotape about St. Francis and the other Vital Congregations. St. Francis was chosen from a large pool of congregations that were nominated by their bishops. Final selection was made by the staff of the General Board of Discipleship. Congratulations to the congregation of St. Francis in the Foothills on this honor and for its forthright witness to its ministry with lesbians and gay men. United Church of Canada Affirms Ordination Policy The General Council of the United Church of Canada voted to reaffirm its policy that all members, "regardless of sexual orientation," are eligible to be ordained as clergy. This policy was first adopted by the General Council in 1988. Opponents of the policy, led by a group called the Community of Concern, subsequently mounted efforts to have it rescinded at the next meeting of the General Council which was in August, 1990. However, the policy was strongly reaffirmed with the support of 80% of the commissioners voting. Mfirm, the lesbian/gay organization in the United Church, called on the denomination to move forward in implementing this policy. "Because of the controversial nature of the original report, the church has been reluctant to act on it," stated Bill Siksay, Mfirm spokesperson. "'Now with this clear vote of reaffirmation we call upon the "lmited Chlll"ch to take action on the ordination of qualified lesbians and gay men." The United Church of Canada, with two million members, is the largest Protestant denomination in Canada. It is also the largest Christian church to adopt an official policy allowing the ordination of lesbians and gay men. Open Hands Does Cokesbury Exclude Gay/ Lesbian Books? Allegations that Cokesbury, the official UMC book distributor, excludes books by lesbian/gay Christian authors have been made by Chris Glaser, Presbyterian gay writer. According to a story in More Light Update (the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian/Gay Concerns), Glaser anticipated that his book Come Home, recently published by Harper & Row, would be listed in the Cokesbury catalog. However, the book was not included in the catalog and Harper & Row's efforts to get an explanation were not satisfied by Cokesbury, according to Glaser. In a letter to More Light Update, Cokesbury spokesperson, Marc Lewis, writes that Glaser's book, Come Home, was omitted from the Good Books Catalog, ""due to lack of demand." However, he also indicates that Glaser's forthcoming book, Coming Out to God, will be listed in the Spring 1991 catalog. Regarding Cokesbury policy, Lewis writes that Glaser's book ""clearly advocates a lifestyle that is contrary to the Discipline of the United Methodist Church. Books on controversial subjects are, however, always considered for presentation to our market." Lewis was unavailable for r:omment in response to Open Hands ' calls requesting a clarification of Cokesbury policy and why the Good Books Catalog has generally not listed books by lesbian/gay authors. Cokesbury is the largest distributor of religious books within the UMC and other mainline Protestant denominations. Books are chosen for its Good Books Catalog by a national advisory group. Cokesbury stores actually carry a much wider selection of books, with local store managers determining additional books to supplement those in the catalog. Therefore, some Cokesbury stores do carry books by John Boswell, Virginia Mollenkott, Carter Heyward, Malcolm Boyd, and other well-known lesbian/gay Christian writers. Fall 1990 "Reconciling" Program Leaders in Different Denominations Meet A first-tilne gathering of leaders of the lesbian/gay-affirming local church programs in five denominations took place October 26-28, 1990, in Chicago. The meeting involved leaders of the More Light (Presbyterian, U.S.A.), Open and Mfirming (United Church of Christ), Reconciling Congregation (United Methodist), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming Congregation (Unitarian-Universalist) programs. Together these programs represent 200 congregations that have made public statements that they welcome lesbians and gay men. The meeting was intended to allow the different program leaders to learn more about what was happening in other denominations and to talk about opportunities for cooperative efforts. Several areas for cooperation and mutual support were identified: -continuecl promotion and utilization of each other's resources; -development of a joint bibliography and other print and video educational resources; -designation of a nationwide interdenominational ""Reconciling Day of Worship" in 1992; -a future national assembly of all local churches that officially welcome lesbians and gay men. A significant topic of discussion during the weekc~nd was the possibility of collaboration in the publication of Open Hands. The four mainline Protestant programs were very interested in the idea of making this magazine an interdenominational venture. A proposal is being prepared for discussion and review by the various programs in the coming months. All nine persons present agreed that the weekend was inspiring and informative and decided to meet again in November, 1991. UMC Study Committee Completes Listening Posts The UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality recently completed a series of ""listening posts," or field hearings around the country. These six gatherings were intended to allow UM individuals and congregations to give input to committee members as they begin to prepare their report for the 1992 General Conference. The number of persons who testified at these hearings ranged from 25 at one to 48 at another, totalling over 200 persons. Unofficial reports indicate that the percentage of the testimony that affirmed full participation of lesbians and gay men in the church ranged from 95% in the Northeast to 70% in the South Central and Southeastern jurisdictions. The listening posts revealed the faithful witness of Reconciling Congregations on issues related to lesbians and gay men. Members of at least 19 different RCs testified at listening posts around the country. The full study committee received reports from the various listening posts during its November 1990 meeting. First drafts of its report were reviewed at that time. The committee's intention is to report to the general church the points of agreement and disagreement on homosexuality that members have found in the areas of theology, biblical studies, ethics, and science. Furthermore, it will suggest what the church can responsibly teach about homosexuality and the implications of its study for the policies of the denomination. The committee will meet again January 31 to February 3, 1991, to continue its writing and will present its final report to the General Council on Ministries at a September 12-15, 1991, meeting in Dayton, Ohio. Results of Survey of Lesbian/Gay Couples Partners, a national newsletter for gay & lt~sbian couples, has released the results of its national surve)' of 1,266 lesbian and gay couples. This survey, conducted from 1988-89, is one of the largest surveys of its kind. The survey, which is cited in the article on page 4 above, can be helpful in many educational settings and provides information about lesbians and gay men that dispels many myths and stereotypes. A copy of the survey and full n~port can be obtained for $3.95, from Partners, P.O. Box 9685, Seattle, Washington 98109. 23 Reconciling Congregations ARIZONA Tucson St. Francis in the Foothils CALIFORNIA Albany Albany UMC Berkeley Trinity UMC Fresno WesleyUMC Los Angeles United University Wilshire UMC Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC San Francisco Bethany UMC Calvary UMC Hamilton UMC Trinity UMC Santa Monica Church in Ocean Park Vacaville St. Paul's UMC West HoUywood Crescent Heights UMC COLORADO Denver St. Paul's UMC DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington Christ UMC Dumbarton UMC GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albany Park UMC Irving Park UMC United Church of Rogers Park DeKalb University UMC Evanston Hemenway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC KANSAS Mission ecumenikos LOUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC MARYLAND Baltimore S1. John's UMC MINNESOTA Minneapolis Prospect Park UMC Walker Community UMC Wesley UMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC NEW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC New York Metropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC OHIO Toledo Central UMC OREGON Estacada Estacada UMC Portland Mctanoia Peace Community PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC Fi.'st UMC of Ge.'mantown TENNESSEE Nashville Edgehill UMC WASHINGTON Seattle Capitol Hill UMC Wallingford UMC WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC RECONCILING CONFERENCES California-Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy RECONCILING COMMISSION General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns RECONCILING ORGANIZATION Methodist Fede.'ation for Social Action On Becoming A Reconciling Commission The General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns October 16, 1990 RESOLUTION Whereas, the purpose of the General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns is "to advocate and work towards the full reception of the gift of Christian unity in every aspect of the Church's life and to foster approaches to ministry and mission which more fully reflect the oneness of Christ's Church in the human community" (par, 2002, 1988 Book of Discipline); and Whereas, the Constitution of the United Methodist Church sets forth as our position on ecumenical relations, that "The United Methodist Church believes that the Lord of the Church is calling Christians everywhere to strive toward unity, and therefore it will seek, and work for, unity at all levels of church life"," (par, 5, 1988 Book ofDiscipline); and Whereas, the General Confer~nce in 1988 adopted the Consultation on Church Union Consensus, recognizing the apostolic understanding that baptism with water effects or signifies the union of the one baptized with Christ, and in Christ with all members of his body, and thus is our basic bond of unity; and Whereas, on the basis of our unity in Baptism, The United Methodist Church has committed itself "to be in ministry for and with all persons" (Par, 7lF, 1988 Book ofDiscipline); and Whereas, the Consultation on Church Union Consensus ~ets forth our conviction that members of the Church fail as Christ's amhassadors in reconciling the world to God if we have not heen reconciled to one another; and Whereas, baptized members of the United Methodist Church who are gay men and lesbians are often denied full inclusion in the life of the church; and Whereas, some United Methodist congregations, as a visible sign of the unity God has given, have become Reconciling Congregations to declare their inclusion of gay men and lesbians as full participants in the life of their congregations; and Whereas, the General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns recognizes the action of these congregations as expt'essive of our purpose within the United Methodist Church and its ecumenical relations; and Whereas, becoming a Reconciling Commission will affirm that humanity dividing issues will not be allowed to be church dividing issues; and Whereas, the General Commission on Christian Unity and IntelTeligious Concerns has the ecumenical responsibility to work for unity in the church and renewal of the wholeness in creation (Eph, 1:10), Therefore be it resolved: That, acknowledging that we as members of the General Commission on Christian Unity and IntelTeligious Concerns hold diverse opinions regarding homosexuality and the Christian faith, and recognizing our own need for learning and growth, we affirm that through Baptism God has made us members of one Body in Christ and this is our hasic bond of unity; and That, the General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns proclaims itself to be a Reconeiling Commission, dedicated to openness to the full participation of all people, including gay men and leshians, in its life and work; and encourages respect, dialogue, witness, learning, and growth in mutual compassion toward that unity, 24 Open Hands Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 6 No 2 - Confronted By Love: The "Holy Union" Controversy https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/f5a6a219c3d931306a9f1f5abb27ea07.pdf e497425ccba3f504dd534f1749cbce9a Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 6 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 3 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1991 Publication Date The date the issue was published Winter Text Any textual data included in the document "Is your heart true to my heart as mine . ? If·zs to yours. . . . It zs, gzve me your hand. " 2 Kings 10:15 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 6 No.3 Winter 1991 ne w Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc., as a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Each issue of Open Hands focuses on a particular area of concern related to gay men and lesbians within the Church. The Reconciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. In this network, Reconciling Congregations fmd strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations, along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Mfirming (United Church of ChristlDisciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist) congregations, offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the Reconciling Congregation Program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Information about the program and these resources can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men Vol. 6 No.3 ----------------~---The Starting Point I Affirnung dolescence ................................ 4 John Hannay Rainbow's End: Creating a af la Janie Spahr Cultural Expectations and Experience: Thr Mrican American...................................................................... . Stefan Wade Native American.......................................................................... 8 Stephen E. Watt Asian American............................................ '.' ............................. 9 Bertie Mo Listening to youth........................................................................... 11 Since When Is Discrimination OK? ........................................... 12 Carrie Thompson A Conversation at School.. ......................................................... 12 Abigail Peterson Sunflowers in a Rose Garden..................................................... 13 LAB, Jr. Families with Lesbian/Gay Parents................................................ 14 James Fagelson Beyond Dichotomies....................................................................... 15 Ann Thompson Cook Surrounded by Silence: Youth in Exile ........................................ 18 Jack Harrison Walking Alongside youth............................................................... 21 Melany Burrill Resources......................................................................................... 17 RCP Report..................................................................................... 23 Letters.. ............................................................................................ 24 Cover Photo © 1988 Doug Hinckle, The Washington Blade. 2 Open Hands Youth and Sexual Identity: New Vistas Within the past few years, the gayllesbian community as well as those who are concerned about youth have begun to turn attention to young people who are either identifying or behaving in ways that suggest the labels of gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Recognizing these youthtechnically, sexual minority youth---()pens a whole new set of vistas and poses a number of challenges. Sexual minority youth challenge those of us in the gayllesbian community, because we tend to think of ourselves solely in adult terms. They challenge the church and society at large because we prefer not to think of youth as sexual beings. They even challenge those who accept adolescent sexuality but assume that young people are, by nature, heterosexual. Being a young person in today's world is tough. Being a sexual minority youth is frequently tougher. Because of societal denial, they have few support systems. Remarkably, a large number of them grow up to be happy and healthy in spite of it all. Yet many don't make it-or make it with deep scars that take years to heal. Gay and bisexual males under age 24 are the most at-risk group of youth for HIV infection today-two to three times as high as any other subset of adolescents. Sexual minority youth are two to three times as likely to commit suicide as their heterosexual peers. A 1989 report by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services hypothesized that as many as 30 percent of completed teen suicides may be related to confusion or isolation arising from sexual orientation. Anecdotal reports from youth-serving agencies around the United States (particularly those serving youth on the streets) suggest that sexual minority youth experience much higher incidents of drug and alcohol addiction or abuse, homelessness, family neglect and abuse, and harassment and violence. In this issue of Open Hands, we share positive stories about how people of faith are helping gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth grow up. We also examine sexual identity issues that arise in families with lesbian and gay adults and youth. By including voices of young people and adults who have confronted and worked through these issues, the articles presented here strive both to examine some distinctly cultural issues and to analyze the way churches have contributed to the problems and the solutions. We often hear the trite (and offensive) assertion that youth are our future. The reality is that young people-including sexual minority youth-are part of our present. Together with their heterosexual peers, they want to be positive partners with adults in shaping a world of justice, peace, prosperity, and reconciliation... Next Issues Theme: Toward a Lesbian/Gay Theology Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors Bradley Rymph Ann Thompson Cook This Issue's Coordinators Ann Thompson Cook John Hannay Editorial Assistants Van Dixon Donna Jones Graphic Design Supon Design Group Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters to the editors, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1991 by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. Member, The Associated Qmrch Press ISSN 0888-8833 inter 1991 3 The Starting Point Is Affirming Adolescence by John Hannay A topic that generates much enthusiasm but little activity within churches is ministry with youth. Too often churches with thriving ministries have strong religious education programs for young children~ adult ministries of wide variety~ but scanty or weak offerings for those in-between-teenagers. When asked to rate the importance of youth ministries~ most congregants rate it as highly important~ although not an activity in which they are willing to become involved. This ambivalence regarding youth ministry reflects a general ambivalence toward teenagers within our larger culture. Their period of life is very much a mystery to most of us~ and we~re not really sure we like them. Teens exhibit a wide variety of emotions and behaviors~ sometimes without apparent rhyme or reason. Such misunderstanding and confusion surrounding adolescence also contribute powerfully to fears and anxieties about adolescent sexuality. Shifting Understandings ofAdolescence Like it or not~ those of us concerned about adolescents are having to come to terms with the reality that adolescents exist~ in part~ as sexual beings. In some urban areas~ for example~ one out of four teens have had sexual intercourse by age 15. (In rural~ suburban~ and urban areas~ 60 to 90 percent of high school students have had sexual intercourse at least monthly by the time they graduate.) Teenagers account for a high number of unplanned pregnancies~ and one out of five adults with AIDS probably became infected via sexual activity while an adolescent.1 Nevertheless~ the idea of adolescent sexuality is relatively new in Western thought and culture. Only recently have concepts of human growth and development begun to define adolescence as a stage of life. Until the latter part of the 19th century~ neither social~ economic~ nor public health systems allowed for adolescent sexuality. Children were children until the onset of puberty~ usually age 14 or 15~ when they began to take on the physical aspects of adulthood-the ability to reproduce and nurture children~ appearance of facial and body hair~ enlargement of skeleton and musculature necessary to carry out survival tasks~ and so on. Once the process of puberty was complete~ usually within a year or two~ they became adults-marrying~ raising children~ and/or entering the work force. With the social and economic changes brought on by the industrial revolution and extended schooling~ a period of life began to evolve in which one was no longer a child~ yet not given the full opportunities and responsibilities of adulthood. Added to this have been recent advances in nutrition~ reduction in child mortality~ and lower ages for the onset of puberty (currently beginning as young as age 10 in girls and 11 in boys). Whereas the period associated with adolescence was once brief and coincided with physical development~ it is now lengthy (as long as 12 years) and out of synch with physical maturation. Thus~ we now have a group of people who are physically out of childhood~ capable of reproducing~ and experiencing a full range of sexual feelings. Yet they are not considered to possess the intellectual and psychological skills to manage adulthood and adult sexuality-nor are they given appropriate guidance in developing these skills. Denial: The Prevailing Ethic We all have had the tendency to deny that adolescents are sexual beings. We insist~ instead~ that they deny their sexual needs and feelings until they are adults and heterosexually married-at which point~ it is assumed~ they will suddenly possess all the skills successfully to manage the sexual aspect of a committed relationship. Besides the heterosexism of such an ethic~ it hardly facilitates young people~ s overall health and development. Many human development experts now believe that~ in the long run~ affirmation and careful teaching of adolescent sexuality would be more beneficial and productive than the present ethic. As things stand now~ society's denial of adolescent sexuality leads to a lot of casual, furtive~ unplanned~ and careless sexual activity among teenagers. In recent group discussions conducted by adolescent health researchers~ many young people have expressed awareness of sexual health fI£ K£EP~ SA7'/~ WI-IOEVE..R THEY ARE, THAT fJR£h:.HE/? SuRE. THAT GoD Dof3-S 1i1 j)o£5IJ'T LIKE LIKE 771E.fv/ £/TH£ I? HOM05E.X()/1L S ... 4 Open Hands threats and a desire to avoid them. They want accurate, forthright, and honest information on human sexuality and sexual health. Yet they consistently voice fears that they will be punished and/or ridiculed by adults when they request help regarding sex. They do not feel that they have a right to ask for information and devices (such as condoms) that will help them stay healthy while expressing their sexuality in positive ways. These feelings of isolation and repression are compounded for sexual minority youth, who also risk drastic changes in their peer relationships, discrimination in their communities and school, and breakdown within their family structures, ifand when their sexual orientation becomes known. The need to rethink approaches to adolescent sexuality poses a big dilemma for Christian churches. Not only do most of our rituals and ethical systems reflect a child/adult dichotomy. Even more powerful is the denial and lack of affirmation for any sexuality that exists outside of heterosexual marriage. Besides closing off opportunities within the Church to examine and shape a healthy adolescent sexuality, such an approach prevents society from dealing with the public health aspects and consequences of adolescent sexual activity. This must stop. We will never successfully handle the problems of teenage pregnancy, escalating sexually transmitted disease rates, and adolescent HIV/AIDS infection, among other public health challenges, until we have in place a new ethic of adolescent sexuality. (Moreover, I suspect, the institutional church will not be able to stem its severe membership loss among young people until it has adopted an approach that affirms adolescent sexuality.) Affirmative Sexuality: A More Helpful Ethic What would a new approach of affirmation and careful teaching look like? First, the new approach must involve families. Parents and/or other significant relatives/adults are among children's most powerful teachers, both for sexual information and behaviors. To do their job well, families must be given information, tools, and skills in which positive communication and guidance about sexuality can occur. Second, the affirming approach must start early. This is not to say that we should offer children in pre-school settings explicit sexual information. But education about sexuality and about their bodies can progress in age-appropriate ways, and the sooner that starts, the better. Fortunately, many schools, churches, and community groups have experience in sex education with younger children. We need to ~~~~ /!:JUT MY .5uNlJAY SCHOO L TE.ACHE.i<. SAYS -nlAT GO{) LOVE ~TIlE LI7TL.