Open Hands Vol 8 No 1 - Our Spirituality: How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It

Open Hands Vol 8 No 1 - Our Spirituality: How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It

8

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1992

Summer

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__ --~ --Reconciling Ministries with Lesbians and Gay Men
Vol. 8 No. 1 Summer 1992
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Open Hands is published quarterly
· by the Reconciling Congregation
: Program, Inc., as a resource for
· congregations and individuals seeking
· to be in ministry with lesbians and
· gay men. Each issue of Open Hands
· focuses on a particular area of
· concern related to gay men and
: lesbians within the church. The Reconciling Congregation · Program is a network of United · Methodist local churches that publicly · affirm their ministry with the whole · family of God and welcome lesbians : and gay men into their community of · faith. In this network, Reconciling · Congregations find strength and support as they strive to overcome
· the divisions caused by prejudice and
· homophobia in our church and in our society. Reconciling Congregations
· along with their kindred More Light (Presbyterian), Open and Affirming (United Church of Christ/Disciples of Christ), Reconciled-in-Christ (Lutheran), and Welcoming (Unitarian
: Universalist) congregations-offer
· hope that the church can be a
· reconciled community. To enable local churches to engage
· in these ministries, the Reconciling
· Congregation Program provides
: resource materials, including Open
· Hands. Informatitm about the
· program and these resources can be
· obtained from:
Reconciling Congregation Program
3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Phone: 312 / 736-5526 Fax: 312 / 736-5475
· 2 · Our Spirituality: How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It · An Introduction. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 4
Chris Glaser
· INTEGRATING SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY: PERSONAL PERSPECTIVES I Don't Get Baptized Anymore ........................................... 6
Mark King
Mending the Split. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 6
Anonymous
Touching God, Touching Yourself, Being Touched ......................... 8
George Wilson
· Death and Incest ........ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 9
Melinda Valiant McLain
: A Spirituality of Creative Marginality ................... ... . . .. . ........... 10 Eric H. F. Law
· Learning to Love the Body . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 12
Howard Rice
· Love Between Monastic Women. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 12
E. Ann Matter
SEXUALITY AND WORSHIP The Body in Worship ................................................... 14 Zalmon O. Sherwood The Dangerous Song of the Wild Geese: Sexuality and Liturgy. . . . . . . . . . .. 15
Elizabeth Stuart
The Worship Process and Word Processing ............................... 17 John S. Rice
Sustaining the Spirit ...................................................... 18 We Sing to Live
Jon Bailey
· Resources. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 19
· A Closing Co-Editor's Note ................................................ 20 It's Time to Say Good-bye and Be On My Journey
Bradley Rymph
· Letters ........................ ............ ................................ 21
· RCP Report ......... .... ................ .. .............. .. ................ 22
Open Hands
I
Our Spirituality:
How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It
:\ this issue of OpenHands, people from various embodiments describe their
;pirituality with specific reference to how sexual oppression and sexual expressIOn. h h d 't I. Thi'S Issue,s coord'mator, Ch'ns Gl . . 11 h
ave s ape aser, mtentiona y as
selected people with different sexualities, spiritualities, and embodiments because, to more fully know the Body of Christ (as Paul conceptualized the church), we must know more about members of that body. Our experience of God is incomplete without that knowledge. Ironically, the only prospective authors who declined Chris's invitation out of fear of the church's political climate were heterosexual!
We open with Chris providing a theological and personal context by framing this issue's central question-how do sexual expression and sexual oppression shape our spirituality?
In the personal stories that follow, we hear the plaintive cry of a gay man living with HIV without the support of religious belief, the quandary of a bisexual campus pastor trying to live out ''both-and,'' and the difficult discovery of a heterosexual pastor that spiritual quest and sexual embodiment go together. We hear the voices of a survivor of incest no longer afraid of death, of a Chinese American who desperately tried to fit into American society, and of a differently abled professor trying to learn to love his body.
From a more generalized, analytical viewpoint, we read of the lesbian and gay experience in history, the body in worship, worship that is unique to us, and worship as an agent of social change.
As a closing feature, this issue's "Sustaining the Spirit" tells us of the singing witness of the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles as it confronts AIDS-reminding us that much of the spirituality of the lesbian and gay community is "nonspecific" yet is possibly more vital and accessible than anything the church has to offer.
Chris Glaser dedicates his work on this issue of Open Hands in memory and thanksgiving for:
•
A loving couple who helped shape our spirituality through different communities: Lyle Loder through Affirmation and Jack Frost through the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles; and
•
An individual whose life embodied the gentleness of Jesus and whose writing and editing reflected God's creativity: David Jessup.
Next Issue's Theme:
Age-Related Issues in the Lesbian / Gay Community
Summer 1992
· Reconciling Congregation · ProgramCoordinator
· Mark Bowman . .
Open Hands Co-Editors
. Betsy 1. Halsey
. B dl R h
. ra ey ymp . This Issue's Coordinator . Chris Glaser
· Editorial Assistant
Van Dixon
· Graphic Design/Cover Illustration
· Brenda Roth
Open Hands is published four times a year. Subscription is $16 for four issues ($20 outside the United States). Single copies, including back issues, are available for $5 each; quantities of 10 or more are $3 each. Permission to reprint is granted upon request. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed and will be acknowledged if they are scheduled to be published. Subscriptions, letters to the editors, manuscripts, requests for advertising rates and information, and other correspondence should be sent to:
Open Hands
3801 N. Keeler Avenue Chicago, IL 60641 Phone: 312 / 736-5526 Fax: 312 / 736-5475
Copyright © 1992 by the Reconciling Congregation Program, Inc. Open Hands is a registered trademark.
Winner, 1992 Award of Merit
for "General Excellence,"
The Associated Church Press.
· ISSN 0888-8833
*Printed on recycled paper.
3
Our Spirituality:
· How Sexual Expression and Sexual Oppression Shape It-An Introduction
· by Chris Glaser
· 4
· W hen asked to serve as coordinator for an issue of . Open Hands that focused on
· sexuality and spirituality, I was hon· ored. I have read, contemplated, · spoken, and written about the rela· tionship of spirituality and sexuality
· for 20 years-this summer marks my · . 20th anniversary out of the closet, as .' well as the 15th anniversary of the · Lazarus Project,1 which I directed for · 10 years. Both events required an · understanding and an explanation of · the integrity of sexuality and spirituality.
Coming out of the closet, I under· stood myself as a gay Christian, a
term that many Christians still con· sider an oxymoron. Initiating a minis· try for gay and lesbian Christians · involved explaining the juxtaposition · of sexuality and spirituality not only
to the church but also to the lesbian
and gay community, many of whom · believed they needed to make a choice · between their sexuality and their faith.
To be quite honest, I have become · a little tired and a little bored by this · topic. As I try to put my finger on the · reason why, I have come to the con· clusion that it is because of the apolo· getic way in which those of us who · do this type of work need to broach · the subject in a earth-and-body-deny· ing Christian church. Despite the · earthiness of Yahweh, forming the · first human out of earth, despite the · sensual touch of Jesus' miracles, from · turning water to wine to placing mud · made from spit on a blind man's eyes, · and despite the emphasis of the early · church on baptism by immersion, · communion by ingestion, and resur· rection of the body, the early church · fathers whored after the false god of a · spirit and body duality derived from · Hellenistic and Persian thought.
In presentations, I have spoken of
"the dance of spirituality and sexual· ity," and sometimes have been ques· tioned about whether the image · doesn't conjure up yet another dual· ity. I believe it does, and reveals our · limitation in how we usually frame
the discussion. A cynical gay friend · of mine may have been closer to the · truth when he once quipped sarcastically,
"To you, sexuality is spirituality." He might conclude the same of those
Open Hands
who write in the field, such as theologians Carter Heyward and James B. Nelson. To even talk or write about sexuality and spirituality suggests a duality that we are all trying to overcome by speaking of their integrity.
Their integrity is, in one sense, inherent, not simply a product of integration. For erotic power drives them both. Eros, that passion for communion with the other, is as integral to the spiritual quest as to the sexual quest.
Yet the discussion of sexuality and spirituality is only one door, I believe, into the broader discussion of body and spirit. Unconsciously for me, the valuing of embodiment led me first to concerns of social justice: equality regardless of embodiment. Hunger, war, racism, sexism, domination, exploitation, control, pollution, etc.: virtually all evils-political and personal-arise from a devaluing of someone's or some group's or earth's embodiment. As I reacted against this denial of the body in other areas, I became aware of the denial of my own embodied experience: my sexuality.
But though the Body of Christ, the church, served relatively well in challenging other forms of what might be called embodiment injustice, it became the opposition in matters of sexual justice for women, gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals. Patriarchy largely accounts for this. The images of a celibate Christ and a misogynist Paul don't counter this oppositionthough Jesus' behavior toward women and Paul's liberating ideas do, and could lead the church beyond patriarchy and sexual injustice.
The central theological assertion of Christianity is that God became flesh in Jesus Christ. Implicit in this understanding is that the divine and the human can come together, and that the body is as hallowed as the spirit, and that embodiment is how we come to know God. Even when the body of Jesus of Nazareth left us, we were not left without an embodiment, as Paul conceptualized the church as the Body of Christ. We know God through our bodies and through God's body, or we do not know God at all. That means we know God through our sexuality as well.
Summer 1992
In the process of thinking about how sexual oppression and sexual expression have shaped our spirituality, we each might re-view our individual spiritual development. For example, as a youth, sexual oppression prompted my long talks with God, the foundation of a personal · prayer life in which I also learned to listen for God in my embodied experience. The negative signals about sexuality and homosexuality that all · children receive made me seek out God's unconditionally loving presence. Homophobia that drove a homosexual member from my childhood church helped me to identify the injustice he experienced in the guise of "Christian concern" and called me into the "body politic" -the political life of both church and society. Acceptance of my sexuality, on the other hand, led me to recognize and to enjoy my gay love as a gift from God, causing me to theologize anew and interpret scripture afresh in college. It also helped me to believe in God in times of doubt, since, as I recently heard
· Jim Nelson say, "Pleasure is the strongest argument for the existence of God." Integration of my being gay and Christian created within me a passion for a ministry of reconciliation between the church and the les
· bian, gay, and bisexual communities.
· Now, the church's long delay in acceptance and my community's experience of AIDS reveals to me a necessary · eternal perspective-of God's even
· tual vindication of our just cause, as well as of God's everlasting embrace of each one of us-and an expansive perspective-of spirituality unconfined to closets of particular dogmas and creeds and communities. Prayer, justice, theology, scripture, pleasure, passion, and vision characterize the spirituality God has graciously shaped within me by experiences of sexual oppression and sexual expression. Yet I could not have put seemingly random events into a context of
· meaning were it not for the body of
· Jesus who touched the Body of
· Christ, which then embraced me. I
· had never realized before that through embodiment-with all of its suffering and all of its glory-God
--0-We
know God through our bodies and through God's body, or
we do not know
God at all.
That means we
know God
through our
sexuality as well.
------10'----could
call forth a well-rounded spirituality. God's Word did and can
. become flesh. For the church, for us, to embrace a well-rounded spirituality means reaching out with open hands to embrace the Incarnation and the incarnation, God-with-us and God-withinus. We need one another's embodiments to expand our experience and enjoyment of God . ....
REFERENCE
1 The Lazarus Project-based at the West
Hollywood Presbyterian Church in California-
is a ministry that works to reconcile the
church with the lesbian/gay community.
Chris Glaser is the coordinator for this issue of Open Hands and is the author of three books: Uncommon Calling: A Gay Man's Struggle to Serve the Church; Come Home! Reclaiming Spirituality and
Ministry as Gay Men and Lesbians; and Coming Out to God: Prayers for Lesbians, Gay Men, Their Families and Friends.
