J. Thomas George

I knew I was different long ago, but I didn’t want to be gay. Following graduation from college, I had my first sexual experience with a man. It was wonderful, but filled with guilt. According to my Lutheran tradition, sex before marriage was a “sin,” but if you enjoyed it, it was a SIN!

A clergy friend of my family had encouraged me to consider seminary after college, but I had resisted. However, the guilt from this first encounter was so great, I made a bargain with God: if God would forgive me, I would go to seminary.

The challenge of four years of seminary supported my denial. I got married determined to have a normal family life. I froze my emotions, except my sexual feelings, hoping to transfer them to my marriage relationship. A child born during my senior year locked the closet door. Denial prevailed. But soon marriage counseling began. I became a workaholic, trying to prove to myself through my career, hiding my orientation, avoiding a difficult marriage.

I had frozen my emotions at age 25, and now at 46, I was seeking liberation. I began attending men’s conferences. I met people who accepted me and validated my feelings of grief and loss. I told my wife I was gay.

Later I told our children of my struggle accepting being gay. We shared our decision to divorce and my decision to resign from the parish, as well as ministry. The painful process of grieving began in earnest.

Today, I attend St. Paul-Reformation Lutheran Church, St. Paul, where my tradition offers me ritual and a caring community. It is in the openness of this congregation, gathered around the table, that I find my spiritual needs nurtured and the Gospel proclaimed that I am saved by grace through faith!

Finally, I am accepted. I have a home. I continue to do ministry without my collar!

Originally a part of the collection of stoles housed by ReconcilingWorks (formerly known as Lutherans Concerned), this stole was donated by them to the Shower of Stoles Project in 2015.