£. CHILDREN! . ~\- L build on and enhance the quality of what has already been accomplished here. Third, an affirming approach educates youth in the context of overall personal development, recognizing that sexual needs and feelings occur interactively with other needs and feelings. Such an approach seeks to build a positive sexual self-image as it builds overall self-image. It teaches sexuality in the context of human relationships, rather than particular kinds of genital activities. An affirming approach does not ask young people to deny or hate a part of themselves, nor indoctrinate youth to "just say no." Rather, it encourages youth to reflect consistently on ··what do I know?" Fourth, an affirming approach teaches and challenges youth to be personally and socially responsible. It educates young people fully and honestly about the wide diversity of human sexuality and the consequences of particular behaviors. Rather than withholding information-fearing that ··if we tell them, they will do ie'-an affirming approach gives young people tools and skills to act responsibly. It advocates setting appropriate limits to avoid certain unwanted consequences-and discusses those limits with youth. Finally, an affirming approach to adolescent sexuality celebrates, as other cultures do, the specialness of adolescence as a time of life. Although adolescence is fraught with tensions and awkward moments, it is also a time when one becomes more aware of oneself as a unique creation-of one's ability to form meaningful relationships outside the family and to make meaningful contributions to society. Discovering this and working it out to fit one's values and needs involves a lot of trial and error. An affirming approach to adolescent sexuality expects and supports this experimentation and uses it as a basis for growth. Only in the context of an affirming approach to adolescent sexuality in general can churches begin to work more specifically with gay, lesbian, and bisexual youth. This is because a minority sexual identity is such an important part of these youths' overall identity, and because they face a great deal of negativity in society at large. Sexual minority youth cannot (and, by and large, will refuse to) be helped by institutions that reflect sex-negative or sex-ambivalent attitudes. These youth need to feel safe and unconditionally accepted before they will engage in ministry with any community of faith. The challenge for churches, then, is to move beyond views of sexuality that intentionally or unintentionally foster homophobia and heterosexism. My own understanding of God leads me to believe that, while they may not always like it, churches will eventually examine their approaches and respond to these young people. The day will come when sexual minority youth, as well as their heterosexual peers, will be helped to grow, to develop, and to integrate their sexuality and their spirituality into a positive, overall selfimage..... Note 1. u.s. Centers for Disease Control, Morbidity and Mortality Weekly Report, January 4, 1991. John Hannay is coordinatorfor Outreach to Sexual Minority Youth for the Maryland Department ofHealth and Mental Hygiene. He holds a master oftheological studies from Wesley Theological Seminary. inter 1991 5 by Janie Spahr Rainbow~s End--a program of, by~ andfor young peopleemergedfrom a group ofpeople coming together with a common need and a common goal. Here is our story: I n the spring of 1984, a young person named Marla called the Volunteer Center in Marin County, . California, asking ifshe could volunteer at a lesbian! gay-identified agency. She said she was exploring her own sexuality and wanted to meet gay and lesbian people. Marla arrived soon thereafter at the Ministry of Light, a lesbian! gay outreach ministry of the Presbyterian Church (USA) in northern California. That same spring, as part of our annual presbytery report, Phyllis, an elder at a local church, spoke these powerful words: IfI told you my daughter was in prison~ you would offer to visit her with me. IfI told you my daughter was on drugs or alcohol~ you would be with me in her recovery. Why is it that when I tell you my daughter is a lesbian~ you give me stone silence? During the break, a woman with tears in her eyes came over to talk with me. "Janie," she said, "I have been an elder in my church for almost 30 years, and I have never attended a Presbytery meeting until today. Now I know why I'm here. I have a wonderful daughter, raised up in our church, who hasn't been back to church since she was a teenager. She is lesbian and works with youth in San Francisco. We are so proud of her and I have never told anyone in my church." We cried together. A few weeks later, I met with that daughter, Chris Van Stone, who was doing her social work internship at Larkin Street Center with street youth in downtown San Francisco. Chris could hardly believe that the Presbyterian Church was involved in a ministry with gay and lesbian people. Chris and I talked about her desire to begin a youth group with lesbian and gay youth. She told me that after a local radio station had inadvertently advertised Larkin Street Center as working specifically with gay and lesbian youth, they had been inundated with calls from youth throughout the city who felt isolated, who needed support and someone to talk to. Some who had called were close to suicide. Next, Chris and I met with a small group oflesbian and gay people in our community, including Marla, who felt strongly that, with Chris's help, the Ministry of Light should begin a gayllesbian youth project in Marin County. We began by conducting a needs assessment, a poll of teachers, counselors, pastors, priests, rabbis, and community agencies. As we suspected, the need was there. To spread word of our new program, one of our organizers wrote an article for a local newspaper about growing up gay in our county, Rainbow~s End: Creating a Safe Place ee and Marla began talking to friends in her school who were lesbian or gay. In late summer, some 20 youth gathered with the organizers. The youth began holding weekly meetings at a local church. Marla held orientation sessions for newcomers, stressing the importance of confidentiality to the success of the group. We adults began a newsletter for the group, while two youth, Bonnie and Jeff, met with a facilitator to write a statement of our mission and purpose, which the group used to begin the process of saying who we were and why we were here. Over the next three years, the youth, aged 14 to 21, grew to support and care for each other and began taking on leadership positions. Marla wrote the newsletter, and several of the youth facilitated the "youth topic" for particular meetings. We invited gay/lesbian leaders in our community to come and share their expertise-from writing to parenting. Marla's and Bonnie's mothers became very supportive of our group and served as a resource for parents who needed another parent to talk to. When two of our youth moved to Seattle, one wrote the words to a song called "Rainbow's End" and put it on our wall as she was leaving. The group then named themselves Rainbow's End. By the fall of 1988, several high schools in the Bay Area had heard about Rainbow's End. When teachers called asking us to speak, Guy, Marla, and Bonnie began our speakers bureau, and others have joined since. There is nothing like youth hearing and meeting lesbian!gaylbisexual youth. (You will notice that I have added "bisexual," since some bisexual youth have join~d our group, educating us and helping us to become more inclusive.) One ofthe joys I experience at Rainbow~s End is being a public speaker. Going to high schools and speaking about being a gay young man is exhilarating and informative. I get to learn where my peers are in dealing with their own prejudices~ and they get 6 Open Hands e e e to learn what it is like to be on the other end ofthose prejudices. Also, I get the opportunity to say to other gay youth that they are not alone and that there is somewhere they can go. In February 1989, Rainbow's End received the Pioneer Award from an organization called Speaking Out for their courage in speaking to high school students. Marla was asked to receive the award on behalf of the group. There wasn't a dry eye in the place. Since several of our youth demonstrated such good leadership ability, we adults began to discuss inviting them to take on the role of facilitator. This was timely, as one of our facilitators was soon to leave. Not sure what to expect, we moved forward with the plan, and on July 1, 1990, Chris became our youth supervisor, while Danielle and Steve, both 20 years old, became youth facilitators. The arrangement worked great! Here is Steve describing his experience: At the age of18, I knew I was gay. I'd been out of the closet for four years and had accepted my homosexuality, but something was missing. I came to Rainbow's End and learned that I could be proud of who I was. Now, two years later, Rainbow's end has become an important part ofmy life.... It is a great joy to see my peers come infrightened, lonely, and confused, and leave knowing that they do infact have an opportunity to lead normal, healthy lives as lesbian and gay people. And Danielle: After attending Rainbow's Endfor well over a year, I realize just how much I have grown and accomplished since the first group that I attended. I went from insecurity and shame, but coming to group and talking to other youth has brought me to a level ofConfident and Proud Lesbian. But what is also important to me is being shown that I am loved and repected by my peers-maybe not because ofmy sexuality, but because ofmy personality and views.... If you want to really know what Rainbow's End means to me, think ofyourfavoritefriends and/orfamily members and how special and giving they are--and the love youfeel toward them and the love you get from them--and then you'll know how I feel about Rainbow's End. The love, support, and care we have seen in the last six years has been astounding. When youth go on to school or work, or move away, we get post cards, notes, calls, and even visits-just to let us know how they are. Dear Chris ... I would like to thank youfor being a positive lesbian presence in my life at a time when I really needed one. Just getting to know you helped me out. Chris Van Stone has worked with the youth consis tently for six years. Chris left her own church at the age of 15 because she felt different. Now she has made it possible for youth at that very same age to find support and love-a place that is safe. These are Chris's words: My memories ofattending our church youth group are still very vivid. I can remember my mother insisting that I go no matter how much I complained. She had no idea how "different" Ifelt. As a young person, I needed to hear that myfeelings were okay, that my church would accept me, God would accept me, and that being a lesbian was something I couldfeel good about. Instead I heard nothing. Because I heard nothing, I felt alone. Remembering this time in my life helps me remain committed to insuring that young people have the opportunity to share, socialize, and receive supportfrom lesbian, gay, and bisexual people andfrom heterosexuals who are not afraid to talk aboutfeeling "different. " Rainbow's End has been part ofa healing process not onlyfor many young people, butfor myselfas well. Maybe someday young people won't need separate groups to express themselves openly and honestly, without sacrificing acceptance. By the way, at Rainbow's End we say that we don't care what your sexual orientation is. We want you to feel safe here and to like who you are. Weare here to help you be yourself.T Since 1982, Rev. Jane Adams Spahr has been executive director ofthe Ministry ofLight, a nonjudgmental outreach ministry withgayllesbian people, their families andfriends in northern California. inter 1991 7 Cultural Expectations an Mrican American by Stefan Wade African Americans enter adolescence well acquainted with feelings of being different. Since early childhood, they have faced the racism ofAmerican society, sometimes blatant, but more often subtle and institutionalized. Simply to survive in the predominant culture, these young people have learned to manage their feelings, often relying on the support of parents, siblings, extended family members, and the church. By the time young people begin to develop their sexual identity and recognize that their orientation is quite different from most of those who surround them, they have already developed skills to help them cope with being different. To their benefit, these youth usually enter this period with great coping ability, having already dealt with a lifetime of adversity. The Family The family plays a critical role in the development of the Mrican-American individual-not only the nuclear family but also the extended family, including aunts, uncles, grandparents, and even neighbors and family friends. Often such people are called upon for financial aid, child care, advice, and emotional support. Sometimes extended family members reside in the same home or neighborhood, and their opinions may be critical. Sometimes an Mrican-American lesbian or gay young person lives with a relative, and while the parents may have little to do with his or her care and may not object to the individual's sexual orientation, the primary caretaker may take issue with the young person's feelings, identity, or behavior. The Church For many Mrican-American young people, the church exerts a strong psychological, sociopolitical, and sociological influence. Historically, religion has played a role in sustaining Mrican-Americans in adverse social circumstances and has been a rallying point for societal change. Once Mrican-American youth identify and acknowledge their sexual orientation, they frequently experience either a loss of two major supports, family and church, or find themselves surrounded by conflict that can have extreme consequences for their development. Sexual minority youth often feel a strong sense of loneliness and isolation. Unable to feel part of the social mainstream due to their ethnic and cultural background, and now threatened with alienation from the important social supports that have sustained them through their developmental years, these young people struggle to cope with the upheaval in their lives and to create new structures to support their continued development. The LesbianJGay Corrununity One support strategy involves integration into the lesbian/gay community. Once again, however, racism becomes a critical area of conflict for Mrican-American lesbian and gay youth. They are initially attracted by the possibility of membership in a group and the support the group provides, but they eventually learn that, even as group members, they will continue to be victims of racism and discrimination. In Sister Outsider, Audre Lorde describes the challenge of having several oppressed identities, of "constantly being encouraged to pluck out some one aspect of [your]self and present this as the meaningful whole, eclipsing or denying the other parts of self." For Mrican-American lesbians, she explains, it is often difficult or impossible to find a community that offers full acceptance. Lesbianism is largely considered incompatible with the role expectations of women in the Mrican-American community. At the same time, lesbian-supportive communities and social groups often marginalize their Mrican-American members and do not provide the level of affirmation that other members receive. Clearly, sexual minority youth face great challenges in integrating two central identities that can be highly charged in our society: being an Mrican-American and being gay or lesbian. Native American by Stephen E. Watt Prior to European contact, many Native American tribes placed no special emphasis on sexual identity. A child was allowed to freely embody sexual desires and feelings for either sex, while homosexual persons were considered an integral and necessary part of the community. The Ojibwa name for a homosexual person was "special," and in many tribes a homosexual person had special roles in religious or healing ceremonies. It was believed that a person with same-sex desires contained spiritual elements of both male and female. Today, by contrast, the Native American population in the United States (over 1.5 million) adheres to the European models of male and female roles. In many native cultures, 8 Open Hands Experience: Three Views this change resulted from early European contact and the efforts of missionaries to educate the ""savages" in European thought and traditions. The early missionaries also abolished ceremonies that involved homosexual acts, as among the Hopi, and taught the native people that homosexual acts are an abomination in the eyes of God. In the current attitude of the native population toward homosexuality, machismo has brutally replaced compassion. Many sexual minority youth in native populations today face the dual problems of rural reservation life and a lack of compassion toward their sexual identity. As in today's majority culture, these native youth quietly suffer humiliation and sometimes violence from their peers. Frequently, there is no one for them to turn to for help or guidance. Positive local resources for gay and lesbian native youth are extremely rare, and no nationally organized Native American groups specifically help native sexual minority youth. Although there are no statistics regarding homosexuality in Native American cultures today, it is widely believed that bisexuality is more common than exclusive homosexuality. Only recently, with the appearance of AIDS within the native population, have Native Americans begun to address the issue once again. The AIDS pandemic has alerted reservation communities to the need for open adult discussions about sex, the need for sex education, and the need for compassion toward sexual minority youth in the population. Native Americans must remember the love and kindness toward homosexual people that were once a part of their culture as they work to recognize and address the needs of today's lesbian and gay youth. Asian American by Bertie Mo In Asianl homelands, particularly among peasants and the working class, sexuality and procreation are an integral part of life. In the United States, however, the Christian church-including the church in Asian-American communities-has displayed extreme insensitivity to issues of sexuality. In general, the church discourages individuals from discussing any issues of potential conflict, including lifestyle differences and experiences of pain and oppression. Likewise, it has not dealt effectively with the loneliness, pain, and confusion of youth who are concerned and/or confused about their sexual identity. Asian-American youth in the church carry a double b u ..den in their perception of what God (as reflected by the church) expects from them and what their parents and culture expect. In traditional Asian society, individualism in most instances is not tolerated (except perhaps among the rich) and is thought to endanger the entire community. Interdependence within the community is considered to be integral to the survival of society. Children's main purposes in life are to marry, to have children to carryon the family name, and to support and care for parents in their old age. Any diversion from this standard not only jeopardizes the adult child's standing in the community but also casts aspersions on the character of the family and suggests its inability to raise a child properly. From the church hierarchy, Asian-American youth receive the message that they need to lead ""good," ""clean" lives. Translated, this means sexless. Woe to the child or adolescent who is involved in homosexual behavior, which is stigmatized by both society and the church. As the church moves out into the world as an advocate for those have not been accepted-including people of color, refugees, the homeless, those who have been abused, people with HIV disease-it must also help youths who are struggling with their sexual identities to feel that they are accepted just as they are. Only when the church provides warm, caring people who can listen to what young people are going through will it truly minister to all people.~ Note 1. Asian/Pacific Islanders in the United States are a diverse cultural group comprised of at least 32 different language and ethnic/racial groups, within each of which are found differences based on nativity and generation in the United States. This commentary focuses on the groups that have been heavily influenced by Confucian philosophy: Chinese, Korean, and Japanese. Stefan Wade is past president ofthe Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League in Washington, D.C. He has several years' experience working in mental health settings with children, youth, andfamilies. He is currently working toward a Ph.D. in social work at the University ofMaryland. Stephen Watt, a Seneca with experience in Native American advocacy and AIDS in the native population, currently works for a national organization concerned with education. Bertie Mo, a native San Franciscan, grew up in a Presbyterian Church in Chinatown. She now holds advanced degrees in medical anthropology and public health education and cofounded the Bay Area's Pacifu; AIDS Coalition. Winter 1991 9 Upper portion ofposter used with permission ofthe Wingspan Ministry ofSt. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church, 100 N. Oxford St., St. Paul, MN 55104. Open Hands 10 LISTENING TO YOUTH As part of a recent "Coming Out Workshop" for a multicultural gathering of youth (ages 15 to 21) at the Sexual Minority Youth Assistance League in Washington, D.C., I asked the youth to pair off and interview each other, . using the following questions: 1. Please name one person you're considering coming out to. 2. Do you depend on this person for anything (shelter, food, job, money, other)? 3. Name three things that might happen if you do come out to this person. 4. Name three things that are likely to happen if you don't come out to this person. 5. What signals has this person given you about how shelhe might react? More than half of the group named mother or father. Following is a sampling of their responses (responses grouped together were made by the same person). THINGS THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF I DO COME OUT TO MY MOTHER/FATHER She'll try to talk me out of being gay. She'll think of it as a choice. She'll think of it! She won't give ash.. ! I'll be evicted. I'll lose contact with my family. I'll send them to an early grave. Shocked. Disappointed. May want me to move out. She'll be concerned for my well-being. She'll be confused. She'll be understanding and loving. Ok. AIready knew. Might want to meet Mario. Still love me but not accept me being gay. Try to convert me to being "straight." They gonna be sad and cry. They don't gonna talk to me. End of the world. -Ann Thompson Cook THINGS THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IF I DON'T COME OUT TO MY MOTHER/FATHER The subject will come up anyway. I'll feel like isolation is taking place. It will create a barrier that would block future conversation. Nada. He'll find out anyway. Personal duress. More lying. Depression. More distrust. Friction. Confusion. Guilt of lying. Hide entire life. No understanding. Will have expectations that I can't fulfill. I'll feel guilty for lying. There will be an outward or superficial peace (no confrontation). They really won't know who I am. 