5
INTEGRATING SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY
o I Don't Get Baptized Anymore
o by Mark King
At a Methodist summer camp ished me from ever worshipping
o o
o
o o
when I was a young teenager, I there again.
o enjoyed the guilty pleasure of youth-I don't get baptized anymore.
o
o ful, experimental sex with another
o
boy in our secluded cabin in the That was all a lifetime ago. Now,
o o o
o woods. We never discussed it after-at 31, I've grown weary of search-
wards, never tried it with each other ing for an undefinable God. I say this
o oo
again, and probably prayed with after many tears, because I would like
o oo
equal fervor that the act be erased nothing more than to believe in some-
o oo
from our hearts and souls. thing good out there. When my friends
o oo o o
H would not be the first time that are dying of AIDS, it would be comreligion
and my sexuality would forting to know that they were being
o
o
directly square off in a fight for my taken to a loving and accepting God. I
o o
o o o
o loyalties. Just as that summer was could use that assurance myself.
oo
both a spiritual and sexual awakening When my best friend lay dying of
o oo
for me, so the next 10 years became a AIDS, hopelessly disbelieving of any
search for a resolution between the spiritual afterlife, I watched with soro
oo o o
two. The search has been a sincere, row mixed with intense interest. I
exhausting, and fruitless one. looked for God in the room when he
o
o
I used to get baptized at the thump drew his final breath, for the curtains
o
of a Bible. In my teenage years follow-to move, for a spirit to pass. There was
o
o
ing camp, I saw each baptism as a no one, and I believe my friend, my
o
o
new chance to wash clean the homo-dear brother, died ultimately alone.
o
o
o
sexual thoughts and acts I had experi-I haven't stopped looking for God,
o
o
enced. My parents weren't especially although I've stopped looking in
religious, and I would secretly attend church. I try to see God in a beautiful
o
o
o
revivals and Christian youth meetings
o
of every kind. I was baptized Metho
odist, Catholic, and Baptist (a number
Mending the Split
o
of times-they love to dunk).
Anonymous
As I came to terms with my homo-o
o o
sexuality, though, it became harder to E verything I learned about sexual-
o
o o
accept these religions and their ver-ity I learned by observing my
o o o
sion of God on their own terms. I was own unfolding. Yet my coming out
o o o
trying very hard to accept my sexual-took years because of polarization in
o o o
ity and be proud of it, but there was the spiritual-sexual world I inhabited.
o o o
no religious doctrine to back me up. I knew mother and father, women
o o o
By 17, I hid being gay entirely, got and men, hetero-and homo-sexualities-o
o o
baptized again, and joined the Mor-and the twain never met. As I grew,
o o o
mon Church. I sincerely liked the the external splittings I observed were
o o o
people there because they had strong gradually mirrored within; and once _
o o o
families and the young people my age internalized, took on a life of their
o o o
really seemed to take an interest in own. Only much later could I feel the
o o o
their religious culture. I finally opened urge to connection within myself that
o o o
up to a church member about my had long been submerged. But that is
o sexuality and was immediately ex-o getting ahead of the story. :
o
communicated. The very family val-I think I first discovered the split
o o o
ues I admired about the church ban-linguistically. As woman-child trying
: 6
day or the eyes of a loved one, but in nothing much more religious.
I am HIV positive, and can't help but think my time here is limited. I am not looking forward to the pain of illness, but what terrifies me is dying without the comfort of believing I am going to that ''better place" I've heard so much about. I feel there is still time for me to come to some sort of belief, but I feel so burned from years of trial and failure.
I know I'm a good person. I know I've conducted a thorough and sincere search for God, taking many years and trying many religions. My question is this. If I have taken half my life trying to find God, why won't God take just a moment to find me?
Mark King is the director of public relations for the Los Angeles Shanti Foundation, which provides counseling and education to those affected by HIV and AIDS. "Shanti" is Sanskrit for "inner peace."
to frame my own reality in speech, I was silenced and unable to describe myself to those "in charge." I experimen ted with other languages-those of different countries and cultures; those of art, music, and poetry. I became bilingual in French and English. But, more interestingly, I became bilingual in the languages of male-and femaleness, of power and submission, separation and relation. I learned to speak them well and became an academic success. Although true integration did not, perhaps could not, occur, it was a start.
I became fascinated with speech and began taking voice lessons. One
Open Hands
INTEGRATING SPIRITUALITY AND SEXUALITY
.fgving (jod, :Your lieaUng embrace is sealed in our Iiearts; Waters cannot quencli tfr.e streams ofyour fove, nor can tlie risingffootfs arO'Uln it.
rrotfay be witli tliose wlio tnow twin rivers in ourfoving, wlio sing 'tlie wliofe ofyour song in one breatli.
(jemini, we tliriflto tlie auai toucli ofwomen anamen in your Iiofy creation;
We see you in images retfoubfetl anafoulyour sfiafom in fove sjuffness.
~totliers, misuntlerstooaanafearful, woultl spfit usfrom our se[ves anaaiminisli us by liafj, forcing clioices.
rroucli our liearts anacreate us anew, 0 (jod, tliat we may a£[ freefy anafaitlijuffy imagine tliegforious realm ofyour foving.
'Dearest Jesus, We remember tlie fJJefovetl1Jiscipfe sIieatl on your breast, anatlie [ift-giving toucliing between you anawomen. We tnowyou openetl to fove freefy,giving witliout stereotyping anawitliout counting tlie cost. rreacli us anatoucIi us as we cross oft{boundaries, rewriting tlie maps ofLove s journey in our fives.
'BefoveaLover anaSpiritfrientl, Jfelp us tnow in ourse{ves anawelCome in otliers tlie ricIi possi6i[ities fqr foving you in tlie Wqrft£. May we arinkJrom your fiving waters, anatnow tlie ever/lowing streams of your fove in our 0'UIn foving, witli eacIi otlier anawitli you.
In yourstrong name we pray.
.9lmen.
-f}Jise~woman offaitli
Reprinted from The Healing Touch-Embodying Christianity, the 1992 More Light Prayer Book (January issue of the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian &Gay Concerns).
day, I stopped dead in my tentative tracks when I read the title of my teacher's text: Freeing the Natural Voice. I realized that, although I had learned many languages and sung many songs, my natural voice still eluded me.
From then on, my journey was intensely spiritual and sexual. I was born "holy," as we all are; yet as child and woman drawn to God, I found only walls, outdated maps. Liturgy's language for humans and God loomed an insurmountable barrier. Doors to ordination were shut tight. And God, who was clearly sexual, was also clearly heterosexual and male.
Summer 1992
"What was a girl to do?" Like
· many of my sisters, I married a per
· son I wanted to be. Not recognizing
· the need for reunion within myself, I
· tried forced complementarity with
· out. Of course, it was as untenable a
· resolution to the splittings I experi
· enced as was bilingualism: it was arti
· ficial at the core. Yet, as I experienced
• the limping oneness of the two of us, · I continued to observe myself and God, and to grow.
The necessary missing piece for · me fell in the field of inclusive lan· guage, and especially God-language. · Talking about it in "secular feminist" · circles didn't resolve my dilemma, nor did reading about it in the feminist theological tomes I devoured. The practice of worship was necessary for me: repeated worship in which the image of God was re-presented in a multiplicity of ways: feminine, masculine, and more. I needed to worship . in order to imagine and experience the fullness of God's sexuality. I had eons of dualistic thinking to erase before arriving at a fully erotic Godimage and, of course, a fully lovable and loving self.
Mending the split began when I was able to "experience my own experience" of loving both women and men. It began with learning to love the me that had been declared unacceptable, whose erotic energies fit no one's definitions. It began with learning that healthy connection with women and men lovers rested on connection within myself of my sundered selves. When God's sexuality was liberated from reductionist divisions, so was my own; and in God's lovely wholeness my own reunion became possible.
My personal journey even makes language of ambi/bisexuality seem restrictive. I love God/others/myself. I experience relationships with one/ more/none at a given time. I know man and woman; celibacy; auto-eroticism; and in seconds, over time, at once, in stages. I have friends/lovers (present and past) / alone time. I know a spilling-over of Love's possibilities, and they are all good.
To the world, of course, I am bisexual. I unabashedly love men and women, and I live alone. I socialize with one or another; I am invited out alone-and in the latter case I am called to play many roles, both those stereotypically feminine and masculine, from my wholeness. There are no longer barriers on my self-expression or the exercising of my being. And I understand Godlikeness far more fully as I freely know God and others.
7
1 N T E G RAT 1 N G S P 1 R 1 T U ALI T Y AND SEX U A L °1 T Y
learn that I am not, after all, so discontinuous with myself in my sexual! spiritual pilgrimage. That I should "feel after" and now and then "find" some space where wholeness and release are both spiritual and sexual with Ann (neither over or upon or by her) is an experience of grace.
Such discoveries and gifts have encouraged me enough to share with a few of my male friends some of the pain, loneliness, and blessing of my closeted and recently more open journey to be one person. This sharing has added to my blessing.
I wonder if the communion of the Holy Spirit does not mean in some large degree the deliverance of usmale, female, gay, heterosexual, les
· bian-from the bondage of being sexual! spiritual victims. That most of us have been victimized to some extent-closeted-by our victimized families and society at large is obvious. Healing is in order, and that is always a communal reality, something which breaks open, washes,
· joins together. When Peter refuses to let Jesus wash his feet, Jesus says, "If I do not wash you, you can have nothing in common with me" (John 13:8, The Jerusalem Bible). The response is "not only my feet, but my hands
· and my head as well." Peter was right. Those holy waters are for the whole of him and the whole of me and everyone: feet, hands, head, and everything between. The passage is not about cleanliness, but acceptance, community, and the ministry of wholeness-the coming together of the whole of us in the presence of each other and of God. We were
· made for a household, God's household (oikomenos), not for closets. ~
George M. Wilson is a retired Presbyterian clergyman who lives on the Monterey Pen in•
sula in California. He is married, and together, : Ann and he have eight children and nine
•
grandchildren who, he says, "fill us with hope
•
and, occasionally, some fear-as does the world in general."
Open Hands
My experience is just that; I do not · believe it to be better or more mature than the sexualized lives of my gay, les
· bian, or straight friends. I merely claim its truth, its legitimacy, and its common location with all sexuality in God's great heart. I don't think that the politics or responsibilities, pains or joys, of
· bisexuality are substantially different from those of all God's lovers, in the end. We do not yet live in a world that can bear Love's truth, although we
must live as if we do. For now, it is enough that the truth is coming out; that despite the power of denial, we will be known. So for now, I am content. Whole and holy, lover and loved, many yet one, I am at home. ~
The author describes herself first as a
woman of faith . She is "a bisexual campus · pastor in a denomination still tied in knots • over the issue of homosexuality."
Being Touched
by Geo1'8e M. Wilson
In my seventh decade I believe I have discovered that when I was very young, under five, I was severely punished for either saying sexual words or "touching myself" (as was said in those days, assuming it was
· bad of course), or for saying theologi
· calor scatological words, like "hell," "damn," "shit," etc. Part of my punishment was sitting in a dark closet somewhat like the entrance to Narnia in C. S. Lewis's tales, contemplating my sins and seeking God's forgiveness. For decades I have wondered about the unnamed sins upon which I meditated in those early years of
· theological and pyschological conditioning. All I could remember until recently was that I learned to ca1cu
· late what was an acceptable passage of time (in the eyes of the authority under which I lived) for a reasonable meditation and repentance. Perhaps I have been meditating and repenting in that closet for six decades, though such a spiritual exercise would seem excessive, I should think, even to my grandmother who so ensconced me. But with the help of all sorts of people, especially my wife
· Ann, some light has dawned. I believe
Touching God, Touching Yourself,
I know the "sins" .now, but even more than their specificity, I am relieved to know their conjunction. Grandmother was right: theology, or
· better, spiritual quest and sexual embodiment do go together. Reach
· ing out to God and touching yourself or being touched are related. But
· grandmother, victim as she was, put a painful and burdensome "spin" on my early searching for God and searching for myself. The image of the closet, which I
· believe could have as much significance for heterosexual as gay males, has been very real in my life. If I sub
· merged the content and connected
· ness of those early theological and sexual meditations, I never forgot the setting. But then, of course, I had to forget the connections in order to survive in my grandmother'S, my
· parents', and even my own world: a world where heterosexual males · rarely if ever permit themselves to
discuss, let alone deal with, their
· conjoined sexual-spiritual selves.