'inter 1991 II ---~ -~- - ~~-- --~------- ~~~--~~~~~~~----------------------~------ SINCE WHEN Is DISCRIMINATION OK? by Carrie Thompson A CONVERSATION AT SCHOOL by AbigailPeterson-Finch Discrimination is Gretchen: "So what kind of church do yo~ go to, Abigail?" aUowed. It is acceptable. TAbigail: "I go to Dumbarton United Methodist and we're o anyone reading this, a reconciling congregathose statements are tion." ridiculous. Yet almost G: "Huh?" everyday at school, 1 hear A: "It means we accept gaysderogatory remarks aimed at a and lesbians in our faithcertain minority. Not words community. 1 like it, it's like nigger, chink, and spicopen to everybody, really they are never heard, and inclusive. " indeed should never be heard, Marcia: ""Yeah, 1 think that'sanywhere. But almost a good idea." everyday, 1 hear the word A: ""And I've been to a holy faggot. union. It's like a weddingDiscrimination against for gays and lesbians. Thishomosexuals is rampant at this and other schools. The oppression can be blatant: once 1 heard a student proudly announce how disgusting gays are. Or it can be subtle: the upper school library has only seven books on homosexuality in the card catalog, compared to hundreds on other minority groups. We all want to feel supported and accepted, yet there is little or no information or support for the homosexual students. Almost everyday, if you notice, you hear of some form of discrimination. Just recently a friend of my family suffered it, 1 am ashamed to say, within the Quaker community. Quakerism is built on the belief that there is that of God in everyone. Quakers, and those of us at this Friends school, should be among the pioneers in ending any discrimination. Yet, for some reason unknown to me, we allow it to continue. The reasons given to justify the discrimination are based on myth. People think that homosexuals are all child molesters or psychopathic weirdos. Studies and reports on the subject say the opposite. They are just people. Their sexual orientation is as natural to them as heterosexuality is to others. It's just like our having no control over our skin color. We must learn to judge not by sexual orientation, but by the person inside. When you say "faggot," or do something degrading or hurtful to homosexuals, it hurts and offends me, my family, my friends, my beliefs, my country, and yourself. It is a matter of logic, a matter of morals, a matter of heart. Discrimination cannot, must not, be tolerated.• Carrie Thompson (age 16) is a junior at Sidwell Friends Upper School, Washington, D.C. This article was adaptedfrom her letter to the editor ofthe school newspaper. one was for two women." G: ""I don't know. That sounds a little too weird for me." A: ""Oh, it wasn't that different from a heterosexual wedding. In fact, 1 liked it a lot better than some of the other weddings I've been to. They wrote their own vows and some of the other parts. It was really neat." M:""I don't know, Abigail. Not that 1hold anything against gay people, but it sure sounds weird." A: ""No more weird than the next person, if you make an effort to get to know them better." I 'm really proud of what my church has done, and it has taken a lot to get to where we are. 1 tell my friends about my church and its positions. A lot of kids don't know enough about homosexuals to not like them. 1 want my friends to understand. 1 wish they all had accepting churches and communities that educate kids about some of these fundamental questions in life.• Abigail Peterson-Finch (age 14) is a freshman at Richard Montgomery High School in Rockville, Maryland. This article reflects a conversation she had with other students in her band class. 12 Open Hands SUNFLOWERS IN A ROSE GARDEN byLAB,Jr. Do you ever stop to wonder the make-up of the soil? .. What causes the Earth to yield its majestic beauty Eons of sand., minerals., and rock; nourishing the fruit that sustain our world"s inhabitants'. But are the seeds that feed the masses planted by the knowledged tillers of the plains? Or do the winds of the gods spray these pollens of diverse foliage. Should we stop and wonder why some seeds flourish in the most unlikely conditions., Or do we just accept that they do., that their existence is just and right. If we acknowledge the beauty that blooms before our eyes., do we pluck it from existence because it is not what we expect? We should nourish the sunflower in the rose garden., for it possesses its own beauty. I t has arisen despite the odds ... and who are we not to accept its presence. The sunflower is a new beginning., the hope of things to come; an asset ... not an annoyance., to the splendor that once reined supreme. LAB, Jr., is a student at Howard University in Washington, D.C. 'inter 1991 13 • Families with Lesbian/Gay Parents ,. !ly JamesFagels~n As my daughter was talking with one of her friends the other day, she mentioned that her stepfather . was taking her shopping. ""Oh," her friend replied, ""I didn't know your mother had remarried." ""She hasn't," came the answer, ""my father has." The friend replied, ""Okay," and the conversation continued. The number of children who have gayllesbian parents has been estimated by several sources at 6 to 10 million. Although the exact number remains unknown because such parents are often closeted, the number is significant and must be acknowledged. Family Structure Lesbian/gay families are structured in a variety of ways: • Two-adult families, in which both adults act as the parent, share the parent role, and expect the child to respond to each as the parent (for example, when children were adopted by the couple or conceived through alternative fertilization). • Two-adult families, in which one adult is dominant and the other acts as a ""co-parent" (for example, when the children are from a previo~s family unit of one of the adults). • Single-parent families with adopted, foster, or birth children. • Joint parenting by a gayllesbian person and an exspouse, usually of children who are the product of a heterosexual marriage. • Extended families, consisting of one dominant parent and unrelated friends who care for each other and are responsible for each other. Such families share the same joys, sorrows, and adventures as other families. On the other hand, certain issues emerge that must be addressed to mainJain a stable and nurturing family environment: the process of ""coming out" to friends, discussion of family business (who does the child tell and how m~ch), dealing with schools and teachers, and handling negative social influences. Coming Out Coming out-that is, recognizing, acting upon, and accepting one's homosexuality-usually carries with it some apprehension. When lesbian/gay people come out, they often risk losing a friend, job, love of family, and, in the case of parents, their relationship with their children. Less well known is the extent to which children of gay and lesbian parents also go through a comIng-out process. In coming out, young people acknowledge that they are ""different" from their friends, risk exposing family members to ridicule, risk losing the friend they tell, and/or risk subjecting themselves to ridicule or ostracism from their peer group (which can be particularly devastating for teens). One of the parents in our group was troubled that her daughter was ""going overboard" in her use of cosmetics. The bathroom looked amd smelled like a cosmetics store. Finally, the mother confronted the daughter. ""Why all the perfumes and make-up? You are prettier when you use less." The daughter responded that she wanted to make sure her friends knew she wasn't a lesbian, because ""everyone knows lesbians don't wear make-up." Clearly, our families struggle with society's myths and stereotypes. What the parent and child tell the outside world about the family depends on many factors: the openness of the gay and lesbian community, the degree of homophobia in the larger community, the amount of support available to both the parent and the child, and whether the parent is closeted. Should the neighbors be told? Should the minister/ rabbi be told? Should the grandparents be told? Careful consideration should be given to these questions prior to discussing them with the teen. Frank discussions with teenagers (1) allow teens to express their ideas about how their friends would react, and (2) reveal any confusion or homophobia. The School Although much has been written about gay and lesbian individuals and parents, many schools and religious institutions continue to express ignorance and suspicion based on erroneous stereotypes. For example, parentteacher meetings often exclude co-parents, thus restricting their full participation in the child's education. When schools request, at the beginning of each year, a list of responsible adults who may interact with the child in the school setting, it is helpful to list both the parent and coparent and to encourage both to participate. A key person in the school is often the counselor who, if familiar with gay and lesbian families, can help the children of such families in dealing with their peers and dispelling discrimination within the educational system. Support Organizations Lesbian/gay parents have now established an international network of support groups that allow them openly to discuss their problems, fears, and joys-the Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition International (GLPCI). Some GLPCI chapters have established TRUST groups (Teens Relating in Unique Situations Together) to help youths cope with their family situation. Discussions focus on ways teens can handle peer pressures, sexuality concerns, and school stresses. Nevertheless, despite-perhaps because of-the many challenges our youth face, they are likely to develop real strength of character. Through their family experience, they learn that aU people deserve the basic right to be who they are and that discrimination based on myths and stereotyping causes pain and suffering. They learn to accept the diversity within individuals and to judge people by their actions and not by such artificial criteria as race, religion, or sexual orientation..... James Fagelson, Jather oJtwo teenage daughters, belongs to the Gay and Lesbian Parents Coalition oJMetropolitan Washington, D.C., whose "'JRmbers collaborated on this article. 14 Open Hands •• •• • ••••••••••••••••• • • • • • Beyond Dichotomies • • • by Ann Thompson Cook • Once there was a teenage boy who believed that he was sexually attracted to lawn mowers. He frequently had an erection when mowing the lawn, and one day he had an orgasm. What do you think? Was he sexually attracted to lawn mowers? Or was he simply in that pubescent state of ever-readiness and responding pleasantly to intense vibration? What is sexual attraction after all? Or sexual orientation? As an educator, I too often find my language slipping into easy dichotomies, speaking and writing as though people were either lesbian/gay or not. Sometimes I throw in the word bisexual, but rarely with explanation. I know, however, that my own sexuality is much more complex than that, and research suggests that most people are like me: omewhere in between the extremes. I am not discounting that some people are unalterably heterosexual and others totally and completely homosexual. Hundreds of people have told me (and I fully believe them) that they knew with certainty at a very early age that they were attracted to people of the same gender, whether or not they could name that attraction. On the other hand, many people experience a sufficient response to both females and males to make them wonder about themselves. Yet they have few accepting, nonjudgmental words to describe their experience. What else, besides gender, might define sexual orientation? Recently I was attending a national convention with a gay colleague, and although we are both in our mid-40s and in longstanding, committed relationships, we enjoy sharing our experience of who looks "good" to us. So I was not surprised when he told me with a big grin that I just had to see this cute guy at the reservation desk. When I went to look, I saw a young, preppy fellow, clean-shaven, every hair on his head in place, dressed in tailored clothes with a discreet splash of color, standing very tall. He was beautiful, and definitely my friend's "type," but not mine at all. The men I point out to my friend tend to have more hair, often have beards, and are neatly but comfortably attired in fairly casual clothes (the kind one might wear on a hike in the woods). I've noticed that the women I look at twice are either lean and "bony-jawed" (to use Holly Near's expression) or athletically compact. These and many other characteristics enter into our individual "lovemaps," a term coined by sexologist John Money, who believes that lovemaps are not present at birth but develop, like a native language, within the first few years: "[Your lovemap] depicts your idealized lover and what, as a pair, you do together.... A lovemap exists in 'Winter 1991 15 mental imagery first, in dreams and fantasies, and then may be translated into action with a partner or partners.m Note that Money is not limiting his definition to sexual behavior. Sexual orientations-Iovemaps-include dreams and fantasies that mayor may not materialize. What would you think about sharing such ideas with children and youth? Why does it make so many people uneasy? Why is it important? I believe such sharing is important because it helps us reframe the discussion-to take a closer look at and appreciate sexual diversity, and to distinguish between feelings and behavior. Returning to my colleague's and my playful comparisons, the fact is that I was reporting only feelings, not behavior; neither of us involved the attractive others in our ""game." Ifwe had, our behavior could be considered objectionable harassment. When I described being attracted to certain types of people, I was saying nothing about what I would do about those attractions, how I would behave, or how I should behave (all legitimate and important questions). In our game, my colleague and I enjoyed feelings that we had no wish or expectation of acting upon. Sharing a broad view of sexuality with adolescents, then, could enable us and them to move beyond labels and to grapple instead with the really tough questions, especially the ones about right and wrong. Take date rape, for example, a major problem that is only now beginning to receive the attention it deserves. Researchers report that many young people feel that date rape is perfectly justified in some situations. For example, they tend to agree that if a girl ""leads a boy on," she has no right to say no to intercourse, and he has every right to ""finish" what they had ""started." This point of view, of course, assumes that aroused feelings must be acted on, carried to their ""logical conclusion." Yet, upon reflection, most teens can acknowledge that they often experience aroused feelings toward people (movie stars, for example) with whom they have no hope, intention, or possibility of behaving sexually. And once they put that myth aside-that sexual feelings automatically lead to sexual behavior-teens are usually able seriously to address the larger issues. They can consider, for example, the importance of staying in touch with what is right or wrong for oneself at any given moment; the difference between sexual and violent behavior; one's right to stop (and role in stopping) unwanted behavior; and relationship issues including respect, power, sexism, rights, and exploitation. You will notice that, although the date rape example was stated in a heterosexual context, the personal and relationship issues transcend the gender of the partners. As a power play-an act of violence-I consider date rape wrong, whether in same-sex or other-sex relationships. A similar confusion of feelings and behavior is reflected in a question teachers often ask me: ""How can I communicate to my students that I accept homosexual people, that they shouldn't be discriminated against ... but still let students know that it's wrong?" What exactly is ""wrong"? Are my (or your)feelings of attraction to individual men or women wrong? Was the teenage boy wrong to become turned on by a lawn mower? Of course not. Our sexual responses are not always consciously determined. Our behavior, on the other hand, is a matter of choice. The decision of whether, when, how, and with whom to express our loving feelings can be very complex. What, then, are the important values we want young people to consider-values that will guide them in making such complex decisions? To address that question, we must learn to distinguish between feelings and behavior and acknowledge that the dilemmas are the same for all of us: • What is it that makes me (or anyone) a person of worth? • How does my own unique sexuality inform the decisions I make? The way I live my life? • In an important relationship, what will guide me in balancing my needs and wishes with my partner's? • What does it mean to make a commitment to someone I love? What should slhe expect of me? What can I expect ofhimlher? When we (adults and youth together) begin to grapple seriously with questions like these, we may begin to make a difference in whether we can sustain the intimate, long-term relationships we long for-whatever our sexual orientation.... Note 1. J. Money, Lovemaps: Clinical Concepts ofSexualJErotic Health and Pathology, Paraphilia, and Gender Transposition in Childhood, Adolescence, and Maturity (New York: Irvington P,ublishers, Inc., 1986). Ann Thompson Cook is founding director ofINSITE, a consortium ofmental health professionals and sexuality educators offering training and consultation to help schools and youth agencies become hospitable and safe for sexual diversity. 16 Open Hands Resources BOOKS Cohen, Susan and Daniel. When Someone You Know Is Gay. New York: M. Evans, 1989. Written for teens in a down-to-earth, friendly style with compassion and wit. Herdt, Gilbert, ed. Gay and Lesbian Youth. New York: Harrington Park Press, 1989. Compilation of articles originally printed in the Journal of Homosexuality. Heron, Ann, ed. One Teenager in Ten: Writings by Gay and Lesbian Youth. Boston: Alyson, 1983. Essays and poems written by gay and lesbian youth in the early 1980s; particularly helpful for young people exploring a potential lesbian/ gay identity. Schneider, M. Often Invisible: Counseling Gay and Lesbian Youth. Toronto: Central Toronto Youth Services, 1988. Overview of adolescent homosexuality and specific guidelines for counselors on handling sexual identity issues with young people. Westheimer, Ruth, and Lieberman, Louis. Sex and Morality: Who Is Teaching Our Sex Standards? San Diego: Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1988. Clarifies how young people develop an understanding of sexual right and wrong. Whitlock, Kay, for the American Friends Service Committee. Bridges of Respect: Creating Support for Lesbian and Gay Youth. Philadelphia: AFSC, 1988. Provides concise overviews of several aspects of growing up lesbian or gay in a homophobic culture, suggests antidotes, and lists numerous organizational, print, and audiovisual resources. ARTICLES AND PAMPHLETS Bodde, Tineke. Why Is My Child Gay? Federation of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, P.O. " -inter 1991 Box 27605, Washington, DC 20038. Provides verbatim responses of top sexology researchers to questions about the origins of homosexuality. • Dennis, D., and Harlow, R. "Gay Youth and the Right to Education." Yale Law and Policy Review 4 (1986):446-78. Recommends rationale for ~nd strategies to gain equal educati(mal opportunities for lesbian/gay youth. • Gonsiorek, J. "Mental Health Issues of Gay and Lesbian Adolescents." Journal ofAdolescent Health Care 9 (1988):114-22. • Hannay, J.; Weiss, L.; and Langguth, P. Sexual Minority Youth Suicide Risks and Prevention. Youth Suicide Prevention Program, Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene, 201 W. Preston St., 4th floor, Baltimore, MD 21201. · VIDEOS • AIDS, Not Us. Staten Island, N.Y.: HIV Center for Clinical Studies, 1990. 45 mins. Portrays the impact of the HIV epidemic within a gang of young men in New York City. : Growing Up Gay. Toronto City TV, 1985.60 mins. Documentary on the lives of lesbian and gay youth, with several moving accounts of conflicts and reconciliations within families. • On Being Gay. Boston: TRB Productions, 1988. 80 mins. Noted author and lecturer Brian McNaught talks about growing up gay, gives factual information, and discusses issues for gay/lesbian Christians. • Sticks, Stones, and Stereotypes. Boston: Equity Institute, 1989. 20 mins. Interviews with youth and roleplays demonstrating development and human relations issues experienced by sexual minority youth. Presented simultaneously in English and Spanish. NATIONAL ORGANIZATIONS Campaign to End Homophobia. P.O. Box 819, Cambridge, MA 02139. Publishes resources including a training manual for introductory workshops and brochures for youth. Center for Population Options. 1025 Vermont Ave. NW, Suite 210, Washington, DC 20005. Collects data on HIV infection and sexually transmitted disease among youth; has resources on adolescent sexuality and health education among youth. Hetrick Martin Institute for the Protection of Lesbian and Gay Youth. 401 West St., New York, NY 10014. Has printed educational materials on sexual identity issues suitable for youth; provides technical assistance and training to organizations interested in starting community-based gay and lesbian youth programs. Human Rights Campaign Fund. 1012 14th St. NW, Washington, DC 20005. Coordinates advocacy/ lobbying efforts on behalf of lesbian and gay youth issues with Congress. INSITE. 9504 Crosby Rd., Silver Spring, MD 20910. Offers training and consultation to schools and youth agencies "to promote positive sexual identities for all youth." National Lesbian and Gay Health Foundation. 1638 R St. NW, Washington, DC 20009. Sponsors an annual one-day institute on gay and lesbian youth issues. National Minority AIDS Council. 300 1St. NE, Washington, DC 20002. Has information, resources, and program models for lesbian/gay youth of color. National Network of Runaway Youth Services. 1400 1St. NW, Suite 330, Washington, DC 20005. Acts as a data collection point and information clearinghouse on research related to sexual minority youth. 17 Surrounded by Silence: by lack Harrison As one who has worked with youth in the context of the church, I write these words out of (1) a great rage created by the silence of the church toward lesbian and gay youth; (2) a profound guilt rooted in my participation in a system which continues to oppress and use these young people; and (3) my own inability to speak or act in the face of that oppression. We adults-gayllesbian and others-have a great deal to answer for when it comes to our dealings with and our mentoring of those gay and lesbian youth who are in our midst. Gay and lesbian youth live in the context of the larger youth culture. They share its music, its language, its appearance. But most of all, they share a process of self discovery--especially the discovery of themselves as sexual beings and as beings in relationship. For all youth in our society, these are fearful times. While their experienced reality often contains messages that sex is fun and enjoyable, they also receive a powerful message from many adults within the society: that sex is dirty, not to be spoken about, even condemned by God. This mixed message characterizes youthful confusion and creates the furtiveness which defines much adolescent sexual discovery. A world emerges where adults are not allowed, for as one youth explained, "Most adults have lost their sense of mischief and adventure ... so they usually don't approve of most things."1 In short, because of a need to be accepted by adults while maintaining their own culture, youth erect boundaries defining who is allowed in and what behavior is acceptable-boundaries that mirror the larger culture in being profoundly heterosexual. This compulsory heterosexuality is supported and enforced-often unwittingly-by adults: When you get married... When youfind a nice boy or girl... Why aren't you dating someone now? I have watched the faces of gay and lesbian youth when adults in the church say these things, never even thinking that there might be gay and lesbian youth present. It is as though the youths' very • Youth In , Xl e existence has been denied and negated; they are defenseless. Having little encouragement or experience in speaking about sexual identity, they wait for those of us whom they know and respect to challenge these assumptions and model a more inclusive response. What they usually hear instead is our silence. Their faces inevitably seem to say, Will I ever be understood? Will anyone ever care to know the real me? Gay and lesbian youth, then, fmd themselves in the midst of their own self discovery in a culture that demands heterosexuality and exacts a great price for those who do not fit the mold-the price being, too often, social isolation, poor self-esteem, family break-up, substance abuse. An Ovenvhelming Silence No one dares to speak of these youth in public settings. Schools teach of Walt Whitman, Michelangelo, W.H. Auden . .. but nowhere do the textbooks mention the fact that these great artists were gay. Reading the Dialogues of Plato, we find some of the most homoerotic literature written. The recent controversial art work by Robert Mapplethorpe pales by comparison! Rock stars, movie stars, athletes, and others become idols for young people, yet those who are gay dare not speak of it for fear of losing their careers and fame. In the church-notwithstanding what appears to be a disproportionate number of gay and lesbian persons in leadership positions-pastors and youth ministers and others rarely create a space where youth can speak freely and safely of their own sexual discovery. Nor do schools, community centers, and other sources of support for youth offer information or support. Loneliness and Isolation Added to the silence, and often resulting from it, are loneliness and isolation. Like most persons, gay and lesbian youth believe they have never met or known another gay or lesbian person, and they cannot think of any counselor, family member, minister, or friend with whom they might safely share their feelings. 18 Open Hands As lesbian and gay youth become more Jware of their feelings and of their unacceptability to the larger society, they become less willing to disclose these feelings to anyone. Their questions ring in my ears: Where are the other persons who are like me? One young person wrote, It was a real revelation to discover that aU gay people were not hanging out in the rest rooms at the bus station or in the bookstores or in the parks, because that was what I thought myfuture looked like. Tofindjust one or two persons who were lawyers or doctors or in the church gave me hopefor myfuture. The fear of disclosure and rejection often affects how gay and lesbian youth relate to their families. They believe they will bring shame to their parents and ultimately be rejected, particularly those reared in a family that holds traditional Christian understandings of homosexuality. For these reasons, youth often pull away from their families, creating an even deeper sense of loneliness and isolation. Unlike their heterosexual peers, gay and lesbian youth are denied the opportunity to express affection or explore relationships in safe ways such as flirting, dating, or even holding hands. Most communities offer nQ opportunities to meet other gay or lesbian youth and to practice the social skills necessary to form lasting and loving relationships with others. Most sit in silence and desperation, denied their history, often cut off from their culture-while many gay and lesbian adults protect their status in sdbiety by being silent. It was this very tension that led to my decision to leave the church-based job that required me to be closeted in public settings. I believe these youth, and their literal or spiritual deaths by the hundreds, pose the greatest challenge to those who argue that one's sexuality is private and one's decision to remain in the closet is purely personal. Whether we like it or not, the decision to make a change on this issue is always political and communal in nature, and it can greatly benefit these youth. Winter 1991 Harassment and Discrimination In their book, After the BaU, Marshall Kirk and Hunter Madsen point out the inaccuracy of the term homophobia. They argue that while it may be comforting to think that heterosexual persons fear gay and lesbian persons, the reality is more simple. Rather, through teachings and actions, heterosexuals as a culture hate homosexuals.2 It is this insidious hatred, not fear, that gay and lesbian youth live with and confront every day of their lives. In 1984, in Maine a young man was attacked and drowned by teenagers who believed he was gay. Theologian Carter Heyward called attention to the Church's unmistakable role in the incident: Charlie Howard was not thrown offthe bridge in Bangor simply because he happened to be an "effeminate" individual who had the misfortune ofrunning into some particularly homophobic boys. Charlie Howard was killed because aU-American kids are taught by church, synagogue, and state to fear and hatefags.3 Unfortunately, lesbian and gay youth learn early---'--from other~se well-meaning people of faith-to abhor what "Oscar Wilde called ""the love that dare not speak its name," even when that love is felt within oneself. Then the voice"s started, first from this corner, thenfrom that,from overhead, thenfrom below. Wicked. Wicked. Abomination. Man lover! Child molester! Sissy! Greyboy! Old men, little girls, widows and workers, he saw no faces, knew no names, but the voices, the voices ... Unclean bastard! Be ashamed ofyourself! Filthy knob polisher!... 19 Homo-suck-shual! and lesbian youth clearly represent a culture in exile. As Ashamed. Be ashamed. pastoral persons, we have been graced with the opportunity Faggot! to incarnate the faithful and loving God to these youth and Sonofa __ empower them in their struggle for liberation. He burst through thefront door and they were there, all ofthem, laughing, hooting and pointing.4 At school, at church, in social settings, youth use with impunity words they learned from us-words likefag, dyke, queer (to name only a few). Many adults stand idly by and never challenge that language. In fact, they often laugh along with it. The silence, the lack of challenge, encourage homo-hatred, which often leads to violence and, in the case of Charlie Howard and others, death. Depression and Suicide It is hardly surprising, given the reality that gay and lesbian youth face daily, that many of them experience feelings of depression. As the Seattle Commission on Children and Youth reported after holding hearings on the experiences of lesbian and gay youth, Young people hear many negative messages about homosexuality ... oftenfrom parents and other trusted members ofthe community ... and often [they] accept these messages as true, [seeing] them as real descriptions ofwho they are or will become. The result is a sense ofshame, guilt, rejection, and diminished self-esteem. 5 Tragically, far too many see suicide as a path out of their anguish. In a 1986 report on suicide among gay and lesbian youth presented to the National Institute of Mental Health, Paul Gibson found that most lesbian and gay suicide attempts occur before age 20 -that gay youth are two to three times more likely to attempt suicide than are other youths. He also hypothesized that as many as 30 percent of all completed teen suicides in the United States may involve sexual identity confusion or anxiety as a contributing factor. Have we in churches examined this aspect of the teen suicide problem? Are we prepared for its implications? The ChaUenge for Pastoral Care No image resonates more clearly with the Christian tradition than that of a community in exile awaiting liberation through the power of a gentle and just God-and gay Here are my specific recommendations for the church and for those within the church who work with youth: • Promote a safe and loving environment for gay and lesbian youth by clearly defIning that homo-hatred in language and actions is not acceptable in the Christian community. • Advocate and support the development of social and health services to meet the special needs of gay and lesbian youth-including, ifnecessary, providing funding and facilities for such services. • Provide training for church staff and members on issues facing gay and lesbian youth and their families, on their special service needs, and on effective ways to meet those needs. • Provide accurate, objective, and relevant information about sexual orientation in curriculum, preaching, teaching, and all other settings where people gather in the church. Finally, and perhaps most important, I believe that lesbian and gay adults simply have to become more visible and available to these youth as models. For too long, unhealthy behavior, secrets, lies, and closetedness have been modeled to gay youth. This must stop! An elderly Black man, speaking of his bold and visible work in the civil rights movement, describes his own intentions: I knew I was going to lose a lot. I also knew that I would not live long enough to see the changes come. I did what I didfor those young persons coming behind me. The conspiracy ofsilence and lies had to be broken somewhere. Gay and lesbian persons in the church-including the many gay and lesbian pastors, teachers, youth workers, and members in all churches--carry the same responsibility: to place a higher value on the lives of these youths than on their own status and acceptability. The church's responsibility, in turn, is to encourage, support, and protect lesbian and gay members in their efforts to provide effective and healthy models to our gay and lesbian youth.• Notes 1. Glenbard East Echo, Voices ofYouth (New York: Adama Books, 1988). 2. Marshall Kirk and Hunter Madsen, After the Ball: How America Will Conquer Its Fear and Hatred ofGays in the 90s (New York: New American Library, 1990). 3. Carter Heyward, Touching Our Strength (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1989), p. 51. 4. Randall Kenan, A Visitation ofSpirits (New York: Grove Press, 1989). 5. Seattle Commission on Children and Youth, Report on Gay and Lesbian Youth in Seattle, 1988, p. 7. Formerly executive director ofthe United Methodist National Youth Ministry Organization, lack Harrison is a law student at the University ofCincinnati Law School and serves as a consultant on issues related to youth. 20 Open Hands WallringAlongside Youth by Melany Burrill A IDS, teenage pregnancy, children becoming parents, sexually transmitted diseases, sex used to sell everything from cars to toothpaste, gay bashing, gayllesbian teen suicide rates-all these are disturbing realities. As Christians, what responsibilities and/or opportunities do we have to equip young people to live in this world? How do youth view their faith, and how is it related to their sexuality? Are we willing to walk alongside them as they grow in faith as sexual persons? As we consider these questions, we need to examine how and where spirituality and sexuality interface for teens and what can be done to encourage growth of a more healthy interrelationship between the two. Youth View Spirituality A beginning point might be to ask, "What is spirituality and how is it viewed by youth?" Spirituality is an "in" word in church jargon these days. To me, spirituality refers to a person's relationship not just to God but also to himJherself and other people. It includes beliefs about people and their purpose and role in this world and the way people understand God acting in their lives and in the world. From my experience as a Christian educator in a suburban United Methodist Church, youth in the junior high age group (ages 12 to 14) have limited views of God. Their reflections on God indicate that many of them are not yet into abstract thinking. Although they may have some ideas about who God is and how God relates to them, a broader sense of spirituality is nonexistent. They see God as a judge, and their job is to not get caught breaking church rules. It is a narrow and compartmentalized view in which God is talked about in Sunday school but not really related to all of life. Junior high youth tend to parrot behavioral expectations heard from parents and teachers rather than integrate those behaviors into their lives. Senior high youth (ages 14 to 18) may have a more developed sense of spirituality. Thinking abstractly is easier for older youth, and many of them have spent time contemplating God. Many have a growing relationship with God and are asking difficult questions concerning God's relationship to the problems of life. Nevertheless, senior high youth still seem to equate spirituality with church. They see the church as setting forth a set of rules defining right and wrong. To be a spiritual person is to live by those rules. Questions Youth Ask The types of questions youth ask during church sexuality education weekends reveal much about the connections they see between sexuality and spirituality. Early teens ask very few of what I call "God questions." These youth are curious about the biology of sexuality and the social rules of relating to one another, but the religious perspective is noticeably absent. When I raise issues of personal stewardship of God's gift of our sexuality, they are open to the ideas but do not offer many of their own thoughts. It seems a foreign idea to relate sexuality and God. Their compartmentalized view of life is evident. ,"inter 1991 21 Late teens, however, are beginning to see things differently. They do ask ""God questions." Sometimes they want to know what God thinks about premarital intercourse or homosexuality. But more often their concern is with what the church says about these two issues and whether certain sexual activities are ""right" or ""wrong." Using a legalistic mindset, youth check out their beliefs or behaviors to see if they are in synchrony with the ""religious view" or what they ""should" be doing or thinking. Senior high youth do see a relationship between their sexuality, and their spirituality but that relationship consists of their ideas and behavior being judged. The Church's Response When teens grapple with issues of sexuality church people usually respond in three ways. First, they quickly define right and wrong (sometimes using biblical passages as proof). Second, they give ready answers (often in obscure terms). And third, they list numerous rules for sexual behavior. Each of these responses is said to be ""very clear" (even though the ones giving the answers may not have seen things nearly so clearly in their youth and young adulthood!). As real human beings with our own discomforts with issues of sexuality and our own fears for the well-being and indeed the very lives of young people today, the temptation for those of us who are adults to respond in these ways is strong. Nevertheless, we need to stretch ourselves and offer young people more than rules and pat answers. Our ChaUenge As church people concerned with youth and their sexual and spiritual development, we are challenged to respond in new ways. What follows are some key ways that we can nurture the integration of young people's sexuality and spirituality. • Help them develop their critical thinking skills. Giving pat answers does nothing to help people learn to think and make wise decisions for themselves. Teaching decisionmaking skills does just that. None of us can be with young people every moment of their lives to make their decisions for them. But we can help them develop skills to critically think through those situations. • Help youth to see their own prejudices and to push their own limits ofjudgmental thinking. I have often seen youth be cruel to others they perceive as different-shorter, smarter, less talented, more talented, possibly gay or lesbian, the list goes on. We need to accept youth as they are and affirm them as individuals, and then help them do the same with each other. Youths' cruelty can stem from their own feelings of differentness and inadequacy. We need to help youth see that their attitudes towards others need to be ones of acceptance, not judgment. We have a responsibility to treat others with kindness and mercy-especially those whom we perceive as different! We can provide a prophetic witness to young people in our lives by the way we treat them, by the way we treat others, and the way we call them to treat others. • Provide youth with tools and resources such as adequate and complete sexuality education and opportunities for open communication and dialogue concerning sexuality and spirituality. Being willing to discuss issues instead of avoiding them makes a strong statement. We have a responsibility to see that youth are provided facts as well as values, communication skills, and faith resources so they can grow in their spirituality and their understandings of their sexuality. We need to quit assuming that kids will pick up our values and beliefs (and thereby behaviors) by osmosis. We consciously and conscientiously should generate opportunities for encouraging the spiritual and sexual growth and development of ""our" young people. (When I speak of our young people I am not just speaking to parents. Any young people in the community of faith belong to and are the responsibility of the entire community of faith!) We need to talk about intimacy, love, sexual intercourse, sexual orientation, physical expressions of intimacy besides intercourse, relationships, self-esteem, decision making and how our faith informs that process, among other topics. • Provide an environment ofsupport. Too often in church settings we avoid difficult issues hoping they will go away. Young people should be openly supported as they struggle with the difficult issues of growing up. Offering many of the opportunities mentioned above will help youth feel that they are supported by the community of faith. This environment of support needs to include significant relationships with adults other than youths' parents. Youth can use the support and wisdom provided by adults and can often listen better to adults that are not their parents. As adults, we can provide a faithful witness to youth if we allow ourselves to get real with youth. They can see through our examples what have been good choices, what are some pitfalls in life, and what issues we still struggle with. We have awesome tasks before us. We can offer much to youth as they grow into adulthood, but we need to take those tasks seriously. We need to come to grips with our own spirituality and sexuality and look at how they interface for us. Then we need to walk alongside youth as they discern these interfaces for themselves. With such vital life issues as sexuality and spirituality facing our young people, how can we do less?'" Melany Burrill has a master's degree in religious education from Wesley Theological Seminary and is a Christian educator in Burke, Virginia. She has led more than 20 sexuality education weekend workshops within churches over the last nine years, reaching more than 350 youth and their parents. Open Hands 22 Rep Report ~ New Reconciling Congregations We welcome two new Reconciling Congregations who joined the program in the fall of 1990. Both of these congregations are in the Northern Illinois Conference, making a total of 9 in that conference and 48 across the country. Parish of the Holy Covenant The Parish of the Holy Covenant is a landmark in Chicago, affectionately known as "the church with the mural," by riders on the "el" line. An award-winning mural, "For a New World," was created on the west wall of the church building in 1973 by artists John Weber and Oscar Martinez. The Parish dates from 1894 in the Lincoln ParklLakeview neighborhood of Chicago. The congregation was active in the civil rights movement of the 1960s and women's rights in the 1970s. A core group has spent the last decade working on J apaneseAmerican redress from World War II internment, which culminated in their names appearing on the Supreme Court case decided.in 1989. In the 1980s, the congregation declined to 10 to 12 members. It has recently begun a redevelopment project to build its membership among the younger professionals now living in the neighborhood. The RC statement attracted several new members, and now worship attendance averages over 30 persons. The congregation is about to embark on a major building renovation project. Winfield UMC Winfield UMC is a small congregation seeking to maintain a progressive UMC presence in conservative DuPage County, 27 miles west of Chicago. Founded over 30 years ago, Winfield now has about 20 active members, most of whom are younger adults with children. Winfield has a history of involvement on issues of inclusiveness, havin!!: held forums on racism and inter l Central American concerns. Making the church school curriculum inclusive in terms of images, language, and relationships has been a special project. Interested in exploring the Reconciling Congregation Program, Winfield sent a member to the RC convocation in February 1990. Following a six-week study session, a resolution to become a Reconciling Congregation was approved by the congregation on November 4, 1990. The process of becoming a Reconciling Congregation provided a special opportunity for dialogue for church members regarding their families and their experiences. UMC Annual Conferences Approaching The 1991 sessions of the 73 United Methodist annual conferences in the United States coming up in May and June are of particular importance. It is at these sessions that the delegates to the quadrennial General Conference of 1992 will be elected and petitions and resolutions to that policy-making body will be approved. Among other business, the 1992 General Conference will receive the report and any recommendations from the UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality. Here are ideas of what you can do this winter and spring to prepare for your 1991 annual conference: 1) Have your local church propose a resolution to your annual conferencefor the 1992 General Conference. Talk with your pastor, your RC Committee, other RCs in your conference, and the local MFSA chapter to coordinate the submission of resolutions or legislation supporting inclusive ministries. Check with your conference office on the deadline and proper procedures for submitting any petitions. ' Ifyou have questions or need assistance, contact the RCP office. 2) Identify candidatesfor General Conference delegates who are supportive oflesbian/gay ministries. Talk with your pastor or conference lay member to help determine prospective delegates. Contact these persons about your concern for reconciling ministries with lesbians and gay men. Help supportive candidates get their name before other churches and fellow conference members. 3) Plan to display RCP resources at your annual conference session. Contact your conference office to find the process for securing display space at the conference session. You should also contact other RCs in your conference to coordinate efforts. Contact the RCP office several weeksin advance to arrange to have display materials shipped to you. The RCP Board will be sending information about General Conference to Reconciling Congregations this spring. Ifyou are not a member of an RC and would like to receive this information, contact the RCP office at 202/863-1586. Future Issues of Open Hands Here is a list of themes of upcoming issues of Open Hands: • Lesbian Concerns (Summer '91) • Sexual Diversity (Fall '91) • Why Nongay Persons Support the Lesbian/Gay Movement (Winter '92) • Ministry/Ordination (Spring '92) • Inclusiveness of Other Minorities (Summer '92) • Spirituality & Sexuality (Fall '92) • Age-related Concerns (Winter '93) • Saints of the Reconciling Movement (Spring '93) Ifyou are interested in helping plan the content or writing for any of these issues, contact the RCP office. 