· Women and therapists are the exclusive
confidants or spiritual masters for those infrequent .times. How fortunate I have been to be · with Ann, and with her to begin to
8
o£).~r}-I )."'10 1~IC£S~r
can honestly say I have never been
afraid of death. As a religious woman, I wish I could say my fearlessness is / was the result of faith in the mold of Joan of Arc, but truth be told, I do not fear death because I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
A dear lesbian feminist friend of mine recently admitted to me she was growing quite obsessed and terrified of death. "You know," she said to me, "after burying friend after friend who has died from AIDS, I am dreaming about death and am very afraid I will die soon. I am frightened because I believe that my death will truly be the end." She was astonished when I said to her quite honestly I am not and never have been afraid of death. "Oh come on, Melinda, you're not going to give me some pat Christian answer, are you?"
Her question put my mind in a whirl. No, the "pat" answers do not immediately come to mind. Why am I not afraid of death? Where have I acquired this uncommon calm? Oh. ~aybe it's the .... The reason began to become clear. What in my experience has given me the sure knowledge that my spirit will go on beyond my bodily existence?
any survivors of incest/childhood
sexual abuse develop some very special coping skills in order to endure their trauma. We learn to "dissociate," to "go away." In my experience this felt / feels like complete separation from my body, splitting, an "out of body" experience. And like many of those who have been clinically dead and have had an "out of body" experience, I no longer fear death.
The logic is easy. If you know and know that you know that your "soul" or "consciousness" can exist separate from your body, it is easy to conclude that body and soul are only temporarily connected. In death, only the connection with the body is ended.
As a child in trauma, this ability to dissociate comes naturally and in self-
Summer 1992
by Melinda Valliant McLain
: defense. It is a gift which allows the · child to survive the trauma. When the · adult begins to remember the abuse · and begins the healing process, this
"coping skill" often returns. And · sometimes at the most inopportune · moments.
Sally (fictional name), a survivor · of ritual sexual abuse, was walking · through a ..park with her lover, Susan, · in a city which was unfamiliar to : them. A group of strange men began · to follow them. Susan became con· cerned and picked up the pace of · their walking. Sally looked glazed · and sort of blithely walked alongside : her lover, who practically had to drag : her along. After they had reached the : home where they were staying, Sally : was quite normally chatty and inquired · of her lover if she wanted to go out · for dinner. Susan, still shaken from · their experience in the park, stared at · her in disbelief and asked if she had · realized how dangerous their walk · through the park had been. Sally · calmly asked her lover, "When did · we walk through a park?"
Later the two discovered that the · particular park they had stumbled · upon was notorious for the number : of rapes which have been perpetrated · there. Whether the men were consid· ering rape is unimportant. The two · women reacted differently to a situa: tion in which both feared sexual vio· lence. The nonabused woman was · fearful and used her fear to take pro· tective action. The survivor simply
"checked out" to the point of amnesia · of the event.
Never as an adult have I dissoci· ated in a dangerous situation. Only in : the safety of a therapeutic massage · session have I re-experienced the dis· sociation which helped me survive · the childhood sexual abuse. In heal: ing from sexual abuse, many thera· pists quote the phrase, "The mind for· gets, but the body remembers." Indeed, · my healing was stymied as long as I · stayed "in my head." On the massage · table, recalling the abuse experience : while being safely touched brought : back the dissociation. The therapist I · worked with was very skilled, and she : saw me "leave." She immediately · talked me back by asking me direct · questions about objects in the room, : what I had eaten for breakfast, and · other items which forced me back to
"reality."
This power to dissociate, which I : imagine most yogis would envy, is a · difficult hurdle in the pathway to : healing from childhood sexual abuse. · For many survivors, dissociation often : occurs during consensual sexual · activity, even light kissing or hugging · may trigger the coping response. · When this happens, the results are · often painful and the strains on the
relationship complex and difficult to · deal with. Most survivors I have met : have at some point had to be celibate
for a significant period of time in · order to heal.
In the past year or so since my
friend asked me about death, I have : begun to reflect theologically upon : the ways in which childhood sexual · abuse has shaped my ideas about sexu: ality, spirituality, and God/ess. I have · come to make a few connections.
1. The Presbyterian human sexuality report came out with the wonderful title, "Keeping Body and Soul Together." For the sexual abuse survivor, this is a joyous call to healing because we are intimately aware of the high price splitting the two apart exacts from our wholeness.
• 2. Though I was raised in the church and have been active most of my life in traditional protestant spiritual practices such as prayer, Bible study, and worship, I have only recently been able to really "feel" the power of the Holy Spirit in my life on a regular basis. It has become clear to me that my ability to connect with God/ess has grown in direct proportion to my healing
9
process of "keeping body and soul together."
3.
As I learn to image God/ess in ways which are not reminiscent of the abusive relationship, my contact with the Divine One increases. In this way, inclusive language is not simply about affirming my
identity with the image of God/ ess, but is an essential part of my healing from sexual abuse perpetrated by a male authority figure. Exclusively male, authoritarian, warrior images do not enhance my sense of right relatedness with God/ess, but in fact create distance, a spiritual dissociation. These images continue to model the relationship which created deep hurt and brokenness in my life. And my perpetrator was not my father. Imagine how those who were raped by their fathers feel when "He" is exalted in the liturgy of the Church.
4.
It is estimated that one in three
adult women and one in seven
adult men in the United States are
survivors of childhood sexual
abuse/incest. Of reported cases, the vast majority of incest/ sexual abuse perpetrators are male and were themselves victims of abuse.
How many survivors are in our pews? How many victims/perpetrators? Are they suffering in silence, or have they left the church? Are we enabling sexual abuse? What role could a Christian community of friends play to facilitate healing?
These connections lead to more . questions, and an open-ended . multivoiced theological dialogue is . desperately needed. In the survivor . community, spirituality is a recog. nized tool of healing, but rarely do . therapists and survivors recommend . the church. Why? As is true in the . case of most sexual issues, the church . has been and remains silent. As long . as we in the church remain silent, we . will be unable to playa significant . role in the healing process of the : sexual abuse/incest survivor.
End the silence about incest and . sexual abuse, for as the AIDS move. ment has so aptly said, "Silence
. Equals Death." ~
•
Melinda Valliant McLain is a lesbian femi· nist theological student at San Francisco
•
Theological Seminary. She is preparing to
•
be an agent of healing and liberation and is
•
committed to being silent no more.
!Moonliglit crowns lier Iiead spruu[ing towara tlie eartli springingfortli in warmtli from an epicenter ofca£m.
Jfer eyes are poofs
ofcoofpear{izeagrey
wliicli invite my soul
to arinK..inlier care.
YJ..nt{yet beyontl tlieselie
tliegrace oflier toucIi,
Bolit, but tfirect.
genife, ofca£m purpose.
'1(ow I begin to pontler tliejoy in me to be refeasetl sucIi ecstasy I can liartf(y
comprelientl: wliat mysteries intfeet{sfuz[[ I K..nO'UJ?
-Mefimfa McLain
Reprinted from The Healing Touch -Embodying Christianity, the 1992 More Light Prayer Book (January issue of the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian and Gay Concerns).
A SpiRiTUAliTY of CREATivE MARGiNAliTY
by Eric H. E Law
· By the time I was a junior in col-· in return but looked up and down and · Chinese roots in order to gain acceplege,
I had tried for two years to · around the foyer as if I were not there. · tance by a world that would never · become as "American" as possible. At "W ould you like to sign our regis-· consider me as one of them! On that · that time, "American" meant white · trar?" He looked around some more · day, the world I tried so hard to become · American. Most of my friends were · as if he was trying to find "real" · part of no longer had its appeal. · white. I joined a fraternity. With my · people in the house. Without a word, As the walls of denial tumbled · college being in central New York · he turned around and walked out. · down, I discovered another part of · State, I was far away from Chinatown Alone, I did not know how to react · myself that I had kept hidden all my · in Manhattan, which had been my · to his behavior until I turned around · life in order to fit in: I was gay. · total reality during my teenage years. · and caught my reflection on the face of "Coming out" was not very hard at
I thought I had it made until one · the grandfather clock. "I don't look like · this point because I no longer cared · day, during rush week, I was in · everybody else in this place," I said to · whether people accepted me or not. · charge of greeting freshmen in the · myself. He was looking for a white man. · One more thing would not make that · foyer of my fraternity house. It was · He must have thought it was an Asian · much difference. So I came out to my · still pretty early and I was the only · fraternity. I felt like I had just crashed · fraternity, my priest, and my Bible · one around. A blond, boyish fresh-· into a brick wall filled with graffiti · study group. That all went very well. · man walked through the door. · that said, "You are not one of us!" Then I set out to look for another
"Hi, welcome," I said and extended How did I fool myself into believ-· community in which I could fit. · my hand. He did not extend his hand · ing that I could melt into this melting · "There must be a gay and lesbian · pot? How foolish I was to deny my
· 10 Open Hands
community," I said to myself. "When I find it, I will be home." I romanticized that this community would be open and accepting independent of people's color or race because we suffered a common oppression. With some research, I discovered the only gay bar in town. One evening, after regularly attending for several months, I found myself standing alone in the corner of this dark, smoke-filled room, waiting. No one talked to me. No one even looked at me. No one invited me to dance. When another Asian came in, I felt competitive. I went to the college gay and lesbian dance; the same thing happened. When it came to race relations, the gay community, which I dreamed would accept me, was no more than a micro version of the straight world. "You are not one of us!" echoed in my head again and again.
Home was not in the gay world. Home was certainly not the white world. Perhaps, my only home was to go back to the Chinese community. I would graduate from college, find a well-paying job, get married, buy a car, buy a house, and have children. This way I would always have my family, my Chinese community, and my security. But I could not do that. I had changed since my arrival in the United States eight years before. I could no longer buy totally into the Chinese culture, with its emphasis on group, not personal, identity and behavior. There was too much individualism in me. I could not be the perfect, obedient Chinese son, never asserting my personal needs over my family's desires. "You are not one of us!" also echoed here.
11 that time, my operating
assumption was that I needed to belong to a community in order to have an identity. There was still a lot of Chinese collectivism in me. In this lonely desert experience, I discovered that this assumption might not be valid. I discovered a spirituality that I call "creative marginality." The lack of acceptance by anyone community had caused me to feel marginalizedthat I did not belong anywhere. I discovered that, if I accepted this mar-
Summer 1992 ginality, I could use it constructively to enhance my ministry and to build bridges between very diverse groups.
In Jewish and Christian tradition, there is much to be said about a spirituality of the marginalized. Many in the Scriptures were marginalized people. Abraham and Sarah and the generations after them up to Joseph were sojourners. Moses started out in Egypt and, in his adult life, found himself in between the enslaved Israelites and Pharaoh. He never could return to Pharaoh's court again, and he never entered Canaan, the promised land, with the Israelites. Jesus was very often in the company of the marginal people. In another way, Jesus was marginal in that he was stuck between being divine and human.