23 Letters Out of the Woods Many thanks for sending the back issues. I've enjoyed "catching up" as it were. All the issues [of Open Hands] are so meaningful, especially when you consider living in this small town of 1,000 souls. Mter spending all my life (54 years) here and in another small town nearby as a high school guidance counselor, a two-year retirement, and "finding myself," I'm in the process of moving to Atlanta. Knowing that Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC [a Reconciling Congregation in Atlanta] exists poses a wonderful opportunity for me. I am so thankful and appreciative for what you and my fellow gay Christian people are so involved and so committed to doing. The inclusiveness of all has to be our goal for this age. Know how meaningful your efforts are to one subscriber out here! -Cranford Sutton Willacoochee, Georgia · Taking a Stand The enclosed check for the : Reconciling Congregation Project • needs a brief explanation. Recently • the "homestead" of my fathers' • family (all of whom have died) was • sold. The inheritance should have • gone to my mother and us five : siblings. My mother refused her • share, saying she didn't need it, but • requested that each of us five • children give to her local Methodist • Church building fund (the church I • grew up in). I was clear that I : couldn't conscientiously help • Methodism until it stopped discrimi• nating against my gay brothers and • sisters. I announced my decision to • make a donation to the part of • Methodism I believe in-Kinheart (a : locallesbianlwomen's program in • Evanston, Illinois) and the Reconcil• ing Congregation Program.... My • point is that, after criticizing main• stream Methodism, I decided to do Reconciling Congregations • something about what I find wrong in : Methodism. My best wishes in your effort to • have "92 by '9211-and in the contin• ued reconciling ministry you are • doing. -Dave Matteson Crete, Illinois [A special thanks to Dave and the • many otherfriends who have sent • gifts in response to our "92 in '92" • appeal. MLB.] Send your letters and comments to • share with other readers to Open : Hands, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, • D.C. 20026. ARIZONA Tucson St. Francisin the Foothils CALIFORNIA Albany AlbanyUMC Berkel€y Trinity UMC Fresno Wesley UMC Los Angeles United University Wilshire UMC Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC San Francisco BethanyUMC CalvaryUMC Hamilton UMC Trinity UMC Santa Monica Church in Ocean Park Vacaville St. Paul's UMC West Hollywood Crescent Heights UMC COLORADO Denver St. Paul's UMC DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington Christ UMC Dumbarton UMC GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albany Park UMC Irving Park UMC Parish of the Holy Covenant United Church of Rogers Park DeKalb University UMC Evanston He'C1 enway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC Winfield Winfield UMC KANSAS Mission ecumenikos LOUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC MARYLAND Baltimore St. John's UMC MINNESOTA Minneapolis Prospect Park UMC Walker Community UMC Wesley UMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC NEW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC New York Metropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC OHIO Toledo Central UMC OREGON Estacada Estacada UMC Portland Metanoia Peace Community PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC First UMC of Germantown TENNESSEE Nashville Edgehill UMC WASHINGTON Seattle Capitol Hill UMC Wallingford UMC WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC RECONCILING CONFERENCES California-Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy RECONCILING COMMISSION General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns RECONCILING ORGANIZATION Methodist Federation for Social Action Open Hands 24 Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 6 No 3 - Youth and Sexual Identity: New Vistas https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/25435e0b5859e3ec12e00bd82ad14cf5.pdf 69747f96b7613463f976dde9824d8a7e Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 6 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 4 Publication Date The date the issue was published 1991 Table of Contents The table of contents of the issue Spring Text Any textual data included in the document Open Hands is published quarterly by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc., as a resource for congregations and individuals seeking to be in ministry with lesbians and gay men. Each issue of Open Hands focuses on a particular area of concern related to gay men and lesbians within the Church. The R econciling Congregation Program is a network of United Methodist local churches that publicly affirm their ministry with the whole family of God and welcome lesbians and gay men into their community of faith. In this network, Reconciling Congregations fmd strength and support as they strive to overcome the divisions caused by prejudice and homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations, along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Mfirming (United Church of ChristfDisciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming (Unitarian Universalist) congregations, offer hope that the church can be a reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage in these ministries, the Reconciling Congregation Program provides resource materials, including Open Hands. Information about the program and these resources can be obtained from: Reconciling Congregation Program P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Reconciling -'linistries u:ith Lesbillns and Ga.' _len The Theological Task: Different for Lesbians~ Gay Men~ and Bisexual .~........... . Morris Floyd On Being an Artist of the Spirit...................................................... 6 Rebecca Ruth Richards and Kathy Schaafsma On My Journey Now ....................................................................... 8 Ra';"dy Miller The Road Back: From Religious Abuse to Healthy Spirituality ...............................l1 CathyAnn Beaty Doing Theology: Some Personal Perspectives Making Our Own Doors ............................................................. 13 Douglas F ederhart God Loves Me .............................................................................. 15 Donna Jones Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality ...................................... 16 Gloria Soliz My Cup Runneth Over............................................................... 17 R. S. Umoja Sustaining the Spirit A Eucharistic Liturgy ................................................................. 18 Dan Geslin and Bill Plieseis Our Table Prayer...................... · ................................................. 20 Ahavat Shalom Resources ......................................................................................... 21 RCP Report.....................................................................................22 2 Open Hand.. Living as God's Crea~on: Lesbian / Gay Reflections on Christian Theology Like all individuals and all groups of people, lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons of faith have their own spiritual insights and experiences. Among themselves, these offerings can constitute a legitimate theology of their own-much like the important perspectives offered by feminist, Black, Latin American, and other liberation theologies. Equally important, only when the insight of all these theologies are valued will Christians be on the way toward developing a theology that truly speaks to the complexity of human experience. Various Christian denominations have official statements exploring why and how they "do theology." The United Methodist Church (UMC), for example, adopted a statement at its 1988 General Conference that defmes theology as "our effort to reflect upon God's gracious action in our lives." This statement, entitled "Our Theological Task," lists various responsibilities faced by Christians as we do our own theologizing: theological work is "both critical and constructive," "individual and communal," "contextual and incarnational," and "essentially practical." Through much of Christian history, theology has been treated as the province of the narrow set of persons who have largely run the Churchessentially, heterosexual, White, European and North American males with formal academic training in religion. Yet, as the UMC statement reminds us, theology should be inclusive: "The discernment of 'plain truth for plain people' is not limited to theological specialists. Scholars have their role to play ..., but all Christians are called to theological reflection." Moreover, Christians of varied perspectives and cultures "are called to work within our diversity while exercising patience and forbearance with one another. Such patience stems ... from an awareness that we know only in part and that none of us is able to search the mysteries of God except by the Spirit of God." It is in this spirit that we present this issue of Open Hands. For it is only when the UMC and other Christian denominations are intentional about blending in their theology the entire r ange of perspectives and cultureslesbian, gay, bisexual, and heterosexual; from all racial, ethnic, and economic spheres-that the Church will be able to claim with any integrity that it is working toward the inclusive theology that Christ clearly desires for us. ********** We are pleased to announce that, beginning with this issue, Open Hands is printed on recycled paper. This paper meets both the guidelines for recycled paper set by the U. S. Environmental Protection Agency and stricter standards set by various state governments. In addition, because this paper is "uncoated" (i.e., not glossy), it is easily recyclable in many communities. It is also less expensive than our previous paper, enabling us to print Open Hands with two ink colors throughout--and still have a slightly reduced printing bill! T Next Issue~ Theme: Lesbian Concerns Spring 1991 Reconciling Congregation Program Coordinator Mark Bowman Open Hands Co-Editors Ann Thompson Cook Bradley Rymph This Issue's Coordinators Kristen Burkert Morris Floyd Editorial Assistants Van Dixon Donna Jones Graphic Design Supon Design Group Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the U.S.A.). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters to the editors, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to: Open Hands P.O. Box 23636 Washington, D.C. 20026 Phone: 202/863-1586 Copyright © 1991 by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark. Member, The Associated Church Press ISSN 0888-8833 ® Printed on recycled paper 3 The Theolo~ea1 Task: Different for lesb~Gay Men, and Bisexuals? by Morris Floyd Church people are accustomed to talking aboutor at least listening to others talk about-theology. Asked the meaning of theology, they might respond in a simple way that it is "thinking about God." The inadequacy of such a defmition becomes immediately apparent, of course, if one tries to imagine "thinking about God" independent from any religious or life experience. Theological insight is required even to defme the term God that is to be the subject of thought. The question of God-or, for.that matter, of god(s)--does not arise in a vacuum. Rather, the idea of God arises most often as a result of questions about other subjects. In many cultures, the issue arises from a question about how "things" (the world , humankind, a people, the rain) came to be or about how "things" got to be the way they are. Questions such as these arise out of the experience of those asking the question. To this extent, theology has as much to do with the one who "does" it as with the One who is its subject. This reality can be illustrated by thinking of the first few chapters of Genesis as a theological document. These chapters certainly meet the defmition of theology as "thinking about God." Opinions about the nature of God can be inferred from them, but these chapters also contain information about the world, the plants and animals that inhabit it, the relationships between them, and their relationships with the creator. God is described only with reference to other entities. Moreover, what we learn from these chapters depends a great deal on what questions we imagine the writer was addressing or on what questions we ask when we go to the text. Reading the Bible as a theological document is not unlike the game show Jeopardy, in which the questions are at least as important as the answers. The depth of the question's significance can be seen by imagining an answer as "1492." The accompanying question might be "In what year is Christopher Columbus said to have discovered America?" Alternatively, the question might be "In what year was the fate of the indigenous people of the Americas sealed when the invasion from Europe gained a solid foothold in the hemisphere?" In the first case, "1492" would be a simple but correct response to a schoolchild's question. In the second case, itwould be a "true" response about a historical reality that has had a permanent impact on the cultures, politics, and ecologies of the north and south American continents. In comparison with the historical reality referenced by the question, the answer is of little significance. Even more important, the difference between the two questions reveals much about the experience of those who ask them. While it is true that the same person could ask either question, one may well wonder whether a person who was concerned with the second question would bother with the first. The same principle applies in reading Genesis or engaging in any other theological endeavor. There mayor may not be "truth" or "truths" that are the same no matter who asks the question. The meaning of those ideas, however, likely will not be. That is why in any faith community it is so important to have a variety of people asking theological questions. Without that variety, the faith is reduced to a collection of principles whose full meaning is lost to the community. In time, the principles become more important than the questions, and a stultifying fundamentalism sets in. When that fundamentalism is further reinforced by one or another kind of social intolerance, emotional or physical violence can result. What CathyAnn Beaty refers to as "religious abuse" elsewhere in these pages is one example. In short, any theological endeavor based solely on what the Bible "says" is destined to be incomplete. Theology must be informed by the witness of the Scripture, but that witness should be enlightened by the experiences of the persons doing the theology, the insights of our forebears in the faith, and the knowledge that further insight is still to come. Persons raised in a Methodist environment may recognize in this what is commonly called the "Wesleyan quadrilateral": the teaching of John Wesley that enlightened Christian theology has four sources-Scripture, experience, tradition, and reason. E lsewhere in this issue, Randy Miller explains that "the starting point ofdoing theology is naming and defming one's own condition and experience." In addition, however, the authenticity of a "lesbianlgay/bisexual theology" will be greatest when that theology emerges on the basis of the experience of a whole community, rather than the experience of a single individual in that community. To move even further-towards a complete, more inclusive theology--dialogue is necessary both among those whose experiences are similar and with those whose experiences are different. Any theology based solely on the experience of persons of one sexual orientation, one gender, or one ethnic group is destined to speak to and for only that subset of experience. Ifthe churches fail to empower their members for the theological task by fostering community among people with different experiences, the result may well be something not terribly different than what exists todaya disharmonious, sometimes vituperative competition of ideologies, rather than a symphony of shared vision, careful thought, and faithful action. T he theological task does not end with creating a context in which this kind of "thinking about God" can occur. Another aspect of Christian theologizing is the establishment of a connection between the 4 Open Hand~ dialogue that is happening now empirical knowledge. ~~ In 1988~ a with the dialogue that has come rewritten theological statement before. This imperative can be a approved by the denomination~s neology has as particular challenge for lesbians~ General Conference~ affirmed gay men~ and bisexuals. Anti-gay ··efforts to discern the connections proof texts from the Bible have between revelation and reason~ been hurled against us for a long faith and science~ grace and much to do·witn the time by those who would~ in the nature ... in developing credible name of Christ~ deny us access to and communicable doctrine."5 the Gospel unless we are preSetting aside the implicit pared to deny the gift of our assertions that the purpose of sexuality. The parts of the doing theology is to develop one wh.o"does" it Christian tradition that have doctrine~ critical analysis is what respected that gift and honored keeps the theologian from talking our relationships have been only to her-or himself. Much carefully hidden~ while theological thinking about matters as with ,the One tradition~ s heterosexist and related to sexual orientation has homophobic aspects have been been devoid of reason~ ignoring emphasized. well-established insights from A large measure of our scientific and empirical discitheological task then is to do as plines. When we avoid that fault~ who is its subject. John Shelby Spong has suggested in the title of his recent book-to rescue the Bible from the fundamentalists.l At the same time~ we can open for public view those parts of the Christian tradition that have been hidden from us~ knowing that they offer a liberating word of good news for many. To do so~ we will have to address the dozen or so biblical passages that seem to have specific references to same-sex behavior. This does not mean surrendering to the traditional approaches or literal interpretations of those who are predisposed to condemn us. Rather~ as James Nelson has pointed out~ it means adding value to the Bible and to the Christian tradition by bringing to them the ··crucial insights about the ways of God in human relationships~~ that arise from our ··consciousness of sexual oppression."2 This part of the theological task is not merely debunking. It also involves bringing into the discussion the rest of Scripture~ the parts that capture the fullest meaning of discipleship and give greatest expression to the inclusiveness to which God is calling the churches. John McNeill~ a former Jesuit priest and author of The Church and the Homosexual~ has written about ··one of the true ironies of history: for thousands of years in the Christian West~ homosexuals have been the victims of inhospitable treatment-the true crime of Sodom-in the name of a mistaken understanding of Sodom~ s crime."3 You may not have to be lesbian~ gay ~ or bisexual to have that insight~ but it certainly helps in appreciation of the irony! And is it coincidence that only a gay scholar (historian John Boswell~ author of Christianity, Social Tolerance and Homosexuality) has persevered to discover centurieshidden evidence that celebration and solemnization of samesex relationships is a significant part of the Christian tradition.4 F inally~ the theological task requires an accountability to reason. As the statement on ··Our Theological Task~~~ adopted in 1972 by the United we strengthen our own understandings as well as improve the credibility of our insights to those whose perspectives may be different. T he theological task may~ itself~ not be different for lesbians~ gay men~ and bisexuals than it is for heterosexuals~ but the contributions we can make to that task are. To the extent that being gay or lesbian-or indeed~ having any other characteristic-is a key to one's identity, it will playa key role in that person~s contribution to doing theology. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons of faith bring crucial insights to the church's ongoing need to develop and redevelop valid theology. The other writers in this issue introduce some significant areas of this insight: the importance of various forms of interpersonal and communal relationships; what it can mean to be an ··outsider'~ or victim of ··oppression"; why the church everywhere is called to be inclusive; and the comfort and sureness that can come from personally knowing the accepting love of God even when that love is denied by other humans~ whether they be in one~ s family of origin~ the chutch~ or society at large.T Notes 1. John Shelby Spong, Rescuing the Biblefrom Fundamentalism: A Bishop Rethinks the Meaning ofScripture (San Francisco: Harper, 1991). 2. James Nelson, "Reuniting Sexuality and Spirituality," The Christian Century, February 25, 1987, p. 188. 3. John McNeill, "Homosexuality: Challenging the Church to Grow," The Christian Century, March 11, 1987. 4. John Boswell introduces some of his fmdings in a videotape, 1500 Years ofthe Church Blessing Lesbian and Gay Relationships: It's Nothing New (available from Integrity, Inc., P.O. Box 19561, Washington, DC 20036). 5. The Book ofDiscipline ofthe United Methodist Church 1972, Para. 70, p. 70, and 1988, Para. 69, p. 86. Morris Floyd is a ministerial member ofthe California-PaciflC Annual Conference ofthe United Methodist Church, serving a special Methodist Church~ declared~ ··Christian doctrines which appointment as a health-care administrator in Minneapolis. He is one of are developed from Scripture~ tradition and ·experience~ the spokespersons ofAffirmation: United Methodistsfor Lesbian, Gay, must be submitted to critical analysis so that they ... avoid and Bisexual Concerns. self-contradiction and take due account of scientific and Spring 1991 5 On Beingan Artist ofthe Spirit by Rebecca Ruth Richards and Kathy Schaaftma Recently I (Rebecca) spent a glorious afternoon in New York's Metropolitan Museum of Art. For an entire hour, I was totally immersed in the qualities of light, sound, and smell elicited by one Monet painting, "A Bridge Over a Pool of Water Lilies." Deep in meditation, I remember wondering, what made Monet believe in his own work? The critics, authorities of artistic value, derided the style as "giving an impression," but not worthy of being called ""true" art. How did Monet know that his canvases would not end up on the trash heap or in dusty attic oblivion? A partial answer came as I contemplated the pure joy of standing there in the warm, buzzing, summer garden, watching the artist in the rapture (or struggle) of creation. Monet painted what he saw in the scene, not what artistic authority prescribed. Most art-and true genius-is thusly born. Itbreaks with tradition; in the face of its critics, it has the courage to continue, to tell its own story. During a time in my life when I was struggling to understand the gifts that I, as a pastor and as a lesbian, had to offer the church, I prepared a lenten sermon on I Samuel 16:1-13 and John 9:1-41. Both of these lessons have to do with ways of seeing things, and what it means to see. In the Hebrew Bible lesson, Samuel goes to Bethlehem to anoint Saul's successor. Even the prophet is subject to the lure of outward appearance and must be reminded that God sees things differently. This story is only one among many in scripture by which we are reminded that God's ways are not our ways. In the passage from John, Jesus challenges the usual order of things, questioning the authority of the religious establishment. When Jesus heals the one born blind, the council of Pharisees responds with jealous anger, condemning Jesus and casting the healed one out of the temple. Jesus responds that indeed he has come ""that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may become blind" (John 9:39). Those of us who have been blinded to our own wholeness by the imposition of the dominant cultural norm of heterosexuality have had our eyes opened: Gay and lesbian Christians have been cast out of the temple, not by God, but 6 Open Hands hy religious authorities who have patterned religious law concerning human sexuality after their own image. As we discover the wholeness within ourselves, we fmd the affirmation of God's hlessing. Through faith in God and in our own worth, we proclaim, as did the one horn hlind, "One thing I know, that though I was hlind, now I see" (Jo1m 9:25). As we come to understand the failings of the church in its interpretation of Scripture, we also look more skeptically upon the Scripture itself. While we take very seriously the hiblical witness to the loving creator, we are fully aware that Scripture also reflects the imperfect human culture through which it has come. For example, we read in Genesis 19 (the infamous story of Sodom and Gomorrah) that Lot offered his young daughters to he gang-raped rather than turn over the messengers of God to the angry moh from Sodom. The moh was intent on hrutalization and murder, an expression of violence condemned hy God. But the fact that Lot's offer of his daughters is not also condemned reflects the values of the malecentered society which produced the text. In an equally prohlematic text from Judges II, a hargain struck with God for military victory results in J ephthah ' s making a hurnt offering of his own daughter. Jephthah's willingness to sacrifice one of "his own" to achieve a goal demonstrates his culture's emphasis on ownership over relationship. A god whose favor can he had for a price is not a god of justice. Nor are Jephthah's actions an example of faithful living we want to emulate. Particularly disturhing for women is the model of faithfulness provided to the daughters of Israel hy Jephthah's unnamed daughter. Her sacrifice, commemorated annually, upholds the value of a woman's ohedience, even unto death, to