A constructive way to look at being marginal was to see myself as in between-part of both ends but not fully one or the other. Being in between is like a string on a musical instrument, nothing more than a wire connecting two points. If there is no tension, there is no sound. If there is too much tension, the string breaks. If the string is tightened with the right amount of tension, it makes a beautiful sound.
I was pushing myself too hard to choose one group over another, so I snapped and lost connections with all groups. In this desert experience, I was lucky to have a very supportive Christian community that did not perceive me as a lost person wandering from community to community like a string lying loose between two points. Instead, my Christian community affirmed my marginality and nurtured me to a point where I could use this marginality creatively and constructively. My friends reconnected me and wound me up just right so that I could make music at an in-between place. I might never fit in the Chinese community again, but I had the experience from that culture to understand and have compassion for that community. I might never fit into the "mainstream" gay community, but my experience as a gay person enabled me to support its course and, at the same time, challenge its prejudices and stereotypes. I might never fit into the dominant culture in the United States, but my education · and experience in that culture gave · me the skill and knowledge to work : with and challenge the systems on · behalf of the oppressed groups with · which I was connected.
Spirituality to me is the ability to
make connections: connection
with myself, especially parts of : myself that I dislike and deny; con: nection with others, not just those · who are like me but also those who : are different and even my enemies; : and connection with God through : Jesus Christ, not just the compassion: ate God but also the part of God that : judges and requires me to do justice. : To make connection requires me to : stretch, to step out of my boundaries, : to take risks. To make connection : . might mean leaving what is comfortable
and secure. To make connection . might mean risking being rejected by . where I come from and by where I . am going. I have been blessed with . the experiences of being in between . two cultures and between the gay and . the straight worlds. Painful as it . might have been, these experiences . have given me a foretaste of what it : felt like to be in between the divine : and the human. To use my marginal: ity constructively means having the . ability to connect with both ends, wind . myself up with the Gospel with just : the right tension and sing.
The realization of the "goodness" : of marginality contributed to my pur: suing the ordained ministry. I went to . seminary. The following years brought . many more stories of rejection and : acceptance, of being connected and dis. connected. But that would be another : essay. I am an Episcopal priest now. I . am connected with one more commu. nity that does not fully accept me. So . that is life for me. "You are not one of : us" still whispers in my ears, but that is : okay, and that is where I should be . ...
Eric H. F. Law, an ordained
Episcopal minister, is a consultant/
trainer in multicultural
organization development
for churches and educational
institutions. He is
also a composer of liturgical
music, having produced three recordings and
published songbooks of his compositions.
11
spirit. My spiritual life is enhanced
pRNlNG
topIE theBt;?~ by Howard Rice · T here are many of us whose bodies do not do what we want them · to do, whose bodies are shaped dif· ferently, whose bodies get in the way · of performing many everyday tasks, · whose bodies are not thought of as · attractive by most people in our soci· ety. We have particular problems in · coming to terms with ourselves as "enfleshed" persons. We may even feel that our bodies are enemies · rather than friends. When we hear · talk about the need to integrate our · sexuality and our spirituality, we may respond in ways very different · from persons who think of themselves as "normal" or "able bodied." Society does not make it any easier. Standards of what is accept· able, beautiful, graceful, or handsome · are clearly beyond those of us whose · bodies are twisted or broken, who require assistance from a cane or crutches or a walker or a wheelchair. Looking in a full-length mirror is still · painful for me; it is a shocking · reminder of how I really look sitting · in my wheelchair with my back · curved. I do not like what I see. I · want to see the person I used to be · when I was young and able-bodied. To a certain extent, I have accepted society's standards. I have permitted · others to define who I am. Life is a · constant struggle to define myself in · my own way. I know that I have not · succeeded every time I have difficulty · dealing with another person who has a disability, when I turn my head so · as not to have to see or deal with · someone who reminds me of what I do not like about myself. I also know that shame about my · body has a negative effect upon my spirit. One cannot separate body and 12
when I can accept my body as a friend. An ongoing struggle then, is acceptance of the body, whatever society says. It means acceptance of oneself as a sexual being whatever message others may give. It means knowing that God's love and acceptance do not depend upon what other people think or say or do. This kind of self-acceptance is countercultural, and it requires nurture and encouragement.
Unfortunately, the church has not always been the place to find that self-acceptance. People with disabilities have experienced a very mixed message from the church. We are flawed, we lack faith sufficient to be healed, we are "God's warning to others," or we are simply an uncomfortable reminder that life is more complicated than some Christians want it to be, that believing does not make everything come out the way one wants, that prayer is not the solution for every problem, that God is not a cosmic bell-hop waiting to do our bidding if we can get the right formula. I have experienced the rejection of Christians who, more often than I like to remember, look down at me and say, "If you were not carrying some secret sin in your life, you would be healed" or "Ifyou only had enough faith, you could get up and walk."
People with disabilities share some common issues with gay, lesbian, and
. bisexual people. Our struggle to define ourselves and to claim our own right to be sexual, our difficulty finding acceptance in the church, our need to find wholeness by accepting our sexuality as a good gift, all of these are common to us all. Perhaps we should work together more consciously. God knows we all could use others who see our point of view and are willing to accept us as we are. T
Howard Rice served pastorates in Minneapolis and Chicago before becoming a member of the facu lty of San Francisco Theological Seminary in 1968, where he now serves as professor of ministry and as
chaplain. He was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1964 and has used a wheelchair since 1972.
Love
Between
·Monastic
:Women
by E. Ann Matter
· T he question of how medieval
people saw themselves to be · sexual, and how we can responsibly · express our understanding of their · self-awareness, has been a lively topic · of late, inspiring a session at the 1992 · meeting of the Medieval Academy of · America, an issue of the Medieval · Feminist Newsletter, and a lot of talk. · Two aspects of this talk strike me as · particularly interesting:
1. Everyone agrees that there is precious little first-hand evidence (as opposed to the ravings of medieval Jerry Falwells) for the experience of gay men or (especially) lesbians in the Middle Ages.
· 2. Nevertheless, medievalists are almost universally agreed in rejecting the perspective, inspired by the French theorist Michel Foucault, that the very concept of "sexuality" is an invention of the modern world and cannot be applied to pre-modern contexts.
The research on this question is : dominated by lesbian, gay, and femi: nist scholars, and we are clearly look: ing for our predecessors and our roots.
What evidence is there for medi: eval emotional and erotic relation: ships between members of the same : sex? The answer breaks down quite : clearly by gender. For men, there is : quite a bit, although, as the writings : of John Boswell have shown, most of : the the "gay men" of medieval Europe
Open Hands
belonged to a clerical subculture. Perhaps these deacons, priests, and bishops were simply drawn to religious life as an all-male environment. If so, it is not surprising that we find some of the same emotional charge between women in the medieval convent. The most beautiful examples of this love between monastic women are found in a collection of 12th-century poems from south Germany. In one, found in a manuscript of the monastery of T egemsee, a woman poet says to her absent woman beloved:
To G.: her singular rose
From A. the bond of precious love.
What is my strength, that I may bear it,
That I should have patience in your
absence?
Is my strength the strength of stones,
That I should await your return?
I, who grieve ceaselessly day and night
Like someone who has lost a hand or
a foot?
Everything pleasant and delightful
Without you seems like mud underfoot.
I shed tears as I used to smile,
And my heart is never glad,
When I recall the kisses you gave me,
And how with tender word you
caressed my little breasts,
I want to die
Because I cannot see you.
What can I, so wretched, do?
Where can I, so miserable, turn?
If only my body could be entrusted to
the earth
until your longed-for return
Or if passage could be granted me as
it was to Habakkuk
So that I might corne there just once
To gaze on my beloved's faceThen
I should not care if it were the
hour of death itself.
For no one has been born into the world
So lovely and full of grace
Or who so honestly
And with such deep affection loves me.
I shall not therefore cease to grieve
Until I deserve to see you again.
Well has a wise man said that it is a
great sorrow for [one] to be
without that
Without which [one] cannot live.
As long as the world stands
You shall never be removed from the
core of my being.
What more can I say?
Corne home, sweet love!
Prolong your trip no longer;
Know that I can bear your absence
no longer.
Farewell,
Remember me.1
This poem is an obviously erotic · and explicitly sexual testimony to the · fact that some medieval women did · love, and make love to, each other. · The theme of the absent beloved, · however, is found far more often in
religious literature of a more ambiguous
nature, such as in letters between · women in religious life, letters which · are achingly emotional but not · overtly sexual. A good example of
this is found in the works of the Flemish Beguine Hadewijch, who · wrote to members of her community:
Greet Sara also in my behalf, whether I am anything to her or nothing.
Could I be fully all that in my love I wish to be for her, I would gladly do so; and I shall do so fully, however she may treat me. She has very largely forgotten my affliction, but I do not wish to blame or reproach her, seeing that Love leaves her at rest, and does not reproach her, although Love ought ever anew to urge her to be busy with her noble Beloved.2
Sara, the best beloved, returns · Hadewijch's fervor with indifference; · yet Hadewijch urges her on to new · heights of Love for "her noble · Beloved" -that is, the heavenly · bridegroom, Christ. In the context of · medieval Christian spirituality, neither · the letter of Hadewijch nor the poem · of the Tegernsee manuscript necessar· ily demands a sexual interpretation. · There is a long tradition of Christian · spiritual writing which uses erotic · language allegorically, to express a · type of love which clearly transcends · human limitations. The best-known · example of this is found in the tradi· tions of interpretation of the Song of · Songs, the biblical love poem that · was understood throughout the · Middle Ages, by Christians and Jews alike, as the love between God and the Church or between God and the human soul.3 In other words, there is an ancient Christian spiritual tradition in which human love is the main metaphor for the love of God.
But the situation is even more complex, because this metaphorical language works in reverse as well. Although the poem of the Tegernsee manuscript and the letter of Hadewijch use biblical language and point to a spiritual reality, the poign~
In the deeply
Christian world of the
medieval cloister, this
love [between women1
was expressed with the
same biblical metaphors
as ... the love between
human beings and God.
~
ancy of human love spills out between the lines, and the intensity, awkwardness, and sublimation of the human love of which they speak are remarkable. This fact brings us back to the problem of definition. Do these women count as medieval lesbians?
According to the poet and critic Adrienne Rich, all intense emotional relationships between women can be placed on a "lesbian continuum."4 Rich argues that the oppression of patriarchy has circumscribed many aspects of women's emotional lives, but has not been able to keep women from bonding with one another in whatever way they can. Rich's theory has met with quite a bit of criticism, especially from other feminists,S especially those who worry about historicity, the "modernity" of our concept of sexuality, and the social implications of placing women friends on a "lesbian continuum." But for many
Summer 1992 13
medievalists, it has been a powerful key to interpreting the culturally constructed love between medieval
· women and for understanding how women in the Middle Ages could express their emotional and erotic preference for one another. For it seems obvious, even with so little evidence, that there have always been, in every time and place, however they have survived, whatever they may be called, women who love other women. In the deeply Christian world of the medieval cloister, this
· love was expressed with the same · biblical metaphors as, and on a continuum of spirituality with, the love
· between human beings and God. Perhaps modern lesbians and gay men can learn from this example the strength and
· beauty of appropriating our own spiritual tradition into our lives. T
E. Ann Matter is a professor and chair of religious studies at the University of Pennsylvania. She studied at Oberlin College and Yale University, "where she did a number of speaking gigs with Chris
Glaser." She has published on medieval spirituality, biblical mysticism, and the history of
• gender and sexuality in the Christian tradition.