patriarchal authority. Even the New Testament is often more a conveyer of ancient cultural norms than of God's will. Paul's use of marriage analogies, in which the hride-church submits to her hushand-Lord, illustrates the role of women in marriage at that time. The proscriptions in I Timothy (Paul's authorship is widely disputed) against the leadership of women in the church reversed the place of women in the earliest Christian communities. Unfortunately, this reversal hecame the norm, estahlishing church practice for centuries. It is of particular interest to leshians and gay men that the church relinquished its earlier inclusivity in order to conform itself to the cultural norms of the Roman Empire. Scriptural and ecclesiastical authority are riddled with patriarchal, sexist, racist, and heterosexist values. Therefore, in our efforts to understand divine nature and to develop a value system consistent with that understanding, we must turn to our own experience of God's presence in our lives and in our community offaith. Like the creative genius, we must trust our experience. We must acknowledge what we see and proclaim that vision. We must open our eyes, ears, hearts, and minds to the stirrings of the Spirit and honor what we receive. We must value these gifts and share them. We must trust that God's purpose is hest fulf"illed when all of HerlHis creatures have the freedom to speak and live their visions, for only then will God's will for all of creation-not the will of ruling authorities-he accomplished. We must work confidently for the day when church authority will rest in the community of the faithful, a community as diverse as God's creation, with every race proudly represented, men and women working cooperatively together, gay men and leshians openly contributing their voices, with the voices of the poor, the elderly, the young, and the physically challenged all respectfully heard. Indeed, it is within the faith community that our new theology is tested, as we who are huilding the inclusive community of God share with one another our experience and our visions. Christ's first commandment, to love God, and the second, to love our neighbors as ourselves, move us to thankfulness toward God, to ~ zz::::,c:. compassion towards others, and to loving acceptance of ~ ourselves. Christ tells us not to judge or condemn ourselves or others. Towards tax collectors, _the sick, the hlind, the leper , the rich, the poor, the confused , the ostracized, Christ shows us an example of inclusive love, mercy, and compassion. We see in Christ an active love, a hrightly hurning fire which could he quenched neither hy the threat of death nor hy death itself. We too must tend the fires of our spirits through loving action, with compassion for all our hrothers and sisters and with compassion for those who exclude us, condemning no one. As leshians and gay men, we experience the love of God every day-in the heauty of nature; the courage of those who struggle; the love of our partners, friends, and relatives; the unexpected moments of perfect peace and tranquility; and the understanding we gain as we move through our lives open to the Spirit. God, in whom we too live and move and have our heing, sustains us and helps us to sustain each other. Because we experience ourselves to he cherished children of our creator, we can celehrate our lives. We shall not deny who we are. We shall not deny God's love for us. Rather, as trusting children, we shall rejoice in that love and share it with all, especially with those whom society has rejected. As we move toward the a.rticulation of a leshian/gay theology, we must he recalled to the struggle of the artist, not only to take courage, hut to he reminded, as Samuel reminded the assembly at Bethlehem, that "God sees not as people see" (I Samuel 16:7). Throughout the hiblical narrative, divine wisdom is revealed through the witness of those who stand against the outward and visible authorities andfor the internal authority of God's spirit and claim on their lives. God's spirit in the world does not wait upon the approval of religious authority-for good reason. And ifgay and leshian Christians are to he the instruments of God's grace, neither can we." Rebecca Ruth Richards and Kathy Schaafsma are partners and members ofSt. John's UMC ofBaltimore City, a Reconciling Congregation. Rebecca directs a racial justice center, and Kathy coordinates Central American solidarity activities. Spring 1991 7 b y Randy Miller /IOn my journey now, on myjourney now. And I wouldn't trade nothin' for my journey now. /I -African American Spiritual T hese days I am reminded almost daily what a rare and beautiful opportunity it is to be an Mrican American man who loves men. As a gay man, I am utterly convinced that my life has been blessed and continues to be shaped by the hand of a loving God. My journey to this affirmation has not been an easy one. The double burdens of racism and heterosexism have taken their toll, but the pain does not exceed the power. Indeed, it is only as I have begun to embrace and confront the painful experiences in my life that I have been able to speak theologically about my journey and to feel connected to other people who share similar journeys. "Yet do I marvel at this curious thing, To make apoet black and bid him sing. " -Countee Cullen1 T he great genius of the M rican American experience, according to Marlon Riggs, 2 has always been a kind ofpastiche, the selective collection and reshaping of a hodgepodge of experiences and traditions to meet the survival needs of Mrican American people. In my own theological journey, I am indebted to many people, some living, some now ancestral. I offer these reflections as a way of keeping the faith and expressing my gratitude. I hope it might also be of help to those who have temporarily lost their way on the journey out and those who need an advocate in their struggle for human dignity. But mostly I write this for my Mrican American gay brothers and lesbian sisters who are living and all too often dying in a world that seems alien. This is/ or us. "Ain't none of us free until we all are free." Doing Theology "Somebody, anybody, sing acolored girl's song. She's so lost to herself that she does not know her infinite beauty." -Ntozake Shange3 I believe that the s~arting ~oint of do~~ theology is naming and definrng one s own conditIOn and experience. A popular misconception, which is actively promoted by those connected with the institutional church, holds that theology belongs to the realm of experts-in the context of Western Christianity, usually males of European descent-and is thus inaccessible to those without appropriate training or credentials. In this way, the church has imposed, in effect, a ban of silence on the spirituality and experiences of people of color and women. Although recently the contributions of heterosexual women and people of color have been acknowledged to merit further attention, no such acknowledgement is forthcoming for those who are openly lesbian or gay. It is time to break this silence and reclaim theology as a crucial part of who we are as faithful people. Instead of being limited to esoteric discussions, theology can and mu~t provide the energy necessary for survival and the grounding necessary for faithful action. As James Cone, the Black 8 Open Hands ~ -......;:---...--........ ~ ~ / ~~~,J,t/ ~, (I) ~ ~ ~ liberation theologian, maintains in his autobiographical work, My Soul Looks Back4 , "When theology begins to be more than a philosophical exercise, when it becomes a matter of life and death, then the energy to do theology comes easily and naturally. " Doing theology is as necessary to human existence as earth, air, and freedom. More than this, theology is a natural human expression. It belongs to all of us as surely as do love and grief. When theology is seen as the natural outgrowth of the experiences and reflections of faithful people, it becomes possible to understand how the lives of illiterate slaves and uneducated custodial workers can be undergirded with fundamental theological premises that were once and may still be needful to know. Doing theology has played a crucial role in the experiences of Mrican Americans-perhaps best exemplified by the spirituals that our ancestors sang to each other. In the face of a society that continually suggested that the slaves were no one and nothing, spirituals offered the assurance that they and we are children of God and, thus, of inestimable worth. For oppressed people who are aware of their condition, doing theology is a revolutionary act. It is always subversive in that it fosters a chafmg discontent with the present state of affairs and urges the oppressed to "steal away" at the first opportunity to the freedom and abundance that God intends for us. God Is Black I God Is Gay T o be Mrican American means coming to "the angry awareness," in the words of Malcolm X, "that your forebears have worked for over 400 years in this country, from can't see in the morning to can't see at night, without a dime in return." Mrican American people have survived the horror of the middle passage from Mrica, the holocaust of slavery, and the continuing effects of segregation, lynchings, and economic deprivation. We wake each day to a world that is in many ways hostile and alien. At a very fundamental level, then, the problem becomes fmding the presence of the Sacred in a foreign land. Mrican American theology has traditionally found God in the very midst of the struggle for freedom and human dignity. Unlike the image of the "Unmoved Mover"-a God who acts but is never acted upon-traditional Black theology envisions a God of pathos who weeps for her children's oppression, conspires on the side of the oppressed against oppressors, and acts to set her people free. The pivotal event is not the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus but the deliverance of the Hebrew children (M rican Americans) from bondage in Egypt. This understanding of the Exodus from Egypt makes clear that even now, despite all empirical evidence to the contrary, the basis of human freedom and dignity is found most fully within the will and intent of God. God empathizes and acts on behalf of the oppressed. That is why it is possible to affirm that God is Black. Where traditional Black theology does concern itself with Jesus, it is with Jesus the "human one" rather than the Cosmic Christ. It is Jesus the human one who was born to poor parents, preached deliverance for the oppressed, and was finally executed by the authorities. Far from being removed from the reality of daily oppression, Jesus experienced it himself. Where traditional Black theology is concerned with the crucifIxion and resurrection, it is to celebrate it as the triumph of the divine conspiracy. As one theologian put it, "Easter means the executioners don't have the last word." Easter, too, is ultimately about freedom. Within traditional Black theology, then, human liberation and freedom become transcendent values, fundamental to our relationship with a loving God. When freedom becomes a transcendent value rooted in our understanding of the intent and will of God, it is not dependent on recognition of God's intent by those in power. God desires freedom and liberation. It is this understanding that sent ordinary members ofMrican American churches into the streets and the pages of history during the Spring 1991 9 civil rights movement. Despite city and state laws that sanctioned segregation and injustice, Mrican Americans implicitly understood that such things are contrary to God's will for their lives and thus required civil disobedience. This is the great legacy of traditional Black theology: The acknowledgment that God has acted and continues to act for the liberation of all God's people. Those of us who are Mrican American and gay-marginalized even within an oppressed community--can testify to the larger community that God has acted, is acting, to liberate us as well. We affirm that God is gay in that the Holy One actively conspires for our liberation as well. This understanding of human liberation and freedom as transcendent values becomes a tool for critiquing all human relationships, religious tenets, societal laws, and even liberation movements themselves: Are they life-enhancing? Do they acknowledge human dignity and worth? Is their effect to bring justice for all God's people? The Journey Out "Our humanity is our burden, our life. We need only to do what is infinitely more difficult, that is, accept it. " -James Baldwin5 am told fairly often that, if I want to be accepted or successful, I must choose to live a fragmented, selfdestructive life in the closet-or conversely, that I must choose between my experience as an Mrican American and my experience as an openly gay man. In reality, this is no choice. It demands an impossible splitting of the self and confirms deeply held societal beliefs that both "blackness" and "gayness" are unnatural, even evil. As Barbara Deming says so powerfully, "We cannot live without our lives."6There comes a time when wholeness and integrity demand that we choose exile rather than be less than who we are. In choosing exile, we begin the journey out. I have suggested that traditional Black theology is intimately concerned with human liberation and empowerment. At the heart of this concern is an affirmation that human beings are persons of sacred worth-what I have elsewhere called God's original blessing, "the blessing woven into the texture of who we are, that is surely ours even as our fmgerprints or the hairs upon our heads are part of us." What if lesbian and gay people believed at the core of our being and lived our lives as if we were an intricate part of God's plan for her creation? What does this affirmation have to say about our identities, our "closetedness," and our freedom? Perhaps the distinctive witness that Mrican American lesbians and gay men of faith have to offer is simply that such living is possible, despite what seems to be overwhelming eVidence to the contrary. Maybe the gift we have to give is our unique perspective as those who, of necessity, live within the context of at least two experiences of oppression and still make it to freedom. Perhaps what we have to pass on is the knowledge forged at the core of our being that, in the end, all struggles for liberation converge into a common struggle and that despite our differences, all people share a common humanity under the loving eye of the Creator. If so, such knowledge is obtained only by loving ourselves and beginning the journey out.'" Notes 1. Countee Cullen, "Yet Do I Marvel," in Abraham Chapman, ed. Black Voices: An Anthology ofAfro-American Literature (New York: New American Library, 1968). 2. Marlon Riggs, unpublished speech, 1991 National Black Gay and Lesbian Leadership Conference, Los Angeles. 3. Ntozake Shange, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf(New York: Bantam, 1980). 4. James H. Cone, My Soul Looks Back (Maryknoll, N.Y. : Orbis Books, 1986). 5. James Baldwin, The Price ofTicket: Collected Nonfiction, 19481985 (New York: St. Martin's Press, 1985). 6. Barbara Deming, quoted in Audre Lorde, Need: A Choralefor Black Woman Voices (Latham, N.Y.: Kitchen Table: Women of Color Press, 1982). Randy Miller directs the Rafiki Services Project, San Francisco, which trains practical and emotional support volunteersfor African Americans with AIDS, and he serves on the National Council of Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbain, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns. Open Hands I 10 Spring 1991 When I first began my ministry at Spirit of the Lakes Ecumenical Community~ a congregation of the United Church of Christ located in Minneapolis~ I knew I would hear many stories about homophobia in the church at large. Spirit of the Lakes~ members are primarily gay ~ lesbian~ and bisexual, and many of them have come from very conservative religious backgrounds. More often than not, the stories I hear are about struggles to recover from a combination of internalized homophobia and internal religious beliefs that do not reflect their personal spiritual experiences. At first~ I heard in those stories references to biblical teachings and subsequent attitudes that condemned gay and lesbian people~ and the profound negative impact that those particular teachings had on parishioners ~ lives. As the months went on~ however~ I began to unearth layer upon layer of other "Christian teachings~~ and methods of religious education that had similar oppressive impact. Time and again~ I hear stories about being forced into believing doctrines and creeds about God and Jesus without being able to make choices about whether or not those doctrines~ creeds, and ways of religious life fit their particular spiritual experience. Over time~ as I have listened to story after story~ I have discovered some very specific parallels between the struggles of survivors of physical~ emotional~ or sexual abuse and the struggles of survivors of this extreme religious indoctrination~ which I call "religious abuse." The results of this abuse~ I believe, have significantly influenced not only my congregants' development as children but their ability to function as healthy adults as well. This can be especially true when one becomes aware of one's sexual orientation at a very young age~ in those most impressionable years of spiritual growth. I am beginning to understand that people who are no longer satisfied with their religious education cover a wide spectrum of experiences and concerns. At one extreme are people who are discovering that they were ritually abused or brainwashed to force on them specific beliefs (including, in some cases~ Satanic and other cults); these people can be trying to recover from such symptoms as multiple personality disorders ~ psychoses~ and suicidal tendencies. At the spectrum~s other end are people who simply have concerns and questions about pieces of religious teachings that no longer seem to fit with their lives. In the middle are many people who have left the church because they have not been given an environment that truly nurtures their spiritual needs. Rather~ they have grown up in environments which insisted that they believe certain "truths" or face rejection by God and the church. Obviously ~ religious abuse covers quite a broad range. The crucial spiritual and therapeutic issues involved across the spectrum have only just begun to be addressed by a handful of professionals in church and therapeutic communities. This kind of abuse commonly produces a lot of guilt and shame~ especially for people from Catholic~ fundamentalist, and very conservative Lutheran backgrounds. Of course, not all people who come from these particular religious backgrounds have suffered from religious abuse. Rather~ many of the people that I have spoken to who have grown up in these religious environments are seeking a spiritual reality that is true for them. Much of their struggle is a 11 result of what they learned as children. Rather than being Christian communities of faith that are welcoming not only given the tools and the permission to question and seek out of diverse sexual orientation but of theological understandtheir own faith when they were young, many grew up with ing as well. beliefs that were pushed onto them, and in some cases used Whatever the direction taken, however, there is a great to keep them "in line." need for internal healing before personal A t the ages of theologizing can take three, four, and place. Folks who have five, children been religiously abused are beginning to ask need time to rediscover questions about God, who they are and what beginning to understand it means to care about what being in relationship themselves. They need is about, and beginning to permission to let go of express their joy and awe guilt and work through in the world, in creation, shame so that they can in themselves, and in their begin to accept themfamilies. It is precisely at selves as creative, this time that they begin to lovable people in their be, if they are in rigid own right. Itis also religious systems, taught critical that they fmd and pushed to believe very safe places and safe . specific doctrines and people. Only then can creeds. These doctrines they begin to ask commonly include a God questions about what who is judgmental, who they have been taught, demands a certain way of as well as to grapple expressing religious belief, with and learn about and who rejects those who their own unique do not. These doctrines spiritual experiences. also specify a male God Though who perpetuates a religious abuse is a very patriarchal system. In old reality, it is a very short, children raised in new discovery. Both an environment of the clergy and the religious abuse receive a church at large have message that "God loves much to do to help you but you don't quite parishioners further measure up. You need to explore their stories be doing something to try and spiritual searching. and better yourself and I am just beginning to then you can fmd God's see what religious abuse grace and go to heaven. If can do to us, and I am you don't believe what the convinced that spiritual church teaches you about recovery is possible. I God, you will go to hell." see it happening for This kind of indoctrimany people at Spirit nation often results in an of the Lakes, as they inability to believe in fmd a church home oneself, to fmd one's that not only is affirmtruth, and to express it ing and nurturing of within a community. It them as lesbian, gay, can also lead to dissatisfaction with one's spirituality, lack of self-esteem, confusion about boundaries (where do I stop and you begin), and, in some cases, a deep loathing of oneself. T he road back to healthy spirituality takes different directions. Many people leave the institutional church altogether, either giving up on ever having spiritual fulfillment or fmding their spiritual needs met in a wide variety of other ways. Other folks choose to leave the church for a time and then seek out and bisexual people but also respects each individual's spiritual journey. In addition, the therapeutic and church communities need to be willing to work together in exploring these issues further, especially for those people who have been severely abused either ritually or denominationally. Itwill take more than a nurturing church home to help those folks recover. The Rev. CathyAnn Beaty is co-pastor ofSpirit ofthe Lakes Ecumenical Community, an Open and Affirming Congregation of the United Church ofChrist in Minneapolis, Minnesota. 12 Open Hand DOING THEOLOGY Some Personal Perspectives Making Our Own Doors by Douglas Federhart T he old neighborhood is no longer; rve been back, driven the streets of my Iowa hometown-streets familiar now only in name and memory. The houses look smaller, shabbier-30 years' weather took a hard toll. Dutch elm disease decimated what was once the canopy of trees that arched over the long slope of West 19th Street. And out beyond myoId house, the dirt road smothers now under a thick blanket of concrete. The hilltop that used to be my private mountain of wild grasses, sumac, and mayflowers-the entire bulk of earth is gone, flattened to a buildable terrain, the dirt now doing duty in some landfill, who knows where? There's no perfume as sweet as an Iowa summer's eve, just after dusk when the air releases the last of its daytime heat, the grass even smeUing green as the dew gathers. For my little group and me, these were the hours to "spy" : lights just on in darkening kitchens, mothers at the windows putting away the last of the supper dishes, dads in the circle of light from living room lamps, alone at last with the Sioux City Journal. Then my friends and I would creep like would-be burglars across the thick lawns, drawing as close as we dared to the window sills, and what we'd steal would be looks in on other people's lives. And ifsomeone would turn our direction-did they hear our shushing noises through the open screen?