REFERENCES 1 E. Ann Matter, "My Sister, My Spouse:
•
Women-Identified Women in Medieval Christianity," in Judith Plaskow and Carol Christ, eds., Weaving the Visions: New Patterns in Feminist Spirituality (San Francisco: Harper
•
Collins, 1989), pp. 52-53; John Boswell, Christianity, Social Tolerance and Homosexuality: Gay
: People in Western Europe from the Beginning of the Christian Era to the Fourteenth Century (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1980), pp. 220-21; Peter Dronke, Medieval Latin and the
• Rise of the European Love-Lyric, 2 vols. (Oxford:
: Clarendon Press, 1968), 2A80-81. 2 See especially Letter 25, "Sara, Emma,
•
and Margriet," in Hadewijch:The Complete Works,
•
translated by Mother Columba Hart, O.S.B.
(New York: Paulist Press, 1980), pp.105-106. 3 See the four volumes of English transla•
tions of the sermons of Bernard of Clairvaux on the Song of Songs (Kalamazoo, MI:
•
Cistercian Press, 1976-1980). 4 Adrienne Rich, "Compulsory Hetero: sexuality and Lesbian Existence," Signs 5
(1980): 631-60. 5 See the articles by A. Ferguson, J. N.
•
Zita, and K. P. Addelson, "On 'Compulsory
•
Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence': Defining the Issues," Signs 7 (1981): 158-99, and Judith C. Brown, "Lesbian Sexuality in
•
Renaissance Italy: The Case of Sister
•
Benedetta Carlini," Signs 9 (1984): 756.
The Body in Worship
by Zalmon O. Sherwood
"If life and the soul are sacred, the human body is sacred."
-Walt Whitman
Worship is at the very heart of religious life. It is the pulsating center from which we receive divine love and strength for all that we are and do. Like the blood that flows through our bodies, we keep returning to that heart for refreshment and renewal. But what happens when the heart fails to function correctly? For an increasing number of lesbians and gay men, the heart of our lives as members of religious institutions is no longer providing the meaning and power we seek.
If the goddess we worship is anything, she is love: yearning, passionate, seeking, active love. To worship is to participate in acts of adoration and love. We have been created for love and to love. If sexuality is the physiological and psychological grounding of our capacities to love, ifour destiny as human beings is to be lovers in the richest, fullest sense of the word, then sexual wholeness is part of our redemption and thus our spiritual destiny.
Bodies are our first, closest, and most powerful connection to both ourselves and all else. The loving touch of flesh upon flesh is the first reassurance that one is a self in a world of caring selves. For this reason, human flesh is forever the privileged place of divine encounter. Religious leaders have much to learn from gay men and lesbians, for when we come out and affirm ourselves in the face of social oppression, we affirm the basic goodness of human sexuality and our embodiment.
The body has been effectively banished from most traditional worship. That is one role stationary benches or pews play in congregations. They assure that no movement, no dance, no celebration of the body, might
· break loose. Books playa similar role
in worship. If people have to hold
· books, then their hands are also occu
· pied and they aren't free to move. As physical beings, we need to express the music inside us. What better way than dance? Dancers have much to teach us about the body, spontaneity, and enjoyment. Dancers know the power of movement to underline and highlight an understanding that is
· beyond words. Both the arduously trained dancer and the disciplined athlete embody the grace of the physical in perfect coordination with the mental which may lift one to extraordinary spiritual heights. Movement and dance are not the only ways to affirm the holiness of our bodies in worship. Where there is authentic ritual, there is always full participation according to each person's capabilities. The emphasis in worship should be on how all participants can give and receive fully, using their whole bodies and all their senses: sight, smell, taste, hearing, and touch. Touching is vital to deeply meaningful
· worship. Touch is a sacred and impor· tant part of who we are. It should not
· be treated superficially during worship · nor should it be used in any contri\'ed exploitative, or hackneyed manner. As the language of love, touch shoul · be used during appropriate periods of sharing and intimacy in worship. Worship, a word that means "to make worth" or "to respect," has the · power to affirm our bodies and our · humanity, to heal us, and to allow us to feel again the deep wellsprings of · reverence for being all that we have in · us. Worship ignites the magic of imagi· nation, and connects disparate and separate parts, making us whole again and · celebrating our place in the universe.
Open Hands 14
1Jear CreatoTi
Create our fovemaKjng fosh, Live in our desires.
'Bfossom aru£sing in our boaUs as we join as we dose thegap between two ofyour creatures.
'Draw us out clear (jot£, out ofoursk..in aru£bones aru£stamp this with your caress andsmile, your covenant.
'Bring the wortls out ofus, (jot£,
your worrfs, . that describe anagrasp tliat canonize the shapes we ~
the sFiapes whose parts are male ~k..notty wooa whose parts arefemale ~piles of£eaves
canonize ourgay aru£ fesbian shapes iear (joa with breath aru£ tears with cofor anasme{[ with wotrfs.
-cuffora!frasier, !Jlarvard Vivinity Scfwo{
Reprinted from The Healing TouchEmbodying Christianity, the 1992 More Ligh t Prayer Book (January issue of the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian & Gay Concerns).
Worship enkindles kinship with other bodies, bodies of joy and bodies of sorrow, human bodies and bodyreatures
of this fragile planet. Our heartfelt worship, not alone, but in the resilient interconnections we share with others, generates the power that makes and sustains life. It is in touching, making those human connections, that we find the sacred mystery that binds us in loving each other fiercely in the face of suffering and pain, and empowers our witness against all powers of oppression and destruction.
To share an affectionate embrace with another person, to come out, to identify with and be part of a struggling community, to contribute to the
Summer 1992
The Dangerous Song of tlie Wild Geese: Sexuality and ~£~~
by Elizabeth Stuart
· L iturgy is dangerous. This is what
I have learned since the British · publisher SPCK commissioned me to · compile a book of liturgies for use · gay and lesbian Christians, then · doned the project just before publica: tion under pressure from the Church · of England. All this happened only a · few months after the bishops of the · Church of England published a report,
• Issues in Human Sexuality, which encour· aged congregations to become "places · of open acceptance and friendship" · for lesbian and gay people. Surely
allowing gay and lesbian Christians a · book of prayers and liturgies which · reflects their experience would be a · good start? But no, some of those · who hold powerful positions within · the church find the very idea of such · a book deeply threatening. Why?
For all Christians, liturgy-the · public, communal, and ordered gath· ering of believers for the purpose of · worship-is extremely important, for · it is the time when, through words
physical and spiritual well-being of · suffering and afflicted persons, is to · know something of the love and pas· sion of the divine. When we choose · togetherness and accept who we are, · even as we seek to be who we might · become, miracles happen. The sky · opens, the stars come out. We say
"yes" to the mystery. T
Zalmon O. Sherwood is an
Episcopal priest who directs
the St. James Colony, a center
for spirituality and the arts on
Beaver Island in northern
Lake Michigan . He is currently
at work on a book,
Equal Rites: Liberating Worship for Lesbians and Caymen.
as''t\!;\community, and
our lives with those of our 'foreparents in faith. For liturgy to be effective, it needs to articulate and speak to the experience of those who participate in it. The unfortunate fact
· is that for most of its history the church's liturgies have been written by privileged white men and have reflected their experience to the exclusion of all others. Lesbian, gay, and bisexual people-along with women, people of different races, children, poorpeople, and many others-have been deprived of a liturgical language to make sense of
· their experience. Linguistic deprivation is a particularly effective way of keep· ing people silent and disempowered.
But now we are speaking for ourselves. We have begun to articulate our spirituality, our understanding of reality in terms of our relationships and faith, in liturgical form. And it is threatening to those in power in the churches because it is an acknowledgment that we do not need them to help
· us make sense of our lives. It is also
· threatening because it cannot be argued with. One can enter into a debate over : an academic thesis, but one cannot · argue with a person's articulation of · his or her experience. It is an expression
of the heart rather than the head
· and therefore is not controllable. And it is threatening because many aspects of gay, lesbian, and bisexual experience
: are not unique but are shared by thou
· sands of heterosexual Christians. By
· daring to speak love's name, we expose
: the extent to which church teaching
· and liturgy have lost their grounding
: in reality and become irrelevant, as
· have those who uphold them.
15
There is one strong thread that Resurrection is a reality at the heart of oppression. May everything that : runs through all lesbian and gay lit· of "coming out" for many lesbian and happens in this home and all who : urgy, and that is friendship. All our · gay Christians, as the following prayer come into it take us further in our
journey towards liberation.
: relationships, whether sexual or not, · from a liturgical celebration of this · tend to be defined in terms of friend-· turning point makes clear. The room is The liturgies also express a strong · ship. In a world which is often dan· darkened as the person coming out says, sense of bonding to lesbian and gay : gerous and seeks to marginalize and people from past ages.
As Eve came out of Adam, as the : isolate us, friendships are important people of Israel came out of slavery : because we need their equality, mutuinto their freedom, as the exiled IsReading through the liturgies, I : ality, and inC;lusivity. It is in friendships raelites came out of Babylon back to am struck by their honesty, sim: that we experience liberation, the their home, as Lazarus came out of · plicity, and utter conviction of the · freedom to be ourselves. It is no accithe tomb to continue his life, as goodness of our sexuality. They pro-Jesus came out of death into new
: dent that the biblical characters who · vide an excellent window onto gay life, I come out-out of the desert
: appear most frequently in our litur· and lesbian experience. In the Celtic
into the garden, out of darkness into
: gical material are two sets of friends, · tradition, the Holy Spirit is not reprelight,
out of exile into my home, out
: David and Jonathan; Ruth and Naomi. sented as a tame white dove but by a
of lies into the truth, out of denial
: Jesus and God are also perceived as wild goose, uncontrollable and noisy.
into affirmation. I name myself as
: friends-each can also be understood A study of gay and lesbian liturgy
gay /lesbian. Blessed be God who : as lover. There is no place for the dualhas made me so. · reveals that this is a common experi:
istic attitude toward the body that has · ence of God's spirit-free of ecclesiasThe
person lights a candle and all
: stained Christianity for so long. tical attempts to control and confine
: present light candles from it. Flowers
· it, it makes its home in the most un
· are brought in, music is played, and
Gay and lesbian liturgies are · likely places. It drives people together
· the room is filled with light and color.
remarkably honest. Having no (geese do not like to fly alone) and
: Coming out is an Easter experience.
· ideal to live up to, liturgies written · does not come in quiet conformity
· The symbolism of light overcoming
· for the blessing of relationships often · but demanding to be heard. Its song is
: the darkness is a common one in les:
acknowledge that the relationship may · not sweet to many but those upon
· bian and gay liturgical material and is
: not last forever, and some recognize · whom it rests are empowered to
· a universal symbol of the triumph of
: that the relationship will not be monog· become noisy, passionate, and coura:
justice over oppression and life over
: amous. I have included in my book a · geous guardians of the gospel. Lit:
death. As one of the funeral liturgies
section on the breaking up of partner· urgy is an important means by which
: puts it, "Let us remember that all the
: ships. As part of one liturgy, the couple · lesbian, gay, and bisexual people
darkness in the world cannot put out
: each take a piece of crockery that · make a noise, a noise which attracts
· one single light."
: belonged to both of them and say, '. others out of isolation and into the
The liturgies I have read in prepar
· flock and alerts other Christians to the
[Name] and I entered willingly into
: ing my book convey a strong sense of
· fact that the Spirit is among us. T
our relationship as lovers. I now
: solidarity with other oppressed peoples,
mark the end of that relationship of
: particularly the ancient Israelites
my own free will. This is the symbol
: enslaved in Egypt. A housewarming
of our sharing of happy times and
in theology at the College of
: liturgy has the occupants attach a
sad times. I smash it to show the end
St. Mark and St.John, Ply:
gay or lesbian symbol to their front
ofour life together, the fracturing of mouth, England, a Church of our dreams and shared future. With · door and say, England college of higher eduits breaking may your hurt and my Just as the ancient Israelites marked cation. She is a Roman Cathohurt be seen and may bitterness and their door lintels with blood as a sign lic and is convener of the Roanger
also come to an end. that they were blessed and chosen • man Catholic Caucus of the Lesbian and Gay by God, so we mark our door with
• Christian Movement. She is the author of
The pastor or a friend then assures
· Through Brokenness (Collins Fount, 1990)
a sign of our blessedness as lesbian
the couple that God has no wish to
• and many articles on Christianity and sexual-
women/gay men. The people of Is
· lock them in a destructive relation•
ity. Her book, Daring to Speak Love's
rael marked their doors on the eve
· ship and pronounces their commit- · Name, a collection of liturgies by lesbian and
of their exodus from slavery into
· ment ended. How many Christian • gay Christians, will be published this fall by
freedom. By marking this house/
· heterosexual couples would benefit · Hamish Hamilton in the United Kingdom and
flat we identify with them on their
· by Viking in the United States.
· from such a liturgical act to mark the
journey, for gay and lesbian people · ending of their relationships? are also in the process of coming out
Open Hands
-"
'''''''.'_", ''"*",,,,,, . , Elizabeth Stuart is a lecturer j
16
e Worship Process and
ord Processing
by John S. Rice
ost gay and lesbian people
have sadly found that "the
ractice of Christianity is incompatIble
with homosexual being." The hurch is often an unhealthy place for eople who are different. Even if our
,.ords sound welcoming (and indeed hey should), lesbians and gay men an still feel rejection and unworthi.,
ess being communicated in our worhip services. How are these sexual titudes communicated? Could we
e this mysterious dynamic to communicate reconciliation instead? After few unproductive hours pondering
his question at the screen of my candles on each of the four Advent Sundays. The content of the accompanying prayer was that all families in our church were called to wait in hope, and God would come to meet us at the point of our need. The unspoken codes, however, set some narrow margins. "All families" were shown by example to be married heterosexual couples with adorable children. The codes always teach as much as the official content.
At a recent funeral of a gay man, the preacher's content was about God's unconditional love and accepting grace. Yet the man's lover wasn't seated with the family or acknowledged by the preacher. The codes of the church's judgement, exclusion, fear, and denial all preached more loudly than the content of God's compassion, mercy, and love. The room
:-:««
was filled with hurt, rage, and loss stirred by unspoken codes.
·ord processor, it occurred to me at I was staring at the answer. For this to make sense, there is one asic principle of word processing
at must be understood: formatting odes. Every word-processed docu.. ent contains not only the obvious ontent of the words on the page, but 150 embedded formatting codes
. :hich control margins, type size, page numbering, line spacing, etc. The same -,·:ord-for-word content can come across with very different meanings
epending on how the hidden codes
affect its presentation. In worship, our exuality is addressed in both the conent of the service and the unspoken
codes through which it is presented. This has three important implications.
1. Both content and codes communicate attitudes toward sexuality. In a church I formerly served, a different family was chosen to light the Advent
Summer 1992
2. Both the codes and the content can be gracefully changed. Those of
· us in Reconciling Congregations in United Methodism or similar congregations in other denominations already know that the content of our services must honor the diversity of God's creation, and that our words must
· bless, confirm, and support the healthy sexual development of each
· brother and sister. Let us look again at our worship to make sure our codes support our content. The Advent-candle lighting mentioned above was changed over several years to include a widow with extended family, lesbian and gay couples, single people, blended families, and a few heterosexual firstmarriage couples with adorable children (they still do represent about 17%of our population). Examine your codes.
· Which ones are you willing to change?
· · · · ·
· · · · · : ·
: · · ·
q/iant you, :Jfeavenly Lover, f orgiving us fove, ana1tlil{ing it a means ofgrace.
In eacli sliarp sweet cut ofmy 6oyfriena'sgfana, I ttwUI tlie intensity of your fove for us.
Witliin every crusliing liug aniscrape ofstu66kd cliin on tenderffesli, I feel tlie power ana sting ofyour claim upon us.
tRy tlie clii£[on sweaty stin ofliis 6reatli 6fown over my sfiouU£ers, I am quict<r-ned to tlie Spirit's calL
9Ylicf0aoger said: {'9'ou can't alwaysget wliat you want, hut ifyou try real liard, you '[[foul, youget wliat you need. n
?1iantyou, :Jfeavenly Lover, for giving usgrace, ani1tlil{ing it a means offove. Ylmen.
- (jay t{.1nitet[ Metliotfist deacon
Reprinted from The Healing TouchEmbodying Christianity, the 1992 More Light Prayer Book (January issue of the newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesbian & Gay Concerns),
Could Todd and Richard join the church as Todd-and-Richard? Would this be reported in the "Welcome to New Members" column as "Todd and Richard/address/phone," or as "Todd/address/phone, Richard/ address/phone"? Would they be asked to serve as greeters together? What about the pictorial directory? We must lead the congregation in making these changes out of pastoral necessity, in order to care for those in our charge with the inclusive love of Jesus.
3. Codes are experienced, not explained. The codes have to do with symbolic actions which show forth the great love of God. Don't undermine them by apologizing for God's
17
· inclusive grace or explaining what · everything "means." First, if we
Sustaining the Spirit
· apologize, we turn an experience into
· an issue. If, for example, we begin by · saying, "Now before we do this, let · me warn you that two lesbians are · going to light the Advent candles, and · many of you may object to this ...," · many of them will. We have just · taken a complex symbolic action · which introduced the notion of diver· sity of households into the meaning · of waiting in hope for the promises of · God and reduced it to a single sexual · issue about lesbians in the chancel. If · your codes model inclusiveness with· out apology, you will more accurately · and effectively model God's grace.
The second temptation is to explain · the codes and symbols. We are creat· ing poetry, songs, and symbolic · actions-don't make them treatises · and arguments. Our symbols cannot · explain all details of God's boundless · grace, only welcome us into its mys· tery. Our symbols need lots of space · to make us welcome. Lots of details · justshut us out. In our attempts to be · inclusive and politically correct, we · write services that sound like soft· ware licensing agreements: "Our · parental sovereign which art in
heaven (by which we do not mean a · literal place, but a spiritual realm · which is the locus of divine reality), · hallowed be thy non-gender-specific
name...." It may be politically correct, · but it's deadly dull liturgy. It doesn't · sing of God's grace.
If we are to be reconciling, let us · examine both the content and codes · of our services to be sure that both · show forth the reconciling grace of · God. Move forward, changing con· tent and codes out of a conviction of · pastoral necessity which may lead to · prophetic opportunity, and let our · worship services be parables and · spacious songs of God's grace . ..
John S. Rice is a United Methodist minister serving as executive director of WorshipWorks, Inc., in Knoxville, Tennessee. Worship Works teaches "The Dynamics of Effective Worship" to churches
of all denominations through workshops, · consulting, and video resources.
• 18
WE SING
TOIAIVE
by Jon Bailey
We sing to keep from crying, Our songs can't stop the dying,
but focused in song united and strong you can hear ... We sing this word-LOVE:
· "Vourchorus has lost almost 70
I men to AIDS. How can you do · it ... how can you go on singing?" That · question always catches me off guard. · I don't think about our singing in that · way, for me the question is: "How · could we not sing in the face of death?"
We sing because something very · powerful has happened to us. In the · 1970s, we gay men and lesbians · fought for our right to be; and in 1992 · we celebrate a sense of power and · self-worth. We fought the police at · Stonewall, and now we demand that · they look us in the eye as men and · women of equal worth. We have · moved from the deserted margins of · society to a place of honor and dignity.
There is a growing spirit in our · community. It comes from a deepened · sense of who we are and how pro· found our connection to one another · is. This spirit~all it love, call it divine, · call it community, call it sense of self · and purpose-is one of the legacies of · the AIDS generation. And that legacy · is a story which we must sing!
It was for that reason that I went · to Los Angeles composer Roger · Bourland to talk about a commission · to write a piece about our AIDS expe· rience. I remember choosing my · -words carefully: "I don't want you to · compose another Requiem. This com· munity has experienced too much · death and too little life!" I reminded · him. "I want you to write a work · which affirms life."
Now, some 12 months later, as I reflect on that conversation and my adamant resolve to have the composer create a life-affirming work in which AIDS is the subject, I still ask: Was I avoiding death, even in the face of its unrelenting reality in my own life, or had my own consciousness shifted? Has the gay community's awareness grown and changed to a point where "life-affirming" and "AIDS" are not antithetical terms?
Hidden Legacies, the new work which composer Bourland and lyricist John Hall have created for the Gay Men's Chorus of Los Angeles, answers the question with a resounding "yes!" The seven-movement work details the odyssey of the gay community and AIDS from the 1970s to the 1990s. In a sense, it is the story of a community, but also that of each individual's encounter with this disease. It moves from those glowing post-Stonewall years of new liberation:
Don't think of control
'Cause you're on a roll.
You suffer no loss
And double no cross
And gather no moss.
The stone keeps rolling
And unaware you don't have
to care.
To the nightmare of AIDS:
A new plague that hides in blood!
The fluid of life now turns to a
flood of pollution.
No solution!
Wake Up!
And we do wake up-our community wakes up and demands that we be heard, that our deaths not be diminished by the petty games of politics and medicine:
Open Hands
And with our death please signify
That we were here, no need to cry
just look us in the eye.
And we learn to care in a way we
d not know was possible. We are left
hind, we are left alone with our .. ger, our grief, our tears, and finally acceptance. We learn to say goodbye:
Dream, journey's end. I say fare well my finest friend.
Turn inward now and try to find
Your spirit and journey now defined. Remembered laughter, warm and free, Will be your final gift to me.
And now we must sing! We sing to keep from crying, but more than that
We sing past our fears and over the rage,
We sing through the tears that fall on the page of notes that we see, our voices are free to be heard!
We sing this word-LOVE. For our songs have changed us. Our songs have created us anew, giving us strength, time, peace, and love.
esources
For we are the AIDS generation. We are not victims, we are persons who pass through fire and are made new.
Beck, Renee, and Sydney Barbara Mitchell, Rosemary Catalano, and Gail And we sing, we sing to live! ~
Metrick. The Art of Ritual. Berkeley, Anderson Ricciuti. Birthings and
*All quotations are from Hidden Legacies by
Calif.: Celestial Arts, 1990. A guide Blessings: Liberating Worship SerJohn
Hall; © 1992. Hidden Legacies was commisto
creating and performing one's vices for the Inclusive Church. New
sioned through a major grant from the Cultural own rituals for growth and change. York: Crossroad, 1991. Series of
Affairs Department of the City of Los Angeles.
Glaser, Chris. Coming Out to God: feminist worship experiences, based It received its world premier at Royce Hall,
Prayers for Lesbians, Gay Men, Their . in a Reformed worship context,
University of California, Los Angeles, on March 29,1992, under the direction of Jon Bailey.
Families and Friends. Louisville: from the Woman, Word, & Song Westminster/John Knox Press, 1991. gatherings in Rochester, New York. A collection of 60 prayers for indiMore Light Prayers. Annual January Jon Bailey, previously director vidual or congregational use, indexed issue of the More Light Update, of the Institute of Sacred Music by topics and scriptural references. newsletter of Presbyterians for Lesat Yale University, is currently
Duck, Ruth c., and Maren C. Tirabassi. bian & Gay Concerns. Available professor of music at Pomona Touch Holiness: Resources for Worthrough Jim Anderson, P.O. Box 38, College in Claremont, Califorship. New York: Pilgrim Press, 1990. New Brunswick, NJ 08903-0038. nia, and artistic director of the
Los Angeles Gay Men's Chorus.