-we'd dash away as ifour lives depended on a fast escape. I suppose my friends moved on years ago to other games, grown-ups' games, and left behind that childhood stuff. But even now, at 41, I walk down nighttime streets and steal glances into other people's windows, other people's lives, and long for some imagined normalcy. For even as that boy those many years ago, I sensed my differentness, already beginning to know that I did not fit what other people assumed was "the way things should be." Not until my late teens did I have words to describe that differentness-and then, the words were crude and harsh, an affront to how I would describe myself. On the outside looking in: that is perhaps the one universal in the experience of growing up gay or lesbian. Most of us "know" so early, and most of us, out of terror and societally induced shame, keep it secret for so long. I reached my emotional and spiritual showdown comparatively early-at 16, I spoke the words "I think I may be homosexual" to my parents and altered the course of my life from then on. Not that that statement was anything more than the beginning of the process: coming out is lifelong-ajourney only completed at our de,ath. Spring 1991 13 Being gay or lesbian is a life of straddling two culturesthat of dominant society with all its assumptions and often oppressive attitudes~ and that of the counterculture of gay life~ of seeing the world from the outside~ from the country of the dispossessed. I don~t mean this as a negative image. I am grateful for the gift of this "double vision~" and I value this ability to question deeply that being gay can bring. Questioning matters of sexuality has long been necessary to my survival as a human being~ and it seems that once I began asking those questions (discovering that the assumptions of mainstream society didn~t work for me) ~ the door was flung open to asking all sorts of other questions as well. Was the world the way my parents said~ the way our neighbors and our church painted it? The social upheaval of the 1970s was the backdrop for my life as a young gay man. Along with so many people~ I discarded much of what had been held sacred by the generations before me. In the midst of all that~ church and religion went by the wayside. And~ like so many others at the time~ I began experimenting with alcohol and drugs~ and found there effects I grew to love and depend on: namely~ "better living through chemistry" to soften the pain of the alienation I had felt for so long. Paradoxically ~ as I took part in the raucous liberation of the growing gayllesbian movement~ I became subtly yet thoroughly chained to alcohol. Through it all~ never had I any awareness that there was a God operating in the Universe. I relate these things because they are integral to how I now "do theology." I am firmly planted in the camp whose methodology starts with experience-what is my life experience~ and~ out of that~ what do I think I know about God? Nearly a decade ago~ on a spiritual retreat~ I heard Matthew Fox reclaim the word humility. He did a quick word-study with us~ pointing out that the root of the word is the Latin humus, meaning "earth." Therefore, to be humble probably has something to do with being "of the earth." I extend that by saying that humility is the state of knowing who we are, of being deeply in touch with our roots and the very personal ground in which we are planted. My experience, then, includes this proclivity for irreverence: I take very little on faith, and I ask questions about any sort of theological assumption that other people take for granted. I tend to mistrust creeds and dogmas. Ifsomething is not plain and within the grasp of anyone's understanding, then I say itis unnecessarily clouded. Keeping people in the dark may be a means to a sort of power, but it seems to me dishonest and I don't accept it as a way of doing theology. For instance, to say God is Love is a remarkably simple statement, Sunday-school simple. But it has a childlike quality that speaks to me, that rings of a certain truth. This is what I look for, then, in theology: what is the heart of the matter, what is simple and direct? And what is congruent with my life experience? My being gay has entailed another experience, too-that of being, in a spiritual sense, an orphan. As I grew ever further into my coming out, I came to realize that my family of origin, my blood family, was not the place where I received the kind of nurturing I needed as a gay man. I had to become, in effect, an orphan to fmd new ways of defming and creating family for myself. In my first years away at college, when I was first active in discarding traditional social expectations, I discovered in my new gay and lesbian friends the brothers and sisters I did not have growing up ......... ' ... )~..~~I,.~.~#~>t;'~~.4",~~....!'~... !-t.oS ~~~, '"1."'''(-.".,.., • •:~:..,:.!{\::.}.~.t.:···:~·r;.......r...~~.·':.iJ·l'., ~,:~~J","""t!\t;t'..:\>~'~ ·\·';·~"·"\a : •• 0 .. .. .... ••• • • I' : ..... -:,'.. '*, :. '0 ~.. .' • • ..... I." .', 1, ... 1. I ... • , o •• 0 : ", :.' ~ .. ' • .' ' , ~. :'~":' :'. ~" , , : :. 0 , ... " ....... " I" ,'-,'. .....,'.: ,-.. . .. :...... '. . ... · ' .................. '. ' .. .. . • " '."I' •• :.. ..,' '0 • • '. '. to .' ,':'. .. • ,I .',.. :. • •••••0 .. .. ..,'.. .. ... ..... . . . .' • I, '.. ••••• • •. : •• ". .. .... ,. I' " . .. " .... to -..... " ........................... 1# •• _ ................... '. ' .......... " ... . (my biological brother remains in deep ways a stranger to me). And, in recent years especially, I have come to lean heavily on my gayllesbian family, often seeking solace in their arms over losses and griefs-so many deaths-which· my original family understands only in a perfunctory way. I criticize traditional churches on this point: the theology that church should be so structured around the "traditional" idea of family and its values. So much of that time when I felt on the outside looking in was time when I saw in my childhood church those apparently perfect families with those apparently "normal" children. I had no models of alternatives-if there were other gay people in that church (and there almost certainly were), the atmosphere was such that none ever dared let themselves be truly known-unless it was by scandal. My loneliness and bewilderment were only deepened at church. I ronically, the spirituality that today most nurtures and sustains me came to me totally outside the Church. It was through my recovery from alcoholism that I first encountered an extremely pragmatic spiritual program----.:.one grounded in the concept of unconditional love, call that love "higher power" or God or Goddess or any name that has personal meaning. In my Congregational upbringing, spirituality had been something we never talked about, and it was a revelation to me to be encouraged in an intimate, personal relationship with God as I understood God. This approach was my salvationespecially because I had the freedom to fmd what would work for me and, above all, to question and tryout new things. For the first time in my life~ I realized I had the power to think deeply, to meditate~ and to be open to experiencing the presence of God personally. The remarkable transformation was manifold. First, I moved from the position of standing at some institution's Open Hands 14 J:fi~:rf::":";(~r.~ .. .. :... .. . ... . ....... ~~jt;;',':<:\\:\f~J ..... ' .... :::~'(/>' \.? }~~~J~l{f~'':.:.. ............. .......................................... : ~~~.~~.:.!: iron door~ beseeching to be let in~ to the powerful position of creating my own door and stepping into the embrace of my own community. Second~ I found I could make my own family and define for myself what kinds of ties I felt with friends and mentors-brothers~ sisters~ aunts~ uncles~ mothers~ and fathers. And~ lastly~ I realized a Universal Power~ a force I call God~ which is Unconditional Love~ the Source of Justice and the Giver of Liberation. I am back in church~ though the community is far from traditional. I fmd I fit best in a primarily lesbian/gay congregation. (Another irony: this worship family is part of the United Church of Christ~ leading me full circle to my childhood roots.) And~ though I went to seminary~ trained for the ministry~ and earned my mastees degree~ I found out that theology is not strictly the property of ""professionar~ theologians; rather ~ every one of us who examines our life in relationship to how we understand God is a theologian. Now that I have said all this ~ one thing strikes me. I refer a number of times to being nontraditional~ to standing outside the mainstream. But now I feel the urge to ask~ ""Was Christianity ever envisioned to be a "mainstream~ movement?'~ Perhaps it will always be those of us at the outer limits~ the ""fringe~~~ who model for other s how to make their own doors and hence become the vehicles of transformation. Ifthis be one of the purposes my life might serve~ then truly there is grace to be so used." Douglas F ederhart received his master ofdivinity degree from United Theological Seminary ofthe Twin Cities in 1984. For five years, he was an advocatefor the homeless at a churchsponsored shelter. He "retired"from that ministry afew years ago, and now operates a housecleaning service and writes fICtion. Spring 1991 God Loves Me by Donna Jones As a lesbian~ I have experienced the institutional church as a source of great pain and even rejection. On the other hand~ it was in my small hometown church in rural Virginia that I came to understand myself as a lesbian and a Christian and to know where my own ministry should lie. It was my home church that I fmally came back to after years of mistrust and fear. Of course~ I tried not to get involved-I was going only to please my family-but one day my father asked me to teach an adult Sunday school class. I decided to try it. It worked~ and everybody began to encourage me. Eventually ~ I became one of the primary adult teachers and also a lay speaker. Now~ what does all this have to do with spirituality and theology? First~ the success I had in delivering messages of inclusion for all people in God~s house made me know that God loved me and had a plan for me. Second~ because I shared so much of my own life experience in my teaching (although not yet my lesbianism)~ I began to realize that the only way we can truly experience God is to openly share our lives with others. Lastly~ it helped me create my own images of the trinity and how the traditional ""Father~ Son~ and Holy Spirie~ played out in my own life. ""God loves me~~ is probably the most simple and personal theological statement ever made~ but it was the most important one for me as a lesbian to understand. Homosexuality had been presented as the worst possible sin. The fact that the word homosexuality was never even mentioned only served to emphasize how bad it really was to be ""funny" or ""queer." As a young person in the church~ everything told me it was wrong to be gay: Being uneducated in biblical translation~ I believed the Scriptures told me it was wrong; the tradition of my church told me it was wrong; and reason told me that society would reject me because it was wrong. The only thing that told me it was right was my experience (what little I had). Based on the messages I received about how wrong and wicked my feelings were~ I truly believed that God loved me only when I denied those feelings. The problem was I couldn~t always suppress them. Much of the time I felt God couldn~t possibly love me. As I grew older~ experience became more important to me and the church less important. Mter all~ I reasoned~ God didn~t love me anyway~ so why bother? Feeling that I was without God~s love when I needed it so badly~ I developed a negative self image and became self-destructive. I prayed for change but none came. I was so afraid of rejection that I would have done anything to avoid it~ and I was constantly trying to run away and hide~ yet couldn~t find any place where I truly belonged. Finally~ when everything came crashing down around me~ I realized that I had to be content with myself as a lesbian and a good person~ even if that meant that church and God had no place in my life. When I came back to my home church~ I had lost all hope that I would ever have a real relationship with God. Then to my surprise~ my involvement in the church seemed to inspire other people. My sharing of some of my stories seemed to get through to people. Suddenly~ I was fmding a gift that God had surely given me~ and yet I knew that I was 15 a lesbian. To me this could only mean one thing, God loved me! I had fmally come home and found peace. With the overwhelming realization that God could love and use me, I became aware of a need to bring my two worlds together-the gay/lesbian world and the Christian world. How could I do this? Perhaps the only way is sharing. It was through sharing my own life experiences that I had learned that God loved me. Since that beginning, I have learned that this sharing means opening ourselves up to each other, giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Itmeans sharing our pain and our secrets as well as our joys. It means trusting one another and being openminded and nonjudgmental. What do lesbians and gay men have to share? Of course, we have the same gifts and graces that others have. In addition, most of us have experienced a deep sense of alienation from God, the church, and society which allows us to identify with others who are oppressed. Christ's story of oppression, shared throughout the ages, is one that ends in hope and joy. As a lesbian, I have been oppressed, but I have hope, and that needs to be shared. In sharing my experiences, I also need to share my understanding of God in all three forms. Like most people, I grew up with the traditional trinity of "Father, Son, and Holy Spirit," and I still have trouble changing to different, gender-inclusive words. I have realized, however, that I have never taken the traditional expressions literally. For me, "God the Father" has always been reflected in my father's hands, strong and gentle; my mother's smile, warm and caring; amI my grandmother's voice, wise and understanding. A God more concerned with love and justice than with fear and power. A God who wants us to be who we are, not a figment of society's imagination. A God who loves all people no matter who they are, not just society's elite. When I think of "Jesus the Son," I think of a kindred soul, a person who associated with every type of person. I think of a brother who would be proud to have a lesbian or gay man for a sister or brother (perhaps even marching in Gay Pride Day celebrations). I also think of a "rebel with a cause." I identify with Christ and sometimes look to him as the leader of all social justice movements. The Holy Spirit, to me, is a sister, a companion on life's road, the Sustainer. She marches with me at Gay Pride Day. She cries with me when I have been rejected or hurt because of my lesbianism. She laughs with me at my Holy Union. She rejoices in the strength I have and applauds my love for women. She is my "forever friend." My theology is not wrapped up in theories and books. It is a personal experience of God, a personal sharing with God's people, and a knowledge that God loves all that I am. This is my story, my way of dealing with God, my hope for all people to come together and celebrate their differences as well as their similarities with the God I love. T Donna Jones is systems manager for the Federation of Parents and Friends ofLesbians and Gays (P-FLAG) and a lay member ofDumbarton United Methodist Church, a Reconciling Congregation in Washington, D.C. Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality by Gloria B. Soliz L esbians, gay men, and bisexuals who consider themselves practicing Christians frequently wrestle with the question, "How does our participation in the institutional church and our sexuality fit together?" Unfortunately, much of the time we compartmentalize by staying sexually closeted in our Christian community and spiritually closeted in our sexual communities. Instinctively, we know our faith and sexual orientation are both integral parts of who we are as children of God, yet we can wonder if it is possible to integrate our spiritual and sexual selves and continue to be active in our worshipping communities. The institutional church often answers this question with diametrically opposing answers, yes and no. Within the United Methodist Church (UMC), for example, the Social Principles affirm that we, like heterosexuals, are "individuals of sacred worth," while the Book ofDiscipline simultaneously declares that "self-avowed practicing homosexuals" are not to be ordained. Positions like this can make it hard for lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals in the church to have integrated experiences as fully sexual and spiritual selves. This can even be the case when one is part of a more supportive spiritual community such as a Reconciling Congregation or an Mfirmation group. I responded to God's call to ordained ministry and came out to myself as a lesbian simultaneously, bringing an incredible burst of energy and joy. The journey began, but I had no idea how my coming out and my call to ordained ministry would fit together within the homophobia of the church in which I had been born and reared. I just knew that discovering my sexual identity and my call to ordained ministry were both gifts from God. I lived the life of a closeted United Methodist clergyperson for four years. During those years, the UMC adopted the Disciplinary language explicitly denying ordination and appointment to "self-avowed practicing homosexuals." Over time, the pain of this decision became excruciating, as my identity as a clergywoman and my sexual identity each became compartmentalized. The stress of this lifestyle caused me to die a little each day. In the midst of all the stress, the cover-up, and the lying, is it any wonder that my theological development became stifled? My studies in seminary and my work in my pastorates became a means of justification by works to make up for my sexual identity. The Board of Ordination did not have to beg the question overtly or covertly. I had internalized the oppressive and threatening situation well. I was held captive by my own fear, which eventually became self destructive. In the end, I was forced to resign in the face of being discontinued. The reasons given were that I was,theologically inarticulate and had an aversion to authority. In hindsight, I can see that in my state of mind there was no healthy integration of my sexual orientation with my ministry. My lifestyle and my theology did not have a chance to mature in the warped and convoluted sin of the United Methodist Church. The board's appraisal of my having an aversion to authority was not clear to me. If they Open Hands meant that I had an aversion to the authority of God in my life, they were right. I was not being faithful in the deepest sense. Ifthey meant that I had an aversion to their authority, yes, this is probably also true. But I refuse to accept a totally negative connotation of an aversion to this authority. As a working-class woman of Hispanic descent, I would mostly likely never have entered-let alone graduated from-college or gone on to seminary. In the midst of the sin of racism and sexism, I have continued to be compelled by a desire for an intimacy with God. In my journey, I have made plenty of miscalculations and mistakes in this realm of sin, yet God continues to offer forgiveness and grace. Over two years ago, I accepted a position in Christian education with a United Church of Christ. My immediate reason for taking the job was fmancial, but, as I talked with a clergy friend from seminary, I also recognized the importance of a continued professional ministry within the church. Then it became clear that I might be putting myself in another compromising situation. The next day I made an appointment with the church's pastor, so that I could come out to him. I was prepared to resign ifhe had any objections to my lesbianism. Obviously, the pastor was accepting of me, since I am going into my third year on the staff. A lthough it is not necessary for me to make an issue of my sexual orientation, it has become more important for me to be open and honest when opportunities present themselves to deepen relations with parishioners and friends. It has been a blessing to have the new experience of providing professional Christian leader-. ship without having my sexual orientation constantly threatening my ministry. I know that God has forgiven me for hiding a part of myself and I have begun to forgive myself. I am still seeking the path that will lead to greater integration of my spirituality and sexuality in my ministry. In the meantime, I have begun to fmd peace. My last six years have been filled with depression and grieving. However, through family, friends, and my Christian brothers and sisters in Mfirmation, God's healing power also has been at work in my life. Perhaps the most significant source of healing in my life has come from the love of a special woman. I understand this new love as a precious gift of hope from God. Whether or not the UMC and other denominations ever resolve their institutionalized conflicts, we who are God's lesbian, gay, and bisexual children are called by Godindividually and collectively-to integrate our lives. As people of faith, we cannot remain conflicted and compromising regarding our Christian faith and our sexuality. Ours is a higher calling to our full humanity in Christ. Our love-making informs our theological understanding of a loving and compassionate God. We cannot settle for anything less than being fully sexual and fully spiritual children of this God of love.T Gloria B. Soliz, M.Div., is coordinator ofchildren and youth ministries at First Congregational Church in San Francisco, an Open and Affirming Congregation. She is also a health educator with Lyon-Martin Women 's Health Services in San Francisco. Spring 1991 My Cup Runneth Over by R.S. Unwja L esbians are Sunday school teachers, chairs of women's groups, committee members, pastors of congregations. Yet we continually hear that God loves us but hates our ""lifestyle." We watch as some of our sister clergy come out, are removed from their congregations or never granted ordination. We listen to whispers of condemnation about the ""two friends" who sit in the rear pew and leave immediately after services. Our childhood God despises homosexuals; our church family denies our very existence; our traditional theology openly condemns us; our denominations and churches believe we are sick individuals who choose to alienate ourselves from God by refusing to ask for forgiveness for our sinful ways. This is my experience, from the heart of a wounded Christian lesbian, unable and unwilling to relinquish my Christianity, looking for an overflowing cup in the midst of a seemingly endless drought. Over the years, my reflections. my stunted spiritual growth, and my weariness at working so hard to be part of-indeed a leader of-a denomination that has not accepted me, called me to step away from it. Doing so has led me on an inward journey, striving to fmd the theology of fullness for which I long. Contemplating the times in my life when I have felt spiritually whole, when I have felt God's love filling me to overflowing, I recall the tender embrace of my lover. My own experience confirms what Carter Heyward and Virginia Mollencott discuss in books and lectures: that it is through relationships, intimate friendships, and lover relationships that we can experience God's love at work in our lives. Together, my lover and I have seen God's gentleness in our most intimate moments, God's compassion when we comfort one another. Itis through the joys and pains of this relationship that I have felt God's spirit entwined with my own, filling me with unconditional love. Throughout the Scriptures, this idea of the sanctity of relationships is a strong theme. Jesus' intimate friendships and his parables reveal how God's love for us can be experienced through the love of another, whether an intimate friend or a stranger. God chose to become human to teach us how to relate to God and God to us. Especially significant for lesbians is the story of Ruth and Naomi-a story of love between two women, through which they learn the power and life-changing excitement of a constant yet evolving God. We who are lesbians need to believe that our lover and friend relationships are sacred, that the way we interact with one another is precious'to God, that our most intimate relationships deserve to be developed, nurtured, and cherished, not only by ourselves, but by our church family. Itis also time to gather, to share our journeys toward spiritual wholeness, to acknowledge our presence and intentional worship, to reclaim Jesus' theology of relationships in all aspects of our lives, including Christian worship and rituals. For it is through our love that we may be filled to overflowing with the presence of God.T R. S. Umoja is an ordained United Methodist clergywoman using a pen name in compliance with her bishop's request. 