Includes contemporary prayers and Prayers gathered from persons supIn thesummer.of 1989, he was invited to
liturgies based on traditional forms. portive of lesbian, gay, and bisexual
be achoral clinician for the biennial convenEmswiler,
Thomas Neufer, and Sharon concerns for the season of Epiphany
tion of the Fellowship of United Methodists in
Neufer Emswiller. Wholeness in (can be used at other times as well).
Worship, Music, and Other Arts.. When
Worship. San Francisco: Harper and Schaffron, Janet, and Kozak, Pat. More
Bailey was disinvited because of his associaRow.
Out of print. Models of worthan Words: Prayer and Ritual for
tion with the Gay Men's Chorus, William
ship in which liturgical dance and Inclusive Communities. Oak Park,
Sloane Coffin, the keynote speaker, threatened
drama play large roles. Ill.: Meyer-Stone, 1988. Sourcebook
to take the matter to the National Press Corps
Illuminations. Annual June-July issue of • for developing inclusive prayers and
in Washington, D.C., if Bailey was not rethe
More Light Update, newsletter of rituals. Sample rites address multischeduled
and the chorus invited to perform.
Presbyterians for Lesbian &Gay Concultural traditions with deep sensi'.
Bailey was reinvited and led the chorus in cerns. Available through Jim Ander-tivity to issues of justice and peace.
song during amoving worship service in
son, P.O. Box 38, New Brunswick, NJ • WATERwheel. Quarterly newsletter of
which Coffin preached of the necessity of wel08903-0038. Collected liturgies and the Women's Alliance for Theology, coming gay and lesbian people and ministerprograms for congregations welcoming Ethics, and Ritual. Available ing to people with AIDS. It .was ahealing of lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. through WATER, 8035 13th Street, experience for both those in the fellowship as
Larson, Jim. Heartsongs. Available Silver Spring, MD 20910-4803. Each well as those in the chorus, many of whom had .' through Center for Renewal, 11201-1 issue contains fresh liturgies created experienced alienation from their church roots. Peartree Way, Columbia, MD 21044. by Diann L. Neu, a feminist liberaThe chorus rehearses at Wilshire UMC in Collected prayers for personal or cor-: tion liturgist, cofounder, and Los Angeles and recently participated {n the
porate meditation. codirector of WATER. .. morning worship celebrating its third anniversary as a Reconciling Congregation.
Summer 1992 19
A Closing Co-Editor's Note:
It's Time to Say Good-bye and Be on My Journey
Dear friends:
In the spring of 1985, Mark Bowman asked me to help him edit the first issue of a new magazine for the Reconciling Congregation Program. Now, more than seven years later, this issue marks my exit as one of Open Hands' co-editors. Beginning with the fall 1992 issue,. Open Hands will move into a new style of management with one editor overseeing the magazine's production, replacing the current system of co-editors and issue coordinators. I have decided not to apply to be the new editor. Open Hands has been an important part of my life, and it is not easy to put it behind me. But the time has come.
Every issue of this magazine has included articles in which people shared their personal spiritual journeys. While I have written various journalistic articles for Open Hands, I have never discussed any of my own spirituality. As I say good-bye to all of you who have supported Open Hands-artd meover the years, I want to end my silence and share a little of myself.
It is ironic that my final issue of Open Hands explores how sexuality affects spirituality; it is largely (though not entirely) my own spiritual journey that has caused me to conclude that it is time to leave this magazine. The past year, in particular, has been a time of personal spiritual searching, and I cannot escape one basic conclusion: Even if the United Methodist institution and other mainstream denominations were to eliminate their antigay vestiges, I doubt I would feel fully at home in them. As I have since childhood, I believe that there is some sort of God in all creation-including within all human beings. But I increasingly feel an inner longing for broadened understanding:
•
I am increasingly pulled to supplement-my Judeo-Christian understanding of spirituality with the insights of the world's other faiths. My Christian roots remain important to me; I still find insights in the Bible-especially, the life and words of Jesus-that help me strive to develop the Dominion of God "within" myself (Luke 17:21). However, I am increasingly uncomfortable with the notion that Christianity is the only valid route to life with God, and I have trouble with hymns and liturgies that proclaim a Christian mission to convert the world. I feel a growing need to listen for the ways in which God has spoken to the world's different peoples and cultures throughout time.
•
I want a spiritual community that puts more emphasis on encouraging people to think for themselves than on telling them what to believe. In even the most open mainstream denominations, Sunday morning worship remains primarilya one-way experience in which the pastor talks and everyone else listens, rather than a forum in which all people of faith share and learn from the valuable insights that we each have. On my journey, I want to travel a road where travelers are committed not to winning places in a hierarchy but to helping all people appreciate their equal value as part of God's universal family.
•
It has become clear that I cannot devote energy toward the politics of persuading others to welcome people like myself and still have the proper focus to work on internal spiritual needs-deeper love, truer gentleness, personal wholeness. It seems impossible for me to stay within a hostile institution without having anger overpower my more loving emotions. Increasingly, I think about Jesus' instruction in Luke 10:10-11 to shake the dustof the unwelcoming
community (or institution) from one's feet. I'm sure I will continue occasionally (or frequently) to worship in a Reconciling Congregation or a similar congregation affiliated with another mainstream denomination. However, it will be important to identify myself with the people of the welcoming local fellowship, not with the condemning institution/ denomination. On my journey, I need to move on toward a spiritual life and community where I can feel truly at home.
To paraphrase Robert Frost, two roads are diverging in the woods of my life. I could keep on the more heavily trafficked highway and stay solely within the mainline church and its theology. I know that for many persons of faithincluding many of you-the institutional church remains a comfortable and loving (if imperfect) home, and I am happy for you. But for me right now, the "road less traveled by" is ca!1ing, and I feel compelled to answer the call.
know that these longings
are not; in and of themselves, incompatible with my continued work with Open Hands. But it has become clear to me that I do not have the time or energy to continue with this magazine while also working on my personal spirituality. Besides, Open Hands is for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and heterosexual Christians who are committed to working for reform and understanding within mainstream denominations. This magazine needs to be produced by people who are part of that effort. I am no longer one of those persons. Y
-Bradley Rymph
. 20 Open Hands
~~tters
Response to "Creating Alliances"Issue
-'le Winter 1992 issue, "Creating Allies," elicited an unusually large number esponses from our readers. These two
"s are indicativeof the responses we've ··ed.
:he recent issue, "Creating Alliances,"
o wonderful! The coordination of articles by Ann Thompson Cook creates a lively and vital discussion. The articles ush boundaries between factions and .ithin my own thinking. Ann's stylistic ntegrity is evident-the entire publicaIon sings with vitality and compassion.
deeply appreciate this issue.
-Deb Crerie
Arlington, Virginia
The article "Working Toward Trust" . I the Winter 1992 issue reminded me f my personal and pastoral struggle/
urney to reach out to gay /lesbian per~ons. Mine began 20 years ago. A clergy . . end was going through a divorce and
as leaving the ministry. At the same me, he was "coming out of the closet." I ggled then to say it did not matter me either as an individual or as a
astor what his sexual orientation was. did matter. In the coming months, he troduced me to Chicago's gay / sbian world. That community taught e how oppressed people have networks
aring and love. I introduced my
gregation to the issue of homophobia, mittedly with great fears ... all of uch proved to be unfounded. But that was the early 1970s, and Christians, especially liberal! radical Christians, were still under the influe
of the' 60s. By the end of the decade, ad been appointed to a more tradi. nal congregation where it seemed
itless to deal with the issue of omophobia/ reconciliation. I tried to e a supportive and compassionate resence to the gay members of the
congregation, while respecting their hen still hidden identities.
Ultimately, I was appointed to Hemenway, a Reconciling Congregation. Here, in our own ways and amid our particular institutional struggles,
Summer 1992 we continue to work on the issue of overcoming our heterosexual prejudices. What I've discovered is that learning to trust one another is a twoway street. Unless we force ourselves to learn about another, we never will. Sometimes we offer trust, and it is rejected or betrayed. Where we know there is separation, we can find a multitude of reasons not to attempt to bridge our differences and build one community. I hope and pray that I shed those prejudices and hatred that have crept into my life and that I keep new ones out.
-Kerm Krueger
Evanston, Illinois
The Pain Grows
The following letter expresses the sentiments of many gay, lesbian, and bisexual United Methodists following the General Conference in May. These are excerpts from a letter to theAdministrative Board of Fifth Avenue UMC in Wilmington, North Carolina .
For 58 years, I have been proud to count myself among the people called Methodist. It was in my great grandfather's house that our beloved Francis Asbury often stayed. I was raised in the old church at Sneads Ferry and there, at the age of 11, made my public profession of faith and joined the Methodist Church. I had a religious experience there, not unlike John Wesley's "heartwarming experience." That event is that which has sustained me all my life in my spiritual relationship with God.
Twenty years ago, when our church first took a stand against homosexuality, I felt as though I had been cut to the heart by the very church which I have loved and served. I made every effort to fulfill my vows to support it with my prayers, my presence, my gifts, and my services. I have stayed in this denomination because its records in other avenues of social justice have been and are so strong; surely, the Methodists would come to a more complete understanding and acceptance of human sexuality. Surely one day I would see a "Reconciling Congregation" in Wilmington, and if not in Wilmington at least in our district, and if not in our district then at least in the North Carolina annual conference. Surely one day I would be accepted fully and unconditionally by my own religious denomination. Unfortunately, that day has not come, and I can no longer wait.
I can no longer in good conscience make such a commitment to the United Methodist Church because it relegates me to second-class citizenry by proclaiming once again that "homosexuality is incompatible with Christian teaching." This stand not only affects me, but it impacts my family-immediate and extended, my friends, and all my associates. I've grown weary of being criticized for something that is part of my divinely created being. My sexuality is a good God-given gift, just as heterosexuality is a good God-given gift to the majority of our population.
To my church family here, which I so dearly love, I beg you to remember that there are others living under this oppression who could likely be your mothers and fathers, your brothers and sisters, your children and grandchildren, your friends and associates. Normally, they just fade out of the life of the church without ever expressing their deep loss at not being fully accepted as the children of God they know in their hearts they are. I speak as one of God's children. I speak for them because they are unable to speak for themselves. Change will only come when others such as yourselves are bold enough to speak for these silenced, oppressed Christian homosexuals-children of God.
Please accept my resignation of membership in the United Methodist Church, membership in Fifth Avenue UMC, member-ship on the Administrative Board, the position of Consecrated Lay Reader, the position of Church Historian, and the position of Lay Member to Annual Conference.
My love, God's grace, and the peace of the Holy Spirit to you all. -Bob Jenkins Wilmington, North Carolina
21
· RCPReport
Lesbian/Gay Concerns at Forefront ofGeneral andAnnual Conferences
General Conference Receives Study: Continues Negative Policies
The 1992 General Conference of the United Methodist Church (UMC), which met in May in Louisville, reaffirmed its largely negative policies toward lesbians and gay men. The General Conference (GC) did receive the report of the Committee to Study Homosexuality and voted to publish it, along with additional resources, for local churches to study. The GC also adopted a strong statement on the civil and human rights of lesbians and gay men (see below).
However, the GC voted to retain the objectionable statement on homosexuality in the Social Principles, which states that "we do not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching." A substitute statement indicating the church is divided over this issue and seeks further guidance was defeated by a vote of 594 to 372 (the comparable vote in 1988 was 621 to 344).
The GC retained the ban on the ordination and appointment of "self-avowed, practicing homosexuals," while rejecting petitions to make this even more restrictive. The ban on national church funding of any group which "promotes the acceptance of homosexuality" was also maintained. Efforts to make it a chargeable offence for clergy to perform a "holy union" or other covenant service for same-gender couples were not approved.
Following is the text of the statement on the "Rights of Homosexual Persons" that was adopted by the GC:
Certain basic human and civil liberties are due all persons. We are committed to support those rights and liberties for homosexual persons. We see a clear issue of simple justice in protecting their rightful claims where they have: shared material resources, pensions, guardian relationships, mutual powers ofattorney and other such lawful claims typically attendant to contracted relationships which involved
shared contributions, responsibilities and liabilities, and equal protection before the law. Moreover, we support efforts to stop violence and other forms or coercion against gays and lesbians.
Affirmation Leads Demonstration for Lesbian/Gay Recognition
Affirmation: United Methodists for Lesbian/Gay /Bisexual Concerns led a coalition in the design and execution of a demonstration that turned an act of inhospitality on the part of the GC into a powerful witness.
Affirmation-along with the Methodist Federation for Social Action, the Women's Caucus, and the Interethnic Caucus-campaigned for the right of an Affirmation spokesperson to address the conference during the debate on homosexuality. Not since 1976 had an openly gay or lesbian person addressed the Gc.
When this request was denied by vote of the GC, 20 persons carried a large banner proclaiming "The Stones Will Cry Out" onto the convention floor between the delegates and the presiding bishop. Supporters in the galleries periodically made the bleachers rumble and cry out at the injustice. This demonstration received widespread press attention.
Annual Conferences Address Lesbian/Gay Concerns
Several annual conferences, meeting in May and June, also took actions regarding Reconciling Congregations and ministries with lesbians and gay men, as reported in the UM Newscope:
The California-Pacific Conference, by an overwhelming vote, encouraged local churches to study Christianity and homosexuality and to consider becoming Reconciling Congregations.
The Minnesota Conference received the report of a special task force on ministry with homosexual persons and designated 1993 as a "Year of Faithful Inquiry," in which individuals and congregations are asked to study the concerns of lesbian/ gay persons. The conference received a study document on homosexuality, and special training was mandated for clergy.
In addition, the three Reconciling Congregations in Minnesota prepared a resolution that affirmed "services of blessing and celebrations of committed relationships for couples of the same gender" within Reconciling Congregations and to be celebrated by their clergy. The presiding bishop ruled that the resolution was contrary to church law and could not be presented to the conference. The conference subsequently voted to appeal this ruling to the UMC's Judicial Council.
The California-Nevada Conference adopted a resolution recommending that congregations study ministry with lesbian, gay, and bisexual persons. In addition, each district superintendent was instructed to question each congregation as to its openness to such ministries at each annual charge or church conference.
The Oregon-Idaho and Rocky Mountain Conferences adopted resolutions in opposition to civil initiatives that seek to limit the rights of gay, lesbian, and bisexual persons. In addition, Oregon-Idaho asked local churches to study homosexuality and report results back to the conference.
The Northern New Jersey Conference passed a resolution affirming the right of lesbians and gay men to be full members of congregations.
The Reconciling Congregations of the Northern Illinois Conference read a statement to their conference session following the report of the General Conference delegation. This statement declared that the UMC's anti-gay/lesbian actions "give religious sanction to the increased gay bashing which we must abhor." The statement also called on the Northern Illinois Conference to "repudiat[e] hate groups which threaten the well-being of gay men and lesbians, repent. .. the church's exclusion of some of God's children, and shar[e] in a service of healing and reconciliation."
Open Hands 22
Nourishing the Tree ofLife Services
Impact Communities Across the Country
2spite recommendations from a Love and Justice shortly before, Estacada cially "welcoming." In Chicago, an -tudy committee, among other members were not sure persons would interfaith service during Gay /Lesbian ~e the position of the have energy for another special gather-Pride Week drew 70 people of faith-
o homosexuality, ing. However, many members of many of whom have felt the pain and erence retained its Portland's Lesbian Community Project isolation from their respective religious that "the prac-who had participated in the walk came bodies. Parts of the Nourishing the Tree bJ::nosa'Uality is inmmpatible with back to Estacada to share in the wor-of Life service were incorporated in the ~--.. _--'-!__ • ~See story on page 22.) ship which proved to be a powerful, Pittsburgh Gay /Lesbian Pride Service, . tack of hospitality moving event. with over 325 people attending. lHt:'U1UUist Church (UMC) Another Nourishing the Tree of Life The theme of healing and nourish-al congregations and service in Oregon was held in Salem on ment echoed all across the country as roughout the country orga-individuals found welcoming space. For
and took part in worship ser-some, it was a time to sustain their
'ic·es to offer healing for those hurt by common journey as a Reconciling Con-
he C\IC's policies and to demonstrate gregation, Affirmation group, or MFSA discontent with the church's continued chapter. The service in Oklahoma City homophobia. The week of June 20-28 featured singing and sharing to \vas designated for holding these ser-emphasize the experience of healing. vices, although some were held later In Richmond, Virginia, seven in the summer and some are planned \. ~_ people gathered before their annual
for early fall. The Reconciling Con-/ -~ \ conference session, giving energy to gregation Program coordinated / conference members to continue
1 )these services, in conjunction with ( their witness against homophobia the Methodist Federation for Social \ ~< / within the conference. In Boston, 80 Action (MFSA) and local chapters Of~~ ,/;1 persons remained after the annual con-Affirmation: United Methodists for Les-{ -~-C'~'/ \ ~~)ference session for a time of reflection bian/Gay /Bisexual Concerns. '-" t "'"~) fr"~ and celebration before returning to
,
Nourishing the Tree of Life was the ~~" ~ "'" jf their homes and churches. theme ofthese services using Jeremiah ~ 't. ",¥/ ~ :; The services elicited a very posi17:5-8 and Revelation 22:1-2 as the "r"" ~I -..., ~. _ tive response from most participants biblical foundations. The content of ~) \ ':{ I!.t and filled a variety of needs in their
~
the different sponsoring groups who : ~. '""~ r nominational gathering of 70 persons in were present at the General Conference June 28. -~ ~ the East Ohio Conference commented in Louisville. The service drew on the Around 120 ~~ on the need for such a service on a more criptural metaphors of the river that persons from all arou~~",..~,_"~ regular basis. Among those attending a gives life and the tree that bears fruit. the state participated, including . Saturday night gathering of 80 persons
Over 85 persons across the country the bishop and the associate conference in Sacramento was an older woman volunteered to be local contacts and council director. As worshipers left, who, in her young adulthood, had been organizers in cities and towns from they were given oak trees to take home very active in the UMC. However, after Vacaville, California, to New Haven, and plant. A blessing of the trees was coming out as a lesbian, she had been Connecticut; from Milwaukee, Wiscon-given by a Native American pastor who away from the church for many years. sin, to Houston, Texas. Thousands of recalled the isolation and exclusion he After the service, she expressed how persons-United Methodists, friends also felt from the church. good it felt to be back in a loving church from other denominations, and persons Participation extended beyond the again. Similarly, after a service attended from outside the church community-United Methodist community. In by over 50 in Newark, Delaware, the participated in these services of healing Springfield, Illinois, the Metropolitan mother of a gay man asked, "Why have
(f)
o
c
and reconciliation. The Nourishing the Community Church pastor assisted in I waited so long to know that some in Tree of Life services provided an oppor-leading the service, which drew 40 per-my church will love my son?" : ~ tunity to draw various communities sons. In Austin, Texas, the planning Nourishing theTree of Life has certainly • .>
•
ell
•
C
. g-
together in solidarity with persons group decided to divide the offering proved to be another milestone in the
• :n
ostracized by the church. three ways-the local Affirmation growth of our reconciling movement . D>The
service at Estacada UMC in group, national RCP ministries and across the country. We offer special thanks . Qc: Oregon drew around 90 people on June First English Lutheran Church, the only to the many volunteers who helped orga-Cil
· ~
25. Because they had hosted a Walk for congregation in Austin which is offi-nize, publicize, and lead these services. ~ · . .= ~
Summer 1992 23
Five Reconciling Congregations In New Zealand
A newly formed Methodists for Les· bian and Gay Concerns in New · Zealand wrote to the RCP office in the · summer of 1991 requesting information · about Reconciling Congregations. A
recent letter from the Rev. Ashley · Sedon, convener of the group, reported
that, as of this past July, five congre: gations in New Zealand had decided to : become Reconciling Congregations. · These parishes are Glenaven Methodist · Church (Dunedin), Broad Bay Methodist
Church (Dunedin), Mornington
· Methodist Church (Dunedin), Hamilton
Methodist Church (Hamilton), and
· Aotea Chapel Methodist Community (Auckland). It is with great joy that we celebrate the growth of the RCP as an
· international movement!
Reconciling Congregations
ARIZONA ILLINOIS
Tucson Chicago
St. Francis in the Albany Park UMC Foothills
Irving Park UMC
CALIFORNIA MayfairUMC Albany Parish of the Holy AlbanyUMC Covenant
Berkeley United Church of TrinityUMC Rogers Park
Fresno Evanston
WesleyUMC Hemenway UMC Hollywood Wheadon UMC Hollywood UMC Oak Park Los Angeles Euclid A venue UMC United University Winfield Wilshire UMC Winfield UMC
Milpitas
IOWA
Sunny hills UMC
Des Moines
San Francisco
Trinity UMC BethanyUMC KANSASCalvary UMC
Mission
Hamilton UMC ecumenikos
Trinity UMC
Santa Monica LOUISIANA
Church in Ocean New Orleans
Park St. Mark's UMC
Vacaville
.MARYLANDSt. Paul's UMC
BaltimoreWest Hollywood
St. John's UMC
Crescent Heights UMC MASSACHUSETTS
Osterville
COLORADO Osterville UMC
Denver
St. Paul's UMC MINNESOTA
Minneapolis
DISTRICT OF Prospect Park UMCCOLUMBIA Walker Community
Washington
UMC
Christ UMC WesleyUMC
Dumbarton UMC
MISSOURI
GEORGIA
Kansas City
Atlanta
Kairos UMC
Grant Park-
Aldersgate UMC
OPEN AND AFFIRMING:
A JOURNEY OF FAITH
An Open and Affirming Video Resource
from the United Church Board for Homeland Ministries
"It brings to life the printed words I have read about the ONA process. Real people. Real churches. Really valuable!" VCC Clergyperson
"An excellent video. I lookforward to using it in our local church. " VCC Laywoman
"Presents the issue rationally, with conviction, from a variety of perspectives. "
Open and Affirming: A Journey of Faith
Color, 55 minutes, VHS; Purchase only -Not available for rental
Documents the experiences of three United Church of Christ congregations deciding whether or not to declare themselves open to and affIrming of lesbian, gay and bisexual persons. Different approaches to the ONA dialogue are documented as are candid comments from church members about personal experiences with the ONA process. Video package includes printed resources.
Rev. Bill Johnson ONA Video Resources -UCBHMlDAMA 700 Prospect Avenue Cleveland, Ohio 44115-1100
All orders must be pre-paid by check or money order payable to "UCBHM". For further information call (216) 736 -3270.
NEW YORK
OREGON
WASHINGTON
Brooklyn
Estacada
Seattle
Park Slope UMC
Estacada UMC
Capitol Hill UMC
Craryville
Portland
Wallingford UMC
Craryville UMC New York Church of St. Paul & St. Andrew Metropolitan-Duane UMC Washington Square UMC Oneonta First UMC
Metanoia Peace Community PENNSYLVANIA Philadelphia Calvary UMC First UMC of Germantown TENNESSEE
WISCONSIN Madison University UMC Sheboygan Wesley UMC Reconciling Conferences
OHIO Columbus
Nashville Edgehill UMC
California-Nevada New York
Third A venue Community Church
TEXAS Hous ton
Northern Illinois Troy
Toledo
Bering Memorial UMC
Central UMC
Open Hands 24