17 Sustaining the Spirit A Eucharistic Liturgy Bill Plieseis and Dan Geslin Dan Geslin F F Gm --J JIJ F :I r Fl p) C3 r 0::1 PEOPLE : CELEBRANT: CELEBRANT: Yah -weh's spir -it now is with you! And Sbe al-so is witb you! Let us give God praise and glo -ry! It's a rigbt, good tbing to do! PE OPLE: God of life and lib -er -a -tion, we now ga -tber in your name. Bring your praise and gay thanks· giv. ing, and your prom.ise we pro· claim. Gm7 Om OmOm J 3I J j In F1 !pIJ a -ver wa -ters void and deep, Did your spir-it bring forth na -ture and from earth you gave us birth. CANTOR-When the sky down· poured the wa -ters, and the earth was drowned in pain, In the ark you saved us, era -died in your prom -ise: born a -gain. CELEBRANT: Out of noth -ing -ness and cha -as, Gm FF Gm F ~~ J J r-g n 1j j 1fl in n 1J 1U cJ fl l F riA i7J n 1J :11 PEOPlE: Then you breatbed in • to our nos· trils-breatb of life and light 01' mind -You cre· a • ted in your im· age, eacb of us your im· age still. PEOPLE: In tbat sky you put a rain· bow, to re· mind us ev· er· more That life comes In maD -y col-ors and your love's for ev -'I)' • one. I' Bb/G F/A F/G F Bp/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F n 19 Fj n I 3 J R. J n 3 J r a F1 n I 3 J FJ. 3• II 1 1 ~ II: Fl CANTOR' Next through A -bra -ham and Sa -rah, old of age and sex -less then, You birthed us an end -less prom -ise -we, your peo -pie, you our God. CANTOR: God of life and lib -er -a -tion; you have called us each by name, So we dance our gay thanks -giv -ing and your prom -ise we pro -claim! Om Om A7 Om J 3 J J 3I J j I n p) FJ I j. CELEBRANT: When you heard our groans and sor -rows in the chains of sla· ver -y, With a might. y love you saved us; set us free for lib -er -!y. CANTOR Through your psalm -ists and your pro -phets, men and wo -men, young and old, You re-vealedyourWord a· mongus, Godofloveand notof stone. F Gm c7 F I n iJ J J I J PEOPLE' Mo • ses led us t'ward your prom -ise, Mir -iam led us in your dance; eel· e -bra . ling, lib· er -a -tion, We con -tin -ue now tbat dance. :I PEOPLE Once a -gain in great op -pres -sion, wben tbe time was full and right, Ma -ry, young, still in -de -pen· dent, sbe your lov -er birtbed your Word. Om Gm7 Om A7 Om 1 J J P ) n I j. I n A n I J j J J 3I J j 13 JJ1rplJ I'~ J J 3 CANTOR: Je -sus healed and taught a -mong us, shared our strug -gles and our joys, Felt the pain of hu -man bon -dage, preached the way of your sha -10m. 18 Open Hands F Gm c' A7 F Gm c7 1& b a J ra R ia J IHlda 1,1 IODiRlr r IArEa J ~. PEOPLE: Out of fear they'd lose their pow· er if we peo. pie fol· lowed him, Pa • tri· archs and em· pire ru· lers plot· ted then, and now, Christ's end. Dm Gm7 Dm A7 Dm I' b I: J J £J n IJ j I]J p) a la. IJEJ;4 B id J I J J r1 J15 1 J :1 CELEBRANT. On the night be -fore they killed him, he took bread and gave you thanks, Break -ing it he said "my bod· y, " ask -ing "please re • mem -ber me. CELEBRANT Af-ter sup -per in the same way Je -sus took the pro -phet's cup, Blest it, passed it on, he asked us, "drink of the new cov . e · nan!." c7 A7 c7 Gm F Gm ""'I' ~ a J rn a lJ J In J1£J IJ lE3cJ R lr Jj n IJ. II ~ PEOPLE: We pro· claim the death of Je . sus, but Christ's res· ur • rec • tion too; Though they tl)' to kill your prom· ise, still Christ lives and lib· er • ates! F Bb/G F/A F/G Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F ~ !!iii; LO .q.....:::: J I'b I A IJ J Inn. d J JIB ro Pj n IJ J fJ. J I IJ CANTOR: God of love and lib· er • a -tion, we're Christ's bod· Y in your name! With our lives of gay thanks -giv • ing we your prom· ise do pro· claim! • Om Gm' Om Om A' ~ J JJ JIJj ~ 17) Ella. Im;4 a id J I £J r1iplJ CE LEBRANT Christ breaks bread with those who hun -ger and shares drink with those who thirst, And to those who know op • pres· sian, gives your prom· ise of re . birth. A7 F Gm c' F Gm c' I'b a J i7J fl l aJ In ;4 n I J 10 c:::J FJ lr r IDmaJIJ. ~ PEOPlE: At this cov -e .. nan • tal ta -ble we your prom -ise now re • tum; We will share with those who hun · ger, we will set the cap' tives free! F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F/A F/G F Bb/G F I' bfI: FJ I n J. SF] J J In J J. J J Jln 19 Po filJ J Fl. J I :1 CELEBRANT· At this ta . ble all are wei· come: God's good gifts for you are free. Bread of life, cup of sal . va . lion, feast of grace for you and me. PEOPlE On this day of res -ur· rec • tion we will sing and dance and play, For our God of lib -er . a • tlon is a -live in us to -.day! PEOPlE· AI -Ie • lu -ia! Christ Is ris • en! AI Ie I. ia! Christ's a • live! AI Ie lu • la! feel the spir· it! AI • Ie -lu -ia with· out end! PEOPlE AI • Ie -lu -la! Christ Is ris • en! AI -Ie • I. • la! Christ's a -live! AI • Ie • lu -la! feel the spir· it! AI • Ie • lu -ia and A -men! Writtenfor Easter 1990 at Spirit ofthe Lakes Community Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota © 1990 Dan Geslin and BiU Plieseis. AU Rights Reserved. Spring 1991 19 ----------------------------------- --- forw ard~ we see that vict •ving made the journey~ ,.ronl"J'Ir71:ayllesbian congregation in San Francisco Our Table Prayer Holy Spirit~ birth is a beginning and death a destination. Life is a journey: from childhood to maturity and youth to age; from innocence to awareness and ignorance to knowing; from foolishness to discretion and then~ perhaps ~ to wisdom; from weakness to str ength back again ; from health to sic some high stage ~ in love 20 Open Hands Resources LJ . LESBIAN/GAY THEOLOGYGENERAL EXPLORATION Fortunato, John E. Emhracing the Exile: Healing Journeys of Gay Christians. New York: Seabury, 1982. Explores the interaction of sexuality and spirituality and the invitation to growth that lesbian/gaylbisexual experiences of "exile" can present. Heyward, Carter. Touching Our Strength: The Erotic as Power and the Love of God. San Francisco: Harper, 1989. The openly lesbian Episcopal priest and theologian explores the "re-imaging" of sex and of God as sparks that empower people in relationship. Probes "the Sacred" or "divine terrain" through sexual experience and attempts "to give voice to an embodied-sensual-relational movement among women and men who explore our sexualities as a liberating resource." Nelson, James B. Embodiment: An Approach to Sexuality and Christian Theology. Minneapolis: Augsburg, . 1978. Between Two Gardens: Reflection on Sexuality and Religious Experience. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1983. Classic works on the interrela~ tionship of human sexuality, including homosexuality, with Christian spiritual experience. Stemmeler, Michael L., and Clark, J. Michael, eds. Constructing Gay Theology. Las Colinas, Texas: Monument Press, 1991. The contributors to this booklet explore the problems of unapologetically constructing gay male theology. Thomas M. Thurston analyzes existing approaches toward a particularly gay theology, J. Michael Clark sets parameters for such a theology, and E. Michael Gorman examines the relationship of religion and spirituality to other aspects of gay culture. John J. McNeill provides a response to all three papers. LESBIAN/GAY THEOLOGYPERSONAL PERSPECTIVES Boyd, Malcolm. Gay Priest: An Inner Journey. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1986. The well-known openly gay Episcopal priest shares his personal spiritual journey. Especially moving are his lengthy meditations on images of "God the Lover" and "Christ the Runner." Spring 1991 Glaser, Chris. Come Home! Reclaiming Spirituality and Community as Gay Men and Lesbians. San Francisco: Harper, 1990. Presents a vision of faith, hope, and affirmation that invites gay men and lesbians to come home to their spirituality through Christian faith and community. Written not only for gay men and lesbians, but also for others seeking to benefit from gay spirituality and ministry. Hull, Gloria T.; Scott, Patricia Bell; and Smith, Barbara. But Some of Us Are Brave: Black Women's Studies. Old Westbury, N.Y.: Feminist Press, 1982. Black women (including lesbians) discuss such topics as racism, Black feminism, and theology. McNaught, Brian. On Being Gay: Thoughtson Family, Faith, and Love. New York: St. Martin's Press, 1988. Valuable reflections on developing honest relationships with oneself, with others, and with God. Mud Flower Collective. God's Fierce Whimsey. Carter Heyward, ed. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1985. Black, Hispanic, and White women-a mixture of working class, feminists, theologians, and ethicists-address classism, racism, sexism, and homophobia through perspectives of Christian feminist theology. Zanotti, Barbara, ed. A Faith of One's Own: Explorations by Catholic Lesbians. Trumansburg, N.Y.: The Crossing Press, 1986. Stories of lesbians raised as Catholic both exemplify those women's sufferings and illustrate their brave and creative quests for meaningful spiritual life. Discusses the varieties of Catholic lesbian faith-faith as a womancentered response to the world springing from the passion of loving women and trusting one's energies to the values inspired by lesbian existence. OTHER LIBERATION · THEOLOGIES Several varieties ofliberation theology have emerged over the past two decades or so. These theologies often emerge • from the experience ofan oppressed • group. As such, they may be models for a distinctively lesbian/gay theology. Following are afew examples: Cone, James H. God of the Oppressed. New York: Seabury, 1975. Speaking the Truth: Ecumenism, Liberation, and Black Theology. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Eerdmans, 1986. Two of several books by one of the leading proponents ofMrican American liberation theology. In God ofthe Oppressed, Cone argues that "one's social and historical context decides not only tIle qQ.estio~s we address to God but also the mode or the form of the answers to the questions." In Speaking the Truth, Cone demonstrates that liberation is an inclusive element of the entire Christian faith, as well as an aspiration of all oppressed peoples. Dussel, Enrique. Philosophy of Liberation. Maryknoll, N.Y.: Orbis Books, 1985. Dussell-an Argentinean philosopher, theologian, and ethicistexamines the alienation of the world's poor and proposes "thinking the world" from their perspective as a means toward creating a just world order. Gutierrez, Gustavo. A Theology of Liberation: History, Politics, and Salvation. rev. ed. Maryknoll, N. Y. : Orbis Books, 1988. Gutierrez, a Peruvian, describes this book in the introduction as "an attempt at reflection, based on the Gospel and the experiences of men and women committed to the process of liberation, in the oppressed and exploited land of Latin America" in which he "reconsider[s] the great themes of the Christian life" from the perspective of "a commitment which seeks to become more radical, total, and efficacious." Harrison, Beverly W. , ed. Making the Connections: Essays in Feminist Social Ethics. Boston: Beacon, 1985. Essays on the connections between various forms of oppression and how that relates to the theological task. Some essays deal specifically with heterosexism in Christian theology. Tutu, Desmond. Hope and Suffering: Sermons and Speeches. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Eerdmans, 1985. The Nobel Peace Prize-winning South Mrican bishop expounds his faith and certainty that liberation will eventually come to South Mrica because the God of liberation is working with and for South Mricans in their struggle. Especially noteworthy are five sermons on "Liberation as a Biblical Theme." 21 Rep Report Welcome to Our 49th RC-Third Avenue Community Church (Columbus, Ohio) The Reconciling Congregation Program (RCP) recently welcomed its 49th Reconciling Congregation. Reborn from a disbanded congregation and boarded-up building, Third Avenue Community Church is, indeed, a symbol of the resurrection. Three years ago some community and church leaders with an "alternative" vision began an experimental congregation in the building of the former Third Avenue UMC. The new congregation is a chartered UMC congregation and an affiliated Episcopal congregation. Third Avenue Community's 50 members have been attracted to the congregation because of its commitment to social justice issues. The congregation has a strong community outreach program. A monthly "community days" dinner draws 100 to 150 persons from the neighborhood. The congregation is active in AIDS ministry and sponsors a community recycling program. In addition, the congregation houses several community-based nonprofit groups. ******* While the RCP is primarily a local church-based program, its commitment to inclusiveness continues to be embraced by other UMC groups. The Baltimore Conference Committee on HIV/AIDS Ministries declared itself a "Reconciling Committee" this past winter and states its commitment to reconciling ministries in its resource materials. RCP Board MeetsEvangelism Top Priority The Board of Directors of the Reconciling Congregation Program held its semiannual meeting in February in Atlanta, Georgia. The 17-member board, comprised of members of Reconciling Congregations, Reconciling Conferences, and Mfirmation, affirmed that the 92 in '92 campaign (to enlist 92 RCs by the end of 1992) continues to be its top priority. The board authorized the development of new resources to assist congregations studying the RCP and implemented strategies to nurture these prospective RCs. In other business, the board: • adopted a plan for an RCP witness at the 1992 General Conference of the UMC; • provided information and support for churches regarding lesbian/gay covenant services; • adopted a budget for the coming year; • fmalized terms of a ""separation agreement" with Mfirmation; • postponed until August a proposal to add ""bisexual persons" to the RCP purpose statement to allow further study by board members and RCs; • authorized hiring a part-time program assistant in September 1991. Additional information on the RCP board meeting and ongoing RCP program development is available in the bimonthly RCP newsletter. Ifyou do not currently receive this newsletter and would like to be more informed about the RC movement contact the RCP office (202/863-'1586) and ask to be put on the RCP newsletter mailing list. Novel RC Promotion in Oregon Metanoia Peace Community, a Reconciling Congregation in Portland, Oregon, has launched a campaign to have 1,000 United Methodists in Oregon and Idaho declare their willingness to be part of a new RC. Metanoia is distributing buttons saying "I would be proud to be a member of a Reconciling Congregation" to a key supporter in 100 congregations in the conference. This person, in turn, will enlist at least 10 other persons in that congregation to wear the button in worship on one or more Sundays in April and May. Study Committee Considers Changing UMC Policy-Draws Reaction The UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality considered proposals and recommendations to be included in its final report during its February meeting. The proposal, which drew widespread interest, was to change the statement in the UMC Social Principles that currently reads: ""we do not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching." The proposed new statement reads, in its entirety: ""We acknowledge with humility that the Church has been unable to arrive at a common mind on the compatibility of homosexual practice with Christian faith. Many consider the practice incompatible with Christian teaching. Many believe it acceptable when practiced in a context of human caring and covenantal faithfulness. The present state of knowledge in the relevant disciplines does not provide a satisfactory basis upon which the Church can responsibly maintain a specific prohibition of homosexual 22 Open Hands practice. The Church seeks further understanding through continued prayer, study and pastoral experience. In doing so, the Church continues to affirm that God's grace is bestowed upon all and that the members of Christ's body are called to be in ministry for and with one another, and to the world." This statement was supported by 17 members of the committee in a nonbinding, preference vote. Four members opposed the statement in favor of retaining the present "incompatible" language. Since this statement was designed to be a compromise, reports of it expectedly drew dissent from both sides of the debate. The progressive Methodist Federation for Social Action said that the statement did not go far enough to welcome lesbians and gay men as full-fledged United Methodists. The conservative "Good News" caucus attacked the committee for considering changing the church's current policy. Mfirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns issued a statement saying, in part: "nothing less than an unqualified affirmation and invitation to full participation in all aspects of church life is acceptable. Committee members may compromise their opinions in the hope of gaining approval for a recommendation. Lesbians, gay men, and bisexual persons have learned... that compromising our identity is too high a price to pay." The committee will fmalize its report at its August 22-25 meeting and present its report to the General Council on Ministries in September. The General Council will then decide what and how to report to the 1992 General Conference. Ifyou are interested in providing thoughts or feedback to the committee before it completes its work, you can send correspondence to: UMC Study Committee on Homosexuality, clo C. David Lundquist, GCOM, 601 W. Riverview Avenue, Dayton, OH 45406. Spring 1991 Cokesbury Story Follow-up Our story in the Fall 1990 issue, "Does Cokesbury Exclude Gayl Lesbian Books?" elicited a response from the Cokesbury store at GarrettEvangelical Seminary in Evanston, Illinois. A spokesperson from that store said that books on lesbian/gay spirituality are available and can be ordered from them. ClOUT-"Christian lesbians Out Together" A new movement to "empower lesbian Christian women and to challenge the churches to which they belong" was launched in February with a statement signed by 113 clergy and laywomen from the United States, Canada, and Europe. ""Christian Lesbians Out Together" (CLOUT) is an intercultural, multi- NOW AT racial group from 14 Christian denominations. ""While we realize the risks in coming out, we are aware of the risks involved in not coming out," says one of CLOUT's organizers, Irene Monroe, an Mrican-American doctoral student who has worked as a Presbyterian pastor. According to Monroe, ""CLOUT is based in the conviction that lesbian Christian women continue to be victims of spiritual abuse in churches which insist that lesbians and gay men remain either celibate or silent about their sexual activity." An initial international gathering of CLOUT is being planned for November 1991. For more information and/or to get on the group's mailing list, write: CLOUT, P.O. Box 758, Jamaica Plains, MA 02130. 50% OFF What local church leaders say about this video: " ... a deeply 11Wvingfilm helped me understand Gods love better." " ... definitely God s message ofreconciliation. " "...an excellent tool for engaging in genuine discussion. " Casting Out Fear Reconciling Ministries with Gay/Lesbian United Methodists Poignant stories from Reconciling Congregations that portray the pain and estrangement that lesbians and gay men feel in the church and the hope of reconciliation in the congregations. 38 mins. VHS. 1988. Free study guide with each order. Speakers include: Bishop Melvin Wheatley, Dr. Tex Sample, Dr. Emilie Townes. Purchase-$50 30-day rental-$20 Send your prepaid order to: Reconciling Congregation Program, P.O. Box 23636, Washington, D.C. 20026 23 ----------------------- ------------------------- Disciples Adopt "Open and • Upcoming National Gatherings Affirming" The interdenominational movement of congregations publicly welcoming lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons continues to expand with the beginning of an Open and Mfirming congregation program in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). Open and Mfirming began in 1985 as a program of the Vnited Church of Christ (VCC). Since the VCC and Disciples denominations are moving toward a merger or federation, the GLAD Alliance (the Disciples lesbian! gay group) also adopted the Open and Mfirming name and principles. Currently, seven congregations in the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ) are Open and Mfirming. The coordinators of the Disciples' Open and Mfirming program are Allen Harris (1010 Park Avenue, New York, NY 10028) and Lorie Rudel (4231 S. Lucille, Seattle, WA 98118). : June 4-12., Presbyteriansfor Lesbian/Gay Concerns will be present for the : Presbyterian General Assembly in Baltimore, Maryland. For information, write: : P.O. Box 38, New Brunwsick, NJ 08903. : June 9-16., Annual gathering of Seventh-Day Adventist Kinship International : at Menucha Camp, outside Portland, Oregon. For information, write: P .O. Box : 3840, Los Angeles, CA 90078. : June 23-26., National Gathering of the United Church Coalition for Lesbian/ : Gay Concerns preceding the V CC General Synod in Norfolk, Virginia. For : information, write: VCCUGC , 18 N. College, Athens, OH 45701, or call: 614/593• 730l. : July 4-7., Joint conference of Evangelicals Concerned Midwest and Western : regions in Denver, Colorado. For information, call 303/830-2823. : August 29-September I., National convention of Dignity/USA in Washing: ton, D.C. For information, write: Dignity/uSA, P.O. Box 29661, Washington, DC • 20017. · September 20-22., National meeting of Affirmation: United Methodists for • Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Concerns in Atlanta. For information, write: • Mfirmation, P.O. Box 1021, Evanston, IL 60204. · Oetober 11-14., Annual convention of the National Federation ofParents and • Friends ofLesbians and Gays (PFLAG) in Charlotte, North Carolina. For • information, write: Charlotte PFLAG, 5815 Charing Place, Charlotte, NC 2821l. · Oetober 25-27., Annual conference of Emergence International (Christian • Scientists) near Palm Springs, California. For information, write: P.O. Box 581, • Kentfield, CA 94914 or call: 415/485-188l. · Oetober 25-30., National gathering of GLAD Alliance (Disciples of Christ) in • conjunction with the General Assembly of the Christian Church (Disciples) in Tulsa, • Oklahoma. For information, write: P.O. Box 19223, Indianapolis, IN 46219-0223. Reconciling Congregations ARIZONA Tucson St. Francis in the Foothils CALIFORNIA Albany AlbanyUMC Berkeley Trinity UMC Fresno WesleyUMC Los Angeles United University Wilshire UMC Milpitas Sunnyhills UMC San Francisco Bethany UMC Calvary UMC Hamilton UMC Trinity UMC Santa Monica Church in Ocean Park Vacaville St. Paul's UMC West Hollywood Crescent Heights UMC COLORADO Denver St. Paul's UMC DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA Washington Christ UMC Dumbarton UMC GEORGIA Atlanta Grant Park-Aldersgate UMC ILLINOIS Chicago Albany Park UMC Irving Park UMC Parish of the Holy Covenant United Church of Rogers Park DeKalb University UMC Evanston Hemenway UMC Wheadon UMC Oak Park Euclid Avenue UMC WinflRld Winfield UMC KANSAS Mission ecumenikos LOUISIANA New Orleans St. Mark's UMC MARYLAND Baltimore St. John's UMC MINNESOTA Minneapolis Prospect Park UMC Walker Community UMC WesleyUMC MISSOURI Kansas City Kairos UMC NEW YORK Brooklyn Park Slope UMC New York Metropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC OHIO Columbus Third Avenue Community Church Toledo Central UMC OREGON Estacada Estacada UMC Portland Metanoia Peace Community PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia CalvaryUMC First UMC of Germantown TENNESSEE Nashville Edgehill UMC WASHINGTON Seattle Capitol Hill UMC Wallingford UMC WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC RECONCILING CONFERENCES California-Nevada New York Northern Illinois Troy RECONCILING COMMISSION General Commission on Christian Unity and Interreligious Concerns RECONCILING ORGANIZATION Methodist Federation for Social Action 24 Open Hands Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 6 No 4 - Living as God's Creation: Lesbian/Gay Reflections on Christian Theology https://exhibits.lgbtran.org/files/original/79b39db111f3dfec8d76550d6a04df31.pdf 2833867376c9b18d9fdd4876b8b39c15 Issue An issue of a recurring publication. Volume Number The volume number of the issue 7 Issue Number The number of the issue (within a volume) 1 Publication Year The year the issue was published 1991 Publication Date The date the issue was published Summer Dublin Core The Dublin Core metadata element set is common to all Omeka records, including items, files, and collections. For more information see, http://dublincore.org/documents/dces/. Title A name given to the resource Open Hands Vol 7 No 1 - Celebrating Our Sisters and Neighbors: Keeping the Lesbian Spirit Alive